The following message was delivered by John MacArthur Jr., of Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California.

t was transcribed from the ta!e" #A Crash Course in Christian $arenting.# A co!y of the ta!e can be obtained by writing, %ord of Grace, $.&. 'o( )***, $anorama City, CA +,),or by dialing toll free ,./**.00.G1AC2.

A Crash Course in Christian Parenting

by John MacArthur Co!yright ,++3 All 1ights 1eserved

Open your Bible to Ephesians, chapter 6. The key verse, really, here in the New Testament that gives to us God s design !or parenting, is verse ". #t simply says, $%nd you, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction o! the &ord.$ #t s a tremendous statement in that verse. #t, again, with an economy o! words, covers a vast !ield. Books, treatises, volumes'have been written on parenting. God has reduced it to one statement( $)o not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction o! the &ord.$ This is God s pattern !or parenting. %s we begin, # want us to remember something'it s very important at the very outset( as God s redeemed people, we are called to be uni*ue. +e are called to be di!!erent. +e are called to be distinct. +e are called to be separate !rom the world. #n !act, the whole epistle o! Ephesians points to the reality that we are not to live as the rest o! the world lives. +e live in light, not darkness. +e live in wisdom, not !oolishness. +e walk in the ,pirit, not the !lesh. +e are uni*ue, then, because we have the knowledge o! God, we have the +ord o! God, we have the ,pirit o! God, and God has called us to live in uni*ue and distinctive ways. #n !act, that e-tends even to our relationships in the !amily. +e don t conduct relationships in the !amily the way unregenerate people do, the way the world does.we have a completely di!!erent plan and pattern. #n &eviticus, chapter /0, when God established the standard o! behavior !or #srael, 1e pointed out this reality o! uni*ueness. This is what 1e said( $2ou shall not do what is done in the land o! Egypt, where you lived. Nor are you to do what is done in the land o! 3anaan where # am bringing you. 2ou shall not walk in their statutes. 2ou are to per!orm 4y 5udgements and keep 4y statutes and to live in accord with them.$ #n other words, you re di!!erent. 2ou don t do the way the world does. 2ou don t conduct your lives or your relationships the way the world does. &ater in that same eighteenth chapter o! &eviticus, God !urther says, $)o not de!ile yourselves by any

o! these things, !or by all these, the nations which # am casting out be!ore you, have become de!iled. Thus, you are to keep 4y charge,$ or my command, $that you do not practice any o! the abominable customs which have been practiced be!ore you, so as not to de!ile yoursel! with them. # am the &ord, your God.$ % call to be di!!erent6 a call to distinctiveness. God has maintained this desire !or 1is people through all time. +e are separate. The standards, the principles, the statutes, the commandments, by which we conduct our lives be!ore God, in the !amily, and be!ore the world, are uni*ue. +e are separate. +e are to have an unde!iled uni*ueness. +e are to !ollow principles which are not, in any sense, assisted by human wisdom. Nor are they re!ined or de!ined by human wisdom. +e are not to succumb to the pressure o! the world. +e are not to listen to the world s diagnoses o! what might be wrong with people or marriages or !amilies'we are to turn to the +ord o! God. +e are to live distinctively. God is not saying anything di!!erent today6 1e s still saying, $)o it 4y way.$ %nd, as !ar as the parenting role is concerned, that too is summed up magni!icently in that verse # 5ust read and herein lies God s pattern. #t doesn t sound anything like modern psychology. #t doesn t sound like the things that we have been told about childhood education, about how to raise a child. #t doesn t sound anything like what the world is currently saying and it shouldn t because it is divine. +e ve already !ound out that the pattern !or husbands is completely distinct !rom the world6 the pattern !or wives'completely distinct !rom the world, the pattern !or children in response to their parents is distinct and so is that !or parents in regard to their children. This is not the message o! secular psychology, this is not the message o! conventional wisdom, this is not the message o! political correctness, this is the +ord o! God. The place we have to begin is with the recognition that all children come !rom God. God gives them to us and then has given us the manual on how to raise them. Genesis "(/, $%nd she conceived,$ that is, Eve, $and bore 3ain and said, 7# have gotten a man !rom the &ord. $ %t the very outset, Eve knew who was the source o! her children. ,he went right past %dam, to God. #n Genesis "(89, the same chapter, later on, $,he bore a son and called his name 7,eth, !or God, she said, 7has appointed me another seed. $3hildren,$ says the Old Testament, $are an heritage !rom the &ord.$ They are gi!ts !rom God. They are given to be to the praise o! 1is glory and to be a blessing to us. But, how o!ten do children become a heartache and a heart break because God s pattern !or parents is not properly !ollowed: %s we look at the divine standard, then, we are looking at our responsibility and we re looking at the path to 5oy and blessing in the lives o! the children and in our own lives as well. 3learly, the instruction here, in verse ", is given to parents. #n !act, the word $!athers$ is occasionally, in the New Testament, translated $parents.$ +e cannot e-clude the mother at this particular point6 we must include her as she comes under the leadership o! her husband. The instruction is given to the parents

because they have the responsibility, the rule, the lead, the oversight, to bring their children to the place where they will honor God. Now, the standard that is established here is not only uni*ue in our society, but it was uni*ue in ;aul s as well. <or e-ample, 5ust to illustrate what was going on in the world in which the apostle ;aul wrote this. There was a =oman law called patria potestas, literally means 7the !ather s power , and under patria potestas, a =oman !ather had absolute power over his !amily. %s # pointed out this morning, the view o! leadership in the gentile world, was one o! dominant dictatorship, and that worked in the !amily as well. <or e-ample, a !ather could sell his children as slaves, a !ather could make them work in the !ields in $chains,$ i! he wanted and there are illustrations o! this in ancient literature. 1e could take the law into his own hands to punish his children and he could even, by =oman law, e-ecute his own children. <or as long as the !ather lived, there was no age limit, there was no limit to the e-tent o! his control. #n !act, when a child was born, it was not uncommon !or that child to be placed be!ore it s !ather s !eet and i! the !ather stooped to li!t the child, it meant he acknowledged the child and it could live. #! he turned and walked away, the child was thrown out on the street to die or be picked up and raised as a prostitute or a slave. % letter !rom 1alerian >sp.? to wi!e, %lice, !rom / B.3., !ound in ancient sources, says this( $1alerian >sp.?, to %lice,$ his wi!e, $1eartiest greetings$'$now guys, you really don t want to start a letter to your wi!e like that.but, he did. $@now that we are still, even now, in %le-andria,$ he writes, being away. $)o not worry i! when all others return, # remain in %le-andria. # beg and beseech you to take care o! the little child and as soon as we receive wages,$ apparently, he was a soldier, $# will send them to you i!, good luck to you, you have a child, i! it is a boy let it live6 i! it is a girl, throw it out.$ That is documented !rom ancient times. Anwanted children were commonly le!t in the !orum in =ome. They were collected at night by people who would then nourish them to make slaves and stock the prostitute houses o! =ome with them. ,eneca, a wellBknown =oman orator said, $+e slaughter a !ierce o-, we strangle a mad dog, we plunge the kni!e into the sickliest cattle6 children who are born weak and de!ormed, we drown.$ ,o, ;aul was writing to a world where children were abused and children were murdered, 5ust like our world, where they are slaughtered, largely, be!ore they can ever come out o! the womb, by the millions, through abortion. But, /.9 million children, at least, annually'probably a lot more than that'who are allowed to be born, are conse*uently beaten, burned, and abused by their parents, to the degree that they have to be removed !rom their !amilies.over /.9 million o! them a year. Two thousand o! such die'killed by their parents though burning, drowning, being thrown out windows, o!! bridges, killed with knives, hammers, raCorBblades, you name it. Our world today is not a lot di!!erent than that ancient world. Time magaCine reported in one survey that DEF o! parents, i! they had it to do all over again, would have no children.too much o! a nuisance. ,omewhere between thirty thousand and !i!ty thousand children a year are used !or pornography. % third

o! all children born wind up in !oster homes because they re unwanted. 4illions are le!t at home alone to be raised by the television while their mothers go to work. The chancellor o! New 2ork 3ity s one million student school district, said, $,ociety has turned against children.$ Even our own president recently GvetoedH a document that Gwould haveH prevented late abortion. The sickening massacre o! children lateB term, could have been prevented by that document'his GvetoH obviated that so that such abortions can take place. 1ostility towards children'in ancient times and even in modern times. %gainst that background o! ancient =oman society and the background in which we live today, we hear the words o! ;aul, $%nd !athers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction o! the &ord.$ %gain, patera, the term $!athers$ is normally used !or the male head o! the !amily, but sometimes used to speak o! $parents.$ #t is so translated, !or e-ample, in 1ebrews //(8I, it says, $By !aith 4oses, when he was born, was hidden three months by his parents.$ %nd certainly, the mother is involved with the !ather'we can e-tend it here to include her. ;roverbs "(I shows this dual role. #t says, $# was my !ather s son, tender and only beloved in the sight o! my mother.$ ;roverbs /(0, $1ear the instruction o! thy !ather, and !orsake not the law o! thy mother.$ Both parents are involved under the headship o! the husband, in the bringing up o! the child. % study was conducted several years ago, covering a span o! years, by sociologists ,heldon and Eleanor Glick >sp.? !rom 1arvard and they identi!ied, a!ter all o! this study, !our crucial !actors in predicting children who were not delin*uents. This was a multiByear study and it was !ound to be JEF accurate. They said these are the four essential factors to !revent delin4uency , 5ust purely !rom the observation o! those worldly people( /. The !ather s discipline'!air, !irm, and consistent. 8. The mother s supervision in the home, knowing where the children are all the time, knowing what they re doing, and being available to them. I. The parent s unceasing a!!ection, demonstrated to each other and to the children, !re*uently. ". The !amily s cohesiveness'time spent together. Both parents must be involved in this wonder!ul privilege'this wonder!ul opportunity. %nd as we look at the thing itsel!, that is indicated here in the verse, you ll notice there s a negative and then a positive in terms o! the instruction and we want to consider both. The negative is this, $)o not provoke your children to anger.$ That s how the +ord o! God sums up what you don t want to do. 2ou don t want to make your children mad. 2ou don t want to make them angry. 2ou don t want to make them hostile or bitter. 2ou don t want them to turn against you and all that you hold dear. 3olossians adds, $&est they be discouraged.$ 2ou don t want to destroy them. $;rovoke,$ you will notice, is used only here and in =omans /E(/J.that term and it

means $to irritate.$ #t s an intense !orm o! $to make angry.$ )on t do that which angers your children. )on t do that which irritates them, provokes them, !rustrates them, e-asperates them, or embitters them. 4y, is there being a lot o! that done today'angry, sullen, bitter children. Kust in the last !ew days, three little boys, one o! them si- years old, trying to kill a monthBold in!ant. Animaginable hostility and anger. Ten to !i!teen percent o! children have contemplated or tried suicide. One !ourth o! admissions to the psychiatric unit o! children s hospitals are suicideBrelated. Even children as young as si- and seven have tried to take their li!e. % &os %ngeles Times article !rom some years back, said, $The elevenByearBold had slashed his wrists. $# want to go to heaven,$ he sobbed. $# can t stand these stomachBaches and being unhappy'i! only # could die. #t s hard to live'living is horrible'# 5ust want to die because nobody cares i! # die, so # 5ust want to die.$ <or years, psychologists and e-perts *uestioned whether young children could really su!!er severe depression and intentionally seek death'now they know they can.sometimes swallowing poison, sometimes darting into heavy tra!!ic. % twelveByearBold girl hanged her doll by it s neck, drugged her little sister, cut both her legs with scissors, slashed her wrists, and overdosed on hypnotic drugs. $# would be better o!! dead,$ she e-plained, $then no one will ever have to look at my ugly !ace again.$ %n elevenByearBold boy tried to kill his dog, attempted to su!!ocate his baby brother with a pillow, 5abbed pins and needles into his stomach, and asked, $+hy:$ he answered, $Because mother doesn t have any love in her !or me.$ ,aid one si-ByearBold, !eeling emotionally re5ected by his mother, $# want to die because nobody loves me.$ ,aid another, $# d rather die than be spanked'they want me deadL$ % battered tenByearBold whose thirteenByearBold brother had committed suicide earlier said, $Everyone kills and everyone dies'there s no way out.$ %n elevenByearBold boy, preoccupied with death and the idea o! 5oining his dead grandmother, threatened to throw himsel! in !ront o! a car'did so, beat and dis!igured his !ace.didn t die. <inally 5umped out the window o! a twoBstory building. 1e wanted to go and be with somebody he thought loved him. % !iveByearBold girl obsessed with knives, burned her threeByearBold sister, tried to choke her with a shoe string, threatened her mother with a kni!e, ran !rom the house into heavy tra!!ic. % si-ByearBold boy who wanted to die because $nobody loves me,$ cut himsel! with his !ather s raCor'was later !ound hanging !rom a secondBstory window. 2ou don t need any more illustrations6 they re all over the place. Kudge Burton 3ats o! the &os %ngeles 3ourt said, $#t becomes very disturbing to see the hollow eyes and e-pressions on 5uveniles when they are so totally disen!ranchised, so totally disin!ected, so totally removed !rom the system that there s absolutely no hope whatsoever.$

2ou can turn your child into a tragic child6 you can turn your children into a story like that and it may not be because o! what you do to them, it most likely will be because o! what you don t do to them and !or them. 1ow can you provoke your child into tragedy: 1ow can you provoke your child into anger: 1ow can you get a bitter, sullen, antiBsocial delin*uent: 1ere are some easy steps( /. ,poil him. Give him everything he wants, even more than you can a!!ord'5ust charge it'so you can get him o!! your back. 8. +hen he does wrong, nag him a little, but don t spank him. I. <oster his dependence on you. )on t teach him to be independently responsible6 maintain his dependence on you, so later on, drugs and alcohol can replace you when he s older. ". ;rotect him !rom all those $mean$ teachers who want to discipline him !rom time to time, and threaten to sue them i! they don t let him alone. 9. 4ake all o! his decisions !or him because he might make mistakes.and learn !rom them i! you don t. 6. 3riticiCe his !ather to him or his mother, so your son or daughter will lose respect !or his parents. D. +henever he gets into trouble bail him out. Besides, i! he !aces any real conse*uence it might hurt your reputation. 0. Never let him su!!er the conse*uences o! his behavior6 always step in and solve his problems !or him, so he will depend on you, and run to you when the going gets tough, and never learn how to solve his problems. J. #! you want to turn your child into a delin*uent, let him e-press himsel! any way he !eels like it. )on t run his li!e6 let him run yours. /E. )on t bother him with chores6 do everything !or him.then he can be irresponsible all his li!e and blame others when things don t get done right. //. %nd, be sure to give in when he throws a temper tantrum. /8. Believe his lies because it s too much hassle to try to sort through to get the truth. /I. 3riticiCe others openly, criticiCe others routinely, so that he will continue to realiCe that he is better than everybody else. /". Give him a big allowance and don t make him do anything !or it. /9. ;raise him !or his good looks, never !or character, and on it goes.

#! you want an obsessive child, be critical, snobbish, domineering, legalistic. 2ou want an accidentBprone child( !ight with each other, ignore the child, and the child will hurt himsel! to get your attention.and so it goes. The point is, you have this treasure, you have this child and you can e-asperate that child. 1ow do parents do that: # ve 5ust given you a little litany o! things that you can read about it in a typical book on childBraising, about how to raise a delin*uent. But, let me give you my own list here o! how to provoke a child to wrath. # m going to give you this list rather rapidly so stick with it. Ten ways( 5umber one, by over.!rotection. <ence them in6 never trust them6 don t give them the opportunity to develop independence, and deprivation will instill an angry mood. ;arents must give children room to e-press themselves, to discover their world, to try a new adventure, gradually releasing them to live independently. &et the rope out. OverBprotection !rustrates and angers a child. +e live in a world where that s a tendency among 3hristians'to keep them under your control all the time. 2ou have to be very care!ul about that or they become e-asperated. Secondly, you can do it by favoritism. #saac !avored Esau over Kacob' =ebecca !avored Kacob over Esau, and the sad results are wellBknown. )on t compare them against each other. They re each uni*ue. &ove them the same without special regard !or each.no respective persons. #! a child !eels that you love another in that !amily more, that is a very, very !rustrating e-perience. Thirdly, you can cause a child to become angry by setting unrealistic achievement goals. ,ome parents, literally, crush their children with pressure. ;ressure to e-cel in school, pressure to e-cel in sports, in music, in any activity they do. %nd it really has little to do with the child and everything to do with the reputation that the parent wants. This becomes very !rustrating when the child has no sense o! having reached the goal, no sense o! having !ul!illed an e-pectation.it leads to being angry and bitter. # have dealt with such children who have killed themselves. # think o! one girl in particular who killed hersel! to get her parents o!! her back. ,he never could accomplish enough to satis!y them, and she was so angry, she wanted to hurt them in the most pro!ound way she could, so she took her li!e so they would have to live with the pain o! causing that.devastating. 67ourthly8, you can frustrate your child to anger by over.indulgence. By giving them everything they want6 by picking up a!ter them always6 by allowing them to throw all responsibility and accountability on others. 2ou can e-asperate them by letting them sin and get away with it so they learn to do that success!ully. Altimately, when they !ace the world and people don t serve them and don t take all the responsibility !or them and !or their misdeeds, they will get angry and bitter and violent. #t s 5ust e-actly the kind o! generation we re seeing raised today. 7ifthly, you can e(as!erate your child by discouragement and # think that comes in two ways( lack o! understanding and lack o! reward because both o! those destroy motivation and they destroy incentive. 2ou must understand your children. Anderstand what they re thinking. Anderstand what they re trying to

accomplish. Anderstand why a certain thing happened, why a certain behavior occurred, why a certain incident went a certain way. Grant them a listening ear and an understanding heart and reward them graciously and generously with love. Give them approval and honor and be patient with them or they get very de!eated and discouraged and that turns to anger. 9ou can !rovo:e your children to anger, number si(, by failing to sacrifice for them. #n other words, by making the child !eel like he s constantly an intrusion into your li!e, constantly an interruption, always a bother.you want to do what you want to do. 2ou and your husband want to go where you want to go'you 5ust !arm these kids out somewhere. &eave them. &et somebody else take care o! them. 2ou re not about to change your li!estyle'you re going to do what you want to do. 2ou re going to have your !un and your pleasure and the kids are 5ust going to have to !end !or themselves. &eave them6 make them prepare their own meals. )on t take them places because you can t be bothered with them, and they will resent your being uncaring, unavailable, and sel!Bcentered. One o! the things that # m so very thank!ul !or in my own !amily is ;atricia s devotion to our children( all the years when they were growing up in the home. 4any years when # had to be going and traveling and she re!used to do that because she wanted to be with those children all the time. 5umber seven, you can !rovo:e your children to anger by failing to allow for some growing u!. +hat does that mean: &et them goo! up a little. &et them make mistakes. ,o they knocked something over at the table'laugh it o!!L They get don t *uite have the manual de-terity yet, or the coordination. Give them a little 5ob and they do it in an unacceptable way, but it s a little bit o! progress, commend them. &et them share some o! their ridiculous ideas. &et them plan some silly things to do and do them. )on t condemn them. Kust e-pect progress, not per!ection. The best o! men are not per!ect. The New 2ork Tech, many years ago, de!eated =ensselaer ;oly >;olytechnic?, 8/B 0. #n that game, the only =ensselaer touchdown was set up by a si-tyBthree yard passBplay, says the newspaper. On the play, there appeared to be a breakdown in the Tech de!ense. The ne-t week, when reviewing the !ilms, Tech coach, 4arty ,enall >sp.?, noticed that the de!ensive back on the play, !reshman Kohn ,mith, stood !roCen on one spot while the =eceiver !lew by his !or the winning touchdown. $1ey ,mittyL +hy didn t you move:$ the coach yelled. $# couldn t. 4y contact lens had 5ust popped out and # covered it with my !oot, waiting !or a time to put it back. #! # had le!t the spot, # never would have !ound it again in that grass. %nd, my parents would have killed me !or losing itL$ Now, # m telling you, when you re in the $big game$ and you live with that much !ear o! your parents, you ve got a problem. &et your kids !ail. They re going to lose things. 1ey, # remember when 4att !lushed my watch down the toilet. # said, $+hy did you do that:$ 1e said, $# 5ust wanted to see what it would look like, going down.$ )id # spank him: No. #n !act, # wished # d have been there. # d like to see what it looked like when it was going down. %llowed !or a little growing.!or a !ew e-periments.

5umber eight, you can !rovo:e your children to anger by neglect. #! there s any biblical illustration o! this, it s probably )avid and %bsalom. )avid spent no time with him, no time shaping him, and %bsalom ultimately hated his !ather with a passion. 1e tried to pull a coup to dethrone his !ather and take his place. Neglect' and the worse kind o! neglect( lack o! consistent discipline. That s the worst kind o! neglect. # m not talking about the neglect o! time and things6 # m talking about the neglect o! discipline. Teach them, discipline them.consistently using the rod in love. 5umber nine, you can !rovo:e your children to anger by abusive words. 2ou understand that a little child has a very limited vocabulary and you have a very comprehensive one. Merbal abuse is a terrible thing. % barrage o! wellBchosen words !rom your adult vocabulary can cut that little heart to shreds. +hat is as devastating as anything are words o! anger, words o! sarcasm, or words o! ridicule. <rankly, we say things to our children, we would never say to anybody else. And, lastly, by !hysical abuse. %n angry child is o!ten a beaten, abused, overCealously punished child usually !rom an angry, venge!ul parent who only cares that he has been inconvenienced or irritated'not that the child needs correction !or his own good. +ell, those are some very simple, practical things. #! you want to provoke your child to anger, you can do it by overprotection, !avoritism, setting unrealistic achievement goals, overBindulgence, discouragement, !ailing to sacri!ice !or them so that they can see your love, !ailing to allow !or them to grow up by neglecting !irm, consistent, loving discipline, by abusive words, and physical abuse as well. )on t do that. Turn to the positive with me. $=ather, bring them up in the discipline and instruction o! the &ord,$ or $the nurture and admonition o! the &ord,$ as the $%uthoriCed$ says. $Bring them up,$ they won t get there themselves, # might add hastily. 2ou ve got to bring them up. They re not going to get there by themselves. 2ou have to $bring them up.$ ;roverbs 8J(/9 says, $% child le!t to himsel! brings his mother shame,$ and that is what # told you earlier. #t is not what parents do to children so much' although, obviously i! they do things that are abusive and pain!ul it has e!!ects' but, it is what parents do not do that e-asperates children'the lac: o! discipline, the lac: o! love, the lac: o! care. 2ou must $bring them up.$ This is a call to raise your children.to !ocus on it. Now, let me give you some practical instruction at this point. 1ow do you do this: 1ow do bring your child up: +hat is the real key to this challenging work: # m going to give you the key. Turn in your Bible to ;roverbs "(8I and here we are really going to get to the issue. This, insight here, tells us what is wrong with all o! your children and all o! mine. #t s the same problem. ;roverbs "(8I says, $+atch over your heart with all diligence, !or !rom it !low the springs o! li!e.$ Now, what you have here is a clearBcut, divinely inspired statement that the issues o! li!e come out o! the heart. %ll the matters o!

li!e proceed !rom the heart. #n 4ark D, in verse 8/, Kesus said, $<or !rom within, out o! the heart o! men, proceed the evil thoughts, !ornications, the!ts, murders, adulteries, deeds o! coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, and !oolishness'all these evil things proceed !rom within.$ %nd the same thing, essentially, is recorded !or us in &uke chapter 6, in verse "9, $The good man out o! the good treasure o! his heart brings !orth what is good6 and the evil man out o! the evil treasure o! his heart brings !orth what is evil. <or his mouth speaks !rom that which !ills his heart.$ Now, what you want to recogniCe with your child is this( you have a heart problem. 2ou re not dealing with behavioral issues6 you re dealing with the heart. #n !act, let me go beyond that and say behavior is not the crucial issue. 3hanging your child s behavior is not the crucial issue. #n !act, a change in behavior without a change in heart is nothing but hypocrisy. #t is a sham, because the sin and the rebellion is still there and it is only delayed as to its e-pression. %ll behavior, all conduct is linked to some heart condition'some heart attitude. ;arents, listen, your task as parents is to set yoursel! to the heart o! the child. <irst o! all, to help the child understand that he or she has a very sin!ul heart and that it is that inner corruption that rises to cause all evil words, thoughts, and deeds. ;arenting must target the heart6 it cannot target the behavior or it is shallow and super!icial. %nd as # told you last time in our study( parenting, !irst o! all, is redemptive. #t goes !or the heart and the !irst thing your child needs to know is, he has a wicked, sin!ul heart that is alienated !rom God and is the !ountainhead o! every imaginable ini*uity6 and that something has to happen to change that heart. That leads the child to salvation and sancti!ication. One writer says it this way, $The world s smallest battle!ield is the child s heart and the con*uering o! it calls !or all out handBtoBhand combat. 2our child s heart is a battle!ield where sin and righteousness are in con!lict.$ The problem with your child is not a lack o! maturity. The problem with your child is not a lack o! e-perience or a lack o! understanding 'those will e-acerbate the problem, but the problem with your child is a wicked heart. Now, listen to this( no one outgrows depravity. Nobody. ,o, the goal o! parenting is to $bring them up in the nurture and admonition o! the &ord.$ The goal o! parenting is not control'it s not to get them under control. #t is not to produce in them socially commendable behavior. #t is not to make them polite and respect!ul. #t is not even to cause them to conduct themselves in a morally acceptable manner. #t is not to make them obedient. #t is not to give you, as a parent, something to be proud o!. The goal o! parenting is not to get them to per!orm !or your approval . The goal of !arenting is salvation and sanctification. The goal o! parenting is to see your child saved !rom sin and its eternal wages and then to !ollow the path o! sancti!ication. &isten, any ob5ective less than that is only behavior modi!ication and, !rankly, 4uslim children can be made moral and 4uslim children can be made obedient and so can 4ormon children.on their way to eternal hell.

The issue is the heart and you have to understand that you have a sinner who is depraved to the very core who needs salvation and !orgiveness and sancti!ication. 2ou start by making that child aware o! a sin!ul condition and the 5udgment o! God and, as # told you be!ore, you even make that child aware o! an eternal hell. )on t 5ust train your child to be sel!Bcontrolled and learn to say $no$ when wanting something6 train your child to understand temptation and resist it because the sins o! greed, and lust, and sel!ishness, and covetousness, and indulgence, dishonor God and pander a wicked heart. ;unish !or the sin, but teach that the heart is the problem. ,in!ul, unsaved, unsancti!ied children are ruled by the same e-act desires that their larger counterBparts are. 2our children are ruled by lust o! the !lesh, lust o! the eyes, and pride o! li!e. They re sel!ish, sel!Bcentered and they want everything they can see'now; 3orrect them, not to satis!y the o!!ended, irritated, !rustrated parent'that s anger, that s vengeance'but to satis!y God who has been o!!ended and God has not 5ust been annoyed and remind him that God who has been o!!ended seeks a reconciliation with them through trust in Kesus 3hrist. This is the target o! all parenting. #t s the heart and it is salvation. This means reproo!, rebuke, correction, the use o! the rod'lovingly, but noneBtheBless consistently.we ve talked about that. 2ou never use the rod, listen now, you never use the rod as punishment !or sin. That s not your 5ob. 2ou never use the rod as payment !or sin. 2ou use the rod as correction to avoid payment at the hands o! God. %nd the rod has a very important place. This week # received a beauti!ul little letter !rom a young boy in our congregation, 0 or J, named ,teven. This is what he wrote me, he gave me this last ,unday, $Thank you !or the birthday card,$ # sent him a birthday card as # do many o! the children. $#t was very nice o! you to send me a card with your picture on it. # really liked your message on disciplining kids. One day, while getting spanked, my dad broke his $switch.$ % !ew days later, # decided to make him a new $switch.$ #t ended up being bigger than # wanted it to be.$ # love thatL $# wish every pastor would preach the word like you do. ,teven.$ # think ,teven understands, don t you: +hat a sweet little guy to go make his !ather a $switch.$ $Bring them up.$ Bringing them up means targeting the heart. &et me take you to a passage in the Old Testament that will !urther de!ine this heartBcentered instruction. #n )euteronomy, chapter 6, you have a very important !ormula given here !or the raising o! children. )euteronomy 6, is really a chapter instructing parents. )own in verse D, it talks about teaching them diligently to your sons. This is all about !amily instruction, a very, very important chapter. #t re!ers to instructing sons again several times later in the chapter. Now, as you bring them up and as you teach them and as you instruct them, what do you teach them: &et s start at the beginning, verse "( /. The !irst thing you teach them in this section, $1ear, O #srael( the &ord is our God, the &ord is oneL$ The !irst thing you teach them is to recogniCe the true God

and that 1e is sovereign. To recogniCe God, the one God, the &ord who is one. That s the !irst thing( teach them about God. 8. ,econdly, verse 9, teach them to love God. $%nd you shall love the &ord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.$ That s the second essential in bringing them up. I. Thirdly, verse 6, teach them to obey God. $%nd these words which # am commanding you today shall be on your heart and you shall teach them diligently to your sons.$ Teach them about God. Teach them to love God with all their heart and soul and might and teach them to obey God, all his commands. ". Then !ourthly, teach them to !ollow your e-ample. Merse D, $2ou shall teach them diligently to your sons and talk o! them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.$ #n other words, show your children that at all times in your li!e, all e-periences in your li!e, on the tip o! your tongue always, is the +ord o! the &iving God. &et them see that your li!e is dominated by divine truth. &et them see all o! li!e as a classroom'every occasion in li!e, an opportunity to teach.every e-perience in li!e, an opportunity to point them to heaven. Everything that happens to them is a path back to ,cripture. Kesus was the absolute 4aster at drawing spiritual reality !rom the world around him'!rom water, !rom !ig trees, !rom mustard seeds, !rom birds, and bread, and grapes, and pearls, and wheat, and tares, and cups, and platters, and nets, and dinners, and vineyards, and !o-es, and men, and women, and light, and dark.everything that happened in li!e opened up a window on divine reality. # must sensitiCe my children to see the hand o! God and hear the voice o! God and the $print$ o! God in every !lower, every rock, every mountain, the sea, the sky, the babbling brook, the whispering trees, the cricket s chirp, the roaring water!all, the gentle slap o! the sur!, the !ragrance o! a !lower, salt air, little babies, !resh hot berries, hot buttered baked bread, a puppy, a s*uirrel, grandma, and on it goes. Everything in li!e is a classroom to draw them back to God. %lso, it is essential in bringing them up, verses 0 and J, that they be reminded repeatedly about these truths. =eminded about the true God, about loving God, and about obeying God, and about !ollowing your e-ample. 1ow do you do it: $Bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as !rontlets on your !orehead. +rite them on the doorposts o! your house and on your gates.$ %ll o! that'simply ways to say keep the reminder going all the time, constantly, constantly, at all times. 1ave it, as it were, at the !ront o! your mind. 1ave it right on your hands. ;ut it on the doorposts o! your house and on your gates so that you are incessantly taking them back to the truth o! God. Then, one other lesson( teach them to be wary o! the world around them. Merse ten, $Then it shall come about when the &ord your God brings you into the land which 1e swore to your !athers'%braham, #saac, and Kacob'to give you great and splendid cities which you didn t build and houses !ull o! all good things which

you didn t !ill and hewn cisterns which you didn t dig.$ #n other words, they re going to take over a very advanced civiliCation already in place, $.vineyards and olive trees which you didn t plant and you shall eat and be satis!ied. Then, watch yourself lest you !orget the &ord who brought you !rom the land o! Egypt out o! the house o! slavery.$ +arn your children that when they get out in the world and they begin to see all that s there and they begin to touch, and taste, and e-plore, and sense, and e-perience, that they not !orget God. Teach them about the true God. Teach them to love 1im with all their heart, with all their soul, with all their might. Teach them to obey 1im. Teach them to !ollow your e-ample. ,how them that li!e is a classroom no matter what the scene. 3onstantly remind them o! those things which are precious to them and to you and teach them to be wary o! the world. +ith that in mind, we go back to Ephesians 6 and we ll draw this to a conclusion. #n Ephesians chapter 6, a couple o! key words.the !irst one, $Bring them up in the discipline,$ the Greek verb is paideia, it means $to rear a child.$ #t involves training, instruction, learning.it is used also in 1ebrews /8, in verses 9B// o! $chastening$ or $disciplining.$ #t essentially means $training$'it encompasses discipline. 1ere s what it really can be summed up to mean( en!orced con!ormity o! the heart and the li!e to God and 1is truth. 1ow do you en!orce it: By punishments and rewards. Bring them up, train them, raise them with chastening, and discipline, and training, and instruction, and learning, and en!orced con!ormity o! heart and li!e to God and the principles o! 1is +ord. ,usannah +esley had seventeen children, including Kohn and 3harles. ,he once wrote this, $The parent who studies to subdue sel!Bwill in his child, works together with God in the saving o! a soul. The parent who indulges sel!Bwill does the devil s work, makes religion impractical, salvation unattainable, and does all that is in him to drown his child, soul and body !orever. )on t indulge sel!Bwill in a child. ,ubdue it. Breaking sel!Bwill is the key6 teaching them that they are sin!ul and that that sel!B will is a sin!ul e-pression that is an o!!ense against God !or which God will punish them eternally. Teach them that they are called to obey the law o! God which they are to do, but can t do apart !rom God s grace working in their heart. ,how them their sin and show them that they can t do anything about it'only God can change their heart through their !aith in 3hrist. %s they e-ercise simple !aith in 3hrist when they re young, accept each step they take. God only knows when true conversion takes place. Encourage every step toward 1im. The word $admonition$.$Bring them up in the admonition or instruction,$ is the word $nouthesia.$ #t has the idea o! warning in it and it takes us back to what we ve been saying be!ore. +e have to warn our children that there are not only, obviously, physical conse*uences in the !amily o! their behavior, but there are much more serious conse*uences !rom God'so important. $Training,$ the word $training$ or $discipline$ may re!er to what is done to the child in terms o! discipline. But the word $instruction$ re!ers to what is said to the child, it s verbal instruction with a view to 5udgment. #n other words, you must do this because i! you do that, here are the conse*uences.

#t was said o! Eli s sons in # ,amuel, this tragic statement, $1is sons brought a curse on themselves and Eli did not rebuke them.$ #! you read the sad, sad story o! Eli s !amily, you have the key right there. #t wasn t because o! something he did to them, it was because o! what he didn t do. 1e did not warn them. The 4innesota 3rime 3ommission says this, $Every baby starts li!e as a little savage. 1e is completely sel!ish and sel!Bcentered. 1e wants what he wants when he wants it'his bottle, his mother s attention, his playmates toys, his uncle s watch. )eny him these wants and he seiCes with rage and aggressiveness, which would be murderous, were he not so helpless. 1e s dirty. 1e has no morals, no knowledge, and no developed skill. This means that all children are born delin*uent. #! permitted to continue in their sel!Bcentered world o! in!ancy, given !ree rein to their impulsive actions to satis!y each one, every child will grow up a criminal, a thie!, a killer, and a rapist.$ Not bad !rom the 4innesota 3rime 3ommission. +hat they re describing is what: )epravity. The task is !ormidable, !olks, and the truth o! the matter is only God can change the heart. The goal is not to modi!y their behavior6 the goal is !or God to change the heartL To lead your child to 3hrist and then when your child acknowledges 3hrist, to lead that child to sancti!ication by discipline and instruction. ,pend your time helping your child to understand how sin!ul he is. ,pend your time helping him or her to understand that only God can change the heart. ,pend your time disciplining that child to con!orm to God s law. But more than that, to love God with all his or her heart and soul and mind. One !ather looking at the parenting process in retrospect had some practical things to add to that. $#! # were starting my !amily again,$ he said this, $# would love my wi!e more in !ront o! my children. # would laugh with my children more at our mistakes and our 5oys. # would listen to my children more, even to the littlest one. # would be more honest about my weaknesses and not pretend per!ection. # would pray di!!erently !or my !amily'rather than !ocusing on them, # d !ocus on me. # would do more things with my children. # would do more encouraging. # would bestow more praise. # would pay more attention to little things. # would speak about God more intimately out every ordinary thing o! every ordinary day, # would point them to God. %nd that s really it. # don t think all the little nuances o! behavior are the issue. # don t think whether your child stands still or runs around in a circle is the issue. # don t think whether your child sits like &ittle &ord <auntleroy with an unwrinkled garment on the stool or 5umps across the back o! the couch. # don t think that s necessarily the issue. +hat is the issue is the heart and whether that little li!e can be taught to love God and understand that only God can change his or her heart. That s the path o! parenting'that s the path it has to take and it s heartBwork and it s a battle!ield. #t takes not only instruction and discipline, but utterly consistent e-ample.

&et me tell you about a little, sickly child as # close. ,ick with rheumatic !ever and assorted illness, so that child was in bed much o! its early years o! li!e...carried a residual heart de!ect, caused certain restriction in activity. The child was prone to accident and mishap, went through assorted surgeries and accidents !rom reckless activity. The child was mischievous.did such terrible things as letting all the neighbor s pet birds out o! the cages so they all !lew away. One morning taking a doCen eggs out o! the re!rigerator, putting them in the hall, taking a hammer and smashing them all 5ust to see what a hammer did to an egg. =unning away several times, usually only as !ar as the lady s house who made those good pies. )irecting tra!!ic in the middle o! a street, setting !ire to the kitchen, telling the teacher to pray !or his !ather because his !ather had chopped o!! his !oot simply because he wanted the best $share and tell$. Biting people so that his !ather had to make a sign around his neck that said, $)on t play with me. # bite.$ Now, # am intimately ac*uainted with that little boy'it was me. %nd so it went, even to one occasion where my !ather had to come and get me out o! 5ail. +hy was # like that: +as it because my parents didn t love me: No. +as it because somehow they spanked me and # was wounded'in my psyche: No. #t was because # was really, 5ust like all the rest, depraved to the very core. %nd, i! le!t to mysel!, who knows what criminal activities # might have engaged in. But, persistent prayer and persistent instruction !rom loving parents led me to Kesus 3hrist and to salvation and the path o! sancti!ication and to stand be!ore you here as a preacher. 2ou may look at your little one and say, $This is double depravity. # m not sure # can cope with it.$ 2ou can t, but God can. ,tay on your knees and understand what it is that you re doing. #t s heartBwork !or salvation and sancti!ication. The rest !lows out o! that. <ather, thank you !or a wonder!ul time tonight to think through these things which are !amiliar to us and yet need to be rehearsed again and again as we !ace that daily responsibility o! leading our little ones to the knowledge o! Kesus 3hrist and to you. 1elp us to be !aith!ul !or 1is glory. %men. Transcribed and added to the John MacArthur Collection by" Tony 3apoccia Bible Bulletin Board Bo- //J 3olumbus, New Kersey, A,%, E0E88 Our websites( www.biblebb.com and www.gospelgems.com Email( tonyNbiblebb.com &nline since ,+/<