Some Waterlogged River Analogies By Jeffrey M.

Bowen
Rivers, with their currents and directions, significantly predict our destinies. Getting sold down the river means you were cheated. Being sent up the river suggests you went to prison. The former probably originated from sour land deals (a river didnt run through it after all?) while the latter surely refers to the udson River and a trip from !"# to $ing $ing, or %ssining where an infamous prison is located. &eople in that boat find themselves in hot water, even though they are on a cold river. 'aybe they are up a cree( without a paddle, but one cannot be )uite sure why that is always so bad because being swept downstream may )uite en*oyable. +t is popularly (nown as going with the flow. This is fine unless you are headed for a fall. +t,s best to stay philosophical about flow because, after all, pretty soon it will all be water under the bridge. There is another condition where you don-t go much of anywhere at all. .ncountered on la(es or oceans more often than on a river, you are becalmed. /ust remember, it is definitely less desirable to be stuc( in the doldrums. Then you are really going nowhere soon. 0rifting has a bunch of connotations, but + usually thin( of it as aimlessly wandering. $till, drifting down a river decidedly is positive if you thin( li(e uc( 1inn2 then it becomes an adventure. +n fact, tripping downstream or upstream can be either romantic, mysterious, or both. %therwise, why would composers write songs li(e 3#ruising down the River4 (on a $unday afternoon, with birds ma(ing love up above?) or 35p a 6a7y River4? 8hy do song writers give rivers names li(e 'oon, $ewanee, and 0eep? Because it,s great shorthand for communicating love, longing, or religious beliefs. !ot always is the romance such a beautiful thing because some people wail, 3#ry 'e a River3. 9ss for 3%ld 'an River4, well he,s *ust la7y and (eeps on rolling along2 li(e he,s 3Rollin, on the River4. + li(e this reference because it con*ures up Tina Turner gyrating to the lyrics.

:;: 8hat happens on the typical cattle drive or mass migrations of wildebeests? 9 river crossing, of course< 9t that *uncture we get into big trouble. /ust li(e us, the animals get caught in cross currents, or they wade into deep water that is over their heads. &resumably they are not getting into the same (ind of hot water as felons. But far be it from me to throw cold water on the idea because we all have rivers to cross under many different circumstances. 8hen we reach the point of no return, then li(e /ulius #aesar in => 9.0., have 3crossed the Rubicon4. +f you don,t have a bridge over troubled water, then a river crossing becomes obligatory. opefully, you wont cross the (county) line. $ince + am getting fairly close to that point, here is where + stop, tread water, and drop anchor. There is little time for a river dance, but it might happen shortly because + can,t hold my water any longer.