Practical Methods to Deal With Loneliness

Humans And Loneliness

Humans weren't made to be alone. God made it clear early in His dealings with His
newly created friends. "It is not good for man to be alone," He said, "I will make
a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18. Oh, how wonderful that would be for a
person who is lonely. To have God make a person suitable for them. "The question
is, "What do I do now in my particular lonely situation?" How do I cope with being
alone, and with the fear of isolation and abandonment slowly eating at my self
esteem and my self confidence. Yet, it is important to memorize a few important
aspects with regard to being alone that slips easily from one's mind. Although we
weren't made to be alone, and being alone really becomes a severe trial for us,
there is a measure of fulfillment we can enjoy while we wait on God to bring us to
the mate we long for, or to the group of friends that will love and support us.
Yes, remember that all humans, although they were made to live with, and move
through life with other humans, there is still a God-shaped vacuum in each person.
Unless this vacuum is filled by the intimate presence of God, that person is not
completely content, even though he or she is in a marriage or relationship, a
loving family, or has a large social network around them.

(Many people think that they will find happiness when they are married. The truth
is, without God filling that deep, inner void, people never find the level of
happiness they desire.)

It isn't too difficult to pick up. Notice how people take each other for granted,
how couples fight, or how there is gossip and back biting within a large social
group. Having people in and around your life is not the ultimate answer to
happiness. Having people in and around your life is a gift that God gives to
compliment the happiness that should come from Him first. Ultimate and perfect
happiness can only come from knowing God intimately. Once a person knows God
intimately, and they have that inner contentment, composure and confidence, then
they are in the ideal position to enjoy the gifts that God gives in the form of
families, relationships, marriage, and friendships with people around them.

All People are Lonely in Some Way

In speaking to many people who are married, or in supportive families, they are
still lonely in many regards. Many people have deep inner conflicts which they
cannot share with just anyone, not even their marriage partner, their parents, or
their closest friends. There are hurts from the past, personal addictions or
weaknesses, or deep inner conflicts, that a person just cannot trust anyone with.
These "protected" or "sheltered" issues often isolate an individual and makes them
feel alone as they grapple with it, without anyone else involved. That is why it
is so important for a person who is living by themselves, not to allow Satan to
use their loneliness as something negative . . . not to allow Satan to use the
people that are surrounded by other people, as something to be envied.

Each person has a loneliness that only God can fill, (See picture above) each
person has unspoken secrets that can only be revealed to God, and each person has
a missing component in their happiness that can only be experienced as they follow
God. People who are alone need to be conscious of the fact that when they take the
step toward filling up this first and foremost need, experienced by all humans,
the lonely and those who aren't lonely, they will be blessed with a measure of
happiness that not many people find. Here are practical ways to deal with
loneliness, find this measure of happiness, and enjoy an excellent quality of
life:

1. Put God First For Happiness

When God created man, He gave him special, inherent tendencies that would bring
him ultimate happiness. Although God gave man the noble ability of reason, freedom
of choice, and the ability to process thoughts and feel emotions, He still made
man with His own image and His basic makeup--to give and receive love with other
humans, and with his Caring Creator. Man is not happy alone, man is not happy when
he is cut off from contact with people around him, and man is not happy when he is
not in contact with the Generous God that made Him. But, God made the bonding with
Himself the strongest force within man. Nothing can satisfy man the way the bond
with God can. People in the world, who don't know God, go on a constant search to
find happiness, without really finding a happiness that is complete, where they
can rest and remain for the rest of their lives. Some people pour their energies
into their work, others live for their families, others pursue sporting endeavors,
(see picture below) while others engage in excessive drinking, drugs and
socializing.

All these people keep searching indefinitely, constantly striving for something
else, but not finding the level of happiness they want. In times gone by, God
often drew men into isolation in order to get closer to Him. He led Moses into the
wilderness for 40 years to get him ready to lead the people of Israel out of
Egypt. He allowed Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery in a distant, foreign
land for many years, and then be in prison for 3 or more years after that. David
tended sheep all alone in the pastures, and later went into hiding from Saul for
many years. John the Baptist preached from the wilderness where he lived, and
Jesus himself worked alone for many years, and then had to spend 40 days alone in
the wilderness before he started his ministry. After Paul's dramatic conversion,
he spent time alone in the desert of Arabia before he actively started his
ministry. John was banished to the isle of Patmos, where all alone, he was given
the book of Revelation. Being in a situation of isolation and being alone is not
to be seen in a negative light. The need that God created inside of each person to
be in an intimate relationship with his or her Creator, should be fulfilled first.
When this need is met, the person who is alone is at the best point to draw other
people towards themselves, to understand the needs of others, and to be content
even if they only have a relationship with God alone. God places reminders
everywhere of His Supreme Creatorship. His signature is everywhere as a ceaseless
reminder that by His Word He can speak miracles and marvelous wonders into
existence.

As was mentioned in the article on being "Alone or Lonely," so many people enter
relationships or marriage in order to find happiness. They put so much pressure on
that other person to make them happy, that they literally suck the energy and
vitality from the other person--this is because they don't have the primary or
fundamental happiness first before they enter any type of relationship. This
happiness, as we said above, comes only from an intimate relationship with God.
So, when a person is forced by circumstances out of their control, into being
alone, it would be helpful to take the first crucial step that all people need to
take--to build an intimate, daily, committed relationship with God. Letting go of
the automatic panic that follows these new circumstances of being alone, and
allowing God's still small voice to speak, to soothe, and to strengthen until
there is a new tenacity and fervor to live a happy life irrespective of our
circumstances.

2. Put Others Next For Happiness

When a person looks at themselves, at their circumstances, and at their possible
future, they only get discouraged. Most people will compare themselves with other
people that are more successful than they are and that have a life filled with
supportive friends and family. This "comparing" is a sure recipe for despair and
discouragement. Once again, Satan will flash thoughts of hopelessness into a
person's mind and slowly chip away at their will to live and carry on. He shows
them how little they have, how pathetic their situation is, and how worthless they
are in offering other people anything good in a relationship or marriage. These
thoughts can be dispelled in two powerful ways. Firstly, by practically
implementing 2 Corinthians 10:5 by praying this prayer to the Holy Spirit. "Holy
Spirit, take these negative thoughts captive, and make them obedient to Christ,
through the precious blood of His crucifixion."

The second very powerful way to dispel self pity by focusing too much on self, is
to sit up and take note of the other people living in the world. The world is full
of lonely people. Satan attacks a person who lives alone to think that they are
the only one going through this agony. When a person who is alone steps out beyond
their immediate small isolated world and looks a little further, they will
encounter countless other people, more lonely than they are. Yes, somehow
circumstances causing loneliness and isolation have changed the lives of many many
people out there. What happens when one person who is alone, finds another person
who is alone, and they become friends? The answer is, both people aren't lonely
anymore. So, together with becoming intimate friends with God, the other practical
way out of loneliness is to consciously go and find other lonely people.
Retirement homes, hospitals, homes for the handicapped, prisons, orphanages, and
youth detention facilities are all filled with hurting, lonely people. Then there
are the singles web sites, and countless other people who live and work around
people everyday, that are desperately lonely. The therapy found in helping someone
else out of their desperate situation is remarkable. A person who is alone, who
takes on this mission in their lives, will not be lonely anymore. By making the
decision to get out and help others, the person who is alone will suddenly have
left their life of loneliness behind forever.

3. Become "Creator Aware"

Whoever you are, and wherever you find yourself today, are you currently convinced
and convicted constantly, as to the capability of the Creator to control your
life? Every single aspect of your life? Or have you been tricked and tripped up
by unseen powers to forget the Creator and lead a life independent of Him? Are you
wrestling to be a better person, trying to reach the standard that people around
you or the church expects of you? Are you crushed by circumstances in your
personal life, facing either loneliness, a failing relationship, a rebellious
child, a looming financial catastrophe, a recent death, or a fatal illness? Or are
you free of any of these trials, but you have no desire to meet with God or get to
know Him? Whatever your circumstances might be, you need to come face to face with
the reality of a Creator God that spoke everything around you in this world and in
the universe into existence. Your life will change when you call on the Creator
God saying, “Lord, just say the word!” “Remember your Creator in the days of your
youth, before the days of trouble come . . .” Eccleciates 12:1. Yes, remembering
your Creator before the days of trouble come will be a miraculous source of
strength, security and stability. What is secure in this life? Nothing really.
(Nothing is secure in life . . . just the knowledge that God is the all Powerful
Creator and Controller of the universe.)

Businesses can close, marriages can breakup, people can die, whole lives with
possessions and dwellings can disappear in earthquakes or severe storms. The only
hope man has is that the One who created him is true to His Word to recreate and
renew his life and happiness at the beginning of each day in the present, and
recreate and renew this lost world in the future. In order to experience the
miracle of the Creator’s commitment to daily recreation and renewal, (see 2
Corinthians 4:16), learn how to get to know God by building your life around
spending time alone with Him in prayer, meditation, and study of the same powerful
Word that spoke the universe and this earth into existence.

The Natural Reward

Another trait of God's character that God created into the fibre of man, is to
enjoy giving. God is the Great Generous Giver. He gives and gives to those who
love Him and those who ignore Him alike. He gives because it pleases Him to do so.
The rich reward of giving that God gets, He also passed on to the humans He
created. "The giver is more blessed than the receiver," is a beautiful reality
that is present whenever people go out of their way for others. So, as a person
who is alone through the circumstances that has befallen him or her, reaches out
to the others that have become victims of similar circumstances, the person
reaching out is lavished with a rich reward of deep, inner fulfillment and
satisfaction. Who can refuse it? Then as the person living alone now moves into
the lives of others, so by word of mouth, this unselfish, caring person becomes a
friend to many people. (No one can resist the committed, caring, and concerned
efforts of a genuine hand of love, reaching out in true friendship.)

People know people, friends have family, families know other families who have
other friends . . . and before long, God can work through this network of love, to
bring the ideal mate for someone. God's hands are tied by a person who sits
sulking in solitude, bound and bewildered by hopelessness and self pity. God works
miracles in the lives of those who, putting their own desires and needs aside,
build their lives around getting to know Him, and then working for the happiness
of those people around them.

(God has the name of each person's perfect partner already picked out . . . it's
just up to each person to persist in their trust and daily commitment to becoming
one and staying one with God).

For more on how to deal with loneliness go to:

www.Relevantlifesolutions.org