Ron Dubach once plowed over a deer while jogging.

When the deer wouldn’t get up, he called it a quitter, then picked it
up and carried it on his back to the nearest veterinarian while doing the grapevine.

Ron Dubach was single-handedly responsible for the fall of Communism.

Contrary to popular belief, it was actually Ron Dubach that knocked down the Berlin Wall. He found the resonance
frequency of Berlin and used his deadly triple heel click to crumble the wall.

Ron Dubach’s triple heel-click has hypnotic powers. It’s how he persuaded President Johnson to enter the Vietnam
War and kill all the Communists. Unfortunately, the president was unable to find Ron Dubach for any further war
advice, as he was vacationing in East Berlin at the time, pursuing his favorite pastime.

Ron Dubach actually wrote the Ten Commandments. He went up to Mount Sinai and asked God what He wanted him
to do. God said, “Beats me,” and Ron Dubach said, “I’ve got a few ideas.”

Ron Dubach doesn’t need to shower. Stink is afraid of him.

Ron Dubach doesn’t accept excuses. Excuses are crutches for the weak and infirm.

Ron Dubach once made a 45-minute long motivational speech using only the word “animalistic.”

One of Ron Dubach’s deadly triple heel-clicks caused the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake.

When Ron Dubach does a triple heel-click in front of a mirror, the mirror shatters in amazement.

Ron Dubach can lick his own elbow.

Ron Dubach created peace in the Middle East. He gathered all the leaders together and did one triple heel-click. The
beauty of it made the leaders realize that their fighting was pointless, and they agreed to get along. The leaders of OPEC
nations were so impressed that they signed all the rights to oil in the Middle East over to Ron Dubach, effectively
making him the wealthiest man in history. He used the money to contribute to his Eradicate Communism Fund.

Ron Dubach is the only man on Earth who can find 11 steps to turn left.

Ron Dubach actually has 6 fingers on one hand. He looked at his hand one day and decided that 5 fingers just wasn’t
enough, and he grew a 6th finger out of sheer willpower.

Ron Dubach once killed 10 birds with one stone.

Ron Dubach says, “The only thing worse than Communism is sagging pants.” Do you know how many Communists
Ron Dubach has killed? Hike up your pants, little boy.

Ron Dubach once walked around the world on his hands.

Many have wondered how it is possible for Ron Dubach to do his trademark triple heel-click. The secret is simply that
he stares down gravity and says, “I will not abide by your rules.”

Ron Dubach does not feel pain. He only feels himself getting stronger.

If you ask Ron Dubach to do his famous triple heel-click, either one of two things will happen. If he doesn’t like you, he
will simply stare you down so long and hard that you will die. If he does like you, he will do a triple heel-click and your
head will explode out of amazement, and you will die. But at least you got to see a triple heel-click.

Ron Dubach was originally the fifth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. But his skills were so superior to those of the other
four, that they omitted him from the shows in jealousy. In retaliation, Ron Dubach knocked them on their backs, where
they still remain because he refused to help them up.
Chuck Norris ran around the world in 15 minutes. Ron Dubach did it in 5 and spent 3 laughing at Chuck Norris and
yelling, “I’m as old as your grandpa, and I can still run faster than you, little boy!”

Chuck Norris invented water. Ron Dubach let Chuck Norris invent water because water is for weaklings.

Ron Dubach does not age.

Ron Dubach invented calculus to determine the speed of his heels at the point of contact of one of his patented triple
heel-clicks. The answer: four times the speed of light, plus two.

God doesn’t send sinners to Hell. He sends them to Ron Dubach.

Steroids take Ron Dubach to get strong.

Ron Dubach’s stare is so cold that when a wooly mammoth once stepped on his toe, he caused the Ice Age.

When you rearrange the letters of Ron Dubach’s name, it spells out “I KILL COMMIES.”

Gatorade is actually Ron Dubach’s sweat.

When teaching little kids how to drive, Ron Dubach says, “Animals are like Doritos. They crunch and you can make
more of them.”

It is illegal to speak Ron Dubach’s name in nine states.

Ron Dubach once got kicked off the island of Atlantis for proselytizing. Many people wonder what happened to
Atlantis, but only Ron Dubach knows for certain.

A long time ago, before Communism existed, Ron Dubach was easily bored. That is how Stonehenge, the pyramids, and
the Grand Canyon were created.

Ron Dubach once played Bobby Fisher in a game of chess. Ron Dubach won a miraculous victory despite playing with
only his king, one pawn, and an ivory replica of himself that he had carved during the game. When Bobby protested
that this last piece was unfair because it was too powerful, Ron Dubach got angry and breathed fire from his mouth,
consuming Bobby in flames and reducing him to ashes. Then, standing over the remains, he said, “Ron Dubach always
plays fair.”

People don’t like to have Ron Dubach in their buildings, because his mere presence often sets off the sprinkler system.
Some say it’s the building wetting itself out of fear.

Ron Dubach successfully mated a bulldog and a shih tzu and called it “Ron Dubach doesn’t take none.”

People think Chuck Norris is amazing because he had his own TV show. Ron Dubach had his own syndicated TV show
once, but it got cancelled because people’s TVs kept exploding.

Ron Dubach can drink a gallon of milk in under an hour.

Ron Dubach wrote Shakespeare’s plays.

Nails are as tough as Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach took out an insurance policy on Ralph Nader and then killed him and donated the money to Rush
Limbaugh.
The only emotion Ron Dubach ever felt other than hatred was when he first met his future wife, Margo. He instantly
fell in love with her, and proceeded to write the greatest love poem of all time. But no one could read it, because if they
did their hearts would explode. That is why to this day it is hidden in a safe deposit box in a bank on the Cayman
Islands.

Ron Dubach was originally cast as Ethan Hunt in the movie Mission: Definitely Going to Succeed, but producers didn’t
like the title, so they cast Tom Cruise instead and changed the name to Mission: Impossible.

The first man on the moon was actually Ron Dubach. He made sure we got there before the Commies by powering the space shuttle
with his triple heel-click. Then when he got back, he taught Michael Jackson the moonwalk.

Ron Dubach crawled his way out of the womb when he was born. No one pushes Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach keeps a cannon in the back of his trunk to shoot tailgaters.

Ron Dubach saved the world from being taken over by the Macarena.

During WWII, President Truman had the choice to either send the A-Bomb or Ron Dubach to Hiroshima. He chose the A-
Bomb because it was more humane.

Every time Ron Dubach executes a triple heel-click, the incredible speed at which his leg cuts through the air creates an
enormous sonic boom. This is commonly known as "thunder".

Ron Dubach’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Ron Dubach doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

If you want a list of Ron Dubach’s enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Ron Dubach has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Ron Dubach once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Ron Dubach

Ron Dubach owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just
a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

Ron Dubach is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Ron Dubach does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Ron Dubach can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his
triple heel-click.

Ron Dubach is the only man to ever win a tennis match against a brick wall.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

When Ron Dubach does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up - he's pushing the Earth down.
Ron Dubach does not get frostbite. Ron Dubach bites frost.

Ron Dubach is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Ron Dubach doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Ron Dubach didn’t have to go to law school to become a lawyer because he is the law.

Saddam Hussein was toppled from power after inviting Ron Dubach to move to Iraq, proving that Saddam was trying to
acquire a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

Ron Dubach is the reason Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat.

Ron Dubach does not close his eyes when sneezing.

It only takes Ron Dubach one lick to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

Ron Dubach’s DNA is composed of a triple helix.

Ron Dubach never wet the bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Ron Dubach gargles with anti-freeze.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Ron Dubach. Ron showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because
it would be the less painful way to die.

It wasn’t the chicken or the egg. It was Ron Dubach.

The great Chicago fire of 1871 was not in fact started by Mrs. O'Leary's cow. The fire was started by Ron Dubach when he
discovered that deep dish pizza had not yet been invented.

Ron Dubach counted to infinity—twice.

Ron Dubach’s sweat repels mosquitos and other annoying insects—such as liberals.

Ron Dubach knows all the numbers of pi, but will only share them if he can be beaten in hand-to-hand combat. This is why we
have supercomputers trying to figure it out instead.

The only weaknesses of Superman are kryptonite and Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach can speak Braille.

Many people think that the dinosaurs were killed off by a giant meteor. If by "meteor" you mean "Ron Dubach," then yes, you
are correct.

Ron Dubach never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back off.

Never ask Ron Dubach to play a game of "Sorry!" It will only end in tears. Yours.

Ron Dubach only needs one to tango.

The only thing that is more of a threat to your vision than staring directly at a solar eclipse is making eye contact with Ron
Dubach.
Ron Dubach ate paints and canvas for breakfast and pooped out a masterpiece by lunchtime.

Ron Dubach was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

Ron Dubach once beat a laser beam in a 100 meter dash.

Ron Dubach does not go hunting because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Ron Dubach goes killing.

Ron Dubach can slam revolving doors.

When Ron Dubach exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach once crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

Jeeves asks Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach sleeps with a night light. Not because Ron Dubach is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach can divide by zero.

Ron Dubach’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; No one fools Ron Dubach.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Ron Dubach.

Ron Dubach uses only one chopstick.

Ron Dubach built Rome in a day. Consequently, all roads lead to Ron Dubach, too.

Ron Dubach built the Eiffel Tower in his own backyard out of scrap metal as a monument to his masculinity. When he turned
12, he realized that the monument didn’t really live up to what it was supposed to represent, so he did the only logical thing. He
gave it to the French.

Ron Dubach runs with scissors.

If you know someone who doesn’t like Ron Dubach, you won’t know them for long.

Bigfoot does exist, he just hiding because he once cut off Ron Dubach at an intersection.

Native Americans call Indian burns “Ron Dubach burns.”

The original script for the movie Zoolander had Ron Dubach playing the role of Derek Zoolander. When filming the
"Magnum" scene, the look that Ron Dubach gave exploded the hearts of all humans in attendance. Owen Wilson was the only
survivor. That's why his nose is so screwed up.

Ron Dubach once took sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Ron Dubach can hear dog whistles.