Same Sex Marriage

An Open Letter to Every Politician in the United States

By Gary Konecky

The issue of same sex marriage is a simple issue. Same sex marriage is about; fairness,
justice, human dignity and respect for that dignity. It is about standing before friends,
family and loved ones and publicly stating your commitment to: love, honor, care for
another human being. It is about having that person, who you love with all your heart;
make that same commitment to you.

It is also about civil rights and legal rights, such as the right to inherit property, the right
to make funeral arrangements for a loved one. It is about the right to visit someone in a
hospital. It is about the right to help make medical decisions about the only person in the
world whose life matters more than your own life.

We have a word for that commitment, the word is marriage, not civil union, not domestic
partnership; only one word means all this and that word is marriage. We have only one
word for that one special person in our lives and that word is spouse. No other word
comes close, not domestic partner, not significant other, not any other term.

Our laws are written using the terms marriage and spouse. The many contracts we enter
into during our lives, including but not limited to employment contracts, are written using
the terms marriage and spouse. Our relationships are defined using the terms marriage
and spouse.

Civil union is not the same as marriage. Civil union is well intentioned, but despite its
intentions, it is an insult. Civil union and domestic partnership say that the state does not
recognize our same sex loving relations as being equal to those of heterosexuals.
Because our relationships are not equal, we are not equal. This is an insult to every gay
man and lesbian in this state.

For you the issue is moral courage, the challenge to do the right thing in the face of
uncertain consequences. Organized religion cannot help guide you. The Unitarian
Church, the United Church of Christ, the Episcopal Church, the Reform and
Reconstructist branches of Judaism, and many other religions and religious leaders
support same sex marriage. On the other side, there are vocal religions leaders who
oppose same sex civil marriage. Therefore, religion does not have an unequivocal
viewpoint that can guide you.

The proposed law allowing all loving adult couples to marry does not require any
religion, and does not require any religious leader, to act against his or her or their
understanding of G-d’s will. It merely grants the option of marrying to all those adult
couples who wish to do so. Nobody is being forced to do anything.
Furthermore, one’s marriage is diminished if another loving couple is granted the right to
marry. There is no limit to the number of marriages that can be performed, so that and if
a same sex couple gets one then a heterosexual couple cannot. Mr. And Mrs. Smith’s
marriage is not threatened, nor is it diminished, if Mr. and Mrs. Jones get married, so how
can their marriage be hurt if Mr. and Mr. Jones get married?

I call upon you to show moral courage, to stand for fairness and justice, to stand for
equality under the law. I call upon you to live up to the idea this country is founded upon,
the idea “that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with
certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of
Happiness.”