How to Make Prison Wine (Just in Case)

Maybe youre getting ready for your friends annual Oz Christmas party, or maybe youre just counting the days until The Man comes down on you for all those jaywalking tickets, but at some point its important that everybody learn how to make pruno, aka prison wine a D ! boo"e made of fruit, preservatives, sugar, and mo#ie that you can cook up in a couple of days$ Days youll no doubt spend sharpening a spoon into something more useful$ %ike a spork, or whatever$ &&&&&&

How to Make Prison Wine

Step 1
'irst, take as many oranges as you can get from the mess hall( about )*+, will do$ f you still need to stuff them in a pillowcase to beat on your cellmate, dont worry they can be bruised$ -eel .em and toss .em in a giant /iploc bag$ &&&&&&&

Step 2
0e#t, take a gigantic can of fruit cocktail 1two, if you can smuggle them2 and dump it, juice and all, into the bag$ 3ave a couple grapes to eat though$ Theyre delicious$ &&&&&&&

Step 3
0e#t, youre gonna need some sugar to help the fermentation process$ 34uirrel away about ), cubes, then about 5tbsp of ketchup, just for a little acidity in the mi#$ Thats about four packets$ &&&&&&

Step 4
!east is what makes this crap turn into alcohol, so toss whatever bread you can in there so the yeastll get the juices boo"in$ Dont overdo it6 a piece or two should suffice$ &&&&&&

Step 5
3ince your pillowcase is now devoid of oranges, youre gonna need to use your fists to pound the mi#ture into a pulp$ 7e sure to seal your bag first, though, or else your cells gonna look like you took a shotgun to a garbage can you found outside a 8amba 8uice$ &&&&&&&

Step 6
-ut the bag somewhere warm and safe maybe the toilet, maybe a sink, maybe a bucket you smuggled in and pour warm water over it to help the fermentation$ Then either cover it or wrap it in a towel$ 9ach day, repeat the process of pouring warm water over the bag$ Do this for 5 ! "a#s$ &&&&&&&

Step 6 1%2
:h sh;t< !eah, so theres gonna be some gas as this turns into boo"e$ Make sure to leave the bag open a tiny crack or else your /iploc bags gonna turn into a tropical time*bomb, which is what got you here in the first place$ &&&&&&

Step !
&fter a'out a week, strain the nasty fruit goop$ f you cant find a strainer, just shank the bag a bunch of times and( voila< D ! strainer$ &&&&&&

(he )*i+ ,esu+ts

7ada*bing< t looks like Tang$ t smells like rotten fruit and boo"e$ 3o what does the fruit of our cell*block labor taste like= magine brushing your teeth, slamming a glass of grapefruit juice, throwing it all up, then drinking it again, and youre close to the flavor profile of this concoction$ Maybe add earwa# and a little glue$ 7ut hey, its boo"e$ >nd it beats the hell out of spending a week in solitary with just water and spork*related fever dreams$
?ecipe Courtesy Thrillist

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