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MARRIAGEASASPIRITUALCOVENANT

RevisedandadaptedfromDr.ClarkWarrensTheTriumphantMarriageand BillGothardsTheTrueSignificanceoftheWeddingCovenant. SetmeasasealuponthyheartSongofSolomon8:6

Introduction: Refreshing&instillingmaritalcommitment A.Wehavenotenteredintoamarriagecontractbutamarriagecovenant! (Mal2:14,Prov2:16f) B.Whatexactlyisacovenant? 1.AHebrewword:Inthesenseofcutting;acompactmadebypassingbetween piecesofflesh 2.ExamplesarefoundinGen15:910,1718andJer34:13,18 C.Ourforefathersbeganmanyweddingtraditionsandunderstoodthiswell.Over time,theoriginalmeaningshavebeenlost. 1.TheTrueSignificanceoftheWeddingCovenantbookletopenedmyeyes. ($2fromIBLPPublicationsOffice,Box1,OakBrookIll605223001)Fascinating! 2.Onecovenantsymbol:thedifferentaislesforthebrideorgroomtomake his/herwaytothealtartoexchangevows(learntheoriginalpurposeandmore exampleslater!) D.Amarriageissacred.Itisspiritualheavenly.(Matt19:6) 1.Aholytriunenotahumanduet!! 2.Ifyoubreakyourvowtoyourmate,youmaystillhavetokeep yourvowtoGod(untildeathdoyoupartnotuntildivorcedoyoupart). 3.Itisasnaretoamantosayrashly,Itisholyandthentolatermakeinquiry. Prov20:25(ofalldivorcesin1997occurredwithinthefirsttwoyears!) 4.Thedifferencebetweenacovenantandacontract: a.Acovenantisbasedontrustacontractondistrust! b.Acovenantisbasedonunlimitedresponsibilityacontracton limitedliability. Illustration:GodspromisetoAbrahamandallHewentthroughtokeep HisWorddemonstrateunlimitedresponsibility.Justasthetraditional wordsforbetterorforworse,forricherorpoorer,insicknessandin health. c.Acovenantislifelongandnottobebrokenacontractcanbe voidedbymutualconsent. Illustration:TherainbowintheskyremindseveryonethatGodspromise hasnostatuteoflimitations. I.COVENANTSYMBOLISMINTHEWEDDINGCEREMONY A.Thegroomentersfirstwhy?Heistheinitiatorofthecovenant. B.Thefatherwalksthebridedowntheaislewhy? 1.Theparentsareanimportantpartoftheceremony.

2.Thefathersdutyistopresenthisdaughterasapuregift.(Deut22:1321) 3.Thewhitedresssymbolizespurity. C.Thefathergivesthebrideawaytoshowthefullblessingoftheparents.Thisisthe formaltransferofauthorityfromthefathertothegroomafterhehasaskedforthe daughtershandinmarriage.(Num30:48). D.Theringisatokenofthecovenant. E.Thecoupleisintroducedtoestablishthechangingofnames. 1.Illustration:AbramsnamewaschangedtoAbraham. 2.SpirituallywewearthenewnameofChristianonceweenterintoa covenantrelationshipwithGoduponbaptism. F.Whatisthesignificanceoftheguestbook? 1.Itshouldbesignedafternotbefore.Itindicatestherearewitnessestothe covenantwhohaveavestedinterestinsupportingthemarriage. 2.TheArmenianshavealowdivorcerate.Whenacouplegetsintrouble,the godparentsmoveinuntiltheygetitsettled! G.Whatisthepurposeofthereceivingline?Togiveablessingtothecoupleasin Ruth4:11,14f. H.Thefoodatthereceptionisforthecovenantcelebration.Thisisverysimilartothe Lordssupper. I.Thecouplefeedseachothercakeandtheybecomeonefleshintheeatingofthe cake,justaswebecomeoneintheeatingofthebread.(ICor11:24f)

II.DOWEHAVEAPROBLEMWITHKEEPINGVOWS&COMMITMENTSTODAY? A.Alaxattitudeingeneralmakesthetakingofourvowsseriouslydifficult. 1.RonaldReaganin1981firedtheairtrafficcontrollersbecausetheybrokea contractualagreement.Doubtfulthatwouldhappentoday. 2.Duringtherevolutionarywarbothsidesrespectedvowssomuchthatthey avoidedtakingprisoners.Insteadtheysimplymadethempromisetheywould notreturntofightagain.Iftheyviolatedtheirhonoranddidso,thentheywere executed. B.Examinethesescripturesthatapplytothetakingofvows: 1.Ecc5:27 2.Ps15:4b(Ziondwellerswearstohisownhurtandchangesnot!!!) 3.Num30:2 4ISam1:1121(Hannahsvow) 5.Josh9:1620 6.Matt12:36f(Jesus) C.Commitment:thecornerstoneofatriumphantmarriage! 1.Considerthefollowingquoteaboutthenatureofcommitment: COMMITMENT...iswhattransformsapromiseintoreality.Itisthewordsthatspeak boldlyofyourintentions.Itistheactionsthatspeaklouderthanwords.Itismakingthe timewhenthereisnone,comingthroughtimeaftertime,yearafteryear. Commitmentisthestuffcharacterismadeof,thepowertochangethefaceofthings. Itisthedailytriumphofintegrityoverskepticism.

2.Marriagedemandstoughness,andtoughnessproceedsoutofcommitment. Nomarriagewilleverbestrongerthanthecommitmentsthatserveasits infrastructure. D.Weaskcouplestosaysomehardhitting,heavydutyvowsbeforetheygetmarried. Sowheredowegowrong? 1.Arevowstreatedsuperficiallywiththepreacherlefttoperformthe ceremony?Thecoupleissonervoustheyhardlythinkaboutorrealizethe significance. a.Iencouragecouplestowritetheirownvowsandweddingceremony. b.Suggestion:Savetheceremonyandgooverit...atleastonce ayearonyourweddinganniversary. 2.Itisimportantthatwhatyouhavevowedtoeachotherbekeptcurrent andfresh!Itissoeasytoforget. E.Whatmattersisyourcurrentlevelofcommitment 1.Often,thevowsseemlessvitalandarelesspassionatelyheldastimepasses. 2.Sadly,manyonlyvaguelyrememberwhattheysaid. 3.Thecommitmentshouldbeactivenotpassive!! Illustration:Onemaystayinamarriagebybeingpassive.S/he doesntleave,butdoesntdoanythingtomakethemarriagebetter either.Dontforgetthepositive,radicalpartofactivecommitment. III.WENEEDTHOROUGH,INSIGHTFULUNDERSTANDINGOFMARITALPROMISES A.Weneedapromiseorientationthatishighlyenlightened. B.Thetraditionalvowshave6separateparts: 1.Iwillloveyouaslongaswebothlive(kindness,sacrifice) 2.Iwillcherishandhonoryouaslongaswebothlive(thoughtfulness, attentiveness) 3.Iwillbetoyouwhatahusbandorwifeowestoaspouse(dedication todoingmypartandmeetingtheothersneeds) 4.Iwilltakeyouasyouare(acceptance) 5.Iwillforsakeallothers(faithfulness!!) 6.Iwilldoallthesethingsforbetterorworse,insicknessandinhealth (unconditionallyserveandstaywithyouforaslongwelive) C.WOW!Whatdoesthatmean,practicallyspeaking?? 1.Ifwedisagree,frustrate,disappoint,orhurteachother....? 2.IfIthinkIdontgetwhatIdeserve...? 3.IfIexpresshowIfeel,regardlessofhardship...?Iwillkeepmyvows! D.Now,REHEARSETHEPROMISESuntiltheyareBURNEDINTOOURBRAINS. 1.Marriagevowsareusuallyspokenasingletime,thustheyhaveverylittle valueinamaritalcrisis. 2.Dr.ClarkWarren,authorofTheTriumphantMarriage,suggestsachangein frequencyofthemarriagevows. a.Insteadofonceinalifetime,2or3timesaweekforthefirst10years, andatleastonceaweekfortherestofthemarriage. b.Verbalizedregularlyoveralongperiodoftimefortremendouspower!!

c.HOW?Findawaythatisnatural,meaningful,andevenfun! BECREATIVE!! 3.Whataboutyou? a.Themoreyoucanfindnewandcreativewaystoaffirmthe commitmentthebetter. b.Reciteitoverandoversothatwhentroublescomethebrainwill triggernewideasonhowtofulfillthesevows!! CONCLUSION: A.Doyourhomework!Writeyourownconcisesummaryofyourvows. B.Yourmarriagewillbenefitdramaticallyfromasimpleexercisedesignedtohelpboth partnersclarifyandarticulatepromises. HereisasampleofwhatGailandIcameupwithafterlookingoverouroriginalceremonyand thinkingaboutthebasic,mostimportantneedsthatweeachshare. IPROMISE... (ArenewalofourvowsfromBrenttoGail) IpromiseIwilldoeverythinginmypowertohelpyougettoheaven, toacceptyou,andtoremainloyaltoyoualways. IpromisetoputyouandourmarriagesecondonlytoGodandtobeopen andhonestwithyoualwaysaswestriveforoneness. IpromiseIwillcherish,honor,andsupportyouingoodtimesandbad andstrivetoloveyouselflessly,likeChristlovesthechurch,asI meetyourdeepestneeds. Ipromisetopilot,provide,andprotectyouandourfamilyandtodothesethings unconditionallyuntildeathdouspartsohelpmeGod!! IPROMISE... (ArenewalofvowsfromGailtoBrent) IpromiseIwilldoeverythinginmypowertohelpyougettoheaven, toacceptyou,andtoremainloyaltoyoualways. IpromisetoputyouandourmarriagesecondonlytoGodandtobeopen andhonestwithyoualwaysaswestriveforoneness. Ipromisetoadmire,honor,andobeyyouingoodtimesandbad andstrivetobeanexcellentkeeperathomeandbesensitivetoyourdeepestneeds. Ipromisetoloveyouandtodoallthesethings unconditionallyuntildeathdouspartsohelpmeGod!! (BasedonthefactthatGodhasprovideduswithrolebasedrelationships,Isuggestyouhave differentvowswhichfocusinoneachrole.ForhelplookatthehandoutofscripturesIhave providedforyouentitledTheMostImportantWordsaboutHusbandandWife.)

RefreshingandReinstillingMaritalCommitment
(CommitmentandVowsinMarriage) WORKSHOPWORKSHEET: STEPSTORECONSTRUCTANDREFRESHYOURVOWS (Yourmarriagewillbenefitdramaticallyfromthissimpleexercisedesignedtohelpbothofyou clarifyandarticulatethepromisesyouhavemadetoeachother.) 1. What do you remember most about your wedding vows from memory? Quickly brainstorm togetheronaseparatesheetofpaperandseewhatyoucanpiecetogether. 2. What vows have you heard said by others that you liked? Reflect upon what you have come tounderstandasvitallyimportanttoyouandyourmarriagesinceyourweddingdaythatcould be added to a new, updated set of vows that you decide to commit to each other. Brainstorm together.Askyourmateforideasastowhatisimportanttohimorher. 3.Lookoverthe6partslistedonthehandoutforthetraditionalmarriagevowsandusethisasa guide to help you reconstruct your vows. Can you put them in your own words that will have specialmeaningtoyou? 4. Given the different roles that God gives the man and the woman in marriage, look over the handout The Most Important Words about Husband and Wife. Select from the scriptures some key concepts that reflect your unique roles that God would have you to commit to each other. 5. Condense all this into a brief list that you can both memorize and say to each other on a regular basis!! Periodic rewrites of the commitment statement will make it stronger and more meaningful. Congratulationsyouhavedoneit! Nowwriteitoutonacard,commitittomemory,andsayittoeachotherregularly. Youwillcraveandenjoyhearingyourmatetalkaboutthespecialkindofloveyouboth shareasyourepeatyourpromisestoeachother.Andletthekidsoverhearyousayit orsayitinfrontofthemitwillteachthemvaluablelessonsaboutmarriage!!

TheMostImportantWordsAbout

Husband&Wife
AsthereforeGodspickedrepresentatives,purifiedandbeloved,putonthat nature whichis merciful in action, kindly in heart, humble in mind. Accept life, and be most patient and tolerant with one another, always ready to forgive if you have a difference with anyone. Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And, above everything else, be truly loving, for love binds all the virtues together in perfection. Let the peace of Christ guide all your decisions, for you were called to live as one, united body;andalwaysbethankful.LetthefullrichnessofChriststeachingfindahomeamongyou... ~Colossians3:1216a(Phillips) Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath [passion, rage, bad temper] and resentment [anger, animosity] and quarreling [brawling, clamor, contention] and slander [evil speaking, abusive, and blasphemouslanguage]bebanishedfromyou,withallmalice[spite,illwill,orbasenessofanykind]. ~Ephesians4:31(Amplified) Wherefore,acceptoneanother,justasChristalsoacceptedustothegloryofGod. ~Romans15:7(NewAmericanStandard) Be subject to one another [fit in with each other] out of reverence for Christ...You WIVES must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord, for the husband is the headofthewifeinthesamewaythatChrististheheadofthechurchandsaviortothebody.Thewilling subjection of the church to Christ should be reproduced in the submission of wives to their husbands in everything. ~Ephesians5:21(Amplified) Inasimilarwayyouwivesshouldbesubmissivetoyourownhusbands,sothatifanyofthemwillnotbe persuaded by the message, they may without message be won over by the conduct of their wives, as theyobserveyourchasteandrespectfulbehavior. ~1Peter3:1,2(NewBerkeley) ***** ...Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regards him, honorshim,prefershim,venerateshimandesteemshim;andthatshedeferstohim,praiseshim,and lovesandadmireshimexceedingly. ~Ephesians5:33(Amplified)

For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall becomeoneflesh. ~Gen.2:24(NewAmericanStandard) Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no manseparate. ~Matthew19:6(NewAmericanStandard) Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. ForIhatedivorce,saystheLord... ~Malachi2:15b,16a(NewAmericanStandard) The HUSBAND must give his wife the same sort of love that Christ gave to the church, when He sacrificed Himself for her...So men ought to give their wives the love they naturally have for their own bodies.Theloveamangiveshiswifeistheextendingofhisloveforhimselftoenfoldher.Nobodyever hatedhisownbody;hefeedsitandlooksafterit. ~Ephesians5:25,2829a(Phillips) ...Leteachmanofyou[withoutexception]lovehiswife[asbeinginasense]hisveryownself. ~Ephesians5:33a(Amplified) Husbands, love your wives be affectionate and sympathetic with them and do not be harsh or bitterorresentfultowardthem. ~Colossians3:19(Amplified) ...Youhusbandsneedtoliveunderstandinglywithyourwivesaswithaweakervessel,renderingthem honorasjointheirswithyouofthegraceoflife,sothatyourprayingmaynotbehindered. ~1Peter3:7(NewBerkeley)

Dotwowalktogether,exceptthey...haveagreed? Amos3:3(Amplified) Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls,theonewillliftuphiscompanion.Butwoetotheonewhofallswhenthereisnotanotherto lifthimup. ~Ecclesiastes4:910(NewAmericanStandard) So let us then definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes for harmony and for mutual upbuilding[edificationanddevelopment]ofoneanother. ~Romans14:19(Amplified) ...Being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard the other as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests,butalsofortheinterestsofothers. ~Philippians2:24(NewAmericanStandard) Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy; it is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited, arrogant and inflated with pride; it is not rude [unmannerly], and does not act unbecomingly. Love [Gods love in us] does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not selfseeking. It is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done toitpaysnoattentiontoasufferedwrong.Itdoesnotrejoiceatinjusticeandunrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances,anditendureseverything[withoutweakening].Loveneverfailsneverfades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end... And so faith, hope, love abide; [faith, conviction, and belief respecting mans relation to God and divine things; hope, joyful and confident expectation or eternal salvation; love, true affection for God and man, growing out of Gods love forusandinus],thesethree,butthegreatestoftheseislove. ~1Corinthians13:48a,13(Amplified) Whether,then,youeatordrinkorwhateveryoudo,doalltothegloryofGod.

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