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THE BACK PAGES
64 Film
Raunchy humour is 3hrok's tickt to a tn auoinc.
69 Fame
Ex-stars Palowin ano Hasslho ar xtra-spcial Pao Daos.
70 Books
Th surprising oownsio o bringing sight to th blino.
72 Stage
On its 2Cth annivrsary, Dirty Dancing gts oirtir.
73 Bazaar
Straightn your hair with a latiron vnoing machin.
74 Art
Vhoa, that's m?! Rlctions rom a vulva-casting ta party.
77 Help
How singl womn can avoio th Prioal Vav.
7S Feschuk
Th strang, phallic, volutionary |ourny o oucks.
S0 The End
Danny Lornzo McDonalo, 968-2CC7
Interview
14 MlD-LlPE MEMORY LOSS
Cathryn Jakobson Ramin
talks to Kat Fillion about
multi-tasking's mntal pitalls.
Columns
S CAPlTAL DlARY
MitcheI RaphaeI on Ptr
MacKay's purs collction
ano th anti-Justin campaign.
9 PAUL WELLS
Vith /nor Poisclair's xit,
th PO oram is gtting silly.
10 ANDREW POTTER
Shan Doan ano honour:
what woulo our MPs know?
National
16 TAKE lT TO THE COURTS
Th anti-war movmnt has
gon rom th strts to th
nation's courtrooms.
1S GOODBYE POUlSTES
/nor Poisclair pullo th
triggr on his political carr;
ar th PO ano th Ploc nxt
to all?
19 CHANGlNG THE GUARD
/lbrta without a PC govrn-
mnt? Hasn't happno sinc
97-but it coulo nxt yar.
20 BRlDGES TO lRAN
Canaoa's Mnnonits hav
racho out to lranian haro-
linrs, to th ir o xpats.
21 LlTTLE LETHBRlDGE
Th Toris plung; L
Cannibal boils ovr; hip
hop pays in Lthbriog.
World
22 COVER STORY
BLACK ON NlXON
ln an excIusive excerpt
from his new biography,
Conrad BIack writes
of Richard Nixon's
transfiguration" from
disgraced president to
eIder statesman.
The MacIeans.ca lnterview: Preston Manning Th ormr Rorm laor wighs in on what h thinks
o Stphn Harpr's govrnmnt ano whthr his movmnt is still aliv www.macIeans.caZmanning
The Commons /aron Vhrry sts th scn rom ach oay's Oustion Prioo www.macIeans.caZthecommons
Megapundit Chris Slly's oaily rounoup o what's in th country's opinion pags www.macIeans.caZmegapundit
Weekday Update Columnist Scott Fschuk inos th humour in ach oay's haolins www.macIeans.caZfeschuk
2 From the Editors 4 Mail Bag
7 Seven Days 2 Week in Pictures
VOLUME 120 NUMBER 19, MAY 21, 2007 SlNCE 1905
World (continued)
32 UNlTED UNDER SARKO7
Nicolas Sarkozy won th
prsioncy, but can his party
win th lgislatur, too?
34 THE DlRT ON UPOS
Th U.K. opns its X-ils;
China oals with th oaths
o 288 schoolchilorn;
a Cuban x-Cl/ oprativ
stanos accuso o trrorism.
Business
36 THE lNPORMATlON WAR
Microsot, th lumbring
giant, is oao, say analysts,
as Googl bgins its bio or
markt suprmacy.
40 THE CHANGlNG NEWS
Journalists trmblo whn
Ruprt Murooch bio on Dow
Jons. Put thy must lt go
o th status uo to surviv.
42 MARTHAS PROZEN PlES
Th oomstic oiva's surpris-
ing nw lin; a possibl nw
tax shltr or nrgy trusts;
Olympic-sponsor wos.
Justice
43 MARK STEYN
Dal-makr Davio Raolr's
tstimony supports th no-
tion that th non-compts
wr clvr, not criminal.
Society
SS MAKlNG BABlES
Gay coupls ar bcoming
th clints o choic or sur-
rogat mothrs. Thy l
lss kicko to th sio.
Science
61 HOW GOOD TURNS EVlL
/ controvrsial psychologist
who conoucto prison xpri-
mnts in th '7Cs is back with
a book on /bu Ghraib.
Newsmakers
62 RAlN-CHECK THE OUEEN
Hln Mirrn turns oown
a royal or or ta ano
crumpts; an lrish /mrican
Muslim punk novlist rlass
his scono book; th Vhit
Strips bring th blus to
rural Canaoa.
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Patrick Swayz ano Jnnir Gry: two ocaos o Dirty Dancing
ON THE COVER: Conrao Plack plumbs th opths o Nixon's paroon
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Embiacing oui iicnds
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I
s Nicolas Sarkozy, elected this week
as president of France, the second
coming of Alexis de Tocqueville?
Iike the famous 1;th-century French
author of lcmocracy in 4mcrica,
Sarkozy has demonstrated a broad
enthusiasm for all things American, from
Hemingway novels to disco music. Most of
his radical economic prescriptions are aimed
at bringing American-style exibility to the
famously stiff French labour market. In for-
eign policy he is staunchly pro-Israel, stern
in his criticism of Iran and opposed to a rapid
U.S. pullout from Iraq.
My dedication to our relationship with
America is well known and has earned me
substantial criticism in France," Sarkozy pro-
claimed at a speech in Vashington last Sep-
tember. But let me tell you something, I'm
not a coward. I embrace that friendship."
Vhile his bravery may have gotten ahead of
French political sensibilities he later muted
this enthusiasm for American foreign policy),
it is reasonable to expect a marked change
in how Quai D'Orsay treats Americamore
warmth and common cause, less arrogance
and opposition.
At the same time, it is also likely that Brit-
ain will be moving in the opposite direction.
That special relationship" between the U.S.
and the U.K. seems threatened by the impend-
ing departure of Prime Minister Tony Blair
and the expected ascension of heir Gordon
Brown this summer. Brown will want to break
with Blair's unpopular support of Bush, and
his plan to make climate change his pre-emi-
nent foreign policy objective bodes poorly
for Anglo-American relations. David Cam-
eron, the Conservative leader in Britain, seems
even less interested in maintaining Blair's
closeness with Vashington.
Vith all this reshufing in Europe and a
change in the Vhite House coming next year,
it is a good time for Canada to do some reect-
ing on our own relationship with the Amer-
icans. Despite its stumbles in Iraq, the U.S.
is still the world's only superpower, its dom-
inant political force and global economic
engine. And while Prime Minister Stephen
Harper has undone much of the damage
done by previous administrations in this area,
U.S. relations are a journey, not a destination.
They require constant attention.
This week saw the nfth instalment in the
Canada Strong and Free" policy paper series
by former Ontario premier Mike Harris and
former Reform party leader Preston Man-
ning, which deals with Canada/U.S. relations.
Vhile acknowledging the need to preserve
our valued differences of identity and social
priority," the two statesmen argue for a much
stronger political focus on Vashington, with
more co-operation and understanding through
initiatives such as a North American energy
security accord and mutual recognition agree-
ments that balance sovereignty concerns with
necessary economic harmonization.
Canada can also play an important role as
an access point for other countries seeking
inuence in Vashington. The times when we
have enjoyed the greatest clout in international
affairs 1;,os, 1;8os) are also those times
when we placed the greatest emphasis on
maintaining close ties to our U.S. allies. There
is no reason why the term special relation-
ship" should not refer to that between Ottawa
and Vashington. But more work still needs
to be done.
THE ELECTlON of a pro-U.S. regime in France is a good time to renew our key aIIiances
2
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InsideeveryHondatruck
is aHondatruck.
Element CR-V Pilot Odyssey Ridgeline
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in common: Every Honda truckis built on a rigid unibodyframe. And, a unibodyis stronger, safer, smoother, and
quieter-riding than traditional body-on-frame construction. After all, as good looking as Honda trucks are, its whats
inside that counts. Seethe Element, Pilot, Odyssey, Ridgeline and the all-new CR-V inside, and out, at honda.ca.
GREEN WlTH SKEPTlClSM
I AV bI:VA\b and appalled that nuclear
power is even being mentioned after the dis-
asters at Three Mile Island and Chernobyl
Harper Embraces the Nuclear Future,"
National, May ). There are still vast tracts
of Ukraine that are deserted and will remain
uninhabitable for generations due to the
radioactive fallout. Your article skirted around
the issue of waste disposal. A nuclear accident
seems to me a far greater environmental
threat than the buildup of greenhouse gases.
Nuclear power generation is not a solution.
It is trading one set of serious problems for
another. The cost of a couple of nuclear reac-
torsand their waste fuel storage facility
would go a long way toward the costs of pur-
suing other clean, renewable energy.
Kenneth Yates, 8olton, Ont.
vI1L 1L OVINOu: reports of the catas-
trophic effects of climate change, I wonder
how much service environmental groups are
truly doing their causes if they have now
moved to attacking CANDU reactors. A small
amount of radioactive waste is a small price
to pay compared to a wrecked economy or
more global warming.
Farooq }ahan, Surrcy, 8.C.
cANAbA': cukkN1 Green Plan is a pitiful
start in addressing humanity's very survival.
In 1;6(, on behalf of Canada's electrical util-
ities sector, I helped present arguments to a
federal cabinet committee to conserve Can-
ada's energy resources for future generations.
Our recommendations went into oblivion.
Many times, I watched similar efforts go the
same route. This is a tiresome old game pol-
iticians play. Sadly, the present crowd will be
long gone when the sky is falling and we, yet
again, will have no one to hold accountable
for such lacklustre leadership.
ave }. Anderson, jormcr cmploycc oj
SaskPowcr and N8 Powcr, \ictoria
I AV NO1 :uk which is scarier, your cover
of Prime Minister Harper with terrifying
green eyes, or his solution to Canada's environ-
mental crisis." But changing his eye colour
suits him well. He has changed his tune on
the environment to suit his surrounding pol-
itical climate as fast as a chameleon changes
colours to adapt to its surrounding climate!
r. }onathan Ross, Calgary
1O 1L Au1O :c1Ok and electricity provid-
ers: suck it up! You lined your pockets for
decades getting us to the point where drastic
environmental measures would be required.
Mother Nature sent the invoice long ago. You
can't expect us to shed a tear when the col-
lection agency shows up at your door.
avid McLaughlin, london, Ont.
MOTHERHOOD PAYS
I'v }u:1 HNI:Lb reading Kate Fillion's
interview with Ieslie Bennetts, author of Thc
lcmininc Mistakc Interview, May ). Finally
some common sense in this frustrating debate
between the stay-at-home mothers and work-
ing women. Our most important objective
as parents is to provide for our children. Vhat
good is a destitute parent?
Alexandra Mends, SaintcCathcrinc, uc.
LOv :Ab that this pitiful old lady, in the
declining years of her life, should have stored
up so much bitterness, bile and hostility. To
have that amount of frustration, cynicism,
spite and hopelessness crammed into one
mind is really sad. The only thing sadder is
that some young, well-intentioned mothers
will read this book and incorrectly assume
that there is actual substance to it, and will
make misinformed, illogical mistakes, which
they will rue the rest of their lives.
H. avid Coldsmith, Chatham, Ont.
I1': AsOu1 1IV someone nnally spoke the
truth, no matter how politically incorrect.
Yes, stay-at-home mothers should get real
jobs. The suffrage and women's liberation
movements worked darn hard to make sure
women would not have to be dependent on
men and the state for their well-being.
Robin Coates, Ottawa
L:LI sNN11: has reinforced the idea
that men are smarter and better than women,
who cannot function as productive members
of society if we are married or have children.
Does she not know what year this is? I am a
z8-year-old mother. Vomen of my genera-
tion are self-sufncient, educated, and independ-
ent. Has she ever heard of stay-at-home fath-
ers, self-employment and home business?
There are far more options for women now
than there were in my mother's generation.
Alaynee waskahat, Hobbcma, 4lta.
I rkOsAsL\ cOuLb waste some time search-
ing for and quoting statistics on how staying
at home positively affects children, but I'm
going outside to play hockey with my boys.
Enjoy sitting on your throne Ieslie, I'm sure
it's got a great viewbut so does the top of
the slide at the playground.
Carly Koop, Princc Ccorgc, 8.C.
Ak v 1O A::uV that for generations
mothers have been risking their children's
futures by staying at home and having the
father be the primary breadwinner?
Creg Carr, Ottawa
A CRlMlNAL CONVlCTlON
I1 vA: vI1L GkA1 sorrow I nnd out that
John Inglis inicted such harm on young men
The Master Seducer," Crime, May ). I was
a student at Crescent School and remember
vividly that Mr. Inglis would often have the
cool" boys up to his cottage. I recall feeling
excluded from this special group of elites and
wondered what was wrong with me. Ironic-
ally, I was very fortunate not to have been
considered part of his prey. I wish my old
friends well in their recovery.
Murray Snyder, Minncapolis
I bON'1 KNOv what's more outrageous,
knowing that John Inglis sexually abused
boys in his trust or that Mr. Justice Vaillan-
court coddled Inglis by sending him home
with a pat on the tush to sit in his backyard.
As the mother of three young boys, I have
only one wish for John Inglis and Mr. Justice
Are we to assume that for
years stay-at-home mothers have
risked their childrens futures?
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Vaillancourtmay you both rot in hell for the
lives you have each destroyed.
Sandra R. Kennerson, lrin, Ont.
I AV LOkkIHb at Mr. Justice Vaillancourt's
logic in his house arrest sentence for Inglis.
Vhere is the justice for all the young boys he
abused? If I were a victim, or the family of
one of his victims, I would be outraged.
Anne Legge, Calgary
I vA: cLNcLING Maclcan`s so tightly when
I read about John Inglis's sentencing. I am
ashamed of and appalled by our legal sys-
tem and especially Mr. Justice Vaillancourt
for failing the boys whom Inglis molested.
Vhy are we so lenient convicting these
demons of society? Vords cannot describe
my disgust.
Melissa }ones, 8rampton, Ont.
RlGHTS OF WAR
I vLOLLAk1bL\ AGk that it is ludi-
crous to say that Taliban nghters captured by
Canadian troops be given rights under the
Charter Protect the Taliban?," From the
Editors, May ). Having almost lost my own
son to a suicide bomber in Kandahar, I per-
sonally take offence to this proposal. This is
another attempt by misguided groups to
undermine the efforts and progress being
made by the our military in Afghanistan.
Peter Loewen, Mackcnzic, 8.C.
cANAbA bIb NO1 GO to Afghanistan to
change its customs but to help get the coun-
try back on its feet. In this nation-building
process, it is logical that the government of
Afghanistan assume responsibility for all its
people, hence the transfer of prisoners to
Afghan authorities. Their methods of interro-
gation may differ from ours, but if they are
sufnciently effective to elicit crucial informa-
tion from the enemy, it might save Canadian
'JUSTlCE VaiIIancourt coddIed lngIis {above) by sending him home with a pat on the tush'
lives. The Taliban are not combatants and do
not deserve prisoner-of-war status.
}.C. Boulet, Ottawa
\Ouk bI1OkIAL succinctly destroys the
inane arguments proffered by the B.C. Civil
Iiberties Association and Amnesty Inter-
national that our Charter can confer rights
on Afghan citizens captured nghting against
their own government. Our troops should
turn over captured Taliban nghters to the
freely elected sovereign nation of Afghan-
istan. If these groups have concerns, they
should bring them to the Afghan government
and not use our Charter as a back door for
furthering their specious arguments.
Thomas Linning, Pcnticton, 8.C.
\Ouk bI1OkIAL completely misses the point.
Vhat is at stake here is not protecting the
Taliban, but protecting universal human
rights principles such as the ban on torture.
Canada has played a leading role in develop-
ing these principles and cannot stand by when
they are disregarded. It is true that we have
relied on the Charter to make our case. Can-
adian law does not allow international human
rights treaties, ratined by Canada, to be dir-
ectly enforced in court. The means for doing
so is through the Charter. It is our hope and
expectation that the Federal Court will agree
that the Charter applies to the actions of Can-
adian troops overseas, deployed according
to a Canadian government decision and oper-
ating under Canadian lawand that the Char-
ter doesn't allow any complicity in torture.
Alex Neve, Sccrctary Ccncral, 4mncsty
lntcrnational Canada, Ottawa
HOT lN lRAO
I vA: :1kucK by your photos of American
soldiers and the images they've hung on their
walls in Baghdad How to Pass the Var)
Time," Veek in Pictures, May ). In particu-
More women
in politics is
critical to healthy
public discourse
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lar, I was shocked by the contrasting pictures
of nearly naked women in provocative poses
next to those of a soldier's beautiful new baby
girl. I wonder how his wife or girlfriendhav-
ing just given birth to his daughterfeels
knowing that he's enjoying an eyeful of female
esh. And how will he be feeling in zo years
or so if some lad is leering at his little girl in
a similar fashion?
Shannon Matthews, Toronto
LADlES lN THE HOUSE
that Aaron Vherry's piece on
the state of women in politics Endangered
Species Alert," National, April ,o) should
begin with the question, Vhere are all the
powerful women?" but not interview any of
the MPs in the New Democratic Party cau-
cus of which (1 per cent are womenthe
highest percentage of any party in the House
of Commons. Ve have a long way to go to
reach equality for women in politics. Many
things need to change. The nrst is our elec-
toral system. Parties also need to change.
But in the end, attitudes need to change,
too. Having more women in politics isn't
just laudable idealism, it's critical to the
health of public discourse and the viability
of public policy.
lrene Mathyssen, MP, londonlanshawc,
NlP Status oj vomcn Critic
lN PASSlNG
Way Schirra, 8(, astronaut. The only
astronaut to y in NASA's Mercury, Gem-
ini and Apollo programs, he had been a
Korean war veteran and a test pilot. His
nrst space mission was orbiting the earth
six times in the Mercury program. He
was also on the Apollo mission, in which
his crew orbited the moon but didn't
touch down.
Gordon Scott, 8o, actor. Spotted by a
Hollywood producer while working as a
lifeguard, he played Tarzan in six movies
in the late 1;,os. Briey married to Vera
Miles sparking rumoured jealousy in
director Alfred Hitchcock, who had Miles
under contract and was said to be infatu-
ated with her), he later became a nxture
in Italian-made gladiator movies during
the 1;6os.
READ
MARK
STEYN
DAILY FROMTHE
CONRAD BLACK TRIAL
AT MACLEANS.CA
Past imperfect
The Air India inquiry headed by
former Supreme Court justice
John Major is giving Canada's
intelligence community a bad
name, but it's also proving the
wisdom of prying open the nles
more than zo years after the tra-
gedy. It seems the families of the
victims were right in their belief
that the disaster could have been
averted, and that the twin accom-
plices of bureaucratic bumbling
and security turf wars played a
role. Excessive secrecy still cloaks
this case. Major must explore all
avenues, especially the possibil-
ity of a cover-up. Ve suggest
keeping the inquiry open in per-
petuity, if that's what it takes, so
no one ever forgets just how bad
this thing smells.
SiIent as the deep
At long last, B.C. Ferries has
nred the three key employees it
deemed responsible for sinking
the Queen of the North ferry at
a cost of two lives last year. The
dismissals took 1( monthsin
part because two staff on the
bridge refused to discuss how
the ferry hit the rocks, and the
third gave, at best, an incomplete
explanation. Iawyers say their
clients are exercising their right
to silence. The union, meanwhile,
will appeal the dismissals, saying
B.C. Ferries has never told the
whole story of the disaster. Of
course, it's pretty hard to tell the
whole story when three key wit-
nesses aren't talking. If the union
gets its way, maybe the three
could sink another ship and we
can then solve what happened.
lt ain't the HiIton
The ubiquitous Paris Hilton has
been sentenced to (, days in the
slammer for driving with a sus-
pended licence. She claims ignor-
ance, and who can argue with
disease or violence before reach-
ing their nfth birthday in zoo,,
marking the world's worst rise
in child mortality since 1;;o.
Eventually long-term stability, if
not peace, may require diverting
some of those billions to books
and bread.
Honkin' big fIags
A Mexican-born alderwoman in
Aurora City, Ill., has proposed a
ban on driving around the city
blowing car horns and waving
ags. Although the ordinance
doesn't specify which ags, Juany
Garza makes it clear she isn't
talking about the Stars and
Stripes. She wants to educate
my people" about the unseemly
displays of Mexican patriotism
that have been imported north
of the border, during national
holidays and festivals. The ag
is not something you play with,"
she says. Garza also championed
an ordinance requiring Christ-
mas decorations be removed
within 6o days of the holidays, to
combat civic tackiness. Velcome
to the land of the free.
Portraits in eviI
Turns out, according to a newly
released essay by fellow soldier
Alexander Moritz Frey, Adolf
Hitler's wee moustache was nrst
trimmed that way to accommo-
date a gas mask in the First Vorld
Var, but it didn't save the angry
little corporal from being badly
gassed in the trenches. And in
the newly published memoirs of
Joseph Stalin's mother, we learn
that the future dictator was a
sickly, sensitive young boy who
loved owers but was abused by
an alcoholic father. Vord has it
that a forthcoming book on
Chairman Mao might reveal that
he had trouble getting dates in
high school. Talk about the ban-
ality of evil.
that? True, a suspension notice
was found in the glovebox of her
Bentley, but surely she can't be
expected to read all those words?
Naturally, Hilton is appealing
though increasingly less soand
celebrity watchers are divided
in to two camps: those who aren't
sure whether cell time will hurt
her career and those who ask:
what career? Perhaps this is our
chance to enjoy a few weeks
without any Paris news. Still
un accountably at large: Britney
Spears and Iindsay Iohan.
That's show business
You have to hand it to Varner
Bros., they know how to attract
attention. A public storm erup-
ted this week when the U.S.
movie studio cancelled all pre-
view screen ings of its movies in
Canada until Parliament tough-
ens anti-piracy laws and makes
it illegal to bring camcorders
into cinemas. Vho does this pol-
icy hurt? Media companies, who
rely on the screenings to nll their
weekend entertainment sections.
This has been a non-issue in
Ottawa, but now that the studios
have the newspapers in a tizzy,
expect that to change.
That sucking sound
Yet another major Canadian cor-
poration is under siege from
abroad. This time it's aluminum
giant Alcan, being targeted in a
USsz-billion takeover bid by
American rival Alcoa. Coming
on the heels of similar bids for
IionOre Mining, Ipsco, Four
Seasons Hotels, Sunrise REIT,
Algoma Steel and others, Can-
ada's lack of aggression in inter-
national trade is nnally coming
back to bite us. But those who
call for more protectionism have
it backwards: what Canada needs
are more companies willing and
able to expand abroad, not more
excuses to stay home and hide.
Cashing out lraq
The cost to the U.S. of the war in
Iraq is calculated to hit USs(,6
billion by Septemberenough,
says the 8oston Clobc, to feed
and educate the world's poor for
, years. So far, the return on
investment is negligible. Carpet
bombing Iraq with cash hasn't
moved it beyond blood feuds
and tribalism. A new report from
Save the Children reveals one
in eight Iraqi children died of
T
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Good news Bad news
A WEEK !N THE L!FE OF OUEEN EL!ZABETH !!
On a six-day visit to the United States, the Queen commemorated the (ooth anniversary of the
Jamestown settement on Friday. The avid horsewoman fuhed her dream of watching the Ken-
tucky Derby on Saturday. As President George W. Bush stumbed and winked through his ofhcia
wecome on Monday, he earned a "we are not amused" ook from his guest. That evening, the
Queen, wearing a dazzing array of diamonds, attended Bush's hrst white-tie and tais banquet.
FACE OF THE WEEK
WAVE OF HAPPlNESS: The DaIai Lama in Chicago, deIivering a
pubIic taIk on finding inner peace in a worId that's in turmoiI
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donated directly to the organ-
izers a purse with the word free-
dom" on it.
In Regina recently, Stronach
gave her nrst major speech since
announcing she was taking a
break from political life. The
occasion was a Deloitte Vomen's
Ieadership Initiative breakfast.
Stronach discussed dencit wrest-
ling, women in politics, and how
Stephen Harper's child-care
program is a huge help if you
happen to keep your child in
daycare for exactly (o minutes
a day." She also passed on valu-
able political lessons she learned,
such as no matter how much
you think you know someone,
you never really know them. I
look back on my time in the Con-
servative party and I think to
myself, 'Stephen, if only I'd
known you cared so much about
makeup jreferring to the PM's
personal stylist], perhaps we
could have bonded over our
choice of lip gloss.' " She told the
women as well that maybe you
should think twice before dating
a guy in your workplace."
Stronach has also been
busy raising money
for the Iiberals. She
recently attended a fundraiser
for Ontario MP Susan Kadis,
who will be nghting Tory candi-
date Peter Kent in Thornhill.
Vith Stronach's depar-
ture, Iiberal fund-
raising types are
looking forward
to the future cash-
generating appeal
of Justin Trudeau.
Though his win has
already sparked a few unexpected
nnancial offers. Vivian Barbot,
the Bloc MP who now holds the
riding where Trudeau will run,
says she received an email from
a Torontonian asking how he
could contribute to her campaign
and block Trudeau from becom-
ing an MP. It's the second cam-
paign donation offer she's had
from outside Quebec.
SWIMSUIT-EDITION
FIREFIGHTERS?
Nova Scotia NDP MP Peter Stof-
fer is busy organizing his annual
All-Party Party. MPs pay to attend,
but the rest of the Hill workers
from MPs' assistants to cleaning
staffget in free. Any proceeds
from the party are donated to a
particular charity. This year it's
for muscular dystrophy because
we are doing it in association
with the nrenghters," says Stof-
fer. I asked them to give me 1z
guys who can help serve the
drinks. I asked for the swimsuit-
edition guys. The real good-look-
ing fellas." Capital Diary is pretty
sure Stoffer meant to say he asked
for the hunky charity-calendar
nrenghters.
STRONACH BOMBS
After Stphane Dion, Bob Rae
and Ken Dryden nnished sling-
ing drinks in the leader of the
Opposition's ofnces for a revival
of the once-traditional Vednes-
day drinks party, several Iiberal
folks hit an after-party. It was
there that young Iiberals like
Perry Tsergas and Richard Zuss-
man brought out Frank's Energy
Drink named after Magna mogul
Frank Stronach) and mixed it
with Jgermeister to create what
they call Stronach Bombs," a
new take on Jger Bombs, a mix
of Jgermeister and the energy
drink Red Bull.
WHY IS PETER
MACKAY COLLECTING
PURSES?
Former Saint John, N.B., Tory
MP and notorious ashy-sweater-
wearer Esie Wayne recently vis-
ited the Hill. Iiberal trouble-
maker Mark Eyking, a Nova
Scotia MP, had Vayne gasping
and making the sign of the cross
when he joked, Hey, Scott
Brison is looking for you." In
zoo,, Vayne said gay people
should shut up" about marriage,
and Brison called for her resig-
nation as deputy leader of the
Progressive Conservatives.
One MP says he heard
Brison call Vayne a
dinosaur in drag."
Vayne was in Ottawa
for the National Prayer
Breakfast, and also deliv-
ered two purses one wine-col-
oured, one gold) to Peter Mac-
Kay. The foreign affairs minister
is helping collect purses for Hali-
fax's Scarlet Soiree, where money
from a celebrity-purse silent
auction will go to the Silent Vit-
ness Nova Scotia Project, a pro-
gram to remember women killed
by a partner or acquaintance.
Political organizer Key Regan,
wife of Halifax Iiberal MP Geoff
Regan, donated directly to the
soiree the purse she carried
when she met Queen Eizabeth
II in 1;;( that was the only
time she used it). Soon-to-retire
MP Beinda Stronach also
H|IC|| |k|k|| 4 ||||4|k \I|4kC,
\I|||4 k|||| k4| ||| C|\\ |4||4C
ON THE WEB: For mor Ottawa
outtaks or to contact Mitchl
Raphal, visit macIeans.caJ
mitcheIraphaeI
HOW MUCH for EIsie's purses7
PARTlERS Zussman {Ieft), Tsergas; {inset) Stronach
VlVlAN BARBOT {inset) is
getting anti-Justin donations
8
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It's springtime, and the Parti
Qubcois leaders are fall-
ing. Andr Boisclair's forced
exit nlls a Quebec watcher
with nostalgia. Memories:
In 1;;o or 1;;1so long
ago I can't remember when
1oo,ooo people marched
past my apartment building on Sherbrooke
Street behind a banner that read, l`4n
prochain mon pays. Next year my country.
For several months in 1;;8 or so, the Bloc
Qubcois website carried the slogan, In
pays pour l`an 2666." A country for the year
zooo. I remember the week they took that
off the website. I wondered which Vinston
Smith was responsible for whisking that prom-
ise into the memory hole.
In zoo1, during the Summit of the Amer-
icas in Quebec City, Bernard Iandry was tell-
ing everyone his goal was for Quebec to attend
the next summit as a sovereign country. The
next summit was in zoo,.
Iangston Hughes wondered what happens
to a dream deferred. Depends on the dream.
This one's getting silly. Ren Ivesque lost
control of the PQ over an i. He wrote about
the sovereign Quebec, quc nous croyions si
prochc ct tcllcmcnt indispcnsablc"which we
thought was so close and totally indispens-
able. Jacques Parizeau quit the cabinet over
the 'i' in croyions," which put the dream in
the past tense. Soon enough Pierre Marc John-
son, Ivesque's replacement, became a snack
for the Parizeau wing of the party, too.
Parizeau himself, far and away the most
formidable opponent the country has seen,
came to within a hair of winning the 1;;,
referendum. I know Iucien Bouchard gets
the credit for that, but isn't it clear by now
that Bouchard would never have called the
referendum? Anyway, Parizeau quit the mor-
ning after his referendum loss, only to repeat
on his successors now and then like a bad
knackwurst. Bouchard, too, nnally quit when
he got tired of bridging the gap between a
PQ hard core that was too obsessed with
secession and a Quebec population that
couldn't care less.
Vho are we up to? Ah, yes, Bernard Iandry.
He complained that from his ofnce window
in Quebec City all you could see were Can-
adian ags. At the National Post, one of our
editors asked Iandry's ofnce whether we
could send a photographer to get a picture
of the offending spectacle. No dice. How is
that any fun at all? Nobody misses Iandry.
He used to call Jean Charest a balloon the PQ
would deate. Then he got Charest elected
premier. That would make Iandry, I don't
know, a pump, I suppose.
Vhen Iandry became premier, an adviser
to Paul Martin phoned me to predict there
would be a sovereignty referendum within
18 months. l`an prochain mon pays. This is
the preferred response in genteel precincts
to the arrival of each new PQ leader: a sort
of decorous fretting, based on the assump-
tion that the new guy will nnd a way to suc-
ceed where so many have face-planted before.
Iandry managed to go out with a bit of
panache, at least. His party gave him an insult-
ing score in a leadership review6.z per
cent. Iandry, who always claimed ,o per cent
plus one was enough support to justify seces-
sion, decided that ,o per cent plus, er, z6.z
per cent wasn't enough to atter his self-image.
So he up and quit, slightly marring the ges-
ture's cclat by trying on several subsequent
occasions to un-quit.
Along comes Boisclair. In hindsight this
week, everyone said they always ngured him
for a bum, but in fact he made short work of
formidable opponents because the consen-
sus among PQ members was that he was
something close to a rock star. He was young.
He was handsome. Most importantly he was
eager to do what any man must to become
the PQ's leader: praise to the heavens its latest,
radically unrealistic platform, which called
for a secession referendum on the heels of
an election victory. His late-breaking outburst
of lucidity after his recent election debacle
has to be seen through this lens. Vhat the
PQ needed was a leader who could talk sense
to them on his way to the top job. But talk-
ing sense does not make you PQ leader.
Vhich brings us to Gilles Duceppe. He
has been heckling federalists for so long he
has nnally become good at it. At every fed-
eral election we hear from a voter in Mani-
toba or New Brunswick who wishes she could
vote for him. Few have noticed that he has
never expressed substantive disagreement
with any PQ leader on anything, which is to
say that he has no ideas. If he takes over the
PQ he will spend half his time attering his
new party's hard line and half his time reassur-
ing everyone else that the hard line doesn't
own him. Every PQ leader did the same
except Parizeau. Eventually the logic gap
swallowed them and it will swallow him.
Sovereignty cannot win in Quebec unless
federalists help it, whether by treating the
Constitution as a disgrace, as Brian Mulro-
ney did, or by calling the latest scandal the
worst ever, as Paul Martin did. Duceppe's
departure from Ottawa to Quebec will cause
no serious debate about the future of the
sovereignty movement in either capital. l`an
prochain, votrc pays lc Canada.
What the PQ needed was a eader to tak
sensebut that won`t make you PQ eader
PAUL
WELLS
ON THE WEB: For mor Paul Vlls, visit
his blog at www.macIeans.caJinkIessweIIs
OPINION
Andic
Boisclaii
and ihc
Pcquisic
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One of the curious things
about NHI hockey is that
the games only get good
once the players stop being
paid. During the regular
season, NHIers act a lot like
salaried employees every-
where. They punch the clock,
work their hours, and pull just enough of their
weight to keep from getting nred. But the
paycheques end when the playoffs start, and
it is literally a whole other game. High-scor-
ing forwards discover the art of backchecking,
defencemen prostrate themselves in front of
slapshots, and everyone plays hurt.
So what are they playing for, if it isn't the
money? Bragging rights, certainly. Glory. The
chance to have their names engraved on the
most famous sports trophy in the world. But
more than that, they are playing for a con-
cept so musty, so laughably outdated, that it
is hard to write it with a straight face: they
are playing for honour.
Remember honour? It was for hundreds
of years a social virtue, reecting the sorts of
qualities that gentlemen were expected to
have: dignity, integrity, courage and so on.
Emerging out of medieval chivalric codes,
honour had by the 18th century become an
aristocratic quality that reected a man's
reputation, his sense of self-worth, and the
esteem in which he was held by his peers.
As men of honour, the male members of
the upper classes reserved the right to settle
their disputes among themselves, without
recourse to or interference by the state. Those
whose honour had been impugned had the
right to demand satisfaction, which usually
involved either a public apology or a meet-
ing," which was what the typically understated
English called a duel. Nobody takes duelling
seriously these days, and the only people who
issue invitations to step outside to settle this
like men" are drunks in sports bars. An even
more degenerate form of honour is respect,"
the hip-hop code of obligatory street defer-
ence that has gotten so many young men
killed. But in its heyday, duelling was a deadly
serious attempt by the upper crust at resist-
ing the encroachments of the modern state.
And unlike the hip-hop code, the old honour
system at least had the merit of preserving
virtues such as sincerity and honesty, not just
status for its own sake. The members of the
bourgeoisie might have needed contracts,
courts, and positive law to regulate
affairs, but within the aristocracy of honour
a man needed only his word and a good set
of duelling pistols.
Honour could not survive the rise of the
growing bourgeoisie and the much more
uid class system it created, as men of sub-
stance found it more congenial to seek satis-
faction in the civil courts than nre a ball
through a colleague's breastbone. Today,
honour survives only in small and isolated
precincts of male society, places like the mil-
itary and professional sports, where courage,
selessness, and sportsmanship are still vital
character traits, and where how you behave
in front of your peers matters more than
money, more than health, maybe even more
than life itself.
A lot of people nnd this incredible. That is
why there is such an uproar whenever the
hazing practices of elite commando units or
university football teams are made public.
Most members of the public have no experi-
ence with communities of honour, and so
can't understand that something higher than
mere comfort might be at stake. This deaf-
ness to the dynamics of honour also explains
why so much of the debate over the Todd Ber-
tuzzi/Steve Moore affair consisted of people
talking past one another. For outsiders, it was
patently obvious that Bertuzzi had assaulted
Moore. But when people inside the NHI
defended Bertuzzi by saying that Moore should
have simply allowed himself to get beat up,
they were appealing to an old-fashioned code
that governs relations among players in the
NHI. It might not look honourable to our
eyes, but then neither does duelling.
Vhich brings us to last week's parliament-
ary disgrace, the investigation of Shane Doan.
To refresh your memory, Doan was accused
of making a disparaging or culturally insensi-
tive," according to the CBC) remark
to a French Canadian referee dur-
ing a game in zoo,. Iiberal MP
Denis Coderre tried to get Doan
thrown off the Olympic team last
year, and while he failed in that, his
efforts at stirring up trouble have
not gone unrewarded. Doan was
appointed captain of the Canadian
team currently playing at the Vorld
Championships in Moscow, and the
Bloc Qubcois managed to get a
motion passed demanding that ofn-
cials from Hockey Canada appear
before the House of Commons com-
mittee of ofncial languages to explain
their decision.
Vhat is at issue here is not whether
Shane Doan uttered a slur against
French Canadian referees while on
the ice, it is that it is none of Parlia-
ment's business. The referees are
as much a part of the hockey code"
as the players, and they are party to the inter-
nal set of protocols for settling these things.
Indeed, by all accounts the affair been
settled, until Coderre stuck his nose where
it didn't belong.
The irony, too, is that Shane Doan was being
investigated for cultural insensitivity by a group
of people who routinely call one another the
most appalling things in the House of Com-
mons anyway. They tend to clam up once they
get outside the legal protection of the Com-
mons, which only serves to underscore the
ludicrousness of MPs continuing to style them-
selves as honourable." In other words, Shane
Doan, who is spending his vacation serving
his country abroad, nnds his honour ques-
tioned by a group of people who have proven
time and time again that they have none.
ANDREW
POTTER
ON THE WEB: For mor /norw Pottr, visit
his blog at www.macIeans.caJandrewpotter
Whether or not Shane Doan uttered a sur
on the ice is none of Pariament`s business
OPINION
Whai
would oui
MPs Lnow
aboui
honoui?

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Wealth and Risk Management
Before you can be in the money
you have to be on the money.
gluskinsheff.com
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O
Middlcagcd pcoplc jokc
about having scnior mo
mcnts, yct privatcly, many
pcoplc arc tcrricd whcn
thcy start to blank on namcs
and so jorth. How worricd
should wc bc about mcmory loss?
Occasionally misplacing your sunglasses
and nnding that they're on the top of your
head is irritating but it's not pathological.
There is such a thing as perfectly normal mid-
life, age-related memory impairment. There's
a change in processing speed that occurs in
your late twenties, but you don't feel it then
because you have what I refer to very unscien-
tincally as a spare suitcase of neurons and
synaptic connections, and these will hold you
through your late twenties and thirties and
oftentimes into your early forties. Scientists
refer to that suitcase as cognitive reserve, and
how much you have has a lot to do with how
you've lived your life.
ln your ncw book, Carved in Sand: Vhen
Attention Fails and Memory Fades in Midlife,
you dcscribc how you wcrc cvaluatcd and diag
noscd by cxpcrts and tricd 16 scparatc intcr
vcntions to try to improvc your mcmory. 4t
onc point, you tricd a stimulant commonly
prcscribcd jor 4lHl, and your mcmory and
ability to jocus improvcd dramatically. lt madc
mc jccl likc running out and gctting somc kit
alin. ls thcrc any rcason not to?
There's a darn good reason. You'd be
very focused during the day, you'd almost be
hyper-focused, and you'd get lots of work done.
If you're having word loss issues, those will be
to a large part resolved, and if you're having
spatial issues, like you forget how to drive
places you've been before and this is a rela-
tively new problem for you, that will be resolved,
because you will have a nice kick of dopamine
in your bloodstream and your neurons will
be snapping it up like nobody's business.
That sounds jantastic.
Check it out at nve in the afternoon:
you will be in withdrawal. If you're an adult,
at , p.m. you must be functional, you must
have empathy, you must relate to the people
around you, you cannot be in withdrawal. It
wasn't doable for me. But there's a drug called
Provigil that was approved for narcolepsy and
excessive daytime sleepiness, which has some
wonderful characteristics in terms of enhan-
cing attention without the withdrawal.
ou tricd it jor your book, but do you still
takc Provigil?
Occasionally. It's a cognitive enhancer,
and I think it's the nrst generation of a drug
many of us will be taking in the future.
ou jound that a lot oj thc normal con
ditions oj modcrn lijctoo much strcss, too
many tcchnological dcviccs crcating constant
intcrruptionsarc linkcd to mcmory impair
mcnt. 4rc wc worsc ojj in tcrms oj mcmory
than pcoplc wcrc, say, 166 ycars ago?
In addition to the ,oo or so mid-life
individuals that I interviewed, I decided to
talk to people in their os and 8os because I
wanted to know how they felt when they were
in mid-life. And one after another these very
with-it people said, I don't remember any-
thing like jmemory loss] in middle age."
Vhat's different is that we are now subject
to relentless, uncontrolled information ow.
It used to be that to have information hit
you, you had to answer the phone or answer
the door, it was all optional. That's not the
case any more. You can't be in the workplace
without having a constant ow of informa-
tion from your email, your voicemail. In a
recent study, some investigators went into
an IT corporation thinking they'd do an
assessment of how often interruptions occur
in the workplace. They were thinking every
1, minutes or so, but they found it was ap-
proximately every three minutes, and that
only two-thirds of the work was resumed on
the same day after the interruption. So in
other words, one-third of your work was out
the window after an interruption! People
who've stopped multi-tasking feel vastly
more relaxed and make far fewer errors.
lj you makc othcr basic lijcstylc changcs
can you improvc your mcmory?
Absolutely. In mid-life we're not nor-
mally suffering from actual memory loss.
People say all the time, My memory's going,"
but a lot of other things are lumped under
the heading of memory. Real, true memory
loss is this: someone hands you a multiple
choice vocabulary test and you cannot denne
words you've known all your life. That is
very serious business, it's certainly a sugges-
tion that you're beginning to decline into
some form of dementia. That does not hap-
Whenpeoplearechronicallyshort of
sleep, whats important gets shakenup
withimmaterial things. Its all ablur.
CATHRYN JAKOBSON RAMlN TALKS WlTH KATE FlLLlON ABOUT MEMORY
LOSS, NEUROSClENCE AND WHAT DRlNKlNG DOES TO YOUR BRAlN
14

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pen in mid-life, typically. Vhat does happen
is we experience a substantial change in
attention, and we are far more distractible.
One scientist described it this way: there's
this neural bouncer we have when we're
youngertry to envision the nightclub boun-
cer with his hand on the velvet ropeand it
keeps unnecessary information from innl-
trating, so that we remain more focused and
have better concentration. But as we age,
the neural bouncer goes on multiple coffee
breaks, and all sorts of riff-raff start to get
in. Vhat lifestyle changes do you need to
make to deal with that? Nutrition is a very
important factor. Some fairly new research
shows without a doubt that obesity, hyper-
tension and diabetes get you on the fast
track to Alzheimer's disease.
So thc samc kind oj dict you nccd to
kccp your body and hcart hcalthy also kccps
your brain working?

Yes, especially antioxidants.

People say, Nobody can
eat eight servings of fruit
and vegetables a day." It's
really hard to do unless
you're a grazing animal,
and it's not cheap. Get as many as you can,
but also don't be afraid to supplement
though supplements alone are not a good
choice, because they are not absorbed in the
gut in the same way.
You also want to think about more omega-
,s than would normally be necessary for your
heart. The way these supplements work is to
maintain exibility of the cell wall of the
neuron, so information can be conducted
quickly, the stiffer the cell wall becomes, the
more sluggish processing becomes. I also take
vitamin E and magnesium, because some
studies show that much of the cognitive fog-
giness people experience in mid-life is very
likely due to insufncient magnesium.
lct`s talk about slccp. Thc stcrcotypc is
that wc nccd lcss as wc agc, but you say wc still
nccd cight hoursit`s just hardcr and hardcr
to gct it in midlijc bccausc oj hormonal chan
gcs and changcs in thc brain.
Memory is consolidated during sleep.
Unfortunately, our sleep cycles get shorter
and shorter, and we wake up in-between them.
Ve need to get three full cycles of sleep in
order to make it through the whole process,
and each one of those cycles takes about z.,
hours. If you're only sleeping nve hours a
night, you can't possibly be getting through
three full cycles.
I refer to what's going on during sleep as
the visit of the neural housekeeping staff,
which sweeps out all the irrelevant informa-
tion from the course of that day: what your
co-workers wore, what someone else had for
lunch. But when people are chronically short
of sleep, what's important doesn't necessar-
ily get remembered, it is all jammed together
and shaken up with immaterial things. It all
becomes a blur.
ou jound that many common ovcrthc
countcr and prcscription mcdications impair
cognitivc junctioning and mcmory in somc
way. vhy don`t doctors cvcr mcntion this?
Physicians are primarily there to help
you out with your main complaint. So if you
come in and say, Doctor, I am wildly anx-
ious, it's interfering with my life," they will,
in all likelihood, write you a prescription for
an anti-anxiety drug and say, Take this for
two weeks, then call and let me know how
you feel." If you call and say, I liked that,
give me a renll," many will give you one. A
wide range of antihistamines, anti-anxiety
drugs, antidepressants, some drugs that affect
bladder controlthere's a vast range of drugs
that affect memory. Any time a drug's label
says, This may make you drowsy," you can
replace the word drowsy" with stupid," and
you'll have a pretty good idea of the poten-
tial side effects. It's very important to say to
your physician, Are there cognitive side
effects?" Physicians do not want to tell you
that there are, because, nrst, the power of
suggestion is very great. And they do not wish
to tell you that certain drugs, which people
take for hypertension, have cognitive side
effects, because they are also critically import-
ant for maintaining control over hyperten-
sion. Doctors never mention that chemo has
cognitive side effects, either.
vhat arc somc things thc avcragc middlc
agcd pcrson could start doing tomorrow to
improvc hcr mcmory?
Dennitely cut out the trans fat, lose some
weight, and then make sure you're getting
plenty of aerobic exercise. Studies are now
showing that getting the blood pumping to
the braintaking an extremely fast walk on
hills, or getting on an elliptical trainer, or tak-
ing salsa dancinganything that gets your
heart rate up to a high level and sustains it,
two to three times a week, is important.
lj you start doing somc oj thosc things,
can you stavc ojj 4lzhcimcr`s?
That is sure what it looks like. Ve were
fed this line that this is a disease of old age,
but the seeds are planted in mid-life, if not
earlier. There is a genetic aspect to Alzheimer's
disease, no doubt about it, but this is not a
deterministic gene. There have been twin
studies done, and there are many ongoing
which will show that among identical 8o-year-
old twins, one will develop the disease, and
one won't. There is something going on here,
and that's lifestyle. Did you drink heavily?
Did you smoke? These two things are pretty
terrible for your brain. People say, Vhat
about that research showing red wine is really
good for your brain?" The newer research
shows that the ideal quantity is about half a
glass of wine two to three times a week. That
would be a medicinal drinking habit. The sad
part is that people don't drink half a glass,
they'll drink two glasses. If you happen to
carry one of the genetic variants that slightly
increases your risk of developing Alzheimer's
disease, drinking exacerbates that. Many
things exacerbate that risk, but alcohol is one
of the major known ones.
Knowing all that you know about mcm
ory and thc brain, what would you do ij you
wcrc diagnoscd with 4lzhcimcr`s discasc
tomorrow?
First of all, I would make sure that that
diagnosis occurred at a major university re-
search centredon't trust an internist, or even
necessarily a neurologist in private practice.
And I would devote myself to being in clinical
trials for research purposes. The trials are chan-
ging constantly, but there are many: different
kinds of drug trials, vaccine trials, shunt trials.
Some of these are going to be the winners, but
the only thing that's going to allow us to have
this conclusive evidence is if enough people
volunteer to participate in these protocols. The
earlier the diagnosis is made correctly, which
is the tricky part, the earlier you could begin
a protocol and the better chance you will have
of either slowing the process of the disease or
potentially stopping it in its tracks.
ON THE WEB: For xclusiv auoio, vioo ano
intrviw poocasts, visit:
www.macIeans.caJmediaroom

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Wo|como lo a p|aco wnoro
arlic|os spoak or lnomso|vos.
Wnoro oobalos navo no
moooralors ano opinions aro
snaroo across conlinonls.
nol jusl boaroroom lab|os.
From poocasls lo viooos ano
ovorylning in bolwoon. gol
lno slory bonino lno slory al
lno|iving|ink.ca/mac|oans.
wo|como lo
lno numan nolwork. TM
2007 Cisco Systems Inc. All rights reserved.
BY COLIN CAMPBELL AND JOHN INTINI
Paul Champ, the lawyer representing Amnesty
International Canada and the British Colum-
bia Civil Iiberties Association, was minutes
from making his submissions in Federal Court
last week to stop the further transfer by Can-
adian Forces of Afghan prisoners into the
hands of Afghan authorities. Vhile waiting
for the judge to arrive and getting his game
face" on, as he puts it, an aide rushed into
the packed courtroom and handed govern-
ment lawyers a nle, which was then dropped
on Champ's desk. It was a new detainee
agreement.
The document was a stunning break in a
case that had thrown the Conservatives into
an uncharacteristic panic. They were doing
everything they could not to have this motion
go ahead," says Champ. They were begging
the court." Vhile Amnesty argues that the
new agreement doesn't go far enoughit
allows for greater monitoring of detainees
but doesn't halt transfersit is still a major
concession. Vithout the court challenge, said
the judge, the agreement, signed and faxed
over from Kabul just hours before it appeared,
would likely not have emerged.
The allegations of detainee abuse were fast
becoming a ashpoint for opponents of Can-
ada's mission in Afghanistan. It's a clear
example that the mission is awed," says Joe
Cressy, the Ottawa-based youth director of
the Canadian Peace Alliance. But Amnesty
goes out of its way to say it's not opposed to
Canada's military in Afghanistannor are they
apologists for the Taliban. They are, however,
doing more than anyone to raise important
questions about Canada's role in the war.
Today's anti-war movement has less to do with
peaceniks carrying placards and more about
professional advocates and institutions acting
as watchdogs. Most of the hot-button issues
that have emerged out of the mission to Afghan-
istan, and more broadly from Canada's war
on terrorincluding Maher Arar's rendition
to Syria and the use of security certincates to
detain suspected terroristshave been fought
by rights groups like Amnesty in the courts
and at public hearings, not in the public squares
by outraged citizens. It's not something you
see in the streets," says Matthew Behrens, who
runs Toronto-based Homes Not Bombs. You
have to go and sit in the Federal Court."
Polls taken in the last year have consistently
shown support for Canada's z,,oo-troop mis-
sion hovering around ,o per cent it's been as
low as (( per cent and as high as , per cent).
In April, the same month six Canadian troops
were killed by a roadside bomb outside of Kan-
dahar, an Ipsos-Reid poll revealed that ,z per
cent of Canadians still supported the military
effort during which ,( soldiers and one dip-
WKk!|\|k Kk|||8|| !
k8!|Wkk |k!|\!\?
Porget peaceniks. The
fights no Ionger in the
streets but in the courts

NATIONAL
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lomat have been killed). And the divide is
regional: while 6( per cent of Albertans don't
even oppose the idea of troops roughing up
or manhandling" Taliban prisoners, 1 per
cent of Quebecers don't want the Canadian
Forces to be playing any combat role in Afghan-
istan whatsoever. Overall, when asked by poll-
sters, (, per cent of Canadians oppose the use
of our troops in Afghanistan for security and
combat. The split makes for a complex anti-
war message. It's not a zo-second sound bite,"
says NDP defence critic Dawn Black.
For most, the war doesn't hit home enough
to force them into action. There's no military
draft, which has traditionally led to dissent,
and reservists are only sent over if they vol-
unteer. And left-wing fringe groups don't
seem to hold much appeal to the average
opponent of war. Some people may not, for
instance, support the fact that in late March,
members of the Canadian Peace Alliance
attended a conference in Cairo that also
included representatives from Hamas and
Hezbollahboth of which are on Canada's
list of terrorist organizations.) Canadians are
also keenly aware of who they're up against
the Taliban. Even those who have misgiv-
ings about the mission must understand that
the Canadian forces in Afghanistan are facing
a uniquely repulsive opponent," says David
Frum, a fellow with the American Enterprise
Institute. This is one of those debates where
you have to be prepared to answer the ques-
tion: so what would you do instead? That's a
difncult question to answer."
There's also the issue of fatigue. Move-
ments go through cycles," says David Ian-
gille, the director of the
Toronto-based Centre for
Social Justice. Not long ago
we hit the streets in massive
numbers in the lead-up to
the war in Iraq. It's hard to sustain that level
of activity with organizations that operate
on a shoestring. Activists get burned out."
Today's anti-war movementif it can even
be called thatis being fought and debated
on other levels, whether on the Internet, in
churches, or between members of NGOs,
says Ernie Regehr, a senior policy adviser for
Project Ploughshares, a faith-based anti-war
organization that seeks to inuence govern-
ment and NGOs. Anti-war groups recognize
that times have changed. Our role is not at
this point to mobilize but to engage in edu-
cation and outreach," says Cressy.
All of this helps explain the dismal turnout
at peace rallies. On March 1, protests were
held in at least 1o Canadian cities. Sounds
impressive, until you consider the size of the
crowdsOttawa, zoo, Toronto, zoo, Vinni-
peg, zoo, Halifax, 1oo. Hamilton drew 1o,
people and a golden Iab that made as much
noise as any protester," according to a local
newspaper report. Aside from the occasional
are-up, large protests are not even happen-
ing on university campuses even in the peace-
loving province of Quebec). Polls indicate
that younger Canadians are more opposed
to the war than older generationsjust not
enough to drive thousands into the streets.
Canadians aren't as wired for protest as
Europeans and Americans. Vhile activists
point proudly to several moments in their
historyVietnam, cruise-missile testing in
the '8os, Iraqcritics contend that Canada
has never had a serious grassroots anti-war
movement. Separatism is what a big grass-
roots movement looks like here," says Michael
Neumann, a philosophy professor at Trent
University and author of vhat`s lcjt kadical
Politics and thc kadical Psychc. Canada has
never had a sixties-style left." Neumann argues
that one of the problems is the left's war pos-
ition. The left can't connect with it because
it doesn't involve high principles," he says.
It's not that the war is violating important
principles or in a bad cause."
Others say that the image that Canadians
hold of their country as a global peacekeeper
has muted the anti-war movement. Even those
on the inside admit that activists themselves
are divided over Canada's role in Afghanistan.
Some groups argue that NATO intervention
is abhorrent and imperialistic. Others think
Canada can do good in Afghanistan, but are
concerned about our troops being involved
in counter-insurgency warfare. It's hard to
mobilize people around a choice of military
tactics," says Iangille. Right now Afghan-
istan isn't clear-cut enough to provoke a mass
mobilization."
As well, veterans of the '6o's anti-war move-
ment concede that we're living in a less ideal-
istic era. Generations have become much
more cynical and despairingperhaps more
realistic than we wereand preoccupied with
paying the rent," says Iangille. That doesn't
mean they don't care about the issues. To
some extent, they don't have the time."
Amnesty and the BCCIA certainly do. They
may continue with the injunction in a month
or so, after reviewing the new agreement. At
the very least, they've proven themselves
capable of getting the government's atten-
tion. I don't think Col. Steven Noonan ja
former commander in Afghanistan] or Col-
leen Swords, an assistant deputy minister at
foreign affairs, were very happy," says Champ,
that they had to take time from their days
to swear an afndavit and then come down
and be cross-examined by me." Human rights
groups have been a thorn in the government's
side. They're not anti-war, but that may just
be the secret to their success.
UNL!KE !RAO, 'AFGHAN!STAN !SN'T
CLEAR-CUT ENOUGH TO PROVOKE
A MASS MOB!L!ZAT!ON'
PROTESTS against the lraq war, opposite
page and Ieft, had some momentum. Afghan-
istan protests {above) have been sparse.
17

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over shenanigans happening with the Bloc,
sources said, but Duceppe had equally good
reasons to be upset by Boisclair's remarks.
There was a cabal, indeed, but it was run
mostly by Pquistes sending signals that
Duceppe could be needed in Quebec City
soon. By launching his fragmentation bomb,
and then resigning, Boisclair was practising
what the French call la politiquc du pirc
worsening an already rotten situation in order
to make radical reforms unavoidable.
Some PQ members think a fresh new leader
with a high pronlesay, a Gilles Duceppeis
all they need to get back on the sunny side
of the street. But others say leadership is only
a small part of their problem, and that the
party needs serious time to rethink and retool
if it wants to become relevant and popular
ever again. Mr. Boisclair's departure doesn't
solve any of our problems. And with a new
leader, we'll have solved only a small fraction
BY BENOIT AUBIN At nrst, the spectacle
last weekend of Quebec's two main separa-
tist leaders feuding over the rudder on their
sinking ship looked like the kind of mildly
entertaining political slapstick that has
become a trademark of Pquiste politics over
the years. But then on Tuesday, the fresh
political blood spilled on the oor of the
province's National Assembly showed that
the melodrama was, in fact, a dark tragedy
unfolding in real life for the battered, strug-
gling separatist forces.
Parti Qubcois leader Andr Boisclair
took one of the several guns pointed at his
head, and pulled the trigger himself. Eight-
een months after conquering a crowded
neld to take the PQ leadership, Boisclair, (1,
resigned as head of the party just hours
before battered PQ MNAs limped into their
seatsout of the way, under the media
bleachers, as bents a third partyin the his-
toric session that opened this week under
a Iiberal minority government. Boisclair
was already bleeding from a million cuts,
and was left with no option but to resign
crocodile tears shed by his caucus notwith-
standing. He had lost his last-ditch support-
ers after attacking Bloc Qubcois leader
Gilles Duceppe, telling him to back off
attempts at undermining his leadership.
Duceppe reportedly went ballistic over the
attacknot the nrst skirmish between the
two. For public consumption, he said repeat-
edly he would not even so
much as think of coming
to Quebec City as long as
Boisclair was there.
Vith Boisclair now gone,
Duceppe is left contemplating a depressing
dilemma: stay put in Ottawa, and risk taking
the same kind of drubbing in the next federal
election that Quebec voters gave the PQ in
the last provincial one, or take charge of a
provincial party that is, by all accounts, broke,
demoralized and divideda spent force in
need of a massive overhaul, if not already
beyond repair. I don't see how the situation
could get any worse than this," a former PQ
apparatchik with links to the Bloc told Mac
lcan`s, shortly after Boisclair's resignation.
Boisclair had good reasons to be paranoid
of these," PQ MNA Sylvain Simard says. Ve
must admit we have a tremendous amount
of work to do, just to be able to reconnect
with the public."
Party members say the PQ is choking from
an excess of democracy. Yves Duhaime, a for-
mer PQ cabinet minister who ran against
Duceppe for the Bloc leadership, points out
that Boisclair has been elected with a major-
ity on the nrst round in a vote of all party
members, but, as leader, had no control over
who would chair the party, staff its executive
committee, even over who should be a can-
didate and where." These decisions belong
to the membership, the riding associations,
or their presidentsto the apparatchiks,
known to snack on their leaders as soon as
they stray from the orthodoxy.
And there is, of course, that orthodoxy.
Vhat's a separatist party to do when only a
minority of voters support separation? Right
now, the hot political commodities in Que-
bec have emerged from the centre of what
used to be the separatist vs. centralist divide.
The federal Conservatives, preaching a fed-
eralism of openness," are organizing, dis-
creetly but massively, in the province, and
Mario Dumont's Action dmocratique du
Qubec is all the rage with its stance of assert-
iveness for Quebec but no referendum."
In this juncture, what the separatists need
may not be so much a nrebrand leader as a
keeper of the ame. A very patient one.
MAYBE WHAT THE PART!
OUBCO!S NEEDS !S A KEEPER OF
THE FLAMEA VERY PAT!ENT ONE
BEFORE THE FALL: Duceppe reportedIy went baIIistic over the attack by BoiscIair
Between the BIoc
and a hard pIace
Does GiIIes Duceppe
reaIIy want the job now
that BoiscIairs gone7
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ship race last year. If I lived by the polls, I
probably wouldn't be here."
Yet the Calgary papers have become a daily
litany of complaints that the city is being
shabbily treated, from a failure to implement
meaningful tenant protections despite some
landlords in Alberta's heated market hiking
rents by s1,ooo or more, to descriptions of
rabid anti-Calgary hoopla among PC mem-
bers at last weekend's annual general meet-
ing in Edmonton. That AGM also saw Joe
Iougheed, a (1-year-old Calgary lawyer and
Peter's youngest son, lose a party presidency
vote to an Edmontonian. Iougheed was said
to lack organizing experience and a pronle
in the party, but his defeat is still widely seen
as yet another Calgary slapdown. Joe
Iougheed, given this history, becomes a
symbol," says the University of Calgary's
David Taras. And the symbol isdoes
Calgary get to be at the table?" At least
Iougheed can say he was invited: Stelmach
is rumoured to have asked him to run, put-
ting the premier's heart in the right place.
But that, it seems, isn't enough.
Now Stelmach is embroiled in a feud with
feisty Calgary Mayor Dave Bronconnier over
municipal infrastructure funding. The nght,
which broke out when Bronconnier accused
Stelmach of failing to keep his promise in a
provincial budget last month, goes to the
core of Stelmach's Honest Ed reputation. The
mayor says superheated Calgary, which will
grow by ,oo,ooo people within the next 1o
years and by a million more in four decades,
already faces an infrastructure dencit of s,.,
billion. In retaliation to his noisy discontent,
lf CaIgary stays mad,
KIeins oId seat may faII
to the LiberaIs
CRACKS lN
THE TORY
MONOLlTH
BY NICHOLAS KHLER Alberta's Pro-
gressive Conservatives have governed the
province for over ,, yearsas one black joke
has it, almost as long as the Communists
in Poland or the Iiberal Democratic Party
in Japan, where continuity is prized in pol-
itics above vigour or talent. Brought in by
Peter Iougheed in 1;1, the PCs have since
then become a primordial thingas old,
seemingly, as the hoodoos that dot the
Alberta badlands. It's hard to conceive of
the province without those lonely stone
towers. It's even harder to imagine it with-
out a PC government.
So observers here are beside themselves
at the prospect of seeing the monolith
crumble. Although the party's problems
local riding associations allowed to wither
under former premier Ralph Klein, boom-
management bungles and a splintering of
party interests along rural-urban linespre-
date him, it is the new premier who has
come to embody these troubles. Ed Stel-
mach, swept in from his northern rural rid-
ing last year on a wave of anti-Calgary senti-
ment, can't seem to shake the perception
that he doesn't understand Alberta's urban
reality. I feel I'm a premier for all of Alberta,"
he told this week, noting pollsters
gave him little chance of winning the leader-
at least one Stelmach minister accuses Bron-
connier, a Iiberal, of vying for the leadership
of the ofncial Opposition. Others point to
this fall's municipal election. Bronconnier,
though, is convinced Stelmach tried to keep
his pledge. I believe his cabinet let him down,"
he saysa subtle suggestion the premier isn't
in control. Such bullishness hasn't hurt the
mayor. If Calgary stays mad enough, it may
hurt Stelmach, who has committed to calling
an election next yearleading some to ques-
tion his party's continued hegemony.
Political orthodoxy carves Alberta into
three mega-constituencies, of which a party
must win two for a majorityEdmonton,
Calgary and rural Alberta. The last is safe PC
ground. Edmonton is Iiberal and will remain
so. But Calgary waversa trend already begun
under Klein, who lost three downtown rid-
ings to the Iiberals in zoo(. Some say those
Iiberal seats could now go to 1z. Calgary
is the swing region," the University of Ieth-
bridge's Harold Jansen says. If Calgary des-
erts the Conservatives in reasonable num-
bers, then we get a situation where a minority
government is conceivable." That would give
the Iiberals some hammer in the legislature
and a chance at government next time around.
Minutiae anywhere else, perhaps, but this is
Alberta. The sense that the gov-
ernment could lose means this
idea that to be an effective polit-
ical actor in Alberta, you have
to get involved with the
Conservative partythat
sense would end," says
Jansen. The trappings
of the one-party state
would erode."
Many, then, await this
summer's by-election in
Klein's old Calgary-Elbow
riding, calling it a bellwether.
I bet we lose it," says one
Calgary PC insider. The only reason we won
that seat was a guy by the name of Ralph
Klein and an incredibly strong organization
going door to door, identifying those voters.
That's not there."
But failing PC fortunes in Alberta's cities
hinge on more than just Klein's departure.
Vhile Stephen Harper is PM, Albertans,
whose identity has for decades been bound
up in voting Conservative, may feel secure
enough to experiment at home. The prov-
ince's demographics, meanwhilepumped
full of new blood by the boomare shifting.
And those new Albertans don't live anywhere
near Poland or Japan. Calgary, a city at the
centre of that change and emboldened by
rocketing success, won't be contained.
STELMACH CAN'T SEEM TO SHAKE
THE PERCEPT!ON HE DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND ALBERTA'S C!T!ES
CALGARY: A Iitany of compIaints of shabby
treatment fiII the papers
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announced their opposition to their govern-
ment's vicious crimes, except for situations
in which they are used as human shields)
and nghting the aggressors depends on attack-
ing those civilians."
Akhavan, who has contacted Jason Ken-
ney, the secretary of state for multicultural-
ism, and Iiberal MP Irwin Cotler with his
community's concerns, says the Mennonites,
however well-meaning, are in bed with the
wrong people. It's like inviting the KKK
because you want to have a dialogue with the
American people." They should be reaching
out to Iran's embattled reformists, he says.
The MCC seems taken aback with the sud-
den attention. Rick Cober Bauman, the
Ontario program director, says many of the
callers and emailers seem to be working under
the misapprehension that the ayatollah him-
self is coming to the conference. Someone
with the same surname is scheduled to attend.
Cober Bauman was unable to say if it is
Mezbah Yazdi's son, a recent graduate of
McGill University.) Vhile the MCC is sym-
pathetic to people's concerns, he says, they
have no plans to cancel the meeting or end
their relationship with the institute. This
comes very much out of Mennonite Chris-
tian beliefs. Ve're people who believe that
loving the 'enemy' is a real command," says
Cober Bauman. Peace is built by people
talking." So, it seems, is conict.
versity's Conrad Grebel College, May z-,o.
Mojab equates the round-table discussions
with the complicity of some European Chris-
tians in the Holocaust. I don't understand
dancing with wolves and calling it a peace
dialogue," she says.
Actual evidence of any wrongdoing by the
Khomeini Institute or its students is harder
to come by. Payam Akhavan, a professor of
international law at McGill University and a
former UN war crimes prosecutor, has exam-
ined the list of clerics scheduled to attend the
conference, but says he was unable to iden-
tify anyone for whom there would be some
basis for criminal prosecution."
On the other hand, the school's director,
Mesbah Yazbi, is unquestionably a polarizing
ngure in Iranian politics. A close ally of the
supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, he
has helped thwart the country's reform move-
ment by packing the country's parliament
with his loyalist followers. No fan of free elec-
tions, he has declared democracy to be
incompatible with Islam. Vho are the major-
ity of people who vote? A bunch of hooligans
who drink vodka and are paid to vote," he
said in zooz. Vhen student demonstrations
rocked the country in 1;;;, he advocated
their violent suppression. And expatriates
have been circulating a list of his other bon
mots, including a speech that they claim
endorsed suicide bombings against the Israeli
populace. Muslims should not attack those
civilians of the occupied territories who have
Canadian Mennonites
have buiIt a bridge to
lranian extremists
BY JONATHON GATEHOUSE For more
than a decade, Canada's Mennonite Central
Committee has been quietly building a rela-
tionship with some of Iran's most inuential
hardline clerics. Vhat started with an earth-
quake relief effort blossomed into
a modest student exchange, back-
and-forth visits, and theological
conferences devoted to nnding com-
mon ground between Christians
and Shia Muslims. And if anyone
took notice of the low-key bridge-
building, they didn't seem to care.
Until now. Canada's Iranian
expatriate community has suddenly
awakened to just whom the Men-
nonites have been talking tothe
Imam Khomeini Education and
Research Instituteand are pulling
out all the stops to shut the dia-
logue down. The institute, a sem-
inary based in the Iranian holy city
of Qom, is a training ground for
the Islamic regime's most repres-
sive elements, they claim. And its
founder, Ayatollah Muhammad Taqi Mesbah
Yazdi, a former head of the country's judi-
ciary and spiritual mentor to President
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is a violence-espous-
ing fascist.
This is one of the most conservative think
tanks afnliated with the hardline ruling groups
in Iran," says Shahrzad Mojab, director of
the Vomen and Gender Studies Institute at
the University of Toronto. They have com-
mitted many atrocities, especially against
women in Iran." The incendiary rhetoric
doesn't stop there. Members of the expatri-
ate community liken the institute's graduates
to Nazi Germany's Hitler Youth. And they
are demanding that the federal government
take action and deny visas to seven clerics
who are scheduled to attend the third Men-
nonite/Khomeini Institute interfaith confer-
ence, scheduled to be held at Vaterloo Uni-
NATIONAL
CLERlCAL STUDENTS in Oom: One lranian expatriate caIIs Mennonite overtures 'dancing with woIves'
THEY WERE WARNED. WHY DlDN'T THEY DO MORE7
"!f such information existed there must have been haIf a dozen
peopIe who wouId have been scurryinQ to do somethinQ about it. !
wouId have been runninQ aII over the pIace with it. ! can't imaQine
that ! wouId have done other than stir up a hornet's nest."For-
mer Canadian hiQh commissioner to !ndia, WiIIiam Warden, on
James BartIeman's reveIation that he'd Qiven the RCMP a warn-
inQ of an upcominQ attack on an Air !ndia fIiQht.
I'\| K||8
!k|K|8 !
WK?
jonathon.gatehousemacIeans.rogers.com
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BY NICHOLAS KHLER It was during his
rendition of the bouncy Bob Marley classic
}amming, while in the southern Alberta Bible
belt city of Iethbridge last January, that Belly,
a z,-year-old Canadian hip-hop artist on tour
with gangsta rappers Ice Cube and Snoop
Dogg, lit the evening's nrst onstage joint.
That doob was followed, allegedly, by many
moreSnoop smoked, as did members of his
Dogg Pound, who in turn encouraged the
audience to do likewise. It diden masse.)
Coming just weeks after the city introduced
a strict new smoking bylaw, the public pot-
pufnng rankled. Recently, Iethbridge retali-
ated by introducing a dramatic safeguard
against future misbehaviour by visiting musi-
cianshefty nnan cial guarantees that bands
Iethbridge considers
dubious will have to
deposit with the city.
If they break the law,
they lose their good
behaviour bond.
I think the author-
ities are trying to bring
a little attention to a
little town called Ieth-
bridge," says Belly,
who grew up in Ottawa
but who has adopted
the spoken cadence
of his heroes, Ice and
Snoop. This is the most publicity they've
seen across the board since the jounding of
Iethbridge." Strangely, Mayor Bob Tarleck,
an urbane man capable of quoting Emile
Zola, agrees. I think the message is already
out there that Iethbridge is a community
that expects you to abide by the rules," he
says. Tarleck will not attach a dollar ngure to
the nnancial deposits, saying only: It will be
enough to get their attention."
Snoop, who in Iethbridge wore a one-
piece garment suggestive of both prison garb
and pyjamas, has made himself unwelcome
in other jurisdictions as well. This year, both
Britain and Australia denied him visas. Yet
his Iethbridge misadventure is more a mat-
ter of culture clash. The city hosted mainly
country acts until just a few years ago. Rap
remains a novelty. Villie Nelson is my hero,"
says Ashley Matthews, manager of the Enmax
Centre, Snoop's Iethbridge venue. Of course,
pot isn't unknown to Nelson either, Mat-
thews allows. But," he says, he doesn't do
it onstage."
Lethbridge
cIears the air
over rappers
BY MARTIN PATRIQUIN If the politics of
bruised sensibilities make for strange bed-
fellows, then Shane Doan is sleeping with
several disembodied doll heads these days.
The team Canada captain became the
piata of choice for Iiberal MP Denis Coderre
and the Bloc Qubcois, thanks to some
intemperate and, most say, non-existent)
on-ice comments directed at a francophone
referee 16 months ago. Discriminatory, racist
and xenophobic," was how Bloc MP Iuc Malo
described the alleged comments, bringing
new life to the storyand fresh eyes to Doan's
dazzling performance in Moscow last week.
Meanwhile, a lesser known crisis was brew-
ing over an allegedly discriminatory, racist
and xenophobic pseudo-cartoon sketch on
Tctcs claqucs, a homegrown runaway hit on
the Veb in Quebec. Created by former adver-
tising director Michel Beaudet, Tctcs claqucs
which translates roughly to someone who
deserves to be slapped") pillories suburban-
ites, hockey players, greasy nightclub goers,
candy-addled children and other unfortu-
nates by portraying them as doll heads
plunked on clay bodies. Only the eyes and
mouth are real, grafted in by Beaudet and giv-
ing the characters a perpetually idiotic look.
All was well until Beaudet posted a skit
entitled Ie Cannibale," in which a swarthy
and bare-chested African fellow named Kunta
Kint, after the writer Alex Haley's character,
is attempting to boil a French Canadian
couple. Minority rights group Quebec Pluriel
demanded an apology and retraction, like
Coderre, it got neither. Now, it's taken its com-
plaint to the Canadian Human Rights Com-
mission. Thanks in part to the ensuing publi-
city, the clip has been viewed over three million
times, and Quebec Pluriel's membership is up.
In the matters of politics, hockey and satire, it
seems bad publicity doesn't exist.
Racism can
be a matter
of perspective
SATIRICAL hit Ttes claques:
The pot calling the cannibal black
SMOKIN DOGG:
Light a joint in
Lethbridge, lose
your deposit
BY JOHN GEDDES It might seem perverse,
in the May sunshine, to be longing for the
slushy days of late winter. But for federal
Conservatives, spring has brought a polling
chill, and they might well be hankering for
the warm glow of the positive numbers they
were basking in as recently as late March.
Back then, Prime Minister Stephen Harper
was on a tear, with one pollster gushing that
his Tories had hit the magic number," (o
per cent, or roughly enough support to start
seriously thinking about forming a major-
ity. Around the same time, another public
opinion guru declared that Iiberal Ieader
Stphane Dion was in free fall."
Given the upbeat Conservative data and
the dispiriting Iiberal numbers, speculation
that Harper would orchestrate his own down-
fall, triggering a June election, briey reached
a fever pitch. Now, it looks like he might
have dodged a bullet by ignoring pressure
to test his appeal on the campaign trail. SES
Research pegged Iiberal support at the start
of this month at ,, per cent, having held
nrm through April, whereas the Tories were
at ,z per cent, after losing four points dur-
ing the cruellest month. The SES poll came
on the heels of a similar Decima survey that
put the Iiberals at ,1 per cent and the Con-
servatives at ,o per cent.
Vhat's dragging Harper down? SES Pres-
ident Nik Nanos
points to the on-
going Afghan de-
tainees controversy
and the rocky recep-
tion for the Tory cli-
mate change plan.
Both issues play big
in Quebec, where
Di on's Ii beral s
climbed nine points
to z per cent and
Harper's Conserva-
tives plunged 11 to
1 per cent.
More good news for Iiberals might be hid-
den in the Green party's four-point rise to 1o
per cent support nationally. That could be a
parking place for Iiberal voters," Nanos said,
noting that putative Green voters tend to
change their minds on election day. He added
that Green Ieader Elizabeth May's recent pact
with Dion could make it easier for her tentative
supporters to switch, saying, She's put a big
Green party stamp of approval on Dion."
Spring thaw
meIts support
for the Tories
AFGHANISTAN
and climate
sank support
for Harper

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On 4ug. 9, 19{, kichard Nixon, caught in thc
cvcrtightcning noosc oj vatcrgatc, rcsigncd
thc prcsidcncy oj thc Initcd Statcs. Hc sccmcd
dcstincd jor a juturc oj pcrmancnt disgracc.
lnstcad, as this cxccrpt jrom Conrad 8lack`s
biography The Invincible Quest (McClclland
c Stcwart) dctails, Nixon immcdiatcly bcgan
to plan what 8lack calls thc transguration,
his transjormation jrom rcvilcd cxprcsidcnt
to rcspcctcd cldcr statcsman
R
ichard Nixon stayed in his Cali-
fornia house for some days, vir-
tually in seclusion. He asked
Alexander Haig to send all his
voluminous papers and tapes to San Clem-
ente. This was the custom, presidents were
traditionally entitled to their papers, and
none of the materials he was asking for were
under subpoena. Some cartons of documents
that had been packed up under the super-
vision of Rose Mary Voods had accompan-
ied him on the airplane to San Clemente,
and as much as a hundred tons of papers
followed, until press questions and Special
Prosecutor Ieon Jaworski's expression of
interest caused new President Gerald Ford
to impose a stop and await a determination
of rightful ownership of Nixon's papers.
The ex-president was at nrst in a state of
shock, which soon gave way to inert, almost
catatonic, sadness. Nixon had other prob-
DEATH
BEFORE
DISHONOUR
In exile, Richard
Nixon gambled
all he had left
his lifeand
he won
BY CONRADBLACK
WORLDEXCLUSIVE

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lems, he had almost no money, as his liquid
resources were going to pay back taxes which
he had been unfairly assessed). And there
was the open question of his legal status. Polls
indicated that a majority of Americans wanted
Nixon indicted and tried, such was the pub-
lic anger at his alleged abuse of his ofnce.
Despite his dignined exit, the moral out-
rage of the country was just reaching its crest.
The House Judiciary Committee reported
out on August zz and accused Nixon, on the
basis of what it called clear and convincing
evidence," of ,6 different instances of obstruc-
tion of justice. This was majority counsel John
Doar's wild exaggeration, which the Repub-
licans on the committee had no interest in
contesting at this point, 1o weeks from an
election. The report was adopted by the whole
House by the astounding vote of (1z to ,.
There was evidence of Nixon's obstruction
of justice, and it was, of course, a very shabby
and in some respects disgraceful record, but
there was not clear and convincing" evidence
of the probative value a court is supposed to
require, of anything like ,6 offenses.
Before leaving ofnce, Nixon had jauntily
said he would take his chances in court. That
did not now seem so appetizing, and his phys-
ical and mental health were not robust. Nixon
called Senator James Eastland about two
weeks after leaving Vashington, and East-
land reported to Jaworski that the ex-pres-
ident was in bad shape." At Ford's nrst presi-
dential press conference, on August z8, there
was a question about a possible pardon of
Nixon, which Ford parried. The press took
this to mean that Ford would pardon Nixon
after a trial but not before. Despite the orgy
of Vatergate righteousness, there didn't seem
to be many people who actually thought
Nixon should be incarcerated, even if he could
be convicted.
On August z;, the amboyant literary
agent Irving Paul Swifty" Iazar met with
Nixon and agreed to represent him in seek-
ing a book contract. He thought he could
get sz million from a publisher as an advance.
Vhen he returned to Ios Angeles, Iazar
was asked fantastic questions by the press
about whether Nixon had let his hair grow
to his shoulders, had elongated nngernails
like Howard Hughes, and was unshaven,
disheveled, and incoherent. Iazar dismissed
the questions with great aplomb. If Nixon's
hair had grown to his shoulders in three weeks,
it would have been an astonishing physical
achievement.)
Ford told his counsel, Philip Buchen, to
tell Nixon's new lawyer, Herbert Miller, that
he was considering a pardon, but that he
wanted a statement from Nixon that would
be an act of contrition. A lawyer who had
been on Ford's vice-presidential staff, Benton
Becker, and Nixon aide Ron Ziegler tried to
work out a statement Nixon would be pre-
pared to make following a pardon. There
were four drafts, mainly composed by Nixon,
who refused to acknowledge any guilt, but
was prepared to express some remorse.
Throughout this process, Nixon remained in
his spare little ofnce and Ziegler shuttled
between rooms.
Becker nnally requested to see Nixon, so
he could report to Ford on his condition. He
found the ex-president shockingly diminished
in the month since he had left Vashington.
He was jowly, pallid, almost shrunken, and
had a limp handshake and a distracted man-
ner. Becker reported to Ford that Nixon was
severely depressed and he doubted if he would
live more than another couple of months.
On Sunday, September 8, Ford went on
television and radio, explained that he wished
to put Vatergate behind the country and the
terrible divisions it had created, and read his
proclamation of a full, free, and absolute
pardon" for Nixon. In San Clemente, Ziegler
released Nixon's agreed statement: I was
wrong in not acting more decisively and forth-
rightly in dealing with Vatergate. . . . No words
can describe the depths of my regret and pain
at the anguish my mistakes over Vatergate
have caused the nation and the presidency,
a nation I so deeply love and an institution I
so greatly respect." He hoped that Ford's
compassionate act" would ease the burden
of Vatergate." He was aware that some thought
he had committed illegalities, and that his
mistakes and misjudgments" might seem to
connrm that, and mishandling Vatergate
was a burden I shall bear every day of the
life that is left to me."
The state of opinion was so febrile that
Ford's popularity dipped in a month from
his honeymoon o per cent to about ,o per
cent. The country was not impressed with
Nixon's statement either. So convinced was
the public of Nixon's guilt, it was outraged
that he had confessed no guilt. He felt none,
and would not, even if he went bankrupt, was
indicted, and died, confess any. Both pres-
idents behaved with some distinction. Ford
did the decent and compassionate thing, and
also the right thing for the country. Nixon
had paid a terrible price for his mistake or
offense, trying him a year or two later, or
holding that prospect over him all that time,
FAREWELL: TV image of Nixon announcing his resignation; Nixon hugs daughter JuIie
Nixon Eisenhower; GeraId and Betty Ford say goodbye to Richard and Pat Nixon. Three
guards roII up the red carpet as Nixon Ieaves the White House in a heIicopter.
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would either kill the ex-president or lead to
a very divisive trial. Once hysterical emotion-
alism had subsided, it is still not clear that he
would have been convicted if he received a
fair hearing. If he had been acquitted, the
backbiting in the country would rise and crest
again. If he were convicted, nothing useful
would be accomplished.
Nixon, despite his very debilitated condi-
tion, clung to principle, and preserved the
integrality of his comeback argument: as he
said on leaving ofnce, he had made mistakes.
That meant, as he connrmed in his pardon
statement, that he admitted no illegalities.
The spark of doubt about Nixon's guilt, and
therefore the whole question of the treatment
he had received at the hands of the media,
the Congress, and the courts, had survived.
Now Nixon would slowly fan and coax the
spark into a nre.
I
n fact, though exhausted, Nixon had,
by a nnal, almost Kiplingesque triumph
of heart and nerve and sinew," saved
inviolate his ability to deny wrongdoing.
And he had spared himself an unsustainable
ordeal. That he managed, sitting in a bare-
walled little cubicle in California, depressed
and ill and disgraced and abandoned by most
of the prominent people who had long courted
and attended upon him, to face down the
demand for a confession by implicitly stating
that he would prefer to die, was a remarkable
achievement. Many people in Ford's position
might have accepted that choice. That Ford
did not was a great credit to the human
decency of the new president, a quality that
Nixon had rarely seen for many months. It
was also, imperceptibly at nrst, the signal that
nnally, Nixon's luck had turned.
He had had no means to resist the demand
for a confession except his preference for
death before complete dishonor. And as
Becker reported to Ford, he would almost
certainly have died, he was dying, if he was
pursued any more by his enemies. He had
been forced to the nnal extremity of the war-
rior and the victim, death or moral self-destruc-
tion. In choosing death, he put himself in the
hands of an unusually compassionate man
for a long-serving veteran of American national
politics. Ford was accused and suspected of
consummating a deal with Nixon, the vice-
presidency for a pardon. This is a canard.
Nixon was pressed to the limits of endur-
ance, and Ford, on hearing Becker's report
of his predecessor's condition, did what was
in every respect except short-term personal
political expediency, right. Nixon had gam-
bled all he had lefthis lifeand that he won,
he soon saw as a turning point.
He told the author, 18 years later, that he
had felt as Franklin D. Roosevelt had when
his polio started to immobilize his hands
before it receded and he recovered full con-
trol of his hands and bowels), that he was
being forsaken by God. He would be reassured
that this was not the case, but not until a dir-
ect, physical crisis of life and death had been
met. On the evening of September 8, the day
of the pardon, Nixon was seized by a pain in
his lower left abdomen, and his left leg had
swollen to nearly three times its normal size.
His doctor, John Iungren, was called, and he
urged Nixon to go to a hospital at once to
deal with what he thought was a dangerous
embolism. Nixon unconditionally refused.
Iungren gave him a massive prescription,
applied a support to the leg, and told him to
keep his leg up and not to put any weight on
it. After three days, his sons-in-law, presum-
ably with the approval of their wives, told the
media that Nixon was unwell. The media had
generally assumed that he would be celebrat-
ing his pardon, and Ed Cox and David Eisen-
hower set the minds of the press straight on
that score.
The ex-president's inner circle seemed to
think they were doing Nixon a favor by spread-
ing indiscretions in the press about his phys-
ical and psychiatric condition. The apparent
objective was to damp down press hostility
to the pardon and cool out the ambitions of
litigants and the courts to drag Nixon into
court as a witness. Jaworski subpoenaed Nixon
for the Ehrlichman-Haldeman-Mitchell trial,
as had Ehrlichman, and Nixon had received
subpoenas in civil cases as well. Justice John
Sirica, although he had granted a three-week
delay in the main Vatergate trial after the
commotion over Nixon's pardon, declared
from the bench that he expected Nixon to
respond to the subpoena. Nixon had no inten-
tion of doing anything of the kind, no matter
what the state of his health.
There was the usual psycho-media specu-
lation that Nixon was attempting a novel
form of suicide, generally communicated in
a neutral way, effectively connrming that if
Nixon had any excuse for his nefarious con-
duct, it was mental instability, if not insanity.
Nixon's state of mind was not at all unstable,
though it was generally depressed. Kenneth
Clawson, Vhite House communications dir-
ector, came to visit Nixon a few days later,
and Nixon gave him his familiar theory that
he was chased out by the establishment soft
left in the media and the Vashington estab-
lishment, who realized that Nixon posed a
mortal threat to their continued domination
of national affairs. In his own mind he was
always an outsider and a victim. He remin-
isced about how he had steeled himself to
ALL THE NEWS: Women at Washington NationaI Airport read newspapers with
'Nixon Resigning' as the headIine {Ieft); Ford grants Nixon a pardon
Nixon was,
for better and
worse, the
personication
of a large section
of the American
people, and they
never forgot it
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endure terrible punishment as a rather inept
athlete, and declared that he would not leave
his house, no matter what happened to his
leg, even if the blood clot were to reach the
end zone." Then he gave his Kipling address:
You've got to be tough. You can't break even
when there is nothing left. You can't admit,
even to yourself, that it is gone." These were
partial quotes from Kipling's If." He would
not stand in the middle of the bullring and
cry . . . while the crowd is hissing
and booing and spitting on jhim]."
Iungren was back at Nixon's house on Sep-
tember 16 and discovered serious deteriora-
tion. Nixon's leg was so swollen he had trouble
putting on his trousers. Iungren explicitly
stated that if he did not go to the hospital, he
would die. Nixon relented and went to Iun-
gren's Iong Beach Memorial Hospital, where
it was discovered that a clot from his leg had
fragmented and part had gone to his lung.
Nixon remained in hospital until October (.
Vhen he left, Iungren told the press that he
would have to have at least a month of com-
pletely relaxed recuperation, and three months
after that of avoiding any prolonged period
of sitting or standing. Going to Vashington
was out of the question, and he could not
even sit at home for a deposition for at least
three weeks. Swifty Iazar had sold Nixon's
book to Varner for sz., million. The advo-
cates of an imminent Nixon suicide quickly
complained that he was faking an illness to
dodge testimony, and that it was indecent
for him to be making millions while his aides
were on trial for their liberty. Few of them
seemed to be able to recall that Richard
Nixon's memoirs would encompass more
than Vatergate.
The press nnally got a look at Nixon as he
was wheeled out of the hospital in Iong Beach
on October (. He was thin, jowly, and aged,
and his clothes hung on him precariously,
but he claimed that he felt great." The day
of his release, the Senate, by a vote of ,6 to
, purported to instruct the president to retain
control of all Nixon's papers and tapes, abro-
gating the agreement Ford's and Nixon's law-
yers had worked out. The Senate thus began
a long legal battle that Nixon would nnally,
after many years, win decisively, in one of
the great moral victories of his life.
Nixon convalesced, while Pat gardened
energetically at Ia Casa Pacinca. Sirica released
the pre-trial nlings of Ehrlichman and Hal-
deman. They had turned completely on Nixon
and alleged a series of unrecorded" meet-
ings and telephone conversations with the
former president, which, if they had been
recorded, would miraculously clear them and
make it clear that Nixon was the author per-
sonally of every bit of skullduggery that the
prosecutors might mistakenly imagine had
anything to do with these defendants. The
American prosecutorial system encourages
a system of suborned or intimidated perjury,
or at least spontaneous clarity of recollection,
to move upwards in the inculpation of ofn-
cials in any organization where wrongdoing
is alleged. Plea bargains are negotiated by
threat and nnancial strangulation and reduc-
tion of penalties, as lower echelons roll over
in sequence blaming higher-ups.
It is a questionable system, which led dec-
ades later to the installation of the whistle-
blower"i.e., the squealeras one of the
central ngures in American commerce. This
process is topped out with the allocution,"
as the plea-bargainer denounces himself like
the tortured victim of Stalin's show trials.
Since the purpose of the plea bargain, for the
confessant, is to reduce his sentence, the
United States at least avoids the splendid
Stalinist ourish of the accused demanding
the swiftest possible imposition of the death
penalty on himself as a minimum punish-
ment for the abominable crimes of these
almost always innocent at least of what they
were admitting) people.
It was a contemptible spectacle as Ehrlich-
man, who had cheerfully authorized the
break-in at the ofnce of Ellsberg's psychoana-
lyst, as long as it is not traceable," as if that
made it less criminal, and as Haldeman, who
had told Nixon they were beautifully" placed
to urge the CIA to shut down the FBI Vater-
gate investigation, dumped everything in
Nixon's lap.
Nixon had wept when they left him at
Camp David in April 1;,, and said that it
was like cutting his own arms off to part with
them, and told the country they were great
THE FORMER PRESlDENT, stiII in a wheeIchair, is taken to a waiting Iimousine as he goes home from the hospitaI
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Americans." One expects from the former
leaders of the Vhite House staff a higher
standard of probity than to invent conversa-
tions and falsely accuse their president of
matters in which there was almost no possi-
bility of his involvement. Ehrlichman and
Haldeman were teetotal, desiccated Chris-
tian Scientists, a lawyer and an advertising
man, who had shown some organizing abil-
ity and had been plucked and lifted from
obscurity by Nixon. It is true that except for
Johnson and, to some extent, Kennedy, the
ethical climate around the Oval Ofnce was
lower under Nixon than in the time of any
president since Harding. But it is hard to
imagine the closest aides of any other mod-
ern presidents or their successor with Nixon,
Alexander Haig) betraying their leader as
these men did. It was only a few months since
they had both last sworn under oath that
Nixon was innocent of any wrongdoing.
Their conduct reected poorly on the man
who elevated them, and the general atmos-
phere of sleaze in the upper reaches of the
Vhite House certainly aficts the president
most of all. Rose Mary Voods, Henry Kis-
singer, Haig, Villiam Sanre, and most of the
less senior people were eminently respect-
able, if not in some cases paragons of seless-
ness. Nixon was a cynic, certainly. This came
from his defensive and pessimistic nature,
and because he was so accustomed to struggle
and betrayal and because of his resentment
of the hypocrisy of the falsely pious, even
though he emulated them at times. But he
was a courageous man. He fought through
Vatergate longer than almost anyone else
could have endured.
For his shortcomings, he had paid an
unprecedented price in the history of his for-
mer ofnce. But he was prepared to die before
he admitted guilt. He did not ask for a par-
don, and was ashamed when he had to accept
one. The great Americans" were unexciting
servitors at their peak, and venal self-seekers
and liars when they fell.
W
hile Sirica and Jaworski and
the defendants demanded
Nixon's presence at the trial,
Iungren returned to see his
patient at San Clemente on October z,. He
was concerned to find the swelling had
started again and, over strenuous protests
from Nixon, brought him back to the hos-
pital in Iong Beach. He found serious vas-
cular blockages and a danger of gangrene
in his left leg, and of blood clots breaking
loose and going to the heart or brain. The
chief of surgery at UCIA Medical Center,
Dr. Viley Barker, examined Nixon. He found
one of the largest blood clots he had ever
seen, 18 inches long, in a vein leading to the
heart, and he told Nixon that surgery was
necessary if he wanted to go on living."
This time there was no argument. Since
Barker said the blood clot made medical
history and that he would like to use the
venogram of it in his medical teaching, Nixon
said that he was unable to keep anything
secret and to go ahead.
The operation, in the early morning of
October z;, lasted ;o minutes and seemed
to be a success. But Nixon was so pale and
feeble that Pat called her daughters and asked
them to come at once to California. Nixon
fainted and almost fell out of his bed. Nurses
caught him, but he fell into a coma and emer-
gency resuscitation was attempted, including
four blood transfusions in three hours. He
had suffered severe internal bleeding and his
blood pressure had almost collapsed. At one
point a nurse had briefly revived him by
lightly slapping his face, and calling Rich-
ard!"the only person to so address him since
the lapse of his mother into insensibility.
Vhen he recovered, he was full of forebod-
ing and dictated reminiscences and com-
ments for six hours to Pat and Ziegler and
another aide, Frank Gannon, a nnal reec-
tion on aspects of his career.
As Nixon was convalescing in hospital, he
received a telephone call from no less a well-
wisher than Mao Tse-tung, who hoped for a
speedy recovery and said he thought Nixon
was one of the great statesmen of world hist-
ory. It was a generous gesture by the Chinese
leader, who was not much noted for such
human consideration, and Nixon consoled
himself that the respect of such a man, like
that of de Gaulle, outweighed the braying of
many less prominent critics.
HAPPY DAYS: Nixon mobbed by wiIdIy cheering supporters as he arrives at the HiIton PIaza HoteI, his Miami Beach headquarters, in 19S8
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Sirica, whose implacable hounding of Nixon
was becoming oppressive, announced that
he was appointing a panel of three doctors
to determine if Nixon was medically unable
to attend the trial. Sirica had out-distanced
Jaworski as the personincation of retribution
against Nixon, and was starting to seem like
the former friend of Senator Joe McCarthy
that he had been, eagerly working with Har-
old Stassen and others to undermine Robert
Taft in the 1;,z convention, and receiving
preferments from Eisenhower. He was an
honest judge, but he had never tempered
justice with mercy in these matters, and put
his own brand on Vatergate with the propri-
etary efnciency of a soft-drink bottler.
Sirica's medical team arrived at San Clem-
ente on November 1;, nve days after Nixon's
return from hospital, and concluded that he
would not be able to give a deposition before
early January, or come to Vashington before
mid-February. Over the protests of Ehrlich-
man's counsel, Sirica dispensed with Nixon
and ordered that the trial proceed.
Though it had been a harrowing experi-
ence, this crisis was further connrmation
that Nixon's luck, which had been so bad so
often in his life after his swift rise to the vice-
presidential nomination, was aggregating
into a winning streak. He had not only sur-
vived, but avoided the main Vatergate trial,
and the ghastly spectacle of having to refute
the incriminating allegations of his former
chief collaborators. Though Nixon had cer-
tainly not become a sympathetic ngure, there
was now no doubt about the seriousness of
his illness, and there was widespread suspi-
cion of the invocation of unrecorded con-
versations" that inexplicably had escaped
the defendants' previous recollections under
oath. Nixon was starting to put Vatergate
behind him at last. His illness had been a
well-disguised blessing.
A
s he recovered, Nixon maintained
a pretense of business as usual
as best he could. He put on a suit
and tie and was driven in his golf
cart every day to the building where his staff
worked, as if he had a good deal to do there,
and even held a simulation of a Vhite House
strategy session. Nixon's outward appearance
of purposeful activity continued to irritate
his enemies, some of whom were starting to
realize that he was a more durable presence
in the country than they had hoped. Few
could yet imagine the proportions of the
return that he had in mind.
In December, the Congress passed the
Presidential Records and Materials Act of
1;(, which didn't dispute that Nixon owned
his papers and tapes, but required the Archives
to keep and protect them and open them at
their own discretion to the public to reveal
the full truth . . . of the abuses of govern-
mental power." Nixon challenged this act and
in June 1;, the Supreme Court, by to z
with Burger and Rehnquist in dissent), upheld
the act, but Nixon continued with extraordin-
ary ingenuity and perseverance and legally
prevented the intended purpose of the act
from being effected. Once the hysteria against
him had fully subsided, the courts could not
sustain a different treatment of him compared
with other presidents, and his literary execu-
tors eventually won control of the materials,
but the struggle was still unfolding more than
,o years after he left the Vhite House. Again,
the post-presidential Nixon would have the
best of the dispute: his right to his documents
was upheld, and his executors ultimately have
a greater level of ownership of his materials
than would any other modern president.
Nixon's legendary tenacity did not abate in
his life and did not die with him.
The Vatergate jury came in on the after-
noon of New Year's Day 1;, and found the
defendants guilty, as expected. Ehrlichman
was vituperative in blaming it all on Nixon,
Haldeman and Mitchell announced they
would appeal. The verdict further depressed
Nixon, who had Ziegler issue a statement of
solicitude for the defendants. He took no
public notice of Ehrlichman's apostasy. It was
a difncult Christmas, but Pat, who again had
been a mighty source of strength for her hus-
band, organized a surprise birthday party on
January ;. Nixon was gratined to receive birth-
day greetings from Chou En-lai, who had
also written a letter of concern over his ill-
ness, and from President Ford and from Ron-
ald Reagan, who had just retired as governor
and was preparing to challenge Ford for the
Republican presidential nomination.
O
n Friday evening, at ;:o8, April
zz, 1;;(, Richard Milhous Nixon
died peacefully. He was 81, and
exactly one week older than Pat
Nixon had been when she had died, the year
before. Obituarists were reasonably gener-
ous, though Vatergate got the obligatory,
and not always very well-proportioned, air-
ing. Richard Nixon was own for the last time
on Air Force One to California, the funeral
was at the Nixon Iibrary and Birthplace in
Yorba Iinda, and the burial was beside Pat.
President Clinton declared it a full state
occasion and all ags on U.S. federal build-
CHlEF OF STAFF H.R. HaIdeman {from Ieft to right) speaks with Nixon, who sought the presi-
dentiaI nomination in 19S8. John D. EhrIichman, Nixon's domestic affairs adviser, testifies
before the Senate Watergate committee. Demonstrators shout as Nixon Ieaves EXPO '74.
The ex-president
was in a state
of shock, which
soon gave way
to inert, almost
catatonic
sadness. He had
almost no money.
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ings, installations, and ships were lowered,
for the nrst time since the death of Iyndon
Johnson in 1;,. All those who had succeeded
him as president were present at the funeral,
with their wives, there had never been such
a gathering of presidents. The Fords, Carters,
Reagans, Bushes, and Clintons sat together,
beside the Nixon family.
The real eulogy, from the person who
worked most closely with him on his great-
est projects, was delivered with great feeling
and effect by Henry Kissinger. He quoted
Shakespeare that I shall not look upon his
like again." He touched on Nixon's gruff
exterior, which masked a man of frequent
gentleness and sensitivity, and credited his
political success in a neld where he did not
have a natural tendency to be gregarious. He
recalled that Nixon said he would take the
same abuse for doing partially something
that was unpopular as for doing it fully, so
that such things should be done thoroughly.
He mentioned that He had risked a con-
frontation with the Soviet Union in the midst
of the worst crisis of his life" jin 1;,]. He
held fast in the face of wrenching controversy
to his basic theme that the greatest free nation
in the world had a duty to lead and no right
to abdicate. Nixon's greatest accomplish-
ment was as much moral as it was political:
to lead from strength at a moment of appar-
ent weakness, jlaying] the basis for victory
in the Cold Var."
At this critical moment, all rivalry between
the two men nnally vanished, and Kissinger's
own best instincts came naturally to his eulo-
gist's task. His voice broke slightly at one
point, when he referred to hearing the nnal
news, by then so expected but so hard to
accept, jwhen] I felt a deep loss and a pro-
found void." jHe told the author that he felt
that part of me died with him."]
Kissinger recounted what Nixon had done
to end a war in which more than half a mil-
lion draftees were as far away from the
United States as it was possible to be", to
open relations with China, and the major
Arab powers, to start a peace process in the
Middle East, arms control arrangements with
the Russians, and the discussion of human
rights across Europe. He said Nixon would
be so pleased that President Clinton" and his
other successors were here, indicating that
his long and sometimes bitter journey had
concluded in reconciliation."
No one who heard the peroration to his
brief address that day will ever forget it: So
let us now say goodbye to our gallant friend.
He stood on pinnacles that dissolved into
precipices. He achieved greatly and suffered
deeply. But he never gave up. In his solitude,
he envisioned a new international order that
would reduce lingering enmities, strengthen
historic friendships, and give new hope to
mankinda vision where dreams and possi-
bilities conjoined.
Richard Nixon ended a war and he advanced
the vision of peace of his Quaker youth. He
was devoted to his family. He loved his coun-
try and he considered service his honor." After
a reception, the crowd dispersed and the
world moved on, without one of its most
prominent citizens of the last (, years.
I
n a sense, Nixon managed to execute
a radical strategic evacuation like the
two great leaders he seemed to admire
most of those whom he knew except
for Vinston Churchill, whom he did not
know well), and who admired him. Iike de
Gaulle tearing himself loose from the crum-
bling French state and removing to Britain
in 1;(o where he, as he put it, assumed
France" and continued, in his own person,
the personality and ambitions of a great
nation, and like Mao Tse-tung disengaging
from the Chinese Civil Var and undertaking
the ,,ooo-mile Iong March of 1;,( and 1;,,
to a more defensible fastness, so Nixon relin-
quished the presidency and began to build a
legend, reconstruct his moral standing, and
revise popular history.
By showing no contrition, but regret at
errors committed, and carefully laying out
his version of the facts, with some remorse,
but no guilt or confession of crimes, Nixon
gradually seized control of the national puri-
tanical conscience that had assaulted him.
All indications are that 1o years after he died,
Americans were more interested in Nixon
than in any political leader in their history,
with the sole possible exception of Iincoln.
In fact, as the nation has come to fear, Nixon
was mistreated. He was partly responsible for
it himself by his own mishandling of Vater-
gate, but he was viciously and unfairly attacked
by the media, the Democrats, and some of
his own partisans. He was not a uniquely
sleazy president, but was treated as one.
There is room for debate over whether he
dishonored, or merely demeaned, the pres-
idency. It is beyond debate that he fully paid
for his misdeeds, and that he was a very com-
petent president. His legal and ethical short-
comings kept him out of the small group of
great presidents generally deemed to com-
prise Vashington, Iincoln, and Franklin D.
Roosevelt, with some argument to be made
for Jefferson and Reagan. Nixon is rather in
the category of unusually talented presidents
who are just beneath the very greatest Amer-
ican leaders, with Jackson, Polk, Theodore
Roosevelt, Vilson, Truman, and possibly
Eisenhower it being understood that Jeffer-
THE PUBLlC NlXON: {from Ieft to right)
Nixon and RonaId Reagan ride in a goIf
cart in 1972. Nixon sits as a technician and
makeup artist prepare him for a no-hoIds-
barred interview on 'Meet the Press' in
1988. Nixon meets with President CIinton.
Nixon refused
to acknowledge
any guilt. He felt
none, and would
not, even if he
went bankrupt,
was indicted, and
died, confess any.
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2007 Research In Motion Limited. All Rights Reserved. The BlackBerry family of related marks, images and symbols are the exclusive properties and trademarks of Research In Motion Limited.
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Founder and CEO, Vivre Inc.
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son and Eisenhower were world historic ng-
ures before they even became president).
More than that, Richard Nixon has become
a mighty and mythic ngure.
He had two incomparable achievements:
he made a virtue of his own unglamorous
unease to mobilize an immense, informal
army of ordinary people whom he led for
decades. And he subtly nettled the righteous-
ness of America that had slain him, until it
was intrigued by, and addicted to, Nixon, and
its implacable hostility had given way to
uncertainty and even remorse.
By his inexorable pursuit of his goal of
being always at the centre of events, decade
after decade, and his constantly recalibrated
self-promotion as the champion of the aver-
age person, the decent toiler, the silent major-
ity, Nixon led a perpetual revolt against the
stylish, the facile and fashionable, the well
born, all those, from the Roosevelts to the
Kennedys and Rockefellers, even to the Buck-
leys and Bushes, and in a sense to Kissinger,
for whom things seemed to come easily.
He was almost never overt about whom
he was running against, other than in elec-
tions. But all those scores of millions of
Americans who identined with the awkward-
ness, the persevering courage, the endless
struggle of Nixon, who never deserted him,
who envied but could not identify with the
wit of an Adlai Stevenson or the grace of a
Jack Kennedy, gave him an immense follow-
ing that continued to grow after he retired,
and long after he died. To them, Richard
Nixon was an inspiration, an ordinary man
of superhuman determination and perse-
verance, indomitable, indefatigable, almost
impervious to the vicious attacks of the priv-
ileged, the press, the academics, the abusive
prosecutors.
And when he died at the full age of 81, he
had already perpetuated himself, the uncon-
querable little man, the reassurance of the
triumphant power of the common man. He
was anything but common in his intelligence
and courage and endurance, but he seemed
common to those who really were common,
he turned leftist playwright Arthur Miller's
tragedy about an insignincant person upside
down, his was lijc oj a Salcsman.
Richard Milhous Nixon achieved as much
as any American political leader since Iin-
coln, except for Franklin Roosevelt, and per-
haps Eisenhower, and he did it against his
own unusually troublesome anxiety and lim-
itations and awkwardnesses. He was often
his own enemy, because of his complex per-
sonality, and he attracted legions of enemies.
He fought successfully all his long life, and
when he died, he was acknowledged to be a
unique and, in his way, a great American. His
enemies fell away, and he slipped the surly
bonds of mortal combat and became the
embodiment, the allegorization, of generally
well-intentioned determination, not less than
human in his failings, but almost superhuman
in his strengths. And he had begun to gnaw
at the conscience of the nation.
Nixon had said, You've got to be a little
evil to understand those people out there.
You have to have known the dark side of life."
He probably met both those criteria. He also
told Chou En-lai that he wanted a life in
which I have just one more victory than defeat."
He was more successful than that.
He was, for better and worse, the personi-
ncation of a large section of the American
people, and they never forgot it. In the years
since his death, his legend seems to have grown
more quickly than his memory has receded.
Richard Nixon will linger in the American
consciousness for a very long time.
kcprintcd by pcrmission oj McClclland c
Stcwart ltd. 4vailablc in bookstorcs May 2.
CALlFORNlA BOUND: ApriI 27, 1994, Rich-
ard Nixon's coffin. Nixon stands on the beach
at his home in San CIemente, August 1971.
WORLD
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J|e L|ac|Le::, ar||, c :e|ated ra:|s, |raes ard
s,roc|s a:e t|e erc|us|ve :ce:t|es ard t:adera:|s c
esea:c| r Vct|cr L|r|ted.
Find out why peop|e |ove their
8|ack8erry, or te|| us why you |ove
yours, at www.b|ackberry.com/ask.
r !999, L|ac|Le::,

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But France's new president is not out of the
woods yet. Vhen he designed the constitu-
tion for France's Fifth Republic half a century
ago, de Gaulle gave the president of the Repub-
lic extraordinarily strong executive powers,
on two reasonable assumptions. One was that
for many years the president would be de
Gaulle himself. The second assumption was
that the separately elected legislature and its
prime minister would share the president's
party afnliation and agenda. Vhen they do,
it is a sweet gig to be France's president. Vhen
they don't, a president and prime minister
from different parties face off in the night-
marish gridlock known as cohabitation."
France's legislative elections are barely a
month away. The nrst round of voting is on
June 1o, with a second runoff round a week
later. Three times in the past, in 1;81, 1;88
and zooz, legislative elections have followed
presidential elections. Each time the pres-
ident's party won the majority in the National
Assembly. That seems likely, but not guaran-
teed, to happen again this time. A poll released
on the evening of Sarkozy's victory showed
his centre-right UMP party at ,( per cent in
voter support for the parliamentary election,
with Royal's Socialists at z; per cent and the
centrist UDF party at 1z per cent. The pros-
Maybe. lt depends on
who wins the IegisIative
eIection next month.
BY PAUL WELLS Even as he addressed his
ecstatic supporters on the night he has
dreamed about all his life, France's newly-
elected president knew his victory was not
yet complete and that one more campaign,
short and intense, lay ahead.
The French people have spoken," Nicolas
Sarkozy, ,z, told an election-night crowd and
the nation, watching on TV. They have
chosen to break with the ideas, habits and
behaviour of the past. I want to rehabilitate
work, authority, morality, respect and merit.
I want to restore honour to the nation and
to national identity." This was not empty
rhetoric: Sarkozy's agenda is, in concrete
terms, as ambitious as any France has seen
since Charles de Gaulle's. And the scale of
Sarkozy's victory was resounding. Voting in
near-record numbers, the French had given
him ,, per cent of the vote, six points ahead
of his once-formidable opponent, the social-
ist Sgolene Royal. Even a majority of women
voted for Sarkozy, despite his brash demean-
our and famous temper.
pect of defeat following defeat has accentu-
ated the Socialists' recent tendency toward
innghting. lc Mondc quoted remarks by an
aghast Iaurent Fabius, a former Socialist
prime minister, as he listened to Royal's brisk
and upbeat concession speech: She seems
to want to continue in the same direction. But
if we use the same methods in the legislative
elections that we used in the presidential elec-
tion, it'll be the same result. And worse!"
Sarkozy has never been one to take his vic-
tories for granted. So as he vanished on Mon-
day morning to a secret location to prepare
his transition to powerthe location didn't
stay secret for long, on Monday afternoon
lc ligaro reported he was in Maltathe next
steps in his sweeping agenda must have been
very much on Sarkozy's mind. On May 16 he
will replace Jacques Chirac, his former men-
tor with whom he had an increasingly com-
petitive relationship, as president. He'll name
a 1,-person cabinet and a prime minister
most likely his former cabinet colleague
Franois Fillon, a fellow economic reformer
whose favourite saying is, France can handle
the truth."
Vith a little luck, Sarkozy's party will hold
its majority in the June parliamentary elec-
tions. Then, if his campaign rhetoric is any
indication, the new president will unleash an
unprecedented wave of reform across France.
Overtime work, beyond the standard ,,-hour
work week, will be tax-free. The massive civil
service will be cut. Measures will be intro-
duced to make hiringand nringemployees
easier, in a bid to loosen up the country's
sclerotic labour market. Already on Sunday
night, people close to Sarkozy were predict-
ing the reforms would have to be implemented
8| 8k!|8
8||k \kkK?
THE NEW president deIivers a victory
speech {Ieft); Sarko supporters ceIebrate
WORLD
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French troops out of the Iraq war.) One source
close to Harper said Sarkozy regards Canada
as a natural for any French leader who
seeks a closer relationship with the countries
of North and South America.
As a consequence, the choice of a new
Canadian ambassador to Paris is said to be
unusually important. The current ambassa-
dor, Claude Iaverdure, a long-time foreign-
policy adviser to Chrtien, may not last in
Paris much longer. Among those who have
been named as possible replacements is Ber-
nard Iord, the former Conservative premier
of New Brunswick. If Harper prefers a career
diplomat, it is thought he may opt for Marc
Iortie, the former press secretary to Brian
Mulroney who was Chrtien's personal rep-
resentative to the zoo1 Summit of the Amer-
icas in Quebec City, and who now serves as
Canada's ambassador to Spain.
But any emissary from Canada can only
watch, along with everyone else in France, as
a brash and ambitious new president begins
a climactic confrontation against the country's
durable status quo. That Sarkozy made it this
far is a testament to his formidable political
smarts and to a dawning realization among
ordinary French citizens that the country is
due for reform. But the real test for the pres-
ident, and for his people, lies ahead.
quickly, before union and student groups can
sap the momentum in favour of change.
Those changes will be watched closely in
Canada, where two prominent reform prime
ministersJean Chrtien and Stephen Harper
have already developed close ties to Sarkozy's
entourage.
The Chrtien government's success in
eliminating budget dencits while cutting
unemployment and repeatedly winning elec-
tions is a subject of considerable fascination
in France. Several French notables, includ-
ing the senator Jean Arthuis and the nnan-
cier Arnaud Iagardiere, have visited the
Ottawa ofnce of Heenan Blaikie, the law
nrm where Chrtien now works, to seek his
counsel. Iast December, Chrtien met Sar-
kozy in Paris, not for the nrst time, after the
former Canadian prime minister delivered
a speech to conservative French politicians
on a favourite theme: How to Implement
Reforms and Not Iose Elections."
Sources in Ottawa say Sarkozy's advisers
have already developed good working ties to
Harper's Prime Minister's Ofnce, where Sar-
kozy is seen as a potentially valuable ally on
matters of trade and foreign affairs. Sarkozy
is not bashful about proclaiming his admira-
tion for the United States, but he has said he
would have followed Chirac's lead in keeping
RlOT POLlCE LEAD away a protester during a demonstration in PIace de Ia BastiIIe in
Paris, foIIowing Sarkozy's win. Tear gas was used to disperse the angry crowd.
PAKlSTAN: WHERE DlD WE PUT THAT PLUTONlUM7
NucIear authorities, optinQ on the side of caution, have run news-
paper ads askinQ readers to heIp Iocate "Iost or stoIen" radioactive
materiaI. OfficiaIs say there was a "very remote chance" that nu-
cIear materiaI imported into the country as much as five decades
aQo has vanished. !n 2DD4, a Pakistani scientist admitted IeakinQ
nucIear secrets to North Korea. But a spokesman for the nation's
nucIear reQuIator says "there is nothinQ to worry about."
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BY PATRICIA TREBLE A frail ;-year-old
Cuban expatriate and former CIA operative
is causing headaches for the Bush adminis-
tration. Iuis Posada Carriles was due to go
on trial Friday in Texas, charged with immi-
gration fraud after he
surfaced in Florida in
zoo,, but on Tuesday
the judge threw out
the case, accusing pro-
secutors of fraud and
deceit. Posada, how-
ever, still faces ser i -
ous allegations. Cuba
brands him a ter ror -
ist and wants him
brought to trial for
plotting the 1;6
bomb ing of a Cub ana
Airlines flight that
kil led , people, in -
cluding the country's Oly mpic fencing team.
In a declassined FBI document, Posada
was quoted boasting, we are going to hit a
Cuban airplane," shortly before the explo-
sion. And last fall the Justice Department
called him an admitted mastermind of ter-
rorist . . . attacks." Yet a government so fero-
cious for its hardline with us or against us"
stand on terrorists won't deport Posada,
charge him with the bombing, or even hold
him under the Patriot Act, which allows
detention of suspected terrorists. In April
he was released on bailan act that Cuba
denounced as an emphatic denial to the
alleged 'war on terror.' "
Posada has had a long relationship with
the United States. The Cuban exile trained
with the CIA for the failed 1;61 Bay of Pigs
invasion. Although the U.S. says the rela-
tionship stopped shortly after the 1;6
bombing, Posada claims it continued for
another decade, and even involved him giv-
ing weapons to the U.S.-backed Nicaraguan
Contra rebels.
Even though the immigration case has col-
lapsed, the U.S. might yet try Posada for ter-
rorism. FBI agents recently went to Havana
looking for evidence linking him to a series
of bombings there in the late ';os that killed
an Italian tourist. The attacks was allegedly
nnanced by Cuban American exiles. Though
denying all of the charges, Posada's lawyer
has acknowleged his client's colourful life,
if a movie is ever made, Madc in thc I.S.4.
would be his title suggestion.
Opening the
h Ies on British
hying saucers
BY DAFNA IZENBERG European UFO
enthusiasts got a big break this spring as both
France and the U.K. moved to unlock their
X-nles," making public previously classined
reports of extraterrestrial sightings. France's
national space agency posted ,o years' worth
of materialmore than 1oo,ooo pages of wit-
ness testimony, photographs and nlm and
audio footageon its website last March, only
to have its Veb server crash three hours later
in the deluge of eager hits. And last week, the
British Ministry of Defence announced that
it will begin releasing the contents of z( mas-
sive nles thought to have been lost to asbes-
tos contamination.
Nick Pope, a British TV personality who
ran the MoD's UFO project from 1;;1 to
1;;(, says there have been over 1o,ooo reports
of UFO sightings since 1;,o. He says the min-
istry would dearly love" to open all its nles,
it already provides
electronic access to
original data on Eng-
land's most famous
UFO cases, Rendle-
sham and Condign.
But any reports that
are released have to
be combed through
for witnesses' names
they don't want a
UFO enthusiast turn-
ing up at their house
saying, 'I've just read
your sighting in the
nles,' " says Pope) as
well as any sensitive military information,
such as radar capabilities.
Pope says the contamination of the z(
files in question led to many conspiracy
theories among UFO enthusiasts. They
thought the government was lying about this
and it was going to be an excuse to destroy
the nles," he says. Instead, MoD spent several
million pounds to detoxify the nles, each of
which contains between zoo and ,oo reports,
amounting to tens of thousands of docu-
ments. The process of publicizing them will
be gradual, but ultimately it should give
ufologists" some measure of relief.
Iiterally, some of them think we have
spaceships at military bases and dead aliens
in the basement," says Pope. Under the
Freedom of Information Act, the ministry
gets more requests about UFOs than any
other subject, including the war in Iraq."
China hnaIIy
owns up to
an outrage
BY REBECCA ADDELMAN It's known as
the 1z/8/;( incident: the day in December,
1, years ago, when hundreds of Chinese
schoolchildren burned to death in a theatre
in the city of Karamay. The kids, the bright-
est in their class and ranging in age from
to 1(, were being rewarded with a special
variety performance. To sweeten the deal,
they were honoured by the presence of some
of the city's senior Communist party mem-
bers. Until, that is, a lamp short-circuited
and ames engulfed the stage, prompting
one ofncial to call out to the ,oo children:
Don't move. Iet the leaders go nrst." Vhen
the smoke had cleared, the senior party mem-
bers were alive, z88 children and several
dozen teachers were not.
The incident received scant media attention
for over a decade, the victims' families each
given up to s8,8oo, then dismissed. But now,
thanks to a new documentary released by Chi-
nese reporter Chen Yaowen, the government
is, in its own special way, owning up to its neg-
ligence. After it was banned by TV censors,
Yaowen posted the nlm on his website. Despite
the up to (o,ooo people who monitor the
Internet on behalf of the government, the
documentary hasn't been tampered with.
Millions of Chinese citizens have already
viewed the footage, prompting an outpour-
ing of long-suppressed grief and rage.
Experts view the lack of censorship as a pas-
sive admission of wrongdoing. The govern-
ment is quite sensitive right now to allegations
of ofncial corruption," says Sophie Richard-
son, deputy director of Human Rights Vatch's
Asia division. This is a way of saying, 'Iook,
we are trying, in our own way, to respond to
this.' " Evidence has emerged, too, that the
party meted out its own justice. An internal
court convicted 1( people, four of them sen-
ior members, of neglecting their duty that day.
They were given prison sentences of up to nve
years. The public was never privy to this infor-
mationuntil now.
But the victims' families aren't appeased.
They are demanding a public apology and
commemoration of the dead, as well as fur-
ther punishment for the nre-dodgers. This,
says Richardson, might be asking too much.
It's not in the standard repertoire of govern-
ment responses. If they apologize for this,
then they have to apologize for SARS, then
for the Songhua River chemical spill, then for
Tiananmen, and then even for the Cultural
Revolution."
The troubIing
dossier on
Luis Posada
BRITONS HAVE
reported more
than 10,000
UFO sightings
AN ADMITTED
mastermind of
terror remains
on U.S. soil
WORLD

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thenewaudiTT.ca
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Q
uincy, a two-trafnc-light town
in the foothills of central Vash-
ington state, seems about as far
away from the cutthroat world
of American capitalism as you can get. This
is farming country. Irrigation pipes snake
across the land. The only place to get a new
set of wheels is the John Deere tractor dealer-
ship. Unless you know where to look, you'd
never guess this is a staging ground for what
promises to be the most epic corporate battle
of a generation.
On the northwest edge of town, a hulking
grey building the size of a Val-Mart Super-
centre rises from an old bean neld. It's clear
from the oodlights and imposing black fence,
though, that this is no big-box store. Vhen
construction of the windowless monolith is
complete, it will house a new type of farm
what's known as a server farm. Or, to be more
precise, a data centre, one vast enough to
store and process an almost-inconceivable
reservoir of digital information. There are
no signs to say who owns it, but this is Micro-
soft's project. And the Redmond, Vash.-based
technology giant has plans to erect another
data centre nearby, and then another. Six
massive storehouses of hard drives and cir-
cuit boards in all, sprawling across , acres
of farmland. You'd almost think they were
trying to send a message.
And they are. This is ground zero for the
information arms race. Just down the Col-
umbia River in Oregon, Microsoft's key rival,
Google, is building its latest server farm. The
Veb search and advertising company has
plans for another data centre on ,oo acres in
South Carolina, and work has begun on a
massive new facility in the Netherlands, add-
ing to Google's staggering arsenal: an esti-
mated one million servers humming away
around the globe. The proliferation is tan-
gible evidence of a nght for global domina-
tion, observers say. Data centres are the
baseline level at which these companies are
going to do battle," says Rich Miller, editor
of Data Center Knowledge, which tracks the
industry. Everything builds up from there."
Iast week, the brewing rivalry bubbled
briey into the open with connrmation that
Microsoft has been pursuing a takeover of
Yahoo!currently Google's most direct com-
petitor. Analysts estimate Microsoft would
have to pay in the range of USs,o billion,
but the move would instantly vault Bill
Gates's behemoth into a dead heat with
technology's newest powerhouse.
Vhat's the ultimate goal
in this high-stakes show-
down? Nothing short of all
of the world's knowledge
and experiences. Both com-
panies have vowed to aggre-
gate every bit of informa-
tion as it courses around
the worldyours, your com-
pany's, your government's
and to control how it's pro-
duced, sorted, retrieved and
transmitted. Everything
from obscure texts and old
newsreels to your emails,
ofnce work, photos and that
grainy 8-mm footage of
Uncle Joe when he was a kid.
The sum total of human
knowledge and experience.
It's a mammoth opportun-
ity in terms of the value of all that informa-
tion," says Rob Enderle, principal analyst of
Enderle Group, a technology consultancy in
San Jose. People have talked about doing
this before but we've never had the technol-
ogy to digitize everything, index it and give
people access to it."
There are billions to be made and at least
that many questions to be answeredabout
ownership, and privacy, and how to regulate
what is sure to be the world's biggest busi-
ness, with almost limitless potential.
A: I: OI1N 1L cA: when superpowers
face off, there's been no formal declaration
of hostilities. But last week's revelations about
Microsoft and Yahoo! were just the latest sign
that the battle is on. In the past few months,
Microsoft has publicly argued Google poses
a threat to the rights of copyright holders, to
the privacy of Veb users, and to open com-
petition in Internet advertising. Google,
meanwhile, has gone after the hearts and
minds of technology users with a barrage of
free online services that threaten the Micro-
soft pront machine like nothing else before.
More than anything, though, the compan-
ies are drawing on their arsenals of cold hard
cash to nnance their quest for dominance.
Microsoft, with USsz8 billion in its hoard,
and Google, with USs11 billion, have laid out
massive sums in a barrage of big-ticket deals
over the last year that have pushed their bat-
tle to new fronts, including wireless content,
video game advertising, voice activated search
tools, online video and even the realm of
health care. Just last month, Google beat out
Microsoft to buy Internet technology nrm
DoubleClick for USs,.1 billion.
The companies are convinced that cutting
such huge cheques will let them harvest even
bigger returns from the ow of information
running through their servers. There's def-
initely no shortage of the stuff. Consider just
a second's worth of recent posts on twittcr.
com, which allows its 1oo,ooo users to instantly
share their thoughts and actions at any
moment of the day:
cmotioncr: Bombings in Shiite Areas Kill
86 in Iraq
polcnwcb: I have the munchies so bad. The
house smells like poop. Emily just had a
The struggle to
own the Internet
GOOGLE'S LARRY PAGE and Sergey Brin {right) are buiIding
huge data centres {beIow) to fueI the information arms race
Microsoft and Google
are digging in for a
ght to control the
way we communicate
BY JASON KIRBY
3S
BUSINESS

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found fears. Information is an extremely
important resource. It's the fuel and raw
material of citizenship, so we should be deeply
concerned about the ways it operates in our
lives," says Siva Vaidhyanathan, associate
professor of culture and communication at
New York University. Do we want just one
or two companies to be the portal to all of
the important information of the world?"
Google, which has led the digitization
charge, likes to present its plan in utopian
terms. Google co-founder Sergey Brin once
went so far as to say the perfect search engine
would be like the mind of God." But the
Almighty has a lot to learn from Google when
it comes to cashing in on omnipotence.
Google's growth has been phenomenal. In
the time it took Microsoft to develop and
launch its much-delayed Vindows Vista oper-
ating system, Google grew from a nifty search
engine with a quirky name a googol is a term
for a one, followed by 1oo zeros) to an Inter-
net giant. Vith a market capitalization of
USs1( billion, Google is on par with IBM,
the granddaddy of computing, and already
half the size of Microsoft. The company
handled roughly ,., billion search queries
last month, according to Veb measurement
nrm Comscore, giving it a (8 per cent share
of the market and growing. Microsoft, which
has sunk more than USs1 billion into its
own online search initiatives, is far behind
with just ;.6 per cent. And by earning a few
cents each time surfers click on one of the
ads it has placed all over the Internet, includ-
ing inside personal emails sent through its
Gmail service, Google raked in USs1o.6 bil-
lion in pront in zoo6, up a stunning , per
cent from the year before. Microsoft's online
ad revenue is barely a quarter of that amount.
Google is completely unlike any of the com-
panies Microsoft has pounded into the
ground over the years," says venture capital-
ist Paul Kedrosky. They're more like Micro-
soft was in its early daysyoung, hungry and
aggressive."
As it goes after a wider slice of Veb users'
lives, the company is setting its sights on a
raft of new areas. Google already offers a
dizzying array of applications, from online
calendars and a photo editor, to maps and
shopping services. And with each new step,
it tramples further onto Microsoft's territory.
Iast month, CEO Schmidt demonstrated a
new presentation application similar to Micro-
nasty ass something musta died in her body
diaper.
duwanis: Hate it when the bagboy tries to
guess what I'm having for dinner
ariscn: i'm using this dumb site!
Free verse, Internet poetry or digital detritus,
the twittering masses now generate more
information in a single year than in the mil-
lenia since man nrst learned to communicate.
According to research nrm IDC, the world
churned out 161 exabytes of digital informa-
tion in zoo6an amount roughly equal to 1z
stacks of books reaching from the earth to
the sun. Put another way, you could nll the
entire U.S. Iibrary of Congress a million
times over with the information we generate
each year. And yet we'd still need somewhere
to store every episode of Thc Simpsons that's
been posted on YouTube.
In the eyes of Google, Microsoft and many
others, every byte is potential money in the
bank. Eric Schmidt, the chief executive of
Google, is one of a new breed of philosopher
CEOs who love to revel in ponderous ques-
tions about the Internet's ultimate impact on
humanity. But Schmidt got right to the point
at a recent investor conference when he asserted
Google's long-standing mission to bring all
the world's information to each person, on
every device, in every location." A week later,
Microsoft's CEO, Steve Ballmer, echoed that
war cry, telling an audience at Stanford Uni-
versity the company dreams of helping people
nnd and organize and manage the . . . ocean
of information that the world is creating and
that they're creating themselves."
The information confabulation goes far
beyond the mindless chatter on social net-
working sites. Online video accounts for a
huge chunk of the annual info-crop, but it is
just the beginning. Vhole archives of old
newsreels are being digitized. Iater this year
the NBC network and News Corp. will launch
their own online video venture offering
streaming TV shows and movies. Meanwhile,
huge amounts of bandwidth will go to broad-
casting live video images across the Veb. At
the same time, massive projects are under-
way to scan and digitize much of the world's
paper-bound knowledge. Google has fam-
ously forged ahead with plans to digitize mil-
lions of books and make
them searchable, ignoring
lawsuits that accuse it of
copyright infringement. Not
to be outdone, Microsoft,
in conjunction with publish-
ers, has its own book scan-
ning project. There's still plenty of informa-
tion left to conquer. At present only about
1., per cent of the nine billion documents in
the U.S. National Archive are expected to be
digitized any time soon. The other ;8., per
cent could be a highly lucrative business.
All of this raises huge possibilities and pro-
The companies have
plenty of cash to fuel the
ght. Google: $11 billion,
Microsoft: $28 Billion.

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soft's ubiquitous PowerPoint. That's in addi-
tion to a word processor and spreadsheet
program. He stuck to his story that Google
is not targeting Microsoft, but no one believes
him anymore. Google's offering, according
to Jim Murphy, an analyst with AMR Research,
is the most substantial challenge to Micro-
soft on the enterprise desktop in more than
1o years."
That may be nothing compared to what
Google really has up its sleeve. How about a
Google Bank, a Google Phone and even a
Googlenet? Piece by piece, company watch-
ers are assembling a picture of what Google
will look like in the future. Robert X. Cringely,
a noted tech pundit, says the company has
been furiously buying and leasing swaths of
unused nbre optic cable buried underground.
He believes the network could act as an
alternative to the creaking
Veb should Internet pro-
viders clamp down on how
much bandwidth users are
allowed. Google wants to
in its own waycontrol the
Internet," he wrote recently.
In fact, they probably con-
trol it already and we just
haven't noticed."
Meanwhile, Stephen Arn-
old, a retired engineer and
author of the book Thc
Cooglc lcgacy, says the com-
pany is readying itself to do
battle across a host of indus-
tries. Arnold regularly mines
Google's patent nlings for
hints of what the company
has planned. I try to deconstruct the legal
baloney," he says, so I can ngure out what
the hell they're building." Arnold says he's
spotted six industries Google may tackle.
There are various patents around nnancial
services transactions and managing large-
scale corporate databases. But most interest-
ing of all are those nlings that show Google
developing telephone infrastructure. Schmidt
has said he foresees free cellphone service in
the future, while the company has long been
rumoured to be working on a Google cell-
phone in its labs.
Add it all up, and it looks like we're headed
for a Google Vorld. Some speak darkly of
the company's shock and awe campaign. In
early April, 8usincssvcck magazine posed
the question Is Google too Powerful?"
Microsoft, long regarded as high tech's bad
boy thanks to epic antitrust battles in Europe
and America, is doing everything it can to
foment the notion Google is the new thug
on the block. In a speech in March to book
publishers, Thomas Rubin, a Microsoft law-
yer, blasted Google's book-scanning project
as a way for the company to rake in billions
without creating any content of its own. And
within days of Google's takeover of Double-
Click, Brad Smith, another Microsoft lawyer,
called on regulators to review the deal. This
proposed acquisition raises serious competi-
tion and privacy concerns," he said. It gives
jGoogle] unprecedented control in the deliv-
ery of online advertising, and access to a huge
amount of consumer information by track-
ing what customers do online."
Yet for all the bluster and hype that accom-
panies every move Google makes, it has a
glaring Achilles heel. Google is not primarily
a technology company. It's in the ad business,
which isn't the greatest, fastest-growing indus-
try out there. Google still generates ;; per
cent of its revenue selling ads, despite efforts
to diversify. Supporters of the company point
out global advertising is a USs1,o-billion a
year industry, and online ads account for just
a tiny fraction, leaving lots of room to grow.
But Google is still in a dicey position. Adver-
tising is extremely cyclical. Any downturn in
the ad market could cripple its nnances.
Navigating the ups and downs of the ad
world will be easy, though, compared with
making all of its free services pay off. Google's
costs are soaring as it rushes to build the
infrastructure needed to host its suite of appli-
cations, like those mammoth data centres.
Capital costs doubled to nearly USsz billion
in zoo6, and are likely to more than double
again this year, outstripping revenue growth.
Users will eventually be asked to pay up by
giving Google greater access to their personal
thoughts, interests and desires so it can resell
them to advertisers, similar to the way Gmail
scans users' email for keywords. Vaidhy-
anathan isn't sure people have come to terms
with the pay-with-your-privacy business
model. Ve're dazzled and thrilled by the
convenience and abundance that Google
offers, but I don't think we've taken a good
look at the real terms of the transaction," he
says. Vhat we give up is a tremendous
amount of information about ourselves."
Vill users who jot to-do lists in Google
Docs accept seeing ads that are drawn from
their personal itineraries? Or would people
accept a free Google phone if it allowed a
digital voice analyzer to eavesdrop on their
conversations to sell targeted adssomething
that is very quickly becoming possible?
As Microsoft scrambles to catch up to its
elusive rival, and begins to ex its muscles,
there's another question that Bill Gates &
Co. may help to answer: is
Google really the most
innovative, disruptive com-
pany of our times, or just
a bunch of geeks with too
much money to burn?
one of Microsoft's
top engineers told Ballmer
that he was leaving to take
a job at Google. According
to Veb lore, the CEO ew
into a rage, threw a chair
across the room and hurled
no less than three F-shots
at Google's Schmidt while
threatening to kill Google."
Ballmer later said the inci-
dent didn't happen that way, but it doesn't
really matter. For a long time it didn't look
like Microsoft had the wherewithal to follow
up on Ballmer's threat, anyway.
The analyst community has certainly tuned
the company out. Of (o equity analysts who
regularly cover Microsoft, 1, recommend
investors either Hold" or Sell" the stock,
the Vall Street equivalent of a Bronx cheer.
Almost as many analysts cover Google, but
almost every one of them considers it a Buy"
despite its USs(o stock price and hefty valu-
ation. And among software developers who
have long lived in the shadow of Microsoft,
the schadcnjrcudc is palpable. Microsoft is
dead," venture capitalist Paul Graham wrote
in an essay that raged across the Internet in
early April. He didn't mean dead in the bank-
rupt sense. Just that the company no longer
BlLL GATES predicted the power of the Net, but was stiII sIow to capitaIize on it
Microsoft is dead, one critic
wrote recently, but others say
its too early to call the ght
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matters. They were like Nero or Commo-
dusevil in the way only inherited power can
make you." It is now assumed Google has
usurped Microsoft, just as IBM's incredibly
cumbersome operating system gave way to
Microsoft's user-friendly icon-based point-
and-click system.
But others think it's far too early to call the
nght. Microsoft is certainly right to feel
threatened by Google and regard them as a
serious contender, but I still think all this talk
of Google defeating Microsoft is a bit pre-
mature, maybe even a bit hopeful," says
Michael Desmond, an editor at kcdmond
magazine in Seattle, which focuses exclusively
on the company. Microsoft has always been
caught nghting the last war, and a nimble
opponent like Google could make some ser-
ious progress, until Microsoft wakes up."
In March, Ray Ozzie, who replaced Gates
as chief software architect 1o months ago,
said Google's success with Internet advertis-
ing had been just thata wake-up call."
Ozzie's task is to drag the lumbering giant
into the Internet age. To that end the com-
pany has touted a strategy of offering online
services to complement, rather than replace,
the Microsoft software running on users'
computers. Google's point of view is that
they can move everything online," says Matt
Rosoff, an analyst with Directions on Micro-
soft. Microsoft's view is that desktop soft-
ware will continue to be important, but that
they have to add more jonline] services."
Meanwhile, Microsoft has revamped its
Internet search tool and brought its online
services under the Vindows Iive brand.
Microsoft says a major marketing push will
be unveiled in the coming months in an effort
to close the gap on Google. This is a long-
term battle for us," says Adam Sohn, a spokes-
man for the company. The thing about
competing in Internet time is people think
a year into the effort they want to declare
the game over."
But Microsoft's biggest gun in this battle is
its willingness to dip into its war chest. For
example, last month, after much speculation,
Google launched a voice-activated search ser-
vice available through a 1-8oo number. In turn,
Microsoft has plunked down USs8oo million
for TellMe Networks, which offers voice-acti-
vated mobile search. In early zoo6, Microsoft
paid up to USs(oo million to buy Massive,
which develops advertising for video games.
Then in February Google snapped up Adscape,
a start-up in the same neld, for USsz( million.
Iast year Google created a health division. So
in February Microsoft bought MedStory, a
search engine dedicated to health care. Google
may have won the battle for DoubleClick,
which Microsoft desperately coveted, but the
acquisition war is far from over.
Blow for blow, Microsoft is willing to dole
out gobs of cash to match its more quick-
footed foe. The strategy has angered invest-
ors who would rather see the money returned
to them in the form of dividends or share
buybacks. But Gates and Ballmer, the com-
pany's two biggest shareholders, are sticking
to their guns. Dividends, they argue, might
have made sense when Microsoft looked like
the unassailable titan of the computer world.
But things can change fast in the information
economy, and Google's emergence shows
they already have.
Vhich is why many analysts think a rival
search engine company like Yahoo! or 4sk.
com is on Microsoft's menu. Such a deal,
involving potentially thousands of employ-
ees and vastly different corporate cultures,
would be incredibly hard to pull off. But it
would at least put Microsoft within spitting
distance of Google in online ad sales and
search rankings .
Vhatever Ballmer may yell while he's
throwing around furniture, Microsoft isn't
yet in a position to inict a mortal wound on
Google. But the company is far more danger-
ous than people give it credit for.
If anyone thinks Google and Microsoft are
powerful now, though, they haven't seen
anything yet. The amount of information
currently available is piddly compared to the
info-monster being brought to life in com-
puter labs from Silicon Valley to Seattle. As
the annual sum of new data reaches into the
exabytes, zettabytes, yottabytes and beyond,
experts predict powerful new search tech-
nologies will be unleashed capable of recog-
nizing images and sounds, specincally faces
and voices. As a result it will be easier than
ever before for Veb companies to create
detailed pronles of Veb users, not just of their
tastes and interests, but their predilections
and hopes, too.
There's every reason to believe that Google,
with its early lead, and Microsoft, with its
huge resources, will be at the forefront of that
massive information harvest. As they're nnd-
ing out in Quincy, it promises to be a bumper
crop.
If you think Microsoft and
Google aretoo powerful, you
havent seen anything yet
Dow's controlling Bancroft family sniffed at
Murdoch's USs,-billion overture almost
immediately. And so, an offer 6, per cent
higher than Dow's recent share price was
rejected without so much as a meeting to
examine it. And that tells you a great deal
about the entrenched powers standing behind
the }ournal and most other grand old media
institutions in the North American media
business: nobody can make them change if
they don't want to.
The Bancroft clan controls the company
through a bloc of super-voting shares that
affords them an effective veto over pretty
much everything. These are public compan-
ies in name onlyand shareholders are silent
partners. The same is true of the Ncw ork
Timcs, that other revered symbol of Amer-
ican journalistic excellence. Super-voting
shares have allowed chairman Arthur Sulz-
berger Jr., scion of the Timcs` controlling
family, to withstand a campaign by disgrun-
tled investors to force management change.
Ied by an outspoken fund manager named
Hassan Elmasry, the critics complain that
management has spent money foolishly and
collected lavish compensation while the stock
price has declined by more than half in the
past nve years. At the company's annual
meeting last month, Sulzberger explained
that the dual-class share structure was essen-
tial to maintaining stability" and quality"
at the Timcs. His grandfather, Arthur Hays
Sulzberger, created the structure to get us
through times like these," he said. So far,
Elmasry has been able to inict nothing but
embarrassment, convincing a majority of
common shareholders to withhold their
votes from the board of directors at the
annual meeting. It was a symbolic protest,
but after the disgrace of the Jayson Blair
scandal, the Judith Miller weapons of mass
destruction nasco, and the shame of the
paper's coverage of last year's Duke Univer-
sity rape allegations, Sulzberger doesn't get
embarrassed too easily anymore.
At nrst glance, it seems frightened journal-
ists, intransigent executives and angry share-
holders are at war. In fact, they have a lot in
common. They share the same fundamental,
impossible desire: to turn back the clock and
live as if the golden age of newspapers was
still a reality, that it didn't really end more
than a decade ago.
Their nostalgia is understandable. That
was truly a golden age, back when hundreds
of papers employed huge staffs of unionized
reporters and editors, with upper-middle-
class salaries, benents and job security. Exec-
utives and family owners were local royalty
rich and wildly inuentialfollowing a simple
formula, selling massive readership to will-
ing advertisers. Investors collected fat divi-
dends based on consistent pront margins of
z, per cent or more. North America is a
free-ride society, we always want somebody
else to pay for it," explains Miles Groves, a
former economist with the Newspaper Asso-
ciation of America, who now works as a media
consultant based in Vashington. Advertis-
ers paid for everything. That's the model
that created the media in this country. But
that advertising and distribution model is
going away."
Since 1;o, total circulation for U.S. news-
papers has declined by more than 1o million.
In the nrst quarter of this year, daily circula-
tion of the top z, newspapers in the U.S.
slipped by another two per cent year-over-
year. Advertisers are now eeing as well, after
a 1. per cent decline in newspaper ad rev-
enue in zoo6, sales slipped another (., per
THE NEW ORK TIME$ has fierceIy resisted sharehoIders who are demanding reforms
BY STEVE MAICH Vhen Rupert Murdoch
unveiled his USs,-billion bid for Dow Jones
& Co. last week, a wave of terror rumbled
through the newsroom of the vall Strcct
}ournal, Dow's marquee publication. Noth-
ing captured the sense of fear and loathing
quite like a quote from an unnamed staffer
that appeared in the los 4ngclcs Timcs. The
Ncw ork Post and Fox News are grotesque,
fearsome mutants of what newsrooms should
be," the person said, referring to Murdoch's
two best-known American outlets. The
newsroom is aghast at the idea."
Happily for those trembling reporters,
WKk!'\ K|kCK k8| WK|!|
k8| |8 !K| k||?
At North Americas
iconic media brands,
change is the enemy
40
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recent attempt to buy Reuters Group.
As Murdoch himself said last week, the
beauty of high-quality journalism is that you
can charge for it." If anybody should know
that, it's the people at the }ournal, where their
websitegenerally considered one of the best
in the businesshas more than oo,ooo pay-
ing subscribers. Around the world forward-
looking media companiesthe BBC, linan
cial Timcs, even Canada's Clobc and Mailare
pouring money and expertise into making
themselves players in the world of electronic
news and information.
But the industry's old guard isn't ready to
hear that change can be good. People are
terrined to the point that they can't think
straight," says Mutter. They've gone from
denial to panic in ,o seconds, and neither of
those are good frames of mind to be innova-
tive and get over the hurdles they're facing."
Every once in awhile, that sense of terri-
ned panic comes through, as in that anony-
mous quote from the aghast" }ournal staffer.
The thought that Rupert Murdoch, that pur-
veyor of cheap tattle and right-wing dogma,
might come in and force them to changc?
Vell, it's just too awful to consider.
The good news is that powerful, prontable
brands like the Ncw ork Timcs and vall Strcct
}ournal have everything it takes to survive and
thrive in the new media business. Contrary to
the prevailing pessimism, there seems to be
plenty of demand for quality reporting and
intelligent commentary on things that matter.
But those who continue to believe that change
is the enemy have already lost.
cent in the nrst three months of this year. In
Canada, StatsCan ngures show revenues are
virtually at, and are not keeping pace with
rising operating costs.
For a while it was hoped that media com-
panies would make up for lost revenues in
their print editions with rapid growth of their
online editions and other new media ven-
tures. But last month, the Timcs, Tribune Co.
and Gannett all reported that online revenue
growth was slowing fast, and could no longer
be counted upon to make up for lost sales in
print. Iayoff notices from major media organ-
izations are now a weekly event1oo jobs
targeted for cutting at the l.4. Timcs, up to
,o more to be axed from the Chicago Tribunc,
same for the 8altimorc Sun, and that's just
in the past few weeks. Iayoffs keep pronts
up near their fat, historical levels and help
calm jittery investors, but they come at
unknown cost to the long-term health of
these once-powerful brands.
On Vall Street, conventional wisdom holds
that newspapers are a dying breed, and stock
prices have plunged accordingly. But lately
some have begun to worry that the industry's
malaise is even deeper: that news itself is
endangered by the public's taste for celebrity
websites, and narrow political blogs.
Purists maintain that the problem
rests with stock marketers and
their obsession with perpetual growth. The
entire commercial model of the industry must
be blown up, they say. If quality journalism
is to survive, big media companies must be
sold to munincent billionaires, committed
to public service.
Steven Rattner, a reporter-turned-million-
aire-investor, recently oated an even more
audacious plan. He essentially concedes that
journalism is failing as a business model, and
suggests that the way to preserve it is to con-
vert major news organizations to non-pront
trusts, funded through a combination of pub-
lic licensing fees and philanthropic gifts. Ratt-
ner concedes this is a tad far-fetched, but he
still ngures it's a good idea.
The trouble with both solutions is that they
are really just elaborate ways to avoid the
kind of change that would upset the comfort-
able status quo within newsrooms and execu-
tive suites across the continent. Those who
advocate private buyers are really hoping for
billionaire fairy godmothers who will protect
them from the harsh realities of the media
marketplace, dominated by ruthless capital-
ists like Rupert Murdoch. Those who call for
non-pront status are even more explicit about
their goals. They see their work as a sacred
calling, and the public's waning interest in
their work is irrelevant.
This week two revered former editors of
the }ournal came out against Murdoch's bid
for Dow Jones, saying his ownership was a
threat to the integrity" of the paper. It was
a strong echo of Sulzberger's defence of the
Timcs. Their wordsquality, stability, integ-
rity, independenceresonate within the news-
rooms, telling the staff just what they want
to hear. But out in the real world, they sound
like euphemisms to conceal a deep hostility
toward change, excuses to defend the status
quo, and a nostalgia for an industry that no
longer exists.
Alan Mutter a former editor with the San
lrancisco Chroniclc who now runs a Silicon
Valley consulting nrm, says a combination of
arrogance and fear caused most major media
companies to completely miss the opportun-
ities of the Internet. Now that their audiences
and revenues are diminishing, entrenched
managers and fearful staff run the risk of let-
ting their powerful brands fade into oblivion.
They need to understand that they can't just
tinker with the old model and 'nx' it and go
merrily on their way," he says. They have to
make profound changes."
Those who are making profound changes
paying attention to what people want to read,
and what they're willing to pay for are reap-
ing rewards. In less than ,o years Bloomberg
has grown into a business valued at close to
USszo billion, providing data and informa-
tion electronically to subscribers willing to
pay huge fees for fast access to reliable and
exclusive analysis of nnancial markets. A
similar strategy is behind Thomson Corp.'s
SULZBERGER {beIow Ieft) is suspicious of
capitaIist media barons Iike Rupert Murdoch
'||||| k|| \ I|||||||| IkI I|\ Ck4'I I|4K \I|k|CI'
EVEN PLUM JOBS HAVE A DOWNSlDE
An unidentified empIoyee of the BraziIian beveraQe Qiant AmBev
has won a US$49,4DD settIement for company-induced aIcohoI-
ism. A Iabour court heard that the man's |ob was to taste beer16
to 25 smaII QIasses per eiQht-hour shiftbut after a decade he'd
become an aIcohoIic. When AmBev's Iawyers aIIeQed the man had
been an aIcohoIic even before becominQ a beer taster, the |udQe
said AmBev was aII the more neQIiQent in QivinQ him the |ob.
BUSINESS
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BY PATRICIA TREBLE Buying a Martha
Stewart washed olive" green cotton hand
towel or even a pre-lit Baden pine Christmas
tree might be dc rigucur for devotees of the
domestic diva, but frozen veggies? Iast week,
Martha Stewart Iiving Omnimedia Inc. MSO)
nlled a gap in its product line, announcing
that Martha-branded food will be sold at Costco
starting next year. Though details are vague,
the warehouse behemoth will stock fresh,
refrigerated and even frozen products. For a
woman whose complicated magazine recipes
often feature ultra fresh premium items, the
idea of her name on frozen dinners might
seem like a stretch, but her fastidious empire
has been on an expansion tear recently.
Her original housewares line, Martha Stew-
art Everyday, are still in Sears Canada and
Kmart, but this autumn a high-end house-
hold collection will roll into Macy's, featuring
exclusive tableware for Vaterford Vedgwood.
And after years of maddeningly complicated
how-to crafting instructions in her magazines,
Stewart wants a chunk of the crafting market
she helped create. This month more than 6,o
of her own products, including scrapbooking
baubles and even a helpful system of stor-
age binders and boxes," are being unveiled
at Michaels stores across the continent. And
on Monday, MSO and KB Home announced
their 1oth joint home-building project will be
in Stapleton, Colo. The homes, inspired by
Stewart's estates, start around USs,,o,ooo.
Approving of the way the nrm has extended
the Martha brand beyond magazines, Michael
Meltz, an analyst at Bear Stearns, recently
said we think the future looks bright and
view the company as one of the few real
growth stories" in the media sector. And if
her ptc briscc recipe is just too difncult, a
frozen apple pie may be the answer.
BY KEN MACQUEEN Ioring Phinney has
one sweet job. As vice-president of corporate
and Olympic marketing for Bell Canada, his
task is to burnish, with nstfuls of cash, the
reputation of the country's largest telecom.
In October zoo(, Bell signed with VANOC
the Vancouver Organizing Committee for
the zo1o Olympicsas its nrst national spon-
sor. The szoo-million deal, the largest in
Canadian Olympic history, provides money,
marketing and telecommunications through
the zo1z Summer Games in Iondon. The
question: will Bell, at least in its current form,
still exist by then?
Iong-term deals foster
Olympic planning and prep-
aration, but they seem
almost quaint in to -
day's volatile corporate
climate. Bell, less than three years into its
eight-year deal, is in play as a juicy takeover
target. Hudson's Bay Co. signed on in zoo6
as a s1oo-million sponsor only to be bought
out months later by American billionaire
Jerry Zucker. General Motors Canada signed
an eight-year, s,,-million Olympic sponsor-
ship in late zoo,, and has been reeling from
nnancial setbacks ever since. Iast week, a s-
million deal was signed with Nortel Networks,
whose share history has more twists and turns
than a luge run.
Ve have every conndence that our Can-
adian corporate partners will continue with
their unprecedented support of the Games,"
an unrufed Dave Cobb, VANOC vice-pres-
ident for marketing and revenue, told Mac
lcan`s. Just in case, terms protecting both
parties are written into each deal, he says, to
ensure the partnerships continue in the spirit
in which they were agreed upon."
Besides, nobody likes a quitter. Certainly
Bell, says Phinney, is committed to the suc-
cess of the Games. This is the most signin-
cant event that will take place in our country
for however long," he says. HBC's Zucker has
also committed to great things for our ath-
letes and for Canada." Rather like the luge,
there's no getting off halfway.
The lce Oueen
of the frozen
food aisIe
BY KATE MACNAMARA Alberta's energy
trusts lost the benent of one tax shelter last
fall, and now they're quietly eyeing another.
New rules, set to pass along with the Con-
servative government's spring budget, require
trusts to abandon their current structure by
the end of zo1o, but questions about how
and when to convert remain. In a bid to main-
tain their tax advantage over regular corpora-
tions, several trust executives are now exam-
ining another loopholein what the business
world calls loss co.s."
Here's the trick: a profitable company
invests in a loss-making corporation, taking
control through debt. Because they're lend-
ing the loss co. money, rather than buying
equity in it, this shouldn't constitute a change
of control as far as the taxman is concerned.
The new managers clean up the loss co.many
of which are failed tech and mining nrms
with large liabilities. Then they merge the
trust with the loss co., and in one fell swoop,
convert to a corporation using years of accumu-
lated losses to legally avoid taxes. It's appeal-
ing, particularly for the smaller trusts," says
one executive who asked not to be named.
Ioss co.s could make sense, says John
Brussa pictured below), partner with Cal-
gary-based Burnett Duckworth & Palmer IIP
and one of the original trust architects, but
there is a tax risk, and nobody wants to be
attacked by Revenue Canada twice."
Understandably,
nobody wants to be
the first to act and
risk raising the ire of
tax ofncials in Ot ta-
wa. Besides, there's
no hurry. Vith a few
years left before the
deadline, trusts still
have plenty of time
to enjoy their tax-free
status and to hatch a
plan for the future.
But they might not
get that chance. Vhile
trust executives nose about after loss co.s,
others are eyeing the trusts, knowing they
can buy them at a discount in the wake of
last year's bombshell tax decision. Private
equity funds, particularly in the U.S., can
reduce their tax burden on both sides of the
border by buying Canadian trusts, and word
on Bay Street and in Calgary is that U.S. buy-
ers are already snifnng around for deals.
lncome trusts
eyeing a new
tax dodge
Rough times
for OIympic
sponsors
LOSS CO.S
could allow
trusts to avoid
taxes for years
MARTHA STEWARTS latest
product: high-end frozen veggies
BELL CANADA
says it remains
committed to
Vancouvers
Olympics

BUSINESS
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to a jury just three feet away. Radler, the con-
summate deal-maker, is closing his last big
deal. Not with some bespoke executives round
the boardroom table but with a dozen blue-
collar Chicagoans. Vhen the United States
government nnally caught up with him, he
had nothing left to sell but his business part-
ner of four decades. And so here he is, in the
well of a federal courtroom, working the
room, or at least the jury panel, to send Con-
rad Black and three other colleagues to jail
for a couple of centuries.
Vhat does he get in return? Twenty-nine
months in the slammer, and not in the same
federal correctional institution Black will be
headed to but a British Columbia country
club. Radler is a foreigner, and thus ineligible
under U.S. law for a minimum-security facil-
ity. He's also a germaphobe: sneeze in his
presence and watch him jump. His horror in
the communal showers doesn't start with
dropping the soap but with having to stand
there between the guy with the slight snife
and the fellow with a sore on his thumb. It
would not take much to persuade such a man
that he could not endure in such a place. But
the U.S. government's deal isn't signed, sealed
and delivered. He won't get the sentence until
David Radler stood in front
of a map of Canada studded
with dots and started to
warm to his theme. The red
dots represented papers
operated by Conrad Black
just three of them), the blue
dots represented papers
operated jointly by Black and Radler another
three), and the yellow dots represented papers
operated by Radlerhundreds and hundreds
of them, across the land, and each dot signi-
fying not a lone paper but the hub of a regional
network encompassing not just a major daily
but a web of weekly community papers and
local shoppers" and giveaways.
A small hunched man, David Radler seemed
to come out of his shell in front of the display,
his voice strong and conndent, his arms lively
and expansive. It's like he's making a pres-
entation at a board meeting," the National
Post's Mary Vallis whispered to me, and she
was right. But he was, in fact, speaking directly
after this trial, so he has every incentive to
perform. And on direct examination he made
a better tap dancer round the murkier ques-
tions of Hollinger life than the celebrity dir-
ectors of the previous week.
On Monday afternoon, at the end of his
nrst day, Radler stepped down from the wit-
ness stand and squeezed between the rows
of swivel chairs toward the courtroom door.
He stared straight ahead and avoided catch-
ing the eye of Black, seated with his lawyers
in the centre of the court. But Black's eyes
caught him, and coolly followed Radler
through the room and to the exit.
It's a familiar pattern for the defendant.
Hollinger's all-star audit committeeformer
Illinois governor Jim Thompson, former
nuclear arms negotiator Richard Burt, and
brainy gal economist Marie-Jose Kravisall
did the same. Vith the exception of Radler,
Black has been genially indulgent of each
betrayal, at least in advance. Oh, I don't
think jYour Name Here] will be so bad," he'll
say. He doesn't bear me any ill will." The
witness then takes the stand and shows a
weird determination to put Conrad away
in jail for several decades. Mrs. Kravis, for
example, was nercely hostile way beyond the
requirements of the Hollinger directors'
agreed narrative that they were innocent
dupes of the Black cabal: she clearly resented
him for sullying her good name with his
shabby little company, and only a life sen-
tence for Black in the federal penitentiary
would provide her with the necessary cath-
arsis. Her testimony that she only stayed 1,
minutes at Barbara Amiel's controversial
Hollinger birthday party was one of Marie-
Jose's more pointed twists of the knife.
The celebrity directors were pretty much
a disaster for the prosecution. Thompson,
Kravis and Burt's position is that they all took
their nduciary duties incredibly seriously yet
they all somehow managed to miss" the
same 11 paragraphs in 11 different documents
stating that they'd approved the non-com-
pete" fees to Black, Radler and Co. That's ,,
misses" in totaland half those documents
were ofncial nlings with the SEC personally
signed by the three directors.
This is supposedly the crime: not the non-
competes, but the non-approval of the non-
competes. As Radler tells it, it was all an acci-
dent. One day in zooo, Hollinger lawyer
Peter Atkinson called him up and said Izzy
Asper was demanding he sign a non-compete
in the sale of the Ottawa Citizcn et al. to Can-
Vest. I was kind of stunned," Radler testi-
ned, and when I gathered up my feelings I
told them I would have to have compensa-
Consummate deaI-
maker David RadIer is
cIosing his Iast big deaI
RADLER is questioned by the prosecution
whiIe Judge Amy St. Eve and BIack Iook on
MARK
STEYN
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fully. David Radler resigned as president and
chief operating ofncer and repaid s8., mil-
lion to the company. Conrad Black stayed
on as chairman and issued a press release
expressing his delight" and full support"
for the new Strategic Process" at Hollinger,
but quickly found himself less delighted and
no longer supportive. And Jack Boultbee,
Hollinger's accounting genius, told the usurp-
ers to go to hell, he'd done nothing wrong
and wasn't going to resign, and, if they wanted
to get rid of him, they'd have to nre him. So
they did.
Vith hindsight, Boultbee got it right.
Today, bald, paunchy and jovial, he seems
entirely at ease with himself, as well he
might. After all, where did Peter Atkinson's
full co-operation get him? A seat at the same
tion . . . because it would be taking me out of
business in about 8o per cent of English Can-
ada. So I asked for sz, million."
It was off the top of his head, but he came
pretty closes1; million. And a couple of
days later that number looked even better.
I had been made aware," he said, that non-
competes were an area of potential tax sav-
ings." That's to say, he chanced to read an
article either in the Clobc
and Mail or the National Post"
which revealed that non-com-
pete payments were tax-free
for Canadians, and that's
when the thought occurred
to him that maybe this thing
he'd signed with CanVest that
he hadn't wanted and which
had left him so stunned"
might prontably be applied
to Hollinger newspaper sales
south of the border. He men-
tioned it to his pal Conrad. I
said that we had the oppor-
tunity to extend the non-com-
petes to the U.S. and he was
supportive of this."
That's it. That's the scheme."
It's clever rather than crim-
inalas long as you get the
non-competes approved. And
there's a lot of ofncial docu-
mentation to indicate they
were approved, at least by the
desultory standards of the
Hollinger International audit
committee. And even if you
untangle the prosecution's art-
ful muddling of Hollinger Inc.
non-competes and individual
non-competes and CanVest-
requested non-competes and
non-requested non-competes, the govern-
ment's argument takes a lot of swallowing.
On the other hand, it seems to me, after
two months in court, that the most likely
explanation is the simplest one: Black, his
colleagues, his lawyers, his auditors, his dir-
ectors and his purchasers all went along with
these non-competes because they thought
them perfectly legal. Vhich they are.
The star witness's arrival in court marked
the first time the quartet of co-conspir-
ators"Black, Radler, Jack Boultbee and
Peter Atkinsonhad been in a room together
for a couple of years. In November zoo,,
when matters at Hollinger came to a head,
Peter Atkinson resigned from the board and
was described as a broken man" but remained
as executive vice-president and co-operated
defendants' table in Chicago. As for Black,
the reality is that there was never any pros-
pect of the smooth transition supposedly
agreed to at that November meeting. His
nemesis Richard Breeden, the former SEC
chairman brought in to disinfect Hollinger,
had no intention of letting the press baron
slide gracefully into early retirement. Not
just because Breeden's on a Hollinger retainer
of s8oo per hour, but because
his ability to charge that rate
and the maintenance of his
lifestyle as America's first
corporate-governance bil-
lionaire depends on nailing
high-profile scalps to his shin-
gle. From the moment he
was called in, it was clear that
he intended this to end not
with a bland press release and
a new CEO but with SEC
referrals and eventually a
criminal conviction. The dis-
gruntled minority sharehold-
ers would like to have seen
Governor Thompson, Mrs.
Kravis and the whole gang in
the dock. But criminal pros-
ecution doesn't work that
way. So the lawyers who'd
worked on the deals, and the
auditors who'd fine-combed
the accounts, and the direc-
tors who'd signed the SEC
filings, and the germaphobe
who dreaded the communal
showers, all were leaned on,
and all caved.
Had everyone stuck to the
Boultbee linethere's no
crime, get lostit might have
been very different. But they
didn't. And so, having signed
up a cast of witnesses, the
prosecution had to craft a
crime to nt the guys who were left. David
Radler made more money from these crimes"
than three of the four defendants combined.
But the United States government has decided
to send his colleagues to jail for his deals.
Conrad Black, said Radler in zoo,, took the
glory on the way up. He can take the shit on
the way down." This was the week he made
good on his promise.
BLACK'S BUSlNESS partner of four decades, David RadIer, arrives at court
BAD DlAGNOSlS LED TO POOR FlNANClAL HEALTH
When doctors toId John Brandrick, 62, of Newquay, EnQIand, he
had cancer and had |ust one year to Iive, Brandrick made prepara-
tions. He soId his car, stopped workinQ and payinQ his mortQaQe,
and treated himseIf and reIatives to the hiQh Iife for a year, keep-
inQ onIy a bIack buriaI suit. RecentIy, Brandrick found out from the
hospitaI that diaQnosed him that, whoops, he's actuaIIy perfectIy
heaIthy. Brandrick pIans to sue RoyaI CornwaII HospitaI.
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H
eart disease and stroke continue
to be the leading cause of
death in Canadian men and
women today. The Heart and Stroke
Foundation has helped reduce the
death rate for heart disease and stroke
by 70 per cent in the past 50 years by
providing $1 billion in research support,
and yet one in three Canadian deaths is
still due to these devastating diseases
every year.
There is still so much more to do as
millions remain at risk. The Foundation
continues to invest in world-class
research to further medical advances,
effect social change and educate
Canadians, consumer and health
professional alike, on how to prevent
and manage heart disease and stroke.
Thats why the Foundation is currently
funding more than 900 researchers
and teams across Canada.
These scientists are investigating
ways to prevent heart disease and
stroke through medical advances that
include research into the use of the
implantable pacemaker, development
of the articial heart and pioneering the
use of a clot-busting drug that, when
accessed quickly, can actually reverse
the effects of stroke. We are one of the
leaders in developing and updating
the guidelines for Cardiopulmonary
Resuscitation (CPR) and promoting
public recommendations for the
management of high blood pressure.
The Foundation is working to reduce
the risks of heart disease and stroke in
Canada. For example, we know that
atherosclerosis is the primary cause
of these diseases. Atherosclerosis
is a progressive thickening and
narrowing of the blood vessel wall
caused by plaque buildup. High blood
pressure, high levels of cholesterol and
triglycerides in the blood, and smoking
can all contribute to the development
of plaque. Atherosclerosis is the major
cause of heart attack and stroke.
Using genetics, our researchers are
nding ways to predict risk factors that
lead to heart disease and stroke. Some
even foresee that within ve to 10 years
we could have new preventive therapy
for those who are at increased risk
helping our children and grandchildren
live longer, healthier lives.
The Heart and Stroke Foundation
has also identied obesity as a new key
area of research and strategic focus,
given the alarming increases in the
rates of obesity in Canada. Our work
encompasses schools, workplaces,
urban design and public policy. In
schools, for example, the emphasis is
currently focused on healthy eating and
physical activity.
Our researchers are also looking into
what constitutes a heart-healthy diet.
Last year, the Foundation worked with
Health Canada on the Trans Fat Task
Force to create a set of recommenda-
tions to effectively eliminate heart-
clogging trans fats from our food supply.
Those are just some of the
Foundations results that may change
and save your life.
The Heart and Stroke Foundation is committed to achieving results that change lives
Read on for more information
contained in this supplement:
Cardiovascular disease dened
The ofcial warning signs of
heart attack and stroke
The measures of a healthy heart
Waist circumference and
healthy weights
Health Check food program
To nd out if you are at risk for
heart disease and stroke, take the
Heart and Stroke Foundations
Risk Assessment at
www.heartandstroke.ca/risk
Debrillators save lives
In Canada, 35,000 to 45,000 die each year as a result
of cardiac arrest. Thats why the Heart and Stroke
Foundation is advocating to increase the number of
Automated External Debrillators (AEDs) in public
places such as hockey arenas and airports. New AEDs
make it possible for even non-medical personnel to
restore heart rhythm and life. An AED is a machine
that can monitor heart rhythms. It can tell if the heart has
stopped beating effectively. If required, the machine
can then deliver an electric shock to the heart. Most of
the time, this shock will restart the heart. Debrillation
improves survival rates by up to 50 per cent if delivered
in the rst few minutes. With each passing minute, the
probability of survival declines by seven to 10 per cent.
Making debrillators easily accessible has the potential
to save thousands of lives.
Your heart is a muscle that gets energy from blood that
carries oxygen and nutrients. Having a constant supply of
blood keeps your heart working properly. Most people think
of heart disease as one condition, but in fact, heart disease is
a group of conditions affecting the structure and functions of
the heart and has many root causes. Coronary artery disease,
for example, develops when a combination of fatty materials,
calcium and scar tissue (called plaque) builds up in the arteries
that supply blood to your heart. The plaque buildup narrows
the arteries and prevents the heart from getting enough
blood. This is known as atherosclerosis. Other heart conditions
include angina (chest pain), arrhythmia (irregular heart beats),
cardiomyopathy (disease of the heart muscle), among others.
Learn more about different types of heart disease, surgeries
and medications at www.heartandstroke.ca
What you can do to prevent heart disease
Heart disease is preventable and manageable. Your best
defence is controlling the risk factors such as high blood
pressure and cholesterol that could lead to coronary artery
disease. You can further reduce your risk by considering these
heart-healthy steps:
Be smoke-free
Be physically active 30 to 60 minutes a day, most days of
the week
Know and control your blood pressure and cholesterol
Eat a healthy diet that is lower in saturated and trans fat
Achieve and maintain a healthy weight
Manage your diabetes
Limit alcohol use
Reduce stress
Visit your doctor regularly and follow your doctors advice
Cardiac arrest is not a heart attack
When a person stops breathing and the heart stops beating,
the condition is called cardiac arrest. A heart attack, on the
other hand, is when the blood supply to the heart is slowed
or stopped because of a blockage. Cardiac arrest may have a
variety of causes heart attack, drowning, stroke, electrocution,
suffocation, drug overdose, motor vehicle or other injury. If
you nd an adult, child or infant who is not breathing, you
must act quickly. Protect your loved ones learn what to do
in an emergency situation. Recognize the signs of cardiac
arrest, call 9-1-1 or your local emergency number, and take a
training course in Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR). The
Heart and Stroke Foundation is at the forefront of setting CPR
guidelines and training personnel across Canada.
Thousands of Canadians die from heart attacks every year because they dont get
medical treatment quickly enough. The Heart and Stroke Foundation strongly urges
Canadians to learn how to recognize the signals of a heart attack so you can react
quickly to save a life.
A normal heart is a strong muscular pump. It weighs between
200 and 425 grams and is a little larger than the size of your
st. Over the course of a day, the average heart beats about
100,000 times, pumping about 7,200 liters of blood.
Your heart sits between your lungs in the middle of your
chest, behind and slightly to the left of your breastbone. To
function, your heart needs a continuous supply of oxygen
and nutrients, which it gets from the blood that is pumped
through the coronary arteries.
When the blood supply to the heart is slowed or stopped
Pain
sudden discomfort or pain that does
not go away with rest
pain that may be in the chest, neck,
jaw, shoulder, arms or back
pain that may feel like burning,
squeezing, heaviness, tightness or
pressure
in women, pain may be more vague
chest pain or discomfort that is brought
on with exertion and goes away with
rest
Shortness of breath
difculty breathing
Nausea
indigestion
vomiting
Sweating
cool, clammy skin
Fear
anxiety
denial
If you are experiencing any of these warning
signals, you should:
CALL 9-1-1 or your local emergency
number immediately, or have
someone call for you. Keep a list of
emergency numbers near the phone
at all times.
Stop all activity and sit or lie down,
whatever position is most
comfortable.
If you take nitroglycerin, take your
normal dosage.
If you are experiencing chest pain, chew
and swallow one adult 325 mg ASA tablet
(acetylsalicylic acid, commonly referred to as
Aspirin) or two 80 mg tablets. Pain
medicines such as acetaminophen (Tylenol)
or ibuprofen (Advil) do not work the same
way as ASA (Aspirin) and therefore will
not help in the emergency situation
described above.
Rest comfortably and wait for
emergency medical services
(ambulance) to arrive.
because of a blockage, a heart attack occurs. Atherosclerosis,
the narrowing of coronary arteries due to plaque buildup,
causes more than 90 per cent of heart attacks. A heart attack
may also occur when a coronary artery temporarily contracts
or goes into a severe spasm, effectively shutting off the ow
of blood to the heart. The length of time the blood supply
is cut off will determine the amount of damage to the heart.
Some heart attacks may not affect the hearts functioning, but
others may interfere with its ability to pump blood effectively.
Sometimes a heart attack leads to cardiac arrest.
www.so-good.ca
Lets get to the heart of it.
Lately were hearing more about the role good fats play in a healthy diet, especially
Omega 6 and 3 fatty acids. Research suggests a link between these good fats and
lowered blood pressure and cholesterol levels. But our bodies cant produce these fats
on their own, so we must get them in our daily diet. One way of doing this is by adding
So Good Omega to your daily meal plan. The source for our Omega 6 and 3 fatty acids
is flaxseed oil, and we add in the optimal ratio of 2:1. So Good Omega comes
in our two most popular varieties, Original and Vanilla. Theyre great on your breakfast
cereal, in a smoothie or shake, or enjoyed just on their own. So try So Good Omega
and take a step forward to good heart health.
So Good. The most nutritious milk alternative.
I feel
A stroke is a sudden loss of brain
function. It is caused by the interruption
of blood ow to the brain by a blood
clot (ischemic stroke) or the rupture of
blood vessels in the brain (hemorrhagic
stroke). The interruption of blood ow
causes brain cells (neurons) in the
affected area to die. The effects of a
stroke depend on where the brain was
injured, as well as how much damage
occurred. A stroke can impact any
number of areas including your ability
to move, see, remember, speak, reason,
read and write. In a small number of
cases, stroke-like damage to the brain
can occur when the heart stops (cardiac
arrest). The longer the brain goes
without oxygen and nutrients supplied
by the blood ow, the greater the risk of
permanent brain damage.
Stroke warning signs
Stroke is a medical emergency. When
you recognize and respond immediately
to the warning signs of stroke by calling
9-1-1 or your local emergency number,
you can signicantly improve survival
and recovery. If a person arrives at a
hospital emergency immediately after
experiencing any or all of the stroke
Trouble speaking
Sudden difculty
speaking or
understanding or
sudden confusion,
even if temporary.
Vision problems
Sudden trouble
with vision, even if
temporary.
Headache
Sudden severe and
unusual headache.
Dizziness
Sudden loss of
balance, especially with
any of the above signs.
If you experience any of these
symptoms, CALL 9-1-1 or your local
emergency number immediately.
Weakness
Sudden loss of strength
or sudden numbness
in the face, arm or leg,
even if temporary.
warning signs, and if the patient is
diagnosed with a stroke caused by a
blood clot, then doctors can administer
a clot-busting drug called tPA but
only within three hours of the initial
symptoms. Thrombolytic drugs like tPA
can effectively improve the outcome of
a stroke by potentially minimizing the
physical and mental damage. Yet only
20 to 25 per cent of those who have
a stroke actually get emergency care
and treatment within three hours of the
onset of symptoms the critical time
frame during which clot-busting drugs
are most effective.
Stroke can be treated. Thats why it is so important to recognize and respond to the
warning signs immediately.
One more reason to your Country Harvest.
100% whole grain. A source of omega-3
polyunsaturates. The same great taste of
Country Harvest now with 25% less sodium.*
www.countryharvest.com
*Compared to Country Harvest Original Loaves.

/TM Weston Bakeries Limited, Toronto Canada M8Z 1T3 licensee of the trademark.

2007
The Heart and Stroke Foundation encourages Canadians to learn about what
constitute healthy blood pressure readings, cholesterol levels and lifestyle habits.
Heres a guide to help you learn the basics and get on track to a healthy heart.
Blood pressure
An optimal blood pressure reading is
below 120/80 mm Hg. Get your blood
pressure checked at least once every
two years or more often if recommended
by your healthcare provider. If youve
been diagnosed with high-normal
blood pressure (130/85 to 139/89), new
Canadian guidelines recommend that
you have your blood pressure checked
at least once a year.
Body Mass Index (BMI)
A healthy body mass index ranges
between 18.5 and 24.9 kg/m2.
Calculate your BMI by dividing your
weight by your height squared. For
example, if you weigh 69 kg and youre
1.73 m tall, the calculation would look
like this: 69 divided by 2.99 (1.73 X 1.73)
= a BMI of 23. If your BMI is higher
than 25, speak to your doctor about
achieving a healthy weight. Find a BMI
calculator at www.heartandstroke.ca
Waist circumference
For optimal heart health, women should
have a waist circumference less than 88
cm (35 inches), and men should have
a waist circumference less than 102
cm (40 inches). If your measurement is
greater than those numbers, you may
be at signicantly higher risk for heart
disease. Speak to your healthcare
provider to get your blood pressure and
cholesterol checked.
Cholesterol levels
The Heart and Stroke Foundation
recommends that men over 40 and
women over 50 have their cholesterol
checked. However, if you have any risk
factors for heart disease and stroke
(high blood pressure or smoking), you
may need to have your cholesterol
tested at an earlier age. Talk to your
doctor, who will establish a target level
for you based on your personal risk
factors, taking into account your age,
total cholesterol level, smoking status,
and systolic blood pressure, among
other factors.
Heart-healthy diet
Vegetables and fruit: Have vegetables
and fruit at every meal and snack.
Choose orange (sweet potatoes, squash,
carrots) and dark-green vegetables
(Romaine lettuce, broccoli, asparagus)
and colourful fruit to get the most
nutrients. The number of servings of
vegetables and fruit you need depends
on your age and gender. The range for
adults is seven to 10 a day.
Grain products: Aim for most of your
bread, cereal, pasta and rice servings to
be 100 per cent whole grain.
Milk and alternatives: Choose lower-fat
milk, soy beverages, yogurt and cheese
whenever possible.
Meat and alternatives: Limit consumption
of meat and try to get your protein from
alternative sources such as sh (at least
twice a week), beans and nuts whenever
possible.
Fibre: 25 to 35 grams a day for those 19
to 65 years of age.
Total fat: 20 to 35 per cent of daily
calories. This is about 45 to 75 grams for
women and 60 to 105 grams for men. A
tablespoon (15 mL) of oil has 14 grams
of fat. Keep your intake of trans and
saturated fat as low as possible while
consuming a nutritionally adequate
diet. Read labels for trans fat content.
Aim for less than two grams per serving.
Better yet, opt for products that have
zero trans fat. Saturated fat is found in
high-fat meat and dairy products.
Salt intake: The Heart and Stroke
Foundation recommends Canadians
consume no more that 2,300 mg (the
equivalent of about 1 tsp/ 5mL) of salt
a day total from processed foods and
salt added during food preparation
and at the table. Look for the sodium
values in the Nutrition Fact tables on
food packages and in recipe nutrient
analyses. If you have high blood
pressure, consult your physician for
specic dietary recommendations.
Alcohol: No more than one to two
drinks a day, for a maximum total of
nine for women and 14 for men a week.
A standard drink is 341 mL/12 oz (1
bottle) of regular strength beer, 142 mL
/ 5 oz wine, and 43 mL / 1 1/2 oz spirits.
These recommendations do not apply
to pregnant or breastfeeding women,
those with liver disease, mental illness
or taking medications, among others.
Physical activity
Men and women should get 30 to 60
minutes a day, most days of the week.
Tobacco
Do not smoke or use any tobacco
products. Avoid exposure to second-
hand smoke.
To receive exclusive, heart-
healthy recipes and healthy
living tips, subscribe to our free
Healthline e-newsletter at
www.heartandstroke.ca/subscribe
Is Body Mass Index (BMI) the only
reliable method of determining whether
youre overweight? Heart and Stroke
Foundation research indicates that for
most people, the humble measuring
tape alone may provide an easier way
to determine health risk.
According to Heart and Stroke
Foundation researchers, Drs. Peter
Katzmarzyk and Robert Ross, measuring
waist circumference is simpler than
calculating BMI. Whats more, they
point out that because fat around the
waist is so hazardous to heart health,
measuring waist circumference may
actually provide a more accurate
method of self-assessment.
Canadian adults intimidated by the
calculations involved in determining
BMI will likely greet this news with a
cheer. All you need to know is how
to read a measuring tape. Men are
at signicant increased risk for heart
disease if their waist circumference is at
102 cm (40 inches) or greater; women
are at signicant increased risk if their
measurement is 88 cm (35 inches) or more.
Are you an apple or a pear?
Most people t one of two body shapes
they are either apples or pears. Pear-
shaped people, usually women, carry
excess weight on their hips, thighs
and buttocks. Apple-shaped people,
usually males, have big bellies and
extra weight across the waistline, says
Dr. Katzmarzyk. For reasons that we
dont yet fully understand, fat across
the waistline as in the classic apple-
shape is processed differently by the
liver. This results in higher levels of bad
(LDL) cholesterol, which is a major risk
factor for heart disease and stroke.
The apple-shape is also associated with
high blood pressure (hypertension)
and diabetes, both of which are heart
disease risk factors.
In light of this knowledge, says
Dr. Katzmarzyk, waist circumference
becomes even more important, not just
to characterize those at risk but also as a
simple tool to measure the effectiveness
of weight loss strategies. An initial
target of a ve per cent to 10 per cent
loss in waist circumference or overall
weight is reasonable and associated
with health benets. However, although
fat cells around the waist are the most
dangerous, the good news is they also
appear to be the easiest to shed. A study
of pre-menopausal, overweight women,
conducted by Dr. Ross and published
in Obesity Research found a program
of physical activity could substantially
reduce abdominal fat. This underlies
the conicting media reports we have
been getting about what counts most
for heart health tness or weight loss,
says Dr. Ross. It also explains recent
ndings that overweight people who are
physically active can have better overall
health than slimmer people who weigh
less but are less physically active. You
can achieve signicant health benets
by reducing the waist measurement and
this begins even before you start losing
weight, says Dr. Ross. BMI doesnt tell
you that.
The mighty tape measure
Another study conducted by the two
researchers and published in the
American Journal of Clinical Nutrition,
which included almost 15,000 study
subjects, compared BMI and waist
circumference as tools for identifying and
measuring heart-health risk and found
waist circumference measurements
were either superior, or equal to BMI.
While Drs. Ross and Katzmarzyk say
BMI still has an important role to play
in risk assessment, they believe it may
be most accurate when used by health
professionals in combination with waist
circumference measurement.
Learn how to measure your waist
properly at heartandstroke.ca
and click on waist measurement
in the Hot Buttons box
on the homepage.
Health Canada recently launched Eating Well with Canadas Food Guide to help
Canadians consume a healthy diet. The new guide not only reorganizes the four
food groups with a new emphasis on vegetables and fruit, but it also now provides
the recommended number of servings per day according to age and gender,
among many other changes.
The Heart and Stroke Foundations
dietitians know that making healthy food
choices in the grocery store isnt always
easy, particularly when you consider
the number of nutrition messages and
labels on food packages these days.
There is one logo, however, that stands
out from the rest.
The Health Check symbol means
that Heart&Stroke dietitians have
evaluated each participating product
to make sure it meets specific nutrient
criteria based on Canadas Food Guide.
The dietitians work with a variety of
small and large food companies to
review their products based on total fat,
saturated fat, fibre, sodium, calcium and
vitamins and minerals, depending on
the category. As the only non-exclusive,
third-party food information program in
Canada, Health Check includes more
than 120 brands and more than 1,000
products found in virtually every food
aisle. Next time youre in the grocery
store, let Health Check be your tour
guide to Canadas Food Guide.
Restaurants are also looking for
ways to help their customers identify
healthy choices. Health Check recently
expanded its food service program to
include Swiss Chalet restaurants across
Canada and White Spot restaurants in
western Canada. Look for the Health
Check symbol located next to menu
items.
To help you make the most of the
Food Guide, the Heart and Stroke
Foundations Health Check program
has created a new section on its website
(www.healthcheck.org) called Canadas
Food Guide Tools. The section includes
weekly meal planning, food shopping
and meal preparation. Each section
includes a variety of simple and helpful
tools you can use online and download
for easy access.
Meal planning The Heart and Stroke
Foundation suggests that you plan your
meals for the week to save you time and
help you meet your familys nutritional
needs. Weve created a helpful mix-n-
match meal chart that you can post in
your kitchen for easy reference.
Food shopping By building a shopping
list, you can simplify your next trip to the
grocery store. Start adding ingredients
now and bring it with you next time
you shop. When youre shopping, look
at the Nutrition Fact table on every
product and remember that the nutrient
information listed is for the specified
serving size.
Meal preparation With a meal plan and
a shopping list, making healthy meals is
now easier than ever. Need a few extra
ideas for lunch or dinner? Health Check
has a growing assortment of healthy
recipes to prepare tasty and nutritious
meals.

Trademarks owned by Johnson & Johnson and used under license.
2007 LifeScan Canada Ltd. AW 088-621A 01/07
New!
Introducing the OneTouch

Ultra

2 Meter. If you love food (and who doesnt?), diabetes

doesnt have to get in your way. The new OneTouch

Ultra

2 Meter lets you ag your results

as before or after a meal. It can help you see which food and portion choices work to keep
your glucose in range. You also get a special educational DVD and booklet called
SimpleSteps

Diabetes and Food. Everything works together to help you see

how simple changes can make a big difference to your diabetes.
Switch to OneTouch

Ultra

2 today to help you discover which food choices work for you.
Talk to your pharmacist, call toll-free 1 800 663-5521, or visit www.OneTouch.ca.
Surrogate mothers find
a new market niche:
singIe gay men
Gay man seeks
perfect woman
which involves carrying an embryo that is
not genetically linked to the surrogate.
Finding a woman who would both conceive
and bear him a child was easy, says Comber.
I just googled surrogates and mothers, and
up popped these surrogate sites," he recalls.
After reading through pronles of potential
surrogate mothers on surrogatcmomsonlinc.
com, he found Dickson, a former egg donor
and gestational surrogate. Ve emailed and
talked on the phone once or twice. It's very
much like online dating." According to Dick-
son, she and Comber just really hit it off."
The two drafted a basic contract, but neither
can remember if they ever signed it.
In return for her part of the arrangement,
Dickson was paid around szo,ooo to cover
her expenses. She says s1,,ooo to szo,ooo is
typical, depending on a number of factors.
You get a maternity clothing allowance, you
get your gas reimbursed, and there's a C-sec-
tion fee if you end up with a C-section," Dick-
son adds. Iegal? Barely.
In zoo(, the federal government enacted
the Assisted Human Reproduction Act AHRA),
which prohibits anyone from paying, offer-
ing to pay, or advertising to pay a woman to
become a surrogate mother. It also prohibits
anyone from accepting payment for arran-
ging, offering to arrange or advertising to
arrange these services. The act does, however,
allow for the reimbursement of expenses.
Specinc regulations outlining which expenses
BY JESSICA WERB Mac and Ella Comber
were delivered by C-section on Sept. z,, zoo6,
weighing , lb. 1o oz. and , lb. 11 oz. respect-
ively. Both were strong and healthy, though
Mac spent a short time in an incubator to
help clear some uid from his lungs. Ella,
with her olive skin and dark hair, had her
mother's complexion, while Mac, with his
fairer skin, looked more like his father.
A week after their birth, Mac and Ella's
mother nursed them for the last time in the
hospital, bid their father and the twins fare-
well, and returned home to her husband and
two daughters aged and ,. The twins then
ew with their father to his home in Vancou-
ver, which had been painstakingly prepared
for their arrival.
Confused? There's an explanation, though
it's not a particularly simple one. Scott Comber,
Mac and Ella's father, is a (,-year-old gay
single man, their mother is a z-year-old
heterosexual married woman. She requested
anonymity. Ve'll call her Jennifer Dickson.)
Dickson agreed to be Comber's traditional
surrogatea controversial arrangement in
which a birth mother both conceives and car-
ries a child for someone else, in contrast to
the more common gestational surrogacy,
can be reimbursed, and up to what value,
have yet to be determined, these are currently
being developed and are expected in late
zoo or early zoo8. As it stands, intended
parents are essentially free to pay surrogates
as much as they like, as long as these pay-
ments are couched in a myriad of expenses.
Surrogacy has long been employed by
heterosexual couples struggling with infertil-
ity. But buoyed by the Civil Marriage Act of
zoo, and determined to build families, gay
couples and singleslike Comberare increas-
ingly turning to surrogates as well. And, unlike
the cold recepton they receive in the world
of adoption, they're being greeted by surro-
gates with open arms.
Comber, a business leadership consultant
and instructor at Royal Roads University in
Victoria, says he planned on adopting, but
was told by the head of an agency that as a
single gay male, his chances of success were
virtually nil. jThe agency director] told me
it is a possibility and it exists in writing in
certain places in certain countries, but he has
never seen it in his entire 1z or 1, years."
Vhen it comes to inter-country adoptions,
explains Sandra Scarth, president of the board
of the Canadian Adoption Council, only the
U.S. will place children with single-sex couples,
and even then it is birth mothers who choose
the parentsthe majority of whom prefer a
two-parent home with a heterosexual couple.
Internationally it's very, very difncult," says
Scarth of gay-parent adoptions. Inter-coun-
try is virtually impossible." And while Scarth
knows of a few successful adoptions by gay
couples domestically and from the U.S., it's
harder for a single gay male than a couple."
The world of surrogacy is very different.
AccOkbING 1O Sherry Ievitan, a North York-
based lawyer who deals with egg donation,
embryo donation and surrogacy contracts,
surrogates prefer, number one, gay couples."
Vith heterosexual couples, she points out,
surrogacy is a course of last resort following
years of infertility. It's not unusual for a
woman who has gone through IVF after IVF,
unsuccessfully, to have some negative feel-
ings, whether they be anger or resentment.
Sometimes they are directed toward the sur-
rogate, as irrational as it may sound. It is very
common for a woman to be angry this other
THE COMBER TWlNS: Their dad is a 45-year-oId gay man, their mother a married woman
COMBER SAYS HE'D
OR!G!NALLY PLANNED
TO ADOPT, BUT WAS
TOLD THAT AS A S!NGLE
GAY MALE, H!S CHANCES
WERE V!RTUALLY N!L
SOCIETY
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adian couple can pay an agency fee in the States
and a Canadian surrogate can be paid top fee
by an American couple," she explains. That's
how people are getting around it. The law only
governs what's happening in Canada. If Can-
adian couples can't nnd Canadian surrogates,
they're paying fees to American surrogates."
Down in I.A., one gestational-surrogacy
agency dedicated solely to gay and lesbian
intended parents, Growing Generations, says
it has handled around 1, cases from Canada.
The agency's professional fees are USszo,ooo,
with overall costs for the entire process going
as high as USs1,o,ooo. About zo per cent of
Growing Generations' clients, adds Gail Tay-
lor, its president, are single parents.
In March, the Fertility Institutes, a clinic
with ofnces in I.A. and Ias Vegas and plans
for a third in New York City, made headlines
when it launched what it claimed was the nrst
dedicated surrogacy program for gay men.
For an average fee of USs6o,ooo, the fertility
clinics provide connections to egg donors, sur-
rogates and lawyers. For an extra USs18,ooo
or so, the clinic also offers gender selection
illegal in Canada)which it says about ,
per cent of gay intended parents opt for. The
clinic's website assures visitors that its egg
donors are all college students between the
ages of 18 and z and that its surrogates, who
receive about USs,o,ooo for their services,
are medically screened and have delivered at
least one infant. Vhen he announced the
program, Dr. Jeffrey Steinberg, the clinic's
director, said he had already worked with o
gay male couples, of which 6o per cent came
from other countries, including Canada.
In Canada, such an agency would be illegal.
One organization, Canadian Surrogacy
Options CSO), charges s,,,oo for a variety
of services, such as consultations with intended
parents, psychological screening of surrogates,
location of legal counsel, hotel bookings and
woman can carry a baby and she can't."
Gay couples, on the other hand, consider
this to be just a completely optimistic, happy,
wonderful situation," says Ievitan. There's
1oo-per-cent positive emotion which must
be very attractive to a surrogate." Sally Rhoads,
a Stratford, Ont.-based former gestational
surrogate who manages Surrogacy in Canada
Online, agrees: I know some jsurrogates]
who carry for same-sex couples say, 'I feel like
I have more of a role and I won't be kicked
to the side after I give birth.' " Rhoads says
that approximately one in three" surrogacy
arrangements she hears about now involve
gay intended parents.
Vhile Ievitan is hesitant to give nrm sta-
tistics, she says she's increasingly working with
gay couplesthe nrst of whom contacted her
eight years ago. In zoo6, she handled her nrst
three single gay male-intended parent surro-
gacies, all of whom had no trouble" nnding
surrogate mothers. Ievitan, who charges
between s(,ooo and s,,ooo for her services,
says she won't touch traditional surrogacy as
she can't guarantee a good result for her cli-
ents. She only handles gestational surrogacies.
But she admits that for a single gay man,
jtraditional surrogacy] makes it a lot simpler.
It simplines the process and cuts the costs."
Ievitan is fearful that pending changes to
AHRA regulations could make it more difncult
for surrogacy arrangements to take place if
expenses are capped and limited. As it is, Rhoads
says there is plenty of cross-border shopping"
going on. There are couples using American
surrogates and American couples using Can-
adian surrogates," she says, adding that while
it's illegal in Canada to be paid to arrange sur-
rogacies, it is legal in many states. So a Can-
even attending deliverieseverything short
of matching parents with a surrogate, which
would overstep the legal boundaries. No one
from CSO agreed to speak on record.)
cOVsk': bO-I1-\Ouk:LI approach to nnd-
ing a surrogate paid off quickly. He and Dick-
son began exchanging emails in June zoo,
and two months later he was on a plane to
Ontario. I can't tell you how weird it is," he
says, of meeting Dickson for the nrst time.
You walk into a hotel in a strange city and
there's a woman standing in the lobby and
you go up and shake her hand, and you know
this is going to be the mother of your child.
You've never seen her before in your life and
then within an hour of meeting this strange
woman in a lobby I'm going to inseminate
her. It's weird."
Rather than go the home-insemination
turkey baster" route, Comber and Dickson
decided to work with a fertility clinic, to maxi-
mize their odds. It was difncult to nnd a
clinic that would work with us," recalls Comber.
Although surrogacy is legal, few clinics will
touch it." He and Dickson eventually found
SOFT Southern Ontario Fertility Technolo-
gies) in Iondon, Ont.one of the few clinics
in Canada that will assist with traditional
surrogacies. Once a month for six months,
Comber and Dickson went through the pro-
cess of artincial insemination. After three
months, Dickson went on the fertility drug
Clomid to boost her chances of becoming
pregnant. In January zoo6, it happened.
Despite carrying infants that were genetic-
ally hers, Dickson, who says she was drawn
to surrogacy because she missed being preg-
nant," insists she had no urge to keep them.
I was happy that they were healthy and every-
thing, but I didn't connect with them as if
they were my own children. It's hard to explain
that you can have that disconnection."
Seven months after giving birth to Mac
and Ella, Dickson is still in regular contact
with Comber, who sends her photos and
updates. The twins will refer to her as an aunt,
Comber says, and will understand the unique
circumstances that brought them into the
world. He has one photo of Dickson leaning
over the newborn twins and plans to hang it
in his children's nursery. I'm going to tell
them our story and how grateful we are for
what she did for us," he says.
THE VATlCAN: CLEANlNG OUT DRUG DEALERS
The HoIy See's courts have |ust handed down their first-ever druQ
conviction. After a worker had been convicted Iast year by !taI-
ian courts of druQ deaIinQ, officiaIs at the Vatican searched his
office and found 87 Q of cocaine. Since the territory stiII uses the
!taIian penaI code of 1865, which has no provisions for narcotics,
a tribunaI opted to convict the former empIoyee under a heIpfuI
1929 Iaw aIIowinQ punishment for crimes not on the books.
SOME SURROGATES WHO
CARRY FOR SAME-SEX
COUPLES SAY, '! FEEL L!KE
! HAVE MORE OF A ROLE
AND ! WON'T BE K!CKED
TO THE S!DE AFTER ! G!VE
B!RTH,' SAYS RHOADS
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ing, if scientincally valid: stool production
declined as pot smoking increased. Curiously,
the subjects were not as happy as might be
supposed. One week into the experiment they
went on strike demanding sz.z, per stool.
Fascinating as it is, this kind of research is
not likely to be repeated. University research
ethics boards now rigorously screen proposals
involving human participants. Protection of
the subject is much more important now," says
Bruce Clayman, chair of the federal govern-
ment's advisory panel on research ethics. None
of the experiments mentioned above would
get past an ethics board today, he says.
Most economic experiments now involve
simple games in which par-
ticipants gamble or trade
amongst themselves. The
stakes are often smalls,,
or so for two hours work
and the subjects are almost
always undergrads, not
exactly a representative sam-
ple of society although a
McGill economist has taken
these experiments to poor
Peruvian farmers, for whom
the s,, is almost a week's
wages). Psychologists rely
mostly on innocuous pencil
and paper surveys to reveal
participants' true nature.
Zimbardo sees this as a
serious limitation on aca-
demic pursuit. Vhat we found in 1;1 was
that you don't have a clue how people will
react unless they are actually embedded in
the situation," he says. He admits his study
was highly unethical, but argues it produced
important results that cannot be overlooked.
Not doing any interesting experimental
research means there will be lots of big ques-
tions we will never have answers for," Zim-
bardo complains.
Clayman disagrees. I'd like to believe there
are other ways to get information without hav-
ing to abuse people." Regardless, it seems clear
we'll never see such experiments again. If that's
for the better or worse may depend on whether
you're a researcher or a subject.
BY PETER SHAWN TAYLOR In 1;1 Stan-
ford University psychologist Philip Zimbardo
did something no other psychologist had
done before. He built himself a prison in the
basement of his ofnce. Zimbardo was behind
what's now known as the Stanford Prison
Experimentz( normal young men from the
San Francisco area were randomly divided
into prisoners and guards and left alone in
the basement. Vithin a day there was a pris-
oner rebellion, followed by
a sadistic crackdown by
guards that included soli-
tary connnement, force-
feeding and simulated sex-
ual abuse. Vhen Zimbardo
shut down the experiment
on the sixth day, four pris-
oners had suffered emo-
tional breakdowns, and a
nfth had a full body rash.
Zimbardo famously con-
cluded that the capacity for
evil is not an inherent trait
found only in bad" people,
but a possibility for anyone,
depending entirely on the
situation. His experiment
and its results have been
standard fare in nrst-year psychology text-
books for decades. Now Zimbardo is promot-
ing his new book Thc lucijcr ljjcct Indcr
standing How Cood Pcoplc Turn lvil, which
revisits his nndings in the context of atroci-
ties at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.
Zimbardo may have been the nrst and
only) academic to run his own prison, but he
was not alone in his methods. Throughout
the '6os and 'os, psychologists, economists
and other social scientists conducted unique,
frequently bizarre, human behaviour experi-
ments on unsuspecting subjects. Their results
were often as shocking as their techniques.
Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram, for
example, a childhood friend of Zimbardo's,
did an experiment in which he commanded
subjects to deliver electric shocks to a student
in another room. The student was never
harmedhe was actually an actor pretending
to be shockedbut Milgram found that two-
thirds of the subjects were willing to deliver
what they thought were painful electric shocks
simply because they were ordered to do so by
a researcher in a lab coat. Milgram considered
this to be an important insight into the Holo-
caust, and how ordinary Germans obeyed
the requirements of Hitler's Final Solution.
Another, less sinister experiment by psych-
ologist Robert Rosenthal found that a teacher
who was told certain students were late-bloom-
ers" wound up awarding them outstandaing
marks by the end of the school year.
Economists proved just as inventive. One
experiment tested economic theory on female
patients at a New York mental hospital.
Researchers changed prices at the snack bar
to see if they'd react rationally. Vhen the price
of cigarettes fell and coffee rose, the patients
reallocated spending toward smokes, validat-
ing economic theory, at least among the insane.
In 1;z, Toronto's Alcoholism and Drug
Addiction Research Foundation locked six
volunteers in an abandoned wing of a hospi-
tal and trained them to make stools for sz
each. The wages were required to buy food
from the researchers, but instead of varying
the prices the subjects faced, the scientists
adjusted the amount of marijuana they were
required to smoke. The result was unsurpris-
Human experiments,
that stapIe of academic
research, are vanishing
PEOPLE NOT WELCOME
SNOTTY ROBOTS ARE BECOMlNG MORE DlSCERNlNG
!t's another step toward dupIicatinQ human quaIities in robots,
aIbeit a drippy one. To heIp robots smeII thinQs the way humans
do, researchers have created synthetic mucus. This poIymer-based
snot heIps conduct odours to eIectronic sensors Iocated in cyber-
noses. Because mucus heIps conduct scent, the artificiaI conduc-
tor has improved robot sniffinQ to the point that one test found a
robot nose couId distinQuish between miIk and a banana.
THE STANFORD Experiment: a simuIated prison environment turns ugIy quick
H!S STUDY WAS H!GHLY
UNETH!CAL, Z!MBARDO
ADM!TS, BUT !T CREATED
!MPORTANT RESULTS
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HELEN MIRREN
DID THE SCREEN QUEEN
DISS THE REAL DEAL?
Vhen she cleaned up awards for
her regal nlm role in Thc uccn,
actress Heen Mirren heaped
praise on Queen Eizabeth II.
But this week she reportedly
turned down an invite from her
sovereign to dine at Buckingham
Palace. Britain's laily Mail quoted
Mirren saying she was unable
to change my schedule. I am very
sad not to have been able to
attend." Vhether Mirren has
blown her only chance for a rarer-
than-rubies private dinner with
the Queen isn't certain. One fact
is clear: the actress, who's taken
the all-too-frequent path of cash-
ing in on an Oscar win with a
nnancially lucrative acting job
she's nlming the Nicoas Cage
schlock sequel, National Trcas
urc 8ook oj Sccrctshas chosen
money over a chance most people
would jump at.
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MICHAEL
MUHAMMAD KNIGHT
THE MUSLIM PUNK SCENE
He grew up an American Irish
Catholic but, after reading Mal-
com X's autobiography, Michae
Muhammad Knight converted
to Islam. Soon he was studying
religion in Pakistan. After nearly
joining Chechen fighters, he
returned to the U.S. and became
a cult ngure among young Mus-
lims for his novel Thc Taqwacorcs,
about the little-known Muslim
punk scene. Knight, who calls
himself that guy at a party who
just stands in the corner and talks
s--t," nrst self-published the book,
selling it from his car in mosque
parking lots. The story involves
a Buffalo, N.Y., house full of
punks, including a Sun who plays
the call to prayer on his electric
guitar. Up next for Knight is
another equally groundbreaking
book. Its tentative title: Osama
\an Halcn. S
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ALEX SALMOND
SCOTTISH NATIONALIST
NEEDS TO MAKE NICE
The leader of the Scottish Nation-
alist Party, which won the most
seats in last week's regional par-
liamentary election, wanted to
spend Saturday celebrating his
z6th wedding anniversary with
his wife who is 1 years his sen-
ior). Instead, Aex Samond was
on the phone trying to form a
majority by wooing other parties.
Back in 1;;o, when the soccer-
loving Salmond left a bank econo-
mist job to be SDP leader, the
party had just two elected mem-
bers. On May ,, it capitalized on
voters' feelings of neglect and
nationalism to top Iabour at the
ballot boxes, but just barely. Sal-
mond is notoriously sarcastic and
smug one writer said he makes
you want to slap him in the face
with a nsh." To get his hoped-for
independence referendum, he's
going to have to play nicely.
ERRAN
BARON COHEN
THE BORAT SYMPHONY
Yes, there is a Turan Alem Kaz-
akhstan Philharmonic Orchestra.
The ensemble from the central
Asian country mocked by com-
edian Sacha Baron Cohen in last
year's hit comedy, 8orat, has
arrived in Iondon with a new
composition. It's by Erran Baron
Cohen, Sacha's trumpeter
brother. Zcrc is a zo-minute mood
work that incorporates traditional
Kazakh folk instruments, such
as the domra and kobyz. Erran
says the Kazakhs approached him
to write Zcrc after hearing the
soundtrack music he wrote for
his brother's movie. After I'd
got over the initial shock of being
rung up by someone from Kaz-
akhstan," Erran says, I thought
it was a great accolade if they
liked the music in the film so
much that they asked me to write
for a symphony orchestra."
WHITE STRIPES
PLAYING THOSE
LITTLE TOWN BLUES
Excitement over alt-blues duo
White Stripes' irreverent plan
to play small concerts in every
Canadian province and territory
dissolved into disappointment
for fans who didn't score a ticket
last weeksome shows sold out
in 1z minutes. The tour was to
offer residents of little-visited
locations a chance to see the
wildly popular Stripes, but some
tickets were snapped up from as
far away as Seattle. At the 61-
capacity Savoy Theatre in Glace
Bay, N.S., only about ,oo tickets
went to the public, after theatre
members, fan-clubbers and about
zoo other guests were taken care
of. But the Savoy is pleased as
punch. Asked how they will wel-
come the Stripes, marketing
rep Katherine MacDonad says,
Ve're going to paint the green
room, that's for sure."
NARCISO
RODRIGUEZ
DEVILS TO THE RESCUE
Fashion designer Narciso Rod-
riguez's dresses have been cele-
brated for making the image of
many high-pronle women, includ-
ing giving the late John F. Ken-
nedy Jr.'s bride, Caroyn Bes-
sette, an iconic silk slip. But just
being famous in the fashion world
wasn't enough to stave off desti-
tution, and Rodriguez, son of
Cuban immigrants, recently faced
bankruptcy. Incredibly, in the
cutthroat devil-wears-Prada fash-
ion world, other designers and
mavens came to his rescue, and
recently clothing giant Iiz Clai-
borne bought his design house
for a modest but much-needed
USs1z million. Instrumental in
kick-starting the deal was the
Prada-wearer herself, \oguc's
notoriously imperious editor
Anna Wintour. Sometimes dev-
ils can turn out to be angels. R
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The Bad Dad
syndrome
P.69
books
The perils of
seeing again
P.70
stage
Still dancing
dirty
P.72
bazaar
The quest for
straight hair
P.73
art
Vulvas
original cast
P.74
help
The wedding
mineeld
P.77
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Is Shrck the biggest movie fran-

chise ever? It might be, if you
take DVD sales and merchan-
dising into account. But even
if it isn't the biggest, it's the
only franchise that saved a studio. Before the
computer-animated movies about a lovable
green ogre voiced by Mike Myers, the studio
Dreamworks was known mostly for expensive
flops and prestige pictures like 4mcrican
8cauty. Now, as the world prepares for the
opening this month of Shrck thc Third, Dream-
works' share price has jumped 1o per cent in
anticipation of the latest instalment. Jeffrey
Katzenberg, the Dreamworks executive who
was the driving force behind the Shrek mov-
a veteran animator who worked on story
development for the nrst Shrck, explains:
Once you get the teens, the kids will come
because it's a cartoon and the adults come
to see what all the fuss is about."
But teenagers aren't usually drawn to ani-
mation no pun intended). To teens, no
matter how good it is, it is just not hip to be
seen going to a cartoon," Sito says. Part
of the trouble Katzenberg ran into at
Disney was that some of the nlms had
trouble reaching beyond children in part
because of his own reluctance to approve
more adult-oriented material), which made
them something less than blockbusters.
Vhy did Shrck catch on with teen audi-
ences when other computer-animated mov-
ies are shunned by them? In the wake of its
success, animated movies tried to imitate
Shrck by signing up celebrity voice casts,
attempting to lure teens with their favourite
stars. But while Shrck emphasizes the voices,
it doesn't have particularly huge stars on the
audio track: Mike Myers and Cameron Diaz
are famous, but not on the level of Vill Smith
in Dreamworks' less successful Shark Talc.
Michael Barrier, author of the new biog-
raphy Thc 4nimatcd Man 4 lijc oj valt lis
ncy, thinks that Shrck succeeds by buttering
up its teen viewers. These moviegoers like
to be flattered, to be told, in effect, that
they're smart and hip, and one way to do
that is to load the nlm with pop-culture ref-
erences." The pop-culture reference is the
essence of teen-oriented comedy today. Most
cartoons don't understand that, Shrck did,
and its reward was a loyal teen following.
Katzenberg had already tried something
vaguely similar at Disney, when he green-lit
4laddin. In the middle of development, he
brought in two writers without animation
experience, Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio. The
nnished movie combined fairy-tale splendour
with pop-culture jokes and a big celebrity voice:
Robin Villiams as the genie. The genie was
the nrst feature-cartoon character I can think
of whose 'personality' was made up mostly
of imitations of celebrities," Barrier says.
Shrck was redeveloped in a similar
way. In earlier drafts," Sito says, there
were more schmaltzy plots involving
Shrek's parents, neighbours and Shrek's
disillusionment. That stuff all fell away
eventually." In a repeat of 4laddin, Elliott
and Rossio rewrote Shrck to cut out the ser-
ious and sentimental elements.
They also upped the ante by adding not
only humour, but cynicism and even raunchi-
ness. Much of the comedy in Shrck came
from sexual or satirical jokes about familiar
kids' tales: Pinocchio's nose is an excuse for
an erection joke. Vhether this is a good thing
or not is a matter of opinion. It makes the
Shrck movies less of a familial experience
than most family" movies, because teen-
agers and adults are enjoying the nlm on a
completely different level than children. But
it's important to the series' popularity with
teens. The raunchy jokes are a reassurance
that these cartoons aren't for little kids.
Shrck's visuals also appeal to teens, though
in an odd way. Though these movies are well
animated the level of technique and skill
of the artists equalled the best Pixar and Dis-
BIG GREEN
MONEY
MACHINE
ies, has taken to portraying himself as a genius
and giving cryptic interviews about the rea-
sons for his geniushood he says he makes
movies for the adult in the child"). And all
because Shrck, unlike most family nlms, man-
aged to pull in the most precious demographic
in the movie world today: teenagers. Vithout
the teens, Shrek would be just another ogre.
Animated movies usually attract two types
of people: parents and children. The children
will watch anything with cartoon characters,
their parents want a movie that will entertain
them as well. Those two demographics are
enough for a movie to turn a pront. But to
make a true smash hit, you need to reach
people who are between the stages of child-
hood and parenthood. Teenagers are to mod-
ern cinema what geriatrics are to 6 Minutcs:
the core audience that keeps it going. Katzen-
berg's insight was that if you start with that
age group, all the others will follow. Tom Sito,
Shrek the Third will get the kids and parents, but the raunchy jokes
are the real reason the lovable ogres so hot BY JAIME J. WEINMAN
lm

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ney have to offer," Sito maintains), they have
a hard, almost at look, without the visual
splendour of a Pixar production. Some crit-
ics have found Shrck downright hard to look
at. Barrier lamented the fact that all the char-
acters, even the ones who aren't ogres, have
unsightly moles on their faces. And Keith
Iango, an animator on nlms such as Thc 4nt
8ully, let Shrck thc Third have it on his blog
kcithlango.com, decrying the lack of con-
trast, few quiet areas in the image, jangly
poses, clichd layout, the haphazard acci-
dental relationship of the background with
the foreground. It's almost like nobody ever
saw this all together until it was too late."
But the cobbled-together look of the Shrck
nlms doesn't turn off its teen audience, after
all, the most popular TV cartoon with this
demographic, lamily Cuy, is even uglier-look-
ing. Expensive though it is, Shrck looks rough
and almost amateurish, like the low-budget
cartoons its target audiences watch on Car-
toon Network 4qua Tccn Hungcr lorcc, kobot
Chickcn). Though the Shrck movies are lav-
ish computer animation, they remind teen-
agers of something they could create on their
own computers. The beautiful designs and
uid animation of traditional nlms don't
necessarily appeal to young adults today,
they nnd that kind of thing too sterile.
Vhat young adults might like best of all is
the lampooning of serious animated nlms.
The Shrck movies are basically grotesque
comic parodies of fairy tales, and therefore
of traditional animated movies in general.
Vhereas Pixar stayed away from Disney ter-
ritory, Katzenberg green-lit Shrck as an often-
bitter parody of the Mouse, right down to the
resemblance of the villain voiced by John
Iithgow) to the ex-Disney chief Michael Eis-
ner. The parody element appealed to teen-
agers, they'd grown up watching movies like
8cauty and thc 8cast and Thc littlc Mcrmaid,
and they enjoyed seeing those cartoons bashed
by, of all things, another cartoon. Disney
couldn't have done Shrck," Sito says. It can't
lampoon itself." And that meant Shrck nlled
a nichethe anti-Disney moviethat no one
else had thought to nll.
And unlike a Disney movie, Shrck isn't
obsessed with telling teens how to live their
lives. In the usual animated nlm, the moral
is written in big letters on the main story-
boards," Sito explains. 8cauty and thc 8cast
Beauty is only Skin Deep, lion KingYou
must be True to Yourself and Face your Respon-
sibilities." Shrck is more cynical and suspi-
cious of messages than, say, a Pixar movie
like Thc lncrcdiblcs which spends two hours
telling us that nonconformity is good). Of
course Shrck has some messages too, mostly
the old standby about beauty and the skin
depth thereof. But even that, Barrier says, is
calculated to appeal to teens and tweens.
However tough their poses, most kids are
too soft and vulnerable to accept a totally
cold and cynical view of the world," he explains.
And so, after enjoying the bracing chill of a
smartass movie for an hour and a half, they
retreat into the soothing warmth of a phony
resolution in which everyone hugs."
Ironically, Katzenberg may have turned
to this formula only because of the failure
of his own efforts to make totally non-cyn-
ical pictures. The nrst animated movies at
Dreamworks were very much like the mid-
';os Disney features that Katzenberg had
instigated politically correct, super-solemn
epics in the vein of Katzenberg's pet project
Pocahontas. His inaugural Dreamworks car-
toon was Princc oj lgypt, a musical based on
the Bible. And just in case the Bible wasn't
quite important enough, Katzenberg inated
the signincance of his animation department:
Sito recalls that it was Dreamworks' slogan
that they were not making cartoons but
'Moving Art.' "
But Princc oj lgypt opped, and, humili-
ated by the failure, Katzenberg blamed not
his own judgment but the format of z-D ani-
mated musicalsthe Disney format. One
movie in that style, Sinbad lcgcnd oj thc
Scvcn Scas, was still in the pipeline when he
made this decision, and after it came out,
Katzenberg disowned it: The blamerespon-
sibilityfor that belongs to me. I picked an
old-fashioned idea and used an old-fashioned
technique." The blame couldn't be with his
artistic judgment, the choice of a Disney-style
technique had to be the problem.
And now, after a couple of successes, Katzen-
berg seems to believe that he's moved beyond
tktk
COMP!LED BY BR!AN BETHUNE
Fiction
1 DlVlSADERO 1 (4)
by Michal Onoaat|
2 THE CHlLDREN OF HRlN 2 (3)
by J.R.R. Tolkin
3 ON CHESlL BEACH 3 (5)
by lan McEwan
4 THE GOOD HUSBAND
OF ZEBRA DRlVE 4 (3)
by /lxanor McCall Smith
5 THE YlDDlSH 6 (2)
POLlCEMEN'S UNlON
by Michal Chabon
S HELPLESS by Parbara Gowoy 1D (1D)
7 SHOPAHOLlC & BABY 5 (1D)
by Sophi Kinslla
8 THE MlNlSTRY OF SPEClAL CASES (1)
by Nathan Englanor
9 EFFlGY by /lissa York (1)
10 YSABEL by Guy Gavril Kay 8 (18)
Non-ction
1 GOD lS NOT GREAT (1)
by Christophr Hitchns
2 THE SECRET 2 (13)
by Rhonoa Pyrn
3 28: STORlES OF AlDS lN AFRlCA 6 (2)
by Stphani Noln
4 THE VOLUNTEER 7 (3)
by Michal Ross
5 THE BRAlN THAT CHANGES lTSELF 1 (6)
by Norman Doiog
S LONG WAY GONE 3 (9)
by lshmal Pah
7 THE 100-MlLE DlET 1D (2)
by /lisa Smith & J. P. MacKinnon
8 THE PERFECT SUMMER (1)
by Julit Nicolson
9 TROUBLESOME YOUNG MEN (1)
by Lynn Olson
10 ElNSTElN 4 (2)
by Valtr lsaacson
LAST WEEK (WEEKS ON L!ST)
MACLEAN'S
BESTSELLERS
Disney, and treats his old nesting grounds
with faint condescension. He recently gave
John Iasseter and Pixar the ultimate in back-
handed compliments, saying that Iasseter
has all of those qualities that Valt Disney
had as a storyteller. He has very much a child-
like perspective in terms of how he looks at
the world and how he sees things." In other
words, Pixar movies are kids' stuff, Katzen-
berg sees Shrck's scatological jokes and celeb-
rity riffs as somehow more mature.
But in trying to get away from Disney's
childlike perspective," Katzenberg has just
managed to create a movie franchise from
the perspective of slightly older children.
Parents will take their grade-school kids to
Shrck thc Third, and they'll enjoy it. But they
don't decide what the hits are. Teenagers do,
and teenagers want the usual things: cultural
references, Disney-bashing, and a Scottish-
accented ogre.
THE INCREDIBLES SPENDS
TWOHOURS TELLINGUS
NONCONFORMITY
IS GOOD. SHREK IS MORE
SUSPICIOUS
OF MORAL MESSAGES.
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Who knew?
In 70% of cases genital herpes is transmitted when
there are no visible signs or symptoms.
*
Im very careful, and I always thought I was doing everything possible to protect my girlfriend from genital
herpes. But when I learned that I could be contagious even when I dont have symptoms, I was shocked.
I asked my doctor, and he explained that genital herpes is transmitted through something called viral shedding.
Too small to be seen, viral shedding can happen anytime, anywhere in the boxer short area of my body.
Thanks to my doctor I now know that I can do more to reduce my risk of passing it on.
* Based on a clinical study to determine the risk of spreading genital herpes (GH) in 144 heterosexual couples in which one partner had GH, and the other did not. Couples were followed for a median
334 days and were counselled to abstain from skin to skin contact in the presence of lesions. Couples were educated on the potential protection offered by condoms during periods when there were
no visible signs or symptoms.
THERE ARE MORE WAYS TO REDUCE THE RISK OF TRANSMITTING
GENITAL HERPES THAN YOU MAY REALIZE.
ASK YOUR DOCTOR.
www.ghWhoKnew.ca
BY ROSALIND MILES So which was the
worst? As Alec Baldwin and David Hasselhoff
vie for the title of Anti-Dad of the year, both
Baldwin's poisonous rant at his 11-year-old
and Hasselhoff 's distressing display of drunk-
enness must have hurt their daughters beyond
words. Tapes of both incidents played non-
stop around the world. But what made their
behaviour so newsworthy? Vhy do we care?
Both stories fulnl the age-old social function
of policing human behaviour. In a world
where good and bad are no longer learned
from the Bible or absorbed from the classics,
the mass media have taken on the role of the
village stocks. The relentless pillorying of the
Bad Dad also conjures up reassuring memories
of better days when fathers knew their role.
In the main, Daddy Dear only had to main-
tain a kind and reliable presence till he could
walk his little girl down the aisle, like Spencer
Tracy in lathcr oj thc 8ridc. Come what may,
Daddy never failed. From the Judeo-Chris-
tian notion of God as a loving father to the
Valtons, Good Fathers abound.
Except it's never been like that. Offstage,
Tracy was a drunk like Hasselhoff and selnsh
like Baldwin. All these nctions stem from the
same deep well of longing for a strong, trust-
worthy father ngure in real life. Far more
common in myth, history and literature are
fathers who perpetrate every shade of abuse,
from weak abnegation of responsibility to
sexual possession of their daughters, cruelty
and death. The great Father God of the ancient
Greeks, Zeus, treats his daughters with the
same total self-centredness as Baldwin and
Hasselhoff, and worse. In the Old Testament,
Iot offers to throw his daughters to the sex-
crazed mob of Sodom. In real life, the sixth-
century king of the Visigoths married his
daughter Galswintha to the Merovingian
king Chilperic, though Chilperic had treated
a previous wife with open cruelty and soon
strangled Galswintha. Against this, Baldwin
and Hasselhoff are way down the scale.
And the fault is not always with the dads.
From Pandora opening her box" to Princess
Stephanie of Monaco working through an
A-list of unsuitable men, recalcitrant daugh-
ters have delighted in disobeying their dads.
The ancient world dealt with this via patri-
archy, giving Roman fathers a legal power of
life and death over their daughters. Yet some
girls still thumbed their noses at their father's
authority. History is full of females eeing
their fathers, disguising themselves as men
to join the army or run away to sea.
Nowadays, fathers like Baldwin and Has-
selhoff are supposed to be open-minded,
encouraging their daughters to do their own
thing. Stripped of their powers, modern patri-
archs like Ronald Reagan and Dick Cheney
can nnd themselves grievously embarrassed
by their daughters' wild-child antics or sex-
ual preferences, and how many Secret Service
detachments does it take to keep the terrible
Bush twins under wraps? Against this, Bald-
win and Hasselhoff illustrate another reassur-
ing clich: every family has trouble with its
kids, and theirs are far worse than mine.
But the Baldwin/Hasselhoff affairs are spe-
cial for other reasons besides, just as various
elements have to come together at sea to
make the perfect storm. Both these Bad Dads
are ex-stars with careers on the slide. If every
father wants his little girl to adore him, how
much greater must be the need of the per-
former whose life and career have been deter-
mined by his narcissistic craving for adula-
tion and who may be constitutionally incap able
of rising to meet the child's needs above the
deafening inner chorus of Me, me, me!"
Throughout history, when fathers behave
like children, others readily step into their
shoes, especially the young, who use their
newfound power without mercy. As Hassel-
hoff rolled on the oor trying to eat a burger
but struggling to nnd his face, a cold teenaged
voice is heard demanding, Promise . . . you're
going to stop drinking." This is Hasselhoff 's
daughter exposing him to the world. Hassel-
hoff is beyond speech at this point, but he
might have responded in the tragic accents
of King Iear: How sharper than a serpent's
tooth it is / To have a thankless child." Either
Kim Basinger, Baldwin's embittered ex-wife,
or Ireland, the daughter he berated, betrayed
Baldwin to public ridicule too. These men
undoubtedly disgraced themselves, both tor-
mented by custody battles that brought all
their demons to the fore. But behind their
public shame are the private passions of two
relentless females driven like Clytemnestra
to seek the most ancient remedy of all, the
wild justice of revenge.
When fathers abdicate their role as parent,
the young, mercilessly, move in for the kill
Hasselhoff, Baldwin and King Lear
MlSBEHAVlN' . . . TY PENNlNGTON
The hunky carpenter/host of TV's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
makes his IivinQ rebuiIdinQ squaIid shanties for down-at-the-heeIs
famiIies. But this week he was busy tryinQ to remodeI his own
reputation after becominQ the Iatest U.S. ceIebrity arrested for
drivinQ drunk. PenninQton has his own brand of Iinens at Sears,
and his coIIarinQ put that Iucrative deaI at risk. He quickIy issued
a fIorid apoIoQy and was reIeased on US$5,DDD baiI.
HASSELHOFF WlTH daughters HayIey Amber and TayIor Ann {right). ln a distressing tape, TayIor Ann demands her dad stop drinking.
fame
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BY BRIAN BETHUNE Humans are quint-
essentially visual animals. To see means to
understand in human language: for us a pic-
ture really is worth a thousand words. Our
most celebrated miracle workers, religious
and medical, are those who bring sight to the
blind. Most of us can't conceive of a calam-
ity, short of death itself, worse than losing
our vision, or of a gift greater than its restora-
tion. Most of us, that is, except for the long-
term blind themselves.
Crashing Through Random House) is Rob-
ert Kurzon's mesmerizing account of tech-
nology entrepreneur Mike May, blind since
,, and his recovery of his sight (, years later
through a revolutionary stem-cell procedure.
May's predecessors were few in numbersince
an instance in Arabia in 1ozo, only zo cases
have been recorded of people regaining vision
in adulthood after being blinded as young as
Maybut united in their surprising unhappi-
ness. Each one struggled with the newfound
ability, and each one was catapulted into
emotional upheaval and depression.
Sidney Bradford, a Briton who lost his
vision at 1o months and recovered it ,1 years
later in 1;,8, was a classic case. Bradford was
known for his cheerful conndence: he wielded
a circular saw with aplomb, strolled through
trafnc and rode a bicycle with one hand on
a fellow cyclist's shoulder). Vhen psycholo-
gist Richard Gregory visited him the day after
the operation, Bradford was still intoxicated
with colour and motion, but Gregory soon
found problems beneath the surface gaiety.
On a walk, Bradford was terrined by the
trafnc he once manoeuvred with ease. In a
museum, he recognized an object only after
he was allowed to handle it. Then touch made
sense of vision: Now that I've felt it I can see
it," he exulted. Vorst of all, no matter how
hard he tried, faces meant nothing to Brad-
fordhe couldn't recognize individuals or
gender or emotion. Vhen his wife smiled,
Kurzon reports, Bradford knew neither that
she was happy nor even that it was she." He
grew ever more depressed. Just 1; months
after his surgery, aged ,( and perfectly nt, he
died. In Gregory's mind, Bradford simply
gave up and let go."
May, too, was a blind high achiever, a cham-
pion skier and former CIA analyst of remark-
able courage and intense curiosity. Although
he felt no pressing need to see, certainly not
his loved ones, whom he knew well by touch,
there were some untouchable things he wanted
to see: panoramic views and, less poetically,
women at topless beaches. Kurzon recreates
the moment of literal) enlightenment in a
lovely piece of writing that conveys May's
surging joy as his remaining eye came back
to life. A cataclysm of white light exploded
into May's eye and his skin and his blood and
his nerves and his cells, it was everywhere, it
was always moving and always still, and some-
one inside him made him laugh."
But Bradford's frustrations soon bedevilled
May as well. Depth, perspective and shadows
defeated him, he could not tell his two sons
apart by their faces. The fault, vision scien-
tists were now able to tell him, lay not in his
eye but in his brain. Humans don't passively
see what's before them, but impose a vast
body of prior learning on images in order to
make sense of them. That's why babies han-
dle, taste and poke everything they meet,
building a library of information about the
nature of their world. And that's why May is
not fooled by optical illusions or repelled by
images that twist human features. Those vis-
ual tricks work by exploiting the gap between
what's actually present and the brain's expect-
ation of what it ought to be seeinga gap that
simply doesn't exist in May.
Children devote billions of neurons and
years of unconscious effort to distinguishing
and reading faces. It's one of their hardest
taskseven teenagers still have trouble with
some adult expressions. But all that brain-
power had never been switched on in May.
Not visually, anyway, in all likelihood the
neurons had changed jobs, and busied them-
selves boosting May's sense of touch and
nne-tuning his exceptional powers of echo-
location. And they weren't coming back
It was a horrible, depressing shock. But
unlike Bradford, May was not about to go
gentle into that good night. He studied end-
less strings of visual clues, like the differences
between plucked and natural eyebrows, that
signal gender and identity, and slowly learned
how to distinguish individuals, even if he's
not always successful. Vhat comes naturally
for most of us will always be a struggle for May,
and it's all the more precious for that.
Blind for 43 years, Mike May is reborn into a
world of colour, motion and mystifying faces
When seeing prevents believing
FlNALLY, A BOOK ABOUT . . . THE DEATH OF HANGlNG
The Last to Die (Dundurn) is a reIentIessIy detaiIed description of
the crimes, punishments and IeQacies of Arthur Lucas and RonaId
Turpin, hanQed in Toronto's Don JaiI on Dec. 11, 1962. But Robert
Hoshowsky's absorbinQ account of the Iast two men executed for
murder in Canada is aIso a first-rate sociaI history, evocative of
a Toronto IonQ Qone in its acceptance of capitaI punishment but
startIinQIy contemporary in its fear of Qun vioIence.
NORMALLY sighted peopIe are repeIIed by images with twisted faciaI features; May, who couId not teII the pictures apart, was untroubIed
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BY BRIAN D. JOHNSON In 4long Camc
Polly, a zoo( comedy starring Ben Stiller,
there's a scene in which Stiller's character gets
rattled when another guy starts mauling his
date on the dance oor. I'm just not into
this whole dirty dancing thing," says Stiller.
Vhat do you mean, dirty dancing?" asks
his date, played by Jennifer Aniston. That
wasn't dirty dancing. That was just salsa."
Every guy knows that women love itthe
movie and the salsa." And two decades after
its release, the movie is hotter than ever. A
live show closely based on the nlm lirty
lancingThc Classic Story On Stagc) is break-
ing box ofnce records. And with a zoth-anni-
versary edition of the DVD, lirty lancing
just got dirtier. The deleted scenes include a
long sequence of Jennifer Grey in a white bra
and panties slow-dancing with a shirtless Pat-
rick Swayze, who hoists her onto his crotch
and . . . well, let's just say that dirty dancing
crosses the line to dry humping.
Eleanor Bergstein, the movie's writer and
co-producer, says that scene was cut from the
movie after preview screenings. It made
audiences uncomfortable, because Jennifer
was too much like somebody's daughter," she
explained, taking a break from auditioning
talent for a Toronto production of the stage
show. In other other words, despite the ani-
mal chemistry between Swayze and Grey, the
romance depended on keeping it clean.
Bergstein was even surprised the title sur-
vived. I thought it would end up being called
Moon Ovcr thc Catskills or something." Dur-
ing the shoot, she recalls, some daily footage
was seized crossing the Canadian border
because customs ofncials assumed it was porn.
That prompted the studio to conduct a sur-
vey on the title, and everyone thought it was
a porn film," says Bergstein. Maybe that
wasn't such a bad thing. The title stuck, lirty
lancing hit pay dirt, became a massive cult
phenomenon, and as Baby and Johnnylovers
from opposite sides of the tracksGrey and
Swayze were typecast in roles they never
escaped. Grey even got a nose job to erase
her image, a decision she came to regret.
Now the movie's fans can swoon to the hip-
grinding passion of Johnny and Baby in the
esh. Since opening in Australia in zoo(,
lirty lancingThc Classic Story On Stagc
has played Auckland, Hamburg and Iondon's
Vest Endwhere it broke all box ofnce rec-
ords for live theatre last fall with advance
ticket sales of s,, million. Toronto hosts the
show's North American premiere in Novem-
ber, and last month Mirvish Productions
reported a record-breaking s1.; million in
single-ticket sales on the nrst day.
So why has lirty lancing left such an indel-
ible mark? Because it's reality-based," says
Bergstein, without a trace of irony. Her movie
followed a string of screen musicals about
class-crossed loversincluding Saturday Night
lcvcr 1;), Crcasc 1;8) and llashdancc
1;8,). But it's the only one that shows, step
by step, how the dances are constructed. And
it's the only one created by a woman who
actually lived the life, if not the romance,
depicted onscreen.
Bergstein based much of her script on her
own experience. Iike Grey's character in the
movie, she's the daughter of a Jewish doctor,
vacationed in the Catskills with her parents,
and was called Baby until she was an adult.
I grew up in Brooklyn in a very poor neigh-
bourhood," she says. My father saw patients
for a dollar. I wanted to change the world,
but in a matching sweater set. And I was a
teenage mambo queen." Bergstein competed
in dirty dancing" contests as a teen during
the early '6osand has a tarnished collection
of trophies to prove it. Iater she worked her
way through university as an Arthur Murray
dance instructor. So there's also a great deal
of Johnny in me," she adds.
Vhile lirty lancing may be seen as the
ultimate chick ick, the way Bergstein talks
about it, you'd think it was a motivational
nlm to empower men: Men have that secret
dancer inside, and this has given permission
for it to come out. Ve have a huge female
audience, but our most passionate audience
is men." On an Australian phone-in show,
Bergstein took a call from a semi driver who
said he travelled with a laptop so he could
watch the movie at rest stops. The lines were
then jammed by other big-rig drivers calling
in to say they did the same. Vho can blame
them? The nlm's hero is a working-class stud,
a misunderstood chick magnet who's a mambo
beat away from being a gigolo. Maybe not
the ultimate male fantasy. But more fun than
waltzing with an 18-wheeler.
A cult phenomenon comes alive on stage and
reveals its secrets on a 20th-anniversary DVD
Dirty Dancing just got dirtier
PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK . . . ROBOTlC PROTEST
VenezueIan-born artist Javier TeIIez is the mastermind behind This
is Tomorrow, a performance piece scheduIed for this month. He
wiII unIeash 5DD 3D-cm-taII robots that wiII waddIe around outside
the New York Stock ExchanQe, carryinQ pIacards with messaQes
from mentaIIy iII patients. TeIIez says the work protests capitaIism.
!t wiII exhaust his army, who wiII waddIe untiI their batteries die.
"!t's a huQe march for them," he says. "They are so smaII."
JOHNNY & BABY UNCUT: The DVD has a deIeted scene between Swayze and Grey that crosses the Iine from dirty dancing to dry humping
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BY NANCY MACDONALD Everyone knows
drinking and dancing frizzes your hair. So at
select Manhattan bars, women will soon have
access to pay-per-minute straightening irons.
For the price of a martini, hard-partying
scenesters can look like Vinnie Cooper even
when they feel like Courtney Iove. Placing
white-hot tongs in crowded, darkened bath-
rooms may seem like a recipe for seared ear-
lobes, yet women have gone gaga for the
items. Eight hundred wall-mounted atiron
vending machines are already operational in
British clubs, gyms and malls. And the con-
cept recently snapped up an international
design award for best grooming gear zoo,"
by style bible vallpapcr' magazine.
It's the latest chapter in the decade-old hair-
straightening boom, now a multi-million-dol-
lar industry. If your hair is off, no matter how
expensive the cut of your clothes, you will
look like a pig in a nice suit," says Samantha
von Sperling, owner of Polished Social Image
Consultants, a service catering to executive-
class New Yorkers. She expects the atiron
vending machines will be a hit stateside. After
an hour of heavy dancing, hair that looked
fabulous a few hours earlier may have gone
from wavy to frizzy or just plain soaking wet."
In the U.K., the Straight Up machine costs 1
for ;o secondsjust pricey enough, say its
creators, Beautiful Vending, to deter one from
hogging the tongs.
Oddly, the concept was thought up by
two men, event marketers Neil Mackay and
Richard Starrett, both ,z. The pair met as
business students at Glasgow's University
of Strathclyde. Between lectures, they ran
a side business planning madcap student
parties. They saw enormous potential for
personal grooming in clubs and bars, and
installed their nrst atiron vending machine
in the U.K. in April zoo,.
Few could have expected the straight-hair
look la lricnds to be so long-lived. But it
remains fashionable from the catwalk to the
boardroom. In current print ads, major design
houses Fendi, Hermes, Prada and Versace
feature rod-straight manes. Fashion editors
are calling for straight hair through next fall
and winter. And every morning, in bathrooms
across the nation, women arm themselves
with relaxing conditioners, anti-curl creams,
serums, waxes, sprays, mousses, gels, blow-
dryers, paddle brushes and at irons of all
shapes and temperatures, to achieve the
smooth look nature never intended.
Rather than lose (, minutes of sleep to
wage that morning war, some are opting for
Japanese straighteningnamed for the method,
which originated in Tokyo, not the result.
Something like a reverse perm, the hair-relax-
ing treatment gives women wash-and-go,
spaghetti-straight hair that lasts over six
months. It's a tortuous process. After a deep-
cleansing shampoo, a relaxant that smells
like Drano is applied to release the hair bonds.
The hair is rinsed, blow-dried, sectioned,
wrapped in foil and straightened, piece by
an eighth-of-an-inch piece. A neutralizing
agent is applied, then conditioner. Then the
hair is re-dried, re-sectioned and re-ironed.
In Vancouver, the Cadillac version of the
treatment can be found at Moods Hair Salon
in upscale Yaletown, the former meatpack-
ing district now populated with SoHo-style
lofts and boutiques. The salon nlls up months
in advance, and charges s,,o and up for the
half-day-long process plus extensive pre-
appointment screening. A budget version is
offered at Red Hill Salon, a Chinese-staffed
hairdresser in a strip mall near the airport,
where a consultation lasts 1, seconds and
involves a ruler. My 16 inches are priced at
s18o, a same-day appointment is negotiated
on the spot.
Moods stylist Kelley Schedewitz describes
the shiny, healthy-looking results as miracu-
lous, but I.A. stylist Tina Cassaday, dubbed
the hair doctor," by client Catherine Zeta-
Jones, warns of the hidden costs. Since the
Japanese straightening craze hit the Holly-
wood Hills, the trichologist has seen over a
thousand post-treatment clients, some with
golf-ball-sized bald patches. After a second
or third treatment," she says, there is no
moisture left in the hair." The bonds are blown
out, hair feels straw-like" to the touch.
The promises are bewitching, and some-
times false. But one cannot dismiss the advice
of women who have learned from their indif-
ference. The most important thing I have
to say today is, hair matters," Senator Hillary
Clinton told the Yale graduating class in zoo1.
Pay attention to your hair. Because everyone
else will." She was only half kidding.
A few dollars here (or a few hundred in the
salon) can get you a do nature never intended
Vending machines for your hair
WHAT THEY GOT FOR lT . . . 50 CENT'S HOUSE
A 52-room, 48,DDD-sq.-foot mansion owned by rapper 5D Cent
and previousIy en|oyed by boxer Mike Tyson couId fetch US$11
miIIion. The rapper bouQht the paIace, Iocated in FarminQton,
Conn., in 2DD3 for US$4.1 miIIion and upQraded it with, amonQ
other thinQs, a heIipad. ReaI estate aQent Curt CIemens, who soId
5D Cent the property, says of the rapper, "He's put a Iot into it,
and it's aII very tastefuI, except for the stripper poIes."
STRAlGHTEN UP: ln the U.K., the units in pubIic bathrooms cost 1 for 90 secondsjust enough to keep women from hogging them
bazaar
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BY JULIA MCKINNELL Toronto artist Deb
Viles lets out a huge, tickled laugh as she
thinks back to the nrst time she smeared on
a patch of petroleum jelly, and using a pow-
der and water mixture called alginate which
dentists make impressions with, applied a
blob of the cold goo to the Vaselined-area
between her bare thighs. She waited in her
bathroom for three minutes before gently
tugging to remove the rubbery glob. The
curious object sat in her hand while she exam-
ined the detailed impression she'd made of
her vulva. A while later, she felt the urge to
repeat the process. She remembers thinking,
Vhy do I want to do that?" she says, sipping
tea at her kitchen table.
Picasso once said, If I know exactly what
I'm going to do, what's the good in doing it?"
So it was with Viles. She was enrolled at the
Ontario College of Art, in a foundry course.
She was , at the time, older than most of her
fellow students. Some told her: Feminist art
is dead." Vhen she showed her professor the
alginate vulva, Viles said, I don't know why
I'm doing this. Maybe I'll make a fruit bowl!"
But her professor said, Just go with it."
Soon Viles was asking every woman she
knew: would you like to come to my house
for tea? Vould you mind if I make a cast of
your vulva? Vhen a couple of her otherwise
laid-back girlfriends objected, Viles was
shocked. I thought for sure they'd do it. But
they said, 'No, I do not want you to, like, cast
my vulva.' And then I explained I wasn't
actually doing it. I was handing them the
stuff, and they were going into the bathroom.
Then they were, 'Oh, okay' and they did it."
The result is a collection of ,z bronze vulvas.
Each rests on a handmade cushion. Up close,
the sculptures sort of look like fossilized oys-
ters served on the half shell. Photos of the
art can be viewed at www.dcbwilcs.com.)
Residue of ,z Vomen to Tea" will be exhib-
ited in February at ARTsPIACE" in Annap-
olis Royal, N.S., where Viles was born. Her
father still lives there. I didn't want to use
the word 'controversial,' " Viles says, when
she alerted her father last week there might
be public reaction to the show. So I told him,
'It might create a hubbub.' ''
Oh, why would it do that?" he asked.
Because it's body parts, Dad."
Body parts? Vhat body parts?"
So I had to tell him, 'women's privates,' "
Viles says.
Cheryl," a long-time friend, remembers
Viles's earlier phase of photographing peo-
ple's armpits. Come to the bathroom," the
artist told her. I'm going to take a picture
of your armpit." Cheryl thought, Do I need
a picture of my armpit taken?" However,
Cheryl found the vulva project very enlight-
eningI was, like, 'Vhoa! That's me?!' Maybe,
occasionally, I'd get a mirror out and have a
look once every nve years, but this was like
a foreign object. I don't see vulvas every day."
Virginia Iake and Rae Hatherton arrived
at Viles's house the same day for tea and to
take a cast of their vulvas. Iake admits she
agreed before considering what was involved.
It wasn't until I got there that I thought,
'Ve're doing what?' " After seeing her impres-
sion, I was quite judgmental. It didn't look
like what I expected it to look like. I liked
Rae's better. I thought hers was more beauti-
ful, with more character, more folds. I thought
mine looked a little closed," she said. But
when I saw them all, I realized we're all dif-
ferent. They're all amazing. I was in awe."
University of Toronto psychology profes-
sor Jordan Peterson collects art, and owns
two of Viles's earlier artworks. He's seen the
vulva sculptures. It's not an ideological, fem-
inist piece. Art is a form of exploratory endeav-
our," he says. If an artist knows why they're
doing something, whatever they're produ-
cing is propaganda, not art. I think the jvulva
sculptures] is a real work of art."
Making casts of body parts is nothing new.
Ex-groupie Cynthia Plaster Caster shot to fame
in 1;6; by casting Jimi Hendrix's penis in plas-
ter. Her collection includes the appendages
of Frank Zappa's bodyguard and Ied Zep-
pelin's tour manager. Today, Cynthia offers
penis-casting workshops to couples for s,oo.
Viles isn't interested in diversifying in this
manner. Her one-time penis-casting experi-
ence illuminated the difnculties. Vhen the
man who hired her was ready, I came at him
in the bathtub," Viles said. Of course he lost
his erection. It was such a bad experience for
him. Ve never got it nnished. I said, 'Do you
want to try this again?' He's like, 'NO!!!' "
Viles pauses. Um, the cast looked like a snail.
So I stuck it in my garden."
An artist invited women for an unusual party:
the result is a collection of 52 bronze vulvas
Tea, ladies? Oh, and by the way. . .
NOW SHOWlNG . . . THE COMPUBEAVER
A stuffed beaver crouches over a keyboard and monitor in artist
Kasey McMahon's exhibit, "Compubeaver." She's hoIIowed out a
taxidermist's beaver and re-stuffed it with a standard computer
motherboard and CPU, a red IiQht in its beIIy. With a 2GHz proces-
sor, the Compubeaver is capabIe of the same tasks as any hiQher-
end PC. Says McMahon, who exhibits the PC on the !nternet: "What
better creature to house the busiest of machines?"
EACH CAST rests on a handmade cushion. Up cIose, the scuIptures sort of Iook Iike fossiIized oysters served up on the haIf sheII.
art
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EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE.
EXTRAORDINARY COVERAGE.
Hello! gives you intimate access to the top international
celebrities. They invite us into their homes and lives,
entrusting us to share their stories in their own words.
Meet them at their most comfortable and candid.
Pick up Hello! every week.
GET INSIDE WEEK AFTER WEEK
www.hellomagazine.ca
O
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SUPPORTS
jann arden
Singer-songwriter
and spokesperson
for the CURE Foundation
National Denim Day
Tuesday, May 15
th
1 888 592-CURE
WWW.CUREFOUNDATION.COM
Donate $5 & wear denim
Thats what the
CURE Foundation
is all about.
Its providing us
with information
and providing
us with hope.
BY JULIA MCKINNELL Vedding season
is on the horizon. Brides-to-be are mailing
out invites. You could get a dozen invitations
this summer. Excited? Good for you.
Not so excited? A new book sympathizes,
especially with the single woman, and offers
tips and strategies on how not to go berserk
from frustration, or for that matter broke
from buying a bunch of food processors as
wedding gifts when you can't even afford
one yourself.
Erin Torneo and Valerie Cabrera Krause
are the authors of Thc 8ridal vavc: 4 Survival
Cuidc to thc lvcryonclKnowlsCcttingMar
ricd cars. The book is aimed at fed up, unwed
women in their twenties and thirties who
would rather stay home and clean the toilet
than attend yet another friend's wedding.
The Bridal Vave strikes like a tidal wave,
sweeping up your friends one by one, and
showering you with anxieties," write the auth-
ors. It's easy to feel like the odd woman out,"
particularly when strangers and relatives ask,
Vhy aren't you seeing anyone?" or Have
you tried online dating?"
Even if you've got a boyfriend, you're not
free from the wrath of the Bridal Vave. Those
of us in relationships face the nring squad
from family: 'Vhen are you two going to make
it ofncial?' " write the authors. Or worse, the
Bridal Vave causes you to scrutinize your own
up-till-now-happy relationship: Is he the
one? Is there even time to meet a new one?"
Thc 8ridal vavc acknowledges, Ve know
how we are supposed to feel when we hear
someone else's good news: we're supposed
to smile and congratulate them." But in a
research survey they did for the book, the
authors found that per cent of women felt
anxiety, self-pity, and jealousy at hearing the
news of a friend's engagement.
Tip No. 1. Make a new friend who is as
far from the circle as possible. She'll be com-
pletely on your side because she won't have
loyalty to your other friends. You can talk as
much trash about your Club Vedd friends
as you like," write the authors.
Tip No. z. It's okay not to go. If this is
your 11th invitation and your heart sinks at
the thought of going, then check the 'regret-
fully decline' box." Furthermore, if your invi-
tation arrives about three weeks before the
actual date, Face it: you're a C-lister to her,
so why bother stressing and showing up?"
If it's a destination wedding"as in, you're
expected to y to Croatiathese are the
easiest to decline," according to the book.
That said, you still have to send a gift." How-
ever, if you think their plan is to get as many
gifts as possible with as few attending guests
as possible, you can always make a charitable
donation in their name. No present for them.
No wedding for you. Score one for charity."
As for the wedding gifts you will be pur-
chasing, Thc 8ridal vavc says, screw the regis-
try. Once you nnd something you like, say,
silver candle holders or an elegant silver tray,
buy in bulk. Repeat, I will not go into credit
card debt."
To avoid further maudlin feelings at home,
steer clear of celebrity magazines, and roman-
tic comedy rentals. Hearing about a celeb's
impending nuptials can have the same result
as getting your umpteenth I've Got Big News
call jfrom an engaged friend]," the book says.
Repeat after us. I will broaden the range of
books and magazines I read so I don't lock
myself into a world run by the money-mak-
ing celebrity machine that perpetuates hap-
pily-ever-after myths." For movie entertain-
ment that doesn't end in I do," the authors
recommend Thclma and louisc, ltcrnal Sun
shinc oj thc Spotlcss Mind, lost in Translation,
and l.l.8.S.
A friend's wedding can easily send a single
woman into despair about her future secur-
ity, and whether she'll ever be a mother.
Tip No. ,. Buy real estate. Buying a home
is not an act of resignation, or a symbol that
you're doomed to be single. It's a smart
investment that can double your money in
nve years."
Vhat's more, if you're nnancially independ-
ent, and if your biggest fear of never marry-
ing is that you'll never have kids, you can
make the decision to be a single mom. Maybe
it's no one's fantasy to drive to a sperm bank
and play select-a-dad . . . but opting to have
a baby doesn't mean the end of the line for
you romantically," write the authors. They
can be separate things. It is zoo, after all!"
Tip No. (. Skip the ceremony. But don't
tell the couple how bummed you are that
you missed the actual tying of the knot. Vhat
they don't know won't hurt them."
How to survive all your friends getting
married when no ones proposing to you
I do, I do, I do hate wedding season
MOST lMPROVED . . . RlCHARD GERE
The !ndian-actress-bussinQ star had been charQed with obscen-
ity foIIowinQ his embrace of ShiIpa Shetty. But Iast week, thinQs
seemed to improve: the |udQe who issued a warrant for Gere's
arrest was removed. Dinesh Gupta's ruIinQ had been criticized by
!ndian IeQaI experts for IackinQ merit. Gupta was transferred to
another post. !t was not immediateIy cIear whether the charQes
aQainst Gere wouId be dropped.
WHO NEEDS to go into debt7 The BridaI Wave authors advise: screw the gift registry! Find something you Iike and buy it in buIk.
help
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Are you sitting down? Good.
Because this news is going
to come as quite a blow. De-
spite all you've believed, all
you've prided yourself on,
despite all the words and
photographs you've posted
to your blog, it pains me to
inform you that . . . well, there's no easy way
to put this: your genitals just aren't that
fascinating.
Please understandit's not mc saying that.
I, for one, completely believe you when you
say your naughty bits are an anatomical won-
der worthy of poetic commemoration and
frequent videotaping. Especially yours, Charlie
Sheen. And I'm not just saying that because
of the little hat you bought for them.
However, the brainiacs in the academic
communitywell, they are of the view that
the contents of your crotch are profoundly
unremarkable. Velcome to Yawnsville, popu-
lation: your vagina. I am not exaggerating
when I suggest a fellow could theoretically
drop his drawers in the North Yard at Har-
vard and those faculty Poindexters would just
saunter on by, completely uninterested in
the acrobatic feats I was making it perform.
But whip out a duck penis and, man, watch
those science nerds reach for the microscopes
and protractors! Yes, the genitals of ducks
have suddenly emerged as a hot topic in the
research community. It seems as though every
Ph.D. with a lab coat and a Segway is off quest-
ing for a promiscuous quacker to probe and
prod in search of secrets to the Compelling
Mysteries of Iifeor, failing that, to the Still
Fairly Interesting Mysteries of Vhy That
Duck's Unit Iooks So Freaky.
It all started with the nndings of Patricia
Brennan, who is a behavioural ecologist at
Yale University. Dr. Brennan recently uncov-
ered evidence among waterfowl of what news
reports are describing as a sexual arms race
waged with twisted genitals," including phal-
luses that range from smooth to covered with
spines and grooves. Note to human evolu-
tion: vhat? You can't keep pace with a jrcak
ing duck??!)
A Ncw ork Timcs article about Dr. Bren-
nan begins with a scene in which she declares
a Meller's duck from Madagascar, the cham-
pion" of genital evolution second place:
Tommy Iee), and then carefully coaxjes] out
his phallus," which is subsequently described
as a long, spiralling tentacle." After ipping
back to the front page to ensure I wasn't read-
ing the latest Danielle Steel, I continued on
to discover that in most birds, the vaginaor
oviductis a simple tube. But the oviducts
of some waterfowl feature various sacs and
pockets that function as dead-ends or false
passages." In other words, impregnating a
duck is a lot like trying to loot an Egyptian
tombbut with your wang, which makes it
harder to carry the gold.
According to the Timcs, Dr. Brennan was
oblivious" to bird phalluses until 1;;;. In
that fateful year, while working in a Costa
Rican forest on a non-freaky-duck-sex-related
expedition, she spotted two birds mating.
They became unattached, and I saw this
huge thing hanging off of him," she said. I
could not believe it. It became one of those
questions I wrote down: why do these males
have this huge phallus?" Other questions
she wrote down included, Vhy don't people
invite me to dinner parties anymore?" Alas,
these questions had no answers, except for
the last one, which is pretty obvious when
you think about it.
Through the use of dissection and saucy
pictures of Daisy Duck, Dr. Brennan discov-
ered that male waterfowl evolve more ornate
phalluses to attempt to bypass the defences
created by ever more elaborate vaginas, and
vice versa. Some large waterfowl that are
highly monogamous, like geese and swans,
have small phalluses, whereas other species
that are quite small but more promiscuous
have more elaborate genitalia," Brennan
told the Timcs. To illustrate that theory: if
Jack Nicholson were a duck, his phallus
would by now have evolved to include colour-
ful feathers, a digital clock and a pyrotech-
nics display at the top of every hour.
Though she's already published her work,
Dr. Brennan remains so dedicated to her
research that she visits a waterfowl sanctuary
every two weeks to inspect and measure the
phalluses of six species of ducks. You can tell
it's her day to visit because there are 8,ooo
male birds waiting out front with owers and
chocolate. Dr. Brennan says she's become
very good at predicting what the genitalia of
one sex will look like by looking at the other
sex nrst." Sadly, her wait continues for this
category to come up on }copardy.
Iately, Dr. Brennan has become obsessed
with the question of why the duck phallus
grows and then disappears. It may be easier
to regrow it than to keep it healthy," she offers
in a theory that a) is supported by some aca-
demics, and b) makes me cringe. But those
are some of the things I may be able to nnd
out. Vhen you're doing something that so
little is known about, you can't really predict
what's going to happen." Except that your
dates will continue to back away slowly from
the dinner table before turning to ee.
No spines or grooves? When it comes to
evoution, humans can`t keep up with the ducks.
Iicld noics
on ihc lovc
lifc of ihc
liccniious
quacLci
ON THE WEB: For Scott Fschuk's tak
on th nws o th oay, visit his blog
www.macIeans.caJfeschuk
SCOTT
FESCHUK
COMMENT
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anny Iorenzo McDonald was born right around supper-

time on Sept. z, 1;68, in Sudbury, Ont., to Mariette
McDonald-Aspirot and Angelo McDonald. He was an
unexpected and nnal addition to the family, which
already included his sister Marlene and brothers Rick and Gilles.
Vhen Dan was four, he rode his tricycle nve kilometres up Main
Street in nearby Chelmsford to visit his father at work at the
Ontario liquor board. As a teen-
ager, Dan washed cars, pumped
gas and sold ice cream to make
money. Once, he convinced
Marlene to lend him her credit
card to buy a radio. He paid
her back promptly. At 18, Dan
became his parents' landlord
when he bought the apartment
building where they resided
he had long been saving for a
down payment). He lived for
football and baseball, and went
to college to be an embalmer.
A late growth spurt meant Dan
was the only six-foot-six, z,o-
lb. mortician in Sudbury.
Dan idolized Rick, a police
ofncer and a father ngure to
his siblings. It wasn't long before
Dan gave up the funeral busi-
ness to work at the Sudbury jail
as a corrections ofncer. He
hoped this would lead to an
eventual spot next to his brother
on the Sudbury police force.
But a former inmate attacked
him at a bar in 1;88 and injured
Dan's foot, hurting his chances
of joining the police force, so
Dan stayed on at the jail.
In July 1;;;, Rick, who had
just fallen in love again after
a difncult divorce, was laying
a spike belt across the highway outside of Sudbury to stop a stolen
minivan. Instead, the vehicle struck him and killed him instantly.
Devastated, the family petitioned governments to make it a fel-
ony to evade police during a vehicle chase. The Rick McDonald
Act became federal law.
Still grieving, Dan wanted a ntting and lasting tribute to his brother,
and found it in Azilda Field, the rundown baseball diamond where
his father and brothers played growing up. In zooo, Dan established
the annual Rick McDonald baseball tournament, which attracted
police squad teams from around Ontario. Dan refurbished Azilda
with new fencing, bleachers, grass and signage, and petitioned to
have the neld renamed after his deceased brother. Some of the
money went toward maintaining the neld, the rest Dan used to buy
bicycles for underprivileged kids. He tattooed 6116"Rick's badge
numberon his right bicep in inch-high numbers.
Still, his brother's death and the breakdown of his own marriage
he and his wife had two children, Chad and Chelsea) remained nag-
ging constants in his life. Vhat
a surprise, then, when he met
Sandra Rayner, a hairdresser
from nearby Azilda, through a
mutual friend in zoo(. I'm
not sure if I'm ready to do this
again," he said to Marlene one
day. Just go for coffee," was
her reply. It's not like you have
to go for dinner." It quickly
went beyond dinner, and the
pair planned to spend the rest
of their lives together.
At work, Dan was promoted
to management at the jail, and
was soon the scheduling ofncer
for about ;o jail staff. It was a
difncult job, because everybody
wanted everything from him.
You can't be the answer to
everyone's problems," his boss,
Enzo Pedron, told Dan more
than once. Still, he tried.
Dan recently set to work on
building a z,,oo-sq.-foot house
for Sandra and the children. It
was so big his neighbour Mike
Iabelle dubbed it the Val-
Mart mansion." He also bought
a Chevy Avalanche Z-1, a big
truck to go with his big house.
I feel safe in it," Dan said after
the purchase.
One afternoon in late April,
Dan and Sandra got into the Avalanche to drive to a triplex building
he owned. He needed to nx a tenant's door. Dan promised Sandra
that he wouldn't take very long, and that they would take their chil-
dren to the Sudbury Volves hockey game right after he was nnished.
You know, Danny, whenever you go somewhere you always take
longer than you say," Sandra said when they reached the end of the
driveway. He laughed, and brought her back to the house. Then he
drove off toward the highway outside of Sudbury. A Pontiac Sunbird
swerved into his lane. On April z,, Danny Iorenzo McDonald, ,8,
died in the collision. BY MARTIN PATRIQUIN
THE END
He aways wanted to be ike his brother,
and in many ways he was
DaNNv LoucNzo McDoNaIn
1968-2007

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TM
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