08.14.09 “Why Won’t God Answer My Prayers?

” James 4:1-5
The Foundations of relationship with Jesus – Do I love Him or what He has to offer me?

Review from 3 weeks ago:

1. Pray towards God, not people.
2. Quality, not quantity.
3. Prayer builds relationship with God.
Review from 2 weeks ago:
1. Matthew 6:9-15 Perspective Setter
2. v10. Pray for God’s desires to first
3. v11-15 Pray for our own desires

Introduction: Being used by your friends: Has anyone here gone through the unfortunate experience of
being used by someone? They just hung out with you so they could get something from you? In high
school, the people with cars become the popular ones because they can drive other people around. And the
funny thing is, before they got their cars, they never really hung out with each other. Some of you are smart
and great at academic work. Some people love hanging out with you because they know you’ll let them
copy your homework right before class. Maybe you’re the one who’s using someone else and you like
hanging out with the popular kids in school because you like being seen with them. Being used hurts. When
you find out you’re being used, you realize that your so-called “friends” aren’t really your friends. They
could care less about you the moment they realize they can’t get anything from you anymore. The same goes
for the so-called “followers” or Christ. They love Jesus because He saves them from sin and promises to
bless those who love Him; thinking that He will help them make their own life easy and comfortable and
peaceful. While non-Christians have their own ways of making money, making friends, succeeding in life,
and feel accepted, most “Christians” all want the same thing – they just use Jesus to get it.

I realize that even in this small youth group there are people experiencing tremendous hurt. Maybe for some
of you, these past months or past year have been incredibly hard. You try your best and yet you keep on
failing. Your relationships with people, whether they be friends or your own family, have been causing more
pain than joy lately. I don’t want to pretend that everyone in this room is doing well and we’re all a bunch of
happy Christians. The truth is, some of you look fine and happy on the outside, but inside you feel like
giving up. You’re dying on the inside. And for the vast majority of young Christians, the issue of “Why
doesn’t God answer my prayers?” is the determining factor of their faith and trust in God. Tonight, we want
to confront the foundations of our faith and trust in God and test our intentions by asking the question, “Do I
love God or do I love what He has to offer me?”

(Break into groups – High School in 111, Middle School in 119)

Introduction Part 2:
I would like us all to be extremely honest to ourselves tonight. The more honest and open we are, the more
God can begin to work in our lives. Have you developed the bad habit of being able to hear a message or
read the bible and be convicted by it, and YET do nothing? I don’t want us to be like the man in James 1:22-
25 where he deceives himself by listening to the Word and not obeying it. I don’t want us to be that guy who
sees all the sin and problems in his life through the mirror and just go home tonight completely fine with it.
Please take this meeting tonight seriously, for your own sake.
1. The Problem: “Why doesn’t God answer my prayers?”
-Prayer for healing for myself or for people I know.
-Prayer for salvation for people I know.
-Prayer to help me succeed in school or figure out a hard homework problem.
-Prayer to help me develop a certain characteristic – more outgoing, more patient, more caring, etc.
-Prayer to help me decide which college to go to, or when making a big decision “this or that?”.
-Prayer for a friend to forgive me, for a restored relationship.
-Prayer for financial stability.

These prayers in themselves are not bad. It is not wrong to pray these prayers. In fact, it’s hard to
understand why God WOULD NOT answer these prayers since they are not inherently sinful. Here are some
bible passages that give us the idea that God is here to answer our every request, like a genie:

“Ask and it will be given to you…For everyone who asks receives;” Matthew 7:7-8
“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me
for anything in my name, and I will do it.” John 14:13-14
“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts
on behalf of those who wait for him.” Isaiah 64:4

It seems from these verses that God’s purpose is to help us and to give us what we desire. Many bible stories
depict people who pray for God to save them or to slay the enemy and God does it very quickly and
completely. So it would seem logical God should still be doing the same thing for us today. However, this is
not entirely true. If this is what we really think, the very foundation of our trust and faith in God is on sand,
not rock.

When we ask the question, “Why doesn’t God answer my prayers?” what we usually mean is: “Why doesn’t
God answer my prayers the way I want” OR “Why doesn’t God give me what I ask for?”

2. He doesn’t answer prayers with wrong motives. James 4:1-3

1
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
-When we are saved, there are 2 desires at work. There’s the old sinful nature that still wants its way, and
there’s the Spirit which desires what God wants.
-If we are new Christians, we don’t become like Jesus over night. It takes a long time (sanctification) and so
there will always be traces of that old self left over. And it’s that old self that wants the latest clothes, the
cool gadgets, lots of money, popularity, and acceptance by people. Just look at the goals of most non-
Christians – The American Dream is what they want and it has nothing to do with what God wants.
-So the cause of conflict comes from our evil desires fighting against God’s desires.
2
You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and
fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.
-More detail on that conflict.
-Often times we thank God for salvation and heaven, but after that, we live life as everybody else does. We
still want the same things as non-Christians. And for those things we do want, we forget to ask God about it.
(DO NOT DWELL ON THESE VERSES, READ THEM AND GO THROUGH THEM VERY QUICKLY. SPEND MORE TIME
ON FOLLOWING VERSES:)

3
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on
your pleasures.
-This is the verse to focus on. “When you ask” = when you pray.
- “Pleasures” = lust. “hedone” – pronounced: hay-dah-nay. Hedonism: desire for pleasure; self gratification.
-Based on this verse, we can understand why Jesus promise in Matthew 7 isn’t under all circumstances.
-What is a wrong motive? When the motive for the prayer is to please myself instead of God.
3. He doesn’t answer prayers that become obstacles to the relationship. James 4:4-5
4
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who
chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
-“adulterous” in Greek is feminine and should be translated “adulteresses”. Why is this so crucial?
-James is trying to paint a picture so that we see a picture of a woman who is cheating on her husband. So
the next question is this: “Who is the husband?” God is the husband, which makes us the wife.
-“friendship with the world” = cheating on the husband, and the world is the other man the wife is having sex
with, instead of her husband.
-The picture here that James is trying to paint is that of an unfaithful wife who goes to her husband and asks
him, “Dear husband, may I please have $50. I really need $50.” So the husband gives her the money. Then
she says “thank you” and goes downstairs, pays the money to the other man, that she may sleep with him.
She asks her husband “with wrong motives” that she might “spend what [she] gets on [her] pleasures.” She
used her husband to get what she wants, not to strengthen their marriage. While this picture is terrifying,
imagine if we knew from the very beginning, that her intention to marry the man was not because she loved
him, but because she knew that he would take her, off the streets, and make sure her life was easy and
comfortable. Sadly, this is the same story of most Christians.

Q: Have you ever asked God for something without considering whether it would help you love Him more?

Q: What are some things you ask for that could potentially weaken your relationship with God?
5
Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?
-This sentence structure is confusing. It is better translated in the ESV: “Or do you suppose it is to no
purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us"?”
-God loves us and wants us to be pure in motives when we ask Him for things, the same way a husband
wants his wife to come to him with pure motives. This husband wants his wife sleeping with him, in their
bed, and with no one else.
-Another way to think about it this: If a small child asked his mom when she’s in the kitchen for a knife to
play with, she would never give it to him because she knows it could hurt him. So when we think: “God
must not love me if he doesn’t give me what I really want”, this mentality is wrong. God is trying to protect
us. If God gave you the very thing that would become an obstacle to loving Him, He would not be loving,
He would be cruel. God knows the best for us is to be in an intense love relationship with Him and He will
do everything He can to make sure that happens, including NOT giving us what we wish. (Adam and Eve)

4. The Solution – REPENT James 4:8-10

8
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts,
you double-minded. 9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your
joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
-Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. It has nothing to do with answered prayers. If our focus as
saved people is just to get prayers answered by God, then we have put our hope and joy in the wrong thing.
-The solution is to repent. To be broken over our sins. The sin of adultery is very serious.

Q: How does a wife who has cheated on her husband repent?

-She realizes the sin of her idolatry in other things and severs the emotional desires she has for other men.
We as Christians would begin to realize the different things in our lives that have become our idols. (An idol
is anything or any person that takes what God deserves: our money, attention, time, energy, focus, joy,
satisfaction, etc…) Fall more in love with God. That kind of prayer will be answered: “God, help me to
love You more and show me how to love You.”
-Think about the marriage. Maybe she got married for the wrong reasons and now, needs to fall in love with
her husband, and not just the gifts.

Conclusion:
1. The things we ask for in our prayers should make us love Him more.
2. When we received salvation, did we do it for the right reasons? Are you still going to church
because you think God will give you what you want? What if He didn’t give you anything you
wanted? Would you still love Him?
3. Examine your prayer life. Is the motivation of the majority of your prayers to make you happy
or to make God happy?

“So is it wrong to pray for good grades, healed relatives, and peace in the family?”
-These are the things we care about. We cannot simply stop caring and wanting these things.
-These things are not wrong to ask for. It is only wrong when we want it without considering if God wants it
as well. Why would God want you to have a new computer? Or new shoes? Or for you to go to a good
college and become a successful business man? (It could eventually lead to lots of money which gives us
false security and happiness, no dependency on God, which means a lukewarm relationship.)
-Remember, prayer is not just about ASKING. The purpose of prayer is COMMUNICATION with God. He
wants us to express our feelings and our cares to Him the same way a parent wants their child to tell them
about their problems after a bad day at school. 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares
for you.”
-When asking for healing: On the outside, asking for someone to be healed may look like an honorable
prayer. However, you could be deceiving yourself by hiding your own selfishness. Maybe you like this
person because he makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe this person is very entertaining and makes
you laugh. Maybe this person always listens to you when you talk about your problems and he always tells
you what you want to hear. Is it possible that the relationship you have with this person is replacing the
relationship and fellowship you should be having with God?
-If this is not the case, and your motives are pure, then remember that God is in control and He has a plan for
this person and for you – and it will be the best for you. (we can save this potential question for next week.)

Matthew 6:33 "33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you
as well."
8/14 - Motives and Intentions when praying (wrong motives = unanswered prayers). High School group
will focus on James 4:1-8. DOES ANYONE HAVE A BIBLE STORY THAT IS APPLICABLE
(someone who prayed or asked with wrong motives-Simon the Magician)? I would like to use a story to
illustrate James 4. The goal of focusing on motives and intentions when praying is to make them ask the
question: "Do I love God or do I love what He gives/offers me?" Basically, it's to encourage them to
focus on how God wants a relationship with us intensely (James 4:5) and how we should accept it and desire
it (James 4:8). It is my understanding that God will not give us what we ask for if it will hinder or replace
our love and relationship with God. Therefore, while it is okay to pray for good grades, for healed relatives,
for peace in the family - we should not want it more than we want God. This is a very difficult concept for
the youth and even myself to understand, but I think it is easier to understand it in the following week's
lesson (see the blue writing). As an illustration, I was thinking of using a water bottle filled with water with
a small amount of find dirt at the bottom (sediment). The clear and clean water is what is obvious, the
sediment at the bottom is not so obvious. When times get tough, the bottle gets shaken up and that reveals
the dirt (sin and unbelief) that is still present in our lives. God will put us through hard times to test us and
our prayers.

**Some notes on studying James 4:1-8 - In order to bring out the point about having a relationship with God,
it is necessary to use the love relationship James intended his readers to see - Christ is the husband and we
are the wife. James 4:4 "You adulterous people..." (NIV) "Adulterers and adulteresses..." (NKJV) "You
adulteresses,.." (NASB) The correct translation in Greek should be feminine, adulteresses. Without knowing
this, the full impact of what James is trying to convey is lost in translation.

8/21 - God is in Control (his character and master planning - also remember the illustration with the missing
puzzle pieces). I was thinking of using John 11:1-6 (Story of Lazarus) to illustrate how even though Jesus
loved Mary and Lazarus, He didn't respond to Mary as she wished and still purposely allowed Lazarus to die
in order that God's glory might be revealed. I hope this is a good way to illustrate the complexity of God's
plan as well as His love and how humans can not always understand how His love works. We pray
according to what we know (puzzle pieces we do have), and trust in God for those things we do not know
(the missing puzzle pieces). Because God works in ways we can't understand (Isaiah 55:8-9), simple and
innocent prayers might go unanswered. Therefore, while it is okay to pray for good grades, for healed
relatives, for peace in the family - God may give it LATER or NEVER because He's achieving His purposes
and while we may not like it at the time, it will eventually bring us more joy and satisfaction and love
towards God.

**Some notes on studying John 11:3-4 "So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
4
When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's
Son may be glorified through it." "When" is better translated as "therefore" or "because". Because Jesus
loved them, He purposely stayed 2 extra days to make sure Lazarus would be dead on arrival.

These are the basic points of the meeting, and I will try to stick to them without adding much more verses.
(15% bible reading & study and 85% discussion & application) I think the high school group will be able to
discuss this in depth as long as I bring out personal examples or stories I've heard. I'm not sure about the
middle school group.
Some verses to keep in my mind but don't necessarily have to bring them out: (I'm sure there's many more,
but these were the ones I could remember.)

Hebrews 12:7, 11 "7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not
disciplined by his father? " 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it
produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Romans 5:3-4 "3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces
perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope."

James 1:2-4 "2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know
that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Matthew 6:33 "33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you
as well."