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Things People Said: Church Bulletin Quotations http://www.rinkworks.com/said/bulletins.


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Church Bulletin Quotations

"Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you."

"Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church."
"Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."
"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
"O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation."
"After today's service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell
to the pastor."
"Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."
"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
"The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and
Mrs. Julius Belzer."
"Children will be led in sinning and Bible study."
"This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be
baptized at both ends."
"This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."
"There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow."
"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our
choir practice."
"Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."
"Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured." -- The subject of a sermon that should have read, "An
Institution To Endure."
"Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear
Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
"The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."
"The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'"
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Don't forget your husbands."
"The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict."
"Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the
"The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'"

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Things People Said: Church Bulletin Quotations http://www.rinkworks.com/said/bulletins.shtml

"Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones."
"Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to
cripple children."
"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility."
"The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on
Friday afternoon."
"The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for
the pancake breakfast next Sunday."
"Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch."
"Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."
"Women's S.E.W. (Stitching and Encouraging Women)"
"He came down and saved my soup."

Church Anecdote:

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the
world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He
sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us
sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"

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