Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right

degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not within everybody's power and is not easy. - Aristotle What is Anger? Anger is a natural emotion. Its natures way of telling us that something in our lives has gone haywire. Anger occurs as a defensive response to a perceived attack or threat to our well-being. In addition to psychological changes, like any emotion, anger is accompanied by physiological changes. When you get angry your adrenaline flows, your heart rate increases, and your blood pressure escalates. The phrase, Im so mad my blood is boiling! isnt that far from true when you fly into a rage" #ometimes $ust our perception of a situation causes anger to ignite and sometimes the threat may be real. Whatever the case, anger isnt the problem. The problem with anger is that many of us dont learn to manage anger effectively. In fact, one out of five Americans has an anger management problem. %omestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence, divorce, and addictions are a few of the e&ternal e&amples of the results of poor anger management. 'oreover, anger can lead to physical problems when not properly managed. (ong-term anger has been linked to chronic headaches, sleep disorders, digestive problems, high blood pressure, and even heart attack. )et, when you learn how to manage anger, it can be an accelerant towards positive change instead of a negative propeller towards disaster. The Sequence of Anger Anger is usually triggered! by an occurrence, like stubbing your toe on an inanimate ob$ect or by something that someone says. *e&t, you think something like what did I do to deserve that!. +owever, at this point, emotion takes over your mind and the pain! of the situation leads you to believe the answer to your ,uestion is *othing. I didnt deserve that at all"! -eelings of hurt and betrayal further try to override logic and youre ready to act on your anger by either suppressing it or e&pressing it. #uppressing your anger may lead you to believe you have it under control. +owever, suppressing anger doesnt solve your problem and is a dangerous type of anger management. #uppressed anger stays with you over time and can lead to mental health problems like depression, and physical problems like stress! headaches and high blood pressure. Additionally, continually suppressing your anger can curtail your ability to act in the face of a real threat to your well-being. Anger needs to be e&pressed. )et, aggressive displays of anger can result in violent eruptions that further hurt you socially, mentally, and physically. The goal of anger management is to help you find healthy ways to e&press your anger and resolve the

problems that ignite it. The first step in anger management is learning to define the problem and face it head on" Anger Management Tips

-ind a safe spot. )elling at friends or family members, slamming doors, and breaking crockery doesnt solve any problem and fre,uently escalates angry situations between people. )et, sometimes you $ust need to vent. -inding a safe spot to act our your anger can relieve the ma$ority of your stress, calming you enough to solve the real problem at hand. .o to a basement room and scream your head off" Take an empty $ar to your basement and break it, /remember to sweep up when youre done0. #tomp on a few aluminum cans. Throw a tennis ball at the garage wall. 1uy a punching bag. 1reath %eep. Anger often begins when we feel weaker than we really are. 'olehills loom like mountains. Taking a few deep breaths calms you, makes you feel stronger both mentally and physically, and can cut those mountains down to si2e" 3ount to ten. #ounds simple, but counting to ten is an anger management tip that has worked for centuries" The 4oman poet +orace /56 7 8 1390 said, When angry, count ten before you speak: if very angry, one hundred.! 3ounting to ten /or one hundred0 helps you to step back from the situation, buys time for you to e&amine the problem and decide on an effective, rational way to e&press your anger. .ive yourself a break. Its easier to think when youre calm than when youre agitated. (eave the room, take a walk, ;whistle a happy tune. Then come back to the problem, e&amine it, and solve it. (ook for the sweet spot. (earn to act and not react. Although every cloud doesnt have a silver lining, when life hands you a lemon, you can make lemonade and when you get angry, you can find a positive way to e&press it"

Anger Management Strategies

While anger management tips can help you keep from blowing up, the best anger management strategy is to begin anger management when youre not inflated" 'ost e&perts agree that in order to learn long-term anger management techni,ues, you first need to recogni2e the triggers! that set off your anger. 1ut, what do you do if youre angry most of the time< An e&cellent beginning anger management strategy is a small change in your environment. 9ven a =67>? minutes environment change, can make a big change in your perspective. Anger Management Strategy #1: Changing Your Environment

=. If you usually spend your day indoors, make a point to spend some personal time outdoors. @utter in your yard or take a walk. The fresh air will do you good, both physically and mentally. If you work mostly outdoors, spend some personal, private time indoors. .o home, put your feet up and andrela&. >. If you spend the day in physical labor, give yourself a ,uiet time!. #it on a park bench and watch the world go by or sit in your favorite chair and let your tired muscles rela&. If you spend most of your day ina sit-down $ob, get those lethargic muscles moving" After work, take some time to walk, run, e&ercise to feel a surge of renewed energy in both mind and body" A. If you spend your day in noise, make sure your ,uiet time! is ,uiet. .ive yourself a chance to calm down and clear the chaos from your thoughts. If you spend your day where the silence is deafening, go home and pump up the volume" (isten to the radio, play a 3%, watch an half-hour of television. .et your mind off your problems" Anger Management Strategy # : !earn to "ecogni#e Your Anger Activators When youre reasonably calm, take a few minutes to e&amine recent times when your anger flared. Bot them down. %ont relive each: $ust look for what triggered your anger 7 your anger activators. What started you simmering and when did you boil over< What effect did your temper flares have on those around you and most importantly, you< What resulted from your anger< (et this be the beginning of your anger log or anger diary. 9ach day, log! occurrences of your anger and their triggers. )oull likely find that many of the same things are making you see red everyday. -or instance, a lot of folks start each day confronted by the harsh, irritating beeping of an alarm clock. If youre one of them, consider changing its tune. #et a clock radio to music instead of alarm or purchase an alarm that starts with a ,uiet pulse and slowly increases in intensity. Anger Management Strategy #$: The Serenity %rayer )ou may have heard the platitude, )oure either part of the problem or part of the solution.! +owever, to paraphrase Abe (incolnC )ou can solve all of the problems some of the time and some of the problems all of the time, but you cant solve all of the problems all of the time. ;

-or instance, when you e&perience the loss of a family member, the anger you may feel is a natural part of grieving. *o matter what you do, you cant solve the problem, but you can learn to control and resolve your anger. .od grant me the #erenity to accept the things I cannot change, The 3ourage to change the things we can, And the Wisdom to know the difference.D -or decades, Alcoholics Anonymous and other =>-step programs have used the #erenity @rayer to help their members cope with their problems. 9ven if you dont believe in a higher power, you can still use this simple message as an anger management strategy to help control your anger. If anger is affecting your relationships, your work, or your health, consider seeking help. An anger management group, class or private counseling may be your best anger management strategy. Any of these can help you develop an anger management program based on proven anger management techni,ues.

Anger Management Techniques

Ene of the greatest detriments of anger is that it makes us feel helpless and out of control. Anger management techni,ues arent meant to eliminate your anger. Anger management techni,ues put you in charge of the situation and teach you how to make your anger work for you. When we take the attitude that theres no time like the present! to vent our anger and let it rip!, anger often tears huge holes in the fabric of our lives, dropping us down the rabbit hole with no way up" Anger management techni,ues help you learn to e&press your anger in constructive ways and sew up your problems before you find yourself trying to mend fences instead. #illy mental pictures can help diffuse anger in many situations. Anger Management Technique #1: Accentuate the positive& )our partner or spouse is late again and its making you mad as a hatter. @icture yourself at the 'ad +atters tea party!, the White 4abbit making his entrance Im late - Im always late!. #urely, the 3heshire cats smile is growing in the background as the angry dormouse shrinks back into the teapot" Why< 1ecause your partners tardiness $ust bought you some e&tra time"

Fse the time to file your nails, read that maga2ine article you dont have time to read, file your nails, check your e-mailG

Anger Management Technique # : %ut your anger on ho'(& )our partner arrives an hour late and full of e&cuses. )ouve managed to stay reasonably calm, but you can see your anger rearing its head. #ay, I know White 4abbit. (ets talk

about it later and smile" )ou are still in control of your emotions and the situation: thats whats important. Timing is often critical to keeping anger at bay. %ont discuss issues when youre tired, or the situation has already made you irritable. %o choose a time to find solutions to problems: $ust make it when you can talk rationally and comfortably 7 when you can stay in control. Anger Management Technique #$: !et humor ca'm you (o)n&

9&C Another driver cuts you off! in traffic. 1reak it down to the ridiculous. (ean back in your seat and take a deep breath. 1reathe a sigh of relief that you at least still have your legs" @icture how silly you must look to other drivers, tooling down the road in your cut off! vehicle. @arallel parking will sure be a bree2e now, wont it<

Anger Management Technique #*: +on,t react to anger - respon(& A ma$or anger management techni,ue is in changing the way you think and learning to respond to anger instead of reacting to it. 4eacting to anger is a learned, impulsive behavior that becomes instinctive. 4esponding to anger allows you to e&amine various solutions and gives you the opportunity to choose the one that works the best for you. Anger Management Technique #.: Ta/e care of you&

'ake personal time each day to reflect on issues and consider solutions to problems. Work for balance in your life. Try to leave work problems at work and personal problems at home. Although we tend to often separate mind and body, they work together to make each of us into one uni,ue being. 4egular e&ercise, healthy eating, and ade,uate sleep are as essential to your emotional health as they are to your physical wellbeing.

Anger Management Technique #0: +on,t 'oo/ 1ac/2 move for)ar(& )elling, This blasted machine never works"! doesnt make the machine work. )oure always late"! doesnt change what happened in the past and makes no plans for change in the future, e&cept maybe for a destroyed friendship. When you put the lid on past problems, you free up time now to find solutions for current and future problems H anger management techni,ues to secure the lid on that grumpy dormouse"

Anger Management E3ercises

Although reaction to anger is often characteri2ed as boiling over!, e&ploding!, or losing your cool!, intense anger reactions vary from violent physical displays to depression. Along with punching and smashing, angry people also lose control! and yell, curse, make sarcastic comments, become depressed, shake, feel nauseous, feel di22y, get headaches, and cry.

The anger management e&ercise below will help you find your anger triggers, evaluate, and change your reactions to anger. =. Think of five things that always make you angry or annoy you. These are anger triggers and they can range from small annoyances to volcanic events. -or instance, an anger trigger may be a finger-drumming ac,uaintance, a neighborhood barking dog, a driver who cuts you off in traffic, or $ust the stop-go frustration of rush hour on an Interstate highway. >. 4ate the five triggers from one to five as to how much they irritate you. A. +ow do you react to each trigger< #ome negative reactions are in the list belowC A. %o you get into physical fights with others< 1. %o you punch, hit, or kick inanimate ob$ects or pets< .etting physical is never a long-term solution to problems. If either A or 1 is a common reaction to anger, consider finding help in an anger management class, a support group, or through private counseling. 3. %o you fre,uently slam doors, sometimes to the point of damaging them< %. %o you throw, break, or destroy ob$ects to relieve your anger< 9. %o you stomp your feet in anger< Although none of these solves the problems that made us angry, you can adapt them to help relieve some of the adrenaline that makes anger erupt. -ind a safe place and tantrum away" After youre calm again, e&amine what happened and use anger management strategies and anger management techni,ues to keep it from happening again. -. %o you yell until youre hoarse< %o you often say things that you regret later< .. %o you face confrontation with sarcasm< +. %o you often say things that you later regret< If you answered yes to -, ., or + youre probably finding that none solves the problems that stir up your anger. 1rainstorm to find better avenues of communication. Then use anger management strategies and anger management techni,ues to help you resolve your anger triggers. I. %o you shy away from confrontation< %o you keep your feelings to yourself< B. %o you brood over the unfairness or hopelessness of situations< I. %o you say, Well talk about it later! and never do<

Internali2ed anger can lead to both physical health problems /such as nausea, di22iness, indigestion0 and mental health problems like depression. If your response to I, B, or I was yes!, consider taking an anger management class, some assertiveness training, or finding help through private counseling. *ow that youre a teen, you probably hear a lot about teen hormones, teen mood swings, and teen problems /as if you werent living through them0" Its enough to make anyone mad, but heres the thing H teenage anger is a normal part of growing. 1esides, anger is a normal emotion for everybody H little kids, teens, and adults. While anger often gets a bad rap, it isnt bad to get angry. Anger is $ust another emotion like love, hate, $oy, and sorrow. The trick to anger management, like any other emotion, is how you e&press it. If something makes you happy, depending on what it is and who did it, you might e&press your happiness with a smile, a hug, or a kiss. 9&pressing anger is the same. Anger works for you when you choose how to e&press it. 3hoosing how to e&press your anger is anger management. Anger is a signal that somethings not right. It actually can help you get through a dangerous situation or give you courage to stand up for your rights when youve been wronged. The problem with anger is that its fueled with adrenaline and its easy to let that rush take control, making you feel overwhelmed, powerless, and out of control. 'any things in life can stir up your anger. )ou can get angry over a lost game, a cancelled concert, or people /classmates, teachers, parents 7 even your best friend0 may do things that dont sit right! with you. At times, youve probably even been angry with yourself for wearing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing. 9ven $ust growing can make you angry. / I hate being so short, so fat so thin, so tallG"!0 Temper Too's Although anger is a normal, healthy emotion its also a powerful emotion that can get in the way of what you want. (earning to channel your anger helps you to get from point A! to point 1! without destroying everything in your path. It takes both time and practice to develop good anger management skills. 1y the time youre a teen, you have the tools you need to manage your anger. The challenge is learning how to use them to get the best results. The most valuable tool you have for managing anger is self-control. -ortunately, its a tool that youve been sharpening for years. #elf-control keeps you from telling your 'om that her roast beef is crummy or your best friend that her new bedroom wallpaper looks stupid. It keeps you from cutting class $ust because you forgot about the test. (uckily, when you begin to get angry, your body gives you physical signals. )ou begin to feel warm and flushed, your heart starts to pound, and your skin feels tight! or tingly. Its time to step back, take a deep breath, and put the self-control in gear.

Fsing self-control when youre angry can keep you from saying or doing something that makes you look foolish. It can make the difference between stumbling over a chair, kicking it and really hurting your foot or $ust moving the chair out of your way. It can make the difference between saying or doing something now that youll need to apologi2e for later or even worse, something that an apology wont fi&. Ene way to imprint the benefits of anger management is to look at the ways you react to anger. +ow do you feel after youve vented your anger< We rarely are rewarded for reacting to anger: instead, we usually end up paying the conse,uences. (ook at past situations and e&amine what you could have done differently to arrive at a better outcome. Would a better response to anger have earned you more respect from others or more self-respect< %id your actions result in positive change, negative change, or no change at all< Managing Anger =. Tune in to your feelings. *ote what makes you angry and why. %ont settle for pat e&planations like Its not fair.! Ask yourself why you feel its not fair, what needs to be done to make it fair, and what the best way is to bring about that change. >. #tep back and think when you begin to feel angry. Turn on the self-control. Take a minute to define whats making you angry and what you can do to solve the problem. A. @ractice damage control. 3hoose the solution that gives you the most benefit with the least damage. J. Although anger often makes mountains out of molehills, sometimes the mountains are really mountains. #ome problems are $ust too big for anyone to handle alone. When thats the case, seek help from a parent, counselor, or other trusted adult to help you find the resolution to your anger. 3onsider getting anger management help whenC =. )ou get into physical fights. >. )ou find yourself arguing heatedly and often with no resolution. A. )ou cant get over a past situation or occurrence. J. )oure in a bad mood more often than a good one. 6. )our anger makes you want to get back! at something or someone. 5. )our anger makes you want to hurt someone else or yourself. Always rememberC )ou can either react to angry feelings /kick that chair0 or respond to them. 4esponding to anger takes practice, but keeping the benefits of anger management in mind makes it a lot easier to practice. Its not bad to feel angry. When e&pressed constructively it can increase your self-respect as well as others respect for you. Anger management can be a tool you can use to solve problems and make positive change during tough teenage years and i

9ight #imple Anger 'anagement Tips 1y %avid (eonhardt DThe other night I ate at a real family restaurant. 9very table had an argument going.D Ene of the biggest obstacles to personal and career success is anger. When we fail to control our anger, we suffer several blowsC

Anger impedes our ability to be happy, because anger and happiness are incompatible. Anger sends marriages and other family relationships off-course. Anger reduces our social skills, compromising other relationships, too. Anger means lost business, because it destroys relationships. Anger also means losing business that you could have won in a more gracious mood. Anger leads to increased stress /ironic, since stress often increases anger0. We make mistakes when we are angry, because anger makes it harder to process information.

@eople are beginning to wake up to the dangers of anger and the need for anger management skills and strategies. 'any people find anger easy to control. )es, they do get angry. 9verybody does. 1ut some people find anger easier to manage than others. 'ore people need to develop anger management skills. %evelop your anger management skills -or those who have a tough time controlling their anger, an anger management plan might help. Think of this as your emotional control class, and try these self-help anger management tipsC A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% #1 Ask yourself this ,uestionC DWill the ob$ect of my anger matter ten years from now<D 3hances are, you will see things from a calmer perspective. A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% # Ask yourselfC DWhat is the worst conse,uence of the ob$ect of my anger<D If someone cut in front of you at the book store check-out, you will probably find that three minutes is not such a big deal. A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% #$ Imagine yourself doing the same thing. 3ome on, admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes by accident. %o you get angry at yourself< A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% #* Ask yourself this ,uestionC D%id that person do this to me on purpose<D In many cases,

you will see that they were $ust careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm. A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% #. Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimi2e the damage you will do while angry. A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% #0 Try some Dnew and improvedD variations of counting to ten. -or instance, try counting to ten with a deep slow breathe in between each number. %eep breathing -- from your diaphragm -- helps people rela&. A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% #7 Er try pacing your numbers as you count. The old Done-steamboat-two-steamboat, etc.D trick seems kind of lame to me. #teamboats are not the best devices to reduce your steam. +ow about DEne-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-ice-creamD, or use something else that you find either pleasant or humorous. A45E" MA4A5EME4T T6% #8 Kisuali2e a rela&ing e&perience. 3lose your eyes, and travel there in your mind. 'ake it your stress-free oasis. Ene thing I do not recommend is DventingD your anger. #ure, a couple swift blows to your pillow might make you feel better /better, at least, than the same blows to the door"0, but research shows that DventingD anger only increases it. In fact, speaking or acting with any emotion simply rehearses, practices and builds that emotion. If these tips do not help and you still feel you lack sufficient anger management skills, you might need some professional help, either in the form of a therapist speciali2ing in anger management or a coach with a strong background in psychology.

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