RECOLLECTED TEACHINGS OF

SADGURU HIS HOLINESS SWAMI ATMANISHTANANDA SARASWATI

PUBLISHED BY SADGURU SWAMI ATMANISHTANANDA SARASWATI BENEVOLENCE FUND TRUST. SHREE PRASTHAM, 6 GREEN PARK EXTN. BANER, PUNE 411007 i

1st Edition: 1000 copies VIJAYADASMI 11th October 1997 Publishers: SADGURU SWAMI ATMANISHTHANANDA SARASWATI BENEVOLENCE FUND TRUST. Shree Prastham. 6, Green Park Extension (AUNDH), BANER, PUNE 411007. Sponsors of 1st edition: M/S. COMPUTACT SOFTWARE SERVICES INDIA (P) Ltd. Kewal Industrial Estate, Lower Parel, Mumbai. 2nd Edition: Internet/EBook Edition GANGADASHAMI 19th June 2013

COMPILERS NOTE This book Atmanishta Upanishad does not have any copyright restriction. However, anyone who wishes to print it can do so without tampering its contents. This present publisher is bringing out this edition, with the sole help of voluntary contributions. Hence this book is not priced and sold. The same spirit of sharing has to be maintained by everyone who is interested if at all, undertaking future editions.

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Insights in the cover-page Graphics of Atmanishta Upanishad

There is a kind of KNOWLEDGE that can pave way for a human being to realize the fundamental enigma of LIFE. This enigma is the daunting mystery pertaining to ones selfidentity. The question of WHO AM I? Such knowledge is embodied in three facets. The knowledge through written words (SCRIPTURES), knowledge through the revealing verbal exposition of wise men (SOUND) and finally knowledge through golden SILENCE of a true Master. Written words (Scriptures), Sound as speech (Conch) and Silence (Gyana Mudra) are the three facets of spiritual knowledge. The role of written words and sound as speech in the dissemination of Spiritual Knowledge is well known for all seekers. Whereas, the significance of SILENCE is rarely iii

explored and understood, in the context of spiritual quest. To take the ultimate step in the journey of self-realization, the person in quest should fully grasp the efficacy of the golden SILENCE of the Master. The Atmanishta Upanishad books cover-page graphics elucidates this aspect. True Masters silence has the abiding vitality (Chaitanya) of PRESENCE. This presence enlivens the ultimate spiritual TRUTH regarding ones self-identity and makes it palpable to a sincere seeker. The realization of this truth means the ending of all notions pertaining to ones separate self-identity (Ahambhav). The Master in silence, merely through the subtle gesture of His right-hand (Gyana Mudra) conveys the entire import of spiritual knowledge. The significance of this is explained below. The normal position of five fingers in ones palm is that the four fingers of Index, Middle, Ring and Little fingers stay closely set adjacent to each other, while the Thumb finger is set apart from the rest four. The strikingly revealing symbolization present in the hand gesture (Gyana Mudra) of the Master is as follows. The index finger represents the self-conscious EGO (Ahambhav) in a human being. This is our nagging sense of alienated individuality. Middle finger, ring finger and little finger represent three states of consciousness by way of waking, dream and deep-sleep states. Further these three fingers also represent the principal human traits (Gunas) by way of Satwa, Rajas and Tamas. The thumb finger represents the elusive God-principle, the unchanging eternal SUBSTRATUM. iv

The hand gesture of the Master (Gyana Mudra) non-verbally conveys that leaving the clutches of ever recurring three states of consciousness and the network of three traits (Gunas), the sense of ones individuality (EGO) in us should in all humility bend its arrogance to come in contact with the elusive God-principle (represented by the thumb finger in the Gyana Mudra). The all pervasive God-principle is elusive only to the alienated human ego. If one can overcome this impasse and able to make contact as shown in the Gyana Mudra, a direct path immediately opens up for one to realize the true non-dual abode of universal togetherness. Only complete negation of self-identity (EGO) as suggested in the Gyana Mudra, transforms the human self-consciousness. This is how the Masters SILENCE operates devastatingly eloquent in a sincere seeker (Sadhak). Further, the cover-page graphic again emphasizes by depicting through the three concentric circles the eternally recurring three states of consciousness of Waking, Dreaming and Deep-sleep, bonding with three fundamental traits (Gunas) that project and sustain the mysterious self-identity (Ahambhav) on a human being. The swarming tiny specks of dots that are caught within the magnetic encasement of concentric three layered circles are the deluded individuals clashing mutually with each other and thus endlessly suffering. The dawning of self-realization is the freedom from the spell of hypnotic concentric psychic cycles of birth-and-death. When knowledge culminates into self-realization, consciousness freed from the delusion of self-identity merges into the PRESENCE of limitless infinite eternal vastness (spreading blueness in the cover-page graphic). This oneness v

is the state of absolute togetherness. This PRESENCE is the essence of authentic non-duality (Advaita). ATMANISHTA UPANISHAD contains pointers to help the finite to journey towards the Infinite, rather to realize that there is really no such journey at all there! How far to journey, to wake up from a nightmare???!

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Salutations to the Supreme Master,-Sri Dakshinamurti (who is merely the quintessence of Omnipotence, Formless and Unlimited SELF-AWARENESS). The Supreme Master is the indicative meaning of PRANAVA (primordial essence of sound). HE is of the nature of pristine non-dual SELFAWARENESS. This non-dual KNOWLEDGE state is spotlessly clean and is Supremely peaceful. (It is unmoving and immutable like an Ocean of BLISS). Unto HIM, the foremost TEACHER who expounded the LIGHT of SELF-KNOWLEDGE in SILENCE, by merely displaying the gesture of Jnana Mudra, I make prostrations for the removal of the beginingless Ignorance in me. (Source: Sri Dakshinamurti Dhyana Panchakam)

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COMPILERS GIFT TO THE PUBLISHERS (1st Edition) (SADGURU TRUST) P. Ramakrishnan, Sr. No. 163/3, Madhav Memory, Flat No. 2 , D. P. Road, AUNDH, PUNE 411 007 September 9, 1997 The Hon. Secretary, SADGURU SWAMI ATMANISHTANANDA SARASWATI Benevolence Fund Trust, SHREE PRASTHAM, 6, Green Park Extn, BANER, PUNE 411 007 Dear Sir, I learn from you that the above trust is inclined to publish Atmanishtha Upanishad, containing the recollections of Swami Atmanishtanandajis pristine teachings. As a humble compiler, I am indeed very happy that our Swamijis all curative message would now reach realtively large number of seekers. I am quite certain that anyone who would get acquainted with His all embracing teachings is sure to be immensely helped in their Self-Discovery. I also append herewith a Compilers Note , which can be incorporated in this book. I join you all, in invoking our Swamijis grace to make this attempt to bear a healing touch for many troubled beings. Thanking you, Yours Sincerely, -sd(P. Ramakrishnan)

SUBMISSION OF THE PUBLISHERS(1ST Edition) Dear Reader, - Blessed Child of The Immortal Being! The Sadguru moved and lived wearing the body, whose name the Trust bears, amidst a few devotee- families mostly in Pune and Mumbai, over a period of 24 years since 1968. HE watched the progress and growth of each seeker by touching the very core of each person with HIS intense, deep and warm penetrating gaze. In this purifying process ever changing traits of each person yielded to the necessary changes, so that the changeless self-shining spiritual spark within the person is freed from the personality and shines unhindered . HE took Mahasamadhi at Pune on 10-06-1992. This day was Gangadasara day. HE appeared (born) on Ganga Saptami day to make HIS presence felt and be known to those whose sensitivity is limited to gross level. Our awareness which was rooted in body-consciousness was unfettered by HIS torrential pouring of POWERFUL VIBRANCY of eternal Life that is Here and Now. HE returned to HIS eternal state of BEING on the Gangadasara day. His body was also returned to the mother Ganga, signifying that HE is ever present being established in Atmanishta and Gnana Ganga. This state of Being is the truth and substance of all gross and subtle appearances. Due to the deep-rooted notion that I am this body, we devotees were unable to see the Self-shining spark in us and be established therein. Such an outlook in us made us feel that we were in the company of the Sadguru when HE moved amidst us donning a body and felt orphaned or thought we lost HIM when he cast off the body on entering Mahasamadhi, whereas the Sadguru was ever established in the pristine truth. HE looked upon the body as a bubble xi

floating on the ocean of Awareness. For such a Mahatma death does not apply. Eternally HE keeps His living presence no matter whether HE sports a body or not. This eternal teaching in spite of coming to us through the Scriptures and the unbroken chain of Masters, the power of delusion of the Lord overtook us and clouded our vision and made use grieve! It was H. H. Swami Dayananda Saraswatiji Maharaj, the one who gave Sanyasa-deeksha to our Sadguru, dispelled our grief instantly by uttering, I gave Him the name Atmanishtananda. HE lived every moment as Atmanishta and also gave IT to all. The notion of death does not apply to such a Mahatma. He keeps His eternal presence. Why do you grieve without a legitimate cause for it? This re-assurance dispelled our delusion and grief. Thus we once again started continuing to perceive the living presence of Sadguru. We are once again afloat on the ocean of Awareness just as when HE moved amidst us while sporting in a body! A touchstone can convert a base metal into gold. But it cannot convert the base metal into touchstone! But glory of a Sadguru and ancient teaching tradition is such that they can transmute a mud (One rooted in the notion that I am the body) into the ocean of Awareness, another Sadguru! Our parent give birth to us instilled with I am the body consciousness, Our Sadguru gives us a second birth into immortality, as children of Immortal Being. Sadguru by His very living, which is also the essence of scriptural teachings, transmits HIS true state of BEING, that is awareness-andBliss, to the seeker and makes him as much as HE is. This is like a lamp kindling another and thereby not growing dimmer or brighter. The kindled light equally shines and can inturn kindle another light and so on. What a wonderful grace it is! What an unconditional love it is!! xii

Look at a Crystal. It is spotlessly clear and pure. Different objects coming in its vicinity get reflected with all their different colours, shapes and textures. But the very moment the said objects are gone, the Crystal instantly regains purity. The association with reflections or the objects, did not produce any stain in the Crystal! It remains ever untouched by appearances born in it, sustained in it and dissolved in it. Such is the state of pure mind of Sadguru. HE is fullness in all states and levels of existence. The momentary appearance of duality caused by names and forms OR their disappearance does not in any way add or reduce the EVER FULLNESS of the Sadgurus BEING! He is untouched by duality. Unmoved from HIS true form of mere Awareness, HE out of His essential nature appears like a child to a child, a scholar to a scholar, a devotee to a devotee, a yogi to a yogi, a gnani to gnani and so on.... ! Since the substance of what HE talks, feels and thinks is the same unwavering state of NON-Dual Being, HE does not look upon anything as different from HIS own true nature (Swaroopa). Hence the recollections of what HE says, does, feels or thinks can be varied only according to the capacity and quality of the mind that recollects. As stated by the compiler , the recollections are Pointers TO Dwell In The Substratum. The seekers (readers) can use them by adopting the means of dispassion, discrimination, hearing with attention, intense reflection (Satyanishta, abiding in TRUTH and Atmanishta). Sacrifice or selfless action (Tyaga) does not mean, just merely only giving. It involves both giving-and-receiving. This wisdom and heart/ essence of Tyaga is, what is given up is truly insignificant, immaterial, and as well transient. What is received is relatively more valuable, more joyful and more durable. Highest form of sacrifice (Tyaga) is the unconditional surrendering of I notion. It is there for all of us to observe in xiii

us, how both the I notion (mind/subject) and the Thought (word/object) rise together. But it is the subject (mind) which lights up the object (World). Therefore the World is but a form of Mind. Then, is the Mind (I notion/Subject) independent and self-luminous? NO IT IS NOT. The I-Notion arises in the waking and dream states and disappears into the deep-sleep state! Thus, it is an effect without any permanence. Vigorous search for the cause of the Mind, -the Source and Substance of all appearances, -is to dive deep within to be united with IT (SOURCE). This happens only by unconditionally offering the I-notion itself as a food to IT (the SOURCE)! This is the highest form of sacrifice (Tyaga). This is total surrender. This is dying while living. This is Atmanishta. This is what is meant by the attainment of the attained (STATE OF BEING). We have no doubt therefore that, the present recollections presented to you titled as ATMANISHTA UPANISHAD, will indeed help to serve as pointers to dive deep into and dwell in its substance/true nature (Swaroopa) indicated by them. They can help us to lift our gross outlook and make us perceive subtle and subtler levels. The formation of the Sadguru Trust on 19/10/1996 was with the main aim of living vigorously the objects and ideals dearest to Sadguru, and to spread the same on a more wide canvas and share with other seekers. Our present publication thus in your hand is as a form of Knowledge-Sacrifice (Gnana Yagna). It is an act of selfless service in which not only the compiler, the composers, the artists, the printers, the Board of Trustees, the sponsors but also patrons, donors, seekers , well-wishers and the readers are all FULL participants.

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The scheme of different Goal and Projects of the Sadguru Trust each one of them is a form of sacrifice, a selfless service expressing the unconditioned love. Observe as to how this sacrifice is in operation in the whole Cosmos. The Sun, the Planets, the five elements and all other forces and divinities are ceaselessly engaged in observing this law of selfless sacrifice and mutual co-operation. This IS the expression of unconditioned LOVE! Since this timeless ancient Dharma/Cosmic Law is like the compassionate wish fulfilling Kamadhenu Cow, we the human race (the crown of Creation) ought to abide by this unsurpassable Cosmic-Law for our own welfare, progress and growth. We therefore appeal to all to accept this and be in tune with that Cosmic-Law. The publishers record their deepest sense of appreciation and thankfulness to the Compiler for gifting these recollections, and to Mr. Ashok Hingorani and Ms. Meenakshi Rao of M/s Computant Software India(P) Ltd., Mumbai, for bringing out this book and presenting it to the readers, as sponsors of the present (first) edition.

In the service of the Master. D.V.K.Rao For BOARD OF TRUSTEES SADGURU TRUST

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CONTENTS
PREFACE .........................................................................1 TEACHING THE SUBLE TRUTH (ATMA BODH) .......................3 CATS ON THE WALL .........................................................4 ALL ACTIVITIES TO END IN INACTION ................................5 GROWTH, VERTICAL OR HORIZONTAL? ..............................6 RELATIONSHIP ................................................................7 VIOLENCE IN SILENCE ......................................................9 TO LOSE EVERYTHING .................................................... 10 WE HAVE CREATED EACH OTHER, HAVENT WE ? ............ 11 WHAT DO YOU WANT? .................................................... 13 WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?............................................. 14 SHOOT AT SIGHT ...................................................... 15 SIGNPOST..................................................................... 16 GOING TO TEMPLE ......................................................... 17 ROOM UPSTAIRS............................................................ 18 MANIRAM THE VAGABOND .............................................. 19 AWARENESS IS CREATIVE AND CURATIVE ........................ 20 HOST AND GHOST ......................................................... 21 SITTING QUIET .............................................................. 22 GUNA AND TAPASYA ...................................................... 23 ARE YOU LIVING WITH TRUTH? ....................................... 25 HAREKH KUTTE KO ALAG ALAG LATHI .............................. 26 FAITH AND UNDERSTANDING .......................................... 27 FREE WILL AND DESTINY ................................................ 28 xvi

UNDERSTANDING BUT NOT REALIZING ............................ 29 TAIL END OF UNDERSTANDING ....................................... 31 AWARENESS ELIMINATES REPETITION ............................. 33 DESIRES ARE UNCONSCIOUS .......................................... 34 DROPS THAT SWELL INTO RIVER ..................................... 36 WISE OR OTHERWISE .................................................... 37 ARRANGEMENT OR A CONDITION .................................... 38 HIMALAYAN TOOTH POWDER .......................................... 39 THE PERFECT DIET ......................................................... 40 PRACTICE MAKES IT PERFECT ....................................... 42 HELP, WHEN YOU DONT NEED IT .................................... 44 HOLY PRESENCE ............................................................ 45 SWORD EDGE REALIZATION ........................................... 47 DEATH, THE MOTHER OF ALL FEARS. ............................... 50 ORGANIZED ACTIVITY IS SELF-CENTRED.......................... 52 MAKING OF AN ASHRAM ................................................. 53 PUT THE LIGHTS ON ..................................................... 55 APPOINTMENT WAS KEPT UP ......................................... 57 WHY AND HOW .............................................................. 59 TIME AND MEDITATION .................................................. 62 IT IS THERE AND ALSO NOT THERE ................................ 66 SAY SOMETHING NEW ................................................. 67 TRUTH CANNOT BE A PRIVATE COLLECTION ..................... 68 NON-UTILITARIAN SCIENCE ............................................ 69 EFFORTS AND THE DOER ................................................ 70 HEAD AND HEART .......................................................... 72 xvii

SLEEP ........................................................................... 74 WALK-AWAY REALISATION.............................................. 76 MICRO AND MACROCOSM ............................................... 78 SEEING AND MEETING.................................................... 81 BEYOND BODY CONSCIOUSNESS ..................................... 82 LOVE ......................................................................... 84 I AM THAT .................................................................. 85 A MEMOIR ..................................................................... 87

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PREFACE
A true Master does not really feel the necessity to record his teachings because he has no teachings apart from his Life, which is a living example of the ultimate truth. Every breath in his Life pulsates this truth of undivided oneness. Hence, he is unable to abstract something apart and record it as his teachings. We people who are around such Masters have been inundated with their love, which is the living proof of that pristine oneness. But just as we are unprepared in all floods, we are not able to retain even a fragment of this inundation in us. Hence, we need recorded teachings. Swami Atmanishtananda Saraswatiji is one such Master. Nothing could be committed to print as his teachings, which used to unfailingly flower in the daily living situation, while we were around him. His every gesture, why even when he was seated silently, pointed to the state of oneness. Though, it is always unfamiliar, the ultimate truth is very simple. This is the life centre of his daily pointers. He had expressed his preference that Life should be lived, like the flight of a bird. Does it leave behind a path of its flight? But we are trying to plot the path; this rare and magnificent bird flew. The following are some of the recollections of the exposure we had with the perfect one. As they are recollections, should there be any blemishes in them, they belong to us. As the Master used to quite often point out, It is flowing in abundance. Whatever type of vessels you

bring along, only that much you can carry! We fervently hope that ours though tiny one, it is not a leaky vessel. Our humble gratitude and salutations to our beloved Swamiji. Only his grace can enliven this attempt of ours. 29th June 1992 RISHIKESH

TEACHING THE SUBLE TRUTH (ATMA BODH)

Conveying the subtle truth is a very difficult task. It is an extremely responsible act. In this, the teachers role is even more responsible than the student. The teacher has to respond completely and appropriately to the student. He has to watch the student so very deeply, even a word or a mere look from the teacher at the most appropriate moment, would adequately convey and touch the heart of the student. This is much more powerful when compared to endless discourses and volumes of books about Truth. It is counter-productive talking to large groups. Once a teacher accepts someone as his student, then it is a tremendous responsibility for the teacher. This is always done in a very selective and also in a discreet way. The subject is so very delicate. That is the reason, I would gladly accept and make every one as my guru, but I would not accept anyone as my Sishya!

CATS ON THE WALL

You see a row of cats are sitting on the wall. It is very much certain that they will only jump on that side of the wall, where the milk is, but they are all waiting for their keeper to call them, for their meal time. That much is their discipline, due to their domestication. Where their interest is, that is the correct side; still they want someones approval! In like manner, all of you are seated on the wall of indecision. It is quite obvious that all of you want to pursue where your desires would lead you. Why, even now already you are conducted only by your desires. But you are pretending very seriously that you are pursuing, whatever Swamiji has suggested you to do so. You know, unconsciously, what answer you want and I also know very well, seeing your conditions, what is your need. Hence the suggestion I give is already present in you. But you are pleased by my suggestion to you, to act in certain direction. You feel, you have done so only because Swamiji has said so! It gives certain dignity and sanctity to your activity. So, how long you all will remain as cats on the Wall?

ALL ACTIVITIES TO END IN INACTION (Nivrtti ke liye Pravrtti)

What makes us function in our daily life? What is the motive force behind all our activities? Is it not our constant desire to become something, the prime reason? But do we ever really reach fulfilment? So, even at the end of it all, there is only dissatisfaction remaining in us. Have you ever cared to wonder, as to why our plight is such? Though we are full of activities, we are unable to reach the state of contentment. There is never an overflow in us. Why? All our activities are reaction born out of anxiety and insecurity. Hence actually there are no complete actions, so to say in our life. If only, all activities of ours are complete actions (Pravrtti) they will naturally lead us to the perfect state of inaction (Nivrtti). Inaction is not non-action. Reaction is non-action. That is why, however we may be busy in activities, they being incomplete non-actions, they do not satisfy us. The demand for more and the need for repetition stays in us undiminished. So, can we act being fully alert in all our activities, so that they mature and culminate into inactions?

GROWTH, VERTICAL OR HORIZONTAL?

You must know that different sort of growth is possible for a human being. The biological growth with conditioned mentalities is horizontal growth. This is the growth majority of the human beings have gone through in the past, are going through in the present and will go through in the future too! We share this type of growth with animals, insects and plants. But there is another type of growth, which is qualitatively different from horizontal growth. This is vertical growth. This alone can lead an individual to subtle sensitivities; reach him to a state of absolute fearlessness and total freedom. Only by qualifying in vertical growth, the human being fulfils his complete potential. When is an aircraft worthy of its name and make? Not when it moves on the ground. Only when it takes off, it is an aeroplane. Till then, it is like any other vehicle, perhaps a slow one at that. So, there should be a take-off for everyone.

RELATIONSHIP
You talk of relationship as a bondage, which cannot be overcome. First of all, why should you want to overcome relationship? After all, in the creation everything is intimately related to everything else. Whether you are aware of it, sensitive to it or not, is a different question! It is quite clear that what you want to overcome is attachment and not relationship. Attachment to people and possession, seeking emotional security in them and if and when denied of this gratification, the same attachment upturns and shows its counter-part, hatred. This is the source of misery in human life. Even this, try and understand clearly. A mother and father are very much attached to their child. The mother huddles her child in her bosom with a great surge of emotions and attachment. Just watch them as they prepare to go to sleep. They place the child with great care in between them and close their eyes. What happens after a while? In spite of all their attachments, each one the father, the mother and the child - , drift into their own world of not knowing the other. In fact, the most rejuvenating sleep is obtained only when one is unattached to everything, including ones own emotions and memory! Again watch our model family. As they wake up refreshed, immediately on waking they indentify once again with each other and old attachment and gratification begins, from where it left yesterday! Though daily, everyone does go through practically this beautiful experience, least we realise the significant truth in it. That is the only truth there is, to realise 7

in ones life. As a part of creation, you are related to everything else in the universe, but it is foolish to be attached to anything, which includes ones own opinion and pet conclusions. If not, we are bound to suffer. Out of this suffering and ignorance, as to where the real error is, we want to get rid of relationships and at times create new relationships. We want to change or alter the objects of our attachment and security. But however best we may try, we are bound to stay frustrated. So to answer your question, it is attachment which you want to shift and change, but not the relationship. Because you cannot help being related. That is the only state there is!

VIOLENCE IN SILENCE
So, you are quite surprised to hear that there is so much discord in that household? You think, it is a house full of pious people and hence all of them naturally are peaceful. They are all given to meditation and inwardness, so you cannot reconcile to the fact that there can be bitter disagreements between them. Normally, external silence is mistaken for peace. One of the most powerful ways to express ones resentments is through silence. It is even more damaging than verbal duels. If there is no depth in understanding, it is always quite possible that even your silence can contain in it violence. It should not be very difficult to grasp this, because this is what is happening inside everyone. So merely maintaining external silence can not mean that there is peace within. It is quite misleading.

TO LOSE EVERYTHING
What is there after all in Life? It is to lose everything that you have come here. No collection and accumulation is possible. However one may try to gather, he cannot succeed against the Law of life. Each loss is a lesson. If you are intelligent enough to take the hint and learn the lesson, you shall not only not go for fresh accumulation, your old stocks also will soon get lost. Earlier you lose everything that soon you have spared yourself of the frustrations of seeking, accumulation and losing. This is a never ending chain, one leading in to the other. Dont open new files; just dispose off quickly all pending old files, That is enough.

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WE HAVE CREATED EACH OTHER, HAVENT WE ?

Mullah Nasruddin somehow sensed that something was amiss around him. He began to feel constantly, looming threat closing on him. He could not clearly locate the source of this danger but he felt this is no uncertain terms. The fear and the apprehensions of the situation had become overwhelming in him and he was haunted day and night. He could not shake this out of his mind. In fact the more desperately he tried, heavier became the load of fear. Unable to bear this, he started running out of his house. He felt that his own house would be an unsafe place. To hide himself from the impending danger, in the middle of the night, he ran out and took asylum in the burial ground. All along wherever he went, he was hearing the hoof sound of the galloping horse, following him tok tok tok tok. He thought, perhaps this would stop, only if he hides himself in the most unusual place! For a living person hiding in the grave-yard, probably is most unusual. He was willing to do anything to spare himself from the haunting dangers. Mullah ran into the grave-yard and stretched himself out in one of the freshly prepared burial pits. He still heard the hoof sound following.... tok tok tok tok, and suddenly stopping near the pit. Mullah slowly with his pounding heart opened just one of his eyes to see the danger face to face. Mounted on the horses were his friends! They were aghast to see the situation in which Mullah was. Surprise ringing in their 11

tone, they asked aloud across the distance what on earth was Mullah doing in the pit of the grave, stretched out!? Mullah from his lying condition serenely replied. Well, you are where you are, because I am where I am. We have created each other havent we? In ignorance, we run either run towards, or run away from MEN and MATTER. Both these activities create situations for us and others, who are around us. Not knowing the origin of our situations, we vainly all our life struggle to solve them.

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WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Find out, what do you want? Everything is there. What is not there in the world? (Duniya Me Kya Nahi Hai)? You can have whatever you want. Probably, whatever you have now is what you really want. Not knowing this, you are unhappy with what you have and wish you can have something else. What you have, you dont like and something you wish for you dont get. This is your life. Turn all your lifeless wishes into wants. They should be all consuming burning wants, so that you may have anything you want. But you must want it desperately from the bottom of your being. It should fill your whole being completely. Also remember, when you get what you wanted, you must accept it and face that situation without trying to escape from it. Can you do it?

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WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?

You are like children asking the same question again and again in various ways. Each time my answer has been the same. Still you are not able to accept it! Do you know why? The questions you repeatedly ask are not yours. Hence the answers given are not clearing your doubts. You may get very surprised to hear this, but still you have not found your question. The moment you find your question, even a word, or a mere gesture will be a complete answer. The answer will be so complete that you will be left with no further question for the rest of your life. But for that, first you should find your question. Do it.

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SHOOT AT SIGHT
Do you know, right now in front of me, what is there? There is the thought-form of you with spectacles on! (Laughs). So far it is in front of me; I will pay full attention to it and entertain it. But once it leaves from there bye...... bye....... That is all! No retention of it any longer than that moment. Is it possible for you to live this way? As the moment is over, nothing is retained as images and accumulated. You must shoot-at-sight whatever appears in your mind. It is finished then and there without leaving behind any residue.

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SIGNPOST
I cannot really help you. All that can be done to help is to show the direction like a signpost. The journey has to be undertaken by you alone. But it appears that the signpost is pointing in one direction and you are not willing to take that course. To the contrary, you are taking the opposite course, the longest way possible! You should know where your home is but somehow you are taking the longest route possible. In this situation tell me, what is the use of a signpost even?

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GOING TO TEMPLE
So you strongly feel that going to temple is quite unnecessary, is it? Think about it, little more deeply. A person undertakes a very strenuous journey, some time even walking great distances braving the sun, wind and rain to reach the temple of his desire to see the God dwelling in there. After such a journey, he takes a dip in the temple tank or in the river nearby. Then he rushes to the sanctum sanctorum to meet face-to-face his Ishta Devatha. But what happens then? The priest chimes the bell and lights up the Aarati to show him the lord. But the pilgrim folds his hands in a sign of surrender and closes his eyes. Unknowingly, first he only sees with his closed eyes the Universal Being who is residing in him too! So what otherwise he was postponing to see within, the visit to the temple has neatly accomplished. Till he becomes perfectly aware of this simple truth, he has to visit temples. It is indeed good and necessary too! By not going to temple are you fully familiar with this truth of Oneness! Find out for yourself.

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ROOM UPSTAIRS
So, you insist that I should go to Mussoorie, because you have built a cottage there for me? Do you know what everyone has been telling me all along? Swamiji in my house, upstairs, I have a vacant room only for you. Sab Ka ooper wala Kamara Khali hai, Swamiji ke liye! (Roars with laughter, clapping his hands in ecstatic abandon). What am I do with so many empty upstairs rooms!?

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MANIRAM THE VAGABOND

What does Mani Ram do? Daily as he wakes up, immediately he runs outside and engages in many activities and gets entangled in multifarious affairs. At the end of the day, he is dead tired while returning home. As he touches the steps of his home, he immediately falls asleep and becomes unconscious. Next day he wakes up, only to run out again. This is essentially the life of everyone. All of us are Mani Rams. When we are in our respective homes, we are unconscious, otherwise we are scattered outside, in all sorts of pursuits. In spite of having a home each one of us is a vagabond!

19

AWARENESS IS CREATIVE AND CURATIVE

You take your body to be a functioning machine, to be put into use and be utilized to satisfy your inner carvings. You do not realise that your body is the most amazing creation, which is always in tune with everything else in nature. It is so acutely sensitive that nothing really escapes its sensing capability. My body spontaneously responds to the changing tides, the waning and waxing of the moon. Even events in the human world, their thoughts and mental vibrations are sensed and responded to, quite spontaneously. This is empathy not sympathy. You have choked your bodys sensitivities and thus reduced it to a machine. To allow the body to function in its natural sensitivity is the only sensitivity there is. All other so called cultivated sensitivities are only sentimentalities. To be sensitive is to be aware without a choice. Only when the body is kept in this state, it is not a burden on the intelligence that resides in it. For this the interference of thoughts loaded with desire and fear has to go. Hence awareness is not only creative but also curative.

20

HOST AND GHOST

Wanting to be a popular host and enjoy the experience of hosting many people, particularly whom we consider as important, is a common trait with almost all people. The anticipation and excitement involved in wanting to be a popular host has its own side effects. It has a wearing effect resulting in mental and physical fatigue. Wanting to become popular and be acclaimed by others, keeps the person constantly on tenterhooks of expectations. The net result is, the host gets hounded by his own expectations and quite frequently by non-full-fillment of such expectations. This is sure to turn the aspiring host in to a Ghost! Like a ghost he has to guard and live with dead past. Either sulking or cheering the haunting events which are bygone. This is the reason, that it is better to be a guest. I am always a guest wherever I am. Can one be guest in ones own house? Is it very difficult to see the sense in being a guest in ones own house? A guest never assumes any rights and privileges but he is ever thankful for what is offered to him. Can you always be a guest now?

21

SITTING QUIET
What is happening when you are sitting quiet? Is there quietness inside? OR the inner chattering is continuously going on? What happens to the inner chattering? Is it continuously on or there are breaks in between chattering? When does this break happen, by itself or when you suddenly become aware of your chattering? Have you noticed the gap between two thoughts? What happens in that gap? Can this gap be widened? For how long you are aware of this gap? What is the source of the inner chattering? Is it not your oldest habit of feeling apart from the rest, the source of chattering? Constantly seeking fulfilment becomes the source of all thoughts and that is the flow in your mind. Is it not? Find out.

22

GUNA AND TAPASYA

Are you aware that there are three types of Tapasya open to human being? Really speaking, there is no choice. Because are per you innate guna, the appropriate Tapasya would be the most natural opening for you. Tamasic Tapasya is undertaken by beings who are at grosser level of their sensitivities. It is mostly by subjecting the body to strenuous and severe conditions, this Tapasya is accomplished. These types of people can understand spiritual progress only by being able to overcome successfully physical limitations by walking on fire, sitting on thorns, sleeping on ice, undergoing fasting, piercing the body with nails and needles etc. They think, if the body is silenced, only then the mind can be controlled. Rajasic Tapasya is undertaken by beings who are caught in the intricate net of concepts and values. For them, activity is the only sure way of spiritual growth. They lay tremendous emphasis on knowledge accumulated through books. They engage themselves constantly in good deeds, aimed at helping and uplifting their surroundings. In fact, they invariably have no respite from their engagements, so as to turn their attention onto themselves. More active they are, greater they feel the need to act more. They seem to be in the never ending process of desperately acquiring merits and knowledge through their actions. Satvic Tapasya, in this, there is really nothing to be done. Just sit as if one is an utter fool. It is unwinding and unlearning all the while. It is casting away layers of mental

23

conditionings without replacing them with a new set of conditions. It is the state of wonderment and innocence. It is a state of imbecility, from the conventional cultural standpoint. It is living in the world but not of the world. Though it sounds most negative, it is the only positive way. It is not an explosion, it is implosion. Find out now where you are?

24

ARE YOU LIVING WITH TRUTH?

You are under the impression that you are living with Swamiji. Have you ever looked into this assumption of yours? We generally tend to conclude that just because LIFE unfailingly remains in/with us, in our daily living, we always exist with the awareness of LIFE. Is it really so? If we are always aware of the greatness of LIFE, do you think the quality of our living would be, as what it is now? Our childish pursuits, conflicting ambition, strife ridden prejudices, is it possible for them to be present along with awareness of the Truth? Life and Truth are one. To be aware is to be alive with it. There is no gap in between them. If there is, then it is no more awareness but it is only an imagination. When the erratic wind of imagination fills the sails of your life-boat, then you are sure to go adrift from the set course. Desires, fears, emotions, likes and dislikes are the ingredients of imaginations. Not realising this, you claim that you are living with Swamiji. Yes, Swamiji is always present totally, wherever you are. But are you present totally? Only when in each moment you are fully present, you are living with TRUTH, LIFE and SWAMIJI. For, all of them are same, but only different words pointing to the same functioning principle, which is unnameable.

25

HAREKH KUTTE KO ALAG ALAG LATHI

To train different dogs is there need for different types of sticks?! Dogs may differ in their breed and pedigree, but if the type of training to be learnt by them is clearly understood then the trainer would not search for different sticks to make them obey and learn the training. Whereas, at the level of human beings, each one seems to need a different stick. We divide and group ourselves in such a way as though we are all different. We develop various methods and techniques to train our mind, out of its psychological conditioning. Though apparently, the methods adopted seem to be different from each other, are they intrinsically different? All of them, dont they aim to remind us the common ignorance we all suffer from? Ignorance of psychological separation, which is born due to our egoistic Selfconsciousness. Dont they aim to cure the same ailment, our fear of alienation? Why is there so much confusion amongst us, as to which of the method is right? How is that, we see differences between us, where really there are none?

26

FAITH AND UNDERSTANDING

This is our eternal dilemma as to whether we should rely on faith or to arrive at an independent understanding? Our conventional thinking is incapable of resolving this puzzle. For, we normally look upon these two factors as mutually exclusive. That is, if one has faith, then trying to understand may dislodge the faith he has. So, we say, unquestionable faith. In like manner, if one has arrived at an understanding, for him, faith seems to be a regress. So, we say unshakeable understanding. Are they mutually so incompatible? In actuality, they support each other. One has to have faith in that understanding which he has acquired through relentless enquiry. It is not, as if the faith freezes the understanding in a static frame. To the contrary, faith subjects the understanding to the vigorous tests of experience. Only in living situation of life, our understanding is tested. Without faith, our understanding is quite sterile and hollow. The abstract understanding can be enlivened only by faith. It is not faith made of makebelieves, but faith purified by the fire of living experience.

27

FREE WILL AND DESTINY

The other day he had come and sat in front of me. Immediately with a great purpose and urgency he said Swamiji, today I want to decide whether there is free will for a man or he only has to go through his destiny? To begin with, I asked him as to what does he have to say in this regard? He mentioned that, to him it seems that, by and large, it is only the destiny which seems to hold the sway and the free will is almost not there. It was pointed out to him that both free will and destiny are equally valid. The present moment in your life, what it unfolds is the movement of the past, the destiny. Now, whether to react to it or not is in your hand, which is free will. If you react, you only create fresh grounds for destiny in your life. If you do not react to the present, fully understanding the play of destiny and exercise your free will, you do not create a future based on your past, the destiny. How many of us are keen to exercise our free will? In fact, this is choice less awareness! Destiny to be countered by free will. In this, there is no choice at all. But the general state of affairs is that, we are blind enough not to see the weapon of free will, which is lying in us unused.

28

UNDERSTANDING BUT NOT REALIZING

He was staying in that well known ashram for many years. It is a reputed centre for learning Vedanta and Shastras. He has been learning for many years, perhaps for 20 or 25 years. He has been quite addicted to reading and attending classes to listen to the Vedantic lecture. He is quite a serious person, but somehow from all that he has read and heard so far the understanding has not come alive in him. One day he said with a great certainty, Swamiji I am not going to attend classes or read books any more. What is the use of all these years of my reading and hearing? There was a good deal of dispassion in his statement. But the next day he was the first person to go to the lecture hall to occupy first seat there, in the front row! This exercise has been taking place for long time now, but without a change. Is he alone in this sad condition? Most of us are unable to decide fundamentally. Most of our decisions are reactions born out of either frustrations or immature enthusiasm. These are bound to be short lived. We always function from habits. Though we seem to fairly know this condition, we are unable to break the bonds of habit. This we carry into our so called spiritual pursuits too! Why are we the way we are? What is preventing us from changing fundamentally? Why is our hoary past influencing and conditioning our life so strongly? The answers to these questions are not merely enough if we verbally understand them. We should profoundly realize them in us. To realize is just to have simple courage to see unblinkingly, without 29

justifications or condemnations, the ways of ones own thoughts patterns. It is humbly accepting what actually IS. Only this will free us from the pressure of our hoary past.

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TAIL END OF UNDERSTANDING

It is and old time primary school. The teacher has been loudly teaching rather a difficult aspect of the subject. It appeared as though all students were with the teacher, following the lesson. But one boy was rather fascinated by a rat scuttling in and out of its hole. Its movement held the attention of the boy. But at the same time he knew his obligation is to be attentive to the teacher. But normally our interest does not obey the call of duty and obligations. After all explanations were over, the teacher finally asked at random calling the name of this boy, whether everything taught has gone in? The boy absent minded, still absorbed in pranks of the rat said obediently, everything but the tail has gone in. For still the rats tail was sticking out of its home! His reply was faithful to his interest at the same time yielding to his obligations towards his teacher. All of us are like this little boy pulled between our interests and obligations. Only so far they are kept apart, this tussle lasts. The obligations are so perceived, only due to our disinterest to the relevant situations. The moment we understand this clearly our tussle is over. If we comprehend fully the need and relevance of anything, without any struggle our attention naturally moves in the appropriate direction. Any extent of compulsion cannot succeed in creating this situation in us. Instead, without understanding this if we try to sail simultaneously in both the boats, the interest and obligation, we will end up reducing our obligations (However loftier they may be), to the ridiculous state as in the above story.

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Still the tail will be sticking out of our understanding!

32

AWARENESS ELIMINATES REPETITION

He has become, a very successful man, though he has started his life from a very humble condition. He has now become very rich all by his hard-work and intelligence. But he used to admit to me that at times in his career; he had done some unethical things. But whenever it happened so, he seemed to have been acutely in-know of what he is doing without any urge for self-justification. This he said helped him to come out of inner compulsion to commit such deeds again. Yes, whatever comes up in you as thoughts and some of these would get expressed in actions. If only you are fully aware of them, then you can be free from the need to repeat them. You become aware of not only the details of the thoughts but also the breeding ground of these thoughts. Your mentality is seen very clearly by you. The values you pursue, the images you associate yourself with get revealed to you. You would neither justify nor blame yourself for them. But you are fully aware of them. This is the only way to eliminate repetition of mental outbursts in you. Not doing this, if you try to suppress them, not only total suppression is impossible, but suppression would do as much as harm as expressing them.

33

DESIRES ARE UNCONSCIOUS

Long ago there was a Sanyasi of great dispassion living alone on the bank of Ganges. Being a tapasvi he never had any worldly possession. His small needs of food and meagre clothing were provided by a devotee staying not far from where Sanyasi was dwelling. The devotee was repeatedly surprised that in spite of Sanyasi being given a dhoti, he could not retain it with him. Sanyasi always mentioned with detached serenity that the place was infested with rats and they somehow were very fond of his dhoti, which they repeatedly snatched away. Upon hearing the state of affairs, the devotee with concern suggested that the Sanyasi should keep a cat in his kutir to ward off the rodents. The power of reasoning was quite strong so that Sanyasi allowed a cat to be around him. On further visits the devotee was shocked to notice that the cat was starving and had been reduced to skin and bones. His reasoning further leaped and pointed out to Sanyasi the plight of the poor creature, which after all was performing good service to him. Sanyasi was moved to tears and blamed his inattention to the worldly affairs. The devotee said that he will bring a cow which would give milk not only for the poor creature but also it could be useful to the Sanyasi. The tentacles of reasoning and logic are always quite powerful. So a cow was added to the folds of Sanyasi! But looking after a cow and tending it is not an easy task. It was almost a full days chore. Attending to this, Sanyasi could not devote any time and energy to his Sadhana. The devotee was truly pained to see that Sanyasi was hindered in his Tapasya and felt quite guilty about it. Hence his customary 34

reasoning brought in a maid to look after the household, So that Sanyasi can meditate unhindered. Days rolled into months. Sanyasis life was quite pleasant and interesting. Until all of a sudden one day he heard the powerful shrill cry of new born baby. That woke him up from his unconscious surrender to his hidden desires. Tearing the strangle hold of reasoning and practical logic, even forgetting to take his lungote, our Sanyasi ran away in a haste and hurry. Always, desires spring up and get expressed unconsciously. Clearly knowing this is very vital. in us,

35

DROPS THAT SWELL INTO RIVER

Why do you feel so despondent? If you are earnest, you should keep your sincere efforts on, with utmost Subheccha. You need not bother as to when and how the freedom would happen. If you are worried about it, then you can neither be sincere nor be able to put the best efforts. The worry would become a great source of distraction and also a drain on your energy. Dont you know how humble the river is in its originating point? It is just drop by drop the river begins. But these drops are happening without respite and gap. Such a beginning in due course swells into a mighty river. Later even waters from other sources enjoin the river in its course to strengthen it further. In like manner, if you keep your sincere efforts constantly on, the result is bound to happen. There is no escape from it.

36

WISE OR OTHERWISE
Why do you use the word Otherwise, to explain what you have to say? If you know fully well what you have to convey, then you need not labour with so many words. Much of these words I dont even understand, for I really dont have a language! Truth is very simple. Not knowing this, we complicate our life. If you are simple and quiet inside you, your understanding will be quick and direct. Explanations come up only when there is no clarity. The whole heart of the matter is simple and very brief. Either you are wise or otherwise! That is all.

37

ARRANGEMENT OR A CONDITION
Everyone is very eager to raise his or her Kundalini power. And there are so many techniques going around to be picked up. It is quite distressing to see how people are misled. People are impatient and are in a mighty hurry to acquire this, like everything else they have acquired in their life. Is it one such thing? Where is Kundalini Shakti not present, show me? Even a stone is endowed with this energy. Without this primal intelligence energy being present, there can be no creation. All forms of manifestations have in them this energy. It is only by being aware of it, being sensitive to it, one knows it. Kundalini Shakti is not an arrangement, which has to be organised through any external help. It is your natural condition. Hence it is not an arrangement but your living condition. Ye avastha hai, vyevastha nahi hai. When you are extremely sensitive and open, this energy is expressed freely in you, then there is no more You and the Other. It is very serious. It is not a play thing.

38

HIMALAYAN TOOTH POWDER

You want to go to Himalayas? By all means go there as a tourist or pilgrim and get back to your place. If you want to go there forever, find out for yourself, whether you have finished doing everything that you wanted to do here. Patiently find out and do not be in haste. If you rush in this matter and go there without exhausting your stocks, you will end up making, like few Sadhus there, tooth powder to sell. The old inner thrust, unless it is over once and for all, wherever you go, it will be waiting there for you. Already there are too many toothpowder makers in Himalayas. You need not go there to increase their numbers.

39

THE PERFECT DIET

Mullah Nasruddin went to buy a horse, a good one at that. After prolonged negotiations with the horse trader, the bargain was finalised. Like every seller, the horse trader sang in praise of his product. He explained to Mullah the fineness of this creature and as to how he should look after it. Five kilos of fodder and grass have to be given without fail each time, thrice a day. Mullah finally brought home his new acquisition with much pride. But he did not believe the horse trader. He thought that the trader must have definitely exaggerated in his eagerness to sell his product and concluded that he should not go by the horse traders story. I have to find out the fact for myself. I will progressively reduce the feed to arrive at finally as to, what is the perfect diet of the horse. As days rolled by, Mullah with his inborn cleverness was gradually reducing the feed and happy to see each passing day and eagerly awaiting the new day in the enthusiasm of finding out the perfect diet. Whereas the poor creature progressively starved and met its natural end, -death. Mullah was disappointed. He consoled himself by saying before I could find out the perfect diet, the foolish dumb horse has died. What to do? At least I must have better luck next time. Are we not all Mullahs and the physical form we have taken is the horse? Before we could arrive at what is good and correct, the natural end engulfs us. In each such moments we are only left with a hope for better opportunity next time, that is,

40

the next birth. Of course, the next time, if at all there is any such thing!

41

PRACTICE MAKES IT PERFECT

He always used to maintain a sense of sternness around him. One always felt an air of deliberated seriousness in him. He was quite obsessed with reaching the state of Ultimate Freedom. He seemed to sincerely believe that what according to him is the ultimate freedom can only be reached with the help of such sternness and obsession. At any given moment each piece of his conversation reflected this deep rooted belief. Though he was endowed with keen intellect, there was lack of lustre in his inner being. One day, one of his acquaintances went to his place to meet him. The visitor was told that the ardent seeker is in meditation and hence he has to wait. The visitor waited patiently and thus hours passed by. As his forbearance started to wear out, he could not desist taking a peep into the closed room, where the meditation was in progress, without an end in sight! The scene the visitor peeped into sent him reeling into a quandary. He saw our seeker stark naked, pacing up and down in the room. The visitor could not make any sense out of this meditation technique. The curiosity in him was so much aroused that it made him forget the limits of common decency. He loudly knocked on the door and asked what is it the seeker was presently doing? Out came a quick answer. I am practicing to renounce my clothes. This had been the motive force in his seeking. He had been able to understand only to the extent that, by vigorous practise he can reach the natural state. This is the culmination point of ultimate freedom. Over and above, he sincerely believed that the natural state is being without clothes!

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Can practise make it perfect?

43

HELP, WHEN YOU DONT NEED IT

So you want to do social service to uplift and help others? By all means you should do. Go ahead and do it. But remember to ask yourself, whether you are totally free from seeking help from others? Help is not a question pertaining to only material means. Help seeking is a cry of your confused being searching in the outside world, with a hope to find a healing touch. So, if you are still hoping and seeking, then of what help can you be to others? You may give money and food to others, but along with that you will also distribute unknowingly your cry of agony and confusions. It is an unavoidable fact of life. We can only give to others, what we have with us. When you are not peaceful yourself, when you have no joy in your heart, how can you wipe others tears? However you may convince yourself of your do gooder role, you will only create and spread agony and confusion. So, help others only when you do not need it yourself.

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HOLY PRESENCE
It is the story of a village Hakim. He has been a much respected man of the village commanding adoration of everyone there. He was not only the healer of their bodily ailments but also their spiritual guide leading them to the gates of heaven. In this comes a stranger from no-where and starts staying under a tree near the village tank. General curiosity of the villagers, one-by-one was drawn towards the stranger, who was sitting quietly there near the tank. Probably attracted by his peaceful disposition or the strange twinkle in those charming eyes, the entire village started gathering around the stranger. It was also noticed that some of them found even their old ailments disappearing. This put our old Hakim in quandary. If this is allowed to continue, forget about venerable position of being the spiritual guide, even the daily roti will become a question of uncertainty, he thought. Hence by hook or crook he has to put an end to this and outwit the strange intruder. He made an announcement through his able assistant that the stranger has to prove his capability by engaging himself in a debate with the noble and learned Hakim and if he wins in this, which is impossible of course, then Hakim would leave the village and go away. Otherwise, the stranger has to quit. A date was fixed for this important event of the village. On the appointed day most of the villagers including few from the nearby town gathered. While the Hakim was seated with authority and reputation, the stranger was seated on the ground in the front row. When bell rang to announce the commencement of the debate the assembled villagers watched without batting their eyelids in utter silence. 45

The stranger got up quietly and went near the Hakim and after bowing with all humility and respect, he plunked a single strand of hair from Hakims flowing beard. Then he held it near his chest and forehead, he muttered some incantations. Then he tucked the holy strand of hair in his tattered jola and without uttering a word quietly walked out. This action of his appropriately inspired the assembled villagers and each one hurriedly plucked strand after strand of hair from Hakims beard. In fact some of them helped themselves to two or three, for their people at home. Thus our learned Hakim not only became beardless but also the hairs from his otherwise balding head were also denuded. That much for his healing capacity and his holy presence.

46

SWORD EDGE REALIZATION

There was a king who used to visit a Fakir as often as his royal pre-occupations would permit. Each time he visited the Fakir, he was keen to ask him as to what is the nature of knowledge that the Fakir knows and which he did not know. But somehow for some unknown reason, he kept postponing it. One day he decided that not only he will ask the question, but also he would learn that knowledge and then only would he step again in his palace. With such determination, he reached the humble abode of the Fakir. Hearing the king, the Fakir dissuaded him from his decision. He said it was not possible for the king to learn this because he was not really meant for that knowledge. The royal pride of the king got pricked and controlling his anger, he emphatically announced to the Fakir that he has to acquire that knowledge, at any cost. The Fakir relented, but as a last chance to the king he asked the king, if he so desired even now he could change his mind. But it was the kings decision and he was adamant about it. Then it is all right with me, said the Fakir. Now to begin with, you should totally forget that you are the king and now on, you have to exactly do as I say. Remember, if you fail to do so, I will physically hurt you and even take your life. So saying the Fakir locked the king in a cell. He said, once a day, a frugal meal would be given through the small window. The king had to keep awake and keep his mind free of all thoughts. This condition had to be maintained right through the day and night. The wandering of the kings mind would be sensed by Fakir and immediately he would come in and beat him severely with a bamboo staff. 47

The ordeal for the king started. However he tried, the mind was wandering away. All sorts of thoughts and emotions were surging in him. This is the first time he became conscious of the unsteady nature of his mind. As per the agreed rules, the Fakir was beating the king severely, for each such drifting. The king had never been hurt like this before in his life, not even in the battle field because in the battle he was free to hurt and kill others, whereas here for the first time in his life he was completely at the receiving end. With meagre food and constant blows the king was fainting and losing his consciousness. Now the blows were even severe, because the unconscious state is worse than drifting unsteady consciousness. In such terrible conditions he even lost the appetite for the meagre one meal a day. Then came the crucial announcement from the Fakir. He brandished a long, shining, sharp sword to the king and announced. Now tomorrow, instead of the bamboo staff, this sword will be used. And this will be used only once. If you drift, your head will roll on the ground. The king knew very well that the Fakir was dead serious and that no force could stop him from this. Never before in his life, had the king ever faced the fear of death so closely and powerfully as now. As there was no room for any reaction, the awesome power of self annihilation was total and over whelming. Suddenly a great peace descended into the kings consciousness. As the struggling and fighting to escape were totally given up, a shaft of clarity came into him. This calm and quite serenity of struggle free consciousness, he had never known before. He utterly felt at ease in spite of the final threat to his life. Fear dissolved without a trace from his consciousness. The Fakir came running inside singing and dancing in ecstasy. He hugged the king and lifted him bodily, still dancing. The 48

king was amazed. The Fakir still dancing and laughing said that NOW the king has got the knowledge, rather the knowledge has happened in him. From that day, that ease, that calm and peace never left the king. This quality flooded his entire being. He utterly felt in tune with everything else. This is Sword edge realisation!.

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DEATH, THE MOTHER OF ALL FEARS.

Question: For sometimes now, I have kept myself free from occupations of attending office etc. Though I do feel fairly happy, relaxed and content, occasionally gloom and depression take hold of my being. I feel quite heavy in my chest region and also sort of dryness sets in my mouth. To move away from this uncomfortable feeling, I go out for a long walk, alone by myself. May I know what is really happening to me? Swamiji: Why should you go out for a walk? Why dont you stay and watch the very situation, which is so uncomfortable? Are you not trying to escape? Also, even if you try your best, can you totally escape from this? You going out for a walk is but a temporary escape. Is it not? The gloom and depression you talk of are the other names given to fear. Mother of all fears is death. Death of oneself. Whatever the aspect you have strongly identified with, as yourself, the annihilation of those images only give rise to fear. If one can fundamentally understand the error in the built-up of egoistic psychological self-Identification, then the fear of death dissolves forever. In us then there is no more fear of any sort. But it takes courage to face it, without trying to run away from it. Unable to face it, invariably we try to escape. The amazing fact is, whatever we fear the most we strengthen it when each time we try to escape it. Due to habitual escapes, by the time we reach our old age this fear grows in us to a monstrous dimension.

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Understand this; there is nothing else in life.

51

ORGANIZED ACTIVITY IS SELF-CENTRED

All organised activities are self-centred. It is inescapable. That book, which has come about, has nothing to do with me. Life should be lived just like a bird in flight. Does it leave behind any mark of its flight? It flew, that is all. There is no path to follow it. The other birds have to make out their own path. Each bird knows deep within, its own path. It has to discover it, for itself. That is the beauty of life. For this, no organised activity is necessary. Any attempt to organise the flight of a bird is the sure way to cripple it. Not understanding this fact but establishing organisations with a pretention to teach people spiritually realise, becomes only a self-fulfilling activity.

52

MAKING OF AN ASHRAM
We devotees of Swamiji wanted to make an Ashram, so that all of us can live with Swamiji. Like many earlier attempts by many other friends and devotees of Swamiji, this attempt was also discouraged by Him. Then, seeing our enthusiasm, He had asked us to go ahead. Well, that is what we thought at that time. After much scouting, a place was located near the Holy place of Alandi. It is interesting to recall now, that in some of these searching expeditions, Swamiji Himself used to join us. It appeared that everything was progressing in the right direction. The advance payment for the place was paid. The money for re-digging the unused well in the site was also given. It was decided to acquire about 10 acres of land. The plan was that each one of us will take one acre and build a small cottage for himself and collectively make an independent community-centre in their midst where Swamiji would reside. As the matter was getting hot, each of us was only planning first about his own cottage. All of a sudden Swamiji disbanded the entire idea. I still do not fully understand as to why none of us protested and prevailed on Swamiji to go ahead with the plan. TO the contrary, as if we were only waiting for Him to dissolve the plan, we all readily accepted back our share of the contribution collected to fund the plan. Not only that, the money given back had an urgent need, waiting to be used immediately. It looked as though Swamiji knew my personal financial predicament and only to tide over it, he had taken this decision. In this incident, He had very clearly demonstrated to each of us, as to how weak our decisions are. Much later He said, Do 53

you think that I am looking for an Ashram to be made? I am looking for a person who in all true sense can be with me. Thus it came out quite clearly from this incident that all our convictions are mud-horses and paper-tigers. That is how the Ashram was never made.

54

PUT THE LIGHTS ON

Some of us were sitting around Swamiji in His room. The time was past dusk, the darkness was slowly filling the room. All of us were sitting quietly without a word for quite some time. The growing darkness perhaps was adding an extra impact. Just then, one amongst us suddenly got up and switched the light on. Swamiji asked him rather sternly Why do you need light? What is it that you want to see? Being unable to continue to see what is inside, you are eager to have external lights, so as to wander away. Dont you know that what you are unable to bear to see inside you; is the centre which is constantly projecting the world outside? This projection you are keen to see! Do you know why? As you are not aware of the truth, you think what you see outside is independent of what you are inside. So, you start to interact with the outside as though you have to handle them and sort out both men and matter. You foolishly conclude that this is the sole purpose of your life. Thus, all the while you are continuing to give fresh life to the outside world. As the darkness of this ignorance always prevails within, you are restless without external lights. The outside darkness by not allowing you to be in the distracted state perhaps makes you feel your inner darkness. This is disquieting and unnerving. But always remember! Any extent of lighting external world will not solve your problem. To understand Life, you have to understand yourself. For this, put the inner lights on. This is the Light of Awareness and Sensitivity. Watch and know fully what is happening within. To see ones own mental movements without a judgement demands attention and 55

alertness. If you know this happening thoroughly, then there is hardly anything else to expect from outer world.

56

APPOINTMENT WAS KEPT UP

Movements at the elemental level are quite incomprehensible to the everyday human sense perception. We, after all can link-up as cause-and-effect only which are familiar to our gross sensitivity. In like manner, a few years ago, one day Swamiji expressing great anger walked away from one of our friends house. In spite of much pleading on the part of the householder Swamiji could not be prevented. No one could make out as to where He could have gone. Phone calls enquiring His whereabouts were exchanged between us, but of no avail. One of us even went to the Railway station to check-up if He was boarding a north-bound train. But still no clue at all. After such an unsuccessful search, we assembled in the friends house from where Swamiji had gone away. At that time, one of Swamijis long-time friend and a devotees son came there to meet Swamiji. He was to accompany Swamiji to Pune, as per their previous plan. He was to get married soon. Before that he wanted to spend a few days staying with Swamiji. Now he was informed of the latest development. He learnt from us, that none of us have any idea regarding the whereabouts of Swamiji. The young man being a very sincere devotee himself said that he will go to Pune as instructed by Swamiji and stay there, as decided before, even if Swamiji was not there. Some of us, highly cerebral ones like me, felt that his proposed plan of action in the given circumstances was incorrect. But none of our logic-packed talks could dissuade the young mans devoted decision. And he left for Pune.

57

What a surprise, for all of us! Swamiji had already reached Pune and the young man was thrilled to find Him there. Not able to find the bounds of his joy, he stayed with Swamiji. Thus, the appointment was kept up. This incident demonstrated to me that unstained devotion has the living link with TRUTH. Whereas, this seems to be a very rare quality in most of us. Either we are devoted with a selfish motive or we are dry with our intellect working overtime! In both these mental conditions, we block the path that leads us to truth of actuality.

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WHY AND HOW

Swamiji: As long as you have hidden inclinations in you for activities, you will certainly draw up opportunities towards you. It is natures Law, like-attracting-the-like. We are always surprised as to how events happen in our life. It is all what we inwardly want and need. Questioner: I sometimes feel that activities aimed towards spiritual matters would be better than activities which are commercial in nature. Swamiji: All activities, even including the so called Spiritual, will have to compromise and lend themselves to suit the changing demands of the time. A living, which is an endless compromise and readjustments done with the sole aim of continuity, cannot be congenial for an individuals inward growth, be it commercial, social or so-called spiritual activities. After all, what is the nature of people who function in various spiritual Organisations? They are usually dogmatic and are blindly loyal to the central figure of their group. Questioner: If this is so, then how does one realise? What is the way? Swamiji: It has to churn inside constantly. That is Mananam. You have to repeatedly see. Unless you understand Death you cannot understand Life. Till the understanding is not complete, you will have doubts and confusion. Only death can reveal fuller meaning of life. If you avoid understating death, the life will not be comprehended. It will elude you. This is the certainty. Leaving this main issue aside, you joining an Organisation for Spiritual activities, will only enable those Organisations to grow and prosper. 59

Questioner: Swamiji, under the light of death does not our day-to-day living get stripped off its charm? Swamiji: Is human life full of charms, as it is lived now? Even if there are any, are they not all purely self-projected? Is not our living full of strife, anxiety, fear, insecurity, desire, etc.? Are these really charming? Is there ever a moment of clarity and peace in our life? Questioner: Swamiji, why doesnt this fact hit us with full impact and shatter our dreamy living? Even after having read so much on this Subject, after being in personal contact with people like You, still, why it does not happen to us? Swamiji: This is the way Scientists ask; WHY AND HOW? Such questioning can only lead to further investigations but not Realisation. As unwittingly uttered by you earlier, you have taken this as a subject and are reading about it, you are hearing about it. You are still not aflame in Self-enquiry. It has to churn inside constantly. There is no point in asking Why and How. You will never get the Ultimate Answer. The famous author on subject Zen Dr D. T. Suzuki, in those days used to give talks in Madras, where large groups of people used to assemble, with great enthusiasm. The talks which used to commence in the evening, would not end until early morning. Once, someone asked Dr. Suzuki, that after such repeated long discourses and discussions, why there are not conclusions arrived at? Dr. Suzuki used to laugh and reply to that, this is Philosophy, where there is no end and hence no answers as final Conclusions! Discussions and discourses cannot lead one to Realise.

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In fact, Zen had originated from South of India from a place called Kanchipuram. Bodhi Dharma, its originator, was born in an orthodox Brahmin family in Kanchipuram. Once he had clearly understood that the Truth realised by him will not be accepted by his contemporary orthodox society, he went towards North and then to China. It is recorded that the then Emperor of China came up to the border to receive Bodhi Dharma. He was such an odd sight, carrying one of his chappal in one hand and keeping the other on head, the Emperor was quite at a loss to discern anything sensible from this sight. But that night the Emperor was so disturbed that he straight went to Bodhi Dharma. When the latter enquired the reason for such urgency in the middle of night, the Emperor replied, that his mind is very much disturbed. For this Bodhi Dharma replied to Emperor that he should go away now and come back only after two days. The Emperor obeying this direction came back promptly after two days. As he approached Bodhi Dharma, he asked the Emperor whether he had remembered to bring along with him his disturbed mind too! In a sudden flash, realisation dawned in the Emperor. Under his patronage, Bodhi Dharma taught in China and became the first Patriarch of Zen Hierarchy. One of my friends used to say that even Krishnajis (J.Krishnamurti) teaching is actually a local desi stuff but served in the west in the bottle that appeals to their perception. So, all teachings are same. There is no point in trying to think that one is superior to other. It all depends on the way you take it.

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TIME AND MEDITATION

Swamiji: It is meaningless to say that while you are here (indicating in His presence), your understanding and inner vision is wide open and clear but not later, when you move away from here. Also, you cannot say that you have understanding related to certain aspects and not with the rest. Then, it is not actually understanding at all, it is just merely sentiments. If it is truly of understanding, you will see everything from that standpoint. It can never be partial, it is always total. (Looking at us) How far you are continuing your Meditation? Are you spending the time or there is no time to spend? Are you seeing everything, all the hidden things in you, about which you were not aware of before? Do you see them however ugly they are, - your jealousy, anger, fear, etc. In fact, it amounts to a lot of suffering and one has to necessarily go through this. It cannot be avoided. It is actually purifying. Seeing clearly, though painful initially, is the only way. There are no short-cuts here. In fact, there is no path at all. Going through this suffering in itself will give you the appropriate energy to go beyond. Then there will be utter lightness and peace. Questioner: Swamiji, we are continuing our efforts. But there is a tremendous struggle all the while. There is not even a brief moment, when the inner chattering stops. Actually it is always much later, only after I have got involved and gone along a long way with a thought, that I become conscious of it and struggle back to quietness. But, this again only to be lost a moment later. Swamiji: Then you are only spending your time in meditation! (Laughs) Whenever you struggle you are only spending time. 62

Like many other things in your life, you are accustomed to do this way. Struggle means self-consciousness (Ego). Being self-conscious, you can only be full of efforts. All efforts are struggle. At least are you regular in sitting quietly? Questioner: Swamiji, though we are regular, it is extremely discouraging to see our plight of struggling in our so-called meditation. Swamiji: This is one activity, where there can be no one else except you to encourage or discourage. Anyway, what is there to get discouraged? Whatever is happening, that is what you are. Without struggling accept it, see it. The non-acceptance of this gives rise to struggle. This seeing in itself is the encouragement. Then you need not struggle to swim across, the flowing current itself will take you there. Questioner: Swamiji, it is both incredible and amazing to see that while sitting in meditation, end-less mental situations get surfaced continuously in me. They all appear so very authentic and genuine in their contents. Be it fear, anxiety, uncertainty, pleasure or pain. Over and over again, I get involved in them. I am all the time wallowing in them, scheming and planning. Swamiji: This has been our oldest trick. This capacity we have purposely and deliberately developed in us. This has been the survival technique of our EGO, to adapt itself cunningly to suit the changing situations and different moods of the people around us. We have developed these in the form of cultivated mental conditionings and bring out appropriate approach and clever responses etc. But, if you persist earnestly in seeing them, a change would occur. The energy for this has to come only from within you. No outside agency can give you this. If you are totally honest and sincere to the core, where there is 63

no path, an absolutely new way will be seen, so-to-say, even your ticket and seat number would be handed over to you (laughs). It becomes so clear. But you must surrender completely in this mono pursuit of seeing yourself unwaveringly. Questioner (B): Swamiji, I observe that while meditating, in certain moments the breath gets held up. During such moments, it appears that there is inner quietness. Swamiji: No, that is not good. Breath should never get held. You should be just observing your natural breath. If you are fully relaxed without a struggle and observing your breath, it gradually turns subtle and quietness happens It seems Buddha used to say that if one continues to observe ones breath without any thoughts interference for an hour, he can discover Buddha in him. It is so very immediate. The breath should not be held up. It is again out of an old mental habit. The habit of suppression and sudden emotional outbursts. Are you ever totally relaxed? Questioner (B): Never, particularly while meditating there is a tension all over the body. To me it appears that sometimes when I am not particularly doing anything, I am relaxed. Questioner (A): Swamiji, is there a state where there will be no inner chattering? We have come across this fact mentioned about Krishnaji (J. K) that in his usual moment-to-moment everyday life he used to be free of thought. Could this be possible? Swamiji: Yes it can be possible for you also. Whatever you do, while doing it, if you are fully awake and aware of it no thought will ever cross you. After all thoughts belong to past.

64

When there is no Ego, where is the past and where are the thoughts? But you should be fully awake and aware. Questioner (A): But Swamiji, it appears that Krishnaji, during his usual walks or wherever he was, had a tremendous capacity to take note of everything. He was actually simultaneously aware of calling of birds, flowers on the way, the majesty of the mountains, the charm of gurgling brook, gestures and movement of people around him, even a blade of grass on the way....... Swamiji: Yes, that is what I mean by fully awake. There is no past or future to distract, hence full Awareness. Can you ever touch something, say smooth or hard, look at a form or a colour of a flower without your memory coming in between your seeing and the object. Just pure sensing? Only seeing, free from Seer and the Seen? It is great, try yourself, you will discover. (A sudden radiant glow of ecstasy on His face. Long pause. The atmosphere in the room is charged by His Bliss.) Do it, keep doing, do not give up. It is the only WAY.

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IT IS THERE AND ALSO NOT THERE

So, you want to know, is there supernatural necessity for conducting ceremonies and rituals for the departed people? By not conducting them, are the departed ones put into metaphysical difficulties and also by not doing them, would something wrong befall us? The actual situation is, as you believe deep within your mind, so it is. If you fundamentally have no belief in these rituals, good and bad time etc., then it is not there to affect your life. There should not be even trace of doubt about this. But, if one believes that there is such a thing, but not carry out the injunction, then one would be affected. The human mind has tremendous power to actualise whatever it believes deep down in its foundation. So, both are valid. It is there and also it is not there.

66

SAY SOMETHING NEW

All the time you are telling the same old things. In all these years, I am yet to see you ever mention something absolutely new. All that you mention as your problems are very very old and you have been seeking solutions and answers forever. Sometimes the answers might have come your way but you could not identify it. Hence it could not solve your problem. So, you keep on repeating the same. How long would you repeat? Arey! phir woh he puranee bath, naya kuch bolo

67

TRUTH CANNOT BE A PRIVATE COLLECTION

He is a dynamic man, a sharpshooter. Always full of plans and activities. He is also a man of means. In the midst of all these, he is quite keen to understand the truth about life. He has been coming to meet me for some years. He is also keen student of contemporary philosophies and scriptural texts. His long-time desire is to have a cottage built in a hill station and taking retirement from his flourishing enterprise, spend time with Swamiji there and understand the truth. He has discussed this plan of his with much enthusiasm on many occasions. Each time he was dissuaded and made to postpone his plan. One day, he came in with great happiness and announced that the cottage was ready in the nearby hill station. Now, I had to go over there with him. A day was fixed and we drove to his cottage. The place had been made in good taste and in great style. Everything was prearranged with care. As we were just beginning to settle down there, he said unwittingly, Now we both can stay here (Abhi apan dono rahenge). That is indeed the truth! In the most un-guarded moments only, we speak out truth. He had managed to acquire everything and now he wants to include Swamiji also into his successful collections. But remember, his goal is to understand truth! Listening to his truth, I came away barely after a few hours, never to enter that place again.

68

NON-UTILITARIAN SCIENCE
I have been hearing you mentioning so many foreign sounding names, as brilliant brains in many fields of scientific discoveries. Do you know this country has produced such beings who can never even be remotely approached by any of the so-called famous names you had mentioned? There have been capacities in this country, which have discovered and announced some of your latest scientific discoveries, thousands of years ago. They were not only geniuses in their respective fields of research but spiritually also they were very highly evolved Seers. Hence, their findings were existentially experiential not just theoretical as in the modern day science which at best is confirmed only by laboratory experiments. The only big difference is that our ancient Seers were not utilitarian, as it is now in the West and also in the rest of the World. They discovered for the sheer joy of Knowing, and for them, knowing was an integral part of their Spiritual Growth. Their Science was not-utilitarian in nature. Go and find out, perhaps even now such Masters must be there somewhere in this land, unnoticed by anyone.

69

EFFORTS AND THE DOER

What brings in you a sense of mental and physical fatigue coupled with frustration in your daily living? Always you seem to be surprised that however you may exert to the best of your ability, the results are not quite in line with it. This disappointment brings in you anger directed onto the outside world. You all the while feel that the reason for inadequate results for your best efforts is the World outside. So the outside world is considered by you as an impediment which has to be controlled. Likewise everyone is feeling. Did you ever care to wonder why this plight is so universal for us? The secret of this issue is very simple and yet quite subtle. In each and every activity, however small or big it may be, even before taking the first step; we are day-dreaming about the result. This result should not be mis-understood with the physical end products which our activities beget as their logical culmination. The result we are pointing out is mental in nature. The make-up of this result is the images of fulfilment. The eagerness for achieving fulfilment at the end of an activity, as a result, creates in us an unshakable structure of Doer. The Doer hopes to be fulfilled and this is always in the future! But the Doer always stays dissatisfied. So as long as this Doer functions with his doer-ship, frustration is the only fruit for all our efforts. In fact, it is this Doer, who perceives each of his actions as efforts. As long as this feeling of exertion exists in oneself, his doer-ship will stubbornly persist. So, immaterial of the nature of end products, due to this notion of doer-ship, everyone feels that their compensation is inadequate. If you can act free from this doer-ship, you will 70

not make efforts at all! There will only be actions. Only this could bring in fulfilment. This is not at the end of an activity, but while the action is successively unfolding itself in you!

71

HEAD AND HEART

All the while, there is an inner chattering going on in us. There seems to be no respite from this continuous happening. Whether awake or asleep, this is rolling out an endless content. Ones entire energy is pre-occupied in this phenomenon. Every action of ours gets germinated in the soil of chattering. It has become such a deep-rooted feature that it is our nature now! If one can have the inner freedom to watch, the forces of this chattering have something amazing to convey. There seems to be an eternal argument, so-to-say, taking place in us between two forces or entities. On close observation it appears that these forces are reasoning and emotion. These two contestants independently want to monopolise the perception and action of an individual. Dehydrated reasoning and dripping wet emotions, individually in them devoid of each other, is the nature of our imbalance. Reasoning without emotions is lame, and an emotion without reasoning is blind. Thus every such action results without fail into a sense of incompleteness. Until our head and heart, the reasoning and emotions, blend into each other and imparts to its counterpart its absent quality, our response will never be complete. So far this condition prevails, the inner chattering will continue without even a moment of respite. This integration can only happen, if our faculty of attention remains awake and choicelessly be aware of the ongoing conditions in us. Only then complete action can take place. All incomplete actions are after all only reactions. Reactions only result into incompleteness. Incompletely experiencing mind 72

would crave for more and more repetition and thus generate further incomplete actions. This is actually a closed system which will repeat itself endlessly. Only without any choice being aware of this plight is the key to open this enigma. In life, this is the only meaningful learning there is!

73

SLEEP
Do you sleep well, undisturbed? Or, do you dream a lot? Here, in this state a few types of conditions are there. One does not even remember that he has dreamt. One can only recollect some of the dreams and one can recollect many of them. All these conditions are only the many variations of unconsciousness. But, is it possible to be aware as the dream occurs? Yes, for this to take place, one has to begin when one is in the wakeful state. If one is fully aware and fully attentive in his wakeful state of all the responses in his mind, it is possible to naturally extend the same quality into the sleep state too. For such a person, ever aware, in his life there would never be an opportunity to say sorry. For after all, what are dreams? What is the necessity of dream? What is leftover during the wakeful state comes up again for digestion during sleep. But digesting the leftover, particularly with incomplete consciousness is quite difficult! Consciousness has to freely flow. Any incomplete experience is a block leading into accumulation. But Consciousness tries its best to bring it up again and again to its experiential level, so as to dissolve it by fully experiencing. But merely this repeated coming up cannot end it. Only awareness and attention can complete the experience. Any amount of experiences, experienced in whatever level of Consciousness, do not get completed in themselves. This is how the dynamic of Consciousness works. Hence, being fully aware is the only remedy. Only then the arising of dreams naturally stops. Everyone sleeps for 8 to 10 hours each day. Even medical science claims that a healthy person needs 8 hour sleep. It also emphasises that psychologically dreaming is essential. 74

But this is far from true. The reason being, though we put off the light and are in bed for eight hours, we hardly have sound deep sleep for three hours. The rest of the time is spent in trying without success, digesting the leftover experiences! Much of the leftover seeping into our dream consciousness are in fermented condition. The wear and tear of continuous dreaming shows in us by not being mentally fresh and physically alert, even after a good night sleep. We seem to feel that we have not rested enough! Thus unable to handle our moment-to-moment experience, we even assert that abnormal is essential! That is the sort of progress human being has made. We should understand all these factors deeply, with much care.

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WALK-AWAY REALISATION
A rich man used to see a Fakir sitting under a tree. In his daily ride on his horse back, the rich man used to observe the Fakir. Somehow, inexplicably he developed a great liking for him. One day after many such encounters he approached the Fakir and told him that he had been seeing the Fakir for long time staying under the tree without even a roof over his head braving the rain, sun and cold. Now he should come and live with him in his mansion, at least for the approaching winter. The Fakir smiled and immediately got up and rolled his meagre possession and was ready to leave with him. This immediate readiness rather surprised the rich man. Anyway, the Fakir was taken to the mansion and he began to live in royal splendour, as much as the rich man himself, if not more. He wore best clothes, jewels, perfumes, he ate rich food, partook in entrainment of song and dance. He also slept well. He visited pleasure gardens to further amuse himself. Time rolled by. Many seasons changed one after the other. Not even once did the Fakir show any sign of wanting to leave the comforts of riches. The rich man was utterly disappointed. He blamed his foolishness in having hastily admired the Fakir and made such an offer. Now, he did not know as to how to put an end to this. This worried and shattered the peace of the rich man so much that he could not sleep at all. Day and night he was haunted by this awful predicament. One day he could not bear the indulgent way the Fakir is living. He knew he mistook a common beggar for a Fakir. With much anger but still kept under control, he went to the Royal Fakir and asked him, whether there is any difference 76

between him and the Fakir? Now that for so many years the Fakir has been living and enjoying the comforts of riches what is the difference between them? The Fakir smiled. He asked whether he really wanted to know the difference. The rich man was extremely keen to know the difference but within him he was quite sure that the Fakir can show nothing. The Fakir asked the rich man to accompany him and started walking towards the exit of the city. As they reached the outer limits of the city, the rich man asked as to when the Fakir would tell the difference. The Fakir said, there, when they reached the hills beyond the forest, he would show. This way he kept on walking. The rich man was utterly exhausted and pleaded with the Fakir to show him the difference, because he cannot take one more step, for already his feet were cut and bleeding. Fakir smiled once again. He uttered, This is the difference, Now, I can walk away never to return again to the mansion. This inner condition was same, both when I was under the tree receiving sun, rain and cold, also when I was in the mansion enjoying royal comforts. As I could easily take it, with the same ease I can also drop it. This is the only difference there is, he said smilingly. This is the walk-away realisation.

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MICRO AND MACROCOSM

Yes, human being constantly struggles in this unbridgeable divide between me and the rest of the world. It persists for us both physically and psychologically. Each one of us has a strong unshakeable feeling of being separate from everything else. Does such a division really exist? Or, does it only appear to us so? This perceptual error, instead of being corrected, we allow it to grow in us into a formidable dimension. This, it seems we have been doing from the very beginning, if at all there was a beginning. Our life long struggle is to question and understand the world outside of us, both the physical and the psychological world. But, it has been a never ending pursuit. Only sorrow and disappointments are the ultimate yield of this self-appointed task. What is it, that there is outside, that is not there inside? Both in terms of physical and mental spheres, everything we seem to see outside of us, are actually there in us. If one understands oneself fully and fundamentally, both physically and psychologically, then the understanding of the external world is spontaneous. You have sun, moon, stars, why the entire universe is in you, waiting to be discovered. But, for us, all search and discovery is partial. It is always in the outside world. This is the reason, our knowledge remains always incomplete. We are deluded with subject and object division. Hence always we feel that we have to compulsively confront men and matter.

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To comprehend anything to its fundamental truth, the intelligence of understanding should contact directly the object under observation. Only then, the understanding in its elemental simplicity happens. Whereas, such direct contact seldom happens due to our psychological conditioning. We confront everything through our past memory of mental images. What we understand is not the object of our observation but the object vitiated by our prejudices and conclusions. This is how we always understand both the worlds, the outer and inner worlds. Such perverted understanding only strengthens duality. But if one witnesses the inner happenings without a justification and condemnation, it is awaiting there in that moment to reveal that there are no sides at all, inside and outside. It is one Undivided Whole. It is an eternal movement of Conscious Energy spontaneously linked up throughout. All manifestations are only symbols of this substratum of dynamic spontaneity. There is no separation and there has never been one. This is not a romantic concept coined to escape from the reality. On the contrary, habitually seeing with a split of division is a concept, vainly denying the reality of Oneness. Only ignorance of this magnificent yet simple truth has created worlds (Lokas). As many divisions there are, so many worlds appear. So out of delusion, we divide the indivisible. This is the origin of human sorrow. All divisions have, a single common nature, the impermanence. We while living, unaware of this, bring endless sorrow to us. There are no individuals, there is only the INDIVISIBLE! All individuals are but symbols of the INDIVISIBLE.

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So be a witness and realize this beautiful truth. This is the ultimate of aesthetics, a timeless harmonious beauty.

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SEEING AND MEETING

I have been hearing from you in the last so many years that you have gone to see this Spiritual teacher, that Mahatma, one more Seer and a new Realised man etc. It is good to see such people. But, why are you going to see them? Are you just quite curious hence you are visiting them or are you seeking something and hope that you can find it in their presence? What are you searching and seeking? What have you lost and what do you want? Finding clarity in this issue is quite easy and at the same time difficult. This issue is very subtle. For this, you have to be keenly determined and at the same time very open, free from preconceived notions. It is not by seeing them you will find out, that which you are seeking. You have to meet them. Seeing is very ordinary and thus ineffective. But to meet someone totally is a very delicate art. If you are capable of meeting the other person completely, you need not to go to see so many people. One is enough. Even a stone idol in a remote discarded temple is enough! Everything in creation is waiting to meet you, but you see them only casually. But you can also meet them. In fact, you should. That is the only thing to learn in LIFE.

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BEYOND BODY CONSCIOUSNESS

You talk about, going beyond body consciousness. But, do you really understand as to what is it, to go beyond ones body consciousness? Without realising the implications, merely taking about anything is nothing more than gossip done for the purpose of simply feeling high with mental elation. Then what is involved in going beyond body consciousness, or what is being in body consciousness? They are not two different questions, but when the same question is rephrased, they appear to be two. Thus both questions point to the same state of being. If a lump of sugar is kept on your tongue and if it can stay there without getting dissolved, then that state is being beyond body consciousness. Now, what senses the presence of sugar on the tongue? The physical structure or the thought based on the memory of past experiences, of having tasted the sugar. What triggers the gushing secretion of saliva? Is it not the memory aided thought structure, the you and me switches on the glands? So, the body structure, the network of nerves is only a silent partner. The thoughts structure of Me and You is actually the activator of the entire range of cultivated responses. Thus the body consciousness is the sum total of these cultivated responses. Any extent of merely controlling the body or the thought structure, in itself cannot bring about the freedom. Freedomfrom-the-bondage-of-body-consciousness. It is only in fundamentally understanding, once-and-for-all, the intricacy of this subtle network, the freedom happens.

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Till then, everything you talk is sterile and speculative, In fact; to the contrary it would only dangerously strengthen the perceptual ailment.
Note: The following experience, most of us have undergone in our childhood but seldom ponder into it. As children, with sweets tucked in our mouth we have drifted into sleep state. After the sleep when we woke up, we had found the semi dissolved sweet still present in our mouth! When did the saliva stop secreting in our mouth, in spite of the presence of sweet in our mouth? Once sleep took over our consciousness, body consciousness also disappeared and thus the saliva secretion also stopped. Freedom from the sense of bodyconsciousness spontaneously happened. We should turn sensitive to our true state in and beyond the deep sleep condition. The enigma of body consciousness is as simple as that! But realising this TRUTH is indeed a daunting challenge.

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LOVE
What would you know about my love? All of you, everything around, are part of this. The LOVE in here embraces everything without excluding anything. For this, there is no difference between all of you or even an absolute stranger. It treats every one alike and impartially. But, when you are in front of it, it treats you as if you are the only one for it. At that moment it is so. It accepts you completely without any question or reservation. It gives unconditionally. As a comparison, mothers love for her child is given. But this is even deeper and wider than that. A mother can have that love only for her child. That is the difference. So, a mothers love is more an attachment than love. This is the reason; her relationship would bind the child. Whereas in-here, the love would allow you to grow into vastness. From this light, many lights can be lit and be a light unto themselves. LIGHT and LOVE are same. Though two different words, they both denote that undivided pristine purity.

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I AM THAT
When one is quiet inside without a ripple of thought, the subtle Being expands to pervade and envelope everything. In this timelessness, there is only a throbbing, non-detailed cognition. The Energy rises and moves upward. The Energy free of any dissipation, gathers itself. The sustained built-up of Energy reaching its natural critical point, can explode and turn the whole body into a radiant light. In this state, there is only the sense of AM. This is the undivided existence. Only when the person comes out of this state, to the daily verbal Consciousness, he can utter, I AM THAT.

In ME alone everything is born; in ME alone does everything exist and in ME is everything dissolved. I AM, that non-dual ABSOLUTE (Brahman). [Kaivalya Upanishad 1.19]

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A MEMOIR

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A MEMOIR
It is customary for us to say that, it is easier to know a person by the company he keeps. Show me your friends, I shall tell you who you are is the ad-age. We all tend to believe that this notion holds good, encompassing every form of relationship. But, in this respect I am awed by enormity of inexplicability in the relationship that grew between myself and Swamiji. It is normally explained away that we all get the types of relationship that we deserve. I am at a loss to comprehend, how deserved I was to come into the orbit of Swamiji. Looking back retrospectively, in spite of me, this relationship seemed to have survived. The formative years of my life turned me into a sceptical nonconformist. The most predominant expression from me then was a sense of utter disdain on anything that represented orthodoxy. I could only see that fear of selfpreservation and greed for material gains are sole guiding principles behind all religious practices. Also, I witnessed blatant bigotry holding its sway in the so called religious minded people. All these factors coupled with the fact that teeming millions of people world over suffering to meet even their basic needs made me feel repugnant towards all the monstrous systems we have collectively created. Nothing evoked respect from me. In short, I was undergoing nothing short of an inner anarchy. A pall of melancholy was my mental climate. For me, nihilism and existentialism were the only apt explanations for human predicament. For me, all emotions and feelings which are cherished by mankind were looking spurious and hypocritical. In a way, I was a practicing nihilist then.

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It never for once occurred to me then that, though it is essential but not quite enough asking refuting questions only to the world outside. I could not suspect that as the social values and ethical mores are essentially interested in only perpetuating the establishment, my own inner compulsions and psychological urges are equally Self-centred. So, if I doubt the relevance of the values of the society, I have to equally look at my own mental movements with even greater caution and with no temptation for self justification. I could not infer that after all, only individuals like me have collectively created this society. Knowing oneself, understanding the ways of ones own mind, is something human being quite detest. I could not suspect that I myself was a living proof of this. However revolutionarily different I may appear from the society which I am holding in utter contempt and disdain, I am as much Self-Centred and ignorant as the rest of mankind. As me being all the while self-conscious, it divides myself from the rest, and the same factor in others divides them from me. So the whole mankind suffers from the same ailment. Trying to divide which cannot be divided and vainly trying to protect such illusory divisions, this is the ailment. I didnt know this painful truth. Both by being a conformist and by being a non-conformist, we are blindly continuing to play the same horrifying trick on ourselves. I was to realise later that coming upon this irrefutable fact is humility. I could not imagine that such was the decadent state in which I was consuming my life. This had been my inner state, when I met Swamiji. In the beginning whenever I came in contact with Swamiji, there had always been in me an unsettling nervous feeling giving rise to a sort of suffocating uneasiness. This condition used to non-verbally forewarn me of the impending threat to my pet conclusions. I was averse to the very sight of ochre robe. I 88

did not have even a notion that there is a non changing profundity, transcending the din and contradictions of everyday human life. So, it is not entirely incorrect for me to state here that the relationship which, seems to have flourished between us began definitely in spite of my closed mindedness. This uneasiness of mine was further compounded because in the early days of my association with him, Swamiji used to talk least. Sometimes even an entire visit lasting an hour or more may pass of without him uttering a single word. Questions and doubts lashing in me, I used to encounter this vast mind boggling silence. May be this could have been the cause for my uneasiness, in His presence. Then how come, in spite of such unfriendly atmosphere my association with Him took its roots? How is that I did not drop-out, which is my usual response in such situations? The primary decisive lesson seems to have been that, some questions in me have to find their extinction only without finding their answers. With-out the nagging need for an answer, the questions should become redundant in themselves. The questions that well up have to become redundant because they are essentially about make believe and non-existent aspects of LIFE. Unaware of myself, perhaps I was getting acquainted with this quintessential clue, in his presence. This seems to have sustained my relationship with Him. May be a factor in me, which has been hitherto unknown to me, was drawn by the magnetic pull of this vital clue. Perhaps, my nervous uneasiness was the outcome of tussle between surface resistance and sub-terrain inclination of my being. I was lucky. The unknown inclination had prevailed over my everyday haughty resistance. Secondly in full measure, it was for the first time I came faceto-face in Swamiji, the possibility of being beyond all 89

consequences. This somehow exhilarated me, beyond all measures. Before encountering him, for me all situations in life and their consequences have to be grappled with, to ensure ones existence. Sorrow and fear are unavoidable dreaded realities of life. So, constantly one has to doggedly strive to keep the wolves and hawks of sorrow and fear from snatching away the hard won happiness and peace. In short, the other name for life is consequences. This fundamental tenet of my life faced an awesome challenge in the presence of Swamiji. He seemed to silently point out at the abject fallacy of my presumptions. His silence mocked at my sense of security. My scales of success and failure tumbled in His stoic presence. In alert silence, he showed the make-believe nature of my sense of well being. I, for the first time could glimpse that I have been mistaking pleasure and comfort for peace! It made me take notice of the fact that my comfort and pleasure keeps me eternally impoverished. Constant seeking puts me in a continuously wanting state. And to be in a state of wanting is awfully painful. Such painful mental condition turns my sensitivities increasingly dull. Unaware of this, I am always waiting in this state of wanting, hoping to be fulfilled in future. Though all these factors seem clear and easily perceivable and perfectly logical too, somehow in everyday life the understanding of this eludes me. This is my sorrow. Swamijis benign smiles used to silently focus my attention on my condition of, so near yet so far! Theorising but not realising! Yet another significant aspect I experienced in my relationship with Him is as follows: Familiarity is the essence of all human relationship. Long we are related to each other, increasingly more familiar we seem to become of each other. Being familiar brings in a sense of assurance in our relationship. I 90

realised for the first time that, in being related with Swamiji, however hard I may try, it was not possible for me to become familiar with him. Not being familiar, it demanded a high sense of alertness and attentiveness from my part, in His presence. Such repeated exposures unlocked yet another riddle of my life. My eagerness to become familiar with anyone is for the sole reason to gain a sense of assurance in my dealing with that person. This assurance is my security. This can be only secured when the other person is made to behave with me in a predictable pattern. Thus his predictable behaviour can enable me to take him for granted. More I take a person for granted, greater I think I am close and intimate to him. In such intimate relationship, I am neither alert nor attentive to the person I am related to. In short, I am eager to reduce every human being I come in contact with, to a predictable inanimate thing. I am foolish enough not to realise that however I struggle to overpower others, they with their innate living quality would not conform to my expected frame of reference. Thus I can never fully succeed in taking them for granted. In fact, I can see in myself, that I constantly resist others taking me for granted and treating me as a predictable fixed factor. In my utter self-centredness, I am not sensitive to the fact that other people also do not want them to be taken for granted by me! Swamiji, though an embodiment of kindness and compassion, never for once yielded himself to be taken for granted. Though predictability and conformity are the ways of our world, he was an unaffected outsider to this demand. All comparisons are odious. But, in the entire range of love that one is familiar with, Swamijis love for one and all is something to be experienced to believe. In spite of such an unalloyed concern and love, one cannot succeed in spreading the net of intimacy around him. He forever stood out 91

majestically alone like a towering peak, beckoning all of us to transform ourselves.

but

benignly

Next, it has been a firsthand experience for me to witness in him that the equipoise of mind can be independent of ones body conditions. In spite of his vulnerable health, the agility of both body and mind with which he lived every moment was something of a stupendous order. In his very living he adequately communicated non-verbally, as to how much our lives are messed up without this clarity. His austere living had a spell of irresistible charm. I was in fact infatuated by every aspect of Swamiji. His upright personal bearing, the soft smile, the unabashed uproarious laughter, the stunningly grave gaze at nowhere, the fixed stare melting into a fond glance, the simplicity of expression, the unique capacity to hold your interest and attention to those memorable stories and anecdotes he used to regale by narrating them, the sculptured features he was naturally endowed with, the majestic grace of him being seated in deep silence and submerging everything around him in that vast great ocean of silence, in rare moments himself singing those divine haunting melodies. And like these many more. It took many years for me to realise that he was wearing unpressed clothes. I was always impressed by the exquisite manner in which his angavastram used to be draped around his shoulders. His bed always wore a look, as if no one has ever slept on it. He used to appeal to me as a person who is aesthetically complete. Even the way he would handle a book, open an envelope used to appeal to me as living testimony of perfect harmony. Though the room he was usually seated in, used to be bereft of any material opulence, I always felt sitting there, facing a great abudance of everything one can seek. The care with which he had at times cooked food for us 92

and encouraged us to eat to the full, would make the entire motherhood blush with defeat. Though I say this now, once I was guilty of insensitivity and impudence in telling him that I have eaten outside, when he has cooked a full meal and was waiting for us to return, himself not having taken food yet. Still, he endured all my short comings and out of grace and kindness continued to allow me visiting him. The ways he adopted to instil the truth of life were always very powerful. It was in an unsimulated actual situation he would lead us in, to face the truth of ourselves. A classic example of such an event was in connection of making an ashram for all of us to live with Swamiji. The way he stood by us at every stage, outwardly himself not doing a thing but helping us to bring out our hidden aspects to our own full view was a telling experience. Any amount of discourses, discussions would not be effective in driving the message home, in comparison to his way of putting us, On-the-spot! It must be everyones aspiring dream that in their life if only they come in contact with a living Master, they would surely realise the enigma of the Life. In spite of me, I was fortunate enough in meeting one such rare Master. But whether I have unknotted the riddle of my life, is still to be seen. But positively the Master had provided ample opportunities, so as to enable me to gain insight into the core of my life. This sprout of insight would it grow to its full maturity, is something totally left to my earnestness and sincerity. If I lack the sufficient courage and become clay footed, it may wilt away. As Swamiji always used to point out, What for you have come here? It is only to lose, everything that you have come. If I can enduringly see the relevance of losing everything, that will be the growth of insight into its full maturity. Again Swamiji would add. I am like a signpost. The 93

journey has to be undertaken and completed only by you. I cannot succeed in turning a signpost into a crutch or scaffolding. Swamiji gave no room even as a foothold, during his bodily presence amongst us, for such a conversion. And finally, the manner in which Swamiji has shed his body has comprehensively shown that death need not be a fated event in ones life. Once can know death fully, not only in a philosophical way but completely as it happens moment-tomoment. Before this personally I have never known anyone as much fully prepared and also had total control of the situation of the process called dying. As he lived, so he had shed the body away, fully alert and with complete equipoise of BEING. For Swamiji, they have been one unitary happening, living and dying. There could not have been any other more effective way than this, to put across this magnificent truth. Swamiji had completed giving the lesson devoid of any tinge of mysticism in its full course. He had even revised and rerevised them for me. Even now his presence is so very potent. He is ever around to point out the way. As before, in the future too, it is entirely left to my inner resolution. His grace can be encashed only by my one pointed state of attention and awareness. Or the final redemption would occur in spite of me? Let me leave this note at that.

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