HOWTOGIVEANDRECEIVE CONSTRUCTIVECRITICISM

Introduction A. Firstbeholdthebeaminyoureye...Matt7:15 B. However,oneisnottodealwithoneselfalone. 1. Faithfularethewoundsofafriend.Prov27:6 2. Admonishoneanother.Rom15:14 3. Silencemaybegoldenbutsometimesitisjustplainyellow! 4. Theoldadage,Ifyoudonthaveanythinggoodtosay,dontsayanythingatall, isnottrue.Sometimesittakescouragetowarnortoinstructapersonsos/heis builtupspiritually.Itmaybewhatissorelyneeded. I.BIBLICALINSTRUCTIONS A. Prov12:1Hethathatesreproofisstupid! B. Prov12:15 Hethathearkethuntocounseliswise. C. Prov3:11Dontrefusecriticism. D. Prov13:18Ifyourefusecriticism,youwillendindisgrace. E. Prov25:12Hewearsabadgeofhonorwhoacceptsreproof. F. Eph4:15Speakthetruthinlove.

ALLOFUSAREIMPERFECT&NEEDHELP! THISISTRUEOFEVERYRELATIONSHIP. Weallhaveroomtogrow!

1. Husbands&wives,parents&children,etc.needhelpfromoneanother. Wetendtoshunit,butweneedit! 2. Haveyouevertriedtoproofreadyourownwork? 3. Weallneedhelpfromotherswhoperiodicallyshedlightonourblindspots. Prov16:2Selfdeceptionistheworstkind.

Theproblemisnotcriticismbutdestructivecriticism.Toooftenwedontknowhowtodo itrightsoweavoiditalltogether.

WE MUST BUILD UP & NOT TEAR DOWN!

II. HOWTOGIVECRITICISMCONSTRUCTIVELY A. Chooseyoursettingcarefullytimingiseverything! 1. Dosoafteramealandnotwhenyourehungry. Ex.Esthergavetwobanquetsbeforesheapproachedtheking. Afterwards,shegotwhatshedesired. 2. Criticizeinprivatepraiseinpublic! 3. Considerthefeelingsoftheotherperson. a.Howdoyoufindoutwhenitisokay? b.Ask!Honey,doyoumindmesharingaconstructivesuggestionwith youtonight?S/hewilleithersayyesorno.Ifno,usuallycuriosity willcauseyourspousetoaskaboutitlater.Thens/hewillbementally preparedandlessdefensive.Doesntthatmakesense? 4. Mostpeoplewanttobehelpedanddesirehonestyintherelationshipiftheyare justapproachedintherightway. 5. However,Amanconvincedofhiswillisofthesameopinionstill!

DON'T SHARE UNTIL YOU ARE SURE THE OTHER PARTY IS EMOTIONALLY READY
B. Dontgiveanoverdose! 1. Onecommonfailureistopouriton!(...Andanotherthing,andanotherthing,etc.) 2. HagartheHorriblegetspermissionandthensays,Bettersitdownandget comfortable. 3. Mostdontrealizehowcriticaltheyhavebecome...LISTENtoyourself.(Prov17:9) WARNING: OVERDOSINGKILLSTHEMOTIVATIONTOCHANGE! SUGGESTION: ONLYONECRITICISMAWEEK!!! (Thatoughttobeenoughthats52ayear!)

 GOONA24HOURCRITICISMFAST! (Seeattachedhandout) 4. Challenge:Makeiteasy!Askforitperiodically. C. Couplecriticismwithcompliments 1. Noticetheratio:3complimentsto1criticism(JohnsexampleinRev2:14) 2. Thebitterpillofcriticismcanbeswallowedmucheasieriffirstsugarcoatedwith themedicineofsincerepraise. 3. MaryPoppinssays:Justaspoonfullofsugarhelpsthemedicinegodown!

III.HOWTORECEIVECRITICISMCONSTRUCTIVELY A. RecognizethehandofGOD!Rom8:28(GODwantstousethisformygood.) B. LetyourfirstwordsbeThankyou!IThess5:18Ineverythinggivethanks. Threereasons: 1.Hesaidittoyourfacenotbehindyourback. 2.Ifitistrue,youneedtochangeandnowyoucangrow. 3.Ifitisfalse,itgivesyouopportunitytocorrectthemisunderstanding. C. Alwaysask: WhatcanIlearnfromcriticism? Notallarevalid.Butwecanstilllearnsomethingfromallkindsofcriticism. 1. Thentakeactionifpossible.Youcantdowhateveryonesays! Ex.Mydaughterwantedmetotripleherallowancenotagoodidea. 2. Workwiththereasonablerequestsforsmallthingsasmuchaspossible. D. Nevergivethesamecriticismtwoweeksinarow.Givetheotherpartyatleasta monthbeforeyoubringupthesamethingagain.

IV.WHATABOUTTHETHINGSTHATWONTCHANGE? A. Lovecoversamultitudeofsins.IPeter4:8 LOVEACCEPTSMANYIMPERFECTIONS! Somethingsyouwillneedtoaccept 1. Otherwise,angerturnsinwardandbecomesbitternessanddepression. 2. SaytheSerenityPrayer! GodgrantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange,thecouragetochangethe thingsIcan,andthewisdomtoknowthedifference! 3. ItistoHisglorytopassoveratransgressionandseeklove.Prov18:11 THECONCLUSION:

Don't mind criticism If it is not true, disregard it. If it is unfair, keep from irritation. If it is ignorant, smile. If it is justified, learn from it!

TAKETHECRITICISMPLEDGE &TRYAUNIQUEFAST

We live in a negative world! We are all bombarded with criticism constantly. Why not allow your home to be a refuge from criticism? Think of your mate as a haven, a peacefulretreat,theeverquieteyeofthehurricane. Research has found that the significant decreasing of criticism and negative comments from our family relationships is even more important than learning to express love positively. Small wonder Paul stresses we are to dwell on the positive! Whatsoever is true,honorable,just,pure,lovelyandofgoodreport,iftherebeanyvirtue,andiftherebeanypraise, dwell on these things Phil 4:8. One of the reasons this is so important isthat it takesa great many positive strokes to make up for even one critical comment. So, keep criticisms to a minimumandexpressthemonlyifyoufeelitisreallynecessary.Bequicktohear,slowto speak,andslowtowrathJas1:19. Trypromisingyourmateyouwillneversayacriticalwordabouthimorher,make him\her the brunt of jokes, nor in any way speak unkindly of the other or betray your relationship,andaskyourpartnertodothesame! ThinkaboutitWhatconfidenceitgivesawomantoknowthatwhenothermen aremakingfunoftheirwivesorcomplainingabouttheirweaknessesliketheircooking, homemaking,lovemaking,shortcomings,andfaults,hernameissafe.Andlikewise,when womengettogetherandbegintobelittletheirhusbands,whatsecurityitgivesamanto knowthathisnamewillnotbementioned.Oh,itisnotbecausetherearenofaults;faults areselfevident.Itisntbecauseitwouldntbejustified.Speakingnoillofeachotheris simply BECAUSEOFYOURLOYALTYTOONEANOTHER! HOWDOESONEOVERCOMEBEINGACRITICALPERSON? TAKEA24HOURCRITICISMFAST!

 Startbystopping!Foraperiodof24hours,refrainfromcriticizingyourself,the government,thefood,yourbossand/orcoworkers,yourspouse,yoursurroundings cometoacompletehaltfortwentyfourhours!!Watchoutforbackseatdrivingand commentsonotherdrivers.Phonecallsaredangerous.Especiallywatchoutwhenyouare hungryorunderanykindoftimepressure!Youcannotcriticizeanyoneforanyreason unlesshumanlifeisindanger.Anotherexceptionwouldbeifyouhearorseeanother personwhohasagreedtotakethefastbutiscriticizingwithoutrealizingit.Youmay,in thiscase,pointoutkindlytohim/herthats/hehasdonesoandneedstostartover,without beingcriticalyourselfforhavingpointeditout! Thisisnotaseasyasitsounds.Themajorityofpeopledonotsucceedintheirfirst attempt.Donotbediscouraged.Ifyoufindyourselfbeingcritical,makeanoteofthetime andstartyourfastoveragainuntilyouhavegonefor24hours(includingthetimeyour areasleep)withoutbeingcriticalatall! BECAREFULNOTTOCOMMITWHATICALL,CriticismoftheHeart.Ifa criticalthoughtentersyourmindandyougetridofthethoughtinamoment,thenitdoes notcountandyoudonothavetostartyour24hoursover.If,ontheotherhand,youlet thatcriticalthoughtstayinyourmindandyoudevelopitintoafullproductionwith quadraphonicsoundandvistavision,theyyoumuststartoveragain. Dontbetoohardonyourselfifyoudontsucceedinthisassignmentrightaway. Thisisadifficultassignment! WHYSHOULDYOUTRY? ThesearethepositiveobjectivesthatIhopeyouwillexperiencewhiledoingthis: 1.Itwillincreaseyourawarenessofthecriticalnatureofoursociety. 2.Itwillhelpyoutobecomeawareofyourowncompulsiontocriticize. 3.Itwillenableyoutoexperiencethepowerofselfmastery. TheanswertothequestionWhyshouldItrytostopcriticizing?issimplySothat youcanlayafoundationforloveandacceptanceinyourhomeinsteadofrejection. Takethepledgeofverballoyaltytotherelationshiptodemonstrateyour commitmenttoit!Asatokenofyourwillingness,stopcriticizing.Commitmentand willingnessaretwokeystoloving,lasting,emotionallyclosemarriages.

 I challenge newlyweds and couples who desire to enrich their marriages and to experienceemotionalremarriagetotakethefollowingpledge: I promise, as your mate, that I will never speak ill of you to friend, family, or stranger. I will not embarrass or belittle you in front of others, nor will I be critical of you in your absence.Iwillnotdiscussourpersonalproblemswithanyonewithoutyourpermission.This ismypledgetoyou.

NOWLIVEIT!!!!!