Jacob Bowen 35 Gardner Road Vestal, NY 13850 jtbow247@yahoo.

com September 16, 2013 Dear Apple, I am writing to you today to share my displeasure with one of your products, the iPhone 4Ss. I want to start out with saying that I am a big fan of Apple's electronics. I believe that they are the best on the market so I am not biased against Apple like some people are, I'm just writing to share my dissatisfaction with my iPhone. Two years ago I bought the iPhone 4Ss when it first came out. I loved my iPhone because it worked great, but over time, it kept getting worse and worse. The data on it kept slowing down to a crawl and even switching between apps would take forever for it to process. Almost every time I made a phone call for longer than five minutes, it would automatically drop the call. These things sound small but over time it kept building up to a serious annoyance. The thing that by far bugged me the most, though, was that multiple times a week my phone would say that a message was sent but the recipient never ended up getting the text. This happened on just about a weekly basis and I just couldnt stand it so I was forced to switch to the Galaxy Ss4. The strangest part was that my friends iPhones never performed as poorly as mine did. I am currently studying to be an Electrical Engineering so I know the importance of taking good care of my phone. I took very good care of it, and it should have lasted me a very long time, but I dont understand what happened to it! Throughout the two years, I had it I never once dropped it or got it wet. I would keep the hardware and software as clean as possible. Once a month I would go through and delete all my old messages and apps I dont use just to clean up the software. I would clean the outside of the phone on a regular basis as well so the phone's poor performance cannot be blamed on lack of upkeep. I would like to thank you for taking the time to read through this letter. I know that my iPhone 4Ss's problems were probably a fluke thing but I expect more out of a big corporation such as Apple. I am asking you to please give me some kind of reimbursement for this or I will be forced to stop buying Apple products. I know that I am only one unsatisfied customer as opposed to millions of satisfied customers, most companies would just look past my complaint. I am asking you to please not be a typical company and to actually take action for this unfortunate mishap. Signed, Jacob Bowen
Comment [AP1]: Interesting word choice.

Comment [AP2]: Shouldnt this be implied as opposed to said. Does saying this nearly invalidate the claim?

Comment [AP3]: Does this have more to do with the service provider than Apple? Comment [AP4]: Can you use more precise language?

Comment [AP5]: Revise this. Comment [AP6]: Dont forget your commas, otherwise this is a run-on sentence. Comment [AP7]: Exclamation marks are like swear words, the more you use them, the less effective they are (and some times that can be just as abrasive). So when you decide to use one, treat it with the same amount of trepidation that you might with the swear word. Comment [AP8]: What is a fluke thing? try to use more precise language.

Jacob Bowen Rhetorical Analaysis English 9/11/13 title?

Formatted: Centered

In my complaint letter, I used many different instances of rhetoric that I believe helps get my point across in a much more persuading persuasive way. Rhetoric is defined as the art of persuasion, which is trying to convince some one of your statements. Rhetoric is generally achieved through three different ways: ethos, logos, and/or pathos. Ethos appeals to peoples ethics, it tries to convince them through their values. It also appeals to authority, when speaking people will often state their status in society and that makes people trust what they are saying more than if they didn't have any authority. Logos appeals to logic, it uses facts and reason to convince people of their beliefs. Finally Pathos appeals to emotion, in speaking or writing the speaker will use the audiences emotions to convince them of something. There were a couple different instances throughout my letter that appealed to the audience through ethos. The first instance of it was in the intro when I said I believe Apple products make the best electronics. That kind of set the tone for the rest of the letter. It appealed to Apples ethics by saying how they are the best so they should strive to live up to that. If they had any ethics then they would read through my letter and actually want to help. The second instance was when I said that I'm studying to be an Electrical Engineer, this shows my credibility. Studying to be an Electrical Engineer lets them know that I am fairly fluent in electronics. It tells them that I'm not just a typical person that abuses their phones. Finally in the last sentence of the letter I asked Apple to not be a typical company and to actually care about their customers. I feel like this is the most persuading piece of ethos in the letter. It appealed to
Comment [AP12]: Okay, good. Comment [AP11]: Good. I agree with this. You imply an ethos of a loyal apple customer. Comment [AP10]: Get into the analysis. This is not the time for a lesson. Comment [AP9]: Why are you telling me this? I already know. I was the one who told you what this means, right?

the readers ethics by asking them to be different and actually do something about my dissatisfaction. By Saying that they should be persuaded to help because they won't want me to be dissatisfied and stop buying Apple products. My letter also contained some instances of logos as well. The main occurrence of logos was when I said that I took good care of my phone so it shouldn't have been performing so poorly. Logically if something is well taken care of then it should not break easily and it should last a long time. That is why it was so surprising that my iPhone was not working as well as some of my friends iPhones, who actually didn't take care of their phones. Another example of logos in my essay was when I explained everything that was not working properly with my phone. This is logos because it was facts that got my point across and persuaded the reader that something was actually wrong with my phone. Finally, there were only two examples of pathos in my complaint letter. They were the first and the last sentences of the essay. The first sentence was pathos because I said how displeased I was with their product. It sets the tone for the rest of the letter by letting the reader know that I want something done about the particular issue. The final sentence of the letter was also pathos because I pleaded with Apple to be different and actually try to please their customers. I made them feel like a unique company because I made it seem like I expected them to be different and actually please all of their customers. Not every company would do that because they have so many other customers so there is no point in trying to please every single one of them. My whole goal of this complaint letter was to see if Apple would be willing to give me some kind of reimbursmentreimbursement for my bad experience with their product. I came right
Comment [AP15]: So are you saying youre basically inflating their ego? How would this help your cause? Comment [AP14]: Dont forget the possessive apostrophe. Comment [AP13]: These obligatory intro sentences seem awkward. Try a more clever way to ease into a slightly new topic. Or maybe just get right into it since these topics are not so disparate.

out and asked for something from them but I never specified what they should give me. This way Apple would be forced to decide on their own what they should do. I left it up to their morals and ethics when I said they should try to get 100% customer satisfaction so I'm hoping they will listen to my suggestion. Jake, I think you have a very good and worthwhile complaint here. I like the tone youve adopted and I think if you were to submit the letter, youd likely get a very positive response. I think youve done a great job with your analysis and explaining how you wrote the letter, which demonstrates thoughtful reflection on your writing process. I think there are moments when you could use slightly clearer language. Ive pointed out some of these in the margins. Also, I want you to consider academic essays as if they are conversations. I feel like, at times, you are writing the essay as if following a checklist. I want you to discuss the topic at hand as if you were having a conversation with someone, if that makes sense. By which, I dont mean write casually, but imagine that theres an actual person youre writing to. You should move from topic to topic naturally and smoothly. Also, watch your run-ons and comma usage. Lots of those here.