Allegiant By Sara Mack

Allegiant (Book 2 in The Guardian Trilogy) Sara Mack Smashwords Edition Copyright 2 !" Sara Mack Co#er art $y Breena Slayton % S&M& 'o( Edited $y A$$ie Gale )emmon This e$ook is licensed *or your personal en+oyment only& This e$ook may not $e re,sold or gi#en away to other people& -* you would like to share this $ook with another person. please purchase an additional copy *or each recipient& -* you/re reading this $ook and did not purchase it. or it was not purchased *or your use only. then please return to Smashwords&com and purchase your own copy& Thank you *or respecting the hard work o* this author& This is a work o* *iction& 0ames. characters. places. $rands. media. and incidents are either the product o* the author/s imagination or used *ictitiously& The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners o* #arious products listed in this work o* *iction. which ha#e $een used without permission& The pu$lication1use o* these trademarks is not authori(ed. associated with. or sponsored $y the trademark owners&

Dedicated to A. J. Thank you for remaining allegiant to me. I love you.

Ta$le o* Contents 2rologue 3 4ames Chapter ! 3 Emma Chapter 2 Chapter " Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter : Chapter ! Chapter !! Chapter !2 Chapter !" Chapter !5 Chapter !6 Chapter !7 Chapter !8 Chapter !9 Chapter !: Chapter 2 Chapter 2! Chapter 22 Chapter 2"

Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 2: A$out the Author E;cerpt *rom <e$orn

Prologue ~ James
The connection $etween us is indescri$a$le& )imitless& -t is as i* an in#isi$le elastic $and stretches $etween us. and -/m powerless to ignore its pull& The $and holds a so*t electric hum that sits in the $ack o* my mind. reminding me o* its presence and my duty& <eminding me o* her& <eminding me o* what -/#e lost& There are moments when - *eel gentle tugs on the $and& -nstincti#ely. - know which are more important than others& =nly once. since $ecoming her Guardian. ha#e - *elt an o#erwhelmingly strong pull. $ut - could sense she wasn/t in danger and *ocused all o* my energy on resisting the urge to go to her& She asked me to stay away. and - trust her& - still need time& Time to con#ince my mind and my heart that - can no longer lo#e her& - curse Garrett under my $reath& >here did he go? @is guidance is needed now. more so than e#er& My *eelings *or her ha#e yet to diminish& @ow much more time do - ha#e $e*ore The Allegiant step in? Be*ore they reali(e my poor Guardianship and take my memories and lo#e *or her $y *orce? They ha#e the power to eliminate her *rom my li*e. *or eternity& - *eel a gentle tug on the $and again and close my eyes tightly& - ha#e to stop lo#ing her& ha#e no other choice&

Chapter 1 ~ Emma
There is only so much time you can spend alone $e*ore you start to go mad& 0ow. understand why they put prisoners in solitary con*inement& Solitude gi#es you plenty o* time to dwell on things& The past& The present& The *uture& >hat you/#e doneA what you didn/t do& >hat you would change i* you could& My list o* regrets grows daily& This a*ternoon -/#e added the *ollowingB - should ha#e kept mysel* surrounded $y my *amily and pushed $ack my mo#e to school& - should ha#e controlled my shocked reaction to my new neigh$or telling me his name is Garrett. $ecause he hasn/t talked to me since& And. - should ha#e apologi(ed to Cane $e*ore - le*t. regardless o* his hatred towards me& - close my eyes to erase the memory o* Cane/s anger& -t/s useless& @is e;pression haunts me& - try harder and his *ace morphs. changing into 4ames& - *eel the *amiliar sDuee(e around my heart whene#er - think o* them. and tears start to well $ehind my eyes& - miss 4ames more than - can comprehend& Be*ore his death we were insepara$le& A*ter his accident. he chose to $ecome a Guardian instead o* passing on. in order to stay in my li*e& @e would #isit me and stay throughout the night& @is mentor. Garrett. e#entually pulled him away to $e trained. so that one day he could $e assigned a >ard o* his own& 4ames/ a$sence led me to lean on a *riend more than - should ha#e& Cane took my mind o** the sadness o* losing 4ames. stood up *or me when - couldn/t stand up *or mysel*. and played a huge part in sa#ing me *rom someone *rom my past& - was in denial a$out his *eelings *or me. and - was allowing him to get too close& 4ames could see this. and it didn/t make him happy& >hen it came to me. Garrett knew how tortured 4ames was $y his limitations& @e could see how my relationship with Cane was a**ecting 4ames and determined the possi$ility o* my releasing 4ames when - die was *ading& >hen my own Guardian was released *rom their duty. Garrett decided it would $e $est *or 4ames i* he were assigned to me& As his >ard. - would $e connected to him *ore#er& But. un*ortunately. there are rules. and Guardians are *or$idden to lo#e their >ards& -t clouds their +udgment too much. inter*eres with their purpose& So while 4ames will $e $ound to me *or my li*etime. he is no longer allowed to lo#e me& -t/s $een a month since -/#e seen him. and my mind reels. wondering what he/s going through& 4ames said he would $e punished. his memories o* us erased. i* he could not learn to control his *eelings& - told him to stay away. *or as long as it takes to stop lo#ing me. $ut our separation is haunting& 0ot a minute goes $y that - don/t think a$out him& =r last summer& =r my mistakes& - shake my head to clear it& - need a distraction& - roll o#er and pick up my phone to call my $est *riend Shel& - ha#e to $e care*ul. space out my calls to her. and monitor what - say& She would $e the *irst person to recogni(e that - wasn/t doing well on my own. $eing as she knows me $etter than anyone else& >hat - wouldn/t gi#e *or her to drop e#erything and come stay with me like she did this past summer. a*ter 4ames died& But she/s at school too. in Ann Ar$or. and she/s dating Matt now& -/m sure he is there #isiting her e#ery chance he gets& Shel picks up on the third ring& E@eyFG E@ey& >hat are you doing?G E>atching Matt ru$ my *eet&G Speak o* the de#il& E=h. okay& -/ll let you go&G

E0o. you don/t ha#e to&G EShel. -/m not going to talk to you while Matt ru$s your *eet& -t/s weird& 4ust call me later&G She laughs& E>ill do& =h. wait a sec&G - hear her ad+ust the phone as she talks to Matt. their #oices slightly mu**led& She returns to me& EGood newsF Matt/s a$le to come with me to #isit you *or your $irthday&G -/m grate*ul that she can/t see me rolling my eyes& 0ot that - don/t want #isitorsA - do& But was looking *orward to ha#ing a girls,only $irthday cele$ration& Hou know. a gallon o* ice cream and a mo#ie or two& The last thing - want to watch is Matt and Shel make goo,goo eyes at each other& EThat/s great.G - say. trying to put some genuine enthusiasm into my response& -t still sounds *orced& EEmmmmmaI&G she draws out my name. sensing my irritation& ECall me $ack when you/re *ree.G - say. ignoring her whine and hanging up& - roll on to my $ack and stare at the ceiling& 0ow what? - play with my phone. scrolling through the pictures ha#e sa#ed& Most are o* 4ames $e*ore his accident& A *ew are o* Shel& And then there/s the last one& - stare at the picture o* Cane that - snapped a*ter we *inished playing mini gol* a *ew weeks ago. when he #olunteered to help heal my heart& )ittle did - know that. merely days later. would $e hurting his& - sigh and toss my phone aside& Things really suck right now&

=n August " th. the $u((er *rom the *ront door sounds in my apartment& - rush to answer& E@ello?G E@appy $irthday to youF @appy $irthday to youF @appy $irthday dear EmmaF @appy $irthday to youFG =nly Shel would sing into an intercom& E-/ll $e right there.G - laugh& - lea#e my apartment and head down the short hallway to the main entrance o* my $uilding& -t/s actually an old house that/s $een con#erted into *our apartments *or students at >estern Michigan Jni#ersity& 4ames and - had planned to li#e here together during our last year o* school. $ut. well. you know& - throw open the door. an;ious to see my *riends& E@iFG Shel steps *orward and tosses her arms around me& E@appy $irthdayFG E>e/#e already esta$lished that.G - say into her shoulder& E>here/s Matt?G E@e/s coming& @e/s getting your gi*t out o* the car&G A moment later. - see Matt turn the corner o* the sidewalk carrying a large $o;& -t/s per*ectly sDuare and color*ully wrapped& E@ey EmmaFG E@ey.G - smile as he approaches us& - hold the door open *or him as Shel and - enter the hallway& They *ollow me to my apartment& EThis is cute.G Shel says. glancing around my place as we enter& EKery nice& Better than my digs. that/s *or sure&G E- can/t complain.G - say as - close the door $ehind Matt& )ooking at the $o; in his hands ask. E>hy did you guys $ring me a present? Hou didn/t need to do that&G E-t/s your $irthday.G Matt says& E2resents are mandatory&G @e walks o#er and sets the $o; down on my small co**ee ta$le& EHou should pro$a$ly open it sooner rather than later&G

E>hat/s the rush?G - ask. +ust as the $o; mo#es on its own& - eye the two o* them suspiciously& E>hat/s in there?G ESee *or yoursel*.G Shel says with a sel*,satis*ied grin& - approach the $o; cautiously& E-t isn/t going to +ump out at me. is it?G Matt smiles& EMay$e& May$e not&G - shoot him a Duestioning look& E)et me re,phrase& -t/s not going to $ite me. is it?G @e shrugs& - see the lid is wrapped separately *rom the rest o* the $o; as - tentati#ely place my hands on either side& The $o; mo#es again as - gra$ the lid and +ump $ack. much to Shel and Matt/s amusement& As soon as the co#er is o**. two little ears appear at the top o* the $o; *ollowed $y two tiny white paws& A *u((y gray head peeks o#er the edge. and my heart dissol#es instantly& -t/s a kitten& - let out an EawwwwG as - step *orward to scoop him out o* the $o;& E>here/d you *ind him?G E@er.G Matt corrects me& EShe was the last o* a litter $rought into my dad/s clinic a$out a week ago&G @e smiles and reaches out to scratch $ehind her ears& EShe/s three months old and #ery *riendly& - made sure all o* her shots were up to date&G E>e thought you could use a *riend out here.G Shel says as she steps *orward. o**ering me the plastic $ag - noticed her carrying& E@ere are some supplies *or the little $ooger&G - laugh& E)ittle $ooger?G EShe/s $een tromping all o#er my stu** *or the last *ew days& -/#e $een $a$ysitting until we came out here&G - snuggle my new little *riend& She/s so so*t and has $ig copper,colored eyes& EThanks you guys& She/s awesome&G Shel smiles at me& EHou/re welcome&G EHou can ha#e pets here. right?G Matt asks& - nod as the kitten sDuirms against my arms& - crouch down to set her on the *loor and watch her as she starts to e;plore the li#ing area& E)et/s get this stu** set up $e*ore she has an accident.G Shel nods toward the $ag& >e head to the kitchen. and - pull out two small $owls that can $e used *or *ood and water& ESo. what/s the plan *or tonight?G Matt asks. plopping down on the lo#eseat& @e nearly sinks to the *loor& E>hoaF >hat/s up with this couch?G he laughs& - look o#er my shoulder& E=h. sorry& -t/s old& -t/s $een hanging out in my parent/s $asement&G - *ill one $owl with water and place it on the *loor ne;t to the wall while Shel *ills the other with cat *ood& ELor now. it does what - need it to do&G Matt read+usts himsel* to sit on the edge& E>here do you want the litter $o;?G Shel asks& E2ro$a$ly the $athroom? So it/s out o* sight?G Shel nods and heads down my tiny hallway& She pauses at my $edroom and then *inds the $athroom on the right& - look into the $ag and *ind the last o* the kitten/s supplies. two little red mouse,shaped toys& - walk into the li#ing room and toss them on to the *loor& The kitten comes running& 'neeling down. - gra$ one $y the tail and dangle it in *ront o* her as she $ats at it& @er play*ulness makes me smile& The reali(ation hits me. yet again. that - ha#e ama(ing people in my li*e& The kitten is +ust what - needed& - look up at Matt& EThank you& )ike. sincerely& Hou don/t know how much -/#e needed something to take my mind o** things&G @e smiles& EShel thought you might $e a little stressed out&G

- nod as - hold the toy +ust out o* the kittens reach& She +umps to gra$ it and snares it in her claws. making me laugh& EShe would know&G ESo.G Shel says. reappearing $ehind me& E>hat/s *or dinner?G EThere/s a great Thai place close to here.G - suggest& E>e could go there&G ECo they ha#e carryout?G she asks& - look at her con*used& EHeah. $ut - *igured you guys wouldn/t want to stay here all night&G E>here/s the menu?G She turns toward the kitchen& E=n the *ridge&G She walks o#er. gra$s it. and then picks up her phone& EHou don/t mind going to gra$ dinner. do you hun?G she asks Matt& E0ope.G he answers& - think Matt would do anything Shel asked o* him M walk o#er hot coals. +ump o** a $ridge. eat glass& Hou name it& =* course he doesn/t mind& Shel starts to peruse the menu& EGood& Emma and - need some girl time&G

E-* we needed Ngirl time/ why did you drag him here with you? - *eel $ad&G - glance at the door Matt +ust le*t through& -t/s $een a$out twenty minutes since we placed our order& E- needed his help with the cat.G Shel says as she sets her glass on the co**ee ta$le& EAnd. $elie#e it or not. he wanted to see you&G ECoes he do e#erything you ask o* him?G She considers my Duestion and then nods& E4ust a$out&G E@ow do - get one o* those?G - muse wist*ully& Shel snorts& EHou had one o* those. remem$er?G - look at her with wide eyes& Cid - say that out loud? She turns her $ody to *ace me on the couch and crosses her legs& She tosses her long $rown hair o#er her shoulder. re#ealing $right red highlights underneath. and trains her chocolate $rown eyes on my green ones& She cocks an eye$row& EHou ha#en/t $een honest with me&G - scrunch up my nose& EA$out what?G EHou know&G EJm. no& - don/t know&G ECane&G - groan& A*ter 4ames was assigned as my Guardian. the depression - *elt a*ter his accident threatened to return& - didn/t want my *riends and *amily to worry a$out me& - tried to maintain a sense o* normalcy and ended up alienating one o* the $est people that has e#er come into my li*e& Cane will ne#er *orgi#e me a*ter what happened $etween us. as well he shouldn/t& E- told you e#erything& -t/s my $irthday& Co we ha#e to discuss this?G EHes. $ecause -/m here and - can see your *ace& Hou can/t lie to me in person&G This is true& -t/s much easier *or me to lie o#er the phone& E>hat do you think -/m lying a$out?G Shel crosses her arms to match her legs and narrows her eyes at me& EMatt told me something a$out the *ight you had with Cane& A ma+or detail that you neglected to mention to me&G

- stare at her con*used& E-t/s a major detail.G she presses& - rack my $rain& - thought - told her e#erything a$out the *ight& A$out how Cane wanted to know i* - could e#er lo#e him& @ow he said he would wait *or me until - was o#er 4ames& A$out how - told him no. $ecause it would $e un*air to make him wait inde*initely& A$out how he stormed o** a*ter Matt interrupted our argument& E-/m going to ask you a Duestion.G Shel says& EAnd - want the truth&G - look at her. perple;ed& ECid you almost sleep with Cane?G =h shit& - can *eel the $lood drain *rom my *ace. yet it *eels hot at the same time& - can tell *rom her e;pression that she knows it/s true& E>hy didn/t you tell me?G she asks. her eyes wide& EBecause it was a mistake.G - whisper& Cid Matt and Cane really ha#e this con#ersation a$out me? - know they/re good *riends. $ut come onF - start to *eel my *ace *lush deeper at the reali(ation that Matt knows a$out this too& Shel throws her arms in the air& ECo you reali(e how $ad - *ought with Matt o#er this? told him Cane had to $e lying $ecause you would ha#e told me& >hat the hell Emma?G She pouts& - can/t look at her& E-Iit shouldn/tI&G ECid he pressure you?G she asks. suddenly concerned& My head snaps up& E0oF -t wasn/t like that&G - push mysel* o** the couch and head toward the kitchen& My mouth *eels dry all o* a sudden& E>ell. then& >hen?G EA*ter dinner at )ouie/sA when he le*t and - was mad&G - open the ca$inet and gra$ a glass& *ill it under the sink *aucet and take a $ig gulp& E0o wonder.G Shel murmurs& - turn around to *ace her and lean against the sink to stare into the li#ing room& E0o wonder what?G E- couldn/t understand how one *ight could make you two so angry with each other&G Jn*olding her legs. she pats the cushion ne;t to her& - walk toward her slowly. side stepping my new $uddy who/s chasing her tail& - take a seat. and Shel wraps her arm around my shoulders& E- wish you would ha#e told me sooner& >e could ha#e talked a$out it& Hou/#e got to stop keeping all this stu** in&G - nod as - stare at my glass& EAnd -/m sorry - lit into you when - *ound out a$out the *ight& That was wrong o* me&G - gi#e her a small smile& E0o apology needed& - deser#ed it&G She grimaces& E- don/t know a$out that&G - set my glass on the ta$le ne;t to Shel/s& ECo you think Cane will e#er speak to me again?G She gi#es me a sympathetic look& E@ow $ad is it?G - ask& E- ha#en/t talked to him&G EBut Matt has?G She sighs& E- asked him i* he would talk to Cane. to see i* things could $e worked out& knew you were *eeling $ad and thought may$e. a*ter some time. you could at least $e *riends again&G

EAnd?G - cringe& EMatt/s unsure i* that can happen& @e said Cane/s got a lot going on right now and any contact *rom you would pro$a$ly $e a $ad idea& @e said he needs time to sort things out&G - *rown. $ut nod in understanding& >hat did - e;pect? E-t/s only $een two weeks.G Shel reassures me& EThings will get $etter& There/s nothing that a little time can/t heal&G -/m not so sure a$out that& She wasn/t thereA she didn/t see the look on Cane/s *ace& -t was as i* - had reached into his chest and pulled out his $eating heart with my $are hands& >e hear a knock on the door. and Shel +umps up to open it& - turn to see Matt walk $ackward through the doorway carrying two $ags o* take out. $oth $alanced in his arms and tucked under his chin& ESome guy let me in at the *ront door.G he says as he turns to us& @e walks o#er. puts the $ags down on the counter. and smiles& E>ho/s hungry?G - gi#e him a weary glance and slowly rise to get some plates& @e looks suspiciously at me and then at Shel& E=h. - took the li$erty o* picking up one o* these.G he adds. opening the second plastic $ag dramatically& -t/s a small chocolate cake& -t doesn/t $ring the reaction he was hoping *or. and he looks at me con*used& EThanks.G - say and stop to gi#e him a one,armed hug& - hang on a little longer than necessary and he notices& @is eyes dart to Shel accusingly& EAw. hell& Hou told her we knew. didn/t you?G

Chapter 2
The ne;t morning. - wake to *ind Shel still asleep ne;t to me& - stare at the ceiling recalling how odd. yet great. this $irthday was& -/m so thank*ul *or my *riends& Shel and Matt decided to stay the nightA despite Matt/s annoyance with my crappy 25,inch tu$e TK and lack o* surround sound& - reminded him at least - had ca$le. and 4ames had $een the one with all the hi,tech toys. not me& @is teasing stopped a*ter that& There was no *urther mention o* Cane. thank*ully. and the three o* us spent the e#ening eating cake. watching the Tigers. and reminiscing& >e/#e $een *riends since we were ten. and that includes 4ames& Matt once told me he and Shel *elt like 4ames was still a part o* their li#es $y spending time with me& - lo#e that& Around midnight. Matt *ell asleep on my less,than,ideal lo#eseat. so Shel and - crammed oursel#es into my *ull,si(e $ed with the kitten& >e spent another hour trying to come up with a name *or her& By the time - dri*ted o**. we were leaning toward )ittle Booger& Speaking o*. where is she? - raise my head to look around my $edroom and can/t *ind her& pull $ack the $lanket and swing my legs o** the side o* the $ed. silently hoping she hasn/t *allen in the toilet& - take a *ew steps across the hall to the $athroom and turn on the light& 0ope& 0o cat swimming here& - turn and head into the li#ing room and stop short& There. on the couch. is perhaps the most adora$le thing -/#e e#er seen& Matt remains asleep on his $ack. his $ody weight causing my lo#eseat/s sad springs to sag low& @e/s a $ig guy. and his long legs o#er*low one end& @is head is wedged at an odd angle $etween the corner o* the armrest and the $ack o* the couchA - can $arely make out his $londe hair& @e looks incredi$ly uncom*orta$le& But there. in the center o* his chest. lies )ittle Booger& She/s curled up asleep. in a contented little $all. soothed $y the rise and *all o* Matt/s $reathing& - can hear her loud purr as his two huge hands surround her in a protecti#e little nest& - ha#e to take a picture& - sprint $ack into my $edroom and gra$ my phone o** the nightstand& - creep into the li#ing room and get as close as - dare so as not to wake them& - take the picture and then look at it. smiling at my memento& Hep. this was a pretty awesome $irthday&

A day later. my parents paid me a #isit to cele$rate& They were in*atuated with )ittle Booger. almost as i* she were a grandchild& At *irst - thought it was strange. $ut then remem$ered they treat my $rother/s dog. 4ake. the same way& They weren/t too impressed with my choice o* name *or her though. so - think -/ll shorten it to )B& And. o* course. they $rought me $irthday gi*ts& The *irst $ag held two new out*its. while the second contained a $o; o* BisDuick& My dad e;plained it was his contri$ution. so - could learn to make pancakes& laughed when - opened it& 0o one can make pancakes like my dad& - spent the ma+ority o* )a$or Cay weekend with my parents. since they decided to make an e;tended trip o* my $irthday and stay at a local hotel& They wouldn/t admit it. $ut - think the main reason *or their mini,#acation was to make sure - was sa*e on my own so *ar away *rom home& - know they are worried a$out me& 4ames was $y my side *or two years at >MJ. not to

mention - was attacked this past summer $y a *ormer classmate& - understand their concern& This is new territory *or me M and *or them& As - *inish reminiscing. - get ready to attend my *irst class o* my senior year& -/m ecstatic& *inally ha#e something to do with my time. other than dwell on the past& - hope my schedule o* Analytical Loundations. Communication in Business. -ntro to Ethics. and Business Statistics will gi#e me a lot o* homework& - stop and make a *ace at mysel* in the mirror& <eally Emma? Get a li*e& - com$ my hair and pull it into a ponytail. noticing it looks more au$urn than $rown these days& - Duickly apply a pale green eye shadow o#er the light skin o* my eyelids. throw on some clear lip gloss. and turn o** the $athroom light& My morning routine is not #ery intricate& As - head out the door. - $end down and kiss )B& EBe good.G - remind her as she watches me go& - ha#e a *eeling she/ll $e getting into my hair ties again& E-/ll $e home in a *ew hours&G shut and lock the door $ehind me. then try the kno$ *or good measure& E@ey there&G - look o#er and see my neigh$or. Garrett. lea#ing his place as well& >e ha#en/t spoken since - *irst mo#ed inA since the day he told me his name and - acted all shocked and *lustered& -/#e ne#er met another Garrett in my li*eA the odds o* my neigh$or ha#ing the same name as 4ames/ Guardian mentor had to $e a thousand to one& Garrett looks o#erdressed. e#en though - ha#e no idea where he is headed& @e/s wearing pressed khaki/s and a $lue $utton,down shirt. which make his odd turDuoise eyes really stand out& @e looks like he +ust came *rom the $ar$erA his $rown hair is cut neatly on the sides $ut still wa#y on the top& @is skin also looks more tan than - remem$er& E@ey.G - gi#e him a small smile& E@eaded to class?G he asks& EHep&G E>hich one?G E-ntro to Ethics.G - say as - walk toward him and the *ront door& EHou?G @e smiles& EThe same& >ho/#e you got?G - reach into my $ag and pull out my schedule& - didn/t memori(e my instructor/s names& E4ohnson&G E>ell. that/s a coincidence& So do -&G My mind unwillingly *lashes to 2atrick. the la$ partner that decided he liked me a $it too much and signed up *or all the same classes as me& The same person that 4ames changed schools to protect me *rom& The e;act same person that attacked me o#er the summer& - push the image away& This is a coincidence& 0ot all people are psychos& 4ust to make sure. - ask Garrett what other classes he has this semester& EAmerican Military @istory. Entrepreneurship. and Small Business Management&G - $reathe easier& @e opens the *ront door and stands aside& EA*ter you&G EThanks&G >e head to campus together& =n a nice day like today it/s a$out a ten minute walk. $ut when winter hits -/ll $e dri#ing *or sure& ESo. where are you *rom?G - ask& E@ope Mills. 0orth Carolina&G E=h&G - was e;pecting him to say a city in Michigan& E-/#e ne#er heard o* it&G E-t/s a small town&G E>hat made you choose >estern?G E- heard it/s an e;cellent school *or $usiness ma+ors&G

>e reach the street corner and pause *or the light to change& EMy ma+or is Management& @a#e you had 2ittinger *or =rgani(ational Beha#ior yet?G Garrett shakes his head& E0ope. - +ust trans*erred& This is my *irst semester here&G E>ell. a#oid her.G - gi#e him words o* ad#ice& E)ike the plague&G @e laughs as the light changes. and we cross the street& ESo.G he asks me. Edid you get a cat or do you ha#e some sort o* mewling alarm clock?G - shoot him an apologetic look& EHou can hear her? -/m sorry& She/s +ust a kitten&G E=nly in the morning.G he says. E$e*ore -/#e had my co**ee& - thought - was hearing things without the ca**eine&G E0o. that would $e )B&G - shake my head& EShe/s Duite demanding when she/s hungry&G E)B?G he asks& E)ittle Booger&G - look at him sheepishly& E-t/s the $est name Shel and - could come up with& =$#iously she/s li#ing up to the title&G @e chuckles& E-s Shel your *riend with the red in her hair?G @is Duestion makes me pause& @ow would he ha#e seen Shel? EAnd Matt/s her $oy*riend?G - stop on the sidewalk& E@owIhow do you know my *riends?G @e stops a *ew steps ahead o* me& E- don/t& They were o#er last week. right? - ran into the guy carrying some $ags and let him in& @e introduced himsel*&G @e walks $ack toward me& The e;pression on my *ace must alarm him $ecause he says. E- didn/t mean to startle you& Again&G - $link and resume walking& ESorry&G - *eel like an idiot& @e *alls into step $eside me. and we make it to the ne;t corner& >e wait *or the signal to change and then cross the street in silence& @al*way up the $lock. he clears his throat& E- didn/t mean to make you uncom*orta$le&G EHou didn/t&G - gi#e him a reassuring look and. wanting to shi*t the *ocus o** me. ask. ECo you go home to #isit o*ten?G Garrett/s +aw tenses& E- don/t think -/ll $e going home anytime soon& - le*t *or a reason& 0o one knows where - am&G That sounds serious& EAre you in the witness protection program?G - hal*,heartedly +oke& =ne side o* his mouth Duirks up& E0o&G - don/t know why. $ut - *eel sorry *or Garrett& -t must $e rough without ha#ing any *riends or *amily to talk to& E>ell. i* you need anything. -/m right ne;t door&G @e *lashes me a smile& >e make it to the edge o* campus and start to cross o#er to the main $uilding& =ut o* the corner o* my eye. - think - see 4ames& Surprised. - inhale sharply and turn to my le*t. my heart skipping a $eat& My eyes search the $ench where - thought he was seated and *ind it empty& *rown as disappointment washes o#er me& EE#erything all right?G Garrett asks& - nod and continue to walk. gi#ing him a lame smile& Suddenly. to my right. - see 4ames again. casually leaning against a light post& - catch mysel* smiling and take a step to rush and greet him& @e appears to ignore me. and - stop in my tracks& - $link. and he #anishes& EAre you sure?G Garrett asks& -/m starting to wonder& My ga(e shi*ts to the le*t& 4ames is there. walking in my direction. although he doesn/t appear to notice me& - close my eyes. then open them to look *orward& Sure enough. - see him again. $ut now he is standing se#eral *eet away $eneath a maple tree.

o$li#ious to my presence& -* he were truly here. he would at least make eye contact or speak& My $reathing $ecomes erratic as - reali(e -/m seeing things& Garrett steps into my line o* #ision& EHou look pale& Cid you eat this morning?G - nod& - had a $anana and a granola $ar& All o* a sudden. $lood starts to pound $ehind my ears. and -/m ha#ing a hard time hearing and *ocusing& Garrett/s *ace $lurs $e*ore my eyes& - don/t understand what/s happening& -s this some sort o* post,traumatic stress $reakdown? - *eel Garrett gra$ ahold o* my el$ow& E- think you need to sit down&G @e leads me o#er to a near$y planter $o; where - grate*ully take a seat& - hold my head in my hands in an attempt to make the pulsating stop& -t only grows worse and more pain*ul& E>hat/s wrong?G he worriedly asks& @is #oice sounds mu**led to me& E- think -/m getting a headache.G - say as - lean *orward to rest my el$ows on my knees& 4ames/ *ace appears in *ront o* me. e#en as - stare at the ground& >hen his image is the only thing that will stay in *ocus. - close my eyes& My *irst time $ack on campus without him is messing with my head& ECo you ha#e a *e#er?G -t sounds like Garrett has mo#ed to crouch in *ront o* me& - *eel his hand rest against my *orehead to check my temperature& -t/s *ree(ing cold& May$e - do ha#e a *e#er& E=kay. now you/re shaking.G he o$ser#es as he remo#es his hand& - sit up and attempt to open my eyes& Things are ha(y. my ears *eel hot. and with e#ery $eat o* my heart my temples pulse in pain& ECoes it hurt?G he asks as he sits on his heels in *ront o* me& - nod& ECo you trust me?G - narrow my eyes in con*usion& Co - trust him? - $arely know him& But the longer he stares at me with those odd turDuoise eyes the calmer - *eel& ECo you wear contacts?G - ask a$sentmindedly& EThat/s not what - asked.G he says& <ight& Trust& E- guess - trust you&G @e nods decisi#ely and stands& @e looks around. as i* making sure no one is watching. and then places his hands on either side o* my head. +ust a$o#e my ears& E>hat are youI?G EOuiet.G he tells me& @e closes his eyes as he applies gentle pressure to my head& >hen he does this. it *eels like all the pain and *u((iness gathers at the top. like he/s pushing it there& A moment later. *rigid air $lasts through my $ody. tra#eling *rom the top o* my head down through my toes. taking my pain with it& -t happens so *ast - don/t ha#e time to react& Garrett opens his eyes and releases my head& E@ow do you *eel?G - look at him in awe& - *eel good& Actually. - *eel $etter than good& - *eel ama(ing& - *eel energi(ed. like - could run a marathon& My $lood sings in my #eins& E@ow did youIwhat was that?G - ask him. shocked& EThe pain is gone&G @e glances at his watch. like what he did was no $ig deal& E>e ha#e to get mo#ing or we/re going to $e late&G - stand. and we head toward the main $uilding& - *eel like skippingA - ha#e so much energy& - try to contain mysel*& E@ow did you do that?G - whisper&

@e holds the door open *or me& E-t/s called reiki&G E<eiki? -/#e ne#er heard o* anything like it&G >hen we *ind our classroom. Garrett takes a seat ne;t to me& - *ish my te;t$ook out o* my $ag. set it on the desk. and then look o#er at him& EThank you& - don/t know how - would ha#e made it through this class without your help&G @e nods and then opens his $ook. pretending to $e interested in the *irst *ew pages& - get the *eeling that he doesn/t want to discuss it anymore. so - drop the su$+ect& E#entually. Ms& 4ohnson arri#es to $egin class& - ha#e to *orce mysel* to concentrate on what she/s telling us& - make a mental note to research reiki when - get home& -/m *inding it hard to *ocus. $ut in a good way& My $ody still *eels like it/s humming&

-ntro to Ethics is my only class on Tuesdays& A*terward. - stop and get a signi*icantly more su$stantial lunch compared to what - ate *or $reak*ast& - also stop $y the li$rary to reser#e two o* the recommended reading $ooks assigned $y Ms& 4ohnson& Better to $e sa*e than sorry& - get caught up in the *iction $ooks *or a while. and $e*ore - know it. it/s almost *our o/clock& By now. )B may ha#e #ery well torn up the place& - make my way $ack across campus toward my apartment& The *eeling *rom the reiki has su$sided to an almost non,e;istence. and -/m starting to *eel a little tired& - make it o** campus and to the *irst cross street without any reoccurrence o* my 4ames,induced trauma *it& - silently pray that it will ne#er happen again& As - approach my place. - see a large industrial #an parked in the street& Two men are $usy at the $ack. setting up a ramp *or a deli#ery& As - get closer. - notice the truck appears to $e *ull o* *urniture& The *ront door to my $uilding is propped open. so - maneu#er around them with a smile and head inside& EE;cuse me?G - turn around& EAre you Emma Conohue?G - hesitate as - make eye contact with the $urly deli#ery man& EHes&G E>e ha#e a deli#ery *or you&G @e gra$s a clip$oard o** the $ack o* the truck and walks toward the door& E- need you to sign here and here&G @e marks each spot with an P& - take the clip$oard *rom him. con*used& - read the in#oice& -t/s *or a couch and a tele#ision& An e;pensi#e couch and tele#ision& And it/s marked 2A-C -0 LJ))& E- didn/t order these things&G - hand the clip$oard $ack to him& EThere must $e some mistake&G The man looks o#er the $illing& E@mm& )et me see&G 4ust then my cell $eeps. letting me know - ha#e a #oicemail& Lunny. - didn/t hear it ring& >hile the deli#ery men try to *igure out the mistake. - pull my phone *rom my $ag& There/s a missed call *rom my parents. pro$a$ly my mom& - touch the screen to clear the alert. and notice - ha#e a missed te;t as well& My phone must not get a signal in the li$rary& Since 4im Bo$ and Carryl ha#en/t *igured out the pro$lem yet. - decide to read the te;t& Someone told me you needed a few things. They should be delivered today. Happy belated birthday. -t/s *rom Cane&

Chapter 3
Awestruck. - stare at my phone& Are you kidding me? There/s no way - can accept his gi*t& -t/s way too much. and $esides. my saggy lo#eseat and tu$e TK work +ust *ine& - look up. and the two deli#ery men are still mulling o#er the supposed error& E-/m sorry.G interrupt them& E- guess the items really are *or me&G - hold out my phone. indicating the message& EBut - won/t $e accepting the deli#ery&G =ne o* the men looks at the in#oice and then $ack at me& ESorry. $ut whoe#er purchased these items paid a surcharge *or a con*irmed deli#ery.G he says& E>e/re o$ligated to lea#e the merchandise&G - *rown in *rustration& =* course Cane would reali(e - wouldn/t want to accept such an e;tra#agant gi*t& The deli#ery man hands the clip$oard to me again. and under duress - sign $y the P/s& E-/ll go open my door&G @e nods and turns to help his coworker *inish setting up the ramp& - head to my apartment and make my way inside& )B comes running the minute she hears my entrance& E@ey there. *u(( $all.G - say a**ectionately as - scoop her up with one hand& - kiss her head and snuggle her to my chest& E-/m going to ha#e to keep you in the $edroom *or a minute& Apparently you +ust got a new scratching post&G - walk into the $edroom. set her on the $ed. and throw my $ag on the *loor& E-/ll $e right $ack.G - say as - close the door $ehind me& Koices carry into my apartment. and when - stick my head out the door. - see Garrett attempting to help guide the deli#ery men down the hallway& - step out o* the way as Garrett enters my place *irst& E@ow/d you get in#ol#ed in this?G - ask him& @e smiles& E- heard a $unch o* #oices. so - thought -/d check it out&G The men work to round the doorway into my place. and - glance $ack at my old lo#eseat and then at Garrett& E>ill you help me sho#e that out o* the way?G ESure&G >e push the lo#eseat o#er. against the $ack wall. so the new couch can *it into the room& -t looks huge compared to what - had& The men put it into place and then remo#e the protecti#e plastic& -t/s a so*t taupe color. o#erstu**ed. with three seats instead o* two& >hen the deli#ery men lea#e my apartment to $ring the TK. - walk o#er and touch the *a$ric& - should ha#e known& -t/s not *a$ric& -t/s leather& E0ice.G Garrett says. mo#ing to stand ne;t to me& EBirthday present?G - shoot him a pu((led look& @e shrugs& E- heard you talking in the hallway with your *riends&G Be*ore - can ask him i* his apartment walls are made o* paper. one o* the deli#ery men reappears with the tele#ision& 4udging *rom the $o;. it/s a "8G )EC *lat,screen& >e mo#e out o* his way as he carries it o#er to my piti*ul entertainment stand. sets it down on the *loor. and goes to work opening the $o;& E>hat are you going to do with your old stu**?G Garrett asks me& - can/t help $ut notice the interest in his #oice& E>ould you like it?G - ask& - know my parents don/t want either item $ack& As a matter o* *act. - think my mother would like to torch the lo#eseat personally& EActually. - would.G Garrett says& E- mo#ed kind o* Duickly. and - don/t ha#e a lot o* stu**&G

EThen it/s yours&G - walk o#er to stand $ehind the armrest o* the lo#eseat& EHou pull. and -/ll push?G @e nods and gra$s hold o* the opposite end& -t takes us a little maneu#ering. $ut we manage to get it into the hallway and down to his apartment& @e opens his door and then pulls on the armrest. walking $ackward& - push on my end until -/m completely o#er the threshold& stand up straight. take in his place. and gasp& There is a$solutely nothing in here& =kay. there/s a wood dining chair& And $ooks& )ots o* $ooks. stacked on top o* each other against the wall in the li#ing area& - eye Garrett& EHou weren/t kidding. were you?G @e shakes his head& ECo you ha#e a $ed at least?G E- ha#e a mattress&G @is apartment is laid out in the mirror image o* mine& - look into the kitchen. and the only thing - see on the counter is an old stainless steel co**ee pot& -t looks like it/s *rom !:62& E-s there anything else you need?G - ask. concerned& E- ha#e all the necessities.G he says& E<oo* o#er my head. running water. clothes on my $ack& >hat more could - want? >ell. $esides a couch and a TK.G he smiles& - *rown& 0ot only does he not ha#e any *amily or *riends. he possesses ne;t to nothing& E)et me go get the TK *or you.G - say and start to lea#e& E-/ll get it&G @e +umps around me& E-t/s pro$a$ly hea#y&G E-/m not that $ig o* a wuss.G - protest. $ut he lea#es out the door anyway& - look around his apartment again and curiosity gets the $etter o* me& - creep down the short hallway to peek into his room& - see a mattress on the *loor. co#ered $y a thin $lanket& @is clothes are neatly *olded and stacked against the walls like the $ooks. separated into piles $y shirts and pants& - turn. and my eye catches the $athroom& -t contains only a towel and a tooth$rush& @e doesn/t e#en ha#e a shower curtain& - return to stand $y the lo#eseat. so he won/t know -/#e $een snooping& - make my mind up immediately& Garrett will $e recei#ing a *ew things courtesy o* me& @e rounds the corner moments later. his arms *ull o* my little tu$e TK& EThe deli#ery guys ha#e something to ask you&G - nod& EHou want me to help you place this thing?G - glance at the couch& E0ope. -/#e got it& Thank you&G E0o pro$lem&G - start to lea#e& E<emem$er. i* you need anything. -/m right ne;t door&G @e smiles as he sets the tele#ision on the *loor& E- remem$er&G - gi#e him a small wa#e good$ye and head $ack to my apartment& ECo you plan on hooking this up to anything other than the CKC player and the ca$le $o;?G the deli#ery man asks& @e has the TK set up on my stand& E#en with it pro+ecting nothing $ut static. it looks like a mo#ie screen compared to my old set& E0o& That/s all -/#e got&G EThen.G he tightens something in the $ack and a crystal,clear picture appears. Ewe/re *inished here&G The other deli#ery man collects the $o; and plastic *rom the tele#ision as they $oth head out the door& EEn+oy your new things&G EThanks&G - shut the door $ehind them and then promptly mo#e to let )B out o* the $edroom& ESorry.G - apologi(e to her& ECome check out this new stu** with me&G - pick her up

and walk o#er to the couch& Tentati#ely. - sit down on the middle cushion and then lean $ack& Carn it i* it isn/t incredi$ly so*t and com*orta$le& - look down at )B and her claws& 'itten claws and leather aren/t a good com$ination& E- take $ack what - said )B& Hou cannot use this as a scratching post&G

A *ew hours later. a*ter -/#e co#ered the couch with two winter $lankets to protect it *rom )B. eaten the le*to#er Chinese takeout. and read the *irst two chapters *or -ntro to Ethics. - sit in the li#ing room holding my cell phone in my hands& - know - should thank Cane *or his generosity. $ut -/m ner#ous& Matt said - shouldn/t contact him& But he contacted me *irst& - sigh and suck it up& - type Thank you and hit send& My phone chimes with a te;t almost immediately& Youre welcome. You like? - smile& Yes. But you shouldnt have done it. hy? !att needs a decent place to sleep when he stays. @e plans on staying more o*ten. does he? "ts too e#pensive - send. $o worries. - pause. thinking o* what to say ne;t& A simple good night would pro$a$ly $e $est& Minutes pass& - can/t possi$ly ask him what - truly want to know. which is ECan you e#er *orgi#e me?G @e te;ts again& "m sorry. -/#e missed our sarcastic $anter& %or sending me a couch? Youre forgiven. Thats not what " meant. - swallow ner#ously& " should be the one apologi&ing. $o. hat happened was because of me. " started it. True. $ut -/m not letting him take all the $lame& " should have stopped it sooner. Li*teen minutes pass& - start to think - won/t hear *rom him again and set my phone down& -t chimes against the ta$le& %riends? >hy do - *eel like this is a loaded Duestion? =n one hand. - *eel relie#ed& But as the relie* sinks in. my heart starts to ache a little& - still lo#e 4ames. $ut - also care a$out Cane more than - should& >ould it $e the $est idea to remain *riends with him? >ill this hurt $oth o* us in the long run? Cepending on my response. - could open a door or end e#erything right now& %riends - con*irm and hit send& - should really stop asking mysel* Duestions - already know the answers to&

=ut o* a deep sleep. - +olt awake& - glance at the clockA it/s a*ter midnight& - look down to see )B curled $y my side& - try to change position without distur$ing her. $ut it doesn/t work& She gets up and stretches. then turns around and lies $ack down& - shi*t to my side. hug my pillow. and close my eyes& Suddenly. the dream - was ha#ing returns to me& - was with Garrett& >e were in a really $right place. almost like we were standing in a ray o* light& The ground looked so*t. $ut it wasn/t& - know this $ecause. as we walked together. - *elt no spring under my *eet& >here#er we were *elt really warm. like a summer day. $ut not hot and sticky& @e was e;plaining something to me and gesturing with his hands. $ut - don/t recall the con#ersation& As we walked. we passed other people. and - got distracted& The other people

would nod and smile at me& - couldn/t help $ut notice they all had the same color eyes as GarrettA that odd turDuoise $lue color& - remem$er looking at him. con*used. and asking *or an e;planation& >e stopped walking. and he asked i* - trusted him& - told him yes& @e placed his hands on my head andI - woke up& That/s it& The reiki& - didn/t get a chance to in#estigate that& - try to go $ack to sleep *or o#er an hour& )B gets mad at my changing positions and decides to lea#e me. curling up on the *loor $y the air #ent instead& >hen two a&m& hits. - gi#e up& crawl out o* $ed. gra$ my laptop. crawl $ack into $ed. and start researching reiki& - *ind plenty o* in*ormation on the topic. and the description sounds similar to what Garrett did. $ut it doesn/t e;actly *it& >hat he did seemed supernatural& - try searching *or similar things. typing in Erelie#ing headaches $y touchG and Emo#ing pain through the $ody&G - read article a*ter article. and many are in regard to homeopathic medicine& - e#en search *or *irst, hand accounts o* something similar& 0othing matches& - *inally grow tired. and my eyes start to hurt *rom reading the computer screen in the dark& - turn o** my laptop and set in on the *loor& So much *or that research& -/ll +ust ha#e to ask Garrett more Duestions a$out his EreikiG when - see him again& - scoot down under my co#ers and close my eyes& -/m relie#ed my *irst class doesn/t start until ele#en tomorrow morning& My thoughts turn to Cane and what happened today& Things started out pretty terri$le with my 4ames episode. $ut the day ended on a high note& -/m grate*ul *or the things - ha#e& inad#ertently think o* Garrett. who has nothing& - *eel really $ad *or him& - start to make a mental list o* things - could get *or him& A shower curtain& A com*orter or at least a hea#ier $lanket& Sheets& May$e towels& - shake my head into my pillow& @ow could he ha#e none o* these things? @e looks to $e my age& >hat would ha#e made him lea#e his home so suddenly? My eyes snap open& May$e he does ha#e weird powers. hence the reiki e;cuse. and he was cast out& Shunned& @e said he came *rom a small town& May$e his powers were re#ealed. and they wanted to e;periment on him medically. so he ran away& =r may$e he/s a psychic& That would e;plain how he knew - +ust had a $irthday. and that Matt was Shel/s $oy*riend& -/m not sure - $uy his de*ense o* E- o#erheard you talking&G =r may$e he/s ill& @e does *eel e;tremely coldA may$e he has some rare disease and is seeking alternati#e medicines& That would e;plain all the $ooks& >hen he *elt my *orehead this morning. his hand was *ree(ing& -/#e ne#er *elt anyone that cold e;cept *or 4ames& E4ames.G - whisper in dis$elie* and sit upright& >as my *irst instinct correct? Could my neigh$or Garrett and 4ames/ Garrett $e one and the same? 0o. not possi$le& Garrett is human. not a Guardian& @is hands don/t pass through o$+ectsA he can physically mo#e hea#y things& @e drinks co**ee& @e goes to college& And i* Garrett were hanging around me. wouldn/t 4ames ha#e shown up with some sort o* an e;planation? - lie $ack down. mulling things o#er& Garrett seems nice enough& - wonder what his real story is& - don/t *eel an inkling o* danger when -/m around him& 4ames would let me know to $e cautious $ecause that/s what Guardians do& May$e all Garrett needs is someone to talk to. and ha#e plenty o* time on my hands& -/m curious& - can/t help it& -t looks like the uni#erse +ust handed me a ho$$y&

Chapter 4
My instructors aren/t playing this semester& Business Stats and Analytical Loundations were $rutal yesterday. and it was only the *irst session o* each& Communications in Business looks to $e my easiest class. with -ntro to Ethics somewhere in $etween& - chalk my struggle with them up to the *act that -/m still tired *rom spending all o* Tuesday night contemplating Garrett& - hope to ask him to lunch today a*ter Ethics. in an e**ort to get some o* my Duestions answered& - immediately spot him when - enter the classroom and take a seat $eside him& EGood morning.G he says& EGood morning& @ow/s my couch treating you?G EGreat& Thank you again&G EHou/re welcome&G As - dig through my $ag - ask. ECo you want to get some lunch a*ter class?G @e raises an eye$row like he/s surprised - suggested it& E- ha#e Management until two& -s a late lunch okay?G - nod& E>here do you want to go?G E-/ll cook.G he says& - must look con*used. $ecause he *ollows with. E- do own a pan or two&G TouchQ& EShould - $ring the plates then?G @e smiles& E0o& But you might want to $ring a ta$le&G >e laugh as Ms& 4ohnson appears at the *ront o* room& She sets a stack o* papers on her desk and $rings us all to attention& Today/s lecture will $e on the ri#eting topic o* Aristotle/s de*ection *rom the teachings o* 2lato&

Garrett told me to show up any time a*ter three& - *inished an assignment *or Stats. and now -/m wasting time $y playing with )B on my $ed& - ha#e a mental list o* Duestions compiled *or him& - hope - can $e su$tle& @is li*e is his $usiness& >hy should he share it with me? My phone chimes. and - reach *or it on the nightstand. still trailing a piece o* yarn *or )B to catch& There/s a te;t *rom Shel& How are you en'oying your birthday presents? - see my e;tra#agant gi*ts ha#e come up in con#ersation& - drop the yarn and decide to $e *acetious& "m playing with (B right now. )n'oying it very much. Haha. " know about *ane. *uh. hy didnt you tell me? +lasses are rough. "ll say. - look at the clock& -t/s ten a*ter three& Having a late lunch with a friend. +all you later. ,nyone " know? !y neighbor- .arrett.

- set the phone down and gi#e )B a good ru$$ing with $oth hands& ESee you in a little $it.G tell her& - pick up my cell and my keys. and head toward the *ront door& My phone goes o** again& ???? - roll my eyes at Shel& - know what she/s thinking& - Duickly type "ts not like that and hit send& - look at my phone and decide - don/t need to $ring it with me& - set it on the couch and head out& >hen - approach Garrett/s door. - can smell whate#er it is he/s cooking and my stomach growls& -t smells delicious& - knock and hear him shout. E-ts openFG >hen - enter the apartment - *ind him in the kitchen. $ent o#er a large pot on the sto#e. stirring& E- thought you said you owned a pan?G @e looks o#er his shoulder at me and smirks& E- own a pot. too&G E>hat are we ha#ing? -t smells ama(ing&G ELennel soup.G he says& EE#er had it?G - shake my head no& Garrett mo#es to open the o#en door and check what/s $aking there& *eel like he/s doing too much& ECan - help with anything? -/m the one who in#ited you to lunch&G @e closes the o#en door& E-t/s not a $ig deal& Besides. - owe you *or the couch and the tele#ision&G @e resumes stirring the soup& EThere are two $owls around here somewhere& Can you *ind them?G - nod and mo#e inside the kitchen. opening the *irst ca$inet - see& -t/s empty& - try the ne;t& -t/s empty as well& - step around him to the ne;t ca$inet& Ah ha& There they are& Two white $owls& - gra$ them and set them to the right o* the sto#e. $ecause the le*t side appears to $e co#ered in *lour& E>e ha#e a couple minutes le*t on the $iscuits.G he says and turns the sto#e $urner down to simmer& EBiscuits?G ELrom scratch& Southern style&G -/m ma+orly impressed& My $est dish is a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich& ECo you cook like this o*ten?G @e shrugs& E- make all o* my *ood& - wasn/t a$le to cook where - was staying $e*ore&G - lean against the counter& E>here did you learn?G EA little *rom my granny $ack home& But most o* it - picked up *rom the army&G @e gi#es me a wry smile& E- was a *ield cook&G EArmy? @ow old are you?G @e opens the o#en door. $ends down to check the $iscuits again. and sighs& E=lder than you think&G - look at him and determine that he couldn/t $e any older than 26& @ow long does it take *or someone to ser#e their term and get discharged *rom the army? EThese look a$out done.G he says and opens the o#en door completely& @e reaches *or the hot cake pan without an o#en mitt. gra$$ing it with his $are hand& ECon/tFG @e looks at me con*used as he pulls it *rom o* the o#en& @e sets it on the sto#e& ECon/t what?G - look at him incredulously and gra$ his hand& -t *eels *ro(en as - turn it o#er& @e/s not $urned at all& E@ow did you not $urn yoursel*?G

@e snatches his hand out o* my grasp& EAhIG @e a#oids my eyes and picks up the spoon to start stirring the soup again& @e stares at the pot& E- used to gra$ hot things all time while - was out in the *ield& My ner#es are shot&G - *rown at him& @e e;pects me to $elie#e that? - mean. it is $elie#a$le. $ut it doesn/t e;plain how there is no mark on his skin& @e turns o** the $urner& E)et/s eat&G @e picks up the pot $y $oth handles and care*ully pours the soup into each $owl. not spilling a drop& -* - had tried this. - would ha#e $een wearing the soup *or sure& E>hat is *ennel?G - ask& E-t/s a #egeta$le& -t looks like a *eathery plant a$o#e the ground. $ut we/re eating the $ul$&G @e sets the pot $ack on the sto#e& All right& -/ll take his word *or it& @e pulls a $iscuit *rom o* the pan& E- usually crum$le these o#er the top.G he says& E>ould you like yours separate?G - pick up a soup $owl and hold it out to him& ECrum$le away&G @e mashes the $iscuit o#er my $owl and then does the same to his& EThis way&G @e starts to walk out o* the kitchen& EHou/ll ha#e to sit on your old couch to eat&G - *ollow him& EThat/s okay& -/#e missed her&G @e looks $ack at me& E<eally? >ith that Cadillac sitting in your *ront room?G Lront room? @e sounds like my grandmother& - laugh& E- was kidding&G - make my way to sit down& @e must ha#e hit up a garage sale in the last day or two. $ecause a small ta$le stands in *ront o* the couch& - take a seat. and Garrett sits on the *loor& E=h&G @e stands $ack up& E- guess we need spoons&G @e lea#es the room and reappears moments later with two spoons& @unger takes o#er. and - taste the soup& - was e;pecting a #egeta$le *la#or. like potato. $ut it/s surprisingly sweet& EThis is really good.G - compliment him& @e nods& - want him to *eel com*orta$le around me. so he will open up a$out himsel*& - already *ound out a couple tid$its in the short time -/#e $een hereB he ser#ed in the army. and he can touch hot things without $eing $urned& -/m starting to suspect he may $e a military prototype. like Captain America& Trying to appear casual. - li*t my spoon and lick the $ack o* it& E- was researching reiki the other night& -t/s *unnyA nothing - could *ind came close to what you did the other day&G @e smiles& E- knew there was a reason you asked me to lunch&G E>ell. you did $last a trauma,induced headache *rom my $ody&G ETrauma,induced?G >hoops& - don/t want him to think -/m nuts& - resume eating& Minutes pass in silence. and Garrett *inishes his soup *irst& @e sets the $owl on the ta$le and looks at me e;pectantly& E>ell?G E>ell what?G ECo you want to talk a$out your trauma?G - gi#e him a resigned look& E0ot really& - want to talk a$out your reiki&G @e tilts his head and regards me *or a moment& E-/ll tell you i* you tell me&G - set my $owl on the ta$le& -/m dying to know what/s up with him. so - concede& E- lost someone recently& My $oy*riend& @eIhe died&G

This doesn/t seem to *a(e him& E)i*e can $e di**icult when you lose someone you lo#e.G he says& E-t really hit you hard the other day. didn/t it?G My shoulders sag& EHes&G EHou know.G he says matter,o*,*actly and shi*ts his weight on the *loor. Ethe connection $etween the human world and the spiritual world is #ery strong& -/m sure your $oy*riend watches o#er you today&G @e/s doesn/t know how right he is& @e sounds like some sort o* medicine man& E>hat are you? Some sort o* shaman?G @is eyes light up and he chuckles& E- can/t $elie#e you guessed that& The answer is yes& 'ind o*&G E'ind o*?G E>e/ll +ust say -/m a shaman& -t/s easier&G - look at him suspiciously& EHou/re not going to tell me a$out the reiki. are you?G E- +ust told you what - was.G he says& E>hat more do you need to know?G

-t turns out Garrett is #ery good at a#oiding the topic o* himsel*& As the late a*ternoon turned into e#ening. he managed to turn e#ery Duestion - asked o* him $ack on to me& E#entually. he tried to distract me $y teaching me to play poker& - was asking him some Duestions a$out the army. and he went o** on a tangent a$out what they used to do to pass the time in the *ield $etween missions& - told him - was a horri$le liar. so poker pro$a$ly wouldn/t $e the $est game *or me& @e insisted that learning it would impro#e my lying a$ilities and pulled a tattered deck o* cards *rom his $edroom& >e snacked on the remaining $iscuits *or dinner and. $y eight o/clock. - was still con*using a straight with a straight *lush& That/s when we decided to call it a night with the promise o* *uture lessons& A*ter pulling on my pa+amas. - plop down on my couch to think a$out today& - still ha#e a million unanswered Duestions& >hen - sit. - land on my phone& E=w.G - say to )B. who has +umped up to $e scratched& - pull the phone *rom $eneath my tush and see that - ha#e missed te;t messages& - tap the *irst alert& How was lunch? -t/s *rom Shel& 0e;t message& ,re you still out? 0e;t message& Te#t me when youre done. "m curious. There/s a shocker& - reply to Shel& Hey. "m home. - a$sentmindedly pet )B as - wait *or her to respond $ack& - think a$out Garrett& @ow can *ind out how he $ecame a shaman? )B $umps my hand with her head. and - drop the phone& E)BFG - pick the phone up o** the *loor& A*ter a *ew minutes. when Shel doesn/t respond. - te;t her again& (unch was fun. .arrett gave me a poker lesson. "m not very good. My phone #i$rates& /oker? You should stick to +ra&y 0s. - smile& *ont " know it. So whos this .arrett? Good Duestion& Hes my neighbor. ,nd a classmate. ,nd a mystery. 1ooo. Sounds se#y.

- laugh& @e may $e cute. $ut he/s not se;y& 2m- " dont think so. Take a picture and let me 'udge. Sarcastically. - respond "ll get right on that. hat? You dont think " can 'udge another mans se#iness? - roll my eyes& "m sure you can. So why wont you send me a picture? >hy does she want to see Garrett so $ad? Because hes not hot. ,nd how would " e#plain taking his picture? Tell him its for research. - sigh& "m not taking his picture. " think youre hiding something. >hat? " am not3 Then why wont you let me see him? >hat is the point o* this? Because. "m 'ust curious. hat color hair does he have? Brown. )yes? Tur4uoise. Youre lying. ,m not. He sounds dreamy. This is ridiculous& ,re you high? "m telling !att3 hy would !att care if "m high? )ord. help me& .arrett is a friend. Thats all. Be careful. e all know what you do with your male friends. -s she re*erring to Cane? 5ude much? "t was supposed to be funny. "ts not. "t should never have happened. " bet you think about it though. - decide to con*ess& " do. -t/s the truth& - can con*ide in Shel& How often do you think about it? >hy does she want to know this? , lot. (ike every night? $o3 But a lot. My phone goes silent *or a minute& >hat is up with her tonight? - contemplate actually calling her& My phone #i$rates again& So do you think "m hot? >hat in the world? She/s acting all kinds o* cra(y& - shake my head and decide to play along& Yes. 6ery. 5eally? " think youre hot too. =kay& This has gone *ar enough& ,re you psychotic Shel? " was kidding. hy would " think youre hot??? Shel? This is *ane. =h my God& ,re you kidding me? $ope.

- scroll $ack through our con#ersation and $lood rushes to my *ace& The screen must ha#e +umped to a thread with Cane when )B knocked the phone on the *loorF @oly em$arrassmentF - +ust con*essed - think a$out us a lot& Hello? - panic& " have to go. 1f course you do. @e knows -/m running away *rom the con#ersation& - send him one last message& "ll talk to you later. .ood night. - *lop down on my side and close my eyes& My phone #i$rates in my hand. and - peek at it& %or what its worth- " think about it a lot too.

Chapter 5
- spend the ne;t week alone. thinking a$out Cane. contemplating Garrett. and missing 4ames& =n top o* homework. - tried to get in touch with Shel a *ew times. $ut she started #olunteering at a local hospital and her hours are all o#er the place& >hen -/m asleep. she/s awake& >hen -/m awake. she/s sleeping& @er aspirations are much higher than mine& She wants to $e a doctor& - did manage to talk to her once. $rie*ly. a*ter the Cane te;t de$acle& She thought it was hilarious and a step in the right direction& Me. not so much& - know she hopes that. one day. Cane and - will permanently make it past the *riend/s stage& -t/s no secret how much she likes him& - wish - could tell her a$out 4ames $eing my Guardian and how di**icult it is *or me to know that he is tied to my e#ery mo#eA how he can see what -/m doing& - still *eel sick when think a$out him watching my momentary indiscretion with Cane this past summer& <egardless o* his limitations in lo#ing me. my heart suspects that is the real reason 4ames has stayed away *or so long& - don/t dou$t that he *eels like - cheated on him& - *eel that way. too& )ately. though. the logical side o* my $rain speaks up. and asks me i* - plan to stop li#ing all together& -/#e got a good si;ty years or so le*t. - hope& That/s a long time to $e alone. to get o#er my guilt. and spare 4ames his *eelings& >ould he really $egrudge me any *uture relationship with Cane? >ith anyone? 4ames once asked me i* - could resign mysel* to a li*etime o* solitude. to $e known only as the cra(y old cat lady& At the time - thought - could. $ecause he would $e a$le to #isit me& 0ow. a*ter spending these last *ew weeks #irtually alone. a li*etime o* solitude sounds a$out as appealing as swallowing nails& @ow much am - willing to sacri*ice to assuage my guilt? 4ames is my Guardian& @e can no longer lo#e me no matter how much - lo#e him& - can no longer release him *rom his Guardianship when - die $ecause - am his >ard& Am - willing to sacri*ice happiness in this li*etime and eternity as well? - look at )B and sigh& -t looks like - may ha#e my answer& -/#e already started my cra(y old cat lady collection o* *elines& May$e - should get a rocking chair and start learning to knit too&

EThanks *or your help&G E0o. thank you.G - say as - stand& - watch Garrett pile his te;t$ook on top o* his notes& EThis class is going to kill me&G @e laughs& E>ell. 4ohnson is going to kill me&G By the end o* the second week o* classes. it was apparent that - would need some outside Stats help& - mentioned looking *or a tutor. and Garrett told me that he had no pro$lem with Stats at his pre#ious school& @e was. on the other hand. ha#ing a hard time *ollowing Ms& 4ohnson/s train o* thought in Ethics& @e recei#ed a C on his *irst essay while - recei#ed an A& >e agreed to trade tutorial ser#ices on Lridays. since neither o* us ha#e anything $etter to do& 2lus. - thought it would $e a con#enient opportunity to learn more a$out him& Jn*ortunately. today/s session le*t little room *or other topics& Garrett heads toward my apartment door& ESame time ne;t week?G EA$solutely&G

@e opens the door to lea#e as - $end down to gra$ )B $e*ore she sprints outside& E@a#e any plans this weekend?G he asks me& - stand and shake my head& E-/m not much o* a socialite&G @e smiles& EMe either&G @e walks outside& E@a#e a nice weekend&G EThanks& Hou too&G - shut the door and li*t )B up to look her in the eyes& E-t/s +ust us kid& >hate#er shall we do?G - eye my scattered notes and te;t$ook and decide to clean them up& As - stack e#erything neatly. - see that Garrett le*t a *ew papers& @e/ll pro$a$ly need those& - pick them up and head toward the door and stop& >aitF There are a lot o* things he needsI - spend the a*ternoon shopping& >orking at Bay >oods this past summer $uilt up my sa#ings. and -/#e $arely dented it since -/#e $een away *rom home& - pick up some essentials *or GarrettB *or the $athroom. a shower curtain and a set o* towels& Lor the kitchen. an o#en mitt and a set o* *our plates with matching glassware& - also manage to *ind a plain. na#y $lue com*orter on clearance *or hal* o** and a $undle o* plastic hangers *or a dollar& As - carry my purchases to my car. - *ind mysel* smiling& 0ot only does it *eel great to help out a *riend. $ut actually *eel like - accomplished something worthwhile with my time& 0ow. all - ha#e to do is get him to accept my gi*ts& As - dri#e home. - sing along with the radio& -t/s $een a long time since -/#e *elt this good& pull into the parking area *or my $uilding. gra$ the two large plastic $ags out o* my trunk. and hum my way to the *ront door& >hen - get there. - stop at my mail$o; and head inside& E=h no. you don/t.G - admonish )B when - open my apartment door& - $lock her e;it with one o* the $ags& EStop trying to sneak outFG E#er since she managed to get into the hallway the other day. this has $ecome one o* her *a#orite games& E#ery time the door opens she tries to escape& - press my $ack against the door to shut it while $locking her with the $ag and my *eet& ECo - ha#e to ground you?G - ask her& - set the $ags against the wall and head to the kitchen. tossing the mail and my keys on the counter& - open the *ridge. *ind a $ottle o* water. and take a drink& )B comes in and ru$s hersel* against my leg. as i* to apologi(e *or her antics& - crouch down to pet her& EHou/re *orgi#en you little stinker&G She ru$s hersel* against my hand and the $ottle. and purrs while - scratch $ehind her ears& ECo you want to come with me to gi#e Garrett his gi*ts?G - ask her& E>ill that make you happy?G She lets out a tiny meow. and - laugh& EAre you talking $ack to me now?G She doesn/t answerA she +ust stares at me with her $ig copper eyes& - pick her up. kiss her. and set her $ack down again& Standing. - decide to sort through my meager mail& There/s a $ill *rom the ca$le company and a postcard ad#ertising discounted )aundromat ser#ices& - *rown as - pick up the third item& -t/s a plain white en#elope with my name printed neatly on the outside& There/s no return address& - tear it open and pull out a *olded newspaper article& -t/s *rom my hometown paper& Local Student Returns rom A!road Says Environmental Conservation Has ever !een "ore Im#ortant 0ot many people will e#er e;perience what Teagan Meyer has& Teagan. a 2 7 graduate o* )ake Lenton @igh School. has returned home a*ter spending nearly a year and a hal* o#erseas researching the Ama(on 4ungle&

Jpon graduating *rom >ayne State Jni#ersity with a degree in En#ironmental Science. Ms& Meyer competed *or a spot on a ten,man conser#ation team created to conduct research and e#aluate the state o* the world/s most *amous rain*orest& =* $eing selected out o* the more than :. applicants. Ms& Meyer says the *eeling was Eindescri$a$leG and Ea dream come true&G Sponsored $y educational grant dollars and headed $y the >orld >ildli*e Lederation. the conser#ation team migrated through the countries o* Bra(il. 2eru. and Boli#ia recording the impact o* de*orestation in the area& EThe rain*orest and *resh water systems o* the Ama(on are incredi$ly *ragile.G says Meyer& EThe countries that contain the Ama(on are rapidly e;panding& >ithout properly planning the creation o* roads and dams. not only are animal species threatened $ut the li#elihood o* *armers and *ishermen& That/s on top o* the catastrophic e**ect that de*orestation has on the glo$al climate&G Ms& Meyer hopes to $ring her e;perience and knowledge to local groups and schools in the area. in order to a**ect change& EE#ery generation needs to know how important the rain*orest is on a glo$al scale.G she says& E>e can all make a di**erence&G >hile she says she wouldn/t trade her time in South America *or the world. Ms& Meyer admits that she en+oys $eing $ack home and the amenities she le*t $ehind& She tells us she plans to spend some down time with her *amily and *iancQ $e*ore launching an awareness program $ased on her tra#els& E-t will $e nice to *inally get the wedding plans under way.G she says& Teagan is the daughter o* )uke and Susan Meyer. prominent community mem$ers and owners o* )egionnaire. a local ad#ertising company& Teagan is engaged to Cane >alker. son o* Charles and )ily >alker. owners o* the Bay >oods Gol* Course& - must read the last sentence o* the article *i#e or si; times $e*ore my shaking hands make it impossi$le to continue& The clipping *lutters *rom my *ingers. and - melt to the kitchen *loor. stunned& My emotions $etray me as the news o* Cane/s engagement $rings out *eelings -/#e $een trying so hard to repress& >e can ne#er $e more than *riends& E#er& My $rain screams. $!ut isn%t that &hat you &anted'( The tears that trail down my *ace answer that Duestion& )B comes to *ind me. ru$$ing against my knee& She knows -/m upset& - pick her up and hold her to my chest in an attempt to keep my heart in one piece& -t/s doesn/t work& - can still *eel it $reak&

-t doesn/t take long *or my sadness to turn into anger& Setting )B down. - wipe the tears *rom my cheeks& - pick mysel* up and walk into the li#ing room. toward the couch& - rip o** the $lankets that - had protecti#ely wrapped around it and throw them on the *loor& My eyes *ind )B& E@a#e at it&G - walk into the $athroom and stare at mysel* in the mirror& My eyes are pu**y. and my *ace is co#ered in red splotches& - try to process what -/#e +ust learned thanks to M thanks to whom? >ho sent the article? =$#iously not Matt or ShelA they would ha#e told me something this huge in person& >as it Cane? -s this his way o* letting me know? @e couldn/t man up and tell me *ace to *ace. or at least o#er the phone? >hat a cowardF =* all the low. sel*ish. and inconsiderate things to doF - thought he cared a$out me& At least he acted like he did& >asn/t he +ust *lirting with me o#er te;t messages?

- turn on the *aucet and watch the water run down the drain& 0ot only is Cane engaged to the smart. pro$a$ly $eauti*ul. world,sa#ing Teagan. the company he works *or is owned $y his *iancQes parentsF >hy did he e#en pretend to care a$out me i* he was in lo#e with someone else? @ere - am $eating mysel* up o#er what happened $etween us when he had a li#ing. $reathing girl*riend all along& >e almost slept togetherF =h God& - close my eyes& 0ow - can add Eother womanG to my list o* *aults& My reputation grows closer to what Mrs& Ca#is. 4ames/ mother. thinks o* me& She called me a whore once& May$e she was on to something& Tears threaten again. and as - stare at mysel* in the mirror. - make a pact with my re*lection& -/m not going to $ury mysel* in a gra#e o* sel*,loathing o#er this& - had no idea he was engaged& A*ter - splash some water on my *ace. - walk $ack out to the li#ing room and see )B has curled up to sleep on the $lankets instead o* clawing the couch to pieces& - eye Cane/s gi*ts and scowl& - don/t want them anymore. $ut - know someone who might& >alking o#er to the tele#ision. - Duickly disconnect the ca$le wires and AK cords& - attempt to pick up the TK and *ind that it/s light. $ut awkward to hold& - set it $ack down and head to Garrett/s apartment. knocking loudly on his door& EHes?G he asks when he appears in the doorway& E- need my old stu** $ack&G @e looks wounded& E=h& >ellIall right&G @e turns to look at my old lo#eseat and tele#ision. which is turned on& E-t/ll +ust take a second to disconnectIG E- want you to take my new stu**.G - add hastily& E-n trade&G - don/t want him to think -/#e suddenly turned into a raging witch& @is eyes widen in surprise& EHou don/t want the Cadillac?G - cross my arms& E0ot anymore&G @e takes a minute to assess me and notices -/#e $een crying& EAre you okay?G E2er*ect.G - say a $it too harshly& ECome on&G @e *ollows me to my place. and we walk o#er to the tele#ision& EHou take one end. and -/ll take the other&G @e gra$s one side& EAre you sure you don/t want this?G - look him in the eye& EA$solutely&G >e carry the *lat screen o#er to his apartment and set it on the *loor& Garrett collects my old tu$e tele#ision and starts to carry it out the door. $ut stops& EHou/re sure?G he asks me again& EHesFG - *ollow him $ack down the hallway and then reach around him to open my door& >e walk across the room again. and )B looks up at us annoyed& >e/re interrupting her nap& Garrett works to reconnect the ca$les& ESo. what happened?G - shake my head& E- wouldn/t want to $ore you with the details&G ETry me&G 4ust then we hear a knock& - look at Garrett con*used. and he shrugs& - mo#e to open the door and *ind Samantha and Todd. our neigh$ors *rom upstairs. standing in the hallway& E@iFG Samantha grins at me. all perky and $londe and made,up& E@ey.G - try to smile at them& - pray that my red splotches ha#e disappeared $y now& E>e ha#en/t seen you in awhile.G she says and looks past me& She notices Garrett& E=h good. we can in#ite him too.G she tells Todd& E>hat/s up?G - ask&

E>e wanted to know i* e#eryone wanted to hang out.G Todd says& E>e all li#e together. $ut we hardly know each other& 4essica/s in&G 4essica is our other neigh$or upstairs& E@ow a$out you guys?G - look at the two o* them& - remem$er when - *irst mo#ed in and met them& - thought then that they appeared to $e the typical sorority,*raternity typeA you know. homecoming royalty. social $utter*lies& -t seems - was right& - glance $ack at Garrett with my eye$rows raised. silently asking yes or no' E- think that/s a great idea.G Garrett says enthusiastically. surprising me& @e walks o#er to us& E>hat did you guys ha#e in mind?G E>e/re heading to >ayside.G Samantha says& She looks me up and down& EMeet you there in. say. an hour?G -* she/s e;pecting me to get more dressed up than this. she/s sadly mistaken& - eye what she/s wearing. and she/s all dolled up in a small,little,white,tank,top and skintight +eans& -/#e $een to >ayside on se#eral occasionsA it/s a $ig place with se#eral $ars. a large dance *loor. and a huge game room& - can $lend in easily without needing to dress cute. especially on a Lriday night& - look at Garrett and shrug& E>e/ll meet you there.G he says with a smile& EGreat.G Todd says& E>e/ll hang around the entrance until you guys show up&G EByeFG Samantha wiggles her *ingers at us o#er her shoulder as they lea#e& - close the door and look at Garrett& E>hat?G he asks& E- thought you weren/t a socialite?G ECan you $lame me *or wanting to get out once and awhile?G E0o&G Actually. -/d like to get out once in awhile& - need to get out. especially a*ter my recent disco#ery& EMeet you at your place in *i*teen?G @e smiles& ESure thing&G

)ess than an hour later. Garrett and - arri#e at >ayside& - ended up changing clothes $e*ore we le*t a*ter all. $ut my out*it is a *ar cry *rom Samantha/s painted on one& - made sure the remnants o* my tears were gone. threw on some lip gloss. pulled a com$ through my hair. kissed )B. and out the door - went& The $ar is packed& At *irst. we ha#e a hard time locating Samantha and Todd& >e *inally *ind them standing $y the $ar. not the entrance. with 4essica& She wa#es e;citedly at us. and can/t help $ut notice how cute she looks. all *i#e *eet o* her. with her $rown hair meticulously curled& - instantly *eel a pang o* regret *or not taking a longer time with my appearance& Both girls appear to $e looking *or a night out on the town& - +ust wanted to lea#e my apartment& E@i guysFG Samantha greets us& She turns toward the $ar. gra$s something. and turns $ack toward us& She/s holding a shot glass in each hand& ELor you&G She hands one to Garrett and then one to me& - notice 4essica and Todd are already holding theirs& ETo new neigh$orsFG Todd says and raises his glass& Ah& Bar$ie and 'en like to party& - should ha#e guessed&

ETo new neigh$orsFG >e clink our glasses and throw $ack the shots& - try to keep my composure as the liDuor $urns its way down my throat& >hat was that? Samantha. Todd. and 4essica slam their glasses down on the $ar& - look at Garrett and make a *ace at my glass& E>hiskey.G he answers my Duestion& =uch& My throat $urns& E<emind me not to do that again.G - whisper. and he laughs& 4essica spies an empty ta$le $etween the dance *loor and the $ar& E-/m going to claim that $e*ore someone else does.G she says and heads o#er& - *ollow her& The ta$le has a good #iew o* the dance *loor. and - sit on the end. so - can people watch without ha#ing to look o#er heads& Garrett sits $etween 4essica and -A Samantha and Todd take seats across *rom us& ESo.G Todd says. simultaneously snapping his *ingers at a passing waitress. Ehow/s e#eryone en+oying our hum$le a$ode?G EMy apartment is great.G 4essica pipes up *rom $eside Garrett. Easide *rom the paper thin walls&G She eyes Samantha and Todd pointedly& E<eally? Three a&m&? Every Saturday?G -/m surprised $y 4essica/s $oldness& She/s such a little thing& - look at Todd and Samantha *or their reaction. e;pecting them to $e em$arrassed& -nstead. it/s +ust the opposite& They show no signs o* remorse& Todd smirks& E-/ll $uy you some ear plugs *or Christmas&G - look at Garrett. my eye$rows raised. and he looks at me with the same e;pression& >hat is up with these two? -/m immediately grate*ul - li#e on the $ottom *loor& The waitress stops $y our ta$le& E>hat/ll it $e?G Todd de*ers to me *irst& E0othing& >ait. water. please.G - order& E#eryone $ut Garrett looks at me with a pu((led e;pression& Todd mo#es on to Garrett. who orders a $eer. 4essica gets a Lu((y 0a#el. Samantha orders a Cosmopolitan. and Todd gets a 4ack and Coke& EHou don/t drink?G Samantha asks me. like it/s a tragedy& E0ot #ery o*ten.G - shrug& She turns her attention to Garrett& E- can/t help $ut notice your eyes.G she says in a *lirty tone& E>here do you get your color contacts? - get mine online&G - study her eyes& =$#iously they are not naturally $lue& My ga(e *alls to her chest& -/m starting to dou$t that/s real as well& Garrett smiles& E- don/t wear contacts&G E)eally'G Samantha looks impressed& EHou must ha#e some ama(ing genes& Coes that color run in your *amily?G Garrett shakes his head& E0ope& -/m the lucky one&G E- $et your kids will ha#e that color.G 4essica says. +oining the con#ersation& - notice the dreamy e;pression on her *ace as she looks at Garrett& Coes she ha#e a thing *or him? Todd snaps his *ingers loudly and points at me& EThat/s where - know you *romFG - look at him con*used& E-/m sorry?G E- knew you looked *amiliar.G he says& @e looks at his girl*riend& ECidn/t - tell you she looked *amiliar?G Samantha nods empathically& EHour 4ames Ca#is/ girl*riend. aren/t you? The guy who died winter semester&G -/m shocked to hear 4ames/ name& -/#e ne#er met Todd $e*ore - mo#ed in a *ew weeks ago& - slowly nod&

E- knew itFG @e slaps the ta$le like he +ust won a $et& E- was at that $on*ire thing this summer *or his $irthday&G ECid you know 4ames?G - ask& - can/t imagine 4ames $eing *riends with someone like Todd& @e/s too arrogant& E0ot personally& - crashed the party with some $uddies o* mine that knew him&G >ell. we can add rude ne;t to arrogant on Todd/s list o* character traits& EHou crashed a party *or someone who died that you didn/t e#en know?G 4essica asks skeptically& EThat/s kind o* low. don/t you think?G - shoot her a grate*ul look *or saying aloud what - was thinking& She gi#es me a smile& E-t was no $iggie.G he shrugs& Samantha leans *orward. her *ake,$lue eyes wide& E-s it true that he was trying to outrun the cops when he crashed?G My *ace twists in irritation& E0o& @e *ell asleep&G E>ell. - heard that he was either high or drunk or $oth& @e had to $e to hit that tree as hard as he did&G EThat/s insane.G - say. agitated& E>here did you hear that?G She shrugs& E>ord gets around& - also heard that he got in a $ig *ight with his girl*riendImean. you. that night&G My heart starts to pound. and - snap. EThat/s none o* your $usiness&G Samantha leans $ack and holds her hands up in *ront o* her likely *ake $reasts& E>hoa& =kay&G My mouth settles into a thin line& - don/t want to make enemies o* my neigh$ors. $ut these two are something else& 0oticing the tension. Garrett interrupts. trying to change the topic& ESo. what do you think a$out the *oot$all team this year?G E=h. heyFG Todd gra$s the arm o* someone walking $y our ta$le& @e seems un*a(ed $y the *act that he/s +ust $een called out as e;tremely rude. and his girl*riend and - almost came to $lows& E@i ToddFG a *emale #oice sDueaks& @e stands up to gi#e this person a hug& She walks around him and hugs Samantha& E@ey. youFG >hen she *aces the rest o* us. - recogni(e her immediately& My chest constricts. and my e;pression hardens& -t/s <e$ecca& The same girl who. at the $irthday $on*ire. accidently told me a$out the time she spent with 4ames M my 4ames M the night he died& 0ow - understand who Todd crashed the party with& This does not impro#e my opinion o* him one $it& E>ho are your *riends?G <e$ecca asks slowly. *ocused on me& EThese are our neigh$ors.G Samantha says. o$li#ious to <e$ecca/s change in demeanor& E4essica. Garrett. and Emma&G She points at each o* us& <e$ecca gi#es us all a tiny smile. $ut she/s still *ocused on me& E0ice to meet you&G @er hands wrap around the arms o* a sweatshirt she has tied around her waist. and her action pulls my attention away *rom her *ace& 4udging $y the way her *ingers clutch the material. it can only $e one thing& 4ames/ hoodie. the one he ga#e her the night he died& Coes she ne#er take it o**? My eyes widen. and - inhale sharply& Garrett notices. gi#ing me a Duestioning look& =ur waitress appears with our drink order. distracting e#eryone& <e$ecca makes a hasty departure. saying good$ye to Samantha and Todd. as the glasses are passed around& The

waitress hands me my water. $ut - stop her $y asking. ECould you $ring me something stronger?G This day has gone *rom $ad to worse. and a little num$ness sounds appealing& ESure& >hat would you like?G - consider her Duestion *or a second& EA )ong -sland -ced Tea&G The waitress nods& E-/ll $e right $ack&G Todd o#erhears my order and nods appro#ingly& E0ow that/s what -/m talking a$outFG

-/#e ne#er $een this drunk in my li*e& The daiDuiris at Matt/s on the Lourth o* 4uly were nothing compared to this& That was giggle drunk& This *eels a little more serious& - downed my *irst )ong -sland Duickly and. with the whiskey shot *rom earlier. - was pleasantly $u((ed and ha#ing a much easier time o* putting up with Todd and Samantha& -t also helped that they le*t the ta$le to grope each other on the dance *loor& To my right. howe#er. did ha#e to listen to 4essica coming on to Garrett *or most o* the night& She wasn/t $eing o#erly o$no;ious though& She/s actually a #ery sweet girl& - ordered another drink *or something to do. and - was hal* way through it when things started to get *u((y& -/m such a lightweight& EE#erything okay?G Garrett mo#es toward me as 4essica lea#es to use the restroom& EJmm hmm&G - $link slowly& E- think she likes you&G @e smiles at me& E>hat/s not to like?G - laugh hard enough to snort. which makes me laugh harder& E-t looks like -/m dri#ing us home.G he says and *inishes the last o* his $eer& >hen the waitress comes $ack to ask i* he wants another. he tells her no& ESo.G he says. Eyou don/t handle stress well&G - pretend to $e shocked and press my hand against my chest& E>hate#er do you mean?G E4ust the thought or the mention o* 4ames pushes you o#er the edge&G E2***tttt&G - play*ully push him away *rom me& E>hat was your *irst clue? My ner#ous $reakdown or.G - pick up my glass. Emy random drunkenness?G - take a drink& EBoth&G - wink at him& E>ell. -/ll tell you what& -* 4ames could lo#e me the way - lo#e him - wouldn/t $e in this state o* which you $ehold me now&G @e smirks& EThat makes a$solutely no sense&G E-t doesFG - say adamantly& Garrett reaches *or my nearly empty glass and takes it away *rom me& E- think you/#e had enough o* this&G @e places it *ar out o* my reach on the ta$le& - cross my arms and pout dramatically. which makes him laugh& EAre you going to tell me what happened today?G he asks& My *ace lights up& EHesFG My #oice is a $it too loud. and - reach *or his arm& @olding on to it with $oth hands. - shake it& E- went shopping and - $ought you all kinds o* good stu** and was singing&G @e looks at me. pu((led& EHou were singing a$out $uying me stu**?G E0o sillyFG - shake my head& -t *eels wo$$ly on my neck and my #ision $lurs& - reach out and gra$ his shoulder to anchor mysel*& E-t made me sing&G Garrett pries my *ingers *rom his shoulder with his *rigid hand& EHou/re stronger than you look&G

- lean in to him conspiratorially& E0ot on the inside.G - whisper and then look around& ECon/t tell any$ody& -t/s a secret&G @e deposits my hand $ack into my lap& My $ody *eels like it/s swaying. like -/m on a $oat in the water& - set my el$ow on the ta$le and then rest my head against my hand& E>hy are you so cold all the time?G - ask& EAre you sick?G E0o. -/m not sick&G @e looks me in the eyes& E-/m healing&G ELrom what?G - ask. o#erly serious& ELrom a li*etime o* ser#itude&G - roll my eyes in an e;aggerated way& E0ow who/s not mandating sense?G EStill you.G he chuckles& - turn and look at the dance *loor& - see 4essica talking with Samantha while Todd has his *ace practically $uried in his girl*riend/s chest& *ross. ECo you think they/re happy?G - ask Garrett& E>ho?G - gesture toward the dance *loor& EThe Samanthas and Todds o* this world&G @e looks past me and grimaces& E- think they/re made *or each other. that/s *or sure&G - sigh and rest my head on my hand again& ECo you think you can *all in lo#e with more than one person at the same time?G Garrett looks surprised& E- don/t know& -/#e ne#er done it&G My eyes grow wide. and - sit up straight& EMe eitherFG - say emphatically& E-/m still in lo#e with 4amesF Hou $elie#e that. don/t you?G @e eyes me. pu((led& ESure& >hate#er you say&G EBut Cane. he/s engaged& EngagedFG - gra$ Garrett/s arm again and whisper. ECo know what that means?G E-t means he/s getting married?G EHesF To some woman named Teagan.G - twist her name in my mouth& E- take it you don/t want him to get married?G - let go o* his arm and mo#e to rest my head against the ta$le& - try to put it down gently. $ut it makes a thud and pain shoots across my *orehead& E0o. - don/tFG - whine& EAnd owFG ECo you lo#e Cane too?G Garrett asks me& - stare at the ta$le& EHes& 0o& - don/t know&G E-t would $e okay to *all in lo#e with someone else.G he says so*tly& E0o. it wouldn/tFG - pull my head o** the ta$le too *ast and when - look at Garrett he has three *aces& E4ames is my GuardianF @e can see meFG Garrett looks around Duickly. as i* making sure no one else heard my out$urst& E>e need to get you home.G he suddenly decides and gra$s my el$ow to help me stand& E>here are your keys?G - pull my keys out o* my pocket and hand them to him& The room starts to spin and my stomach $egins to twist& EShould we tell the others we/re going?G - ask. holding on to the chair *or support& Garrett looks o#er my head& E- don/t think we/ll $e missed&G >e head to the parking lot. and - concentrate on trying not to stum$le& 0ow that -/m standing and mo#ing. - reali(e -/m more drunk than - thought& My world is spinningA - want to get home as *ast as possi$le& - walk as Duickly as - dare in the direction o* my car. not paying

attention to my surroundings& A $laring horn and $linding headlights stop me dead in my tracks& Garrett gra$s me $y my shoulders and yanks me out o* the way as a car passes inches *rom us& EEmmaF GodF Hou were almost hitFG - look at him stupidly as - try to regain my $alance& ESorry.G - mutter& Garrett helps me to my car and places me inside& - close my eyes and rest my head against the passenger side window the entire way home& Thank*ully it/s a short distance $ecause my stomach is #ery unhappy& >hen we get to the apartments. Garrett escorts me to my place& @e helps me inside and starts to deposit me on the couch& The downward motion makes my insides churn& E0oFG - choke out& EBathroomFG @e helps me to the $athroom where - di#e to my knees in *ront o* the toilet& -/m too sick to $e em$arrassed as he holds my hair while - retch& >hen my stomach stops con#ulsing. - lean o#er and rest my head against the cool porcelain o* the $athtu$& E-/ll get you a glass o* water.G he says and lea#es the room& The longer - lie there with my eyes closed. the more the room *eels like it/s standing still again& >hat a horri$le day this has $een& Lirst Cane. then <e$ecca& - almost get run o#er. and then - get sick in *ront o* Garrett& - think a$out crawling into my $edroom on my hands and knees. so - can hide under the $lankets on my $ed& That/s when - hear the #oices& -t takes me a minute to *ocus. $ut - swear - can hear two people talking& - open my eyes and tentati#ely sit *orward& - push mysel* to stand using the toilet *or $alance. and hear someone angrily say. E>here ha#e you $een?G - make it to the $athroom doorway and peer around the corner& E>here ha#e - $een? >here were you tonight? She managed to get hersel* stupid drunk and was almost hit $y a carFG E-/#e $een trying to do what you told me to.G 4ames seethes& E- didn/t tell you to get her killedFG Garrett *ires $ack& - $link my eyes& 4ames is in my li#ing room& And he/s arguing with my neigh$or&

Chapter "
4ames takes a step *orward& E- *elt the pull.G he snaps& EAnd you +ust ignored it?G Garrett asks. shocked& E0oF -t disappeared as Duickly as it cameFG @e mo#es toward Garrett with his *ists clenched& ECan you e;plain that to me? Can you e;plain why that keeps happening?G The two o* them are nose to nose as 4ames sneers. ECan you e;plain why nothing works the way you said it would?G Garrett doesn/t *linch under 4ames/ icy stare& @e crosses his arms& E- thought -/d trained you $etter than this&G EBetter than what?G 4ames steps away. *rustrated& ELrom what -/#e $een told. you $arely trained me at allFG E>ho ha#e you $een talking to?G Garrett asks. narrowing his eyes& 4ames gi#es him a cold smile& E>ouldn/t you like to know&G -/m mesmeri(ed. clinging to the $athroom door +am$ *or support& My neigh$or Garrett was 4ames/ Guardian all along& All along. Garrett nods at 4ames appro#ingly& EHour con*idence has grown&G ECon/t try to *latter me.G 4ames spits& E-/m not under your guidance anymore& - don/t need your appro#al& 0ot a*ter what you/#e done&G Garrett tilts his head& EAnd +ust what ha#e - done?G 4ames/ eyes *lash& EHou disappeared& Hou assigned me and then you disappeared&G EHou were ready&G EHou know - wasn/tFG 4ames growls& EHou le*t Emma/s *ate in the hands o* a Guardian who can/t protect herFG @e *ace ho#ers inches *rom Garrett/s& EAnd *or that - will never *orgi#e you&G Seconds pass and Garrett stares at 4ames accusingly& EHou still lo#e her&G 4ames sets his +aw& E- ne#er stopped&G My $reath catches& These months apart ha#e $een *or nothing? EHou ha#e to get your *eelings under control.G Garrett says& EHou think - don/t know that?G 4ames asks& EThat lesson - did learn&G )B appears at my *eet. meowing so*tly. as i* asking what/s going on& - $end down care*ully to pick her up $e*ore her mewling distracts them. $ut when - stand. -/m too late& Both 4ames and Garrett ha#e directed their attention toward me& E@i.G - say Duietly& - *eel em$arrassed *or ea#esdropping& - make eye contact with 4ames. and his *ace instantly so*tens. his eyes *looding with relie*& Garrett glances $etween the two o* us and sighs& @e walks out o* the li#ing room and into the kitchen as - decide to lea#e the $athroom doorway& - hear the clink o* glass and the sink *aucet turn on as - walk toward 4ames& - stop a *ew steps away *rom him. clutching )B& My pulse accelerates at the sight o* him. his sandy $rown hair *alling hapha(ardly o#er his *orehead. his clear $lue eyes swimming in mine& @is skin still carries a slight pallor. and he/s wearing the same +eans and polo shirt that he always does& Cespite looking the same. he also looks di**erent& @e appears more solid to me. and - can/t help $ut notice that his shirt *its him more tightly across his chest& E>ho/s this?G 4ames asks so*tly. his eyes *licking to )B and then $ack to me& EHou don/t know?G - ask. con*used&

@e looks hurt and shakes his head& E-/#e stayed away&G Garrett returns to the li#ing room. pulling my attention away *rom 4ames& - turn toward him. and he holds out the glass o* water he promised me& Allowing )B to +ump *rom my arms. reach *or it. gi#ing him a small smile o* thanks& 4ust as - wrap my *ingers around the glass. it/s knocked *orce*ully *rom my hand& - +ump $ack in surprise as water *lies e#erywhere. and the glass $ounces o** the carpet& - look at 4ames. shocked $y what he/s done. and he wears a murderous e;pression& @e lunges at Garrett. gra$s his shirt in his *ists. and drags him across the room. slamming his $ack against the wall ne;t to my tele#ision& The sound makes me cringe& E>hy can she see you? @ow does she know you?G 4ames demands through clenched teeth& -/#e ne#er seen 4ames act so #iolent& -t scares me& - take a step $ack. my heart pounding& The only other time -/#e seen him *ight was with 2atrick. and e#en then he didn/t initiate it& @is reaction was in sel*,de*ense& -nstead o* looking scared. Garrett looks impressed& E- see your skills ha#e impro#ed as well&G ETalkFG 4ames shouts& E>e/re neigh$ors.G Garrett says calmly& @e looks una**ected $y the $ody slamA his arms hang loosely $y his sides& E>hat are you trying to pull?G 4ames growls& E0othing&G @e pulls Garrett o** the wall and then slams him $ack against it. making me *linch& ECalm down&G Garrett looks like a parent trying to wait out a two,year,old/s temper tantrum& 4ames stares my neigh$or in the eyes and then releases him. pushing o** his chest roughly& @e turns to me& E@ow do you know him?G E@e mo#ed in when - did.G - whisper& @e turns $ack to Garrett& EThis is where you/#e #anished to? To college? To her?G Garrett steps away *rom the wall& E- came here to keep ta$s on you&G E>hy?G 4ames demands& E>hy not stay in the -ntermediate?G E- had to lea#e.G Garrett says. taking a step toward 4ames& EBecause o* that - had to $e near Emma& - knew i* she was doing well. then you would $e *ul*illing your duty&G EAnd i* she wasn/t?G 4ames snaps& EThen - could step in i* necessary&G - remem$er my lack o* sel*,preser#ation in the parking lot as we le*t the $ar& E)ike tonight.G - say. without thinking& They $oth turn to me. reminded that -/m still in the room& 2ain is written all o#er 4ames/ *ace& @e should ha#e $een the one to help guide my actions tonight. not Garrett& EThis is why.G Garrett says& EThis is why you ha#e to get your emotions under control& Hou/re too angryA you/re trying too hard to let her go& Hou/#e all $ut a$andoned her in your e**ort to stop lo#ing her&G @e crosses his arms& EHou/#e stayed away when you need to $e present&G EHou knew this would $e di**icult *or me.G 4ames says. gritting his teeth& E-/m dealing with it the $est way - know how&G @e turns to *ace his mentor& E>ith no help *rom you&G Garrett gi#es 4ames a stern look& E- trained you to the $est o* my a$ility& -/m sorry couldn/t tell you - had to lea#e& -* you had $een *ul*illing your duty to Emma. you would ha#e known where to *ind me&G

4ames/ eyes *lash at the accusation o* his poor guidance. and he clenches his hands into *ists& EAnd now that -/#e *ound you? 0ow what?G @is e;pression and his reaction *righten me. and - en#ision him punching GarrettIor worse& - take another step $ack and Garrett notices& E>e/ll ha#e to work together.G Garrett says. his eyes lea#ing me and *ocusing on 4ames& ETo protect us $oth&G @e pauses. gi#ing 4ames a hard stare. then sidesteps him and heads *or the door& E>here are you going?G 4ames asks in dis$elie*& ECon/t walk away *rom meF >hat do you mean to protect us $oth?G Garrett ignores him and continues toward the door& 4ames lunges at him again. making me +ump& @e gra$s the $ack o* his shirt and *orces him to turn around& - retreat *urther into the li#ing room. away *rom them. as an;iety continues to creep up my spine& Garrett looks at 4ames and utters one word& EConcentrate&G -t takes a moment. $ut the angry e;pression on 4ames/ *ace slowly changes into one o* deep concern& @is eyes *lash to mine. and he releases Garrett& E-/m sorry.G he apologi(es to me& - look $etween the two o* them& ELor what?G E-/ll let him e;plain it you.G Garrett says& @e mo#es to open the door and steps outside& @is eyes lock on 4ames& E-/ll talk to you a*ter you/#e calmed down&G @e gi#es me a sympathetic look and closes the door $ehind him& 4ames and - stand in silence as my heart$eat returns to its normal rhythm& @is entire $ody rela;es. and he no longer appears upset or angry& @e looks like my 4ames& The one - lo#e& E-/m sorry - scared you.G he says. his #oice *ull o* regret& E-t/s okay&G @e shakes his head& E-t/s not&G Cespite all that/s happened. my heart aches& The only thing - want to do is wrap mysel* around him& To tell him - lo#e him and how much -/#e missed him& To keep him *rom lea#ing& ECan you stay?G @e/s inches *rom me in two strides& EThere/s no place -/d rather $e&G

The changes in 4ames are ama(ing& Be*ore he le*t. he was +ust starting to mo#e light o$+ects. like my hair& But when he lies down $eside me tonight and wraps his arms around my waist. he physically pulls me $ack against his chest& - had assumed he was a$le to manipulate Garrett during their argument $ecause they were $oth Guardians. $ut he can now mo#e me& @e stills *eels cold. $ut his arms are somehow hea#ier& - try to lace my *ingers through his without concentrating and end up with my hand in a *ist& Although - still mo#e through his $ody. the air that is him *eels thicker. like -/m mo#ing through water& There is no resistance to his *orm. yet can *eel more than +ust his temperature& - rela; into him. glancing down in order to lace my *ingers through his again. cupping my hand around the new *eeling that is his skin& E>hat are you thinking?G he murmurs against my hair& EThat - may ha#e died and gone to hea#en&G - can *eel him tense up $ehind me. which is new as well& EThat/s not *unny&G - look at him o#er my shoulder& E-t wasn/t meant to $e&G

@e regards me seriously *or a moment then his *ace rela;es a $it& - release his hands and shi*t mysel* to wrap my arms around his waist& EHou don/t know how much -/#e missed you&G @e holds me tighter& E>hat made you #isit?G - ask& E- sensed danger around you.G he says& EThen it instantly disappeared& - needed to see that you were sa*e&G E-/m glad you came&G @e leans his cheek against the top o* my head& EGarrett/s right& -/#e $een doing a terri$le +o$&G EHou ha#en/t.G - raise my *ace to look at him& E-/m still in one piece&G 4ames stares at me and con*esses& E- can *eel you& - know things ha#e $een hard& E#ery time you *eel a strong emotion. - *eel the pull&G - *rown& -/#e $een upset a lot lately. $ut -/#e $een happy too& )ike on my $irthday and this past a*ternoon& E- don/t need to mani*est in order to guide you& But - am supposed to look in on you and see what/s needed& - ha#en/t e#en $een doing that.G he sighs& E>hy?G - search his *ace& E>hen - told you to stay away. - meant physically&G @e presses his *orehead to mine& E-/m trying to get o#er you& - told mysel* - would only check in or inter#ene i* you were in danger& - thought it was the $est way&G EAnd how/s that working out?G - ask wryly& @e raises his head and gi#es me a crooked smile& E- think you know the answer to that&G My heart melts upon seeing that smile. and - ha#e the o#erwhelming urge to kiss him& @e can tell. and his smile *ades into seriousness again& E-t pro$a$ly wouldn/t $e a good idea&G - lean *orward& ECoes it really matter?G EHes.G he says. $ut the word sounds stuck in his throat& The emotions surrounding his return o#ercome me. and - don/t care a$out any Guardian rules& The electricity running through me is tangi$le& @e/s here& He%s really here& - press mysel* closer. my lips centimeters *rom his& EAre you going to stop me?G - whisper& E0o&G - practically attack him& @is arms tighten around me as we kissA his lips +ust as eager as mine& 'issing him is easier with his new *ormA - don/t ha#e to concentrate nearly as much& - *eel his hold shi*t as he grasps my waist with one hand and runs the other up into my hair& - wrap my *ingers around what - think is his neck. to pull him closer to me& - open my eyes *or a $rie* second to see that -/#e managed to gra$ his shoulder instead& A*ter a *ew $reathless minutes. his mouth lea#es mine. and - silently pray that it will reappear somewhere else on my skin& -t doesn/t& - open my eyes& E>hat/s wrong?G EThis isn/t helping&G ESo?G EEmma.G he groans and releases me. rolling on to his $ack& E>hat?G - lean o#er him& E0othing has changed&G @e looks at me& EThe rules ha#en/t changed&G E- can/t help it.G - con*ess& E- lo#e you&G @e looks at me. de*eated. and a so*t e;pression takes o#er his *eatures& EAnd - still lo#e you&G

- mo#e to kiss him again. $ut he stops me $y gently pressing his hand against my shoulder& E>e shouldn/t&G - know what he says is true. $ut it hurts to hear& -n all the time we/#e $een together. he has ne#er stopped me *rom kissing him& My $ruised ego speaks *or me& E>hy? -* Garrett is here with us now. who/s going to tell?G @e stares at me *or a moment. his $right $lue eyes clouding o#er to a stormy gray& @e releases my shoulder. shi*ts his ga(e. and trails his *ingers lightly down my arm& My pulse accelerates& EThat/s not helping.G - say Duietly& @is stormy eyes re*ocus on mine& @e reaches around my neck with his *ree hand. pulls me toward him. and kisses me so*tly& @is lips lea#e mine to *ind the corner o* my mouth. my +aw. my throat. and then my collar$one& @e mo#es *orward to wrap a cold hand around my arm as he presses me on to my $ack. lea#ing a trail o* gentle. urgent kisses along the opposite side o* my neck& @is hand $rushes down my side and wraps around my waist as our lips meet again& @e presses the length o* his $ody against mine. and my insides nearly com$ust& -/#e missed him so much& Suddenly. he disappears& ECamn itFG - hear him curse& - look o#er to see him lying $eside me. the heels o* his palms pressed against his $row& EE#en i* Garrett didn/t say anything.G he says. Esooner or later The Allegiant would *ind out&G EThe Allegiant?G - ask. trying to $reathe normally& @e sets his hands on his stomach and stares at the ceiling& EThey watch o#er the Guardians& They maintain order and $alance& They make sure we/re *ul*illing our duty&G @e turns to me& EThey will *ind out&G - turn on my side to *ace him& EMay$e we could talk to Garrett and see how much time we ha#e&G - know -/m grasping at straws. $ut - want to keep him and what we ha#e as long as - can& @e gi#es me a skeptical stare& EAren/t you *reaked out yet?G EA$out what?G EGarrett is my mentor& A Guardian& Hou/re okay with that?G E- didn/t reali(e he was a Guardian& - thought he was human&G E>hat made you think he was human?G - sit up& E>hy would your Garrett $e my neigh$or? @e has Ethics with meA he tutors me in Stats& @e cooks& @e eats and sleeps& @e wanted my old couch&G 4ames looks more con*used now than e#er& E@ow much time ha#e you spent with him?G EOuite a $it.G - admit& E@e/s my only *riend here&G 4ames sits up to *ace me& EEmma.G he says seriously. EGuardians don/t eat or sleep&G E- know that&G EHou/re sure you saw him do those things?G E>ell. - ha#en/t seen him sleep. $ut he has a $ed& A mattress& And he made us lunch and ate it right in *ront o* me& @e had a *ew $eers at the $ar tonight. too&G 4ames looks *rustrated as he contemplates what -/#e said& -t makes me worry& - shouldn/t ha#e $rought up Garrett& @is mood makes me want to march ne;t door immediately and demand answers& Come to think o* it. - should $e pretty pissed at Garrett *or assigning me to 4ames. then disappearing on him and lying to me&

4ust then. )B +umps up on the $ed deciding to grace us with her presence& E>here ha#e you $een?G - ask her as she steps on my leg& - gra$ her and present her to 4ames& EThis is )B& )ittle Booger.G - clari*y& E)B. 4ames&G 4ames *inally rela;es and smiles. reaching out to pet )B& E>here/d you *ind her?G he asks& EShe was a $irthday present *rom Matt and Shel& They *igured - was lonely&G 4ames/ smile #anishes and his *ace twists& E-/m so sorry.G he says& E>hat *or?G ELor missing your $irthday& Lor lea#ing you& Lor screwing e#erything up&G - set )B down and reach *or his hand& E-t/s not your *ault&G EE#erything is my *ault&G - shake my head and scoot closer to him& ECon/t $e sorry& =r sad& =r angry& - hate to see you like that& Hou scared me tonight&G E-/#e $een mad at mysel*& And Garrett& Linding him here was a shock and -I- +ust lost it&G - pull him to lie down ne;t to me. to snuggle in *or the night. and )B makes her way in $etween us. curling into a $all& E-/m glad you/#e calmed down. and -/m glad you/re here&G ESo am -&G E2romise me you won/t lea#e&G 4ames kisses my *orehead& E)ike - said. there/s no place -/d rather $e&G E- lo#e you&G EJntil the end o* *ore#er&G - smile& E- hope The Allegiant aren/t paying attention&G @e tucks a piece o* hair $ehind my ear& E>e/d know $y now i* they were&G - raise my eye$rows& ESo. can we. you knowIG 4ames pretends to look shocked& E>hat/s gotten into you? -n *ront o* )B?G E- think she/s asleep&G @e smiles. $ut gi#es me a resigned sigh& EAs much as - want to. - think it would $e $est i* we didn/t&G - grimace& ELine& >hen did you turn into such a rule *ollower?G ESince -/#e $een threatened with Erasure& The idea o* ha#ing my memory erased doesn/t appeal to me&G Heah. that sounds +ust as horri$le as it did the *irst time -/d heard a$out it& EHou need to get some sleep.G he tells me& EThat/s not going to $e easy&G ECo you want me to sing you a lulla$y?G E2lease noFG - laugh& 4ames/ singing #oice is terri$le& ETwinkle. twinkle. little starIG he war$les& EStopFG E@ow - wonder what you are& Jp a$o#e the world so highIG EArrgghFG - plug my ears& E)ike a diamond in the skyIG E#en )B looks up annoyed& ETwinkle. twinkle. little starIG E-/m sleepingFG - smash my eyes together& ESeeFG @e laughs then kisses my nose like a parent would& EThat/s $etter&G

@e holds me tighter and e#entually - dri*t o**. content in his arms. where - ne#er thought would $e again&

Chapter #
- awake to the delicious smell o* cinnamon. and my stomach growls& - roll o#er. reaching $eside me in the process. and *ind mysel* alone& Lrowning. - open my eyes and look around the room& The sun is shining around the $linds on my window. and the clock reads ! B69& Apparently. all the acti#ities *rom last night wore me out& <u$$ing the sleep *rom my eyes. swing my legs to the side and lea#e my $ed& - *ind 4ames in the kitchen. standing o#er the toaster. with )B sitting at his *eet& EGood morning.G he says& @e catches the time on the o#en and smiles& E- mean. good a*ternoon&G EHou/re making toast?G - ask& The $read pops up& E-/m making $reak*ast&G @e remo#es the slices *rom the toaster and gra$s a kni*e& @e opens the $utter dish& ECinnamon raisin okay with you?G E>ell.G - mo#e to lean against the counter $eside him. Esince - $ought the $read. - would say it/s per*ect& >hat $rought this on?G EHou said Garrett cooks&G @e runs the kni*e o#er the toast& E- thought -/d gi#e it a try&G - laugh& E- don/t know i* toasting $read counts as cooking&G 4ames looks at me and raises an eye$row& ECo you want the toast or not?G My stomach growls loudly. reminding me that e#erything that was inside o* it ended up in the toilet last night& EHes. o* course - want it&G - stand on my toes and kiss his cheek& EThank you&G @e hands me the plate and mo#es to the re*rigerator& @e opens the door and pulls out a carton o* orange +uice& - watch him. mesmeri(ed. as he gra$s a glass *rom the ca$inet and *ills it& ELor you&G @e holds it out to me& - take it *rom him tentati#ely& @e puts the carton $ack and shuts the *ridge door& - ha#en/t mo#ed& E>hat?G he asks& - $link& E-t/s likeIit/s almost like you/re not a Guardian&G A sad e;pression *lashes across his *ace. then the corner o* his mouth Duirks up& EMay$e with some culinary practice - could $e your $utler&G E=oooh. - like that.G - smile& E-t would $e nice to come home to a clean apartment and a hot meal e#ery day&G @e laughs and reaches around me to collect the $read and the $utter dish. putting things $ack where they $elong& - step out o* his way. carrying my $reak*ast into the li#ing room and setting it on the co**ee ta$le& - sit down and pull o** a piece o* toast& ESo. what/s on the agenda *or today?G - call into the kitchen and pop the $read into my mouth& A moment later he appears in the doorway& EAre congratulations in order?G he asks. holding the newspaper article and the en#elope - recei#ed in the mail& The $read suddenly *eels dry in my mouth. and - choke it down& EApparently so&G - turn my attention to the orange +uice& - *orgot - le*t the article a$out Teagan on the counter& E>hen did this happen?G he asks& - swallow my drink and nod toward his hands& E-t sounds like a year and a hal* ago& - don/t know&G 4ames *rowns& EHou don/t know?G

- pull o** another piece o* toast and try to look una**ected& E- +ust *ound out a$out the happy couple yesterday&G ELrom the mail?G EHep&G 4ames looks irritated and starts to walk toward me& E@ow are you?G E-/m *ine&G @e reaches me and sits down on the couch - now hate& ECon/t lie to me&G - don/t want to talk a$out Cane with 4ames& -/m ner#ous a$out how much he knows& Be*ore he le*t. he knew we were *riends and suspected Cane wanted more& - was adamant that he didn/t& - was wrong& E-/m not lying&G - sho#e a piece o* toast in my mouth& E-/m really *ine&G @e gi#es me an e;asperated look& EHou *orget - can *eel your emotions. and you/re still a terri$le liar&G @e stares at me intently& EHesterday was a #ery hard day *or you&G - look down. em$arrassed& -* he *elt my emotions yesterday. what did he *eel when - was with Cane $e*ore - le*t *or school? - try to eliminate him *rom our con#ersation& E- also ran into <e$ecca at >ayside last night&G 4ames is *amiliar with the $arA we used to go there o*ten& @e crumples the article and the en#elope in his hand. his +aw tensing& E-/m sorry she upset you&G - shrug and go $ack to picking at my toast& 4ames stands and $egins to pace& @e stops& E@e really didn/t tell you he was engaged?G he asks in dis$elie*& EA*ter all the time you two spent together?G - look at him annoyed& E0o. he didn/t& Can we drop this?G E0o&G - can tell he/s getting worked up& E- know you care a$out him&G - *ree(e. alarmed $y what he +ust said& @e knows - care a$out Cane? E@Mhow do you know that?G Co - e#en want the answer? My reaction causes him to pause& @e tilts his head& EHou/re ner#ous& Cid something happen?G This is it. - think and start to sweat& My mind *lashes $ack to when - *ound out a$out <e$ecca. when - learned a$out her and 4ames& - remem$er how hurt - was that it had happened. $ut e#en more so that he had kept it *rom me& - can/t $e like thatA - ha#e to $e honest& My *ace searches his. and - know - look guilty& - open my mouth to con*ess& ECon/t.G he cuts me o** $e*ore - can utter a word& @e closes his eyes and clenches his hands into *ists. as i* trying to keep his emotions in check& - imagine the conclusion he/s +umped to& E-t/s not what you think.G - say hurriedly. as stand and walk toward him& !ut it kind of is. my su$conscious pipes up& @e opens his eyes& E- don/t want to know.G he says. e#en though his +aw is still tense& E-t shouldn/t matter to me anymore&G - look at him. pleading& EBut - want to tellIG EEmma. stop&G @e stares at me. his eyes intense& E- don/t care a$out the details&G - know he/s lying& E>hat matters is that he hurt you and that is unaccepta$le&G @e starts to pace again& -/m at a loss *or words& - want to make him *eel $etter& - want him to know that whate#er was $etween Cane and me was $rie* and o$#iously o#er& 4ames walks past me& E- could kill him.G he mutters under his $reath&

-/m worried that angry 4ames is going to make a return appearance. and - try to di**use the situation& E-t/s not that serious&G @e stops pacing and looks at me& EE#erything that in#ol#es you is serious& -t/s my duty&G - reali(e his reaction has more to do with +ealousy than his duty& E-t/s really okay.G - protest. e#en though -/d like to say a *ew choice words to Cane mysel*& E0o one should e#er hurt you.G he says de*iantly& EHou don/t deser#e it&G - walk toward him& E)et/s not talk a$out this anymore& - want to *orget a$out e#erything in#ol#ing Cane&G EHou deser#e an e;planation.G he says& EHou can/t let him get away with this& Stand up *or yoursel*&G - gi#e him an e;asperated look& E- mean it& -* you don/t do something a$out it. - will&G E)ike what?G - try to make light o* the situation& E@aunt him?G EAmongst other things&G - don/t think - want to know what the others things might $eA - want to drop the su$+ect& E-/m done talking a$out this&G - walk $ackward to the couch. sit down. and pick up my $reak*ast again& E>here were we? =h yes.G - pause& E>hat are we doing today?G @e looks at me pointedly& ECon/t let him get away with it&G - roll my eyes& E- know& - got it&G ECo you really?G EHesFG @e eyes me warily& EHou know -/ll know&G EHes Cad. - know you/ll know&G >hy won/t he let this go? ESo. a$out today?G @e sighs and studies my *ace& - chew on my now,hardened cinnamon raisin toast& @e *inally rela;es a $it& E- think we should pay a #isit to your neigh$or&G E- agree.G - say and *inish up my orange +uice& E4ust let me shower and we can lea#e&G

A$out twenty minutes later - emerge *rom the shower. wrapped in a towel. to *ind 4ames playing with )B on my $ed& - stand in the doorway *or a *ew seconds. taking in the sight o* them playing together& @e drags a piece o* yarn $ack and *orth *or her to catch& The scene makes me sentimental& -t looks so normal. and - get caught up in it& This is e;actly how things should ha#e $een *or us. would ha#e $een *or us. i* it wasn/t *or that horri$le night& Tears une;pectedly +ump $ehind my eyes& >hat - wouldn/t gi#e to go $ack in time and change our *uture& 4ames turns to me in a *lash& E>hat/s wrong?G - $link Duickly. trying to hide my tears& - walk into the room and past him& E0othing&G open a dresser drawer and search *or something to wear& @e/s $ehind me in an instant. setting his hands on my shoulders& ETell me.G he says so*tly& - continue to search through my shirts and a tear escapes& EHou and )BIit +ust hit me. that/s all&G @e stands $ehind me. patiently waiting *or me to ela$orate& - select a shirt and mo#e to the ne;t drawer& - pull out a pair o* +eans and then mo#e on to *ind some underwear& - try to $rush the tear away indiscreetly with the $ack o* my hand. $ut its hard holding on to my clothes and

the towel. and - miss& @e turns me around $y my shoulders. looks into my eyes. and runs his thum$ across my cheek& @is sweet gesture makes my eyes well up e#en more& ETell me.G he says again. concerned& - hesitate& - don/t want to $ring up unpleasant things& E- got caught up in the moment. watching you with )B& -t reminded me o* our plans $e*oreIhow you should $e hereIG >ithout a word. he pulls me against his chest. wrapping his arms around me& @e tucks my head $eneath his chin and remains Duiet while tears *all silently down my *ace& >hat can he say? There are no words that can change our reality& - need to pull it together& That he is here at all is a miracle. and - don/t want to make it seem like it/s not enough& - stand up straight and step out o* his arms& E-/m good.G - say. wiping my *ace& - drop my clothes in the process& EHou/re not&G @e $ends down to collect my things and then stands& EMy $eing here is too hard *or you&G EHou/re wrong.G - say adamantly& E- should go& -t would $e easier *or the $oth o* us&G - look at him. crushed& EHou want to lea#e?G E=* course not&G EThen don/t&G - take my clothes *rom his hands and turn to place them on top o* the dresser& - let the towel *all to my *eet. and pull on my underwear& - put on my +eans ne;t. and then reach *or my shirt& EThat/s not helping.G 4ames says Duietly *rom $ehind me& - *ree(e& - wasn/t thinkingA -/m so used to $eing alone& - glance o#er my shoulder. and he/s no longer there& E- told you not to lea#eFG - say loudly as - throw the rest o* my clothes on& E- didn/tFG - hear him yell *rom the li#ing room& - walk into the $athroom to gra$ my hair$rush and then go to *ind him& 4ames is sitting on the couch. playing with the remote& EThis TK sucks.G he says. punching $uttons& E=kay. Matt.G - say and sit cross,legged $eside him. pulling the $rush through my hair& @e gi#es me a *unny look& EMatt told me the same thing when he was here.G - clari*y& 4ames nods& EHou should really think a$out getting a new one. especially i* -/m going to hanging around more&G - laugh sarcastically& >ould Garrett consider another trade? E>hat?G - shake my head& E-t/s nothing&G - com$ the tangles out o* my hair. and remo#e a tie *rom the handle o* the $rush& E<eady to go?G EHeah.G he sighs and turns o** the tele#ision& >e stand and head to the door& =n our way. he stops a$ruptly in *ront o* me. and - walk right through his $ody& E>hatI?G Suddenly. he gra$s my upper arms and pulls me to him. his mouth coming down hard on mine& @is kiss is demanding and +ust when - $egin to rela; in his hold. he stops& - look at him. $ewildered& EHou need to keep your clothes on.G is all he says& @e releases my arms and walks around me to open the door& @e ushers me outside $e*ore )B can run out& E-t/s my apartment. you know&G - try to $e annoyed. $ut inside -/m $eaming& - still ha#e the same e**ect on him that he has on me& @e shoots me an agitated stare and says nothing&

- lead him to Garrett/s door and tentati#ely knock& As we wait in the hall. - mull things o#er& Their situation really has nothing to do with me& EShould - $e here?G - ask& 4ames steps *orward and knocks harder& EHes& Garrett in#ol#ed you& Hou deser#e to know what/s going on as much as - do&G - ha#e to admit - am curious& >e wait. and 4ames knocks again& >hen the door remains unanswered. he says. E>ait here&G E>here are you going?G E>e tried the polite way. now it/s time to $e rude&G @e steps *orward and disappears through Garrett/s door& -/m le*t alone in the hallway. staring stupidly at where 4ames +ust stood& - don/t think -/ll e#er get used to what he can do& Minutes later. he reappears& E@e/s not home&G - roll my eyes& E- could ha#e told you that&G >e head $ack to my place& ESo. did you learn anything *rom your B % E?G @e laughs& EThere was no B& =nly E&G EKery *unny& -/m serious&G 4ames walks through my apartment door and opens it *or me *rom the inside& EShow o**&G @e smirks& E0o. - didn/t learn much& E;ceptIG @e looks across the room longingly& - close the door $ehind me& EE;cept what?G E@e has an ama(ing TK&G

4ames and - spend the rest o* the day wrapped around each other on the couch& - get caught up in a +retty ,oman mo#ie marathon. and 4ames periodically disappears to see i* Garrett has returned& - tried to talk him into making me lunch in order to impro#e his cooking skills. $ut that was a no go& As e#ening *ell. - tried to coerce him into making me dinner as well& EActually. - should get $ack.G he sighs and untangles himsel* *rom me& - try to hold on $ut gra$ only air& EHou/re lea#ing?G - ask. worriedly& E- need to $e seen& - don/t want to raise any suspicion&G @e stands o#er me as - sit up& E>hat a$out Garrett?G @e *rowns& E-* you see him. tell him -/m looking *or him&G E>hen will you $e $ack?G @e leans o#er me and kisses my *orehead& ESoon&G - wrap my hand around his neck to keep his eyes le#el with mine& EHou promise?G @e *lashes that *amiliar 4ames smile that makes my heart $eat *aster& E- promise&G - hear my cell chime *rom the $edroom. telling me - ha#e a te;t message& ESome$ody is looking *or you.G he says and stands& E-t/s pro$a$ly my mom& =r Shel.G - say. standing as well& 4ames takes a step $ack and starts to e#aporate& ECan - still tell you - lo#e you?G - ask as he *ades& E=nly with your clothes on.G he teases& - look down at mysel* in an e;aggerated way& -/m *ully clothed& E- lo#e you&G

@e has completely disappeared. $ut - still hear his #oice& EJntil the end o* *ore#er&G My cell chimes again. and - go to see who needs me& >hen - pick the phone o** my nightstand. my stomach drops to my toes& Hey .race. -t/s Cane& - earned that nickname a*ter a rather grace,less *all in *ront o* him& >hat could he possi$ly want? The last thing - want to do is respondA - need more time to plan what to say& But 4ames/ #oice rings in my ears *rom this morning M $Don%t let him get a&ay &ith it.( )et/s get this o#er with& hat do you want? - send& - hope my rude tone is implied& 7ust to say hi. How have you been? @ow ha#e - $een? >ell. let/s $e honest& /issed. Sad. "nto#icated. You? hats wrong? - let out a short. harsh laugh& You tell me. How would " know whats wrong?? -/m not in the mood *or games& 5eally? ,sk your fianc8e. -t takes less than a minute *or my cell to ring& Cane is calling. and - re*use to answer& pre*er to handle this o#er te;tA - don/t want him to hear my #oice& -/m terri$le at lying. and -/m terri$le at *ighting& - want to come across as angry. not emotional& @e calls three more times. and - send each call to #oicemail& @e te;ts again& ,nswer the phone. $o. /lease. " dont want to talk to you. (et me e#plain. E;plain what? That he/s a liar? $o need. " understand perfectly. You dont understand anything at all. -t/s pointless to argueA he lied and we/re through& (ose my number. The phone goes silent& The longer it stays that way. the more pressure $uilds inside my chest& - set the phone down and curl on my side on the $ed. pressing my *ace against the pillow& My heart hurts again. and -/m unsure i* it/s due to sadness or anger& - *ight $ack tears as silently wonder how long it will take 4ames to reali(e my pain and return to me& Almost instantly. - hear a knock on the door and $olt upright& >ho could that $e? 4ames wouldn/t knock& >hen - open the door. -/m surprised to see Garrett standing there& E>hat/s up?G - try to ask normally& A suspicious lump has *ormed in my throat& E-s 4ames here?G he asks. looking an;iously around the room& E0o. not right now& @e/s $een looking *or you all day though&G Garrett steps inside& EHou need to call him& -t/s urgent&G ECall him how?G EThere/s no need.G 4ames says *rom $ehind me. making me +ump& E-/m right here&G

Chapter $
E>e need to talk.G Garrett says and walks around me& 4ames crosses his arms& E- agree&G The two o* them stare at each other. as i* at an impasse. and nothing o* conseDuence has e#en $een said& - close the door& ECon/t let me get in your way&G - $link to get rid o* any lingering tears and start to make my way to the $edroom& 4ames reaches out and stops me& EE#erything okay?G - nod and gi#e him hal* a smile& E- didn/t let Cane get away with it&G @is +aw tenses& E@e/s hurt you again?G - glance at Garrett. and his attention is directed to me as well& EE#erything/s *ine&G - look $ack at 4ames& E-/ll lea#e you two alone&G - start to head out o* the room& E>ait.G 4ames says& E- think you should stay&G Garrett speaks up& E-/m not sure that would $e wise&G 4ames turns to him& E>hy? Hou/re the one who in#ol#ed her& She deser#es an e;planation +ust as much as - do&G Garrett shoots 4ames an e;asperated look& E0ow is not the time to $e complicated&G E>e/re a package deal&G 4ames takes my hand& EHou know that&G Garrett looks *rustrated as - ner#ously shi*t my ga(e *rom him to 4ames and $ack again& don/t want to hang around i* things are going to get nasty& Apparently my neigh$or concedes $ecause he heads to the couch& >e *ollow& @e sits at one end. and - take a seat at the other. *olding my legs $eneath me& 4ames remains standing& Garrett leans $ack. looks around *or a moment. and assesses the *urniture& EThe Cadillac is com*orta$le.G he smirks at me& EAre you still willing to gi#e it up?G - grimace& ECe*initely&G 2ertur$ed and con*used. 4ames asks. E>e/re discussing how the couch *eels?G Garrett turns to him& ESorry& -t/s $een awhile since -/#e felt anything&G 4ames raises his eye$rows in surprise& E)isten.G Garrett leans *orward. setting his el$ows on his knees and clasping his hands in *ront o* him. Ewe ha#e a pro$lem&G E>e?G 4ames crosses his arms again& EApparently. my a$sence hasn/t gone unnoticed&G 4ames sco**s& EThat sounds like your pro$lem. not mine&G ECid you tell anyone - was gone? Ask a$out me a*ter - le*t?G EMy demeanor hasn/t e;actly $een conduci#e to making *riends&G ESo you/#e talked to no one?G E-/#e tried to keep to mysel*.G 4ames pauses& EBut no. there is one person -/#e $een speaking to&G E>ho?G EThomas&G Garrett narrows his eyes at 4ames& E>hat does he look like?G 4ames shrugs& E@e/s an older guy with glasses&G And with that. another person takes *orm in my li#ing room& -t startles me. and - spring o** the couch and to 4ames/ side in two steps& @e wraps his arm protecti#ely around my shoulders&

The man appears midway $etween Garrett and 4ames& @e/s an older gentleman. with light $rown hair and a moustache that is starting to gray& @e/s wears thin,*ramed eyeglasses and a white shirt. co#ered $y a tan sport coat with matching slacks& E@ey kid.G the man smiles at 4ames in a *atherly way& EThomas?G 4ames $links. surprised& Garrett turns to Thomas and stands& EHou/#e $een speaking with him? - asked you to keep an eye on him. that/s allFG EThe $oy was misera$le.G Thomas de*ends himsel*& E- couldn/t let him su**er& Besides. you said yoursel* that you didn/t ha#e enough time with him $e*ore you le*t&G EHou/#e $een training him?G Thomas hesitates& E0ot e;actly& 4ust *illing in some $lanks&G E>hat a$out your duty? >hat a$out Arnold?G EMy >ard is *ine.G Thomas says and puts his hands in his pockets& E@e/s $een mo#ed to a nursing home& @e can/t get into too much trou$le there&G @e smiles at 4ames and me& E>hy are you here?G 4ames asks& ECan someone start making some sense?G Thomas takes a step *orward& EGarrett asked one o* us to accompany him tonight. +ust in case you lost your temper again& Two against one might keep you a little calmer&G @e shi*ts his *ocus and gi#es me warm smile& EHou must $e the lo#ely Emma&G My ga(e lea#es Thomas and shoots to 4ames& @e gi#es me a reassuring look and then turns his attention to the two other Guardians in the room& - do the same& EJmInice to meet you?G cautiously say& -s there a protocol - should $e *ollowing here? E)ikewise.G Thomas says and nods& Garrett ru$s his *ingers against his *orehead as i* he can physically clear his mind& E-* you/re the only one he/s talked to. then what did 4oss and Meg o#erhear at Assem$ly? May$e they/re wrong&G Thomas turns to Garrett& E4oss wouldn/t lie&G Garrett sighs. *rowning& E- know she wouldn/t&G @e looks de*eated& E>e need to meet& All o* us&G All of us' - think& Are more people going to materiali(e in my apartment? -/m starting to reconsider the whole need,to,know thing on my part& ECo you think that/s a good idea?G Thomas asks& E-* we/re all away at the same timeIG E- don/t think we ha#e a choice&G Garrett puts his hands on his hips and shi*ts his weight& E@old on.G 4ames interrupts. remo#ing his arm *rom my shoulders and walking toward the two Guardians& EMeet who? A$out what?G 4ames is out o* the loop. and it/s starting to piss him o**& - think now would $e the $est time *or me to e;it this little gathering& -* a *ight is a$out to $reak out. -/d rather not $e present& Thomas and Garrett start to speak o#er one another& EThe rest o*IG E4ames. - thinkIG EAh. hello?G - gi#e a small wa#e. so -/m noticed& The con#ersation ceases and e#eryone turns to *ace me& E-/m sorry *or interrupting $ut $eing as how -/m the only human in the room. should pro$a$ly go&G - take a *ew tentati#e steps& E-/ll +ust head out *or a *ew hours and you guys can MG E-/m human too&G - *ree(e in place. staring at Garrett&

@e gi#es me a tiny smile& E>ell. hal* human. anyway&G My *ocus immediately shi*ts to 4ames. and he looks completely $lindsided. as i* he/s $een slapped in the *ace& Thomas takes a measured step and stands $etween the two o* them& E4ust in case.G he nods to me& EThey can/t hurt each other. $ut they can sure scare the hell out o* you&G E@ow?G 4ames asks Duietly. dis$elie#ing& Garrett steps to the side& EThe method was stum$led upon. and -/m the guinea pig&G 4ames looks away *rom Garrett and to me. as i* looking *or con*irmation that -/m hearing this too& - stare $ack at him. wide,eyed& A million Duestions pass $etween us& Thomas rela;es and steps out o* the way& EThere is a group o* us that no longer wish to $e Guardians.G Garrett e;plains& EThe opportunity to $e released has passed us all&G @is e;pression twists& E0one o* our true lo#es chose us& A*ter years o* ser#ing The Allegiant. we/#e *inally *ound another way out&G E@ow?G 4ames asks again. this time with more determination& E>hat/s the method? Count me inFG E>hoa.G Thomas says. stepping $ack in *ront o* 4ames& E-t/s not that simple&G E<ight now. we need to concentrate on keeping this a secret.G Garrett continues& E>e need you to lay low and keep your eyes and ears open& The Allegiant won/t come around asking Duestions without good cause& Co your $est $y Emma and don/t call attention to yoursel*& >ithout a reason to Duestion my teaching. they shouldn/t need to talk to you M or me& They cannot *ind out that -/#e le*t the -ntermediate or where -/#e gone& >e need to *ind out what was o#erheard and where it came *rom& -* The Allegiant get e#en a hint o* what we/re up to. it/s the end *or all o* us&G 4ames steps $ack& ELine&G @e gi#es them $oth a hard look& EBut - want in& All the way& >ho else knows a$out this?G The three o* them ha#e o$#iously *orgotten that -/m in the room& Thomas turns to Garrett& E>e/ll ha#e to introduce him. one $y one. to the others& Jnless you decide to hold a meeting&G Garrett *rowns in thought& E)et me think a$out it some more& Are you meeting 4oss tonight?G EAs soon as - get $ack&G ELind out i* she can get more speci*ics *rom Meg&G E>ill do&G 4ust then - hear my phone ring *rom the other room& -t distracts only me& The Guardians M and Garrett M are deep in con#ersation& - don/t want to interrupt them again $y mo#ing. so ignore it. praying that whoe#er is trying to get ahold o* me lea#es a message& E- could take him to meet 4oss with me now.G - hear Thomas suggest& Garrett appears to consider it& E-/m due a #isit as well. *rom 4ack&G ECoes it matter who - meet *irst?G 4ames asks& My phone rings again. and - silently curse it& 4ames looks at me and nods o#er his shoulder& EMay$e you should get that?G - gi#e the group an apologetic smile and dart around them as - head out o* the room& - gra$ my phone o** the $ed and see that Shel is calling& - sit down and answer her in order to a#oid any *urther interruptions& E@ello?G E=hF -/m so glad you answeredFG Shel/s #oice wa#ers&

@er panicked tone sends my already heightened ner#es into o#erdri#e& E>hat/s wrong? >hat is it?G E-t/s Matt.G her #oice $reaks& Matt? My pulse starts to accelerate& @as something happened to him? E-s he all right?G EHes.G she says through tears& E-t/sIwe had a *ight&G <elie* *loods my $ody& - want to say E-s that all?G $ut - catch mysel*& - think this may $e their *irst *ight e#er& EAw. Shel& >hat a$out?G ECane&G She spits his name out like it/s poison& Cane? My e;pression twists& E>hy were you *ighting a$out him?G EBecause he knew. EmmaF Matt knew he was engagedFG A sick *eeling starts to curl around my stomach& Shel sni**s& ECane called Matt and accused him o* telling you& >hen did you *ind out?G EHesterday.G - say Duietly& E- o#erheard Matt arguing on the phone and demanded to know what was going on& @e told me and then we got into it a$out you& @ow could he do that to you Emma? @ow could he keep this huge secret? Hou/re our $est *riendFG -/m at a loss *or words& >hy would Matt keep this *rom me? @e knew Cane and - were getting close& - hear Shel sni** again. and -/m reminded o* how upset she is& E-/m sorry that you guys *ought $ecause o* me&G E-t/s not your *aultF -t/s theirsFG - hear what - think is a car horn in the $ackground& E>here are you?G ECri#ing& -/m on my way to you&G EHou are?G EHes& - stormed out& -s that okay? - don/t want to go homeA Matt will look *or me there& don/t want to talk to him right now&G - know the *eeling& E=* course you can come here& @ow *ar away are you?G EA$out an hour&G E=kay& @ang up and get here sa*e&G E/'ay& See you in a little $it&G - end the call and stare at my phone& Matt knew a$out Cane all along? Leelings o* $etrayal start to swirl in my chest& Thanks *or the heads up. +ackass& E>hat/s going on?G 4ames appears in my doorway. startling me& EShel/s on her way& She got into a *ight with Matt&G - neglect to tell him a$out Matt/s secrecy& - don/t need another person *or him to $e mad at& E=h good.G 4ames says a$sentmindedly. glancing $ack into the li#ing room& - *rown at him& E-t/s good they got in a *ight?G E>hat?G @e *ocuses $ack on me& E=h. no& -t/s good that Shel is coming here& Thomas is going to take me to meet 4oss&G E0ow?G EHes&G @e steps *orward and plants a kiss on my *orehead& >hen he leans $ack. he looks at me intently& There/s an e;citement in his eyes that - ha#en/t seen in a #ery long time& EHou heard what - heard right?G - nod& ECo you know what this could mean?G he whispers enthusiastically& - can/t help $ut smile at his $oyish grin& EThe thought did cross my mind&G

@e leans *orward again and catches my mouth with his. kissing me hard& >hen we stop. tease him& E- thought we weren/t supposed to do that?G @e responds $y kissing me again& EHou/re going to get caught.G - reprimand him& Someone clears his throat $ehind us& E@e is caught&G 4ames turns around and - +ump o** the $ed& Thomas is standing in the doorway& The way he looks at us makes me $lush& EHou/re still her Guardian. you know.G he chastises 4ames& @e tries to maintain his stern e;pression. $ut his eyes crinkle as he $reaks into a smile& E0o wonder Garrett asked me to keep an eye on you&G 4ames laughs ner#ously& ECan you $lame me?G Thomas shakes his head& E0ot in the least& Come on& >e ha#e to go&G 4ames turns to me& E-/ll see you soon& Stay out o* trou$le&G EMe? Get into trou$le? 0e#er&G - smile& E- don/t know&G 4ames tilts his head. dou$t*ul& EShel is on her way&G -t/s so nice to see 4ames happy *or once& ECon/t worry& -/ll $e on my $est $eha#ior& Scout/s honor&G - hold up my hand& @e smiles and leans in to kiss me again& EAhem.G Thomas su$tly clears his throat *rom the doorway& 4ames stops& @e reaches out. takes my hand. and sDuee(es it. smiling at me& - mouth Elo#e you&G @e winks at me and then drops my hand& E<eady?G Thomas asks& E<eady.G 4ames con*irms and takes a step $ack& E-t was nice to meet you Emma.G Thomas says to me& EHou too& Come $y any time&G The two o* them *ade *rom my #ision. 4ames a little more slowly than Thomas. and -/m le*t with )B to wait *or Shel& She/s $een napping on my $ed this whole time& -t/s *unny how a place that was so *ull moments ago can now *eel so empty& That is. assuming Garrett has gone& - walk out into the li#ing room. and it is indeed empty& @e must ha#e le*t while - was on the phone& My stomach growls. and - reali(e - ha#en/t had any dinner& - check the clock and it/s almost eight& Shel should $e here around nine& - head to the kitchen to make mysel* something to eat& This is going to $e a long night&

Chapter %
>hen - greet Shel at the door. the e#idence o* her emotional state is worse than - imagined& - thought the dri#e would ha#e calmed her some. $ut her eyes are rimmed in red. her mascara has run down her cheeks. and her nose looks raw *rom wiping& E@ey.G she says Duietly and takes a deep $reath& - instantly open my arms to her and she steps into them *or a hug& EThis sucks.G she says against my shoulder& EHeah&G -t/s all - can think to say& >e make our way to my apartment. and )B greets us at the door& EShe/s getting so $ig.G Shel says as she crouches down to pet her& E>hat are you *eeding her? Super *ood?G E0ah. +ust the regular stu**& May$e - gi#e her too many treats? She/s spoiled&G EAs she should $e.G Shel says and shrugs out o* her +acket& EAll us women deser#e to $e spoiled&G She stands and lays the +acket o#er the $ack o* the couch. setting her purse on the *loor& E-s this theI?G EBirthday present?G - *inish *or her. making a *ace& EHes&G She runs her hand across the leather and looks impressed& E-t/s nice&G She glances at the tele#ision& E- thoughtIG - roll my eyes and sit down& EA*ter - *ound out a$out Cane/sIumIsituation. - didn/t want his gi*ts anymore& - ga#e the TK to my neigh$or&G Shel +oins me on the couch& EThat Garrett guy?G - nod& E@e $arely owns anything& @e has my old lo#eseat too. which -/m planning to trade *or this hunk o* +unk as soon as - can&G )B +umps into my lap to $e scratched and. as she makes hersel* com*orta$le. Shel asks. ESo. how did you *ind out a$out Cane?G E- recei#ed a newspaper article in the mail all a$out the lo#ely Ms& Teagan Meyer.G - say sarcastically& -t/s easy to let my true emotions show around Shel& -* anyone will understand how - *eel. it/s her& EThe end o* which prominently discussed her upcoming nuptials&G Shel/s mouth *alls open& E>ho sent it?G - shrug& E- don/t know& There was no return address&G ECan - read it?G ESure&G - pick up )B. mo#e her to Shel/s lap. and then pause& 4ames crumpled the article earlier today in his *it o* *rustration& May$e it/s still near the top o* the gar$age can& E)et me get it out o* the trash&G - head o#er to the kitchen. peer into the $asket. and pluck out the article, $all& - $ring it $ack to Shel and hand it to her& ESorry& - got a little upset&G EJnderstanda$le.G she says and takes the wadded up piece o* paper& - sit down opposite her. and )B makes her way $ack to my lap& - scratch $ehind her ears and concentrate on listening to her purr as Shel un*olds the $all and reads the news story& >hen she *inishes. she crumples it $ack up and tosses it across the room& E>ell. that/s +ust shitty.G she says& E>hy are men such morons?G - laugh& EGood Duestion& May$e we should $e asking oursel#es why we *all *or them in the *irst place&G Shel smiles. $ut then her amusement *ades& E@ow can - trust Matt a*ter this? @ow can you?G

- shake my head& E- ha#e to $elie#e he has a good reason *or keeping Cane/s secret& -* not. will gladly $e your accomplice in his murder&G - pause& ECid he try to e;plain himsel*? >hat happened?G Shel rearranges her $ody on the couch to get com*orta$le& E>e were hanging out at my place when he got the call *rom Cane& - take it he *ound out you knew?G E@e sent me a te;t tonight and asked how - was. so - told him& - said - was pissed. he asked why. and - told him to ask his *iancQe&G This makes Shel smile& E=ooo. nice&G E@e tried to call me. $ut - wouldn/t answer&G )B stretches out her *ront legs and kneads her paws against my thigh& E@e te;ted me again. and - promptly told him to lose my num$er& ha#en/t heard *rom him since&G E>ell. he must ha#e called Matt right a*ter&G She tosses her hair o#er her shoulder& EThey started to argue. which is weird *or them. and when Matt +umped o** the couch and started pacing. - knew something $ig was up& @e kept saying. E-t wasn/t me. it wasn/t me&G So. naturally. when he hung up the phone - asked him what was going on&G She grimaces& E>hen he told me. - lit into him a$out keeping this *rom you& @e knows what you/#e $een throughF The last thing you need is more heartache& At least i* he had told me the truth - could ha#e steered you away *rom Cane instead o* pushing you two togetherF -/m so mad at himFG - can/t help it and laughter escapes me& - slap my hand o#er my mouth& E>hat/s so *unny?G Shel asks& E-/m upset hereFG EHou.G - say with a smile& EHou +ust admitted to setting me up with Cane&G She rolls her eyes at me& E2lease& Hou knew that all along&G ETrue. $ut you rarely admit to anything&G -n the $eginning. Shel *ound creati#e ways to get Cane and - in the same place at the same time. all the while denying her Ein#ol#ement&G But. as time went on. she didn/t need to inter#ene anymore. and that was my own *ault& -/m responsi$le *or my own *eelings and my own actions& E>hat is it?G Shel asks& E>hat? 0othing&G EHou +ust went *rom laughter to sadness in. like. a second&G - sigh& E- do wish that Matt would ha#e said something. e#en i* he didn/t admit the whole truth& May$e he could ha#e +ust said Nhe/s not relationship material/ or something like that. instead o* going along with your plans& But e#en so. Cane/s the one who/s ultimately to $lame here& At least he is in my eyes&G Shel scoots o#er to sit closer to me and )B& EHou don/t $lame me then?G - *rown at her& E0oF >hy would you think that?G EBecause - was rooting *or Cane and Matt/s in#ol#edF - swear to you - didn/t know a$out Cane/s engagement& -* - had. you sure as hell would ha#e known too&G - gi#e her a reassuring look& E- know that& -t ne#er crossed my mind that either o* you knew& - promise&G <elie* #isi$ly *loods through my $est *riend and her shoulders rela;& EThank God.G she says& E- was $eating mysel* up the whole way here&G E-s that why you/re so upset?G - make a *ace& ECon/t $eF Calm down&G She laughs& EAt *irst all o* my anger was directed at Matt. $ut as - dro#e my thoughts started to turn to my part in this& )et/s +ust say it didn/t help things& - *eel so $ad. Em&G

E>ell. don/t& -/#e $een through worse& Besides. it/s not like Cane and - were a couple anyway& >e were *riends that should/#e stayed *riends& 0ow we/ll +ust $eInothing&G - hear the *amiliar chirp o* Shel/s phone. and we $oth glance in the direction o* her purse& E$et - know who that is.G - smile& She groans and gets up o** the couch& She searches through her $ag and *inds her phone. dismisses the call. and tosses it $ack in& E>hat are doing?G - ask& E>asn/t that Matt?G EHep&G EAren/t you going to talk to him?G E0ope&G ECome on.G - say and un*old my legs& They/re starting to go to sleep& This distur$s )B and she looks at me. annoyed& EHou should at least let him know where you are&G Then - hear my phone ring& >e look at each other and laugh& ECon/t answer it.G she says& - stand& E)et me at least see who it is&G - +og into the $edroom& E-t/s MattFG - holler to Shel& ECon/t answer itFG she yells $ack& - do as -/m toldA although. - don/t *eel good a$out it& - walk into the li#ing room& E@ow long are you going to $e mad at him?G - ask& EThat depends& @ow long are you going to $e mad at him?G EShel&G - gi#e her a condescending look& ECon/t *ight with Matt o#er me& Call your $oy*riend and make up&G She shakes her head de*iantly& E0o& @e needs to learn that i* he messes with you. he messes with me& >e/re all supposed to $e $est *riendsA we/re all supposed to ha#e each other/s $acks& >e don/t keep secrets that hurt one another&G - cross my arms and gi#e her a stern look& E- will not $e responsi$le *or the two o* you *ighting or worse& Call him&G E0ot right now&G EShelIG E@e needs to stew a$out things *or awhile& Men ha#e to $e trained. Em& @e needs to learn a lesson&G - look at her skeptically& E>hat is he. a dog?G She laughs& - gi#e up rationali(ing and $end o#er to pick up the crumpled Teagan article to deposit $ack in the trash& E- take it you/re spending the night then?G - ask as - head toward the kitchen& E>ould that $e okay?G - toss the $all into the gar$age can& E=* course&G >hen - return to the li#ing room. - *ind Shel sorting through my meager collection o* CKCs& EMo#ie night?G - ask& She nods enthusiastically& E)et/s camp out on the *loor and watch mo#ies like we used to when we were kids& >e can gorge oursel#es on popcorn and other +unk& Sound good?G ESounds awesome&G - mo#e to gather my purse and smile& EGo wipe that mascara o** your *ace and let/s get some snacks&G

Shel and - returned *rom the store with three $ags o* +unk *ood. plus a new mo#ie to watch& - don/t know why we *elt we had to purchase The -ucky .ne. $ecause it/s a lo#e story and that/s

the last thing we need right now& But Shel heard it was good. and - hadn/t seen it either. so we got it& >e also $ought a large assortment o* sweet and salty snacks M chips. popcorn. pret(els. red licorice. gummy $ears. and. o* course. chocolate& Hou can/t go wrong with Twi;. M%M/s. and Butter*ingers& >e mo#ed my small co**ee ta$le out o* the way and pulled my $lankets and pillows o** the $ed to set up our EcampG on the *loor in *ront o* the tele#ision& A*ter we changed into pa+amas and set out our snacks picnic style. - pressed play on the CKC. and we proceeded to get lost in the relationship o* Beth and )ogan& Around two in the morning. with the mo#ie o#er and our stomachs stu**ed. we called it a night& EThanks *or letting me stay.G Shel says to me in the darkness& EHou/re always welcome here& Con/t e#er Duestion it&G She yawns& E0e;t time you need to come out to my place&G E>ill do.G - say sleepily& - dri*t o**. $ut a*ter an hour or so. - wake up needing the $athroom& -t must $e *rom all the Coke - drank& - pull mysel* o** the *loor and la(ily shu**le to the $athroom. cursing my $odily *unctions& -/m so tired& - wonder what it would $e like to not ha#e to do this anymore& The ne;t time - see 4ames -/ll ha#e to ask him i* he misses going to the $athroom& >hen - sit down. the toilet seat is *ree(ing and the *eeling wakes me up a $it& As - sit there. my mind wanders to Matt and Shel& - wish they wouldn/t *ight o#er me& -t/s stupid. really& -* anyone should $e *ighting. it/s me and Matt& =r me and Cane& >ait& >e are *ighting& Back to me and Matt& Cid - mention - was tired? As - lea#e the $athroom. - ha#e a thought& May$e - can help *i; this& - tiptoe to my purse and pull out my phone& Shel made me turn it o** a*ter we got $ack *rom the store as to a#oid any more calls *rom Matt& - sneak $ack into my $edroom and turn it on& - ha#e three #oicemail messages& $Emma' It%s "att. I kno& you%re u#set. +lease call me.( $"e again. Do you kno& &here Shel is' I%m &orried. Call me.( $./viously you%re /eyond angry. I%m sorry. +lease tell me that Shel is &ith you. She &on%t ans&er her #hone. .kay. !ye.( - send him a Duick te;t. which was my plan all along& @e/s pro$a$ly asleep. $ut he/ll see it in the morning& Shel is here. At least he/ll know where she is and stop worrying& - set my phone down and head $ack out to the li#ing room to go to sleep& As soon as my head hits the pillow. my phone chimes. telling me - ha#e a message& EShootFG - whisper to mysel*& The last thing - need is *or my phone to wake up Shel& -t will go o** a least *our times i* - don/t check it& - get up as *ast as - can without waking her. taking huge steps like an idiot to get to my $edroom Duickly& - snatch the phone *rom my nightstand& -t/s Matt& Thank .od. "m on my way. >hat?F 0oF Shel will kill meF hat are you doing awake?3 You cant drive here in the middle of the night3 "m up worrying anyway. >hat do - say? That she doesn/t want to see to him? You +,$$1T come here. *ane is with me. He wants to see you. =h. hell noF *ont you *,5) bring him here3

Be reasonable. You be reasonable3 -t/s late and -/m tired& - don/t want to argue right now& All - was trying to do was ease Matt/s worryA which - now reali(e was a mistake& And what is Cane doing with him at this hour? >hat are they. attached at the hip? How mad is she? 6ery. How mad are you? )#tremely. - wait and there is no response& - imagine the two o* them getting in the car *or the long dri#e out here& A $all o* ner#es *orms in my $elly and sits there like a rock. or may$e it/s all the +unk - ate coagulating in one spot& 2ro$a$ly a com$ination o* $oth& Man. - really screwed this up& - switch the phone to #i$rate. in case it goes o** again $e*ore daylight& - stand to go $ack to our campsite& @ow am - going to sleep now? Bu((& "ll see you in a few. - could cry& $1. *ont worry. "m alone.

- $arely manage to sleep the rest o* the night in anticipation o* Matt/s arri#al& -* he le*t when he said he did. he should $e here soon& - look o#er at Shel. who is sleeping peace*ully. and imagine her wrath when she *inds out& - contemplate waking her. so we can make a run *or it& -nstead. - decide to get up and get dressed& >hen -/m decent. - lea#e the apartment to wait $y the *ront door *or Matt& - don/t want him pressing the intercom and waking Shel& - lean against the sidelight. peering through the window. so - can see him when he arri#es& - pick at my cuticles to pass the time and silently wonder i* 4ames will #isit today& @e was so e;cited yesterday and. the more - think a$out it. so am -& -* Garrett is partially human. what could that mean *or us? >ho knew that was e#en possi$le? My light is temporarily $locked $y a passing shadow. and - turn to open the door Duickly& Matt +umps as my action startles him and he *ree(es. his *inger ho#ering o#er the intercom $utton& - gi#e him a stern look. step outside. and close the door $ehind me& @e rela;es& EEm. -IG E>ait&G - stop him $e*ore he can say anymore& - cross my arms and take a step *orward. looking up and down the sidewalk to make sure he came alone& Matt sighs& E@e/s not here&G - turn to *ace him. raise my eye$rows. and snap. EAt least you listened to one thing - said&G @e runs his hand through his hair& E- +ust want to make things right& This is killing me&G - take a moment to really look at him. and he does look worn& @is usually styled hair *alls *lat against his head. his eyes are red *rom lack o* sleep. and his clothes are wrinkled and unkempt& Gee(. it hasn/t e#en $een 25 hours& EMatt. - only contacted you so you wouldn/t worry& 0ot to make you come out here&G EShel can/t a#oid me i* -/m here and neither can you.G he says and puts his hands on his hips& E- *eel terri$le. and - deser#e a chance to e;plain. to apologi(e& -s she awake?G

EShe/s sound asleep and has no idea you/re here& Co you know how much trou$le -/m going to $e in when she *inds out?G E- won/t tell.G he says. trying to look innocent& E>e can pretend like - took a chance that she was here and +ust showed up&G ELine&G - pull my keys *rom my pocket and unlock the *ront door& - step inside and warn him. EThis may not $e pretty& Are you prepared?G @e grimaces& EAs much as -/ll e#er $e&G EGi#e me a minute and then press the intercom.G - tell him& E-t/ll pro$a$ly wake her and she/ll $e none the wiser&G EGot it& And thanks&G - gi#e him a sarcastic smile and close the door& - head to my apartment and enter as Duietly as possi$le& - creep o#er to Shel. and she/s still asleep on the *loor& - $arely take two steps away *rom her when the intercom $u((es. making me +ump& -mpatient much? Shel stirs. $ut doesn/t open her eyes& - pick up )B. who has le*t the co(y com*ort o* Shel/s side. and head to let Matt in. lea#ing my apartment door open& >hen we return. Shel is sitting up and ru$$ing her eyes& She takes one look at us. $links to *ocus. and then opens her mouth& E>hat the hell?G E-t/s not Emma/s *ault.G Matt rushes to de*end me& E- *igured you would $e here&G Shel throws o** the $lanket and gets to her *eet& E>hat part o* my not answering your calls didn/t you understand?G E- needed to see you& - was worried&G @e looks genuinely concerned. as i* he thought Shel might ha#e *led the country& E-/m a $ig girl& -/m *ine& 0ow lea#e&G EShelIG he pleads& E-/m seriousFG she shouts& - hate to see them *ight. especially when it/s o#er something to do with me& - speak up& EGuys. stopF -/m the one who should $e mad. not you&G They turn around& EThis is $etween Cane and me&G - put )B down and gi#e Matt a hard look& EAlthough. it would/#e $een nice to ha#e had some warning&G Matt grimaces& ECane is my *riend MG ESo is EmmaFG Shel snaps& Matt closes his eyes then opens them slowly& @e takes a deep $reath& E>hen he told me he was starting to ha#e *eelings *or you. - told him he had to tell you& Cemanded it. actually&G @e glances at Shel then $ack to me& E@e assured me that he was going to $reak things o** with TeagsA he said he didn/t lo#e her anymore& Said may$e he ne#er did&G ETeags?G - ask& My mind *lashes $ack to the day o* my *ight with Cane. when - was packing up to mo#e to >estern& >hen he told Matt. $I%m headed to the air#ort. Teags &ill /e here in a fe& hours.( E>e/#e $een calling her that since high school.G Matt says& EEm. the girl has $een gone *ore#er& - was surprised to hear that she was *inally coming home& Then you and Cane stopped speaking to each other. and - thought $ringing it up now wouldn/t do any good& -t/s really not my place i* you two aren/t together&G - stare at him in silence. digesting what he has said& E@ow did you *ind out anyway?G he asks&

Shel and - make eye contact and - nod. gi#ing her the go ahead to e;plain& EShe got a newspaper article in the mail. a spotlight piece on Teagan a$out her trip& The end o* it talked a$out the engagement&G Matt looks at me. con*used& E>ho sent you that?G E- ha#e no idea&G Matt takes a *ew steps toward me& EEm. Cane is wrecked o#er this& @e *eels horri$le that you didn/t hear a$out it *rom him personally& Hou should really talk to him&G EAh. not gonna happen.G - say adamantly& E@e $asically cheated on her with me& Besides. he/ll $e *ine& @is woman is home to take care o* him now&G Matt lets out a sharp laugh& E>hat? -s there trou$le in paradise?G ETeagan isn/t e;actly the maternal. caring type&G E>hat are you trying to say?G Shel asks& EThat she/s a raging $itch.G Matt says matter,o*,*actly& EShe always has $een& -/#e ne#er liked her&G - can/t help $ut smile as images *rom the show !ride0illas *lash through my mind& E>ell. guess that will make *or an interesting wedding&G Matt shakes his head& E>ho says there/s going to $e a wedding?G

Chapter 1&
By early e#ening. -/m sitting cross,legged on my $ed. *inishing an assignment *or Communications in Business& =n the *loor. )B plays with the discarded edges o* my note$ook paper as - $rainstorm ways to di**erentiate $etween the ad#antages and disad#antages o* non, #er$al communication& -t/s not a ri#eting topic& This a*ternoon. Matt and Shel le*t on $etter terms& Shel was still a little salty. $ut -/m not sure i* her mood was an act or not& She may still $e doing that whole EMatt needs to $e trainedG thing& Matt repeatedly apologi(ed o#er $reak*ast. a*ter we decided to go out to eat instead o* consuming the le*to#ers o* our +unk *ood picnic& There was a lot o* eye rolling on Shel/s part. especially when Matt re*used to ela$orate on his statement regarding Cane/s possi$le wedding& @e said it wasn/t his place to discuss Cane/s $usiness and that it would $e $est i* - called Cane to let him e;plain what/s going on& - know what he/s doingA he/s trying to $ait me into speaking to him again& >ell. -/m not going to *all *or it& - ha#e too many con*licting *eelings when it comes to CaneA now is as good a time as any to cut o** any and all contact& -/ll stay o** that emotional rollercoaster. thank you #ery much& Suddenly. - hear this horrid gurgling noise coming *rom $eside my $ed& - throw mysel* o#er to the edge to witness )B throwing up on the *loor& E)BFG - e;claim with worry as - sit there. stunned& She *inishes retching. $acks up a *ew steps. and starts to clean hersel* as i* nothing happened& - $end o#er the $ed *urther to e;amine her #omit pile and it appears she decided to eat the paper remnants instead o* +ust play with them& E<eally?G - scold her. annoyed& She stops washing to look at me innocently& E- thought you were sick.G - grum$le as - slide o** the $ed to *ind something to clean up the mess& - return with a damp dish rag and some paper towel *rom the kitchen and set to taking care o* the grossness& )B apologetically ru$s against me& E0o more paper *or you.G - tell her and pick up the last $its *rom the *loor. the ones she didn/t eat& E)et/s stick to pet store toys *rom here on out&G A*ter - discard e#erything. - decide to turn on some music while - *inish my homework& plug my phone into the dock in my room and shu**le my way through my *a#orite playlist& select Maroon 6/s E2ayphoneG and hum along. attempting to complete my dull assignment& @al*way through the song - hear laughter& Lemale laughter& - pause to listen. $ut don/t hear it again& - shake it o** and continue writingA it was pro$a$ly in the song and - ne#er noticed it $e*ore& A minute later. - hear it again& >hat the heck? - lean o#er and turn down the music. listening *or the mysterious laughter sound& - wonder i* Samantha and Todd are $eing o#erly loud upstairs& Mo#ement in my peripheral #ision catches my attention. and - turn to see 4ames taking *orm on the opposite side o* the room& - start to get up o** the $ed to greet him. $ut then stop as - reali(e he is with other people& 2eople -/#e ne#er met $e*ore& E@i.G he smiles $roadly and walks around my $ed to $e closer to me& @is guests *ollow& Ewanted to introduce you to some *riends&G - rearrange my *ace to o**er a smile at the two women 4ames has $rought with him& =ne woman is petite. with straight. shoulder,length. *iery red hair. and a dash o* *reckles& @er eyes

are an odd shade o* $rown. almost caramel. and she wears a so*t yellow peasant $louse and em$roidered $ell,$ottom +eans& She can/t $e much older than si;teen& The other woman is tall. almost as tall as 4ames/ 6/!! inch *rame. with striking $lue eyes that remind me o* the Mediterranean& @er dark $rown hair *alls in shiny wa#es to her lower $ack. and she wears a cream colored sundress that *alls +ust a$o#e the knee. the style showing o** her toned arms and legs& The color complements her sun,kissed skin tone. and - notice she/s wearing cow$oy $oots as well& EThis is 4enna.G 4ames nods to his le*t indicating the red,haired girl& EAnd this is Meg.G he nods and smiles to the woman standing at his right& 4enna twists her *ingers together ner#ously as Meg con*idently steps *orward and e;tends her hand& E-t/s a pleasure to meet you.G she says with a slight southern twang& - tentati#ely take her hand to shake it. standing as - do& She *eels +ust as cold as 4ames. $ut the consistency o* her hand somehow *eels more solid& E-t/s nice to meet you too.G - say Duietly. somewhat stunned that - am meeting yet another Guardian& Meg releases my hand and steps $ack. *lipping her long hair o#er one shoulder and re#ealing a per*ect white smile& Gee(. could she get any prettier? - suddenly *eel sel*,conscious in my sweatpants and old Muse t,shirt& Meg glances at 4enna and nods toward me& EJm. hi.G the girl says shyly& - gi#e her a genuine smile. hoping to make her *eel more com*orta$le& EThese two were on their way to check in with Garrett.G 4ames says& E- was headed to see you. so we came together&G E=h.G - say. *or a lack o* anything $etter& E@e was pretty an;ious to get here.G Meg says with a laugh& E>e won/t keep you&G She steps around 4ames and nudges 4enna/s arm& She looks $ack to *lash us another ama(ing smile& ESee y/all&G - say EokayG lamely. and 4ames gi#es them a small wa#e as they turn together and walk through my $edroom wall& -/m sure - look dum$*ounded& >hen - *eel his cool arms wrap around my waist. - snap to attention& E>hat is it?G 4ames asks& E-/m ne#er going to get used to that&G @e leans in to me& E>alking through walls is no $ig deal&G E0ot that.G - say and then correct mysel*& E>ell. yes that. $ut what - meant was other people appearing in my personal space&G - gi#e him a stern look& E-* you/re going to $ring company $y could you at least warn me? - look like crap&G @e grins& EHou ne#er look like crap&G - look down at my com*y ensem$le and then $ack at him& EAll o* you look really nice.G - say. pouting& EMeg is gorgeous and 4enna is super cute& Thomas is all $usiness,like& >hat happens when you die? Coes e#eryone get some sort o* a*ter,li*e makeo#er?G 4ames laughs& E>e/re stuck with what we/re $uried in. Em& =* course we/d ha#e on nice clothes&G - gi#e 4ames a once,o#er. raising my eye$rows& EHour mother allowed you to $e $uried in a polo and +eans?G - ha#e a hard time $elie#ing this& @is mother is soI&uppity& EActually.G he smiles. Eshe wanted me in a suit& My dad wanted me in my hockey +ersey& They compromised and went with what you see here&G

- gape at him& - knew he checked in with his parents *rom time to time. $ut - didn/t know it had started so soon a*ter the accident& @is casket was closedA - ne#er sawI- swallow& - despise thinking o* that day& The day o* my meltdown. the day it hit me that 4ames was gone *ore#er& E@ey.G he says so*tly. concerned& =ur $ond must gi#e away my emotions. so - shake them away& - step $ack and tip my head. assessing his out*it in *urther detail& E>ell. -/m glad your mother didn/t get her way.G - say appreciation& EHou/#e ne#er $een a suit kind o* guy& Besides. all those layers would ha#e co#ered up this&G - reach out with one hand and touch his chest. running my *ingers o#er his much more prominent pectorals& E@a#e you $een working out?G - ask. engrossed& @e inhales sharply& E0o&G My eyes *ollow my *ingertips as - trail them slowly down his side& EThen what/s going on?G E-t/s a side e**ect&G My *ingers tra#el across his now de*ined a$dominal muscles and up the opposite side o* his $ody& E=* what?G EMy strength as a Guardian&G My hand lands $ack where it started and - meet his $lue eyes& E@ow strong will you get?G @is hands land on my hips and he pulls me to him& EApparently not strong enough&G @is mouth meets mine and mo#es against me insistently. *rigidly& - e;pect him to stop a$ruptly. like the last time we kissed this way. $ut he doesn/t& - can/t stop my pulse *rom racing& @e puts pressure on my hips and turns me. pressing me $ack& My leg hits the $ed. and - tense up so - won/t *all& @e *eels my reaction and mo#es his hands to my waist to steady me. his mouth disappearing *rom mine& -t reappears $eneath my ear and leisurely tra#els down my throat while his hands slide *rom my waist around to my $ackside& All o* my ner#es +ump to attention& E- thought you said this wasn/t a good idea.G - $reathe& E-t/s not.G he says against my neck& @e leans into me and pushes me $ack. *orcing me to reach out and $race mysel* against the $ed& - try to do this grace*ully. $ut - end up *alling right on top o* my te;t$ook and notes& The $inding o* the $ook slams against my $ack& E=wFG 4ames releases me suddenly& E>hat happened?G - roll onto my *ront& E- landed on my $ook&G - start to laugh. then whine. EThat hurt&G =nly - would do something this idiotic& E>here/d you land on it?G he asks& - reach around and point to the middle o* my $ack& E<ight there. on my spine&G @e li*ts my shirt and reaches $eneath it. pressing his cool hand against my skin& E<ight here?G EHes&G - swallow& E>hat are you doing?G E0o need *or an ice pack with me around&G - can hear the smile in his #oice& - try to look o#er my shoulder. eye$rows raised& EAre you sure that/s your only moti#e?G @e laughs and then sighs& E- miss you&G E-/m right here&G E0o& - mean - miss you.G he says. emphasi(ing his utterance o* miss. so - pick up on his innuendo& - mo#e through his hand and roll o#er on to my $ack. propping mysel* on my el$ows& - look at him Dui((ically&

@e gi#es me hal* a smile& ECo you ha#e a Duestion?G - sit up& EHou/re getting stronger&G @e nods& EHou *eel di**erent than you did $e*ore. and Meg/s hand *elt e#en more solid than yours&G tip my head& E>hat else is changing? @ow *ar could you ha#e taken this?G - gesture $etween us& 4ames gi#es me a resigned sigh& EJn*ortunately. not *ar enough&G @e gathers my $ooks *rom the $ed. sets them on the *loor. and sits down $eside me& EHou know we can/tI- can/tIG EHou/#e said that $e*ore&G - twist my $ody and lean o#er to kiss his cheek& ESo why are you acting like this?G E=ld ha$its die hard. - guess&G @e gi#es me a guilty smile& - ru$ my hand reassuringly against his $ack& EHou/re going to get into trou$le.G - remind him and then mo#e to the head o* my $ed. so we can lie down together& - curl mysel* into him and change the su$+ect& E>ill you *eel more solid e#entually. like Meg?G EThe way Meg *eels is the most Nsolid/ -/ll get.G 4ames says& E>e reach our *ull *orm in a$out si; months. $ut Meg/s $een a Guardian *or nearly *orty years&G - look at him. impressed& EShe ages well.G - +oke& E-s there a $each in the -ntermediate?G @is $row *urrows& E>hat do you mean?G EMeg has a nice tan& She must lay out&G 4ames sti*les a laugh& E0o. there/s no sun$athing in the -ntermediate& There are $eaches. though. when The Allegiant *eel like recreating them&G E@uh?G - ask. perple;ed& EThe Allegiant decide what each day will look like.G 4ames e;plains& EHesterday. the landscape was 2aris at night. complete with a *au; Ei**el Tower. $istro chairs. and gas street lamps& The day $e*ore that was a random spring meadow. dotted with lilacs and tulips& - sat $eneath a weeping willow tree&G E<eally?G @e nods& E-/#e walked along the edge o* a recreated Grand Canyon and wandered through mossy *orests& >hy? >hat did you think it looked like?G - shrug& EBright. with *lu**y white clouds&G @e smiles& E0oA there/s no *lu**y white clouds&G )B decides to +oin us. +umping up on to the $ed at our *eet& >e watch her as she la(ily makes her way $etween us& She *inds a com*orta$le spot and curls against my $elly& 4ames scratches $ehind her ears and she purrs loudly& ESo. how/s Shel?G he asks. mo#ing his hand to scratch under her chin& EBetter.G - say& EMatt showed up and they talked& She still seemed a $it testy when they le*t. $ut knowing Shel she/ll get o#er it soon enough&G E>hat were they *ighting a$out?G - groan& ECane&G 4ames stops petting )B& E@uh?G - *igure it/s okay to tell 4ames a$out Matt/s secrecy since it doesn/t upset me that much anymore& EMatt knew Cane was engaged and he didn/t $other to share the in*ormation& Shel was upset $ecause she thought he should ha#e told me&G 4ames/ *ace twists& EHeah& - agree&G E@e was under the impression that Cane was $reaking it o**&G ECid he $reak it o**?G

E>ho knows?G - say and shi*t my weight& E-t doesn/t matter&G 4ames gi#es me a knowing look. and - decide not to talk a$out Cane anymore& ETell me what happened last night.G - ask& ECid you meet that 4oss person?G @e nods& E- think you would like her& She/s older. like Thomas& @er real name is 4oslyn. $ut e#eryone calls her 4oss&G EAnd?G - press& EThomas asked what she heard *rom Meg. $ut then took the opportunity to introduce me to her as well and get the in*ormation *rom the source&G E>ait&G -/m con*used& E@ow is it that you don/t already know these people?G 4ames smiles& EE#eryone has a Guardian remem$er? The -ntermediate has +ust as many Guardians as there are people on the planet&G ESounds crowded&G E0ot any more so than here&G @e mo#es to prop himsel* on his el$ow and his eyes light up& EThis group o* us. we ha#e to stay scattered& Talk discreetly and meet in di**erent locations& A large group continually disappearing together would $e noticed&G EAnd that would $e $ad. right?G 4ames gets more animated as he speaks& E-* The Allegiant *ind out what Garrett/s done and disco#er who/s protecting him. they ha#e ways o* making us talk& They will want to know where he is and will try to stop him $e*ore he/s completely <e$orn& >e/ll all $e punished&G - prop mysel* up to meet his eyes& ESo what do you ha#e to do?G E'eep Garrett hidden& Ouell any rumors and keep him updated. in case he needs to relocate& The more time goes on. the more it will $e noticed that Garrett is missing& Guardians +ust don/t up and disappear *ore#er&G E'eep him hidden *or how long?G - ask& EA$out si; months&G E@uh.G - say. as my mind turns o#er what he has shared& ESi; months to $ecome a *ull Guardian and si; months to undo it&G - meet his eyes and whisper. ECo you know how it/s done?G 4ames *rowns and shakes his head& EGarrett won/t share the method& 0o one knows e;cept him and his $rother& @e doesn/t want us re#ealing anything in case we/re Duestioned&G EGarrett has a $rother?G - ask. surprised& 4ames nods& E- ha#en/t met him yet. $ut - will soon&G E>ow&G - lie $ack down& EThis is +ustIit/s +ust cra(y&G 4ames leans o#er me and he regards me with a smirk& E>hat?G - ask& EHou/re really en+oying this co#ert operation. aren/t you?G ECamn right&G @e $reaks into a grin& E=* course you are.G - grimace& ECon/t get caught& -t worries me&G @e mo#es closer& E- wouldn/t think o* it.G he says and kisses my *orehead& >hen he leans $ack he/s smiling like a little kid who +ust got away with stealing a cookie $e*ore dinner& E>hy are you so happy? Hou ha#en/t $een this rela;ed since you came $ack&G EBecause.G he leans in to me again. Ei* Garrett succeeds. - plan on $eing human again. too&G

>hen Garrett didn/t show up *or Ethics on either Tuesday or Thursday. - was concerned& >hen he didn/t show up *or our tutoring session on Lriday. - was annoyed& 4ust $ecause - know what/s going on doesn/t mean - still don/t need help with my Stats homework& -t would ha#e $een com*orting to see him in our regular setting& - ha#en/t had a chance to speak with him one on one since last week and. *or some reason. it $others me& May$e -/m +ust worried that i* don/t see him something terri$le has happenedA 4ames can only check in with me so o*ten& - do want Garrett to succeed and *or purely sel*ish reasons& There is a way *or 4ames to come $ack to me M really come $ack to me& >e need this to work *or us& -t/s Saturday a*ternoon and the *all weather has o**icially arri#ed& - know - ha#e a so*t. com*y cardigan somewhere and. as - ri*le through my closet. - come across the household items - purchased *or Garrett& -/d *orgotten a$out the $ags $ecause - mo#ed them out o* the way when Shel was here. to make room *or our campsite picnic& - smile to mysel*& - +ust *ound an e;cuse to stop $y my neigh$or/s apartment. to make sure e#erything is okay. without appearing nosy& A*ter *inding my sweater. - knock on Garrett/s door with the $ags in my hands& - hope he/s home& - ha#en/t seen 4ames in a couple o* days and knowing e#erything is mo#ing along as planned would $e a com*ort right now& The door cracks open and turDuoise eyes appear& EHes?G Garrett reali(es it/s me and opens the door wider& E=h. hi Emma&G - raise my eye$rows& EHou *orgot our tutoring session yesterday&G @e presses the palm o* his hand against his *orehead& E- completely *orgot& -/m so sorry&G @e steps $ack and *ully opens the door& - walk inside. and he shuts the door $ehind me& ECid you $ring your $ook? - ha#e time to go o#er some things now i* you want&G E0o&G - hold up the $ags& E- +ust came $y to gi#e you this&G And make sure you%re still around. - think& E>hat is it?G - set the $ags down $y my *eet& EThe things - $ought *or you $e*ore the $ar incident&G Garrett smiles& E- remem$er& The stu** that made you sing&G My *ace *lushes in em$arrassment& E<ight& <emind me ne#er again to drink anything with teDuila in it&G - open the *irst $ag& E=kay& So - got you a com*orter *or your $ed. a shower curtain. and some hangers&G - open the second $ag& EAnd some dishes. some $athroom towels. and this&G - pull out the o#en mitt and laugh& EHou/ll need this e#entually& Hou can/t gra$ hot pans with your $are hands *ore#er&G @e steps *orward and takes the o#en mitt *rom me& EThanks.G he says and *ondly looks at the mitt& E>hen you/re a Guardian *or 79 years you tend to *orget a lot o* human things&G - try not to look surprised& ESi;ty,eight years?G EAnd 56 days.G he adds& - *rown& EHou hated it that much?G @e gi#es me hal* a smile& E- didn/t use to&G @e $acks up a *ew steps and rests against the arm o* my old lo#eseat& EBut when certain things pass you $y. things you were counting onIG he hesitates& E)et/s +ust say it/s easy to $ecome disenchanted& Being $ound *or eternity starts to *eel a littleIclaustropho$ic&G - think - understand& Garrett/s lo#e chose not to release him& E>ho was she?G - Duietly ask& Garrett pauses *or a moment and then looks down. turning the o#en mitt o#er in his hands& EShe was my e#erything.G he says so*tly& E- didn/t think twice when - was o**ered the Choice&G EThe choice to $ecome a Guardian?G

Garrett looks up and nods& EThere was no way - could re*use the chance to stay in her li*e& Especially when - le*t the way - did&G My *ace *ills with sympathy& E>hat was her name?G EAmelia.G he says. a small smile *lickering across his lips& EShe sounds $eauti*ul&G Garrett $reaks out into a grin. and his turDuoise eyes seem to glow $righter& E=h. she was.G he says and ad+usts his weight on the arm rest as i* physically energi(ed $y the memory o* her& EAnd she knew it too&G @e gestures *or me to take a seat. and - do& - want to hear this story& E@ow/d you meet?G - ask& E=n the street.G he laughs. remem$ering& EShe was actually seeing my $rother at the time. $ut - hadn/t met her yet& - was in town running some errands *or my grandmother. walking down the sidewalk. and out o* nowhere comes this *eisty $runette&G @e shakes his head& EShe was headed right *or me with this murderous e;pression& - had no idea who she was&G - imagine Garrett standing in a sea o* people on a sidewalk and the crowd parting as Amelia strides toward him& - can see him glancing $ehind himsel*. perple;ed. wondering who she/s headed *or& The idea makes me smile& EShe marched right up to my chest. pointed her tiny little *inger in my *ace. and ripped right into me in *ront o* e#eryone& She started accusing me o* standing her up to go out with some other girl named )inda&G Garrett shrugs& E- didn/t e#en know a )indaFG - laugh& ETurns out she/d mistaken me *or my $rother. thought - was 4ack.G he chuckles& E@e did ha#e Duite a reputation with the girls&G EShe thought you were your $rother? Hou two wereI?G ETwins.G Garrett says. *inishing my sentence& E-t caused us. well. me. Duite a *ew pro$lems in my time among the li#ing&G - smile& EThen what happened?G EShe came to her senses and decided - was the $etter o* the two $rothers.G he +okes& E>e were together *or almost two years& )i#ed and $reathed one another&G @e pauses& EThen 2earl @ar$or was $om$ed. and 4ack and - enlisted&G My *ace *alls& E-/m sure she wasn/t too pleased with that&G EShe wasn/t.G he says and stands. tossing the o#en mitt onto the co**ee ta$le& E>e *ought a$out it& But it was the thing to doA patriotism was running wild and - was se#enteen& The ne;t thing - knew - was at Lort Bragg and then deployed&G My chest $egins to ache as - stare at him& -/m certain - know how this story ends& EBe*ore - le*t. -/d promised to marry her.G Garrett sighs& EBut - didn/t ha#e enough money *or a ringIG he trails o**. and his e;pression suddenly hardens& E-t wouldn/t ha#e mattered& =maha Beach ended any real *uture *or us&G Tears +ump $ehind my eyes as - imagine how horri$le that must that ha#e $een& E>hat a$out your $rother?G Garrett gi#es me a distant look& E@e died *ighting right alongside me& >e didn/t e#en make it hal*way up the $each&G Suddenly. he smirks& E=#er,achie#er&G - don/t know i* he/s talking to himsel* or to me& E@e +ust had to $e *irst. thought he could take out the Germans single,handedly&G - *orce a smile& EAnd you had to $e $y his side. right?G @e *ocuses on my *ace& EHeah. like an idiot. *ollowing my older $rother&G

E=lder?G EBy three whole minutes.G he smiles& - return his smile. $ut it Duickly *ades& E-/m so sorry&G ECon/t $e&G @e returns to sit on the couch& E- ha#e a chance at another *uture now&G - nod and try to $link away the *ew tears that sit in my eyes& ECo you think you/ll always lo#e her? Amelia?G E- know - will.G he says matter,o*,*actly& EShe/ll always $e a part o* me& - watched o#er her until she passed& - witnessed her successes and her *ailures. her lo#es and her losses& E#en at nearly eighty years old she still held my heart&G @e sighs& EBut she didn/t choose me& And now it/s time to li#e *or mysel*&G - can sympathi(e with how he must *eel. spending years waiting *or your soul mate to +oin you only to $e re+ected in the end& Suddenly. understanding hits me like a ton o* $ricks& EThat/s why. isn/t it?G E-/m sorry?G EThat/s why you assigned me& To 4ames& Hou didn/t want what happened to you to happen to him&G Garrett eyes me warily& E-n part. yes&G -rritation starts to $u$$le in my chest& E-I&HouIG - try to sort out my thoughts& EAmelia didn/t choose you&G EThanks *or the reminder.G Garrett sco**s& @e gi#es me a knowing look& E4ust like you wouldn/t ha#e chosen 4ames&G My mouth *alls open& EHou don/t know that&G @e tilts his head& ECon/t -?G EHou ha#e no idea what my choice would ha#e $eenFG - stand and look down at him& E-/m not Amelia&G @e stands to *ace me& EHou *orget that -/#e known you +ust as long as 4ames has& - was there when you came into his li*e. and - was there when he le*t yours&G @e pauses& E- know a$out Cane&G All o* a sudden my *ace *eels hot& -s there anyone on this planet who doesn/t know a$out my personal li*e? ECane is irrele#ant.G - say in *rustration& E-/m talking a$out 4ames and me& Hou/#e made things e;tremely hard on himA on us& @e/s $een $eating himsel* up trying to stop lo#ing me&G Garrett annoys me $y crossing his arms and leaning into my personal space. as i* he is a teacher a$out to scold a student who thinks she knows it all& EAnd ha#e you e#er considered that you are the one to *ree him o* that?G - shoot him a $e*uddled look& EAll a Guardian wants M needs M is *or their >ard to $e happy and sa*e& Lor their >ard to lead a li*e well,li#ed& Lind it in yoursel* to mo#e on. show him you can *ind happiness& The less emotional you are the easier his +o$ will $e&G - shake my head& E- can/t mo#e on *rom 4ames&G ECan/t you? Think a$out it.G he says& EMo#ing on will allow him to per*orm his duty and allow you to ha#e a *ull li*e&G EHou +ust want him to stop lo#ing me. so he won/t draw attention to himsel* and your a$sence& - lo#e him& - always will&G

Garrett sighs& EAnd -/ll always lo#e Amelia& Emma.G he shi*ts his tone and tenderly reaches out toward me. Eseriously think a$out this& Con/t you want 4ames to $e happy too?G E=* course - want that&G E)ook. i* - were Amelia/s Guardian. - could ha#e $een as close to her as possi$le *or the rest o* her li*e& - could ha#e $een her $est *riend& -nstead. - ended up as a $oy*riend killed in a war. no longer needed. and pining away *or her *or eighty years& Trust me.G he says so*tly. Ewhat - did was the $est *or $oth o* you&G E-Iit/sIG - scowl& E- don/t see it that way&G Garrett nods& E- think you will as time goes on&G - take a deep $reath& - think it would $e $est i* - le*t& - didn/t come here to listen to how great it is that 4ames is my Guardian and how much $etter it would $e i* - a$andon him& Besides. what/s the point i* 4ames can $e human again? - start to walk around Garrett& @e reaches out and $rushes my arm& E@ey& Con/t go& - didn/t mean to upset you&G E0o. it/s okay& -t/s +ustIa lot to take in&G - make it to the door& E2lease don/t $e angry.G Garrett says. *ollowing me& - need to get out o* here& E- ha#e some other things - ha#e to do&G - nod toward the $ags on the *loor& E- hope you like your stu**&G @e looks $ack at his care packages and then meets my eyes& EThank you *or thinking o* me&G - try to smile and head out the door& ESee you in Ethics?G - ask& E-/ll $e sure to make it this week&G - nod and walk to my apartment without looking $ack&

Chapter 11
EAre you sure you/re okay?G A chill rocks my $ody *rom my head to my toes& -/m *ree(ing. yet sweaty. and co#ered $y a winter $lanket& 4ames stares at me. worried. *rom the other end o* the couch& E-t/s pro$a$ly a 25 hour thing.G - say and pull the $lanket tighter around my neck& - must look like a turtle with +ust my head e;posed& ECo you want me to get you something to eat?G =h no& Lood is the last thing - want right now& - shake my head. then look at him apologetically& E-/m sorry - ruined our day together&G 4ames/ #isits ha#e $een sporadic. and was looking *orward to spending some time with him& ECon/t worry a$out that&G @e *rowns& EMay$e you should see a doctor&G - roll my eyes& E0o. -/#e only *elt sick since this morning&G )ea#e it to me to get some sort o* *lu at the $eginning o* =cto$er. $e*ore the really cold weather and typical *lu season hits& 4ames gets up and crouches in *ront o* me. resting his hand against my *orehead& -t *eels arctic& E>hoa& E#en - can *eel how hot you are&G - take the opportunity to $e sarcastic& E- thought you already knew how hot - was?G @e smirks& E=h. - do& Hou look especially se;y wrapped in this cocoon&G @e looks $ack at my hal* empty glass o* water& EHou pro$a$ly need something like Gatorade& Co you want me to see i* Garrett has any?G EHeah. you pro$a$ly should&G - ha#en/t had anything $ut water since - woke up this morning& - ha#e a$solutely no desire to eat or drink anything& -/m due *or some more Motrin and washing it down with something other than water is pro$a$ly a necessity $y now& E=kay& -/ll $e right $ack&G 4ames *ades *rom #iew. not e#en $othering to walk out or through the door& - lie on the couch and wait. shi#ering. while trying to pick up in the middle o* an episode o* "y 1air ,edding &ith David Tutera& - can/t concentrate and end up +ust staring at the TK& - hate $eing sick& My eyelids start to *eel hea#y& =ut o* nowhere - hear 4ames/ #oice& E@e doesn/t ha#e any&G My eyes snap open& EBut - sent him to the store *or some&G @e walks in *ront o* me and sits on the edge o* the couch again& EHou didn/t ha#e to do that.G - say& E@e said it/s not a pro$lem&G - roll on to my $ack *rom my side and stretch& - toss the $lanket o** and start to get up *or some more pills& E>hat are you doing?G 4ames asks& EGetting some more medicine&G - slowly pull my legs o#er the side o* the couch& E)et me get it.G he says and +umps up. taking my water glass with him& - grate*ully lay $ack down& )B *inds me and hops up. stepping on to my shoulder to put her little nose in my *ace& E@ey )B&G She ru$s her head against my chin& E- lo#e you. too.G - tell her& 4ames returns *rom the $athroom& E@ere&G @e holds out two pills& - prop mysel* into a sitting position. which makes )B +ump o** the couch. and take the Motrin& @e hands me the glass o* water. and - swallow and smile& E- like it when you take care o* me&G

@e sits on the edge o* the co**ee ta$le& E-/m your Guardian& That/s my +o$&G @is response $others me. and - make a *ace& E- meant $y choice not $y *orce&G @e regards me *or a moment and his e;pression so*tens& E-/ll always take care o* you. no matter what&G @e takes the glass *rom my hands& EMay$e you should sleep some more&G - groan& -/#e $een sleeping most o* the day& - know - need it. $ut -/d rather stay awake while he/s here& <egardless. - scoot to lie down. and he tucks the $lanket around my neck again& @e kisses my *orehead Duickly and then sits at the other end o* the couch& - make it to another commercial during "y 1air ,edding and *eel mysel* dri*ting o**& ECan - change the channel?G he whispers& - nod into the pillow. which - mo#ed *rom my $ed to the couch this morning. and press mysel* against the cushions& 0ot that - would tell anyone. $ut -/m secretly grate*ul - ha#en/t yet $een a$le to e;change Cane/s $irthday present *or my old lo#eseat& -t/s de*initely more com*orta$le. and it gi#es me another place to lie down instead o* $eing trapped in my $ed& -/m +ust on the edge o* sleep when - hear another #oice& At *irst - think it/s the tele#ision. until - hear 4ames respond. EShe/s not *eeling well&G EAww. poor thing& - don/t miss getting sick&G - pry my eyes open and sDuint& Meg is standing in *ront o* 4ames all tall. toned. and tan& She looks one hundred times healthier than me and she/s $een dead *or years& E@ey.G - croak and start to sit up& E=h hun. don/t get up on account o* me.G Meg says. sounding like a southern $elle& She gestures *or me to lie $ack down& EHou look positi#ely misera$le&G - ignore her and ad+ust my $ack against the pillow& E>hat/s going on?G - ask cautiously& -* Meg is #isiting. something must ha#e happened& 4ames gi#es me a reassuring glance& E- *orgot - was supposed to meet with someone today& 0o $ig deal&G @e turns his attention to Meg& ETell 4ack -/ll get with him later&G E0ot an option.G a man says. appearing on the other side o* the room& My mouth *alls open in surprise as - take in Garrett/s $rother& @e is a$solutely identical to GarrettA the only di**erence is that he has $rown eyes instead o* turDuoise& @e/s dressed in army *atigues. and the last name A$ernathy is printed across the le*t side o* his chest& 4ames stands to *ace him& EThere/s nothing to discuss&G ECoesn/t matter&G 4ack crosses his arms and approaches the two Guardians& E>e ha#e a schedule& >e stick to it&G @e speaks in a clipped tone. o$#iously irate& - notice Meg roll her eyes& 4ames sighs and tosses the tele#ision remote on the co**ee ta$le& ELine& - o**icially ha#e nothing to report to you& Satis*ied?G 4ack/s $rown eyes *lit to me and then $ack to 4ames& @is e;pression hardens making me think - shouldn/t $e here. e#en i* this is my apartment& EThis is where you spend your time?G he asks. seemingly irritated& 4ames gi#es him a sideways glance& EHou know -/m Emma/s Guardian&G 4ack scowls& EThat doesn/t gi#e you *ree license& Hou know the rules&G =$#iously. 4ack does not appro#e o* 4ames spending time with me& =r is he alluding to the *act that he still lo#es me? My hands start to *eel clammy& 4ames stands taller& E- don/t answer to you&G 4ack takes another step and clenches his teeth& E- don/t want this mission compromised&G EAnd +ust how is it $eing compromised?G

4ack/s eyes dart to me again& @e stares at me with contempt as he clenches his +aw& -nwardly. - cringe& >hat ha#e - e#er done to this man? E)ook at me.G 4ames says roughly. *eeling my an;iety& 4ack *ocuses on 4ames& E'eep it in check. Ca#is.G he threatens& @e takes a step $ack and then *ades as Duickly as he appeared& Meg lets out a low whistle as 4ames turns to me& E>ell. that was *un&G E0ot really.G - say as - ad+ust my *eatures to look less worried& E- take it he doesn/t like me?G EMore like he doesn/t like lo#e.G Meg says with a hint o* a smile& E4ack/s wound pretty tight.G 4ames says and then glances at Meg& EMay$e tighter than usual?G Meg/s golden $rown shoulders rise and *all with a shrug& EHou.G 4ames says as he walks toward me. reaching out to *eel my *orehead again. Eare still really hot&G Meg giggles& - can/t help mysel*. and - shoot her an annoyed look& -s she laughing at the irony in that statement? - normally don/t look this terri$le& >ait& The last time she saw me - was in sweats and a t,shirt& - sigh& E)ie down and let the medicine work.G 4ames says& EHes. sir.G - say sardonically& EHou know. -/d $e asleep $y now i* your *riends would stop dropping $y&G >hoops& That came out a little harsher than - intended& 4ames pauses. pu((led $y my uncharacteristically $itter tone& E-/m sorry.G - say Duickly and gi#e them $oth a remorse*ul glance with my haggard green eyes& E-/m +ust tired and - *eel gross and 4ack was angryIG E-t/s all right. hun.G Meg says and steps $eside 4ames. so they/re $oth ho#ering o#er me& E-/d $e ornery too. i* - were you&G She *lashes her per*ect. da((ling smile& Man. she/s irritating me today& -t must $e the *lu& - shi*t mysel* to lie down as 4ames tucks the $lanket around me again& E-/m sorry.G - mouth& @e smiles& >hen he stands. Meg turns to him& ESo. when will you $e $ack?G she asks& ECepends& - want to make sure Emma is *eeling $etter $e*ore - go&G Meg glances *rom 4ames to me& ECo you mind i* - stay? My >ard/s $een pretty easy going and - ha#en/t watched TK in years&G She looks e;cited. like she/s +ust $een told *airies e;ist& EJmIG - really want to tell her no& E>e/ll $e really Duiet.G she nods innocently. Eand -/ll get you whate#er you need&G ,hat I need is time &ith James2 - think& But then. what are we really going to do anyway? -/ll $e sleeping while he watches me& @ow e;citing *or him& ESure.G - concede& E>hate#er you want&G EThank youFG she says enthusiastically. her southern accent growing thicker in her e;citement& She turns to pick up the tele#ision remote and hands it to 4ames& EShow me how this works.G she drawls& 4ames laughs& E>hen were you $orn again?G E!:6 & 0ow show me how it works&G Meg and 4ames mo#e opposite me. to stand directly in *ront o* the tele#ision& 4ames launches into his remote tutorial& E0ow this particular set is old. $utIG

- close my eyes and try to $lock them out& -t would $e ama(ing i* - could *all asleep instantaneously& - consider mo#ing to my $edroom. $ut then decide against it& This is my place. damn it. and i* - want to $e sick on my couch - will& E#entually. - *ade into a restless sleep& -/m $rought $ack to consciousness a *ew times. $y a word or a laugh. the loud sound *ollowed $y shushing& >hen the #olume returns to a whisper. *all $ack to sleep only to $e woken again& By the *i*th time. -/m o#er it& -t/s maddening& EGuysFG My eyes snap open and - prop mysel* up& - *ind 4ames seated at the opposite end o* the couch with Meg leaning against the arm rest. her hand casually resting against his arm& My eyes narrow and - wish - had the energy to get up and knock it away& E-& Can/t& Sleep&G enunciate each word& Meg pulls her hand $ack and stands& EShe/s right&G She looks at 4ames with remorse& E>e/re not $eing #ery polite&G EHou think?G - snap& She looks at me& E-/m sorry. Emma&G E-/m sorry. too.G 4ames says. his eyes registering my *eelings& @e/s knows -/m upset& -/#e really had enough o* $oth o* them. which - hate to say $ecause - treasure all o* my time with 4ames& But seriously? E>hy don/t you two +ust go.G - say and pound my pillow. *lu**ing it& ECheck on me later& Garrett should $e $ack any time with the Gatorade&G - *lop $ack down& 4ames gets up and stands o#er me& EHou really want me to go?G EHes& 2lease&G - close my eyes in reaction to what -/#e said and then open them again& EHou know what - mean& -/m +ust getting more and more irritated the worse - *eel& 2lease. +ust go *or now& Check on me tomorrowA -/m sure -/ll *eel $etter $y morning&G 4ames hesitates& EHou/re sure?G E0o.G Meg steps in& E-/ll go& Hou stay&G EJghFG - pick up the pillow and put it o#er my head to $lock them out& >hy don/t we stand around and argue a$out it? That will sol#e e#erythingF E-/ll see y/all later.G - hear Meg say. her #oice mu**led $y the pillowcase& - wait a moment and then pull my head out *rom under the *a$ric& 4ames is looking at me. pained& - sigh& E>hat?G EHou ha#en/t $een this angry in a while&G E- *eel like crap&G @e kneels down. so his eyes are le#el with mine& E- know& -/ll stay&G <eally. - +ust want to sleep& - look at him sincerely& E0o& Go do something producti#e with your time& -/ll $e *ine& Hou/ll know i* - need you. right?G @e nods and then gi#es in& E- guess - should $e seen. seeing as how 4ack was all $ent out o* shape&G - pick my head up and lean *orward. gi#ing him a so*t kiss on the *orehead& EThat/s a good Guardian&G @e smirks& - lay my head down& E2romise me -/ll see you tomorrow.G - say as - close my eyes& E- promise.G he says and gi#es me a Duick kiss good$ye&

-ncessant ringing wakes me& >hen - open my eyes. - know -/#e $een asleep *or a while $ecause it is pitch $lack in my apartmentA no light shines through the windows& My cell is lit up on the ta$le. going o** like cra(y& - la(ily scoot to the edge o* the couch and reach *or it. sDuinting when - read the screen& -t/s a*ter nine o/clock and Shel is calling& E@ello?G - answer. my #oice rough& EEm?G EHeah&G E>hat/s wrong with your #oice?G - ru$ my eye with the heel o* my hand& E- caught some sort o* *lu $ug& - *eel like road kill&G EAw& -/m sorryA - won/t keep you& - +ust wanted to let you know that Cane/s $irthday is this Saturday. the si;th. and he/s in#ited Matt and me to a party&G 1antastic. - think sarcastically& >hat do - care? EHou/re in#ited too. $ut - didn/t think you would come and neither did Cane. really& wanted to let you know in caseIG @er ram$ling $ecomes incoherent to me& @ell would ha#e to *ree(e o#er $e*ore - would go to Cane/s $irthday party& @as he lost his mind? EEm?G E@mm?G E>ill you $e mad?G EMad a$out what?G E- +ust asked you i* you would $e mad i* - went and you didn/t say anything&G - let out an e;asperated sigh& E0o. Shel& - don/t care i* you go to Cane/s party&G She sounds relie#ed& E=kay& - really don/t want to go $ut Matt/s going. and - ha#e no other choice i* - want to see him this weekend&G 3eah2 yeah. - think to mysel*& E2lus.G Shel/s #oice gets Duiet. E- can do a little recon&G As much as - hate to admit it. - am curious a$out little Ms& Teagan Meyer& EHou ha#e *un with that.G - say& - didn/t tell her to *ind out anythingI$ut - didn/t tell her not to either& E-/ll let you go. so you can rela;.G Shel says sympathetically& E- hope you *eel $etter soon&G EMe. too& Talk to you later&G E/'ay& Bye&G - end the call and toss the phone aside& Hawning and stretching. - look around in the darkness& - eye the door and wonder where Garrett is with the Gatorade& - pull mysel* o** the couch and shu**le my way to use the restroom& >hat a waste o* a day& =nce in the $athroom. - decide to take a shower $ecause my skin *eels sticky& May$e - can wash away this sickness& - stand under the warm water. allowing it to $eat against my neck. shoulders. and $ack& -t *eels com*orting& >hen my skin is su**iciently pruny. - get out and change into a *resh t,shirt and sleep shorts. deciding to spend the rest o* the night in my $ed& The sheets *eel cool against my warm skin. and - snuggle into them. allowing my mind to *ade and dri*t& Hou would think there would $e no more sleep to $e had. $ut - slip into unconsciousness again& This time is di**erent though. as my mind wea#es a dream out o* the day/s e#ents& EHou look $eauti*ul&G The skin o* my e;posed neck tingles as - hear Cane/s #oice $ehind me& - turn and *eel something $rush against me. low on my legs. and look down to see -/m wearing a *loor,length

coral gown& -ts strapless. with an empire waist. and it/s co#ered with a *lowered lace o#erlay& Celicate rose appliDuQs o* the same coral color are scattered o#er the $odice and throughout the *ull skirt& - place my hands on my hips and swing *rom side to side *or a moment& The so*t chi**on mo#es with me. $ack and *orth. mimicking the motion o* a $ell& -/#e ne#er worn anything so elegant& - li*t my eyes to *ind Cane walking toward me& @e wears a $lack tu;edo #est o#er a white dress shirt. which is tucked meticulously into a pair o* $lack pants& The collar o* his shirt and the ne;t *ew $uttons are undone. and he carries a $lack necktie in one hand and his tu;edo +acket in the other& ECan you help me with this?G he asks. grinning& - smile as he approaches me. and - reach out toward him& >hen he/s within arm/s length. set my hands against his shirt and scrutini(e the small clear $uttons& 0o wonder he/s ha#ing a hard time& - *asten the *irst. the second. and the third. making my way up his chest& >hen reach his collar. the shirt is tight around his neck. and - ha#e to wrestle with it a $it& - press my $ody against his as - concentrate on pushing the $utton through the *a$ric without choking him& @e sets his hands on my waist to steady me. still clutching the tie and his +acket. and my heart $egins to pound& E#en with the added items $etween us. - still *eel like he/s touching my $are skin& >hen - get the $utton *astened and lean $ack. he releases me and hooks one *inger o#er his collar. trying to stretch and loosen it& @e hands me the tie. and - loop it around his neck. tying it into a >indsor knot& EThank you *or doing this.G he says as - diligently work& - smile into his chest& - don/t know when - learned to tie a necktie. $ut - appear to $e #ery good at it& - tighten the knot under his collar and then smooth the tie. tucking it into his #est& step $ack to admire my work and to admireIwell. him& @is dark $rown hair is per*ectly styled to look care*ree. his +awline hints o* a *i#e o/clock shadow. and his ha(el eyes so*ten as they ga(e at me& @e swings the +acket around his shoulders and shrugs it on. *astening the one $utton at the waist& The +acket *its him per*ectly. like it was made speci*ically *or him. cut to accentuate his $road shoulders and narrow waist& @e turns to his right to check his attire in a *loor,length mirror and make any necessary ad+ustments& ETeagan doesn/t ha#e many *riends.G he says to my re*lection& E-t means so much to us that you agreed to $e a $ridesmaid&G =#er his shoulder. - catch my surprised reaction in the mirror and Duickly ad+ust my *eatures& - look down to a#oid his eyes and *ind there is a $outonniere in my hand& A single coral rose and o**,white calla lily are wound with ri$$on& ECo you mind?G he says. appearing in *ront o* me& - look up and *orce a tiny smile. pulling the stickpin *rom the $outonniere and placing the *lowers against his lapel& - work the pin through the *a$ric and the ri$$on. securing it in place& continue to look at the *lowers as - step away *rom him. a*raid to meet his eyes $ecause tears linger $ehind mine& EEm.G he says my name gently. stepping *orward& @e places his *ingers $eneath my chin to li*t my ga(eA his *ingers are hot against my skin& @e searches my *ace and then mo#es his hand to touch a tendril o* hair that has *allen *rom o* my messy chignon& @e starts to lean in to me and - close my eyes. e;pecting a kiss& -nstead he whispers in my ear. EHou had your chance&G - Duickly turn away. so he won/t see the tears that *all down my *ace& - keep my eyes closed *or *ew $rie* seconds and when - open them. - *ind mysel* standing in a large church. at the altar. in line with two other girls dressed identical to me& )ooking out o#er the congregation. -

see the pews are packed shoulder to shoulder with guests& My hands clench *rom ner#ousness. and - *eel a sharp pinch against my ring *inger& - pull my hand away and look down. reali(ing -/#e cut mysel* on a thorn *rom one o* the roses in my $ouDuet& The minister/s #oice $ooms. redirecting my attention& E- now pronounce you hus$and and wi*e& Hou may kiss the $rideFG My eyes *all on Cane as he and his new wi*e turn to *ace one another& - take in the sight o* her $ackA she is o#er*lowing in tulle. the train o* her dress spilling down the steps o* the altar to the *loor& The same rose appliDuQs that are on my dress dot hers. only in white. and her shiny $rown hair is art*ully swept around a sparkling tiara that sits on the crown o* her head& Cane leans *orward and kisses her romantically. swinging her to the side and dipping her low& The entire church erupts in thunderous applause& ECon/t you +ust want to cry?G - hear Shel ask *rom $eside me& - snap my head to the le*t. shocked to see her standing ne;t to me in the same coral gown& She wears a $eaming smile and tears o* happiness roll down her cheeks& - turn my attention to the $ride and groom +ust in time to see Cane release her *rom their kiss& She rights hersel*. and - can see her shoulders shaking with laughter& She twists her $ody to gra$ her *lowers *rom the *irst $ridesmaid in line and catches my eye& - inhale sharply when see her *ace& -t/s not Teagan& -t/s Meg& My knees crumple $eneath me. and - catch mysel* on the altar step. crushing my $ouDuet in the process& The wedding guests continue their rousing applause as Meg grasps Cane/s hand and leads him down the stairs& They pause as a photographer +umps into the aisle to take their picture& >hen he mo#es out o* the way. Meg glances o#er her shoulder and meets my wide,eyed stare& She is se#eral *eet away *rom me. $ut - still hear her loud and clear& E=h hun.G she says with a sickly sweet smile. Edon/t get up on account o* me&G The guests continue to applaud the happy couple and it roars in my ears& As they descend the aisle. - hold my head in my hands& - can sense the people lea#ing the church to *ollow the newlyweds& Slowly the clapping dies down until one lone person is le*t. their applause $ouncing o** the hollow church walls& - raise my head to *ind 4ames. alone in the *ront pew. $ringing his hands together methodically as i* clapping with sarcasm& @e stares at me with disdain and it $reaks my heart& My eyes *ly open and - spring up. $reathing hea#ily& - look around my $edroom. trying to *ocus. and hear a *rantic $anging at the *ront door& Startled $y the noise and my dream. untangle mysel* *rom the sheets and scram$le out o* $ed as *ast as - can& >hen - head through the li#ing room. - *lip the light switch. and then throw open the door& - catch Garrett mid,knock. and he almost loses his $alance& EEmmaF Good grie*F - was so worried&G The light hurts my eyes and - $link rapidly& - glance at his arms and he/s carrying two large $ottles o* red Gatorade& - step away *rom the door. so he can come inside& E- stopped $y twice tonight.G he says. walking *orward& E-* you didn/t answer this time - was calling an am$ulance&G - gi#e him a tired smile& E- was sleeping&G @e takes the initiati#e and walks through my apartment and into the kitchen& - *ollow as he places the plastic $ottles inside the re*rigerator door& EHou know. - had no idea what Gatorade e#en was.G he says& @e shuts the *ridge& ELrom the looks o* the la$el it can/t $e any $etter than my chicken noodle soup&G @e pauses& E@ow are you *eeling?G

- shrug and remain mute& - ha#e no words *or today& E@a#e you $een crying?G he asks. mo#ing toward me& - *eel my cheeks& They/re tacky& E- had a $ad dream.G - say Duietly& ECome here.G he says and mo#es past me. gra$$ing my hand as he does& - *ollow along lamely. too drained to care& @e leads me to my $edroom and then stands aside. gesturing toward the $ed& - crawl in and pull the sheet o#er my $ody. pressing my head against the pillow& @e leans o#er me& ECo you trust me?G - nod& =* course - do& @e places his hands on my head again. like he did $e*ore on the *irst day o* classes& E- know this isn/t reiki.G - mum$le& E<eally?G he smirks at me& EClose your eyes&G - do as -/m told& A #ery tiny. #ery $rie* wa#e o* cool air *lows through my $ody *rom my head to my toes. rela;ing me instantly& EGo to sleep.G Garrett says& ECream no more&G

Chapter 12
E>ell. when are you coming home to #isit?G - stir my chicken noodle soup around the $owl with my spoon& - should head home *or a weekend soon& - miss my *amily& E-/m not sure& >hen do you want me?G EBe*ore Thanksgi#ing.G my mother says. her #oice dripping with sarcasm& E>ait&G - hear papers $eing shu**led in the $ackground& EThe community center is ha#ing their @alloween party *or the kids in two weeks& -/#e $een roped into helping again this year&G - roll my eyes& My mother is ne#er roped into anything& She +ust can/t say no& E>e need #olunteersA it/s a >i(ard o* =( theme& >hat do you say?G @anging out with a $unch o* cute little kids and my mom? - think - can swing that& ESure& 2ut me down&G EGreatF 0ow who do you want to $e?G E>hat do you mean?G E>ho do you want to $e? All the #olunteers are dressing up& 2ick a character&G E- ha#e to dress up?G - make a *ace& - don/t own anything >i(ard o* =(ish& E>hat are my choices? >ho are you going to $e?G My mom laughs& EAuntie Em&G Aw& That/s *itting. although - kind o* think - should $e Em since -/m. well. Em& EHou don/t ha#e to decide now.G my mom says& EActually. let me get with Sophia and look at the sign,up sheet& -/ll let you know what/s le*t& A local theater group is supplying the costumes&G EThat/s cool.G - say and take a sip o** my spoon& The soup is starting to get cold& E@ey. can call you $ack later? My dinner is getting cold&G E=* course.G she says& E-/m glad to hear you/re *eeling $etter and eating&G - smile into the phone& My mom always wants to make sure -/m eating& E-/m almost one hundred percent&G -t/s $een *our days since the onset o* the craptastic *lu& By the second day. - ca#ed and called my mom whining a$out my sickness& She directed me to $ed. the use o* cold compresses. *lat Coke to settle my stomach. and the consumption o* clear *luids and 4ell,=& - recruited Garrett/s help $y asking him to pick up some items *rom the store& @e did so and more& @e made me a pot o* his homemade chicken noodle soup. and he/s $een camped on my couch since Thursday night to make sure -/m okay& -t/s now Saturday. and he still sits in my li#ing room. *lipping the channels $etween $ase$all games& E-/ll talk to you soon& )o#e you.G my mom says& E)o#e you. too.G - say and hang up& - care*ully li*t the soup $owl and carry it into the li#ing room *rom the kitchen. setting it down on the co**ee ta$le& E>as that your mom?G Garrett asks& - nod as - sit cross,legged on the *loor so -/m le#el with the ta$le& EHes& - ha#e to pick a character *rom the >i(ard o* =( to dress up as *or a @alloween party& >ho should - $e?G @e tilts his head and smiles& E- was *i*teen when that mo#ie came out and so in lo#e with 4udy Garland&G - laugh then try to look serious& E-/m shocked& >hat would Amelia say?G @e grins& E@ow/s that saying go? >hat you don/t know can/t hurt you?G

- smile as - chew& The soup is really good& EHou know. you should open a restaurant when you/re human& - know -/#e only tried the two soups. $ut - can/t imagine anything you make would $e $ad&G EThanks.G he says and leans *orward. propping his el$ows on his knees& E-/#e actually considered it&G @e looks at the tele#ision *or a *ew moments and then $ack at me& E-/m going to ha#e to get a +o$ e#entually. right?G EAren/t we all?G - say and swallow another spoon*ul& Suddenly. - remem$er that - need to pay Garrett *or the things he/s picked up *or me& E@ow much money do - owe you?G - gesture with my spoon toward the soup& ELor what?G ELor the soup and all the other supplies&G @e $rushes me o**& EHou don/t owe me anything&G EHes. - do.G - say adamantly& EThat/s not *air&G @e eyes me& EHou were in no condition to $e running to the store& Consider it a *a#or&G - shake my head and get to my *eet& E)et me pay you&G E-t/s really okay.G he says& E-t wasn/t that much&G - pause *or a moment and try to calculate in my head e#erything he/s purchased& -* you add in the ingredients *or the soup it has to $e at least *orty dollars& - turn and walk into the kitchen to gra$ my wallet out o* my purse& E- know what you/re doing.G he hal*,yells to me& E- won/t take your moneyFG EHes you willFG - hal*,yell $ack to him& - reach *or my wallet and as - open it up. my cell chimes against the counter& - look at it& ish you were here. -t/s *rom Shel& There/s a picture attached. and - touch it to make it $igger& -/m greeted with smiles *rom $oth her and Matt as they pose together at Cane/s party. dressed *or a night out and seated at what looks like a restaurant ta$le& Shel leans against Matt/s arm and $eams& They look so cute& - te;t $ack You guys look nice then slide my phone into my $ack pocket& - take two twenty dollar $ills out o* my wallet and head $ack to the li#ing room& ETake this&G - hand the money to Garrett& @e ignores me& E-/m seriousFG @e changes the channel with the remote& E-/ll *eel $ad i* you don/t take it.G - say& @e looks at me annoyed& @e plucks the money *rom my *ingers and tosses it on the ta$le instead o* putting it in his pocket& - cross my arms& E- didn/t mean literally&G E@as any$ody e#er told you that you/re stu$$orn?G he asks& My mind *lashes to $oth 4ames and Cane. making me sigh& EHes&G My cell sounds again. *rom my +eans pocket. and - pull it out& There/s another picture *rom Shel with the caption 1peration recon in full effect. - tap the image and the picture grows larger. re#ealing a distant and crooked photo o* Cane and a woman who must $e Teagan& They stand side $y side. +ust in *ront o* a door surrounded $y people& The lighting is dim. and it/s not a #ery clear shot& - sDuint to make out her *eatures& E>hat/s so interesting?G Garrett asks&

E0othing. really&G - close the picture and hope Shel can get a $etter shot& - pause& Co really care? Jn*ortunately. yes& Hes - do& - turn my attention $ack to the money e;change and threaten Garrett. pointing at the cash& E-/m going to *ind a way to make you take that&G @e gi#es me a condescending look that says. E-/d like to see you try&G - gi#e up *or now and take a seat to *inish my dinner& - curl my legs to the side and set my el$ow on the ta$le& E-* you/re so rich. may$e - should start charging you rent&G - raise my eye$rows& EHou ha#e $een here *or two days straight&G @e smirks and then stands& E- guess -/ll $e going then&G @e takes a step toward the door& E0oFG - sit up& E- was kidding& Sit $ack downA -/m not *ully well yet&G - really ha#e en+oyed his company& The days go $y so much *aster when you ha#e someone else to talk to $esides the cat& 4ames did come $ack the day a*ter - got sick. like he promised. $ut he only stayed *or a *ew hours& Garrett takes a seat. pretending to $e incon#enienced. then turns to me with kind eyes& E-t does get pretty lonely. doesn/t it?G - nod& Sometimes - *orget that he/s all alone too. on top o* $ecoming mortal& E-s it hard?G ask& EBecoming human?G @e pauses. thinking& E0ot physically. no& - think mentally. wrapping your mind around the things you/re gi#ing up and the things you ha#e to relearn. is the hardest part&G My cell goes o**. and - pull it *rom my pocket& ESorry.G - apologi(e& - see Shel has sent another picture and the message reads ,nd " love him why? The picture is o* Matt. who has decided to put drink stirs up his nose& - laugh and then show Garrett the picture& EThis is why you chose to $ecome human again. isn/t it?G @e chuckles& ELor sure&G - take another look at Matt and shake my head. then lower the phone& ESo why did you decide to do it?G - ask. intrigued& EThat/s simple.G he says& ELor a chance to li#e the li*e that was taken *rom me&G - *rown& EBut will it $e the same withoutIher?G EThere/s more to $eing human than $eing in lo#e.G he says without hesitation& EBut no. it won/t $e the same& She can ne#er $e replaced&G @e pauses& EMay$e - will *ind lo#e again& Get married and ha#e a *amily& =r may$e - won/t& But that/s the point& - ha#e a second chance& can make this li*e whate#er - want it to $e&G @is ruminations make me smile& ECo you want to know what -/#e missed the most?G he asks& E>hat?G EThe taste o* *ood&G @e grins& E2hysically touching and actually *eeling& Sleeping again& There/s something to $e said *or the satis*ied *eeling o* a *ull stomach and good night/s rest&G - agree& EThose are good things& - think - would add taking hot showers to the list. too&G EHesFG @is eyes light up& EAnd changing clothesF Although. -/m not too *ond o* doing laundry&G @e makes a *ace& E-/m not #ery good at it& Lirst - had to *igure out the washing machine and which soap to use. and now -/m wearing pink underwear due to someone/s misplaced red sock&G The image o* Garrett in pale pink tightie whities nearly makes me lose the soup in my mouth through my nose& -t hurts trying to contain my laughter. and - gra$ my sides& Garrett pretends to $e o**ended& E-t/s not that *unny&G

My cell interrupts us again. and - manage to swallow. $linking away the tears *rom my hysterics& - look at the screen and another picture *rom Shel is waiting& - open it and immediately crash *rom my laughter high& -t/s a clearer image o* Teagan& @ow do - know it/s her? Because -/#e seen her $e*ore& She/s the same girl in the *ramed photo that - saw on Cane/s side ta$le. the one - saw a*ter the incident with Mrs& Ca#is last summer& The same picture o* him with his arm draped around a $eauti*ul girl. a girl - thought could $e a sister& - don/t know how Shel took such a close photo unnoticed. $ut - can clearly see Teagan/s long ra#en $lack hair. dark almond shaped eyes. gorgeous lashes. and *ull. pouty lips& She could $e a model& She appears e;actly as she did in the photo o* her -/#e already seen& - guess $ack then Cane wasn/t trying to hide anything *rom me& But what did he e;pect me to do? Ask him a$out the girl in the picture? - remem$er him gi#ing me permission to snoop around his apartment when he le*t& mentally kick mysel* *or not taking him up on that o**er& ETell me again what/s so great a$out $eing human?G - ask Garrett Duietly& @e looks at me concerned. and - show him the picture& ECane/s *iancQe.G - say& @e gi#es me a sympathetic look& EHou were curious?G he asks in an e**ort to understand& E- tried not to $e&G - close the picture and tuck my phone under my leg& EA#oiding all things Cane is easier said than done& Especially when your $est *riends are his *riends too&G E-t sounds like he may $e a part o* your li*e whether you like it or not.G Garrett says wisely& - ne#er thought a$out it that way& Being *riends with Matt and Shel will ine#ita$ly ha#e me running into Cane *rom time to time& - won/t $e a$le to a#oid him *ore#er& EHou know.G he says. Emay$e Cane was meant to $e in your li*e& Cid you e#er consider that?G - roll my eyes sarcastically& )iiiiight. The phone chimes under my leg& EGee(FG - complain& E-/m +ust going to turn it o**&G - don/t want to see any more pictures o* Teagan& - pull the phone out and. yes. there again is another image *rom Shel& - can tell it/s not Teagan though. and reluctantly - touch the screen& A picture o* Cane enlarges $e*ore me. and it/s a close,up& @e must $e sitting down $ecause his *orearm rests against a ta$le. and the *rame is *illed with his *ace and torso& @e looks directly into the camera. wearing an apologetic e;pression. and he holds a small white napkin o#er his *orearm so it/s clearly in #iew o* Shel. $ut not anyone else& There. in $lack and white. is a message +ust *or meB - miss you&

Chapter 13
2utting a cat in a pet carrier should not $e this hardF Hou would think - was trying to murder her& EC/mon )BFG - wrestle with her as she twists her $ody in my hands& ECo you really want to stay here alone?G -/m attempting to lea#e 'alama(oo *or home& Tomorrow is the @alloween party - promised to help with. and - get to dress up as a citi(en o* the Emerald City& -/m a little worried a$out it $ecause - remem$er the mo#ie costumes $eing a $it $i(arre. $ut at least - didn/t get stuck with Toto& All the other popular choices were taken& )B lands a good scratch on my *orearm. and - let her go& ECang itFG She runs to hide under the $ed as $lood starts to slowly seep *rom two o* the three claw marks& - groan in *rustration and pull mysel* o** the *loor to *ind a Band Aid& -/m starting to think she will $e okay here $y hersel* *or a *ew days& >hile - apply some antiseptic to my wound. - hear three distinct thumps on the wall that separates my apartment *rom Garrett/s& >e/#e $een communicating this way since last week. when he decided to mo#e $ack to his place a*ter - sur#i#ed the *lu and he dropped a stack o* $ooks against the wall& The sound was so loud - thought he was $eing attacked and went running o#er there& Turns out he was +ust $eing clumsy. $ut we disco#ered a cool way to say hi e#ery now and again& - peel the paper *rom a Band Aid and press it to my skin as - walk into the kitchen& - gi#e the wall three good thumps $ack which are meant to say E@i& -/m still here&G look around the kitchen and gra$ two $reak*ast $ars - le*t on the counter to take with me *or snacks *or the road& - knew - was *orgetting something& - head to my room and place the $ars in my $ackpack. then (ip it up& - ha#e some clothes le*t at home. and - don/t need to $ring much with me other than a *ew toiletries and my homework M and )B& She/s still hiding underneath the $ed& - $end down. pull $ack the $ed skirt. and let my eyes roam the darkness until - see hers& ECome out o* there. you.G - say& ECon/t you want to go see Grandma and Grandpa?G )ord. i* anyone heard me they would think - was insane& )B thinks -/m cra(y too. $ecause she hisses at me& She has ne#er done that $e*ore& >hat a stinkerF - sit $ack on my heels& - need to get going. and - don/t *eel like *orcing her out o* there and making her e#en angrier& - look to my le*t and think o* Garrett on the other side o* the wall& $et he would agree to *eed her while -/m gone& E)ooks like you might get your way )B.G - say as stand& - walk out o* my apartment and o#er to Garrett/s. gra$$ing his door handle and letting mysel* in& This is another thing we/#e started since ha#ing the con#ersation a$out *eeling lonely& >e lea#e our doors unlocked during the day. so we can come and go $etween each other/s places& =* course we let one another know we/re home $y the thumps& -t/s +ust easier& E@ey.G - say as - enter the apartment. looking around the door& E- was wondering i*IG - stop short& Garrett. Thomas. and another woman are standing in the li#ing area& E-/m sorry.G immediately apologi(e& E-/ll come $ack later&G E0o. it/s okay.G Garrett says& @e looks $etween me and the other Guardians& EHou already know Thomas and this is 4oslyn.G he introduces us&

Thomas smiles his *atherly smile and raises his hand to wa#e& >hen he does. he also raises 4oslyn/s hand $ecause he holds hers *irmly in his& She laughs and pulls her hand away. gi#ing me her own small wa#e& E@appy to meet you. Emma.G she says& EHou can call me 4oss&G Coes e#eryone know who - am? - *eel like there must $e a poster o* me somewhere in the -ntermediate& E@i&G - nod. em$arrassed *or interrupting& - look at Garrett& E- didn/t know you ha#ing a meeting. so -/ll +ustIG E=h. stay.G 4oss says and walks *orward. holding her hand out to me& @er $lack hair is peppered with gray. and she wears it in a $un on the top o* her head& She/s a$out my height. and has on $lack slacks. heels. and a $right royal $lue $louse with a cowl neck& @er comple;ion is peaches and cream which. paired with the $louse. make her gray eyes sparkle& E)et/s talk while the $oys conduct $usiness&G She grasps my hand. and - allow her to lead me to my old lo#eseat& Thomas and Garrett resume their discussion and 4oss looks at me warmly& >hat could she possi$ly want to talk to me a$out? - really need to get on the road& ESo.G she says. patting my hand. Ewhat are you up to today?G - gi#e her a con*used stare& EJmI-/m going home *or the weekend?G My statement sounds more like a Duestion than a *act& She smiles& ECo you ha#e $ig plans?G E0ooo&G - look o#er my shoulder to send Garrett a Duestioning glance& @e +ust smiles at me and continues speaking with Thomas& - turn $ack to 4oss& E-/m helping my mom with some #olunteer work&G EThat/s nice&G She sounds genuinely e;cited& E>hat will you $e doing?G E@elping out at a @alloween party *or little kids&G E=hFG She releases my hand and places hers against her chest& EThat sounds darlingF miss doing things like that&G =kay. - get it now& She misses $eing human& - rela; and gi#e her a smile& EActually. it/s my grandkids that - miss.G she says& E@elping them get all dressed up *or @alloween&G E@ow many grandchildren do you ha#e?G EEle#en&G She $eams& EAnd one on the way&G - can/t help mysel* and an EawwwG escapes& - can/t wait *or my $rother and 'ate to get married and start ha#ing kids& E- miss them.G she sighs& EThe *eel o* their little hugs. my re*rigerator co#ered in artwork& used to spoil them rotten&G E- $et&G EThat/s actually what drew the two o* us together.G Thomas pipes up. leaning o#er the $ack o* the lo#eseat and into our con#ersation& EThe discussions a$out our grandkids&G @e looks at 4oss like a lo#e,struck teenager. and - get the *eeling i* she could $lush. she would& >ait& EAre you two dating?G The Duestion is out $e*ore - can think twice& 4oss laughs& EHou could call it that.G she says& E>ho knew you could *ind the lo#e o* your li*e a*ter you/re no longer li#ing?G >hat? The idea ne#er crossed my mind that Guardians could *all in lo#e with each other& Thomas leans *orward and plants a kiss on 4oss/ temple& She smiles at him and then shoos him away& -/m sure - look stupe*ied&

She leans in to me conspiratorially& ELat lot o* good - did marrying all those hus$ands& 0o wonder none o* them would release me&G - $link and rearrange my *ace& E@ow many hus$ands did you ha#e?G She shakes her head and chuckles& ELi#e&G ELi#e?G EAnd none o* them compared to me.G Thomas $oasts& E>ould you go away?G 4oss teases& E>e/re trying to ha#e a nice talk&G - smile at Thomas& The two o* them are so cute& @e listens to his woman and retreats a *ew steps& ESo.G 4oss says. Ewhat a$out you and Garrett? >ill you $e ha#ing children?G >hoaF >here did that Duestion come *rom? EAh. no&G - $lush and look at Garrett. my e;pression panicked& E4oss.G Garrett steps in Duickly& EEmma is with 4ames. remem$er?G 4oss looks $etween Garrett and -. pu((led& E- thought 4ames was her Guardian?G E@e is.G Garrett says& @e smiles at me apologetically& EBut - thought he andIG EEmma.G Garrett interrupts her& ECid you need something?G EHes.G - say and stand& This is the per*ect opportunity to get out o* this awkwardness& E)B is gi#ing me a hard time a$out the carrierA - can/t get her into it&G - *lash my *orearm& ECould you *eed her *or me until - get $ack on Sunday? - don/t *eel like wrestling with her anymore&G ESure& The *ood isI?G EJnder the kitchen ca$inet& -/ll *eed her todayA you/ll +ust ha#e to do it tomorrow and Sunday&G EGot it&G - start to make my way toward the door& E-/ll $ring my key o#er to you in a *ew minutes&G turn to say good$ye to Thomas and 4oss& E- really ha#e to get goingA it/s a three hour dri#e $ack home& -t was nice talking with you&G EHou too&G 4oss gi#es me a genuine smile& E>e/ll ha#e to do it again sometime&G She eyes the $oys& E>ith +ust us girls&G - laugh& ESure&G ECri#e sa*e.G Thomas says as - reach the door& EThanks. - will&G - open the door and step outside& E-/ll $e $ack in a sec with my key.G - tell Garrett& ESounds good&G - close the door $ehind me and walk to my apartment. shaking my head& That was one o* the weirdest con#ersations -/#e had in awhile& Linding out Guardians can *all in lo#e? The idea o* Garrett and me together? - almost laugh out loud& @e/s a nice guy and all $ut&&& - open my door and )B comes running& E=h. now you come out.G - chastise her& - $end down and pet her roughly along the sides o* her $ody& ECon/t worry& Hou/re staying here&G

>ell. Auntie Em looks great& - look ridiculous& >hen - arri#ed home on Lriday. my mom hit me with the news& Someone named Mildred had to $ack out o* the @alloween party $ecause apparently her dog. Llu**nstu**. was ill& -

couldn/t stop laughing *rom the name& Llu**nstu**? Seriously? My dad proceeded to make a lame +oke a$out the dog $eing sick $ecause it ate some *lu**Iand stu**. which pushed my giggle *it to new heights& But the really *unny part was that - was now $estowed the honor o* dressing up as the >icked >itch o* the >est& >hen my mother *irst produced the costume *rom my old closet. it wasn/t too $ad& 4ust a $asic $lack dress with a $lack witch/s hat and a $roomstick& -t was the green *ace paint. wiry wig. and prosthetic wart that made me cringe& EHou ha#e to wear it.G my mom said& E>hat/s a >i(ard o* =( party without the >icked >itch?G And now - stand here. $ehind one end o* a snack ta$le. watching all the little kids line up as *ar away *rom me as possi$le& - scare them and right*ully so& - look around the community center teaming with people& They really go all out *or this e#ent& There/s a C4. se#eral trick,or,treating stations. a $ounce house. *ace painting. multiple games. and *our re*reshment ta$les& Curing a lull in the snack acti#ity. - ask my mom to take a picture o* me with my phone to send to Shel& She/s going to crack up& EThis is pricelessFG my mom laughs when she looks at the picture& ESend it to me. too&G - shake my head and set to messaging when - hear someone ask. E>ould you like a picture o* the $oth o* you?G My head snaps up. and - meet the eyes o* the Scarecrow& E;cept it/s not +ust the Scarecrow& -t/s Cane& ESure. that would $e nice&G My mom smiles and steps to my side. putting her arm around my waist to pose& -* my *ace wasn/t co#ered with green makeup -/m positi#e it would $e *laming red& My heart *eels like it wants to $eat out o* my chest& >hat is he doing here? @e holds out his hand *or my phone. and - tentati#ely place it in his palm& @is gi#es me a tiny smile and holds the phone up to take the picture. centering us on the screen& E<eady?G he asks& EHep.G my mom says. hugging my waist& - do my $est to *orce a smile and hear the audi$le click as he presses the shutter& My mother steps away *rom me& ECane? -s that you?G EJn*ortunately&G @e lets out an em$arrassed laugh& E@ow are you Mrs& Conohue?G EGreatFG she says& Cane is one o* my mother/s *a#orite people. seeing as how he helped take out 2atrick when he attacked me last summer& She turns to me& ECid you know he was going to $e #olunteering tonight?G - shake my head& My mom isn/t aware that Cane and - aren/t speaking& She turns $ack to him& E- didn/t see your name on the sign,up sheet&G EThat/s $ecause -/m *illing in *or Teag MG @e stops and his eyes dart to me& ELor a *riend/s dad&G - a#oid his stare& A little $oy dressed as Batman comes to the ta$le thirsty& - $usy mysel* ladling him some punch& EThere you areFG a $u$$ly #oice says& - look up to *ind Corothy. aka Teagan. approach us all decked out in a $lue gingham dress. ru$y red slippers. and pigtails& My stomach drops& -t *igures she would $e dressed as Corothy and - her nemesis& EConnor. - told you to stay with the group.G she says sweetly to the little $oy& EGo stand o#er there to play the game.G she directs him to a near$y $ean$ag toss& She stands up straight. leans in to Cane. and smiles at my mother and me& E>ho are your *riends?G she asks&

Cane clears his throat& EThis is Mrs& Conohue andIG - don/t know what comes o#er me. $ut - ha#e the o#erwhelming urge to introduce mysel* to Teagan& May$e - +ust want to see Cane sDuirm. to make him pay *or lying to me& E-/m Emmmma.G - say as sickly sweet as - possi$ly can& >hat/s that saying? 'ill them with kindness? EHou/re Teagan. right? -t/s so nice to finally meet youF Hou look great&G - nod. indicating her costume& Teagan narrows her eyes at me in*initesimally& She keeps her smile plastered on her *ace. $ut - can see her $ody tense& EThank youFG she says. her response eDually as *ake as mine& E@ow do you know Cane again?G E@asn/t he mentioned me?G - ask. wide,eyed& E>e spent a lot o* time together o#er the summer&G She tilts her head re*le;i#ely and her smile wa#ers& E>orking at the gol* course.G - lean *orward and clari*y& E=h. that/s rightFG She looks up at Cane& EThis is Matt/s *riendA the one you sent the *urniture to&G She knows a$out that? EThe one you said couldn/t a**ord to get hersel* anything new&G She *akes sympathy *or me with an e;aggerated pout& Cid she +ust call me poor? Cane speaks up& E0o& - ne#er said MG EHou must $e mistaken.G - cut him o**. *eeling the need to set her straight& EThe *urniture was a $irthday gi*t&G Teagan *orces an o$no;ious laugh& E@ow silly o* meF - must ha#e *orgotten&G She smiles. $ut her eyes shoot daggers& E0ow - remem$er you& Hour picture on the Bay >oods we$site doesn/t do you +ustice&G @er look is smug as her eyes roam my $ody& EHou look so much prettier in person&G <eally?F She wants to call me poor and ugly? -t/s time to $ring out the $ig guns& - maintain my sugary tone& EAnd you look +ust like your picture in Cane/s apartment&G - look directly at him& EHou remem$er. right? - saw it the night you took me to your place?G - can *eel Teagan/s eyes $oring into me. and Cane looks slightly pale& - must ha#e a death wish. $ecause - add. EHou know& The night you tried to kiss me *or the *irst time?G My eyes skip to Teagan. and she *inally loses the smile& @er +aw *le;es. and she mo#es her right hand to her le*t. noticea$ly playing with her engagement ring& @mmm& -/#e *ound a way to get under her skin& E- don/t remem$er it $eing there a*ter that. though.G - continue. *eigning con*usion& EBut then again. we didn/t spend much time in the li#ing room&G - can *eel $oth Cane and my mother staring at me in shock& Teagan/s sno$$ery has unleashed something inside o* me that - can/t control and. little do they know. there is so much more that - could re#eal& EEmma.G my mom politely interrupts our tense con#ersation& E>e really should get $ack toIG EHes.G Teagan releases me *rom her death stare& E>e should $e getting $ack to the kids&G She *lashes my mom a smile and o$no;iously loops her arm through Cane/s& E-t was nice to meet you. Mrs& Conohue.G she says. intentionally neglecting to tell me the same&

My mother nods although - can tell she/s not impressed& - glance at Cane $e*ore he/s led away. and he looks amused. almost like he appro#es M like he/s +ust seen the most entertaining thing e#er& -t irritates the hell out o* me& EThat was Duite the per*ormance.G my mom says a*ter they/#e gone& E- didn/t know you could $e so dramatic& Care to let me in on what/s going on?G - sigh. *inally rela;ing my shoulders& ECane and -Iwe/re not *riends anymore&G EApparently&G E>e got closeIG E@ence the kissing?G She raises her eye$rows at me& - $lush under my green skin& ETurns out he was engaged the whole time& - +ust *ound out&G EEngaged? To that sassy thing?G My mom $lanches& She steps o#er to me and raises her hand& EGi#e me *i#e&G - slap her hand& ELor what?G EThe way you handled thatIG she dri*ts o** and wraps her arm around my shoulder& EThat/s my girl&G

A*ter the party ends - head to the restroom to change out o* my costume. remo#ing my wig and my wart. $ut lea#ing the green *ace& -t/s too complicated to remo#e with paper towelA -/ll +ust deal with it when - get home& - pull on my com*y +eans and sweatshirt then care*ully pack the $lack dress and accessories& Slinging my $ag o#er my shoulder. - make my way to *ind my mother and help with the clean,up& - *ind her standing $ehind our snack station. studying her phone with a smirk& E>hat/s up?G - ask& She looks at me& EAre you missing something?G - *rown& E- don/t think so&G - look $ehind me to make sure - didn/t drop anything& EHour phone perhaps?G Awww. crap& - turn to her slowly& ECane still has it&G She nods and hands her cell to me so - can read the message& !rs. *onohue please ask )mma to meet me in the parking lot. " have her phone. Thanks. - pull out the $est wounded puppy dog e;pression - can muster& ECan you go get it *or me?G - $eg& She laughs& EHou know that only works on your *ather&G She plucks the phone out o* my hands& EHou can do it& 0ow go&G My *ace twists& EHou are the worst mother e#er.G - say dramatically. slamming my $ag down on the ta$le& She smiles sweetly at me and starts to pack up the cups we didn/t use& - sigh and start to make my way to the *ront door. wishing - could +ust let him keep the damn thing& -* - didn/t ha#e to pay to replace it and lose all my contacts and picturesI EEmma?G - turn& E>hat?G EHou might want to take that paint o** your *ace&G JghF - change direction and march $ack toward the restroom&

E-/m not such a terri$le mother now. am -?G my mom calls $ehind me& - push open the $athroom door and head *or the paper towel& - yank a $unch *rom the dispenser and run the towels under hot water& - start to wipe my *ace. $ut the green makeup is dried on and gi#ing me a hard time& -t takes se#eral wipes in one spot +ust to see the skin underneath& - a$andon the paper towel *or a moment. sDuirt some soap into my hands. and ru$ my entire *ace& This turns my *ingers green. too& At home - applied the makeup with a sponge. so - didn/t ha#e this irritating pro$lemF - mo#e to gra$ some *resh towels. run them under the hot water. and start wiping again& The soap helps. taking o** the ma+ority o* the paint. $ut not all o* it& By the third wipe down. my skin is starting to *eel raw *rom the paper towel. yet my *ace still carries a slight green hue& .h &ell. - think. and toss the towels in the trash& So you%re green. *et over it. - glance at my hair. which is still pulled $ack *rom $eing tucked under the wig. and - remo#e the pins and release my ponytail& - Duickly run my *ingers through it& There& May$e that will hide some o* my pea green skin& - make my way to the *ront doors o* the community center and step outside& -t/s a $usy place& The C4 loads his eDuipment into a near$y #an and se#eral people pass me. entering and e;iting the $uilding as they pack up and say good night& - walk into the parking lot and *rown& >here is Cane? My eyes sweep *rom le*t to right& Cid - take too long washing my *ace? - cross my arms against my chest& -t/s cold out here& - decide to head to my right and look down a *ew rows o* cars& >hy does he ha#e to make this di**icult? E@ey&G - spin around& Cane pushes himsel* o** the wall o* the community center to walk toward me& @e/s no longer dressed as the Scarecrow& @is straw hair hat and patchwork costume are gone and ha#e $een replaced with a chocolate $rown leather +acket and dark denim& @is comple;ion is clear o* the stitch marks that were drawn on his cheeks. and his nose is no longer a *au; $lack triangle& As he comes closer. - can see that his +aw is set and his eyes $urn& - must ha#e pushed things too *ar earlier& May$e it/s a good thing -/m already green $ecause my stomach has twisted itsel* into knots& EHou may ha#e single,handedly ruined my engagement.G he says& - open my mouth toIwhat? Ce*end mysel*? Apologi(e? Coes he e#en deser#e an apology? @e stops walking when our $odies are inches apart& @e stares down at me. and $e*ore - can utter a word he says. EThank you.G and lowers his lips to mine&

Chapter 14
E>hat are you doing?G - push him away& EAre you insane?G E0ot last - checked&G - step $ack and look around. hal* e;pecting Teagan to appear out o* nowhere& E4ust gi#e me my phone&G EEmmaIG E- said gi#e me my phoneFG @e plants his *eet and crosses his arms& E0o&G - stare at him in dis$elie*& E>hat do you mean no?G E>e need to talk.G he says& - shoot him an irritated look& Since he isn/t carrying my cell. it must $e in one o* his pockets& - step *orward. reaching *or his le*t +acket pocket. and he sidesteps me& - Duickly change direction and go *or his other side. $ut his hand swi*tly catches my wrist& - instantly try to pull away. $ut he holds on to it *irmly& - gi#e him a stern look& E)et me go&G E0ot until we talk&G E- ha#e nothing to say to you&G =ne side o* his mouth twitches& E- dou$t that&G >e stare at each other. and the longer he looks at me the more his eyes so*ten& - sigh and rela; my arm& E- need to go $ack inside and help&G @e tilts his head& E0o. you don/t&G EHes. - do&G @e looks a$o#e me *or a moment. and - can see his eyes searching the parking lot& EC/mon.G he says as he starts to pull me in the direction - came *rom& ECould you let go o* my arm?G - ask& @e glances o#er his shoulder& E>hat do you think - am? Stupid?G - *lash a sweet smile& ECo you really want me to answer that?G @e rolls his eyes and *aces *orward. towing me toward the entrance o* the community center& - spot my mother carrying a tote a *ew *eet into the parking lot& EMrs& ConohueFG Cane calls to her& She stops and glances around to see who/s shouting her name& >hen she sees us approaching. she sets down the hea#y tote and waits *or us to +oin her& E@i.G Cane greets her& E- need to $orrow Emma *or the night. i* that would $e okay&G >hat?F That is so not okayF My mom crosses her arms and assesses Cane *rom head to toe. then looks at me& - mouth the word EnoG to her and $arely shake my head. so he won/t see& - immediately know *rom her e;pression what her answer will $e. and - set my +aw& ESure.G she says& E=ur part o* the cleanup is done&G She $ends to pick up the tote again& E@ere.G Cane stops her and holds out my wrist& E-/ll carry that to your car i* you hold on to this *or me&G She gladly wraps her hand around my *orearm& ECan do&G Cane smiles and easily picks up the tote& My mom holds her keys in one hand and pushes the remote to unlock the doors o* our Che#y Mali$u& The headlights *lash midway down a row o* parked cars. and Cane takes o** in that direction&

As soon as he/s out o* earshot. - turn on her& E>hat are you doing? - don/t want to go anywhere with himFG She gi#es me her all,knowing motherly stare& E=* course you do&G My *ace twists& E>hy would you thinkI?G EBecause it/s o$#ious& Hour showdown with the *iancQe pro#ed that&G She looks me in the eye& E0o girl in her right mind would admit to sleeping with someone in *ront o* her mother and his *iancQe i* she wasn/t *ighting *or something&G =h my God& My *ace turns crimson& E>e didn/tIwe ha#en/tIG My mom shakes her head and holds out her *ree hand& EStop& - don/t need an e;planationA you/re an adult& 4ust as long as you/re $eing sa*e&G -/m morti*ied& EBelie#e it or not. - was your age once&G She looks toward her car as Cane starts to make his way $ack to us& EHou could do a lot worse&G Sarcasm drips *rom my tongue& EMay$e you should go with him&G She laughs& E-* - were twenty years younger. - would&G EwF Can the earth open up and swallow me now? As he gets closer. - contemplate which is the lesser o* the two e#ilsB lea#ing with him or talking with my mom a$out se;& - hate to admit it. $ut lea#ing with Cane wins& And is she right? >as the moti#ation $ehind my cat *ight with Teagan to stake a claim to him or simply the need to de*end mysel*? EHou/re all set.G he says. gi#ing my mom her keys& She nods and takes them. handing me o#er& EThanks&G She looks at me pointedly& E<emem$er what - said a$out the sa*ety&G She leans *orward to whisper in my ear& EHou/re still on the pill. right?G =h sweet (om$ie 4esusF - would $e hard pressed to *ind another time -/#e $een so em$arrassed& - close my eyes& EHes& Go home. Mom&G She laughs again& E@a#e a good night.G she says as she walks away& - open my eyes to *ind Cane holding on to my arm and staring at me. amused& E>hat was that a$out sa*ety?G - can/t tell him my mother thinks we/re sleeping together& - li*t my chin arrogantly and lie& EShe ga#e me some mace in case you try anything&G @e laughs& E<ight&G @e maintains his grip on my arm as he leads me through the parking lot& EHou don/t ha#e to hold on to me. you know& - ha#e nowhere to run now&G @e ignores me. and when we arri#e at his car. he unlocks the doors o* the Camaro& @e ushers me into the passenger seat and then slams the door& - look around the *amiliar ca$ and stop short& Sitting in the center console is a crumpled tissue $lotted with red lipstick. a $ottle o* nail polish. and a pair o* women/s sunglasses& All Teagan/s. -/m sure& - pick up the sunglasses and turn them o#er in my hands& They/re Chanel& E;pensi#e& As Cane slides into the dri#er/s seat. - open the arms o* the glasses and push them up my nose& E@ow do they look?G - ask& @e turns to me and pauses& EBetter on you&G >ell& That action was supposed to irritate him. not melt my insides& - take o** the glasses and de*ensi#ely toss them $ack in the console& @e starts the car. and - reach *or my seat$elt& E>here are we going?G

@e pulls the car *orward slowly. looking *or tra**ic. and then turns le*t out o* the space& ETo my place&G My response is instantaneous and adamant& E0o. we/re notFG @is *rown is illuminated $y the dash$oard lights& E>hy? >hat/s wrong with that?G >hat/s wrong with that? The last time - was there was when weI- *eel my ears get hot and push the memory away& @ow can - e;plain? Besides. i* Teagan/s things are in his car. what/s hanging around his townhouse? )ingerie? My tone turns acer$ic& EThe last place - want to $e is surrounded $y e#idence o* your *iancQe&G - gesture toward the console& E-t/s hard enough with +ust this crap here&G @e glances $etween the seats& >hen he turns out onto the road. he immediately pulls o** on the shoulder& - stare at him with con*usion as he gra$s the tissue. nail polish. and sunglasses in one hand& @e rolls down the window and throws them out& E>hy did you do that?G - ask. panicked& - look $ehind us he pulls away& ECo you know how much those glasses cost?G EHou didn/t like them& They/re gone&G - stare at him wide,eyed& EHou didn/t ha#e to do that& She/s going to $e pissed&G @e lets out a small. sarcastic laugh& EAnd - care why?G - *rown at him. $a**led& >hat/s he going to do when we get to his house? Go through the +oint with a trash $ag to make me happy? E- still don/t want to go to your place&G @e glances at me and sighs& E- know& - get it&G @e turns his attention $ack to the road. and - stare out the passenger window& 0either o* us utters a word as he dri#es& >hen we/re +ust outside o* town. he slows and makes a right. *ollowing the route to my parent/s house& >e reach the end o* that street and make a le*t. and -/m certain that/s where we/re headed& My attitude must ha#e caused him to reconsider spending time with me& As my address gets closer. my mind and my heart $attle one another& Closing my eyes. - picture my emotions in a $o;ing ring with my #oice as the MCB $This match is scheduled for three rounds4 In this corner2 hailing from the dark recesses of Emma%s /rain and &eighing in &ith logic and reason2 our challenger2 )elief4 And2 in this corner2 hailing from Em%s soul and &eighing in &ith disa##ointment and guilt2 our returning cham#ion2 Sadness4 o #unches /elo& the /elt2 fellas. ,e &ant a good2 clean fight.( Ding4 Ding4 Ding4 - shake my head at my a$surd re#erie& - surely need some sort o* therapy& Sighing. - open my eyes. prepared to *ind us turning on to my street& -nstead. - look out the windshield in surprise as we pass $y& >here is he taking us? My Duestion is answered when. moments later. he turns into the park entrance near my house& >e *ollow the dri#e a short distance to a scenic o#erlook o* sorts. where there are a$out *i#e parking spaces *or people to use at the $eginning o* a trailhead& @e selects one. pulls in. and parks& E>ill this work?G he asks& - nod& <elie* has taken out Sadness in round one and is now challenging An;iety& @e cuts the engine. $ut lea#es the car on accessory. so the instrument panel pro#ides some dim light in the darkness& @e takes o** his seat$elt then turns to me. his ha(el eyes intense& E-/m so sorry.G he says& EHou ha#e to know that&G - tilt my head re*le;i#ely& E- *igured&G @e looks down *or a moment& >hen he looks $ack at me. he sighs& E- don/t know where to start other than there&G

- shrug and cross my arms against the knot in my stomach& E@ow a$out with why?G - ask& E>hy didn/t you tell me?G EBecause -/m an idiot.G he responds without hesitation& - smirk& EHou said it. not me&G @e gi#es me a tiny smile. $ut it Duickly *ades& E>hen we metIG he pauses. trying to gather his thoughts& E- wasn/t looking *or anyone else& =r anything else& Teagan was on my mind constantly&G My *ace automatically twists at the mention o* her name& E0ot like that.G he says. noticing my reaction& E- was ha#ing second thoughts& The longer she was away. the more - started to reali(e that - had asked her to marry me *or the wrong reasons&G - shi*t my weight in the seat to get more com*orta$le& ESo why did you propose?G EBecause it was e;pected o* me&G - shoot him a con*used look& EShouldn/t you at least $e in lo#e with the person?G E- was once.G he says and leans his head against the headrest& EAnd?G @e turns to me& E-/m not anymore&G >hy does my heart skip a $eat when he says this? - reprimand mysel*& Cane and - are done& ETeagan and - were that couple.G he says. e;plaining& EHou know. the couple in high school $rought together $y *riends more so than any true *eelings&G @e looks up and stares out the moon roo* o* the car& E-/#e $een with her since we were si;teen& -t made sense *or us to date $ack then& >e were $oth popularA our parents knew each other&G @e looks at me again& EAnd she wasn/t too hard to look at&G - roll my eyes& EHes. - can see where her looks make up *or what she/s lacking in personality&G @e laughs& EShe wasn/t always this nasty&G - undo my seat$elt and turn my $ody to *ace him. curling my knees up on the seat& ESo what went wrong?G EShe/s always $een spoiled. $ut it soared to new le#els when we went to college& - think it went to her head&G E>hy didn/t you $reak up with her i* you didn/t like her new attitude?G @e sighs& E-t was a gradual thing& -t/s not like one day she woke up a complete $itch&G - laugh& @e smiles and shakes his head& EThen. a*ter we graduated. her *ather o**ered me a +o$& My dream +o$. actually& - mean. how many grads do you know get to start their career immediately a*ter college? 0ot many& 2lus. it was my chance to a#oid working *or my dad at Bay >oods&G E@eyF -t wasn/t that $ad&G E0o.G he concedes and looks me in the eye& E0ot with you there&G My pulse picks up again& Coes he do that on purpose? ESo.G - clear my throat. Eyou *elt you had to propose $ecause her dad ga#e you a +o$?G @e *rowns and considers my Duestion& E- guess that was part o* it.G he admits& ETeagan was getting an;ious and $ringing up marriage all the time& - understood why she was doing itA we/d $een together *or se#en years& But. - kept putting her o**& Then she was selected to $e on the

conser#ation team and was headed to God,knows,where& At the time - thought that was my sign. you know. do it now $ecause who knows what will happen& So - did&G E- $et she was ecstatic.G - say& @e rolls his eyes& E2lease& The wedding talk has $een non,stop& E#en while she was gone her mother kept hounding me& She made me $ook the honeymoon a year ago $ecause Nthat/s the groom/s responsi$ility./G he mimics Teagan/s mother/s #oice& - *eel like -/#e $een sucker punched& ESo when/s the $ig day?G >hy does this $other me? -t shouldn/t $other meF E0e#er.G he says adamantly and leans *orward& E>hen she le*t. - *inally had some space to $reathe. some time to mysel*& Time to *igure out what - wanted without her in my *ace all the time&G @e pauses& E- know what - want& And - don/t want her&G My mouth *alls open in surprise& EShouldn/t someone in*orm the $ride?G @e snickers& EShe knows& She thinks -/ll change my mind&G @e lets out a *rustrated sigh and runs his hand through his hair& EShe hasn/t told anyone that we/re not together& She won/t stop throwing hersel* in my *ace. won/t stop coming o#er& >on/t take o** the ring&G >ow& And - thought my relationship with 4ames was messed up& Still. e#en with all he/s told me. he hasn/t answered my original Duestion& EAnd you didn/t tell me a$out her $ecauseI?G EBecause - didn/t want you to think - was some +erk who runs around proposing to women and then plays around while they/re out o* town&G @e pins me with a pained e;pression& Ewanted to end things with her months ago. $ut - *elt - owed it to Teagan to do it in person. not o#er Skype& >hen she came home - told her the engagement was o**& As you can imagine. it didn/t go o#er well.G he grimaces& EShe/s $een putting up a *ight e#er sinceA she let hersel* into my place and came across the $ill *or the things - sent you& -* - had known she had mailed that article to you -IG My eyes open wide& EShe sent it?G E>hen she asked me a$out the $ill. - e;plained that you were Matt/s *riend and we had worked together& - told her we had grown close& >hen Matt told me how you *ound out a$out Teagan. - con*ronted her&G EMay$e you should get your locks changed.G - +oke& E- need to.G he sighs& E4ust last week - *ound her there in my $ed&G - swallow& - don/t know why - e#en want to ask this Duestion. $ut - ask it anyway& E@a#e you twoI?G @e looks me straight in the eye& ECo you want the truth?G 0o. not really& EHes&G @e leans *orward and searches my *ace& E>hen she *irst came $ack. weI-Itried& Hou had said you didn/t want me. $utIG he hesitates& EBut - couldn/t go through with it&G E>hy?G - whisper& EBecause all - could think a$out was you&G My heart stops& - shake my head to clear it and gi#e him a stern look& EStop that&G EStop what?G - put my *eet down and lean *orward& ESaying things like thatF )ooking at me like thatFG @e tilts his head and smiles& E-t/s hard not to& Hou are an odd shade o* green&G EThat/s not what - meantFG - push against his shoulder in *rustration& My action $ack*ires $ecause he gra$s my wrist and pulls me *orward. so -/m hal* leaning o#er the console&

E- know what you meant.G he says. his *ace inches *rom mine& E-/m not going to lie to you e#er again& Hou asked *or the truth. and - ga#e it to you&G - try to pull my arm away. $ut it doesn/t work& E>ill you stop manhandling me?G @e raises his eye$rows& E- think you want me to manhandle you&G My mouth *alls open& EArrogant much?G Cane stares into my eyes& E>hen will you admit that you ha#e *eelings *or me? - know that you do&G - try to remain impassi#e& EE#en i* - did - couldn/t act on them&G ESo you admit it then?G ShootF - $lush and try to $ack track& E0othing has changed& - still lo#e 4ames&G EThat doesn/t mean you can/t lo#e me. too&G @as he $een talking to Garrett? ECaneIG @is *ace so*tens& EEm. you/#e told me $e*ore&G - stare at him. con*used& E>hat are you talking a$out? - ne#er saidIG EA*ter you were attacked&G @e mo#es his *ree hand to cradle my *ace& E>hen - was calling *or help you said - lo#e you&G - stare at him wide,eyed as my heart $egins to pound& - did say that& But - was talking to 4amesF Cane and - remain *ace to *ace. and -/m *ro(en& - can/t tell him - was talking to my dead $oy*riendF @e leans closer. his #oice dropping an octa#e& E-/m dying here& >ould you please +ust kiss me?G My pulse is racingA his lips are centimeters *rom mine& Am - actually considering this? E-IG ECon/t tell me you can/t&G - turn my head to $uy some time M and see 4ames sitting in the $ack seat o* the car& E@oly shitFG - yell and scram$le $ackwards. yanking my hand *rom Cane/s grasp& E>hat? >hat is it?G Cane looks panicked& - shi*t my eyes to the $ack seat and 4ames gi#es me a condescending stare& EGo ahead.G he challenges me& EHou know you want to&G >hat? @e/s going to choose to appear no&? @e/s ne#er done this $e*oreF E-s e#erything okay?G Cane asks. worried& - close my eyes as my mind scram$les& E- thoughtImay$e we shouldIG - open my eyes and let out a muted sDueak& Meg has taken a seat ne;t to 4ames. her hand on top o* his& 4ames *ocuses on me. clearly agitated& ESo?G he asks& EAre you going to kiss him or not?G Coes he e;pect me to answer that? Meg gi#es me a sympathetic smile and then she pats 4ames/ hand. pulling his attention away *rom me& 4ames meets Meg/s eyes and nods& @e gi#es me one last look as they *ade away together& Anger $uilds inside my chest& @ow dare heF EEmma? Seriously. you/re *reaking me out.G Cane says& @is #oice snaps me $ack to attention. and - *ocus on his *ace& E-/m sorry&G - mo#e my $ody away *rom the door& E- don/t know what happened&G EAre you sure? Hou look angry&G - am angry& 4ames knows how hard it is *or me to maintain my composure when - hear him. let alone see him& @e +ust made me look like a complete ass in *ront o* CaneF My mind turns to Meg. and my +aw tenses& @e thinks my $eing here with Cane is $ad? =$#iously he gets

to hang out with whome#er he wants. in#ol#e them in my personal $usiness& >here are my choices? - look at Cane and reach *or his +acket with my right hand& ECome here&G @e looks con*used $ut leans *orward +ust the same& - gra$ a hold o* him near his collar and pull him to me as $est - can& My *ace ho#ers inches *rom his& E-* - kiss you now it/s only to pro#e a point&G E2ro#e what point?G EThat - ha#e choices& That - am in control&G E=kay&G @e smiles like he knows -/m lying& E>hate#er you say&G EHou/re that desperate to kiss me?G - ask& E-/m always desperate to kiss you&G That does it& - catch his mouth with mine as - clutch his +acket. with $oth hands now. pulling him to me& @is hands tra#el up my arms and one settles against my neck. cradling my *ace& @is touch is hot against my skin. +ust like in my dream. and - allow mysel* to let go *or once& - let him pull me closerA allow him to consume my mouth& Shi#ers tra#el up my spine as e#erything inside me starts to warm and so*ten. sending warning $ells ringing in my head& -t/s time to stop this $e*ore it gets out o* hand& - pull away and he tries to *ollow me $y resting his *orehead against mine& E=kay.G - say. trying to catch my $reath& EMy point/s $een made&G ETo who?G he asks& E- didn/t get it&G @e tries to catch my mouth with his again& E0o&G - release his clothes and straighten mysel* in my seat& ECon/t get the wrong idea& My choice& -/m in control& >e can start to $e *riends again& That/s it&G ECon*used much?G he asks. mimicking my earlier comment& - shoot him a sarcastic look& EHes. actually&G Lirst -/m mad and now -/m kissing him? pause& E-/m not kissing you anymore&G EMay$e not tonight&G @is e;pression is smug as he leans $ack& EBut there/s plenty more where that came *rom&G ESays who?G ESays you&G - slump down in my seat& >hat ha#e - started? My inner #oice. the MC. speaks up again. letting me know An;iety won round two o* my mental $o;ing match and is gearing up *or round three& >ho is the ne;t opponent? )ooks like my good *riend. Cou$t&

Chapter 15
The ne;t day. - end up staying at my parents longer than - had originally planned& My $rother and his girl*riend came o#er *or dinner. which con#inced me to spend a *ew more hours at home& -t *eels good to spend time with my *amily and away *rom Guardian issues& 0ot that 4ames couldn/t #isit me anywhere at any time. $ut - ha#e the *eeling he/s sa#ing our ne;t con#ersation *or a more pri#ate location& And that/s *ine with me& - plan to use the long dri#e $ack to school to *ormulate my thoughts into coherent sentences& E#ery time - think a$out what - want to say to him. - talk mysel* in circles& A*ter hugging my mom and dad good$ye. - head out to my car $alancing my keys. my $ackpack. and a le*to#er dish *ull o* pot roast and #egeta$les& - sigh& - won/t make it $ack to my apartment until a*ter ten now& -* - weren/t so close to graduation. - would seriously consider trans*erring to a school closer to home& - toss my $ackpack into the passenger seat and then crawl in mysel*. arranging the le*to#er dish so it will stay in place& - pull my phone out o* my pocket to connect it to the radio *or the dri#e and start the car& - grip the steering wheel and pause. staring out the windshield at my childhood home& - really wish - could stay here& My cell chimes and - glance down& " didnt lose your number. - roll my eyes& @ere we go& 1bviously. here are you? Cane asks& 1n my way back. - don/t think it/s a good idea to let him know -/m still in town& Stop te#ting. (et me know when you get there. 1k. " said stop te#ting3 - laugh& )ittle does he know -/m parked in my parent/s dri#eway& - remem$er our sarcastic $anter *rom the summer. and - try to think o* something witty to send $ack& - come up with nothing& - put the phone down. put the car in dri#e. and make it to the road& My cell sounds again& Think about when " can visit. - swallow& Heah. -/m not sure i* that/s a good idea&

A*ter apologi(ing to Garrett *or waking him to get my key. - let mysel* into my apartment& -/m grate*ul to $e that much closer to $ed and snuggling with )B& - *lip the light switch $y the door and sweep the room. e;pecting to *ind her waiting *or me& -nstead. what - see almost causes me to drop my le*to#ers& 4ames is leaning against the arm o* the couch and Meg is standing directly in *ront o* him. too close *or my liking. $ut apparently not *or his& 4ames meets my eyes and Duickly stands as Meg takes an automatic step $ack& - narrow my eyes at them as anger surges through my #eins& E>hat do you think this is? A motel?G 4ames gi#es me a condescending look as Meg takes the hint and e#aporates immediately& march into the room and throw my $ackpack on the *loor. then turn and head to the kitchen with the le*to#ers& -/m a*raid i* - hold on to them - might throw them& - yank open the

re*rigerator. toss the container in. and slam the door& Since - can/t physically hurt 4ames - might as well take it out on the appliances& >hen - return to *ace him. - stop +ust a *ew *eet o#er the threshold *rom the kitchen and cross my arms& @e plants his *eet and does the same& >e stare at each other& Three thumps on my wall interrupt the silence& - take a *ew steps $ack. ne#er losing eye contact with 4ames. and hit the wall to answer Garrett/s good night& >hen - return to my pre#ious spot. he *inally speaks& EHou two ha#e some secret code now?G 4ames asks $itterly& EHes.G my #oice drips with sarcasm& EThat was the N@ey,Garrett,4ames,is,with,Meg,again/ signal&G @e tilts his head& ELunny& >hat/s the code *or N-/m,going,home,to,make,out,with,Cane, can,you,watch,my,cat/?G - step *orward& EThat/s not what happened&G E-sn/t it?G @e pauses& E-t sure looked like a rende(#ous to me&G Jsing his *ingers. he ticks o** the details& E2arked car& Middle o* the night& Secluded spot& Am - *orgetting anything? =h. yes.G he looks at me accusingly. Eyour lips on his&G Blood starts to pound in my ears& EAre you going to let me e;plain? =r would you rather assume you know e#erything?G @is raises his eye$rows and gestures *or me to go ahead& E- didn/t plan on running into Cane yesterdayA - didn/t know he would $e at the party&G 4ames *eigns con*usion& ESo you ended up connected at the mouth how?G - inhale. trying to maintain my composure& E@e wanted to talk. to apologi(e& To e;plain the whole engagement *iasco&G EThat still doesn/t answer my Duestion&G ECid you miss the part where - told him - was still in lo#e with you? - wasn/t going to kiss himF -* you had waited to appear *or. like. two seconds. you would ha#e seen thatFG 4ames shakes his head& E- don/t $elie#e you&G E-t/s the truth.G - say adamantly& E<eally?G @e looks me dead in the eye& E- saw what happened a*ter Meg and - le*t& - heard you choose M and - saw what you did&G The mention o* Meg/s name irritates me to no end& EGoodF That/s what - wantedFG @e looks con*used *or a moment and then rearranges his *ace& - walk up to him and stop inches *rom his chest& EThe only reason - kissed Cane was to pro#e to you that I%m in control M not him. not you. and certainly not your little girl*riendFG @is *ace twists& EShe/s not my girl*riendFG E-s that so?G - press& EShe/s e#erywhere you areF -ncluding in my personal spaceFG @e looks at me skeptically& ESo -/m not allowed to ha#e *riends. is that it?G EAm -?G E-t/s not the sameFG 4ames says in *rustration& @e starts to pace and when he turns $ack to me. his eyes are hard& E-/#e ne#er kissed Meg&G - look down to a#oid his stare& - know how much Cane gets under 4ames/ skin& 'issing him was a childish mo#e& EMeg and - are working together.G 4ames says& EShe understands me&G My head snaps up& EAnd - don/t?G

EHou know that/s not what - meant&G @e walks toward me& EMeg and -. we want the same thing&G @e pauses and searches my *ace& E-t/s what - thought you wanted. too&G @ow can he dou$t that - would want him to $e human? E=* course - want that&G ECo you?G he asks& E=r ha#e you changed your mind?G My e;pression twists& E0oFG My phone rings *rom my $ack pocket interrupting us& - reach *or it automatically as mentally kick mysel*& - was supposed to call my parents when - got $ack& EGee. - wonder who that could $e.G 4ames says sarcastically& E-t/s my parents.G - snap& - look down at the phone to answer it and *ind that -/m wrong& -t/s not my mom and dad& - stare at the phone as it continues to ring. a*raid to answer it& 4ames crosses his arms and leans *orward. taunting me& E>hat/s wrong? Cat got your tongue?G - open my mouth to speak and nothing comes out& >hat do - say? - know Cane is only calling to make sure - got $ack sa*e. $ut 4ames won/t $elie#e that& E>hat are you waiting *or?G 4ames asks& - narrow my eyes at him. and the call goes to #oicemail& E=h. - get it& -t/s a pri#ate con#ersation.G he says sardonically& @e takes a *ew steps $ackward& E- won/t keep you&G Anger and sadness $attle inside me& ECon/t go& - don/t want to *ight&G E<eally?G he asks. irritated& EHou started swinging the minute you walked in the door&G EThat/s $ecause - caught you and Meg in my apartmentFG ECaught us doing what. e;actly?G he challenges me& ETalking?G EShe was this *ar *rom youFG - hold my thum$ and *ore*inger an inch apart& EAnd that/s a crime?G he asks in dis$elie*& @ow can he not see what a dou$le standard this is? E-* you *ound Cane and me like that in your place you would $e +ust as pissed&G 4ames eyes me& EAh. news*lash& - already *ound you two together&G @e leans *orward& Eam pissed&G My phone sounds again. this time with a te;t message& - resist the urge to look down at my hand and continue to stare at 4ames& - understand that he/s upset& >hy can/t he see that - am too? EJn$elie#a$le.G he mutters as my cell continues to chime& E@e +ust wants to make sure -/m sa*e&G 4ames sets his +aw& E- thought that was my +o$&G E-s it?G - ask. e;asperated& EBecause you/re not acting like itFG 4ames opens his mouth to speak. $ut then stops& @e $links at me and suddenly his *ace goes slack& EHou/re right.G he says without any real emotion& @is head snaps to the le*t. clearly hearing something - cannot. and he $egins to *ade in *ront o* me& E>aitFG - reach out toward him. $ut he #anishes in the $link o* an eye& - stand there *ro(en. with my arm e;tended in *ront o* me. staring at the space he +ust le*t& My mind races. and -/m taken $ack to the last time we *ought. to the night he died& >hen he walked out on our argument& 4ust like now& My heart aches at the memory& - wait *or the *amiliar *eeling o* tears $ehind my eyes. $ut strangely. it doesn/t occur& Mechanically. - walk o#er to my discarded $ackpack. pick it up. and head to the $edroom where - *ind )B on my pillow. curled up and com*orta$le& - pet her *or a

*ew minutes and then walk through the motions o* getting ready *or $ed in a da(e& =nce tucked $eneath my sheets. - listen to Cane/s #oice mail and read his te;t& They/re similar& *id you make it back yet? - send him a Duick message& !ade it. Tired. .oing to bed. - call my parents ne;t. waking them to tell them the same& A*ter - hang up. - lie down with )B *or what -/m sure is going to $e a restless night& - pet her a$sentmindedly as 4ames/ words replay in my mind and wea#e through her purr& >hat - once *elt +usti*ied in de*ending seems de*enseless now. and my heart *eels hea#y& My phone chimes on my nightstand. and - reach o#er to gra$ it& Cane is still awake& 1k. *ream of me 9: - gi#e my phone a sad smile& -* only it were that simple&

Chapter 1"
E=kay&G Garrett slams his Ethics te;t$ook shut& E>hat/s wrong?G - snap $ack to reality& E>hat?G EHou ha#en/t $een yoursel* since you got $ack& >hat/s $othering you?G -t/s $een *our days since my *ight with 4ames& Lour days& And he hasn/t #isited once. no matter how much - think a$out him or how much -/m hurting& All - can do is assume the worst and picture him *rolicking in the -ntermediate with Meg& -/#e $een trying to come to grips with the *act that - pushed him away. that my kissing Cane dro#e him straight into her arms& - ha#e no one to $lame $ut mysel*. and it depresses me& EEmma?G E>hat?G Garrett crosses his arms and gi#es me an irritated stare& EAre you going to tell me what/s going on or do - ha#e to make you?G - *rown& EHou can do that?G Garrett pauses& E0o&G - stare at him and notice his $right turDuoise eyes ha#e *aded to a more su$dued shade o* $lue& @e told me they will e#entually turn $rown. his original eye color. once his trans*ormation is complete& @e has a little less than three months to go now& ESo?G he asks& E-t/s complicated.G - say and go $ack to re#iewing my notes& - don/t want to get 4ames in trou$le& E>ould a certain Guardian ha#e anything to do with this?G - shoot him an annoyed look o#er my paper& E@a#e you *orgotten that we ha#e a midterm tomorrow?G @e reaches across the co**ee ta$le and gra$s the top o* my note$ook. pulling it *rom my hands& E@eyFG E)isten. normally - wouldn/t pry.G he says& EBut the only thing - can think o* that would put you in this type o* mood would ha#e to $e something to do with 4ames& And seeing as how anything that happens with 4ames is my $usiness. - think - ha#e a right to ask you MG E@ow do you know it/s 4ames?G - snap& E>hat i* it/s something at home? >hat i* it/s something to do with my *amily?G Garrett $links& E-I- stand corrected.G he says and starts to slide my note$ook $ack to me& E-/m sorry&G - reach out and gra$ my notes. slamming them down in *ront o* me& - know he/s wrapped up in his own little world. $ut the ma+ority o* people on this planet ha#e other issues to deal with $esides Guardian ones& )et that $e an important lesson in humanity& - try to concentrate on studying. $ut the words start to $lur as - *eel Garrett staring at me& A*ter a *ew moments o* awkward silence. - raise my eyes to meet his& Can he tell -/m lying? ECo you want to talk a$out it?G he asks Duietly& 3es. - think& This is e;actly the kind o* thing - need Shel *or. the type o* situation where you need your $est girl*riend& - need a *emale perspecti#e. someone who can empathi(e with what -/m *eeling and help me sort through what/s happened& But - can/t talk to her& 0ot a$out this&

>hen - don/t respond. Garrett starts to look uncom*orta$le& E)ook. -/m +ust trying to help& -* this is a $ad time. - can come $ack to study&G @e starts to gather his things& - let out a hea#y sigh& 0ow - *eel $ad& -* - don/t come clean a$out what/s going on. -/m sure karma will turn on me and something horri$le will happen& EStop.G - tell him and set my hand on top o* the papers that he/s organi(ing into a pile& EHou/re right& -t is a$out 4ames&G @e lets go o* the papers and eyes me suspiciously& E>hy the line a$out your *amily?G EBecause&G - toss my notes to the side& E- don/t want to get him in trou$le&G Garrett raises his eye$rows& E>hy would he $e in trou$le?G Since -/m seated on the *loor ne;t to the co**ee ta$le. - lie $ack. rest my hands against my stomach. and talk to the ceiling& E>e had a *ight&G @is *ace appears a$o#e mine& EA$out what?G - continue to look at the ceiling& ECane& And Meg&G E>hat a$out them?G he asks. con*used& >hen - don/t immediately answer. his tone grows *rustrated and he leans closer& EAm - going to ha#e to pull e#ery little $it o* in*ormation out o* you?G - prop mysel* up on my el$ows. and he leans $ack& E- ran into Cane when - went home on Saturday&G EAnd?G E4ames appeared une;pectedly with Meg& @e challenged me to kiss Cane&G - push mysel* to sit up straight& ESo - did&G Garrett stares at me. his mouth *alling open a little& EThen. when - got $ack on Sunday. - *ound him here with Meg in my apartment&G ECoing what?G Garrett *rowns& E>ho knows?G - scowl& EThey were all up in each other/s personal space& 4ames said they were +ust talking. $ut seeing the two o* them made me more upset& Especially a*ter they showed up in Cane/s car the way they did&G Garrett looks at me as i* he/s ha#ing a hard time comprehending what -/#e told him& E- ha#en/t seen him since we *ought.G - say and look away& - can *eel tears $egin to creep $ehind my eyes. so - reach o#er and open my te;t$ook as a distraction& EThat/s e#erything.G *inish as - pretend to redirect my attention& Minutes pass& - read the same paragraph three times $e*ore - hear Garrett/s #oice& E4ames made a mistake&G - continue to look at my $ook& ESo did -&G E- don/t think you understand.G Garrett says and leans *orward to try and make me look at him& EHour decisions are yours to make& 4ames is supposed to guide you in those decisions. not in*luence them&G My shoulders slump& E- know why he did it.G - say. trying to $e rational a*ter days o* entertaining e#ery irrational thought imagina$le& EHou do?G Garrett asks& EBecause - sure as hell don/t&G - look at him sarcastically& @e should get thisA it/s not that hard to *igure out& E- was with someone he doesn/t like. someone - told him - was mad at& Someone who hurt me&G ESo?G he asks. pertur$ed& E>hat/s it to him as long as you/re not in danger?G My *ace twists in con*usion& E>ere you in danger?G E0oFG

EThen 4ames should ha#e kept his mouth shut and stayed out o* your $usiness&G Garrett sits $ack& E@e/s not allowed to $e +ealous&G - sigh& E- should ne#er ha#e gone with Cane&G - ru$ my *orehead to try and ease the dull ache that has $een there all week& E>hy not?G - look at Garrett like he/s $umped his head& EBecause none o* this would ha#e happenedF 4ames wouldn/t ha#e gotten +ealous. - wouldn/t ha#e kissed Cane. and - wouldn/t $e so worried a$out MegFG @e raises his eye$rows& EAre you sure a$out that?G - open my mouth to speak. $ut then close it again& -/m starting to hate this con#ersation& E)ook. -/m an outsider.G Garrett says and leans *orward again& ECo you want to know what see?G This is what - would ask Shel i* - could. so - nod& E4ames shouldn/t $e +ealous o* anyone you/re with or anything you doA his duty is to guide and protect you in your decisions& 2eriod& As *or Cane. - ha#e the *eeling that you would ha#e kissed him anyway MG - open my mouth to protest and Garrett holds up his hand to stop me& EM i* not now. then later& - know you/re con*used a$out him. and that/s okay& Hou need to ha#e a li*e& As *or Meg. she/s +ust *lirtatious $y nature&G My mouth *alls open& ECoes that gi#e her permission to come on to my $oy*riend?G Garrett laughs& ESo. i* you can/t ha#e him no one can? -s that how it works nowadays?G E@e/s still mineFG @e rolls his eyes& EEmma. how can you $e with a Guardian? Surely you/re not that delusional&G E=ne day he won/t $e a Guardian.G - remind him& ESurely you can/t $e that delusional&G My comment stops him short and he stares at me. da(ed& @ow could he ha#e *orgotten that simple *act? Talking a$out this would $e so much easier with ShelA $y nature women tend to remem$er e#en the smallest o* details& E>e/re going to ha#e a human li*e together.G - say adamantly& E>hether you think so or not&G Garrett $links and looks away. clearing his throat& EHou/ll ha#e to make up *irst though.G he says Duietly& @is assured tone is gone. and his #oice sounds a $it hollow& @e mo#es to sit opposite me and starts to organi(e his papers spread on the ta$le& -t/s clear he/s uncom*orta$le and tension now *ills the air& >hat does he know that - don/t? My mind races and my thoughts immediately turn to Meg& @er relationship with 4ames must $e more serious than - imagined and Garrett knows it/s going to di**icult *or us to mo#e past this& -* 4ames can $e human again and Meg can tooI EThey/re already together. aren/t they?G @e looks up& E>ho?G ECon/t play dum$& 4ames and Meg&G E>hat? 0o& - mean. -/#e heard some rum$lings that they might $e starting something. $ut - dou$t they/re anywhere near marriage&G - stare at him stupidly& ELrom who? Shouldn/t you ha#e told me?G EMy $rother.G he says& EAnd no. $ecause he/s a little $iased when it comes to Meg& -t/s hard to $elie#e the accuracy in what he says when it comes to her&G

E>hy is that?G E4ack and Meg ha#e a history&G - raise an eye$row& 4ack and Meg were together? @e/s so gru** and she/s so not& Talk a$out an odd couple& E- take it she gets around?G Garrett smirks& E-* you call a 26 year relationship Ngetting around/&G This whole Guardian,hook up thing has my mind reeling& That is a long time to $e together& EBut what a$out their true lo#es? >hat a$out $eing released?G E-/m pretty sure my $rother ne#er had a true lo#e& And as *or Meg. who am - to speculate on her moti#es? May$e she knew her Ca#id wouldn/t release her& @e chose eternity a*ter he drowned& >ithout her&G =kay& - ha#e to admit that *act makes me *eel a twinge o* sympathy *or Meg& But. - still don/t like her coming on to 4ames& @e can spend unlimited time with herA there/s no way - can compete& - think a$out my idiotic mo#e with Cane. and my heart plummets& E>hat are you thinking a$out?G Garrett asks& EThat - ha#e no one to $lame. $ut mysel*&G - slam my $ook shut& E- suck at relationships&G E- could say the same thing&G 4ames/ #oice startles me. and my head whips around& Garrett pushes himsel* to stand and gathers his things& E-/ll take this as my cue to lea#e.G he says and tucks the items under his arm& @e walks around the co**ee ta$le toward the door. making eye contact with 4ames *or a $rie* second& E)et me know i* you want to go o#er anything else.G he says o#er his shoulder& E- will&G >hen the door closes $ehind him. - study 4ames& E>here ha#e you $een?G - ask and *linch& - think - already know the answer to that Duestion& @e walks *orward and sits on the *loor in *ront o* me. crossing his legs to match mine& @e reaches *or my hands. and - allow him to take them& =ur eyes meet. and his e;pression couldn/t $e more serious& - think to mysel* that this is it& This is where he tells me that he/s had enough and we/re through& EHou/re $lowing this Meg thing way out o* proportion.G he says& - study our hands& EAm -?G EHes.G he says. his tone *irm& EShe/s a *riend& 0othing more&G E- take it you were ea#esdropping on my con#ersation with Garrett?G E4ust the last part.G he admits& @is hand appears $eneath my chin. and he li*ts my ga(e& E-/m serious& There is nothing romantic $etween me and Meg&G My mouth twists& E- think she wants there to $e&G @e shrugs& E=h well *or her&G - mo#e his hand away *rom my chin and lace my *ingers through his& ESo. where ha#e you $een?G - ask again& ETrying to sort out what to say to you& Trying to *igure out how to apologi(e&G E-t took you *our days?G EEm. - screwed up& )ike. massi#ely messed up& Hou were so angryA - didn/t know i* you would want to see me&G - gi#e him an incredulous look& E@ow could you think that? @a#en/t you *elt how upset -/#e $een?G E- know you/re upset. $ut the emotion is all - *eel& - don/t know the e;act cause unless physically check on you and MG he stops&

EAnd what?G @is shoulders *all& E- didn/t want to *ind you with Cane again& >hat i* you were with him and he was upsetting you? - would ha#e ripped his head o**& =r what i* you were thinking a$out $reaking things o** with me? - wanted to gi#e you time to sort out your *eelings&G E- would ne#er $reak up with youF And - ha#en/t seen Cane since last weekend& -/#e $een putting him o**. telling him he can/t #isit. $ecause -/m $usy with midterms&G 4ames looks wary& E)ook. - know - started something with Cane that - shouldn/t ha#e& >hat - did was stupid and reacti#e and part o* my $eing upset is trying to *igure out how to *i; that& Another part is imagining you spending time with Meg.G - hesitate& EBut. the main reason -/m sad is $ecause we *ought and you le*t& 4ust like the night you died&G @is *ace *ills with remorse& @e lets go o* my hands and Duickly collects me in his arms. pulling me *orward and into his lap& E-/m so sorry.G he says against my hair& E- lo#e you.G - speak against his chest& -t/s the only thing - can think to say& E2lease don/t lea#e me without at least saying good$ye&G @e leans $ack. so he can see my *ace& E- will ne#er lea#e you& E#erything -/#e done has $een *or you&G EBut it hasn/t $een easy.G - say& E-t/s $een hell& 0ot that - like it. $ut - can understand i* you would want something easier. something with Meg&G @e *rowns& E- don/t want something with Meg&G - gi#e him a condescending look& EShe/s always aroundIG E- ha#e to talk to someone.G 4ames says gently& EShe gi#es good ad#iceA she listens when need to #ent& She helps me& She/s the one who pulled me out o* Cane/s car $e*ore - said anything else to hurt you or $e*ore - took my anger out on him&G - study his *ace while - process what he/s said& E- guess tell her thanks.G - say insincerely. Ee#en though - don/t like her knowing my personal $usiness&G ECo you e;pect me to stay mute?G he asks& E- ha#e to deal with these *eelings that -/m not supposed to *eel somehow&G E>hat a$out me? - ha#e no one to talk to a$out this& - would do almost anything to get Shel/s opinion o* how - should *i; what - started with Cane& But - can/t ask her $ecause she would +ust tell me to go *or it $ecause she has no idea that you still e;ist& - can/t rationally e;plain my *eelings without mentioning you&G E>hat a$out Garrett? Hou seem a$le to talk to him&G E-t/s not the same& @e/s an e;,Guardian who can/t seem to comprehend why you/re ha#ing a hard time dealing with your connection to me& @e seems to think you should $e a$le to get o#er it and that - should mo#e on with my li*e&G 4ames *rowns. $ut then his eyes light up& E- know& >hat i* - asked some o* the girls to come $y and you could talk? )ike 4oss or 4enna?G - make a *ace& More Guardians? EHou could ask them some Duestions. discuss your Guardian *rustrations&G - hesitate& E- don/t know&G EAt least they/re *emale.G he o**ers& This is true& E4oss does seem really nice.G - concede& ECo you want me to ask them?G

- shrug& E- guess& But i* they can/t. it/s okay& - don/t know how - *eel a$out re#ealing my pro$lems to strangers&G @e holds me closer& EThey won/t $e strangers *or long.G he assures me& EThe girls are really nice&G - can/t help it& EEspecially Meg&G E>ould you cut that out?G 4ames sDuee(es me& EAs - recall. we had a #ery similar con#ersation this past summer. only in the re#erse&G - li*t my head and look at him. scrunching up my nose& EA$out Cane? That he was only $eing nice and wanted to $e your *riend?G EHou know how that turned out.G - say sarcastically& EBut - $elie#ed you.G he stresses& EBecause - knew that/s what you truly thought&G ELine.G - hu**& E- $elie#e that you/re *riends& But. *or the record. - don/t trust her&G =ne side o* his mouth Duirks up& - sigh and then li*t my *ace to plant an innocent kiss on his lips& E-/m glad you didn/t wait any longer to come see me&G ESo am -.G he says and kisses me $ack. his kiss stronger than mine& That rela;ed. calm *eeling - always get when he is here takes o#er. and. when we part. - une;pectedly yawn& EAm - $oring you?G he laughs& E0o& =ur con#ersation has $een ri#eting&G EBut my kiss put you to sleep?G - smile and shake my head& E- must not kiss as well as Cane.G he teases& My mouth *alls open& EShut upF Hou know why - did thatFG E=h. - know.G he smirks& My *ace *lushes red& E- already *eel terri$le& Con/t make me *eel worseFG @e grins then plants a kiss on my *orehead& EHou/re *orgi#en. although - might ha#e to $ring it up *rom time to time&G - roll my eyes& E- would e;pect nothing less&G E>hat a$out me?G he asks& EAm - *orgi#en?G - pretend to ponder his Duestion. $ut o* course - already know the answer& EHes. $ut MG EBut what? Hour *orgi#eness has conditions?G - gi#e him a stale look& E- *orgi#e you *or $eing +ealous and disappearing on me. $ecause those things - understand& But does Meg ha#e to *ollow you where#er you go?G - look around the room cautiously& E-s she here now?G @e mo#es one arm $eneath my knees and wraps his other arm tightly around my $ack and smiles& E0o. she/s not here now&G @e shi*ts his weight and stands with ease. holding me against him like a child& My eyes widen in surprise as his li*ts me o** the *loor& EThis is new.G - say in awe and then narrow my eyes& EAre you trying to distract me?G E)et/s +ust say Meg has a #ested interest in what happens $etween us.G he says as he starts to carry me toward my $edroom& EAnd why/s that?G E-/m not allowed to say&G E<eally?G E<eally&G

>e enter my room and he sets me on the $ed ne;t to )B& - swing my legs o** the side and turn to *ace him as he leans o#er me. placing his hands on either side o* me against the mattress& ECome on.G - press& E=$#iously -/m good at keeping secrets&G EShe/s trying to make sure - don/t screw up again.G he says& - cross my arms and search his *ace& E- already know that& Tell me what - don/t know&G @is e;pression twists. and - look up at him innocently& E-t will put my mind at ease.G - say& EHou would do that *or your >ard. right?G 4ames smirks& E>hen did you start to play dirty? That/s not *air&G - raise my eye$rows and shrug& A*ter a moment. when he doesn/t o**er any in*ormation. pout& @e rolls his eyes and stands& ELine& @ow can - put this?G @e looks to the ceiling in thought& - wait impatiently& -/m a$out to ha#e a concrete reason *or Meg/s persistent presence other than my own suspicions& These last *ew days ha#e $een torturous& @e *inally turns to me& E)isten& This is all - can tell you. so don/t ask me *or anything more& =kay?G - nod& @e steps *orward& EMeg is helping me.G he says& EBut. she is also looking out *or the $est interest o* her >ard&G

Chapter 1#
My con#ersation with 4ames runs through my mind on an endless loop& - can/t turn it o**& redirect my *ocus and try to concentrate on the Ethics e;am in *ront o* me& - ha#e one more essay to *inish& - need to compare the *i#e sel*,interest philosophies and. i* -/m not care*ul. might end up writing a paragraph a$out why - think Meg is Cane/s Guardian& - start to write and catch Garrett out o* the corner o* my eye& @e looks at his paper. perple;ed& Guilt washes o#er me& >e didn/t study enough& My personal pro$lems got in the way last night. e#en though he was the one who pressed me a$out them& -/ll ha#e to $e sure to apologi(e a*ter class& Garrett didn/t sign up to $e my therapist& - *inish my test as Duickly as - dare. $rie*ly mentioning each philosophy& A *ew missed points shouldn/t hurt my grade anyA - was rocking an A $e*ore this e;am& - gather my things and turn my paper in to Ms& 4ohnson. then head out to the hallway to wait *or Garrett& - place my $ackpack against my *eet and lean against the wall as 4ames/ #oice replays in my mind M $She%s looking out for /est interest of her ,ard.( - sigh& Meg has to $e Cane/s GuardianA who else would my relationship with 4ames e**ect? 0aturally. - tried to get 4ames to tell me i* - was correct. $ut he would neither con*irm nor deny my assumption& Then. when he decided to stay the night. - got completely sidetracked& -t/s hard to ask Duestions when your mouth is connected to someone else/s. Guardian or not& My cell #i$rates in my pocket. $ringing me $ack *rom the memory& - pull it out to read the te;t message& ,re you finished with midterms?? Aw. hell& -t/s Cane& -/m going to ha#e to think o* another e;cuse as to why - can/t see him& stare at the phone and silently wish - could +ust tell him the truth& E>hat/s up?G Garrett asks. appearing in *ront o* me& - li*t my head. and my shoulders slump& ECane wants to know i* -/m done with midterms&G EAnd that/s a $ad thing?G E- can/t see him&G E>hy not?G -/m at a loss *or words& >e/re supposed to $e *riends. $ut we can/t hang out& 4ames would ha#e a conniption *itA not to mention. - kind o* kissed Cane the last time we were together& E4ames wouldn/t like it&G Garrett/s e;pression twists& E- told you that/s none o* his MG EHeah. yeah.G - interrupt him and push mysel* away *rom the wall& - pick up my $ackpack with my *ree hand and toss it o#er my shoulder& E)et/s go&G Garrett *ollows me out o* the $uilding. and we head across campus& ESo. how/d you do?G ask& Garrett shrugs& E=kay. - guess&G E-/m sorry& >e should ha#e studied more& -/ll de*initely make it up to you *or the *inal&G @e smiles& E- didn/t say - did terri$le& -/ll pass&G - nod& EGood&G >e walk $ack to our apartments in relati#e silence& >hen we reach the street corner closest to home. Garrett asks. ESo. - take it last night went well?G EHes&G

EHou/re no longer *ighting with 4ames?G - shake my head& Garrett *alls silent. and - want to ask him a$out Meg& >ould 4ames get in trou$le *or telling me as much as he did? E- ha#e a Duestion&G EShoot&G E>hy can/t - know who a Guardian/s >ard is? Say. *or e;ample. Meg/s.G - try to ask nonchalantly& E>hy is that so secret?G Garrett gi#es me a knowing smile& EHou/d make a terri$le interrogation o**icer&G - roll my eyes& E>hy can/t - know?G E)et me guess.G Garrett pretends to think& E4ames told you Meg is hanging around $ecause it has something to do with her duty. right?G =ne eye$row li*ts in Duestion& EAre you telling me he/s lying?G @e chuckles& E0o& @e/s telling the truth&G E-t/s Cane. isn/t it?G - stop walking& EMeg is Cane/s Guardian&G Garrett stops a *ew steps ahead o* me and turns& E>ould that upset you?G E0o&G - try to look una**ected and *ail& EHes& - don/t know&G EAnd that/s precisely why.G he says matter,o*,*actly& EGuardians don/t need +ealousy or animosity among >ards& Hou/re not supposed to know we e#en e;ist& -t only complicates matters&G - start walking again& E@ow so?G ESuppose you told your *riend Shel that she has a Guardian& >hat would she do?G E2ro$a$ly *reak out.G - concede& EShe/d think - was cra(y&G EE;actly.G Garrett says& EAnd i* you knew who her Guardian was? >ould you $e tempted to tell her?G - shrug& EMay$e&G EAnd i* she knew? >ould she $e creeped out that this person *elt her emotions? >as capa$le o* watching her e#ery mo#e? Guided her decisions so she was kept sa*e *rom danger? >ould she try to ha#e a *riendship with this person?G E=kayF =kayF - got it&G - push my phone into my pocket and reach *or my keys as we approach the *ront door o* our $uilding& E'nowing who a Guardian/s >ard is should $e kept secret&G Garrett nods in agreement& - open the door. and he *ollows me inside& EHou know more than a$out Guardians than any other human -/#e e#er interacted with.G he says& EHou/#e handled it well. $ut -/m not so sure a$out the general population& Hou know how humans are prone to *ren(y whene#er they disco#er something they don/t understand&G - laugh and throw out a couple o* e;amples& ECrop circles? Area 6!?G Garrett smiles. then whispers. E- can #ouch *or the crop circles&G My eyes grow wide& @e shrugs& E@ey. a *ew o* us got $ored&G - shake my head in dis$elie*& EHou sure know how to mess with people&G Garrett laughs as he pulls his apartment key *rom his pants pocket& @e opens the door to his place as - turn to head toward mine& E@ere/s to a rela;ing weekend without studying *or e;ams.G he says&

- walk $ackward down the hallway to my door& EThat sounds a$solutely per*ect&G - *lash him a thum$s up& E-/ll talk to you later&G @e smiles& E)ater&G - open my apartment door to *ind )B waiting to greet me& - toss my $ackpack aside and $end down to gi#e her a good ru$$ing with $oth hands& >hen she/s satis*ied. she wanders away and - stand& @ere we are with three whole days o* nothing spread out $e*ore us& Again& -/m all down *or rela;ing. $ut -/d rather not $e entirely alone& - pull my phone *rom my pocket and read Cane/s message& Spending time with him is de*initely out o* the Duestion& - wish - could go $ack in time and erase all the hea#y stu** $etween usA so we could $e *riends again and +ust +oke with each other like we used to& Since that can/t happen. - decide to call Shel& May$e - can spend some time with her this weekend in Ann Ar$or& )uckily she picks up& E@ey there. stranger&G E@iFG E>hat are you up to?G E-/#e got class in ten minutes& >hy? >hat/s up? =h. lo#ed your >icked >itch costume $y the way& That was hilariousFG - smile& That party seems like it happened eons ago& E)isten. what are you doing this weekend? Are you $usy? - was thinking - could come and #isit&G EAw. man.G Shel groans& E- ha#e this charity dinner thing *or the hospital on Saturday night. and we/re setting up all day tomorrow&G E>hat are you doing? Kolunteering?G EHeah. waiting ta$les and stu** while the rich $ene*actors pay $ig $ucks *or dinner& -t/s a donation to the hospital&G ESounds thrilling.G - sigh and then pause& ECould you use an e;tra pair o* hands?G EHou want to spend your weekend as a waitress?G ECould -? Anything is $etter than sitting here $y mysel*&G ESureF - mean. -/ll check with the coordinator. $ut - don/t think it will $e a pro$lem& The more the merrier&G ECool&G ECan you get here tomorrow night around eight or nine? >e/re supposed to $e done with set up $y then and we can hang out until we/re needed the ne;t day&G ESounds good&G - reach *or a piece o* scrap paper on the ta$le& E>hat/s the name o* your new dorm again?G Shel recites her address and - +ot it down& EGot it& -/m looking *orward to itFG EMe tooFG Shel sounds e;cited& EThis dinner +ust got a whole lot $etterF The time will *ly $y with you there&G - laugh& E- hope soF Although - don/t know how good - am at waitressing&G E-t/ll $e simple.G Shel reassures me& E- think it/s +ust clearing ta$les. may$e getting drinks& Stu** like that&G E- trust you&G - check the clock& EShouldn/t you $e heading to class?G E=n my way as we speak.G - can hear Shel smile& ETalk while - walk& - heard you met up with Cane the other night&G >hy doesn/t this surprise me? E-/m shocked that you didn/t call to grill me a$out it&G EMatt told me not to.G she says simply& EBesides.G her tone changes to imply that she/s hurt. E- was hoping you/d tell me a$out it yoursel*&G

EThis week has $een cra(y $usy.G - say in de*ense& Cra(y $usy with e;ams. with worry. with guilt. with stressI EMidterms?G she asks& EHou got it&G E>ell. -/m looking *orward to seeing you and hearing a$out Cane.G she says as - think - hear a door opening& E/'ay. -/m at my la$& -/ll let you go&G E=kay& See you tomorrow&G EHep. $yeFG - end the call and set my phone on the ta$le& -t ama(es me that my personal li*e remains interesting to others. $ut then again. your two $est *riends should $e concerned. right? My stomach growls. luring me to the kitchen& - mo#e to stand in *ront o* the re*rigerator and open the door& >hat *a$ulous *ro(en thing can - reheat *or lunch today?

So? - ru$ my eyes with the heels o* my hands& - $link to *ocus and reali(e - must ha#e *allen asleep with my Communications $ook open in *ront o* me& That/s what - get *or lying on my $ed while trying to read $oring material& - glance at the message *rom Cane and then note the time& -t/s almost ten at night& - can/t $elie#e - *orgot all a$out his earlier te;t& At least now - ha#e a response. should he ask to come see me& Sorry. Yes- midterms are over. How did you do? " think " did pretty well. - know - did great in three out o* *our anyway& " dont miss those days. - smile& ,re you sure you remember those days old man? Cane is only three years older than me. $ut it/s still *un to tease him& 6ery funny. "f " was there youd pay for that comment. How so? -t takes him a minute to respond& Thats a loaded 4uestion. *ont tempt me. @mm& May$e - should $ack o** the humor& hat are you doing this weekend? There it is& The Duestion - was dreading& 6isiting Shel. Thats not very nice. >hat? How do you mean? Shel sounded happy to have me. My phone rings a moment later. and - answer Cane with a $ewildered. E@ello?G E-/#e $een asking to come see you&G - sigh& E- know&G EAnd the *irst *ree minute you ha#e you run o** to Shel?G - get de*ensi#e& EShe/s my $est *riendF - ha#en/t seen her in o#er a month& - saw you last weekFG - can hear Cane e;hale& E-t *eels like you/re putting me o** on purpose&G CingF CingF CingF Hou are correct. sir& E-/m sorry.G he Duickly adds& EThings here are nuts& Teagan. workIG

- shudder at the sound o* Teagan/s name& - don/t know who/s worse. her or Meg& E>hat/s going on?G Cane/s tone turns sullen& EShe/s in#ol#ed her dad to get her way&G EAre you sure?G E>hen your $oss ad#ises you to reconsider certain decisions in your li*e or your +o$ is on the line -/d say that makes you ! 6R sure&G My mouth *alls open& EThat/s terri$leF Can he do that? - mean. legally?G E-t/s a *amily owned $usiness& -/m pretty sure he can do whate#er he damn well pleases&G A sick *eeling starts to wrap around my stomach& >hy do - *eel like this is all my *ault? mean. it/s really notA Cane/s the one who decided to $reak o** his engagement& But. - am in#ol#ed and Teagan knows it& E>hat did he say e;actly?G E@e said he knows -/m a good kid. $ut he has to look out *or his only daughter& @e said i* can/t *ind it within mysel* to *ollow through on my proposal. he/d understand M $ut - should $e prepared to seek other employment&G >hat he says angers me& E- can/t $elie#e this& Hou lo#e your +o$&G ECon/t - know it?G @e pauses then laughs sarcastically& E@e did say he would write me a glowing letter o* recommendation&G EThis isn/t right&G - sit up& EThere has to $e something you can do&G EHeah. there is.G he says. disgusted& EMarry Teags&G EBesides that.G - groan& Seconds o* silence pass then Cane clears his throat& EHou know what? -/ll *igure something out& - ha#e a sa#ings& -/m employa$le& - can work *or my dad i* - ha#e to&G - *rown& - know that/s the last thing that would make him happy& E-/m sorry& This whole situation sucks&G - can picture him with a wry smile& EThanks *or commiserating with me& Although a real li*e. in,person hug would $e $etter&G - *eel terri$le *or him and honestly wish - was there to hug him& EConsider this a #irtual one.G - say so*tly $e*ore - really think a$out it& EThanks.G he says. somewhat sad& ESo. when &ill - get to see you?G - hesitate& -* - tell him - can/t see him it will only make things worse. and he doesn/t need that right now& E-/ll work on it.G slips out $e*ore - can catch it& ESeriously. -/m not trying to $e a +erk& -t/s +ustI- ha#e a lot going on right now&G A cool arm slips around my shoulders *rom $ehind. and - immediately tense& - look out o* the corner o* my eye to see 4ames take a seat ne;t to me. his hip pressing against mine& @e *lashes me a smile. and - know he doesn/t know who -/m talking to& E- guess - can $uy that *or now.G Cane concedes& - try to rela; under 4ames/ arm& E)isten. - ha#e to go& -/ll call you later. okay?G E>hy?G @e sounds con*used at the a$rupt end to our con#ersation& E- ha#e company&G - smile at 4ames. so he won/t $e suspicious& E>ho?G E-/ll talk to you tomorrow& NBye&G - end the call $e*ore he can ask any more Duestions and discreetly silence my ringer +ust in case he calls $ack& E@ey&G - toss my phone aside and turn toward 4ames& E- didn/t e;pect to see you tonight&G ESurprise.G he smiles at me& E>ho was that?G @e nods toward my discarded phone&

EShel.G - say Duickly& E-/m going to #isit her tomorrow and stay the weekend& - #olunteered to help her with a charity dinner at the hospital&G 4ames *rowns& E>hat? - told you - needed some girl time&G E- know&G EThen what is it?G @e raises his eye$rows& E>ho else is going to $e volunteering at this dinner?G My *ace scrunches in con*usion& E@ow should - know? 2eople *rom the hospital. other #olunteers like Shel and me&G EKolunteers like Cane?G - lean away *rom him& ESeriously? - thought we were past this&G @e tries to look innocent and says. E- +ust want to $e prepared&G E0o.G - say adamantly& ECane won/t $e there&G EHou/re sure?G E-/m positi#e&G - narrow my eyes& EHou/re doing that control *reak thing again&G @is *ace rela;es& ESorry&G - close my $ook and push it aside& E>hat $rings you $y tonight?G 4ames looks around the room& E>ell. there/s a *oot$all game onIG My mouth *alls open dramatically& EHou/re using me *or my tele#ision?G E>e can snuggle.G he o**ers with a smile& - smirk& EAnything to get your way&G - push mysel* o** the $ed. e;tend my hand. and lead him to the li#ing room& - hate watching *oot$all& But 4ames is here. we/re no longer *ighting. and - wouldn/t change that *or the world& - reach the couch $e*ore 4ames does. and he pulls my hand $ack so - turn to *ace him& @e reaches out and places his *ree hand around the $ase o* my neck. under my hair. and holds my head gently as he lowers his lips to mine& My heart wants to $urst& EHou didn/t get enough o* this last night?G - tease when he mo#es to kiss my *orehead& E- lo#e you.G he says against me& E- lo#e you. too.G - say. and it/s the truth& Loot$all. control *reak. Guardian. and all& -/ll always lo#e him& Jntil the end o* *ore#er&

Chapter 1$
E>ow&G Shel leans in to me& E>hen - helped set up the ta$les yesterday. this room looked nothing like this.G she whispers& Shel and - stand like statues. mouths agape. as we sur#ey the $allroom *or the hospital charity dinner& Cressed in $lack pants. white tu;edo shirts. $lack #ests and $owties. - ha#e to say we resem$le penguins& - clutch the round ser#ing tray in my hands and swallow& -/#e ne#er $een to an e#ent this *ancy& - was mistaken in thinking that the dinner was taking place at the actual hospital& -nstead. it/s at an upscale hotel in the area. called The -nn at St& 4ohn/s. which is +ust outside the city o* Ann Ar$or& The room is set *or roughly "6 guests. all *rom prestigious local and international organi(ations& Each $usiness has their own ta$le or ta$les. distinctly marked with their company names and logos inside tall. *all,themed centerpieces that are lit *rom within& The ta$les hold more china than - thought imagina$le *or one dinner. and they are draped to the *loor in cloths that alternate in rich autumn hues *rom chocolate $rown to emerald green to rusty red& The chairs are co#ered as well. in the same deep tones. each with a precisely tied caramel colored $ow& The chandeliers in the $allroom are dimly lit. which allows the centerpieces and tea lights on each ta$le gi#e o** the *eeling o* a more intimate dinner& A string Duartet tunes their instruments in one cornerA while in another. $artenders $usy themsel#es stocking liDuor and wiping glasses& As my eyes roam the room. - *ind a long $u**et ta$le that is currently $eing *illed with e#ery hors d/oeu#re you can think o*& A tall ice sculpture $earing the Jni#ersity o* Michigan hospital logo graces the center o* the $u**et. o* which - can see the $ase $eing *illed with +um$o shrimp and oysters on the hal* shell& The coordinator *or the e#ent. Cana. told us #olunteers that we are to clear the empty hors d/oeu#re plates as we *ind them. along with any empty glasses. and return them to the kitchen& )ater. a*ter dinner. the ta$le will $e *illed with desserts and we/ll $e on the same mission& Curing dinner. we are to clear empty plates and retrie#e drinks *rom the $ar when asked& She said we/d $e a$le to eat as thanks *or our ser#ice. so -/m really looking *orward to trying some o* this *ood& My mind wanders to Garrett& @e would lo#e something like thisA although. he would pro$a$ly choose to spend all o* his time in the kitchen& Cana claps her hands& E=kay. happy #olunteers.G she says& E=ur guests should start arri#ing any minute&G She di#ides our group down the center with a sweeping gesture& EThis hal* works the right side o* the room. this hal* the le*t&G She eyes two women standing o#er to the side. dressed in na#y pencil skirts and white $louses& EAu$rey and Sydney. you two start with coat check and handle the rush& -/ll switch you out when dinner starts&G >e disperse to our sides o* the room and luckily. Shel and - get the side with the hors d/oeu#re ta$le& - get an up close and personal look. taking in all o* the #arieties o* pre,dinner snacks& There/s your typical cheese and crackers. although intricately displayed in a water*all e**ect. and cruditQ with a #ariety o* dips& Mini Duiche& Any and all kinds o* *ruit& The shrimp and the oysters& Ca#iar& Ci**erent #ariations o* meat$alls& Salmon pate& Bacon wrapped chicken $ites& -t/s endless& - lean o#er to Shel& E>ho can eat this much *ood?G - ask& E>hat/s le*t *or dinner?G

Shel shrugs& E<ich people? - guess when you pay S"6 a plate. you get your money/s worth&G ES"6 a plate?G @oly crapF As the room starts to *ill with the *irst partygoers. the Duartet $egins to play& -/m surprised $y their *irst piece& EN-s this 2umped Jp 'icks?/G - ask Shel& She tips her head toward the music then raises her eye$rows in appreciation& ESounds like it.G she says& E0ot $ad& >ho knew Loster the 2eople was a popular instrumental choice?G - smile and turn my attention to the *illing room& The men wear $usiness suits. some with $right colored ties while others lea#e their collars open& The women are dressed in an array o* di**erent styles *rom cocktail dresses. to skirts. to dressy slacks. and tops& As the guests approach the *ood ta$le. - can/t help $ut notice that no one *orgot their +ewelry tonight& 0ecklaces. $racelets. rings. wristwatches and cu** links all manage to catch the dim light and re*lect it& -/m $eginning to think this dinner is more *or show than charity& ESo.G Shel asks. Eha#e you decided?G My *orehead pinches& EA$out what?G E>hen you/re going to see Cane again&G - gi#e her an e;asperated look& >e had this discussion in depth last night when - arri#ed. a*ter - told her a$out my run in with Teagan at the @alloween party and the resulting con#ersation and kiss with Cane& E0o& - ha#en/t decided&G E>ell.G she li*ts her tray. Espend this mindless night thinking a$out it& -/m o** to collect dirty dishes&G - raise my tray as well and *ollow her lead. winding my way through the ta$les in the opposite direction& As - walk. - think a$out the con#ersation we had last night& - got no use*ul ad#ice at all *rom Shel in regard to Cane& There/s not one reason she can think o* *or me to end what - started with him& - hate that - am in this situation all alone& At some point -/m going to ha#e to $e the $ad guy. and - wish there was one human that could understand why& - spend the cocktail hour clearing more empty glasses than plates& Turns out. wealthy $ene*actors like to drink. especially #odka martinis and scotch on the rocks& As - $urn another path in the carpet to the kitchen. a man in my periphery catches my attention& - slow my walk& -s he staring at me? - $link and continue on my path& 0o& That/s impossi$le& My ne;t round through the room yields yet more glasses and a run,in with Shel& E@ow/s it going?G - ask& EThis is a lot o* workFG she says& E0o wonder they/re *eeding us&G - agree& - *ill my tray as *ull as - dare and make another trip to the kitchen& 0ot thinking. take the same route as $e*ore and pass the same gentleman& - could swear he/s watching me again& - get $ra#e and try to meet his eyes. which he Duickly shi*ts to another person standing in his group& >ho is this guy? -/#e ne#er seen him $e*ore& A*ter - empty my tray in the dish area. - wait around *or Shel to appear& >hen she rounds the corner. - approach her side& E@ey&G E@ey.G she says as she empties her tray& E)ook. -/m pro$a$ly imagining things. $ut - swear there is a guy out there staring at me&G Shel/s eyes light up& E=hF -s he cute?G E0oF @e/s an older guy. pro$a$ly my dad/s age&G Shel *rowns& ECreeper&G ECome out there with me and see i* -/m $eing paranoid&G

E=kay.G she says& E>here is he at? >hat does he look like?G >e start to walk& E@e/s standing with a group a *ew *eet *rom the kitchen entrance& @e/s a$out 4ames/ height. with $lack hair and a mustache&G E4ames/ height?G Shel asks me. surprised& EHes. 4ames/ height& >hy is that weird?G She shrugs& E-t/s +ustIyou ha#en/t mentioned him in awhile& -t/s odd hearing his name&G -* she only knew& EC/mon.G - say and re*use to ela$orate on my choice o* description& E-/ll walk near him and you watch&G >e e;it the kitchen. and - spot the guy still standing with the group& - head toward him. yet parallel. and Shel heads opposite me& - $usy mysel* collecting plates and glasses. and - swear can *eel eyes on me& They might $e Shel/s though. and - may +ust $e hyper,sensiti#e to the situation& - walk *urther into the room. looking amongst the ta$les. picking up an item here or there and e#entually make my way $ack to Shel/s side& ESo?G - ask& E@e is de*initely staring at you&G -ck& E>hy?G - ask like she will ha#e the answer& E@ow am - supposed to know? Are you sure you/#e ne#er seen him $e*ore? May$e he recogni(es you *rom Bay >oods&G EShel. you/re a genius& That has to $e it&G >here else would - ha#e run into someone with money? The string Duartet ends their latest song. and our attention is drawn to their set up as Cana speaks into the microphone& She asks e#eryone to *ind their seats as dinner will $e ser#ed momentarily& Shel and - $alance our trays through the crowd that con#erges on the center o* the room. and we slowly make our way $ack toward the kitchen& As we pass the last group o* ta$les. - can/t help $ut notice the man taking his seat& My eyes +ump to the company name inside the centerpiece. and my stomach drops through the *loor& The $usiness name is )egionnaire&

E-t/s Cane/s $ossFG - whisper to Shel. as we wait with the other #olunteers along the $ack o* the room while the Caesar salad is $eing ser#ed& E-t has to $e&G Shel looks wary& EMay$e. may$e not& @e could +ust $e someone who works there& Besides. how would he know who you were?G E- told you he threatened to *ire Cane i* he didn/t marry his daughter& May$e Teagan showed him a picture o* me or something&G Shel Duestions my logic& EShe would go through that trou$le? >hat. did she put an A2B out on you?G - gi#e her a dry look& E- wouldn/t put it past her& She does not like me&G EStill.G Shel sounds unsure. Ei* it is him. what/s he going to do? @e/s pro$a$ly +ust checking out his daughter/s competition&G - roll my eyes& EGreat&G - look down at my out*it and tray& E- can +ust imagine what he/ll report $ack&G Cana approaches us and di#ides us down the center again& @al* o* us get to eat while the other hal* clears the room. and then we/ll switch& Thank*ully. Shel and - are selected *or the eating group. and - can a#oid Mr& Meyer *or the ne;t hour& >e head to the kitchen to collect our

plates and then take a seat in a small meeting room at another location in the hall& Cinner is ama(ing. e#en though -/m ner#ous as all heck and can only manage to eat hal* o* what -/m gi#en& - *eel really guilty a$out it. too& There are people who would kill to ha#e *ilet mignon and lo$ster tail *or *ree& @al*way through the meal. - hear 4ames/ #oice $ehind my ear& E>hat/s $othering you?G - turn to Shel& E- need to use the restroom& -/ll $e right $ack&G >hen - locate the $athroom. - $end down to make sure the stalls are empty& >hen - turn around. 4ames has already appeared $ehind me& EHou know you/re in the ladies room.G - tease& @e gi#es me a crooked smile& E>hat/s going on?G E- think Teagan/s dad his here.G - tell him& E@e/s $een staring at me& - don/t know what that means. $ut it makes me really uncom*orta$le&G ETeagan. Cane/s *iancQe?G 4ames scowls& EE;,*iancQe& @er *ather is Cane/s $oss and his company has a ta$le at the party&G @is *rown deepens& E@a#e you met him $e*ore?G E0e#er& Shel thinks the guy might not e#en $e him. +ust some dude who works at the same company&G E@mm.G 4ames contemplates& E- don/t like this& -/m going to stay close&G My eyes widen& ECo you think there/s going to $e trou$le?G E0ot necessarily& But what i* this guy turns out to $e some creep?G <ight& =ne 2atrick,type in my li*e was enough& E=kay.G - agree& EStay close&G @e steps *orward and plants a kiss on the top o* my head& E-/ll $e around.G he says and e#aporates& >hen the time comes to go $ack to clearing. - really don/t want to& E#en though knowing 4ames is near makes me *eel $etter. - don/t want to $e *orced to strategically a#oid this strange man *or the rest o* the night& So when Cana asks our group who would $e interested in helping in the coatroom. - immediately #olunteer& EGood idea.G Shel nods in agreement& She knows -/m an;ious& E)et/s get through this so we can go home and rela;&G The coatroom turns out to $e incredi$ly $oring. $ut easyA - spend my time straightening +ackets and wraps& -t/s +ust me. seeing as how the guests will lea#e sporadically& Cana said she might send Au$rey or Sydney $ack at the end o* the night to help with any rush& 2eople start to lea#e in small spurts immediately a*ter dinner. which keeps me occupied& -/m $usy spacing out the remaining coats. now that there is a little more room to spread them out. when a #oice interrupts my =CC& EE;cuse me? Miss?G - turn and *ind mysel* staring directly at who - think is Mr& Meyer& Camn it& @e holds out his coat check ticket and smiles& ET!2 5&G - try to return his smile and take the stu$ *rom him& - locate his item. a long wool pea coat. and hand it to him o#er the coatroom door& EThere you are. sir& @a#e a nice night&G - ha#e to admit that up close he/s not a scary,looking guy. and he doesn/t appear to $e assessing me now& @e shrugs on his coat and une;pectedly e;tends his hand& E)uke Meyer.G he introduces himsel*& EAnd you are?G - knew it& - tentati#ely shake his hand& EEmma&G

EAh& - thought so.G he says& @e reaches into his pocket and produces a $usiness card. which he places on the ledge o* the coatroom door& E0ice to meet you.G he smiles and then turns to lea#e& -/m speechless as - watch him go& Apparently. - was right and he knows who - am& - don/t know why - think this. $ut - hope this doesn/t make things worse *or Cane& - was per*ectly polite& May$e he/ll try to use my lower social status as a case against me and *or Teagan& Jgh& My eyes *all on the white $usiness card that he le*t. and - pick it up& -t/s *ull o* the typical stu** M name. company logo. address. and phone num$er& >hy did he lea#e this? - *lip the card o#er and my heart skips& There. in neat handwriting. are the *ollowing wordsB 0= 0EEC T= >=<<H& A)) >-)) BE >E)) -0 T-ME&

EThis is the weirdest thing e#er.G Shel says as she holds the $usiness card in her hand& E>hat does it mean?G - gi#e her a $ewildered look& E- ha#e no idea&G >e slowly walk to her car in the parking lot& -t/s nearly midnight. we/#e cleared +ust a$out e#ery dish. glass. and utensil imagina$le. and our *eet are killing us& - can/t wait to get $ack to her dorm and crash& E)adies.G - hear a *amiliar #oice *rom my le*t and immediately close my eyes& This is so not happening& ECaneFG Shel gushes *rom my side& E>hat are you doing here?G E-t took you two *ore#er to *inish in there.G he says& EMatt said you/d $e done around ten&G - open my eyes& =* course& Matt& @e/s worse than a group o* gossiping women& That $oy needs duct tape strategically placed o#er his mouth& EThere was a lot to do.G Shel e;plains then looks at me pointedly& EAren/t you going to say hello?G E@ey.G - say and look at the ground as - internally panic& @ow am - going to e;plain this to 4ames? E- decided to take matters into my own hands.G Cane says as he stops a$out a *oot in *ront o* me& E- wanted to see you&G @e reaches out and li*ts my chin. so that -/m looking up at him& Estill need that hug&G - hear Shel let out a muted EawwG and. as i* on cue. - see 4ames materiali(e directly $ehind Cane& - try to keep my eyes *ocused on Cane and not o#er his shoulder. $ut it/s di**icult& 4ames looks li#id& >hy shouldn/t he $e? - told him Cane wouldn/t $e here M no. - promised& And here he *inds us. Cane touching my *ace and looking into my eyes. saying he needs a hug& - react more #iolently than necessary. $ut -/m weirded out *rom Teagan/s dad and -/m e;hausted and panicky& - yank my *ace out o* Cane/s gentle grasp and take a step $ack& EHou shouldn/t ha#e come hereF - told you - would see you when - could&G Cane/s *ace *alls. hurt. and then rearranges itsel*& E>hat is with you?G he snaps& E>hy won/t you listen to me?G - plead in anger& - turn to Shel& E>hy won/t any o* you listen to me?G Shel looks sad and con*used $y my Duestion and says nothing& - *eel Cane/s hand on my shoulder. and - shrug it o**& ETouching me is not a good idea right now&G

@e holds his hands up in surrender in *ront o* him& EEmma& Seriously& >hat is the pro$lem?G - eye 4ames. who steps to Cane/s side& @e clenches his *ists and looks ready to take a swing& - need to pro#e to him that - didn/t ask Cane to $e here& EHouFG - answer Cane& EHou are my pro$lemFG Cane looks *la$$ergasted and $eyond pissed& -/m making a *ine mess o* things& Guilt *loods my $ody as - register his e;pression& @e/s ne#er done anything to me to make me treat him this way. and my heart aches& EEmma.G Shel tries to inter#ene& EMay$e we should go& Hou guys can talk this out another time&G E0o.G Cane says adamantly& E)et/s do this&G @e takes a step *orward and towers o#er me& EGo ahead& Tell me how you really *eel&G - stare up into his eyes and nearly choke on my words as - try to maintain a steady tone& EHou and - can ne#er $e anything& E#er&G E>hy?G @is eyes narrow as he searches my *ace& EGi#e me one good reason&G My mind scram$les& EBecause -/m messed up $eyond wordsF Hou don/t want meA you don/t deser#e that&G Cane scowls& E>ho are you to say what - do and don/t want? -sn/t that my decision?G EHou think you want me. $ut you don/t& - was +ust a replacement *or Teagan when you were lonely. that/s all&G EHou know that/s not true&G @e takes a step closer& EC/mon. you can do $etter than that& >hat/s the real reason?G The real reason is standing ne5t to you ready to ri# you lim/ from lim/4 - think& My eyes +ump to 4ames. who is standing inches *rom Cane. and - silently pray *or him to look at me& -ook at me4 - shout in my head& -ook at me and calm do&n4 E>ell?G Cane presses& -/m at a loss& - can/t tell him that -/m still in lo#e with my dead $oy*riendF =r can -? E-/m in lo#e with someone else.G - say as - try to remain strong& E-/m seeing someone else&G -t/s not a lie& Cane takes a step $ack as i* he/s $een $urned. e;posing Shel to my line o* #ision& Both o* them look at me in awe& Cane sets his +aw. and his eyes harden& E>ho/s the lucky guy?G E0o one you know.G - say as my eyes *lash to 4ames& @e/s *inally retreated a *ew steps although he still looks pissed as hell& E>hy didn/t you +ust say so?G Cane drills me& E- didn/t know howI- didn/t want to hurt you&G @e lets out a *orced laugh and leans *orward& E)et me tell you something& This wasn/t the way to do it&G - *eel terri$le& A$solutely horri$le& But what - told him was the truthA - am with someone else& - +ust can/t $e speci*ic& - open my mouth to apologi(e& @e holds out his hand to stop me& ECon/t.G he says and starts to $ack toward his car& E-/#e heard enough *or one night&G ECane. -IG ECon/t.G he cuts me o** in a hard tone& E4ust don/t&G >ith that he turns his $ack and walks away& - try to keep my emotions in check in *ront o* Shel and 4ames. $ut it/s hard& - look at 4ames and Duickly wipe away the *ew tears that ha#e

escaped my eyes& @e nods toward me and then disappears. lea#ing me to wonder i* he/s more upset with me or with Cane& - *inally turn toward Shel& 0ow - get to *ace her wrath& -nstead o* words. she wraps me in a #ise,like hug& -t/s all - can do to remain standing as my tears well o#er& E>hy didn/t you tell me?G she says into my shoulder& E- had no idea you were seeing someone new&G - shake my head& E-/m not&G She pulls $ack and stares at me& EEmmaF >hy did you do that to Cane?G - wipe my *ace& ESo he/d lea#e me alone and mo#e on&G She scrutini(es me& ESo. you/re not seeing anyone?G My emotional state and the ina$ility to discuss anything personal with anyone human clouds my +udgment& - imagine the relie* - will *eel once - utter what/s on my tongue& E-/m not seeing anyone newA -/m seeing someone old.G - pause& E-/m still in lo#e with 4ames.G - tell her& Estill see 4ames&G

Chapter 1%
Sitting on my couch. wrapped in a $lanket. - doodle in my note$ook with a pencil& -/#e $een $ack in my apartment since late a*ternoon. waiting& Lor 4ames& Lor my head to stop pounding& Lor a moment o* clarity& - look down and *ocus on my scri$$le& -/#e written Mr& Meyer/s strange message repeatedly& o need to &orry. All &ill /e &ell in time. - slam my note$ook shut and toss it on the co**ee ta$le& - reali(e that -/#e le*t my apartment only twice since classes $egan. and each time - ended up in some psychotic situation& E#ery time - lea#e to help someone. - end up hurting someone else& May$e that/s the key& - should stop lea#ing to help people& A*ter - admitted that - still see 4ames. it took most o* the night to con#ince Shel not to call my parents to ha#e me pulled *rom school and institutionali(ed& -t was stupid o* me to e#er let those words lea#e my lips& - should ha#e made up a story a$out dating Garrett instead& =* course Shel assumed - was ha#ing some sort o* delusionary 4ames #isions. and - went along with her assumption to make things easier& - managed to con#ince her that the #isions were getting $etter. and they were nothing - wanted to worry my *amily o#er& - told her - needed time to let mysel* heal *rom his loss and that this summer with Cane happened way too *ast& - think she *inally understood some o* my resistance toward Cane. and she #owed to stop pushing& Linally& - decide - need com*ort *ood and homemade chocolate chip cookies seem more than in order& - peel mysel* o** the couch and shu**le to the kitchen& - rummage through my cup$oards and come up with e#ery ingredient $ut the $aking soda& - head o#er to the wall and $ang three times& -/m sure Garrett has some& -t only takes a moment *or him to $ang $ack. letting me know he/s home& - lea#e my place and return *rom my $aking soda mission success*ul. $ut - had to trade the soda *or a promise that he could stop $y in a *ew minutes. as soon as the *irst $atch o* cookies was done& - set to work mi;ing and it calms me& >hen e#ery ingredient is com$ined. - dole out the dough in spoon*uls on a $aking sheet. place it in the o#en. and then set to eating the ma+ority o* the le*t o#er $atter out o* the $owl with the spoon& - know it/s not good to eat the raw eggs. $ut 0estle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie dough is really $est uncooked& ECid you miss your mouth?G - hear 4ames say as he appears in the kitchen& - pause mid,lick and wipe the corner o* my lip with my thum$& EBetter?G @e gi#es me a tiny smile& EMuch&G - toss the spoon $ack into the $owl and walk *orward to wrap my arms around his waist& ECo you know how much you scared me last night? - thought you were going to punch Cane&G E- was so close.G he says& E>hen - *elt your reaction and then saw him touching youIa$out went o#er the edge& That guy is an e;pert at pissing me o**&G E>ell. you don/t ha#e to worry a$out him anymore.G - say Duietly& E-/m pretty sure - ruined e#erything we e#er had&G 4ames pulls away *rom me slightly& EHou sound sad a$out that&G - look up at him& E- am sad a$out that&G E>hy?G he *rowns& EBecause - hurt him.G - say like it should $e o$#ious& E@e didn/t deser#e that& @e/s ne#er done anything. $ut care a$out me&G E>hoa&G 4ames steps out o* my arms& EAre you $eing serious right now?G

EHes&G My e;pression twists& E- don/t get o** on hurting people&G The o#en timer $eeps. momentarily distracting me& - gra$ a dishtowel o** counter. use it as a hot pad. and remo#e the cookie sheet. tossing it nosily on the sto#etop& - turn $ack to 4ames& EHou/re mad $ecause - *eel $ad a$out $eing mean?G E-/m mad $ecause you *eel $ad a$out $eing mean to him.G he says. irritated& E@a#e you *orgotten a$out the engagement? @is lying to you?G E@e e;plained that&G 4ames shakes his head& EAnd - still can/t $elie#e you $ought it&G - cross my arms de*ensi#ely& E>hat/s to $uy? @e didn/t tell me $ecause he was ending it with her& Hes. he should ha#e told me. - agree& But he made a mistake&G ESo now he/s a saint?G E-/m not saying thatFG -s this what we/re going to do now? Light e#ery other day? - don/t like it. and -/m sick o* it& ECan/t you +ust $e happy? @e/s ne#er going to speak to me again& 2ro$lem sol#edFG - march past him and into the li#ing room& The kitchen is starting to *eel claustropho$ic& 4ames *ollows& EAre you walking away *rom me?G E0oFG - turn around& E- +ust need some air&G >e stare at each other *or a *ew moments& )ately. - can/t keep up with his $ipolar mood swings& @e was ne#er like this $e*ore he died& - miss the rela;ed. *un 4ames he used to $e& E@ow?G 4ames asks& E@ow what?G EHou said he cares *or you& Tell me how&G - place my hands on my hips and search his *ace& My mind *lashes $ack in time to my con*rontation with Mrs& Ca#is. when Cane de*ended me& EThis summer.G - say adamantly& ECane stood up *or me when your mother called me a whore&G @is e;pression changes *rom one o* de*iance to one o* shock& >e/#e ne#er discussed this& E>hat are you talking a$out?G E- ran into your mom at the grocery store while running an errand *or work& She $lamed me *or your death and then called me a whore in *ront o* an aisle *ull o* strangers& Cane got me out o* thereA he de*ended me&G 4ames/ eyes cloud o#er& E>hy didn/t you tell me?G EBecause - didn/t want you to think $adly o* your mother&G 4ames looks down. processing what -/#e told him. and then his head snaps up& E-s there anything else - don/t know?G - *eel the need to de*end Cane and my decision to let him into my li*e& E@e helped me take out my aggressions a*ter you were assigned as my GuardianA he told me his mother died when he was young. and he could relate to my grie*& @e said. i* - could e#er lo#e him. he would wait *or me&G 4ames *rowns& E@ow is it possi$le that - know none o* these things?G - take a step toward him& EThey happened while you were keeping your distance *rom me&G 4ames studies my *ace *or a moment& EAnd i* -/d stayed away?G he asks& ECo you think Cane wouldn/t ha#e le*t you like he le*t Teagan?G E@a#e you met Teagan? She/s e#ilFG 4ames sco**s& E0ot according to Meg&G - can *eel my *orehead pinch as - scowl& E>hat/s Meg got to do with this?G

EMeg is Teagan/s Guardian&G E4amesFG Both o* our heads snap toward Garrett/s #oice. and we *ind him standing +ust inside my doorway& EHou know that is pri#ileged in*ormation.G Garrett says as he approaches us& E>hat are you thinking?G 4ames takes a step $ack and sighs hea#ily& E>hy are you here?G E- came *or cookies&G Garrett looks at me& E>hat is going on?G he demands& The need to tell Garrett o#erwhelms me& May$e he can set 4ames straight. help him with his $eha#ior& @e was his Guardian and mentor. a*ter all& E4ames almost hit Cane last night.G con*ess& Jnder my lashes. - glance at 4ames& -* looks could kill. - would $e dead& Ceader than dead& 4ames shoots daggers at me& EAgain with the +ealousy?G Garrett glares at 4ames& EAre you $egging *or attention? Hou know that is unaccepta$leFG 4ames walks toward Garrett and stops inches *rom him& E-t/s hard to control.G he nearly growls& EAll o* my emotions are getting strongerA nothing is *ading like you said it wouldFG @e glances at me and then to Garrett again& EThe sooner - can $e human. the sooner - can $e e#erything she needs& Then this con#ersation will mean nothing&G EHou are e#erything she needsFG Garrett e;claims& 4ames crosses his arms& E- don/t see it that way&G Garrett steps $ack and stares at 4ames. shaking his head in dis$elie*& @e looks at me and then closes his eyes. taking a deep $reath& ESit down&G >hen he opens his eyes. we/re $oth still standing& E- said sit down&G - tentati#ely mo#e to the couch and. $egrudgingly. 4ames +oins me& Garrett *ollows us and takes a seat in the opposite chair& @e ru$s his *orehead& EThis is not the time - wanted to tell you this.G he says. his #oice tired& EBut - think it might alle#iate your stress&G @e looks us in the eyes& E=r at least allow you to mo#e *orward&G My pulse starts to accelerate& EEmma.G he turns to me. Eyou/#e $ecome a good *riend& - ne#er e;pected it. $ut it/s something -/m truly grate*ul *or& - don/t want to see you tortured any more than - want to see 4ames struggle&G 4ames scowls. uncon#inced& E-t true.G Garrett says to 4ames& EHou were my >ard& E#ery *i$er o* my $eing is programmed to protect you. to look out *or what/s $est. to guide you in your decisions to a li*e well,li#ed& - still *eel some o* that connection to you now&G @e looks at his hands& EThat/s why. $e*ore - tell you this. - need you to know that what - did $rought me physical pain& 2ain thought - no longer had the a$ility to *eel&G @e looks up at 4ames& E-t was de$ilitating&G 4ames narrows his eyes& E>hat did you do?G Garrett sits up straight and takes a deep $reath& E- assigned you to Emma. so that you could ne#er $e released and so that - could $e <e$orn& Hou can/t $e human again.G he pauses. Eunless Emma dies&G - can/t catch my $reath& -t *eels like -/#e *allen o** a high rise and landed on the cement *ace *irst& 4ames. on the other hand. leaps o** the couch and sho#es Garrett. *lipping the chair o#er and spilling him on to the *loor& EHou used meFG he shouts&

E-t was the $est thing *or all o* usFG Garrett tries to stand& EHou know the odds o* Emma releasing you were slimFG The sound o* my name helps me to $reathe again& EHou don/t know thatFG - +ump to stand& EThe *act that you two are still arguing o#er Cane pro#es it.G Garrett says. regaining his $alance& @e looks at 4ames& E- tied you to her *or li*eF - knew it would $e di**icult. $ut - thought you could o#ercome it& - truly did&G 4ames doesn/t care& @e lunges at Garrett and lands a right hook across his +aw with a sickening crunch& Garrett stum$les to side and catches himsel* $e*ore he hits the wall& @e stands straight and shakes o** the pain. taking a de*ensi#e stance& EHou let me $elie#e - could $e human againFG 4ames swings. $ut Garrett/s prepared and he misses& E- had toFG Garrett circles around the couch and $ehind me& E>e need your cooperation to stay hiddenFG EHou made the wrong choice.G 4ames seethes and ad#ances& E-* - can/t $e human neither can you&G EHou can/t go to The Allegiant.G Garrett says& EHou/ll ruin the chance *or all the others&G E- don/t care a$out themFG EHou can/t take this away *rom ThomasF =r 4oss or 4ennaF Think a$out Meg.G Garrett tries to reason& EHou can/t take this away *rom her&G >hen Garrett says Meg/s name. 4ames stops in his tracks& @is action causes tears to $urn $ehind my eyes& - think we all +ust reali(ed how much he truly does care *or her& Garrett rela;es his stance slightly& E2lease.G he says to 4ames& E-* you care nothing *or us and our cause. that/s *ine&G @e glances at me& EBut think o* Emma& -* The Allegiant *ind out a$out your +ealousy. you #ery well may lose her&G 4ames turns and *ocuses on me& @is e;pression registers $oth anger and pain. and tears start to make tracks down my cheeks& -n a way. -/#e already lost him& But. - could lose him *or a$solute and *ore#er i* he e;poses Garrett/s secret& The Allegiant would know e#erything. and they would take his memories o* us *or sure& ECon/t do it.G - whisper& - can see my plea register in his eyes& Suddenly. 4ames +umps *orward. taking Garrett $y surprise as he gra$s his shirt and throws him up against the door& EHou& =we& Me&G @e enunciates each word& @e lets Garrett/s clothes go with a rough sho#e and $acks away *rom the door& @e turns toward me with a #acant e;pression& E- need some time&G - nod in understanding& -/#e seen that look $e*oreA - know what it means& This is where he lea#es me to try and stop lo#ing me again& >ill this cycle ne#er end? - walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist and press my head against his chest& @e hugs me $ack loosely. as i* he/s a*raid to touch me& E-/ll miss you.G - say. mu**led& - can hear him e;hale and *eel him $rush the top o* my head with his lips& @e doesn/t return the sentiment or tell me he lo#es me& @e +ust e#aporates in my arms. lea#ing my chest *eeling hollow and a so$ stuck in my throat& EEmma.G Garrett says *rom across the room. E-/m sorry. $ut you can mo#e *orward now& Hou don/t ha#e to worry a$out a *uture with 4ames&G - shoot Garrett a nasty look& EHou made sure o* that. didn/t you?G @e starts to approach me& - can see the le*t side o* his *ace is already $ruised and starting to swell& EHou know why - did it&G

EBecause you/re sel*ish?G - spit& E-t had nothing to do with what you wanted with Amelia or how it was the $est thing *or 4ames and meF Hou/re an e;cellent liar&G E>hat - said was true& - wanted to $e in Amelia/s li*e in any way possi$le& - would ha#e gladly $een her Guardian&G - $ack away *rom him& EHou need to go& - don/t trust you anymore&G ECon/t say that&G @e looks crushed& EHou can trust me&G - shake my head #iolently& EHou need to lea#e& 0ow&G Garrett looks down and then $acks toward the door& @e opens it then turns to me again& E-/ll $e home i* you want to talk&G - gi#e him a scathing stare& EThat/s so not going to happen&G EEmma.G he almost pleads& E)ea#eFG - yell& @e *ollows my order and walks through the door. closing it Duietly $ehind him& - sink to the *loor where - stand and let the so$ rip through my throat& - thought - was alone $e*ore& - had no idea - could $e e#en more so&

Chapter 2&
My $ody desperately wants to *all asleep. $ut my mind won/t let it& E#er since Garrett/s re#elation. -/#e managed three. may$e *our hours o* sleep a night& - stopped at the store this a*ternoon. on my way $ack *rom class. and $ought a sleep aid $ecause - thought it would help& glance at the clock and then roll o#er in *rustration& -t/s one in the morning& - took those pills hours ago& They should ha#e kicked in $y now& - rack my $rain *or things to do& - ha#e to keep mysel* occupied. so my mind can/t connect with my heart& -/#e spent the last *our days attending class then working ahead in all o* them. as *ar as - can& -/#e cleaned my apartment *rom top to $ottom& -/#e e;perimented in the kitchen. making mysel* real meals instead o* *ro(en ones& -/#e $ugged )B so much that she/s grown sick o* me. and she hides under the $ed whene#er - walk into the room& Today. - e#en attempted an online +o$ search and applied *or three positions& -/m running out o* options& )i*ting my head. - punch the pillow to *lu** it. and then *lip to my other side& At least -/#e $een a$le to a#oid Garrett& - was worried a$out how - would manage to ignore him in Ethics and concentrate on the lecture. $ut he hasn/t shown up& Either he/s $eing a coward. or he/s staying away to make things easier *or me& - close my eyes and grit my teeth& - re*use to $elie#e he/s doing anything *or me out o* kindness& The center o* my chest starts to sDuee(e in that grie#ously *amiliar. uncom*orta$le way. and - try to stop thinking& E#entually. -/m going to ha#e to come to grips with the *act that -/#e lost someone who pretended to $e a *riend& )ogical thoughts $ounce around in my head& They suggest action. $ut my $ody re*uses to listen and cooperate& If you don%t get enough rest2 you%ll get sick. I kno&. Any future &ith James &as a long shot. Don%t remind me. *o to slee#. I can%t. 3ou should take some more medicine. Is that really &ise' Call Shel and ask. It%s after one a.m. She%ll reassure you. That%s rude. *o over and talk to *arrett. o. He%ll understand. He%s no longer a friend. Call Dane and a#ologi0e. ot an o#tion. It &ill make you feel /etter. He &on%t /elieve me. *et u# and &atch T6. I need to slee#4

,ell2 you need to do something. I 7 .,. - throw the co#ers o**& This internal con#ersation is making my head ache& - need to *eel $etter& 0ot ama(ing. not per*ect. not happy& 4ust /etter& Anything other than this mechanical. num$ shell o* the person - used to $e& - stare at the ceiling and think o* home& - cra#e to $e there& @onestly. i* - could ha#e one person here with me right now it would $e my mother& guess that should sound lame coming *rom a 22,year old. $ut it/s the truth& The thought o* my *amily is com*orting and. suddenly. - $olt upright& >hy didn/t - think o* this $e*ore? - throw my legs o** the side o* the $ed and pad to the li#ing room to *ind my laptop& - turn it on and. while it loads. head to the kitchen to make a mug o* hot chocolate& >hen - return. na#igate to >MJ/s we$site and $egin my searchA hope*ully - can *ind answers here& -* not. tomorrow -/ll $e skulking around campus as - try and get some in person& My mission is simple& - need to *igure out a way to complete my last semester *rom home&

The ne;t morning. - sit $leary,eyed in the Ad#ising =**ice& Thank*ully the ad#isors are still around on Lridays& My research yielded promising resultsA it turns out an appro#ed internship can $e used *or $usiness electi#e credits& - know - ha#e *our classes le*t to complete toward my degree. and -/m hoping that -/ll $e a$le wai#e a couple in lieu o* an internship. while completing the other two online& - ha#e plenty o* time to hit the pa#ement and *ind someplace closer to home to intern& EEmma?G my ad#isor. Mrs& Andrews. calls to me *rom $ehind the welcome desk& ECome on $ack&G - stand and *ollow the petite woman to her o**ice& Mrs& Andrews has $een my ad#isor since - started at >estern& She assisted me when - *irst came to campus. a*ter high school. and then helped me again a*ter 4ames/ accidentA - had to *ind out what my options were and i* - could complete my courses *rom home& She was #ery understanding then& -/m hoping *or the same today& E@ow ha#e you $een?G she asks as she rounds her desk& E-/m glad to see you&G - take a seat opposite her and gi#e her a small smile& EThings ha#e $een good.G - lie& >ell. not totally lie& My classes ha#e $een good& E- was hoping - could get some help planning my last semester&G ESure.G she smiles& EThe winter course catalog went li#e today& )et/s see what you ha#e le*t to take&G She turns toward her computer. asks *or my student num$er. and then pulls up my program and transcript& E)ooks like you only ha#e nine credits le*t&G E0ine?G - ask. surprised& E- thought - had twel#e&G She scrolls through the screens and determines that a course - took $y accident my second year now counts toward my degree& This is great news& The less - ha#e to complete. the $etter& E- was wondering a$out an internship.G - say& E- was reading online last night and saw that appro#ed internships can count as credit&G E-* you don/t mind my saying so.G she raises an eye$row. Eit looks like you/#e $een spending se#eral nights reading online& E#erything okay?G - *lush with em$arrassment& - must ha#e dri*ted o** to sleep around *our or *i#e in the morning only to wake up unrested around se#en& That makes *i#e nights with #irtually no sleep

resulting in some pretty impressi#e eye $ags& EThe truth is. -/m hoping to mo#e $ack home *or my last semester& -* there/s someplace - can intern close to home and take my remaining courses online that would $e per*ect& Being $ack here has $eenIG - pause. searching *or the right words. EIa little tougher than - imagined&G She gi#es me a sympathetic smile& E- $et&G Mrs& Andrews wasn/t only my ad#isorA she was 4ames/ as well& >e were $oth management ma+ors and our last names started with C& She re#iews my transcript again& E-/m impressed with your grades.G she comments& EHou *inished last semester stronger than - would ha#e anticipated& - assume this semester is going +ust as well in that department?G - nod& E-t appears so& <ight now. anyway&G EGood.G she says and turns around to gra$ a *orm o** the creden(a $ehind her& She consults the computer and then +ots down a *ew items& 0e;t. she opens a drawer. pulls out a *ew sheets o* paper. and then pushes them toward me& EHou need an economics class. and -ntermediate Macroeconomics will $e o**ered online.G she e;plains and points to the *orm on the right& E<egistration opens ne;t Monday&G She shi*ts the *orms and shows me another& EThis is a list o* appro#ed internship locations in the area that will count *or two $usiness electi#es. i* you can secure at least thirty hours a week&G - glance at the list and try not to *rown& All o* these $usinesses are in the 'alama(oo area& This doesn/t help me& E0ow.G she continues. Eyou ha#e some time& -* you can *ind an internship at a reputa$le organi(ation willing to *ollow these guidelines.G she shows me the third sheet o* paper. Eas a *aculty ad#isor - can sign o** on the credit&G 0ow we/re talking& - smile as - pick up the paper& E@ow long do - ha#e to *ind a place?G ETechnically until the winter semester $egins.G she says& EBut - would try to *ind something as soon as possi$le& 2ositions tend to *ill up Duickly with students looking *or e;perience to put on resumes&G EGot it.G - say and collect the other two *orms& -/m $eginning to *eel $etter already& A*ter a moment or two o* silence. Mrs& Andrews asks. EEmma. may - gi#e you some unsolicited ad#ice?G - look up *rom the paperwork& ESure&G EHou/re an e;cellent student.G she says and *olds her hands on her desk& EHour grades re*lect that. $ut more so you don/t shy away *rom a challenge& - know a lot o* people who would ha#e taken what happened last spring and used it as an e;cuse to drop out and Duit& Hou didn/t and that speaks #olumes to your character&G - gi#e her a small smile& EThat/s the ad#ice?G EThe ad#ice is to ne#er gi#e up.G she says& E0o matter what happens& Con/t let ad#ersity drain youA use it to make you stronger& Hou ha#e great potential and - would hate to see that go to waste&G My eyes tingle and - *ocus on the *icus tree in the corner& Gi#ing up on school was ne#er an option& -s she telling me this $ecause - look like -/m a$out to +ump o** the nearest $ridge? ECo really look that terri$le?G - ask. trying to +oke a$out it& She laughs& EActually. yes&G - shake my head and choke out a laugh. too&

EHou wouldn/t $elie#e the num$er o* students - see that can/t make a mo#e without me.G she continues. sitting $ack in her chair& EBut you/re sel*,su**icient& Hou/re moti#ated& Those are #alua$le skills that people either ha#e or they don/t&G - look down at the papers in my hand& E- +ust want to *ind a way to make things the $est they can $e *or me&G EThat/s smart.G she nods with appro#al& E>hate#er it is that/s going on in your li*e right now. you/re using it to stay true to yoursel*& Jse whate#er it is to mo#e you through this ne;t semester& Be*ore you know it. you/ll $e graduating&G - catch her eyes& EThank you.G - say sincerely& E- needed to hear that&G E>ell. there/s something else you need to hear&G She leans *orward& EGet some rest&G - nod and chuckle& E- think that will $e easier now that - ha#e a plan&G She smiles at me warmly& E-/m glad - could help&G As - head $ack to my apartment. - process Mrs& Andrews/ words and hope starts to $loom inside my chest& Someone - $arely know thinks -/m strongA someone recogni(es my hard work and dedication& -/m not +ust a sorry mess dwelling on lost lo#es. lost *riends. and loneliness& accept challenges& -/m moti#ated& - ha#e potential& A grin $reaks out across my *ace and - walk *aster. determined& -/m not going down without a *ight& - ha#e a li*e to li#e& 0o 4ames. no Cane. no Garrett. no pro$lem& -t/s time to stand up and rock my *uture&

EShel?G E@eyFG E)isten.G - shi*t the phone to hold it $etween my *ace and my shoulder. E- need some ideas& - ha#e to *ind a $usiness near home that will take me as an intern&G - can imagine her *rown& E>hy?G EBecause -/m mo#ing $ack&G - pick up another shirt *rom the laundry $asket& E- *ound out can intern in place o* two electi#es ne;t semester&G She pauses& EThis is $ecause o* the 4ames #isions. isn/t it? They/re $ack. aren/t they?G She sounds concerned& - want to tell her that the 4ames E#isionsG are gone inde*initely. $ut - opt *or E0o. they/re not& -/m +ust tired o* $eing alone&G E>ell. that/s easy.G she says& EBay >oods&G - groan& ECe*initely not& Try again&G She laughs& EHou could always try )egionnaire& Mr& Meyer seemed smitten with you&G EJghF ShelF -/m $eing seriousFG E)et me thinkIG - wait in silence as - *old clothes& >here is my other gray sock? ECuhFG Shel e;claims& EThe #eterinary clinic& Call Matt& @is dad will take you in a heart$eat&G EHesFG - drop my socks $ack into the $asket& EShel. you/re a li*e sa#er&G E>ell. that is the idea& - am studying to $e a doctor&G A*ter - hang up with her. - call Matt immediately& @e seems +ust as e;cited as - am a$out the possi$ility o* my working at the clinic& Apparently Sheila. the current o**ice manager. is pregnant and due in 4anuary& Matt was asked to *ill in *or her. as he occasionally does. $ut he/s

dreading the long commitment& @e. too. has some classes to *inish. $ut he doesn/t want to commute $ack and *orth to school& E-/ll talk to my dad a$out this tonight.G he says& ETake down his email address. so you can send him the school/s guidelines&G - *ind a piece o* scrap paper and scri$$le down the address as he recites it to me& E-t will $e great to ha#e you around again. Em.G Matt says sincerely& Too sincerely& EHou/#e $een talking to Shel. ha#en/t you?G - ask suspiciously& She/s pro$a$ly mentioned my *ake #isions& @e laughs& E=nly e#ery day&G A*ter emailing Matt and *inishing laundry. - curl up on the couch and *lip through the tele#ision channels& - *inally settle on an episode o* Dr. * "edical E5aminer. and - imagine Shel as Cr& G& -t makes me laugh& - know she pre*ers li#e $odies to dead ones. $ut as her in#estigati#e skills at Cane/s $irthday party come $ack to me. - think she would make a great M&E& As the show goes on. my $ody rela;es& @al* way through - crash hard into a deep sleep& -t/s so deep that - don/t change positions. - don/t dream. and - don/t *eel )B +ump on or o** me& -/m dead to the world. +ust like one o* Cr& G/s patients& That/s why. when - *eel my $ody $eing roughly shaken. -/m startled& - lash out. kicking and hitting& My *oot connects with someone. and my eyes *ly open& Garrett is standing a$o#e me& E>hat do you want?G - ask angrily& EThere/s trou$le.G Garrett says in som$er tone& - *orce my eyes open& E>hat are you talking a$out?G E>e need to get you out o* here&G @e tries to gra$ my el$ow. and - +erk it away& E0oF >hy?G @e looks at me with a mi;ed e;pression o* an;iety and remorse& EHou/re in danger&G As soon as he utters those words. 4ames immediately appears on the other side o* the room& E>hat/s going on?G he demands& Garrett regards him with a gra#e e;pression& EThe Allegiant are coming *or Emma&G

Chapter 21
EThe hell they are.G 4ames snaps& Garrett turns to me& E-/m serious& Hou need to pack. and you need to pack now& - ha#e access to some money MG @e/s cut o** $y 4ames sho#ing him roughly against his shoulder& EShe/s not going anywhereFG E)istenFG Garrett eyes the $oth o* us& EThe Allegiant know&G @e kneels in *ront o* the couch to meet my eyes& EThey will use 4ames to get to me and use you to get to 4ames&G A thousand Duestions $la(e through my $rain& - know - should $e scared. $ut all - *eel is anger& EThen why don/t you disappear?G E- will.G he says. and then looks at 4ames o#er his shoulder& E>e all need to&G E>hat happened?G 4ames presses. stepping *orward& EEmma has done nothing wrongA she/s got nothing to do with $eing <e$orn&G Garrett stands to *ace to him& EMeg and 4enna were o#erheard&G 4ames sDuints in con*usion& ESo? >hate#er was heard could easily $e written o** as gossip&G E0ot this time&G Garrett shakes his head solemnly& EMeg was Touched&G My stomach starts to knot in an uncom*orta$le way& - ha#e no idea what that means. $ut +udging *rom 4ames/ da(ed e;pression. - know it can/t $e good& @is eyes gloss o#er. and he looks as i* the $reath has $een knocked *rom his lungs& A*ter a moment his eyes dart to mine. and he mo#es to stand in *ront o* me protecti#ely. crossing his arms& @e/s all $usiness as his eyes lock on Garrett& ETell me what we ha#e to do&G E>ait&G - +ump o** the couch& E>hat does that mean? She was Touched?G 4ames turns his *ace toward me& EThe Allegiant can render you immo$ile and *orce you to speak the truth&G - start to nod in understanding. $ut then stop as - process what that means& - gi#e 4ames a wary look& Meg knows a$out Garrett. o$#iously. $ut she also knows a$out 4ames& She knows a$out us. a$out his ina$ility to let go& My #oice sounds small& ECo you think M?G 4ames assumes my Duestion and interrupts& EA$solutely&G @e sets his mouth in a grim line& E>e need to get mo#ing.G Garrett redirects our attention& @e looks an;ious as he addresses me& EHou ha#e a suitcase. right? =r a $ag?G My mind scram$les& @e wants me to pack? Lor where? My eyes catch the paper on the co**ee ta$le that holds Cr& <andall/s email address. and this a*ternoon *loods my memory& remem$er how con*ident and happy - *elt a$out my plans& - was going home& E0o.G - say to mysel* and then raise my head adamantly& E0o& -/m not going anywhere&G EEmma&G Garrett gi#es me an e;asperated look& - eye $oth him and 4ames& E-n case you ha#en/t noticed. - ha#e a li*e to li#e& - ha#e o$ligations& - can/t +ust pick up and lea#eF >hat a$out school? >hat a$out my parents?G Garrett reaches *or my el$ow& E>e/ll work on that while we dri#e&G - yank my arm away& ECri#e where e;actly?G Garrett/s eyes *lash to 4ames& E>e need to work that out&G - laugh sarcastically& ESo. there/s no plan? >e lea#e and dri#e aimlessly? - kick you out o* the car in one town and then hole up in another? Alone?G - shake my head& E- don/t think so&G

4ames wraps his cool hand around my arm in a reassuring way& EHou don/t ha#e a choice&G - shoot him a scathing look then stalk away *rom him. pulling my arm through his grasp& set my hands on my hips and *ace them& E- always ha#e a choice&G Both o* them regard me with a mi;ture o* *rustration and concern& - know The Allegiant *inding out is $ad news. $ut there has to $e another way to work through this& <unning and hiding sounds cowardly and childish& EEm.G 4ames says. pleading& EHou don/t understand&G EHou/re right.G - scowl& E-* The Allegiant show up. what can they do? -* you two lea#e. won/t know where you are& -/ll ha#e nothing to tell them&G EHou/re wrong.G Garrett says& EHou/ll ha#e your thoughts and memories to share&G @e walks toward me& ECo you want 4ames taken *rom you? Hour past together erased?G My *ace twists as 4ames picks up on Garrett/s pause& EThey/ll hurt you. Em&G @e looks nauseous& EThey/ll put you in danger. so that -/ll ha#e no choice $ut to come to you& They/ll use our $ond against us&G @is tortured e;pression puts a dent in my de*enses& - ha#e to admit that $eing in pain is not something - en+oy. nor do - want him gone *rom my li*e& My eyes lock on 4ames& E- would ne#er want that&G @e approaches me slowly& E- know& >e/ll work things out. - promise& Hour classes. your parentsIG @e stops in *ront o* me& EBut - ha#e to keep you sa*e& -t/s my only priority&G -nternally. - struggle trying to strategi(e& - know the connection 4ames has to me is a pro$lem. $ut it/s not his *ault& 0one o* this is our *ault& Lorget Garrett and his Duest to $e human& E>hat i* we stayed?G - ask& @e *rowns& E>hat do you mean?G E>ait *or The Allegiant with meA we can e;plain that we/re pawns&G My eyes *lit accusingly at Garrett& EHou didn/t ask to $e my Guardian&G 4ames searches my *ace as he considers my proposition& Lrom what - know. our situation is uniDue& The Allegiant may $e open to an honest discussionA they may ha#e mercy on us& -n my $ook. Garrett is the real o**ender& EEmma.G Garrett interrupts. appearing $y my side& EThat won/t work&G E>hy not?G EThe Allegiant are not *orgi#ing.G he says and eyes 4ames& EThey won/t accept e;planations. especially now&G -/m not letting this go& - want to stay in *amiliar surroundings with 4ames in my li*eA - want to *ollow through on my plans *or graduation& - know - +ust came up with them today. $ut it hurts my heart to think otherwise& E@ow do you know?G - point at Garrett/s chest& E@ow do you know they/ll re*use to listen?G @e crosses his arms impatiently& EBecause - do&G @is arrogance $others me. and - narrow my eyes& EHou need a $etter e;planation&G de*iantly look at 4ames& E-* he doesn/t ha#e a $etter answer. -/m staying& - mean it&G 4ames assesses me *or a moment then turns to Garrett& EShe/s not kidding& >e/ll ha#e to make her lea#e&G - step away *rom them& EHou wouldn/t dareFG =ut o* nowhere. an un*amiliar phone rings& - look at the two o* them in con*usion as Garrett reaches into his $ack pocket and reluctantly produces a cell phone& @e walks away to

take the call. and 4ames and - look at each other. pu((led& Since when does Garrett ha#e a phone? -t/s a short con#ersation& A*ter his initial greeting o* EHes?G the only other word 4ames and hear him utter is EnoG $e*ore hanging up& @e stands with his $ack to us. head down. re#ealing nothing& 4ames and - gi#e each other a wary look. and - wrap my arms around my waist& -t seems like minutes $e*ore Garrett turns around. $ut -/m sure only silent seconds ha#e passed& @e regards us with a so$er e;pression as his *ace registers our Duestions& @e slides the phone $ack into his pocket& EThat was )ucas&G E)ucas who?G 4ames asks& E)ucas was my Guardian.G he says and closes the distance $etween us& EAnd he/s now one o* The Allegiant&G My +aw hits the *loor& - look at 4ames. and he/s eDually as shocked& As he regains his composure. - can see tension take o#er his *ace and radiate down his neck to his shoulders& EStart talking.G he seethes& Garrett nods toward me& E-/ll start talking when she starts packing&G 4ames a$ruptly gra$s my wrist and pulls me toward the $edroom& - willingly *ollow. not that - could resist him& @e/s gotten stronger. and -/m sure he would ha#e picked me up and carried me i* he had to& As we enter the room. he *lips the light switch and tows me toward my closet& @e throws open the door and looks pointedly *rom my suitcase to me& - nod and he releases my wrist. stepping around me to *ace Garrett& - gra$ my suitcase and toss it on the $ed& ECon/t you ha#e anything $igger?G Garrett asks& - shoot him a sarcastic look and then head to my dresser. yanking open the top drawer& Behind me - hear 4ames snap. EHou/#e $een working with The Allegiant all along?G E4ust )ucas.G Garrett says& E@e was the only one who knew&G E>hy?G EBecoming <e$orn was his ideaA he knew - missed humanity&G - gra$ a hand*ul o* socks and underwear and turn $ack toward the $ed to put them in my $ag& 4ames *rowns& E- thought $eing <e$orn was a secret The Allegiant didn/t allow&G EHou/re right.G Garrett says& E)ucas/ #iews #ary *rom his $rothersA they *ollow an ancient doctrine& @e/s trying to pro#e a point. and he needs me to $e success*ul&G E>hat/s he trying to pro#e?G - ask. pausing o#er my suitcase& Garrett shakes his head& E@e hasn/t re#ealed that to me. in case -/m caught $y the others& All he said was that it would $ene*it humanity&G EAnd you $elie#e him?G 4ames asks skeptically& E=* course - do.G Garrett looks o**ended& E@e was my Guardian&G 4ames looks dou$t*ul& ECo the other Guardians know?G Garrett opens his mouth to answer then pauses& @e eyes my nearly empty suitcase and then meets my ga(e& - get the hint& 0o more in*ormation i* - don/t start mo#ing& - turn $ack toward my dresser& E4ust 4ack.G Garrett continues& E)ucas was his Guardian too. since we/re twins& @e $rought $eing <e$orn to $oth o* us&G - pull out a *ew sweaters *rom my dresser then mo#e down a drawer to gra$ some +eans& E>hy didn/t you tell us?G 4ames asks in *rustration& E-t would ha#e $een easier knowing we had an ally&G

E-* you knew and you were caught. )ucas would $e e;posed.G Garrett says& EThe only reason he was a$le to warn me a$out Meg and 4enna was $ecause they were kept in the dark&G E>hat will happen to them?G - ask Duietly. my arms *ull o* clothes& Garrett gi#es me a grim look& E<ight now. they/re $eing held *or in*ormation while The Allegiant try to locate the rest o* us& Thank*ully. 4ack was #isiting me when - got the call and he/s disappeared&G My stomach drops as - think o* 4ack running& @e came across so tough& - start to *eel e#en more ill at the thought o* Thomas and 4oss $eing capturedA they/re so kind and Thomas would do anything *or 4oss. including put himsel* at risk& Garrett continues& E)ucas called to ask a$out our progress& @e/s $een pretending to $e outraged while stalling at the same time& That/s why we ha#e to mo#eA we ha#e to scatter&G - drop my clothes into the suitcase as 4ames says. ESo let/s go&G E0one o* us can know where the others end up.G Garrett strategi(es with 4ames& EHou need to stay out o* the -ntermediate and away *rom Emma&G The thought o* $eing alone in some strange place doesn/t sit well with my heart. and suddenly - ha#e a hard time catching my $reath& My mental state already took a hit this weekA don/t know how much more - can handle& Top that o** with trying to *igure out how to *inish school and a#oid my parents. and -/m a$out ready to hyper#entilate& 4ames immediately senses my an;iety& E>hat/s wrong?G @e steps away *rom Garrett and walks toward me. taking my hand and leading me to sit on the $ed& @e looks into my eyes with a mi;ed e;pression o* *ear. concern. and utter helplessness& -t/s in that moment that - resol#e to get through this& - concentrate and work on steadying my $reathing to a natural rhythm& - can/t ha#e him worrying a$out me and torturing himsel* to stay away& E-t/s okay.G - say and stand $ack up& E- +ust panicked *or a second& -/ll $e all right&G reach *or my suitcase and $usy mysel* organi(ing things so they will *it& 4ames/ attention is pulled away *rom me $y Garrett& E-/ll go with Emma& >e/ll take her car and head outA it/s the *astest way to get me out o* town& She/ll drop me somewhere. $ut - won/t stay& Then she can head someplace else&G My head snaps up& ECan - go home?G - ask hope*ully& Surely - can gi#e my parents a good e;cuse as to why -/#e mo#ed $ack& Sadly. Garrett shakes his head& E-/m sorry& -* 4ames is *ound $y The Allegiant. they would know to look *or you there&G EBut i* they ha#e 4ames. why would they need me?G 0ot that - want 4ames caught& ETo use you against me.G 4ames says Duietly& EAnd to try and locate me.G Garrett adds& EThey/ll assume you know more than you do&G Camn it& - go $ack to sho#ing my clothes into my suitcase& The reali(ation hits that -/m really going through with this. and -/ll need more than clothes& - head out o* the room. to the $athroom. to start collecting my toiletries& The $oys *ollow me and resume their discussion in the li#ing area. and -/m glad& - need a *ew minutes to concentrate on what - need to $ring rather than all the what,i*/s& -* - allow mysel* to think a$out this too much. -/ll pro$a$ly *reak out again& - collect my things *rom the $athroom ca$inet and mo#e to the $edroom. catching snippets o* their con#ersation& EIonce things are sa*e -/ll contact Emma& Hou/ll *eel it through your $ond&G E@ow long do you think that will $e?G

EAt least until -/m human. -/m sure&G - shudder when - hear that answer and try to tune them out& - sDuish my $athroom $ag into the *ront pocket o* my suitcase and reali(e - *orgot my shower stu**& - head $ack to the $athroom& EIwish we had more time to plan&G ECon/t - know it&G E-/m not com*orta$le with her $eing alone&G E0either am -&G - peruse the $athroom to make sure - ha#e e#erything and head $ack to the $edroom again& EIare you sure?G EIE#elyn said&&&G - manage to *it my shower items into a side pocket and (ip it up tight& - stand and look around my room& -/ll need my te;t$ooks. my laptop. )B o* course. her stu**I - walk to my closet and *ish out her carrier& ECo you need any help?G - peer around the closet door to *ind Garrett standing in my room& EHes.G - sigh and hold out the carrier& ECan you get )B into this? She hates it&G @e nods and walks *orward to take the carrier *rom my hands& @e sets it on the *loor. opens the door. and then lea#es the room to round up )B& >hen he returns with her a moment later. watch in ama(ement as he gently places her in the carrier without any trou$le and shuts the door tight& She doesn/t make a peep& E@ow did you do that?G - ask wide,eyed& E<eiki. remem$er?G @e gi#es me a crooked smile& - sigh and gi#e him a de*eated smirk in return& >ho knew - would miss the reiki days? - mo#e to pick my $ackpack o** the *loor and start to stu** my te;t$ooks and notes inside& Garrett collects a $ook and hands it to me& E-/m really sorry a$out this.G he says sincerely& Ewish we didn/t ha#e to go&G - take the $ook *rom him& E>e don/t ha#e a choice. remem$er?G @e nods and picks up my Ethics *older. turning it o#er in his hands as - continue to pack& >hen - *inally take the *older *rom him. he sets his hand tentati#ely on my shoulder& E- hate that you/re mad at me&G >ell. - hate it too& - pretend to organi(e my $ag& E>ill you look at me?G he asks& - try to remain impassi#e and turn my head& E-* there was any other way to $e <e$orn. - would ha#e chosen it.G he says& E- want you to know that - didn/t do this to purpose*ully hurt you or 4ames&G - stare at him in silence& -/m not ready to *orgi#e him +ust yet& @e looks sad and awkwardly remo#es his hand *rom my shoulder& E- +ustI- hope one day we can $e *riends again&G - look away *rom him and nod in agreement& EMay$e one day&G - pretend to look *or more items to pack& - reali(e my computer is in the li#ing room and turn to go get it& E- need my laptop&G - walk past him and out o* the room without any reconciliation $etween us& - don/t know when -/ll $e a$le to mo#e past what he did& - *ind my computer on the co**ee ta$le. where - le*t it. and gather it with a *ew other papers& As - head $ack to the $edroom - reali(e 4ames is gone& - sidestep and glance around the kitchen.

although why he/d $e in there - don/t know& - return to the $edroom. *rowning& E>here/s 4ames?G Garrett *aces me& E@e wanted to in#estigate some options&G E=ptions?G E@e doesn/t like the idea o* you $eing alone in an unknown place. especially since he can/t check on you&G - *eel my *ace contort& E- thought time was o* the essence& Shouldn/t we get going? >hen will he $e $ack?G - would like to see him once more $e*ore - lea#e *or 0owheres#ille& E- ga#e him an hour.G Garrett says& E-* we don/t hear *rom him $y then we/re out o* here&G >hat/s with the hurry up and wait? - don/t need time *or second thoughtsF - roughly push my laptop into my $ackpack and walk o#er to yank the charger *rom the wall& Garrett and - spend our time in relati#e silence. working to gather as much as is necessary& @e empties )B/s litter $o; so - can take it with me. and - scour the kitchen $agging her *ood. dry snacks *or me. and $ottles o* water in a grocery $ag& >ho knows how long -/ll $e dri#ing? =nce that stu** is collected. we carry e#erything to my car and *ill the trunk& =n the way. we stop at Garrett/s apartment where he gra$s a *ull du**le $ag& E>hen did you ha#e time to pack?G - ask& E4ack did it *or me $e*ore he le*t.G he says& ESo that - could warn you&G =nce the car is loaded. we head $ack to my place to wait *or 4ames with )B& Garrett pulls his phone *rom his pocket and takes a seat ne;t to me on the couch& E>hat/s your num$er?G he asks& ESince when ha#e you had a phone?G ESince always&G @e na#igates to his contact list& EHour num$er?G - recite it to him and watch as he enters it. sa#ing it without a name assigned& - notice he has only two contacts& E- won/t call you until things are sa*e.G he says and studies my *ace& E=r unless )ucas calls with another warning to mo#e&G EBecause they can trace me through 4ames?G EHes. and they can trace 4ames through me& - still carry some o* his $ond& -/m not *ully human yet&G @e looks remorse*ul& EThat reminds me.G he says and opens a notes app on his phone& E- need your $ank in*ormation&G E>hat *or?G E)ucas trans*erred an o$scene amount o* money into my account to *acilitate this mo#e and any others that might come upA he/s $een the one supporting me& @e reDuested that - get your in*ormation. so that he may do the same *or you&G E<eally?G That/s kind o* nice. - guess& EBelie#e it or not. he *eels $ad& @e doesn/t en+oy hurting others&G - shrug& >hat the hell? -t/s not like -/m rich and this )ucas is apparently loaded& - don/t think he/s going to drain my account& - gi#e Garrett my $ank name and checking account num$er& - glance at the time and 4ames/ hour is nearly up& There/s $een no word *rom him& Garrett paces as - mindlessly *lip through the tele#ision channels *or a distraction& - guess - should start thinking a$out which direction to dri#e& Should - head north and stay in Michigan or dri#e out o* the state? -/#e ne#er $een *urther west than Chicago. when we went there *or a weekend school trip& May$e - should pick a $ig cityA it would $e easier to get Elost&G

Garrett/s cell phone rings. scattering my thoughts and making me +ump& E@ello?G he answers& - watch him look at me and nod& E>e/re lea#ing now&G @e hangs up& E>ho was that?G - ask. my ner#es rattled& E4ames.G he says& E-t/s time to go&G E>here?G E'alama(oo -nternational Airport&G

-t takes only *i*teen minutes to get there& - lug my o#erstu**ed $ackpack and )B insideA Garrett carries my suitcase& >e *ind a long $ench opposite the ticket counter. and Garrett takes a seat& E0ow what?G - ask& E>here are we going?G E=nly you/re going.G he says and looks around& @is eyes land $ack on me& EBut - don/t know where&G - roll my eyes& La$ulous& More unanswered Duestions& - plop down ne;t to him on the $ench& The stress and an;iety o* the last couple hours is taking its toll& -t/s late and -/m e;haustedA my interrupted nap did nothing to compensate *or my lack o* sleep o#er the last *i#e nights& - yawn as - ask. ESo. what do we do? >ait *or 4ames?G @e nods& >ell. he should $e here any minute. diligent Guardian that he is& - try to people watch as com$ through the possi$ilities& >here would 4ames want me to go $y plane? @e must want me to get as *ar away as possi$le& Alaska? - shi#er at the idea& - hate the cold& Garrett said 4ames didn/t want me to $e alone& - ha#e no *amily out o* state e;cept a *ew cousins in Colorado that ne#er see& That must $e it& 4ames has ne#er met them. and -/#e ne#er #isited there& But. wait. no& They would $e sure to call my parents and let them know - une;pectedly tra#eled across the country to #isit unannounced& My mind continues to spin and then starts to *ade as my eyes grow hea#y& - *ind mysel* *alling asleep and then +erking awake as soon as my chin hits my chest& Garrett notices& EHou can lean on me i* you want&G The o**er is enticing& >hat - wouldn/t gi#e to lie down right now& @e nods toward his shoulder and - lean o#er. setting my head against it& @e wraps his arm around my $ack and side to keep me upright& - *eel mysel* *ading into sleep again as - wonder what is taking 4ames so long& )et/s do this already& As -/m intermittently awakened $y *light announcements. - lose track o* time& - *ade in and out o* consciousness. and gladly too& My $ody and my mind need to rest& - do think a$out )B though. and i* she needs to use the litter $o;& 2oor thing& - hope Garrett/s reiki calmed those urges. tooA - ha#e no idea where - could take her& As time passes. a deeper sleep *inds me and welcome it& EEmma? Emma. wake up&G - hear 4ames/ #oice and *eel my shoulder $eing nudged& E>ake up. Em& -t/s almost time to go&G - *orce my eyes open to a sDuint. and 4ames/ *ace is *u((y& EHou/re here.G - croak. my throat thick with sleep&

@is *ace is le#el $e*ore me. and he gi#es me a sad smile& E- am.G he says& EHou need to start waking up& Hour *light will $e $oarding soon&G - try to widen my eyes and *ocus& E>hat took you so long?G -t *eels like -/#e $een passed out *or hours& E- $rought someone to go with you.G he says& ESo you won/t $e alone&G My *ace twists& -s he kidding? That can/t $e possi$le& - $link and things go *u((y and then clear again& - must $e dreaming& - ru$ my eyes to make sure& 0o. -/m awake& 4ames stands and steps to the side. so he/s no longer $locking my line o* #iew& >ho he re#eals makes me second,guess my sanity& May$e - am still asleep& That or -/#e stepped into an alternate uni#erse& My tra#el companion steps *orward& E@ey. Grace&G

Chapter 22
-/m speechless& - look *rom Cane. to 4ames. and then to Garrett in dis$elie*& ECid you know a$out this?G @e nods& E>hy didn/t you tell me?G E- asked him not to.G 4ames says. redirecting my attention& @e glances at Cane& E- wasn/t sure i* he would play along&G - stare at 4ames wide,eyed and then look at Cane& @e gi#es me a small shrug and shi*ts his weight uncom*orta$ly& 0e#er in a million years did - think anything like this would e#er happen& ECome on&G 4ames reaches *or my hand& E>e ha#e to get you two through security&G @e helps me stand and my legs *eel sti** and dis+ointed a*ter sitting *or so long& E>hat a$out )B?G - ask& ECid you make arrangements *or her. too?G EShit&G 4ames drops my hand and looks at Cane& E>e *orgot a$out the cat&G E-/#e got it.G Garrett says and stands. looking at me& EHou need to get going& -/ll take her with me.G he hesitates& EThat is. i* it/s okay with you&G - look down at )B& - know -/ll miss her i* - send her away& - li*t the carrier o** the *loor. placing it on the $ench. so - can peer inside& The mo#ement wakes her. and she hisses at me& Apparently she won/t miss me as much& E)o#e you. too.G - tell her and gi#e her a sad smile& stand and turn to Garrett& E- think she likes you $etter anyway& Thank you&G E-/ll take good care o* her.G he promises& My eyes +ump to Cane. and - see he has my suitcase in one hand and his in the other& - turn around to gra$ my $ackpack and throw it on my shoulder. then pause& E@ere&G - reach into my purse and *ish out my car keys. handing them to Garrett& EHou/ll need )B/s things. so you might as well take my car& -t doesn/t look like -/ll need it&G @e pulls the keys *rom my hand& E-/ll take good care o* that. too.G he says Duietly& Cane clears his throat& E>e should pro$a$ly get these $ags checked in.G he says& E=ur *light lea#es in less than an hour&G My eyes lock on 4ames& @e nods his appro#al. and - *ollow Cane as he tows our luggage to the ticket counter& The woman working the desk gi#es us a *riendly smile and asks Cane/s last name& E>alker.G he says& E2arty o* two?G she con*irms& EHes&G EChecking any $ags this e#ening?G @e eyes my $ackpack& ECo you want to carry that or check it?G -t/s hea#y and $ulky& ECheck it. please&G EThree&G The woman asks to see our -C and then presses a *ew keys& E-/ll ha#e your $oarding passes in a moment.G she says and steps away& E>ait.G - say in surprise& E>hen did you $uy the tickets?G @e gi#es me hal* a smile& EA$out three hours ago&G

The woman returns with the passes. tears them apart. and hands them to Cane& She then gra$s the luggage tags and loops them through each suitcase handle& - hand her my $ackpack& >hen e#erything is tagged. she says. EHou/re all set& En+oy the Cari$$ean&G >hat? EThank you.G Cane smiles and turns away *rom the counter& EThe Cari$$ean?G - ask under my $reath as we make our way $ack to 4ames& E-sn/t that a little e;tra#agant?G E>e/ll talk a$out it later.G he whispers& >hen we reach 4ames and Garrett. Cane gi#es them a nod and lea#es me alone with them. walking se#eral *eet away to lean against a post& My throat goes dry and my heart $egins to pound& EStay sa*e.G Garrett says& E<emem$er. -/ll only contact you i* it/s necessary&G - inhale like -/m con*ident& EGot it&G - gesture toward )B& ECon/t let her take ad#antage o* you&G @e gi#es me a timid smile& E-/ll try not to&G @e looks $etween 4ames and -& E-/ll let you two ha#e a *ew minutes& - need to get going mysel*&G @e turns and collects )B. then looks at me sincerely& E@a#e a sa*e trip&G - nod and my throat constricts& >hen will - see them again? ,ill - see them again? Garrett pauses ne;t to 4ames& EHou too& Be care*ul&G 4ames and - watch as Garrett carries )B toward the e;it& >hen he reaches the sliding doors. he gi#es us one last look and a small wa#e. which makes the $lood drain *rom my *ace& E@ey.G 4ames steps to my side& EE#erything will $e all right&G - gi#e him a wary look& E)isten&G @e stands directly in *ront o* me. placing his hands on either side o* my *ace. cradling it& E-/m not going to let anything happen to you& Got it? Belie#e in that&G - close my eyes and whisper. E-t/s not +ust me -/m worried a$out&G @is cold lips gra(e my *orehead& E-/ll $e *ine&G - open my eyes& EHou promise?G @e nods and steps $ack. his hands sliding down my arms& - catch a glimpse o* Cane o#er his shoulder and ask. EHou/re sure you want me to do this?G @e gi#es me a Duestioning look& E<un away with Cane?G E0o& - want to $e the one you run away with&G @e glances o#er his shoulder& EBut since can/t $e.G he turns $ack around. Ehe/s the ne;t $est choice&G My mouth *alls open& EThe most important thing is your protection.G 4ames says earnestly& E- remem$er what he did *or you last summer& @e did something - couldn/t. and he/s here to do it again&G EButIG - protest& E<egardless o* how - *eel. this isn/t a$out me& -t/s a$out what/s $est *or you& Cane and - had a long talk a$out it on the way here.G he says and looks into my eyes& E)et him take care o* you. Emma&G - can/t $elie#e -/m hearing this& EJm. guys?G Cane asks. hushed. *rom $ehind 4ames& E2eople are staring&G - glance around and catch a young couple a#ert their ga(e& E-t looks like you/re talking to yoursel*.G Cane says&

- Duickly ad+ust my *eatures and *ocus on Cane/s *ace& EThanks&G 4ames looks *rom Cane to me& EHou should go& Hou don/t want to miss your *light to where e#er.G he says. trying to $e lighthearted& My pulse accelerates& E- don/t want to say good$ye&G EThen don/t.G he says in all seriousness& E-/ll see you soon& Be*ore you know it&G - remain motionless as he steps *orward and kisses me so*tly on the lips& E#ery part o* me wants to wrap my arms around him. $ut - don/t& - don/t want to draw attention to mysel* again& E- lo#e you.G he says& E)o#e you. too.G - $arely whisper& And +ust like that. he #anishes& - $link away the *ew tears that pop into my eyes& >hen they/re clear. - raise my head to *ind Cane standing with his $ack to me. $locking me *rom the #iew o* the ticket counter and the people that wait there& E@e/s gone.G - say and step around him& Cane looks at me with a mi;ed e;pression& - can/t tell i* he *eels $ad *or me or i* he is irritated& @e starts to walk in the direction o* the escalators. and - *ollow& -t doesn/t take us long to get through the security lineA 'alama(oo -nternational is a relati#ely small airport& Cane waits *or me to retie my tennis shoes and slip my +acket on $e*ore heading to the gate& >e round a corner and end up at gate *our. destination Miami. Llorida& EMiami?G - ask as we *ind two empty seats& E>e ha#e a small layo#er&G @e leans *orward to rest his el$ows on his knees and gi#es me a wry smile& E-t/s the $est - could do on short notice& Then it/s on to St& Thomas&G My eye$rows shoot up& EAs in the Kirgin -slands?G EThe same&G =* all the places in the world. how did he come up with the Kirgin -slands? 0ot that -/m complaining& -* anything. it/s not Alaska& - can do tropical& ESoIG Cane dri*ts o** and looks uncom*orta$le& @e looks lost *or words. as am -& - twist my *ingers in my lap& @e must ha#e a million Duestions& E4ames ne#er le*t you.G he says matter,o*,*actly& - shake my head. sheepish& E0o&G E-t e;plains a lot.G he says and looks at his *eet& E-t e;plains a whole lot&G E-/m sorry&G - lean *orward and try to catch his eyes& EHou know why - couldn/t tell you. right? - tried to deal with things as $est - could. $ut - was terri$le at it& -/m so s MG EStop.G he interrupts and looks at me& E-t/s not your *ault&G - *rown& E=* course it/s my *aultF The last time - saw you. - handled it completely wrong. and - hurt you. and MG @e sets his hand on my knee& E- said stop&G - shut my mouth& EThere/s only one person - $lame *or your actions and it/s not you.G he says as he searches my *ace& ESo stop apologi(ing&G >ho does he $lame? @imsel*? That/s not *air& EHou can/t $lame yoursel*.G - say. appalled& EHou had no idea what was going on&G @e snorts& E- don/t $lame mysel*&G

A #oice comes o#er the 2A& EGood e#ening. passengers& >e will now start $oarding *light 6!" with non,stop ser#ice to Miami& At this time. we/d like to start with our *irst class passengers and any guests that reDuire special assistance& Again. that/s *light 6!" with ser#ice to Miami& >elcome a$oard&G Cane stands& EThat/s us&G A line o* elderly people $egins to *orm near the +et way& - see a man in a wheelchair and a woman using a walker& - look up at Cane and smirk& ECo - reDuire special assistance?G @e rolls his eyes& E0o. doo*us& Lirst class& )et/s go&G - stand. impressed& ECo you treat all the girls you sa#e *rom the supernatural this way?G @e grins& E=nly you. $a$y& =nly you&G

=ur seats are in the second row o* the plane& Cane graciously allows me to take the window seat. and - *iddle with the seat$elt as he gets com*orta$le& - look around and play with the window shade. and then pluck the sa*ety card out o* the seat pocket in *ront o* me& As the other passengers *ile in. - open the card and study the pictures o* the emergency e;its and use o* the o;ygen masks& E>hat/s so interesting?G Cane leans o#er my shoulder& E@a#e you e#er heard o* the o;ygen masks actually $eing used?G E0o& >hy?G E4ust curious&G - continue to study the card. twisting around to locate another e;it& Lirst class is $locked $y a partition. and - can/t see more than two rows $ehind me& Cane *rowns& E>hat are you looking *or?G EThe e;its.G - say seriously& E-/#e ne#er *lown $e*ore&G EHou/re kidding&G @e looks shocked& EHou/#e ne#er $een in a plane?G - shake my head& EE#er?G - roll my eyes& EThat/s what no means&G @e looks amused& EAre you scared?G - gi#e him a stale look& E0o. -/m not& -/m +ust trying to $e prepared&G @e tries not to smile& ELH-. your seat cushion can $e used as a *lotation de#ice&G EThat/s #ery help*ul.G - say sarcastically. Eseeing as how we/ll $e *lying o#er land the entire time&G @e laughs& E#entually. the plane is *ull and the *light attendants gi#e us their spiel as we ta;i& >hen it comes to the actual takeo**. - ha#e to admit that it/s kind o* a rush. and - like it& Cane gi#es me a *ew sideways glancesA - think to make sure -/m not ner#ous. or ready to puke. or anything& As we clim$ higher in the sky and the plane le#els itsel*. - stare out the window into the darkness as a reali(ation settles o#er me& -/#e +ust le*t $ehind e#erything com*orta$le and *amiliar in my li*e& -/#e le*t $ehind e#eryone - lo#e *or something - can ne#er e;plain. and they don/t e#en know it& *eel my throat constrict& Cane nudges my arm& E>ould you like something?G

- rip my eyes *rom the window and see one o* the *light attendants ho#ering o#er him& E)ike what?G E>e ha#e water. co**ee. +uice. soda. wine. and liDuor& >ould you like a cocktail?G she asks. too perky *or this time o* night& EJm. water& 2lease&G She hands me a $ottle *rom her cart& EAnd *or you. sir?G Cane looks at me& E- think - could use something stronger than water&G @e turns $ack to Ms& 2erky& E>hat ha#e you got *or mi;ed drinks?G - *ocus my attention $ack on the night sky. $locking them out and ignoring what he orders& @e deser#es to ha#e whate#er he wantsA shoot. gi#e him the whole damn $ottle o* whate#er& Tonight. he le*t his li*e $ehind. too& All $ecause o* me& - close my eyes as the thought weighs hea#ily on my conscience& @ow will - e#er repay him? E@ere&G @e nudges my arm again and hands me a small plastic $ag& Ear $uds& EThey/re complimentary&G EThanks.G - say Duietly and slowly take them *rom his hand& @is ha(el eyes register concern& E>hat/s wrong?G - immediately *orce a weak smile& E0othing& 4ust tired&G @e *rowns& - know he doesn/t $elie#e me& - $usy mysel* $y tearing open the $ag and locating the connection in the armrest. +ust like - saw the woman across the aisle do& - pop the $uds in my ears and *ind the *irst tolera$le music station. then close my eyes and lean $ack in my seat to lose mysel*& - can/t ha#e a heart to heart talk with him right now& Hou think a crying $a$y on an airplane is $ad? 0o$ody wants to ha#e their *light ruined $y a so$$ing mess o* a grown woman&

=ur layo#er in Miami is only thirty minutes. which allows us +ust enough time to get *rom one gate to the ne;t& The plane we/re taking to St& Thomas is nothing like the +et we took *rom 'alama(ooA it/s tiny. with propellers on the wings. and we ha#e to walk out onto the tarmac to $oard& >hen we/re seated. the plane holds only si; passengers. including us& Two o* them are clearly a coupleA they/re all o#er each other kissing and giggling& EGee(.G - mutter under my $reath& EGet a room already&G Cane snickers& The *light is a short hop to the island. and -/m so grate*ul to $e nearing the end o* this +ourney& The Cyril E& 'ing airport in St& Thomas is e#en smaller than ' Uoo -nternational. and it takes us no time to collect our three $ags& - *ollow Cane to the car rental counter& E>hy don/t you sit down?G he suggests. concerned& EHou look like you/re ready to keel o#er&G - eye a near$y $ank o* chairs and shu**le my way to one o* them& - take this opportunity to remo#e my +acket& -t/s hot here. e#en in the dead o* night& -* -/d known where - was headed wouldn/t ha#e chosen my +eans and tennis shoe ensem$le& My *eet are starting to sweat in my socks& - can/t wait to lie down in a $ed. with $lankets and sheets and a pillow& A random thought hits me& >here are we staying? >as there enough time to *ind a place or will we ha#e

to search *or an open room somewhere? >ill we end up camping on a $each? The thought o* more uncertain tra#el makes me scowl& E-s there a pro$lem?G Cane asks as he approaches me. his hand *ull o* papers& E2lease tell me you know where we/re going.G - nearly whimper& E- know where we/re going.G he says con*idently& EThank God.G - sigh and pull my $ody o** the chair& - ad+ust my $ackpack on my shoulder and gesture ahead o* us& E)ead the way&G =utside in the airport rental lot. Cane consults the papers in his hand to locate the parking space that holds our car& >hen he stops in *ront o* a red A#eo. - $urst into a *it o* giggles. wrapping my arms around my sides& EHou/re not serious?G - laugh& This car is the si(e o* a roller skateA Cane will ne#er $e a$le to dri#e it& E@ey.G he gi#es me a crooked smile& EBeggars can/t $e choosers& -t/s late and we didn/t ha#e a reser#ation& This is what we get&G @e unlocks the car and li*ts the hatch& =nly one o* our $ags and my $ackpack will *it in the trunkA the other $ag has to go in the $ackseat& - clim$ into the passenger side and Cane wedges himsel* in to the dri#er/s seat. sliding it $ack as *ar as possi$le to accommodate his legs& E#en with the seat ad+usted his knees still hit the steering wheel& ECo you want me to dri#e?G - ask. suppressing more laughter& E@a#e you e#er dri#en on the le*t side o* the road?G - shake my head& E0o. $ut it/s late& There/s pro$a$ly little tra**ic&G @e $uckles his seat$elt& E-/m dri#ing&G @e sets his phone in a cup holder on the dash and pulls up an address& E@ere we go.G he says and starts the car& E- take it you/#e $een here $e*ore?G @e looks o#er his shoulder to $ack out o* the parking space& ETo #acation. yes&G @e *aces *orward and puts the car in dri#e& EBut not at this same place&G >e lea#e the airport and pull out onto a deserted two lane highway& As Cane *ollows the G2S instructions. - stare out the window. *ollowing the coastline as we dri#e& - roll the window down and a $last o* salty sea air hits me& The headlights $ounce o** the palm trees that line the road. and - allow mysel* a small smile& Jnder di**erent circumstances. this could $e my type o* place& The G2S tells us to turn le*t ahead. then right. then le*t again& Around twenty minutes later. we end up in a residential area. where huge homes are sporadically spaced& Some o* them ha#e gated dri#es. some don/t& Most ha#e impressi#e landscaping that is lit up in the nightA - e#en catch a *ew water *eatures here and there& >e/re clearly passing through a wealthy part o* the islandA there/s no way we/re staying anywhere around here& There aren/t any hotels as *ar as can see& As usual. my assumption is wrong as the G2S tells us our destination is approaching on our right& Cane slows the car and then turns onto a short pa#ed dri#e which is lined with palm trees& >e roll to a stop in *ront o* a large three car garage where he cuts the engine and turns to me with relie*& E>e made it&G - shoot him a look o* dis$elie*& E@ere?G - glance to the garage and $ack to him again& E>e/re staying here?G =ne side o* his mouth Duirks up& EHes& >ell. in the house attached to the garage. yes. we/re staying here&G @e smiles& E)et/s go&G @e opens the car door and pulls himsel* out o* the small space. standing and stretching&

- push my door open and e;it the roller skate. slamming it $ehind me& - walk around to the $ack o* the car to +oin Cane. who already has my $ackpack and suitcase unloaded& E@ere&G @e reaches into his $ack pocket and opens his wallet& @e hands me a piece o* paper& EThis is the security code to unlock the *ront door& Go aheadA -/ll $e right $ehind you&G - take the paper *rom him and pull my $ackpack on to my shoulder& @e gra$s my suitcase and carries it around the side o* the car as he retrie#es his& - turn and walk slowly up the well,lit co$$led path that leads to the *ront door. admiring what - can make out o* the intricate landscaping& This place must $e gorgeous in the daylight& >hen - pry my eyes away *rom the yard. the *ront porch appears $e*ore me and - walk up two steps to the door& The outside o* the house is co#ered in an aggregate o* large stones. each a di**erent shape and color& - search *or a keypad and *ind it o** to the right. under a *olded note taped to the stone& The paper has Cane/s name scri$$led across it. and - remo#e it to punch in the code& - hit enter. hear the de*inite click o* the door unlock. and let mysel* inside& @oly crap& This place looks like - +ust stepped into an episode o* @GTK& My wide eyes roam the surroundings. and - take a *ew tentati#e steps *orward& The entryway spills into a tiled great room. the ceiling made up o* e;posed weathered $eams& The walls are co#ered in a rich wood paneling. and the entire wall opposite me is constructed o* *loor to ceiling windows that are co#ered in i#ory drapes that $illow and puddle on the *loor& The li#ing area is *ull o* plump *urniture in a sage green trimmed in honey oak with end ta$les to match& A large *lat screen adorns the wall across *rom the couches. and a dining ta$le sits $ack $y the windows. car#ed *rom the same honey oak. and surrounded with chairs to seat si;& Lresh *lowers adorn e#ery *lat sur*ace. and - can see that the room e;tends to my le*t. rounding a corner& My mind races& >hose house is this? - glance down at the note in my hands and un*old it& Mr& Cane % Mrs& Teagan >alker. Congratulations on your recent nuptialsF >e are so happy we were a$le to accommodate the change in your rental date& >e hope that you *ind e#erything to your satis*action& Should you reDuire anything or ha#e other concerns. please contact us directly at "5 7:! 7!5"& =ur sta** is on call 25 hours a day. se#en days a week& Thank you *or choosing )u;ury <etreats -nternationalF >e appreciate your $usinessF Sincerely. )oretta Houng )<-. -nc& A sarcastic snort o* laughter escapes as - let my $ackpack *all *rom my shoulder& There/s no way this day could get any more $i(arreA my e;haustion le#el must $e through the roo*& - could swear - +ust read that Cane and Teagan are married& - reread the letter& 0o. that/s what it says& - hear the door open $ehind me and the sound o* suitcases $eing set on the *loor& ESo.G Cane appears $y my side. Ewhat do you think?G - look up *rom the note and into his eyes. my e;pression wracked with con*usion& E>hat/s the matter?G he asks. searching my *ace& - swallow& EHou $rought me on your honeymoon?G

Chapter 23
Cane looks guilty and trips on his words& E0oF >ell. yesIkind o*&G @e steps toward me as step $ack& - curse without thinking twice& ETeagan is going to *lip her shitF She already despises meFG EShe has no idea we/re here&G - shake my head in dis$elie*& @a#e - stepped into some sort o* Twilight Uone? @e puts his hands on his hips& E<emem$er when - told you her mom wouldn/t let up on the wedding plans? That she made me $ook a honeymoon?G - nod as - remem$er the con#ersation we had in his car a*ter the @alloween party& E>ell. this is it.G he says& E-t was supposed to $e a surpriseA Teagan ne#er knew this was the destination& And since it/s non,re*unda$le and -/m not getting marriedIG he trails o** and sighs& E- think it turned out to $e Duite con#enient i* you ask me&G My *ace *alls as - attempt to process e#erything that/s happened in the last 25 hours& Super e;cited a$out *uture M check& Lorced to run away *rom home and a$andon said *uture M check& Tucked away on a tropical island on someone else/s honeymoon M check& - glance down at the letter in my hand and slowly hold it out to Cane& EThere/s an emergency num$er listed in case you need it&G @e takes the paper& E>hat? Are you upset now? Mad? Talk to me&G - $link in slow motion& E-/m not sure what - am&G - $end to pick up my $ackpack and then stand. *rowning& E-/m o#erwhelmed& E#erything/s happened so *astIG @is eyes search mine& ETell me a$out it&G >e stand there regarding each other *or silent seconds& A reali(ation hits his *eatures and he $acks away. pulling his phone *rom his pocket& E- *orgotA - need to send some messages&G @e opens his email and runs his *inger up the screen. scrolling& E=ne to my dad.G he says. staring at the phone. Etelling him -/#e $een called out o* town *or work&G @e selects the message and hits send& EAnd one to my $oss.G he continues and scrolls some more. Ewith my resignation&G E>aitFG - $lurt out& ECon/t send thatF >hen did you decide to resign?G E=n the plane while you slept&G @e gi#es me a knowing look& - wasn/t really sleeping& EHou can/t resign *rom your +o$F Especially o#er meFG EEmma. - was going to $e *ired anyway.G he says& EThis +ust gi#es me an e;cuse to Duit early&G @e deli$erately holds out the phone. so - can see him press send& - look away and *ight the angry tears $ehind my eyes& -s there any part o* this man/s li*e that - ha#en/t ruined? - work to pull mysel* together as - gather my suitcase& E- need a shower and some sleep.G - mum$le as - walk past him and into the great room& EThis way?G - gesture to my le*t& @e shrugs in ignorance and gra$s his suitcase to *ollow me& >e walk through the li#ing area and around the corner& A modern kitchen greets us. complete with an island and $reak*ast $ar& Lresh *ruit. crackers. cheese. and a $ottle o* wine sit in a $asket on the island ne;t to a white card that reads Congratulations4 - choose to ignore it and keep walking& At the end o* the hallway is a large set o* dou$le doors& - press down on the handles and push the doors open. re#ealing a spacious master suite&

- step inside as my eyes roam the room in awe& The dresser. armoire. and $edside ta$les are all made o* a rich. dark wood& )arge sliding glass doors make up most o* the wall to my right and through them - can see a spot lit patio& The same tile and e;posed $eams *ound in main part o* the home co#er the *loor and the ceiling. $ut these walls are painted in a pale sage& More *resh *lowers and plants adorn the sur*aces in the room. and there is e#en enough space *or an additional wicker couch and chair& And the $ed M is there a $igger si(e than a king? This $ed is huge. made o* the same dark wood. and co#ered in plush $eige com*orter with a lea* design& a$andon my luggage to walk *orward and run my hand across it& - want to di#e into this $ed and ne#er get out& Cane $reaks my $ed,swimming *antasy $y walking into my line o* #ision& @e heads *or an open door and *lips a light switch& E- *ound the $athroom.G he says. clearly not as impressed as am in regard to the room/s decor& - look at the $ed o* dreams and sigh. wondering i* the guest room contains the same thing& =$#iously this will $e Cane/s roomA he paid *or the place& - turn and walk $ack toward the dou$le doors& E>here are you going?G he asks& ETo *ind the guest room.G - say. tired& - gra$ my things and head down the short hallway. passing the kitchen& - walk through the li#ing area and head *or the opposite side o* the house& There/s a closed door o** the entryway and when - get to it. - pull the handle with gusto and $link into the darkness o* a hollow space& - *um$le *or a light switch and end up hitting a $utton& +ump as a $right light pops on and one o* the garage doors starts to loudly rise& The garage? *ound the *reaking garage?F >here/s the guest room? A house this si(e surely has more than one $edroom& - sigh and press the $utton to lower the door& A*ter closing the interior door $ehind me. - cross my arms and sur#ey my options& EThere/s supposed to $e another suite in the pa#ilion o** the patio.G Cane says. appearing around the corner& - *rown at him& E>hy didn/t you say so?G EHou walked away $e*ore - could&G - make my way to the glass wall and *ind one o* the sliding door handles& - unlock it and step out into the tropical night with Cane $ehind me& A warm $ree(e $lows. rustling the palm trees that dot the patio& - spy the pa#ilion on the opposite side o* the swimming pool and walk around the $lue water to reach it& The pa#ilion door is another sliding one. and - locate the handle in the dim light and pull& -t/s locked& EHou ha#e got to $e kidding me.G - groan and rest my head against the glass& E)et me try.G Cane #olunteers and gi#es the handle a tug& EHeah. that/s locked.G he says and steps $ack& EMay$e there/s another keypad?G - ask and start searching the stone wall *or $uttons& Cane cups his hands around his eyes and peers into the pa#ilion against the glass& E-t wouldn/t matter.G he says and mo#es down a *ew steps to look again& EThere/s nothing in there $ut patio *urniture&G E>hat?G - copy his stance. pressing my hands against the glass and looking inside& Ta$les and chairs in #arious shapes and si(es are crammed together and stacked hapha(ardly on top o* one another& - $ack away *rom the $uilding& E- think this Duali*ies as not *inding e#erything to our satis*action&G

EThey pro$a$ly *igured we wouldn/t need two $edrooms.G he says in de*ense o* the retreat company& EBesides. - only ga#e them M what? M eight hours notice? >e/re lucky the place was e#en a#aila$le&G - scowl& E- thought you said you prepaid?G E- did.G he sighs. e;asperated& EBut - ne#er ga#e them a time *rame& >e still hadn/t picked a wedding date&G - stare at the ground& All - want to do is shower and go to sleep& That/s it& That/s all& EC/mon&G Cane reaches out and takes my hand& @e turns me around and tows me toward the main house& E>here are we going?G ETo $ed&G - stop walking and try to pull my hand away& E-/m sorry?G ECon/t $e dramatic.G he says o#er his shoulder and tugs my arm. *orcing me to *ollow& E>e/re tired. it/s late. and we/re sharing a room& Get o#er it&G >e step o#er the threshold into the main house and he slides the door closed $ehind us. ne#er letting me go& My mind *lashes $ack to the night o* the @alloween party. where he led me around $y my wrist& >e walk o#er to my suitcase and $ackpack. which - a$andoned $y the garage. and he picks them up in one hand& @e leads me down the hallway and $ack in to the $edroom. tossing my $ags on the $ed& EThere.G he says and lets go o* my hand& @e regards my e;pression and rolls his eyes& E2lease& -t/s not like we ha#en/t slept together $e*ore&G @e walks around to the opposite side o* the $ed. un(ips his suitcase. and starts to unload his clothes& - reach *or my $ag to *ollow suit as my mind races with sarcastic thoughts& Sure. why shouldn/t we share a room. let alone the same $ed? There/s a$solutely no &ay this will $e awkward. none at all& - *orce*ully un(ip my $ag and start to rummage through it *or clean underwear and pa+amas& >hat is he thinking? -sn/t he the least $it uncom*orta$le with this? @e knows the truth nowA he knows 4ames is still in my li*e& - catch a glimpse o* him under my lashes as he locates what he was looking *or& @e tucks a pair o* dark $lue sleep pants under his arm. picks up his tooth$rush and toothpaste. and looks at me& E-/ll +ust $e a minute& Then you can shower or whate#er&G - nod as he turns to head into the $athroom. closing the door $ehind him& - sigh and return to digging through my clothes& -/#e *ound the underwear. $ut - can/t *ind my pa+amas& And what am - going to do with all o* these +eans and sweaters? - can/t wear this stu** here& -/m going to ha#e to pick up some new clothes& Either that or roast to death& Minutes later. when Cane emerges *rom the $athroom. -/m still searching& E>hat e;ploded?G he asks. eyeing my strewn clothes and empty suitcase& - throw my hands up& EApparently - *orgot to pack pa+amas&G - look up *rom the $ed and stop in my tracks& @e/s standing in the doorway shirtless. wearing only the pants& My eyes slide o#er his hard chest and - $lush. remem$ering the last time we were in a $edroom alone together& @e smirks upon seeing my reaction and tries to contain it. stepping *orward to snag a t,shirt o** his clothes pile& @e walks around the $ed toward me. pulling it o#er his head& EAre you sure?G - roll my eyes& EJm. yeah& -/m sure&G

@e peruses my garment mountain and a slow smile spreads across his *ace& @e reaches out and plucks a pair o* underwear o** the $edA un*ortunately. they/re the pale pink granny kind& EHet you remem$ered these?G he asks. grinning& EGi#e me thoseFG - gra$ them *rom his hand& EHou/re not helpingFG @e laughs and then reaches across to his pile& E@ere&G @e tosses me one o* his t,shirts& E>ear this&G - un*old the $lack shirt to *ind it/s a concert tee *rom a 'ings o* )eon show& EThat should $e $ig enough to co#er e#erything.G he says. chuckling& EE#en i* you/re wearing a pair o* those&G @e nods toward the underwear in my hand& - narrow my eyes and hold the shirt to my chest& - pick up my toiletry $ag and shower supplies. and then skirt around him toward the $athroom& E0ot e#eryone can a**ord to shop at Kictoria/s Secret you know&G - hear his #oice *rom $ehind& E>ell. may$e we can change that&G My *ace *lushes and - turn around& E- wouldn/t $et on it.G - snap and shut the door with my *oot& The ner#eF The $athroom is +ust an impressi#e as the rest o* the house& There/s a sunken tu$ with spa +ets surrounded $y candles and a separate shower. along with two sinks. and mirrors that tra#el *rom the counter to the ceiling& -t/s not di**icult to catch a glimpse o* yoursel* in such a large piece o* glass. and - cringe at my re*lection& - look like a$solute hell& Anyone who looks like this should $e wearing granny panties& - set my things on the counter and then take my shampoo. conditioner. and ra(or to the shower and place them inside& - turn the *aucet and hold my hand under the water. waiting *or it to warm up& =nce it/s toasty. - step out o* my clothes and under the water. letting it $eat on my $ack& - turn around and reali(e the showerhead is ad+usta$le and play with the settings& *ind one pattern that/s particularly nice and stand $eneath the pounding water with my eyes closed& - ha#e died and gone to shower hea#en& A*ter - use all o* the hot water. - get out and dry o** with what has to $e the so*test towel on the planet& >hat is this made out o*? 'ittens? - get dressed. pulling Cane/s shirt o#er my head. and turning around to check my re*lection in the mirror to make sure it/s long enough& -t hangs shapelessly o** my $ody and. thank*ully. *alls to the middle o* my thigh& - cannot $elie#e - *orgot to pack pa+amas& - $rush my teeth. com$ through my wet hair. gather my clothes. and take a deep $reath& -/m sure Cane has *ound more things to ridicule me a$out. especially since - le*t my stu** lying all o#er the place& To my surprise. - open the door to a darkened room& =nce my eyes *ocus. - can see that our clothes and suitcases ha#e disappeared and Cane has crawled $eneath the co#ers to sleep on the side nearest the $athroom& - tiptoe around the *oot o* the $ed. dropping my dirty clothes on the *loor& - care*ully pull $ack the $lankets. so as not to wake him. and my $ody tenses as - slowly lower mysel* to the mattress& E-t/s not made o* glass you know&G EA@@FG - +ump and pull my knees to my chest& EHou scared meFG @e laughs& E- thought you were asleepFG - hiss and scoot down. $eing sure to +ostle the $ed as much as possi$le to get com*orta$le& E- should $e& @ow long were you in there? An hour?G EAt least.G - say. my #oice dripping with sarcasm& E>hat? -s there a time limit?G

E0o&G - can *eel him roll o#er& E- thought you had drowned&G E-n the shower?G EGi#en what/s happened today. anything/s possi$le&G - can/t help $ut smile& E>ell. +ust *or the record. - take really long showers&G E0oted.G he says and ad+usts his weight again& >e *all silent. and - close my eyes& - stare into the $lackness $ehind my lids and work on rela;ing my $ody. trying to erase all thought *rom my mind& -t/s not easy& 4ust as - *ind that precious precipice o* sleep. Cane/s #oice pulls me $ack& ESeriously?G - groan& E>haaat?G EHou/re $alancing yoursel* on the edge o* the $ed like - ha#e the plague& This thing is $ig enough to hold twenty peopleA mo#e o#er *or Christ sakeF Hou/re making me ner#ous&G -t didn/t register until now. $ut - am teetering precariously near the edge& A su$conscious mo#e. -/m sure& E-ts *ine.G - hu** and plump my pillow& E-/m per*ectly com*orta$le&G EAnd when you *all asleep and roll o** the side?G E-/ll wake up and you/ll laugh.G - say. closing my eyes again& @e lets out an e;asperated sigh and mo#esA -/m sure turning away *rom me& - decide that my location is kind o* silly and slide $ack. conceding an inch or two& At least -/m a$le to pull my knee up to the side now& EThat/s so much $etter.G he grum$les& - decide to ignore him and pretend he doesn/t e;ist& There/s no other way -/ll get to sleep i* don/t& -t takes longer than necessary. $ut e#entually - dri*t o**. welcoming sleep/s mindless em$race&

Sunlight $lasts my *ace. making me sDuint. e#en though my eyes are still closed& - mo#e and stretch. reaching my arms a$o#e my head and pushing my legs in the opposite direction& >hen - peel my eyelids open. - *ind that -/m alone in the middle o* the $ed with a pillow under my head and one at each side& Hikes& Cid - take o#er the place during the night? - sit up and $link at the sunlight streaming in through the glass doors& - glance at the $edside ta$le and see that it/s nearly noon& 0oonF Throwing the $lankets aside. - push mysel* o** the $ed and pull my Epa+amasG down to co#er my $ehind& - walk to the $athroom and Duickly $rush my teeth and hair. then head out o* the room in search o* Cane& - *ind him outside $y the pool. lying in a lounge chair. and eating an apple& @e looks at me o#er his sunglasses& EAh& She li#es&G - take a seat $y his *eet at the end o* the chaise& E-t/s late& >hy didn/t you wake me?G ETried.G he smirks& EHou were snoring&G My mouth *alls open& E- don/t snoreFG @e takes a $ite o* his apple and grins& EHou so snore&G - cross my arms and de*end mysel*& E- ha#en/t gotten much sleep o#er the last *ew days&G @e tilts his head& E>hy is that?G - rela; my arms and my shoulders sag& E@ow much did 4ames tell you?G @e pretends to think a$out it& EHou mean a*ter he appeared and scared the hell out o* me or during our car trip across the state?G

- gi#e him a sympathetic look& - *ainted the *irst time - saw 4ames as a Guardian. $y all accounts he/s handling this really well& Cane sets his el$ow on the armrest and pushes himsel* higher on the lounge& E@e introduced himsel* and said a *ew choice words to make me $elie#e him& Then he said that you needed me&G - *eel my *orehead pinch& ECidn/t you ask any Duestions?G E@e said there was trou$leA that you had to disappear and he could no longer $e near you& @e didn/t want you to $e alone and thought - might $e up *or the +o$&G @e raises an eye$row& ECare to enlighten me as to how he got that impression?G @e takes another $ite& - gi#e him a dry look as he chews& EHou already know&G @e pauses and regards me *or a moment& ECo -?G - sigh& E>e *ight a$out you a lot&G @e looks impressed& E<eally?G EAll the time&G E@uh.G he says and looks toward the pool& @e smiles. clearly en+oying this. and turns $ack to me& E>hat do you *ight a$out e;actly?G - shoot him an e;asperated look and he shrugs& - know what he/s trying to doA he/s trying to get me to admit that - ha#e *eelings *or him& -t/s the same discussion we ha#e e#ery time we/re alone together& @ow did we go *rom my lack o* sleep to this? E@e/s around a lot. okay? @e/s seen +ust a$out e#erything $etween us&G E@e said he was there the night you were attacked&G - nod& ECid he see our last talk? A*ter the dinner?G E@e was there&G ECid he see our *irst kiss?G EHes&G ECid he see our last kiss?G - roll my eyes& E@e was in your $ackseat&G 2ausing to think. he sets the apple core on the ground and mo#es *orward on the chair. turning his $ody. so he/s sitting ne;t to me& ESo. let me get this straight& Because o* this trou$le. he can/t watch you or #isit you or anything?G - wrap my arms around mysel* and look away *rom him. out toward the pa#ilion that should ha#e $een my room& EHeah&G - can *eel his stare $e*ore - *eel his touch& @e tucks a piece o* hair $ehind my ear. and - turn to *ace him. noticing he/s taken o** his sunglasses& ESorry& My hair is cra(y&G - automatically reach $ack and smooth it. pulling it o#er my shoulder& @is ha(el eyes lock on mine and - *ree(e. knowing what/s going to happen ne;t& -* -/m at all honest with mysel*. - should ha#e seen this coming& -t was only a matter o* time& @e leans *orward and places a gentle kiss on my lips& >hen - allow this to happen. he sets his hand against the side o* my neck and kisses me harder& >armth tra#els *rom head to my toes as - wrap my hand around his wrist and kiss him $ack& @is #oice replays in my mind M $He can%t &atch you or visit you or anything'( M and my eyes *ly open& - *eel $ad a$out taking ad#antage o* the situation and pull away *rom him. meeting his Duestioning e;pression with a de*eated one o* my own& E4ames is my Guardian.G - say Duietly& ESo?G

@e has no idea the depth o* the situation& ECo you e#en know what a Guardian is?G @e leans *orward and looks directly into my eyes& EEmma. -/#e known a$out Guardians since - was *ourteen years old&G

Chapter 24
-/m dum$*ounded& ESay again?G E-/#e known a$out Guardians since - was *ourteen.G he repeats himsel*& ESince my mom died&G - stare into his eyes as my heart pounds& EShe/s a Guardian?G E0ot anymore& She was released this summer&G - look down as - try to collect my thoughts& To think that -/#e $een cra#ing to speak with someone a$out 4ames and that someone turns out to $e Cane? Lor so long -/#e wanted to $e a$le to talk a$out what/s going on and how to cope with it& My eyes *lash $ack to him& E- wish had known this sooner&G @e gi#es me an empathetic smile& E0o wonder you didn/t ha#e a pro$lem $elie#ing 4ames&G E@e knew - wouldn/t.G he says and sets his el$ows on his knees& E@e knew my mother& Jsing her name was all it took to con#ince me that - wasn/t going cra(y&G The knowledge that he has $een in my shoes peaks my curiosity& E>hat was her name?G EE#elyn.G he smiles& E>hen did she start #isiting you?G EA$out a year a*ter she died& At *irst - thought my mind was playing tricks on me& - was +ust a kid. a*ter all& - tried to talk to my dad a$out it. $utIG his #oice *ades and his +aw tenses& E-t didn/t go well?G @e sco**s& EThat/s an understatement& @e put me directly into therapy and let them dope me up on some stupid medication&G @e grimaces& E- learned pretty Duickly to shut up a$out things&G My *ace twists& EThat/s aw*ul&G EHeah. well. let/s +ust say our relationship went downhill *rom there&G - *eel terri$le *or him& @e was so youngA - can/t imagine how hard that must ha#e $een to deal with& Cane notices my concern& E@ey.G he gi#es me a small smile. Eit/s all good& My mom helped me work through things and to understand& She didn/t want to $e away *rom her only child. so she chose to $e a Guardian& She *ul*illed her duties and checked on me *rom time to time& - still had her in my li*e& - wouldn/t change that *or anything&G E- wish - could ha#e met her& >ere you sad when she was released?G @e shakes his head and smiles& EA little. $ut she had to go sometime& She was released $y her true lo#e& >hat could $e $etter than that?G My smile *ades into con*usion& E>ait& @ow was she released i* your dad is still ali#e?G E4ohn let her go.G he says& E@e passed away this August& @e and my mom were ha#ing an a**air $e*ore she died&G My mouth *alls open& E@ow did you know?G E>e *ound out shortly $e*ore she was diagnosed& She was going to lea#e my *ather& Then. the cancer hit. and e#erything happened pretty *ast& That/s a $ig part o* why she stayed.G he says& EShe *elt $ad a$out how things were le*t $etween us&G

- gi#e him a sympathetic look. then rest my head on his shoulder& EThat/s why 4ames stayed. too& The night he died. we *ought& @e didn/t want to lea#e things that way& @e didn/t want to lea#e me&G Cane reaches *or my hand and wea#es his *ingers through mine& E- wish our story could ha#e a happy ending like yours and your mom/s&G E>hy can/t it?G he asks so*tly& E-* you two can/t $e together. at least he/s still in your li*e. right?G - raise my head& EHou sound like Garrett& -t/s not that simple&G @e gi#es me a wary look& EGarrett? The guy at the airport?G - nod& EThe guy who is almost human? The one you said wasn/t hot?G - smile as - remem$er my mistaken te;t messages& EThat/s the one&G @e gi#es me an irritated look& EHou lied&G EA$out what?G E@is looks&G - roll my eyes& E2lease& Garrett is not hot&G ESays who?G ESays meFG @e *rowns& E- didn/t like *inding you curled up against him on that $ench& Lirst 4ames shows up and then this Garrett guy is all o#er you MG E>hoa&G - pull my hand *rom his and sit $ack& E@e wasn/t all o#er meF - was tired and he o**ered a shoulder. that/s all& Besides. we/re $arely speaking a*ter what he did&G EHou mean the whole assigning you to 4ames to $ecome human thing?G - look at Cane. impressed& E4ames told you a lot&G @e smirks& E-t was a long dri#e&G EThen you know.G - say. e;asperated& EThings $etween 4ames and - aren/t simpleF E#ery time we see each other we/re reminded o* what we can/t ha#e& 0ot +ust in this li*e. $ut in the ne;t& -/m his >ardA - can/t release him& @e/s stuck in the -ntermediate until - die. and thenIG hesitate& EAnd then may$e he/ll ha#e a chance at $eing human again& >ithout me&G Cane searches my *ace. thinking a$out what -/#e said and how to respond& @e can/t dispute the truth& My heart is $rokenA there/s no Duick *i;& E)isten.G he *inally says. his eyes locking on mine& E- know what you and 4ames had was real& 2art o* your heart will always $elong to him& But. -/m a *irm $elie#er in *ate& >hat happened was meant to happen& Hou ha#e to $elie#e that. *or whate#er reason. it was meant to $e& Hou can/t change it. $ut you can learn to li#e with it& Trust me. o#er time. things &ill get easier&G - look down as he reaches o#er and winds his hand around mine again& All - want to do is *eel like mysel*. like - did $e*ore 4ames had his accident and e#erything went to hell& E- +ust want to *eel $etter.G - say as - *i;ate on our locked *ingers& E-s that really too much to ask *or?G @e runs his thum$ across the $ack o* my hand& E0ot at all& -/#e had ele#en years to wrap my mind around the -ntermediate. and - still don/t get it& Hou/#e had what? Si; months?G - look up and gi#e him a tiny smile& ESe#en&G E=h. well then. that makes a di**erence&G @e smiles $ack&

>e sit in silence *or a *ew moments& - look around the patio. taking in the stonework. the palm trees. and the potted hi$iscus& @ow is it that - ended up in paradise under these circumstances? )i*e sure is a *unny thing. and - don/t mean *unny ha,ha& E@ere/s what - propose.G Cane says. pulling my attention $ack to him& E)et/s make a pact to li#e the most normal li#es anyone has e#er li#ed&G E@ow?G EBy keeping each other *ocused on the *uture and not the past& Hou need to *inish your classes. and - need to *ind a new +o$&G E- still can/t $elie#e you DuitFG - admonish him& E>hat were you thinking?G E- had to cut all ties.G he says& ETeagan should get the hint now that -/#e #oluntarily resigned& She has nothing le*t to hold o#er me&G - tilt my head& EShe still won/t let you go?G @e grins& ECan you $lame her?G - roll my eyes and pull my hand away *rom his& ESo. where do you think - should start? ha#e to lie to my instructors. lie to my parents& - should pro$a$ly throw a couple o* lies to Shel and MattIG E- say we start with getting you dressed.G he says& E>e can $egin our normal li#es with a normal trip to the grocery store& -/m star#ing&G - nod and stand& EA$out that. -/m going to need to stop somewhere and get some clothes& E#erything - $rought is way too warm&G - eye his khaki cargo shorts and shoot him an annoyed look& EHou. on the other hand. are completely prepared&G E@ey. - can/t help it - sa#ed the day with a prepaid #acation.G he says and swings his *eet $ack up to lounge on the chair& EBut - agree& Hou do need some di**erent clothes and pa+amas&G E>hat?G - look o#er my makeshi*t p+/s& EHou don/t like me wearing your shirt?G E4ust the opposite.G he says and slides his sunglasses on& E- like it too much&G

-n the $athroom. - stare at mysel* as - try to contain my unruly hair& The humidity is making it curl. which is unusual *or meA -/#e ne#er $een in such a warm climate $e*ore to know it would do this& - mean. occasionally -/d get a curl here or there in the summer at home. $ut this is *ull on wa#es& - sigh as - pull it $ack into a ponytail *or the third time. trying to con#ince mysel* that no one cares how - look $ut me& >hen - lea#e the $edroom. - *ind Cane leaning impatiently against the couch with his arms crossed& @e gi#es me a once o#er& E>here/d you get the shorts?G - hold up my hand to re#eal the scissors - *ound in the kitchen& E=ld pair o* +eans.G - e;plain and walk around the $reak*ast $ar to put the scissors $ack& E- thought you were rela;ing outside&G E- was until - reali(ed you were taking *ore#er and my stomach started to eat itsel*& Are you ready?G EHeah&G - pick my purse up o** the counter and gra$ a pear out o* the Congratulations4 *ruit $asket& E)et/s go&G Cane tells me he/s taking us to Charlotte Amalie. where there are plenty o* places to shop& roll the window down and ni$$le on my pear as he dri#es& The *ruit is kind o* mushy and unappeti(ing. making me want something more su$stantial& ECan we stop *or lunch?G - ask&

EThat will $e the *irst thing we do.G he says and pats his stomach& The *arther we dri#e. - reali(e that he knows e;actly where he/s going without any help& E>hen were you here last?G EA$out three years ago&G E=n #acation?G @e nods& E>e took a cruise *rom Miami and docked here *or two days& >e were supposed to see the whole Cari$$ean. $ut we liked St& Thomas so much we ended up staying.G he says& E>e caught the ne;t ship that came into port a week later&G E>e?G - raise my eye$rows& @e glances at me out o* the corner o* his eye& ETeagan and me&G =* course he would $e #acationing with his e;,*iancQe& My *ace automatically wants to e;press how - *eel a$out her. $ut - manage to remain impassi#e& ESounds like you had a good time&G - take another $ite o* my mushy pear& @e ignores me and concentrates on the road& >hen we pull into the city it/s $usy with tourists. $ut Cane has no pro$lem *inding a parking spot *or the roller skate& As we walk along the street. - can see that the town $acks up to the coast. where sail$oats dot the water and two large cruise ships sit in port& >e pass se#eral small shops and $outiDues housed in historic looking $uildings until Cane turns down an alleyway& - *ollow him until we end up at a restaurant called Gladys/ Ca*Q. where he holds the door *or me& -nside. - *ind a co(y place with a mahogany $ar and nati#e stone walls& Appeti(ing smells wa*t through the room. and Sinatra plays in the $ackground& EThe *ood here is ama(ing.G he says as we/re led to a small ta$le near the *ront window& EHou should try something local&G - pick up the menu and e#entually settle on the cra$ and a#ocado saladA -/m not sure -/m $ra#e enough to try the curried goat& Cane chooses a Grouper sandwich then we sit and wait& sip my water as my stomach growls& - can/t remem$er the last time - had an actual meal& ESo. where do you want to start?G Cane asks& - set my glass down& E>ith what?G EShopping& >e can hit some o* the stores here and then head outside o* town to 'mart MG ESt& Thomas has a 'mart?G That sounds so odd to me& @e nods& E>e can get groceries there or this other place like Costco& - *orget the name&G - think a$out all the cute shops that we passed& 0ormally -/m not a *an o* shopping. $ut -/d like to see what they ha#e& E)et/s start here.G - say. Eand support the local economy&G @e smiles& Mentioning money reminds me& @ow much do - ha#e to spend? My checking account had around S2 in it when - le*t yesterday& - need to trans*er some cash& - pull out my phone& E>ho are you calling?G EMy $ank.G - say and dial the automated line& E-/m going to need some money&G @e *rowns& ECon/t worry a$out it&G - gi#e him a condescending stare as - listen to the ro$otic #oice& EThank you *or calling State Bank& Enter your account num$er&G - press the $uttons& EThank you& 2ress one *or $alance in*ormation& 2ress twoIG - press one& E2lease wait&G - tap my *ingers on the ta$le& - ha#e S6. in my sa#ings& - should pro$a$ly trans*er at least a thousand to get me through today and the ne;t *ew weeks o* groceries and gasI The $ank #oice interrupts my thoughts& EHour current $alance is S" .!:9&62& Thank you *or calling State Bank& -* you would like to repeat this

in*ormation. press three& -* you would like to trans*erIG - slowly press three& EHour current $alance is S" .!:9&62& Thank you *or calling State Bank& -* youIG - stare at the phone like it/s *oreign& Garrett said )ucas wanted to gi#e me some money& But thirty grand? That/s insaneF - can/t $elie#e there is that much money in my account& E>hat/s wrong?G Cane asks& E- said not to worry a$out it& -* you need MG E0o&G - shake my head and end the call& E- ha#e enough money&G EHou look con*used&G E- am.G - say and slide my phone $ack into my purse& - gra$ my water glass again& E)unch is on me&G )unch turns out to $e the $est salad - think -/#e e#er eaten& Cane knows $etter than to harass me a$out paying a*ter the incident at Mario/s last summer. and when we *inish our *ood and lea#e Gladys/. we ha#e happy stomachs and much more energy& >e head $ack out in the throng o* tourists. and - *ind a small $outiDue that looks interesting& E)et/s stop here&G -nside we *ind racks o* sundresses and swimsuits. t,shirts. hats and $ags. scar#es. and sunglasses& - immediately head to the swimsuits& - didn/t $ring one and there is no way -/m not getting in that pool& - thum$ through the rack as Cane heads to the opposite side& E#erything looks so tiny& wander down the aisle. looking *or something with more material& EHou should get this&G Cane smiles as he holds up what - think is a $ikini& All - know is that it/s red and has three triangles& ECe*initely not.G - say sarcastically& - continue to look through the suits until - stum$le upon the men/s wear& - laugh as - pluck a *luorescent yellow Speedo o** the rack and hold it up& E-/ll $uy that i* you get this&G @e makes a disgusted *ace& E0o man looks good in a Speedo&G Actually. - agree. $ut this could $e *un& @e wants me to wear skimpy clothes? E=h. - don/t know.G - say and look at the suit& ESome men might&G - pretend to think& EChanning Tatum. *or e;ample& @e would pro$a$ly look good in this&G EJghF 0ot you too&G @e gi#es me a dry look& E>hat is it with that guy? -s e#ery woman in lo#e with him?G - shrug& E2ossi$ly&G E>hy?G - shoot him a look like it should $e o$#ious and tick the reasons o** on my *ree hand& E)et/s see& @is *ace. his a$s. his laugh. his acting. he can dance M that/s a $ig one MG E=kay. okay. enough.G he stops me& EHou/re running out o* *ingers&G - laugh and put the Speedo $ack& As - continue to peruse the suits. Cane asks. E>omen really like guys who can dance?G - stare at him o#er the rack. completely serious& EA$solutely& Cancing is hot&G E#entually. - do *ind a suit. a na#y $lue two,piece with a top that ties around the neck and stops +ust $elow my ri$ cage& - also $uy some *lip *lops and sunglasses $e*ore heading to the ne;t store& -t Duickly $ecomes apparent that these small shops hold primarily touristy,type items. and -/m not going to *ind anything utilitarian. like pa+amas& - manage to *ind two sundresses that are cute. and then call it Duits& >e head to the 'mart *or groceries. and. - hope. shorts and p+/s& )uckily. the 'mart on the island is huge and has e#ery department. including its own restaurant& - send Cane *or groceries while - head to the clothing section& - Duickly *ind shorts.

collecting se#eral pair. and t,shirts that don/t say St. Thomas 6irgin Islands on them& - also gra$ two sets o* pa+amas. tank tops with sleep shorts& As - pass the lingerie department. my mind actually considers purchasing new underwear& My conscience immediately chastises itsel*. and - continue walking& There is no reason that - need new underwear& A$solutely none& - run into Cane as - head to the market section o* the store. and -/m pleased to *ind that he has a cart *ull o* actual *ood. not +ust Twinkies and 'ra*t Mac and Cheese& - see eggs. $acon. #egeta$les. milk. orange +uice. lunch meat. $read. cereal. chicken. pork chops. and e#en steak& silently hope he knows how to cook that $ecause - don/t& By the time we arri#e $ack at the rental house and get e#erything unloaded. it/s nearly eight o/clock& - put o** the una#oida$le task o* lying to my *riends and *amily $y meticulously cutting o** the tags o* my purchases and trying things on& E#erything *its. $ut really. - knew that& E#entually - shower. change into my new pa+amas. and pick up my laptop and phone& - gra$ some grapes to snack on and head outside *or two reasonsB =ne is to en+oy the last rays o* the day/s sun. and the other is to complete the ine#ita$le task o* contacting home. alone& Cane looks away *rom the TK as - open the sliding door& E>hat are you doing?G E@eading out to lie to my instructors and my *amily.G - say and nod toward my laptop& E>ish me luck&G - make my way to one o* the lounge chairs $y the pool and sit down& - turn on my computer. set it in *ront o* me. and cross my legs to wait while it loads& =nce it/s ready. - open my email and read through what/s there. sa#ing what/s important and deleting the rest& - sigh when -/m *inished and $egrudgingly compose new messages. one to each o* my instructors& $latantly lie. telling them an une;pected *amily emergency occurred which has called me out o* town *or the rest o* the semester& - ask *or their permission to su$mit my remaining assignments online and attach those that - ha#e already completed as proo* o* my good intentions& - *inish $y asking them to send me any remaining e;ams #ia email. with the *ull understanding that they do not ha#e to go out o* their way *or me& -* - can/t take the tests. hope*ully my homework and e;isting grades will allow me to at least pass each class& =nce the emails ha#e $een sent. - turn the computer o** and pick up the phone& The *amily emergency e;cuse won/t work with Shel and my parents& - stare at my cell as my mind spins& >hat can - tell them? >hat would suddenly pull me out o* town. especially through the holidays? My mom is going to *lip out when she learns - won/t $e home *or Thanksgi#ing or Christmas& - lie $ack in the chaise and hold my phone to my chest& Think. think. think& >here else could - $e? >hat might they $elie#e? A thought +umps into my $rain& - dial Shel/s num$er *irst& The phone rings and rings& 0o answer& -t/s Saturday nightA she/s pro$a$ly out with Matt& >hen - get her #oice mail. - try out my e;cuse *or the *irst time and attempt to sound e;cited. not *ake& EShel. it/s Em& Guess what? >estern chose me *or a study a$road tripF -/m lea#ing tomorrow *orIG - hesitate& >here in the heck am - going? - pick the *irst place that pops into my head& E-relandF -/ll $e in -reland *or the rest o* the semester. may$e longer&G - decide to create more lies& EThey told us cell reception is spotty o#er there. $ut call me when you get this& My email works. though. so you can email me too& Actually. email is pro$a$ly $etter&G - pause to think& E-/ll gi#e you the details when we talk& - ha#e to get o** the phone and start packing& This happened so *astF Take care o* Matt and let him know too. please& -/ll miss you guys and -/ll talk to you soon& Bye&G

- hang up and $reathe& - don/t know how good o* a +o$ - +ust did& - hate lying& -/m aw*ul at it& )ying to my parents is going to $e worse& - let my pounding heart calm a little $e*ore - dial home& May$e my parents are out too. and -/ll get the answering machine& 0o such luck& E@ello?G -t/s my mom& E@ey. Mom&G My #oice wa#ers and she can hear it& E>hat/s wrong?G she immediately asks& There/s no *ooling her& - try to sound up$eat& E0othing/s wrongF Actually. - ha#e some pretty e;citing news&G EHou/re pregnant.G she says in a dry tone& E>hat? 0oF MomF Come onFG E>ell?G - can hear the smile in her #oice& ESomething/s up& -/m your mother. - know these things&G - take a deep $reath& E-/#e $een selected $y the school *or a study a$road trip&G EThat/s greatFG my mom e;claims& E@ow/d that happen?G =h $oy& More lies& EJm. a student that was supposed to go couldn/t. so my ad#isor nominated me&G E>here are you headed?G E-reland&G E<eally?G She sounds impressed& - hear mo#ement against the phone& ECale. guess what? Hour daughter has $een selected to study a$road in -relandFG - can hear him say something in the $ackground& -t sounds like E>ow& >hen?G My mom comes $ack to me& EHeah. when? 0e;t semester?G E0o. mom. actuallyIG my #oice *ades& E- lea#e tomorrow&G - can picture her *rown& ETomorrow?G E>ell. the trip/s $een planned *or awhile and - was +ust added& -/ll $e gone *or the rest o* the year&G At least& @er tone turns suspicious& E>hy would the school plan a trip in the middle o* the semester?G E- don/t know&G - shake my head against the phone& E-/m +ust taking ad#antage o* the opportunity&G My mother pauses *or a moment then throws out my entire name& EEmma& )ynn& Conohue&G Shit& EHou mean to tell me that you are lea#ing the country tomorrow without any notice? Hou ha#e to ha#e time to planA you need a passportFG E- ha#e a passport.G - lie& ESince when?G ESince last year&G ESo your *ather and - won/t get to see you $e*ore you go? Hou/ll $e gone *or Christmas?G - can $arely *ind my #oice& EHes&G EEmma. - don/t like this.G my mom says. irritated& E>e hardly get to see you as it is. and now you/ll $e gone *or the holidays?G E- don/t like the timing either&G - try to de*end my *alse story& EBut this is a once in a li*etime chance& The school/s paying *or e#erythingA how would it look i* - said no? - was nominated&G

She sighs loudly then silence is hea#y o#er the phone& >hen she $reaks it. what she says crushes my heart& E- *eel like you/re lying to me&G That%s /ecause I am. my mind responds& @ow can - put her at ease? E>ould you like to talk to the ad#isor?G - ask& Cane will do an impersonation *or me& E- can ha#e him call you tomorrow when we lea#e& >ill that help?G She doesn/t immediately respond. and - don/t know what else to say& She doesn/t deser#e to $e *ed this silly story. $ut the truth is un$elie#a$le and out o* the Duestion& ECan we call you while you/re gone?G she *inally asks& E=* course& And you can email. too&G E>hat time do you lea#e tomorrow?G EEarly& Si; a&m&G ELrom 'alama(oo?G EHes&G E- still can/t $elie#e you waited until now to tell us.G she says& E>hen did you *ind out?G EHesterday.G - whisper& EHesterday?FG She sounds upset& EEmma. what in the world is going on?G EMom. please.G - almost $eg& ESupport me in this& - promise you it/s the $est decision *or me to make right now& - need to get out o* here&G -t/s time to play the 4ames card. e#en though didn/t know - had a 4ames card to play& EThis campus. the memories. what was supposed to $eI -/m su**ocating& - need to *inish school. and - will get credit *or this trip& - need to graduate and get the hell out o* here&G 0ormally. - don/t swear around my parents. $ut may$e my curse will relay the seriousness o* what - say& All o* this is true& E- knew you shouldn/t ha#e gone $ack there so soon.G she says with regret& E@oney. why didn/t you talk to me a$out this sooner? >e could ha#e made arrangementsA you could ha#e taken a semester o**& -t/s not like your dad and - were kicking you out o* the house&G E- know.G - say. holding $ack tears& E)isten. - really ha#e to go& - need to pack&G E>hat a$out the cat?G she asks& E>ho/s watching )B?G EMy neigh$or Garrett/s taking her&G She sighs again& E-/m worried a$out you& Hou know that right? - want you to call and email me e#ery chance you get&G E- will.G - promise& EStarting with tomorrow& - want a phone call when you land. got it?G EHes. ma/am&G - almost smile& E-/m going to miss you&G E-/m going to miss you. too& - already do.G she says& E- lo#e you&G E- lo#e you. too&G ECo you want to talk to your *ather?G - don/t think - can handle anymore right now& E0o. Mom. -/m already emotional& Tell him lo#e him and -/ll miss him M and -/ll drink some authentic -rish ale *or him& Tell Mike. too&G She manages a small laugh& E- will&G She pauses *or a moment& ETake care o* yoursel*. Em& -/m serious& -* that means you come home early. you come home early& -/ll *ly o#er there and get you i* - ha#e to&G E- know you would.G - say as a tear tra#els down my cheek& - wipe it away and clear my throat& E- ha#e to go& - lo#e you& -/ll talk to you soon&G ETomorrow.G she reminds me& EHes. tomorrow&G

E=kay& @a#e a sa*e *light&G E- will. Mom& Bye&G - hang up $e*ore she can keep me any longer& - drop the phone onto the chair and stare out past the patio toward the ocean& The tears - was holding $ack trail silently down my *ace& - want to $e home *or ChristmasA - want to $e home *or Thanksgi#ing& want to $e home now& E@ey&G - look o#er my shoulder and *ind Cane standing a *ew *eet $ehind me& - wipe my cheeks& E@ow long ha#e you $een there?G EA minute.G he says with a sad e;pression& @e walks o#er to where -/m sitting and kneels $eside me& @e reaches out and wipes a tear *rom my chin& E- hate it when you cry&G - shrug. de*eated& EMo#e o#er.G he says and picks up my laptop and phone to set them on the ground& - slide o#er against the armrest o* the lounge. and he takes a seat ne;t to me. stretching out in the chair& -t/s a tight *it& @e wraps his arms around me and pulls me o#er him. against his chest& tuck my head under his chin and wea#e one leg through his. so we ha#e enough room& As my tears continue to wind their way down my *ace. he ru$s my $ack& E- don/t want you to $e misera$le.G he says Duietly& ETell me what - can do& -/ll $e whate#er you need&G EHou can/t.G - mum$le against him& ETry me&G ECan you $e my home?G - ask into his chest& -t/s a silly reDuest and one that doesn/t Duite make sense& @e sDuee(es me tightly and doesn/t e#en Duestion it& EA$solutely&G

Chapter 25
-ne#ita$ly. time passes& =ne week later. - sit at the dining ta$le swirling the remains o* my cereal around in my $owl& - need to get moti#atedA - ha#e two tests to take today& Thank*ully. all o* my instructors responded to my email in a positi#e way. sa#e one& Mr& Carlos will allow me to su$mit my assignments online. $ut not take the tests& @e says it wouldn/t $e *air. since - ha#e access to my materials. $ut don/t ha#e access to a Esecure testing location&G >hate#er& My other teachers are working with me. and three out o* *our ain/t $ad& should ha#e no pro$lem passing this semester with at least a B a#erage& The door to the garage opens and closes $ehind me& EMorning&G - look o#er my shoulder& EGood morning&G - un*old my legs *rom under me and slide o** the chair& ECo you want $reak*ast?G Cane walks toward me. pulling o** his sweaty shirt& E>hat are you making?G ELrosted Llakes.G - say and hold up my $owl& E-t/s a #ery complicated procedure&G @e pouts& EAww& - was hoping *or real *ood like an omelet&G - roll my eyes as - walk into the kitchen& EHou/re on your own&G - reach the sink and turn on the *aucet to rinse my $owl& E@ow was your run?G Cane was $ig into cross country in high school and he/s decided to take it up again. now that he has nothing $etter to do& EGreat.G he says as he stands opposite me across the $reak*ast $ar& EHou should +oin me& -t/s cathartic&G -/m the $iggest wuss when it comes to any kind o* endurance sport& E- told you $e*oreA won/t e#en make it hal* way& Hou/d ha#e to carry me $ack&G @e places his hands against the countertop and leans *orward& EAnd that would $e $ad why?G EShut up&G - shake my head and place my $owl in the dish drainer& The day wouldn/t $e complete without some sort o* smart comment coming out o* his mouth& - lea#e the water running and decide to wash the *ew dishes that remain in the sink& There/s not many. +ust a *ew glasses and the $owl that held the popcorn& )ast night was mo#ie night& 89 Jum# Street was on TK& - $lush as - remem$er the constant ri$$ing Cane ga#e me o#er watching Channing Tatum& @e walks around the $reak*ast $ar and opens the re*rigerator. pulling out the orange +uice& @e sets it on the counter $eside me and then places his hands on my hips *rom $ehind. making me +ump& E>hat are you doing?G @e leans around me to gra$ one o* the glasses - +ust washed out o* the dish rack& EGetting a glass&G EThere/s a whole cup$oard o* clean glasses $ehind you&G E- know.G he grins& - shoot him a condescending look& ECo we need to ha#e a con#ersation a$out good touch. $ad touch?G @e places an innocent kiss on my cheek& ETouching you could ne#er $e $ad&G @e picks up a glass and steps to the side. remo#ing his other hand *rom my hip& As he pours the +uice my *ace *lushes& @e/s upped the ante on the innuendo today& - *inish washing the popcorn $owl and turn o** the *aucet& EAre you headed to the shower or do - ha#e a *ew minutes? - want to get dressed $e*ore - take my tests&G

@e swallows& EHou know. the $eauty o* online classes is that you can take your tests in whate#er you ha#e on&G E- *eel more prepared when -/m presenta$le&G Actually. - +ust want to get out o* my pa+amas& -/m *eeling particularly #ulnera$le all o* a sudden& @e tilts his head& EHes. right now you are a complete mess& -n *act you are so unpresenta$le. - think you need a shower&G @e sets down his glass& E-/ll +oin you&G My mouth *alls open& E>hat has gotten into you?G @e laughs& E- +ust had a good run. that/s all&G - gi#e him a wary look& E-/m going to get dressed&G @e picks up his glass again& E=kay& -/m going to make $acon&G - turn toward the $edroom and then stop when - see his wet t,shirt lying on the counter& E2ick that up.G - say and make a *ace& E-t/s gross&G @e leans across the counter and gra$s his shirt& Satis*ied. - head to the $edroom& ,HAC74 @is sweaty shirt hits me sDuarely in the $ack. and - stop in my tracks& - turn around and catch him trying to hide his grin $ehind his glass like nothing happened& Apparently. today. we/#e stepped $ack in time to kindergarten& - $end down slowly. pick his shirt o** the *loor with two *ingers. and raise an eye$row& EThat/s how you want to play?G @e shrugs& - can/t launch the shirt at him $ecause it will only make it hal* the distance& - don/t ha#e many options standing here in the hallway. so - decide to $ide my time& EHou ha#e no idea what you +ust started.G - threaten and narrow my eyes& E>atch your $ack. >alker&G E-s that a promise?G - gi#e him an adamant nod and then carry his shirt into the $edroom& As - close the door $ehind me. - can hear him laugh&

)ater that a*ternoon. a*ter -/#e read a *ew chapters and taken my tests. - lounge on the couch. sur*ing the internet& -/m sleepy today& - don/t know whyA -/#e slept like a rock the past *ew nights& May$e - toss in my sleep more than - reali(e& Cane hasn/t said anything thoughA you/d think he would i* -/d accidentally kicked him or something& My thoughts turn to pay$ack *or earlier today. and -/m +ust a$out to Google pranks when he comes through the sliding door& EAre you *inished yet?G EHep&G - sit up& ECo you need the computer?G @e nods& E- want to work on *i;ing those pictures *or your mom&G My mother has reDuested that - send her photos o* -reland& Since - can/t do that *or real. Cane. master graphic designer that he is. $ought 2hotoshop and has $een working with the program and some images we pulled o** the internet& @e has *our pictures *inished where he/s imposed me *rom photos - had on my phone to stock photos o* popular sites in -reland& @e wants to do a *ew more. so - can send her a couple at a time& Sitting down ne;t to me. he takes o#er my laptop and sets it on the co**ee ta$le& E>here/s the mouse?G he asks& - reach into my computer $ag on the *loor and pull out my little pink wireless mouseA it/s *unny to watch him use it& ECid you call your mom today?G he asks while he connects the mouse JSB&

E0ope& - emailed her& And Shel&G @e ne#er lets me *orget to contact them e#ery couple o* days& EMatt called.G he says a$sentmindedly while he opens 2hotoshop& E@e wanted to know i* wanted to go to the $ar& - guess Shel/s $usy tonight&G E>hat/d you tell him?G EThat - was still out o* town.G he says and clicks the *ile he wants& @e looks at me& E@e mentioned that you were in -reland& - guess he thought -/d want to know&G - smile& E-reland is unseasona$ly warm and sunny *or this time o* year& Hou should +oin me there&G @e smirks& EAlready done&G @e looks $ack at the screen and sets to work magni*ying and dragging and clicking& - ha#e no idea how any o* this program works& - lean *orward to watch him and set my chin on my hand& EHou know. you could go home& Hou don/t ha#e to stay here&G @e *rowns at the screen& ECo you want me to lea#e?G E0o.G - say a$ruptly and shake my head& EBut. may$e you should make an appearance and then come $ack& @ow long can you use the Nout o* town *or work/ e;cuse? Especially since you no longer ha#e a +o$&G @e says nothing& The idea o* not ha#ing him around makes me sad. $ut - ha#e to consider what/s $est *or him and our ruse& EBesides. your *amily will want you around *or the holidays& - can stay here and hold down the *ort& Hou could go home and cele$rate and then come $ack to me&G E)ea#ing you is out o* the Duestion.G he says& EMy *amily and - aren/t close& -t/s not a $ig deal i* - miss Christmas&G - *ind this incredi$ly sad and my *ace shows it& >hen he looks at me he notices and sighs& E)isten. this is how it works in my *amily& My dad and my stepmother will ha#e a huge dinner Christmas E#e& They will in#ite e#eryone in#ol#ed with Bay >oodsA that/s a$out a hundred people& They/ll spend the night ho$no$$ing with $usiness associates and employees who really don/t want to $e there $ut *eel o$ligated to attend $ecause my dad is their $oss& - will hang in the $ackground. as - usually do. with a *ake smile plastered on my *ace and answer the same Duestion a thousand times&G E)et me guess.G - say& E>hy aren/t you working at the gol* course?G EE;actly& Then. a*ter the catered spread is gone and the liDuor starts to dry up. the guests will lea#e to spend time with their own *amilies& My dad will ceremoniously hand me a check. his gi*t to me e#ery year. and -/ll wake up Christmas morning like it/s any other day& The End&G E- don/t like that.G - say& EMe either&G >e stare at each other *or a *ew moments and then he turns $ack to my laptop& immediately regret $ringing up the su$+ect& May$e we could start a new tradition this Christmas& Cecorate a palm tree or something& ESo. will we $e here in Cecem$er?G - ask& E>e can $e& - rented the place *or a month. $ut the agreement can $e e;tended&G @e looks at me again& E=r we could mo#e on to somewhere new& This may $e your chance to tra#el the world&G @e smiles& ESounds tempting&G E>ell. we ha#e three weeks to decide.G he says and goes $ack to clicking&

- try to watch him work. $ut it/s $oring and - keep yawning& E-/m going to go lay down& -/m tired *or some reason&G @e nods. concentrating on the screen. and - stand to walk around him& - pass the sliding doors and eye the hammock strung $etween two palm trees on the patio& - ha#e yet to use that& - change direction and head outside to crawl into it *or my late a*ternoon siesta& -t takes me three tries. $ut - *inally *ind mysel* in the middle o* it without *eeling like -/m going to *all out& The hammock is made *rom a solid sheet o* *a$ric. not rope. and it wraps around my $ody slightly& The sun warms my skin and the gentle $ree(e rocks me as - close my eyes and settle in& My mind turns to thoughts o* 4ames and Garrett and where they may $e and what they may $e doing& - think o* )B and hope she/s not gi#ing Garrett too much grie*. although he deser#es it& My thoughts wander and - try to imagine where -/ll $e in a month or two& There/s no place else -/d rather $e. e;cept *or home& - wouldn/t mind staying here& -t/s practically per*ect& >hen - open my eyes. - know time has passed $ecause the sun has shi*ted in the sky& - must ha#e do(ed o** *or an hour. may$e two& -/m hot *rom lying in the sun so long. and - *eel sticky& look to my right and notice Cane lying on his stomach. *loating on a ra*t in the pool& - try to get out o* the hammock grace*ully. $ut my muscles are sti** *rom $eing cradled in the same position *or so long& - hal* step,hal* tum$le out and catch my $alance $y gra$$ing on to the material& roll my eyes as - wait *or his teasing to $egin. $ut it doesn/t come& - walk o#er to the side o* the pool and stare at him& >hen he doesn/t so much as twitch a*ter se#eral minutes. - reali(e he/s asleep under his sunglasses& My mind *lashes to this morning and it/s hard to suppress my grin& This is too easy& - mo#e around the pool to where -/m closest to him& My plan is to +ump in and scare him. so he/ll *lip o** his ra*t& - crouch down and sit on the $alls o* my *eet. waiting *or him to *loat +ust a $it closer& But as - watch him. - hesitate& -/m not sure i* it/s *rom all the comments he/s $een throwing around today or what. $ut - take this pri#ate moment to look at him& - mean really study him& -t/s hard to *ind the right words to descri$e his appearance& @andsome? Beauti*ul? Good,looking? @ot? @e/s all o* those things& My eyes roam o#er the tanned length o* his $ody. and - wonder what in the hell is he doing here with me& 0o wonder Teagan is upset at losing him. #ain woman that she is& @e is arm candy& But. he/s also so much more than that& @e has one o* the kindest hearts -/#e e#er known& E- can see you.G he says out o* nowhere& CamnF <ather than show my em$arrassment. - tip my head and say. E=h. really? Can you see this?G And with that. - stand and launch mysel* into the pool. pulling my knees up and landing +ust to the side o* his ra*t& The splash *eels enormous. and -/m con*ident -/#e completed my mission& >hen - pop up *rom $eneath the water - see any empty ra*t *loating in *ront o* me& - know -/m in trou$le. so - swim as *ast as - can toward the stairs o* the pool& - *eel a hand gra(e my ankle and let out a yelp as - try to swim *aster& Carn clothesF They/re holding me $ackF By some miracle - manage to get to the steps and out o* the pool $e*ore he catches me& - turn around to *ace him. dripping& @e/s standing waist deep in the pool with his arms crossed. his sunglasses lost. and a smirk on his *ace& E- told you to watch your $ack.G - laugh and reach up to wring my hair& E)ooks like you were the one watching&G

>hate#er& - will not allow him to rattle me and take away my #ictory& EThis makes us e#en&G - point at him& EThat will teach you to throw around your stinky clothesFG EHou talk a good game.G he says and walks toward me& ECome here and show me you mean it&G - don/t think so& @e/s not luring me $ack into the water& All he has to do is get ahold o* me the right way and it/s o#erA $e*ore - know it. we/ll $e making out in the pool& - shake my head and look at mysel*& E- need to change&G - $ack toward the sliding door& E>e/re tiedA there/s nothing to pro#e&G >hen - reach the door. - turn around& E-/m hungry.G - shout to him& EHou want anything?G @e gi#es me an e;asperated stare. and - reali(e - +ust asked a loaded Duestion& - open the door and step inside $e*ore he can answer&

E@ello?G Cane answers his cell without looking at it& >e/#e +ust returned *rom a grocery run and my arms are *ull o* $ags& -t/s nearly the end o* second week together and we were +ust a$out out o* e#erything& -/m glad we made it $ack in time tooA the sky looks like it/s a$out to open up any minute and dump $uckets o* rain& E>hat?G he scowls into the phone& - set the $ags on the counter then turn around to help him $y taking the ones he is carrying& @e doesn/t look happy& EThat/s none o* your $usiness.G he snaps& - walk around the $reak*ast $ar. setting the remaining $ags on the island& - start to unload what we $ought and pull out the deli meat to put in the re*rigerator& - hear Cane sigh loudly. and when - look at him. he has his head down with his hand on his hip& E@e/s rightA - did Duit&G @e must $e speaking with his *ather& This could get ugly& E0oFG - a#ert my eyes and $usy mysel* with the groceries& EThere/s nothing to discussIno. -/m not telling you when -/m coming $ackI$ecause it doesn/t matterF >hate#er& - told you $e*ore - don/t want it& - don/t knowF 'eep it. sell it. - don/t care&G - open the pantry to *ind a home *or the chips& E>ho cares what they think? Tell them the truth&&&*ine. then. lieF >e all know you need to protect your precious reputationFG - sneak a glance at him& @e/s upset& E<eally?G @e laughs sarcastically& EHou need to take a long look in the mirror $e*ore you can say that to meI>hat? Hou/#e *orgotten all a$out Brock?G >ho/s Brock? EThat/s right& Hou keep li#ing in your delusionary world&G @e eyes *lash to me. and - look away& @e lets out a *rustrated $reath& EThen go get it. who/s stopping you? - want e#erything out $y the time - get $ack&G

@e remains silent *or a moment and allows the caller to rant& - can tell $y the way he shakes his head that what they/re saying is ridiculous to him& Linally. he cuts the person o** in a harsh tone& E-/m done with this& Get your stu** and get out.G he snaps and hangs up& @e looks at his phone and then at me. his mouth set& E-/m sorry you had to hear that&G E-t wasn/t too $ad&G @e comes around the counter to help me unpack& >e work in silence until he stops. paper towel in hand& ECan you $elie#e her? She told my dad - Duit&G E@er?G ETeagan&G Ah& That/s not good& E-/m sorry&G EAnything to meddle in my li*e.G he mutters& E>ho/s Brock?G - ask& @e snorts& EThe guy she was sleeping with in South America&G My eyes grow wide& E>hat?G @e gi#es me a sarcastic smile& E-t gets lonely in the +ungle&G E=h&G - *eel $ad *or him. and - can sort o* relate& EAt least 4ames can/t sleep with Meg&G E>ho/s Meg?G - roll my eyes& E4ames/ Brock&G Cane stops in his tracks and looks at me. surprised& E4ames has a Guardian girl*riend?G E2ossi$ly&G - shrug and take the paper towel *rom his hands& - $end down to put it under the sink& E@e says they/re +ust *riends. $ut -/m pretty sure she wants more& @e denies it. though&G >hen - stand Cane is *ro(en. staring at me& E>hat?G E4ames is messing around with another girl?G E0oA well. he says he/s not& - mean. - know he cares a$out her. $ut she/s $een captured. soIG - can see the wheels turning in his head& >hat is he thinking? )ightning *lashes. drawing my attention to the windows& E)ooks like the storm is here&G Cane turns to look. too& Thunder cracks. e**ecti#ely ending our con#ersation. and we *inish putting the *ood away& >ithin the ne;t hal* hour. the wind starts to pick up and rain pounds against the house& Thunder that sounded distant at *irst creeps closer with e#ery rum$le& -t/s kind o* scary $eing surrounded $y this much glass. and - watch the palm trees on the patio $end and sway& wonder i* we should ha#e at least stacked the patio *urniture to pre#ent it *rom $eing tossed in the wind& E>ell. that/s that.G Cane says *rom $ehind me& E>hat/s what?G EThe satellite went out&G @e tosses the remote on the couch& E0ow what?G - shrug& EGuess you/ll ha#e to pick up a $ook and read&G @e makes a *ace& E>ait&G - walk down the hallway toward the $edroom and open the small linen closet there& - remem$er seeing some $oard games when - was looking *or towels the other day& ECo you want to play Clue?G - shout. my head $uried in the closet& - lo#ed this game as a kid& @e doesn/t answer me. $ut - gra$ the game anyway& - $ring it out to the li#ing room. smiling& E- said do you want to play Clue?G @e notices my e;citement and grins $ack& E- take it you do?G

- nod and set the $o; on the co**ee ta$le. open the lid and start setting up the game& - hope all the pieces are here& - was *ascinated $y all the rooms and little weapons when - was younger& Apparently. - still am& E>ho do you want to $e?G - ask& EGi#e me the Colonel&G @e holds out his hand& - gi#e him the yellow pawn *or Colonel Mustard& E-/ll $e Miss Scarlet.G - say and place my red piece on the correct space& EMiss Scarlet?G Cane smirks& E- thought you/d choose someone more pure. like Mrs& >hite&G EThe maid?G - scowl& E- can $e a maid in real li*e& - want to $e the se;y #i;en&G @is eyes shoot up. and he suppresses a grin& - gi#e him a tally sheet then di#ide the game cards into pilesB one *or the rooms. one *or the weapons. and one *or the suspects& - take a card *rom each pile and place them in the secret en#elope then shu**le the rest& - gi#e them to Cane to di#ide e#enly $etween us& =nce we/re ready. - roll the dice and mo#e *our spaces& Cane rolls and mo#es ten. landing in the lounge& E=kay.G he says& E- think it was 2ro*essor 2lum in the lounge with theIG @e peruses the $oard& E'ni*e&G @e mo#es $oth 2lum and the kni*e into the lounge& - si*t through my cards and show him the kni*e& @e marks it down& - roll again and mo#e. ending up in the hall& E- think it was you.G - mo#e his piece. Ein the hall with the candlestick&G @e *lips through his cards and shows me the hall& - mark it on my paper& ECo you e#er wonder why Mr& Boddy was murdered?G Cane asks. re*erring to the *ictitious #ictim in the game o* Clue& EBecause he was rich?G @e shakes his head& E- don/t think it was the money& - ha#e another theory&G @e rolls the dice& E>hat/s that?G E- think.G he mo#es se#en spaces. Ethat Mr& Boddy was ha#ing an a**air with Miss Scarlet. $ut he thought she was also ha#ing an a**air with the Colonel&G - smirk& EHou think he committed suicide $ecause she was cheating on him?G E0ope.G he says and *olds his hands& EMrs& 2eacock was the Colonel/s e; and was unhappy that he had mo#ed on with that hussy Scarlet&G ESo Mrs& 2eacock did it to *rame Mustard?G EShe wanted to. $ut she didn/t ha#e it in her& She contracted Mr& Green. who used to $e Boddy/s $usiness partner. $ut was recently let go under suspicious circumstances& She hired him to do it&G - pretend to $e shocked and $ring my hand to my chest& EMr& Green killed Mr& Boddy to *rame Mustard and a#enge 2eacock. +ust $ecause she was upset with the Colonel *or $anging Scarlet?G @e smiles& EHes& But un*ortunately. neither 2eacock or Green nor Boddy knew that. in reality. Mustard and Scarlet hadn/t done anything& They were +ust *riends&G - pretend to pout& E2oor Mr& Boddy&G EHeah.G Cane *akes sympathy& EThe least Scarlet and Mustard could ha#e done was actually sleep together& Then Boddy/s death wouldn/t ha#e $een in #ain&G - see the parallels he/s drawing here& - roll my eyes and hold out my hand& EHou ha#e a #ery acti#e imagination& Gi#e me the dice&G

@e grins& A*ter a *ew turns. -/#e narrowed the weapons down to the poison& -/m still stuck with two suspects though. the Colonel and Mr& Green. and *our rooms& -/m *eeling really competiti#eA may$e it/s the sound o* the raging storm outside that *uels my desire to win& =r may$e it/s Cane& E#ery time - compete against him M mini gol*. Go 'arts M - can/t $ear the thought o* losing& Suddenly. a $rilliant *lash o* lightning illuminates the patio and thunder rips through the sky& -t sounds like it/s directly o#er the house. and - +ump& The lights *licker. and we lose power& - stare across the ta$le at Cane in the dark& ECrap&G @e laughs& E- think there/s a *lashlight under the sink&G >e $oth get up and head toward the kitchen. using the sporadic *lashes o* light to guide the way& - make it around the dining ta$le and to the counter& E>e/re going to need more than a *lashlight.G - say& E>e can use those candles *rom around the $athtu$&G EGot it.G he says and heads o** toward the $edroom& - get to the sink and open the cup$oard. $ut - can/t see a damn thing& - reach around $lindly. knocking o#er the paper towel and. - think. a $ottle o* soap& - *eel something cylindrical and gra$ it& >hen - pull it close to my eyes. - *ind that it/s a small *ire e;tinguisher& - put it $ack and *eel around some more& Ah haF Bingo& Llashlight& - turn it on and the $eam is dim. $ut it works& - start opening drawers to *ind matches or a lighter& There/s a grill on the patio. surely there/s a lighter here somewhere& >ith no luck in the drawers. - turn to the cup$oards& >ay $ack in the corner o* one. - think - see what might $e a $o; o* matches& - set the *lashlight down and hea#e mysel* on to the counter. kneeling. to reach it& - *eel hands around my waist& EA@FG - *all to the side on my hip and whip around& ECon/t sneak up on meFG Cane laughs& E- don/t want you to *all&G E- won/t *allFG @e lea#es his hands around my waist& E>hy are you up there?G E-/m looking *or matches to light the candles& -t/s going to $e hard to play Clue in the dark&G E- know something else we can play in the dark&G >hat? @e turns me $y my waist and pulls me *orward. causing my legs to *all o** the counter and land on either side o* him& -t *eels like he might pick me up. so - $race mysel* against his shoulders& @e doesn/t li*t me thoughA he +ust pulls me as close to him as possi$le& As - sit on the counter *acing him. he closes the short distance $etween us in seconds. *inding my mouth& This isn/t like the kiss we shared the *irst morning we were hereA this kiss is reminiscent o* last summer when things got out o* hand& -nstincti#ely - lean $ack. $ut he *ollows me and there/s really nowhere to go& @is hands lea#e my waist. tra#eling o#er my hips and down my thighs to rest on my knees& @e pulls them $oth to his $ody and holds them there. pinning himsel* $etween my legs& My heart races and my insides start to knot& @is mouth lea#es mine. tracing a hot trail along my +aw& My mind *lashes to his earlier scenario& E-/m not Scarlet.G - protest& @is lips lea#e my skin& EAnd -/m not a Colonel&G @is mouth *inds mine again and as - kiss him $ack. -/m one person di#idedB hal* o* me shouts. EThis is wrongFG while the other hal* screams. EThis is so rightFG

@is hands lea#e my knees and mo#e up to my hips again& @e grasps them as he pulls his mouth away *or a moment and rests his *orehead against mine& EThen what game is this?G - whisper& @is lips mo#e $ack to my neck& E0aked Twister&G

Chapter 2"
E>owFG - lean to the side& E4ust come out and say it. why don/t you?G @e mo#es his *ace in *ront o* mine& ESu$tlety wasn/t working&G My eye$rows shoot up& EHou/#e $een su$tle? - got e#ery message you/#e sent&G - can see him *rown in the darkness& EThen what/s taking us so long?G ESo long? >e/#e $een here two weeksFG @e takes a step $ack *rom me& EAre you serious? >e/#e known each other *or months&G EHes. $utIG EBut what?G - hesitate& @ow do - e;plain *eelings that - don/t understand? EEmma.G he says& E>hat/s holding you $ack? Hou ha#e to talk to me&G A low rum$le o* thunder passes o#erhead. and - wrap my arms around my waist& E- don/t know where to start&G @e steps *orward and sets his hands on either side o* me. against the countertop& @e leans close and looks directly into my eyes& E0ow is the time to $e honest& Can you do that?G @e knows e#erything nowA - would ne#er lie to him& E=* course&G ECo you ha#e *eelings *or me?G - can/t deny that - do& - ha#e since last summer& - hold his ga(e and nod& EAnd what do you think will happen i* you gi#e in to those *eelings?G - lower my eyes& EA lot&G E0ame one thing&G - gi#e him a de*eated look& -* he can see it in the darkness. - can/t tell& E-/#e only e#er $een with 4amesIthis is really new *or me&G ESo you/re ner#ous?G he guesses& - shrug& @e gi#es me a crooked smile& E>ell. you/re not alone& -/#e $een with Teagan since - was si;teenA - think this is something we can work on together&G - roll my eyes& EThat makes it worse&G E>hy?G E@a#e you seen her?G - ask incredulously& EShe/s gorgeous& )ike straight out o* a maga(ine super model material&G - un*old my arms +ust as lightning lights up the sky and look down at mysel*& EThis is not that&G @e stands up straight and takes my wrists in his hands& EThere/s no comparison&G My heart *lips when he says this. $ut - still gi#e him a dry look& ECome on&G EHou think you/re worried a$out competing with Teags?G he says and lets me go& E- ha#e 4ames to li#e up to& Hou/#e put him on a pedestal. and he/s tied to you *or li*e& Competing with a Guardian isn/t easy&G My e;pression twists& Cane has ne#er come across as anything $ut con*identA - took it *or granted that he truly was& E-/#e ne#er compared the two o* you. - swear& Hou/re di**erent people&G @e places his hands on my knees& EThen you see my point&G - stare at him. mute. accepting his logic& The only sound is the rain that continues to pound against the house&

E-t appears we stand on e#en ground when it comes to the e;es.G he says& E>hat else are you worried a$out?G E4ames isn/t an e;.G - say automatically& @e gi#es me a con*used look& EBut you can/t $e together& =r did - misunderstand something a$out the whole assignment thing?G E0oA you/re right&G - shake my head& E-t/s +ust that we/ll ne#er $e apart& @e/ll know you and - are togetherA -/ll *eel like -/m cheating on him&G @e *rowns& EAnd he/s not cheating on you with this Meg? =r how a$out that other girl. the one *rom the $on*ire? >hat was that?G - stare at him speechless& - can/t $elie#e he $rought that up& @e sighs& E-/m not trying to make you *eel $ad& -t/s +ustI*rom the outside. it appears someone has a wandering eye&G Stu$$ornly. - cross my arms& E- trust 4ames& @e said nothing was going on with Meg&G EBut. you/re still suspicious& Hes?G - gi#e him an e;asperated look. and he leans in close& E-n my e;perience. where there/s smoke there/s *ire& That/s all -/m saying&G - scowl& E-t sounds like you/re trying to make him look $ad *or your own $ene*it&G @e pauses. shaking his head& EBelie#e that i* you want& >hat -/m trying to do is ease your conscience&G Memories *lood my mind& - think a$out what happened with <e$ecca. 4ames/ consolation o* her. and their kiss& - think a$out how much their interaction meant to her& - recall his de*ense o* Meg. when he didn/t deny she might ha#e *eelings *or him& - remem$er the way he looked when he *ound out she could still $ecome human. and again. when he learned she/d $een Touched& My shoulders sag& EHou might $e right.G - concede Duietly& Cane reaches *or my hands. and - un*old my arms& =ur silence allows me to listen to the windA it/s let up and the rain doesn/t *all as hard against the house& @e sDuee(es my *ingers& Ene#er want you to *eel guilty a$out us& E#erything that has happened. and anything else that does. will ne#er $e meaningless&G E- would ne#er think it was&G My heart knows that what happens $etween us will only make us stronger. and that/s a little scary& Am - ready to take that step? @e leans *orward and places a gentle kiss on my lips. then pulls on my hands& E- don/t think the power will $e on any time soon& )et/s *inish this con#ersation in a more com*orta$le place&G - ease mysel* o** the counter and set my *eet on the *loor& @e releases one o* my hands and leads me to the $edroom where he lets go and mo#es around his side o* the $ed to change& - do the same& -t takes me a minute to *ind my pa+amas in the dark. $ut once - do. - *eel my way to the $athroom to put them on and $rush my teeth& >hen -/m *inished. Cane trades places with me& - crawl onto my side o* the $ed and try to get com*orta$le. hugging a pillow to my chest& think a$out what we/#e discussed and *eel some weight li*ted *rom my shoulders& -t/s com*orting to know he/s not as con*ident as - assumedA this is all new *or him. too& @e knows a$out my guilt surrounding 4ames. and - don/t ha#e to make up e;cuses as to why - *eel con*licted& As *or the idea o* 4ames cheating on me. well. that/s going to take a minute to process& But. what Cane says is true& As much as it hurts. 4ames and - can/t $e together. and he/s going to mo#e on& @is duty lea#es him no choice& >ould it $e so horri$le i* - did the same?

The $ed mo#es when Cane gets under the co#ers. and. a moment later. - *eel him directly $ehind me& @e speaks o#er my shoulder& E-/d pre*er i* you/d hug me instead o* the pillow&G @onestly. -/d pre*er that too& - glance $ehind me as he slides his arms around my waist. pulls me $ack against his chest. and mo#es us $oth to the center o* the $ed& - reach up and arrange the pillow under my head. as he gets settled. then tuck mysel* into him as closely as possi$le& E- take it this is okay?G he asks& - nod against him and wea#e my *ingers through his& @e rests his chin in the crook o* my neck& E-s there anything else you want to talk a$out?G E- don/t think so& - *eel $etter&G E-/m glad& -/m sorry - $rought up the cheating thing&G - shrug& EThe truth hurts sometimes& -t/s not like you ha#en/t $een there to know&G @e holds me tighter& The warm *eeling o* him surrounding me makes me sleepy& - close my eyes and gi#e in to the com*ort o* his presence& ECan - ask you a Duestion?G - turn my *ace toward him as much as - can& ESure&G E-t/s a $ig one&G Hikes& - shi*t my $ody to lie ne;t to him on my $ack. so - can see his *ace& EThat worries me&G @e props himsel* on his el$ow and looks down& E-* you can/t gi#e me an answer. -/ll understand& 4ust $e honest with me. okay?G 0ow -/m really concerned& E=kay.G - say. uncertain& @e takes a deep $reath& E>hat else can - do to pro#e that -/m in lo#e with you?G My heart stops& Cid he +ust sayI? @e leans o#er me& E0ame it& -/m serious&G - swallow and meet his eyes& E#en in the dark - can see how much *eeling is there. how much he means what he says& >hat did - e#er do to deser#e him? A$solutely nothing& @e gi#es me an an;ious smile& ESo? -/m waiting&G - push mysel* up on my el$ows and hold my *ace inches *rom his& EHou/#e already gi#en me so much& There/s nothing else - need&G =nce that statement is out o* my mouth. - reali(e that there is something that he needs& - can at least gi#e him that. right? A*ter e#erything he/s done *or me? @e reaches up and runs his *ingers *rom my temple to my chin& EAre you sure?G - know what he/s asking& Too many emotions race through my heart& >hen - decide to gi#e mysel* to him. - want it to $e the only thing on my mind& E2atience.G - say& - know it/s a lot to ask& ECone&G @e wraps his arms around me again and pulls me against him& >e lay down as we were $e*ore& E-/m sorry -/m $eing di**icult&G E>hat/s new?G - can hear the smile in his #oice. and - el$ow his side& @e laughs and then sighs& @e sDuee(es me again and plants a kiss $y my ear& E- could get used to this&G E>hat?G E@olding you like this&G

- smile& E>ell. get used to it&G -* - can/t gi#e him e#erything right now. - can at least gi#e him some things& E-/m *eeling mighty com*orta$le right here& -t may $e the only way - can sleep *rom now on&G EHou promise?G he asks& - nod& @e gi#es me another innocent kiss. where he ga#e me the *irst. then - *eel his head hit the pillow& EGood night.G he says& - push mysel* $ack against him. eliminating any space $etween us& E/0ight&G

As - *loat on my $ack in the pool. - think a$out the last *ew days and smileA so *ar. it/s $een the $est time -/#e had here& =ur discussion the night o* the storm ushered the elephant out o* the room& 0ow. Cane and - are more rela;ed around each other& =kay. - take that $ack& @e/s the same he/s always $een e;cept he now knows -/m not going to *reak out i* he touches me& -/m the one who *eels li$erated& -* he makes a suggesti#e comment. - smile& -* he wraps his arms around me - lean into him. instead o* away& -* he kisses me. - don/t think twice a$out kissing him $ack& To say that it/s nice would $e an understatement& >ho knew things could $e this easy? The twinges o* guilt that still pop up *rom time to time are nothing near what - used to *eel& Con/t get me wrongA -/m completely dreading the moment when - ha#e to e;plain mysel* to 4ames& But. he has to *eel that - am happy and that should count *or something& - hope& - turn o#er and swim to the stairs. su**iciently chlorinated *or ten in the morning& Stepping out o* the pool. - make my way o#er to my towel and dry o**& As - wrap it around mysel*. a pair o* arms circles me *rom $ehind& EMorning swim?G Cane asks o#er my shoulder& EHep.G - smile& Jnder his arms - pull the towel tight around me& EHou/re $ack early&G E- got a $rilliant idea.G he says and turns me around& ETomorrow is Thanksgi#ing&G EHeah. - know&G - will miss my mother/s cooking and the smell o* pumpkin pie& ECo you want to do the whole traditional turkey and stu**ing thing?G My nose scrunches& E- don/t think eating a turkey prepared $y me is such a good idea&G @e smiles and his eyes light up& E- thought you might say something like that&G @e kisses me so*tly then releases me. turning toward the house& E-/m going to get cleaned up then - ha#e some plans to make& - shouldn/t $e long&G E>here are you going?G @e grins& E0one o* your $usiness&G - eye him suspiciously& E4ust tell me&G @e opens the sliding door and sets one *oot inside& E)et/s +ust say what -/m planning *or tomorrow will keep your mind o** o* home&G - don/t know why. $ut an image o* $ungee +umping immediately springs to mind& ECon/t plan anything cra(y.G - warn him& - don/t want him to $e disappointed i* he gets me all the way to where#er and - re*use to cooperate& ECon/t worry.G he smiles& E-/ll $e $ack in a *ew&G - watch him shut the door and disappear& - look up at the $lue sky and decide sun$athing is in order& -t/s technically Thanksgi#ing $reak. right? - head o#er to the lounge and spread my

towel on the chair. then lie on my stomach to tan& As the sun warms me. - rela;& - should only lie here a *ew minutesA - need to get dressed and start my day& Lor what reason. - don/t know& My class work is $eyond caught up and -/#e made the reDuisite emails *or the week& - should call my parents tomorrow. though. *or the holiday& - think a$out what - would $e doing i* - were at home and *rown& - de*initely wouldn/t $e doing thisA it/s pro$a$ly *ree(ing and snowy& My *rown turns upside down& This is $etter& Jn*ortunately. hours later. -/m *eeling the polar opposite o* $etter& At noon. - started to get antsy& At two. antsy turned into worried& At three. worried morphed into anger& And now. at *i#e. the anger has su$sided into something worse& 2anic& Cane hasn/t come $ack& - hang up my cell in *rustration as - get his #oicemail *or the third time& - would call more $ut - don/t want to come across as needy. e#en though -/m a$out ready to hyper#entilate& @e/s ne#er le*t me alone this long $e*ore& As - pace the *loor. - try to stop my mind *rom wea#ing a tapestry o* unpleasant scenarios& @e must $e hurt i* he/s not answering his phone& >hat i* he got into an accident? The hospital wouldn/t know to contact me& And then another eDually unpleasant thought enters my psyche& >hat i* we/#e $een *ound? - knew things were too good to $e true& >hat i* The Allegiant ha#e taken Cane and are planning on using him against me? -t/s not out o* the Duestion& >hat i* 4ames slipped up $ecause o* my happiness and got caught? The thought o* losing either o* them to The Allegiant twists my heart& And i* the reason isn/t supernatural. - don/t think my soul could $ear losing Cane the way - lost 4ames& - imagine him on the side o* the road. $leeding. and my $ody starts to shake& can/t lose him& - can/t& - sit on the couch. clutching my phone. and wrap my arms around my waist& - need to hold my insides together& - don/t know what to do& >e ne#er discussed thisA we don/t ha#e a plan i* something happens to one o* us& - know this isn/t the inner city. $ut we should ha#e known things couldn/t $e le*t to chance& The *act that we/re in the situation we/re in should/#e gi#en us a clue& - stare at the *loor as the tears that dance $ehind my eyes take center stage& @ow long do - wait $e*ore - head on *oot to search *or him? Merci*ully. minutes later. the door to the garage opens& - whip around and stand as Cane *inally makes an appearance& @e sees my e;pression and his *ace immediately so*tens& E-/m so sorry.G he says& - stare at him *or a moment to make sure he/s really there& - wipe my *ace then walk around the couch& @e holds out his phone& EMy $attery died.G he glares at the phone. Eand - lost track o* time&G - want to $e stern. $ut my #oice wa#ers& E@ow dare you? Hou/#e $een gone *or se#en hoursFG @e gi#es me a look o* genuine remorse& E- got talking and then Charlie o**ered me a $eer& Time got away *rom meIG - close the distance $etween us and throw my arms around his neck& ECon/t you e#er do that to me again&G @e wraps his arms around me& E-/m sorryA - won/t&G @e kisses the top o* my head then tries to look at me. $ut - remain wrapped around him& EHou were really that worried?G - raise my head& E@a#e you *orgotten my last $oy*riend le*t me and ne#er came $ack ali#e? - thought you/d $een in an accidentF =r captured& Co you remem$er we/re in hiding?G

@e looks at me and a slow smile spreads across his *ace& -t annoys me. and - push against his chest& EThis isn/t *unnyF - nearly had a heart attackFG @e rearranges his *eatures& EHou/re right& -t/s not *unny&G - cross my arms& EThen what/s up with the grin? 'nock it o**&G ECo you reali(e what you +ust called me?G - gi#e him a sour look& E-nconsiderate? -rritating?G @e shakes his head& EHou called me your $oy*riend&G - narrow my eyes& E- did not&G EHou did so.G he smiles again& EHou said Nmy last $oy*riend le*t me&/ >hich would mean -/m your current one&G - open my mouth to dispute him. $ut nothing comes out& @e steps *orward and wraps his arms around my waist& E- really am sorry.G he says and dips his head to kiss me& - mo#e out o* the way and set my +aw& E-t/s going to take more than that&G @e looks to the ceiling in thought& ECinner.G he says and re*ocuses on my *ace& E)et me take you to dinner& To make up *or my ina$ility to tell time&G - eye him suspiciously e#en though my heart is o#er+oyed at seeing him sa*e and ali#e& EThat/s a start.G - concede& @e wipes my cheek with his thum$& E@ow long until you/re ready?G EGi#e me ten minutes.G - say and $ack away *rom him& There/s no way -/m letting him out o* my sight *or anything longer than that&

>e end up at a restaurant +ust east o* Charlotte Amalie called the Lat Turtle& E#en though it/s early e#ening. - can tell this place turns into party central at night. especially the day $e*ore a holiday& The restaurant is located on the water*ront where large yachts. too many to count. ha#e set anchor& There/s an open air $ar. along with inside seating. and an area *or dancing& Cane reDuests a ta$le outside. and - get the *eeling that he has $een here $e*ore& Teagan/s image materiali(es $e*ore my eyes and - imagine them here together. sipping cocktails and dancing close& The thought lea#es a sour taste in my mouth& =nce we/re seated. we order and our *ood comes *airly Duick& -t/s good. $ut not as good as Gladys/ in my opinion. and - pick at the chicken on my plate& >hen we *inish our meal. Cane pays the $ill and then mo#es us to one o* the $istro ta$les closer to the $ar& E>e/re staying?G - ask& @e nods& E-t/s nice to get out. don/t you think?G - look around& The place is *illing up& -t will $e nice to stare at something $esides the *lat screen *or a night& ESo. what do you want?G he asks. standing to get a drink& E- don/t know& Something *ruity?G ESomething *ruity.G he repeats and smiles& EHou/re *ruity&G E=kay. then& Scotch on the rocks&G )ike - would e#er drink that& @e *rowns& E0e#er mind& Something *ruity it is&G Apparently he doesn/t want to scrape me o** the *loor later& @e heads to the $ar. and watch him go& >hen he reaches it. he sDuee(es in $etween a $londe and another guy a$out our

age& The $londe is wearing the tightest mini dress -/#e e#er seen& She has the $ody to pull it o**. $ut wow& >hat e;actly is she ad#ertising? Cane orders and the $londe notices. turning to him and tossing her hair& She $eams at him. introducing hersel*. and Cane smiles politely& The $artender e#entually retrie#es our drinks. and Cane makes his way $ack to me& @e holds a $ottle in one hand and a glass that contains liDuid as $lue as pool water in the other& E@ere you go&G @e hands it to me& E>hat is it?G E-t/s called Turtle Soup.G he smiles& ECon/t worry& 0o turtles were harmed in the making o* it&G - roll my eyes and take a drink& -t/s really goodA it/s *ro(en and tastes like melon& -/m going to ha#e to pace mysel*& Alcoholic drinks that taste like 'ool,Aid are dangerous& ESo.G he leans o#er the ta$le. Eam - closer to $eing *orgi#en yet?G EMarginally.G - say and play with my straw& EHou can/t $e that mad.G he says& E-/#e seen you mad and this isn/t it&G - look him in the eye& E- was more worried than anything& Hou/d $e +ust as concerned i* went missing *or hours&G @e smirks& E>ould -?G - kick him under the ta$leA he grimaces as - connect with his shin& EHou/d $etter $e&G @e laughs. $ut then his *ace *alls with concern& EHou know -/d $e sick with worry&G - take another drink& E>ell. then. welcome to my world&G As the place gets crowded. Cane and - spend the time people watching& -/m sure my karma is ruined with the comments -/#e $een making. especially toward little Miss Mini Cress& But. it/s *un to laugh and *orget this a*ternoon& As e#ening *alls. a C4 starts to play and the dance *loor *ills& Cane heads $ack to the $ar& EHou want another?G This would $e my third& E- don/t think that/s wise&G - *eel pretty good. $ut then again -/m seated& - don/t want to risk it& Cane makes a *ace at me and lea#es& - guess -/ll $e dri#ing home& - watch him wea#e his way across the dance *loor and disappear through the $odies& >hen he reappears. $ottle in hand. the $londe *rom earlier swoops in *rom his right. setting her hands against his chest& @er in#itation is clear& She wants to dance& At *irst it looks like he/s going to re*use. $ut then he glances at me& >e make eye contact and a knowing smirk spreads across his *ace& My mouth *alls open as - watch his $old mo#e& @e decides to dance with her& >hat is he trying to do? 2iss me o**? )ittle Miss Mini Cress smiles $roadly and runs a hand through her hair as she mo#es& watch them and a stunned e;pression takes o#er my *eatures& Cane can dance& )ike really dance& My *ace *lushes as - remem$er my comments *rom the other day. when - told him thought guys who could dance were hot& - ad+ust my *ace and my posture. crossing my arms and trying to look impassi#e& The $londe puts her hands on him. he shoots me a look. and - raise an eye$row& - know why he/s doing this. $ut it still doesn/t stop the +ealousy that seers through my #eins& E>ho/s your *riend?G - look to my right and *ind a guy standing $eside me& @e/s $londe too. with per*ectly styled hair and tanned skin& @e rests one hand on the ta$le. and - can tell +ust *rom his arm that he/s $uilt& - *ollow his line o* #ision and see that he/s staring at my *loorshow& - shake my head& EShe/s not my *riend&G

@e smiles& E0ot her& @im&G E@is name is Cane&G - uncross my arms and turn my $ody to *ace him& EAnd you are?G @e holds out his hand& EAiden&G - take it& EEmma&G @e re#eals his per*ect smile again& ESo. Emma. is your *riend. Cane. a#aila$le?G >hat? - look at Cane and then $ack at Aiden& EJm. no& @e/s not&G @e sighs& ELigures&G - must look really lost $ecause he ela$orates& E@e doesn/t look that into her and he/s not dancing with you. so - thought may$eIG The light dawns. and - suppress a giggle& E-/m sorryA -/m a*raid you/re not his type&G @e nods like he knew that was coming then steps $ack& ESo. - take it he/s with you?G - shrug& E>e/re working on it&G E>ell. you/re not getting anywhere sitting here.G he says and e;tends his hand again& E>ould you like to dance?G >ould -? - grin& EHes. thank you&G - take Aiden/s hand and hop o** my seat& @e leads us into the crowd and - shoot a look o#er his shoulder at Cane. which is hard $ecause he/s Duite tall& Cane gi#es me a nod with $oth eye$rows raised& Game on& Aiden turns out to $e a pretty good dancer and it/s not long $e*ore -/m lost in the *un o* this& -t/s only when - glance at Cane and Brittany >anna$e that - come crashing down& @e/s not touching her. $ut she/s all o#er him& The longer they/re together the more irritated - get& - can/t $lame the alcoholA - only had two drinks and - *eel *ine& As the songs morph into one another. one thought $ecomes crystal clear M he/s mine. damn it. and you can/t ha#e him& Aiden notices my distraction and places his hands around my waist. turning me. so my $ack is to Cane and Brittany& @e leans in to my ear and speaks o#er the music. E-/m going to mo#e you his way then you cut in. okay?G - nod and *ollow his lead& >hen we get close. Aiden reaches out and practically turns me $etween them. cutting o** Miss Mini Cress and distracting her& - land in *ront o* Cane and he gra$s me. pulling me close& @e smiles as he *inds my ear& E-t/s a$out time you came to sa#e me&G - smirk& EHou/re the one who decided to dance with her&G EHou know who -/d rather dance with&G - lean $ack& ESpeaking o*. you/#e $een holding out on me&G @e grins& E- can/t re#eal all my secrets& - ha#e to play them when the time is right& wouldn/t want you to *all in lo#e with me too *ast or anything&G - shoot him a sarcastic lookA although. the way we/re mo#ing is making my heart race& @e looks o#er my head& E>ho/s your new pal?G - glance o#er my shoulder and *ind Aiden a *ew *eet away& @e/s doing an e;cellent +o$ o* leading on the $londe& - smile. and he winks at me& - turn $ack to Cane& EThat/s Aiden& Actually. he wanted to $e your *riend not mineA i* you get what - mean&G @e suppresses a smile& E- take it you told him otherwise?G E@e deli#ered me to you didn/t he?G Cane leans closer& E<emind me to thank him later&G >e stop talking as we continue to dance& More people must ha#e +oined the party $ecause Cane and - end up pressed together to make room *or more mo#ing $odies& @e takes the opportunity to catch my mouth with his and kisses me in a way that should $e illegal& Blood pounds $ehind my ears as - clutch his arm to steady mysel*& Cesperate thoughts o* earlier today race through my mind and mi; with the +ealous emotions *rom moments ago& - thought -/d lost

him& =ther women and men want him& >hat/s wrong with me? The decision hits me like lightning& >hen he releases my mouth. - stand on my toes and *ind his ear& ETake me home&G @e leans $ack and gi#es me a con*used smile& E- thought - was your home&G - shake my head and *ind his ear again& EHou don/t understand& Take& Me& @ome&G >hen our eyes meet the reali(ation hits& - don/t ha#e to ask him a third time&

Chapter 2#
A num$ *eeling radiates down the le*t side o* my $ody. waking me& My eyes *lutter open to *ind $oth my arm and leg trapped $eneath Cane. asleep and useless& The morning sun $leeds through the windows and - li*t my head to peer down the length o* the couch. my eyes catching on his shirt that hangs o** the $ack& My ga(e mo#es *rom the shirt to the *loor. where - *ind small piles o* the rest o* our clothes& Memories o* last night slam into my $rain and my *ace immediately *lushes& Heah& >e didn/t e#en make it past the li#ing room& - lower my head to his shoulder. and he instincti#ely pulls me closer& =ne o* his arms is $eneath me. and -/m sure it/s +ust as asleep as my lim$s are& - dread the prickling sensation o* the $lood returning to my arm and leg once we mo#e. so - close my eyes. hoping to ignore the *eeling and remain where - am& -t/s no use& As much - as want to stay cradled in his arms. need to sit up& @is eyes pop open as - try to disentangle mysel*& E@ey MG EGo $ack to sleep.G - whisper& E>hat are you doing?G EMy arm/s num$.G - say. shaking it as - sit& The throw $lanket. that used to hang o#er the $ack o* the couch. crookedly co#ers usA - reach out with my good hand to $ring it up to my chest& @e smirks and props himsel* on his el$ow& EHou/re going to $e modest now?G - gi#e him a stale look& E-/m not going to start parading around here naked. i* that/s what you/re asking&G @e raises an eye$row& E-/#e already seen e#erything& >hat/s the point?G EThe point.G - *ake arrogance. Eis that -/m a lady& 0ot an e;hi$itionist&G @e snickers& EA lady. huh?G EHes&G ESince when do ladies $latantly ask to $e taken home and. ahIwhat/s a good word?G My mouth *alls open& E>ould you rather - hadn/t?G @e smiles& EMost de*initely not&G @e places his hand on the side o* my neck. cradling my *ace. and pulls my mouth to his& @e gently kisses me then leans $ack. his e;pression serious& E0ot in a million years&G - smile. $iting my lip& As - look into his eyes. my pulse starts to race& -mages *rom last night *lash in my memory& - ha#e no complaints& E- would ha#e $roken out the dance mo#es sooner i* -/d known.G he says and lies $ack. crossing his arms $eneath his head& E'nown what?G EThe e**ect they would ha#e on you&G - scoot down. propping mysel* on my side& - rest my head on my tingling hand& E-t wasn/t the dancing&G E0o?G @e smiles& E=kay. may$e a little.G - concede& E- knew it&G - laugh. $ut then my smile *ades& ECo you want the truth?G @e looks at me concerned and then mirrors my pose& EAlways&G

Care*ully. - select my words& E-t was the o#erwhelming *act that - could lose you& The panic - *elt when - thought you were hurtIor worse& Then. that woman was all o#er you& And AidenF E#en guys want you&G - look down& EHou/#e done so much *or me. and -/#e done nothing *or you& -/#e pushed you away a million times. and you keep coming $ack&G - meet his eyes& E-t was time to gi#e you something to come $ack *or&G @e searches my *ace& As silent seconds pass. - start to *eel sel*,conscious& E>ell. say something&G EHou/re so wrong&G My e;pression twists& EA$out what?G EE#erything&G @e leans closer& E- will always $e there *or you& Hou/#e changed my li*e&G Cis$elie* clouds my *eatures& EThat/s not true&G E-t is& Co you want to know what my li*e was like $e*ore we met? E#ery day was the same& Go to work. try to contact Teagan. and *ight with my dad& Then. -/d wake up the ne;t day and do the e;act same thing& Go to work. Skype. and *ight.G he pauses& EJntil - met you& Hou turned my world upside down&G My skeptical e;pression melts a little& EThe more time we spent together the more - reali(ed what - did and didn/t want& Hou *orced me to take a good look at mysel* and make some tough decisions&G EThat doesn/t sound good& - ne#er meant to MG E- knowA that/s the $eauty o* it&G @e tucks a wayward piece o* hair $ehind my ear& EHou challenged me in ways -/#e ne#er $een $e*ore& Hou ga#e me something to look *orward to each day. and - cra#ed your attention& Hou know why?G - gi#e him a crooked smile and get sarcastic. EBecause there/s nothing like picking up the pieces o* a stu$$orn girl/s $roken heart?G - still don/t know why he/s put up with me& EHou do ha#e the damsel in distress thing going on&G @e smiles and wraps his arms around my waist. pulling me close& E@onestly. though. it was $ecause your attention was ne#er a sure thing& >hen most people *ind out -/m Charles >alker/s son they get all clingy and twitchy. $ut not you& Hour attitude toward me ne#er changed& - had to work hard to impress youA it made me Duestion who - really was&G - look down& E<emem$er the day we ran into 4ames/ mother at the store?G - nod& @ow could - *orget? EThat was the moment - reali(ed what - had&G My eyes meet his& EAnd what was that?G ESomeone to *ight *orA someone who needed me& 0o one has needed me in a really long time&G >ith wide eyes. - reassure him. EHou are so needed& - don/t know what - would do without you&G @is e;pression so*tens in response to my admission. and he stares at me intently& Slowly. he traces the side o* my *ace *rom my temple to my chin. as i* committing the cur#e to memory& EHou gi#e me a reason to get up in the morning& Con/t e#er say you/#e done nothing *or me. $ecause it/s not true& Hou/#e done more than - can e#er e;plain&G @is touch lingers on my chin. and he gently nudges my mouth toward his& - o$lige him and he plants a so*t kiss on my lips&

E- think your sacri*ices outweigh mine.G - whisper& E>hat -/#e done wasn/t e#en on purpose&G @e gi#es me a knowing look& E)ast night was on purpose&G - immediately $lush& E)ast night didn/t change your li*e&G EHeah. it did&G E2lease.G - laugh& E-/m so glad - could help&G @e leans *orward& E>ould you care to help again?G E<ight now?G E0o. ne;t Tuesday& Hes. right now&G - catch his sly smile $e*ore his lips *ind my neck& ECon/t we ha#e somewhere to $e today?G - ask as - wind my *ingers through his hair& @is #oice is mu**led under my chin& E<ight here works *or me&G - giggle and mo#e to the side& E0oA what/s my surprise *or Thanksgi#ing?G @e picks up his head and glances at the clock near the tele#ision& E>e ha#e two hours until we ha#e to $e at the dock&G ELor?G ELishing.G he says& E-/#e chartered a $oat& @a#e you e#er $een deep sea *ishing?G E-/#e ne#er le*t the continental Jnited States& So. no&G E- think you/ll lo#e it&G @is mouth *inds mine and he speaks $etween kisses. EHou won/t miss $eing home at all&G E- think you/re right.G - say as my head swims& EAlthough. there/s one thing - do miss&G E>hat/s that?G EThe *eeling in my leg&G -t/s pinned $eneath him again& E-s it possi$le to mo#e to a di**erent location?G @e raises an eye$row& EHou want to mo#e to a di**erent spot?G EHes. please&G E<ight now?G E0o. ne;t Tuesday&G @e grins and shi*ts his weight& E>ill you allow me to sweep you o** your *eet?G - can/t help $ut smile& E- think you/#e already done that. $ut sure&G @e mo#es his legs $eneath mine and wraps one arm around my waist& @e slides his other arm under my knees and stands. li*ting me and holding my $ody against him& - curl one hand $ehind his neck and set the other against his pounding heart& @e kisses me again as he carries me away *rom the couch and into the $edroom&

EAre you ready?G - tighten my ponytail as - walk toward the *oyer& EHep& <eady to catch me a shark&G E-t/s more like a marlin or a tuna.G Cane says& @e opens the *ront door& ECid you gra$ the sunscreen?G - hold out my hand& EGot it&G @e makes sure the door is locked *rom the inside& EThis is your last chance to $ack out&G EHou wish.G - say and push against his arm to get him mo#ing& )ast night/s decision has created a monsterA he/s $een trying to get me to *orego the *ishing trip and stay in& E)ike - said $e*ore. you shouldn/t ha#e told me what you had planned& - want to goA -/#e ne#er $een&G

@e smiles and shakes his head& EStu$$orn&G E>ho/s $eing stu$$orn?G - push him harder& EMo#eFG @e laughs as he steps outside& - *ollow $ehind him. gra$$ing the door handle as - go& Suddenly. he stops short. and - nearly $ounce o** his $ack& E>hat are you doing here?G Cane snaps& E>ell. it/s a pleasure to see you. too.G - hear a male #oice chuckle& - can/t immediately place the person $ehind the #oice. $ut - know -/#e heard it $e*ore& Tension radiates o** Cane as - remain $ehind him. unseen& - decide to stay put& EMay - come in?G E- was +ust lea#ing& - ha#e an appointment&G - hear *ootsteps& E-t took me awhile to *ind you.G the gentleman says& EHou could at least a**ord me a *ew minutes o* your time&G Cane lets out a hea#y $reath& ECid she send you?G E=* course she did& Co you think - run around looking *or errant employees *or the *un o* it?G The light dawns and my stomach twists& Mr& Meyer is standing on our doorstep& E)isten. -/m sorry a$out the way - le*t&G EHour lack o* pro*essionalism was a $it shocking.G Mr& Meyer says& EHou ga#e me no notice and Duit o#er email? - would ne#er ha#e e;pected that *rom you& - had Duite a mess to clean up with the @arris account&G - take a step $ack& Should - run and hide or stay and de*end Cane? Ce*ending him sounds like the $etter choice& Besides. - owe him& Cane sco**s& E@arris will $e *ineA you ha#e e#erything - was working on& Cesigners are a dime a do(enA go *ind yoursel* a *resh college grad& Besides you should $e thanking me& Hou can get away with paying the new$ie a lot less&G Mr& Meyer sighs& EThis isn/t a$out money or the company& This is a$out my daughter&G E>e/#e had this con#ersation.G Cane argues& E- can/t $elie#e you *lew all the way down hereF Teagan and -I- don/t lo#e her& She doesn/t lo#e me& -t/s done&G - hear another step& EMy daughter is distraught& - poured o#er at least a hundred *light mani*ests to *ind you& Can - at least $e allowed inside to sit down while we discuss what may or may not $e?G - know Cane doesn/t want to let him in *or a num$er o* reasons. namely me& - decide to take one $urden o** his $ack and step around him. e;posing mysel* to Teagan/s *ather& ECome on in&G >hen Mr& Meyer/s eyes meet mine the look on his *ace is indescri$a$le& =$#iously. he recogni(es me *rom the charity dinner. and he/s surprised to *ind me here& @as the reali(ation *inally hit that Cane is no longer in lo#e with his daughter? E>hat are you doing?G Cane turns and asks. $locking me& EThe man asked to come inside& Hou/re $eing rude&G - widen my eyes to su$liminally send him a message& It%s okay. Cane sets his +aw and shakes his head in*initesimally& @is e;pression screams that it/s not& EEmma&G Mr& Meyer/s #oice pulls our eyes away *rom each other. and Cane looks con*used& E@ow do you know her?G Teagan/s *ather looks at me pointedly& E>ho else knows you/re here?G

@is tone sends a chill down my spine. and - don/t think twice a$out answering& E0o one&G @e looks $etween Cane and me. clearly agitated& E-t/s imperati#e that - speak with $oth o* you&G - step $ack to allow him through the door. and Cane $egrudgingly does the same& -t/s clear he/s unhappy. $ut what i* we can put this whole Teagan mess $ehind us? -* we can con#ince her *ather that it/s o#er may$e he can. in turn. con#ince her too& >hen Cane closes the door. Mr& Meyer turns to me& E>e/#e ne#er $een properly introduced&G @e e;tends his hand& EMy name is )uke Meyer&G - take it and nod& E-/m *amiliar& Emma Conohue&G @e grips my hand& -t/s not pain*ul. $ut it/s not an ordinary handshake either& - meet his eyes with a Duestioning look& EHour *riends call me )ucas&G At *irst his comment doesn/t register. and - maintain my pu((led e;pression& E- assume you recei#ed the money - sent&G Lear consumes me& - try to yank my hand away. $ut he maintains his *irm grasp& Cane immediately steps to my side& E-/m not here to hurt you.G he says sincerely& A *amiliar. calm *eeling radiates up my arm and then tra#els down my $ody& <eiki& E- had no idea you were here.G he says& E- came only on my daughter/s $ehal*&G @is eyes *lash to Cane& E- was clueless that 4ames/ Emma and yours were one in the same&G Cane looks $lindsided. yet he sets his hands protecti#ely on my shoulders& E)et her go&G )ucas o$liges. allowing me to step $ack against Cane& E- thoughtIat the dinnerIG E- was there to paci*y 4ack.G )ucas says& E- normally don/t attend *ri#olous work *unctions& But. he asked that - check on you to make sure you could $e trusted&G @e smiles at me in a genuine way& E- told him his worries were un*ounded&G E>ho is 4ack?G Cane demands& E4ack is a Garrett/s twin. a Guardian.G - say& E@e doesn/t like me&G EAh.G )ucas disagrees. Ehe likes you +ust *ine& Hou can trust that his intentions are pure& @e only wants what/s $est *or his $rother&G Cane steps to my side and takes my hand in his& @e looks at )ucas with disdain& EAnd +ust who e;actly are you?G )ucas regards him& ELirst and *oremost. - am a hus$and and a *ather&G EAnd?G EAnd - am also one o* The Allegiant&G My knees *eel weak at hearing him admit this& - didn/t reali(e how much *ear o* The Allegiant - held in my heart& 4ames and Garrett did an e;cellent +o$ o* placing it there& ESpeaking o*.G )ucas says as i* he has read my mind. Ethey/re sa*e& Hou don/t need to worry a$out them&G E=n the contrary&G Cane and - spin around at the sound o* a new #oice $ehind us& A man materiali(es with $road shoulders. sandy $londe hair. and $lue eyes& Cane clutches my hand and my heart completely stops as two more men appear $eside the *irst. one on his le*t and one on his right& All three o* them are intimidating *igures. tall and muscular& =ne has dark hair while the other/s is so gray it/s nearly white&

EE;cellent +o$.G the sandy $londe says o#er our heads to )ucas& EHou/#e practically led us to them&G Blood pounds $ehind my ears& - look at )ucas. and he appears de*eated. $ut not *ear*ul& EHou/#e $een spying on me?G he asks. o**ended& The dark one sco**s& EHou didn/t think we/d catch on? Hou/re not a$o#e usFG E-t was +ust a matter o* time until you tripped up.G the $londe one says& EThank*ully. patience is one o* our many #irtues&G )ucas remains con*ident as he de*ends himsel*& EBe*ore you do anything rashIG -t/s too late& - $arely see the $londe nod and in the $link o* an eye the other two men spring into action. gra$$ing Cane and me and wrenching our hands pain*ully apart& They hold us $y our shoulders. across the room *rom one another. while the third man renders )ucas immo$ile $y light that emanates *rom the palm o* his hand& - can see Cane/s eyes *ill with panic as he struggles against his captor. $ut it has no e**ect on the Guardian& - don/t e#en $other to mo#e against mineA i* Cane can/t $reak *ree surely - don/t stand a chance& Terror and utter sadness threaten to crush my chest& My captor speaks and his #oice rum$les o#er me& E'ellan.G he says. pulling the sandy $londe/s eyes our way& EShall - do it now?G @is grip around me tightens and *ear cuts through my $ody& EHou/re right to $e a*raid.G 'ellan says. gi#ing me a tiny. malicious smile& EThis is going to $e incredi$ly pain*ul&G

Chapter 2$
-nky darkness surrounds me as i* the #ery sun has $een e;tinguished& - am $lind. my eyes slowly $eginning to $urn& -t/s as i* a match has $een lit inside my skull. and the *lame is crawling along my optic ner#es. incinerating them& Blinking does nothing to soothe the intense ache $ehind my eyes. so - close them tight. praying *or tears to put out the *ire& 0one appear& An image is placed $ehind my sightless. $urning eye socketsA - know this $ecause physically *eel it& -t/s like my mind is a Kiew Master loaded with a picture reel. and what - see de*ines the meaning $ehind 'ellan/s threat o* pain& - reali(e this torture will $e in*initely more mental. more emotional than the initial threat could allow me to comprehend& The *lames in my head change direction to consume my heart as -/m *orced to memori(e things -/#e ne#er seen $e*ore& My chest constricts as - try to scream. $ut - am rendered incapa$le as $ile rises in my throat& My legs gi#e out as the images changeB 4ames lying in his casket. so swollen and caked in make,up that he/s $arely recogni(a$le& 4ames naked in the morgue on a sil#er ta$le. his *ace sliced. his chest $adly $eaten and $ruised& 2aramedics holding his limp $ody drenched in $lood. his legs twisted in an unnatural way& @is open. li*eless eyes as he stares into nothing. slumped in the *ront seat o* his truck& EEnoughFG - hear a #oice. and my #ision immediately returnsA -/m on my hands and knees in *ront o* the dark haired Guardian that held me& - concentrate on $reathing as the $urning pain inside me *i((les& E-/m hereF Hou can stopFG The pain lea#es my $ody& )i*ting my head. - *ind 4ames in the middle o* the room. his eyes trained on me with a look o* desolation& <elie* washes o#er me at seeing him whole again. and - push mysel* to stand despite my shaking legs& - want him to know -/m okay. and - can handle this& The Guardian $ehind me collects my shoulders to restrain me a second time. $ut not as strongly& EThat was Duick.G 'ellan says to 4ames. impressed. as he continues to hold )ucas immo$ile& E0ow i* you would +ust lead us to your *ormer mentor. we could end this little game&G E-/m willing.G 4ames says& EBut - don/t know how&G EA$raham.G 'ellan calls to the Guardian that holds Cane then looks in my direction. EEthan&G Both men release us. and when they do. Cane is in *ront o* me in an instant. *rantically gathering my *ace in his hands& EAre you all right? Are you hurt?G E-/m *ine.G - say. although the images seared into my $rain will haunt me *ore#er& A sharp intake o* $reath redirects my attention. and - look around Cane to see The Allegiant standing on either side o* 4ames. one o* their hands on each o* his shoulders& They must $e doing to him what they did to me and he closes his eyes. clenching and unclenching his *ists& My ga(e +umps to )ucas. still *ro(en $y 'ellan. then $ack to 4ames& -/m helpless to stop any o* this& E- *eel the $ond.G A$raham *inally says& Ethan nods in agreement& E>ell. what are you waiting *or?G 'ellan snaps& ELetch him&G

The Guardians disappear. and 4ames slowly opens his eyes& @e $links to *ocus his #ision and then turns toward Cane and -& Crest*allen. his clear $lue eyes lock on mine& E- hope you two will $e happy together.G he says. his #oice hea#y and stuck with emotion& -t/s in that moment that - know. without a dou$t. what he was shown& >hat else would cause him pain to re#eal Garrett/s $ond? Both A$raham and Ethan touched Cane and -A they read our minds. they saw what happened $etween us& 4ames +ust recei#ed a *irst row seat to last night/s show& The urge to throw up o#ercomes me and - swallow. $reaking out in a cold sweat& -t/s one thing to hear what happened& -t/s Duite another to witness it *irsthand& EAw.G 'ellan interrupts. mocking us& ECo - sense a lo#e triangle?G Both 4ames and Cane shoot him an irritated look& 'ellan gi#es me a once o#er and then leers& EShe/s prettyA -/ll gi#e you that&G @is comment makes my skin crawl& @is tone changes as his eyes lea#e mine and harshly turn to 4ames& EMight - remind you that your *eelings *or her are *or$idden? Hou/re aware o* this. yet you continue to *eel the way you do? Act the way you do? And now you/#e taken part in this scheme? Ena$ling renegades? Hou should $e $anishedFG 4ames lowers his eyes& @e can/t de*end himsel*A 'ellan will know he/s lying& @e clenches his hands into *ists again. as i* preparing *or what/s coming& @e always said he would $e punished i* The Allegiant disco#ered his actions. and my heart races in anticipation o* the worst& -s 'ellan going to hurt him right here. right now? -mpulsi#ely. - take a step around Cane& E-t/s not his *aultFG Cane tries to stop me. $y gra$$ing my arm. $ut - look at him and mouth the word Eno&G My argument *or staying at school. instead o* running away. comes $ack to me& E@e/s $een usedA we/#e $oth $een used&G 'ellan looks at me. his mood shi*ting again as he o**ers me a maliciously arrogant retort. EA *act we/#e taken in consideration. - can assure you&G @e gi#es me a sly smile& E- said he should $e $anished not that he would $e&G @e winks& EHour decisions are a$out to get a lot harder. sweetheart&G Be*ore - can ask what that means. Ethan and A$raham reappear with Garrett in tow& My mind reels trying to *igure out how that/s possi$le& Cane steps protecti#ely to my side. wrapping his arm around my shoulders& E>ell.G 'ellan says& E)ook at what the cat dragged in&G A$raham and Ethan push Garrett to his knees& @is eyes grow wide as he sees )ucas trapped in 'ellan/s hold& @e looks to his le*t. spotting 4ames. and then to his right. *inding Cane and me& A de*eated look crosses his *eatures. $ut he regains his composure and *aces 'ellan& E>hat? Hou still *eel +usti*ied?G 'ellan asks& @e nods toward )ucas& EHou still $elie#e in his cause? Hou don/t e#en know what he was *ighting *orFG EAnd you do?G Garrett asks& 'ellan sco**s& E- know a hell o* a lot more than you&G @e looks at Ethan who lashes out with his *ist. connecting with Garrett/s temple& - cringe against Cane/s side& EHou went against e#erything you/#e $een taught. e#erything we stand *or.G 'ellan growls& ETo hurt our >ards goes against the essence o* our #ery $eing. yet you wounded yours $eyond repair *or your own sel*ish gainFG

A$raham gi#es Garrett a sickening kick to his lower $ack. which causes him to *all against the *loor& As much as - despise what Garrett did to 4ames and me. - can/t $ear this& Garrett was a *riend& 'ellan turns and une;pectedly releases )ucas *rom his hold. his $ody crumpling to the *loor in a heap& @e walks o#er to him and kneels $y his side& EHour muscles ha#e $een se#ered. $ut your senses ha#e $een spared.G he says in an eerie tone& E@ow does it *eel?G @e pretends to listen *or an answer that doesn/t come and smiles& EThat/s what - thought&G @e rises. gra$$ing one o* )ucas/ hands in the process. and drags him across the *loor toward Garrett& EHou wanted to $e human?G he spits& EHou sacri*iced the Choice *or a human li*e?G Garrett clenches his +aw as he pushes himsel* $ack to his knees& @e de*iantly stares at 'ellan& E>hat you desire will not $e yours.G 'ellan says& EHour mentor should ha#e known $etter& 0ow he will watch as you are destroyed. and he will know the cost o* his mistake&G @e looks to the others. and they step around Garrett to stand $eside him& The *our o* them make up a line. )ucas included. although he is lying de*enseless on the ground& They leer o#er Garrett. each o* them touching one another at their *eet. with the e;ception o* 'ellan. whose *oot is set against )ucas/s head& Tears spring $ehind my eyes. and - lean into Cane. gra$$ing his shirt and twisting it in my *ist& @e clutches my shoulder and reaches up to shield my *ace against his chest& 0either o* us thought we/d $e witnessing a murder today& E#en though my eyes are closed. - still see the $linding light $ehind my lids& - can *eel it. too& -nstantly. the temperature in the room increases $y multiple degrees& A*ter se#eral seconds. it returns to normal with a cool rush o* air. leading me to $elie#e they ha#e incinerated Garrett& Tears course down my cheeks& EEmma look.G Cane whispers& - open my eyes e;pecting to see a pile o* ashes where Garrett knelt. $ut instead *ind him still there in one piece& My *ace twists in con*usion until my eyes land on 4ames& @e/s holding his hands out in *ront o* him. e;amining them. with a look o* complete awe& 'ellan leans down. le#eling his *ace with Garrett/s& EHour >ard now has what you so desperately wanted.G he says with a smug e;pression& E>hat you thought you/d taken *rom him. we/#e gi#en $ack&G @e presses the palm o* his hand against Garrett/s *orehead& E>hile you rot *or eternity as one o* the Banished. keep this one thought close.G he sneers& E@e/s human and you will ne#er $e&G >ith those words. the patio door shatters with a dea*ening crash& Cane pulls me to the ground and co#ers my $ody with his as shards o* glass *ly across the room and rain o#er us. hitting the *loor and $ouncing o** the wood around me& - li*t my head to see a man charging through the $roken glass. arm raised. a crude weapon *lashing *rom his hand& @e/s headed straight *or 'ellan& Suddenly. the protecti#e weight o* Cane/s $ody is pulled *rom co#ering mine& - look a$o#e me to see him wrestle out o* a woman/s grasp& E-/m not going to hurt youFG she says. her emerald eyes wild and an;ious& She looks at the action in the center o* the room and $ack to Cane& E2ick her upFG Cane does as she reDuests and hea#es me o** the *loor $y my arm& The woman mo#es us $ack *rom the chaos. shielding us *rom the $attle that/s now taking place& Cane stands with his $ack against the wall. his arms around me. as -/m sandwiched in $etween him and the stranger&

Jnder her outstretched arm - can see the man who came crashing through the door as he attacks The Allegiant& They dance around one another. and - notice he appears to $e larger than the others& @is $rown hair is parted down the middle o* his head. *alling to his chin and catching the stu$$le on his +aw as he dodges a $low *rom 'ellan& The man still holds an unrecogni(a$le weapon M is it a kni*e or a dagger? M and - notice his out*it as reminiscent o* another time& Suddenly. a woman with a long gray $raid appears *rom nowhere. ripping my attention away *rom the man& - watch as she starts to assist him in the *ight& They work together. as i* they/#e rehearsed this routine. and my eyes +ump to where Garrett and 4ames once were& - *ind them de*ensi#ely standing together near the kitchen& My heart threatens to $eat through my ri$s& >hat is going on? >ho are these people? EMy name is Madeline.G the woman in *ront o* us answers. as i* she read my mind& She looks o#er her shoulder& EThat/s Ash and Claire& Hou don/t ha#e to $e a*raid o* us&G - take a moment to look at her and she/s gorgeous& @er eyes are wide. a shocking shade o* greenA her $lack hair is $raided like the other woman/s and it *alls past her lower $ack& @er clothes look almost medie#al. and - notice a stunning $racelet on her wrist& -t/s made o* thin. knotted leather and a shiny sil#er amulet sits in the center& - hear a guttural growl and pull my attention away *rom her& - catch a glimpse o* A$raham as Claire pulls her weapon *rom his side& @e stands *ro(en *or a moment then $ursts into dust. literally disintegrating $e*ore my eyes& 'ellan and Ethan look at each other *rantically as 'ellan maneu#ers his way toward )ucas& The $attle is more e#enly matched now. e#en though Claire is looking winded& =ne o* the end ta$les and a lamp goes *lying across the room. and Madeline lowers her arms *rom her protecti#e em$race around us& She looks as i* she/s contemplating +oining the *ight& EGo on.G Cane tells her& E>e/re okay&G She looks at us then charges *orward. pulling an identical weapon *rom her $elt& Claire sees her coming and looks relie#ed& Madeline heads straight *or Ethan& Beyond them. - notice $oth 4ames and Garrett inching their way toward us& Cane and - look at each other and silently decide to meet them hal* way& >e take only two steps when suddenly Claire/s $ody comes hurtling toward us& Both Cane and - try to catch her. $ut the *orce o* her $ody $eing thrown through the air sends us sailing $ackward& My head cracks against the wall. ne;t to Cane/s shoulder. as 4ames and Garrett gi#e up $eing stealthy and rush to our side& Garrett rolls Claire o#er as - right mysel*. and 4ames gra$s hold o* my upper arms as he looks me up and down& EAre you okay?G he asks. panicked& - *eel Cane appear at my shoulder& E-/m *ine.G - say and turn to make sure Cane is all right as well& @e nods as my eyes are drawn to the woman on the *loor& She/s the one who needs help& She/s $leeding hea#ily *rom her a$domen. so - immediately crouch $eside her& There/s got to $e a way to stop the $lood with my hands& Garrett mo#es $eneath her and holds her head in his lap& EClaireF >hat can - do?G My con*used ga(e snaps to Garrett& Coes he know her? She looks up at him and shakes her head. gi#ing him a small smile despite her pain& E0oFG he shouts& EHou can/t dieFG She glances around the *aces that surround her until she *inds mine& She stares into my eyes and gi#es me a genuine smile. then grimaces&

EA<G@FG - hear another loud groan and all o* us turn to see what/s happened& Madeline has wrestled a dagger *rom Ethan $ecause she now holds one in each hand& @e must ha#e taken Claire/s weapon and struck her with it& Lingers wrap around mine. and - turn to *ind Claire grasping my hand& She raises her head and pulls me *orward. her strength impressing me *or a dying woman& EShe wants you to come closer.G Garrett says& - o$lige her and hold my *ace inches *rom hers& @er kind e;pression shatters my heart& @ow can she look so peace*ul while $leeding to death? Garrett cradles her head and helps her $ring her mouth to my ear& E<espira.G she whispers. almost inaudi$ly& E<espira&G - ha#e no idea what that means& - lean $ack and look at her. gi#ing her a tiny smile like understand& - don/t want to disappoint her e#en though we/#e only +ust met& The *ray continues $ehind us. and - hear something crash to the *loor& My instincts tell me it/s the *lat screen& - try to look. $ut Claire pulls on my hand& She wants my attention on her& <eleasing my hand. she remo#es a $racelet. identical to Madeline/s. *rom her wrist and places it in my palm. *olding my *ingers o#er it& ESa*e.G she says and her eyes grow wide& She nods. asking i* - understand& EHes.G - promise her& E- will keep this sa*e&G E0o&G She shakes her head and rasps. E'eep you sa*e&G Be*ore - can ask how. Garrett mo#es out *rom under Claire and gently hands her o** to Cane& - gi#e him pu((led look. and Cane/s eyes *lit to the sparring com$atants& - *ollow his ga(e and it appears Ethan has the upper hand with Madeline. and he/s $acking her into a corner& 4ames and Garrett take one look at each other and decide to enter the *ight& - watch in horror as the two o* them attack Ethan *rom $ehind in an e**ort to gi#e Madeline the ad#antage& Suddenly. the pressure around my hand releases. and - turn to watch Claire *ade $e*ore my eyes& -n one $link she/s there and the ne;t she/s gone& My hand that clutches her $racelet is smeared with her $lood. and - watch in ama(ement as the *resh $loodstain *ades *rom my sight as well& -t/s like she ne#er e;isted& My chest *eels hollow as - un*old my *ingers and stare at her gi*t& E- think that/s important.G Cane says as he kneels in *ront o* me. his *ace pale a*ter what we/#e +ust witnessed& EHou should put it on&G - agree& As - start to slide my *ingers through the knotted leather $and. an unnatural howl $ellows *rom $ehind us& My head snaps around to *ind 'ellan emitting the sound. his eyes locking on mine. his *ace contorted& Cistracted $y his out$urst. Ethan turns and is immediately dispatched $y Madeline. *alling into a cloud o* dust as she twists $oth kni#es into his $ack& 'ellan/s ga(e is pulled *rom mineA he knows he/s outnum$ered& @e mo#es Duickly opposite Ash and holds him with a $eam o* light similar to the one he used on )ucas& @e kneels and collects )ucas under his *ree arm as Madeline. 4ames. and Garrett ad#ance& - *eel the $racelet slammed on my wrist and turn to see Cane/s hand around it& My eyes *lash $ack to 'ellan who/s staring maliciously at Cane and me& My pulse accelerates sending a clear warning that resonates to my core& Somehow. some way. - know Cane is the ne;t target o* 'ellan/s $eam o* light& @e cannot $e hurtA - won/t allow it& >ithout thinking. - launch mysel* at Cane. wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my $ody against his& E- lo#e you.G - gasp and $lock him +ust as 'ellan aims directly at us& - catch

'ellan/s $eam in the center o* my $ack. a$sor$ing the $low& -t *eels like a million kni#es are cutting my skin as wa#es o* electricity course through my $ody& Merci*ully my senses shut down. una$le to manage the pain. and - melt to the *loor& My world turns $lack. my $ody goes num$. and my ears ring& - ha#e no idea how long - lie there until a peace*ul *eeling *inds me& -t creeps in and slowly wea#es itsel* around my $ody and into my mind& -t en#elops my world. and - welcome it with open arms& -t erases my wounds& -t eases my pain& -t soothes me. and - let it lure me into a deeper darkness&

Chapter 2%
EShe mo#ed&G - hear a #oice that - do not recogni(e& EAre you sure?G another un*amiliar #oice asks& EHes. her arm twitched&G Someone grasps my hand. and - *eel my arm $end at the el$ow& EEmma? Can you open your eyes?G They know me? - try to li*t my lids. $ut they *eel like they weigh a ton& E-* you can/t. can you sDuee(e my hand?G That - can manage& - tighten my *ingers around the hand that holds mine& -n response. hear a surprised gasp& ECid she do it?G a third person asks& The *irst #oice *loods with relie*& EHesFG @ow many people are here? - could ha#e sworn - was alone when - went to sleep& Should $e a*raid? - concentrate and pry one eye open and *ollow with the other& My #ision is $lurry. and - $link the ha(e away& Three *aces ho#er o#er me. none o* which are *amiliar. and my adrenaline spikes& >ho are these people and what do they want? - try to li*t my head. try to sit up. $ut my $ody *eels sti** and won/t cooperate& Lrom what - can tell. -/m lying in a $ed that is *oreign to me& >here am -? EEmma? Are you okay? Talk to me&G - meet the worried ga(e o* the guy who holds my hand& @e/s handsome. despite his dishe#eled dark hair and *i#e o/clock shadow& @is comple;ion is slightly pale and his ha(el eyes look worn and tired. as i* he/s recently $een sick& E@ow do you know my name?G - rasp& My throat *eels drier than the desert at high noon& @e looks at me with utter con*usion& E>ho are you?G - ask& E)et me try.G a #oice on my le*t says& - turn my head to see another male. a$out my age -/d guess. with light $rown hair that *alls o#er his *orehead and the $luest eyes -/#e e#er seen& @e. too. looks distraught and attempts a ner#ous smile as he takes my other hand in his& ECo you know who - am?G he tentati#ely asks& - ha#e no memory o* this person& - shake my head against the pillow& E- don/t& Should -?G @is *ace *alls at my response& - hear a hea#y sigh *rom the end o* the $ed. so - li*t my head. success*ully this time. to *ind the third person in the room& @e *ocuses his eyes on meA they/re an interesting shade o* $lue mi;ed with $rown& E)et/s try something&G @e mo#es *rom the $ed to stand closer to me& ECo you want to sit up?G - nod and $oth o* the men who hold my hands help me& =ne props a pillow $ehind my $ack while the other reaches *or a glass o* water sitting on the $edside ta$le& @e hands it to me and gladly take it. swallowing hal* the water in one gulp& - regard the three o* them o#er the rim o* my glass as logic tells me - should $e scared to $e surrounded $y strangers& =ddly. -/m not& ECo you remem$er my name?G the one with the interesting $lue,$rown eyes asks me& - search my $rain as the three o* them look at me e;pectantly& - want to remem$er *or them. $ut - can/t& - *rown and shake my head no&

@e leans *orward. placing $oth hands against the $ed. as he asks. E>hat/s the last memory you ha#e?G - think $ack& My mind is *oggy is some areas and crystal clear in others& ELalling asleep in my apartment&G The three o* them regard each other. sending silent messages $etween them that - don/t understand& - look down and notice a uniDue $racelet on my wrist& - don/t typically wear +ewelry& E>hat is this?G - ask and hold out my hand& -nteresting,eyes asks another Duestion& ECo you know what a Guardian is?G - gi#e him a $lank look as - Duestioningly state the o$#ious& ESomeone who guards things?G E#eryone around me looks dum$*ounded and let down& - wish - could cooperate more. $ut who are these people? An uneasy *eeling starts to $uild in my chest the more - come to and take in my surroundings& )ast night. - was in my apartment at schoolA now. -/m in a tropically decorated $edroom surrounded $y strange men& Someone needs to start gi#ing me answers& E>hat happened?G - ask& All three sets o* eyes dart to one another as i* de$ating whether to share knowledge that don/t ha#e& -t makes me angry& ETell meFG The one who/s $een asking Duestions looks de*eated& EErasure.G he says& @is answer makes no sense and it *rustrates me& E>hat is that?G @e draws a hea#y $reath& EHour memory has $een erased&G

)ook *or the *inal $ook in The Guardian TrilogyB )e/orn Coming early 2 !5F TTT

A!out the Author

Sara Mack is a Michigan nati#e who grew up with her nose in $ooks& She is a wi*e and a hockey mom on top o* $eing trapped in an o**ice M which now has a windowF M *orty hours a week& @er spare time is spent one,clicking on Ama(on and de#ouring $ooks on her 'indle. cleaning up a*ter her kids and two elderly cats. attempting to keep her *lower garden ali#e. and. o* course. writing& She has an unnatural a**inity *or dark chocolate. iced tea. and $acon& Connect with Sara and The Guardian TrilogyB =n Lace$ookB httpsB11www&*ace$ook&com1pages1Sara,Mack1"88:762 675:!86 =n TwitterB httpB11twitter&com1smackwrites Blog and EmailB httpB11smackwrites&$logspot&com smackwritesVgmail&com Check out Spoti*y *or the Allegiant playlistB httpB11open&spoti*y&com1user1smackwrites1playlist16:c6:dpc-H*sUwMoT<'"Jc and Ca*Q 2ress *or Guardian % Allegiant merchF httpB11www&ca*epress&com1-ndieLriends

E'cerpt rom Re!orn Book " o* The Guardian Trilogy Prologue

Co you dream in color or $lack and white? The last *ew nights ha#e $rought me $rilliant. prismatic dreams& -/#e ne#er dreamt like this $e*ore& My hope is that the odd images will continue and re#eal the missing pieces o* my past& need to know what -/#e $een told is true $y seeing it *or mysel* with my mind/s eye& -t will $e easier *or me to accept my new reality through my memories $ecause right now things are +ustI Jn$elie#a$le& Garrett says the $last *rom The Allegiant/s hand should ha#e killed me& @e owes my sur#i#al to the charm - wear around my wristA a $racelet gi#en to me $y someone - don/t remem$er& - play with it now. turning it around and around. as the airplane descends& A*ter three days o* li#ing with complete strangers in a *oreign place. -/m almost home& The *amiliarity o* it $eckons me& - keep telling mysel* -/ll $e a$le to think clearly M remem$er more M surrounded $y what - know& As the wheels o* the plane touch down. relie* courses through my $ody& -/m hereA - made it& - can pick up where my li*e le*t o** and things will make sense again& - hope&

WWWWW My phone chimes& elcome back3 +heck your email. - read the cryptic te;t *rom Matt as Cane lounges on my couch *lipping channels& @e hasn/t said much since our neigh$or/s arri#al. and - can tell he/s trying to rela; $ut *ailing misera$ly& *eel $ad *or him and want to make it $etter& >hy does his $eing upset $other me? @e/s practically a stranger& E>ho/s on the phone?G Cane/s Duestion $reaks my train o* thought& EJm. Matt.G - say Duickly as - redirect my attention and open my email& E@e sent me a message&G @is note is the *irst in my in$o;& Em M Glad to hear you/re $ackF Attached to this are the *orms reDuired *or the internship you asked a$out& My dad signed o** on e#erything& - would ha#e sent them sooner. $ut - didn/t know when you would $e $ack in the States& - hope you/re still thinking a$out working *or us M - don/t make a great receptionist and Sheila is a$out to e;plodeF )et me know your decision when you get a chance&

>e/ll ha#e to get together soonF Matt My memory reels $ack to my last day at >estern& - recall the o#erwhelming need to mo#e $ack home. $ut don/t remem$er what set it o**& - re,li#e the con#ersation with my ad#isor. Mrs& Andrews& - remem$er talking to Matt a$out interning at his dad/s #eterinary clinic in lieu o* classesA - remem$er *alling asleep content with my plans *or the *uture& And then - remem$er waking up with my world turned upside down& - read o#er Matt/s email again and a calm *eeling settles o#er me& - still like this idea a lot& Mo#ing $ack home sounds ama(ing& - hear a knock on the door then see it crack open& EAre you $usy?G -t/s Garrett& Cane sighs and turns o** o* the tele#ision& ECo we ha#e a choice?G Garrett and 4ames enter my apartment. and - push Matt/s message to the side *or now& read+ust mysel* in the li#ing room chair as Garrett takes a seat opposite Cane& 4ames chooses to stand. leaning against the wall& -t/s times like this that - really need a dining ta$le& ECo you want to sit?G - ask 4ames and start to un*old my legs& @e shakes his head& EStanding doesn/t $other me&G @e gi#es me a small smile& E-/m still getting used to $eing human&G =h& <ight& E0ow that things ha#e calmed down. we need to ha#e a serious discussion.G Garrett says& Cane *rowns& EA$out what?G ELor one. the likelihood o* 'ellan/s return& @e/s not going to easily *orgi#e what happened&G Cane scowls as - recall who 'ellan is& @e/s the one who nearly killed me. $ut somehow took my memories instead& Garrett takes a hea#y $reath& E=$#iously. we/#e lost all ties to the -ntermediate& >e ha#e no idea what/s taking place& >e can only assume 'ellan returned with )ucas a*ter he $lasted Emma gi#en that humanity isn/t in chaos& 'ellan needs )ucas to maintain orderA two o* the *our Allegiant are dead& @e/s pro$a$ly *orcing )ucas to carry on as usual and $iding his time until he can de#ise his re#enge&G E>e ha#en/t heard *rom Thomas or Meg or any o* the others either.G 4ames says& E-t/s pro$a$le that they/re still capti#e&G >ho are Meg and Thomas again? E-* only - could get a hold o* 4ack.G Garrett mutters& E-t would really help&G E4ack is?G - ask& EMy $rother.G Garrett answers& EMy twin&G Hes& -/d *orgotten& Cane leans *orward& ESo you/re worried a$out 'ellan coming $ack? - understand he/s pissed that your *riends killed his $uddies. $ut shouldn/t he take it out on them?G E-/m a*raid he will. $ut he still has a score to settle with me.G Garrett says& E@e didn/t get to e;act his punishment and now that you and Emma are in#ol#edIwe/re all at risk&G 4ames turns to Cane& EHou know 'ellan was gunning *or you&G Cane sighs& EHes. you/#e made that clear&G E>hy?G - ask& E>hat did Cane do that was so wrong?G Garrett nods toward the $racelet on my wrist& E@e placed that on you&G ESo?G

Garrett shares a knowing look with 4ames that raises my suspicions& EThat/s another thing we need to talk a$out.G he says& ECo you remem$er me telling you a$out Madeline and Ash? The people that showed up to help us?G - nod& E4ames and - stopped to speak with them $rie*ly $e*ore coming here& >e asked i* they could help us understand what happened. why the $racelet protected you in some ways $ut not in others& They told us it was $ecause you are )ost&G My *ace pinches& E-/m what?G 4ames mo#es closer& EAll humans are supposed to ha#e a Guardian& - was yours&G EHes. you told me&G E>hen The Allegiant restored my humanity my duty #anished& Hou no longer ha#e a Guardian&G @e pauses and eyes Garrett& EEmma.G he says seriously. Ethere/s no one in the -ntermediate to assign you& Hou are unprotected& Hou/re what we call )ost&G - gi#e him a wary look& EAnd that/s a $ad thing?G ELor an ordinary human it/s a #ery $ad thing.G Garrett says& EBut you/re $etter o**& Jntil we know how much protection the $racelet o**ers you. one o* us will need to $e near you at all times&G - hesitate trying to process the in*ormation& ESo. you/re saying - need a $a$ysitter&G Garrett shi*ts his weight to the edge o* his seat& E-t/ll $e more like ha#ing a $odyguard& >e/ll need to know your schedule. where you plan to $e. and with who&G This is really awkward and my e;pression twists& >ill - e#er ha#e pri#acy? E- do ha#e some common senseA you can/t spend all your time ho#ering o#er me&G Garrett nods& EHou/re right& >e/ll need to take shi*ts and the more help we ha#e the $etter& That/s why we MG @e pauses& E- mean that/s why I would like Cane to help as well&G @e turns to look at him& E>ill you consider it?G Cane doesn/t e#en think twice& E-/m in&G >hat? These three can/t +ust integrate themsel#es into my li*eF E@old on a minute.G protest& EHou can/t monitor my e#ery mo#eFG 4ames tries to reassure me& E-t won/t $e that weird& Garrett and - will $e right ne;t door&G Matt/s email *lashes through my mind and - snort& E0ot *or long& -/m mo#ing a*ter the semester ends&G 4ames *ace *alls& E>here? >hy?G My eyes dart to Garrett and Cane and they are eDually surprised& E- got permission to take an internship during the winter semester& -/ll $e working *or Matt/s dad and li#ing with my parents&G - can/t help $ut notice the smile Cane tries to hide& Clearly he/s pleased. $ut why? 4ames mo#es to crouch in *ront o* me& EEmma. - can/t *ollow you there& Hour hometown is mine tooA - can/t $e seen $y people who knew me& Hou ha#e to stay here&G Ah& That/s why& E-/m sorry. $ut this is my li*e.G - say adamantly& EMy decision& -/m mo#ing&G 4ames opens his mouth to dispute me. $ut Garrett interrupts& E-t/s okay.G he says and directs his attention to 4ames& E>e can make this workA we can mo#e& )ucas ga#e me money. and - $elie#e he ga#e Emma some too&G - ha#e money?

EThat/s i* you/re willing to share.G Garrett Duickly amends and gi#es me an apologetic smile& E>e can li#e outside o* town and 4ames can escort you when it/s sa*e *or him to do so&G - narrow my eyes& Camn itF - need some time to mysel*F EActually. this might work $etter.G Garrett muses and turns to Cane& EHou ha#e to return home e#entually& -t will $e more con#enient with Emma closer to you&G - tap my *ingers impatiently against my knee& They/re all so great at planning my li*e& E@ow long is this going to last? Hou can/t possi$ly take me e#erywhere& >hat i* - need to go to the gynecologist?G All three o* them $lanch and - smirk& ESee?G - can #isuali(e the wheels turning in Garrett/s head& E>e/ll ha#e to take each situation as it comes and stay $ehind the scenes i* necessary&G @e looks to 4ames and Cane& EThe main point is that we are near Emma should she need us&G They all nod and - roll my eyes& Am - e#en here? Coes my opinion matter? - get itA -/m at risk without a Guardian and 'ellan seeks to hurt me& But waitIwhy is he mad at me again? So Cane put a $racelet on my wrist and -/m somewhat protected& Big deal& ECan someone e;plain why 'ellan hates me?G - ask& EBecause - don/t get it&G Garrett and 4ames e;change another knowing glance& -/m starting to hate those& EMadeleine and Ash will $e here in a *ew days to e;plain.G Garrett says& EMy knowledge o* the )ar#atus is limited& -/d rather you hear it *rom them&G EThe who?G EThe )ar#atus& Translated it means Charmed&G EMadeline and Ash are charmed?G EHes.G Garrett says& @e pauses and looks at his hands then $ack at me& EAnd *rom what little - understand. now you may $e Charmed. too&G