Wednesday 7/9/94. Got up at dawn – a very still morning.

The car was feeling a bit un-

steady on the way to Burra. Didn’t realize I was driving on a flat tyre – thought it was the gravel – till I
got on the sealed road just out of Burra. The tyre was completely shredded; lucky I hadn’t ruined the
rim. So long since the last time I had to change a wheel that at first I couldn’t find where the tools
were – took ages. Cost of new tyre - $110. Drove to Telowie Gorge near Port Germein and walked
through the gorge and back – took 4½ hours. Am writing this in Port Germein. Came here to phone
home again but will spend the night as this is a town with character – old, very quiet, very flat. There
is a pier here that’s over a kilometer long. The sun sets on the opposite side of the gulf to the town so
everything is bathed in light till nighfall. Will park next to the pier for the night. ¶ The place reminds me
of Port Albert. There is nothing glitzy or touristy about it. On one side is the gulf, and the backdrop to it
on the east are the Flinders Ranges. It has an ‘outback’ feel but I suspect is very comfortable to live
in. Port Pirie is not very far away. Tonight I will walk to the end of ‘the longest pier in the Southern He-
misphere’ – which I have discovered is 1560 meters long. Over 3 kilometers to the end and back. Th-
ursday 8/9/94. Heard all the roosters in town crow together in the middle of the night. How long since
I last heard that? Fishing boats have to be taken into the water by tractor over the very long distance
of tidal sand. The big tide is also the reason for the long jetty. Have not seen any new cars here – old
falcons are the norm. No plastic looking big-city type people either.

Tuesday 1/10/96. …. Port Germein is a couple of hundred kilometers south (27/5/05.

mor like 60) of where we were yesterday, near the head of the Spencer Gulf. The long pier is just
about all its got; its there because of the king tides that you get at the head of a narrowing gulf. It has
a special significance for this journal today as its only the second time Ive been here, the first time, if
my memory serves, was on another trip I did to the Flinders Ranges and is in the very first week of
entries I made in the journal. So, it was the beginning of quite an enterprise that with a bit of luck will
fill a few more exercise books before the kids throw it out with the other rubbish they inherit when we
die. Oh, yes, I had forgot – Port Germein has a great sunset: that & the pier & the peace of the place
is why we came here for the night. We ate tea at the start of the pier watching the setting sun and
then walked to the end & back (3ks) as it sank out of sight. There were two guys fishing at the end.
Then we went to the pub, a real family affair with only 4 or 5 people including kids at the bar, and had
a couple of drinks. Helen rang the boys again to tell them where to find blankets for the Blansjaars.
Then we walked the pier end to end & back again in the dark for good measure. Its curious how the
barking of the town dogs carries across the water right to the pier’s end. Wednesday 2/10/96. Ano-
ther thing I forgot about here – the roosters. They have a session in the middle of the night and then
another long before dawn. I wont try to describe the beauty of their song as I could never match Thor-
eau on the topic. The odd one can still be heard now, soon after sunrise (7am). They are going good
and proper again now. If you’ve grown up in the city without the music of roosters this is the place to
come to find out what its all about. Every morning should be announced like this. Last night H & I saw
what looked like a truck drive into the sea and head out west; we were on our nightime walk on the
pier. H really thought it was a truck and found it surreal. There is a vehicle here on stilt legs with wh-
eels at the bottom which takes boats out to sea on a trailer till there is enough depth to launch them. It
has a two-way radio so it can communicate with boats already out to pick them up. The other way of
launching a boat is to tow it out on a trailer by tractor. The tractor is then left in the water which beco-
mes dry land when the tide goes out. If a boat is towed out at low tide presumably the tractor has to
go back to shore. There is a crab season here and a yearly crab festival. After breakfast we were en-
gaged in conversation by an elderly local redneck who believed in whites being banned from breeding
with blacks. Then off to see Alligator Gorge in the Mt. Remarkable Nat. Park where we went via Melr-
ose, a particularly picturesque small ‘boutique’ town nestling at the foot of the ranges. We did a slow
walk through the gorge for about 4½ hours, slow because the stream was running pretty hard becau-
se of the recent rains. Back at Port G. (23/5/05. LfOrVaEnCkE (25/5/05 a noljbl frnchmn @ th CAFÉ
PATISSERIE in Errol st North Melb told me this mornn th@ th rue Saint Germain de prés in th quart-
ier ST.GERMAIN iz a sntr 4 lettres et arts & th chrch St Germain de prés iz th ldst in Paris) woz teln
1
me 2day th@ rue St. Germeine in a sberb of th same name iz of spshl sgnfkns 2 th riterz & rtsts of
Paris) we find that several aboriginal women have settled in near ‘our’ sleeping spot. They’ve got a
ghetto blaster with em, a small dog and a kid. The redneck had told us this morning that they are no
different to dogs anyway. I hope they are gone by bedtime or at least that they are not too noisy. Me-
antime I must be careful of our gear because if anything goes missing they are sure to get the blame.
The police station is only a couple of hundred yards away and our spot out of earshot of the half-cast-
es (these ones are properly black) is in view of the cop shop. I don’t want to be told by the police we
should be in the caravan park especially as if the half-castes try to sleep in the spot they are in theyd
probably get kicked out. Our intention tonight is to repeat our routine of last night: walk on the pier,
read the paper in the pub, another walk. Just before tea we found some mussel shells on the beach
that are over a foot long. There is a bloke with the half-castes – I can hear him sounding off, maybe
about the policewoman whom we saw yacking to them for about ½ an hour when we came back. Th-
ursday 3/10/96. When we came back from our first walk on the pier they were gone. Which solved
the problem of whether to drive the van to the pub 300 yards away or leave it by the pier. The night
was very balmy for our second walk and we saw two guys ‘walking’ their boat towards their tractor
closer inshore. In the middle of the night I heard some footfalls and other noises around the car but
didn’t see anyone; then for the rest of the night I heard voices intermittently which must have been
coming from the public shelter next to us (previously a train loading shed) or from the pier. Neverthel-
ess I slept well. At about 5.45am, still well before sunrise I heard a ‘hello’ outside the open window of
the van. It was an aboriginal teenage girl; I shook my head and with a ‘shut-eye’ gesture indicated
that I wanted to be left to sleep. But I was awake by then and later heard men’s voices too. There are
only 3 aboriginal families in the town and nevertheless the half-castes have managed to have some
impact on our lives. (14/5/05. Oh, god! Were we really that hideously, righteously WHITE
(28/5/05. th@s me (29/5/05. ‘pinko-grey’ iz mor kkur8 but)) and MIDDLECLASS (28/5/05. spot on)– I
have been ashamed to type that sanctimonious stuff – it demeans the writer and the
subject and shows just what bigoted bastards we were then . We may even still be,
though my embarrassment and discomfort while I was typing may indicate that years of
political correctness have had the desired effect. Th-at in itself is interesting – behaviour
modification through language control? Do I have to give governments credit for making
me aware of my baser behav-iour? My sincere apologies to those people at Port Germein
for my ignorance and lack of humanity. Helh&z) I suppose that this episode of black meeting
white is typical of the relationship between the races (14/5/05. You had better put in a few
interpolat-ions A…Z or your name is gunna be MUD!! (23/5/05. (31/5/05. my ritin n10dz 2 llow
vrius (& ppsit) ntrprt8shnz (a là Borges (c ’21/3/05 – 25/3/05’ p14) or Heraclitus?) & MY NAME kan b
ternd → wotsovr ny1 wishz) I m a prdukt of th same euro svlz8shn wich wile preechn how GOD iz
mrsfl & just dspozst th brjneez & dstroid thr kulture wthout dmitn gilt & wil dstroi orl uthr waiz of livn
whch do not kkomod8 thmslvz 2 th rkwiremnts of wstrn tknljkl st8s (26/5/05. Is that a fancy way
of saying its not your fault or responsibility? Helh&z (26/5/05. u just wont let me off th
hook!)))). Its very still out there this morning and the sun is warming up the car – time to get up. Bef-
ore we had a chance to start our pier walk the red-neck (14/5/05. How’s that – the pot call-ing
the kettle black) sprung us again; he told us that there is a saying in the north that you’re better off
masturbating than living with a gin; don’t know if it applies to women too. He has a way of seeing
things from just his own point of view. Otherwise he was full of very good info about the local-ity, I
think he had too sharp a mind for a small place like this and occupied it by knowing everyone el-se’s
business. He was a rather sad case because it was clear he would have liked to talk on forever, but I
was glad to get away from him & his little dog. After the pier we did a walk along the beach to co-llect
more of the giant mussel shells which are called razor fish. Many are poisoned with lead residue from
the Port Pirie smelter nearby. Then off towards Melbourne.

Wednesday 23/9/98. Morgan → Burra (coffee & to read the paper) → Spalding → Gul-
nare → Georgetown → Gladstone → Laura (where we talked to a shoemaker who makes coloured,
2
alladin, and other fancy ones) → Wirrabara (where a bakery makes fabulous pies & pasties) → Port
Germein. These are terrific towns unlike anything in Victoria and you can buy a great house in any of
them for $50,000. Inspecting towns is something both of us enjoy, and with a selection like this I think
its fair to say we had a great day. On arrival in Port Germein we discovered that the spot behind the
old rail shed at the top of the pier is closed off as public works are using it while they are mending the
pier, however we have found a beaut spot a couple of kilometres to the north past the no camping
sign and through the racing track. Helen is making some soup and we are right on the beach with a
view of the pier to the south. After a stop at the pub later we are coming back here for the night. Dur-
ing the day we decided we are heading for the Gawler Range, north of Port Augusta instead of the
Flinders Ranges. I’ve never been there – its exciting.

Tuesday 11/5/99. A very brief summary. I am in Port Germein. I had a tomato, an oran-
ge and an onion confiscated at the border. I found a parrot on the road and plucked its feathers for
Helen. It was a beautiful mulga parrot. I found a very interesting cemetry that Helen would love to see
and photographed it. That set me off : I’m fotographing things in decay. I think I have death on my
mind. But I ate another great hamburger (at Burra service station) and I did sleep well, if dreamfully,
last night. Tried to get through to Helen after a few beers at the pub, but there was no one at home at
7.30. The big surprise is that I have neighbours in the spot next to where I had earmarked for the ni-
ght. This is the same spot me and Helen stopped at on her birthday (23/5/05. c ‘Danyo Reserve’ p1)
last year when we were coming home from the Gawler Ranges. They are two very nice kids from Ap-
ollo Bay, going to the Flinders Ranges. I also can report that I am definitely getting onto an even keel
emotionally. There is nothing like the road to settle me down. My plans for Lake Gairdner might cha-
nge however as from the Danyo reserve through to here its bone dry. There was no rain recorded last
month in north west victoria and it looks much the same here. When H and I went to the Gawler Ran-
ges last year it was like a garden. I think it will be the opposite this time. I notice also that this is the
time of year for prickles.
Friday 21/5/99. Forcast was for rain on the weekend so I drove 500ks and am back in
Port Germein. Stopped for a shower in the BP service station in Port Augusta. I had not had a wash,
brush of teeth or change of any clothing item since I was last here. Felt good too till today. The kno-
wledge that I probably smelt did the trick. Took the final shots of the graffiti tanks I had fotographed on
12/5/99. That finishes it for the project : 7½ reels of film, one poem, 6 ‘meditiations’. Will go to the
pub later, ring Helen; am anxious to find out how Dan has gone in the new job. Time now to rewrite
one of the ‘meds’.

Tuesday 17/8/99. Drove out of the area exhilarated by the discovery. I’ll probably be
back in the vicinity before the trip is out and certainly with Helen in the last two weeks of september.
But I want to finish the tape (23/5/05. titld IMPOSSIBLE SPACES. Vaidas, hoo iz leevn 4 lithol& on th
weeknd, iz takin a kopi 2 giv → rEaIiMmOuNnTdAaSs az a prznt ← me) in the bucket dredge north of
Leigh Creek because of the acoustics there. Going there has been one of my main aims all along –
that’s why the recorder and instruments. Finished a film – shadow shots of me and shots of old stone
buildings. Before getting to Jamestown picked up a few feathers from a galah that had just been kno-
cked down. Rang Helen ‫یچ‬۵ ‫تشغקתעפفعغخحکگ‬. I told her I was going to use her poem (23/5/05. ‘Jo-seph
Epe Jamhambon’ (30/5/05. th name, varius pntagrams, & a pkchr of a ship r chizld ↓ rok on th 4-shr in
wot had bn th gOs of th Rozelle lun@k sylum)(c ‘13/8/01-25/8/01’ p12 (28/5/05. its a beautful 1 so I
rpeet it : In 1889 / Joseph EPE Jamhambon , / stranded on the shores of Bed-lam, / carved
himself a graceful ship of stone / and intricate stars / to navig-ate by, / and in his
spiralling mind / launched himself away from the iron cove / into the boundless sea //
pray for him / that he found a true course, / a clean wind / and a landfall somewhere that
he felt was home. (Part 5 of the Rozelle quintet, July/August 99))) on the tape. From there I
went onto Wirrabarra for the world’s greatest pies of which I had two, and also a cup of real plunger
coffee. The pie I recommend is steak and kidney. As I was eating I glanced at my feet and there were
3
neat little feathers lying ab-out. It turned out a bird had been killed there by a cat. Between Wirabarra
and Port Germein where I am for the night I came across a Boobook owl that had been killed this
morning. More feathers; wont know where to put them soon.
Sunday 29/8/99. I’m retracing my path. Closed the circle at Port Augusta where I had a
shower in the same service station as before. In the morning I started out with a really beaut stroll alo-
ng the shore of the dry Lake Finnis; then called in at Oakden Hill station to thank them and tell them
that I’d be mailing their letter in a few hours time. Now I’m at Port Germein which is like a home base
for me: walk out to the end of the pier; slow tea as I watch the sunset from the sheltered picnic tables;
pub; ring home only to find the phone engaged then try again after a beer at the pub. They’ve had pl-
enty of rain so I won’t have to tear about watering the garden when I’m back. The tax returns are ba-
ck, we owe them $2,500 between us. Joni’s bill came in. I got booked for speeding just as I thought -
$105. Michael had a good birthday at Stalactites with Helen. Kate visited Vi before leaving for Mexico.
Mum, Rasa, and Egle all rang on my birthday. Dan has two days of suit modelling work in September.
H says she’s been really busy and hasn’t noticed the time go.

Saturday 25/9/99. Well the sunset was a fizzer – not enough clouds to
colour up, and sunrise was also pretty ordinary, though it was nice to be still around to
see it, so I’m not complaining. After breakfast we had a pleasant walk in a large patch of
mallee and then headed off towards Wirrabara where the Old Bakery makes the best pies
Ive ever tasted (including my mums which were pretty good), via Whyte Yarcowie
(smaller than Terowie, but happier look-ing) and Jamestown (very civilized with a
comfortable-looking main street, and a creek through the middle). Consumed 2 pies at
Wirrabara accompanied by nice plunger coffee – very tasty and also heart-burn inducing,
as the pastry is deliciously flaky and the steak & kidney in big chunks in a thick gravy –
definitely cholesterol country. The baker has a big paunch and was walking with a stick –
hope his days arent numbered by consuming too many of his own freshly baked delights,
as, from a purely selfish point of view, his artistry would be sorely missed when we come
this way again. After the pig out, we went back the way we ‘d come (almost) to
investigate Appila Springs picnic area, Tarcow-ie, Boolooroo Centre and then on to
Melrose, through what must be some of the loveliest rural areas in SA – rolling hills with
long views of yellow canola, gree-n wheat & purple Salvation Jane (Pattersons Curse in
Victoria) which were beautiful to the eye and calming to the spirit. The land here is not
so alien to human occupation as the dry country beyond Goyders Line. Then on to Port
Ge-rmein through a ‘mini Flinders Ranges’ gorge with red rocks above, gums in the creek
bed, callitris pines on the sides. Port Germein feels so familiar, though Im sure I havent
been here more than about 4 times – its ‘sleepy hollow’ feel is very welcoming and
comfortable. The tide is out, so the ‘beach’ is hundreds of yards wide & the water quite a
long way away. The jetty will no doubt be our boulevarde this evening. Neither of us feels
hungry despite the fact that lunch was early – the pies are still with us. (21/5/05. Indeed
they are! The Magpies (bottom of the ladder) have just beaten West Coast Eagles (top of
the ladder) for only the 2nd win of the season). Sunday 26/9/99. Slept at a secluded
spot out of town (John’s usual) – a warm wind dropped sometime during the night so we
had to get up to put up the nets to stop the mozzies in broad moonlight. Aft-er breakfast
we did the jetty walk again – a sort of ceremony which most people do here – and came
upon 3 fishermen out at the end who had just caught 3 en-ormous schnapper, at least a
metre long and weighing about 20lbs each. We’d just read on the fisheries info board at
the beginning of the jetty that schnapp-er can be 30 years old, so those venerable fish
could easily have been as old as the fishermen who caught them. At least they were
‘real’ fishermen who ate what they caught (even the heads, as their mate uses them for
fish stew), but it was still unsettling to see such beauties dead. On the way to our next
spot, we came across a barn owl dead on the side of the road, in beautiful condition – its
4
neck was broken. It was wondrously soft and amazingly patterned – a lovely jewel of a
creature. So sad to see it dead. John took some feathers, but it left me sad & John too I
think ….

Tuesday 23/5/00. On the way home @ Port Germein. (14/5/05. I ddnt put in jrnl ntreez
frdi 12 – thrzdi 19th . Think I fnsht th poem ‘The House’ (c ‘Danyo Reserve’ p1) @ Port Germein on th
th

way thru @ th start of th trip :

The House

in the house of secrets

the walls are thick
there are shadows to hide in
a garden to cry in
*
in the house of secrets
only the master knows
that everyone knows the secret
*
a house of secrets is full of silences
full of echoes
everyone whispers
*
in the house of secrets there are many passageways
the walls have ears
*
in the house of secrets
only the master can see
into every room
*
the house of secrets is ruled by fear
*
public laughter – hidden tears
*
the night of the soul
*
in the house of secrets there is
only one master key
*
in the house of secrets
only the master knows
how many rooms
*
in the house of secrets
there is a room so hidden
even the owner cant find it
*
a divided house cannot stand

a …z art @ O). Just saw in

the sunset. Earlier at Port Augusta rang Helen at school and told her to expect me on Thursday. She
5
says ‫تشغקתעפفعغخح‬. At Port Augusta I tested out a Southwark Black Ale and a Southwark Dark St-out.
New discoveries & they are good. Earlier at Mt Ive station I dropped off the 4 poems to be hand-ed on
to Joan Andrews. Her husband is a nice bloke, easy to talk to. The spot I left in the morning where I’d
spent the last few days (60ks north of Mt Ive) is a national park & has fresh signs inside it to say so.
Even though they are not on the road these signs make a visitor secure in the knowledge that he is
not on private property. Very soon the word will get round to the 4x4 and the trail bike clubs and they’ll
go berserk here. Lake Gairdner is the easiest of the large salt lakes to get to once you know how and
I was told at Mt Ive (2/6/05. chainjd ownrz) the national parks don’t even forbid driving on its surface.
Soon there will be tyre marks everywhere, & litter. Apparently parks officers only come to the spot
about twice a year. Everything is getting destroyed by technology. Especially night things and things
that are hard to define, like beauty, space, silence. The barn owl is a metaphor for the destruc-tion of
the other world by man’s craving for the rational (31/5/05. rGaAiImToAnd thinks thr iz a need 2 find
good rguments 2 knvins sum ppl not 2 trchr – az if thei wood lisn. Th rguments of thoz hoo rgue 4
trchr r a sham.), the explainable and only what can be spotlighted. If the barn owl is any indication
many things will be destroyed before people are even aware of their existence let alone their destruc-
tion. Oh yes, this morning I woke up with ice on the roof of the car. Nonetheless I havent felt cold eve-
n though I am not using the grey blanket to put on the sleeping bag. It also occurred to me that Dan
rang Joe to get a loan from him & fair enough; that’s the price you pay for being a big earner. I’m goi-
ng to make a point of not finding out. Joe will learn.

Wednesday 9/8/00. (21/5/05. from trip notes titled ‘14/8/41’) Today must be very special, the ‘Saint
Companion’ lists four of them. St Cyriacus (martyr, ?-304) ministered to the 10,000 Christians condemned to
slave labour in building the baths of Diocletian in Rome. He was himself arrested, whipped and beheaded tog-
ether with Largus and Smaragdus, two of the other four listed for today. St Cyriacus is invoked against diabol-
ical possession on account of having delivered Diocletian’s daughter who was possessed of a devil. He also pro-
tects against diseases of the eyes. And the fourth is St Altmann (Bishop Confessor, ?-1091) who was a court-
chaplain to Henry II at Goslar, Westphalia and led 7000 Christians on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land where the
infidels succeeded in murdering a third of their number.
I skipped breakfast because I wanted to drive straight to Wirrabara to the bakery which Helen and me
agree makes the best pies in australia. There in between eating two steak and kidney pies and sipping plunger
coffee and eating the chocolate lolly that came with it I wrote the letter to Gabba and put in with it some feath-
ers from the rosella. Then came on to Port Germein where I am writing now. Earlier here I wrote a letter to Adr-
iana Cozzolini in the Arte-Postale mode (though she may not consider it such). Walked to the end of the pier. I
have bad news to report – they are installing metal railings along the sides of it. The job is only half done but I
can already tell that the very special atmosphere of this unique structure is gone. With the risk of falling over the
side removed it feels much like any other. Apparently its owned by the roads department who want to give it
away to the council who wont take it unless the railing is in place in case they get sued by someone who falls
over the edge. Money rules!
But why pretend, the fact is I’ve spent most of the day thinking about the implications of the events beg-
inning in the 3rd week of august in 1941 in lithuania, in particular the secret word of mouth order that must have
accompanied the written Secret Order No. 3 issued by Colonel Vytautas Reivytis head of the Lithuanian Police
Department under the germans. Who gave the word of mouth order? Did it go from Stahlecker to Jaeger to Joa-
chim Hamman to Vytautas Reivytis or did it go to Reivytis first and then to Hamman who after all was only a
lieutenant. Perhaps given the realities of occupation it was understood that in matters relating to the jews the lo-
wly lieutenant took command over the colonel. There is some support for that possibility in the existence of co-
rrespondence from the colonel to the lieutenant asking for clarification regarding procedures for carrying out the
written Secret Order No. 3 that had been sent to district police chiefs.
Its getting dark over the Spencer Gulf as I look out from the beach side shelter where I’m writing past
the pier in the direction the sun is setting obscured by cloud. Its very still and the temperature is dropping fast. A
couple of aboriginal kids have just cycled past. Its 6.45 pm. Am heading off to pick up a couple of stubbies in

6
the pub then will go on to my normal spot a few kilometres along the coast northwards. Its well hidden in scrub
right on the beach sand. Will continue writing in the car using my hikers head torch.
Would that word of mouth order have been given in a whisper? How do you order the murder of innoc-
ents? In the village of Butrimonys near the town of Alytus where the executions took place on the 9th of Septe-
mber there were only old men, women and children left as the bulk of the men had been taken away earlier and
were already dead without the remainder knowing what had happened to them. Before the 9th the pits for them
had already been dug and were waiting. Perhaps the order was inaudible and all that was needed was a ‘watch
my mouth’ gesture by Jaeger to Hamman. In that way responsibility could be denied, or shared between several.
That is the essence of the nod-and-wink conspiracy method which could have led right back to Hitler (23/5/05.
2day I sor ‘Downfall’ @ th Nova – vri Wagnerian) himself without him ever having to give a written or spo-
ken secret directive of any kind. Was even that necessary? Could it be that the written Secret Order No. 3 by
using the word “transport” when no transport was available or referred to already implied to the district police
chiefs that this order was different, that this time everyone was to be killed. There is a correspondence to Reiv-
ytis from at least one of the district chiefs naively asking for further information about the availability of rolling
stock and what provisions were to be made for food. Is this request the exception that proves the rule? If togeth-
er with an order to “transport” a separate order is given to dig pits (when the men had already been executed)
would that have in effect been interpreted by the district chiefs as meaning that everyone was to be killed? In
that case it is possible that no specific order to murder need have been given, not even in a whisper. Perhaps a
cooperation to do the unimaginable also involves a cooperation or a complicity to misuse the language so as to
communicate by implication or by what is not said. Is it possible that when we embark on the unimaginable, on
an action that involves the violation of the foundations underpinning human practice, we also at the same time
embark on new practices in the use of language, changes not to the meanings of words, but to the core rules un-
derlying their use? What comes first – the changes to the use of language or the new practices? Or does intent-
ion precede them both? It occurs to me that the fate of the jews of europe may have already been sealed before
the war when Hitler was threatening that if jewish bankers once again financed a war against germany that they
had no future in europe. In issuing those threats he may have been drawing on subterranean wells in the psyche
of germans and others which only he was able to penetrate sufficiently to articulate but which had long been
there. Is it possible that once all the pieces were in place the murder of the innocents was inevitable? That murd-
er was in the air – that no order needed to be given – that every whisper meant : kill.
Saturday 19/8/00. As I write the sun has risen over the Flinders ranges on my right. On the left is the
perfectly still water of the Spencer Gulf backed by a low range behind which it set yesterday. There is not a
cloud in the sky. I can hear the roar of trucks in the distance across the samphire plain amplified by the ranges
on the other side. Nearly every truck that leaves Victoria and South Australia for the Northern Territory, Perth
and the Eyre Peninsula has to travel this section of highway to Port Augusta to get around the Spencer Gulf wh-
ich juts like a knife, with Port Augusta at its tip, into the belly of australia. Its my birthday. Last year too I was
in the vicinity several hundred kilometres to the north near Leigh Creek on this day. I seem to remember I share
it with Bill Clinton. Yes, Bill, president of the U.S.of A. famous for his phone calls. He is also responsible for at
least two cocktails that can be bought in some café bars in Brunswick St. Melbourne – The Monica Lewinsky
and The Full Monica. It is claimed that as he was being monikered leaning back on the spring loaded swivel ch-
air at his desk in the oval office his hand was never out of reach of the red button that says : Press to End Time.
Happy Birthday Bill … from distant australia … pass on my regards to Hilary … life is good. I am pasting in
the second of the two extracts from my story ‘20/6/00’ that I have brought with me for the purpose, further evi-
dence that this story is coming to a close.
The murder of the jews of lithuania was initiated by the germans. It was supervised by a small group of
several hundred germans with the active support of thousands of enthusiastic lithuanians with the tacit compli-
city of the bulk (30/5/05. I have no wai of nowin wot frakshn gave tasit support) of the population and
significant sections of the educated classes many of whom were outstanding in their failure to raise objections
(though some did). The main cultural legacy of expatriate lithuanians like myself was to inherit the suppression
of the knowledge of the facts. This purposeful evasion or collective amnesia has been so effective that those of
my generation, even when born in lithuania and where both parents are of lithuanian origin, know nothing of
the facts I’ve just outlined. The expatriate communities were guilty and still are of being accessories after the
7
fact. They are guilty in the true sense of the word at a cultural level for they hid the evidence (like hiding the
body) and gave shelter (30/5/05. on rflkshn & wth th pasj of time in a koolr frame of mind I wood not uze
th term ‘gave shelter’ – ‘faild 2 kndm’ iz mor kkur8) to some of the perpetrators. By and large they still deny
both the guilt and sometimes that the events even happened. Sometimes they say the victims were at fault. There
is a move now in lithuania among historians to sheet the bulk of the blame for collaboration in the murders
onto (31/5/05. sum of) the 8.5 – 13 thousand members of the 20 police battalions. I see this as a convenient
exerci-se in scapegoating as they know very well that most (31/5/05. n ssumshn. Maib meny rmaind 2 fite
(& die-?) in th prtzn war → 50s (2/6/05. klaim of th soviet guvt of th time (2 maline it?))) of these men
ended up overseas (though without becoming members of the expatriate ‘communities’ I would think) where
their descen-dants also are. The men themselves are dead in most cases. I see a community to be an organic
whole with all its branches bearing some responsibility for its actions. The members of the battalions (2/6/05.
pplize =y 2 thoz (mjrti?) hoo wer not nvolvd in th merdrz) had wives, sisters, mothers and fathers who tried
or pretend-ed not to know. The wives etc. had friends to confide in. The educated classes collaborated in
teaching their children a history (31/5/05. I wil b ntrstd 2 c if th new flm ‘Vienui Vieni’ (Utterly Alone) O th
prtznz & Juozas Lukša (c ‘10/2/05 -18/2/05’ p14) makes n onst @mt 2 fase th ssue) that bore no
relationship to the events, and still doesnt. I see these so called ‘intellectuals’ who continue to distort or hide
the facts, even from themselves, as more blameworthy than the barely literate peasants who did the shooting
and who were surely insane (27/5/05. not a good word. Ppl r like chldrn – they do wot thr ldrz (farthrz)
(31/5/05. I look @ th fases of th prfsrz hoo dvk8 trchr wth dred & 1dr if thei rlize th kindz of 4ses thei r
givn xprshn 2 & helpn ljtmize & nleesh. (1/6/05. it iz betr 2 b ded than 2 trchr or kndone it)) tel
em.(28/5/05. makes mor sens 2 tork of nsane : svlz8shn, sosieti, u-rop, kulchr, timez)) . For me its time
to leave what took place 60 years ago behind. To continue is to risk being haunted.
The chain of events that led here began when I read the book ‘Hidden History of the Kovno Ghetto’ put
out by the holocaust museum in Washington. The period described corresponds exactly with the first three years
of my life in Kaunas (Kovno in russian). The ghetto was sealed in the week of my birth. This is the period cove-
red in the second chapter of my mothers book prior to our flight from the country ahead of the advancing russ-
ian army. The ghetto is barely mentioned in the book, my mother was busy looking after me, surviving the con-
sequences of the war and occupation and being pregnant with and then looking after my sister Rasa who was
not healthy. My shock came from the different perspectives that these two accounts revealed. I was dismayed by
the realization that they took place right next to each other. Being a habitual traveller and being alive to how the
surroundings resonate in the body I cannot conceive that the horrific and heroic tragedy of the Kaunas ghet-to
nearby did not stain my early years. Perhaps that accounts for the ghosts that I hope I may have finally laid to
rest by undertaking this journey. The next book I read soon after was ‘Last Walk in Naryshkin Park’ by Rose
Zwi, a Melbourne author. It is an account of her investigation and reaction to the massacre of the jews, which
included forbears of hers, in the town of Zagare in northern lithuania. These three books were the first links in
the chain that I am finally closing (31/5/05. hmmm! (1/6/05. iz it psbl & wil I b llowed 2?)). In her book
Rose Zwi accuses lithuanians, and people of lithuanian background overseas, of deliberate cultural amnesia. I
accepted the challenge and found to my amazement that she was perfectly correct. My perplexity was height-
ened by the fact that I had done a major in history (with a first place) ever so long ago at Melbourne uni and
have always been interested in theorizing about what history is. As I close this chapter I want to say that I’ve
been confirmed in my distrust of tribalism based on race or national boundaries. Whether it be jewish, german,
lithuanian, aussie, or aboriginal its on the nose. Its a refuge for humbugs and scoundrels. Koori politicians rou-
tinely come up with nonsense that is an insult to the intelligence of school children. Friends of mine of lithuan-
ian background are happy to draw on a fanciful history of comic book standard which is no more than an exer-
cise in self-congratulation. Others use their background to winkle grants out of arts bodies which are forever
toadying to the multi-cultural lobby. All those colourful costumes various groups rig themselves out in at sub-
urban festivals are a nonsensical expression of 19th century Herderism (with an exception for somalis, indians
etc.). Tribalism enables members to tell wopping lies about themselves and others and then believe in them
because they get confirmed by others of their own tribe. Governments always take possession of the tribal ins-
tinct to increase the powers of the state and to suppress dissident individuals. The symbols, be they tricolors
stars or eagles, which tribes use to identify and simplify themselves, are ugly. Their value in solidifying identity
8
within the group is far less than the divisiveness they are responsible for between groups. Members of tribes
hide their mediocrity from public gaze behind such symbols, their ordinariness behind the achievements of oth-
ers. They adopt mindless ways of behaving because they are handed down to them by tribal authorities. Person-
ally I feel no loyalty to some kind of mythical lithuanian heritage. Respect for my parents who did a good job
rearing me will suffice; and for my grandparents about whom I know enough to know that they were good peo-
ple. Nor do I feel any loyalty for australians or australia. My loyalty is to good people everywhere regardless,
like the people I’ve met over the last couple of weeks. Because I travel a lot (never overseas) all my favourite
places are in australia and I grieve to see the damage that is being caused by the motor car, by unplanned sub-
division, by the indiscriminate clearing of marginal scrub, by the tourist industry. I’ll be glad to be away (per-
haps in outback N.S.W. with Helen) from t.v., newspapers and Melbourne during the olympic games and that
whole nauseating spectacle of hype, flag waving, playing of national anthems and the tallying up of medals.
Tribalism is not responsible for the wide range of human behaviour as its supporters claim. Human custom is
always diverse but not in the superficial way of colourful costumes. On the contrary the tribal instinct causes
members to close their minds to the complexity and varieties of human experience. I could go on and on – there
is no limit to the humbuggery that finds shelter under the tribal umbrella.
After that I went for a walk along the shore. That was at the Winninowie (21/5/05. this • iz O 30ks n-
rth of Port Germein so I nkluded it wth th Port Germein ntreez) reserve whose purpose is to conserve man-
grove and the seagrass environment at the top of the gulf because of its importance for spawning fish and crabs
……

Monday 9/4/01. (21/5/05 from ‘7/4/01 – 18/4/01’) 8.30 am. A few more memories of the convent. The love of the nuns for
the singing priest hung in the large expanse of air above the pews like a vapour; its intensity made the plaster & brick walls resonate
with a faint hum; & it even penetrated them to warp the space outside where I stood high up peering in through a small window in the
top back wall of the chapel. I feel a trace of it to this day. Another memory is of a very beautiful young nun who seemed out of place
in the sombre, hushed setting of the convent but it was hinted that she was exceptionally devout, even a bit holy, perhaps a future can-
didate for sainthood. My guess is that she will have left the convent soon afterwards for I detected, in the direct way that children do,
an illicit glow about her. I now suppose that many of the nuns were in love with her & that some loved her. Another memory is of my
2nd piano teacher, the cranky one. When I would absentmindedly rest my hands in my lap she would roughly snatch them out admon-
ishing me for being rude. Curiously it is the first time Ive dredged out that memory now that its meaning has become apparent. At the
time it was no more than another example of her tetchiness. On this note I introduce the saints for the day : St Mary of Cleophas (1st
century). This Mary was the wife of Cleophas (Alphaeus) who, according to Hegesippus, was a brother of St. Joseph (the spouse of
our Lady) – which would make St. Mary Cleophas a sister-in-law of the Blessed Virgin. The Bible tells us that she was the mother of
the Apostle St. James the Less, and that she was one of the “three Marys” who followed our Lord from Galilee and stood at the foot of
the Cross. And St. Acacius (Bishop Confessor 5th cent.) He was the Bishop of Amida in Mesopotamia at a time when the Romans were
warring against the Persians there. The lot of 7,000 Persian prisoners so touched the sympathies of St. Acacius that he had the
Church’s sacred vessels melted down and sold for their ransom – an act which so greatly impressed the Persian king Bahram V, that he
is said to have stopped the persecution of his Christian subjects. Reflection : “A new commandment I give you, that you love one
another : that as I have loved you, you also love one another. By this will men know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one
another.” (John 13, 34-35) …. 4.30 pm. I wanted to take a photo of the Wildongolichee Hotel at Hallet & of a ‘Danger’ sign rid-dled
with bullets near here but my camera is on the blink – one less thing to carry in the day pack on walks. I am at Port Germein. Rang
home & talked to ‫چکیگسكءأ‬٦ ‫ثجدرشطغئبع‬. Helen was out & I said Id ring her at 5.30. Earlier at Wirrabara I had a couple of pies & a
coffee at the best bakery in the country according to me and H. Wrote a letter to Kate of Eaglemont to explain how my run in with
Aust. Post provided a basis for my paranoia on my wild 3 day trip in sept./oct. last year. She gets all my handouts but I dont get a
chance to explain anything as we only exchange a few words between customers at the newsagency. I hope Ben gets a chance to travel
the countryside some day as I do. There is something very reassuring about the bush. The sun rises every morning greeted by the birds
you expect in that locality. At ‘Worlds End’ its magpies followed by crows. You go to bed at sunset. If it rains you can’t do much oth-
er that read a book or write. Pubs are out for me : after developing a large pain in the side (27/5/05. ritbl bowl sndrome kkordn 2 W-
jAoLhLn) at the start of the month Ive cut right back on alcohol. At night in bed I look out at the stars through the window of the van.
Monday 16/4/01. … 3.15. I’m back at Port Germein, on the way home. Earlier at Port Augusta I checked my message bank.
There were two long reports from Kate both left yesterday evening within a couple of hours of each other. They were mainly about the
continuing crisis at home & had the effect of preparing me for the domestic realities. She seems to think that when I’m on my travels I
spend my walks thinking about what is going on there. The opposite is the case. At home I’m too intensely involved with problems
that can’t be solved but when I’m away I leave them behind completely because I’m overcome by the surroundings. Shes shifted into
a house she shares with a girlfriend near Lygon St. She says that when shes in permanent full time employment which she thinks is
soon she & Joe will buy a block of land at some place like Daylsford. Am looking forward to catching up with her. Then rang Helen
who sounded considerably calmer than Kate. Shes repainted the bedroom from the black which I used to find very peaceful as it didnt
glow in the dark the way white walls do. I didnt dare ask what colour but she reckons it looks good. I hope its good for our love life.
…I had to leave this morning even though I still have a full weeks supply of food because I had arranged with the MacTaggarts that if
9
I overstayed the week they would come searching. Didnt want Jamie to do a round trip of over 70ks tomorrow to check on me. Met
his wife on the way out & talked to her as she sat in the ute with a sheepdog in the back. She was heading off to meet him at a stock
watering point. When he is away contracting she lives with her folks in Port Augusta & works full time nursing but when hes home
shes here too. Because she is a casual she strings together several days of work at a time & is back at Oakden Hills (24/5/05. haz
chainjd ownrz) in the intervals. I forgot to ask her name. I said I’d be back to take further advantage of their generosity in a better
year. On the way out I noticed that two rows of cypresses opposite the main homestead & a couple of single ones in the yard have be-
en trimmed into the shapes of cubes.

Wednesday 15/8/01 (21/5/05. from ‘13/8/01 – 25/8/01’) …. Got to Port Germein at 6.00. The foreshore street was
lit up by the sunset while the southern sky is dark with clouds. Faced the back of the van into the setting sun for dinner. In the end I’m
glad the electrical work got done. I was very impressed with the guy doing it. It cost $145 & he gives a years warranty. He said he
couldnt find what was wrong so he checked & renewed everything he could. He says he doesnt get his jobs come back. He suggested I
might have tried to start it while it was still rolling after I stalled it. Something can jam & to unjam it you put it into 4th gear & rock the
car. I like to think that it happened so he got the opportunity to thoroughly check the electrics before I got into station country. Had a
pot of beer in the pub so as to watch the weather on the news. Its not a good outlook at all. I might be forced to drive along the Eyre
Peninsula so as to stick to a sealed road which would take me into bigger rain in the south. Picked up a couple of stubbies before ring-
ing H. Ben answered the phone. Hes liking the driving lessons. Helen got her pay increment that she thought she wouldnt. Dan was in
a fashion spread in the weekend issue of the Herald Sun. He hadnt told her & if she hadnt come across it by chance she would have
missed it. Time to turn out the lights & crack a stubby of Coopers. Not looking to bed tonight as its pretty warm & my new sleeping
bag is much too hot. I will have to get another lightweight one when I get back before we go off on H’s holidays.
Thursday 16/8/01. 11.30am. I’ve propped in Port Germein. The change still hasnt arrived. I wouldnt be feeling good driving
west (drinking a stubby bought at Iron Knob) into the Gawler Ranges with a big northeasterly behind me into a threatening band of
cloud on the horizon. Its very comfortable here. I’m in the historic railway shed at the end of the pier on the corner of Esplanade &
High st.. Not sure where the time has gone, I seem to hardly have done anything. Read the paper, walked to the end of the pier. As I
leant forward sitting on the toilet across the road from the shed I was looking at the initials AZ carved on the back of the door in front
of my nose. So … there are others. The shed gives terrific protection from the wind whichever side it blows from. I slept in my usual
spot on the beach a couple of ks to the north.
Might as well launch into the big topic, the one I’ve been talking about to myself for weeks. It started when Frank Lovece ran
off chapters 11 & 12 from a book called ‘Potentialities’ by Giorgio Agamben for me to read. It led me to buy two books of essays by
Heidegger (24/5/05. ystrdi Frank gave me sum mor nfo on him from an ntrvew wth Ernesto Grassi on tu-
sedi 24 novmbr 1987 in Naples (31/5/05. our port of dprchr wen w kame 2 ozil& from a DP kamp in
1949.I woz 9.) titld ‘Memories of Husserl & Heidegger’. Th tranzl8shn from talian iz x Frank so maib
its a 1st in nglsh: “ ERNESTO GRASSI – MEETING MARTIN HEIDEGGER ¶ The year 1929 is the
year Hei-degger came to Freiburg, and I remember the tutorial on Book Gamma of
Aristotles “Metaphysics” and the incred-ible talent (capacitá) of this man, Heidegger, of
his pedagogical activity. I’d say that as a teacher his particular gift (capacitá) was his
dedication to ermeneia (hermeneutics), to the interpretation of the text, therefore the
importance of his tutorials, even more so than his lectures. ¶ One time I went to see him
in the evening and asked “How are you?” I still remember : it was in the Rotenburgweg
just outside of Frieburg, close to the Black Forest, a great stor-m was brewing and I asked
“Master, how are you?’ and he replied “Bad”. I said “Why? Because of your problems
with National Socialism? Look, I don’t think its so important” – “No, no, because I’m
forced to quit my commis-sion for the edition of Nietzsche’s works.” I said
“Congratulations. Others have had to resign from the project, Wa-lter Friedrich Otto, Karl
Reinhart – both of whom I’d worked with and also put out a series of publications – I con-
gratulate you.” His reply was very odd “No, things arent that simple,” and I asked “why?”
He : “Because I’ve work-ed on it and sketched a re-arrangement of the order of “The Will
To Power” different from the way Nietzsche’s sis-ter has it, and this morning I burnt it.”
“But what on earth - I asked – why?” “Ich habe mich gerächt an der Nacht-welt”. “I took
my revenge on posterity.” If I hadnt heard it myself I would never have believed that sort
of remark. ¶ Yet another example of Heideggers peculiar character, even more so in his
manner – which was one of the reas-ons I distanced myself from him – towards the Jews,
but especially towards a Jew who was his most intimate friend, Walter Willi Szilagyi, a
Hungarian, of whom Heidegger had said, at our first meetings, “He’s the only one who
truly knows me and really understands my ideas.” Later Willi Szilagyi would be the first
10
person to hold Heideggers Chair when Heidegger was forbidden to teach. ¶ This
abandoning of a man who had dedicated himself to him completely, just like that, from
one day to another, based on the politics of the day, truly astounds me. ¶ Willi Szilagyi
was extra-ordinary : he emigrated from country to country, and in Switzerland we
published a collection, including a piece by Heidegger, his letter to Humanism, with a
publisher in Berne. It’s incredible to see how Heidegger was capable of cutting such an
important human tie (relationship). And yet Willi Szilagyi, unlike Löwith and unlike
Adorno, never got involved with the polemic against Heidegger. A polemic which took on
great importance over the following years.” Frank points out th@ this bein n ntrvew he rtainz th
vrbl p@rnz rathr than knvrt → txchl grmmr.) : ‘Poetry, Language, Thought’ & ‘The Question Concerning Technology’
which I’ve since given to Frank to keep having read only the essay on Nietzsche & half of ‘The Question …’ Perhaps they were meant
for Frank from the start. The chapters by Agamben are a discussion of Heideggers notion of facticity & together with the tiny amount
that I’ve now read by Heidegger himself (his combined works in english are going to run to 100 volumes) & some other commentary
on his thought by his translators they helped convince me that I’ve finished with philosophers. Exactly how I’m not sure, especially as
Heidegger broaches the same topics as I do. Perhaps its to do with his use of the capital when he writes the word Being. You have to
make your mind up on these things early otherwise, especially in his case, you commit yourself to a lot of reading. More about the
capital B later. Now I want to quote from the 1st page of ch. 13 of Agambens book which I read only because it happened to be on the
back of the end of the 12th. (Its the Aby Warburg method who says first you go to the relevant section, locate the book youve been
looking for, but pick the one next to it). Agamben is quoting from the second chapter of the talmudic treatise Hagigah (literally
“Offering”) which considers those matters it is permitted to study & those that must not in any case become objects of investigation.
The Mishnah with which the chapter opens reads as follows :
“Forbidden relationships must not be explained in the presence of three (people); the work of creation must not be explained
in the presence of two (people); the Chariot (merkebah, the chariot of Ezekiel’s vision, which is the symbol of mystical knowledge)
must not be explained in the presence of one, unless he is a sage who already knows it on his own. It is better never to be born than to
be someone who investigates into the four things. The four things are : what is above; what is below; what is first; and what is after
(that is, the object of mystical knowledge, but also metaphysical knowledge, which claims to study the supernatural origin of things.)”
The bracketed comments in the quotation are Agambens. I sense that Heidegger breaches the above injunction & guess that
Agambens purpose in the rest of the chapter will be to show that he doesnt or is justified in doing it. I want to explain why the injunc-
tion must not be disobeyed. My struggle in recent weeks has been to come to a decision whether or not I am already violating it by
making the explanation. It is only now that I am convinced that I do not that I give it. The wind has turned cold & is blowing a gale
from the southwest. I’ve shifted into the lounge of the Port Germein Hotel where I make the comments with the aid of a stubby of Co-
opers Sparkling Ale held in a holder made from silvered cardboard supplied by Nasco Broadacre Spraying Service (ACSASA) PH :
0886672371 MOB : 0427 672 371.
It must be understood from the outset that every word we use (even the most abstract eg. human nature etc.) is a set of inst-
ructions for actions to be performed. Plain simple actions performed by the hands, feet, eyes, mouths of people. Its by agreeing from
the outset which actions a word represents that we learn it. The same word can represent different actions in different groups depen-
ding on how it was learnt. The great power of science resides in an agreement by everyone how to use words in minute exactness. By
rearranging very precisely we can build wonderful structures to amuse ourselves with or serve our needs. In this I think Heidegger is
right : science is an extension of technology not the other way round. For a fuller commentary on how words work see my story ‘14-
/8/41’. The written, spoken, imagined words, the codes stored in the neural structures are only the algorithms for the complex actions
they represent. There is a tendency to think of words as having ghostly partners called meanings. Its easy to confuse the algorithm in
our imagination with what it stands for especially as algorithms can refer to other algorithms & so on. Nevertheless all words can be
pared down to the action they represent. That is their meaning & its as solid as sticks & stones. To find out the meaning of a word you
dont have to look for some ghostly double behind it – simply look at its usage. The usage is the meaning. If you want to be a scientist
remember that the usage consists of many precise moves & busy arrangements (too many to be remembered so they have to be listed
in books) so be prepared to put your glasses on & devote the rest of your life to it. In literature, poetry & particularly religion its much
easier – the moves are bigger. (I’ve bought a 2nd stubby at $4.80 each. There has been no beer on tap as the power has been out. Now
even the power for the lights has gone so I have to shift next to the window. Outside it is raining. There are two guys at the bar : a you-
ng koori who is also drinking a stubby & an old codger drinking port from a beer glass. He recommends it at $2.10).
To answer the question why it is that we must not study (or investigate, or explain, or describe, or examine) mystical knowl-
edge we have to consider what it is that we do when we study – the action of the word. If you study something you put it in the palm
of your hand, knit your brows, & stare at it. Maybe you have to put on your glasses. Or even use a microscope or an electron micros-
cope. Or if its something big you break a piece off & if its a rock you might crush it up to see what kind of powder it makes & if it
tastes salty. Or you divide it into sections & do a sampling exercise on each & record the results in a book for future reference. Or if
youre explaining it you take it apart & then reassemble it. Or you take it apart & show how it can be assembled differently. If its to a
child you do it very slowly, over & over while holding the kids hand. Or if you find it on the ground you get a stick & spread it out &
count the pips. Or if you examine you ask questions for the required answers. When you study something you always (there are no
exceptions) put it into a subordinate relationship to yourself. (3/9/01. When we get around to cloning people we will be placing them
in a subordinate relationship to us too). (4/9/01. I am the result of a chance channelling of parental genes but if I was a clone & was

11
overwhelmed by lifes misfortunes I would know who to pay back for their calm calculation). You push it far enough from your face to
focus properly. You are the observer, the active party. What you study is passive, it can be taken apart. If it were the case that we are a
single creature (that individual people are analogous to the cells of the creature humanity (see story ‘13/2/01 – 26/2/01’)) & if the mys-
tical knowledge being referred to in the Hagigah is knowledge of it then it is obvious that we cannot study it. We can never bring that
of which we are only a part into the required relationship. The seeing eye cannot see itself. It may be, friends, that some of you havent
noticed that we are part of a single creature & so the issue doesnt arise for you. But I know.
($4.80 for a stubby of Coopers to drink in the pub & $2.30 to take away ie. $2.50 for the privilege of drinking it here = $5.00
extra to write it here than it would have been if I’d stayed in the shed) (6.30 Helen, youll be interested to know that I got the mozzie
nets up all by myself in a howling gale – but it took 10 minutes). (For the general reader : even in these conditions the inside of the car
heats up from body heat & if the wind drops overnight the mozzies zoom in guided by infra-red radar) (I love going to bed when the
van is being rocked by the wind.)
Friday 17/8/01. 7.50. Staying here. It didnt rain much yesterday & I’d be surprised if theres been enough to settle the dust out
west but its bloody cold, windy & cloudy so I might as well sit in the car writing. As you would expect from someone whos written
over 100 volumes (how did he and Hannah find time to do it?) Heidegger would have us believe that language is our special compact
with being with a capital B. The bible seems to give support when it claims that the word with a capital W started it all. I dont know if
Heidegger draws on it. If it were so then those who dance, or labour in the fields, or carry heavy burdens, or are deaf & dumb, or are
less articulate, or stutter, or are insane, & all of those who suffer in silence would be relegated to lesser roles in the grand design. &
Heidegger did indeed see the world divided into a small inspired elite of which he was an honorary member (Hannah Arendt must
have bought all this for awhile) & the rest just making up the numbers. In this he was like Nietzsche. I suggest that what we can cert-
ainly say about language is that it is responsible for science, literature & religion. Increasingly, also, it is needed to regulate an over-
populated & over exploited globe as institutions can communicate no other way. Hence it is the route to money & power. Its with the
above qualifications that I encumber my own efforts to write. I continue on.
If I were to fully answer the question who am I I would have to write down my DNA sequence, list the books I’ve read, the
friends I’ve talked to & what we said, the things I’ve written, describe the swamps I’ve waded, rivers I’ve swum, the roads I’ve driven
… and it goes on & on (you might get a better idea just from seeing me because its all got written into the lines on my face – hence the
photo on the cover). I would have to tell you the things I’ve imagined & all the things I’ve forgotten. Its an awkward picture. It would
fill more books than you can fit in a library (unless it were Borges’ infinite one) & its still going on. To the state I am simply known by
my surname & two first names (though it has quite a bit of info in data banks of various agencies & especially in a central one in
Canberra). The name the state knows me by says hardly anything about me but its purpose is to allow it to locate me so as to be able to
punish me if I dont pay my taxes or if I betray its secrets. In the future when we have chips implanted in us at birth it will no longer
require us to register names. Be patient, I’m getting around to making a comment on Heideggers being with a capital B. If I were to
describe the large animal (creature) humanity that I am a part of I would have to get each member to give a similar list (unending) that
I give. All the roads everyones travelled. Even Borges’ library might not fit it. But if it did it still would not be an adequate description
because its all in bits & the whole is different & greater (unimaginably greater) than the sum of the parts. But Heidegger believes that
he can put a label to the essence (a word he uses a lot) not just of the human animal but to all things – the entirety. Then he spends a
hundred books explaining how the algorithm works. Its an ambitious project.
What is he doing when he uses the capital (capita : head in latin) & is it fair for me to comment on it without having read him
? (a guy just drove out of the local caravan park in a van the size of a bus pulling a trailer with a shiny city type 4x4 on it; a steady str-
eam of tourists, Brits on Wheels etc. come through sometimes doing the rounds of a block or two; I dont think there is much here for
them).
Language is a sharing (coordination, synchronization) of actions. It has to be a sharing because it cant be learnt otherwise.
Thats why a private language is not possible. It may be Heidegger gives explanations (in terms of shared meanings) for an unusual use
of the capital but if that were the case he would not need to use it as the reader would have to have read the explanation in the first
place & that would make it redundant (esp. in Heideggers case as you would have to read a lot). When we make use of conventions in
language we are often unaware of what we are doing. They are learnt from childhood & taught to us by the previous generation who
learnt them from theirs. Conventions are actions (practices) that were learnt so long ago that we perform them on automatic. They are
a physical memory (in the things we do), as is language itself, & only their abandonment is a forgetting. So what do we do when we
use a capital? The most important thing is that we particularize. We locate it in space in relation to other things. Expect to see a capital
letter at the start of a sentence. We write the names of capital cities in upper case so when we instruct the cruise missile all we have to
do is type it in & it can retrieve the exact coordinates from its data bank. The state has my name on file as I’ve already explained to be
able to assert its power over me if necessary. We name things so we can hold them in the palm of our hand to gloat over, to own, to
buy & sell. You cannot trade in things that dont have names. To sum up, when he writes being with a capital B Heidegger is attempt-
ing to commodify it. By naming it he asserts an ownership for which he is the broker (the price of access being the reading of his boo-
ks; he gains membership of a group called philosophers; he is paid by the uni.) & in his case he nominates an extremely high value :
for another use of naming it is to be able to place it in a list or hierarchy. In a list where all the others are in a lower key the capitalized
one is placed at the top. I dont buy it – my job is to cut if off. To find gods secret name is to gain power over him. When you are on
first name terms with him you can converse with him. I think it would be pretty scary. I am inclined to write the word god with a small
g & look for him among (or reflected in) the myriad lower case inhabitants of a strangely beautiful world. Tomorrow I’m heading for
Lake Gairdner.

12
 Tuesday 30/10/01 (21/5/05. from ‘22/10/01 – 2/11/01’).… Port Germein (3.00). Finally got through to H at work.
Rang her from Burra. Neither Ben nor Dan had bothered telling her that I had rung yesterday & the day before though I asked them to.
Shes fine. Went out with Kate last night who is applying for a job in east timor though she has already applied to enrol for a dip. ed.
course. Rang my mum who didnt sound as bad as Egle had made out. At Wirrabara I paid $14 for 2 pies, a jug of plunger coffee, & a
fruit juice. I think they are getting too pricy. Down here by the foreshore (picnic table under shelter on the esplanade) its like it always
is : the peace is overpowering. A jittery person couldnt exist in a place like this. In the bright air & still conditions the gulls are sound-
ing particularly shrill. Wednesday 31/10/01. 8.15am. Port Germein. To assign meaning to something is to put it into a context. If som-
eone then asks us what does it mean we dont talk about it but about the things around it, what usually is there, what comes before &
after, the order of things. Assigning meaning is a fundamental human attribute. Its a gathering together of a set of events that we are
going to treat as a group – thats the action of the word. Lets suppose I went to Paris to write my next piece & booked into a seedy ho-
tel on the left bank for the duration then when I got back to Melbourne, after posting a copy to my mum in Sydney, I got an excited
phone call from her saying do you realize that the room you were in was the very same room I was in when I was studying at the
Sorb-onne before the 2nd world war. Extraordinary. What could it mean? In ‘The Book of Memory’ Paul Auster gives a whole series of
sim-ilar examples that happened to him. & he tries to answer the question, unsuccessfully I would say. ‘The Book of Memory’ can be
read as a meditation on it. But perhaps the answer cannot be given as an exercise in assigning meanings but only by the way you lead
your life afterwards. Maybe Paul Austers answer is his life as a writer preoccupied with depicting, if ‘The Music of Chance’ is an
example, the vagaries of destiny or blind chance. Maybe there are events in our lives to which meaning cannot be assigned (or
conversely, to assign meaning would be to deny them), which if they are to be read as signs can only be answered by the conduct of
our lives. I have had my share of the extraordinary & Ive given an account of some of it in the pieces that I distribute. I hope that my
discerning readers see my writing for what it is intended to be – a tribute to that which cannot be explained….

Wednesday 17/4/02 (21/5/05. from ‘15/4/02 – 26/4/02’) …6.00pm. I am at Port Germein at a table overlooking the
beach & pier. The pier is 1½ ks long & was once the longest in australia according to the info board. When you walk out to the end
you can hear the crowing of roosters back in the town. Sound carries well over water. Ive spent the bulk of a hot day mucking about in
Port Pirie which has little to recommend it except youve got to go there for services. I walked up & down the main st enough times for
people to be saying hullo to me. First I went to the Nissan dealer who suggested I get a new key cut to see if the sharper edge fixed the
problem. That cost $5 & didnt work. The locksmith sent me back to the dealer. To order a barrel in from Melbourne would have taken
till next week if one was available. It would have cost hundreds of dollars. Then I went to the R.A.A. garage & after much toing & fr-
oing we located two second hand ones at a wreckers. One had a key but would have been hard to attach to the van as it was a different
model, the other was OK but had no key. Thats the one we got & took it back to the same locksmith to disassemble so as to cut a key
for it. All this took over 5 hours & cost $105. Later I realized that all I had needed to get done was to get the R.A.A. people to break
the locking mechanism as Im getting rid of the van after the trip. No-one had thought to suggest it. Anyway I am here at what I cons-
ider to be home territory. Its a still evening. Im drinking a stubby of Coopers Sparkling. An Italian family are returning from fishing on
the pier. One of them is pulling a special trolley designed for fishing gear & they are talking very loudly. Dogs are barking. Pigeons
cooing. Later Ill ring H. Tonight Ill be sleeping by the waters of Spencer Gulf (about 2ks to the north).

they watch the white birds stoop through mist and spray
beautiful as a dream

it makes them think that

they are near the sea

they wait
to soak their withered hands
in salty water
once again

Thursday 18/4/02. 2.50 pm. Port Kenny. Forgot to mention yesterday that there is a pub in the main strip of Port Pirie adver-
tising bed & “continental breakfast” at $25/night. That gives you an idea how much in demand it is with travellers. Got through to H
last night with the first effort. Everything is OK & Vis mood has improved. That must be the effect of the blood transfusion & what I
presume is the extra supply of oxygen to the brain. Kate rang to say that in her first lesson on the teaching round which was with a ye-
ar 7 group they ran riot. Thatll learn her. I had thought she was overconfident when I saw her at Threshermans last week. H read Joes
first effort at an essay as a tertiary humanities student & said it was pretty slick. I reckon humanities might suit him (27/5/05. ddnt) :
hes got the gift of the gab. I got up early this morning (6.30) & drove to the pier for breakfast ( & the toilet (17/5/02. My initials were
still on the inside of the door.)). Killed a cockroach in the back of the car. Do you remember, honey, the guy on the bicycle with a little
white dog that we got into conversation with on the pier a few years back? He had it in for blackfellas, immigrants (etc.) We thought
he was pretty smart but a lonely person. I always see him when Im here but dont give him the opportunity to strike up a conversation.
Anyway he remarked that he hadnt seen me for a few months which shows hes been noticing. It turns out hes just bought a brand new
VW van. So much for looking poor!

13
 Wednesday 13/8/02 (21/5/05. from ‘11/8/02 - 21/8/02’) …. 12.35 Port Germein. Breezy & when the sun goes beh-
ind a cloud cold so Im in the van writing on the table that is designed to double as Hs bed which is about 8 inches higher than my bed.
The sliding door is open on the side of the van facing into the sun & out of the wind. Anyone whos read my pieces knows that this is a
favourite spot because of its calm so I wont describe it again. I dont have a subject that has taken hold of me so I have an opportunity
to try & avoid an underlying polemic that seems to impose itself on my writing. It may be that the polemic is myself & Id like to break
free. Like the unlearned jew, who because he knows no better sings the alphabet instead of the devotional songs, Id like to offer my
observations without imposing an order for a reader to make of them what he will. Its my way of being social. The fact is I do not wi-
sh to recruit anyone to a point of view (& I wonder if anyone understands what I say about language? or do I fail to express myself? )
– my pleasure comes from sharing.

“Though I speak with tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tink-
ling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all
faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing …. Charity never faileth : but whether there be
prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.”

Paul (I Cor : 13)

The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.

Pascal

Apart from the usual bundles & books of maps, the bible which has been transferred from the Nissan dashboard to the Hiace
one, the bird book, scraps of paper with poems & jottings on them Ive brought ‘The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam’ (to justify my drink-
ing ; when I told Frank I might quote from it he gave me a strange look : he is no populist) & a large tome containing the complete
essays of Montaigne. (Peter Murphy who should know because he is a schoolie tells me that the word ‘essay’, of the dreaded variety
feared by schoolkids, to describe a short written effort originates with him.) Montaigne is a great read; I recommend him. He tackles
philosophic problems not by abstract waffle but by giving examples of the practices & sayings of great men from his own time & an-
tiquity. He is not so shy that he doesnt offer his own views but it is obvious that he gives no particular weight to them. The views he
examples are often contradictory so the reader has no option but to make up his own mind. Here is a quote from the essay ‘Of the Edu-
cation of Children’ : “For likewise these are my humours and opinions; I offer them as what I believe. I aim here only at revealing my-
self, who will perhaps be different tomorrow, if I learn something new which changes me. I have no authority to be believed, nor do I
want it, feeling myself too ill-instructed to instruct others.” & from ‘We Should Meddle Soberly With Judging Divine Ordinances’:
“Thence it happens that nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known, nor are any people so confident as those who tell us
fables, such as alchemists, prognosticators, astrologers, palmists, doctors – that whole breed (Horace).” I came to him through reading
a book in defence of moderate humanism titled ‘Forbidden Garden’ by Tsvetan Todorov. Todorov quotes a variety of reasons Mont-
aigne gives for writing & in every case I could have or already have said the same about my own. Other than introducing me to a great
personality ‘Forbidden Garden’ was a bore. Todorov goes on & on about the ‘I’, the ‘you’, the ‘they’ & the ‘other’ as if he wants to
translate his views into a code with which you might program a computer. He writes those key words in italics & his insistent repetit-
ion of them indicates that he wants to get his way by wearing you down instead of by the clarity of his exposition. (Karen Armstrong
does the same with her ‘mythos’ & ‘logos’ in her books on religion). In the end what he says is said less well in the length of a book
than the parable of the good samaritan says in a paragraph. So much for professional philosophers! But it was worth it for bringing me
to Montaigne. Sometimes you have to suffer to get to a good spot. (just spent ½ an hour talking to a guy about country music, guitars,
voice control, camping vehicles, whether you can camp at the end of this pier where I am now (but will leave) in spite of the sign that
says no camping on foreshore & the cop shop being only a few hundred yards away & he is about to bring round his huge campmobile
to join the other 3 huge campmobiles nearby belonging to people hes made friends with in another town & he has just brought his bus
around & he is towing a trailer which is carrying a 4x4 vehicle & above that vehicle is a kind of frame with a motorboat perched on
top of it & he is from NSW & for the last year & ½ hes been ill.) Back to Montaigne. An example of his method is the essay ‘That To
Philosophize Is To Learn To Die’. He starts by saying in the first sentence that Cicero says that to philosophize is nothing else but to
prepare for death. (I reckon Cicero got it from Platos ‘Phaedo’ (64A) where Plato says : “…for the non-initiate this is a secret, but phi-
losophy is a preparation for death and a gradual dying.”) Then he tackles the problem by simply giving heaps of examples of how var-
ious people have died or what they said just prior to it. Included in the examples is a list of notables that have died between a womans
legs. The list includes a pope but doesnt include Billy Snedden because the essay was written in the 1570s. Thats the kind of thing that
makes him readable. I myself (when Im in Melbourne) am doing my best to maximise the chances of that kind of ending. Sometimes I
think I want to return to a dark, controlled, warm liquid environment right now where I could curl up in a foetal position & forget all
this. I try everywhichway to get in but never make it back in entirety. Incidentally Montaignes essays have many interpolations that he

14
has included in subsequent years after the initial writing but before publication & they were written as continuous pieces. I think its a
pity that Donald Frame, the translator, has seen fit to break them up into paragraphs.

Strolled about for a little looking at the front yards. You can buy a 4 bedroom house on a large block for $60,000. There is a bowling
green that looks like a lawn from a distance but is synthetic. They have planted a row of Norfolk pine along the main part of the esp-
lanade but most have died or are dying. I suspect the summers here may be too fierce for them. As I was eating tea (lousy buns from
the same Wirrabara bake house (they claim to be the only bakery in the mid-north) I got the great pies at) all 4 of the huge campers at
the pier left. One was as high as the roof of a house & had several levels in it. My van which is so upmarket by my standards is noth-
ing compared to what Im seeing. Rang H on the mobile but she was on duty so arranged to ring her at 7.30 which is soon. Rang her :
shes got a cold & so has Kate, she hasnt seen Joe, & Ben is OK. Ive still got a stubby of Coopers stout before I hit the sack.

Oh Thou who with Pitfall and with Booze

Beset the Road I was to wander in,
Thou wilt not with Predestination round
Enmesh me, and impute my Fall to Sin?

Omar Khayyam

Wednesday 12/3/03. (21/5/05. from ‘March 11’)…. ( Port Germein, hot & still, 6.00 ) @ the ‘poets’ last
tuesday Peter Murphy woz saying that apparently a lot of people were sending the letter with the frid-
ge magnet back 2 Mr. HoWARd having added white powder 2 it. Sounds like 1 of those stories that
circulates but is unlikely 2 b true. If I remember rightly these letters r titled ‘To the Householder’ & ad-
dressed 2 specific houses. What would b the point of that kind of gesture if u had 2 get rid of the add-
ressed sheet so no one knew who u were? Anyway, if I had sent that letter out I would have inserted
an invisible barcode of the address in2 each booklet so that when the letters came back with the whi-
te powders Id know where theyd come from. Then Id put the names on a list ( in Stalins days regional
bosses were often issued with quotas of how many had 2 b xecuted & they were so large that the on-
ly way they could b filled was by victims names being taken from lists. The surest way 2 get the chop
( “when you chop wood chips fly” said Stalin ) woz 2 b on a list, any list, & there were informers who
were known ( they had hot lines too though not on fridge magnets ) 2 have sent 100s of innocents 2
their deaths. They were not all looking 4 financial reward, patriotism woz the big motive. No doubt
they watched (27/5/05. I send my rtklz drkt → Canberra 2 save em th trubl) out 4 suspicious bhaviour,
anything unusual, like @ the place next door 2 us in Miller st. where there r strange comings & goings
@ all hours of heaps of dubious looking guys with weird accents. Lately theyve taken 2 climbing up
on the roof pretending 2 b just having fun drinking beer. They claim 2 b irishmen but I dont blieve
them. Im not ringing the hotline but coz Stalins informers were also put on lists ( that was the other
way of getting on2 them & their turn came later ) bcoz u have got 2 have something 2 show 2 justify
how taxpayers money is spent. These organizations r doing their work ( probably fielding a 1000 calls
a day from dmented geriatrics whose picture of the world comes almost ntirely from a TV tube & from
the emotionally disturbed & other isolated people who dont have 2 go further than their fridge 2 bcom-
e players on a world stage ) in a country which has not had a terrorist incident since the Hilton bomb-
ing a generation ago. There probably isnt a single terrorist out there & if there is he wont get caught
coz hell check out 4 what not 2 do by reading up the ‘Lets Look out for Australia’ book first. So all
these snoopers have 2 look 4 are would-b terrorists & potential would-b terrorists. Which means mak-
ing lots of lists & more lists. Sooner or later they will have 2 show some results. Thats why the legisla-
tion mooted by Steve Bracks where houses of suspects can b searched without their knowledge is so
worrying. Whatever rational ( I suppose agencies might rgue that it would allow them 2 plant listening
& recording dvices ) is given 4 this suggestion ( houses of supects can b searched now as thoroughly
as is needed ) its main effect would b that it would allow people 2 b set up by making it dead easy 2
plant incriminating evidence on them. Once upon a time ASIO (25/5/05. I kwote th folown kkount givn
→ me x DRUaMlMeOcND : “16/5/05. Several years ago, I applied for access to my 
mother’s and maternal grandparent’s ASIO files. ¶ ASIO is exempt from 
15
Freedom of Information laws, but a separate arrangement exists whereby one 
can apply throught the National Archives in Canberra, for files 30 years 
old or older to be released to the Archives, who then (for a fee) can post 
photocopies. ¶ ASIO staff first vet the files, deleting parts that could, 
for example, be used to identify an ASIO agent. ¶ Some months after I app­
lied I got a letter from the Archives listing the files they’d received 
from ASIO. Photocopying and postage was about 50c a page, and the costs per 
file indicate the quantity – “Alexander Anders – Volume 2 – A6119/90,2848” -
$71. “Rachela Anders aka Rachela Morrison – Volume 1 – A6119/90,2846” - $67 
and so on. My sister Sue and I sent off cheques for about half of the files 
to be copied and sent to us. ¶ These files covered parts of the 1950s and 
1960s, well before mass computerization. The days of filing cards, carbon 
paper and manual cross­referencing. From what we got, ASIO must have empl­
oyed legions of typists and filing clerks just to manage the system. ¶
Both my maternal grandparents were active in the Australia-USSR Friendship 
Society, and in various peace groups. My grandfather was in Moscow at the 
time of the Gary Powers U2 spy flight trial (a note in one file shows that 
ASIO noticed him in the public gallery at the trial on the TV coverage).(I 
also have his diary of this trip – mostly in English curiously [he was born 
and grew up till 16 in Moscow]) ¶ The highlight for me personally of this 
voluminous amount of observation and recording was the first ever reference 
to me in an ASIO file. The occasion was the 1969 Australia­Soviet Friend­
ship Society Xmas Party when I was 4½. Attendees are listed, including 
“Rachel Morrison with two grandchildren” [me & my then 6½ sister Sue.] Best 
of all in this file is the final attendee listed – “Irene (f.n.u) [= “full 
name unknown”] – tiresomely voluble Russian woman” ¶ Obviously Irene (f.n.u) 
had cornered ASIO’s spy at the party and wouldn’t shut up. Did she know who 
the spy was and attempted to stop him hearing others? Or was she just natu­
rally, and relatively innocently, “tiresomely voluble”? We may never know. ¶
Its easy to laugh at a lot of this – especially a particularly Keystone Cop­
ish record of my grandfather being lost, then found, then lost again by 
some spies on a trip he made to Canberra – but the effort and sheer detail 
involved in spying on what to us seems innocent (my 20 year old mum organi­
zing her weekend social life – recorded by a telephone tap and all names 
mentioned cross­referenced) shows serious paranoia in the secret service of 
the time. And their ability to get resources from the government of the day 
to indulge this. ¶ How different are things in our current New New War? On­
ly Allah and perhaps Lenin know. If our society survives, we may find out 
in thirty years …”) woz busy keeping files ( dstroyed under the Cain government? ) on union
leaders & labor party members & now I imagine the list is headed by muslim clerics (28/5/05. I amend
: knvrts → muslm rljn ajd btween 18-35 hoov had mltri trainn & bn 2 th mdl eest or th subkntnt). It all
seems so stupid (1/6/05. how ronik 2 find th doneezian mbasi 2 b a targt (2/6/05. Interesting that
in all the newspaper and TV coverage of the event no one has said the phr-ase “terrorist
attack”. Is it because the perps are likely to be Aussie supporters of Chapelle Corby? –
Helh&z) (2/6/05. just powdr pprntli) & no1 thort 2 make lists of th p10shl terr-rsts koz thr not muzlmz
(Richardson (thankt x HoWARd 4 hiz good werk) sed they wer ASIOs nchrl tr-gts)). & why r we told 2
keep a torch handy? Woz there a scoutmaster involved in drawing up the adv-ice? & whats the idea
of having an out of town contact for family members? Either the government knows something that its

16
not letting on about eg. that there is the possibility of a nuclear bomb going off in Melbourne or
Sydney or its more paranoid than I am. Or it purposely wants 2 foster fear & para-noia so that people
would b prepared 2 hand over even more of their rights 2 an all powerful state ( 20/3/03. I recognize
now that it woz dsigned 2 shape public opinion in preparation for attacking iraq regardless of UN
outcomes ) which we are told in the book the Prime Minister ( oh no John HoWARd the shameless
liar ) will take strategic control of in a national emergency. If all this crap doesnt bcome a self fulfilling
prophecy (2/6/05. thei korzd th hoaxz) Ill go hee. Sorry, readers ( esp. liberal party sup-porters ), Im
just trying 2 get it out of me system. Washin it out of me hair. 9.05 pm. Im sitting in the heritage
railway shed at the head of the jetty under a fluorescent light. On the wall in front of me is a sign that
says NO FIRES PERMITTED IN THIS SHED. Next 2 me on the bench someone has printed DRINK
PISS & SMOKE WEED. ( the mozzies r out in droves ). But the koorie family I saw here a wh-ile ago
were drinking bourbon & cola. Their mpty cans r on the table. Also I notice among more recent
writings on the table that “fingers chicken blows pigs” & “w gay fucks cows”. Its a balmy night. Earlier I
rang H. Shes OK considering how low she woz over the weekend. She says Bill Woodlock (25/5/05.
just nokt on th dor 2 sai th@ werk on th x10shn 2 hiz haus haz strtd (I kan heer it) & 1/3 of th new fen-
s whch had rplaist th old 1 iz 2 b puld ↓) is removing the ivy off the fence @ Miller st. tomor-row & that
Dan volunteered 2 give him a hand. Joe & Ben dropped in 2 do their washing. After sunset I walked
out on the jetty 4 a dip by way of a wash. Had 2 go out about ½ k b4 the water woz deep enough bc-
oz the tide was ½ out. The water woz skin temperature. Then walked 2 the end of the jetty & watched
the 7 or 8 people who were going after blue swimmer crabs with nets ( there is a Festival of the Crab
here each year on 26th january ). The water on the southeast side of the jetty woz dark but the north-
west woz shimmering silver with a faint rose in it, perfectly still. Some dolphins came by & 1 kept go-
ing round & round the pylon directly under where I woz watching. I think it woz per4ming. U cant get
much closer 2 1 than that. U could tell how heavy it woz bcoz when it bumped the pylon u felt the vi-
bration. Im drinking a very cold stubby of Coopers Sparkling. Later Ill probably walk out on the pier
again 2 see how the crab fishermen r doing. It takes 5 or 6 crabs 2 make a meal Im told. Later again
Ill go 2 my usual spot in the scrub along the shore a couple of ks 2 the north. ( 21/3/03. On the way
back through Port Germein I learnt that the guy with the little dog who had talked 2 me about the VW
van he had just bought ( see ‘15/4/02 – 26/4/02’ p.6 ) 2 fit out & travel in woz buried 3 weeks ago. He
had no connexions but the lady in the pub said theyd “sent him off “ with a good funeral. His name
woz John ( about 67 ) & he had an agreement with a friend in Adelaide that if 1 died the other would
look after his dog. So the little fox terrier has gone 2 the big city now. ) Thursday 13/3/03. Im surroun-
ded by noisy seagulls. Theyre very aggressive so I have 2 watch the food in the car. Just noticed that
my legs from the knees down r covered by tiny midges ( u would have freaked out honey) & they r ri-
ght in2 it biting away. Their bite is as bad as the mozzies were dishing out 2 me earlier in the morn-
ing. I think Ive brought them all back with me when I drove 2 the railway shed 4 breakfast. They must
have surged in2 the van when I opened the sliding door 2 get out. Last night I started out parked btw-
een the shed & the jetty in case I felt like a midnight stroll but a group of young guys who were moo-
ing & braying @ the top of their voices settled in under the lights in the shed. They were probably dru-
gged & I didnt want 2 have 2 parry them in the middle of the night. The last time I parked here I woz
solicited (31/5/05. but orl sh mai hav 1td woz 2 ask 4 sgrets or evn nvite me 2 join em(1/6/05. Am-
azing how the male mind works. Its because it’s directly connected to the balls –
Helh&z)) by a shy (1/6/05. Wonder how a brazen one would have made her ap-proach )
young koorie girl ( whose male companions were drinking in the shed ) in the hours b4 dawn. So I
went 2 my usual spot after all but bcoz of the mangroves nearby its bad 4 mozzies anyti-me let alone
now the worst time of the year 4 bugs as any dinkum aussie among my readers knows. Dont know if
Ive ever mentioned that the streets here r numbered ( as in many other towns in SA ) american style,
up 2 7 I think. Saw 2 budgies nearby ( Melopsittacus undulatis ). Am going 2 the toilet 4 a shave as I
want 2 keep my upper lip smooth 4 the goggles. Then will shop up in Port Augusta ( 60 ks away ) b4
heading south down the other side of the Gulf of St Vincent 2wards Tumby Bay. Its 9.40 am ….

17
Monday 30/6/03. (21/5/05. from ‘June 28/29’) Didn’t have breakfast this morning (e-xcept
for 2 mandarins each) in anticipation of Wirrabara pies. We first discov-ered them on a
trip to the southern Flinders quite a few years ago and they re-main the Holy Grail of pies
for both of us. When we got there (via Burra, Hallet, Jamestown and Gladstone) the
anticipation was enormous and we succumbed like the weak-willed flesh-eaters we are.
He had a steak and kidney and I had a steak and mushroom with 2 cups of strong
plunger coffee for me and 4 for him, followed up later by a steak and pepper for him and
a steak and onion for me. A walk on the 1k pier at Port Germein and a stroll around the
town has done little to ease his discomfort (All that fat! All that meat! All that coffee!) so
it looks like a sleepless night tonight. I’m feeling OK but haven’t lain prone yet which is
when my hiatus hernia reminds me of my recklessness, if its going to. Our mutual
propensity to indigestion wasn’t dampened by a long ---------------------------------------
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camels yarded at Hallet – it’s nice and green around here now so they looked a bit out of
place – and a couple of alpacas which are becoming the fla-vour of the month round the
country, replacing the emu farms which took off like rockets some years ago and are now
no more. Port Germein is sleepy as us-ual though they are doing up the roads and the
house prices have risen. Some-one from Tasmania bought the ex-pub right on the
waterfront for $250,000. It was last up for sale about 6 years ago for $80,000. Its been
partially renovated but still needs lots of work. I drank the 4 coffees bcoz th@ts what
it took 2 mty the jug. Im ncapbl of leaving a drnk ndrnk or food on the plate. But I
have a solut-ion : no t 2night, 1 Somac pill (the medcalized body), 3 stubbies (2 of
Coopers Sp-arkling & 1 of stout). Wer in the van overlookng Spencer Gulf
(shoreline 15 yards away; surface glassy; sounds of lappng water; a pair of pied
oyster catchers (Ha-ematopus ostralegus) nearby (& another doz hav flown in);
the sun is about 2 set; chimney of Port Pirie smelter vsible on dstant shoreline).
The van is on top of a s&y rise (firm bcoz of the recent rain) backing the shore.
The doors & windows r closd as ther r mozzies bcoz of the mngroves but we hav
xllnt vntlation from the pop top windows whch hav netting. Later well roll back
down the s&hill 4 the ng-ht. The book Iv brought is ‘Nietzsche and the Divine’
(Clinamen Press 2000; isbn 1903083125) a complation of ssays edtd by John
Lippitt & Jim Urpeth. H is read-ing ‘The Slightly True Story of Cedar B. Hartley
(who planned to live an unusual life)’ by Martine Murray (Allen & Unwin 2002). Iv
just opnd the 2nd stubby & my nd-gstion is getting better already. I had plannd 2
write somethng about the way lan-guage is connectd 2 the body (th@ it is a
contnuation of it) but now I thnk of it I reckn Iv givn as good an account as I m
capbl of in prvious writings. Xplnation is 1 thng & unncessry 4 those who have
direct knwldge but should any1 wish 2 @m-pt a better ndrst&ng I rfer thm 2 the
writings of Nietzsche who knew what he woz talkng about on ths topic. Many of

18
those who hav bn rmmbrd 4 what they hav said hav known (or actd as if they hav)
th@ the ‘truth’ or othrwise of what they say is 2 b judged by the ntegrty of the
way they live (body & actions). Nietzsche who hate-d the legacy of Socrates
dialectic claimed it woz a direct consquence of the ugli-ness of the mans
physical ppearance. 4 Nietzsche (phlosphr of perspectivism (“At least we are
today far from the laughable immodesty of decreeing from our own little corner
that perspectives are permissable only from this corner. The world has rather
become ‘infinite’ for us once more, insofar as we cannot dismiss the possibility
that it CONTAINS WITHIN IT INFINITE INTERPRETATIONS. Once more the great
shudder grips us – but who then would want straight away to divinize th-is
monster of an unknown world again in the old way?” (‘The Joyful Wisdom’ 374-)”)
the ‘masters of truth’ (how very many ‘truths’ ther r!) wer the pre-Socratics. He-
raclitus & the buddha gave away their possessions. Wittgenstein shocked his rla-
tvs (1 of the wealthier famlies in europe) by givng away his nheritance. Whn a rch
man askd chrst what he must do 2 ntr the kngdm of hevn he told him 2 giv away
his goods 2 the poor & follow him (who had nothng & nowher 2 sleep). (1/6/05. but I
do not make klaimz wich dpend on eny xmpl I mite giv or fail 2 giv).I hav opnd the Coopers Bre-
wery Ltd * Best Extra Stout*. I m pleasntly the slghtst bit dzzy.

Wednesday 20/8/03. (21/5/05. from ‘August 18’)… Camping spot (where the vegetation down the ce-
ntre of the access track is growing fast & was brushing hard against the bottom of the van. Might not
b able 2 get in next time) → Burra (where I checked the message bank on the mobile on which H had
left a happy birthday song; bought a litre of metho 4 the trangia) → Hallet (the camels r still in the pa-
ddock next 2 the highway) → Jamestown (where a shop front on the main st displays the words in 2 ft
high signwriting on the inside of the window : COME, HOLY GHOST, COME) → Wirrabara (read the
paper while drinking a jug of plunger coffee (3 cups) & eating a steak & kidney pie) → Port Ger-mein
(where its gloomy, cold & windy; the outlook is 4 more of it & rain 4 days ahead which may 4ce me 2
change my plans). I owe Lance Morton an xplanation as I had told him when I bought the sandals (1-
2/8/03) th@ Id probably b spending my birthday @ the spot he had recommended in the Strathbogie
ranges off the Merton-Ancona rd about 15ks north east of Merton. Apparently its a pearl-er & the mi-
nor track u use 2 get there is not shown in my VicRoads Country Directory but Lance had provided
me with a fotocopy of the area from a more detailed map & even attached a couple of fotos he had
scanned on his computer which he had taken of it. Th@ was on top of having given the $50 cut on
the shoes. What happened, mate, was th@ when I saw the weather map I changed me plans thinking
Id get north of the weather & now Im worse off than if Id remained in Vic. I feel guilty coz I noticed
th@ Lance had spotted I was wearing a new pair of shoes which I had bought from his competition.
These r Naot brand shoes with a cork insole which I find particularly comfy & the only other shop I
know th@ stocks them is a small shop in Acland st in St Kilda. Lance is often away from his Ivanhoe
shop (he has another (27/5/05. & a 3rd 1 now) 1 in Kew) & I was in St Kilda anyway when I needed
the replacement pair so I rode past the Sheherazade café (used as a title for a book currently on the
shelves by a writer with the same initials as me (Arnold Zable)) which was boarded up as the front
plate glass was smashed (28/7/03) 2 the shoe shop nearby which was in a state of disorder sorting
out a new delivery of stock. The 3rd pair of shoes I tried felt pretty good & when Id given them a thor-
ough test & had decided 2 buy them the lady in the shop said well what do you think & I said these r
good & she said Ill give u a reduction on them. I knew they were being sold 4 $200/pair 4 a couple of
years now & I said how much & she said u can have them 4 $150. I wasnt going 2 argue with a 25%
reduction & took them. Then as she was putting them back in the box she said where do u originate
19
from & I said I was born in lithuania & she said so was she. Th@ xplained why she had given me the
cut it seemed except it was happening in the wrong order : 1st I indicate Ill take the shoes, then she
gives me a reduction, then she tells me why. (& I have since mused th@ mayb everything is in rever-
se : we started out as nothing, a single dot which xploded, & now we r being scattered ever more wi-
dely. & mayb evolution isnt a growing but a process of entropy, a winding down, always approaching
towards a final cold stillness in a static universe. & mayb awareness, the holding 2gether of different,
discordant pieces (sensations), is an attempt 2 retain a long lost & ever diminishing cohesion) (Are
you related to Woody Allen, by any chance? helenz 30/8/03) As I said matters of id-entity
have been an issue 4 me recently bcoz of my decision 2 get the litho passports 4 the kids & ov-er the
weeks since the trip with H Ive been in one of those domains (moods?) where things tend 2 get
connected (George Luis Borges describes the phenomenon excellently in his story ‘The Zahir’ & a
few weeks ago I read a humdinger of a story by Paul Auster in Granta (the Magazine of New Writing)
no. 71 titled ‘It Don’t Mean A Thing’ about ‘coincidences’ of the kind I often write about. & Id like 2 say
2 Paul that if u really mean it (which I dont think is the case) u r being just as assertive & presumpt-
uous as those who say it means something. I hold a 3rd position 2 the polarized opinions above & say
I dont know what it means (though I have my suspicions) & I cant xplain it & Im inclined 2 accept the
not knowing) so it didnt surprise me when she said she was born in a small town near Vilnius whose
name Ive forgotten. She said she was born when Vilnius was still part of poland so she has 2 b @
least a year older than me. As it happens a few days earlier (23/7/03) I had visited Frank Lovece 2 dr-
ink his dads delicious home made wine (“must be from shiraz grapes”) & eat his home made savoury
snags & 2 pick up 82 pages of writing titled ‘Conversations with Lev Shestov’ by Benjamin Fondane
th@ Marcus, a friend of Frank, had pulled off the internet http://www.angelfire com/nb-/shestov-
/fon/fondane-full.html 07/7/03 & I also picked up a couple of cassettes of music th@ Alec Drumm-
ond (27/5/05. had lunch wth him & wth Alana (hoo iz prgnt) 2dai; sed hullo 2 Andrea; gave a kopi of
‘30/4/05’ 2 Mark az rkwstd) had given Frank 2 pass on 2 me. Most of the music consisted of songs
sung in yiddish by a contemporary group in New York & a group called the Vilna choir that was sing-
ing in the 60s in israel. 3 of the songs were different versions of the same beautiful song about Vilnius
(Alec says Vilna, the lady in the shop says Vilno) called Vilne Vilne. Because I had been very moved
(21/8/03. Bcoz its all gone. Ive read an account of the last day of an xecution squad which moved
west as the russian front approached. With the front only hours away the 300 or so men of the unit
changed in2 civilian clothes & scattered, most going west some returning east crossing the soviet
lines back in2 lithuania. Of those th@ went back some 25 or so were later identified & sentenced 2
various terms in siberia by the new soviet authority.) (You are unhealthily obsessed (2/6/05. just
get on wth it u rekn – get a life?)by all that stuff - it wasn’t your fault or responsi-bility and
you should let it go. I dont know a lot, but I do know there is absol-utely no such thing as
inherited guilt or genetic blame or some sort of ethnic culpability – helenz 30/8/03) by the
songs over the previous days I heard her story with a sense of the particular familiarity th@ I get
when I xperience the ‘small world’ domain. She told me how her family had been so dislocated by
large events during the war th@ she knew hardly anything about her relatives. She had ended up in
Gdansk (where Solidarity was born) & from there came 2 australia in the 60s because she knew she
had a relative in Melbourne. Only after she got here she discovered from her Melbourne relative th@
she had @ least 2 relatives in poland of whom 1 was a radio announcer. She told me the family
names of relatives about which she knew little & would have liked 2 find out whether they were jewish
or polish but I didnt know except th@ they didnt sound pol-ish. When her face quivered as if she was
going 2 cry I distracted her bcoz I feel inadequate in those situations by suggesting she access the
family tree program on the computers @ the Immigration Mu-seum in Flinders st which u can do 4
free. But she didnt know how 2 use a computer & she hadnt he-ard of the museum. She said
everything is gone (her family had been rich) & things go in circles & u keep coming 2 a dead end. On
th@ note I left suggesting she get someone 2 check out the names @ the museum as H had found
even our name there despite its rarity (of an immigrant in2 New York). Thats the story of my new
shoes, Lance, & what contributes 2 my feelings of guilt is that I knew when I told u of the reduction I
20
was being strategic bcoz how could u not give me a good cut having just he-ard of the 1 she gave. I
did it on automatic (that proves youre related to Woody Allen – helenz 30/8/03 (28/5/05. no,
but I m goin 2 c ‘Miranda Miranda’ @ th Nova on mundi (31/5/05. sor it 2dai & found it priti good –
tipkl WA on th manrz & lngwj (spshli of dalians) of th beautfl ppl of NY))) & I know very well th@ u
insist on me taking a reduction anyway. (Its been raining the whole time Ive been writing & everything
in northern SA thats off the bitumen is turning in2 mud.) … 6.35. Its still rai-ning. Rang home. Dan
answered as H was visiting Vi. Hes got his interview @ the US consulate tom-orrow. Hoping 2 get
some work during fashion week. Ben was over last night avoiding a Joe & Tony party. ‫ی‬٢٤ ‫تسظكמکپى‬. I
am hoping I dont have 2 get out of the van 4 a crap 2night. Bit concerned about the wind : hope the
pop-top can handle it. Will continue the story 2morrow. Thursday 21/8/03. Slept well. The sound of
showers on the roof & the buffeting of the van by the wind contributed. This morning the sun is out but
the wind is cold. The tide is 3/4s in. The radio says farmers & graziers r keenly anticipating the next
band of rain which the bureau says should drop about an inch (& up 2 60 mls in the ranges) of rain in
northern parts some of which (as me & H noted on our last trip c ‘June 28/29’ p9-10) need it badly.
Drove 2 the toilet block in the town 2 wash me hands & face & brush me teeth. A sign has been put
up in the foreshore car park across the road saying NO OVERNIGHT CA-MPING DAY USE ONLY
(CAMPGROUND 200 M → ). Modernity is catching up with Port Germein. I return 2 the minor doings
of insignificant people in the inner suburbs of Melbourne & the information I provide is of no use even
2 enthusiasts of trivial pursuit. The reason Frank L was so excited about the Banjamin Fondane
interviews with Shestov & wanted me 2 read them was because Fondane had made important
contributions in many areas of exploratory art but especially in avant-garde film & po-etry & had been
of heroic stature 4 Frank & his circle in their youth whereas Lev Shestov was an au-thor I had recently
been infatuated with (Frank had given me a present of a Shestov book hed found in a 2nd hand book
shop). But I had never heard of Fondane & Frank hadnt known that Fondane had any connection with
Shestov. So here we r, me & Frank, pretty good mates, discover th@ 2 authors we have
independently admired were themselves good friends & more. 4 it turns out th@ Fondane was a
disciple, his only disciple, of the much older Shestov & had bcome a phlosopher of minor note in
order 2 please his master who 4 awhile was developing a reputation with some in europe (eg Mal-
raux) as the next mystic following in the tradition set by Nietzsche & Dostoievski. I repeat my obser-
vation th@ as a philosopher Shestov is incoherent (5/9/03. if u say the impossible is possible, or wine
can b blood, or death is eternal life u violate the way words have gained the meanings with which we
have negotiated (25/5/05. 4md) our world (in early christendom a bishop of Rome had 2 warn the fai-
thful against the fashion 4 martyrdom as it was getting out of hand as christians were queuing up 2
get an early entry into the next life; it may b suicide bombers r similarly confused) but should u agree
2 misuse them only in specially designated (eg religious) restricted circumstances (subsets of usage;
mythos/logos distinction) then u take away the significance of accepting the contradictions bcoz it is
easy 2 use words meaninglessly. Some choose 2 abdicate responsibility 4 comparing their experien-
ces with those of their neighbours in the quest 4 meaning by delegating the task 2 a priestly caste or
other groups who r only too willing 2 promote the misuses so as 2 encourage the transfer of authority
involved) & his best writing is literary criticism. Th@ a person of such wide ranging talents as Fond-
ane already successful in a variety of careers including as a literary critic himself should choose the
humble role of disciple 2 an ageing Shestov has further enhanced Fondanes reputation in Franks ey-
es. I have a different reaction. Fondane was in attendance @ Shestovs death but didnt reach old age
himself. When he was in Auschwitz he was given an opportunity 2 get out through the intervention of
his important literary connections but was not prepared 2 take advantage of the offer unless it inclu-
ded his sister who was also there. She was not allowed 2 leave so he remained with her 2 his death.
If he had been a roman catholic people would have prayed 2 him 4 intercession 2 cure their illnesses,
spontaneous remissions would have been reported as miracles (but I must say it is as obvious 2 me
th@ whereas those who believe in miracles will find evidence of them even if they dont happen those
who disbelieve will never find evidence of them though they happen b4 their very noses), submiss-
ions would have been made 2 church bodies & the pope might have considered nominating him 4 ca-
21
nonization. Fondanes final choice has raised (31/5/05. bkoz ‘life’ iz not wot I vlue most) him far above
Shestov in my estimation & his discipleship had made me wonder what it was about Lev Shestov th@
I have overlooked. When I arrived @ Franks I had brought with me an invitation 2 the opening of an
exhibition of concrete/visual poetry (July 31-August 3 @ the Gabriel Gallery @ the Footscray Comm-
unity Arts Centre) by a group called AXLE (25/5/05. dfunkt) I sometimes refer 2 in my pieces as ‘the
poets’ or ‘the tuesday poets’. Here is a bit of info about them from part of a blurb inside the brochure
written by Peter Murphy : “AXLE began in 1994. On seeing the work of various concrete/visual poets
in the tribute which πo organized to celebrate the life and work of Jas. H. Duke, Tony Figallo was kee-
n that these and other such poets should meet on a regular basis to see each others work and discu-
ss matters of common interest. He sent out invitations which led to the first get-together of AXLE me-
mbers at Fruscolino Café in East Richmond. Since then we have been meeting on the first Tuesday
of the month. Over several years, AXLE, a ‘monthly newsletter for concrete, visual, action and sound
poetries’ published a range of work by members and other concrete/visual poets, both local and inter-
national. It also included articles and reflections on concrete/visual poetry, notes about discussions at
meetings and details about mail art exhibitions and publications.” I sug-gested th@ Frank , who lives
in Footscray, take a look @ the exhibition since there were works there by people he knew & it was
close by but he didnt even bother 2 glance inside the invite & said hed lost interest in concrete/visual
poetry long ago. He showed me some work hed done as a youth & it was good. I dont think AXLE has
a contribution 2 make 2 him. Basically were a group of old duffers. Our purpose is 2 provide each
other with a bit of talk & company (& it mightnt last as Tony spat the dummy last meeting & reckons
he might leave). Frank had a bit of a complaint about Tony whom I didnt know he knew as Tony had
used a foto as a cover of Frank & friends doing a ‘sound poetry’ performance without bothering 2 me-
ntion who was in it while laying claim 2 the foto (Tony is in2 ©). These r minor doings in small worlds
but what interests me is how they r all connected because as Frank was talking about the foto I was
holding the invite in my hand with the blurb inside (which he hadnt seen) about the Jas H. Duke trib-
ute 9 years ago @ which it was taken. But I only realized th@ a couple of weeks later when I caught
up with Kate 2 mark her birthday 4 a meal of kugelis @ litho house (on 10/8/03) b4 heading off 2 the
bar mitzvah of Maxs son Bruce (31/8/03. this is what I would have said “now th@ youre 13 & have
bcome an adult & old enough 2 pick & choose what 2 imitate about your parents let me tell u that I
have known your dad 4 a long time & though he works in a place where there is a big tradition of
whingeing I have never heard him whinge even once. Also I have never heard your old man say a
single bad word about any1. In fact Brian here told me just a little while ago th@ a guy we all knew,
Arthur Rushby, once said th@ if u tried 2 teach Max 2 b mean 2 some1 he wouldnt know how. I know
there have been hard things in your dads life but in the work-place he is always making people arou-
nd him cheerier & jollying them along. U couldnt do yourself a bigger favour when u start work now
th@ youre grown up than imitate his example”). The kugelis was cooked by Mykolas & Lelija Kozlov-
skis & it was terrific, just as tasty as Bronias last sunday. Later I told Mykolas it seemed 2 me though I
dont understand yiddish th@ 1 of the songs I was listening 2 by the Vilna choir of israel was about
spuds & kugelis but I wasnt sure so I said Id bring the cassettes Alec had given me the following sun-
day (17/8/03) 4 him 2 have a listen 2.I had been trying 2 find out & had even asked Theo Black when
I met him in the vic market (3/8/03) 4 only the 2nd time in 30 years. As we were shaking hands Theo
didnt recognize me until I introduced meself. I gave him my 2 previous pieces & told him th@ I had
mentioned his former wife Rita (Gawenda (25/5/05. bruthr iz now th Washington krspndnt 4 th ‘Age’ &
ritin rports prktkli vri dai) → Rubens → Black) in a story I wrote @ the start of last year titled ‘The Hat’
(c p4). He said she died 5 years ago from cancer. It was a shock. I mention it because a couple of pe-
ople (Bill Sinclair; Cathy Smith (formerly Ward)) who get my stuff were probably taught HSC literature
by her @ Merrilands HS. Theo told me a meaning 4 kugelis but he got it wrong as it turned out. Alec
told me later that it means potato cake (ie the kugelis Ive been eating on sundays) & the song is ab-
out eating spuds every day. Spuds r even bigger in east europe than in ireland. No doubt Mykolas will
confirm Alecs version next I c him when there is an even money chance Ill b eating kugelis again (&
loving it) (2 b continued) …(done a 70k round trip 2 Wirrabara 2 read the papers with the help of a jug
22
from which I got 4 cups of extremely strong plunger coffee & I also had a steak & pepper pie; dont
know if I mentioned last time th@ the town roads r in the process of being asphalted & whether Ive
mentioned th@ there is a primary school here; Im back on the shore north of the town @ the spot
where beach meets mangrove) …. During the lunch with Kate I gave her the invite 2 the AXLE exhib-
ition suggesting she might enjoy a visit 2 a free event. I must stress th@ me & Kate do not mix in the
same circles (being father & daughter) except th@ we both know Frank & Marissa independently &
have never met unexpectedly @ a social gathering. Kate glanced @ the list of names of exhibitors on
the inside page of the brochure & remarked that 1 of them, Danny Moynihan, had been a teachers of
hers @ art school @ RMIT. He was good too, she said, sticking 2 practical method instead of the airy
fairy conceptual stuff many of her teachers were in2. Danny gets my stuff! Then it transpired she had
been @ the Jas H. Duke tribute 9 years ago. She remembered πo asking her where I had disappea-
red 2 as I hadnt been on the scene 4 years. She reminded me of a story about how I had thrown πo
down a set of stairs @ the end of a poetry reading. I was very flattered the story had changed in her
memory as the way I had been told it was was he who had thrown me down the stairs bcoz I was dr-
unk & disorderly. I only remember the start of the reading as I must have had an alcoholic black out
by the end of the night (those were the days; “now the days of youth have fled / and grey hairs are on
my head” – Blake, I think). Then she said Frank L & friends had been @ the tribute doing their sound
poetry stuff – th@s when I realized the foto he had been talking about must have been taken @ the
event. Ill check with Tony next time I see him if hes changed his mind about boycotting ‘the poets’! Oh
yes, b4 I 4get, Fondane says that Shestov said th@ ”Heine was right to say that Kant was more of a
fearsome revolutionary than Robespierre. Robespierre only cut off people’s heads, Kant beheaded
God Himself.” …. Rang home but missed H again. Shes not home till late 2night becoz of a school
play. Dans interview went well. Hes getting his US passport & a working visa valid 4 3 years next we-
ek & heading off after fashion week. Im about 2 do the mandatory stroll 2 the end of the pier (1k + 1k),
get a couple of stubbies, & spend the night @ my usual spot by the beach. 5.35pm Friday 22/8/03.
8.20am (Melbourne time, 7.50 SA time) Very still. During the night I heard cocks crowing. Sky clear.
Im sitting bhind the van on the clothes box. The tail gate is raised as Ive just had breakfast. A large
enamel cup of coffee is within reach on the back tail bar. Im 8 metres (just stepped it out) from the
high tide mark but the waters edge is a few hundred yards away. My field of view includes the Flind-
ers Ranges stretching south, the Port Germein pier, & 2 the right the Port Pirie smelter with its tall ch-
imney. I am being warmed by the mornign sun; the rain band isnt due till 2morrow. A book I finished a
day or 2 b4 I left is Anne Applebaums ‘Gulag’ which cost me 80 bucks in hard cover a few weeks ago
& now can b got in soft cover 4 $60. I think I read these things (27/5/05. 2dai Im fnshn ‘killing me soft-
ly’ x Dr Philip Nitschke & Dr Fiona Stewart ©, pub 2005 x Penguin Books whch iz ddk8d 2 “the spirit
and determination of Mordechai Vanunu”) 2 make myself depressed (See my point on p5 – hel-
enz 31/8/03) (Ive also read Robert Conquests ‘The Red Terror’ (?) & Solzenitzins ‘Gulag Archipel-
ago’ when they 1st came out a long time ago & numerous tomes on Hitler & the 3rd Reich & on Mao &
the cultural revolution.) Here is some material from ‘Gulag’ : “Later, the criteria for arrest became mor-
e precise, or, at least, as precise as any Soviet criteria for arrest ever became. One document of May
1941, concerning the expulsion of “socially foreign” elements from the Baltic states, occupied Roman-
ia, and occupied Poland, demanded, among other things, the arrest of “active members of counter-
revolutionary organizations” – meaning political parties; former members of police or the prison serv-
ice; important capitalist and bourgeoisie; former officers of the national armies; family members of the
above (that includes me); anyone repatriated from Germany; refugees from “former Poland”; as well
as thieves and prostitutes” (p422) & “Another set of instructions, issued by the commissar of newly
Sovietized Lithuania in November 1940, said deportees should include, along with the categories ab-
ove, “those frequently travelling abroad, involved in overseas correspondence or coming into contact
with representatives of foreign states (my dad had been 2 england 2 buy aeroplanes 4 the airforce &
my mum had been educated @ the Sorbonne in Paris (c her book ‘Elena’s Journey’ by Elena Jonait-
is, Text Publishing, 1997.. ISMB 1875847502)); Esperantists; philatelists; those working with the Red
Cross; refugees; smugglers; those expelled from the Communist Party; priests and active members
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of religious congregations; the nobility, landowners, wealthy merchants, bankers, industrialists, hotel
and restaurant owners. “ (I am interested in these things becoz they happened in my own lifetime &
human nature hasnt changed 4 the better (the reverse in the west (25/5/05. provn x our kmplsti in
trchr)) & particularly Im interested in the mechanisms which underlie paranoia @ a societal level bcoz
it isnt going 2 take much 2 make us turn against each other & (believe me) it will happen.) More from
‘The Gulag’ : the Volga germans (there since the days of Catherine the Great) were deported on the
grounds th@ the soviet authorities had “trustworthy information” (does this sound like our own inform-
ation which cannot b revealed (25/5/05. ie on WMDs) in order 2 protect intelligence sources?) & 390-
000 Chechens (the entire population) were also deported by Stalin. The NKVD used american made
Studebakers recently purchased through the Lend-Lease program & shipped over the border from
Iran. There are many descriptions of how the Chechens were taken off the Studebakers & placed into
sealed trains : they were not only deprived of water, like “ordinary “ prisoners, but also of food (c “Gu-
lag” p429). Up to 78000 of them died on the transport trains alone. Their exile, although actually carr-
ied out in 1944, was announced in the newspaper Izvestia years later as having taken place in June
1946. The deportations of entire other minority nations (eg Karachai, Balkars, Kalmyks, Ingush, Mes-
hketians, Turks, Kurds, Khemshils, Greeks, Bulgarians, Armenians) were never made public in Stalin-
s lifetime. (I have been interested in the fates of those who were murdered but whose stories have
not been told eg the gypsies under Hitler. In the case of the 5000 or so child victims of Hitlers eugen-
ics program the hospital administrations & their staffs of doctors & nurses responsible remained intact
in2 the post war period but their codes of silence (joined by guilt) were never broken.) (31/8/03. Its al-
so worth remembering here th@ professor Spanner, assistant professor Volman & their associates @
the Danzig Anatomical Medical Institute were never prosecuted 4 making soap & leather products fro-
m the corpses of citizens of the USSR, poland & other countries killed in german concentration camp-
s)…

Wednesday 1/12/04. (21/5/05. from ‘30/11/04 – 9/11/04’) Port Germein, SA (5.35 pm Melbourn time).
Just kum bak from th nd of the pier – it lwayz duz me good. Drove 200 metrs → pub 2 x a stubby of
Coopers Sparkling & m bak @ th 4shor rzrv 2 drink it & write th ntry. Danyo rzrv (8.30am) → (ded Bl-
ue Bonnet prrot (Northiella haematogaster) on road) → Pinnaroo (ptrl) → (pair of ded Red-rumped
prrots (Psephotus haematonotus) ; got out 2 xamn a kestrl karkss (Falco cenchroides) whch ddnt
hav a feathr out of place) → Loxton (strong (dubl shot) latté @ $3 & read th ppr; mssge from K8 2 say
sh found sum1 hoo kan send piks of ozzie trees → COaZdZrOiLaInNaI in Menton in la belle france az
rquestd but haznt found ny1 wth a thentk BOOMRANG (25/12 since then H haz passd Adrianas rqu-
est → gallry spcializn in koori (still pltkly krrkt?) rt) 4 her) → Waikerie (bght 2 mngoz, 4 tm@oes, vka-
do, red unyn, 3 kookd chikn wngs; ferry † th Murray) → Wirrabara (steak & pppr pie wth koffee) →
Port Germein …. Lay in th van & read Cons ssay O Michael Moores film ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’. No1 haz
takn th film mor sriously or watchd it mor @10tvly. Con h8s Moore (“yellow by nature person”;
“Moore is the ‘maggot that eats off the dead’”), luvs Andrew Bolts “bold and probing pen”,
h8s “ugly-faced Feminism” & “necrophilous Pacifism”, & blievs Bush iz a truthsayr. I sppose if
Michael wer 2 meet Con (“Former Director of SBS TV”) he mghtnt like him eithr. & yet they share th
same ‫ ٱ‬- they hav George in kommn. W knstrukt dwellngs out of words then w uze thm az 4trsss
from whch 2 @ak each uthr. Xcpt th@ since th words r learnt x praktis & nkoded in our
neurlgy & hence in our ntire body & thrgh our senses in our sOns w r thoz dwellngs & w r all
joind so whn 1 iz set alight w burn 2gthr. I like th most basik words like ‘YES’ & ‘NO’ (28/5/05.
GOOD & EVIL r th x10shnz)(poltitians rarely uze em) O hooz meann w kanot dsgree (25/12. though
Bill Clinton 1ce klaimd : “It depends on what you mean by ‘yes’” (28/12. or woz it ‘sex’?)) & hooz
shared wnrshp nsures th@ az w DSTROY each uthr w DSTR-OY ourslvz …. Rang H on th mobile.
Sh sez th twittrn whstln soundz wv bn hearn thrgh th bdrm wnd-ow (Ivanhoe) r flyin foxs (25/12. Grey-
headed (Pteropus poliocephalus)). Danz cn thm. They must b feedn on th blossms of th lemn scntd
gum (Eucalyptus citriodora). Dans O 2 start plastrn hiz bdrm b4 paintn it. Very1 iz fine. Im goin 2
get nuthr 2 stubbies & on 2 me spot 4 th nght. Glanced @ Cons uthr ssay whr he sez th nmy r lready
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mung us & note he haz takn 2 boldn certain phrazes & sntnces. Rekon hez got th@ from me az he
gets me writin…. Nglktd 2 mntion thr r 3 solr powrd lektrk lghts @ ntrvls → th pier. It means th
pleasure of walkn → ovr th ocean → a dark mystrious nght haz bn tak-n way. 8.55pm. …………
Wednesday 8/12/04. Rang H. Therz 32mls in th rain gage. Dans lmost fni-shd paintn th room. He
took a break 2day az he woz doin a karstn. Pparntly hez goin 2 Milan in janry (28/12. put off till aprl
(25/5/05. put off til june)) 4 a fashn show & hez wantd 4 a TV kmrcial @ th sa-me time here. K8 sez
shz shiftn out on th weeknd. I sed Id b home on fridy 4 our sual nght out. I m in Port Germein havn
dcided → home ftr hearn on th radio this rvo th@ th low whch haz bn th korz of th lmost gale4ce
winds iz prdktd 2 b ovr th Eyre pnnsla x th weeknd & then nuthr low iz kummn in ← th west. 4 me th
pnnsla iz O beachz & theez rnt th wthr kndtions 4 thm. I heard th 4kast @ O 1.00 whn I woz lyin down
4 a siesta ftr a snak. In th mornn I →d sth from Fishermans Point. In Port Lincoln I bght a piece of frsh
fl@head from th shop on th main wtrfrunt strip & it woz dlcious. Then I read th ppr in a kafé whr a dubl
shot mug of latté kost $3.20. Then I drove → Tumby Bay whr I bght a smokd snook & 2 stubbies of
Coopers 4 wht I now think of az th klassk meal litho style. I 8 it sittn in th van wth th slid-in door opn
facin out of th wind on th splanade ndr a norfolk pine. O 20 cgulls & 1 pcifk (2/1. whn I woz jung they
uzed 2 b komn on Melbourne beechz) gull kleand up wht woz left ovr. Ktually th pcifk gull took mor
than th kmbined cgulls az it woz much mor grssv, iz O x3 bigr, & haz a wikd hook on th nd of its beak
whch th uthr gulls make sure not 2 get 2 near 2. Its a beautful bird but. I had ntndd 2 spend th nght in
th Tumby Bay ‫ ٱ‬but since Im neithr readn nor writin sriously thr wuz 0 els 4 me 2 do thr in th wthr
kndtions so I dcided → here. Thgh I rekn my writin daze r ovr (25/5/05. hmmm!)I want 2 komnt on th
buddhist klaim th@ th tangibl O iz an llusion. Th word llusion prsppozes a tangibl O az th reazn w
4ge th word iz 2 make a dstnktion btween solid bjekts & mit8ns whch mght b knfuz-ed wth em
eg. mrages, rflktions etc etc. 2 say th@ th tangibl O iz an llusion iz 2 deny th O of bjekts wth a
word hooz 4m8ion prsppozez their xistance. Its a nonsens 2 do it yet th klaim iz 1 of th main
found8ions of all buddhst metafyzkl systms. Its this kind of msuse of lnguage whch makes rlg-ion
(29/12. esp th@ of th thlogians), krstian or uthrwize, nkomprhnsbl 2 me. Wittgenstein sez rlgious
lnguage iz uzed dffrntly & its poplar 4 thlogians 2 make a mythos/logos dstnktion. But th ppl hoo bl-
iev rlgious lnguage kcept it prcisely koz they think it iz of this tangibl O. But 4 many of us (2/1.
az 4 me I do not kcept kontrdktionl nonsens evn from mrakl workrs (3/1. 4 what wood then b th value
of lnguage?) & nlike abraham or Kierkegaard wood rfuze an rdr 2 murdr thgh givn x god hmslf (& wo-
od rjekt hiz thority)) its hard 2 kcept nonsens nless thoz hoo say it kan lso do MIRAKLS like nst-
ntly healn th sik or levit8ion or raizn th ded. Such events kood b part of our tangibl daily life &
if u kan bliev in thm u kan bliev in nythn. Th gr8 rlgious teachrs needd lso 2 b MIRAKL workrs
if what they sed woz 2 b mor blievbl (authort@v) than what u or I say. Good-nght.

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