5 part Series for Attracting more Love in your Life

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships. MEN DO 1. Just listen to your partner without offering advice. 2. Trust and respect her. 3. Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship. 4. Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions. 5. Continue your courtship even after shes committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship. 6. Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesnt care if you call her at work to say, I love you or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones. 7. Honor any agreements you have made with her. 8. Encourage her goals and direction. 9. Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her. 10. Say, Im sorry when youve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally. DONT 1. Go to bed angry with your partner.

2. Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment. 3. Pretend to listen to her when you really arent. 4. Shut your partner out when you need to sort things out in your head. Just explain you need space, you arent angry with your partner and that youll be back. 5. Criticize your partner, especially her appearance. 6. Yell at your partner as if you were her father. 7. Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in absolutes, such as You NEVER listen to me; when what she really means is that you arent listening to her at that time. 8. Allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship. 9. Violate her privacy. 10. Forget special occasions. Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Womens List follows: WOMEN DO 1. When you want more quality time with your man, make the time you do have as positive as possible. 2. Trust and respect him. 3. Stop nagging. 4. Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.

5. Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so. 6. Make love creatively and often. Dont be afraid to initiate lovemaking. 7. Honor any agreements you have made with him. 8. Support his goals and direction. 9. Ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really cant read your mind.) 10. Accept his No gracefully, trusting that he would if he could. DONT 1. Go to bed angry with your partner. 2. Insist he always share his feelings with you. Talking about feelings is more what women need. 3. Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event. 4. Continue to give in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment. 5. Criticize him or put him down, especially the things he does. 6. Scold your partner as if he were a child. 7. Use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for bad behavior. 8. Compare him to a fictional character in a book, movie or soap drama and find him lacking. 9. Violate his privacy. 10. Try to change him. Appreciate the man he is right now. There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please dont become one of the statistics of divorce or

perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away. Five tips to revitalize your Love Life

You have the ability to radiate and revitalize your love vibe to attract more desirable experiences. When you feel loving, you will attract more love. Feeling good about yourself, attracts others to you. 1. Feel Motivated and Enthusiastic About Life and LOVE When your energy goes into all of your relationships it makes it hard to focus on you and what you want to create. It becomes challenging to maintain balanced emotional, mental and physical health. When your energy is engaged in an unhappy or abusive relationship with a negative thinking or a mis-behaving person, you are vulnerable to illness and exhaustion. So much of your vital force goes into making things right that you become depleted. 2. Release Un-Wanted Thoughts When you think about your past problems, your energy goes into them. Have you spent time thinking ahead of yourself into the future preparing, planning or worrying about what is yet to come? When you jump into the past or future events or situations it is difficult to appreciate and make the most of the present moment. What you think about; you bring about. When you spend time on unwanted thoughts or feelings it leaves less energy for you to just be. 3. Love Energy is Intoxicating Can you remember feeling in love? Love energy is intoxicating. Access that intoxicating love energy to incorporate positive, loving feelings into your life. Connecting to a loving feeling creates a feeling of safety and support. When you feel safe, you release anxiety, awkwardness and uneasiness, allowing your natural sexual expression to flow easily. 4. Increase Your Vibrant LOVE Essence Reclaiming your energy will not only help stop unwanted thoughts, it will also decrease confusion and increase your ability to communicate with your own inner voice. To reclaim your own energy from people, places and

situations, visualize a shimmering golden sun above your head. Allow it to magnetically reclaim your energy from places where you left it. Then, with your imagination, bring the golden sun down into your body, replenishing all the cells of your body. Imagine yourself engulfed with this powerful, vibrant essence of YOU. 5. Revitalize Your Self Any Time, Any Where You can replenish yourself all day long. While standing in a stagnant grocery line, after a grueling energy zapping meeting with your boss or during a soccer game with the kids, you can replenish your energy. Revitalize your drooping spirit any time during the day or while practicing the relaxing exercises in this book. You can re-energize yourself as often as desired. Begin to feel lighter, more alive, relaxed, and calm as you reclaim more of your energy. There is an infinite amount of energy you can reclaim for yourself. When you have more of our own vital energy in your energetic space and body, you build momentum and attract more of what you desire. With practice, your energy becomes more powerful and magnetic. Without effort, you develop clarity and effortlessly become what you want. Your natural effervescence will begin to bubble up as you release accumulated stress and radiate your natural sensuality. Snap out of it now! Snap Out of Your Automatic Reactions and Create Presence, Joy and Fullness in Your Relationship! You know those times when youve had a heated argument with your partner and are still feeling angry and resentful? You know that if you could only apologize or touch them tenderly, things could move on, but you just cant let go of your anger! * You KNOW, because youve heard it everywhere, that YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Right? * Your partner doesnt have the power to MAKE you angry or sad-no one can MAKE you feel any way except Y-O-U! Right? * You have a CHOICE about how you react to what your partner does, right? Rationally, you know this to be true, but why is it that you cannot control your emotions? Like clockwork, the very next time your partner comes through the door in the evening 30 minutes late, you are in an argument before the door closes. Once the fight ensues, you dont feel capable of choosing to stop and end the argument with an apology or an act of tenderness. Your automatic reactions have assumed control of you. You waste hours feeling furious instead of spending good time with the one you love. How often does this occur in

your relationships? CLIENT STORY: I want control over my reactions! Linda used to find it impossible to let go of her anger and reach out with forgiveness to her husband directly after a heated argument. Why? Because once she automatically engaged her reaction of anger by complaining, insulting and blaming, she was no longer capable of choosing how to react. Her emotional response took on a life of its own! Whats going on? Linda was not conditioned to consciously experience her feelings of anger-a normal human emotion. When sensations of anger arose in her body, her programming kicked in and she automatically placed responsibility for her anger onto someone or something else. Once Linda began reacting to her feelings of anger by projecting them outwardly, she began a vicious cycle of anger and regret. I helped Linda with the four easy steps of the SNAP Out Of It NOW! Method. Linda learned to: 1. Acknowledged that she was stuck in negative thinking (about what it means when her husband comes home late), and that she was unconsciously reacting (complaining and blaming) to her own negative thought patterns. 2. Experience herself reacting-to really think about and to fully become aware of her reactions and their consequences (no-win situation leaving her feeling empty and her husband unhappy). 3. Sense the feeling within her body (heat rising in chest) that was provoking the impulse to react with blaming. 4. Breathe with focused intention with the feeling inside. As she breathed, the feeling dissipated and she no longer felt controlled by her automatic angry reaction. Linda discovered how to quiet her mind and how to connect with and experience her feelings. When she acknowledged and experienced the feelings within her, she no longer felt the impulse to react with blame toward her husband. After 3 sessions, Linda said to me, I am no longer controlled by my feelings of anger. As I breathe to the sensation of heat rising in my chest, the sensation dissipates and I am back in control. I feel better about myself and I actually look forward to seeing my husband when he comes home. If he comes home later than expected I find something to do to fill the time. Linda began to feel appreciation for her husband rather than only anger and resentment. Part of the stress in life is that feelings of anger and resentment get in the way of the desire to be present with the ones we love-whether they are parents, spouses, children or friends-and to create joy and fullness in our relationships.

Male and Female Communication Styles Unfortunately, the simple act of communicating with one another can lead

to confused messages, or messages being missed entirely. This is especially true when it comes to communication between men and women. Its no wonder theres conflict, when they interpret the same conversation in different ways. This is because of the different conversational styles of men and women. Many examples will stereotype male/female responses. There are many exceptions to the examples Ive identified. Analyze how you feel or respond to situations; compare them to those described, and decide if you need to change anything in your communication style. As women grow up, talk is the thread from which relationships are woven. They develop and maintain friendships by exchanging secrets, and regard talking as the cornerstone of friendships. Men bond as intensely as women, but their friendships are based more on doing things together and dont require talk to cement relationships. Men converse to negotiate status; women to create rapport. Men are comfortable telling people what to do; women dont like to pull rank, so request, rather than demand (which leads the men to believe they have the right to accept or refuse the womans request). When conversing, women face each other directly, with eyes anchored on each others face. Men sit at angles to each other and look elsewhere in the room-periodically glancing at each other and often mirror each others body movements. Mens tendency to face away from them when conversing gives women the impression that the men arent listening to them, when in fact they are. The only times men will really look for any length of time at the person whos speaking are when theyre trying to evaluate whether the speaker is lying or not; the speaker is hostile and they may have to take defensive action; or theyre evaluating an attractive woman. In this last case, theyll glance over the womans body while listening to her comments. This is highly distracting to the female speaker because the mans eyes mirror that hes not really listening to what shes saying, but rather sizing her up as a woman. Another habit that gives women the impression men arent listening is that they switch topics more often. Women tend to talk at length about one topic; men tend to jump from topic to topic. When a woman expresses her point of view, her female listener usually expresses agreement and support, whereas men point out the other side of the issue. Women see this as disloyalty and a refusal to offer support to their ideas. Women prefer other points of view expressed as suggestions and inquiries, rather than as direct challenges or arguments. Men are more comfortable with an oppositional style. Men expect silent attention and interpret constant listener noise as signs of impatience on the listeners part. When men dont make listening noises, women may assume theyre not listening to them. Women make more listening noises such as uh-huh to encourage the other person. Men often believe these noises mean

the woman agrees with him, when she may not agree with him at all. Because men dont make as many listening noises, women assume theyre not really listening. Men are also less likely to make non-verbal signs of listening, and many continue doing whatever they were doing before the conversation began. Women are more likely to nod their head more, give direct eye contact, and stop whatever else they may have been doing when the conversation began. Women often overlap and finish each others sentences (normally, neither is offended). Men clam up or react defensively when women do this to them, because they feel the womans trying to take over the conversation. Men feel its rude to finish anothers comments and shows lack of attention to what theyre