October 2013

What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Cable Channel Listing Definitely Not the News The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

Yennys Market Catamaran Beach Bar Loase Resort/Sams Bar Happy Hippo El Carey Syls Place Las Rocas Restaurant Costambar Community Center & Library Supermercado Tropical Big Lees Beach Bar Restaurant Chino The Meeting Place Puerto Plata Beach Resort Beer King Ocean World Marina Los Tres Cocos

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or fries with a national beer special for only RD$375! Or try the tapas menu any day! Puerto Plata Beach Club is the new hangout for expats & upper class locals! Theres a bar, spa, cafeteria, Italian Pizza & Pasta to go, a minimarket & liquor store. Plans for this year include a casino, movie theatre, piano bar, live music & more! Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey Restaurant - where you can enjoy the beach your way!! They have started rebuilding and hope to be open the second week of October!

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at its best! They are celebrating Oktoberfest from Thursday October 24th to Sunday October 27th with beer, bratwursts and bands! Call 809-993-4503 for details. At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. NOW A WIFI ZONE!!! They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors!

Syls Place has Darts every Tuesday night starting at 8pm and Quiz Night with a dinner special every Thursday at 8pm. This month they are celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving on Saturday October 12th reserve early! On Wednesday October 30th they will have a special Halloween Quiz by Ken - for Sams Cafe at Loase will be open again on Tuesday this time only quiz will be on a Wednesday. And then its a Halloween Party/Fundraiser to benefit October 8th but until then you can still visit the the dogs on Thursday October 31st! Good food! Loase Retreat Center for room rentals and Good fun! activities such as racquetball, pickleball and coverage of the U.S. Open. Lets face it - youre Las Rocas by Klaus Restaurant has Oktoberfest dying to know what pickleball is, arent you? on October 18 & 19 with Bavarian food specials and German beer! Open 11am both days for the Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations party. - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Beer King in the Playa Dorada Plaza offers 30 Principal in Cabarete. different beers and sports from all over the world - NFL, NCAA, NBA, NHL, MLB, Premier League, The Meeting Place is on summer hours now. World Cup, Euro Cup and more! Check their website for news on any happenings.

Big Lees Beach Bar on the Malecon has fantastic food at affordable prices! Amazing Fish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummy sandwiches. Every Tuesday, Thursday AND Saturday enjoy a cuba/santo libre for only RD$50 or Jose Cuervo for only RD$100. This month they introduce Banana Smoothies - virgin or spiked with rum or vodka and Mimosas/Bucks Fizz - OJ & Champagne! Great food served from noon until 8pm! The Happy Hippo & Pedros Kitchen offer great food & great fun! Join them on Friday November 1st to celebrate Halloween starting 7pm with makeup artist Irina! Pedro has a special menu every day! Eat in or take out! This month every Saturday and Sunday he has a fried fish & plantain

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Outside England s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were 1.40 for cars and 7 for buses. Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didnt show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoos own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or France or Italy is a man whod apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about 560 per day for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over 7 million pounds and no one even knows his name.

Thursday October 31st Syls Place Fundraiser for November 3 Spay/Neuter Clinic By Animales en Peligro (formerly Amigos De 4 Patas) Prizes for best costumes - top 3! 50/50 draw! Spooky good food! Games! Music! Pet items for sale! No admission - just put on a costme and come join us for a fun & entertaining evening for a great cause!

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On The Malecon, Puerto Plata

OPEN Every Day at 9am BANANA SMOOTHIES - Virgin or with Rum or Vodka CHAMPAGNE & OJ - Mimosa/Bucks Fizz FULL MENU served noon until 8pm

FISH & CHIPS HAMBURGERS AND FRIES

HOT DOGS & SANDWICHES
CUBA/SANTA LIBRES RD$50 JOSE CUERV0 RD$100

Every Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday

Made with the Caribbeans #1 rum - Brugal Anejo or Blanco

From 11am till 8pm Tuesday closed Follow our program on facebook: Sonja Happy Hippo For more info: 829-707-6787

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 1ST

GREAT SPECIALS FROM PEDROS KITCHEN EVERY SATURDAY & SUNDAY!

HALLOWEEN PARTY WITH MAKEUP ARTIST IRINA! STARTS 7PM

Fried Fish with Plantain or Fries And a national beer Only RD$325! Also Available Great Tapas Menu!!!

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COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

NOW A WIFI ZONE!!!!!

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!

FLEA MARKET!!!

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WELCOME TO KEVIN & PATRICIAS EL CAREY Where you can enjoy the beach your way!
We are working very hard on the rebuilding and plan to be open the second week of October! Follow us on Facebook for our progress reports!

Racquetball, handball, wallyball, pool-billiards, All Day Breakfast Big Screen TV for sports, movies and concerts Fish & Chips * Chicken Curry Full Menu * Daily Specialty Smoking and non-smoking areas

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

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An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice -- picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

809-848-9009

(Please note changed to Weds this time only)

SATURDAY OCTOBER 12TH Canadian Thanksgiving Dinner RD$550 (Deposit required) WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 30TH 8PM Halloween Quiz with Ken THURSDAY OCTOBER 31ST 8PM Halloween Party/Fundraiser for the dogs
TUESDAYS 8PM Darts! THURSDAYS 8PM Quiz & Dinner!! CLOSED Saturday, Sunday & Wednesday

Sports Bar -Live

30 Differen

t Beers!!

NFL, NCAA, NBA, NHL, MLB Premier League, World Cup, Euro Cup & MORE!!
Plaza Playa Dorada Shopping Mall 829-428-3267 CLOSED MONDAYS

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Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385 A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there", as he pointed out a distant location. The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on ANY land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear, do you understand???" The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's enormous Santa Gertrudis bull. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that the officer would be gruesomely gored before he reached safety. The man was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs: "Your badge........ show him your BADGE!!"

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 9
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

HALLOWEEN
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a hidden message

APPLES BATS BLACK CAT BROOMSTICK CANDLE CANDY CEMETERY COFFIN

COSTUME DRACULA FRIGHTENING FULL MOON GHOSTS GHOULS GOBLINS GRAVEYARD

JACK O LANTERN MASK MUMMY NIGHT PUMPKIN SCARECROW SCARY SCREAM

SKELETON SKULL SPIDERS TOMBSTONE VAMPIRE WEREWOLF WITCHES ZOMBIE

Across 1. Forceful and extreme 5. Officer 6. Territorial jurisdiction of a bishop 7. Idiom Down 1. Resolved 2. Ancient jar 3. Circus swing 4. Permission

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TEL: 809-970-7194
12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49 CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG 51 56 57 64 66 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85 CINE SPEED ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE CANAL

69 DISCOVERY KIDS

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

A married couple is travelling by car from across the country. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for them to use. "But we didn't use them," the husband said. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00." "That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have." Don't mess with senior citizens..... They didn't get there by being stupid.

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CHARTS AVAILABLE
Get your nautical charts of the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands, Providenciales and Hispaniola From Colin at Luperon Swap Meet Wendys Bar in Luperon Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

If you have difficulty call Colin at 809-449-1819

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Bobbing for apples

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One day, a group of bikers were riding along when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

RD$1230 Includes Dental RD$1480 with Drugs

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155
Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

calle Camino Real #28 2nd Floor Puerto Plata Tel: 809-586-1707 Cell: 809-903-6457
Post Graduate, Biomedical Research S.L., Spain

Full Range of Dental Services Dental Implants * Teeth Whitening * Orthodonitics Preventative & Cosmetic Dental Services
Free Estimates! Reasonable Prices! All Insurances Accepted! English Spoken! Free Parking DJimenez Store! Open Mon-Fri 8am-7pm & Sat 8am-12pm

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Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Jewish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.. After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind. The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired. Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?" Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too."

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SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event of Your Choice With Animation in Various Languages Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs Large screen, LCD monitor & Disco Light 809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028

Several kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them. She asked John what he had done over the weekend? 'I went to visit my Nana'. No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!' She then asked Mitchell what he had done. 'I took a ride on a choo-choo'. She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'. She then asked little Alex what he had done? 'I read a book' he replied. That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?' Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, 'Winnie the SHIT'!

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CMS DEFINITELY NOT THE NEWS!

Because rumour, gossip, hearsay and anecdotes are just sooo much more fun!
REBUILDING BEGINS! El Carey has started to rebuild and hope to be open in October. But what should have just been a roof replacement and some cosmetic work turned into a bureaucratic nightmare. Turismo has insisted they use an architect, raise the floor by 1 metre, build everything in wood and be only about half the original size. So everything cement and tile and still intact had to be destroyed before they could even start. But they are dealing with everything that is being thrown at them and, even though it wont be the same place it was, were sure they will create something great!

SUCH RUBBISH! After reporting the new rates for garbage collection, the latest bills still came in with higher rates. Most people report going into the office and just telling them that will only pay the lower rate and being able to do so. Many are also not pleased with the service being provided by APP.
ARRIBA! ARRIBA! Prices continue to rise. Beer went up recently and depending on where you buy/drink it you will find it anywhere from RD$5-10 more expensive. The five gallon bottle of water has increased at least RD$5. And things in the grocery are creeping up as well. This concerns retailers in the country who are reporting a loss of sales as consumers struggle to afford even the basics. And while the government halted both an increase in the cost of licence stickers and electrical rates, the recent tax increases and devaluation of the peso are taking their toll.

COSTAMBAR TRANSFORMATION! The arrival of shiny new transformers being installed was very exciting. But as the rewiring hits high gear so does the amount of time power is out. We were warned that Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays would be particularly bad as the crews did their work. But sometimes its hard to tell one day from another in terms of crappy power lately. Villas Cofresi has been rewired recently and reports are for the last month they have had 24 hour power. Is this in our future? Dare we be that hopeful? Weve also been told that every household needs to buy a 20 foot long by 2 inch in diameter metal tube to keep wires at regulation height. APC can get a bulk rate (RD$900-1000) on these tubes if enough people order through them.

DOG DAYS! Its been one of the hottest, most humid Septembers anyone can remember. But the end of the month finally brought the blessed relief of the enormous thunderstorm we had all been hoping for. Hopefully the cooler temperatures continue into October.

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VIVERO MAIMON
GREEN THUMB
Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services
Palms, Flowering and Foliage Plants BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!
George Roesch 809-543-8041
OPEN Monday to Friday 8am-5pm Saturday 8am-noon

Km 11 Carretera PP-Imbert Just past The Fish Places

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure. Coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee... The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: "Want coffee." The waiter says "Whoa! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in government: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave sh*t for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

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CLASSIFIEDS
WANTED Heading for the Virgin Islands in November and still need a couple items: Offshore auto-inflatable life vest, 4 to 6 person life raft, 2050 amp battery charger and a hand-held/portable depth finder. Call Stew 849-850-3995 or by emailing firefly.sail@gmail.com FOR SALE #1.GE Electric Clothes dryer (new) including electrical hookup lines. $350.US/14,700RD #2. Vidal Sassoon Blow dryer w/diffuser attachment $15.US 630 RD #3. Conair Curling Wand/Iron $20. US 840 RD #4. White Blanket (still in bag) Queen/King $12. US 500 RD #5 Ikea Bed Ruffle (still in bag) Queen/King $12. US 500 RD #6. Decorative Water Fountain table model in box $12.US 500 RD #7. Golden Yellow Chenille Fabric 9 yards $20. US 850 RD #8. White tablecloth 0x99 (new) $12. US 500 RD #9. Christmas Oneida Lg Bowl & Lg Platter set $30. US 1300 RD Call Annette 809-869-0054 FOR SALE Brand new short dresses ordered from the US, label Hot from Hollywood. Size large and medium. Also brand new bikinis size large. Call 809 988 13 22 FREE TO A GOOD HOME Kittens in good health. Call 809-988-1322 FOR SALE Tools for sale 1) Stanley 24" mobile tool chest- 2000rds 2) Rotozip spiral saw-2800rds 3) Porter Cable double insulated metel cutting shears6800 rds 4) 5 gallon gas cans- 800rds each 5) Dewalt Sawzall-6000rds 6) Milwaukee jig saw- 4000 rds. 7) Delta compound miter chop saw-6000 rds All in great condition call ray @ 809-261-6878 Refrigerator Kenmore Coldspot 16000 rds FOR SALE Flat screen tv LDC 19 inch for pc also 5000 peso Hp printer Desjet D1460 need new cassettes 500 peso PC flat-screen KDS 19 inch 4000 peso call George 8299657542 FOR SALE Inmarsat ISatPhone Pro Satellite telephone, GPS and message capabilities. Unit is in like new condition, in a "Pelican' water proof, shock padded, tough box. Minutes at under U$D a minute, has $28.50 credit at present. Minutes may be purchased in any amount and are valid for years, World wide coverage direct to satellites.Price $550 firm. erisman_J@hotmail.com FOR SALE Tablet computer Google Nexus 7 WiFi, works great, want to buy the new model, $10,000 $ RD John, 809 970 3134

Costambar Community Center & Library Open 9am-5pm Monday-Saturday Located next to the Farmacia Separate English & foreign language book rooms

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

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LAND FOR SALE

Beautiful lot just a couple of minutes from the Star Market in Puerto Plata. 750 square metres, quiet road, nice neighbourhood. Mountain view and harbour views. Spectacular view of the city lights at night.

HOUSE FOR RENT

APARTMENT FOR RENT

Located Cafemba 3 bedroom 3 bathroom Main street Long term rental 24 hour electric, water Swimming pool 1 bdrm Located in Las Rocas, Furnished Cofresi Inverter power Only long term rentals US$600 per month Well water Pool WiFi, Utils included Call 809-993-4503

Contact dr84@hotmail.com 829-906-7012

SOMETHING YOU DIDNT REALIZE ACTUALLY HAD A NAME!

PROPERTY MANAGER
Costambar/Cofresi Area 35 years experience Efficient Reliable Organized Flexible Fees

Call Annette Gambardella 809-869-0054

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CLEAR FIBERGLASS 7 GALLON PROPANE CYLINDER TANK 24 TALL & 12 DIAMETER

Tanks & valves are brand new Made in the USA Always know how much gas you get or have left! Lightweight & rustproof!
ONLY RD$2500 CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

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809-586-4243 www.ppbeachresort.com Email ppbeachclub@gmail.com Twitter: @ppbeachclub

ONLY US$699 PER MONTH!

(One month deposit required)

ATS P X E R O F E C A THE PL co n e l a M e h T n O ta in Puerto Pla ore! M d n a a i r e f et a C a p S r a B

HOTEL SUITES US$96 PER NIGHT UP TO 4 PEOPLE