Part 2 of Character Building Exercise REACTIONS are listed below

with some ways to view things from Gods perspective. All reactions below can be improved upon! God can help us feel and respond differently. What is going on behind these reactions? What am I afraid of? What do I believe about the challenge that I am facing that leads me to react this way? Add you own notes. Where is Jesus?

With all of the following, we will see that there is a lack of trust of the Lord. Whatever fills our mind is there instead of Him and His Word. That means it displaces Him when we need Him the most. We can Change. We often need to forgive the person who taught us to react this way. That person/s may have struggled with the same reactions. Examine why this reaction? If we were betrayed, we may have survived without His help. After seeking understanding of why you and others are stuck, seek the Lords balm rhema and written word revelation. Prayer language can awaken us to Gods heart in the mess. Apply Gods compassion. Allow HIM to personally comfort the part of you that is fearful when the negative challenge presents itself. These reactions were learned as protection from challenges. Jesus wants to be the one protecting us instead of these thinking patterns. Ask Him to exchange His protection for the poor pattern. Ask Him how to walk this out. I learned a long time ago that the Lord will allow me to live a repeating cycle where the same kinds of challenges will come my way until I learn to change my reaction. As Graham Cooke says, He lets us take the same test over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over until we pass. Its time to change folks

Blessings from Alison McBride

Some different Reactions:

1. Dismissing I cant face the negative challenge. I refuse to this. I avoid confrontation; I pretend nothing is happening. I am afraid that the challenge that I am facing will overwhelm me. It looks bigger than something God can or will deal with for me. If I talk to that difficult person, it will get ugly, and God isnt in this enough to help me prevail. I will be overwhelmed in negative feelings. I have seen others pretend nothing is wrong and it has worked for themeveryone will forget after awhile. I am an sticking my head in the sand. Things might get better if I just dont rock the boat with confronting anyone. When we turn the challenge over to Jesus, we cannot be overwhelmed in reality. He never gives us more than we can bear. Avoiding challenges and negative conversations does not make them go away; It make it worse. People may stop talking about the issue, but they dont really forget. Godly Confrontation brings the opportunity for healing. Trusting God means partnering with Him in the difficult things. We can exchange fear of circumstances and fear of man for confidence. He lives in us and cares about every hair on our head. He can give us words to use as well as the perfect timing. 2. Denial/detach.I cant do anything so Im just not going to care. I step back/detach . It is not my problem (harden heart). I am afraid that anything I do will be wrong, and I hate doing anything wrong. It is too hard, and I dont care enough to step out of my comfort zone to try to help. They probably wont listen to me anyway. That is not my problem! I gotta take care of me. The last time I tried to help, where was God? The Lord took our heart of stone away and replaced it with a heart of flesh. Flesh can and will get wounded. We as Christians are useless unless we carry His heart of love and compassion. The death

on the cross paid for our mistakes. We cannot protect ourselves from hurt, but we can awaken a sleeping or numb heart and heal with HIM. Not caring leaves us really alone. We need community. Jesus sees our attempts to help; He sees our heart AND He partners with us when we commit ourselves to partnering with HIM as we try to help others. Yes it is hard. Dying on the cross was hard. We are called to it. Only after the sacrifice did the life come. If we dont know what to say or do, we can pray. That is doing something! Then we can wait upon HIM and take more initiative when He says to move.

3. Peace at all costs.I want to fix everything now. Please dont anyone be unhappy or hurt. I am miserable and want to crawl away when people are unhappy. Cant we all be happy all the time? At least we can be nice? There was so much turmoil in my home when I grew up, and I just cant take the rejections and drama. Ive always felt like it is my fault if everyone isnt happy. I just need to fix this quickly so no one goes further with this turmoil..so much anxiety inside me otherwise. I dont want others to have to experience this so I rescue people before God can partner with them in their own pain. I am really trying to be the Holy spirit. Jesus knew his disciples would fail- even down to Judas. He didnt fix any of them. He just loved them and made a covenant to be in relationship. He was a living example which is far more powerful than fixing. We will be overwhelmed with turmoil if we dont give it to HIM and trust Him to deal with the unhappy people. Turmoil forces stuff to rise to the surface so people can begin to see themselves and then choose to go to God for the personal help that only HE can give. We can encourage, exhort, love, comfort, share conversation or be silentbut we can not fix people. Trying to do so leads us to be out of His timing and best will for others. One choice must be made upon another and another in order as He leads people. We need to support but get out of the way. Part of why we need to fix is because we feel out of control and are afraid He wont help. These are basic intimacy and trust issues we can revise with our Loving Lord in our own lives. The more we get our own hearts in the right place, the more He can trust us to help others. He increases His revelation, favor and authority as we learn to set our agenda aside and bond with HIM and HIS. 4. I can wait..I feel betrayed and/or violated as I engage in discussion with you so I step back and then look for the next opportunity to prove that my point or perspective is right. I dont feel like I matter unless I am heard and recognized with my perspective. I struggle with needing to be right, and was embarrassed when I was wrong a few times in the past. People dont respect me or see me as valuable otherwise. Maybe I dont see myself as valuable unless I have the answers. I feel isolated and alone at times. It is not safe to not have the right answer. I am not sure, but maybe I dont respect people who dont have the correct answer. I have to study harder. I just need to give people more information and they will make the right choice. Sooner or later someone will make a mistake and then I can prove my point. My identity is in impressing others instead of bonding and finding my value in God. Jesus is far more interested in the heart motivations behind our words and actions. Being right just wasnt important to Him; He did not scold or correct people most of the time when they were totally wrong over issues. He did, however, look at the love or lack of it. He clearly challenged the religious men of his day because their hearts needed to be right to the point that they did not even recognize that He was God. We need to let His love soften us to the point that it does not matter who is technically right and who is wrong. The power of His love overwhelms our mistakes and fear..perfect love casts out all fear. We can be very right with people and very wrong with God if we dont know how to appropriate His love. God will change our identity to be right with HIM so we dont need to be right with people. This Does not come from rejecting or judging others, but from security with HIM. We need to spend time with Him letting Him love us for who we are (His beloved children & bride). The goal of communication with people is to bring information and understanding.not to convince people.

5. FilibusterI talk the thing to death. No one will listen to me or do anything if I dont keep reviewing this over and over. Maybe revelation will come to someone to help me or they will see that I am right. (see 4. above) Most people turn off with this behavior. It is a power move to protect the hurting person. Unfortunately, it accomplishes exactly the opposite of what the person wants which is to listened to, to be heardthe voice inside them that has not felt appreciated. When we sit and bond with The Lord, He truly listens. We need to practice and receive His wonderful assurance, love and comfort. He will replace our rambling words with clarity and revelation. The goal of communication is to bring information and understanding.not to convince people. 6. Isolate/withdrawI shut out the world in my turmoil. Similar to #3 in that I feel overwhelmed with challenges and escape. Problems look bigger than God. I cant find HIM in the midst of the mess, and He might not help me when I call on Him. It has looked that way in the past .I pull away and hope something will rescue me, but nothing really does. Usually I move in to counterfeit comfort which ends up in idolatry.. We need to ask questions of our shut down heart. Patience and compassion are missing so our Heart does not feel safe. Jesus can make us safe. Draw near. I need to invite the Lord into the mess, let HIM reside there with me and turn my focus entirely onto HIM. After repenting, receive HIS comfort and love exactly where I am. He is safe and will help. All Gods people have problems..no one is free from them. Where He is involved REAL solutions can come. We dont need to rush, but we do need to take one step at a time out of the prison of isolation/withdrawl.

7. Frustration/Anxiety..I am overwhelmed as I am stuck in broken records of unsolved stuff, I have fear and anticipation more is coming. I am afraid that no solution will come. Reruns of challenges flood my mind day and night filling me with fear and hopelessness. (like #12) Where Are you Lord? I cant hear you? Some of us believe worrying means we care. That is a lie. Same healing process as #8. 8. Disappointed/Hopeless leading to depression. Theres no solution. Im disappointed and Hopeless and cant expect any more. I give up. Sometimes I feel like poor me. Very similar to #7. These negative feelings turn inside and take up residence bringing further separation from the Lord and HIS solutions. Self pity joins in the party. All these cripple someone from any action. Jesus voice can replace the reruns if we trust HIM. We need to take our thoughts captive to Him. Begin by pouring out your heart fully ONCE and give HIM the mess. Take time. Listen to HIS response as you share your fears. He understands. Receive that. Resolve to move away from unbelief & any spirit holding you there. Where trust is absent, repent for unbelief and get in touch with that lack within. We need to regularly!!!! WAIT on HIM by listening to His voice rather than the voice of the enemy. Odds are that He has told you an action to take and you have not moved into that fully. There is a voice of fear that ______will happen. This fear place needs help. Be kind to the scared little child in your heart. That child part of your does not know how to let Jesus help. Break down any revelation He gives and move one step at a time.

9. Angry displacement. I am mad at this but cant do anything about it so Im just mad and help it. Everyone is irritating me. Anger pushes God, the solutions, other people who can help me away so I am really stuck. I have learned it as protection but it really hurts me. Give space. Let the anger step back and calm down. Even this anger matters to GOD. He knows we feel helpless and turn to anger to protect us. Let Jesus talk to the part of you that is angry. Anger is a red flag that something needs attention. Anger almost always covers/blankets fear. Fear is the part that needs help first. When we partner

with the Lord and receive His protection from scary things or people, we dont need to be angry. Trust is usually absent. Offense is poison and furthers the fear. Separate from the problems and let the Lord bring HIS objective solutions and comfort. We need to increase our communication skills. The goal of communication people is not to convince someone of something, but rather, to bring understanding.

10. Freeze dont move!...I am quickly overwhelmed and shut down. I am paralyzed and unable to choose any positive action. Create a space from the problem and bring Jesus into it. Prayer language really helps here. Jesus wants to talk to you! We need to get in touch with what is so scary-unsafe. This can be touched by the Lord. Find the safety in HIM alone and then slowly take one step, then another. like a child learning to walk, He can and will lift the fog and confusion. Usually after a number of steps/actions with HIM, more revelation and understanding will come.

11. GuiltyI quickly feel guilt and move into self thrashing regardless of any fault. I disqualify myself from positive action. Guilt has usually started with conviction. But then it evolves within as Satan accuses us, brings guilt and condemnation. The Lord brings conviction that a change is needed. When we believe the guilt and condemnation, we never get to the healing with conviction. Confront yourself. Where am I wrong? Repent and apply His forgiveness. It is not Godly to refuse the forgiveness by the Lord or yourself. Receive the comfort and move into the change that the Lord was suggesting in the first place that got displaced with guilt. Those stuck in guilt in themselves usually put it on others as well. That needs to shift to grace for all. Sometimes we get stuck in the justice battle- see #12

12. Justice-lawyerI react like a lawyer gathering evidence. I need to try the case and figure out who is right & wrong. We need to sort things out and decide who is right and wrong. This internal argument comes from the fruit of the tree of knowledge of right and wrong. We act as human lawyers over heavenly information, measuring and weighing.deciding for ourselves rather than letting God decide for us. We feel unsafe unless we can do this. This is One of the most common reactions people have that ties Gods hands. It is a form of controlling the situation. We decide to bring our justice before it can be done to us. The bottom line is that we are not trusting Gods justice will prevail. We are looking for Mercy, but applying justice. Gods justice is the highest form of it; it is often the application of Mercy. God has a unique form of Justice that our limited brains may miss if we take action ourselves, like #7 we may run evidence over and over in our minds. WE may be harsh because we have been treated with harshness from someone close to us. Deeper forgiveness is needed. Our decisions often leave the Lord outside the solution. We need His heart to tap into HIS justice. Pursuit intimacy and then justice will rise to the surface and your view. Peace that passes understanding must be practiced. If we are at peace and trust Him, solution can come. See #7/8 solution. Also study Gods justice THROUGH and AFTER the cross in the bible. The old Testament is not as much help here. We need to see the justice in Jesus. We need to stop arguing in times of stress and observe more. Then we need to take what we see to Jesus alone to find HIS justice.

13. Justice-judge.I find someone or myself guilty and hope for or I issue punishment. I am not safe unless this justice can get applied. The same as #12 except we must reach a conclusion and find guilt. We really need to look at what we are afraid of in order to release our fears. Trust in HIM is waiting for us to shift. It is NOT our job but rather the Lords to judge. We need to repent and let HIM be God. Comfort can come. 14. InvisibleMaybe if I cant be seen or heard, they wont blame me. Oh, but I want to be seen now - too lateIm stuck being invisible. This is similar to #6 and #10. We most likely decided as a child to hide from ugly situations. We needed to do this because we were overwhelmed. Where was God? I was scared. What we dont know if that we are very visible to God, and He passionately loves us even the scared hiding, invisible part of us. It is this very identity that can pull us out of our caves. We need to agree with Jesus view of us, and begin to rewrite our identity (our visibility). We need to spend time with Jesus to let Him call the Gold in us out so we can look at it together. Invisibility needs a conscious daily effort to become visible. This means we wont feel safe all the time. Feeling safe means confronting our fear that God wont help us. Perfect Love drives out all fear. We need our value and identity in HIM to be strengthened separate from anything we can do. We need to BE as He sees us. As we seek to become visible, we need to learn to confront (with love) situations where we are being ignored. We need to increase our communication skills. The goal of communication is to bring understanding (not agreement or convincing). We are not to become doormats, but rather partners with people (with God). 15. Take charge!...Someone has to bring order to this mess. I will take control of whatever I can or I find someone else to do it for me. I am not feeling like God is going to help me here. I feel almost panic inside at times. Am I anticipating someone will get mad at me? Are you mad at me God? Heaven help the person who makes a mistake. Sometimes this is like #3 where I need to fix things to keep people from being hurt. See #3. The problem with this is I am having to depend on myself for solutions. The older I get, the more tired I feel. We were not designed to be God. We need to confront the distrust we have developed with the Lord. He knows best. The peace that passes understanding is needed here with daily doses of increased trust. Our relationship with HIM is NOT like the child to parent. Parents must decrease in responsibility so their child can increase his/her self directed responsibility. This is a sign of maturity. It is the opposite with God. He must increase as we decrease; our safety comes in this. As we develop trust with God, we can develop it with people.