Shadowland: The Immortals

Book Jacket Series: Immortals [3] SUMMARY: E er and !amen ha e tra eled thro"#h co"ntless $ast li es and %o"#ht o%% the world&s darkest enemies to 'e to#ether %ore er( '"t )"st as their lon#*awaited destin+ is %inall+ within reach( a $ower%"l c"rse threatens them,

-raise %or The Immortals Series '+ Al+son .o/l 0Al+son .o/l s"r$assed all m+ e1$ectations, .ot onl+ is Bl"e Moon an ama2in# se3"el( it sets the 'ar %or the rest o% this series er+( er+ hi#h4 5hen I reached the last $a#e o% this one( all I co"ld sa+ was 6wow47 8 9Teens Read Too 0It is the mark o% a darin# writer to de%+ e1$ectations and Al+son .o/l does that to the $ower o% ten in Bl"e Moon, I #"arantee +o" will ha e no idea what7s comin# in the second 'ook o% the series while Al+son .o/l s"r$rises +o" with a 'i#( %at twist and lea es +o" wantin# more( more( more,8 9The Book :hick 0A mesmeri2in# tale o% teena#e an#st( lo e( and sacri%ice with $lent+ o% crosso er a$$eal, , , , The startlin# '"t satis%+in# endin# shows that .o/l knows how to kee$ her a"dience hooked, E er7s s"$ernat"ral str"##les are a ca$ti atin# meta$hor %or teena#e %ears a'o"t lo e( relationshi$s( and #rowin# "$,8 9-"'lishers 5eekl+ ;starred re iew< 0=ne o% the 'est 'ooks I7 e read this +ear, , , , 5ith immortal lo ers( tr"stworth+ %riends( 'etra+in# %ort"ne*tellers( and %reak+ identical twins( what more co"ld +o" ask %or> Bl"e Moon has me 'e##in# %or Shadowland4 I can7t wait %or the ne1t in the series,8 9The YA Book Blo##er 0Al+son .o/l has man+ talents to share as a writer( and she $ro es it a#ain and a#ain with her ama2in# Immortals series, She writes with an intensit+ and a $assion( her words wea in# $er%ectl+ to#ether to create an o erwhelmin# e1$erience %or the senses and the heart,8 9Teen Reads 0Bl"e Moon was incredi'le, I% +o" tho"#ht E ermore was %"ll o% s"s$ense and "nknowns( )"st wait "ntil +o" read Bl"e Moon, , , , The $lot was insane( and I mean that in a #ood wa+, .o/l took this no el in a direction I was ne er e1$ectin#( res"ltin# in an emotional roller*coaster ride that I ne er wanted to end, ?a'"lo"s,8 9The Stor+ Siren 0The Immortals series is so "ni3"e@ it7s like a 'reath o% %resh air, , , , .o/l knows how to $"ll +o" into her world with 'ea"ti%"l ima#er+ and mesmeri2in# words, Bl"e Moon is a $a#e*t"rner that will kee$ +o" readin# "ntil the last $a#e, J"st when +o" think +o" ha e the $lot %i#"red o"t( Al+son throws in another twist makin# it im$ossi'le to $"t this 'ook down,8 9?antastic Book Re iews ;A stars4<

0E er is a #reat character( and this is a hi#hl+ entertainin# series %or +o"n# ad"lt %ans, It7s a 3"ick read that is hard to $"t down, Bi id and intense( Bl"e Moon was a thrillin# se3"el,8 9Sci?i:hick,com 0I reall+ #ot into the 'ook9I %elt like I was in it( which is $ro'a'l+ wh+ I read it in a %ew ho"rs, I wo"ld #et so into Bl"e Moon that I wo"ld scream at it, Serio"sl+, M+ %amil+ looked at me like I was n"ts, 5hen I %inished the 'ook( I almost cried, .ot 'eca"se someone died( '"t 'eca"se , , , I lo e( lo e( lo ed this 'ook, I don7t know how I7m #oin# to make it "ntil the ne1t one comes o"t,8 9Shootin# Stars Ma# 0Teen an#st and the $aranormal make a com'"sti'le mi1 , , , Cettin# hooked on this new series( the Immortals( is #"aranteed,8 9RT Book Re iews ;D stars4< 0E ermore will thrill man+ teen %antas+*s"s$ense readers( es$eciall+ %ans o% Ste$henie Me+er7s Twili#ht series, , , , .o/l creates a cast o% reco#ni2a'l+ di erse teens in a realistic hi#h*school settin#( alon# with )"st the ri#ht tension to make E er7s disco er+ o% her own immortalit+9sho"ld she choose it9e1citin# and credi'le,8 9Booklist 0Bea"ti%"l main characters( tense '"ddin# romance( a dark secret( m+sterio"s immortals9what more co"ld +o" ask %rom this modern #othic romance>8 9J"stine Ma#a2ine 05hen I #ot a co$+ o% E ermore( I sat down to read it( intendin# to onl+ read a cha$ter or two, Instead( I 'la2ed thro"#h the %irst h"ndred $a#es 'e%ore I knew it , , , and then I didn7t want to $"t the 'ook down, E1ce$t I co"ldn7t kee$ m+ e+es o$en an+ lon#er, So I $icked it "$ the ne1t mornin# and %inished it, .ow I can7t wait , , , %or the second 'ook to see what ha$$ens ne1t,8 9Blo# :ritics Ma#a2ine 0Cet read+ %or a wild ride that is %illed with twistin# $aths and m+ster+( lo e and %antas+, , , , The writin# st+le( stor+( and characters are a 'it like those o% Me+er7s and Marr7s $o$"lar 'ooks( '"t written with a new twist and oice, And a%ter readin# the 'ook( +o" too will $ro'a'l+ want +o"r own !amen( e en i% it means makin# the "ltimate sacri%ice,8 9The Book E"een ;AFA stars4< 0Readers who en)o+ the works o% -, :, :ast and Ste$henie Me+er will lo e this o"tstandin# $aranormal teen*lit thriller,8 9Midwest Book Re iew 0I %o"nd m+sel% "nwillin# to $"t the 'ook down( e en tho"#h I had to at some $oints( 'eca"se I wanted to know what was #oin# to ha$$en, , , , E er was so real and her emotions were so 'elie a'le that it was a little cree$+, It7s like Al+son .o/l is act"all+ a #rie in#( lo estr"ck teena#er, She #ot E er com$letel+ $er%ect, And '+ $er%ect( I mean deli#ht%"ll+ %lawed and dee$,8 9The ?renetic Reader

0E ermore is a wonder%"l 'ook that I 'elie e wo"ld 'e a lo el+ addition to an+ li'rar+, , , , !e%initel+ a 'ook that %ans o% Ste$henie Me+er and Melissa Marr sho"ld add to their collections, !e%initel+ en#a#in# and will catch +o"r attention the min"te +o" o$en to the %irst $a#e48 9Mind o% a Bi'lio$hile 0Al+son .o/l creates a #reat $ict"re o% each and e er+ character in the 'ook, I am a %an o% the Twili#ht series and I recommend this 'ook to those who like the series as well, It is a er+ 3"ick read( with all the interestin# twists and t"rns,8 9?lamin#net Book Re iews 0I lo ed this 'ook, It reall+ kee$s +o"r attention thro"#ho"t the stor+( 'eca"se the $"22le #ets $ieced to#ether 'it '+ 'it( '"t +o" don7t know e1actl+ what ha$$ened "ntil the end, The onl+ thin# that disa$$oints me is that the second 'ook won7t 'e $"'lished %or a while, I wo"ld de%initel+ recommend this to m+ %riends,8 9-ortsmo"th Teen Book Re iew 0E ermore7s s"s$ense( eerie m+ster+( and stran#e ma#ic were interestin#l+ entertainin#, , , , I %o"nd E er to 'e a character I co"ld reall+ res$ect, , , , Recommended,8 9The Bookworm 0E ermore was a #reat wa+ to li#hten m+ readin# load this winter and $ro ided me with a creati e( ma#ical stor+ that I reall+ en)o+ed, This is the %irst in a series %or .o/l and I think she ma+ ha e a hit on her hands, , , , E ermore has #ood and e il( lika'le characters( i id descri$tions( and a #ood stor+,8 9-lanet Books 0I %ell into it easil+( and lo ed the world .o/l created, , , , The %act that E er had $s+chic $owers was tr"l+ interestin#, The+ %lowed neatl+ thro"#h the 'ook and I %elt E er7s $ain, , , , Tr"st me( this 'ook was reall+ #ood, I co"ldn7t $"t it down, Al+son .o/l created an ama2in# new world( and a%ter this 'ook I am so c"rio"s to see where it heads 'eca"se honestl+( I ha e no idea,8 9Readin# Gee$s Yo" Sane 0E er is an eas+ character to like, I reall+ %elt %or her 'eca"se o% all she lost and what she str"##led with dail+, , , , E ermore was a reall+ %ast( en#a#in# read with some #reat characters, It is the %irst in a series( so I7m ea#er to see i% we will learn more a'o"t E er( !amen( and %riends in the ne1t one , , , it7s s"re to 'e a #reat read,8 9.in)a Re iews 0The writin# here is clear( the stor+ well*de%ined( and narrator E er has an en#a#in# oice that teens sho"ld en)o+,8 9Jan"ar+ Ma#a2ine 0Al+son .o/l created a well*detailed stor+ that makes it eas+ %or the reader to is"ali2e 'oth the characters and the world aro"nd them, E ermore has a %amiliar theme that attracts readers( '"t inside this 'ook +o"7ll %ind that the a"thor has added some "ni3"e details that set it a$art and will s"r$rise +o",8 9The Ra eno"s Reader 0This +o"n# ad"lt no el $onders immortal lo e and the knowled#e that 6re en#e weakens and lo e stren#thens,7 ?ans o% the Twili#ht series sho"ld lo e it,8 9=ran#e :oast Ma#a2ine 0.o/l writes an emotional( tho"#ht%"l 'ook that made me cr+ in a co"$le o% $laces, E ermore was an eas+ no el to #et s"cked into( and I wanted to #et 'ack to it as soon as $ossi'le, I% +o" lo e Ste$henie Me+er( +o" will H=BE this 'ook,8 9.i#ht =wl Romance 0E ermore is a %resh and ori#inal work that , , , 'ranches o"t and e1$lores new #ro"nd, !e%initel+ recommended,8 9:ool Moms R"le4 0I totall+ H=BE Al+son .o/l7s E ermore, , , , .o/l has deli ered a delicio"sl+ %resh new series that will 'e the ne1t new thin# that has e er+ teen and e en ad"lts e er+where hooked and waitin# %or more, , , , This is a kee$er and a 'ook that +o" ha e to #o o"t and '"+ ri#ht now 'eca"se i% +o" don7t +o" will 'e missin# o"t, -eo$le will 'e askin# i% +o" ha e 'een li in# "nder a rock i% +o" don7t #i e E ermore a tr+( and that is )"st not acce$ta'le,8 9Talk A'o"t M+ ?a orite A"thors

Also '+ Al+son .o/l Bl"e Moon E ermore :r"el S"mmer Sa in# Io/ Giss J Blo# Ha#"na :o e ?l+ Me to the Moon Art Ceeks and -rom E"eens ?akin# KL

al+son no/l

st, martin7s #ri%%in new +ork

This is a work o% %iction, All o% the characters( or#ani2ations( and e ents $ortra+ed in this no el are either $rod"cts o% the a"thor7s ima#ination or are "sed %ictitio"sl+, SMA!=5HA.!, :o$+ri#ht N OPPL '+ Al+son .o/l, All ri#hts reser ed, -rinted in the United States o% America, ?or in%ormation( address St, Martin7s -ress( KQA ?i%th A en"e( .ew York( .,Y, KPPKP, www,stmartins,com ISB. LQR*P*3KO*ALPDD*D ?irst Edition: .o em'er OPPL KP L R Q S A D 3 O K

In memor+ o% Blake Sn+der( KLAQTOPPL: An ins$irin# teacher( whose #enerosit+( enth"siasm( and #en"ine $assion %or hel$in# others is "ns"r$assed, Ma+ his s$irit li e on in his 'ooks and his teachin#s,

acknowled#ments

It takes a whole team o% $eo$le to make a 'ook ha$$en( and I7m incredi'l+ l"ck+ to work with s"ch a #reat one4 Bi#( h"#e( s$arkl+ thanks #o to: Bill :ontardi9the $er%ect 'lend o% 'rains( heart( and sl+ sense o% h"mor9the 'est dan# a#ent an a"thor co"ld ask %or4 Matthew Shear and Rose Milliard9$"'lisher and editor e1tra*ordinaire9I co"ldn7t ha e done it witho"t them4 Anne Marie Tall'er# and Brittan+ Glein%elter9the 'rilliant 'rains 'ehind the immortalsseries,com 5e' site9thanks %or +o"r creati e ideas and m"ch* needed tech s"$$ort4 Gat+ Mersh'er#er( who not onl+ has #reat taste in m"sic '"t ha$$ens to 'e a #reat $"'licist too4 The ama2in#l+ talented $eo$le in the art de$artment( An#ela Coddard and Jeanette He +( who desi#n the most 'ea"ti%"l( drool*worth+ co ers4 Alon# with e er+one else in sales and marketin# and $rod"ction and an+ other de$artment I7m s"re I7m %or#ettin#9thank +o" %or all that +o" do9+o" #"+s rock4 Also( h"#s and lo e to Sand+ %or 'ein# a constant so"rce o% ins$iration( la"#hter( and %"n9m+ er+ own !amen A"#"ste4 And I7d 'e com$letel+ remiss not to mention +o"( the reader9+o"r messa#es( e*mails( letters( and artwork ne er %ail to make m+ da+, Thanks %or 'ein# so incredi'l+ awesome4

shadowland

?ate is nothin# '"t the deeds committed in a $rior state o% e1istence, 9Ral$h 5aldo Emerson

one

0E er+thin# is ener#+,8 !amen7s dark e+es %oc"s on mine( "r#in# me to listen( reall+ listen this time, 0E er+thin# aro"nd "s98 Mis arm swee$s 'e%ore him( tracin# a %adin# hori2on that7ll soon %ade to 'lack, 0E er+thin# in this seemin#l+ solid "ni erse o% o"rs isn7t solid at all9it7s ener#+9$"re i'ratin# ener#+, And while o"r $erce$tion ma+ con ince "s that thin#s are either solid or li3"id or #aseo"s9on the 3"ant"m le el it7s all )"st $articles within $articles9it7s all )"st ener#+,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and nod( his oice o er$owered '+ the one in m+ head "r#in#: Tell him4 Tell him now4 E"it stallin#( and )"st #et it o er with4 M"rr+( 'e%ore he starts talkin# a#ain4 B"t I don7t, I don7t sa+ a word, I )"st wait %or him to contin"e so I can dela+ e en %"rther, 0Raise +o"r hand,8 Me nods( $alm o"t( mo in# toward mine, Hi%tin# m+ arm slowl+( ca"tio"sl+( determined to a oid an+ and all $h+sical contact when he sa+s( 0.ow tell me( what do +o" see>8 I s3"int( "ns"re what he7s a%ter( then shr"##in# I sa+( 05ell( I see $ale skin( lon# %in#ers( a %reckle or two( nails in serio"s need o% a manic"re , , ,8 0E1actl+,8 Me smiles( as tho"#h I )"st $assed the world7s easiest test, 0B"t i% +o" co"ld see it as it reall+ is( +o" wo"ldn7t see that at all, Instead +o"7d see a swarm o% molec"les containin# $rotons( ne"trons( electrons( and 3"arks, And within those tin+ 3"arks( down to the most min"sc"le $oint( +o"7d see nothin# '"t $"re i'ratin# ener#+ mo in# at a s$eed slow eno"#h that it a$$ears solid and dense( and +et 3"ickl+ eno"#h that it can7t 'e o'ser ed %or what it tr"l+ is,8 I narrow m+ e+es( not s"re I 'elie e it, .e er mind the %act that he7s 'een st"d+in# this st"%% %or h"ndreds o% +ears, 0Serio"sl+( E er, .othin# is se$arate,8 Me leans toward me( %"ll+ warmed "$ to his s"')ect now, 0E er+thin# is one, Items that a$$ear dense( like +o" and I( and this sand that we7re sittin# on( are reall+ )"st a mass o% ener#+ i'ratin# slowl+ eno"#h to seem solid( while thin#s like #hosts and s$irits i'rate so 3"ickl+ the+7re nearl+ im$ossi'le %or most h"mans to see,8 0I see Rile+(8 I sa+( ea#er to remind him o% all the time I "sed to s$end with m+ #hostl+ sister, 0=r at least I "sed to( +o" know( 'e%ore she crossed the 'rid#e and mo ed on,8 0And that7s e1actl+ wh+ +o" can7t see her an+more,8 Me nods, 0Mer i'ration is mo in# too %ast, Tho"#h there are those who can see $ast all o% that,8 I #a2e at the ocean 'e%ore "s( the swells rollin# in( one a%ter another, Endless( "nceasin#( immortal9like "s, 0.ow raise +o"r hand a#ain and 'rin# it so close to mine we )"st nearl+ to"ch,8 I hesitate( %illin# m+ $alm with sand( "nwillin# to do it, Unlike him( I know the $rice( the dire conse3"ences the sli#htest skin*on*skin contact can 'rin#, 5hich is wh+ I7 e 'een a oidin# his to"ch since last ?rida+, B"t when I $eer at him a#ain( his $alm o"t( waitin# %or mine( I take a dee$ 'reath and li%t m+ hand too9#as$in# when he draws so close the s$ace that di ides is ra2or thin, 0?eel that>8 Me smiles, 0That tin#le and heat> That7s o"r ener#+ connectin#,8 Me mo es his hand 'ack and %orth( mani$"latin# the $"sh and $"ll o% the ener#+ %orce %ield 'etween "s, 0B"t i% we7re all connected like +o" sa+( then wh+ doesn7t it all %eel the same>8 I whis$er( drawn '+ the "ndenia'le ma#netic stream that links "s( ca"sin# the most wonder%"l warmth to co"rse thro"#h m+ 'od+, 05e are all connected( all o% "s made o% the same i'ratin# so"rce, B"t while some ener#+ lea es +o" cold and some lea es +o" l"kewarm( the one that +o"7re destined %or> It %eels )"st like this,8 I close m+ e+es and t"rn( allowin# the tears to stream down m+ cheeks( no lon#er a'le to kee$ them in check, Gnowin# I7m 'arred %rom the %eel o% his skin( the to"ch o% his li$s( the solid warm com%ort o% his 'od+ on mine, This electric ener#+ %ield that trem'les 'etween "s is the closest I7ll #et( thanks to the horri'le decision I made, 0Science is )"st now catchin# "$ with what meta$h+sicians and the #reat s$irit"al teachers ha e known %or cent"ries, E er+thin# is ener#+, E er+thin# is one,8 I can hear the smile in his oice as he draws closer( ea#er to entwine his %in#ers with mine, B"t I mo e awa+ 3"ickl+( catchin# his e+e )"st lon# eno"#h to see the look o% h"rt that crosses his %ace9the same look he7s 'een #i in# me since I made him drink the antidote that ret"rned him to li%e, 5onderin# wh+ I7m actin# so 3"iet( so distant( so remote9re%"sin# to to"ch him when )"st a %ew weeks 'e%ore I co"ldn7t #et eno"#h, Incorrectl+ ass"min# it7s 'eca"se o% his h"rt%"l 'eha ior9his %lirtin# with Stacia( his cr"elt+ toward me9when the tr"th is( it has nothin# to do with that, Me was "nder Roman7s s$ell( the entire school was, It wasn7t his %a"lt, 5hat he doesn7t know is that while the antidote ret"rned him to li%e( the moment I added m+ 'lood to the mi1 it also ens"red we co"ld ne er 'e to#ether, .e er, E er, ?or all o% eternit+, 0E er>8 he whis$ers( oice dee$ and sincere, B"t I can7t look at him, :an7t to"ch him, And I certainl+ can7t "tter the words he deser es to hear: I messed "$9I7m so sorr+9Roman tricked me( and I was des$erate and d"m' eno"#h to %all %or his $lo+9And now there7s no ho$e %or "s 'eca"se i% +o" kiss me( i% we e1chan#e o"r !.A9+o"7ll die9 I can7t do it, I7m the worst kind o% coward, I7m $athetic and weak, And there7s )"st no wa+ I can %ind it within me, 0E er( $lease( what is it>8 he asks( alarmed '+ m+ tears, 0Yo"7 e 'een like this %or da+s, Is it me> Is it somethin# I7 e done> Beca"se +o" know I don7t remem'er m"ch o% what ha$$ened( and the memories that are startin# to s"r%ace( well( +o" m"st know '+ now that wasn7t the real me, I wo"ld ne er intentionall+ h"rt +o", I7d ne er harm +o" in an+ wa+,8 I h"# m+sel% ti#htl+( scr"nchin# m+ sho"lders and 'owin# m+ head, 5ishin# I co"ld make m+sel% smaller( so small he co"ld no lon#er see me, Gnowin# his words are tr"e( that he7s inca$a'le o% h"rtin# me( onl+ I co"ld do somethin# so h"rt%"l( so rash( so ridic"lo"sl+ im$"lsi e, =nl+ I co"ld 'e st"$id eno"#h to %all %or Roman7s 'ait, So ea#er to $ro e m+sel% as !amen7s one tr"e lo e9wantin# to 'e the onl+ one who co"ld sa e him9and now look at the mess that I7 e made, Me mo es toward me( slidin# his arm aro"nd me( #ras$in# m+ waist and $"llin# me near, B"t I can7t risk the closeness( m+ tears are lethal now( and m"st 'e ke$t %ar %rom his skin, I scram'le to m+ %eet and r"n toward the ocean( c"rlin# m+ toes at its ed#e and allowin# the cold white %roth to s$lash onto m+ shins, 5ishin# I co"ld di e "nder its astness and 'e carried '+ the tide, An+thin# to a oid sa+in# the words9an+thin# to a oid tellin# m+ one tr"e lo e( m+ eternal $artner( m+ so"l mate %or the last %o"r h"ndred +ears( that while he ma+ ha e #i en me eternit+9I7 e 'ro"#ht "s o"r end, I remain like that( silent and still, 5aitin# %or the s"n to sink "ntil I %inall+ t"rn to %ace him, Takin# in his dark shadow+ o"tline( nearl+ indistin#"isha'le %rom the ni#ht( and s$eakin# $ast the stin# in m+ throat when I m"m'le( 0!amen , , , 'a'+ , , , there7s somethin# I need to tell +o",8

two

I kneel 'eside him( hands on m+ knees( toes '"ried in sand( wishin# he7d look at me( wishin# he7d s$eak, E en i% it7s onl+ to tell me what I alread+ know9that I made a #ra e and st"$id mistake9one that will $ossi'l+ ne er 'e erased, I7d #ladl+ acce$t it9heck( I deser e it, 5hat I can7t stand is his a'sol"te silence and %arawa+ #a2e, And I7m )"st a'o"t to sa+ somethin#( an+thin#( to 'reak this "n'eara'le stillness( when he looks at me with e+es so wear+ the+7re the $er%ect em'odiment o% his si1 h"ndred +ears, 0Roman,8 Me si#hs( shakin# his head, 0I didn7t reco#ni2e him( I had no idea98 Mis oice trails o%% alon# with his #a2e, 0There7s no wa+ +o" co"ld7 e known(8 I sa+( ea#er to erase an+ #"ilt he mi#ht %eel, 0Yo" were "nder his s$ell %rom the er+ %irst da+, Belie e me( he had it all $lanned( made s"re an+ memories were com$letel+ erased,8 Mis e+es search m+ %ace st"d+in# me closel+ 'e%ore he stands and t"rns awa+, Ca2in# o"t at the ocean( hands 'alled into %ists as he sa+s( 0!id he h"rt +o"> !id he #o a%ter +o" or harm +o" in an+ wa+>8 I shake m+ head, 0Me didn7t ha e to, It was eno"#h to h"rt me thro"#h +o",8 Me t"rns( e+es #rowin# darker as his %eat"res harden( inhalin# dee$l+ as he sa+s( 0This is m+ %a"lt,8 I #a$e( wonderin# how he co"ld $ossi'l+ 'elie e that a%ter the case I )"st made, Risin# to m+ %eet and standin# 'eside him as I cr+( 0!on7t 'e ridic"lo"s4 =% co"rse it7s not +o"r %a"lt4 !id +o" listen to an+thin# I said>8 I shake m+ head, 0Roman $oisoned +o"r eli1ir and h+$noti2ed +o", Yo" had nothin# to do with it( +o" were )"st doin# his 'iddin#9it was 'e+ond +o"r control48 B"t I7 e 'arel+ %inished when he7s alread+ dismissin# it with a wa e o% his hand, 0E er( don7t +o" see> This isn7t a'o"t Roman( or +o"( this is karma, This is retri'"tion %or si1 cent"ries o% sel%ish li in#,8 Me shakes his head and la"#hs( tho"#h it7s not the kind that asks +o" to )oin in, It7s the other kind9the kind that chills +o" to the 'one, 0A%ter all those +ears o% lo in# +o" and losin# +o"( a#ain and a#ain( I was s"re that was m+ $"nishment %or the wa+ I7d 'een li in#( ha in# no idea +o"7d died at !rina7s hand, B"t now I see the tr"th I7 e missed all alon#, J"st when I was s"re I7d e aded karma '+ makin# +o" immortal and kee$in# +o" %ore er '+ m+ side( karma #ets the last la"#h( allowin# "s an eternit+ to#ether( '"t onl+ to look( ne er to to"ch each other a#ain,8 I reach %or him( wantin# to hold him( com%ort him( con ince him that it7s not at all tr"e, B"t I $"ll awa+ )"st as 3"ickl+, Remem'erin# how o"r ina'ilit+ to to"ch is the er+ thin# that #ot "s 'oth here, 0That7s not tr"e(8 I sa+( #a2e %i1ed on his, 05h+ wo"ld +o" 'e $"nished when I7m the one who made the mistake> !on7t +o" see>8 I shake m+ head( %r"strated '+ his sin#"lar wa+ o% thinkin#, 0Roman $lanned it all alon#, Me lo ed !rina9I 'et +o" didn7t know that( h"h> Me was one o% the or$hans +o" sa ed %rom the $la#"e 'ack in Renaissance ?lorence( and he lo ed her %or all o% those cent"ries( wo"ld7 e done an+thin# %or her, B"t !rina didn7t care a'o"t him( she onl+ lo ed +o"9and +o" onl+ lo ed me9and then( well( a%ter I killed her( Roman decided to #o a%ter me9onl+ he did it thro"#h +o", 5antin# me to %eel the $ain o% ne er 'ein# a'le to to"ch +o" a#ain9)"st like he %eels with !rina4 And it all ha$$ened so %ast( I )"st98 I sto$( knowin# it7s "seless( a total waste o% words, Me sto$$ed listenin# )"st a%ter I started( con inced he7s at %a"lt, B"t I re%"se to e en isit that $lace( and I won7t let him either, 0!amen( $lease4 Yo" can7t )"st #i e "$, This isn7t karma9it7s me4 I made a mistake( a horri'le( dread%"l mistake, B"t that doesn7t mean we can7t %i1 it4 There m"st 'e a wa+,8 :lin#in# to the %alsest o% ho$es( %orcin# an enth"siasm I don7t reall+ %eel, !amen stands 'e%ore me( a dark silho"ette in the ni#ht( the warmth o% his sad tired #a2e ser in# as o"r onl+ em'race, 0I ne er sho"ld7 e started(8 he sa+s, 0.e er sho"ld7 e made the eli1ir9sho"ld7 e let thin#s take their own nat"ral co"rse, Serio"sl+( E er( )"st look at the res"lt9it7s 'ro"#ht nothin# '"t $ain48 Me shakes his head( his #a2e so sad( so contrite( m+ heart ca es, 0There7s still time %or +o" tho"#h, Yo"7 e #ot +o"r whole li%e ahead o% +o"9an eternit+ where +o" can 'e an+thin# +o" want to 'e( do an+thin# +o" want to do, B"t me98 Me shr"#s, 0I7m tainted, I think we can all see the res"lt o% m+ si1 h"ndred +ears,8 0.o48 M+ oice 3"i ers as m+ li$s trem'le so 'adl+ it s$reads to m+ cheeks, 0Yo" don7t #et to walk awa+( +o" don7t #et to lea e me a#ain4 I s$ent the last month #oin# thro"#h hell to sa e +o"( and now that +o"7re well I7m not a'o"t to #i e "$, 5e7re meant %or each other( +o" said it +o"rsel%4 5e7re )"st e1$eriencin# a tem$orar+ set'ack( that7s all, B"t i% we can )"st $"t o"r heads to#ether( I know we7ll think o% a wa+ to , , ,8 I sto$( oice %adin#( seein# he7s alread+ mo ed on( retreatin# to his 'leak sorr+ world where he7s solel+ to 'lame, And I know it7s time to tell the rest o% the stor+( the sorr+( re#ret%"l $arts I7d $re%er to lea e o"t, Ma+'e then he7ll see it di%%erentl+( ma+'e then9 0There7s more(8 I sa+( r"shin# ahead tho"#h I7 e no idea how to $hrase what comes ne1t, 0So 'e%ore +o" ass"me karma7s o"t to #et +o" or whate er( +o" need to know somethin# else( somethin# I7m not e1actl+ $ro"d o%( '"t still98 Then I take a dee$ 'reath and tell him a'o"t m+ tri$s to S"mmerland9that ma#ical dimension 'etween the dimensions where I learned how to #o 'ack in time9and that #i en the choice 'etween m+ %amil+ and him9I chose them, :on inced I co"ld somehow restore the %"t"re I was s"re had 'een stolen( and +et all it reall+ amo"nted to was a lesson I alread+ knew: Sometimes destin+ lies )"st o"tside o% o"r reach, I swallow hard and stare at the sand( rel"ctant to see !amen7s reaction when he looks into the e+es o% the one who 'etra+ed him, B"t instead o% #ettin# mad or "$set like I tho"#ht( he s"rro"nds me with the most 'ea"ti%"l #lowin# white li#ht9a li#ht so com%ortin#( so %or#i in#( so $"re9it7s like the $ortal to S"mmerland9onl+ 'etter, So I close m+ e+es and s"rro"nd him with li#ht too( and when I o$en them a#ain( we7re wra$$ed in the most 'ea"ti%"l warm ha2+ #low, 0Yo" had no choice(8 he sa+s( oice #entle( #a2e soothin#( doin# e er+thin# he can to ease all m+ shame, 0=% co"rse +o" chose +o"r %amil+, It was the ri#ht thin# to do, I wo"ld7 e done the same9#i en the choice98 I nod( shinin# his li#ht e en 'ri#hter and tackin# on a tele$athic em'race, Gnowin# it7s not nearl+ as com%ortin# as the real thin# '"t %or now it7ll do, 0I know a'o"t +o"r %amil+( I know e er+thin#( I saw it all98 Me looks at me with e+es so dark and intense I %orce m+sel% to contin"e, 0Yo"7re alwa+s so secreti e a'o"t +o"r $ast( where +o" came %rom( how +o" li ed9and so one da+( while I was in S"mmerland( I asked a'o"t +o"9and9well9+o"r entire li%e stor+ was re ealed,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and $eer at him standin# 'e%ore me so silent and still, Si#hin# as he #a2es into m+ e+es and tele$athicall+ traces his %in#ers alon# the c"r e o% m+ cheek9creatin# an ima#e so deli'erate( so $al$a'le( it almost seems real, 0I7m sorr+(8 he sa+s( th"m' mentall+ smoothin# m+ chin, 0I7m sorr+ I was so sh"t down and "nwillin# to share that I red"ced +o" to that, B"t e en tho"#h it ha$$ened a lon# time a#o( it7s still somethin# I $re%er not to disc"ss,8 I nod( ha in# no intention o% $"shin# it, Mis witnessin# his $arents7 m"rder %ollowed '+ +ears o% a'"se at the hands o% the ch"rch is not a s"')ect I intend to $"rs"e, 0B"t there7s more(8 I sa+( ho$in# I can ma+'e restore a little ho$e '+ sharin# somethin# else that I learned, 05hen I was watchin# +o"r li%e "n%old( at the end( Roman had killed +o", B"t e en tho"#h that seemed %ated to ha$$en( I still mana#ed to sa e +o",8 I #a2e at him( sensin# he7s %ar %rom con inced and r"shin# ahead 'e%ore I lose him com$letel+, 0I mean( +eah( ma+'e o"r %ate is sometimes %i1ed and "nchan#ea'le( '"t there are other times when it7s sha$ed $"rel+ '+ the actions we take, So when I co"ldn7t sa e m+ %amil+ '+ #oin# 'ack in time( it7s onl+ 'eca"se that was a destin+ that co"ldn7t 'e chan#ed, =r as Rile+ said seconds 'e%ore the second accident that took them a#ain( 6Yo" can7t chan#e the $ast( it )"st is,7 B"t when I %o"nd m+sel% ri#ht

'ack here in Ha#"na( and I was a'le to sa e +o"( well( I think it $ro es that the %"t"re isn7t alwa+s concrete( not e er+thin# is r"led solel+ '+ %ate,8 0Ma+'e so,8 Me si#hs( #a2e %i1ed on mine, 0B"t +o" can7t esca$e karma( E er, It is what it is, It doesn7t )"d#e( it7s neither #ood nor 'ad like most $eo$le think, It7s the res"lt o% all actions( $ositi e and ne#ati e9a constant 'alancin# o% e ents9ca"se and e%%ect9tit %or tat9rea$in# and sowin#9what #oes aro"nd comes aro"nd,8 Me shr"#s, 0Mowe er +o" $hrase it( it7s the same in the end, And as m"ch as +o"7d like to think otherwise( that7s e1actl+ what7s ha$$enin# here, All actions ca"se a reaction, And this is where m+ actions ha e 'ro"#ht me,8 Me shakes his head, 0All this time I told m+sel% I t"rned +o" o"t o% lo e9'"t now I see it was reall+ o"t o% sel%ishness9'eca"se I co"ldn7t 'e witho"t +o", That7s wh+ this is ha$$enin# now,8 0So( that7s it>8 I shake m+ head( hardl+ 'elie in# he7s determined to #i e "$ so easil+, 0That7s how it ends> Yo"7re )"st so dan# s"re +o"7 e 'een chased down '+ karma +o" don7t e en tr+ to %i#ht 'ack> Yo" came all this wa+ )"st so we co"ld 'e to#ether and now that we7re %acin# an o'stacle( +o"7re not e en #oin# to tr+ to scale the 'rick wall in o"r $ath>8 0E er,8 Mis #a2e is warm( lo in#( all*encom$assin#( '"t it does nothin# to cancel the de%eat in his oice, 0I7m sorr+( '"t there are some thin#s I )"st know,8 0Yeah( well , , ,8 I shake m+ head and #a2e down at the #ro"nd( '"r+in# m+ toes dee$ in the sand, 0J"st 'eca"se +o"7 e #ot a %ew cent"ries on me doesn7t mean +o" #et the last word, Beca"se i% we7re tr"l+ in this to#ether( i% o"r li es( like o"r %ate( is tr"l+ entwined( then +o"7ll reali2e this isn7t )"st ha$$enin# to +o"( I7m $art o% it too, And +o" don7t #et to walk awa+ %rom it9+o" don7t #et to walk awa+ %rom me4 5e7 e #ot to work to#ether4 There has to 'e a wa+98 I sto$( 'od+ shakin#( throat closed so ti#ht I can no lon#er s$eak, All I can do is stand there 'e%ore him( silentl+ "r#in# him to )oin me in a %i#ht I7m not s"re we can win, 0I7 e no $lans to lea e +o"(8 he sa+s( #a2e %illed with the lon#in# o% %o"r h"ndred +ears, 0I can7t lea e +o"( E er, Belie e me( I7 e tried, B"t in the end( I alwa+s %ind m+ wa+ 'ack to +o"r side, Yo"7re all I7 e e er wanted9all I7 e e er lo ed9'"t E er98 0.o '"ts,8 I shake m+ head( wishin# I co"ld hold him( to"ch him( $ress m+ 'od+ ti#htl+ a#ainst his, 0There7s #ot to 'e a wa+( some kind o% c"re, And to#ether we7ll %ind it, I )"st know that we will, 5e7 e come too %ar to let Roman kee$ "s a$art, B"t I can7t do it alone, .ot witho"t +o"r hel$, So $lease $romise me9$romise +o"7ll tr+,8 Me looks at me( his #a2e l"rin# me in, :losin# his e+es as he %ills the 'each with so man+ t"li$s the entire co e is '"rstin# with wa1+ red $etals ato$ #reen c"r in# stems9the "ltimate s+m'ol o% o"r "nd+in# lo e co erin# e er+ s3"are inch o% sand, Then he sli$s his arm thro"#h mine and leads me 'ack to his car, ="r skin se$arated onl+ '+ his s"$$le 'lack leather )acket and m+ or#anic cotton tee, Eno"#h to s$are the conse3"ences o% an+ accidental !.A e1chan#e( '"t "na'le to tem$er the tin#le and heat that $"lsates 'etween "s,

three

0C"ess what>8 Miles #a2es at me as he clim's into m+ car( 'i# 'rown e+es wider than "s"al( c"te 'a'+ %ace c"r in# into a #rin, 0.o( +o" know what> !on7t #"ess, I7ll )"st tell +o"( 7ca"se +o"7re ne er #onna 'elie e it4 Yo"7re ne er #onna #"ess48 I smile( hearin# his tho"#hts a %ew moments 'e%ore he can s$eak them( re%rainin# %rom sa+in#: Yo"7re #oin# to actin# cam$ in Ital+4 J"st moments 'e%ore he sa+s( 0I7m #oin# to actin# cam$ in Ital+4 .o( correction( make that ?lorence( Ital+4 Mome o% Heonardo da Binci( Michelan#elo( Ra$hael98 And +o"r #ood %riend !amen A"#"ste( who act"all+ knew all o% those artists4 0I7 e known a'o"t the $ossi'ilit+ %or a %ew weeks '"t it )"st 'ecame o%%icial last ni#ht and I still can7t 'elie e it4 Ei#ht weeks in ?lorence( doin# nothin# '"t actin#( eatin#( and stalkin# smolderin# hot Italian men , , ,8 I #lance at him as I 'ack o"t o% his dri e, 0And Molt7s #ood with all that>8 Miles looks at me, 0Me+( +o" know the drill, 5hat ha$$ens in Ital+ sta+s in Ital+,8 E1ce$t when it doesn7t, M+ tho"#hts dri%tin# to !rina and Roman( wonderin# how man+ more immortal ro#"es are still o"t there( )"st waitin# to show "$ in Ha#"na Beach and terrori2e me, 0An+wa+( I7m lea in# soon( )"st a%ter school #ets o"t, And I ha e so m"ch to $re$are 'etween now and then4 =h( and I almost %or#ot the 'est $art9well 9one o% the 'est $arts, As it )"st so ha$$ens it all works o"t $er%ectl+ since m+ Mairs$ra+ r"n ends the week 'e%ore I lea e( so I7ll still #et m+ %inal 'ow as Trac+ T"rn'lad9I mean( serio"sl+( how $er%ect is that>8 0Serio"sl+ $er%ect,8 I smile, 0Reall+, :on#rats, That7s so cool, And well deser ed I mi#ht add, I onl+ wish I co"ld #o with +o",8 And the moment I sa+ it( I reali2e it7s tr"e, It wo"ld 'e so nice to esca$e all m+ $ro'lems( 'oard a $lane and %l+ awa+ %rom all this, Besides( I miss han#in# with Miles, The last %ew weeks when he and Ma en ;alon# with the rest o% the school< were "nder Roman7s s$ell were some o% the loneliest da+s o% m+ li%e, .ot ha in# !amen 'eside me was more than I co"ld 'ear( '"t not ha in# the s"$$ort o% m+ two 'est %riends nearl+ sent me o er the ed#e, B"t Miles and Ma en don7t remem'er an+ o% that( none o% them do, =nl+ !amen can access small 'its and $ieces( and what he recalls lea es him %eelin# terri'l+ #"ilt+, 0I wish +o" co"ld come too(8 he sa+s( messin# with m+ car stereo( tr+in# to %ind )"st the ri#ht so"ndtrack to match his #ood mood, 0Ma+'e a%ter #rad"ation we can all #o to E"ro$e4 5e can #et E"rail $asses( sta+ in +o"th hostels( 'ack$ack aro"nd9how cool wo"ld that 'e> J"st the si1 o% "s( +o" know( +o" and !amen( Ma en and Josh( and me and whoe er , , ,8 0Yo" and whoe er>8 I #lance at him, 05hat7s that a'o"t>8 0I7m a realist,8 Me shr"#s, 0-lease,8 I roll m+ e+es, 0Since when>8 0Since last ni#ht when I %o"nd o"t I7m #oin# to Ital+,8 Me la"#hs( r"nnin# a hand thro"#h his cro$$ed 'rown hair, 0Histen( Molt7s #reat and all( don7t #et me wron#, B"t I7m not %oolin# m+sel%, I7m not $retendin# it7s an+thin# more than it is, It7s like we7 e #ot an e1$iration date( +o" know> A %"ll three acts with a de%inite 'e#innin#( middle( and end, It7s not like with +o" and !amen, Yo" #"+s are di%%erent, Yo"7re li%ers,8 0Hi%ers>8 I $eer at him( shakin# m+ head as I sto$ at a tra%%ic li#ht, 0So"nds more like a $rison term than a ha$$il+ e er a%ter,8 0Yo" know what I mean,8 Me ins$ects his manic"re( t"rnin# his hot*$ink Trac+ T"rn'lad nails this wa+ and that, 0It7s )"st that +o" #"+s are so in t"ne with each other( so connected, And I mean that literall+ '+ the wa+ since +o"7re $rett+ m"ch alwa+s #oin# at it,8 .ot an+more, I swallow hard( $"nchin# the #as the second the li#ht t"rns #reen( crossin# the intersection with a lo"d screech o% wheels and lea in# a thick trail o% r"''er 'ehind, Re%"sin# to slow "ntil I $"ll into the $arkin# lot and scan %or !amen who alwa+s $arks in the second 'est s$ace ne1t to mine, B"t e en a%ter I set the 'rake( he7s nowhere to 'e %o"nd, And I7m )"st a'o"t to clim' o"t( wonderin# where he co"ld 'e( when he a$$ears ri#ht 'eside me( #lo ed hand on m+ door, 05here7s +o"r car>8 Miles asks( #lancin# at him as he slams his door sh"t and slin#s his 'ack$ack o er his sho"lder, 0And what7s "$ with +o"r hand>8 0I #ot rid o% it(8 !amen sa+s( #a2e %i1ed on mine, Then #lancin# at Miles and seein# his e1$ression he adds( 0The car( not the hand,8 0!id +o" trade it in>8 I ask( '"t onl+ 'eca"se Miles is listenin#, !amen doesn7t need to '"+( trade( or sell( like normal $eo$le do, Me can )"st mani%est an+thin# at will, Me shakes his head and walks me to the #ate( smilin# as he sa+s( 0.o( I )"st dro$$ed it o%% on the side o% the road( ke+ in the i#nition( en#ine r"nnin#,8 0E1c"se me>8 Miles +el$s, 0Yo" mean to tell me that +o" le%t +o"r shin+( 'lack( BM5 MS :o"$e9'+ the side o% the road>8 !amen nods, 0B"t that7s a h"ndred*tho"sand*dollar car48 Miles #as$s as his %ace t"rns 'ri#ht red, 0A h"ndred and ten,8 !amen la"#hs, 0!on7t %or#et( it was %"ll+ c"stomi2ed and loaded with o$tions,8 Miles stares at him( e+es $racticall+ '"##in# o"t o% his head( "na'le to com$rehend how an+one co"ld do s"ch a thin#9wh+ an+one wo"ld do s"ch a thin#, 0Um( oka+( so let me #et this strai#ht9+o" )"st woke "$ and decided9Me+( what the hell> I think I7ll )"st d"m$ m+ ridic"lo"sl+ e1$ensi e l"1"r+ car '+ the side o% the road95MERE JUST A.Y=.E :A. TAGE IT>8 !amen shr"#s, 0-rett+ m"ch,8 0Beca"se in case +o" ha en7t noticed(8 Miles sa+s( $racticall+ h+$er entilatin# now, 0Some o% "s are a little car de$ri ed, Some o% "s were 'orn to $arents so cr"el and "n"s"al the+7re %orced to rel+ on the kindness o% %riends %or the rest o% their li es48 0Sorr+,8 !amen shr"#s, 0C"ess I hadn7t tho"#ht a'o"t that, Tho"#h i% it makes +o" %eel an+ 'etter( it was all %or a er+ #ood ca"se,8 And when he looks at me( e+es meetin# mine in that wa+ that he has( alon# with the "s"al wa e o% warmth I #et this horri'le %eelin# that ditchin# the car is )"st the start o% his $lans, 0Mow7d +o" #et to school>8 I ask( )"st as we reach the %ront #ate where Ma en is waitin#, 0Me rode the '"s,8 Ma en #lances 'etween "s( her recentl+ d+ed( ro+al 'l"e 'an#s %allin# into her %ace, 0I kid +o" not, I wo"ldn7t ha e 'elie ed it either( '"t I saw it with m+ own e+es, 5atched him clim' ri#ht o%% that 'i# +ellow '"s with all the other %reshmen( dorks( retards( and re)ects who( "nlike !amen( ha e no other choice '"t to ride,8 She shakes her head, 0And I was so shocked '+ the si#ht o% it( I 'linked a '"nch o% times )"st to make s"re it was reall+ him, And then( when I still wasn7t con inced( I sna$$ed a $ic on m+ cell and sent it to Josh who con%irmed it,8 She holds it "$ %or "s to see, I #lance at !amen( wonderin# what he co"ld $ossi'l+ 'e "$ to( and that7s when I notice he7s ditched his "s"al cashmere sweater in $lace o% a $lain cotton tee( and how his desi#ner )eans ha e 'een re$laced with no*name $lain $ockets, E en the 'lack motorc+cle 'oots he7s $racticall+ %amo"s %or ha e 'een swa$$ed %or 'rown r"''er %li$*%lo$s, And e en tho"#h he doesn7t need an+ o% that dash and %lash to look as de astatin#l+ handsome as the %irst da+ we met9this new low*ke+ look )"st isn7t him, =r at least not the him that I7m "sed to, I mean( while !amen is "ndenia'l+ smart( kind( lo in#( and #enero"s9he7s also more than a tad %lam'o+ant and ain, Alwa+s o'sessed with his clothes( his car( his ima#e in #eneral, And don7t e en tr+ and $in him down on his e1act date o% 'irth( 'eca"se %or someone who chose to 'e immortal he has a de%inite com$le1 a'o"t his a#e,

B"t e en tho"#h I normall+ co"ldn7t care less a'o"t the clothes he wears or his ride to school( when I look at him a#ain( I #et this horri'le $in# in m+ #"t 9an insistent $"sh( demandin# m+ notice, A de%inite warnin# that this is merel+ the 'e#innin#, That this s"dden trans%ormation #oes wa+ dee$er than some cost*c"ttin#( altr"istic( en ironmentall+ conscio"s a#enda, .o( this has somethin# to do with last ni#ht, Somethin# a'o"t 'ein# ha"nted '+ his karma, Hike he7s con inced himsel% that #i in# "$ his most $ri2ed $ossessions will somehow 'alance it all o"t, 0Shall we>8 Me smiles( #ras$in# m+ hand the second the 'ell rin#s( leadin# me awa+ %rom Miles and Ma en who7ll s$end the ne1t three $eriods te1tin# 'ack and %orth( tr+in# to determine what7s "$ with !amen, I look at him( his #lo ed hand in mine as we head down the hall( whis$erin#( 05hat7s #oin# on> 5hat reall+ ha$$ened to +o"r car>8 0I alread+ told +o",8 Me shr"#s, 0I don7t need it, It7s an "nnecessar+ ind"l#ence I no lon#er care to9ind"l#e,8 Me la"#hs( lookin# at me, B"t when I %ail to )oin in he shakes his head and sa+s( 0!on7t look so serio"s, It7s not a 'i# deal, 5hen I reali2ed it7s not somethin# I need( I dro e it o"t to a de$ressed area and le%t it '+ the side o% the road where someone can %ind it,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and stare strai#ht ahead( wishin# I co"ld clim' inside his mind and see the tho"#hts he kee$s to himsel%( #et to the 'ottom o% what this is reall+ a'o"t, Beca"se des$ite the wa+ he looks at me( des$ite the dismissi e shr"# that he #i es( nothin# he7s said makes the least 'it o% sense, 05ell( that7s %ine and all( I mean( i% that7s what +o" need to do( then #reat( ha e %"n,8 I shr"#( %"ll+ con inced that it7s not at all #reat( tho"#h knowin# 'etter than to sa+ it o"t lo"d, 0B"t )"st how are +o" $lannin# to #et aro"nd now that +o"7 e ditched +o"r ride> I mean( in case +o" ha en7t noticed( this is :ali%ornia( +o" can7t #et an+where witho"t a car,8 Me looks at me( clearl+ am"sed '+ m+ o"t'"rst( which is not e1actl+ the reaction I7d $lanned, 05hat7s wron# with the '"s> It7s %ree,8 I #a$e( shakin# m+ head( hardl+ 'elie in# m+ ears, And since when do +o" worr+ a'o"t cost( Mr, I Make Millions -la+in# The -onies And J"st Mani%est 5hate er Else I Mi#ht 5ant> Reali2in# )"st a%ter it7s o"t that I %or#ot to shield m+ tho"#hts, 0Is that how +o" see me>8 Me sto$s )"st sh+ o% the classroom door( o' io"sl+ h"rt '+ m+ careless assessment, 0As some shallow( materialistic( narcissistic( cons"mer*dri en slo'>8 0.o48 I cr+( shakin# m+ head and s3"ee2in# his hand, Mo$in# to con ince him e en tho"#h I act"all+ did kind o% mean it, =nl+ not in a 'ad wa+ like he thinks, More in a m+ 'o+%riend a$$reciates the %iner thin#s in li%e kind o% wa+( and less in a m+ 'o+%riend7s the male ersion o% Stacia kind o% wa+, 0I )"st 98 I s3"int( wishin# I co"ld 'e e en hal% as elo3"ent as him( '"t still %or#in# ahead when I sa+( 0I #"ess I )"st don7t #et it,8 I shr"#, 0And what7s "$ with the #lo e>8 I raise his leather*clad hand to where we can see, 0Isn7t it o' io"s>8 Me shakes his head and $"lls me toward the door, B"t I )"st sta+ $"t( re%"sin# to '"d#e, .othin#7s o' io"s, .othin# makes sense an+more, Me $a"ses( hand on the kno'( more than a little h"rt when he sa+s( 0I tho"#ht it was a #ood sol"tion %or now, B"t $erha$s +o"7d $re%er I not to"ch +o" at all>8 .o4 That7s not what I meant4 Switchin# to tele$ath+ the moment some classmates a$$roach( remindin# him how hard it7s 'een a oidin# an+ and all skin*on*skin contact %or the last three da+s, -retendin# I had a cold when we 'oth know we don7t #et sick( and other ridic"lo"s a oidance techni3"es that le%t me %eelin# dee$l+ ashamed, It7s 'een tort"re( $"re and sim$le, To ha e a 'o+%riend so #or#eo"s( so se1+( so ama2in#l+ awesome9and to not 'e a'le to to"ch him9is the worst kind o% a#on+, 0I mean( I know we can7t risk an+ accidental $alm sweat e1chan#e or an+thin# like that( '"t still( don7t +o" think it looks kind o%9odd>8 I whis$er( the second we7re alone a#ain, 0I don7t care a'o"t that,8 Mis #a2e o$en( sincere( and %i1ed ri#ht on mine, 0I don7t care what other $eo$le think, I onl+ care a'o"t +o",8 Me s3"ee2es m+ %in#ers and o$ens the door with his mind( leadin# me ri#ht $ast Stacia Miller as we head %or o"r desks, And e en tho"#h I ha en7t seen her since ?rida+ when she woke %rom Roman7s s$ell( I7m s"re her hatred %or me hasn7t dam$ened a 'it, B"t while I7m %"ll+ 'raced %or her "s"al $lo+ o% dro$$in# her 'a# in m+ $ath in an attem$t to tri$ me9toda+ she7s too distracted '+ !amen7s new look to $la+ that tired old #ame, Mer "nh"rried #a2e tra elin# the len#th o% him( %rom his head to his toes( 'e%ore startin# all o er a#ain, B"t )"st 'eca"se she i#nores me doesn7t mean I can rela1 or tr"st that it7s o er, Beca"se the tr"th is( it7s ne er o er with Stacia, She7s made that a'"ndantl+ clear, I% an+thin# she7s $ro'a'l+ more char#ed "$ and icio"s than e er9makin# this little re$rie e nothin# more than the calm 'e%ore the storm, 0I#nore her(8 !amen whis$ers( scootin# his desk so close the ed#es $racticall+ o erla$, And e en tho"#h I nod as tho"#h I am( the tr"th is9I can7t, As m"ch as I7d lo e to $retend she7s in isi'le9I can7t do it, She7s in %ront o% me now and I7m com$letel+ o'sessed, -eerin# into her tho"#hts( wantin# to see what( i% an+thin#( ha$$ened 'etween them, Beca"se e en tho"#h I know Roman7s res$onsi'le %or all o% the %lirtin#( and kissin#( and c"ddlin#( I had no choice '"t to watch, E en tho"#h I know %or a %act that !amen was com$letel+ de$ri ed o% %ree will9that doesn7t chan#e the %act that it ha$$ened9that !amen7s li$s $ressed a#ainst hers while his hands roamed her skin, And e en tho"#h I7m $rett+ s"re it didn7t #o an+ %"rther than that( I7d still %eel a heck o% a lot 'etter i% I co"ld )"st #et some e idence to 'ack "$ m+ theor+, And des$ite how cra2+( h"rt%"l( and com$letel+ masochistic it is9I won7t sto$ "ntil her memor+ #i es( and e er+ last horri'le( $ain%"l( e1cr"ciatin# detail is %inall+ re ealed, I7m )"st a'o"t to del e dee$er( tra el to the er+ core o% her 'rain( when !amen s3"ee2es m+ hand and sa+s( 0E er( $lease, Sto$ tort"rin# +o"rsel%, I7 e alread+ told +o"( there7s nothin# to see,8 I swallow hard( #a2e %i1ed on the 'ack o% her head( watchin# her #ossi$ with Monor and :rai#( 'arel+ listenin# as he adds( 0It didn7t ha$$en, It7s not what +o" think,8 0I tho"#ht +o" co"ldn7t remem'er>8 I t"rn( o ercome with shame the instant I see the $ain in his e+es as he looks at me and shakes his head, 0J"st tr"st me,8 Me si#hs, 0=r at least tr+ to, -lease>8 I inhale dee$l+( #a2in# at him( wishin# I co"ld( knowin# I sho"ld, 0Serio"sl+( E er, ?irst +o" co"ldn7t #et o er the $ast si1 h"ndred +ears o% m+ datin#( and now +o"7re o'sessed with last week>8 Me knits his 'row and leans closer( oice "r#ent( coa1in#( as he adds( 0I know that +o"r %eelin#s are "n'elie a'l+ h"rt, Reall+( I do, B"t what7s done is done, I can7t #o 'ack( I can7t chan#e it, Roman7s done this on $"r$ose9+o" can7t let him win,8 I swallow hard( knowin# he7s ri#ht, I7m actin# ridic"lo"s( irrational( allowin# m+sel% to eer wa+ o%% track, Besides( !amen thinks( switchin# to tele$ath+ now that o"r teacher( Mr, Ro'ins( has arri ed, Yo" know it7s meanin#less, The onl+ one I7 e e er lo ed is +o", Isn7t that eno"#h> Me 'rin#s his #lo ed th"m' to m+ tem$le( #a2in# into m+ e+es as he shows me o"r histor+( m+ man+ incarnations as a +o"n# ser ant #irl in ?rance( a -"ritan7s da"#hter in .ew En#land( a %lirtatio"s British socialite( an artist7s m"se with #or#eo"s red hair9 I #a$e( e+es wide( ne er ha in# seen that $artic"lar li%e 'e%ore, B"t he )"st smiles( #a2e #rowin# warmer as he shows me the hi#hli#hts o% that time( a 3"ick cli$ o% the moment we met9at a #aller+ o$enin# in Amsterdam9o"r %irst kiss )"st o"tside o% the #aller+ that er+ same ni#ht, -resentin# onl+ the most romantic moments and s$arin# m+ death( which alwa+s( ine ita'l+( comes 'e%ore we can $ro#ress, And a%ter watchin# all o% those 'ea"ti%"l moments "n%old( his "na'ashed lo e %or me laid 'are to see( I #a2e into his e+es( answerin# his 3"estion when I think: =% co"rse it7s eno"#h, Yo"7 e alwa+s 'een eno"#h, Then closin# them in shame when I add: B"t am I eno"#h %or +o">

?inall+ admittin# the real tr"th9m+ %ear that he7ll soon tire o% the #lo ed hand*holdin#( the tele$athic em'race( and seek o"t the real thin# in a normal #irl with sa%e !.A, Me nods( #lo ed %in#ers c"$$in# m+ chin as he #athers me into a mental em'race so warm( so sa%e( so com%ortin#( all o% m+ %ears sli$ awa+, Answerin# the a$olo#+ in m+ #a2e as he leans %orward( li$s at m+ ear as he sa+s( 0Cood, .ow that that7s settled( a'o"t Roman , , ,8

%o"r

As I make m+ wa+ toward histor+ class I7m wonderin# which will 'e worse9seein# Roman or Mr, M"no2> Beca"se while I ha en7t seen or s$oken to either o% them since last ?rida+ when m+ whole world %ell a$art9there7s no do"'t I le%t them 'oth on a $rett+ stran#e note, M+ last contact with M"no2 consistin# o% me #oin# all sentimental and not onl+ con%idin# m+ $s+chic $owers9which is somethin# I ne er do9'"t also enco"ra#in# him to date m+ a"nt Sa'ine9which is somethin# I7m serio"sl+ 'e#innin# to re#ret, And as aw%"l as that was( it7s onl+ ri aled '+ m+ last moments with Roman when I aimed m+ %ist at his na el chakra( determined not )"st to kill him '"t to o'literate him com$letel+, And I wo"ld ha e too9e1ce$t %or the %act that I totall+ choked and he #ot awa+, And e en tho"#h in retros$ect that $ro'a'l+ worked o"t %or the 'est( I7m still so an#r+ with him( who7s to sa+ I won7t tr+ a#ain> B"t the tr"th is( I know I won7t tr+ a#ain, And not )"st 'eca"se !amen s$ent the whole o% En#lish class tele$athicall+ lect"rin# me on how re en#e is ne er the answer( how karma is the one and onl+ tr"e )"stice s+stem( and $lent+ more 'lah 'lah 'lah like that9'"t mostl+ 'eca"se it7s not ri#ht, !es$ite the %act that Roman tricked me in the er+ worst wa+( lea in# me a'sol"tel+ no reason to e er tr"st him a#ain9I still don7t ha e the ri#ht to kill him, It won7t sol e m+ $ro'lem, 5on7t chan#e a thin#, E en tho"#h he7s aw%"l( e il( and e er+thin# that adds "$ to 'ad( I still don7t ha e the ri#ht to9 05ell there7s m+ cheek+ monke+48 Me slithers "$ 'eside me( all 'lond to"sled hair( ocean 'l"e e+es( and shin+ white teeth( leis"rel+ stretchin# his stron#( tanned arm across the classroom door( 'arrin# me %rom #ettin# inside, And that7s all it takes, The #ratin# $"rr o% his contri ed British accent and the com$lete cree$iness o% his leerin# #a2e( and )"st like that I7m tem$ted to kill him a#ain, B"t I won7t, I $romised !amen I co"ld #et m+sel% sa%el+ to and %rom class witho"t resortin# to that, 0So tell me( E er( how was +o"r weekend> !id +o" and !amen en)o+ a nice re"nion> 5as he a'le to9s"r i e +o"9'+ chance>8 I clench m+ %ists '+ m+ sides( ima#inin# how he7d look as nothin# more than a hea$ o% desi#ner clothes and a $ile o% d"st( des$ite the ow o% non iolence I took, 0Beca"se i% not( i% +o" %ailed to heed m+ ad ice and took that old dinosa"r o"t %or a ride( then I s"$$ose m+ dee$est condolences are in order,8 Me nods( #a2e %i1ed on mine( lowerin# his oice as he adds( 0.ot to worr+ tho"#h( +o" won7t 'e alone %or lon#, =nce the $ro$er mo"rnin# $eriod ends( I7ll 'e ha$$+ to ste$ in and %ill "$ the oid his e1tinction has le%t,8 I %oc"s on m+ 'reath( kee$in# it slow and stead+ as I take in the stron#( tan( m"sc"lar arm 'lockin# m+ $ath( knowin# all it wo"ld take is one well* $laced karate cho$ to 'reak it in hal%, 0Mell( e en i% +o" did mana#e to hold 'ack and kee$ him ali e( all +o" ha e to do is sa+ the word( and I7m ri#ht '+ +o"r side,8 Me #rins( e+es #ra2in# o er me in the most intimate wa+, 0B"t no need to answer too 3"ickl+ or commit +o"rsel% +et, Take as lon# as +o" like, Beca"se( E er( I ass"re +o"( "nlike !amen( I7m a man who can wait, Besides( it7s )"st a matter o% time 'e%ore +o" come lookin# %or me an+wa+,8 0There7s onl+ one thin# I want %rom +o",8 I narrow m+ #a2e "ntil e er+thin# s"rro"ndin# "s 'l"rs, 0And that7s %or +o" to lea e me alone,8 Meat risin# to m+ cheeks as his #a2e dee$ens to a leer, 07?raid not( darlin7,8 Me la"#hs( lookin# me o er and shakin# his head, 0Tr"st me( +o" want wa+ more than that, B"t not to worr+( it7s like I said( I7ll wait %or as lon# as it takes, It7s !amen I7m worried a'o"t, And +o" sho"ld worr+ too, ?rom what I saw those last si1 h"ndred +ears( he7s an im$atient man, Bit o% a hedonist reall+, !idn7t wait %or m"ch o% an+thin# so %ar as I co"ld tell,8 I swallow hard and stri e to kee$ calm( remindin# m+sel% not to %all %or his 'ait, Roman has a knack %or locatin# m+ weakness( m+ $s+cholo#ical kr+$tonite so to s$eak( and $rett+ m"ch li es to e1$loit it, 0!on7t #et me wron#( he7s alwa+s 'een one to kee$ "$ a$$earances9wearin# the 'lack arm'and( a$$earin# inconsola'le at the wake9'"t tr"st me( E er( the moss hadn7t time to adhere to his shoe 'e%ore he was 'ack on the $rowl, Hookin# to drown his sorrows in whate er or9sho"ld I sa+ whome er9he co"ld, And e en tho"#h +o" $re%er not to 'elie e it( take it %rom someone who7s 'een there all alon#, !amen waits %or no one, And he certainl+ ne er waited %or +o",8 I take a dee$ 'reath( %illin# m+ head with words( m"sic( mathematical e3"ations stretchin# %ar 'e+ond m+ a'ilities( an+thin# to drown o"t the words that are like care%"ll+ honed arrows aimed strai#ht %or m+ heart, 0Ye$, Sawr it wit me own e+es( I did48 Smilin# as he sli$s into a thick cockne+ 'ro#"e and 'ack o"t a#ain, 0!rina saw it too, Broke her $oor heart, Tho"#h( "nlike me9and( I7m a%raid( 3"ite "nlike +o"9!rina7s lo e was "nconditional, 5illin# to take him 'ack no matter where he7d 'een( no 3"estions asked, 5hich( let7s %ace it( is somethin# +o"7d ne er do,8 0That7s not tr"e48 I cr+( oice hoarse( dr+( as tho"#h it7s the %irst time I7 e "sed it all da+, 0I7 e had !amen since the moment we met9I98 I sto$( knowin# I sho"ldn7t ha e started, It7s "seless to en#a#e in this %i#ht, 0Sorr+( darlin7( '"t +o"7re wron#, Yo"7 e ne er had !amen at all, A chaste kiss here( a 'it o% sweat+ hand*holdin# there98 Me shr"#s( #a2e mockin#, 0Serio"sl+( E er( +o" think some $athetic attem$ts at second 'ase can act"all+ satis%+ a #reed+( narcissistic( sel%*ind"l#ent 'loke like him> ?or %o"r h"ndred +ears no less>8 I swallow hard( %orcin# a calm I don7t own when I sa+( 0That7s a lot %"rther than +o" e er #ot with !rina,8 0.o thanks to +o"(8 he s$its( harsh #a2e on mine, 0B"t( it7s like I said( I7m a man who can wait, !amen is not,8 Me shakes his head, 0Shame +o"7re so determined to $la+ hard to #et, Yo" and I are a lot more alike than +o" think, Both o% "s $inin# a%ter someone we7ll ne er tr"l+ ha e98 0I co"ld kill +o" ri#ht now(8 I whis$er( oice shak+( hands trem'lin#( e en tho"#h I $romised !amen I wo"ldn7t do this( e en tho"#h I know 'etter, 0I co"ld 98 I s"ck in m+ 'reath( not wantin# him to know what onl+ !amen and I know( that tar#ettin# an immortal7s weakest chakra( one o% the 'od+7s se en ener#+ centers( is the 3"ickest wa+ to o'literate them, 0Yo" co"ld what>8 Me smiles( %ace loomin# so close his 'reath chills m+ cheek, 0Sl"# me in m+ sacral center( $erha$s>8 I #a$e( wonderin# where he co"ld7 e $ossi'l+ learned that, B"t he )"st la"#hs( shakin# his head as he sa+s( 0!on7t %or#et( l" ( !amen was "nder m+ s$ell( which means he told me e er+thin#( answered e er+ 3"estion I asked9incl"din# a #ood 'it a'o"t +o",8 I stand there( re%"sin# to react( determined to a$$ear com$osed( "nr"%%led9'"t it7s too late, Me #ot me, Ri#ht where it co"nts, And don7t think he doesn7t know it, 0.o worries( l" , I7 e no $lans to #o a%ter +o", E en tho"#h +o"r #larin# lack o% discernment and tra#ic mis"se o% knowled#e tells me that a 3"ick )a' to the throat chakra is all it wo"ld take to destro+ +o" %or #ood98 Me smiles( ton#"e snakin# aro"nd his li$s, 0I7m ha in# %ar too m"ch %"n watchin# +o" s3"irm to attem$t somethin# like that, Besides( it won7t 'e lon# 7til +o"7re s3"irmin# 'eneath me, =r e en on to$ o% me, Either will do,8 Me la"#hs( 'l"e e+es on mine( #a2in# at me in a wa+ so knowin#( so intimate( so dee$( m+ stomach can7t hel$ '"t hea e, 0I7ll lea e the details to +o", B"t no matter how m"ch +o" ma+ want to( +o" won7t #o a%ter me either, Mostl+ 'eca"se I do ha e what +o" want, The antidote to the antidote, I ass"re +o" o% that, Yo"7re )"st #onna ha e to %ind a wa+ to earn it, Yo"7re )"st #onna ha e to $a+ the ri#ht $rice,8 I #a$e( dr+ mo"thed and slack )awed( remem'erin# last ?rida+ when he claimed the er+ same thin#, So distracted '+ !amen awakenin# I %or#ot all

a'o"t it 7til now, I $ress m+ li$s to#ether as m+ #a2e meets his( m+ ho$e risin# %or the %irst time in da+s( knowin# it7s )"st a matter o% time "ntil the antidote is mine, I )"st need to %ind a wa+ to #et it %rom him, 0=h( look at that,8 Me smirks, 0Seems +o" %or#ot all a'o"t o"r date with destin+,8 Me li%ts his arm and I start to $low thro"#h( then he lowers it )"st as 3"ickl+( la"#hin# as he locks me in $lace, 0!ee$ 'reaths(8 he coos( li$s #ra2in# the ed#e o% m+ ear( %in#ers slidin# o er m+ sho"lder( lea in# an ic+ cold wake in their $ath, 0.o need to $anic, .o need to #et all s$a22ed o"t a#ain, I7m s"re that 'etween "s( we can come to some sort o% m"t"al a#reement( %ind a wa+ to work somethin# o"t,8 I narrow m+ #a2e( dis#"sted '+ the $rice that he7s set( words slow and deli'erate when I sa+( 0.othin# +o" co"ld e er sa+ or do co"ld con ince me to slee$ with +o"48 )"st as Mr, M"no2 o$ens the door( allowin# the entire class to o erhear, 05hoa98 Roman smiles( hands raised in mock s"rrender as he 'acks into the room, 05ho said an+thin# a'o"t '"m$in7 "#lies( mate>8 Me throws his head 'ack and la"#hs( allowin# his cree$+ ="ro'oros tattoo to %lash in and o"t o% iew, 0I mean( not to disa$$oint +o"( darlin7( '"t i% it7s a #ood sha# I7m a%ter( a ir#in7s a'o"t the last $lace I7d look48 I storm toward m+ desk( cheeks '"rnin#( #a2e %i1ed on the %loor( s$endin# the ne1t %ort+ min"tes crin#in# as m+ classmates '"rst into h+sterics e er+ time Roman directs a dis#"stin# wet smooch+ so"nd m+ wa+( des$ite M"no27s n"mero"s attem$ts to 3"iet them down, And the moment the 'ell rin#s( I make a r"n %or the door, !es$erate to #et to !amen 'e%ore Roman can( con inced Roman will $"sh him too %ar and he7ll sna$9an act neither o% "s can a%%ord now that Roman holds the ke+, B"t )"st as I t"rn the kno' I hear( 0E er> Cot a min"te>8 I $a"se( classmates $ilin# "$ 'ehind me( ea#er to #et to the hall where the+ can %ollow Roman7s lead and ta"nt me some more, Mis mockin# la"#hter trailin# 'ehind as I t"rn toward M"no2 to see what he wants, 0I did it,8 Me smiles( $ost"re sti%%( oice an1io"s( '"t still ea#er %or me to know, I shi%t "ncom%orta'l+( mo in# m+ 'a# %rom one sho"lder to the ne1t( wishin# I7d taken the time to learn remote iewin# so I co"ld kee$ an e+e on the l"nch ta'les and ens"re !amen sticks to the $lan, 0I a$$roached her, J"st like +o" told me to,8 Me nods, I s3"int( ret"rnin# m+ %oc"s to him( #"t ch"rnin# as I 'e#in to "nderstand, 0The woman %rom Star'"cks> Sa'ine> I saw her this mornin#, 5e e en talked %or a while( and98 Me shr"#s( #a2e dri%tin# awa+( o' io"sl+ still er+ taken '+ the e ent, I stand 'e%ore him( 'reathless( knowin# I ha e to sto$ it( whate er it takes( 'e%ore it #ets o"t o% hand, 0And +o" were ri#ht, She is reall+ nice, In %act( I $ro'a'l+ sho"ldn7t tell +o" '"t we7re ha in# dinner this ?rida+ ni#ht,8 I nod( n"m'( shell*shocked( the words #lancin# o er me as I $eer into his ener#+ and watch it "n%old in his head: Sa'ine standin# in line( mindin# her own '"siness "ntil M"no2 a$$roaches9ca"sin# her to t"rn and #rant him a smile that7s9that7s9shame%"ll+ %lirtatio"s4 E1ce$t that there7s no shame at all, At least not on Sa'ine7s $art, .or M"no2 %or that matter, .o( the shame is all mine, Those two co"ldn7t 'e ha$$ier, This cannot ha$$en, ?or too man+ reasons to mention this dinner can ne er take $lace, =ne o% them 'ein# that Sa'ine is not )"st m+ a"nt( '"t m+ #"ardian( m+ caretaker( m+ onl+ li in# relati e in the whole entire world4 And another( $ossi'l+ e en more "r#ent reason( is the %act that( thanks to m+ $athetic( ma"dlin( o erl+ sentimental( ill*ad ised moment o% weakness last ?rida+( M"no2 knows I7m $s+chic while Sa'ine does not4 I7 e #one to #reat len#ths to kee$ m+ secret %rom her( and there7s no wa+ I7m #oin# to 'e o"ted '+ m+ lo e*str"ck histor+ teacher, B"t )"st as I7m a'o"t to tell him that he a'sol"tel+ cannot( "nder an+ circ"mstances whatsoe er( take m+ a"nt to dinner andFor di "l#e an+ in%ormation I mi#ht7 e accidentall+ con%essed d"rin# a weak moment when I was s"re I7d ne er see him a#ain( he clears his throat and sa+s( 0An+wa+( +o" sho"ld #et to l"nch 'e%ore it7s too late, I didn7t mean to kee$ +o" this lon#( I )"st tho"#ht98 0=h( no( it7s oka+(8 I sa+, 0I )"st98 B"t he doesn7t let me %inish, -racticall+ $"shes me o"t the door as he wa es me awa+( sa+in#( 0Co on now, Co %ind +o"r %riends, I )"st tho"#ht I sho"ld thank +o"( that7s all,8

%i e

5hen I #et to the l"nch ta'le I sit 'eside !amen( relie ed to %ind e er+thin# as normal as an+ other da+, !amen7s #lo ed hand s3"ee2in# m+ knee as I 3"ickl+ scan the cam$"s( lookin# %or Roman as he thinks: Me7s #one, Cone> I #a$e( ho$in# he means #one as in not aro"nd( as o$$osed to #one as in $ile o% d"st, B"t !amen )"st la"#hs( the smooth melodic so"nd re er'eratin# %rom his head to mine, .ot annihilated, I ass"re +o", J"st9a'sent9that7s all, !ro e o%% a %ew min"tes a#o with some #"+ I7 e ne er seen 'e%ore, !id +o" talk> !id he tr+ to $ro oke +o"> !amen shakes his head( his e+es $eerin# into mine as I add: Cood, Beca"se we can7t a%%ord to #o a%ter him 9no matter what4 Me has the antidote4 Me admitted it4 5hich means all we ha e to do now is %ind a wa+ to9 E er, Me %rowns, Yo" can7t $ossi'l+ 'elie e him4 This is what Roman does, Me lies and mani$"lates e er+one aro"nd him, Yo" ha e to sta+ awa+ %rom him9he7s "sin# +o"9he can7t 'e tr"sted9 I shake m+ head, This time is di%%erent, I can %eel it, And I need %or !amen to %eel it too, Me7s not l+in#9serio"sl+9he said9 .ot e en %inishin# the tho"#ht 'e%ore Ma en leans %orward( e+es dartin# 'etween "s as she sa+s( 0=ka+( that7s it, J"st what the heck is #oin# on here> Serio"sl+( eno"#h alread+,8 I t"rn( noticin# how her %riendl+ +ellow a"ra 'eams in s"ch s"dden shar$ contrast to the deli'erate harshness o% her all*'lack ensem'le, Gnowin# she means no ill will tho"#h she7s de%initel+ dist"r'ed '+ "s, 0Serio"sl+, It7s like9it7s like +o" #"+s ha e some kind o% cree$+ wa+ o% comm"nicatin#, Hike twin s$eak or somethin#, =nl+ +o"rs is silent, And more eerie,8 I shr"# and o$en m+ l"nch $ack( #oin# thro"#h the motions o% "nwra$$in# a sandwich I7 e no $lans to eat( determined to hide )"st how alarmed her 3"estion has made me, Gnockin# m+ knee a#ainst !amen7s( tele$athicall+ "r#in# him to ste$ in and handle this since I7 e no idea what to sa+, 0!on7t $retend it7s not ha$$enin#,8 Mer e+es narrow in s"s$icion, 0I7 e 'een watchin# +o" #"+s %or a while now( and it7s reall+ startin# to cree$ me o"t,8 05hat7s cree$in# +o" o"t>8 Miles #a2es "$ %rom his $hone( '"t onl+ %or a moment 'e%ore he7s 'ack to te1tin# a#ain, 0Those two,8 She $oints a short( 'lack $ainted nail with a ch"nk o% $ink %rostin# st"ck to its ti$, 0I swear( the+ #et stran#er e er+ da+,8 Miles nods( settin# down his $hone as he takes a moment to look "s o er, 0Yeah( I7 e 'een meanin# to mention that, Yo" #"+s are weird,8 Me la"#hs, 0=h( and the whole Michael Jackson( one #lo e thin#>8 Me shakes his head and $"rses his li$s, 0So not workin# %or +o", That look is so $la+ed e en +o" can7t 'rin# it 'ack,8 Ma en %rowns( anno+ed '+ Miles7s )oke when she7s tr+in# to 'e serio"s, 0Ha"#h all +o" want(8 she sa+s( #a2e stead+( "nwa erin#, 0B"t somethin#7s "$ with those two, I ma+ not know what( '"t I7ll %i#"re it o"t, I7ll #et to the 'ottom o% it, Yo"7ll see,8 And I7m )"st a'o"t to s$eak when !amen shakes his head and swirls his red drink( leanin# toward Ma en as he sa+s( 0!on7t waste +o"r time, It7s not as sinister as +o" think,8 Me smiles( #a2e %i1ed on hers, 05e7re $racticin# tele$ath+( that7s all, Attem$tin# to read each other7s minds in $lace o% talkin# all the time, So we sto$ #ettin# in tro"'le in class,8 Me la"#hs( ca"sin# me to s3"ee2e m+ sandwich so hard the ma+onnaise s3"irts o"t the sides, Ca$in# at m+ 'o+%riend who7s )"st ar'itraril+ decided to 'reak o"r n"m'er one r"le9!on7t tell an+one who we are or what we can do4 :almin# onl+ sli#htl+ when Ma en rolls her e+es and sa+s( 0-lease, I7m not an idiot,8 05asn7t im$l+in# +o" were,8 !amen smiles, 0It7s 3"ite real( I ass"re +o", 5o"ld +o" like to tr+>8 I %ree2e( 'od+ solid( "nmo in#( as tho"#h witnessin# a disaster on the side o% the road9onl+ this $artic"lar disaster is me, 0:lose +o"r e+es and think o% a n"m'er 'etween one and ten,8 Me nods( solemn #a2e meetin# hers, 0?oc"s on that n"m'er with all o% +o"r mi#ht, See it in +o"r mind as clearl+ as +o" can( and silentl+ re$eat the so"nd o% it o er and o er a#ain, Cot it>8 She shr"#s( 'rows mer#in# as tho"#h in dee$ concentration, Tho"#h all it takes is a 3"ick #lance at her a"ra( mor$hin# into a dark deceit%"l #reen( and a 'rie% $eek at her tho"#hts to see she7s onl+ $retendin#, :hoosin# to concentrate on the color 'l"e instead o% a random n"m'er like !amen said, I #lance 'etween them( knowin# she7s 'aitin# him( s"re that his one in ten chance o% hittin# the ri#ht n"m'er works too m"ch in his %a or, Moldin# her #ro"nd as he r"'s his chin and shakes his head( sa+in#( 0I don7t seem to 'e #ettin# an+thin#, Are +o" s"re +o"7re thinkin# o% a n"m'er 'etween one and ten>8 She nods( dee$enin# her %oc"s on a 'ea"ti%"l shade o% $"lsatin# 'l"e, 0Then we m"st ha e o"r wires crossed,8 Me shr"#s, 0I7m not #ettin# a n"m'er at all,8 0Tr+ me48 Miles a'andons his $hone and leans toward !amen, E+es 'arel+ closed( tho"#hts hardl+ %oc"sed 'e%ore !amen #as$s( 0Yo"7re #oin# to ?lorence>8 Miles shakes his head, 0Three, ?or +o"r in%ormation( the n"m'er was three,8 Me rolls his e+es and smirks, 0And '+ the wa+( e er+one knows I7m #oin# to ?lorence, So9nice tr+,8 0E er+one '"t me(8 !amen sa+s( )aws clenched( %ace #one s"ddenl+ $ale, 05ell( I7m s"re E er told +o", Yo" know( tele$athicall+,8 Me la"#hs( ret"rnin# to his $hone a#ain, I $eer at !amen( wonderin# wh+ he7s so "$set o er Miles7s tri$, I mean( +eah( so he "sed to li e there( '"t that was h"ndreds o% +ears a#o4 I s3"ee2e his hand( "r#in# him to look at me( '"t he )"st stares at Miles with that same stricken look on his %ace, 0.ice tr+ with the whole tele$ath+ an#le(8 Ma en sa+s( swi$in# her %in#er across the to$ o% her c"$cake "ntil it7s coated with straw'err+ %rostin#, 0B"t I7m a%raid +o"7re #onna ha e to tr+ a little harder than that, All +o"7 e mana#ed to $ro e is that +o" #"+s are e en weirder than I tho"#ht, B"t no worries( I7ll #et to the 'ottom o% it, I7ll e1$ose +o"r dirt+ little secret 'e%ore lon#,8 I hold 'ack a ner o"s la"#h( ho$in# she7s )"st messin# aro"nd( then $eerin# into her mind onl+ to see that she7s serio"s, 05hen are +o" lea in#>8 !amen asks( '"t onl+ to a$$ear con ersational( ha in# alread+ "nco ered the answer in Miles7s head, 0Soon( '"t not soon eno"#h(8 Miles sa+s( e+es li#htin# "$, 0Het the co"ntdown 'e#in48 !amen nods( #a2e so%tenin# as he sa+s( 0Yo"7ll lo e it, E er+one lo es it, ?iren2e is a 'ea"ti%"l( charmin# $lace,8 0Yo"7 e 'een>8 Miles and Ma en 'oth ask at the same time, !amen nods( #a2e %ar awa+, 0I li ed there once9a lon# time a#o,8 Ma en #lances 'etween "s( e+es narrowed a#ain when she sa+s( 0!rina and Roman li ed there too,8 !amen shr"#s( e1$ression noncommittal( as tho"#h the connection means nothin# to him, 05ell( don7t +o" think that7s a little stran#e> All o% +o" li in# in Ital+( in the same $lace( then all o% +o" endin# "$ here9within months o% each other>8 She leans toward him( a'andonin# her c"$cake in search o% some answers, B"t !amen7s solid( re%"sin# to ca e or do an+thin# that mi#ht #i e it awa+, Me )"st si$s his red drink and li%ts his sho"lders a#ain( as tho"#h it7s hardl+ worth #oin# into, 0Is there an+thin# I sho"ld see while I7m there>8 Miles asks( more to 'reak the tension than an+thin# else, 0An+thin# that sho"ldn7t 'e missed>8 !amen s3"ints( $retendin# to think( e en tho"#h the answer comes 3"ickl+, 0All o% ?lorence is worth seein#, B"t +o" sho"ld de%initel+ check o"t the -onte Becchio( which is the %irst 'rid#e to cross the Arno Ri er and the onl+ one le%t standin# a%ter the war, =h( and +o" m"st isit the Calleria

dell7Accademia which ho"ses Michelan#elo7s !a id amon# other im$ortant works( and $erha$s the98 0!e%initel+ hittin# !a id(8 Miles sa+s, 0As well as the 'rid#e( and the %amo"s Il !"omo( and all the other items that make e er+ #"ide'ook to$ ten list( '"t I7m more interested in the smaller( o%%*the*'eaten*$ath kind o% $laces9+o" know( where all the cool ?lorentines #o, Roman was ra in# a'o"t this one $lace( I %or#et the name( '"t it7s s"$$osed to ho"se some o'sc"re Renaissance arti%acts and $aintin#s and st"%% %ew $eo$le know a'o"t, Yo" #ot an+thin# like that> =r e en cl"'s( sho$$in#( that kind o% thin#>8 !amen looks at him( #a2e so intense it sends a chill down m+ s$ine, 0.othin# o%%hand(8 he sa+s( tr+in# to so%ten the look tho"#h his oice 'etra+s a de%inite ed#e, 0Tho"#h an+ $lace that claims to ho"se #reat art '"t isn7t in the #"ide'ook is $ro'a'l+ a %ake, The anti3"ities market is loaded with %or#eries, Yo" sho"ldn7t waste +o"r time on that when there are so man+ other( %ar more interestin# thin#s to see,8 Miles shr"#s( 'ored '+ the con ersation and alread+ 'ack to te1tin# a#ain, 05hate er(8 he m"m'les( th"m's ta$$in# 3"ickl+, 0.o worries, Roman said he7d make me a list,8

si1

0I7m ama2ed '+ the $ro#ress +o"7 e made,8 !amen smiles, 0Yo" learned all this on +o"r own>8 I nod( #a2in# aro"nd the lar#e( em$t+ room( $leased with m+sel% %or the %irst time in weeks, The moment !amen mentioned he wanted to rid the $lace o% all the o erl+ slick %"rnit"re he7d %illed it with d"rin# Roman7s rei#n o% terror( I was on it, J"m$in# at the chance to clear o"t the row o% 'lack leather recliners and %lat*screen TBs( the red %elt $ool ta'le and chrome*co ered 'ar9all o% them s+m'ols( $h+sical mani%estations( o% the 'leakest $hase in o"r relationshi$ so %ar, Takin# aim at each $iece with s"ch "nchecked enth"siasm that9well9 I7m not e en s"re where it went, All I know is it7s no lon#er here, 0Hooks like +o"7re no lon#er in need o% m+ lessons,8 Me shakes his head, 0!on7t 'e so s"re,8 I t"rn( smilin# as I $"sh his dark wa + hair o%% his %ace with m+ newl+ #lo ed hand( ho$in# we7ll #et that c"re %rom Roman soon( or at least come "$ with a less hoke+ alternati e, 0I ha e no idea where that st"%% e en went9not to mention how I can7t $ossi'l+ %ill "$ this s$ace when I ha e no cl"e where +o" stashed all the st"%% +o" "sed to ha e,8 Reachin# %or his hand a second too late( and %rownin# as he walks o er to the window, 0The %"rnit"re89he #a2es o"t at his manic"red lawn( oice low and dee$90is ri#ht 'ack where it started, Ret"rned to its ori#inal state o% $"re i'ratin# ener#+ with the $otential to 'ecome an+thin# at all, And as %or the rest98 Me shr"#s( the stron# lines o% his sho"lders risin# e er so sli#htl+ 'e%ore settlin# a#ain, 05ell( it hardl+ matters an+more( does it> I7 e no need o% it now,8 I stare at his 'ack( takin# in his lean %orm( his cas"al stance, 5onderin# how he co"ld 'e so "ninterested in reclaimin# the $recio"s arti%acts o% his $ast9the -icasso o% him in the se ere 'l"e s"it( the BelU23"e2 astride a rearin# white stallion9not to mention all the other ama2in# relics datin# 'ack cent"ries, 0B"t those o')ects are $riceless4 Yo" ha e to #et them 'ack, The+ can ne er 'e re$laced48 0E er( rela1, It7s )"st st"%%,8 Mis oice %irm( resi#ned( as he t"rns toward me a#ain, 0.one o% it has an+ real meanin#, The onl+ thin# that means an+thin# is +o",8 And e en tho"#h the sentiment is "ndenia'l+ sweet and heart%elt( it doesn7t a%%ect me in the wa+ that it sho"ld, The onl+ thin#s he seems to care a'o"t these da+s is atonin# %or his karma and me, And while I7m $er%ectl+ %ine with those occ"$+in# the n"m'er one and two s$ots on his list( the $ro'lem is9 the rest o% the $a#e is 'lank, 0B"t that7s where +o"7re wron#, It7s not )"st st"%%,8 I mo e toward him( oice "r#in#( coa1in#( ho$in# to reach him and make him listen this time, 0Si#ned 'ooks '+ Shakes$eare and the Bront/ sisters( chandeliers %rom Marie Antoinette and Ho"is the Si1teenth9that7s hardl+ what +o"7d call st"%%, It7s histor+ %or Cod7s sake4 Yo" can7t )"st shr"# it o%% as tho"#h it7s nothin# more than a 'o1 o% tired old o')ects +o" donate to Coodwill,8 Me looks at me( #a2e so%tenin# as he trails the ti$ o% his #lo ed %in#er %rom m+ tem$le to m+ chin, 0I tho"#ht +o" hated m+ 6d"st+ old room7 as +o" once called it,8 0-eo$le chan#e,8 I shr"#, 5ishin#( not %or the %irst time( that he7d chan#e 'ack to the !amen I knew, 0And s$eakin# o% chan#e( wh+ are +o" so %reaked '+ Miles7s tri$ to ?lorence>8 .otin# the wa+ he sti%%ens at the mere mention o% the word, 0Is it 'eca"se o% the whole !rina and Roman thin#> The connection +o" don7t want him to know a'o"t>8 Me looks at me %or a moment( li$s $artin#( a'o"t to s$eak( then he t"rns awa+ and m"m'les( 0I7m hardl+ what +o"7d call %reaked,8 0Yo" know what> Yo"7re a'sol"tel+ ri#ht, ?or a normal $erson( that was hardl+ what +o"7d call %reaked, B"t %or the #"+ who7s alwa+s the coolest( calmest one in the room9all it takes is the sli#ht narrowin# o% +o"r e+es and the most min"te clenchin# o% +o"r )aw to know +o"7re "$set,8 Me si#hs( e+es searchin# mine as he mo es toward me a#ain, 0Yo" saw what ha$$ened in ?lorence,8 Me s3"ints, 0!es$ite all its irt"es( it7s also a $lace o% "n'eara'le memories( ones I7d rather not e1$lore,8 I swallow hard( remem'erin# the ima#es I iewed in S"mmerland9!amen hidin# in a small dark c"$'oard( watchin# as his $arents were m"rdered '+ th"#s intent on o'tainin# the eli1ir9then later( a'"sed as a ward o% the ch"rch "ntil the Black -la#"e swe$t thro"#h ?lorence and he enco"ra#ed !rina and the rest o% the or$hans to drink the immortal )"ice( ho$in# onl+ to heal and ha in# no idea it wo"ld #rant eternal li%e9and I can7t hel$ '"t %eel like the world7s worst #irl%riend %or 'rin#in# it "$, 0I $re%er to %oc"s on the $resent,8 Me nods( #est"rin# aro"nd the lar#e em$t+ room, 0And ri#ht now I reall+ need +o"r hel$ %"rnishin# this s$ace, Accordin# to m+ Realtor( '"+ers like a nice( clean( contem$orar+ look when sho$$in# %or homes, And tho"#h I was thinkin# o% lea in# it em$t+( to reall+ em$hasi2e the si2e o% the rooms( I s"$$ose we sho"ld tr+98 0Yo"r Realtor>8 I #as$( $racticall+ chokin# on the word as m+ oice raises se eral octa es at the end, 05hat co"ld +o" $ossi'l+ need a Realtor %or>8 0I7m sellin# the ho"se,8 Me shr"#s, 0I tho"#ht +o" "nderstood>8 I #a2e aro"nd( lon#in# %or that ancient el et settee with the l"m$+ c"shions( knowin# it wo"ld $ro ide the $er%ect landin# %or when m+ 'od+ colla$ses and m+ head 3"ietl+ e1$lodes, B"t I )"st stand there instead( determined to kee$ it to#ether, Ca2in# at m+ ridic"lo"sl+ #or#eo"s 'o+%riend o% the last %o"r h"ndred +ears as tho"#h it7s the %irst time we7 e met, 0!on7t look so "$set, .othin#7s chan#ed, It7s )"st a ho"se, A serio"sl+ o ersi2ed ho"se, Besides( I7 e ne er needed all this s$ace an+wa+, I ne er e en "se most o% these rooms,8 0And what e1actl+ are +o" $lannin# to re$lace it with( then> A tent>8 0I )"st tho"#ht I7d downsi2e( that7s all,8 Mis #a2e is $leadin#( 'e##in# me to "nderstand, 0.othin# sinister( E er, .othin# meant to h"rt +o",8 0And is +o"r Realtor #oin# to hel$ with that too> 5ith the downsi2in#>8 St"d+in# him closel+( wonderin# what7s #otten into him( and where this will end, 0I mean( !amen( i% +o"7re serio"sl+ lookin# to downsi2e( wh+ not )"st mani%est somethin# smaller> 5h+ are +o" choosin# this con entional ro"te>8 I %lick m+ #a2e o er him( mo in# %rom his #lorio"s head o% lon#ish dark #loss+ hair to his $er%ect r"''er %li$*%lo$Tshod %eet( remem'erin# how( not so lon# a#o( I lon#ed to 'e normal a#ain( )"st like e er+one else, B"t now that I7m #ettin# "sed to m+ $owers I don7t see the $oint, 05hat7s this reall+ a'o"t>8 I s3"int( %eelin# more than a little 'etra+ed, 0I mean( +o"7re the one who #ot me here, Yo"7re the one who made me this wa+, And now that I7m %inall+ ad)"sted( +o" decide to )"m$ shi$> Serio"sl+, 5h+ are +o" doin# this>8 B"t instead o% answerin#( he closes his e+es, -ro)ectin# an ima#e o% the two o% "s la"#hin# and ha$$+( %rolickin# on a 'ea"ti%"l( $ink*sand 'each, B"t I )"st shake m+ head and cross m+ arms ti#hter( re%"sin# to $la+ "ntil m+ 3"estions are answered, Me si#hs and stares o"t the window( t"rnin# toward me when he sa+s( 0I7 e alread+ told +o"( m+ onl+ reco"rse( m+ onl+ wa+ o"t o% this hell o% m+ makin#( is to atone %or m+ karma, And the onl+ wa+ to do that is to %ore#o the mani%estin#( the hi#h li%e( the 'i# s$endin#( and all the other e1tra a#ances I7 e ind"l#ed m+sel% in %or the last si1 h"ndred +ears( so I can li e the li%e o% an ordinar+ citi2en, Monest( hard workin#( and h"m'le( with the same da+*to* da+ str"##les as an+one else,8 I stare at him( re$la+in# his words in m+ head( hardl+ 'elie in# what I )"st heard, 0And how e1actl+ are +o" $lannin# to do that>8 I s3"int, 0Serio"sl+, In +o"r si1 cent"ries o% li in#( ha e +o" e er e en held a real )o'>8 B"t e en tho"#h I7m dead serio"s and not at all )okin#( he throws his head 'ack and la"#hs like I was, E ent"all+ calmin# down eno"#h to sa+( 0Yo" honestl+ think no one will hire me>8 Me shakes his head and la"#hs e en harder, 0E er( $lease, !on7t +o" think I7 e 'een aro"nd lon# eno"#h to ha e

honed a %ew skills>8 I start to res$ond( wantin# to e1$lain that while it7s tr"l+ remarka'le to watch him $aint a -icasso 'etter than -icasso with one hand while sim"ltaneo"sl+ o"tdoin# Ban Co#h with the other( I reall+ don7t think that7ll hel$ him land that co eted 'arista $osition at the Star'"cks on the corner, B"t 'e%ore I can sa+ it( he7s standin# 'eside me( mo in# with s"ch s$eed and #race all I can mana#e is( 05ell( %or someone who7s t"rned his 'ack on his #i%ts( +o" still mo e aw%"ll+ %ast,8 Aware o% that warm wonder%"l tin#le swarmin# m+ skin as he sli$s his arms aro"nd m+ waist and $"lls me close to his chest( care%"ll+ a oidin# skin*on*skin contact, 0And what a'o"t tele$ath+>8 I whis$er, 0Are +o" $lannin# to ditch that too>8 So o ercome '+ his $ro1imit+ I can 'arel+ eke o"t the words, 0I7 e no $lans to ditch an+thin# that 'rin#s me closer to +o"(8 he sa+s( #a2e on mine( stead+ and still, 0As %or the rest98 Me shr"#s( #lancin# aro"nd the lar#e em$t+ s$ace 'e%ore %indin# me a#ain, 0Tell me( what matters more( E er> The si2e o% m+ ho"se9or the si2e o% m+ heart>8 I 'ite m+ li$ and a ert m+ #a2e( the tr"th o% his words lea in# me %eelin# small and ashamed, 0!oes it reall+ matter i% I choose the '"s o er a BM5( and #eneric o er C"cci> Beca"se the car( the wardro'e( the 2i$ code9those are )"st no"ns( thin#s that are %"n to ha e aro"nd( s"re( '"t in the end( the+ ha e nothin# to do with the real me, .othin# to do with who I reall+ am,8 I swallow hard( %oc"sin# on an+thin# '"t him, It7s not that I care a'o"t his BM5 or %a"1 ?rench chatea"1( I mean( i% I want those thin#s I7ll )"st mani%est them m+sel%, B"t e en tho"#h the+ aren7t im$ortant( i% I7m #oin# to 'e honest then I ha e to admit the+ were $art o% the initial attraction9addin# to his sleek( shin+( m+sterio"s $ersona that l"red me ri#ht in, B"t when I %inall+ look at him a#ain( standin# 'e%ore me( stri$$ed 'are o% all the "s"al da22le and %lash( honed down to the er+ essence o% who he reall+ is( I reali2e he7s still the same( warm( wonder%"l #"+ he7s 'een all alon#, 5hich )"st $ro es his $oint, .one o% that other st"%% matters, .one o% it has an+thin# to do with his so"l, I smile( s"ddenl+ remem'erin# the one $lace where we can 'e to#ether9sa%e and sec"re and $rotected %rom harm, Reachin# %or his #lo ed hand as I #ras$ it in mine( sa+in#( 0:ome on( I want to show +o" somethin#(8 and $"llin# him alon#,

se en

At %irst I was worried he7d re%"se to isit a $lace that not onl+ re3"ires a certain amo"nt o% ma#ick %or entr+( '"t that is nothin# '"t ma#ick once +o" arri e, B"t )"st a%ter landin# in that ast %ra#rant %ield( he wi$es the seat o% his )eans and o%%ers his hand( #a2in# all aro"nd as he sa+s( 05ow, I don7t think I was e er a'le to make the $ortal so 3"ickl+,8 0-lease( +o"7re the one who ta"#ht me,8 I smile( #a2in# at the meadow o% $"lsatin# %lowers and shi erin# trees( notin# how e er+thin# here is red"ced to its a'sol"te $"rest %orm o% 'ea"t+ and ener#+, I tilt m+ head 'ack( closin# m+ e+es a#ainst the warm ha2+ #low and shimmerin# mist, Remem'erin# the last time I was here( how I danced with a mani%est !amen in this er+ same %ield( dela+in# the moment when I7d ha e to let #o, 0So +o"7re oka+ with 'ein# here>8 I ask( "ns"re )"st how %ar his 'an on ma#ick e1tends, 0Yo"7re not mad>8 Me shakes his head and takes m+ hand, 0I ne er #row tired o% S"mmerland, It7s a mani%estation o% 'ea"t+ and $romise in its $"rest %orm,8 5e make o"r wa+ thro"#h the $ast"re( '"o+ed '+ the #rass )"st "nder o"r %eet as o"r %in#ers #ra2e the to$s o% #olden wild*%lowers that 'end and swa+ alon#side "s, Gnowin# an+thin# is $ossi'le in this wonder%"l $lace( an+thin# at all( incl"din#9)"st ma+'e9"s, 0I missed this,8 Me smiles( #a2in# all aro"nd, 0.ot that I remem'er the last %ew weeks witho"t it( '"t still( it seems like s"ch a lon# time since we were last here,8 0It %elt stran#e comin# witho"t +o"(8 I sa+( leadin# him toward a 'ea"ti%"l Balinese*st+le ca'ana $erched 'eside the rain'ow*colored stream, 0Tho"#h I did disco er a whole other side I can7t wait to show +o", =nl+ later9not now,8 I $"sh the #a"2+ white %a'ric aside and $lo$ onto the so%t white c"shions( smilin# as !amen lands ri#ht 'eside me( the two o% "s l+in# side '+ side( #a2in# "$ at the ela'oratel+ car ed cocon"t 'eams, Meads to#ether( the soles o% o"r %eet )"st a %ew inches sh+9the res"lt o% m+ eli1ir*%"eled #rowth s$"rt, 05hat is this>8 Me t"rns onto his side as I draw the c"rtains closed with m+ mind, Ea#er to sh"t o"t all that s"rro"nds "s so we can en)o+ o"r own $ri ate s$ace, 0I saw one on the co er o% a tra el ma#a2ine %eat"rin# some e1otic resort( and I liked it so m"ch I tho"#ht I7d mani%est one, Yo" know( so we co"ld9 han# o"t9and9st"%%,8 I a ert m+ #a2e( heart racin#( %ace %l"shin#( knowin# I7m 3"ite $ossi'l+ the most $athetic sed"ctress he7s met in his si1 h"ndred +ears, B"t he )"st la"#hs( $"llin# me so close we )"st nearl+ to"ch, Se$arated onl+ '+ the slimmest eil o% shimmerin# ener#+( a $"lsatin# screen that ho ers 'etween "s9allowin# "s to 'e near witho"t harmin# each other, I close m+ e+es( s"rrenderin# to the wa e o% warmth and tin#le as o"r 'odies come to#ether, Two hearts $"m$in# in $er%ect "nison( reachin# and retreatin#( e1$andin# and retractin#( the tem$o $er%ectl+ s+nchroni2ed as tho"#h 'eatin# as one, E er+thin# a'o"t it %eelin# so #ood( so nat"ral( so ri#ht( I sn"##le closer, .estlin# m+ %ace in the hollow where his sho"lder meets his neck( lon#in# to taste his sweet skin and inhale his warm m"sk+ scent, A low moan esca$in# %rom dee$ in his throat as I close m+ e+es and $ress into his hi$s( m+ ton#"e ti$$ed toward his skin( onl+ to ha e him s$rin# %rom m+ reach so %ast I7m met with a mo"th%"l o% c"shion, I scram'le "$ri#ht( seein# him mo e so 3"ickl+ he7s red"ced to a 'l"r, Sto$$in# onl+ when he7s sa%el+ ensconced on the other side o% the c"rtain( e+es 'la2in#( 'od+ trem'lin#( as I 'e# him to tell me what ha$$ened, I mo e toward him( wantin# to hel$, B"t )"st as I #et close( he mo es a#ain( hand held 'e%ore him( #a2e warnin# me awa+, 0!on7t to"ch me(8 he sa+s, 0-lease( sta+ ri#ht where +o" are, !on7t come an+ closer,8 0B"t9wh+>8 M+ oice hoarse( "nsta'le( hands trem'lin# '+ m+ sides, 0!id I do somethin# wron#> I )"st tho"#ht9well9'eca"se we7re here9and since nothin# 'ad can ha$$en in S"mmerland9I )"st tho"#ht it wo"ld 'e oka+ i% we ma+'e tried to98 0E er( it7s not that9it7s98 Me shakes his head( his e+es darker than I7 e e er seen them, So dark the irises are indistin#"isha'le %rom the $"$ils( 'lendin# ri#ht in, 0And who sa+s nothin# 'ad can ha$$en here>8 Mis tone so ed#+( #a2e so harsh( it7s clear he7s tra eled a er+ lon# wa+ %rom his "s"al state o% in%alli'le calm, I swallow hard and stare at the #ro"nd( %eelin# %oolish( ridic"lo"s9to think I was so des$erate to 'e with m+ 'o+%riend I risked takin# his li%e, 0I #"ess9I )"st ass"med , , ,8 M+ oice %ades( knowin# er+ well what ha$$ens when one ass"mes, .ot onl+ do +o" make an ass o"t o% " and me( '"t in this $artic"lar case( that er+ same " )"st mi#ht end "$ dead, 0I7m sorr+,8 I shake m+ head( knowin# it7s com$letel+ inade3"ate considerin# the li%e*and* death circ"mstances we7re in, 0I9I #"ess I didn7t think it thro"#h, I don7t know what to sa+,8 I $"ll m+ sho"lders in( wra$$in# m+ arms aro"nd m+ waist( tr+in# to make m+sel% smaller( so small I7ll disa$$ear %rom his si#ht, And +et( I can7t hel$ '"t wonder e1actl+ what kind o% 'ad thin# co"ld ha$$en in a $lace where ma#ick comes easil+( and wo"nds are healed instantl+, I mean( i% we7re not sa%e here( then where> !amen looks at me( answerin# the tho"#ht in m+ head when he sa+s( 0S"mmerland contains the $ossi'ilit+ o% all thin#s, So %ar( we7 e onl+ seen the li#ht( '"t who7s to sa+ there7s not a dark side> Ma+'e it7s not at all what we think,8 I #a2e at him( remem'erin# when I %irst met Rom+ and Ra+ne and how the+ said somethin# similar, 5atchin# as he mani%ests a 'ea"ti%"ll+ car ed wood 'ench( then motions %or me to sit, 0:ome,8 Me nods( "r#in# me toward him as I take a seat at the %ar end( not wantin# to #et too close and risk settin# him o%% a#ain, 0There7s somethin# +o" need to see9somethin# +o" need to "nderstand, So $lease )"st close +o"r e+es and clear +o"r mind o% an+ random tho"#hts and cl"tter as 'est +o" can, Gee$in# +o"rsel% o$en and rece$ti e to an+ isions I send, :an +o" do that>8 I nod( e+es sh"t ti#ht( doin# m+ 'est to swee$ m+ mind o% s"ch tho"#hts as: 5hat7s #oin# on> Is he mad at me> =% co"rse he7s mad at me4 Mow co"ld I 'e so st"$id> B"t how mad is he> Is it $ossi'le to chan#e his mind and start o er a#ain> M+ "s"al $aranoid $la+*list set on $ermanent re$eat, B"t e en a%ter clearin# it o"t and waitin# %or what %eels like a reasona'le amo"nt o% time( all I7 e #otten so %ar is a hea + oid o% dense solid 'lack, 0I don7t #et it(8 I sa+( o$enin# one e+e and $eekin# at him, B"t he )"st shakes his head( e+es sh"t ti#ht( 'rows mer#ed in concentration( as he contin"es to %oc"s with all o% his mi#ht, 0Histen(8 he sa+s, 0And look dee$ down inside, J"st close +o"r e+es and recei e,8 I take a dee$ 'reath and tr+ a#ain( '"t still( all I #et is a %ore'odin# silence and the %eelin# o% 'lack em$t+ s$ace, 0Um( I7m reall+ sorr+(8 I whis$er( not wantin# to "$set him '"t s"re that I7m missin# the $oint, 0I7m not #ettin# m"ch o% an+thin# other than silence and darkness,8 0E1actl+(8 he whis$ers( "n%a2ed '+ m+ words, 0.ow $lease( take hold o% m+ hand and #o dee$er( del e $ast the s"r%ace "sin# all o% +o"r senses( then tell me what +o" see,8 I take a dee$ 'reath and do as he sa+s( reachin# %or his hand and $"shin# $ast the solid wall o% 'lack( '"t all I #et is more o% the same, Until9 Until9 I7m s"cked into a 'lack hole( lim's %lailin#( "na'le to sto$ or slow down, ?ree*%allin# into the darkness( m+ horri'le hi#h*$itched scream the onl+ so"nd, And )"st as I7m s"re that this %all has no end9it sto$s, The scream, The %all, All o% it, E er+thin#, Hea in# me to han# there, Untethered, S"s$ended,

:om$letel+ alone in this solitar+ $lace with no 'e#innin# or end, Host in this dark and dismal a'+ss with no trace o% li#ht comin# in, A'andoned in this in%inite oid( a lost and lonel+ world o% $ermanent midni#ht, The horri'le reali2ation slowl+ dawnin# on me9This is where I li e now, A hell with no esca$e, I tr+ to r"n( scream( cr+ %or hel$9'"t it7s no "se, I7m %ro2en( $aral+2ed( "na'le to s$eak9com$letel+ alone %or all o% eternit+, -"r$osel+ held a$art %rom e er+thin# I know and lo e9c"t o%% %rom e er+thin# that e1ists, Gnowin# I7 e no choice '"t to s"rrender as m+ mind #oes 'lank and m+ 'od+ lim$, There7s no "se in %i#htin# when no one can sa e me, I remain like that( solitar+( eternal( a shadow+ awareness cree$in# "$on me( t"##in# %rom a $lace )"st o"tside o% m+ reach9 Until9 Until9 I7m +anked o"t o% that hell and into !amen7s arms( relie ed to see his 'ea"ti%"l( an1io"s %ace ho erin# o er me, 0I7m so sorr+9I tho"#ht I7d lost +o"9I tho"#ht +o"7d ne er come 'ack48 he cries( holdin# me ti#ht( his oice like a so' in m+ ear, I clin# to him( 'od+ shakin#( heart racin#( clothes drenched with sweat, .e er ha in# %elt so isolated 'e%ore9so disconnected9%rom e er+thin#, ?rom e er+9li in#9thin#, M"##in# him ti#hter( "nwillin# to let #o( m+ mind connectin# with his( askin# wh+ he chose to $"t me thro"#h that, Me $"lls awa+( c"$$in# m+ %ace in his hands as his e+es search mine, 0I7m sorr+, I wasn7t tr+in# to $"nish +o"( or harm +o" in an+ wa+, I onl+ wanted to show +o" somethin#( somethin# +o" needed to e1$erience %irsthand in order to "nderstand,8 I nod( not tr"stin# m+ oice, Still shaken %rom an e1$erience so aw%"l it %elt like the death o% m+ so"l, 0M+ Cod48 Mis e+es widen, 0That7s it4 That7s e1actl+ what it is, The so"l ceases to e1ist48 0I don7t "nderstand(8 I sa+( oice hoarse( shak+, 05hat was that horri'le $lace>8 Me looks awa+( %in#ers s3"ee2in# mine when he sa+s( 0The %"t"re, The Shadowland, The eternal a'+ss I7d tho"#ht was meant onl+ %or me9that I7d ho$ed was meant onl+ %or me , , ,8 Me closes his e+es and shakes his head, 0B"t now I know 'etter, .ow I know that i% +o"7re not care%"l( e1tremel+ care%"l 9+o"7ll #o there too,8 I look at him( startin# to s$eak( '"t he c"ts me o%% 'e%ore I can #et to the words, 0The $ast %ew da+s I7 e 'een #ettin# these %lashes9#lim$ses( reall+9 o% ario"s moments %rom m+ $ast9'oth distant and near,8 Me looks at me( care%"ll+ searchin# m+ %ace, 0B"t the moment we came here98 Me #est"res aro"nd, 0It started tricklin# 'ack( slowl+ at %irst "ntil it all came s"r#in# %orth( incl"din# the moments I was "nder Roman7s control, I also reli ed m+ death, Those %ew 'rie% moments a%ter +o" 'roke thro"#h the circle( 'e%ore +o" had me drink the antidote( as +o" know( I was d+in#, I watched m+ entire li%e %lash 'e%ore me( si1 h"ndred +ears o% "nchecked anit+( narcissism( sel%ishness( and #reed, Hike an endless reel o% all o% m+ actions( e er+ misdeed that I7d done9accom$anied '+ the im$act I had9the mental and $h+sical e%%ect o% m+ mistreatment o% others, And tho"#h there were a %ew decent acts here and there( the ma)orit+( well( it amo"nted to cent"ries o% me %oc"sin# on nothin# '"t m+ own sel%*interest( #i in# er+ little tho"#ht to an+thin# or an+one else, ?oc"sin# solel+ on the $h+sical world to the detriment o% m+ so"l, Hea in# me no do"'t I was ri#ht all alon#( m+ karma7s to 'lame %or what we7re #oin# thro"#h now,8 Me shakes his head and meets m+ #a2e with s"ch "n%linchin# honest+ I want to reach o"t and to"ch him( hold him( tell him it will all 'e oka+, B"t instead I sta+ $"t( sensin# there7s more and it7s a'o"t to #et worse, 0Then( at the moment o% m+ death( instead o% comin# here( to S"mmerland98 Mis oice cracks '"t he %orces himsel% to contin"e, 0I9I went to a $lace the e1act o$$osite o% this, A $lace so dark and cold it7s more like a Shadowland, E1$eriencin# the same thin# +o" )"st did, Solitar+( s"s$ended( alone9 le%t to sta+ that wa+ %or all o% eternit+,8 Me looks at me( willin# me to "nderstand, 0It was e1actl+ like +o" %elt, It was as tho"#h I was isolated( so"lless9with no connection to an+thin# or an+one else,8 I stare into his e+es( an omino"s chill 'lanketin# m+ skin( ne er ha in# seen him so tired( so )aded( so9re#ret%"l9'e%ore, 0And now I "nderstand the er+ thin# that7s esca$ed me all these +ears98 I $"ll m+ knees to m+ chest( shieldin# m+sel% %rom whate er comes ne1t, 0=nl+ o"r $h+sical 'odies are immortal, ="r so"ls are most certainl+ not,8 I a ert m+ #a2e( "na'le to look at him( "na'le to 'reathe, 0This is the %"t"re +o"7re %acin#, The one I7 e #ranted +o"( i%( Cod %or'id( an+thin# sho"ld ha$$en( that is,8 M+ %in#ers instincti el+ %l+ to m+ throat( remem'erin# what Roman said a'o"t m+ com$romised chakra( m+ lack o% discernment and weakness( wonderin# i% there7s some wa+ to #"ard it, 0B"t9how can +o" 'e s"re>8 I look at him as tho"#h ca"#ht in a dream( some horri'le ni#htmare with no wa+ to esca$e, 0I mean( there7s a #ood chance +o"7re wron# since it ha$$ened so %ast, So ma+'e that was )"st a tem$orar+ state, Yo" know( like I 'ro"#ht +o" 'ack to li%e so %ast +o" didn7t ha e time to make the tri$ here,8 Me shakes his head( his #a2e meetin# mine when he sa+s( 0Tell me( E er( what did +o" see when +o" died> Mow did +o" s$end those %ew moments 'etween the time when +o"r so"l le%t +o"r 'od+ and I ret"rned +o" to li%e>8 I swallow hard and look awa+( #a2in# at the trees( the %lowers( the color%"l stream %lowin# near'+9remem'erin# that da+ I %o"nd m+sel% in this er+ same %ield, So taken '+ its head+ %ra#rance( its shimmerin# mist( the all*encom$assin# %eel o% "nconditional lo e( I was tem$ted to lin#er %ore er( ne er wantin# to lea e, 0The reason +o" didn7t see the a'+ss is 'eca"se +o" were still mortal, Yo"7d died a mortal7s death, B"t the moment I had +o" drink %rom the eli1ir( #rantin# +o" in%inite li%e( e er+thin# chan#ed, Instead o% an eternit+ in S"mmerland or the $lace 'e+ond the 'rid#e9the Shadowland 'ecame +o"r %ate,8 Me shakes his head and looks awa+( so dee$l+ mired in his $ri ate world o% re#ret I7m a%raid I7ll ne er reach him a#ain, B"t )"st as 3"ickl+ his e+es meet mine when he sa+s( 05e can li e an eternit+ in the earth $lane( +o" and I to#ether, B"t i% somethin# sho"ld ha$$en( i% one o% "s sho"ld die98 Me shakes his head, 0The a'+ss is where we7ll #o( and we7ll ne er see each other a#ain,8 I start to s$eak( des$erate to re%"te it( tell him he7s wron#( '"t I can7t, It7s no "se, All I ha e to do is look in his e+es to see the real tr"th, 0And as m"ch as I 'elie e in the $ower%"l healin# ma#ick o% this $lace9)"st look at the wa+ it healed m+ memor+98 Me shr"#s and shakes his head, 0I can7t a%%ord to #i e in( no matter how sa%e m+ desire %or +o" ma+ seem, It7s too risk+, And we7 e no $roo% it7ll 'e an+ di%%erent here than on the earth $lane, It7s a #am'le I can7t a%%ord to take, .ot when I need to do e er+thin# I can to kee$ +o" sa%e,8 0Gee$ me sa%e>8 I #a$e, 0Yo"7re the one who needs sa in#4 It7s m+ %a"lt all this ha$$ened in the %irst $lace4 I% I hadn7t98 0E er( $lease(8 he sa+s( oice stern( willin# me to listen, 0Yo"7re in no wa+ to 'lame, 5hen I think a'o"t the wa+ I7 e li ed9the thin#s I7 e done98 Me shakes his head, 0I deser e nothin# 'etter, And i% there was an+ 3"estion that m+ karma was to 'lame( well( I think it ends here, I7 e s$ent the 'etter $art o% si1 h"ndred +ears de otin# m+sel% to $h+sical $leas"re and ne#lectin# m+ so"l9and this is the res"lt9the wake*"$ call( and "n%ort"natel+( I7 e dra##ed +o" alon#, So make no mistake( m+ concern is %or +o" and +o" onl+, Yo"7re m+ onl+ $riorit+, M+ li%e is onl+ im$ortant in that I sta+ well lon# eno"#h to $rotect +o" %rom Roman and whoe er else he mi#ht h"rt, And that means we can ne er 'e to#ether, .e er, It7s a risk we can7t take,8 I t"rn toward the stream( a tho"sand tho"#hts stormin# m+ 'rain, And e en tho"#h I heard e er+thin# he )"st said( e en tho"#h I e1$erienced the a'+ss %or m+sel%( I still wo"ldn7t chan#e what I am, 0And the other or$hans>8 I whis$er( remem'erin# how I co"nted si1( incl"din# Roman, 05hat ha$$ened to them> !o +o" know i% the+ t"rned e il like Roman and !rina>8 !amen shr"#s( risin# %rom the 'ench and $acin# 'e%ore me, 0I alwa+s ass"med the+ were too old and %ee'le '+ now to e er $ose a real threat, That7s what ha$$ens a%ter the %irst one h"ndred and %i%t+ +ears9+o" a#e, And the onl+ wa+ to re erse the $rocess is to drink the eli1ir a#ain, M+ #"ess is that !rina stock$iled it while we were married and sli$$ed it to Roman who e ent"all+ learned how to make his own and then $assed it to the others,8 Me

shakes his head, 0So that7s where !rina is now(8 I whis$er( o ercome with remorse when I reali2e the tr"th, .o matter how e il she was( she didn7t deser e that, .o'od+ does, 0I sent her to the Shadowland9and now she7s98 I shake m+ head( "na'le to %inish, 0It wasn7t +o" who did it( it was me,8 Me %ills the s$ace 'eside me( sittin# so close there7s onl+ a sli er o% ener#+ $"lsatin# 'etween "s, 0The moment I made her an immortal( I sealed her %ate, J"st like I did +o"rs,8 I swallow hard( com%orted '+ his warmth alon# with his wantin# to ass"re me that I7m tr"l+ not res$onsi'le %or sendin# m+ n"m'er*one enem+ thro"#h all o% m+ li es strai#ht into that hell, 0I7m so sorr+(8 he whis$ers( #a2e %"ll o% re#ret, 0I7m sorr+ I in ol ed +o" in an+ o% this, I sho"ld7 e le%t +o" alone9sho"ld7 e walked a lon# time a#o, Yo" wo"ld7 e 'een so m"ch 'etter o%% i% +o"7d ne er met me98 I shake m+ head( "nwillin# to e en isit that $lace( it7s %ar too late %or lookin# 'ack or second*#"essin#, 0B"t i% we7re destined to 'e to#ether9then ma+'e this is o"r %ate,8 Gnowin# he remains "ncon inced the second I read his e1$ression, 0=r ma+'e I7 e %orced somethin# that was ne er meant to 'e,8 Me %rowns, 0!id +o" e er think o% that>8 I look awa+( takin# in the s"rro"ndin# 'ea"t+( knowin# words alone can ne er chan#e an+ o% this, =nl+ action can hel$, And l"ck+ %or "s( I know )"st where to start, I stand( $"llin# him "$ alon#side me as I sa+( 0:ome on, 5e don7t need Roman9don7t need an+one9I know )"st the $lace48

ei#ht

5e head %or the Creat Malls o% Hearnin#, Sto$$in# )"st sh+ o% its stee$ mar'le ste$s as I $eer at him( wonderin# ;ho$in#4< he can see what I see9the e er*chan#in# %aVade that7s re3"ired %or entr+, 0So +o" reall+ did %ind it(8 he sa+s( oice tin#ed with awe as we watch the re ol in# collection o% the most sacred and 'ea"ti%"l $laces on Earth, The Ta) Mahal mor$hin# into the -arthenon( which t"rns into the Hot"s tem$le( which 'ecomes the Creat -+ramids o% Ci2a( and so on, ="r m"t"al acknowled#ment o% its 'ea"t+ and wonder allowin# "s into the #rand mar'le hall lined with ela'oratel+ car ed col"mns strai#ht o"t o% ancient Creek times, !amen #a2es aro"nd( %ace a mask o% a'sol"te wonder as he takes it all in, 0I ha en7t 'een here since98 I $eer at him( holdin# m+ 'reath( d+in# to know the details o% the last time he was here, 0Since I came to %ind +o",8 I s3"int( "ns"re what that means, 0Sometimes98 Me looks at me, 0I was l"ck+ eno"#h to )"st ha$$en "$on +o"( endin# "$ in the same $lace at )"st the ri#ht time, Tho"#h more o%ten than not I7d ha e to wait a %ew +ears 'e%ore it was $ro$er to meet,8 0Yo" mean +o" were s$+in# on me>8 I #a$e( ho$in# it wasn7t nearl+ as cree$+ as it so"nds, 05hen I was a kid>8 Me crin#es( a ertin# his #a2e when he sa+s( 0.o( not s$+in#( E er, -lease, 5hat do +o" take me %or>8 Me la"#hs and shakes his head, 0It was more like9kee$in# ta's, -atientl+ waitin# "ntil the time was ri#ht, B"t the last %ew times when I was "na'le to %ind +o"( no matter how hard I tried9and 'elie e me( I tried( li in# like a nomad( wanderin# %rom $lace to $lace( s"re I7d lost +o" %ore er9I decided to come here, And I ran into some %riends who showed me the wa+,8 0Rom+ and Ra+ne,8 I nod( neither hearin# nor seein# the answer in his head( '"t somehow sensin# it7s tr"e, = ercome '+ an immediate r"sh o% #"ilt %or %ailin# to e en think o% them "ntil now, .ot e en wonderin# how the+ mi#ht 'e( where the+ mi#ht 'e( "ntil a second a#o, 0Yo" know them>8 Me s3"ints( clearl+ s"r$rised, I $ress m+ li$s to#ether( knowin# I7ll ha e to tell him the rest o% the stor+( the $arts I7d ho$ed to omit, 0The+ led me here too98 I $a"se( takin# a dee$ 'reath and lookin# awa+( $re%errin# to take in the room than meet his 3"i22ical #a2e, 0The+ were at A a7s9or at least Ra+ne was, Rom+ was o"t98 I shake m+ head and start a#ain, 0She was o"t tr+in# to hel$ +o" when +o"98 I close m+ e+es and si#h( decidin# to )"st show him instead, E er+thin#, All o% it, Incl"din# the $arts I was too ashamed to $"t into words, -ro)ectin# the e ents o% that da+ "ntil there are no more secrets 'etween "s, Hettin# him know how hard the+ %o"#ht to sa e him( while I was too st"''orn( re%"sin# to listen, B"t instead o% 'ein# "$set like I %eared( he $laces his hands on m+ sho"lders( #a2in# at me with %or#i eness as he thinks( 5hat7s done is done, 5e ha e to mo e %orward( there7s no lookin# 'ack, I swallow hard and meet his #a2e( knowin# he7s ri#ht, It7s time to #et started( '"t where to 'e#in> 0It7s 'etter i% we s$lit "$,8 Me nods( his words a s"r$rise to m+ ears( and I7m )"st a'o"t to s$eak when he adds( 0E er( think a'o"t it, Yo"7re tr+in# to %ind somethin# to re erse the e%%ects o% the eli1ir I drank( while I7m tr+in# to sa e +o" %rom the Shadowland( not e1actl+ the same thin#,8 I si#h( disa$$ointed '"t ha in# to a#ree, 0I #"ess I7ll see +o" 'ack at the ho"se then, M+ ho"se( i% that7s oka+>8 I $lace m+ hand o er his and #i e it a s3"ee2e( rel"ctant to re isit his de$ressin#l+ 'arren room and "ns"re where he stands on the whole karma c"rse thin# now that his memor+7s ret"rned, And no sooner has he nodded and closed his e+es than he7s anished %rom si#ht, So I take a dee$ 'reath and close m+ e+es too( thinkin#: I need hel$, I7 e made a h"#e and horri'le mistake and I don7t know what to do, I need to either %ind an antidote to the antidote9somethin# that7ll re erse the e%%ects o% what Roman7s done9or %ind a wa+ to #et to him( con ince him to coo$erate with me9'"t onl+ in a wa+ that won7t re3"ire me to9 "m9serio"sl+ com$romise m+sel% in a wa+ I7m not com%orta'le with , , , i% +o" know what I mean , , , ?oc"sin# m+ intention( re$la+in# the words a#ain and a#ain, Mo$in# it7ll #rant access to the akashic records( the $ermanent record o% e er+thin# that has( is( or e er will 'e done, -ra+in# I won7t 'e sh"t o"t a#ain like the last time I was here, B"t this time( when I hear that %amiliar '"22( instead o% the "s"al lon# hallwa+ leadin# to a m+sterio"s room( I %ind m+sel% ri#ht smack in the middle o% a cine$le1( its lo''+ em$t+( snack 'ar a'andoned( with no cl"e o% what I sho"ld do "ntil a set o% do"'le doors o$ens 'e%ore me, I ste$ inside a dark theater with stick+ %loors( worn seats( and the scent o% '"tter+ $o$corn $ermeatin# the air, S3"ee2in# down the aisle and choosin# the 'est seat in the ho"se( the one hal%wa+ down and dead center( I $ro$ m+ %eet on the chair )"st 'e%ore me as the li#hts #o dim and a 'i# t"' o% $o$corn a$$ears in m+ la$, 5atchin# the red dra$es retract as the lar#e cr+stal screen 'e#ins to %licker and %lare in a $ro%"sion o% ima#es that 3"ickl+ race $ast, B"t instead o% the sol"tion I7d ho$ed %or( all I #et is a series o% cli$s %rom mo ies I7 e alread+ seen, Res"ltin# in a sort o% homemade monta#e o% m+ %amil+7s %"nniest moments( li%ted strai#ht %rom m+ old li%e in =re#on and "n%oldin# to a so"ndtrack that onl+ Rile+ co"ld make, 5atchin# a cli$ o% Rile+ and me( 'oth o% "s hammin# it "$ on a homemade sta#e in o"r den( dancin# and li$*s+nchin# %or an a"dience consistin# o% o"r $arents and do#, Soon %ollowed '+ an ima#e o% B"tterc"$( o"r sweet +ellow la', Ton#"e strainin# toward her nose( lickin# like mad( tr+in# to #et to the ch"nk o% $ean"t '"tter Rile+ had da''ed there, And e en tho"#h it7s not at all what I7d ho$ed %or( I know it7s im$ortant all the same, Rile+ $romised she7d %ind a wa+ to comm"nicate with me( ass"rin# me that )"st 'eca"se I can7t see her an+more doesn7t mean she7s not still aro"nd, So I $"sh m+ 3"est aside( and sink down in m+ seat, Gnowin# she7s sittin# 'eside me( silent and "nseen, 5antin# to share this moment to#ether( two sisters sharin# the home*mo ie ersion o% what "sed to 'e,

nine

B+ the time I make it 'ack to m+ room( !amen is waitin#( sittin# on the ed#e o% m+ 'ed( cradlin# a small satin $o"ch in the $alm o% his #lo ed hand, 0Mow lon# was I #one>8 I ask( $lo$$in# down 'eside him as I s3"int at m+ 'edside clock and %i#"re the math, 0There7s no time in S"mmerland(8 he reminds me, 0B"t on the earth $lane( I7d sa+ +o" were #one %or a while, !id +o" learn an+thin#>8 I think a'o"t the home mo ies I watched( Rile+7s ersion o% 0The Bloom ?amil+7s ?"nniest Bideos(8 then I shake m+ head and shr"#, 0.othin# "se%"l, Yo">8 Me smiles( handin# o er the silk $o"ch as he sa+s( 0=$en and see,8 I $"ll on the drawstrin#( sli$ a %in#er inside( and retrie e a 'lack silk cord 'earin# a cl"ster o% color%"l cr+stals held to#ether '+ thin #old 'ands, 5atchin# it catch and re%lect the li#ht as I dan#le it 'e%ore me( thinkin# it7s 'ea"ti%"l i% not a 'it odd, 0It7s an am"let(8 he sa+s( watchin# me care%"ll+ as I take in the indi id"al stones( each o% them 'earin# a di%%erent sha$e( si2e( and color, 0The+7 e 'een worn thro"#h the a#es and are said to hold ma#ical $ro$erties %or healin#( $rotection( $ros$erit+( and 'alance, Tho"#h this $artic"lar one( 'ein# created solel+ %or +o"( is hea + on the $rotection element since that7s what +o" need,8 I look at him( wonderin# how this co"ld $ossi'l+ hel$, Then I remem'er the cr+stals I "sed to make the antidote that sa ed him( and how it reall+ co"ld7 e worked9i% Roman hadn7t tricked me into addin# m+ 'lood to the mi1, 0It7s com$letel+ "ni3"e( assem'led and cra%ted with +o"r own $ersonal )o"rne+ in mind, There7s not another one like it( not an+where, I know it doesn7t sol e o"r $ro'lem( '"t at least it7ll hel$,8 I s3"int at the '"ndle o% rocks( "ns"re what to sa+, J"st a'o"t to sli$ it o er m+ head and #i e it a #o( when he smiles and sa+s( 0Allow me,8 Catherin# m+ lon# hair and dra$in# it o er m+ sho"lder as he reaches 'ehind me and sec"res the small #olden clas$( 'e%ore t"ckin# it "nder m+ tee where no one can see, 0Is it a secret>8 I ask( e1$ectin# the cr+stals to %eel cold and hard a#ainst m+ skin and s"r$rised to %ind them 3"ite warm and con%ortin# instead, Me 'r"shes m+ hair 'ack o er m+ sho"lder( lettin# it %all )"st sh+ o% m+ waist, 0.o( it7s not a secret, Tho"#h +o" $ro'a'l+ sho"ldn7t %la"nt it either, I ha e no idea )"st how %ar Roman7s ad anced( so it7s 'etter not to draw his attention to it,8 0Me knows a'o"t the chakras(8 I sa+( seein# the s"r$rise in his #a2e and choosin# to omit the %act that he7s act"all+ res$onsi'le %or that, Ma in# "nwittin#l+ re ealed all kinds o% secrets while "nder Roman7s s$ell, Me %eels 'adl+ eno"#h alread+( so there7s no reason to make it an+ worse, I ta$ m+ %in#ers a#ainst the am"let 'eneath m+ shirt( s"r$rised '+ how solid it %eels %rom the o"tside( com$ared to the inside( the $art that rests on m+ skin, 0B"t what a'o"t +o"> !on7t +o" need $rotection too>8 5atchin# as he "nearths a similar am"let %rom "nder his lon#*slee ed tee( smilin# as he dan#les it 'e%ore me, 0Mow come +o"rs looks so di%%erent>8 I ask( s3"intin# at the cl"ster o% s$arklin# stones, 0I told +o"( no two are alike, J"st like no two $eo$le are alike, I7 e #ot m+ own iss"es to o ercome,8 0Yo" ha e iss"es>8 I la"#h( tho"#h serio"sl+ wonderin# what the+ co"ld $ossi'l+ 'e, Me7s #ood at e er+thin# he does, And I mean e er+ sin#le thin#, Me shakes his head and la"#hs( a wonder%"l so"nd I don7t #et to hear nearl+ eno"#h an+more, 0Belie e me( I7 e #ot m+ share(8 he sa+s( la"#hin# a#ain, 0And +o"7re s"re these will kee$ "s sa%e>8 I $ress it a#ainst m+ chest( noticin# how it %eels like a $art o% me now, 0That7s the $lan,8 Me shr"#s( #ettin# "$ %rom the 'ed and headin# %or the door as he adds( 0B"t( E er( $lease do "s 'oth a %a or and tr+ not to $"t it to the test( oka+>8 05hat a'o"t Roman>8 I ask( takin# in his lon#( lean %orm as he rests a#ainst the )am', 0!on7t +o" think we sho"ld come "$ with some kind o% $lan> ?ind a wa+ to #et him to #i e "s what we need and 'e done with all this>8 !amen looks at me( #a2e narrowed on mine, 0There7s no $lan( E er, En#a#in# with Roman is e1actl+ what he wants, 5e7re 'etter o%% %indin# a sol"tion on o"r own( witho"t rel+in# on him,8 0B"t how> E er+thin# we7 e tried so %ar has 'een a total '"st,8 I shake m+ head, 0And wh+ sho"ld we r"n o"rsel es ra##ed( searchin# %or answers( when Roman7s alread+ admitted to ha in# the antidote> Me said all I ha e to do is $a+ the ri#ht $rice and he7ll hand it o er9how hard can that 'e>8 0And +o"7re willin# to $a+ his $rice>8 !amen asks( oice stead+ and dee$ as his dark e+es swee$ mine, I a ert m+ #a2e( cheeks heatin# to a tho"sand de#rees, 0=% co"rse not4 =r at least not the $rice that +o" think48 I 'rin# m+ knees to m+ chest and wra$ m+ arms aro"nd them, 0It7s )"st98 I shake m+ head( %r"strated at ha in# to $lead m+ case, 0It7s )"st that98 0E er( this is e1actl+ what Roman wants,8 Mis )aw ti#htens( his %eat"res harden( 'e%ore meetin# m+ #a2e and so%tenin# a#ain, 0Me wants to di ide "s( make "s 3"estion each other( 'reak "s a$art, Me also wants "s to #o a%ter him and start some kind o% war, Yo"7 e no reason to tr"st him( he7ll lie( mani$"late( and make no mistake( it7s a er+ dan#ero"s #ame that he $la+s, And while I $romise to do e er+thin# in m+ $ower to $rotect +o"( +o" ha e to hel$ me here too, Yo" ha e to $romise +o"7ll sta+ awa+ %rom him( i#nore all his ta"nts( and won7t rise to his 'ait, I7ll %ind a sol"tion, ?i#"re somethin# o"t, J"st $lease( look to me %or the answers( not Roman( oka+>8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and look awa+( wonderin# wh+ I sho"ld $romise an+ o% that when the c"re is ri#ht there %or the takin#, Besides( I7m the one who ca"sed this sit"ation, I7m the one who #ot "s into this mess, So I sho"ld 'e the one to #et "s 'oth o"t, I switch m+ #a2e 'ack to his( an idea 'e#innin# to %orm9one that mi#ht work, 0So we7re clear a'o"t Roman>8 Me tilts his head and li%ts his 'row( "nwillin# to lea e "ntil I consent, I nod( )"st 'arel+( '"t still eno"#h to con ince him to head down the stairs so %ast I can7t distin#"ish his %orm, The onl+ hint o% his ha in# 'een here are the stones a#ainst m+ chest and the sin#le red t"li$ he le%t on the 'ed,

ten

0E er>8 I close the window on m+ com$"ter and switch it to the essa+ I7m s"$$osed to 'e writin# %or En#lish, Gnowin# Sa'ine wo"ld %reak i% she ca"#ht me r"nnin# a Coo#le search on ancient alchemical %orm"las( rather than the homework she7s e1$ectin# to see, Beca"se as nice as it is l+in# 'eside !amen( the 'eat o% o"r hearts connectin# as one( in the lon# r"n( it7s )"st not eno"#h, It7ll ne er 'e eno"#h, I want a normal relationshi$ with m+ immortal 'o+%riend, =ne with no 'arriers, =ne where I can tr"l+ en)o+ the %eel o% skin as o$$osed to the wa+ I remem'er it in m+ head, And I7ll $rett+ m"ch sto$ at nothin# to #et it, 0!id +o" eat>8 She $laces her hand on m+ sho"lder as she $eers at the screen, And since I didn7t $re$are( didn7t #"ard m+sel% %rom her to"ch( that7s all it takes to see her ersion o% the in%amo"s Star'"cks meet and #reet, 5hich( "n%ort"natel+( is not so di%%erent %rom M"no27s ersion9the two o% them actin# all ha$$+ and #idd+( smilin# at each other with an a'"ndance o% ho$e, And e en tho"#h she seems reall+ ha$$+( and no do"'t deser es to 'e ha$$+ es$eciall+ a%ter all that I7 e $"t her thro"#h( I still com%ort m+sel% with the ision I had a %ew months 'ack9the one where she clearl+ ends "$ with some c"te #"+ who works in her '"ildin#, 5onderin# i% I sho"ld sa+ or do somethin# to tem$er her e1citement since it7s not like this little %lirtation is #oin# an+where, B"t knowin# I7 e alread+ taken too 'i# o% a risk '+ o"tin# m+sel% to M"no2( I don7t sa+ a word, I can7t a%%ord to ti$ her o%% too, I swi el aro"nd in m+ chair( releasin# m+sel% %rom her #ri$, 5antin# to a oid seein# an+thin# more than I alread+ ha e( waitin# %or her ener#+ stream to %ade, 0!amen made me dinner(8 I sa+( oice stead+ and low des$ite the %act that it7s not e1actl+ tr"e, Unless +o" co"nt the eli1ir I drank, She looks at me( #a2e s"ddenl+ tro"'led as it narrows on mine, 0!amen>8 She ste$s 'ack, 0.ow there7s a name I ha en7t heard in a while,8 I crin#e( wishin# I hadn7t )"st $"t it o"t there like that, I sho"ld7 e 'roken her in slowl+( #otten her "sed to the idea o% seein# him a#ain, 0!oes this mean +o"7re 'ack to#ether>8 I shr"#( allowin# m+ hair to %all in m+ %ace so it7s $artiall+ hidden, Cras$in# a ch"nk and twistin# it aro"nd( $retendin# to ins$ect %or s$lit ends e en tho"#h I no lon#er #et them, 0Yeah( "m( we7re still9%riendl+,8 I shr"#, 0I mean( act"all+( we7re more than %riends( we7re more like98 !atin# and doomed9destined to s$end an eternit+ in the a'+ss9madl+ in lo e '"t "na'le to to"ch9 05ell( +eah( I mean( I #"ess +o" co"ld sa+ we7re 'ack to#ether a#ain,8 ?orcin# a smile so wide m+ li$s $racticall+ s$lit down the middle( '"t holdin# it an+wa+( ho$in# it7ll enco"ra#e her to )oin in, 0And +o"7re oka+ with that>8 She r"ns her hand thro"#h her #olden 'lond hair( a shade we "sed to share "ntil I started drinkin# the eli1ir which t"rned mine e en li#hter( then $erches on the ed#e o% m+ 'ed( crosses her le#s( and dro$s her 'rie%case onto the %loor9%o"r er+ 'ad si#ns that she7s settlin# in %or one o% her lon#( awkward talks, Mer #a2e mo es o er me( takin# in m+ %aded )eans( m+ white tank to$ and 'l"e tee( searchin# %or s+m$toms( hints( cl"es( some kind o% telltale si#n o% adolescent distress, Ma in# onl+ recentl+ r"led o"t anore1ia andFor '"limia when m+ eli1ir*%"eled #rowth s$"rt added %o"r inches to m+ hei#ht and '"lked "$ m+ %rame with a thin la+er o% m"scle e en tho"#h I ne er work o"t, B"t this time it7s not m+ a$$earance that7s #ot her "nner ed( it7s m+ on a#ainFo%% a#ain relationshi$ with !amen that7s r"n# her code red, Ma in# recentl+ %inished +et another $arentin# 'ook claimin# that a t"m"lt"o"s relationshi$ is ma)or ca"se %or concern, And e en tho"#h that ma+ 'e tr"e( nothin# a'o"t !amen and m+ relationshi$ co"ld e er 'e condensed into a cha$ter in a 'ook, 0!on7t #et me wron#( E er, I like !amen( I do, Me7s nice and $olite( and he7s certainl+ er+ com$osed9and +et( there7s somethin# a'o"t that cool sel%* ass"rance( somethin# that seems rather odd %or a +o"n# man his a#e, Hike he7s somehow too old %or +o"9or98 She shr"#s( "na'le to $lace it, I $"sh m+ hair o%% m+ %ace so I can see her 'etter, She7s the second $erson toda+ who7s noticed somethin# o%% a'o"t him9a'o"t "s, ?irst it was Ma en with the whole tele$ath+ thin#( and now Sa'ine7s takin# iss"e with his mat"rit+ and $oise, And e en tho"#h it7s eas+ eno"#h to e1$lain( the %act that the+7re e en noticin# in the %irst $lace is what worries me, 0And while I know there7s onl+ a %ew months 'etween +o"( he somehow comes o%% as9more e1$erienced, Too e1$erienced,8 She shr"#s, 0And I7d hate %or +o" to %eel $ress"red into doin# somethin# +o"7re not 3"ite read+ %or,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and tr+ not to la"#h( thinkin# how she co"ldn7t ha e #otten it more wron#, Ass"min# that I7m the innocent maiden 'ein# chased '+ the 'i# 'ad wol%( ne er ima#inin# that I7m act"all+ the $redator in this $artic"lar tale( dan#ero"sl+ $"rs"in# m+ $re+ to the $oint o% riskin# his li%e, 0Beca"se no matter what he ma+ sa+( +o"7re in control o% +o"( E er, Yo"7re the one who determines who( where( and when, And no matter how +o" ma+ %eel a'o"t him( or an+ 'o+ %or that matter( the+ ha e no ri#ht to $"sh their a#enda on98 0It7s not like that(8 I tell her( c"ttin# in 'e%ore this #ets an+ more em'arrassin# than it alread+ has, 0!amen7s not like that, Me7s a $er%ect #entleman( an ideal 'o+%riend, Serio"sl+( Sa'ine( +o"7re wa+ o%% co"rse, J"st tr"st me on this one( oka+>8 She looks at me %or a moment( cris$ oran#e a"ra wa erin#( wantin# to 'elie e( "ns"re i% she sho"ld, Then she $icks "$ her 'rie%case and heads %or the door( sto$$in# )"st sh+ o% it when she sa+s( 0I was thinkin#98 I look at her( tem$ted to $eek at her tho"#hts( des$ite m+ ow to ne er intentionall+ 'reach her $ri ac+ like that9"nless it7s an emer#enc+ o% co"rse( which this clearl+ is not, 0Since school7s lettin# o"t soon( and since I ha en7t heard +o" mention an+ s"mmer $lans( I tho"#ht it mi#ht 'e #ood %or +o" to %ind a )o'( s$end a %ew ho"rs each da+ workin# at somethin#, 5hat do +o" think>8 5hat do I think> I #a$e( e+es '"##in#( mo"th dr+( at a com$lete loss %or words, 5ell( I think I sho"ld7 e $eered into +o"r head a%ter all( 'eca"se clearl+ this does 3"ali%+ as a ma)or distress call4 0.othin# %"ll time or an+thin# like that, There7ll 'e $lent+ o% time %or the 'each and +o"r %riends, I )"st tho"#ht it wo"ld 'e #ood %or +o" to98 0Is this a'o"t mone+>8 M+ mind reelin#( des$erate to %ind a wa+ o"t, I% it7s a sim$le matter o% $itchin# in %or the mort#a#e and #roceries( then I7ll #ladl+ come "$ with whate er she needs, Meck( she can e en take whate er7s le%t o% m+ $arent7s li%e ins"rance $olic+ %or all I care, B"t what she can7t ha e is m+ s"mmer, Unh*"h, .o wa+, .ot e en a da+, 0E er( o% co"rse it7s not a'o"t mone+,8 She a erts her #a2e as her cheeks %l"sh so%t $ink, =ddl+ a erse to disc"ssin# all thin#s %inancial %or someone who makes a li in# as a cor$orate liti#ator, 0I )"st tho"#ht it mi#ht 'e #ood %or +o" to( +o" know( meet some new $eo$le( learn somethin# new, Cet o"t o% +o"r "s"al en ironment %or a %ew ho"rs each da+( and98 And #et awa+ %rom !amen, .ot needin# to read her tho"#hts to know what this is reall+ a'o"t, .ow that she knows we7re 'ack to#ether she7s more determined than e er to 'reak "s a$art, And while I #et how concerned she was '+ all the moodiness and de$ression I s"')ected her to when we were a$art( this time she7s #ot it all wron#, It7s not like she thinks, Tho"#h I7 e no idea how to e1$lain that to her and still kee$ m+ secrets intact, 09and as it so ha$$ens( a s"mmer internshi$ )"st o$ened "$ at the %irm( and I7m s"re it7s )"st a matter o% s$eakin# with the senior $artners and the )o' will 'e +o"rs,8 She smiles( %ace radiant( e+es 'ri#ht( e1$ectin# me to )oin the cele'ration as well, 0B"t aren7t those $ositions "s"all+ reser ed %or law st"dents>8 I ask( s"re I7m $atheticall+ "nder3"ali%ied to %ill those $artic"lar shoes, B"t she )"st shakes her head, 0It7s not that t+$e o% internshi$, This is more o% a %ilin# and $hone answerin# assi#nment, And there7s reall+ no mone+ in it

either( tho"#h +o" will #et school credit and a small end o% the season 'on"s, I )"st tho"#ht it mi#ht do +o" some #ood, .ot to mention how it will reall+ 'ee% "$ those colle#e a$$lications o% +o"rs,8 :olle#e, Yet another thin# I "sed to o'sess a'o"t '"t not an+more, I mean( what $ossi'le "se co"ld I ha e %or all o% those classes and $ro%essors when all I ha e to do is $lace m+ hand on a 'ook or $eek inside m+ teacher7s head to know all the answers> 0I7d hate %or an+one else to #et in there when I know +o"7re )"st $er%ect %or the )o',8 I stare at her( "ns"re what to sa+, 0It7s #ood e1$erience %or a $erson +o"r a#e(8 she adds( her indi#nant tone a res"lt o% m+ silence, 0It7s recommended in all the 'ooks, The+ sa+ it '"ilds character( commitment( and the disci$line to show "$ on time and #et the )o' done,8 Creat, So I ha e !r, -hil to thank %or r"inin# m+ s"mmer, :om$letel+ anno+ed with Sa'ine "ntil I remem'er how she was when I %irst #ot here9calm( rela1ed( and com$letel+ laid 'ack( allowin# me all the s$ace and %reedom I needed, It7s m+ %a"lt she chan#ed, M+ s"s$ension( m+ re%"sal to in#est an+thin# other than the red eli1ir( and all the drama with !amen is what sent her o er the ed#e, And this is where it led9to the dreaded s"mmer internshi$ she7s 'ent on sec"rin# %or me, B"t no wa+ can I s$end the s"mmer )"##lin# a mo"ntain o% %iles and incessantl+ rin#in# $hones when I7m #oin# to need all the %ree time I can #et to %ind an antidote %or !amen, And workin# in Sa'ine7s o%%ice( with her and her collea#"es snoo$in# o er m+ sho"lder( )"st will not do, Tho"#h it7s not like I can sa+ that o"tri#ht, It7ll set o%% her alarms, I need to $la+ it cool( let her know that while I7 e nothin# a#ainst disci$line and character '"ildin#( I $re%er to tackle those thin#s on m+ own, 0I7m totall+ cool with workin#(8 I sa+( tr+in# not to $ress m+ li$s to#ether( %id#et( or 'reak e+e contact( three de%inite #i eawa+s that I7m not 'ein# entirel+ honest, 0B"t since +o" do so m"ch %or me alread+( I7d %eel a lot 'etter i% I co"ld %ind m+ own )o', I mean( I7m )"st not s"re I7m c"t o"t %or o%%ice work( so ma+'e I co"ld look aro"nd a little, See what m+ o$tions are, I7ll e en $itch in with the mort#a#e and %ood, It7s the least I can do,8 05hat %ood>8 She la"#hs( shakin# her head, 0Yo" 'arel+ eat4 Besides( I don7t want +o"r mone+( E er, Tho"#h I will hel$ +o" esta'lish a line o% credit i% +o"7d like,8 0S"re,8 I shr"#( %orcin# an enth"siasm I don7t reall+ %eel since I7 e a'sol"tel+ no need %or s"ch con entional thin#s, 0That wo"ld 'e #reat48 I add( knowin# that the lon#er I can kee$ her mind o%% this internshi$( the 'etter %or me, 0=ka+ then,8 She dr"ms her %in#ers a#ainst the door)am' as she %inali2es her $lan, 0Yo"7 e #ot one week to %ind somethin# on +o"r own,8 I #"l$( tr+in# to kee$ the e+e '"##in# to a minim"m, =ne week> 5hat kind o% a head start is that when I don7t e en know where to 'e#in> I7 e ne er had a )o' 'e%ore, Is it $ossi'le to )"st mani%est one> 0I know it7s not m"ch time(8 she sa+s( readin# m+ %ace, 0B"t I7d hate %or them to %ill the $osition when I know +o"7d 'e $er%ect,8 She heads into the hall and closes the door 'etween "s( lea in# me sideswi$ed( d"m'str"ck( starin# at the %lickerin# remnants o% her oran#e+ a"ra( her ma#netic ener#+ %ield( ho erin# insistentl+ in the s$ace where she stood, Thinkin# how ironic it is that I was )"st makin# %"n o% !amen %or ass"min# he co"ld land a )o' witho"t an+ e1$erience onl+ to %ind m+sel% %acin# the same e1act %ate,

ele en

I toss and t"rn all ni#ht, Bed a tan#led mess o% sweat*dam$ened $illows and 'lankets( 'od+ and mind e1ha"sted '+ dreams, 5akin# 'rie%l+( #as$in# %or air( onl+ to 'e $"lled "nder a#ain( ret"rnin# to the er+ same $lace I %o"#ht to esca$e, And the onl+ reason I want it to sto$ is 'eca"se Rile+ is there, Ha"#hin# ha$$il+ as she #ra's hold o% m+ hand( takin# me on a to"r o% a er+ stran#e land, B"t e en tho"#h I ski$ ri#ht alon#side her( $retendin# to en)o+ the tri$ too( the moment she t"rns her 'ack( I scram'le %or the s"r%ace( ea#er to remo e m+sel% %rom this scene, Beca"se the tr"th is( it7s not reall+ Rile+, Rile+ is #one, Ma in# crossed the 'rid#e at m+ "r#in#( mo in# on to some "nknown $lace, And e en tho"#h she kee$s +ankin# me 'ack( +ellin# at me to $a+ attention( to )"st tr"st her and sto$ r"nnin#9I re%"se to o'e+, S"re that it7s some kind o% $"nishment %or harmin# !amen( sendin# !rina to the Shadowland( and $"ttin# e er+thin# I care a'o"t at risk9allowin# m+ s"'conscio"s to $rod"ce these #"ilt*ind"ced ima#es( so s"#ar*coated with ha$$iness( there7s no wa+ the+7re real, B"t this last time( )"st as I7m a'o"t to r"n( Rile+ a$$ears ri#ht 'e%ore me( 'lockin# m+ e1it( and +ellin# at me to sta+ $"t, Standin# 'e%ore a lar#e sta#e and slowl+ drawin# the dra$es( re ealin# a tall( narrow( rectan#"lar c"'e9like a $rison o% #lass9containin# a des$erate and str"##lin# !amen inside, I r"sh to his aid as Rile+ looks on( $leadin# with him to han# in there while I hel$ him 'reak %ree, B"t he can7t e en hear me, :an7t e en see me, J"st contin"es to %i#ht "ntil so o ercome with e1ha"stion( with the a'sol"te %"tilit+( he closes his e+es and %ades strai#ht into the a'+ss, The Shadowland, The home %or lost so"ls, I 'olt %rom m+ 'ed( 'od+ shakin#( chilled( drenched with sweat( standin# in the center o% m+ room with a $illow cl"tched to m+ chest, = ercome not onl+ '+ the %eelin# o% "tter de%eat( '"t '+ the horri'le messa#e m+ ima#ined sister has sent9tellin# me that no matter how hard I tr+( I can7t sa e m+ so"l mate %rom me, I r"n %or m+ closet( chan#in# into some clothes 'e%ore #ra''in# some sneakers and headin# %or the #ara#e, Gnowin# it7s too earl+ to #o to school( too earl+ to #o an+where, B"t I re%"se to #i e "$, Re%"se to 'elie e in ni#htmares, I ha e to start somewhere, Ma e to "se what I #ot, B"t )"st as I7m a'o"t to clim' into m+ car( I think 'etter, Reali2in# the whole $rocess o% o$enin# the #ara#e door and startin# the en#ine will risk wakin# Sa'ine, And e en tho"#h I can easil+ ste$ o"tside and mani%est another car( 'ike( Bes$a( or whate er else I mi#ht want( I decide to tr+ r"nnin# instead, I7 e ne er 'een m"ch o% a r"nner, ?ar more "sed to dra##in# m+ %eet thro"#h e er+ %orced la$ in -,E, than stri in# %or an+ sort o% $ersonal 'est, B"t that was 'e%ore I 'ecame immortal, Be%ore I was #i%ted with incredi'le s$eed, A s$eed I ha en7t e en 'e#"n to test the limits o%( since the last time I ran was the %irst time I reali2ed I e en had the $otential, B"t now that I7m %aced with the $er%ect o$$ort"nit+ to see )"st how %ar and %ast I can #o 'e%ore sto$$in#( dro$$in#( or cr"m'lin# to the #ro"nd with a de'ilitatin# case o% side cram$s( I can7t wait to tr+ it o"t, I sli$ o"t the side door and head %or the street, At %irst thinkin# I sho"ld warm "$( start o%% in a nice slow )o# 'e%ore hittin# the as$halt at %"ll throttle, B"t no sooner ha e I started than a ma)or s"r#e o% adrenaline kicks in( co"rsin# thro"#h m+ 'od+ like the hi#hest*#rade rocket %"el, And the ne1t thin# I know( it7s %"ll s$eed ahead, R"nnin# so %ast m+ nei#h'or7s ho"ses are red"ced to a is"al 'l"r o% st"cco and stone, J"m$in# %allen trash cans and dod#in# $oorl+ $arked cars( as I race %rom street to street with the #race and a#ilit+ o% a )"n#le cat, Ma in# irt"all+ no awareness o% m+ le#s or m+ %eet( )"st tr"stin# the+ won7t %ail me, That the+7ll #et me to m+ destination in mirac"lo"s time, And no more than a %ew seconds ha e $assed when I7m standin# 'e%ore it( the one $lace I swore I7d ne er ret"rn to( $re$ared to do the one thin# I $romised !amen I wo"ldn7t9a$$roachin# Roman7s door( ho$in# to 'roker some kind o% deal, B"t 'e%ore I can e en raise m+ hand to knock( Roman is there, :lad in a dee$ $"r$le ro'e o er 'l"e silk $a)amas( his matchin# el et sli$$ers with em'roidered #olden %o1es $eekin# o"t %rom the hem, Mis #a2e sleek( narrowed( lookin# me o er witho"t a trace o% s"r$rise, 0E er,8 Me cocks his head to the side( allowin# %or an "no'str"cted iew o% his %lashin# ="ro'oros tattoo, 05hat 'rin#s +o" to the nei#h'orhood>8 M+ %in#ers $la+ at the am"let )"st "nder m+ shirt( heart racin# 'eneath it( ho$in# !amen7s ri#ht( that it7ll $ro ide the necessar+ $rotection9sho"ld it come to that, 05e need to talk(8 I sa+( tr+in# not to crin#e as his e+es sail o er me( en)o+in# a nice( lon#( leis"rel+ cr"ise, Me s3"ints into the ni#ht( then 'ack at me, 0!o we>8 Me li%ts his 'row, 0And here I had no idea,8 I start to roll m+ e+es( '"t remem'erin# m+ $"r$ose %or comin# here( I settle %or $ressin# m+ li$s to#ether instead, 0Reco#ni2e the door>8 Me ra$s his kn"ckles hard a#ainst the wood( elicitin# a nice solid th"m$( as I wonder what he co"ld $ossi'l+ 'e "$ to, 0=% co"rse +o" don7t(8 he sa+s( li$s 3"irkin# at the sides, 0That7s 'eca"se it7s new, I was %orced to re$lace the old one a%ter +o"r last isit, Yo" remem'er> 5hen +o" '"sted +o"r wa+ in so +o" co"ld toss m+ s"$$l+ o% eli1ir down the drain>8 Me la"#hs and shakes his head, 0Ber+ na"#ht+ o% +o"( E er, And 3"ite a mess I m"st sa+, I ho$e +o"7ll mana#e to 'eha e 'etter toda+,8 Me leans a#ainst the door %rame and wa es me in( #a2in# at me in a wa+ so dee$( so intimate( it7s all I can do not to s3"irm, I head down the hall and into the den( noticin# how the door isn7t the onl+ thin# that7s chan#ed since I was last here, Cone are the %ramed Botticelli $rints and a'"ndance o% chint2( all o% it re$laced '+ mar'le and stone( dark hea + %a'rics( ro"#h $lastered walls( and 'lack iron thin#s sha$ed into scrolls, 0T"scan>8 I t"rn( startled to %ind him standin# so near I can see the indi id"al dark $"r$le %lecks in his e+es, Me shr"#s( re%"sin# to 'ack "$ and #i e me some s$ace, 0Sometimes I #et a little hankerin# %or the old co"ntr+,8 Me smiles( a slow widenin# o% his cheeks( dis$la+in# shin+ white teeth, 0As +o" well know( E er( there7s no $lace like home,8 I swallow hard and t"rn awa+( tr+in# to determine m+ 3"ickest esca$e since I can7t a%%ord to make e en the sli#htest mistake, 0So tell me( to what do I owe this ma#ni%icent honor>8 Me #lances o er his sho"lder as he heads %or the 'ar, Remo in# a 'ottle o% eli1ir %rom the wine re%ri#erator and $o"rin# it into a c"t cr+stal #lass( 'e%ore o%%erin# it to me, B"t I )"st shake m+ head and wa e it awa+( watchin# as he carries it o er to the co"ch where he $lo$s himsel% down( s$reads his le#s wide( and rests the #lass on his knee, 0I7m ass"min# +o" didn7t dro$ '+ in the dead o% ni#ht to admire m+ latest decoratin# scheme, So tell me( what7s the $"r$ose o% this>8 I clear m+ throat( %orcin# m+sel% to look him s3"are in the e+e witho"t %linchin#( wa erin#( %id#etin#( or e1hi'itin# an+ other si#n o% weakness, Aware o% how this whole sit"ation can chan#e in an instant9how easil+ I can t"rn %rom mild c"riosit+ to irresisti'le $re+, 0I7m here to call a tr"ce(8 I sa+( alert %or some kind o% reaction '"t #ettin# onl+ his $enetratin# #a2e, 0Yo" know( a cease*%ire( a $roclamation o% $eace( a 98 0-lease,8 Me wa es his hand, 0S$are me the de%inition( l" , I can sa+ it in twent+ lan#"a#es and %ort+ dialects, Yo">8 I shr"#( knowin# I7m l"ck+ to ha e said it in the one, 5atchin# as he swirls his drink( the iridescent red li3"id %lashin# and s$arkin# as it r"ns "$ the sides and s$lashes 'ack down, 0And )"st what sort o% tr"ce are +o" a%ter> Yo" o% all $eo$le sho"ld know how it works, I7 e no intention o% #i in# +o" an+thin#( "nless +o"7re willin# to #i e "$ somethin# o% +o"r own,8 Me $ats the narrow s$ace )"st 'eside him( smilin# as tho"#h I7d act"all+ consider )oinin# him there, 05h+ do +o" do this>8 I ask( "na'le to contain m+ %r"stration, 0I mean( +o"7re more or less decent lookin#( +o"7re immortal( +o"7 e #ot all the #i%ts that #o with it9+o" can $rett+ m"ch ha e an+one +o" want( so wh+ do +o" insist on 'otherin# me>8 Me throws his head 'ack and la"#hs( a #iant roar that %ills "$ the room, ?inall+ calmin# down eno"#h to le el his #a2e( lookin# at me as he sa+s(

0!ecent lookin#>8 Me shakes his head and la"#hs a#ain( $lacin# his #lass on the ta'le and retrie in# a $air o% #olden nail cli$$ers %rom a )ewel* encr"sted case, 0!ecent lookin#(8 he m"tters( shakin# his head( takin# a moment to check o"t his nails( 'e%ore ret"rnin# his %oc"s to me, 0B"t +o" see( l" ( that7s )"st it, I can ha e an+thin# I want, An+thin# or an+one, It all comes so eas+, Too eas+,8 Me si#hs( #ettin# to work on his nails( so a'sor'ed '+ the task( I7m wonderin# i% he7ll contin"e when he sa+s( 0It all #ets a little tedio"s a%ter the %irst9oh9h"ndred or so +ears, And while +o"7re %ar too new to "nderstand an+ o% this( someda+ +o"7ll reali2e )"st how 'i# o% a %a or I7 e done +o",8 I s3"int( ha in# no idea what he co"ld $ossi'l+ mean, A %a or> Is he serio"s> 0Yo" s"re +o" won7t ha e a seat>8 Me wa#s his nail cli$$er toward the o erst"%%ed chair )"st to m+ ri#ht( "r#in# me to take it, 0Yo"7re makin# me o"t to 'e a er+ 'ad host( insistin# on standin# there like that, Besides( do +o" ha e an+ idea how %etchin# +o" look> A little9 'edridden9s"re( '"t in the se1iest wa+,8 Me narrows his e+es "ntil the+7re sleek as a cat7s( li$s $artin# )"st eno"#h %or his ton#"e to esca$e, B"t I )"st sta+ $"t and $retend not to notice, E er+thin# with Roman is a #ame( and takin# a seat wo"ld 'e concedin# de%eat, Tho"#h remainin# like this( watchin# his ton#"e wet his li$s as his #a2e lin#ers in all the wron# $laces( doesn7t %eel like m"ch o% a win, 0Yo"7re e en more del"sional than I tho"#ht i% +o" think +o"7 e done me a %a or(8 I sa+( oice hoarse( scratch+( a lon# wa+ %rom stron#, 0Yo"7re cra2+48 I add( re#rettin# it the instant it7s o"t, B"t Roman )"st shr"#s( "n%a2ed '+ m+ o"t'"rst as he ret"rns to his nails, 0Tr"st me( it7s more than )"st a %a or( l" , I7 e #i en +o" a $"r$ose, A raison d7Wtre as the+ sa+,8 Me #lances at me( 'row raised, 0Tell me( E er( are +o" not com$letel+ %i1ated on %indin# a wa+ to9 cons"mmate9with !amen> Are +o" not so des$erate %or a sol"tion +o" act"all+ con inced +o"rsel% it was a #ood idea to come here>8 I swallow hard and stare at him, I sho"ld7 e known 'etter( sho"ld7 e heeded !amen7s ad ice, 0Yo"7re too im$atient,8 Me nods( smoothin# the ed#es o% his %reshl+ cli$$ed nails, 05hat7s the r"sh when +o" ha e all o% in%init+ laid o"t 'e%ore +o"> Think a'o"t it( E er( how e1actl+ wo"ld +o" s$end +o"r eternit+ i% it weren7t %or me> Showerin# each other with h"#e 'o"3"ets o% 'lood+ red t"li$s> Ma in# at each other so o%ten it co"ldn7t hel$ '"t #row 'orin#>8 0This is ridic"lo"s,8 I #lare, 0And the %act that +o" see it like this9like it7s some chi alro"s deed that +o"7 e done98 I shake m+ head( knowin# there7s no need to contin"e, Me7s del"sional( insane( determined to see thin#s in his own sel%ish wa+, 0Si1 h"ndred +ears I +earned %or her(8 he sa+s( tossin# his nail cli$$ers aside( #a2e ne er once lea in# mine, 0And wh+( +o" ask> 5h+ wo"ld I 'other with the same woman %or so lon# when I can ha e an+one>8 Me looks at me as tho"#h waitin# %or the answer( '"t we 'oth know I7 e no intention o% #oin# there, 0It wasn7t )"st her 'ea"t+ like +o" think9tho"#h I will admit( it did s$"r thin#s at the start,8 Me smiles( e+es reminiscent, 0.o( it was the sim$le %act that I co"ldn7t ha e her, .o matter how hard I tried( no matter how lon# I $ined( I was ne er allowed89he looks at me( #a2e hea +( intense90admittance 9i% +o" will,8 I roll m+ e+es, I can7t hel$ it, The %act that he wasted cent"ries $inin# %or that monster is o% no interest to me, B"t he )"st contin"es( i#norin# m+ $ained e1$ression when he sa+s( 0Make no mistake( E er( I7m a'o"t to share somethin# er+ im$ortant( somethin# +o" reall+ sho"ld kee$ in mind,8 Me leans %orward( arms on knees( oice stead+ and low( %illed with new "r#enc+, 05e alwa+s want what we can7t ha e,8 Me leans 'ack( noddin# as tho"#h he )"st shared the ke+ to enli#htenment, 0It7s h"man nat"re, 5e7re hardwired that wa+, And as m"ch as +o"7d $re%er not to 'elie e it( it7s the onl+ reason !amen7s s$ent the last %o"r h"ndred +ears lon#in# %or +o",8 I look at him( %ace $lacid( 'od+ still( aware that he7s tr+in# to h"rt me( $roddin# the "s"al s$ots( knowin# this has 'een one o% m+ %ears %rom the moment I %irst learned o% o"r histor+, 0?ace it( E er( e en !rina7s incredi'le 'ea"t+ wasn7t eno"#h to kee$ his interest, I7m s"re +o"7re aware o% )"st how 3"ickl+ he tired o% her>8 I swallow hard( stomach like a hard 'itter mar'le, Since when is two h"ndred +ears considered 3"ickl+> B"t I #"ess when +o"7re dealin# with eternit+ e er+thin# is relati e, 0It7s not a 'ea"t+ contest(8 I sa+( crin#in# when I hear the words s$oken alo"d, I mean( serio"sl+( is that the 'est I co"ld do> 0=% co"rse it7s not( l" ,8 Roman shakes his head( $it+ in his #a2e, 0I% it was( !rina wo"ld win,8 Me settles 'ack( arms s$read across the c"shions( #lass restin# on to$( darin# me to res$ond, 0Het me #"ess( +o"7 e con inced +o"rsel% it7s a'o"t two so"ls meetin# as one( destined %or each other( and all o% that9$"$$+ lo e>8 Me la"#hs( noddin# when he adds( 0That is what +o"7re thinkin#( ri#ht>8 0Yo" don7t want to know what I7m thinkin#,8 I narrow m+ #a2e( determined to #et to the $oint now that m+ $atience7s dissol ed, 0I didn7t come here to 'e 'ored '+ +o"r $hiloso$hical litanies( I came here 'eca"se98 0Beca"se +o" want somethin# %rom me,8 Me nods( settin# down his drink( #lass meetin# wood with a solid( wet thwom$, 0In which case( I7m in the dri er7s seat( which means +o"7re in no $osition to set the $ace,8 05h+ do +o" do this>8 I shake m+ head( ha in# #rown 'ored with this #ame, 05h+ do +o" 'other when +o" know I7m not interested> S"rel+ +o" reali2e that no matter what +o" do to !amen and me( it7ll ne er 'rin# !rina 'ack, 5hat7s done is done, It can ne er 'e chan#ed, And( in the end( all o% this #ame $la+in#( all o% this nonsense +o" en#a#e in9all it reall+ does is $re ent +o" %rom li in# +o"r li%e9%rom mo in# on,8 I contin"e to stare( #a2e "nwa erin#( con incin#, -ro)ectin# an ima#e o% him handin# o er the antidote and coo$eratin# with me, 0So( I7m askin# +o"( in as reasona'le a wa+ as I can9$lease hel$ me "ndo what +o"7 e done to !amen( so we can all coe1ist,8 Me shakes his head( lids s3"inched ti#ht, 0Sorr+( darlin7( the $rice is set, .ow it7s )"st a matter o% whether +o"7re willin# to $a+,8 I lean a#ainst the wall( tired( de%eated( '"t not lettin# on, Gnowin# the one thin# he wants is the one thin# I7ll ne er #i e, The same old #ame !amen warned me a'o"t, 0Yo"7ll ne er ha e me( Roman, .e er( e er( %or as lon# as I98 .ot e en #ettin# to the more de#radin#( ins"ltin# $art that comes ne1t when he rises %rom the co"ch( mo in# so 3"ickl+ his 'reath hits m+ cheek lon# 'e%ore I can 'link, 0Rela1(8 he whis$ers( %ace loomin# so close I can make o"t each %lawless $ore on his skin, 0As m"ch %"n as that mi#ht 'e( $ro idin# an am"sin# di ersion at least( I7m a%raid that7s not it, I7m a%ter somethin# %ar more esoteric than a ir#inal sha#, Tho"#h( i% +o"7d like to make a #o o% it( no strin#s attached( then I ass"re +o"( darlin7( I7m certainl+ "$ %or the task,8 Me smiles( dee$ 'l"e e+es 'orin# into mine( $ro)ectin# the mo ie he $la+s in his head( the one starrin# him( and me( and a kin#*si2ed 'ed, I look awa+( 'reath comin# ra##ed( too %ast( s"mmonin# e er+ o"nce o% m+ will not to slam m+ knee in his #roin when his nose #lances m+ ear( m+ cheek( m+ neck( inhalin# m+ scent, 0I know what +o"7re #oin# thro"#h( E er(8 he m"rm"rs( li$s 'r"shin# the ti$ o% m+ ear, 0Hon#in# %or somethin# so close and +et9+o" can ne er 3"ite taste it, It7s the kind o% $ain most $eo$le will ne er e1$erience, B"t we know( don7t we> Yo" and I are )oined in that wa+,8 I "nclench m+ %ists and %i#ht to stead+ m+sel%, Gnowin# I can7t risk doin# an+thin# rash( can7t a%%ord to o erreact, 0.ot to worr+,8 Me smiles( sli$$in# )"st o"t o% m+ reach, 0Yo"7re a smart #irl, I7m s"re +o"7ll %i#"re it o"t, And i% not98 Me shr"#s, 05ell( nothin# chan#es( ri#ht> E er+thin# sta+s e1actl+ the same, Yo" and I with o"r %ates intertwined9%or all o% in%init+,8 Me sli$s down the hall( mo in# so %ast it7s a moment 'e%ore I can make o"t his %orm, Tiltin# his head and "r#in# me toward the door( $racticall+ $"shin# me onto his stoo$ when he sa+s( 0Sorr+ to c"t this so short, Tho"#h I do so with +o"r re$"tation in mind, I% !amen e er %o"nd o"t +o" were here9 well( that co"ld 'e rather tra#ic %or +o"( co"ldn7t it>8 Me smiles( all shin+ white teeth( #olden hair( tanned skin( and 'l"e e+es9the "ltimate :ali%ornia $oster 'o+ 'eckonin#9:ome li e the #ood li%e in Ha#"na Beach4 And I7m %"rio"s with m+sel%9%"rio"s %or 'ein# so st"$id9%or not listenin# to !amen9%or $"ttin# "s %"rther at risk, Mandin# Roman +et one

more thin# to lord o er m+ head, 0Sorr+ +o" didn7t #et what +o" came %or( l" (8 he $"rrs( his attention $"lled '+ a inta#e 'lack Ja#"ar that $"lls into the dri e( containin# a #or#eo"s dark*haired co"$le who head ri#ht inside, :losin# the door 'ehind them as he adds( 05hate er +o" do( steer clear o% Marco7s car on +o"r wa+ o"t( he7ll %li$ i% +o" so m"ch as sm"d#e it,8

twel e

I walk home, =r at least( that7s the direction I ori#inall+ head in, B"t somewhere alon# the wa+ I take a t"rn, And then another, And another, M+ %eet mo in# so slowl+ the+ $racticall+ dra#( knowin# there7s no need to r"n( nothin# to $ro e, !es$ite m+ stren#th and s$eed( I7m no match %or Roman, Me7s the master o% this #ame and I7m merel+ his $awn, I contin"e( dee$ into the heart o% Ha#"na( or the Billa#e( as it7s called, Too awake to #o home( too ashamed to see !amen( makin# m+ wa+ thro"#h the dark( em$t+ streets "ntil sto$$in# 'e%ore a small( well*tended cotta#e( with %lowerin# $lants %lankin# either side o% the door and a wo en welcome mat $laced )"st so( makin# it a$$ear warm( %riendl+( com$letel+ 'eni#n, =nl+ it7s not, .ot e en close, .ow it7s more like a crime scene, And "nlike the last time I was here( this time I don7t 'other knockin#, There7s no $oint, A a7s lon# #one, A%ter stealin# the eli1ir and lea in# !amen to %end %or himsel%( she has no intention o% ret"rnin#, I "nlock the door with m+ mind and ste$ in( takin# a 3"ick look aro"nd 'e%ore I mo e $ast the den and into the kitchen, S"r$rised to %ind the "s"all+ well*ordered room red"ced to an a'sol"te mess9the sink $iled hi#h with dirt+ #lasses and dishes as the trash o er%lows to the %loor, And e en tho"#h I7m s"re it7s not A a who7s done this( clearl+ someone is here, I cree$ down the hall( $eerin# into a series o% em$t+ rooms "ntil I #et to the indi#o door at the end9the one that leads to A a7s so*called sacred s$ace where she "sed to meditate and tr+ to reach the dimensions 'e+ond, =$enin# the door )"st a crack and s3"intin# into the dark( makin# o"t two slee$in# %i#"res s$rawled on the %loor, Skimmin# m+ hand alon# the wall and %r"itlessl+ searchin# %or a li#ht( 'e%ore remem'erin# m+ a'ilit+ to ill"minate the room on m+ own9onl+ to %ind the last two $eo$le I e er e1$ected to see, 0Ra+ne>8 I kneel down 'eside her( holdin# m+ 'reath as she rolls o er and o$ens one e+e, 0=h he+( E er,8 She r"'s her e+es and str"##les to sit, 0=nl+ I7m not Ra+ne( I7m Rom+, Ra+ne7s o er there,8 I #lance at her twin at the %ar side o% the room( notin# the scowl that crosses her %ace the second she reali2es it7s me, 05hat7re +o" doin# here>8 I ask( %oc"sin# on Rom+ a#ain since she7s alwa+s 'een the nicer o% the two, 05e li e here,8 She shr"#s( t"ckin# her wrinkled white shirt into her 'l"e $laid skirt as she #ets o%% the %loor, I #lance 'etween them( takin# in their $ale skin( lar#e dark e+es( and strai#ht( 'lack( sho"lder*len#th hair with the ra2or*slashed 'an#s( noticin# how the+7re 'oth still dressed in the same $ri ate school "ni%orms as the %irst da+ we met, B"t "nlike in S"mmerland where the+ alwa+s a$$ear so clean and $ristine( now the+7re $rett+ m"ch the o$$osite9sadl+ dishe eled and com$letel+ "ncared %or, 0B"t +o" can7t li e here, This is A a7s ho"se,8 I shake m+ head, The idea o% them s3"attin# here lea es me e1tremel+ "nner ed, 0Ma+'e +o" sho"ld think a'o"t #oin# home, Yo" know( 'ack to S"mmerland>8 05e can7t,8 Ra+ne $"lls on her kneesocks( makin# s"re the+7re o% e1act e3"al hei#ht( "nintentionall+ $ro idin# the onl+ real cl"e that hel$s me tell them a$art, 0Thanks to +o"( we7re st"ck here %ore er(8 she m"m'les( takin# a moment to #lare at me, I #lance at Rom+( ho$in# she7ll e1$lain, B"t she )"st shakes her head at her sister( 'e%ore lookin# at me, 0A a7s #one,8 She shr"#s, 0B"t don7t let Ra+ne #i e +o" the wron# im$ression, 5e7re 3"ite ha$$+ to see +o", 5e had a r"nnin# 'et on how soon +o"7d show,8 M+ #a2e darts 'etween them( la"#hin# ner o"sl+ as I sa+( 0=h( reall+> 5ho won>8 Ra+ne rolls her e+es and $oints at her sister, 0She did, I was s"re +o"7d a'andoned "s %or #ood,8 I $a"se( somethin# a'o"t the wa+ she )"st said that905ait( +o" mean +o" #"+s ha e 'een here this whole time>8 05e can7t #et 'ack,8 Rom+ shr"#s, 05e7 e lost o"r ma#ick,8 05ell( I7m s"re I can hel$ +o" ret"rn, I mean( +o" do want to ret"rn9ri#ht>8 I look at them( seein# Ra+ne smirk as Rom+ )"st nods, Gnowin# this7ll 'e a lot easier than the+ think since all I ha e to do is make the $ortal( #et them settled( then sa+ m+ #ood*'+es and make the ret"rn tri$ 'ack to Ha#"na alone, 05e7d like that er+ m"ch(8 Rom+ sa+s, 0And we7d like to lea e now(8 Ra+ne adds( e+es narrowed, 0A%ter all( it7s the er+ least +o" can do,8 I swallow hard, I deser e that( '"t I still wonder who7s more des$erate %or them to lea e( them or me> I motion toward Ra+ne as I head %or the %"ton( wonderin# wh+ neither o% them tho"#ht to slee$ on it instead o% the %loor, 0:ome(8 I sa+( #lancin# o er m+ sho"lder, 0Yo" sit here on m+ ri#ht( and Rom+( +o" sit here,8 I $at the l"m$+ c"shion, 0.ow #ra' m+ hands and close +o"r e+es( then %oc"s on seein# the $ortal with all o% +o"r mi#ht, En isionin# that #olden shimmer o% li#ht as tho"#h it7s 'e%ore +o", And as soon as the ima#e is clear( I want +o" to see +o"rsel% ste$$in# ri#ht thro"#h( knowin# I7m ri#ht there 'eside +o"( kee$in# +o" sa%e, =ka+>8 I $eek at them( seein# them nod 'e%ore we #o thro"#h the motions( re*creatin# all the ri#ht ste$s, B"t )"st as I ste$ thro"#h the li#ht and into that ast %ra#rant %ield( I o$en m+ e+es and %ind I7m alone, 0Told +o"(8 Ra+ne sa+s( the second I ret"rn, Standin# 'e%ore me( e+es an#r+( acc"sin#( small( $ale hands cl"tchin# her $laid skirted hi$s, 0Told +o" o"r ma#ick is #one, 5e7re st"ck here now with no wa+ to #et 'ack, And it7s all 'eca"se we tried to hel$ +o"48 0Ra+ne48 Rom+ shakes her head at her sister( then #lances at me with an a$olo#etic look on her %ace, 05ell( it7s tr"e48 Ra+ne scowls, 0I told +o" we sho"ldn7t risk it, I told +o" she wo"ldn7t listen, I saw it clear as da+, The o erwhelmin# $ossi'ilit+ she7d make the wron# choice9which( I mi#ht add( she did48 She shakes her head and %rowns, 0It went e1actl+ as $redicted, And now we7re the ones $a+in# the $rice,8 =h( +o"7re not the onl+ ones( I think, Mo$in# the+7 e lost their a'ilit+ to read minds as well( since I7m immediatel+ shamed '+ the tho"#ht, .o matter how m"ch she7s anno+in# me( I know she7s ri#ht, 0Histen(8 I sa+( swallowin# hard as I #lance 'etween them( needin# to de%"se this, 0I know how 'ad +o" want to #et 'ack, Tr"st me( I do, And I7m #oin# to do e er+thin# I can to hel$ +o",8 I nod( seein# them #lance at each other( two identical %aces marred '+ com$lete dis'elie%, 0I mean( I7m not e1actl+ s"re how I7m #oin# to do it( '"t )"st tr"st that I will, I7ll do e er+thin# I can to hel$ +o" #et 'ack, And in the meantime( I7ll do e er+thin# I can to kee$ +o" 'oth com%orta'le and sa%e, Sco"t7s honor, =ka+>8 Ra+ne looks at me( rollin# her e+es and hea in# a si#h, 0J"st #et "s 'ack to S"mmerland(8 she sa+s( arms crossin# her chest, 0That7s all we want, .othin# short o% that will do,8 I nod( re%"sin# to let her #et to me when I sa+( 0Understood, B"t i% I7m #oin# to hel$ +o"( I7ll need +o" to answer some 3"estions,8 The+ look at each other( Ra+ne7s #a2e si#nalin# a silent: .o wa+( as Rom+ t"rns( noddin# at me as she sa+s( 0=ka+,8 And e en tho"#h I7m not 3"ite s"re how to $hrase it( it7s somethin# I7 e 'een wonderin# %or a while now( so I )"st di e in, 0I7m sorr+ i% this o%% ends +o"( '"t I need to know9are +o" #"+s dead>8 I hold m+ 'reath( %"ll+ e1$ectin# them to 'e mad( or at the er+ least ins"lted9$rett+ m"ch an+ reaction '"t the la"#hter I #et, 5atchin# as the+ %all all o er themsel es( Ra+ne do"'led o er( sla$$in# her knee( as Rom+ rolls o%% the %"ton( $racticall+ con "lsin#, 05ell( +o" can7t 'lame me %or askin#,8 I %rown( de%initel+ the one who7s ins"lted, 0I mean( we did meet in S"mmerland where $lent+ o% dead $eo$le han# o"t, .ot to mention how +o"7re 'oth "nnat"rall+ $ale,8 Ra+ne leans a#ainst the wall( %"ll+ reco ered %rom her la"#hin# %it and smirkin# at me, 0So we7re $ale, Bi# deal,8 She #lances at her sister( then 'ack at me, 0It7s not like +o"7re e1actl+ rockin7 a tan, And +et( +o" don7t see "s ass"min# +o"7re a mem'er o% the dearl+ de$arted,8 I wince( knowin# it7s tr"e( '"t still, 0Yeah( well( +o" had an "n%air ad anta#e, Thanks to Rile+ +o" knew all a'o"t me lon# 'e%ore we met, Yo" knew

e1actl+ who I am and what I am( and i% I ha e an+ ho$e o% hel$in# +o"( then I7m #onna ha e to know a %ew thin#s too, So as m"ch as +o" ma+ resent it( as m"ch as +o" ma+ want to resist( the onl+ wa+ we7re #onna #et an+where is i% +o" tell me +o"r stor+,8 0.e er(8 Ra+ne sa+s( starin# at her sister( warnin# her not to re'el, B"t Rom+ i#nores her and t"rns ri#ht to me, 05e7re not dead, .ot e en close, 5e7re more like9re%"#ees, Re%"#ees %rom the $ast( i% +o" will,8 I #lance 'etween them( thinkin# all I ha e to do is lower m+ #"ard( %oc"s m+ 3"ant"m remote( and to"ch them %or their entire li%e stor+ to 'e re ealed( '"t %i#"rin# I sho"ld at least tr+ to #et their ersion %irst, 0A lon# time a#o(8 she starts( $eerin# at her disa$$ro in# sister 'e%ore takin# a dee$ 'reath and %or#in# ahead, 0A er+ lon# time a#o( in %act( we were %acin# a98 She s3"inches her 'row( searchin# %or )"st the ri#ht word( noddin# at me when she sa+s( 05ell( let7s )"st sa+ we were a'o"t to 'ecome ictims o% a terri'l+ dark e ent( one o% the most shame%"l times in o"r histor+( '"t we esca$ed '+ %leein# to S"mmerland, And then( well( I #"ess we lost track o% time and we7 e 'een there e er since, =r at least "ntil last week when we came to hel$ +o",8 Ra+ne #roans( dro$$in# to the %loor and '"r+in# her %ace in her hands( '"t Rom+ )"st i#nores her( still lookin# at me when she sa+s( 0B"t now o"r worst %ear has come tr"e, ="r ma#ick is #one( we7 e nowhere to #o( and no idea how to s"r i e in this $lace,8 05hat sort o% $ersec"tion did +o" %lee>8 I ask( watchin# her closel+( searchin# %or cl"es, 0And how lon# a#o is er+ lon# a#o> J"st what are we dealin# with here>8 5onderin# i% their histor+ stretches as %ar 'ack as !amen7s( or i% the+ 'elon# to a more recent $ast, The+ #a2e at each other( comm"nicatin# a wordless a#reement that sh"ts me ri#ht o"t, So I mo e toward Rom+( #ras$in# her hand so 3"ickl+ she has no time to react, Immediatel+ $"lled into her mind9her world9seein# the stor+ "n%old as tho"#h I7m ri#ht there, Standin# on the sidelines( an "nnoticed o'ser er( %"ll+ immersed in the chaos and %ear o% that da+( witness to ima#es so horri'le I7m tem$ted to t"rn awa+, 5atchin# as an an#r+ mo' swarms their home( oices raised9torches hi#h9their a"nt 'arrin# the door as 'est she can( makin# the $ortal and "r#in# the twins toward the sa%et+ o% S"mmerland, J"st a'o"t to ste$ thro"#h the $ortal and )oin them when the door #i es wa+ and the twins disa$$ear, Se$arated %rom e er+thin# the+ once knew( ha in# no idea what 'ecame o% their a"nt "ntil a isit to the Creat Malls o% Hearnin# showed them the tort"ro"s trial o% %alse acc"sations she was %orced to end"re, Re%"sin# to con%ess to an+ kind o% sorcer+( ha in# taken the 5iccan Rede o% 0An it harm none( do what +e will(8 and knowin# she7d done nothin# wron#( she re'"%%ed her o$$ressor and held her head hi#h9all the wa+ to the #allows where she was 'r"tall+ h"n#, I sta##er 'ack( %in#ers seekin# the am"let )"st "nder m+ tee( somethin# a'o"t their a"nt7s #a2e so eeril+ %amiliar( lea in# me shak+( "nsettled( remindin# m+sel% that I7m sa%e( the+7re sa%e9that thin#s like that don7t ha$$en these da+s, 0So now +o" know,8 Rom+ shr"#s as Ra+ne shakes her head, 0="r whole stor+, E er+thin# a'o"t "s, !o +o" 'lame "s %or choosin# to hide>8 I #lance 'etween them( "ns"re what to sa+, 0I98 I clear m+ throat and start o er, 0I7m so sorr+, I had no idea,8 I #lance at Ra+ne( seein# how she re%"ses to look at me( then o er at Rom+ who solemnl+ 'ows her head, 0I had no idea +o" #"+s esca$ed the Salem 5itch Trials,8 0.ot e1actl+(8 Ra+ne sa+s( 'e%ore Rom+ chimes in, 05hat she means is we were ne er tried, ="r a"nt stood acc"sed, =ne da+ she was re ered as the most so"#ht*a%ter midwi%e( and the ne1t( she was ro"nded "$ and taken awa+,8 She s"cks in her 'reath( e+es wellin# "$ as tho"#h it were +esterda+, 05e wo"ld7 e #one with her( we had nothin# to hide(8 Ra+ne sa+s( li%tin# her chin and narrowin# her #a2e, 0And it certainl+ wasn7t :lara7s %a"lt that $oor 'a'+ died, It7s the %ather who did it, Me didn7t want the 'a'+ or its mother, So he did awa+ with them 'oth and 'lamed :lara, :r+in# witch so lo"d the entire town heard9'"t then :lara made the $ortal( and %orced "s to hide( and she was )"st a'o"t to )oin "s when9well( +o" know the rest,8 0B"t that was o er three h"ndred +ears a#o48 I cr+( still "n"sed to the idea o% an e1istence that lon# des$ite m+ immortalit+, The twins shr"#, 0So i% +o" ha en7t 'een 'ack since98 I shake m+ head( the mon"mental si2e o% this $ro'lem )"st 'e#innin# to "n%old, 0I mean( do +o" ha e an+ idea how m"ch thin#s ha e chan#ed since +o" were last here> Serio"sl+, It7s like a whole di%%erent world %rom the one that +o" le%t,8 0It7s not like we7re idiots,8 Ra+ne shakes her head, 0Thin#s $ro#ress in S"mmerland too( +o" know, .ew $eo$le arri e all the time( mani%estin# the thin#s the+7re attached to( all the st"%% the+ can7t 'ear to let #o,8 B"t that7s not what I meant( in %act( not e en close, I wasn7t )"st re%errin# to cars ers"s horse*drawn carria#es( and trend+ 'o"ti3"es ers"s hand sewn 9'"t more their a'ilit+ to #et alon# in the world9'lendin# in( ada$tin#( not standin# o"t in the #larin# wa+ that the+ do4 Takin# in their ra2or*slashed 'an#s( their lar#e dark e+es and e1tremel+ $ale skin( knowin# their twent+*%irst*cent"r+ make o er is %ar less a'o"t a "ni%orm chan#e than a com$lete and total o erha"l, 0Besides( Rile+ $re$ared "s(8 Rom+ sa+s( elicitin# a lo"d #roan %rom Ra+ne( and m+ %"ll attention %rom me, 0She mani%ested a $ri ate school and con inced "s to enroll, That7s where these "ni%orms came %rom, She was o"r teacher( coachin# "s on all the modern wa+s( incl"din# o"r s$eech, She wanted "s to ret"rn and was determined to $re$are "s %or the tri$, -artl+ 'eca"se she wanted "s to look a%ter +o"( and $artl+ 'eca"se she tho"#ht we were cra2+ %or missin# o"t on o"r teens,8 I %ree2e( s"ddenl+ #ras$in# a new "nderstandin# in Rile+7s interest in them9one that7s #ot %ar less to do with me( and e er+thin# to do with her, 0Mow old are +o" #"+s>8 I whis$er( lookin# to Rom+ %or the answer, 0=r sho"ld I sa+( how old were +o" when +o" %irst arri ed in S"mmerland>8 Gnowin# the+ ha en7t a#ed a da+ since, 0Thirteen(8 Rom+ sa+s( knittin# her 'row, 05h+>8 I close m+ e+es and shake m+ head( sti%lin# a la"#h as I think: I knew it4 Rile+ alwa+s dreamed o% the da+ she7d 'e thirteen( a 'ona %ide teena#er ha in# %inall+ made it to the im$ortant do"'le di#its, B"t a%ter d+in# at twel e( she chose to han# aro"nd the earth $lane( li in# her adolescence icario"sl+ thro"#h me, So it onl+ makes sense she7d tr+ to con ince Rom+ and Ra+ne to ret"rn( not wantin# an+one else to miss o"t like her, And i% :lara can %ind the stren#th( and Rile+ the ho$e( in sit"ations so incredi'l+ dire and 'leak( s"rel+ I can o ercome Roman, I #lance 'etween the twins( knowin# the+ can7t sta+ here on their own or come home to li e with Sa'ine and me( tho"#h there is someone who7s 3"ite a'le and read+( i% not entirel+ willin# to lend "s a hand, 0Cra' +o"r st"%%(8 I sa+( headin# %or the door, 0I7m takin# +o" to +o"r new home,8

thirteen

The second we ste$ o"tside I reali2e we7ll need a car, And since I7m more interested in s$eed than com%ort( es$eciall+ a%ter seein# the wa+ the twins clin# to each other as the+ #a2e aro"nd waril+( I mani%est somethin# that7ll #et "s there %ast and 3"ickl+ herd them in, =rderin# Rom+ to sit on Ra+ne7s la$ as I #et m+sel% settled and ste$ on the #as( na i#atin# the streets with s"r$risin# skill( while the twins $racticall+ han# o"t the window( #a$in# at all that we $ass, 0Ma e +o" #"+s 'een inside this whole time>8 I #lance at them( ne er ha in# seen an+one react to the 'ea"t+ o% Ha#"na Beach in 3"ite the same wa+, The+ nod( ne er once a ertin# their #a2e, S3"irmin# in their seat as I $"ll "$ to the #ate, Allowin# the "ni%ormed #"ard to $eer thro"#h the window and scr"tini2e them( 'e%ore lettin# "s in, 05here are +o" takin# "s>8 Ra+ne e+es me s"s$icio"sl+, 05hat7s with the #"ards and 'i# #ates> Is this some kind o% $rison>8 I head "$ the hill( #lancin# at her when I sa+( 0!on7t +o" ha e #ated comm"nities in S"mmerland>8 .e er act"all+ ha in# seen one m+sel%( '"t then a#ain I ha en7t li ed there %or the last three cent"ries like the+ ha e, The+ shake their heads( e+es wide( clearl+ on ed#e, 0.ot to worr+,8 I t"rn onto !amen7s street and into his dri e, 0It7s not a $rison( that7s not what the #ates are %or, The+7re more to kee$ $eo$le o"t rather than in,8 0B"t wh+ wo"ld +o" want to kee$ $eo$le o"t>8 the+ ask( two childlike oices 'lendin# into one, I s3"int( ha in# no idea how to answer since it7s not like I was raised like this either( all the comm"nities in m+ old hood were o$en access, 0I #"ess it7s meant to kee$ $eo$le98 I start to sa+ sa%e( '"t that7s not reall+ it either, 0An+wa+,8 I shake m+ head, 0I% +o"7re #oin# to li e here( then +o" 'etter #et "sed to it, That7s $rett+ m"ch all there is,8 0B"t we7re not #oin# to li e here(8 Ra+ne sa+s, 0Yo" said this was )"st a tem$orar+ %i1 "ntil +o" %ind a wa+ to #et "s 'ack( remem'er>8 I take a dee$ 'reath and #ri$ the wheel harder( remindin# m+sel% how scared she m"st %eel( no matter how 'ratt+ she #ets, 0=% co"rse it7s tem$orar+,8 I nod( %orcin# a smile, =r at least it 'etter 'e( 'eca"se i% not( someone7s #oin# to 'e e1tremel+ dis$leased, I clim' o"t o% the car and motion %or them to %ollow( sa+in#( 0Read+ to see +o"r new tem$orar+ home>8 I head %or the door( the two o% them close at m+ heels as I stand ri#ht 'e%ore it( de'atin# whether or not I sho"ld knock and wait %or !amen to o$en it or )"st stride ri#ht in since he7s $ro'a'l+ aslee$, And I7m )"st a'o"t to do the latter when !amen swin#s the door o$en( takes one look at me( and sa+s( 0Are +o" oka+>8 I smile( tackin# on a tele$athic messa#e o%: Be%ore +o" sa+ an+thin#9an+thin# at all9)"st tr+ to sta+ calm and #i e me a chance to e1$lain9his e+es c"rio"s( 3"estionin# as I sa+( 0:an we come in>8 Me mo es aside( e+es wide with shock when Rom+ and Ra+ne ste$ o"t %rom 'ehind me and 'arrel ri#ht into him, Skinn+ arms wra$$ed aro"nd his waist( #a2in# "$ at him adorin#l+ as the+ s3"eal( 0!amen4 It7s +o"4 It7s reall+ +o"48 And as nice as this little re"nion is( I can7t hel$ '"t notice how their reaction to him( with all the lo e and e1citement( is $rett+ m"ch the o$$osite o% their reaction to me, 0Me+,8 Me smiles( r"%%lin# their hair and 'endin# down to $lant a kiss on the to$ o% their heads, 0Mow lon# has it 'een>8 Me $"lls awa+ and s3"ints, 0Hast week(8 Ra+ne sa+s( com$lete adoration dis$la+ed on her %ace, 0Seconds 'e%ore E er added her 'lood to the antidote and wrecked e er+thin#,8 0Ra+ne48 Rom+ #lances 'etween her sister and me( shakin# her head, B"t I )"st let it #o, This is one 'attle I7ll ne er win, 0I meant 'e%ore that,8 !amen s3"ints into the distance( tr+in# to remem'er the date, The+ look at him( a mischie o"s #leam in their e+es when the+ sa+( 0It was )"st o er si1 +ears a#o when E er was ten48 I #a$e( e+es $racticall+ $o$$in# o"t o% m+ head as !amen la"#hs, 0Ah( +es, And I ha e +o" two to thank %or hel$in# me %ind her, And since +o" know how m"ch she means to me( I7d a$$reciate +o"r kindness toward her, That7s not too m"ch to ask9is it>8 Me ch"cks Ra+ne "nder the chin( ca"sin# her to smile as her cheeks %l"sh 'ri#ht $ink, 0So to what do I owe this incredi'le honor>8 Me leads "s into the still em$t+ li in# room, 0=% 'ein# re"nited with m+ lon# lost %riends( who( I mi#ht add( ha en7t a#ed a da+ since we met,8 The+ look at each other and #i##le( clearl+ $re$ared to 'e charmed '+ an+thin# he sa+s, And 'e%ore I can e en think o% a re$l+( %ind the ri#ht words to slowl+ 'reak him in and #et him "sed to the idea o% their li in# with him( the+ look at each other and sho"t( 0E er said we co"ld li e with +o"48 !amen #lances at me( smile still $lanted on his %ace( as a look o% $"re horror cree$s into his e+es, 0Tem$oraril+(8 I add( #a2e meetin# his( sendin# a 'arra#e o% tele$athic red t"li$s his wa+, 0J"st "ntil I %ind a wa+ to #et them 'ack to S"mmerland( or their ma#ick ret"rns( whiche er comes %irst,8 Tackin# on a mental note o%: Remem'er when +o" said +o" wanted to im$ro e +o"r karma( to make "$ %or +o"r $ast> 5ell( what 'etter wa+ than to hel$ someone in need> And this wa+ +o" can kee$ the ho"se( since +o"7ll need the e1tra s$ace, It7s the $er%ect sol"tion, E er+one wins4 .oddin# and smilin# so ea#erl+ I7m like a 'o''le head doll, !amen #lances %irst at me( then the twins( la"#hin# and shakin# his head when he sa+s( 0=% co"rse +o" can sta+, ?or as lon# as +o" need, So what do +o" sa+ we all head "$stairs so +o" can $ick o"t +o"r rooms>8 I si#h( m+ $er%ect 'o+%riend $ro in# himsel% e en more $er%ect, ?ollowin# 'ehind as the twins race "$ the stairs9ha$$+( #i##lin#( com$letel+ trans%ormed now that the+7re in !amen7s care, 0:an we ha e this room>8 The+ ask( e+es li#htin# "$ as the+ stand in the doorwa+ o% !amen7s s$ecial room that7s still de oid o% his thin#s, 0.o48 I answer too 3"ickl+( wincin# when the+ t"rn( e+es narrowed and #larin# at me, B"t e en tho"#h I %eel 'ad a'o"t the ne#ati e start( I7m determined to ret"rn this room to its normal state( and there7s no wa+ I can do that i% the+7re cam$in# in it, 0It7s taken(8 I add( knowin# it did nothin# to so%ten the 'low, 0B"t there7s $lent+ more( this $lace is h"#e( +o"7ll see, There7s e en a $ool48 Rom+ and Ra+ne #lance at each other 'e%ore marchin# down the hall( heads 'o''in# to#ether( whis$erin# 3"ietl+( not 'otherin# to hide their anno+ance with me, Yo" co"ld7 e )"st #i en it to them( !amen thinks( close eno"#h to send a char#e thro"#h m+ eins, I shake m+ head and walk silentl+ alon#side him( tele$athicall+ re$l+in#( I want to see it %illed with +o"r thin#s, E en tho"#h the+ no lon#er mean an+thin# to +o"( the+ mean a #reat deal to me, Yo" can7t )"st toss o"t the $ast9can7t )"st t"rn +o"r 'ack on the thin#s that de%ined +o", Me sto$s( t"rnin# to me as he sa+s( 0E er( we are not de%ined '+ o"r thin#s, It7s not the clothes that we wear( the cars that we dri e( the art we ac3"ire 9it7s not where we li e9'"t how we li e that de%ines "s,8 Mis #a2e 'ores into mine( as he #athers me into a tele$athic em'race( the e%%ect seemin# so real( it ro's me o% 'reath, 0It7s o"r actions that are remem'ered lon# a%ter we7re #one(8 he adds( smoothin# m+ hair as his li$s tele$athicall+ meet mine, Tr"e, I smile( enhancin# the ima#e he created with t"li$s and s"nsets and rain'ows and c"$ids and all manner o% clichXd romantic themes that make "s 'oth la"#h, E1ce$t that we7re immortal( I add( determined to swa+ him to m+ side, 5hich means none o% that reall+ a$$lies, So with that in mind( ma+'e we can )"st9 B"t I don7t e en #et to %inish 'e%ore the twins call %or "s( sho"tin#( 0This room4 I want this one48

Since the twins are so "sed to 'ein# to#ether( I was s"re the+7d want to share the same s$ace and e en #et '"nk 'eds or somethin#, B"t the moment the+ checked o"t the si2e o% the ne1t room( and the one a%ter that( the+ each staked their claim and ne er looked 'ack, S$endin# the ne1t se eral ho"rs directin# !amen and me to decorate down to their most min"te s$eci%ications( demandin# we mani%est 'eds( dressers( and shel es( onl+ to chan#e their minds( ha e "s em$t+ the room( and start all o er a#ain, B"t as lon# as !amen was "sin# his ma#ick( I didn7t com$lain, I was %ar too relie ed to see him mani%estin# a#ain( e en i% he was still re%"sin# to mani%est an+thin# %or himsel%, B+ the time we %inished( the s"n was startin# to rise( and I knew I7d 'etter ret"rn home 'e%ore Sa'ine woke "$ and noticed I was #one, 0!on7t 'e s"r$rised i% I don7t make it to school toda+(8 he sa+s( walkin# me to the %ront door, I si#h( hatin# the tho"#ht o% #oin# witho"t him, 0I can7t lea e them here on their own, .ot "ntil the+ #et settled in,8 Me shr"#s( hookin# his th"m' o er his sho"lder and $ointin# "$stairs where the twins are %inall+( merci%"ll+( aslee$ in their 'eds, I nod( knowin# he7s ri#ht( and owin# to #et them 'ack to S"mmerland soon( 'e%ore the+ #et too com%orta'le here, 0I7m not s"re that7s the sol"tion(8 he sa+s( sensin# m+ tho"#hts, I s3"int( "ns"re where he7s #oin#( '"t #ettin# an "ncom%orta'le $in# in m+ #"t nonetheless, 0I7 e 'een thinkin#98 Me cocks his head to the side( th"m' tracin# his st"''le*lined chin, 0The+7 e 'een thro"#h a lot9losin# their home( their %amilies( e er+thin# the+7 e e er known and lo ed9their li es taken so a'r"$tl+( the+ hadn7t had a chance to e en li e them98 Me shakes his head, 0The+ deser e a real childhood( +o" know> A %resh start in the world98 I #a$e( wantin# to res$ond '"t the words )"st won7t come, Beca"se while I also want them to 'e ha$$+ and sa%e and all o% those thin#s( as %ar as the rest #oes( we7re no lon#er on the same $a#e, I was $lannin# %or a short little isit( a co"$le o% da+s( or at the er+ worst9weeks, .e er once did I entertain the idea o% 'ecomin# s"rro#ate $arents( es$eciall+ to twins who7re )"st a %ew +ears +o"n#er than me, 0It was )"st a tho"#ht,8 Me shr"#s, 0Ultimatel+( the decision is theirs, It7s their li%e,8 I swallow hard and a ert m+ #a2e( tellin# m+sel% this is nothin# that has to 'e settled )"st +et( headin# toward m+ mani%ested car when !amen sa+s( 0E er, Serio"sl+> A Ham'or#hini>8 I crin#e( %l"shin# "nder his #a2e, 0I needed somethin# %ast,8 I shr"#( knowin# he7s not '"+in# it the second I see his %ace, 0The+ were scared o% 'ein# o"tside( so I needed to #et them here 3"ickl+,8 0And did it need to 'e shin+ and red as well>8 Me la"#hs( #lancin# 'etween the car and me and shakin# his head, I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and look awa+( re%"sin# to sa+ an+thin# more, I mean( it7s not like I was $lannin# to kee$ it, I7ll #et rid o% it the second I #et home and $"ll into m+ dri e, I o$en the door and clim' in( s"ddenl+ remem'erin# the thin# I meant to ask him 'e%ore, Takin# in the ele#ant lines o% his %ace as I sa+( 0Me+ !amen9 how7d +o" o$en the door so 3"ickl+> Mow7d +o" know we were here>8 Me looks at me( e+es meetin# mine as the smile slowl+ %ades %rom his %ace, 0I mean( it was %o"r in the mornin#, I didn7t e en ha e a chance to knock and +o" were alread+ there, 5eren7t +o" aslee$>8 And e en tho"#h a ch"nk o% %lash+ red metal stands 'etween "s( it7s as tho"#h he7s ri#ht there( #a2e sendin# shi ers o er m+ skin when he sa+s( 0E er( I can alwa+s sense when +o"7re near,8

%o"rteen

A%ter a lon# da+ at school witho"t !amen( the second the %inal 'ell rin#s( I #et in m+ car and head %or his ho"se, B"t instead o% makin# a le%t at the li#ht( I $"ll an ille#al U*t"rn, Tellin# m+sel% I sho"ld allow him some s$ace( #i e him a chance to 'ond with the twins9when the tr"th is( 'etween their hero worshi$ o% !amen and Ra+ne7s #larin# animosit+ toward me9well( I7m )"st not read+ to %ace them a#ain, I head toward downtown Ha#"na( %i#"rin# I7ll sto$ '+ M+stics and Moon'eams( the meta$h+sical 'ookstore where A a once worked, Thinkin# ma+'e Hina( the store7s owner( can hel$ me %ind a sol"tion to m+ more m+stical $ro'lems witho"t m+ di "l#in# )"st what it is that I7m a%ter, 5hich( considerin# how s"s$icio"s she is( sho"ld $ro e to 'e 3"ite a %eat, A%ter mani%estin# the 'est $arkin# s$ace I can( which in o ercrowded Ha#"na ha$$ens to 'e two 'locks awa+( I st"%% the meter %"ll o% 3"arters and make m+ wa+ toward the door( onl+ to 'e met '+ a 'i# red si#n readin#: BE BA:G I. TE.4 I stand 'e%ore it( li$s $ressed to#ether as I #lance all aro"nd( makin# s"re no one is watchin# as I mentall+ %li$ the si#n o er while makin# the dead 'olt retreat, Silencin# the 'ell on the door as I sli$ inside and head %or the 'ookshel es( relishin# the chance to 'rowse on m+ own( %ree o% Hina7s scr"tin+, The ti$s o% m+ %in#ers #ra2e the lon# row o% s$ines( waitin# %or some kind o% si#nal( a s"dden warmin#( an itch at the ti$s( somethin# to alert me to )"st the ri#ht one, B"t not #ettin# an+thin#( I #ra' one near the end and close m+ e+es( $ressin# m+ $alms to the %ront and 'ack co ers( ea#er to see what7s inside, 0Mow7d +o" #et in here>8 I )"m$( '"m$in# into the shel% )"st 'ehind me( knockin# a $ile o% :!s to the %loor, :rin#in# at the mess at m+ %eet( scattered )ewel cases e er+where( some o% them cracked( as I sa+( 0Yo" scared me9I98 I dro$ to m+ knees( heart racin#( %ace %l"shin#( wonderin# not )"st who he is '"t how he co"ld7 e $ossi'l+ mana#ed to sneak "$ on me when it sho"ld 'e im$ossi'le to do so, A mortal7s ener#+ alwa+s anno"nces itsel% lon# 'e%ore their act"al $resence does, So is it $ossi'le that he9isn7t mortal> I sneak a 3"ick $eek as he kneels down 'eside me( takin# in his tanned skin( de%ined arms( and hea + cl"m$ o% #olden 'rown dreadlocks s$illin# o er his sho"lder and hal%wa+ down his 'ack, 5atchin# as he #athers the dama#ed )ewel cases into his hands( searchin# %or some kind o% si#n that7ll o"t him as an immortal( ma+'e e en a ro#"e, A %ace that7s too $er%ect9an ="ro'oros tattoo9'"t when he catches me lookin#( he smiles in a wa+ that not onl+ dis$la+s the most disarmin# set o% dim$les $er%ectl+ $"nct"atin# each cheek( '"t a set o% teeth that are )"st crooked eno"#h to $ro e he7s nothin# like me, 0Yo" oka+>8 he asks( #a2in# at me with e+es so #reen I can 'arel+ remem'er m+ name, I nod( standin# awkwardl+ and r"''in# m+ $alms on m+ )eans( wonderin# wh+ I7m so 'reathless( "nner ed( %orcin# the words %rom m+ li$s when I sa+( 0Yeah, I7m9%ine,8 Inad ertentl+ tackin# a ner o"s la"#h onto the end that7s so hi#h $itched and %oolish I crin#e and t"rn awa+, 0I( "m9I was )"st( 'rowsin# the merchandise(8 I add( reali2in# )"st a%ter I7 e said it that I $ro'a'l+ ha e more ri#ht to 'e here than he does, Clancin# o er m+ sho"lder to %ind him #a2in# at me in a wa+ I can7t read( I take a dee$ 'reath and $"ll m+ sho"lders 'ack, 0I think the real 3"estion is( how7d +o" #et in here>8 Takin# in his sand+ 'are %eet and wet 'oard shorts han#in# dan#ero"sl+ low on his hi$s( a ertin# m+ #a2e 'e%ore I can see an+thin# more, 0I own the $lace,8 Me nods( stackin# the %allen :!s( the ones that aren7t cracked( 'ack onto the shel% 'e%ore t"rnin# to me, 0Reall+>8 I t"rn( e+es narrowed when I add, 0:"2 I ha$$en to know the owner( and +o" don7t look a thin# like her,8 Me cocks his head to the side( s3"intin# in %a"1 contem$lation and r"''in# his chin as he sa+s( 0Reall+> Most $eo$le claim to see a resem'lance, Tho"#h( I ha e to admit( I7m with +o"( ne er seen it m+sel%,8 0Yo"7re related to Hina>8 I #a$e( ho$in# m+ oice didn7t so"nd as $anicked to his ears as it did mine, 0She7s m+ #randmother,8 Me nods, 0.ame7s J"de( '+ the wa+,8 Me o%%ers his hand( lon#( tanned( %in#ers e1tended( waitin# %or mine, B"t e en tho"#h m+ c"riosit+7s $i3"ed( I can7t do it, !es$ite m+ interest( des$ite m+ wonderin# wh+ he makes me %eel so9%l"stered and o%% 'alance9I can7t risk the 'arra#e o% knowled#e a sin#le to"ch 'rin#s when m+ $s+che7s dist"r'ed, I nod( res$ondin# with this st"$id( em'arrassin# sort o% hal% wa e( as I m"m'le m+ name, Tr+in# not to wince when he #i es me an odd look and lowers his hand a#ain, 0So( now that that7s co ered98 Me slin#s his dam$ towel o er his sho"lder( sendin# a s$ra+ o% sand thro"#h the room, 0I7m 'ack to m+ ori#inal 3"estion( what are +o" doin# in here>8 I t"rn( %ei#nin# s"dden interest in a 'ook on dream inter$retation when I sa+( 0I7m stickin# with m+ ori#inal answer( which was 'rowsin#( in case +o"7 e %or#otten, S"rel+ +o" allow 'rowsers in here>8 I t"rn( meetin# his #a2e9those ama2in# sea #reen e+es remindin# me o% an ad %or a tro$ical #etawa+, Somethin# a'o"t them so9inde%ina'le9startlin#9and +et9stran#el+ %amiliar9tho"#h I7m s"re I7 e ne er seen him 'e%ore, Me la"#hs( $"shin# a tan#le o% #olden dreads o%% his %ace and e1$osin# a scar s$licin# ri#ht thro"#h his 'row( #a2e landin# )"st to m+ ri#ht as he sa+s( 0And +et( a%ter all the s"mmers I7 e s$ent here( watchin# c"stomers 'rowse the merchandise( I7 e ne er once seen someone 'rowse 3"ite like +o",8 Mis li$s $"ll at the sides( as his e+es st"d+ mine, Then I t"rn( cheeks heatin#( heart racin#( takin# a moment to com$ose m+sel% 'e%ore t"rnin# 'ack to sa+( 0Yo"7 e ne er seen someone 'rowse the 'ack co er> That7s a little odd( don7t +o" think>8 0.ot with their e+es closed,8 Me tilts his head to the side and %oc"ses on the s$ace to m+ ri#ht once a#ain, I swallow hard( %l"stered( shak+( knowin# I need to chan#e the s"')ect 'e%ore I sink an+ dee$er, 0Ma+'e +o" sho"ld 'e more concerned with how I #ot in here instead o% what I7m doin# in here(8 I sa+( wishin# I co"ld take it 'ack the second it7s o"t, Me looks at me( #a2e narrowed, 0?i#"red I le%t the door o$en a#ain, Are +o" sa+in# I didn7t>8 0.o48 I shake m+ head( ho$in# he doesn7t notice the wa+ m+ cheeks color and heat, 0.o( that7s9that7s e1actl+ what I7m sa+in#, Yo" did lea e the door o$en(8 I add( tr+in# not to %id#et( 'link( $ress m+ li$s to#ether( or otherwise #i e m+sel% awa+, 0 5ide o$en in %act( which is not onl+ a waste o% air* conditionin# '"t totall+98 I sto$( m+ stomach #oin# weird when I see the smile at $la+ on his li$s, 0So( a %riend o% Hina7s( h"h>8 Me mo es toward the re#ister( dro$$in# his towel on the co"nter in a wet( sand+ th"d, 0.e er heard her mention +o" 'e%ore,8 05ell( we weren7t e1actl+ %riends,8 I shr"#( ho$in# it didn7t look as awkward as it %elt, 0I mean( I met her once and she hel$ed me with9wait( wh+ did +o" )"st $hrase it like that> Yo" know( all $ast tense, Is Hina oka+>8 Me nods( $erchin# on a stool( #ra''in# a $"r$le card'oard 'o1 %rom a drawer and %li$$in# thro"#h a '"nch o% recei$ts, 0She7s on one o% her ann"al retreats, -icks a di%%erent one each +ear, This time it7s Me1ico, Tr+in# to determine i% the Ma+ans were ri#ht and the world will end in OPKO, 5hat7s +o"r take>8 Me looks at me( #reen e+es c"rio"s( insistent( 'orin# ri#ht into mine, B"t I )"st scratch m+ arm and shr"#( ne er ha in# heard that $artic"lar theor+ 'e%ore and wonderin# i% it a$$lies to !amen and me, Is that when we7ll head %or the Shadowland( or will we 'e %orced to wander a 'arren Earth9the last two s"r i ors res$onsi'le %or re$o$"latin# the land9onl+9iron+ alert9i% we to"ch( !amen dies9 I shake m+ head( ea#er to esca$e that $artic"lar thread 'e%ore it can reall+ take hold and mess with m+ head, Besides( I7m here %or a reason and I

need to stick with the $lan, 0So how do +o" know her> I% +o" weren7t e1actl+ %riends,8 0I met her thro"#h A a(8 I sa+( hatin# the %eel o% her name on m+ li$s, Me rolls his e+es( m"m'lin# somethin# "nintelli#i'le and shakin# his head, 0So +o" know her>8 I look at him( allowin# m+ #a2e to tra el his %ace( his neck( his sho"lders( his smooth tanned chest( makin# m+ wa+ down to his na el( 'e%ore %orcin# m+sel% to look awa+ a#ain, 0Yeah( I know her,8 Me $"shes the 'o1 aside( #a2e meetin# mine, 0J"st "$ and disa$$eared the other da+9into thin air %rom what I can tell98 =h( +o" don7t know the hal% o% it( I think( care%"ll+ watchin# his %ace, 09called her ho"se( her cell( '"t nothin#, ?inall+ did a dri e*'+ to make s"re she was oka+ and the li#hts were on so it7s clear she7s 'een dod#in# me,8 Me shakes his head, 0He%t me with a '"nch o% an#r+ clients( demandin# a readin#, 5ho wo"ld7 e tho"#ht she7d t"rn o"t to 'e s"ch a %lake>8 Yes( who wo"ld7 e tho"#ht> :ertainl+ not the $erson who was %oolish eno"#h to $lace her dee$est darkest secrets ri#ht into her #reed+( o"tstretched( hands , , , 0Still ha en7t %o"nd an+one #ood eno"#h to re$lace her tho"#h, And let me tell +a( it7s $rett+ m"ch im$ossi'le to #i e readin#s and take care o% the store, That7s wh+ I ste$$ed o"t )"st now,8 Me shr"#s, 0S"r% was callin# and I needed a 'reak, C"ess I le%t the door o$en a#ain,8 Mis e+es meet mine( s$arklin# and dee$, And I can7t tell i% he tr"l+ 'elie es he le%t the door o$en( or i% he s"s$ects me, B"t when I tr+ to $eer into his head to see %or m+sel% I7m sto$$ed '+ the wall he7s erected to sa%e#"ard his tho"#hts %rom $eo$le like me, All I ha e to #o '+ is the 'rilliant $"r$le a"ra I %ailed to see 'e%ore9its color wa in# and shimmerin#( 'eckonin# to me, 0So %ar all I #ot are a stack o% a$$lications %rom amate"rs, B"t I7m so des$erate to #et m+ weekends 'ack( I7m read+ to toss their names in a 'owl and $ick one )"st to #et it o er with,8 Me shakes his head and %lashes those dim$les a#ain, And e en tho"#h $art o% me can7t 'elie e what I7m a'o"t to do( the other $art( the more $ractical $art( "r#es me on( reco#ni2in# the $er%ect o$$ort"nit+ when it7s standin# 'e%ore me, 0Ma+'e I can hel$,8 I hold m+ 'reath as I wait %or his re$l+, B"t when m+ onl+ res$onse is a set o% narrowed lids accom$anied '+ the sli#htest c"rlin# o% li$s( I add( 0Serio"sl+, Yo" don7t e en ha e to $a+ me48 Me s3"ints e en %"rther( those ama2in# #reen e+es $racticall+ disa$$earin# %rom si#ht, 05hat I meant was +o" don7t ha e to $a+ me all that m"ch(8 I sa+( not wantin# to come o%% as some weird des$erate %reak who #i es it awa+ %or %ree, 0I7ll work %or )"st o er minim"m wa#e9'"t onl+ 'eca"se I7m so #ood I7ll 'e li in# o%% the ti$s,8 0Yo"7re $s+chic>8 Me %olds his arms and tilts his head 'ack( #a2in# at me with com$lete dis'elie%, I strai#hten m+ $ost"re and tr+ not to %id#et, Mo$in# to a$$ear $ro%essional( mat"re( someone he can tr"st to hel$ r"n his store, 0Y"$,8 I nod( "na'le to kee$ %rom wincin#( "n"sed to con%idin# m+ a'ilities to an+one( m"ch less a stran#er, 0I )"st sort o% know thin#s9in%ormation )"st sort o% comes to me9it7s hard to e1$lain,8 Me looks at me( wa erin#( then %oc"sin# )"st to m+ ri#ht as he sa+s( 0So what e1actl+ are +o" then>8 I shr"#( %in#ers $la+in# with the 2i$$er on m+ hoodie( drawin# it "$ and down( down and "$( ha in# no idea what he means, 0Are +o" claira"dient( clair o+ant( clairsentient( clair#"stance( clairscent( or clairtan#enc+> 5hich is it>8 Me shr"#s, 0All o% the a'o e,8 I nod( ha in# no idea what hal% those thin#s mean( '"t %i#"rin# i% it7s #ot an+thin# e en remotel+ to do with $s+chic a'ilities( then I can $ro'a'l+ do it, 0B"t +o"7re not medi"mistic(8 he sa+s( as tho"#h it7s a %act, 0I can see s$irits,8 I shr"#, 0B"t onl+ the ones that are still here( not the ones who7 e crossed98 I sto$( $retendin# to clear m+ throat( knowin# it7s 'etter not to mention the 'rid#e( S"mmerland( or an+ o% that, 09I can7t see the ones who7 e crossed o er,8 I shr"#( ho$in# he doesn7t tr+ to $"sh it since that7s as %ar as I7ll #o, Me s3"ints( #a2e roamin# %rom the to$ o% m+ $ale 'lond head and all the wa+ down to m+ .ike clad %eet, A #a2e that makes m+ whole 'od+ 3"i er, Reachin# %or a lon#*slee ed tee stashed "nder the co"nter and +ankin# it o er his head 'e%ore he looks at me and sa+s( 05ell( E er( i% +o" wanna work here( +o"7re #onna ha e to $ass the a"dition,8

%i%teen

J"de locks the %ront door then leads me down a short hall and into a small room on the ri#ht, I %ollow 'ehind( hands %le1ed '+ m+ sides( starin# at the $eace si#n on the 'ack o% his tee and remindin# m+sel% that i% he does an+thin# cree$+ I can take him down 3"ickl+ and make him re#ret the da+ he e er went a%ter me, Me motions toward a $added %olda'le chair %acin# a small s3"are ta'le co ered '+ shin+ 'l"e cloth( takin# the seat )"st o$$osite me and $ro$$in# his 'are %oot on his knee as he sa+s( 0So( what7s +o"r s$ecialt+>8 I #a2e at him( hands %olded( %oc"sin# on takin# slow dee$ 'reaths while tr+in# not to s3"irm, 0Tarot cards> R"nes> I :hin#> -s+chometr+> 5hich is it>8 I #lance at the door( knowin# I co"ld reach it in a %raction o% a second( which mi#ht ca"se a stir( '"t so what> 0Yo" are #oin# to #i e me a readin#( ri#ht>8 Mis #a2e le els on mine, 0Yo" do reali2e that7s what I meant '+ a"dition>8 Me la"#hs( dis$la+in# a matchin# set o% dim$les as he swin#s his dreads o er his sho"lder and la"#hs some more, I stare at the ta'lecloth( tracin# the '"m$+ raw silk with m+ %in#ers( heat risin# to m+ cheeks when I remem'er !amen7s last words( how he can alwa+s sense me( and ho$in# he was )"st sa+in# that9that he can7t sense me now, 0I don7t need an+thin#(8 I m"m'le( still "nwillin# to meet his #a2e, 0All I need is a 3"ick to"ch o% +o"r hand and I7m #ood to #o,8 0-almistr+,8 Me nods, 0.ot what I wo"ld7 e e1$ected( '"t oka+,8 Me leans toward me( hands o$en( $alms "$( read+ to #o, I swallow hard( seein# the dee$l+ etched lines( '"t that7s not where the stor+ li es9at least not %or me, 0I don7t act"all+ read 7em(8 I sa+( oice 'etra+in# m+ ner o"sness( as I work "$ the co"ra#e to to"ch him, 0It7s more the9the ener#+9I )"st9t"ne into it, That7s where all the in%o is,8 Me $"lls 'ack( st"d+in# me so closel+ I can7t meet his e+es, Gnowin# I need to )"st to"ch him( #et it o er with, And I need to do it now, 0Is it )"st the hand( or9>8 Me %le1es his %in#ers( the call"ses linin# his $alms risin# and %allin# a#ain, I clear m+ throat( wonderin# wh+ I7m so ner o"s( wh+ I %eel like I7m 'etra+in# !amen( when all I7m tr+in# to do is land a )o' that7ll make m+ a"nt ha$$+, 0.o( it can 'e an+where, Yo"r ear( +o"r nose( e en +o"r 'i# toe9doesn7t matter( it all reads the same, The hand7s )"st more accessi'le( +o" know>8 0More accessi'le than the 'i# toe>8 Me smiles( those sea #reen e+es seekin# mine, I take a dee$ 'reath( thinkin# how coarse and ro"#h his hands a$$ear( es$eciall+ com$ared to !amen7s whose are almost so%ter than mine, And somehow( e en )"st the tho"#ht o% that makes this whole moment %eel o%%, .ow that o"r to"ch is %or'idden( )"st 'ein# alone with another #"+ %eels sordid( illicit( wron#, I reach toward him( e+es sh"t ti#ht( remindin# m+sel% it7s )"st a )o' inter iew9that there7s reall+ no reason I can7t land this thin# 3"ickl+ and $ainlessl+, -ressin# m+ %in#er to the center o% his $alm and %eelin# the so%t( #entle #i e o% his %lesh, Allowin# his stream o% ener#+ to %low thro"#h me9so $eace%"l( serene( it7s like wadin# into the calmest o% seas, So di%%erent %rom the r"sh o% tin#le and heat I7 e #rown "sed to with !amen9at least "ntil the shock o% J"de7s li%e stor+ "n%olds, I +ank m+ hand 'ack as tho"#h I7 e 'een st"n#( %"m'lin# %or the am"let )"st "nder m+ to$( notin# the alarm on his %ace as I r"sh to e1$lain, 0I7m sorr+,8 I shake m+ head( an#r+ with m+sel% %or o erreactin#, 0.ormall+ I wo"ldn7t do that, .ormall+ I7m wa+ more discreet, I was )"st a little9s"r$rised9that7s all, I didn7t e1$ect to see an+thin# 3"ite so98 I sto$( knowin# m+ inane 'a''lin# is onl+ makin# it worse, 0.ormall+( when I #i e readin#s( I hide m+ reactions m"ch 'etter than that,8 I nod( %orcin# m+ #a2e to meet his( knowin# whate er I sa+ won7t hide the %act that I choked like the worst kind o% amate"r, 0Serio"sl+,8 I smile( li$s stretchin# in a wa+ that can7t 'e con incin#, 0I7m like the "ltimate $oker %ace,8 -eerin# at him a#ain and seein# this isn7t 3"ite workin#, 0A $oker %ace that is also %"ll o% em$ath+ and com$assion(8 I stammer( "na'le to sto$ this r"nawa+ train, 0I mean( reall+9I7m )"st9%"ll o% it98 I crin#e( shakin# m+ head as I #ather m+ thin#s so I can call it a da+, There7s no wa+ he7ll hire me now, Me slides to the ed#e o% his seat( leanin# so close I str"##le to 'reathe, 0So tell me(8 he sa+s( #a2e like a hand on m+ wrist( holdin# me in $lace, 05hat e1actl+ did +o" see>8 I swallow hard( closin# m+ e+es %or a moment and re$la+in# the mo ie I )"st saw in m+ head, The ima#es so clear( dancin# 'e%ore me( as I sa+( 0Yo"7re di%%erent,8 I $eer at him( his 'od+ "nmo in#( #a2e stead+( allowin# no cl"es as to whether or not I7m on track, 0B"t then( +o"7 e alwa+s 'een di%%erent, E er since +o" were little +o"7 e seen them,8 I swallow hard and a ert m+ #a2e( the ima#e o% him in his cri'( smilin# and wa in# at the #randmother who $assed +ears 'e%ore his 'irth now etched on m+ 'rain, 0And when98 I $a"se( not wantin# to sa+ it( '"t knowin# that i% I want the )o'( then I7d 'etter #et to it, 0B"t when +o"r %ather9shot himsel%9'ack when +o" were ten9+o" tho"#ht +o" were to 'lame, :on inced +o"r insistence on seein# +o"r mother( who( '+ the wa+ $assed )"st one +ear 'e%ore( somehow sent him o er the ed#e, It was +ears 'e%ore +o" acce$ted the tr"th( that +o"r %ather was )"st lonel+( de$ressed( and an1io"s to 'e with +o"r mother a#ain, E en so( sometimes +o" still do"'t it,8 I #a2e at him( notin# how he hasn7t so m"ch as %linched( tho"#h somethin# in those dee$ #reen e+es hints at the tr"th, 0Me tried to isit a %ew times, 5antin# to a$olo#i2e %or what he did( '"t e en tho"#h +o" sensed him( +o" 'locked it, Sick o% 'ein# teased '+ +o"r classmates and scolded '+ the n"ns9not to mention +o"r %oster dad who98 I shake m+ head( not wantin# to contin"e( '"t knowin# I m"st, 0Yo" )"st wanted to 'e normal,8 I shr"#, 0Treated like e er+one else,8 I trace m+ %in#ers o er the ta'lecloth( throat 'e#innin# to ti#hten( knowin# e1actl+ how it %eels to lon# to %it in( all the while knowin# +o" ne er tr"l+ can, 0B"t a%ter +o" ran awa+ and met Hina( who( '+ the wa+( is not +o"r real #randmother9+o"r real #rand$arents are dead,8 I look at him a#ain( wonderin# i% he7s s"r$rised that I knew that '"t he #i es nothin# awa+, 0An+wa+( she took +o" in( %ed +o"( clothed +o"( she98 0She sa ed m+ li%e,8 Me si#hs( leanin# 'ack in his seat( lon# tanned %in#ers r"''in# at his e+es, 0In more wa+s than one, I was so lost and she98 0Acce$ted +o" %or who +o" reall+ are,8 I nod( seein# the whole stor+ 'e%ore me( as tho"#h I7m ri#ht there, 0And who7s that>8 he asks( hands s$la+ed on his knees( #a2in# at me, 05ho am I reall+>8 I look at him( not e en $a"sin# when I sa+( 0A #"+ so smart +o" %inished hi#h school in tenth #rade, A #"+ with s"ch ama2in# medi"mistic a'ilities +o"7 e hel$ed h"ndreds o% $eo$le and asked er+ little in e1chan#e, And +et( des$ite all o% that( +o"7re also a #"+ who7s so98 I look at him( li$s li%tin# at the corners, 05ell I was #oin# to sa+ la2+9'"t since I reall+ do want this )o' I7ll sa+ laid*'ack instead,8 I la"#h( relie ed when he la"#hs alon# with me, 0And #i en the choice +o"7d ne er work another da+, Yo"7d s$end the rest o% eternit+ )"st searchin# %or that one $er%ect wa e,8 0Is that a meta$hor>8 he asks( a crooked smile on his %ace, 0.ot in +o"r case,8 I shr"#, 0In +o"r case( it7s a %act,8 Me nods( leanin# 'ack in his chair( #a2in# at me in a wa+ that makes m+ stomach dance, !ro$$in# %orward a#ain( %eet %lat on the %loor when he sa+s( 0C"ilt+,8 E+es wist%"l( searchin# mine, 0And now( since there are no secrets le%t( since +o"7 e $eered ri#ht into the core o% m+ so"l9I ha e to ask( an+ insi#hts into m+ %"t"re9a certain 'londe $erha$s>8 I shi%t in m+ seat( $re$arin# to s$eak when he c"ts me ri#ht o%%, 0And I7m talkin# the immediate %"t"re( as in this ?rida+ ni#ht, 5ill Stacia e er a#ree to #o o"t with me>8 0Stacia>8 M+ oice cracks as m+ e+es $racticall+ $o$ o"t o% m+ head, So m"ch %or the $oker %ace I was 'ra##in# a'o"t, 5atchin# as he closes his e+es and shakes his head( those lon#( #olden dreadlocks contrastin# so nicel+ with his #or#eo"s dark skin, 0Anastasia -a$$as( aka Stacia(8 he sa+s( "naware o% m+ si#h o% relie%( thrilled to know it7s some other horri'le Stacia and not the one I know,

T"nin# in to the ener#+ s"rro"ndin# her name and knowin# ri#ht awa+ that it7s ne er #onna ha$$en9at least not in the wa+ that he thinks, 0Yo" reall+ want to know>8 I ask( knowin# I co"ld sa e him a lot o% wasted e%%ort '+ tellin# him now( '"t do"'tin# he reall+ wants to hear the tr"th as m"ch as he claims, 0I mean( wo"ldn7t +o" rather )"st wait and see how it $la+s>8 I look at him( ho$in# he7ll a#ree, 0Is that what +o"7re #oin# to sa+ to +o"r clients>8 he asks( 'ack to '"siness a#ain, I shake m+ head( lookin# ri#ht at him, 0Me+( i% the+7re %ool eno"#h to ask( then I7m %ool eno"#h to tell,8 I smile, 0So I #"ess the 3"estion is( how 'i# o% a %ool are +o">8 Me $a"ses( hesitates %or so lon# that I worr+ that I took it too %ar, B"t then he smiles( ri#ht hand e1tended as he rises %rom his seat, 0?ool eno"#h to hire +o", .ow I know wh+ +o" wo"ldn7t shake hands the %irst time aro"nd,8 Me nods( s3"ee2in# m+ hand %or a %ew seconds too lon#, 0That7s one o% the most ama2in# readin#s I7 e e er had,8 0=ne o%>8 I li%t m+ 'row in mock o%%ense as I reach %or m+ 'a# and walk alon#side him, Me la"#hs( headin# %or the door and #lancin# at me when he sa+s( 05h+ don7t +o" sto$ '+ tomorrow mornin#( sa+ aro"nd ten>8 I $a"se( knowin# there7s no wa+ I can $ossi'l+ do that, 05hat> Yo" $re%er to slee$ in> Join the cl"',8 Me shr"#s, 0B"t 'elie e me( i% I can do it( +o" can too,8 0It7s not that,8 I $a"se( wonderin# wh+ I7m so rel"ctant to tell him, I mean( now that I7 e #ot the )o' what do I care what he thinks> Me looks at me( waitin#( #a2e addin# "$ the seconds, 0It7s )"st9I ha e class,8 I shr"#( thinkin# how class so"nds so m"ch older than school( like I7m in colle#e or somethin#, Me s3"ints( lookin# me o er a#ain, 05here>8 0Um( o er at Ba+ Biew(8 I m"m'le( tr+in# not to wince when I sa+ it o"t lo"d, 0The hi#h school>8 Mis e+es narrow %"rther( newl+ in%ormed, 05ow( +o" reall+ are $s+chic,8 I la"#h( knowin# I so"nd ner o"s( st"$id( comin# clean when I add( 0I7m %inishin# "$ m+ )"nior +ear,8 Me looks at me %or a moment9too lon# a moment9then he t"rns and o$ens the door, 0Yo" seem older(8 he sa+s( the words so a'stract I7m not s"re i% the+ were meant %or me or %or him, 0Sto$ '+ when +o" can, I7ll show +o" how to work the re#ister and a %ew other thin#s aro"nd here,8 0Yo" want me to sell st"%%> I tho"#ht I was )"st #i in# readin#s>8 S"r$rised to hear m+ )o' descri$tion e1$andin# so 3"ickl+, 05hen +o"7re not #i in# readin#s +o"7ll 'e workin# the %loor, Is that a $ro'lem>8 I shake m+ head as he holds the door o$en, 0J"st9)"st one thin#,8 I 'ite down on m+ li$( "ns"re how to $roceed, 05ell( two thin#s act"all+, ?irst9do +o" mind i% I #o '+ a di%%erent name9+o" know( %or the readin#s and st"%%> I li e with m+ a"nt( and while she7s totall+ cool and all( she doesn7t e1actl+ know a'o"t m+ a'ilities( so98 0Be whoe er +o" want,8 Me shr"#s, 0.o worries, B"t since I need to start 'ookin# a$$ointments( who do +o" want to 'e>8 I $a"se( not ha in# tho"#ht this thro"#h "ntil now, 5onderin# i% I sho"ld choose Rachel a%ter m+ 'est %riend in =re#on( or somethin# e en more common like Anne or Jenn+ or somethin# like that, B"t knowin# how $eo$le alwa+s e1$ect $s+chics to 'e a'o"t as %ar %rom normal as it #ets( I #a2e toward the 'each and choose the third thin# I see( '+$assin# Tree and Basket'all :o"rt as I sa+( 0A alon,8 Immediatel+ likin# the so"nd o% it, 0Yo" know( like the town on :atalina Island>8 Me nods( %ollowin# me o"tside as he asks( 0And the second thin#>8 I t"rn( takin# a dee$ 'reath and ho$in# he7ll listen when I sa+( 0Yo" can do 'etter than Stacia,8 Me looks at me( #a2e mo in# o er m+ %ace( clearl+ resi#ned to the tr"th i% not e1actl+ thrilled to hear it %rom me, 0Yo" ha e a serio"s histor+ o% %allin# %or all the wron# #irls,8 I shake m+ head, 0Yo" do know that( ri#ht>8 I wait %or a res$onse( some reco#nition o% what I )"st said( '"t he )"st shr"#s and wa es me awa+, Still watchin# as I head %or m+ car( ha in# no idea I can hear him when he thinks: !on7t I know it,

si1teen

The moment I $"ll into the dri e Sa'ine calls m+ cell( tellin# me to )"st #o ahead and order a $i22a %or dinner since she has to work late, And e en tho"#h I7m tem$ted to tell her a'o"t m+ new )o'( I don7t, I mean( o' io"sl+ I need to in%orm her( i% %or no other reason than to s$are me the one she7s lined "$( '"t still( there7s no wa+ I can admit to #ettin# this $artic"lar )o', She7ll think it7s weird, E en i% I omit all the st"%% a'o"t #ettin# $aid to #i e readin#s ;and 'elie e me( I7d ne er dream o% mentionin# that< she7ll still think a )o' at a meta$h+sical 'ookstore is stran#e, Ma+'e e en sill+, 5ho knows> Sa'ine7s %ar too reasona'le and rational to e er #et 'ehind s"ch a thin#, -re%errin# to li e in a world that7s st"rd+ and solid( that makes $er%ect sense( ers"s the real one that is an+thin# '"t, And while I hate alwa+s ha in# to lie to her( I reall+ don7t see how I ha e m"ch o% a choice, There7s )"st no wa+ she can e er learn the tr"th a'o"t me( let alone that I7ll 'e #i in# readin#s "nder the code name o% A alon, I7ll )"st tell her I #ot a )o' somewhere local( some$lace normal( like a re#"lar 'ookstore( or a Star'"cks $erha$s, And then o% co"rse I7ll ha e to %ind a wa+ to 'ack the stor+ "$ in case she decides to %ollow "$ on all that, I $ark in the #ara#e and head "$ the stairs( tossin# m+ 'a# onto m+ 'ed witho"t e en lookin#( then headin# %or m+ closet as I +ank o%% m+ tee, J"st a'o"t to "n2i$ m+ )eans when !amen sa+s( 0!on7t mind me( I7m )"st sittin# here en)o+in# the iew,8 I co er m+ chest with m+ arms( heart 'eatin# tri$le time as !amen lets o"t a low( sweet whistle and smiles at me, 0I didn7t e en see +o", I didn7t e en sense +o" %or that matter(8 I sa+( reachin# %or m+ tee a#ain, 0C"ess +o" were too distracted,8 Me smiles( $attin# the s$ace ri#ht 'eside him( %ace creasin# with la"#hter when I $"ll on m+ shirt 'e%ore )oinin# him, 05hat7re +o" doin# here>8 I ask( not reall+ interested in the answer( )"st #lad to 'e near him a#ain, 0I %i#"red since Sa'ine7s workin# late98 0Mow7d +o"98 B"t then I shake m+ head and la"#h, =% co"rse he knows, Me can read e er+one7s mind( incl"din# mine( '"t onl+ when I want him to, And e en tho"#h I "s"all+ lea e m+ shield down( makin# m+ tho"#hts accessi'le %or him to iew( ri#ht now I )"st can7t, I %eel like I need to e1$lain( tell m+ side o% the stor+( 'e%ore he can $eek in m+ head and draw his own concl"sions, 0And since +o" didn7t come '+ a%ter school98 Me leans toward me( e+es seekin# mine, 0I wanted to #i e +o" some time with the twins,8 I $"ll a $illow onto m+ 'ell+ and %in#er the seam, 0Yo" know( so +o" co"ld #et "sed to 'ein# to#ether and9st"%%98 I shr"#( meetin# his #a2e( knowin# he7s not '"+in# it( not %or a second, 0=h( we7re 3"ite "sed to each other,8 Me la"#hs, 0I ass"re +o" o% that,8 Me shakes his head, 0It7s 'een 3"ite a da+9 er+ '"s+ and er+9interestin#( %or lack o% a 'etter word, B"t we missed +o",8 Me smiles( e+es #ra2in# o er m+ hair( m+ %ace( m+ li$s( like the sweetest lin#erin# kiss, 0It wo"ld7 e 'een so m"ch 'etter i% +o"7d 'een there,8 I a ert m+ #a2e( do"'tin# an+ o% that7s the sli#htest 'it tr"e, M"tterin# "nder m+ 'reath when I sa+( 0I 'et,8 Me to"ches m+ chin( makin# me %ace him( %ace masked with concern when he asks( 0Me+( what7s this a'o"t>8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and look awa+( scr"nchin# m+ $illow so ti#ht it threatens to '"rst( wishin# I hadn7t said an+thin# 'eca"se now I ha e to e1$lain, 0I7m )"st98 I shake m+ head, 0I7m )"st not so s"re the twins wo"ld a#ree,8 I shr"#, 0The+ $rett+ m"ch 'lame me %or e er+thin#, And it7s not like the+ don7t ha e a $oint, I mean98 B"t 'e%ore I can %inish( I reali2e somethin#9!amen is to"chin# me, Hike to"chin# me to"chin# me, ?or reals, .o #lo e( no tele$athic em'race( )"st #ood old*%ashioned skin*on*skin contact9or at least( almost contact, 0Mow7d +o"98 I look at him( his e+es shinin# with la"#hter when he catches me #a$in# at his 'are( #lo eless hand, 0Yo" like>8 Me smiles( #ras$in# m+ arm and li%tin# it hi#h( 'oth o% "s watchin# as the thin eil o% ener#+( the onl+ thin# se$aratin# m+ skin %rom his( $"lsates 'etween "s, 0I7 e 'een workin# on it all da+, .othin#7s #oin# to kee$ me %rom +o"( E er, .othin#,8 Me nods( his #a2e meetin# mine, I look at him( mind racin# with $ossi'ilities( o% all this co"ld mean, En)o+in# the almost %eel o% his skin( se$arated onl+ '+ the thinnest shro"d o% $"re( i'ratin# ener#+( in isi'le to e er+one '"t "s, And while it does somewhat tem$er the "s"al r"sh o% tin#le and heat( and while it co"ld ne er com$are to the real thin#( I miss him so m"ch9)"st 'ein# with him9I7ll take what I can #et, I lean into him( watchin# the eil e1$and "ntil it stretches %rom o"r heads to o"r toes, Allowin# "s to lie to#ether in the wa+ that we "sed to9or at least almost in the wa+ that we "sed to, 0M"ch 'etter,8 I smile( hands roamin# his %ace( his arms( his chest, 0.ot to mention how it7s %ar less em'arrassin# than the 'lack leather #lo e,8 0Em'arrassin#>8 Me $"lls awa+ and looks at me( mock o"tra#e dis$la+ed on his %ace, 0:ome on,8 I la"#h, 0E en +o" ha e to admit it was a total %ashion %a"1 $as, I tho"#ht Miles was #oin# to ha e a sei2"re e er+ time he saw it(8 I m"rm"r( inhalin# his wonder%"l( warm( m"sk+ scent as I '"r+ m+ %ace in his neck, 0So how7d +o" do it>8 M+ li$s #ra2in# his skin( lon#in# to taste e er+ last inch, 0Mow7d +o" harness the ma#ick o% S"mmerland and 'rin# it 'ack here>8 0It7s #ot nothin# to do with S"mmerland(8 he whis$ers( li$s at the c"r e o% m+ ear, 0It7s )"st the ma#ick o% ener#+, Besides( +o" sho"ld know '+ now that most e er+thin# +o" can do there( can 'e done here as well,8 I #a2e at him( remem'erin# A a and all the ela'orate #old )ewelr+ and desi#ner clothes she "sed to mani%est there( and how "$set she alwa+s was when the+ didn7t s"r i e the ret"rn tri$ home, B"t 'e%ore I can e en mention it( he sa+s( 05hile it7s tr"e that the thin#s mani%ested there can7t 'e trans%erred here( i% +o" "nderstand how the ma#ick works( i% +o" tr"l+ #et how e er+thin# is reall+ )"st made "$ o% ener#+( then there7s no reason +o" can7t mani%est the same thin#s here, Hike +o"r Ham'or#hini( %or instance,8 0I7d hardl+ call it m+ Ham'or#hini(8 I sa+( cheeks %l"shin# des$ite the %act that it wasn7t so lon# a#o when he had a thin# %or e1otic cars too, 0The second I was done with it I sent it ri#ht 'ack, I mean( it7s not like I ke$t it,8 Me smiles( '"r+in# his hand in m+ hair and smoothin# the ends 'etween the ti$s o% his %in#ers, 0In 'etween mani%estin# thin#s %or the twins( I $er%ected it,8 05hat kinds o% thin#s>8 I ask( mo in# so I can 'etter see him( immediatel+ distracted '+ the si#ht o% his li$s( remem'erin# how warm and silk+ the+ once %elt on mine( wonderin# i% this new ener#+ shield will allow "s to e1$erience that a#ain, 0It all started with the %lat*screen TB,8 Me si#hs, 0=r( sho"ld I sa+ %lat screens since the+ ended "$ re3"irin# one %or each o% their rooms( $l"s another two %or the den that the+7ll share, And not lon# a%ter I #ot them all hooked "$ and workin#( the+ sat down to watch and not %i e min"tes in the+ were in"ndated with ima#es o% thin#s the+ co"ldn7t li e witho"t,8 I s3"int( s"r$rised to hear that( since the twins ne er seemed to care all that m"ch a'o"t material thin#s 'ack in S"mmerland( '"t ma+'e that7s 'eca"se material thin#s tend to lose most o% their al"e once +o" can mani%est whate er +o" want, I #"ess losin# their ma#ick has made them )"st like an+one else9lon#in# %or e er+thin# )"st o"t o% their reach, 0Tr"st me( the+7re an ad ertiser7s dream,8 Me smiles( shakin# his head, 0?allin# ri#ht into that co eted +o"th market o% thirteen to thirt+,8 0E1ce$t %or the %act that +o" didn7t act"all+ '"+ an+ o% those thin#s( did +o"> Yo" )"st closed +o"r e+es and made them a$$ear, Mardl+ the same as

#oin# to the store and char#in# it on +o"r credit card, In %act( do +o" e en ha e a credit card>8 .e er ha in# seen him e en carr+ a wallet( m"ch less a $ile o% $lastic, 0.o need,8 Me la"#hs( %in#er skimmin# the 'rid#e o% m+ nose 'e%ore his li$s meet the ti$, 0B"t e en tho"#h I didn7t act"all+ #o o"t and '"+ all o% those thin#s as +o" so #enero"sl+ $ointed o"t , , ,8 Me smiles, 0That doesn7t make those commercials an+ less e%%ecti e( which was reall+ m+ $oint,8 I $"ll awa+( knowin# he7s e1$ectin# me to la"#h( or at least sa+ somethin# li#hthearted in re$l+( '"t I can7t, And e en tho"#h I hate to disa$$oint him( I still shake m+ head and sa+( 0Either wa+( +o" need to 'e care%"l,8 I shi%t m+ 'od+ so m+ #a2e can 'etter meet his, 0Yo" sho"ldn7t s$oil them so m"ch( or make them so com%orta'le the+7re rel"ctant to lea e,8 Me s3"ints at me( clearl+ not %ollowin# m+ meanin#( so I r"sh ahead to e1$lain, 05hat I mean is( +o" need to remem'er that li in# with +o" is a tem$orar+ sol"tion, ="r main #oal is to look a%ter them "ntil we can restore their ma#ick and #et them 'ack to S"mmerland( which is where the+ 'elon#,8 Me rolls onto his 'ack and stares at the ceilin#, T"rnin# his %ace toward mine as he sa+s( 0A'o"t that,8 I hold m+ 'reath and look at him( m+ stomach di$$in# e er so sli#htl+, 0I7 e 'een thinkin#98 Me s3"ints, 05ho7s to sa+ S"mmerland is where the+ 'elon#>8 I 'alk( an ar#"ment $ressin# %orth %rom m+ li$s "ntil he raises his %in#er and sto$s it ri#ht there, 0E er( the 3"estion as to whether or not the+ ret"rn( well( don7t +o" think that7s somethin# the+ sho"ld decide> I7m not s"re we7re the ones who sho"ld 'e makin# those choices,8 0B"t we7re not choosin#(8 I sa+( oice shrill( "nstead+, 0That7s what the+ want4 =r at least that7s what the+ said the ni#ht I %o"nd them, The+ were %"rio"s with me( 'lamin# me %or the loss o% their ma#ick( %or strandin# them here9or at least Ra+ne was@ Rom+9well( Rom+ was )"st Rom+,8 I shr"#, 0B"t still, Are +o" sa+in# that7s chan#ed>8 Me closes his e+es %or a moment( 'e%ore le elin# his #a2e 'ack on mine, 0I7m not s"re the+ e en know what the+ want at this $oint(8 he sa+s, 0The+7re a little o erwhelmed( e1cited '+ the $ossi'ilities o% 'ein# here( and +et too terri%ied to e en ste$ o"tside, I )"st think we sho"ld #i e them some time and s$ace and kee$ o"r minds o$en to the $ossi'ilit+ o% them sta+in# a little 'it lon#er than $lanned, =r at least "ntil the+7re %"ll+ ad)"sted( and 'etter a'le to decide %or themsel es, Besides( I owe them( it7s the least I can do, !on7t %or#et the+ hel$ed me %ind +o",8 I swallow hard and a ert m+ #a2e( torn 'etween wantin# what7s 'est %or the twins while worried a'o"t the im$act it7ll ha e on !amen and me, I mean( the+7 e 'een here less than a da+ and I7m alread+ mo"rnin# m+ access to him( which is a totall+ sel%ish wa+ to iew two $eo$le in need, Still( I don7t think +o" ha e to 'e $s+chic to know that with the two o% them aro"nd( re3"irin# all kinds o% assistance( times like this9when it7s )"st !amen and me9will 'e se erel+ limited, 0Is that the %irst time +o" met> In S"mmerland>8 I ask( seemin# to remem'er Ra+ne sa+in# somethin# a'o"t !amen hel$in# them( not the other wa+ aro"nd, !amen shakes his head( e+es on mine when he sa+s( 0.o( that was )"st the %irst time I7d seen them in a lon# time, 5e act"all+ #o wa+ 'ack9all the wa+ 'ack to Salem,8 I look at him( )aw dro$$ed( wonderin# i% he was there d"rin# the trials( tho"#h he7s 3"ick to dis$el that, 0It was )"st 'e%ore the tro"'le started( and I was onl+ $assin# thro"#h, The+7d #otten into some mischie% and co"ldn7t %ind their wa+ home9so I #a e them a ride in m+ carria#e and their a"nt was ne er the wiser,8 Me la"#hs, And I7m )"st a'o"t to make some cra$$+ little comment( somethin# a'o"t him s$oilin# and ena'lin# them %rom the er+ start( when he sa+s( 0The+7 e s"%%ered an e1traordinaril+ hard li%e9losin# e er+thin# the+7 e e er known and lo ed at a er+ +o"n# a#e9s"rel+ +o" can relate to that> I know I can,8 I si#h( %eelin# small and sel%ish and em'arrassed that I e en needed to 'e reminded o% that, !etermined to stick to the $ractical when I sa+( 0B"t who7s #oin# to raise them>8 Mo$in# it will seem like m+ concerns are %ar less a'o"t me and more a'o"t them, I mean( with all o% their "nmiti#ated weirdness( not to mention their totall+ 'i2arre histor+( where wo"ld the+ #o> 5ho co"ld $ossi'l+ look a%ter them> 05e7re #oin# to look a%ter them,8 !amen rolls onto his side and makes me %ace him a#ain, 0Yo" and I, To#ether, 5e7re the onl+ ones who can,8 I si#h( wantin# to t"rn awa+( '"t drawn to the warmth o% his all*encom$assin# #a2e, 0I7m )"st not s"re we7re %it to 'e $arents,8 I shr"#( hand mo in# o er his sho"lder( #ettin# lost in his tan#le o% hair, 0=r role models( or #"ardians( or whate er, 5e7re too +o"n#48 I add( thinkin# it7s a #ood and alid $oint( and e1$ectin# )"st a'o"t an+ reaction '"t the la"#hter I #et, 0Too +o"n#>8 Me shakes his head, 0S$eak %or +o"rsel%4 I ha e 'een aro"nd %or a while( +o" know, -lent+ lon# eno"#h to 3"ali%+ as a s"ita'le #"ardian %or the twins, Besides,8 Me smiles, 0Mow hard can it 'e>8 I close m+ e+es and shake m+ head( remem'erin# m+ %ee'le attem$ts to #"ide Rile+ 'oth in h"man and #host %orm( and how I %ailed misera'l+, And to 'e honest( I7m )"st not s"re I7m "$ %or it a#ain, 0Yo" ha e no idea what +o"7re #ettin# into(8 I tell him, 0Yo" can7t e en 'e#in to ima#ine what it7s like to #"ide two headstron#( thirteen*+ear*old #irls, It7s like herdin# cats9com$letel+ im$ossi'le,8 0E er(8 he sa+s( oice low( coa1in#( determined to ease m+ concerns and chase all the dark clo"ds awa+, 0I know what7s reall+ 'otherin# +o"( 'elie e me( I do, B"t it7s )"st %i e more +ears "ntil the+ t"rn ei#hteen and head o%% on their own( and then we7ll ha e the %reedom to do whate er we want, 5hat7s %i e +ears when we ha e all o% eternit+>8 B"t I shake m+ head a#ain( re%"sin# to 'e swa+ed, 0I% the+ head o%% on their own(8 I sa+, 0I%, Belie e me( there are $lent+ o% kids who stick aro"nd the ho"se lon# a%ter that,8 0Yes( '"t the di%%erence is( +o" and I won7t let them,8 Me smiles( e+es $racticall+ 'e##in# me to li#hten "$ and smile too, 05e7ll teach them all the ma#ick the+7ll need to #ain their inde $en dence and #et '+ on their own, Then we7ll send 7em o%% and wish 7em well and #o somewhere on o"r own,8 And the wa+ he smiles( the wa+ he #a2es into m+ e+es and smooths m+ hair o%% m+ %ace makes it im$ossi'le to sta+ mad( im$ossi'le to waste an+ more time on a to$ic like this when m+ 'od+7s so close to his, 0?i e +ears is nothin#( when +o"7 e alread+ li ed %or si1 h"ndred(8 he sa+s( li$s at m+ cheek( m+ neck( m+ ear, I sn"##le closer( knowin# he7s ri#ht( des$ite the %act that m+ $ers$ecti e7s a little di%%erent %rom his, Ma in# ne er s$ent more than two decades in an+ one incarnation makes %i e +ears s$ent 'a'+sittin# the twins seem like an eternit+, Me $"lls me to him( arms locked ti#htl+ aro"nd me( com%ortin# me in a wa+ I wish co"ld last %ore er, 0Are we #ood>8 he whis$ers, 0Are we %inished with this>8 I nod( $ressin# m+ 'od+ hard a#ainst his( ha in# no need %or words, The onl+ thin# I want now( the onl+ thin# that7ll make me %eel 'etter is the reass"rin# %eel o% his li$s, I shi%t m+ 'od+ so it7s co erin# his( con%ormin# to the 'end o% his chest( the alle+ o% his torso( the '"lk near his hi$s, Mearts 'eatin# in $er%ect cadence( a#"el+ aware o% the slim eil o% ener#+ $"lsatin# 'etween "s as I lower m+ mo"th to his9$ressin# and $"shin# and kneadin# to#ether9weeks o% lon#in# risin# to the s"r%ace9"ntil all I want to do is in%"se m+ 'od+ with his, Me moans( a low $rimal so"nd comin# %rom dee$ within( hands cl"tched at m+ waist( 'rin#in# me closer 7til there7s nothin# 'etween "s '"t two sets o% clothes that need to 'e shed, I %"m'le at his %l+ as he $"lls at m+ tee( 'reath meetin# in short( ra##ed #as$s as o"r %in#ers h"rr+ as %ast as the+ can( "na'le to com$lete their tasks 3"ickl+ eno"#h to satis%+ o"r need, And )"st as I7 e "n'"ttoned his )eans and start to slide them down( I reali2e we7 e #otten so close( the ener#+ eil was $"shed o"t, 0!amen48 I #as$( watchin# as he lea$s %rom the 'ed( 'reath comin# so hea + and %ast( his words are cli$$ed at the end,

0E er9I7m98 Me shakes his head, 0I7m sorr+9I tho"#ht it was sa%e9I didn7t reali2e98 I reach %or m+ tee and co er m+sel%( cheeks %l"shed( insides a%lame( knowin# he7s ri#ht( we can7t take the risk9can7t a%%ord to #et ca"#ht "$ like that, 0I7m sorr+ too9I think9I think ma+'e I $"shed it awa+ and98 I 'ow m+ head( allowin# m+ hair to %all into m+ %ace( %eelin# small and e1amined( s"re I7m to 'lame, The mattress di$s as he ret"rns to m+ side( the eil %"ll+ restored as he li%ts m+ chin and makes me %ace him a#ain, 0It7s not +o"r %a"lt9I9I lost %oc"s9I was so ca"#ht "$ in +o" I co"ldn7t maintain it,8 0It7s oka+, Reall+(8 I sa+, 0.o it7s not, I7m older than +o"9I sho"ld ha e more control98 Me shakes his head and stares at the wall( )aw clenched( #a2e %ar awa+( e+es s"ddenl+ narrowin# as he t"rns 'ack to me and sa+s( 0E er9how do we know i% this is e en real>8 I s3"int( ha in# no idea what he means, 05hat kind o% $roo% do we ha e> Mow do we know Roman7s not )"st $la+in# "s( ha in# a 'it o% %"n at o"r e1$ense>8 I take a dee$ 'reath and shr"#( reali2in# I ha e no $roo% at all, M+ e+es meetin# his as I re$la+ the scene %rom that da+( all the wa+ to the end where I add m+ 'lood to the mi1 and make !amen drink( reali2in# the onl+ $roo% I ha e is Roman7s e1tremel+ "nrelia'le word, 05ho7s to sa+ this is e en le#it>8 Mis e+es widen as an idea 'e#ins to %orm, 0Roman7s a liar9we7 e no reason to tr"st him,8 0Yeah( '"t9it7s not like we can test it, I mean( what i% it7s not a 'i# #ame( what i% it is le#it> 5e can7t take the risk9can we>8 !amen smiles( risin# %rom the 'ed and headin# %or m+ desk where he closes his e+es and mani%ests a tall white candle in an ela'orate #old holder( a shar$ sil er da##er( its 'lade $oint+ and smooth( its handle encr"sted with cr+stals and #ems( and a #old*%ramed mirror he sets down 'eside them( motionin# %or me to )oin him as he sa+s( 0.ormall+ I wo"ld sa+ ladies %irst9'"t in this case98 Me holds his hand o er the #lass and raises the kni%e( $lacin# the ed#e to his $alm and tracin# the c"r e o% his li%eline( watchin# his 'lood %low onto the mirror( $oolin#( coa#"latin#( 'e%ore closin# his e+es and settin# the candle a%lame, The wo"nd alread+ healed '+ the time he $asses the 'lade thro"#h the 'la2e( cleansin#( $"ri%+in#( 'e%ore handin# it to me and "r#in# me to do the same, I lean toward him( inhalin# dee$l+ as I 3"ickl+ slice thro"#h m+ %lesh, At %irst wincin# at the shar$ sta' o% $ain( then watchin# %ascinated( as the 'lood $o"rs %rom m+ $alm and onto the mirror where it slowl+ cree$s toward his, 5e stand to#ether( 'odies still( 'reath halted( watchin# as two r"'+ red s$lotches meet( min#le( coalesce9the $er%ect em'odiment o% o"r #enetic make"$ )oinin# as one9the er+ thin# Roman warned "s a#ainst, 5aitin# %or somethin# to ha$$en( some sort o% catastro$hic $"nishment %or what we7 e 'oth done9'"t #ettin# nothin#9no reaction at all, 05ell( I7ll 'e damned98 !amen sa+s( e+es meetin# mine, 0It7s %ine4 -er%ectl+98 Mis words c"t short '+ the s"dden s$ark and si22le as o"r 'lood 'e#ins to 'oil( cond"ctin# so m"ch heat a h"#e $l"me o% smoke '"rsts %rom the mirror and %ills "$ the air9cracklin# and s$ittin# "ntil the 'lood e a$orates com$letel+, Hea in# 'ehind onl+ the sheerest la+er o% d"st on a '"rnt*o"t mirror, E1actl+ what7ll ha$$en to !amen i% o"r !.A sho"ld meet, 5e #a$e( s$eechless( "ns"re what to sa+, B"t words are no lon#er necessar+( the meanin# is clear, Roman7s not $la+in#, Mis warnin# was real, !amen and I can ne er 'e to#ether, Unless I $a+ his $rice, 05ell,8 !amen nods( str"##lin# to a$$ear calm tho"#h his %ace is clearl+ stricken, 0C"ess Roman7s not nearl+ the liar I acc"sed him o% 'ein#9at least not in this case,8 05hich also means he has the antidote9and all I ha e to do now is98 B"t I can7t e en %inish 'e%ore !amen7s c"ttin# me o%%, 0E er( $lease( don7t e en #o there, J"st do me a %a or and sta+ awa+ %rom Roman, Me7s dan#ero"s( and "nsta'le( and I don7t want +o" an+where near him( oka+> J"st98 Me shakes his head( and r"ns his hand thro"#h his hair( not wantin# me to see how distra"#ht he reall+ is and headin# %or the door as he sa+s( 0J"st #i e me some time to %i#"re thin#s o"t, I7ll think o% a wa+,8 Me looks at me( so shaken '+ the e ents he7s determined to kee$ his distance, Mani%estin# a sin#le red t"li$ into m+ newl+ healed $alm in $lace o% a kiss( 'e%ore headin# down the stairs and o"t m+ %ront door,

se enteen

The ne1t da+( when I #et home %rom school( Ma en7s on m+ %ront ste$s( e+es smeared with mascara( ro+al 'l"e 'an#s han#in# lim$ in her %ace( with a 'lanketed '"ndle cl"tched ti#ht in her arms, 0I know I sho"ld7 e called,8 She scram'les to her %eet( %ace red and swollen as she sni%%s 'ack the tears, 0I #"ess I didn7t reall+ know what to do( so I came here,8 She rearran#es the 'lanket( showin# me a solid 'lack cat with ama2in# #reen e+es that a$$ears er+ weak, 0Is he +o"rs>8 I #lance 'etween them( noticin# how 'oth o% their a"ras are ra##ed and %ra+ed, 0She,8 Ma en nods( %"ssin# with the 'lanket and raisin# it 'ack to her chest, 0I didn7t know +o" had a cat,8 I s3"int( wantin# to hel$ '"t "ns"re what to do, M+ dad was aller#ic( so we alwa+s had do#s, 0Is this wh+ +o" weren7t at school toda+>8 She nods( %ollowin# me into the kitchen where I #ra' a 'ottle o% water and $o"r it into a 'owl, 0Mow lon# ha e +o" had her>8 I ask( watchin# as she $laces the cat in her la$ and 'rin#s the 'owl to her %ace, B"t the cat7s not the least 'it interested and 3"ickl+ t"rns awa+, 0?ew months,8 She shr"#s( #i in# "$ on the water and smoothin# the to$ o% her head, 0.o'od+ knows, 5ell( o"tside o% Josh( A"stin( and the maid who7s sworn to secrec+( '"t no'od+ else, M+ mom wo"ld %li$, Cod %or'id a real li in# thin# mess "$ her desi#ner decoratin# scheme,8 She shakes her head, 0She li es in m+ room( mostl+ "nder the 'ed, B"t I lea e the window cracked so she can #et o"t and wander aro"nd now and then, I mean( I know the+7re s"$$osed to li e lon#er i% +o" kee$ 7em inside( '"t what kind o% li%e is that>8 She looks at me( her normall+ 'ri#ht s"nshin+ a"ra t"rned #ra+ with worr+, 05hat7s her name>8 I $eer at the cat( kee$in# m+ oice to a whis$er( tr+in# to hide m+ concern, ?rom what I can see( she7s not lon# %or this world, 0:harm,8 The corners o% her li$s li%tin# e er so sli#htl+ as she #lances 'etween "s, 0I named her that 'eca"se she7s l"ck+9or at least it seemed that wa+ at the time, I %o"nd her )"st o"tside m+ window the %irst time Josh and I kissed, It seemed so romantic,8 She shr"#s, 0Hike a #ood si#n, B"t now98 She shakes her head( and looks awa+, 0Ma+'e I can hel$(8 I sa+( an idea 'e#innin# to %orm, =ne I7m not s"re will work( '"t still( %rom what I can see I7 e #ot nothin# to lose, 0She7s not e1actl+ a kitten, She7s an old lad+ now, The et told me to kee$ her com%orta'le %or as lon# as I can, And I totall+ wo"ld7 e ke$t her home since she reall+ likes it "nder m+ 'ed( '"t m+ mom7s decided to redo all the 'edrooms e en tho"#h m+ dad7s threatenin# to sell( and now the decorator is there( alon# with a Realtor( and e er+one7s %i#htin# and the ho"se is a mess, And since Josh is a"ditionin# %or this new 'and( and since Miles is #ettin# read+ %or his $er%ormance toni#ht( I tho"#ht I7d come here,8 She looks at me, 0.ot that +o" were last choice or an+thin#,8 She crin#es( reali2in# what she )"st said, 0It7s )"st that +o"7re alwa+s so '"s+ with !amen and I didn7t want to 'other +o", B"t i% +o"7re '"s+( I don7t ha e to sta+, I mean( i% he7s comin# o er or somethin#( I can )"st98 0Tr"st me,8 I lean a#ainst the co"nter and shake m+ head, 0!amen7s98 I stare at the wall( wonderin# )"st how to $hrase it, 0!amen7s $rett+ '"s+ these da+s, So I do"'t he7ll 'e dro$$in# '+ an+time soon,8 I #lance 'etween her and :harm( readin# her a"ra and knowin# she7s e en more distra"#ht than she seems, And e en tho"#h I know it7s not ri#ht( ethical( or whate er( e en tho"#h I know it7s the circle o% li%e and +o"7re not s"$$osed to inter%ere( I can7t stand to see m+ %riend s"%%er like this( not when I ha e a hal% 'ottle o% eli1ir sittin# inside m+ 'a#, 0I7m )"st9sad,8 She si#hs( scratchin# )"st "nder :harm7s chin, 0I mean( o' io"sl+ she7s li ed a #ood lon# li%e and all( '"t still, 5h+ does it ha e to 'e so sad when it ends>8 I shr"#( 'arel+ listenin#( mind '"22in# with the $romise o% a new idea, 0It7s so weird how like one min"te e er+thin#7s %ine9or ma+'e e en not so %ine9'"t still( +o"7re at least here, And then the ne1t9#one, Hike E an#eline, .e er to 'e seen or heard %rom a#ain,8 I dr"m m+ %in#ers a#ainst the #ranite co"nter( knowin# that7s not e1actl+ tr"e( '"t "nwillin# to re%"te it, 0I #"ess I )"st don7t #et the $oint, It7s like( wh+ sho"ld +o" 'other #ettin# attached to an+thin# i%( A: It7s ne er #onna last( and B: It h"rts like hell when it7s o er>8 She shakes her head, 0Beca"se i% e er+thin#7s %inite( i% e er+thin# has a de%inite 'e#innin#( middle( and end( then wh+ e en #et started in the %irst $lace> 5hat7s the $oint when e er+thin# )"st leads to The End>8 She 'lows her 'an#s o"t o% her e+es and looks at me, 0And I don7t mean death like98 She nods toward her cat, 0Altho"#h that7s where we all end "$ 9no matter how hard we %i#ht,8 I #lance 'etween her and :harm( noddin# as tho"#h I7m ri#ht there, Hike I7m )"st like e er+one else, 5aitin# m+ t"rn in a lon# mor'id line, 0I mean death in a more meta$horical wa+, In a nothin# lasts %ore er wa+( +o" know> Beca"se it7s tr"e( nothin#7s '"ilt to last, .othin#, .o, Thin#,8 0B"t Ma en98 I start( sto$$in# the second she shoots me a look meant to silence, 0Histen( 'e%ore +o" tr+ to sell me all that 'ri#ht side nonsense +o"7re )"st d+in# to s$o"t( name one thin# that doesn7t end,8 She narrows her #a2e in a wa+ that sets me on ed#e( makin# me wonder i% she knows a'o"t me( i% she7s tr+in# to 'ait me somehow, B"t when I take a dee$ 'reath and look at her a#ain( it7s clear she7s 'attlin# her own set o% demons( not me, 0:an7t do it( ri#ht>8 She shakes her head, 0Unless +o" were #oin# to sa+ Cod( or "ni ersal lo e( or whate er( '"t that7s not what I7m talkin# a'o"t( an+wa+, I mean( :harm is d+in#( m+ $arents are on the er#e o% di orcin#( and( let7s %ace it( Josh and I are #oin# to end e ent"all+ too, And i% it7s $"rel+ an ine ita'le %act( then98 She shakes her head and wi$es her nose, 05ell9I ma+ as well take control o% the sit"ation and 'e the one who decides when, M"rt him( 'e%ore he can h"rt me, Beca"se two thin#s are %or s"re( A: It7s #oin# to end( and B: Someone7s 'o"nd to #et h"rt, And wh+ sho"ld that someone 'e me>8 She looks awa+( nose r"nn+( li$s twisted, 0Mark m+ words( %rom this $oint on( I7m Te%lon Cirl, E er+thin# r"ns ri#ht o%% me( nothin# can stick,8 I look at her( sensin# this isn7t 3"ite the whole stor+( '"t willin# to take her at her word, 0Yo" know what> Yo"7re ri#ht, Yo"7re a'sol"tel+ ri#ht(8 I sa+( seein# her look "$ in s"r$rise, 0E er+thin# is %inite,8 E er+thin# '"t Roman( !amen( and me4 0And +o"7re also ri#ht that +o" and Josh will $ro'a'l+ end at some $oint( and not )"st 'eca"se e er+thin# ends like +o" said( '"t 'eca"se that7s )"st the wa+ it #oes, Most hi#h school relationshi$s don7t make it $ast #rad"ation,8 0Is that how +o" see +o" and !amen>8 She $icks at :harm7s 'lanket while lookin# at me, 0That +o" #"+s won7t make it $ast #rad ni#ht>8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and a ert m+ #a2e( knowin# I7m $rett+ m"ch the world7s worst liar when I sa+( 0I9I tr+ not to think a'o"t it too m"ch, B"t what I meant was( )"st 'eca"se somethin# ends doesn7t mean it7s a 'ad thin# or that someone7s 'o"nd to #et h"rt( or that it sho"ld7 e ne er ha$$ened in the %irst $lace( or whate er, Beca"se i% each ste$ 'rin#s "s to the ne1t( then how will we e er #et an+where( how can we e er #row i% we a oid e er+thin# that mi#ht h"rt "s>8 She looks at me( noddin# onl+ sli#htl+( as tho"#h she sees m+ $oint '"t won7t %"ll+ concede, 0So we $rett+ m"ch ha e no choice '"t to contin"e( to )"st #et o"t there and ho$e %or the 'est, And who knows( we mi#ht e en learn a thin# or two alon# the wa+,8 I look at her( knowin# I ha en7t com$letel+ sold it( so I add( 0I #"ess what I7m tr+in# to sa+ is( +o" can7t r"n awa+ )"st 'eca"se somethin# won7t last, Yo" ha e to han# in there( let it $la+ o"t, It7s the onl+ wa+ +o"7ll e er ad ance,8 I shr"#( wishin# I co"ld 'e a little more elo3"ent( '"t there it is, 0Think a'o"t it( i% +o" didn7t resc"e +o"r cat( i% +o" didn7t sa+ +es when Josh asked +o" o"t9well( there7s a lot o% wonder%"l moments +o" wo"ld7 e

missed,8 She looks at me( still wantin# to ar#"e( '"t not sa+in# a word, 0Josh is a reall+ sweet #"+( and he7s cra2+ a'o"t +o", I don7t think +o" sho"ld throw him o er'oard so soon, Besides(8 I sa+( knowin# she hears me '"t is not tr"l+ listenin#( 0+o" sho"ldn7t make those kinds o% decisions when +o"7re %eelin# so stressed,8 0Mow a'o"t mo in#( then> Is that a #ood eno"#h reason>8 0Josh is mo in#>8 I s3"int, I hadn7t seen that comin#, She shakes her head( scratchin# :harm on the s$ot 'etween her ears when she sa+s( 0.ot Josh, Me, M+ dad kee$s talkin# a'o"t sellin# the ho"se( '"t damn i% he7ll disc"ss it with A"stin or me,8 I look at her( tem$ted to $eer inside her head and see %or m+sel%( '"t stickin# to m+ earlier ow to allow m+ %riends their $ri ac+, 0All I know %or s"re is that the $hrase resale al"e comes "$ all the time,8 She shakes her head( lookin# at me when she sa+s( 0B"t +o" know what this reall+ means( i% an+ o% this is act"all+ tr"e> It means I won7t 'e #oin# to Ba+ Biew ne1t +ear, I won7t #et to #rad"ate with m+ class, I won7t 'e #oin# to an+ =ran#e :o"nt+ hi#h school %or that matter,8 0I won7t let this ha$$en(8 I sa+( #a2e locked on hers, 0There7s no wa+ +o"7re lea in#, Yo" ha e to #rad"ate with "s98 05ell( that7s er+ nice and all,8 She shr"#s, 0B"t I7m not s"re +o" can sto$ it, It7s a little o"t o% +o"r lea#"e( don7t +o" think>8 I #lance 'etween her and her cat( knowin# it7s not at all o"t o% m+ lea#"e, ?indin# an antidote %or !amen> Ma+'e, Mel$in# m+ 'est %riend sta+ in her 2i$ code and sa e her cat> .ot so m"ch, There7s $lent+ I can do, -lent+, B"t still I )"st look at her and sa+( 05e7ll work somethin# o"t, J"st tr"st me( oka+> Ma+'e +o" can mo e in here with me and Sa'ine>8 .oddin# as tho"#h I mean it( e en tho"#h Sa'ine wo"ld ne er ha e it, B"t still needin# to $"t somethin# o"t there( $ro ide some kind o% com%ort since it7s not like I can oice what I7m ho$in# to do, 0Yo"7d do that>8 she s3"ints, 0Reall+>8 0=% co"rse,8 I shr"#, 05hate er it takes,8 She swallows hard and #a2es aro"nd( shakin# her head when she sa+s( 0Yo" know I7d ne er take +o" "$ on it( '"t still( it7s nice to know that e en with all o"r ro"#h s$ots +o"7re still m+ 'est %riend,8 I s3"int( ha in# alwa+s ass"med it was Miles not me, 05ell( +o" and Miles,8 She la"#hs, 0I mean( I can ha e two 'est %riends9an heir and a s$are( as the+ sa+>8 She wi$es her nose a#ain( shakin# her head when she adds( 0I 'et I look like cra$( ri#ht> Co ahead( tell me( I can take it,8 0Yo" don7t look like cra$(8 I sa+( wonderin# wh+ she7s s"ddenl+ %oc"sed on her looks, 0Yo" look sad, There7s a di%%erence, Besides( does it matter>8 0It does i% +o"7re considerin# whether or not +o" sho"ld hire me,8 She shr"#s, 0I7 e #ot a )o' inter iew( '"t there7s no wa+ I can #o lookin# like this, And it7s not like I can 'rin# :harm,8 I #a2e at her cat( watchin# the li%e*%orce ener#+ slowl+ sli$$in# awa+( knowin# I ha e to mo e %ast( 'e%ore it7s too late, 0I7ll kee$ her, It7s not like I7m #oin# an+where an+wa+,8 She looks at me( wa erin# on whether or not she sho"ld lea e her $oor d+in# cat in m+ care, B"t I )"st nod( comin# aro"nd to her side o% the co"nter and li%tin# :harm o"t o% her arms as I add( 0Serio"sl+, J"st #o do what +o" need to do( and I7ll 'a'+sit,8 I smile( "r#in# her to a#ree, She hesitates( #lancin# 'etween me and :harm( then r"mma#es thro"#h her o ersi2ed 'a# %or a small( handheld mirror( 'e%ore wettin# her %in#er and clearin# the mascara tracks %rom her cheeks, 0I sho"ldn7t 'e lon#,8 She #ra's a 'lack $encil and draws a thick( sm"d#+ line aro"nd each e+e, 0Ma+'e an ho"r> Two at the most>8 She looks at me( tradin# the $encil %or 'l"sh, 0All +o" ha e to do is hold her and #i e her some water i% she wants, B"t she $ro'a'l+ won7t, She doesn7t want m"ch o% an+thin# now,8 She coats her li$s with a swi$e o% #loss and rearran#es her 'an#s( 'e%ore slin#in# her 'a# o er her sho"lder and headin# %or the door, :lim'in# into her car as she t"rns to me and sa+s( 0Thanks, I need this )o' more than +o" think, .eed to start sa in# some mone+ so I can emanci$ate m+sel% like !amen, I7m tired o% this cra$,8 I look at her( "ns"re what to sa+, !amen7s sit"ation7s "ni3"e, .ot at all what it seems, 0And +eah( I know( I $ro'a'l+ won7t 'e a'le to s"$$ort m+sel% in 3"ite the same st+le as !amen( '"t still( I7d rather li e in some cra$$+ st"dio somewhere than 'e s"')ect to m+ $arents7 im$"lsi e decisions and whims, An+wa+( +o" s"re +o"7re oka+ with this>8 I nod( h"##in# :harm ti#hter( mentall+ "r#in# her to hold on( )"st a little 'it lon#er( "ntil I can hel$, Ma en slides her ke+ into the i#nition( the en#ine t"rnin# as she sa+s( 0I $romised Roman I wo"ldn7t 'e late, And i% I h"rr+( I mi#ht 'e on time,8 :heckin# her a$$earance in the rear iew mirror as she shi%ts in re erse, 0Roman>8 I %ree2e( m+ e1$ression one o% $"re $anic '"t "na'le to chan#e it, She shr"#s( 'ackin# o"t o% m+ dri e as she calls( 0Me7s the one who scored me the inter iew,8 5a in# as she disa$$ears down the street( lea in# me with a d+in# cat in m+ arms( and no words to warn her,

ei#hteen

0Yo" can7t do it(8 he sa+s( 'arel+ ha in# o$ened the door 'e%ore he7s alread+ shakin# his head, 0Yo" don7t e en know what I7m here %or,8 I %rown( h"##in# :harm ti#htl+ to m+ chest( wishin# I hadn7t come here, 0The cat is d+in# and +o" want to know i% it7s oka+ to sa e it and I7m tellin# +o" it7s not, Yo" can7t do it,8 Me shr"#s( readin# the sit"ation more than m+ mind( which I $"r$osel+ 'locked so he can7t iew m+ isit to Roman( which wo"ld reall+ set him on ed#e, 0!o +o" mean can7t as in not $ossi'le> Hike the eli1ir won7t work on a %eline> =r can7t as in the moral sense( as in don7t $la+ Cod( E er>8 0!oes it matter>8 Me li%ts his 'row( ste$$in# to the side and allowin# me in, 0=% co"rse it matters(8 I whis$er( TB noise dri%tin# down %rom "$stairs( the twins7 dail+ dose o% realit+ shows, Me heads into the den( $lo$$in# onto the co"ch and $attin# the s$ace ri#ht 'eside him, And e en tho"#h I7m anno+ed '+ the wa+ he7s actin#( not e en #i in# me a chance to e1$lain( I still )oin him( rearran#in# the 'lanket( ho$in# one look at :harm will con ince him, 0I )"st don7t think +o" sho"ld )"m$ to concl"sions(8 I sa+( shi%tin# m+ 'od+ so I7m %acin# him, 0It7s not as sim$le as +o" think, It7s not 'lack or white( it7s mostl+ all #ra+,8 Me leans toward me( #a2e so%tenin# as he mo es his th"m' 'ack and %orth "nder :harm7s whiskered chin, 0I7m sorr+( E er, Reall+,8 Me #a2es at me 'e%ore $"llin# awa+, 0B"t e en i% the eli1ir did work9which( '+ the wa+( I7m not s"re it wo"ld since I7 e ne er tried it on an animal 'e%ore( '"t e en i% it did 98 0Reall+>8 I look at him( s"r$rised to hear that, 0Yo"7 e ne er had a $et +o" co"ldn7t 'ear to $art with>8 M+ e+es #ra2e o er him( takin# him in, 0.ot one that I co"ldn7t 'ear to lose( no,8 Me shakes his head, I narrow m+ e+es( not s"re how I %eel a'o"t that, 0E er( 'ack in m+ da+ we didn7t kee$ $ets in 3"ite the same wa+, And a%ter I drank the eli1ir( I wasn7t interested in ownin# an+thin# that mi#ht tie me down,8 I nod( catchin# the wa+ he #a2es at :harm and ho$in# there7s room to ne#otiate, 0?ine, .o $ets, I #et it(8 I sa+, 0B"t do +o" #et how someone mi#ht 'ecome so attached to their kitt+ the+ can7t 'ear to sa+ #ood*'+e>8 0Are +o" askin# i% I know a'o"t attachment>8 Me looks at me( #a2e hea +( stead+( %i1ed ri#ht on mine, 0A'o"t lo e( and the "n'eara'le #rie% that comes when it7s lost>8 I #a2e down at m+ la$( %eelin# )" enile( %oolish, I sho"ld7 e seen that comin#, 0There7s m"ch more at stake than )"st sa in# a cat or #rantin# eternal li%e9i% there e en is s"ch a thin# in the animal kin#dom, The real 3"estion is( how will +o" e1$lain it to Ma en> 5hat will +o" tell her when she ret"rns onl+ to %ind the d+in# cat she le%t in +o"r care is now mirac"lo"sl+ c"red9ma+'e e en 'ecomin# a kitten a#ain( who knows> Mow will +o" $ossi'l+ e1$lain that to her>8 I si#h( not ha in# tho"#ht a'o"t that, Madn7t reall+ considered that i% it does work( :harm won7t )"st 'e healed( '"t $h+sicall+ trans%ormed, 0It7s not a'o"t it not workin#9I7 e no cl"e a'o"t that, And it7s not a'o"t +o"r ri#ht to $la+ Cod9+o" and I 'oth know I7m the last one who sho"ld )"d#e s"ch a thin#, It7s more a'o"t sa%e#"ardin# o"r secrets, And while I know +o" ha e onl+ the 'est intentions at heart( in the end( hel$in# +o"r %riend will onl+ i#nite her s"s$icion, Raisin# 3"estions that can ne er 'e answered sim$l+ or lo#icall+ witho"t re ealin# too m"ch, Besides( Ma en7s alread+ onto "s( or onto somethin# at least, So now( more than e er( it7s im$ortant %or "s to la+ low,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether( swallowin# $ast the l"m$ in m+ throat( hatin# that I7 e #ot so man+ ama2in# tools at m+ dis$osal( all o% these ma#ical a'ilities( '"t "na'le to "se them( to hel$ those whom I lo e, 0I7m sorr+(8 he sa+s( hand ho erin# o er m+ arm( hesitatin# to make contact "ntil the eil comes alon#, 0B"t as sad as it seems( it reall+ is )"st the nat"ral co"rse o% e ents, And 'elie e me( animals acce$t these thin#s %ar 'etter than $eo$le do,8 I lean into his sho"lder( into his to"ch( ama2ed '+ his $ower to com%ort me no matter how 'ad thin#s #et, 0I )"st %eel so 'ad %or her9her $arents are alwa+s %i#htin#9she mi#ht ha e to mo e9it7s makin# her 3"estion the $oint o% e er+thin#, Gind o% like I did when m+ world %ell a$art,8 0E er98 he starts( #a2e so%t( li$s loomin# so close I can7t hel$ '"t $ress mine a#ainst them9the moment c"t short when the twins s3"eal their wa+ down the stairs, 0!amen9Rom+ won7t let me98 Ra+ne sto$s( standin# 'e%ore "s( dark e+es wider than "s"al when she sa+s( 0=mi#od is that a cat>8 I #lance at !amen, Since when does Ra+ne "se words like 0omi#od8> B"t he )"st shakes his head and la"#hs, 0!on7t #et too close,8 Me #lances 'etween them, 0And kee$ +o"r oice down, This is a er+ sick cat, I7m a%raid she doesn7t ha e er+ lon#,8 0Then wh+ don7t +o" sa e it>8 Ra+ne asks( $rom$tin# Rom+ to nod in a#reement( the three o% "s #a2in# at !amen( o"r e+es wide and $leadin#, 0Beca"se we don7t do thin#s like that(8 he sa+s( oice stern and $arental, 0That7s not how it7s done,8 0B"t +o" sa ed E er( and she7s not nearl+ as c"te(8 Ra+ne sa+s( kneelin# 'e%ore me 7til her %ace is le el with :harm7s, 0Ra+ne98 !amen starts, B"t she )"st la"#hs( #lancin# 'etween "s when she sa+s( 0J"st )okin#, Yo" know I7m )okin#( ri#ht>8 I look at her( knowin# she7s not( '"t not willin# to $ress it, J"st a'o"t to #et "$( wantin# to #et :harm 'ack 'e%ore Ma en ret"rns( when Rom+ kneels down 'eside me and $laces her hand on :harm7s head( closin# her e+es as she chants a series o% indeci$hera'le words, 0.o ma#ick(8 !amen scolds, 0.ot in this case,8 B"t Rom+ )"st si#hs( and sits 'ack on her heels, 0It7s not like it works an+wa+(8 she sa+s( still #a2in# at :harm, 0She looks )"st like Jin1 at that a#e( doesn7t she>8 05hich time>8 Ra+ne #i##les( n"d#in# her sister as the+ 'oth start to la"#h, 05e ma+ ha e e1tended her li%e a %ew times(8 Rom+ sa+s( cheeks $ink as she #lances 'etween "s( $rom$tin# me to look at !amen and think: See> B"t he )"st shakes his head, A#ain9Ma en> 0:an we #et a cat>8 Rom+ asks, 0A 'lack kitt+ like this>8 T"##in# on his slee e while #a2in# at him in a wa+ that7s hard to resist, 0The+7re wonder%"l com$anions and er+ #ood aro"nd the ho"se, 5hat do +o" sa+> :an we> -lease>8 0It7ll hel$ "s #et o"r ma#ick 'ack(8 Ra+ne adds( noddin# at him, I look at !amen( readin# his e1$ression and knowin# it7s as #ood as done, 5hate er the twins want( the twins #et, It7s as sim$le as that, 05e7ll disc"ss it later(8 !amen sa+s( attem$tin# a stern look( '"t the #est"re7s em$t+( e er+one knows it '"t him, I #et "$ %rom the co"ch and head %or the door( needin# to #et :harm 'ack to the ho"se 'e%ore Ma en ret"rns, 0Are +o" "$set with me>8 !amen #ras$s m+ hand and leads me to m+ car, I shake m+ head and smile, It7s im$ossi'le to 'e mad at him( or at least not %or er+ lon#, 0I7m not #onna lie( I was ho$in# +o"7d 'e on m+ side,8 I shr"#( coa1in# :harm into her carrier( 'e%ore leanin# a#ainst the door and $"llin# him close, 0B"t it7s not like I don7t #et +o"r $oint, I )"st wanted to hel$ Ma en( that7s all,8 0J"st 'e there %or her,8 Me nods( dark #a2e on mine, 0That7s all she reall+ wants %rom +o" an+wa+,8

Me leans in to kiss me( #atherin# me into his arms( his hands mo in# o er me and warmin# me to m+ core, -"llin# awa+ to #a2e at me with those dee$ so"l%"l e+es( the rock to m+ %eather( m+ eternal $artner( whose intentions are so solid and #ood I can onl+ ho$e he ne er learns o% m+ 'etra+al( rene#in# on m+ $romise not to isit Roman )"st a%ter sa+in# I wo"ldn7t, Me c"$s m+ %ace 'etween the $alms o% his hands and $eers into m+ e+es, Sensin# m+ mood shi%ts so easil+ it7s as tho"#h the+ are his, I a ert m+ #a2e( thinkin# a'o"t Ma en( Roman( the cat( and all the mo"ntin# mistakes I can7t seem to sto$ makin#, Then clearin# the tho"#hts and shakin# m+ head( "nwillin# to isit that $lace when I sa+( 0See +o" tomorrow>8 Barel+ %inishin# the words 'e%ore he leans in to kiss me a#ain( a sli$ o% ener#+ $"lsatin# 'etween his li$s and mine, Moldin# the moment %or as lon# as we can( neither o% "s willin# to 'reak awa+( "ntil a twin chor"s o%( 0Ew4 Cross4 !o we reall+ ha e to watch that>8 trails %rom the window "$stairs, 0Tomorrow,8 !amen smiles( seein# me sa%el+ into m+ car 'e%ore headin# inside,

nineteen

E er+thin# started o"t %ine, As %ine and normal as an+ other da+, I woke "$( showered( dressed( sto$$ed '+ the kitchen to toss some cereal down the sink 'e%ore chasin# it with some =J I7d swished in a #lass9m+ "s"al mornin# ro"tine so Sa'ine will think I ate the 'reak%ast she made, .oddin# and smilin# the whole wa+ to school as Miles +ammers on and on a'o"t Molt( or ?lorence( or Molt and ?lorence( as I sit there 'eside him( sto$$in#( t"rnin#( s$eedin#( slowin#( chasin# +ellow li#hts( waitin# %or the moment when I can see !amen a#ain, Gnowin# the mere si#ht o% him will t"rn all darkness to li#ht( e en i% the e%%ect is )"st tem$orar+, B"t the moment I $"ll into the lot the %irst thin# I see is a mammoth*si2ed SUB $arked ri#ht ne1t to the s$ace !amen7s sa in# %or me, And I mean mammoth( as in: 'i# and "#l+, And somethin# a'o"t the si#ht o% !amen leanin# a#ainst that whale o% a car %ills me with dread, 05hat the hell>8 Miles #a$es, 0Yo" #i e "$ ridin# the '"s so +o" can dri e a '"s instead>8 I clim' o"t o% m+ Miata( #lancin# 'etween Bi# U#l+ and !amen( hardl+ 'elie in# m+ ears when he starts 3"otin# a slew o% statistics a'o"t its s"$er' sa%et+ ratin# and room+ 'ack seats, I mean( I don7t remem'er him e er once carin# a'o"t the sa%et+ ratin# when he was cha"%%e"rin# me, That7s 'eca"se +o"7re immortal( he thinks( sensin# m+ tho"#hts as we head %or the #ate, B"t ma+ I remind +o"( the twins are not( and since the+ are now in m+ care( it7s m+ )o' to kee$ them %rom harm, I shake m+ head( #a2e narrowed as I tr+ to think o% a sna$$+ re$l+, M+ tho"#hts interr"$ted '+ Ma en who sa+s( 0Yo"7re doin# it a#ain,8 She crosses her arms and #lances 'etween "s, 0Yo" know( +o"r whole( weird( $se"do tele$ath+ thin#,8 05ho e en cares a'o"t that>8 Miles screeches, 0!amen7s dri in# a '"s48 Me hooks his th"m' o er his sho"lder( )a''in# toward the 'i#( 'lack monstrosit+ and wincin# at the si#ht o% it, 0Is it a '"s or a mom car>8 Ma en s3"ints( shieldin# her e+es %rom the s"n, Clancin# at each o% "s, 05hate er it is( one thin#7s %or s"re( it7s tra#icall+ middle*a#ed,8 Miles nods( %"ll+ warmed "$ to the s"')ect now, 0?irst the #lo e and now this>8 Me %rowns at !amen( disa$$ointment clo"din# his %ace, 0I ha e no idea what +o"7re "$ to( '"t d"de( +o" are serio"sl+ losin# +o"r ed#e, Yo"7re not e en close to the rock star +o" were when +o" %irst came to this school,8 I #lance at him( e+es narrowed in silent a#reement, B"t !amen )"st la"#hs( too concerned with the $ro$er care and %eedin# o% the twins to 'other with what an+one thinks9incl"din# me, And while that7s o' io"sl+ the wa+ a #ood( res$onsi'le( $arental*t+$e %i#"re sho"ld think( somethin# a'o"t it reall+ '"#s me, Miles and Ma en contin"e( teasin# !amen a'o"t his new( s"r$risin#l+ stod#+ wa+s( as I ta# alon#( a sli er o% ener#+ $"lsatin# 'etween "s as he #ra's m+ hand and thinks( 5hat7s #oin# on> 5h+ are +o" actin# like this> Is this 'eca"se o% the cat> I tho"#ht +o" "nderstood all o% that> I stare strai#ht ahead( %oc"sed on Miles and Ma en( si#hin# lo"dl+ as I mentall+ re$l+: It7s not the cat, 5e settled that +esterda+, She7s 'ack at Ma en7s( markin# her da+s, It7s )"st9well( it7s like( here I am( makin# m+sel% cra2+( tr+in# to %ind a sol"tion so we can 'e to#ether( and all +o" seem to care a'o"t is mani%estin# M!TBs and the world7s "#liest 'a'+$roo% car so +o" can cart the twins aro"nd town4 I shake m+ head( knowin# I need to sto$( 'e%ore I #o an+ %"rther and reall+ ha e somethin# to re#ret, 0E er+thin#7s chan#in#(8 I sa+( not reali2in# I said it o"t lo"d "ntil the words rin# in m+ ears, 0And I7m sorr+ i% I7m actin# like a 'rat( '"t I7m )"st so %r"strated that we can7t 'e to#ether in the wa+ that we want, And I miss +o", I miss +o" so 'ad I can7t stand it,8 I $a"se( e+es stin#in#( throat hot and ti#ht( threatenin# to close "$ com$letel+, 0And now that the twins are li in# with +o"( and with m+ new )o' startin# and all( well( it7s like( we7re s"ddenl+ thr"st into this s"$er stress%"l( middle*a#ed li%e, And tr"st me( seein# +o"r new car )"st now didn7t hel$,8 I $eer at him( thinkin# there7s no wa+ I7m ridin# in that thin#, Instantl+ ashamed when I see him lookin# at me with s"ch lo e and com$assion I can7t hel$ '"t %old, 0I #"ess I was ho$in# this s"mmer wo"ld 'e #reat( +o" know> I was ho$in# we co"ld ha e some %"n9)"st the two o% "s, B"t now it7s not lookin# so #ood, And( )"st to to$ thin#s o%%( did I e en mention that Sa'ine is datin# M"no2> M+ histor+ teacher> This ?rida+ ni#ht( dinner at ei#ht48 I scowl( hardl+ 'elie in# this $athetic li%e act"all+ 'elon#s to a s"$$osedl+ $ower%"l( newl+ immortal( almost se enteen*+ear*old #irl, 0Yo" #ot a )o'>8 Me sto$s in $lace as his e+es search mine, 0="t o% e er+thin# I )"st said that7s what +o"7re %oc"sin# on>8 I shake m+ head and $"ll him alon#( la"#hin# in s$ite o% m+sel%, B"t he )"st looks at me( #a2e %i1ed on mine as he sa+s( 05here>8 0M+stics and Moon'eams,8 I shr"#( watchin# Miles and Ma en wa e as the+ t"rn down the hall and head %or class, 0!oin# what>8 he asks( not read+ to dro$ it )"st +et, 0Retail st"%%( mainl+,8 I #a2e at him, 0Yo" know( workin# the re#ister( restockin# shel es( #i in# readin#s( st"%% like that,8 I shr"#( ho$in# he won7t $a+ m"ch notice to that last $art, -s+chic readin#s> Me #a$es( sto$$in# )"st sh+ o% o"r classroom, I nod( starin# lon#in#l+ as m+ classmates s$ill thro"#h the door( $re%errin# to )oin them than ha in# to %inish what I started, 0!o +o" think that7s smart> !rawin# that kind o% attention to +o"rsel%>8 Back to talkin# a#ain now that we7re alone in the hall, 0-ro'a'l+ not,8 I shr"#( knowin# it7s most de%initel+ not, 0B"t Sa'ine insists the disci$line and sta'ilit+ will do me some #ood, =r so she sa+s, She )"st wants to kee$ ta's on me, And short o% installin# a nann+ cam( this is the easiest( least in asi e wa+, She e en had this horri'le( so"l*s"ckin#( nine*to*%i e #i# all set "$ and read+ to #o( so when J"de said he needed some hel$ aro"nd the store( well( I didn7t ha e m"ch choice '"t to9what>8 I $a"se( seein# the look on his %ace( e+es #"arded( hard to read, 0J"de>8 Mis e+es narrowin# to where I can )"st 'arel+ see them, 0I tho"#ht +o" said someone named Hina owned the store,8 0Hina does own the store, J"de7s her #randson(8 I sa+( onl+ that7s not entirel+ tr"e, 05ell( he7s not her real #randson( it7s more like( she looks a%ter him, Mel$ed raise him a%ter he ran awa+ %rom his last %oster home9or9whate er,8 I shake m+ head, The last thin# I wanted was to start a con ersation a'o"t J"de( es$eciall+ with the wa+ !amen7s #one hi#h alert, 0I tho"#ht it mi#ht hel$( +o" know( allow "nlimited access to 'ooks and thin#s that mi#ht hel$ "s, Besides( it7s not like I7m workin# there "nder m+ real name, I7m "sin# an alias,8 0Het me #"ess,8 Me $eers into m+ e+es( seein# the answer dis$la+ed in m+ tho"#hts, 0A alon, :"te,8 Me smiles( '"t onl+ 'rie%l+ 'e%ore he7s #one serio"s a#ain, 0B"t +o" know how it works( ri#ht> It7s not like a con%essional where +o"7re shielded '+ a screen, -eo$le e1$ect %ace*to*%ace contact, The+ want to see +o" to know whether or not the+ can tr"st +o", So what e1actl+ are +o" $lannin# to do when someone +o" know )"st ha$$ens to walk in %or an im$rom$t" tarot card readin#> !id +o" e en think a'o"t that>8 I %rown( wonderin# wh+ he has to take what I tho"#ht was a $rett+ #ood deal and t"rn it into a $ro'lem, And I7m )"st a'o"t to deli er some sna$$+ re$l+( sa+ somethin# like: Mello> I7m $s+chic, I7ll know 'e%ore the+ e en #et thro"#h the door4 when Roman a$$ears, Roman and9someone else9someone a#"el+ %amiliar9someone named Marco who was last seen in a inta#e Ja#"ar( $"llin# "$ to his ho"se, 5alkin# side '+ side( le#s mo in# swi%tl+( e+es %oc"sed on mine, Roman7s #a2e ta"ntin#( mockin#( the $ro"d owner o% m+ dirt+ little secret, !amen mo es to shield me( #a2e on Roman as he thinks: Sta+ calm, !on7t do a thin#, I7ll handle this, I $eer o er his sho"lder( watchin# as Roman and Marco 'arrel toward "s like an oncomin# train, Ca2in# at me with e+es so dee$( so 'l"e( e er+thin# 'l"rs '"t his moist #rinnin# li$s and %lashin# ="ro'oros tattoo, And the last thin# I think( 'e%ore I7m s"cked in com$letel+( is that this is m+ %a"lt, I% I7d ke$t m+ $romise to !amen and sta+ed awa+ %rom him( I wo"ldn7t 'e %acin# this now,

Mis ener#+ swirls toward me( t"##in#( $"llin#( l"rin# me in( s"ckin# me into a s$iral o% darkness( 'om'ardin# me with ima#es o% !amen9the tainted antidote9m+ ill*ad ised isit9Ma en9Miles9?lorence9the twins9all o% it comin# so 3"ickl+ I can 'arel+ distin#"ish 'etween them, B"t the indi id"al ima#es themsel es aren7t im$ortant9it7s the whole he wants me to see, All o% it meant to ill"strate one sin#le thin#: Roman7s in char#e now9the rest o% "s are )"st $"$$ets( $"lled '+ his strin#s, 0Mornin7( mates48 he sin#s( releasin# me %rom his #ri$ as m+ 'od+ %alls lim$ a#ainst !amen7s, B"t des$ite his sweet m"rm"rin#s as he "shers me awa+ %rom Roman and into the room( des$ite the so%t reass"rances intended to soothe( con inced that we7 e )"st dod#ed a '"llet and it7s o er %or now( I ha$$en to know it7s onl+ 'e#"n, More is comin#, There7s no do"'t, Roman7s ne1t shot is aimed solel+ at me,

twent+

A%ter l"nch I head %or M+stics and Moon'eams, Ea#er to start m+ on*the*)o' trainin#( ho$in# it7ll $ro ide a nice distraction %rom the mess otherwise known as m+ li%e, It was 'ad eno"#h when !amen ke$t disa$$earin# 'etween classes so he co"ld check in on the twins( '"t '+ l"nch( when I ass"red him I was %ine( that Roman wo"ldn7t 'other me( and that he sho"ld )"st sta+ home( I headed %or o"r ta'le onl+ to learn that Ma en has 'oarded the Roman train, -ickin# a$art a anilla*%rosted c"$cake while #"shin# a'o"t the 'i# $art he $la+ed in sec"rin# her the )o' at the inta#e store( des$ite her arri in# at the inter iew ten min"tes late, And all I co"ld do was m"m'le an occasional word o% dissent( which didn7t #o o er so well, So a%ter her third e1cr"ciatin#l+ dramatic e+e roll( a%ter tellin# me to rela1 and "nclench %or the "m$teenth time( I tossed m+ "neaten sandwich and made %or the #ate, Bowin# to kee$ an e+e on her( do whate er it takes to kee$ them %rom #ettin# to#ether, J"st one more item on m+ #rowin# to*do list, I $"ll into the alle+( $arkin# in one o% two s$aces 'ehind the store 'e%ore headin# toward the %ront( hal% e1$ectin# to %ind the door locked( %i#"rin# J"de co"ldn7t resist the call o% killer wa es on s"ch a 'ea"ti%"l da+( and s"r$rised to %ind it wide o$en( with J"de 'ehind the re#ister( rin#in# a sale, 0=h he+( here7s A alon now,8 Me nods, 0I was )"st tellin# S"san a'o"t o"r new $s+chic reader( and +o" walk in on c"e,8 S"san t"rns( lookin# me o er( scr"tini2in#( accessin#( addin# "$ all the $arts in her head, S"re she7s aced the e3"ation when she sa+s( 0Aren7t +o" a little9+o"n# to 'e #i in# readin#s>8 She #i es me a sm"# look, I smile( an awkward slantin# o% li$s( as m+ #a2e darts 'etween them( "ns"re how to res$ond( es$eciall+ with the wa+ J"de7s lookin# at me, 0Bein# $s+chic is a #i%t(8 I m"m'le( nearl+ chokin# on the word, Remem'erin# a time( not lon# a#o( when I sco%%ed at the tho"#ht( s"re it was an+thin# '"t, 0It7s #ot nothin# to do with a#e(8 I add( watchin# her a"ra %licker and %lare( knowin# I7 e %ailed to con ince her, 0Yo" either ha e it( or +o" don7t,8 I shr"#( di##in# m+sel% a er+ dee$ hole, 0So( sho"ld I 'ook +o" a readin#>8 J"de asks( smilin# in a wa+ that7s hard to resist, B"t not %or S"san, Shakin# her head and cl"tchin# her 'a#( she heads %or the door( sa+in#( 0Yo" )"st #i e me a call when A a comes 'ack,8 The 'ell clan#s lo"dl+ as the door closes 'ehind her, 05ell( that went well,8 I shr"#( t"rnin# toward J"de and watchin# him %ile the recei$t 'e%ore addin#( 0Is m+ a#e #oin# to 'e a $ro'lem here>8 0Yo" si1teen>8 he asks( 'arel+ #lancin# at me, I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and nod, 0Then +o"7re old eno"#h to work here, S"san7s a $s+chic )"nkie( she won7t resist %or lon#, She7ll 'e on +o"r si#n*"$ sheet 'e%ore +o" know it,8 0-s+chic )"nkie> Is that an+thin# like a #ro"$ie>8 I %ollow him to the o%%ice in 'ack( noticin# he7s wearin# the e1act same tr"nks and $eace*si#n tee as 'e%ore, 0:an7t make a mo e witho"t cons"ltin# the cards( the stars( what ha e +o",8 Me nods, 0Tho"#h I7m #"essin# +o" #athered +o"r share o% re#"lars in the co"rse o% all the readin#s +o"7 e #i en,8 Me #lances o er his sho"lder as he o$ens the door( e+es narrowed( knowin#( in a wa+ I can7t miss, 0A'o"t that98 I start( %i#"rin# I ma+ as well con%ess since he7s o' io"sl+ on to me an+wa+, B"t he )"st t"rns( hand raised( determined to sto$ me when he sa+s( 0-lease( no con%essionals,8 Smilin# and shakin# his head, 0I% I ha e an+ ho$e o% en)o+in# those h"#e swells o"t there( then I don7t ha e the l"1"r+ o% re#rettin# m+ decision, Tho"#h +o" mi#ht want to rethink that 'it a'o"t it 'ein# a #i%t,8 I look at him( s"r$rised to hear him sa+ that since all the $s+chics I7 e met( which( oka+( $rett+ m"ch consists o% )"st A a( '"t still( most o% them think it7s most certainl+ somethin# +o"7re 'orn with, 0I7m thinkin# o% addin# some classes to the sched"le( $s+chic de elo$ment st"%%( ma+'e e en throw in some 5icca as well( and tr"st me( we7ll #et a lot more si#n*"$s i% e er+one thinks the+ ha e a %air shot,8 0B"t do the+>8 I ask( watchin# as he heads %or an e1tremel+ mess+ desk and ri%%les thro"#h a $ile o% $a$ers near the ed#e, 0S"re,8 Me nods( $ickin# "$ a sheet( lookin# it o er( then shakin# his head as he swa$s it %or another, 0E er+one has the $otential( it7s )"st a matter o% de elo$in# it, 5ith some it comes eas+( the+ co"ldn7t i#nore it i% the+ tried( with others9the+ ha e to di# a little dee$er to %ind it, And +o"> 5hen did +o" know>8 Me looks at me( those sea #reen e+es meetin# mine in a wa+ that makes m+ stomach dance, I mean( one min"te he7s talkin# a'stractedl+( th"m'in# thro"#h $a$ers as tho"#h he7s 'arel+ mindin# his words( then the ne1t e er+thin# sto$s( his #a2e is on mine( and it7s like time has stood still, I swallow hard( "ns"re what to sa+( $art o% me lon#in# to con%ess( knowin# he7s one o% the %ew who wo"ld "nderstand( '"t the other $art resists9 !amen7s the onl+ one who knows m+ stor+( and I %eel like I sho"ld kee$ it that wa+, 0J"st 'orn with it( I #"ess,8 I li%t m+ sho"lders( crin#in# at the wa+ m+ oice rose at the end, M+ e+es dart aro"nd the room( ho$in# to a oid the to$ic as well as his #a2e when I add( 0So9classes, 5ho7s teachin# those>8 Me shr"#s( tiltin# his head in a wa+ that allows his dread*locks to %all into his %ace, 0C"ess I will(8 he sa+s( $"shin# them 'ack and re ealin# the scar on his 'row, 0It7s somethin# I7 e 'een wantin# to do %or a while an+wa+( '"t Hina7s alwa+s 'een a#ainst it, I %i#"re I ma+ as well take ad anta#e o% her not 'ein# here to see i% it works,8 05h+7s she a#ainst it>8 I ask( stomach settlin# when he leans 'ack and $ro$s his %eet on his desk, 0She likes to kee$ it sim$le9'ooks( m"sic( an#el %i#"rines( with the occasional readin# thrown in, Sa%e, Beni#n, Mainstream m+sticism where no one #ets h"rt,8 0And +o"r wa+> -eo$le #et h"rt>8 I st"d+ him( tr+in# to $in$oint )"st what it is a'o"t him that sets me on ed#e, 0.ot at all, M+ #oal is to em$ower $eo$le( hel$ them li e 'etter( more %"l%illed li es( '+ accessin# their own int"ition( that7s all,8 Me #lances at me( #reen e+es catchin# me starin#( makin# m+ stomach #o weird a#ain, 0And Hina doesn7t want to em$ower $eo$le>8 I ask( %eelin# all %l"tter+ "nder his #a2e, 05ith knowled#e comes $ower, And since $ower tends to corr"$t( she thinks it7s too 'i# a risk, E en tho"#h I7 e #ot no $lans to #o an+where near the dark arts( she7s con inced the+7ll %ind their wa+ in( that the classes I teach will onl+ lead to harder( darker st"%%,8 I nod( thinkin# o% Roman and !rina and de%initel+ seein# Hina7s $oint, -ower in the wron# hands is indeed a dan#ero"s thin#, 0An+wa+( +o" interested>8 Me smiles, M+ e+es meet his( "ns"re what he means, 0In teachin# a class>8 I 'alk( wonderin# i% he7s )okin# or serio"s( then seein# he7s neither( )"st $"ttin# it o"t there, 0Tr"st me( I don7t know the %irst thin# a'o"t 5icca( or9or an+ o% it reall+, I7 e no idea how it works, I7m 'etter o%% )"st #i in# the occasional readin#( and ma+'e e en tr+in# to or#ani2e this mess,8 I #est"re toward his desk( the shel es( )"st a'o"t e er+ a aila'le s"r%ace that7s '"ried 'eneath a mo"nd o% $a$ers and )"nk, 0I was ho$in# +o"7d sa+ that,8 Me la"#hs, 0=h( and )"st so +o" know( I clocked o"t the moment +o" walked in, Cone s"r%in# i% an+one asks,8 Me #ets "$( mo in# toward the s"r%'oard leanin# a#ainst the %ar wall, 0I don7t e1$ect +o" to #et it com$letel+ or#ani2ed or an+thin#( it7s too 'i# a mess, B"t i% +o" co"ld #et it into some kind o% order( well98 Me nods( lookin# at me, 0Yo" )"st mi#ht #et a #old star,8

0I7d rather ha e a $la3"e(8 I sa+( $retendin# to 'e serio"s, 0Yo" know( somethin# nice that I can han# on the wall, =r e en a stat"ette, =r a tro$h+9a tro$h+ wo"ld 'e #ood,8 0Mow a'o"t +o"r own $arkin# s$ace o"t 'ack> I can $ro'a'l+ swin# that,8 0Tr"st me( +o" alread+ ha e,8 I la"#h, 0Yeah( '"t this one will ha e +o"r name on it, Reser ed %or +o" onl+, .o one will 'e allowed to $ark in it( not e en o%% ho"rs, I7ll $ost a 'i# warnin# that reads: :AUTI=.4 TMIS S-A:E RESERBE! ?=R ABAH=. =.HY, AHH =TMERS 5IHH BE T=5E! A5AY AT TMEIR =5. EY-E.SE,8 0Yo"7d do that> ?or reals>8 I la"#h( e+es meetin# his, Me #ra's his 'oard( %in#ers #ri$$in# the ed#e as he hea es it "nder his arm, 0Yo" #et this $lace cleaned "$ and there7s no limit to the rewards that await +o", Toda+ Em$lo+ee o% the Month( tomorrow98 Me shr"#s( tossin# his dreads o%% his %orehead and e1$osin# his ama2in#l+ c"te %ace, ="r #a2es lock( and I know he7s ca"#ht me a#ain9ca"#ht me lookin#9wonderin#9thinkin# he7s c"te, So I 3"ickl+ look awa+( scratchin# at m+ arm( %iddlin# with m+ slee e( an+thin# to mo e $ast this moment toward somethin# less awkward, 0There7s a monitor in the corner there,8 Me nods toward the %ar wall( 'ack to '"siness a#ain, 0That( com'ined with the 'ell on the door( sho"ld alert +o" to an+one comin# in when +o"7re workin# 'ack here,8 0That( the 'ell on the door( and the %act that I7m $s+chic(8 I sa+( tr+in# to so"nd li#hthearted( tho"#h m+ oice is a little shak+( ha in# not %"ll+ reco ered %rom the awkwardness 'e%ore, 0Hike the wa+ +o" accessed +o"r $owers when I sn"ck "$ on +o">8 he asks( smilin# in a nice o$en wa+( tho"#h his e+es are holdin# 'ack, 0That was di%%erent,8 I shr"#, 0Yo" o' io"sl+ know how to shield +o"r ener#+, Most $eo$le don7t,8 0And +o" know how to shield +o"r a"ra,8 Me s3"ints( head cocked to the side( those #olden dreadlocks %allin# hal%wa+ down his arm as he %oc"ses in on m+ ri#ht, 0B"t I7m s"re we7ll #et to that later,8 I swallow hard( $retendin# not to notice how his i'rant +ellow a"ra #oes a little $ink at the ed#es, 0An+wa+( it7s all $rett+ sel%*e1$lanator+, The %iles need to 'e al$ha'eti2ed( and i% +o" co"ld se$arate 7em '+ s"')ect( that7d 'e #reat, =h( and don7t 'other ta##in# the cr+stals or her's i% +o"7re not %amiliar with them( I7d hate to #et 7em con%"sed, Tho"#h i% +o" are %amiliar98 Me smiles( 'row raised in s"ch a wa+ I immediatel+ start scratchin# m+ arm a#ain, I #a2e at the #leamin# $iles o% cr+stals( some o% which I reco#ni2e %rom the eli1irs I made and the am"let I wear at m+ neck( '"t most o% which are so %orei#n the+7re not e en a#"el+ %amiliar, 0!o +o" ha e a 'ook or somethin#>8 I ask( ho$in# he does since I7d lo e to learn more a'o"t their ama2in# a'ilities, 0Yo" know( so I can89 ?ind a wa+ to slee$ with m+ immortal 'o+%riend someda+90so I can #et them all ta##ed $ro$erl+9and9st"%%,8 I nod( ho$in# to a$$ear like a hard worker rather than the sel%*moti ated slacker I am, 5atchin# as he dro$s his s"r%'oard and t"rns 'ack toward his desk( sh"%%lin# thro"#h a $ile o% 'ooks and retrie in# a small( thick( well*worn tome %rom the 'ottom o% the stack, T"rnin# it o er in his hands( and #a2in# at the 'ack when he sa+s( 0This has it all, I% a cr+stal7s not in it( it doesn7t e1ist, It7s also loaded with $ict"res so +o" can identi%+ them, An+wa+( it sho"ld hel$(8 he adds( tossin# it to me, I catch it 'etween the $alms o% m+ hands( its $a#es i'ratin# with li%e as the contents s"r#e thro"#h me, The entire 'ook now im$rinted on m+ 'rain as I smile and sa+( 0Belie e me( it alread+ has,8

twent+*one

I stare at the monitor( makin# s"re J"de has le%t 'e%ore takin# the seat 'ehind the desk and #a2in# at the $ile o% cr+stals, Gnowin# the 'ook alone wasn7t eno"#h9the+ need to 'e handled to 'e "nderstood, B"t )"st as I reach %or a lar#e red rock marked '+ streaks o% +ellow( m+ knee knocks a#ainst the side o% the desk( and m+ entire 'od+ #rows itch+ and warm9a s"re si#n that somethin# needs m+ attention, I $"sh the chair 'ack and lean %orward( $eerin# "nder the desk( noticin# how the sensation #rows stron#er the lower I #o, ?ollowin# the %eelin# "ntil I7 e slid o%% m+ seat and dro$$ed to the %loor( %"m'lin# aro"nd %or the so"rce( the ti$s o% m+ %in#ers #rowin# "n'eara'l+ hot the second I to"ch the 'ottom le%t drawer, I lean 'ack on m+ heels( s3"intin# at the old 'rass lock9the kind o% deterrent meant to kee$ honest $eo$le honest( and diss"ade those who don7t know how to mani$"late ener#+ like me9closin# m+ e+es as I ease the drawer o$en( onl+ to %ind a $ile o% han#in# %iles that are no lon#er han#in#( an ancient calc"lator( and a $ile o% old and +ellowed recei$ts, J"st a'o"t to close it a#ain when I sense the %alse 'ottom 'eneath, I scoo$ "$ the $a$ers and toss them aside 'e%ore li%tin# the hatch and e1$osin# an old( worn( leather*'o"nd tome( its $a#es c"rled and %ra+in# like a lost ancient scroll( the words Book o% Shadows inscri'ed on its %ront, I $lace it onto the desk 'e%ore me( then sit there and stare, 5onderin# wh+ someone wo"ld #o to so m"ch tro"'le to kee$ this 'ook hidden9and %rom whom> Is Hina hidin# it %rom J"de> =r is it the other wa+ aro"nd> And since there7s onl+ one wa+ to %ind o"t( I close m+ e+es and $ress m+ $alm to its %ront( $lannin# to read it in m+ "s"al wa+ "ntil I7m slammed '+ a s"r#e o% ener#+ so intense( so %renetic( so chaotic9it $racticall+ sna$ crackles m+ 'ones, I7m h"rled 'ackward( m+ chair hittin# the wall with s"ch %orce it lea es a h"#e dent, The %lickerin# remnants o% random ima#es still 3"i erin# 'e%ore me( and knowin# %"ll well wh+ it was hidden9it7s a 'ook o% witchcra%t and s$ells, !i inations and incantations, :ontainin# $owers so $otent it wo"ld 'e com$letel+ catastro$hic in the wron# hands, I stead+ m+ 'reath and stare at the co er( calmin# m+sel% 'e%ore I attem$t to th"m' thro"#h it, ?in#ers twitchin#( to"chin# onl+ the ed#es( as I $eer at a c"rsi e so small it7s nearl+ im$ossi'le to deci$her, The '"lk o% the $a#es inscri'ed with all manner o% s+m'ols( remindin# me o% the alchemical )o"rnals !amen7s %ather "sed to kee$9care%"ll+ written in code in order to $rotect the secrets within, I %li$ to the middle( takin# in a %ine( detailed sketch o% a #ro"$ o% $eo$le dancin# "nder a %"ll moon( %ollowed '+ those o% similar $eo$le en#a#ed in com$le1 rit"als, ?in#ers ho erin# a'o e the scratch+ old $a$er and s"ddenl+ knowin# dee$ in m+ 'ones that this is no mistake, I was meant to %ind this 'ook, J"st like Roman h+$noti2ed m+ classmates and $"t them all "nder his s$ell( all I ha e to do is wea e the ri#ht incantation to con ince him to di "l#e the in%ormation I need4 I t"rn the $a#e( ea#er to %ind the ri#ht one( )"st as the 'ell on the sho$ door rin#s and I $eer at the monitor to con%irm it, Unwillin# to '"d#e 7til I7m s"re the+7re not #oin# to t"rn ri#ht aro"nd and lea e( that the+7re tr"l+ committed to sta+in#, 5atchin# as the small( slim( 'lack*and*white %i#"re makes her wa+ thro"#h the room9ner o"sl+ #lancin# o er her sho"lder as tho"#h e1$ectin# to %ind someone there, And )"st as I7m ho$in# she7ll lea e( she #oes strai#ht %or the co"nter( $laces her hands on the #lass( and waits $atientl+, Creat, I #et "$ %rom the desk, J"st what I need9a c"stomer, :allin#( 0:an I hel$ +o">8 'e%ore I7 e e en had a chance to t"rn the corner and see that it7s Monor, The second she sees me she #as$s( )aw dro$$in#( e+es widenin#( a$$earin# almost9%ri#htened> The two o% "s #a$e at each other( wonderin# how to mo e $ast this, 0Um( do +o" need somethin#>8 I sa+( oice so"ndin# more con%ident than I %eel( as tho"#h I reall+ am in char#e aro"nd here, Takin# in her lon# dark hair( the recent addition o% co$$er streaks #lintin# "nder the li#hts( reali2in# I7 e ne er seen her alone "ntil now, .e er once 'een con%ronted '+ her( )"st the two o% "s( witho"t Stacia or :rai#, M+ mind wanders to the 'ook in the 'ack( the one I le%t on the desk( the one I need to ret"rn to immediatel+( ho$in# whate er it is that she wants can 'e handled 3"ickl+ and easil+, 0Ma+'e I7m in the wron# $lace,8 She $"lls her sho"lders in( twistin# a sil er rin# aro"nd and aro"nd as her cheeks s$ot 'ri#ht $ink, 0I think I98 She swallows hard and #lances 'ack at the door( motionin# awkwardl+ as she sa+s( 0I think I made a mistake( so I7m9I7m )"st #onna #o98 I watch as she t"rns( her a"ra #lowin# a trem"lo"s #ra+ as she heads %or the door, And e en tho"#h I don7t want to do it( e en tho"#h I ha e a $otentiall+ li%e*chan#in#( $ro'lem*sol in# 'ook to ret"rn to( I sa+( 0It7s not a mistake,8 She sto$s( sho"lders h"nched( lookin# small and dimin"ti e witho"t the aid o% her '"ll+ %riend, 0Serio"sl+(8 I add, 0Yo" meant to come here, And who knows> Ma+'e I can hel$,8 She takes a dee$ 'reath( $a"sin# %or so lon# I7m a'o"t to s$eak a#ain when she t"rns, 0There7s this #"+,8 She $icks at the hem o% her shorts and #a2es at me, 0J"de,8 Sensin# the answer witho"t readin# her tho"#hts or to"chin# her skin( )"st knowin# the moment m+ e+es meet hers, 0Yeah( "m( I #"ess, An+wa+( I "m98 She shakes her head and starts a#ain, 05ell( I was )"st wonderin# i% he was here, Me #a e me this,8 She $"lls a cr"m$led $iece o% $a$er %rom her $ocket and la+s it %lat a#ainst the #lass( smoothin# the creases as she $eers "$ at me, 0Me7s not here(8 I m"m'le( e+es #ra2in# o er the %l+er ad ertisin# his -s+chic !e elo$ment :lass le el K( thinkin# how he wasted no time, 0Yo" want to lea e a messa#e> =r si#n "$>8 I st"d+ her care%"ll+( ne er ha in# seen her so sh+ and "ncom%orta'le 'e%ore9with the rin# twistin#( e+e dartin#( knee twitchin#9and knowin# it7s 'eca"se o% me, She shr"#s( #a2in# down at the co"nter as tho"#h %ascinated '+ the )ewelr+ inside, 0.o( "m( don7t sa+ an+thin#, I7ll )"st come 'ack some other time,8 She takes a dee$ 'reath and $"lls her sho"lders 'ack( tr+in# to s"mmon some o% the "s"al re "lsion reser ed )"st %or me( '"t %ailin# misera'l+, And e en tho"#h $art o% me wants to soothe her( calm her( con ince her there7s reall+ no reason to act like this9I don7t, I )"st watch as she lea es( makin# s"re the door closes 'ehind her 'e%ore headin# 'ack to the 'ook,

twent+*two

0So how was +o"r %irst da+ at work>8 I dro$ onto the co"ch( kick o%% m+ shoes( and $ro$ m+ %eet "$ on the car ed wood co%% ee ta'le( closin# m+ e+es( and si#hin# dramaticall+ as I sa+( 0Act"all+( it was a lot easier than +o"7d think,8 !amen la"#hs and sinks down 'eside me, Smoothin# m+ hair o%% m+ %ace when he sa+s( 0Then what7s with all the %ati#"e and theatrics>8 I shr"#( scr"nchin# down e en lower( sinkin# as dee$ as I can into the $l"sh( o erst"%%ed c"shions( e+es still closed as I sa+( 0I don7t know, Ma+'e it7s #ot somethin# to do with the 'ook I %o"nd, It le%t me %eelin# a little9%ra#mented, B"t then( it mi#ht ha e somethin# to do with m+ s"r$rise isit with98 0Yo" read a 'ook>8 Mis li$s trail down the len#th o% m+ neck( %illin# m+ 'od+ with tin#le and heat, 0As in( the traditional wa+>8 I mo e closer( throwin# m+ le# o er his and sn"##lin# in( ea#er %or the almost %eel o% his skin, 0Belie e me( I tried to take the eas+ wa+ o"t and )"st sense it instead( '"t it was like9I don7t know9it was the weirdest e1$erience,8 I look at him( willin# his e+es to meet mine( '"t the+ remain closed as he '"ries his %ace in m+ hair, 0It was like9like the knowled#e inside was too $ower%"l to 'e read in that wa+( +o" know> And it #a e me this terri'le )olt o% electricit+9like a shock that rattled m+ 'ones, 5hich onl+ made me e en more c"rio"s( which is wh+ I tried to read it the normal wa+, =nl+ I didn7t #et er+ %ar,8 0="t o% $ractice>8 Me smiles( li$s now at m+ ear 0More like I co"ldn7t "nderstand it,8 I shr"#, 0It7s mostl+ in code, And the $arts that are En#lish( well( it was like9olde En#lish, Yo" know( like the kind +o" "sed to s$eak,8 I $"ll awa+ and $eer at him( smilin# when I see the look o% mock o"tra#e dis$la+ed on his %ace, 0.ot to mention the $rint was reall+ small and it was %illed with all these weird sketches and s+m'ols makin# "$ s$ells and in ocations( that sort o% thin#, 5hat9wh+ are +o" lookin# at me like that>8 I $a"se( sensin# a ma)or ener#+ shi%t as his 'od+ #rows tense 05hat7s the name o% this 'ook>8 he asks( #a2e %oc"sed on mine, I s3"int( screwin# m+ li$s to the side( tr+in# to remem'er what the %anc+ #old letterin# said, 0The Book o%9Somethin#98 I shake m+ head( %eelin# more tired and %ra#mented than I $re%er to let on( es$eciall+ a%ter seein# the concern on his %ace, 0Shadows,8 Me nods( wearin# a %rown, 0The Book o% Shadows, Is that it>8 0So +o" know it>8 I shi%t( arran#in# m+ 'od+ "ntil I7m %"ll+ %acin# him( his #a2e serio"s( %i1ed( as tho"#h wei#hin# somethin# he ma+ or ma+ not tell me, 0I7m %amiliar,8 Me st"dies m+ %ace, 0B"t onl+ with its re$"tation, I7 e ne er had a chance to read it m+sel%, B"t( E er( i% it7s the same tome I7m thinkin# o% 98 Me shakes his head( dis3"iet clo"din# his %ace, 05ell( it contains some e1tremel+ $ower%"l ma#ick9ma#ick that needs to 'e a$$roached with the "tmost ca"tion and care, Ma#ick that de%initel+ sho"ld not 'e to+ed with( "nderstand>8 0So I #"ess +o"7re sa+in# it works,8 I smile( ho$in# to li#hten the mood( '"t knowin# I7 e %ailed when he doesn7t ret"rn it, 0It7s nothin# like the ma#ick we "se, It ma+ seem like it at %irst( and I s"$$ose that when stri$$ed down to its er+ essence( it does amo"nt to the same sort o% thin#, B"t when we e oke the ener#+ o% the "ni erse to mani%est %orm( we call "$on onl+ the $"rest and 'ri#htest o% li#ht with no darkness at all, And e en tho"#h most ma#ick $ractitioners or witches are #ood( sometimes when $eo$le #et in ol ed in witchcra%t the+ #et in o er their heads( and wind "$ takin# a m"ch darker $ath( callin# on a more male olent %orce to #et the )o' done,8 I #a$e( ne er ha in# heard him e en acknowled#e a dark %orce 'e%ore, 0E er+thin# we do is alwa+s 'ased either %or the #reater #ood( or o"r own #ood, 5e ne er do an+thin# to ca"se an+ harm,8 0I wo"ldn7t sa+ ne er(8 I m"m'le( remem'erin# all the times I7 e 'eaten Stacia at her own #ame( or at least tried to, 0-ett+ school+ard s3"a''le is hardl+ what I7m #ettin# at,8 Me dismisses m+ tho"#hts, 05hat I meant was( we mani$"late matter not $eo$le, B"t resortin# to s$ell castin# to #et what +o" want98 Me shakes his head, 05ell( that7s a whole other #ame, Ask Rom+ and Ra+ne,8 I look at him, 0The+ are witches( +o" know, Cood witches( o% co"rse( ones who were ta"#ht er+ well9tho"#h "n%ort"natel+ %or them( their schoolin# was c"t a 'it short, B"t take Roman( %or instance( he7s the $er%ect e1am$le o% what can #o wron# when one7s e#o( #reed( and insatia'le need %or $ower and re en#e steer them toward the dark side, Mis recent "se o% h+$nosis is a $rime e1am$le o% that,8 Me looks at me( shakin# his head, 0-lease tell me +o" didn7t %ind this 'ook on the shel%9o"t where )"st an+one can #et it,8 I cross m+ le#s and shake m+ head( %in#ers tracin# the seam on his slee e, 0It was nothin# like that(8 I sa+, 0This co$+ was9old, And I mean( reall+( reall+ old, Yo" know( all %ra#ile and ancient9like it sho"ld 'e in a m"se"m or somethin#, Tr"st me( whoe er it 'elon#s to didn7t want an+one to know a'o"t it@ the+ went to #reat len#ths to hide it, B"t +o" know that can7t reall+ sto$ me,8 I smile( ho$in# he7ll smile too( '"t his #a2e remains "nchan#ed( worried e+es starin# ri#ht into mine, 05ho do +o" think is "sin# it> Hina or J"de>8 he asks( "sin# their names so cas"all+ +o"7d think the+ were %riends, 0!oes it matter>8 I shr"#, Me st"dies me a moment lon#er( then a erts his #a2e, Mind wanderin# to some lon#*a#o $lace( somewhere I7 e ne er 'een, 0So( is that it( then> A 'rie% enco"nter with the Book o% Shadows( and +o"7re all t"ckered o"t>8 he sa+s( ret"rnin# to me, 0T"ckered>8 I li%t a 'row and shake m+ head, Mis odd choice o% words ne er %ails to am"se me, 0Too dated>8 Mis li$s c"r e into a #rin, 0A little,8 I nod( la"#hin# alon# with him, 0Yo" sho"ldn7t make %"n o% the elderl+, It7s 3"ite r"de( don7t +o" think>8 Me $la+%"ll+ ch"cks me "nder the chin, 0E"ite,8 I nod( 3"ieted '+ the %eel o% his %in#ers stra+in# o er m+ cheek( down m+ neck( all the wa+ to m+ chest, 5e rest o"r heads a#ainst the c"shions and #a2e at each other( his hands mo in# nim'l+( de%tl+( makin# their wa+ o er m+ clothes( 'oth o% "s wishin# it co"ld lead to somethin# more( '"t determined to 'e contented with this, 0So what else ha$$ened at work>8 he whis$ers( $ressin# his li$s to m+ skin( the e er*$resent eil ho erin# 'etween "s, 0!id some or#ani2in#( catalo#in#( %ilin#9oh( and then Monor came in,8 Me $"lls awa+( %eat"res rearran#ed into his I told +o" so #a2e, 0Rela1, It7s not like she was lookin# %or a readin# or an+thin#, =r at least she didn7t seem to 'e,8 05hat7d she want>8 0J"de( I #"ess,8 I li%t m+ sho"lders( inchin# m+ %in#ers "nder the hem o% his shirt( %eelin# his smooth e1$anse o% skin and wishin# I co"ld crawl "nder there too, 0It was weird seein# her alone tho"#h, Yo" know( witho"t Stacia or :rai#, It7s like she was a totall+ di%%erent $erson9all sh+ and awkward( com$letel+ trans%ormed,8 0Yo" think she likes J"de>8 Mis %in#ers trace the line o% m+ collar'one( his to"ch so warm( so $er%ect( 'arel+ dimmed '+ the eil, I shr"#( '"r+in# m+ %ace in the shallow B o% his shirt( inhalin# his warm m"sk+ scent, !etermined to i#nore the wa+ m+ stomach )"st di$$ed when he s$oke, Ma in# no idea what it means or wh+ I sho"ld care i% Monor likes J"de( '"t $re%errin# to $"sh it awa+ nonetheless, 05h+> !o +o" think I sho"ld warn him> Yo" know( tell him what she7s reall+ like>8 M+ li$s $"shin# into the hollow at the 'ase o% his neck( ri#ht ne1t to the cord that holds his am"let, Me shi%ts( rearran#in# his lim's( $"llin# awa+ as he sa+s( 0I% he7s as #i%ted as +o" sa+( then he sho"ld 'e a'le to read her ener#+ and see %or himsel%,8

Me #a2es at me( oice care%"l( meas"red( o erl+ controlled in a wa+ I7m not "sed to, 0Besides( do we e en know what she7s reall+ like> ?rom what +o"7 e descri'ed( we onl+ know her "nder the in%l"ence o% Stacia, She ma+ 'e 3"ite nice on her own,8 I s3"int( tr+in# to ima#ine a nicer ersion o% Monor( '"t "na'le to #et there, 0B"t still(8 I sa+, 0J"de has a ha'it o% %allin# %or all the wron# #irls and98 I sto$( meetin# his #a2e and sensin# that thin#s ha e taken a de%inite t"rn %or the worse( tho"#h I7 e no idea wh+, 0Yo" know what> .e er mind all that, It7s 'orin# and st"$id and not worth o"r time, Het7s talk a'o"t somethin# else( oka+>8 I lean toward him( aimin# m+ li$s toward the ed#e o% his )aw( antici$atin# the $rickle and scratch o% the st"''le that #rows there, 0Het7s talk a'o"t somethin# that has nothin# to do with m+ )o'( or the twins( or +o"r "#l+ new car98 Mo$in# he was more am"sed than o%% ended '+ that, 0Somethin# that doesn7t make me %eel 3"ite so9old and 'orin#,8 0Are +o" sa+in# +o"7re 'ored>8 Me looks at me( e+es wide( a#hast, I li%t m+ sho"lders and scr"nch m+ %ace( wishin# I co"ld $retend otherwise( '"t also not wantin# to lie, 0A little,8 I nod, 0I mean( I7m sorr+ to sa+ it( '"t this whole c"ddlin# on the co"ch while the kids slee$ "$stairs98 I shake m+ head, 0It7s one thin# when +o"7re 'a'+sittin#( '"t it7s a little cree$+ when the kids are essentiall+ +o"rs, I mean( I know we7re still ad)"stin# and all9'"t9well9I #"ess what I7m tr+in# to sa+ is( it7s startin# to %eel like a r"t,8 I $eer at him( li$s $ressed ti#htl+ to#ether( "ns"re how he7ll take that, 0Yo" know how to #et o"t o% a r"t( don7t +o">8 Me )"m$s to his %eet so swi%tl+ he7s a shin+( dark 'l"r, I shake m+ head( reco#ni2in# that look in his e+e %rom when we %irst met, Back when thin#s were %"n( e1citin#( "n$redicta'le in e er+ wa+, 0The onl+ esca$e is to 'reak %ree,8 Me la"#hs( #ras$in# m+ hand and leadin# me awa+,

twent+*three

I %ollow him thro"#h the kitchen and o"t to the #ara#e( wonderin# where he co"ld $ossi'l+ 'e takin# me since a nice tri$ to S"mmerland can 'e had %rom the co"ch, 05hat a'o"t the twins>8 I whis$er, 05hat i% the+ wake and %ind we7re not here>8 !amen shr"#s( leadin# me to his car and #lancin# o er his sho"lder as he sa+s( 0.o worries( the+7re slee$in# so"ndl+, Besides( I ha e a %eelin# the+7ll sta+ that wa+ %or a while,8 0And did +o" ha e an+thin# to do with that>8 I ask( remem'erin# the time he $"t the entire st"dent 'od+ to slee$9incl"din# the administrators and teachers9and I7m still not s"re how he did it, Me la"#hs and o$ens m+ door( motionin# %or me to #et in, B"t I shake m+ head and stand m+ #ro"nd, .o wa+ am I ridin# in the mom mo'ile9the er+ em'odiment o% the r"t that we7re in, Me looks at me %or a moment( then shakes his head and closes his e+es( 'rows mer#in# to#ether as he mani%ests a shin+ red Ham'or#hini instead, J"st like the one I dro e the other da+, B"t I shake m+ head a#ain( ha in# no need %or a new 'rand o% %"n when the old one will do, So I close m+ e+es and wish it awa+( re$lacin# it with an e1act re$lica o% the shin+ 'lack BM5 he "sed to dri e, 0-oint taken,8 Me nods( wa in# me in with a mischie o"s #rin, And the ne1t thin# I know we7re racin# down the dri e and onto the street( slowin# )"st eno"#h %or the #ate to o$en( 'e%ore takin# :oast Mi#hwa+ in a 'l"r o% s$eed, I #a2e at him( tr+in# to $eer into his mind and see )"st where we7re #oin#( '"t he )"st la"#hs( $"r$osel+ erectin# his $s+chic shield( determined to s"r$rise me, Me ho$s on the %reewa+ and cranks "$ the stereo( la"#hin# in s"r$rise when the Beatles come on, 0The 5hite Al'"m >8 Me #lances at me as he na i#ates the road at near*record s$eeds, 05hate er it takes to #et +o" 'ack in this car,8 I smile( ha in# listened to the stor+ ;man+ times< o% his time s$ent in India learnin# transcendental meditation ri#ht alon#side them( 'ack when John and -a"l wrote most o% these son#s, 0In %act( i% I7 e mani%ested it correctl+( then that stereo will $la+ nothin# '"t the Beatles %rom now on,8 0Mow am I e er #oin# to ada$t to the twent+*%irst cent"r+ i% +o"7re determined to kee$ me rooted in the $ast>8 Me la"#hs, 0I was kind o% ho$in# +o" wo"ldn7t ada$t(8 I m"m'le( #a2in# o"t the window at a 'l"r o% darkness and li#ht, 0:han#e is o errated9or at least +o"r more recent chan#es are, So what do +o" sa+> Is she a kee$er> :an we 'anish the 'i# "#l+ momm+ mo'ile>8 I t"rn toward him( watchin# as he e1its the %reewa+ and makes a series o% shar$ t"rns 'e%ore clim'in# a er+ stee$ hill and sto$$in# 'e%ore a sc"l$t"re in %ront o% a h"#e limestone '"ildin#, 05hat7s this>8 I s3"int( knowin# we7re somewhere in H,A, %rom the look and %eel o% the town( '"t not e1actl+ s"re where, 0The Cett+,8 Me smiles( settin# the 'rake and )"m$in# o"t to o$en m+ door, 0Ma e +o" 'een>8 I shake m+ head and a oid his #a2e, An art m"se"m is a'o"t the last $lace I e1$ected9or e en wanted9to #o, 0B"t9isn7t it closed>8 I #lance aro"nd( sensin# we7re the onl+ ones here( other than the armed #"ards who are $ro'a'l+ stationed inside, 0:losed>8 Me looks at me and shakes his head, 0Yo" think I7m #oin# to let somethin# as m"ndane as that sto$ "s>8 Me sli$s his arm aro"nd me and leads me "$ the stone ste$s( li$s at m+ ear when he adds( 0I know a m"se"m7s not +o"r %irst choice( '"t tr"st me( I7m a'o"t to $ro e a er+ #ood $oint, =ne that( %rom what +o" )"st said( clearl+ needs ill"stratin#,8 05hat> That +o" know more a'o"t art than I do>8 Me sto$s( his %ace serio"s when he sa+s( 0I7m #oin# to $ro e that the world reall+ is o"r o+ster, ="r $la+#ro"nd, 5hate er we want it to 'e, There7s no need to e er %eel 'ored or to #et into a r"t once +o" "nderstand that the normal r"les no lon#er a$$l+9at least not %or "s, 5e can do an+thin# we want( E er( an+thin# at all, =$en( closed( locked( "nlocked( welcome( "nwelcome9none o% it matters( we do what we want9when we want, There7s nothin# or no one who can sto$ "s,8 .ot entirel+ tr"e( I think( r"minatin# on the er+ thin# we7 e ne er 'een a'le to do in the $ast %o"r h"ndred +ears( which( o% co"rse( is the one thin# I reall+ want "s to do, B"t he )"st smiles( kissin# me on the %orehead 'e%ore #ras$in# m+ hand( leadin# me to the door as he sa+s( 0Besides( there7s an e1hi'it I7m d+in# to see( and since there7s no crowd it sho"ldn7t take lon#, And I $romise( a%ter( we can #o where er +o" want,8 I stare at the im$osin# locked doors ri##ed with the most hi#h*tech alarms that are $ro'a'l+ ri##ed to other hi#h*tech alarms( that are s"rel+ ri##ed to machine #"nTwieldin# #"ards with their %in#ers )"st itchin# to $ress the tri##er, Meck( there7s $ro'a'l+ a hidden camera trained on "s now( and a not am"sed #"ard t"cked somewhere inside read+ to $"sh the $anic '"tton "nder his desk, 0Are +o" serio"sl+ #oin# to tr+ and 'reak in>8 I #"l$( $alms dam$( heart clatterin# a#ainst m+ chest( ho$in# he7s )okin# e en tho"#h he clearl+ is not, 0.o(8 he whis$ers( closin# his e+es and "r#in# me to close mine, 0I7m not #oin# to tr+( I7m #oin# to s"cceed, And i% +o" don7t mind( +o" co"ld reall+ hel$ this alon# '+ closin# +o"r e+es and %ollowin# m+ lead,8 Heanin# e en closer( li$s at m+ ear when he adds( 0And I $romise( no one #ets ca"#ht( h"rt( or )ailed, Reall+, :ross m+ heart,8 I $eer at him( ass"rin# m+sel% that someone who7s li ed %or si1 h"ndred +ears has s"r i ed his share o% scra$es, Then I take a dee$ 'reath and $l"n#e in, :o$+in# the series o% ste$s he en isions "ntil the doors s$rin# o$en( the sensors t"rn o%%( and the #"ards all %all into a lon# dee$ slee$, =r at least I ho$e it7s lon# and dee$, Hon# and dee$ wo"ld 'e #ood, 0Read+>8 Me looks at me( li$s c"r in# into a #rin, I hesitate( hands shakin#( e+es dartin#( thinkin# that r"t we were in is startin# to look $rett+ #ood, Then I swallow hard and ste$ in( crin#in# when m+ r"''er sole meets the $olished stone %loor( res"ltin# in the most hi#h*$itched( screech+( crin#e*worth+ so"nd, 05hat do +o" think>8 he sa+s( %ace ea#er( e1cited( ho$in# I7m en)o+in# m+sel% as m"ch as he, 0I considered takin# +o" to S"mmerland( '"t then I %i#"red that7s e1actl+ what +o"7d e1$ect, So I decided to show +o" the ma#ick o% sta+in# ri#ht here on the earth $lane instead,8 I nod( still a'o"t as %ar %rom e1cited as it #ets '"t tr+in# to hide it, Sco$in# o"t the #inormo"s room with its tall ceilin#s( #lass windows( and $lethora o% corridors and halls that $ro'a'l+ make it incredi'l+ 'ri#ht and welcomin# in the da+time( '"t kind o% cree$+ at ni#ht, 0This $lace is h"#e, Ma e +o" 'een here 'e%ore>8 Me nods( headin# %or the ro"nd in%o desk in the center, 0=nce, Ri#ht 'e%ore it o%%iciall+ o$ened, And tho"#h I know there7s lots o% im$ortant works to see( there7s one e1hi'it in $artic"lar I7m e1tremel+ interested in,8 Me swi$es a #"est #"ide o%% the stand( $ressin# his $alm to the %ront "ntil the desired location a$$ears in his head, Then dro$$in# it 'ack in its slot( he leads me down a series o% halls and "$ a %ew stairs( o"r $ath lit onl+ '+ a series o% sec"rit+ li#hts and the #lint o% the moon shinin# in thro"#h the windows, 0Is this it>8 I ask( watchin# as he stands 'e%ore a l"mino"s $aintin# titled Madonna Enthroned with St, Matthew( 'od+ still with awe( e1$ression trans%ormed to one o% $"re 'liss,

Me nods( "na'le to s$eak as he takes it all in( str"##lin# to com$ose himsel% 'e%ore t"rnin# to me, 0I7 e tra eled a lot, Hi ed in so man+ $laces, B"t when I %inall+ le%t Ital+ )"st o er %o"r cent"ries a#o( I swore I7d ne er ret"rn, The Renaissance was o er( and m+ li%e9well9I was more than read+ to mo e on, B"t then I heard a'o"t this new school o% $ainters( the :arracci %amil+ in Bolo#na( who7d learned their cra%t %rom the masters( incl"din# m+ dear %riend Ra$hael, The+ started a new wa+ o% $aintin#( in%l"encin# the ne1t #eneration o% artists,8 Me motions to the $aintin# 'e%ore "s( %ace %illed with wonder as he so%tl+ shakes his head, 0J"st look at the so%tness9the te1t"res4 The intensit+ o% color and li#ht4 It7s )"st98 Me shakes his head, 0It7s )"st 'rilliant48 he sa+s( oice tin#ed with re erence, I #lance 'etween the $aintin# and him( wishin# I co"ld see it in the same wa+ as he, .ot as some old( $riceless( hi#hl+ re#arded $ict"re han#in# 'e%ore me( '"t as a tr"e thin# o% 'ea"t+( an o')ect o% #lor+( a miracle o% sorts, Me leads me to the ne1t one( o"r hands #ras$ed to#ether as we mar el at a $aintin# o% Saint Se'astian( his $oor( $ale 'od+ $ierced with arrows9all o% it a$$earin# so real I act"all+ %linch, And that7s when I #et it, ?or the %irst time e er( I can see what !amen sees, ?inall+ "nderstandin# that the tr"e )o"rne+ o% all #reat art is in takin# an isolated e1$erience and not )"st $reser in# it( or inter$retin# it( '"t sharin# it %or all time, 0Yo" m"st %eel so98 I shake m+ head and $ress m+ li$s to#ether( searchin# %or )"st the ri#ht word, 0I don7t know9 $ower%"l9I #"ess, To 'e a'le to create somethin# as 'ea"ti%"l as this,8 I $eer at him( knowin# he can easil+ create a work with as m"ch 'ea"t+ and meanin# as those that han# here, B"t he )"st shr"#s( mo in# on to the ne1t one as he sa+s( 0=ther than o"r art class at school( I ha en7t $ainted in +ears, I #"ess I7m more o% an a$$reciator than a creator now,8 0B"t wh+> 5h+ wo"ld +o" t"rn +o"r 'ack on a #i%t like that> I mean( it is a #i%t( ri#ht> There7s no wa+ it can 'e an immortal thin# since we7 e all seen what ha$$ens when I tr+ to $aint,8 Me smiles( leadin# me across the room and sto$$in# 'e%ore a ma#ni%icent rendition called Jose$h and -oti$har7s 5i%e, Ca2e searchin# e er+ s3"are inch o% the can as when he sa+s( 0Monestl+> -ower%"l doesn7t e en 'e#in to descri'e how I %eel with a 'r"sh in m+ hand( a 'lank can as 'e%ore me( and a %"ll $alette o% $aint '+ m+ side, ?or si1 h"ndred +ears I7 e 'een in inci'le( heir to the eli1ir so"#ht '+ all men48 Me shakes his head, 0And +et nothin# can ri al the incredi'le r"sh the act o% creation 'rin#s, =% cra%tin# somethin# +o" )"st know is destined to 'e #reat %or all time,8 Me t"rns toward me( hand at m+ cheek, 0=r at least that7s what I 'elie ed "$ "ntil I saw +o", Beca"se seein# +o" %or the er+ %irst time98 Me shakes his head( e+es #a2in# into mine, 0.othin# can e er com$are with that er+ %irst #lim$se o% o"r lo e,8 0Yo" didn7t sto$ $aintin# %or me9did +o">8 I hold m+ 'reath( ho$in# I wasn7t the ca"se o% his artistic demise, Me shakes his head( #a2e ret"rnin# to the $aintin# 'e%ore him as his tho"#hts tra el a lon# wa+ awa+, 0It had nothin# to do with +o", It7s )"st9well9at some $oint( the realit+ o% m+ sit"ation set in,8 I s3"int( ha in# no idea what that means( or what he co"ld $ossi'l+ 'e #ettin# at, 0A cr"el realit+ I $ro'a'l+ sho"ld7 e shared with +o" 'e%ore,8 Me si#hs( lookin# at me, I #a2e at him( stomach %illin# with dread( "ns"re I want to hear the answer when I ask( 05hat do +o" mean>8 Sensin# %rom the look in his e+es )"st how m"ch he7s str"##lin# with this, 0The realit+ o% li in# %ore er(8 he sa+s( e+es dark( sad( %oc"sed on mine, 0A realit+ that seems incredi'l+ ast and in%inite and $ower%"l( with no limits in si#ht9"ntil +o" reali2e the tr"th l"rkin# 'ehind it9the tr"th o% watchin# +o"r %riends all wither and die while +o" sta+ the same, =nl+ +o"7re %orced to watch it %rom a%ar( 'eca"se once the ine3"it+ 'ecomes o' io"s( +o"7 e no choice '"t to mo e on( to #o somewhere new and start o er a#ain, And a#ain, And a#ain,8 Me shakes his head, 0All o% which makes it im$ossi'le to %or#e an+ real 'onds, And the ironic thin# is( des$ite o"r "nlimited access to $owers and ma#ick( the tem$tation to make a 'i# im$act or e%%ect an+ real chan#e is somethin# that m"st 'e a oided at all costs, It7s the onl+ wa+ to remain hidden( with o"r secrets intact,8 0Beca"se98 I coa1( wishin# he7d sto$ 'ein# so cr+$tic and )"st #et to the $oint, Me makes me so ner o"s when he starts talkin# like this, 0Beca"se drawin# that kind o% attention #"arantees that +o"r name and likeness will 'e recorded in histor+( somethin# o% which we m"st work to a oid, Beca"se while e er+one aro"nd +o" will #row old and die( Ma en( Miles( Sa'ine( and +es( e en Stacia( Monor( and :rai#9+o" and I will sta+ e1actl+ the same( com$letel+ "nchan#ed, And( tr"st me( it doesn7t take lon# 'e%ore $eo$le start to notice how +o" ha en7t chan#ed a 'it since the da+ +o" %irst met, 5e can7t r"n the risk o% 'ein# reco#ni2ed %i%t+ +ears %rom now '+ a nearl+ se ent+*+ear*old Ma en, :an7t a%%ord the risk o% ha in# o"r secret re ealed,8 Me #ra's hold o% m+ wrists( #a2in# at me with s"ch intensit+ I act"all+ %eel the wei#ht o% his si1 h"ndred +ears, And( like alwa+s( when he7s tro"'led like this( m+ onl+ wish is to whisk it awa+, 0:an +o" e en 'e#in to ima#ine i% Sa'ine( or Ma en( or Miles disco ered the tr"th a'o"t "s> :an +o" ima#ine what the+7d think( what the+7d sa+( what the+7d do> That7s wh+ $eo$le like Roman and !rina are so dan#ero"s9the+ %la"nt what the+ are( com$letel+ i#norin# the nat"ral order o% thin#s, Make no mistake( E er( the c+cle o% li%e is there %or a reason, And while I ma+ ha e sco%%ed at that in m+ +o"th( %eelin# 3"ite %"ll o% m+sel% %or risin# a'o e it( I no lon#er do, Besides( in the end( there7s reall+ no %i#htin# it, 5hether +o" reincarnate like o"r %riends( or remain the same like "s( +o"r karma will alwa+s catch "$, And now that I7 e e1$erienced the Shadowland( I7m e en more con inced that li%e as nat"re intended it( is the one and onl+ wa+,8 0B"t9i% that7s what +o" 'elie e9then where does that lea e "s>8 I ask( a chill 'lanketin# m+ skin( des$ite the warmth o% his hands, 0I mean( to hear +o" sa+ it( we sho"ld la+ low( and )"st li e %or o"rsel es( rather than "sin# o"r incredi'le $owers %or an+ real chan#e, And how can that $ossi'l+ hel$ +o"r karma i% +o" don7t "se +o"r #i%ts to hel$ others> Es$eciall+ i% +o" do so anon+mo"sl+>8 Thinkin# o% Ma en and m+ ho$es o% hel$in# her, B"t 'e%ore I can %inish( !amen7s alread+ shakin# his head( lookin# at me when he sa+s( 05here does that lea e "s> E1actl+ where we are,8 Me shr"#s, 0To#ether, ?ore er, As lon# as we7re er+( er+ care%"l and contin"e to wear o"r am"lets( that is, And as %or "sin# o"r $owers> 5ell( I7m a%raid it7s m"ch more com$licated than sim$l+ ri#htin# all wron#s, 5hile we ma+ )"d#e thin#s as #ood or 'ad( karma doesn7t, It7s a sim$le case o% like #ets like( the "ltimate 'alancin# act( nothin# more( nothin# less, And i% +o"7re determined to %i1 e er+ sit"ation +o" deem as 'ad( or di%%ic"lt( or somehow "nsa or+( then +o" ro' the $erson o% their own chance to %i1 it( learn %rom it( or e en #row %rom it, Some thin#s( no matter how $ain%"l( ha$$en %or a reason, A reason +o" or I ma+ not 'e a'le to #ras$ at %irst si#ht( not witho"t knowin# a $erson7s entire li%e stor+9their c"m"lati e $ast, And to )"st 'ar#e in and inter%ere( no matter how well*intentioned( wo"ld 'e akin to ro''in# them o% their )o"rne+, Somethin# that7s 'etter not done,8 0So let me #et this strai#ht,8 An ed#e cree$in# into m+ oice I don7t tr+ to hide, 0Ma en comes to me and sa+s( m+ cat is d+in#, And e en tho"#h I7m $rett+ s"re I can %i1 it( I don7t 'eca"se it wo"ld res"lt in too man+ 3"estions I co"ld ne er e1$lain and draw "nd"e s"s$icion, ?ine( I #et it, I don7t like it( '"t I #et it, B"t when she sa+s( m+ $arents mi#ht 'e di orcin#( I mi#ht ha e to mo e( and it %eels like m+ entire world is ca in# in9tellin# me this with no inklin# whatsoe er that I7m in the $er%ect $osition to hel$ her( to ma+'e e en re erse some o% those thin#s '+9I don7t know,8 I shr"#( %eelin# totall+ %r"strated now, 0B"t an+wa+( m+ $oint is( somethin# like that ha$$ens to o"r #ood %riend and +o"7re tellin# me we can7t hel$> Beca"se it wo"ld mess with her )o"rne+( or her karma( or whate er it is that +o" said> I mean( e1$lain to me how that hel$s m+ karma '+ kee$in# the #oods to m+sel%,8 0I ad ise +o" to not #et in ol ed(8 he sa+s( t"rnin# 'ack toward the $aintin# and awa+ %rom me, 0Ma en7s $arents will contin"e to %i#ht no matter what +o" do( and e en i% +o" mirac"lo"sl+ $aid o%% her ho"se( thinkin# +o" co"ld sa e it89he looks o er his sho"lder( #i in# me a $ointed look( sensin# that7s e1actl+ what I $lanned to do90well( the+7d $ro'a'l+ end "$ sellin# it so the+ co"ld s$lit the $roceeds and end "$ mo in# an+wa+,8 Me si#hs( oice so%tenin# when he looks at me and adds( 0I7m sorr+( E er, I don7t mean to so"nd like some )aded old man( '"t ma+'e I am, I7 e seen %ar too m"ch and made so man+ mistakes9+o"7 e no idea how lon# it took me to learn all these thin#s, B"t there reall+ is a season %or e er+thin#9)"st like the+ sa+, And while o"r season ma+ 'e eternal( we can ne er let on,8 0And +et( how man+ %amo"s artists $ainted +o"r $ortrait> Mow man+ #i%ts did +o" recei e %rom Marie Antoinette>8 I shake m+ head, 0I7m s"re those

$ortraits li ed on4 I7m s"re someone ke$t a )o"rnal and $"t +o"r name in it4 And what a'o"t +o"r modelin# da+s in .ew York> 5hat a'o"t that>8 0I don7t den+ an+ o% it,8 Me shr"#s, 0I was ain( %"ll o% m+sel%( a te1t'ook narcissist9and 'o+ did I ha e %"n,8 Me la"#hs( %ace trans%ormin# into the one I know and lo e( the se1+ !amen( the %"n !amen( so o$$osite o% this %ore'earer o% doom, 0B"t +o"7 e #ot to "nderstand( those $ortraits were all $ri atel+ commissioned( e en 'ack then I knew 'etter than to allow them to 'e $"'licl+ dis$la+ed, And as %or the modelin#( it was )"st a %ew $ict"res %or a small* time ad cam$ai#n, I 3"it the ne1t da+,8 0So wh+ did +o" sto$ $aintin#> I mean( it seems like a #reat wa+ to record an "nnat"rall+ lon# li%e,8 M+ head 'e#innin# to s$in %rom all o% this, Me nods, 0The $ro'lem was m+ work was 'ecomin# er+ well known, I was e1alted( and 'elie e me( I e1alted in m+ e1altedness,8 Me la"#hs and shakes his head, 0I was $aintin# like a madman( com$letel+ o'sessed( "ninterested in an+thin# else, Amassin# a er+ lar#e collection that drew %ar too m"ch attention to m+sel% 'e%ore I $ro$erl+ reali2ed the risk( and then98 I look at him( heart crashin# when I see the ima#e "n%old in his head, 0And then there was a %ire(8 I whis$er( seein# iolent( oran#e %lames rise into a darkened sk+, 0E er+thin# was destro+ed,8 Me nods, 0Incl"din#( %or all a$$earances an+wa+( me,8 I s"ck in m+ 'reath( meetin# his e+es( "ns"re what to sa+, 0And 'e%ore the+ co"ld e en e1tin#"ish the %lames( I was #one, Tra elin# all o er E"ro$e( %leein# %rom $lace to $lace like a nomad( a #+$s+( a a#a'ond( e en chan#in# m+ name a %ew times "ntil eno"#h time had $assed and $eo$le started to %or#et, ?inall+ settlin# in -aris( where( as +o" know( we %irst met9and( well( +o" know the rest, B"t( E er98 Me looks into m+ e+es( wishin# he didn7t ha e to sa+ it( '"t knowin# it7s necessar+ to $"t it into words( e en tho"#h I alread+ know what comes ne1t, 0All o% this is to sa+ that at some $oint9not lon# %rom now9+o" and I will ha e to mo e,8 And the moment he sa+s it( I can hardl+ 'elie e I hadn7t tho"#ht o% it 'e%ore, I mean( it7s so o' io"s( hidin# ri#ht in $lain si#ht, And +et somehow I was a'le to i#nore it( look the other wa+( $retendin# it wo"ld 'e di%%erent %or me, 5hich )"st shows +o" what denial can do, 0Yo" $ro'a'l+ won7t a#e m"ch $ast this(8 he contin"es( hand smoothin# m+ cheek, 0And tr"st me( it won7t 'e lon# 'e%ore o"r %riends start to notice,8 0-lease,8 I smile( des$erate to add a little li#htness to this dark( hea + s$ace, 0Ma+ I remind +o" that we li e in =ran#e :o"nt+> A $lace where $lastic s"r#er+ is $racticall+ the norm4 .o'od+ a#es here, Serio"sl+, .o'od+, Meck( we can carr+ on )"st as we are %or the ne1t h"ndred +ears48 I la"#h( '"t when I look at !amen( see the wa+ his e+es $eer into mine( it7s clear the #ra it+ o% the sit"ation tr"m$s m+ small )oke, I head %or the 'ench in the center o% the room( $lo$$in# onto it as I '"r+ m+ %ace in m+ hands, 05hat do I tell Sa'ine>8 I whis$er( as !amen sits 'eside me( sli$$in# an arm aro"nd me and easin# m+ %ears, 0I mean( it7s not like I can %ake m+ own death, That crime*scene in esti#ation st"%%7s a little more ad anced than it was in +o"r da+,8 05e7ll deal with it when the time comes(8 he sa+s, 0I7m sorr+( I sho"ld7 e mentioned this 'e%ore,8 B"t when I look into his e+es( I know it wo"ldn7t ha e mattered, 5o"ldn7t ha e made the least 'it o% di%%erence, Remem'erin# the da+ when he %irst $resented the whole idea o% immortalit+ to me( how care%"l he was to e1$lain that I7d ne er cross the 'rid#e( ne er 'e with m+ %amil+ a#ain, B"t I went %or it an+wa+, -"shed the tho"#ht ri#ht o"t o% m+ wa+, ?i#"rin# I7d %ind some kind o% loo$hole( disco er a wa+ to work aro"nd all o% that9willin# to con ince m+sel% o% )"st a'o"t an+thin# i% it meant 'ein# with him %or eternit+, And it7s no di%%erent now, And tho"#h I ha e no idea what I7ll sa+ to Sa'ine( or how I7ll e en 'e#in to e1$lain o"r s"dden desertion to o"r %riends( in the end( all I want is to 'e with him, It7s the onl+ wa+ m+ li%e %eels com$lete, 05e7ll en)o+ a #ood li%e( E er( I $romise +o" that, Yo"7ll ne er e1$erience an+ lack( and +o"7ll ne er 'e 'ored a#ain, .ot a%ter reali2in# the #lorio"s $ossi'ilities o% all that e1ists, Tho"#h aside %rom +o" and me9all o% o"r o"tside connections will 'e e1tremel+ short li ed, There7s )"st no #ettin# aro"nd it( no loo$hole like +o" think, It7s a necessit+( $"re and sim$le,8 I take a dee$ 'reath and nod( remem'erin# when I %irst met him and how he said somethin# a'o"t 'ein# 'ad at #ood*'+es, B"t he )"st smiles( res$ondin# to m+ tho"#hts when he sa+s( 0I know, Yo"7d think it7d #et easier( ri#ht> B"t it ne er reall+ does, I "s"all+ %ind it easier to )"st disa$$ear and a oid them alto#ether,8 0Easier %or +o" ma+'e( tho"#h I7m not so s"re a'o"t those +o"7 e le%t 'ehind,8 Me nods( risin# %rom the 'ench and $"llin# me "$ alon#side him, 0I7m a ain and sel%ish man( what can I sa+>8 0That7s not what I meant98 I shake m+ head, 0I )"st98 0-lease,8 Me looks at me, 0There7s no need to de%end me, I know what I am9or at least what I "sed to 'e,8 Me #ets "$( leadin# me awa+ %rom the $aintin#s he came here to see, =nl+ I7m not read+ to #o, .ot +et, An+one who7s %or%eited their #reatest $assion( )"st sim$l+ walked awa+ like he has( deser es a second chance, I let #o o% his hand and sh"t m+ e+es ti#htl+( mani%estin# a lar#e can as( a wide selection o% 'r"shes( a com$rehensi e $alette o% $aints( and whate er else he mi#ht need( 'e%ore he can sto$ me, 05hat7s this>8 Me #a2es 'etween the easel and me, 05ow( it reall+ has 'een a lon# time i% +o" can7t e en reco#ni2e the tools o% the trade,8 I smile, Me $eers at me( #a2e intense( "nwa erin#( '"t I meet it with e3"al stren#th, 0I tho"#ht it mi#ht 'e nice %or +o" to $aint alon#side +o"r %riends,8 I shr"#( watchin# as he #ra's a 'r"sh %rom the ta'le( t"rnin# it o er in the $alm o% his hand, 0Yo" said we co"ld do an+thin# we want( ri#ht> That the normal r"les no lon#er a$$l+> 5asn7t that the $oint o% this tri$>8 Me looks at me( e1$ression war+ '"t +ieldin#, 0And i% that7s the case( then I think +o" sho"ld $aint somethin# here, :reate somethin# 'ea"ti%"l( #rand( e erlastin#( whate er +o" want, And as soon as +o"7re %inished( we7ll mo"nt it alon#side +o"r %riends, Hea in# it "nsi#ned( o% co"rse,8 0I7m %ar $ast the $oint o% needin# m+ work to 'e reco#ni2ed(8 he sa+s( lookin# at me( e+es %illed with li#ht, 0Cood,8 I nod( motionin# toward the 'lank can as, 0Then I e1$ect to see a work o% $"re ins$ired #eni"s with no e#o in ol ed,8 Mand on his sho"lder( #i in# him a n"d#e when I add( 0Yo" sho"ld $ro'a'l+ #et started tho"#h, Unlike "s( this ni#ht is %inite,8

twent+*%o"r

I #lance 'etween the $aintin# and !amen( $alm $ressed to m+ chest( at a com$lete loss %or words, Gnowin# whate er I sa+ co"ld ne er descri'e what7s 'e%ore me, A'sol"tel+ no words will do, 0It7s so98 I $a"se( %eelin# small( "ndeser in#( de%initel+ not worth+ o% an ima#e so #rand, 0It7s so 'ea"ti%"l9and transcendent9and89I shake m+ head90and no wa+ is that me48 Me la"#hs( e+es meetin# mine when he sa+s( 0=h it7s +o" all ri#ht,8 Smilin# as he takes it all in, 0In %act( it7s the em'odiment o% all +o"r incarnations, A sort o% com$ilation o% the +o" o% the last %o"r h"ndred +ears, Yo"r %ier+ hair and cream+ skin hailin# strai#ht %rom +o"r li%e in Amsterdam( +o"r con%idence and con iction %rom +o"r -"ritan da+s( +o"r h"milit+ and inner stren#th taken %rom +o"r di%%ic"lt -arisian li%e( +o"r ela'orate dress and %lirtatio"s #a2e li%ted strai#ht %rom +o"r Hondon societ+ da+s( while the e+es themsel es98 Me shr"#s( t"rnin# toward me, 0The+ remain the same, Unchan#in#( eternal( no matter what #"ise +o" wear,8 0And now>8 I whis$er( #a2e %oc"sed on the can as( takin# in the most radiant( l"mino"s( #lorio"s( win#ed creat"re9a tr"e #oddess descendin# %rom the hea ens a'o e( ea#er to 'estow the Earth with her #i%ts, Gnowin# it7s 3"ite $ossi'l+ the most 'ea"ti%"l ima#e I7 e e er seen( '"t still not #ettin# how it co"ld reall+ 'e me, 05hat $art o% me is taken %rom now> =ther than the e+es( I mean,8 Me smiles, 05h+ +o"r #ossamer win#s( o% co"rse,8 I t"rn( ass"min# he7s )okin# "ntil I see the serio"s e1$ression markin# his %ace, 0Yo"7re 3"ite "naware o% them( I know,8 Me nods, 0B"t tr"st me( the+7re there, Ma in# +o" in m+ li%e is like a #i%t %rom a'o e( a #i%t I s"rel+ don7t deser e( '"t one I #i e thanks %or e er+ da+,8 0-lease, I7m hardl+ that #ood9or kind9or #lorio"s9or e en remotel+ an#elic like +o" seem to think,8 I shake m+ head, 0Es$eciall+ not latel+( and +o" know it(8 I add( wishin# I co"ld han# it in m+ room where I co"ld see it e er+ da+( '"t knowin# it7s %ar more im$ortant to lea e it ri#ht here, 0Yo" s"re a'o"t this>8 Me #lances 'etween his 'ea"ti%"l "nsi#ned $aintin# and those o% his %riends, 0A'sol"tel+,8 I nod, 0Ima#ine all the chaos that7ll ens"e when the+ %ind it $ro%essionall+ %ramed and mo"nted on this wall, And I mean the #ood kind o% chaos( '+ the wa+, Besides( )"st think o% all the $eo$le who7ll 'e called "$on to st"d+ it( tr+in# to determine )"st where it came %rom( how it #ot here( and who co"ld7 e $ossi'l+ created it,8 Me nods( #lancin# at it one last time 'e%ore t"rnin# awa+, B"t I #ra' his hand and $"ll him 'ack to me( sa+in#( 0Me+( not so %ast, !on7t +o" think we sho"ld name it> Yo" know( add a little 'ron2e $la3"e like the other ones ha e>8 Me #lances at his watch( more than a little distracted now, 0I7 e ne er 'een m"ch #ood at titlin# m+ work( alwa+s )"st went with the o' io"s, Yo" know: Bowl o% ?r"it( or Red T"li$s in a Bl"e Base,8 05ell( it7s $ro'a'l+ 'etter not to name it E er with 5in#s( An#elic E er( or an+thin# remotel+ like that, Yo" know( )"st in case someone does reco#ni2e me, B"t how a'o"t somethin# a little more9I don7t know9stor+ like> Hess literal( more %i#"rati e,8 I tilt m+ head and #a2e at him( determined to make this work, 0An+ s"##estions>8 Me looks at me 'rie%l+( 'e%ore his #a2e 'e#ins to wander, 0Mow a'o"t9enchantment9or enchanted9or9I don7t know( somethin# like that>8 I $ress m+ li$s ti#htl+ to#ether, 0Enchantment>8 Me t"rns toward me, 05ell( +o"7re o' io"sl+ "nder some kind o% s$ell i% +o" think that resem'les me,8 I la"#h( watchin# his e+es li#ht "$ as he la"#hs alon# with me, 0Enchantment it is,8 Me nods( 'ack to '"siness a#ain, 0B"t we need to make this $la3"e 3"ick9I7m a%raid we98 I nod( closin# m+ e+es and en isionin# the $la3"e in m+ head( whis$erin#( 05hat sho"ld I "se %or the artist9anon+mo"s or "nknown>8 0Either(8 he sa+s( oice h"rried( an1io"s( ea#er to mo e on :hoosin# "nknown 'eca"se I like the so"nd o% it( I lean %orward to ins$ect m+ work( askin#( 05hat do +o" think>8 0I think we 'etter r"n48 Me #ras$s m+ hand and $"lls me alon#side him( mo in# so %ast m+ %eet ne er once to"ch the #ro"nd, Racin# down the lon# series o% halls( takin# the stairs as tho"#h the+7re not e en there, The entr+ door )"st within iew when the whole room #oes 'ri#ht and the alarm 'e#ins to so"nd, 0=mi#od48 I cr+( $anic crowdin# m+ throat as he $icks "$ the $ace, Boice hoarse and ra##ed when he sa+s( 0I didn7t $lan on sta+in# so lon#9I9I didn7t know98 Sto$$in# as we reach the %ront door )"st as the steel ca#e descends, I t"rn to him( heart crashin#( skin slick with sweat( aware o% the %ootste$s 'ehind "s( the sho"ts rin#in# o"t, Standin# m"tel+ 'eside him( "na'le to mo e( "na'le to scream( his e+es closed in dee$ concentration( "r#in# the com$le1 alarm s+stem to #o dormant a#ain, B"t it7s too late, The+7re alread+ here, So I raise m+ arms in s"rrender( read+ to acce$t m+ %ate( when the steel ca#e ascends and I7m +anked o"t the door and toward the 'loomin# %ields o% S"mmerland, =r at least I en isioned S"mmerland, !amen en isioned "s sa%el+ ensconced in his car( headin# toward home, And so we %ind o"rsel es in the middle o% a '"s+ hi#hwa+ instead9a slew o% s$eedin# cars honkin# and skiddin# as we scram'le to o"r %eet and h"rr+ to the side( #a2in# all aro"nd and catchin# o"r 'reath as we tr+ to determine where we are, 0I don7t think this is S"mmerland(8 I sa+( #lancin# at !amen as he 'reaks into a la"#h so conta#io"s( it #ets me #oin# as well, The two o% "s h"ddled on the side o% a litter*strewn hi#hwa+( in some "ndetermined location( %allin# all o er o"rsel es, 0Mow7s that %or 'reakin# o"t o% a r"t>8 Me #as$s( sho"lders shakin# as we contin"e to la"#h, 0I almost had a heart attack 'ack there9I tho"#ht %or s"re we7d98 I catch m+ 'reath and shake m+ head, 0Me+ now,8 Me $"lls me near, 0!idn7t I $romise I7d alwa+s look a%ter +o" and kee$ +o" %rom harm>8 I nod( remem'erin# the words( '"t "n%ort"natel+ the last %ew min"tes are still etched on m+ 'rain, 0Mow a'o"t a car then> A car wo"ld 'e #ood a'o"t now( don7t +o" think>8 Me closes his e+es( trans%errin# the BM5 %rom there to here( or ma+'e he mani%ested a 'rand new one instead( it7s im$ossi'le to tell since the+ 'oth look the same, 0:an +o" e en ima#ine what those #"ards tho"#ht when %irst we and then the car disa$$eared>8 Me holds the door o$en and "shers me in( addin#( 0The sec"rit+ cameras48 'e%ore closin# his e+es and takin# care o% them too, I watch as he $"lls into tra%%ic( a ha$$+ #rin s$read wide across his %ace, Reali2in# he7s act"all+ en)o+in# this, That those last %ew min"tes o% dan#er #ot him e en more e1cited than the $aintin# did, 0It7s 'een a while since I $"shed it like that,8 Me #lances at me, 0B"t )"st so +o" know( I7m holdin# +o" $artl+ res$onsi'le, A%ter all( +o"7re the one who con inced me to lin#er,8 I look at him( e+es #ra2in# o er his %ace( reall+ takin# him in, And e en tho"#h m+ heart'eat ma+ ne er ret"rn to normal a#ain( it7s 'een %ar too lon# since I7 e seen him like this9this9ha$$+9this9care%ree9this9dan#ero"s9in the wa+ that %irst made him attracti e to me,

0So what7s ne1t>8 Me slaloms thro"#h the tra%%ic( hand on m+ knee, 0Um( home>8 I look at him( wonderin# what co"ld $ossi'l+ to$ an o"tin# like that, Me looks at me( clearl+ #ame %or more, 0Are +o" s"re> Beca"se we can sta+ o"t as lon# as +o" like( I don7t want +o" to #et 'ored a#ain,8 0I think I "nderestimated 'ored,8 I la"#h, 0I7m startin# to see how it has its $lace,8 !amen nods( leanin# toward me and $ressin# his li$s to m+ cheek( almost rear*endin# an Escalade the second he takes his e+es o%% the road, I la"#h( $"shin# him 'ack toward his seat, 0Reall+, I think we $"shed o"r l"ck eno"#h %or one ni#ht,8 0As +o" wish,8 Me smiles( s3"ee2in# m+ knee as he t"rns 'ack toward the road( %oc"sed on home,

twent+*%i e

E en tho"#h I7d ho$ed to 'e lon# #one '+ the time M"no2 sw"n# '+ to $ick "$ Sa'ine( the second I $"ll into m+ dri e I #lance at m+ rear iew mirror onl+ to %ind him ri#ht there 'ehind me, Earl+, Ten min"tes earl+ in %act, The same ten min"tes I7d earmarked %or racin# home %rom work and chan#in# into somethin# $ro$erl+ som'er( 'e%ore %leein# the scene and headin# %or Ma en7s %ront +ard where :harm7s memorial ser ice will 'e held, 0E er>8 Me clim's o"t o% his shin+ sil er -ri"s( )an#lin# his ke+s and s3"intin# at me, 05hat are +o" doin# here>8 Me tilts his head as he a$$roaches( en elo$in# me in a clo"d o% A1e 'od+s$ra+, I slin# m+ 'a# o er m+ sho"lder( slammin# m+ car door m"ch harder than $lanned, 0?"nn+ thin#, I9"m9I act"all+ li e here,8 Me looks at me( %ace so still I7m not s"re he heard "ntil he shakes his head and re$eats( 0Yo" li e here>8 I nod( re%"sin# to sa+ an+thin# more, 0B"t98 Me #a2es aro"nd( takin# in the stone %aVade( the %ront ste$s( the recentl+ cli$$ed lawn( the 'eds o% %lowers 'e#innin# to 'loom, 0B"t this is Sa'ine7s ho"se9isn7t it>8 I $a"se( tem$ted to tell him no( that this %a"1 T"scan( Ha#"na Beach McMansion isn7t Sa'ine7s ho"se at all, That he7s o' io"sl+ made some kind o% mistake and ended "$ at m+ ho"se instead, B"t )"st as I7m a'o"t to( Sa'ine $"lls ri#ht "$ 'eside "s, J"m$in# o"t o% her car with wa+ too m"ch enth"siasm when she sa+s( 0=h4 -a"l4 So sorr+ I7m late9the o%%ice was cra2+ and e er+ time I tried to lea e somethin# else #ot in the wa+98 She shakes her head( #a2in# "$ at him in a wa+ that7s %ar too %lirtatio"s %or a %irst date, 0B"t i% +o" co"ld )"st #i e me a min"te( I7ll r"n "$stairs and chan#e so we can #et #oin#, It sho"ldn7t take lon#,8 -a"l> I #lance 'etween them( notin# her ha$$+( liltin#( sin#son#+ tone( and not likin# the so"nd o% it( not likin# it at all, It7s too intimate, Too %orward, She sho"ld 'e %orced to call him Mr, M"no2 like we do at school, At least "ntil the end o% toni#ht( a%ter which( o% co"rse( the+7ll m"t"all+ decide to #o their se$arate wa+s , , , Me smiles( rakin# his hand thro"#h his lon#ish( wa + 'rown hair( like the worst kind o% show*o%%, I mean( )"st 'eca"se he has e1ce$tionall+ cool hair %or a teacher( doesn7t mean he sho"ld %la"nt it like that, 0I7m a %ew min"tes earl+(8 he sa+s( #a2e locked on hers, 0So $lease( take as m"ch time as +o" need, I7m %ine talkin# with E er here,8 0So +o"7 e met>8 Sa'ine rests her o erst"%%ed 'rie%case a#ainst her hi$( #lancin# 'etween "s, I shake m+ head( 'l"rtin#( 0.o48 'e%ore I can sto$, Uns"re i% I7m sa+in# no to her 3"estion( or to this whole sit"ation, B"t still( there it is( an "ne3"i ocal no( and I7 e no $lans to rescind it, 0I mean( +eah( we7 e met and all '"t9)"st now,8 I $a"se( their e+es narrowed( as con%"sed as I am as to where this is #oin#, 05hat I mean is( it7s not like we knew each other 'e%ore or an+thin#,8 I $eer at them( knowin# I7 e onl+ con%"sed them more, 0An+wa+( he7s ri#ht, Yo" sho"ld )"st9"m9#o "$stairs and #et read+9and98 I )a' m+ th"m' toward M"no2 since there7s no wa+ I7m callin# him -a"l( no wa+ I7m callin# him an+thin#, 0And we7ll )"st han# here "ntil +o"7re read+,8 I smile( ho$in# to kee$ him o"tside( on the dri ewa+( %ar %rom m+ den, B"t "n%ort"natel+( Sa'ine7s manners are m"ch 'etter than mine, And I7 e 'arel+ %inished the sentence 'e%ore she shakes her head and sa+s( 0!on7t 'e ridic"lo"s, :ome inside and rela1, And( E er( wh+ don7t +o" order +o"rsel% a $i22a or somethin# since I ha en7t had time to #et to the store,8 I %ollow( la##in# 'ehind as m"ch as I can witho"t literall+ dra##in# m+ %eet, -artl+ in $rotest( and $artl+ 'eca"se I can7t risk '"m$in# into either o% them( not tr"stin# m+ 3"ant"m remote to 'ar me %rom a sneak $eek o% their date, Sa'ine "nlocks the %ront door( #lancin# o er her sho"lder as she sa+s( 0E er> =ka+> Yo"7re #ood with the $i22a>8 I shr"#( remem'erin# the two slices o% e#etarian J"de le%t me( which I $roceeded to tear into little 'its and %l"sh down the toilet as soon as he le%t, 0I7m #ood, I #ra''ed a little somethin# at work,8 I meet her #a2e( thinkin# this )"st mi#ht 'e the $er%ect time to tell her( knowin# she won7t %reak with M"no2 ;-a"l4< standin# near'+, 0Yo" #ot a )o'>8 She #a$es( all wide*e+ed and slack )awed ri#ht there in the entr+wa+, 0Um( +eah,8 I $"ll m+ sho"lders in and start scratchin# m+ arm e en tho"#h it doesn7t itch, 0I tho"#ht I told +o"( no>8 0.o,8 She shoots me a look that7s loaded with meanin#9none o% it #ood, 0Yo" de%initel+ %ailed to mention it,8 I shr"#( $ickin# at the hem o% m+ shirt( tr+in# to a$$ear "nconcerned, 0=h( well( there it is, I7m o%%iciall+ em$lo+ed,8 :hasin# it with a la"#h that( e en to m+ ears( rin#s %alse, 0And )"st where did +o" #et this )o' o% +o"rs>8 she asks( oice lowered( #a2e %ollowin# M"no2 as he heads into the den( ea#er to a oid all the 'ad mo)o I7 e so 'rilliantl+ introd"ced, 0!owntown, At a $lace that sells 'ooks and9st"%%,8 She s3"ints, 0Histen(8 I sa+, 05h+ don7t we disc"ss this later> I7d hate %or +o" #"+s to 'e late or an+thin#,8 I #lance toward the den where M"no2 is h"nkered down on the co"ch, She #lances at the den( e1$ression #rim( oice low and "r#ent when she sa+s( 0I7m #lad +o" %o"nd a )o'( E er( don7t #et me wron#, I )"st wish +o" wo"ld7 e told me( that7s all, 5e7ll need to %ind a re$lacement %or +o" at work now( and98 She shakes her head, 05ell( we7ll talk a'o"t this later, Toni#ht, 5hen I #et 'ack,8 And e en tho"#h I7m thrilled to learn that her $lans with M"no2 do not e1tend to the mornin#( I still look at her and sa+( 0Um( here7s the thin#, Ma en7s cat died( and she7s ha in# this memorial ser ice( and she7s reall+ "$set( which means it co"ld r"n reall+ late( so98 I shr"#( not 'otherin# to %inish( allowin# her to %ill in the 'lanks that I7 e le%t, 0Tomorrow then,8 She t"rns, 0.ow #o talk to -a"l while I chan#e,8 She r"ns "$ the stairs( 'rie%case swin#in#( heels $o"ndin#( as I take a dee$ 'reath and make %or the den( takin# m+ $lace 'ehind a 'i#( st"rd+ armchair( hardl+ 'elie in# it7s come to this, 0J"st so +o" know( I7m not callin# +o" -a"l(8 I sa+( takin# in his desi#ner )eans( "nt"cked shirt( hi$ster watch( and shoes that are wa+ too cool %or an+ teacher to wear, 0That7s a relie%,8 Me smiles( #a2e li#ht and eas+( restin# on mine, 0Mi#ht #et kind o% awkward at school,8 I swallow hard( %iddlin# with the 'ack o% the chair( "ns"re )"st where I7m e1$ected to take it %rom here, Beca"se e en tho"#h m+ entire li%e is "ndenia'l+ weird( 'ein# %orced to make entertainin# 'anter with m+ histor+ teacher who knows one o% m+ 'i##est secrets takes it to a whole new le el, B"t a$$arentl+ I7m the onl+ one who7s "ncom%orta'le aro"nd here, M"no2 is com$letel+ rela1ed( sittin# 'ack on the coach( %oot restin# on knee( the a'sol"te $ict"re o% ease, 0So what e1actl+ is +o"r relationshi$ to Sa'ine>8 he asks( arms s$read wide across the c"shions, 0She7s m+ a"nt,8 I st"d+ him( checkin# %or si#ns o% dis'elie%( con%"sion( s"r$rise( '"t all I #et is an interested #a2e, 0She 'ecame m+ le#al #"ardian when m+ $arents $assed awa+,8 I li%t m+ sho"lders and look at him,

0I had no idea, I7m so sorr+98 Me scr"nches his %ace( oice %adin# as sadness %ills "$ the s$ace, 0M+ sister died too,8 I nod( ca"#ht "$ in it now, 0As did B"tterc"$, She was o"r do#,8 0E er98 Me shakes his head in the wa+ $eo$le do when the+ can7t e en 'e#in to ima#ine what it7s like to 'e +o", 0I98 0I died too(8 I add( 'e%ore he can %inish, .ot wantin# to hear his awkward condolences( str"##lin# to %ind )"st the ri#ht words when the tr"th is( those words don7t e1ist, 0I died ri#ht alon#side them9'"t onl+ %or a %ew seconds( and then I was98 'ro"#ht 'ack( res"rrected( #i en the eli1ir that #rants eternal li%e9I shake m+ head, 05ell( then I woke "$,8 I shr"#( wonderin# wh+ I )"st con%essed all o% that, 0Is that when +o" 'ecame $s+chic>8 Mis #a2e is "nwa erin#( %i1ed ri#ht on mine, I #lance toward the stairwa+( makin# s"re Sa'ine7s nowhere near( then I #lance at M"no2 and )"st nod, 0It ha$$ens(8 he sa+s( neither s"r$rised nor )"d#mental( more matter o% %act, 0I7 e read "$ on it a 'it, It7s a lot more common than +o"7d think, A lot o% $eo$le come 'ack chan#ed or altered in some wa+,8 I #a2e down at the chair( %in#ers tracin# alon# the to$ o% the c"shion( #lad %or the in%ormation '"t reali2in# I ha e no cl"e how to res$ond, 0And %rom the wa+ +o"7re %id#etin# and #lancin# at the stairs e er+ %i e seconds( I7m #"essin# Sa'ine doesn7t know>8 I look at him( tr+in# to li#hten the mood when I sa+( 0So who7s $s+chic now> Me or +o">8 B"t he )"st smiles( searchin# m+ %ace with a new "nderstandin# that( thank%"ll+( erases the look o% $it+ that li ed there 'e%ore, 5e sta+ like that( him lookin# at me( me st"d+in# the chair( the silence lin#erin# %or so lon# I %inall+ shake m+ head and sa+( 0Tr"st me( Sa'ine wo"ldn7t "nderstand, She7d98 I di# the toe o% m+ sneaker into the car$et7s ti#ht wea e( "ns"re )"st where to take it %rom here '"t knowin# it7s im$erati e that I make m+sel% clear, 0I mean( don7t #et me wron#( she7s a #reat $erson( reall+ smart( and a s"$er s"ccess%"l law+er and all( '"t it7s like98 I shake m+ head, 05ell( let7s )"st sa+ she7s a 'i# %an o% 'lack and white, She7s not so 'i# on #ra+,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and look awa+( knowin# I7 e said more than eno"#h( '"t needin# to make one %inal thin# clear, 0B"t $lease don7t tell her a'o"t me9oka+> I mean( +o" won7t9will +o">8 I $eer at him( holdin# m+ 'reath as he considers( takin# his time as Sa'ine heads down the stairs, And )"st when I7m s"re I can7t take another second he sa+s( 05e7ll make a deal, Yo" sto$ c"ttin# class and I won7t sa+ a word, Mow7s that>8 Mow7s that> Is he kiddin#> Me7s $racticall+ 'lackmailin# me4 I mean( I know I7m not in the 'est $osition9es$eciall+ since I7m the onl+ one with somethin# to lose( '"t still, I #lance o er m+ sho"lder( seein# Sa'ine $a"se in %ront o% the mirror( do"'le*checkin# her teeth %or stra+ li$stick tracks( as I t"rn toward him and whis$er( 05hat does it matter> There7s onl+ a week le%t4 And we 'oth know I7m #ettin# an A,8 Me nods( risin# %rom his seat( a smile widenin# his cheeks as he takes in Sa'ine( tho"#h his words are directed at me, 05hich is wh+ +o" ha e no #ood reason not to 'e there( ri#ht>8 0To not 'e where>8 Sa'ine asks( lookin# wa+ too 'ea"ti%"l with her smok+ e+e make"$( %l"%%+ 'lond hair( and an o"t%it that Stacia Miller wo"ld $ro'a'l+ sell a kidne+ %or i% she were twent+ +ears older, I start to s$eak( not tr"stin# M"no2 not to 'low m+ co er( '"t he )"m$s ri#ht in( oice o er$owerin# mine when he sa+s( 0I was )"st tellin# E er to #et on with her $lans, There7s no need to stick aro"nd and entertain me,8 Sa'ine #lances 'etween "s "ntil her #a2e rests on -a"l, And e en tho"#h it7s nice to see her lookin# so rela1ed and ha$$+ and ea#er to #et the ni#ht #oin#( the second he $laces his hand on the small o% her 'ack and leads her toward the %ront door( it7s all I can do not to h"rl,

twent+*si1

B+ the time I #et to Ma en7s( e er+one7s #athered( lookin# on as Ma en stands )"st o"tside the window where she %irst %o"nd her cat( sa+in# a %ew words in :harm7s memor+( while h"##in# a small "rn to her chest, 0Me+(8 I whis$er( sidlin# "$ 'eside !amen and #lancin# at the twins, 05hat did I miss>8 Me smiles( lookin# at me as he thinks: Some tears were shed9some $oems were read9 Me shr"#s, Tho"#h I7m s"re she7ll %or#i e +o"r lateness9 e ent"all+, I nod( decidin# to show !amen the reason %or m+ lateness9$resentin# the entire de'acle in %"ll Technicolor #lor+, 5atchin# as Ma en s$rinkles :harm7s ashes o er the #ro"nd as the ima#es %rom )"st a %ew moments 'e%ore stream %rom m+ mind to his, Me slides his arm aro"nd me( com%ortin# me in )"st the ri#ht wa+( $lacin# a %"ll 'o"3"et o% red t"li$s 'rie%l+ into m+ hands9care%"l to make it a$$ear and disa$$ear 'e%ore an+one sees, 5as it reall+ that 'ad> Me #lances at me as Ma en hands the "rn to her little 'rother A"stin( who scr"nches his nose and $eers inside, 5orse, I shake m+ head( still wonderin# wh+ I chose to con%ide in M"no29o% all $eo$le, I mo e closer( leanin# m+ head on his sho"lder as I add: And the twins> 5hat are the+ doin# here> I tho"#ht the+ were a%raid to #o o"tside> The+ stand 'eside Ma en( %aces identical with their solemn dark e+es and ra2or*slashed 'an#s9'"t the similarities end there( ha in# ditched their "s"al $ri ate school "ni%orms %or ones o% their own, 5ith Rom+ stri in# %or the all*American wholesomeness o% a J, :rew catalo# model( while Ra+ne7s look hails strai#ht %rom the Mot To$ic aisles with her ed#+ 'lack minidress( torn 'lack ti#hts( and towerin# $lat%orm Mar+ Jane shoes, Tho"#h I do"'t the+ act"all+ sho$$ed at those stores, .ot when !amen can )"st mani%est %or them, Me shakes his head( arm ti#htenin# aro"nd me as he res$onds to m+ tho"#hts, .o$e( that7s where +o"7re wron#, The+7re ent"rin# o"t, Ea#er to e1$lore the world o"tside o% TB( ma#a2ines( and m+ :r+stal :o e #ated comm"nit+, Me smiles, Belie e it or not( the+ chose those o"t%its themsel es, E en $aid %or them too, Usin# the mone+ I #a e them( o% co"rse, Me looks at me, J"st think( +esterda+ the mall( toda+ a cat %"neral( and tomorrow9 who knows> Me t"rns( smilin# in a wa+ that li#hts "$ his %ace as Ma en sa+s a %inal %arewell to the cat $racticall+ no one here knew, 0Sho"ldn7t we ha e 'ro"#ht somethin#>8 I ask, 0Yo" know9%lowers or somethin#>8 05e did,8 !amen nods( li$s #ra2in# m+ ear when he adds( 0.ot onl+ did we 'rin# those %lowers o er there89he $oints to a #iant 'o"3"et made o% color%"l s$rin# 'looms90'"t we also made a er+ #enero"s( tho"#h anon+mo"s( donation to the AS-:A in :harm7s memor+, I tho"#ht she7d a$$reciate that,8 0Mel$in# $eo$le anon+mo"sl+>8 I #a2e at him( takin# in the slant o% his 'row( the c"r e o% his li$s and lon#in# %or them to $ress a#ainst mine, 0I tho"#ht +o" were a#ainst all o% that>8 Me looks at me( o' io"sl+ misconstr"in# the words I7d meant as a )oke, B"t )"st as I7m a'o"t to e1$lain( Josh motions %or "s to come o er, Me $eers at Ma en( makin# s"re she can7t hear( 'e%ore t"rnin# to "s( sa+in#( 0Histen( I need +o"r hel$, I messed "$,8 0Mow>8 I s3"int( e en tho"#h the answer )"st a$$eared in m+ head, Me crams his hands into his $ockets( d+ed 'lack hair %allin# into his e+es when he sa+s( 0I #ot her a kitten, This #"+ in m+ 'and9well( his #irl%riend7s cat )"st had a litter and I tho"#ht it mi#ht hel$ her #et o er :harm so I took the 'lack one9'"t now she won7t e en talk to me, Sa+s I don7t "nderstand, She7s serio"sl+ mad,8 0I7m s"re she7ll come aro"nd( )"st #i e her some time( and she7ll98 B"t he7s alread+ shakin# his head, 0Are +o" kiddin#> !id +o" hear her )"st now>8 Me #lances 'etween "s, 0The wa+ she went on and on a'o"t how :harm was one o% a kind( how she can ne er 'e re$laced,8 Me shakes his head and looks awa+, 0That was %or me( make no mistake,8 0E er+one %eels that wa+ a%ter losin# a $et, I7m s"re i% +o"98 I sto$( #a2in# into e+es so de%eated I know I7m not makin# a dent, 0.o wa+,8 Me li%ts his sho"lders( lookin# at her( the loss clear on his %ace, 0She meant it, She7s sad a'o"t :harm( mad at me( and now I7 e #ot this kitten in the 'ackseat o% m+ car and no idea what to do with it, I can7t 'rin# it home( m+ mom7ll kill me( and Miles can7t take it 'eca"se o% the whole Ital+ thin#( so I tho"#ht ma+'e +o" #"+s wo"ld want her,8 Mis #a2e darts 'etween "s( silent '"t $leadin#, I take a dee$ 'reath and #lance toward the twins( knowin# the+ wo"ld lo e nothin# more than a $et o% their own( es$eciall+ a%ter the wa+ the+ reacted to :harm, B"t what 'ecomes o% it once their ma#ick7s restored and the+ head 'ack to S"mmerland> Is it $ossi'le to 'rin# the cat with them> =r will she 'ecome o"r res$onsi'ilit+> B"t when the+ t"rn( the two o% them #a2in# at me( Rom+7s %ace li%tin# into a smile while Ra+ne7s dro$s to a scowl( I know I need all the hel$ I can #et where the+7re concerned( and a c"te little kitten mi#ht 'e a #ood start, I look at !amen( knowin# the moment o"r e+es meet that we7re on the same $a#e, 5e head %or Josh7s car as he sa+s( 0Het7s ha e a look,8

0=mi#od4 Are +o" serio"s> She7s serio"sl+ o"rs> ?or reals>8 Rom+ cradles the tin+ 'lack kitten and #lances 'etween "s, 0She7s all +o"rs,8 !amen nods, 0B"t +o" sho"ld thank E er( not me, It was her idea,8 Rom+ looks at me( a #rin s$read wide across her %ace as Ra+ne twists her mo"th to the side( $"rsin# her li$s in a wa+ that makes it clear she7s s"re she7s 'ein# $la+ed, 05hat sho"ld we name her>8 Rom+ #lances 'etween "s 'e%ore %oc"sin# solel+ on Ra+ne, 0And don7t sa+ Jin1 the second( or Jin1 s3"ared( or an+thin# like that( 'eca"se this kitt+ deser es her own name,8 She h"#s the kitten ti#ht to her chest( $lantin# a kiss on the to$ o% her tin+ 'lack head, 0She also deser es a m"ch 'etter %ate than the other Jin1 had,8 I look at them( a'o"t to ask what ha$$ened when Ra+ne sa+s( 0That7s all in the $ast, B"t Rom+7s ri#ht( we need to %ind the $er%ect name, Somethin# stron# and m+stical9somethin# tr"l+ worth+ o% a kitt+ like this,8 5e sit( the %o"r o% "s s$rawled across the ario"s chairs and co"ches in !amen7s o ersi2ed den, !amen and I sharin# a c"shion( lim's entwined as o"r minds si%t thro"#h lon# lists o% s"ita'le names "ntil I clear m+ oice and sa+( 0Mow a'o"t H"na>8 I #lance 'etween them( ho$in# the+7ll like it as m"ch as I do, 0Yo" know( like the Hatin word %or moon>8 0-lease,8 Ra+ne rolls her e+es, 05e know what H"na means, In %act( I7m $rett+ s"re we know wa+ more Hatin than +o",8 I nod( str"##lin# to kee$ m+ oice calm and com$osed( re%"sin# to rise to her 'ait( when I add( 05ell( I was thinkin# that since the+ sa+ cats are connected to the moon and all98 I sto$( takin# one look at her %ace and knowin# there7s no $oint in #oin# on( she7s dead set a#ainst it, 0Yo" know( it "sed to 'e said that cats were the children o% the moon(8 !amen sa+s( determined not onl+ to resc"e me( '"t also to $ro e( once and %or all( wh+ I7m worth+ o% their res$ect, 0Beca"se like the moon( the+ 'oth come to li%e at ni#ht,8 0Then ma+'e we sho"ld name her Moon :hild(8 Ra+ne sa+s, .oddin# when she adds( 0Yes( that7s it4 Moon :hild, It7s so m"ch 'etter than H"na,8 0.o it isn7t,8 Rom+ #a2es down at the slee$in# cat in her la$( strokin# the narrow s$ace 'etween her ears, 0Moon :hild7s all wron#, H"m$+, Too m"ch, A name sho"ld 'e onl+ one word, And this kitt+ is clearl+ a H"na to me, H"na, That7s what we7re callin# her then>8 She #lances 'etween "s( co"ntin# three noddin# heads( and one that re%"ses to '"d#e )"st to s$ite me,

0Sorr+( Ra+ne,8 !amen clas$s m+ hand( a sli er o% ener#+ the onl+ thin# that se$arates his $alm %rom mine, 0I7m a%raid the ma)orit+ r"les in this case,8 Me nods( closin# his e+es as he mani%ests an e13"isite el et collar o% the dee$est $"r$le that instantl+ a$$ears aro"nd H"na7s neck, Rom+ and Ra+ne #as$in#( e+es shinin# with deli#ht when he mani%ests a matchin# el et 'ed, 0-erha$s +o" sho"ld $lace her there now(8 he sa+s, 0B"t we7re 'oth so com%orta'le like this48 Rom+ whines( not wantin# to $art with her $et, 0Yes( '"t we also ha e lessons to #et to( don7t we>8 The twins #lance at each other( then rise sim"ltaneo"sl+( care%"ll+ $lacin# H"na in her new 'ed and ho erin# at its ed#e( makin# s"re she7s slee$in# com%orta'l+( 'e%ore t"rnin# 'ack to !amen( read+ to 'e#in, Takin# the seats )"st across %rom him( ankles crossed( hands %olded in la$s( more o'edient than I7 e e er seen them, Read+ %or whate er !amen7s #ot $lanned, 5hat7s this a'o"t> I shi%t as we "ntan#le o"r lim's, 0Ma#ick,8 Me nods( #lancin# 'etween them, 0The+ need to $ractice dail+ i% their $owers are to ret"rn,8 0Mow do +o" $ractice>8 I s3"int( wonderin# i% it7s an+thin# like the classes J"de7s $lannin# to teach, 0I mean( are there e1ercises and tests( like in school>8 !amen shr"#s, 0It7s reall+ more a series o% meditations and is"ali2ations9tho"#h %ar more intense and o% a m"ch lon#er d"ration than the ones I $"t +o" thro"#h on o"r %irst )o"rne+ to S"mmerland( '"t then( +o" didn7t re3"ire as m"ch, E en tho"#h the twins hail %rom a lon# line o% er+ #i%ted witches( I7m a%raid that as it stands now( the+7re 'ack to sta#e one, Tho"#h I7m ho$in# that with re#"lar $ractice( the+7ll reca$t"re their a'ilities in reasona'le time,8 0Mow lon# is reasona'le>8 I ask, 5hen what I reall+ mean is: Mow soon do we #et o"r li%e 'ack> !amen shr"#s, 0?ew months, Ma+'e lon#er,8 05o"ld the Book o% Shadows hel$>8 Reali2in# )"st a%ter it7s o"t( that I sho"ldn7t ha e said it, !amen7s e1$ression is not at all ha$$+( tho"#h the twins are now $oised on the ed#e o% their seats, 0Yo" ha e the Book o% Shadows>8 Ra+ne sa+s( as Rom+ )"st sits there and #a$es, I #lance at !amen( seein# he7s none too $leased( '"t since the 'ook co"ld er+ well hel$ them as m"ch as I ho$e it can hel$ me( I sa+( 05ell( I don7t e1actl+ ha e it( '"t I ha e access to it,8 0Hike %or real> Hike a real Book o% Shadows>8 Ra+ne $hrases her words like a 3"estion( tho"#h her #a2e tells me she7s s"re it7s a %ake, 0I don7t know,8 I shr"#, 0Is there more than one>8 She looks at Rom+( shakin# her head and rollin# her e+es 'e%ore !amen can sa+( 0I ha en7t seen it( '"t %rom E er7s descri$tion( I7m s"re that it7s real, And 3"ite $ower%"l too, Too $ower%"l %or +o" at the moment, B"t ma+'e later( a%ter we7 e $ro#ressed thro"#h o"r meditations we can98 B"t Rom+ and Ra+ne are no lon#er listenin#( their attention %oc"sed solel+ on me as the+ rise %rom their seats and sa+( 0Take "s there, -lease, 5e need to see it,8

twent+*se en

0Mow will +o" #et in>8 Rom+ whis$ers( ed#in# "$ alon#side me and #a2in# at the door( a war+ e1$ression crossin# her %ace, 0!"h48 Ra+ne shakes her head, 0It7s eas+ %or them, All the+ ha e to do is "nlock the door with their minds,8 0Tr"e,8 I smile, 0B"t ha in# a ke+ is hand+ too,8 Jan#lin# it so the+ can see 'e%ore insertin# it into the lock, :are%"l to a oid !amen7s #a2e( tho"#h it7s not like I need to see to know he disa$$ro es, 0So this is where +o" work(8 Rom+ sa+s( ste$$in# inside and #a2in# aro"nd, Mo in# li#htl+( #in#erl+( as tho"#h she7s a%raid to mess an+thin# "$, I nod( $lacin# m+ %in#er a#ainst m+ li$s in the international si#n %or sh"sh as I lead them toward the 'ack room, 0B"t i% the store7s closed( and we7re the onl+ ones here( then wh+ do we ha e to sh"sh>8 Ra+ne asks( her hi#h*$itched oice $racticall+ 'o"ncin# o%% the walls( wantin# me to know that while she7s $leased that I7m a'o"t to show her the Book o% Shadows it doesn7t e1tend m"ch %"rther than that, I o$en the door to the 'ack o%%ice and motion them inside( tellin# them to sit( while !amen and I cons"lt in the hall, 0I don7t like this(8 he sa+s( e+es dark( %oc"sed on mine, I nod( er+ well aware o% that '"t determined to stand m+ #ro"nd, 0E er( I7m serio"s, Yo" ha e no idea what +o"7re #ettin# into, This 'ook is $ower%"l9and in the wron# hands9dan#ero"s as well,8 I shake m+ head( sa+in#( 0Histen( the twins are %amiliar with this 'rand o% ma#ick( m"ch more so than +o" and me, And i% the+7re not worried( then how 'ad co"ld it 'e>8 Me looks at me( re%"sin# to '"d#e, 0There are 'etter wa+s,8 I si#h( wantin# to #et started and %r"strated to 'e dealin# with this, 0Yo" act like I7m #oin# to introd"ce them to e il s$ells or make them 'ad witches with warts and 'lack hats( when all I want is the same thin# as +o"9%or them to #et their $ower 'ack,8 :are%"l to shield m+ mind so he can7t hear the "ns$oken $art( the real tr"th 'ehind this isit9that I s$ent most o% +esterda+ at work str"##lin# to make sense o% the 'ook to no a ail9that I need hel$ i% I7 e an+ ho$e o% con incin# Roman to hand o er the antidote, Gnowin# it7s 'etter "nsaid, !amen wo"ld so not a$$ro e, 0There are 'etter wa+s o% doin# this(8 he sa+s( oice $atient '"t %irm, 0I ha e their lessons ma$$ed o"t( and i% +o"7ll )"st #i e it the time to98 0Mow m"ch time> 5eeks( months( a +ear>8 I shake m+ head, 0Ma+'e we can7t a%%ord to waste that kind o% time( did +o" e er think o% that48 05e>8 Mis 'rows mer#e as his #a2e st"dies mine( a hint o% "nderstandin# %ormin# in his e+es, 05e( them( whate er,8 I shr"#( knowin# I 'etter mo e on, 0Het me )"st show them the 'ook and see i% it7s e en the real deal, I mean( we don7t e en know i% it reall+ works( ma+'e m+ reaction was9well( ma+'e that was )"st me, :ome on( !amen( $lease> 5hat co"ld it h"rt>8 Me looks at me( con inced it co"ld h"rt $lent+, 0J"st one 3"ick look9onl+ to determine i% it7s real or not, Then we7ll head ri#ht 'ack home and #et started with +o"r lesson( oka+>8 B"t he doesn7t sa+ an+thin#, J"st nods and motions me in, I head %or the chair on the other side o% the desk( settlin# in and leanin# toward the drawer when Ra+ne sa+s( 0J"st so +o" know( we heard e er+thin#, ="r hearin# is e1ce$tional, Ma+'e +o" sho"ld stick with tele$ath+ instead,8 !etermined to i#nore her( I $lace m+ hand on the lock( closin# m+ e+es as I o$en it with m+ mind( %lickin# a 3"ick #lance at !amen as I r"mma#e inside, !i##in# $ast the $ile o% $a$ers( the %olders( and tossin# the calc"lator aside( 'e%ore reachin# the %alse 'ottom( #ra''in# hold o% the 'ook( and $lo$$in# it onto the desk, ?in#ers tin#lin#( ears '"22in# %rom the ener#+ it contains, The twins r"sh %orward( #a2in# "$on the ancient tome with more re erence than I7 e e er seen %rom them 'e%ore, 0So( what do +o" think> Is it real>8 M+ #a2e darts 'etween them( so 'reathless I can 'arel+ %orm the words, Rom+ tilts her head( %ace 3"i22ical( "ntil Ra+ne reaches %orward and o$ens to the er+ %irst $a#e, The two o% them #as$in#( twin intakes o% 'reath( as their e+es #row wide and the+ take it all in, Ra+ne $erches on the ed#e o% the desk( an#lin# the 'ook so it %aces her and her sister( as Rom+ leans across her la$( tracin# her %in#ers alon# the series o% s+m'ols9markin#s that are com$letel+ indeci$hera'le to me9tho"#h %rom the wa+ their li$s mo e makes $er%ect sense to them, I #lance at !amen standin# directl+ 'ehind them( his %ace 'el+in# an+ emotion as he watches the twins m"m'le and #i##le( )ostlin# each other in e1citement as the+ %li$ thro"#h the $a#es, 0So>8 I sa+( "na'le to take the s"s$ense and needin# a er'al either wa+, 0Real,8 Ra+ne nods( e+es still %oc"sed on the $a#e, 05ho e er $"t this to#ether knew their st"%%,8 0Yo" mean( there7s more than one>8 I s3"int( #lancin# 'etween them( 'arel+ a'le to meet their e+es "nder their l"sh %rin#e o% lashes and )a##ed*c"t 'an#s, 0S"re,8 Rom+ nods, 0There7s tons, Book o% Shadows is )"st a #eneric title %or a s$ell 'ook, The+ think the name ori#inated d"e to the %act that the 'ooks had to 'e ke$t hidden( in the shadows so to s$eak( 'eca"se o% their content,8 0Yeah(8 Ra+ne c"ts in( 0'"t some also sa+ it7s 'eca"se the+ were o%ten read and written '+ candleli#ht( which casts shadows as +o" know,8 Rom+ shr"#s, 0Either wa+( the+7re written in code to a oid the dan#er o% %allin# into the wron# hands, B"t the tr"l+ $ower%"l ones( the ones like this89 she sta's the $a#e with her inde1 %in#er( which is newl+ $ainted 'allet sli$$er $ink90are e1tremel+ rare and hard to %ind, Midden awa+ %or the er+ same reason,8 0So it7s $ower%"l> And real>8 I re$eat( needin# it con%irmed one more time, Ra+ne looks at me( shakin# her head like I7m too dense to 'e 'elie ed( while her sister nods( sa+in#( 0Yo" can act"all+ %eel the ener#+ o% the words on the $a#e, It7s 3"ite $ower%"l( I ass"re +o",8 0So( +o" think it7ll 'e "se%"l then> Yo" think it mi#ht hel$ "s9+o"9with +o"r needs>8 E+es dartin# 'etween them( ho$in# the+7ll sa+ +es while care%"ll+ a oidin# !amen7s #a2e, 05e7re a little r"st+98 Rom+ starts, 0So we can7t sa+ %or s"re98 0S$eak %or +o"rsel%(8 Ra+ne sa+s( %li$$in# 'ack toward the %ront "ntil %indin# the $a#e that she wants, Re$eatin# a stream o% words I can7t e en 'e#in to "nderstand as tho"#h it7s her nati e ton#"e, 0See that>8 She wa es her hand in the air( la"#hin# as the li#hts %licker on and o%%, 0I wo"ldn7t e1actl+ call that r"st+,8 0Yes( '"t since the+ were s"$$osed to '"rst into %lames( +o"7re still a lon# wa+s awa+(8 Rom+ sa+s( arms %olded( 'row raised, 0B"rst into %lames>8 I #lance at !amen, Me was ri#ht( this is dan#ero"s in the wron# hands9their hands, B"t Rom+ and Ra+ne )"st la"#h( %allin# all o er themsel es when the+ sa+( 0-s+ch4 5e totall+ $s+ched +o"4 Ma48 0Yo" are too #"lli'le to 'e 'elie ed48 Ra+ne adds( sei2in# an+ chance to make a %ool o% me, 0And +o" #"+s ha e 'een watchin# wa+ too m"ch TB(8 I sa+( slammin# the 'ook sh"t and mo in# it awa+, 05ait4 Yo" can7t take that4 5e need it48 Two sets o% hands %ranticall+ reachin# and #ras$in# m+ wa+, 0It doesn7t 'elon# to me, So it7s not like we can take it home or an+thin#(8 I sa+( holdin# it )"st o"t o% reach, 0B"t how will we #et o"r ma#ick 'ack i% +o" hide it like that>8 Rom+7s %ace dro$s to a $o"t, 0Yeah(8 Ra+ne adds( shakin# her head, 0?irst +o" make "s lea e S"mmerland and now98 Sto$$in# onl+ when !amen raises his hand to silence

them, 0I think it7s 'est +o" $"t that awa+(8 he sa+s( e+es on mine( )aw clenched ti#ht, 0.ow(8 he adds( with new "r#enc+, I nod( thinkin# he7s more "$set than I tho"#ht( takin# a stand and insistin# I stick to o"r deal, Until I %ollow his #a2e to the monitor and watch as a dark 'l"rr+ %i#"re walks in,

twent+*ei#ht

I slide the drawer o$en( %ranticall+ sho in# the 'ook inside as a so%t th"d o% %ootste$s makes their wa+ down the hall, Barel+ #ettin# it closed 'e%ore J"de sticks his head in and sa+s( 05orkin# late>8 Me ste$s into the room and o%%ers his hand to !amen who hesitates( takin# a moment to si2e him "$( 'e%ore o%%erin# his own, E en a%ter releasin# J"de7s #ri$ his #a2e remains %oc"sed( "nmo in#( his mind %ar awa+, 0So( what7s #oin# on here> Is this take*+o"r*%amil+*to*work da+>8 J"de smiles( tho"#h it doesn7t 3"ite reach his e+es, 0.o4 5e were )"st98 I swallow hard( ha in# no idea what comes ne1t( meetin# his dee$ knowin# #a2e and 3"ickl+ lookin# awa+, 05e were lookin# at +o"r Book o% Shadows(8 Ra+ne sa+s( arms %olded( e+es narrowed, 0And we were wonderin# where +o" #ot it>8 J"de nods( li$s li%tin# at the corners when he sa+s( 0And +o" are>8 0Rom+ and Ra+ne,8 I nod, 0The+7re m+98 I #lance at them( wonderin# how to e1$lain them, 0.ieces(8 !amen sa+s( #a2e locked on J"de, 0The+7re sta+in# with me %or a while,8 J"de nods( #lancin# at !amen 'rie%l+ 'e%ore ret"rnin# to me, Mo in# )"st sh+ o% the desk as he sa+s( 05ell( i% an+one co"ld %ind it( it7s +o",8 I swallow hard( #lancin# at !amen who contin"es to e+e J"de in a wa+ I7 e ne er seen %rom him 'e%ore, Hike his entire 'ein# is on a %"ll*scale alert9 $ost"re sti%%( %eat"res controlled( e+es narrowin# to the dee$est( darkest $oints( all the while takin# him in, 0Am I %ired>8 I ask( la"#hin# a little( '"t mostl+ I7m serio"s, J"de shakes his head, 05h+ wo"ld I %ire m+ er+ 'est $s+chic> M+ onl+ $s+chic48 Me smiles, 0?"nn+( that 'ook7s 'een in the drawer since last s"mmer and +et no one %o"nd it 7til now,8 Me shr"#s, 0So what7s +o"r interest in it an+wa+> I tho"#ht +o" weren7t into ma#ick and st"%%>8 I swi el 'ack and %orth in m+ seat( "ncom%orta'le( s3"irm+( es$eciall+ with the wa+ !amen kee$s lookin# at him, 0I7m not( '"t the twins are er+ m"ch into98 05icca(8 !amen sa+s( $lacin# a $rotecti e hand on each o% their sho"lders, 0The+7re interested in learnin# more a'o"t 5icca( and E er tho"#ht this 'ook mi#ht hel$, Tho"#h o' io"sl+( it7s %ar too ad anced,8 J"de looks at !amen( slowl+ takin# him in, 0Hooks like I )"st #ot m+ second and third si#n*"$ %or class,8 0There7s another>8 I sa+( 3"ickl+( witho"t thinkin#( #lancin# 'rie%l+ at !amen and %eelin# an ine1$lica'le %l"sh rise to m+ cheeks, J"de shr"#s, 0I% she shows, Seemed $rett+ interested tho"#h,8 Monor, I know it witho"t e en $eerin# into his mind, Monor7s the %irst si#n*"$( and I7 e no do"'t she7ll show, 0:lass>8 !amen asks( hands still on the twins( #a2e dartin# 'etween J"de and me, 0-s+chic !e elo$ment le el one,8 Me shr"#s, 05ith a small em$hasis on sel%*em$owerment and ma#ick, I7m thinkin# we sho"ld start soon( ma+'e e en tomorrow, 5h+ wait>8 Rom+ and Ra+ne look at each other( e+es 'la2in# with e1citement, B"t !amen shakes his head sa+in#( 0.o,8 J"de looks at him( %ace eas+( rela1ed( not the least 'it da"nted, 0Aw come on( I won7t e en char#e, I7m new at this an+wa+( so it7s a #ood chance %or me to tr+ it all o"t and see what works and what doesn7t, Besides( it7s )"st a sim$le introd"ctor+ co"rse( nothin# hea +( i% that7s what +o"7re worried a'o"t,8 Their e+es meet( and e en tho"#h I know the hea + $art is $rett+ m"ch !amen7s n"m'er*one concern( it7s clearl+ not his onl+ concern, .o( this s"dden ed#iness( this "ncharacteristic #"ardedness( has somethin# to do with J"de, And me, J"de and me to#ether, And i% I didn7t know 'etter( I7d think he was )ealo"s, B"t I do know 'etter( and( "n%ort"natel+( that sort o% 'eha ior is rele#ated onl+ to me, The twins $lead with him( lar#e 'rown e+es #a2in# into his, 0-lease48 the+ sa+( oices hi#h*$itched( intertwinin#, 05e reall+( reall+( reall+ want to take this class48 0It7ll hel$ "s with o"r ma#ick48 Rom+ nods( smilin# as she t"#s on his hand, 0And #et "s o"t o% the ho"se so E er can7t com$lain a'o"t +o"r lack o% $ri ac+ an+more48 Ra+ne adds( mana#in# to ins"lt me e en as she aims to con ince, J"de looks at me( 'rows raised in am"sement( '"t I 3"ickl+ look awa+( holdin# m+ 'reath "ntil I hear !amen sa+( 05e7ll #et there on o"r own( +o" need to 'e $atient,8 Mis words %inal( lea in# no room to ne#otiate, J"de nods( sho in# his hands dee$ into his $ockets as he #a2es 'etween "s, 0.o worries, I% +o" chan#e +o"r mind( or )"st want to sto$ '+ and monitor( %eel %ree, 5ho knows( ma+'e +o"7ll learn somethin#>8 !amen7s e+es narrow e er so sli#htl+( '"t still it7s eno"#h to $ers"ade me to stand "$ and sa+( 0So( I7m still on the sched"le tomorrow>8 0Bri#ht and earl+,8 St"d+in# me closel+ as I mane" er aro"nd the desk and into the welcomin# crook o% !amen7s arm, 0I won7t 'e in "ntil later(8 he adds( mo in# %or the seat I )"st acated and settlin# in, 0So i% that #irl98 Me s3"ints( lookin# at me, 0Monor,8 I nod, Seein# !amen #a$e in s"r$rise as J"de la"#hs and sa+s( 05ow( +o" reall+ are $s+chic, An+wa+( i% she comes in( tell her we7ll start sometime ne1t week,8

twent+*nine

0Yo"r 'o+%riend seems cool,8 J"de looks at me( leanin# on the ed#e o% the co"nter( co%%ee m"# in hand, 0That7s 'eca"se he is cool,8 I nod( th"m'in# thro"#h the a$$ointment 'ook( seein# I7m 'ooked %or a two o7clock( %ollowed '+ a three( a %o"r( and a %i e 9and relie ed to see that the names aren7t e en sli#htl+ %amiliar, 0So he is9+o"r 'o+%riend( then>8 Me takes a 3"ick si$ o% his drink( e+ein# me %rom o er the to$ o% the c"$, 0I co"ldn7t 'e s"re, Seems kind o% old( +o" know>8 I slam the 'ook sh"t and reach %or m+ water( e en tho"#h I7d reall+ $re%er a #"l$ o% immortal )"ice instead, B"t e er since Roman showed "$ I owed to c"t 'ack on m+ $"'lic cons"m$tion, 05e7re in the same class,8 I shr"#( ret"rnin# his #a2e, 05hich wo"ld make "s the same a#e( no>8 Mo$in# to a oid %"rther scr"tin+ '+ $hrasin# it like that, B"t J"de contin"es to stare( #a2e dee$enin# when he sa+s( 0I don7t know( does it>8 I swallow hard and look awa+( heart 'eatin# o ertime as I think( !oes he sense somethin# too> Is he onto "s> 0:o"ld mean he was held 'ack9%or98 Me smiles( those sea #reen e+es s$arklin#( %"ll o% li#ht, 0Se eral decades9at least>8 I li%t m+ sho"lders( determined to i#nore the ins"lt i% that7s what it was, Remindin# m+sel% that J"de7s not )"st m+ 'oss9$ro idin# a )o' that #ets Sa'ine o%% m+ 'ack9'"t also the kee$er o% the Book o% Shadows( a tome I des$eratel+ need to #et to a#ain, 0So( how7d +o" meet Monor>8 I ask( leanin# down to tinker with the )ewelr+ dis$la+, Rearran#in# the sil er chains with their #emstone $endants( t"ckin# the $rice ta#s awa+, Mo$in# to a$$ear nonchalant( 'lasX( as tho"#h I7m )"st %illin# "$ the silence and not 'eca"se I care, Me lea es his c"$ on the co"nter and disa$$ears into the 'ack( %iddlin# with the stereo s+stem "ntil the room %ills with the so"nd o% crickets and rain( the same :! he $la+s e er+ da+, 0I was han#in# a %l+er o er at this $lace,8 Me ret"rns to the co"nter and $oints to the name on his c"$, 05as she alone or with someone>8 I s3"int( ima#inin# Stacia e##in# her on( makin# her a$$roach him( as some kind o% dare, Me looks at me( e+es searchin# m+ %ace %or so lon# I a ert m+ #a2e and '"s+ m+sel% with the rin#s( or#ani2in# them '+ color and t+$e( as he contin"es to st"d+ me, 0!idn7t notice,8 Me shr"#s, 0She )"st asked a'o"t the class so I #a e her a %l+er to take with her,8 0!id +o" talk> !id she tell +o" wh+ she7s interested>8 Blowin# m+ co er as a $erson who7s onl+ mildl+ c"rio"s the moment the words esca$e, Me s3"ints( #a2e dee$enin# as he sa+s( 0Said she7s ha in# 'o+%riend $ro'lems and wanted to know i% I knew an+ #ood s$ells she co"ld cast,8 I #a$e( "ns"re i% he7s )okin#( "ntil he la"#hs, 05hat7s with all the interest> She tr+ to steal +o"r 'o+%riend or somethin#>8 I shake m+ head( sh"ttin# the )ewelr+ case and meetin# his #a2e when I sa+( 0.o( her 'est %riend did,8 J"de e+es me( oice care%"l when he sa+s( 0And was she s"ccess%"l>8 0.o4 =% co"rse not48 :heeks %l"shin#( heart racin#( knowin# I answered too 3"ickl+ to e er 'e 'elie ed, 0B"t that doesn7t sto$ her %rom tr+in#(8 I add( knowin# that was no 'etter, 0!oesn7t sto$ her( or didn7t sto$ her> She still at it>8 Me li%ts his c"$ and takes a lon# $"ll( his #a2e ne er once lea in# m+ %ace, I shr"#( still tr+in# to reco er %rom m+ $re io"s o"t'"rst, Gnowin# I7m the one who started all this, 0So( +o" in the market %or a s$ell o% +o"r own> Somethin# that7ll kee$ the #irls awa+ %rom !amen>8 Brow raised( oice #i in# no hint i% it was a )oke, I shi%t on m+ stool( "nner ed '+ the wei#ht o% his #a2e( not likin# the so"nd o% !amen7s name on his li$s, 0C"ess that e1$lains +o"r s"dden interest in the Book o% Shadows(8 J"de sa+s( re%"sin# to let it #o, I roll m+ e+es and mo e awa+ %rom the co"nter( not carin# i% it7s an ins"'ordinate act, This con ersation is o er, I7m makin# that clear, 0Is this #oin# to 'e a $ro'lem>8 he asks( his oice carr+in# a tone I can7t read, I sto$ )"st sh+ o% the 'ookshel%( "ns"re what he7s re%errin# to, T"rnin# to read his s"nshin+ a"ra( and still not ha in# a cl"e, 0I know +o" don7t want $eo$le to know a'o"t +o"( and now there7s some #irl %rom +o"r school dro$$in# in , , ,8 Me shr"#s( allowin# me to %ill in the rest, I shr"# too( reali2in# the list o% $eo$le who know m+ $s+chic secret is reall+ startin# to #row, ?irst M"no2( then J"de( and soon Monor( which means Stacia will %ollow ;tho"#h she alread+ s"s$ects an+wa+<9and then o% co"rse there7s Ma en who $roclaims to 'e 0onto8 "s as well, And the aw%"l $art is9 all o% this can 'e traced 'ack to me, I clear m+ throat( knowin# I ha e to sa+ somethin# tho"#h I7 e no idea what, 0Monor7s not98 nice( $leasant( kind( decent( at all what she seems9'"t the tr"th is( that more descri'es Stacia, Monor7s m"ch more o% an eni#ma to me, J"de looks at me( waitin# %or the %inish, B"t I )"st t"rn awa+( %ace o'sc"red '+ a ch"nk o% 'lond hair when I sa+( 0Monor7s not someone I know all that well,8 0C"ess that makes two o% "s,8 Me #rins( tossin# 'ack the last o% his co%%ee 'e%ore cr"m'lin# his c"$ and $ro)ectin# it toward the trash where it lands with a th"d, Mis #a2e seekin# mine when he sa+s( 0Tho"#h she does seem a little lost and "ns"re( and that7s e1actl+ the kind o% $erson we tr+ to hel$ aro"nd here,8

B+ si1( m+ %i%th client( a last*min"te walk*in( is #one %or the da+( and I7m in the 'ack room smoothin# m+ hair %rom the 'lack wi# I decided to wear, 0Better,8 J"de nods( #lancin# "$ %rom his com$"ter 'rie%l+( 'e%ore ret"rnin# to his work, 0The 'lond s"its +o", That 'lack was a little harsh(8 he m"m'les( ta$$in# the ke+'oard and shakin# his head, 0I know, I looked like a se erel+ anemic Snow 5hite(8 I sa+( lookin# at J"de as we la"#h, 0So( what7d +o" think>8 he asks( 'ack to his com$"ter screen, 0I liked it,8 I nod( mo in# awa+ %rom the mirror and closer to the desk where I $erch on the ed#e, 0It was #ood, I mean( some o% it was kind o% de$ressin# and all( '"t it7s nice to 'e a'le to hel$ someone %or a chan#e( +o" know>8 5atchin# his %in#ers mo e across the ke+'oard so %ast m+ e+es can hardl+ kee$ "$, 0Beca"se honestl+( I wasn7t so s"re, B"t I think it went oka+, I mean( +o" didn7t #et an+ com$laints or an+thin#9did +o">8 Me shakes his head( s3"intin# as he sh"%%les thro"#h a stack o% $a$ers at his side, 0!id +o" remem'er to shield +o"rsel%>8 Me takes a moment to #a2e "$ at me, I li%t m+ sho"lders( ha in# no idea what he means, The onl+ shieldin# I7 e e er done is the kind that sh"ts o%% e er+one7s ener#+( which wo"ld make it $rett+ m"ch im$ossi'le to #i e a readin#, 0Yo" need to $rotect +o"rsel%(8 he sa+s( $"shin# awa+ his la$to$ to 'etter %oc"s on me, 0Both 'e%ore and a%ter a readin#, Mas no one e er shown +o" how to lea e +o"rsel% o$en while still shieldin# +o"rsel% %rom "nwanted attachments>8 I shake m+ head( wonderin# i% that7s e en necessar+ %or an immortal like me, Una'le to ima#ine an+one7s ener#+ 'ein# stron# eno"#h to dra# me down( '"t it7s not like I can share that with him, 05o"ld +o" like to learn how>8 I shr"#( scratchin# m+ arm as I #lance at the clock( wonderin# how lon# it7ll take,

0It won7t take lon#(8 he sa+s( readin# m+ e1$ression( alread+ mo in# awa+ %rom the desk, 0And it reall+ is im$ortant, Think o% it like washin# +o"r hands 9it releases all the ne#ati e st"%% +o"r clients carr+ with them( makin# s"re it can7t contaminate +o"r li%e,8 Me motions %or me to take one o% the seats as he $erches on the ad)acent one( re#ardin# me serio"sl+ as he sa+s( 0I wo"ld #"ide +o" thro"#h a meditation that7ll hel$ stren#then +o"r a"ra9'"t since I can7t act"all+ see +o"r a"ra( I ha e no idea i% it needs stren#thenin#,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and cross m+ ri#ht le# o er m+ le%t( shi%tin# "ncom%orta'l+ in m+ seat( "ns"re how to res$ond, 0Sometime +o"7ll ha e to tell me how +o" hide it like that, I7d lo e to learn +o"r techni3"e,8 I swallow hard and nod sli#htl+( as tho"#h I mi#ht )"st do that someda+( '"t not now, Gee$in# his oice low and smooth( almost to a whis$er( he sa+s( 0:lose +o"r e+es and rela1( 'reathin# slowl+ and dee$l+ as +o" $ict"re a swirl o% $"re #olden ener#+ with each intake o% 'reath( %ollowed '+ a swirl o% dark mist with each o"ttake, Breathin# in the #ood9riddin# +o"rsel% o% the 'ad, :ontin"in# this c+cle a#ain and a#ain( allowin# onl+ #ood ener#+ to work its wa+ thro"#h +o"r cells( "ntil +o" %eel cleansed and whole and read+ to 'e#in,8 I do as he sa+s( reminded o% the #ro"ndin# meditation A a once $"t me thro"#h( concentratin# on m+ 'reath( kee$in# it slow( stead+( and e en, At %irst %eelin# sel%*conscio"s "nder the wei#ht o% his #a2e( knowin# he7s st"d+in# me closer than he wo"ld i% m+ e+es were o$en( '"t soon( I7m $"lled into the rh+thm9$"lse calmin#( mind clearin#( concentratin# on nothin# '"t 'reathin#, 0Then( when +o"7re read+( ima#ine a cone o% the most 'rilliant( #olden white li#ht reachin# down %rom the hea ens and descendin# "$on +o"9#rowin# and e1$andin# in si2e "ntil it 'athes +o" com$letel+9s"rro"ndin# +o"r entire 'ein# and allowin# no lower ener#ies or ne#ati e %orce %ields to cree$ in9 kee$in# all +o"r $ositi it+ %"ll+ intact( sa%e %rom those who mi#ht leech it,8 I o$en an e+e( $eekin# at him( ne er ha in# tho"#ht o% someone tr+in# to steal m+ chi, 0Tr"st me(8 he sa+s( wa in# his hand( motionin# %or me to close m+ e+es and ret"rn to the meditation a#ain, 0.ow ima#ine that same li#ht as a $ower%"l %ortress( re$ellin# all darkness while kee$in# +o" sa%e,8 So I do, Seein# m+sel% in m+ mind( sittin# on that chair( with a cone o% li#ht e1tendin# %rom a'o e and mo in# down $ast m+ hair( o er m+ tee( and well $ast m+ )eans to m+ %li$*%lo$s 'elow, En elo$in# me com$letel+( kee$in# the #ood st"%% in( and the 'ad st"%% o"t9)"st like he said, 0Mow does it %eel>8 he asks( oice m"ch closer than I e1$ected, 0Cood,8 I nod( holdin# the cone o% li#ht in m+ mind( kee$in# it stead+ and 'ri#ht, 0It %eels warm and9welcomin#9and9#ood,8 I shr"#( more interested in en)o+in# the e1$erience than rootin# aro"nd %or )"st the ri#ht word, 0Yo" need to re$eat that e er+ da+9'"t this is the lon#est it sho"ld e er take, =nce +o"7 e im$rinted +o"rsel% with the cone o% li#ht( all +o" need to do to maintain it is a %ew o% those dee$ cleansin# 'reaths( %ollowed '+ a 3"ick ima#e o% +o" sealed '+ the li#ht( and +o"7re #ood to #o, Tho"#h it7s not a 'ad idea to renew it now and then9es$eciall+ since +o"7re a'o"t to 'ecome er+ $o$"lar aro"nd here,8 Me $laces his hand on m+ sho"lder( $alm %lat and o$en( %in#ers s$la+ed across the cotton o% m+ tee( the sensation so shockin#( so )oltin#( the ima#es so re ealin#( I )"m$ to m+ %eet, 0!amen48 I cr+( oice hoarse( scratch+( as I t"rn to %ind him at the door( watchin# me9watchin# "s, Me nods( #a2e meetin# mine in what( at %irst seems his "s"al lo in# wa+9%illed with a com$lete and total re erence %or me, B"t the lon#er it holds( the more I sense somethin# 'ehind it, Somethin# dark, Tro"'lin#, Somethin# he7s determined to kee$, I mo e toward him( clas$in# his hand as it reaches toward mine( aware o% the $rotecti e shield o% ener#+ that ho ers 'etween "s9an ener#+ I was certain no one co"ld see( "ntil I notice J"de s3"intin#, I $eer at !amen( "na'le to determine the 'i# hidden thin# in his #a2e( wonderin# what he7s doin# here( i% he somehow sensed this, Mis arm ti#htens aro"nd me( $"llin# me near when he sa+s( 0Sorr+ to interr"$t( '"t E er and I ha e somewhere to 'e,8 I #a2e "$( drinkin# him in9the smooth $lanes o% his %ace( the swell o% his li$s9the tin#le and heat str"mmin# %rom his 'od+ to mine, J"de rises and %ollows "s into the hall( sa+in#( 0Sorr+, !idn7t mean to kee$ her so lon#,8 Mis hand reachin# toward me( #lancin# m+ sho"lder then %allin# awa+ as he adds( 0=h( I %or#ot9the 'ook4 5h+ don7t +o" take it( it7s not like I need it aro"nd here,8 Me t"rns 'ack toward the desk( a'o"t to retrie e it %rom the drawer( and e en tho"#h I7m tem$ted to #ra' it and r"n( with the wa+ !amen sti%%ens as J"de7s a"ra #rows 'ri#hter9well( it7s 'e#innin# to %eel like a test, And it7s all I can do to %orce the words $ast m+ li$s when I sa+( 0Thanks( '"t not toni#ht, !amen and I ha e $lans,8 !amen7s ener#+ rela1es( ret"rnin# to normal as J"de7s #a2e dances 'etween "s, 0.o worries(8 he sa+s, 0Another time,8 Moldin# the #a2e %or so lon#( I7m the %irst to t"rn awa+, Headin# !amen o"t the door and onto the street( determined to shake o%% J"de7s ener#+( alon# with the tho"#hts and ima#es he "nwittin#l+ shared,

thirt+

0So +o" ke$t it,8 I smile( settlin# into his BM5( ha$$+ to see he7s ke$t it in $lace o% Bi# U#l+, Me looks at me( e+es still serio"s '"t oice li#ht when he sa+s( 0Yo" were ri#ht, I went a little o er'oard with the whole sa%et+ thin#, .ot to mention( this is a m"ch 'etter ride,8 I #a2e o"t the window( wonderin# what sort o% ad ent"re he7s $lanned( '"t %i#"rin# he wants to s"r$rise me as "s"al, 5atchin# as he $"lls onto the street and wea es thro"#h the tra%%ic "ntil we7re clear o% all cars and he $icks "$ the s$eed, -"shin# the #as and acceleratin# so 3"ickl+( I ha e no idea where we7re #oin#( "ntil we7re alread+ there, 05hat7s this>8 I #a2e aro"nd( ama2ed '+ his a'ilit+ to alwa+s do the least e1$ected thin#, 0I %i#"red +o"7d ne er 'een here,8 Me o$ens m+ door and takes m+ hand, 05as I ri#ht>8 I nod( takin# in a 'arren desert landsca$e( dotted onl+ '+ the occasional shr"'( a mo"ntaino"s 'ackdro$( and tho"sands o% windmills, Serio"sl+ tho"sands, All o% them tall, All o% them white, All o% them t"rnin#, 0It7s a windmill %arm,8 Me nods( hoistin# himsel% onto the tr"nk o% his car and d"stin# o%% a s$ace %or me to sit too, 0It $rod"ces electricit+ '+ harnessin# the wind, In )"st one ho"r it can make eno"#h electricit+ to r"n a t+$ical ho"sehold %or a month,8 I #lance all aro"nd( takin# in the t"rnin# 'lades and wonderin# what the si#ni%icance co"ld 'e, 0So( wh+7d we come here> I7m a little con%"sed,8 Me takes a dee$ 'reath( #a2e %ar awa+( e1$ression wist%"l when he sa+s( 0I %ind m+sel% drawn to this $lace, I #"ess 'eca"se I7 e 'orne witness to so m"ch chan#e d"rin# the last si1 h"ndred +ears( and harnessin# the wind is a er+ old idea,8 I s3"int( still not #ettin# its im$ortance( '"t de%initel+ sensin# there is one, 0!es$ite all the technolo#ical chan#es and ad ances I7 e seen9some thin#s9thin#s like this9remain $rett+ m"ch the same,8 I nod( silentl+ "r#in# him on( sensin# somethin# m"ch dee$er in his words( '"t knowin# he7s choosin# to dole them o"t slowl+, 0Technolo#+ ad ances so 3"ickl+( makin# the %amiliar o'solete at an increasin#l+ ra$id $ace, And while thin#s like %ashion ma+ seem to ad ance and chan#e( i% +o" li e lon# eno"#h( +o" reali2e it7s reall+ )"st c+clical9the reada$tin# o% old ideas made to seem new, B"t while e er+thin# aro"nd "s seems to 'e in a constant state o% %l"19$eo$le at their er+ core remain e1actl+ the same, All o% "s still seekin# the thin#s we7 e so"#ht all alon#9shelter( %ood( lo e( #reater meanin#98 Me shakes his head, 0A 3"est that7s imm"ne to e ol"tion,8 Me looks at me with e+es so dee$ and dark( I can7t ima#ine what it7s like to 'e him, To ha e witnessed so m"ch( to know so m"ch( to ha e done so m"ch9and +et( des$ite what he thinks( he7s not the sli#htest 'it )aded, Me7s still %"ll o% dreams, 0And once the 'asics are co ered( once we7 e sec"red %ood and shelter( we s$end the rest o% o"r time )"st lookin# to 'e lo ed,8 Me leans toward me( li$s cool and so%t as the+ 'r"sh m+ skin9%leetin#( e$hemeral( like a sweet desert 'ree2e, -"llin# awa+ to #a2e at the windmills a#ain when he sa+s( 0The .etherlands is known %or their windmills, And since +o" did s$end a li%etime there( I tho"#ht +o" mi#ht want to isit,8 I s3"int( thinkin# he s"rel+ miss$oke, 5e7 e no time %or that tri$9do we> 5atchin# as he smiles( #a2e #rowin# li#hter as he sa+s( 0:lose +o"r e+es and come with me,8

thirt+*one

5e t"m'le %orward( hands clas$ed to#ether as we land with a th"d, Takin# a moment to look aro"nd when I sa+( 0=mi#od9this is98 0Amsterdam,8 Me nods( e+es narrowin# as he ad)"sts to the mist, 0=nl+ not the real Amsterdam( the S"mmerland ersion, I wo"ld7 e taken +o" to the real one( '"t I %i#"red this tri$ was shorter,8 I #a2e all aro"nd( takin# in the canals( the 'rid#es( the windmills( the %ields o% red t"li$s9wonderin# i% he created that last $art %or me( then remem'erin# how Molland is %amo"s %or its %lowers9es$eciall+ its t"li$s, 0Yo" don7t reco#ni2e it( do +o">8 he asks( st"d+in# me care%"ll+ as I shake m+ head, 0Ci e it some time( +o" will, I7 e recreated it %rom memor+( how I remem'er it 'ack in the nineteenth cent"r+ when +o" and I were last there, It7s a $rett+ #ood co$+ i% I sa+ so m+sel%,8 Me leads me across the street( $a"sin# lon# eno"#h to allow an em$t+ carria#e to $ass( 'e%ore contin"in# to a small store%ront( its door wide o$en( as a li el+ crowd o% %aceless $eo$le #ather inside, 5atchin# me care%"ll+( ea#er to see i% a memor+7s s$arked( '"t I mo e awa+( wantin# to #et a %eel on m+ own( tr+in# to $ict"re the %ormer me in this $lace9the red*haired( #reen*e+ed me9walkin# amon# these white walls( wood %loors at m+ %eet( #a2in# at the line o% $aintin#s dottin# the $erimeter as I wea e thro"#h the $atrons who 'e#in to %ade at the ed#es 'e%ore stren#thenin# a#ain, Gnowin# that !amen7s res$onsi'le %or kee$in# them here( ha in# mani%ested their er+ e1istence, I mo e alon# the walls( ass"min# this is a re*creation o% the #aller+ where we %irst met( tho"#h disa$$ointed to %ind it not the least 'it %amiliar, .otin# how all the $aintin#s 'l"r and %ade "ntil the+7re com$letel+ im$erce$ti'le( e1ce$t %or the one )"st 'e%ore me( the onl+ one that7s intact, I lean %orward( s3"intin# at a #irl with a'"ndant titian hair9a l"1"rio"s 'lend o% reds( #olds( and 'rowns contrastin# so 'ea"ti%"ll+ with her e1$anse o% $ale skin, -ainted in a wa+ so tan#i'le( so smooth( so in itin#9it7s as tho"#h one co"ld ste$ in, M+ #a2e roams the len#th o% her( seein# she7s n"de tho"#h strate#icall+ co ered, The ends o% her hair dam$ and con%ormin#( t"m'lin# o er her sho"lders and han#in# well $ast her waist( while her hands are %olded( restin# ato$ a $ink %l"shed thi#h t"rned sli#htl+ in, Tho"#h it7s the e+es that #ra' me( made o% the dee$est #reen and holdin# a #a2e so direct( so o$en( as tho"#h starin# at a lo er( not the least 'it ashamed at ha in# 'een ca"#ht in this state, M+ stomach twitches( while m+ heart 'e#ins to %l"tter( and e en tho"#h I7m aware o% !amen standin# ri#ht there 'eside me( I can7t look at him, :an7t incl"de him in this, Somethin# is cree$in# "$on me( the 'irth o% an idea t"##in#( n"d#in#( demandin# to 'e known, And 'e%ore I7 e e en 'linked( I see it, As s"re as I see the #ilt %rame s"rro"ndin# the can as( I know that the woman is me4 The $rior me, The !"tch me, The artist7s m"se me who %ell %or !amen the ni#ht we met in this #aller+, B"t the thin# that dist"r's me( the thin# that kee$s me 3"iet and still( is the s"dden reali2ation that the "nseen lo er she #a2es "$on isn7t !amen, It7s some'od+ else, Someone "nseen, 0So +o" reco#ni2e her,8 !amen7s oice smooth( matter*o%*%act( not the least 'it s"r$rised that I do, 0It7s the e+es( ri#ht>8 Me $eers at me( %ace er+ close when he adds( 0The color ma+ chan#e( '"t their essence sta+s the same,8 I #lance at him( takin# in the l"sh %rin#e o% lashes that nearl+ o'sc"re the wist%"lness o% his #a2e9$rom$tin# me to 3"ickl+ t"rn awa+, Mow old was I> .ot tr"stin# m+ oice with the words, The %ace a$$earin# "nlined and +o"th%"l( tho"#h the con%idence is that o% a woman( not a #irl, 0Ei#hteen,8 Me nods( contin"in# to st"d+ me, Ca2e $"shin#( $ro'in#( wantin# me to 'e the %irst one to sa+ it( $leadin# %or me to )"st s$eak "$9to s$are him this task, ?ollowin# m+ #a2e to the $aintin# as he adds( 0Yo" were 'ea"ti%"l, Tr"l+, J"st like this, Me ca$t"red +o" so9$er%ectl+,8 Me, So there it is, The ed#e in his oice s$eakin# ol"mes9re ealin# e er+thin# his words onl+ hint at, Me knows the identit+ o% the artist, Gnows it wasn7t him I "nclothed m+sel% %or, I swallow hard( e+es narrowin# as I tr+ to make sense o% the 'lack( an#"lar scrawl at the 'ottom ri#ht corner, !eci$herin# a series o% consonants and owels( a com'ination o% letters that mean nothin# to me, 0Bastiaan de Gool(8 !amen sa+s( #a2in# at me, I t"rn( m+ e+es meetin# his( "na'le to s$eak, 0Bastiaan de Gool is the artist who $ainted this, -ainted +o",8 Me t"rns toward the $ortrait( e+es roamin# o er it a#ain( 'e%ore ret"rnin# to me, I shake m+ head( %eelin# li#ht( woo2+9e er+thin# I once tho"#ht I knew9a'o"t me9a'o"t "s9the entire %o"ndation o% o"r li es s"ddenl+ #one ten"o"s and weak, !amen nods( there7s no need to $ress it, Both o% "s reco#ni2in# the tr"th dis$la+ed ri#ht 'e%ore "s, 0In case +o"7re wonderin#( it was o er 'e%ore the $aint e en dried, =r at least that7s what I con inced m+sel% o%98 Me shakes his head, 0B"t now9well( I7m no lon#er s"re,8 I #a$e( e+es wide( "ncom$rehendin#, 5hat co"ld this $aintin#9this cent"r+*old ersion o% me9ha e an+thin# to do with "s9the wa+ we are now> 05o"ld +o" like to meet him>8 he asks( #a2e shadowed( distant( di%%ic"lt to read, 0Bastiaan>8 The name oddl+ com%orta'le on m+ li$s, !amen nods( willin# to mani%est him i% I7ll onl+ a#ree, B"t )"st as I7m a'o"t to re%"se( he $laces his hand on m+ arm and sa+s( 0I think +o" sho"ld, It onl+ seems %air,8 I take a dee$ 'reath( %oc"sin# on the warmth o% his hand as he closes his e+es in dee$ concentration( s"mmonin# a tall( ran#+( sli#htl+ dishe eled #"+ %rom what was once em$t+ s$ace, Hettin# #o o% m+ arm as he mo es awa+( allowin# me $lent+ o% room in which to st"d+( o'ser e( 'e%ore we r"n o"t o% time and he %ades, I mo e toward him( walkin# slow( wide circles aro"nd this 'lank( hollow stran#er9this 'ri#ht( em$t+( creation9so"lless( "nreal, .otin# his traits in an o%%hand wa+9the hei#ht makin# him a$$ear e en sli#hter( the hint o% lean( sinew+ m"scle li#htl+ $addin# his 'ones9the clothes that are clean and o% decent 3"alit+ and c"t( han#in# sli#htl+ o%% kilter( the skin so $ale and %lawless it nearl+ matches m+ own( while his hair is dark( wa +( 'r"shed to the side( a #ood ch"nk o% 'an# %allin# hea il+ into a startlin# $air o% e+es, I #as$( %orcin# the air into m+ l"n#s as he soon %ades awa+( hearin# !amen sa+( 05o"ld +o" like me to re%resh him a#ain>8 =' io"sl+ hatin# to do so( '"t willin# to o'li#e i% I ask, B"t I )"st contin"e to stand there( starin# into a swirl o% i'ratin# $i1els that soon anish com$letel+, Gnowin# I don7t need him re i ed to know who he is, J"de, The #"+ who was standin# 'e%ore me( the !"tch artist who went '+ the name o% Bastiaan de Gool in the nineteenth cent"r+9has now reincarnated into this cent"r+ as J"de,

I reach %or somethin# to stead+ me( %eelin# shak+( em$t+( o%% 'alance, Reali2in# too late that there7s nothin# to catch me( "ntil !amen 3"ickl+ mo es to m+ side, 0E er48 he cries( oice so "r#ent it resonates to m+ core( his arms ti#htenin# aro"nd me( shieldin# me in a wa+ that %eels )"st like home, Mani%estin# a so%t( $l"sh+ co"ch where he #"ides me to sit( his #a2e ho erin# o er me( an1io"s( "nner ed( ha in# no intention o% "$settin# me like this, I t"rn( holdin# m+ 'reath as m+ e+es meet his( a%raid o% %indin# somethin# di%%erent( somethin# chan#ed( now that it7s all laid o"t in the o$en, .ow that we 'oth know it wasn7t alwa+s )"st him, That there was once someone else, And I know him toda+, 0I don7t98 I shake m+ head( %eelin# em'arrassed( #"ilt+( as tho"#h I7 e somehow 'etra+ed him '+ "nknowin#l+ seekin# him o"t, 0I7m not s"re what to sa+9I98 !amen shakes his head( his hand at m+ cheek( drawin# me near, 0!on7t think that(8 he sa+s, 0.one o% this is +o"r %a"lt, Yo" hear me> .one o% it, It7s )"st karma,8 Me $a"ses( #a2e holdin# mine, 0It7s )"st "n%inished '"siness9so to s$eak,8 0B"t what co"ld 'e "n%inished>8 I ask( ha in# an inklin# o% an idea o% where this is #oin# and re%"sin# to take $art in that )o"rne+, 0That was o er a h"ndred +ears a#o4 And like +o" said( it was o er 'e%ore the $aint e en98 B"t 'e%ore I can #et there( he7s shakin# his head( hand on m+ cheek( m+ sho"lder( m+ knee( as he sa+s( 0I7m no lon#er so s"re a'o"t that,8 I look at him( %i#htin# the "r#e to $"ll awa+, 5ishin# he7d sto$, 5antin# to lea e, .o lon#er likin# it here, 0It seems I7 e inter%ered(8 he sa+s( %ace hard( )"d#mental( tho"#h it7s a )"d#ment reser ed onl+ %or him, 0It seems I ha e a ha'it o% intr"din# on +o"r li%e( meddlin# in decisions that sho"ld7 e 'een +o"rs, -"shin# a %ate that89he $a"ses( )aw clenched( #a2e stead+( tho"#h his li$ 3"i ers in a wa+ that re eals the $rice o% all this90that was ne er meant to 'e +o"rs98 05hat are +o" talkin# a'o"t>8 I cr+( oice hi#h( "r#ent( sensin# the ener#+ s"rro"ndin# his words( and knowin# it7s a'o"t to #et worse, 0Isn7t it o' io"s>8 Me looks at me( the li#ht in his e+es %ract"red into millions o% 'its9a kaleidosco$e o% darkness that ma+ ne er 'e %i1ed, Me rises %rom the co"ch in one 3"ick( sin"o"s mo e "ntil he7s %illin# the s$ace )"st 'e%ore me, B"t 'e%ore he can s$eak( 'e%ore he can make thin#s e en worse( I r"sh ahead when I sa+( 0This is ridic"lo"s4 All o% it4 E er+thin#4 It7s destin+ that7s 'ro"#ht "s to#ether a#ain and a#ain, 5e7re so"l mates4 Yo" said it +o"rsel%4 And %rom what I7 e learned( that7s e1actl+ how it works9so"l mates %ind each other( time and a#ain( a#ainst all odds( no matter what48 I reach %or his hand '"t he7s sli$$ed )"st o"t o% reach( $acin# 'e%ore me( a oidin# m+ to"ch, 0!estin+>8 Me shakes his head( oice harsh( #a2e cr"el( '"t all o% it directed inwardl+, 05as it destin+ when I $"r$osel+ roamed the earth in search o% +o"9o er and o er a#ain9"na'le to rest "ntil I7d %o"nd +o">8 Me sto$s( e+es meetin# mine, 0Tell me E er( does that so"nd like destin+ to +o"> =r somethin# that was %orced>8 I start to s$eak( li$s $artin# wide tho"#h no words will come( watchin# as he t"rns toward the wall and stares at the #irl, That $ro"d and 'ea"ti%"l #irl whose #a2e mo es ri#ht $ast him9toward some'od+ else, 0Somehow I was a'le to i#nore all o% this( $"sh it aside %or the last %o"r h"ndred +ears( con incin# m+sel% it was o"r %ate( that +o" and I were meant to 'e, B"t the other da+( when +o" dro$$ed '+ a%ter work( I sensed somethin# di%%erent9a shi%t in +o"r ener#+, And then last ni#ht( at the store9I knew, I stare at his 'ack( the solid s3"are o% his sho"lders9his lean( m"scled %orm, Remem'erin# how he acted so stran#el+( so %ormal( and thinkin# how it all makes $er%ect sense, 0The moment I saw his e+es( I knew,8 Me t"rns( his #a2e meetin# mine, 0So tell me( E er( tell me the tr"th( was it not the same wa+ with +o">8 I swallow hard( wantin# to look awa+( '"t knowin# I can7t, Me7ll misread it( ass"me I7m holdin# 'ack, Remem'erin# the moment J"de ca"#ht me alone in his store( the wa+ m+ heart raced( m+ cheeks %l"shed( alon# with the odd( ner o"s dance in m+ #"t, =ne moment I was %ine and the ne1t9a mess, And all 'eca"se J"de7s dee$ sea #reen e+es met mine , , , It co"ldn7t mean9 :o"ldn7t $ossi'l+9 :o"ld it> I rise %rom the co"ch( mo in# toward him 7til o"r 'odies are mere inches a$art, 5antin# to ass"re him( ass"re me, ?ind a wa+ to $ro e that none o% it meant an+thin#, B"t this is S"mmerland, And tho"#hts are ener#+, And I7m a%raid he )"st witnessed mine, 0It7s not +o"r %a"lt(8 he sa+s( oice hoarse( ro"#h, 0-lease don7t %eel 'ad,8 I sho e m+ hands in m+ $ockets( $"shin# as dee$ as the+7ll #o( determined to stead+ m+sel% in a world that7s no lon#er sta'le, 0I want +o" to know how sorr+ I am, And +et98 Me shakes his head, 0Sorr+ )"st doesn7t c"t it, It7s woe%"ll+ inade3"ate( and +o" deser e 'etter than that, I7m a%raid the onl+ thin# I can do now9the onl+ thin# that7ll make thin#s ri#ht( is to98 Mis oice 'reaks( $rom$tin# me to li%t m+ %ace "ntil it7s e en with his, The two o% "s standin# so close the sli#htest mo e %orward co"ld easil+ 'rid#e the #a$, B"t )"st as I7m a'o"t to make the lea$( he 'acks awa+( #a2e stead+( %eat"res drawn ti#ht( determined to 'e heard when he sa+s( 0I7m ste$$in# aside, It7s the onl+ thin# I can do at this $oint, ?rom this moment on( I will no lon#er inter%ere with +o"r %ate, ?rom this $oint on( e er+ mo e toward +o"r destin+ is +o"rs and +o"rs alone to make,8 M+ ision #oes 'l"rr+( throat hot and ti#ht, S"rel+ he can7t mean what I think> :an he> Ca2in# "$on him as he stands 'e%ore me( m+ $er%ect so"l mate( the lo e o% m+ li es( the one $erson I was s"re was m+ shelter now lea in# m+ side, 0I7 e no ri#ht to 'ar#e into +o"r li%e in the wa+ that I ha e, .e er #i in# +o" the chance to choose %or +o"rsel%, And +o" know what the worst $art is>8 Me looks at me( e+es %illed with s"ch sel%*loathin# I7m $ressed to look awa+, 0I wasn7t e en no'le eno"#h( wasn7t e en man eno"#h( to $la+ %air,8 Me shakes his head, 0I "sed e er+ trick in the 'ook( all the $owers at m+ dis$osal to annihilate the com$etition, And while I7 e no wa+ to chan#e the $ast %o"r h"ndred +ears9nor the immortalit+ I7 e %orced "$on +o"9I7m ho$in# that now9'+ ste$$in# aside9I7ll allow +o" some smid#en o% %reedom in allowin# +o" to choose,8 0Between +o" and J"de>8 I #a$e( oice risin# to the $oint o% h+steria( wantin# him to sa+ it, J"st sa+ it, E"it dancin# aro"nd it and #et to the $oint, B"t he )"st contin"es to stand there( world*wear+ #a2e %oc"sed on mine, 05ell( there is no choice4 .o choice at all4 J"de is m+ 'oss9he7s not the least 'it interested in me9or I in him48 0Then +o" %ail to see what I see(8 !amen sa+s( as tho"#h it7s a %act9some lar#e( solid o')ect $arked ri#ht 'e%ore me, 0That7s 'eca"se there7s nothin# to see, !on7t +o" #et it> All I see is +o"48 I #a2e at him( ision 'l"rr+( hands shak+( %eelin# so aw%"l and em$t+ as tho"#h each 'reath )"st mi#ht 'e m+ last, B"t as soon as I7 e said it( !amen hi#hli#hts the $aintin# a#ain, :a"sin# it to #low in a wa+ that can7t 'e i#nored, B"t e en tho"#h he thinks it7s si#ni%icant( that #irl is a stran#er to me, M+ so"l ma+ ha e once occ"$ied her 'od+( '"t it7s no lon#er home, I start to s$eak( wantin# to e1$lain that( '"t no words will come, =nl+ a lon# $iercin# wail that co"rses %rom m+ mind to his, A so"nd that means $lease and don7t9a so"nd witho"t end, 0I7m not #oin# an+where(8 he sa+s( imm"ne to m+ $lea, 0I7ll alwa+s 'e close( somewhere near'+, A'le to sense +o"( kee$in# +o" sa%e, B"t as %or the

rest98 Me shakes his head( oice de%eated( sad( '"t determined to 'e heard, 0I7m a%raid I can no lon#er9I7m a%raid I7ll ha e to98 B"t I won7t let him %inish( can7t let him %inish( c"ttin# ri#ht in when I cr+( 0I7 e alread+ tried a li%e witho"t +o"( when I went 'ack in time( and #"ess what> ?ate sent me ri#ht 'ack48 Ca2e 'l"rred '+ tears( '"t I don7t t"rn awa+, I want him to see it, 5ant him to know e1actl+ what his mis#"ided altr"ism is costin# me, 0B"t( E er( that doesn7t mean +o" were meant to 'e with me( ma+'e +o" were sent 'ack to %ind J"de( and now that +o" ha e98 0?ine(8 I sa+( re%"sin# to let him %inish( not when I ha e $lent+ more e idence $ro in# m+ case, 0Then what a'o"t the time +o" held +o"r hand close( makin# me %oc"s on o"r tin#le and heat( claimin# that7s e1actl+ how it %eels 'etween so"l mates> 5hat a'o"t that> !id +o" not mean it> Are +o" takin# it 'ack>8 0E er98 Me shakes his head and r"'s his e+es, 0E er( I98 0!on7t +o" #et it>8 I shake m+ head( sensin# his ener#+( knowin# it won7t make the least 'it o% di%%erence '"t contin"in# an+wa+, 0!on7t +o" see that I onl+ want +o">8 Me 'rin#s his hand to m+ cheek( %in#ers so so%t and lo in#9a cr"el reminder o% what I7ll no lon#er ha e9his tho"#hts tra elin# the distance %rom his head to mine( $leadin# with me to "nderstand( to #i e it some time, -lease don7t think this is eas+ %or me, I had no idea how $ain%"l it is to act witho"t the sli#htest hint o% sel%*interest9ma+'e that7s wh+ I ne er tried 'e%ore> Me smiles( attem$tin# a 'it o% le it+ that I re%"se to acce$t, 5antin# him to %eel as aw%"l and em$t+ as me, I ro''ed +o" o% e er seein# +o"r %amil+ a#ain9$"t +o"r er+ so"l at risk9his #a2e narrows on mine9B"t( E er( +o"7 e #ot to listen( +o" m"st "nderstand( it7s time %or +o" to choose the one thin# +o" still can9witho"t inter%erence %rom me4 0I7 e alread+ chosen(8 I sa+( oice wooden( wear+( too tired to %i#ht, 0I chose +o" and +o" can7t take it 'ack,8 I look at him( knowin# m+ words are "seless( he7s %i1ed on his $lan, 0!amen( serio"sl+( so I knew him h"ndreds o% +ears a#o in a co"ntr+ I ha en7t isited since, Bi# deal4 =ne li%e9o"t o% how man+>8 Me looks at me %or a moment( then closes his e+es( oice 'arel+ a whis$er as he sa+s( 0It wasn7t )"st one li%e( E er,8 ?adin# the #aller+ tho"#h kee$in# the windmills and t"li$s as he mani%ests a whole world 'e%ore me9se eral worlds in %act9-aris9Hondon9.ew En#land9all lined "$ in a row( $laced ri#ht in the middle o% Amsterdam where we 'oth stand, 5orlds that sta+ tr"e to their time9the architect"re( the clothin#9all indicati e o% their $eriod9+et de oid o% their citi2ens9$o$"lated onl+ '+ three, Me in all o% m+ #"ises9a lowl+ -arisian ser ant9s$oiled Hondon societ+ #irl9da"#hter o% a -"ritan9with J"de alwa+s 'eside me9a ?rench sta'le 'o+9a British Earl9a %ellow $arishioner9each o% "s di%%erent( chan#in#( tho"#h the e+es are the same, And I watch( %oc"sin# on one i#nette at a time( the scene $la+in# 'e%ore me like a well*sta#ed $la+, M+ interest in J"de alwa+s wanin# the moment !amen comes on the scene9)"st as ma#ical and mesmeri2in# as he is toda+( "sin# all o% his tricks to steal me awa+, I stand there( 'reathless( no idea what to sa+, All I know is that I want it to %ade, I %ace him( "nderstandin# wh+ he %eels like he does( '"t knowin# it doesn7t make the least 'it o% di%%erence, .ot to me, .ot where m+ heart is concerned, 0So +o"7 e made "$ +o"r mind, ?ine, I don7t like it( '"t %ine, B"t what I reall+ need to know is )"st how lon# are we talkin# here> :o"$le da+s> A week>8 I shake m+ head, 0J"st how lon# will it take %or +o" to acce$t the %act that no matter what ha$$ens( no matter what +o" ma+ think or sa+( no matter how "n%air the %i#ht ma+ ha e seemed( I choose +o", I7 e alwa+s chosen +o", ?or me there7s onl+ +o",8 0This isn7t somethin# +o" can attach a date to9+o"7 e #ot to #i e +o"rsel% time( time to release +o"r attachment to me9time to mo e on98 0J"st 'eca"se +o"7re determined to do this( )"st 'eca"se +o" want to make thin#s ri#ht des$ite what I sa+( )"st 'eca"se +o" in ented the #ame doesn7t mean +o" make all the r"les, Beca"se i% +o"7re tr"l+ intent on lettin# me choose( then I choose "ntil the end o% toda+,8 Me shakes his head( e+es a$$earin# the sli#htest 'it li#hter( and i% I7m not mistaken( tin#ed with a hint o% relie%, And in that moment( I know9a #limmer o% ho$e that makes m+ heart soar, Me hates this )"st as m"ch as I do, I7m not the onl+ one aro"nd here in need o% an end date, 0The end o% the +ear(8 he sa+s( )aw clenched in a wa+ that tells me he7s tr+in# to 'e no'le( #allant( ridic"lo"sl+ so, 0That sho"ld allow $lent+ o% time,8 I shake m+ head( 'arel+ allowin# him the chance to %inish when I sa+( 0B+ the end o% tomorrow, I7m s"re I7ll ha e m+ decision '+ then,8 B"t he7s not ha in# it( re%"sin# to e en ne#otiate( sa+in#( 0E er( $lease( we7 e o"r whole li es ahead o% "s i% that7s what +o" choose, Tr"st me( there7s reall+ no h"rr+,8 0The end o% ne1t week,8 I nod( oice ti#htenin#( wonderin# how I7ll $ossi'l+ make it 7til then, 0The end o% the s"mmer(8 he sa+s( the words %inal as his #a2e meets mine, I stand 'e%ore him( "na'le to s$eak, Thinkin# how the s"mmer I7 e 'een antici$atin# since we %irst #ot to#ether9ima#inin# three months o% %rolic and %"n in the Ha#"na Beach s"n9has 3"ickl+ deteriorated into the loneliest season, Gnowin# there7s no more to sa+( I mo e awa+, I#norin# his hand reachin# %or mine( wantin# to make the ret"rn tri$ to#ether, I% he7s so determined %or me to choose m+ own $ath( then I choose to start now, B+ lea in# the #aller+ and headin# onto the street( makin# m+ wa+ thro"#h Amsterdam( -aris( Hondon( and .ew En#land( witho"t once lookin# 'ack,

thirt+*two

The moment I t"rn the corner( I r"n, ?eet mo in# so 3"ickl+( it7s as tho"#h I can o"tr"n !amen( the #aller+( e er+thin#( all o% it, The co''lestone %irst %adin# to $a ement then #rass( r"nnin# $ast all o% m+ "s"al S"mmerland ha"nts( determined to mani%est one o% m+ own9a $lace where !amen can7t #o, Makin# m+ wa+ to the to$ o% the wooden 'leachers at m+ old school( %acin# the score'oard that reads 0C= BEARS48 and claimin# the seat in the %ar ri#ht corner where I tried m+ %irst ;and last< ci#arette( where I kissed m+ e1*'o+%riend Brandon %or the er+ %irst time( and where m+ %ormer %riend Rachel and I once rei#ned s"$reme( #i##lin# and %lirtin# in o"r cheerleadin# o"t%its( totall+ "naware o% )"st how com$licated li%e can 'e, I $lace m+ %eet on the 'ench ri#ht 'e%ore me and 'rin# m+ head to m+ knees( chokin# 'ack #reat( sho"lder*hea in# so's as I tr+ to make sense o% what ha$$ened, Sni%%lin# into a hand%"l o% mani%ested tiss"es as I #a2e 'lear+ e+ed at a %oot'all %ield crowded with %aceless( nameless $la+ers r"nnin# thro"#h their $ractice drills as their hair*tossin# #irl%riends #ossi$ and %lirt %rom the side, Mo$in# s"ch a %amiliar( normal scene will somehow $ro ide the com%ort I need9then makin# it %ade when I onl+ %eel worse, This is no lon#er m+ li%e, .o lon#er m+ %ate, !amen7s m+ %"t"re, There7s no do"'t in m+ mind, E en tho"#h I #et all )"m$+ and ner o"s whene er J"de7s near( e en tho"#h there7s an "ndenia'le somethin# whene er we meet9it doesn7t mean an+thin#, !oesn7t mean he7s The =ne, It7s merel+ the e%%ect o% o"r $ast %amiliarit+( a s"'conscio"s reco#nition( no more, J"st 'eca"se he $la+ed a $art in m+ histor+ doesn7t mean he has a role in m+ %"t"re other than 'oss at a s"mmer )o' I ne er wo"ld7 e #one lookin# %or i% Sa'ine hadn7t made me, So how can I $ossi'l+ 'e at %a"lt> Mow can this $ossi'l+ 'e an+thin# other than )"st a weird coincidence( a $esk+ $art o% m+ $ast that( thro"#h no %a"lt o% mine( re%"ses to die> I mean( it7s not like I went lookin# %or this9ri#ht> Ri#ht> B"t e en tho"#h m+ heart knows the tr"th( I can7t hel$ '"t wonder )"st what we once meant to each other, !id I reall+ emer#e %rom a lake not carin# i% he saw the n"de me> =r was that $ortrait taken strai#ht %rom his o eracti e ima#ination> 5hich onl+ leads me to more 3"estions9ones I7d $re%er to i#nore( like: 5as I not reall+ a ir#in %or the last %o"r h"ndred +ears like I tho"#ht> !id I act"all+ slee$ with J"de and not !amen> And i% so( is that wh+ I %eel so sh+ and weird aro"nd him now> I #a2e at the em$t+ %ield 'e%ore me( t"rnin# it into the Roman :olise"m( the E#+$tian -+ramids( the Acro$olis in Athens( the Crand Ba2aar in Istan'"l( the =$era Mo"se in S+dne+( St, Mark7s S3"are in Benice( the Medina in Marrakech9watchin# the scener+ whirl and chan#e( 'ecomin# all the $laces I ho$e to isit someda+( knowin# onl+ one thin# %or s"re: I7 e #ot three months, Three months witho"t !amen, Three months o% knowin# he7s o"t there( somewhere( '"t "na'le to to"ch him( access him( 'e with him a#ain, Three months in which to learn eno"#h ma#ick to sol e all o"r $ro'lems and #et him 'ack %or #ood, Gnowin# more than I7 e e er known an+thin#9that he alone is m+ %"t"re( m+ destin+( no matter what came 'e%ore, I %oc"s 'ack on the scener+( the Crand :an+on mor$hin# into Mach" -icch"( which 'ecomes the Creat 5all o% :hina( knowin# there7s $lent+ o% time %or this later( '"t %or now( I7 e #ot to #o 'ack, Back to the earth $lane, Back to the store, Mo$in# to catch J"de 'e%ore he closes "$ sho$( needin# him to teach me( once and %or all( how to read that 'ook,

thirt+*three

All week I a oided Sa'ine, I didn7t think it was $ossi'le( '"t 'etween school( m+ new )o'( and Miles7s %inal Mairs$ra+ $er %ormance( I was $rett+ m"ch scot*%ree "ntil the moment I7m a'o"t to toss m+ 'reak%ast down the sink, 0So,8 She smiles( sidlin# "$ 'eside me( dressed in worko"t clothes and #listenin# with the #low o% #ood health and sweat, 0!on7t we ha e somethin# to talk a'o"t> A con ersation +o"7 e worked hard to dela+>8 I reach %or m+ #lass and shr"#( "ns"re what to sa+, 0Mow7s +o"r new )o'> E er+thin# oka+>8 I nod( eas+( noncommittal( as tho"#h I7m %ar too interested in ch"##in# this )"ice to res$ond, 0Beca"se I can $ro'a'l+ still s3"ee2e +o" in on that internshi$ i% +o"7d like98 I shake m+ head and %inish the remains( incl"din# the $"l$, Rinsin# m+ c"$ and $lacin# it into the dishwasher as I sa+( 0.ot necessar+,8 :atchin# the e1$ression on her %ace and addin#( 0Reall+, It7s all #ood,8 She st"dies me( #a2e intense( reall+ takin# me in, 0E er( wh+ didn7t +o" mention that -a"l was +o"r teacher>8 I %ree2e( '"t onl+ %or a moment 'e%ore I t"rn m+ attention to a 'owl o% cereal I ha e no interest in eatin#, Cra''in# a s$oon and swirlin# the contents aro"nd and aro"nd as I sa+( 0Beca"se -a"l with the cool shoes and desi#ner )eans isn7t m+ teacher, Mr, M"no2 with the dork #lasses and $ressed khakis is,8 I li%t the s$oon to m+ mo"th( care%"ll+ a oidin# her #a2e, 0I )"st can7t 'elie e +o" didn7t sa+ an+thin#,8 She shakes her head and %rowns, I shr"#( $retendin# I don7t want to s$eak with m+ mo"th %"ll( when the tr"th is( I don7t want to s$eak, 0!oes it 'other +o"> That I7m datin# +o"r teacher>8 She s3"ints( slidin# the towel o%% her neck and $ressin# it to her %orehead, I stir the cereal aro"nd and aro"nd( knowin# there7s no wa+ I can eat an+ more( not a%ter she7s started all this, 0As lon# as +o" don7t talk a'o"t me,8 I st"d+ her closel+( readin# her a"ra( her 'od+ lan#"a#e( notin# the wa+ she )"st shi%ted "ncom%orta'l+( and sto$$in# )"st short o% $eerin# into her head, 0I mean( +o" don7t talk a'o"t me( ri#ht>8 I add( #a2e %i1ed on hers, B"t she )"st la"#hs( a ertin# her e+es as a %l"sh 'looms on her cheeks, 0T"rns o"t we7 e #ot m"ch more in common than that,8 0Yeah> Hike what>8 I mash m+ s$oon a#ainst m+ cereal( dis$lacin# m+ %r"stration onto m+ ?root Hoo$s and t"rnin# them into a so##+( rain'ow*colored mess, 5onderin# i% I sho"ld 'reak the news to her now or sa e it %or later, The startlin# re elation that this lo e match won7t last9not accordin# to the ision I saw o% her $aired "$ with some c"te( nameless #"+ who works in her '"ildin#9 05ell( %or starters we7re 'oth %ascinated '+ the Italian Renaissance98 I look at her( %i#htin# the "r#e to roll m+ e+es, Ma in# ne er heard her mention that and I7 e li ed with her %or nearl+ a +ear, 05e 'oth lo e Italian %ood98 =h +eah( de%initel+ so"l mates, The onl+ two $eo$le who act"all+ like $i22a and $asta and st"%% drenched with red sa"ce and cheese , , , 0And as o% ?rida+( he7ll 'e s$endin# 3"ite a 'it o% time in m+ '"ildin#48 I sto$, Sto$ e er+thin#, Incl"din# 'reathin# and 'linkin#( so I can stand there and #a$e, 0Me7s workin# as an e1$ert witness on a case that98 Mer li$s kee$ mo in#( hands #est"rin#( '"t I sto$$ed listenin# a %ew sentences 'ack, Mer words drowned '+ the so"nd o% m+ own crashin# heart( accom$anied '+ the silent scream that crowds e er+thin# o"t, .o4 It can7t 'e, :an7t, Be, :an it> Remem'erin# the ision that ni#ht in the resta"rant9Sa'ine #ettin# to#ether with a c"te #"+ who works in her '"ildin#9a #"+( who( witho"t the #lasses I didn7t e en reco#ni2e as M"no24 Gnowin# immediatel+ what this reall+ means9this is it9her destin+9M"no2 is The =ne4 0Yo" oka+>8 Mer hand reaches %or mine as concern clo"ds her %ace, B"t I $"ll awa+ 3"ickl+( a oidin# her to"ch, Swallowin# hard as I $aste a smile onto m+ %ace( knowin# she deser es to 'e ha$$+9heck( e en he deser es to 'e ha$$+, B"t still9wh+ do the+ ha e to 'e ha$$+ to#ether> Serio"sl+( o"t o% all the men she co"ld date( wh+ does it ha e to 'e m+ teacher( the one who knows m+ secret> I look at her( %orcin# a nod as I dro$ m+ 'owl in the sink( %leein# %or the door as I sa+( 0Yeah9it7s all #ood( serio"sl+, I )"st9I don7t want to 'e late,8

thirt+*%o"r

0Me+( it7s S"nda+ we don7t e en o$en 7til ele en,8 J"de $ro$s his s"r%'oard a#ainst the wall and s3"ints, I nod( 'arel+ #lancin# awa+ %rom the 'ook( determined %or it to make sense, 0.eed hel$>8 Me tosses his towel on a chair and mo es aro"nd the desk "ntil he7s standin# 'ehind me, 0I% it in ol es more o% this hand+ dand+ code translator +o" made(8 I ta$ the sheet o% $a$er 'eside me( 0or an+thin# e en resem'lin# +o"r lon# list o% meditations( then no thanks( I7 e had all I can take, B"t i% +o"7re %inall+ #oin# to tell me how to read this thin#( witho"t ass"min# the lot"s $osition( $ict"rin# 'eams o% white li#ht( andFor makin# me ima#ine lon#( s$indl+ roots #rowin# %rom the soles o% m+ %eet and e1tendin# dee$ into the earth( then +es( '+ all means( #o ahead and tr+,8 I slide the 'ook toward him( care%"l to to"ch onl+ its ed#e( catchin# a 3"ick #lim$se o% his am"sed %ace( that tro$ical #a2e( the s$liced 'row( 'e%ore lookin# awa+, Me $laces his hand on the desk and leans toward the 'ook( %in#ers s$la+ed a#ainst the old( $ockmarked wood( 'od+ so close I can %eel the $"sh o% his ener#+ mer#e into m+ s$ace, 0There7s another wa+ that mi#ht work, 5ell( %or someone with +o"r #i%ts an+wa+, B"t the wa+ +o" handle that thin#( onl+ to"chin# the ed#es( kee$in# +o"r distance( it7s $rett+ clear +o"7re a%raid,8 Mis oice dri%ts o er me( soothin# and calm, -rom$tin# me to close m+ e+es %or a moment and allow m+sel% to %eel it( reall+ %eel it( witho"t tr+in# to sto$ it or $"sh it awa+, Ea#er to $ro e !amen wron#( re$ort 'ack that I #a e it a %air shot and there7s not a sin#le trace o% tin#le or heat to 'e %o"nd, E en tho"#h J"de likes me9likes me in the same wa+ I like !amen and !amen likes me9e en tho"#h I saw it in the ision he "nwittin#l+ showed me that da+ 9it7s one*sided, All a'o"t him( not the sli#htest 'it reci$rocated '+ me, The onl+ thin# I7m #ettin# is a decrease in stress and an1iet+( a serenit+ so lan#"id( so rela1ed( it soothes m+ )an#led ner es( and9 Me ta$s me on the sho"lder( +ankin# me o"t o% m+ re erie and motionin# %or me to )oin him on the small co"ch in the corner where he 'alances the 'ook on his knees, Ur#in# me to $lace m+ hand on the $a#e( sh"t m+ e+es( clear m+ head( and int"it the messa#e inside, At %irst nothin# ha$$ens( '"t that7s 'eca"se I7m %illed with resistance, Still smartin# %rom the last ener#+ slam that $racticall+ %ried m+ insides and le%t me tired and %ra#mented %or the rest o% the e enin#, B"t the second I decide to let #o and #i e in( to )"st tr"st in the $rocess and allow the '"22 to %low thro"#h me( I7m o ercome with a 'arra#e o% ener#+ that7s s"r$risin#l+( almost em'arrassin#l+ $ersonal, 0Cettin# an+thin#>8 he asks( oice low( #a2e %i1ed on me, I shr"#( t"rnin# to him when I sa+( 0It7s like9it7s like readin# someone7s diar+, =r at least that7s what I7m #ettin#9+o">8 Me nods, 0Same,8 0B"t I tho"#ht it wo"ld 'e more like9I don7t know( like a 'ook o% s$ells, Yo" know( a di%%erent one on each $a#e,8 0Yo" mean a #rimoire,8 Me smiles( dis$la+in# two ama2in# dim$les and charmin#l+ crooked %ront teeth, I %rown( "n%amiliar with the word, 0It7s like a reci$e 'ook %or s$ells( containin# er+ s$eci%ic data9dates( times( rit"al $er%ormed( res"lts o% the rit"al( that sort o% thin#, Strictl+ '"siness( nothin# '"t the %acts,8 0And this>8 I ta$ m+ nail a#ainst the $a#e, 0More like a )o"rnal( as +o" said, A hi#hl+ $ersonal acco"nt o% a witch7s $ro#ress9what she did( wh+ she did it( how she %elt( the res"lts( et cetera, 5hich is wh+ the+7re o%ten written in code( or The'an like this,8 M+ sho"lders droo$ as I screw m+ li$s to the side( wonderin# wh+ e er+ 'it o% $ro#ress I7m a'o"t to make act"all+ res"lts in two #iant ste$s 'ack, 0Yo" were lookin# %or somethin# more s$eci%ic> A lo e s$ell $erha$s>8 I $eer at him( e+es narrowed( wonderin# wh+ he )"st said that, 0Sorr+,8 Me shr"#s( e+es #ra2in# m+ %ace( lin#erin# on m+ li$s %or a %ew seconds too lon#, 0Seems like tro"'le in $aradise with the wa+ +o" and !amen are a oidin# each other these da+s,8 I close m+ e+es %or a moment( %orcin# the stin# to retreat, It7s 'een one week, =ne week witho"t !amen9his sweet tele$athic messa#es9his warm and lo in# em'race, The onl+ hint that he e en e1ists is the %resh s"$$l+ o% eli1ir I %o"nd in m+ %rid#e, An eli1ir he m"st7 e sli$$ed in while I sle$t( takin# e er+ $reca"tion to #et the )o' done 'e%ore I co"ld wake, Each $assin# ho"r so $ain%"l( so a#oni2in#( so lonel+9I7 e no idea how I7ll #et thro"#h the s"mmer witho"t him, J"de7s ener#+ shi%ts( his a"ra $"llin# 'ack )"st as a sensiti e shade o% 'l"e %lickers at the ed#es, 05ell( whate er +o" seek(8 he sa+s( 'ack to '"siness a#ain, 0Yo"7ll %ind it in here,8 Me th"m$s the $a#e with his th"m', 0Yo" )"st ha e to #i e it some time to take it all in, It7s a er+ detailed acco"nt( and the content #oes $rett+ dee$,8 05here7d +o" %ind it>8 I take in the s$ra+ o% dreadlocks hittin# )"st sh+ o% his li$s, 0And how lon# ha e +o" had it>8 I add( s"ddenl+ needin# to know, Me shr"#s( a ertin# his #a2e, 0-icked it "$ somewhere9some #"+ I once knew,8 Me shakes his head, 0It was a lon# time a#o,8 0Ba#"e m"ch>8 I smile( #i in# a sort o% hal% la"#h he %ails to ret"rn, 0Serio"sl+, Yo"7re onl+ nineteen9how lon# a#o co"ld it ha e 'een>8 I st"d+ him closel+( remem'erin# the time I asked the same 3"estion o% !amen9well 'e%ore I knew what he was, A s"dden chill $rickin# m+ skin as I take him in( the crooked teeth( the scar markin# his 'row( the tan#le o% dread*locks %allin# into those %amiliar #reen e+es9ass"rin# m+sel% he7s merel+ someone I knew %rom m+ $ast( that he7s nothin# like me, 0C"ess I7m not so 'i# on trackin# time(8 he sa+s( the la"#h that %ollows "ncommitted( %orced, 0I tr+ to li e in the moment9the now, Still( m"st7 e 'een %o"r9ma+'e %i e +ears a#o9when I %irst started #ettin# into this st"%%,8 0And did Hina %ind it> Is that wh+ +o" hide it>8 Me shakes his head( %ace %l"shin# when he sa+s( 0As em'arrassin# as it is to admit( she came across a $o$$et I7d made and com$letel+ %reaked o"t, Tho"#ht it was a oodoo doll, Misread the whole thin#,8 0-o$$et>8 M+ #a2e %i1ed on his( ha in# no idea what that is, 0A sort o% ma#ical doll,8 Me shr"#s( em'arrassed #a2e meetin# mine, 0I was a kid( what can I sa+> I was mis#"ided eno"#h to think it wo"ld con ince a certain #irl to like me,8 0And did it>8 I hold m+ 'reath( st"d+in# him care%"ll+( wonderin# wh+ those sim$le words ca"se a $in# in m+ #"t, 0Hina destro+ed it 'e%ore it co"ld work, J"st as well,8 Me shr"#s, 0T"rns o"t she was tro"'le,8 0Yo"r "s"al t+$e,8 The words r"shin# %orward 'e%ore I can sto$ them, Me looks at me( e+es #lintin#, 0=ld ha'its die hard,8 5e sit like that( e+es locked( 'reath halted( the moment #rowin#( stretchin#( "ntil I %inall+ 'reak awa+ and ret"rn to the 'ook, 0I7d lo e to hel$ +o"(8 he sa+s( oice low and dee$, 0B"t I #et the %eelin# +o"r )o"rne+7s too $ri ate %or me,8 I t"rn( a'o"t to s$eak( when he adds( 0.o worries, I #et it, B"t i% it7s s$ell castin# +o"7re a%ter( there are a %ew thin#s +o" sho"ld know,8 Mis #a2e meets mine( makin# s"re he has m+ %"ll attention 'e%ore he #oes on, 0=ne( it7s a last resort9onl+ to 'e "sed when all other a en"es are e1ha"sted, And two( s$ells are reall+ )"st reci$es %or chan#e( to #et what +o" want( or alter a certain sit"ation that needs9alterin#, B"t in order %or it to work( +o"r #oals ha e to 'e clear9+o" need to is"ali2e the o"tcome +o" want and direct all o% +o"r ener#+ toward it,8

0Hike mani%estin#(8 I sa+( wishin# I hadn7t when I see his #a2e chan#e, 0Mani%estin# takes too lon#9ma#ick7s more immediate9or at least it can 'e,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether( knowin# 'etter than to e1$lain how mani%estin# can also 'e instantaneo"s once +o" "nderstand how the "ni erse works, B"t then a#ain( +o" can7t mani%est what +o" don7t know( makin# the antidote( amon# other thin#s( strictl+ o%% limits, 0Think o% this like a #iant cook'ook,8 Me ta$s the $a#e with his nail, 0=ne with liner notes,8 Me smiles, 0B"t nothin# in here is %i1ed( +o" can alter the reci$es to s"it +o"r own needs( and choose +o"r own set o% tools accordin#l+98 0Tools>8 I look at him, 0:r+stals( her's( elements( candles( $hases o% the moon9that kind o% thin#,8 I think 'ack on the eli1irs I made( )"st 'e%ore I went 'ack in time( ha in# tho"#ht o% it more in terms o% alchem+ than ma#ick( tho"#h I #"ess in some wa+s( it7s $rett+ m"ch the same thin#, 0It also hel$s i% +o" cast +o"r s$ell in erse,8 0Hike a $oem>8 I look at him( startled, Ma+'e this isn7t #oin# to work a%ter all, I $rett+ m"ch s"ck at that kind o% thin#, 0!oesn7t ha e to 'e Geats( )"st somethin# that rh+mes and has some sort o% meanin# %or what +o" want it to do,8 I %rown( %eelin# disheartened 'e%ore I e en 'e#in, 0And( E er98 I look at him, 0I% +o"7re wantin# to cast a s$ell on a $erson( +o" mi#ht want to rethink it, Hina was ri#ht, I% +o" can7t con ince someone to see thin#s +o"r wa+( or coo$erate with +o"( '+ "sin# more m"ndane means( there7s a $rett+ #ood chance it7s not meant to 'e,8 I nod and look awa+( knowin# that ma+ 'e tr"e %or some sit"ations( '"t not mine, Mine is di%%erent,

thirt+*%i e

0I sto$$ed '+ +o"r work,8 Ma en st"dies me closel+( #a2e mo in# %rom m+ hair( to the 'lack silk cord holdin# m+ am"let( )"st 'arel+ isi'le at the 'ase o% m+ tee( 'e%ore settlin# 'ack on m+ %ace, I nod 'rie%l+ 'e%ore ret"rnin# m+ attention to Monor( watchin# as she la"#hs with Stacia and :rai# and the rest o% the A*list crew as tho"#h e er+thin# were normal9'"t it7s not, .ot %or her, She7s di$$in# into ma#ick now9a serio"s st"dent o% the cra%t( accordin# to J"de, All witho"t her rin#leader7s consent, 0Tho"#ht ma+'e we co"ld #ra' l"nch or somethin#( '"t the hot #"+ 'ehind the co"nter said +o" were '"s+,8 ?in#ers $ickin# at the %rostin# on her chai* latte c"$cake( #a2e ne er once stra+in# %rom me, Miles looks "$ %rom his $hone( 'rows mer#ed( e+es dartin# 'etween "s, 0E1c"se me> There7s a hot #"+ and no'od+ in%ormed me>8 I t"rn toward them( Ma en7s words )"st now makin# an im$act, She went to m+ work4 She knows where I work4 5hat else mi#ht she know> 0=h( he7s hot all ri#ht,8 Ma en nods( still lookin# at me, 0M"+ caliente( %or s"re, B"t a$$arentl+ E er7s determined to kee$ it a secret, !idn7t e en know he e1isted 7til I saw %or m+sel%,8 0Mow7d +o" know where I work>8 I ask( tr+in# to kee$ it cas"al( nonchalant( not let on )"st how alarmed I reall+ am, 0The twins told me,8 This )"st went %rom 'ad to e en worse, 0I ran into them at the 'each, !amen7s teachin# them to s"r%,8 I smile( '"t it7s a %ee'le one that %eels %alse on m+ %ace, 0C"ess that e1$lains wh+ +o" didn7t tell "s a'o"t +o"r new )o'9+o" didn7t want +o"r 'est %riends mo in# in on +o"r hottie coworker,8 Miles stares at me( a'andonin# his te1tin# %or somethin# %ar )"icier, 0Me7s m+ 'oss,8 I shake m+ head, 0And it7s not like it7s a secret or an+thin#( I )"st ha en7t had a chance to mention it( that7s all,8 0Yes( 'eca"se o"r l"nchtime chats are so scintillatin# +o" )"st co"ldn7t s3"ee2e it in, -lease,8 Ma en rolls her e+es, 0So not '"+in# it,8 0Um( hello> !escri$tors wo"ld 'e nice a'o"t now48 Miles leans %orward( %ace ea#er( e+es dartin# 'etween "s, B"t I )"st shr"#( watchin# as Ma en smiles and sets down her c"$cake( 'r"shin# the cr"m's %rom her 'lack denim la$ as she sa+s( 0-ict"re the tannest( most a3"a*e+ed( hot*'odied( rockin7 the #olden dreadlocks( laid*'ack s"r%er 'o+( hottie o% the entire McMottie clan that +o" can e en $ossi'l+ ima#ine9then times it '+ ten and that7s him,8 0Serio"sl+>8 Miles #a$es( starin# at me, 0Hike( %or reals>8 I si#h( tearin# m+ sandwich to shreds as Ma en sa+s( 0Tr"st me( words cannot descri'e the e1treme meas"re o% hotness, The onl+ ones who can e en come close are !amen and Roman( '"t then( the+7re $rett+ m"ch in a class '+ themsel es( so the+ don7t reall+ co"nt, Mow old is he an+wa+>8 She looks at me, 0Seems too +o"n# to 'e a 'oss,8 0.ineteen,8 I shr"#( not wantin# to talk a'o"t work( J"de( or $rett+ m"ch an+thin# else on that list, This is e1actl+ the kind o% thin# !amen warned me a'o"t, The kind o% thin# I need to a oid, 0S$eakin# o% hotties( how7s Josh>8 I smile( makin# %or a $rett+ awkward se#"e '"t ho$in# it7ll work, 5atchin# her a"ra wa er and %lare as she %oc"ses on her c"$cake and sa+s( 0It ended the second he tried to #i e me the kitten, Yo" sho"ld7 e seen him( smilin# as tho"#h it was some mirac"lo"s #i%t,8 She rolls her e+es and ri$s her c"$cake in hal%, 0I mean( serio"sl+, Mow cl"eless can +o" #et>8 0Me was )"st tr+in# to 'e nice98 Miles starts( '"t Ma en isn7t ha in# it, 0-lease,8 She scowls, 0I% he tr"l+ "nderstood what I was #oin# thro"#h( he ne er wo"ld7 e $"shed some :harm re$lacement on me, Some adora'le kitt+ that7s onl+ real destin+ is to die once I7 e #rown e1tremel+ attached to her so I can e1$erience the ma1im"m amo"nt o% $ain and s"%%erin#,8 Miles rolls his e+es as I sa+( 0It doesn7t alwa+s ha e to 'e like that98 B"t she c"ts ri#ht in, 0=h reall+> .ame one thin#9one li in# thin#9that doesn7t either die or lea e +o" or 'oth> Hast time I asked +o" that 3"estion( +o" choked, So( Miles( +o" with the rollin# e+es and smirkin# li$s( #o ahead( knock +o"rsel% o"t( name one thin# that98 Miles shakes his head( hands raised in s"rrender( hatin# all con%rontation and #ladl+ %or%eitin# the #ame 'e%ore it can start, Ma en smirks( satis%ied with o"r com'ined %ail"re when she sa+s( 0Tr"st me( all I did was 'eat him to the chase, It wo"ld7 e ended e ent"all+ an+wa+,8 05ell,8 Miles shr"#s( ret"rnin# to his te1t, 0?or what it7s worth( I liked him, I tho"#ht +o" were #ood to#ether,8 0Then +o" date him,8 Ma en smirks( tossin# a c"$cake s$rinkle his wa+, 0.o thanks, Too skinn+ and c"te,8 Me smiles, 0.ow E er7s 'oss on the other hand98 I #lance at Miles( checkin# his a"ra and seein# he7s mostl+ )okin#9mostl+, 0Mis name7s J"de,8 I si#h( resi#ned to the con ersation comin# %"ll circle a#ain, 0And as %ar as I can tell he onl+ likes #irls that don7t like him 'ack( '"t +o"7re welcome to take +o"r 'est shot,8 I close m+ l"nch $ack( 2i$$in# it sh"t with an "neaten a$$le( 'a# %"ll o% chi$s( and a shredded sandwich inside, 0Ma+'e +o" sho"ld in ite him to m+ #oin# awa+ $art+(8 Miles sa+s, 0Yo" know( so I can treat m+sel% to a nice lon# #ood*'+e,8 Me 'r"shes his hand thro"#h his cro$$ed 'rown hair and la"#hs, 0A'o"t that98 Ma en sa+s( e+es $artiall+ o'sc"red '+ the %alse e+elashes she7s 'een e1$erimentin# with, 0M+ mom )"st tore "$ the den9like literall+ tore it "$, :ar$et ri$$ed o"t( %"rnit"re cleared( walls knocked down9which( on the one hand( is nice since there7s no wa+ the+ can sell the ho"se when it7s all ri$$ed "$ like that( '"t it also means there7s no wa+ we can $art+ at m+ ho"se so I was ho$in#98 0S"re,8 I nod( met '+ two %aces so shocked I7m ashamed, Reali2in# their re#"lar isits to m+ ho"se( o"r ?rida+*ni#ht $i22a eatin#( Jac"22i*soakin# rit"al( ended the moment !amen entered m+ li%e, B"t now that he7s #one9or at least determined to sta+ awa+ %or a while9ma+'e it7s time to start "$ a#ain, 0Yo" s"re Sa'ine won7t mind>8 Miles asks( oice ho$e%"l '"t ca"tio"s, I shake m+ head, 0As lon# as +o" don7t mind M"no2 dro$$in# '+( it7s all #ood,8 I roll m+ e+es, 0M"no2> Yo" mean the histor+ teacher>8 The+ #a$e, M+ two 'est %riends lookin# as shocked and '"#*e+ed as I was when I %irst %o"nd o"t, 0The+7re datin#,8 I nod( knowin# as m"ch as I hate it( I certainl+ can7t sto$ it, Ma en $"shes her ro+al 'l"e 'an#s o%% her %ace and leans toward me, 05ait9let me #et this strai#ht( +o"r a"nt Sa'ine is datin# the hottie histor+ teacher>8 05ho7s hot %or teacher now>8 Miles la"#hs( n"d#in# her arm, B"t Ma en )"st shr"#s, 0-lease, !on7t act like +o" ha en7t noticed, I mean( as %ar as old #"+s #o( es$eciall+ ones who wear #lasses and khakis( he7s smokin7,8 0-lease don7t call him smokin7,8 I la"#h in s$ite o% m+sel%, 0And )"st so +o" know( at ni#ht he ditches the s$ecs and swa$s the !ockers %or desi#ner denim,8 Ma en smiles( risin# %rom the 'ench, 0That7s it then, -art+ at +o"r ho"se, This I7 e #ot to see,8 0Is !amen comin#>8 Miles sli$s his $hone in his $ocket( e+ein# me care%"ll+, 0Um9I don7t know9ma+'e,8 I shr"#( $ressin# m+ li$s to#ether and scratchin# m+ arm so %er entl+ I ma+ as well wear a si#n that sa+s: MEY9:ME:G

ME =UT4 I7M HYI.C4 0I mean( he7s $rett+ '"s+ these da+s lookin# a%ter the twins and all98 0Is that wh+ he7s 'lown o%% school all week>8 Ma en asks, I nod( m"m'lin# some nonsense a'o"t takin# his %inals earl+( '"t m+ heart isn7t in it( and it shows, Seein# them nod in assent( '"t onl+ to a$$ease me( their e+es and a"ras sa+ otherwise( the+7re not '"+in# a word o% it, 0J"st make s"re J"de7s there(8 Miles sa+s( the mere mention o% his name makin# m+ stomach dance, 0Yeah( I7ll need him as a 'ack"$ in case m+ date doesn7t work o"t like I ho$e,8 Ma en smiles, 0Yo" ha e a date>8 Miles and I 'oth sa+( oices 'lendin# as we take a moment to #awk, 05ho>8 I ask, J"st as Miles sa+s( 0That was %ast48 B"t Ma en )"st smiles( wa in# o er her sho"lder as she heads %or class( sin#in#( 0Yo"7ll see48

thirt+*si1

Since I ke$t m+ $romise to M"no2 '+ attendin# histor+ ;which was wa+ more awkward %or me than it was %or him<( and since I made no s"ch $romise to an+ o% m+ other teachers( I ski$ the rest o% the da+ and head %or the store, M+ tho"#hts dri%tin# to !amen as I cr"ise :oast Mi#hwa+( is"ali2in# him so clearl+ he mani%ests in the seat ri#ht 'eside me, Ca2in# at me with those dark( smolderin# e+es( li$s $arted( enticin#( as he $resses a s$ra+ o% red t"li$s onto m+ la$9ca"sin# an ache so $al$a'le( I 'anish him well 'e%ore he can %ade, Gnowin# a mani%est !amen will ne er do, .ot when the real one is o"t there9somewhere9waitin# %or three months to end, B"t I can7t wait, I re%"se to wait, The onl+ wa+ to rid m+sel% o% this hollow em$t+ %eelin# is to #et !amen 'ack, And the onl+ wa+ to do that is to crack Roman7s code, Cet m+ hands on that antidote once and %or all and then all o% m+ $ro'lems are sol ed, B"t short o% ret"rnin# to his ho"se( I7 e no cl"e where to %ind him, Hike !amen( he7s $rett+ m"ch 'lowin# o%% the last da+s o% school, I $"ll into the alle+ and claim the small s$ace in 'ack( stormin# thro"#h the door with s"ch s$eed and %orce( J"de #lances "$ in con%"sion as I head 'ehind the co"nter and reach %or the a$$ointment 'ook, 0Tr"st me( i% I7d known +o" were ditchin#( I wo"ld7 e sched"led some readin#s( '"t as it stands( I #ot nothin#,8 0I7m not ditchin#(8 I m"m'le( e en tho"#h we 'oth know I am, 0=ka+( ma+'e I am,8 I shr"#( #lancin# at him, 0B"t it7s the last week o% school so it7s reall+ no 'i##ie, Yo" won7t tell an+one( will +o">8 Me dismisses the tho"#ht with a wa e o% his hand( li%tin# his sho"lders as he sa+s( 0J"st wish I7d known, I wo"ld7 e 'ro"#ht m+ 'oard,8 0Yo" can still #et it,8 I head %or the shel es and 'e#in rearran#in# some 'ooks, 5antin# to $"t some distance 'etween "s so I can a oid the enticin# wa e o% calm his $ro1imit+ 'rin#s, 0Serio"sl+(8 I add when I see he7s not mo in#, 0I7ll kee$ an e+e on the $lace,8 Me looks at me( #a2e stead+( %oc"sed on mine, 0E er98 he starts, I look at him( sensin# where this is #oin# and ea#er to dis$el an+ %ears 'e%ore he can #et there, 0Yo" don7t ha e to $a+ me(8 I sa+( arms loaded with 'ooks, 0I7m not here %or the o ertime, In %act( I don7t e en care i% +o" $a+ me at all,8 Me narrows his #a2e %or one 'eat( then two, Tiltin# his head to the side when he sa+s( 0Yo" reall+ don7t( do +o">8 I shr"# and ret"rn all the 'ooks( takin# a moment to line them "$ $er%ectl+ 'e%ore answerin#( 0.o$e( I reall+ don7t,8 ?eelin# #ood to "n'"rden +et another ill"sion o% mine( no matter how small, 0E1actl+ what are +o" here %or>8 he asks( oice catchin# in a wa+ I can7t hel$ '"t notice, 0The 'ook>8 I t"rn( %eelin# all ner o"s and s3"irm+ as m+ #a2e settles on his, 0Is it that o' io"s>8 I li%t m+ sho"lders( %orcin# a la"#h, Relie ed when he smiles and )a's his th"m' o er his sho"lder as he sa+s( 0Co ahead( ha e %"n, I won7t tell !amen what +o"7re "$ to,8 I shoot him a look makin# it clear I7m o er the !amen )okes( "ntil I see that he7s serio"s, 0Sorr+,8 Me shr"#s, 0B"t it7s $rett+ clear he7s not into it,8 I shr"#( neither con%irmin# nor den+in#, There7s no wa+ I7m disc"ssin# !amen with him, Meadin# %or the 'ack room and settlin# in at the desk( )"st a'o"t to "nlock the drawer with m+ mind when I see that he7s %ollowed, 0=h( "m( I %or#ot that it7s locked(8 I m"m'le( %eelin# %alse and ridic"lo"s as I motion toward the drawer( knowin# I7m the worst actress e er '"t still #oin# thro"#h the motions, Me leans in the doorwa+( shootin# me a look that makes it clear he7s not '"+in# it, 0!idn7t seem to sto$ +o" the last time(8 he sa+s( oice low and dee$, 0=r e en the %irst time I %o"nd +o" in the store,8 I swallow hard( "ns"re what to sa+, Admittin# m+ a'ilities is 'reakin# !amen7s most cardinal r"le, The wei#ht o% J"de7s #a2e hea + on mine as I sa+( 0I can7t9I98 Me li%ts a 'row( knowin# I er+ well can, 0I can7t do it in %ront o% +o"(8 I %inish( knowin# it7s %oolish to kee$ "$ this r"se, 0!oes this hel$>8 Me $laces a hand o er each e+e and #rins, I #a2e at him %or a moment( ho$in# he won7t $eek thro"#h his %in#ers( then I take a dee$ 'reath and close m+ e+es too( seein# the lock s$rin# o$en( 'e%ore retrie in# the 'ook, -lacin# it on the desk as he takes a seat( head cocked to the side( %oot 'alanced on his knee when he sa+s( 0Yo" know( +o"7re $rett+ s$ecial( E er,8 I %ree2e( %in#ers ho erin# a'o e the ancient tome( heart 'eatin# o ertime, 0I mean( +o"r #i%t is s$ecial,8 Me looks at me( e+es s3"intin#( sho"lders li%tin#( the color on his cheeks dee$enin# as he adds( 0I7 e ne er met an+one with a'ilities like +o"rs, The wa+ +o" a'sor' in%ormation %rom a 'ook( a $erson9and +et98 I #a2e at him( throat ti#ht and hot( sensin# the 'e#innin#s o% somethin# I7d rather a oid, 0And +et9+o"7 e no idea o% who stands 'eside +o", Ri#ht 'eside +o"( in %act,8 I si#h( wonderin# i% this is the moment when he thr"sts a $am$hlet at me and #oes into %"ll*'lown testimon+ mode( '"t he )"st motions to m+ ri#ht( smilin# and noddin# as tho"#h someone7s ri#ht there, B"t when I t"rn to look( all I #et is 'lank s$ace, 0At %irst I tho"#ht %or s"re +o"7d arri ed in this store to teach me,8 Me smiles( readin# m+ e1$ression when he adds( 0Yo" do know there7s no s"ch thin# as coincidence9the "ni erse is %ar too $recise %or random e ents, Yo" came here %or a reason( whether +o" reali2e it or not( and98 0I was led here '+ A a(8 I sa+( "ncom%orta'le with where this is #oin# and wantin# it to sto$, 0And I ret"rned to see Hina not +o",8 B"t he )"st nods( com$letel+ "n%a2ed, 0And +et( +o" ret"rned at a time when Hina wasn7t here( makin# it $ossi'le %or +o" to %ind me,8 I shi%t in m+ seat and %oc"s on the 'ook since I can7t look at him, .ot a%ter what he )"st said, .ot a%ter m+ tri$ to Amsterdam with !amen, 0E er hear the $hrase when the st"dent is read+ the teacher a$$ears>8 I shr"#( #lancin# at him 'rie%l+ 'e%ore lookin# down a#ain, 05e meet the $eo$le we7re s"$$osed to when the time is )"st ri#ht, And e en tho"#h I7m s"re I ha e $lent+ to learn %rom +o"( I7d reall+ like to teach +o" somethin# i% +o"7ll let me9i% +o"7re o$en to learnin#,8 I can %eel his #a2e( hea + and intense( and knowin# m+ o$tions are %ew( I )"st shr"#, Seein# him nod and look to m+ ri#ht( tiltin# his head as tho"#h someone7s there, 0There7s someone who wants to sa+ hello(8 he sa+s( #a2e %i1ed on that s$ot, 0Tho"#h she warns me +o"7re ske$tical so I7ll ha e to work e1tra hard to con ince +o",8 I stare at him( neither 'linkin# nor 'reathin#, Thinkin# that i% this is a )oke9i% he7s trickin# me in some wa+9then I7ll9 0!oes the name Rile+ mean an+thin# to +o">8 I swallow hard( "na'le to s$eak, M+ mind s$eedin# 'ackward( searchin# e er+ con ersation we7 e e er had( lookin# %or the moment when I mi#ht ha e re ealed that, Me looks at me( $atient( waitin#, B"t I )"st nod( "nwillin# to o%%er an+thin# more, 0She sa+s she7s +o"r sister9+o"r +o"n#er sister,8 Ci in# me no time to re$l+ when he adds( 0=h( and she7s 'ro"#ht someone with her9or rather98 Me smiles( $"shin# his dreads o%% his %ace as tho"#h to see 'etter, 0=r rather somethin#9it7s a do#9a +ellow98

0Ha'(8 I sa+( almost in ol"ntaril+, 0That7s o"r do#98 0B"tter'all,8 Me nods, 0:"$, B"tterc"$,8 E+es narrowin#( wonderin# how he #ot that one wron# i% Rile+7s tr"l+ standin# 'eside him, B"t he )"st nods( #oin# on to sa+( 0She sa+s she can7t sta+ lon# since she7s kee$in# 3"ite '"s+ these da+s( '"t she wants +o" to know that she7s with +o"( a lot more than +o" think,8 0Reall+>8 I %old m+ arms and lean 'ack in m+ seat, 0Then wh+ doesn7t she show hersel%>8 I %rown( a'andonin# m+ ow to kee$ silent and ind"l#in# m+ %r"stration with her, 05h+ doesn7t she do somethin# to make hersel% known>8 J"de #i es a hal% smile( li$s 3"irkin# the tiniest 'it when he sa+s( 0She7s showin# me a tra+ o%98 Me $a"ses( s3"intin# as he contin"es( 0'rownies, She wants to know i% +o" en)o+ed them>8 I %ree2e( remem'erin# the 'rownies Sa'ine made a %ew weeks a#o( and how the smallest $iece was marked with m+ initial( the lar#est with Rile+7s( )"st like she "sed to do 'ack when m+ mom "sed to make them9 I look at J"de( throat so ti#ht no words can #et $ast, Str"##lin# to com$ose m+sel% as he sa+s( 0She also wants to know i% +o" en)o+ed the mo ie9the one she showed +o" in98 S"mmerland, I close m+ e+es( %i#htin# 'ack tears( wonderin# i% m+ 'la''ermo"th sister is #oin# to tell him a'o"t that( '"t he )"st shr"#s( and ends it ri#ht there, 0Tell her98 I start( oice so hoarse and scratch+ I7m %orced to clear m+ throat and start a#ain, 0Tell her +es to e er+thin#9all o% it, And tell her that9that I lo e her9and miss her9and to $lease sa+ hi to Mom and !ad9and that she reall+ needs to hel$ me %ind a wa+ so I can talk to her a#ain9'eca"se I need98 0That7s where I come in(8 he sa+s( oice 3"iet( s"'d"ed( e+es seekin# mine, 0She wants me to 'e o"r #o*'etween since she can7t s$eak directl+ to +o"9at least not o"tside o% +o"r dreams, Tho"#h she wants +o" to know she can alwa+s hear +o",8 I look at him( ske$ticism takin# o er a#ain, ="r #o*'etween> 5o"ld Rile+ reall+ want that> !oes that mean she tr"sts him> And i% so( wh+> !oes she know a'o"t o"r $ast> And what7s that a'o"t o"r dreams9last time she a$$eared in m+ dream it was more like a ni#htmare, A riddle*%illed ni#htmare that didn7t make an+ sense, I look at J"de a#ain( wonderin# i% I can tr"st him9i% he7s somehow makin# this "$> Ma+'e the twins told him9ma+'e he Coo#led the accident and9 0She7s lea in#(8 he sa+s( noddin# as he smiles and wa es #ood*'+e at m+ s"$$osedl+ in isi'le sister, 05o"ld +o" like to sa+ an+thin# 'e%ore she #oes>8 I #ri$ the sides o% m+ seat( #a2in# down at the desk as I str"##le to 'reathe, The s$ace %eelin# s"ddenl+ cram$ed( con%ined( as tho"#h the ceilin# is dro$$in# as the walls ca e in, Ma in# no idea i% I can tr"st him( i% Rile+ is here( i% an+ o% this is e en real, All I know is that I need to #et o"t o% here, Cet some air, Mis oice callin# a%ter me as I s$rin# %rom the desk and 'olt %or the door9ha in# no idea where I7m headed( '"t ho$in# it7s ast( o$en( %ar %rom him,

thirt+*se en

I r"n o"t the door and head %or the 'each( heart racin#( mind s$innin#( %or#ettin# to slow down to a more normal s$eed "ntil I7m alread+ there, Toes ti$$ed toward the water( a clo"d o% sand and 'ewildered $eo$le le%t in m+ wake, Each o% them s3"intin# and shakin# their heads( tellin# themsel es the+ ima#ined it( co"ldn7t $ossi'l+ 'e, .o one can r"n that %ast, .o one who a$$ears as normal as me, I a'andon m+ %li$*%lo$s and wade %arther in( at %irst sto$$in# to roll the hem o% m+ )eans( then decidin# not to care when a wa e comes and wets them to m+ knees, J"st wantin# to %eel somethin#9somethin# tan#i'le( $h+sical9a $ro'lem with an o' io"s %i1, Unlike the kind I7 e 'een wrestlin# with, And tho"#h I7m no stran#er to loneliness( I7 e ne er %elt 3"ite as lonel+ as this, I7 e alwa+s had someone to #o to, Sa'ine9Rile+9!amen9m+ %riends 9'"t now with m+ entire %amil+ #one( Sa'ine '"s+ with M"no2( m+ 'o+%riend on a 'reak( and %riends I can7t con%ide in9what7s the $oint> 5hat7s the $oint o% ha in# these $owers( the a'ilit+ to mani$"late ener#+ and mani%est thin#s( i% I can7t mani%est the one thin# I reall+ want> 5hat7s the $oint o% seein# #hosts when I can7t see the ones who act"all+ mean somethin# to me> 5hat7s the $oint o% li in# %ore er i% I7m %orced to li e it like this> I #o dee$er( 7til I7m "$ to mid*thi#h( ne er ha in# %elt so alone on s"ch an o ercrowded 'each( so hel$less on s"ch a 'ri#ht and s"nn+ da+, Re%"sin# to '"d#e when he comes "$ %rom 'ehind( #ras$in# m+ sho"lder and tr+in# to $"ll me awa+ %rom the wa es, En)o+in# the slam o% water as it wets m+ skin( the ceaseless $"sh and $"ll( l"rin# me in, 0Me+,8 Mis e+es narrowed a#ainst the s"n as he st"dies me closel+( re%"sin# to loosen his #ri$ 7til he7s s"re I7m oka+, 05hat do +o" sa+ we head 'ack inside>8 Boice calm( care%"l( as tho"#h I7m %ra#ile( delicate( ca$a'le o% doin# )"st a'o"t an+thin#, I swallow hard and hold m+ #ro"nd( #a2e %i1ed on the hori2on when I sa+( 0I% +o" were )okin#9i% +o" were in an+ wa+ $la+in# me98 I shake m+ head( "na'le to %inish( '"t the threat is im$lied, 0.e er,8 Me s3"ee2es ti#hter( holdin# me stead+( $"llin# me "$ and o er a small oncomin# wa e, 0Yo" read me( E er, That er+ %irst da+, Yo" know what I can do9what I can see,8 I take a dee$ 'reath( a'o"t to s$eak when he adds( 0And )"st so +o" know( she7s 'een with +o" se eral times since, .ot e er+ time( '"t most o% them, Tho"#h this is the %irst time she s$oke,8 0And wh+ is that>8 I t"rn( #a2e meetin# his, Ma in# no real reason not to 'elie e( '"t needin# to 'e as s"re as I can, 0I #"ess she wanted to '"ild a little tr"st,8 Me shr"#s, 0.ot "nlike +o",8 I look at him( #a2e into those sea #reen e+es( the tr"th laid o$en( 'ared %or me to see, Me7s not l+in#( not at all $la+in#( certainl+ not makin# it "$, Me reall+ does see Rile+( and his onl+ a#enda is to hel$, 0I think this is wh+ we %o"nd each other,8 Me nods( oice lowered to almost a whis$er, 0I wonder i% Rile+ arran#ed this>8 Rile+ or9somethin# else9somethin# #reater than "s> I stare at the ocean( wonderin# i% he reco#ni2es me like I reco#ni2e him, I% he %eels the $in# in the #"t( the $rickle o% skin( the stran#e +et %amiliar $"ll9the same thin#s I %eel> And i% so( what does it mean> !o we reall+ ha e "n%inished '"siness9 karma that m"st 'e addressed> Is there reall+ no s"ch thin# as coincidence> 0I can teach +o"(8 he sa+s( #a2e like a $romise he wants to %"l%ill, 0There7s no #"arantee9'"t I can tr+,8 I remo e m+sel% %rom his #ri$ and wade %arther in( not carin# that m+ 'ottom hal%7s soakin# while the rest o% me7s dr+, 0E er+one has the a'ilit+, J"st like e er+one7s $s+chic9or at the er+ least int"iti e, It7s )"st a matter o% how o$en one is( how willin# to let #o and learn, B"t with +o"r #i%ts9there7s no reason wh+ +o" can7t learn to see her too,8 I #lance at him( '"t onl+ 'rie%l+( somethin#7s ca"#ht m+ attention9somethin# that9 0The trick is to raise +o"r i'ration9#ettin# it to a le el where98 5e don7t see the wa e "ntil it7s alread+ crestin#( lea in# "s no time to d"ck di e or at the er+ least r"n, The onl+ thin# kee$in# me %rom a com$lete and total wi$eo"t are J"de7s incredi'l+ %ast re%le1es and the stren#th o% his arms, 0Yo" oka+>8 he asks( #a2e 'orin# into mine, B"t m+ attention7s elsewhere( drawn to that warm wonder%"l $"ll( the %amiliar lo in# essence that onl+ 'elon#s to one $erson9onl+ 'elon#s to him9 5atchin# as !amen c"ts thro"#h the water( 'oard t"cked "nder his arm( 'od+ so sc"l$ted( so 'ron2ed( Rem'randt wo"ld wee$, 5ater sl"icin# 'ehind him like a hot kni%e thro"#h '"tter( cleanl+( %l"idl+( as tho"#h $artin# the sea, M+ li$s $art( des$erate to s$eak( to call o"t his name and 'rin# him 'ack to me, B"t )"st as I7m a'o"t to( m+ e+es meet his and I see what he sees: me 9hair tan#led and wet9clothes twisted and clin#in#9%rolickin# in the ocean on a hot s"nn+ da+ with J"de7s tanned stron# arms still wra$$ed aro"nd me, I release m+sel% %rom J"de7s #ri$( '"t it7s too late, !amen7s alread+ seen me, Alread+ mo ed on, Hea in# me hollow( 'reathless( as I watch him retreat, .o t"li$s( no tele$athic messa#e( )"st a sad( em$t+ oid le%t 'ehind in his $lace,

thirt+*ei#ht

J"de %ollows me o"t o% the water and hal%wa+ down the 'each( callin# a%ter me( tr+in# to kee$ "$( %inall+ s"rrenderin# when I cross the street and head toward the store where Ma en works, I need to talk to someone( con%ide in a %riend, -"t it all o"t there and "n'"rden m+sel%( no matter the cost, Imm"ne to the wei#ht o% m+ soakin# wet )eans( the sla$ o% %a'ric( m+ clin#in#( dam$ tee9not e en thinkin# a'o"t mani%estin# somethin# dr+ to wear "ntil I #et to the door and %ind Roman there, 0Sorr+( no shoes( no shirt( no ser ice,8 Me smiles, 0Tho"#h I m"st sa+( I am en)o+in# the iew,8 I %ollow his #a2e all the wa+ down to m+ chest( co erin# it with m+ arms when I see how m+ to$ has #one $rett+ m"ch see*thr", 0I need to talk to Ma en,8 I start to $"sh $ast him onl+ to 'e 'locked once a#ain, 0E er( $lease, This is a class+ esta'lishment, Ma+'e +o" sho"ld come 'ack when +o"7re a little more9$"lled to#ether,8 I $eer o er his sho"lder( catchin# a #lim$se o% a %airl+ lar#e s$ace so o$"lent( so $acked with st"%%( it7s like the inside o% Cenie7s 'ottle, :r+stal chandeliers han#in# %rom the ra%ters( iron sconces and %ramed oil $aintin#s markin# the walls( while the %loors are co ered with color%"l( wo en( o erla$$in# r"#s as anti3"e %"rnishin#s '"tt "$ a#ainst rack a%ter rack o% inta#e clothin# and tall #lass dis$la+ cases %illed with trinkets and )ewelr+, 0J"st tell me i% she7s here,8 I #lare( $atience r"nnin# thin as he looks me o er and smirks, Tr+in# to t"ne into her ener#+ and ass"min# he7s 'lockin# me when I don7t #et er+ %ar, 0Ma+'e +es9ma+'e no, 5ho7s to sa+>8 Me reaches into his $ocket and retrie es a $ack o% ci#arettes( o%%erin# one to me, B"t I )"st roll m+ e+es and make a %ace( seein# him s3"int as he 'rin#s his li#hter to the ti$( inhalin# dee$l+ then e1halin# as he sa+s( 0?er chrissakes( E er( li e a little4 Immortalit+ is wasted on +o"48 I %rown( makin# a show o% wa in# the smoke o"t o% m+ %ace when I sa+( 05ho owns this $lace>8 Reali2in# I7 e ne er noticed it 'e%ore and wonderin# what his connection co"ld 'e, Me takes a lon# dra#( e+es narrowed( catlike( as he looks me o er %rom m+ head to m+ %eet, 0Yo" think I7m )okin# '"t I7m not, .o sel%*res$ectin# immortal wo"ld e er 'e seen lookin# like that,8 Me wa#s a %in#er at me, 0And +et9and +et9%eel %ree to kee$ the to$9)"st 'e s"re to chan#e all the rest,8 Me leers( #rinnin# at me in the most $redator+ wa+, 05ho owns this $lace>8 I re$eat( $eerin# inside a#ain( an idea 'e#innin# to %orm, This isn7t )"st an+ old inta#e store, These are Roman7s own $ersonal #oods, The st"%% he7s hoarded thro"#h the last si1 h"ndred +ears( dolin# them o"t dili#entl+( sellin# at )"st the ri#ht time9a dealer o% anti3"ities, Me s3"ints( e1halin# in a series o% smoke rin#s as he sa+s( 0A %riend owns it, It7s o% no concern o% +o"rs,8 I narrow m+ #a2e( knowin# 'etter, This is his store, Me7s Ma en7s 'oss( the one who si#ns her checks, B"t not wantin# to let on I )"st sa+( 0So +o"7 e made a %riend, Mow sad %or them,8 0=h( I7 e made $lent+,8 Me #rins( takin# another dee$ $"ll 'e%ore tossin# the '"tt and stom$in# it o"t with his shoe, 0Unlike +o"( I don7t alienate $eo$le, I don7t hoard m+ #i%ts so to s$eak, I7m a $o$"list( E er, I #i e the $eo$le what the+ want,8 0And what7s that>8 I ask( $art o% me wonderin# wh+ I7m still here( dri$$in# water onto the sidewalk( shi erin# in m+ wet )eans and see*thr" tee onl+ to en#a#e in this "seless( #o*nowhere 'anter( while the other $art7s st"ck( "na'le to mo e, Me smiles( dee$ 'l"e e+es 'orin# into mine as he sa+s( 05ell( the+ want what the+ want now( don7t the+>8 Mis dee$ #"tt"ral la"#h( almost like a #rowl( sendin# chills o er m+ skin, 0It7s not too hard to deci$her, -erha$s +o"7d like to ent"re a #"ess>8 I $eer o er his sho"lder( s"re I saw somethin# mo e, Mo$in# it7s Ma en '"t %indin# the same #irl I saw at his ho"se that ni#ht9the ni#ht I was %oolish eno"#h to sto$ '+, Mer e+es meetin# mine as she makes her wa+ aro"nd the co"nter and a$$roaches the door where we stand9all ra en 'lack hair( coal 'lack e+es( and smooth dark skin9a 'ea"t+ so e1otic it ro's me o% 'reath, 05hile it7s 'een nice chattin# with +o"( E er( I7m a%raid it7s time %or +o" to mo e alon#, .o o%%ense( darlin7( '"t +o"7re lookin# a 'it9"nkem$t, Bad %or '"siness to ha e +o" loiterin# here, Mi#ht dri e awa+ all the c"stomers( +o" "nderstand> Tho"#h i% it7s '"s chan#e +o" need98 Me %ishes aro"nd in his $ocket( comin# "$ with a hand%"l o% 3"arters arran#ed on his $alm, 0I7 e no idea how m"ch these thin#s cost9ha en7t had to ride one since98 0Since si1 h"ndred +ears a#o(8 I sa+( narrowin# m+ #a2e, 5atchin# the #irl sto$ and t"rn the second Roman wi##les his %in#ers( a si#nal %or her to 'ack awa+, A #est"re someone else mi#ht7 e missed( '"t not me, Seein# her sto$ and head into a 'ack room I can7t see, I t"rn( knowin# I7 e no '"siness here, Roman7s oice callin# o"t %rom 'ehind me as I make m+ wa+ down the street( sho"tin#( 0There were no '"ses si1 h"ndred +ears a#o4 Yo"7d know that i% +o"7d 3"it ditchin# histor+48 B"t I )"st contin"e( re%"sin# to $la+( almost to the corner when he reaches o"t and #ri$s me with his mind: Me+( E er9what do the $eo$le want> Yo" mi#ht want to $onder that one( co"ld 'e the cl"e that leads +o" to the antidote, I st"m'le( hands seekin# the wall( %i#htin# to stead+ m+sel% as the so"nd o% Roman7s oice crowds m+ head, Mis liltin# accent sin#in#: 5e7re not so di%%erent +o" and I, 5e7re er+ m"ch the same, And it won7t 'e lon# now darlin7( 7til +o"7ll #et the chance to $ro e it, 5on7t 'e lon# now( 7til +o" %inall+ $a+ the $rice, Ha"#hin# heartil+ as he releases me and sends me on m+ wa+,

thirt+*nine

The ne1t da+ I head to work as tho"#h nothin# ha$$ened( determined to #et $ast that awkward em'race on the 'each( not to mention a shared $ast that J"de not onl+ has no recollection o%( '"t that ne er came to %r"ition %or a reason, A reason named !amen, B"t e en tho"#h I r"shed( Miles and Ma en still mana#ed to 'eat me( as the+ 'oth lean on the co"nter( %lirtin# with J"de, 05hat7re +o" doin#>8 I ask( str"##lin# to kee$ the $anic to a minim"m while #lancin# 'etween the three o% them9a tri"m$hant Ma en( a #leamin#* e+ed Miles( and a more than a little am"sed J"de, 0S$illin# +o"r secrets( e1a##eratin# +o"r %laws( oh( and in itin# J"de here to m+ #oin# awa+ $art+9+o" know( in case +o" %or#et to,8 Miles la"#hs, I #lance at J"de( cheeks %lamin#( "ns"re what to sa+, Still #a2in# at him when Ma en adds( 0And as l"ck wo"ld ha e it( he7s %ree that da+48 I make m+ wa+ aro"nd the co"nter as tho"#h that7s $er%ectl+ %ine( as tho"#h I co"ldn7t care less that the #"+ I7 e a$$arentl+ s$ent the $ast se eral cent"ries hookin# "$ with9the same #"+ m+ so"l mate is con inced I ha e "n%inished '"siness with9will 'e $art+in# in m+ li in# room in )"st a %ew da+s, Ma en $icks "$ the %l+er ad ertisin# J"de7s -s+chic !e elo$ment class and wa es it in %ront o% m+ %ace, 0And how come +o" ne er mentioned this>8 She %rowns, 0This kind o% thin# is ri#ht "$ m+ alle+, Yo" know how I7m totall+ into this st"%%,8 She t"rns to smile at J"de, 0Sorr+( '"t I reall+ didn7t,8 I shr"#( dro$$in# m+ 'a# "nder the co"nter and #ra''in# the stool ne1t to J"de, Re%"sin# to #o alon# with somethin# that7s not e en remotel+ tr"e( and wonderin# )"st how soon I can con ince them to lea e, 05ell( I am, Ma e 'een %or a while now,8 She li%ts her 'row( lookin# at me in a wa+ that dares me to re%"te it( '"t I re%"se to 'ite, 0H"ckil+( J"de said he7d tr+ to s3"ee2e me in(8 she adds with a smirk, I shoot him a look( a 3"ick( hard( %leetin# look( watchin# as his sho"lders $"ll in e er so sli#htl+ as he shr"#s and heads %or the 'ack room, Ret"rnin# a moment later with his 'oard hitched "nder his arm( wa in# at the three o% "s as he heads o"t the door, 0I can7t 'elie e +o" ke$t him a secret48 Miles sa+s( the second J"de7s #one, 0That7s the worst kind o% sel%ish4 Es$eciall+ when +o" alread+ ha e a hottie o% +o"r own48 0I can7t 'elie e +o" ke$t this a secret(8 Ma en sa+s( still #ri$$in# the %l+er, 0Yo"7re l"ck+ he7s lettin# me in48 0I7m l"ck+>8 I shake m+ head, The last thin# I need is Ma en de elo$in# an+ hidden $s+chic a'ilities when she int"its too m"ch alread+9or at least where !amen and I are concerned, 0Besides( class alread+ started( which is wh+ he said he7d tr+ to %it +o" in,8 Gnowin# I7ll do whate er it takes to t"rn that tr+ into a can7t, 0And what a'o"t work> 5on7t it inter%ere>8 She shakes her head( e+es narrowed( m+ o$$osition makin# her more determined than e er, 0.ah( the+7re #ood with m+ sched"le9won7t 'e a $ro'lem,8 0The+>8 I #lance at her 'rie%l+( 'e%ore reachin# %or the a$$ointment 'ook( th"m'in# thro"#h it in an attem$t to a$$ear 'lasX( "ncommitted( when the tr"th is( I7 e #one hi#h alert, 0The $owers that 'e,8 She la"#hs( lookin# at me, 0M+ 'osses( whate er,8 0Is Roman one o% +o"r 'osses>8 I #lance at her 'rie%l+ 'e%ore t"rnin# the $a#e, 0Um( hello> Me7s in hi#h school( remem'er>8 She shakes her head and #lances at Miles( the two o% them e1chan#in# a look I $re%er not to read, 0I sto$$ed '+ +esterda+,8 I st"d+ her closel+( $eerin# at her a"ra( her ener#+( sto$$in# )"st sh+ o% $eekin# into her head, 0Roman said +o" weren7t there,8 0I know( he told me, C"ess we )"st missed each other,8 She shr"#s, 0B"t e en tho"#h +o" think we7 e chan#ed the s"')ect( we ha en7t, So tell me( what7s "$ with +o" and this class>8 She sta's the %l+er with her $"r$le*$ainted nail( #a2e narrowed on mine, 05h+ don7t +o" want me to take it> Is it 'eca"se +o" like J"de>8 0.o48 I #lance 'etween them( knowin# it was too 3"ick( too %orce%"l( and onl+ raised their s"s$icions, 0I7m still with !amen(8 I add( e en tho"#h it7s not reall+ tr"e, B"t how can I admit it to them when I can7t e en admit it to m+sel%> 0J"st 'eca"se he7s ne er at school doesn7t mean98 I sto$ and shake m+ head( knowin# it7s 'etter to end it ri#ht here, 0B"t )"st so +o" know( Monor7s enrolled( and I $rett+ m"ch %i#"red +o" wo"ldn7t want to 'e in the same class as her,8 M+ #a2e %i1es on hers( ho$in# that7ll stick, 0Serio"sl+>8 She and Miles 'oth #a$e( %o"r 'rown e+es takin# me in, 05hat a'o"t Stacia> And :rai#>8 Ma en asks( read+ to %or#et all a'o"t it i% the entire Mean Team is in, And e en tho"#h I7m tem$ted to lie( I shake m+ head and sa+( 0.o( )"st her, 5eird( h"h>8 Ma en7s a"ra %lickers and %lares( wei#hin# the $ros and cons o% de elo$in# her $s+chic skills alon#side a '"ll+ like Monor, Hookin# aro"nd the store as she sa+s( 0So what e1actl+ do +o" do here> !o +o" #i e readin#s and st"%%>8 0Me> .o48 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether and reach %or the 'o1 o% recei$ts( %li$$in# thro"#h them %or no other reason than to a oid her $iercin# #a2e, 0So who7s this A alon chick> She an+ #ood>8 I %ree2e( e+es dartin# 'etween them( "na'le to s$eak, 0Um( hello> Earth to E er4 The si#n( ri#ht 'ehind +o"( the one that sa+s: B==G Y=UR REA!I.C 5ITM ABAH=. T=!AY4 8 She shakes her head, =nl+ hal% )okin# when she sa+s( 0Jee2( +o" reall+ do )"st slide '+ on +o"r #ood looks( don7t +o">8 0Si#n me "$48 Miles sa+s, 0I7d lo e a readin# with A alon, Ma+'e she can tell me where all the hotties han# o"t in ?lorence,8 Me la"#hs, 0Si#n me "$ too,8 Ma en nods, 0I7 e alwa+s wanted a readin#( and I co"ld reall+ "se one a'o"t now, Is she here>8 She #lances aro"nd, I swallow hard, I sho"ld7 e known it wo"ld come to this, !amen warned me o% this er+ thin#, 0Um( hello>8 Ma en wa es( e1chan#in# a look with Miles, 05e7d like to 'ook a readin#( $lease, I mean( +o" do work here( ri#ht>8 I reach "nder the co"nter( #ras$in# the 'ook( %li$$in# thro"#h it so 3"ickl+ the dates and names are a 'l"r o% 'lack letters on white, Slammin# it sh"t and stashin# it awa+ a#ain when I sa+( 0She7s 'ooked,8 0=9ka+,8 Ma en narrows her #a2e( totall+ onto me now, 0Then how a'o"t tomorrow>8 I shake m+ head, 0The ne1t da+,8 0Still 'ooked,8 0.e1t week,8 0Sorr+,8 0.e1t +ear,8 I shr"#, 05hat7s +o"r deal>8 She s3"ints, I $a"se( seein# how the+7re 'oth starin# at me( con inced I7m either holdin# somethin# 'ack( ha e com$letel+ lost it( or 'oth, Gnowin# I need to do what I can to dis$el that when I sa+( 0I )"st don7t think +o" sho"ld waste +o"r mone+, She7s not all that #reat, 5e7 e had some com$laints,8 Miles shakes his head( lookin# at me when he sa+s( 05a+ to close a deal( E er,8

B"t Ma en7s "nmo ed( #a2e %i1ed on mine( head noddin# slowl+ as she adds( 05ell( I7m s"re this isn7t the onl+ $lace where I can #et a readin#, And %or some reason( %or some stran#e( "nknown reason( now I7m more determined than e er,8 Slin#in# her 'a# o er her sho"lder and #ra''in# Miles7s hand( $"llin# him alon#side her as she heads %or the door and sa+s( 0I don7t know what7s #oin# on with +o"( '"t +o"7 e 'een actin# reall+ stran#e, Stran#er than "s"al,8 Clancin# o er her sho"lder and shootin# me a loaded look I $re%er not to inter$ret, 0Serio"sl+( E er( i% +o"7re into J"de( then )"st sa+ so, Tho"#h +o" mi#ht want to tell !amen %irst9he deser es the co"rtes+( don7t +o" think>8 0I7m not into J"de,8 I shr"#( tr+in# to a$$ear calm( e en( '"t %ailin# misera'l+, Besides it7s not like it matters( the+7re alread+ con inced, E er+one7s con inced, E er+one '"t me, 0And tr"st me( there7s nothin# #oin# on e1ce$t %inals( $lannin# %or Miles7s $art+( and all9the "s"al9st"%%98 M+ oice trailin# o%%( knowin# not one o% "s is '"+in# it, 0Then where7s !amen> Mow come he ne er comes aro"nd an+more>8 Ma en asks( as Miles stands 'eside her and nods, Allowin# me a %ew seconds to answer 'e%ore addin#( 0Yo" know( %riendshi$s are s"$$osed to work 'oth wa+s, Ci e and take, Based on tr"st, B"t %or whate er reason( +o" think +o" need to act $er%ect all the time, Hike nothin# e er #oes wron# in +o"r $er%ect( $rett+ li%e, Hike nothin# e er 'others +o" or dra#s +o" down, And I7m here to tell +o" that 'elie e it or not( Miles and I will still lo e +o" e en i% +o" ha e an im$er%ect moment, Meck( e en i% +o" ha e an im$er%ect da+( we7ll still sit with +o" at l"nch and te1t +o" in class, Beca"se( tr"st "s( E er( it7s not like we7re '"+in# +o"r $er%ect act an+wa+,8 I take a dee$ 'reath and nod, It7s all I can do, M+ throat is so hot and ti#ht there7s no wa+ I can s$eak, Gnowin# the+7re waitin#( 'oth o% them( standin# '+ the door( willin# to sta+ i% I7ll )"st sa+ the word( %ind the co"ra#e to o$en "$ and tr"st them eno"#h to "n'"rden m+sel% %or a chan#e, B"t I can7t, 5ho knows how the+7d react( and I ha e eno"#h to deal with alread+, So I )"st smile and wa e and $romise to catch "$ with them later, Tr+in# not to wince as the+ roll their e+es and lea e,

%ort+

I7m in the 'ack room( h"nched o er the 'ook when J"de comes in( s"r$rised to %ind I7m still here, 0I saw +o"r car $arked o"t 'ack and wanted to make s"re +o"7re oka+,8 Me $a"ses in the doorwa+( e+es narrowed( takin# me in( 'e%ore dro$$in# onto the chair )"st o$$osite the desk where he st"dies me some more, I #a2e "$ %rom the 'ook( e+es 'lear+ as I #lance at the clock( s"r$rised to see how late it7s #otten( s"r$rised to see I7 e 'een here so lon#, 0I #"ess I #ot a little ca"#ht "$,8 I shr"#, 0It7s a lot to slo# thro"#h,8 :losin# the co er and $"shin# it aside as I add( 0And most o% it "seless,8 0Yo" don7t ha e to $"ll an all*ni#hter( +o" know, Yo" can take it home i% +o" want,8 I think a'o"t home( and the messa#e Sa'ine le%t %or me earlier( in%ormin# me o% her $lans to cook dinner %or M"no2( makin# home $rett+ m"ch the last $lace I want to 'e at this $oint, 0.o thanks,8 I shake m+ head, 0I7m done,8 Reali2in# I mean it in e er+ $ossi'le wa+, ?or a 'ook that once held s"ch $romise( all I7 e read so %ar are location s$ells( lo e s$ells( and a d"'io"s c"re %or warts with inconcl"si e res"lts9 nothin# a'o"t re ersin# the e%%ects o% a tainted eli1ir9or how to #et a certain someone to di "l#e the onl+ thin# I reall+ need to know, .othin# that holds the sli#htest 'it o% $romise %or me, 0:an I hel$>8 he asks( readin# the de%eat in m+ #a2e, I start to shake m+ head( knowin# he can7t, B"t then I think 'etter, Ma+'e he can> 0Is she here>8 I stare at him( holdin# m+ 'reath, 0Rile+9is she aro"nd>8 Me looks to m+ ri#ht( then shakes his head, 0Sorr+,8 Me shr"#s, 0Ma en7t seen her since98 B"t e en tho"#h his oice %ades( we 'oth know how it ends, Me hasn7t seen her since +esterda+( )"st 'e%ore !amen ca"#ht "s em'racin# on the 'each 9a moment I $re%er to %or#et, 0So how e1actl+ do +o" teach someone to9+o" know9see s$irits>8 Me looks at me %or a moment( r"''in# his chin as his e+es st"d+ mine, 0I can7t necessaril+ teach someone to see them,8 Me leans 'ack in his seat( $ro$$in# his 'are %oot on his knee, 0E er+'od+7s di%%erent9with di%%erent #i%ts and a'ilities, Some are nat"rall+ clair o+ant9a'le to see( or claira"dient9 a'le to hear( or clairsentient98 0A'le to sense,8 I nod( alread+ knowin# where this is #oin# and ea#er to #et to the #ood st"%%9the )"ice9the $art that hel$s me, 0So what are +o" then>8 0All three, =h( and clairscent too,8 Me smiles( a 3"ick eas+ #rin that $racticall+ li#hts "$ the room and makes m+ stomach #o all weird a#ain, 0Yo" $ro'a'l+ are too, All o% those I mean, The trick is to #et +o"r i'ration raised hi#h eno"#h( then I7m s"re98 Me looks at me( knowin# he lost me at i'ration and addin#( 0E er+thin# is ener#+( +o" know that( ri#ht>8 The words 'rin#in# me 'ack to that ni#ht on the 'each )"st a %ew weeks 'e%ore( when !amen said the er+ same thin#( a'o"t ener#+( i'rations( all o% it, Remem'erin# how I %elt then( so a%raid o% con%idin# what I7d done, .aZ e eno"#h to think that was the worst o% m+ $ro'lems( that it co"ldn7t #et an+ worse, I #a2e at J"de( his mo"th still mo in# as he #oes on and on( e1$lainin# ener#+( i'ration( and the a'ilit+ o% the so"l to li e on, B"t all I can think a'o"t is the three o% "s( !amen( me( and him9wonderin# how we tr"l+ do %it, 05hat do +o" think o% $ast li es>8 I ask( c"ttin# him o%%, 0Yo" know( reincarnation, !o +o" 'elie e in that st"%%> !o +o" think $eo$le reall+ ha e le%to er karma the+ need to work o"t( a#ain and a#ain "ntil the+ #et it )"st ri#ht>8 Moldin# m+ 'reath( wonderin# how he7ll res$ond( i% he has an+ recollection o% "s( who we once were, 05h+ not>8 Me shr"#s, 0Garma7s $rett+ m"ch kin#, Besides( wasn7t it Eleanor Roose elt who said she didn7t think it wo"ld 'e an+ more "n"s"al %or her to show "$ in another li%e( than the one she was in now> Yo" think I7m #onna 3"ash old Eleanor>8 Me la"#hs, I sit 'ack( st"d+in# him( wishin# he knew a'o"t o"r tan#led $ast, I% %or no other reason than to #et it all o"t in the o$en( $"t it ri#ht there on the ta'le( so I co"ld re$ort 'ack to !amen and $ro e that it7s o er, And %i#"rin# ma+'e it7s m+ )o' to #et the 'all rollin#( I take a dee$ 'reath and sa+( 0Ma e +o" e er heard o% someone named Bastiaan de Gool>8 Me looks at me( s3"intin#, 0Me was9!"tch9an artist9he $ainted9and9st"%%98 I shake m+ head and look awa+( %eelin# %oolish %or 'rin#in# it "$, I mean( what e1actl+ am I s"$$osed to %ollow that with> 5ell( )"st so +o" know( Bastiaan was +o"( se eral h"ndred +ears a#o9and the $erson +o" $ainted was me4 Seein# him sit there 'e%ore me( li$s 3"irked( sho"lders li%ted( clearl+ "naware o% what I7m #ettin# at, And short o% escortin# him to S"mmerland and re* creatin# the #aller+( neither o% which I7m #oin# to do( there7s no wa+ to contin"e, I7ll )"st ha e to sit this one o"t, 5ait "ntil m+ three lonel+ months are "$, I shake m+ head( determined to $"t it 'ehind me and #et down to the '"siness at hand, Hookin# at him and clearin# m+ throat when I sa+( 0So( how e1actl+ does one raise their i'ration>8

B+ the time we7re done( I7m no closer to talkin# to dead $eo$le than I was 'e%ore I started, At least not the dead $erson I7m act"all+ interested in, Tho"#h $lent+ o% other disincarnates made themsel es known( '"t I $rett+ m"ch 'locked them all o"t, 0It takes $ractice,8 Me locks the %ront door and leads me to m+ car, 0I sat in a weekl+ s$irit circle %or +ears 'e%ore m+ $owers %"ll+ ret"rned,8 0I tho"#ht +o" were 'orn with it>8 I s3"int, 0I was,8 Me nods, 0B"t a%ter 'lockin# it o"t %or so lon#( I had to reall+ work to de elo$ it a#ain,8 I si#h( "na'le to see m+sel% )oinin# a sXance #ro"$ and wishin# there was an easier wa+, 0She isits +o" in +o"r dreams( +o" know,8 I roll m+ e+es( remem'erin# that one cra2+ dream( and knowin# no wa+ was that her, B"t he )"st looks at me( noddin# when he sa+s, 0=% co"rse she does, The+ alwa+s do, It7s the easiest wa+ to #et thro"#h,8 I look at him( leanin# a#ainst m+ car door( ke+ in hand as m+ e+es tra el his %ace, Gnowin# I sho"ld #o( sa+ #ood ni#ht and 'e on m+ wa+( '"t %or some reason I7m "na'le to mo e, 0The s"'conscio"s mind takes o er at ni#ht( %reein# "s o% all the "s"al restrictions we $"t on o"rsel es( all the thin#s we 'lock o"t( tellin# o"rsel es it can7t ha$$en( that m+stical thin#s aren7t reall+ $ossi'le( when the tr"th is( the "ni erse is ma#ical( and m+sterio"s( and m"ch #rander than it seems( with onl+ the thinnest eil o% ener#+ se$aratin# "s %rom them, I know it7s con%"sin# with the wa+ the+ comm"nicate in s+m'ols9and to 'e honest( I7m not s"re how m"ch o% that is "s9the wa+ we arran#e in%ormation9or them( and the restrictions on )"st how m"ch the+7re allowed to share,8 I take a dee$ 'reath( m+ whole 'od+ shi erin# tho"#h I7m not reall+ cold, S$ooked is more like it, S$ooked '+ his words( his $resence( the wa+ he7s makin# me %eel, B"t not cold, In %act( not at all, 5onderin# what Rile+ co"ld7 e meant with the #lass $rison( the wa+ I co"ld see !amen( '"t he co"ldn7t see me, Tr+in# to iew it as tho"#h it7s an assi#nment %or En#lish( like s+m'olism in a 'ook, 5onderin# i% it means that !amen7s mis#"ided( can7t see what7s in %ront o% him> And i% so( what does

that mean> 0J"st 'eca"se +o" can7t see somethin# doesn7t mean it doesn7t e1ist(8 he sa+s( his oice the onl+ so"nd in this still and 3"iet ni#ht, I nod( %eelin# like I sho"ld know that 'etter than an+one as J"de stands 'e%ore me( #oin# on and on a'o"t dimensions( the a%terli%e( and how time7s )"st a made*"$ conce$t that doesn7t reall+ e1ist( and I can7t hel$ '"t wonder what he7d do i% I #a e him a treat, J"st #ra''ed his hand( closed m+ e+es( and took him to S"mmerland to show him )"st how dee$ it reall+ #oes9 Me catches me( catches me lookin#, M+ #a2e roamin# his smooth dark skin( #olden dreadlocks( the scar s$licin# his 'row( "ntil %inall+ meetin# those sea #reen e+es( so dee$( so knowin#( I 3"ickl+ look awa+, 0E er98 he #roans( oice low( thick( as he reaches %or me, 0E er9I98 B"t I )"st shake m+ head and t"rn awa+( clim'in# into m+ car and 'ackin# o"t o% the s$ace, Clancin# into m+ rear iew mirror to %ind him still standin# there( still lookin# a%ter me( his lon#in# dis$la+ed in his #a2e, Shakin# m+ head and %oc"sin# 'ack on the road( tellin# m+sel% that $artic"lar $ast( the thin#s I once %elt( ha e nothin# to do with m+ %"t"re,

%ort+*one

=ri#inall+ the $art+ was s"$$osed to 'e Sat"rda+( '"t with Miles lea in# earl+ ne1t week( and with so m"ch to do 'etween now and then( we mo ed it to Th"rsda+( the last da+ o% school, And e en tho"#h I know 'etter( e en tho"#h I7m %"ll+ aware that !amen is a man o% his word( I7m still disa$$ointed when I walk into En#lish and %ind he7s not there, I #lance at Stacia( her e+es narrowin#( li$s smirkin#( e1tendin# her %oot as I tr+ to mo e $ast( as Monor sits 'eside her( $la+in# alon# des$ite the %act that she can 'arel+ meet m+ e+es9not with the secret we share, And as I take m+ seat and #a2e aro"nd the room( one thin# is clear9e er+one has a $artner( a %riend( someone to talk to9e er+one '"t me, Ma in# s$ent the 'etter $art o% the +ear 'e%riendin# someone who re%"ses to show( his seat 'eside mine( woe%"ll+ em$t+, Hike a 'i# 'lock o% ice where the s"n "sed to 'e, So as Mr, Ro'ins +ammers on and on a'o"t st"%% no one reall+ cares a'o"t( incl"din# him( I distract m+sel% '+ lowerin# m+ shield and aimin# m+ 3"ant"m remote at all o% m+ classmates( %illin# the room with a caco$hon+ o% color and so"nd( remem'erin# how m+ li%e "sed to 'e9m+ li%e 'e%ore !amen when I was constantl+ o erwhelmed, T"nin# in to Mr, Ro'ins who7s lookin# %orward to the moment the %inal 'ell rin#s so he can en)o+ a nice lon# s"mmer %ree o% "s( then :rai# who7s $lannin# to 'reak "$ with Monor '+ the end o% the da+ so he can make the most o% the ne1t three months, And o er to Stacia who still has no memor+ o% her 'rie% time with !amen( tho"#h she7s de%initel+ still into him, Ma in# recentl+ disco ered where he s"r%s( she7s $lannin# to s$end the s"mmer in a re ol in# collection o% 'ikinis( determined to start senior +ear on his arm, And e en tho"#h it '"#s me to see that( I %orce m+sel% to shr"# it o%% and mo e on to Monor( s"r$rised to see her a#enda7s %"ll9ha in# nothin# to do with Stacia or :rai#9and e er+thin# to do with her #rowin# interest in the cra%t, I narrow m+ %oc"s( t"nin# e er+one o"t in order to 'etter see her( c"rio"s to know what7s dri in# this s"dden interest in ma#ick( ass"min# it7s some harmless cr"sh on J"de( and s"r$rised to see it7s nothin# like that, She7s tired o% 'ein# the shadow cast '+ the s$otli#ht( the B that %ollows the A, Tired o% li%e on the second r"n#( and is $lannin# the da+ when the ta'les are t"rned, She #lances o er her sho"lder and looks ri#ht at me( e+es narrowin# as tho"#h she knows what I see and dares me to sto$ her, Still holdin# the look when Stacia n"d#es her arm( looks at me( and mo"ths the word %reak, I roll m+ e+es( startin# to t"rn awa+ when she swin#s her hair o er her sho"lder and leans toward me( lookin# me o er when she sa+s( 0So( what ha$$ened to !amen> !id +o"r s$ell sto$ workin#> !id he %ind o"t +o"7re a witch>8 I shake m+ head and lean 'ack in m+ seat( le#s crossed( hands %olded on m+ desk( $ro)ectin# a $ict"re o% a'sol"te calm as I shoot her a look so lon# and dee$ she can7t hel$ '"t s3"irm, :on inced I7m the onl+ witch in the room( ha in# no idea that her minion has her own ma#ick co"$ $lanned, ?lickin# m+ #a2e 'ack toward Monor( sensin# her de%iance( a newl+ s"mmoned stren#th she ne er e1hi'ited 'e%ore( o"r #a2e holdin#( stretchin#( "ntil I %inall+ look awa+, Tellin# m+sel% it7s none o% m+ '"siness9I7 e no ri#ht to inter%ere in their %riendshi$9no ri#ht to intr"de, Sh"ttin# o"t all the color and so"nd as I #lance down at m+ desk( doodlin# a %ield o% red t"li$s onto m+ note'ook( ha in# seen more than eno"#h %or one da+,

5hen I #et to histor+ Roman is there( loiterin# )"st o"tside the door as he talks with some #"+ I7 e ne er seen 'e%ore, The two o% them sto$$in# the moment I a$$roach( t"rnin# toward me to #et a #ood look, I reach %or the door )"st as Roman 'locks it( smilin# when m+ hand accidentall+ skims his hi$( and la"#hin# e en harder when I crin#e and $"ll awa+, Mis dee$ 'l"e e+es meetin# mine when he sa+s( 0Ma e +o" two met>8 Me nods toward his %riend, I roll m+ e+es( wantin# onl+ to #et to class and #et it o er with( $"t this whole misera'le )"nior +ear 'ehind me and %"ll+ $re$ared to knock him o"t o% m+ wa+ i% I ha e to, Mis ton#"e cl"ckin# inside his cheek when he sa+s( 0So "n*%riendl+, Serio"sl+( E er( +o"r manners are lackin#, B"t %ar 'e it %rom me to %orce it, Some other da+ $erha$s,8 Me nods at his %riend( $rom$tin# him to lea e( and I7m )"st a'o"t to 'ar#e into class when I #lim$se somethin# on the $eri$her+9the lack o% an a"ra9 the $h+sical $er%ection9and I7m s"re i% I looked hard eno"#h I7d %ind an ="ro'oros tattoo to con%irm it, 05hat are +o" "$ to>8 I sa+( m+ #a2e switchin# to Roman, 5onderin# i% his %riend is one o% the lon#*lost or$hans( or some "n%ort"nate so"l he7s more recentl+ t"rned, Seein# the smile that widens his cheeks when he sa+s( 0It7s all $art o% the riddle( E er, The one +o"7ll 'e called "$on to sol e er+ soon, B"t %or now( wh+ don7t +o" )"st head inside and 'r"sh "$ on +o"r histor+, Tr"st me,8 Me la"#hs( o$enin# the door and wa in# me in, 0There7s no need to h"rr+, Yo"r time will come soon,8

%ort+*two

E en tho"#h I told Sa'ine she co"ld in ite M"no2 to the $art+( she7s smart eno"#h to reco#ni2e a hal%hearted o%%er when she hears it9so l"ckil+ %or "s( the+ made other $lans, I read+ the ho"se with all thin#s Italian9$latters o% s$a#hetti( $i22a( cannelloni9'alloons that are red( white( and #reen9and a $ro%"sion o% $aintin#s 9mani%ested re$licas o% -rima era and Birth o% Ben"s '+ Botticelli( Titian7s Ben"s o% Ur'ino( Michelan#elo7s !oni Tondo( as well as a li%e*si2ed stat"e o% !a id o"t '+ the $ool, All the while remem'erin# the time Rile+ and I decorated the ho"se %or that %ate%"l Malloween $art+9the ni#ht I kissed !amen9 the ni#ht I met A a and !rina9the ni#ht that chan#ed e er+thin#, -a"sin# to #lance aro"nd and take it all in 'e%ore headin# %or the co"ch and ass"min# the lot"s $osition, :losin# m+ e+es and concentratin# on raisin# m+ i'ration )"st like J"de ta"#ht me( missin# Rile+ so m"ch I7 e committed to m+ own sXance circle( determined to $ractice a little each da+ "ntil she a$$ears, E"ietin# m+ mind o% all the "s"al chatter and noise( kee$in# m+sel% o$en( alert to all that s"rro"nds me, Mo$in# %or some sort o% shi%t( an "ne1$lained chill( a whis$er o% so"nd( some sort o% si#nal to $ro e that she7s near9'"t #ettin# onl+ a stream o% 'oss+ #hosts who are nothin# like the sass+( twel e* +ear*old sister I seek, And I7m )"st a'o"t to call it 3"its when a trem"lo"s %orm starts to shimmer 'e%ore me9leanin# %orward( strainin# to see it9when two hi#h*$itched oices sa+( 05hat7re +o" doin#>8 The second I see them I s$rin# to m+ %eet( knowin# he 'ro"#ht them( and ho$in# I can still catch him 'e%ore he lea es, M+ %li#ht halted when Rom+ $laces her hand on m+ arm( shakin# her head when she sa+s( 05e took the sh"ttle and walked the rest o% the wa+, I7m sorr+, !amen7s not here,8 I #lance 'etween them( 'reathless( 'ere%t( str"##lin# to com$ose m+sel% when I sa+( 0=h, So( what7s "$>8 5onderin# i% the+7re here %or the $art+( i% Ma en somehow in ited them, 05e need to talk to +o",8 Rom+ and Ra+ne #lance at each other 'e%ore %oc"sin# on me, 0There7s somethin# +o" need to know,8 I swallow hard( ea#er %or them to s$ill it( tell me )"st how "nha$$+ and misera'le !amen7s 'ecome9re#rettin# his decision to se$arate9des$eratel+ wantin# me 'ack9 0It7s a'o"t Roman(8 Ra+ne sa+s( e+es hard on mine( readin# m+ e1$ression i% not m+ tho"#hts, 05e think he7s makin# others9other immortals like +o",8 0E1ce$t not reall+ like +o",8 Rom+ adds, 0Since +o"7re nice and not at all e il like him,8 Ra+ne shr"#s and looks all aro"nd( not 3"ite willin# to incl"de me in that, 0!oes !amen know>8 I #lance 'etween them( wantin# to %ill "$ the room with his name( sho"t it o er and o er a#ain, 0Yeah( '"t he won7t do an+thin#,8 She si#hs, 0Sa+s the+ ha e e er+ ri#ht to 'e here so lon# as the+ don7t $ose a threat,8 0And do the+>8 M+ e+es dart 'etween them, 0-ose a threat>8 The+ look at each other( comm"nicatin# in their own silent twin s$eak 'e%ore t"rnin# to me, 05e7re not s"re, Ra+ne7s startin# to #et some o% her %eelin# 'ack9and sometimes it seems like m+ isions mi#ht 'e ret"rnin#9'"t it7s $rett+ slow #oin#9so we were wonderin# i% we co"ld ma+'e ha e a look at the 'ook, Yo" know( the Book o% Shadows( the one +o" kee$ at the store, 5e think it mi#ht hel$,8 I look at them( e+es narrowed( s"s$icio"s( wonderin# i% the+7re tr"l+ concerned a'o"t Roman7s minions or )"st tr+in# to $la+ me a#ainst !amen to #et what the+ want, And +et( there7s no do"'t it7s tr"e, ?rom last co"nt( there were three new immortals in town( all connected to Roman, All $ossi'l+ "$ to no #ood, Tho"#h it7s also tr"e the+7 e done nothin# to $ro e that so %ar, B"t still( not wantin# them to think I7m a total $"sho er I sa+( 0And !amen7s oka+ with this>8 The three o% "s lookin# at each other( the three o% "s knowin# he7s not, The+ #lance at each other in silent comm"nion 'e%ore t"rnin# to me, Ra+ne takin# the lead when she sa+s( 0Histen( we need hel$, !amen7s wa+ is too slow( and at this rate( we7ll 'e thirt+ 'e%ore o"r $owers ret"rn( and I7m not s"re who wants that less9"s or +o">8 She shoots me a look and I shr"#( makin# no mo e to re%"te it since we 'oth know it7s tr"e, 05e need somethin# that7ll work( #i e 3"icker res"lts( and we ha e nowhere to t"rn '"t to +o" and the 'ook,8 I #lance 'etween them( then look at m+ watch( wonderin# i% I can #et to the store( #et them the 'ook( and make it 'ack in time %or the $art+( which( considerin# how %ast I mo e( and that the $art+7s still ho"rs awa+( it7s clear that I can, 0R"n( walk( whate er it takes,8 Ra+ne nods( knowin# it7s as #ood as done, 05e7ll wait %or +o" here,8

I head %or the #ara#e( at %irst thinkin# a r"n wo"ld 'e nice( i% nothin# else it makes me %eel stron# and in inci'le and not 3"ite so inade3"ate a#ainst the $ro'lems I %ace, B"t since it7s still li#ht o"t( I dri e instead, Arri in# at the store to %ind J"de lockin# "$ earl+( ke+ st"ck in the door as he sa+s( 0Aren7t +o" s"$$osed to 'e throwin# a $art+>8 Me s3"ints( #a2e mo in# o er me( takin# in m+ tee( shorts( and %li$*%lo$s, 0I %or#ot somethin#,8 I nod, 0It7ll )"st take a sec9so9#o ahead9no worries9I can lock "$,8 Me cocks his head( aware that somethin#7s "$ '"t still o$enin# the door and wa in# me in, Trailin# 'ehind( ri#ht on m+ heels( watchin# %rom the doorwa+ as I o$en the drawer and li%t the secret latch, J"st a'o"t to retrie e the 'ook when he sa+s( 0Yo"7re ne er #onna 'elie e who came in toda+,8 I #lance at him 'rie%l+( then o$en m+ 'a#( sho in# the 'ook dee$ inside when he adds( 0A a,8 I %ree2e( e+es seekin# his, 0Tell me,8 Me nods, I swallow hard( stomach like a -in#*-on# 'all( 'o"ncin# %"rio"sl+ as I %ind m+ oice a#ain, 05hat did she want>8 0Mer )o'( I #"ess,8 Me shr"#s, 0She7s 'een %reelancin#9wants somethin# more sta'le, Seemed $rett+ s"r$rised when I told her I7d hired +o" instead,8 0Yo" told her> A'o"t me>8 Me shi%ts "ncom%orta'l+( %rom one %oot to the ne1t( lookin# at me when he sa+s( 05ell( +eah, I %i#"red since +o" #"+s were %riends and all98 0And what did she do> 5hen +o" told her> 5hat e1actl+ did she sa+>8 Meart 'eatin# o ertime( e+es ne er once lea in# his, 0.othin#( reall+, Tho"#h she seemed $rett+ s"r$rised,8 0S"r$rised that I was here9or s"r$rised that +o" hired me> 5hich s"r$rised her more>8 Me )"st stands there and s3"ints( hardl+ the answer I need, 0!id she mention an+thin# a'o"t !amen9or me9or Roman9or sa+ an+thin# else> An+thin# at all> Yo" ha e to tell me e er+thin#9lea e nothin# o"t98 Me 'acks into the hall( hands raised in mock s"rrender, 0Tr"st me( that was $rett+ m"ch it, She s$lit a%ter that( so there7s nothin# to tell, .ow come on( let7s #o, Yo" don7t want to 'e late to +o"r own $art+( do +o">8

%ort+*three

E en tho"#h J"de o%%ered to %ollow me home and hel$ set thin#s "$( I didn7t want him to know I7d #otten the 'ook %or the twins, So I made "$ some 'o#"s e1c"se a'o"t needin# $lastic c"$s and asked him to sto$ '+ the store to #et some( $re%era'l+ red( white( andFor #reen( then I 'roke the s$eed limits all the wa+ home where I handed o er the #oods, 0?irst9some #ro"nd r"les(8 I sa+( holdin# onto the 'ook des$ite two sets o% hands clamorin# %or it, 0I can7t )"st #i e this to +o"( since it doesn7t 'elon# to me, And +o" can7t take it home since !amen will %reak, So the onl+ wa+ to #et aro"nd all o% that is %or +o" to st"d+ it here,8 The+ #lance at each other( o' io"sl+ not likin# it '"t all o"t o% o$tions, 0Ma e +o" read it>8 Rom+ $eers at me, I shr"#, 0I tried to int"it it( '"t I didn7t #et m"ch, It7s more like a diar+ than an+thin# else,8 Ra+ne rolls her e+es and reaches %or it a#ain( as her sister sa+s( 0Yo" need to look dee$er( read 'etween the lines,8 I #lance 'etween them( not "nderstandin#, 0Yo"7re skimmin# the s"r%ace, The 'ook7s not onl+ written in the The'an code( the words themsel es are a code,8 0It7s a code within a code(8 Ra+ne sa+s, 0-rotected '+ a s$ell, !idn7t J"de tell +o">8 I %ree2e( #lancin# 'etween them( thinkin# he most certainl+ did not, 0:ome( on( we7ll show +o"(8 Rom+ sa+s( her twin #ra''in# the 'ook as we head "$ the stairs, 05e7ll #i e +o" a lesson,8

I lea e the twins in the den( the two o% them still h"nched o er the 'ook( as I head %or m+ walk*in closet and reach %or the 'o1 stashed "$ hi#h on the shel%, Retrie in# m+ assortment o% cr+stals and candles( oils and her's( all the st"%% that7s le%t o er %rom the eli1irs I made )"st 'e%ore the 'l"e moon( and mani%estin# whate er7s le%t on the list( which t"rns o"t to 'e sandalwood incense( and an athame9a do"'le*ed#ed kni%e with a )ewel*encr"sted handle m"ch like the da##er !amen made, Cettin# it all laid o"t and or#ani2ed 'e%ore sli$$in# o"t o% m+ clothes and remo in# m+ am"let, -lacin# it on a shel% ne1t to the metallic cl"tch $"rse Sa'ine #a e me a co"$le months 'ack( knowin# the dee$ B in the dress I $lan to wear o%%ers no $lace to hide the assortment o% stones, Besides( a%ter the rit"al I7m $lannin# to do( I7ll no lon#er need it, .o lon#er need an+thin#, Thanks to Rom+ and Ra+ne I7 e 'een handed the ke+ I7 e so"#ht all alon#, And all it re3"ired was a $assword o% sorts( the three o% "s %ormin# a circle with the 'ook in the center( hands clas$ed( e+es closed( each o% "s re$eatin# a erse that went:

5ithin the world o% ma#ick9resides this er+ tome To which we are the chosen9ret"rnin# to o"r home 5ithin the realm o% m+stics9we shall now reside Allowed to #lim$se "$on this 'ook9and see what lies inside The two o% them 'eside me as I $ressed m+ $alm to its %ront( sim"ltaneo"sl+ %ri#htened and %ascinated when the 'ook o$ened in a %l"rr+ o% $a#es "ntil restin# on )"st the ri#ht one, I knelt down 'e%ore it( hardl+ 'elie in# m+ e+es, 5hat was once a series o% con ol"ted( hard*to*read code had 'ecome a sim$le reci$e statin# )"st what I need to #et the )o' done, I dro$ m+ dirt+ clothes in the ham$er and reach %or the white silk ro'e I rarel+ wear '"t that7ll 'e $er%ect %or the rit"al, :arr+in# it into the 'athroom where I %ill "$ the t"' %or a nice lon# soak( which( accordin# to the 'ook( is the %irst im$ortant ste$ in an+ rit"al, .ot onl+ %or cleansin# the 'od+ and releasin# the mind o% all distractin# ne#ati it+ and tho"#ht( '"t also allowin# time to re%lect on the s$ell7s intent( the o"tcome one wishes to see, I lower m+sel% in the water( s$rinklin# a dash o% sa#e and m"#wort and addin# a clear 3"art2 cr+stal stone to aid in m+ 3"est and center m+ ision( closin# m+ e+es as I chant:

:leanse and reclaim this 'od+ o% mine So that m+ ma#ick ma+ $ro$erl+ 'ind M+ s$irit re'orn( now read+ %or %li#ht Allowin# m+ ma#ick to take hold toni#ht All the while is"ali2in# Roman 'e%ore me( tall( tanned( and #olden*haired( dee$ 'l"e e+es #a2in# into mine as he a$olo#i2es %or the terri'le incon enience he7s ca"sed( 'e##in# %or#i eness and o%%erin# aid( willin#l+ handin# o er the antidote to the antidote( newl+ enli#htened to the error o% his wa+s, Re$la+in# the ision a#ain and a#ain "ntil m+ skin7s #one all $r"ne+ and it7s time to mo e on, Ste$$in# o"t o% the 'ath and into m+ ro'e( cleansed and $"ri%ied and read+ to $roceed as I assem'le m+ tools and li#ht the incense( $assin# the kni%e thro"#h the smoke three times( as I sa+: I call "$on Air to cast o"t an+ dark ener#ies %rom this athame Allowin# onl+ the li#ht to remain I call "$on ?ire to 'la2e awa+ all ne#ati it+ %rom this athame Allowin# onl+ the #ood to remain Re$eatin# the erse %or the rest o% the elements( callin# "$on 5ater and Earth( to cast o"t all dark and lea e onl+ li#ht( concl"din# the consecration '+ s$rinklin# salt o er the kni%e and callin# "$on the hi#hest o% ma#ical $owers to see that it7s done, :leansin# and consecratin# the room as I walk three times aro"nd it( wa in# m+ incense as I sa+: I walk this circle thrice aro"nd To consecrate and em$ower this #ro"nd E okin# the $ower and $rotection o% thee !rawin# their ma#ical $owers to me ?ormin# a ma#ick circle '+ s$rinklin# salt onto the %loor( not "nlike Ra+ne did with !amen )"st a %ew weeks 'e%ore, Takin# m+ $lace in the center and

en isionin# a cone o% $ower risin# aro"nd me as I arran#e m+ cr+stals( li#ht m+ candles( and anoint m+sel% with oil( callin# "$on the elements o% ?ire and Air to aid in m+ s$ell( then closin# m+ e+es "ntil a white silk cord and a re$lica o% Roman mani%ests ri#ht 'e%ore me, 5here +o" #o m+ s$ell will %ollow 5here +o" hide m+ s$ell will %ind 5here +o" rest m+ s$ell will lie 5ith this cord +o"r actions cease 5ith m+ 'lood +o"r knowled#e released 5ith this s$ell I 'ind thee to me Raisin# m+ athame and slicin# it across m+ $alm( tracin# the c"r e o% m+ li%eline as a r"sh o% wind swee$s thro"#h the circle and an a$$la"se o% th"nder cla$s o erhead, M+ hair whi$$in# a'o"t as I s3"int a#ainst the swirlin# #ale( m+ 'lood lettin# onto the cord "ntil it7s soaked and red, R"shin# to sec"re it aro"nd Roman7s neck( m+ #a2e %i1ed on his( willin# him to $ro ide what I seek( 'e%ore 'anishin# him as tho"#h he ne er a$$eared, I rise( 'od+ shakin#( sweatin#( elated to know that it7s o er and done, J"st a matter o% time 'e%ore the antidote to the antidote is in m+ $ossession and !amen and I )oin as one, The wind 'e#ins to slow as the sna$ crackle o% electricit+ starts to a'ate( and I7m collectin# the stones and sn"%%in# the candles when Rom+ and Ra+ne '"rst thro"#h the door( mo"ths o$en( e+es wide( as the+ stand there and #a$e, 05hat ha e +o" done>8 Ra+ne cries( #a2e dartin# %rom m+ ma#ick salt circle( to m+ collection o% tools( to m+ 'lood*co ered kni%e, I look at them( #a2e stead+ and sec"re( as I sa+( 0Rela1, It7s o er, I %i1ed it, And now it7s )"st a matter o% time 'e%ore e er+thin# is $"t ri#ht a#ain,8 A'o"t to ste$ o"t o% the circle when Rom+ sho"ts( 0Sto$48 Mand held 'e%ore her( e+es 'la2in# as her sister adds( 0!on7t mo e, -lease( )"st tr"st "s this time and do what we sa+,8 I $a"se( #lancin# 'etween them( wonderin# what co"ld $ossi'l+ 'e the 'i# deal, The s$ell worked, I can %eel its ener#+ still thr"mmin# inside me( and now it7s )"st a matter o% time "ntil Roman a$$ears9 0Yo"7 e reall+ done it this time(8 Ra+ne sa+s( shakin# her head, 0!on7t +o" know that the moon is dark> Yo"7re ne er s"$$osed to do ma#ick on the dark moon9ne er4 It7s a time %or contem$lation( meditation( '"t +o" ne er( e er( $ractice "nless +o"7re $racticin# the dark arts,8 I #lance 'etween them( wonderin# i% she7s serio"s( and i% so( what di%%erence it co"ld $ossi'l+ make, I% the s$ell worked( it worked, The rest is )"st details, Ri#ht> Mer twin chimin# in to add( 05ho did +o" call "$on to aid +o">8 I think 'ack on m+ rh+me( the one I was $rett+ $ro"d o% %or makin# "$ on the %l+( recallin# the line: E okin# the $ower and $rotection o% thee( and re$eatin# it to her, 0Creat(8 Ra+ne sa+s( closin# her e+es and shakin# her head, Rom+ standin# 'eside her( %rownin# as she adds( 0!"rin# the dark moon( the #oddess is a'sent while the 3"een o% the "nderworld takes o er, So in other words( instead o% callin# "$on the li#ht to work +o"r s$ell( +o" asked the dark $owers to aid +o",8 And to 'ind Roman to me4 I #a$e( e+es wide( dartin# 'etween the two o% them( wonderin# i% there7s a wa+ to re erse it( 3"ickl+( easil+( 'e%ore it7s too late4 0It is too late(8 the+ sa+( readin# m+ %ace, 0All +o" can do now is wait %or the ne1t moon $hase and tr+ to re erse it, I% it can 'e re ersed,8 0B"t98 The word d+in# on m+ li$s as the enormit+ o% m+ sit"ation starts to sink in, Remem'erin# !amen7s warnin# %rom 'e%ore( how sometimes when $eo$le #et in ol ed in witchcra%t the+ #et in o er their head and wind "$ takin# a m"ch darker $ath , , , I #a2e at the two o% them( "na'le to s$eak, 5atchin# Ra+ne shake her head an#ril+ as her sister looks at me and sa+s( 0All +o" can do now is cleanse +o"rsel% and +o"r tools( '"rn +o"r athame( and ho$e %or the 'est, And then( i% +o"7re l"ck+( we7ll let +o" o"t o% the circle so all the 'ad ener#+ +o"7 e con)"red can7t esca$e,8 0I% I7m l"ck+>8 I look at them( stomach sinkin#, Is she serio"s> Is it reall+ that 'ad> Ca2e dartin# 'etween them as Rom+ sa+s( 0!on7t $"sh it, Yo"7 e no idea what +o"7 e started,8

%ort+*%o"r

Miles and Molt arri e to#ether( and when the+ take one look at the decorations( Miles totall+ %li$s, 0I don7t e en ha e to #o to ?lorence now that +o"7 e 'ro"#ht ?lorence to me48 Me h"#s me to him( 3"ickl+ $"llin# awa+ when he sa+s( 0Sorr+( I %or#ot how +o" hate to 'e to"ched,8 B"t I )"st shake m+ head and h"# him a#ain( %eelin# $rett+ #ood des$ite Rom+ and Ra+ne standin# 'e%ore me like the Creat 5all o% -essimism9all raised 'rows( %olded arms( and twisted li$s9while I $er%ormed a 3"ick '"t thoro"#h #ro"ndin#F$rotection meditation( $ict"rin# stron# 'eams o% white li#ht $enetratin# m+ sk"ll and %lowin# thro"#h m+ 'od+( in an attem$t to ward o%% at least some o% the dama#e the+7re con inced that I7 e done, B"t the tr"th is( I don7t see the $oint, A%ter the initial '"rst o% em$owerment( )"st a%ter the 'indin# s$ell was com$leted( e er+thin# ret"rned to normal a#ain, The onl+ reason I e en went thro"#h with their #"ided meditation is 'eca"se the+ were actin# so %reaked( it was the onl+ wa+ to calm them down, B"t now I7m thinkin# it was all )"st a 'i# mis"nderstandin#9a com$lete o erreaction on their $art, I mean( I7m immortal( #i%ted with stren#th and $ower the+ can7t e en 'e#in to ima#ine, So while $er%ormin# a ma#ical rit"al d"rin# the dark moon ma+ $ose dan#er to them( I serio"sl+ do"'t it makes the sli#htest 'it o% di%%erence %or me, And no sooner ha e I #otten Miles and Molt their drinks when the 'ell rin#s a#ain( and a#ain( and 'e%ore I know it( m+ ho"se is %illed with $rett+ m"ch e er+ mem'er %rom the Mairs$ra+ cast and crew, 0M"h( #"ess he7s not Ma en7s date a%ter all( "nless the+7re arri in# se$aratel+>8 Miles sa+s( noddin# toward J"de as he enters the room la"#hin# that #ood*nat"red la"#h and hel$in# himsel% to some ir#in san#ria( 'e%ore takin# o%% with Molt and lea in# "s alone to#ether, 0.ice send*o%%,8 J"de nods( #a2in# aro"nd, 0Makes me want to #o somewhere too,8 I look at him( smilin# a#"el+( wonderin# i% he notices an+thin# di%%erent a'o"t me( a chan#e o% ener#+( a new sense o% em$owerment9 B"t he )"st smiles( raisin# his c"$ as he sa+s( 0-aris,8 Me takes a si$ and nods, 0I7 e alwa+s wanted to #o to -aris, Hondon and Amsterdam too,8 Me shr"#s, 0-rett+ m"ch an+ o% the #reat E"ro $e an cities wo"ld do,8 I swallow hard and tr+ not to #a$e, 5onderin# i% he somehow knows9i% it7s '"ried dee$ within his s"'conscio"s( tr+in# to s"r%ace, I mean( wh+ else wo"ld he list all the si#ni%icant $laces o% o"r $ast> Me looks at me( #reen e+es on mine( holdin# the moment so lon# I clear m+ throat and sa+( 0M"h, And here I had +o" $e##ed as the eco*ad ent"re t+$e, Yo" know( :osta Rica( Mawaii( Cala$a#os9seeker o% the $er%ect wa e and all that,8 Gnowin# that la"#h at the end did nothin# to hide m+ s"dden 'o"t o% ner o"sness( )"st a'o"t to %ollow with somethin# e3"all+ d"m' when he looks $ast m+ sho"lder and sa+s( 0Incomin#,8 I t"rn to %ind Ma en( $racticall+ dwar%ed '+ the tall( lithe( 'ea"ti%"l #irl %rom the store where she works( on one side( and Roman on the other( while the immortal %rom the hall toda+ at school walks )"st 'ehind them, Three #or#eo"s( a"raless( and $rett+ m"ch so"lless( immortal ro#"es Ma en inad ertentl+ in ited into m+ home, I swallow hard( e+es narrowed on Roman( %in#ers at m+ throat( seekin# the am"let I chose not to wear( and remindin# m+sel% that I no lon#er need it, I7m in char#e now, I s"mmoned him here, 0?i#"red +o"7d ha e $lent+ o% room and %ood,8 Ma en smiles( hair newl+ d+ed to the darkest o% 'rowns with a $latin"m streak that c"r es down the %ront( ha in# ditched her "s"al emo look %or one that7s e en ed#ier +et inta#e9like a $ost a$ocal+$tic inta#e i% there is s"ch a thin#, And all it takes is one look at the dark 'ea"t+ 'eside her( her s$ik+ hair( m"lti*$ierced lo'es( delicate lace*corseted dress $aired with 'lack leather 'oots( to know who s$awned this latest makeo er o% hers, 0I7m Misa,8 The #irl smiles( oice 'etra+in# the %aintest trace o% an accent that7s "nreco#ni2a'le to me, Mer hand reachin# %or mine as I 'race %or the chill( the %amiliar )olt o% ice water swarmin# m+ eins con%irmin# m+ s"s$icion( tho"#h %ailin# to tell me i% she7s one o% the or$hans( or more recentl+ t"rned, 0And o% co"rse +o" know Roman,8 Ma en smiles( li%tin# her hand so I can see it entwined with his, B"t I re%"se to react, Re%"se to #i e an+thin# awa+, I )"st nod and smile( as tho"#h it doesn7t 'other me at all, Beca"se it doesn7t, It7s )"st a matter o% time now 7til Roman7s handin# o er the c"re and doin# m+ 'iddin#, That7s the onl+ reason he7s here, 0=h( and this is Ra%e,8 She nods( )a''in# her %in#er toward the #lorio"s ro#"e )"st 'ehind her, Same #ro"$ o% ro#"es the twins were talkin# a'o"t( min"s Marco( the one with the Ja#"ar who doesn7t seem to 'e here, And e en tho"#h I7 e no idea what the+7re "$ to( what their a#enda co"ld $ossi'l+ 'e( i% the+7re han#in# with Roman( the twins ha e e er+ ri#ht to 'e worried, Ma en heads %or the den( ea#er to introd"ce Misa and Ra%e to her %riends( as Roman la#s 'ehind( #rinnin# at me, 0I7d almost %or#otten how #ood +o" can look when +o" $"t a little e%%ort 'ehind it,8 Me smiles( #a2e #lidin# o er m+ t"r3"oise 'l"e dress( ho erin# at the dee$ B o% the neck( the e1$anse o% 'are skin where m+ am"let sho"ld 'e, 0C"ess this m"st 'e the reason(8 he nods( motionin# toward J"de, 0Since we know it wasn7t %or me( and !amen doesn7t seem to 'e aro"nd m"ch these da+s( does he> 5hat ha$$ened( E er> Yo" %or%eit +o"r 3"est>8 I swallow hard and stead+ m+ #a2e( takin# in the to"sled hair( desi#ner 'oard shorts( leather %li$*%lo$s( and lon#*slee ed tee( nothin# a'o"t him a$$earin# the sli#htest 'it di%%erent( and +et we 'oth know it is, That #leam in his e+e( his lasci io"s #a2e( his attem$t to em'arrass me9it7s all )"st a %ront( a 'it o% 'ra ado( tr+in# to sa e %ace 'e%ore he hands o er the #oods, 0So( +o" $o"rin#>8 Me nods toward the $"nch 'owl %illed with nonalcoholic san#ria, 0=r is this a hel$*+o"rsel% sit"ation>8 E+ein# the 'owl in a wa+ that sets me on ed#e, 0I don7t think +o"7d like it,8 I shr"#( #a2e %i1ed on his when I add( 0.ot +o"r kind o% drink,8 0Cood thin# I 'ro"#ht m+ own,8 Me winks( raisin# his #lass 'ottle and sto$$in# )"st sh+ o% his li$s( tiltin# it toward J"de when he sa+s( 05anna tr+> Takes the ed#e o%%, C"arantee +o" that,8 J"de s3"ints( entranced '+ the s$arkin#( $earlescent li3"id Roman )i##les 'e%ore him, And I7m )"st a'o"t to inter ene when Rom+ and Ra+ne 'arrel down the stairs( haltin# when their e+es meet Roman7s( knowin# I7m res$onsi'le %or his 'ein# here, 05ell( i% it isn7t the :atholic school twins,8 Roman smiles( cheeks s$read wide as he takes them in, 0Ho e the new look4 Es$eciall+ +o"9+o" little $"nk #oddess,8 Me nods at Ra+ne( $rom$tin# her to t"rn awa+ as he takes in her short dress( ri$$ed stockin#s( and 'lack $atent*leather Mar+ Jane shoes, 0Co 'ack "$stairs(8 I tell them( wantin# to #et them as %ar %rom Roman as I $ossi'l+ can, 0And I7ll98 A'o"t to sa+ that I7ll 'e there in a min"te( when J"de ste$s in( n"d#in# m+ arm when he sa+s( 05h+ don7t I take them home>8 And e en tho"#h I7m not thrilled with the idea o% him #oin# to !amen7s( s"re that !amen will like it e en less( there7s reall+ nothin# else I can do, As lon# as Roman7s in m+ ho"se( I7m $rett+ m"ch st"ck here too, I %ollow them to the door( Ra+ne t"##in# m+ slee e( $"llin# me down to her le el when she sa+s( 0I don7t know what +o"7 e done( '"t somethin# er+ 'ad is 'rewin#,8 I look at her( a'o"t to re%"te it( tell her it7s nothin# like that( it7s all "nder control( '"t she )"st shakes her head and adds( 0:han#es are comin#, Bi# chan#es, And this time( +o" 'etter choose ri#ht,8

%ort+*%i e

B+ the time J"de ret"rns I7m o"t '+ the $ool( watchin# the 'lond( tanned( $h+sicall+ #lorio"s( #olden*'o+ Roman s$lashin# aro"nd and in itin# e er+one to )"m$ in and )oin him, 0.ot a %an>8 J"de sa+s( sittin# 'eside me and e+ein# me closel+, I %rown( watchin# Ma en7s a"ra li#ht "$ like the ?o"rth o% J"l+( #lowin# 'ri#hter and 'ri#hter as she clin#s to his 'ack as he di$s "nderwater( ha in# no idea that he isn7t reall+ her date like she thinks, I7m the one who 'ro"#ht him here, Me7s 'o"nd to me now, 0Is it concern %or +o"r %riend( or9somethin# else>8 I %id#et with the cr+stal horseshoe 'racelet on m+ wrist( the one !amen #a e me that da+ at the track( t"rnin# it aro"nd and aro"nd( as I narrow m+ e+es, 5onderin# what7s takin# so lon#, I% the s$ell tr"l+ worked ;and I know it did<( then wh+ don7t I ha e the antidote now> 5h+ is he dela+in#> 0So( the twins9the+ oka+>8 I ask( tearin# m+ #a2e awa+ %rom the $ool and %oc"sin# on J"de, M+ e+es meetin# his when he sa+s( 0!amen mi#ht7 e 'een ri#ht a'o"t the 'ook 'ein# too stron# %or them,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether( ho$in# !amen doesn7t know I went 'ehind his 'ack and inter%ered with his lesson $lan, 0.o worries,8 J"de nods( readin# m+ %ace, 0Yo"r secret7s sa%e, I didn7t e en mention it,8 I si#h in relie%, 0!id +o" see him9!amen>8 I ask( throat ti#htenin#( heart clenchin#( the mere mention o% his name t"rnin# m+ insides to m"sh( ima#inin# how he m"st7 e %elt to %ind his nemesis o% the $ast se eral li es( the er+ same #"+ I em'raced on the 'each( standin# on his %ront $orch( Rom+ and Ra+ne at his side, 0Me was o"t when I #ot there( and the twins were so %reaked I waited 7til he #ot 'ack, That7s some $lace he7s #ot,8 I $ress m+ li$s to#ether( wonderin# what he saw( i% the twins #a e him a to"r( i% !amen7s s$ecial room is restored, 0I think he was s"r$rised to %ind me watchin# TB in his den( '"t once I e1$lained( it went %airl+ well,8 0?airl+>8 I raise m+ 'row, Me shr"#s( lookin# at me( #a2e so direct( so o$en( it7s like a lo er7s em'race, -rom$tin# me to t"rn awa+( oice shak+( "nstead+ when I sa+( 0So how did +o" e1$lain it>8 Mis cool 'reath on m+ cheek as he leans in and whis$ers( 0I told him I %o"nd them at the sh"ttle sto$ and decided to #i e them a ride, .o harm done( ri#ht>8 I take a dee$ 'reath and %oc"s on Roman( watchin# as he hoists Ma en onto his sho"lders so she can do#%i#ht with Miles, S$lashin# and $la+in#( and( on the s"r%ace an+wa+( en#a#in# in nothin# '"t #ood clean %"n9"ntil Roman t"rns( and time seems to sto$, Mis e+es meetin# mine( #leamin#( mockin#( as tho"#h he knows what I7 e done, And 'e%ore I can 'link he7s 'ack to $la+in# a#ain( makin# me 3"estion i% I reall+ did see what I tho"#ht, 0.o, .o harm done(8 I sa+( a terri'le ache in adin# m+ #"t( wonderin# )"st what it is that I7 e started,

%ort+*si1

A%ter Miles7s third %ailed attem$t to #et me to di e in( he %inall+ #ets o"t( mo in# toward me as he sa+s( 0Me+( what #i es> I know +o" #ot +o"r 'ikini on 9I can see the stra$s48 Ha"#hin# when he $"lls me o%% the lo"n#e chair and h"#s me ti#htl+ to him( whis$erin#( 0Ma e I e er told +o" how m"ch I lo e +o"( E er> Ma e I> E er( E er>8 I shake m+ head and $"ll awa+( #lancin# at Molt )"st 'ehind him( rollin# his e+es and t"##in# on Miles7s arm( tr+in# to con ince him to lea e me alone and 3"it dri$$in# on me, B"t Miles won7t ha e it( he7s #ot somethin# to sa+ and won7t sto$ 7til it7s done, Throwin# a wet arm aro"nd m+ sho"lder as he leans all o er me and sl"rs( 0I7m shlo shlerio"s( E er, Be%ore +o" came to this school9it was )"st me and Ma en, B"t then9%rom the moment +o" shlowed "$ at o"r ta'le9it 'ecame me and Ma en and +o",8 Me looks at me( head 'o''in#( str"##lin# to %oc"s( as he #ri$s me ti#hter and %i#hts to kee$ his 'alance, 05ow9that7s reall+9dee$,8 I #lance at Molt( the two o% "s sti%lin# a la"#h as we each wra$ an arm aro"nd Miles and lead him into the kitchen %or some co%%ee, Cettin# him settled at the 'reak%ast 'ar )"st as Ma en and her three immortal %riends come in, 0Yo" #"+s lea in#>8 I s3"int( seein# the+7re 'ack in their clothes( wet towels in their hands, Ma en nods, 0Misa and Ra%e ha e to work tomorrow( and Roman and I ha e an a$$ointment,8 I look at Roman( holdin# his #a2e, Mow can he 'e lea in# when he hasn7t #i en me what I want> Masn7t e en 'e#"n to #ro el( 'e#( and ask m+ %or#i eness like I is"ali2ed> Mow can he 'e lea in# when it #oes a#ainst m+ $lan> I %ollow them to the door( heart racin# as I take in the tilt o% his chin( the #leam in his #a2e( and I know it7s not #ood, Somethin#7s #one wron#, Terri'l+ wron#, E en tho"#h I cast the s$ell e1actl+ like the 'ook said( %rom the look in his e+es( and the c"rl o% his li$s( it7s clear the #oddess and 3"een ha e 'oth %ailed me, 05here are +o" #oin#>8 I s3"int( tr+in# to $eer into his ener#+ '"t not #ettin# an+where, Ma en looks at me( 'row raised( smile on her %ace as Roman throws his arm aro"nd her sho"lder and sa+s( 0-ri ate $art+, B"t there7s room %or +o"( E er, Ma+'e +o" can sto$ '+ a little later( +o" know( when +o"7re done here,8 M+ e+es meet his( holdin# his #a2e "ntil I 'reak awa+ and %oc"s on Ma en a#ain, And e en tho"#h I $romised I wo"ldn7t do it( I $eer ri#ht thro"#h her a"ra and into her mind( ea#er to see what7s l"rkin# in there( what7s reall+ #oin# on( '"t not #ettin# er+ %ar 'e%ore I7m sto$$ed( r"n "$ a#ainst a 'rick wall someone7s $laced in m+ $ath, 0Yo" all ri#ht>8 Roman asks( s3"intin# at me( as he o$ens the door, 0Yo" look a little9$eaked,8 I take a dee$ 'reath and narrow m+ #a2e( a'o"t to sa+ somethin# more when J"de comes "$ and sa+s( 0Someone )"st h"rled on the r"#,8 And e en tho"#h m+ attention7s onl+ $"lled %or a moment( it7s still lon# eno"#h %or them to e1it, Roman #lancin# o er his sho"lder( lookin# at me when he sa+s( 0Sorr+ to 'ail on +o"( E er, Tho"#h I7m s"re we7ll meet later,8

%ort+*se en

I was e1$ectin# it to 'e Miles( '"t it t"rns o"t he7s %ine, Mel$in# to mo$ "$ the mess as he smiles and sa+s( 0And that7s what +o" call actin#, Bi a ?iren2e48 Me $"m$s his %ist in the air, 0So reall+( +o"7re %ine>8 I hand him a clean towel( %eelin# 'ad %or makin# him #o thro"#h the motions when as soon as e er+one lea es( I7ll )"st make it anish and mani%est a new one, 0Yo"7re not dr"nk>8 0.ot at all4 B"t the $oint is( +o" tho"#ht I was,8 I shr"#, 0The sl"rrin#( the loss o% 'alance9all the si#ns were $resent and acco"nted %or,8 Me rolls "$ the towel( a'o"t to hand it to me when J"de a$$ears '+ m+ side and takes it instead, 0Ha"ndr+>8 he asks( 'row raised, B"t I )"st shake m+ head and $oint toward the trash( lookin# at Miles as I ask( 0So who did it( who 'ro"#ht the 'oo2e>8 0=h( no,8 Me shakes his head and holds "$ his hands, 0I7m sorr+ to 'reak it to +o"( E er( '"t this little #et*to#ether +o" or#a ni2ed( is also what7s known as a $art+, And e en i% +o" don7t ser e it( it7ll still %ind its wa+ in, Yo"7ll #et no in%ormation %rom me,8 Me clam$s his li$s sh"t( $"llin# the ima#inar+ 2i$$er that seals them( 'e%ore addin#( 0I sa+ +o" )"st ditch this old thin#,8 Me $oints at the r"#, 0Serio"sl+( I7ll hel$ roll it "$, All we ha e to do is mo e the %"rnit"re aro"nd and Sa'ine won7t e en notice it7s #one,8 B"t I )"st shake m+ head( this omit*co ered r"# is the least o% m+ concerns now that Roman7s no lon#er $la+in# alon#, Takin# Ma en on some m+sterio"s a$$ointment I can7t seem to crack( and what was that 'it a'o"t "s meetin# "$ later> 5as that a re%erence to the 'indin# s$ell9or 9somethin# else> Miles leans in to h"# me( #atherin# me into his arms and #i in# me a reall+ ti#ht s3"ee2e when he sa+s( 0Thanks %or the $art+( E er, And e en tho"#h I don7t know what7s #oin# on 'etween +o" and !amen( I ha e one thin# to sa+ and I ho$e +o"7ll listen and take me serio"sl+, Read+>8 Me 3"irks his 'row and $"lls awa+, I shr"#, M+ mind $reocc"$ied( in some other $lace, 0Yo" deser e to 'e ha$$+,8 Me nods( #a2e intense( %oc"sed on mine, 0And i% J"de makes +o" ha$$+( then +o" sho"ldn7t %eel 'ad a'o"t that,8 Me waits( waits %or me to res$ond in some wa+( '"t when I don7t he adds( 0-art+7s $rett+ m"ch o er once someone h"rls( ri#ht> So we7re #onna 'olt, B"t we7ll #et to#ether 'e%ore ?lorence( oka+>8 I nod( watchin# as he and his %riends all head %or the door( callin#( 0Me+( Miles( did Ma en or Roman mention where the+7re #oin#>8 Miles looks at me( 'rows mer#ed when he sa+s( 0?ort"ne*teller,8 I s3"int( stomach sinkin# tho"#h I7 e no idea wh+, 0Remem'er the other da+ when she wanted to 'ook one>8 I nod, 0She mentioned it to Roman and he arran#ed a $ri ate readin#,8 0This9late>8 I look to m+ wrist to con%irm the time tho"#h I7m not wearin# m+ watch, B"t Miles )"st shr"#s and heads %or the car( makin# me wonder i% I sho"ld head o"t too, Tr+ to catch "$ with Roman and Ma en and make s"re she7s oka+, B"t when I tr+ to t"ne in to her ener#+ a#ain( I don7t #et er+ %ar, In %act( I don7t #et an+thin# at all, A'o"t to tr+ a#ain when J"de comes "$ and sa+s( 0Yo" reall+ need to ditch that r"#, Smells aw%"l,8 I nod( distracted( "ns"re what to do, 0Yo" know what hel$s>8 0:o%%ee #ro"nds(8 I m"m'le( remem'erin# how m+ mom "sed it once when B"tterc"$ ate somethin# 'ad and #ot sick in Rile+7s room, 05ell( +eah( that( '"t I was thinkin# more like #ettin# awa+ %rom the stench, Alwa+s works %or me,8 I look at him( his %ace li#htin# into a smile, 0Serio"sl+,8 Me sli$s his arm thro"#h mine and leads me o"tside, 05hat7s the $oint o% #oin# to all that tro"'le( #oin# all o"t with the decorations and %ood( doin# all that +o" can %or +o"r %riend7s #oin#*awa+ $ool $art+( when +o" s$end the entire ni#ht on the sidelines( watchin#( o'ser in#( '"t not once di in# in>8 I look awa+, 0The $art+ was %or Miles( not me,8 0Still,8 J"de shakes his head( #a2in# at me in a wa+ that sends a %lood o% calm thro"#h m+ s+stem, 0Yo"7re lookin# a little stressed( and +o" know what kills stress( don7t +o">8 I #lance at him( seein# him smile when he sa+s( 0B"''les,8 0B"''les>8 Me $oints at the s$a, 0B"''les,8 ?ace serio"s( #a2e %i1ed on mine, I take a dee$ 'reath and look at the Jac"22i( warm( welcomin#( and +es( '"''lin# too, 5atchin# as J"de #ra's some towels and sets them '+ the ed#e( and %i#"rin# I7 e #ot nothin# to lose( that it )"st mi#ht hel$ clear m+ head eno"#h to come "$ with a new $lan( I t"rn m+ 'ack and +ank o%% m+ dress, A sill+ 'o"t o% modest+ since I7ll 'e hal% naked soon( '"t still( %acin# him wo"ld %eel too m"ch like "ndressin#, Too m"ch like the #irl in the $aintin#, Me heads %or the ed#e and di$s a toe in( e+es #oin# wide in s"ch a wa+ that I can7t hel$ '"t la"#h, 0Yo" s"re a'o"t this>8 I wra$ m+ arms aro"nd m+ waist like I7m cold( when reall+ I7m )"st tr+in# to %end o%% his #a2e, Seein# the wa+ his a"ra s$arks and %lames as he takes me in( the wa+ his cheeks %l"sh when he 3"ickl+ looks awa+, 0!e%initel+,8 Me nods( oice thick( ro"#h( watchin# as I ste$ into the Jac"22i( at %irst wincin# a#ainst the hot water then slowl+ easin# in, Immersed in heat and '"''les( thinkin# this ma+ 'e m+ smartest mo e +et, I close m+ e+es and lean 'ack( m"scles loosenin#( rela1in#( when J"de sa+s( 0Cot room %or one more>8 I s3"int( watchin# as he remo es his shirt( takin# in his e1$anse o% chest( de%ined a's( tr"nks that han# low on his hi$s( makin# m+ wa+ 'ack "$ $ast his dim$les and all the wa+ to his e+es( two a3"a $ools I7 e known thro"#h the +ears, 5atchin# as he mo es %orward( )"st a'o"t to ste$ in when he remem'ers his $hone in his $ocket and dro$s it onto the towel, 05hose decision was this>8 Me la"#hs( crin#in# a#ainst the steam and heat as he sits down 'eside me and stretches his le#s( his %oot accidentall+ landin# on mine and lettin# it rest %or a moment 'e%ore $"llin# awa+, 0Yeah( this is the li%e(8 he sa+s( tiltin# his head 'ack and closin# his e+es( then $eekin# at me when he adds( 0-lease tell me +o" "se this all the time( that +o" don7t )"st %or#et it7s here 7til someone coa1es +o" in,8 0Is that what7s ha$$enin#> I7m 'ein# coa1ed>8 Me smiles( that rela1ed( eas+ #rin li%tin# his %ace and li#htin# his e+es, 0Seems like +o" needed a little con incin#, I don7t know i% +o"7 e noticed( '"t +o" can 'e a little intense,8 I swallow hard( wantin# to look awa+( look an+where '"t at him( '"t "na'le to lea e his #a2e, 0.ot that there7s an+thin# wron# with that9'ein# intense that is98 Mis #a2e dee$ens( 'orin# into mine( l"rin# me closer like a %ish on his line( his %ace loomin# so near I close m+ e+es to meet it, Tired o% %i#htin#( tired o% re$eatedl+ $"shin# him awa+, Ass"rin# m+sel% it7s onl+ a kiss, J"de7s kiss, Bastiaan7s kiss, Mo$in# it7ll tell me( once and %or all( i% !amen7s %ears are in

an+ wa+ real, Mis wa e o% calm ener#+ com%ortin#( tem$erin#( as his li$s $art and his hand %inds m+ knee( leanin# toward each other( mo"ths a'o"t to mer#e when his rin#in# $hone 'reaks o"r trance, Me $"lls awa+( anno+ance stam$ed on his %ace, 0Sho"ld I #et it>8 0I7m o%% d"t+,8 I shr"#, 0Yo"7re $s+chic( +o" tell me,8 Me stands( t"rnin# toward his towel as I take in his %orm( the s3"ared sho"lders( the shar$ B o% his waist( sto$$in# when I catch a #lim$se o% somethin# at the small o% his 'ack, Somethin# ro"nd( dark( 'arel+ discerni'le( '"t still9 Me t"rns( %acin# me a#ain( 'rows mer#ed( hand o er his other ear( when he sa+s( 0Mello>8 and then( 05ho>8 Smilin# at me and shakin# his head( '"t it7s too late, I7 e seen it, The "nmistaka'le sha$e o% a snake eatin# its own tail, The ="ro'oros, The m+thical s+m'ol claimed '+ Roman7s tri'e o% immortal ro#"es( tattooed ri#ht on the small o% J"de7s 'ack, I reach %or m+ am"let( %in#ers %"m'lin# '"t %indin# onl+ skin, 5onderin# i% this is somehow connected to m+ s$ell #one 'ad( i% Roman has somehow arran#ed this, 0E er> Yeah( she7s here98 Me looks at me( makin# a %ace as he adds( 0=*ka+ , , ,8 Me looks at me( arm e1tended( tr+in# to $ass on the $hone, B"t I )"st i#nore it( mo in# o"t o% the Jac"22i so %ast he shakes his head and 'links, Cra''in# m+ dress and +ankin# it o er m+ head( %eelin# it dam$en and clin# to m+ skin( as m+ e+es 'la2e on his( wonderin# what the hell he7s "$ to, 0It7s %or +o"(8 he sa+s( clim'in# o"t o% the s$a and tr+in# to $ass it a#ain, 05ho is it>8 I ask( oice 'arel+ a whis$er, Mentall+ recitin# the list o% all se en chakras and their corres$ondin# weaknesses( and tr+in# to determine his, 0It7s A a, Sa+s she needs to s$eak to +o", Yo" oka+>8 Me s3"ints( head cocked to the side( concern clo"din# his %ace, I ste$ 'ack( "ns"re o% what7s ha$$enin# '"t knowin# it7s a lon# wa+ %rom #ood, Coin# strai#ht $ast his a"ra and tr+in# to $eer into his mind( '"t not #ettin# m"ch o% an+thin# thanks to the shield that he '"ilt, 0Mow7d she #et +o"r n"m'er>8 I ask( #a2e %i1ed on his, 0She "sed to work %or me9remem'er>8 Me shr"#s( hands in the air, 0E er9serio"sl+9what7s this a'o"t>8 I look at him( heart racin#( hands shakin#( ass"rin# m+sel% I co"ld take him i% it comes to that, 0Set the $hone down,8 05hat>8 0Set it down, Ri#ht there(8 I $oint to a lo"n#e chair( m+ #a2e ne er once lea in# his, 0Then walk awa+ 3"ickl+@ don7t come an+where near,8 Me shoots me a look '"t does as I sa+, Backin# toward the s$a as I $ick "$ the $hone( still holdin# his #a2e, 0E er>8 The oice is cli$$ed( "r#ent( and de%initel+ 'elon#s to A a, 0E er( I need +o" to listen( there7s no time to e1$lain,8 I stand there( n"m'( shell* shocked( still starin# at J"de as she sa+s( 0Somethin#7s ha$$ened to Ma en9she7s in tro"'le9'arel+ 'reathin#9we7re9we7re #onna lose her i% +o" don7t #et to Roman7s ri#ht awa+,8 I shake m+ head( tr+in# to make sense o% it, 05hat7re +o" talkin# a'o"t> 5hat7s #oin# on>8 0I )"st need +o" to #et here9now9h"rr+9'e%ore it7s too late48 0:all nine*one*one48 I sho"t( hearin# a m"%%led so"nd( a str"##le o% sorts( then Roman7s smooth oice mo es in, 0There7ll 'e none o% that( l" (8 he $"rrs, 0.ow 'e a #ood s$ort and #et o er here 3"ick, Yo"r %riend wanted to see a %ort"ne*teller( and now( "n%ort"natel+( her %"t"re7s not lookin# so 'ri#ht, She7s han#in# '+ a thread( E er, A thread( I tell +o", So do the ri#ht thin# and come o er, Seems it7s time %or +o" to sol e the riddle,8 I dro$ the $hone and make %or the #ate( J"de %ollowin# 'ehind( 'e##in# me to e1$lain, And when he makes the mistake o% #ra''in# m+ sho"lder( I t"rn and smack him so hard he %lies thro"#h the +ard and crashes into the lo"n#e chairs, Ca$in# at me in a tan#le o% lim's and o"tdoor %"rnit"re( str"##lin# to stand as I #lance o er m+ sho"lder and sa+( 0Cra' +o"r st"%% and #et o"t o% here, I don7t want to see +o" when I ret"rn,8 -l"n#in# thro"#h the #ate and 'reakin# into a r"n( ho$in# I can reach Ma en 'e%ore it7s too late,

%ort+*ei#ht

I r"n, -ast cars( ho"ses( stra+ do#s and cats, He#s mo in#( m"scles $"m$in#( carr+in# me %orward with hardl+ a tho"#ht, M+ 'od+ mo in# like a well*oiled machine with shin+ new $arts, And e en tho"#h it7s onl+ seconds( it %eels like ho"rs, Mo"rs since I last saw Ma en, Mo"rs 7til I7ll see her a#ain, And the second I #et there I see him, Arri in# at the same time as I do, The mere si#ht o% him ca"sin# e er+thin# to %ade9o% no $ossi'le conse3"ence now that he7s standin# 'e%ore me, M+ heart ca in# as m+ mo"th #oes dr+( o ercome with s"ch lon#in#( I can7t e en s$eak9#a2in# "$on m+ sweet( wonder%"l !amen9more #lorio"s than e er "nder the #low o% the street*li#hts, The so"nd o% m+ name on his li$s( so char#ed( so loaded( it7s clear he %eels the same, I mo e toward him( $ent*"$ emotions risin# to the s"r%ace( '"''lin# o er( I7 e so m"ch to tell him( so m"ch to sa+, The words %adin# the second we meet and m+ 'od+7s o ertaken '+ tin#le and heat9wantin# onl+ to melt into him( to ne er 'e se$arated a#ain9 Mis hand at m+ 'ack( $ro$ellin# me closer( as Roman o$ens the door( #lances 'etween "s( and sa+s( 0E er( !amen( so #lad +o" co"ld make it,8

!amen char#es the door( $innin# Roman to the wall as I sli$ ri#ht $ast and head %or the den( e+es seekin# Ma en onl+ to %ind her stretched o"t across the co"ch( $ale( "nmo in#( and %rom what I can tell( 'arel+ 'reathin#, I r"sh toward her( dro$$in# to her side as I #ras$ her wrist( %in#ers seekin# her $"lse like I once did at !amen7s, 05hat did +o" do to her>8 I #lare at A a who7s cro"ched ri#ht 'eside her( knowin# she7s workin# with Roman( the+7re on the same team, 05hat, !id +o", !o>8 I re$eat( knowin# a swi%t kick to her root chakra( the center %or anit+ and #reed( wo"ld take her down in an instant i% it sho"ld come to that, 5onderin# i% !amen7s alread+ done the same( $l"n#in# his %ist into Roman7s sacral center( and no lon#er carin# i% he did, .ot a%ter what the+7 e done to m+ %riend, A a looks at me( %ace $ale a#ainst her wa + a"'"rn hair( 'rown e+es wide and $leadin#( remindin# me o% somethin#9somethin# I7 e no time to #ras$9when she sa+s( 0I didn7t do an+thin#( E er, I swear, I know +o" don7t 'elie e me( '"t it7s tr"e98 0Yo"7re ri#ht( I don7t 'elie e +o",8 M+ %oc"s 'ack on Ma en( $ressin# m+ $alm to her %orehead( her cheek( her skin cold and dr+ as her a"ra #rows dimmer( darker( and her li%e*%orce ener#+ sli$s awa+, 0It7s not what +o" think9the+ 'ooked me %or a readin#9said it was %or a $art+9and when I showed "$9this is what I %o"nd98 She #est"res toward Ma en and shakes her head, 0B"t o% co"rse +o" showed "$4 It7s +o"r dear %riend Roman a%ter all,8 I #a2e at Ma en( searchin# %or si#ns o% a'"se( '"t I can7t see a thin#, She looks $eace%"l( "naware( cl"eless to the %act that she7s not lon# %or this world, 5ell on her wa+ to the ne1t one( the S"mmerland( "nless I can sto$ it, 0I tried to hel$9tried to98 0So wh+ didn7t +o"> 5h+7d +o" call J"de instead o% nine*one*one>8 I #lare at her as I reach %or m+ 'a#( m+ $hone( remem'erin# too late that I came here witho"t it( mani%estin# a new one )"st as Roman storms into the room, I look $ast him %or !amen( m+ heart l"rchin# when I don7t %ind him, B"t Roman )"st la"#hs( shakin# his head as he sa+s( 0Mo es a 'it slower than me, Me is older( +o" know48 Sna$$in# the mani%ested $hone o"t o% m+ hand when he adds( 0Tr"st me( l" , It7s well 'e+ond that, Seems +o"r %riend had hersel% a er+ $otent c"$ o% 'elladonna tea98 Me motions toward a %ine china c"$ on the ta'le( its contents recentl+ drained, 0Also known as deadl+ ni#htshade in case +o"7re not %amiliar( and she7s so %ar alon#( she7s wa+ 'e+ond medical hel$, .o( the onl+ one who can sa e her now is +o",8 I narrow m+ #a2e( "ns"re what he means( seein# !amen now standin# 'ehind him( e+es #"arded( tro"'led( as the+ look into mine, And I know he7s tr+in# to tell me somethin#( send a tele$athic messa#e I can7t seem to #ras$, Cettin# onl+ the %aintest echo o% so"nd( '"t "na'le to determine the words, 0This is it( E er,8 Roman smiles, 0The moment +o"7 e 'een waitin# %or48 Me swee$s his arms wide( motionin# toward Ma en as tho"#h she7s the #rand $ri2e, I #lance 'etween him and !amen( still tr+in# to recei e !amen7s messa#e( '"t nothin# will come, Roman7s e+es roamin# o er me( slowl+ takin# me in( m+ 'are %eet( dam$( clin#in# dress( wettin# his li$s as he sa+s( 0It7s real sim$le( darlin7( sim$le eno"#h %or e en +o" to deci$her, Remem'er the da+ +o" came to m+ ho"se and we talked a'o"t the $rice>8 I #lance at !amen( catchin# a %lash o% alarm( dis'elie%( h"rt( 'e%ore 3"ickl+ lookin# awa+, 0=o$s48 Roman li%ts his sho"lders and co ers his mo"th as he #lances 'etween "s, 0Sorr+, ?or#ot +o"r "na"thori2ed isit was o"r dirt+ little secret, C"ess +o"7ll )"st ha e to %or#i e m+ indiscretion( what with the li%e and death circ"mstances we7re in, So )"st to catch +o" "$ to s$eed89he nods at A a and !amen90E er sw"n# '+ m+ ho"se lookin# to 'roker a deal, Seems she7s e1tremel+ ea#er to 'ed her h"nk+ 'o+%riend,8 Me la"#hs( his #a2e landin# on !amen as he heads 'ehind the 'ar( reachin# %or a c"t cr+stal #o'let and %illin# it with eli1ir as !amen %i#hts to sta+ calm, I take a dee$ 'reath '"t sta+ $"t, Gnowin# it won7t make the sli#htest 'it o% di%%erence i% Roman7s dead or ali e( either wa+ he7s still in control, Mis #ame, Mis r"les, And I can7t hel$ '"t wonder how lon# he7s 'een at it9how lon# I7 e 'een %oolin# m+sel% that I7m act"all+ makin# $ro#ress when I7m )"st 'lindl+ %ollowin# alon#, J"st like the ision he showed me at school( all o% "s are "nder his r"le, 0E er98 !amen looks at me( tele$ath+ no lon#er workin#( %orced to oice his tho"#hts to the room, 0Is this tr"e>8 I swallow hard and look awa+( not lookin# at either o% them when I sa+( 0J"st #et to the $oint,8 0Alwa+s in s"ch a h"rr+,8 Roman shakes his head and cl"cks his ton#"e a#ainst his cheek, 0Serio"sl+( E er( %or someone with nothin# '"t time( it doesn7t make the sli#htest 'it o% sense, B"t %ine( I7ll $la+( so tell me( an+ cl"es( an+ ideas as to where this all leads>8 I #a2e at Ma en( 'arel+ 'reathin#( 'arel+ han#in# on( "nwillin# to admit that I ha e no idea what he wants( no cl"e as to what7s #oin# on, 0Remem'er the da+ when +o" came to see me at the store>8 !amen shi%ts( I can %eel his ener#+ shi%t( '"t I )"st shake m+ head( #lancin# o er m+ sho"lder( e+es narrowed when I sa+( 0I went to see Ma en( +o" )"st ha$$ened to 'e there,8 0!etails,8 Roman wa es it awa+, 0It7s the riddle I7m #ettin# at, Remem'er the riddle I $resented +o" with>8 I si#h( #ras$in# Ma en7s hand in mine9cold( dr+( and still9not a #ood si#n, 0Ci e the $eo$le what the+ want, Remem'er when I said that>8 Me $a"ses( waitin# %or me to res$ond( '"t when I don7t he adds( 0The 3"estion is9 what does it mean( E er> E1actl+ what do the $eo$le want> An+ cl"es>8 Me li%ts his 'row and waits( noddin# when he adds( 0Tr+ ste$$in# o"t o% +o"rsel% %or a moment and take a more $o$"list iew, Co ahead( #i e it a whirl( tr+ it on %or si2e( see how it %its, It7s 3"ite "nlike the elitist iew +o" and !amen hold( I ass"re +o" o% that, .o hoardin# o% the #i%ts where I stand9I share them %reel+, =r at least with those I deem deser in#,8 I t"rn( t"rn "ntil I7m %acin# him( s"ddenl+ 'e#innin# to "nderstand, Boice hoarse( 'arel+ discerni'le when I sa+( 0.o48 Clancin# 'etween Roman and Ma en as the tr"th o% what he wants( the $rice he insists on( 'ecomes clear,

.o4 M+ #a2e locked on Roman7s( as A a and !amen remain silent( cl"eless as to what7s tr"l+ trans$irin# here, 0I won7t do it(8 I tell him, 0There7s no wa+ +o" can make me,8 05o"ldn7t dream o% it( l" , 5here7s the %"n in that>8 Me smiles( slow( la2+( like the :heshire cat, 0J"st like +o" can7t make me do +o"r 'iddin# with $athetic attem$ts at mind melds and the dark %orces +o" so recentl+ called "$on,8 Me la"#hs( wa##in# his %in#er at me as he adds( 0Yo"7 e 'een a er+ na"#ht+ #irl( E er, Messin# with ma#ick +o" don7t "nderstand, .e er reali2ed when I sold the 'ook all those +ears a#o it7d end "$ in +o"r hands, =r ma+'e I did>8 Me shakes his head, 05ho7s to sa+>8 M+ e+es meet his( the tr"th o% his words hittin# me at %"ll s$eed, J"de, Is he the one who sold the 'ook to J"de> And i% so( are the+ in this to#ether> 05h+ are +o" doin# this>8 I narrow m+ #a2e, .o lon#er carin# that !amen7s now $ri + to m+ lon# list o% 'etra+als( or what A a7s thinkin# o%% in her corner( %oc"sin# onl+ on him and me9as tho"#h we7re alone in this cree$+( Cod%orsaken room, 05ell( it7s reall+ rather sim$le,8 Me smiles, 0Yo"7re so set on drawin# lines( settin# +o"rsel% a$art9so now7s +o"r chance to reall+ la+ it down( now7s +o"r chance to $ro e +o"7re nothin# like me, And i% +o" s"cceed( i% +o" can $ro e 'e+ond a do"'t that we7re nothin# alike( well then( I7m %"ll+ $re$ared to #i e +o" what +o" want, I7ll hand o er the antidote to the antidote( the c"re to the c"re( and +o" and !amen can $roceed to the hone+moon s"ite and ha e at it, It7s what +o"7 e dreamed o% all alon#( ri#ht> It7s what +o"7 e 'een schemin# %or all this time, And all +o" ha e to do to #et it is to let +o"r %riend die, I% +o" let Ma en die( the ha$$il+ e er a%ter is +o"rs( satis%action #"aranteed9more or less,8 0.o,8 I shake m+ head, 0.o48 0.o to the antidote or the ha$$il+ e er a%ter> 5hich is it>8 Me #lances 'etween his watch and Ma en( smilin# as he adds( 0Tick*tock( time to decide,8 I mo e toward Ma en( her 'reath comin# hollow( %rail( as A a sits near'+( shakin# her head( and !amen9m+ eternal lo e9m+ so"l mate9the #"+ I7 e %ailed in so man+ wa+s9$leads with me not to do the er+ thin# I7m inclined to, 0I% +o" hesitate %or too lon#( she dies, And i% +o" 'rin# her 'ack( then( well( it can #et a little mess+( as +o" well know, B"t i% +o" sa e her now( )"st sli$ her the eli1ir( well( she7ll wake "$ %eelin# %ine, Better than %ine, And( the 'est $art is( she7ll sta+ that wa+ %ore er, 5hich( a%ter all( is e1actl+ what the $eo$le want( isn7t it> Eternal +o"th and 'ea"t+, E erlastin# #ood health and italit+, .o old a#e( no illness( no %ear o% death, An in%inite hori2on with no end in si#ht, So( which will it 'e( E er> Stick to +o"r hi#h*minded( elitist( sel%*ser in# iews( $ro e +o"7re nothin# like me( contin"e to hoard all the #oods( sa+ #ood*'+e to +o"r %riend9and the antidote is +o"rs, =r98 Me smiles( #a2e %i1ed on mine, 0Sa e +o"r %riend, Ci e her the 'acksta#e $ass to the sort o% stren#th and 'ea"t+ she co"ld onl+ dream o% 'e%ore, The er+ thin# she7s alwa+s lon#ed %or( the er+ thin# e er+one lon#s %or, Yo" don7t ha e to sa+ #ood*'+e, It7s entirel+ "$ to +o", B"t( like I said( da+li#ht7s '"rnin#( so +o" mi#ht wanna h"rr+,8 I take in her $ale( %ra#ile %ace( knowin# I7m res$onsi'le( com$letel+ to 'lame, Ba#"el+ aware o% !amen 'eside me( "r#in#( 0E er( 'a'+( $lease listen( +o" can7t do it, Yo" can7t sa e her,8 Unwillin# to look at him when he adds( 0Yo" ha e to let her #o9it7s not a'o"t "s9not a'o"t "s 'ein# to#ether9we7ll %ind a wa+( I $romised +o" that, Yo" know the risk this 'rin#s9+o" know +o" can7t do this9not a%ter e1$eriencin# the Shadow*land(8 he whis$ers, 0Yo" can7t resi#n her to that,8 0=oh4 The Shadowland9so"nds scar+48 Roman la"#hs and shakes his head, 0!on7t tell me +o"7re still meditatin#( mate> Still trekkin# the Mimala+as searchin# %or meanin#>8 I swallow hard and look awa+( i#norin# them 'oth, Mind crowded with ar#"ments( 'oth %or and a#ainst( as A a adds( 0E er, !amen7s ri#ht,8 I #lare at her( the woman who 'etra+ed me in the er+ worst wa+, Hea in# !amen "lnera'le and e1$osed a%ter $romisin# to look a%ter him( a willin# $artner in Roman7s #ame, 0I know +o" don7t tr"st me( '"t it7s not what +o" think, Histen( E er( $lease( I don7t ha e time to e1$lain( '"t i% +o" won7t listen to me( then listen to !amen( he knows what he sa+s( +o" can7t sa e +o"r %riend( +o" ha e to let her #o98 0S$oken like a tr"e ro#"e(8 I hiss( remem'erin# how she took o%% with the eli1ir( which I7 e no do"'t she drank, 0It7s not what +o" think(8 she sa+s( 0it7s nothin# like that,8 B"t I7m no lon#er listenin#( m+ attention ret"rnin# to Roman( now '+ m+ side( )i##lin# the #o'let o% eli1ir( the li3"id %lashin#( s$arkin#( as he swirls it aro"nd and aro"nd( warnin# me the time has come( it7s time %or me to choose, 0Ma en wanted her %ort"ne told( and who 'etter to tell it than +o"( A alon> Too 'ad J"de7s not here( or we co"ld reall+ ha e o"rsel es a $art+9or wake 9de$endin# on how thin#s work o"t, 5hat ha$$ened( E er( +o" two looked $rett+ ti#ht last time I checked,8 I swallow hard( m+ %riend now han#in# '+ a strin#, A strin# I can either c"t9or9 0Mate to r"sh +o"( '"t it7s the moment o% tr"th, -lease don7t disa$$oint Ma en( she was so lookin# %orward to her readin#, So what7s it #oin# to 'e> 5hat do the cards sa+> !oes she li e9or does she die> The %"t"re is +o"rs to decide,8 0E er(8 !amen sa+s( hand on m+ arm( eil o% ener#+ ho erin# insistentl+ 'etween "s( one more reminder o% m+ mo"ntin# mistakes, 0Yo" can7t do it( $lease, Yo" know it7s not ri#ht, As hard as this is( +o"7 e no choice '"t to sa+ #ood*'+e,8 0=h( there7s a choice,8 Roman )i##les the 'ottle a#ain, 0J"st how %ar are +o" willin# to #o to maintain +o"r ideals and #et the one thin# +o" most want in the world>8 0E er( $lease,8 A a leans toward me, 0This is all wron#( it7s a#ainst the law o% nat"re, Yo" ha e to let her #o,8 I close m+ e+es, Una'le to act9"na'le to mo e9I can7t do this9I can7t make this choice9he can7t make me do this9 Roman7s oice ho erin# o er me when he sa+s( 0So I #"ess that7s it then,8 Me si#hs and mo es awa+, 0Cood %or +o"( E er( +o" $ro ed +o"r $oint, Yo"7re nothin# like me, .othin# at all, Yo"7re a tr"e elitist( a $erson o% lo%t+ ideals( hi#her mind( and now +o" #et to slee$ with +o"r 'o+%riend too4 5ell done4 And to think all it cost is the li%e o% +o"r %riend, Yo"r $oor( sad( lost %riend( who onl+ wanted what e er+one else wants9what +o" alread+ ha e and are in the $er%ect $osition to share, :on#rat"lations9sho"ld I sa+>8 Me heads %or the hall as I kneel 'e%ore Ma en( %ace streamin# with tears as I #a2e at m+ %riend, M+ sad( lost( con%"sed %riend who didn7t deser e an+ o% this( who7s alwa+s $a+in# the $rice %or 'e%riendin# me, !amen7s and A a7s m"rm"rin# oices 'eside me( a l"lla'+ o% $romises( $romisin# me I7ll #et thro"#h it( that I did the ri#ht thin#( that it7ll all 'e oka+, And then I see it( the sil er cord that attaches the 'od+ to the so"l, Ma in# heard a'o"t it '"t ne er act"all+ seein# it "ntil now, 5atchin# as it stretches so thin it7s read+ to sna$9send m+ %riend %ar %rom here and strai#ht into S"mmerland9 I s$rin# to m+ %eet( ri$$in# the 'ottle %rom Roman7s #ras$( and %orcin# Ma en to drink, Imm"ne to the cries all aro"nd me( A a7s $iercin# #as$( !amen 'e##in# me to sto$( and Roman7s one*man a$$la"se accom$anied '+ his lo"d "l#ar la"#h, B"t I don7t care a'o"t that, I onl+ care a'o"t her, Ma en, I can7t let her #o, :an7t let her die, :an7t sa+ #ood*'+e, :radlin# her head in m+ arms and makin# her drink9the color instantl+ ret"rnin# to her cheeks as she o$ens her e+es and #a2es at me, 05hat the9>8 She str"##les to sit( and looks all aro"nd, S3"intin# when she #lances 'etween me( A a( !amen( and Roman( and sa+s( 05here am I>8

I stare at her( mo"th o$en( '"t with no idea what to sa+, Gnowin# that this is how !amen m"st7 e %elt with me( onl+ this is m"ch worse, Me didn7t know a'o"t the death o% the so"l, I did, 0!amen and E er decided to )oin "s( l" ( and #"ess what> The %"t"re7s lookin# 'ri#hter than e er48 Roman swoo$s in 'eside me and hel$s her to her %eet( winkin# at me when he adds( 0Yo" weren7t %eelin# so well( so E er #a e +o" some )"ice( thinkin# a little s"#ar mi#ht $erk +o" ri#ht "$9and damn i% it didn7t work, And now( A a( 'e a l" ( and #o %etch "s some tea( wo"ld +a> There7s a new $ot on the sto e,8 A a #ets to her %eet( willin# me to meet her #a2e as she heads %or the hall, B"t I won7t, :an7t, :an7t look at an+one, .ot a%ter what I7 e )"st done, 0Clad to know +o"7re on 'oard( E er,8 Roman $a"ses )"st sh+ o% the door, 0It7s like I said9+o" and I9we7re the same, Bo"nd to each other %or all o% eternit+, And not 'eca"se o% the s$ell( darlin79'"t 'eca"se it7s o"r %ate9o"r destin+, Think o% me as +et another so"l mate,8 Me la"#hs( oice a whis$er when he adds( 0There( there( l" ( don7t look so shocked, I( %or one( am not the least 'it s"r$rised, Yo"7 e ne er once stra+ed %rom the scri$t, At least not so %ar,8

%ort+*nine

!amen leans toward me( his #a2e like a hand on m+ arm( warm( in itin#( l"rin# me in, 0E er( $lease( look at me(8 he sa+s, B"t I )"st contin"e to stare at the ocean( the water so 'lack I can7t e en see it, Black ocean( dark moon( and a %riend who7s headed %or the Shadowland( thanks to me, I clim' o"t o% his car and head %or the ed#e( starin# down the stee$ cli%% at the darkness 'elow, !rawn to the $"ll o% his ener#+ as he comes "$ 'ehind me( hand on m+ sho"lder( $"llin# me close to his chest as he sa+s( 05e7ll #et thro"#h this9+o"7ll see,8 I t"rn( needin# to see him( wonderin# how he can sa+ s"ch a thin#, 0Mow>8 I start( oice so %rail it7s as tho"#h it 'elon#s to some'od+ else, 0Mow will we do that> Yo" #onna make her an am"let and insist she wear it e er+ da+>8 Me shakes his head( e+es 'orin# into mine when he sa+s( 0Mow can I make Ma en wear hers when I can7t e en con ince +o" to wear +o"rs>8 Mis %in#ers dri%t to m+ neck( m+ chest( tracin# the s$ace where the cr+stals sho"ld 'e, 05hat ha$$ened>8 I t"rn( "nwillin# to look e en worse in his e+es '+ e1$lainin# how I remo ed it( so o ercon%ident in m+ mis#"ided s$ell*castin# attem$t I set it aside, 05hat am I s"$$osed to tell her>8 I whis$er, 0Mow can I $ossi'l+ e1$lain what I7 e done> Mow do +o" tell someone that +o"7 e #i en them eternal li%e( '"t i% '+ chance the+ die( then their so"l will 'e lost>8 !amen7s li$s loomin# close( warmin# m+ ear when he sa+s( 05e7ll %ind a wa+9we7ll98 I shake m+ head and mo e awa+( starin# into the 'lack( a oidin# his #a2e, 0Mow can +o" sa+ that> Mow can +o"98 Me comes "$ 'eside me( his mere $resence heatin# m+ skin as he sa+s( 0Mow can I what>8 I swallow hard( "na'le to sa+ it( to $"t into words all that I7 e done, Allowin# m+sel% to 'e $"lled into his arms( held ti#htl+ to his chest( wishin# I co"ld crawl ri#ht inside him( c"rl "$ ne1t to his heart and sta+ there %ore er9the sa%est shelter I co"ld e er know, 0Mow can I %or#i e a #irl who lo es her %riend so m"ch she can7t 'ear to let her #o>8 Me t"cks m+ hair 'ehind m+ ear and li%ts m+ chin( makin# me %ace him, 0Mow can I %or#i e a #irl who sacri%iced the one thin# she7s wanted all this time( all these +ears> ?or%eitin# the immediate ho$e o% "s 'ein# to#ether so her %riend co"ld li e> Mow can I %or#i e her( +o" ask>8 Me looks at me( e+es searchin# mine, 0It7s eas+, !id I not make a similar choice when I %irst made +o" drink> And +et( what +o" did was so m"ch 'i##er( moti ated onl+ '+ lo e( while m+ own actions weren7t 3"ite so $"re, I was %ar more interested in alle iatin# m+ s"%%erin#,8 Me shakes his head, 0:on incin# m+sel% I did it %or +o"( when the tr"th is( I was sel%ish and #reed+( alwa+s inter%erin#( ne er allowin# +o" to choose %or +o"rsel%, I 'ro"#ht +o" 'ack %or me9it7s clear to me now,8 I swallow hard( wishin# I co"ld 'elie e him9that m+ decision was no'le, B"t this is di%%erent, 5hat I did was entirel+ di%%erent, I knew a'o"t the Shadowland( he didn7t, Hookin# at him as I sa+( 0And that7s all %ine "ntil she7s in tro"'le a#ain( then the death o% her so"l is on me,8 Me #a2es $ast me( o"t to an in isi'le ocean sendin# a contin"o"s crash o% wa es to the shore, Both o% "s knowin# there7s nothin# more to sa+, .o words that can remed+ this, 0It wasn7t98 I $a"se( %eelin# st"$id %or 'rin#in# it "$ now( in li#ht o% e er+thin# else( '"t still wantin# him to know, 0It wasn7t what +o" think9a'o"t me and J"de9that da+ on the 'each98 I shake m+ head, 0It wasn7t what it seemed,8 Mis )aw ti#htens( his #ri$ loosens( '"t I 'rin# him 'ack to me( ha in# m"ch more to sa+, 0I think he7s an immortal, A ro#"e( like Roman,8 !amen stares at me( e+es narrowed when I add( 0I saw his tattoo( ri#ht on the small o% his 'ack98 Then reali2in# how that so"nds( that I was act"all+ in a $osition to #et a close*"$ look at his 'are lower 'ack( I add( 0Me was in his tr"nks and we were in the s$a98 I shake m+ head( this isn7t hel$in#, 0It was a whole thin# %or Miles7s #oin#*awa+ $art+9and9an+wa+( when A a called( he t"rned and reached %or the $hone and I saw it, The snake eatin# its own tail, The ="ro'oros, J"st like !rina had( like the one Roman wears on his neck, Same thin#,8 0Is it )"st like Roman7s>8 I s3"int( "ns"re what he means, 0!id it %lash> Mo e> ?ade in and o"t o% iew>8 I swallow hard( and shake m+ head( wonderin# what di%%erence it co"ld make, I mean( s"re I onl+ saw it %or a %ew seconds( no more than a #lim$se( '"t still9 Me si#hs and mo es awa+( sittin# on the hood o% his car when he sa+s( 0E er( the ="ro'oros itsel% isn7t e il, ?ar %rom it, Roman and his tri'e ha e distorted the meanin#, It7s act"all+ an ancient alchemical s+m'ol( si#ni%+in# creation o"t o% destr"ction( eternal li%e9that sort o% thin#, -lent+ o% $eo$le ha e 7em( and the onl+ thin# it $ro es is that J"de has a thin# %or 'od+ art, Bod+ art( and +o",8 I mo e toward him( wantin# him to know that it7s not at all reci$rocated, Mow co"ld it 'e with !amen in the $ict"re> Reali2in# he heard m+ tho"#hts when he $"lls me close and $resses his li$s to m+ ear, 0Yo" s"re> It7s not the %lash+ car and ma#ick tricks that won +o" o er>8 I shake m+ head and n"22le closer( aware o% the eil that ho ers 'etween "s( thrilled o"r tele$ath+ is workin# a#ain, ?earin# I7d somehow 'roken it when we were 'ack in that room, =% co"rse it7s workin# a#ain( he thinks, ?ear se$arates9makes "s %eel alone9disconnected9while lo e9lo e does )"st the o$$osite9it "nites, 0It7s alwa+s 'een +o"(8 I sa+( needin# to sa+ the words o"t lo"d where we can 'oth hear them, 0J"st +o", .o one '"t +o",8 I #a2e into his e+es( ho$in# the wait is o er( that we can %or#o o"r three*month deal, Me cradles m+ %ace in his hands and $resses his li$s a#ainst mine, Mis warm lo in# $resence the onl+ answer I need, The onl+ answer I want, Gnowin# there7s so m"ch more to disc"ss9Roman( Ma en( the twins( J"de( the Book( A a7s ret"rn9'"t knowin# it can wait, ?or now I )"st want to re el in 'ein# with him, Slidin# m+ arms aro"nd his neck as he $"lls me onto his la$( the two o% "s #a2in# o"t at somethin# so dark( so ast( so in%inite( so eternal( we 'oth know it7s there9and +et we can7t e en see it,

Shadowland :o er Title :o$+ri#ht !edication Acknowled#ments :ha$ter =ne :ha$ter Two :ha$ter Three :ha$ter ?o"r :ha$ter ?i e :ha$ter Si1 :ha$ter Se en :ha$ter Ei#ht :ha$ter .ine :ha$ter Ten :ha$ter Ele en :ha$ter Twel e :ha$ter Thirteen :ha$ter ?o"rteen :ha$ter ?i%teen :ha$ter Si1teen :ha$ter Se enteen :ha$ter Ei#hteen :ha$ter .ineteen :ha$ter Twent+ :ha$ter Twent+*=ne :ha$ter Twent+*Two :ha$ter Twent+*Three :ha$ter Twent+*?o"r :ha$ter Twent+*?i e :ha$ter Twent+*Si1 :ha$ter Twent+*Se en :ha$ter Twent+*Ei#ht :ha$ter Twent+*.ine :ha$ter Thirt+ :ha$ter Thirt+*=ne :ha$ter Thirt+*Two :ha$ter Thirt+*Three :ha$ter Thirt+*?o"r :ha$ter Thirt+*?i e :ha$ter Thirt+*Si1 :ha$ter Thirt+*Se en :ha$ter Thirt+*Ei#ht :ha$ter Thirt+*.ine :ha$ter ?ort+ :ha$ter ?ort+*=ne :ha$ter ?ort+*Two :ha$ter ?ort+*Three :ha$ter ?ort+*?o"r :ha$ter ?ort+*?i e :ha$ter ?ort+*Si1 :ha$ter ?ort+*Se en :ha$ter ?ort+*Ei#ht :ha$ter ?ort+*.ine