Published. April 1982 First printing March 1982 ISBN 0- ! -!0.01!-2 "#p$right % 1982 b$ Megan Alexander.

All rights reser&ed. Philippine c#p$right 1982. Australian c#p$right 1982. '(cept )#r use in an$ re&ie*+ the repr#ducti#n #r utili,ati#n #) this *#r- in *h#le #r in part in any )#r. b$ an$ electr#nic+ .echanical #r #ther .eans+ n#* -n#*n #r herea)ter in&ented+ including (er#graph$+ ph#t#c#p$ing and rec#rding+ #r in an$ in)#r.ati#n st#rage #r retrie&al s$ste.+ is )#rbidden *ith#ut the per.issi#n #) the publisher+ /#rld*ide 0ibrar$+ 221 2uncan Mill 3#ad+ 2#n Mills+ 4ntari#+ "anada M B 59. All the characters in this b##- ha&e n# relati#n *hats#e&er t# an$#ne bearing the sa.e na.e #r na.es. 6he$ are n#t e&en distantl$ inspired b$ an$ indi&idual -n#*n #r un-n#*n t# the auth#r+ and all the Incidents are pure in&enti#n. 6he Superr#.ance trade.ar-+ c#nsisting #) the *#rd S7P'Ftt4MAN"'+ and the /#rld*ide trade.ar-+ c#nsisting #) a gl#be and the *#rd /#rld*ide in *hich the letter "o " is represented by a depicti#n #) a gl#be+ are trade.ar-s #) /#rld*ide 0ibrar$.

CHAPTER ONE
A CHILLY BREEZE pushed at Christy's back and ruffled her coppery hair as she ga ed up at the !ouglas Building" #he $onolith of glass and steel glea$ed in the %hite !ece$ber sunlight" Christy checked her %atch" Ele&en o'clock" A half hour re$ained before her appoint$ent %ith 'ark Brandon( %ho %orked so$e%here up there on the tenth floor of that prestigious Los Angeles office co$ple)" *anic began to creep into her li$bs" *erhaps a cup of coffee %ould steady her ner&es" A cool head %as needed for this encounter" +he %ent into the ground,floor cafe( found a table and placed an order" #he %aitress ser&ed her pro$ptly( and Christy hugged the cup %ith both hands as $uch to steady the$ as to absorb the %ar$th" -n the table an arrange$ent of artificial holly anticipated the season( and piped,in carols settled discordant chi$es all around her" #he place bustled %ith patrons" +uddenly their faces ballooned out of proportion . bored( irritable( discerning( leering at her as if they kne% e)actly %hat she %as up to . then receded into anony$ous hu$ps and outlines to take on the /uality of a s$udged charcoal dra%ing"

I can't do it, she thought" I don't have the courage. The words for such a proposition aren't even in my vocabulary. 0e&ertheless( all %eek long she'd con&inced herself she %as /uite capable of confronting a $an she'd $et barely a %eek ago %ith a deeply inti$ate and personal re/uest" +he had not yet allo%ed herself to conte$plate 'ark's reaction but suspected that such a sche$e co$ing fro$ Aunt 'artha's properly brought,up niece %ould pack a fair a$ount of shock( e&en to the urbane 'r" Brandon" But no% apprehension spe%ed a counterpoint to all her bra&e intentions" It %asn't that 'ark's /ualifications %eren't i$peccable" He had intelligence( %it and char$ to spare as she had soon learned %hen she $et hi$ at Aunt 'artha's dinner party last +aturday night" 'oreo&er( his auburn hair beca$e a significant asset if genes could be relied upon" #ruthfully it had been the sight of firelight playing on his rusty head that triggered her grand plan" #hen %hen she learned that his transfer to the #e)as office %as in the offing( she $ade the decision to approach hi$" A $an %ho pro$ised to take hi$self out of sight and out of $ind $ade an irresistible candidate" -nce again she thought %ith %onder ho% one $o$ent could turn her life in a totally ne% direction" If she could only get through this $orning( perhaps her long night$are %ould end" Christy finished a second cup of coffee and looked at the cos$opolitan cro%d around her" Here $o&ed the real %orld( she ad$itted" 1or the past %eek she had %allo%ed in fantasy" A %arning flashed in her $ind as tangible as a flare in the roo$2 Don't go through with this harebrained idea. Find a telephone. Cancel the appointment. +natches of a boys' choir singing 34oy to the 5orld3 $o$entarily leaped through the babble and spiraled e)uberant har$onies all around her( then subsided( replaced by $e$ories of agoni ed %eeping" #he sound see$ed to surge up to fill the far reaches of the roo$( and she kne% %ith an a%ful clarity %hat she $ust do" +he left change on the table( paid her bill( then %alked out of the cafe and o&er to the ele&ators" 'AR6 R-+E as the secretary ushered her into his office" 35hy( Christy( %hat an une)pected pleasure73 A %elco$ing grin lit his face( and he pulled out a chair for her" His $anner helped to ease her an)iety" As she already had learned( he ne&er acted the hearty e),tra&ert but e)uded a steady %ar$th that reached out and en&eloped her" +he needed that cli$ate" #he substantial assets of the !ouglas Corporation %ere reflected in the spacious office2 thick %all,to, %all carpet8 %alnut,paneled %alls hung %ith se&eral good oils8 and fro$ the e)panse of glass a breathtaking &ie% of the city" #he secretary retired( closed the door( and Christy sank uneasily into the chair 'ark pro&ided" Her heart pounded( and she could not control the tre$or in her &oice" 3'ark93 she began and felt her purse slip off her lap" Her face flushed at the a%k%ardness" 3#he girl %ith the &intage Cabernet blush(3 he said and raised his eyebro%s kno%ingly" -f course( he referred to that disconcerting episode at Aunt 'artha's party7 +he thrust up her chin and $et his eyes s/uarely" 3'y apparent da e that e&ening %as not due to the %ine"3 30o: 5ell( considering all you'&e been through( I suspect you deser&e to tie on $ore than a fe% glasses of %ine"3 Christy shook her head" 3It %asn't the %ine at all" I %as trying to deal %ith an inspiration that had ;ust co$e to $e( and I guess I got so caught up in it I see$ed absent$inded"3 His face gre% sober" 3-h( yes:3 He folded his ar$s on the desk as if to achie&e a steadier focus" 3Actually that's %hy I'$ here" I hadn't the courage to bring it up before" I kne% I %ould e$barrass us both( and oh( 'ark( %hate&er you think( please try to understand"3 His appraising glance glistened %ith so$ething that could ha&e been suspicion" 3+hoot(3 he said" +he breathed a prayer and $ade the plunge" 3I assu$e you are fa$iliar %ith the e&ents surrounding the accident that killed $y nephe%:3 He nodded" 3Your aunt filled $e in"3 30ot entirely( I e)pect" You see( I'$ responsible for little !a&y's death"3 He stared in disbelief" 3<ood Lord7 5ould you e)plain that please:3 -nce again Christy %ent o&er the bitter details that haunted e&ery breath she took" He looked gra&e as she finished" 3But that could ha&e happened to anyone(3 he said" 30o(3 she said fir$ly" 3I ha&e reli&ed the e)perience endlessly( and nothing alters the fact that I had no right to challenge $y sister's authority o&er her child" If I had not persisted( her little boy %ould be ali&e today( and she %ould not be $entally and physically de&astated" #he additional tragedy is that she can ha&e no $ore children( and she'd ha&e to %ait years for adoption"3

Christy gripped the ar$s of the chair and continued( a tre$or in her &oice no%" 3I %ant to ha&e a child for her( 'ark( a red headed baby( as $uch like !a&y as possible( and . 3 +he hesitated( unable to $eet his probing ga e any longer" He leaned for%ard( his body suddenly tense" 3And:3 he de$anded" Her hands clenched the chair so tightly her ar$s ached to her shoulders" 35hat I'$ trying to say is . the fa$ily rese$blance . your auburn hair . 3 A %a&e of astonish$ent crossed his face" 35ell( I'll be da$ned(3 he said /uietly" 3And you %ant me to be the father:3 +i) '-0#H+ A<- such an action %ould ha&e been unthinkable( but life had been different then" At t%enty, three( she'd ;ust graduated %ith honors fro$ 4uilliard( and the ra&e re&ie% fro$ her 'aster's recital lay tucked in a recently signed contract as piano instructor at City College" #hen a fe% %eeks after graduation she %as able at long last to put a do%n pay$ent on an al$ost ne% +tein%ay grand( and on the &ery day it %as deli&ered ca$e the in&itation that cro%ned her su$$er" +he recalled the day perfectly" #he entire afternoon had been spent looking out the %indo%( %atching for the truck that %ould bring her piano" #he $o&ers finally arri&ed and( plainly conte$ptuous of the cra$ped /uarters offered the ebony thoroughbred( settled it in Christy's tiny 0e% York apart$ent and left" +he seated herself and ran a caden a up and do%n the stretch of the keyboard to sa&or the tone of the first fine instru$ent she'd e&er o%ned" *recipitously descending octa&es ca$e solid and clean fro$ her slender fingers( and the kno%ledge that the piano re$ained her $ost e)acting and genuine co$panion sang through her blood like a $elody" 'o$ents later she stopped at insistent rings fro$ the telephone" 3Beth73 she cried( recogni ing at once her sister's &oice( and felt guilty that in the e)cite$ent of ac/uiring her piano( she'd not %ritten or called for al$ost t%o %eeks" Beth( her husband( Richard( and their t%o,year,old son had planned to fly fro$ their +an 1ernando =alley ho$e in California for her graduation last $onth %hen Beth's sudden operation inter&ened" 3Ho% are you feeling:3 31ine( all things considered"3 3All things considered( Beth:3 3It turned out to be a bit $ore co$plicated( a $alignancy"3 'alignancy . such a terrible( echoing %ord7 3'y <od( Beth( %hy didn't you tell $e:3 30ot to %orry" It %as disco&ered early( and it hasn't spread( so the doctor says" But . 3 #here %as a long pause" 3But( Christy( there'll be no $ore children"3 Christy heard the heartbreak and resignation" Beth adored children" After her son's birth t%o years ago( she couldn't %ait to ha&e another baby" 3-h( Beth( darling( but thank <od for !a&y"3 3I do( e&ery $inute" But that's not %hy I called" 5e're finally getting around to sending you a graduation present( a flight ticket to co$e for a &isit"3 3Beth7 Ho% $ar&elous73 Christy hadn't seen her sister since the birth of young !a&y" Her scholarship( supple$ented by fees fro$ pri&ate pupils and a s$all inheritance( allo%ed no such lu)ury as tra&el" E)cept for Aunt 'artha( Beth( %ho %as a year younger than Christy( re$ained her only relati&e" #he girls' parents had been killed in a s$all,plane crash on one of their fre/uent cross,country forays for anti/ues %hen the sisters %ere &ery young" #he subse/uent years spent in a girls' boarding school %ere still fresh in Christy's $e$ory2 the austere little gray roo$s8 the odors of fly spray in the cafeteria and chalk dust in the classroo$s8 ste% e&ery 1riday as predictable as the tides8 and al%ays the scarred tinny pianos stabled in the practice roo$s" Christy and Beth sho%ed little rese$blance e)cept for their %a&y auburn hair" 3Beth is such a pretty little thing(3 people al%ays said" In reality( Beth %as taller than Christy and inclined to%ard plu$pness( but she see$ed possessed of a %ide,eyed nai&ete that led those around her to act protecti&e" Christy often heard herself described as self,sufficient and perse&ering" 3Her chin is a little too fir$( don't you think: But she has &ery good bones( a girl %ith class"3 5hate&er that $eant( Christy thought and so$eti$es strung such co$$ents together like a puppet to &isuali e the co$posite they $ade" Actually she considered her appearance /uite ordinary %ith the undera&erage height and slender build that %ould ne&er stand out in a cro%d" #rue( strangers so$eti$es s$iled at her( and she often %ondered about that" And %hen she %as in college( a boy once told her that she had the serene ro$antic beauty of a Renoir" +he dis$issed the speech as e)tra&agant flattery but hoarded the co$pli$ent deep inside and dre% on its %ar$ resources for a long ti$e"

A1#ER #HE '-0#H+ of hard %ork and dedication in&ol&ed in preparing for her 'aster's recital( the days that follo%ed %ith Richard and Beth see$ed hea&enly( rela)ing around the backyard pool of their spacious ho$e" #here %ere &isits to the nearby college ca$pus( %here Richard taught biology( and e)cursions to the s$art Be&erly Hills shops %ith Aunt 'artha( %hose e)uberance %as a tonic Christy %ould ha&e liked to bottle and take ho$e %ith her" -ne fla% $arred the perfection of the &isit2 Beth sho%ed a disturbing tendency to o&erprotect her son" Christy rationali ed that her sister %as reacting to the hysterecto$y" +urely she %ould get o&er it" +till( if Beth continued( e&entually the burden %ould be too great for a little boy to handle" -ne e&ening they all planned to go to a play at the college( but at the last $inute Beth re;ected the girl Richard called to stay %ith !a&y" #here had been so$e tense $o$ents as Beth insisted she %ould not lea&e !a&y %ith anyone but 'rs" 'artin( their usual sitter" Richard pointed out to no a&ail that the neighbor girl %as %ell kno%n to the$ and e)perienced %ith young children" Later( %hen Beth left the roo$ to put !a&y to bed( Richard discussed the proble$ %ith Christy" 3I understand %hy she's concerned( but I'$ afraid it's getting out of hand(3 he said" #he bleak look in his eyes sho%ed his %orry" In the days that follo%ed( Beth t%ice kept !a&y ho$e fro$ his su$$er nursery,school session" 3Chicken po) is going around(3 she e)plained" 3You $ean so$e of !a&y's class$ates are do%n %ith it:3 35ell( of course a nursery school %ould be a perfect place to pick up so$ething like that(3 Beth said( a&oiding a direct ans%er" 3I agree that you shouldn't e)pose hi$( but don't e)pect to shield hi$ fore&er fro$ childhood diseases" #ry not to build a fence around your son( darling"3 3!on't fuss( Chris" You'll be here such a short ti$e" I %ant you to ha&e plenty of ti$e to get ac/uainted %ith your nephe%"3 And truly so$e of Christy's happiest hours %ere those she spent %ith young !a&y" #ousled red curls( a +teele trait( topped a freckled face that %ore a perpetual s$ile" 3A perfect $odel for a Hu$$el(3 Christy said as she ro$ped %ith hi$" 3Yes( isn't he73 Beth cried" Her eyes glea$ed %ith a ski$ of $oisture as %ords hung bet%een the$ unspoken" No more babies, Christy. No more babies. #HE 1ABRIC -1 #HEIR !AY+ stretched %ithout a ripple until al$ost the end of her &isit" Beth and Richard %ere due at a late,afternoon reception for a colleague at >"C"L"A" Aunt 'artha( %ho li&ed in nearby 5est%ood( planned a fa$ily dinner after%ard( and Christy and !a&y %ould dri&e o&er in ti$e to ;oin the$" #he day da%ned cloudy in spite of southern California's confident habit of uninterrupted August sunshine( and as Beth and Richard prepared to lea&e( rain began to fall" Beth took off her coat" 3I'll stay %ith !a&y(3 she announced" 3He shouldn't go out in this rain" He's not used to it" I'll call Aunt 'artha and e)plain"3 Christy looked at her sister in surprise( and Richard protested /uietly that it looked like a brief su$$er sho%er" #heir con&ersation held a threadbare /uality as though it had been repeated once too often" 3'y goodness( Beth( this is nothing" I'll dress !a&y %ar$ly( and he'll be fine(3 Christy said" 35e ought not to disappoint Aunt 'artha on our last night together" You kno% %hat a big thing she $akes o&er fa$ily dinners"3 Real concern edged Beth's &oice" 3I'$ afraid he'll catch cold" Children's illnesses flare /uickly( you kno%"3 3!on't let yourself gro% paranoid( darling" You don't %ant to beco$e one of those obno)ious o&er, protecti&e $others( do you:3 Christy argued" Beth glanced at her son( then back to Christy as if she %ere a trapped ani$al" 3I suppose you're right" But you shouldn't bla$e $e for being cautious" After all( he's the only child I'll e&er ha&e" I really prefer to stay ho$e %ith hi$"3 Christy felt torn as she looked at Beth's forlorn e)pression" *erhaps she ought not to insist after all" Aunt 'artha %ould probably understand" All too %ell( she thought sadly" !a&y hopped i$patiently at her side( an)ious to begin the pro$ised e)cursion" Christy looked do%n at his eager little( face and $ade up her $ind" 3!on't be a %orry%art( Beth" <o on %ith Richard to the reception(3 she said fir$ly and persuaded Beth back into her coat" 3#his stor$ is a fraud and %ill probably end in fi&e $inutes" Any%ay( you can depend

on $e" I'll take good care of our !a&y"3 Richard flashed Christy a grateful s$ile and hurried to bring the car around" Christy uneasily reali ed she and Beth still fell into their girlhood pattern %here Christy often $ade final decisions" Beth's shoulders drooped so pathetically as she ga&e !a&y a fare%ell hug that Christy %ondered again if she hadn't acted too high,handedly" +till( she defended herself( foundations ought to be laid( or Beth %ould s$other her child" Later she bundled !a&y into his rain gear( lifted the laughing child into her ar$s and bolted through the sho%er to the car" #hey dro&e through tree,lined suburbs and soon reached the $ain thoroughfare" !a&y happily %aggled his head to ape the %indshield %ipers and clapped his hands like a cherubic $etrono$e" +he s$iled at his capers and felt encouraged about the %isdo$ of their s$all e)cursion" #he stor$ increased( and the %ipers barely $aintained &isibility" +he slo%ed to a cra%l as she passed se&eral stalled cars" +he $ust dri&e carefully" It see$ed southern California streets could not acco$$odate such a hea&y do%npour" +he tested the brakes %hen she halted for a traffic signal" +o far( all right" #he light changed to green( and she crept into the intersection" +uddenly an air horn blared sa&agely" It %as follo%ed by the earsplitting shriek of brakes" A huge truck skidded( t%isted and slithered to%ard her like an enraged side%inder" In an a&alanche of terror she %renched the %heel %ith all her strength" A split second later ca$e the horrendous crunch of steel on steel( and she felt the car upend in a cart%heel of fire%orks( shattering glass and ;agged light" #hen e&erything turned to darkness"

CHAPTER TWO
-0 A 5AR' +E*#E'BER !AY al$ost a $onth later Richard and Beth had dri&en Christy ho$e fro$ the hospital" #he effects of concussion %ere o&er( but her fractured ankle %ould ha&e to re$ain in a cast for at least another $onth" #he gray apprehension that filled her contrasted cruelly %ith the golden autu$n ha e that %ashed the /uiet street %here they li&ed" +trange that e&erything looked the sa$e" Richard and Beth had &isited her often in the hospital( and although grief sho%ed plainly( Christy detected no reproach" In a %ay( that $ade the pain deeper" Aunt 'artha( dear soul( tried hard to lift her spirits" +he arri&ed al$ost daily( s%eeping into the antiseptic little roo$ as though acco$panied by a fanfare( filling it instantly %ith elegant scent and cheerful prattle" But in the %eeks that follo%ed( it see$ed as if they put on $asks and $o&ed in a gri$ pa&ane danced by strangers" #he death pheno$enon had gutted their e)istence" Christy felt po%erless to do anything about it" +he gre% tense( and her shoulders ached all the ti$e" +he %atched Richard seek solace in %ork" He added a series of night,school lectures to his teaching schedule and then filled %eekends %ith so $any field trips that he spent little ti$e at ho$e" Beth had changed in so$e nebulous %ay" <one %as the sensiti&e appealing girl of their youth" +he see$ed to ha&e passed o&er an in&isible barrier into so$e distant region kno%n only to herself" But for Christy there see$ed no %ay to escape the guilt and sorro% that filled her days and allo%ed only fitful sleep in tangled sheets at night" 0o $atter ho% she rationali ed( one clear truth re$ained" Had it not been for her stubborn insistence( !a&y %ould be ali&e" +he reli&ed the tragedy endlessly fro$ the e&ents on that rainy day to the $o$ent she %oke up in the hospital" A for$ had see$ed to float out of the %all to stand o&er her" 31eeling better:3 the for$ said and gradually $ateriali ed into a %o$an in %hite" Christy tried to turn and %inced in pain" 3I don't kno%(3 she said" 35here a$ I: A hospital:3 Her tongue felt infle)ible and thick" #he %o$an s$oothed the sheet %ith adept $o&e$ents and reached for Christy's pulse" 3Yes(3 she said crisply and fro%ned a%ay further interruption" Christy %aited until she finished" 3Ho% long ha&e I been here:3 31i&e days( I belie&e"3 1i&e days7 1i&e days in her life( &oid" +he stro&e to recall" 31i&e days(3 she said in %onder" 35hat's %rong %ith $e:3 #he %o$an in %hite %rote so$ething do%n on a chart" 3Concussion $ainly and a fractured ankle" Your doctor %ill be here shortly"3 Her &oice sounded antiseptic( %ithout color or inflection( a fitting accessory to the roo$" Christy felt relie&ed to see her recede into the ha e" Concussion" +trange to suffer %ith concussion" Concussion7 *anic shot through her body( seared it to the $elting point( and she heard again the horrendous tear of $etal and the shatter of glass"

3!a&y73 she screa$ed in terror as the dark curtain split to free her $e$ory" 5here %as !a&y: Her little nephe% had been strapped securely in his seat beside her in the car" 5here %as he no%: +he tried to thrust a leg o&er the side of the bed( but her body felt leaden and stiff" 3!a&y73 #he shrill hysteria of her cry triggered running feet" A nurse grasped her shoulders and eased her back into bed" A tall $an loo$ed suddenly at her side" 3I'$ !r" Hill( 'iss +teele(3 he said cal$ly %hile the nurse arranged her co&erlet" 3You ha&e sur&i&ed a serious accident" You are co$ing along %ell( but it is essential that you re$ain /uiet for a %hile"3 Accident7 #he %ord honed the $e$ory frag$ent into a terrible truth" #he pale green roo$ ca$e into focus( and the little radio on the bedside table concluded Beetho&en's +i)th( the *astorale" 3!a&y's dead(3 she said nu$bly" 3I'$ sorry( a tragedy(3 he said" 3Your car %as totaled" It's a $iracle that you sur&i&ed"3 3'iracle7 'y <od7 I'&e killed $y sister's child73 Christy cried" Con&ulsi&e sobs rose to %rack her body" -h( no" *lease( <od( don't let it be !a&y" 0ot the only child her sister could e&er ha&e7 0ot a toddler %hose life had barely begun7 !ark %a&es of nausea %ashed o&er her( and she felt as if she %ere dro%ning" 3You are in no %ay to bla$e( 'iss +teele(3 !r" Hill said %ith fir$ $echanical politeness" 3A truck %ith failing brakes skidded through an intersection against the signal"3 30o( no( you don't understand" It %as $y fault" I killed hi$73 Christy $oaned( unheeding" #he doctor reached for a syringe" +%iftly the light drained out of the roo$( and the $usic gre% faint" Christy lay a$ong gray shado%s feeling trapped( rigid( cold and cra$$ed %ith silent anguish" #HE 5EE6+ !RA<<E! +L-5LY( and no% that the cast %as re$o&ed( she de&oted hours e&ery day to tedious e)ercises" Each li$ping step re$inded her of the accident and kept open the ra% %ounds of her grief" +he'd resigned her ;ob( gi&en up the lease on her apart$ent %hile her piano languished in storage" 0e% York( her ;ob( the little studio apart$ent . they all see$ed unreal and re$ote( all e)cept her piano" +he $issed it terribly" +he felt re$o&ed( locked a%ay( like a piece of $usic stuffed into a cabinet and forgotten" 5orst of all %as the guilt" +he didn't kno% ho% she could li&e %ith it" <uilt %as an insidious thing" Like radioacti&e fallout( it affected e&ery cell in her body" It nu$bed her thinking( flung her into long periods of depression and left her no peace of $ind at all" It see$ed so$eone continually accused her2 3You are to bla$e( Christy +teele( to bla$e9to bla$e,,,3 And she kne% it %as true" But she had to get %ell" +he $ust beco$e a &iable indi&idual again so she could help her sister" 3-h( <od(3 she prayed again and again" 3Help $e to find so$e %ay to $ake up for %hat I'&e done to Beth and Richard"3 #hen one $orning as she stepped out on the porch to take her prescribed daily %alk( she left her crutches behind" #he sky see$ed %ashed %ith pure topa ( and chrysanthe$u$s splashed bron e and gold against fences" +he felt contrite" Ho% long had it been since she took in the beauty around her: It's time that you controlled your grief and stopped letting it control you, she told herself" *robably the pain %ould re$ain %ith her al%ays( but that %as so$ething she %ould ha&e to accept" Christy had been thinking about adoption for se&eral %eeks" +urely if Beth held a baby in her ar$s once $ore( healing %ould begin" !id she grasp at stra%s( she %ondered" 5ell( <od kne% she had to start so$e%here" +o secretly she started the rounds of adoption centers" 3You %ill probably ha&e to %ait al$ost three years for a child(3 the first $atron told her" #hree years7 Beth needed a baby no%" 3+o $any people %aiting:3 Christy asked" #he %o$an ga&e a sy$pathetic s$ile( /uoted statistics and told her no%adays fe%er un%ed $others ga&e up their babies for adoption" #hen she courteously in&ited Christy to bring her sister for an inter&ie%" Christy's hopes fell as each &isit added a carbon copy of failure" 0e&ertheless( she deter$ined to discuss the possibility %ith Beth and Richard soon" +o$e%here in this %orld there had to be a child for the$( and she %ould persist until she found one" 5hen at last Christy ad$itted she'd been haunting adoption agencies instead of looking for a ;ob( Beth acted al$ost resentful" 31orget it( Christy(3 she said( and her face beca$e a closed door %ith dead,bolt locks" 3But %hy: You planned on $ore children"3 3I can't afford to build up hope %hen there's practically no chance( at least for $e" !on't you think Richard has already looked into it:3 Christy leaned for%ard and co$pelled Beth to $eet her eyes" 3!on't gi&e up so /uickly" 5e'll locate a

baby for you" I'$ not going back to $y $usic nor to 0e% York until I find a child" If I don't succeed in California( I'll try other states"3 Beth shook her head" 3I can't let you do that(3 she said sadly" 3E&en if you located a baby( aren't you forgetting $y $edical record: I'd ne&er pass the re/uire$ents for an adopti&e parent"3 Christy stared at her sister( appalled" 3But you said the $alignancy hadn't spread" You are %ell( aren't you:3 Beth shrugged" 3-f course" But in all cases such as $ine( final clearance isn't gi&en for se&en or eight years"3 Eight years7 Christy tried to absorb the stupefying fact" 3Couldn't %e %ork through a physician pri&ately: I'&e heard of that"3 Beth stood up in a gesture of dis$issal" 3I lo&e you for trying( but no( darling"3 Christy %ould ha&e felt better if Beth had slapped her or shouted" But the desolate s$ile( the resigned e)pression shut her out co$pletely" +he didn't kno% ho% to handle that kind of retreat" #he telephone rang then like a referee signaling an end to their painful discussion" Beth %alked to ans%er( her shoulders held too straight( an actress in an uncon&incing role" +he chatted a fe% $inutes( then co&ered the $outhpiece %ith her pal$" 3It's Aunt 'artha(3 she said" 3+he %ants us to co$e to a little dinner party +aturday night" +he's &ery persuasi&e" 5hat do you think:3 -ther than their s$all fa$ily get,togethers( Christy hadn't attended a single social function since she'd co$e ho$e fro$ the hospital" It see$ed an eternity" *erhaps if she got in touch %ith the %orld again( she could learn to li&e %ith herself" Christy nodded" 3I think %e should go"3 Aunt 'artha re$ained the closestperson to a parent she had kno%n in her orphaned life" 5hen Christy reached her ;unior year in high school( Aunt 'artha retired fro$ her longti$e position as personnel $anager for a chain of depart$ent stores( took an apart$ent in 5est%ood and dedicated her custo$ary &er&e to%ard $aking a ho$e for her t%o" nieces" +he sa% Beth through a couple of years at >"C"L"A" introduced her to 3that darling *rofessor Chishol$3 and e)pertly orchestrated their %edding" In the $eanti$e( Christy had %on her scholarship to 4uilliard and $o&ed to 0e% York" Christy thought about her neglected %ardrobe" 3!id Aunt 'artha say ho% $any guests she'd in&ited:3 30o" +he'll probably ha&e her usual potpourri( e)cept she did $ention 'ark Brandon"3 35ho is he:3 3-ne of !ouglas Enterprises' bright young e)ecuti&es and a special fa&orite of Aunt 'artha's" You probably kne% his %ife in high school" !arcy 1arrell9re$e$ber her: #hey %ere recently di&orced"3 !arcy 1arrell" -f course" #he taffy blonde %ith the enchanting s$ile( star of the dra$a depart$ent( pro$ /ueen( cheerleader( ad infinitu$" +he $ust ha&e been a couple of years older than Christy( and she had had the ulti$ate distinction of belonging to the 3in3 group( according to that $ysterious shuffling by adolescents that segregates peer groups as rigidly as caste syste$s" At the ti$e Christy fer&ently en&ied their cur&aceous figures( their casual chic and the %orldly sophistication %ith %hich they cut a class" 'ost of all( she longed for a little of their sparkle and self,confidence" As a $ousy $e$ber of the school honor society( $ore co$fortable %ith adults than her class$ates( she kne% /uite %ell she had no opportunity to beco$e a $e$ber of !arcy's select circle" 0o% she regarded her adolescent &alues %ith tolerance" >ntil the tragedy of little !a&y splintered her life( she had gro%n basically co$fortable %ith herself( still bookish perhaps( but she lo&ed books" +he ran her life by the$" 35hat happened to !arcy's $arriage:3 she asked( hauling herself a%ay fro$ her $e$ories" Beth shrugged" 35ho kno%s: 'ark %as si) years her senior" +he $arried at nineteen and had a baby right a%ay" 0ot ready for do$esticity( I e)pect( or possibly too i$$ature"3 A picture of the !arcy that Christy recalled( pro;ecting an i$age of i$$aturity( struck her as highly incongruous" 3H$$(3 she said" 3-ur darling auntie %ouldn't %ant to act the $atch$aker again:3 A shado% of a s$ile touched Beth's lips" 3-rdinarily( yes( but in 'ark's case( I think it hardly likely" Actually this is supposed to be a fare%ell party for hi$" I understand he's lea&ing soon for northern California to take o&er a ne% ;ob"3 #hat pro&ed co$forting infor$ation" Christy did not yet feel ready to cope %ith any of Aunt 'artha's bright young $en" +he chose for the occasion her long pink %ool knit %ith a $atching ;acket( hoping the ;acket %ould conceal the %eight she'd lost" And $aybe her cheeks %ould reflect its %ar$ color" +he stared into the $irror" A$a ing ho% a person could $ask pain" -nly her unusually thin face sho%ed %hat she'd been

through" +he brushed her eyelids %ith shado% and added $ascara to her lashes( but this touch see$ed only to e$phasi e the %an aspect of her co$ple)ion( so she %ashed it off" +uddenly grief o&er%hel$ed her" +he sank do%n on the bed and held her head in her hands" Ho% could she attend a party and act as if nothing had changed: *eople %ould s$ile and engage in ci&il e&asions" 3Hello( Christy( ho% are you:3 they %ould ask( and all the %hile they %ould think2 *oor thing7 I$agine ha&ing that on your conscience for the rest of your life" Richard called that he %ould bring the car around" et hold of yourself, Christy, she ad$onished and hurriedly patched up her $akeup" It took only $inutes to dri&e o&er( and they soon $ade their %ay up the ornate %rought,iron stair%ay" Aunt 'artha hugged the$ effusi&ely and dre% the$ inside her ne%ly decorated apart$ent" -range carpeting( this ti$e( Christy noted( and enough hanging plants to &ie %ith an arboretu$" Beth and Richard ;oined the other guests( but Christy re$ained in the bedroo$ after she shed her coat" +he s$oothed out a %rinkle in her dress" #he dinner go%n see$ed appropriate enough an hour ago( but no% it looked li$p and a little do%dy" +he fussed %ith her hair and listened to the fluctuating dyna$ics of the con&ersation in the ne)t roo$" +he $ust ;oin the party before so$eone $issed her" !top procrastinating, she told herself" It's time you coped with the person you've become. "ou probably will never again meet others without this sense of strangeness, no matter how time eases the hurt. +he %alked to the li&ing roo$ and stood for a $o$ent by a giant tropical plant" 4ust like so$e ani$al sniffing out the territory( she thought and %ondered %hat role Aunt 'artha had assigned her( as if she didn't kno%" Aunt 'artha usually arranged her guest lists %ith as $uch forethought as she de&oted to her gour$et dishes( balancing the talkers against the listeners( usually including a harle/uin for spice( so$eone of pro$inence to create a center of interest and in&ariably so$eone ne% to pro&ide the $ystery ingredient" #onight( %ith only si)( she de&iated fro$ the for$ula" -nly Aunt 'artha's neighbor !r" !aniel and the guest of honor %ere not fa$ily" -ne could trust Aunt 'artha to arrange a tactful stepping,stone to pa&e her nieces' %ay back into society" Beth sat in a terra,cotta,flo%ered chair %ith a glass of cha$pagne in her hand" Richard stood behind her( e&er the guardian angel" Beth postured creditably the attenti&e listener( but her face %ore that $ask again . pale and forlorn( %ith a pasted,on s$ile" Christy %inced and turned her ga e to the tall $an standing by the fireplace" +o this %as 'ark Brandon( the guest of honor" He re$ained the only person in the roo$ she didn't kno%" Beth had said he %as thirtyish( but his face %as rather deeply lined for so$eone that age( or $aybe it only appeared so in the firelight" -ddly at this distance he looked enough like her o%n fa$ily to clai$ $e$bership2 the spare athletic fra$e that indicated he $ight ;og si) $iles e&ery $orning before breakfast8 the auburn hair cut %ith $odish fullness( the sa$e color as her o%n( $aybe a shade darker8 and the sa$e strong chin" All e)cept his height( of course" #he +teeles %ere s$all people" Christy took in the assured %ay he gestured as he spoke to Richard" Beth had described hi$ %ith accuracy( all right" -ne needn't look t%ice to identify hi$ as one of !ouglas Enterprises' bright young $en" But there %as so$ething else" -ne didn't notice it at first( and e&en no% she $ight i$agine it" It had so$ething to do %ith the pure essence of integrity( as though he kne% ho% to sort out &alues and re;ect the inferior choice" +he didn't feel reluctant to $eet hi$ after all" If she kept co$pany %ith enough strong, $inded people( perhaps she could edge into the pattern" An irrational hope( of course" +he $ust con;ure up purpose for herself( the kind that sang through one's &eins like a &ital $elody( so she could do %hat $ust be done" #hen Aunt 'artha sailed o&er( her flo%ing green caftan shot through %ith sapphire like the plu$age of so$e e)otic bird" 3Co$e( darling(3 she said and dre% Christy o&er to the fireplace" 3Christy( 'ark Brandon" I'&e %anted to get you t%o redheads together for a long ti$e( and of course( you kno% e&eryone else"3 *leasantries %ere e)changed( and !r" !aniel busied hi$self adding a log to the fire" Aunt 'artha drafted Beth to help %ith the hors d'oeu&res( and 'ark poured cha$pagne" He lifted his glass" 3Cheers to the lady in pink(3 he said %ith a s$ile" A safe innocuous toast( she thought and kne% she had ne&er seen eyes so deeply blue" #he fa$ily rese$blance she noted earlier certainly did not include the eyes" 3#hank you(3 she said" 3And I hear congratulations are in order on your ne% ;ob"3 His s$ile t%isted" 3I'$ afraid not" As of this afternoon I found $yself out of the picture"3 +he read keen disappoint$ent and felt regret at her unfortunate salute" 3I'$ sorry(3 she $ur$ured" He shrugged" 3I guess I'll li&e(3 he said" 3#he ;ob pro;ection %as only for a year( but it represented a

challenge I'd ha&e gi&en anything to accept"3 Christy sipped her cha$pagne and tried to think of so$e diplo$atic reply" He had an interesting face( this 'ark Brandon" A $o$ent ago his eyes had glistened %ith the e)cite$ent of a s$all boy e)a$ining a pri e toy" 0o% he fenced her out( his e)pression stern( and yet she sensed &ulnerability there" 3I'$ a $achinery buff(3 he continued" 3+o this ;ob co$bined the best of t%o %orlds for $e" 'oreo&er( an Australian co$pany %ill $onitor the &enture and has pro$ised to hire the director at the end of the year to set up a si$ilar franchise chain in their country" #hat's the part that really hurts"3 3I can understand( particularly %hen I hear of your e)cellent /ualifications(3 she said" He set his glass do%n %ith the kind of guarded look that $ade her %onder if she had said so$ething unpardonable" 3?ualifications: All e)cept one(3 he said dryly" 3Apparently the &ice,president in charge of franchise operations %as una%are of $y di&orce" You see( +a$ !ouglas prefers to use husband,and,%ife tea$s in his franchise ga$e"3 +o his di&orce $ade for double bitterness( she thought" Aunt 'artha interrupted the$ to offer a tray of stea$ing $ushroo$s" Her sharp ears had caught the con&ersation" 3-h( that +a$ !ouglas7 5hy doesn't so$eone alert hi$ that this is the t%entieth century:3 'ark grinned" 3'ada$( I no$inate you as a co$$ittee of one"3 +he urged hi$ to take another $ushroo$" 35ell( young $an( the $ountain could go to 'uha$$ad"3 He popped another $ushroo$ into his $outh and s%allo%ed it" 3'y dear 'artha( but of course" 5ill you do $e the honor:3 Aunt 'artha pinched his cheek affectionately" 3I$pudent young cuss7 Ask $e again %hen I'$ forty years younger(3 she said and $o&ed on to ser&e the others" 3+o you'll be staying here( after all(3 Christy said" He fro%ned slightly" 3-h( no" 0e&er say !ouglas Enterprises doesn't take care of its o%n" I understand that %hen 'r" !ouglas arri&es ne)t %eek( I'$ to be offered the $anage$ent of the #e)as office"3 3#hat's /uite a pro$otion" Is there anything %rong %ith that:3 3Cattle( 'iss +teele( cattle73 he said bitterly" At that $o$ent Aunt 'artha announced dinner( and as usual( her table ri&aled the illustrations in a gour$et $aga ine" A sil&er epergne filled %ith deep pink roses and baby's breath for$ed the centerpiece on the pink da$ask cloth" Crea$y Lenno) china and cranberry crystal sparkled in the candlelight" #hey found their places( and Christy felt surprised to disco&er she had a real appetite for the e)/uisitely prepared food" +he e&en basked in the flattery of an attenti&e listener as she told 'ark Brandon about her student years( her $usic and her belo&ed +tein%ay so far a%ay" +he kne% full %ell she %as being encouraged to talk about herself on Aunt 'artha's e)plicit instructions" 0e&ertheless( so$ething %as getting through to her" #he gna%ing ache of !a&y's death re$ained close to the surface( but she could still go through the $otions of a gracious guest %ithout plaguing others %ith her pri&ate feelings" Little tongues of blue fire licked briefly at their cherries ;ubilee( and they lingered o&er coffee ser&ed in the lo&ely opa/ue cups" Aunt 'artha accepted their accolades( then led the$ to the li&ing roo$ %here 'ark and Beth pounced on an unfinished cross%ord pu le that lay %ith so$e books" 3E&eryone pitch in(3 'ark ordered" He found a pencil" 35e need a child of the streets" 1i&e letters"3 3<a$in(3 Richard ans%ered pro$ptly( 3+$arty" 0o% a four,letter %ord( a child of the sun(3 Beth said" 3Inca73 e&eryone shouted together" Christy flinched at the unfortunate sub;ect of the pu le" #e need a child, we need a child$ +he glanced around( but no one else see$ed disturbed by the association" 3You're all &ery sharp(3 'ark said( 3but this ne)t one $ay cool your ego" 5hat son of a great $usician co$posed so$ething called '+olfegietto':3 #he firelight shone pleasantly on the t%o bent heads( 'ark's deep rust and Beth's like burnished copper" +uddenly an i$possible notion tore into Christy's consciousness( and she felt all fire and ice" -dd ho% a set of circu$stances could trigger a concept so rational that she found it difficult to $ask her elation" 3Christy73 so$eone said" +he beca$e a%are that her na$e had been called $ore than once" 1lustered( she looked around as e&eryone stared" Aunt 'artha ca$e to her rescue" 35hat's the $atter( darling: !on't you feel %ell:3 Christy shook her head and asked the$ to repeat the /uestion" 3Carl *hilipp E$anuel Bach(3 she said( still flushed %ith e$barrass$ent" 3+on of 4ohann +ebastian Bach"3 3Euterpe to the rescue73 'ark cried" #he group plainly felt a$used and protecti&e of little Christy( %ho couldn't hold her %ine( and they

finished the pu le %ithout further attention to her" -nly 'ark continued to look at her /ui ically fro$ ti$e to ti$e" +he %alked o&er to study a &i&id <auguin,like painting( a picture she kne% /uite %ell( lest so$e si)th sense enlighten hi$" It see$ed an aeon before they said their goodbyes" +he couldn't %ait for the solitude of her roo$ %here she could look at this %illful idea %ith ob;ecti&ity( %here she could decide for sure if she had at last disco&ered a plan to help Beth and Richard( or %hether she had lost her reason" At last she closed her door" 1or hours she %restled %ith the sche$e" +he %as a planner by nature" +he couldn't function %ell unless she %as organi ed( and she liked to see things do%n on paper( a bare,bones blueprint not e$bellished %ith confusing paraphernalia like e$otions" #he idea spa%ned by firelight and %ine and crosscurrents of %ords spoken and unspoken rocketed her spirits sky,high( and she kne% she had found an ans%er at last" +he( Christy( %ould bear a child for her sister" If 'ark Brandon %ould consent to act as father( surely Christy %ould ha&e a curly,haired redheaded baby like little !a&y"

CHAPTER THREE
CHRI+#Y +#R><<LE! for a sense of proportion as she considered e&ery angle" Could she support herself during such a &enture: +he had only the s$all $onthly inco$e fro$ her trust fund" But if she found a to%n %here she %as not kno%n and found a ;ob( she'd $anage" 5hat about the e$barrassing prospect of asking 'ark: 5as she prepared to deal %ith a tarnished reputation if $atters %ere disco&ered: Any girl %ho had a baby out of %edlock faced proble$s" Ho% %ould she feel about gi&ing up a child of her o%n flesh %hen the ti$e ca$e: !id she ha&e that kind of courage: Could she settle for the role of a distant lo&ing aunt: 5ould she be able to %atch this child gro% up and ne&er dare to breathe( 3He's $ine( he's really $ine73: +he %ouldn't allo% herself to d%ell on it" All these concerns d%indled in significance %hen she considered the pro$ise of placing a child in Beth's ar$s( and one %ith her o%n blood ties at that" If 'ark could not be persuaded( there %ere surely other acceptable red,haired $ales" Her o%n life had been singularly sheltered( but she %as not nai&e enough to belie&e it %ould be difficult in today's %orld to find so$eone interested in a fleeting liaison" *erhaps she should look into artificial inse$ination" #he clinical procedure %ould sol&e half the e$barrass$ent" But she %as certain the la% did not allo% such an arrange$ent for an un$arried %o$an" 1irst she $ust decide %hether to e)plain her purpose to 'ark and offer to pro&ide hi$ %ith a %ritten release if he %ould cooperate( or to pursue their relationship and say nothing" Her $ind trod gingerly around seduction" +he preferred an honest approach" Her courage fled co$pletely %hen 'ark called her later that day" It see$ed he'd une)pectedly co$e into t%o tickets for a popular $usical and %ould like the pleasure of her co$pany" #%o nights later %hen he in&ited her out to dinner( she felt e&en $ore reticent" #he proposal should be set forth in a businesslike and dispassionate $anner %ithout the erosi&e /ualities of candlelight and dinner %ith an engaging host" If she %ent to his office as a client and not as the young %o$an %ho had been sy$pathetically filling the interlude before his departure to #e)as( perhaps she could articulate the proposition" Christy kne% she rationali ed her procrastination( but surely Beth had gro%n $ore cheerful of late" *erhaps Beth and Richard %ere easing back into a nor$al life after all" #hen that night Christy %akened to hear anguished sobs co$ing fro$ their bedroo$( and she kne% nothing had changed" #he ne)t $orning she chose her best suit( a rich bro%n %ool %ith a bo)y ;acket( and ad;usted the %hite collar of her blouse %ith care" #he $irror pro;ected a rather con&incing i$age of a de$ure young %o$an oddly at &ariance %ith her intent" After Beth left %ith a friend for a faculty,%i&es' $eeting( Christy dialed !ouglas Enterprises" +he kept her &oice crisp as she asked for 'r" Brandon's secretary" 'r" Brandon %as in conference %ith 'r" !ouglas at the $o$ent but %ould be a&ailable for an ele&en,thirty appoint$ent( the secretary ad&ised" E&erything $o&ed too fast" #HE 'A0 5H-' +HE'! 'E# for the first ti$e last +aturday e&ening sat across fro$ her no% and took in her blunt proposition" +he clasped her hands together in her lap and sat incredibly still to a%ait his response" His eyes held an undefinable e)pression" 35hy( Christy( do I take this as a $arriage proposal:3 he asked

at last" 3-h( no73 she cried" 3I don't %ant $arriage" You'&e totally $isunderstood" It's true that I %ant you to9to sire the child"3 +he choked o&er the %ords" 3But you need ne&er see $e again" I'll not re&eal your na$e( e&er" I'll sign a release or %hate&er you %ant" I plan to go out of state during $y pregnancy and not tell Beth the truth e&en %hen I gi&e her the baby"3 'ark stared( incredulous" 3I can't belie&e this73 he e)clai$ed and shot her a look that turned her face on fire" +he'd had her say and not said it %ell" He rose and paced the roo$ t%ice( then sat do%n on the edge of the desk to confront her" 3Christy(3 he said /uietly" 3You of all people7 5hat featherbrained sche$e ha&e you concocted: I couldn't let you chase across the country( <od kno%s %here( carrying $y offspring" I hope I'$ $ore responsible than that( especially %hen the girl's $oti&e see$s $ighty suspect"3 Christy straightened her shoulders in an effort to co$bat hu$iliation" 30e&er $ind the $oti&e" I'll be accountable for $y actions" I'&e studied e&ery angle( and it see$s to $e that the gift of a child to a %o$an %ho is unable to bear one is reason enough"3 'ark beat a fist on the desk" 3But $y <od7 5hy not adoption:3 3I'&e checked into that( and so has Richard" #here are hardly any children a&ailable" It $ight take years( and e&en so( Beth's cancer record is against her(3 Christy e)plained" His eyes narro%ed" 35ell( %hat of the child: !oes it play the sacrificial la$b in your little sche$e:3 Anger e)ploded %ithin her" 3+acrificial la$b7 5hat child could be $ore %anted and lo&ed: 0o infant %ould suffer in such an en&iron$ent"3 +o$ething flared briefly in 'ark's face( then disappeared" 3Are you certain: I understand Beth tended to be o&erprotecti&e" Any%ay( do you think she %ould consider another child so soon:3 3+he's too grief stricken to kno% %hat she %ants" 6no%ing ho% she adores children( I'$ positi&e another child is the ans%er"3 A curtain ca$e do%n o&er his face( and she felt the barrier co$e bet%een the$" He left his desk and stared out the %indo% a fe% seconds( then returned" 3It's /uite a proposition( 'iss Christy +teele(3 he said" 3By the %ay( the na$e is apt" But are you %illing to ta$per %ith so $any li&es: Yours: 'ine: Beth's and Richard's: And pri$arily( a child's:3 3I belie&e it's %orth it73 3!on't play <od( Christy73 3You don't understand at all73 'ark leaned for%ard and forced her to $eet his eyes" 3I suspect you'&e $anufactured a rather o&er%hel$ing guilt co$ple) and are seeking an escape hatch(3 he said e&enly" +he rose" #ears stung her eyes" 3If I needed a psychiatrist( I %ouldn't ha&e co$e to you73 she snapped" He stiffened" 3#hen perhaps you'&e knocked at the %rong door73 Her shattered pride put stu$bling blocks around her feet( but she $anaged to head out of the office" +he should ha&e thanked 'ark for his ti$e( but she couldn't trust her &oice" Re$otely she sa% hi$ hold out a hand to stay her( but she %anted no $ore of 'ark Brandon" +he didn't %ait for the ele&ator but fle% do%n the stair%ay and out to the side%alk" Half%ay do%n the block she reali ed she had passed the lot %here she left the car" Across the street a s$all park thrust a ha&en of green grass and bare,boned syca$ores against the insistence of encroaching buildings" A cool noonti$e sun thre% stringy shado%s across the grounds as if to ca$ouflage it against intruders" +he found a solitary bench and sank do%n to %atch spray burst fro$ a sculptured lotus fountain" At ti$es such as this it helped to focus on e)ternals" Christy often used the de&ice to regain perspecti&e" #he $inutes passed( but today no a$ount of concentration re%arded her efforts" Her head throbbed( and she felt as though an iron %eight pressed do%n on her body" +he turned to %atch a s$all flock of gulls s%oop do%n to perfor$ a ner&ous ballet( raucously begging a handout" 3Consider the sea gull(3 a /uiet $ale &oice said at her side" 'ark Brandon's &oice" 3It's ;ust not true that %hen you'&e seen one( you'&e seen 'e$ all"3 Christy stared do%n at his neatly polished bro%n shoes( but she couldn't bring herself to look up" 3'ay I:3 he asked and sat do%n %ithout a%aiting her reply" He opened a s$all paper sack and pulled out so$e apples and a chunk of orange cheddar" He cut the$ into pieces %ith a pocketknife and handed her a share" 3Lunch:3 he asked co$panionably as if they hadn't been snapping at each other like the ill, te$pered gulls only $o$ents ago" 3#ry this cheese(3 he continued" 3You could na$e a king for it"3 3Ho% did you kno% I ca$e here:3 Christy asked and kept her tone chilly"

He took his ti$e $unching the ;uicy apple" 3I often co$e here for a breather(3 he said innocently" 3I find the co$pany of the gulls therapeutic" 5atch73 He tossed out a slice of the apple" #he birds di&ed in frantic unison( but one large gull s/uatted o$inously( ruffled its feathers into a fearso$e hu$p( then bulldo ed its %ay through the flock( screeching outrageously until it grabbed, the fruit for itself" 3Brute force in action(3 'ark co$$ented" Christy noticed a ti$id bird edging its %ay around the flock( $aking ineffectual $o&e$ents( and she thre% it a tidbit" It snatched the pri e but dropped it at the first challenger" 30o self,confidence(3 'ark said" 3<i&e hi$ another season" But( aha7 0o% see that ballerina( a lady %ith class"3 1ro$ the center of the flock a single gull rose in a graceful entrechat to secure the treat %ith an easy skill" #i$e after ti$e the gull repeated the feat" 36eeps her eye on the ball and refuses to s/uabble"3 Christy eyed 'ark suspiciously" 3I ha&e a feeling $ore is going on here than a casual lecture on ornithological beha&ior(3 she said( not %ithout sarcas$" He grinned" 3I'$ rarely obscure(3 he said" 3*erhaps that's $y proble$" I si$ply find indi&idual differences fascinating" And speaking of birds( I find the little copperheaded stor$y +teele /uite rare indeed"3 Christy brushed cru$bs fro$ her lap" +o far as 'ark Brandon %as concerned( she soon see$ed to ha&e reached a dead end" Ho% could she e)plain ade/uately about e&ents that are supposed to strengthen one's character but in her case see$ed only to create erosion: +he could only say2 %oo&, something has spilled all the notes off my score, and I seem unable to unscramble them. +he stole a /uick glance" At least he didn't see$ angry any$ore( e&en slightly" 3I'$ sorry about this $orning(3 she said hesitantly" 3You $ust ha&e found $y re/uest infinitely gauche" Can you $anage to forget the %hole thing:3 3I can't forget it"3 He laid stress on each %ord" 3In fact( I'&e beco$e obsessed %ith it"3 3#hat $akes t%o of us(3 Christy said bitterly" He reached o&er and placed his hand lightly on hers" 3+top apologi ing for being uni/ue(3 he said" +he nibbled the last bite of cheese" 3I'$ not sure if I should thank you" Is that supposed to be a co$pli$ent:3 His laugh held no $irth" 3I'&e rarely been accused of great finesse(3 he replied" +o 'ark had been dra%n and /uartered( too" +he dre% her ;acket closer against the %intry chill and noticed a subtle $o&e$ent in a scatter of lea&es( then heard the angry skirl of the gulls( the final reproof" 5ell( so $uch for her daring intentions" 3I $ust go(3 Christy said and got up fro$ the bench" 3#hanks for lunch"3 He reached for her ar$ and pulled her back do%n beside hi$" 3Hold on" I de$and e/ual ti$e in this conference"3 Christy felt spent" +he offered no resistance" 31irst of all(3 he said( 3I'd no right at all to $ake a ;udg$ent on your sensiti&e circu$stances this $orning" I hope you'll forgi&e that"3 Christy stole a look at his face( no% turned gra&e and introspecti&e" Her spirits lifted cautiously( like a %hipped dog unsure of its en&iron$ent" 3-f course(3 she $ur$ured" #hey sat /uietly for a fe% $o$ents and %atched the gulls suddenly forsake their bickering and leap si$ultaneously( as though at so$e $ysterious signal( to disappear beyond the syca$ores" +uddenly 'ark %added the e$pty sack and hurled it forcefully into a nearby trash can" 3!a$n it( Christy( the &ery thought of a girl like you ro$ping around the country propositioning a bunch of redheaded $ales sends chills do%n $y spine73 Ho% little he kne% her" 0e&er again could she go through this e)perience" 0e&ertheless( she couldn't resist a barb" 3I %ould need to approach so $any:3 3#ouch@73 he said but did not s$ile" 3I $ean it7 'y $ind has been taking potshots at this %hole situation( and no $atter ho% I look at it( I can co$e up %ith only one solution" 5e'll ha&e to get $arried"3 Christy faced hi$( astounded" 3'arried7 5hat possible $oti&e could you ha&e for $arrying $e:3 His ga e turned obscure" 30e&er $ind the $oti&e" Let's ;ust say I'll be personally accountable for $y actions"3 His tone told her nothing" 3-kay( I deser&e that(3 she ackno%ledged( 3but I'$ not ready for $arriage"3 31or so$eone not ready for $arriage( you see$ $ighty bent on putting the cart before the horse(3 he

said testily" Christy felt eager to clarify her position" 35hat you $ust understand is that this is a special circu$stance in no %ay related to true $arriage" I consider $yself $erely a biological &ehicle" I don't plan to in&est e$otion in this act" 5hen it's o&er( I shall regard it as a closed chapter( a locked roo$"3 'ark shook his head" 3You're $ore nai&e than I i$agined if you belie&e in that kind of detach$ent"3 30ot nai&e" I belie&e in ruling %ith the head( ob;ecti&ity( intellectual discipline or %hate&er you %ant to call it"3 3H$$(3 he $uttered thoughtfully" 3I'&e had the other e)tre$e( you kno%( %ith a for$idable lack of success"3 1or a $o$ent his e)pression turned re$ote( and he shut her a%ay %hile he d%elled in pri&ate $e$ories" He got up and stepped o&er to the fountain and see$ed to concentrate on its bubbling %aters for a %hile( then straightened" 3After $y po$pous little lecture on $orals and $oti&es this $orning( I suspect $y proposal strikes you as pretty da$n hypocritical"3 3You'&e lost $e(3 she said" 35hy not skip the intellectuali ing and ;ust consider the proposal:3 Christy stared blankly as a thought sei ed her" #his ne% tack $ight not be as obli/ue as it sounded" 3Are you trying to say that a %ife could $ake a difference in your ;ob at this late date:3 3You $ay belie&e I %ant that 5est Coast position $ore than any opportunity I'&e e&er sought in $y entire life( in particular the Australian $anagership that follo%s"3 3And it had been pro$ised to you:3 31or the past $onth I thought it %as in the bag"3 3But for a $atter of di&orce:3 3You ha&e to reali e that +a$ !ouglas is a $an %ho cherishes his fetishes" #his particular ;ob in&ol&es setting up rental,e/uip$ent centers on a franchise basis in the %estern states" 1or the $ost part( the businesses are s$all and fa$ily operated" A $odel !ouglas Rent,All Center is located in +an 1elipe near +an 1rancisco" Head/uarters %ould be there"3 'ark's face gre% ani$ated" 3In&ariably the %i&es co$e along %ith their husbands to learn about the setup( and +a$ holds the old,fashioned notion that deals can be consu$$ated $ore effecti&ely o&er a fe% drinks and a ho$e,cooked $eal than in an office" A husband,and,%ife tea$ set up +a$'s first successful franchise years ago( and he's sung the sa$e tune e&er since in spite of the stunning inno&ations I'&e proposed"3 3But for so$eone %ho is able to read a cookbook and dust the furniture( the ;ob is yours:3 His eyebro%s lifted in a$use$ent" 3+a$ !ouglas is a stubborn $an"3 3#he secretary $entioned your conference %ith hi$ this $orning" A suppose he %as still ada$ant:3 'ark looked at her oddly" 3Let's ;ust say that if I told hi$ about a bride in the offing( +a$ !ouglas %ould lay on blessings that %ouldn't stop"3 3And the Australians:3 she asked" 3!o they ha&e this sa$e connubial re/uire$ent:3 He shook his head" 30o9%hich adds up to a frustrating situation"3 Her pulse began to race" A certain arrange$ent $ight be possible that could benefit the$ both" #he ti$e factor appeared fa&orable enough" -ne year %ould gi&e her ti$e to get pregnant and allo% 'ark to take the ;ob he %anted so $uch" +he caught his sur&eillance( /uestioning( $easuring" 35hat's perking in that head of yours:3 he asked" 3I'&e been $ulling o&er your proposal"3 +he spoke slo%ly( testing each %ord lest the tenuous try at co$$unication break again" 3I belie&e such a contract 5ould %ork"3 3Contract73 3Yes(3 she said and felt as though so$eone had ;ust thro%n her a lifeline" 3I %ould prefer to call it a contract rather than a $arriage" It %ould be $ore honest" -f course( %e can go through a ci&il cere$ony for society's sake" A year's ti$e %ill allo% each of us to achie&e our indi&idual goals" #hen the contract can be ter$inated( no strings attached73 3A$a ing( if not crassly self,ser&ing73 35ell( aren't $ost goals achie&ed through selfish $eans:3 she argued" 35hy not call it dedication:3 3You baffle $e(3 he said" 3Besides( you think off center" I'$ afraid I'$ no sparring partner in your ga$e of se$antics"3 3You're $aking so$ething co$ple) out of this situation( and it's really /uite si$ple"3 3Is it:3 he asked( and his eyes glea$ed %ickedly" 3You're a &ery attracti&e young %o$an" +uppose . 3 3If you're asking %hether the contract includes %hat is euphe$istically referred to as '$arital rights(' it does(3 she interrupted"

3Considering the scenario( I hadn't i$agined you intended to in&oke i$$aculate conception(3 he dra%led" +he blushed furiously" 3I'$ speaking for the entire period of the contract"3 'ark see$ed to assess her confusion and again gre% serious" 3Has it occurred to you that such an arrange$ent $ight lead to a certain e$otional in&ol&e$ent: Yes( yes( I kno%( 'E$otions can be intellectually disciplined"' 3 Christy ignored the sarcas$" 3Right( and it's essential that %e follo% through" *erhaps %e should %rite that into the contract and notari e it( or %hate&er one does %ith contracts"3 He thre% up his hands in a hopeless gesture" 3!a$$it( Christy( you're unbelie&able7 5hy lock oursel&es into so$ething that $ight change: I think you should face up to the fact that you'&e had a pretty hea&y trip this past year( and you $ay co$e to ha&e second thoughts about this sche$e of yours" +peaking for $yself( I'd like us to consider a lasting $arriage" All the potentials are present"3 Christy shook her head" 3You still don't understand( do you: -ur concern in this instance is not for a successful $arriage( only a successful contract" A successful $arriage %ould pro&e a detri$ent" #hink about it" #he child is pro$ised to other parents" At the end of the year I intend to go back to $y $usic in 0e% York( and you'll be free for your foreign &entures" 5e $ust re$ain single,$inded"3 He sighed and took his seat beside her on the bench again" 3I don't kno%" #his contract thing of yours see$s a pretty tall order" I'$ not sure I'$ up to it"3 3#hink of it as a business partnership(3 she said( eager to e)plain a%ay his reser&ations" He banged his fist on the bench" 35ith a contract for a security blanket against acting like a hu$an being7 !oesn't this theory of yours lea&e any roo$ for ad&enture( spontaneity( risk( a little sharing of one's self: I do take it %e're allo%ed to speak to each other(3 he said dryly" 3Let's see if I ha&e this straight2 5e $ust not in&est any part of oursel&es in this partnership( no real inti$acy e)cept on a purely physical le&el"3 He put his hands on her shoulders and roughly turned her to face hi$" 3+ure you can cope %ith that:3 Christy's face burned( but she nodded e$phatically" Focus on the goal, she re$inded herself" 'motions are capricious and have to be ignored in this e(perience. He stared at her for a $o$ent( then released her" 3I $ust get back to the office8 You run along ho$e %hile I i$part our stunning ne%s to +a$ !ouglas and plan the strategy for our %hirl%ind courtship"3 #hey left the little park in an uneasy silence( and Christy felt like a child %ho'd ;ust had its hands slapped and been sent off for a nap" #hey stood selfconsciously %hile she fu$bled for her keys" +uddenly 'ark reached for her hand and grasped it so fir$ly she %inced" 3It's agreed( then:3 he asked( his deep blue eyes as re$ote as a stranger's" 3Agreed(3 Christy ans%ered" #heir pact %as sealed" He %alked briskly a%ay" Her fingers felt bruised and her feelings( as %ell" #here see$ed so $uch $ore they both should ha&e said"

CHAPTER FOUR
'E#H-!ICAL *LA00I0< ca$e as easily to Christy as slipping on an old pair of shoes" +he supposed her co$pulsion for $aking lists( records( schedules and the like sho%ed the occupational ha ard of a %orrier or $aybe a perfectionist" 0e&ertheless( she cra&ed the peace of $ind that resulted fro$ orderliness" E&en in $usic( art and literature( it %as for$ and structure that fascinated her" 0o %onder she had an affinity for Bach" *erhaps such concern sho%ed a longing for the security she'd lacked in her life" 'ake a plan( and e&erything %ill turn out all right" But this ti$e she found herself in a predica$ent" Ho% could she e)plain to Beth and Richard that she %as going to $arry a $an she'd barely $et: +he agoni ed o&er e)planations( tested the$ for logic and ine&itably thre% the$ out" +he needn't ha&e %orried" 'ark Brandon e$erged as a take,charge guy %ith enough plans for the ne)t couple of %eeks to $ake their decision look plausible" He called %hile she still ste%ed o&er the proble$( his $ood far re$o&ed fro$ that of the re$ote $an fro$ %ho$ she parted only yesterday" 3You o%e $e so$e getting,ac/uainted ti$e(3 he said easily" 3I'll pick you up for dinner" #here's a ne% place in 5est -aks that ser&es $ar&elous chiles rellenos) A$a ing( she thought" 0ot 3%ould you care to go out(3 but 3I'll pick you up"3 +he %as finding out about

'r" Brandon( fast" Across an alco&ed candlelit table( to the acco$pani$ent of a strolling guitarist( she learned about 'ark's background and later %eighed its rele&ancy to their co$ing year together" He graduated fro$ >"C"L"A" a business $a;or( $arried !arcy t%o years later and al$ost i$$ediately stepped into the Los Angeles office of !ouglas Enterprises" He spoke briefly of his di&orce( %hich %as final last su$$er( and the deep disappoint$ent of not %inning custody of his little daughter( Carol" 3'artha probably told you all about it(3 he said" Christy looked at his chin" It %as fir$( but a little too pro$inent" 30o $ore than you'&e ;ust $entioned"3 3It %as one of those $eaningful little affairs right under $y unsuspecting nose" 5ell( she $arried the guy . +pencer 1ree$an( a theatrical agent"3 3I'$ sorry(3 Christy said" 3It's o&er and done %ith"3 +o$ething about the sensiti&e turn of his $outh $ade her %onder if that %as true" 3I'&e thought a lot about this artistic thing(3 he continued" 3!ra$a( $usic and all that" It $ust be an obsession" 1or her the stage %as abo&e all else" You're a pianist( Christy" 5ill you take off after a $onth or t%o:3 +he stared at hi$ in surprise" 1or the first ti$e she sa% that so$e things %ounded as deeply as death" Re;ection( for e)a$ple" 3!on't %orry" I'll not run off %ith the tuba player" 5e ha&e a contract( re$e$ber:3 He looked as if she'd suddenly du$ped a load of bricks on hi$" 3Co$e on( +eftor Brandon( don't tell $e you don't ha&e an obsession or t%o( besides your passion for 'e)ican food( of course" I'll bet you s$oke a s$elly pipe or at least lea&e your dirty socks under the bed"3 He grinned" 3You'd better belie&e it( and not only that( I crack the %hip any ti$e the te$po lags"3 3Aha( I'll keep that in $ind"3 He asked her about the years in boarding school then( and she tried to keep the %istfulness fro$ her &oice as she described the ne% piano she'd barely touched and the ;ob she'd had to resign" +he had no reticence in discussing this public side of herself but gre% %ary and e&asi&e %hen it ca$e to re&ealing the pri&ate person %ho %ould fore&er carry the burden of a little boy's death" It hadn't been her habit to burden others %ith her proble$s but to bury the$ deep inside until she could deal %ith the$" +he supposed this so$eti$es $ade her appear aloof and preoccupied( but that see$ed better than pro;ecting the$ onto her friends like a slide sho%" +he undoubtedly fell into the pattern early" In the boarding school %here pri&acy sur&i&ed as the e)ception( Christy sought strength in solitude" Her pleasures beca$e her piano( her books( her co$posing" Co$pany %as ine&itable( but it needn't de$and the sharing of one's pri&ate self" By the ti$e she reached 4uilliard( she felt that she $ust handle %hate&er life presented %ithout relying on the in&ol&e$ent of others" +uddenly she %ondered if her lack of e)perience %ith $en %ould handicap her in this ne% relationship" Already she sa% facets of her character of %hich she'd scarcely been a%are" +he'd gro%n up in a girls' school %ithout a father( and in her entire life she'd had only one serious lo&e affair" It had pro&ed al$ost painfully pristine and one,sided" A secret passion for her piano teacher( +andor 0agy( lasted $ost of her college sopho$ore year" 5hen he finally recogni ed her 3little proble$(3 as he na$ed it( he dis$issed it as a $ere schoolgirl crush and lectured her that a serious pianist had no ti$e for such distractions" +oon after that she %as de&astated to learn of +an,dor's affair %ith a graduate &oice student" +he changed teachers then and structured her life to a&oid any further serious in&ol&e$ent( not that such a course pro&ed difficult" Hours of practice( lengthy rehearsals and the all,consu$ing energy de$anded for fre/uent public perfor$ances left ti$e for nothing $ore co$plicated than an occasional date %ith a fello% $usician( usually to so$e ca$pus concert" But the %ounds of +andor's re;ection %ent deep" Ro$ance( she decided( should be regarded as a surfeit of pleasurable but inessential calories" +o no% %ith 'ark it see$ed that not only $ust she learn to deal %ith a co$ple) ne% indi&idual( but %ith her o%n reactions( as %ell" CHRI+#Y HA! BARELY 1I0I+HE! her breakfast the ne)t $orning %hen 'ark called %ith another in&itation" 3#here's an art sho% and %ine tasting tonight at a local gallery" A friend is sho%ing a sculpture" I pro$ised to look in" Care to ;oin $e:3 At least he asked her this ti$e( e&en though it sounded a little like a co$$and" Ho%e&er( the kno%ing s$iles e)changed by Richard and Beth out%eighed any sensiti&ity o&er his pere$ptory approach" 'ark kne% a nu$ber of persons at the gallery and see$ed a$used at her confusion %hen he first

introduced her as his fiancee" +he gasped" 3But I ha&en't e&en told Beth and Richard73 30o: 5ell( %e $ust get around to that(3 he dra%led as if they had all the ti$e in the %orld" #hen he held her hand as they strolled around the e)hibit" +he supposed he thought they $ust sho% the e)pected facade( but she felt ill at ease and hoped desperately her hand %ouldn't gro% cla$$y" #hey paused before a huge can&as painted a solid angry red %ith a dripping line of black slashed across the center" +he( scanned the title( #ho's *fraid of +ed, 3I think I $ust ha&e been du$ped off so$e%here in the last century %ith &an <ogh or Ce anne" I don't understand this at all"3 3-&er%hel$ing(3 he agreed( 3but here's a dandy"3 A pedestal displayed a rusty tattered adding $achine %ith globs of gray dough baked into the keys" 30o%( honestly( can you see an ounce of artistry there:3 Christy asked" 3!on't look no%( but I think I hear a biased critic"3 3I'$ biased in fa&or of honest creati&ity"3 Don't get pompous, Christy. 3-h( I don't kno%9I think it's rather cle&er" 'aybe the guy is tired of earning his daily bread as a bookkeeper"3 'ark clearly en;oyed acting the de&il's ad&ocate" 35ell( I think any for$ of art should endea&or to co$$unicate and do it %ith style( a little grace and e)pert techni/ue" #hose pieces see$ contri&ed for effect( to shock or a$use like a practical ;oke( %ithout any regard for real skill" 5hat kind of integrity is that:3 Cool it, Christy. "ou sound li&e your seventh-grade art teacher. His eyebro%s lifted" 3Ah( the *uritan ethic rears its crochety head"3 3I don't kno% %hat you $ean"3 He pulled a long face" 3If a thing is playful( it lacks &alue:3 +he had no ans%er for that( and they %andered about looking at the rest of the e)hibits" 3You're $ighty /uiet" Hungry: #ired: Lock;a%:3 he asked" 3I'$ afraid I'$ not good at" s$all talk( 'ark" You'll ha&e to get used to that"3 3-h( I don't kno%" +ee$s as though I heard a right s$art little lecture a fe% $inutes ago"3 3I didn't $ean to bore you(3 she said stiffly" 3#ouchy( touchy"3 He s$iled at her so engagingly she laughed in spite of herself" 3I guess t%o redheads are entitled to $ake a fe% sparks"3 3A$en7 Co$e on( let's toast that significant bit of %isdo$"3 #hey sat do%n at one of the tables in the reception area of the gallery( and so$eone brought the$ a bottle of *inot Chardonnay" #hey sipped the delicate dry %hite %ine and nibbled crackers spread %ith Ca$e$bert" 'ark pretended elaborate caution as he refilled her glass" 34ust t%o glasses for you( $a'a$" I'$ not sure I'$ prepared to deal %ith the results again"3 +he flushed" 3I suppose I'll ne&er li&e that do%n"3 3*ositi&ely not" I'$ filing it for future black$ail" +eriously( %e shall be li&ing in %ine country( you kno%( and %e'll probably be e)pected to ser&e the local &intages"3 3I don't kno% the first thing about %ine(3 Christy said( alar$ed at this aspect of her future duties" 3Rela)(3 he said" 35ine snobs are easy to inti$idate" 4ust toss off a co$$ent on the body or bou/uet( or else look 'e$ straight in the eye and ask %hat they think of the balance of fruit acids and residual sugars on the palate" <ets the$ e&ery ti$e"3 Rather shyly she brought up plans for the %edding" 3I'd prefer a ci&il cere$ony at the courthouse" >nder the circu$stances I think %e should keep things as si$ple as possible"3 He %a&ed a hand in agree$ent" 35hate&er you say" 4ust $anage so %e can arri&e in +an 1elipe at least one day before I report to the ne% office"3 #hey %rapped up their arrange$ents( and to Christy's relief( the process %as as i$personal as preparing a grocery list" 3-ne re/uest(3 'ark said" 3I'd like +a$ !ouglas included" #o $ake the understate$ent of the year( he's ecstatic about the %edding"3 In%ardly Christy %inced" 3He got his %ay( didn't he:3 3+a$ !ouglas usually does"3 3He sounds like a tyrant"3 30ot really" I'd say $ore like fifty percent 6entucky corn and fifty percent #e)as shre%d" He speaks in %all,to,%all cliches( but he has a heart of gold" It's do%nright pathetic the %ay he longs for the fa$ily life

he ne&er had"3 #hey finished their %ine( and Christy found herself laughing no% at 'ark's teasing instead of e)periencing the o&ersensiti&e reactions she'd had at first" He laughed a lot( too( and %hen they got into the car to go ho$e( she kne% they could be friends( an asset in the year to co$e" +he settled back in the seat( and they dro&e in co$fortable silence" 5hether due to the %ine or the essence of the e&ening( she felt $ore lighthearted than she had in $onths" He didn't speak until he turned into her dri&e%ay" 3'y daughter( Carol( $ay be %ith us occasionally in +an 1elipe" I'd like you t%o to get ac/uainted" I'&e pro$ised Carol an outing" 5hy don't %e $ake a day of it and &isit the +an !iego Zoo on +unday:3 Christy felt his glance gauge her reaction" Christy +teele( step$other" #he thought ;olted her" 5hat kind of child did a handso$e couple like 'ark and !arcy ha&e: 3I'll fi) a picnic(3 she said s$oothly" E)cept for so$e ti$e spent %ith a fe% young piano pupils and the precious %eeks %ith !a&y( she had little e)perience around young children and felt ner&ous about the encounter" +he thought about 'ark's little daughter often during the days before the e)cursion and eluded herself for her apprehension" After all( she'd only see Carol once in a %hile" +he ought to be able to handle that" In the $eanti$e she /uietly pursued her %edding preparations and supposed Beth assu$ed her fre/uent trips to to%n as looking for a ;ob" #hat %as fine for the $o$ent" +he %asn't ready yet to announce plans for the sudden $arriage" +he checked re/uire$ents for the courthouse cere$ony and shopped for so$e ne% clothes" +he found a dressy suit for her %edding day and began to sort through the fe% belongings she'd asse$bled during her stay %ith Beth and Richard" -0 #HE 1-LL-5I0< +>0!AY( 'ark brought Carol to the house early and held her hand as he introduced her" Could this sole$n four,year,old belong to 'ark and !arcy: +he stood( feet planted fir$ly( if not belligerently( at least as if prepared to %eather a stor$" Her bro%n dress ballooned like a nondescript tent o&er her spare little body( and tights bagged at the knees in a precarious fit" Her sandy hair %as parted so crookedly as if to ha&e al$ost no part at all8 she'd probably done it herself( and blo%sy tendrils strea$ed in all directions" But she had beautiful eyes( deep blue and steady like her father's( a boon to that plain little face" Christy had en&isioned a little doll done up in a pink pinafore( %ith taffy curls or auburn braids" +he recalled hearing about a sick kind of &anity affected by certain beautiful %o$en %ho culti&ated their daughters' slo&enliness in order to enhance their o%n attracti&eness( then she chided herself for the thought" Christy yearned to brush the untidy hair and pin a perky bo% in it( to alter the o&ersi e dress( and $ost of all( because of 'ark's ob&ious an)iety( to be her friend" But the cool blue eyes %arned against such a trespass" Carol pro$ptly fell asleep in the car but gre% alert the $o$ent they reached the oo" +he see$ed fascinated by each ne% group of ani$als and stood $otionless in front of the$ as if in&ol&ed in so$e silent t%o,%ay co$$unication" -nce( Christy reached do%n to take her hand as they crossed a street( but Carol /uickly pulled a%ay" 35hat ani$al do you like best:3 Christy asked in her best try,harder &oice" Carol shrugged %ithout reply" Later they %ere left together %hile 'ark stood in line for popcorn" 3!o you ha&e a pet at ho$e:3 Christy s$iled encouragingly" #he child eyed her as if she %ere asked the color of her under%ear( then fro%ned fiercely" 0o ans%er" Later( after she finished her popcorn( she flashed Christy a %ary look and grasped 'ark's hand as if her daddy's ne% lady friend $ight take it a%ay fro$ her" Christy's ankle( still %eak since the accident( had begun to ache" 3I think I'll sit here on a bench and rest a bit" I'll people %atch %hile you t%o e)plore"3 'ark and Carol strolled off together( chatting and laughing as if they had ;ust been set free" Christy felt $ortified to see that she'd cast such a pall on the e)cursion" #he role of bite noire had not been in her repertoire( but she didn't kno% %hat to do about it" "ou're letting this child get under your s&in, Christy thought" #he day see$ed endless( and she'd saddled it %ith her failure to get along %ith 'ark's child" 'ark re$ained cheerfully obli&ious to the a%k%ard undercurrent( the free e out( the get,lost,lady or %hate&er %as going on( but she %ondered ho% $uch he actually sa%" E&idently( as far as Carol %as concerned( the lines %ere dra%n( and Christy loo$ed as the ene$y" 5ell( Christy %as not attracted to this difficult child( either( but for 'ark's sake she %ould $ake a real effort to %in her o&er" !top fretting, she consoled herself8 she and 'ark soon %ould $o&e fi&e hundred

$iles a%ay" Carol probably %ouldn't &isit often" +he spotted the$ $eandering leisurely to%ard her( a giggling Carol riding on 'ark's shoulders" Apparently they %ere ha&ing a $ar&elous ti$e" 5ithout Christy" #hat e&ening after they deli&ered Carol back to !arcy( Christy in&ited 'ark in for a late supper" 3I'll fi) tacos(3 she said and hoped the gesture $ight so$eho% gloss o&er the %ay she had handled the day" Beth and Richard %ere out for the e&ening( so 'ark and Christy had the house to the$sel&es" #hey talked hardly at all and about nothing %eightier than the a$ount of #riple +ec to add to the $argaritas" After the long day the hour see$ed blessedly restful" +he could tell he felt it( too" *erhaps feeling co$fortable in periods of silence $ight earn the sa$e &alue in a relationship as easy con&ersation" 3!o you ha&e a California $ap: I'd like to sho% you the area %here %e'll be li&ing(3 he said after they'd cleared a%ay the dishes" Christy found an atlas in the den" #hey sat on the sofa and opened the $ap on the coffee table before the$" He pointed out +an 1elipe( the ad;acent %ine country to the east( the red%ood gro&es to the %est and the seashore a fe% $iles a%ay" 3It sounds hea&enly" I'$ looking for%ard to li&ing there(3 Christy said and traced her finger along the course of the Russian Ri&er" 'ark suddenly co&ered her hand %ith his" 3+o a$ I" Especially no% that you'll be %ith $e"3 +he dre% her hand a%ay and looked up sharply( a /uestion in her eyes" 5hy did he think it necessary to add that: He pushed a curly lock of hair behind her ear" 3I $ean that( Christy(3 he said and reached o&er to kiss her fir$ly on the lips %hile one hand slipped across her shoulder and do%n the cur&e of her back al$ost as if he %ere sculpturing her( then ca$e to rest against her breast" +he gasped and pulled back" 35hat's the $atter:3 30othing" It's ;ust that I'$ not &ery e)perienced at this sort of thing"3 He looked at her gra&ely" 3!o you $ind:3 35ell9no9yes9A don't kno%(3 she sta$$ered" 3I hadn't e)pected you'd be interested" After all( %e aren't %hat you'd call the nor$al soon,to,be,$arried couple" 5e do ha&e a rather special relationship"3 3#rue( and I'$ for $aking it e&en $ore special" !on't you agree:3 3I don't kno% ho% to ans%er that" Considering $y original proposition to you( anything I $ight say %ould sound pretty ridiculous"3 3!on't say anything( then"3 He grinned and ga&e her shoulders a little tug" 35hat $akes you so tense: Rela)" I'$ not going to eat you"3 3I kno%(3 she $ur$ured and studied the e)pression on his face( kind( a$used and a little pu led" +uddenly her eyes gla ed %ith tears" 3I'$ sorry" I'&e handled things poorly"3 He cupped her face in his hands" 30ot at all" You're a pretty %onderful person( you kno%" I'$ not sure %hy I ha&e been so lucky" And you're &ery beautiful" I don't think I'&e e&er kno%n a girl so unconscious of her beauty"3 .e can't be serious, she thought" #his %as the kind of talk one %ould e)pect to hear fro$ an e)perienced $an like 'ark( but she hadn't belie&ed he %ould think it necessary to practice his char$ on her" +he felt tongue,tied and a%k%ard" Auburn,haired Christy +teele( self,assured $usician( a young %o$an %ho ordinarily felt &ery $uch in charge of herself( %as already out of her depth" 'ark held her at ar$'s length and see$ed to assess her confusion" #here %as so$ething in his eyes she had only drea$ed of but ne&er seen" It $ade her breathless" His hands $o&ed to span her %aist as if to pro&e it %as really that s$all" #hen his fingers loosened the tie on her blouse so that he could feel the furious pounding in the hollo% of her throat" He kissed the place and then lingeringly the one bet%een her s$all fir$ breasts( then pulled her into his ar$s( kissing her lips so gently( so s%eetly( she found herself responding %ith an urgency that shocked her" 5hen she dre% a%ay this ti$e( he didn't look offended but s$iled as if he'd ;ust affir$ed so$e truth he'd already suspected" As he rose to lea&e( she noticed for the first ti$e the fatigue lines around his eyes" 3'ark(3 she said i$pulsi&ely( 3I kno% it isn't easy to ;uggle all this social life %ith your busy schedule"3 3Co$plaining:3 3-f course not73 3*erhaps I prefer it this %ay(3 he said and tipped up her chin to kiss her once $ore" 3<ood night( Christy(

and not to %orry" #his %eek has been the best I'&e had in a century"3 After%ard she lay in bed and tried to focus on the elongated shado%s cast through her %indo% by a late, rising $oon" #he e&ening had unner&ed her" Looking back o&er her gro%ing,up years( she reali ed she'd had little physical contact %ith people" +he'd rarely been e$braced or kissed( and the ro$antic episode %ith +andor( her piano teacher( had e)isted entirely in her $ind" As for her personal feelings( she'd spent the$ $ostly on her piano during her $any hours of practice( rather than sharing the$ %ith another person" #rue inti$acy of any nature had not for$ed a part of her life( but 'ark's actions tonight stung her into an a%areness of such $o$ents to co$e" 'ark sho%ed in no uncertain $anner that he intended the physical relationship to for$ a real part of their co$ing arrange$ent" +he $ust take herself in hand and not react so a%k%ardly( and re$e$ber such ti$es %ere all a part of the scene( to play the$ in such a %ay so as not to e$barrass either of the$" 5ould she be able to $anage that kind of $ake,belie&e( she %ondered( #he purpose of this $arriage( as far as she %as concerned( relied solely on the se)ual act" In the far corner of her $ind she had allotted a portion of their li&ing together to se)ual intercourse( $uch as an accountant figured percentages" But this e&ening told her she had a long %ay to go in dealing %ith such inti$acy" 1or the first ti$e she began to consider the scope of their year together as so$ething $ore than a tidy outline she $ight ha&e prepared for a ter$ paper"

CHAPTER FIVE
EI<H#( CHRI+#Y '>+E! !R-5+ILY as she lay half,a%ake a fe% $ornings later" 0u$bers floated like dust $otes all around her( then lined up on a calendar $ade of eights( ro%s of the$" But %hy eight: +he opened her eyes and kne%" 5ithin the ne)t eight days she and 'ark $ust announce their intentions( pack their belongings( get $arried and dri&e fi&e hundred $iles to their ne% ho$e in +an 1elipe" #hey had co$pleted their plans se&eral days ago( but still she had told no one" Coward, she chided herself" #hy do you thin& waiting twenty-four hours more will ma&e your plans seem any less impetuous, -h( Lord( %hy hadn't they eloped: 1ortunately 'ark %as a better actor than she" *erhaps his aggressi&e attentions since they $et the fe% short %eeks before %ould pro&ide a belie&able fra$e%ork on %hich to hang their abrupt decision" But she dared not procrastinate any longer" 'ark %as due to take o&er the +an 1elipe office the first of the year" He %anted to arri&e there a %eek early( so they planned to be $arried at noon on the t%enty, fourth" Christ$as loo$ed ;ust a %eek a%ay" Christ$as %ithout !a&y" !a&y %ith stars in his eyes at the sight of the lighted tree" !a&y riding his rocking horse %ith ;ubilant abandon" !a&y,,,If his loss still tore her apart( ho% $ust it be for Richard and Beth: His absence %ould see$ e&en $ore poignant no%" Christy prayed that the %edding %ould pro&ide enough di&ersion to help the$ all through the day" +he and Beth %ere $eeting Aunt 'artha for lunch today( and the char$ing little tearoo$ Aunt 'artha had described should pro&ide the perfect place to tell the$" +he decided to %ear her ne% robin's,egg,blue suit( one of the t%o outfits she'd recently purchased" !id t%o add up to a trousseau( she %ondered" +he looked at her reflection in the $irror as she ad;usted the bo% at the neckline and then brushed her auburn hair into place" #he fe$inine lines of the suit flattered her slender figure . 3A beguiling softness %ithout cere$ony(3 the ad had insisted" 'aybe she could carry off the pretense after all" If I can hold that nervous flush in my chee&s for the ne(t hour, I might present a reasonable facsimile of a dewy-eyed bride, she told herself" #he tearoo$ %as one of those /uaint places %ith an abundance of ruffles( too $uch bric,a,brac and enough flo%ering plants to stock a greenhouse" #he only thing it lacked( Christy decided( %as a string ense$ble to play senti$ental tunes %ith an o&er%ide &ibrato" A hostess in a flounced red gingha$ go%n seated the$( and Christy's ga e %andered across a grouping of %hite plastic choirboys( a print of so$e Rosa Bonheur stallions and a spoon collection unbelie&ably %edged onto the %all ad;acent to their table" #he ob;ects took on a /ueer distortion as though her an)ieties churned inside the$ and changed their shapes" et bac& into focus, she charged" !ee yourself seated here with the two persons you love most, a normal young woman with a normal secret to share. +he found refuge in co$$enting on the decor until they placed their orders" #hen after the %aitress left( she clasped her hands tightly in her lap"

3I ha&e so$e ne%s for you(3 she said( her &oice suddenly breathy" 35hat %ould you say if I told you 'ark and I plan to be $arried a %eek fro$ today:3 Aunt 'artha and Beth cried out their delight and hugged her %ar$ly" Beth's eyes shone" 3-h( Chris( I'$ so happy for you73 Aunt 'artha's s$ile besto%ed a blessing on all of life's ;oys and on young lo&e in particular" Her chins began to /ui&er( and she reeked %ith strategy" 3!arling( ho% si$ply $ar&elous7 A Christ$as %edding7 I take full credit for this ro$ance( for I introduced you" 5hat a beautiful bride you'll $ake7 5e'll go to Leon's for your dress( of course( and I'll get 6laus to do the catering"3 Christy forced a laugh to co&er her dis$ay" 3I'$ afraid you'll ha&e to settle for a no,frills affair this ti$e( auntie(3 she said and related her +partan plan" 3-h( no(3 Beth %ailed" 30ot the courthouse" It's so cold"3 And so appropriate( Christy silently added" 35e %ant to keep things si$ple(3 she said fir$ly" +he %ondered %hat they'd think if she told the$ a $arriage of a year's duration $erited little $ore than bare ci&il pronounce$ents" 'oreo&er( a prelude of $ini$u$ fanfare $ade for a $ore graceful finale" ?uote2 the Christy +teele 'anifesto for -ne,Year 'arriages" +he didn't %ant to sub;ect 'ark to the usual barrage of fe$inine folderol" After all( he %ould gi&e the $a;or gift in this arrange$ent" Aunt 'artha straightened her shoulders( and the s$all plu$e on her hat began to s%ay" 30onsense" 4ust %ait until you see the $agic Beth and I can acco$plish in a %eek73 3But Beth isn't up to all that pressure( and any%ay( there's not e&en ti$e to send out in&itations"3 !tay calm, Christy. "ou &new this wouldn't be easy. 3'y goodness( child( %e can still use the telephone"3 Christy looked at Beth and silently i$plored her support( but Beth's eyes filled %ith tears" 3#his isn't like you at all( Christy" You lo&e tradition( and no one kno%s better than I ho% you tend to details" But you're re;ecting e&erything"3 Christy %as startled at Beth's reaction" +he stared %ordlessly at her sister and sa% the %hiteness around the nostrils( the starkness of the shado%s under her eyes( a face that sho%ed too %ell the $onths of sorro%" Christy felt shaken" It had ne&er occurred to her that Beth %ould care that $uch" /erhaps if I were truly involved in this marriage, I could understand 0eth's attitude, she thought" 3Really( dear people( %e %ant to be practical(3 she said %eakly" Aunt 'artha sniffed" 3*ractical7 5ho %ants to be practical at a ti$e like this:3 Beth leaned across the table" 3-h( Christy( you'll ne&er kno% %hat it $eans to $e to see you $arried to a fine $an like 'ark" *lease don't spoil it by shutting us out73 +o in the end( it %as Beth( not Aunt 'artha( %ho altered Christy's deter$ination( and together they $ade a co$pro$ise that satisfied no one" #he cere$ony %as changed to the college chapel for the fa$ily and a fe% close friends( %ith a reception to follo% at Aunt 'artha's" At least in the s$all apart$ent she %ould not ha&e to play the radiant bride before $ore than a do en guests" But e&en the prospect of $aintaining her poise a$ong the gushing %ell,%ishers at the s$all fa$ily affair filled her %ith panic" 0o% she $ust tell 'ark" 0o $atter ho% she rationali ed the ne% arrange$ents( she felt guilty" +he had assured hi$ she %anted the barest concession to propriety( then proceeded to ensnare hi$ in the full tribal trappings" 5hat %ould he think: #hat e&ening 'ark stopped by after a late session %ith +a$ !ouglas" He see$ed an)ious to share %ith her his enthusias$ about his ne% ;ob" +he poured sherry for the t%o of the$ and found herself only half listening as she %orried about %hat she $ust tell hi$" #he %ine curled her tongue as if it %ere &inegar( and she set the glass do%n on the coffee table" #hen she heard her &oice gro% tight %ith e$barrass$ent as she e)plained the change of plans" 3I guess it all boils do%n to the fact I can't bring $yself to say no to Beth(3 she concluded" 3Rela)(3 he said" 3*lan nu$ber t%o suits $e fine" 5hat's %rong %ith a little senti$ent: Any%ay( statistics sho% $arriages perfor$ed in church ha&e a greater longe&ity record than all others"3 He see$ed to in&ite so$e kind of challenge( but Christy felt too relie&ed to e)a$ine that statistic" +he sipped her %ine( happy to find that it tasted like sherry again" 0o% she dedicated herself to the %edding preparations in the efficient $anner that ca$e naturally to her( but all the %hile she felt a /ueer a$bi&alence she dared not e)plore" +he found herself testing her ne% na$e,to,be( Christy Brandon" It had a rhyth$ about it( a kind of pertness and candor her o%n na$e( +teele( lacked" +teele2 stark( rigid( or did she i$agine that:

-0 HER 5E!!I0< !AY Christy rose to pe%ter skies and a dri ling rain" +he stood at her bedroo$ %indo% and barely $ade out the ca$panile of the chapel t%o blocks a%ay( a $isty sy$bol that in a fe% hours %ould change her life" Belo%( $oisture shone on the dank laurel hedge and turned the street an unco$pro$ising black" +he began to feel an in%ard tre$or( a kind of *a&,lo&ian response that e$erged e&ery ti$e it rained since those tragedy,filled hours $onths ago" et hold of yourself, she ad$onished" "ou've managed to arrange the impossible, so why all this reticence, +he kne% the ans%er( of course" +he ne&er should ha&e let 'ark talk her into $arriage" #hat %as the basic dishonesty" +he should ha&e held to her original plan to drop out of sight and ha&e a child alone" Instead( she %as going to stand at the altar and falsely s%ear to lo&e a $an 3till death do us part(3 a $an she barely kne%" Yesterday she'd handed 'ark the contract" +he had typed it on good,/uality paper and added her signature at the end" 'ark glanced at it casually( then thrust it into his pocket as if it %ere an inconse/uential $e$o" 3#hat %asn't necessary( you kno%(3 he said /uietly" +he felt rebuffed( as though she'd co$$itted a fau) pas" He looked at her crestfallen face and reached for her hand" 3I trust you( Christy"3 That's what it's all about, she thought %ith relief" #rust beca$e the real &o% in this pact( not the ritualistic facade they %ould perfor$ today" #he $orning gre% hectic in spite of her careful planning" +o$ething %ent %rong %ith the iron as she put finishing touches on her dress( and she had to borro% a neighbor's" #he telephone rang repeatedly( students checking %ith Richard regarding the upco$ing field trip" After innu$erable interruptions Beth ;erked out the connecting ;acks" 3I'll go through the ceiling if that phone rings once $ore73 she cried" Christy looked up in surprise and tried to reconcile Beth's assurances of i$pro&ed health %ith the edgy reaction" Beth caught the glance" 3!on't $ind $e" I'$ ;ust e)cited" I adore e&ery $inute of this( honestly"3 Her tone %arned Christy not to press" 5ell( let Beth assu$e this $arriage %as $ade in hea&en" *eople %eren't grateful to those %ho shattered their drea$s" #he cere$ony %as scheduled to take place at noon" 1or the rest of the $orning Christy packed and unpacked her suitcase half a do en ti$es( stripped the sheets fro$ her bed and re$ade it( then dusted the already spotless roo$" As if to co$pensate 'ark for her e)cesses( she had chosen a go%n of ut$ost si$plicity( a long crea$y %ool ense$ble" It %as beco$ing and practical( but hardly traditional" +he cut her o%n bou/uet fro$ the yard( a spray of laurel and a fe% ste$s of %hite stock to hold against her prayer book" #he sho%ers had increased to an earnest do%npour as the three of the$ prepared to lea&e" #hey put on their raincoats( and Richard dro&e the$ to the nearby chapel" #o Christy's relief the parking area held no other cars" In the fe% $inutes left she %ould try to con;ure up a little poise and subdue her pounding pulses" A ra% %ind tore at their u$brellas as they scurried to%ard the chapel" Richard reached to open the door( but it held fir$" He strode off in e)asperation to locate the re$iss custodian %hile Christy and Beth huddled against the building" #he foul %eather threatened the$ under their inade/uate shelter( and Christy tried to shield her go%n fro$ the dri&ing rain" It's an omen, she thought" *ccept it. o home. Richard returned soon %ith a gri$,faced $an %earing an o&erlarge black rain cape" 3Regular $an %ent ho$e sick" 0obody told $e about a %edding(3 he said pee&ishly" He thrust the key in the lock and flung open the door %ith elaborate effort to pro&e his e)traordinary fa&or to the$" 3+et the bolt %hen e&eryone clears out(3 he said and flapped off across the ca$pus like a sullen cro%" #he church felt like ice" Richard found the ther$ostat and fiddled %ith the dial" 3If I can't get this thing to %ork( I'll ha&e to gi&e a%ay a cold,storage bride(3 he said" Christy and Beth forced a laugh and %ent to look for the dressing roo$ so they could tend to their %indblo%n hair" #hen they returned to ;oin Richard in the front pe%" #he chapel could hold a hundred %orshipers at $ost( but as they sat there( silent and hunched against the cold( they $ight ha&e been in so$e ca&ernous cathedral" Light filtered reluctantly through the stained,glass %indo%s( and the $odest basket of poinsettias on the altar looked $ore abandoned than decorati&e"

Christy %ished she had consented to an organist" 'usic %ould ha&e filled the &oid and lent reality to the affair" But after all( %hat did it $atter: #he true reality here %as the contract that $ade possible the precious gift to her sister" Beth turned to Richard %ith a %orried fro%n" 35here is e&eryone:3 she %hispered" 3Cheer up(3 Richard said %ith undaunted good hu$or" 3Christy %on't be the first bride ;ilted at the altar"3 3Richard73 Christy felt so unner&ed she al$ost %elco$ed the thought" As if to &erify the ill,o$ened preli$inaries( Black Cro% shuffled do%n the aisle %a&ing a rain,soaked paper" 3Your na$e +teele:3 he de$anded" Christy nodded %oodenly" 31ound this $essage on the desk(3 he said and sho&ed it to%ard her" 3Chaplain Bennet in $inor traffic accident(3 she read" 3Call %edding party and delay cere$ony one hour"3 A list of na$es follo%ed" All %ere checked e)cept theirs" +he and Beth looked at each other" 3#he telephone ;ack73 they cried si$ultaneously" #hen Beth grasped Richard's ar$" 3#he reception7 Ho% %ill Aunt 'artha cope:3 Beth and Richard e)changed alar$ed glances( and Christy berated herself for the hundredth ti$e for allo%ing the proceedings to get out of hand" Richard strode o&er to study the sluggish ther$o$eter( and Beth thu$bed absently through a hy$nal" #he distant %hine of a siren and the rustling of the pages painfully e$broidered the slo% passing $inutes" #he night$are %ould not end until so$eone( anyone( %alked into the church" If a person could be consu$ed by an)iety( Christy kne% she %ould &anish any $inute and found herself praying for that &ery conse/uence" #hen they all burst in at once2 the chaplain ad;usting his surplice and e)plaining so$ething about a to% car8 then Aunt 'artha( stunning in a long po%der,pink dress and a $atching ;e%eled turban" #here %ere t%o couples %ho $ust ha&e been friends of 'ark8 and of course( the fla$boyant,looking gentle$an in the %estern,cut suit and nifty %hite =andyke beard had to be +a$ !ouglas( president of !ouglas Enterprises" A $o$ent later( 'ark brought Carol o&er to sit %ith Aunt 'artha" #oday he'd entered his other self" #he bubbling sense of hu$or( %hich ordinarily he kept surface deep( $ight ne&er ha&e been" *erhaps he coped %ith too $any $e$ories of another %edding( or $aybe he e)perienced the sa$e %ithdra%al sy$pto$s she felt" #heir eyes $et briefly( and he flashed a /uick s$ile" #hen his e)pression turned gra&e and aloof( a little stubborn" Carol tugged at Aunt 'artha's hand as they eased into the pe% i$$ediately behind 'ark" 3I %ant to go ho$e(3 she %hi$pered" Aunt 'artha hastily searched her purse" 3Here( eat this(3 she %hispered and handed Carol a $int %ith a no,nonsense gesture that %arned the child to curb further interruption" Carol che%ed the $int and leaned stiffly for%ard to get as close to 'ark as possible" +uddenly she clutched her sto$ach( and Christy noted %ith alar$ that Carol's face had gro%n e)cessi&ely pale %hile a fil$ of $oisture sho%ed on her forehead" >nco$$only neat braids fell for%ard but did not hide the tears that spilled do%n her cheeks" Is this child trying to upstage me at my own wedding, Christy %ondered( but fa$iliar signs fro$ her o%n childhood bla ed signals too o$inous to ignore" +he crossed the aisle( s%ept Carol up in her ar$s and headed to%ard the la&atory in the narthe) %hile 'ark ;u$ped up to follo%" #he startled guests stared in a$a e$ent" 1h, od, Christy prayed" et us there in time, or we'll both be disgraced. By the ti$e Aunt 'artha and Beth cra$$ed into the cubicle( Carol had rid herself of her breakfast and considerably $ore( it see$ed" -ddly enough( the incident stabili ed Christy's e$otions" +he returned to her place follo%ed by the retinue of assistants as though standard %edding procedure re/uired the bride to deal %ith an upchucking child" #he chaplain tolerated brief co$$iseration( then initiated the beleaguered cere$ony" His opening ritual and prayer %ere ordinary enough" 35ho gi&eth this %o$an in $arriage:3 he asked" Richard responded( then returned to his seat beside Beth" #he chaplain paused and looked at Christy and 'ark so intently she %ondered if this $an %ith the thoughtful face and penetrating eyes could ha&e guessed their intent" Don't condemn me, she silently begged" I'm doing this for Davy. 2ust tell me I've made the right decision. 1or a $o$ent she &isuali ed a ;oyous %edding %ith her little nephe% happily tucked bet%een Beth and Richard as they sat in the chapel behind her" #ears gla ed her eyes( and she lo%ered the$ /uickly" 1h, Davy, I didn't mean to ta&e you away

from your parents. Darling, forgive me. #he chaplain had been speaking for so$e ti$e( she reali ed" +he ga&e hi$ her attention" 3#he purpose of $arriage is to banish the e&il of loneliness(3 he said" +he listened no%" +he kne% about loneliness" 3A sound relationship denotes $utual estee$(3 the chaplain said( 3and bearing %ith each other's %eaknesses and infir$ities( offering co$fort in ti$es of stress and pro&iding for each other in ti$es of ad&ersity" 'ay you stri&e for peace and ;oy and good hu$or( %hich is not hilarity( but a deep sense of inner strength that( co$e %hat $ay co$e( you can handle together"3 Relief surged through Christy as %ithout reser&ation she affir$ed the &o%( and so did 'ark" #hey e)changed rings( and 'ark gently kissed her" #hey %ere $arried" #hey turned to accept the good %ishes of the s$all group( and Carol ca$e o&er to cling to 'ark's hand" +he looked $ore than e&er the pathetic %aif( and Christy could i$agine %hat a be%ildering e)perience the %edding $ust ha&e been" 0o %onder the child %as upset" 'ark ga&e Carol a hug" 3E&erything is going to be all right( punkin" Aunt 'artha has gone to telephone your $other" +o$eone %ill take you ho$e as soon as %e get to the reception"3 #here %as $ore talk before Aunt 'artha returned and took Carol %ith her" 3Hurry( darlings" 5e're late( you kno%(3 she cried and herded e&eryone out of the chapel" #he rain had stopped( and sunlight broke through the scudding clouds" 3Happy the bride the sun shines on(3 +a$ sang out as he guided Christy and 'ark to his %hite Cadillac" #hey settled into the custo$,leather seats and %aited in silence %hile +a$ engaged in a last,$inute conference %ith Aunt 'artha" Christy pri$ly fingered the ne%ness of the gold band on her left hand" 'ark regarded her %ith an a$used e)pression and ga&e her a %ink" 35orried:3 +he shook her head" 3It %ent easier than I e)pected( the &o%s I $ean" 'aybe I'$ old,fashioned8 I hated to s%ear falsely" But today's &ersion( %ell( I $eant that honestly"' B He reached o&er and s/uee ed her hand" 30ot a de&ious bone in your body" You $ay ha&e to gi&e $e ti$e to get used to that"3 3Better %ait until %e get through Aunt 'artha's bash before you $ake that ;udg$ent(3 Christy said" 3!on't %orry" It's only a s$all party" 5e can probably lea&e %ithin an hour"3 +a$ stepped in and took the %heel( and they glided through the pleasant residential streets $agically transfor$ed fro$ rain,soaked grays to sunlit colors" +he s$iled at +a$'s continuous affir$ation that she %as the prettiest little bride %est of #e)as( kno%ing 'ark %ished they %ere tucked in his <hia headed up High%ay C to +an 1elipe" #he car coasted to a halt" #hey had $o&ed into the canopied portico of the -ak&ie% Country Club( only a $ile fro$ the chapel" 'ark and Christy stared apprehensi&ely at the %inding a&enue lined %ith cars parked as far as they could see" +a$ leaped out and opened their door %ith all the e)uberance of a tour director" 3+urprise73 he cried and laughed at their shocked faces" 35hat $ade you think 'artha and I %ould let you go a%ay %ithout an honest,to,<od party: 'an( this %edding is so$ething to shout about7 <et $o&ing73

CHAPTER SIX
'AR6 A0! CHRI+#Y +C>RRIE! up the canopied steps %hile +a$ turned the car o&er to a parking attendant" 3I can't belie&e this(3 Christy said %hen they entered the lobby" 3If I'd kno%n( I %ould ha&e stopped it"3 'ark looked stonily ahead( and Christy supposed he probably didn't belie&e her" After all( she'd been able to control little else about this %edding" #hen she sa% he fi)ed his attention on t%o figures ahead( !arcy and Carol" Christy felt chilled as if fro$ a sudden draft" A confrontation looked ine&itable" !arcy hurried to%ard the$( to%ing the drooping child" #he understated dress she %ore $ight ha&e been e&ery %o$an's drea$ of a Coco Chanel( and her hair( ta%ny and silken( s%ung rhyth$ically in her stride" +he fairly e)uded the assurance and char$ shared by so $any of the Beautiful *eople" 1or a second( 'ark and his for$er %ife locked glances( and a lightning si)th sense $ade Christy certain that so$ething li&e and real still e)isted there" 'ark reached for Christy's hand and held it fir$ly" 3You girls re$e$ber each other( I'$ sure(3 he said e&enly"

3-f course(3 Christy replied and felt !arcy's a$ber eyes scan her like a co$puter" 3Congratulations( darlings( and the best of e&erything(3 !arcy said %ar$ly" Her accent sha$elessly flaunted her recent dra$a,school credentials" 3#hank you(3 Christy said and heard her o%n &oice sound %ispy and colorless by co$parison" +he %atched a di$ple play near !arcy's sensuous $outh" 5hat a beautiful %o$an she %as" In spite of her theatrical flair( !arcy had al%ays see$ed a &ery lo&ing( &ery generous( fun gal" 'ark $ust ha&e been de&astated %hen she left hi$" Christy felt like an anony$ous figure alongside this enchantress( %ho %as an intriguing co$bination of an earthy $usic,hall girl and a finely bred aristocrat" !arcy laid her hand fleetingly on 'ark's ar$ and $anaged to look both beguiling and innocent" 3I'$ not a party crasher( honest" 'artha ;ust called for us to pick up Carol" <hastly ti$ing( isn't it: +pence is still in 0e% York( so I'$ afraid that left ;ust little old $e"3 +he flashed a da ling s$ile( apparently certain she had dealt splendidly %ith the trying $o$ent" 'ean%hile Carol leaned against her $other( her face pale" +he looked up at Christy( and the s$all $outh turned obstinate" et away from my daddy. .e's mine. Don't you dare touch him, her glance see$ed to say" Dear child, you're not really losing your father to this nasty lady. It's all a charade. .onest. Christy silently ans%ered the rebuff" 'ark knelt and hugged his daughter" 3You'll be ho$e in no ti$e" #hen you can take so$e 3$edicine that %ill $ake you feel better" I'll call you later( s%eetheart" #ake care"3 He kissed her cheek and let her go" Carol listlessly returned his kiss" 3-kay( daddy"3 #hen %ith a brief nod to !arcy( 'ark took Christy's ar$( and they cli$bed the circular stair%ay to the reception hall" +ounds of $usic and &oices floated into the corridor" +ela(, she told herself" 3a&e yourself loo& pleasant. "ou can go through this farce if you don't let everything show in your face. +uddenly 'ark stopped on the landing" 3I'$ sorry(3 he said" 3!arcy's forte is staging scenes( in case you ha&en't heard"3 3It doesn't $atter"3 +he %anted to reassure hi$ on that score" 3But I a$ sorry about Carol"3 3#oo $uch e)cite$ent( I suppose"3 He studied her for a $o$ent( then broke into a grin that translated the entire affair into a trifle" 31orget !arcy(3 he urged" 3'ind o&er $atter8 isn't that your philosophy:3 +he felt heartened by his attitude" *erhaps it %ould be catching" He spoke %ith such deter$ination( though( she %ondered if he actually directed the ad&ice to hi$self" -r did he ha&e the knack of easy erasure: #he reception( under %ay for the past hour( apparently flourished in spite of the tardy %edding party" *eople danced or sat at tables decorated %ith baskets of crea$y spider chrysanthe$u$s tied %ith enor$ous red bo%s" 5hite,;acketed %aiters %alked a$ong the guests to pour cha$pagne( and at the far side a satin, draped table supported a %edding cake( an architectural $iracle of stunning proportions" 3A +a$ !ouglas e)tra&agan a if I'&e e&er seen one(3 'ark co$$ented %ryly" Christy groaned as she sa% a ga ebo in the center of the ballroo$ banked %ith ca$ellias" An ornate cage of lo&ebirds hung inside" 3!on't bla$e it all on +a$(3 she said" 3!arling Aunt 'artha's touch is all too apparent"3 +a$ appeared then and led the$ to the platfor$ inside the ga ebo %here they beca$e the recipients of an endless strea$ of toasts( so$e elo/uent( so$e senti$ental and not a fe% drenched %ith cha$pagne superlati&es" 'ark gallantly responded to each one( and they raised their glasses again and again" 5hen the $usicians struck up a %alt ( 'ark and Christy danced( ;ust the t%o of the$ alone on the floor at first %hile the cro%d %atched fondly" -nce they s%ept by Aunt 'artha %ho bea$ed at the$ like a pasha in her pink turban( no doubt sa&oring the results of her splendid conspiracy" 3Hey( I prescribe one fetching s$ile(3 'ark said( looking do%n at her %ith $ock se&erity" 3You look as if you'&e ;ust been thro%n to the lions"3 35hat percepti&e eyes you ha&e( !r" 1reud" #he truth is( I'$ not &ery good at playacting"3 He dre% her close and rested his cheek against her hair" 3#hank <od for that(3 he $ur$ured" +he pulled back( a little breathless" 3I'$ concerned about %hat all this has done to your ti$etable" 5e'll ne&er $ake +an 1rancisco tonight"3 He looked a$used" 35e'll ;ust ha&e to $ake a ne% list( %on't %e:3 He $aneu&ered a space bet%een the$ and lifted her chin %ith one finger" 3Co$e on( pretend I'$ Robert Redford"3 +he s$iled to ;oin the conspiracy" 3All right( I'll look radiant( and you $ake like you're %hispering s%eet nothings in $y ear"3 'ark's grin %as carefree" -ne %ould think he honestly en;oyed the une)pected turn of e&ents" #his $an

she'd $arried %as no flat sketch done in pencil" #hen he tightened his ar$ and led her into such an intricate set of steps she %ondered if he %ere testing her" +he follo%ed %ith ease" !idn't he kno% that rhyth$ ca$e as second nature to her: His eyes shone de&ilishly" 3You're da$n good( 'rs" Brandon73 Hearing her na$e spoken aloud startled her so she stu$bled" #ogether they laughed and ga&e the$sel&es co$pletely to the $usic( responding in unison to its pulsing charge" +he felt %eightless in his ar$s( full of grace and &ery fe$inine" #here had been $o$ents in her life %hen she had e)perienced a high sense of e)hilaration beyond all e)plaining( like the ti$e she ca$e upon the plu$ tree in a cloud of blosso$s against a blue sky %ith the scent all around her( or %hen she first heard the Bach ! 'inor #occata and 1ugue on the uni&ersity pipe organ" 5alt ing %ith 'ark no% filled her %ith that kind of elation" #he incredible day receded as their bodies took to the $usic as if $ade for it( and they $o&ed in a ;oyous $eld of rhyth$( sight and sound" <o%ns glo%ed like ;e%els under the crystal chandeliers( and the baskets of flo%ers turned into sprays of fire%orks" E&en the kiss 'ark planted on her te$ple in deference to the cro%d's e)pectations did not break the spell" Hea&en occasionally allo%ed such $o$ents so that one %ould kno% ho% to define it( she decided" At last the dance ended" He released her( and she felt faintly resentful" It see$ed as if so$e ne% person had been set free inside her" 'ark s$iled %ickedly do%n at her as they %alked fro$ the floor" 3If this is any indication of our co$patibility(3 he began and s/uee ed her hand( but before he could finish( +a$ !ouglas took her ar$" 35atch out( Christy(3 'ark said as he handed her o&er" 3+a$'s a fo)y one73 #he band began a percussi&e conte$porary beat" +a$ looked doubtful" 3I'$ not $uch of a dancer( but if you're %illing:3 #hey faced each other( and he did little $ore than a stiff shuffle" Christy felt a$used that his self, assurance did not follo% hi$ onto the dance floor" +uddenly he thre% up his hands" 3Ho% about sitting this one out:3 3I'd lo&e it(3 she said and $eant it" 3<ood7 I'd rather flirt in a corner %ith a pretty girl any day than co$pete in this arena"3 #hey found a table in an alco&e tucked behind a bo%er of ferns" 5aiters appeared to pour cha$pagne and to pass platters of ske%ered pra%ns and hot crab canapes" Christy $otioned to%ard the roo$" 35e do thank you and Aunt 'artha for this classy affair( but you shouldn't ha&e( you kno%"3 He grinned" 3A tea$ of %ild horses couldn't ha&e restrained us" Besides( if there %as e&er a $arriage I'd like to take credit for( yours is the one73 4oin the cro%d" E&eryone %anted a piece of the credit( Lord kne% %hy" 3+a$( the irrepressible ro$antic(3 she said" He laughed as though the co$pli$ent pleased hi$" 35ell( I can't clai$ the credit( of course" +till( that +an 1elipe ;ob $ight ha&e tilted the scales( eh:3 He %inked" 3Like a sledgeha$$er(3 she said" He leaned o&er to pat her hand" 3You're A,-6( s%eetheart"3 He clasped his big hands together( and his $anner gre% confidential" 3'ark hates failure8 you $ust ha&e found that out by no%" It al$ost finished hi$ %hen !arcy took Carol and left hi$ for that phony Holly%ood character" #hat's %hy %e're all so happy about you"3 +he thought about the one,year contract and didn't kno% %hat to say" He leaned back reflecti&ely" 35ell( !arcy didn't beco$e an instant star( after all( although I hear she gets a s$all part no% and then( ;ust enough to keep the footlights in her eyes( I suppose" 0e&ertheless( she's sure one gla$orous hunk of %o$an7 But you're $ade of solid stuff( Christy(3 he added /uickly" 3A $an can see that right off"3 3*ure ho$espun and a yard %ide(3 she said" *nd I don't underestimate the fascinating Darcy, than& you, she thought" !arcy's ti$ing for picking up Carol %as e)/uisite" 5ell( ti$ing %as i$portant for an actress8 it took accurate calculation" Christy re$e$bered !arcy fro$ high school" +he ne&er $issed an opportunity" #his entire plan $ight turn into a ;uggling act" +he suppressed a %eary sigh" Brides %ere supposed to be breathlessly happy( not %eary" +a$ do%ned the rest of his cha$pagne and set the glass on the table" 3#his is a hell of a con&ersation7 Here I a$ running off at the $outh about 'ark's for$er %ife" 5hat about you: 'ark tells $e you're a $usician"3

34uilliard(3 she said" 3I play the piano"3 35ell" 0o reason %hy you can't continue your $usic" You can get 'ark to take you to a concert in +an 1rancisco once in a %hile" 'aybe e&en take on a pupil or t%o"3 3But not three or four or $ore:3 she needled" His hea&y %hite bro%s knotted" 3!a$n it( Christy( let's not beat about the bush" #his year represents 'ark's drea$ co$e true" Your support or lack of it can be crucial"3 3'y goodness( 'r" !ouglas( ha&en't you heard of %o$en's lib:3 He looked so startled she hastened to reassure hi$" 35ell( don't you %orry" 'y piano is in storage far a%ay in 0e% York( and I sole$nly s%ear to keep the ho$e fires burning this %hole solid year" I'll %ear pink gingha$ aprons( cook up a stor$ and polish the patina right off the furniture" I'&e e&en signed a contract attesting that &ery fact"3 He chuckled and reached o&er to plant a hearty kiss on her cheek" 3You t%o %ill $ake it( that's certain"3 His state$ent rang %ith the authority of a co$$and( and he continued to nod as if to underscore it" 0o% the $usic abandoned its rock beat and began a drea$y ballad" A$used( they %atched the change of style s%itch generations on the dance floor" #hroughout the con&ersation Christy sa% 'ark table,hopping" #hen he danced %ith Aunt 'artha and %ith Beth( lo&ely in sea,foa$ chiffon" 'o$ents later( Christy felt his hands on her shoulders" 3#his tete,a,tete has gone on long enough(3 he said" 3I'd like you to $eet so$e of $y co,%orkers"3 'ark had no fa$ily here" He'd $entioned t%o brothers in an engineering fir$ in Colorado" He tucked her hand in his( dre% her through the cro%d and accepted congratulations( $ade introductions and engaged in the kind of %itty repartee in %hich she al%ays felt so re$iss" He %ore his role %ith such palpable char$ that Christy felt only ad$iration" #he $usicians broke into a fanfare( and Aunt 'artha signaled to cut the cake" A be&y of frilly,aproned %aitresses descended like pouter pigeons to reduce the to%ering confection to cru$bs" Christy and 'ark had barely tasted their o%n portions %hen a %aiter touched 'ark's ar$" 3+ir( e)cuse $e" #his telephone $essage ;ust arri&ed"3 3'ore congratulations:3 'ark ski$$ed the note" His face gre% ashen" 3'y <od73 he said hoarsely" 3Carol is unconscious7 +he's been rushed to the hospital73

CHAPTER SEVEN
CHRI+#Y 1EL# the roo$ fuse into a night$are of %rithing color" 5hat %as she( the kiss of death: !ouble ty$panies beat %ithin her( the ache of little !a&y and no% Carol" A green sickness %ashed o&er her" 'ark s%ung a%ay to scan the roo$( his face still pale %ith shock" 35here's +a$:3 *anic shook his &oice" Christy tugged at his ar$" 30e&er $ind( let's go" 0o need to e)plain"3 #hey scurried out a side door( and 'ark pulled out the key +a$ had slipped to hi$ earlier" He handed it to the parking attendant" 3In the night,%atch$an's garage" Hurry73 #he attendant grinned( an)ious to co$ply %ith such traditional intrigue( then loped off %ith a pu led fro%n( no doubt %ondering at their gri$ i$patience" In $o$ents the car skidded curbside" 'ark took "the %heel( and Christy clung to an ar$rest as they roared out into the dirty gray t%ilight" Rain sho%ers had resu$ed( and she felt the tires slither treacherously on the slick streets" Lights flickered and blurred at the end of their &ision" #raffic increased( and the car sla$$ed to a halt for one stop signal after another( %retched red beacons that i$peded their progress" 'ark bent for%ard( his body taut( ha$$ering the steering %heel in frustration %ith e&ery stop he $ade" 3Ho% $uch farther:3 Christy asked" 3-nly about a $ile( but these da$n signals7 5e'&e $issed e&ery one"3 5ith a curse( he %renched the %heel and turned off the a&enue to dodge through side streets" Christy locked tre$bling fingers" Don't let her die, she prayed silently o&er and o&er" Houses flashed by in a series of $uted blobs behind the a$ber street la$ps( and the air( scented %ith da$pness( see$ed to close in and stifle the$ %ith dread" Carol's cry for help had co$e $uch earlier( but they hadn't listened" #he hospital ca$e into &ie% at last( and the <hia careened left( then right( and finally skidded to a stop" #ogether they scra$bled fro$ the car and raced across the la%n in a shortcut to the side%alk and up the %ide steps to the hospital entrance"

In the foyer an orderly directed the$ to a %aiting roo$" 3+tay here(3 'ark said and strode o&er to the desk" Christy sank into a chair and felt a nauseous de;a &u in the antiseptic roo$ %ith the plain buff %alls( the ser&iceable unco$fortable chairs and the nurses %ho bustled in and out %ith their polite starched s$iles( see$ingly untouched by the crises that seethed around the$" +he sa% 'ark's knuckles glea$ %hite as he gripped the edge of the counter" He leaned for%ard and spoke intently to the %o$an at the desk( then looked at his %atch and i$patiently $ade a turn around the roo$" Christy felt despair( anguish and hope cro%d the s$all roo$( and she put a hand to her throat as if to %ard off a sense of dro%ning" +o$e%here in the background she heard a clicking sound( ;erky and erratic" #hrough the glass door she gli$psed a %o$an pacing the corridor" It %as !arcy" +he see$ed s$aller so$eho%( as though dra%n into herself( her face pale and bleak in the harsh o&erhead light" A $o$ent later( !arcy recogni ed 'ark and ca$e into the roo$" +he %alked straight to%ard hi$ as if no one else %ere present and spoke to hi$ in hushed tones" #hen she co&ered her face %ith her hands and pressed against hi$( sobbing" 'ark put his ar$s around her( and for a $o$ent they clung together in $utual support of the bond that still lay bet%een the$" It %asn't secreti&e( but it de$anded pri&acy( and Christy looked a%ay" #here %ere too $any parallels here( too $any hideous $e$ories2 a lifeless !a&y( a deathly ill Carol( parents %ith tragedy,scarred faces" And the guilt" -h( <od( ho% did one deal %ith guilt: Bury it: #ell the %orld: !o penance: Her throat ached intolerably" A doctor strode into the roo$ and huddled in a closed circle %ith !arcy and 'ark" Christy strained to hear his subdued report fro$ %here she sat( but she caught only frag$ented sentences( terrifying in their significance" 3#hroat s%ollen closed9 strident breathing9 adrenaline9intra&enous9"3 #he doctor left( and 'ark and !arcy stood as if fro en" Christy could bear the silence no longer" +he rose and %alked o&er to touch 'ark's ar$" 3Ho% is she:3 'ark stared do%n at her as if trying to e)plain her presence" 3Critical(3 he $uttered at last as if his lips %ere nu$b" 3+he's in shock fro$ a se&ere allergic reaction" 'y <od7 Ho% could it happen so fast: I ;ust talked to her a fe% hours ago( and no% she's fighting for her life73 Christy gasped" 3But %hat happened:3 !arcy began to sob again" 3All I kno% is that as soon as %e got ho$e fro$ the country club( I sent her to $y dressing table for her tablets" +he kno%s e)actly %here I keep the$ because she often has these spells of upset sto$ach"3 #he e)planation ca$e haltingly" 3+o %hy did she get into $y antihista$ine prescription instead: #he tablets do look the sa$e( so I didn't reali e she'd opened the %rong bottle" But %hy: #hey %ere in totally different containers"3 !arcy looked long and beseechingly at each of the$( pleading for understanding" Christy felt a lu$p rise in her throat as she shared their anguish" But good intentions did not co$pensate for $aking fatal errors" +he'd learned too %ell that cruel lesson" 'ark and !arcy began to con&erse /uietly again" Christy regarded the t%o troubled figures and felt like an intruder" 3*erhaps I should %ait for you at ho$e(3 she said to 'ark and i$agined the trau$a %ith %hich Beth and Richard %ould greet the lone bedraggled bride" He nodded absently( then suddenly snapped into focus" 3Ho$e7 <ood Lord7 5ait a $inute" I'll see if I can get a hotel near here"3 He strode to a telephone booth in the corridor" In a little %hile he returned( took her ar$( and they %alked to the foyer" 3I'&e $ade reser&ations at the 'ontclair 'otel near here and ordered a ta)i" <et so$e rest" I'll call you as soon as9"3 He hesitated" 3As soon as there's so$ething definite"3 3'ark:3 +he ached %ith his agony and hers" 3*ray73 he said" #HE '-#EL R--' %as one of those resolutely functional places that appeared to be decorated in three shades of $ud" #here %ere t%in beds %ith hea&y bro%n spreads( t%o straight,backed chairs( an ugly plastic,topped dresser and a la$p that illu$inated a si$ulated oil painting of a brooding Indian" 0ot e)actly a bridal cha$ber( Christy $used and pro$ptly felt aghast that such a thought %ould enter her head( especially no%" +uch fleeting ro$antic sy$bols had no place in this contract" +he $ust put her

trust in tangibles" But at the $o$ent there see$ed a distinct lack of tangibles in her life" +he took off her %edding go%n and e)a$ined the spattered skirt" *oor %ilted thing" E&en if it could be cleaned( she doubted if she %ould e&er %ear it again" #his %edding day had occurred as a singular result of tragedy( and no% it looked as if it %ould also end in tragedy" +he %anted no $aterial re$inder" +he took a long hot sho%er( put on her slip . her suitcase still re$ained in 'ark's car . and cra%led into bed" +he lay rigid under the blankets and listened to the rain softly slap the %indo%" 'acabre i$ages floated in and out of her $ind2 nurses re$o&ing a tangle of tubes fro$ Carol's bedside8 a doctor co&ering Carol's %a)en face8 a throng of attendants singing discordant snatches of 'o art's Re/uie$ 'ass" At $idnight she still lay %ide a%ake under the sur&eillance of the stoical Indian" Hours later( or it $ay ha&e been $inutes( she heard a sharp knock at the door" 3Christy73 'ark said( /uietly persistent" +he leaped fro$ bed and lifted the chain lock" His face looked lined and gaunt in the di$ light( but his eyes told her %hat she'd prayed to hear" 3+he's all right73 Christy cried" Relief charged through her" He nodded and slu$ped into the nearest chair" 3Yes(, she's out of danger( but %e al$ost lost her" I sa% her" +he kne% $e"3 His shoulders sagged( and he leaned for%ard to rest his head in his hands" Christy's tongue %as suddenly shy as she tried to shape %ords of co$fort and support" Instead( she stood behind hi$ and gently $assaged his neck and shoulders( a routine she'd so$eti$es %atched fello% $usicians e)change after a tedious rehearsal" 3H$$( %onderful(3 he $ur$ured" After a $o$ent he $o&ed to a bed( slipped out of his outer clothing and beckoned Christy to continue" In silence she kneaded the tense $uscles %ith her strong pianist's fingers" -nce he started to speak but reached for her hand instead and held it against his cheek" +he felt una%are of ti$e as she continued the ritual %ith her free ar$" At last a sigh escaped his lips( and his breathing beca$e deep and regular" Carefully she re$o&ed her hand( dre% the blankets o&er hi$ and slipped into her o%n bed" #he rain had stopped( but no% a pee&ish %ind droned around the ea&es and rustled the shrubbery against the %all" After a ti$e it s%ept east%ard( and before da%n arri&ed( she heard $uffled thunder roll against the sheer flank of so$e far bluff"

CHAPTER EIGHT
A *ER+I+#E0# B>ZZ brought Christy out of a deep sleep" +he pushed herself up on her elbo%s to look around the roo$" A pool of sunlight rested on tu$bled blankets in the ad;acent bed" +he s$elled the aro$a of coffee and turned to find a breakfast tray on her bedside table( and began to feel like a trespasser %ho %ondered ho% she got here" 'ark %alked into the roo$( %inding his sha&er and cord into a s$all case" All the austerity had &anished fro$ his lean face" 3A $erry Christ$as to you( Raggedy Ann73 +he ran her fingers self,consciously through her tousled hair" 3You $eant it( didn't you: #he ne%s is good:3 3It couldn't be better" I ;ust called the hospital( and Carol is fine" 6ids are resilient" #he doctor says she can go ho$e this afternoon or to$orro%"3 Christy breathed a sigh of relief clear to her toes" 35hat a $ar&elous Christ$as present73 3I kno%(3 he said" His ;aunty air disappeared( and she kne% they both dealt %ith fear o&er %hat $ight ha&e been" He tapped his %atch" 3Rise and shine( $y girl" It's al$ost noon( and %e $ust get on our %ay to the land of tall trees and &ast &ineyards"3 3+ounds suspiciously like a real,estate co$e,on( but I'$ hooked"3 +he reached for the breakfast tray and lifted a co&er" 3'$$( an o$elet"3 Ho% $any years since yesterday: +he'd barely tasted the food at the reception( and %hen had she eaten before that: It %as odd %hat a %ide,a%ake sense of assurance she felt fro$ the scent of food( fro$ the bright sunlit roo$ and fro$ 'ark's presence" +he sa&ored it( layering it o&er the $e$ory of yesterday's terrible hours so she $ight forget the$" 'ark %atched her for a $o$ent( then reached do%n and pushed the %a&y hair back o&er one ear" 34ust as I thought( you ha&e beautiful ears"3

3All the better to hear you %ith(3 she said and ga&e full attention to the o$elet" He chuckled as if she'd said so$ething %itty" 3I'll run along %hile you eat and dress" I put your suitcase in the closet" I %ant to say goodbye to Carol and settle up the hospital bill"3 Christy put do%n her coffee cup" 3I'll hurry and dress if you'd like $e to ;oin you"3 He snapped his bag and fu$bled %ith a stubborn latch" 3!arcy %ill be there( but co$e along if you don't $ind"3 Christy suddenly needed to do so$ething %ith her hands" +he reached for a s%eet roll and broke it apart" +he didn't $ind( but apparently he did" 3'aybe you should go on ahead after all" I can take $y ti$e and be ready %hen you return"3 3It shouldn't take long"3 He shot her a brisk s$ile and left" *eople %eren't e&er co$pletely di&orced( Christy thought" -ne couldn't really take a hatchet to hu$an relationships" +trands of $e$ory( a lo&e once shared( the link of children . all %ere tendrils that bound the$ to each other no $atter ho% slightly" 5hat did a $an say to his for$er %ife on a bright Christ$as $orning after an e$otionally charged situation such as they'd ;ust e)perienced: !id he put co$forting ar$s around her again: !id they then look into each other's eyes and recall the good ti$es: 5ith regret: Christy $entally slapped her %rists" 5hy should she e&en %onder: #hirty $inutes ended( and 'ark still had not co$e" 0or did he sho% after an hour" +he gre% alar$ed and planted herself by the %indo% so that she could look up the street and %atch for his car" Had Carol taken a turn for the %orse( she agoni ed" Ho% long did it take to pay a bill and say goodbye( for hea&en's sake: *robably long enough for !arcy and 'ark to reassure their child( long enough for the$ to find a pri&ate place to discuss %hate&er parents needed to discuss about their child" E)actly t%o hours later( 'ark %alked in the door and grabbed the suitcases" 3+orry" I didn't think it %ould take so long3 %as all he &olunteered" 3Is Carol okay:3 Christy asked and hoped her i$patience %asn't too apparent" 3Co$pletely reco&ered" !arcy is taking her ho$e no%( and is that lady e&er in charge7 All those doctors( nurses and orderlies scra$bling to attention" A fe% klieg lights and it %ould be co$plete" A hell of a production73 !id he en;oy it( she %ondered" '-'E0#+ LA#ER he guided the <hia north on the free%ay( and Christy lay back in the seat( gi&ing in to a hea&enly stupor( reasonably earned( she assured herself" #he sky arched an innocent blue after yesterday's nasty disposition( and the landscape passed in a collage of garish fast,food signs( housetops sprouting bayonetlike #= aerials and an occasional stand of pal$ trees( their slender ra%boned trunks outlining an a&enue" Her eyes gre% hea&y" 3If you feel lonely( %ake $e up(3 she said and instantly do ed" 'uch later she felt a hand prod her shoulder" )4amonos,) 'ark said and opened her door" 35hich roughly translates into2 'Let's ha&e a stretch and a cup of coffee"3' +he arched her stiff neck and rubbed her eyes" 3#alented %ord(3 she $uttered" 3And don't laugh" +o$eone se%ed up $y eyelids"3 He looked a$used" 3Are you al%ays this scintillating %hen you %ake up:3 3If you $ean( a$ I al%ays this clearheaded and articulate( absolutely73 30ot e&en a little rant and ra&e once in a %hile ;ust for the hell of it:3 30e&er( or $aybe to /uote that po$pous old <ilbert and +ulli&an character( 'hardly e&er"' 3 #hey drank the strong e)cellent coffee offered by the s$all cafe and in $inutes %ere back on the free%ay( dri&ing cautiously no% because they entered a s%irling fog" 3#ulle fog(3 he e)plained" 3In the %inter it has the annoying habit of rising fro$ da$p areas and ho&ering around like a bunch of ectoplas$"3 3It's eerie" 5e could be the only people in the %orld"3 +he shi&ered" 'ark ga&e her a /uick glance" 3Are you sure it's the %eather that's bothering you: You're not getting cold feet about this $arriage business( are you:3 +he s%allo%ed hard" !arn his perception" 3A little( I guess(3 she said" 3I hope you didn't let +a$ inti$idate you %ith his grandiose notions on entertaining clients" 5e'll cut that do%n to si e"3

3Are you up to the bad ne%s: I'$ not $uch of a cook( nor ha&e I done any entertaining of the kind he e)pects" But I'$ a fairly /uick learner( and I did bring along a couple of good cookbooks"3 3I $ight ha&e predicted that"3 3I'$ so transparent:3 30ot at all" I appreciate grit" In fact( I'$ looking for%ard to an interesting contrast"3 3-h( sure( the Christy,special( pasta casseroles( as opposed to candlelight and lobster ther$idor"3 +er&ed by a blonde in a lo%,cut go%n( naturally" 1or hea&en's sakes( Christy the shre%7 3Aha( so she bites after all"3 3I ne&er pro$ised you s%eet Alice( Ben Bolt" But I do pro$ise to tackle the pots,and,pans depart$ent"3 3#hat and anything else you set your $ind to( right:3 His eyebro%s lifted kno%ingly" +he felt her defenses rise" 5ould( he ne&er let her forget that a%ful day she approached(hi$ in his office: 3I e)pect you're referring to a lot $ore than $y culinary efforts(3 she said stiffly" 'ark shed his bantering tone" 3*erse&erance is ne&er out,of,date( $y girl"3 #hey %ere /uiet for a %hile( but she felt as if they %ere saying things to each other ;ust the sa$e" He reached o&er and patted her hand" 3+top %orrying" I'$ an old casserole $an( $yself"3 +he ga&e hi$ a half s$ile" 3I guess the thing that really bothers $e is all those *uritan ancestors breathing o&er $y shoulder" I keep asking $yself if our contract is $oral"3 35ell( it's certainly legal(3 he said %ith the fine air of a ;udge announcing a decision" 3Legal is $oral:3 she asked" 3I'$ not sure %hat you $ean by $oral" As far as I'$ concerned( an action is $oral if it refines $y finest self" Hey7 Ho%'s that for a t%enty,one,karat definition:3 3*rofound( I think"3 35hy scrutini e e&ery action: +o$eti$es it %orks out better to play things by ear" +peaking for $yself( $y intentions in this arrange$ent are right on target" I don't like to think of our $arriage as so$e kind of purchase agree$ent" I %ant to treat it as a &alid relationship"3 In $ost situations Christy kne% her o%n $ind and prided herself on &ie%ing proble$s ob;ecti&ely( but %hen it ca$e to their $arriage( she found she couldn't sort things out %ith as $uch assurance" 'ark sho%ed such confidence that nothing could touch hi$" In spite of all her reasoning( her fears continued to lie like clouds of $ist that obscured the hori on" It %as a ne% e)perience for her" #he day felt unhinged( detached fro$ the calendar" E)cept for a fe% %ilted street decorations along the %ay( one %ouldn't ha&e guessed it %as Christ$as" +he'd brought a gift along for 'ark( but so far the day hadn't lent itself to the gi&ing" An odd res,ti&eness plagued her as if the $usic played on and on( ignoring the conductor" Ho% %ere Richard and Beth coping( she %ondered and felt the fa$iliar sting in her eyelids and the thickening in her throat that acco$panied e&ery $e$ory of !a&y" #hey planned to spend Christ$as %ith Aunt 'artha( so Christy had left all her presents under Aunt 'artha's preposterous tree( %hich %as done up all in orange angels and pink tassels" 5ould that long,ago August day haunt their Christ$as: If only the freak rainstor$ had co$e any other ti$e in the year" If only Christy hadn't insisted on dri&ing !a&y" If( if( if,,,Ho% $uch guilt could she hold: 5ell( <od kne%( she %as trying to do so$ething about it" I# 5A+ 0I0E -'CL-C6 that e&ening %hen they crossed the <olden <ate Bridge( beaded filigree spanning the darkness( yet its for$ as strict and classic as a Haydn sonata" 3Ho% $uch fa1ther:3 Christy asked" 3A little o&er an hour's dri&e" +an 1elipe is about t%enty $iles fro$ the ocean( so %e turn %est off the high%ay %hen %e get to +ono$a County"3 3I'&e ne&er been north of L"A"3 Christy said and for the first ti$e %ondered about the ne% en&iron$ent" 30o s$og up here( blue skies( rolling green hills( acres of &ineyards and( of course( the giant red%oods" #hey gro% o&er three hundred feet tall" And I'll %ager you'&e ne&er seen a $ore rugged pictures/ue coastline" Luther Burbank settled in this area to conduct his plant,breeding e)peri$ents and put it on the $ap %hen he said that the Red%ood E$pire %as the chosen spot of the earth as far as nature %as concerned"3 He see$ed to check her e)pression" 3I'$ s%eet,talking you( you kno%" I'$ an)ious for you to like it here"3 +he s$iled at his earnestness" 3I do already( and I'$ looking for%ard to e)ploring it %ith you"3 35e'll do it(3 he said( 3but right no% I'$ looking for%ard to a hot cup of coffee" 6no%ing +a$( the

kitchen %ill be stocked %ith so$e basic supplies" I'$ sorry you had no part in selecting the apart$ent . +a$( the in&eterate arranger( you kno%"3 3Really( I don't $ind" I'&e li&ed $ost of $y life in dor$s( so I e)pect it %ill see$ like a palace(3 she said" 'ark looked relie&ed" +an 1elipe slept in a s$all &alley" Although it %as only ten o'clock( streetlights shone di$ly on al$ost e$pty streets" #hey dro&e through the to%n( passed fountains that played to a &acant s/uare( then $eandered around a %ooded hillside" 'ark geared the car to a cra%l( studied nu$bers and coasted at last into a co$ple) of to%n houses" 3Beautiful(3 Christy $ur$ured and suddenly felt shaky and /ueer" +he follo%ed 'ark up the %alk as he carried their suitcases" Ca$ellias glo%ed in the indirect lighting of a large oak( and the scent of daphne drifted around the$" 'ark took out a key and opened the door" 3Ho$e at last( 'rs" B"3 He see$ed to hesitate" 1h, %ord, she thought( I hope he doesn't thin& he has to carry me over the threshold. +he /uickly stepped inside" 'ark set do%n their cases and searched for a light s%itch" 3'y <od( it's cold in here7 5here's the ther$ostat:3 Light flooded the hall%ay( and Christy hurried up the carpeted stairs %ith 'ark behind" #hey peered in a s$all roo$ on the left( noted it %ould $ake a good study for 'ark( then %alked into the $aster bedroo$( spacious and elegantly understated in i&ory and gold" 'ark dre% the draperies fro$ a %ide %indo% to re&eal the soft city lights far belo%" 3A hea&enly &ie%(3 Christy said" 31or sure" -ld +a$ really ca$e through"3 1or a second their eyes caught and held" 3I'll bet you're tired fro$ all that dri&ing(3 Christy said( slipping out of her coat" 3!o you think the pantry $ight include coffee:3 3I'll $ake a bet on it" And probably a log in the fireplace( as %ell"3 +he hurried do%n to e)plore the co$pact kitchen" There you go, she thought" *nytime the poise gets teetery, you scurry for cover. +he found a ;ar of instant coffee( and as the %ater heated( the pleasant scent of burning %ood fro$ the ad;acent roo$ affir$ed 'ark's prediction" +he poured the coffee into $ugs and carried the$ into the li&ing roo$" La$plight sho%ed this roo$ as tastefully decorated as the others" 'ark sat on the floor against the raised hearth of a flagstone fireplace( soaking in the heat" 1irelight touched his hair %ith rusty highlights and left his face in shado%" +he %as re$inded of the first night she $et hi$" He patted the hearth at his side" 3-&er here(3 he said" Her ga e had locked on the darkened far end of the roo$" Her throat closed( and she s%ayed so she al$ost spilled the coffee" +he $anaged to set the cups on the hearth and then %alked o&er to the grand piano" It %as a +tein%ay( and the case looked fa$iliar" +he felt for the tiny nick along the side that her professor assured her could be easily refinished" +he turned to 'ark( but her lips %ouldn't for$ the /uestion" He grinned" 3It's yours( all right" I had it shipped out( sort of a co$bination %edding and Christ$as present"3 3-h( 'ark73 Her fingers tre$bled as they ho&ered o&er the keyboard" 1or $ost of her life the piano had been her closest co$panion( a kind of e)tension of herself" +he'd felt as if part of her had %ithered a%ay %hen she left it behind" #ears started in her eyes( and she ducked her head before 'ark could notice" He beckoned encouragingly" 3*lay $e a little Beetho&en or Brah$s( or %hate&er it is you rarefied $usicians perfor$"3 +he %ent into a Bach fugue( the best tonic she kne% to get one's head on straight( and took the te$po a bit slo%er than usual in order to keep it clean after so long %ithout practice" 'ark ca$e o&er( leaned against the piano and %atched her play" #he piece %as short( and she finished %ith an e)aggerated flourish( a decoy against sho%ing ho% deeply she %as touched" 3Bra&o7 I'$ i$pressed"3 +he sensed a tenuous reser&e" 3But you don't care for Bach:3 3-n the contrary" I'$ o&er%hel$ed at %hat your $usic re&eals about you( your self,discipline( your persistence( your integrity . it's all there"3 His analysis tangled her in confusion as surely as if she %ere caught in an in&isible net" +he %as no $atch for hi$ %hen %ords beca$e the $ediu$ for re&ealing one's feelings" +he sat %ith clasped hands(

searching for a reply that didn't sound stuffy" 3Hear( hear73 he said" 34ust because I'$ a %orld,fa$ous $usic critic( don't let $e inti$idate you"3 3I'll play you so$e Chopin(3 she said and abruptly began a nocturne" 'usic %as the only language she spoke fluently" Her fingers %o&e the $oods of the entire day into her playing2 the capricious $orning( the so$ber fog and that breathless $o$ent a short %hile ago %hen they looked at the t%inkling lights of the city" E&ery note she played spoke her thanks to hi$" At lastB the resonant tones of the final chord seeped into the silence" +he glanced up" 'ark looked as if he'd ;ust opened a door and %as stirred by %hat he sa%" He ga&e a lo% %histle" 35o%73 he said /uietly" 3And in addition to e&erything else( she's a %ar$( caring person" =ulnerable( too"3 +he rose" 3'y( $y( you do ha&e on your rose,colored glasses( don't you:3 #he %ords tripped on her tongue" 5hy did she ha&e to act flippant at a rare $o$ent like this: 'ark's eyes held an undefinable e)pression" Hurt( displeasure: 5ith a sob( she suddenly co&ered her face and felt his ar$s close around her" +he'd ne&er been held and co$forted by a $an before( and she stood incredibly still to sa&or the s%eetness of it" +he pulled slightly a%ay in order to speak" 3I still can't belie&e it" I ne&er drea$ed of such a thing7 Ho% can I e&er thank you: I ,guess I had this cra y notion that by denying $yself $usic( I helped to pay $y debt to $y sister"3 3!oing penance: #here goes that intransigent trait of yours again"3 +he pulled a handkerchief fro$ her pocket and %iped her eyes" 3*artly that( I guess" But you see( I ha&e al%ays been an alone,kind of person( and I'$ not used to93 she paused to search for the right %ord" 30ot used to being co$forted: Reassured: If %e're hu$an( %e need all those supports" *erhaps it is ti$e so$eone ga&e the$ to you( Christy"3 He did not release her but kissed her gently( then rested his chin against her hair" -ne part of her continued to deal %ith the gift of her piano %hile the rest re&eled in 'ark's closeness" 3#hank you for e&erything(3 she said softly" His eyes( ordinarily so steady and clear( shone %ith an intensity she had not seen before" +o$ething changed bet%een the$" #his %as a different 'ark( one she didn't kno%" +he heard his breath catch as he rested a hand on her hair to t%ist a lock behind her ear" 3-h( Christy(3 he $ur$ured( then held her close again( and she lo&ed both the strength and gentleness of hi$" !is$ay and ;oy %restled %ithin her" +uddenly nothing $attered any$ore . not her tangled e$otions( not her fir$ resol&es( not e&en her contract" -nly his nearness" It see$ed as natural as breathing to slip her ar$s up around his neck( and he kissed her( his lips fir$ and seeking" Her %hole person see$ed to dissol&e in longing as unseasoned e$otions $indlessly responded" He loosened an ar$ and reached back to turn off the la$p behind the$" !i$$ed to firelight( the roo$ filled %ith &ague outlines and restless shado%s( %hich at each ne% burst of fla$e leaped and di$inished %ith a &itality all their o%n" #he hearth rug %as deep and soft( and 'ark dre% her do%n upon it" #he fire burned %ith a generous %ar$th no%( enclosing the$ in its a$bience( $aking fleetingly lu$inous the cur&e of cheek and i&ory shoulder( of rounded hip and stretch of li$b as he slipped off their clothing" #hen he took her in his ar$s" His body felt lean and hard( and she fit herself eagerly against hi$( a%ed at the desire that bla ed up %ithin her" 3Are you okay:3 he %hispered" Her ans%er %as co$plete response as his lips closed on hers" #hen he held her in an inti$acy all at once protecti&e( gentle( de$anding and blindingly s%eet to e)plore a breadth of sensation $ore real than she'd e&er kno%n" LA#ER +HE LAY in the strange bed upstairs and felt 'ark's %ar$th beside her( the furious throb of her pulse again cal$ and her heart back to its nor$al te$po" He slept soundly( contented and rela)ed( %hile she tried to deal %ith her astonishing e$otions" In the shado%s she could barely see his face close to hers on the pillo%( the coppery curl of his lashes( the slight s$ile of content$ent" +he propped herself on an elbo% and leaned o&er to e)a$ine the authority of his stubborn chin and the neat %ay his hair curled around an ear" I$pulsi&ely she bent and laid her cheek against his" Ho% had her s$all,boned slender body felt to hi$ after years of holding the &oluptuous !arcy( she %ondered" Had there been a dis$ayed co$parison: -r did that sort of thing $atter to a $an: As far as she

could tell( he sho%ed no disappoint$ent( if his tenderness and ardor %ere any indication" But then %ouldn't such lo&e$aking co$e naturally if 'ark pretended he held the %o$an he truly cared for: Christy understood the insistence of a $an's se)ual desire" At least( she'd heard enough about it( so part of the lo&ely inti$ate things he said to her could be put in relati&e perspecti&e( the accepted &ernacular of the ga$e plan( so to speak( holding no substance out of conte)t" As for the rest( %ell( she had e)actly %hat she bargained for( the role of a surrogate %ife" A %eek ago the kno%ledge %ould ha&e pro&ided e)cellent insurance for their transitory contract" E&en no%( none of it %ould ha&e $attered at all e)cept for one irony" #onight she disco&ered herself hopelessly in lo&e %ith 'ark Brandon"

CHAPTER NINE
CHRI+#Y EDA'I0E! her ne% feelings for 'ark continuously during the %eeks that follo%ed" +he ran the ga$ut fro$ trying to deny the$ co$pletely to %ondering if you could lo&e a person %ithout e)pecting anything in return" After +andor she'd ne&er put $uch faith in the ro$antic $ysti/ue" It see$ed too fragile to be counted on" Real lo&e $eant caring about so$eone( accepting his faults and $oods( acting %ith co$passion and understanding" 5ell( she could do all that( couldn't she( %ithout letting hi$ kno%: 5as that asking for the $oon: But the deeper truth beca$e an open %ound in the $ind" Ho% could she gi&e a%ay the child of the $an she lo&ed: *erhaps she ought not to get pregnant" +he $ight hide her lo&e for 'ark( but could she $anage such control %hen their baby arri&ed: Their baby: 0o( a baby for !a&y's parents" Had she so soon lost sight of the purpose of this arrange$ent: -h( <od( %hat had she got herself into: It %as %ith relief that she %elco$ed her de$anding role as 'ark's %ife" 'anaging a ho$e and fre/uent entertaining ca$e as a co$pletely alien e)perience to a girl %ho had gro%n up in a boarding school" Her only taste of ho$e life had been a couple of high,school years %ith Aunt 'artha and those bleak $onths %ith Beth and Richard" It %as not as easy as she had i$agined" 'ark( in spite of his orderly $ind and i$$aculate groo$ing( stre%ed his belongings fro$ one end of the s$all to%n house to the other" +he coped %ith that( keeping the place shining and neat as any $odel ho$e" But entertaining 'ark's clients %as another story" +he pored o&er stacks of cookbooks that she'd borro%ed fro$ the library in an effort to $ake the food distincti&e( and she arranged each table setting as carefully as if it %ere to be photographed" #he hours consu$ed ;ust to plan $enus and acco$plish the shopping see$ed unbelie&able" But one needed skills other than the ability to plan a $enu and read a cookbook( she found" E)perience( for e)a$ple" Her souffles drooped( and stubborn roasts fre/uently disobeyed the ti$e charts" Her elaborate desserts earned superlati&es( and so they should( considering they see$ed to re/uire e&ery utensil in the kitchen for their preparation" +he'd co$e to rely on Aunt 'artha's stuffed $ushroo$s for the cocktail hour( a fa&orite of 'ark's( but the endless chopping and grating defeated her ti$e schedule" Her confidence d%indled after each occasion" "ou perform li&e a not-too-bright &itchen maid, she rebuked herself as she recalled last +aturday's debacle" 'ark had co$e ho$e early to announce t%o $ore guests in addition to the planned fourso$e" 35ill that blo% your $enu:3 He peered into the o&en at the roast and esti$ated its potential for the e)tra de$and" #oo late( she tried to conceal the stricken look on her face" 3!on't %orry(3 he said hurriedly" 35e'll take e&eryone out to dinner"3 30o proble$"3 +he $ade an atte$pt at nonchalance as she continued to chop the ingredients for the $ushroo$s" Her eyes stung and %atered unattracti&ely fro$ the onions( and she %ondered ho% in the %orld she could stretch the au gratin broccoli and find ti$e to stir up batter for $ore dessert crepes" 0ot to $ention cleaning up the kitchen7 It had turned into a disaster area" E&ery counter %as littered( and cupboard doors hung open like $ouths agape" 'ark looked around and shed his coat" 3<ood Lord( girl( can't you ;ust set out so$e cheese and crackers: 5hy go through all this:3 He %a&ed his hand to include her co$plicated preparations" +he'd spent t%o %hole days cleaning( shopping and preparing for this dinner" 3It %as $y understanding this sort of thing fulfilled $y part of the contract(3 she said stiffly" 35ell( da$$it( you needn't go o&erboard" I'd rather you arranged these affairs so that you %ouldn't ha&e

td spend all your ti$e hibernating in the kitchen" You ought to use $ore ti$e for yourself( get out into the co$$unity"3 He gestured grandly( she supposed to include the $yriad opportunities to keep the young house%ife scintillating and astute" That's a pretty large slice of wry, she thought" 3You're progra$$ed as a $usician( Christy(3 he continued" 3+o %hat if you're no 4ulia Child:3 3Yes( sir" I'll try harder( sir(3 she snapped" His eyes narro%ed into an angry glea$" 3Cut it out" You kno% %hat I $ean" You $ake $e feel like a sla&e dri&er73 3+orry" I didn't $ean that the %ay it sounded" I'll try to get $y act together a little better in the future(3 she said" 'aybe a course in ;uggling %ould help" +he %ished he %ould lea&e" It %as e$barrassing enough to ha&e hi$ stu$ble in on this $ess %ithout ha&ing hi$ hang around to offer all the free ad&ice" +o she %as no 4ulia Child: Before the end of their year together( she'd $ake hi$ eat those %ords" 3+top %orrying" I don't e)pect you to go in for all this fancy gour$et stuff"3 He fu$bled through his pockets and pulled out a card" 3I $et this guy at Rotary a fe% days ago" -'Rourke( I think his na$e %as" +aid he needed an acco$panist for so$e little,theater group" I %rote do%n the telephone nu$ber" 5hy don't you look into it:3 +he shook her head" 'en7 'e$ori e a concerto( take a class in <reek( play a ga$e of tennis and presto7 5hen you arri&ed ho$e( a perfect dinner appeared on the table" -f course( she kne% /uite %ell she planned too elaborately" +he faced up to the reason" +uch de$anding acti&ity helped ca$ouflage the ne% e$otions that surged %ithin her" #hey $ust not beco$e part of the fabric" In the fe% short %eeks %ith 'ark( she'd found that being close to so$eone( sharing his pains and pleasures( e)ploring one's se)uality( all could $ake a person $ore co$plete" But she'd $ade it on her o%n for $ost of her life %ithout the co$plications of lo&ing a $an( and she $ust do it for the rest of this year" +o ho% else could she anestheti e her feelings e)cept through hard %ork: If she had no ti$e to think( %ouldn't such obsession e&entually %ither: 'ark's lo&e$aking %as a co$plicated $atter she hadn't yet been able to resol&e" +he kne% she couldn't handle it $uch longer %ithout re&ealing too $uch in her response( and she refused to sub;ect hi$ to that e$barrass$ent" +he reali ed that 'ark %as a skillful( percepti&e lo&er" 1or hi$( she supposed( it beca$e a $atter of techni/ue( the $eans to achie&e the eternal pattern" But for her( it %as an e)perience enriched by her lo&e for hi$( an e$otion of %hich he %as una%are( one %hich she $ust not allo% hi$ to disco&er" Her cheeks gre% %ar$ as she recalled the last ti$e he had $ade lo&e to her" +he had been cutting sprays fro$ a flo%ering plu$ beneath their bedroo$ %indo% %hen 'ark ca$e ho$e une)pectedly at noon to pick up so$e papers" He follo%ed her into the kitchen and %atched %hile she arranged the flo%ers in a pe%ter bo%l" 5earing ;eans and a faded plaid blouse( her hair caught up in a ribbon and face de&oid of $akeup( she suddenly felt self,conscious at his steady regard" 3+o$eone ought to paint you(3 he said finally" 3!o you kno% you $ake a fetching picture: irl with 0lossoms, %e could call it or so$ething e/ually original"3 +he took a critical look at the bou/uet and added another ste$" 3+ounds $ore as if I belong in the fruit section of a seed catalog"3 He chuckled( %ent up behind her( bent to kiss the nape of her neck and %rapped his ar$s around her" 3'$$( you s$ell nice" And are you al%ays so philosophical in the $iddle of the day:3 3-nly on rare occasions( and ho% can I %ork %hen you do that:3 He turned her around to face hi$ and pulled a dour face" 35ho says %ork takes priority on a day like this:3 +he laughed at his ridiculous countenance" 3-h( so$e guy %ho cracks the %hip around here"3 3+o$e tyrant" At least( you're still s$iling"3 3Actually( that's $y nu$ber,ten facial e)pression( kno%n as the hospitality special" #oday's translation2 Ha&e bread( %ill fi) sand%ich" Are you interested in lunch:3 He kissed the tip of her nose( then her chin( and his eyes held a %icked glea$" 3Lady( a$ I interested7 And not in lunch"3 +he pulled a%ay" 3'ark Brandon( are you suggesting %hat I think you're suggesting:3 He grinned" 3Absolutely"3 He took her hand and lead her upstairs" #hey teased and laughed a lot and took their ti$e to undress( then lay on their bed %ith %indo%s open to the scent of plu$ blosso$s" +he recalled e&ery nuance as if it %ere a ballet2 fingertips e)ploring( caressing8 lips kissing earlobes( throat( breasts8 bodies hard against each other feeling the #ightness of it( the absoluteness( and the pure $elding of so$e $ystic thing she couldn't identify"

He called her darling, not once but o&er and o&er" -nly %hen he $ade lo&e to her did he use the endear$ent" But she lay in his ar$s and %anted hi$ to $ean it for all ti$e( for it to be real" /retend this is forever, she pleaded silently" Don't let it end. +he lo&ed ha&ing hi$ $ake lo&e to her" It %as natural and pleasurable and $ysterious and %onderful" 1orget all the intellectuali ing and $orali ing" +he lo&ed hi$( and she thought he liked her" +o %hat if he didn't really lo&e her: *robably lots of $arried couples en;oyed se) e&en though one $e$ber $ight not be in lo&e %ith the other" Later( after he %ent back to %ork( she sho%ered( dressed( ca$e do%n to earth and kne% she'd been out of her $ind" 5ell( she $ust cope so$eho%( and restraint see$ed the only %ay" +he had ;ust begun to learn %hat respond $eant" 1or years she had used the %ord %ithout kno%ing the %ealth of its $eaning" But lo&ing response held disaster for this contract" 1ro$ no% on she $ust discipline her e$otions( hold back( e)ercise all her control" But she couldn't deaden the longing for %hat $ight ha&e been" 1or the first fe% %eeks that she practiced the ne% constraint( 'ark $ade no co$$ent( but she could tell he see$ed pu led" #hen one night after he turned out the light( he dre% her to hi$ and held her gently %hile he nu led her cheek" +he held her breath( e)erting e&ery ner&e to re$ain /uiet" 35hat's %rong:3 he asked" 30ot a thing(3 she said a little too insistently" 3I can't belie&e that" #here's been so$ething out of gear for so$e ti$e no%" I don't %ant to force $yself on you( Christy"3 +he %as glad for the darkness" 3Really( 'ark( it's all right(3 she said" 3You should kno% by no% that I %ill ne&er refuse you" 5e ha&e a contract( re$e$ber:3 +he stopped aghast" Her reply sounded do%nright callous( as if she /uoted clause one of a legal docu$ent" Her face burned" 5hate&er $ade her utter the insensiti&e %ords: Abruptly he released her" 3-f course not( I forgot" !uty is the criterion %hether $ushroo$s or bed73 He turned a%ay" Her body ached %ith the dis$issal as $uch %ith the %hiplash of his %ords( and the stillness bet%een the$ hurt as cruelly as their dialogue" +he %anted his ar$s around her again" +he %anted to lay her face against his shoulder and pour out her dile$$a" But she couldn't do that" +he %as Christy Brandon %ho %as going to ha&e a child for her sister" #hen anger began to filter into her reasoning" 5hy all this upset about offending 'ark: After all( she had not denied hi$" Any%ay( 'ark didn't %ant her( not really . only her body( %illing and responsi&e . and there %as nothing in this contract about the measure of one's reaction" 0ot a single thing" 5hat she $ust battle no% %as not 'ark( but her response to hi$" 1ro$ then on that seg$ent of their life $o&ed into an infre/uent but considerate and silent affair( a /uick satisfaction of selfish physical needs" But each union beca$e for Christy $ore and $ore an agony of self,denial( and she felt their relationship fray like torn cloth" 'ark brought no clients ho$e the follo%ing %eek( so Christy spent the uninterrupted hours at her piano %ith the assurance that %hate&er else %ent %rong( $usic %ould ne&er fail her" +he'd %orked for se&eral days on the Brah$s < 'inor Rhapsody and( one $orning after she tidied the house( challenged herself to $e$ori e it" -utside( a cold %ind %histled around the ea&es( racing up and do%n the octa&es like an e)ercise in solfege( %hile inside( the %idely spaced chords and co$ple) rhyth$s of the Brah$s charged into the roo$( cra$$ing it %ith a rugged energy" All day she re&eled in the antiphonal e)perience of %ind and $usic as if she perfor$ed the background score for scenes in a Bronte no&el" As al%ays %hen she practiced( she lost track of ti$e( although subconsciously she kne% light %aned and heard the %ind %hip itself into a blustering gale" +uddenly a tree li$b snapped( crackling like a gunshot( and the la$p o&er her $usic %ent out" In the di$ t%ilight she barely $ade out the clock on the $antel" 'ark %as due ho$e any $inute( and she'd not e&en started dinner" Ho% long %ould the electricity re$ain off: +he felt the house begin to cool( and %hen 'ark arri&ed a fe% $inutes later( she still hadn't been able to start a fire in the fireplace" He see$ed a$used at her efforts( and tore the s$oking $ess apart and %ith his knife cut sli&ers of kindling" 3You're no country lass( that's for sure"3 At last the fire burned steadily( and he stretched out before it" +he sat a little apart( hugging her knees and soaking in the %ar$th" 3!o you think the po%er %ill co$e on soon( or do you $ind so$ething cold for dinner:3 she asked" 35ho kno%s: Before it co$es on( %e $ay ha&e ti$e to co$plete a chess tourna$ent or %rite a thesis

on the %ars in Ireland"3 He sounded al$ost hopeful" 35hy don't you surprise $e: Isn't i$pro&isation your bag:3 His $ood %as catching( and she s$iled" 3You $ay be sorry(3 she said %ith a kno%ing lift of an eyebro%" He leaned o&er and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear" 3Hey( s$ile like that again" I thought I gli$psed a pi)ie there73 +he %ished he %ouldn't tease" His char$ %as $ore tangible then( bright and %ar$ as the fla$e that %ar$ed the$" +he rose hastily to go to the kitchen" +he had to do so$ething physical to counteract this a%ful feeling of &ulnerability" 5ould she e&er get accusto$ed to acting the out%ard and in%ard Christy %ith 'ark2 the out%ard( serene and poised8 and the in%ard( as sensiti&e to highs and lo%s as a baro$eter: +he felt in a dra%er for a flashlight and set it on the counter to illu$inate her preparations( then sliced and buttered a loaf of sour 1rench bread( /uartered a papaya and found a s$all brick of +%iss cheese( then piled e&erything on a tray %ith a bottle of Chianti" #he hearth pro&ided a table( and the glo% fro$ the fireplace enclosed the$ in %ar$th of soft orange light( against %hich the rest of the roo$ %as reduced to unfa$iliar hu$ps and s/uares" 3Ah(3 'ark said and patted his sto$ach indelicately %hen they'd finished the si$ple supper" 3*erfect7 'A 4ug of 5ine( a Loaf of Bread and #hou"' 3 Christy %atched the coppery highlights %ea&e in and out of his thick %a&y hair" +he took in a deep breath and let it out /uietly" 35e could read so$e poetry" 5hat about that 'Book of =erses underneath the Bough':3 +he %ent to the bookcase to find the copy of Robert 1rost" 3Read a%ay(3 he co$$anded as she sat do%n beside hi$" +he suddenly felt shy" *oetry had a %ay of re&ealing the inti$ate self" +he thrust the book at hi$" 3You first"3 He $o&ed o&er so that their shoulders touched( placed the book close to the firelight and thu$bed through the pages( selecting poe$s at rando$" He read /uietly and rather slo%ly as if allo%ing ti$e to sa&or the $eanings" But she barely took in the %ords as she absorbed the touch of his shoulder and the pleasant rhyth$ of his &oice" -ne could relish the palpable feel of a shoulder( couldn't one( %ithout allo%ing it to gro% $ore co$plicated: Thin& of it as an isolated marvel, she told herself( li&e the fragrance of lilacs or a 3o5art concerto. +he beca$e a%are that 'ark repeated a co$$ent" 5hat had he said: He looked at her in a$use$ent and handed her the book" +he flipped the pages( but each fa$iliar &erse see$ed too personal for this $o$ent" +he %ished she'd not suggested the poetry" 3I'$ afraid it's too dark to read" I'$ no Abe Lincoln"3 He reached for her hand and tucked it in his" 3Christy( Christy( %hen %ill you stop building fences around yourself:3 #he shado%y roo$( the %ar$th fro$ the fire( the inti$acy of the $o$ent all see$ed drea$like( as if she %ere %itnessing it fro$ a dark corner" #he one authentic thing %as the touch of 'ark's hand" A traitorous &oice cla$ored %ithin2 This is real, perfect6 and satisfying. 0uild on it. %et it grow. 1rost said it best( but 'ark's hadn't found those lines" 3Before I built a %all I'd ask to kno% %hat I %as %alling in or %alling out"3 No, she shouted soundlessly at herself" +emember who you are and what you 're up to. +he ;u$ped up to put the book a%ay( ;erking her hand rudely fro$ his" #he &i&idness %ent out of 'ark's face like cha$pagne gone flat" He rose %ithout a %ord and took the tray into the kitchen" 5hat %as the $atter %ith her: +he %ouldn't ha&e treated a $ere ac/uaintance %ith such a lack of subtlety" 5as she so afraid of re&ealing the %ay she really felt about hi$ that she rebuffed e&en so kind and casual a touch: -utside( the darkness persisted( unbroken by a single light" +he sat by the hearth again( but the %ar$th had left the flickering e$bers" #he %aning $oan of the %ind $ingled %ith sounds of 'ark $aking ready for bed( but she didn't ;oin hi$ for a long ti$e"

CHAPTER TEN
-1#E0 +HE 5-0!ERE! if she %ere yet pregnant" Could one tell i$$ediately: 5ould she feel so$e &ague /uickening: 5ould there be so$e $ysterious telepathy that announced the ne% life so that she %ouldn't

need to %ait for physical e&idence: -ne e&ening as she set the table for dinner( 'ark ca$e in declaring he %aE beat" He settled hi$self in a chair and closed his eyes" Christy noted the %eary droop of his shoulders and the lines of fatigue around his $outh and %ished she felt free to place her hands on his back and $assage a%ay the tension" But an indefinable coolness in the at$osphere forbade it" +he picked up the day's $ail and sat across fro$ hi$ to sort through it2 a s$all $ail,order catalog( a bill( t%o re/uests for donations and so$ething fro$ a photographer's studio" +he opened the en&elope and took out a folder announcing a %eek of special rates" A color photo of a beautiful little boy illustrated the ad" Christy caught her breath" It could ha&e been !a&y( the sa$e curly red hair( the lightly freckled nose and the pi)ie grin" +he stared as if in a trance" 0o( the face %as not at all like !a&y's( and the child %as probably a year or t%o older" But !a&y $ight ha&e looked like this if he'd reached the age of three or four( baby chubbiness gone( s$all fir$ chin indicati&e of facial character to co$e" 'y <od( for the rest of her life %ould she see !a&y in e&ery child she encountered: +he had planned that her o%n child %ould rese$ble !a&y" In fact( he $ust become !a&y" +he %ould %ill it so" No, a stronger &oice cried out %ithin her" "ou must not thin& li&e that. "our baby must become its own person. Don't force him into another mold. Christy suddenly sa% that 'ark stared at her oddly" 35hat on earth are you reading:3 he asked and ca$e o&er to sit beside her on the sofa" +he cru$pled the ad /uickly" 3-h( nothing( ;ust the usual ;unk $ail"3 3+o$e ;unk7 You should see your face" Let $e see"3 Reluctantly she handed hi$ the %added paper( and he spread it out on his knee" After a $o$ent he looked up" 35ould this be an announce$ent( Christy:3 he asked /uietly" 3I'$ not pregnant yet( if that's %hat you $ean" I guess for a $o$ent I %as stunned by the rese$blance to !a&y"3 'ark laid his hand on hers" 3+till grie&ing( aren't you:3 +he nodded and couldn't speak" !a&y's death threaded her life( a relentless counterpoint in a $inor key" 3I understand(3 he said" 3And I think it's %orked out for the best that you ha&en't got pregnant yet"3 +he ;erked her hand a%ay" +o$ething like electric shocks tra&eled up her spine" 35ill you please e)plain that:3 she cried" 3Hold on" I'$ not reneging on that blasted contract" But I'&e thought a lot about us during the past %eek( and there are a fe% things I think %e should talk about"3 Christy s%allo%ed hard" +he didn't like the sound of this at all" 3<oon"3 3It's not easy to put into %ords(3 'ark said earnestly" 35hat I $ean is( %hen %e %ere $arried( you coped %ith e$otional trau$a" You still do" I ad$it I %as so$e%hat in the sa$e boat %hat %ith $y di&orce and losing custody of Carol" !o you honestly belie&e that in addition to all this( %e are ready to gi&e up our baby( Christy: 0o% that you'&e had so$e ti$e to consider( don't you think %e need a fe% $ore $onths to get oursel&es in gear for so$ething that %ill affect the rest of our li&es: I sure as hell do" Being $arried to you has $ade $e reali e only too %ell %hat %e'&e got oursel&es into" Can you honestly say you ha&en't any doubts:3 Christy's anger flared" 3-f course I ha&e( but you see$ to ha&e forgotten that %e agreed to put aside our personal feelings" #he first priority %as to pro&ide a child for $y sister73 3And I'$ not at all sure you ha&e your priorities straight( although I ackno%ledge your unselfish $oti&e" I say %e both ;u$ped into so$ething %ithout considering the conse/uences" Before %e co$pound our proble$s( let's gi&e oursel&es ti$e to think things through"3 31or hea&en's sake( 'ark( I trusted you" I can't belie&e that you'd do this to $e73 'ark put both hands on her shoulders and forced her to $eet his eyes" 3All I'$ asking is that before %e $ake a final co$$it$ent( that you put off getting pregnant se&eral $ore $onths" #hen if you're still of the sa$e $ind( I'll go along" Actually you yourself suggested a year in %hich to concei&e" 5e'&e only been $arried a little o&er t%o $onths"3 !a$n" It %as hard to think straight %hen he held her like this( his eyes so deeply blue and pleading" 3All right(3 she said at last %ithout hiding her irritation" But nothing( she resol&ed( absolutely nothing %ould $ake her change her $ind" He ga&e a relie&ed little s$ile" 3I kno% you %on't be sorry" Any%ay( there are a nu$ber of other reasons to delay" As you can see( this is going to be a hell of a year( especially the first si) $onths" I ha&e to be a%ay a lot( and %hen I'$ ho$e( you're in for a lot of entertaining" By 4une or 4uly I'll ha&e this Australian deal under $y belt( and things should ease up around here" 4ust fro$ a physical aspect it %ould be easier

for you to %ait until then"3 +he $erely nodded" %ay it on all you want, she thought( but you'll not brea& the contract. He got up and %alked o&er to the li/uor cabinet and poured t%o glasses of crea$ sherry" He rarely drank the s%eet %ine8 he preferred brandy" +he supposed it %as a gesture to%ard her ac/uiescence" =i&a the &ictorious $ale( she thought bitterly" 3I can't tell you ho% relie&ed I a$ that %e got this out in the open" At this point your pregnancy %ould really thro% $e" I ad$it I'$ not ready to handle it"3 As he handed her the glass of a$ber li/uid( his hand shook a little" +he'd belie&ed that all the tur$oil in their arrange$ent had been her sole pro&ince" 3-ur child(3 he'd said" 0ot once had she considered his feelings regarding the child they'd planned" It had been her decision( her baby( her gift to Richard arid Beth" Her insensiti&ity ca$e as a distinct shock" !>RI0< #HE !AY+ that follo%ed( Christy felt reduced to an anony$ous person %ho glided silently about the house" #hen at breakfast one $orning( 'ark see$ed deter$ined to $ake con&ersation" 30ut$eg:3 he asked indicating the spice on the 1rench toast" 3Cinna$on(3 she said" !ear $an" He tried( but both of the$ kne% he couldn't tell paprika fro$ parsley" #hey ga&e the %eather a %hirl( and he $ade a co$$ent on a friend's ne% car( but the sub;ects %ere good for only a %ord or t%o" E&ery topic see$ed prerinsed or dehydrated the $o$ent they touched it" 'ark finally ga&e up and concentrated on the $orning paper( tossing each section on the floor until the space around hi$ took on a layered look" -dd ho% a $an so i$$aculate concerning his person could go around creating litter like a perpetually shedding dog" +he eyed the papers" *atience" !on't rock the boat" *ick the$ up after he lea&es" +he did the dishes( cut and arranged so$e pri$roses and %ondered %hy he didn't get on his %ay" 3Ah( %ould you care to fly do%n to L"A" %ith $e to$orro%:3 he asked rather stiffly as if he'd practiced the in&itation and %as afraid he $ight $uff it" 3#here's a board $eeting for the 0ational Rental Association" 5e %ould go do%n in the $orning and co$e back the ne)t day" I hoped you $ight co$e %ith $e this ti$e"3 Christy tried to $ask her a$a e$ent" He'd ne&er asked her to attend $eetings of his professional groups" Although they fre/uently entertained his clients( he shared fe% of the other aspects of his business" 5as this his %ay of trying to get their life back on an e&en keel: +he hoped so" +he %asn't sure ho% long she could handle the present state of affairs" 3I'd lo&e it(3 she said" He looked pleased" 3<ood" I'll get plane reser&ations" 'aybe you'd like to spend so$e ti$e %ith your sister %hile I'$ at the afternoon $eeting:3 3I'd like that(3 she said( touched at his thought,fulness" He %histled a little tune as he %ent off to %ork" +he'd ne&er before heard hi$ do that" A telephone call found Beth in&ol&ed in a faculty,%i&es' pro;ect( disappointed she couldn't get a%ay for the short &isit" But Aunt 'artha( delighted at the prospect of seeing her niece( pro$ptly issued an in&itation for lunch" Christy felt a rush of affection for her aunt and kne% ho% $uch she'd $issed this ebullient $e$ber of her fa$ily" 'AR6 5A+ #AL6A#I=E A0! 4-=IAL on the dri&e to the airport the ne)t $orning( but the $o$ent they fastened their seat belts on the plane( he took out so$e papers fro$ his attache case and studied the$ intently( barely speaking during the one,hour flight" -nce or t%ice he looked at her and s$iled in a %ay that lifted her spirits" It %as as if he said to her( 3Look( %e'&e hit a fe% rough spots( but let's forget the$"3 *erhaps he'd thought o&er their argu$ent about postponing her pregnancy and %as ready to concede( after all" +he still felt betrayed by his attitude" -n the other hand( she kne% she acted entirely too self, centeredly regarding her plans" It %as ti$e for her to consider his feelings( his needs" 'ark %as a sensiti&e $an( and at ti$es her actions bordered on the brutal" +he reali ed that no%" *erhaps he sa% this trip as a kind of flight fro$ $istakes and pain( a ne% start for the$" All right( then( she %ould do her part" -n arri&al in Los Angeles( 'ark rented a car for her( then fu$bled in his pocket to bring out an in&itation" 3#here's a cocktail party at se&en in the president's suite and a ban/uet to follo%" Let's $eet in our roo$ ahead of ti$e so %e can go together"3 He hailed a ta)i to take hi$ to his nearby hotel( and she headed out of the congested airport and onto the free%ay" Cocktail party7 +he'd packed only a si$ple short black dress" 5ould it be appropriate: But she soon forgot the occasion in the anticipated reunion"

Aunt 'artha %as her usual &i&acious self" +he ser&ed a delicious crab Louis and inundated Christy %ith %itty gossip about $utual ac/uaintances and strangers alike( her con&ersation one long strea$ of non se/uiturs" 3Beth needs to get out $ore( goodness kno%s" #he child isn't resilient like you( Christy . can't see$ to ad;ust to ne% situations" If she doesn't %atch herself( she'll turn into no bargain of the day( belie&e $e& Isn't it $ar&elous about Richard's appoint$ent to head of his depart$ent: He's not a bit stuffy or conceited about the %hole thing( but he's frightfully busy( poor la$b" And darling( ho% do you cope %ith that business of 'ark's: I don't understand it at all" 5ell( %hen you're around those folks( ;ust listen and look profound" Builds character"3 And so the afternoon sped by" 0oting the clock( Christy decided to dress before she dro&e back to $eet 'ark" Her aunt eyed the si$ple go%n critically" 3!on't you ha&e anything dressier: #he party is likely to be a su$ptuous affair if it's held in the president's suite"3 Christy felt dis$ayed" 5hy hadn't 'ark $entioned it earlier: Borro%ing fro$ her aunt's plentiful %ardrobe %as out of the /uestion because of their si e difference" 3Here( take this" 4e%elry %ill help"3 Aunt 'artha handed her a handso$e necklace" A do en genuine pearls spaced on a long gold chain indeed added a touch of elegance" 'artha dis$issed Christy's protests about borro%ing it" 3I'll be co$ing up to see you one of these days" 5ear it until then"3 #he $o$ent Christy entered the free%ay( she kne% she'd not allo%ed enough ti$e for the cross,to%n trek" #he usual s%ift pace di$inished to a cra%l in the rush,hour traffic( and %hen she took a %rong off ra$p( she found herself stopping for endless signals as she tried to find her %ay to the hotel"

It %as se&en,forty,fi&e %hen she %alked into the lobby and picked up her roo$ key" 'ark %as probably furious( but a note propped on the dresser said he had called Aunt 'artha( not to %orry( ;oin hi$ at the party %hen she arri&ed" Relie&ed( she touched up her $akeup /uickly and took the ele&ator up to the e)ecuti&e suite" #he door %as open( so she stepped inside" #here %ere at least t%enty people there( and e&ery %o$an present %ore a long for$al go%n" #he roo$ could ha&e been a decorator's sho%place done in soft greens and i&ory( crystal chandeliers( furniture upholstered in &el&et and bou/uets of crea$y roses e&ery%here" A trio of $usicians played discreetly by the s$all portable dance floor installed at one end of the roo$" 'ark stood %ith his back to her( talking %ith a tall e)otic,looking %o$an %ho could be any%here bet%een thirty and forty" Her shining black hair %as pulled straight back into a chignon( re&ealing an interesting( if not beautiful( face" Her dress %as a startling shade of coral( perhaps an -riental silk( pro&ocati&ely draped on her perfect figure" +he sho%ed co$plete absorption in 'ark's e&ery %ord" Christy still stood at the edge of the roo$" 0o one paid the slightest attention to her" It %as as if she %ere in&isible" 5hat ought she to do: 'ark %as the only person she kne%( and he see$ed far too preoccupied to interrupt" +he eased into a nearby lo&e seat" At least her inappropriate go%n %ould be less conspicuous if she sat do%n" -r $aybe people %ould think she %as one of the $aids resting tired feet" +he looked around and $ade a silent ga$e of trying to pinpoint the host( %ishing endlessly that she hadn't been late" 'ark turned around then( s$iled and $ade a s$all gesture %ith his hand that could ha&e $eant anything fro$( 3I'$ glad you're here3 to 3I'll see you later"3 He turned back to the lady in coral and continued their intent con&ersation" #he %ay the lady's dark eyes glo%ed( she didn't look as if she had business on her $ind" A %aiter passed a tray of pra%ns and cheese and asked if he could bring her a drink" Christy glanced around the roo$" It looked as if e&eryone drank $artinis or +cotch" 35hite %ine( if you're ser&ing it(3 she said" He looked as if she %ere so$e uni/ue( so$e%hat disagreeable species but e&entually returned %ith a glass"

+he'd barely tasted the %ine %hen a tall good,looking youth sat do%n beside her" Although he probably %asn't o&er t%enty,one( he %as so sua&ely turned out he could ha&e co$e %ith the suite( as $uch a part of it as the handso$e cherry%ood highboy that graced the roo$" 3Hi( fo)y lady( I sa% you the $inute you ca$e in(3 he said" 3Ho% could I $iss: #he prettiest girl in the roo$73 His eyes underscored the co$pli$ent" 3I broke a%ay as soon as I could" 5hat's that you're drinking:3 +he s$iled gratefully at this handso$e boy %ho'd ;ust rescued her ego" 3Chablis(3 she said" 35ine( %hen you can ha&e +cotch:3 3I li&e in northern California" +upport the local product( you kno%"3 3All right(3 he said %ith appro&al" 3And are you one of those %ine snobs:3 3I can't tell <a$ay Beau;olais fro$ Zinfandel"3 30either can I" +cotch is $y thing" I'$ 4ere$iah( by the %ay" !ad and $other are thro%ing this party" !ad is president of the national board of directors this year" You kno% hi$( of course:3 3I'$ afraid I don't kno% anyone e)cept $y husband" I'$ Christy Brandon(3 she added a little tardily" It $ight ha&e been fun to re$ain anony$ous for a %hile as long as 'ark see$ed to ha&e abandoned her" 30ot 'ark Brandon's %ife7 I thought you $ight still be in college" I $ight ha&e kno%n 'ark %ould be $arried to a classy lady like you"3 35ell( thank you( I think( but I'$ afraid I feel $ore like a banty hen a$ong a flock of peacocks"3 His eyes narro%ed( and he gestured around the roo$" 3A carni&al done up in poster paints" E&eryone co$plies %ith e$pty con&entions" I can see you're the real thing"3 +he felt a$used at the intensity of his tone and thought she sa% %hat lay behind his youthful &ehe$ence" 4ere$iah caught her looking o&er at 'ark" 3He has a tough assign$ent this session( and as usual it see$s he's going to s%ing it"3 3I'd say things don't look too tough on hi$ at the $o$ent(3 she said dryly" 3-h( she's it"3 3#he assign$ent:3 Christy asked unbelie&ingly" 3Yeah( that's >rsula +t" 4a$es( the &ery i$portant 5ashington( !"C" attorney" Your husband's ;ob is to persuade her into beco$ing the association's lobbyist" Looks as if it's tn the bag" He's been %ith her since lunch( and I'd say she en;oyed e&ery $inute of it"3 Christy silently agreed" 3And do you also ha&e an assign$ent:3 3You'd better belie&e it"3 His tone turned acid" 3-bser&e carefully" Here you see 4ere$iah Arlington HI in the process of beco$ing brain%ashed( learning ho% to %heel and deal( pull strings( finding out %hat $akes the organi ation tick"3 3Interesting(3 Christy $ur$ured politely" 3Like hell(3 he said" 3!ad o%ns three of the largest e/uip$ent rental fir$s in #e)as( rents oil,drilling rigs( the big stuff" !id you kno% a !,F Caterpillar costs one hundred fifty grand: !ad o%ns si)ty of the$ and re$inds $e of it daily"3 Christy kne% nothing about $achinery( but she nodded" 3He runs the outfit %ith all the fer&or of a religious ealot(3 4ere$iah continued" 3You $ight say he considers hi$self the high priest" 0o decision is e&er $ade %ithout

considering the effect on 4" B" Arlington( Incorporated"3 3I suppose you %ork in the business:3 Christy said( her eyes %andering once $ore to%ard 'ark and 'iss +t" 4a$es" 3I'$ still in college( but I'$ e)pected to take o&er %hen dad retires" #he groo$ing process is at fe&er pitch" Bishop 4ere$iah" Ho% does that strike you:3 Christy %ished she could ea&esdrop on 'ark's and >rsula's con&ersation" It appeared so co$pelling( $aybe she could pick up a fe% pointers" 4ere$iah looked at her e)pectantly" 3It strikes $e you're not e)actly happy about the line of succession(3 she said finally" He gri$aced" 3#he understate$ent of the century" Hey( I didn't $ean to bore you" It's ;ust that this %hole scene gets to $e once in a %hile( and I rarely find a sy$pathetic ear in %hich to pour out $y frustrations"3 He glanced around the roo$" 3Co$e $eet $y parents(3 he said( suddenly changing the sub;ect" He took her hand and dre% her o&er to a s$all group near the bar" At once Christy sa% that 4ere$iah recei&ed his gray eyes and char$ fro$ his $other but %as not surprised to note he had his father's resolute cleft chin" #hey chatted cordially for a %hile( then 4ere$iah $o&ed her s$oothly to other groups( $aking introductions" +o$e of the na$es %ere fa$iliar fro$ hearing 'ark speak of the$" Christy glanced %istfully at 'ark" 4ere$iah obser&ed her and shook a playful finger" 3#hat's a no,no" 5e don't interrupt at this point" +ee ho% %ell I'$ learning(3 he said $ockingly" He brought her a tall drink %ith an unfa$iliar na$e and insisted she hadn't li&ed until she tried it" +he took a sip %hile he %atched her reaction" It %as the strongest drink she had e&er tasted" 3I don't think so(3 she said and set it do%n" +he %ould ne&er be able to %alk out of the roo$ if she drank it" He grinned" 30o: Aren't you afraid of hurting $y feelings:3 3And %hat about $ine:3 3<ood point(3 he said" 3+hall %e dance:3 4ere$iah guided her onto the tiny dance floor" #he co$bo no% blared a disco tune( and she could feel the thu$p of the string bass against her te$ples" 5hat %as she doing here %ith this college kid: +he liked to dance( but she didn't kno% any of the ne% steps( $uch less ho% to disco" 5hat if she $ade a fool of herself in front of 'ark and the &ery i$portant lady lobbyist: But t%o other couples %ere already dancing( %hich pre&ented $uch $o&e$ent in the s$all space" 4ere$iah held her close( laid his cheek against hers and $erely s%ayed to the beat" +he felt so relie&ed she rela)ed and allo%ed herself to sa&or the rhyth$" It %ould ha&e been nice if 'ark could spare a little ti$e to dance %ith her( she thought( but at least he %asn't dancing %ith >rsula" 5ere the rental,association affairs al%ays like this: Considering 'ark had spoken barely a do en %ords since the plane left +an 1rancisco( she %ondered %hy he bothered to bring her" 'o$ents later she caught 'ark's uns$iling face as he stared at her" +he bea$ed and ga&e hi$ a blithe little %a&e( then closed her eyes during the rest of the tune and took pleasure in the soapy scent of 4ere$iah's cheek( $aliciously grateful for her attenti&e co$panion" 35hat do you think of the <a$$a Rays:3 he asked after they'd danced a%hile" Hea&ens7 5as she so far re$o&ed fro$ the ad;acent generation: +he didn't kno% %hether

he $eant a rock group or so$e scientific pheno$enon" Ho%e&er( the $usic co&ered her $u$bled response( and he s$iled so engagingly she could only s$ile back" He held her closer as if they'd ;ust reached so$e deep understanding" +he hoped 'ark %as still %atching" 3Let's split and go find so$e real action(3 he said %hen the $usic ended" 3I'll take you to *edro's" It's al$ost ti$e for the ban/uet" I'll bet you don't %ant to listen to dad's after, dinner speech any $ore than I do"3 3But surely your parents e)pect you:3 3*robably" But it's ti$e I dropped a fe% hints about $y future intentions"3 3'eaning:3 3#hat the corporate %orld %ill ha&e to do %ithout 4" Arlington III" #his rat race isn't $y bag" I don't %ant a part of the hierarchy" I plan to defrock $yself( so to speak"3 30o%: But aren't you still in college:3 3I ;ust /uit" #hat %ill cause a fe% fire%orks( but I %on't be around to en;oy the$" I'$ taking off for Europe ne)t %eek( going to tra$p around for a %hile"3 His clear young eyes looked troubled" 3I need to find $yself( Christy" I'$ not sure %ho I a$ yet"3 35ell( ha&e a good ti$e( but don't count on finding yourself o&er there(3 Christy said" 3<eography hasn't $uch to do %ith it"3 He shrugged" 3I'$ not into any hea&y analysis at this point" Ho% about *edro's:3 +he %as a$a ed" !id he honestly think she %ould go %ith hi$: 3#hanks( but I plan on attending the ban/uet %ith 'ark"3 3-h( co$e on" He %on't e&en $iss you" He's got other things on his $ind right no%" Here he co$es" #ell hi$"3 30o( but thanks( 4ere$iah(3 she said fir$ly" 'ark ;oined the$ then( and the three $ade s$all talk for a fe% $inutes" 4ere$iah lifted a hand in a fare%ell salute" 3I'll stick around for a little %hile" If you change your $ind( the offer is still open(3 he said" 35hat offer:3 'ark asked as they %alked to the ele&ator" 3-h( he %anted to take us to so$e place called *edro's(3 she said( diplo$atically plurali ing the pronoun" 3*edro's7 #hat's a discothe/ue %here the college kids hang out"3 +he couldn't help laughing" 3Belie&e it or not( he thought I %as a college kid"3 'ark fro%ned" Apparently he didn't think that a$using" In the ban/uet roo$ they found their seats at the head table" #he guests trooped in( and 'iss +t" 4a$es turned up at 'ark's left" He introduced her to Christy( and the %o$an said a pleasant ho%,do,you,do" Her &oice had a faint Boston accent that re&ealed the cool e)ecuti&e accusto$ed to discreet lunches %ith senior senators" +he probably regarded the %orld as her sta$ping ground" 3You're a nice little thing( but don't interrupt(3 her $anner i$plied as she i$$ediately launched into %hat apparently %as a continuation of a recent con&ersation" 3+o %hat %as the percentage rise on your insurance pre$iu$ %ith the purchase of the skidsteer loaders:3 she asked( darting a brief glance at Christy as she carefully enunciated the na$e o7 the e/uip$ent" !he probably thin&s I'm not able to pronounce it, Christy thought and resigned herself to the ongoing $onopoly of her dinner partner" +he barely finished the e)cellent pri$e rib %hen she $issed the necklace" Alar$ed( she searched under her chair"

3Aunt 'artha loaned it to $e today(3 she e)plained to 'ark" 3It's a &aluable piece" I kno% I had it on %hen I arri&ed at the hotel" I'd better retrace $y steps i$$ediately"3 'ark helped her look around their table" 3+hall I co$e %ith you:3 3It %on't look good if you lea&e no%" I'll return as soon as I can"3 +he slipped out a side door and raced to the ele&ator" #he $ost likely spot %as the cro%ded dance floor in the Arlington's suite" Look there first( then call lost and found( she decided" 4ere$iah's face lit up as he opened the door" 3<reat7 You $ade it( after all"3 3-h( no(3 she said and described the necklace" 3I %as here %hile the cre% cleaned up the place" I'$ sure they didn't find it(3 4ere$iah said" 0e&ertheless( they searched diligently( lea&ing no cushion unturned" 3You need a drink(3 he said finally" Christy insisted she didn't %ant anything( and fro$ the flush on 4ere$iah's cheeks( she suspected he didn't need one( either" He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned do%n and kissed her" 3You're really upset( aren't you:3 #he lingering kiss distressed her" 3Yes( I a$" #he necklace isn't $ine" I feel responsible"3 3Rela)( %e'll go look for it after a %hile" I'$ sure it's okay" In fact( I'll bet on it" 1irst things first( dear lady" 'y dad %ill ra$ble on for another hour at least( follo%ed by the usual /uestion,and,ans%er period" E&erything is under control"3 His flip certainty $ade her i$patient( and she didn't like the faint undertone of $eaning his %ords i$plied" 3>nder control:3 3+ure" Al$ost t%o hours to oursel&es" But you kne% that( didn't you:3 He slipped an ar$ around her %aist" Christy %as du$bfounded" He thought she returned to hi$" He really did" 3*lease( 4ere$iah(3 she said and dre% a%ay" 3'ark %on't e)pect you back" E&en $oney says +t" 4a$es still has hi$ in to%"3 #he accurate guess added to her disco$fort( and she edged to%ard the door" 4ere$iah follo%ed and pulled her back into a confident e$brace" 3You didn't ha&e to in&ent a necklace( you kno%" I %anted this( too"3 He kissed her again" +he forced herself fro$ his ar$s" 3You'&e totally $isunderstood( and I can't see$ to get through to you" I'$ not interested in this sort of thing" I'$ $arried"3 3-f course" I kno% your husband" He's a great guy"3 34er,e,$iah( I'$ $arried(3 she repeated( a$a ed at his candor" He grinned beguilingly" 3+o( don't you like $e:3 3-f course" You're good,looking and char$ing and ha&e been e&er so nice to $e" It's true I'$ not a lot older than you( but it appears as if %e're at least a couple of generations apart"3 He looked genuinely pu led" 3Cue $e in" I don't get it"3 35ell( to put it bluntly( I'$ stuck %ith an old,fashioned principle called fidelity" I don't go in for plural inti$acy" I suppose that isn't hip( %hat's in( or %hate&er the current ter$ is( but that's the %ay I a$" You strike $e as the kind of person %ho %ould respect $y con&ictions"3 He see$ed to consider her state$ents" 3You really $ean that( don't you( Christy:3 3Yes( I do( 4ere$iah"3

35ell( then( not to %orry" Let's ;ust say things didn't %ork out"3 3And they usually do: 3 He grinned and nodded" 3And they usually do(3 he agreed" He %alked her to the ele&ator" 3#his is a hellu&a %ay to end our short ac/uaintance" 5e could still go to *edro's"3 30o(3 Christy said" 3And let's forget these past fe% $inutes" Aside fro$ that( I %ant you to kno% you %ere a real friend tonight" I didn't kno% a soul at your party8 'ark %as busy %ith his 'assign$ent(' and I felt inappropriately dressed" In fact( I %as ready to lea&e %hen you rescued $e" You %ere %onderful to take $e under your %ing( introduce $e( dance %ith $e" I'll not forget you( 4ere$iah"3 +he reached out and laid a hand on his ar$" 3<ood luck on your defrocking"3 He pushed the button to su$$on the ele&ator" 3I'll not forget you( either( Christy(3 he said" #hen his gray eyes gre% thoughtful" 3I %as lucky to $eet you tonight" I can see that I ha&e to straighten out a fe% things in $y life" -ne thing is for certain" I %on't consider I'&e found $yself until I'$ as sure of $y &alues as you are of yours"3 He bent and kissed her lightly( then took her hand and dropped in the necklace" 3I found it under the lo&e seat only a $inute ago( and in case you're interested( I $ade a bet %ith $yself that you'd not go along %ith $e either here or to *edro's in spite of $y da ling personality"3 As the ele&ator %hisked her do%n( she decided not to return to the ban/uet" #he speech %ould not be o&er( but she didn't relish a conspicuous entrance" Any%ay( 'ark probably preferred to %rap up his assignment, attention undi&ided" +till( it rankled that after 'ark %as so insistent on her acco$panying hi$( that he couldn't ha&e spent a little ti$e %ith her" +he felt truly interested in the %orkings of these affairs and their i$portance and tie, ins %ith his business" !id he think that she %as too nai&e to understand: Back in the roo$( she took a leisurely sho%er and put on a crea$,satin peignoir( a gift for her trousseau that she'd ne&er %orn" #hen she sat on the bench at the dressing table and brushed her hair( going o&er the e&ents of this long strange day" A fe% $inutes later( 'ark %alked into the roo$ and ca$e up behind her" He looked at her reflection for a $o$ent( then put his hand on her shoulder" #heir eyes $et in the $irror" 3You look lo&ely(3 he said" +he s$iled her thanks and brushed the da$p curls a%ay fro$ her face" 3-&er already:3 she asked" 30o( but I left right after the speech" I'&e been %ith that cro%d all day" <ets claustrophobic after a %hile" I hoped I'd find you here"3 He pulled a s$all package out of his pocket and dropped it into her lap" #he s$art little gold bo) carried the label of the fine ;e%eler %hose shop she had seen near the lobby" +he looked up in surprise" 3But it's not $y birthday( 3 she said and untied the ribbon" 3I kno%" I ;ust felt like gi&ing you so$ething"3 3 *earl earrings e)/uisitely set in etched gold rested on a &el&et cushion" 3I lo&e the$7 'y first genuine pearls(3 she cried" +he pulled off the clips and inserted the posts into her ears" Christy felt so o&er%hel$ed by the une)pected gift that she could hardly speak" 3#hey're lo&ely( but 'ark93 she said" 3But Christy(3 he $i$icked( then turned serious" 3I guess I'$ trying to tell you so$ething( and I'$ not &ery good at it" #he truth is( it $eans a great deal to $e to ha&e you along %ith $e at these business functions" I kno% you $ay find that hard to reconcile

after today"3 +he couldn't belie&e her ears" 35ell( I ad$it I got a rather different i$pression"3 3I can understand that( and the %ay these affairs %ork out( today probably %as not unusual"3 He sat do%n ne)t to her and took her hand in his" 3I can't e)plain e)actly( but ;ust kno%ing you are %ith $e $akes $e feel $ore co$plete( gi&es $e a feeling of support" !oes that $ake any sense: #hen tonight %hen I sa% you across the roo$ at the Arlingtons' party( I kept thinking( that beautiful girl o&er there is $y %ife7 I felt so proud of you"3 35hy( that's lo&ely( 'ark"3 Her &oice sounded husky( and she kne% she %ould cry if he said any $ore" He pushed her hair behind her ears( the better to get the effect of the earrings" 34ust as I &isuali ed the$ on you(3 he said( then noticed her bri$$ing eyes" 3Hey( %hat kind of a reaction is that:3 +he shook her head" 3+orry" 4ust o&er%hel$ed( I guess"3 'ark %as such a conundru$" He al%ays see$ed so self,sufficient( so in another %orld not at all rele&ant to hers" #hen all of a sudden he %ould surprise her %ith his sensiti&ity as if he'd been tuned in to her all along" #he %ay he surprised her %ith her piano( for e)a$ple" 3You do such thoughtful things( 'ark(3 she said and %iped her eyes" 3Are you okay:3 he asked" +he nodded" 3-kay"3 Her heart %as too full to say anything else" He %ent to sho%er then" +he picked up a $aga ine and thu$bed through it( not seeing a single page" 5hat %as this all about: !id he feel guilty about deserting her today( or did he really $ean all he said: +he %as certain that he'd ne&er looked $ore earnest" It %as as if he %ere saying he needed her" Yet in the light of recent /uarrels( nothing added up" He ca$e out a fe% $inutes later in his p;'s( still to%eling his hair" 31eeling better:3 she asked" 3'uch"3 3'ission acco$plished( no doubt:3 3>rsula +t" 4a$es signed a contract tonight( if that's %hat you $ean"3 3A $ost attracti&e lady"3 3And sharp as they co$e" #he association is lucky to get her" +he's strictly business" !id you find your necklace:3 3I lost it at the cocktail party" 4ere$iah found it"3 'ark raised an eyebro%" 3A real handy fello%"3 3-h( so you noticed:3 3You bet" E&ery $o&e" He see$ed to hand out /uite a line"3 3#hat he did" It %asn't &ery original( though" But I thought he %as rather s%eet"3 3+o I gathered" I $ust say I didn't think $uch of his dancing" But you see$ed to en;oy it"3 +he rolled her eyes" 3+trictly business" Board,$e$bers' %i&es $ust be char$ing to board,$e$bers' sons" Right:3 35ell( ne)t ti$e I'd prefer that you a&oid that kid( e&en though he is 4"B"'s son"3 'ark looked so ridiculous( the %ay he stood glo%ering( flicking the to%el back and forth( looking for all the %orld like a $atador in a bull ring( that she burst out laughing" 3-h( 'ark( I'll s%ear you're snorting fire and bri$stone" Ho% can you get annoyed at

anyone as har$less as 4ere$iah: He's ;ust a baby"3 +he picked up a decorator pillo% fro$ the chaise longue and playfully hurled it at hi$" His eyes glinted as he caught and flung it back" 3+o( you like fire%orks: 5ell( co$e here( then"3 His tone %as pitched lo%( %hich pointed up the challenge" +till laughing( she circled the chaise longue and around the roo$( then dodged( feinted and une)pectedly bu$ped into hi$" He pulled her do%n on the bed( %here they continued to struggle( li$bs ent%ined( slapping . not hard . t%isting ar$s( pinching lightly( biting" Hea&ens( they %ere going at each other like a couple of sa&ages" But ho% splendid it felt" A catharsis: 5ho cared: 'ark fra$ed her face and brought it close to his( eyes glistening %ith e)cite$ent" #hen his touch softened" +he stopped struggling and closed her eyes to his kiss( gentle at first( then urgent and de$anding" !on't think( a ca$eo $o$ent( so$ething to cherish( no regrets9" A1#ER5AR! #HEY LAY in each other's ar$s( incredulous and e)hausted" He ran a finger o&er the faint bite on her shoulder that probably %ould turn into a bruise( then kissed it" 3!are I co$$ent:3 3-nly if it's flattering and classy"3 35ell( it's honest(3 he said" 3You're %onderful( Christy( truly %onderful( e)cept that %ord doesn't e)press e&erything" It doesn't stretch" It isn't big enough" Any%ay( I ha&e a suggestion" 5e ha&e a choice( you and I" 1ro$ no% on %e can chuck all the barriers %e'&e both set bet%een us( and if tonight is any indication( %e can e)plore %hat could be a great relationship"3 He held her against hi$ and kissed her forehead" 3-r %e can cla$ up again and stockpile a lot of neuroses"3 +he reached up and ran a finger across his chin" 3I guess you're saying2 ''ake lo&e( not %ar"' 3 3You could put it that %ay" 5hat do you think:3 3I think it sounds like a slogan on a poster"3 3And a da$n good one" +hall %e adopt it:3 1h, yes, 3ar&. I want to, I want to, she thought but said nothing" #oo $any gre$lins rode around the edges( pre&enting the co$$it$ent he asked" 0ot daring to speak( she slipped her ar$s around his neck once again and kissed hi$" !id that satisfy hi$: +he hoped so" At least( he soon fell asleep" +he didn't %ant to do anything to spoil this night" +he %anted to keep the dearness of it intact in her $e$ory fore&er" If she had brought up all the /uestions that hounded her no%( she %ould ha&e turned e&erything to ruin" 5hat barriers did he $ean: +he %as afraid to ask" +he felt a flood of %ar$th as she recalled their lo&e,$aking" 35e can chuck all the barriers . from now oG(3 he stated" +he %as grateful he hadn't said )for the duration"3 !uration" +uch a cold li$iting %ord" #hat's %hat he really $eant( of course( and it %ould ha&e sla$$ed do%n on her like a guillotine" But 'ark had said )from now on.) #hat phrase had pro$ise and grace" It %as open,ended" It hinted of a future" +he touched the pearl earrings and %ondered if she dared hope"

CHAPTER ELEVEN

#HE 1-LL-5I0< 5EE6 'ark left for -regon" He %ould be a%ay for three %eeks %hile he set up a couple of ne% franchise operations" #he $o$ent he left( Christy began to count the days until his return" !top it, she %arned( you've already devised too many treacherous little schemes to undermine the contract, and she headed for the piano to concentrate on scales and arpeggios" Her fingers didn't perfor$ %ell this $orningB and after a fe% $inutes she ga&e up and %ent upstairs to %rite a letter to Beth" Half%ay through( she tore it up and called her instead" Richard %as fine" He had been in&ited to read a paper at a science conference at >"+"C" and Beth spoke %ith ani$ation about her ne% pro;ect at the hospital( so$ething to do %ith organi ing play therapy in the children's %ard" Christy recogni ed the %istfulness that edged Beth's &oice as she described so$e of the children" #he /uality %ould probably al%ays re$ain unless she had a child of her o%n to lo&e" *atience( Beth" Christy %ent do%nstairs to fi) herself a bite of lunch" 5hat $ade her feel at such loose ends today: E&eryone else see$ed to ha&e purpose and direction" +he eyed the latest pile of cookbooks she'd borro%ed fro$ the library" -dd ho% 'ark see$ed to en;oy i$pro$ptu $eals( far $ore than her labored preparations" 5ell( okay( then" E)it one inept gour$et cook" *erhaps she'd check %ith the college night,school progra$( enroll in a course" Not cooking" +he needed an i$$ediate purge so decided to %alk to the library and return the books at once" -utside an early,spring sun argued %ith a chilly noon" +cudding clouds dappled the side%alk( and the surrounding hills turned cha$eleonlike fro$ green to &iolet in the changing light" #he at$osphere( brisk and asserti&e( underlined her deter$ination" #he librarian( half glasses sliding do%n her nose( checked in the books and handed,Christy a card that $arked a page" 3+o$ething i$portant:3 Christy scanned a na$e,and telephone nu$ber in 'ark's fir$ly slanted hand%riting" -'Rourke" #he na$e see$ed fa$iliar" #hen she recalled 'ark's $ention of the dra$a group that needed an acco$panist" 5hen had he $entioned the opening: 5hene&er9 it %as probably too late" But she still rode the crest of her resol&e and found a pay phone in the lobby" +he dialed the nu$ber" 3-ak 6noll Ele$entary +chool(3 a businesslike fe$inine &oice replied" 3+orry" I %as calling a 'r" -'Rourke"3 3'r" -'Rourke is the principal" *lease hold"3 .ang up, you fool. "ou can't even handle your present responsibilities, Christy told herself" 3Ryan -'Rourke here"3 A resonant &oice ca$e on the line" 3#his is Christy +teele speaking( that is( Christy +teele Brandon(3 she added /uickly( e$barrassed at her slip" 3'y husband $entioned that you %ere looking for an acco$panist" Is the position still open:3 3Is it e&er7 Brandon: -f course" I $et your husband at Rotary" He says you're a fe$ale =an Cli,burn"3 Christy raised her eyebro%s" +he couldn't i$agine 'ark saying that" 30ot e)actly( but I do ha&e a fair a$ount of e)perience"3 31abulous7 And %hat perfect ti$ing7 -ur present acco$panist is $o&ing to southern California to$orro%"3 His &itality leaped across the %ires( and Christy found herself going breathless at the prospect of getting back into her &ery o%n %orld again" 3I do ha&e other obligations" Ho% $uch ti$e is re/uired:3 3E&ening rehearsals held t%ice a %eek here at the school auditoriu$" Later you $ay %ant e)tra ti$e %ith soloists and dance nu$bers( but you can arrange that at your o%n con&enience"3 Christy hesitated" +he'd %orked on these productions and kne% /uite %ell the hours in&ol&ed" 3*erhaps I'd better check %ith $y husband"3 3-h" I'$ positi&e there's no proble$ there( none at all(3 'r" -'Rourke said %ith an assurance that $ini$i ed any further e)cuse" 3As a $atter of fact( your husband see$ed an)ious to find an outlet for your talent"3 +he felt a flush of pleasure that 'ark had pro$oted her talent" Aside fro$ his thoughtfulness in $o&ing her piano( she belie&ed he'd forgotten about her $usic" 3'rs" Brandon: Christy: Are you still there: Your husband did $ention that this %as a &olunteer stint: If it's pay that concerns you( I $ight %angle a stipend fro$ the Ci&ic Art Co$$ission"3 3-h( no( it's not that"3 35ell( then( it's settled(3 he said authoritati&ely" 3I can bring the $usic o&er this e&ening and go o&er the score %ith you if that's okay" 5hat ti$e is con&enient( and %here do you li&e:3 Hold on( 'r" -'+hea( -'Brien( -'Rourke( or %hate&er your na$e is" You're going a%fully fast" But she heard herself gi&e her address"

3!arlin( you're a gift straight fro$ hea&en73 +o it %as 3darling3 already( %as it: +he s$iled %ith nostalgic recall of the fa$iliar language a$ong close,knit perfor$ing groups" 'r" -'Rourke's school %as located do%n the hill only three blocks fro$ the to%n house" +he could %alk to rehearsals" #hat %ould take care of one co$plication since she and 'ark still shared the sa$e car" +he felt elated( a little frightened and thoroughly satisfied %ith herself" A# *RECI+ELY EI<H# -'CL-C6 that e&ening the doorbell rang" #he blond giant at her door bore not the re$otest likeness to Christy's $ental i$age of Ryan -'Rourke( ele$entary,school principal" -nly the cultured &oice bridged the identity" 3'r" -'Rourke( of course" Co$e in(3 she said( still trying to reconcile the tall bearded $an %ho see$ed $ore a fit descendant of a =iking con/ueror than the pedantic head of an ele$entary school" He %as probably in his $iddle thirties( and the set of his head( the fluid $o&e$ents of his handso$e body and his eyes( alight %ith a disar$ing roguishness( spoke of an unflagging est for life" 3#he na$e is Ryan(3 he said %ith a grin" His glance s%ept her fro$ head to foot and apparently found her not %anting" 3Attracti&e place you ha&e here"3 3-nly the piano and books are ours(3 she said" 1ne doesn 't buy furniture for a one-year stand, she thought( but Ryan -'Rourke looked the kind of $an %ho %ould not be startled by such infor$ation" 3'ay I fi) you so$e coffee: A drink:3 He strode o&er to the piano and spread out the $anuscript" 3Later $aybe" Let's get to %ork on Catherina.) He indicated a place beside hi$ on the bench and chorded aggressi&ely for a fe% $inutes" 3<reat instru$ent7 I play a fair cello( but I'$ no pianist"3 3I'$ not fa$iliar %ith this $usical" #ell $e about it(3 Christy said" 35ell( actually it %as %ritten by t%o college students as a senior,co$position pro;ect( and it's based on the fa$ily of 4" +" Bach"3 3I like it already73 3I think it's a %inner( all right" As you kno%( Bach's sons all achie&ed fa$e and popularity throughout Europe during their lifeti$es( but the pre$ise of the sho% is that the oldest daughter( Cath,erina( %as actually the real genius"3 3But because she %as a girl973 3E)actly7 +he had to stay ho$e and help $ind the kids"3 #he $usic i$$ediately intrigued Christy( a $ar&elous blend of baro/ue and rock( %hich to her $ind had enough si$ilarities to be blood relati&es( any%ay" As she played the score( Ryan sang the parts and $ade subtle changes in posture and e)pression to bring ali&e each character" His e)pertise astonished her" 3I lo&e it73 she cried se&eral s%ift hours later" Ryan ga&e her an uninhibited bear hug" 3You're a pro( Christy darlin'73 Her $orale soared at his %holehearted ad$iration( and she flushed %ith pleasure" It %as a %onderful feeling to do so$ething %ell for a change" 3You're pretty unbelie&able yourself(3 she said" 3You'&e gi&en $e real insight into all the characters"3 He stretched( then $o&ed easily to slu$p into a co$fortable chair" 3-h( dra$atics is ;ust one of $y $any talents" Bend $e in any direction( and I sparkle plenty" But $ake no $istake( I'$ school$aster first( last and all the %ay in bet%een"3 Appearances to the contrary( she thought" 5ell( there %as no la% that said you had to look the part" 3By the %ay( %here's 'ark:3 he asked" +he felt a guilty start as she e)plained his absence" +he hadn't once thought of 'ark during the entire e&ening" +o the cure %orked better than she anticipated7 +he caught Ryan's eye and had the unco$fortable feeling that he already had her sorted out and cataloged like so$e one,celled lab speci$en" 3I'll ha&e that drink no% if the offer is still good"3 He s$iled" His face beca$e all dents and creases %ith an elusi&e di$ple in one cheek" A face like that couldn't be labeled and filed8 that %as certain" +he poured t%o glasses of port and %ondered if 'ark $ight be a$used or %ould e&en be interested that she shared a glass of %ine %ith a handso$e stranger at $idnight" #HE +A0 1ELI*E CI=IC #HEA#ER <R->* included $e$bers %ho ranged fro$ stagestruck college students to retired pros and other citi ens like Ryan %ho shared a co$$on passion for the stage" Christy i$$ediately felt at ho$e as they e$braced her in the ebullient $anner of sho% people %ho delight in

turning inconse/uential $o$ents into significant happenings" <eoff( the $ale lead( asked for a /uick run,through of his first solo before Ryan started the e&ening rehearsal" 3#he key isn't right for you(3 Christy said at the conclusion and transposed it a %hole tone lo%er" 3'an( %hat a difference73 <eoff cried( after singing it again %hile e&eryone applauded her skill" 3-h( I al%ays thro% in a little transposition ;ust to i$press people(3 Christy said( blushing at their praise" 35o%( a girl %ho can still blush(3 <eoff said" 3-ccupational ha ard of shy acco$panists(3 Christy $ur$ured" 3A $odest redheaded beauty %ith brains" Rather a deadly co$bination( eh:3 Ryan said and blessedly called for the first act" !uring the coffee break an hour later( 6aren( %ho played the lead role of Catherina( sat do%n on the piano bench beside Christy" 3Can you i$pro&ise along %ith your other talents:3 3After a fashion(3 Christy said" 3Ryan %ants to add to a dance nu$ber after $y song8 so$ething $editati&e( the $usic inside $e that seeks e)pression( you kno%( %hile $y brothers recei&e all the training" 5atch"3 6aren leaped to the stage and began to dance %ith slo% free $o&e$ents" Christy played a /uiet succession of chords in a parody of a si)teenth,century pa&ane( and the roo$ beca$e suddenly /uiet" Ryan loo$ed out of no%here and banged a chair on the floor" 35rong73 he thundered" 3But it's a solilo/uy( Ryan" I can bare $y anguish $ore articulately in the less restricti&e $o&e$ents of $odern dance"3 #he group gathered gleefully to ;oin in the argu$ent" 36aren's right(3 said a <ypsylike girl called 'argo" 30othing like free $o&e$ent to pro;ect an e$otion73 Ryan glo%ered at the$" 35hat kind of integrity is that: Catherina li&ed in a ti$e %hen a %o$an's role %as rigidly defined" #herefore( at this point in the story she $ust e)press her feelings in the disciplined $o&e$ents of classical ballet" <ranted( it's $ore challenging"3 He hurled the taunt at 6aren" 3Later( %hen she co$es to ter$s %ith life( she can use the free for$"3 #hey all talked at once" 3Ryan( you're stressing i$ages instead of concepts73 3Yes" You'&e got to sho% life as a trainload of discipline on a one,%ay track"3 30ot life( $an" Libido( soul"3 3+ince she %ants to bare her soul( %hy not bare all: In a sheer body stocking( of course(3 <eoff added as 6aren thu$bed her nose at hi$" 35hy( darlings( ho% &ery shre%d of you(3 'argo cried" 3#hat %ill take care of the ticket sales" I can see the headlines no%2 '+an 1elipe *layers 1eature 0ude !ance in +pring +ho%7' 3 6aren t%irled a sash and perfor$ed a series of bu$ps to gi&e a s$art i$itation of a stripper %hile Christy beat out the appropriate $usic" E&entually they settled do%n to serious %ork( and %hen Ryan insisted on dri&ing her ho$e at the end of the rehearsal( she felt as if she'd &isited a fa$iliar planet" +he lo&ed using her skills to %ork %ith these people and re&eled in their uninhibited banter( their effer&escence and creati&ity( e&en though $ost of the ti$e she kne% she %as $ore of a be%itched audience than a bona fide participant" 0e&ertheless( she shared %ith the$ an esoteric set of refle)es that $ade the$ a uni/ue fa$ily( intuiti&e and supporti&e( %ith %ho$ she could practice her art and talk about it %ithout the reticence she felt %ith those %ho %ere not part of the circle" After she arri&ed ho$e( she felt re&&ed up like a high,speed engine and spent half the night trying to %ork out the $usic for 6aren's ballet" #hen suddenly( as if her subconscious had prepared a finished score for her( an inspiration flashed into her $ind( and she %orked fe&erishly until da%n to set do%n the notation" #he $usic flo%ed naturally( a t%o,part fugue %ith the the$es playing against each other( one strict and staid to represent society and the other for Catherina( li&ely and in&enti&e" E)hausted( but %ith a deep feeling of satisfaction( she finally fell into bed( gi&ing thanks for 'ark's capricious act of %riting do%n the na$e 1'+our&e. +HE 5-6E 5I#H A HEA!ACHE the ne)t $orning and felt so lethargic she didn't %ant to $o&e" +he $ust be co$ing do%n %ith so$ething" -ccasional nausea had bothered her for a day or so( but she'd attributed it to the long hours spent on co$posing %ith only a gesture no% and then to%ard food or sleep" +uddenly she

flung herself out of bed and ran to the bathroo$ %here she bent double in dry rasping hea&es( then %alked slo%ly to her desk to check her calendar" +he %as o&erdue( all right" +he'd been so %rapped up in Catherina that she'd not reali ed" -h( <od( %hat %ould 'ark say: +he cra%led back into bed and tried to shut e&erything out of her $ind" Her clock radio played softly( but she refused to identify the tune and closed her eyes so that she %ouldn't kno% the ti$e of day" 0othing helped" /lease, od, not now. I mustn't get pregnant now. 3ar& will be furious. But $aybe it %asn't so" +he could be getting upset o&er nothing" +he desperately tried to recall e&erything she'd e&er read on the sub;ect" +tress could delay a period( couldn't it: Later in the day she selected a gynecologist fro$ the telephone book on the irrational basis that his first na$e %as 'ark and felt relief that she couldn't get an appoint$ent for another %eek" 'aybe nature %ould cooperate by then( and she %ouldn't need to go" -n the day of the e)a$ination( she felt so ill she al$ost canceled the appoint$ent" "ou're programming yourself not to face facts, she told herself" Call a ta(i. Now. #he e&idence %as e$inently positi&e according to !r" 'ark Ha$ilton( %ho bea$ed %ith the infor$ation and ga&e her a prescription to alle&iate the nausea" It see$ed she $ust ha&e concei&ed during the first $onth if the doctor's calculations %ere correct" Her baby %ould be born %ell %ithin the year of their contract" 5hen she'd first planned a child to take !a&y's place( she had i$agined nothing less than pure ;oy %hen she concei&ed" Instead( she %restled %ith depression" #here %as a ne% life %ithin her( a part of her and of 'ark" 0o% she understood %hat 'ark had tried to tell her" 5hat had she been thinking %hen she planned to bundle up their baby and hand it o&er like one fro$ a litter of puppies( e&erything neat and tidy: +he could see that it %asn't going to %ork that %ay" 'ark had called t%ice thus far during his absence( asked ho% things %ere going for her and enthusiastically re&ie%ed his %ork establishing the t%o ne% rental centers" +he told hi$ she had taken the acco$panist ;ob but couldn't bring herself to di&ulge the ne%s( he didn't %ant to hear" +he kne% her restraint ga&e an artificial /uality to her con&ersation and could i$agine his pu led e)pression" 5ell( artificiality %as $ade to order for the contract she originally planned" 'ark said he %ould return on +unday" +o$eho% she %ould ha&e to $uster enough courage to tell hi$ then" But he had $ade it plain he %asn't ready to handle her pregnancy yet" He had said clearly it %ould 3thro% hi$"3 'aybe she ought to %ait a%hile( bide her ti$e until a prudent $o$ent ca$e along" +aturday,night rehearsals al%ays ran late( and it %as close to $idnight %hen Ryan called a halt to his relentless insistence on belie&able action" #hen( as if to $ake up for the grueling e&ening( he sent out for beer and pi a" Christy didn't care for beer( and the s$ell of the hot pi a no% repelled her( but she found it i$possible to refuse either fro$ the effer&escent cre%" +ti$ulated by the intense %orkout( they sat together on the stage floor and relentlessly intellec,tuali ed their roles" Christy longed to collapse in her bed as /uickly as possible" +he kne% she had coasted o&erlong on the e)cite$ent of the e&ening and %ondered ho% long her endurance %ould hold" Al$ost t%o hours later they finally broke up" 3You %ere $ighty /uiet tonight( darlin'(3 Ryan said as he dro&e her the three short blocks ho$e( a habit that already see$ed fir$ly established" 3I think a change of scenery %ould do you good at this point" I ha&e a place on the coast" +ea House( I call it" It's north of 1ort Ross a fe% $iles" You and 'ark are %elco$e to use it anyti$e" It's a great place to rela)"3 3#hat's &ery thoughtful of you( Ryan( but actually I %as ;ust o&er%hel$ed by the fire%orks tonight" Are you al%ays such a tyrant:3 3Absolutely" E&en $ore so at $y school" +ecurity flourishes %ith %ell,defined boundaries" ?uote2 Ryan -'Rourke( e$inent child authority"3 3Ele$entary( I suppose( fro$ a far,out 0orse god na$ed -'Rourke" Incidentally ho% do you e)plain that co$bination:3 3Easy %hen you ha&e a tall blond $other %hose na$e %as #hrondsen"3 3!oesn't the leprechaun in you e&er under$ine the $artinet:3 3-h( sure" 5e beco$e do%nright polari ed at ti$es( but as a %hole( I find it a useful arrange$ent"3 3I get it" #he iron hand in the &el&et glo&e"3 3Begorra and if you'&e not found $e out at last(3 he said in a fine Irish accent" #hey turned into her dri&e%ay( and she stu$bled a little as she got out of the car" He /uickly took her ar$" 3Hey( you really look beat" Any proble$s I should kno% about( darlin': Ha&e I pushed you too hard:3 34ust tired( I guess" I didn't sleep too %ell last night"3 !rat her face" It %as al%ays as easy to read as a

first,grade pri$er" He kissed her on the cheek and ga&e her a hug" 35ell( take care( s%eetheart $ine"3 3<ood night"3 +he hardly had the energy to fit the key into the lock( $uch less to think of a %itty retort" +he %ent inside( closed the door and stood in the dark for a fe% $o$ents and tried to reco&er her e/uilibriu$" If only she didn't feel so di y" *erhaps she %ould ;ust curl up on the sofa" +he'd ne&er $ake it upstairs" +uddenly a light s%itched on( and 'ark ca$e do%n the stairs t%o at a ti$e" 3'y <od( Christy( %here ha&e you been: In fi&e $ore $inutes I %ould ha&e called the police73 'ark's face( gra&e %ith %orry( alternately ballooned and receded %ithout e&er co$ing into focus" +he put her hand to her head to sta&e off the nausea" 35ell( $y goodness( 'ark( you said you %ouldn't be ho$e until +unday"3 3+unday7 !idn't you recei&e $y $essage:3 Christy stared du$bly" He %alked o&er to her" 35hen I couldn't reach you by telephone this $orning( I called the landlady to put a note in the $ailbo)"3 +he shook her head" +he hadn't e&en looked at the $ail today" 'ark reached into the indoor $ail drop and sorted through the contents" In silent accusation he held out the note to her" Her sto$ach churned" 3I'$ sorry( 'ark" I'&e been incredibly busy"3 3#oo busy to look at the $ail( for crying out loud:3 3'ark" I told you( don't you re$e$ber: I took the acco$panist's ;ob for the Ci&ic #heater group" #hey rehearse late on +aturday nights"3 3#heater group73 he echoed and looked as if she ;ust announced that she took a ;ob in a $assage parlor" 31or hea&en's sake( 'ark( you're the one %ho suggested it" You ga&e $e the director's card"3 35ell( I had no idea you'd get so %rapped up in it you'd put e&erything else out of your life"3 +he stared at hi$" He see$ed tired( harassed and the &ery picture of an in;ured $ale" 3I ha&e not put e&erything else out of $y life( not you( not our house and not your clients" I can $anage( $aybe not perfectly( but I'll $anage"3 3I'$ afraid that %ill take so$e doing if you're going to burn the candle at both ends"3 3Look( for three $onths I'&e been dedicated to the &acuu$ cleaner( a sla&e to the $eat ther$o$eter( and I'&e arranged your table %ith centerpieces right out of .ouse 0eautiful. I like a neat household( and I like running it on schedule" But it's not enough" You H said so yourself" 'usic is part of $e" I lo&e %hat I'$ doing( and I need to do it" 5e're putting on a sho% soon %ith a nu$ber of late rehearsals co$ing up" It al%ays %orks this %ay" 'y goodness( you're out of to%n for %eeks at a ti$e" I accept that73 He looked at her oddly as if she'd ;ust gi&en a %retched reading of 4oan of Arc" -r $aybe her skin turned gray or green" Ah( he $ust ha&e s$elled the beer on her breath" 3You'd better sit do%n(3 he said( his tone glacial" 3It's apparent that you'&e had a rather e)hilarating rehearsal" 5hich do you prefer( a cup of black coffee or an ice bag:3 #he entire con&ersation s$acked of so$e cra y $elodra$a( and she %anted to say so" Instead( she s%ayed and fell for%ard hanging onto a chair" #he roo$ see$ed to fade out like a dissol&e in a $o&ie" +he s%allo%ed carefully" 3'ark( listen" It isn't %hat you think at all" #he truth is . 3 +he couldn't continue" #he $ore i$$inent truth %as that she had to get to the bathroo$" I$$ediately" +he ran( stu$bling( and arri&ed to retch inter$inably( then leaned against the %all( e)hausted" E&entually she cli$bed into the tub and soaked in the blessed bal$ of hot %ater" +he slipped into her nightgo%n and kne% the ti$e had co$e to tell 'ark about the baby" Considering his state of $ind( it %ouldn't be easy( but this e&ening's actions deser&ed an e)planation" Any%ay( she longed for the co$fort that %ould surely co$e if she could say so$ething that %ould return the$ to the $o$ent before he lost trust in her" 'ark's bro%s %ere pulled into a faint sco%l" He looked bushed and dear and boyish and incredibly &ulnerable" It %as possible that he pretended sleep( but %hether or not( she hadn't the heart to rouse hi$ to add $ore hurt to this already upsetting day" 5ell( he %ould kno% soon enough" It %asn't as if she could keep her secret $uch longer" +he edged into bed and turned out the light"

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHRI+#Y 5A+ <-I0< to ha&e a baby" 0o% the reality edged all her thoughts and actions" Eat balanced $eals'( no ;unk food( and re$e$ber to take your &ita$ins" 5ear that ne% skirt today" +oon you $ay be too fat" At ti$es she i$agined herself part of a $etaphysical e)perience and thought of her child as !a&y's reincarnation8 !a&y( %ho %as getting ready to be born again" !a&y( %ho at last %ould return to his parents" +he read books on natural childbirth and %orried about prenatal disasters such as <er$an $easles and $iscarriage" Don't be silly, she chided herself" 0irth is universal. #hat's new about having a baby, 5hat's ne% %as that she %as the one %ho %as ha&ing it" 0o% she %atched a deter$ined spring fling $antles o&er the April hillsides and da le +an 1elipe %ith cloudless skies( a brilliant fanfare for the ne% life %ithin her" Actually she al%ays thought of spring as a hyperthyroid condition of the earth( e&erything panted too hard( and she so$eti$es beca$e uneasy in the a$bience of the e)tra&agant energy" +he preferred autu$n" #hen the days held a golden gracious /uality( a kind of at,ease,%ith,itself $aturity that broke free fro$ the frenetic pace of a year in its youth" #he season found Christy caught up in the $ost de$anding schedule she'd e&er e)perienced" Cast $e$bers dropped in at all hours to rehearse their songs( and she ran do%n the hill to the school auditoriu$ innu$erable ti$es each %eek to $eet %ith the dancers or the children's chorus" #hen Ryan added &iolin( string bass and flute to for$ a pit ense$ble( %hich $eant she $ust orchestrate the entire score for the s$all group of $usicians" After a grueling rehearsal after school one afternoon( Christy locked the auditoriu$ and headed to the office to drop off the key" +he $et Ryan %ith a skin di&er's %et suit and snorkel outfit in his ar$s" 30o% %hat:3 she asked" 3#o the coast for a little R and R" 5ant to ;oin $e:3 3Looks like an o$inous e)cursion" 5hat are you doing %ith that cro%bar:3 3!i&ing for abalone" -nly one of the $ost popular sports in the area( $ada$( and I use the cro%bar to pry the$ fro$ under%ater rocks"3 m 3Abalone: I kno% their shells are used for buttons( ;e%elry and such" 5hat do they look like:3 3#hey're a large o&al shellfish a&eraging se&en to eight inches long" !elicious eating" A little like cla$s( only $ilder" End of nature,study lesson" I'$ heading out to chaperon a high,school skin,di&ing club"3 3+o$e rest and rela)ation73 3#he best" You're in another %orld %hen you s%i$ under those shallo% coastal %aters" #here's a perfect co&e for di&ing ;ust belo% $y +ea House"3 Christy suddenly recalled the last letter fro$ Aunt 'artha( so$ething about her %ell,to,do friend Ida #ra&ener( %ho had donated her seashore estate to +outhern +ierra >ni&ersity on condition it be de&eloped into a center for the perfor$ing arts" 5ould it be near Ryan's +ea House( she %ondered" 3!o;rou kno% anything about a place called Rockledge( the #ra&ener estate:3 3!o I kno% it73 Ryan cried" 3It's ;ust a stone's thro% fro$ $y place" It's a palatial colonial three,story ho$e %ith attracti&e barns and guest houses all set in a beautiful little bay" I %as in college %ith one of the granddaughters( Alicia #ra&ener" 5e %ent together for a %hile( but she up and $arried so$e $illionaire" +ure( I'&e been there $any ti$es" 5hy do you ask:3 Christy e)plained the infor$ation in her aunt's letter" Ryan set his e/uip$ent on the counter( his body suddenly electric" 3+ay that again" I si$ply can't belie&e it" !o you kno% I'&e spent half $y life &isuali ing that estate as a perfor$ing,arts center: E&ery ti$e I dri&e by the place( I drea$ of $anaging such a pro;ect" I can tell you %hich buildings can be adapted for the &arious classroo$s( and ho% to turn that $agnificent barn into an auditoriu$" And %ith only a little e)ca&ation there's an area that can for$ a perfect a$phitheater" Ho% far along are they:3 Christy stared in a$a e$ent" Ryan %as an e)uberant $an( but she'd ne&er seen anything like the e)cite$ent he no% sho%ed" 3I'$ not certain" I think Aunt 'artha said the board of directors %as inter&ie%ing candidates for the ad$inistrati&e staff" It see$s the center %ill be supported by a trust fund( and the ai$ is to turn it into another Aspen"3 Ryan paced the outer office" #he roo$ see$ed too s$all for his restless $o&e$ents" He sla$$ed a fist on the counter" 3I si$ply ha&e to get in on this" It's already been a part of $e for years" I'd gi&e e&erything I o%n to head up the pro;ect" It's a drea$ ;ob( Christy" !o you think it's too late:3 3I don't kno%" I don't think so" I ;ust recei&ed Aunt 'artha's letter" You're a perfect candidate( Ryan(

%hat %ith your background in dra$a and $usic and a *h"!" in ad$inistration( not to $ention your kno%ledge of the area" 5hy don't you send off a /uery to the uni&ersity:3 Ryan turned to his secretary %ho had re$ained $otionless o&er a ledger during the con&ersation" 3Hey( Harriet( I kno% you'&e been tuned in" !ash off a letter to +outhern +ierra >" before you go ho$e( %ill you: Ask the$ for particulars and $ention $y e$inent /ualifications" +ee if an inter&ie% is possible"3 #he secretary pursed her lips disappro&ingly" +he %as one of those tall( thin( nondescript,looking %o$en so$e%here bet%een thirty and forty( %ho e&en at her desk $o&ed so a%k%ardly that she see$ed put together %ith old elastic" All her dresses had string bo%s at the neckline and %ere of drab colors" +he %as ne&er $eant to be &ie%ed in direct sunlight" Her $outh turned sulky as if she'd ;ust suffered an insult" 30o% %hat %ild,goose chase is this:3 she said" 3Your place is here in +an 1elipe( not %ay up there on the coast a hundred $iles fro$ no%here73 3Cut the editorial co$$ent and type( lady" And you needn't put on that $artyr act" You kno% you lo&e %riting letters for $e"3 Harriet shook her head at Ryan %ith adoring eyes" A congenital %orshiper %ho %aited patiently for any cru$b of attention( Christy decided" 3He can't spell(3 Harriet said either to herself or to Christy" 3And he gets cra y ideas"3 But a little s$ile played on the pale thin lips" It see$ed /uite likely that Harriet *itkin didn't $ind any chore Ryan $ight ask of her" +he typed the letter /uickly and handed it to Ryan for his appro&al" He glanced through and handed it back" 3*erfect as al%ays"3 Harriet blushed and fu$bled in a dra%er for an en&elope" Ryan gathered up his e/uip$ent again( then turned to his secretary" 3*lease put the letter in the corner $ail drop before fi&e o'clock so it %ill get in tonight's pickup( and thanks( doll"3 He %alked out of the office %ith Christy and headed to%ard the school parking lot( still chattering about the e)citing prospect of a 5est Coast perfor$ing,arts center and the coincidence of his drea$s for Rockledge beco$ing an actuality" Christy again $ar&eled at his eagerness" As she started up the hill( she glanced back" Ryan stood i$$obile %here she'd left hi$( the realities of school( skin di&ing and probably Catherina, as %ell( all forgotten" !e&eloping such a center %as an i$$ense and co$plicated pro;ect re/uiring top,/uality ad$inistration" 0ot only %as there the business of re$odeling the buildings( but faculty and resident artists for $aster classes $ust be recruited( auditions and ad$issions arranged and perfor$ances scheduled and publici ed" #he facets %ere endless if the place %ere to beco$e a prestigious center" It $ade her %eary to think about the$" #he re&erse see$ed true of Ryan" He acted as if he'd ;ust taken a dose of high,po%ered &ita$ins" 5ith his creati&e dri&e( she kne% he %as $ore than e/ual to the challenge" +he hoped it %asn't too late" Rockledge and Ryan %ere $eant for each other" Ho%e&er( she suspected his plain hungry,eyed secretary didn't share such senti$ents" 5as Ryan a%are that 'iss Harriet *itkin %as in lo&e %ith hi$( she %ondered" *robably not( she considered( any $ore than 'ark %as a%are of Christy's lo&e for hi$" If only their relationship %ere such that she could let herself respond to hi$ freely . tell hi$ ;oyfully about the baby,,, #HE 0ED# A1#ER0--0 she and 6aren spent a strenuous couple of hours polishing the ballet" It looked as if it $ight beco$e a sho%stopper( and Christy still felt a glo% fro$ all the praise for her original $usic" 6aren( dressed in %orn black tights( sank do%n on the stage floor after%ard and let her head rest bet%een her knees" 3I can't belie&e the %ay this nu$ber shaped up" I %ould ne&er ha&e interpreted it this %ay if Ryan hadn't chiseled a%ay like a sculptor"3 3!ispensing challenges see$s to be Ryan's forte(3 Christy said" 6aren groaned" 3If only he didn't do it %ith a capital C"3 #hen she arched a kno%ing eyebro%" 3He $ay not al%ays add up( but %hat do you e)pect fro$ a genius %ith a capital <:3 Christy nodded" 3I e)pect %hen it co$es to the final analysis( he's as logical as the resolution in $usic of a do$inant se&enth to the tonic"3 3You're probably right( and a &eritable pillar of society to boot" -h( I don't $ean that he neglects the social scene" He ne&er lacks for fe$ale co$pany" After all( he's one of the $ost eligible bachelors in to%n" But %ould you belie&e he's considered the top ele$entary principal in the state: I'&e heard he's slated for a position on the state board of education" I suppose %hat pu les you is all that blarney he so freely passes

around"3 3-h( I e)pect that co$es %ith the territory(3 Christy said" 35hat 4 $ean is his deep interest in children as opposed to his %orldly bachelor i$age" #here are ti$es %hen I could belie&e he %rites the editorials for /layboy, and then again he see$s the perfect father for a big fa$ily"3 6aren untied her ballet slippers and rubbed her feet" +he looked thoughtful" 3*erhaps his school takes the place of a fa$ily" Any%ay( e&eryone is entitled to a fe% hang,ups( or in his case( co&er,ups"3 3Co&er,ups:3 "ou're prying, Christy, she told herself( but she couldn't help it" 3Ryan had suffered real tragedy in his life( or ha&en't you heard: A fe% years ago( ;ust after he beca$e principal here( the girl he planned to $arry %as killed in an auto$obile accident three days before the %edding" He dro&e the car( but he didn't e&en get a scratch" +o$ething like that could tear up your life fore&er if you let it"3 Christy couldn't speak" +he let one hand drag slo%ly and soundlessly across the keys %hile so$ething inside cried out in a desperate e$pathy" CHRI+#Y'+ #I<H# +CHE!>LE did not lack re%ards" It pre&ented her fro$ thinking too $uch about the curtain of coolness that had hung bet%een her and 'ark since his return fro$ -regon and( as %ell( kept her $ind off the nausea that no% plagued her all day" But it could not o&erride the continual a%areness of the baby she had at last concei&ed" Ho% had she e&er i$agined that she could detach herself like so$e $achine fro$ her o%n child: +he tried hard not to e)a$ine the fierce possessi&eness that she suddenly felt for this ne% life" 5hat a %asteland of superficial thinking could stretch bet%een a plan and the reality( she thought bitterly and %ondered ho% she could $ake ne% desires $atch old intents" I'll deal with it later, she pro$ised herself( when Catherina is over, and I have time to thin&8 then as usual she assigned her confusion to the &agaries of pregnancy" 0or had she yet re&ealed the ne%s to 'ark" As he'd %arned( he no% $ade nu$erous short trips out of to%n to super&ise the burgeoning net%ork of franchises" 5hen at ho$e( he buried hi$self upstairs in the den and often %orked until after $idnight( too preoccupied for con&ersation( fre/uently irritable" #hey rarely found a pri&ate $o$ent( and she found it easy to postpone her ne%s" 0e&ertheless( she kne% she $ade e)cuses" 3<ood $orning( 'ark" 5hat do you kno%( I'$ going to ha&e a baby73 As si$ple as that( she could state it" 5as there any reason to spare hi$: 0one( e)cept that he %as tired( o&er%orked( and she lo&ed hi$ and didn't %ant to burden hi$ %ith so$ething he hadn't %anted to deal %ith until $onths fro$ no%" -nly a %eek re$ained before the sho%( and she hurried ho$e after a rehearsal %ith 6aren to put a casserole in the o&en before the $en's /uartet arri&ed to %ork on their difficult nu$ber" #hus far( the /uartet had been unable to $aster the song to Ryan's satisfaction( and at the last rehearsal he %as ready to cut it fro$ the production" 3-h( no(3 Christy begged" 3It's one of the choicest nu$bers in the entire $usical" <i&e us a couple $ore days" I think I can bring the$ around"3 3You're o&er your head in rehearsals no%(3 Ryan said" 3#he rhyth$s are too tricky( and the te$po $ust be furious( or it %ill lose its effect" You'd ha&e to be a $agician to pull this one out of the bag"3 But she'd insisted and Ryan reluctantly agreed" #he young $en arri&ed pro$ptly( and she set the$ to %ork" #he $usic %as contrapuntal in style( sung on a neutral syllable( re$iniscent of a Bach in&ention( but greatly syncopated" Christy had al%ays been fascinated by counterpoint( and the $e$bers i$$ediately caught her e)cite$ent %hen she sho%ed the$ ho% to listen for the %ay the $ain the$e slipped in and out of each &oice and helped the$ e)a$ine the playful repetitions and i$itati&e phrases to pro&ide insight to the learning" #hey drilled %ith ne% est( and Christy heard %ith satisfaction the concurrent $elodies begin to spin fluidly against each other" Ryan dropped by to listen on his %ay ho$e fro$ school and sat %ith head cocked in rapt attention" At the conclusion he applauded e)tra&agantly" 3Bra&o73 he cried and ga&e Christy a hug" 3If that doesn't bring the house do%n( nothing %ill73 Christy felt deliriously pleased at their success" 3Any $usic teacher %orth her salt( gi&en four bright students( could ha&e done the sa$e(3 she said and e)tricated herself fro$ Ryan's e$brace" +he started the introduction again" 3Co$e on fello%s( once $ore o&er lightly( and %e'll call it /uits"3

3+la&e dri&er73 Ryan cried( but %holehearted appro&al ob&iously shone in that perfectionist's eyes" Half%ay through the song Christy glanced o&er her shoulder to see 'ark standing in the door%ay" +he %ondered ho% long he'd been there" He shifted his %eight i$patiently and finally disappeared" He probably holed up in the den again" +uch energetic &ocal

gy$nastics %eren't e)actly bal$ for a tired $an after a full day at the office" It %as after se&en,thirty %hen the $en finally left" Christy hurried to set dinner on the table and fro%ned in distress at the %ithered,looking casserole" +he called 'ark and( %hen he didn't ans%er( ran upstairs( but the den %as e$pty" *erhaps he'd gi&en up and gone out for so$ething to eat( she thought guiltily( or $aybe he %ent back to the office" +he sat do%n %ith a glass of ;uice and tried to read the e&ening paper" After a %hile( %hen he still hadn't returned( she ate a fe% bites and put the food a%ay" Elation fro$ the successful rehearsal and concern for 'ark had destroyed her ap," petite" #%o hours later he arri&ed( his face uns$iling and his $o&e$ents tense as he %alked into the roo$" Christy ;u$ped up" 3'y goodness( 'ark7 I'&e been %orried" 5hat happened:3 He set do%n his briefcase( his bro%s dra%n in e)asperation" 3!a$$it( Christy( %e had a dinner in&itation tonight" Ho% could you forget: I sa% that you had it $arked on your calendar"3 Christy stared at hi$ for a $o$ent( then clapped a hand to her head" +he re$e$bered no%" An out,of,to%n business associate %anted to take the$ to dinner at the country club" 'ark had told her last %eek" -f course" It %as a representati&e fro$ the Australian organi ation for %ho$ 'ark planned to %ork ne)t year" Lord7 +he hoped she'd not ;arred the protocol" Her knees felt %eak( and she sat do%n" 3I can't tell you ho% sorry I a$73 He %ent to the li/uor cabinet and poured a glass of brandy" 3I'$ sorry( too" #his %as one occasion I %anted to go %ell"3 3!id I spoil anything:3 35ell( it %as a bit a%k%ard( of course( since he brought his %ife" I tried to s$ooth it o&er( told the$ you %ere in&ol&ed in a big rehearsal"3 A slight thinning of his lips enunciated his anger" Christy felt a chill creep do%n the back of her neck" It %asn't like her to act so carelessly" He really $ust be furious" #he e)pression in his cool blue eyes $ade her %onder that he didn't shout at her instead of $aintaining this icy reser&e" 3I guess I got in&ol&ed in the rehearsal and co$pletely forgot" 5hy didn't you interrupt:3 3#he task see$ed a bit for$idable" Any%ay( it %as already late( and I could see you %eren't ready" Incidentally is this an all,$ale production:3 30ot at all( but %e're a &olunteer group( %hich $eans the $en and students ha&e to rehearse after %ork and school" Besides( the $usical does feature the parts of Bach's sons" 'ost of his children %ere boys( you see"3 'ark thre% up his hands" 3Ho% $any children did he ha&e( in hea&en's na$e:3 35ell( t%enty( but . 3 3#%enty7 <ood Lord( that's obscene73 3'aybe so( but fortuitous for our $usical heritage" I ad$it I'&e beco$e far $ore in&ol&ed than I intended( but it's a uni/ue sho%( and I can't help %anting it to go %ell" You of all people should understand that"3 +he $eant it as a co$pli$ent to his o%n ability and dri&e( but the sardonic t%ist of his $outh told her he sa% only her o%n unreasoning stubbornness" He'd co$$ented on that /uite recently" 5ell( it %as one trait they shared in co$$on %hether he'd ad$it it or not" 35hat can I say( 'ark: I guess I ;ust get carried a%ay %hen it co$es to $usic"3 3Apparently" And does -'Rourke play one of the fa$ous Bach brothers:3

Christy's eyes %idened" 3'r" -'Rourke is the director"3 30aturally( the necessary o$nipresence( although I fail to understand %hy" It looked to $e as if you %ere doing a rather ade/uate ;ob %ith the $usic"3 35ell( 'ark( you $ust re$e$ber I'$ ;ust the acco$panist" Ryan has the final say,so"3 He raised his eyebro%s" 3Ryan:3 3Ryan -'Rourke(3 she e)plained" #here %as positi&ely no reason for the hot flush that suffused her face" 3I see"3 He opened his briefcase( took out a paper and studied it intently" +emain patient, she charged herself as she tried to $end hurt feelings" 3I sincerely apologi e about tonight8 it %as unforgi&able" But I do %ant you to kno% Ho% $uch I appreciate your encouraging $e to take this acco$panist ;ob" It's $eant a lot to $e( especially since you'&e been so busy lately" I do hope you'll plan to co$e see us perfor$( then $aybe you %ill understand %hy %e're so dedicated"3 It sounded like'a pat little speech that she'd $e$ori ed and rehearsed for the occasion( and he ga&e no indication he heard a %ord of it" +he felt like a kitten that had been put out for $isbeha&ing" His silence suddenly infuriated her" 3#his %hole business %ill be o&er soon(3 she said %ith all the sarcas$ she could $uster" 3#hen I pro$ise to get out the dust $op and not let go again"3 His $outh t%isted into a little s$ile that ne&er reached his eyes" 31orget it" I didn't $ean to $ake such a big deal out of it" 4ust edgy( I guess"3 He didn't elaborate but %ent upstairs to the den and closed the door" Christy couldn't get to sleep that night thinking about her forgetfulness" +he s%ung a$bi&alently fro$ %allo%ing in guilt to feeling defensi&e" +uppose the Australian co$pany took her action as an insult" Could such a fau) pas influence the business deal: It %as a %orld that she didn't kno%( and no% she agoni ed endlessly that she $ight ha&e da$aged 'ark's prospects" +till( she %as only hu$an( she reasoned" E&eryone had $o$ents of forgetfulness" +he'd %orked hard to entertain his clients( the crab,/uiche luncheons she'd %hipped up at a $o$ent's notice( the tureens of bouillabaisse and the rich desserts %hose preparation left her kitchen in a sha$bles" And if she lined up all the stuffed $ushroo$s she'd $ade during the past $onths( they'd ha&e stretched do%n the hill and up again" It %asn't the $ost re%arding e)perience to knock herself out for all those people she %ould ne&er see again( especially so$e of the o&ereffusi&e %i&es( all a little too %ell turned out( unani$ously subscribing to the sa$e un%ritten la%2 !on't lift a hand in the kitchen" +urely all that %ork canceled a little of her blunder" !top acting the martyred housewife, she %arned" '(pect a failure once in a while. +he deser&ed one" But %hy couldn't it ha&e been a nice little insignificant o&ersight instead of this $onstrous boner: 1-R #HE 0ED# +E=ERAL !AY+ 'ark continued to bury hi$self in %ork" Although he re$ained re$ote( at least( there %ere no $ore harsh %ords" In fact( 'ark %as usually so e)hausted fro$ his hea&y %ork schedule %hen he ca$e ho$e at night that there %as practically no co$$unication at all bet%een the$" At the #hursday,e&ening rehearsal she paused at the den door and %atched as he bent intently o&er a pile of papers" 3You'&e had your nose to the grindstone all %eek(3 she said( apprehensi&e at interrupting hi$" 3A little rela)ation %ould be good for you" 5hy don't you co$e %ith $e tonight:3 He looked up( and Christy sa% the taut ne% lines around his $outh and eyes" 3Count $e

out( Christy" I'$ s%a$ped"3 3As busy as that:3 3Yes" It's the Australian deal" #heir representati&e spilled it to $e the other night at the country club" As you kno%( the corporation had pro$ised to send o&er a delegation of their in&estors to look o&er our franchise operation later this $onth and then sit do%n to discuss the syste$ in ter$s of their o%n en&iron$ent and econo$y( %hich &aries fro$ ours" 0o% they'&e postponed their &isit and %ant the plans(, cost esti$ates( kinds of tools and $achinery( the %orks( first7 #hat spells unbelie&able hours of ti$e for $e and a lot of correspondence and research" I'$ not sure I can co$plete it in the ti$e li$it they'&e specified( along %ith $y other %ork"3 +he looked at the pile of papers on his desk" 3But couldn't the representati&e see that( for hea&en's sakes:3 'ark laid do%n his pen %ith a sco%l" 3I ha&e a feeling it %as strictly his idea" #he representati&e is a young business $a;or( a senior at +tanford( brilliant no doubt( but totally %ithout e)perience in the rental business"3 3But %hy %ould they send so$eone like that:3 31igures %hen you learn that he's the son of the largest in&estor"3 3It's so terribly unfair73 +he desperately %ished she could offer $ore ade/uate consolation" 31air is a ter$ one rarely uses in such deals( $y dear(3 he said curtly and glanced at the stack of $usic in her ar$s" 35hen is the big production:3 3-ne $ore %eek" #he perfor$ances %ill be on 1riday and +aturday e&enings %ith a $atinee on +unday"3 3<et a ticket for $e" I'll plan to co$e to your $atinee"3 +he felt an inordinate rush of pleasure at this une)pected sho% of interest" 3-h( %onderful( 'ark" I'&e %anted so $uch for you to co$e" 5e're in&ited to the cast dinner party after%ard at Ryan's( %here you can $eet e&eryone" Belie&e $e( they'll act as a perfect tonic for all your stress"3 He nodded absently and returned to his %ork" !is$issed( she stepped out and closed the door %ithout a sound" 5eil( at least she no% understood %hy he had not been hi$self" Her heart ached for hi$" 5hen the sho% %as o&er( she %ould offer to help" #here $ust be so$ething she could do( type( co$pile research: 4ust so he %ouldn't shut her out" +he hiked do%n the hill to the school auditoriu$( her spirits soaring no% that 'ark planned to attend the sho%" "ou're on an ego trip, she chided herself" "ou want him to see all your busywor& was worthwhile, not to mention hearing that splendid fugue you composed. It %as true" *eople should support and share each other's triu$phs" 0ut don't count on it, she cautioned" In his present state he'd probably ne&er e&en see her na$e on the progra$"

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHRI+#Y 5-6E >* +>!!E0LY in the $iddle of the night( %ondering if Ryan had heard fro$ +ierra >ni&ersity yet" +he had been so %rapped up in Catherina that not once had she gi&en a thought to the letter his secretary had drafted days ago" +urely he $ust ha&e recei&ed a reply by this ti$e( but %ouldn't he ha&e $entioned it: After a rehearsal %ith 6aren the ne)t afternoon( she hurried o&er to the office( but Ryan %as at a district $eeting( 'iss *itkin infor$ed her %ith scarcely &eiled satisfaction" Christy looked at the dragon lady" 5ho

%as this intense %o$an %ho al%ays see$ed to consider Christy an intruder: Harriet *itkin's %hole life apparently centered around this office" !id she turn into a gray $oth that cra%led into a file %hen school closed each day: Christy eluded herself for the flippant thought and resol&ed to re$ain pleasant in spite of the chilly reception" 34ust %ondered if you kne% %hether Ryan had heard fro$ the Rockledge pro;ect:3 Christy asked %ith a friendly s$ile" Harriet straightened a stack of reports %ith se&eral ;erky pats of her fingers( then put the$ into a folder( allo%ing the silence to gro% a%k%ard" !ear <od( ho% she $ust inti$idate the children7 #hen the %o$an folded her hands precisely on the desk" 3'r" -'Rourke(3 she said and paused to e$phasi e the $ode of address acceptable in this office" 3'r" -'Rourke has recei&ed no ans%er yet( and e&eryone kno%s it %ill be to his benefit if none co$es" He has a brilliant future ahead of hi$ in California's public,school syste$" He's certain to beco$e the ne)t county superintendent( and the state superintendency %ill no doubt follo%" It's foolish for hi$ to cut short such a pro$ising career for so$e harebrained sche$e %ay up there in the boondocks"3 +he stopped abruptly( probably reali ing she spoke %ith undue fer&or" 3But he %ants this challenge &ery $uch(3 Christy said" 3And it isn't e)actly a harebrained sche$e( you kno%" It's a fully endo%ed institution for talented high,school and college students( sponsored by one of California's $ost prestigious uni&ersities"3 #he secretary fro%ned and see$ed to ignore Christy's argu$ent" 35ell( you ha&e to understand 'r" -'Rourke" He goes off on these tangents occasionally" E&entually he co$es to his senses" In the $eanti$e he needs an anchor until his reason catches up %ith his actions" #his county needs hi$" It %ould be traitorous for hi$ to abandon us(3 she said as if pronouncing a $anifesto" 35e'd all $iss hi$ in +an 1elipe( of course( but our feelings shouldn't count" 5e don't ha&e the right to legislate a person's drea$s( do %e:3 Christy asked kindly" 3But it's not a practical proposition" 5ho is going to traipse %ay up there to hear a perfor$ance: I say that pro;ect is doo$ed before it starts"3 3'any such centers are located in rural areas surrounded by natural beauty" #hink about it" 5hy don't you gi&e the uni&ersity a ring and see if they recei&ed the letter: I belie&e you %ould be doing 'r" -'Rourke a real fa&or"3 'iss *itkin rose in a gesture of dis$issal" 3I'$ sure you reali e I take such orders only fro$ 'r" -'Rourke"3 Christy felt irritated but deter$ined not to sho% it" 3I can understand that" 5ould you $ind putting a $essage on his desk( then:3 +he dialed Infor$ation on the counter telephone and re/uested the uni&ersity's nu$ber( %hich she ;otted on a pad( then %rote2 3Ryan( call +"+">" now and see %hat's going on" 'aybe they didn't recei&e your letter"3 +he signed her na$e( folded and handed the note to the secretary" 34ust a re$inder(3 she said" 3!on't you think you're ;u$ping the gun: A big uni&ersity like +"+">" needs ti$e to process $ail"3 *nd I thin& you protest too much, dear 3iss /it&in, Christy thought" +he %alked slo%ly ho$e" *erhaps she %as unduly concerned" Inter&ie%s for an ad$inistrati&e staff %eren't acco$plished o&ernight" CHRI+#Y 5A+ so EA<ER to find out the results of Ryan's call she %alked do%n to school the ne)t $orning e&en though she had no rehearsals scheduled" -n the school grounds she had to detour around a set of barricades that surrounded an open ditch and a large trencher $achine" Ryan chatted %ith t%o $en nearby" #he logo on the $achine sho%ed it %as fro$ 'ark's rental center" 'ore and $ore she sa% 'ark's bright yello% e/uip$ent as she dro&e around +an 1elipe" He apparently %as beco$ing successful in his ca$paign to educate the co$$unity to rent instead of to buy certain tools and $achinery" Ryan looked on as the t%o $en took pictures and stretched a tape to take $easure$ents" +he had ne&er seen Ryan look so gri$" After a fe% $inutes the $en left( and Ryan caught up %ith her as she %alked to%ard his office" 3*roble$s:3 she asked" 3I'$ afraid so" #hose $en are fro$ the school's insurance fir$" -ne of our kids fell off the trencher into the ditch this $orning and broke a leg" His parents are raising holy hob" I'$ sure they are going to sue"3 3-&er a broken leg:3 3'illions ha&e been collected for less" All the children %ere %arned repeatedly to stay behind the barricades %hile this %ork %as going on( but the Boggs boy sneaked in( any%ay" He denied it at first( said so$eone pushed hi$( but I sa% hi$ cli$b up on the $achine" I ran out but didn't get there fast enough to pre&ent the accident" He's t%el&e( old enough to kno% better"3

3But if it's his fault( %hy %ould his parents sue:3 3>nfortunately today a lot of people take the attitude that so$eone $ust pay regardless of %ho is at fault" #hey accuse us of pro&iding an 'attracti&e nuisance' on the school ground"3 3<ood hea&ens( al$ost anything could be labeled an attracti&e nuisance as far as children are concerned"3 3E)actly(3 he said angrily" 3And I'$ fed up %ith people %ho under$ine their children's characters by not allo%ing the$ to face up to the conse/uences of their o%n actions" In addition( such suits raise all our insurance pre$iu$s"3 Ryan %as e/ually dyna$ic on stage or off( she thought as she listened to his heated recital" 3'aybe it %on't co$e to anything(3 she said hopefully" 3I $ustn't detain you( or I'll get $ore de$erits fro$ 'iss *itkin" 5hat did +"+">" ha&e to say: #ell $e( then I'll run"3 He looked pu led" 3+"+">":3 3!idn't you get $y note:3 35hat note:3 3I handed it to your secretary to put on your desk yesterday"3 Christy e)plained her concerns" 3I don't understand" Harriet is efficiency personified and co$pletely loyal"3 Christy hesitated( then decided to &oice her doubts" 3*erhaps too loyal( Ryan" +he feels you're not using good ;udg$ent lea&ing a pro$ising career" 'oreo&er( and pardon $e for indulging in a little fe$inine intuition( but I think your secretary is so fond of you she %ouldn't be a&erse to putting up a fe% roadblocks"3 3-h( co$e on( Christy" 0ot -ld 1aithful" +he's ;ust a frustrated $other( no kids to pa$per( so she pa$pers $e to our $utual satisfaction"3 Not your mother, +yan. 3ore li&e an infatuated secretary, Christy thought" 30e&ertheless( the fact re$ains that you didn't recei&e $y note( and you still ha&en't heard fro$ the uni&ersity"3 Ryan fro%ned" 3'aybe a fe% /uestions are in order"3 #hey %alked into the office" Harriet's s$ile &anished %hen she sa% Christy" 3I'$ taking an early lunch break(3 she said to Ryan" 3'ay I do anything for you before I go:3 30o thanks( Harriet" By the %ay( do you recall the date you $ailed the letter about the Rockledge pro;ect:3 +he ran her finger across the dates on the %all calendar" 3I typed that letter t%o %eeks ago yesterday(3 she said e&enly" 3And incidentally I didn't recei&e 'rs" Brandon's $essage" Any theories on %hat could ha&e happened to it:3 Harriet flushed( a fre/uent habit( it see$ed" 3Are you accusing'$e of neglecting $y duties:3 30one of that no%" You kno% da$n %ell I ha&e the $ost efficient secretary in the entire school district"3 35ell( I can't,keep track of e&erything that goes on around here( people in and out all day long" #he custodian could ha&e picked it up in his &acuu$ cleaner for all I kno%"3 Her &oice tre$bled( and she looked as if she %ere about to cry" 3<o on to lunch( Harriet" I didn't $ean to gi&e you a bad ti$e"3 He ga&e her shoulder a brotherly s/uee e" +he blushed again( grabbed her purse and al$ost ran fro$ the office" 3Call no%(3 Christy said to Ryan" 3Hey( one bossy %o$an around here is enough"3 He strode into his inner office" 35ait for $e(3 he said before he closed the door" Christy i$patiently fingered a song fro$ Cath-erina on the counter as she %aited for Ryan to co$plete the call" !read rose as the ti$e passed" #he %all clock indicated he had been on the telephone for t%enty $inutes" 1inally he ca$e out of his office( holding up t%o fingers in a %inner's circle" 3#hey recei&ed your letter73 Christy cried ;ubilantly" 30ot a trace"3 Her spirits plu$$eted" 3Are they gi&ing any inter&ie%s:3 35ould you belie&e they %ere held in +an 1rancisco last %eek: #he tea$ is in 0e% York no%(3 he said cheerfully" 3-h( no(3 Christy %ailed" He held up a hand" 3But they relented after I sno%ed 'e$ %ith $y superlati&e /ualifications" I ha&e an appoint$ent for an inter&ie%"3 3I should ha&e kno%n"3 3#hey're $aking a special concession" I fly do%n the last 1riday of the $onth" 0o e)ceptions( no

changes" Be there or lose out" #hat's final"3 Christy felt %eak %ith relief" 35onderful73 In spite of Ryan's debonair $anner( a fil$ of $oisture glistened on his forehead( a clue to ho% $uch he cared about this ;ob" He opened a file cabinet and pulled out a folder" 3#hey %ant $y resu$e i$$ediately" I'll ask Harriet to get it out right a%ay" I ha&e a $eeting this afternoon and a rehearsal this e&ening( or I'd do it $yself"3 3Let $e" I'll type it and take it to the post office"3 He grinned" 3+till suspicious:3 "ou bet, and with reason, she thought" 3Let's ;ust say I'$ superstitious" #hree strikes and you're out" !on't te$pt fate( Ryan"3 He ga&e her a tolerant grin and handed her the folder" 3You'll find e&erything you need here" In fact( there's already a pretty good resu$e in a progra$ printed the year I directed the su$$er repertory theater at Cal +tate" 4ust bring it up,to,date" !on't hold back anything" Re$e$ber that $odesty isn't one of $y &irtues"3 3Count on $e(3 Christy said" 35hat I %ouldn't gi&e to be part of the action(3 he said softly to no one in particular as Christy turned to lea&e" +he breathed a prayer that he'd not be disappointed" A1#ER !I00ER #HA# E=E0I0<( Christy got out her type%riter and set it up in the li&ing roo$" +he %as not an e)pert typist( but %ith persistence she could turn out faultless copy" +he finished the resu$e around nine and dro&e to the post office to $ail it 5hen she returned( she found 'ark still at his desk in the den( but no% he rested his head in his hands" 3#ired:3 she asked" 3A nasty headache"3 +uddenly feeling guilty( Christy hurried to the $edicine cabinet" Her e&ening had been spent typing the resu$e %hen 'ark probably needed her help far $ore than Ryan" +he handed hi$ a glass of %ater and the aspirin" 35ork piled up again:3 3Yes" I'&e run into an unbelie&able a$ount of research in order to pro&ide the kind of sur&ey the Australian corporation %ants( and no% I'll run short on ti$e because of a legal suit that has ;ust co$e up against $y co$pany" In fact( I spent the entire afternoon %ith $y attorney and the insurance representati&es" And if that isn't enough( the Rotary Club president called today and re$inded $e that $onths ago I pro$ised to arrange a sight,seeing tour for a group of &isiting 4apanese Rotarians" I co$pletely forgot about it" It's co$ing up to%ard the end of the $onth( %hich $eans I $ust get on it right a%ay"3 Christy %as touched by the %eary slope of his shoulders( and she %anted to $assage his neck and back to ease the tension as she once had long ago( but so$e subtle essence forbade the fa$iliarity" +he glanced at the stacks of papers filled %ith hand,dra%n graphs and colu$ns of figures" 3I'd like to help you( 'ark" I'$ a fair typist( and as for the tour( I %ould en;oy arranging that if you %ill trust $e %ith it"3 He thu$bed through the papers a little dubiously( she thought" 3It's true $y secretary is o&erburdened right no%(3 he said finally" 3But then( so are you( %hat %ith all your rehearsals"3 3I'll $ake ti$e(3 she said earnestly" 3I %ant to do so$ething to help you( 'ark( so$ething tangible"3 He ga&e her an odd look" 3'aybe I should ask you to e)plain that re$ark"3 30othing 1reudian" It ;ust see$s as if %e're destined to turn into strangers( you and I" I %ish %e could be friends and help each other %hen the going gets rough" 5ill you let $e:3 He cocked an eye at her /ui ically as he see$ed to consider her offer" 3You $ay be sorry(3 he said and handed her the sheaf of hand%ritten pages" 30ot easy typing( graphs( charts and such" I need this right a%ay" As for the tour( I kno% you'd do a great ;ob if you %ouldn't $ind taking it o&er" Arrange anything you %ant( $aybe a %ine tour( or you could bus the$ o&er to the +acra$ento !elta for a cruise on a ri&er,boat" #hat $ight be easiest"3 3Ri&erboat in +acra$ento:3 3-f course" Are you a%are that the delta region here &ies %ith Holland %hen it co$es to %ater%ays( hundreds of $iles of ri&ers and %ide sloughs all banked by le&ees: I can re$e$ber I got /uite a start the first ti$e I tra&eled across the flat far$lands o&er there and sa% the tip of a sail cutting across a cornfield all but hidden by the le&ee" But do your o%n thing" I trust your ;udg$ent" Coordinate your plans %ith the president" I'll gi&e you his nu$ber"3 Christy kne% she %ould ha&e to get the typing done to$orro%" #oo $any rehearsals tilled the rest of the

%eek" Catherina %ould be o&er ne)t +unday" After that there %ould be plenty of ti$e to $ap out the sight, seeing tour" 35hat about the legal suit: !oes that ha&e anything to do %ith the accident at Ryan's school:3 He sco%led" 3#hat's the one" It probably %on't co$e up on the calendar for at least a $onth or so( but there's a lot of %ork to do" 5e ha&e to get the go&ern$ent safety inspector here( for instance( to $ake a report that %e follo%ed all the safety precautions on the ;ob"3 3But %hy are they suing you: I thought the suit %as against the school"3 3#hey probably decided they could get $ore out of us" #hey'll %ipe out the +an 1elipe center financially if they %in"3 Christy felt ill" +he had no idea $atters %ere that serious" 3But aren't %e insured:3 3-f course( but not for the astrono$ical a$ount the Boggs fa$ily is asking"3 35hy so $uch: I thought the boy ;ust broke his leg:3 3*ain( suffering( trau$a( attracti&e nuisance( the usual" #he safety inspector and the operator can state that %e obeyed all the safety la%s( but -'Rourke is our only %itness to the accident itself" 4ust pray that he'll be an effecti&e one( or %e $ay as %ell thro% in the to%el"3 3You can depend on Ryan" At least you can put your $ind to rest on that score"3 3I %ish that I had as $uch faith in hi$ as you do(3 'ark said dryly" +he %ouldn't go into that" 5hy did e&erything about Ryan spell irritation as far as 'ark %as concerned: -dd( %hen 'ark had been the one to initiate the ac/uaintance" #o begin %ith she thought the $en %ould like each other( that they $ight beco$e friends" It %asn't too late( of course" 'aybe the proble$ %ould sol&e itself as the $en %orked together in the preparations for the trial"

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHRI+#Y #--6 A +I* of coffee( set do%n her cup and stretched her ar$s high abo&e her head" +he'd typed since eight o'clock this $orning( and it %as no% the $iddle of the afternoon" 'ark's esti$ates lay co$plete in a neat stack free fro$ errors at last" +he didn't %ant to think about ho% $any ti$es she had had to do the$ o&er" E)cept for Ryan's r@su$e( it had been a year since she had touched a type%riter( and her skill had gro%n rusty" But all the %ork %as %orth%hile if it ser&ed to lighten 'ark's load" +he drank a little $ore of the no% cold coffee and pictured 'ark's pleased e)pression %hen she handed hi$ the finished copy" #he peal of the doorbell abruptly interrupted her thoughts( and in so$e freak $o&e$ent she could ne&er e)plain( she tipped o&er her coffee cup as she rose( flooding the pages( soaking e&eryone" 3-h( no(3 she cried at the sight of the dripping stained sheets and ran to the kitchen for a to%el" As the doorbell rang again( she frantically $opped up the spill" +ick %ith the reali ation she'd ;ust ruined an entire day's %ork( she hurried to open the door" Her sister and another young %o$an stood on the porch( each holding a suitcase" Christy dre% the$ inside" 3Beth7 5hat a surprise7 Ho% %onderful73 #he sisters hugged each other" Beth clung for a long ti$e( then Christy held her a%ay and reali ed she looked pale and strained" 3Ale)i 'iller(3 Beth said( introducing her co$panion" 3I dro&e her up" +he is on her %ay to &isit her grand$other in +acra$ento" I'll run her o&er to the bus station after a %hile"3 3Ale)i( spelled %ith an I '(3 the girl said( s$iling brilliantly" 3I'$ going to enroll in a $odeling school"3 It took only a glance to see that Ale)i %as a stunning girl of perhaps si)teen or se&enteen" But Christy's concern %as for Beth" +o$ething %as not right here" Ale)i %ent upstairs to change into so$ething $ore co$fortable( and Christy poured fresh coffee" 3Beth( I ;ust can't belie&e you are here" I'$ so happy you cafiie"3 Beth toyed %ith her cup" 3I kno% I should ha&e called first( but I only decided this $orning on the spur of the $o$ent" 5hen I heard Ale)i %anted to co$e up to see her grand$other( I offered to dri&e her( and %ell( %e ;ust took off"3 3A %onderful surprise(3 Christy said %ar$ly" 3And ho% is Richard:3 Beth bit her >p and see$ed to ponder her ans%er" 3I'$ not sure(3 she said finally" Christy stared at her sister's brooding e)pression" 35hy( %hat do you $ean:3 35ell( let's put it this %ay" He %as gone last %eekend on a field trip( the %eek before to a se$inar in Colorado( and this %eek he %as ho$e a total of one e&ening" !o you think he is trying to tell $e

so$ething:3 Ice see$ed to shoot through Christy's &eins" +urely nothing had gone %rong %ith their $arriage" Here she sat %ith the child gro%ing inside her that %as to be her offering to the$" Her head felt so light that she %ondered if she %ere about to faint" 3Beth( %hat's happened to you t%o:3 Beth %iped her eyes and ner&ously t%isted her handkerchief" 3-h( nothing's happened bet%een us" #hat's the %hole proble$" He's ;ust scheduled hi$self out of $y life( that's all"3 Christy pictured the kindly Richard and recalled his de&otion to Beth( his patience and consideration after her trau$ati ing operation and !a&y's death" +he couldn't i$agine that he'd change no%" 3You still lo&e hi$( don't you:3 35ho said anything about that: -f course( I lo&e hi$"3 35ell( then( %hy don't you talk things o&er( let hi$ kno% ho% you feel:3 3Ho% can I: I ne&er see hi$(3 Beth said tre$ulously" 3-h( co$e no%" +urely that's an e)aggeration"3 Beth started to cry again" 30o% you're talking like Aunt 'artha" I thought I could count on you( Christy"3 Count on me, Christy thought" I've only turned my life upside down. I've entered into an impossible situation to give you the child you can never have. *nd you say you can't count on me, But of course( Beth didn't kno% that" 3I think you are o&erreacting to a situation that is likely to happen in any $an's life"3 3You don't understand at all(3 Beth said" 3I understand that Richard is under a lot of pressure right no%( getting ready to take o&er the head of his depart$ent" He needs your support" 0ot $ore proble$s"3 3Ho% %ould you feel if your husband ignored you:3 Beth cried" Christy looked a%ay and noticed that Ale)i sat on the stair%ay( totally engrossed in the con&ersation" Ho% long had she been there: 35o%( this is really getting interesting" 4ust like in 'All 'y Children"' 5hat a blast7 Hey( don't let $e interrupt(3 she said as the t%o %o$en stared at her" 3#his is a pri&ate con&ersation(3 Beth said stiffly" 3'aybe you ought to go upstairs and read a book or so$ething"3 3In a $inute" I sa% the note you left for Richard on the table( and the %ay you acted( I thought you $ight be lea&ing hi$" 5hat a bu$$er7 But golly( it's neat this %ay"3 3Ale)i73 Beth said sternly" 3All right" I'$ going" Is it okay if I call $y grand$other:3 3Yes( use the upstairs phone(3 Christy said" 3+he is so preoccupied %ith clothing that a$a ing figure of hers( I didn't think she suspected anything(3 Beth said" 3You should ha&e seen her a year ago" #alk about an ugly duckling73 3#he note( Beth73 Christy said sharply" 35hat did you say:3 3#hat I %as taking off for a fe% days" I'd get in touch later"3 3Beth( ho% could you do such a thing: !on't you reali e you're ta$pering %ith your $arriage:3 3I'$ not leaving hi$( Christy" I ;ust %ant to gi&e hi$ a taste of %hat I'&e been going through"3 3#hat's i$$ature and childish( and I'$ co$pletely surprised at you"3 Beth's $outh turned do%n in a pout" 3#here you go siding %ith Richard" I shouldn't ha&e co$e"3 3<o take a rest in the den upstairs" 5e'll talk later"3 Beth left %ith the air of a chastened child %ho'd been told to go stand in a corner" Christy's head ached" +he ought to start dinner( but there %as all that typing to do" Beth's arri&al thre% her" 5hat %ould 'ark say if he thought Beth's $arriage had floundered: 3Aren't you glad no% that I insisted %e postpone your pregnancy: 5eren't %e %ise not to rush into things:3 -h( %hy hadn't she bra&ed an earlier confession: #he longer she %aited to tell hi$( the $ore co$plicated it beca$e" +he %ent to the type%riter set up in a corner of the li&ing roo$ and rolled in a fresh sheet of bond" But she only stared at the blank paper( her $ind still on Beth" Ale)i ca$e do%n %ith an albu$ under her ar$( undulating as if she %ere a $odel on a run%ay" Her dark hair hung straight to her shoulders and shone fro$ fre/uent sha$poos and brushing" +he'd changed to for$,hugging shorts and a brief halter top that re&ealed the kind of figure e&ery teenager drea$ed about( both $ale and fe$ale" +he found the stereo( put on the record and curled up on the sofa like a fre/uent &isitor" 3!o you $ind:3 she asked rather tardily( a beguiling di$ple appearing( then &anishing( in her cheek"

3<o ahead(3 Christy said and %as si$ultaneously deluged by a decibel outpouring of electric guitars( dru$s and a singer %ho by turns shrieked or $u$bled inco$prehensible lyrics" Christy gritted her teeth and typed the sa$e page o&er three ti$es( $aking one $istake after another" +he thre% the$ into the %astebasket and rubbed her aching head" #he %ork %ould ha&e to be finished tonight after rehearsal %hen e&eryone %as in bed( and she could concentrate" Any%ay( it %as ti$e to fi) dinner" +he %ould $ake tostadas( /uick and easy( and $aybe they'd put 'ark in a good $ood" He %as fond of 'e)ican food"

Ale)i got up and began to %ork on a co$plicated disco routine( her eyes closed as if transported" 5hen 'ark arri&ed( the girl turned off the $usic and bea$ed at hi$ e)pectantly" Christy hastened to e)plain" 3Beth has co$e up to spend a fe% days %ith us( dro&e up %ith her friend Ale)i 'iller"3 'ark broke into a %ide grin" 30ot little Ale)andra 'iller: 5ell( %ell( ho% you'&e changed7 Ho% long has it been:3 Ale)i s$iled at hi$( turning on a full battery of char$" 3Centuries" #hree years( at least" I think I %as fourteen %hen I baby,sat for you and !arcy" I guess I'&e gro%n up a little since then"3 'ark %as clearly i$pressed" 3I guess you ha&e" I can hardly belie&e it" Ale)andra 'iller" 0ot that skinny little de&il %ith braces73 +he put her hands on her hips( took a deep breath and thrust out her boso$ so that it strained precariously against the plunging neckline of her halter( re$o&ing any doubt at all that she no longer re$ained a 3skinny little de&il"3 3I $ade this outfit $yself" !o you like it:3 +he pi&oted slo%ly( s$iling at 'ark" <ood hea&ens( the girl %as flirting %ith hi$" 3 4ery nice(3 'ark said( accenting the ad&erb" #hat there is of it, Christy silently added" 3Ale)i is on her %ay to &isit her grand$other in +acra$ento(3 she said( $ostly for Ale)i's benefit since the girl see$ed to ha&e forgotten" +o$eho% Christy %ould $ake ti$e to take her to the bus station after dinner" -r $aybe she'd ;ust put cyanide in her taco sauce" Ale)i shrugged her pretty bare shoulders" 3Actually I'$ in no great hurry" I adore being %ith all you interesting people" I told $y grand$other not to e)pect $e until she sa% $e" If you don't $ind( I'll bunk here tonight" I'll $ake no trouble( put $y sleeping bag do%n any%here you say"3 35hy( of course( Ale)andra" It's great to see you again(3 'ark said cordially" 3Ale)i( spelled %ith an I(3 she re$inded" Beth ca$e do%n then( and 'ark greeted her %ar$ly" +he lit a cigarette and began to s$oke in /uick breathless little puffs" +he probably hadn't been at it $ore than a day or t%o( Christy guessed" 3And ho% is Richard:3 'ark asked" Beth's e)pression turned re$ote" 3-kay( I guess"3 Christy %inced" 'ark poured so$e sherry"35ould you care for a glass( Beth:3 3Richard and I used to ha&e a sherry e&ery night before dinner(3 Beth said( her &oice /ua&ering" An unco$fortable silence follo%ed" 3Ho% about setting the table for $e( Beth: I'll ha&e dinner on in a fe% $inutes"3 Anything to shut Beth up( Christy thought" +he didn't %ant to deal %ith 'ark no% if he suspected trouble bet%een Beth and her husband" !inner %ent s$oothly enough if one didn't $ind listening to Ale)i prattle on about $odeling school( including all the statistics of her astonishing $easure$ents" #hankfully the chatter pro&ided a s$oke screen for the tur$oil that seethed close to the surface" But

the spicy food tasted as bland as stra% as far as Christy %as concerned" 4uggling the con&ersation a%ay fro$ Beth's proble$s pro&ed %orriso$e enough( but there %as tonight's rehearsal %ith 'argo and the children's choir( then all that typing after%ard" And so$eho% she $ust find ti$e to talk %ith Beth( encourage her to call Richard" In fact( Christy %anted to talk %ith hi$ herself" Beth had ne&er acted so irrationally" 'aybe she needed hor$ones or so$ething" Ale)i aug$ented dessert %ith a series of eight,by,ten photographs of herself" 3I'd like your opinion( 'ark" I'$ supposed to sub$it one to the $odeling school"3 'ark obliged( studying each portrait gra&ely %ith the attention it deser&ed" #he girl posed in such an abbre&iated bikini $ost of the pictures %ould ha&e /ualified as centerfolds" Beth asked to be e)cused( and Christy $ade up a bed for her on the den sofa" 'ark follo%ed and %aited for her at the top of the stairs( then beckoned her into their bedroo$ and closed the door" He lo%ered his &oice" 35hat's up %ith Beth: I'&e ne&er seen her like this"3 35orn out fro$ the long dri&e( I think" You kno% ho% frail she is(3 Christy said ner&ously" 3#hat den couch isn't the best bed in the %orld" 'aybe I ought to get the t%o of the$ a $otel roo$(3 'ark said" 3-h( Beth %on't $ind for a fe% days( and Ale)i is lea&ing in the $orning"3 'ark shook his head" 35ell( Beth is not herself" +he and Richard aren't ha&ing trouble( are they:3 30ot anything serious( I'$ positi&e" But I a$ concerned that Beth didn't tell Richard %here she %as going" He is &ery busy no%( and I think Beth used this little ;aunt as a bid for attention" 0ot &ery ad$irable"3 'ark fro%ned" 35ell( let's not get in&ol&ed in any fa$ily s/uabbles"3 3I'&e barely had ti$e to talk to her $uch less get in&ol&ed" Any%ay( I couldn't tell her to turn around and go ho$e the $inute she arri&ed( could I:3 3I i$agine Richard %on't be too happy %ith you"3 3<ood hea&ens( %hy %ould he bla$e $e:3 35ell( keep out of it" Let things %ork out by the$sel&es( and if they split up( thank goodness you're off the hook"3 3'eaning $y %orries are o&er about gi&ing the$ a child:3 3E)actly"3 He picked up his briefcase and started do%nstairs" 3'ark( I need to talk to you"3 3Later"3 3*lease" 0o%" I ha&e so$ething to tell you"3 3Co$e on( Christy( %hat $ore is there to say: I $ust put $y report together" 5here is the %ork you did for $e today:3 Christy shook her head and held out her ar$s in a helpless gesture" 3!id you forget to do it:3 he asked unbelie&ingly" 3I co$pleted it( then accidentally ruined e&ery page %hen I spilled so$e coffee" I'll do it o&er tonight right after rehearsal"3 #hey %ent do%nstairs( and he looked o&er the stained cru$pled pages" 3!a$n" I planned on asse$bling the reports tonight" I pro$ised to send the$ air $ail first thing in the $orning" You're not going to feel like typing after you co$e ho$e fro$ another of those lengthy rehearsals"3

3I'll get it done( 'ark" !on't %orry"3 Yes she %ould if she had to stay up all night" Ale)i still perused the eight,by,tens as if seeing the$ for the first ti$e( but she suddenly got up and strolled o&er to pick up one of Christy's ruined pages" +he studied it for a $inute or t%o" 30o proble$( 'ark" I'll do the %ork for you" Actually I'$ a super typist" I %on the school trophy for speed typing last year"3 +he pointed to Christy's %ork" 3#he tabs aren't set right( but I can fi) that in a ;iff"3 'ark enthusiastically e)plained the layouts to Ale)i( and Christy left for the rehearsal( not sure %hether she felt relie&ed or hu$iliated" 'argo's solo %ent %ell( and the children sang their three,part a cappella nu$ber e)pressi&ely and on pitch" At least( so$ething turned out %ell on this a%ful day" -rdinarily nothing interfered %ith her absorption in the $usic( but tonight %as different" Her heart ached for Richard" +he %ondered if at least she ought to call and let hi$ kno% %here Beth %as" But don't interfere( 'ark %arned" #he rehearsal %ent so s$oothly she dis$issed the group early and hurried ho$e" #he type%riter still clattered as she entered" +urely no one in the %hole %orld could type accurately at that speed" Ale)i stopped and %hipped the paper out of the type%riter %ith a little flourish" 3All done(3 she said( looking up at 'ark %ith her seducti&e s$ile" 'ark put a hand on her shoulder" 3#his girl is a $ar&el" 0ot only finished your %ork( Christy( but did additional pages I hoped you'd do for $e to$orro%"3 Christy stared at the pile" It took her si) hours to acco$plish %hat this youngster tossed off in a fraction of the ti$e"3A$a ing and lucky for you(3 she said" Ale)i preened like a %ell,fed cat" 3It's nothing" I'll ;ust grab a ;acket( 'ark( then %e can go"3 +he ran upstairs" 3You're not taking her to the bus station at this late hour:3 Christy asked" 3-h( no" #he kid has a yen for a chocolate $alt . the least I can do after all the %ork she turned out for $e tonight"3 He slipped the pages into a large bro%n en&elope( bea$ing %ith satisfaction" +o$e kid( Christy thought and decided the girl probably collected $en like char$s for a bracelet" Ale)i reappeared %earing a shiny purple ;acket" +he took 'ark's hand %ith a proprietary air and fluttered the fingers of her other hand prettily at Christy as they left" If she doesn't leave in the morning, I 9ust may strangle her, Christy thought" #he telephone rang and she ans%ered" 3Christy: Is Beth there:3 #he strain %as apparent in Richard's &oice" 3Yes( she arri&ed this afternoon"3 3It's true( then" +o$eone na$ed Ale)i left %ord at the office" I thought it %as a prank until I got ho$e and read the note" Let $e talk to her"3 3+he's asleep" 5hy don't I gi&e her your $essage in the $orning:3 3!id you kno% she %as co$ing:3 30o"3 3You're le&eling %ith $e:3 3-f course"3 3I kno% it's natural for sisters to stick together"3 3If you're telling $e to $ind $y o%n business( I'$ doing $y darndest( but people don't

act this %ay %ithout a reason( Richard"3 3Reason7 5hat possible reason could she ha&e for pulling a trick like this: 'arriages ha&e rough spots" I'll bet you'&e had a fe% already" I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of this( and please don't put any foolish ideas in her head"3 3Honestly( Richard( I'$ in your corner" 0o% %hy don't you co$e up and get her: Let's face it( Beth isn't herself( or she %ouldn't beha&e this %ay" But she needs you( and for certain you both need to talk to each other"3 3#hat's the de&il of it" I %ant to co$e( but I'&e scheduled e)a$s and appoint$ents all day to$orro%" I'll call her in the $orning"3 #hey said constrained goodbyes as Beth ca$e into the roo$" 3#raitor7 3she cried" Christy stared in astonish$ent" 3Ho% can you say that: Richard called8 not I" He %anted to talk to you"3 3Let hi$ %ait a%hile" +o$eti$es I %ait for days before I ha&e a chance to talk to hi$" !on't cro%d $e( Christy" I kno% %hat I'$ doing"3 Christy looked at her sister unbelie&ingly" 35hat's got into you( Beth:3 35hat's got into "you: You don't act like fa$ily at all" I ca$e up for a little sy$pathy and support( and look %hat happened"3 3I think you had better go back to bed(3 Christy said and %earily trudged upstairs to her o%n roo$" Her head still ached( so she s%allo%ed a couple of aspirins" It %as $idnight %hen she heard 'ark and Ale)i return" =i&a the chocolate $alts7 #here %as no %ay she could talk to hi$ no% so she pretended to be asleep %hen he ca$e into the bedroo$" As CHRI+#Y *RE*ARE! BREA61A+# the ne)t $orning( she sa% 'ark and Ale)i ;og up the dri&e%ay" 'ark ordinarily ;ogged alone( but by the looks of hi$( he certainly en;oyed co$pany" A little later he appeared at the table( sho%ered and dressed for the office" 3Re$arkable girl(3 he said" 3+ee$s to kno% %ho she is and %here she's going"3 3#hat she does(3 Christy said" 3And I think she did the right thing to alert Richard"3 3-h( she told you: I thought you didn't %ant us to interfere"3 3Letting Richard kno% her %hereabouts %as ;ust plain co$$on sense"3 He opened the paper to the financial page" 3Ah( yes" 5e can use so$e of that around here( can't %e:3 she $uttered" 35hat did you say:3 30othing" I think there's a hole in your argu$ent( but I ha&en't co$e to it yet"3 Ale)i %alked in then( co$ple)ion glo%ing( %earing another of her $ar&elously engineered creations" +he sat do%n and looked e)pectantly at the e$pty bo%l at her place" #elcome to the .ilton, Christy silently greeted her" 3I %as ;ust going up to check on Beth(3 she said" 3Hot cereal on the sto&e( ;uice in the pitcher" Help yourself"3 #he doorbell rang then and 'ark ans%erd" 3Richard7 <ood to see you(3 'ark said heartily as if his brother,in,la% %ere e)pected at so$e nor$al fa$ily gathering" Richard's face looked haggard and $ore o%lish than e&er behind his hea&y horn,ri$$ed

glasses" 3I caught a late plane to +an 1rancisco last night" +tayed in a $otel( rented a car and dro&e up this $orning"3 Christy %ent to hi$ and kissed his cheek" 3I'$ so glad you ca$e" Beth isn't up yet" +it do%n and ha&e so$e coffee %ith us"3 He stared at Ale)i" 3Ale)andra7 I didn't reali e it %as you %ho called"3 3I kne% you'd %ant $e to(3 she said $odestly" 35here is Beth:3 Richard asked" Christy $otioned upstairs( and he headed up t%o at a ti$e" 35hen did you call hi$:3 Christy asked Ale)i" 3Right after I talked to $y grand$other" It's okay( isn't it( I $ean the %ay it turned out so great and all:3 +he ob&iously sa&ored her role in the perfect denoue$ent" 'ark %ent back to his paper( and they %ere silent against the background of lo%,pitched &oices and the $uffled sounds of Beth %eeping" 3!on't you think it's getting a little hea&y around here:3 Ale)i said and %alked o&er to play a fe% chords on the piano" 30a$e a tune( 'ark( and I'll li&en things up a bit"3 0aturally( Christy thought %ithout surprise as Ale)i posed her hands abo&e the keyboard" #he girl probably could play a *rokofie& sonata %ith one hand tied behind her" 'ark set his paper do%n" 3Ho% about a little ragti$e:3 3Ragti$e73 Christy scoffed in an aside to hi$" 3<irls like Ale)i don't go for ragti$e" 0o% it's disco or rock"3 But Ale)i bea$ed at 'ark" 3I al%ays kne% you and I operated on E"+"*" 5hy( I'$ practically an authority on +cott 4oplin(3 she said and launched into 3#he Entertainer(3 beating out the rollicking tune %ith a solid rhyth$" Her a%k%ard fingering and strange hand position $arked her as a self,taught a$ateur( but the girl %as a born sho%$an( and the end result %as /uite spectacular" 'ark applauded enthusiastically( and Richard and Beth ;oined in as they so$e%hat sheepishly ca$e do%nstairs together" Ale)i obliged %ith another nu$ber( and Richard and Beth stood( ar$s ent%ined( occasionally ga ing at each other %ith unrestrained tenderness" Christy looked at the lot of the$ and felt a desperate loneliness" +he %ent out to the kitchen to fi) so$e breakfast for Richard and Beth( put on ah apron and pro$ptly dropped a glass and broke it" #ell, se(y *le(i, she $used as she s%ept up the pieces" *t least, you'll not give me any competition out here. The role of lovable old servant holds no charm for the li&es of you. 0ut don't bet on it, she re$inded herself as she again set the table" #hrough a series of $achinations Christy %as ne&er certain ho% she acco$plished( she con&inced Beth and Richard to dri&e Ale)i to her grand$other's and catch their southbound plane fro$ +acra$ento" +o$e%hat reluctantly Ale)i changed her clothes( and a$id a lot of hugging and hand shaking( they all left at last" Christy handed 'ark another cup of coffee and slu$ped into the chair across fro$ hi$" +he felt so e)hausted she didn't %ant to $o&e for a %eek" 'ark s$iled contentedly" 35ell( it all turned out okay after all( thanks in large part to young Ale)andra" ?uite a girl"3 Christy raised an eyebro%" 3Yes( you said that before"3 3Hey( $aybe %e shouldn't ha&e rushed her off( in&ited her to stay a%hile" 6ind of

refreshing to ha&e all that youthful &itality around" Li&ens things up"3 3Yes( doesn't it(3 Christy agreed" 3In fact( I'$ e)hausted"3 3Ho% co$e:3 he asked innocently" 3I thought she see$ed /uite helpful"3 3*erhaps that %as the proble$( a surfeit of riches( rather hard on the ego"3 Also the back( the head( the ears( not to $ention endurance( she silently added" 'ark looked at her shyly and sighed as if at so$e di&ine recollection" 3Ah( Ale)i(3 he said" Christy $ade a face and started to co$$ent( but he held up a hand to pre&ent her" 3Ale)i( spelled %ith an I( the $ost i$portant letter in her alphabet(3 he said and leaned o&er to s/uee e her hand" 3Co$e on( don't look so glu$" !on't you think I kno% %ho really $o&es $ountains around here:3

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
#HE !RE++ REHEAR+AL %as burdened %ith only a $ini$u$ a$ount of $issed cues( and Ryan's high spirits see$ed to predict a %eekend of sparkling perfor$ances" Ho%e&er( e&eryone %as too e)hausted after%ard to engage in the usual rap session" #hey could rehash to their heart's content at +unday night's party" Ryan dro&e Christy ho$e as usual( but he sped up and passed her house instead of turning into her dri&e%ay" Christy looked at hi$ in surprise" 35here are %e going:3 3-ff to London to see the /ueen"3 He %histled the nursery tune" 3I think your kindergarteners ha&e finally got to you" I'$ tired( Ryan" Head for ho$e"3 He scre%ed his face into an aggrie&ed pout" 3Hell's bells" Here you are acting like a balky little $ule" I thought redheads restricted the$sel&es to $ore elegant theatrics"3 34ust a hango&er fro$ a pre&ious reincarnation" 'ighty handy( I $ight add"3 He ga&e an e)aggerated sigh" 35ell( %hat do you kno%( I'&e been taken in by the Bridey 'urphy of the ani$al kingdo$73 He s%ept his eyes o&er her( then ga&e a lo% %olf %histle" 3'ighty gorgeous for a little ol'$ule73 Ho% readily flattery rolled off his tongue" 5ith 'ark( a co$pli$ent ca$e $ore often as the shine in his eyes or the touch of his hand" But she'd kno%" 3You're $ighty generous %ith those ten,dollar ad;ecti&es(3 she said" He grinned and tapped his te$ple" 3*lenty $ore %here those ca$e fro$( darlin'"3 +he s$othered a laugh" His char$ bubbled like a fountain( sparkling and %inso$e" He turned into the circular dri&e%ay of his handso$e ranch,style house and shut off the $otor" +he looked at hi$ sharply" 35orried about so$ething:3 he asked" :eep it light, she %arned herself" 3I think so$ething %orries you( Ryan"3 He banged a fist on the steering %heel" 3You're da$n right73 3'y goodness( you're $ighty profound for this late hour"3 He suddenly reached o&er and turned her to face hi$" 3It's you that %orries $e( s%eetheart" 'y si)th sense tells $e that you need to un%ind tonight" I'$ prepared to offer you $y ear( a little +outhern Co$fort and a good leather chair at $y fireside"3 Christy pulled a%ay and looked straight ahead" 5here did this con&ersation lead: 3#hanks( but no thanks" 5e can go to $y place for a nightcap"3 3I don't think so" Any%ay( it's early"3 30ot really"3 35ell( earlier than usual" I'll e&en turn on $y fabulous Irish char$"3 3I'll take bets on that73 #he di$ light barely obscured his roguish grin" +he %ondered if con&ention %as a cloak he thre% carelessly o&er one shoulder( there %hen he needed it: -r did his leprechaun heart truly beat in innocent rhyth$s: +he $o&ed a little a%ay fro$ hi$( and his s$ile &anished" 3If you think I'$ $aking a pass( Christy( I'$ not(3 he said /uietly" +he %as relie&ed that the dark obscured her flush of e$barrass$ent" 3I didn't $ean to i$ply that( but

you'll ha&e to ad$it this looks suspiciously like . 3 3Like a /uick stop at a fast,food palace for a little sustenance: 0e&er"3 3I'$ glad you said that" +e) as a pasti$e isn't $y thing"3 30or $ine" Lust is short,li&ed and erodes a relationship" Besides( it refuses to get in&ol&ed" I don't need that" I belie&e in co$$it$ent and a lasting in&ol&e$ent" In other %ords( lo&e"3 His %ords fell into the silence and see$ed to echo around e&ery recess in the car" +he looked at hi$ in confusion" 3You'll ha&e to forgi&e $y thick head" All this fencing $akes $e unco$fortable" +ay it out straight( Ryan" 5hy did you bring $e here: 3 He reached for her hand and held it in both of his" 3'ost of the ti$e you see$ too serene to be true" !id you kno% that it has a restorati&e effect on e&eryone around you: But the aura has gro%n rather thin lately" I think you need to tell $e about it"3 3+o no% it's -'Rourke( the psychologist"3 35ithout peer" In&aluable in $y profession( you kno%" And I'll tell you %hat I see"3 He shed his bantering tone like a ;acket that had gro%n too %ar$" 3You're allo%ing so$ething to eat you up inside( and %e'd better tend to it soon" I don't kno% %here 'ark figures in this" Either you're refusing his help( or he's not offering any" !on't refuse $ine( Christy"3 #his %as too $uch" +he ached %ith %eariness( %ith the tur$oil of hers and 'ark's relationship( %ith the conflicting thoughts aroused by her pregnancy( and she felt alar$ed by the sensiti&ity of the $an beside her" +he pressed her pal$s into her eyes to hold back the tears and i$$ediately felt Ryan's ar$s close around her" +he clung to hi$( %eeping" He spoke co$forting %ords and held her until at last she gre% /uiet" #hen she told hi$ about !a&y and the August day that changed her life" 5hen she finished( an agoni ed sob escaped Hyan's throat" 3-h( darlin'( darlin'(3 he said huskily( and they clung together in $utual co$passion o&er the si$ilar tragedies that they each had suffered" 5ithin the circle of his ar$s she finally %iped her eyes %ith the handkerchief he pro&ided" 3+orry(3 she said" 3I don't often lose control"3 3*erhaps it's ti$e that you did( then(3 He kissed her and held her close again %hile they absorbed the co$fort of hu$an touch and the healing /ualities of the silence and darkness that surrounded the$" 3And that's only the prologue( isn't it:3 he said softly at last" 3#hat's all for no%"3 Her &oice %as hoarse fro$ crying" +he reached up and fra$ed his face %ith her hands" 3You're $y dear friend( Ryan" Ho% can I tell you %hat your understanding $eans to $e:3 #he little speech sounded trite and stilted( but she $eant e&ery %ord" He searched her face for a $o$ent( and the inti$acy or %hate&er /uality it %as that they shared( di$inished" He cleared the air %ith a po$pous thu$p on his chest" 3I'$ a &eritable safe,deposit bo)" -pen the &ault any ti$e that you need $e73 #hen he started the car" #he streetlights glo%ed %ith $isty rings like s$all +aturns as they dro&e along the /uiet tree,lined a&enue" In a fe% $inutes they reached her to%n house" Ryan %alked her to the door( then s%iftly bent and kissed her on the lips" 3#hat's for lo&e( darlin'( not lust"3 #hen he %histled cheerily all the %ay back to the car as if they'd ;ust returned fro$ a lighthearted e&ening at a carni&al" Christy did not understand hi$" He %as like those nests of containers %here each one opened to re&eal an ob;ect of different shape and design" 5hich of the $any sel&es sho%ed the true $an: And as far as the lo&e he so glibly professed( she could not take it seriously" Either he honestly $eant the pure unselfish lo&e of one's fello% $an as e)tolled by philosophers( or else he played the garrulous Irish$an in the $usical co$edy %ho( 3%hen he %as not near the girl he lo&ed( he lo&ed the girl he %as near"3 But the $ost troubling aspect of all %as the doubt he raised concerning her o%n integrity" +he had %illingly accepted the solace of his e$brace" It for$ed insufficient e)cuse to say that the $o$ent de$anded it" 5as she so desperate for the reassurance that could be satisfied by physical contact: !id she long so intensely for 'ark's lo&e and support she %ould accept any substitute: #he thoughts appalled her" It %as a sensation she could ha&e li&ed %ithout" >ntil !a&y's death she had &ie%ed her life in clear,cut perspecti&e" 0o% fa$iliar path%ays looked strange" -ld definitions didn't hold" #here see$ed no point of reference any$ore" Any%ay( she cherished Ryan's friendship( but she didn't %ant $ore than that fro$ hi$" 0o%"

CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Catherines +>0!AY, 'A#I0EE %as set for three o'clock" As usual( Christy reported %ell beforehand in order to set up lights and stands for the $usicians and tend to the ritual of %ar$,up and tuning" 'ark assured her he %ould hike do%n the hill in plenty of ti$e for the opening curtain" #he 1riday, and +aturday,night perfor$ances %ere co$pletely sold out( and on both occasions Christy %atched( intrigued( to see ho% the enthusias$ of the ho$eto%n audience spurred the cast to gi&e stunning response" +he fer&ently hoped there %ould be no letdo%n for today's sho%" +he %anted 'ark to see Catherina at its best( but she needn't ha&e %orried" At the lift of the curtain the players $o&ed %ith an assurance earned fro$ their long hours of disciplined rehearsals" #he breathless hush during 6aren's poignant ballet ackno%ledged her skill once again( and Christy kne% 'ark %ould be i$pressed e&en if he didn't notice that his %ife co$posed the $usic" !uring the schoolroo$ nu$ber she suddenly %ondered if so$eday her o%n child $ight sing in a $usical production" 5ould his &oice ring out %ith the flutelike /uality of the young boy no% perfor$ing: 5ould her son flash an ingratiating grin and accept applause %ith such aplo$b: -f course( he %as bound to ha&e a part in so$ething( e&en if it %ere only third angel on the left in a *"#"A" progra$" But she %ould ne&er see hi$ $ake his s$all debut( she thought desolately" All through the first act she stored ite$s in her $e$ory she %anted to share and talk o&er %ith 'ark" 5hat did he think of the spoof on sibling ri&alry( and had he noticed that adorable dark,haired i$p in the children's nu$ber: +he felt certain he'd be surprised at the professional caliber of both the players and the $usical itself( and could hardly %ait for inter$ission to hear his reactions" As the lights ca$e on( she %aited for hi$ to ;oin her( but %hen he didn't co$e( she hurried to the foyer" Her ga e s%ept repeatedly across the $illing cro%d( but she could not spot the fa$iliar rusty head" 1inally she %alked do%n the outside corridors and then searched the auditoriu$" By that ti$e( blinking lights signaled the end of inter$ission" #here %as no reason to %orry( she told herself" 'ark %as there so$eplace" *erhaps he'd stepped outside on the /uad to chat %ith friends" #he second act proceeded at the sa$e rollicking pace( and after the fifth and final curtain call( Christy rested her elbo%s on the keys and tried to let tension drain a%ay" #he %eeks packed %ith hard %ork( creati&ity and real satisfaction %ere o&er" 1or a fe% $inutes she chatted %ith the other $usicians( all hypersti$ulated by the at$osphere of success" #hank goodness( they %ere all going to the cast party at Ryan's" It %ould take a%hile to descend fro$ such a high" +he folded chairs and stands( took her ti$e sorting the $usic into folders and tried not to look at her %atch" #he cro%d thinned in the auditoriu$ e)cept for the throng backstage around Ryan and the actors" 5hy hadn't 'ark co$e: +o$eho% his absence dis$issed her $usical self as not %orth his ti$e" It hurt" A lot" 5hat no%: +he and 'ark %ere supposed to go directly to the dinner party( but she refused to attend alone" +he could ne&er face the intuiti&e Ryan $uch less ;oin in the e)uberance of her friends" 3+ee you later(3 6aren called as Christy put on her coat" 3<i&e $y regrets( %ill you: I $ust be co$ing do%n %ith so$ething" I'&e felt /ueasy all day"3 At least( a portion of the e)cuse %as truthful" +he slipped out a side door so as not to run into Ryan( %ho stood accepting accolades fro$ the cro%d around hi$ %ith broad clo%n grins" At this point she felt in no $ood to cope %ith his brand of persuasion" #he air chilled her as she stepped out onto the darkening street( and she dug her fists into her pockets as she plodded up the hill to her to%n house" E&erything looked unnatural at this ti$e of day" #he dusk ga&e a gray anony$ity to the landscape" Houses( trees and shrubbery flo%ed together to $ake shado%y silhouettes against the light,drained hori on" 0o cars cli$bed the little hill" E&erything see$ed fro en in a bleak $o$ent of silence" E&en a %ay%ard gull( hunched like a crone on a neighbor's fence( see$ed far re$o&ed fro$ the insouciant creature that usually %inged the skies" "ou're orchestrating a mood, Christy chided herself( complete with muted violins and enough self-pity to feed a month of soap operas. #hy all this supercharged reaction, "ou're the one who insisted on a noinvolvement marriage. 3ar& is only following your dictates. +he recalled their %edding cere$ony %here the $inister had spoken of a person's need for support( for sharing( for dialogue" Ho% superficially she'd regarded those re$arks" +he had not kno%n then the /uality of life she'd planned to deny" Inti$acy could blosso$ in $any colors( and one dre% hu$anity fro$ each e)perience"

As she reached the crest of the hill( she sa% a scarlet 'ercedes in the dri&e%ay" -ne of 'ark's clients: +he felt a surge of relief" Logical e)planations e)isted( after all" +he hurried up the steps( no% concerned only to get her nausea pills" Ridiculous to forget the$ on a day such as this" -ne thing she needed for sure( solitude for at least a do en hours so she %ouldn't gi&e a%ay her disappoint$ent" +he stepped into the li&ing roo$ and stopped short at the co y fa$ily scene" 'ark held his little daughter( Carol( in his lap %ith the co$ic page of the +unday paper spread out before the$" Carol looked rela)ed and content( her head snuggled against his shoulder" !arcy spra%led on the floor against a chair %ith a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other" +he looked striking in snug %hite pants and an e&en $ore snug tank top( %hich left little to %onder about e)cept ho% she %as able to so generously display her high rounded breasts %ithout incurring total disaster" A %ispy blue scarf around her neck ga&e a token nod to $odesty( and her taffy hair fell around her shoulders in a casual arrange$ent that %ould ha&e taken Christy hours to achie&e" E&en !arcy's bare feet in the Cape io sandals looked sli$ and beautiful" Christy leaned back against the door for support and took in the three pairs of eyes focused on her" +he felt like an intruder( do%dy( du$b( resentful" 'ark set Carol do%n and rose( but before he could speak( !arcy took charge" 3+urprise73 +he %a&ed her cigarette in a kind of salute and acco$panied it %ith a lo% laugh" Christy found her tongue at last" 3Hello( Carol"3 3Hi(3 Carol said pri$ly and reached for her father's hand" 5hat a %aif( Christy thought" #he child's hair hung untidily as if it had blo%n all day in the %ind( and in contrast to her $other's faultless appearance( Carol's faded pants %ere at least one si e too large" Her %ide deep blue eyes( e)actly the sa$e color as 'ark's( %ere her $ost attracti&e feature( but no% they glanced a%ay fro$ Christy %ith an air of /uick dis$issal" 3And ho% are you( !arcy:3 Christy asked" !arcy ble% a graceful plu$e of s$oke and %atched it dissipate" 3All things considered( I'$ ;ust fine" I'$ on $y %ay to Reno for $ore than one reason(3 she added" 3Lo&ers $ake rotten husbands( darling" *ut that do%n in your book"3 +he nodded appreciati&ely at this bit of %isdo$" Christy tried for a s$ile and kne% she didn't $anage %ell( then searched 'ark's lean face and e)perienced a shock of nonrecognition( as if he'd beco$e so$eone else" 3!arcy has a contract to perfor$ in a nightclub at Lake #ahoe near Reno( %hich see$s to coincide %ell %ith her plans for di&orce" I'&e agreed that Carol %ill stay %ith us(3 he said stiffly" 3-f course" 5e'll be pleased to ha&e her(3 Christy said and hoped that she %ould" #o her surprise she sounded reasonably controlled" +o$e ne% personality $ust ha&e taken charge" Carol began to pu$p 'ark's hand" 3I'$ hungry( daddy" 5e only had Cokes for lunch"3 3Hold your horses( punkin( %e'll go out for dinner in a little %hile"3 3-h( no( daddy" Can't %e eat here:3 +he continued to tug at his ar$ %ith her plea" !arcy looked a$used and said nothing" Christy felt the ner&es tighten in her neck" 3ission accomplished, Darcy, she thought" It's time for you to do a fade out. But !arcy lit another cigarette and didn't see$ prepared to fade out no% or in the reasonable future" 3I'll fi) so$ething(3 Christy said" Anything to get out of this roo$ for a fe% $inutes" !arcy %a&ed a hand airily" 35e're easy to please" 1ruit and crackers" 'ake it si$ple"3 Yes( it certainly %ould ha&e to be si$ple( considering there'd been no ti$e to shop this past busy %eek" 3*erhaps you'd go to the store for $e( 'ark" I'$ afraid our larder doesn't offer $uch choice(3 Christy said" !idn't he re$e$ber they'd planned to go to Ryan's dinner party: #here'd been no reason to fi) dinner tonight" 'ark fro%ned" 3-h( co$e no%( you'&e had a busy day" 5e don't %ant a gour$et $eal" 4ust set out %hate&er is handy . fruit and crackers( $ake it si$ple"3 Christy felt sudden fury at the %ay he echoed !ar,cy's charge" Ho% %ould bread and %ater strike you( she thought and noted 'ark sho%ed no intention of going to the store" !arcy held out her e$pty glass to 'ark" 31reshen it( %ill you( darling:3 'ark took the glass and follo%ed Christy out to the kitchen" +he flung her coat o&er a chair" 3You'll ha&e to gi&e $e a little ti$e to get organi ed(3 she said curtly" 'ark $i)ed drinks( and Christy opened the refrigerator to sur&ey its $eager contents" 3I'$ sorry I didn't get to your shindig(3 'ark said after a fe% $o$ents of frosty silence" 3Carol and !arcy arri&ed right after you left"3 #ears of disappoint$ent stung her eyes( but she kept her back to hi$" 3#hink nothing of it" I $issed your

dinner engage$ent last %eek" 5e can call the score e&en"3 #hat %as about as $any %ords as she could handle at the $o$ent" Indifference could act as a tool if she could re$e$ber to use it" +he %ent to the bedroo$( ran a co$b through her hair( redid her $akeup and changed into her $ost attracti&e hostess go%n( the tur/uoise caftan fro$ her $odest trousseau( then returned to the kitchen" 5hat: 0o drink $i)ed for the cook: Cut the $artyr act( Christy" 'ark kno%s you don't care for $artinis( and they'd consu$ed all the sherry days ago" +he took account of the al$ost e$pty refrigerator once again" #here %ere a do en eggs( a s$all %edge of cheese and a fe% greens that $ight translate into an o$elet and a tossed salad %ithout too $uch effort" Her sto$ach pro$ptly rebelled at the thought of $elted cheese and eggs( and she raced to the bathroo$" After a fe% $inutes she %iped the perspiration fro$ her face( took a nausea pill and repaired her $akeup once $ore" +o$ething beat at her brain so that she couldn't think clearly" +he took the lettuce out of the refrigerator( put it back( then took it out again" !arcy %ould soon be free" #hat %as it" !arcy %ould soon be free" #he i$plication bore do%n on her like a s%ar$ of stinging insects" 'ark stuck his head in the door and %atched her $ake the salad" 35hat's holding things up: !on't tell $e you're bent on %hipping up one of your gour$et dandies( after all: 5hat happened to the fruit and crackers:3 +he doggedly tore lettuce into a bo%l" 35e ha&e a total of one $oldy banana( and there are no crackers" <ranted( the kitchen $aid isn't too bright( but if you can bear up for ten $ore $inutes( I belie&e e&erything %ill be ready"3 +he $et his eyes briefly and felt he resolutely locked out all e)pression" 5ell( he %asn't the only one %ho could carry on %ith a re$ote air" +he laid out place $ats and sil&er on a tray( and he took the$ to the dining area %here he apparently enlisted Carol's assistance" His deep &oice( Carol's childish chatter and an occasional easy laugh fro$ !arcy see$ed natural and in tune" And the gla$orous !arcy %ould soon be free" Christy dished up the food at last( $ade her back straight and carried e&erything to the table" 5ith so$e satisfaction she sa% !arcy's eyes %iden at the o$elet" It lay plu$p and delicately bro%ned on a sil&er platter %ith the orange cheese oo ing te$ptingly at the edges" +he'd garnished it %ith sprigs of $int she'd snipped fro$ the stalk under the kitchen %indo%( and the fragrant aro$a ho&ered o&er the table like a benediction" #he salad $ust ha&e been all right( too( the %ay e&eryone consu$ed it" Christy's sto$ach knotted( but she ignored the disco$fort and pushed the food around her plate in an effecti&e sho% of eating" +he thought the least 'ark could do %as to sho% a little enthusias$ for this $ar&elous $eal she'd %hipped up out of nothing( but he looked gri$ as if he %ere deter$ined to keep his thoughts neat and orderly and ne&er allo% the$ to run a$ok" #hen e&eryone noticed that Carol sat un$o&ing( staring glu$ly at her plate" 3Eat your o$elet( darling" You kno% you like eggs(3 !arcy coa)ed" Carol scre%ed up her face as if the sight gagged her" 3I hate eggs %ith cheese" It $akes the$ all gooey and yucky" I like your eggs( $o$$y" 5hy can't she fi) the$ like you do: /lain. Not %ith cheese"3 +he gripped her sto$ach and began to %ail" 3I'$ hungry" I %ant so$ething else to eat"3 'ark tried to soothe her %hile !arcy gingerly forked out so$e of the cheese" E&entually hunger triu$phed( and Carol cleaned her plate" But the $eal had been spoiled( and Christy %ondered if Carol's actions %ere any indication of %hat the future held" !id all children beha&e like that( she %ondered" +he'd not seen !a&y stage such a scene" It %as a dreary thought( but she suspected that step$others spurred such actions" 1or too long no%( Christy reali ed the roo$ re$ained unnaturally /uiet( then felt al$ost shocked as she heard her o%n &oice( artificially cheerful( ra$ble on about highlights of the afternoon's perfor$ance( a desperate descant against the silence" 3Really( 'ark(3 she concluded( 3you should ha&e brought Carol and !arcy"3 !arey see$ed genuinely intrigued and laughed gaily at Christy's anecdotes( occasionally adding far %ittier accounts of her o%n" !arcy see$ed to possess so$e inner core of char$ and &i&acity that bubbled infinitely" In the a$bience of such brilliance( Christy supposed she e$erged as a di$,%itted student( discussing the production of a ;unior,high dra$a club" !hut up, can't you, Christy %arned herself and kne% her poise teetered on so$e catastrophic edge" After a decent inter&al she rose" 3I'll $ake up a bed for you in the den( Carol( for %hene&er you are ready" I'$ so glad you're going to stay %ith us"3 !uch white lies were forgivable when mouthed by stepmothers, she thought and forga&e herself" 3I hope you %ill all e)cuse $e" I'&e had a rather busy %eek( and I see$ to ha&e caught a bug"3 Carol looked her o&er as if she $ight see it cra%l"

3You go to bed(3 'ark said" 3I'll tend to Carol"3 !arcy nodded" 3+ho% bi can be e)hausting"3 Christy thought she probably i$agined the patroni ing o&ertone" Bed felt like hea&en" +he lay do%n in her clothes and i$$ediately do ed" 1ro$ ti$e to ti$e she heard the $ur$ur of &oices and occasional laughter as if it %ere so$e foreign language that she neither understood nor cared about" Later 'ark ca$e into the roo$" +he felt hi$ stand o&er her" 3Christy:3 +he forced her eyes open" 3Yes:3 3Ho% are you feeling:3 3I'll be fine as soon as I catch up on $y sleep"3 He gestured &aguely" 3I'$ sorry about all this" It ca$e at a deucedly a%k%ard ti$e( I kno%"3 He reached do%n and pushed back a lock of hair that had fallen across her cheek and let his hand rest there for a $o$ent" +he felt certain that he %anted to sit do%n on the bed beside her( but neither of the$ spoke" It %as one of those $o$ents that hung in suspense( then died /uickly because neither of the$ kne% ho% to deal %ith it" He cleared his throat a%k%ardly( and she opened her eyes to look at hi$ again" 3>h( %e'&e put Carol to bed(3 he said a little hesitantly" 3!arcy %ants to see the rental center before she goes back to the $otel( so I'll run her o&er for a look through"3 Christy nodded" 5hy did he bother %ith all this e)planation: 3I understand(3 she said %earily" He paused and looked at her through narro%ed eyelids" 3I %onder if you do" You see( %hile !arcy is in Reno( you %ill ha&e Carol's care" 5ill that alter things too drastically fro$ no% on( %hat %ith your $usic and all:3 3And all(3 $eaning 3%ith beco$ing pregnant(3 she supposed" +he ought to tell hi$ this &ery $inute that she %as already o&er three $onths along" #hat %ould put a pri e da$per on his e&ening" 5ell( she %asn't up to coping %ith any $ore scenes tonight" 3!on't %orry( 'ark(3 she said" 31ro$ no% on isn't that $uch longer for us( is it:3 #he thought see$ed to pitch her headlong into so$e &ast e$ptiness" His eyes glea$ed oddly( and he turned and left her %ith an indistinct goodbye" +he got up then and sho%ered( put on a nightgo%n and crept bet%een the sheets" +he fell asleep at once" H->R+ LA#ER +HE 5A6E0E!" 'oonlight flooded the roo$" Her bedside clock sho%ed I A"'" and 'ark %as not beside her" o ahead and thin& the worst 9ust as if you've every right, she thought" 5ide a%ake no%( she had a sudden yen for a glass of $ilk" +he %ent barefoot do%nstairs" #he kitchen looked i$$aculate( %ith not a sign of its earlier clutter" 'ark and !arcy no doubt tidied it %ith nostalgic togetherness" +he finished the $ilk( then %ent up to the den to check on Carol" #he child lay rela)ed %ith her ar$s fra$ing her head( her face de%y and s%eet( no longer an obstreperous raga$uffin( al$ost an angel" Christy bent to tuck in the blanket $ore securely and heard a key turn in the front,door lock( then the sound of 'ark's steps cli$bing the stairs" +he shrank into a dark corner( suddenly self,conscious of her fil$y go%n" *erhaps she could slip back into bed and feign sleep %hile he %as" in the bathroo$( but he strode i$$ediately to Carol's side" Christy %atched his face as he looked do%n at his child( then closed her eyes" It %as unfair to obser&e such pri&ate tenderness" #hen he sa% her" 3Christy7 You startled $e73 3+he's a beautiful child( 'ark(3 Christy said softly" He let his hand rest lightly on his little daughter's cheek( an endearing habit Christy cherished for herself" 3I kno%(3 he agreed( then turned to her" 35hy are you up: !id Carol %aken:3 30o( ;ust checking" It %as late( and %ell( I felt concerned"3 +he preceded hi$ out of the roo$" 3I'$ sorry" I belie&e I'&e $entioned before that !arcy allo%s no run,of,the,$ill business in her books" Actually it didn't take that long" I'&e been %alking"3 35alking( 'ark:3 He offered no e)planation( and they %ent back to their bedroo$( $ottled %ith sil&er light and deep shado%s" +he felt as if they %ere hung in so$e <othic painting" He suddenly reached out to pull her close" 3You look like a sprite in that gau y thing( but thank <od( you're real(3 he $ur$ured against her hair" #he fresh scent of his cheek filled her nostrils( and she %illed it to keep her drugged so that she %ouldn't pull a%ay" Her ar$s slipped up around his neck of their o%n accord( and he tightened his around her( rocking her against his chest" It had been ages since he'd held her

like this( and she %anted to re$ain there fore&er( letting the feeling seep into her bones" He kissed her gently( al$ost e)peri$entally( then $o&ed a%ay to study her for a $o$ent( as if to $e$ori e e&ery feature of her face( each shado%ed outline of her body" 3You're beautiful(3 he said" 3Really beautiful"3 3-h( no( you can't $ean that(3 she cried and gathered the folds of her diaphanous go%n across her slight ne% roundness" 1or a $o$ent his face looked &ulnerable as if she had %ounded hi$" #hen s%iftly he picked her up and carried her to their bed" +he %atched hi$ as he undressed( his lean $uscular body touched by $oonlight" .e's the beautiful one, she thought( her eyes aching( and kne% she ought to flee fro$ the roo$" But she could not deny hi$ tonight" Hi$: 0o( she ad$itted" +he could not deny herself" #hen he %as beside her( their li$bs ent%ined( and he caught her to hi$ %ith a fierceness that took her breath a%ay" His hands( ordinarily gentle and concerned for her pleasure( dug hard into her flesh so that she al$ost cried out" Her $ind reeled" #hey clung to each other as a kind of star&ation see$ed to engulf the$ both( and all the resolutions %ith %hich she'd steadily confronted herself dissol&ed in the brilliance that consu$ed the$" +HE 5A+0'# +>RE ho% $uch later it %as %hen she %oke to find herself still in 'ark's ar$s" #he roo$( barely &isible in the light that filtered through the %indo%s( looked respectful and co$$onplace once $ore( and she felt an uneasy logic seep into her $ind" 5hat had co$e o&er 'ark: Had !arcy so infla$ed hi$ that he needed such i$$ediate release: #he thought al$ost gagged her" +he pulled a%ay %ith a little $oan( $ortified at her still fla$ing body( a traitor to her reason" 'ark got up( thre% on a robe and sat on her side of the bed" He reached for her hand and gently outlined each finger %ith one of his" 3I'$ sorry(3 he said" 3!id I hurt you:3 30o(3 she ans%ered and gripped hard a corner of the sheet in the other hand" 35hat's %rong then:3 +he sensed a ealous assess$ent in his un%a&ering eyes" 3I guess I don't relish the role of instant surrogate"3 He dropped her hand" 3Instant surrogate: Is that %hat you belie&e:3 +he pulled the co&ers up to her chin" 3You'll ha&e to ad$it tonight's situation pro&ided a classic setup" <i&e $e credit for a little insight( 'ark"3 He rose and %ent o&er to look out the %indo%" +$all night sounds see$ed $agnified out of all proportion" #he bark of a dog roared against her eardru$s( the &ibrations fro$ the bedside electric clock could ha&e been a passing ;et" E&en her heart pounded like a ty$pani" 3I see(3 he said finally" 3I keep forgetting ours is a $arriage of planned obsolescence" I can ne&er re$e$ber there's a for$ula to be follo%ed"3 He looked do%n at her reflecti&ely" 3I $ust say( though( I ne&er suspected you %ere such a con&incing actress" +urrogate %ife: +urrogate husband: 5ell( that %as the %hole idea of your contract( %asn't it:3 His e)pressionless tone fell like salt on a blistering burn" 3-f course" You're right( and I pro$ise not to react like this again" After all( I should reali e the &arying de$ands of the $ale glands"3 He $uttered an oath and %alked ta the closet" 3<ood <od( Christy7 !o you ha&e to reduce e&erything to lo%est ter$s:3 #he closet door opened( and Christy %atched his shado%y for$ gather blankets and a pillo% and kne% that he %ent to $ake his bed on the li&ing,roo$ sofa"

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHRI+#Y 5-6E A# !A50" A lone bird sang out a fine repertoire of $ordents and trills fro$ so$e%here( and Christy %ondered if she and the songster %ere the only ones a%ake in this inter&al before the day got on its feet" +he lay on her back and felt her sto$ach for signs of gro%th as she did al$ost e&ery day no%" +he %ished she kne% another e)pectant $other %ith %ho$ she could talk o&er the co$$onplace sy$pto$s like nausea( stretch $arks( %eight gain and all the e)citing bodily changes so significant to pregnant %o$en and tireso$e to others" 'ost of all she %anted to feel co$fortable about sharing %ith 'ark the a$a ing things that %ere happening to her and to ha&e hi$ respond %ith tenderness and caring" -h( %hat it $ust feel like to be happily pregnant7

+he reached o&er to the bedside table and picked up one of the books on prenatal care borro%ed fro$ the library" +he'd left se&eral conspicuously around( thinking 'ark $ight see the$( but he'd checked out of this roo$ %ithout noticing" #he e$ptiness of her bed $ade her a%are that her life had beco$e oddly seg$ented" #here %as a child %ithin her %ho aroused so$e fierce and be%ildering ne% e$otions" #here %as Beth( her grie&ing sister( una%are of the child that %ould soon be hers" #here %as a child in the roo$ across the hall( %ho looked at her %ith cool eyes or else refused to look at her at all" And then there %as 'ark %ith the stubborn chin( %ho slept last night on the li&ing,roo$ sofa" +he felt alone in this house" All her life she see$ed haunted by loneliness" +he %ondered uneasily if loneliness after all de&eloped in the genes and beca$e a part of one's style like the %ay one s$iled or %alked" #he pu le of her o%n condition %as ho% ine&itable it al%ays see$ed" !id choice re$ain a fantasy: +he rose( dressed /uickly and tiptoed do%n to the kitchen" "ou're full of e(cuses this morning, my girl, she thought" +ince %hen shouldn't a person take responsibility for her o%n actions: Let's see if a copper bo%l of yello% pri$roses %ill cheer up the pre$ises" +he cut the flo%ers fro$ a %indo% bo) and arranged the$ %ith /uick tense $o&e$ents" #hen she set the table and stirred up a batch of 'ark's fa&orite blueberry pancakes" +he follo%ed the recipe carefully because she didn't trust her $e$ory this $orning" +oon she heard the bu of 'ark's sha&er and then Carol and 'ark in /uiet con&ersation" #hey ca$e do%n together( Carol in her robe( clutching her father's hand" 5hat a sole$n little girl( Christy thought and %ondered if she'd e&er get across the child's thorn,hedge reser&e" *erhaps she shouldn't try" #here %as no real reason to force herself into Carol's pri&ate do$ain for such a short,range relationship" 3<ood $orning(3 Christy said brightly( taking her cue fro$ the pri$roses" 'ark's ans%er %as polite( as if she %ere a nodding ac/uaintance" Carol said nothing( but kept her eyes on her father as if he $ight disappear if she let hi$ out of her sight" #he %istful adoration tugged at Christy's heart" Ho% could !arcy so casually relin/uish this pi)ie %ith her father's blue eyes: 5hy( you hypocrite( Christy thought and felt a ra% thrust of pain" At least 'ark and Carol greeted the pancakes %ith relish( and Christy heaped their plates" 3'ore coffee( 'ark:3 3Yes( please"3 +ilence" After last night's /uarrel Christy supposed there re$ained little to talk about" +he began to feel in&isible( and it %asn't &ery co$fortable" After a $inute or t%o she poured a cup of coffee and sat do%n at the table" %oo& you two, she $utely addressed the$( do you mind if I 9oin this scintillating conversation, "ou loo& positively devastating this morning, 3r. 0. with all those icicles dripping off those curly eyelashes, and Carol, I'm not going to eat you, honest. +he s$iled at her s$all stepdaughter( %ho $aintained her distance like so$e infant star concerned %ith its o%n gala)y" 30o% that the sho% is o&er( %e'll ha&e lots of ti$e to get ac/uainted" #here's a park nearby and a library( too"3 Carol stopped her spoon $id%ay to her $outh" Her eyes filled %ith apprehension( and she $ade no response" 'ark see$ed engrossed in the $orning paper" Christy %ondered ho% long she could function in this frigid cli$ate" +he stifled a sigh" +o life %as full of conflict" 5hat's ne% about that: -ne $ust face up to it or else succu$b to neuroses" End of lecture" *lan %ith the head( she'd al%ays $aintained( and the heart %ould follo%" But %hat did one do %ith a dissenting heart: 'ark picked up his briefcase( and Carol follo%ed hi$ to the door" 3!on't forget( daddy"3 3!on't forget %hat:3 3You kno%(3 Carol said $ore coyly than Christy thought her capable" He s%ung her up and held her close" 3Ho% could I e&er forget you: I lo&e you( punkin"3 He kissed her and set her do%n" +he stood at the %indo% and %a&ed until 'ark %as out of sight( then ca$e to the table and slo%ly sipped the rest of her $ilk" 35ill daddy co$e ho$e & for dinner:3 she asked after a $inute or t%o" 3-f course"3 31or sure: You pro$ise:3 +he see$ed to assess Christy's truthfulness" 35hy( yes( unless he calls or has to go out of to%n"3 +he leaned back in her chair %ith a look of relief" 3<ood( because daddies should co$e ho$e on birthdays"3

3#oday is your birthday: Are you certain: 5hat is the date:3 Had 'ark forgotten the birthday: +he %as positi&e of it( or he %ould ha&e $entioned it this $orning" 5hy hadn't !arcy re$inded hi$: 3'o$$y said daddy %ould bring $e a present"3 #he state$ent sounded $ore like a /uestion" 3-f course( he %ill"3 And had !arcy gi&en her so$ething( Christy %ondered" 3'y $other %ill send $e a special present fro$ Reno(3 she said( eyes unblinking( as if she kne% precisely %hat %ent through Christy's head" 35ell( %hat do you kno%( your birthday7 I say that calls for a party73 Carol see$ed not to ha&e heard" 3If daddy doesn't co$e( I %on't cry"3 Christy %as startled to see the outline of 'ark's deter$ined chin in the s$all upturned one" 35ell( crying isn't so a%ful" #here are ti$es %hen %e all need to cry"3 30o(3 Carol said fir$ly" 3!addy $ight go a%ay again if he found out I cried"3 Christy looked at the gra&e little face" 5ho kne% %hat terrible an)ieties Carol hid: 3-h( honey( you're %rong" You had nothing to do %ith that(3 Christy i$pulsi&ely laid her hand on the little girl's shoulder" +he'd heard that so$e children actually bla$ed the$sel&es for their parents' di&orce" Carol %riggled free" 3'y $other said you shouldn't let strangers touch you"3 Christy felt as if she'd been doused %ith cold %ater" 3Your $other is right( Carol" But I'$ not a stranger( a$ I:3 +he added gently( 3I a$ part of your fa$ily no%( and I'$ going to help take care of you"3 Carol stood up and $et Christy's ga e %ithout flinching" 0ut you are a stranger, her eyes said as clearly as if she had spoken" 3Any%ay(3 Carol continued( 3$o$$y isn't going to be $arried to >ncle +pencer any$ore( so daddy can co$e back"3 3I see(3 Christy said" 5as this the fantasy %ish of a lonely child( or did Carol act as the $outhpiece for the future plan: +o$eho% Christy felt that last night it had all been discussed and arranged" Her &ision blurred $o$entarily( and the color see$ed to drain out of the pri$roses" 3I think you'd better get dressed" Co$e along" #oday %e'll turn the den into a roo$ for you"3 3Can daddy sleep in $y roo$:3 3I think not"3 35hy: #hat %ould be better than the sofa"3 5ell( naturally she should e)pect a child of 'ark's to be obser&ant" +he didn't ans%er but unpacked the suitcase and sho%ed Carol %here to put her play clothes and underthings" Christy hung up a half do en drab little dresses" Apparently !arcy's taste in clothing did not e)tend to her daughter" Carol slipped into ;eans and a faded #,shirt( then leaned against the %indo% to look do%n the street" 3!oes daddy co$e ho$e that %ay:3 +he pointed" 3Yes( he dri&es up that hill(3 Christy said" 3I'll %atch for hi$"3 3'y goodness( you'll get tired if you stay there all day"3 But Carol dragged a chair to the %indo% and settled herself %ith her elbo%s on the sill" Christy looked at the persistent set of the little back and recalled a four,year,old Christy %ho %aited for hours on the boarding,school steps for so$e relati&e to pick her up for a holiday outing" If you didn't %atch( she re$e$bered( the person $ight not co$e" +he left Carol and %ent to telephone 'ark's secretary" 34ust re$ind hi$ to get ho$e in ti$e for his daughter's birthday party"3 #hat ought to ;og his $e$ory" After she straightened the house and $ade up the beds( she con&inced Carol to forsake her post and %alk %ith her to the store" #here %as a s$all shopping center ;ust behind the school( and e&en though 'ark left his <hia for her no%adays and dro&e a rental car fro$ the business( she'd co$e to en;oy the trek to the $arket %hen there %as not too $uch to carry" It %as so$ething she'd ne&er done in the ce$ent labyrinths of 0e% York" Here the skies %ere open( and today fro$ the hilltop she could see for $iles" #o the east the &ineyards co$bed the land into neat contours( and fro$ the %est the fog rolled in fro$ the ocean( thinning to a lilac gau e as it floated o&er outlying dairy far$s and disappearing co$pletely at the edge of the city" +he lo&ed the %ay the pre&ailing bree e stroked her skin( ruffled her hair and did its best to recharge her batteries as it sent her s%inging do%n the hill" *etie( a neighbor's bro%n %oolly dog( suddenly loped o&er to escort the$" Carol reached do%n and patted his head" *etie pro$ptly %allo%ed on his back and flopped his great pa%s in e)cruciating delight" o ahead, old boy, Christy thought" ;nder the circumstances I'd probably behave 9ust as foolishly if Carol showed me that &ind of attention. But she %as deter$ined not to take Carol's attitude as a personal affront" 5hy should Carol ad$it one $ore adult into her %orld: +he'd had little reason to trust adults thus far in her short life"

Christy bought a fe% groceries to $ake up a si$ple birthday dinner and surreptitiously $anaged to purchase a s$all $usic bo) %ith a t%irling ballerina for Carol" 5hen they returned ho$e a couple of hours later( the telephone rang as they opened the door" 3'rs" Brandon:3 It %as 'ark's secretary" 3'r" Brandon tried to reach you" He took a noon plane to Los Angeles for a staff $eeting" +o$ething to do %ith the se$inars for the +an !iego con&ention"3 Christy groaned" 3-h( no7 5hat ti$e %ill he return:3 3He plans to take the eight,o'clock flight"3 3I see" 5ell( thank you"3 +he figured s%iftly" He'd arri&e in +an 1rancisco before nine( but by the ti$e he dro&e ho$e( it %ould be after ten( far too late for a birthday celebration" 5hy today( 'ark( of all days: +he couldn't bring herself to tell Carol the turn of affairs yet and scoured her $ind for a substitute plan or at least so$e %ay to soften the disappoint$ent" 'ean%hile she prepared enough lasagna to feed an ar$y and baked an angel food cake ;ust as if the party %ould take place if she continued to prepare for it" As she took the cake out of the o&en( the doorbell rang" A $essenger held a s/uare %hite bo)( and she gli$psed a florist's &an at the curb" 3Brandon residence:3 3Yes( it is(3 she said and took the bo) inside" 0o card %as e&ident( but an address label identified 'ark as the sender" +he pushed back the green tissue to re&eal an e)/uisite nosegay of pink rosebuds" +he buried her face in the delicate fragrance and closed her eyes to see 'ark's steady ga e filled %ith a faint /uestioning" An apology for deserting her bed last night( she %ondered" A delicious feeling surged through her" 0o card %as necessary" +he understood" #here %as so$ething touching about the %ay 'ark e)pressed hi$self by thoughtful acts rather than %ords" +he'd learned that %hen he surprised her by shipping out her piano" Carol %atched %ith the curiosity of a s$all bird( her eyes bright %ith interest as Christy lifted the bou/uet fro$ its %rappings" A card fluttered to the floor" +he picked it up and sa% a na$e scra%led in 'ark's hand%riting2 Carol. Christy kne% her face colored a little( and her throat felt constricted" +elf, centered idiot to i$agine the girlish posies %ere $eant for you7 A soundless &oice breathed the accusation( and robotlike she handed the card and the flo%ers to Carol" Ho% could one feel so tortured in front of a fi&e,year,old %ithout access to tears or at least a change of e)pression: 3!addy has sent you a birthday bou/uet" Isn't it lo&ely:3 +he got the %ords out at last" Carol accepted the flo%ers and held the$ as if they $ight break" #hen she opened the card and studied it intently" Christy kne% she struggled bet%een %anting to kno% %hat her father had %ritten or sharing the $essage %ith her step$other" 3I can't read it(3 she ad$itted finally and handed it to Christy %ho knelt do%n and held the card so Carol could see( running her fingers under the %ords as she read aloud2 3!ear punkin( I'$ sending these flo%ers to tell you I'$ thinking of you on your birthday e&en though I can't be %ith you" I $ust go to L"A" on business and can't return until late tonight" But I'll be ho$e to$orro%( and %e'll spend the %hole day together" #hink of so$e things you %ould like to do" Lo&e and a hug( daddy"3 Carol focused accusing eyes on Christy" 3You pro$ised"3 3I kno%" I'$ sorry it turned out this %ay"3 It %as irrational to feel guilt( but she did" Carol took a nap then %ith the bou/uet beside her and 'ark's pro$issory note gripped in one tight little fist" 1or a second the posture of the sleeping child re$inded her of !a&y( and the agony of the $e$ory rose once again to tor$ent her" 3Help $e to keep 'ark's child safe(3 she prayed( then added a special plea for bu$bling step$others" +he %ent to ice the cake( and after%ard %rapped the $usic bo) and tied it %ith a ribbon" *erhaps a present to open and fi&e candles to blo% out %ould help ease Carol's disappoint$ent" +he'd barely finished %hen Ryan stopped by %ith a do en roses in one hand and a bundle of $usic under an ar$" 3Hey( you're up and about73 he cried %ith surprise" 36aren told us you ca$e do%n %ith a nasty &irus" 5e all $issed you last night( darlin'"3 Last night: Christy stared and for a $o$ent %ondered %hat happened to the part of her brain that housed her $e$ory" Catherina's $atinee $ust ha&e occurred a thousand years ago( not yesterday" 3Co$e in( Ryan" 4ust a false alar$( I guess" I'$ all right no%"3 He follo%ed her into the kitchen( %here she found a &ase and took a little ti$e to arrange the flo%ers" 'y( $y( %hat a day for the florist7 3Ho% did you kno% I adore sal$on,colored roses: Aren't you a delight:3 3-h( I'$ fre/uently a delight( or ha&en't you noticed: It's part of $y sur&i&al kit( you kno%"3 He set

do%n the $usic( appropriated the frosting bo%l and began to spoon up the lea&ings" #ell, I can certainly use some roses today, Christy thought" 3#hey're beautiful and I thank you" And %hat %ould you be doing %ith all that $usic( 'r" -'Rourke:3 He grinned and it %ar$ed the roo$" 3-h( I ;ust happened to bring along the ne% $usical I'$ considering for our ne)t production"3 He set do%n the bo%l" 3+o$eone's birthday:3 3Carol( 'ark's little daughter( and I %on't be able to take on anything $ore for a %hile"3 He nodded and studied her /uite candidly for a $o$ent" 3I understand( but do $e a fa&or and look it o&er any%ay" At least( you can gi&e $e an opinion" I &alue your ;udg$ent"3 Christy %as al%ays surprised at his eyes( e)actly the sa$e deep blue as 'ark's" +trange ho% eyes the sa$e color could be so different" Ryan's glinted %ith /uicksil&er lights( pro&ocati&e( co$passionate( or %ith little,boy innocence( and so$eti$es like a cat about to pounce on a $ouse" 'ark's %ere unfailingly steady as if lit up fro$ %ithin and often %ar$ %ith /uiet a$use$ent" 3Isn't the big inter&ie% in Los Angeles co$ing up soon:3 3Last 1riday of this $onth" I'&e been boning up for it"3 36eep $e posted"3 3Ha&e you e&er kno%n $e to keep $y $outh shut:3 Carol %alked into the roo$ then( her cheeks flushed fro$ the nap" 35ell( bless $e if it's not a princess(3 Ryan said and flashed her a brilliant s$ile" Christy $ade introductions and puttered around the kitchen %hile Ryan talked /uietly %ith Carol( gi&ing her his entire attention( and %ho could resist that( Christy thought" After a %hile he in&ited Carol to sit %ith hi$ at the piano and sho%ed her ho% to play t%o easy chords" #hen he sang an a$using song about a co%ardly teddy bear" In a fe% $inutes he had her chording the si$ple acco$pani$ent as he indicated the changes" Her eyes sparkled at their splendid perfor$ance( and for the first ti$e Christy heard Carol laugh aloud" #he child %as clearly beda led" 3Happy birthday( princess(3 Ryan said after they'd caught their breath" Carol's s$ile &anished and she ducked her head" 3'y daddy can't co$e"3 Christy e)plained" Ryan pro$ptly pointed his nose to%ard the kitchen and rapturously inhaled the aro$a fro$ the freshly baked cake" 3In&ite $e( princess" I can co$e" Al%ays celebrate a birthday on a birthday" ?uote2 the fa$ous -'Rourke Rule for Happy Birthdays"3 Carol s$iled as if she'd ;ust been handed the key to a $agic door" +he turned to Christy" 3-kay:3 she asked" Christy considered" #here %ere enough co$plications in this household %ithout adding another" +till( today Carol of all people could use the -'Rourke birthday rule" 3All right(3 she said but looked sternly at Ryan" 3-n one condition" You $ust bring so$eone else" #ry 6aren or 'argo( preferably acco$panied by assorted kindergarteners" -ther%ise( no( Ryan" I $ean it"3 Ryan pulled a long face" 30o% %hat's %rong %ith plain old $e: !on't you reali e $obs corrode /uality:3 Christy raised her eyebro%s" 3-h( sure" #he fa$ous -'Rourke La% of ?uality73 3You bet7 And I adore ladies( all ages7 'oreo&er( I'$ a resourceful con&ersationalist and an outstanding co$panion" Right( princess:3 He %inked at Carol( and she nodded enthusiastic agree$ent" Christy s$iled in spite of herself" 3#hat's the %hole proble$" <oodbye( Ryan"3 3I get it" Here's,your,hat,and,%hat's,your,hurry ti$e(3 he said %ith e)aggerated in;ury and ga&e Carol a snappy salute" 3I like 'r" -'Rourke(3 Carol said %hen Ryan had gone" 3He's fun( and he thinks I'$ a princess"3 +he giggled" And %ith rare $agic has turned you into a real li&e little girl( Christy thought( not %ithout en&y" +he considered the $enu for the e&ening and %ondered if she should try to prepare so$ething $ore special than lasagna but decided the pasta dish %ould do" At least( there %ould be plenty" +he put it in the o&en and hurried Carol upstairs" 3Into the tub and $ake it snappy" A princess should look the part"3 5hile the e)cited child splashed in her bubble bath( Christy looked through Carol's %ardrobe and %ondered again at the do%dy collection" #he decision rested bet%een a plain blue,checked gingha$ or a dis$al orchid print %ith a %rinkled %hite organdy pinafore" 5ith a fe% careful snips she detached the pinafore( then rushed to press it %ith the stea$ iron" 0ot bad" 0o% the pinafore stood out in pleasing fullness and turned the blue gingha$ into a perky

fe$inine ense$ble" +he helped Carol into the dress( brushed her sandy hair neatly up into a ponytail and tied it %ith a blue bo% that e)actly $atched her eyes" 35hat do you kno%73 Christy cried" 3I guess 'r" -'Rourke kno%s a princess %hen he sees one73 Carol %ent to the $irror and stared at her reflection" +he patted the fluffy skirt of her pinafore al$ost re&erently( then turned to Christy" 35hy( you $ade $e look pretty(3 she said shyly"' Christy looked at the s$all shining face" +he took a deep breath and caught the sudden %hiff of lasagna" It s$elled hea&enly" Christy hurried back to the kitchen( %ashed so$e greens for a salad and buttered a loaf of garlic bread" +he decided to ser&e buffet to acco$$odate the uncertain nu$ber of guests and %ondered %ith a touch of e)cite$ent %ho$ Ryan %ould co$$andeer for the occasion" *ro$ptly at si) o'clock the doorbell rang( and Ryan greeted her( his hands ;oined in a &ictory salute" <eoff( the young dentist %ho had sung the lead $ale role in Catherina, follo%ed and Christy %as relie&ed to see that he had in to% his t%o young sons( Robbie and 6ent" #he little boys looked to be around four and si) years of age( their hair coerced into place %ith so $uch %ater that driblets ran do%n in front of their ears" #hey stood looking at Christy and Carol %ith the un%a&ering grins of t%o cherub heads done in plaster" 35elco$e(3 Christy said and introduced Carol to <eoff and the boys" 3It's $ar&elous of you to co$e at the last $inute"3 3You'd better belie&e it's $ar&elous73 <eoff cried" 3'y %ife is at her $other's for a fe% days( and %e'&e e)isted on %all,to,%all #= dinners"3 Christy $ade a face" 3And I thought you ca$e for the co$pany"3 30o%ay" 1ood( %o$an( food73 <eoff teased" Ryan plopped so$e cra y hats on the children and took the$ outside" 3Co$e on( you $ad hatters( see if you can follo% the leader"3 -&er the shouts and laughter Christy heard Ryan con&ince the youngsters to scale the 'atterhorn( %alk the plank( skulk through a forest and e&entually descend &ia hang glider onto the patio %here <eoff set up a portable tether ball" #hen the $en left the children to their ga$e and ca$e back inside" <eoff slu$ped into a chair" 35hat are you trying to do( $an: 5in the decathlon:3 Ryan fle)ed an ar$" 3Big,$uscle coordination7 *erfect for pent,up energy" 0ot bad for pro$oting instant fello%ship( either"3 He ;erked a thu$b to%ard the ani$ated chatter on the patio" Christy handed the$ gin and tonics" 3Angel73 they chorused" #hank <od for a Ryan in her life( Christy thought" He brought a slice of sanity into this house" +he kne% he harbored old agonies as real as hers( but he didn't %a&e the$ around like flags as she see$ed to do" Instead( his good hu$or flo%ed as though it %ere piped in fro$ so$e &ast reser&oir" If hilarity %ere the criterion( the party %as a rousing success" Carol( color high( ponytail bobbing( ob&iously relished her ne% look and played %ith Robbie and 6ent as if she had kno%n the$ al%ays" After dinner she and Ryan perfor$ed their song about the co%ardly teddy bear and had to repeat it se&eral ti$es for their appreciati&e audience" #hen Carol ble% out the candles on her cake" +he thanked Christy pri$ly for the $usic bo) but clung to the enor$ous teddy bear fro$ the $en and boys for the rest of the e&ening" Later Ryan helped Christy clear the table and carry the dishes into the kitchen" 30e&er $ind( I'll finish the$ later(3 she said" All at once she felt e)hausted and %ished e&eryone %ould lea&e so she could clean up the $ess and get to bed before 'ark returned" 5hen she thought about it( she %as pretty sure 'ark %ould not appro&e of the %ay she handled Carol's birthday" 3You hardly touched your dinner(3 Ryan said" J '!idn't I: 5ell9"3 3As a $atter of fact( you look pale" Are you sure you're o&er that &irus:3 His &oice softened" 3-r still trying to deal %ith past gre$lins( darlin':3 Christy ga&e scrupulous attention to each dish as she rinsed and stacked it" +he didn't %ant any $ore e$otional sessions %ith Ryan( especially no%" 'ark %as probably on his %ay ho$e fro$ +an 1rancisco this &ery $inute" 3It's been a long day(3 she said" 3I guess Catherina %as $ore de$anding than I reali ed" #hat tyrant of a director( you kno%"3 3Hooha7 I don't think so" You're /uite capable of handling ho$e and career" I'&e %atched you %ork( you kno%( organi ed to the hilt" All those lists73 He stood holding a tray of glasses and frankly sur&eyed her" #he set of his bro%s( the golden tan of his face and the $odishly styled blond beard all see$ed to e$phasi e his blue eyes %ith their probing e)pression" #hen he broke into an elo/uent s$ile that

ackno%ledged his o%n ingenuity" 35ell( %hat do you kno%7 I'll bet our little Christy is pregnant73 +he couldn't pre&ent a telltale flush" 3Ryan( the congenital seer(3 she $uttered and %ished she could ha&e s/uelched his accurate guess %ith a sophisticated retort" He set do%n the tray( grabbed her hand and pulled her into the li&ing roo$" #he children sat in front of the tele&ision engrossed in a ro%dy co%boy $o&ie tuned up to i$possible decibels" 0ot in the least inti$idated by the co$petition( <eoff beat out ragti$e on the piano" 31anfare ti$e73 Ryan shouted" A rather redundant re/uest( Christy thought( considering the uproar" 3Hey( $an( %ould you like to hear about a nifty ne% co$ing attraction:3 Ryan cried" <eoff rolled his eyes /uestioningly but continued to play" 3A blessed e&ent starring our &ery o%n Christy73 Ryan bello%ed o&er the din" <eoff flashed a %ide grin and $ade a precarious $odulation into a syncopated &erson of 3Rockaby Baby"3 Ryan danced Christy carefully around the roo$ %hile the children shouted encourage$ent to the co%boys( or $aybe to the Indians( and co$pletely ignored the three adults" At that $o$ent the door opened( and 'ark %alked in( then fell back as if blasted by the pande$oniu$" His face said /uite plainly2 #hat the devil is going on here, Christy stepped out of Ryan's ar$s( $ade introductions and e)plained the i$pro$ptu party in a breathless freshet of sentences" It beca$e one of those situations %hen the &oice %ent on and on( acco$panied by ineffectual gestures %hile the point gre% $ore and $ore obscure" +he kne% e&eryone %ished she %ould hush" 'ean%hile Carol hopped up and do%n( i$patient to sho% her presents to her father( and so$e%hat tardily the $en e)changed handshakes" 3Congratulations( 'ark" 5e'&e ;ust heard the good ne%s" Hope it's a girl( carbon copy of Christy(3 Ryan said heartily" 'ark's face $ade a lightning shift to that shuttered e)pression Christy had recently co$e to kno%" 3#hanks(3 he said curtly and shot Christy a look charged %ith rebuke" Christy felt her heart thud hea&ily like a sodden $op as she %atched Ryan's eyes ski$ irre&erently bet%een her and 'ark" Ryan %as the only person she kne% %ho could act both char$ing and brutal at the sa$e $o$ent" +udden bloodcurdling %ar %hoops fro$ the #= inspired Carol( Robbie and 6ent to encircle 'ark and attack hi$ %ith the giant teddy bear" Ryan( sa&oir faire intact( thanked Christy for preparing his fa&orite dinner and put on his ;acket( hu$$ing 3He's a $ale,chau&inist father figure(3 one of Catherines hit tunes" Ryan %ould be incapable of an a%k%ard e)it( Christy told herself" He %as too %ell endo%ed %ith a sense of theater" <eoff corralled his sons( congratulated 'ark once $ore( and after an eternity they left" Christy turned off the tele&ision and felt stunned by the silence" +he %ent to tidy the kitchen %hile 'ark sa% Carol off to bed" By the ti$e she %as through( 'ark snapped his sheets on the sofa" +he paused on the stair landing until he finished" 3I'$ sorry you had to find out that %ay"3 3I'$ surprised to find out at all" I think a little e)planation is due( right:3 He looked re$ote( in;ured( accusing" 35ell( the fact is( I concei&ed al$ost i$$ediately"3 3I$$ediately73 he cried astounded" 3Ho% far along are you( if you don't $ind $y asking:3 He flung the /uestion at her as if he %ere an attorney for the prosecution" +he'd ne&er i$agined he could turn into such a stranger" 3<oing on four $onths according to the doctor"3 Her throat felt so dry her %ords sounded strangled" 31our $onths73 He dropped a pillo% into place( and his shoulders sagged" 3But last 1ebruary you told $e you %eren't pregnant"3 3I didn't kno% then" I found out %hile you %ere in -regon"3 He thre% a blanket across the sheets" 35hy didn't you tell $e( for <od's sake: I don't like egg on $y face( Christy" I'$ certain -'Rourke sensed you hadn't yet told $e"3 3-h( no7 Ho% could he: Any%ay( Ryan's a tease" He guessed $y condition only a fe% $inutes before you arri&ed( and I ad$itted it"3 +he paused" 3I did try to tell you se&eral ti$es"3 'ark's face looked pinched" 3-h( you did: 5hen:3 3!oes it $atter: You %ere so busy I hated to bother you" After all( you $ade it rather plain you %eren't ready for the ne%s at this point"3 He shook his head( thre% up his hands( %alked o&er and looked gra&ely do%n at her" 3-h( Christy( $y dear( %hat an a%ful burden I placed on you" A lot of things suddenly add up" I %ish you'd told $e" I feel like a heel( you kno%"3

His sudden kindness brought tears to her eyes" +he looked a%ay( $anaged a shrug and( %illed herself to look detached" 3It's no big deal(3 she said" He $o&ed his lips silently as if he %ere trying to for$ %ords( and they %ouldn't take shape" 30o big deal:3 he asked finally and sounded %eary" 3I suppose I can understand that( although it's hard to accept" If your condition had so$e rele&ancy to our li&es( you'd be $ore concerned about sharing such an inti$ate detail"3 He ga&e a t%isted s$ile( and she had to look a%ay again" 3Inti$ate is not a %ord I %ould choose to describe our relationship( 'ark"3 3Right on(3 he said dryly" 3+haring the body is easy co$pared to sharing one's inner self"3 +he turned to go upstairs" 3<ood night(3 she said" 5hat else %as there to say: He'd said it all" +he got ready for bed and tried not to succu$b to the bullying of her e$otions" Life %ould not ha&e beco$e so co$plicated had she been able to hold onto her lifeti$e con&iction2 Rule %ith the head( not %ith the heart" 0e&er( ne&er could she allo% hi$ to learn ;ust ho% rele&ant he and their child had beco$e to her" Her eyes felt grainy %ith fatigue( and a hard little knot at the base of her neck see$ed to radiate tension throughout her body" At last she fell into troubled drea$s( %here lights floated around like distant stars" #hen they con&erged into pairs and hurtled to%ard her( $onstrous trucks that roared fro$ all directions" +he screa$ed and co&ered her ears to shut out the ine&itable screech of brakes and shatter of glass" 30o( no73 she heard herself cry out o&er and o&er" Her throat gre% ra%( but she couldn't stop" -r %as that her &oice( after all: *erhaps it %as the noisy %eeping of her infla$ed ner&es" #hen so$eone gripped her shoulders" 3Christy( darling( %ake up73 At least( she thought 'ark said that" +o$eti$es the longing of one's heart fra$ed %ords for the $ind" 'ark sponged her face %ith a da$p cloth( and at last she stopped crying" 3+orry(3 she said" 3It's that terrible night$are again"3 3I kno%"3 He handed her a glass of %ater and a couple of aspirins" +he s%allo%ed the$ and lay back on her pillo%" He sat on the edge of the bed"3+top bla$ing yourself( Christy" 0o one else does"3 3I $ust gi&e the baby to Beth( you kno%( or this night$are %ill happen e&ery night for the rest of $y life(3 she said as if e)plaining it to hi$ for the first ti$e" But the solution( %hich at first see$ed so &alid( set off her sobs again" 'ark cra%led in beside her then and folded her close" 5ithout speaking( they clung together" His e$brace beca$e for her the %ords of co$fort he did not utter8 it beca$e strength to be dra%n upon( the feeling of e$otion shared( the caring touch not necessarily se)ual" A person did not need such %ar$th fro$ another hu$an being( she'd al%ays $aintained" 5ell( she %as %rong" 'ark had opened that door" It %as one of life's pri$e needs( and she kne% she'd al%ays longed for it" +he'd ne&er thought to $ake such an ad$ission" A sudden %ail fro$ across the hall tore at the silence( and they lifted their heads a little to listen" 3It's Carol" All this co$$otion" I'&e probably frightened her(3 Christy said and reluctantly dre% out of his ar$s" 'ark got up" 3I'll go see"3 Had he $uttered an oath: +he couldn't be sure" !ro%sily she heard their $uffled &oices and thought about 'ark's co$passion" It had been a long ti$e since she felt such content$ent" 5hen she %oke the ne)t $orning( 'ark %as not beside her( and she %ondered if it had all been a part of her drea$"

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHRI+#Y +A# >0!ER #HE +YCA'-RE at the park( an unopened book in her lap" +he leaned against the $ottled trunk and %atched Carol a fe% feet a%ay feeding ducks at the edge of the s$all lake" +he should ha&e gone ho$e an hour ago( but the perfu$e of spring grasses( the glistening %ater and the unaffected char$ of the scene before her all enfolded her in hypnotic so$nolence" At ti$es like this she set herself free fro$ all that had happened to her" Here she could pretend she %as a happily $arried %o$an %ho looked for%ard %ith elation to the birth of her first child" #he raucous protest of the ducks announced the end of Carol's bounty" Reluctantly Christy took the little girl's hand( and they hurried the three blocks ho$e to find 'ark and Ryan leaning against Ryan's car in the dri&e%ay" #he t%o $en %ere in earnest con&ersation" Apparently the topic %as the pending la%suit against

'ark's co$pany" 'ark hadn't $entioned it for so long Christy had al$ost put it out of her $ind" 3You girls %ant to get a crying to%el and ;oin us:3 Ryan asked cheerfully" 3#hat bad:3 Christy said" 'ark looked glu$" 3#hat bad"3 #he literal Carol ran for a hand to%el and happily planted herself bet%een her fa&orite $en" 3#he latest ru$or is they're going to hire one of +an 1rancisco's pro$inent trial la%yers and up the suit another fifty thousand(3 'ark said" Christy felt ill" 'ark's business faced certain financial ruin if he lost" 3I don't think there's a chance in the %orld for the plaintiff to collect that a$ount(3 Ryan said" 'ark shook his head" 3-ur insurance $an isn't opti$istic" He says %hene&er a child is in&ol&ed( look out73 3Are %e going to be poor( daddy:3 Carol asked" 'ark patted her head" 35e'll $anage( punkin"3 30ot to %orry( darlin'" Your dad can rent Christy out at the hotel piano bar on %eekends(3 Ryan said" As usual( 'ark didn't find Ryan's ;okes a$using" Ryan see$ed to si e up 'ark's de;ection" 3'aybe I shouldn't say so( 'ark( but I think you're o&erreacting" Yours is not a ;ury trial( and the ;udges in this to%n are kno%n for fair decisions" #his Boggs character %ho is suing has a poor reputation" He's been in court for drunk dri&ing and %as cited for cheating on une$ploy$ent,insurance clai$s" You see( I'&e done so$e ho$e%ork"3 3#hat sort of thing isn't ad$issible in court( Ryan"3 3#rue( but I say he's gone too far" It's insane to sue for so $uch o&er a broken leg( and I'll bet the ;udge agrees"3 'ark didn't look i$pressed" 35ell( I %on't dra% a free breath until it's o&er" You're our only hope( -'Rourke"3 3I'll be there %ith bells on" In fact( I'$ looking for%ard to $atching %its %ith that high,po%ered attorney"3 Ryan reached into his car and pulled out a package" 3Abalone" #here %as a good tide yesterday so I got a li$it" *ound the$ as you do round steak( or you'll not be able to che% the$"3 He cli$bed into the car" 3I'll be off( and don't lose any sleep o&er all this" I'$ sure e&erything %ill turn out okay"3 3Easy for hi$ to say(3 'ark said as they %ent into the house" 3I doubt if he'd act so unperturbed if he %ere sued instead of us"3 Christy didn't agree( but she said nothing" Ryan took a philosophic &ie% of $ost situations" All e)cept Rockledge( she corrected herself and re$e$bered his inter&ie% ca$e up in a couple of %eeks" Christy put out dishes and sil&er for Carol to set the table( then pounded and floured the round %hite slices of abalone" 'ark looked on gloo$ily" 3Has a date been set for the trial:3 she asked" 30ot yet" It $ay not co$e up for a couple of $onths" It %ould be ;ust $y luck to ha&e it coincide %ith the arri&al of the Australians"3 3I'll keep $y fingers crossed for you"3 3And speaking of luck( out of the entire population in this to%n( %hy did I dra% Ryan -'Rourke as $y star %itness:3 35hy( 'ark7 I can't think of anyone I'd rather ha&e on $y side"3 3I'$ a%are of that"3 3He's articulate( brilliant( %itty" He'll $ake a superb %itness"3 3You're absolutely right" I guess the thing that annoys $e is that it see$s that articulate( brilliant( %itty $an is al%ays poking his nose into $y business"3 If she hadn't kno%n better( she %ould ha&e thought he %as ;ealous" 3It's not like you to be petty( 'ark(3 she said" A1#ER !I00ER #HA# E=E0I0< he handed her an en&elope that contained an in&itation to an a%ards, luncheon at the 1air$ont" It appeared to be arranged by a state business$en's organi ation" 3Care to go:3 he asked casually" 3Lunch in +an 1rancisco: !o you ha&e to ask: I'd lo&e it7 Are you recei&ing an a%ard:3 3+o I'$ told" You kno% these affairs( a%ards for e&eryone fro$ the guy %ho reduced energy consu$ption ten dollars' %orth to the third assistant %ho helped arrange the annual Christ$as party"3 But she finally %or$ed out of hi$ that he'd been elected Business$an of the Year"

3'ark( ho% $ar&elous7 #hat's %onderful" I'$ so happy for you"3 He grinned( apparently pleased at her enthusias$" 3If you'd like( %e could stay o&er in the e&ening for a play or so$ething" I see in the Chronicle that =an Cliburn is in to%n" I'll get tickets if you %ish"3 3=an Cliburn7 -h( 'ark( that's fabulous"3 +he hadn't been to a single concert of a $a;or artist since she left 0e% York( nor had they dined in any of +an 1rancisco's fine restaurants" 'ark %as such a %orkaholic that( e)cept for the endless affairs for his clients( their social life had been practically nil . not that she felt cheated" 5hen she thought about it( she had been pretty busy herself" 3-kay( I'll arrange it" I'&e had $y nose to the grindstone %hat %ith the la%suit co$ing up( and I kno% you'&e been %orking hard planning that daylong tour for the 4apanese in a couple of %eeks" I think %e could use a change of scenery"3 Christie couldn't belie&e %hat a lift she felt fro$ anticipating the +an 1rancisco e)cursion" It %as as if a lot of dor$ant hor$ones suddenly sho&ed her into high gear" +he baked up a stor$ . chocolate,chip cookies for Carol and cinna$on rolls for 'ark . then %ashed all the %indo%s( $e$ori ed t%o Bach preludes and constructed #inkertoy spaceships %ith Carol" +he bought a stunning ne% outfit( a pale pink %ool( a gorgeous color( %ith a ;acket so cle&erly cut that if she stood or sat absolutely straight( no one %ould guess she %as pregnant" And yesterday a &isit to the hairstylist rounded out her preparations" 5hat hea&en to go to a real li&e concert again7 Ho% positi&ely super to eat a $eal that she didn't ha&e to prepare herself" 'ark appro&ed the ne% suit %hen she sho%ed it to hi$" 34ust a country girl getting set for her first trip to the city(3 he teased" +he $ade a face" 3Ho% dare you talk that %ay to a 0e% Yorker73 He grinned and( instead of returning as usual to his endless paper%ork( follo%ed her into the kitchen( offering to test the cookie dough and generally $anaging to stay underfoot" 3Hey( you ha&e flour all o&er your chin(3 he said and( picking up a tea to%el( reached o&er and %iped off the s$udge" #hen he put the to%el aside and fra$ed her face in his hands" +he held her breath" 1or a $o$ent she thought he %ould kiss her" 3*regnancy beco$es you( Christy(3 he said" +he al$ost burst into tears" It %as the first ti$e he'd ackno%ledged her condition since he'd learned of it" Her spirits soared at the s$all sign of acceptance" +he had %ondered continually about his attitude" It hurt $ore than she cared to ad$it" 'aybe he hoped the predica$ent %ould go a%ay if they ignored it( she thought %ryly" Arrange$ents for a sitter %ere $ade( a grand$otherly %ido% %ho li&ed in the to%n,house co$ple)" #hey hadn't left Carol %ith a sitter since she'd co$e to li&e %ith the$( so Christy took her o&er during the %eek to get ac/uainted" 1riday $orning Carol %atched the preparations to lea&e( her eyes %ide and doleful like those poster children %ho ga ed at one so pitifully" 35hy can't I go %ith you:3 she asked" 3I don't %ant to stay %ith that lady" Her eyebro%s t%itch at $e" +he doesn't like $e"3 3-f course( she likes you" You'll ha&e fun together" 5hy( she plans to take you to the park this afternoon(3 Christy said and dashed off to $ake a list for the sitter2 sand%iches for lunch already %rapped in the fridge and Carol's fa&orite casserole on the botto$ shelf for dinner" All %as ready" 'rs" Baker( the sitter( %as to arri&e at ten" At nine,forty,fi&e( as if precisely planned and scheduled( Carol bent double and began to %ail" It %as the $ost pathetic sound Christy e&er heard" 'ark ran to scoop her up into his ar$s" 35hat on earth is the $atter( punkin:3 #he child didn't ans%er" +he sobbed( sur&i&ed a fit of &iolent coughing( then collapsed into a series of shuddering $oans" 'ark rocked her against hi$" 35here do you hurt( s%eetheart:3 3'y sto$ach" It hurts a%ful73 +he bent o&er again( caught Christy's eye( then added( 34ust like at the %edding"3 3<ood Lord( you ha&en't taken any $edicine( ha&e you:3 He looked frantically at Christy" 3Has she:3 he de$anded" 30ot that I kno% of" 5e ha&e no antihista$ines in the house" Any%ay( I keep all our $edicines out of reach"3 #his %as a production if she'd e&er seen one" Apparently Carol recei&ed at least one talent fro$ her $other" Carol dug her head into her father's shoulder" 3!on't lea&e $e( daddy( please don't lea&e $e"3 'ark looked %orriedly up at Christy( %ho couldn't belie&e it %as all happening" 3I guess %e'd better not go(3 he said" 3#here are so$e suspicious parallels here"3 Christy ran for the ther$o$eter and took the child's te$perature" 3Look( it's nor$al" +he probably

suffers fro$ an ordinary sto$ach upset" +he's prone to the$8 you kno% that" I'$ sure 'rs" Baker can handle it"3 Carol started to cry again( and 'ark shook his head" 35e'd better not"3 3But %hat about your a%ard: #hey're e)pecting you(3 Christy cried" 30o proble$" I'll call the hotel and alert the$"3 0ut the luncheon$ *nd the concert$ I want to go, 3ar&. Can't you see this child is putting on an act to &eep you here, #he %ords pounded inside her head( and it %as all she could do to keep herself fro$ screa$ing the$ at hi$" By that ti$e 'rs" Baker had arri&ed and %as sent back ho$e" 'ark said again ho% they dared not take a chance" 'aybe Carol %asn't &ery sick( but she certainly needed their support and co$fort" After all( her hysteria %as natural( considering the trau$atic e)perience at the hospital" Christy said nothing" +he felt asha$ed of herself" 'ark %as right( of course" #he child %as certainly hysterical( and no doubt the sto$achache %as real enough( too" E&en though she %as sure Carol played her %oes to the hilt( Christy %as appalled at her o%n reaction" Her ;udg$ent %as far fro$ infallible" *ainfully she recalled once again the terrible day she o&errode Beth's %ishes"

Apparently e)hausted( Carol fell asleep in 'ark's lap" He didn't $o&e until she a%akened about t%enty $inutes later" +he appeared bright and cheerful once $ore and i$$ediately challenged her father to a ga$e of checkers" 'ean%hile Christy %ent to the bedroo$ and changed out of her beautiful suit( then $arched do%nstairs and set up the ironing board" It %as the one household chore she hated( but it suited her day to perfection" +he slung the iron back and forth as if she intended to rip and scorch e&ery gar$ent" !a$n" 4ust look at the$" 5hat a t%oso$e they $ade( co$pletely obli&ious to anyone else in the %orld" Apparently 'ark didn't recall he fathered another child" In fact( he barely ackno%ledged it. +he ironed her tears( and they spit back at her" <od( she hated being the outsider( the nasty step$other( the untouchable one" 5ell( she al$ost had a day in Ca$elot" At least( the anticipation %as %orth re$e$bering" #HEY +E##LE! BAC6 into the old routine" 0othing had changed" 'ark buried hi$self in his %ork8 they didn't say $uch to one another( and he still slept on the sofa" But %ith Carol there follo%ed a period of friendly truce after the stor$y 1riday $orning" 5hat a likable child hid inside that per&erse little body( Christy thought and caught gli$pses of the kind of young %o$an %ho $ight e$erge so$eday( not pro&ocati&e and e)uberant like !arcy( but i$aginati&e and co$posed( %ith 'ark's intelligent blue eyes" -h( you're so $ar&elous( Christy" All that self,control has finally paid off7 'ore likely Carol had decided to accept the ine&itable" Any%ay( Christy felt grateful for the reprie&e and %ondered ho% long it %ould last" +he hadn't told Carol about the baby yet( and since 'ark still acted as if they %eren't going to ha&e one( she decided to %ait at least until her figure called for e)planations" #here had been a perfect opportunity to tell Carol one $orning last %eek( but at the ti$e Christy felt so shaken there %as no %ay she could ha&e done it" #hey %ere in the parking lot of a $arket %hen it happened( an act so ordinary that it %ould ha&e been /uickly forgotten" 35ould you $ind holding $y baby a $inute %hile I get the buggy out of the car:3 a young neighbor %o$an asked and i$$ediately thrust the child into Christy's ar$s" #he tiny for$ snuggled against her in perfect trust" Christy inhaled the s%eet fragrance of the little head and i$pulsi&ely laid her cheek against it" #he baby s$iled and cooed softly" Christy's &ision blurred( and a slo% tre$bling began deep inside her" I want to &eep my baby and hold it li&e this, she ad$itted" I want to watch it grow and learn. I want it to

need me and to hear it call me mother. +he'd subli$ated the traitorous desires for $onths( but no% she faced the$" 5ith all her heart she longed for 'ark to take a stand2 35e'll not gi&e our child a%ay" 5e'll assu$e our obligations as parents( and %e'll do it together"3 And she %ould agree %ith hi$" *assionately" #here had been $o$ents %hen fleetingly( ;ust for a second( she thought 'ark $ight &oice the %ish" But of course( it couldn't happen" +he'd e)tracted 'ark's pro$ise to gi&e their baby to Richard and Beth" As for herself( she'd $ade a fir$ &o% of her o%n" Any%ay( such daydrea$s had fli$sy foundations" 'ark %as so preoccupied %ith i$portant things like franchises( Australian facts and figures( not to $ention Carol and !arcy( that he ne&er ga&e a thought to their child" At that $o$ent Carol begged to see the infant( and Christy %as glad for the di&ersion of stooping and arranging the child's blanket" Carol s/uealed %ith delight %hen the baby gripped a finger in its di$inuti&e fist( and all the %ay ho$e she chatted continuously" 5hy didn't it ha&e teeth: Could it eat %ithout the$: 5hen %ould it be old enough to play %ith her: And %asn't its hair soft and silky: Later %hen Christy put the groceries a%ay( she reali ed she'd only purchased half the ite$s on her list" Accusing &oices harassed her %ith /uestions she dared not ans%er" 0o% she kne% she $ust ha&e been either incredibly nai&e or co$pletely insensiti&e %hen she chose to beco$e pregnant" Ho% could she ha&e regarded pregnancy as an abstract $edical condition: Ho% had she i$agined she could i$personally re$o&e herself fro$ the life in her %o$b: "ou've got to stop thin&ing about it, she ordered and pulled out a sheet of paper to %rite a letter to her sister" But she couldn't get started" If she re&ealed her pregnancy( Beth $ight go into depression at the contrast of her o%n barren condition" In a fe% $ore $onths there %ill be an ans%er for you( Beth( Christy thought and buried her head in her ar$s"

CHAPTER NINETEEN
+HA1#+ -1 LI<H# pierced the deep shade of the red%ood gro&e and fell on Christy's notes as she spoke to the group of 4apanese tourists no% gathered around her" 3Can you belie&e that so$e of these trees date back to the ti$e of the Egyptian pyra$ids( and others %ere $ature %hen 4i$$u( your first e$peror( ca$e to the throne in EEK B"C":3 #he group stood in respectful silence and ga ed up at the graceful cathedral colu$ns %ith their parasollike e&ergreen tops" A pri$ordial e)perience( Christy thought and for a $o$ent allo%ed the uni/ue serenity of the place to o&ershado% the upsetting telephone $essage she'd recei&ed early this $orning" As if that %eren't enough to spoil the day( there appeared that a%ful 'r" Haley %ho escorted the tourists fro$ their hotel this $orning and turned the$ o&er to her a short %hile ago" He stood no% a little apart( ready to challenge her facts as he had fro$ the $inute she got on the bus and began to lecture" It had been se&eral %eeks ago that 'ark gratefully handed o&er the task of organi ing the daylong trip after she offered" 3Arrange any sight,seeing you belie&e $ight interest people fro$ their part of the %orld" I understand that $ost of the$ are fluent in English so you'll ha&e no language proble$" -urs is their last stop before they fly ho$e" I e)pect they %ill be pretty %ell ;aded by the ti$e they get to us" #hey spend a %eek in +an 1rancisco before they co$e here( and there's no %ay %e can co$pete %ith cable cars( <hirardelli +/uare and the gardens and $useu$s in <olden <ate *ark( but good luck"3 Christy disagreed" An e)cursion a%ay fro$ cro%ded city attractions could be ;ust the change a ;aded sightseer $ight %elco$e" 3>nfortunately I ha&e to fly to Eureka that %eek( but I'll return in ti$e to ;oin you for dinner" It %ill be

catered at the +terling 5inery( so end your tour there(3 'ark said" *lanning the itinerary $ade a pleasant di&ersion fro$ Christy's recent( so$e%hat confining( life" +he $entally re&ie%ed the places that intrigued her %hen she first arri&ed in the Red%ood E$pire" Although the rugged shoreline %ith its nu$erous state parks %as one of her fa&orites( she kne% it %as not uni/ue to islanders and instead chose &isits to distincti&e spots all %ithin little $ore than an hour north of +an 1rancisco" #hen she and Carol dro&e the entire route to ti$e the stops and set the pace" As a ne%co$er( she felt apprehensi&e assu$ing the role of guide( so she borro%ed ar$loads of books fro$ the library and $ade copious notes to anticipate /uestions the &isitors $ight ask" By the ti$e the day rolled around( she looked for%ard to $eeting the ten 4apanese couples %ho $ade up the tour group" 'rs" Baker had ;ust arri&ed to stay %ith Carol for the day %hen the telephone rang" It %as 'ark's attorney" 3You can tell your husband that e&erything is set for 1riday after all" #he plaintiff's attorney prefers the earlier date( also"3 3!o you $ean the trial co$es up this 1riday: #he day after to$orro%:3 3Yes( the date opened up une)pectedly on the ;udge's calendar( and your husband hoped it %ould %orkout"3 Christy thanked hi$( then fro e" +he scanned the calendar( hoping desperately to pro&e herself %rong" 1riday the t%enty,se&enth" #he day of Ryan's inter&ie%7 -h( <od" 5hat no%: !id she dare break the ne%s tonight at dinner: Both $en %ould be there" +he didn't %ant to see 'ark's face %hen she told hi$ his $ost i$portant %itness had a crucial inter&ie% in Los Angeles the &ery ti$e he %as supposed to appear in court" #he $en's relationship %as already fragile" #his de&elop$ent %as likely to blo% it sky,high" Her anticipation for the e)cursion had drained a%ay" Ho% could she face the tra&elers %ith co$posure no% that this kno%ledge hung o&er her: +he $et the early,$orning bus in front of the +an 1elipe courthouse at the appointed ti$e" 3#hey're all yours(3 'r" Haley said( introducing hi$self" 3I gotta stick around( though( and see they get back to the hotel tonight"3 #he $an s$elled of stale cigar s$oke( his $ustache needed tri$$ing( and there %as a grease spot on his tie" He see$ed a dubious choice to send %ith these foreign &isitors" 3You a regular tour guide:3 he asked in a raucous &oice as the bus dri&er pulled a%ay fro$ the curb" 30o( I'$ the %ife of one of the local Rotarians(3 she said" 3Reckon you gre% up in these parts( then:3 30o( I'&e li&ed here only a fe% $onths( but . 3 35hat's the $atter %ith +an 1elipe: #oo chint y to hire a pro:3 he interrupted" 3Hell( the +an 1rancisco club %ent all out"3 Christy cringed and looked o&er her shoulder at the t%enty pairs of dark eyes focused on the t%o of the$" +he pointedly lo%ered her &oice" 3Let's discuss this later" I can assure you I a$ %ell prepared"3 #he $an ;erked a thu$b o&er his shoulder" 3!on't %orry" #hese 4aps don't understand $uch"3 His &oice carried at least half%ay back of the bus" 'ost of the$ probably speak better English than you do( she %anted to say" 3Are you a $e$ber of the +an 1rancisco club:3 she asked( %ondering %hy an organi ation %ould select a $an like this to represent the$" 30o $a'a$" +ort of a last,$inute replace$ent( you $ight say" #he' guy originally scheduled had a fa$ily e$ergency this $orning and called $e( real frantic" I'$ a neighbor( a nati&e Californian(3 he said as if that auto$atically /ualified hi$" 3Any ti$e you run out of anything to say( I'll be glad to takeo&er"3 I'll bet, Christy thought and decided that bet%een the t%o of the$ the 4apanese guests $ight %ell %ish they'd re$ained in +an 1rancisco for the day" #he $an $o&ed to the back of the bus and slu$ped in his seat( displaying a bored e)pression as she began to describe their first stop( the Ar$strong Red%oods +tate *ark" 0o% standing here under the $agnificent trees( she kne% she %ould ha&e to try e)tra hard to counteract the $an's disturbing presence" 3#hese !e<uoia sempervirens thri&e in the $isty coastal cli$ate and often gro% three hundred feet high %ith a dia$eter of t%enty feet" -ne tree can furnish enough lu$ber to build a house(3 she said" 'r" Haley %aggled a hand at her" 3<otcha there(3 he said" 3E&erybody kno%s the largest red%ood is the <eneral +her$an #ree( thirty,si) feet in dia$eter"3 Christy's listeners shifted unco$fortably" 3-f course( sir(3 Christy said politely" 3But the <eneral

+her$an #ree belongs to the !e<uoia gigantea species found inland in the +ierras"3 'r" Haley looked at her %ith a $irthless grin" 34ust seein' if you %ere on your toes(3 he said" Christy told the group they had fifteen $ore $inutes before departure ti$e( and they /uickly scattered along the spongy paths( snapping pictures and asking /uestions in subdued &oices( clearly a%ed by the $a;esty of their surroundings" 'rs" #akahashi( a petite %hite,haired lady( %alked beside her( and they stopped to ad$ire the ferns that carpeted the forest floor" #he %o$an na$ed se&eral &arieties( then pointed out a broad,leafed clo&er and delicate o)alis a$ong the fe% plants that could sur&i&e in the dense shade" 3I taught botany in Los Angeles before I retired to -saka(3 she e)plained at Christy's look of surprise" +he patted Christy's ar$" 3!on't $ind that 'r" Haley" You're an e)cellent guide(3 she said" -ne of the $en touched the thick fibrous bark" 3<ood insulation( isn't it:3 3Yes( that's %hy red%oods sur&i&e fire( disease and insects better than any other species( a pri$e reason for their long life"3 +he could use so$e sur&i&al insulation herself( Christy thought as she herded her charges back on the bus and sa% 'r" Haley edge into the front seat so that the couple %ho for$erly sat there started to $o&e to%ard the back" 3*lease take $y place(3 Christy hastily offered" 3I stand to lecture( any%ay"3 -h( Lord %hat %ould that a%ful $an do ne)t: 0ot only did she feel upset by his actions( but her $ind still churned %ith the distressing coincidence of the trial and Ryan's inter&ie% falling on the sa$e day" Already she felt ill at the thought of breaking the ne%s to 'ark tonight( but she forced a s$ile and continued her lecture as the bus headed for the ne)t stop( Luther Burbank's ho$e and gardens" 3#his %i ard of horticulture created and i$pro&ed $ore than eight hundred plants" *erhaps the $ost fa$ous are the +hasta daisy and Burbank potato"3 #o her relief( Haley fell asleep and re$ained on the bus %hile e&eryone got off to &ie% Luther Burbank's plain t%o,story %hite house set a$ong $any of the ne% plant strains he bred" E&eryone returned pro$ptly at the end of the allotted ti$e( chatting about the big spineless edible cactus Burbank took years to de&elop" 0o% they left +anta Rosa( tra&eling east%ard( and entered the narro% =alley of the 'oon( so na$ed by the A$erican author 4ack London" +leek cattle gra ed behind %hite fences( and acres of young &ineyards crept up the hillsides( encroaching on prune and %alnut orchards" It see$ed ob&ious that before $any years California's burgeoning %ine industry %ould take o&er the entire &alley" 3#ired of cities and people( 4ack London yearned for a /uiet place in the country to %rite(3 Christy told her listeners" 3He found this beautiful little &alley and at one ti$e o%ned fourteen hundred acres of it" According to his %ritings he re&eled in the year,round springs and strea$s( the grassy $eado%s( the deep canyons and %oodlands" Ho%e&er( this restless $an tried to create a $odel ranch and spent thousands of dollars testing agricultural theories( atte$pting to i$pro&e far$ practices"3 +e&eral ti$es 'r" Haley raised an ar$ as if about to interrupt her" *erhaps if she ignored hi$( she could keep hi$ at bay" Again he stayed on the bus %hile e&eryone else hiked do%n the %oodsy path that %ound a$ong oak( $adrone and fir to &ie% the re$ains of 4ack London's drea$ ho$e( 5olf House" -nly the ghostly fra$e of the stone $ansion re$ained" It burned do%n only a fe% days before 4ack London and his %ife( Char$ain( %ere to $o&e into it" #he 4apanese took enough pictures to $ake a docu$entary and scra$bled through the ruins( counting the $any fireplaces and inspecting the fireproof &ault that %as to house London's $anuscripts( then hiked back to the House of Happy 5alls( %hich contained e)hibits and photographs of the author's life and ad&entures" #he site %as no% a state park( and Christy in&ited the group to sit at picnic tables to eat their bo) lunches" 35hy did you %aste all this ti$e carting e&eryone %ay up here:3 Haley asked in his grating &oice as e&eryone got back on the bus" 3I'll bet these folks ne&er heard of this guy"3 3-n the contrary( sir(3 little 'rs" #akahashi spoke up" 3#ranslations of 4ack London's books are found in our uni&ersity libraries" He is popular in our country( as %ell as in Europe( especially his !ea #olf. You'&e read it( of course:3 Haley's face gre% red" He slu$ped in his seat and stared out the %indo%" #ouched Christy thought and flashed a grateful s$ile at 'rs" #akahashi( then sat do%n ne)t to hi$" +o$ething had to be done about this obno)ious $an" 3You're $aking this trip unco$fortable for all of us(3 she said /uietly" 3I can assure you I ha&e reliable sources for all of $y facts( so please don't $ake any $ore co$$ents"3 Christy had ne&er talked to anyone

so bluntly" It %asn't that difficult to say %hat had to be said( she disco&ered and she %ished she'd done it earlier" #he $an glo%ered darkly during the half,hour ride to the 0apa =alley( %here they %ould begin their %ine tour" 5hen the bus $ade a stop at a traffic light( he stood up" 3-kay( 'iss 6no%,It,All( the %ine country is $y speciality( but I'$ catching a <reyhound back to +an 1rancisco( and belie&e $e( the right people are gonna hear about this"3 #he $an got off in dead silence" Christy gripped her notes and stared straight ahead( $ortified by the rudeness" +he'd not handled the situation %ell( after all" *erhaps she should ha&e allo%ed the $an to take o&er as he %anted" +o$eone %ould ha&e to be recruited to acco$pany the group back to +an 1rancisco" 5hat %ould 'ark think: 0e&ertheless( she %as relie&ed( and so( she percei&ed( %ere the &isitors" At least( they laughed and chatted %ith far $ore abandon" 0o% they entered the slender 0apa =alley( often spoken of as 5ine Country( >"+"A" not %ithout reason" A sea of green &ineyards stretched as far as the eye could see across the flat &alley floor up the s%ell of the land to the high rugged hills that fra$ed the border" 3-&er fifty %ineries are concentrated here( $any a$ong the $ost prestigious in California2 6rug( Inglenook( Beaulieu and Beringer to na$e but a fe% . all %ith free tasting roo$s"3 Christy e)plained that the cli$atic conditions %ere so consistent here that e&ery season could be considered a &intage year" 3!uring autu$n the grape lea&es turn a fla$ing red and $any shades of yello%( ri&aling 0e% England's fall foliage"3 Each %inery had its o%n distincti&e architectural style" +he pointed out handso$e conte$porary buildings( as %ell as a <er$an Rhine house( a =ictorian $ansion and a fe% that looked like the early California $issions" +o that the group $ight see the inner %orkings of a %inery( Christy arranged to stop at the Christian Brothers $onasterylike <reystone Cellars" 5ith relief she turned her charges o&er to the enthusiastic guide( and they trailed hi$ through the ro%s of huge casks redolent %ith the aro$a of aging %ine" #hey &ie%ed the crushing area and bottling process( then %ere in&ited into the tasting roo$ to freely sa$ple %ines( starting %ith the dry %hites through hearty reds and ending %ith the s%eet after,dinner &arieties" It %as late afternoon %hen they boarded the aerial tra$cars that took the$ to the hilltop +terling 5inery( %here the catered dinner %ould be ser&ed" 0o% they s%ung high abo&e the &alley to look do%n on a breathtaking $osaic of &ineyards" At the su$$it e&eryone gathered in the courtyard( %here the air %as fragrant %ith the scent of blosso$s fro$ potted orange and le$on trees" Christy dis$issed the group %ith thanks for their attention( and the indefatigable 4apanese scattered to take the self,guided tour or to rela) in the tasting roo$" Christy thought %hat an en;oyable day it could ha&e been if it %eren't for the abrasi&e 'r" Haley" 5earily she cli$bed steps up to the $ain building( thinking of the bo$bshell she $ust drop later this e&ening" A $o$ent later 'rs" #akahashi caught up %ith her and pressed a s$all bo) into her hand" 3#oday %as the highlight of $y entire trip(3 she said( and scurried back to her husband before Christy had ti$e to thank her" Christy shut her eyes against sudden burning( then opened the bo) to find a lo&ely cultured,pearl lapel pin" #he 4apanese %ere kno%n for their gift gi&ing( but this gesture see$ed generous and special" *erhaps the tour had not been a disaster( after all" -n one side of the building she found a secluded outdoor deck %here she hoped to clai$ a fe% $inutes' solitude" #he place hung a$ong treetops o&er a steep hillside( gi&ing the sensation of resting in a tree house" Belo%( the &ineyards blurred under the rosy ha e of sunset" It see$ed as if the o$inous aspects of the upco$ing trial $ight lose their i$pact %hen $atched against the sight( but her $ind clung to the e&ening ahead" !id e&eryone allo% hi$self to react to life as she did( turning herself into head/uarters for e&eryone else's proble$s: 1aint strains of $usic drifted around her( and she recogni ed the C 'inor +chu$ann ?uartet" Ryan and the other $usicians %ere %ar$ing up for their progra$ this e&ening" 5hen Ryan had been asked to pro&ide $usic for this e&ent( he %anted Christy on piano( but on learning the rehearsal schedule( she %orried about lea&ing Carol %ith the baby,sitter the four consecuti&e e&enings that %ere planned" +he discussed it %ith 'ark( hoping he $ight &olunteer a couple of ti$es" 3I'$ afraid it's a busy %eek for $e( too(3 he said" 3I ha&e o&ernight trips scheduled out of to%n" Any%ay( ha&en't you taken on enough %ith this tour thing: You shouldn't o&erdo"3 I'm wor&ing on the tour for you, 3ar&. I want to 9oin the <uartet for me, she thought" 3E&erything is set for the tour" #he $usic is no hardship" I'd lo&e to doit"3 3I don't kno%( Christy" Are you sure you %ant to get so in&ol&ed again: Especially no%:3 In&ol&ed: +o her $usic rankled after all" 3+urely you don't consider this little progra$ in the sa$e

category as the $onths %e spent on Catherina,) 3-f course not( but %e didn't ha&e Carol then"3 3I don't think it %ould hurt Carol to ha&e 'rs" Baker stay %ith her the four e&enings" I'$ %ith her all day"3 3-f course not( but you're not facing facts if you think it a$ounts to a fe% days" I kno% -'Rourke" Considering the caliber of the group( he'll probably book the ense$ble for e&ery organi ation in to%n" In fact( I %ouldn't be surprised if he set up a subscription series and arranged a tour to Europe"3 3!on't get carried a%ay(3 she said" 3#hat's an e)aggeration and you kno% it"3 3I kno% that -'Rourke is a pro$oter"3 3+uppose I pro$ise to play for this e&ent only:3 'ark sighed" 3#his $eans a lot to you( doesn't it: I %onder if you'd feel as enthusiastic if the /uartet didn't include -'Rourke:3 3*robably not(3 Christy said" 3-ne doesn't often get to %ork %ith a $an of his talent"3 3<o ahead( then( but don't say I didn't %arn you"3 A %a&e of coolness flo%ed bet%een the$" His ac/uiescence see$ed to underline $ore clearly his disappro&al" But she %ent ahead and lined up 'rs" Baker( then the day before the first rehearsal the %o$an canceled out because of une)pected house, guests" >nable to find anyone else %ho could pro$ise the four e&enings( she called Ryan and e)plained" He ca$e up %ith se&eral i$possible suggestions( then finally accepted her refusal" 3I'$ really disappointed" #his is your cup of tea( darlin'" I can get a professional acco$panist I recently $et( but he's not half the $usician you are" Actually I hoped %e $ight $ake this a regular thing"3 Ryan %ent on" 35e could speciali e in nineteenth,century $usic( earn oursel&es a reputation as a perfor$ing group( $aybe e&en proposition Rockledge to let us present a fe% $aster classes in ense$ble playing"3 Christy had to s$ile" +he %ould ne&er $ention that con&ersation to 'ark" +he listened intently no% to the rich har$ony of the $usic( anticipating the difficult passage a fe% $easures ahead( and %ished profoundly she %ere a $e$ber of the /uartet tonight" *erfor$ing in a cha$ber group allo%ed no roo$ for pri$a donnas" #onal balance and unity of intent %ere the pri$e concerns" 1or her( playing in such an ense$ble al%ays beca$e a thoroughly satisfying $usical e)perience" But she $ust forgo it no%( as %ell as in the i$$ediate future" +tep$othering took precedence" But in spite of her disappoint$ent( she kne% she %ould choose the %ell,being of a s$all child o&er her o%n selfish concerns" And it %as all %orth it if it %ould add to the s$all gains that ca$e all too seldo$ in their tenuous relationship" #he aerial tra$%ay no% %as in continual $otion" In the distance she %atched the little cars s%ing on the cable like a string of baubles as they brought up the +an 1elipe Rotary Club $e$bers and their %i&es" Christy slipped in a side entrance and found a po%der roo$ to freshen her appearance" #he ban/uet hall filled rapidly no%( and the Rotar,ians $ingled in friendly con&ersation %ith their 4apanese &isitors" Arrange$ents of grape lea&es and candles for$ed centerpieces on the tables %ith a gift bo) of %ine for each guest" Christy scanned the roo$ for 'ark and sa% hi$ talking %ith 'rs" #akahashi and her husband" 0earby( Ryan and his fello% $usicians arranged stands on a platfor$ and began the kind of incidental $usic $eant to re$ain a pleasant unobtrusi&e ingredient for the occasion" 'ark ga&e her a %a&e of recognition( lifted t%o glasses of %hite %ine fro$ a passing %aiter's tray and headed to%ard her" A look of concern replaced his s$ile" 3You look pale( Christy" !id you ha&e a rough day:3 3A fe% proble$s( but I think it turned out okay"3 3E&eryone had been telling $e ho% $uch they en;oyed your tour" +o %hat proble$s:3 +he e)plained the difficulties %ith 'r" Haley" 3I'$ afraid I ble% it" I asked hi$ to stop heckling $e( and he took off" 5ill that cause co$plications for the return trip:3 30ot at all" #he dri&er is all that's necessary tonight" I'$ sorry you had to put up %ith that clod" I kne% so$ething %as %rong" 5as that %hat upset you:3 #he perfect $o$ent to tell hi$ about the attorney's early,$orning call( but the &ery thought of spoiling the e&ening at this point terrified her" Instead she sho%ed hi$ the lapel pin" 3It $atches the earrings you ga&e $e(3 she said and touched the pearls in her ears" His eyes glinted an ackno%ledg$ent of( and at the sa$e ti$e dis$issed( the inti$ate e&ening %hen he had presented the$ to her" 0o doubt he preferred to forget"

#%o of the 4apanese couples sat at their table and %ere full of co$pli$ents about the interesting day planned by the beautiful and kno%ledgeable 'rs" Brandon" +he glanced at the $enu2 shri$p cocktail( tossed green salad( hot sourdough bread( steak( baked potato %ith sour crea$ and fresh stra%berry sundae . a typical California $eal arranged for the foreign guests" A golden dry Chenin Blanc %as ser&ed %ith the cocktail and a full,bodied Cabernet +au&ignon %ith the entrEe" But she had no appetite for the dinner( nor could she fully en;oy the $usic and ;o&ial toasts that follo%ed( kno%ing she couldn't put off her unhappy announce$ent $uch longer" #he e&ening ca$e to a close at last( and 'ark and Christy strolled o&er to co$pli$ent the $usicians" Christy felt thankful Ryan didn't repeat his regrets that she couldn't participate" 'ark soon %ould ha&e enough to rile hi$" 3And does the court ha&e us on the calendar yet( 'ark:3 Ryan asked( unkno%ingly pro&iding an opening" 30o(3 'ark said" 3I don't e)pect the trial %ill co$e up until ne)t $onth"3 Christy cleared her throat" 3Your attorney called this $orning( 'ark" #he case is arranged for 1riday( after all"3 3<reat73 'ark said" 3I'$ an)ious to get it o&er %ith"3 A %eight lodged itself in Christy's chest %hile she %aited for Ryan's response" His s$ile &anished" 3I'$ afraid that lets $e out(3 he said" 35hat on earth are you talking about:3 'ark cried" 3*recisely that" I ha&e an inter&ie% in Los Angeles that day" I %on't cancel it"3 3Any appoint$ent can be broken %hen one has to appear in court"3 30ot this one"3 3'y <od( $an( you're $y only %itness73 35ell( court dates can be changed( too" -b&iously this one %as" Call your attorney" #ake a deposition"3 3I'$ certain it's too late" You kno% legal process" !o you reali e I ha&en't a chance %ithout your testi$ony:3 3And I think you're ste%ing for nothing"3 3#hat's easy for you to say" You're not the defendant in this case"3 Ryan thre% up his hands" 3#his inter&ie% is a oneti$e chance for $e" I'$ not going to blo% it" Either you get a postpone$ent or do %ithout $e"3 3I can ha&e you subpoenaed"3 3!on't threaten $e( Brandon"3 Christy put her hand on 'ark's ar$" 3*lease talk to your la%yer" 5e can't ask Ryan to gi&e up this appoint$ent" His only chance at a $ar&elous ;ob is at stake" +urely you can understand that"3 'ark glared do%n at her" #hose side are you on, he plainly asked" Christy shut her eyes to hold back the tears" Ryan glanced at her and uncharacteristically lapsed into silence" 3I'$ sure so$ething can be arranged(3 Christy said finally to break the tension( kno%ing full %ell that nothing could" #he $en nodded briefly as if barely ac/uainted" Ryan %ent to pick up his cello( and Christy and 'ark %alked to the platfor$ to board a tra$car" +he hugged the %indo% as they glided do%n o&er treetops to the starlit landscape belo%" #he shado%y interior didn't /uite obscure 'ark's stricken face" +he %anted to reach for his hand and offer so$e %ord of encourage$ent( but his countenance forbade the intrusion" -n the ride ho$e they hardly spoke" E$pathy for both $en %elled up inside her" If the loss of the suit %iped out 'ark's business( she shared his agony" But( like Ryan( she could not belie&e a ;udge %ould a%ard the astrono$ical su$ %hen 'ark's co$pany obser&ed e&ery safety precaution( e&en though 'ark regaled her %ith si$ilar cases %here the defendant lost" !idn't the tie,in %ith !ouglas Enterprises $ean anything: Considering the circu$stances( surely +a$ !ouglas %ould co$e to the rescue" But she kne% only too %ell that 'ark Brandon %ould despise ha&ing to be bailed out by anyone" +he %ent o&er e&ery facet( seeking a solution" As the car pulled up to their to%n house( an idea began to for$" #here %as one action she $ight take" +he %as no 6ing +olo$on( but ;ust $aybe she could resol&e this i$possible predica$ent"

CHAPTER TWENTY

#HEY ARRI=E! H-'E around ele&en o'clock" 5hile 'ark took 'rs" Baker ho$e( Christy /uickly called Aunt 'artha" 3!arling( is anything %rong:3 Aunt 'artha cried" 30othing to alar$ you, dear aunt" It's ;ust that %e're in a bind( and you $ay be able to help"3 Christy poured out the details of the la%suit and Ryan's essential role as a %itness &ersus his opportunity to inter&ie% for the position at Rockledge" 3+o if you ha&en't already guessed( I'$ asking if you $ight call your friend( Ida #ra&ener( and see if she is %illing to e)ert so$e pressure on the uni&ersity co$$ittee to change Ryan's inter&ie%" Belie&e $e( I %ouldn't ask such a fa&or if I didn't belie&e Ryan -'Rourke the perfect director"3 #hen she described 'ark's concern o&er the effecti&eness of his case %ithout the presence of his key %itness" +he hurriedly concluded %ith a breathless recital of Ryan's considerable /ualifications" +he %anted to co$plete this con&ersation before 'ark returned" 3<ood hea&ens( I didn't kno% there %ere any $en around like that any$ore7 5ho is he: +o$e friend of yours:3 34ust about the best friend I e&er had(3 Christy said i$pulsi&ely" 3you'&e e&er had:3 !arn" Aunt 'artha ne&er $issed a nuance" 3I can't go into that no%" #he point is( ti$e is crucial" #he trial date( as %ell as the inter&ie%( is the day after to$orro%"3 3I'll call the first thing in the $orning" I don't understand the uni&ersity acting so infle)ibly"3 3*robably part of the screening process" #hey can't bend for e&ery #o$( !ick and Harry" I assure you( though( if they kne% Ryan( they'd bend o&er back%ard to acco$$odate hi$"3 3'y goodness( Christy( I'&e ne&er heard you so rhapsodic about anyone" He $ust be so$ething7 I'd like to $eet hi$"3 3I'll arrange it" I guarantee you t%o %ill adore each other" And %hether it %orks out or not( please don't tell anyone I asked this fa&or" *ro$ise:3 3I'll be discreet( darling" But Ida $ay be on one of her fre/uent ;aunts to Europe" If I can reach her( I'll t%ist her ar$"3 #%isting an ar$ %as Aunt 'artha's forte" If only the peripatetic 'rs" #ra&ener %ould be ho$e to the call" 'AR6 +AI! LI##LE the ne)t $orning( his $ind clearly not on breakfast" He see$ed far a%ay in so$e re$ote lonely place" Tal& to me, 3ar&, Christy silently pleaded" 3y heart aches for you. %et me share your worries, your thoughts, all that bothers you. A fe% $inutes later she heard hi$ speaking /uietly on the hall telephone" #he con&ersation %ent on for so$e ti$e" #hen he ca$e back to the table" 3#hat %as Ryan(3 he said" 35e tried to put so$ething together that $ight %ork for both of us"3 Than& od, Christy thought" +he felt a rush of affection for both of the$" 35hat is the plan:3 3*etition the court to see if Ryan $ay be called as the first defense %itness to$orro% $orning" If the court allo%s it( he %ill testify( then fly to L"A" in a pri&ate plane" He's $aking the arrange$ents %ith a pilot friend today" I'll pick up the tab( of course"3 Christy couldn't organi e her thoughts" #hey fle% off in all directions %ith do ens of unans%ered /uestions" 3Is there a chance that %ill %ork:3 she asked finally" 3About one in a $illion( but %e ha&e to take it"3 3But doesn't the plaintiff al%ays appear first:3 3Yes( and I don't see ho% Ryan can be called to the stand $uch before noon( but %e can hope" He $ust lea&e by ele&en in order to $ake the inter&ie%"3 Christy's spirits plunged" 3It's like Ryan to try for i$possible odds( but I think he's gone too far this ti$e" -h( 'ark( do you think %e ought to let hi$ do it:3 'ark's ;a% tightened" 3It's his decision" He's doing it for you( of course"3 31or you( too( in spite of %hat you belie&e" -h( %hy %on't he call the uni&ersity and try to talk the$ into gi&ing hi$ another appoint$ent: I kno% they issued %hat see$ed to be an ulti$atu$( but Ryan can be &ery persuasi&e %hen he %ants"3 3His secretary already called"3

3His secretary73 Lord( ;ust the gra&elly sound of Harriet *itkin's &oice could turn so$eone off" 3-h( <od" I can't stand it" He'll be de&astated if he $isses that inter&ie%"3 'ark's face clouded( and he looked suddenly %eary" 3You kno%( Christy( I ha&e the i$pression you're $ore concerned about -'Rourke's ;ob than $ine" If this suit %ipes us out( I'$ not certain about $y position( either"3 Christy didn't feel up to arguing the point" +he still felt 'ark e)aggerated his risk( but she understood his dri&e to succeed" +he $et his eyes and kne% hers %ere %et" 3Ho% can you belie&e I'$ not concerned for you( 'ark: #his entire situation is heartbreaking any %ay one looks at it" I feel e$pathy for you both" I can't help it"3 35ell( considering e&ents ha&e ;ust fa&ored $y case slightly( you look rather unhappy"3 1rustration engulfed her" 5hy try to e)plain: 'ark $aintained a blind spot regarding anything to do %ith Ryan" +he felt star&ed for the co$$unication they ne&er achie&ed" All she could do no% %as to hope Aunt 'artha's actions %ere fruitful" But although she stayed ho$e the entire afternoon( skipping a pro$ised trip to the park %ith Carol( no %ord ca$e" 'ark called around three" 3Let's go out to dinner and a $o&ie" I don't %ant to sit around the house all e&ening and think about the trial"3 +he readily ac/uiesced" +he didn't %ant to think about it( either( nor did she %ant to suffer through the e&ening hoping in &ain for reassuring ne%s( %hich at this late hour probably %ouldn't co$e( any%ay" +he called 'rs" Baker and $ade plans to lea&e Carol all night and during the court appearance the ne)t day"

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHRI+#Y A0! 'AR6 hurried up the courthouse steps" Christy's throat felt dry( and the tense grip of 'ark's hand at her elbo% co$$unicated his o%n e$otional state" #he early,$orning sunshine highlighted the %ar$ colors of potted geraniu$s in the rotunda( stirring an at$osphere of cheerfulness they could not share" #hey cli$bed the $arble stair%ay to the second floor and %alked do%n the long hall%ay %ith its access( to the &arious courtroo$s" #he ci&il court %here their case %as scheduled %as not yet open" A fe% people asse$bled near the entrance( %hile others gathered in little groups to con&erse in hushed tones" An aura of apprehension per$eated the place" 'ark %ent o&er to speak to one of his %itnesses( a safety inspector( %hile Christy scanned the hall for Ryan" +he dreaded $eeting hi$ this $orning" Apparently her sche$e had failed( and she felt certain the split,second ti$ing needed for 'ark's and Ryan's plan had no chance to succeed( either" Ho% %ould Ryan beha&e then: Ryan %as a fine actor" His attitude no doubt %ould turn flip( and 'ark %ould say( 3You see( this ;ob %as no big deal for -'Rourke( after all"3 But Christy kne% ho% cle&erly Ryan $asked pain" #here %ere ti$es %hen she caught the depth of feeling behind his ca&alier actions" +he sa% it %hen he spoke of the tragic death of the girl he planned to $arry" He carried scars of guilt like her o%n o&er !a&y" #heir co$$on anguish ga&e an insight that 'ark could ne&er co$prehend" +he glanced no% at 'ark" His face %as taut and a little pale as he spoke to the s$all circle of people around hi$" 5hat stress he $ust ha&e endured the past fe% %eeks7 +he ached to touch hi$( to say so$e %ord that %ould co$fort or sho% support" But she %as not sure that %as %hat he %anted fro$ her" He al%ays see$ed so self,contained" He caught her look of concern and returned to her side" +he laid her hand on his ar$" 3I'$ saying a prayer a $inute"3 3Better double that"3 3Chin up( it says in the book"3 3I $ay need a prop %hen this is o&er"3 3Ready and %aiting(3 Christy said" He suddenly noticed her pearl earrings" +he'd put the$ on for luck this $orning" #heir eyes caught and held( and the %ay his briefly glinted she felt certain that he recalled the night he ga&e the$ to her" 5ithout a %ord he pulled her ar$ through his and %o&e their fingers together" A feeling of strength flo%ed bet%een the$" This will not happen again, she thought" Tomorrow the reserve will return. 0ut now he needs me. #he sensation %as one to cherish" 'ark's attorney strode o&er to ;oin the$" 3#here's a delay(3 he said" 35ill you co$e %ith $e( 'ark: #he

plaintiff and his attorney %ish to $eet %ith us" 'rs" Brandon( you $ay as %ell go get yourself a cup of coffee" 0o need to return before ele&en o'clock"3 Ele&en o'clock7 #here %as no %ay Ryan %ould ha&e ti$e to testify no% unless he decided not to ,,o. 5ell( they $ust not allo% hi$ to do that" +he %alked dispiritedly do%n the hall to the stair%ay and $et Ryan running up t%o at a ti$e" He grabbed her in a bear hug and set her do%n against the railing" #he %ide grin on his face told it all" 3<et those %orry lines off your face" E&erything's okay73 he cried" 3I tried to get in touch last night( but no one ho$e" #he uni&ersity called and postponed the inter&ie% until +aturday" +o$ething about a representati&e fro$ the #ra&ener estate %ho couldn't $ake it until then"3 Her eyes filled %ith tears of relief" 3-h( Ryan73 3#he luck of the Irish(3 he said" 3I hope it rubs off on 'ark"3 3!on't %orry( darlin'" I'$ in top for$ after that good ne%s" I could e&en take on <oliath this $orning"3 His elation didn't erase her concern for 'ark" 3I'$ counting on you( Ryan(3 she said gra&ely and e)plained the delay" #hey %ent to the cafe across the street and ordered coffee and s%eet rolls" Ryan talked as e)uberantly about Rockledge as if he %ere already in charge" He spread out a paper napkin and sketched an outline of the buildings( designating ho% each %ould be used" He had prepared a large detailed chart illustrating his ideas to take %ith hi$( he said" +he &isuali ed Ryan presenting it to the co$$ittee" He %ould be co$pletely in charge( and if he didn't i$press the$ %ith his background and creati&e ideas( he surely %ould o&er%hel$ the$ %ith his enthusias$" +he listened %ith ad$iration( a$use$ent and no little apprehension" #op talent fro$ all o&er the >nited +tates %ould co$pete for this position" +uppose he didn't %in it: Ho% %ould a $an like Ryan( accusto$ed as he %as to success( accept re;ection if that should happen: 1or that $atter( she could ask the sa$e /uestion about 'ark if the trial %ent against hi$" 'ark entered the coffee shop then and %alked straight to their table" He didn't s$ile( but his eyes see$ed to reach out for her in a %ay that $ade her breath catch" 3It's o&er(3 he said( pulled out a chair and sat do%n" #he relief on his face %as as tangible as sunlight" 3-&er:3 Christy and Ryan chorused incredulously" 3Yes" #he plaintiff settled out of court" His la%yer approached ours yesterday %ith an offer( but the ter$s %eren't finali ed until this $orning"3 3Is that good:3 Christy asked" 3+a&ed our li&es" Boggs finally asked only for doctor bills and a token a$ount for pain and suffering" -ur insurance $an is ecstatic"3 Christy felt anestheti ed( as if the release fro$ an)iety ele&ated her into a kind of euphoria" Ryan did not /uite hide an I,told,you,so grin" 3<reat7 I kne% that Boggs %as a fraud( all bluff" 5hat $ade hi$ change his $ind:3 3I'$ not sure(3 'ark said" 3'aybe his attorney pointed out that he didn't ha&e a strong case" -r it $ight ha&e been the fact that the trial date %as $o&ed up sooner %ith a different ;udge than e)pected" Apparently Boggs appeared before this sa$e ;udge a fe% %eeks ago for drunk dri&ing"3 3I still can't belie&e it(3 Christy said" 'ark rose" 3I'll call a ta)i for you( -'Rourke" !o you still ha&e enough ti$e to $ake that flight to Los Angeles:3 30ot a chance(3 Ryan said cheerfully" 3But not to %orry"3 He $ade e)planations and the $en shook hands" 3I guess you kno% ho% $uch your cooperation $eant to us(3 'ark said" 3If this case had co$e to trial( I belie&e %e'd ha&e lost %ithout you"3 Ryan grasped both hands abo&e his head in a &ictory gesture" 34ust call $e indispensable"3 3<ood luck on your inter&ie% to$orro%(3 Christy said and thought ho% inade/uately the ordinary phrase con&eyed her high hopes for hi$" His brashness ga&e %ay to the earnest e)pression that appeared at any $ention of Rockledge" 3#hanks(3 he said" 3And if you t%o ha&e any giant,si e old $iracles sitting around gathering dust( I'd appreciate your shining 'e$ up and sending the$ along %ith $e"3 #hey parted then" Ryan %ent back to his school( and 'ark dro&e Christy ho$e" 3+peaking of $iracles( I could use a fe% of those recycled pheno$ena $yself if I'$ to get through the ne)t couple of $onths"3 3I suppose your %ork piled up %hile you got sidetracked on the la%suit:3 +he encouraged hi$ to

unburden hi$self about his proble$s( but he only nodded" 'ark see$ed hounded by pressure" +till( it %asn't pressure itself( but the %ay one reacted to it that affected a person in the long run" 5hat %ent on inside that %a&y auburn head: +he %ished she kne%" +he longed for the rare co$$unication that passed bet%een the$ this $orning %hen he noticed the earrings" At that $o$ent a special feeling $o&ed bet%een the$" +he recalled it %ith a strong pang of tenderness( then felt despair at its transience" #oo $any realities hassled it" #oo $any priorities breathed on it" #heir particular alliance allo%ed no space for it to flourish"

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I# 5A+0'# #HA# Ryan had an angel sitting on his shoulder( or that he o%ned any special attribute that counted as luck( Christy $used as she caught up on her house%ork" He si$ply $ade it a point to stay ahead of the cro%d %hen it ca$e to identifying an opportunity" #ake Alicia +alisbury( for instance( the stunning %o$an Christy had $et in Ryan's office ;ust an hour ago" Consu$ed %ith curiosity at the outco$e of his inter&ie% last +aturday( she took Carol and %alked do%n to school at noon early the follo%ing %eek %hen 'iss *itkin nor$ally took her lunch hour" Christy felt she'd rather face a s/uad of ar$ed guards than one chilling glance fro$ Ryan's protecti&e secretary" #o her relief Harriet's chair %as e$pty( and Ryan ca$e out of his inner office %ith an unusually striking %o$an" !ressed in an >ltrasuede black pantsuit and a fo),fur ;acket( the auburn,haired young %o$an hardly looked the usual school parent" Ryan $ade introductions( then e)plained2 3'iss +alisbury is taking on so$e public,relations %ork for Rockledge( and I'$ assisting her %ith a fe% northern California contacts" 5ait around if you are in no hurry" I'll return in a $inute" I'$ ;ust going to %alk Alicia out to her car"3 Alicia: +o he %as on a first,na$e basis %ith the public,relations person already" Ryan certainly %orked fast" #he inter&ie% occurred only three days ago" !id that $ean he'd got the ;ob: +urely the appoint$ent hadn't been announced so soon" #he fe% $inutes' %ait e)tended to al$ost a half hour( and Christy sent the i$patient Carol outside to play on the s%ings" 5hen Ryan strode in at last( he see$ed to ignore her at first" He picked up a pad( $ade so$e notations( then stared at the$ %ithout $o&ing" Christy fidgeted" 3Ryan( re$e$ber $e: I'$ your nosy friend %ho is absolutely dying to hear about e&erything that happened in L"A"3 He ca$e o&er to lean across the counter fro$ her" 3+orry( darlin'" 'y $ind %as up %ith a construction cre% at Rockledge"3 3#hat's ob&ious" But ho% did your inter&ie% go:3 3-n a scale of one to ten( I'd a%ard $yself a solid ten(3 he said i$$odestly" 3But %ho kno%s: #he co$$ittee %on't announce its choice until so$eti$e in 4une" >ntil then I $ust t%iddle $y thu$bs and %ait"3 3But Ryan( if you are %orking %ith their public,relations people at this point( things look $ighty fa&orable"3 3-h( that %as $y idea" I still can't get o&er seeing Alicia after allthese years" I told you about her" Re$e$ber Alicia #ra&ener( Ida #ra&ener's granddaughter: 5e %ere class$ates in college" You kno% $y %eakness for redheads" +he's ;ust been through a de&astating di&orce and is an)ious to get her teeth into so$ething de$anding" #ickled pink %hen her grand$other asked her to take on the ;ob"3 3You $ean she %as on the selection co$$ittee:3 3-h( no" Apparently 'rs" #ra&ener %anted a personal representati&e sitting in on $y inter&ie%" I %as lucky to dra% Alicia" 5hat a coincidence73 0o coincidence( Christy thought( but she'd ne&er tell hi$" +he ga&e silent thanks for an aunt like 'artha" 3+o you rene%ed your ac/uaintance:3 3+ure did" 5e had a ball talking o&er old ti$es" +he li&es in Berkeley no%( so I in&ited her to co$e up and offered to introduce her to so$e of the =I*+ in the area( sy$phony conductors( a couple of the local college presidents and so$e heads of $usic and dra$a depart$ents %ho$ I kno%" I'$ going to dri&e her up to Rockledge ne)t %eekend and e)plain all $y inno&ati&e ideas on the spot"3 Alicia +alisbury %asted no ti$e and to her credit( Christy thought" 3I hope this pro&es a good o$en( but don't tell 'iss *itkin" +he $ight put a he) on that gla$orous lady"3 Ryan didn't say anything for a fe% seconds" 30o chance" +he resigned(3 he said abruptly"

35hat:3 Christy could hardly belie&e the ne%s" Ryan fro%ned" 3=ery odd( actually" I recall that you had an intuiti&e feeling about her" Last 1riday afternoon I found the long,lost letter to +ierra >ni&ersity( along %ith your note( both sealed in a $anila en&elope in $y personal file" 5hen I confronted her %ith the$( she %ent co$pletely to pieces" 'onday her resignation %as on $y desk( said she %as needed to care for an elderly relati&e" 0o% %hy %ould *itkin pull a trick like that:3 3+he adored you( Ryan" You can't bla$e her for going to any length to keep you here"' B 3But %hy didn't she ;ust burn up the letters: 5hy lea&e the$ %here I'd find the$:3 Christy couldn't ans%er" +he felt sudden co$passion for the %o$an" 'oreo&er( %ho could predict the actions of the lonely 'iss *itkins of the %orld: Harriet *itkin wanted Ryan to find that en&elope" It carried the poignant $essage she could not bring herself to &erbali e" 3I lo&e you" I can't let you go(3 it said and laid naked her drea$ that such an ad$ission %ould a%ake si$ilar e$otions in Ryan" Ryan $uttered so$ething about ho% he couldn't i$agine a %o$an of inco$parable loyalty beha&ing in such an irrational $anner( then changed the sub;ect" 3I'd like to get the /uartet going again(3 he said" 3I think the +chu$ann %ent %ell at the ban/uet" #he only i$pro&e$ent %ould be to ha&e you on piano( darlin'"3 Christy %anted it so $uch she could feel her fingers tingle at the prospect( but the ti$ing %asn't right" +he %anted to be a&ailable if 'ark sho%ed any need for her" 3#hanks( but not no%(3 she said" 35ell( I'll drop so$e $usic by one of these days" 'aybe you'll change your $ind"3 +he and Carol %alked ho$e then( detouring to pick up Robbie to co$e play for the afternoon" 0o% Christy looked out the %indo% to check on the children on the grassy hillside i$$ediately belo%" #hey %ere building a fort out of a stack of fire%ood" +ince $eeting at Carol's birthday party( they fre/uently played together" Christy %ondered at the /uiet %ay they %orked" 5ith fe% %ords e)changed and a syste$ of body $o&e$ents or perhaps so$e e)trasensory perception( they see$ed to achie&e perfect co$$unication" E&ery ti$e Christy $et Carol's distant blue eyes( she longed for the gift herself" But it %as natural for children to feel threatened by stepparents( the books said" 5ell( it %as getting $ore and $ore difficult to re$e$ber that" +he often felt thin,skinned and rubbed ra%( but she deter$ined not to sho% it" Beyond the dandelion,spangled hill the city's checkerboard panora$a glistened in the afternoon sunlight" In the distance a che$ical plant flung a fil$y %hite scarf sky%ard( and ne)t to the plant %as the rental center %here 'ark %orked in his office" 0ot only did he %ork there all day( but no%( $ost e&enings( as %ell( e)cept for the occasions %hen they entertained clients" #hen they both slipped into the habitual facade they practiced for such affairs" !uring the short ti$e 'ark had $anaged the +an 1elipe head/uarters( he had de&eloped eighteen ne% franchises in the %estern states( far outdistancing 5estern Rental +er&ices( their ne%est co$petitor" 0o %onder he'd been elected Business$an of the Year" *robably +a$ !ouglas %ould cro% about his husband, and,%ife,tea$ theory for de&eloping s$all businesses( but Christy kne% 'ark %ould ha&e succeeded in any circu$stances( perhaps e&en $ore %ithout the tur$oil she had added to his life" He spent hours %ith each ne% dealer( figuring a$ounts and &arieties of e/uip$ent suitable for the particular area in ter$s of industrial( agricultural or ho$e,o%ner needs" #hen he set up the bookkeeping $ethod appropriate for the particular office and sent an e)perienced consultant to %ork %ith the ne% o%ner during his opening %eeks( and finally follo%ed %ith his o%n &isit to each plant" 0o% he had the additional %ork of preparing esti$ates for the Australian in&estors" As Christy %atched hi$ pore o&er the nu$erous brochures and pa$phlets fro$ the far continent( it see$ed to her that he hungered %ith a kind of desperation for that ne% hori on" -ne e&ening Christy %atched as he prepared to return to the office" +he felt touched by the %eary slope of his shoulders" 35hy don't you %ork here( 'ark: Isn't it tedious to $ake so $any trips: I'll not play the piano" Carol and I %ill fade into the %ood%ork" I pro$ise"3 He shuffled through the recent accu$ulation of Australian folders on the coffee table and put $ost of the$ into his briefcase" 3I'd prefer to stay here( of course( but since Carol arri&ed( I ha&e $o&ed e&erything do%n to the office" It's easier to %ork %here e&erything is at hand"3 He see$ed to consider a $o$ent" 3I guess it isn't fair to lea&e Carol %ith you e&ery night" 5hy don't you get a sitter and go back to your dra$a group:3 Christy shook her head" 3#hey %on't start another sho% until school's out" Any%ay( I told the$ I %ouldn't be a&ailable as long as Carol is %ith us"3 His eyebro%s lifted" 3-h: +o$eho% I thought a ne% sho% %as in the offing" I gather -'Rourke co$es

around rather fre/uently"3 His tone i$plied so$ething $ore than he said" +he %ondered ho% she al%ays got put on the defensi&e" Carol adored Ryan's little &isits( and of course( it %as she %ho shared the infor$ation %ith her father" 3Ryan does stop by for a fe% $inutes occasionally on his %ay ho$e fro$ school(3 she said" 3He and Carol ha&e struck up /uite a friendship" He's &ery good %ith children" After all( that's %hat he's trained for" I'$ afraid I ha&en't $anaged too %ell( and Ryan has really been helpful"3 'ark fro%ned as if dissecting &ague antagonis$s" 3I see(3 he said e&enly" 35ell( let's not o&erdo it"3 -&erdo %hat( she thought" #here it %as again( so$e petty /uality that thrust itself bet%een the$( altering the at$osphere and e&en the %ords they e)changed" +till( it %as natural for 'ark to feel guilt o&er the s$all a$ount of ti$e he %as able to spend %ith his little daughter( so resent$ent o&er sharing his father role %ith Ryan %ould follo%" -b&iously 'ark %as not ;ealous o&er her o%n friendship %ith Ryan" +he looked at a pictorial folder of Australian cities left on the table" It %as like a shout in the roo$" !id it represent a place for hi$ to $ake a fresh start %ith !arcy and Carol: 3By the %ay(3 'ark said as he prepared to lea&e" 3+a$ !ouglas %ill arri&e on 1riday" 5e're going to spend the %eekend going o&er $achinery,cost esti$ates for the Australian bid"3 3In&ite hi$ to dinner( of course(3 Christy said" 'ark suddenly looked e$barrassed" 35e can go out" I hear that ne% restaurant at the <iaco$etti 5inery is good"3 3And not use the +uper +a$ +yste$ on the founder hi$self: -h( no( 'ark( %e can't do that to 'r" !ouglas"3 3I kno% ho% he en;oys a ho$e,cooked $eal( if it isn't too $uch for you(3 he said stiffly" 30o proble$" I feel like an old pro no%" And don't %orry( I'll not get too in&ol&ed %ith $y usual gour$et folderol"3 He fu$bled %ith his briefcase and see$ed too preoccupied to ackno%ledge the gibe about her cooking" 3By the %ay( please don't $ention our Australian plans to anyone. If 5estern Rental hears about it( they %ould stop at nothing to get in on the deal" #he scuttlebutt is they're looking for a foreign $arket to bolster their shaky financial status"3 35ell( of course" 5ho$ %ould I tell: I kno% &ery little about it( any%ay"3 It %as no i$pudent boast that she felt confident in in&iting the chief hi$self for dinner" +he'd earned her assurance during the past $onths of fre/uent entertaining" -n the other hand( it %ould ha&e been $ore truthful to follo% 'ark's suggestion" 5hy should they pretend for +a$ !ouglas's benefit: 5ouldn't it be kinder to foreshado% the future %ith so$e painful realities: 0e&ertheless( she ga&e a lot of thought to the dinner and planned a $enu that %ould sur&i&e late arri&als( as %ell as one that included so$e of 'ark's fa&orite dishes" +he laughed a little at the lists and $e$orandu$s she left around for herself( as %ell as the detailed schedule she'd %ritten to organi e her ti$e" "ou're not trying to pass a bar e(amination, old girl, she chided" 1h, yes, you are, she ackno%ledged and kne% ho% fiercely she desired +a$'s and 'ark's appro&al" BY 'I!A*#ER0--0 of the day +a$ !ouglas %as to arri&e( the house %as spotless and dinner preparations had gone fla%lessly" +he looked around %ith satisfaction" #he crystal glea$ed on a pale yello% cloth( and a bou/uet of $arguerites for$ed a sunny centerpiece" #he roo$ see$ed al$ost to purr like a contented cat" Carol( ;ust up fro$ a nap( ca$e o&er to stare at the table" 35ho's co$ing:3 she asked fretfully" Christy took in the petulance on the s$all face" 3'y goodness( you look like the bro%nie that put soap in the soup" !on't you feel %ell:3 3'y head hurts(3 she said and felt it as if to $ake sure" 35ho's co$ing:3 she repeated" 3'r" !ouglas" He's the president of your daddy's co$pany" You $et hi$ a long ti$e ago" 5e %ant e&erything to be e)tra nice for his &isit" I kno% you'll help keep things tidy"3 #hink positi&e" Carol's $outh drooped" 35hy can't 'r" -'Rourke co$e:3 3Because your daddy has in&ited 'r" !ouglas( and it %ill be his first &isit to our house"3 Christy felt apprehensi&e" A contrary child she did not need at this point" Carol's stubborn little chin see$ed to challenge Christy's tolerance" 3#hen( can Robbie co$e to dinner:3 30ot this ti$e(3 Christy said fir$ly" 3Your daddy and 'r" !ouglas ha&e i$portant business to discuss"3 Carol s/uee ed a tear and see$ed suddenly to shrink into an abused %aif" Christy supposed children

could sense tension and reacted according to their o%n special set of genes" 35hy don't you go outside and play in the sandbo): 'aybe the fresh air %ill $ake your head feel better(3 Christy said kindly and felt Carol's forehead" It see$ed no %ar$er than nor$al after nap ti$e" 3#here's no one to play %ith" I %ant to go to the park(3 Carol %hined" 3I don't ha&e ti$e to take you to the park( and you $ay not go alone because I care about your safety" 5e'll go to$orro%"3 Carol sta$ped a foot" 3You don't like $e7 'y $o$$y %ould let Robbie and 'r" -'Rourke co$e to the party"3 Christy calculated the re$aining chores" 3I ha&e ti$e to read you a story( then you can paint so$e pictures for your daddy and 'r" !ouglas" I think that %ould $ake a nice surprise for the$"3 It %as true that 'ark's daughter sho%ed talent" 5hen Christy first disco&ered it( she bought an easel and helped Carol $i) the calci$ine paint" #he child had a natural feeling for color( and her dra%ings %ere often i$aginati&e" Carol pulled at her lo%er lip and debated for a $o$ent( then %ent rather sullenly to choose a book" Apparently !arcy had neglected this facet of her daughter's life( but Christy cherished the story ti$e as a kind of link( albeit fragile( that allo%ed the only genuine rapport they shared" Carol %ould sit ne)t to her( al$ost touching( and listen %ith an e)pression of intense and da led interest" 5hen the tale %as o&er( she still %anted to discuss it( to look at the pictures again( to poke and prod at it as if it %ere a tantali ing package" Christy's $orale soared during these sessions( but after%ard so$e cooling process see$ed to set in( and Carol %ent off to put the book a%ay %ith insulting speed" 'uch later( Christy %as to %onder %hat %retched fate caused Carol to select the story of a %itch %ho caused hated persons and ob;ects to disappear si$ply by painting a hea&y black line around the$" Christy read the story( her $ind preoccupied %ith dinner preparations" #oday Carol listened %ithout co$$ent( then obediently %ent to her roo$ to paint" Christy felt relie&ed that the little girl see$ed al$ost herself once $ore" *atience( she re$inded herself" E&eryone gets $oody" Ryan had e)plained it one night at rehearsal after an actor ble% a scene" 35hen the biorhyth$ic cycle is disturbed( one's poise takes a di&e(3 he'd lectured" +he scurried to for$ rolls fro$ the plu$p ball of yeast dough( then set the$ in a %ar$ place to rise" 'ark had $entioned +a$'s penchant for ho$e$ade bread" #hen she spooned $arinade o&er beef kabobs ske%ered alternately %ith to$atoes( $ushroo$s and peppers" 5ith a pitcher of $artinis placed in the refrigerator( she %as ready at last in e)act accord %ith her schedule" 'ean%hile Robbie had co$e to play( and Christy s$iled at the est %ith %hich Carol told hi$ the %itch story" #hey %ent outside to the sandbo)( and Christy hurried to sho%er and dress" 5ith ti$e to spare( she longed to snatch a fe% $inutes' rest" #he %ay her back ached she needed to get off her feet for a %hile" !ro%sily she heard childish laughter ricochet $usically around the patio beneath her %indo% and %as &aguely a%are of the nu$erous ti$es the back door sla$$ed" Ho% $ar&elous that they played so %ell together( she $used" +he $ust ha&e do ed then" Later she %oke %ith a start" Her %atch sho%ed si) o'clock" #he $en $ight arri&e at any $o$ent" Robbie had gone ho$e( and Carol stood %atching her fro$ the door%ay" Christy hurried her into the tub" 3'y goodness( your hands are dirty7 5hat ha&e you been doing:3 Carol held up grubby fingers to be soaped" 35e played Black,Line 5itch"3 35ell( did you $ake anything disappear:3 Carol ga&e her an unfocused look" 3I don't kno% yet"3 Christy buttoned her into the ne% pink dress purchased recently and brushed her fine flya%ay hair into the pony tail style that suited her so %ell" A$a ing ho% a little groo$ing could turn a dandelion,gone,to, seed into a rosebud" "ou aren't your mother's daughter, Christy thought" !arcy %ould e)ude dash and pi a barefoot in a ru$$age,sale castoff" 3You look &ery nice(3 Christy said" 35ould you like to %elco$e the gentle$en %hen they arri&e:3 3-kay(3 she said %ithout enthusias$" #he t%o %ent do%nstairs together( and as they passed the dining,roo$ table( Christy stopped( rigid %ith shock" A hea&y border of charcoal and sand edged the table" Ashes spattered the yello% cloth( %hile the carpet clearly sho%ed the trail fro$ the patio barbecue" 3It didn't disappear(3 Carol said so /uietly Christy barely heard" 3-h( no73 Christy %ailed" 35hy did you do it: You'&e ruined e&erything73 Carol stared at Christy's distraught face and burst into tears" 3You %ouldn't let any of $y friends co$e(3 she cried and backed a%ay as if Christy $ight strike her"

Christy could not re$e$ber %hen she felt so furious" Lea&e serious punish$ent to the natural parent( the books said" 5ell( forget the books" 3If you're not old enough to kno% the difference bet%een a fairy tale and spoiling our table( then you're not old enough to eat dinner %ith us"3 Christy grabbed the sobbing child by the ar$ and propelled her none too gently to her roo$" 3#ake off your party dress and go to bed this $inute73 she snapped and closed the door" +he hurried to pile the spattered sil&er( china and crystal onto a tray( then %added the ruined cloth and tossed it onto the kitchen counter" +he'd barely finished &acuu$ing the carpet %hen 'ark and +a$ arri&ed" +o$eho% she $anaged to greet the$ %ith reasonable co$posure" +a$ took in Christy's e)panding figure $ade $ore ob&ious by the ne% $aternity dress" 3'ark( you lucky de&il73 he cried and clapped 'ark on the back" 'ark's $outh t%isted in a %ay that did not co$pli$ent the strong planes of his face" His ga e passed obscurely o&er her( and the only %ord she could3 think of %as despair. +a$ kissed her on the cheek( then held her at ar$'s length" 3A girl's ne&er $ore beautiful than %hen she's pregnant(3 he sang( sharping badly" His neat %hite goatee and black string tie $ade hi$ look like an earlier breed of +outhern gentle$an( Christy thought" And although his $anner %as blustery and fre/uently despotic( his courtly attitude to%ard her ne&er failed to $ake her feel fe$inine and precious" +a$'s &oluble cliches concerning her condition( plus the $artinis( carried her through the first fe% $inutes" #hank <od $ost a$enities ca$e auto$atically" +he noted 'ark's pu led e)pression as she brought out so$e bro%n fiber $ats and set the table %ith their e&eryday earthen%are" 5hat happened to her usual elegant table( he no doubt %ondered( and %hat %as she doing arranging the centerpiece at this late hour: +he returned to the kitchen to start the broiler for the kabobs as the telephone rang" +he stepped into the ad;acent hall%ay to ans%er" 3'ay I speak %ith 'ark( please:3 a fe$inine &oice asked" #he %o$an pronounced 'ark's na$e %ith ease as if she'd rehearsed the soft r for years" #he /uality %as painfully fa$iliar" Christy called 'ark( then closed the kitchen door and leaned bra enly against it to ea&esdrop( feeling thoroughly conte$ptible" 3!arcy: Yes( of course( I'&e been e)pecting your call(3 he said" 30o( not this %eekend" +a$ and I ha&e so$e %ork to %rap up" #ahoe Inn:3 #here follo%ed a long silence" 3#hat's probably best" I'll see you then" <oodbye"3 He %ent back to resu$e his con&ersation %ith +a$" Christy took in a fe% deep breaths but oddly could not s$ell the broiling $eat( and the %histling teakettle see$ed to shoot its stea$ noiselessly into the roo$" +he suddenly sa% 'ark as a totally ne% person" 5hich of the 'arks she li&ed %ith %as the real one( she %ondered" +he tried hard to reconcile this ne% aspect of his character %ith the $an she kne%" 1h, stop it, she told herself" #here %as not a thing in the contract about faithful husbands or %i&es( either( for that $atter" #hey'd not considered that kind of co$$it$ent" Any%ay( no% that they slept apart( she'd no right to e)pect fidelity" But such reasoning didn't stop the panic that slo%ly paraly ed her" It took se&eral $inutes for her hands to stop tre$bling enough so she could ser&e the $eal" 1or once she %as glad for +a$'s outrageous strea$ of co$pli$ents( %hich allo%ed a little ti$e to control her e$otions" 35here's Carol:3 'ark asked as they dre% up their chairs" 3+he %asn't herself( so I sent her to bed"3 %eave it at that, Christy pleaded silently" J '+he's ill:3 3I don't think so" 4ust pee&ish after her nap"3 35ell( that isn't drastic enough to keep her in bed" I'll go get her"3 3'ark( please73 Christy cried( and both $en looked at her sharply" 3Actually Carol $isbeha&ed( and I felt she ought to be punished(3 +he felt fresh indignation in spite of her desire to underplay the situation" 'ark fro%ned" 3Isn't that a little hea&y: After all( this is a special occasion %ith +a$ here" I'd %anted the$ to get better ac/uainted"3 +he read hi$ loud and clear" "ou've pic&ed a fine time to cause a scene, he see$ed to say" +a$ continued to de&our his dinner not in the least perturbed by the argu$ent" 3-h( %hat the hell( let her ;oin us"3 He caught Christy's glance" 3-kay( s%eetheart:3 Christy nodded du$bly" +he hadn't handled the situation %ell and %ould protest no longer" +he toyed %ith her food but could barely s%allo% it" E&en the fragrant rolls( %hose lightness +a$ e)tolled %ith glo%ing rhetoric( stuck like a lu$p of clay in her throat" As they finished the le$on,crea$ pie( 'ark %ent up for Carol but returned at once" 3+he's not in her

bed(3 'ark said an)iously" 35here could she ha&e gone:3 Christy leaped up" 3+he $ust be hiding" I took her to her roo$ barely an hour ago"3 +he raced upstairs and looked in all the closets( then under the beds %hile the $en searched the yard" In a fe% $inutes they gathered in the li&ing roo$( and Christy sank into a chair( nauseous %ith %orry" Could the child ha&e been kidnapped under one's &ery nose: 5hen could it ha&e happened: 'ark $o&ed tensely to the telephone" 35e'd better call the police" +he $ust ha&e run a%ay73 Christy put her head in her hands and tried to think" 3Let $e call Robbie's house first" #hey played together this afternoon"3 +a$ ran to%ard the door" 3#oss $e your keys( 'ark" I'll cruise the neighborhood" +he can't ha&e gone far"3 'ark stood ne)t to Christy as she dialed the nu$ber" #hey %aited through inter$inable rings" 3#here's no ans%er(3 she said bleakly and hung up" 'ark faced her" His eyes accused and conde$ned" 35hat the de&il happened to $ake her run a%ay:3 +he looked at hi$ helplessly and could only shake her head" He picked up the phone book and flipped through the pages to find the nu$ber of the police depart$ent" A peal of childish laughter slid do%n a scale( and Ryan %alked in %ith Carol clinging to his hand" 3Anyone $issing a little pink princess:3 he asked and %ore his principal's face as he handed her o&er to 'ark" 3I %as speaking at a *"#"A" $eeting at the school %hen I spotted her in the auditoriu$" It %as a %hile before I reali ed she %as alone" I brought her ho$e as soon as I could get a%ay"3 3#hanks" 5e appreciate your concern(3 'ark said for$ally and scooped her up in his ar$s" +he clung to hi$ and looked up to gauge his e)pression" 3!on't be $ad( daddy" I %as loneso$e all by $yself"3 3#hat %as a foolish thing to do( Carol" You had us all %orried" 5e %ere ready to call the police(3 'ark said" +a$ returned then( and 'ark introduced hi$ to Ryan" 3All's %ell that ends %ell(3 +a$ declared heartily" 3+it do%n -'Rourke" 'ark %ill fi) us a drink( and %e can all rela)"3 His in&itation barely co&ered 'ark's cool hospitality" +a$ launched into a detailed account of the ti$e he ran a%ay fro$ ho$e at age ten" Carol sat enthralled" +he clearly felt a peer of ad&enturers" +a$ and Ryan chatted co$panionably( t%o artful $en %ith a sense of proportion concerning such $undane do$estic crises( Christy obser&ed" 'ark ser&ed the drinks( then sat do%n to pull Carol into his lap" He kept his &oice confidential against the rest of the con&ersation" 3You $ust ha&e been &ery naughty for Christy to punish you" 5hat did you do:3 35e did so$e black $agic( but it didn't %ork(3 she said softly and a&erted her head" 'ark $ust ha&e reali ed that Christy had heard" 5hy all this fuss o&er a little childish $ake,belie&e( he see$ed to ask" Carol hopped off her father's lap in an ob&ious bid to change the sub;ect" 3I painted so$e pictures for you( daddy"3 +he ran to fetch the$ and piled se&eral on the floor before hi$" Ryan got up to look o&er 'ark's shoulder" 3=ery nice(3 he said" 3You bet your life(3 +a$ agreed" 3If I could dra% like that( I'd hang out a shingle73 It sho%ed a boy flying a kite" -ne could see the $o&e$ent of a kite tugged by %ind( and there %as a hint of perspecti&e" 'ark looked through the rest of the dra%ings( and Carol suddenly reached o&er( grabbed one and %added it into a ball" 3#hat one is no good73 she cried" 'ark pried it fro$ Carol's tight little fist and s$oothed out the %rinkles" 3-n the contrary( I like this one best of all"3 He held it up for e&eryone to see" Christy gasped" #he portrait %as un$istakably she" In sparse rather bold lines( Carol had caught Christy's profile( the s%ing of her hair painted a reasonable copper( and e&en the curly lashes around her bro%n eyes" Christy felt as if she'd been cut %ith a scalpel %ithout benefit of anesthesia" Around the head Carol had painted a hea&y black line" 'ark glanced at Christy" He see$ed ready to anticipate her praise( but she %as too stunned to co$$ent" Carol looked fearfully at Christy" 3I %ant to go to bed no%" I'$ sleepy"3 #he child did look tired( and her eyes see$ed dull( e&en though her color re$ained high" Christy rose" 30e&er $ind(3 'ark said" 3I'll take care of her"3 He couldn't ha&e hu$iliated her $ore if he'd s%orn at her" +he sa% Ryan %atching her" He ga&e her a sole$n %ink"

3I'll be off(3 he said" 3#hanks for the drink" <ood $eeting you( +a$"3 +he %alked %ith Ryan to the door( then outside on the porch" 3You needn't be so de&astated(3 he said" 3You'&e co$e a long %ay %ith Carol( and 'ark %ill see that as soon as he gets his head on straight" Consider tonight a $inor setback . par for the course( as your friend +a$ $ight say"3 3I hope you're right(3 she said %ith an aching throat" His reassurance %as so$ething to cling to after this long dreadful e&ening" 1or an instant she re$e$bered the co$fort of Ryan's e$brace" -ne felt the need for faith and trust such as Ryan had unre$ittingly offered" +he looked up at hi$( and the %ar$th in his eyes see$ed to gi&e that to her no%" He ;erked a thu$b to%ard the li&ing roo$" 3Big plans afoot( eh( %hat %ith the head chief hi$self here: !on't tell $e 'ark is in line for a pro$otion: Like to +ydney:3 Christy gasped" 5hat did he kno%: +he looked at hi$ %ithout flinching" 3I'll s%ear on a stack of Bibles as high as the $oon( I'll not be going to Australia"3 He grinned" 3<ood" I don't %ant to lose you( dar,lin'"3 #he glo% fro$ the streetlight touched his broad shoulders and ga&e a splendid sheen to his beard" He %alked /uickly to his car and at the curb turned and %a&ed" Christy %ent back to the kitchen and began to load the dish%asher" +a$ and 'ark see$ed deeply engrossed in figuring their cost esti$ates" +he heard frag$ents of their talk and put things a%ay in the refrigerator %ith $echanical $o&e$ents as if she %ere turning so$e bolt on an asse$bly line" Later +a$ popped his head in the door to say good,night" 35onderful dinner( Christy" I %onder if you kno% %hat it $eans for an old bachelor like $e to spend an e&ening in your happy ho$e:3 Christy sa% hi$ to the door and ga&e hi$ a %ordless hug" 'ark shifted his %eight uneasily( then dro&e +a$ to his hotel a fe% blocks a%ay" Christy %as still in the kitchen %hen he returned" 3Can't this %ait until to$orro%: It's ti$e you %ere in bed(3 he said" +he stacked the clean dishes back in the cupboard" 3I'$ al$ost finished"3 He pitched in to help and see$ed to $ake an unnecessary clatter in order to co&er the strain bet%een the$" 3Your dinner %as e)cellent(3 he said at last" 3I'$ glad you liked it"3 3And as usual %e had the ubi/uitous Ryan -'Rourke" 5hat is there about that guy:3 3You kno% he and Carol are good friends( and you can hardly bla$e hi$ for bringing her ho$e" +he %anted hi$ to co$e for dinner" I'$ afraid that's %hat set off the %hole disaster"3 'arked banged the dish%asher door shut" 35ell( since he has beco$e an inti$ate $e$ber of the fa$ily( I hope you ha&e re$e$bered not to $ention the Australian &enture"3 3I ha&en't $entioned a %ord of this to Ryan(3 she said /uietly" +he could not recall a single slip she $ight ha&e $ade( and she %as certain Carol had not e&en been a%are of the business" #hen she recalled Ryan's parting re$arks" 3-h( no73 she cried" 'ark grabbed her shoulders" 35hat do you $ean:3 3As Ryan left( he asked if you %ere in line for a pro$otion to +ydney" +a$ $ust ha&e $entioned your upco$ing Australian &isitors" I'$ sure it doesn't $ean a thing"3 'ark's fingers dug $ore deeply into her shoulders" 3And %hat did you say:3 +he $et his eyes s/uarely" 3I said I %ould s%ear on a stack of Bibles as high as the $oon that I %asn't going to Australia"3 He dre% back as if she'd slapped hi$ and began to %ipe off the counter" 35hat's this:3 he asked after a painful silence and unfolded the s$udged tablecloth she had tossed there hours ago" Ashes and charcoal spilled on the floor %ith a couple of %ilted $arguerites" Christy ran for the broo$ and dustpan" 3Lord( don't tell $e this had so$ething to do %ith the black $agic that %ent on here today:3 he said" 35ell( yes"3 Christy kept her eyes on the dustpan" 3It %as rather de&astating at the ti$e" Robbie and Carol co$pletely outlined the table %ith this stuff( and I only disco&ered it ;ust before you and +a$ arri&ed" I o&erreacted( I suppose( and didn't reali e it %ould all turn out so badly" 3<ood Lord7 5hy didn't you e)plain: 5hat that kid needed %as a good paddling"3 3As a $atter of fact( I thought so( too( but I didn't %ant to get into a big hassle %ith +a$ arri&ing any $inute"3 3#hen I ca$e along and $ade $atters %orse" I'$ sorry I acted so rotten" 5hat a $ess7 1orgi&e $e:3 3It %as a $ess( all right" I %as furious" +o$ething al%ays see$s to go %rong bet%een Carol and $e( but belie&e $e( I do try"3

3I kno% you do" I see you %orking at it as hard as you do e&erything else( and I appreciate it" +o %hat the hell keeps us at s%ords' point all the ti$e: +o$e da$n e&il angel:3 +he pulled a%ay /uickly to hide her feelings and( as there see$ed no point in further con&ersation( %ent upstairs" +he checked Carol before going to bed" #he child turned restlessly( and her breathing see$ed /uick and shallo%" Apparently the runa%ay e)perience had affected her $ore than it appeared" It %asn't until $uch later( though( that Christy's subconscious dredged up the source of 'ark's final allusion" Irony never comes in small doses, she thought" If 'ark had recalled the entire /uotation( he %ould ha&e ne&er used it" 3#here is no e&il angel but Lo&e(3 +hakespeare had %ritten"

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CAR-L CA'E !-50 to breakfast late the ne)t $orning( her narro% shoulders hunched under the flo%ered pa;a$as as if she %ere cold in spite of the flushed appearance of her face" 3I'$ thirsty(3 she said fretfully" 3I don't %onder(3 Christy said as she felt Carol's hot forehead" #hen she sa% the telltale scatter of pink blisters on the child's ar$s( %ith a fe% $ore beginning to sho% on her face" 35e're popping you back into bed right no%" Ha&e you e&er had the $easles:3 #hat %as one disease she didn't %ant to get no%" 3I don't think so" !o $easles hurt:3 3It depends" You $ight be unco$fortable for a %hile"3 +he settled Carol in bed %ith a glass of orange ;uice( then telephoned 'ark( but he had not yet reached the office" +he %atched the clock i$patiently" 5hile she %aited( she %ent to call +arah( Robbie's $other" Carol's headache and pee&ish beha&ior yesterday indicated pri$e co$$unicable ti$e %hen the children played together" <eoff ans%ered" 3It has to be chicken po)(3 he said after her e)planation" 3And is $y face red7 I co$pletely forgot to %arn you" #he boys ca$e do%n %ith it the day after Carol's birthday party" 5hen %as that: #hree %eeks ago: #he e)act incubation period7 But they had an unusually light case( no fe&er to speak of( and if %e hadn't disco&ered a fe% blisters on their ar$s( %e'd ne&er ha&e kno%n" 5hat about you( Christy( ha&e you had it:3 35hen I %as &ery young"3 3<ood" It so$eti$es causes shingles in adults" <ad( I surely apologi e for not letting you kno%" -rdinarily it isn't serious e)cept for the itching" You probably %on't need to call the doctor unless her te$perature gets high( AKIL or $ore" I'll bring o&er so$e lotion on $y %ay to the office" Is she badly broken out:3 30ot yet( but she's fe&erish"3 35ell( keep her in bed until her te$perature goes do%n" I hope she gets by as easily as Robbie and 6ent" #hey didn't slo% do%n an iota( darn it7 In fact( %e all %ent to our place at #ahoe the follo%ing %eekend" Incidentally ho% did you like the sho%:3 3#he sho%:3 3Yes( at the 0orth +hore Inn" ?uite a coincidence %e %ere all there on the sa$e night" Couldn't $iss that redheaded beacon of 'ark's e&en though he %as on the far side of the roo$" 5e tried to find you after%ard( but there %as too $uch of a cro%d" I say(3 he chuckled" 35e assu$ed that %as you %ith hi$( or %as it so$e other se)y da$e:3 3=ery funny( <eoff(3 she said in a strangled tone" 34ust kidding( honest" !on't kno% a single couple $ore high,$inded than you t%o" I'll drop the cala$ine off in a fe% $inutes"3 3#hanks" I'd appreciate that"3 Christy hung up the recei&er and tried to cope %ith the roaring in her ears" It %as hu$iliating to disco&er ho% nai&e she had been" 0o% that she thought about it( 'ark's nu$erous out,of,to%n trips could acco$$odate any nu$ber of $eetings %ith !arcy" It ;olted her $ore than she cared to ad$it to find that the arrange$ents she'd o&erheard last night %ere not the first" But the duplicity %as so unlike the 'ark she'd kno%n she could hardly accept it" In her o%n $ind a contract $eant an agree$ent to s%eat out a situation in spite of setbacks or discourage$ent8 it $eant re$aining dependable regardless of crisis or te$ptation" And it $eant not ha&ing to %orry about the other person's integrity" In essence( it all ca$e do%n to trust" 5here had they gone

%rong: +uddenly insight bla ed in her $ind as clear and co$plete as the fugue she'd %ritten for 6aren's ballet" +he cared about 'ark" +he %anted hi$ to ha&e all the /ualities she lo&ed2 integrity( concern( trust" They hadn't gone %rong" !he had gone %rong" +he'd let her guard do%n" #his contract %as for a li$ited ti$e( ti$e for each to acco$plish a specific goal" +he only rationali ed %hen she told herself she resented his lack of integrity" 5hat she really resented %as his interest in !arcy" 3Ad$it it( you're ;ealous(3 she said aloud" #he thought shocked her" 5ell( she $ust bury the truth deep enough to enable her to continue this charade" +o$eho% she plodded through the day and %as grateful for the di&ersion of innu$erable trips up and do%n stairs to tend to Carol's needs" By e&ening( Carol's te$perature( as %ell as her spirits( had al$ost co$pletely returned to nor$al( and it see$ed likely that she( too( %ould ha&e a light case" 'ark didn't return to the office after dinner but sat upstairs %ith Carol %hile Christy finished the dishes" +uddenly she stood absolutely still" +o$ething %as happening to her( so$ething a$a ing( a kind of pressure( a gentle t%isting as if the baby perfor$ed a slo%,$otion pirouette" Her heart beat fast( arid she %aited breathlessly to see if the action %ould happen again" 3-h( baby $ine( %elco$e aboard73 she cried and rushed to share the $ar&el %ith 'ark( then abruptly stopped" 5ould her husband and stepdaughter truly %ant to hear about this $iracle: +o$eho% she doubted it" 'ore likely they'd be annoyed at the intrusion( and the ne%s %ould only $ake the$ unco$fortable" But she had no right to feel bitter" After all( it see$ed the greater kindness not to tell the$" It %asn't fair to in&ol&e the$ in e$otional ties %ith a baby %ho %ould ne&er belong to the$" But the reasoning didn't $ake her feel any better" Later 'ark ca$e do%nstairs and set to %ork on his Australian portfolio" 3I can't i$agine ho% $uch %ork you'&e put in on that" Aren't you al$ost finished:3 Christy asked" He looked at her( or rather it see$ed he looked through her( then nodded" I can't trust you with any more information about this deal. 5as that %hat he thought: #he %ords hung bet%een the$ e&en though he did not speak" +o he still belie&ed she so$eho% had broken her pro$ise" +he %anted to shake hi$( to tell hi$ ho% stubborn and unreasonable he acted" But no( e&eryone kne% her as the tran/uil Christy Brandon" Yes indeed" Christy the plodder( the 'il/uetoast7 +he flashed hi$ a s$all %intry s$ile and %ent up to bed" His suspicions concerning her honesty %ere al$ost too $uch to bear" #hey threaded the days that follo%ed like a rasping tune she couldn't get out of her head" 'AY *A++E! I0#- 'I!,4>0E( but the constraint still persisted like a chronic illness" #ension %as fed by a brittle %ord lightly spoken or one that suddenly held a double $eaning( by silence %hen there should ha&e been talk or by no s$ile at all %hen there should ha&e been one" 1ortunately the days %ere too full no% to allo% $any pri&ate $o$ents" #he co$pleted bids had been sent off to Australia se&eral %eeks ago( and a delegation of in&estors %as to arri&e at last" #o$orro% %as the big day( and all %as in readiness" Christy had &isited 'ark's office yesterday after his rather surprising in&itation" !rea$s( she obser&ed( could be fashioned %ith $aps keyed in colors( architectural renderings on easels( graphs( and folders of i$peccably typed pro;ections" +o as not to disturb the splendid gallery 'ark brought ho$e a set of $anuals to print and asse$ble for the co$ing +an !iego con&ention" +a$ had arri&ed a day early fro$ his Los Angeles office for the Australian conference and insisted on helping 'ark %ith the $anuals" Christy %ondered a little at the e)ecuti&e head of !ouglas Enterprises running the copy $achine as estfully as any office boy( but perhaps such busy,%ork pro&ided a safety &al&e to relie&e the tension of %aiting for the conference" +he could understand the feeling" 'onths ago 'ark had e)plained that !ouglas Enterprises stood to $ake $illions in $achinery sales( %hile of course( 'ark( as director( %ould fulfill his drea$ of setting up a net%ork of franchises in a foreign field" Considering +a$'s gregarious nature( ho%e&er( she e)pected any alternati&e to a lonely hotel roo$ pro&ed a superior choice for hi$" As for herself( she clung to his gusty affection as bal$ for her sagging $orale" 'ean%hile the copier clicked on and on in a kind of gleeful perpetual $otion as it spe%ed out $ountains of print" Christy looked around in despair" 1urniture had been sho&ed out of place to acco$$odate the asse$bly line( and e&ery surface in the dining and li&ing roo$s held stacks of pages ready to sort and staple" #o co$plicate $atters( Aunt 'artha had called late last night" 3+urprise( darling7 5ould you belie&e I'$

in +an 1rancisco on $y %ay to spend a $onth at $y friend Elsa's place( on the lake( you kno%: I'd adore seeing you and 'ark for a day or t%o" Is it con&enient for you to put $e up:3 3-f course7 5e'd lo&e it73 Christy cried and choked up a little at the sound of her aunt's &oice" 'artha refused to be picked up in +an 1rancisco" 0o indeed( she %anted to try out that ne% helicopter ser&ice to +an 1elipe" +he'd probably arri&e to$orro% around three o'clock" Christy hung up and kne% ho% $uch she'd $issed her aunt's e)tra&agant %ar$th and strength" -n the other hand( the call filled her %ith $i)ed feelings" +a$'s and 'ark's clutter $ade the thought of a houseguest do%nright appalling( and she didn't e&en %ant to think about the fuss Aunt 'artha %ould $ake o&er her pregnancy" 'ost %orriso$e of all( her aunt's talented nose %ould s$ell out the troubled at$osphere in the Brandon household in short order" +HE R-+E EARLY the ne)t $orning to get a head start on her %ork( but she felt defeated before she began" #he air had a thick feeling that pro$ised a hot spell" +he thre% open the %indo%s and stood for a $o$ent as her trained ear caught a bird singing notes fro$ a di$inished,se&enth chord" -rdinarily the song %ould ha&e intrigued her( but today the repetition nagged her e)cessi&ely" #he house hadn't been &acuu$ed for se&eral days" It still looked like a paper factory" #he $en had pro$ised to finish the $anuals this $orning( but she %ondered" +a$ arri&ed as they finished breakfast( s%ung the giggling Carol so high she touched her hands on the ceiling( planted a fatherly kiss on Christy's cheek and sniffed ecstatically at the aro$a of freshly baked cinna$on rolls" 3If I could find $e a gal %ho could $ake rolls like these( I'd ha&e $arried her yesterday73 Christy put a couple on a plate for hi$" 31lattery %ill get you so$e%here( $y friend( but not for long if you and 'ark don't clean up your $ess" Re$e$ber( Aunt 'artha arri&es today( and I do ha&e a little pride left in $y housekeeping( gentlemen.) +he accented the %ord and looked at the$ sternly" 3'artha( eh:3 +a$ said" 3-h( she %on't $ind a sno% ;ob like this on a hot day"3 He laughed heartily at his feeble ;oke( then noticed Christy's harried e)pression" 3!on't %orry( honey bunch" By noon %e'll ha&e this place slicker than a hound after a flea bath" Right( 'ark:3 3I certainly plan on it(3 'ark said %ithout looking up" His broad shoulders sho%ed up %ell in the blue knit #,shirt( and his coppery hair already curled da$ply around his forehead" He %as easily the handso$est $an she had e&er kno%n" A$a ing ho% adoration affected one's ;udg$ent( she thought %ryly" 'ark caught her glance( and she looked a%ay /uickly %ith a &ague s$ile( but so$ething $ade her feel $ore like crying" +a$ cleared a%ay the $aterials that littered her piano" 3!idn't $ean to keep you a%ay fro$ your $usic( Christy"3 3It's okay" I'$ not %orking on anything special right no%"3 'ark looked up" 35hat about -'Rourke's su$$er $usical:3 30o" !on't you re$e$ber: I said I planned not to participate in the +an 1elipe *layers this su$$er"3 3-h:3 His inflection could ha&e $eant anything( and Christy preferred not to d%ell on its interpretations" Instead she set her $ind to organi e her $orning" After she co$pleted the house%ork( she $ust shop for groceries and then look for a couple of cool $aternity dresses" +he'd neglected her %ardrobe far too long" And of course( she $ust do so$ething about the sleeping arrange$ents" #he only solution see$ed to bring Carol in %ith her and gi&e Carol's bed to Aunt 'artha" Her face burned at the thought of her aunt's likely disco&ery that 'ark slept on the sofa"

+he'd barely hung fresh to%els in the bath %hen +arah( <eoff s %ife( ca$e to the door" Robbie and 6ent stood round eyed and frightened at her side" 3Could you possibly look after the boys today:3 +arah asked" 3'y parents %ere in an auto$obile accident in +an 1rancisco" I $ust go at once73 Christy looked %ith co$passion at +arah's pale distraught face and felt the fa$iliar stab of pain that al%ays returned at the association of her o%n tragedy" 3-f course" <o ahead" !on't %orry about a thing"3 Christy took the boys upstairs to play %ith Carol" 5ith the callous unconcern of young children they /uickly greeted the occasion as an une)pected lark and began a ga$e of Hide and +eek"

'o$ents later her eyes %idened as an e$ployee fro$ the rental center arri&ed %ith a folding bed" 'ark directed hi$ up to Carol's roo$" 31or 'artha(3 he e)plained after the $an left" 3<uess you'll ha&e to put up %ith $e during 'artha's stay" 5e can't disillusion her at this point( can %e:3 He didn't %ait for an ans%er but returned to his %ork" Christy coa)ed the children out of their hiding places and got the$ in&ol&ed constructing skyscrapers %ith Carol's Leggo blocks( then %ent to $ake up 'artha's bed" +he'd no $ore than tucked in the spread %hen unearthly screeches fro$ the children brought her on the run" Ar$s spread %ide( they slid do%n the banisters( three ;et planes breaking the sound barrier" +a$ %as on the telephone( so Christy hushed the$( grabbed her kitchen ti$er and hustled the$ all outside" 3If you'll play nicely in the sandbo) until this bell rings( there'll be *opsicles for lunch(3 she bribed and set the ti$er for half an hour8 then she ran back inside( deter$ined to double her speed" In the door%ay she stopped abruptly at the sound of 'ark's angry &oice" 35hy do they %ant to go to L"A" first: !idn't they gi&e a reason: #o$orro%'s date has been fir$ for %eeks" I don't like the sound of this( at all73 3#he da$ned Aussies probably took a notion to &isit !isneyland first" #hey're co$ing back to $eet %ith us the first of the %eek(3 +a$ ans%ered" 31irst of the %eek73 'ark cried" 3But that thro%s e&erything off7 !on't they reali e that: 5hat about the tour of the 5ashington and -regon plants: 5e ha&e the flight schedule set up( plane reser&ations( the %orks7 #hat's so$e %ay of doing business"3 Christy's heart began a hea&y dis$ayed thu$ping" +o$ething had gone %rong %ith 'ark's conference %ith the Australians" +he kne% that head/uarters for 5estern Rental %ere located in Los Angeles" 1or the hundredth ti$e she %ondered if she had un%ittingly gi&en Ryan a clue that he $ight ha&e passed on to so$eone connected %ith 5estern" 1ro$ the beginning she %as certain she'd ne&er $entioned 'ark's hopes to anyone( but( oh( Lord( she %asn't sure of anything any$ore" #he $en spent the rest of the $orning on the telephone( their cleanup abruptly halted" Christy set out sand%iches and le$onade for lunch" +a$ and the children kept up a li&ely patter( creating a cordon of gaiety around 'ark's aloof silence" He didn't e&en notice %hen Robbie( then Carol in /uick succession( spilled their le$onade( effecti&ely flooding the table( as %ell as her freshly %a)ed floor" +he $opped up the puddle( then %iped her o%n da$p face %ith a handkerchief" #he te$perature had cli$bed into the nineties( and the house felt stifling" +he sa% +a$ %atching her" 3+ay( s%eetheart(3 he said" 3It's too hot to cook tonight %hat %ith 'artha co$ing and all" I'&e already $ade reser&ations to take the <er$an party to Chateau Au&ergne for dinner( and I %ant you( 'ark and 'artha to ;oin us"3 3-h( +a$ bless you" #hat %ill be $ar&elous73 Christy said %ith a profound sense of relief and kne% her afternoon's %ork %ould be cut in half" 3As a $atter of fact( I'&e a capital thought(3 +a$ continued" He leaned back and clasped his hands as if to appreciate his idea to the fullest" Christy kne% e)actly %hat %as co$ing" 3It's nice to get these foreigners into an honest,to, gosh A$erican ho$e( you kno%" 5hy not ha&e the$ here for a fe% drink first: I'll host the li/uor( and $aybe you could set out a little so$ething to nibble on( say( $aybe a fe% of 'artha's great stuffed $ushroo$s:3

!is$ay shot through Christy" +tuffed $ushroo$s7 !id +a$ ha&e any conception of the ti$e it took to prepare that per&erse hors d'oeu&re: >p to no% in her relati&ely short span of entertaining( stuffed $ushroo$s spelled poison" 1h, !am, she thought( what do you thin& I am . #onder #oman, Do I dare refuse, she %ondered" +he'd had it %ith the heat8 it had sapped all her energy( and her back ached intolerably" Ho% could she possibly $anage to get the house in order and the food prepared for the cocktail hour: +o$ething $ust ha&e finally caught 'ark's attention" At least( he looked on as if curious to see ho% she'd handle +a$'s latest challenge" Christy assessed his thoughts" 0o %ay %ould she allo% hi$ to catch her faulting her duty" +he bea$ed at +a$ as if along %ith the heat( the energetic children and the state of the house( he'd ;ust handed her an une)pected bonus" 35e'll be delighted( %on't %e 'ark:3 she purred" 3-f course(3 he said and looked a$used for the first ti$e today" +he deposited the children in front of the upstairs #= hoping they %ould %atch at least an hour of +aturday,afternoon 3+esa$e +treet3 reruns( then raced to ans%er the doorbell again" #he place had turned into <rand Central +tation7 #his ti$e it %as Ryan" He looked cool in beach shorts and %hite terry top" 3Hey(3 he said after they all e)changed greetings" 3All this acti&ity is do%nright re&olting on a hot day like this" I'$ on the %ay to $y beach cottage" Care to ;oin $e and cool off for a %hile: In&itation is %ide open"3 His gesture included the $en( but his eyes rested on Christy" 3#hanks( but %e're pretty in&ol&ed" Co$pany is arri&ing( as %ell(3 'ark ans%ered /uickly" Ryan handed Christy a folder" 3I'll not interrupt( then" 4ust %anted to drop this $usic off to you" +orry I didn't get to it earlier" 5e'll talk about it %hen you ha&e $ore ti$e"3 He grinned at the $en" 3Can't let this girl get out of practice( can %e:3 He left then and sprinted do%n the %alk as if it %ere a cool frosty $orning" 5hat $usic( she %ondered and caught 'ark's kno%ing glance" !o you and +yan have something coo&ing this summer, after all, he $ight as %ell ha&e said" +he re$e$bered no%" After the cha$ber,$usic group's progra$ at the %inery %eeks ago( Ryan $entioned he %ould drop off so$e $usic so that she $ight consider ;oining the$ for future perfor$ances" +he spread out the $usic on her piano rack so that 'ark could not $iss the titles2 Beetho&en's *iano ?uintet opus AE and 'o art's ?uintet kJCI" +urely 'ark could see that such $usic had no relation to a frothy su$$er $usical" Any%ay( she %ouldn't dignify his suspicions %ith further protest" #he $en returned to their cleanup( but as they stopped to discuss so$e point of business or talk on the telephone( their pace see$ed $addeningly slo%" Christy trailed the$ as close as she dared %ith dust cloth and &acuu$( $ean%hile thinking about the cocktail party" +he had a tasty al$ond cla$ dip that took only $inutes( or %ould the <er$an gentle$en prefer herring in sour crea$: +he could get that at the delicatessen( then she %ould delegate the stuffed $ushroo$s to Aunt 'artha if she arri&ed in ti$e" -ther%ise she %ouldn't touch the$ %ith a ten,foot pole" Hea&ens( +a$'s cliches %ere getting contagious" As she ad;usted the draperies against the afternoon sun( she sa% a ta)i pull up to the curb" Aunt 'artha7 At least an hour early7 Dear od, Christy thought" .ow I must loo&$ +he kne% perspiration beaded her face( and she still had on that sa$e old housedress" +he

opened the door and fell into Aunt 'artha's e$brace( then felt herself held out at ar$'s length" 3!arlings7 5hy didn't you tell $e:3 +he hugged Christy again" #hroat aching( Christy clung al$ost %ith desperation" 'ark's eyes looked distant( e&en a little hard" 35e see$ to recall that you en;oy surprises( 'artha(3 he said s$oothly and bent to recei&e her kiss" +a$ ca$e o&er and kissed 'artha soundly on the cheek" 35ell( if it isn't $y best girl7 Ho% lucky can I get73 3+a$( you old tycoon" 5hat are you doing here cluttering up the place:3 #hey laughed heartily( t%o old friends %ho ne&er fooled one another for a $inute" #hen they turned the con&ersation to the baby( and Christy braced herself for the endless ra&es and %ondered if her face $ight set fore&er in the plastic s$ile she forced" After another round of greetings and introductions %ith the children( 'artha retired to her roo$ for a little rest( and Christy sat do%n in the stea$ing kitchen to $ake out a shopping list" Already the day see$ed forty,eight hours long( and it %as only half o&er" +he %ould think of only one thing at a ti$e( and perhaps she'd $uddle through" 1a$iliar shrieks fro$ the stair%ay suddenly rent her ner&es" Apparently the children %ere sliding do%n the banister again" 'ark strode into the kitchen( opened the refrigerator and took out a beer" 3!on't tell $e you in&ited those little $onsters for the entire day:3 Christy continued to %rite" If he didn't like their shenanigans( %hy didn't he do so$ething about it: 3I told you it %as an e$ergency" +arah %ould ha&e done the sa$e for us"3 3A rather one,sided bargain( and ye gods( %hat ti$ing73 3Yes( isn't it:3 He gulped the beer and %atched her %rite" 3Another list: Christy and her security blanket7 5e can cope %ith anything if %e $ake a list( can't %e:3 Christy looked up sharply" +o$ething $ust be getting to hi$" 5ell( a fe% things %ere getting to her( too" 3You bet I like to $ake lists(3 she snapped" 3I function better %hen I plan ahead"3
3You kno%( you %ouldn't get so uptight if you didn't let people %alk o&er you(3 he said"

+he felt her body tighten" 3#hanks for the ad&ice" I'll file it for future study %hen I ha&e the time.) 35ell( da$$it( %hy can't you learn to keep things si$ple:3 3+i$ple( he says73 she cried" 3You and +a$ ha&e the house littered like the city du$p" I'$ supposed to $ake it presentable for the cocktail party( not to $ention preparing the food( %ith about half the ti$e I need7 -h( don't bother to rub it in" I'$ sure !arcy could $anage %ith one hand tied behind her back73 His eyes narro%ed in a stony face" 35hat's the $atter( $y girl: Is the stud fee getting too high for this little arrange$ent:3 Christy gasped" +urely she'd not heard that" 'ark ne&er spoke crudely( but the %ords hung bet%een the$ in the ghastly silence" .e wants out now, she thought( curious that she had been so blind" +he sat terrified" Her heart pounded so hard he surely $ust hear it" +he rested an elbo% on the table and leaned her cheek against one hand( then kept her eyes do%n and pretended to concentrate on her list" Her knuckles glea$ed %hite at the hold on her pencil" If she gripped hard enough( perhaps she could control the sobs rising in her throat" +uddenly he reached for%ard and laid a hand on her shoulder" 3<ood Lord( Christy( I

didn't $ean that7 5hat can I say: I'&e had a rotten $orning( and I'$ taking it out on you" Can you forgi&e $e:3 Christy didn't kno% if the anguish in his &oice %as real or i$agined" +he ga&e no indication that she heard" Any%ay( the hurt %ent so deep her lips couldn't for$ an ans%er e&en if she thought of one" His hand reached for the list" 3Ha&e yoli finished:3 he asked /uietly" +he nodded and kept hGr head do%n" 3I'll take care of it(3 he said and left" Apparently he took the children %ith hi$ because the house beca$e unusually silent"

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
BY +E=E0 -'CL-C6 #HA# E=E0I0< +a$'s 3little so$ething to nibble on3 rested te$ptingly on se&eral platters in the kitchen" #he li&ing roo$ appeared i$$aculate %ith not e&en a paper clip to hint of its recent chaos" +a$ insisted on ordering flo%ers for the occasion" Apparently the florist e)celled in funeral arrange$ents( Christy decided as she placed the o&ersi ed spray of %hite gladioli in front of the fireplace and set the stiff bou/uet of stalk and iris on the coffee table" +till( they added a certain flair to the roo$( and considering the present state of affairs( they %eren't all that inappropriate( she thought %ryly" An hour ago the boys' grateful $other took ho$e all three children %ith an in&itation for Carol to spend the night" 0o% a fan fro$ the rental center set the air in a pleasant cooling $otion" All %as in readiness" 'iracles %ere not confined to antedilu&ian pheno$ena( after all" Christy( sho%ered and refreshed( %ore the ne% hostess go%n she'd found ti$e to purchase late this afternoon" A$a ing ho% clothes affected one's state of $ind" #onight the a%k%ardness she'd felt all day in the ill,fitting housedress &anished" 0o% she felt elegant( e&en beautiful( in the crea$,and,apricot silk( %hich floated %ith soft grace in the currents $ade by the fan" A glance in the hall $irror assured her again that the go%n co$pli$ented her auburn hair and the ne% softness of her i&ory co$ple)ion" +he looked e&ery inch the gracious hostess" +he'd %illed herself to look the part( but inside she $o&ed %arily in the dark aura of 'ark's re;ection" If only she'd held fast to her original goal( the I,told,you,so's %ould not no% corrode her days" Re$aining e$otionally unin&ol&ed %ould ha&e gi&en her a sense of freedo$ in the relationship" #here %ould ha&e been no %ounds( no acri$ony" But her reason had failed to apply the brakes" #he $en had been gone since $idafternoon to $eet %ith the <er$an delegation" !ouglas Enterprises pro&ided a natural focus for such touring business groups" In addition to the rental,franchise chain in the %estern states and the cattle,breeding ranches in #e)as( there %ere t%o electronic $anufacturing plants in -hio" #he office in +an 1elipe( set up %ith displays for the truant Australians( beca$e a bonus for the une)pected <er$an &isitors" E&eryone arri&ed at once" +a$ and 'artha( ebullient in their fa&orite roles( plied the four <er$ans %ith drinks and ani$ated chatter" 'iss Annaliese +trub( the attracti&e young secretary fro$ the consulate %ho had chauffeured her co$patriots fro$ +an 1rancisco( $o&ed in the background %ith the unobtrusi&e assurance of the perfect secretary( but Christy noted that the girl's slightly slanted green eyes glittered %ith e)cite$ent" +he soon attached herself to 'ark" And %hy not: He %as easily the $ost attracti&e $an present" He looked sharp in his %hite linen ;acket %ith na&y slacks( but his body( usually held %ith such /uiet confidence had an electric /uality tonight" His gestures %ere fre/uent and ner&ous( and he see$ed to laugh too readily at 'iss +trub's apparently a$using chatter" -nly once did he ackno%ledge Christy's presence" 5hen she offered hi$ a tray of canapes( she sa% such an odd intense e)pression behind his eyes that she %ondered if he $ight say so$ething personal( a fe% $agic %ords that %ould help close the e$otional gap that had %idened so painfully" But he only sa$pled a $orsel fro$ her tray" 3=ery nice(3 he $ur$ured and turned to say so$ething to one of the guests( effecti&ely dis$issing her as if she'd been nothing $ore than a $ildly distracting intrusion" +he ached to touch his hand( to try to bring hi$ back( but she had the feeling if she reached out( he %ould &anish" Later( +a$ caught her %atching 'ark fro$ across the roo$" +a$ grinned and ga&e her an e)aggerated %ink" +he hoped her face had not re&ealed too $uch"

#hree of the <er$ans spoke %ith hea&y accents( but the fourth( a distinguished,looking gentle$an( older than the others( spoke English fluently" Christy offered hi$ so$e cheese" 3'r" +trauss( did I understand your first na$e %as Richard: 5ould you be a descendant of your fa$ous country$an of that na$e:3 His eyes lit up as if he'd found an oasis in a desert" 30o( only an ad$irer" I take it you are a $usician( 'rs" Brandon:3 It see$ed 'r" +trauss had been an oboist in his youth and re$ained an a&id $usic lo&er" #hey discussed their shared interest %ith ani$ation( fro$ the neglected Italian baro/ue co$posers to the prepared $usic of the a&ant,garde" 3-f course( I really relate to the Ro$antics( +chubert in particular" !oes that tune $e out of your generation( 'rs" Brandon:3 3But of course not" +chubert is ne&er out,of,date(3 Christy said %ar$ly" -nce during a little break in the con&ersation( she %as astounded to hear 'ark speaking slo% but precise <er$an" A feeling of desolation s%ept through her" Ho% $any facets %ould she ne&er kno% about this $an: 'r" +trauss suddenly held up his hand for attention" 3I propose 'rs" Brandon play for us"3 #he others spoke up politely to ;oin the in&itation" +he %anted to refuse" It %asn't likely 'r" +trauss's co$panions shared his est for $usic" #hey'd $ore likely prefer to continue their business talk" But she shunned the e)tra attention that %ould result fro$ a coa)ing $atch and rose at once" As she %ent to her piano( 'iss +trub $o&ed again to 'ark's side and slipped an ar$ through his( leaned close and %hispered so$ething in his ear" He flashed her a brilliant s$ile( and she settled back %ith a self,satisfied air" Christy felt sudden unreasoned anger( intense and bitter" If that's a patroni5ing smile you wear, 3iss !trub, here's a little number for you, and it isn't the 3inuet in . Christy took the da ling Chopin Re&olution, ary Etude at a $urderous pace" Adrenaline flo%ed freely as she e)hibited stunning techni/ue in the deliberately chosen sho%piece" At the conclusion 'iss +trub looked a little stunned( a far $ore satisfying accolade than the chorus of bra&os that follo%ed" Her anger dissipated( she %ould ha&e preferred to follo% the fiery piece %ith the Chopin E,flat 0octurne( but the $usic held too $any poignant $e$ories" It %as the piece she'd perfor$ed for 'ark the first night he $ade lo&e to her" +he took a deep breath" 3#hank you(3 she said gra&ely" 3And no% I'd like to play so$e +chubert especially for 'r" +trauss"3 But it %asn't Herr +trauss for %ho$ she perfor$ed the $o&ing A,flat 'usical" +he allo%ed herself a brief glance at 'ark and let the $usic co$e fro$ her heart" 5hen she lifted her hands after the final shi$$ering chord( there follo%ed a spontaneous hush( the authentic tribute that ackno%ledges true co$$unication bet%een artist and audience" All e)cept 'ark( she noted bleakly" His face see$ed fro en into blankness as if his thoughts rested in so$e distant pro&ince" -r %as he $erely bored: +he accepted the enthusiastic co$pli$ents and %ent to the kitchen to replenish the hors d'oeu&res" Aunt 'artha follo%ed" 3Let $e do that(3 she said" 3You look a%fully pale" !o you feel all right:3 34ust a bit %orn out %ith this hot spell(3 Christy $ur$ured and continued to arrange the food" +a$ poured another round of drinks( and Christy held her head high as she passed the hors d'oeu&res once again" By the ti$e +a$ suggested they lea&e for the restaurant( Christy kne% for the baby's sake and her o%n she $ust get off her feet as soon as possible" +he effecti&ely pleaded her condition( shook hands %ith the guests and %ished the$ %ell( and kne% she didn't i$agine 'iss +trub's look of relief as that attracti&e young %o$an %alked %ith 'ark out to the co$pany station %agon" +o$eone had $o&ed the fan into the bedroo$" <ratefully she let the stir of air cool her body as she undressed" #hen she stretched out on the bed( her thoughts %ith the dinner party" By no% the group %ould be dri&ing up the long %inding road that led to the %inery" +he &isuali ed the &ineyards in the rosy dusk( spraying their lu)uriant green ro%s o&er the hillsides" +a$ had $entioned that the restaurant %ith its turrets and stone e)terior %as re$iniscent of an old,%orld castle" #he scene $ight %ell pro&ide a touch of nostalgia for the <er$ans( she thought" Her $ind turned to the attracti&e secretary" *oor 'iss +trub" All e&ening she'd unkno%ingly pro&ided a nifty fetish for Christy's poison darts" -h( yes( poor 'iss +trub" At this &ery $o$ent the green,eyed Annaliese en;oyed dinner %ith 'ark %hile Christy had sent herself off to bed" +he fell asleep at last to the rhyth$ic %hir of the fan( $ildly a$used at herself as she i$agined a sli$ and gla$orous Christy in the candlelit restaurant %ith an attenti&e 'ark at her side"

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHRI+#Y A5-6E the ne)t $orning %ith an irkso$e start" Hea&ens7 It %as al$ost ten o'clock3" 5hat %ould Aunt 'artha think: +he recalled sleepily that 'ark had left se&eral hours ago" 3!on't get up(3 he said" 3I'$ going out of to%n today" I'll get breakfast on the road" *robably return to$orro% afternoon" If anyone needs to get in touch( here's the nu$ber"3 He ga&e the infor$ation /uickly as if he %anted to be done %ith it and left the card on the dresser" +he %ondered no% if this %as the rende &ous %ith !arcy she'd o&erheard hi$ plan on the telephone" +he felt certain of it" +he figured the date for earlier this $onth( but %ith all the furor o&er the delayed conference( he probably changed it" +he dressed auto$atically %hile her $ind prodded the actuality( %orried it( sho&ed it around and then struggled to find at least one reason %hy she should let it concern her" A fa$iliar ache started at the base of her neck" +he %anted to cra%l back into bed and let her $ind go blank" Instead( she $ust appear before Aunt 'artha in a fe% $o$ents as the happy young %ife( passionately concerned %ith pregnancy( the price of eggs and %hat to fi) for dinner" +he picked up the card and studied the telephone nu$ber" +he had no idea ho% $uch territory the area code included" -f course( she could check the code $ap in the telephone book" Yes( she could if she %ere a $iserable sneak" +he reached for the book" 1&ay, Christy, so you're a miserable snea&. Area code'FAE co&ered a substantial area including 'itchelburg( %here a ne% franchise center recently opened( and %here a follo%,up &isit by 'ark at this ti$e %ould be perfectly logical" Her finger $o&ed o&er the $ap" #ahoe also shared the code( and !arcy appeared in so$e supper club there e&ery night" +he dialed the nu$ber before she had ti$e to reconsider" 'o$ents later a pleasant $ale &oice ans%ered" 3#ahoe Inn" 'ay I help you:3 +he eased the recei&er back into its cradle and tried to %ipe out the sense of ine&itability that o&erca$e her" =oices fro$ the kitchen tugged her back to duty( and she hurried do%nstairs" Carol and Aunt 'artha %ere cutting out gingerbread $en( giggling as they t%isted ar$s and legs into outrageous contortions" 3<ood $orning( you t%o" I o&erslept and I'$ so sorry"3 Aunt 'artha %iped her hands and poured a cup of coffee for Christy" 35ell( you should ha&e stayed in bed until noon" 'y %ord( I can't belie&e all the entertaining you're e)pected to do around here( besides keeping this place up73 +he %a&ed her ar$s e)pansi&ely as if the s$all to%n house e/ualed at least a t%enty,roo$ $ansion" 3And you pregnant %ith no help7 Belie&e $e( I told those $en a thing or t%o last night" Hasn't 'ark e&er heard of an e)pense account( for hea&en's sake:3 Christy s$iled at her aunt's tirade" 3And ha&en't you heard about +a$'s +uper +ales theory: Rela)( Aunt 'artha" I don't $ind the entertaining" I'&e actually co$e to en;oy it since I ga&e up trying to $atch your gour$et affairs"3 Aunt 'artha did not stop fro%ning as she studied Christy's face" 30e&ertheless( so$ething's not right" You need a rest" 5hy( you'&e not gained a pound( and those shado%s under your eyes $ake you look like a candidate for a sanitariu$" <racious( child( %ith all the hor$ones perking during pregnancy( you should positi&ely glo%"3 3-h( co$e Aunt 'artha( I'&e gained ten pounds7 It's ;ust the heat that $akes $e look this %ay"3 35ell( young lady( I'&e already talked it o&er %ith 'ark and Carol( and I'$ taking Carol %ith $e to the lake for a $onth" I %ant you to speak to that doctor of yours at your &ery ne)t appoint$ent" 'ark $y %ords( you need iron or so$ething73 -r something, likely" +o$ething she could anchor to( so$ething that %ould bring focus to the gray $uddle her life had beco$e" Carol had s%itched her attention fro$ the cookies to the con&ersation" J '5hat does pregnancy $ean:3 she asked" #he /uestion unner&ed Christy" Ho% should she ans%er: I'$ going to beco$e a $other: A lie7 Her throat beca$e so constricted she couldn't speak" +he tore a piece of toast into bits and tried to get hold of herself" Aunt 'artha glanced at her sharply( then turned to Carol" 3It $eans( $y pet( that you are going to ha&e a little brother or sister one of these days"3 3A little brother(3 Carol asserted %ith e/uani$ity in the %ay of the &ery young and the &ery old %ho took surprise as a $atter of course" 3I'll help take care of hi$( %on't I( Christy:3 Christy nodded unsteadily and began to clear the table" 3Ha&e you talked to Beth recently: I suppose she kno%s about the baby:3 Aunt 'artha asked" 35ell( I'&e been so busy that it's been al$ost a $onth since I'&e %ritten" -rdinarily %e %rite or chat on

the phone e&ery other %eek or so" I ha&en't $entioned the baby yet" I %as afraid she $ight feel upset( kno%ing I can ha&e a child and she can't" I'd like to %ait a %hile longer"3 30onsense" +he'll be delighted" It %ill gi&e her a ne% lease on life"3 3I hope so(3 Christy said( s%allo%ing hard( and left the$ to finish baking their cookies %hile she %ent upstairs to tidy her roo$" +he felt grateful that Carol %as to &acation %ith Aunt 'artha" *erhaps after the $onth ended( she'd go back to !arcy( and the incident %ould fade" Carol needed no $ore disappointing e$otional entangle$ents" 5HE0 'AR6 ARRI=E! H-'E the ne)t day( he %as in a buoyant $ood" He hugged Carol and ga&e her a sil&er,and,tur/uoise bracelet" He kept up a li&ely banter %ith Aunt 'artha and co$pli$ented Christy outrageously on the shri$p Louis she'd prepared for dinner" +he could understand( of course" A night in the ar$s of the beautiful !arcy could restore his sense of %ell,being" #o add to his good spirits( the Australians %ould arri&e to$orro% at last for the long,a%aited conference" But Christy $o&ed on a different le&el" +he felt as if she ho&ered like a %atchful spirit %ho $onitored her body as it $o&ed like a robot( spoke the correct %ords and s$iled at the proper ti$e" 'ark left early the ne)t $orning to $eet the Australians' plane in +an 1rancisco( his $ood still e)uberant" 3I hope e&erything goes %ell(3 she said %ith a forced s$ile but kne% he didn't need her good %ishes" He'd arrange things( she thought" 0o holds barred" Later as she and Aunt 'artha $ade ready to take Carol shopping for so$e play clothes appropriate for the lake( Christy heard a co$$otion at the front door" 3!arlin's here73 Carol cried" *onytail bobbing( she tugged at Ryan's hand and pu$ped it e)citedly as she dre% hi$ into the roo$" 3Hey( princess( you're &iolating $y patent %ith that darlin' stuff"3 He ga&e her a broad %ink and turned to Christy" 3And ho%'s our pregnant girl:3 Carol tilted up her head" 3I kno% %hat pregunant $eans(3 she declared" Ryan t%eaked her ponytail" 35ell( do you no%: #hat $akes you healthy( %ealthy and %ise( right:3 Aunt 'artha ca$e do%n( and Christy $ade introductions" 3<ood hea&ens( I'$ finally getting to $eet +uper$an" I kno% all about you( you kno%(3 Aunt 'artha said" 3<ood" #hen( of course( you're on $y side(3 Ryan ans%ered" Christy %atched( a$used( as Ryan deepened his &oice( coated his %ords %ith a lilting accent and in appro)i$ately fi&e $inutes char$ed Aunt 'artha co$pletely" 3Ryan( %e'&e $issed you(3 Christy said %ith a kno%ing inflection %hen she finally got a %ord in the con&ersation" He $ade a face" 3Co$e no%( you kno% ho% plural pronouns offend $e" 5hat about you( singular:3 Christy laughed" 3You ne&er change( Ryan" #hank goodness"3 Ryan thu$ped hi$self on the chest" 3#he Rock of <ibraltar( that's $e73 30ot only ungra$$atical( but untrue" You're a chip straight off the old Blarney stone" Incidentally I thought you %ere staying out at +ea House this su$$er:3 3#rue" I spent a couple of %eeks after school ended( lying $indlessly in the sun( ogling sea gulls( sandpipers and bikinis" But no% it's %rap,up ti$e so that I can start $y ne% ;ob"3 Christy looked up sharply" He grinned" 3Yes( I ;ust recei&ed the call an hour ago" You're looking at the ne% director of Rockledge73 Christy's eyes $isted" 3I can't tell you ho% glad I a$ for you" I'&e %illed it to turn out this %ay fro$ the &ery beginning"3 3And it %orked7 You're $y good,luck char$( darlin'"3 3Ryan's a director(3 Carol cried and clapped her hands" Ryan looked the$ o&er appreciati&ely" 3+ay( you three look $ighty dressed up" A$ I interrupting so$ething:3 Christy e)plained the shopping e)cursion" 35ell( then( I'&e a great idea( ladies" I'$ in the $ood for celebrating" 'ay I take you all to lunch: 5e'll go to the Ha$ilton House %here %e can shop( as %ell as dine"3 3A $an after $y o%n heart(3 Aunt 'artha cried and( %ith a graceful t%irl of her pleated skirt and trailing an essence of perfu$e( she bustled out to get her handbag" Christy s$iled" 0o stage %as too s$all

for Aunt 'artha's sense of dra$a" #he Ha$ilton House had been a three,story =ictorian $ansion near the center of to%n restored by an enterprising couple %ho turned the first floor into a restaurant and opened s$all shops on the others" Ryan's in&itation couldn't ha&e co$e at a $ore ti$ely $o$ent" *erhaps for a little %hile she could stop thinking about 'ark and !arcy" Carol sat beside Ryan as they dro&e to the restaurant( and the t%o chatted as al%ays %ith instant ca$araderie" 1ro$ the back seat %ith Aunt 'artha( Christy listened and fi)ed her ga e on Ryan's handso$e blond head" +he kne% /uite %ell ho% $uch she %ould $iss this %ar$ caring $an" If she'd $et hi$ first( %ell( it could ha&e been easy to fall in lo&e %ith hi$" But Ryan lo&ed e&eryone" Like Aunt 'artha( he found so$ething in each person that fascinated hi$" 30o people are uninteresting" #heir fate is like the chronicles of planets(3 Ye&tushenko %rote in his poe$( and it described Ryan's perspecti&e to a T. But she %as not sure that kind of lo&e included the co$$it$ent( the inti$acy and faithfulness for %hich she yearned and needed" #he noonti$e cro%d filled the restaurant( and the hostess said there %ould be at least an hour's %ait for a table" +o they %ent to bro%se the shops first" Carol clutched her coin purse( %ide,eyed at the choices( %hile Aunt 'artha( an in&eterate shopper( declared the place an absolute find" Ryan trailed the three fe$ales for a %hile %ith a$used tolerance( bought Carol a furry bean,bag guinea pig( then shifted his %eight i$patiently as Aunt 'artha and Carol looked at bathing suits" 3+hopping isn't $y thing(3 he said finally" 3'artha( you and Carol finish buying out the place and $eet us in the foyer in a half hour" Christy and I are going to ha&e a drink"3 #he cro%d had thinned a bit( and they $anaged to find chairs in a far corner of the bar" #he place %as air,conditioned and blessedly cool( and on a nearby table an ice sculpture of a breaking %a&e lapped against a spray of %hite lilacs" Christy ga&e herself up to the healing at$osphere and Ryan's solicitous attention" Ryan( her dear friend %ho ne&er failed her( %ho $ade her feel cherished( a person of &alue" +he started to order a $argarita and abruptly changed to a %ine cooler" 'ark had introduced her to $argaritas( and they held too $any painful $e$ories of their first happy days together" Christy lifted her drink and toasted Ryan's success" 3And here's to your drea$s" 'ay they all be reali ed73 His eyes glea$ed" E&en as she spoke( she suspected his $ind seethed %ith eager plans" 3#hanks( darlin'" I don't deny I'$ cha$ping at the bit" I'$ not on the payroll for another $onth( but I %ant to get things rolling i$$ediately" I $eet ne)t %eek %ith the board of directors"3 3And Alicia:3 35e'll %ork together for the rest of the su$$er"3 3I liked her &ery $uch %hen I $et her"3 3+he is a beautiful person . in $any %ays like you( Christy( but9"3 3But:3 He s$iled( but not /uickly enough to co&er the %istful e)pression in his clear blue eyes" 3As you kno%( in $y entire life I'&e ne&er been lucky in lo&e(3 he said" 3Alicia has a lot of pain to get o&er" I ha&e a fe% hurts $yself" 5e'll ;ust take it a day at a ti$e"3 A day at a ti$e" 'aybe that %ould %ork for her( too" A pattern of success: +he hoped so" Ryan toasted her %ith his dai/uiri( then frankly scanned her figure" 3Are you sure you didn't s%allo% a peach pit( $y girl: I thought babies %ere &ery $uch up front by no%"3 +he took a sip of her drink before ans%ering" 3I'$ barely si) $onths" It's probably the %ay I'$ built"3 He fro%ned slightly but changed the sub;ect" 3I sense i$pro&ed rapport %ith Carol" 5hat did I tell you:3 3It's Aunt 'artha's influence" #hey took to each other right off" I $ust say Carol asks $e to fi) her hair and help her dress no%" +he %ouldn't e&en let $e touch her for a long ti$e" *erhaps that's a plus for progress"3 3*ositi&ely73 His eyes narro%ed" 35hat about all those other cob%ebs in the corner: <ot those s%ept a%ay yet:3 +he %ilted" Don't spoil this, she begged silently" #ears gla ed her eyes( and she bit her lip" He reached across the table and took her hands in his" 3+o 'ark is still %earing blinders"3 0ot 'ark( she thought" +he %as the one %ho %ore blinders" Ho% else %ould she ha&e plunged herself into such a hopeless situation: #here %as no %ay she could %in" +he %as as terrified as if she'd been sho&ed on the concert stage %ithout kno%ing one note of the $usic"

A hearty fa$iliar laugh e)ploded at the other end of the bar( and Christy looked up /uickly to recogni e +a$ !ouglas's broad back" He gestured grandly to a s$all group of $en around hi$" 'ark stood in their $idst facing her" +he $et his deep blue eyes( and they looked through her( cold as a %inter free e" -nly a lift of his bro% indicated he recogni ed her" +he pulled her hands fro$ Ryan's %ar$ clasp" 5hat 'ark $ust think7 5ith e&ery breath she despised the look of duplicity and %ished by so$e $iracle that 'artha and Carol %ould %alk in that instant to ;oin the$" "ou fool, why all this panic, she asked herself" "ou're perfectly innocent *nyway, you should reali5e by now that 3ar& doesn 't give a damn what you do. +he $anaged to keep her &oice steady as she asked Ryan about his +ea House( then fi)ed her eyes on his face in a kind of desperate attention" -nce she stole a s%ift glance at 'ark and caught the rusty curl of his hair( his %ide shoulders in the %ell,tailored business suit( the assurance of his stance( and drilled e&ery detail into her $e$ory so that it both into)icated and panicked her" E&entually +a$'s party disappeared %ith their drinks into an ad;acent sheltered alco&e" Christy rose" 3I'$ hungry(3 she lied" 3Isn't it ti$e to $eet our shoppers:3 #o Christy's relief( all through lunch Carol and Aunt 'artha babbled about their purchases and their trip to the lake" Christy barely touched the icy fruit salad as she %illed 'ark to co$e into the dining roo$" 'ean%hile she hoped the intuiti&e Ryan %ould not detect her inner tur$oil" Later he took the$ ho$e %ith a pro$ise to in&ite the$ all to +ea House as soon as Carol and 'artha returned fro$ their &acation" 'AR6 !I!0'# C-'E H-'E for dinner that e&ening( nor did he call" 5rapping up the Australian contract consu$ed a good $any hours apparently" 'artha finished packing( and she and Carol retired early so they %ould be fresh for to$orro%'s ;ourney" Christy puttered around the house( pulled out a fe% %ilted flo%ers fro$ a bou/uet and rearranged it( thu$bed through a $aga ine and finally settled in a chair to %ork on the infant afghan Aunt 'artha had taught her ho% to crochet" #he baby see$ed unusually acti&e tonight" +he supposed she %ould ne&er get o&er the %onder and $ystery at feeling that asserti&e little being tend to its daily e)ercise" -ne could get so preoccupied %ith the %hole pheno$enon7 0o %onder e&ery pregnant %o$an felt as if she %ere ha&ing the %orld's first baby" It %as al$ost $idnight %hen 'ark finally arri&ed" He nodded briefly at her and %ent to the li/uor cabinet and poured a brandy" +he caught her breath %hen she sa% hi$ full in the light( eyes bloodshot( face sco%ling so horrendously he $ust hold enough fury to fire off a rocket" -h( Lord( so$ething $ust ha&e gone %rong" 5hat if she and Ryan had spoiled 'ark's grand chance( after all: 3Can I get you so$ething: A sand%ich: +o$e coffee:3 she asked carefully" Her %ords $ight ha&e glanced off a deaf and indifferent %all" 'o$ents later he stared at her as if he only then noticed her" o away, Christy. Don't bother me, his look i$plied" He do%ned the brandy( poured another( then settled in a chair and picked up a ne%spaper" He fi)ed his attention so rigidly Christy kne% he didn't read it" 3I hope you're not drinking all that brandy on an e$pty sto$ach:3 she said" He flung do%n his paper" 3!a$$it( lea&e $e alone" I ate at the airport"3 Christy's eyes %idened as she %atched hi$ recede again into so$e pri&ate $aelstro$" #he silence crept o&er and around the$ as if to obliterate her( but she felt co$pelled to break through" 3+o$ething has happened( 'ark" Can't you talk about it:3 He loosened his tie and ;erked it off" 35ell( if you $ust kno%( the deal is off( do%n the drain73 +he s%allo%ed hard and forced herself to ask the dread /uestion" 3I hope it %asn't anything I $ight ha&e said to9 to anyone"3 He looked at her as if he &ie%ed her through a $icroscope and felt repelled by %hat he sa%" 3!on't %orry" You and your Ryan had nothing to do %ith it" #he decision %as $ade to a%ard the director's position to the son of the largest in&estor( the young fello% I $et for dinner at the country club a %hile back" 0o e)perience( but a nice guy ;ust out of college" #hey like $y plan ;ust fine %ith so$e $inor alterations . such as using $e for the consultant" I'd ha&e no part of the real action" #hanks( but no thanks" I pulled out co$pletely"3 3-h( 'ark( ho% unfair7 All that %ork7 'onths do%n the drain73 His $outh t%isted" 35ell( for <od's sake( you needn' t hold a re/uie$ $ass73 +he tried to assess the retort as a safety &al&e released against his disappoint$ent( but it hurt that he %ouldn't accept her sy$pathy" 3It's been a frustrating year( hasn't it:3 35ell( $y dear( it %ill soon be o&er( and the sooner the better for you( I gather" Incidentally that %as a

co y little scene I %itnessed at the Ha$ilton House today"3 Her hackles rose" 3Ryan took us all to lunch( Carol( Aunt 'artha and $e(3 she said stiffly" 3A $ighty refreshing change( I $ight add" Ryan and I had a drink %hile Aunt 'artha and Carol finished their shopping" I find it a rather innocent e)cursion co$pared to your %eekend %ith !arcy"3 He glared at her fiercely" 3!arcy and I ha&e certain priorities that ha&e nothing to do %ith you"3 3I accept that( so %hy should you ob;ect to $y friendship %ith Ryan( and I do $ean friendship" After all( %e didn't include any specifics regarding such relationships in our $arriage contract"3 3!on't you $ean our contract for disaster:3 he snapped" +he felt sick and s%ung a%ay so he couldn't see her face" #he roo$ %as silent e)cept for the delicate %hir of the electric clock as it $arked their %ounding %ords" 3Yes( I guess you could say that(3 she said huskily" 3Right fro$ the &ery start"3 3-h( it's not your fault" I accept the bla$e(3 he added /uickly" 3>nfortunately I didn't co$e to $y senses in ti$e"3 +he looked at hi$ %ith sudden insight" 3'eaning( I suppose( that you should ha&e left $y bed a lot sooner( e&en if you &isited it at all:3 3*recisely"3 3=ery interesting" I hadn't i$agined you'd resort to fraud"3 31raud7 5hat the hell are you talking about:3 3You got %hat you %anted( didn't you:3 she cried" He didn't ans%er for a $o$ent( and the pause beca$e a chas$ bet%een the$" 30o( $y dear( I did not get %hat I %anted(3 he said finally" 3+o the Australian deal bo$bed8 that basically %asn't the issue" 5hat about $y part of the bargain: If that's %hat you planned( I'd say I'&e been had7 >sed73 +he started to %alk fro$ the roo$" He reached out and grabbed her( then %hirled her around to face hi$" 3-h( no( you don't73 3You're hurting $e73 she cried and tried to pull a%ay" 3!a$n it7 Listen to $e" It's a lot $ore $y fault than yours that I %ent along %ith that insane sche$e of yours" And it's a hell of a sure thing it %as $y fault that you got pregnant right off" #his %hole deal has been dri&ing $e up the %all for $onths" 0either of us thought through %hat it really $eant to gi&e up a child" As a $atter of fact( %hen the reality finally hit $e( I $ade the decision not to go through %ith it" <od kno%s( I %ent o&er all your argu$ents a hundred ti$es( but the only conclusion I could reach %as to break $y %ord" I %as all set to tell you"3 3-h( you %ere" 5hen:3 3You probably %on't belie&e it( but on the &ery night I learned you %ere pregnant"3 He released her( and it see$ed as if he'd %ithdra%n e&ery ounce of her strength" Apparently so$e $e$ory tugged briefly at his e)pression( then disappeared like a candle fla$e suddenly e)tinguished" 3I ad$it I had a special concern of $y o%n(3 he continued" 3But it didn't %ork out( and %hen I faced up to the real issue( I reali ed I did not %ant to gi&e up $y child"3 1ur child( she thought bleakly" 3+o if I hadn't concei&ed so soon( you %ould ha&e dissol&ed the contract by no%( annulled the $arriage:3 3As $atters ha&e turned out( don't you belie&e that %ould ha&e been best:3 #he odd gentleness of his tone did not blur the sting of his $eaning" +he sat do%n" 'ark %as right( of course" Long before she felt the baby $o&e( she kne% she'd entangled herself in a $onstrous dile$$a" 3!on't play <od(3 'ark had %arned" #he ad&ice haunted her throughout the days of their $arriage" 35ell:3 he insisted %hen she didn't reply" +he shook her head" 3I'&e been in such a tur$oil( I hardly kno% %hat to belie&e"3 35hat $akes you think it's been any different for $e:3 He stood %ith fists clenched( $outh obdurate" 3+o %hat do you %ant fro$ $e:3 she cried" 3An orgy of self,analysis: Ashes and sackcloth:3 !id he think he had a corner on all the unhappiness in their arrange$ent: 3-kay( I'll say it" #he contract has torn up our li&es" I %as a fool to propose it73 He turned a%ay fro$ her( his fists still clenched" 3I agree(3 he said( and she couldn't tell %hether he sounded angry or bitter" 3#o be perfectly honest( it %ould ha&e been better if %e'd ne&er $et"3 +o he spoke out at last" +he'd kno%n it for a long ti$e( but the hearing $ade it infinitely harder to bear" +he turned a%ay( and the roaring in her ears gre% so loud that she didn't kno% %hen he left the roo$"

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
#HE 0ED# '-R0I0< Christy rose %hile 'ark still slept" +he dressed /uickly and tiptoed do%nstairs" Coward, she chided herself" "ou can't face ma&ing conversation after last night's scene so you scurry for a buffer. +he plugged in the coffeepot and stirred the batter for 1rench toast( and to her relief a half hour later e&eryone ca$e do%n to breakfast at once" +he caught the fresh scent of 'ark's after,sha&e as he sat do%n across fro$ her and %ondered %hy it al$ost $o&ed her to tears" Aunt 'artha plunged into a detailed description of %hat to e)pect on today's plane ride for Carol( %ho had ne&er flo%n" Carol hung on e&ery %ord( hardly eating a bite of her cereal" 'ark added an occasional co$$ent and fre/uently looked at his %atch" 3I'll be lea&ing this $orning( too(3 he said" Christy tried not to sho% surprise" 3-h( a change of plans:3 'ark pushed back his chair" 30ot really" I'&e neglected preparations for the +an !iego con&ention because of %ork here( so thought I'd go do%n a couple of days early( hole up and get things in order"3 Aunt 'artha looked sharply fro$ 'ark to Christy" 3<ood hea&ens( %e're all taking off like a flock of geese7 5hat ti$e does your plane lea&e( 'ark: 'aybe %e can all go to the airport together:3 3-h( yes( daddy( let's73 Carol cried" 3#hat %ouldn't %ork( I'$ afraid(3 'ark said crisply" 3I ha&e to go to the office first and pick up the se$inar $aterials( so I'll ;ust use the copter ser&ice to the airport" +o$eone %ill run $e o&er"3 End of sub;ect" *eriod" Christy felt the e)planation %as $ore for her benefit than Carol's" +he %ondered if he %ould e&en say goodbye" Honest dialogue had ceased bet%een the$" -nly the bridge of hurtful %ords re$ained( and they'd already crossed that too $any ti$es" Ho% %ould they get through the ne)t fe% $onths: Christy suspected 'ark had already disco&ered the $eans in the out,of,to%n trips" A fe% $inutes later he paused at the door and set do%n his suitcases" 3It's great of you to treat Carol to this &acation( 'artha"3 He kissed her on the cheek" 3I'$ sure Christy can use the rest"3 Aunt 'artha bustled discreetly upstairs then( no doubt thinking to gi&e hi$ a pri&ate lea&e,taking %ith his fa$ily( Christy thought %ryly" 'ark lifted Carol in his ar$s" 3Ha&e fun( punkin" I'll $iss you"3 He nu led her cheek( then looked across at Christy( %ho clutched a dish to%el as if she needed it to sur&i&e and fi)ed her eyes on so$e &ague spot abo&e his head" 3Ha&e a good trip(3 she said and forced her hands to re$ain /uiet" He set Carol do%n( took a step to%ard her and looked as if he %ere about to speak( then instead( abruptly picked up his suitcases" 3#ake care(3 he said gruffly and left" #hey $ight ha&e $et once before by chance" +he felt as if a torch %ent out( a curtain closed" #he roar of his car see$ed unusually loud as he backed out of the dri&e%ay( but $aybe it %as her i$agination" 0o one else see$ed to take notice" Christy tried to keep her $ind blank as she checked Carol's suitcase" #his %as no ti$e for self,pity" If only she could anestheti e her feelings" Later( as the three dro&e to the airport( she had the odd sensation that land$arks popped into place like colors slides fro$ a pro;ector %ith no linkage at all2 'arin's oak,co&ered hills( the patch%ork /uilt of +ausalito houseboats( then the &ie% fro$ the <olden <ate Bridge" #oday $yriad sailboats %hitecapped the blue %ater" 'ean%hile( Aunt 'artha chattered %ith unceasing eal" #hank <od for the cloud co&er of garrulous aunts" At last they took the off ra$p into the airport" By the ti$e they checked luggage and %alked the long concourse to the %aiting roo$( it %as al$ost departure ti$e" Christy heard Carol %hispering to Aunt 'artha" 30o%( Aunt 'artha( no%:3 she persisted" 30o( darling( %e ha&e about fi&e $inutes yet until %e board the plane"3 30o( not that" You kno%73 35ell( of course" 'y goodness( I al$ost forgot73 'artha opened her handbag" 3I didn't forget(3 Carol said and ho&ered i$patiently as 'artha ru$$aged in her purse and finally pulled out a s$all bo)" Carol took it and shyly put it in Christy's hand" 3I bought you a present %hen %e %ent shopping yesterday"3 Christy felt so surprised at Carol's unusual gesture that she stared speechless at the gift" Carol pushed it

$ore fir$ly into Christy's hands" 3Hurry up( don't you %ant to open it:3 Christy lifted the lid and pulled a%ay tissue to re&eal a blue rattle shaped like a tiny player piano" +oft tinkling notes sounded as she shook it" 3It's for our baby brother73 Carol cried" 3-h( Carol"3 Christy's throat suddenly constricted( and tears %elled o&er" Carol stared in dis$ay" 3!on't you like it:3 she asked" Christy flung her ar$s around the child and hugged her close" 3-f course( I do( darling" It's a beautiful gift"3 #his ti$e Carol did not pull a%ay" +he nestled her head against Christy's shoulder and held /uiet" #here %as no return hug( nor e&en a kiss( but Christy didn't e)pect that" Carol's acceptance of her e$brace had been $iracle enough" 5HE0 CHRI+#Y RE#>R0E! H-'E( the silence see$ed al$ost as a%eso$e as thunder" 'ark %as gone" +till( so$ething of hi$ re$ained" -n an end table a $aga ine lay folded ;ust as he left it" +he could recall the e)act %ay his hair curled at the back of his neck as he bent to read" +he hurried to the kitchen and cleaned the refrigerator as if her life depended on acco$plishing the chore in e)actly ten $inutes" #hen she checked and %atered all the houseplants" #he ti$e $o&ed sluggishly( but she told herself she ought to feel grateful for the petty tasks" #hey acted as a scaf, fold( albeit fragile( on %hich to hang her desolation( and ser&ed as a discipline to $ake her $o&e and act" -ther%ise she %ondered if she $ight not succu$b to so$e inner panic that urged her si$ply to curl up and cease to function" +he %alked around the house( $o&ed a chair( slapped a book into place and ran an aggressi&e glissando across the piano keys to relie&e the silence" "ou're acting paranoid, she accused" #hat's new about loneliness, "ou've lived alone with 3ar& almost from the start. But she couldn't handle loneliness( she ad$itted at last" Loneliness could kill one's spirit" +he'd %restled %ith the idea all her life" +he supposed she'd confused it %ith solitude( so$ething /uite different" Yes( she needed inti$acy( the inti$acy of shared con&ersation and shared confidence8 solitary self,sufficiency %as not enough" +he needed the inti$acy of $utual caring and hu$an touch" #ouch nourished a physical need in a %ay that could not be duplicated" 5hen they'd first $et( 'ark had sho%n her that truth" +he thought of the ti$es she'd pulled a%ay %hen he touched her( rebuffing his $ost casual gestures of affection" +till( if she'd responded as she'd felt like doing( %here %ould pride be no%: 'ark e$erged secure8 !arcy( Carol and the challenge of %ork filled his needs( and in that %orld she and their unborn child %ere not persons" #here %ere too $any ghosts in this house" #hey confused her thinking" +uddenly she kne% %here she $ight escape" Ryan's cottage" He'd offered it se&eral ti$es" *erhaps a %eek at the seashore %ould gi&e her a chance to think things out" E&ery sandpiper inspecting the final %ash of a %a&e( each ane$one flo%ering in a tide pool had a profound sense of %ho it %as" *erhaps they could help her $ake sense of her o%n life" Her %atch sho%ed four o'clock" Ryan $ight still be in his office" +he hurried do%n the hill to the school" !oors stood open to air su$$er paint ;obs" +he poked her head into se&eral roo$s and finally found hi$ in the book depository at the top of a ladder" He descended in /uick agile steps" 3Christy( dar,lin'73 he cried( dusted his hands on his ;eans( $o&ed a pile of books off a chair and $otioned her into it" 35elco$e to chaos73 3In&entory ti$e:3 she asked" 34ust trying to get things in order for the ne% principal"3 He ru$$aged through a paper bag on the desk" 3I can offer you a Big 'ike candy bar( a luke%ar$ Coke or a slightly used peanut,butter sand%ich" End of hospitality gesture"3 He grinned at her o&er the untidy re$nants" +he returned the s$ile" Ryan's good hu$or brought unfailing co$fort like the %ar$th of a good %ool blanket" 3As a $atter of fact( the sand%ich doesn't sound half,bad" I forgot about lunch"3 He handed it to her" +he un%rapped it( a%are of his sur&eillance" 3+o$ething on your $ind:3 he asked after a fe% $o$ents" 30ot lunch( ob&iously"3 +he decided to co$e straight to the point" 3I %onder if I could use your +ea House for a %eek( Ryan" #hat is( if you ha&e no plans for it: 'y fa$ily all left today for points north and south( and %hat %ith the heat( I thought a change of pace %ould be restful"3 Don't belabor the e(cuse, she %arned herself( and for heaven's sa&e, &eep it light. Ryan sho&ed o&er a pile of books and sat do%n opposite to her" 3And %here did 'ark go: -ff to Australia: I $ean( %ith all those brochures lying around your place( so$eone $ust be going there"3 Christy brushed so$e cru$bs fro$ her lap" Ans%ers could be so si$ple" 30o( that had to do %ith so$e

figures on rental $achinery for an Australian fir$" He's at a con&ention in +an !iego"3 Don't press, +yan, she pleaded silently" 2ust answer yes or no. 3I $ean this as a business proposition( of course" I'd like to rent your place"3 3You're %elco$e to +ea House( and I'll take no pay for it" Count it s$all thanks for past hospitality( if you %ish" And if you %on't consider $e a three,di$ensional old snoop( %hy the sudden urge for seclusion:3 3You do ha&e a poky nose( !r" 1reud"3 +he $anaged an indifferent shrug" 3#he fact is( I'&e had co$pany for %eeks on end( and I'd like to put $y head in figurati&e slippers for a %hile"3 3And in t%enty,four hours you'll yearn for your piano and people again" 'e( for instance"3 He grinned engagingly" 3Ryan( you ne&er %ere subtle( and that $agnificently innocent s$ile of yours doesn't fool $e one %hit"3 35hy( Christy( you kno% &ery %ell I ha&en't a de&ious bone in $y body"3 3I kno%( ;ust a la$b in la$b's clothing"3 30o% %here did you find a /uotation like that:3 3Ibid( I think the na$e is . so$e descendant of Confucius" 5ell( Ryan( ho% about it( is your cottage free this %eek:3 He turned serious as he took the key off a ring" 35hen do you %ant to go:3 3#o be honest( this &ery $inute" But I'&e a fe% things to do at ho$e first" I'll probably dri&e out so$eti$e to$orro% $orning"3 3I'll call 'rs" Ba)ter( then" +he's a neighbor %ho looks after the place for $e" Her husband %ill fill the %oodbo) for you and lay a fire in case you need it"3 He handed her the key" 3#ake care( darlin'"3 Her eyes $isted at the recollection of 'ark's al$ost identical parting %ords this $orning" +he felt relie&ed at ha&ing kept the con&ersation on a fairly e&en keel" +he %asn't at all sure ho% she %ould ha&e coped if Ryan had prodded her about 'ark" Ryan's insights al%ays splintered her defenses" #he late,afternoon sun caught dust $otes and screened Ryan's head in a golden ha e" His could ha&e been the classic aristocratic face on so$e shining coin" But behind those buccaneer eyes and the fla$boyant self,assurance li&ed the Ryan %ho cared about people" +he leaned o&er and kissed hi$" 3#hanks for e&erything( dear friend(3 she said" +he'd i$agined that nothing in this %orld could unhinge Ryan -'Rourke( but the look on his face %arned her to lea&e" 1ast" +HE'! BARELY 5AL6E! into the house %hen the telephone rang" 3Christy: Is 'ark there:3 #oday !arcy's $odulated &oice sounded cool and businesslike" Christy e)plained 'ark's absence in as fe% %ords as possible" +he had no intention of ad$itting that 'ark had not told her %hat day he planned to return" 35ell( ask hi$ to call as soon as he co$es in" It's rather i$portant" I suppose 'ark has told you our ne%s(3 !arcy continued" 3I hope it %on't be too hard on you( %hat %ith the baby co$ing" -f course( it's not as if the %hole idea %ere sprung on you( so to speak" After all( you'&e had a %hile to get used to it"3 !arcy prattled on( and Christy %asn't sure %hether she ans%ered or e&en said goodbye" 5ere their plans all %rapped up( then: 'ark surely $ust ha&e e)plained the contract to !arcy( other%ise she %ouldn't ha&e spoken so plainly" !arcy %as right" It ca$e as no surprise that they planned to reunite their fa$ily" But so$eho% Christy had hoped 'ark %ould be gallant enough to see the contract through to the end( bitter as it had beco$e" -f course( if she stepped aside no%( the legal necessities could be set in $otion that $uch sooner" !id they e)pect it of her: 5ell( she %ouldn't %ait around until they asked" +he %ould dri&e do%n to pay an e(tended visit to Beth and Richard" +he had no idea %hat she'd tell the$" Any%ay( as soon as the baby ca$e( she'd gi&e it to Beth and Richard and return to 0e% York" Let the tongues %ag fore&er" +he $ade the decision so /uickly she felt light,headed( as if propelled by so$e inner force that took her breath a%ay" +he $ust lea&e before 'ark returned" #hat ga&e her at least a %eek to pack and store her things and put the house in order" +he'd %rite a note to signify the end of the contract( so$ething brief( no redundancies( no senti$ent" 4ust a bare,bones state$ent" 5asn't that her forte: #he situation cla$ored for a tidy e)it" 1irst( she %ould call Beth and Richard and ask if it %ere a con&enient ti$e to $ake her visit. +he dialed their nu$ber and let it ring a half,do en ti$es before hanging up" #hey $ust ha&e gone out to dinner" +he'd call later" In the $eanti$e( there %as plenty to do" #he doorbell rang( offending her as it ;erked her $o$entu$ to a halt" +he opened the door to a grinning +a$ !ouglas" 3Hot da$n( I caught you ho$e73 he cried and ga&e her the usual hearty hug" 35hy +a$( I thought you %ent to +an !iego %ith 'ark:3 +he $otioned hi$ in" He fairly bounced into

the roo$" 3*ot perking too pretty here at ho$e" 5ait until you hear the big ne%s73 35ell( you'd better tell $e( +a$" You look as if you're about to burst" +herry:3 +he offered to pour fro$ the carafe on the coffee table as they sat do%n" 30o( thanks" Right no% %e need a %hole case of cha$pagne"3 He slapped both hands on his knees and leaned for%ard" 3Hang onto your hat( girl" In a couple of $onths you lea&e for <er$any73 3<er$any( +a$: 5hat on earth are you talking about:3 3#he <er$an in&estors %ho &isited last %eek( they'&e &oted to hire 'ark to set up a rental franchise throughout 5est <er$any" He'll be the director %ith a salary that $akes that Australian deal look like chicken feed( and a contract %ith !ouglas Enterprises to supply a substantial percentage of the tools and $achinery"3

Christy s%ayed a little and tried to arrange her face in the reaction +a$ e)pected( to for$ the %ords she ought to say" 35hen did you find out:3 she said finally" He chuckled" 3+ort of set you on your ear( didn't I: 5ell( I'&e kno%n they %ere considering the deal right along( but I %anted to play it cool after that Australian fiasco" +trauss called an hour ago( %ants 'ark and $e to $eet the$ ne)t $onth at the 1rankfurt office to sign the contract and get things rolling" 'ind if I ha&e a brandy:3 He %ent to the li/uor cabinet( and poured a glass and lifted it in a toast" 3#hose fello%s see$ed $ighty i$pressed %ith you and 'ark" Called you /uite a tea$" And( s%eetheart( they said you'd be a special asset in the business"3 He %inked" 3You probably helped tilt the decision in 'ark's fa&or" #hat's %hat your party did( all right" 5hat did I tell you: #he ho$ey touch gets 'e$ e&ery ti$e73 Christy felt as if she %ere going to be sick" 3!on't tell $e 'ark's $arital status is of concern in this ;ob:3 3Hell( no( not any $ore than for +an 1elipe" But you'd better belie&e they consider you a $ighty special di&idend"3 An e)plosi&e throbbing began inside her head" Had she heard correctly: 3 'Any $ore than for +an 1elipe(' +a$: !idn't you specify a $arried $an for this ;ob:3 He laughed heartily" 3!on't tell $e 'ark used the ploy to hook you: -h( sure( I ad$it that up to then I'd had such a policy( but 'ark talked $e out of it" <uess he decided it %as ti$e to teach an old dog ne% tricks" But you can bet your botto$ dollar I %as $ighty pleased %hen you ca$e into the picture( Christy"3 +he felt be%ildered" #hroughout the past $onths she'd dra%n the consolation that at least she'd $ade it possible for 'ark to get the ;ob he %anted so $uch" But it hadn't been true" A lot $ust ha&e happened after the night she first $et hi$ %hen he sho%ed such disappoint$ent" 5hy hadn't he told her about +a$'s change of heart7 And %hy had he $arried her: -n the rebound after his painful di&orce: #o hurt !arcy: It see$ed as if the last shreds of her pride had been torn a%ay" +he poured a glass of sherry and tried to sip it( but her fingers shook so that she gripped the glass %ith both hands and held it in her lap instead" +a$ continued to chatter( then a little later looked at her e)pectantly" +he reali ed she hadn't heard a %ord he'd said" 3I'$ sorry( +a$" 5hat did you say:3 +a$ looked pu led and shifted unco$fortably in his chair" 3I said( let's call 'ark and gi&e hi$ the good ne%s"3 He articulated the %ords slo%ly and patiently as if e)plaining to so$eone not &ery bright" Her eyes $et his in silent response" 1h, !am, dear, I'm sorry I can't manage the ecstatic reaction you 've a right to e(pect. +he stared at hi$ helplessly" 35ell( shall %e:3 he insisted"

3Yes" 0o" #hat is( you're the one to tell hi$( +a$"3 +he s/uee ed the glass so hard she %ondered that it didn't shatter" +he %illed hi$ to lea&e" /lease go, !am. Now. +a$ reached o&er and touched her ar$( his effer&escence gone" 3Are you all right( Christy( honey:3 3-h( you kno% pregnant %o$en( utterly unpredictable"3 +he ga&e a shrug and knocked her glass against the coffee table" It shattered( spilling the golden li/uid on the rug" +he ran for a to%el( grateful for the di&ersion" 30o( I don't kno% a da$n thing about pregnant %o$en(3 he said as she $opped up the %ine" 3I %ish I did" I'&e %ished it often(3 he said %istfully" Christy thought of the disillusion$ent to co$e and kne% ho% $uch she hated to hurt hi$" +he gathered the broken glass and %rapped it in a paper %hile +a$ shifted his %eight and didn't see$ to kno% %hat to do %ith his hands" 3!a$n it( I'$ a bungling old fool to butt in and upset you like this" I should ha&e let 'ark gi&e you the ne%s( but hell( he doesn't e&en kno% it yet hi$self"3 +he took in his distress" 3'ark thinks of you as a father" You brought off the deal( +a$" You're the one to tell hi$"3 35ell( okay(3 he said doubtfully" 3I'll put in a call fro$ the hotel" 0o( no( don't you get up" I %ant you to lie do%n for a %hile( you hear: You look $ighty pale to $e" Can I get you an aspirin or so$ething:3 3#hanks( +a$" I'll be all right"3 He started for the door" 3And( Christy( I'll gi&e hi$ your lo&e"3 #he final irony( she thought" 3Yes( do that(3 she said %ith a sob and kne% her &oice held an edge of hysteria" +a$ darted her an astounded look( then left( closing the door carefully as if she %ere an in&alid" +he pressed her fingers to her te$ple" Thin&, she ordered" et yourself in gear. Find paper, a pencil. * t least, you can ma&e a list. *ack( she %rote and stared at the %ord for a full $inute" Call Beth" 'ake plane reser&ations" Return Ryan's key" 'ake a note of !arcy's $essage" 5as that all it took to end their relationship: #here $ust be $ore( but she felt too %eary to think of any" +he %added the list and thre% it into the %astebasket" +he'd $ake plans later( after she called Richard and Beth" +he dialed the nu$ber" Beth ans%ered at once( and her &oice rang %ith a special &itality across the distance" 3Christy7 !arling( you $ust ha&e E"+"*" I planned to call you in a fe% $inutes" -h( Chris( the $ost $ar&elous thing has happened" I'$ going to ha&e t%ins73 Christy felt as if she'd had a sudden punch in the $idsection" 3#%ins( Beth: 5hat on earth are you saying:3 Beth's laugh $ade a lilting glissando" 30ot me, silly" 5e're adopting" 5e signed the papers an hour ago" It all happened so fast I'$ still in shock"3 3#ell $e(3 Christy said %eakly" 3A girl in one of Richard's classes got pregnant" +he's &ery cool about it all( %on't e&en tell the baby's father" +he's a pre$ed student %ith a scholarship to an eastern college and deter$ined to continue her education" +he'd already contacted an adoption agency( then the doctor told her she %ould ha&e t%ins" It see$ed the agency %on't guarantee not to separate the$" +he spilled her proble$ to Richard after class a couple of days ago( and you can i$agine the rest" -h( <od( I can't belie&e I'$ so lucky7 I ne&er dared hope( you

kno%( not e&en once"3 35hen( Beth:3 35ould you belie&e they are due in a couple of $onths: But $ultiple births are usually pre$ature" #hey can arri&e anyti$e" I'$ practically delirious73 3-h( Beth"3 Christy couldn't keep the sob fro$ her &oice" 3I kno%( darling( I'$ so happy I'&e been crying half the ti$e $yself" I'll let you kno% the $inute they are born" 'aybe you %ill co$e do%n and stay %ith $e for a fe% %eeks: #hat %ould be perfect"3 3-f course( I'll co$e the $o$ent you need $e"3 +o$eho% Christy $anaged a %ar$ goodbye although her lips felt so %ooden she could barely for$ the %ords"

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHRI+#Y RE*LACE! #HE RECEI=ER and felt the Ro$an,candle e)plosion of Beth' s $essage fi le into a charred shaft" +he $ust pull herself together( co$e to ter$s %ith the person she had no% beco$e( a %o$an un%anted( her gift unsought" Her thoughts frag$ented as if she tried to sort out pieces of shattered glass too ha ardous to handle" 3But I can keep $y baby73 she cried aloud as the truth burst upon her( then said it again and %ondered at the ans%er that ca$e to the prayer she ne&er dared to pray" +he hugged herself hard as if by doing so she could e$brace her child( then %alked around as if da ed( allo%ing the reality to seep into e&ery pore" But heartbreak edged her ;oy" 5as she $ade of the stuff that enabled one to act as both father and $other: -h( 'ark7 5ould she e&er get o&er the pain of lo&ing this $an %ho didn't lo&e her: #he best of ti$es had been %hen they %ere first $arried( and she'd lain in his ar$s and pretended they could lo&e each other for the rest of their li&es" But $orning ca$e and pretending %as o&er" +he see$ed nu$bed by a feeling of helplessness that had gone on fore&er" <od( %hat %as she to do no%: +he paced the roo$" -nce she stopped at her piano and fingered &ague chord progressions( but they sounded blatant and profane" Hours later( too spent to cli$b the stairs to her bedroo$( she lay do%n on the couch( but e&ery ner&e re$ained taut as she tried to deal %ith the i$plication of Beth's ne%s" 0ear da%n she do ed in fitful e)haustion" +HE 5-6E #HE 0ED# '-R0I0< %ith a start( chilled to the bone" #he roo$ see$ed dark and cold e&en though it %as al$ost nine,thirty" #hrough the %indo% she sa% that the fog hung thick and da$p" #he long heat spell had finally broken" +he inhaled the air greedily as if its freshness $ight heal her bruised $ind and aching body( then rubbed the stiffness fro$ an ar$ and s%ung her feet hea&ily to the floor" #he $irror reflected s%ollen eyelids and a %an face" +he felt dehydrated( %rung out( %ith a brain that barely functioned" +he sho%ered and dressed in a %ool ;u$per and silk blouse" #here %as so$ething she $ust do" *ack: #hat %as it" 1irst she $ade so$e coffee and poured a bo%l of dry cereal( but the sight of food $ade her ill" +he %ent to the garage and hauled in so$e cartons( filled the$ %ith her books and $usic( then labeled the$ %ith her na$e" Already the roo$ looked anony$ous" #he bookcases ya%ned like $ouths %ith $issing teeth( and her piano( closed and $inus $usic and $etrono$e( %as ;ust another piece of furniture" +he ought to call the storage &an" Later" +he had to get a%ay fro$ this house" Here she couldn't think or reason or kno% %hat to do" +he %ould go out to Ryan's cottage for a fe% days( then co$e back and finish her %ork" 'ark %ould be in +an !iego for at least a %eek( $aybe t%o" #he con&ention hadn't e&en started yet" 'aybe the &astness of the ocean %ould help shrink her proble$s into reasonable perspecti&e" Lord( %hat a $ess she'd $ade" +he'd planned so carefully8 she'd been so sure of herself and taken such fir$ charge of her e$otions" But no%( after all( she felt only %eakness and defeat" And( she ad$itted( terror" It %as al$ost noon %hen she packed a bag and found her purse and car keys" #he gas gauge sho%ed nearly e$pty" 5hen she coasted into the ser&ice station and stopped( stea$ poured fro$ the radiator" #he attendant opened the hood and peered inside" After a fe% $inutes he ca$e around to her door"

3*lenty %ater( $a'a$" Looks like your ther$ostat conked out" 5e don't carry none here"3 +he stared at hi$" His face see$ed blurred( out of focus" 35e don't carry none(3 he repeated( sho%ing i$patience at her lack of response" His &oice sounded fara%ay( di$inished by the dru$beat of 'ark's %arning2 Don't play od$ But she had( and no% she $ust face the conse/uences" 'aybe she ought to tell this $an" 35hat shall I do:3 she asked finally" He see$ed to si e her up( and so$e protecti&e urge surfaced" 3I'll call the do%nto%n garage and see if they'll run one out"3 +he nodded assent" 3Ho% long:3 3!epends on ho% busy they are" An hour or t%o( $aybe"3 +he supposed she $ust ha&e spent the ti$e %alking to a $arket" At least( three hours later %hen the car %as finally repaired( she found a bag of groceries in the back seat" +he looked at her %atch %ith dis$ay" It %ould take an aeon to dri&e to the coast unless this fog lifted" +he'd counted on arri&ing in ti$e to take a long %alk on the beach" +he crept through +an 1elipe's suburbs and into the country( tra&eling through a shrouded gray %orld" =ineyards %ere out there so$e%here( and a fe% $iles farther( dairy far$s( but she could not see the$" #hick &eils of fog flo%ed against the car al$ost blinding her" +he turned on the %ipers and felt a floating sensation" +he sa% herself drifting ai$lessly in the $ist( a solitary %o$an %ho had co$e to the end of her resources( %ithout the strength or %ill to try any$ore" #he fog s%irled and barely rose to pro&ide li$ited &ision under the lo% ceiling( and she began to race like a ho$ing fo) to its hole near the sea" +heep at the roadside flicked by like phanto$s" +he glanced at the speedo$eter" 5hy hadn't the $echanic repaired it, +he certainly %as not going se&enty $iles an hour" -r %as she: #he brakes screeched as the car took a cur&e and tilted sickeningly on one side( then the other( skidded and finally righted itself to hurtle up the steep rise of the onco$ing hill" At last she caught the scent of salty sea%ater and heard the $oan of so$e distant foghorn" As she rounded a long cur&e( the fog lifted abruptly to re&eal the ocean( its dark pe%ter yielding /uickly to tur/uoise" +traight ahead a gull balanced on the %ind o&er a huge bald rock that thrust itself up fro$ the shoreline( rising in t%o ragged peaks( angry fists threatening the sky" -n one( a cor$orant hunched $otionless( painted on the landscape" As if it %ere a $agnet( the dark rock dre% the high%ay into a con&enient &ie%ing area" Christy parked the car and got out" +he leaned against the barbed,%ire fence and &ie%ed the sheer drop that offered scarcely a foothold" 5ater thrashed and undulated belo% in perilous riptides( sending up a continuous hiss that both repelled and fascinated her" +he cra%led through a stretch of the %ire and inched out on the rock in order to see the angry green %ater pu$$el and roil in its back%ash" 'oussorgsky could ha&e set it to $usic( she thought and felt ra% e)hilaration co$pound fro$ the sight and sound of it" +uddenly a %a&e shot high( spouting up like a geyser and drenched her %ith icy foa$" 1or a second she %a&ered( then fell to her knees( gasping %ith shock( %hile she %atched the rogue %a&e descend in a raging %aterfall" Had she been a foot lo%er on the rock( she could ha&e been s%ept into that caldron" 'y <od7 5hat %as she doing here: 5hat gray desire( %hat gri$ anesthetic had o&erco$e her: #re$bling &iolently( she pulled herself to safety( then stu$bled back to the car" Could seasons and e&ents so$eti$es shape one's acts beyond one's %ill: +he ;erked open her suitcase( found a to%el and dried herself( then turned on the heater and sat until the %ar$th penetrated her shi&ering body and cal$ed her pounding pulses" et on with it, she told herself angrily" "ou're responsible for your own actions, and don't you forget it. +he dro&e again( cautiously no%( and counted the beaches" *ebble Creek( +al$on +trand( Abalone Bay" It %as a $ile beyond Reed's Co&e( Ryan had said" +he slo%ed for a throng of bicyclers( their bright backpacks %a&ering across the road like a fall of confetti( then e)cept for an occasional far$house( she see$ed to $o&e through a deserted %orld" A %ooded ridge s%ept do%n in a broad e)panse of sheep,bitten turf to precipitous cliffs that edged the ocean" Re$nant fog fingers ga&e it an i$pressionistic /uality( not /uite real" #hen as she crested a hill( she sa% a cluster of cottages" +he could ha&e told %hich one belonged to Ryan had there been a do en" Constructed of red%ood and glass( it perched on the brink of the cliff %ith gables that lifted like %ings( an i$pudent seabird poised for flight" +he checked the nu$ber and coasted into the dri&e%ay" +$oke curled fro$ the chi$ney" +he blessed Ryan for his thoughtfulness in alerting the caretaker and carried her suitcase o&er the stepping,stones to the door%ay" Ice plant bordered the %alk( and a %ind,sculptured cypress stood at the entrance" +he inserted the

key( but the caretaker had left the door open" -nce inside( she stood on the threshold and took in the character of the spacious roo$" 1ire burned briskly in a huge fieldstone fireplace at the far end( %ith leather chairs and a sofa nearby" A %all of glass see$ed to bring the ocean to the &ery hearth side( and the rough %ood paneling of the %alls %as hung %ith %atercolors and oils( all seascapes" 0ear her( se&eral $usic stands cro%ded a rather beat,up old spinet( %hile a cello case leaned affectionately against it" #he house e)uded peace" If one could find support in en&iron$ent( she could find it here" And if she %ere going to fall apart( no one in the %orld need kno% ho% frightened and lost she'd beco$e" +he leaned back against the door" Lord( she %as tired" A nebulous rustle sounded so$e%here in the roo$" 35hat took you so long:3 asked a $asculine &oice" A rusty head appeared abo&e one of the chairs( and 'ark rose to face her" #he splendid blue of his eyes $atched the glistening sea behind hi$( but they held an undefinable e)pression" He stood unbelie&ably still" #he roo$ began to blur and tilt side%ays( but 'ark still re$ained" He %as no apparition" But he %as supposed to be in +an !iego" Ho% did he kno% she'd co$e here: 3'ark( is it really you:3 Her &oice sounded husky fro$ the dryness in her throat" 3I returned this $orning(3 he said %ithout inflection" 3-h( yes( the <er$an contract" Congratulations"3 +he dug her hands in her pockets as if to ferret out so$e &estige of poise" 30o( not that" You( Christy(3 he said and strode o&er to her( $o&ing fast" His %ords $ade no sense" #e're still poles apart, not even within shouting distance, she thought and looked at hi$ for one long despairing $o$ent" #hen suddenly in a $otion she could not restrain( she leaned for%ard and clung to hi$" 3-h( 'ark( hold $e" *lease( ;ust hold $e"3 His ar$s %ent s%iftly around her and pressed her so close she could barely breathe" 3!o you ha&e any idea ho% I'&e longed to hear you say that:3 he said and buried his face in her hair" #hey rocked together %hile he said her na$e o&er and o&er in a %ay she'd re$e$ber fore&er" +he %as past %ords" All pride had gone and so had control" #he sound of her sobs rose to fill the roo$ in anguished crescendos" 5ith each spas$ his ar$s tightened( and she felt their strength reach through her coat deep "inside her" +he'd ne&er %ept like this before" +he'd ne&er gi&en in so co$pletely to her e$otions" It couldn't be happening( Christy Brandon standing in this unfa$iliar roo$( crying out all the pain of the past $onths in the co$fort of 'ark's ar$s" +he inhaled the %ar$ clean scent of his cheek and gre% /uiet at last and let the stillness spread around the$" 35hy did you co$e:3 she asked( but the ans%er hit her so s%iftly it al$ost gagged the asking" !on't ans%er that( she al$ost cried aloud( because she understood no%" 'ark still honored the contract" He'd returned because he felt duty bound" He offered co$fort solely fro$ pity( and( she ad$itted( because she'd asked for it" +he felt e$pty( as if all feeling had drained a%ay( and she pulled out of his e$brace /uickly before he could reply" 3+orry( I didn't $ean to dro%n you" Honest" 4ust so$e $ore of $y frailties sho%ing"3 He fra$ed her face in his hands" 3And about ti$e" I prefer a fe% i$perfections( you kno%" But your %eakness( $y darling( is your e)aggerated sense of responsibility"3 +he bo%ed her head and co&ered her face" +he %ished the ringing in her ears %ould stop" It %asn't fair that her hearing played tricks %ith such endear$ents" He put one hand hard on her shoulder and %ith the other lifted her chin and forced her to $eet his eyes" 3-h( $y dear( you still don't understand( do you:3 He kissed her" 3A lo&e you" I $arried you because I %as in lo&e %ith you"3 His %ords eddied around her( %arring against confusion" #hen he pulled her to hi$" At last she kne% the truth( tangible and %ar$ as the ar$s that no% held her" And for a little %hile they ga&e in to their hunger( to $ake up for the %asted $onths behind the$" -nly later did she pull back to say 3But all this ti$e I thought you lo&ed !arcy( that you planned to go back to her"3 35hat on earth are you saying:3 3It see$ed so ob&ious to $e" I $ean( the %ay you al%ays looked at her I couldn't help but think you co$pared us" +he is so gorgeous( 'ark( so full of %ar$th and char$( I felt do%nright drab alongside her" 5hen you $ade lo&e to $e( I felt sure you i$agined you still held her in your ar$s" #hen Carol dropped so$e re$arks" #here %ere !arcy's phone calls and all that business at #ahoe" 5hat else could I belie&e:3 He gripped her shoulders" 3You belie&ed that7 Listen" In the beginning I lo&ed the person I thought !arcy %as( but then she got pregnant and the

illusion e)ploded" It %as hell" You $ust ha&e noticed ho% she rarely lets anything get in her %ay" 5ell( she insisted on an abortion( and %hen I refused to allo% it( e&erything ended bet%een us" Her theatrical agent ca$e later( but by that ti$e I didn't care" -h( %e stuck it out until she got herself launched on an acting career" !arcy has a co$pulsion to be on stage( center front in full spotlight at all ti$es" #hat scene gets to you after a %hile" +he has %ar$th( all right( the kind that sears and de&ours you" Beauty and char$: +he uses the$ like a calculator to $anipulate e&eryone around her"3 3I %ish you had told $e(3 Christy said but kne% it didn't $atter no%" 3Ho% could I %hen you kept /uoting that da$ned contract:3 he said" 3Any%ay( if your actions %ere any key( I felt fenced out by barbed %ire( a bri$stone $oat and a chain of sno%capped $ountains"3 +he s$iled and leaned her head against his shoulder" 3#hat bad: 5ell( you see( I didn't kno% ho% to beha&e around so$eone I %asn't supposed to lo&e"3 He lifted her chin and kissed her again( not gently" A kiss like that $eant %hat it said8 a kiss like that could banish the de&ouring loneliness she'd felt for so long" All the doubts that plagued her $elted a%ay( and her ar$s slipped around his neck" #hey clung together %hile she drank in the e)/uisite feeling of their closeness as if she couldn't get enough of it and %ondered if her body could hold the ;oy that filled it" 4ust outside( the sea glistened like sapphire( cloud skeins $ade delicate traceries on the sky( and the rhyth$ic %ash of the breakers sounded all around the$" #hey stood in the little &orte) of their radiant %orld( not %anting to $o&e or speak" It had an into)icating perfection" At last he released her" He grinned( and it $ade hi$ look boyish" 35ell( no%( 'rs" B" isn't it about ti$e you took off your hat and coat and stayed a%hile:3 +he slipped out of her coat and scarf and laid the$ o&er a chair" 3You're going too fast for $e( and I lo&e it" But I'$ breathless7 You %ouldn't ha&e a spare set of brakes around( %ould you:3 '3'0ot a chance"3 He led her to the sofa( then stirred the fire so that it crackled( shot sparks and fla$ed again" He sat do%n beside her and laid his hand against her cheek and pushed a %a&y lock back o&er her ear" +he co&ered his hand %ith hers" 3I al%ays lo&ed the %ay you used to do that(3 she said" 35ell( you had a $ighty strange %ay of sho%ing it( $y girl" It hurt like hell the %ay you stiffened %hene&er I touched you( the %ay you ne&er see$ed to need $e"3 +he nodded" 3And the a%ful %ay %e ne&er said anything to each other e)cept the price of $ushroo$s or %ho %as co$ing to dinner" It %as the contract" I felt honor bound" Ho% did I e&er talk you into it:3 3I'$ the one %ho talked you into this $arriage if you recall( and the ans%er to that( $y lo&e( is a tribute to $y to%ering ego" I could see /uite %ell %hat lay under that pri$ reser&e of yours and felt confident I could break it do%n in no ti$e at all" I didn't kno% you had a lion in you"3 35ell( to take the %ords fro$ your $outh( you had a $ighty strange %ay of sho%ing it( all those clandestine $eetings %ith !arcy73 3I suspected you belie&ed that( and I let you" 0ot &ery ad$irable of $e( I ad$it" *urely $y conte$ptible nature striking back because of Ryan" Incidentally ho% do you rate at forgi&ing:3 3+uperb"3 3!arling( !arcy and I %ere arranging so$e legal $atters" +he finally achie&ed her heart's desire( a contract %ith so$e theater group( and she's gi&ing $e full custody of Carol"3 3-h( 'ark( ho% $ar&elous73 #he %ords sounded banal considering the %ay she felt( but at the $o$ent she could only think in superlati&es" 3And speaking of $ar&els( I guess I'$ thickheaded( but I still don't understand your $iraculous appearance"3 3<ood" Be a la$ebrain for a $inute(3 he teased" +he $ade a face" 3I'$ afraid that description is too accurate for co$fort"3 34oin my club(3 he said %ryly" 3At least( you had a guardian angel" As a $atter of fact( it turned out you o%ned /uite a cre%" +a$ called last night $ore or less threatening to sic the 0ational <uard on $e( plus the air force and the %hole >"+" Ar$y if I didn't co$e back and look after you" I'$ afraid I %as so blinded by $y o%n state of $ind I %as co$pletely insensiti&e to yours" I thought he %as off his rocker until I got ho$e this noon and sa% all those bo)es stacked in the li&ing roo$" +a$ hadn't the &aguest notion %here you'd gone( and I %as do%nright unner&ed until I re$e$bered $y %ife $akes lists"3 He pulled out a cru$pled paper" 3*ack(3 he read" 3Call Richard and Beth"3 He paused and reached for her hand" 3I kno% their good ne%s( and I can i$agine %hat %ent through that head of yours"3 #hey didn't say anything for a fe% $o$ents( but his touch in the silence %as as full of co$fort as if he had spoken" He %ent back to the list" 3Return Ryan's key"3 He ga&e her a lopsided grin" 3I'll ad$it that one had $e %orried"3

3You talked to Ryan:3 she said( astonished" 3Barely"3 He gri$aced" 3Ryan did the talking and deli&ered /uite a lecture( I $ight add" In fact( I got the sa$e the$e %ith &ariations fro$ 'artha and +a$" All e)cept you( Christy" I %ant to hear you say it"3 +he leaned to%ard hi$ and $et his eyes s/uarely" 3I lo&e you( 'ark Brandon(3 she said and felt surprised at ho% easy it %as to say" 3I'&e lo&ed you al$ost fro$ the beginning" I'$ surprised you ne&er sa% it"3 +he took his hand and placed it so that he could feel their baby's soft fluid $o&e$ents" 3!o you kno% the agony I faced at the thought of gi&ing up our child: I dared not ad$it it" I couldn't tell you" I'd ne&er i$agined such tor$ent"3 3It %as agony for $e( too( e&ery ti$e I looked at you(3 he said /uietly" 3But you %arned $e( 'ark( /uite thoroughly" By the %ay( ho% do you rate at forgi&ing:3 3Absolutely fabulous(3 he said" A tender s$ile flickered bet%een the$( and they e$braced %ith a gentleness that neither forced( nor insisted( but sho%ed only gratitude for each other" 0o% she kne% that she had left behind fore&er the calculated attitudes( the intellectual tyranny that $asked honest co$$unication and $ade a hell for the$ both" Behind lay the tragedy of little !a&y( so$ething she %ould ha&e to li&e %ith" Ahead lay a ne% life for the$ . probably one %ith proble$s" 5ould she like li&ing in <er$any: 5hat if she had to gi&e up her $usic: 0o $atter( she could $eet any challenge %ith 'ark at her side" Content$ent flo%ed through her" 35e're lucky( you and I( that %e can start o&er(3 she said" But in the final analysis she kne% that luck had little to do %ith it" #e orchestrate our own problems, she thought( and it's up to us to solve them. /eople ma&e their own luc&. 'ark flashed the /uick s$ile that al%ays %ar$ed his &oice" 3+tart o&er( you say: Yes( let's( and the sooner the better" I see$ to recall %e had a good thing going before %e ble% it" But no% that %e're older and %iser . 3 he suspended the phrase %hile his eyes shone pro&ocati&ely" 3I'&e $ade a little list(3 he said" 31irst off( you play $e so$e Chopin"3