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Last Thursday night as I got home Bernie Dymet came on the radio. It really captured and I thought - wow!!!

This is exactly where you are. As he continued speaking I became so excited and I felt God saying to me. You have to share this this has been a big step in your recovery journey so far and you are really getting it. So I text Libby straight away, then couldnt believe that I had jumped at doing it. So here I am. Haha!!! All things are possible thru Christ Jesus eh!!! I am going to read what Berni spoke on its called. 08-31-4 A Leap of Faith by Bernie Dymet (A different perspective) I am going to add a bit of my story between the lines. 28/07/2008 One of my favourite movies of all time is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. It's the story of Indy, played by Harrison Ford and his father, played by Sean Connery, going on an adventure to find the Holy Grail, the cup that Jesus drank out of on the night of the Last Supper. When they finally decipher the cryptic ancient maps and arrive at the amazing old temple kind of place where the Holy Grail is, Indiana Jones has to go through 3 dangerous tests; the breathe of God, the word of God and the path of God. The last one, the path of God, involves Indiana leaping from a place called The Lions Head, into what looks like, this massive bottomless chasm. He stands there and wonders, 'what do I do next?' and struggling with this he realises it's a leap of faith. "Oh God" he cries and you can hear his father in the background, who's been shot and he's dying, "You must believe boy, you must believe and finally he does it. Indiana Jones takes that great leap of faith into the chasm, a leap that almost certainly will cost him his life.

Now I don't want to spoil the rest of the movie for you if you haven't seen it but what Indiana Jones discovers is that what he saw from the edge of that precipice at the lions head as being this massive bottomless cavern that he couldn't possibly jump across, well it wasn't what it seemed. So often thats the case in life. So often in life we stand on the edge looking down, realising we can't cross it and the only thing to do is to stay there, where we are but for Indiana Jones, that wasn't an option. His father was dying and the one thing that could save Dad was the Holy Grail on the other side of this uncrossable chasm and when the status quo is no longer an option, the only other alternative is to take a leap of faith into the unknown and discover whether the uncrossable is crossable. This week I have been trying to remember what I was like before CR, what made me come and what kept me coming.. I must admit life was not good Alcohol, overmedicating on prescription drugs and a lot of self harm. Actually I would say that I was searching for a reason to stay alive, desperate to find some purpose for my being. I would like to share a couple of excerpts from one of my journals I was writing in before I came to CR. Show little pink book with Lillis I love you Share as the Lord prompts me. For me I had to do something try one more time. I had no where to turn. Death looked more inviting than life. I felt trapped in despair, totally isolated and every where felt unsafe and threatening. There are people in this world who, right now, are standing on the edge of that precipice and the status quo is no longer an option. They hunger; they thirst for an intimacy with God. They

long in their hearts, they ache to be close to God but the chasm is uncrossable. They know, they've tried, they've failed over and over and over again; 'I want to be close to God but how do I get close, how?' When I first started coming to Celebrate Recovery this is where I was. I was standing on the edge of that precipice and I had come to a dead end. Something in my life had to change I had to step out and hope that there was something more in life for me.

That, maybe this time I would be able to find God. That maybe God was here. That I wouldnt be judged or discriminated against. After being in the mental health system, and other governmental systems where I could do nothing right and everything I did was analyzed and discriminated against, this had to be somewhere that I might be accepted for who I was. Week after week you guys would welcome me and offer me your friendship even when I rejected it so many times you never gave up on me. THANK YOU. With this I slowly started to defrost and let some of you in my life and have been learning about trust which led on to me starting to trust and believe in God again. Still go a ways to go but I know now that theres no turning back. I had accepted Christ as my lord and savior way back in 76 and I have many times served the lord and shared his word to people. Many who have stayed in the faith and who are going well. I used to pretend I was doing well to, as I was embarrassed that pple god led me to share his love and word to are actually doing better than me. I just could not discover what it was that I was doing wrong. After several years of either all for God or not at all for God yes I am a very all or nothing type person, Back slid many times, even married a man who had been brought up in a Christian home didnt work for me. I thought it would, I thought that marrying someone who knew God and believed meant that I would get the Christian functional family I always desired. But most of all I wanted a relationship with God. Thats an even longer story so wont go there. By the time I came here and had my

one on one with Libby I thought that I was definitely not one of Gods chosen ones but I would maybe find something here since there was nothing else except death (also another story). I remember telling her that, but in her wise way just smiled. MMMMmmm!!!!! Yes she knew all along. The first week I think we sang You are my desire and that became my daily prayer, I longed to really feel that, to have that peace and to be able to totally surrender of my life to Jesus and finally get that personal relationship with Him. I saw it in the people here and longed once again to have what they have.

It's the Indiana Jones dilemma; at the end of the day there is only one option and that is taking a leap of faith but just like Indiana, we look down at the precipice and think, 'Oh God, surely this is not possible, surely I'm going to fail' but then, when we're standing on the edge of the precipice, things are not always what they seem. As I started come more and more to CR and doing the step study I eventually realized I could maybe have another chance. God was offering me LIFE again. I didnt have to wait till Id given up anything, till I had sorted my stuff out. And there was no rush, God is in no hurry, He just wanted baby steps. No big great jump.like I always imagined myself standing on the edge of a clip probably like the precipice that Indiana was standing on, but I thought I had to jump and believe that God was gonna catch me. Through peoples acceptance, love and generosity here at CR I have been able to see the real God that I had somehow missed in the past. I have also found this a very humbling experience too and that to receive is actually accepting Gods promises, gifts and love and by accepting help and reaching out for help I have had to put my pride away. I didnt have to pretend anymore and I didnt have to prove myself in anyway either. I think this is what helped me to see how unmanageable my life was. That I truly needed God and again and again he has shown me that He is there for the little things as well as the big things. That he cares in every situation, and I mean EVERY SITUATION. He has continually been showing me that I matter to him, which I find

amazing. He cares and loves me just the way I am and I really do matter to Him. Even though my life is unmanageable and I still need lots of work to be done. I feel a peace underneath the unmanageable life instead of that feeling of dread and hopelessness I have peace, a knowing that it will work out. (SHOW EDDIES PICTURE) This picture has been hanging up in pastor eddies office and sometimes I have just sat and stared at it. These bricks look like they are gonna fall away as soon as you walk on them dont they. If I was to rely on my feelings my fear and what it looks like I would never take even one step. But all I have to do is believe have faith in God and his promises, So now I am putting aside my feelings in situations and just taking baby steps one step at a time and its amazing the stone doesnt fall away. I know God isnt gonna let me fall, if I do fall its because I have taken my eyes off Godl(point to the end of the path). And you know what. Even when I do Jesus is still there, and will wait for me till I find my way back. Benie dymet says. What God calls us to is a leap of faith, it doesn't matter how long we sit on that ledge wondering, we're not going to know until we take that leap of faith, a leap in His direction. The decision to stay on the edge of the precipice is like a barrier to being close to God. I mean the precipice is a barrier too but imagine, just for a moment, the precipice isn't what it seems. Imagine for a moment that there's a bridge across, a bridge that we can't see by staying there on the edge, a bridge that we can only know by taking the leap of faith. Have you ever asked yourself exactly what is faith? God tells us, it's in the Bible, Hebrews chapter 11. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen and without faith it's impossible to

please God for whoever would approach Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him." This is a verse that I hold on to!!! "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Sitting on the edge of the precipice faith is the thing that makes you leap because in your heart you believe there's a way across. Faith breaks the inertia, faith knocks down the barrier. Now faith is almost always accompanied by fear of failure because we're trusting in something we can't see. People make this mistake, they think that because they're afraid they don't have faith but you know, for me, whenever Gods asked me to step out in faith, into that chasm, into that thing that I just can't possibly see how I'm going to get across, to do something that I can't do, there's almost always fear. And for many people, stepping out and believing that they can be close to God, well there's a huge fear of failure, 'well it's never worked before'. But without faith it's impossible to please God. "For whoever would approach Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him." It's Gods decision to do it this way, it's Gods decision to hide the path across, oh we can see the path with our minds, we can read the Bible, we can see that Jesus is that path, we can see that He is that bridge, we can see that He is the way because He paid for our sin on the cross. His sacrifice, the shedding of His blood is what brings us close to God, we can read that, we can process it, we can understand it with our minds but so often it doesn't make sense in our hearts. See, in our hearts we have to take that leap of faith. In our hearts we need to decide, 'you know something, I'm just going to believe that this bridge is there, that I can be close to God. I know I have failed in the past, I know that it seems impossible, I know that I couldn't possibly be good enough to be close to God but I am going to believe that Jesus Christ is the way, the truth and the life, He is the only way to the Father.

I know that I can't see it with my heart and I know I don't understand how this is going to happen but in my heart I'm going to hunger, I'm going to thirst, I'm going to seek God and I'm just going to believe that He exists and He rewards those who diligently seek Him. In fact, I would rather spend the rest of my days hungering and thirsting and seeking than just sitting here on this stupid ledge'. You get what I'm saying? Maybe, maybe in your life you wanted to be close to God for so long that it just, it just hasn't happened. I believe that, through His word, God is calling some people today just to believe, just to believe simply, like a child that God wants to be close to us. Don't you realise that God yearns jealously for the spirit that He has made to dwell in us and I truly believe there are some people today, maybe it's you, you have to make that decision of faith, that leap of faith in their hearts. That leap that says, 'no matter what the cost, no matter how risky it is, no matter how much I fear failure, I am going to take this leap of faith in God' and when we do, all of a sudden we discover that the chasm is not what it seemed. That there is a bridge that we couldn't see by sitting on that ledge, that we could only feel under the souls of our feet when we leapt out and walked on it. This is what I am learning to do right now. God is healing my heart, something I cannot do with out him. I started going regularly to church this year and often in Church I find myself with tears running down my face. One week someone spoke in the worship time and as that person spoke I felt that it was for me. I was sobbing like a baby. That word told me it was ok to sob like a baby and that He is there with me and will comfort and hold me. I believe He is and that is a big step forward for me. Its taken me a while but God never gives up on us. I yearn to know God more and I have this willingness in my heart that I will do what He calls me to do. I hate speaking up here and I feel that I am just not good at it and in a way I dont wanna get good at it, but I heard this word from Bernie Dymet and almost straight away God was telling me you have to share this at Celebrate

Recovery. You are doing this and have taken this step in faith you must share it. Thanks for listening. As I carry on my journey this song by Natalie Grant one that I will listen to a lot an hold on to and Man!!! Wish I could sing it she sings it so victoriously. Here are the words.

I have been the wayward child I have acted out I have questioned Sovereignty And had my share of doubt And though sometimes my prayers feel like They're bouncing off the sky The hand I hold won't let me go And is the reason why... I will stumble I will fall down But I will not be moved I will make mistakes I will face heartache But I will not be moved On Christ the Solid Rock I stand All other ground is sinking sand I will not be moved Bitterness has plagued my heart Many times before My life has been like broken glass And I have kept the score Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed That I was far too gone My brokenness helped me to see It's grace I'm standing on I will stumble I will fall down But I will not be moved I will make mistakes I will face heartache But I will not be moved On Christ the Solid Rock I stand All other ground is sinking sand I will not be moved And the chaos in my life Has been a badge I've worn Though I have been torn I will not be moved I will not be moved I will not be moved

I will make mistakes I will face heartache But I will not be moved On Christ the Solid Rock I stand All other ground is sinking sand I will not be moved I will not be moved