10th grade As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me.

She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished sh e was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and han ded them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her bu t I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. 11th grade The phone rang. On the othe r end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had b roke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, s o I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing sh e was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, sh e decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just f riends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Senior year The d ay before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not goin g to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom

night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stare d at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her , I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm ju st too shy, and I don't know why. Graduation Day A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mi ne, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home , she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifte d her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave m e a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. A Few Years Later Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married n ow. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another m an. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" a nd kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't w ant to be just friends,

I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Funeral Years passed, I l ooked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the servi ce, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that , and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he w ould tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I crie d. 9 Things I Hate About Everyone 1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to wal k to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just wan t to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it i s. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who

and where are they? 5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor! 6. Peop le who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, the n there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there mu st have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8. When people say "life is s hort". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "H as the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here??? Annoying Thin gs To Do On An Elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner fac ing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and stra in to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open them selves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask

him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passen ger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away s lowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new soc ks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beep er?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little sq uare on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my p ersonal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend t hey give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the b utton for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi G reg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug " then enforce it. A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nic ely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up promi nently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premoni tion, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom : It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with m y new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been fi nding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tat toos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have ma ny more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me th at marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and tradi ng it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he s ure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take c are of

myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your gran d children. Your daughter, Judith PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over a t the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call wh en it is safe for me to come home. In Honor of Stupid People In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual l abel instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sl eeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the sh oplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap," (and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving sugge stion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -"Do not turn upside down." (wel l...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) On packaging for a Rowena iron - "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot' s Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taki ng this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accid ents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts. ) On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)? On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious )

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts -"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (St ep 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?) On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the pa rents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity. W hen a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind When a GIRL is n ot arguing, She is thinking deeply When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of ques tions, She is wondering how long you will be around When a GIRL answers "i'm fin e" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine When a GIRL stares at you,

She is wondering why you are lying When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishin g for you to be hers forever When a GIRL calls you everyday, She is seeking for your attention When a GIRL sms's u everyday, She wants you to reply at least onc e When a GIRL says I love you, She means it When a GIRL says that she can't live without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future When a GIRL says "i miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than that. Boys, just do it !----Tell her you think shes cool. Tell her why you think shes so cool. Smell he r hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Pick her up and pretend youre going to th row her in the river; shell scream and fight you but secretly, shell love it. Ho ld her hand and skip. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers fr om other peoples gardens and give them to her. Tell her she looks pretty. Let he r pay for stuff if she wants to. Introduce her to your friends as The coolest gi rl I know. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, and playgro unds, and train stations. Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid jokes. Write poe ms about her. Just walk around with her. Throw pebbles at her window at night. W hen she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Take her to shows of band s shes never heard of. Hold her

hand in the mosh pit. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Give her piggy-back rides. Go see her band p lay even if they really suck, and tell her they were great. Give her space if sh e needs it. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night when shes sick. Make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Write on her. Make her mixtapes. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour train trip. Take her to co ol shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Listen to all the bands she mentions. Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. When shes sad, hang out wi th her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the photos of you she wants. Look into her eyes. Slo w dance with her, even if the music is fast. Kiss her in the rain.When you fall in love with her, tell her. <3 Dear Girls (from us guys)... *Don't assume that guys won't care where you are, b ecause we do. It makes us feel secure to know that our girlfriends aren't off fl irting with guys we've never heard of.

*Also, don't talk about your ex-boyfriends. We never have, nor ever will respect or like them, nor do we want to hear about them. When you do, you're asking you r boyfriend to be jealous. You're asking your boyfriend to lose trust. *On that, don't hump everything that walks into the room. We don't care if you talk to ot her guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitti ng next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackl e him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if y ou sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. *Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorge ous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. *Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Smile and say "thank you ." Let us pay for you. Don't "feel bad." We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say - everybody together now - "thank

you." *Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know nobody's loo king we'll be more impressed. *You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have, put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you fo r WHO you are and not WHAT you are. *Don't flirt with guys when we're not around . We'll find out. Trust us. We have eyes everywhere. And when we find out, we're pissed. Not necessarily with the guys you flirted with, moreso with you. *Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. *Don't talk about how hot Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt is in front of us. It's boring, and w e don't care. You have girlfriends for that. *Whatever happened to the word "han dsome"? Why does everything have to be "hot/sexy"? I'd be utterly stunned by a g irl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/

sexy" or whatever else you can think of. Claiming girls or guys to be "hot" show s immaturity. **Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, don't wait for him to change. Ditch his sorry, disgrace-to-the-m ale-population ass, and find someone who will treat you with utter respect. Some one who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at y our lowest. *12 signs your falling in love* 12. You'll read his/her txts over an d over again... 11. You'll walk really really slow while you're with him/her... 10. You'll pretend 2 be shy whenever you're with him/her... 9. While thinking bo ut him/her...your heart will beat faster and faster... 8. By listening to his/he r voice...you'll smile for no reason. 7. While looking at him/her..you cant see the other people around you...you can only see that person... 6. You'll start li stening to SLOW songs. 5. He/She becomes all you think about 4. You'll get high just by their smell... 3. You'll realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think about them.. 2. You'll do anything for him/her...

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time..... - a chain letter True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, an d so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends en couraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bother ing me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospect ive sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut bl ouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near a nyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to m y bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was s tunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reache d the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I st ood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opene d the door and stepped out of the house. I

walked straight towards my car. My future father-inlaw was standing outside. Wit h tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have pass ed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome t o the family." The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. *What Does Love Mean?* A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broa der and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When my gra ndmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. S o my grandfather does it for her all even when his hands got arthritis, too. Tha t's Love. Rebecca - age 8 When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 " Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they g o out and smell each other." Karl - age 5 "Love is when you go out to eat and gi ve somebody most of your French Fries without making them give

you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6 "Love is what makes you smile when you're ti red." Terri - age 4 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she tak es a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7 " Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you stil l want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8 "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) "If yo u want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." Ni kka - age 6 "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it ev eryday." Noelle - age 7 "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man wh o are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "Dur ing my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the peo ple watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing t hat. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy -

age 8 "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare age 6 "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and s till says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7 "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4 "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and ha s to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "When you love somebody, your eyel ashes go up and down and little stars come out of you" Karen - age 7 "Love is wh en Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8 And the final one -- A uthor and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about contest he was asked to

judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. (Now this w ill melt your heart.) The winner was a four year old child whose next door neigh bor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, a nd just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, t he little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." 19 Ways To Maintain A Heal thy Level of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses o n and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yoursel f Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You T o Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On You r Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Eve ryone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso. 6. In The M emo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Don't Us e Any Punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your W ork Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your F riends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood. 16. Have You r Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name "Rock Hard". 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Runnin g Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." WHAT IS LOVE? Love is a slow kiss goodnight, It's anticipat ion. Love is flirting ourtageously and still remembering that the person at your side is not obligated to do anything, It's respect. Love is an imperfection in your self not bothering you, it's acceptance. Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet, It's patience. Love is a back massage that sta rts above the hairline and ends around the insoles, it's exploration. Love doesn not have to say, "lets make love," because you know what the other person wants , it understands. Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you though t you were committed, it's consideration. Love is both of you remembering protec tion, it's responsibility. Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn em brace dissolve into giggles, it's humor. Love is being told "stop and i'll kill you." It's desire. Love is reviewing the damge to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door the to b edroom, it's abandonment. Love is seeing what your love really looks like for th e first time, it's truth. Love is knowing what time it is and not caring, it's

joy. Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace, it's ecstacy. Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew, it's renewal. Love is telli ng a person if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they w ould rathr be woken, it's tenderness. Love is waking up to find the subject of t he dream you were having asleep on your shoulder, it's where fantasy meets reali ty. Love is being there to wake your lover slowly, it's sensuousness. Love belat edly knows why you bothered to buy a queen-sized bed three years ago, it's pract icality. Love is two people only taking up a third of a queensized bed, it's clo seness. Love knows you gave the extra set of keys to your apartment to the right person, its trust. Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be back by mutu al consent, its faith. Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real mea ning of the word "sore" it's a lesson in human frailty. Love is opening your med icine cabinet finding your tube of toothpaste turned into a prezel, it's adaptat ion. Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were wit h the night before, it's reflection. Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover, it's lonelin ess.

Love is stories that will never be told, it's personal. 112 ways to say... I LOV E YOU English - I love you Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief Albanian - Te dua Arabic - Ana behibak (to male) Arabic - Ana behibek (to female) Armenian - Yes kez siru men Bambara - M'bi fe Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi Belarusian - Ya tabe ka hayu Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian - Obicham te Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a Catalan - T'estimo Cheyenne - Ne mohot atse Chichewa - Ndimakukonda Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male) Creol - Mi aime jou Croatian - Volim te Czech - Miluji te Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch - Ik hou van jou Esperanto - Mi amas vin Estonian - Ma armastan sind Ethiopian - Afgreki ' Faroese - Eg elski teg Farsi - Doset daram Filipino - Mahal kita

Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore Frisian - Ik hld fan dy Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort Georgian - Mikvarhar German - Ich liebe dich Greek S'agapo Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw Haw aiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe (Thanks Craig) Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female) Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male) Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw Hindi - Hum Tumh e Pyar Karte hae Hmong - Kuv hlub koj Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta Hungarian - Szer etlek Icelandic - Eg elska tig Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw Indonesian - Saya cint a padamu Inuit - Negligevapse Irish - Taim i' ngra leat Italian - Ti amo Japanes e - Aishiteru Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka K iswahili - Nakupenda Konkani - Tu magel moga cho Korean - Sarang Heyo Latin - Te amo Latvian - Es tevi miilu Lebanese - Bahibak Lithuanian - Tave myliu

Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu Ma ndarin Chinese - Wo ai ni Marathi - Me tula prem karto Mohawk - Kanbhik Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik Nahuatl - Ni mits neki Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg Pandacan - Syota na kita!! Pangasinan - Inaru Taka Papiamento - Mi t a stimabo Persian - Doo-set daaram Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay Polish - Kocham C iebie Portuguese - Eu te amo Romanian - Te iubesc Russian - Ya tebya liubliu Sco t Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort Serbian - Volim te Setswana - Ke a go rata Sign L anguage - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You') Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan Sioux - Techihhila Slovak - Lu`bim ta Slovenian Ljubim te Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo Swahili - Ninapenda wewe Swedish - Jag al skar dig Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di Surinam - Mi lobi joe Tagalog - Mahal kita

Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe Tamil - Nan unnai kathalika raen Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu Thai - Chan rak khun (to male) Thai - Pho m rak khun (to female) Turkish - Seni Seviyorum Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female) Vietnamese Em ye^u anh (to male) Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh Yoruba Mo ni fe Suggestions For Women To Respond To Pickup Lines "Haven't I seen you so meplace before?" "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." He: So what do you do for a living? She: Female impersonator. "Is this seat empty?" "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." "So, wanna go back to my place?" "Well, I don 't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" "I'd like to call you. What's your n umber?" "It's in the phone book." "But I don't know your name."

"That's in the phone book too." "What sign were you born under?" "No Parking." " I know how to please a woman." "Then please leave me alone." "Haven't we met bef ore?" "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic." "I want to give myself to you." "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." "I can tell that you want me." "Ohhhh . You're so right. I want you... to leave." "Hey, baby, What's your sign?" "Stop ." "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" "Sorry, I don't date outside my species." "May I see you pretty soon?" "Why? Don't you think I'm pret ty now?" "Your body is like a temple." "Sorry, there are no services today." "I' d go through anything for you." "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

"I would go to the end of the world for you." "Yes, but would you stay there?" " Your place or mine?" "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." After hearing a pickup line: I like your approach, now let's see your departure. If you are lo oking at a girl and she says "What are you looking at?" say "I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken." He: Would you like to dance? She: Not with yo u. He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did. He: Do you wanna dance? She: Yeah but not with you! He: You must have misunderstood me, I said yo u look fat in those pants! Q: Does beauty run in your family? A: It obviously do esn't in yours! Q: What's your name sexy? A: Taken! Q: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?

A: Yeah, but this time don't stop! Q: I think you're the best looking girl in he re. A: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I! He: Your legs go clear up to your a**. She: Most peoples' do! Q: Can I buy you a dr ink? A: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too! "You look like a dre am." Response: "Go back to sleep." He: What`s it like being the most beautiful g irl in the bar? She: What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world? "I can see forever in your eyes." Response: "But all I can see is never in yours." "I l ooked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included." Response: "Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk." 10 commandments of being a teenage r: 1. Thou shall not sneak out when there parents are

sleeping (why wait?) 2. Thou shall not do drugs (alochol lasts longer) 3. Thou s hall not steal from K-mart (Walmart has a bigger selection) 4. Thou shall not ge t arrested for vandalism (destructon has a bigger effect) 5. Thou shall not stea l from their parents (everyone knows Grandma has more money) 6. Thou shall not g et into fights (start them) 7. Thou shall not skip class (take the whole day off ) 8. Thou shall not go to strip clubs (Hooters has better food) 9. Thou shall no t think about having sex (like Nike says... just do it) 10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street (leave them in the middle) Life's Highs... 1. 2. 3. 4. Laughing hysterically Dancing your heart out Star gazing Shopping

5. Going to the beach 6. Listening to the rain 7. Ice-cream on a hot day 8. Feel ing wanted 9. Getting that warm, fuzzy feeling when you think about the one you love 10. ReceIving text messages 11. Personal jokes 12. ComplIments 13. Late nig ht phone calls 14. Christmas 15. Hugs 16. Kisses 17. Knowing someone misses you 18. Knowing someone is thinking of you 19. Good dreams 20. Skipping school for a day 21. Lying on the grass starring into the sky 22. Going up to the snow 23. J umping into a warm bed on a cold night 24. Seeing your guys/girls name on your m obile when it rings 25. Your first kiss 26. Talking for hours about absolutely n othing 27. Looking back on the laughs 28. Receiving presents 29. Giving presents 30. Birthdays 31. Air conditioning when it's hot 32. Being full of energy 33. S eeing your boyfriend/girlfriend 34. Watching someone do something stupid, and th em thinking no one saw

35. Nice smelling perfume/cologne/deodorant 36. Good hair days 37. Turning on th e radio to hear that your favourite song is being played 38. Running into an old friend 39. Strolling along the pier at night 40. Finding $5 on the ground 41. B eing home alone 42. Reading a good magazine 43. Sun baking 44. Sleeping in 45. W atching the sun come up 46. Seeing a shooting star 47. Waking up to find the per son you love in your arms 48. Weekends 49. Holidays 50. Jumping on a trampoline 51. Sitting infront on the fire on a cold evening 52. Smell of freshly baked cho colate chip cookies 53. Singing into your hairbrush in your room 54. Bubble bath s 55. Turning up your sterio as loud as it will go 56. Being so happy it makes y ou cry 57. Summer 58. Finally completing somthing you started a long time ago 58 . Achieving a long time goal 59. Warm nights 60. Falling in love...

Having a guy dump you and say "We can still be friends" Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it" Derick: I guess we are the left-ov ers in this world. Lily: I think so...all of my friends have boyfriends, and we are the only the 2 people left in this world without any special person in our l ives. Derick: Yup, I don't know what to do. Lily: I know! We'll play a game. Der ick: What game? Lily: I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days and you will be my boy friend. Derick: That's a great plan, in fact, I don't have anything to do much f or the following few weeks. DAY 1: They watch their first movie

and they both are touched by the romantic film. DAY 4: They went go to the beach and have a picnic. Derick and Lily have their quality time together. DAY 12: De rick invited Lily to a circus and they ride through a Horror House. Lily was sca red and she thought she touched Derick's hand but she actually touched someone e lse's hand they both laughed. DAY 15: They saw a fortune teller down the road, a nd they asked for their future advice. The fortune teller said: "My darlings, pl ease don't waste the time of your life, spend the rest of your time together, ha ppily." Then tears flowed out from the teller's eyes. DAY 20: Lily invited Deric k to go to the hill and they saw a meteor; Lily mumbled something. DAY 28: They sat on the bus, and because of a bumpy road Lily gave her first kiss to Derick b y accident. DAY 29: 11:37 pm: Lily and Derick sat in the park where they first d ecided to play this game.

Derick: I'm tired Lily...Do you want anything to drink? I'll buy you one...I'll just go down the road. Lily: An Apple Juice, that's all. Thank you. Derick: Wait for me. 20 minutes later A stranger approached Lily Stranger: Are you a friend of Derick? Lily: Yes, why? What happened? Stranger: A reckless drunk driver ran over Derick, and he is in critical condition in the hospital. 11:57 pm: The doct or walked out of the emergency room; he handed Lily an apple juice and a letter. Doctor: We found this in Derick's pocket. Lily reads the letter and it says: Li ly, These past few weeks, I realized you are a really

cute girl, and I am really falling for you-your cherished smile, your everything when we played this game. Before this game ends, I would like you to be my girl friend for the rest of my life. I love you, Lily. Lily crumpled up the paper and shouted: "Derick! I don't want you to dieI love you; remember that night when w e saw a meteor and I mumbled something. I mumbled that I wish we would be togeth er forever and that we would never have to end this game. Please don't leave me Derick .. I love you! You can't do this to me!" Then the clock strikes 12... Der ick's heart stopped pumping... It was the 30th day. THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME * My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE-"If you're going to kill each other do it outside-I just finished cleaning." *My mother taught me RELIGION-"Yo u better pray that will come out of the carpet." *My mother taught me TIME TRAVE L-"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to kick you into the middle of next wee k."

*My mother taught me LOGIC-"Because I said so, that's why." *My mother taught me FORESIGHT-"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case your in an accident." *M y mother taught me IRONY-"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry abo ut." *My mother taught me OSMOSIS-"Shut your mouth and eat your supper." *My mot her taught me about CONTORTIONISM-"Will you look at the dirt on the back on your neck!" *My mother taught me STAMINA-"You'll sit there till all that spinach is finished." *My mother taught me about WEATHER-"It looks as if a tornado swept th rough your room." *My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS-"If I yelle d because I saw a meteor coming towards you; would you then listen." *My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY-"If I've told you once I've told you a million times-D on't Exaggerate!!!" *My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE-" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

*My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION-"Stop acting like your father. " *My mother taught me about ENVY-"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." THANKS, MUM! Frien ds ' Best Friends Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs. Best friend: calls your parents by their first names. Friend: has never seen you cry Best friend: h as always had the best shoulder to cry on Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at home Friend: asks y ou to write down your number. Best friend: they ask you for their number (cuz th ey can't remember it!) Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it b ack. Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff Friend: only knows a few thing s about you Best friend: could write a biography on your life story

Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing Best friend: wi ll always go with you Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative. This is a loveletter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's father does not li ke him and want them stop their relationship......and so..the boy wrote this let ter to the girl..he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this lette r.. 1 "The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for y ou 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the one thing that I want to do is to 6 look at other girls. I never wanted to 7 marry y ou. Our last conversation 8 was very boring and has not 9 made me look forward t o seeing you again. 10 You think only of yourself. 11 If we were married, I know that I would find 12 life very difficult, and I would have no 13 pleasure in li ving with you. I have a heart 14 to give, but it is not something that 15 I want to give to you. No one is more 16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not 17 able to care for me and help me. 18 I sincerely want you to understand that 19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor 20 if you think this is the end. Do not try 21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 23 24 25 things that do not interest me. You have no true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me, I do not care for you. Please do not think that I am still your boyfriend." So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the g irl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.2 1.23.25. (Odd Numbers) So..Please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet... . :) Happiness needs sadness. Success needs failure. Benevolence needs evil. Lov e needs hatred. Victory needs defeat. Pleasure needs pain. You must experience a nd accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything |C|I|N|D|E|R|E| L|L|A| walked on broken glass Sleeping Beauty let a whole 'lifetime' pass Belle fell in .l.o.v.e. with a :hideous beast: (Pocahontas) risked her life for a feas t

Jasmine could have had *anyone*, but instead chose a {p o o r m a n} And Ariel [ walked.on.land] All for love and all for life .B.l.o.o.d. .S.w.e.a.t. .n. .T.e.a .r.s. *L*o*v*e* is about facing your |Biggest Fears| A man escapes from prison w here he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probab ly spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kis sed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he te lls you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably v ery dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." T o which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my

neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be stro ng honey. I love you too!!"