2004 m birželio 5 d. (saturday 5/6/04). 9.30am.

Im in a room (@ 60 Lt / nght till sundy but theyll put

me → a cheepo 40 Lt room 4 monday & tuesday coz a group of 70 or so hav bookd in 4 then) on th
7th floor of a 15 storey soviet type (most of th city is post war as it was dstroyd) buildn ovrlookn th ntire
city ‫ ڤ‬I ntnd 2 make myself famliar wth & lookn drektly † 2 th very mposn kathdral whch wth this & a
watr towr I can c on th othr side (140,000 peopl & 4th biggst in lithol&, 2½ hrs x train north from Kaun-
as) domin8 it. Juozas met me @ th st8n & I mnaged 2 konvince him I needd 2 stay here nstead of @
their place (their dghtr has lready nvited me ovr x fone 2 go 2 her place in Talinn in stonia whch is
only 8 hours x bus says Juozas) bcoz I need my ‘space’ 2 b abl 2 write th journl. Im glad th kathdral (it
has a bshop (says Juozas hoo knows evrythn & hoos unit 10 mins away on th 3rd floor of ‫ ڤ‬looks dre-
ktly out on 2 th front of it)) srvived th war as its an mposin buildn. I had t of vederai (sausage skins
stuffd wth spuds in a sauce of cream & spirgučiai (fried choppd bakon)) whch I had lready eatn 4 lun-
ch in th senamiestis in Kaunas @ a pub whch specializes in litho foods 2 whch Im restriktn myslf wh-
ile in lithol& (ystrdy I 8 Tiškevičiaus virtiniai (dumplns stuffd wth wild mushrooms) ther) calld Berneliu
Užeiga whr x chance Brigita, Vaidas (hoo had told me O th place), & Miglė wer also eatn. Vaidas was
drinkn brandy but I drank a drink whch looks like beer & is a good non lokoholik rplacemnt 4 it & u can
get in all th cafes but last nght @ O mdnght I had x 2 stubbies of Kvietinis (a beer made from wheat)
whch is a dskovry & I like bcoz I wantd 2 hghtn th fx of 15 mgs of valium I took 2 nsure a good nghts
sleep coz I was bslutely knackrd & Juozas is coming O @ 12 2 take me 2 his sodyba (summr hous)
whch backs on2 4sts 20ks out of town. Ncdntly I had a small glass of a very tasty drop @ Juozases
(hoo hardly drinks & says his fathr (my fathrs brothr) drank 2 xss in th nd but it was ndrst&bl bcoz of
his life in SIBERIA 2 whch hed bn sentnced 2 25 years & was undr konstant threat of xkution & lost
his toes 2 frostbite & came back brokn) calld Čepkeliu trauktinė a bottl of whch I ntnd 2 bring home
2 Melbourn (7/8/04. just gave Joe a nip & H is sayn shed finance him if he wntd 2 mport it 4 promot-
ion here). I m sharin th buildn wth a unit of 50 belgian airmen (7/8/04 l8r (c ‘Vilnius → Melbourne’) I
dskovrd they wer goin lswhr 2 wash coz it woz nfktd wth legionella whch I hadnt bn told O. Then they
shftd out l2gthr coz th skape xits wer naild up & th fire fightn gear woz v&lized) hoos job it is 2 p@rol
th bordrs of litho from the newly opend airfield outside Šiauliai whr their planes r based as litho cant
f4d planes of its own. Som of them got MUGGD recently whn they made th mistake of gettng drunk in
town. It doesnt do 2 b out aftr dark here eithr Juozas says. Im gettn dressd (bn sittn here writin in th
nuddy) & out in2 th Šiauliu (ie of Šiauliai) version of Laisvės Alėja 4 brekky …. Som miscellanea : on
th 1st day in Kaunas I was havn 2 jump back from th road coz I woz reflxivly lookn 2 th rght b4 †n it;
l8r Vaidas pointd out 2 me th@ I was movng 2 th left 2 pass oncoming peopl on a crowdd footpath
whn they wer movn 2 their rght as is th habit here; whn w passd som soldiers on th walk wth Alvinga
sh suggstd they wer a waste of time whch surprised me from a Kaunas persn & I agreed & said th
money would b bettr spnt (14/8/04. esp as th only kuntry they kould protkt thmslvs gainst is l@l&) on
bordr police 2 cut down on govt ncom lost through smuggln; I saw sevrl pairs of girls here walkn h& in
h& whch I ddnt c 1ce in Kaunas; th girl I talkd 2 on th train from Kaunas said sh had no ntrst in going
overseas & would prefr 2 work here xept sh could not find any & sh said peopl here r friendlier than in
Kaunas; Juozas says th church steepl was evn tallr b4 th war; Im O 2 opn th small bottl of Čepkeliu
trauktine whch Iv just bought @ th suprmrkt whch says 36% ALK but mayb not x volume; Juozas (hoo
is probbly good 4 my health as he is very fit & nclind 2 walk fast) said my gr&mothr hoo died in th
room I was in as a child in Panemunė spoke only polsh till sh was 18 sh being from th ŠLĖKTA
(supposedly of rstokr@ik orgin but x modrn times 10% of poles konsidrd thmslvs in th k@gry) whras
my gr&fathrs 4bears wer serfs & litho was his 1st & only language. (just had a nip of Čepkeliu – nice!)
Now though most peopl can speak russian & u oftn hear th word BLAT u mainly hear litho in th stree-
ts but (Juozas says) ther is a new genr8n grown up whch is 4gettn ruski & learnn nglsh whch may
xplain why most bars & cafes play nglsh pop whch I h8 (nip). Anyway he spottd me in th bar wher I
had eatn LĖTINIAI (wth sūriu & kunpiu (chees & ham)) 4 breakfast & whn w left I had 4gottn 2 pay
(prices r cheapr here than in Kaunas) & th waitress cght up wth me in th street & Juozas said in Kau-
nas sh would probbly hav yelld & carried on & w drove wth Janė (pronouncd Yaneh) (nip) 2 his SOD-
O NAMELI (summr hous) O 20k away (nip) in his clappd out VW & w went 4 a 3 hour walk thrgh bea-
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utful 4st & 2 lakes (while Janė was gettn ngry coz sh was xpektn us back quickr 4 dinnr) & w heard th
knock knock of a woodpeckr & I dntfied it as TRIPIRŠTIS GENYS (Picoides tridactylus) whch is not
common. Janė, ncidntllly, does a bit of lektrn in famly health & psychlogy @ college levl but is mainly
a dminstr8r. As w wer lmost back th klutch on th VW (2nd h& 1s r th main transport here) konkd out &
only 3rd gear is left. (nip) W greed 2 meet on mondy 12.00 @ his place wher aftr a meal he will take
me 2 th hill of †s whch is th major 2rst @raktion here. 2morrow I want 2 → O x myslf. Juozas says H
& I r wlkum 2 use his SODO NAMELI as long as w want nxt summr as they only slept ther 1ce last
year & then he suggsts w could go 2 his daughtrs place in Talinn in stonia from whr th ferry 2 Helsinki
in finl& takes only 1 hour. He reckns Talinn has an evn bettr ‘old town’ than Vilnius. (nip). I → big chr-
ch wher a solmn weddn was takn place & they put 1 of thos tall h@s wth a cleft in it on th celbrnts
head so I knew he woz th BSHOP. (nip) (12.05) Then I went 2 his place gain 2 nquir O th car whch is
KAPUT & followd him in2 th cellr undr th ‫( ڤ‬whch is MAZIN) whr he locks up his bike in his persnl
storage room. Its like a BOMB sheltr or th KATAKOMBS (nip). Thn w went 2 c th grave site of my othr
gr&fathr (my mothrs side) (nip) wher th metal plaques hav bn rippd off nearly evry headstone (thievs
sell metl & evn storm watr grills & metal (esp brass) st@ues etc. hav dispeard) ncludng his. Th words
on his grave (PAMINKLAS) : PRANAS KABAILA 1890/08/24 MIRĖ 1958/05/15 LIETUVOS
KARIOMENĖS PULKININKAS SAVANORIS IR KURĖJAS VYTIES KRYŽIAUS KAVALIERIUS wh-
ch in nglsh says : Pranas Kabaila 24/8/1890 – 15/5/1958 a colonel of th litho rmy & a volunteer &
participant in th 4m8n of it & awarded a vytis ‡ (th highst bravry award like eg purpl heart or iron
† or I cant rmmbr th ozzie 1 coz I m an ropian.) (nip) (nip) (biggr nip (as I m rreadn th ntry b4 hittn
th sack (12.35))) (nip) (nip) (nip) (nip) (koff, koff) (I kan ndrst& why ther r so many alkies here). 20-
04 m birželio 6 d. (Sunday 6/6/04). Im quotn from th booklt from th Šiauliai 2rsm info centre. "INVIT-
ATION. The city of Šiauliai has always been at the crossroad of highways and little paths
between north and south, east and west. (paragraph) The Šiauliai crossroad is not only a
crossing point of five highways and six railway routes but also a joining point of Žemaitija
and Aukštaitija regions. Moreover, Šiauliai is (the use of the present tense (7/8/04. I note th rtkl
in th booklt my mum gave me was writtn in 1991) here is xtrordnary & a xampl of how th past is
shaped x the presnt & I hav 2 commnt on it (7/8/04 so 2 set th rkord str8 I nklude th follown m@rial
from ‘Jews, Lithuanians and the Holocaust’ x Alfonsas Eidintas (c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’)) :

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) if Im not 2 lose kredbilty (day b4 ystrdy on th train I read a small rtcl in th papr O a claim x the Zuroff
version of th Wiesenthal orgniz8n sayng ther was a game of basktball playd in 41 btween lithos & ger-
mn troops whch was 1 x th lithos whr th prize was th@ th mmbrs of th winnn team could each kill 8
jews. Th claim has bn rferrd 2 th orgniz8n of xprts whch has bn set up here 2 nvstg8 such assrtions
(14/8/04. havn fnshd th Eidintas book I kan say th@ th faktual dtail is far mor dstrssn than journlstik
nvntions) & it can find no rkord of th lleged evnt but pparntly ther was a book publshd in germn whch
may b th source of th story. Mayb th purpose of reO8ng such stories is 2 keep th past vvid but judgn x
th reaktions of my ozzie friends it is kountrproduktiv & it sows dscord mong sections of th ffectd com-
mnities (but here ther is hardly any ntrst as they hav nough presnt troubls)) becoz ccordng 2 th latest
census (ccording 2 an rtcl O a kontrovcy @ th Vilnius synagog I read in nothr papr) ther r only 4000
peopl claimn 2 b jwsh left in th O of lithol&. Morover Šiauliai was th site of th 3rd largest ghetto during
th war whch was lmn8d completely as wer th 1s in Vilnius & Kaunas. It was from here th@ 1 or 2
truckloads (if I remmbr th rZoWsIe ccount crrectly) of germn troops rrived 2 suprvise & xkute th mas-
skr of 2nd october 1941 in Žagarė (16/8/04. c top left of covr map).) an island of Polish (16/8/04.
AŠlUb-RiNnAas (husb& of eŠlUvRyNrAa hoo knew my fathr as a young man & hoo tells me whn I
was a youth I had promsd 2 nclude her in my writn) fathr of Pete 2 hoom I gave my last 2 ‘pieces’ on
sundy @ litho haus (Errol st, Nth Melb) tells me th@ litho/polsh nobel laure8 Czeslaw Milosz
(Česlovas Milašius (b 1910)) close relo of Oskar Milosz (Oskaras Milašius (1877-1939)) died day
b4 ystrdy (ie 14/8 (c my piece ‘14/8/41’ 4 th mportnce of th d8))), Russian and Jewish cultures.
Today we still live on that crossroad. We realise that we are on the left and on the right,
we are Žemaitija and Aukštaitija. We are Lithu-ania, a small part of it and we take an
active part in its life and development. Living on a crossroad is very dynamic, full of
tension and dangers but nevertheless, it is interesting and exciting. (U can say th@ again!)
HISTORY. The present city name is traced to the word “šaulys” (the shot)(I think they meant
šaulys – a marksman). Peo-ple say that in the old days, the surrounding woods were
abundant with wild beasts and birds, therefore the hunters and the shots’ (mayb shootrs)
settlement on the bank of the lake was called Šiauliai. (paragraph) First historical sources
which mention the name of Šiauliai described the march of the Sword-bearers (later the
order of Livonia) and the 1236 battle of Saulė. The Victory of the Lithuanians and their
allies in this battle is a very important event in the history of the state of Lithuania. In the
15th – 18th centuries Šiauliai became an important economic and admin-istration center
of Northern and Western Lithuania. Trade roads connected Šiauliai with Riga and
Klaipeda, and the famous Hanse Trade League points on the coast of the Baltic Sea.
(paragraph) Many ideas of 19th –20th century culture and democracy were born in the
circles of Siauliai intelligensia. Later their members took part in creating the independent
state of Lithuania. (paragraph) The wars of the 20th century almost wiped Šiauliai from the
surface. The present appearance reflects postwar (1946-1990) buildings. Only the
architectural monument of the 17th century St Peter and Paul Cathedral still recalls the
past as well as the town streets reconstructed in the classical style … It is a town with
the youngest University in Lithuania, a town of singing and musical traditions (but Iv only
heard ngl-sh pop so far just as in Kaunas) CULTURE. Culture is a way of life. Theatre lovers are
welcome to the Šiauliai Drama Theatre. The entertainment center “MAX”, and the
entertainment club “MEGA” are always ready to enter-tain their visitors. Original country
music club “Juone pastogė” will help you to relax in a country style club inter-ior…” What
they also fail to mntion is th@ th soviet style blocks of units (like Melbournes housn co-mmssion but
with balknies whr washn is hung out) in whch 80% of lokals liv r very bleak while th 20% hoo stole
(peopl keep telln me) th wealth left ovr frm th dsntgr8ion of th soviet mpire r buildng mprssiv homes in
mor sulubrious ‫ڤ‬s. How they kornrd th best spots on lake & rivr is 2 long a story 2 tell here. (Ncdntlly I
4got 2 mntion a story I read in Kaunas O a man in his 80s hoo livs on th streets bcoz th hous he had
livd in since th war was rclaimd x th 4mr ownr (such houses com 2gethr wth their long term 1Oants)
hoo turfd him → .) …. Spent th day strolln aimlssly O th city : vsitd th chrch gain, but wasnt able 2 get
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→ th rthodox 1 whch was dsspointn as I was very mprssd wth th 1 in Kaunas. Walkd O th cemtry 4 a
bettr look & gain noted how many visitrs ther r & saw womn 10dng flowrs or just sittn quietly x
gravesites. W@chd a rugby m@ch on an θ in th park in whch a childrns evnt was also takng place.
Walkd along 1 side of th main lake on th city edge & thrgh th 4st th@ bordrs it. I m findn all th parks &
4sts very @raktiv & full of birds possbly bcoz th grass is not mown as it is in ═ 1s in Melb-ourn. 4 th
3rd ccasion on th trip I bcame tearful & 1ce gain I provide an @mpt @ an xplan8n. I was havin lunch
of cepelinai (only 4 Lt here; evrythn is cheapr than in Kaunas) washd down wth ½ litr of a terrfik brew
calld Kunigaikščiu (russet colourd wth a sour edge 2 th taste @ 3 Lt) & th muzik being playd was
aktually sntmntl (šlageris) litho pop 4 a change wth words like “noriu, noriu būt turtingas ir mylėti ir
turėti daug draugū / o aš tik noriu, noriu būt turtingas .. “ir taip toliau (I want, I want 2 b rich & 2
lov & hav lots of friends / all I want, I want is 2 b rich …etc. etc.) & “man gerai kad aš šiandien
bagus ir laimingas žmogus / o rytoi tegul griūva dangus …” (its OK 4 me 2day coz Im a rich &
happy man / & 2morrow 4 all I care th sky can fall in …). This was @ an ordnry eatry @ th mar-kt
whch I could spend pages dscribin but I wont @mpt th task bcoz it dservs a bettr writr than me. @ th
ntry @ th nd of th passage wer th heavies (u should c th way they muscl up & they r huge) selln what
wer probbly drugs & as I listnd 2 song aftr song I realized they all had th same theme & it ccurd 2 me I
was listnn 2 th real muzik of th peopl (LIAUDĖS) unrel8d eithr 2 th nglsh pop in th bars along th main
st or 4 th@ m@r 2 th so calld folk muzik I heard in Vilnius whr they dress up in th silly clothes & whch
I myslf used 2 sing. I suspekt my git8n was nfluencd x th fakt th@ from 1 of th wndows on th 7th floor
of my hotel towr I hav a view of th rem& prisn wher a 1000 men r nkarcer8d ½ naked & wth only a few
‫ ٱ‬mtrs/man says Juozas. If I hadnt bn told I would nevr hav suspektd it as th buildn is quite small. U
kannot go thrgh th systm wthout bkumn brutalizd says Juozas as th tradtional krimnl kode & hierarch
systm whch has lways bn here (& in SIBERIA) prvails nside. Then they let thm out th door wthout th
slghtst rehab or hope of a job & no altrntiv but 2 feed thmslvs x crime as is th case wth a signfkant
sektion of th hopeless & poor hoo hav had 2 leav th rural ‫ٱ‬s 4 th city. No 1dr u cant walk O @ nght &
as a rch 4reignr I feel a sens of threat. Som of th 2rsts from th litho commnity in Melbourn & Sydney
should spend a bit of time in th markts of rgional towns such as Šiauliai nstead of just th sen-
amiesčiai of Kaunas & Vilnius. A guy hoo did time in a US jail told Juozas th konditions wer so good x
komprison u wantd 2 stay in longr. Its 7.06 & th long slow evenn whch is such a feature (dark @ 11-.
00) & so dffernt 2 oz is O 2 bgin & Im → 4 a meal & a glass of Kunigaikščiu (or 2 or 3)…. 9.45. hav
com back wth a bottl of Čepkeliu trauktine & a bottl of Kvietinis. Juozas woulnt pprove. 8 lėtiniai wth
suriu & kumpis @ th café I had → wthout payin. Im known ther now. It was full of germn 2rsts (11/8-
/04. aktually I think they wer th belgian NATO troops cellbr8n th@ they wer leavn town) probbly bookd
in2 ths hotl as ther is a bus out front. I hav learnt 2 rkognize anglo (11/8/04. walloon? & note th freud-
ian slip) features. They wer rlaxd talkn loud, legs spread kumfy eatn great food 4 lmost nothn. I felt a
surg of disgust & melncholy. 1 or 2 bus loads of rich krauts had such an mpact on th street yet 1000
lockd up men wthn a stones throw wer nvisbl 2 thm. & they will nevr know evn if they keep comn back
of10 4 th free food. How many things r nvisbl likewise 2 all of us? I felt soldarity wth th wkward (guys
in track suit type gear but in Kaunas theyv swtchd 2 dnm) lithos → street tryin 2 look modrn from what
they c on telly. Saw lots mor young womn h& in h& & evn 2 mixd couples (4som) all h& in h& : sure
sgn they wasnt krauts but I can pick th diffrnce anyway now coz the germns look just like aussies.
Saw a showy bird in a side street, a Šarka (Pica pica) whch is like a large willie wagtail (13/8/04. they
r bcomn much rarer in rcent yrs). Saw th brown husky-like dog (u can pay 1000 Lt @ th markt 4 a
good dog says Juozas) wth th BLUE tongue I had cn ystrdy. This was from th Gubernia tent in th mid-
dl of th mall whr I woz drinkn a glass (1/2 ltr) of Kunigaikščiu. Th favorit beer here is Švyturys bcoz it
wins prizes & is sold 2 th yanx but its just like any othr beer. Mayb I should put in a short note on kon-
omik m@rs. Vaidas took me 2 c th rmains of a BAJORO (boyar) sst8 whn I was @ their vienkemis.
The O stablishmnt ccupies ‫ ٱ‬ks & was left 2 ruin (11/8/04. cept 4 th main buildn whch mght hav bn
used as th kolhoz office) in th soviet days & is byond rpair not th@ it would b evn x th currnt govt.
Ther is nothn like it in ozziel& & if ntakt it would b a great 2rst @raktion & pay its way many times ovr.
I xplaind 2 him (11/8/04. bein a traind konomist !) th@ wealth doesnt rside primarly in th skill or dlig-
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ence of peopl (not th@ lithos r eithr) nor in their kr8vness but in what is ccumul8d & konsrvd ovr time
& th kommos dstroyd (4 they could hav preservd & used it if they had known how) all this. A k away u
could c large struktures whch had bn storage sheds or somthn 4 th kolhoz whch had rplaced th BA-
JORO holdns. It 2 was drelikt & had bn dsmantld x pilfrers. Ther used 2 b magnifcent windmills in
thes ‫ٱ‬s x rivrs th@ wer in perfkt nick till rcently though nused & they 2 r byond rpair, wreckd 4 their
m@rials. 2 sets of ccumul8ns of wealth (ie produkts of work) hav bn dstroyd (1 x th soviets & 1 x thos
hoo rplaced thm) ovr a period of 60 years. It will take a long time 2 rkovr from th@ & in spite of all th
konfdence mong th thievs in Vilnius they probbly nevr will. But they 1nt evn know it in Vilnius coz
theyll b beezee wth euro poltiks & 1nt com out 2 places like this. Im drunk. Good night. 2004 m. bir-
želio 7d (monday 7/6/04) 9.10 am. Th reasn why I mght hav 2 change me room is th@ 60 or so NA-
TO troops r rriving 2 rplace th 50 belgians hoo r also NATO peopl hoo r here now but dont leave till
2morrow. Th lady rceptionst hoo Im sposed 2 talk 2 normlly starts @ 9 but is late 2day & may not b
here till 11. I promisd Juozas 2 b @ his place @ 12 & not 2 hav eatn 4 he reckns he wants 2 cook up
somthn special 4 lunch & thn take me 2 c th ‘hill of †s’ in a car hell get a lend of. Im off 2 th othr nd of
th mall 2 x myslf a biro. Ncdentlly Im sure som1 could make thmslvs a good $ prmotin Čeptkeliu trau-
ktine in ozzil& (take my word 4 it as an xprt) though Im not in2 such thngs. Its a great drop & only a
m@r of promotion (same 4 Kunigaikščiu) but mayb most things r like th@. Also ystrdy I bought a bit
of sausage @ th markt whch woz skrumptious, th tastiest Iv eatn. Th range ther is huge & lithos r pr-
oud their foods r naturl & tasty & varied. I kan vouch th@ wth all its ethnik dversty Melbourn kannot
kompare wth it. It was noticeabl though how few kustomrs ther wer kompared 2 th numbr of stallhol-
drs. They kannot possbly srvive & a time will soon kum whn thes famly koncerns will b 4ced out x th
new konmy & th suprmrkts (th 1 near x is chokka) & kulnary bl&nss (fake, only pparnt variety) will rein
sprem as it does in oz. … bought a pen (1.20 Lt) & a bottl of Čepkeliu 2 take 2 Juozases. Ill x som
flowrs on the way. U of10 c peopl carryng flowrs here & they r 4 sale evrywhr. Also Ill take a beaut-
fully llustr8d booklt on beatls I brought from oz (lready gave tokn prsnts of eukliptus & t-tree oil). I woz
jokin 2 th kleann womn they mght have 2 put me ↓ cellr 2 make way 4 NATO but they said they only
put alkies ↓ ther & I said but I m 1 & they said so wer they. I note a cheery mood in th mall 2day & ther
is no evdence of th krauts – mayb they r a weeknd fnomna. As I was walkng back just now it ccurd 2
me th@ th kult of rspekt 4 th dead (thgh it kan b msused 2 justfy rprssion (esp of what is said)
& @ worst th killn of livn peopl) so much in vdence here is a 4m of rspekt 4 yourslf & th way in
whch th dead r able 2 kontnue 2 liv on. If u hav 0 els it kan konstute your O life. So it is thrgh
th dsspossssd th@ th dead r most aktivly presnt. They seek 2 liv 4evr & it may b 2 4get thm is
2 b dead or lmost dead yourslf. & so THE PRESENT IS OF THE PAST NO LESS THAN THE
PAST CONTINUES IN THE PRESENT. Iv just skord a success. I can keep my room & 4 2night Ill b
guardd x ovr 100 NATO troops. (nip) (nip). I hav 2 make my pologies 2 th krauts of th O. Th guys I
calld krauts wer th belgian (walloon speakrs) NATO guys hoo r leavn but in civvies celbr8n their rturn
home. I just saw som of thm in th lobby. Mayb its 2 much 2 xpekt bus loads of 2rsts in Šia-uliai. Litho
is small nough 4 thm 2 com 2 c th famous ‘hill of †s’ from Vilnius or Kaunas on a day trip … Evry1 Iv
talkd 2 in oz hoos cn it thinks th ‘hill of †s’ is a most 1drfl xperience & a 2rst must. It meant 0 2 me. So
many †s howvr ntric8ly karvd take away frm each othr & put me in mind of obsssiv bhav-iour. Id rathr
xamin a singl † in a quiet spot in th 4st of whch th country is full. Th hill has nationlst sig-nfkance 2
lithos as th soviets had bulldozed (thos hoo did it came 2 a bad nd Juozas says) th riginal †s but I find
th marriage of rligion x nationlsm or triblsm whch is much in vdence verywhr (flags r flown in chrchs
etc ) partiklarly repugnant. 2 diffrnt 4ms of suprstition hav a multplyer ffect whch eazly leads 2
mass lunacy. On th way back Juozas xplaind 2 me how 2 make gira or kvasa (kvass in rus-sian)
whch is sold in all th cafes here & I find 2 b a good ltrn@iv 2 beer. Wish I could get it in Melb. U soak
dried pieces of rye bread wth a bit of sugr & yeast & strain away th liquid & a day l8r its ready 2 drink.
I also tasted th small berry (SPANGUOLE) whch grows in swamps & is used 2 giv th flavour 2 the
Čepkeliu trauktine. (nip). Back in Šiauliai w walkd O th walls of th rm& centr whr th prznrs hav on-ly 2-
3 ‫ ڤ‬metrs / man 2 sleep in multpl bunks 1 bov th othr. Ther r only 3 rusty iron doors 2 of thm no biggr
than rdnary hous doors → wall & no sgn of life of any kind from nside (as u look ↑ @ tiny barrd
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wndows 2 rooms th@ r very hot in summr & not heatd in wintr) or O th perimetr. Any1 passn x would
think th place was ab&nd (l8r I went ↑ 14th floor of th hotel ← whr u get a full view of th yards & they
wer just as lifeless) awaiting dmolition. It d8s from tzarist times & in th Smetono period it was a hard
labour prizn. W → rght O th primtr wall & in a lane @ th start of → I saw 1 guy throw nothr ↓ gO wth a
head lock so hard I heard their heads smack th pavemnt 2gethr wth a sicknn thud. They both rolld
on2 their sides & lay like a pair of sleeprs pparntly knockd out cold. L8r I said 2 Juozas mayb w shou-
ld check if they had com 2 but he said it woznt worth it. Aftr her rrst b4 sh was sent 2 SIBERIA whr sh
died (11/8/04. but c ‘Vilnius (no 2) ‘!) this is th prizn in whch Juozo mum waitd 2 b sentnced & dportd.
Many hav died or bn murdrd in it. Iv dvelopd a routine I like in th evnn. I walk down th mall, x a meal
(whch Ill ccumpny wth a glass of giras 2day), l8r Ill drink ½ ltr of Kunigaikščiu, & finally walk home
wth a stubby of Kvietinis. Juozas would spend all day evry day wth me (2day he cookd šaltibarsčiai
& kaldūnai 4 lunch as Janė hoo doesnt want & probbly cant a4d 2 rtire was @ work; I knockd back
lunch @ his place 2morrow as I want 2 test out th eatries) but underst&s my dsire 2 hav time 2 myslf
& w greed 2 meet @ 1pm 2morrow … I hav no doubt Juozas is a persn of xeptional kalibr wthout th
slghtst nklin8n 2 b fluencd x poplr pinion. He says ther r mor valdininkai (burocr@s) now than in sov-
iet days & th rampnt krime (he gave som great xampls but I dont want 2 get sens8nl) w r seein did not
xist thn or prior 2 thn. Th rch wer only x 2 as rch as th vrage persn not x 10 whch is th case now. Ther
wasnt a klass of dspr8 peopl, prhaps 1/3 of th popl8n, thrown on th skrap heap hoo kan only survive x
crime (x th way th guys I said wer selln drugs wer selln kontrab& cigretts). Howvr he would not xchan-
ge th presnt freedms 4 th fairr mnagemnt of th soviet era bcoz hoo wants 2 b ruled x th russkies & he
hopes out of this mess (dont b foold x th vneer providd 4 2rsts in Kaunas, Vilnius, Nida etc.) a bettr
future will emerge but not in his lifetime. I askd him hoo killd th jews, a topik I dont normlly bring
up bcoz I sens its a no go ‫ ڤ‬or th@ set, poltkally korrekt rsponses will b givn. (eg 2 say as th
Šiauliai brochure did th@ somthn xists whn it so bviously doesnt is = 2 dnyin it was dstroyd ie dnyin
th evnt (11/8/04 th dskussion of th ssue x Alfonsas Eidintas in ‘Jews Lithuanians and the Holocaust’ is
outst&n)). He says th@ th strata of society whch is normly held in check but is x nature ready 2
pillage, plundr & murdr but do nothn of use wer mpowrd x th turmoil of th times. They had
their momnt. (the NKVD & th govnn bodies hoom most lithos (but Juozas did not make th point nor
has my mum) ccused of konsstn mainly of jwsh kollbor8rs & of bein th terrorg8rs had left @ th last
momnt). L8r th very same sluoksnys (strata) (hoo did th murdrn (no doubt calln thmslvs partizans wh-
ch is a holy word in litho)) wer put → positions of powr x th soviet regime (11/8/04. Juozas said). I su-
ppose th next ? (11/8/04. xtremely well nswrd x Eidintas) is what wer th mekaniks x whch th murdrs
wer legitmizd & specifklly drektd 2 murdr th nnocent. 1 sggstion x Juozas was they don it 2 steal their
possssions. I know furthr parts of th nswrs myslf (14/8/04. bcoz w r = w kan only xamn ← a dstan-
ce 4 th dffrnces (ie nvirnmntl, kultrl, & hstorik Ostances) & if w look from 2 close verythn bk-
ums nkomprhnsbl as w r xamnn ourslvs wth an eye whch kannot view itslf – close up ther r no
nswrs) but they nvolve a dtaild histry of th kind whch would bor most of my few readrs so I ntnd 2
leav it @ th@. Th day aftr 2morrow Im c@chng th 9am train 4 Vilnius (...a, …o,…e). Iv had a great
idea – 2morrow Im goin 2 get a small bottl of Čepkeliu trauktinė 4 th train trip so I kan akt like an
authntik litho. 2004 m birželio 8d (tuesday 8/6/04). 4got 2 mntion ystrdy th@ Juozas gave me 2
pieces of ambr & 2 littl romantcized piktures of th litho countryside as mmntoes. Th givn of mmntoes
is a rtual whch is 4eign 2 me & makes me feel wkwrd as Im not good @ prtndn pleasure. …Im leavn
3 ozzie tastes 4 th cleann ladies hoo check out my (th wind is howln outside) room in my bsence each
day. (m drinkn Kvietinis). 1st thing Juozas did whn w cght up wth each othr @ 1pm was 2 take me 2
th site of th jwsh cemtry (8/8/04. here (nxt page) is th ntry on Šiauliai I fotocopied 2day from th Cylc-
opaedia Judaica. I also nklude th ntry on Ukmergė bcoz I mntiond it in ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ (c p.6).
(12/8/04. Curiously ther is no rfrnce in it 2 th burnn live of peopl in th synagog an evnt I had learnt O
from th ntrduktry leaflt h&d out @ th Gaon National Jewish Museum in Vilnius whn I went ther (c ‘Vil-
nius → Melbourne’) 2 find out mor O th GREAT GAON of VILNIUS, ELIJA ben SHLOMO ZALMAN
(1720-1797). Also ther is no sggstion Ukmergė woz 70% jwsh (thgh th Eidintas book says som 6000
jews wer murdrd in a near x 4st x th Joachim Hamann Rollkommando in 4 sepr8 ‘aktionen’))). He
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rmmbrs it as it was & it features in many old fotos bcoz of its promnnt loc8n. All th@ is left is a pad-
dock whch would (u should hear th wind howln) hav bn built ovr if th soviet era had kontinued (a
sound ffx man could rkord this 4 a film O th north pole). He says all th jwsh cemtries in lithol& wer
dstroyd or llowd 2 b v&lized, as a rsult of a govt dcision whch was not made publik but known 2 b
made tacitly. Th stones wer used mainly 4 fencin or 4 pavemnts & w found only ½ doz left wth nread-
abl nscriptions xept 4 1 on whch w could make out th d8 1701-1965 whch w prsume r th d8s of the 1st

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& last burials. Th lokal hgh schools fence was made from th stones but th skool was shamed in2 rm-
ovn it aftr ndpndnce. Then he took me 2 th steps @ th nd of Aušros Alėja whr it turns → th Aušros
takas (path) whr they lead down 2 th park wth th skulptur of Saulės Berniukas & whr th rtainn walls
4 th steps r konstruktd ntirely from th brokn up head stones from th cemtry. Th bginn of th
rtainn wall is only a coupl of 00 yrds ← th kathedral. From ther w went 2 view th PROGOSLAVU
chrch but it was lockd. Th notice on th door says it only opns 4 th sundy service. Many of th russians
of Šiauliai r also gon & th graves of th russian dead (specially of th soldiers hoo died puttn down th
1863 uprising undr th brutal leadrshp of genrl Muravjov(as)) r dscr8d or nglektd. Ther is also a sektion
dvoted 2 th russian pilots hoo had opr8d from th Šiauliai miltry airfield whch playd a major role in th
2nd war. What used 2 b a PROGOSLAV chapl had bn burnt out (but th charrd rmains r still st&n) x SA-
TANISTS hoo hav a follwn here. Th mergence of this kult is probbly in mit8n of th west. W rvsitd th
main cemtry as I wantd 2 mmrize how 2 find th grave of PRANAS KABAILA. Outside th main wall is a
sektion of graves 4 pauprs & nothr 4 non-blievrs. A large headstone 4 a rvolutionry hero (hoo had
died in jail in Smetono times & was subsquently glorified) was dfaced wth graffiti. Then Juozas wantd
2 show me th grave of lithos most famous flospher from th Smetono days but 4 hoom a monmnt was
built only 2 years ago but it was gon. Many othr graves in th ‫ ٱ‬wer also damaged or dfaced also x
SATANISTS (8/8/04. my horoscope whch H read out 2 me from th sunday Age mag :” LEO July 24-
August 23. Award yourself a medal. You deserve one. You have been through a lot lately.
You may or may not feel that you have handled it well, but given the exceptionally trying
circumstances you have been up against, your progress has been truly remarkable. I
cannot, sadly, promise that all pressure will now vanish, but I will confidently predict a
significant reduction soon. A lot of things which have been difficult are about to become
less problematic. To hear how you can start to get a lot more of what you want, call 1900
957 223.”) he said. So ther seems 2 b a curious war in progress btween thos hoo r dstroyn th
past (mostly x nght) & thos who r tryin 2 protekt it (evn in th russian sektion an old womn was
weedn a plot) & 10d 2 th flowrs (mostly old womn x day). I wantd 2 walk O th prizn gain bcoz
Im ntrstd 2 nvstg8 what is near but made nvsibl. As if th rght h& doesnt know what th left h& is
doin. (eg as in what I suspekt (4 I c what I think is vidence of it) is th sekret domn8n ovr som
womn (or childrn) x fathrs in th privacy of th home – 9/6/04) So many lie ndrground (12/8/04.
but ccordn 2 th Eidintas book th rmainn bones hav bn rmovd 2 th Vilnius cemtry) in th jwsh cemtry
(its a large ‫ )ڤ‬nnoticed & 1000 live men r mmured in a red brick ‫= ڤ‬y nseen & silent (though
Juozas says somtimes u can c wavin rms thrgh th gr8s on th wndows in th top floor) & its rght
in th middl of th city. Aftrwds Juozas nsistd on kookin potato pankakes 4 us & I pigd out & w drank
giras & thn went 2 th kollege whr Janė is 2nd in charge & whr sh was proud 2 show off her office & th
facilties 4 th studnts & th library all of whch I found pitfully nadqu8 & mpovrshd. W went back 2 their
place & I went back 2 th hotl 2 get my last 3 pieces of writin 4 thm 2 send off 2 their dghtr in Talinn
esp as sh has studied flosophy & I may vsit it on this trip if I hav time whch I probbly wont. Juozas
says th old town of Talinn is evn bettr than th 1 in Vilnius. Thn I said good x telln thm I felt I had got
closr 2 lithol& in a few days spent in Šiauliai than in th 1½ weeks in Kaunas. Drank a ½ ltr of KUN-
IGAIKŠČIU with a few pieces of fried rye bread (in garlik) whch u can get in evry café (like th peanuts
in oz pubs) & came home wth a stubby of KVIETINIS (wheat beer). Got my passs from th safe & paid
300 Lt in cash coz they said their lektronik machine was playn up (no receipt). Bought me tickt 2 Vil-
nius this mornn & hav packd coz th train leavs @ 9 am. (nip) Ntnd 2 go 2 bed early aftr w@chn a bit
of telly wth a few nips of ČEPKELIU trauktinė coz Im fraid of sleepn thrgh if I stay up l8 though theyv
(no fone in th room) lent me an larum klock whch I dont trust 2 work. Its like a Melbourn wintr outside

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(9.30 pm). (nip) (nip) (nip) (u woz rght S&AdNrIeGwA u cant travl this country without nip, nip nip-
pn).

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