Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
Table of Contents
Disclaimer ................................................................. 4 Introduction .............................................................. 5 What is Approach Anxiety? .......................................... 7 What Excuses Are You Making? .................................. 10 Creating an "Approach Anxiety" System....................... 12 Developing the Approaching Habit .............................. 15 Outcome Orientation................................................. 19 6 Steps to Overcome Approach Anxiety ....................... 22 What Do I Say???..................................................... 32 10 Rules For Approaching Women ............................... 34 Conclusion............................................................... 41
Disclaimer
No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, or transmitted by email without permission in writing from the publisher. While all attempts have been made to verify the information provided in this publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretations of the subject matter herein. This book is for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed are those of the author alone, and should not be taken as expert instruction or commands. The reader is responsible for his or her own actions. The advice in this book is meant for responsible adults, age 18 and over, and is not meant for minors. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international, federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the purchaser or reader. Neither the author nor the publisher assume any responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of the purchaser or reader of these materials. Any perceived slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional.
Introduction
Why a Report on Approach Anxiety?
I used to be just like you. The thought of talking to women made my palms sweat. I didnt know what to say or how to act, and it got to the point where I couldnt approach women unless I was drunk. In case you didnt know, this is not a good way to impress women. I wont lie and say that I never get nervous around beautiful women nowadays, but over the years, Ive learned to control my anxiety. I want to share my tactics with you so you can do the same. Not a day goes by when I dont receive emails from clients asking how to tackle anxiety. Something as simple as starting a conversation seems impossible to many men, thereby crippling their love lives all together. They either try and fail, or fail to try at all. Believe it or not, theres no secret or magic to approaching women. In order to be successful, you have to eliminate the fear brewing inside of you. Once thats taken care of, the rest is a cake walk.
solution to what to say when you want to start a conversation. This book also wont put you to sleep. Its a short and sweet guide to overcoming anxiety, and thats all. You cant expect to succeed with women if youre stuck reading all day, right? The following pages contain only the essential information youll need to up your confidence level, tackle your fears, and improve your dating life.
Thats it. Before you proceed, you must realize that overcoming Approach Anxiety will require effort and hard work. While its certainly not impossible, it will be a change you have to adapt to. Fortunately, this guide provides a simple mechanism for overcoming your fear. To begin, lets take a look at Approach Anxiety, and what exactly it is. 6 Distinctive Advantage Marketing
When plagued by Approach Anxiety, its not uncommon for your emotions to become overwhelming. You sense fear, anger, and embarrassment thats often paralyzing, and this is not far from the truth. When you suffer from Approach Anxiety, you essentially are paralyzed, unable to do anything at all.
Humans naturally possess a fight or flight response to tense situations, and in some cases, its beneficial. If youre being attacked, its essential to fight or fly away if you are to survive. When it comes to women, this reaction never works. Basically, youve learned to avoid the negativity of approach by flying away from it, thereby doing and accomplishing nothing at all. Does this sound familiar? You see an attractive girl in your proximity, and are unable to start a conversation. Its like theres a magical force that makes it PHYSICALLY impossible to talk to her. Most men choose NOT to approach, because itll stop the nervous sensations from happening. This decision to evade approaching is largely due to an association between a bad experience in their pasts. The easiest way to avoid these horrible feelings is to just start a conversation. By conquering your fear and talking to a woman, you realize that there was nothing to be anxious about in the first place. Youre then REWARDED by the feelings of anxiety going away.
Its one thing to read about Approach Anxiety. Its another thing to experience it. Only when youre actually IN the situation do you realize how handicapping it can be. Its a pretty scary situation for guys to go through.
10
Im not good looking enough (or too old, poor, fat, etc). Im simply too scared to go over and talk to her. Im worried shes going to reject me. They dont seem to be interested in talking to anyone. Its hard to carry a conversation in this environment. It simply wont work. I just dont know what to say in a conversation. I dont know how to start a conversation.
Almost every guy tells himself lies that are similar to these. As you work on your Approach Anxiety, try to identify your negative self-talk. These are the messages you tell yourself BEFORE you approach a woman. Often, these provide the best indicators of whats going on inside your head prior to approaching a girl Instead of feeding these thoughts, use affirmations positive statements you say to yourself to increase confidence. A daily ritual such as affirmations can be your first step to overcoming insecure feelings.
11
12
Furthermore, there is a huge risk of procrastination. If youre like most guys, youll put off approaching a lot of women in one day, promising to do it soon. Six months later, you still have Approach Anxiety because you havent done a thing.
Im a HUGE believer in creating a system for doing anything. Whether its work, exercise, or social stuff, I like to have a formula that I can test, track, and tweak. Sure my friends bust my balls about my ability to overanalyze things, but I get many things done during a given day. Ive achieved a lot, and this is all due to developing a system for any goal that I wanted to achieve.
14
15
over and talking to a girl. Feelings such as fear, nervousness, and rejection hinder your success. To form a good habit, you have to experience minisuccesses. This will teach you that approaching a woman is not that bad. The daily habit makes it easy. At first, you might dread having to do it, but each day, youll get better at it, because you know youve done it the day before. Eventually, youll go from hating those feelings of anxiousness to actually enjoying it. You might even learn to anticipate and look forward to experiencing that conversation youre about to have with a woman. This HAS to be the most important thing you do each day. It should have equal importance as working, eating, showering, etc. You cannot skip it or make excuses for why you dont do it.
16
Now every time Im about to do another marathon, OR run 20+ miles, OR if Im just really tired during a run, I simply say to myself, Ive done it before; I can do it again. Trust meits a great feeling to know youve accomplished a goal before when the going gets tough. When you approach women on a daily basis, you develop a level of confidence where you know youve done it before, and you can do it again. By doing it on a daily basis, you learn how to recognize these feelings of nervousness, but approach anyway.
AgainNo Excuses
Practice a regular daily habit of starting a conversation. The problem is men tend to make excuses when it comes to this area. They get busy and give reasons why they cant do it today. Excuses like, I dont have time, but I promise to do DOUBLE tomorrow are common. When tomorrow comes around, they still do nothing. The problem is the way we lie to ourselves. Maybe youll get it done, and maybe you wont, but its a lot easier to commit to talking to one or two women a day. If each conversation lasts around ten minutes, this can be easily squeezed into even the busiest of schedules.
17
Each day, write down how many women you approached. You can even record random conversations if you havent found a woman to talk to. In each entry, note what you said and how the conversation went. Reward yourself for committing to this exercise. Give yourself a special treat for every ten days in a row that you stick to it. The best reward is in knowing that these approaches are making you a better person each day. Youll find that recording your approaches makes it easy to track your progress. After a few weeks, youll be amazed at how much youve improved.
18
Outcome Orientation
How We Sabotage Ourselves
Our minds often cause us to fail with women as opposed to being successful. Many guys have developed the habit of being afraid of women. We have ALL been in that situation where we see an attractive woman, but act too scared to go over and talk to her. Can actually talk ourselves out of doing well around women? Yes. Why does this happen? Whats in our heads that causes this experience? The problem is the way we react emotionally around women when were talking to them. Furthermore, our imagination runs wild and makes us think of everything that could possibly go wrong Our fear literally causes us to go through every possible bad scenario that could happen. Our imagination creates very painful, realistic images of what itll be like to go talk to a girl. This causes a wave of nervousness that makes us truly, utterly terrified. Most of the time, we typically dont approach a girl because it just doesnt seem like its worth the risk. The funny thing is youll often kick yourself afterwards, saying something like CrapI should have walked over and talked to her. Pretty nutty behavior, if you ask me. Nothing bad directly happens from approaching a girl. Like I said, it all comes down to the habit that you formed as you learned to deal with women. Like any habit, its something that can be altered. 19 Distinctive Advantage Marketing
never knowing what could have been. This could have been your dream girl, and you missed out on her. Create the mindset that NOT approaching a girl will cause you pain. Youll go home alone, thinking of what could have been. Think like this, and youll start to take action. Rather think of the risks, make it a habit of thinking of what could go RIGHT. You could get her number, or maybe even fall in love. If anything, you could have a great interaction that leads to something more. Basically think of anything that would create positive mindset, rather than a negative one. Do this for a few days, and know that a good outcome is far more likely. A bad outcome isnt that likely.
21
Eye contact is one of the ways to show confidence. When you hold a gaze, youre communicating that youre comfortable with a social situation. Youll demonstrate qualities such as confidence, interest, high status, etc. I recommend you do this every single time you encounter a person. This will turn it into a reflexive action. In this step, you dont have to ACTUALLY approach; just make a habit of establishing eye contact.
23
Talk to other people working out at the gym. Talk to strangers at a social gathering.
Who you talk to really isnt important at this point. Youre simply developing the habit of starting a conversation. This is low risk, as youre not worried about the outcome of the conversation. Youre talking for the sake of talking, and nothing more.
youre getting experience talking to attractive women, and youre not so worried about the outcome or if shes going to be interested. Instead, youll just playfully banter with these girls, and focus on a being a fun guy when in a conversation.
Think about the times when you see an attractive girl walk by without saying anything. The key here is to do what I call Approach with NO Intent. Youre not going to worry about getting her number, setting up a date, or even making her interested. Youre just going to concentrate on 26 Distinctive Advantage Marketing
overcoming your Approach Anxiety and starting a conversation. Keep it simple at first... Ask a question or give a compliment, then eject from the conversation. Also, its important to NOT be choosy at this point. Dont worry about going up to the uber-attractive girls, because if you sit around waiting for this, itll be a LONG time before youre able to overcome your feeling of Approach Anxiety. One of the best ways to get comfortable with this concept is to give a quick compliment to the women you see. I usually dont recommend starting a conversation with a woman in this manner when you want to attract her, but giving a quick compliment can be an excellent way to overcome that initial hump that arises before a conversation.
Direct Openers
Direct approaching is being upfront with your intentions when talking to a girl. Youre telling her that you are attracted to her, and would like to know more about her. This can be done by giving her a compliment, or simply saying, You seem like a cool person, and I wanted to come over and talk to you. Without going into long-winded explanation, direct openers work when you have equal or better status than a woman. For instance, if youre an average-looking guy approaching a beautiful girl whos surrounded by men, then you probably wont have a higher status. On the other hand, if youre a good-looking guy who has been social proofed by everyone in the room, then the chances of a direct opener working are higher. I hate to admit, but in order for a direct opener to work, you must have money, status, and/or looks. When you dont have any of these qualities, you appear to be a loser, dork, or another random guy who is trying to pick her up. All attractive women have a mechanism to filter out losers, and by coming on too direct, youll trip this filter. Shell have the this guy is hitting on me feeling, and will quickly shut you down. Before we move on, direct openers can work on girls that are equal to you in looks and appearance. This is a lesson I discovered watching The Learning Channel (TLC) the other day. In a really fascinating experiment, a psychologist had a number of men and women rated on their appearance. He then took this same group, put them into hooded 28 Distinctive Advantage Marketing
jumpsuits, and tacked a number on their hood so a participant couldnt see his or her rating. From there, he put ten men and ten women into a room, asking them to simply approach a member of the opposite sex by putting out their hand. If the other person accepted it, they would be a match. Im oversimplifying this experiment, but the results showed that even though people didnt know their own rating, they typically ended up being matched with someone who had a similar rating. This experiment can really illustrate the dividing line between direct openers that work, and those that dont. You have to pay close attention to social nuances when using a direct opener. In other words, its important to understand YOUR social value before approaching a girl. Ask yourself if you exceed her looks or rating. Are you in a situation where youve been social proofed? Have you received ANY indicators that she might be interested? Is she really drunk (just kidding)? I know that this sounds like a harsh, brutal way of looking at things, but on a subconscious level, human beings (especially women) tend to look for these indicators when evaluating the desirability of a man. The good news is that indirect openers can work incredibly well if both people are of equal value.
Indirect Openers
Indirect means you disguise your intentions at first. This is basically where you ask an opinion or use the situation youre in to start a conversation.
29
As I mentioned, direct openers work best when youre dealing with someone who has a higher social value. The really attractive girls wont go for a guy unless hes proven such things as social status and/or value to the people around him. Giving a compliment or a direct opener will only let the girl know that shes won. Thats it! Game over. The cool thing about approaching in an indirect manner is that it doesnt make her defenses go up as quickly as with a direct opener. When approaching indirectly, dont compliment her, avoid lines or strong come-ons, and dont treat her like a sexual object. Women have a natural level of discomfort when a strange guy approaches them. You have to be able to get used to this fact. When a woman is uncomfortable, she is not rejecting youshe is rejecting the feeling of awkwardness when a strange guy approaches. This is where the indirect approach works wonders By acting like you dont care about the outcome, this will drop her defenses a little. This will separate you from the guys who are constantly hitting on her, giving you a chance to show your value and the fact that youre a good guy to get to know. Its also about a curiosity hook. Youre trying to engage her into a conversation, and then you can prove your social value. Your social value can increase if you know how to flirt and create the right kind of attraction, which I discuss in my Flirt Mastery course. Indirect is great for those times when you want to avoid rejection. Try asking a woman for an opinion. Most of the time, shell respond to you. From there, you can use her
30
What Now???
At some point, youll find yourself regularly talking and introducing yourself to women youre interested in. When you get comfortable with approaching one to three girls each day, try for five women instead. The more you challenge yourself, the quicker youll overcome your Approach Anxiety. The key here is to develop the success habit.
31
What Do I Say???
The Perfect Line Fallacy
Let me get one thing straightthere is no such thing as the perfect line or opener. I personally dont believe in lines. While a line might sound like the greatest thing ever, youll crash and burn if you flub it. With a simple introduction (or indirect opener), there really isnt a chance to screw things up. Youll be less likely to get down on yourself later on. With that in mind, here are a few different ways to start a conversation
32
Its low risk, because youre not coming on to her; youre simply making a comment about the situation youre in.
low status, this will decrease the likelihood that shell be attracted to you. Use any of these four tactics to talk to a woman. Once youre in a conversation, you should follow the format that I outline in my Flirt Mastery course.
34
35
36
Having standards prevents you from attracting the crazies of the world. Its not about having successits about how you look at yourself. A bad approach does not determine who you are as a person. Certain approaches cause you to make HER the determiner of the outcome.
37
38
If youre on your way somewhere, just start a conversation with the people that walk by. Find a context to start talking to these people.
on the Jersey Shore that attract the meat-head, steroid freaks, so I found places that arent like this. As a result, Ive had great success approaching women.
40
Conclusion
Approach Anxiety does NOT have to control you. When you allow it to happen, youre limiting the things that you can accomplish in youre life. To overcome this problem, you have to face it head on. It wont go away by wishful thinking, and it wont go away simply reading this book. You have to get out there and actually practice starting conversations. If you follow the plan that I outline in this report, youll definitely move one step closer to the fixing this problem. It wont happen over night, and itll take some effort on your part, but eventually, youll find yourself at the point where youre able to start conversations without a moments hesitation. From there, youll laugh at the problem that you once had. Good luck, and I wish you the best of success.
41