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Rory Ridley-Duff
Friends or Lovers
For every man who has lost love, and every woman who can’t find
it…
Penny Leyton is one smart sexy woman on her way to the top. Bridget
Jones she certainly is not, but she has the same chaotic approach to
romance. Just as she is breaking through the glass ceiling, her boss
Dave Stockton hints at a workplace scandal. Ablaze with moral
outrage, Penny realises too late that one of her own friends is
implicated and that she is part of the problem. Can she untangle herself
from a hidden web of intrigue and save herself?
www.roryridleyduff.com
“Anyone who cares about love will give this book to their partner or
spouse, sister or brother.”
Dr Poonam Thapa
Gender, Culture and Sexual Health Expert
Also by Rory Ridley-Duff
Dr Poonam Thapa
Gender, Culture and Sexual Health Expert
The people who made this book possible are numerous. Firstly, I‟d like to
thank Caroline, my wife, for the enormous patience and support she has given
to my writing aspirations. It is every author‟s dream to have someone with
whom they can freely discuss ideas, draft chapters, propose story lines, and
who will also check their manuscript for errors and support them through lean
times. For these and many other reasons, you are still my dream woman.
To family members and life-long friends who did not spare my feelings in
their feedback on early drafts, you have my enduring thanks. Your comments
were invaluable and I trust you will spot your influence in the end result. To
my children, Natasha and Bethany, you have been a constant source of
inspiration and the best antidote to loneliness that any writer could ask for.
This book tackles a sensitive subject and I am indebted to many research
participants and work colleagues for the insights they have provided over the
years (whether intended or not). This book is fiction but without undertaking a
series of workplace studies, this text would never have seen the light of day or
come close to the reality of working life in early 21 st Century Britain.
To my muse in business, Poonam, I thank you for helping me find moral
courage when everyone around me thought I was mad or hopelessly naïve for
writing this novel. Our conversations about the human condition will remain
with me always.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 1
they are past it. God, was he past it! He had aged well, I guess,
but too old for me – definitely! And he really irritated me when
he shared dirty jokes with his friends but never with me. I could
see right through him. He was certainly not my type. Not my
type at all.
I‟m fairly new here. Nine months into my first job as Head of
Personnel. In my previous job I‟d been fast-tracked to deputy
director but came up against the glass ceiling. To progress I had
to move. I guess the sexual revolution has helped a bit. Twenty
years ago this company would not have contemplated me in this
position. Many of my management colleagues are women too.
I can see that men have it harder in some respects, but the
patriarchy seems alive and well. Mike is proof enough of that. I
would not call myself a feminist, but I‟m not averse to a
confrontation with the occasional unreconstructed man,
particularly in the company of like-minded female friends.
It can be quite a laugh making a sexist-pig squirm.
So, here we are. Mike the macho, sales rep of the year four
years ago, now leading a successful team but getting angry when
one of his administrative staff won‟t go for a drink with him.
Married with children, probably bored at home, still wanting to
resurrect his youth and put it about. Not quite as straightforward
as some situations I‟ve faced because he has a good reputation
and is well liked. I think, perhaps, I‟d better check with my boss
before I do anything here.
“Mike. Leave it with me for the next 24 hours, I‟ll look into
this and get back to you. In the mean time, steer clear of Elona.
She‟s a bit sensitive at the moment. Boyfriend trouble, I think.
Come see me tomorrow and we‟ll wrap this up.”
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 2
“No, Mike, I‟m away in France next week. I can give you „til
4 pm. If you need to talk to your wife then take the day off, but
I don‟t want this hanging around while I‟m away.”
“She‟s working.”
“Can‟t you call her? Meet her for lunch?”
“I‟ll try. Penny...” he hesitated. He was trying to say
something, but I could see that he was struggling to find the
words.
“What is it, Mike?”
“This…” his eyes looked up at the ceiling then down at the
floor. His awkwardness was palpable but no further words came
out.
“If that‟s all, Mike, I have to go.”
I got up from my seat and felt his eyes burn a hole in me. He
was not a happy man.
Mike called me back later that day and accepted the new job.
It is never easy giving someone a sideways move but it has to be
done sometimes. The hardest thing is protecting someone‟s
dignity while sending a message that some behaviour is
unacceptable. In some ways, I feel sorry for Mike, but the world
is changing and the type of behaviour he is responsible for is no
longer acceptable to either men or women. I do have a
conscience. I was able to protect his income. He can‟t really
complain. His family is still safe. The problem is sorted and
Elona is protected. I get a small amount of satisfaction that I
can contribute to changing the values of society and make the
world slightly safer for women. If I have to clip the wings of a
man who sets a bad example then it feels like a job well done.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 3
today. He was not bad, I thought. A pity he had not been at the
party the night before.
When we boarded the plane, I manoeuvred myself into the
queue just in front of him. My bum looks good in jeans so I
ensured that he got a good look at it by bending down to tie a
(non-existent) shoelace. It seemed to have the desired effect
because five minutes later I was in a window seat and he sat
down next to me. He continued to read his book until the plane
took off but then started to look across me out of the window.
As the plane rose higher and higher, he continued to gaze at the
buildings and roads below.
“Flying always makes me feel humble,” he suddenly remarked.
“You look down there and you realise just how insignificant you
are.”
He looked straight into my eyes and held my gaze for a
second, and then he smiled. All the lines at the corners of his
eyes creased. Definitely nice eyes. I instinctively smiled back.
He held my gaze long enough to let me know he liked the way I
looked, then without another word he resumed reading his book.
From then on, I noticed his every move. He was reading
intently, underlining phrases that caught his imagination.
Sometimes he would sigh, and at other times he frowned. After
a while he let out a laugh.
“A comedy?” I asked.
He turned to me again and smiled.
“Of sorts,” he remarked showing me the title of an article he
was reading. I obliged by reading it out.
“The impact of sexuality on group dynamics: a symbolic
interactionist perspective.” I paused for a moment and then
quipped, “Some comedy!”
Friends or Lovers
“You‟ve got a wife?” the words came out so fast that I kicked
myself.
“Yes, and kids,” he immediately answered.
He continued without any trace of embarrassment while I
wanted to shrink into my seat. If my cheeks had coloured up, he
convinced me that they had not.
“Some of my clients think of me as a pain in the arse.”
I was tempted to make another flirty comment, but resisted.
“Why?”
“Well, let‟s see. You‟re in HR, right? You must have an
abundance of „knowledge‟ about men and women.”
The way he said „knowledge‟ was weird, like a challenge. Did
I detect the hint of mockery?
“As much as the next person, I guess.”
“Oh, more than that, surely? It is your job to know about men
and women. You must be acutely aware of their typical
profile.”
“Of course,” I said with a smile. “Woman are made of sugar
and spice and all things nice while men are made of slugs and
snails and puppy dogs tails.”
He smiled.
“We don‟t have long enough to discuss that one! Okay. A
taster only. Let‟s take something outside your everyday
experience. Let‟s think about the army.”
“The army!” I was genuinely surprised. “Your assumption is
right. Khaki never was my colour and I don‟t like getting dirty.”
“You disappoint me,” he said, raising his eyebrows.
“What about the army, then?” I asked, brushing aside his
comment with a smile.
Friends or Lovers
“Well, it may not be fair. I usually ask this question at the end
of a course,” he said.
“Aha! The million pound question!” I said. “Can I ask the
audience?”
“Well, it‟s your opinion that really intrigues me,” he said.
I liked that. It was flattering to think I intrigued him.
“Okay. Here‟s your question. „What‟s the most sexist thing
about the army?‟”
What an odd question, I thought, and it made me pause.
“Fuck! Where do I begin?”
Where would this lead? I turned over half a dozen arguments
in my head – the army is, after all, an organisation created by
men, staffed largely by men with the purpose of keeping men in
power. However, I didn‟t want to spoil a promising
conversation by saying this. I started to offer less controversial
suggestions.
“Bullying, raping and abusing.”
He looked at me kindly.
“That‟s three things,” he said with a wry smile.
“I saw a documentary some time ago about women in the
army. Some had to put up with dreadful abuse. I had a
girlfriend who was in the police, and she talked of similar things
happening to her. I imagine the army is even worse.”
“Bullying, rape and abuse happen to men as well,” John said.
I felt nervous and my right hand instinctively went to pinch my
ear lobe. I found it difficult to look him in the eye while I
thought.
“Can I phone a friend?” I teased.
“All mobiles must be switched off during the flight,” he said
with mock severity.
Rory Ridley-Duff
“But not a very sexy topic. Not nearly as sexy as your perfume
….”
I laughed before I could stop myself.
“Hey, married man! Should you be talking to me like that?” I
snapped back ensuring my eyes caught his again.
“But it is sexy. Are you asking me to lie to you? I thought
women hated liars….”
“Perhaps you should be a bit more choosey about the things
you say.” I said these words with a smile that reassured him
that his compliments were very welcome.
“Okay, what should I say to a young woman like you?”
It was not what he said that induced butterflies, but the way he
looked at me as he said it.
“Less of the „young‟, please,” I said coyly. “I‟m old enough to
gobble you up.”
“Hmmm. Nice thought. I can see that I‟m going to have to
watch you!” he chuckled.
“Watch me? I think you opened up this…..er…..line of talk.”
I was enjoying this.
“Do you like to open up?” he asked inquisitively.
“Yes, but only with strangers,” I quipped.
“Then I‟d better not get to know you too well, had I?”
Whatever I had expected on the journey home, it was not this.
I was not sure whether to invite him to join the mile high club,
or punch him in the balls for being so cheeky. I felt that perhaps
I should not be encouraging him to continue this conversation
but there was something magnetic about him and I found myself
energized in his company. I wanted the conversation to
continue. It was one of those moments where I could have
Rory Ridley-Duff
stubbed out the fire before it got too hot but chose to fan the fire
instead.
Our banter continued. He talked fondly of his wife, Ann, and
children. By the time we landed I felt like I‟d had a brief tour of
his life. He was an academic turned marketing consultant, who
specialised in work with creative teams. He‟d been married for
20 years, survived a few ups and downs, and had two children
he loved deeply. His boy was 12 and his daughter 14. For a
living he helped companies educate men and women to improve
their marketing skills. Our flirting gave way to convivial
conversation but as I found him both engaging and interesting I
did not care so long as it continued. As our descent into
Heathrow started, I took him back to the start of our
conversation.
“So what is it you do exactly?”
“I just told you,” he said pleasantly.
“Exactly,” I stressed.
He thought for a moment.
“I try to find another way to look at human relationships.”
“And what way is that?” I added, continuing to dig.
“The way they really are.”
The brevity and simplicity of his response made me pause
again and he used the moment to spring another surprise on me.
“Would you like to meet up for a drink next week?”
“What about your wife and kids?” I said with a hint of
sarcasm.
“My wife knows me well. I don‟t hide my friendships from
her.”
Friendship? That was a quite a leap in such a short space of
time and I was taken aback. It was not just his forwardness that
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 4
Even though I knew that I had more pressing tasks to do, I kept
wondering if he was going to reply. Every time a new e-mail
arrived, I felt a sense of expectation disturbing me. The hour
seemed to drag.
Penny,
Isn’t it your turn to teach me some tricks…?
John
Friends or Lovers
I hoped that I‟d not pushed him away too quickly. After 30
minutes, the joy I‟d been feeling drained away. After 45
minutes, I felt a mixture of annoyance and regret. What was I
playing at? Were we flirting or joking? I was not sure.
Whatever my thoughts, they had to be put on hold because Phil
entered the office and sat down with a large sigh. He‟d clearly
had an eventful meeting with Mike.
“Okay, hit me with it,” was my starter for ten.
Phil was a good lad. He was young and hard working, bright
but inexperienced. He had good grasp of psychology (always
useful in this line of work) and had recently graduated with a
good degree. He was personable too, the pick of an excellent
bunch, and with careful guidance I could see him going far. For
now, however, he had to learn how to do the donkeywork and
that meant devising and running the administrative systems I
needed.
“Do you want the good news or bad news?” he asked.
“Good news first, please,” I replied.
“I think I‟ve found the people to fill the vacant positions in the
marketing team.”
“That‟s good. So what is the bad news?”
“You‟ve got three vacancies in Mike‟s old team.”
“Shit!” I exclaimed. “What‟s he playing at?”
Phil settled back in his chair.
Friends or Lovers
“Not sure. Not sure he‟s playing at all. The moment I arrived
in his department I was collared by three of his sales reps. They
were pissed as hell at Mike being moved.
“Well, they would be, wouldn‟t they? The old boy network
will naturally stick up for him. Don‟t worry about it.”
“It‟s not the men – it‟s three of the women. They want to
move with him.”
How weird, I thought! Perhaps he weaves a magic spell that I
don‟t know about yet. I nodded to Phil to carry on.
“It overlaps their territories so they‟re confident they‟ll build
sales quickly. They all fit our desired profile. Their sales
records are pretty good. Two have school age children and the
other has grandchildren. All have contacts from previous sales
jobs. They want to work with Mike.”
“Hmm. What about Mike‟s money concerns? Did he raise
that?” I asked.
“Well, he said that he‟ll accept the temporary drop if these
three can join him. I get the feeling that he‟ll quieten down if he
gets his way on this, or prepare for battle if he doesn‟t. What
d‟you want to do?”
“Leave it with me. I‟ll check with Dave. Sounds okay to me.
Anything else?”
“Nope.”
“Okay. I‟ll keep you posted. Thanks. Are you off now?” I
asked.
“Not yet. Few things to round off.”
Phil was good. He had no problem working for a woman and
we got along well. He was fresh out of college, part of a new
generation that accepts the way the workplace is changing.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
if she was receiving more attention than she was saying. I‟ll
discuss with Phil before I depart on Monday. Clearly we will
need to work on this problem together.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 8
years, they‟d do it for life. And so it has been. When they got
back, they each established their careers, got married and had
children. My mother, like my sister, is a teacher; she will be
able to retire next year. My father, however, still has two years
before he can retire. He is a civil servant who rose through the
ranks to lead a unit that answers parliamentary questions.
Sometimes he gets to prepare answers for TV. He even gets to
write answers for the Prime Minister sometimes. Fame of a sort,
I guess. I‟m proud of him.
My father is the kindest man I know but I have had a prickly
relationship with my mother ever since I turned 14. At that
time, I grew close to my sister and we stayed that way ever
since. We now call each other every week, sometimes we write
e-mails to each other and swap humorous cards. A few of these
hang on a pin board in my living room. My favourite card is…
Men have only two faults
Everything they say
And everything they do
…although I also like another one that says “Grow your own
dope: plant a man”. My sister sent these to me when she was
having difficulty getting her boyfriend to settle down with her. I
ask if we will hear wedding bells soon but the most optimistic
response she‟s given so far is “Next Year: probably.” What is it
about men and commitment? Even though she‟s been with him
for three years now, many of our phone conversations still dwell
on “man problems”. I keep telling her that we are better off
without them, but she holds out hope that eventually they‟ll get
married. Forlorn, I reckon, but hope springs eternal where she is
concerned.
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and I can chat to Betty who does the service washes. She gives
me the latest celebrity gossip. When Big Brother hits our
screens we chat about it each week and I invite her around my
flat to watch eviction nights.
* * *
“Hi sis‟”
“Hi Carole. Good week?”
I enjoy these chats with my sister.
“Not bad. He‟s sitting up now and he‟s a lot happier because
he can look around. I give him a toy with a bell on it and he sits
there shaking it and laughs for ages.”
“If only adults were as easy to amuse…” I commented.
“Chris has raised the idea of using his flexi-hours to spend
more time at home. I don‟t know, I‟m not sure about it. In
some ways it‟s good to have him home, but he just makes more
work for me.”
“Can‟t you train him better?” I ask. This has been a standing
joke ever since she started going out with him.
“I try. I try. He is trying too, bless him. He can change a
nappy now, but baby refuses to be fed by bottle. He actually
gets upset that he can‟t feed his child. I reassure him that as
soon as he starts on solids then he‟ll be able to get in on the
action.”
“He sounds keen,” I interjected.
“Yes. He is. Quite sweet really. Just wish he could cook then
he‟d be really useful to me.”
“Nothing on the matrimonial front, yet?”
“Haven‟t raised it for a while, it just creates tension. How
about you?”
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 9
her when she ended the relationship. Sitting with her, looking at
her bruised mouth and eye, holding her hand while she sobbed
like a young child, watching her shrivel with humiliation as she
admitted to a nurse how she received her injuries; that‟s an
experience that‟ll never leave me.
By Sunday, I‟d done my chores so I took myself off to the
Malvern Hills for a walk. It was a pleasant day, warm for April,
and I was able to remove my jumper and wear just a tee-shirt
and shorts. Walking gives me a wonderful sense of freedom;
time and space to think. At the moment I wonder whether my
life is going in the direction that I want. On the surface it looks
very fulfilling; good career with responsibility and the chance to
travel; two circles of friends (inside and outside work) that
balance each other and provide good times and support for bad
times. I have a nice home and neighbours; a family I can see
when I need (far enough away not to crowd me but close enough
to visit the same day). I‟m sufficiently attractive to be able to
enjoy male company more or less whenever I like, so why do I
feel so empty?
As I walk on the brow of the hill I look north towards
Worcester. The houses on the plain are as tiny as an architect‟s
model and the specks that move slowly along the motorway
look like matchbox cars. The wind buffets my face as I stand
like the French Lieutenant‟s Woman; an isolated and desolate
beauty searching the wilderness for something in life that will
make it more meaningful and satisfying. In my mind, I recall
John‟s comment that looking down on the world reminds us of
our insignificance.
Am I significant? Do I make a difference? Have I had a
positive influence on the people I‟ve known? I wasn‟t sure.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 10
Find the exit. Go down the stairs. Turn left. Now right.
Along the high street. Look in the shop windows. Check my
handbag. Where is my lippy? Look in the shop window. Apply
evenly. Press lips together. Turn left. Continue. Go to
cashpoint. Press 7725. Enter. Choose “Cash no receipt”. £50.
Wait for card. Take the money. Turn left. Walk. Open the
door.
“Penny! There you are.” The moment I hear his words I come
out of my trance.
I take off my jacket and sit down, look at him and smile. My
hair was washed this morning and tied back into a ponytail.
Around the eyes, I applied a modest amount of eye shadow and
liner; a subtle shade of blue (just enough to emphasise my long
black lashes without looking trashy). Studs with a light blue
jewel adorn my ears and a matching necklace drapes around my
neck. I‟ve put on a white top – thin enough to give a hint of the
lace bra underneath – styled into a „V‟. The necklace is long
enough for the jewel to draw attention to a hint of cleavage;
classy but not tarty. All this elegantly covered by a light purple
trouser suit that hugs my figure. There‟s no harm in showing
off my pert behind and womanly curves.
“You look good. Thank you.”
“Thank you?” I ask. What a surprising remark!
“Yes. Thank you for making the effort to look nice. I
appreciate it.”
“Just my normal work clothes,” I say with false modesty.
Inside, I‟m not only pleased I‟ve made an impression but also
delighted that he‟s noticed. I can feel myself beginning to relax.
He has turned up wearing an unironed tee-shirt and jeans with
a hole in one knee. But his hair looks freshly washed and there
Friends or Lovers
Given that we‟d moved onto the subject of his wife, I felt we
should dwell there a bit.
“What does she do?”
“She‟s a linguist. Translates government documents from
English to French to German and back again. It suits her.”
“Not out and about like you, then?”
“She prefers a quieter existence where her opinions are not the
subject of public scrutiny. She saves her strong opinions for our
marriage and children.”
“Strong minded?”
He says nothing. He doesn‟t need to; his smile and nod say it
all, including that he admires her.
“So!” he says. I could sense a question coming. “Want to try
something I do on my courses?”
“Why not?” I answer.
“Your life in 5 minutes. Can you do that? Then I‟ll give you
mine.”
“Okay. Here we go. Born, age 0, in Malvern where I grew up
with my teacher mother and civil servant father. Warm loving
home for the first dozen or so years. One sister who is two years
younger than me; now with child and dopey boyfriend. She‟s
also a teacher but currently on maternity. Age 13 onwards I
became a bit of a rebel, fell out with mum, always closer to dad.
Politics became liberal. Did radical bit at university. Protested
the Gulf War (the first one). Shouted regularly at politicians,
got angry with men; attended women‟s groups; got angry with
women. Started to like men more. Tried a few. Started to like
men less. Chose career instead. Developed well, manager at 29
but stumbled across the glass ceiling. Now HR manager in a
growing firm. Relatively happy modern career woman. Likes
Friends or Lovers
“I can‟t rule that out. But the results are consistent across
different industrialised countries, different age groups, different
social environments, and have been conducted by people from
different research backgrounds.”
“I don‟t believe them.”
“You‟re not alone,” he said with a smile.
I stopped for a moment. I was in deep shock. At that moment,
the waitress returned. She had an impatient look on her face.
John and I looked at each other and this time we didn‟t laugh.
We both picked up a menu, quickly found something we liked
and ordered.
“Thank you,” said the waitress. I‟m sure there was a hint of
sarcasm in her tone.
John looked at me supportively.
“We don‟t have to talk about this if you don‟t want to,” he
said.
“No it‟s okay. I am interested. It is just hard to accept.”
“Of course.”
“Explain. I know you are going to try.”
“I can‟t explain it – this is very new data to me too and I need
time to reflect on it.”
John paused.
“D‟you remember „Wait „Til Your Father Gets Home‟?” he
suddenly asked.
I thought for a moment. Yes, I remembered a TV series with
this name. What is meant by this phrase? I looked at John with
curiosity.
“Dad is being used to threaten the kids. Is that your point?” I
asked.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 11
“Well. I got the feeling that Sally had lived with him for
while. So far as I can see, he still lives with his wife. I just
can‟t work it out at the moment.”
“Hmm. Okay. Keep your ear to the ground, I‟ll see what I can
find out my end.”
After Phil left my office I pondered what I‟d learnt. What do I
know? Firstly, Mike asked Elona out for a drink. Secondly,
Elona is upset. Thirdly, Mike admits that he put his arm around
her, and when he admitted this he was definitely agitated. We
now know that Elona has been troubled by over attentive men at
social events and that she‟s hiding something. Fourth, Mike had
an affair with a sales rep, his wife kicked him out, he lived with
the rep for a while, his wife forgave him and he moved back in.
What I find hard to understand is why his team is so supportive
of him. Am I missing something? Why would the women put
their jobs on the line to move with him? Why is his ex-lover so
supportive? I think I should talk to Mike again – it is only fair
to let him tell his side of the story.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 12
and worked well with her. She does have problems at home and
some issues within the team – my old team – but I felt she and I
had a good understanding. Her complaint took me by surprise.”
“She didn‟t make a complaint, Mike,” I corrected.
“She didn‟t?” he asked.
“No. It was someone else in the department.”
“Well that explains a lot,” he commented.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, they clearly had no idea what was going on.”
His statement puzzled me. I was not sure where to go next.
“Why did you ask her out for a drink?”
Mike tensed and I could see his hands clench. Then his right
hand moved swiftly to his face and he touched his cheek. His
hands settled back into lap and he started to speak.
“Haven‟t we been over this before?” he asked. “Why are we
raking it up again?”
“Because I think there‟s more that I don‟t know and maybe I
didn‟t fully understand,” I said.
He started to nod slowly and relaxed a bit. I thought I detected
a wry smile.
“There is more,” he said deliberately, “but she spoke to me in
confidence. I would feel more comfortable if you talked to her
directly about it.”
“I‟ve tried. But she‟s hedging,” I asserted.
“Penny, she confided personal stuff to me and I don‟t think I
should break her confidence.”
I felt myself start to get irritated, but tried to remain calm.
“If I‟ve made a mistake, I need to know, Mike. Nobody‟s
interests are served by withholding relevant information.”
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“Do that and a can of worms will open so large that you may
never recover from it”, he said
My patience ended.
“Are you threatening me, Mike?”
It was my turn to fix my eyes on his.
“No. I‟m saying that you do not know enough about this
situation to handle it, and seeing as you‟ve moved me to another
department it is no longer my responsibility. You‟ve made
mistakes already, calling an enquiry will just compound things.
People will get hurt.”
“Mike, maybe this is one can of worms that needs to be
opened,” I argued.
“Penny. There is more at stake here than my job. This is not
in your interests – trust me. Elona, you and others will be hurt if
you pursue this.”
Trust him? I don‟t think so. This is one situation in which I
will trust my own instincts. There is some serious shit going on
here and it is my job to find out what it is. I gave him one last
chance.
“People have already been hurt. I need your co-operation. Are
you going to give it to me?”
He stood thinking. Then, with a more friendly gesture he
made a concession.
“If you get Elona‟s consent, I‟ll talk,” he replied.
“Okay. Let me think on this and I‟ll get back to you.”
“Right. I‟ll await your call.” His tone was slightly sarcastic
and that annoyed me, but I let it ride and saw him to the door.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 13
Things calmed down over the next few weeks. With all the
recruitment issues to deal with, and the new starters, I put the
Elona issue on a back burner. John and I continued to e-mail
each other in the evenings and steadily got to know each other.
We bantered about men and women and I started sending him
feminist jokes. He replied with “masculist” ones. My
favourites were:
Question: Why does it take 20 million sperm to impregnate an egg?
Answer: Because none of them know how to ask for directions.
He added that when both men and women could laugh at both
jokes, then perhaps we‟ll be approaching the end of the sex war.
I responded with a George Burns quote:
Rory Ridley-Duff
There will always be a sex war because men and women want different
things: men want women and women want men.
His final retort was that there were still too many women who
thought the best way to end the sex war was to chop off the
useless bit of skin attached to a penis called “a man”.
* * *
Tonight, after several months off the scene, I‟ve decided it is
party night! My sister Carole and Chris will be around in half
an hour and we are going to hit the pubs. They managed to pack
the baby off to mum‟s so we‟re going to really rock „n‟ roll.
I‟m well into my beautification routine. About an hour ago I
had a bath and soaked myself in essential oils, shaved under my
arms and between my legs (quite the fashion at the moment). I
am lucky to have young skin, not least because I have looked
after it. Although I‟m thirty-two, I easily pass for 25 and that
means I can still enjoy the singles scene and taste the delights of
men who have more passion than technique, more ardour than
intellect. It still gives me a thrill to lead a man from first eye-
contact to passionate fuck knowing that I am controlling every
second of his (and my) pleasure; I can choose to blow his mind
or tell him to piss off.
Not all women have this power – I‟m lucky, I guess. And with
this power comes some responsibility. But the men in the
singles scene are playing the same game; out for fun without
commitment. If they didn‟t fancy me they‟d probably tell me to
piss off. In fact, now I come to think of it, they do say that in
their own way after they‟ve shagged me. They don‟t call me.
Do I care? Yes, actually, it hurts. It hurts a lot. But when I
think about things, there is a perverse balance of power. If I‟m
eventually going to get rejected, at least let the man have a
Friends or Lovers
Even with all this preparation, it‟s not looks alone that will
attract. I‟ve learned from experience that the way I walk into a
bar, the way I dance, the way I talk and engage makes a huge
difference. If I go out in a bad mood and don‟t talk much, far
fewer men approach me. But when I‟m with girlfriends being
vivacious, talking boldly giving men discrete (and sometimes
indiscrete) eye contact, then they flock to me like bees around a
honey pot. There is nothing magical about it, I just
understanding how to flaunt myself.
Now my nails are dry, I open a bottle of wine. No harm
having one glass before I go out. If I do have to buy my own
drinks (unlikely) then it will cut down the cost of getting drunk.
I take in the latest episode of Eastenders while I sip away.
Eastenders! That reminds me – out comes my pad and pencil. I
decided to try something out. Do men or women hit more in the
soaps? To my astonishment, I find that the women hit far more
often. Funny, I‟d never noticed that before.
And as for adverts, I am finding that if anybody is ridiculed it
is men. The only advert that reverses this is „Nuts!‟ an advert
for a trashy weekly men‟s magazine. That advert is so unfunny
– like women don‟t know how to do car repairs or serious DIY
work in the home. Actually I don‟t know how to do these either,
but it doesn‟t matter because I get my father to come over. If
I‟m really stuck, then I pick up the phone to get my favourite
handyman to sort it out for me. Isn‟t that what men are for?
The adverts that do make me laugh are the car adverts aimed at
women. „Size matters‟? It sure does – although girth is
probably more important. And that AA car insurance advert, it
just shows what plonkers men really are. Why spend hours and
hours looking for a good deal when the AA can do it for you?
Friends or Lovers
since I saw Robert Carlisle strut his stuff in The Full Monty.
God, he was great – but I think I have the edge when it comes to
oozing sex appeal.
I put my arms above my head and I let my hips swing and my
long hair fall sensuously about me. I began to look around as I
danced to see whose eye I could catch. At the bar was a strong
looking young man in a white tee-shirt and jeans. He looked
good and I caught his eye before quickly turning my face away
and giving him a sight of my curves swinging in time to the
music. Each time I turned quickly the hem of my skirt rose up
enough to show an increasing number of admirers that I had
black stockings and suspenders on.
As I cast my eyes around the restaurant tables, I caught half a
dozen men looking in my direction. One was so taken that his
girlfriend put her hand under his jaw and twisted his face back
so that it looked at her. I grinned broadly and briefly as I
flashed a look at the young man sitting at the bar. He was with
friends, chatting, but his eyes kept looking in my direction.
Good, I have his attention. As the song ended, I saw that Chris
was queuing at the bar not far from him so I turned to Carole.
“I‟ll just help Chris with the drinks,” and off I went.
As I walked towards this young man I looked directly at him
and I could see his nervousness. In Cosmo I read that a second
of eye contact is a flirt. A two-second gaze is a come-on.
Three-seconds is tantamount to telling him I want him inside my
knickers. For now, I give him a series of strong admiring looks
each lasting a second or two. As I walk right past him, within a
couple of feet, our eyes meet. Then I turn to Chris so that my
back is towards him.
Friends or Lovers
our hand moving over each others bodies and between each
others legs. His hands were all over me, under my skirt and
inside my top. “Time to get out of here,” I said.
He nodded and we gathered our jackets and left. I flagged us a
taxi and gave the driver the address. As the car moved away, his
hand was under my skirt again and I opened my legs wide for
him. His fingers worked inside the hem of my pants and rubbed
around my clit. Then a finger was inside me and I gasped
before grabbing his hair and guiding his mouth back to mine.
My hands were inside his tee-shirt, feeling his muscular body,
rubbing him up and down while he finger-fucked me.
We paid the taxi driver, who bid us farewell with the comment
“Have fun!”
As soon as we were inside the door of my flat, I jumped up and
put my legs around his waist.
“That room,” I indicate with a nod of the head.
He carried me through and dropped me on the bed. I slowly
pulled my arms up behind my head, closed my eyes, and opened
my legs wide for him so he could see my suspenders in all their
glory. His head was between my thighs, kissing me gently,
moving up slowing. He pulled my pants to one side and buried
his face in my pussy.
Then came my first disappointment.
That firm tongue that was so good exploring my mouth felt
like a dish mop between my legs. I tried to focus and get
excited but his tongue action was so off putting that I could not
put up with it for long. I grabbed his head, indicating he should
stop, and pointed down to his crotch. He understood
immediately and took off his trousers and pants. Then he
climbed roughly back on top of me and tried to put it in. He did
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 14
week, month after month. I pull my hair back and begin to dab
my face to remove some of the stains while the tears start to
flow again. What is the point? As I throw myself on the bed, I
look at the clock and the mobile phone next to it. Without a
moment‟s thought, I pick it up and type „John‟ and press „Dial‟.
It rings. And rings. Come on John, be there, pick it up. Pick it
up.
“Urrm. Hawww… Who‟s th… What time is it? Fuck!
What? Errm. Who is there?” he finally says.
I try to talk but all I can do is sob.
“Hello?” he asks. “I can hear you crying. Who is it?”
Amongst the whimpers, I finally manage to say my name.
“Penny? What is it? What‟s happened?”
In the background, I can make out a woman‟s voice saying
“who is it, darling?” and he responds that it is me. I can faintly
hear another question….”wh….she …..this…ime….of….giht”.
It sounds like the line is breaking up, but then his voice comes
across strongly.
“Penny? You still there? What happened, love?”
I have no idea why, but the moment he said the word „love‟ I
started to feel safer. I calmed down enough to get a sentence
out.
“I‟m such a fool. Such a fool. I‟ve really fucked up.” I knew
I was not making much sense but at least some feelings were
coming out.
“Just take your time. No hurry. Just tell me what happened.”
I paused. I really did not know what to say.
“Oh, John,” I said. “Just hearing a friendly voice helps.”
“Good. Good. But what‟s happened?” he asked again.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 15
Carole looked after me. Chris slept in the spare bed while little
„sis slept with me. I couldn‟t tell her what happened - I just
couldn‟t - and luckily she did not press me. I‟m sure she must
think that I was raped or assaulted, but I just can‟t tell her that
the man I‟d seduced had realised, mid-shag, that I was
fantasising about another man. How do you tell that to anyone,
let alone your sister?
I had another session sobbing my eyes out at the breakfast
table. Carole and Chris had no idea how to stop me. They just
sat there quietly, Chris on one side, with his hand on my back,
Carole holding my hand.
“Um….Do you….d‟you….want to…”
“No,” I said quickly. “It‟s too painful.”
“What about the police?” Chris asked. I could tell they‟d been
talking to each other.
“God, no!” I said with a start. “You mustn‟t do that!”
“But….”
I had to tell them something. I had to tell them enough of the
truth for them to understand and not blame anyone.
“He walked out on me. We got back here, started having sex
and then he just got up and walked out on me.”
“What a bastard!” said Carole.
“I‟ll punch his face in next time I see him,” threatened Chris.
“No. No. You must not blame him.”
“Why not?” they said together. Then Carole took my arm and
spoke more softly.
“What happened, „sis, you can tell us. We just want to help.”
“I….I….He….”
Friends or Lovers
What could I say? I did not want to lie, but I could not tell
them what happened. What could I say?
“I don‟t want to tell you,” I started but suddenly the words
started to come out. “Something happened that upset the
evening. It is no-one‟s fault – you must not blame him - but
when this „something‟ happened we got angry with each other.
That‟s all I can say.”
“But why all the tears, sis‟” said Chris.
“Oh! Carole. It just all came down on me. My life looks great
on the outside but inside it is a heap of shit. I look at you and
Chris and wonder what I‟m doing with my life. I know I look
all confident and happy, but I‟d trade places with you if I
could.”
Carole‟s mouth dropped open. Clearly she could not believe
what she was hearing. Then her mouth closed, she took my
hand and indicated I should stand up. As soon as I was on my
feet she held her arms open and I fell into them.
“Welcome to the real world, sis,” she whispered.
“No fairy tales. No happy endings?” I asked.
“Don‟t be such a cynic,” she said pulling away and looking me
in the face.
“Why not?”
“I found my prince charming. So will you,” and she cast a
glance at Chris the like of which I‟d never noticed before. I was
so used to her moaning about his habits that I‟d not noticed that
she really admired him.
Chris smiled back then put his arms around both of us.
“Family cuddle,” he said, and for reasons I could not
understand another wave of emotion engulfed me and the tears
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“Don‟t try to impress him. Just let the day unfold and run with
it, however it goes.”
I knew she was trying to help, but it always annoyed me when
she gave advice like this. I took it on the chin, however; it was
good advice after all.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 16
a view of the whole locality. The full circuit would take about
45 minutes and by then I would feel ready for lunch. We
walked for a couple of minutes without saying anything to each
other. I sensed that both of us were looking for an opening line
that would enable us to talk about what had happened. Finally,
he spoke.
“I imagine a man was involved somehow last night?”
I wished it was that simple, but I had to start somewhere.
“Yes. That was the trigger,” I replied.
“The trigger for what?”
I looked at him and the distress must have shown in my face.
“Penny, we don‟t have to talk about this if you don‟t want to.”
I was afraid but I longed to talk to him.
“It‟s okay. This is not easy for me to talk about. I‟m not good
at sharing my feelings, particularly with men.”
He gave me one of those half-smiles that conveyed both
sympathy and an understanding of my suffering. He did not
interrupt and I realised that he expected something more.
“Last night I tried to follow your advice. I sat down after I
came off the phone, made myself a coffee and tried to write
down what was troubling me. I could have written pages and
pages of trivia; lots of tiny agonies; irritations with things at
work; lots of conflicting emotions about how angry I feel about
things that happened in the past. All the boyfriends I dumped,
their irritating habits, the bastards that dumped me, or didn‟t call
me, or made me feel beautiful when they were trying to get in
my knickers, but then backed off when I opened my heart in
response to their lovely words. I could have written about how
jealous I am of my sister. She‟s found a man to love her and
now has a beautiful child that she dotes on. I could have written
Friends or Lovers
about the distance I feel from my mother for the way she used to
look at me when I brought boyfriends home. I could tell she
thought I was little better than a tramp so I dug my heels in and
took my boyfriends up to my bedroom just to make her mad.”
I stopped for a second to gather my recollections. I noticed
that he was listening intently so I continued.
“I fought her for years. She thought I was „too young‟ for
boyfriends! How can you choose things like that? I was ready
at 14. I had passion in me, John, real passion and I did not want
to wait until some stupid outdated law said I could sleep with
boys. You‟d think my father would be the one to object, but no,
it was my mother who was constantly critical. There were times
we would hit each other, but I would not be controlled.”
He nodded.
“Well, all this was going through my head last night while I
held the pad. Do you know what I wrote in the end?”
It was a rhetorical question, but he followed form by asking me
anyway.
And then I said it. I said out loud the words that I‟d hidden in
my head for years.
“I‟m lonely, John. Really lonely.”
As I said the words, I felt my eyes moisten again and I looked
at him. And then I got a total shock. I could see a single tear
rolling down his left cheek. He was crying. He was crying.
“John!” I started. “What is it, John?”
“Come here,” he said, and just as my sister had earlier in the
day, he offered his arms and I fell into them. Unlike my sister,
however, his arms were larger and stronger. They made me feel
safer and all warm inside.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 17
Over the next few hours we took in the views around Warwick,
lunched in a tea shop, climbed a tower, laughed, joked,
discussed politics, the meaning of life, travelled to deepest outer
space, and generally just chilled together. I was more relaxed
with him than I had been with any man for over a decade,
perhaps more relaxed with him than any man except my father.
Our conversation never stopped all day. Wherever we were,
whatever we did, we talked and exchanged thoughts constantly.
The sexual tension was always there. My attraction to him
never completely left me, and the way his eyes fixed themselves
on me sometimes, I could tell that he was sucking in my beauty
so that he could savour and bathe in it.
His eyes were not lustful, just filled with the admiration a
person might feel looking at a beautiful portrait or marvelling at
a moment of cinematic brilliance. He looked at me as if he was
searching my soul, not ogling my body, and it filled me with a
confidence that I could not explain. I admired him, but the
desire to seduce him slowly ebbed away. I just wanted to be
with him, occupy the same space, hear his voice, and know that
he was nearby.
By late afternoon, he suggested that we might like to eat at
Pizza Hut again. I felt, however, that I should take him
somewhere special to thank him for the day out. I chose my
favourite Italian, a place tucked away in a cobbled side street
that was quiet enough to have a hint of romance, but with a
festive atmosphere.
“How‟s that problem at work you had?” he asked, as we
started on our desserts.
Friends or Lovers
“Why?”
“To explain that I‟d have to go way back.”
“I‟m in no rush,” I said.
“Okay. Well he had a difficult period with his wife
about….er…four years, yes, about four years ago. He‟s a really
sweet guy. One of his colleagues was having marital problems
and she started talking to him about them – eventually she
admitted she was being abused by her husband.”
“Not a situation you come across every day,” I commented
“Not something you hear about every day,” he clarified.
“Anyway, he gave her support but after a few weeks they had a
real heart to heart and she said she wanted to get out.”
“So what happened?”
“Well, that night he collected her from her home and took her
to his. His wife was not pleased, but he convinced her that he‟d
no choice. She became his lodger for several months while they
waited for a vacancy at a refuge. He helped her furnish her
room. Later he helped her find and move into a flat – he even
gave her the money for a deposit.”
“I bet his wife did not like that!”
“Yeah. Right. Big problem. Big rows. His wife accused him
of having an affair, and to this day he has always denied it. The
money thing was too much for her and she threw him out. So he
stayed with his woman friend as her lodger for a while. It took a
few months but eventually his wife came around and let him
come back home. She took him back but made him promise
never to get involved with another woman again.”
“So how does that have a bearing on his current problem?”
“From what I gather he started to help another woman at work
who had been having problems at home. He didn‟t want to let
Friends or Lovers
her down, but he also didn‟t want her to get too close to him. So
he backed off and upset her. He changed jobs and only told his
wife afterwards.”
I felt sorry for this guy. He sounded like he really cared for
both his wife and his work colleagues and just wanted to help
everybody. John was relaxed while we chatted and I could tell
he cared about his friend. In fact, I got a feeling that John just
cared about people. There didn‟t seem to be anyone in his life
that he did not like.
“John. I‟ve enjoyed today.”
It was one of those leading phrases, one that invites intimacy.
“Penny. I‟ve enjoyed today too,” and he gave me that same
warm smile that I remembered from our first meeting.
“Do you…..” I stopped. This was risky. Did I have the
courage to say it? “Do you….”
Hell, why was I so nervous? I hate my nerves.
“Do……ah!”
Then he did something that really startled me. He took my
hands in his.
“Sometimes things don‟t need to be said.”
Inside I could feel my heart pumping and my breathing
quicken. I said it anyway.
“Do you….ever fantasise about me?” I asked.
Whatever he had expected, I don‟t think it was this because he
immediately raised his eyebrows in astonishment. He took one
hand away and squeezed his nose.
“I‟ll answer that question if you will tell me why you‟re asking
it.”
Why was I asking it? I was not sure.
“Deal.” I said.
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We drank the last of our coffee and I paid the bill. Then, he
drove me back to my house and walked me to the door. In the
movies we might have kissed, but I just knew that we would not.
At the door, he hugged me, pecked me on the cheek, then
returned to the car and gave me a salute as he drove off.
I wanted him to come in, but I knew he needed to get back
home to his family. He‟d given up a whole Saturday for me and
it was important that I should not intrude further on his time. I
find it difficult to describe how I feel now. I‟ve been more
distraught today than I can ever remember, but inside I now feel
like I‟m walking on water. This is not like the butterflies of
teenage love, but a tingling feeling burrowing into the darkest
caverns of my soul, a warmth so spiritual that I can feel my
humanity light up. He makes me want to be a better person, to
live more, risk more, and share the best of myself. Is this, I
wonder, how people feel when they first experience the deepest
kind of love?
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 18
“Yeah. I was right about that. He did live with her for a while.
She‟s one of the people who transferred with him to the new
team. Nobody is completely sure why they are so close, but
they did live together for a few months. But they don‟t live
together now, he‟s back with his wife. It all sounds kind of
bizarre. If they‟d had an affair and split up, why would she want
to keep working with him? It doesn‟t make sense.”
I was puzzled too, but there was nothing to be gained by
discussing it now.
“Okay. Well done. I‟ll have a word with Dave. We seem to
be getting closer. Perhaps it is time for another chat with Elona.
Then I‟ll speak to Nathan.”
I had to set this to one side for the moment. The marketing
manager, Jo, had enlisted Mike‟s support to get his team some
training in consumer behaviour. As I was up to my eye-balls
helping Dave bring on board some new inventors, I was keen to
off-load this. She said that she had worked with a consultant
several times and wanted to bring him in again. I could not see
any reason to object, so I signed off a purchase order for 30 days
consultancy and left her to get on with it.
I thought back to my weekend conversation. John had
suggested I look for a partner at work for two reasons. Firstly,
most people meet their marriage partner in a workplace setting.
Secondly, he claimed that nearly half of all married women
chose their job in order to find a partner. I told him the second
one must be rubbish, but he provided me with a source. I
promptly went to WH Smith and bought the book. Sure enough
he was right. I found the statistics both staggering and
appalling. In this modern age, after 40 years of gender equality,
who would have thought this? To think that hoards of women at
Friends or Lovers
his wife. That‟s not the sort of thing that she would do if she
was having an affair him. Unless the affair came later, of
course.”
Dave paused for a smirk, and then carried on.
“No. I think Sally had some domestic crisis and Mike offered
her a way out. Anyway, it caused no end of problems in his
marriage and Sally had to move out. Then Mike joined her, I
think. Not sure what happened after that – all I know is that his
personal life got into a real mess for a while. I‟m not a
rumourmonger. What he does in his own time is really not our
business.”
“He‟s back with his wife now.” I said.
“Really?” he said with surprise. “Interesting. Bet Sally was
pissed when he went back,” he remarked.
“Apparently not,” I said, “They still get on well. She asked to
carry on working with him recently when he moved jobs.”
“Feathering two nests, you think?”
I sensed that there was no love lost between Dave and Mike.
“Maybe. Not sure. What is it with you and him?” I enquired.
“Oh. I‟ve no strong feelings. I just think that whenever people
let their personal and professional lives get confused things can
become very messy.”
My sentiment entirely, I thought.
“He should‟ve left well alone, I think.” He paused for a
moment as pieces of the jigsaw were reassembled in his head.
“How does this link to Elona?” he finally asked.
“Not sure. Should find out soon. I‟m meeting Elona in a few
minutes, then Nathan. I think we‟ll get to the bottom of this
soon.”
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 19
picked up the glass of water and drank half of it. As she put the
glass down, she summoned up a slight smile and I felt ready to
begin.
“Thanks for coming in again,” I began, and she looked a little
more relaxed. “As I was saying earlier, we are grateful that you
made a complaint and raised some important issues. Phil‟s
talked to others in your team and they admit they behaved
inappropriately to you. I‟ll be talking to them in due course.”
Elona seemed to relax when I told her this.
“What they say is that they flirted with you, you ignored them,
and they stopped. Would you agree with that?”
Elona said nothing but nodded her agreement.
“Thanks for that,” I said reassuringly.
“There is one thing, however.”
“What‟s that?” she asked, finally finding her voice.
I looked squarely at her.
“Well, the lads in the team said that one of them, called
Nathan, gave you some attention and that you did not seem to
mind.”
At the mention of Nathan‟s name, Elona immediately went
bright red and got extremely agitated.
“Elona. Elona. It is alright. If you like Nathan‟s attention,
nobody minds.”
She looked down at the table in front of her, saying nothing. I
tried to calm the atmosphere further, but clearly this was a
sensitive matter and she was deeply embarrassed. Phil chipped
in too.
“Elona. Nobody is judging you, love. We just need to
understand whether there is any link between this and the
incident with Mike? Is there?”
Friends or Lovers
Phil, who was sitting in the corner, seemed to get agitated and
looked at me and if to indicate that he should be allowed to go.
That did not satisfy me, however.
“Nathan,” I said, “Let me be completely open with you…..”
I saw Nathan‟s lips go tight and the whites of his teeth show.
Phil was gently moving his head from side to side to indicate
„no‟, but my anger got the better of me and I let rip.
“We have a situation here. Someone in Elona‟s team has made
a sexual advance. She is seriously distressed and will not talk.
She confided something to Mike, but he will not talk either.
You can either give me an account of your behaviour or I‟ll call
a disciplinary hearing. You can give a full account to your line
manager and myself. What is it to be?”
I imagine that while I said this, the whites of my teeth were
showing too. With Phil in the room I felt a bit bolder.
Nathan, still calm and unflinching, gave me a look of absolute
disgust. Phil, in the corner, was looking down at the floor as if
he could not bear to watch what was happening.
“You don‟t have a fucking clue, do you?” Nathan started.
“About what?” I fired back.
“A fucking clue about anything….” he added.
“If you use that type of language once more, I‟ll suspend you
here and now. Do you understand?”
“I would like to leave, please,” he asked again.
“No!” I shouted. “You tell me what happened, or I will have
to take this to your line manager first thing in the morning.”
Phil looked as white as a sheet. What on earth was going on
here? Nathan kept looking at me and was unmoved.
“I would like to leave, please,” he repeated without showing
any anger.
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“Okay, you have made your choice. I would like you here at
10am tomorrow morning with your line manager. You may
go.”
Holding my gaze, he slowly left the room with hatred burning
in his eyes. I could feel them pierce me right through. I was
glad that Phil was in the room. Shaken as I was, I held myself
together and summoned Phil over. The situation felt like it was
getting out of control, but I had one more card to play.
“Right. Firstly, go immediately to Nathan‟s manager and
inform him of the meeting at 10am.”
Phil nodded.
“Is Mike still in the building?”
“Sorry?” asked Phil, who seemed taken aback at this question.
“Is Mike still in the building?”
Phil looked unsure. If he‟d been more experienced, perhaps he
would have suggested that I sleep on this, but he was too
intimidated. Still looking shaken himself, Phil nodded a „yes‟.
“Okay, I want you to get Mike and bring him here
immediately. Do not take no for an answer. Is that clear?”
Phil obediently did as I asked while I made myself another cup
of tea. I felt on a roll, as if everything was coming together.
Nathan must have made a pass at Elona. Maybe she didn‟t
reciprocate and got upset. I imagine she tried to confide this in
Mike. Then again, what if Elona did want Nathan to make a
pass? Perhaps he seduced her, then dumped her. Whichever is
true, she tried to confide in Mike and he tried to handle it
„within the team‟. Idiot. What a bloody amateur. He must have
suggested they go out for a drink and then said something that
upset her. Whatever he said made Elona mad. This kind of
Friends or Lovers
stuff really makes my blood boil. Always the woman who gets
hurt; always the man who gets away with it.
Phil returned with Mike, who stormed into my office with an
irritated look on his face.
“What the hell is this? I was in a meeting with my team and
Phil tells me that you have an emergency. What is so urgent it
cannot wait until morning?”
“Sit down, Mike. It has come to light that there is a
relationship problem between Elona and Nathan and that she
reported this to you. I want to know what she said and how you
handled it.”
Mike raised his hands and grabbed his head in despair.
“I told you to back off this. What on earth are you doing?”
“Don‟t piss me around, Mike.”
Phil had again retreated to the corner of the room and was
looking uncomfortable.
“Okay, okay. Sit down and let‟s talk about this,” he said
ushering me into my chair with his open palm.
“So where d‟you want to start?” he asked.
“What‟s the relationship problem between Elona and Nathan?”
I asked.
“Have you talked to Elona?” he responded.
“Yes. She got so upset that she left the room in tears. She
won‟t talk about it.”
Mike, surprisingly, seemed to slow down and take this in. He
looked away as he thought for a moment, and then he rubbed his
cheek.
“I‟m not surprised,” he finally said.
“Why?” I asked.
He looked me calmly in the eye.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 20
“Did it ever occur to you that Nathan was the one who was
receiving unwanted attention?”
Had I considered this? It was an unfair question, I felt. It was
only the previous day that I had learned there was a Nathan at
all. I had no feelings about him except as yet another person
who was adding to Elona‟s distress. I tossed and turned
throughout the night and in every configuration, I could not
make the pieces fit the puzzle.
Elona would not make up an accusation like this, would she? I
couldn‟t buy Mike‟s view that Elona was the protagonist here.
It made no sense. Whenever I met her, she was quiet and
scared. She was as introverted as any person I had ever met.
Would a person like that make a move on Nathan? I did not see
how it was possible.
And yet, even as I had these thoughts, my emotions kept on
churning. Am I reacting to my own past? I can feel Elona‟s
hurt. I empathise with her. I may have the veneer of
confidence, but underneath I understand how it feels to be
crushed by the weight of male attention. We either buckle under
the weight or kick back.
In my first year at university, I felt used by men. At first I was
flattered. It was exciting, then confusing, and finally annoying.
My father helped me look at these as learning experiences.
Eventually, I committed to one lad, but later he cheated on me
and I was crushed. I fell apart and he quickly left me for
someone else. So, I decided that I‟d never again be a shrinking
violet. I would have the men I chose, not those that chose me. I
would no longer wait for a man to make up my mind, I would
make up my own.
Rory Ridley-Duff
doesn‟t things can turn quite nasty, particularly if one party feels
led on and then humiliated. Most of women‟s behaviours are
non-verbal, most of men‟s are verbal – at least initially.”
I paused for a moment unsure what to say next.
“Is that a surprise, Penny?” he asked.
“Well…..yes, I suppose it is. Men are always pursuing and
pestering women, don‟t you think?”
“If that is what you believe, it will look that way. I assure you
that it‟s not the case. Men tend to think they are making the first
move but often they are responding to a non-verbal cue. This is
true in most cultures. Women signal. Men respond. Women
comfort their own egos by thinking they have been singled out
by an attractive man. Men comfort their own egos by thinking
they‟ve initiated the relationship. Close observation, however,
shows women select the man they want and do everything they
can to ensure he notices them so that he starts a conversation.
These are generalisations. There are women who take verbal
initiatives but generally it is the other way around.
I was puzzled by this. I‟d studied psychology and this was the
opposite of what I had learnt.
“So you are saying this is only true for some people?” I asked.
He started to give me to fuller explanation.
“Men will respond quickly if an attractive woman signals,
providing they can overcome their own nerves. Many won‟t –
they‟ll get scared. But, if an unattractive woman signals in a
similar way, she may be ignored both verbally and non-
verbally.”
“Do men signal?” I asked, feeling a little more relaxed.
“Successful ones do, but most don‟t. Others jump in with both
feet at the first opportunity. Men who don‟t pay attention to a
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 21
My sister has just called. She says she has news. Big news. I
imagine that she‟s pregnant again and wants to celebrate in
style. I still can‟t get used to being an aunty, but if another
sprog is going to come along I guess I‟ll just have to accept it
fully. Every time she does something grown up like this it
makes me feel a little bit older.
While I wait for her to come around, I tidy up the house.
There is not much to do. When I go around to Carole‟s, it
always looks like a bomb has hit it. Young Toby, Carole‟s boy,
has progressed from sitting up to rolling around. She called me
a few nights ago almost wetting herself with laughter.
“I just wish you could see him,” she said trying to contain
guffaws.
“Tell me what you see….” I dutifully command.
“Well. He‟s on his back with a rattle in his hand.
Wait………here he goes. Over onto his front now. Come on
baby, do your stuff!”
As I wait, trying to sound enthusiastic, she roars with laughter
as he manages to shift his weight again and roll onto his back.
“He‟s on his back, feet in the air, cooing and laughing. This is
just brill! I wish you could see this.”
Try as I might to understand how watching a baby roll over
and over can make her giggle like a schoolgirl, I just can‟t
fathom it out. Still, she‟s happy and that‟s what matters.
I tidy round the kitchen, put the few plates I‟ve used in the
dishwasher wondering just how lazy I can be. My windowsill is
adorned with an assortment of stones and rocks that I‟ve picked
up over the years, along with holders for utensils and
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 22
really wanted this resolved now and did not want it to drag on.
I called Phil into my office and asked him to check later that day
whether Nathan or Mike made it into work. We found a slot
free at 3pm the following Wednesday week – I would meet them
after I‟d had lunch with John. Phil agreed to inform all the
parties concerned.
I retrieved my e-mails and my mood improved when I received
a note.
Hi sexy,
Just to let you know that I’ll be arriving in Leamington about
10.30am. I’m stopping overnight with friends so we could either
have our meeting late morning or make an evening of it. Will it
damage your street cred if you are seen out on the town with an
oldie like me?
I was glad that his sense of humour had returned, and I felt my
emotions stir a bit when I read his greeting. I checked my diary
and found that I had to go to an evening event with Dave – a
launch event for a new product. I was to chaperone the young
entrepreneur who would be speaking while Dave was acting as
host. With a tinge of regret I declined John‟s offer of an
evening meal.
Hi John,
Still trying to corrupt my sweet innocence? Naughty, naughty. I’d
love to be seen with you, but it will have to be in the morning as we
arranged – although a lazy lunch is possible, if you prefer. I’ll save
the silky black dress for another occasion (!!) you’ll just have to
admire my power suit instead.
Penny
xx
I read over the message again. Was I being too flirty? Hell,
this was John and “flirt” was his middle name so I hit the [Send]
Rory Ridley-Duff
button without further ado. Fewer than five minutes had passed
before I received his response.
Penny,
Lazy lunch it is. We can compare power suits. If my meeting goes
well in the afternoon then I’ll be in Leamington quite a lot over the
next 2 months and you can impress me with your silky attire .
Meet you at 12.30pm at Bella Marie?
John
xx
I loved flirting with him. He still had a way of making me feel
special. I confirmed the time and place of our next lunch date
and allowed myself a few minutes to bask in the warmth of
feeling attractive and desirable. The issues with Nathan and
Mike slipped from my mind as I contemplated the prospect of
spending more time with John. I finished going through my e-
mails and the last one was from Dave about the evening event.
Subject: Launch Event
Pen,
Just finalising stuff for Wednesday. Are you able to meet me in the
morning so that I can try out my presentation on you? Also, just
been going through some Professional Development stuff. Both you
and I need to consider this before our appraisal in July. Do you
know of any CIPD events coming up that we could attend to catch
up on the latest issues?
Dave
I confirmed that I could meet him and asked Phil to call the
Chartered Institute of Personnel Development to find out any
events that would be running in Birmingham in the near future.
He found an afternoon event with an optional evening dinner. It
would run on 30th June and covered the latest legislative changes
in our field. The evening event had two guest speakers
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
When Wednesday came, I had no idea what was in store for me.
I had taken extra care getting dressed because I wanted to look
good for my lunch date with John. In the afternoon, I was due
to meet Mike and Nathan for a showdown. In the evening was
Dave‟s product launch.
I strode into work feeling smart and confident. When Phil saw
me, he raised his eyebrows.
“Doing something special today?” he asked.
“Got the launch event tonight and have no time to go home,” I
lied. But it was a good lie, I thought.
“That young entrepreneur will think he‟s died and gone to
heaven!”
For Phil to pay me a compliment was so unexpected that I
actually stopped in my tracks. I looked at him with new eyes.
“That‟s very sweet of you,” I said, smiling.
He looked a little embarrassed, as if he had said more than he
meant to, but with a small shuffle of his feet and with his eyes
slightly lowered, a few words came out.
“You‟re welcome,” he said sheepishly.
I was surprised at how flattered I felt. He was a good-looking
lad, too young for me, but for a moment I looked at him in a
lustful way.
I got myself a cup of coffee and went through my e-mails.
Hi Penny,
Is there any background information you can bring on that personnel
problem you have got? May help us find out what is going on.
See you soon, John
Friends or Lovers
Even if I had wanted to, I couldn‟t take anything with me. The
information was confidential. If I hired him, it would be
different, but I responded by saying that the Data Protection Act
prevented me sharing confidential records. We would have to
discuss the issues as a series of hypothetical situations.
Next, there was an e-mail from Dave.
Subject: CIPD
Pen,
Thanks for booking the CIPD thing. I just don’t feel like a big social
evening afterwards. After the speeches, would you like a drink?
The other e-mails were either trivial or junk. By the time I‟d
waded through them, the time for Dave‟s presentation
approached. I took Phil with me, a reward for his earlier
flattery, and we both settled into the company‟s small lecture
theatre. It was quite a showpiece, complete with visuals and
sound. As he stood there in a new suit and tie, hair cut and
groomed, his voice confidently outlined the magnificent benefits
of tomorrow‟s personal health gadgetry. I thought he cut a fine
figure. He was impressive and looked cute.
“You‟ll go down a treat,” I reassured him. “The preparation
was worth it.”
“Are you sure? Are you really sure?” he hurriedly asked.
“You don‟t think that final video is slightly overlong or
overdone?”
I put my hand on his arm and reassured him.
Rory Ridley-Duff
* * *
John was slightly late. We arrived at Bella Marie around 11.50
and settled down for lunch. He was pleased to see me but
carried a grave look that I‟d not seen before. He was dressed in
a dark deep blue suit. It was the first time I‟d seen him wear a
tie. He was well groomed and I quickly realised that I preferred
him in casual attire. John „the businessman‟ just didn‟t seem
quite right.
His behaviour was different as well and I initially attributed
this to his meeting in the afternoon. He would be nervous, I felt.
When we chatted on the phone yesterday, he said that this was
one of the best contracts he had been offered and it would bring
him about £30k for little more than a month‟s work. He
intended to use the money to support his writing for several
months.
We settled down at the table, ordered drinks and looked at the
menu. The banter I expected didn‟t materialise so I probed him
to see if anything was up.
“Nervous about this afternoon?” I asked.
Friends or Lovers
“A bit. Not too bad. I know the person contracting the work.
We‟ve worked together several times so I think today‟s a
formality. There are others to convince, however, so I thought
I‟d dress the part.”
If it was not his interview then why was his behaviour so
different? I was puzzled and tried a bit of flattery.
“You look the part. Very smart – you‟ll knock them dead.”
I looked at him directly as I said this, but his gaze remained
firmly on the menu. He momentarily looked up and tried to
smile, but he averted his eyes quickly. I started to feel that
something had changed between us but was at a loss to
understand why.
“John. You said we had to talk. No point beating about the
bush. What‟s on your mind?”
He looked up, slightly relieved. As he settled back in his chair,
his gaze started to focus on me properly.
“Tell me about Mike….” he requested.
“Our hypothetical Mike!” I answered. John nodded and set
himself in a listening pose.
“He‟s one of our sales staff, 50-ish, married, personable and
popular. I can see that he‟s good looking, and women would
fall for him, but I‟m not sure why. Sometimes he gives me the
creeps.”
John intervened at that point.
“Not sure why? Can you expand on that?”
“Well, he‟s good at his job. My boss Dave is suspicious of
him. I find him a bit „old school‟, you know, patronizing. I feel
he looks down on me sometimes. We had quite a row last week.
He called me a „stupid woman‟. I called him a sexist pig!”
Rory Ridley-Duff
John kept nodding. I had never seen him this intense and
studious before.
“Shall I try another interpretation for you?” he asked.
I was slightly taken aback. I was not looking for another
interpretation.
“Err. Okay.” I said hesitantly. John started to talk.
“The young woman – tell you what, let‟s call her Elena – she‟s
quiet, fairly pretty, and has a job as administrator to a
department that has quite a few young men. In her previous job
she worked with women so this is a change for her. She starts to
receive more sexual attention. She‟s inexperienced with men, a
bit embarrassed, but likes one of them. Let‟s call him Nath,
shall we?”
“Hold on!” I said. “Where are you getting these names from?”
“This is a hypothetical example, Penny, right?”
This was too coincidental, but I nodded to indicate he should
carry on.
“Okay. Nath thinks she‟s a bit of alright and joins in the
flirting at first. But then he realises that her boyfriend is an old
school friend. His mate is crazy about Elena, wants to marry
her, but he sees her flirting with a whole group of lads. So he
backs off. Elena is not put off and actually starts to single out
Nath himself. She‟s confused. He backs off some more. She
confides in her boss. We‟ll call her boss Mick, shall we?”
“You know these people. Explain!” I commanded.
“Penny, if I tell you the source of my information then I‟ll be
involved and could be dragged into the process. If things go
badly, I could be called as a witness to a tribunal. Regardless, I
want to help. Let me pretend this is a hypothetical case. You
use the information as you see fit.”
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 26
I did not look away and his eyes remained on mine until he
could hold the gaze no longer. I caught a trace of redness in his
cheeks. He turned to go, started to walk, but when he reached
the door he glanced over his shoulder and smiled at me again. I
smiled back. I have to admit that sometimes it is great fun being
a woman.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 27
meet it in full, but I‟m sure it will be sufficient for him to treat
you to dinner. Could you do that?”
As I asked this question, I looked at them both. They looked at
each other for a moment and I noticed that she nodded her head
at him.
“Yes. We‟ll do that now. Mike can confirm it in writing.”
Mike looked at me, then at her, then at me again. I detected a
smile on his face. After a few moments, he gave a short
chuckle.
“Women! I have no idea why you go around letting men think
they are in charge.”
He chuckled again as he looked at Phil, then me again.
“I‟ll check with Dave tonight,” I said, “just to see whether I
need to involve Legal. If we don‟t, then you‟ll have my
response tomorrow. I‟ll deliver it by hand, if necessary.”
Mike smiled at me – the first time I had seen him do so – and I
have to admit that his face was handsome. In all our previous
meetings, he‟d looked worried and pensive, but now I saw him
in a moment of happiness, I was taken aback at just how
attractive he looked.
“Penny?” he asked.
“Yes?” I answered.
“I underestimated you. Thank you.”
He looked me strongly in the eyes.
“I underestimated you as well. Thank you.”
At the start of the day, I would have been happy to see
someone kick him hard in the balls, but as it turned out a mutual
respect was born. I‟d hoped to stall things long enough to
consult with Dave but we‟d gone almost as far as resolving the
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 28
I remained in the room with Phil while Mike and his solicitor
exchanged words. I noticed them hug warmly as she departed.
Clearly they were more than acquaintances; the way they
looked, laughed, touched and moved indicated a much closer
relationship. Mike, now I was experiencing him up close, was a
friendlier person than I had thought. It made me wonder why
Dave harboured hostility towards him.
Phil, with a puppyish expression, fussed about me.
“That was fantastic, Penny! Absolutely brilliant.”
Such praise I can live with, but I actually felt exhausted. It‟s
hard to force niceness and that was exactly what I had been
doing for most of the last two hours. It was time to cool Phil‟s
ardour now the job was done.
“That is sweet of you,” I said, with a look that communicated
not just my appreciation, but also the gap in status between us.
His face, while still smiling, developed a small frown and his
body language became submissive.
“Thank you,” was all he could say.
“Can you tidy up the loose ends here? I need to get ready for
this evening.”
Phil nodded and still smiling, offered a further comment.
“I learnt a lot today,” he said.
A curious look came over his face.
“What made you change your mind about Mike?” he asked.
This comment caught me short for a moment.
“Let‟s just call it a woman‟s intuition, shall we?” I responded.
“Nothing more?” he asked again inquisitively.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 29
What a day it had been and there was still quite a way to go. I
visited the women‟s toilets. As I delicately added a small
amount of rouge to my cheeks, Jo – the marketing manager –
came in looking very pleased with herself.
“You look happy,” I remarked.
“Yes, good meeting. We signed a contract this afternoon. It
will give a boost to our training programme, and get the new
team ready.”
“Sounds good,” I chirped. “I‟m off tonight to see Dave strut
his stuff at the launch. Are you coming?”
“Yes, of course, I‟ll be there. Always enjoy watching Dave
strut his stuff!” she remarked.
Her comment surprised me, but as I‟d had a totally stressful
day, I let my hair down a bit as well.
“Hmm! He can look quite dashing at times, can‟t he?”
“Yeah! I‟ll say. Shame he‟s taken. All the good ones are.”
“You looking?” I asked, thinking back to the book John had
recommended to me.
“Aren‟t you?” she answered.
I thought for a moment. Was I? I didn‟t really know.
Certainly, I enjoyed fantasising about people – sometimes
people I knew – but did that mean I was looking? Jo smiled at
me as she washed her face and removed some of her make-up.
She was not a stunner but even without make-up her skin was
quite good. She had cut her hair quite short – a mistake I
thought – because without a good size bust it gave her a rather
boyish look. Long hair would have made her look womanly. Jo
looked professional, not attractive.
Friends or Lovers
Just as Jo was giving me the low down, Elona walked in. She
looked dreadful, as if she‟d been unable to sleep for a week.
“Hi!” we both said to her.
She nodded, but did not talk and started to look in the mirror.
“Anyway,” Jo continued, “they said that Dave‟s wife looked
terrible.”
I was not sure whether to confirm or deny the rumour. This
was a difficult call because I was obliged to keep information
confidential. At the same time, rumours spiralling out of control
were problematic and could cause embarrassment.
“When was this?” I asked.
“Oh! A couple of weeks ago, I think. You know anything?”
With this remark, I could tell that Jo was digging for
information because her casual manner was suddenly replaced
by attentive curiosity.
“I‟ve heard the same rumour,” I responded as casually as
possible.
It was not a lie. Jo seemed to know as much as I did, even if
her source was a little further from home, and the admission that
I‟d heard a rumour did nothing to substantiate or deny her claim.
“Where did you hear it?” she asked, clearly not satisfied by my
response.
I gave a small laugh.
“Well, Jo, where do you hear most rumours?” I asked.
“In here!” she responded.
I said nothing.
Quite masterful that, I thought. I omitted, of course, that it was
Jo who had told me the rumour only a few moments ago. I was
relieved that she‟d got the rumour from outside the company.
My respect for Dave remained intact.
Friends or Lovers
that things were under control, but now they could easily spiral
out of control again. If Jo went back to her team and started
talking about it, the rumour might yet cause more problems.
“Jo?” I said.
“Yes,” she replied.
“I would appreciate if you did not repeat to others what Elona
just said.”
“Sure!” she said, with a smile. But it was a smile I didn‟t feel I
could trust. There was too much pleasure in it.
I don‟t often lose my temper, but this was an occasion when
coolly losing my temper was the most effective way to drive
home what I had to say. As soon as Elona was installed in my
office, I turned to her and let fly.
“What the fuck d‟you think you were doing?”
Elona was so shocked that she did not sit down.
“What…..what do you mean?” she said quietly.
“Just answer the question,” I demanded.
“But….but you……you…..” blurted Elona, trying to get a
grasp of the situation.
“I what?”
“I…..I thought…..thought you…,” mumbled Elona
“Thought what?”
Given that I was faking my anger, this exchange struck me as
slightly comical, like something out of Yes, Prime Minister,
when Jim Hacker had Humphrey Appleby in a corner
embarrassed and grasping for words. Elona, however, did not
really cut the mustard as “Sir Humphrey” and that made it hard
for me to keep a straight face.
“I thought you knew?” she said.
Friends or Lovers
difficult time, and I don‟t want to add to your distress any more.
You can go home tonight and sleep better, I hope.”
I was being economical with the truth, but no untruths passed
my lips. My only regret was that Elona might think that her
account of events had been vindicated. But could she really
think that Mike and Nathan would back up her story? That was
naivety beyond possibility. She must surely realise I was being
kind and saving her face.
She seemed happier and relaxed.
“So don‟t start any rumours, okay?” I said pointedly.
She looked up and paused for a moment. Then she nodded to
indicate that she understood.
“I‟ve got a question,” Elona said.
I braced myself.
“Do you know anywhere I could stay?”
I didn‟t enquire why.
“I don‟t, I‟m afraid. Have you put a notice on the board?” I
asked.
“Don‟t want to do that,” she said. “People will ask why, and I
don‟t want to say.”
“Okay. I‟ll ask around discretely. Is there anything else?”
“No,” she answered.
“Give me a few days,” I said. “I have an idea.”
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 30
The evening passed off well. The entrepreneur that Dave was
promoting came across fairly well, and I quite enjoyed minding
him for the evening. He had his younger wife and family with
him and the evening was something of a personal endorsement
and triumph for him after years of struggling at home and in
university laboratories. He was dynamic and Dave made the
most of this during the presentation.
“I‟ve saved the best for last,” Dave announced. “All of Sam‟s
products involve the use of advanced technology to improve
personal hygiene. This last product is something that every
woman will want, and every man will want to buy for her. Sam
tells me that his wife, Elaine, has extensively tested this final
product. She will vouch for it personally.”
Dave cast his eye over to the other side of the stage where Sam
and Elaine were standing.
“Play it again, Sam,” said Dave boldly, and there was a gentle
ripple of laughter as the video images appeared.
The lights dimmed as the finale began. Sam‟s product range
comprised „advanced technology‟ approaches to personal care
that were – to say the least – sensuous in their design and
application. This last product, however, was the one that Dave
believed would become a top seller. It was a battery operated
hair remover that could be strapped onto arms, legs, or
anywhere else that a woman wanted to remove hair. Just as self-
exercise belts use gels to transmit current into the muscles
(without actually having to do any exercise), Sam‟s product
went one further. A narrator started to explain benefits to an
attentive audience.
Rory Ridley-Duff
What does every woman want? Yes, to have silky smooth skin.
And what does every man want? To buy the ultimate gift for his
partner and bring a smile to her face. You want to SHARE.
What every woman will want next Christmas, and what every
man will want to buy for her, is the - Sensuous Hair Removal
Experience.
On the screen, a handsome male model gave a gift wrapped
present to a beautiful brunette, her face full of mock excitement
at receiving her „favourite‟ present. Then, as the man wanders
onto a patio to reveal a breathtaking mountain landscape, he
dons a pair of black glasses – a la Terminator - and a fanfare of
music alerts the audience to a James Bond like action sequence.
The man jumps off a cliff edge and the next 90 seconds is a
tongue in cheek satire of past Milk Tray adverts. The mock-
hero slides down the mountain-side, risking life and limb, to
deliver a second package to a mansion home in the valley
beneath. He leaves the package, with his card, in her bathroom
and jumps out of the window into the night. Moments later, a
blonde in a long robe picks up the package. With a hint of
wickedness in her grin, she takes the package into her stately
bedroom and lies down on the four-poster bed.
The music changes again, the model tastefully disrobes,
removes the gift from her package and relaxes. The satire
switches to playful pastiche of 1980s Flake adverts, and as the
model‟s eyes close and she enjoys the sensual delights of the
SHARE experience, Sam‟s wife moves to centre stage. Dressed
in a daring black dress, adorned with tasteful jewellery, a beam
of light is shone onto her from the back of the auditorium and
the volume of the music lowered.
Friends or Lovers
“Dear guests – Sam and I are so confident that you will enjoy
this wonderful product that we – and I personally – will
guarantee that you will treasure it. We‟ve prepared a gift pack
for every woman here tonight. Take away your own SHARE
experience and enjoy the benefits of the latest in personal
hygiene technology.”
As she stepped back from the microphone, the larger than life
model held a pose reminiscent of the flake advert delicately
crumbling chocolate between two gorgeous red lips. She
sucked, then bit her finger, as her mind becomes occupied with
the erotic. Even as I was starting to think that this was a bit
OTT, I looked around the hall and saw women alternating their
glances at the presentation with chuckles into the ears of their
female friends. The eyes of the men, however, were on stalks
watching every tiny movement of the model applying gel to the
insides of her thighs, then turning the appliance - and herself -
on.
Nobody said it out loud, but everyone clearly understood. This
was no ordinary hair remover. As Elaine walked off the stage
and sat down next to me, I lent over and whispered into her ear.
“You should be selling this at Ann Summers parties!”
She gave a broad smile and leaned towards me.
“We will be, but we can‟t say that here.”
It was my turn to smile at her. When I watched Dave‟s
practice run, he had not shown me this video. He did tell me
that there was another presentation but that Sam and Elaine were
keeping it under wraps. I could now see why.
“What accessories?” I whispered with more than a hint of
curiosity.
Rory Ridley-Duff
“Let me put it like this,” said Elaine. “If we‟ve not beaten „the
rampant rabbit‟ into second place by next Christmas then I‟m
going to be pissed as hell.”
I chuckled. This was pretty risqué for IC but it was becoming
clear why Dave was prepared to take the unprecedented step of a
full product launch. She carried on talking in my ear as the
video presentation neared the end.
“You won‟t see the accessories advertised anywhere in your
brochures. Dave thought it might be regarded as distasteful. It‟s
a good hair removal product, much less painful than wax and
much more effective than creams. There is a range of
„innovative‟ extensions. Our pilot trials have produced
spectacular feedback.”
“Can‟t wait to try mine out!” I said.
We exchanged smiles and a final fanfare alerted the audience
to the finale. As the final chord echoed throughout the hall, the
blonde looked seductively into the camera and spoke
breathlessly.
“Much better than Milk Tray!”
The place filled with roars of laughter and the lights came up.
Dave walked back to the microphone and announced that drinks
and snacks were available in the lobby. The gift packs could be
collected at the exits.
The chatter was interminable but the evening was a success
with guests energised and enthusiastic. When the VIPs had been
safely escorted home in pre-booked taxis, I pulled Dave to one
side for a private word.
“Can we slip out of here - there is something I need to discuss.
It can‟t wait until tomorrow.”
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Chapter 31
“I‟m……I‟m……”
I began to grow tired of his hesitation, but I tried not to show
it.
“…..torn!”
Finally!
“What are you torn about?”
He gave me a look that was puzzling, as if he thought I might
be slightly mad.
“I‟m torn between helping her die and keeping her alive,” he
responded brusquely, as if he had noticed my prickliness and
was responding with some of his own.
“I‟m sorry, Dave, of course!” I felt a bit of a twit but then some
words emerged from my mouth that I wished had remained in
the darkness of my mind.
“Might it be kinder to let her die?”
He looked at me and I saw tears form in his eyes. I surely
should have felt more sympathy for him, but for some reason he
was irritating me. For someone approaching forty, he sure was
immature. And yet, even as I had these thoughts I heard my
father‟s voice. „What‟s the deeper meaning here, Penny?‟ I
kept asking myself „why don‟t I feel more sympathy?‟ Why?
The right thing to do at this moment would have been to put my
arms around him. I could see his face growing red. A few days
ago, I had no problem comforting him. Why was I putting up
barriers now?
These thoughts swirled around in my head. I traced my mind
back and suddenly realised that his moment of mirth at Mike‟s
situation really infuriated me. But why? “What is the deeper
meaning here?” I kept asking myself. There in my mind was my
father smiling at me, encouraging me to reflect. Suddenly, the
Friends or Lovers
I was not sure what to say. I couldn‟t tell him how I was
feeling. My sense of urgency was growing.
“I feel a bit unwell,” I said hurriedly. “Just need to go to the
loos and then I‟ll be back. Wait here,” I said.
“Okay,” he replied.
As I started to get up, I felt his hand touch my back and my
body reacted like it had received an electric shock. I was sure
he sensed my tension because his hand dropped and eyes looked
away. It was an instant reaction and both of us realised what it
meant. I made my way to the toilets and lingered there for as
long as I could without appearing rude. When I came out, I
grabbed my glass and tried to smile.
“Look, Dave, I‟ve had a really long day and my stomach does
not feel good. I appreciate you meeting me and going through
things. I‟ll come in early and sort the stuff out with you. It went
really well tonight. You were a star. Book some time off and
spend it with your wife. Grab every moment you can.”
I was talking too quickly. Even so, he did not challenge me
and just kept nodding.
“Okay, Pen, okay. D‟you want me to walk you back?”
“No, no!” I said too quickly. “It‟s okay. I‟ve drunk too much.
I‟ll get a cab. Pick the car up tomorrow.”
I looked at the table and saw that he had nearly a whole pint to
drink up.
“Perhaps, you should do the same!” I blurted out.
“I‟ll do that!” he replied.
“Okay, then. I‟ll see you in the morning. Don‟t stay up too
late, will you?”
“No, I won‟t”
“Bye.”
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 32
When I got home, I poured myself another glass of wine and had
a bath. The events with Dave were upsetting so I tried to
eradicate them from my mind with soothing music and some
self-pampering. I ran a bath and as I lay in the warm water, I
thought about Mike. I had to find a way to make up for the way
I had treated him. Even though he had reason to feel bitter, he
chose not to be. I wondered why he was not offended. The
more I thought about him, the more I felt I had misjudged him,
the more I started to like him.
As these positive thoughts about Mike ran around my head, it
raised new questions over Dave. He had told me to “find out
about Mike” because “he may become a problem”. I was now
curious about Dave‟s comments. It was as if he felt threatened
by Mike and wanted me to get dirt on him. I made a mental
note to follow it up with Phil.
With these thoughts behind me, I started to relax and drink the
wine. I indulged myself by recalling Phil‟s red cheeks when I
flirted with him. He may be young, but he was quite a dish.
With the soap in my hands, I ran it over my breasts and built up
a sumptuous lather. Then I did my stomach, thighs and between
my legs. I arched my buttocks and started working on the folds
of flesh between my legs. This was a good way to relax, but the
water kept washing away the wetness I was feeling and
prevented me reaching orgasm, so I got out of the bath and
returned to my bedroom.
On my bed was the bag from the launch. The SHARE
experience? Yes, it was there. Inside the bag there were two
gift-wrapped presents. I undid the larger one to reveal a tasteful
Friends or Lovers
no-one else I had ever met and felt I would do anything to have
him. Secondly, the SHARE experience was going to make IC
rich beyond belief. How could this product fail? How could
anything capable of bringing women so much pleasure be
anything except a runaway success?
In that moment, the future took on a positive glow and I saw
myself as Phil had seen me, as a Professor of Cunning, a vixen
with a keen eye, finishing a new plan to suck as much pleasure
out of life as possible. With these debauched thoughts filling
my mind my satisfied, naked, emotionally and physically spent
body fell into a deep sleep.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 33
to. Her face had a modest amount of make-up around the eyes,
but other than this she had a natural beauty that her advancing
years did nothing to diminish.
“Do you need any help moving in?” I asked.
“Are you offering?” Mike replied, in hope more than
expectation, I think.
“Sure, I‟ll help!” I responded.
“Thanks!” he said with some surprise and pleasure. “This is
Sally,” he said looking at his coffee companion. “She‟s offered
to help as well.”
Sally! Things quickly slotted into place. I studied her more
closely and felt her doing the same to me. She was in her mid-
forties and kept herself fit. Her face looked as if she applied
cream, but I could not detect any eye-shadow or blusher. Her
attractiveness was natural, not manufactured. I extended my
hand.
“Good to meet you. I feel like I already know you a bit,” I
said.
She glanced in Mike‟s direction as she responded.
“Yes, I gather he has told you quite a bit about me. Not all
good I hope!”
I liked her playfulness and returned the favour.
“Well, he said he‟d leave you to fill in the details.”
Mike smiled when he heard me say this and glanced at Sally to
check that she was not going to scold him. Sally continued the
riposte.
“From what he‟s been telling me, it doesn‟t sound like he left
details out!”
“Then you can get your own back by telling me all his
secrets!”
Friends or Lovers
I felt an instant rapport. It was like that with John, and I hoped
it would be the same with Sally.
Sally looked playfully at Mike.
“Good idea. There are plenty to tell,” and then, as she looked
back at me she added, “Are you interested in them?”
Linguistically speaking, she had just speared me and I realised
she was checking me out on Mike‟s behalf. My confidence was
high, however, and I continued to joust.
“Only the particularly wicked ones!”
She laughed out loud and then turned to Mike.
“Watch this one, Mike! She‟s got her eye on you.”
Mike gave me a wry smile. Today I stood my ground much
better and did not look away.
“And very nice eyes they are too,” he complimented.
Sally laughed and managed to divert attention from the colour
that was flushing through my cheeks.
“Well, I have to familiarise myself with this new SHARE
experience!” blurted Sally. I laughed out loud and it caused
both of them to look at me enquiringly. At that moment I felt
just a touch of embarrassment.
“What?” I asked.
They both paused momentarily, and then Mike spoke.
“Are you going to share it?” he said, with a chuckle.
I caught his dark and sexual humour, but it went over Sally‟s
head. I wondered how I could respond without being too
explicit.
“I‟m already familiar with the SHARE experience. Sally,
you‟re in for a treat – particularly if they give you a product
sample.”
Rory Ridley-Duff
Sally and Mike looked at each other in a puzzled way, and then
Mike turned and winked at me out of Sally‟s line of sight. I
actually felt butterflies. He was definitely flirting with me. To
my relief Sally did not ask any further questions.
“See you after work, then?” asked Sally.
“I‟ll come by your office around 5-ish,” answered Mike.
“You definitely in?” asked Sally, directing the question at me.
I nodded and then Sally lent over and whispered into my ear.
“Be careful! He‟ll charm the pants off you and before you
know it you‟ll be deeply in love with him.”
Her remark cleared up many loose ends. The story that Phil
had uncovered, and that Dave had hinted at, suddenly made
sense. Sally realised that she would never have a hold over
Mike the way that she wanted to and had accepted the next best
thing. I realised that she was talking from experience and while
I was grateful for the advice, it also brought home to me that the
issue was not whether he could charm the pants off me, but
whether I could charm the pants off him.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 34
“You were not entirely wrong when you asked if someone had
influenced my thinking.”
It was Phil‟s turn to smile at me.
“Anyone I know?” he asked.
“No. Someone outside work. We discussed the situation –
hypothetically.”
Even as I gave Phil this explanation, I felt a tinge of
embarrassment that I did not admit how completely wrong I had
got things.
Why had I been so convinced that Elona was right and Mike
wrong? Mike, if anything, had acted with remarkable restraint
when I moved him to a new department. I took that as an
indication of his guilt. It never crossed my mind for one second
that he might actually be helping and protecting his accuser. In
fact, he sacrificed his own interests to honour a promise to
Elona. I had never met anybody willing to do that. It did not
just add to my respect for him, it shamed me for the selfish way
I conducted my life. In the pub, John said we only see what we
are looking for. What an insight that is! I was only looking for
things that confirmed Mike‟s guilt and Elona‟s innocence.
As I considered these thoughts, I reflected on my own
behaviour. How many times had I taken the lead? Often. How
many times had I made a pass at a man? I had lost count. I was
a master at coaxing someone into making a pass and I suddenly
realised how it is almost impossible for two people to get into an
intimate situation without both parties actively considering a
relationship.
In the past I had been hurt. My cavalier attitude toward men,
indeed my hostility toward them, was rooted in the pain of past
rejection. Afterwards, I had judged all men harshly. It was only
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 35
Surely it could not be? But as I walked up to the door the voice
was unmistakable. As I entered the room, presentation in full
flow, John was outlining his thoughts on male and female
consumer behaviour.
John noticed me at the back of the room and his face beamed.
“Hello there!” he said with just a trace of a smile.
Everybody turned around to look at me and for a moment I felt
quite embarrassed.
“You know each other?” asked Jo.
I was not sure whether to admit to a close friendship in front of
all the others, but if I had denied it then it would surely have
shown in my face. My attitude to mixing business and personal
relationships was momentarily compromised.
“Yes,” I answered, “We are good friends.”
I could see Sally looking both pleased and surprised as she
whispered something in the ear of a colleague. As I looked at
John, our eyes connected just long enough for others to register
that we were more than acquaintances. Tongues would
probably wag, but there was little I could do.
“You are Jo‟s new consultant, then?”
John looked at Jo.
“Jo and I are good friends too…,” he replied, continuing the
charade.
In my mind I wondered “how good?” but I resisted the
temptation to ask. I imagine she was asking herself the same
question about me.
“….we‟ve worked on projects together and had some
interesting results!”
The way he said „interesting‟ made both Jo and him laugh out
loud.
Rory Ridley-Duff
“Okay everyone. That‟s more or less it for today. See you all
next Wednesday. Remember to bring in lots of magazines.
Guys, you‟ll need to bring some in yourself – if you don‟t buy
them normally, buy some this week. We are going to learn
where different products are advertised and you are going to do
some serious research about men and women! And don‟t forget
to ask yourself „what is the most sexist thing about the army?‟
We‟ll touch on that again next time.”
With these words, he shut down his laptop to signal the end of
the meeting and walked over to greet me. Without batting an
eyelid, he put his hand on my shoulders and kissed me on the
cheek. For a second I wondered whether to chide him for
creating the impression we were close, but his manner was so
open and unaffected that he disarmed me. Mixed with surface
irritation, however, was a deep pride that he acknowledged me
so warmly. Not only did it make me feel special, it would
probably do my social standing amongst the staff no harm at all.
“Well, this is a turn up, isn‟t it?”
“I guess it is,” I responded.
“How are you fixed later?” asked John.
I thought for a moment and remembered my commitment to
Mike.
“Helping Sally and Mike move him into a company flat!”
He turned to them both, smiled, and gave a thumbs-up sign.
“Things worked out, then?”
“Sure did!” and he immediately sensed the glint in my eye.
John leaned over and whispered into my ear.
“Watch out! He‟ll charm the pants off you before you know
it!”
I laughed out loud, but John did not understand.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 36
“There you are!” I said. “I‟ve been looking for you all day.”
“Why‟s that?” answered Dave.
“The flat, the contract!” I said
“What contract?” answered Dave.
“Don‟t you remember?” I asked.
This was odd, I thought. Dave was behaving quite strangely
and I was confused. I went over the talk we had the night before
in the pub and he listened without making comment. When I
finished, he finally said something.
“I said you‟d need my approval, but I didn‟t approve it.”
“Dave! What d‟you mean?”
“I wanted to discuss it with Harry first. We didn‟t agree
anything last night – you just told me what you wanted to do. I
didn‟t agree to it.”
“What do you mean? You said you‟d e-mail Legal this
morning. You said you would go and see them to sort this out.”
“You‟re mistaken, Penny,” he said.
His stubbornness was mirrored by the rigidity in his body. He
was standing next to his desk. His fists were clenched as he
spoke. My mood changed from one of confusion to concern. I
couldn‟t understand why he was behaving this way. What was
he playing at?
“Well, whatever Dave!” I said. “I just dropped by to say that
I‟ve sorted it anyway. Mike is moving in tonight.”
“What?”
Dave was acting so strangely that I felt like asking why, but I
confined myself to the issue in hand.
“He‟s moving in tonight,” I said again.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 37
“Sally is not the only woman that I‟ve given in to - there has
been one other. But with you, it was different somehow. Being
with you was enough.”
I stroked his face. He did not have to explain how he felt. Just
being with him had been enough for me too.
“I love you, John,” I said. “That‟s what I thank you for the
most. You are the first man, after my father, that I‟ve not been
afraid to love. If you „saved me‟, that‟s how you did it. You
made it possible for me to love again.”
“And I love you too, Penny. You‟re the first woman I‟ve not
had to sleep with to keep interested. With others, if they thought
I was not intending to sleep with them, they would lose interest.
You liked me from the moment we met, even after I told you I
wouldn‟t make a pass at you. That made you special. Very
special.”
“What about Sally?”
“If I‟d not slept with Sally, I‟d have lost her. I‟m fond of her
and she was in a state after Mike returned to his wife. She was,
not surprisingly, very needy. I was there, Mike was gone. That
was the price of continued friendship.”
“She‟s certainly a looker,” I said.
“Yes, but it‟s not that. It was hard for her to leave her
husband. I was part of her recovery, I think.”
I nodded as I spoke.
“You look after her and I‟ll look after you.”
He laughed and held hands.
“You have yourself a deal, Penny Leyton.”
“How are things with your wife?”
“They‟re okay. This isn‟t the first time for either of us.
Things changed some years back. When the kids were both at
Friends or Lovers
school she started working again. We drifted apart and she had
an affair. We worked things through but a lot changed. I
admitted to her that I‟d thought of having an affair as well. We
found that we both liked the idea of more freedom. Soon after, I
took the plunge. Then I met Sally through Mike and gave in
again! My wife and I are still good friends. She‟s a lovely
woman and, thankfully, we‟re able to get past blaming each
other. I admire her more than when we first married but the
exclusivity has been lost. There‟s no way to get it back so
things have changed. The kids are older now. I‟m travelling
much more. We both get lonely. When we are together we still
have a fabulous time.”
“D‟you think you‟ll have a house in one piece when you get
home?” I quipped.
“We both love the kids. There‟s no reason to divorce. Sally
won‟t marry me. She holds a torch for Mike and likes having
her own place. I‟m just a temporary distraction for her.”
“But you need somewhere that‟s a home. You don‟t want to
just drift between places like a visitor?”
“With my work, Penny, my whole life‟s like that. I travel for
days, sometimes weeks, at a time. This is a long contract and
it‟ll be lovely to spend time with Sally. A nomadic life suits me
and I have friends and nests in many places. Maybe I can sleep
in your nest occasionally?”
I smiled. That was a lovely thought and I warmed to it.
“As long as you behave,” I said.
“Not so white as white, am I? I hope you aren‟t disappointed.”
“Don‟t worry, lover. You‟re secret is safe with me.”
With this exchange of words we made our pact. I was
determined to hold onto his love. We hugged again but this time
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 38
I answered immediately.
Dave,
Don’t worry about it. We all have off days. Is there anything we
need to follow up after the product launch?
There was a knock at the door and Phil was standing with a
cup of coffee.
“You don‟t have sugar, right?” he asked.
This was a surprise. Phil did not usually make coffee unless I
asked.
“Thank you. That‟s very sweet of you.”
“Have to keep the boss happy!” he joked.
“No need to do that today, I‟m happy enough for both of us,” I
responded.
Phil looked up and my smile told him all he needed to know.
“Bloody hell, Penny. That was fast work.”
“Hard to believe it myself,” I said.
“Don‟t tell me…..you…..?”
I just kept silent and smirked enough for him to work out that
he was right.
“Don‟t you go blurting this around the place. Keep it under
wraps for now, okay?”
“Okay. But I can‟t see this staying a secret for long,” Phil said.
“If any rumours start, I want them to come from me.”
“Sure thing, boss!” he said sarcastically.
“Okay. What have you got for me?”
“Elona‟s off sick again. That‟s the third time in two weeks.
She‟s over the 10-day mark and her manager is asking if you‟ll
visit.”
Elona! I had forgotten about her in all the excitement.
“I guess that‟s a good idea. Have you called her?”
“Yes. No answer.”
“Hmm. Strange. Okay, give me the address and I‟ll go round.
No answer from her parents?”
“No. They‟ll probably be in the shop.”
Friends or Lovers
“Yes, of course.”
***
I drove to Elona‟s flat and rang the bell. There was no reply so
I entered the shop and spoke to her mother.
“She‟s up there but we can‟t get her out of bed. All weekend,
all last night, just crying and crying. We‟re worried sick.”
I asked them to let me in. Her mother led me though the shop
and up the stairs.
“Elona! Elona, love!” she shouted, “there‟s someone here to
see you….”
There was silence, so her mother gently opened the door of her
room and a crumpled figure lay in the bed asleep.
“Oh the pet!” said her mother. “She‟s cried herself to sleep.
What do you want to do?”
“Can I stay here a bit, maybe make her a drink, wake her up
and chat.”
“Feel free, my dear. We‟re at our wits end. Don‟t know what
to do. We‟ll be in the shop.”
I sat with Elona for fifteen minutes before stirring myself to go
to the kitchen. I took the liberty of putting together
breakfast-in-bed. Having played hide and seek with the butter,
bread, plates and bowls, I finally assembled something that
looked appetising.
“Elona?” I said gently as I rocked her shoulder.
She turned around and after a moment of confusion she saw
the breakfast tray.
“You‟ve been busy!”
“Yes. You looked like you could do with something.”
“What‟re you doing here?” she asked.
Rory Ridley-Duff
“I‟m finding out how you are. Nobody at work could contact
you. We were worried.”
She sat up in bed and I gave her the tray.
“This is kind of you.”
“Just part of the job. Don‟t make me into a saint,” I responded.
“No. This is kind of you.”
Earlier in my career I might have believed that these visits
were out the kindness of the company‟s heart but over the years
I had come to realise that this was just another way to ensure
that people did not take the piss and bunk off work. And yet I
did feel concern for her so I accepted her thanks.
“Your mum and dad say you‟ve been upset.”
As I looked at her face, I could see the tear stains around her
eyes. Without make-up she looked quite different, but still had a
girlish charm. She looked at me sorrowfully and tried to talk but
nothing coherent came out. Eventually, she started to nod and
the tears began to flow as she tucked into her toast and cup of
tea. I did not try to start a conversation and just sat next to her.
It is hard watching someone sink into the depths of despair.
We sat there while she finished her breakfast and then she
thanked me again.
“You didn‟t have to come,” she commented.
“Elona. I won‟t kid you. I‟m here because you‟ve been off
work for 10 days this year and it is my job to be here. At the
same time I do care what happens to you and if there‟s a way I
can help then I will. Have you seen a doctor?”
She gave a dismissive laugh.
“He‟ll just say I‟m depressed and give me some drugs. I don‟t
want that.”
“I‟m sure they‟ll do what‟s best.”
Friends or Lovers
she screamed the place down about Nathan, her parents, her ex-
boyfriend, Mike, work, me, Phil. We had all ruined her life.
I tried to remain calm but it was difficult. When I returned
from the kitchen I held out my hand and surprisingly she took it.
She turned onto her side and wept again. I sat with her for
another quarter of an hour, motionless except for the occasional
stroke of her face.
“Elona. I need to go now. There are a couple of people I want
to talk to and then I‟ll be back. Do you understand?”
She made no movement so I repeated the question and she
gave a nod of her head.
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Chapter 39
For the rest of the day, I busied myself. My first port of call was
John. He was in a meeting with Jo, but he agreed to take a break
at mid-day and chat to me in the canteen. Next I went to see
Mike. As I walked through the door, he smiled at me as if it was
any other day at work. Even though I was there on business, I
felt myself get aroused as I moved closer toward him.
“Hello….err….Penny!” he said slightly stiffly. “What can I do
for you?”
“Can I speak to you in private?” I asked.
“Anything in particular you want to speak about?” he enquired.
“Elona!” I said in response and suddenly he dropped the
formality and whispered in my ear.
“….and there was I hoping you wanted to shag me in the
toilets….”
I whispered back.
“…..I do, but this has to come first ….”
He pulled his head away and I noticed there was a bulge in his
trousers.
“Better do something about that!” I said with a smile, looking
down towards his crotch.
“Any ideas?” he replied.
“Plenty, but none that I can act on here,” I said.
“If there was a cold shower somewhere, I‟d go and have one.”
“We‟ve got to keep a lid on it at work,” I said.
He nodded and even though I felt like dragging him into the
nearest broom cupboard for a quickie, I managed to calmly lead
him into his own office.
“Okay. What is it?” he asked as soon as I closed the door.
Rory Ridley-Duff
“I‟ll tell her….I‟ll tell her that she can move in next weekend if
she wants.”
“Why next weekend?” he asked.
I lent over and spoke quietly into his ear
“Because this week I‟m going to fuck your brains out every
night!”
And with that remark, I turned to leave the room.
“I‟m all yours,” he said with a big grin.
One of his staff had noticed our kiss and by lunchtime a
rumour was making its way around the offices. As I sat with
John in the canteen, one of the reps came up and congratulated
me. I played it cool by asking “what for?” I talked to John
about my idea and he concurred that a move to the flat might be
helpful to Elona.
When I returned in the afternoon, Elona was up and dressed.
She took the news of the flat offer in her stride and did not seem
to show any great enthusiasm. She promised to think about it
and let me know the next day. I told her again that there were
people at work who cared.
When I got back to the office, the rumour about myself and
Mike had spread to Phil.
“Not a word passed my lips!” said Phil as I brought him a cup
of tea.
“Already?” I asked.
“What did you do – send out a company wide e-mail?”
“No, just a little kiss in his office,” I replied.
“May as well have sent out an e-mail!” he retorted with a
chuckle.
“Oh well! It‟s out now.”
Phil looked at me warmly.
Rory Ridley-Duff
***
At my desk, I decided to have one last trawl through my e-
mails in case Dave had replied.
Subject: Sorry
Pen,
I just wanted to say that the thought of you testing the SHARE
experience “personally” is definitely something to dream about at
night!! I look forward to a blow-by-blow description of your
experiences.
Dave
x
Chapter 40
He did not play the way that John played so I tried another
approach.
“Just get on with the bloody story, will you?” I said briskly.
“That works!” he said with a laugh.
It was beginning to dawn on me that Mike liked to play things
straight. He might not make me laugh as much as John, but his
assertive and commanding manner turned me on. With only a
moment‟s hesitation, he continued and finished the story.
“Sally used to be married to Dave‟s brother. Dave‟s brother
used to beat her. You‟ve had this story from John so I‟m not
sure what else to tell you.”
I sat up straight and suddenly the pieces dropped into place.
“Say again?” I asked.
“Sally used to…..”
“It‟s okay – I was being rhetorical!” I said.
There was just a hint of smile on his face.
“What?” I asked.
He gave a gesture to indicate that he did not understand.
“What are you smiling for?” I asked.
“You are so sexy when you raise your voice,” he answered.
“You like it, do you?” I queried.
“Oh, yes. I like strong direct women,” he replied.
“Well, my lad,” I said, gathering words together in my head.
“You are going to like me a lot!”
He relaxed a bit and laughed. I could feel my confidence and
ardour beginning to build.
“So now you know why he and I are not best buddies,” Mike
concluded.
Friends or Lovers
phone call she would say “I‟m really happy for you” and
gradually I began to see what it was that bound she and Chris
together. We talked about her forthcoming wedding and the
preparations. I apologised for not getting more involved but she
assured me that mum was on top of everything. All I needed to
do was to turn up, speech in hand, make everybody laugh and be
beautiful. I broke the news to her that I would have to pass up
the opportunity of shagging the best man.
To my surprise, the rumours at work died quickly and did not
spread further. Dave, fortunately, did not learn of our
relationship and Mike and I managed to keep our contact
low-key and light-hearted. If people knew, there was a
conspiracy of silence. The only person I updated from time to
time was Phil. He, in turn, told me about people that he fancied.
Like true professionals, we remained the very souls of
discretion.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 41
“At the Christmas Party, Diane flung her arms around Ben and
playfully put ice cubes down his trousers. He did not mind her
attention and they grew close. They started to go out for drinks
after work. Both were married. Diane confessed that her
marriage was sexless. Ben confessed his wife had been having
an affair.”
“You may think that you know what is coming……,” he
teased.
“Ben‟s marriage collapsed and Diane offered him a place to
sleep. He thanked her but did not accept. She told him
repeatedly that he had „admirers‟. „You won‟t be lonely,‟ she
told him. Ben thanked her and felt reassured. Ben responded
that he liked one or two of the women at work and had asked
one out for a drink.”
“Instead of being pleased for him, Diane got cross and told him
he should not look for love at work. When Ben asked why,
Diane reported his activities to her own manager. She now
claimed that Ben was „womanising‟ and might misuse personnel
records. Ben was questioned for over an hour in a private room
about „inappropriate‟ behaviour. Ben argued that the accusation
was unjustified, hypocritical and sexist. His objections fell on
deaf ears. Ben argued with the company‟s MD.”
John raised his volume a couple of notches to finish the story
“He was fired.”
A few people in the audience gasped.
“So!” he said, “a woman who talked openly about her lust for a
male director during Ben‟s induction, put ice cubes down Ben‟s
trousers at a party, invited Ben to stay at her house, told Ben he
had admirers and then got jealous when Ben admired someone
Rory Ridley-Duff
“You‟ll need friends for this one, Penny. How‟s Mike going to
take this?” he asked.
“I‟ll call him later. I want to go home.”
“I‟d take you – but I‟ve been drinking gin all evening…..” he
joked.
“Damn,” I said before I saw his grin.
“I‟m probably the only sober person in the room,” he
corrected. I never drink before a talk so if you want to go home,
I can take you.”
“Thank you. You‟re a sweetie.”
The rest of the evening passed off without any more incidents.
About an hour later, John and I took a cab to a quiet pub and I
told him about Dave‟s wife, the launch evening, Dave‟s e-mail
and my conversations with Mike. I could see the concern
growing on his face. He called Elaine and Sam, invited them for
dinner then insisted that I come with Mike. He said that he
wanted to talk “strategy”. When I asked why, he cryptically
replied that „every good soldier needed the support of his unit‟.
I told him of my wish to marry Mike. When he heard this, he
grabbed me and hugged me for what seemed like an age. When
he let go, I noticed that his eyes were filled with tears. I told
him not be such a soppy idiot.
As days go, today had not been a good one. When I set out
this morning I was full of the joys of spring, but now I was
battling to save my job.
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 42
I was glad to get home to Mike. When I told him what had
happened, he was matter of fact and kept reassuring me that I
had truth on my side. Given what I‟d learnt from the conflict
between Mike and Elona, however, I was less confident. If, as
John had suggested, we can only see what we are looking for,
then I was up shit creek without a paddle. Dave would not be
looking for evidence of my innocence, only evidence of my
guilt. And what was it that I was guilty of? Most of his attacks
were about my flirting. Hard as it was to admit, I was now
experiencing things from the other side.
Two months earlier, I had been judgemental about Mike‟s
motives. Now it was Dave who was being judgemental about
me. I began to wonder whether perhaps I might have done
things differently, or left Mike and Elona to sort out their own
problems. The law required me to investigate, however. In the
past, I had been convinced that sexual harassment laws were
progressive, but now I was not so sure. It was bad enough that I
had intruded into a number of delicate personal relationships,
but now it was the other way around I started to experience how
the intrusions feel on the receiving end, and the frustration of
having to deal with others‟ unstated agendas. How could others
possibly know or understand what had gone on? How could I
possibly explain the complexity of this situation so that another
person could understand it?
The world not only looked more complex but it also made
more sense. Not only had I misjudged Mike, but I now realised
that my attitude had been coloured both by the hurt I felt in the
past and my attraction to him. It may not only have been my
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 43
“He‟s not going to bring that up!” asserted John, getting quite
heated.
“But that‟s what pisses him off – surely he‟ll raise it?” I
argued.
We had been discussing my situation at work for nearly half an
hour over after-dinner coffee. John was trying to persuade
everyone that Dave was going to block my appointment, but
most of the others would not believe him.
“But Penny is brilliant at her job – aren‟t you, Penny?” said
Sam, who probably knew the least about all the cock ups I had
made.
“Thank you, Sam. But John is right about Dave. He‟s pissed
off with me.”
“But you said that even Harry thought you were doing a good
job. It was Dave who gave him this impression.”
Mike joined in the “strategy” discussion and kept coming back
to what people had said about my work. He thought the
company would be crazy to sack me. I knew he was biased, but
it was good to have his support.
“How long have you been there, Mike?” asked John.
“Nearly 6 years,” he answered.
“Now look at this from Harry‟s point of view. Is he going to
believe someone he‟s worked with closely for 6 years or a
probationer that he‟s met just once or twice?” asked John.
“He‟s going to look at the truth, surely?” responded Mike.
“He‟ll see through Dave, won‟t he?”
Rory Ridley-Duff
Dave sacks his future wife. This isn‟t just about our friends,
Sam, this is about our company‟s well-being. Mike‟s our sales
manager. Dave‟s the Director of Business Development. Can‟t
you see the threat?”
Since I had told both Elaine and John about my marital
aspirations it had been common knowledge within the group.
However, Mike was not aware that I‟d talked to the others and
he shot me a quick glance then cast his eyes down at the table.
“We all have an interest!” said Elaine. “You too, Sally!”
Sally had remained fairly quiet throughout.
“I‟m keeping out of this,” she said.
“You‟d stand by while Dave shits on Mike?” asked John.
I wondered for a moment whether Sally might secretly want
me off the scene to open the way to Mike again. Since we‟d
become a couple, I‟d taken over his life and he saw her much
less. With John returning home in a couple of weeks she might
start to miss Mike‟s company.
“It‟s not that,” she said. “I don‟t have a way of influencing
things the way you do.”
“Okay, Sal. Perhaps you‟re right!” responded John. “But you
can influence things on the ground.”
“On the ground?” she asked.
“Stuff like this doesn‟t stay secret. If your colleagues talk
about it, you can put them straight!”
“And have Dave on my back?” she asked.
“So little confidence!” complained Elaine.
I could understand Sally‟s fear. Elaine had both political and
financial independence whereas Sally‟s life was more
precarious. She was also in a line management situation with
Dave. Only Mike stood between her and Dave. If Mike‟s
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 44
Elona‟s move into the flat with Mike was problematic at first. I
dropped in a couple of times to check how things were. As part
of his professional development, I asked Phil to make some
visits to see how she was progressing. Normally we would not
visit so much, but given her precarious state, I felt we should
visit daily. It took two weeks for her to feel strong enough to
return to work. When she did, my professional worries receded.
When I had been at her parents‟ shop and heard her torrent of
abuse, she accused me of bullying her. As a result, I decided to
visit her when Mike went out with his drinking pals. We started
to have chats in the evening at home and at work during lunch
breaks. I was trying to build her confidence, not just to learn
about her, but also to learn about myself. Was I a bully? Mike
sometimes joked that I could be, a by-product of my strength of
character. He had not seen me when I felt weak and feeble (the
way John had seen me). I told him I was not always strong but
he would not believe it.
Elona, on the other hand, turned out to be strong in ways I‟d
not realised. We talked about her upbringing. There was no
weekend in her family, just a Sunday and Wednesday afternoon
when the shop closed. Her parents were committed Christians
and they arranged for her aunt to take her to Sunday school each
week. Brownies and Guides followed and she talked of the
many skills she had developed, but also the scriptures and
morality that affected her freedom.
Even as a grown up, her parents disapproved of her drinking in
pubs and when the situation erupted at work they felt deeply
ashamed. Instead of showing sympathy, they chided her for
Friends or Lovers
getting mixed up with a “bad crowd”. They would tell her that
in the „devil‟ world of „Godless‟ people, people pursued each
other for sex and treated each other disrespectfully. I listened as
much as I could, judged as little as I could, and avoided the
temptation to get angry with either her or her parents. Instead, I
started to wonder how she had turned out so „normal‟ despite
her upbringing.
My parents had been liberal in their attitudes, especially my
father. Elona‟s father was protective and would never let her go
to parties. Both my father and mother allowed me to have male
friends, to take them up to my room, play music, chat and talk.
Sometimes I would get keen on a boy and still my parents would
not interfere, although my mother would tell me what I should
and should not do. More than once that led to us having a fight.
Even so, my voice was heard and sex talk was commonplace in
our house.
If I had a boy with me they would knock on my bedroom door.
My room was a private space to do as I pleased. Elona, on the
other hand, was not allowed to bring boys into the house without
the permission of her father - upstairs was strictly out of bounds
even after she reached the age of 18. They did not even let her
take girlfriends upstairs. When I asked her how she got to know
boys, she simply said that she had not been able to. Private
conversations with boys were not allowed in her house – one or
other parent had to be present.
Attitudes to sex – or more accurately, those of our parents -
could not have been more different. I can still remember my
parents telling me on my 16 th birthday that if I wanted boys to
stay over they would be allowed to sleep with me if I wished. I
remember only mild embarrassment at their openness, and
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 45
I didn‟t know how to break the news that this may be kindness,
or an attempt to help her mix in with people at work. It was
„good‟, however. I mentally got ready to nail Phil when I saw
him next morning. He had mentioned Elona, but had his eye on
others as well.
“Maybe you shouldn‟t read too much into it,” I commented.
“But it‟s a drink invitation! He‟s asking me out.”
My heart sank. It may be that Phil was asking her out, but then
again it may not and I felt that it would be irresponsible not to
prepare her for the possibility.
“Elona, love! Look at me,” I said as I took her hands and our
eyes locked.
She duly obliged.
“When a man asks you for a drink, it does not always mean
that he‟s asking you to be his girlfriend. He may be interested in
that. But he may just want to be your friend…..”
“But my Dad said…..”
“Forget your Dad,” I interrupted. “I have a friend called John
and when he first asked me for a drink I thought that perhaps he
was trying to ask me out…..”
“You just want to spoil my dreams!” she interrupted, starting
to look a bit downcast.
“Dream all you like, my love. Pretend he‟s your fantasy hero,
but remember that this may be your wish but not his.”
“What about John?” she continued.
“I was excited. Very excited. Secretly I thought about him a
lot, but when I was with him I took nothing for granted. You‟ve
met him?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered. “Everyone talks about him at work,
especially after he did that workshop about sexism in the army.”
Friends or Lovers
Chapter 46
that he could not resist her. She would fantasise about her
boyfriend so full of lust that he would force himself on her as
she tried to resist him. At the time, I found her fantasies sick, as
if she was fantasising about rape. But in this moment I realised
what was so exciting to her. I wanted to be Mike‟s greatest
fantasy, the woman that he could not resist. I wanted to him to
feel an uncontrollable desire for me that no-one, not even I,
could stop. If I could do that to him…for him…he would be
mine forever.
And there, as Mike arched in the throws of orgasm and shot his
sperm deep into me, I hoped he was feeling the same crushing
desire that I felt for him. I hoped he felt the bewilderment and
disorientation I felt when his magic tongue took me to another
plane of existence. I watched his face strain as he reached the
limits of his passion, every spark of sexual energy that he
possessed ignited and firing through his body. What greater gift
could I give him? And what more could he give me than show
his inability to resist me? As I lay on the bed, with Mike‟s spent
body still lying inside me, I held him in my arms and wept. All
the certainties that I had ever felt about how men and women
should behave vanished in the dust. I had entered a new world
and reached a new level of understanding.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 47
Penny,
Ellie
do the same. As I sat next to him, I put my arm on his back and
helped him.
“I was so excited, Penny! I just wanted her so bad, but she
didn‟t really know what to do. Do you know what I mean?”
I looked at him and nodded.
“I mean – I took her into the bedroom and I could tell she
wanted me……”
He hesitated again. Clearly this was difficult for him to say.
“But……we didn‟t……”
“It‟s okay – nobody‟s going to judge you, Phil.”
“We didn‟t……..have any……foreplay!” he finally said.
I started to understand what he was saying and gently
encouraged him.
“I really like her and all, but I didn‟t know how to ask her
to……you know…..?”
“I think I know what you mean, Phil!” I said confidently.
“I wanted her to…but she didn‟t seem to know anything. I just
ended up sticking it in and pumping away. It hurt and I was
worried about hurting her. But I‟d started and didn‟t want to
take it out because I thought she might think I didn‟t want to
make love to her. I thought I might hurt her feelings.”
I had to stifle a laugh – he would not have understood why I
found this funny. I was instantly relieved. They were going to
do well if they cared so much about each others‟ feelings on
their first date. Neither was interested in blaming the other.
These are the moments when people are at their most
vulnerable, when one wrong word or gesture can destroy trust
and end a relationship. I gently listened to him and tried to work
out how to tell him what he needed to hear. Can there be
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 48
The rest of the week was unsettling. After I had divulged to Phil
what happened at the CIPD event, Phil confessed to me that
he‟d been visited by Harry. At senior management levels, there
was a growing interest in the dispute between Elona and Mike.
Phil reassured me that whatever happened I would always have
his respect. I told him he was too generous. I nearly screwed up
completely for no other reason than my own prejudices. Phil
berated me for being too hard on myself and said that I had
come to terms with it more quickly and more fully than anyone
else he had known. The way I changed my mind about Mike,
and the care I had shown to Elona, mattered more to him than
the prejudices I had initially displayed. It was this that gave him
confidence in me.
I received my appraisal from Dave and there were no surprises.
He had marked me down on most aspects of my performance
and cited the handling of the dispute as the reason. Privately I
knew that it had more to do with the way our relationship had
turned sour. This was the beginning of the end. Jo had been
kind and positive, as had Phil. Nevertheless, having briefed
Dave and the other senior executives about the appraisal
process, I quickly realised that my continued employment was
problematic.
I took the matter into my own hands and visited Harry. I
talked with him for nearly two hours, going over the issues that
the appraisal had raised but avoiding the matter of Dave‟s
behaviour toward me. At the end of our meeting, he said he
could make „no promises‟ which I took to mean that a decision
had already been taken.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 49
I did not understand how he could work out that I had once
read Ms magazine.
“How could you know that?”
“Easy. That‟s where the advice was first given to women.
There was an article in the mid-90s telling women how to flirt at
work. The headline was quite uninspiring, I remember. I think
it was something like „The Working Woman‟s Guide to Sex at
Work‟ right before an article about sexual harassment!
Anyway, I pictured you as a single professional woman who
enjoyed her independence and men!”
We both laughed at the irony, but I was still amazed that he‟d
made a connection.
“You never cease to amaze, John. Are you really telling me
that you remembered this article about tying non-existence
shoelaces while in the queue at the airport?”
“It‟s not so strange Penny. I didn‟t read the article, I wrote it!
I added that bit of advice about the shoelace as a joke. I‟d never
seen anybody do it. I thought the idea was amusing and it
would be a laugh for the magazine‟s readers.”
“You?”
“Why so surprised? I‟d just finished my PhD and was full of
that stuff. I had to make a living and for a short while I wrote
lots of magazine articles.”
“I can‟t believe it!” I said, absolutely gob-smacked.
John looked me square in the eye.
“So there you were doing something to attract me that I‟d
written about nearly 10 years earlier. It was art creating life. I
was looking at you in those fantastic jeans and pondering the
connection between us. I stood there behind you and realised
Friends or Lovers
So I set out for John what had been going through my head. If
he was not stronger than me, how could he ever protect me?
And the moment I felt ashamed of thinking this way, I stopped
resisting him. And yet, the phrase “he‟s dying for me” kept
spinning through my head. Suddenly, I put these two thoughts
together. I wanted him to overpower me so that I would know
he was strong enough to protect me, even die for me. I
wondered about that phrase. Why do we say „he‟s dying for
me‟? Where does that expression come from? There I was
lying there wanting him to prove that he would be prepared to
die for me.
John‟s question popped into my head – it was one of those
flashes of intuition that have no explanation. What could be
more sexist than expecting a man to die for you when you were
not prepared to die for him? Would I be prepared to die for
him? I would kill to keep him, but that was not the same thing
as being prepared to die to save him. I wanted him to be
prepared to die for me, but I realised that I would not die for
him. So I stopped teasing him and started to care instead about
giving him as much pleasure as I could.
It gave me my first true glimpse of the power that women can
wield – that we make a man feel that he has to prove his
willingness to die before we will love him. Mike, I knew, would
sacrifice himself for me, but not in the movie hero sense. A few
days before, when we had been driving home, he told me that he
would let me go if I wanted children. I could not imagine
making such a sacrifice.
“But your question, John,” I continued. “It stopped me
insisting that he be prepared to die for me as a pre-condition of
my love. I gave it to him willingly, no preconditions, no tests.”
Rory Ridley-Duff
“That‟s it, Penny! That‟s what men are taught to do. Usually
they never think twice about it for the entirety of their lives.”
“We expect men to die. We expect them to die to protect us.
And for no other reason than they are men,” I said, finally.
What a journey I had travelled. For the last 20 years, since I
had been introduced to feminism, I had been taught (and taught
others) that war was caused by men, fought by men, for the
benefit of men. It had taken me all this time to see it a different
way. War might be fought – in the minds of the men who
fought them – to protect those they love. Perhaps it was not
even for this reason. For them, perhaps, it was to show
themselves worthy of someone‟s love. As I faced up to the truth
that I would not die for my man, but wanted him to be prepared
to die for me, my own part in men‟s violence became clearer to
me.
John interrupted my thoughts with some of his own.
“If we cared about equality, Pen – if we valued men as much
as women - we would be recruiting the strongest people to fight
our wars. Many women are strong and fit, even if the average
man is stronger than the average women. By rights, our armies
would have many women fighting alongside men. Equality
means that women would insist on their responsibility to fight,
not just their right.”
I thought about this for a second and suddenly became bold.
“Then that‟s what we should do,” I said. “It‟s only fair!”
“Fair, yes. Sensible, maybe not.”
“Why? Surely we should recognise this…..” I said with ardour
of a convert.
John stopped me.
“There is another point of view,” he said firmly.
Friends or Lovers
need for court marshals, no executions or jail for men when they
reject violence.”
I wondered what it must be like to grow up constantly
wondering if, one day, you would be forced to fight against your
will. Suddenly it made sense that little boys played with guns.
It‟s not necessary to teach them, they simply work out for
themselves that one day they may have to fight.
“Keep saying these things, John. Don‟t let anyone stop you.”
He nodded and the conversation moved onto an assortment of
trivia as we finished off a lovely “stuffed crust” pizza with
chargrilled chicken, peppers and extra cheese. After a second
bottle of wine, I was too drunk to drive home so we walked it
off in the park and visited a coffee bar. I had a truly wonderful
day.
Rory Ridley-Duff
Chapter 50
I wish I could tell you that things worked out well, that truth and
justice prevailed, that the initial love I felt for Mike lasted until
the day I died. I wish I could say that most of us lived happily
for most of our lives. It wasn‟t to happen, but as things
changed, new relationships were formed and moments of
happiness were found amidst the problems we all faced.
I was sacked. Or, if you prefer the description on my
employment record “Penny failed her probationary period
because of poor job performance”. It would have been easy to
get bitter and start a crusade over the injustice but I did not want
to become another statistic at the Equal Opportunity
Commission, or a voice to be used against men and women I
had come to respect. They did their best, but were as frail,
prejudiced and limited as me.
If it had not been for the intervention of a gifted person, who
did so only out of affection for me, I would have added to these
statistics myself. I did not want to end up being one of the
women who contributed to the problems that men face today,
problems which after millennia of neglect are finally becoming
the subject of debate. But nor did I want to become another
woman who gave up her dreams of mixing work and family by
finding a balance that enabled me to enjoy life outside the home.
Several generations of women made it possible for me to
exercise choice, some died so that I could do so, and I felt a
responsibility to give back some of what they had given to me.
John returned to his wife and they continued, between his and
her escapades, to make their peace with each other. For the rest
of his life he enjoyed – if that is the right word – an open
Friends or Lovers
Mike gave in to her. She had been through the menopause and
Mike lost his excuse for resisting her. They are now married.
Sally finally got her man. Nine years after his first wife had
falsely accused him of sleeping with her, Mike ended up
committing himself to Sally for life. When I meet them, I detect
the kind of closeness that I have in my own marriage. They are
one of life‟s happy couples.
As for Sam and Elaine, their marriage hit the rocks about five
years later. The success of their company created problems.
Elaine enjoyed life as a company director and took on more
directorships. She got a buzz from the political battles and liked
to forge change. Sam, when the success of SHARE began to
fade, wanted to get back to inventing and engineering new
products. She was the business brains and it was her will that
prevailed in the short term. After Procter & Gamble bought
them out, their marriage failed. Sam rejoined IC to engineer
new products.
Dave kept his job, of course, but the events that took place
following my departure cost him dearly. His wife went into a
hospice where she died six-months later. Within twelve months
he had been demoted. Afterwards, he had a breakdown.
According to Phil, he never fully recovered. I once wrote to him
to see whether he wanted to talk about the past. He declined,
adding that he hoped never to see me again. It was a sad way
for our relationship to end and despite the bitterness on his side,
I think of the good times we had.
My sister Carole married Chris, and their second child – Penny
Ann – was born one day early. In giving a „best woman‟
speech, I discovered my talent for public speaking. I also found
myself taking a much greater interest in being an aunt. The love
Friends or Lovers
laws that seek to regulate not only our behaviour, but even the
way we articulate our thoughts. In this struggle I have –
unsurprisingly - made little headway. But I am pleased to have
influenced a few organisations so that they keep bureaucracy to
a minimum and replace this with the exercise of moral
judgement in the way they deal with investors, customers,
employees and suppliers.
For a business to grow, there needs to be a culture in which
relationships are intimate and people can learn from the
mistakes they make. I learned this at IC, and that is why I
wanted to tell you this story. Intimate relationships are the
foundation our society, and from them spring not just new
human life but new economic life as well. Thankfully I have
been able to make a living saying this to many people, and
exploring ways to make it work in practice.
After I split from Mike, and Phil split from Elona, I started to
see Phil more. Our friendship developed into a lasting romance.
We now have two lovely children: a boy I insisted we call John.
Three years later we had a girl. We called her Hope. It may not
last, these things are never certain, but for now I am content.
Phil and I are the closest of friends and managed to rekindle our
passion for each other after we got the kids out of our bed. As I
look to the future, there is only one thing of which I am certain.
There is a strength that grows from being quick to listen and
slow to judge. If I can teach this to my children and
grandchildren, my time on this earth will not have been wasted.
~ End ~