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September 11–24, 2009


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Contents | [ Minnesota's Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender Magazine ]

HOME & YARD BOULEVARD LavenderMagazine.com


New Lavender Digital Edition, Weekly
28 Homes By Architects Newsletter, Events, plus the chance to
Spotlighting 6 of the 20 on the Tour Win Prizes every issue!
FLIP FOR THE
NEWS & POLITICS NEW LAVENDER
37 Big Gay News DIGITAL EDITION
Local and National News
28 +
WATCH LYNX IN ACTION
BAR SCENE
40 Bar Advertiser Guide
Find Your Way to Hot Spots
42 Bartender Spotlight
Camp: Josh
44 Leather Life
Interview with Andy Mangels
46 Bar Calendar
Plan Your Bar Outings

CUISINE VH-1 DIVAS PRIZE TICKETS TO BODIES


52 Off the Eaten Path PACKAGE THE EXHIBITION
El Meson
Photo by Troy Theis 54 Nutrition
Sala Architects, Inc. Healthier Treats
56 Dining Guide
Food for Every Mood

BACKTALK ALAN CUMMING MARIAH CAREY


58 Out in the Stars I Bought a Blue Memoirs of an
Car Today Imperfect Angel
Horoscope CDs CDs
60 The Network
Business Services Directory
60 Business Profile WandaWisdom.com
America’s ORIGINAL Podcasting
Beth Richardson Drag Queen
62 LavenderMagazine.com Calendar
Photo Courtesy of ACT ONE, TOO Plan Your Fortnight Whenever the Random
Mini Disco Dance Party
64 Brief sirens go off during a
Groceries & Deli on Harmon Opens podcast, Wanda fans all
COMMUNITY DIALOGUE 65 Classifieds over the world stop what
10 A Word in Edgewise Find Some Classy Stuff they’re doing to join in
The Old Order Changes: 1932-2009 the fun and dance their
66 Community Connection fannies off! Now’s your
12 Queer as Folks GLBT-Friendly Nonprofits
Quatrefoil Library Hosts Two Events chance to help Wanda
68 Ms. Behavior show the world what an Photo Courtesy of Brian Roby
13 Passings Single Katie army of crazed (albeit deliciously so) disco-loving
Adam Hamilton • Jeffrey Buckles fans looks like! We want video of you rocking
73 Yellow Pages Advertiser Index out to R.M.D.D.P. We’ll take the vids, splice
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT What’s Where This Issue ‘em together and voila: R.M.D.D.P.: The Movie!
Cover Feature 74 Consider the Source To learn more, just click on over to http://
Hirsute Yourself wandawisdom.com!
14 Brendan and His Many-Colored
Dreams 74 Cartoon
Chanhassen Reprises Joseph and the Trolín BigGayNews.com
Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Your daily podcast of GLBT world
16 Pet Shop Boys Hit the State news with host Bradley Traynor
Gay Sensibility for Post-’80s Madness Top Headlines
18 Some Enchanted Season Gay Former Sailor Says Hazing Led
Minnesota Opera Stages Five Romances to PTSD
Minnesota Teacher Disputes Anti-Gay
20 On the Townsend Harassment Report
Into Temptation • My Name is Rachel Transsexual Transferred to Women’s
Corrie • The Mary Tyler Moore Show • The Prison
Romance of Magno Rubio
September 11–24, 2009

Maine’s Gay Marriage Law Added to


Ballot
24 On the Record
Here with Me • Humbug • Ladyhawke • Get Your News in 12 Languages!
White Lesbian Rapper ISSUE 373 Next Up Big Gay News now offers TWELVE foreign
26 One Voice Mixed Chorus September 11, 2009 ISSUE 374 language newswires! You can get international
Presents Unsilenced: GLBT and Jewish Fall Arts & September 25, 2009 GLBT news from hundreds of sources in twelve
Entertainment Fall Wine & Dine different languages. There is absolutely no other
Voices of the Holocaust AIA Home Tour On the Runway site offering this much relevant content. Visit
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Volume 15, Issue 373 • September 11–24, 2009

Editorial
Editor Emeritus Ethan Boatner 612-436-4670
Editorial Director Russell Remmick 612-436-4671
Editorial Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672
Podmaster Bradley Traynor 612-436-4669
Contributors Kolina Cicero, Meryl Cohn, Carla Continenza,
Julie Dafydd, Chad Eldred, Heidi Fellner, Lawrence Ferber,
Terrance Griep, Ed Huyck, Steve Lenius, John Michael Lerma,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Jennifer Parello, Todd Park, Sara Rogers,
Darin Schwinkendorf, Vince Sgambati, Elizabeth Stiras, John
Townsend, Carla Waldemar
Advertising
Sales & Advertising Director Barry Leavitt 612-436-4690
Senior Account Executive Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699
Account Executives Jonathan Halverson 612-436-4696,
Michael Ladzun 612-436-4697
Sales & Advertising Traffic Coordinator
Linda Raines 612-436-4694
Advertising Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672
Classifieds Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699
National Sales Representative Rivendell Media
212-242-6863
Creative
Creative Director Hubert Bonnet 612-436-4678
Creative Assistant Mike Hnida 612-436-4679
Photographer Sophia Hantzes
Cartoonist Rodro
Lavender Studios Hubert Bonnet, Mike Hnida
Administration
Publisher Lavender Media, Inc.
President & CEO Stephen Rocheford 612-436-4665
Vice President & CC Pierre Tardif 612-436-4666
Chief Financial Officer Carolyn Lima 612-436-4664
Administrative Assistant Austin Lindstrom 612-436-4661
Founders George Holdgrafer, Stephen Rocheford
Inspiration Steven W. Anderson (1954-1994), Timothy J. Lee
(1968-2002), Russell Berg (1957-2005), Kathryn Rocheford
(1914-2006)

Letters are subject to editing for grammar, punctuation, space,


and libel. They should be no more than 300 words. Letters must
include name, address, and phone number. Unsigned letters will
not be published. Priority will be given to letters that refer to
material previously published in Lavender Magazine. Submit let-
ters to Lavender Magazine, Letters to the Editor, 3715 Chicago
Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407; or e-mail <editor@lav-
endermagazine.com>.

Lavender Media Inc.


3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407
LavenderYellowPages.com
612-436-4660 phone
877-515-9969 toll free
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612-436-4664 subscriptions
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To advertise, call 612-436-4698
September 11–24, 2009

LavenderMagazine.com BigGayNews.com WandaWisdom.com

Entire contents copyright 2009. All rights reserved. Publication of the name or
photograph of any person, organization, or business in this magazine does not
reflect upon one’s sexual orientation whatsoever. Lavender® Magazine reserves
the right to refuse any advertising. This issue of Lavender® Magazine is available
free of charge during the time period published on the cover. Pickup at one of our
distribution sites is limited to one copy per person.

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Community Dialogue > A Word in Edgewise [ by E.B. Boatner ]

The Old Order Changes: 1932-2009


A
s a friend and I his glasses, announced: “President Ken- But he did. Throughout other upheav-
strolled through nedy died at 1 PM Central Standard Time, als—marital conflicts, alcohol problems—
Harvard Square on 2 o’clock Eastern Standard Time, some 38 Teddy persevered. He grew. He faced his
November 22, 1963, we minutes ago.” terminal illness with dignity, worked for the
heard rumors. At Nini’s On June 5, 1968, a neighbor burst in, betterment of others till the end.
Corner, a newsstand next waving a newspaper headlining Senator Rob- Teddy was laid to rest in Arlington Na-
to the Harvard Co-op, we ert Kennedy’s assassination in the kitchen of tional Cemetery August 29, close by his
learned President John F. Los Angeles’s Ambassador Hotel. Of the four slain brothers. His casket was flown down
Kennedy had been shot. Kennedy brothers, only Teddy was left. from Boston following a funeral mass dur-
In the Co-op, we joined a crowd around the In Boston, where I lived for 30 years, ing which President Barack Obama, whom
bank of TVs, where a shirt-sleeved CBS an- Kennedys were a fact of life—a force of he had vigorously supported, eulogized him.
chor Walter Cronkite spoke from every B&W life—in all their rambunctious ups and Obama, while referring to Edward M.
screen, relaying unconfirmed reports of the downs, tragedies and peccadilloes. Back Kennedy’s “personal failings and setbacks,”
President’s death, cutting to the Dallas Trade then, Teddy, as everyone called him, was stressed, “He was given a gift of time that
Mart, where Kennedy was to have spoken. the feckless youngest brother, known to his brothers were not. And he used that
Guests milled. A white-jacketed waiter Harvard alums for having had to withdraw time to touch as many lives and right as
cried, dabbing his eyes with a table napkin. for two years after cheating on an exam. many wrongs as the years would allow.”
Someone removed the presidential seal (Beginning Spanish. The demonic Chem 20 That is the lesson I draw from Teddy’s
from the podium. Reverend Luther Hol- maybe. But Spanish A?) Then, the tragic life: his ever-present opportunity for per-
comb offered up a prayer. affair of Chappaquiddick—a defining and sonal return and redemption. August 29
Then: “From Dallas, Texas, a flash— lethal moment from which one thought he was Teddy’s turn. Nini’s Corner, still a fix-
apparently official,” Cronkite, removing never would rebound. ture, no doubt sold many papers.
September 11–24, 2009

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Queer As Folks |

HOSTS TWO EVENTS

>
Black Pride Coffee Hour
A event on September 12, cosponsored
by Quatrefoil Library and Twin Cities
Black Pride Celebration, features coffee
(10:30 AM); Jamaican-born writer G.
Winston James reading from his most
recent collection, Shaming the Devil
(10:45 AM); participants in the recent
Qlibrary Writing Workshop for Young
Adults reading some of their work
(11:14 AM); and Lisa C. Moore, founder
and editor of RedBone Press, sharing
some of her experiences in publish-
ing, and reading some of her own work
(11:31 AM). It takes place in the third
floor conference room of the building
where Quatrefoil Library is located.

Publication Celebration
On September 20, 2-3 PM, Quatrefoil
Library will host a celebration to mark
the publication of two new books on
the history of local GLBT institutions,
sponsored by the Friends of the Bill
of Rights Foundation. History of Qua-
trefoil Library (The First 20 Years),
by Adam Keim, traces the story of the
library from its founding to its present
incarnation as one of the largest GLBT
lending libraries in North America. His-
tory of Minnesota Gay and Lesbian
Legal Assistance (MnGALLA), by
Dan Hanson and Richard Osborne, is
the saga of an organized effort in the
1980s to have GLBT people needing
September 11–24, 2009

legal services referred to supportive


and sympathetic attorneys.

QUATREFOIL LIBRARY
1619 DAYTON AVE., ST. PAUL
(651) 641-0969
<WWW.QLIBRARY.ORG>

12
Passings |

[ Adam Hamilton ]
1977-2009

Adam Edward Hamilton, 31, passed


away August 10 at North Memorial Resi-
dential Hospice, Brooklyn Center, after a
five-month battle with cancer. Born October
13, 1977, in Brainerd, Minnesota, he worked
as a Program Manager for Express Scripts
in Bloomington. An avid athlete, he played
for Twin Cities Goodtime Softball League
teams, and in many NAGAA tournaments
around the country. He also played goalie on
several local hockey teams. He is survived by
his life partner, Joel Mugge; father, Robert
Hamilton; mother, Kathy Morgan; brothers,
Robert and Steve; other family and friends.
Memorials preferred to Caring Bridge,
North Memorial Residential Hospice, and
Fairview Home Care & Hospice.

[ Jeffrey Buckles ]
1963-2009

Jeffrey M. Buckles, 46, died August 15.


Born April 13, 1963, in Milwaukee, Wiscon-
sin, he moved to Minneapolis in the 1990s to
work at the Department of Human Services,
where he continued to dedicate his time in
the fight against HIV/AIDS. He was an active
member of the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Cho-
rus, which became a second family to him.
He is survived by his stepfather, Herbie; his
maternal grandmother; his cat, Vony; many
loving friends. A memorial service in his hon-
or—a potluck celebration/remembrance—
LavenderMagazine.com

will be held September 14, 5:30-7 PM, at


First Christian Church, 2201 First Avenue
South, Minneapolis. Memorials requested to
the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus.

13
Arts & Entertainment > Cover Feature

Brendan
Photo Courtesy of ACT ONE, TOO

professionals. In fact—so much for bright


lights—his New York-based boyfriend is
pulling up stakes to join him here.

AND HIS OK, truth in advertising: It’s not like Bu-


jold hasn’t already had more than his young
share of singing and dancing his way around
MANY-COLORED DREAMS the globe. At 17, he was selected as an Up
With People trouper, touring the United
CHANHASSEN REPRISES JOSEPH AND THE States and Europe—“a chance to stay with
85 different host families, and share time
AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT with 170 other kids from 23 countries. My
[ by Carla Waldemar ] eyes were opened,” he declares.
So agape, in fact, that Bujold returned

B
rendan Bujold could feel the pressure of the big 3-0 to a language school in Germany before
looming in the not-too-distant future. For the Edina- enrolling in the Boston Music Conserva-
tory, where he trained to be an opera sing-
born performer who’d launched his stage career at San er. But even then, family ties prevailed—
Francisco’s Children’s Playhouse at age 6, it was time to or dementia. Go figure. He returned to
face the big decision: bright lights/big city if—maybe, maybe— Minnesota to earn a degree in music and
German at Concordia College, Moorhead,
he made good in New York; or singing his way into the hearts of which he painfully recalls as “not a cultured
September 11–24, 2009

Middle America not far from a cornfield. community”—in fact, “a huge wasteland.”
But his German and business skills won
Bujold chose Chanhassen. run that put an end to waiting tables, after him an internship with Mercedes Benz
While appearing (for the second time) about 15 minutes of soul-searching, Bujold back in Germany. “At that time, I was heavy
as the lead in Joseph and the Amazing Tech- opted to make Minnesota his home. He’s into politics, very anti-American during the
nicolor Dreamcoat at the dinner theater, with back in the midst of his family, along with Bush Administration,” he explains.
star billing, an Equity contract, and a secure the acquired family of other young theater Upon returning to an internship in San

14
Diego in 2006, he learned that his college
music prof had sent Bujold’s résumé to
Chanhassen Dinner Theatres, which in-
vited him to audition for the role of Arab
in West Side Story. He enthuses, “I got the
role! An Equity contract! I was very ex-
cited, surrounded by all that talent.” He
readily put down roots in the Twin Cit-
ies acting community, got an agent, and
promptly auditioned again at Chan for
Grease. “They offered me the lead, as
Danny. It was hugely exciting!” he re-
members. He then moved with the show
to the Pantages Theater in Downtown
Minneapolis—“like going on tour, a whole
different audience,” he adds.
Next came the lead (is this getting pre-
dictable, or what?) in Chanhassen’s Joseph.
“We made it campy, and had a whole lot of
fun with it,” Bujold notes. Plus, they paid
him to wear that knockout many-colored,
flowing, silken coat.
That’s about as good as it gets in Min-
nesota. Yet, an actor can’t help but muse:
“What if? Could I make it on Broadway?”
In September 2008, Bujold left for
New York City. He got an apartment, a
boyfriend, and an agent who found him
roles in commercial and TV work. “It was
good money, but not my passion,” he in-
sists. So, when the call came—again—that
Joseph was being reprised at Chan, it car-
ried with it that nigh-onto-30 decision.
Bujold is back for the long haul. He
shares, “Here, it’s less tense. I can sleep
better, there’s less competitiveness and
more support”—and a chance to audition
for a role in Footloose, to open at Chan
in January, a musical he compares with
Grease, set in book-burning, ban-the-
dancing Oklahoma.
Meanwhile, a chance to represent the
theater wearing his ubergorgeous Joseph
coat atop a VW convertible in this year’s
Twin Cities Pride Parade: “Here I was, in
Downtown Minneapolis, with my dearest
friends watching, so glad I’m back. My
boyfriend came, and so did his parents!”
As Bujold puts it, “I’ve always been
completely out. In college, in Fargo-
Moorhead, there were a lot of closeted
gays, which was an accepted part of the
[gay] culture. But how could they be true
to themselves that way? The message I
get from Joseph is: Have faith in yourself.”
And keep on auditioning.

JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR


DREAMCOAT
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THROUGH SEPT. 26
CHANHASSEN DINNER THEATRES
501 W. 80TH ST., CHANHASSEN
(952) 934-1525
<WWW.CHANHASSENTHEATRES.COM>

15
> Arts & Entertainment
“ You’ve got to love/To learn to live/Where angels fear
to tread/I did and I don’t regret the day
— The Pet Shop Boys
“The Sodom and Gomorrah Show”


The AIDS epidemic that characterized
the ’80s is reflected in “It Couldn’t Happen
Here,” based on a conversation between
Tennant and his best friend who died of
AIDS. The title refers to the friend’s denial
that the disease constituted the threat it was
and still is. “Being Boring and Your Funny
Uncle” also relate to Tennant’s friend.
Pet Shop Boys never used AIDS fears
as an excuse to retreat into an erotopho-
bic, puritanical sexual purview. In fact, they
have looked squarely at the problem of dec-
adence, which habitually is seen as a sexual
excess issue. However, it’s greed and thirst
for domination that spawns decadence,
promiscuity, and love’s destruction.
In “Decadence,” the duo are very clear:
“You’d better give up talking about money/
Begin thinking of love/If you want me to
come back/You’d better change.”
Decadence is called “fatal.” It’s certainly
a skeptical take on capitalism.
In marked contrast, “The Sodom and
Gomorrah Show” defies the clichéd, re-
ligiously indoctrinated view most people
have of decadence. Pet Shop Boys consider
Photo by Alasdair McLellan urban sexual exploration to be a potential
path to self-knowledge. In turn, it’s a take
on capitalism—not so judgmental.
Celebrity is major for Pet Shop Boys,
Pet Shop Boys Hit the State but not in a garish way that gets off on Paris
Hilton and tabloid follies. For instance,
“Vulnerable” has poignant insight on the
Gay Sensibility for Post-’80s Madness anguish simmering beneath the defensive-
[ by John Townsend ] ness of someone trapped in the public eye.
One suspects it’s perhaps a closeted gay man.

P
et Shop Boys are among that world. Those economic notions continue “The Night I Fell in Love” has drawn specu-
exceptional category of artists to “trickle down.” Pet Shop Boys caught lation that it refers to Eminem. Penned after
who exude a clearly gay sen- the zeitgeist then, and as evidenced in their the white rapper rationalized his homopho-
sibility, yet also connect on a latest album, the luminescent Yes, they have bic lyrics, this song involves a young male
profoundly deep level with not lost their timely touch. groupie who hooks up with his idol.
straight audiences. This gift goes beyond The early hit “West End Girls,” with Ultimately, what’s perhaps most disarm-
simply singing songs inclusive of both het- its sharp video take on class and gender— ing is Pet Shop Boys’s unabashed belief that
ero and homosexual experience. It’s how wherein women capture the imagination hope can weather despair, an extraordinary
Neil Tennant’s vocals live within Chris of East End (read: working class) Boys— idea nowadays. “Positive Role Model,” “Go
Lowe’s electronic musical sphere. Poeti- comes to mind. As well, “Let’s Make Lots West,” “Metamorphosis,” and “Legacy” as-
cally savvy observation is made expansive, of Money,” with its insinuation of mutual sert this empowering concept marvelously.
ethereal, and romantically epic. Listen to a gay exploitation, is a quintessential spoof Renewal and real transformation become
Pet Shop Boys tune, and you’re transported on ’80s greed and power. viscerally real possibilities.
to a shimmering dimension that sometimes That decade also saw, with the collapse
has the feel of the eternal. of the Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain,
September 11–24, 2009

One conflict the duo consistently reso- a consciousness shift, and its subsequent
PET SHOP BOYS
nates is financial tyranny versus roman- ripple effects registered in Pet Shop Boys SEPT. 16
tic love. After all, they emerged in the songs. “Building A Wall, Psychological” STATE THEATRE
1980s, when the go-go-go economics of and “London” speak to the paranoia that 805 HENNEPIN AVE., MPLS.
UK Prime Minister Maggie Thatcher and emerged in supposedly free democracies af- (800) 982-2787
<WWW.HENNEPINTHEATRETRUST.ORG>
US President Ronald Reagan gripped the ter the fall of communist totalitarianism.

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17
> Arts & Entertainment

Some Enchanted Season Minnesota Opera Stages Five Romances


[ by Carla Waldemar ]

G
et ready for romance. particularly, for her recitatives (the melodic
Minnesota Opera’s 2009-2010 season skips the exposition between the big-bang arias),
Johnson hints. “This Queen is multifacet-
hordes of elephants and ladies in horned helmets in fa- ed, not two-dimensional,” he declares.
vor of overpowering love—and because it’s opera, after La boheme is so uberpopular that it has
all, love leads to trouble, tears, and death: happy never after. been double-cast in order to extend its run.
Team 1: Lovebirds James Valenti and El-
Nothing’s more romantic than Bizet’s American premiere, and young tenor Jesus lie Dehn, last year’s equally ill-fated Romeo
The Pearl Fishers, set in “exotic” Ceylon, Garcia, who won a Tony for his role in Baz and Juliet, while “extraordinary” (John-
which opens the season September 25—it’s Luhrmann’s Boheme on Broadway.” Add, in son’s description) Adam Diegel and Jen-
a question of which will prevail: the love of Johnson’s words, a “fast-rising and supertall nifer Black alternate in the Parisian garret.
a guy for a guy (bring on the best duet in all young Italian conductor, Leonardo Vordo- Australian Director Justin Way joins Music
opera!), or for a gal. La boheme’s love story ni, making his Minnesota Opera debut, and Director Emmanuel Joel-Hornak, from
is a wildly popular tearjerker, so keep the you’ve got an escape into a hyperromantic France, in this international talent spree.
Kleenex handy. Casanova’s Homecoming of- place, a great kickoff to the season.” Finally, a new production of perhaps the
fers the tale, with a few comic inserts, of the Casanova’s Homecoming marks a home- world’s most sexy opera, Salome, with lovely
greatest lover of all time. Donizetti’s Roberto coming extraordinaire. It has been 25 years Russian temptress Mkada Khudoley shed-
Devereux paints the picture of love-gone-bad since Minnesota Opera premiered local ding her seven veils (while her stepdaddy
when the Earl of Essex (Roberto) two-times composer Dominick Argento’s gentle com- drools), and singing to big-voiced, body-
Queen Elizabeth I of England. And Salome, edy. It also marks Johnson’s own 25th anni- buffed baritone Jason Howard, who, John-
the season’s finale—talk about the dangers of versary with the company, and 25 years since son shares, “is not afraid to take his clothes
“just say no” when it comes to dealing with a the Ordway opened. Johnson enthuses, “It’s off.” (Hey, it’s darned hot in that cistern.)
sexually obsessed teenaged seductress. gorgeously written. It made a big impression All opera are sung in their original tongues,
As Artistic Director Dale Johnson says, on me that first year. We’re giving it a new, with English translations above the stage.
“It’s a very audience-friendly season”— sleek, Milano look.” John Fanning (remem- Again this season, you’re invited to
just what the doctor ordered (OK, your ber him in Tales of Hoffman?) will play Casa- partake in Out at the Opera events at the
banker) to get one’s mind off the economic nova, and Johnson notes that he’s “a terrific Downtown Minneapolis Opera Center that
tsunami. First-timers—opera virgins—are actor and a tour de force among baritones. have been, according to Johnson, “super-
in for a treat, and returning devotees will He’ll add a lot of oomph.” St. Paul Chamber well-attended.” As well, take in specially
swoon when they hear of the talent John- Orchestra will be in the pit. designated Ordway performance nights,
son has crisscrossed the globe to secure. Roberto Devereux represents Donizetti, with discounted tickets, invitations to pri-
September 11–24, 2009

For instance, fashion designer Zandra Rho- as Johnson observes, “well into his stride.” vate events, and meet-and-mingle happen-
des is dressing The Pearl Fishers with what It’s the first in Minnesota Opera’s promised ings, hosted in partnership with corporate
Johnson calls “an extravagant color scheme Tudor trilogy (keep tuned next season). Fi- diversity sponsors. Newcomers are espe-
that will knock your socks off. Wonderfully ery Brenda Harris sings Queen Elizabeth I, cially welcome. Seats are selling fast—and
witty, too. And, we’ve been lucky with the with Portuguese tenor Bruno Ribiero de- you won’t want to miss Mimi’s death rattle.
singers: Isabel Bayrakdarian, who originated buting as her treacherous lover. But enough For information, call (612) 333-6669, or
the soprano role in San Diego to a sold-out about him. It’s the Queen’s opera. Listen, visit <www.mnopera.org>.

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19
On the Townsend |
[ by John Townsend ]

INTO TEMPTATION / NOW SCREENING AT LOCAL


CINEMAS

Into Temptation. Photo Courtesy of Patrick Coyle

Those who thirst for compassionate


views of Christianity will find succor in
local filmmaker Patrick Coyle’s absorb-
ing new film, Into Temptation, which David
Doyle shot entirely and splendidly in Min-
neapolis. Law and Order’s Jeremy Sisto and
Wicked Tony-winner Kristin Chenoweth
captivate as a socially conscious priest and
a suicidal sex worker. Numerous other
terrific turns by local actors include two
African-American goddesses of the Twin
Cities stage, Greta Oglesby and Isabell
Monk O’Connor. Brian Baumgartner (The
Office), who devastated as a bi movie mo-
gul in Hidden Theatre’s area premiere of
The Dying Gaul a decade ago, delights as
Sisto’s buddy priest. In his latest, Coyle—
whose Detective Fiction played Sundance
2003—muses on how we stigmatize sex
and poverty. Exquisite are Sisto’s scenes
with John Skelly as a young man trou-
bled by homosexual feelings. Coyle derails
the fatuous notion to “let bygones be by-
gones,” current in both politics and count-
less personal relationships today. But as
Chenoweth’s victimization shows us, cru-
elty unrepented can be catastrophic.

MY NAME IS RACHEL CORRIE / THROUGH SEPT.


19 / OPEN EYE FIGURE THEATRE, 506 E. 24TH
ST., MPLS. / (612) 423-2741 / <WWW.EMI
GRANTTHEATER.ORG>

Finally, the decade’s most controversial


play opens here. On the heels of a dynam-
ic 2005 world premiere at London’s pre-
eminent Royal Court, New York Theatre
September 11–24, 2009

Workshop “postponed indefinitely” the


US premiere. Alan Rickman and Kather-
ine Viner, dramatic editors of Rachel Cor-
rie’s diaries and e-mails, then pulled their
permission to produce it. The play ulti-
mately was staged at Greenwich Village’s
Minetta Lane. Though it has taken a while

20
My Name is Rachel Corrie. Photo Courtesy of Emigrant Theater

for an area premiere, local readings staged


by the late Fran Ford kindled passionate
interest. My Name is Rachel Corrie is the
true story of a young American mowed
down by an Israeli military bulldozer in
2003 while protesting the decimation of
Palestinian homes in the Gaza Strip.
Emily Gunyou Halaas, who plays the
solo title role, says, “The only way for me
to approach Rachel as a character is to be
true to her spirit, and try to marry it with
my own spirit. As a result, I have fallen
head over heels in love with her—her
writing, her love story, her hope and love
of life. Also, her failures, her vanity, and
her desperate humanness.”

THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW / THROUGH


SEPT. 26 / THEATRE GARAGE, 711 W.
FRANKLIN AVE., MPLS. / (952) 929-9097 /
<WWW.TORCHTHEATER.ORG>

The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Photo by Ann Marsden

Some top local actors are performing


classic episodes live onstage from The Mary
LavenderMagazine.com

Tyler Moore Show, that fabled TV sitcom set


in Minneapolis. David Mann directs them
as a full-run Torch Theater fund-raiser.
Enhancing MTM’s ’70s sensibility is
Stephen Herzog—better known to

21
... [On the Townsend]

many as Barbie “Q,” Miss City of the Lakes


1997 and Miss Trailer Trash—who shares,
“Although I completed a wig internship at
the Guthrie in 1995, I decided to stay be-
hind the chair, and work mainly with hair
that talks back. I do occasional commercial
work, and I’ve been Miss Richfield’s hair-
stylist since she got out of pigtails. When
David mentioned wigs for the MTM show,
I was immediately interested. I studied
the whole cast every Saturday night while
munching popcorn on the den floor for
years. Did he want a dark flip for Mary, or
the later, shorter Mary with the highlights?
Well, it turns out they need both looks.
And Phyllis, Sue Ann, Georgette, and Ted
hair, too! It’s a lot of work, but I think back
to when I was 8, and if I knew then that
I would one day be making these wigs, I
would have thought: Being a grown-up
might be pretty excellent!”
Also featured: Into Temptation actors
Linda Kelsey and Julie Madden, and di-
rector Patrick Coyle.

THE ROMANCE OF MAGNO RUBIO / THROUGH


SEPT. 27 / MIXED BLOOD THEATRE, 1501 S. 4TH
ST., MPLS. / (612) 338-6131 / <WWW.MUPER
FORMINGARTS.ORG>

The Romance of Magno Rubio. Photo by Stephen Geffre

Randy Reyes has charmed with cross-


gender and other sophisticated turns at the
Guthrie and Ordway, but he now stands in
stark contrast in the title role of Lonnie
Carter’s play about Filipino migrant work-
ers in the 1930s.
Reyes describes “a social hierarchy
within this particular group of Filipino
men. They’re as much at odds with each
other as they are with the white men they
work for. Nick [Kurt Kwan], the ‘college
boy,’ gets a certain amount of respect be-
September 11–24, 2009

cause of his intelligence. Then, there’s


Magno [Reyes], who can’t read or write,
and has to rely on Nick to write letters to
the woman he’s in love with, yet has never
met. Magno is considered the lowest on
the social ladder, but his unflinching opti-
mism lifts the men’s spirits.”

22
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23
Arts & Entertainment > On the Record [ by Ed Huyck ]

Here With Me Humbug Ladyhawke White Lesbian Rapper


HOLLY WILLIAMS ARCTIC MONKEYS LADYHAWKE ALICIA LEAFGREEN

THE LATEST IN the family’s WHEN ARCTIC MONKEYS AH, MORE MUSIC that LOCAL HIP-HOP ARTIST Ali-
country-music dynasty, Holly burst on the scene a few years sounds like the past. The cia Leafgreen certainly doesn’t
Williams displays the same ago, I absolutely hated them. folks in Ladyhawke—led by pull any punches here, on
set of skills that the famous The Sheffield band arrived with New Zealander Pip Brown— her debut EP from earlier in
men of her clan have shown tons of hype, but to my ears, sound like a mix of Blondie the year. She keeps her mes-
through the decades: musical they just were aping Oasis, with- and New Order, with the sages clear, be it looking
passion, a deft touch while out actually going back and lis- mixed results you might ex- for the ladies (a good chunk
singing, and an ability to sing tening to all the acts that group pect from such a combina- of the songs here), or try-
about sorrow without getting was, ahem, inspired by for their tion. On the upside, the band ing to make a broader state-
maudlin. On her debut, she tunes. Something strange hap- cer tainly recreates the mu- ment about love and peace
showcases all this on a tight, pened on Arctic Monkeys’s way sical vibe of the era, as the (“A.D.I.D.A.S.”). The music has
11-song collection. Penning to the scrap heap, however. tunes are loaded with vintage a spare, 1980s vibe to it—
most of the songs herself, The tunes got more interesting, synths and catchy popcraft perhaps not surprising, as the
she runs through plenty of and the lyrics—mainly about that defined the time. The legendary Dr. Fink (look at your
familiar territory: heartbreak, life away from the limelight in bouncy and fun tunes would early Prince records…he’s the
heartbreak, and some extra working-class England—came be great for dancing (skinny guy in scrubs) produced the
heartbreak, with a bit of Je- into sharper focus. The band’s tie optional). On the down- six-song effort. All this gives
sus thrown in (“Without Jesus third album continues that side, they don’t bring enough the collection a definite electro
Here With Me,” about a dev- trend, sporting a tougher, clas- fresh good to the par ty to vibe à la Peaches. And believe
astating car wreck she and sic rock sound that offers a separate themselves from me, nothing’s wrong in bringing
her sister were in a few years looser backdrop for singer Alex the pack. The trouble here— Peaches to mind in your music.
ago that they barely survived). Turner’s stories. The songs are as with any retro outfit—is That comes into focus on the
Sometimes, the music is a bit infused with additional influ- that I can still listen to vin- pulsating epic “I Got My Saw-
too slick, trading the heart of ences, such as the bossa nova tage Blondie and New Order. wed Off.” Leafgreen’s dedica-
traditional country for the less- beat on opener “My Propeller” Through this 17-song collec- tion to old school doesn’t end
interesting realm of pop. She that shows additional growth. tion, enough highlights keep with this EP. She plans to issue
ends it all with a striking cover The band still hangs onto a the listener’s attention, and a free mix tape via <www.mys
of Neil Young’s “Birds,” a few too many coattails—first a trio of acoustic tracks (bo- pace.com/whitelesbianrap
September 11–24, 2009

good fit for Williams, showcas- single “Cry Lighting” could be nus cuts for the US release) per> in the near future, where
ing her solid voice and, more a Franz Ferdinand outtake— do a fine job of showing off she’ll rap over classic hip-hop
importantly, deep understand- but it’s fresh enough to stay on the band’s real chops. instrumentals by the likes of
ing of the song. the radar. Public Enemy.

24
LavenderMagazine.com

25
Arts & Entertainment |
[ by E.B. Boatner ]

One Voice
Mixed Chorus
Presents Unsilenced

O
ne Voice Mixed Chorus (OVMC),
Minnesota’s GLBT and straight-
allies chorus; local synagogues
Shir Tikvah, Bet Shalom, and Temple
Israel; and the Tretter Collection at the
University of Minnesota will present Un-
silenced: GLBT and Jewish Voices of the Holo-
caust, a concert commemorating the expe-
rience of individuals in the Holocaust.
In preparation, OVMC Artistic Direc-
tor Jane Ramseyer Miller worked with the
Tretter Collection, the largest archive of
GLBT Holocaust materials outside of
Berlin; music directors of Shir Tikvah and
Bet Shalom; and historians and musicolo-
gists of the Holocaust Museums in Chi-
cago and Washington, DC.
Unsilenced’s highlight is Donald Mc-
Cullough’s Holocaust Cantata, a 13-move-
ment work with text written by concentration
camp prisoners. Two additional movements
using Holocaust stories of GLBT persons
were commissioned by OVMC.
Janet Horvath, Associate Principal Cello
with the Minnesota Orchestra, who is fea-
tured soloist for Holocaust Cantata, also will
perform Max Bruch’s setting of Kol Nidre, a
traditional prayer for the Day of Atonement.
Horvath’s parents were concentration camp
survivors. Her musician father performed
throughout six years in various camps.
Unsilenced includes German cabaret
music familiar to Berlin’s GLBT commu-
nity of the time; “Dicke Luft,” commis-
sioned by a gay man in Sachsenhausen,
written by a Polish musician, and paid for
with one-and-a-half pieces of bread; and
the contemporary “Not in My Town,”
concerning Montana citizens who fought
anti-Semitic acts in their community.
Local concerts will be performed with
synagogue choirs from Shir Tikvah and
Beth Shalom (Minnetonka) joining to per-
form Holocaust Cantata.
September 11–24, 2009

JAN. 30
TEMPLE ISRAEL, MINNEAPOLIS
WITH POSTPERFORMANCE DISCUSSION
JAN. 31
HOPKINS HIGH SCHOOL
WITH POSTPERFORMANCE DISCUSSION
<WWW.OVMC.ORG>

26
LavenderMagazine.com

27
> Home & Yard Boulevard

Homes By Architects September 19 & 20

HOME #7 be removed, the entire home was


4140 Vincent Avenue South gutted in 1992, and has been a
Minneapolis “work-in-progress” ever since.
Designed by Eric Odor, AIA, This past year, the home was
with Sara Whicher finished when an orchid room,
Sala Architects, Inc. potting shed, new garage, and
Minneapolis: (612) 379-3037 a “floating” screen porch were
Excelsior: (952) 380-4817 added. Sustainable materials such
Stillwater: (651) 351-0961 as fiberboard, corrugated metal
<www.salaarc.com> siding, and fly-ash concrete were
Photos by Troy Theis used in the remodel. The flat
room between the home and ga-
The architect, Eric Odor, is rage is farmed.
also the homeowner for the proj- Eric Odor, AIA says, “The
ect. When the Dutch Colonial small house on a large lot made
was discovered in 1990, its maple it a prime candidate for a ‘tear
floors and 10-foot ceilings made down’ and another ‘monster
it a prime candidate for remodel. house,’ but we had other interests
After learning that virtually ev- here. We weren’t interested in
ery wall on the first floor could maximum volume—we were in-
terested in a symphony of spaces
with echoes of solid and void as
well as inside and out. We wanted
an expansive summer home that
would engage the entire site, as
September 11–24, 2009

well as a cozy winter retreat from


which to observe our domain,
and we wanted a cabin, without
the commute. And we used green
materials such as fiberboard and

#7
corrugated metal siding, as well
as high fly-ash concrete, and we
#7
farm the flat roof between the
#9
LavenderMagazine.com

29
recognition. More about the
BLEND Awards is available at #9
<www.blendaward.org>.
Mark Larson, AIA, says, “We
planned the porch spaces around
furniture and function with the
same care that interior spaces are
organized. They are an extension
of the house like outdoor rooms.
You don’t have to rent a tent for
a great backyard party even if the
forecast calls for rain.”
light and open feel, with walls in-
////////////////////////////////////////// terrupted by transom windows and
a substantial rolling door. In the
HOME #9 kitchen, custom walnut cabinetry
The Edgewater, 1805 West Lake sets off a wall of intricately pat-
Street, Unit 503, Minneapolis terned hexagonal tile. Highly con-
Designed by Gabriel Keller, trasted materials and meticulous
Assoc. AIA; Kristine Anderson, details come together in the design
Assoc. AIA; and Lars Peterssen, AIA of this warm and modern loft.
Domain Architecture & Design, Inc. Gabriel Keller, Assoc. AIA,
#6 (612) 870-7507
<www.domainarch.com>
says, “All of the materials that
we used on the project are both
Photos by Kristine Anderson exceptional and unique. These
... [Homes by Architects]
The apartment at the Edgewa-
materials are woven together to
form a story of modern living—
‘barn’ (home) and the ‘granary’ a 2009 BLEND award recipient. ter in Uptown has two bedrooms,
(garage). At present, we’re ex- The BLEND Award encourages that it can be contemporary, yet
floor-to-ceiling windows, and a still be incredibly comfortable
ploring the fine art of the harvest, and rewards builders, architects, private terrace offering stunning
and onsite containment of rain- and homeowners to blend newly and warm. The homeowner de-
views of Lake Calhoun. Floors of scribed his initial vision for the
water with rain chains, gardens remodeled or constructed homes old-growth oak reclaimed from
and barrels, French drains, and a and businesses into the fabric of space, and then stepped back
Lake Superior flow through every and entrusted his design team to
400-gallon livestock tank.” Southwest Minneapolis neigh- room of the home. Striking slabs
borhoods. A jury of industry create something that ultimately
of live-edge walnut provide fo- exceeded his expectations. There
////////////////////////////////////////// professionals and neighborhood cal points throughout, while the were a number of materials and
residents will select projects for elevated master suite maintains a
HOME #6 design moves that were hard to
4623 Humboldt Avenue South imagine until the home was com-
Minneapolis pleted. The patterned concrete
Designed by Mark Larson, AIA, backsplash tile in the kitchen was
and Ryan Bicek, AIA especially difficult to envision,
Rehkamp Larson Architects, Inc. and the homeowner was ecstatic
(612) 285-7275 at the results.”
<www.rehkamplarson.com>
Photos by Mark Larson //////////////////////////////////////////
The design creates an open HOME #12
and casual living space, while 2425 Huntington Avenue South
preserving the original form of St. Louis Park
the home. With a growing fam- Original home and guesthouse
ily, the homeowners needed more designed by Charles Stinson, AIA
open space, and with many form Charles R. Stinson, Architects
restrictions, the bulk of the addi- (952) 473-9503
tion needed to take place in the <www.crsarch.com>
back of the home. The expanded Photos by Peter Bastianelli-Kerze
kitchen features a fireplace, and
a new master suite and fam- Overlooking Cedar Lake,
September 11–24, 2009

ily room allow for ample living with a distant view of the Min-
space. A wrap-around back porch neapolis skyline, the urban home
and covered front porch create represents two phases of archi-
a connection to the outdoors. tecture. The original home is a
The completely renovated lower
level gives the home even more
#9 floating modern cube with raised
living areas. The recently com-
functionality. This home is also pleted second phase consists

30
LavenderMagazine.com

31
#12

and reclaimed timbers, offering important items, such as a radon


both green design strategies and mitigation system, an on-demand
an updated style. In addition, new water heater, high-efficiency
windows offer more light-filled furnace and zoned heating, new
living spaces, opening the home spray-foam insulation, FSC-cer-
to a wooded backyard. The home tified woods, formaldehyde-free
is pending Gold Certification cabinetry, low-flow plumbing fix-
from the Minnesota Greenstar tures, low VOC paints and stains,
Remodeling program. and composite siding and deck-
Jeremiah Battles, AIA, says: ing. The home was built well, and
#12 “This home was a typical, or- built to last, which is sustainabil-
dinary, average rambler, and by ity at its core.”

... [Homes by Architects]


changing finishes, removing some
walls, and adding some windows, //////////////////////////////////////////
of a new two-and-a-half story house has separate heating and we were able to create what looks
guesthouse and loft connected cooling from the main house to to be a brand-new home. This is HOME #16
by a glass walkway. An expansive conserve energy when guests a case study in how the millions 215 10th Avenue South,
deck defines a new pool and ter- aren’t present. The flat roof is set of Rambler Owners can give No. 913, Minneapolis
race area, complete with an out- up for future solar panels and a their homes new life. Some of Designed by Mark Nelson, AIA,
door fireplace. green roof.” the more interesting sustainable and David Heide, Assoc. AIA
Charles R. Stinson, AIA, says, features are the reclaimed front David Heide Design Studio
“The Cedar Lake Residence is ////////////////////////////////////////// porch timbers that we salvaged (612) 337-5060
unique in the way that it para- from a barn in Woodbury, and <www.DHDstudio.com>
doxically brings a sense of urban HOME #14 building the deck around a large Photo by Susan Gilmore
loft-living into a natural lake set- 1845 Hampshire Lane
ting. Long overhangs and high- Golden Valley
efficiency glass keep the heating Designed by Jeremiah Battles,
loads down without sacrificing AIA, and Ashley Mitlyng, AIA
the dramatic views. The guest- Acacia Architects, LLC
(612) 599-0265
<www.acaciaarchitects.com>
Photos by Dana Wheelock

The homeowners for this


project found Jeremiah Battles
and his firm Acacia Architects
when they visited his home on
the 2008 Homes By Architect
tour. The interior of this walk-out #14
rambler was given new life when
the architects worked to create a
September 11–24, 2009

modern space that better fit the


lifestyle of the homeowners. The elm tree, so as not to lose all the The Downtown penthouse
energy-efficient home features an shade it provides the house. Oth- in the Bridgewater development
open floor plan complete with a er sustainable elements include overlooks Gold Medal Park and
juxtaposition of durable, low- the reclaimed countertops, cork, the Stone Arch Bridge, and has a
#14 maintenance materials, such as
maple trim, corrugated metal,
rubber and wool flooring. There
are plenty of less flashy but just as
flair to match the nostalgic post-
card vistas. The designers al-

32
LavenderMagazine.com

33
HOMES AND ARCHITECTS FEATURED
ON THE 2009 TOUR
SMSQ Architects, Inc. #11 2584 Upton Avenue South
#1 16538 Goodhue Avenue Minneapolis, MN 55405
Nerstrand, MN 55053 Deborah Everson, AIA
Steven Edwins, AIA
Charles R. Stinson, Architects
ALTUS Architecture + Design #12 2545 Huntington Avenue
#2 4869 Dominica Way West Minneapolis, MN 55416
Apple Valley, MN 55124 Charles Stinson, AIA
Tim Alt, AIA, CID
#13 1316 Tyrol Trail
CITYDESKSTUDIO, Inc. Golden Valley MN 55416
#3 5324 Chowen Avenue South Wayne Branum, AIA
Minneapolis, MN 55410
Bob Ganser, AIA Acacia Architects, LLC
#14 1845 Hampshire Lane North
Choice Wood Company Minneapolis, MN 55427
#4 5316 Russell Avenue South Jeremiah Battles, AIA
#16 Minneapolis, MN 55410
Leffert Tigelaar, AIA Albertsson Hansen Architecture, Ltd.
#15 708 North 1st Street
...[Homes by Architects]
McMonigal Architects, LLC Minneapolis, MN 55401
#5 1115 West Minnehaha Parkway Christine Albertsson, AIA
tered the building’s standard floor enjoyed a recurring relationship. Minneapolis, MN 55419
plan to create a more livable and We strove to take the maximum Rosemary McMonigal, AIA David Heide Design Studio
modern interior space. Unique advantage of the remarkable sit- #16 215 10th Avenue South
Rehkamp Larson Architects, Inc. Minneapolis, MN 55415
designs integrate speakers into ting and the views. The river was #6 4623 Humboldt Avenue South Mark Nelson, AIA
cabinet doors, while bathroom a great inspiration for the design Minneapolis, MN 55419
tile and a curved soffit mimic the of the residence. From the use of Mark Larson, AIA Nguyen Architects, Inc.
aesthetics of the landmark bridge. the cool, silvery blue and warm #17 3341 46th Avenue South
brown color palette to the shim- #7 4140 Vincent Avenue South Minneapolis, MN 55406
These examples portray sensible
Minneapolis, MN 55410 Tan Nguyen, AIA
and modern design incorporated mering qualities of the glass tile Eric Odor, AIA
in this warm, inviting space. and stainless steel, many of the #18 97 Cambridge Street
Mark Nelson, AIA, says, “The materials are a metaphor for wa- #8 3841 York Avenue South St Paul, MN 55105
concept for our design of this ter. From the vantage point of the Minneapolis, MN 55410 Kelly Davis, AIA
unit was to provide living spaces residence, the owner also enjoys David O’Brien Wagner, AIA
Rafferty Rafferty Tollefson Lindeke
that are timeless and durable. spectacular views of the Down- Domain Architecture + Design, Inc. Architects, Inc.
These attributes allow the spaces town skyline combined with a #9 1805 West Lake Street #19 3750 Big Fox Road
to endure, and reduce the need more intimate connection to the Minneapolis, MN 55408 Gem Lake, MN 55110
for remodeling and replacement Guthrie Theater. All this, and Deborah Everson, AIA Craig Rafferty, FAIA
of materials over time. We strove Gold Medal Park stretches out
#10 2720 Kenilworth Place SALA Architects, Inc.
to create an environment that in the foreground as if it were a
Minneapolis, MN 55405 #20 448 Park Avenue
was comfortable and dynamic, private front yard!” Mark Larson, AIA Mahtomedi, MN 55115
yet sensitive to the world around Peter Zenner, Homeowner, Meghan Kell Cornell, AIA
it. We used stone and natural says, “Location was a very im-
materials throughout the design, portant factor in deciding on a
reducing our reliance on man- new home. After years of living
made products, and promoting. in a Victorian home in Uptown, I
recyclability. The cabinetry and wanted to experience true Down-
millwork was produced locally town living with a focus on spec-
using domestically grown-wood tacular views of both the Down- //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
products. We also specified low town skyline and the Mississippi
VOC material and finishes were River. My new space incorporates HOMES BY ARCHITECTS
possible to reduce airborne con- many of the newest technologies, September 19 & 20
taminants and provide a healthy including unobtrusive lighting Tickets:
and a hidden sound system for • $25 in advance—available online—through Noon on September 18
environment. Recycled materials
September 11–24, 2009

• $30 during the tour


were also employed in our de- a clean, modern look. Some of
• Tickets for individual homes also can be purchased during the tour for
sign, including tile made of re- my favorite features of the condo
$10 each
cycled glass.” were based on ideas that, frankly, <www.HomesByArchitects.org>
David Heide, Assoc. AIA, took some convincing. The cur- The numbers referenced above identify which number the home is on tour
says, “Our goal was to create a se- vature of the ceiling plays beau- maps, guidebooks, etc.
rene and nurturing environment tifully off the Stone Arch Bridge
for the client with whom we have and the Gold Medal Park.”

34
LavenderMagazine.com

35
September 11–24, 2009

36
Big Gay News >
[ Written & Compiled by Bradley Traynor ]

LOCAL NEWS

DISTRICT URGED TO
DISCIPLINE TEACHERS IN
ANTIGAY BULLYING CASE
Community members concerned about
a recent case of antigay harassment toward
a high school student attended a school
board meeting in August to voice their
frustration. The Minnesota Department
of Human Rights alleges that teachers
Walter Filson and Diane Cleveland made
antigay comments about 17-year-old Alex
Merritt’s perceived homosexuality. Earlier
in August, the Anoka-Hennepin County
School District decided to settle the case
with a $25,000 payment to Merritt’s fam-
ily. Many of those at the meeting asked
the district to discipline the teachers in
question. Organizer Adam Fairbanks told
reporters, “We’re hoping they will take
steps to fire the two teachers, or they’ll re-
sign.” School board members told the St.
Paul Pioneer Press they believed the district
acted appropriately under its current poli-
cies and state statutes.

National News
NATIONAL NEWS

GAY MARRIAGE DRAWS OUT-


OF-STATE COUPLES TO IOWA
The Des Moines Register reports that
after April’s Iowa Supreme Court ruling
legalizing same-sex marriage in the state,
data show up to 45 percent of marriages
are by out-of-state couples. Between April
27 and July 27, 5,214 marriage certificates
were issued statewide, of which 676 were
for same-sex couples. Of those couples,
312 weren’t from Iowa. Data show 57
couples were from Illinois, 38 were from
Nebraska, 37 were from Missouri, and 36
were from Minnesota.

GAY MARRIAGE BEGINS IN


VERMONT
Same-sex marriage ceremonies began
in Vermont the first week of September.
It is the first state to enact same-sex mar-
riage legislation without the involvement
of the courts. It was also the first state to
allow same-sex civil unions in 2000. Bill
Slimback, who married his husband, Bob
LavenderMagazine.com

Sullivan, in a ceremony shortly after Mid-


night on September 1, said, “We’ve wait-
ed a long time to do this—basically, our
whole lives.”

37
September 11–24, 2009

38
... [Big Gay News]

TEXAS LIQUOR BOARD FIRES


THREE OVER RAID ON GAY BAR

Based on their involvement in the con-


troversial raid on a Fort Worth gay bar in
June, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Com-
mission has fired two agents and a super-
visor. Agent Christopher Aller and agent
trainee Jason Chapman were dismissed.
Their supervisor, Sergeant Terry Parsons,
who was not at the bar on the night of the
raid, was terminated effective September 2.
Two other officials have been disciplined.

UTAH GOVERNOR SAYS GAYS


NOT PROTECTED CLASS
Utah Governor Gary Herbert told re-
porters that discrimination against gays
and lesbians should not be illegal, and that
sexual orientation should not be a pro-
tected class like race, gender, and religion.
He said in his first monthly news confer-
ence, “We don’t have to have a rule for
everybody to do the right thing. We ought
to just do the right thing because it’s the
right thing to do, and we don’t have to
have a law that punishes us if we don’t.” It
remains legal in Utah to fire someone for
being gay or transgender.

ANTIGAY GROUP SUES HOTEL,


CLAIMS DISCRIMINATION
Peter LaBarbera, leader of Americans
for Truth About Homosexuality, has filed
a federal discrimination lawsuit against the
Naperville Holiday Inn Select, claiming a
fund-raiser there was canceled because of
his group’s religious beliefs against gays and
lesbians. He did not have a written contract
for the event, and no money was paid. La-
Barbera said hotel management told him
the reservation was canceled because of “po-
tential negative publicity.” He apparently
informed the hotel it could expect protest-
ers outside his event. He told reporters, “It’s
LavenderMagazine.com

always easy to come up with excuses, but the


real truth is, they didn’t like our message. If
you allow this sort of hecklers veto, you’re
sanctioning discrimination.”

39
Bar Advertiser Guide |
06
10
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04
02
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05

01
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08
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03 CAMP Minneapolis Eagle Fun neighborhood bar with a great mix of
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An upscale but casual spot with great video, Bolt (Twyla). Saturday: Lori Dokken &
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04 GAY 90’S MEGABAR Bolt Underground
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Awesome DJs deliver latest in dance, (651) 225-GLBT (4528) Wisconsin
techno, and hot gay anthems for your <www.rumours-stpaul.com>
dancing pleasure. Rumours
Happy Hour Hottest dance club with fabulous DJs, plus
Newly remodeled. Open longest hours shows featuring variety of the best local talent.
of any local GLBT bar. State-of-the art Innuendo
sound/video. Casual, intimate “Cheers” ambience for
La Femme Show Lounge quiet conversation, Happy Hour, and THE FLAME
The Ladies of La Femme present the Twin community organization shows/fund-raisers. WI 1612 Tower Ave., Superior
Cities’s best female impersonator show (715) 395-0101
Wednesday-Sunday. 09 SALOON <www.SuperiorFlame.com>
Men’s Room FIRE BAR & GRILL
It’s a guy thing (ladies beware!). Hot men 830 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. J.T.’S BAR & GRILL
in a sizzling scene. Best male dancers. (612) 332-0835 WI 1506 N. 3rd St., Superior
Retro Bar <www.gaympls.com>
September 11–24, 2009

(715) 394-2580
Just what its name says. Fabulous DJs Saloon <www.jtsbarandgrill.net>
reprise the best of the ’70s through ’90s. Long regarded as Minneapolis’s cutting-edge
dance club, with friendly staff and THE MAIN CLUB
05 GLADIUS discerning customers. WI 1217 Tower Ave., Superior
1111 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. Fire Bar & Grill (715) 392-1756
(612) 332-9963 Moderately priced fine dining in a <www.mainclubsuperior.com>
<www.gladiusbar.com> beautiful space Thursday-Sunday. Fabulous
Opening soon. Worth the wait! The New cocktails. Reservations: (612) 850-2510.
York Chic of Minneapolis.

40
LavenderMagazine.com

41
Bar Scene > Bartender Spotlight [ by George Holdgrafer ]


J WHO
O Josh
S
H
WHAT
Recipe: Dirty Banana
2 parts Bacardi Rum
2 parts Creme de Banane
1 part Kahlua
Splash of Amaretto
Splash of Cream
Shake. Pour as shot or on the rocks.

WHEN
Sun., Mon. • 9 PM-2 AM
Wed. • 4-9 PM

WHERE
Camp
490 N. Robert St., St. Paul
(651) 292-1844
<www.camp-bar.net>

WHY
“It’s a very friendly spot. Great drinks. Lots of entertainment.
Most nights of the week are rockin’.”
September 11–24, 2009

42
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43
Bar Scene > Leather Life [ by Steve Lenius ]

Interview with Andy Mangels


Andy Mangels, a longtime leather activ- who are fans of science fiction, fantasy, or from that. I can certainly
ist and gay activist, as well as science-fiction horror use their imagination to enhance their say that in the leather
writer and producer, will be one of the fea- intellectual life. So, when you get somebody community, there are lots
tured guests at Gaylaxicon 2009, a GLBT sci- who crosses over from one area to the other, of fantastic costumes, and
ence fiction convention, October 9-11 at the they tend to be very interesting people. sometimes people battling
Doubletree Hotel Minneapolis-Park Place. each other. There’s a lot
What’s the attraction of leather for you? of political activism, so
You are a very busy, multitalented guy. It’s often said that our largest sex organ there are people who fight
Andy Mangels.
At the moment, I’m working on a book, is our brain. In the science fiction field, I’m for the greater good. Photo by Steve Lenius

two magazine articles, and I’ve been work- exercising my brain all the time in a way
ing as a bartender at the local leather bar. that makes me enjoy people with fantastic What will you be doing at Gaylaxicon?
It’s a way to keep my mind fresh, and not names and interesting costumes, often who I expect I will be doing some panel
get burnt out on any one thing. are battling each other, or have feuds, or presentations, perhaps a reading, and au-
are working for greater peace in the galaxy. tograph sessions. I’ll be available to meet
Do you try to tie all your different There’s good and evil. There are all the and talk with people, and in the evenings,
projects together, or do you keep them same tropes that any kind of fiction, or even hopefully, I’ll get to go out and see some
separate? history, has. It’s just that they’re dressed up, of the area’s nightlife, and leathermen and
There’s an incredible amount of crossover and put into a more exciting realm, whether leatherwomen, and get to mix and mingle
between the world of the fantastic—i.e., sci- that realm is a superhero setting, or an out- as much as I can.
ence fiction, fantasy, and horror—and the er space galaxy, or a world of fantasy…
world of fetish. People in the fetish world use
their imagination in a way that enhances their …or a bunch of Tom of Finland guys. <WWW.GAYLAXICON2009.ORG>.
<WWW.ANDYMANGELS.COM>.
sex life and their social life, whereas people Yeah. The leather realm is not far off
September 11–24, 2009

44
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45
Bar Scene > Bar Calendar
For club addresses, phone numbers, and Web Total DiscTraction SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19
sites, see "Bar Advertiser Guide" on page 40. 9 PM. Town House. Olde Tymers Party
For other events, see <LavenderMagazine.com/
4 PM. Town House.
calendar>.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 Mr. Mayhem Hot Legs Contest
Minnesota Storm Patrol Night
8 PM. Rumours.
5 PM. Minneapolis Eagle.
Brawl of America Pub Crawl & Dance
TNT Show
11 PM. Rumours.
9 PM. Town House.
Booby Trap
Leather Dress Code Night
Bolt Underground
Bolt Underground
Drag Show
Triangle of Hope Benefit for
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13
Imperial Court of Minnesota Duluth-Superior HIV/AIDS Groups
Picnic & Membership Drive 10 PM. The Main Club. Superior, WI.
2 PM. 19 Bar.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20
Jimmy Martin
Singles Pool Tournament
7 PM. Tickles.
4 PM. 19 Bar.
Aaron Keith Stewart
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18
Gary Collins 7 PM. Tickles.
5 PM. Tickles.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25
Gary Collins Girth and Mirth Twin Cities
Gary Collins
5 PM. Tickles. Chub Bar Night
5 PM. Tickles.
Minneapolis Move Bears 7 PM. Gay 90’s.
Lure: Ultimate Lesbian Party
Bar Night Hips ’N Lips Drag Show
9 PM. Rumours.
7 PM. Innuendo. 9 PM. Rumours.
Drag King Minnesota Pageant
September 11–24, 2009

46
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47
... [Bar Calendar]

9 PM. Town House.


11th Anniversary Celebration
Minneapolis Eagle

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26
Bear Night
8 PM. Bolt Underground.
11th Anniversary Celebration
Minneapolis Eagle

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27
Jimmy Martin & Dee Noah
7 PM. Tickles.
Monica West Farewell Reception/Show
8 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s.
11th Anniversary Celebration
Minneapolis Eagle

ONGOING
Ongoing

MONDAYS
Game Night
9 PM. Innuendo.
Karaoke with Dana
9 PM. Town House.
Men’s Night: Male Dancers
9:30 PM. Piano Lounge. Town House.
Karaoke with Killer B’s
10 PM. Gay 90’s.
Hard Monday
Saloon

TUESDAYS
Mega Bingo
Benefits MS Society
6:30 PM. Gay 90’s.
Team Trivia
8:30 PM. Innuendo.
Karaoke with Killer B’s
9 PM. Saloon.
Karaoke with John
9 PM. Town House.
Diamond Diva Drag Show
10 PM. Gay 90’s.
Fiesta Latina
10 PM. Saloon.

WEDNESDAYS
Bango with Mother Pearl
Benefits The Aliveness Project
5:30 PM. Saloon.
Debbie Duncan
8 PM. Camp.
Drag Show
9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s.
September 11–24, 2009

Karaoke
10 PM. Bolt.
Hump Night: Male Dancers
Saloon

THURSDAYS
Trivia with Carl

48
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49
Saloon
Mega Bingo
Benefits MS Society
6:30 PM. Gay 90’s.
Progressive Bingo
Benefits The Aliveness Project
8 PM. Bolt.
Chamber
9 PM. Bolt Underground.
Drag Show
9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s.
Karaoke with John
9 PM. Innuendo.
Pumps and Pearls Drag Revue
10 PM. Town House.
Boys Night Out
Saloon

FRIDAYS
Erin Schwab
6 PM. Camp.
Karaoke with Twyla
9 PM. Piano Lounge. Town House.
Drag Show:
Red Carpet with Candi Stratton
9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s.
Male Dancers
10 PM. Gay 90’s.
Mineshaft
Bolt Underground
Wet! Male Dancers
Saloon

SATURDAYS
Jeff Olson
8 PM. Tickles.
Lori Dokken & Friends
9 PM. Piano Lounge. Town House.
Drag Show
9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s.
Male Dancers
10 PM. Innuendo/Rumours.
Male Dancers
10 PM. Gay 90’s.

SUNDAYS
Showtunes
5 PM. Bolt.
Karaoke with John & Trover
7 PM. Piano Lounge. Town House.
Mia Dorr
8 PM. Camp.
Karaoke with Jamie & Jeremy
9 PM. Innuendo.
Pumps and Pearls Drag Revue
9 PM. Town House.
September 11–24, 2009

Drag Show
9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s.
Amateur Shower Contest
11 PM. Saloon.

Check out our online “Bar Advertiser Guide” Web


links at <www.LavenderMagazine.com>.

50
LavenderMagazine.com

51
Cuisine > Off the Eaten Path

El Meson [ by Heidi Fellner ]

I
t wasn’t my first trip to El Meson, although quite some 4-6 PM, where tapas ranges from just $3 to $5.
time had passed since I last dined there. Looking back And the tapas—oh, the tapas! El Meson’s small plates seem
on the experience, I can’t explain why I have been ab- to offer a little something more in terms of depth and com-
sent. The location is convenient; the food and service plexity than one may find elsewhere. Cantapalitos ($7.95) of-
always are memorable; the prices are more than fair; and fers a smoky, tangy kick, thanks to sherry vinaigrette, grilled
the Spanish and Caribbean flavors are a welcome departure from chorizo, sautéed artichoke hearts, and sweet onions. For some
the Italian/French/Asian culinary hub. My inability to provide reason, the only taste descriptor sticking as I write this, a day
some rational excuse for my unintentional disregard of the place later, is that it mimics a kind of sausage slaw.
almost has me trying to find fault with El Meson, much like a Gambas al Ajillo ($8.95), also from the tapas menu, pro-
lover who secretly is nursing a fear of commitment. vides a very approachable introduction to El Meson’s clear
Soon after restauranteur Erin Ungerman starts us off with a specialty, which is fresh seafood. Shrimp, sautéed with white
glass of Rosado Brut ($7/$24)—a Spanish dry sparkling red wine wine, garlic, and parsley, are plated so nicely that they are
that simultaneously exudes both innocence and a playful wit—I almost too pretty to eat.
realize the only fault has been mine. On behalf of such inatten- From the entradas list, we were treated to Croquetas
September 11–24, 2009

tive lovers the world over, let me offer my humble apology. ($8.95)—two pleasantly portly crab cakes with roasted red
Fortunately, El Meson tempers such introspection with pepper sauce, garnished with apple and fennel. Jerk seasoning
an excellent wine selection, including a velvety smooth Mon- gives the cakes an unexpected twist and a bit of heat.
tecillo Rioja ($37). Most bottles of wine are half-price Sunday Next, Ceviche ($10.95), which was absolutely incredible, and
through Thursday, with a minimum food purchase of $25. one of the favorite tastes of the evening. Bursting with lime, and
Incredible deals also can be found on the happy hour menu, rich with the juices of blanched shrimp, scallops, calamari, and hal-

Photos by Hubert Bonnet


52
ibut, it can be scooped up on a few fried slices ing what the rest of El Meson has to offer.
of accompanying plantain, but really requires With a menu so extensive and varied, it is
no other conduit but a spoon. If your table is the perfect place to take a group of friends
limited either by budget or appetite, Ceviche who aren’t finicky about sharing bites.
is definitely worth the investment. It is enliv- At this point in the evening, the staff at
ened further by a good crisp white wine, and El Meson had gained my trust fully, so I
Ungerman’s recommendation of Verdemar dug into Coconut Flan ($6) without hesita-
Albarino ($37) is spot-on—clean, light, and tion. Though not by nature a flan-fan, the
accommodating of the heavy citrus. texture won me over in an instant—a sweet,
For our entrées, Ungerman made two creamy fantasy of coconut and caramel.
very bold choices: Conchas, pan-seared Key Lime Pie ($6) is served with mango
scallops ($17.95); and Ternero, oven-roast- coulis, which, despite all reasoning, actually
ed beef tenderloin ($17.95). seems to bring out the perky lime, rather
Scallops are sensitive creatures—they spoil than dominating it.
quickly, and are overcooked in the flashiest of If, like me, you have found yourself ig-
flashes. If I were to indulge myself in the form noring such a culinary sweetheart, perhaps
of fairy tale anthropomorphism, a scallop is it’s time you were reacquainted. El Meson is
very like the princess who couldn’t tolerate suffering the ill effects of a prolonged con-
so much as a pea. But El Meson knows how struction project along that stretch of Lyn-
to treat such a delicate maid with love (in the dale Avenue, but parking seems to be plenti-
form of saffron butter sauce), so that her ten- ful on nearby side streets. Once inside, you’ll
derness and sweetness can emerge. find it just as welcoming as ever.
Ungerman’s second entrée selection was
also unexpected, following the wealth of EL MESON
seafood dishes. However, I’m forever grate- 3450 LYNDALE AVE. S., MPLS.
ful for the beef tenderloin. Paired with the (612) 822-8062
<WWW.ELMESONBISTRO.COM> (Above) Crab Croquetas with Roasted Red Pepper Sauce
previously noted Rioja, it has me wonder- (Below) Ceviche Served with Fried Plantains.

LavenderMagazine.com

53
Cuisine > Nutrition
[ by Darin Schwinkendorf ]

Healthier
Treats

S
ome people get the impression
that “health-nuts” never eat or
drink anything not considered
“healthy.” That’s nonsense, and
it severely would limit the won-
derful, complex variety of tastes available to
us. Although I consider myself, and many
of those around me, extremely health-con-
scious, room always exists for a tasty treat
every now and again. This is not to say that
we cannot put a healthy spin on some of the
classics and/or make up our own health-
promoting so-called “forbidden” foods. I
can tell you two things for certain:
(1) Getting out of a “treat” habit is dif-
ficult to accomplish.
(2) Once out of a “treat” habit, or once
a healthier alternative (just as tasty!) is
introduced, the old “treat” rarely will be
desired.
Most health-conscious people do eat
dessert. We also eat other gut-bombs,
such as pizza, etc. However, it is a rather
rare occasion, and the food/drink has to be
the most tasty, scrumptious piece of satis-
faction in order to go near it. I, for one, do
not mess around with something that only
would provide me mediocre satisfaction.
September 11–24, 2009

It just is not worth it, in my opinion.


Anyway, we have strayed a bit from the
article’s theme. The following are some ideas
for healthier treats, if you need to satisfy that
“treat” tooth every now and again—in in-
creasing order of my personal liking.

54
“GREEK DESIRE”
Mix about one cup of fat-free Greek
yogurt (I like Oikos Plain) with one scoop
of vanilla whey protein powder. (I have not
tried chocolate or other flavors, but I am sure
it also would taste good). I choose Greek
yogurt, because it has about three times the
protein content of regular yogurt. I choose
the plain version, because it has essentially
no sugar. The vanilla whey protein takes
out what I would consider the “awkward”
flavor of just plain Greek yogurt, and turns
it into a fabulous vanilla-flavored Greek
yogurt that is both high in protein and low
in sugar. To this concoction, I add roughly
one cup of red grapes (other fruit works as
well—whatever you like); one cup of plain
fiber one cereal (this gives it loads of fiber
and bulk—be careful, though, as my body
is adapted to super-high fiber contents);
and a touch of cinnamon (actually, more
like a load for me, as I love cinnamon). I
know it sounds weird, and you are wonder-
ing what I was thinking when I discovered
this little clique, but trust me, try it before
you say another word. Feel free to put your
own spin on it to cater to your needs and
desires. I do not even consider this dessert.
I eat it for breakfast on nearly a daily basis!
That, a small square of dark chocolate, and
a cup (clearing throat noises...I mean pot)
of coffee are what I look forward to each
and every morning.

“PEANUT-BUTTER FREAK”
OK. I am a peanut-butter freak. I could
eat it plain, or on just about anything. I
know other peanut-butter freaks are out
there, so this one is for you. Take any type
of whole-wheat tortilla. Spread about two
tablespoons of peanut butter onto the tor-
tilla. Follow this by spreading fat-free cool
whip over the peanut butter. Fold it up,
and enjoy! This is one of the most simple,
yet very tasty, treats that my brother got
me hooked on. Again, I love cinnamon, so
I sprinkle some into the mix as well.

Hmm. I think I just got an idea. We


could replace the cool whip in the “Pea-
nut-Butter Freak” with the “Greek De-
sire” mix (minus the fruit). Well, that is
my third treat tip of the day. I will perfect
that one soon.
I know these ideas sound strange. Yes, I
am a strange person. Try them, and decide
for yourself. I would rather eat any of the
LavenderMagazine.com

above than just about any other treat I have


been exposed to in my lifetime. (One excep-
tion is my mother’s monster cookies.) I hope
they satisfy you as much as they do me.

55
Dining Guide Listing |
AVERAGE PRICE OF A TYPICAL ENTREE
$ LESS THAN $15, $$ $15-$25, $$$ MORE THAN $25

Our Guide to the Metro Eateries Featured in This


Issue Lavender Magazine’s Dining Guide is your
resource to GLBT-friendly restaurants. We rec-
ommend calling restaurants before visiting to
confirm information.

ANDY’S GARAGE $
American
Classic American diner serving burgers, fresh-cut
fries and malts.
Lunch, Dinner
920 E. Lakes St., Minneapolis (612) 886-2602
Mon – Sat: 10 AM – 8 PM, Sun: 11 AM – 6 PM

CHAMBERS KITCHEN $$$


Asian Inspired
This energetic dining hot spot features the highest
quality local ingredients prepared in a way that allows
their natural flavors to stand on their own.
Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch, Dinner
901 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis (612) 767-6999
Sun: 6:30 AM – 9 PM, Mon – Thurs: 6:30 AM – 10 PM,
Fri – Sat: 6:30 AM – 11PM

DANCING GANESHA $$
Contemporary Indian
We would like you to come & enjoy our novel Indian
cuisines in an extraordinary ambiance.
Lunch, Dinner
1100 Harmon Pl., Minneapolis (612) 388-1877
Mon – Sat: 11 AM – 2 PM, 4 PM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11
AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 9 PM

ELSIE’S $
American
New banquet room and cozy bar for private parties.
Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner
729 Marshall St. NE, Minneapolis (612) 378-9701
Mon – Thurs: 6 AM – 11 PM • Fri: 6 AM – 12 AM
• Sat: 8 AM – 12 AM • Sun: 8 AM – 11 PM

FUJI YA JAPANESE RESTAURANT $$


Japanese & Sushi
Authentic Japanese food, finest sushi available, Up-
town Minneapolis, downtown St. Paul.
600 W. Lake St., Minneapolis (612) 871-4055
Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat:
5 PM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 5 PM – 9 PM
465 N. Wabasha, St. Paul (651) 310-0111 • Mon – Fri:
Lunch 11:30 AM – 2 PM. Dinner 5 PM—10 PM • Sat:
Dinner 5 PM – 10 PM • Sun: Closed

THE GRANDVIEW GRILL $


American
Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets,
pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches.
Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch
1818 Grand Ave., St. Paul (651) 698-2346
Mon – Fri: 6:15 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:15 AM – 3 PM
• Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

HOLY LAND BRAND INC. $


Lebanese, Greek, Middle Eastern
Delicious Middle Eastern award-winning restaurant
featuring authentic Mama Fatima’s original recipes.
September 11–24, 2009

Lunch, Dinner
2513 Central Ave. NE, Minneapolis (612) 781-2627 or
(612) 870-6104 for Midtown
Mon – Thurs: 9 AM – 10 PM (May – Sept) and 9 AM – 9 PM
(Oct – April) • Fri – Sat: 9 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 9 AM – 9 PM

KINDEE THAI $
Thai
This isn’t your traditional everyday Thai restaurant.

56
Lunch, Dinner
719 S. 2nd St., Minneapolis (612) 465-8303
Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 11:30 AM – 9 PM • Fri:
11:30 AM – 10:30 PM • Sat: 11 AM – 10:30 PM • Sun:
11 AM – 9 PM

THE LOUISIANA CAFÉ $


American
Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, om-
elets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sand-
wiches.
Breakfast, Brunch,
613 Selby Ave., St. Paul (651) 221-9140
Mon – Fri: 6:30 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:30 AM – 3 PM
• Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

MANNY’S TORTAS $
Mexican
Gourmet Mexican sandwiches and fabulous desserts.
Lunch, Dinner
1515 E. Lake (Mercado Central) (612) 728-5408
Daily: 8 AM – 8 PM
2700 E. Lake (Coliseum Building) (612) 728-1778
Mon – Thurs: 10 AM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat: 10 AM – 11
PM • Sun: 10 AM – 4 PM
920 E. Lake (Midtown Global Market) (612) 870-1820
Mon – Sat: 10 AM – 8 PM, Sun: 11 AM – 6 PM

NEW UPTOWN DINER $


American
Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets,
pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches.
Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch
2548 Hennepin Ave. S. Minneapolis (612) 874-0481
Mon – Wed: 6 AM – 3 PM • Thurs – Sat: 24 Hours
• Sun: Close at 6 PM

PARK TAVERN BOWLING & ENTERTAIN-


MENT CENTER $
American
50 years of dining & entertainment – award winning
food, groups up to 300.
Weekend Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Late Night Daily
3401 Louisiana Ave., St. Louis Park (952) 929-6810
Mon – Fri: 10:30 AM – 12:30 AM • Sat – Sun: 9 AM
– 12:30 AM

SUSHI TANGO $$
Japanese
Exciting and eccentric mix of Japanese cuisine and
Uptown attitude.
Lunch, Dinner
Calhoun Square, (612) 822-7787
Mon – Wed: 5 PM – 1 AM • Thurs – Sun: Noon – 1 AM

TOAST WINE BAR AND CAFÉ $


Wine bar with Italian influence
Neighborhood wine bar serving pizzas, cured meats
and small plates.
Dinner
415 N. 1st St., Minneapolis, MN (612) 333-4305
Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 11 PM • Fri – Sat: 5 PM – 12 AM
• Sun: 5 PM – 11 PM

THE WOODBURY CAFÉ $


American
Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets,
pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches.
Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch
Bielenberg & Tamarack, Woodbury, MN (651) 209-8182
Mon – Fri: 7 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 7 AM – 3 PM • Sun:
8 AM – 3 PM

ZEN FUSION RESTAURANT $


Asian Contemporary
LavenderMagazine.com

Authentic pan-Asian food with a contemporary


French twist.
Lunch, Dinner
3016 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 822-8896
Sun – Thurs: 11 AM – 9 PM • Fri – Sat: 11 AM – 10
PM

57
Out in the Stars |
[ by Charlene Lichtenstein ]

Horoscope for Sept. 11-24 Venus moves into


Virgo, and we become a little more practical
in all love matters. Will it result in an incredible
flight of fancy? Only if we can get a discounted
first-class ticket.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20)


Proud Rams heat up the water cooler to a boil at work
when someone in the next office catches their eye. As
you linger, and try desperately to impress, keep an eye
out for suspicious bosses and coworkers who are ready
to reprimand. Slackers will not feel the love anywhere
around the office. At least try to look busy. However,
filing in your neighbors’ cubicle does not count.

TAURUS (APRIL 21-MAY 21)


Give yourself a break from the routine, and find cre-
ative ways to pass the time. Anything fun and frivolous
is enjoyed to the hilt. You even may find some payoff
by the end of the period. A flirty, flagrant romance is
possible. Make yourself available for anything that life
has to offer, queer Bull. At very least, it will provide you
with some hilarious stories to tell this winter.

GEMINI (MAY 22-JUNE 21)


Pink Twins feel especially close to certain relatives this
period, which is no surprise. They just seem to be more
agreeable and reasonable. Why ask why? Just follow
through on your instincts, and work toward break-
throughs in any long-standing disagreements. Both
sides can offer compromise and reconciliation. Now
that things are settling down, find new issues to cover.
September 11–24, 2009

CANCER (JUNE 22-JULY 23)


You seem to know just what to say to get what you want
this period. Gay Crabs are given the gift of gab, and
should use it to their advantage. People are listening
who can be charmed and cajoled for anything and
everything. Hurry! Before you know it, your pearls of
wisdom get strung out, and you will be back to your
plaintive begging for any conversational scraps.

58
LEO (JULY 24-AUGUST 23)
If you are smart, you can use the period to amass a for-
tune of goodwill…along with some fairly good sound
financial advice. If you can focus on the bottom line,
some are ready to help you wring more profit from your
bone-dry accounts. Of course, some practical, proud
Lions would rather just marry wealthy. Keep dreaming.

VIRGO (AUGUST 24-SEPTEMBER 23)


You are the star of the Pride Parade. Queer Virgins can
command center stage, and draw all the applause and
accolades. So, use the period to get Out of your shell,
meet, greet, and expand your network of acquain-
tances. Someone can help you change the course of
events in the coming months. How friendly can you be
without touching?

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 24-OCTOBER 23)


Delightful secrets are exposed, and so are you. Proud
Libras are more intuitive, spiritual, and emotionally
peaceful. Use the period to do good gay deeds, and
build up your karma points. Great rewards are possible
if you volunteer, and expand your outreach. A secret
admirer now is revealed. Is this someone who thrills
you or chills you? Better wear a sweater.

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 24-NOVEMBER 22)


Friendships heat up, as you discover a gem among the
assorted trash. Proud Scorps are especially sociable,
and expand their circle into new exciting spheres. Be-
come more involved in lofty organizations and elite,
powerful groups. The people you meet will show you a
new thing or two. As you know, you never can have too
many new things to ring-a-ding.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 23—DECEMBER 22)


Even if you have limited career aspirations this period,
you find ways of impressing the corporate senior staff
with your sharp skills and strategic designs. Reach for
the gold ring despite your lassitude. Charm the snakes
and sharks while you can, and use all that goodwill for
future fun and profit. It is always more fun when profit
is in the future.

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 23-JANUARY 20)


Resolve to get out of your routine, and expand your
horizons this period. Whether that means taking a new
course of study or traveling is entirely up to you. If time
and money are tight, find new experiences closer to
home. Pink Caps have been known to fall into ruts. Now,
dig yourself out. Discover people, places, and ideas that
spur your juices. Will you be shaken or stirred?

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 19)


Turn a light flirtation into something much, much more
this period. Lusty Aqueerians can pick and choose their
conquests. Attractive folks find you alluring and sen-
sual, as you draw an admiring crowd. But be discern-
ing. It is too easy to dissipate your energies on wilde,
acrobatic lovers who shamelessly use you as their sex
toy. Err…this is bad?

PISCES (FEBRUARY 20-MARCH 20)


Spread the good vibes with a spatula this period. You
just may whip certain relationships into a frenzy. Gup-
pies manage to find delightful ways to demonstrate
their affections for their close companions. But noth-
ing’s like something practical and needed that will get
their heartstrings plucked. How about doing the laun-
LavenderMagazine.com

dry? OK, think of something else.

© 2009 THE STARRY EYE, LLC. All Rights Reserved. For Enter-
tainment Purposes Only. Lichtenstein’s blog <www.thestarry-
eye.typepad.com/newage> is all things New Age. Her astrol-
ogy book HerScopes: A Guide to Astrology for Lesbians is the
best in tongue-in-cheek astrology.

59
The Network
Business Profile |
Accounting_________ Chiropractic________
[ by Heidi Fellner ]

BETH RICHARDSON
Adult Products_____
Computer Sales & Services

Astrology__________
Event Planning______

Barbers___________

B
uying or selling a home is
likely to be the largest finan-
Financial Services___ cial transaction Americans
make in their lives. However,
Beth Richardson, a realtor
with RE/MAX Results, often finds that a
customer may have a more thorough in-
terview with a potential hairdresser.
Richardson says, “Most people don’t
ask many questions of their real estate
agent about how long they’ve been at it, or
how many transactions they do. I’ve been
at it for 18 years, and I do between 60 and
100 deals a year.”
On average, the number of deals a real-
tor makes is closer to eight a year.
Beauty & Relaxation _ For Richardson, real estate is a full-
time job. She encourages her clients to
consider the long-term value of a property
very carefully.
As Richardson explains, “I think the
biggest mistake that people make when
they don’t have good service—meaning
good help in terms of guidance in real
estate—is remembering that they need
to sell this property when they get done
September 11–24, 2009

with it. If they buy something that some-


body else doesn’t want, then they’re go-
ing to have a hard time getting rid of it at
some point.”
For her buyers, Richardson is able to
see past creative staging, looking carefully
at the floor plan, the location, and the

60
The Network

overall condition of the property to help


Home Services______
her clients make an appropriate offer.
Even in a buyer’s market, Richardson
warns her clients not to overplay their
hand. Prices may have dropped, but a
buyer should not assume that he or she is
the only one who may be interested in a
particular home.
Richardson warns, “If a bank is asking
$100,000 for a house, there’s a notion that
you could get it for $50,000, and that’s not
realistic.”
That said, it remains an excellent time
to consider adding an investment property Health/Fitness_____
to one’s portfolio. It goes without saying,
therefore, that sellers would be served best
by postponing a sale if possible to avoid
rock bottom pricing.
Richardson states, “If you don’t want
to price accordingly, you shouldn’t be in
the market right now. This is a price war
and a beauty contest, and you have to win
both of those things.”
Although Richardson’s office is in St. Home Services______
Paul, she works throughout the Twin Cit-
ies and surrounding suburbs. To set up
an appointment, call (651) 646-2100, or
e-mail <bethrichardson@movingtomin
nesota.com>.

NAME OF COMPANY: RE/MAX RESULTS


YEAR FOUNDED: MINNEAPOLIS FRANCHISE
FOUNDED 1986
PRESIDENT/CEO: DAVE LINIGER
LOCAL FRANCHISE OWNER: JOHN COLLOPY
NUMBER OF EMPLOYEES: RE/MAX INTERNATIONAL
HAS MORE THAN 60,000 REAL ESTATE AGENTS
WORLDWIDE; RE/MAX RESULTS HAS 450 REAL ESTATE
AGENTS LOCALLY
ADDRESS: 2100 FORD PKWY., STE. 201, ST. PAUL,
PHONE: (651) 646-2100
WEB SITE: <WWW.MOVINGTOMINNESOTA.COM>

LavenderMagazine.com

61
The Network
Calendar |
Home Services___ Home Services___ [ LavenderMagazine.com ]

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11
South Central Minnesota Pride. Taking Pride to the
south, Mankato is hosting South Central Minnesota
Pride. For the past eight years, Mankato has given
GLBT residents of Southern Minnesota a reason to
celebrate, and this year is no exception, with a kickoff
“Queeraoke” party. For a full list of fun-filled events
for the weekend, visit <www.scmnpride.org>. Sept.
11-13. Mankato, MN.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13
Meet Thom Bierdz. Thom Bierdz, actor from The
Young And the Restless and author of Forgiving Troy,
will be showcasing his artwork, and talking about his
very diverse talents, in a once-in-a-lifetime-chance
showcase. 4-7 PM. Jean Stephen Galleries, 917 Nicol-
let Mall, Mpls. (612) 338-4333. <www.jeanstephengal-
leries.com>.

Thom Bierdz. Photo © John Paschal/jpistudios.com

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
GLBT Host Home Program Informational Meeting.
On any given night in Minnesota, approximately 200
GLBT youth are homeless and living on the streets.
With the help of Avenues for Homeless Youth, some of
them can be given temporary shelter and a new start.
If you’d like more information about this program, at-
tend either of their upcoming meetings. Sept. 15, 6-8
PM. Hosmer Library, 347 E. 36th St., Mpls. <www.hclib.
org>. Sept. 17, 6-8 PM. Midtown YWCA, 2121 E. Lake
St., Mpls. <www.ywca-minneapolis.org>.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17
The Importance of Being Earnest. The classic Oscar
Wilde tale of Jack Worthing and Algernon Moncrieff
tells the story of young carefree dandies who each
have created an imaginary character so that they may
visit their loves, and win their hearts, but not every-
thing works out as they plan. Through Nov. 8. Guthrie
Theater, 818 S. 2nd St., Mpls. (612) 377-2224. <www.

Insurance__________ guthrietheater.org>.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18
Becky’s New Car. Join in for a night of wistfulness,
as a socially inept millionaire falls for Becky at first
sight, and her life begins to take some unexpected
turns—much to the dismay of her husband, Joe. This
September 11–24, 2009

is one road trip that lets the audience ride shotgun in


a way most plays don’t even dare. Through Oct 4. Park
Square Theatre, 20 W. 7th Pl., St. Paul. (651) 291-7005.
<www.parksquaretheatre.org>.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19
Super Monkey. This impressive tale of an elite group
of individuals living in a modern urban condominium
and the people who serve them tells the universal sto-

62
The Network

Insurance__________ Pet Products


& Services

Becky's New Car. Photo by Petronella Ystma

ry of poisonous status obsession, miscommunication,


and fear of the unknown. Through Oct. 4. Guthrie
Theater, 818 S. 2nd St., Mpls. (612) 377-2224. <www.
guthrietheater.org>.
Psychoterapy_______

Super Monkey. Photo by Eric Melzer

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21
Ladyhawke. European sensation and sultry vocalist
Ladyhawke is bringing her infectious hooks and synth
melodies to the Twin Cities for one night only. Don’t
miss this up-and-coming GLBT icon. 9 PM. Fine Line
Music Café, 318 1st Ave. N., Mpls. (612) 338-8100.
<www.finelinemusic.com>.
Real Estate_________
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26
The Hartford 5K PACE Race for Prostate Cancer
Awareness. With one in six men affected in their
lifetime by prostate cancer, a simple blood test can
help save lives. Join in, and help raise awareness in
this horrible cancer. 9 AM. Lake Nokomis, Mpls. (651)
688-9143. <pacerace.org>.
Walk for Water. Give Us Wings is hosting a 5K walk
to help raise funds for Nyaoga villagers who trek hours
along an eight-mile path to severely polluted, cholera-
infested Lake Victoria, their only water source. With
LavenderMagazine.com

the help of donors, more than 10,000 people have


been connected to clean water, but thousands are still
without. 9 AM registration and walk. Ford Dam Scenic
Overlook Park, Mississippi River Blvd. S., St. Paul. (651)
789-5606. <www.giveuswings.org/5k>.

63
The Network Classifieds
Brief |
Real Estate_________ Arts

GROCERIES & DELI ON


HARMON OPENS

Business Opportunities

On August 21, Groceries & Deli on


Harmon opened at 1301 Harmon Place,
Minneapolis.
Kent Thomas, one of the owners of
Metro Market in Downtown’s North
Loop neighborhood, has teamed up with
new partners Jag Arora, Pat Burns, and
Kathy and Greg Gillard. The goal is to be Employment
a fixture in the neighborhood.
Thomas, who has been in the grocery
business since 1980, says, “We are dedi-
cated to convenience, friendliness, and
providing the products that the neighbors
want and need in their store. Everything
we do is tailored to what the area needs.”
Groceries & Deli on Harmon will offer
full salad and olive bar; grab-and-go sand-
wiches; fresh daily pastries; muffins and
cookies made fresh daily onsite; pot roast LEASING SPECIALIST - Salary plus
commission. You will aggressively lease
served daily; soup special daily; hot break- apartments within the Bigos Mgmt portfolio.
fast, lunch, and dinner specials. Must be able to rapidly familiarize yourself
with the community particulars, including the
Groceries & Deli on Harmon will of- following duties: generating and handling
fer other amenities not previously found traffic, leasing apartments, qualifying
prospects, and preparing documentation.
in the area, including a full line of gro- May be assigned to new or existing sites.
ceries, such as fresh vegetables and fruit, May be involved in the development of
meats and cheeses, beer, ice, milk, juices, leasing skills in our leasing staff, and may be
called upon to assist in conducting leasing
ice cream, cereals, and cigarettes. Fresh- training programs. Must be professional in
brewed coffee will be available all day. appearance, attitude and communication
(verbal and written). Must have the desire
Arora, who will be doing much of and ability to sell a product successfully.
September 11–24, 2009

the cooking and food selection, remarks, Must be willing to travel to all Bigos locations
occasionally and work occasional evenings
“We’re dedicated to serving any number and weekends. Minimum of Associates
of customers who are on the go, and want Degree in Business or related exp. 5-7 years
to eat well. We’ll mix up the menu, and sales and Property Management experience.
Previous experience in an apartment lease-
also serve regular favorites. Ultimately, we up environment preferred. Send resumes to
are a one-stop shop for this whole part of lzacher@tbigos.com or fax to (763) 367-7151.
Please include salary requirements. EOE.
Downtown.”

64
Classifieds
Events Real Estate Rental-Residential
NE Minneapolis, quiet neighborhood. Lover
level, spacious 2 BR, nicely remodeled,
garage, laundry included. Near downtown, on
busline. Pets negotiable. $800 plus utilities.
Available now. (612) 781-5952
CARAG Neighborhood - Totally renovated 3
BR, 1 BA duplex. Gleaming wood floors, dark
woodwork, ceiling fans, blinds throughout.
Kitchen: stainless sink; microwave, dishwasher.
BA: marble tile. Formal dining room with built-
ins. Laundry, storage. Classic brick, stucco
exterior, wrought iron fence, refraining wall.
Heated garage available. Blocks from Rose
Garden/Harriet/Calhoun. No pets/smoking.
MUST SEE. Available now. $1400 plus utilities.
(612) 282-1500.

Roommates
SW MPLS - share large 3 BR, 2 BA with
Health/Fitness Psychotherapy single, professional, responsible but fun
47 year-old female. Close (not too close) to
Dan Maki, MA, LMFT – Individual, Couples freeway, Southdale area, 12 blocks to Lk.
501 FIT. Strength with Class. Improve your Harriet. $600 month includes utilities, DirecTV,
life. Fun, Effective and Affordable Strength and Family Therapy. Helping people build
confidence, hope and fulfillment in life and garage and monthly housekeeper. Room has
Training Classes. Try “1” Class for FREE! 501 hardwood floors & a large closet. Furnished
Washington Ave. S. 3rd Fl., Minneapolis, MN. relationships. Offices in Uptown Minneapolis
and the South Metro. (952) 936-2800. www. or unfurnished. No smoking. No pets. (612)
(612) 767-4415. www.501fit.com. 730-5349.
CareMinders® Home Care. Customized danmaki.com.
IRENE GREENE, MSEd, Psychotherapist: Share 3 BR quiet S. Mpls home with 2 guys.
Services To Meet Individual Needs in: Carpeted upper bedroom, busline, hardwood
Skilled Nursing, Live-In Care, Respite Care, 24 years experience. Individual, Couples
Counseling, Mediation. Life changes, floors, cable, internet, laundry, Nice walkable
Medication Reminders, Meal Preparation, neighborhood. No smoking/pets. $300 + 1/3
Light Housekeeping, Companion Care, relationship, gender, sexuality, parenting,
anger, anxiety, depression. Coming Out, utilites & deposit. (612) 866- 2339.
Transportation. Caregivers screened by
industry exclusive 12-point background check. Sexual Abuse, DID Groups. Sliding fee.
(612) 435-7140. www.careminders.com. Professional, nonjudgmental, confidential.
(612) 874-6442. irenegreene@earthlink.net.
Spa Services
THE SPA by PetertGlaser@yahoo.com. 2736
Home Furnishings Real Estate Hennepin, UPTOWN. 612.986.4929 Catering
to the Beauty Rituals for all Men and Women.
COTTAGE HOUSE • An Occasional Market • Handcrafted Natural Facials. Body and
Next sale: OCTOBER SALE! • OCTOBER 7, 8, Brazilian Waxing and Trimming. Manicures.
9, 10, 11. Wednesday: 1 - 8pm. Thurs-Fri 10am Pedicures. Massage.
- 8pm, Sat-Sun: 10am - 6pm • 4304 Chicago
Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN
Therapeutic Massage
Home Services
GOT ME? I’ll do your body good. Swedish,
CARPENTER - 10 YEARS EXPERIENCE. Deep Tissue, Shiatsu & Tui Na. Downtown
Integrity, quick turn around. Kitchens, location. In/Out. Call anytime. Kurt, CMT:
Bathrooms, WINDOWS, DOORS. (612) 338-3329.
Remodeling, Rehabs. Tile work, fine finishing, FULL BODY DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE. Relax
custom decks & siding. Licensed & fully & Unwind from Head to Toe. Private S. Mpls
insured. NO JOB TOO SMALL. (612) 247- Studio. Music, Candles, Jacuzzi, Full Bath. In/
0691. Portfolio, Referrals. Out Calls. 7 days. 10am - 10pm. (612) 388-
Current Affairs Electric, Inc. Full Service 8993, Keith.
Electricians, Personalized Service, BEHAVIORS MASSAGE - Integrated,
Affordable Rates, Prompt Response. License massage/bodywork. Graeme Sterling -
#CA05093, Bonded, Insured, Commercial, Rejuvenate your body - Relax your mind.
Residential. Twin Cities Metro, MN. Sahir: Promoting healthy lifestyles through massage
(612) 817-9213, Carl: (612) 220-6273. www. Private wooded acreage in Pepin, WI hides for over 8 years. New Franklin Mansion private
currentaffairselectricinc.com. this beautifully remodeled 3 bedroom, 3 bath studio. 10% off 1st visit. (763) 807-6686.
home. Licensed Bed & Breakfast. $299,900. THERAPEUTIC HANDS. Swedish/Deep
Bill Jewson, (866) 565-2618. www.jewsonrealty. Tissue, Shiatsu. Energizing relaxation. Call
House Cleaning com. Bob at (763) 208-4056 for appointment.
NOMI - Old Highland Northside Evenings & weekends available.
The Maids Home Services gives you the Neighborhood - 2003 Custom Built Two-Story FULL BODY MASSAGE. Warm relaxing
healthiest, most thorough housecleaning, House, 4BR, 3BA, 2500 sqft, Corner Lot with atmosphere, Minneapolis. Hour Massage
guaranteed! Supervised teams, bonded, Downtown View - Purchase $225,000 ~OR~ $60.00. Shower Available. (612) 219-6743. 7
insured, environmentally safe cleaning Rent $1650/mo ~OR~ Rent to Own. Call for days a week, 10 am - 10 pm. Therapist: 5'10,
products are why Nobody Outcleans The details, 612-588-5025. 167#, 32 waist.
Maids.® Free estimates (952) 929-6243. www. Stressed? Overworked? Sore Muscles? Find
maids.com.
Rental-Residential relief & get $20.00 OFF regular price. (Reg;
$60 hr, $70 1.5 hr). Swedish, Deep Tissue,
Psychotherapy VERY NICE BRYN MAWR DUPLEX. Located Relaxation. 2-10:00 PM. Doug, CMT: (612)
in the heart of Bryn Mawr at Laurel and 229-0415.
Thomas South. Busline is close and the new STRONG & RELAXING hands, resulting in
LavenderMagazine.com

OWEN KONECNIK, MA, MSW, LGSW. Let’s


work together to make the changes you seek Twins stadium is a short bike ride. Major bodywork at its best! Bruck, MT, DC in South
in your life. Individual and couple’s therapy. renovations just completed. This very nice Minneapolis @ (612) 306-6323.
Sliding Scale Fee. Lake and Lyndale location. upstairs unit has two bedrooms plus a lot of Deep Relaxing Massage, 1 hour $60.00. Over
(612) 558-6094. owen@counselorminneapolis. living space. $1,100 per month includes heat. 20 years experience. Call Stephen: (612) 875-
com. Dogs allowed. Great location. (763) 234-6729. 6677.

65
Community Connection

Community Connection brings visi- on approach to science, learning and Ordway Center for the Performing Arts
bility to local GLBT-friendly non-prof- Education entertainment.
120 West Kellogg Blvd.
Serving our community through hosting,
presenting, creating performing arts and
it organizations. To reserve your list- Minnesota Online Highschool
ing in Community Connection, call Get ready for college and life with a St. Paul, MN educational programs enriching diverse
612-436-4698 or email advertising@ supportive, online, public school that fits 651-221-2547 www.smm.org audiences.
lavendermagazine.com. you 345 Washington St. St. Paul, MN
1313 5 Street, SE, Suite 227 Performing Arts (651) 224-4222 www.ordway.org
Minneapolis, MN 55414 Bloomington Civic Theatre
Phone: 1-800-764-8166 x 111 Bloomington Civic Theatre brings the best Park Square Theatre
Fax: 1-866-586-2870 of Broadway musicals under the direction Creating entertainment that matters;
Website: www.mnohs.org of John Command. transporting you to unique worlds through
Addiction Info & Treatment 1800 W. Old Shakopee Rd. exceptional talent and masterful stories.
20 West Seventh Pl. Saint Paul, MN
Hazelden
Providing comprehensive treatment,
Events Bloomington, MN
(952) 563-8575 (651) 291-7005
Minnesota AIDS Trek www.parksquaretheatre.org
recovery solutions. Helping people reclaim Annual Bike Trek To Benefit Top Shelf, www.bloomingtoncivictheatre.org
their lives from the disease of addiction. AIDS Care Partners, Camp Benedict, UCLA Theater Latté Da
P.O. Box 11 Vaccine Program. Brazen Theatre Exploring And Expanding The Art of
15251 Pleasant Valley Rd Center City, MN 3017 York Ave. N. Robbinsdale, MN Plays, Musicals, Cabaret and Other Musical theater Under The Artistic Direction
(800) 257-7800 www.hazelden.org (763) 522-8067 Entertainment for Adventurous Audiences. of Peter Rothstein.
info@aids-trek.org www.aids-trek.org See Individual Ads for Venue Minneapolis, MN
AIDS/HIV Information & (414) 248-6481
www.brazentheatre.org
612-339-3003 www.latteda.org
Treatment Red Ribbon Ride
Four-day Bike Ride in July Benefiting Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus
Aliveness Project, The Guthrie Theater
Community Center for Individuals Living Seven HIV/AIDS Service Organizations in An award-winning chorus that builds
Minnesota. Come On In! Performances, Classes, community through music and offers
with HIV/AIDS -- On-site Meals, Food Shelf Dining, Tours.
and Supportive Services. 4457 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN entertainment worth coming out for!
(612) 822-2110 www.redribbonride.org 818 South 2nd St. Minneapolis, MN 528 Hennepin Ave., Suite 307
730 East 38th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 377-2224 www.guthrietheater.org
(612) 824-LIFE (5433) www.aliveness.org Minneapolis, MN
Graphic Design Hennepin Theatre Trust (612) 339-SONG (7664)
Clare Housing - Partners in AIDS Care Minneapolis College of Art and Orpheum, State and Pantages Theatres chorus@tcgmc.org www.tcgmc.org
Providing affordable housing, supportive Design (MCAD) Twin Cities’ best live entertainment:
services and compassionate care to people Offering BFA, BS, and MFA degrees, post- University of Minnesota Theatre Arts
Broadway shows, music concerts, comedy, and Dance
living with HIV/AIDS. graduate certificates, and classes for youth dance and more!
929 Central Ave. NE and adults. Educating artists and audiences through a
Minneapolis, MN diverse mix of performances on both land
Minneapolis, MN 2501 Stevens Avenue (612) 673-0404
(612) 239-9515 Minneapolis, MN and water.
www.HennepinTheatreDistrict.org U of M Theatre
www.clarehousing.org www.mcad.edu
330 21st Ave S, Minneapolis, MN
Illusion Theater (612) 624-2345
HIM Program
One of the Red Door Services
Grantmaker/Funder Nationally Renowned For Developing Artists www.theatre.umn.edu
DIVA MN and New Work While Sparking Conversation
of the Hennepin County Public Health Through creative events, DIVA MN raises About Challenging Human Issues.
Clinic. money to provide grants which impact 528 Hennepin Ave., #704 Pets
525 Portland Ave. 4th Floor AIDS/HIV in MN. Minneapolis, MN Animal Humane Society
Minneapolis, MN 12911 Forest Meadow Dr. (612) 339-4944 www.illusiontheater.org Buffalo: (763) 390-3647
(612) 348-9100 Minnetonka, MN Coon Rapids: (763) 862-4030
www.himprogram.org 952-544-6599 www.divamn.org Jungle Theater Golden Valley: (763) 522-4325
www.StopSyphilisNOW.org Professional theater producing St. Paul: (651) 645-7387
www.CrystalClearMN.org Historical contemporary and classic works
in an intimate setting in the Lynlake
Woodbury: (651) 730-6008
www.animalhumanesociety.org
www.inSPOT.org/Minnesota Minnesota Historical Society
The best of Minnesota comes to life with fun, neighborhood.
MAP AIDSline hands-on exhibits and signature programs. 2951 Lyndale Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN Politics & Rights
MAP AIDSLine is the confidential statewide 345 Kellogg Blvd (612) 822-7063 www.JungleTheater.com Human Rights Campaign
toll-free HIV information and referral W., St. Paul, MN Advocates for all GLBT Americans, mobilizes
service. Minneapolis Musical Theatre
(651) 259-3000 “Giving Voice to the Human Experience” - grassroots action, invests strategically to
1400 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN www.mnhs.org/historycenter elect fair-minded individuals.
(612) 373-AIDS (metro) or New and Rarely-Seen Musicals.
8520 W. 29th St. P.O. Box 50608 Minneapolis, MN
(800) 248-AIDS (statewide)
mapaidsline@mnaidsproject.org
Library Minneapolis, MN www.twincities.hrc.org www.hrc.org
Quatrefoil Library (612) 605-3298
www.mnaidsproject.org Your GLBT Library with stacks of DVDs, OutFront Minnesota
www.aboutmmt.org Delivering programs / services in the area
books, and magazines. Check out our
Park House online catalogue. of public policy, anti-violence, education
Day Health / Mental Health Treatment 1619 Dayton Ave., No. 105 St. Paul, MN Performing Arts and training, and law.
Program for Adults Living with HIV/AIDS. The Minnesota Opera 310 E. 38th St., Ste. 204
(651) 641-0969 www.qlibrary.org
710 E. 24th Street, Suite 303 America’s Most Exciting Opera Company Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-0127
Minneapolis, MN Now Has a New GLBTA Group “Out at the www.outfront.org
(612) 871-1264 Media & Communications Opera!”
Minnesota Public Radio
www.allina.com/ahs/anw.nsf/page/
park_house_home Providing in depth news coverage,
620 N. First St.
Minneapolis, MN
Public Market
classical music and emerging artists on our Midtown Global Market
three regional services. (612) 342-9550 www.mnopera.org An internationally-themed public market with
U of MN Research Studies over 40 independent vendors offering the
Looking for HIV+ and HIV- individuals to (651) 290-1212 Minnesota Orchestra
www.mpr.org finest selection of produce, meats, delicacies,
participate in research studies. Led by Music Director Osmo Vänskä, the prepared foods, grocery items, unique gifts
420 Delaware Street SE Minnesota Orchestra, one of America’s and services from around the world.
Radio K 770
Minneapolis, MN 55455 Radio K is the award-winning student-run leading symphony orchestras. 920 E. Lake St. Suite G.10
612-625-7472 1111 Nicollet Mall Minneapolis, MN
September 11–24, 2009

radio station of the University of Minnesota Minneapolis, MN (612) 872-4041


WEB ADDRESS 330 21st Ave. S. (612) 371-5656 (800) 292-4141
www.minnesotaorchestra.org
Art Galleries
610 Rarig Center
University of Minnesota
Religious & Spiritual
One Voice Mixed Chorus All God’s Children Metropolitan
Minneapolis Institute of Arts Minneapolis, MN 55455 Community Church
Enjoy Masterpieces From All Over The Passionate about building community and
(612) 625-3500 www.radiok.org creating social change by raising our All inclusive, welcoming Christian church
World And Every Period Of Human History. founded by and for GLBT people and their
voices in song.
Free Admission Daily!
2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN
Museums 732 Holly Ave. Ste. Q Saint Paul, MN allies.
Science Museum of Minnesota (651) 298-1954 3100 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN
(612) 870-3000 www.artsmia.org Boasts a 100-year history of a hands- www.ovmc.org operations@ovmc.org (612) 824-2673 www.agcmcc.org

66
Community Connection

Central Lutheran Church Plymouth Congregational Church, Strong University Links - Questioning Minnesota GLBTA Campus Alliance
We welcome all people to celebrate, Minneapolis Encouraged. Great Music. A statewide alliance of students, staff,
discover and share the love of Christ. A Beacon of Liberal Theology. Progressive 601 13th Ave. SE Minneapolis, MN faculty, alumni, and community members
333 Twelfth St. S. Minneapolis, MN Christianity, Traditional Setting & Service, (612) 331-5988 www.ulch.org uniting for campus change.
(612) 870-4416 www.centralmpls.org Social Action, The Arts & Music. 2136 Ford Parkway #131 St. Paul, MN
1900 Nicollet Ave. at Franklin Westminster Presbyterian Church (612) 730-8541
Church of the Imperfect Minneapolis, MN A Covenant Network Congregation, www.mncampusalliance.org
Richfield UMC 11AM (612) 871-7400 Working Toward a Church as Generous
“Informal, progressive, joyful, justice
oriented, interactive, creative. “
www.plymouth.org and Just as God’s Grace.
Nicollet Mall at 12th St. Minneapolis, MN
Youth
District 202
5835 Lyndale Ave. S. Spirit of Hope (612) 332-3421 www.ewestminster.org District 202 provides social, cultural and
www.myspace.com/rumclivingwaters An Independent Catholic community educational opportunities for GLBT youth
At our table, all are welcome. Mass at Wingspan Ministry
Edina Community Lutheran Church + PASTORAL CARE + EDUCATION + ages 21 and under.
5 PM Saturday evening. Fr. Marty www.dist202.org
Upbeat, growing congregation committed Shanahan. Worship at: WITNESS + ADVOCACY + Outreach of
to inclusion, justice, peace, community and St. Anne’s Episcopal Church St. Paul-Reformation Church to the GLBTQA
proclaiming God’s YES to all. 2035 Charlton Rd Community. Women’s Services
4113 W. 54th St. Sunfish Lake, MN 100 N. Oxford St. St. Paul, MN Womyn Unlimited Minnesota
Edina, MN (952) 926-3808 www.spiritofhopecatholiccommunity.org (651) 224-3371 www.stpaulref.org A Minnesota based non-profit grassroots
www.eclc.org philanthropic organization by, of, and for a
St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral Sexuality diverse community of women.
Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Wherever you are on your faith journey... Rose Hart (612) 250-0119
Church Man2Man
St. Mark’s Welcomes You. An Interactive Seminar Where Guys Talk To www.womynunlimitedmn.org
Take a Spiritual Journey With Hennepin’s 519 Oak Grove St. Minneapolis, MN Each Other About Sex, Dating, and Being
Faith Community Through Worship,
Education, Fellowship, Service, and More.
(612) 870-7800 www.ourcathedral.org Gay/Bi. Zoo
University of Minnesota Minneapolis, MN Minnesota Zoo
511 Groveland Ave. Minneapolis, MN St. Luke Presbyterian Church Home to more than 2000 animals. A sight
(612) 871-5303 www.haumc.org (612) 626-7187
We’re a Joyful, Compassionate Commmunity www.epi.umn.edu/m2m to see for all ages. Open year-round.
on a Spiritual Journey, Seeking Justice and 13000 Zoo Blvd. Apple Valley, MN
Religious & Spiritual Peace. Join Us.
Social Organizations 952-431-9200 mnzoo.org
Mount Olive Lutheran Church 3121 Groveland School Rd.
Ours is a welcoming parish, rich in music, Wayzata, MN (952) 473-7378 Imperial Court of Minnesota
liturgy and opportunities to serve the www.stlukeweb.org P.O. Box 582417
community. Minneapolis, MN
3045 Chicago Ave. Minneapolis, MN University Lutheran Church of Hope www.impcourtmn.com
(612) 827-5919 Reconciling Congregation - All Are
www.mountolivechurch.org Welcome. Social Justice Opportunities. Student/Campus/Alumni

LavenderMagazine.com

67
Ms. Behavior© |
[ by Meryl Cohn ]

Single Katie
Dear Ms. Behavior:
Years ago, I used excellent advice from
your book Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s
Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette to pre-
pare for falling in love. It worked. My re-
lationship lasted 10 years. Eventually, my
partner and I grew apart, and broke up.
Unfortunately, when I searched for
your book, so that I once again could pre-
pare for love, I found that my partner had
taken it. She refuses to give it back, claim-
ing she needs it more than I do.
Could you give us an excerpt in your
column?

—Single Katie

Dear Single Katie:


Here’s a condensed version. Ms. Be-
havior hopes it helps.
How To Meet the Person of Your
Dreams and Fall in Love
Think of the Buddhist notion of holding
two opposing things, one in each hand. One
represents going on with your life without
thinking about falling in love. The other
represents preparation for the magical mo-
ment that you do. Such spiritual gymnastics
are not necessary for casual dating, but to
be ready for love, Ms. Behavior believes
you must achieve two seemingly contradic-
tory states: a Zen-like meditative bliss which
keeps you happy in the moment; and the in-
tense preparation of a boy scout.
Nothing potentially batters your self-
esteem more than a new relationship, so in
addition to preparing physically (grooming,
working out, and lots of moisturizing), being
ready for falling in love involves pumping it
up emotionally, too. The unimaginative at-
tempt to achieve heightened self-esteem by
sitting naked in front of their full-length
mirrors, reciting affirmations. The non-icky
way to enhance your self-image is to become
your own ideal lover.
If you are attracted to fit, spiritual people
who read a lot, you might start working out,
meditating, and spending your free time at
the library, instead of lying on the couch,
September 11–24, 2009

eating popcorn, and bemoaning your fate.


This method not only improves your self-
esteem, but also gets you out of your house,
so that you can meet people.
You know why this self-strengthening
is necessary. Once you fall in love, you lose
your center, and become a jiggly, gelati-

68
nous cling-on. The warm, liquid feeling
in your lover’s presence becomes a drug
that both awakens you, and gives you a
sensation of sleepy calm. Your sense of self
erodes. You have to look in the mirror all
the time to remember who you are. You
shed your own interests, and become ob-
sessed with your partner’s interest.
Your friends and family recede into
the distance. You are late for work twice
a week, and when your boss yells, you just
smile. The heap of laundry in your bed-
room is shoulder-high, with whites and
colors happily commingling. Your thera-
pist gets exasperated with your faraway
look, and tells you that she hates people
who are in love, because they are rendered
deaf and silly by their own passion.
At first, losing yourself feels wonderful.
Merging with another person, body and
soul, feels like a giant, psychic orgasm. But
you soon realize that your life has slipped
away—that you even don’t remember what
used to interest you. Beneath your new col-
lection of Snoopy dolls and reptiles are small
clues about what your life used to be like,
and like a victim of amnesia, you try to piece
them together. Your memory of self has been
sucked into the black hole of obsessive love.
Ms. Behavior cannot bear to see this
happen to you. All she ever has wanted
is your happiness. So, here she offers her
guidance on what you need to do to pre-
pare for falling in love:
• Floss and brush your teeth
• Use high-quality skincare products
• Buy new sheets and fabulously sexy
underwear
• Spend a lot of time cultivating your
hobbies and friends
• Ride your bicycle
• Plant things in your garden
• Go to therapy, and discuss your moth-
er and your father, over and over again
• Be nice to your pets
• Visit your grandmother
• Avoid people who are deeply cynical
• Burn pretty candles
• Come out to everyone you know
• Keep fresh flowers in a vase in your
living room
• Take your vitamins
• Meditate
• Recycle
Once you have done all this, you will
be ready to fall in love. Also, you will be
LavenderMagazine.com

pretty damn appealing.


© 2009 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence
to <msbehavior@aol.com>. She is the author of Do What I Say:
Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton
Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.

69
September 11–24, 2009

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71
September 11–24, 2009

72
Yellow Pages > Advertiser Index
Adult Communications University of Minnesota, Legal
1-800-GayLive .............................. 69 89.3 The Current .......................... 71 Infectious Diseases........................ 3 Cloutier & Brandl .......................... 25
Déjà Vu .......................................... 72 Air America Minnesota ................ 46 Dunlap Law Office ....................... 12
Dream Girls ................................... 70 Radio K .......................................... 72 Home Furnishings & Heltzer & Burg .............................. 39
Hennepin Avenue Adult Accessories Hoffner Law Firm .......................... 7
Boutique......................................... 70 Computer & Internet DirectBuy of Minneapolis ............ 38 Moshier, Becky ............................. 9
Interactive Male ............................ 68, 71 DeskTech ....................................... 60 Furniture Manor ............................ 37 Terry, Slane, Ruohonen ............... 7
Megaphone .................................. 72 Meefers.com ................................. 58 Little Blind Spot.............................. 37
Squirt-PressNet .............................. 71 Malls & Shopping Centers
Dating Services Home Services Mall of America ............................ 76
Apparel & Accessories Simply Introduced......................... 50 Abbott Paint & Carpet .................. 33
jb hudson JEWELERS .................... 4 A-Z Electric ................................... 62 Mortgage
Education Bauer Floor Covering ................... 62 Lozinski, David .............................. 23
STYLEDLIFE-styledlook.................. 31
Metropolitan State University ...... 8 Bluestem Construction .................. 61
Boe Plumbing ................................ 29 Pet Products & Services
Arts & Entertainment Animal Humane Society ............. 7, 13
Bodies The Exhibition ................... 50 Events Bretts True Quality Homes ........... 29
AIA Homes by Architects Tour ..... 9, 11, 13 Castle Building & Remodeling ..... 33 Cat Nap Inn .................................. 63
Chanhassen Dinner Theatres ...... 19 Larpenteur Animal Hospital ......... 59
Minnesota Zoo ............................. 50 EM Contracting............................. 62
Hennepin Theatre Trust ............... 21 Pampered Pooch Playground ...... 63
Summer of Pride............................ 5 Glacier Concrete & Masonry...... 62
Jean Stephen Galleries ................ 21
Good Stuff Moving ...................... 62
Jungle Theater ............................... 22
Financial Greenway Pavers ......................... 61 Real Estate & Rentals
The Minnesota Opera .................. 19 Abele, David ................................. 64
Boyer, Daniel................................. 60 Grout Professionals ....................... 61
Ordway Center for the Halet Remodeling & Renovations 61 Lowertown Lofts Apartments ........ 19
Performing Arts ............................. 20 Moltaji, Roya ................................. 11 Bowman, Jennifer.......................... 64
Palm, Karen ................................... 9 Home Style Coaching .................. 62
Park Square Theatre .................... 26 Hopkins Carpet One .................... 26 Groff, Wayne ................................ 64
Terry Hines Advertising ................ 49 ROR Tax Professionals.................. 60 Lakes Area Realty ......................... 64
US Bank ......................................... 33 Jeff’s SOS Drain & Sewer
Theater Latté Da............................ 23 Hendlin for Blue by Greco........... 35
Wells Fargo Bank ......................... 7 Services ......................................... 29
Launert, Malinda .......................... 33
Matt’s Tree Service ....................... 62
Automotive Funeral Services Northrup Roofing & Remodeling 27
Leviton, Ann ................................... 64
Bridgestone Tire ............................ 17 Marquette Place and One
Funeral Consult ............................. 60 Personal Pride Construction ......... 61 Ten Grant....................................... 31
LaMettry’s Collision ...................... 20 R. Davis Construction ................... 35
Morrie’s Mazda ........................... 12 McGee, Michael .......................... 11
Gifts Ryan’s Tree Care .......................... 62 Miller, Valencia ............................. 57
Eyes of Horus ................................ 60 Sage Building & Remodeling ...... 62 New Home Store Realty .............. 59
Bars & Clubs Fantasy Gifts ................................. 60 Soderlin Plumbing,
Twin Cities Bar Advertiser Guide 40 Richardson, Beth ........................... 51
Max’s ............................................. 58 Heating & Air Conditioning ......... 35 Ruzick, Amy & Johnson, Kay ....... 23, 64
19 Bar ............................................ 47 Solum Fine Flooring ...................... 62 Sohre, Steve .................................. 12
Brass Rail ....................................... 43
Camp ............................................. 48
Grocery Stores SOS Homecare ............................ 61
Midtown Global Market .............. 54 Stoneman Masonry ...................... 36 Restaurants
Gay 90’s ...................................... 41, Summit Construction ..................... 61 Dancing Ganesha ........................ 56
42, 43, 75 Health, Wellness The Tile Shop ................................ 29 Fuji Ya ............................................ 55
LUSH Food Bar ............................. 48 & Recovery Todd the Plumber .......................... KinDee Thai Restaurant ................ 55
Minneapolis Eagle/Bolt ............... 44 3 Bears Chiropractic .................... 60 Twin City Heating and Air............ 38 Midtown Global Market .............. 54
Rumours/Innuendo ....................... 47 Burns, Steve ................................... 58 Universal Windows Direct ........... 26 Park Tavern Bowling
Saloon ........................................... 45 Carrillo, Dr. Thomas P. .................. 63 Uson Design Solutions.................. 53 & Entertainment Center ................ 51
Tickles ............................................ 49 Heffelfinger, Kate .......................... 63 Vujovich ......................................... 36 Sushi Tango ................................... 56
Town House ................................. 49 HIM Program ................................ 59 Toast Wine Bar & Café ................ 55
inSPOT ........................................... 58 Insurance Zen Restaurant .............................. 56
Beauty & Relaxation North Suburban Eye Specialists . 15 American Family Insurance.......... 23 Uptown Diner/Calhoun
Barbers on Bryant ......................... 60 Complete Body ............................. 61 Arens, John .................................... 63 Grill/Louisiana Café/Grandview Grill 54
City Looks Salons.......................... 60 Klausen, Paul DDS ....................... 8 Baldwin, Davina ........................... 63
Garden of Eden ............................ 11 Laser Body Sculpture .................... 51 Herr, Cindy .................................... 63 Sports & Recreation
Juventus MedSpa & Laser C........ 35 Mayfield Chiropractic .................. 11 Wagner Insurance-Financial Above The Falls Sports................. 15
Pride Institute ................................. 10 Services, Inc. ................................. 63
Beverages Rainbow Health Initiative ............. 2 Whitesong, Therese ...................... 63 Travel & Accommodations
Sorella Wine & Spirits .................. 53 Stolz, James................................... 63 Wolfson, Steve .............................. 63 Chambers Hotel Minneapolis ..... 38

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73
Backtalk > Consider the Source [ by Julie Dafydd ]

Hirsute Yourself
E
ver been at the zoo, and you start torment- steps from shower, blow-dries back, loses
toothbrush in leg hair, starts combing hair,
ing the gorilla with taunts such as, “Hey, hair- workday over, goes back to bed, fluffs up
ball!”? Suddenly, he turns around, and you ear hair, goes to sleep.
realize it’s Doug, your next-door neighbor, the one Researchers say the gene responsible for
one documented case “lies within a particular
with the excessive hair problem. portion of the X chromosome.” A chromo-
Me, too. my proposal for a cartoon entitled “My some is one of the microscopic strands that
I don’t have to tell you how embarrass- Wacky Chromosome.” carry genes, or the silver stuff that makes
ing that can be. I usually scoot out from un- The story says that only about 50 docu- your car bumper real shiny. I forget which.
der some of the shame by saying something mented cases of the most severe form of Scientists said that further studies of the
incredibly witty such as, “I bet you don’t superhairiness have been reported since the genes might give clues for treating bald-
think I know it was you, huh, Doug? Well, Middle Ages. (For those of you who spent ness. Currently, as you know, the available
I did. A gorilla has a lot more hair than you, your days during history class goofing off, treatments for balding are limited to:
Doug. Ha, ha, ha!” the Middle Ages came between the Left • Wearing the hair of another man that
After he beats me severely, we both Ages and Right Ages.) has been shoveled off a barber’s floor. This
seem to feel better. Still, guys like Doug “Some people with the disorder have is called a toupee or hairpiece—or, “Look
are probably troubled by this excessive hair been displayed in circuses, and called ‘dog Mom! That guy has a weasel sleeping on
thing. I bet they lie awake at night, won- men’ or ‘ape men,’ as well as ‘human were- his head.”
dering what type of genetic abnormality has wolves,’” the researchers said. • Wearing a baseball cap, backward.
caused the problem, and whether that’s the Oddly, they said, there is no record of Advantage: It’s cheaper than a toupee, and
pillow under their head, or just a neglected such put-downs as, “Hey, I bet when you looks more like your own hair. Disadvan-
clump of ear hair. brush your teeth, you really brush your tage: It can cut off circulation to the brain,
Luckily for guys like that, help is on teeth!”; or “Whew, pretty hot day to be your mind goes blank, and you tend to over-
the way. And not a moment too soon, ac- wearing that raccoon coat, huh, buddy?” use words such as “dude” and “fer sure.”
cording to their significant others. Many Until now. • Having a “doctor” drill holes in your
say they are growing just a teensy bit weary The condition is known scientifically as head, and stuff other guys’ hair into the
of having to clear the bathtub drain with a “generalized hypertrichosis.” Nearly all vic- holes. Drawback: You frighten young girls
weed-whacker every morning. tims are men. Animals such as collies and who think your head looks just like their
From the Associated Press: “New York— grizzly bears may also be affected, I believe. Barbie doll's scalp.
Scientists have located an abnormal gene that For men, the affliction can cause great Personally, my favorite solution is that
makes some men so hairy, they have been difficulties with day-to-day activities, and can black-colored hair spray with the miniscule
called werewolves, a finding that could be a add a lot of time onto the most routine tasks. fiberglass fibers.
step toward new treatments for baldness.” For example: Consider the source here, but I always
The findings were released in a recent Man without generalized hypertrichosis prefer the solution that creates the biggest
edition of Native Genetics, a magazine that steps from shower, dries off, brushes teeth, laugh. Doug agrees.
deals with the genetic and molecular struc- gets dressed, goes to work. Bye for now.
ture of life itself, which once turned down Man with generalized hypertrichosis Kiss, kiss.
September 11–24, 2009

Who are you? What are you doing? My name is Onan, I’m a lonely blowfly. I love myself, I practice self-esteem.

74

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