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net/ A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

COMEDY TONIGHT PSEUDOLUS Something familiar, Something pec liar, Something for e!er"one# $ come%" tonight& Something appealing, Something appalling, Something for e!er"one# $ come%" tonight& Nothing 'ith (ing), nothing 'ith cro'n)* +ring on the lo!er), liar) an% clo'n)& Ol% )it ation), Ne' complication), Nothing portento ) or polite* Trage%" tomorro', Come%" tonight& Something con! l)i!e, Something rep l)i!e, Something for e!er"one# $ come%" tonight& Something ae)thetic, Something frenetic, Something for e!er"one# $ come%" tonight& Nothing 'ith go%), nothing 'ith fate* ,eight" affair) 'ill - )t ha!e to 'ait& Nothing that.) formal, Nothing that.) normal, No recitation) to recite* Open p the c rtain# Come%" Tonight& Something erratic, Something %ramatic, Something for e!er"one# $ come%" tonight& /ren0" an% frolic,

Strictl" )"m1olic, Something for e!er"one# $ come%" tonight& ENTI2E COMP$NY Something familiar, Something pec liar, Something for e!er"1o%"# Come%" tonight& Something that.) ga %", Something that.) 1a'%"33 PSEUDOLUS Something for e!er"1a'%"& ENTI2E COMP$NY Come%" tonight& MILES GLO2IOSUS Nothing that.) grim4 DOMIN$ Nothing that.) Gree(4 PSEUDOLUS 5In%icating DOMIN$6# She pla") Me%ea later thi) 'ee(4 ,OMEN St nning ) rpri)e)& MEN C nning %i)g i)e)& $LL H n%re%) of actor) o t of )ight& E22ONIUS Pantaloon) an% t nic)& SENE7 Co rte)an) an% e n ch)& HE2O / neral) an% cha)e)& LYCUS +aritone) an% 1a))e)& PHILI$ Pan%erer)& HE2O Philan%erer)& HYSTE2IUM C pi%it"& MILES Timi%it"&

LYCUS Mi)ta(e)& E22ONIUS /a(e)& DOMIN$ 2h"me)& PHILI$ Crime)& PSEUDOLUS T m1ler)& Gr m1ler)& + m1ler)& / m1ler)& $LL No ro"al c r)e, no Tro-an hor)e, $n% a happ" en%ing, of co r)e& Goo%ne)) an% 1a%ne)), Panic i) ma%ne))33 Thi) time it all t rn) o t all right& Trage%" tomorro', Come%" tonight&

LO8E, I HE$2

HE2O No' that 'e.re alone, ma" I tell "o # I.!e 1een feeling !er" )trange4 Either )omething.) in the air, or el)e a change I) happening in me4 I thin( I (no' the ca )e33 I.m ) re I (no' the ca )e33 /rom e!er"thing I.!e hear%, there.) onl" one ca )e it can 1e4 Lo!e, I hear, ma(e) "o )igh a lot, $l)o, lo!e, I hear, ma(e) "o 'ea(4 Lo!e, I hear, ma(e) "o 1l )h an% t rn) "o a)hen, Yo tr" to )pea( 'ith pa))ion $n% )9 ea(, I hear4 Lo!e, the" )a", Ma(e) "o pine a'a", + t "o pine a'a" 'ith an i%iotic grin4 I pine, I 1l )h, I )9 ea(, I )9 a'(, To%a" I 'o(e too 'ea( to 'al(4 ,hat.) lo!e, I hear, I feel, I fear I.m in4 $hh444 See 'hat I mean: Da %a %a %a %a %a % m444

I h m a lot too4 I.m %a0e% I.m pale, I.m )ic(, I.m )ore, I.!e ne!er felt )o 'ell 1efore& ,hat.) lo!e, I hear, I feel, I fear, I (no' I am33 I.m ) re33I mean33 I hope33I tr )t33 I pra" I m )t +e in& /orgi!e me if I )ho t, /orgi!e me if I cro'4 I.!e onl" - )t fo n% o t, $n%33'ell, I tho ght "o o ght to (no'4

/2EE

PSEUDOLUS Oh, 'hat a 'or%& Oh, 'hat a 'or%& Sa" it again4 HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS I often tho ght, I often %reame% ho' it 'o l% 1e33 $n% "et I ne!er tho ght I.% 1e33 Once again4 HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS + t 'hen "o come to thin( of ) ch thing), $ man )ho l% ha!e the right) that all other)33 Can "o imagine 'hat it 'ill 1e li(e 'hen I am33 Can "o )ee me: Can "o )ee me a) a 2oman 'ith m" hea% n1o'e%: Sing it goo% an% lo %& HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS Li(e a 2oman ha!ing right) an% li(e a 2oman pro %: Can "o )ee me: HE2O I can )ee "o 4 PSEUDOLUS Can "o )ee me, a reformer fighting graft an% !ice: Sing it )oft an% nice& HE2O

/ree& PSEUDOLUS ,h", I.ll 1e )o con)ciencio ) that I ma" !ote t'ice& Can "o )ee me: Can "o )ee me: ,hen I.m free to 1e 'hate!er I 'ant to 1e, Thin( 'hat 'on%er) I.ll accompli)h then& ,hen the ma)ter that I )er!e i) me an% - )t me33 Can "o )ee me 1eing e9 al 'ith m" co ntr"men: Can "o )ee me 1eing P)e %ol ) the citi0en: Can "o )ee me 1eing33gi!e it to me once again33 HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS Ye)& HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS That.) it& HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS No', not )o fa)t& I %i%n.t thin(33 The 'a" I am, I ha!e a roof, three meal) a %a", $n% I %on.t ha!e to pa" a thing4 I.m - )t a )la!e an% e!er"thing.) free4 If I 'ere free, then nothing 'o l% 1e free& $n% if I.m 1eaten no' an% then, 'hat %oe) it matter: HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS Can "o )ee me: Can "o )ee me a) a poet 'riting poetr": $ll m" !er)e 'ill 1e33 HE2O /ree4 PSEUDOLUS $ m )e m 'ill ha!e me pic(le% for po)terit"4 Can "o )ee me: HE2O I can )ee "o 4 PSEUDOLUS Can "o )ee me a) a lo!er, one of great reno'n: ,omen falling %o'n33

HE2O /ree: PSEUDOLUS No4 + t I.ll 1 " the ho )e of L"c ) for m" ho )e in to'n4 Can "o )ee me: Can "o )ee me: +e "o an"thing from (ing to 1a(er of ca(e), Yo .re a !egeta1le nle)) "o .re free4 S ch a little 'or%, 1 t oh, the %ifference it ma(e)& It.) the nece))ar" e))ence of %emocrac", It.) the thing that e!er" )la!e )ho l% ha!e the right to 1e, $n% I )oon 'ill ha!e the right to 1 " a )la!e for me4 Can "o )ee him: ,ell, I.ll free him& ,hen a P)e %ol ) can mo!e, the ni!er)e )ha(e), + t I.ll ne!er mo!e ntil I.m free4 S ch a little 'or%, 1 t oh, the %ifference it ma(e)& I.ll 1e P)e %ol ), the fo n%er of a famil", I.ll 1e P)e %ol ), the pillar of )ociet", I.ll 1e P)e %ol ) the man, if I can onl" 1e33 HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS Sing it& HE2O /ree& PSEUDOLUS Spell it& HE2O /3r3 %o 1le33 PSEUDOLUS No, the long 'a"& HE2O /3r3e3e& PSEUDOLUS $ND HE2O /ree&

LO8ELY

PHILI$ I.m lo!el", $ll I am i) lo!el"4 Lo!el" i) the one thing I can %o4 ,in)ome, ,hat I am i) 'in)ome,

2a%iant a) in )ome Dream come tr e4 Oh, I)n.t it a )hame: I can neither )e' Nor coo( nor rea% or 'rite m" name4 + t I.m happ" Merel" 1eing lo!el", /or it.) one thing I can gi!e to "o 4 HE2O Yo .re lo!el", $1)ol tel" lo!el"4 ,ho.% 1elie!e the lo!eline)) of "o : ,in)ome, S'eet an% 'arm an% 'in)ome, 2a%iant a) in )ome Dream come tr e4 No' 8en ) 'o l% )eem tame, Helen an% her tho 33 San% )hip) 'o l% ha!e to %ie of )hame4 HE2O ; PHILI$ $n% I.m happ", Happ" that "o .re<I.m lo!el", /or there.) one thing lo!eline)) can %o It.) a gift for me to )hare 'ith "o &

P2ETTY LITTLE PICTU2E

PSEUDOLUS In the Ti1er there )it) a 1oat, Gentl" %ipping it) 1o', Trim an% ti%" an% 1 ilt to float4 Prett" little pict re: No'# P t a 1o" on the )tar1oar% )i%e, Leaning o t of the rail4 Ne=t to him p t a 1l )hing 1ri%e, Slim an% )len%er an% )tarr"3e"e%, Do'n 1elo' p t a tin" 1e%4 The ) n get) pale, The )ea get) re%, $n% off the" )ail On the fir)t high ti%e# The 1oat an% the 1e% an% the 1o" an% the 1ri%e4 It.) a prett" little pict re, oh m"& Prett" little pict re, ho' tr e& Prett" little pict re, 'hich I, P)e %ol3i%%le3 ), gi!e to "o & /eel the roll of the pla"f l 'a!e), See the )ail) a) the" )'ell, Hear the 'hip) on the galle"3)la!e)4 PSEUDOLUS, HE2O ; PHILI$ Prett" little pict re:

PSEUDOLUS ,ell# Let it carr" "o r care) a'a", O t of )ight, o t of min%, Pa)t the 1 o" an% thro gh the 1a", Soon there.) nothing 1 t )ea an% )pra"4 Night %e)cen%) an% the moon.) aglo'33 Yo r arm) ent'ine%, Yo )teal 1elo', $n% far 1ehin%, $t the e%ge of %a", The 1ong of the 1ell of the 1 o" in the 1a", $n% the 1o" an% the 1ri%e an% the 1oat are a'a"4 HE2O ; PHILI$ It.) a prett" little pict re to )hare $) o r little 1oat )ail) to )ea4 PSEUDOLUS Ta(e "o r little trip free a) air33 Ha!e a little free%om on me& HE2O ; PHILI$ No 'orrie), no 1other), No captain), no father)444 PSEUDOLUS In the ocean an i)lan% 'ait), Smooth an% )an%" an% pin(, /ille% 'ith lemon) an% n t) an% %ate)4 PSEUDOLUS, HE2O ; PHILI$ Prett" little pict re: PSEUDOLUS Thin(# In a cottage of c"pre)) tree), Sea)hell) %otting the %oor, +o" an% 1ri%e li!e a life of ea)e33 PSEUDOLUS, HE2O ; PHILI$ Doing nothing 1 t 'hat the" plea)e4 PSEUDOLUS $n% e!er" night 'hen the )tar) appear, There.) nothing more To )ee an% hear, > )t the )hore ,here the lo!er) lie33 HE2O ; PHILI$ The )an% an% the )ea an% the )tar) an% the )("33 PSEUDOLUS $n% the )o n% of a )oft little )ati)fie% )igh4 PSEUDOLUS, HE2O ; PHILI$ $ll "o r<o r pett" little pro1lem) 'ill cea)e, $n% "o r<o r little 1le))ing) 'ill flo',

$n% "o r<o r little famil" increa)e33 Prett" little pict re: PSEUDOLUS No, no& PSEUDOLUS, HE2O ; PHILI$ Prett" little ma)terpiece& Prett" little pict re444

E8E2Y+ODY OUGHT TO H$8E $ M$ID

SENE7 E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a 'or(ing girl, E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a l r(ing girl To p tter aro n% the ho )e4 E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a menial Con)i)tantl" congenial $n% 9 ieter than a mo )e4 Oh, oh, 'o l%n.t )he 1e %elicio ), Ti%"ing p the %i)he), Neat a) a pin4 Oh, oh, 'o l%n.t )he 1e %elightf l, S'eeping o t, Sleeping in4 E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, Someone 'ho "o hire 'hen "o .re )hort of help To offer "o the )ort of help Yo ne!er get from a )po )e# /l ttering p the )tair'a", Sh ttering p the 'in%o'), Cl ttering p the 1e%room, + ttering p the ma)ter, P ttering all aro n% the ho )e& Oh, oh, 'o l%n.t )he 1e %elicio ), Ti%"ing p the %i)he), Neat a) a pin4 Oh, oh, 'o l%n.t )he 1e %elightf l, S'eeping o t, Sleeping in4 E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, Someone 'ho in fetching "o "o r )lipper 'ill +e 'in)ome a) a 'hippor'ill $n% gracef l a) a gro )e# S(ittering %o'n the hall'a", /littering thro gh the parlor, Tittering in the pantr", Littering p the 1e%room33 SENE7 ; PSEUDOLUS T'ittering all aro n% the ho )e&

HYSTE2IUM $ mai%: SENE7 $ mai%4 PSEUDOLUS $ mai%4 $LL $ mai%& E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a )er!ing3girl, $ lo"al an% n)'er!ing girl, To p tter aro n% the ho )e4 Oh, oh, HYSTE2IUM Thin( of her at the % )t1in, .Speciall" 'hen )he.) - )t 1een Traip)ing a1o t4 $LL Oh, oh, 'o l%n.t )he 1e %elightf l, HYSTE2IUM Li!ing in, SENE7 Gi!ing o t4 $LL E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, Daintil" collecting 1it) of paper n. )tring), $ppealing in her apron )tring) $n% gracef l a) a gro )e4 HYSTE2IUM Pattering thro gh the attic, SENE7 Chattering in the cellar, PSEUDOLUS Clattering in the (itchen, SENE7 /lattering in the 1e%room, $LL P ttering all aro n% the ho )e& The ho )e& The ho )e& LYCUS $ mai%: HYSTE2IUM $ mai%4

PSEUDOLUS $ mai%4 SENE7 $ mai%& $LL E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, Someone 'ho.) efficient an% relia1le, O1e%ient an% plia1le, $n% 9 ieter than a mo )e& Oh, oh, 'o l%n.t )he 1e )o nim1le, /i%%ling 'ith her thim1le, Men%ing her go'n4 Oh, oh, 'o l%n.t )he 1e %elightf l, LYCUS Cleaning p, SENE7 Leaning %o'n4 $LL E!er"1o%" o ght to ha!e a mai%, Someone 'ho.ll 1e 1 )" a) a 1 m1le1ee $n% e!en if "o gr m1le, 1e $) gracef l a) a gro )e4 LYCUS ,riggling in the anteroom, HYSTE2IUM >iggling in the %ining room, PSEUDOLUS Giggling in the li!ing room, SENE7 ,iggling in the other room), $LL P ttering all aro n% the ho )e& The ho )e& The ho )e& The ho )e&

I.M C$LM

HYSTE2IUM I.m calm, I.m calm, I.m perfectl" calm, I.m tterl" n%er control4 I ha!en.t a 'orr"# ,here other) 'o l% h rr" I )troll4 I.m calm,

I.m cool, $ gi11ering fool I) )omething I ne!er 1ecome4 ,hen th n%er i) r m1ling $n% other) are cr m1ling, I h m4 Hm33hmmm33hmmmmm&&&&& HMMMMM&&&& H3M3M3M&&&& I m )t thin( calm comforting thing), + tterfl" 'ing), Emeral% ring), Or a m rm ring 1roo(, M rm ring, m rm ring, m rm ring444loo(, I.m calm, I.m calm, I ha!en.t a 9 alm, I.m tterl" n%er control4 Let nothing conf )e me Or fa0e me33 5"a'n6 33 E=c )e me4 I.m calm4 Oh )o calm4 Oh )o33 PSEUDOLUS ?off)tage@# H")teri m& HYSTE2IUM I.m calm, I.m calm, I.m perfectl" calm, In%ifferent to ten)ion) an% )hoc()4 Unr ffle% an% rea%", M" ner!e) are a) )tea%" $) roc()4 I.m calm, controlle%, So cool that I.m col%, $loofer than an" giraffe4 ,hen )omething.) the matter, ,here other) 'o l% )hatter I la gh4 5La gh) h")tericall"6 I m )t 1reathe %eep, e!er )o %eep, Thin( a1o t )heep Going to )leep, Stop an% co nt p to ten, A3B3C3D3E3F3G3H3I444'hen Yo nee% aplom1 $n% 'ant to 1e calm .Ca )e life i) a horri1le %ream, > )t co nt p to ten 8er" )lo'l", an% then33 PSEUDOLUS ?off)tage@# H")teri m& HYSTE2IUM ?)cream)@

IMPOSSI+LE

SENE7 ,h" %i% he loo( at her that 'a": HE2O ,h" %i% he loo( at her that 'a": SENE7 ; HE2O M )t 1e m" imagination4 SENE7 She.) a lo!el" 1looming flo'er, he.) - )t a )pro t33 Impo))i1le& HE2O She.) a lo!el" 1looming flo'er, he.) all 'orn o t33 Impo))i1le& SENE7 > )t a fle%geling in the ne)t444 HE2O > )t a man 'ho nee%) a re)t444 SENE7 He.) a 1eami)h 1o" at 1e)t4 HE2O Poor ol% fello'& SENE7 He.) a chil%, an% lo!e.) a te)t he.) too "o ng to pa))33 Impa))i1le& HE2O He ha) a)thma, go t, a 'ife, l m1ago an% ga)33 Ira)ci1le& SENE7 2omping in the n r)er"444 HE2O He loo() tire%444 SENE7 Son, )it on "o r father.) (nee4 HE2O /ather, "o can lean on me4 SENE7 ; HE2O Him: I.m3 Po))i1le& HE2O + t 'h" %i% )he 'a!e at him that 'a":

SENE7 ,h" %i% )he 'a!e at him that 'a": SENE7 ; HE2O Co l% there 1e an e=planation: HE2O ,omen often 'ant a father, )he ma" 'ant mine33 It.) po))i1le& SENE7 He.) a han%)ome la% of t'ent", I.m444thirt"3nine33 It.) po))i1le& HE2O Ol%er men (no' )o m ch more444 SENE7 In a 'a", I.m fort"3fo r444 HE2O Ne=t to him, I.% )eem a 1ore4 SENE7 $ll right, fift"& HE2O Then again, he i) m" father* I o ght to tr )t33 Impo))i1le& SENE7 Then again, 'ith lo!e at m" age, )ometime) it.) - )t Impo))i1le& HE2O ,ith a girl I.m ill at ea)e444 SENE7 I %on.t feel 'ell444 HE2O Sir, a1o t tho)e 1ir%) an% 1ee)33 SENE7 Son, a gla)) of 'ater, plea)e4 SENE7 ; HE2O The )it ation.) fra ght, /ra ghter than I tho ght, ,ith horri1le, impo))i1le, po))i1ilitie)&

+2ING ME MY +2IDE

SOLDIE2S One, t'o& One, t'o& MILES ,e not onl" fo ght, 1 t 'e 'on, too& SOLDIE2S One, t'o& One, t'o& Left, right& Left, right& MILES There.) none of the enem" left, right: SOLDIE2S 2ight& Left444right444right: Left: MILES Halt& PSEUDOLUS Hail, Mile) Glorio) )4 ,elcome to 2ome4 Yo r 1ri%e a'ait) "o 4 MILES M" 1ri%e444 M" 1ri%e& M" 1ri%e& I.!e come to claim m" 1ri%e, Come ten%erl" to cr )h her again)t m" )i%e4 Let ha)te 1e ma%e& I cannot 1e %ela"e%# There are lan%) to con9 er, citie) to loot an% people) to %egra%e4 SOLDIE2S Loo( at tho)e arm)& Loo( at that che)t& Loo( at them& MILES Not to mention the re)t4 E!en I am impre))e%& M" 1ri%e& M" 1ri%e& Come, 1ring to me m" 1ri%e4 M" l )t for her no longer can 1e %enie%4 Con!e" the ne')& I ha!e no time to lo)e# There are to'n) to pl n%er, temple) to 1 rn an% 'omen to a1 )e4 SOLDIE2S Loo( at that foot& Loo( at that heel& Mar( the magnificent m )cle) of )teel& MILES I am m" i%eal& I, Mile) Glorio) ), I, )la ghterer of tho )an%), I, oppre))or of the mee(,

S 1% er of the 'ea(, Degra%er of the Gree(, De)tro"er of the T r(, M )t h rr" 1ac( to 'or(4 MILES ; 2OM$NS# I<he, Mile) Glorio) ), SOLDIE2S $ man among men& MILES ; 2OM$NS# I<he, paragon of !irt e, SOLDIE2S ,ith )'or% an% 'ith pen& MILES I, in 'ar the mo)t a%mire%, In 'it the mo)t in)pire%, In lo!e the mo)t %e)ire%, In %re)) the 1e)t %i)pla"e%33 I am a para%e& SOLDIE2S Loo( at tho)e e"e), c nning an% (een, Loo( at the )i0e of tho)e thigh), li(e a might" machine& PSEUDOLUS Tho)e are the mightie)t thigh) that I e!er ha!e theen& I mean444 MILES M" 1ri%e& M" 1ri%e& Inform m" l c(" 1ri%e# The fa1le% arm) of Mile) are open 'i%e4 Ma(e ha)te& Ma(e ha)te& I ha!e no time to 'a)te# There are )hrine) I )ho l% 1e )ac(ing, 2i1) I )ho l% 1e crac(ing, E"e) to go ge an% 1oot" to %i!i%e4 +ring me m" 1ri%e&

TH$T DI2TY OLD M$N

DOMIN$ /or o!er thirt" "ear) I.!e crie% m")elf to )leep, $))aile% 1" %o 1t) an% fear) So great the go%) them)el!e) 'o l% 'eep4 The moment I am gone, I 'on%er 'here he.ll go4

In all "o r )imple hon3 E)t", "o can.t 1egin to (no'4 Ohhhhh, ohhhhh, ahhhhh444 I 'ant him, I nee% him, ,here i) he: That %irt" ol% man, he.) here )ome'here, Ca!orting 'ith )omeone "o ng an% fair, Di)porting in e!er" )hamele)) 'him4 > )t 'ait till I get m" han%) on him& I.ll hol% him, Enfol% him, ,here i) he: That %irt" ol% man, 'here can he 1e, Profaning m" ho )e for all to )ee, Complaining that he.) mi) n%er)too%, $1 )ing me33if he onl" 'o l%& Oh lo!e, )'eet lo!e, 'h" hi%e: Yo !ermin, "o 'orm, "o !illain& Confe)) an% pre)) "o r 1ri%e4 ,here!er he i), I (no' he.) )till an $ngel, M" angel, ,here i) he: That %irt" ol% man %i!ine& I loathe him, I lo!e him, That lechero ), le'%, laci!io ), loath)ome, l"ing, la0" Dirt" ol% man of mine&

TH$T.LL SHO, HIM

PHILI$ Let the Captain 'e% me an% 'oo me, I 'ill pla" m" part4 Let him ma(e hi) ma% pa))ion to me, Yo 'ill ha!e m" heart4 He can ha!e the 1o%" he pai% for, Nothing 1 t the 1o%" he pai% for4 ,hen he ha) the 1o%" he pai% for, O r re!enge 'ill )tart& ,hen I (i)) him, I.ll 1e (i))ing "o 4 So I.ll (i)) him morning an% night33 That.ll )ho' him& ,hen I hol% him, I.ll 1e hol%ing "o 4 So I.ll hol% him ten time) a) tight33 That.ll )ho' him too& I )hall coo $n% ten%erl" )tro(e hi) hair, ,i)h that "o ,ere there4 Yo .% en-o" it&

,hen it.) e!ening, an% 'e.re in o r tent for t'o, I.ll )it on hi) (nee, Get to (no' him Intimatel", That.ll )ho' him Ho' m ch I reall" lo!e "o &

LO8ELY ?2EP2ISE@

PSEUDOLUS Yo .re lo!el", $1)ol tel" lo!el"4 ,ho.% 1elie!e the lo!eline)) of "o : Perfect, S'eet an% 'arm an% 'in)ome, 2a%iant a) in )ome Dream come tr e4 No' 8en ) 'o l% )eem tame, Helen an% her tho 3 San% )hip) 'o l% ha!e to %ie of )hame4 Yo .re )o lo!el", /righteningl" lo!el", That the 'orl% 'ill ne!er )eem the )ame4

/UNE2$L SEJUENCE

MILES So n% the fl te, +lo' the horn, Pl c( the l te, /or'ar%, mo rn& MOU2NE2S $hh444ahhh444ahhhh444 MILES $h& MOU2NE2S $h& MILES $ll Crete 'a) at her feet, $ll Thrace 'a) in her thrall, $ll Sparta lo!e% her )'eetne)), an% Ga l33 PSEUDOLUS $n% Spain33 MILES $n% Greece33

PSEUDOLUS $n% Eg"pt33 MILES $n% S"ria33 PSEUDOLUS $n% Me)opotamia33 MOU2NE2S $ll Crete 'a) at her feet, $ll Thrace 'a) in her thrall, Oh, 'h" )ho l% ) ch a 1lo))om fall: MILES Spea( the )pell), Str m the l"re, Toll the 1ell), Light the p"re4 MOU2NE2S $hh444ahhh444ahhhh444 MILES $ll Crete 'a) at her feet, + t I )hall 'eep no more4 I.ll fin% m" con)olation a) 1efore, $mong the )imple plea) re) of 'ar&

/IN$LE

PSEUDOLUS Lo!er) %i!i%e% Get co3inci%e%4 Something for e!er"one33 HE2O ; PHILI$ $ come%" tonight& PSEUDOLUS /ather an% mother Get one another4 DOMIN$ Something for e!er"one33 SENE7 $ trage%" tonight& MILES I get the t'in), the" get the 1e)t4 E22ONIUS I get a famil"4 HYSTE2IUM

I get a re)t4 SOLDIE2S ,e get a fe' girl)4 LYCUS I get )ome ne' girl)4 PSEUDOLUS I get the thing I 'ant to 1e# /ree& $LL /ree& /ree& /ree& /ree& /ree& Nothing for (ing), nothing for cro'n)4 +ring on the lo!er), liar) an% clo'n)& ,hat i) the moral: M )t 1e a moral4 Here i) the moral, 'rong or right# PSEUDOLUS Moral) tomorro'& $LL Come%", come%", come%", come%", Come%", come%", come%", come%" tonight&