Ten Keys to Educator's Survival

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. School professionals are often blamed for the ills of society. Yet, there are countless administrators, teachers and counselors who challenge and inspire students to do their best and strive for excellence. The following are ideas educators may want to consider as they continue their work. 1. Understand that you are only human. You will make mistakes.
2. Since you have a distinct personality, do what works best for you and your students. 3. Observe children s work and behavior, notice and acknowledge improvements. 4. !lan ahead, but be flexible and accept changes. "now that you cannot accomplish all of

your goals.
5. Understand that children may not show appreciation for your efforts. 6. Share your time, ideas and materials with peers. 7. Since genuine compliments encourage you as well as others, give them freely. 8. #iscuss concerns with a peer or mentor. $sk for help when you are overwhelmed. 9. %hen you become discouraged, reflect and write down why you chose education as a

career and the successes you have had.

10. &ind en'oyable outlets unrelated to working with students.

To Tell the Truth

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. (t is normal for young children to deny allegations, blame others for their mistakes or make up stories. They find it hard to distinguish fiction from reality. Until the age of six or seven, fantasy is a part of children s lives. )owever, children beyond that age can develop a pattern of deception that can negatively affect their social and emotional development. *hildren in elementary school typically know when they are lying. They may lie because they feel trapped, fear punishment, want to please adults, or because the adults around them are dishonest. They may also tell lies to avoid humiliation, escape from work or failure, boost their self+esteem, receive special attention, protect themselves or others, receive peer acceptance, gain something they want, or hide an antisocial behavior such as drug use. )ere are some ideas for educators on how to address this issue... ,. $void lengthy lectures and severe punishment because they tend to increase the chances of children lying as a defense mechanism. (nstead, create a non+threatening environment where

children feel safe to tell the truth. &ocus on building closeness and trust with students. -ever call a child a .liar. because children have a tendency to live up to negative labels. /. Use conse0uences rather than retaliation. *hildren who receive harsh punishments for telling lies often become skillful at deception. %hen they can trust adults not to overreact, children are more likely to acknowledge a lie. $llow children to experience conse0uences for their behavior. &or example, if a child denies tripping another child, he must sit alone or loose a privilege. 1. #o not ignore lying. (f the goal is to get your attention, the student may tell even more lies. (nstead, remind yourself that a child who consistently lies has a problem and needs help to be successful. $lways like the child, but not the behavior. 2. 3ook for reasons or patterns. $sk yourself, why is this child being dishonest4 #oes he want attention4 (s he seeking power or excitement4 (s she doing it to avoid punishment or school work4 #oes he or she feel inade0uate or overwhelmed4 Try to accentuate the child s strengths and make sure your expectations are appropriate for the child. 5. *all attention to a child if he or she tells the truth by saying something like, "Thank you, Ryan, for being honest. I admire the way you are willing to face the consequence and I know you can handle it." %hen truthfulness is acknowledged it is much more likely to be repeated, so reinforce it by saying, "When you are truthful, people will trust you." 6. Share hypothetical situations with the class by asking .what if.... 0uestions. (f the school rule is that we treat each other with kindness, what if Tom teased the new boy and would not let him play. %hen the teacher saw the interaction, she said, "Tom, I saw you teasing Michael. What will you do now to help him feel better " Tom responded, "I didn!t do anything"" 7Tom not only got one conse0uence, but two, since he lied about the teasing.8 The teacher can ask the class the following9 #id Tom tell the truth4 (f you were :ichael, how would you feel4 %hy is it important to tell the truth4 ;. $void saying, "If you tell the truth, you won!t be punished." <ather teach students that everyone makes mistakes, but that there are conse0uences for lying. One idea is if a child breaks a rule, there is one conse0uence and if he or she lies about it, there is an additional one. #ealing with lies in a calm, yet disciplined way teaches children that they are responsible for their behavior. =. -ever ask a child a 0uestion that invites him or her to lie. &or example, do not say, "#id you take the en$elope with lunch money off my desk " <ather describe what you observe in a calm voice, "I see that the money en$elope is gone. I am sad that someone took something that was not theirs. It belongs to all of the students and needs to be returned." >. %hen what happened is unknown, ask the children about it. Observe their facial expressions and other nonverbal behaviors. 3isten for inconsistencies in the stories they tell. $sk yourself, "%re the comments spontaneous or rehearsed, belie$able or full of contradictions " (f you suspect a child is lying, having him or her repeat his story can be helpful in determining the truth. ,?. $ssist a child in saving face if he or she begins to tell a lie. (nstead of saying, "That!s a lie"" say something like, "That doesn!t sound right to me," or "Wait, I need to hear the truth." Then the child may say something like, "&h, I forgot, it wasn!t e'actly like that..." Or simply give attention without hearing the lie by interrupting it with a re0uest, "()hild!s name*, I need you to collect the papers."

,,. %hen appropriate, talk about imagination and how sometimes children lie to protect themselves or others. You could say something like, "(child!s name*, you ha$e a $i$id imagination. +our stories are e'citing, but now I need to hear the truth," or "In this room we care about each other and it is okay to make mistakes. ,ut, it!s not okay to lie to me." ,/. #iscuss lying with a guilty child as privately as possible, and avoid shaming him or her. Your goal is to help the child become more honest. $ttempt to find a solution to the problem together by stating what happened and by asking something like, "What will you do now to make things right " (f the child has no response, provide some suggestions from which he or she can choose. ,1. :odel honesty and fairness toward your students and peers. !oint out that people can learn from their mistakes, and that if a lie is told it can be rectified if the child or adult acknowledges it. 7&or children ages three to ten, see the "elly @ear @ehavior book that deals with lying.8 ,2. (f lying becomes a significant problem, involve a parent or parents. )elp them see that every child needs to feel loved and cared for, even if he or she is not always truthful. Together explore appropriate conse0uences and rewards that will reinforce truthfulness. ,5. Seek additional professional help if a child exhibits a repetitive pattern of lying andAor continually denies doing it. !ersistent lying can be a symptom of a more serious mental health problem.

Ten Ways to Foster Resiliency in Children

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. <esilient children are those who adapt well, despite experiencing adversity in their lives. &amilies, schools, and communities have a profound influence upon children s ability to be persistent, overcome obstacles, and develop hope for their future. %hen children are influenced by caring adults with high expectations for their success, they are more likely to withstand negative pressures and become responsible adults. %hat *an School !rofessionals #o To Bnhance <esiliency (n *hildren4 <espect and #emonstrate "indness Toward $ll Students *hildren should be greeted by name as often as possible, especially at the beginning of each school day. Staff members need to be encouraged to display interest in students through thoughtful words and a pleasant demeanor. !romote a Sense of @elonging and Ownership in the School *hildren can participate in their school by helping in the classrooms, doing errands for their teacher, working as crossing guards, being peer mediators, picking up trash, tutoring younger or special needs children, or contributing in other areas. $fter+school involvement in arts and crafts, drama, sports teams, clubs and activities can also increase school bonding. <ecogniCe and @elieve in Bach *hild s %orth *hallenge students to do their best and express confidence in their ability to do many things well. :ake expectations clear and encourage perseverance and critical thinking. %hen children express original thoughts or uni0ue points of view, acknowledge their ideas. $ccentuate *ooperation <ather Than *ompetition Structure environments so that children feel safe, secure, and ready to learn. $cknowledge individual improvement, rather than emphasiCe who is smartest, fastest, or most talented. Dive

recognition freely and compliment individual and team effort. Teach Social (nteraction Skills Bmpathy, communication, and responsiveness need to be modeled and stressed. @e aware of and prevent teasing, gossiping, excluding, or other bullying behaviors. )ave the students role play friendship and assertiveness skillsE be careful to choose children who will model the behaviors you want to reinforce. Teach !roblem+Solving Skills To foster self+awareness and self+control have the children practice using the following steps from the "elly @ear *.$.<.B.S. !rogram9 1. $sk, .%hat is the problem4. 2. $sk, .%hat can ( do4. 3. :ake a list of ideas. 4. #ecide which one to try. 5. Try it. 6. $sk, .#id it work4. 7. (f not, ask, .%hat will ( do now4. &oster 3eadership Skills and Dood %ill !rovide opportunities for children to discuss their ideas and make decisions regarding classroom activities. Bstablish a student council or other organiCation that acknowledges children s interests and concerns and promotes character development. (ncrease kindness throughout the school by having students and staff write down observed caring behaviors. $cknowledge the identified students. )elp *hildren #iscover Their Strengths and Talents !rovide time for children to imagine themselves doing something outstanding and worthwhile. $fter they set goals for themselves, discuss ways to reach their goals, and brainstorm choices they may need to make. :odel Tenacity, Bmotional :aturity, and )ealthy $ttitudes @e organiCed, consistent and use appropriate coping skills. @e genuine and avoid embarrassing or using sarcasm with a student. (nvolve !arents To &oster a @onding, -urturing !arent+*hild <elationship )elp parents see that they are their child s most important teachers, and that as role models they need to spend 0uality time teaching, training and exhibiting those habits and values they want their child to have. 7&or tips on how to encourage such a relationship, see (ncreasing !arent (nvolvement in Schools and Ten %ays to (nvolve &athers in Their *hildren s Bducation under Teacher F *ounselor (deas. You can also find seven articles offering parenting tips at !arents Tips.8

Teachin Children Re!usal S"ills

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. *hildren who are taught refusal skills are more likely to make positive choices and refrain from

engaging in high+risk behaviors. )elping children set limits for themselves and say .no. to outside pressures increases their self+confidence. %hen children learn to stop and consider the conse0uences before responding to a re0uest, as well as a variety of ways to say .no,. they become more accomplished at refusing to participate in anything that could harm themselves or others. 1. $sk the students to name choices they make daily. 3ist their comments on the board. Some examples are9 o Bat good food or 'unk food. o @e friendly or ignore others. o &ollow the rules or disobey them. o &inish schoolwork or 0uit before it is done. o @e truthful or lie. o 3isten to the teacher or talk while heAshe is talking.
2. )ave the children recall a time when a fellow student asked them to do something they

really didn t want to do, or something that would cause a problem for them or someone else. Some examples are9 o Tease or bully others o Smoke a cigarette o Smell household products o Steal o *heat o #rink beer o #isobey parental or school rules o #o dangerous things on their bike or skateboard o 3ie
3. Tell the children that one way to keep themselves safe and out of trouble is to learn

refusal skills. Bxplain that if they feel uncomfortable about a re0uest they need to stop, think, and consider what might happen if they did what the other person asked.
4. #emonstrate being assertive if someone wants them to do something that would cause a

problem. &or example, if someone wanted to fight, a child could stand up straight, look the other person in the eye, put his or her hands on their hips and say in a firm voice, .( m not going to fight with youG. )ave the children all stand and practice this. *omment that using this demeanor may help in some situations, and that there are other ways a child may refuse, such as9 o Say .-o. or .-o, thanks,. over and over if necessary. .-o, you can t have my lunch money because it s all ( have.. .-o thanks, ( don t smoke..
o

*all it what it is.

.That s cheating 7stealing, bullying, using drugs, not following the rules, etc.8 and ( don t do that..

Talk about something else. .That was a great gameG. .)ave you finished your pro'ect4. .%hat s going on over there4. $sk 0uestions. .%hat are you asking me to do4. .%hy would you want to do that4. .%hat is your problem4. Dive reasons. .( don t want to get into trouble.. .( think differently than you.. .(f ( did that ( would feel bad about it.. Use humor or sarcasm. .You have to be kiddingE that beer can hurt the inside of my body.. .Sure, that s all ( need to doE then ( d be grounded for weeksG. Suggest doing something else. .3et s ride bikes.. .3et s play a game.. .3et s ask Hohn to play ball.. (f you want their friendship, keep the door open. .(f you decide to do something safer, let me know.. .( ll be at home if you want to play video games..

5. Teach the children that when all else fails to ignore the other child or children and walk

away.
6. <ole !lays

%hen using role plays with young children, the teacher or school counselor needs to be the one promoting the negative behavior. :ake sure the children understand that you are pretending and would never want a child to do what you are asking. *hoose two assertive children to come up front. <ole !lay , o Teacher 7giving background to students89 .This is pretend. ( do not want you to smoke cigarettes. You two are friends and ( am a child, too. ( invited you over to play, but at the last minute my mom had to go to the store. ( will offer you a cigarette, but ( don t want you to take it. @e thinking about what you will say or

do. Okay4. Teacher 7in character8 9 .)ey, ( m glad you both could come over. :om s gone to the store. ( found some of her cigarettes. 3et s smoke themG She ll never know. %atch me 7pretend to light up a cigarette and smoke it.8 )ere, have one4. (f the child says, .-oG. then ask, .%hy4. <esponses could be . . . .Smoking can hurt my body,. .Tobacco is a drug.. (f a child says, .Okay. say to the class9 .(s that a good choice4. They will usually say .no.. (f they say .yes,. ask an individual child you think will answer correctly to come to the front and respond. *all the children who refused the cigarette .smart,. and have everyone clap for them. <ole !lay / o Teacher 7giving background to students89 .%hat if a friend wanted you to take money out of the teacher s desk4 Stealing is not only against the school rules, it s also against the law. ( need a helper. 7*hoose a child.8 %e are friends, and we are in the classroom alone while the other children and teacher are out on the playground.. Teacher 7in character89 .)ey, did you see :rs. Hones put money in her desk4 ( was watching and she forgot to lock it. You take it and we ll split it. She ll never know who did it.. Bncourage the child to say something like4 .Stealing is big trouble.. .( don t steal.. .(f ( did that ( d feel bad inside.. *all the decision .smart,. and have everyone clap. <ole !lay 1 o Teacher 7giving background to students89 .%hat if a new child in the class had wrinkled, old looking clothes4. 7*hoose a child.8 Teacher 7in character as a classmate89 .#id you see how messy the new kid looks4 3et s not play with her..

)opefully the child will refuse to go along with the friend and say something like4 .She looks nice to me and ( m going to play with her. (t s not right to leave kids out because they don t have nice clothes.. *ompliment her for being .kind. and have everyone clap. (nvite the children to create other role plays involving choices such as9 saying .no. to alcohol, fighting, cheating, teasing, gossiping, etc. )aving the children participate in role plays not only provides them with practice making positive choices, but they receive approval through applause from their peers for choosing to do what s right for them and their classmates.

#nderstandin Sel!$Estee%
By Leah Davies, M.Ed. Self+esteem is based on a child s personal belief system. (t is a blend of the way children feel about themselves and the way they believe others see them. *hildren s sense of self influences their attitudes about what they can do, how to cope with problems, and how to get along with peers. $cademic success enhances self+assurance and helps a child feel capable. &ailure in scholastic efforts often leads to self+doubt. (f children have a low esteem, they may shy away from new tasks and challenges, or spend considerable energy on personal concerns instead of concentrating on learning. The foundation of self+esteem is laid early in children s lives when they develop attachments with caring adults who respond affectionately to them. %hen children feel that the significant others in their lives love them, want them to be safe and would miss them if they were gone, they are more likely to develop a feeling of self+worth. (f children are treated with respect, encouraged to do their best, given realistic feedback, provided with structure, and offered opportunities for controlling some part of their lives, their self+esteem usually thrives. *onversely, if children feel unaccepted and unworthy of love, a poor self+concept may result. $dditional factors that can contribute to feeling low self+worth are unusual appearance, poor coordination, learning problems, attention disorders, ad'ustment difficulties, ethnicity, poverty or discrimination. *hildren do not gain self+esteem from adults telling them how wonderful they are. (nstead, they develop self+confidence from being respected and by accomplishing challenging tasks. !raise is valuable when it is genuine and provides meaningful feedback. The use of flattery is not beneficial 7See article, Bffective !raise8. $nother consideration is that children do not ac0uire self+esteem all at once, nor is it consistent over time. $ll children experience emotional ups and downs. &or example, a child may feel self+ assured at home but not at school or in groups. Offering a variety of social and educational experiences helps strengthen a child s self+confidence.

Since self+regard in children is profoundly influenced by the 'udgments of the adults in their lives, what can educators do to enhance the self+esteem of children4 *all the students by their name and celebrate their mastery of material or noteworthy effort by responding verbally, in writing andAor by displaying their work.

@e clear about your classroom structure and rulesE provide an impartial, cooperative environment where children are heard, and respected. 7See article, Bducator s Duide to Bnhancing *hildren s 3ife Skills8. Offer opportunities for children to have choices, make decisions, experience success and contribute to their class, school andAor community. &oster perseverance by supporting a student s belief in his or her ability to cope well with setbacks. Teach children positive self+talk to use when discouraged. 7See article, Bncouraging Thoughts8. )elp students build supportive relationships with peers by providing group activities that reinforce cooperation, resourcefulness and problem solving skills. Bncourage character traits such as helpfulness, responsibility, and empathy. 7See articles, @uilding *haracter in Students and $ggressive Dirls.8 <ecogniCe children s uni0ue abilities and allow them opportunities to initiate pro'ects related to their interests. (nclude self+evaluation of their work. )elp parents understand that children need affection, undivided attention, limits, encouragement, expectations, and some control over their lives. 7See articles under .!arent Tips.8. :odel a pro+social, considerate attitude as you guide, direct and teach your students. 3isten to them, thus demonstrating a genuine interest in their learning, lives and points of view.

Words Can &ns'ire

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. :ost educators can recall a teacher s comment that either encouraged or discouraged them. !ositive messages foster a child s growth and are constructive, while negative messages can defeat and discourage a child. Our words can have a profound effect upon a child s attitude and behavior. $ comment like, .You better do well on this test,. can threaten a child s confidence. (n contrast, by saying, .This is an important test, but ( know each of you will do your best,. can inspire children to try harder. )ere are some examples of teacher comments made to children that illustrate how the right 7or wrong8 words can discourage or encourage9 $ discouraging comment such as... .You are slow like your brothers. You may never learn to read.. ...would lead the child to internaliCe the message and 0uit trying.

$n encouraging comment such as... .You do well in math and ( believe you will become a good reader. ( will help you learn to readG. ...would make the child think that if his teacher believes that he can learn to read, maybe he really canG The student will feel proud of his math ability and be ready to try to improve his reading. $ discouraging comment such as... .You are always in trouble. You are 'ust one of those children who cannot get along with others.. ...would lead a child to believe that she is a hopeless troublemaker who will never have friends. $n encouraging comment such as... .You are a talented artist. Detting along with others is something that can be improved upon. ( know you will be able to learn how to share and take turns.. ...would inspire a child to try to live up to her teacher s expectation of her being able to behave appropriately. Teacher comments can have a significant impact on a child s self+esteem. :any students come to school sad and discouraged as a result of poverty, abuse or other problems. *hildren desperately need someone to believe in their worth and encourage them to try harder to do their bestG Herry :oe, a renowned national speaker and prevention specialist for children at the @etty &ord *enter, shared his childhood at a recent conference. )is parents were alcoholics who were unavailable to help him grow and develop into a self+confident child. $s an adolescent, he exhibited delin0uent behaviors. One day a substitute teacher called him aside and said, .You are too good to get in trouble. ( see a lovable child underneath your tough exterior. You are a valuable human being. ( know you can make a contribution to this world.. :r. :oe reported that those few words turned his life around and he began to believe that he could develop into a worthwhile person. Students with a low sense of worth dwell on their weaknesses. Teachers who search for and discover each child s strengths can contribute greatly to a child s revised self+concept. %hen a teacher mentions a child s strengths, he or she will most likely begin to believe he has abilities. &or example a teacher might say9 .( see you can run very fast. You may want to be on the track team someday.. .( have been thinking about your pro'ect idea, and ( have decided to use itG. .%hat a creative storyG ( am going to hang your paper on the bulletin board.. .%hat bright colors you used in your picture. :aybe you will become an artistG. %ords that paint successful pictures for children stimulate optimism about their future and thus encourage positive behaviors. (f you want to inspire your students, stop and think before saying something defeating and then express the idea in a constructive, encouraging way.

What Will (our Students Re%e%)er*

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. %hen ( asked educators what they remember about former teachers, one said, .( remember a teacher who made me feel welcome, safe and important. She saw something special in me.I $nother stated, J(t seemed like every day :r. :iller would look me in the eye, smile at me, and acknowledge me in some way.I (n a documentary of Bd @radleyKs life, he commented that one of his teachers told him, JYou can be anything you want to be.I $t the time he was surprised, but the thought guided him throughout his life. Bducators make lasting impressions through their everyday interactions with students. )elpful teachers areL calm and encouragingE fair and respectfulE organiCed with high expectationsE prepared and enthusiastic about teachingE able to demonstrate a sense of humorE and able to create a positive classroom learning environment 7seeJSuccessful TeachersI8. )ere are what adults are saying about their favorite teachers. J:y teacher... Lgot us involved in fascinating discussions.I Lread exciting books to us.I Lgave us an opportunity to choose our pro'ects.I Ltook us to see a play.I Lplayed a dulcimer for us.I Llet us choose a famous person to research and impersonate.I Lhad the class make cards for my dad who was serving in the $rmy.I Lasked about my mom who was in the hospital.I Lcomforted me when ( was sad.I Llet me help her after school.I Lwrote MfantasticK on some of my papers.I Lnever gave up on me.I Lmade me feel that ( mattered.I )ere are some negative 0uotes. J:y teacherL Lseemed disinterested in teaching.I Lused the classroom as a forum to vent her personal problems.I Lgot angry and yelled over nothing and everything.I Lfrowned all the time.I Lcalled children names like MslowK and MlaCy.KI Lseemed to hold me in disdain because ( was poor.I Lwould say, M( 'ust donNt understand why you canNt get this. %hy canNt you be more like your sister4KI Lintimidated me to the degree that ( was afraid to ask a 0uestion.I Lhad me do endless, boring math problems.I

Lyelled out my name and said that my paper was the worst he had ever readGI Lheld me by my shoulders and shook me.I Lmade me wear a dunce cap because ( got a problem wrong.I Lmade me feel like ( could not do anything right.I Laccused me of lying when ( didnKt.I (deas that may serve to enhance positive memories in children9 Take a video or pictures of a various pro'ects, special occasions, field trips and outdoor play. 7-ote9 (t may be necessary to get each parentsN written permission to include their child.8 $t the end of the year, ask the parents to send in a blank *# to receive a copy. Or, if you took pictures, combine a few prints in a :emory @ook for each child. You may want to include a note describing the childKs greatest strength. Since children tend to live up to positive comments from their peers, a teacher could lead the class in the following activity. $sk the students to name attributes that describe each other 7see ITeacher *omments on <eport *ardsI8. 3ist them on the board, such as, Jfriendly,I Jkind,I Jfun to be with,I Jshares his things,I Jplays fair,I Jgood speller,I Ifast runner.I Then have the children write their name at the top of a piece of colored paper. $sk them to pass their paper to the left and have each child print a word or words that describe the named child. %hen all children have had a turn, you may want to collect them to screen for negative comments. (n that case you could print up a list of the complimentary ones to share with each child. Otherwise, you can hand back the originals. $dministrators can encourage teachers to do their best by accentuating their specific strengths both verbally and in writing. $nother idea is for administrators to ask the teachers of higher grades to have their students write a letter to a favorite, former teacher concerning their memories. Then privately distribute the letters. :ost children will not remember what a teacher taught as much as how he or she made them feel. *hildren who perceive themselves as accepted and valued will work harder and have positive feelings about their school experience 7seeJ)elping *hildren SucceedI8.

+, Ways to -)tain Children's .ttention in a School Settin

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. There are countless times when educators need their students undivided attention. The following methods are best taught during the first weeks of school. These ideas can assist teachers in providing an ordered and safe learning environment for everyone. ,. )old up your hand and say, .Dive :e &ive.. The children put their hands in the air and shout .fiveG. $s they count down to one, they get progressively 0uieter until .one. is said in a whisper. Or, after saying, .Dive me five,. everyone puts their hand in the air and counts loudly using their fingers from , to 5. /. Teach the children that the five fingers on their right hand stand for the five things they must do when you hold up your hand. Say, .Dive me five,. and wait until all the children hold up their hand. Then lead them in saying the five things together. 7,8 Byes ++ look 7/8 Bars ++ listen 718 :outh ++ closed 728 )ands ++ still 758 &eet ++ 0uiet

3ater when you say, .Dive me five,. the children are to think of these five things and hold up their hand to show they are ready to listen. 1. *lap or tap in a pattern, for example, clap slowly twice and then clap fast three times. The students are to stop what they are doing and repeat the pattern. (f necessary, do it again until all children have responded and are 0uiet. You may want to vary the pattern. 2. Shake a shaker, touch a wind chime, ring a bell, play 0uiet music or use any kind of sound maker as a signal for students to be attentive. 5. <aise you hand and stand still until the students are 0uiet. Or, raise your right hand and put the index finger of your left hand on your lips. The children are to do the same. $nother idea is to hold up three fingers which is a silent signal for .Stop, look, listen.. Then wait until all the children have their three fingers up and are 0uiet. 6. Say, in a normal tone of voice, .*lap once if you can hear me.. Those listening will 0uiet down and clap one time. Then say, .*lap twice if you can hear me.. :ore children respond with two claps. &inally say, .*lap three times if you can hear me.. @y this time you should have the attention of your students. ;. %hen you say, .Ooices,. teach the children to respond with a 0uiet, .Shhh.... Use it if the children are too loud. (f you want their attention, say, .Ooices. again and they respond with a 0uieter, .Shhh.... Say it a third time very 0uietly, .Ooices.. $ll students should be 0uiet and ready to listen. =. Tell your students that they will be playing, .The Still %aters Dame. often, and that they will know the game has begun when you say, .,, /, 1, 1, /, , still waters has begun.. $sk them to freeCe like an ice cube and remain silent when they hear that sentence. Time the children to see how long they can remain still. The goal is to beat their best time. )old your fist in the air and each time you see someone move or talk, put a finger up. Once you have all five fingers up, check your watch and tell the class how long they were able to remain still. >. !ractice having the children stop, look at the teacher and listen when the lights are flicked off and on. ,?. Teach the difference between being silly and serious. Tell them that there is room for both of these behaviors. Then practice by saying, .$ct sillyG. 3et them be silly. Then say, .-ow, act serious.. :odel this often at the beginning of the year so when you say, .( need to have serious behavior,. they respond accordingly and are attentive. ,,. Use a count down or count up system. Say, .You have until five to be ready for....... ,, /, 1, 2, 5.. Start a count down at whatever number you think the students need to be ready. &or example, start with 5, ,? or ,5 depending on the activity to be put away. ,/. Say, .@oys and DirlsL. and then write numbers as a countdown on the board from 5+2+1+/+ ,. The idea is that there is a conse0uence if you reach one before receiving everyone s attention. &or example, a child talking may have to move or lose some free time, or use some other outcome for the whole class. $nother idea is to hold up your hand and count silently to five on your fingers as you look at a watch. Teach the students if they do not become 0uiet by the count of five, their recess time will be cut by the amount of time it takes them to become 0uiet. ,1. Use an old fashioned desk bell that you can tap. One tap means the class is getting too loud. Two taps mean that they need to stop what they are doing and listen. ,2. Use a target word for a day or week. )ave the students pick one that is related to what they are studying. &or example, pioneer, Ohio, or fossils. %hen you say the word, the children stop, look and wait for directions. Or, the children could respond with a definition or short response to

the target wordE for example, if you said, .Ohio,. the students would respond, .The buckeye state.. Other call backs could include .spaghetti. ++ .meatballs,. or .$braham. ++ .3incoln.. 3et the students suggest new words to be used. ,5. Use a piece of poster board to make a noise level monitor. On the left side label it ,, /, 1, and on the right side, list the type of noise acceptable for each. &or example9 , + -o talking / + %hispering 1 + -ormal talking Use a large clip to indicate the acceptable noise level at any given time. ,6. Say .,, /, 1, eyes on me. and the children say back, .,, /, 1, eyes on you,. with their faces turned toward you and looking at your eyes. Or, say .,, /, 1, 3ook at me. in a sing song voice. $nother teacher+child response idea is for the teacher to say, .)ey, oh,. and the children reply .Oh, hey.. Or, the teacher says, .&reeCe, please.. $nd after giving instructions, the children say, .:elt.. ,;. Use, .Teacher Says,. like .Simon Says.. &or example, .Teacher says, touch your nose,. .*lap once,. or .Teacher says, look at me.. ,=. Say in a robotic voice, .:iss :oore to *lass + *ome in class. and smileG This method can be used with individual students as well. Or, use a special phrase when something is really importantE for example, say, .:rs. @rown s class.... instead of saying, .@oys and girls.. ,>. @uy a large rain stick at a science store. %hen you turn it over, it sounds like rain falling. %hen the children hear the sound, they are to stop what they are doing and listen. /?. &or an assembly of the student body shout the school name and have the children respond with the name of the school mascot, i.e. the administrator shouts, .:emorial. and the children respond with, .@ulldogG. $fter they shout the mascot name they are to be silent. /,. 3et your voice get 0uieter and 0uieter as a signal for the children to be 0uiet. Talk softer or not at all until they are still. Or say softly, .Tootsie <oll, 3ollipop, weNve been talking, now let s stop.. //.Teach young children the following chant9 Teacher saysE .,, /.. *hildren say9 .Byes on you.. Teacher9 .1, 2.. *hildren9 .*risscross on the floor.. Teacher9 .5, 6.. *hildren9 .-o more tricks.. Teacher9 .;, =.. *hildren9 .Sit up straight.. Teacher, .>, ,?.. *hildren, .3et s beginG. /1. Sing the following words to the &rere Hac0ues tune9 .$re you listening4 $re you listening4 BveryoneG BveryoneG (f you are listening, if you are listening, look at me, look at me.. Other ways to end the song are9 .Snap your fingers. or .!at your head.. /2. Sit in your chair and start singing one song after another with no pauses. The children all 'oin in the singing and come to group time. You can do the same thing with poetry. Start reciting poems that the children know and they will repeat them with you as they 'oin the group. /5. Use motions like circling your hands 0uickly, then slow down and clap. You can also do the motions to a song like the .(tsy, @itsy Spider. %hen all of the children are copying the gestures silently, sing the song through.

+/ &deas !or &nstillin Manners in Children

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. :any adults agree that a lack of manners in children is a growing problem in our society. !arents are partly to blame if they ignore their childrenKs rude behaviors. Some parents demonstrate poor sportsmanship, display inconsiderate attitudes and blame educators for their childNs problems. #isrespectful conduct portrayed in the media is also at fault. Bducators can play an important role in childrenKs development by demonstrating basic civility. :odeling a respectful attitude and re0uiring students to be considerate of the rights and feelings of others help create a cooperative learning environment. %hen people treat others with respect, they feel better about themselves and develop self+confidence. %hen educators model courtesy, children can learn to be considerate of others. %hat else can educators do to instill manners in children4 ,. %hen possible, greet each child as they enter the classroom. $lso, send best wishes with them at the end of the day. /. Take pleasure in being their teacher, so that the children feel valued. 1. )ave children name examples of good manners and list them on the board. Then have them identify examples of rude behavior. #ivide the children into groups to make posters illustrating desirable and undesirable behaviors. These can be hung on the wall to remind children of appropriate conduct. 2. #iscuss socially acceptable behaviors. <ead the Kelly Bear Behavior book or other books that discuss appropriate conduct. 5. Teach, model, and post a respectful vocabulary such as J!lease,I JThank You,I JYouKre %elcome,I J(Nm sorry,I JBxcuse me,I .( like the way you .... J:ay (4I )ave students add to the list. 6. *all attention to the harm that thoughtless, unkind words and actions can cause. ;. Teach students to stand up for themselves and others if they are called derogatory names. =. $ssert that any form of bullying including gossiping, excluding, and aggression is unacceptable. 7See BducatorNs Duide to @ullying.8 >. Stress the importance of treating others the way you would like to be treated. )elp them learn to empathiCe with others by reading books such as Kelly Bear Feelings. ,?. Use role plays andAor puppets to reinforce positive behaviors. ,,. )ave the children practice a manner each week or monthE for example, raise their hands to receive permission to speak. <ole+play it, reinforce it, and review the last manner before adding a new one. 7See 5/ *haracter @uilding Thoughts for *hildren for some ideas.8 ,/. $cknowledge students when you see them acting in a kind or helpful manner by describing the specific behavior you observed 7see Bffective !raise8. ,1. )ave a bulletin board that promotes manners. %hen you observe a child being especially courteous, write down the action on a colorful card with the studentNs name at the top and post it. )ave students observe good manners in others, write down what they saw on a card, and add it to the board. ,2. Take pictures of children using good manners, have the students add text, and make a !ower!oint presentation for children in lower grades or parents to view. ,5. )ave the children write, illustrate, and publish a book on manners. Students might work in groups to brainstorm situations. They could create 0uestions for each page with several answer choices.

&or example, a child grabbed another childPs pencil. !ossible choices9 a. Drab it back. b. Scream, JStopGI c. Say, JThat is my pencil and ( need it back. !lease give it to me.I ,6. )ave the children create a song, poem or play about manners. ,;. )elp establish a school+wide JDood :anners !rogramI to include all sub'ect areas. $ music teacher could teach songs about manners. $n art teacher could have the children make posters depicting manners. $ physical education teacher could play games where children introduce themselves to each other, and a classroom teacher could have the students write thank you notes to adult classroom helpers, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, custodians, etc. ,=. $dvise children of behavioral expectations. *lassroom rules you may want to use9 @e respectful. @e responsible. @e kind. @e safe. 3isten and follow directions. #o your best. ,>. #epending on the age of the children, decide on the rules together with your students. #iscuss what needs to happen in the classroom for everyone to be able to learn. %rite the studentPs suggestions on large chart and hang it in the room. The students could also help you define conse0uences for inappropriate behaviors. /?. #uring work time, establish a classroom non+verbal signal to warn an individual student of inappropriate behavior. Stare at the child, and if necessary call out his or her name and then use your signal. &or example, hold your hand up in the stop position, lower your hand, or put your thumb down. Or, touch a student gently on the shoulder as a reminder of appropriate behavior. (f the child does not stop, administer a conse0uence. Students interru'tin a teacher are a problem in many classrooms. The following are some ideas concerning this behavior9 /,. Tell the children that you want them to get the most out of school so you will not allow them to be rude and to interrupt you when you are speaking. Say, J( am here to help you learnE therefore, you need to listen and follow instructions. ( am worried that you will be missing important information if you talk while ( am giving instructions. %hen ( am speaking, it is teacher time.I //. 3et them know that they will have Jstudent timeI to talk to each other when they are working in pairs or groups or at other designated times. /1. Tell them exactly what you expect of them and follow it up with conse0uences. (f children are talking when they are supposed to be silent, stop talking, stare, and do not start again until the room is 0uiet. (f you start to talk, and someone interrupts, then stop again. You may want to say something like, J( am waiting,I or move the disruptive child to another seat. $n additional idea is to make a mark on the board to indicate that the class will lose one minute of recess. %hen it is 0uiet, begin again. @e consistent in whatever classroom management plan you use. /2. Teach the students that when they hear a bell, chime or see your hand up, they are to stop talking, not move, and listen. 7See /5 %ays to Obtain *hildrenNs $ttention.8 Other manners that may be taught and practiced9

-ow to gi$e and recei$e a compliment *hild says9 J( like to play with you. (tNs funGI <esponse9 JThank you. ( like playing with you, too.I *hild says9 JYou play fairGI <esponse9 JThanks, ( try to follow the rules.I -ow to greet an adult 3ook them in the eye. Shake their hand. *hild says, J(tNs nice to meet you.I -ow to engage in polite con$ersation *hild asks, J)ow are you4I Show interest in what the other person is saying. #o not interrupt. #o not talk about embarrassing topics. -ow to beha$e during a meal Sit up straight in a chair. !ut the napkin in your lap. "eep your elbows off the table. %ait until everyone is served before eating. Take small bites. #o not talk with your mouth full. *hew your food with your mouth closed. #o not interrupt a speaker. Talk in a normal tone of voice. :ake eye contact when speaking. #o not play with food. Say J!lease pass theQQQQQQQQ,J rather than reach for an item. Say, JThank youI when appropriate. Say, JThe QQQQQQ was very good,I or give some other compliment to the host or hostess. Say, J:ay ( be excused, please4I and wait for consent before getting up from the table. School cafeterias are not conducive to using good table mannersE however, school staff need to encourage basic standards of behavior while eating. )elping children learn basic manners early will be an asset for them as they mature. The effort works best if appropriate behavior is emphasiCed throughout the school in con'unction with character education lessons. 7See @uilding *haracter in Students8.

#nderstandin .utis%
By Leah Davies, M.Ed. $utism is a complicated developmental disability that affects the way a person communicates and relates to others. Typically this brain disorder is diagnosed by the age of two or three. (t affects children worldwide from various races, ethnic and social groups. &amily income,

education andAor lifestyle do not seem to affect the prevalence of autism, but the disorder is more common in boys than girls. $utistic children often appear to be in a world of their own, oblivious to others. The way that they process and respond to information is different from what is considered normal. $ combination of characteristics for these children can vary on a complex spectrum from severe to mild. Therefore, children with the same diagnosis often exhibit significantly different behaviors. (n severe cases a person with autism will re0uire lifelong supervision. %hile autism is not considered a form of mental retardation, many autistic children appear to function at that low level. The following are some symptoms an autistic child may exhibit9 (nappropriate laughing or crying Temper outbursts, aggressiveness Bxtreme overactive or underactive behaviors #ifficulty interacting with other children (rritation at changes in routine 3ittle or no eye contact (nability to read body language or facial cues Destures to communicate (nability to express desires $bnormal speech patterns, such as repeating back what was said (nability to carry on a meaningful conversation Speaking out or making sounds at inappropriate times !rolonged unusual play &ixation on an ob'ect, such as spinning ob'ects $loofness, indifference Unresponsiveness to verbal re0uests <epetitive, self+stimulatory behavior, such as hand+flapping, rocking, head banging or finger snapping Self+mutilation 3ittle fear with insensitivity or oversensitivity to pain Overactive or underactive sensitivity to sounds, lights, touch or smells Unwillingness to be touched (mpaired gross andAor fine motor development Sensory integration problems Some autistic children have most of these characteristics, while others have only a few. The symptoms can vary in intensity and fre0uency. $lthough numerous research studies are underway, no known causes for autism have been established. $ variety of conditions affecting brain development before, during or after birth can contribute to a child developing autism. :ental illness in the family or inappropriate parenting are not considered causes for autism. Since there is no blood test or brain scan that can be used to determine the disorder at this time, diagnosis is based on observing a child s behavior.

Bven though there is currently no cure for autism, many autistic children can live successful lives. SpecialiCed education can reduce dysfunctional behaviors and increase the development of specific skills that can contribute to a child s 0uality of life. (n some cases medication can relieve various symptoms. $s the child develops and receives individualiCed instruction, characteristics of autism may diminishE however, children do not outgrow autism. &or information on various treatment approaches see @ehavioral and *ommunication $pproaches at www.autism+ society.org. $sperger s Syndrome is a high+functioning form of autism. (t describes children who are often preoccupied with a particular sub'ect and are average or above average in intelligence. *hildren with $sperger s Syndrome tend to think very literally. Their voice may be emotionless and their speech is sometimes repetitive andAor stilted. %hen conversing they often appear to be self+ centered and lack common sense. They may have unusually accurate memory for details and little interest in what others think. There is no specific treatment for children with $sperger s Syndrome. )owever, it should be noted that as adults, many persons identified as having the disorder are married, employed and lead productive, independent lives. Bducators are charged with helping autistic children reach their full potential by providing training in academics, and social, communication and motor skills. $n (ndividualiCed Bducational !lan 7(B!8 needs to be provided for an autistic child whose needs cannot be met in a regular classroom setting. $utistic children have difficulty learning outside of a structured environment with a small teacher+pupil ratio. )owever, as deemed appropriate, many autistic children can participate in some classroom activities and complete classroom assignments. Bach autistic child is uni0ue and must be considered as such. %henever possible, interacting with non+ disabled students is considered desirable. &amilies with an autistic child are often stressed. These children often re0uire constant supervision, understanding and care. !arents worry about leaving home and having their child s behavior misunderstood by othersE they fre0uently feel isolated and worry about the future care of their child. Siblings with an autistic brother or sister also experience stress due to embarrassment, frustration, 'ealousy, or anxiety. !art of an educator s role is to be knowledgeable of the special services available for parents of an autistic child. (n some states :edicaid and %aiver services are accessible to parents of severely autistic children. !arents can contact the #evelopmental #isabilities *ouncil in their state or their nearest Social Security Office to discover if they 0ualify for assistance. -etworking with other affected families may also be recommended.

0el'in Children Succeed

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. $ll children have basic needs that, if met, will facilitate success in school. Bvery child needs $T 3B$ST O-B $#U3T who is a positive role model. Bducators and other professionals can nurture this by demonstrating concern for each student, andAor by encouraging a parent, relative, or other prosocial adult to become involved in the childKs life. Bvery child needs TO &BB3 $**B!TB#.

Bducators and other professionals can advance this by treating each child fairly and by appreciating hisAher uni0ueness. !rovide opportunities for a childKs culture, exceptionality, or other differentiating characteristics to be acknowledged and valued. Bvery child needs <B*OD-(T(O-. Bducators and other professionals can promote this by taking time to discover each childKs strengths and help himAher build on them. &urnish opportunities for children to develop skills and talents. <ecogniCe and celebrate small accomplishments such as9 running fast, getting a high grade, drawing well, playing ball, singing a song, controlling ones temper, or acting in a play. $cknowledge all successes. Share accomplishments with a parent in person, via phone, or through notes. Bvery child needs $ SB-SB O& @B3O-D(-D. Bducators and other professionals can foster this by building a community in which everyone contributes and feels a part. *ultivate cooperation rather than competition and compassion rather than thoughtlessness. %ork closely within the school andAor community to support meaningful opportunities for children to share their time, talents, and goods with others. Bvery child needs TO &BB3 S$&B $-# SB*U<B. Bducators and other professionals can help a child feel protected by providing a structured, predictable environment that is free from harassment. <ealiCe that for a child to thrive, adults in hisAher life must be responsive to their needs. (f abuse is present in the home, take the steps necessary to protect the child. Bvery child needs SO:B *O-T<O3 over hisAher environment. Bducators and other professionals can further this by sharing power with students, thus demonstrating adult interest and respect. !rovide opportunities for students to make decisions regarding rules and activities. Bvery child needs SO*($3 (-TB<$*T(O- S"(33S. Bducators and other professionals can help children develop these by role playing and by encouraging friendships with peers through group work. Supply cross+age interaction during school. &or example, have older students present programs, tutor, or lead discussions with younger children. Offer a variety of activities, organiCations, clubs, andAor interest groups that foster social competence. Bvery child needs TO $**B!T <BS!O-S(@(3(TY for hisAher behavior. Bducators and other professionals can foster responsible choices by holding students accountable for the decisions they make. Teach decision+making skills through discussion, role playing, and by providing opportunities for children to use problem+solving skills.

0el'in Children Co'e 1ith Worries

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. Since children s worries often interfere with their learning, it is helpful to understand their concerns. ( asked 1/? third graders to list one or two things they think about when they can not sleep. The results indicate that children today are anxious about the following9

One hundred and twenty+four children wrote that they worried about their mom or dad never being home, being sick or hurt, dying, coming home late, being mad, working too hard, living in another state, being sad, having an accident, getting in fights, doing something bad, being lost, wrecking the house, hitting them, ignoring them, running away, or getting a divorce. The most poignant comment was, J:y first mom smothered my little brother because she was on drugs.I $nother child wrote, J( have not seen my dad in six years. ( think he does not care for me.I Bighty+four children reported worrying about their brother, sister or grandparent dying or getting sick, lost, or hurt, or having to go to the hospital. $ solemn statement was, J:y brother died of crib death.I One child wrote, J( worry about my brother because he does what the crowd does and he might take drugs.I $nother stated, J:y sister was in a car accident and ( thought she was going to die.I &orty+two children wrote about nighttime when they have scary dreams about movies they had seen. They reported having nightmares of monsters or ghosts hiding under their bed or in the closet and killing them with a knife. One wrote, J%hen ( go to sleep itKs going to come out and kill me.I Thirty+three worried about their pets feeling bad, being sick or hurt, or dying. $ child stated, J:y dog died and it keeps me from doing my work and from sleeping at night.I Twenty+nine worried about school. They wrote about failing, not getting their work finished, getting bad grades, and about their teacher not liking them. Bleven children reported worrying about friends being sad, hurt, taking their toys, hurting them, picking on them, refusing to play with them. Other worries listed ten or less times concerned robbers trying to kill them or their familyE themselves getting sick, hurt, lost, or dyingE relatives getting hurt or dyingE fire or tornadoesE snakes or spidersE sick or crippled peopleE poor people who have no food or clothes. )ow can we help children cope with their worries so that they will be ready to learn4 !rovide a place where each child feels valued, safe and secure.

Offer opportunities for children to write down or discuss their concerns or feelings. Take time to listen and respond with compassion. Bncourage the children to make healthy living choices including eating healthy food and saying JnoI to tobacco or alcohol. Stress the importance of getting enough rest and sleep each night. Teach them friendship skills, so that they can develop supportive peer relationships.

)elp the children understand that some circumstances *$--OT be changed, so they must be accepted, like death, divorce, or illness. )elp them identify things they *$change. Teach them relaxation techni0ues like slow, deep breathing, counting backwards, or tensing the body and then relaxing. #iscuss positive coping skills like walking, playing, exercising, 'umping rope, reading, resting, writing down or telling someone their problems. Teach them to use positive self+talk like9 JBveryone feels good and bad, now and then.I JBven though ( make mistakes, ( can do many things well.I J-obodyKs life is perfectE everyone has problems.I JBveryone makes mistakes, but what is important is to keep trying.I JSince ( only have one body, ( am going to take care of it.I J%orrying does not help, so ( will think of good things.I

JSince ( care about me, ( will make good choices.I !rovide opportunities for them to talk about the future in a positive light, picture themselves being successful, and set goals. BmphasiCe that their 'ob is to work hard in school, be prepared, responsible, honest, tenacious, and cooperative. Stress that with an education and positive character traits, they can fulfill their dreams.

0el'in Children Co'e a!ter a 2atural Disaster

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. )elping children overcome emotional problems in the wake of a disaster is a considerable task for parents, teachers, and mental health professionals. :ost children have similar fears after a tragic occurrence9 that the event will happen again, that someone they love will be hurt or die, and that they may be left alone. &irst and foremost, all children must have their basic needs met. They need food, clothing, shelter, and to feel safe with someone who cares about them. $ssuming that these needs have been met, as well as any health issues addressed, there are actions adults can take to alleviate childrenKs anxiety. *hildrenKs reactions to a disaster depend upon what was experienced and upon their previous living situation. *hildren are especially vulnerable if they had a recent family disruption or their lives were chaotic. )aving to flee from ones home and leaving all possessions behind are difficult enough, but having a home destroyed and fearing for ones life can be devastating. (f a childKs loved one died in a disaster, see )elping *hildren *ope with 3oss.

%hen family members become anxious and frightened, a child s fear is magnified. %hen possible, adults need to deal with the situation in a way that will help children avoid a permanent sense of loss. $dults need to support each other so that they can be emotionally available for their children. %hen they cope well under extremely difficult conditions, there is a good chance the children will make a positive ad'ustment. Support for these children is necessary to avoid long+term emotional harm. (f some of the following symptoms are extreme andAor continue for months, a child will most likely need professional help. @irth to $ge Six *hildren who are too young to speak cannot describe their feelings, but they may remember sights, sounds, or odors from a disaster. They often react by being irritable. !reschool children are especially vulnerable to fears of being abandoned. These children believe that outcomes are reversible and they expect everything to return as it was before. Some common reactions for children in this age range are9 *linging, crying, whimpering, andAor screamingE &ollowing a parent everywhereE <efusing to be left aloneE @eing fearful of darkness or animalsE )aving sleep disturbances or loss of appetiteE 3osing bladder or bowel controlE Stuttering or other speech problemsE Trembling or being unable to moveE Bxhibiting regressive behaviors such as bed+wetting and thumb+suckingE <efusing to go places that remind them of the place where the traumatic event occurredE and <ecreating parts of the devastation in their play. %hat can be done to help these children4 !rovide reassurance through your words and actions that you love them and will take care of them. @e available to touch, hug and give attention. *reate a bedtime ritual. $ccept their need to sleep near an adult. *ontinue family routines as much as possible. $llow them to engage in make+believe play related to the disaster. 3isten to the children express their thoughts and feelings concerning the event. 7-ote9 <eading the "elly @ear &eelings book helps children verbaliCe their emotions.8 @e understanding and sympathetic. Spend extra time together as a family. Blementary $ge These children understand that changes can be permanent. They may become preoccupied with the details of the disaster or exhibit fears that seem unrelated to it. Some common reactions of children ages seven to eleven are9 @eing withdrawnE Bxpressing irrational fearsE

@eing irritableE )aving angry outburstsE )aving sleep disturbances such as nightmares, night terrors and bed+wettingE @eing competitive with siblingsE (solating him or herselfE <efusing to attend schoolE @eing disoriented andAor easily confusedE Bxhibiting poor concentration and school performanceE 3osing interest in activitiesE Bxpressing physical complaints such as headaches, stomach aches or diCCinessE and @eing depressed, anxious, or emotionally numb. %hat can be done to help these children4 @e sympathetic, patient and accepting. @e non+'udgmental if they exhibit regressive behaviors. !rovide a routine and structure. :onitor television viewing that may be frightening to them. <elax expectations. Understand their need to be sad and cry without shame. )elp them feel in control by encouraging them to make some decisions. Bncourage them to discuss what happened, but do not insist that they discuss it. 7-ote9 (nstead of saying, J)ow do you feel4I say something like, I%hat do you think other children your age are worrying about4I The latter 0uestions is easier for children to answer.8 !rovide an opportunity for them to see their friends. $llow them to act out the disaster through their play. )elp them think about what they can do to feel more comfortable. )elp them identify triggers that may cause them distress, i.e. aromas, storms, specific places, etc. Bxplore things they can do or say to themselves to relieve their anxiety. @e honest and realistic when discussing the future but be as reassuring as possible. #iscuss safety measures to be taken in case of a future disaster. Bncourage them to participate in family recovery pro'ects. !readolescentA$dolescent &or these students it is necessary to provide opportunities for peers to share their reactions. They need to know that their fears are normal. Their reactions tend to resemble those of adults, yet they may also react in a childlike manner. The symptoms of possible problems for this age student include9 )aving intense emotions and being unwilling to discuss them with their family. )aving appetite and sleep disturbancesE Bxperiencing flashbacks or nightmaresE Bxhibiting physical problems such as rashes, digestion problems, asthma or weight gain or lossE

)aving psychosomatic symptoms such as headachesE Bxpressing fear of leaving homeE $voiding any reminders of the disasterE &eeling guilty for not doing moreE %ithdrawing and losing interest in school andAor peer interactionsE $voiding school and academic workE )aving a decreased energy levelE &eeling indifferent, agitated, hopeless andAor depressedE )aving suicidal thoughtsE <ebelling against rulesE &eeling immortal and exhibiting risk taking behaviorsE Using alcohol or other drugsE and Bxhibiting delin0uent behavior. %hat can be done to help these students4 )elp them feel in control by having them make some decisions. <eassure them that they did all they could at the time. &acilitate a group of peers to discuss the disaster. &oster participation in social activities andAor athletics with peers. !rovide extra attention and comforting. !rovide a routine but be flexible. <elax expectations for a time. Bncourage participation in rebuilding efforts. Seek professional help.

$dditional %ays Teachers and School !ersonnel *an $ssist These Students 1. Take time to prepare yourself emotionally, especially if the disaster affected you personally. 2. @e aware that any child who watched news coverage of the disaster can become a .secondary victim. and can suffer emotional and physical problems even if they live away from the disaster. 3. @e sensitive to cultural differences among children. 4. 3et children know that it is normal to feel upset and fearful after being exposed to a tragedy. 5. !rovide an opportunity for children who want to talk about the event to express their thoughts and feelings. 6. <espect the right of some children to avoid any discussion. 7. $void repeated dialogue concerning the event that may be disturbing to some children. 8. $nswer their 0uestions with honesty, yet be brief using words that children easily understand. 9. Speak in hopeful terms. 10. <eassure the students that the event is over and that adults will do everything possible to keep them safe.

11. !rovide peer buddies for these children. 12. !rovide an organiCed classroom that can serve as a safe haven. 13. Understand that some of these children may be extremely angry, withdrawn or sad. 14. @e aware of triggers that may cause distress such as certain aromas, activities, or storms

that they may associate with the disaster. 15. <ealiCe that it will take time for the students to ad'ust. 16. (f deemed appropriate share stories of disasters that demonstrate resiliency and that have resulted in a return to a Jnew normal.I 17. Offer opportunities for children to draw pictures of their choosing and perhaps pictures that represent their future hopes. 18. $ school counselor or team of mental health professionals may want to lead discussions with children in classrooms or in small groups. 7-ote9 if the children are unresponsive, ask them to write down their feelings or 0uestions anonymously, pass them to the front and then read and discuss them as a group.8 19. School counselors may want to use drama, puppets, art, play, books, creative writing, photography, music, discussions or games to help these children learn ways to cope with their emotions and anxieties. (ndividual counseling may also be offered. 20. )old a meeting for parents to discuss the disaster, to share concerns about their childrenR?x#5s reactions and to explore ways school personal and parents can work together for benefit of the students. 21. (f feasible, add support staff during, before, and after school. 22. %hen possible help connect families to community resources. @ring agencies into the school that can deal with needs related to housing, finances, and insurance. Usually childrenKs symptoms following a disaster dissipate as the they ad'ust to new surroundings, but a few children will develop severe, persistent problems or !ost+Traumatic Stress #isorder 7!TS#8. 7See BducatorKs Duide to !ost+Traumatic Stress #isorder in *hildren.8 *hronic symptoms may appear soon after the event, or may surface several months or even years later. $dults should be alert to serious variations in studentKs behavior. (n which case, professional treatment by a child or adolescent psychiatrist or a therapist who specialiCes in disaster counseling will be needed.

3uidelines !or Con!erences Concernin .n ry Children

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. $n angry child is a hurting child who needs help. $ parent conference is a first step in understanding what is best for the child. !rovide sufficient time to establish a respectful relationship with the parent and to foster open communication.
Questions To Be Answered Prior To Conference 1. What do the child's records indicate? 2. What are the child's strengths and weaknesses? 3. What is my greatest concern about this student? 4. Are there any specific home activities I want to suggest? Goals 1. To create a cooperative relationship with the parent(s) guardian or caregiver! 2. To foster increased school"home communication!

3. To encourage positive parent"child interactions! 4. To clarify and agree upon actions to be taken! Setting 1. #se a private room that is free from distractions! 2. #se chairs of e$ual si%e with no furniture between you and the parent(s)! 3. &it beside each other rather than directly across from each other! 4. Take a pencil and paper plus information on parenting classes mental health facilities and parenting handouts found under '(arent Tips' at www!kellybear!com! Procedures 1. )reet the parent! 2. *omment positively on the child by enthusiastically naming at least one strength! 3. +ind out what the parent is thinking and feeling about this"her child! ,ou might ask o 'In order to help --------- learn I need to know as much as possible about him"her! Tell me about -------------!' 4. .isten and reflect upon the feelings e/pressed! (Telling a parent about a problem behavior at this point will probably not be effective!) 5. If the parent does not comment you might ask about the child's activities at home! +or e/ample you could say one or more of the following0 o 'Tell me about a typical day!' o 'What usually happens when ----------- gets up?' o 'What does ------------ usually do when he"she gets home from school?' o 'What does ------------- en1oy doing?' o 'What does ------------- en1oy doing with other family members?' o 'What do you and ---------- en1oy doing together?' Then listen without interruption! 6. 2efrain from giving direct advice concerning the child! (&uggestions of changes the parent could make need to grow out of a mutual discussion!) 7. 3e aware of sensitive issues and avoid critici%ing and"or embarrassing the parent! 8. 2emember that arguing with a parent is counterproductive and decreases cooperation! If the parent blames you for the child's misbehavior 45 65T become defensive! Instead pause and say '7!----------- we both want what is best for ------------!' 9. If the parent states that he"she will try to engage in a new positive behavior reinforce it! o +or e/ample if he"she says '7aybe I need to spend more time with him"her!' 5r '7aybe we could read more together!' ,ou might say 'That's an e/cellent idea! 2eading to a child or listening to a child read can greatly enhance the child's academic as well as his"her emotional development! What time would work best for you?'

Try to help the parent be specific! Then reiterate and continue to reinforce A6, positive idea! 10. 65W is the time to e/press your concerns about the child! o ,ou may want to begin by saying 'We have the same goal! We care about ---------- and want him"her to succeed in school and in life!' o Then be specific about concerns8 for e/ample 'Although we have been working on getting along with each other ----------- often pushes hits or kicks other children for no apparent reason! I was wondering what concerns you have?' o Then listen with empathy trying to sort out reasons for the child's behavior! If the parent says '6one he"she is perfect at home!' &ay '7!----------- I care about ------------! I need your help!' Then wait! o If no response say '9ave you noticed A6,T9I6) that could help e/plain his"her behavior?' Wait again! 11. At this point the parent will most likely see you as a person who is concerned about his"her child! ,ou can bring up issues such as television viewing or any other suspicions you consider a possible contributor to the violent behavior! o &ay something like ' -------- seems to talk a lot about T: characters! I was wondering if television viewing could be influencing his"her behavior!' Then listen and reinforce positive actions! 12. If considered appropriate share parenting handouts and"or information on shelters or mental health facilities! 13. Involve the parent in a discussion of ways you both will deal with the child's behavior at home and at school! 14. *omment on what you will try to do differently emphasi%ing that to be successful you need to work closely together! 15. Then ask the parent what he"she will try to do to help the child at home! 16. 2eview the things that each of you agreed to do! +or e/ample0 o Teacher0 'I will give more attention to ----------- when he"she is behaving appropriately commenting specifically on the approved behavior! I will spend time teaching him"her to release his anger in appropriate ways like putting it into words drawing sitting alone and gaining control of him"herself by breathing deeply or by counting slowly!' o (arent0 'I will read a book with ----------- each night! I will take the television out of --------------'s room!' ,ou may want to write the goals down and share a copy with the parent! 17. Ask if the parent has any $uestions! 18. 4iscuss times when each is most available to confer on the child's progress! 4ecide on a method to maintain contact such as notes phone calls or another conference! 4ecide when and how you will communicate again! 19. Thank the parent for coming and close the conference with an encouraging statement!

20. If the problem is beyond your scope of e/pertise seek additional professional assistance!

0el'in Children Co'e 1ith Loss

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. The death of a parent, family member, friend or even a pet can be devastating to a child. !arental separation, divorce, relocation, illness or accident may be traumatic as well. Yet, there are actions school counselors and teachers can take to help children cope with loss. %hen working with hurting children, remember, they do not .get over. a significant loss, instead they learn how to live with it
How can you help? 1. Acknowledge a child's grief through kind words gentle actions and unconditional su!!ort. "hene#er !ossi$le coordinate with the fa%il& so that the child recei#es consistent %essages. 'el! the !arent see that !rotecting the child fro% the truth can ha#e negati#e conse(uences like increasing confusion fear and resent%ent. )ogether hel! the child face realit& $& using si%!le straightforward language like *'e died * not *'e has gone to slee! * or *+he's gone awa&.* 2. +how understanding $& $eing co%!assionate and offering &our cal% silent !resence. ,f the child shares an e%otion reflect and #alidate it $& restating the feeling. -or e.a%!le sa& *)hat was #er& sad.* +a&ing *, know how &ou feel * is not hel!ful $ecause one can ne#er trul& know the !ain of another. /se $ooks and work$ooks which deal with loss in hel!ful wa&s. 3. 0eassure the child that feelings of shock sadness loneliness anger an.iet& fear and guilt are nor%al reactions to grief. 1.!ect so%e new $eha#iors and !ro#ide a safe e%otional outlet for negati#e feelings. )hese %a& include tearing u! old %aga2ines !unching a !illow scri$$ling on !a!er !ounding cla& or $locks writing down feelings &elling or cr&ing. 3et the child know that it is natural to feel angr& $ut it is not oka& to hurt others. 4. 4ro#ide o!!ortunities for the child to !artici!ate in acti#ities designed to hel! in the healing !rocess. )hese %a& include5 writing reading telling stories creating crafts !lanting !lants %aking a %e%or& $ook or treasure $o. !a&ing tri$ute !artici!ating in rituals. 5. Acce!t that each child's e.!erience with loss is uni(ue6 the reaction can $e intense as well as s!oradic. A grie#ing child often needs to take a $reak and engage in !la& acti#ities since e%otions concerning loss are so !owerful. As a child !asses through life's de#elo!%ental stages these feelings often resurface. Atte%!ts to hurr& the healing !rocess can $e detri%ental. 6. 4ro#ide a su!!ort grou! for $erea#ed children who are facing si%ilar circu%stances. )he grou! can !ro#ide acce!tance co%!anionshi! and an en#iron%ent where e%otions and concerns can $e freel& e.!ressed. ,f !rolonged !eriods of change in a child's te%!era%ent eating slee!ing and7or interests occur additional !rofessional attention %a& $e re(uired.

0el'in Children Co'e 1ith School Transitions

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. *hildren report that moving, leaving friends, and changing grades, schools or classes can cause great anxiety. Transitions for some students result in academic difficulties, socialAemotional problems, decline in self+concept, poor motivation, decreased attendance, and increased dropout rates. Since schools are charged with helping children become well+ad'usted citiCens, school personnel have an important role in assisting students adaptation to change. %hen children enter a school, they are confronted by standards of behavior, teacher expectations, and social pressure to fit in with their peers. *hildren who are different in any way often have difficulty ad'usting to new environments. )yperactive and special needs children may find conforming difficult and may re0uire individual consideration. *hildren who do not speak the predominant language used at school have an additional challenge to overcome. Transitional periods are also opportunities for growth if children have learned coping skills and are given an opportunity to understand and adapt to their new environment. (deally, a transition team is composed of school counselors, teachers, administrators, parents and students. They collaborate, plan and support student transitions by acknowledging student concerns and by creating a sense of belonging in the new environment. Some strategies for helping children cope with change are as follows9 !rovide parents and students with a clearly written handbook in their language concerning school regulations, policies, procedures, parent involvement, classes, study skills, and other details.

Since many parents can access the (nternet, furnish a school website with basic information. (t could include a virtual tour of the school, procedures for enrolling, registration forms for new students, and other facts to help children transition more easily. Dreet visitors with a welcome sign and have student art work displayed throughout the building. Offer school tours for new students and their parents by individuals who are enthusiastic and knowledgeable about the school, classes and activities. (n the spring preceding a ma'or school move, have the younger students write 0uestions regarding the new setting. Then ask older students to participate in a panel discussion of the concerns. Or, have older students visit each lower classroom to share what the next year will be like and to answer 0uestions. Oarious formats may be used, but the chosen plan needs to provide younger children with an opportunity to share their fears and to hear encouraging responses to them. Thus, they can build favorable expectations during the summer months. !rovide a new school orientation program or open house for children and parents. (nclude staff introductions, curriculum and scheduling information, school procedures, student

expectations, disciplinary actions, and other pertinent policies. $ !ower !oint or video presentation may be included along with a tour of the school and a 0uestion and answer session.

Often student orientation programs occur during an assembly at the beginning of the school year. Or they may be held for a day or more prior to school starting. <epresentatives from clubs and organiCations are asked to describe their group in some uni0ue way. (n addition, an orientation program may incorporate activities that enhance students social skills and promote a sense of community. Structure your school environment to build student cohesiveness through the use of team+teaching and small group cooperative learning experiences. Using this model, students cooperate by working together on academic tasks to help themselves and their peers learn. "eep parents informed through newsletters, parent conferences and other means. &urnish information on ways they can assist in their child s adaptation to new school situations 7see !arent $rticle )elping Your *hild *ope with School Transitions8. Teach children positive coping skills to use when dealing with stressful situations. )ave them act out difficult circumstances and problem+solve ways to help themselves through adversity. Offer programs, activities and curricula such as the "elly @ear *.$.<.B.S. !rogram for five+ to nine+year+old students. *reate a student monitoring, peer helper or buddy program consisting of children chosen from various groups who are taught to be role models for younger children. The training may consist of one or two days before school starts or at other times. The children participate in role plays, exercises, games, and discussions that increase team and empathy building. Their roles will vary, but they can include greeting younger children or new students, conducting school tours, answering 0uestions, introducing new students to peers, providing social support throughout the year, andAor mediating peer problems. 7See &inding Solutions Through !eer :ediation.8 )ave school counselors meet with groups of new students to welcome them. $ discussion may include where the students attended school last, how it felt to leave their school, what they miss about it, what they like about the new one, what the school rules are, how they differ from other school rules, etc. #epending on the age of the children and siCe of the school, counselors may take photos of new students or have them make an .about me. picture to hang under a welcome sign. $ month later, the pictures may be returned, thus providing a opportunity to interact with the children and note how they are doing. :onitor new student s adaptation and identify those who are struggling. <efer them for individual counseling or to groups that promote school ad'ustment. @esides the traditional methods for helping children learn coping skills, other ideas may include having them create a handbook for new students, or write and produce skits or a video designed to answers 0uestions new students have.

E!!ective Co%%unication
By Leah Davies, M.Ed. @eing able to communicate is vital to being an effective educator. *ommunication not only conveys information, but it encourages effort, modifies attitudes, and stimulates thinking. %ithout it, stereotypes develop, messages become distorted, and learning is stifled. *ommunication is the process of understanding and sharing information where listening plays an important role. (ntrapersonal or internal communication includes planning, problem solving, self+ talk, and evaluation of self and others. (t is a continuous process that prepares the speaker to proceed in a clear and concise manner. (nterpersonal communication is sharing meaning between oneself and at least one other person. The goal of interpersonal communication is to send relevant and ob'ective messages. %e communicate with others, not only verbally, but by how we act. Since we are constantly sending messages, we need to be aware of our appearance, gestures, posture, eye contact, use of space, body movement, what we carry with us, how close we stand or sit to others, and our facial expressions. %hen what we say contradicts our nonverbal behavior, mistrust and confusion results because listeners believe what they see. Bxamples of incongruence between our nonverbal communication and what we say are9 $ teacher frowns and says to a student9 .( am pleased you are in my class.. $n administrator says as heAshe looks at a clock9 .:y door is always open.. $ teacher scowls and says to a parent9 .Hohnny is such a delightG. %e must be honest as we attempt to be effective communicators. 3istening is the process of receiving and interpreting a message. (t occupies more of our time than talking, reading, or writing. %e often forget or misinterpret more than half of what we hear. The reasons human beings are inefficient listeners are because9 1. %e think more rapidly than someone else can talk, so we spend time daydreaming or thinking of what we are going to say next. 2. %e do not want to grapple with difficult material. 3. %e are close+minded to the message. 4. %e 'ump to conclusions before we hear the entire message. 5. %e let things distract us. 3istening re0uires active participation and energy. (t is the responsibility of both the speaker and the listener make sure that the message was understood. There are five phases of the listening process. 1. Dive attention. 2. !hysically hear the message. 3. $ssign meaning to it. 4. Bvaluate it against past experience. 5. <emember it.

(f the process goes amiss at any point, communication has not taken place. Bffective communication skills that build a positive school environment are self+awarenessE sending direct, complete, relevant, congruent messagesE listeningE using feedback and being aware of what we are communicating nonverbally. *ommunication is not only understanding and acknowledgement, it is agreement and commitment. $s educational leaders, we know we are effective communicators if those with whom we work have a positive attitude toward each other, their students and their school.

.ssertiveness Trainin !or Children

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. Bducators want children to be able to stand up for themselves and learn to interact well with their peers. Teaching them to be assertive and self+confident, as opposed to being aggressive or submission, contributes to their social and emotional development. *hildren who are aggressive blame, name call, threaten or fight with their peers. They are combative because they often lack social skills. These children need to learn better ways to interact with others or they will continually have difficulty developing positive relationships7see BducatorKs Duide to @ullying8. (f children are submissive, they may become targets for bullies. These children need to be taught that it is okay to say JnoI if a child or adult attempts to harm them with words or deeds. They need to be able to identify their feelings, learn how to express themselves, and believe that they have rights. The more children trust and value themselves, the more likely they will be able to avoid bullying.
'ow can educators hel! children learn to $e asserti#e8

,. Teach the difference among aggressive, submissive and assertive remarks. &or example9

Aggressi#e 9$eing %ean:5 ;<i#e %e that $ook or &ou=re going to get it>? +u$%issi#e 9$eing weak:5 ;@ou can ha#e %& $ook. , don=t need it.? Asserti#e 9$eing strong:5 ;,=% reading this $ook now. @ou %a& ha#e it when ,=% finished.?

/. )ave them practice looking a bully in the eye and saying J-oGI with a strong voice 7see Teaching *hildren <efusal Skills8. They could also state what they want. &or example, J-o, ( want you to leave me alone,I or J-o, ( need to do my work.I 1. Bxplain that they have a choice of how to respond to another personKs comments or to situations 7see :aking *hoices $ctivity8. 2. Teach children how to ask for something 7see /2 (deas for (nstilling :anners in *hildren8. &or example, J:ay ( have that book when youKre finished4I and how to respond to re0uests in a polite manner, JYou may have it after me.I
;,* Aessages

Teach children that if they are physically threatened or feel afraid they need to tell an adult 7see Tattling Oersus <eporting8. )owever, encourage them to work out other relationship problems themselves. Bxplain that the use of J( messagesI helps children deal with their difficulties in an

assertive way. (t may be necessary to provide a lesson on identifying feelings 7see"elly @ear &eelings book8 prior to teaching the following J( messageI format9

, feel ... 9state the feeling: when &ou ... 9descri$e the action: $ecause , ... 9sa& wh&:

Optional last sentence9 ( wantAneed or would like you to ... 7say what would make things better8. &or example, J( feel angry when you take my book without asking, because ( donKt do that to youG ( need you to stop taking my things.I Bxplain that when children begin a statement with J(I rather than JYou,I they are standing up for themselves and are being assertive rather than mean or aggressive. Tell them that sending an J( messageI is a way to let others know how they feel. $n J( messageI does not 'udge, attack or cause annoyance like a JYou message.I Then, place the J(. message format on the board and have the children form J(. messages in response to some of the following situations9

A child is ignored at the lunch ta$le. 9;, feel sad when &ou won=t talk to %e $ecause , thought we were friends.?: A child is told he7she %ust gi#e u! his snack or $e $eaten u!. 9;, feel angr& when &ou threaten %e $ecause that=s not how we are su!!osed to act at school.?: A child=s friend is !estering hi%. 9, feel frustrated when &ou kee! $othering %e $ecause , can=t get %& work done.: A child told a friend that his dad gets drunk a lot and the friend told all of the other children a$out it. 9;, feel disa!!ointed that &ou told !eo!le a$out %& dad=s drinking $ecause , thought , could trust &ou>?: A child was !ur!osel& tri!!ed and the other children laughed. 9;, feel e%$arrassed when &ou laugh at %e $ecause no$od& likes to $e %ade fun of.?: A child is left out of !la&. 9;, feel unha!!& when &ou won=t let %e !la& $ecause , let &ou !la& when &ou ask. , want to !la& with &ou.?: A child has $een called a $ad na%e. 9;, feel %ad when &ou call %e that $ecause , don=t call &ou or an&one else $ad na%es. , need &ou to sto! it>?: A child loaned a class%ate a %echanical !encil and he7she would not return it. 9;, feel u!set when &ou won=t return %& !encil $ecause , got it for %& $irthda& and it=s s!ecial to %e. , would like &ou to gi#e it $ack.?: A child is teased a$out $eing a slow learner. 9, feel discouraged when &ou tease %e a$out getting $ad grades $ecause , a% tr&ing to do %& $est. , want &ou to sto! %aking fun of %e>?:

Bxamples with the optional last sentence9

)ave two puppets demonstrate JYouI and J(. messages. &or example, if Sam told a lie about Todd cheating, a JYou. message Todd might say is,JYou are a stupid liarG ( didnKt cheatGI Then have a puppet respond to the same situation with an J(. message. Todd could say, J( felt terrible when ( heard that you said ( cheated, because ( would never tell a lie about youGI You could have the other puppet respond with, J(Km sorry ( told that lie. ( was 'ust angry because you were playing with someone else. (Kll tell those kids you didnKt cheat.I You may also want to divide the students into pairs and have them practice saying J(. messages concerning problem situations you have observed 7see &inding Solutions Through !eer

:ediation8. $fterwards, state that an J(. message can be used to express positive feelings, as well. &or example, J( am so excited about getting to play with you after school because we have a lot of fun together.I <emind the children that being agreeable and letting other children have their way at times is also a needed skill. &or example, if a childKs friend seems to want to talk about something important, the other child could put aside hisAher thoughts and 'ust listen. @eing flexible is desirable since the J( feel... when you... because (...I format will not fit all situations. @eing assertive rather than aggressive or submissive takes practice and effort. )elping children learn to make assertive, confident statements concerning their feelings and desires will enhance their peer relationships and help create a more positive classroom atmosphere.

The Essential S"ill o! Sel!$Control

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. Self+control is restraint practiced over one s own emotions, impulses, or desires. (t is the ability to make positive choices, to think before acting. %ithout self+control, students say and do things impulsively which often leads to trouble. *hildren need to be taught to pause and think of the conse0uences that may result from their various behaviors. (t is critical for educators to model self+discipline. &or example, if you feel yourself losing control of your class, you may want to take a deep breath and calmly say, .%hen you talk out+of+ turn, ( feel frustrated because ( can t hear what each one of you has to say.. @y controlling your own words and actions, you are demonstrating to your students a healthy way to react to stress. )elping children learn to engage in self+talk increases their self+control. &or example, if a child gets hit, he or she needs to stop, think and evaluate before hitting back. The student might say to him or herself9 (f ( hit him, he ll hit me and we ll get into a fight. ( might get hurt or ( might hurt him. ( might be sent to the office or get expelled. :y parents may have to come to school. ( m not going to let him get me in trouble. ( don t know what his problem is, but ( m going to stay away from him. ( ll choose to do the smart thing and walk away. 5ther coping skills include taking deep breaths counting slowly drawing a picture or writing down feelings talking to someone or asking for help! *hildren who are rebellious and lack self;control are often unable to empathi%e with another child's feelings or point of view! They may misinterpret ambiguous social situations as being hostile! When they feel upset they may provoke others rather than think of positive alternatives like playing with someone else or choosing another activity! These children often do not understand that their anger is a secondary emotion that results from feeling misunderstood hurt re1ected afraid embarrassed or frustrated! In addition they may have the distorted view that their aggressive behavior makes them seem tough and admired while peers often consider them mean! An educator's

responsibility is to help dispel their illusions and teach self;control by e/ample and through a variety of methods! The following are some ways to help children understand themselves and gain self; control! Throughout these e/ercises mention that0 <ach child is in charge of his"her own thoughts feelings and behavior! The only person a child can change is him or herself! 6obody is perfect8 everyone makes mistakes! 1. 9ave one child at a time come to the front and demonstrate a feeling! 9ave the other children name it! Then discuss or make a list on the board of the possible reasons a child might e/perience the feeling!
2. Ask the students to name positive coping skills they use when they feel angry

sad lonely or have another negative feeling! &ome e/amples might include positive self;talk talking to a friend reading a book looking at pictures e/ercising telling an adult writing about the feeling etc!
3. </plain that anger often results from feeling misunderstood hurt re1ected afraid

embarrassed or frustrated! 9ave the children draw a picture about a time when they felt out;of;control and identify the feeling beneath their anger! After they are finished carefully pair the children and have them tell each other about their picture! &tress the importance of children listening respectfully to each other!
4. 9ave students write down their various reactions to typical problem situations like

pushing spreading rumors cheating and name;calling! As a group have them brainstorm possible conse$uences of these behaviors! ,ou may want to have the students role play helpful responses to these problem behaviors!
5. 4escribe emotionally intense interactions between children! Ask them for

e/amples of positive self;talk to defuse or deal with each one! +or e/ample what if someone said to a child '6obody likes you!' What could the child say to him or herself? o '&he's wrong! I do have friends!' o 'I can do many things well! I won't let her upset me!' o 'I am a lovable person!' o 'I will be kind to everyone!' o 'I am in charge of my thoughts feelings and behaviors!' Then ask the children to name self;defeating thoughts! +or e/ample0 o 'There is no use in trying because I'll never have friends!' o 'I can't do anything right!' o 'I'm worthless!' o '5thers will always pick on me!' o 'I don't deserve to be happy!'

6. 9ave the children brainstorm traits of students with and without self;control! (ut

the answers on posters for future reference! This activity and the resulting posters serve to reinforce positive behaviors and support self;appraisal!
7. To increase children's self;awareness and motivation have them think about their

future and write or draw what they do well and what they want to be or do when they grow up! 9ave the students share their goals with the class!
8. Teach calming e/ercises by practicing them together! &top take a deep breath

hold it to the count of five e/hale and then repeat as needed! Also ask the children to tense their bodies and count slowly to five rela/ing as they count! (rovide a $uiet place for an out;of;control child to calm him or herself! <emember that teaching children self+control is an ongoing process. @e attentive to small accomplishments. *omment and encourage peers to notice when a child demonstrates self+ control. (f educators continually look for opportunities to help students gain control of themselves and stop inappropriate behaviors, they will be contributing to children s future success and to a positive school climate. &or further information on self+control, check out the new "elly @ear violence prevention videos to be released in :arch of /??/9 "elly @ear Teaches $bout @ullying, "elly @ear Teaches $bout <esolving #isputes, "elly @ear Teaches $bout Self+*ontrol. You can also read the following articles listed on the "elly @ear TeacherA*ounselor Tips page9 )elping *hildren *ope with $nger Bducator s Duide to @ullying Solutions Through !eer :ediation Duidelines for Bducator+!arent *onferences *oncerning $ngry *hildren

Readin .loud to Students

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. 3istening comprehension is vitally important if students are to achieve reading comprehension. *hildren who come from homes with minimal language enrichment need to hear new words if they are to become proficient readers. <eading aloud to children, even if only for a short time each day, enhances their language skills, as well as their love of literature and learning. (n ,>=1 the *ommission on <eading was created and funded by the U. S. #epartment of Bducation to study the best way to increase knowledge and reading in children. The commission evaluated ten thousand research studies over the course of two years and reported their results in @ecoming a -ation of <eaders. $mong the findings9 JThe single most important activity for building the knowledge re0uired for eventual success in reading is reading aloud to children.I The study supported reading aloud in classrooms throughout all grades.S Bxperts agree that the way to motivate children to read on their own is by arousing their interest and curiosity. <eading exciting stories to children helps them associate reading with pleasure. %hen the teacher and children share suspense, emotions, and en'oy fascinating characters, their relationship is strengthened. (n addition, when children listen to a teacher read, they learn grammatical form and story structure. <eading stories, poems, books and factual texts to children builds their vocabulary, attention span and knowledge base so that they can speak, read, and write more fluently.

Students need to be exposed to nonfiction, as well as fiction. Teachers may begin with simple nonfiction books to introduce science, math and social studies concepts and then move on to more difficult texts. :odel reading for information and investigation by stopping and asking the children to review, define andAor comment on the material. &or example, stop reading and say, J3etKs see, what did she say about insects that only live twenty+four hours4I 3et the children respond and then say something like, J( wonder what insect she will tell us about next4I Sometimes teachers have the children make a picture dictionary to go along with a story, chart what happened, or create graphics to further understanding. (nvolving students reinforces in0uisitiveness and cognitive skills. 3istening to teachers read nonfiction material increases studentKs ability to read and comprehend newspaper articles, directions, complicated writings, as well as to perform well on tests that re0uire an extensive vocabulary. $nother method teachers can use when reading aloud is to pause and have their students pair off to discuss the material. %hen children participate this way, they practice their listening, thinking, and speaking skills. They also pay closer attention to what is read so that they will be able to talk about it. %hen the teacher stops, the students turn to their partner and relate what they heard, as well as listen to their partnerKs thoughts. $fter a few minutes, the teacher begins to read again.
,deas to 1nhance 0eading 4icture Books Aloud to Children

,. *hoose stories that you have read and that you en'oyed reading. /. <ead a variety of books. 1. *hoose a colorful book that is large enough for the group of children to see. 2. <eread favorite books. 5. <ead some stories that lend themselves to children repeating a phrase or filling in a word. 6. !ractice reading aloud if necessary. ;. !ick an area in the room that is 0uiet and comfortable. =. Sit higher than the students so that they can see the pictures and hear you. >. )elp the children settle down before you begin by leading them in a calming game or song. ,?. )old up the book and call attention to the author and illustrator. ,,. $sk a 0uestion that will spark their interest. ,/. :ove the book back and forth so that the children can see the illustrations, or show the pictures after you read each page. ,1. <ead with expression and enthusiasm. ,2. 3et your facial expressions reflect the emotions of the characters. ,5. Use character voices. ,6. !ace your reading to fit the story, but read slow enough so the children can understand it. ,;. Use puppets or other props. ,=. $ccept childrenKs comments or 0uestions unless they interrupt the flow of the story. ,>. (f the children become distracted, stop and ask, J%hat do you think will happen next4I You could also do a Jfinger playI or have them stand and sing a song before continuing to read. /?. $llow time to review the story andAor have the children act it out.
,deas to 1nhance 0eading Aloud to Dlder Children

,. !re+read and select a book you think they will en'oy. /. <ead books above the average reading level in your class.

1. Select books that are appropriate for the emotional, social and intellectual level of the students. 2. *hoose some books or stories that are related to the curriculum. 5. <ead literature that represents a variety of writing styles. 6. Select stories with recurring conversation and some drama or suspense. ;. $im for 0uality and variety, alternating books or stories that feature boy and girl characters, and those that represent various cultures. =. Select unfamiliar stories. >. $llow enough time to create interest in the story before you must stop reading. ,?. <ead the title and ask the students 0uestions that will arouse their curiosity. ,,. -ame the author and illustrator and if possible tell something about each one. ,/. Sit or stand so that your head is above the students and they can easily hear you. ,1. :ake sure your posture and facial expressions reflect interest in the story. ,2. $fter reading a chapter, if the students appear disinterested, choose a different book. ,5. <ead slowly enough for the students to have time to picture the words and assign meaning to them. ,6. $dd props. ,;. @efore you begin to read another chapter in a book, ask the students, J%hat was happening when we finished reading last time4I ,=. )ave the students make predictions about outcomes. ,>. $ccept some 0uestions during the reading and when finished, encourage the students to verbaliCe their reactions, thoughts and emotions. /?. <ead intriguing books at the end of the day as a reward for hard+working students. The classroom teacher is a powerful role model for the en'oyment of reading. %hen teachers demonstrate a love of reading, their students will more likely become avid reader themselves.

Enhancin Children's E%otional Develo'%ent

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. :ost educators agree that children s emotional well+being contributes greatly to their social and intellectual development. )owever, adults have traditionally denied children s feelings by saying things such as, .You shouldn t feel that wayG. or .You ll be fine. &orget it.. -egating children s strong emotions can result in fearfulness, confusion, shame and resentment, which can interfere with their learning. %hen negative emotions are suppressed, they usually resurface and cause problems. *hildren who are taught to identify, express, and cope positively with their feelings develop useful life skills. )uman beings experience a variety of emotions that cannot be categoriCed as right or wrong. %hat is important is how children handle their feelings. *hildren learn by observing the significant others in their lives. $dults who honestly express their feelings in constructive ways foster children s emotional growth. %hen educators model self+understanding and emotional maturity, their students are more likely to do the same.
'ow else can educators enhance children's e%otional de#elo!%ent8 1. 'el! the children gain an understanding of their feelings through the use of $ooks $oard ga%es !u!!ets interacti#e stor&telling or roleE!la&s.

2. )each children to identif& and #er$ali2e their feelings as well as to read the e%otional signals fro% other children and adults. 9-or useful tools to !ro%ote e%otional literac& re#isit www.kell&$ear.co%.: 3. "atch a child's facial e.!ressions !osture !la& or art work for signs that a child is e.!eriencing a strong negati#e e%otion. )hen offer constructi#e wa&s to defuse it such as !ainting dialogue or taking a *ti%e out.* 4. Acce!t e%otional res!onses as legiti%ate e#en if &ou don't like the $eha#ior the feeling !roduces. -or e.a%!le when a child hits the feeling of anger is de%onstrated. +to! the child and sa& *,t's oka& to feel angr&6 it's not oka& to hurt others. )alk to %e a$out what &our feeling.* 5. Co%%unicate understanding and e%!ath& $& reflecting the o$ser#ed e%otion. -or e.a%!le sa& *@ou see% sad* or *@ou see% u!set.* )hen if the child confir%s &our reflection and $egins talking $e (uiet and listen. 9+ee *'el!ing Children Co!e with Anger* in )eacher ,deas www.kell&$ear.co% .: 6. D$ser#e the child's non#er$al $eha#ior for clues as to how he or she is feeling. 3isten for the content of what is $eing said as well. 7. A#oid negati#e state%ents like *Can't &ou do an&thing right8* or *"hat's &our !ro$le%8* )hese co%%ents discourage o!en co%%unication and suggest that when a child does not $eha#e !erfectl& he or she is *$ad.* 8. A#oid %orali2ing 9*)hat was wrong of &ou>*:6 hu%iliating 9*, can't $elie#e &ou did that.*:6 lecturing 9*@ou should ha#e known $etter.*:6 den&ing 9*@ou'll $e oka&.*:6 !it&ing 9*4oor &ou. ,t's all their fault.*:6 and rescuing 9*,'ll take care of it.*:. ,nstead listen !atientl& and nod &our head a!!ro!riatel&. 0e%e%$er that (uestions can often lead the child awa& fro% the real !ro$le% or cause the child to sto! talking. 9. 4ro$le% sol#e with the child $& encouraging hi% or her to think of o!tions and decide what constructi#e action to take. 9+ee *)en "a&s to -oster 0esilienc& in Children* in )eacher ,deas www.kell&$ear.co% .: 10.Fee! lines of co%%unication o!en. @ou %ight sa& so%ething like5 *1%il& , a% glad &ou told %e a$out &our %o%'s illness. ,t %ust $e hard to ha#e her in the hos!ital. 4lease know that , care a$out &ou and that , a% here if &ou want to talk again.*