As opino yo My opinion today All rights reserved

My opinion today...

FACING THE CONSEQUENCES

Iris Herrera de Milano August, 2012

As opino yo My opinion today All rights reserved

As opino yo My opinion today All rights reserved

FACING THE CONSEQUENCES - Iris Herrera de Milano Many times we have seen situations where the parents of a kind of "naughty" child who has damaged the property of a neighbour, show themselves offended when the affected person knocks on their door to complain about the behaviour of the "brat". In these cases, parents -in an act devoid of any pedagogy- are offended by the claim and there is little need for them to qualify the neighbour in question as "harassing" . Years later, the same "naughty child" -who has already become an adult without parents who automatically show solidarity- has unfinished businesses with the court system for having run over a pedestrian with his car, and fled the scene of the accident. The future of that child would surely had been different if the naughty boys parents had given him the opportunity to realize that each action has consequences, and that a person needs to face them in order to learn and grow, both personally and in his relationship with other people. As parents we do not have to show ourselves reluctant to take advantage of learning opportunities which, planned or by chance, appear before our children. We need not to fear being labeled as "hard" when we prefer our daughter to suffer the consequences of her actions. If she broke something, it's natural to make it clear for her that her behaviour has been inappropriate and that, moreover, she must compensate the owner of the object for that. If our son damaged the neighbour's car paint, he must pay for the cost of repair. How? Parents may, on the one hand, pay the neighbour to fix the vehicle and on the other hand, give a soft loan to their son for him to repay to them the amount they had to unexpectedly spend due to his inappropriate behavior.

As opino yo My opinion today All rights reserved

The son will have to reimburse the loan managing his own allowance or doing some extra work. Maybe someone could say "it is not good for a child to get frustrated, because then he/she will not dare to do anything and will lose the initiative." I would reply: It is appropriate and necessary for the child to experience the nature of the emotion that, in turn, is being felt by the neighbour to whom that child caused the material damage. It is appropriate for the child to experience the effects of his behavior, to learn that there are boundaries in human relationships, some of which are imposed by social practices and some others are stipulated in laws and regulations. It is appropriate for the child to realize those behaviours have consequences at different moments of life: immediately, in the claim by the neighbor; at a later time, going into debt to compensate the damage, and experiencing the decrease of the net amount of his allowance. Moreover, by so doing -teaching the "naughty boy"- he will become able to understand how his behaviour affects himself and others and will be able to transfer that learning to situations that may arise in the future. That way, we will actively collaborate in building a healthy society, to avoid promoting inappropriate behaviours in our children. A few children develop into sociopaths(*) when their early misconducts are tolerated by adults around them.

As opino yo My opinion today All rights reserved

Those children get used to exercise abusive power without fear of punishment, i.e. the consequence. Those parents covering up for their child encourage the wrong behaviours during a childhood of excessive and repeated permissiveness. Facing the consequences, repairing damages, behaving properly, preventing unnecessary troubles, all these actions are part of the learning of social interaction, which is nothing more than the recognition of the existence of limits to one's own conduct and a demonstration of respect for other peoples rights.

(*) Some useful definitions: 1. The sociopathy, also known as antisocial personality disorder (APA), is a condition where basically people suffer from lack of awareness of the importance of social norms, laws, and individual rights. 2. The antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard and violation of the rights of others. This pattern has been also referred to as psychopathy.