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Violet A. Maw Instructor: Paul Anderson English: Intro to Writing September 8, 2013 (Revision) The Break 1. The Big News Finding out that I was going to have another baby was shocking, to say the least! Denial was at the forefront of my thoughts. My life had been mapped out. I compare this life changing news to driving your vehicle down a highway, at top speed, with a well mapped out destination, then to all of a sudden have your vehicle take a sharp, unmapped left turn down a very rocky, unexpected bumpy road! The inertia of my previously mapped out plans still had my vehicle going full speed ahead, while I physically, was now headed down a different road. It was a little jarring to the system and mind. It was not because I never wanted to have another experience being pregnant, or having another child, it was just not part of the plan right now. But after some fantastic therapy and the great love and support of my family, my shock soon turned into excitement and joy. 2. Planning for birth and baby One of the main things that I was excited to experience again was giving birth. I know at first this may sound odd, since most people associate birth with a woman screaming and crying in pain, cursing their husbands for getting them pregnant. Damn you, Jon, its all your bleeping fault! But the reason for my excitement was that with my first pregnancy, my daughter, Avalon, decided that she wanted to come out bum first instead of head first. In the pregnancy world this

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term is called Breach and is not ideal for giving birth. I had her by and emergency cesarean section. If my baby was cooperative, my doctor and I decided that I was a good candidate for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). There is always a level of risk with this procedure because the pressure of giving birth can rip open the scar from a c-section. But I did not want to go through another recovery form such a major surgery and I truly wanted to experience giving vaginal birth. The recovery from a vaginal birth is nothing compared to a c-section, especially without an epidural, which is what I wanted to do. 3. Labor I have read that dreaming about blood is pretty common for pregnant woman, as it can signify new life. Well, a couple of minutes after midnight on October 19, 2013, I dreamt about blood loving vampires. Right as the vampires were descending upon me to take my blood, I had a contraction strong enough to break my water. I remembered reading that its pointless to go to the hospital unless your contractions are at least five minutes apart, so I started timing my contractions. The very next contraction came in exactly 5 minutes. I knew it was time to go to the hospital. I got a hold of my mom, woke my daughter, and my mom drove us to the hospital. The countdown was on! After six hours of labor and contractions every five minutes, I was exhausted. Especially since I had only got an hour of sleep the night before. I started to fear that I would not have energy to push my baby out. I had been trying to go without an epidural, but knew that by getting one, I could get some rest. Getting an epidural was the best decision ever. Not only did it give me a chance to rest, but little did I know what my body was soon to experience with the

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delivery of my baby and how glad I would be. Finally, after another 6 hours of labor, the baby had descended into the correct position for birth. It is hard to explain what that pressure feels like, considering that I was mostly numb. I guess you could say it felt like there was a gigantic bowling ball in between my pelvic bones, pushing on my hips, bowels and everything that was surrounding. 4. Delivery The doctor arrived right as I was ready to push. She was a lovely character. My OBGYN was on vacation, so she was the on call doctor. She commanded the room when she walked in. Immediately told those who needed to get out, to get out! I instantly feel in love with her and her personality. She was awesome. Since my choice of who could be in the room was limited, I chose four family members, plus my mother and daughter. She had me try a few practice pushes, and it only took two for her to know that this baby and I were ready. My sister-in-law held one knee, while my cousin held the other. I took a deep breath in, pulled my legs to my side, curled my chin down into my chest and with the count of 10, began to push. I imagined aiming for the ceiling. The count of 10 was done and I took a short break and another deep breath and went for it again. Violet, you can do this. I can see him coming. Push, push, push! My sister-in-law yelled at me. Violet, hes almost here, my cousin said with emotional encouragement. Though a man is not able to give birth, a good but not very pleasant analogy would be having a bowel movement. Pushing out a baby utilizes the same type of muscles and pushing that a bowel movement does. A very large bowel movement. I got ready for the next contraction, and when it began, pushed again. This time something different happened. (Though I would not know how different until later.) I heard my

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spine make a popping noise. As I took my next breath and break, I asked my cousin did you hear my spine just pop? She looked at me kind of nervous, and said Yeah. I assumed it was just a normal pop, the kind of pop that comes from a chiropractic adjustment. Little did I know that I had just busted my tailbone, pushing my little darling out! Thank goodness for the epidural, right? I did not push for long, probably for only 10 minutes total. With the last push, I could feel a tremendous release of pressure as my baby arrived into this big world. This feeling of release could probably be compared to a great dam breaking and water surging freely, or the great emotional relief that one might experience when they are nervous about a life altering moment, only to have everything turn out perfect. He came out crying, letting us all know that he was not happy to have been put through that squishing and pulling and having been ripped away from his humble, but very cozy home. Though a crying baby can bring feelings of stress, hearing a new born baby cry is like magic music to a new parent. It meant that his lungs were working well, and he was breathing in his first breaths of air. An important role to living, breathing! If he was crying, he was breathing. 5. New Life Words cannot express the joy that comes with welcoming a new baby into this world. Nor can they express the great responsibility that you feel to make sure that you give this new little being all that they need to be successful in this world. It is most definitely a life changing event; even experiencing it for a 2nd time does not take away from the magnitude of emotion and thoughts associated with such an event. I gave my new bundle of joy the name of Atticus, yes, after the character Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. I figured that any association by

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name, could only help him in this big world. (Maybe one day he will be Atticus Maw, Attorney at Law and fight for civil liberties.) Getting to hold this new, naked little baby against my chest and skin made me feel euphoric, as though time stood still, as though that sharp left turn that my life had taken close to a year ago, was all meant to be. The inertia of my rerouted, mapped out plans finally caught up to me in that very moment in time. Getting to hold my new son, while having my daughter right next to me, felt like a surreal, ethereal moment that I hold both in my mind and in my heart as a quintessential life defining moment never to be diminished by the passing of time. 6. Onset of Pain As the day wound down so did my visitors, and it was time for me to get out of bed and do all of those post-delivery things that Doctors want you to do. The first of which would be walking around. Eeek! I was not looking forward to that. I assumed, as many would, that everything was going to be sore after such an extraordinary event. I mean my body had just been worked, and worked pretty hard! I put my feet on the ground and slowly lifted myself off the side of the bed. It was with these first steps away from my bed that left me wondering if the kind of pain that I was feeling in my tailbone area was normal. I assumed it was, since I did not have a prior birth to compare it to. I braved through the first couple of hours. I tried to find the right way to sit, to lie down, to get myself up. I could not believe that pain that I felt. I did not remember feeling this uncomfortable with my c-section. Something just felt wrong. Finally, after about 6 hours of only receiving ibuprofen, I asked the nurse if there was something stronger that she could give me. I felt like a wimp, I mean, how could I not handle something so normal.

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I struggled through the night, constantly moving so as to find a position that felt right. I felt miserable. You wouldnt have to have just given birth to relate to type of pain that I was feeling. Anyone who has experienced pain that left them not finding a comfortable position to be in could relate. It was not until my doctor visited me the next day that she informed me that I had busted my tailbone giving birth to my baby. She told me that it was not that uncommon. Funny, because I had never, ever heard of such a thing as breaking your tailbone giving birth. She told me that a babys head can push down on a tailbone just enough to break its position. She went on to tell me that I would be in pain for 3 months, and uncomfortable for a year! I couldnt believe it. Pain for 3 months? What? Just the thought of it made me even more uncomfortable. As most know, there is not a damn thing that can be done about a broken tail bone either.

Figure 1. Image of babys head against tailbone. 7. Taking Care of Baby with Injury Though I was certainly happy once I got home with my new born son, it was not the cuddle with the baby, fall time, football watching experience that I had imagined. Just getting up to get my baby was an activity that left me riddled with pain. Every time I stood up it felt as though gravity was pulling on a bowling ball that was attached to my tailbone. There was no comfortable position to sit, stand or lay down. Even going to the bathroom was an ordeal. I

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remember waking up 2 days after being home, standing in the kitchen, crying because my whole body hurt so bad. Being in such pain, made for a bad distraction from enjoying my baby. It was hard to concentrate on him while my body was screaming at me. It was a distraction from the beginning of the new adventure. I did my best to not let my circumstances affect my emotions, but of course it was hard. Many tears and emotions, that is for sure. Just like the doctor said, it took a good three months for the intense pain to subside. 8. Life After Injury Now, 10 months later, I am definitely feeling less pain. Walking is just fine, playing with and holding my baby is a lot easier, but prolonged sitting or certain exercises still hurt my tailbone. I can even tell when a storm is rolling in because my tailbone will ache about 12 hours prior to the storm. I am my own little weather detector. The breaking of my tailbone was a traumatic event to me. Though it was not the natural, wannabe hippy like experience that I had envisioned, I would go through the whole experience again and again, to have Atticus here with me today.