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TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS
Copyright 2012 Love Systems, Inc. All Rights Reserved

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TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


QUICK START DATES GUIDE
In this Chapter:
THE BASICS COMMON FALLACIES ABOUT DATES
o o o The Fallacy Of The Man Who Woos A Woman The Fallacy Of The Nice Guy The Fallacy Of Shes Too Special

COMMON DATING MISTAKES


o o o o The Downfall of Dinner The Downfall of Movies Not Attempting Intimacy Overcoming Dating Mistakes

BREAKING THE TRADITIONAL RULES


o o o o o o o o o Run Solid Game Spike Attraction Build Comfort Set Frames For Fast Escalation Lead W ith Dominance Display Your W illingness To Walk Away Handle Logistics In Advance Arouse Her And Physically Escalate Sex: Just Go For It!

SUMMARY

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


THE BASICS
Lets start by creating a new definition of a successful date. A successful date ends with sex for the following reasons: Sex is high-level investment for most women. Once sex has occurred, youre given more room to maneuver and design the type of relationship that you want. Unresolved sexual tension, if left too longgenerally two or more meet upscan make things awkward. It aids in the bonding and development of the relationship The risk of fizzling out diminishes o When you lose momentum and investment dwindles. Life seems to get in the way. And what couldve been a potentially life enhancing relationship, dies a pathetic death. However, youll find as you increase your options, youre less concerned with having sex on the first date. Its a strange dynamic that youll understand with time and experience.

There are a few things you should do over the course of the date: 1. Emotional Stimulation

Stimulate her with the widest possible range of positive emotions (and even some contrasting ones - more on this later). Use your words, actions and the environment youre in. This ensures the time spent with you will have an impact on her and stick in her mind. 2. The Physical Intimacy

You should become more intimate over the course of the date. Far too many dates end with the awkward kiss on the doorstep or in the car due to a lack of physical progression throughout the date. Why is this important? It makes it implicitly clear you have no intention of ending up in the friends zone. It also indicates youre a sexually confident and proactive man. Remember, a woman doesnt want to be responsible for her own seduction.

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


3. Deepening of the Emotional Connection You should both feel as if you have dug past the superficial level and have begun to discover each other more intimately. There should be a sense of familiarity and a closeness that comes from spending quality time with someone where youve shared and received insight to each others world. 4. Sexualization

This is where you verbally set the stage for a sexual relationship. By making her comfortable with sexual topics you establish the frame sex isnt a big deal. Its the most natural thing in the world. Like all of the steps above, this is a crucial one in developing a sexual relationship and having a successful date. Many of the problems men run into on dates stem from their acceptance of common dating practices. They watch movies, read novels, hear one-off stories or worse listen to womens romanticized advice or follow outdated or inaccurate information about how a date should be. The nice guy gets the girl story, purported by Hollywood movies, feeds on our fantasy to just be seen for who we really are without actually having to DO anything. The reality is you have to be proactive on dates If any magic is going to happen on the date, it will due to you whipping out and waving the magic wand.

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


COMMON FALLACIES ABOUT DATES
THE FALLACY OF THE MAN WHO WOOS THE WOMAN
There is an overriding presumption that men are the chasers and women need to play hard to get. While this does coincide with basic human nature, it also creates unhelpful mindsets and frames in the dating process. W ith this fallacy, women are seen as prizes to be won, so sex becomes a trophy that she can give to the man who competes and wins her affections. Its under this presumption of chaser that the average guy plays, from a position of inferiority. Attraction and intimacy are very difficult to generate when youre the one chasing. To be hugely successful with dating you must change this presumption. Once changed, attraction is easier and sex occurs faster.

THE FALLACY OF THE NICE GUY


The average guy in modern society is afraid to be a man. He doesnt embrace his masculinity and he doesnt act according to his core nature as a male. In this, the definition of being a nice guy has been lost and altered. You probably are a nice person, well intentioned and have a lot to offer. However, the modern man loses his masculinity through relying on the following false pretenses: o o o Social conditioning we are told to follow social trends, adopt a more compassionate side and put our needs second Social Acceptance judging women as sluts for embracing their sexuality Fantasy many times it will come through idealswhat we read in books, romance novels, clouded by past experience. Its never pure, normally comes through some fictional pretense.

Women do like guys who are nice, but only after those guys have shown their attractive traits. A guy who can display attractive traits (such as the attraction switches described in Magic Bullets) is a man in touch with his masculinity. If she knows he is in touch with his core nature, she wont have to worry about him going soft on her later on. The nice guy adopts a feminine

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


stance, looking to her for direction and putting her on pedestal. This places pressure on her and places her in a masculine role that she doesnt want. Nice guys become providers, neglecting themselves and not seeing a relationship as a two-way street. Despite their good intentions of pleasing a woman, it is not fun for her if there is no give and take. W ithout having to earn anything in the relationship, the woman cannot get in touch with her feminine side. Its almost insulting to her, and its definitely not exciting. While the nice guys provides for her, she may be out fulfilling the gaps in the relationship with a hot flame who meets her needs at the other end of the spectrum. Plenty of women admit to making one guy wait for sex while they sleep with another man, despite knowing this other man for less time. To be blunt: if you are not viewed as a lover, a man whom she can explore her sexuality with, youll fall into the friend zone or the provider zone. These zones cripple your chances. A guy she slots as a potential boyfriend will only see a certain side of her, and its often more reserved. Meanwhile, the guy slotted as a lover freely explores the full force of her sexual desire first, then he is able to decide if he wants to date her. Be a Lover first, Provider second. Nice guys dont finish first!

The Hot Flame/Lover


Excitement Fantasy W illingness to Walk away - Scarcity Abundance Dominance Danger Unpredictability Sexual Experience Driven by passion with or without her Mystery Spontaneous

Boyfriend/Provider
Security Provides Resources Predictable Loyalty Safety Protection Comfortable Family and Children Emotional/Financial Stability Social Conformity Acceptance

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


THE FALLACY OF SHES TOO SPECIAL
It is advantageous for a woman to assess a mans everyday attractiveness and overall character before hooking up with him. She can learn a lot by seeing him in his natural environment, observing his behavior around other people. (Ex. how he treats waiting staff, shop assistants, friends etc.) Three dates could give her sufficient time, if she knows what shes looking for. The problem for women lies in the fact that many men change after sex. Guys become flakey, take longer to return text messages and generally stop pursuing in the same way they did before they had sex. This is a very real fear for women that they try to safe guard against. No matter how many dates you have been on, the balance of a relationship shifts significantly in the mans favor once sex has been introduced. Its a higher form of emotional investment for a woman. The very act of sex produces chemicals in her body that make her want to bond with the man shes just slept with. Most women are aware of this biochemical change, emotionally if not logically. In many cases women have experienced such a negative shift in a mans behavior post-sex that they adopt rules in future encounters with men. Simply put, the few have made it difficult for the many! While were not here to be your moral guides, we do advocate honesty and openness while developing new sexual relationships. Not only does it protect the feelings of everyone involved, it is also advantageous in creating stronger and more fulfilling sexual connections. Women will never blame you for embracing your masculinity and being sexual.

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


COMMON DATING MISTAKES
If you take a woman on the classic romantic datedinner and a movieyoull find it is difficult to fulfill all the above criteria above. Even for great conversationalists, the challenges linked to these types of dates put a strain on your conversation and hinder your chances of developing a physical relationship.

THE DOWNFALLS OF DINNER


She may become self conscious about eating in front of you You fit in to the category of the average guy that she has rejected before Your ability to physically escalate is restricted (often by the table) Increased focus and pressure is placed on your conversation Increased pressure is placed on impressing her with money

THE DOWNFALLS OF MOVIE


No focus is placed on connecting through conversation. A spotlight is placed on every physical escalation attempt because it will be the only form of communication between you. Therefore awareness is heightened. Youre at the mercy of the movie to determine her mood, if the movie is bad/sad/ boring youre going to have an unnecessary task of changing her emotional state. You fit into the clich dates category, so you have to fight to build attraction, but you dont have an avenue to build it.

Need we say more? Save dinner and movie dates for girls that youre already sleeping with. The exception to this is of course if these dates are taking place at your house. If she is coming over for dinner or coming over to watch a movie, these are great logistically and have a different vibe.

NOT ATTEMPTING INTIMACY


Unresolved sexual tension can hang negatively over a developing relationship. It influences the way she acts and answers your questions. Similarly, it affects the way you act and answer her questions until youve sleep together.

TEXTBOOK 1 - BREAKING THE DATING MYTHS


We advocate sleeping with her sooner rather than later; only then will you be able guide the relationship in the direction of your choice, free from clouded perspectives or ulterior motives. Although turning things sexual as early as possible speeds up the seduction process, becoming obsessed with it and pressuring her for sex will only hinder the development of a meaningful relationship. You must learn to calibrate your advances to the specific woman and situation. Some women have their rules, and even the most charming man may not make her deviate from them. All women have their blueprint for dropping their rules. You just have to figure it out and be the guy she wants without sacrificing your self-worth.

OVERCOMING DATING MISTAKES


Before finding Love Systems, many men have trouble rapidly developing sexual relationships. Many fall into the fallacy of the three date rule which says it take three dates before they can become intimate with a woman. While some women do consciously choose to follow a three date rule, you must: 1. Understand what function the rules are playing (usually a form of self-protection) 2. See yourself as the exception to any rule and reject any attempts to restrict you with the rule. 3. Lead her comfortably to sex based on how well you both connect and through sexual arousal.

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BREAKING THE TRADITIONAL RULES
By instantly displaying that you are not the average guyyou dont buy into the common myths of dating; that she is the one chasing youyou establish a dynamic in the relationship that works in your favor for escalating quickly.

RUN SOLID GAME


A firm grasp of the Love Systems Triad Model is absolutely essential. Running solid game is the definition we use for working through to the top of the Triad Model in the correct sequence. Attraction before comfort, comfort before seduction, etc., all while physically escalating and a leading her to a location where youre both comfortable having sex. Being proficient in leading a woman through the Emotional Progression Model is vital. You must get good at: Building attraction stimulating her emotions and demonstrating higher value Qualifying her getting her to demonstrate her value and showing appreciation for more than just her looks Building comfort Connecting and developing a deeper understanding of each. Seducing her Turning things sexual and arousing her.

These are the foundations needed to begin a sexual relationship in the fastest possible time. For a more in depth look at the Triad Model, view the video companion. (We can throw in Hoss video for SC 2011 and just cut the tails of it.)

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SPIKE ATTRACTION
Dont get too serious and too deep when youre focused on breaking the rules. Fun overrides the logical brain and makes us more responsive to suggestions from others. Focus on: Teasing her Misinterpreting what she says o o Start off with misinterpreting what she says as her being attracted to you As the night progresses the misinterpretation will become increasingly sexual

Playing games Disqualifying yourself as a sexual prospect o This is counter intuitive, but it hits hard and its a great way to cloak your escalation

* Focus on fun and emotional stimulation

BUILD COMFORT
The amount of comfort and connection needed to build a long-term relationship is larger than the amount needed for just sex. A woman needs to know enough about you to trust that you are who you say you are. Do this and she will be safe going back to your house or bringing you back to hers. She will be assessing over the course of the dateconsciously and sub-consciouslyto see: 1. If you remain consistent with the attractive image that you portrayed in the initial meeting 2. How comfortable she feels around you 3. Whether or not she can see you as a part of her life and if so, what type of role will you play. Most of the time shell be sizing up your relationship potential and going too deep into comfort will increase your relationship potential and hinder the speed at which things turn sexual.

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W ith this in mind, you should display that what she discovered about you at the initial meeting was just the tip of the iceberg, and that theres way more depth and attractiveness to you.

The best comfort builder in this sense is revealing your passions and your purpose. These are the things that get you to jump out of bed in the morning. When you talk about them, there should be passion in your voicenot because youre trying to seem enthused, but because you cant help but be enthused. Its controlled and genuine. Your passion/purpose should be the driving force of your life.

As youre weaving the above into your conversation, use it as an opportunity to show both sides of your personality. If you were high-energy and witty during your first meet, sprinkle in bits of your intellectual side. Shell love the intrigue, and she wants to see your full emotional range. By seeing this range, she can better gauge who you are away from her.

An interesting comfort builder is giving your unique view of the world. This means you tell her how you see the world, as you filter it through the attraction switches in your stories. Here is an example from Vercetti: For example: Vercetti: I read something that really resonated with me today Sylvia: What? Vercetti: What are you scared of? Sylvia: I dont know, I hate spiders. Vercetti: Youre adorable, I mean in your life This guy said something really interesting he said its ok to be scared, when taking on something new being a little scared is natural and can inspire you to prepare well and do your best. Its Fear that we have to watch out for. Fear is paralyzing and stops you from taking chances in life. I thought that was a great way to look at it and when I think back to the crazy things Ive done recently, Ive been scared but taken action anyway and its always pushed me to stay sharp and work even harder, and things have turned out great.

These are the active comfort builders, ones you steer the conversation toward. However, just as much comfort can be built passively.

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Passively built comfort comes from absorbing opportunities that come your way. These include leading, such as when you open a door for her, order, etc. You can also do it by making her feel safe, such as holding her hand when you cross the street or through crowds. Its man stuffgive her the feeling that you are looking out for her and that she can rely on you because of it. Holding her hand as you lead her through a crowd doesnt just mean you dont want her to get lost. It signals that you think about her as you amble through life and shell have a special place in it and not be tossed aside. Its subtle, but women work in subtleties and subcommunications. Always ask yourself what your subcommunicating, not just what youre directly communicating. Lastly, you will want to turn things sexual. This in itself indicates a sense of trust between you and her. The danger of the comfort phase is the power to paint you as boyfriend material. By sexualizing things you keep her present and in the moment rather than fantasizing about the future with you as an awesome boyfriend. Verbal Examples: Tell me more about why you do X. I find it intriguing, even if I wasnt trying to get into your pants Id still want to know. Just listening to you explain why you X, I can feel how passionate you are about it thats sexytell me morein fact lets change topic youre making think naughty thoughts

SET FRAMES FOR FAST ESCALATION


Frames are the underlying assumptions and emotional contexts of an interaction. Frames exist everywhere in society. Imagine, for example, if you were in a classroom talking to a teacher. The frame is one of student and teacher. Imagine if that teacher was instead a police officer interviewing you. Can you picture how different that interaction would be? Now take this concept and apply it to dating. Imagine you set the frame of being a nice, reliable and dependable guy who rarely pushes boundaries. You often bend to her requests and try to impress her with gifts. These characteristics set one frame. Imagine that you set the frame

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that you are an exciting, fun, ambitious, unpredictable guy who takes her on adventures. You surprise her and test her capabilities. Imagine the difference in her emotional state around you. These two archetypes would play different roles in her life. If you dont set a frame in your favor, then she will set it (unconsciously). Usually, this means the frame wont favor fast sexual escalation. By establishing effective frames as early as possible, you can transform the dynamic between you and her. For example, when you first meet, if you set frames that establish the relationship as nonjudgmental, youll set the foundation for a relationship unrestricted by fear of social judgment. Similarly, if you set frames of adventure and sexual expression, then you set the stage for an affair limited only by your imaginations. As a rule, the dominant frame in an interaction takes precedence over the weaker one(s). Focus on actively setting the right frames while avoiding any unhelpful frames she sets. Establish yourself as the prize that she is working to win. Everything she does is seen as an attempt to impress you, seduce you and keep you interested. Shes trying to impress you: Interpret things she does and an attempt to impress you o o She wears a sweet smelling perfume: That smells sexy, good choice, thank you You look incredible, I love women who dress up for me (hug her then release with) ok, dont get carried away, stop trying to seduce me She dresses up and makes an effort:

Note: These frames are set in a playful way, if you are too forceful in your attempt to set a frame or overt youll come up against resistance. Women have egos too, and being accused outright of trying to impress someone will cause her ego defense to kick in. Shes sexual and dangerous Highlight a quality she has and link it to sexuality o The way she walks/looks at you/talks

Example 1: Vercetti: I dont feel safe around you Gabi: Why, what have I done? Vercetti: Its the way you walk Its sexy, but its dangerous. Next thing I know Ill be stripped

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down naked in bed telling you Im in love I can already tell youre bad for me. Example 2: Vercetti: The way you talk about nursing is sexy. I can see how passionate you are about it. Youre a dangerous one. Ive gotta watch myself with you. I know how this ends, it starts with you innocently displaying what youre passionate about next thing Im waking up tomorrow morning and youve taken my virginity. I can already tell, you just want me for my body. Rachel: Haha no I dont! Vercetti: Oh so now you dont find me attractive! Huh, this date is over! (Gets up to leave and goes to the bathroom) Here is an example of a re-frame (She tries to set a negative frame and Braddock re-frames it in his favor): Her: Im not sleeping with you You: Whoa where did that come from? Why are you being so serious? Her: Im not! You: Listen, are you having fun? Her: Yes. You: So am I. Lets just go with that. The above example is a small frame you can set. Basically, you are saying that you arent taking the date too seriously and you arent thinking about societal rules. You just want the two of you to have fun.

LEAD WITH PLAYFUL DOMINANCE


Even the most high-powered, career-oriented woman will admit to wanting a man who can take the lead and protect her in a relationship. Lets clarify what we mean by protection. In todays world emotional protection is more important than outright physical or financial protection. By emotional protection, we mean you, as a man, are more emotionally centered and decisive than her. Portray the image of a man that knows what he wants and doesnt waiver or change with the wind. The more of a rock solid presence you can provide in a womans life, the more shell turn to you to lead her and make decisions.

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This is absolutely vital for breaking the three-date rule. If you have displayed strong, confident leadership ability throughout the date, you can amp up the physical escalation because its easier for her to trust and follow your lead. Your track record indicates what is in store for her will follow the same path of fun, adventure and positive emotional stimulation. On a more scientific note, leading accesses the part of her brain, which overrides her logic. It allows her to connect with her emotions making her much more sensitive, in the moment and willing to go with the flow. A woman doesnt want to be responsible for her own seduction. For the same reason that she has her rules, she wont want to feel like a slut for leading the seduction. She can feel unfeminine taking the lead, and this feeling causes her to lose attraction for the man. The chances of you hooking up and turning things sexual fall drastically if you arent making it happen. Leading for most men can be uncomfortable at first. The leadership muscle needs to be developed over.

Here are a few areas you can start leading to develop the Leadership muscle: o o o Physical o When crossing the road take her by the hand to escort her across then release once you get to the other side. When opening a door for her, placing you hand on her lower back and guide her through. If youre going through a crowded place, lightly take her hand behind you as you lead her through the crowd. As a rule of thumb, initiate physical contact but also be the one to break contact first.

Emotional o See yourself as a master of her emotional state. Over the course of the date you will be leading her emotionally through the topics and themes you bring up, but mainly by cycling her through the key stages of the emotional progression model.

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o o o Conversational o The responsibility of leading the conversation falls on you. This doesnt mean you spend the whole date talking about yourself but it does mean you some what control the topics you talk about. Its necessary to avoid negative topics or topics which arent helpful to the seduction while leading her on to topics which are helpful. Use role plays, cold/warm reads Choose topics of conversation with high emotional intensity Passions Likes Dislikes Dreams and Desires Fears Fantasies Hobbies Early Influences Family Challenges Interests The Future

Cutting boring threads Insert state breaks Playfully say thats sexy to off putting or negative topics

So basically youre trying to impress me?

Changing topics Well this is great first date conversation isnt it? Be willing to call out inappropriate conversation in a playful dominant way.

Logistical o o Progress toward your place on the date and have a plan of where to go. Be decisive. If you can sense the environment getting stale and youre struggling with conversation, it can be an ideal time to change venue.

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DISPLAY YOUR WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY
A woman will test you to see how much she can get away with or to challenge your strength of character. In the same way you are screening her for desirable qualities an attractive, an experienced woman has an idea of what she is looking for in a man. If you fall at the hurdle by failing her tests or letting her cross boundaries, you will face an uphill struggle to turn the relationship sexual. Once you have displayed that youre a pushover, that you have weak boundaries or no standards and expectations, she will instantly lose attraction for you. By displaying your willingness to walk away you state youre a high-value man who is pre-selected (you have other options), you have standards and expectations (you wont accept negative behavior) and you have not put her on the pedestal most men put attractive women on. The only reason a guy wouldnt display a willingness to walk away is the fact he is scared of losing her. Examples: Displaying your willingness to walk away creates the emotion of scarcity, which is a powerful motivational force in advertising but also in dating. If she feels she always has access to you or she has you completely, the challenge is over. More importantly the urgency is lost. The motivational force for her to act now disappears. Have you ever been shopping and seen a sign that says SALE! Must end today? You may have felt the pull of urgency to at least check out what kind of bargains you could pick up. This emotional pull is the kind the willingness to walk away creates. It makes a woman chase you.
A small caveat: in order for this to work effectively she must already be attracted to you and at least see you as having sexual potential. Start small and gradually build up. How to display your willingness to walk away: Takeaways o Walking away and leaving her alone for short periods

If youre at an art exhibition, wonder off and look at artwork without waiting for her. Boundaries Breaking rapport o I dont know you well enough, Ill tell you later once we trust each other

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more I will tell you that Im very close with my family, Im very protective of my mum and my sisters.

Standards and Expectations Playful Disqualificationfind a reason why the two of you wont work that can be overcome

HANDLE LOGISTICS IN ADVANCE


A woman may be willing to have sex with you, but if you dont have a place to do it, closing the deal gets complicated. (Well cover logistics in detail later on.) You should set up a date with the end in mind. Ask yourself, Where do I want to end up? Find the answer and plan your date backward, charting a course from a place where you can become intimate without interruption or fear of judgment. This location can be anywhere, but for now just understand that handling logistics is one of your key leadership responsibilities. If you handle logistics properly, youll have a smoother date and limit state breaks.

AROUSE HER AND PHYSICALLY ESCALATE


Awkward, weird, invisible nervous tension will naturally present itself when meeting for a first date. Thats life. You must break the invisible tension barrier through touching early, and then progress the physical conversation in parallel with the verbal one. Her emotions are extremely powerful once they are stimulated. They can cause her to make decisions that she wouldnt normally make. By arousing her sexual desire, you engage her emotional mind, which is capable of overriding her logical mind and its objections. In an instant, she can get swept up in your pleasure rather than thinking about the consequences of the situation. You must cultivate the ability to turn a woman on. If you have the ability to arouse her, shell love you for it. Creating sexual attraction is not a logical process, and it takes practice, but it can be powerful once learned and applied. Of course, every woman is different, but knowing an arsenal of arousal techniques caters to rapidly escalating a sexual relationship. The fortunate men who understand a womans sexual nature can help her to enhance it. These men experience women in a way the average guy never will.

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For more, see section on On The Date, in particular, the section on Physical Escalation.

SEX: JUST GO FOR IT!


The only way sex will happen is if the man leads the woman to the bedroom. This can be daunting for an inexperienced guy, but a woman will not do the work for you. If you follow the steps in this book, you will have set up your date(s) to end with sex. This is not trickery. If you engage her properly and run a smooth date, she will want to have sex with you. It will seem like the most natural thing in the world and shell love the experience.

SUMMARY
Dating Myths place awkward and unnatural pressure on women. However, if you adopt your own non-judgmental beliefs about dating, you can liberate a woman from the awkward social pressure she faces. Before you start this book. Go to the Introduction workbook and complete the exercises on prior dates.

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