Is your Marriage Existing or Thriving?

7 Keys to a Healthy & Thriving Marriage

1. Love God a. Deut. 6: 4-5 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. Know your place (roles): Essential Question: Whos in Charge?! a. Eph. 5: 33 . . . each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Communicate b. Listening i. Eph. 4:15 . . . speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 1. context of this scripture in within the passage dealing with unity within the body of Christ. There are three principles: a. speak b. the truth c. in love ii. James 1: 19-20 . . . Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. . . iii. The Kitchen Spoon Exercise 1. one person is the talker and the other person is the listener for the two Fs (feelings & facts) 2. when talking is done, the listener then speaks and summarizes/paraphrases speakers content 3. listener cannot share feelings until the speaker agrees that he/she has been listened to appropriately. c. Fighting fair i. Tips for Biblical Conflict Resolution Skill and practical tools for resolving conflict are important. But, according to Ken Sande, author of The PeacemakerA Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict and president of Peacemaker Ministries (www.peacemaker.net), As important as practical skills are, the focus always has to be on motive. If our desire is to honor Christ, everything else will follow. Keeping that in mind, here some practical tips, gleaned from professional conciliators, that can help you resolve personal conflict:

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Define the problem and stick to the issue..

Pursue purity of heart. Take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brothers eye (Matt. 7:5 NASB). Plan a time for the discussion. Affirm the Relationship. o Resource: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, How to Have That Difficult Conversation Youve Been Avoiding (Grand Rapids: Zondervan0 2005), 51. Listen carefully. Forgive. Forgive others as Christ has forgiven you. Forgiveness is both an event and a process, Make forgiveness concrete with four promises: o I promise I wont bring this up and use it against you in the future. o I promise Im not going to dwell on it in my own heart and mind. o Im not going to talk to other people about it. o Im not going to let it stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. Propose a solution. Philippians 2:4-5: Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God (Matthew 5:9). 4. Understand & Nurture Each Other d. 1 Peter 3: 7 NIV Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. e. talk about expectations, goals and values i. its not enough to do this when youre getting to know each other, but before and after marriage, you must continue to grow closer by asking the difficult questions. One good resource is a little book called The Book of Questions. f. understand family of origin issues i. you dont just marry your spouse, you marry their family and ALL the baggage that goes with it.

5. Agree about $ ii. money and their related issues are the number one reason why people get divorced

6. Sexual Intimacy a. Resources: The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment (Paperback) b. Resources: A Celebration of Sex & A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds by: Douglas Roseneau c. Heb 13:4 (NLT) Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. d. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (NLT) But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wifes sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husbands needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan wont be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. e. Prov. 5: 15-20 (AMP) Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well. Should your offspring be dispersed abroad as water brooks in the streets? Confine yourself to your own wife] let your children be for you alone, and not the children of strangers with you. Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]--let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love. Why should you, my son, be infatuated with a loose woman, embrace the bosom of an outsider, and go astray? 7. Keep the fire of romance alive: date each other