Anna, Mister God, and the Black Knight

From the author of the two million copy bestseller Mister God, This Is Anna

In 1974, the enchanting, true story of Anna, a runaway East ondon waif, rescued and !efriended !y a young "an na"ed #ynn, da$$led readers and critics alike with its whi"sical, ins%irational thoughts on friendshi%, lo&e, and God' (ow, in the delightfully illustrated Anna, Muter God, and the Black Knight, Anna is ten years old and a char"ing !lend of angel, i"%, and )ust %lain little girl' *ere she ca%ti&ates and co"forts #ynn+s cur"udgeonly old "ath %rofessor , the Black Knight , challenging his rationalistic world&iew with her worldly wise, yet )oyously faith-filled, outlook' .hrough Anna+s eyes readers reca%ture that s%ecial logic of childhood innocence and clarity that strikes so near to the truth' Praise for Mister God, This Is Anna: / ike "ost good things, [Mister God, This Is Anna] is dece%ti&ely si"%le' Insights steal their way into the reader+s "ind the sa"e way Anna steals into the reader+s heart'/ , Chicago Sun-Tuned

A((A, MI0.E1 G23, A(3 .*E B A4K K(IG*.

Other books a ailable b! the sa"e author MI0.E1 G23, .*I0 I0 A((A A((A+0 B22K

A((A MI0.E1 G23 A(3 .*E B A4K K(IG*.

The #ong-A$aited Co"%anion to
MISTER GOD, T IS IS !""!

#5((
Illustrations b! &a%as

Introduction
#ynn is, at heart, a teller of tales' Across the years I ha&e co"e to think of hi" "ore and "ore as a /sco%/ 6%ronounced, I think sho%7, who in Early English ti"es as a %oet or "instrel would arri&e in a &illage and i""ediately !e surrounded !y young and old !eseeching hi" to tell the" a story' .he tale could !e a slice of folk history or a fa!le' 2ften it would ha&e so"e "oral o&ertones' 2f these the %eo%le would not always !e aware' (either, for that "atter, would the sco%' In any e&ent we "ay !e sure that it would !e the tale and not the truth that held the s%ell' #ynn is a !orn raconteur8 he has a %assion to tell' But he also has an e9ual and !alancing %assion: the %assion to kno$' As this story clearly shows, fro" a &ery early age he yearned to know the way things were: how they worked, what was the cause, could it !e

other; And for hi" this s%irit of en9uiry, %articularly "athe"atics, !eca"e a way of life' But, !ecause he was ne&er incor%orated within the constraints of a %rofession at /school/, he was always /on the way/, off on an e<%edition to une<%lored territory, not following a %ilgri"age to a %redeter"ined end' *e was always o%en to, and constantly stu"!ling u%on, al"ost, it see"s !y accident, new "odes of knowledge and e<%erience' And thus the 9uality which "ost accurately re%resents hi" is the ca%acity to wonder8 to 9uestion, certainly, !ut at the sa"e ti"e to re&ere the world' And yet, strangely, in con&ersation, and in his tales, there are "any ti"es when he would gi&e the i"%ression of !eing totally unaware of the ele"ent of transcendence hidden in the s%ace !etween the words, as he s%eaks and writes a!out si"%le, ordinary things' It was this trait, in "y &iew, which "ade Mister God, This is Anna, his first !ook, such an i""ediate success with so "any different kinds of %eo%le in so "any different %laces' 4onditioned !y the "edia to ha&ing their i"agination nourished !y saga and story, they found a straightforward, and "o&ing tale which threw u% all sorts of other di"ensions as well' At so"e le&els Anna "et a not-wholly-articulated need for light on hu"an e<istence' .he story of Anna, Mister God, and the Black Knight was !eing li&ed, or /told/, at the sa"e ti"e as the story of Mister God, This is Anna( the Black Knight was there, !ut not in focus' In fact, one of the fascinating as%ects of this tale is the way that #ynn shows that there is an infinite set of hu"an stories inherent in a relati&ely s"all grou% of relationshi%s' Alter the focus, "o&e the centre, and see what ha%%ens' .here is a sort of relati&ity in hu"an relationshi%s which is !rought a!out !y changing %ers%ecti&es' (ow #ynn, "ay not for the "ost %art, ha&e to set out deli!erately to re&eal all these facets' .hey are %art of the story+s hidden /within/' *e does not regard his tasks as either to teach or to %reach and the reader "ust guard against treating this !ook as an allegory, looking for arcane "eanings in e&ery e%isode' *e is certainly not trying to score %oints for God at e&ery corner' 4ertainly there are "any se"inal ideas latent in the e<%eri"ents and the dialogue, !ut though the "ain the"e cele!rates,if that is the right word,the waning of one s%ecific way of looking at the world, "uch of the !ook is straightforward narrati&e' But is it true; It is true for #ynn' And it is as true as #ynn can "ake it' .he author of Oranges Are )ot the Onl! Kind o* +ruit, a .= series which centred on her strange, constricted, religious u%!ringing in a northern town, was asked how true the dra"a was' 0he re%lied that it was difficult to say, !ecause the "e"ory "ani%ulates fact and fiction and !lurs the distinction !etween the"' .his is true for all of us' If you dou!t it co"%are your "e"ory of an e%isode in your childhood with that of a si!ling> But it is %articularly true of story-tellers who, al!eit unconsciously, ha&e to garnish, dress, ela!orate, and work their tale into a %articular /for"/' .he Gos%el writers were no e<ce%tion' *owe&er, #ynn is reaching !ack o&er al"ost fifty years, and through the condensing lens of his s%ecific interests and %ersonal concerns' ?ho could guarantee to re"e"!er accurately at that distance %recisely who said what and where, and whether so"e la%idary truth %ut into the "outh of a character, is not a sentence read so"ewhere in the re"ote %ast, !ut registered then and re"e"!ered; @ndou!tedly Anna and .he Black Knight $ere once on a day' But they are here recalled !y #ynn in his way' 2thers would tell a different tale' In any case, what is truth; Ailate asked the 9uestion long ago !ut, fearing the onslought of a series of %hiloso%hical a!stractions, had the sense not to wait for a re%ly' Kierkegaard, faced with the sa"e 9uestion, answered, /It is that which enno!les/' A

friend of "ine, whilst discussing the a"!iguity of all "oral action, once asked #ather 1onald Kno< /*ow then do we know truth;/ Kno< thought for a long ti"e, then said, /.ruth ''' is that which "akes you a !etter "an/' (ow read on' =E1(2( 0A12B.2(

Anna and Black Knight

the

Growing u% in our little street "eant only one thing - getting to the to% of the railway wall' A red !rick wall nearly ten feet high' Getting to the to% of that wall was one thing all the !oys wanted to do' It was then that you were grown u%' Grown u% enough to get a )o! and earn so"e "oney' Grown u% enough to stay out late and ha&e a girl friend of your own' It was al"ost like so"e sort of cere"ony, atte"%ting that wall' E&ery!ody watched you and groaned in sy"%athy when you failed, which was "ost likely, and cheered on those &ery few occasions when so"e!ody "anaged to get to the to% and sit astride the wall' .here were a nu"!er of ways to get to the to%, like swinging fro" the la"% %ost to the to%' It was not "ore than four or fi&e feet away' 5ou could also cli"! out of (or"an+s to% window' Any!ody could do that' 2f course, you could always /!orrow/ a ladder fro" the !uilder+s yard !ut that wasn+t growing u%, that was )ust %lain cheating' 2ur kind of growing u% was so"ething entirely different' It was si"%le really' 1un as fast as you could for a!out si<ty yards or so, )u"% as high as you could and ho%e that your s%eed and that last "ad scra"!le would take you to the to%' As there was nothing to hold on to until you reached the to% the ine&ita!le ha%%ened - you crashed to the ground> It was easy to see who had tried the wall that day - a !loody nose, a fresh !andage, a torn trouser' 0uch little things were re"inders for all to see' Getting to the to% of that wall was one thing I was deter"ined to do' I don+t know how "any ti"es I had failed' I ne&er ke%t count, !ut it was on such an occasion when I had landed with a crash fro" that wall that it ha%%ened' I know that "y nose was !leeding a !it, so I sniffed' Bleeding noses didn+t "atter at all, as Mu" so often said, it lets out the "ad !lood' ying on "y !ack I was aware of two %eo%le looking down at "e' I had no idea who the lady was, !ut there was no "istake a!out the "an' It was 2ld Cohn 3' *odge hi"self' 1 had heard a lot a!out 2ld Cohn 3' *e was one of the 0enior Masters at the %osh school,

!ut I had ne&er seen hi"' Many %eo%le had descri!ed hi" to "e and I didn+t like hi"' (ot one !it' *e was slightly hunch-!acked with a clu!-foot and a hareli% which he ke%t co&ered with a large !ushy !eard' .hat sounded !ad enough to "e, !ut I was told that he also carried around with hi" a length of !unsen !urner tu!ing, which he used instead of a cane and which he had no hesitation in using when things didn+t go to his liking, which fro" the sounds of things was often' .he tu!ing was called the /%ersuader/ !y e&ery!ody' *e was the stuff that night"ares were "ade of' ooking down at "e looking u% at the sky, he laughed at "e' *e didn+t reali$e how i"%ortant this wall was' (o!ody laughed at that' It was "uch too i"%ortant to laugh at''' I was going to ha&e another try at it, and so I did, !ut the result was )ust the sa"e' I failed and, as usual, ended u% a hea% on the floor' /2nly heroes ne&er say +(o+' (either do fools'/ *e was still there and s"iling down at "e' (o, I didn+t like hi"' (ot one little !it' I !et he couldn+t cli"! that wall either' I was a !it fed u% with that silent and 9ui$$ical look he ga&e "e when I failed with the wall, and that slow shake of his head annoyed "e' /2nly heroes ne&er say +(o+' (either do fools'/ I )ust wished he would go away and lea&e "e alone' D D D I was &ery sur%rised when the %ost"an handed "e that letter one "orning' .he one that said I had %assed "y e<a"inations with good "arks' I had got that scholarshi% and a s"all grant of "oney which was so i"%ortant to "e, and I could go to one of the %osh schools' I didn+t think that was going to ha%%en' It was the Maths %a%er that was the %ro!le"' .he first nineteen 9uestions were so easy that I ne&er !othered with the", !ut the last 9uestion was the one that interested "e "ost of all, so I tried it' I didn+t get &ery far with it' An hour+s work left "e a few %ages of notes and lots of scri!!le, !ut no answer to the %ro!le"' I was a little co"forted to !e told so"e "onths later that no!ody had e&er atte"%ted to answer that 9uestion !efore' 0o there I was' All %olished and dressed u% in "y nice new school unifor" )ust off to catch the !us' /Mu",/ I said, /what is the %oint of going to school to learn so"e "ore;/ /5ou+&e got to learn "ore,/ she re%lied, /to %rotect your self fro" what you already know/, which is one of those sayings that takes you "onths to understand, !ut Mu" always did ha&e a way of turning things u%side down' 0he had this odd way of %utting things that left "e standing on "y head' 0o it was that we all sat waiting for so"ething to ha%%en' I had "anaged to get the corner seat at the !ack of the classroo" and soon we heard so"eone li"%ing along the %assage' ?e all held our !reath as the door o%ened' .here he stood, e<actly as I had !een told: 2ld Cohn 3' *odge - our for"-"aster> /I will talk,/ he !egan, /and you will listen' Is that understood;/ ?e nodded' /I will teach and you will learn' 1ight;/ Again we nodded' /If any of you don+t want to learn there is always another way of going a!out it/, and he hit the desk with the /%ersuader/' /?ho arranged the order for you to sit in;/

#or the ne<t few "inutes we were all changing %laces until he was satisfied' I suddenly found "yself at the front of the class' 0o"e!ody was detailed to hand out e<ercise !ooks and we were told to write our na"e, for" and address of the school on the co&er of the e<ercise !ooks and, like so "any other %u%ils "ust ha&e done, "ine ended u% with: ondon England Euro%e ?orld 0olar syste" @ni&erse I was sorry that I had done that when he !egan to walk around the roo" looking at our efforts' I did try to co&er it u% with "y hand' And then his hand was under "y chin as he tilted "y head !ack' /?ell, well, young "an, you certainly know where you are' I wonder, are you as certain where you are going' Are you;/ /(o, sir/, I re%lied' Aerha%s it was at that "o"ent that so"ething ha%%ened' 0uddenly I was looking into the !luest eyes I had e&er seen' I tried to turn away !ut he held "y head tight' /5ou+re the one that likes to cli"! things, aren+t you;/ /5es, sir'/ /Ah, I think I can gi&e you %lenty of things to cli"!' Alenty> I can %ro"ise you that>/ D D D .he little street where I li&ed was a real rag-tag and !o!tail of a %lace' Most of "y friends li&ed here' .he tri%lets were a"ongst our !est friends and whene&er the kids were %laying in the street, it was %retty certain that if Bo"!o" the !lack goddess wasn+t looking after the", then I was' .he tri%lets were Millie+s younger sisters' .heir real na"es were Billie, eslie and Cose%hine, !ut no!ody e&er called the" that' ?e all called the" 1eady, ?illing and A!le' 0o"ething had ha%%ened to the"' .hey were strange' I su%%ose "odern "edicine would !e a!le to gi&e whate&er had ha%%ened to the" a na"e' In those days so"e %eo%le si"%ly called the" daft or soft in the head' Aerha%s now we "ight !e "ore kindly and call the" "entally handica%%ed' But if three kids could !e truly called angels, it was 1eady, ?illing and A!le' ?ithout a hus!and their "other struggled hard to !ring u% fi&e kids' .he little street was always &ery %rotecti&e, and it was no rare sight to see one or other of the wo"en !earing down on nu"!er 1E with so"e stea"ing left-o&ers fro" their own "eals' (one of the other kids were !eyond snitching the odd ca!!age, %otatoes or, if they were lucky, an a%%le or two fro" the Market' A4 aithwaite was 9uite aware of these acts of %ilfering and, under May+s leadershi%, "any of the stall holders in the "arket %lace were always studiously

looking so"ewhere else when the raiders were a!out' 0o all in all they didn+t do too !adly' After all, the alternati&e was the ?orkhouse and no!ody in their right "ind would wish that on any!ody, not e&en their worst ene"y' .hings like "oney for the rent"an, the coal"an and the gas "eter "ade things "ore difficult to deal with' Money was in &ery short su%%ly down our street' 2n &ery rare occasions so"e!ody had a few !o! to s%are and we all knew where that had to go' 0o far as Millie was concerned there was only one thing to do and she did it' 0he )oined the !ig house at the to% of the street with the other girls' ?e all knew why Millie was /on the ga"e/ as it was called, !ut to !egin with we had no idea why the rest of the" were at it and certainly no!ody was going to conde"n the"' 3anny and I had "ore fights o&er those girls than we e&er did for our own %leasure' ?e were like a cou%le of knights e&en though our ar"our was fairly rusty, !ut woe !etide any!ody who said anything a!out the girls' 2ne of us would say, /It+s "y turn, you thu"%ed the last one/' ?allo%' /.hat+s another one who won+t say that again'/ ?hen A4 aithwaite called on us with so"e co"%laint "ade at the local !y so"e "an who didn+t understand what the situation was, all he asked was, /*ow "any ti"es did you hit hi";/ /2nce, of course, why; ?ith this, of course/, said 3anny, holding u% his fist' /?hat else;/ /(othing, I su%%ose' Cust wondered' ?ell, don+t do it again then'/ /?on+t,/ said 3anny, /it+s #ynn+s turn ne<t'/ Both of us had s%ent a night in the lock-u%' (ot that we were really locked u%, !ecause 3anny had s%ent his ti"e %laying .wenty 2ne with the sergeant' I s%ent "ine reading .he Aolice Manual and drinking tea' ?e were !oth ho"e in ti"e for !reakfast' .his fact a!out Millie and the girls u% at the to% was so"ething that neither Cohn nor Ara!ella - the s%inster sister who li&ed with hi" - knew a!out and none of us was going to tell the"' E&entually it was A4 aithwaite who told the"' I+" sorry to say that they understood "uch !etter than the 1e&' 4astle did' May!e he was )ust too concentrated on souls, !ut he needn+t ha&e worried !ecause 3anny and I had fi<ed the" u% with a %lace to %ray in, and e&en though the =icar had said an altar was out of the 9uestion' ?ell, the flowers were /!y courtesy/ of the local %ark' D D D I don+t know when, or how, I ca"e to like Cohn 3' I ne&er thought I would, !ut it wasn+t all that long !efore I found it a real %leasure to !e with hi"' It could ha&e !een - %ossi!ly - that as "y father had died so long ago old Cohn was co"ing to !e i"%ortant to "e' ?hate&er the reason "ight !e, it always ga&e "e great %leasure !eing with hi", e&en though he always see"ed to !e ha&ing a dig at "e in one way or another' I know that I had ne&er "et anyone like hi" !efore' *e could hardly utter a sentence without !eing sarcastic, !ut his dry "anner of gi&ing a lesson was so"ething that e<cited "e' I )ust liked listening to hi"' E&en the dreaded /%ersuader/ didn+t !other "e' It didn+t hurt all that "uch, and after a "inute or two it was as if nothing had ha%%ened at all' I was )ust a!out to "ake "y way ho"e fro" school when he called "e o&er to his car and first introduced "e to his sister Ara!ella'

/2ne of your friends has )ust changed the tyre for "y sister/, he said' /I wonder who that was/, I !egan to say' /*is na"e was 3anny 0ulli&an'/ /Good old 3anny> *e+s "y fighting "ate'/ /0o,/ he continued, /you are the one they call #ynn, are you; I+&e heard a!out you' I understand you ha&e other things you like doing' 2ther than fighting and cli"!ing i"%ossi!le walls'/ I nodded' /And "ay one ask what else young #ynn likes doing;/ /Mathe"atics "ostly' I guess I like that "ost of all'/ /.he art of the "ind'/ /?hat;/, I asked' /I don+t understand that'/ /.he art of the "ind/, he said once again' /Mathe"atics'/ .hat idea was a new one on "e' /*a&e you "any !ooks on the su!)ect;/ he asked "e' /(ot "any,/ I said, /they are all falling to !its and I reckon they are a !it out of date now'/ /May!e' If you would care to co"e to "y study after school is o&er, I+ll see if I can find anything for you' ?e "ustn+t let our finest !rains suffer fro" lack of !ooks, "ust we;/ .he sarcastic old so and so> /?ho knows,/ he went on, /we "ay e&en "anage to kindle so"e s%ark in that head of yours, !ut %lease kee% it away fro" walls until I a" a!le to see if there is anything inside> I dou!t it' I dou!t it &ery "uch, !ut it is )ust %ossi!le>/ .he ne<t day after school had ended I went to his study' Away fro" the classroo" he was a different %erson altogether' *e was still dry, sarcastic as e&er and ne&er "issed any o%%ortunity to tri% "e u%, !ut he asked "e "any 9uestions' *e handed "e a !undle of !ooks' /*ere you are, young #ynn, see what you "ake of these' I don+t su%%ose you+ll "ake "uch of the", !ut you ne&er know' ?hat will you do, young #ynn, if you don+t understand the";/ /.ry to work it out, I su%%ose' I don+t know yet'/ /5ou could always co"e and ask "e if you get stuck' 4o"e after school' I+" always ready to hel% you out' ?e really can+t afford to let the s%ark go out now, can we; .hat+s if we e&er "anage to kindle it'/ I s"iled and he turned his !ack on "e' Cohn had had a &ery !ad ti"e of it in the 1914-191F ?ar and would rarely s%eak of it' ?hat with that e<%erience and the defor"ities that he had !een !orn with, he had !eco"e slightly sour' .he &ery "ention of the word /God/ or /religion/ often %ro&oked an out!urst of scorn and anger' *e was that strangest of "i<tures of outs%oken !itterness and al"ost total generosity' I really had to !e so careful with hi" and choose "y words with great care'

It was one of his great %leasures to !e called a rationalist and, after ?orld ?ar I, Ara!ella and he had )oined a new grou% called .he (ew i!eration 0ociety' #ro" the little that I knew of it, I knew it was not for "e' E&en though in those days I did like a tight argu"ent it a%%eared to "e that the rationalists were carrying things a !it too far' .he whole of Cohn+s %ersonal life was so strictly regi"ented and his %ossessions so carefully ordered that no roo" was left for any kind of s%ontaneous gesture' If a thing could not !e calculated it "ore or less did not e<ist for hi", so "uch of a rationalist was he' 2n the other hand, he could !e &ery kind' *e was "ore than willing to hel% those of his students who found it hard to gras% the %oint, and his willingness to hel% old co"rades who had suffered in the war knew no !ounds' 2n those occasions he was all gentleness and concern' *e was an odd "i<ture, and the "i< "ade it difficult for so"e %eo%le to understand hi"' It "ust ha&e !een late su""er or so when I had gone to see 2ld Cohn to ask hi" for hel%' I was co"%letely stuck with a %ro!le"' Although I had tried all the &arious ways that looked %ossi!le, I was )ust una!le to resol&e it' *e looked at the %ro!le" for a "o"ent or two, %ointed out "y "istake and left "e to it' 2f course, it was such a silly "istake to ha&e "ade' .he resolution of it was so si"%le that I could ha&e kicked "yself' *e edged his way through the door fro" the kitchen, !earing a tray of coffee and so"e !uns' /0ol&ed it, young #ynn;/ I nodded' /I feel a right fool' *ow did I e&er co"e to "ake that "istake;/ /It+s one of the ha$ards of "athe"atics, #ynn>/ *e laughed' /It so often turns out to !e the si"%le thing' I+&e done it often "yself'/ It ga&e "e a lot of co"fort to hear that' *e handed "e a cu% of coffee and asked, /?ell, young #ynn, your sentence is al"ost u%' Any idea what you are going to do with yourself;/ It was true' I was of an age when earning a li&ing was necessary' I had one or two ideas, !ut I hadn+t "ade u% "y "ind' /?ell, what "ight "y young genius do;/ /(ot really sure yet, Cohn/, I re%lied' /Cust don+t know' All I a" certain of is that I can+t gi&e u% "athe"atics or %hysics'/ /Glad to hear you say that, young #ynn' 5ou+re always welco"e here, you know that' But what a!out earning your kee%, eh; An accountant; A teacher; .here+s %lenty of roo" in this world for anyone a!le to add two and two together'/ /I know that, Cohn, !ut I don+t think that I want to do that sort of thing'/ /?hy is that;/ he asked' /I know it sounds a !it daft, Cohn, !ut I en)oy it too "uch> I su%%ose I )ust don+t want to lose the fun and "agic of it'/ *is laughter at that filled the roo"' /2h, #ynn, oh #ynn, I+&e always known that to !e a fact' 5ou are reasona!ly good at it, you know, e&en if occasionally you do so"e silly things' .hat "akes you dou!ly welco"e here' *a&e you no idea what you "ight do then;/

.his was the 9uestion I dreaded "ost of all, !ut the ti"e had co"e to answer it' /Cohn ''' well ''' I ''' I, er ''' think I would like to go into the 4hurch'/ I waited for the e<%losion, !ut it ne&er ca"e' *e "erely said /2h/, and his &oice dro%%ed a cou%le of octa&es' 0till there was no e<%losion, no tirade against religion' Cust a si"%le, /?hy, #ynn; ?hy; 4an you tell "e;/ /It+s )ust i"%ortant, Cohn, that+s all, I can+t gi&e you any "ore reason than that'/ /I"%ortant, certainly/, he re%lied' /I"%ortant to know where we are, and why too, if that+s a %ro%er 9uestion' I+" really not certain of that'/ *is cal"ness had left "e totally %u$$led' /Cohn, I thought that you would '''/ /I would !low "y to% '''/ I nodded' /5ou know, #ynn,/ he said with a s"ile, /I wasn+t !orn without faith' I had to work &ery hard for "y lack of it' I wouldn+t want to sto% you !eco"ing a %riest, if that is what you really want' All I "ust ask of you is that you think hard and long !efore you "ake u% your "ind'/ Aerha%s I had "ade so"e "o&e"ent, so"e indication that I was a!out to ask a 9uestion' *e laid his hand on "ine' /(o 9uestions, young #ynn, not now' Aerha%s one day when you &isit "e, and I a" sure that there will !e "any days, "any, "any &isits, I "ight e&en tell you all, !ut not now' .here is one thing, howe&er, that !others "e "ost of all, which you "ight like to %onder o&er !efore you take the %lunge' ?ill you %lease fetch "y Bi!le fro" "y study; It+s on the s"all ta!le !y the la"%' 3on+t look so sur%rised, #ynn' I really do ha&e a Bi!le, and what is "ore I ha&e e&en read it' In fact, "ore than once, "ainly in the ho%e that I "ight ha&e "issed so"ething, !ut I fear I ha&en+t'/ I fetched the Bi!le and %ut it on the chair !eside hi" and waited' *is ne<t words were such a sur%rise that I had to laugh' /3o you drink !eer, #ynn;/ /?ell, I ha&e once or twice, not "uch though'/ /Aerha%s a s"all glass won+t hurt a young "an who is soon to go into the world' It+s "y own !rew and I+" really rather %roud of it'/ *e handed "e a glass of !eer' /Before you drink %erha%s you will read "e &erses 19 and EG of the second cha%ter of Genesis'/ /And out of the ground the ord God for"ed e&ery !east of the field and e&ery fowl of the air, and !rought the" unto Ada" to see what he would call the" and whatsoe&er Ada" called e&ery li&ing thing that was the na"e thereof' And Ada" '''/ /Enough, enough,/ Cohn !roke in' /(ow you "ay drink'/ I took a swig' /?ell, what do you think of that;/ /.hink of what;/ /.he !eer first, of course, and if you ha&e any co""ents, the &erses ne<t'/ /.he !eer is good, Cohn'/

/Good, #ynn; Good; ?hy, the only word to descri!e that !eer is su!li"e' .ake another draught and then tell "e what you think a!out those &erses'/ /I can+t see anything wrong with the", Cohn' .hey look all right to "e' If they are true, it+s wonderful' ?hat are you on a!out;/ /I+" not on a!out anything' If, as we are told, God is all %owerful, o"ni%otent, etcetera, etcetera, then why, oh why a" I re9uired to !e a"a$ed, %leased or full of wonder at the things he is su%%osed to ha&e "ade; I+" not' ?hat does %u$$le "e, howe&er, is why then did he do such a stu%id thing as to ask Ada" to na"e the"; 3a"n it, #ynn' I "ean Ba!el and all that nonsense' ?hat with that and the su%%osed flood, he does see" to "e to s%end a lot of ti"e undoing his own creations' If only Ada" had had the good sense to gi&e e&erything a nu"!er rather than a na"e, it would ha&e sa&ed us all a lot of heartache' Ah well, "y young friend, after too "any years of trying to teach "athe"atics, I ha&e co"e to the conclusion that it+s the +nu"!+ in nu"!ers that causes the !lockage' .hat is %artly the reason why I a" always so ha%%y to ha&e taught you and will always !e so glad to see you' 5ou are )ust a tiny !it different fro" "y other %u%ils' (ot "uch, "ind you, !ut enough>/ I wanted to say so"ething that would )ustify "y difference, !ut nothing ca"e' /#or goodness sake, #ynn, don+t look so du"!founded' #inish off your drink and indulge "e occasionally in "y ho!!y-horses' My %ro!le" is really 9uite si"%le' I cannot !elie&e' It+s as si"%le as that' If I could, I would, !ut e&en now I ha&e not said what I wanted to say' Anno 3o"ini, I su%%ose' ?hat I a" trying to say to you is, whate&er else "athe"atics "ight !e, it is certainly a language and that+s i"%ortant' (ow, "y young friend, it+s a!out ti"e you were off' et "e know what you decide to do and %lease co"e again and often'/ I was really 9uite confused !y all this' *e had ne&er !een as o%en with "e !efore and I felt that I would like to stay with hi", e<ce%t that it wouldn+t ha&e !een "uch use !ecause I was %erha%s e&en "ore uncertain a!out things "yself' .he idea that "athe"atics was a language was new to "e and it ga&e "e "uch to think a!out, for if it was true that you could talk a!out God in any language and if "athe"atics was a language, then ''' e<ce%t that I couldn+t see how that "ight work' D D D I ne&er did !eco"e a %riest' I )ust wasn+t sure enough for that' I !eca"e in&ol&ed in the !lending of oils and all sorts of lu!ricants' I su%%ose it was interesting enough' At least I was earning a wage, !ut e<ce%t for adding a few nu"!ers now and again and the occasional need to find se&en %er cent of a !arrel of oil containing forty-se&en gallons, "y knowledge of "aths was rarely used' It wasn+t "uch used in con&ersation either' If I said that a %articular %ro!le" and its solution was &ery !eautiful, I found I had %roduced one of the !est con&ersation-sto%%ers' #ortunately, "athe"atics does ha&e one great ad&antage' 5ou don+t need "uch to do it with - %a%er and %encil, %erha%s, !ut often not e&en that' In fact, nothing !ut the roo" and ti"e in which to think' 0o "y roa"ing around the docklands of ondon at night were ti"es of great content"ent' I "ight "eet the odd cat or two, %erha%s a sea"an o&erfilled with !eer, trying to find his shi%, or those ladies who called "e /3earie/, !ut whether it was cats, tarts or drunks, the well-ai"ed answer /Ai 1 s9uared to you/ or %erha%s, /the s9uare root of "inus 1/ was a sure-fire way of clearing a s%ace> 2ccasionally I "et the dockland ta%%er or A4 aithwaite' .hen one %articular night when "y head was full of nu"!ers, 2ld Cohn, God, language %ro!le"s and all the odd !its and %ieces of %u$$le"ent, out of the fog a s"all girl suddenly a%%eared'

.here was not "uch I could see of her in the fog e&en !y a gas la"%' 0he was not &ery tall' 0he told "e she had /runned away/ and she carried an old rag doll, a !o< of %aints and she was hungry' 0he "ade a large hole in "y !ag of sa&eloys and she liked fi$$y drinks, %articularly the ones with a "ar!le in the neck' A cou%le of necessary fags to regain "y co"%osure and I learned that her na"e was Anna, that she was going to li&e with "e and that she lo&ed "e as I lo&ed her' I ne&er was one to get into an argu"ent that I had no ho%e of winning, so I si"%ly acce%ted all that she had told "e' As ti"e went !y I did try to find out "ore a!out her !ackground, !ut no!ody had "issed her, or if they had, they did not want her !ack' 0o she ca"e ho"e with "e and stayed until she died a few years later' ater that night a hot !ath re&ealed a "o% of fiery red hair and a nu"!er of !ruises' As a hot !ath re&ealed her own s%ecial !eauty, so war" lo&e laid !are her de&otion to Mister God, her endless chatter and her enor"ous a%%etite for trying to find out a!out things, as I ha&e descri!ed in Mister God this is Anna' I did try to kee% Anna and Cohn a%art, !ut since I talked a!out the" so "uch, it was ine&ita!le that they would "eet, and it "ade "e ner&ous' ike kee%ing the %ositi&e and negati&e %oles of a !attery a%art' If you do that, nothing ha%%ens' But then if you )oin the %oles of a !attery to &arious things, you "ight get anything fro" light to a !lown fuse' ?hate&er it was that did ha%%en !etween the" I was always in the "iddle of it> D D D And so I was talking to Cohn a!out taking Anna to church' /4hurch,/ he e<%loded, /utter %iffle>/ After his cal" co""ents a!out "y %ossi!ly !eco"ing a %riest, this out!urst astonished "e' But Cohn liked to !e %er&erse at ti"es' /1eligion is nothing "ore than a !loody fortress of chaos/, he went on' /*a&en+t you yet learned that %eo%le will %rotect their wrong !eliefs with greater ferocity than they e&er will their right !eliefs' I really cannot see how any!ody can !elie&e anything that cannot !e %ro&ed'/ /?hat a!out lo&e, Cohn;/ /?hat a!out it;/ /?hat a!out it> 5ou can+t %ro&e that lo&e e<ists>>/ /Indeed, what a!out it; ?hat, "ay I ask, what good does that do;/ I said I didn+t know !ut felt it "ust do so"e good' .hese sudden out!ursts ne&er lasted &ery long, howe&er, and were so 9uickly relie&ed !y that crooked s"ile that his hare-li% forced u%on hi", !ut these sudden changes "eant that we all had to !e &ery careful what we said' *e, hi"self, was &ery aware of these sudden out!ursts, and that it "ade hi" a &ery lonely %erson8 !ut for a long ti"e it see"ed that there was &ery little he could do a!out it' I su%%ose it accounted for the fact that he was so ha%%y to gi&e "e as "uch e<tra tuition as I liked' I also think that he liked "e' .hat %leased "e' Cohn+s "anner of teaching was unusual8 not odd, !ut different' 2n the occasions when

he+d written so"e co"%le< %ro!le" on the !lack!oard, he would always write out the answer on the !oard as well' /(ow you all know the answer, so you now all ha&e ten "arks' .here are another ten "arks for anyone who can tell "e why it is right'/ And after writing the %roof, he would always end u% with the letters written large H'E'3' or H'E'#', whate&er was a%%ro%riate' ?hat see"ed to gi&e hi" the "ost %leasure was the final full sto% done with &igour, al"ost as if he was attacking the !lack!oard' .urning to his %u%ils he would always utter the one word' /.here>/ istening to Cohn deli&ering his lectures was not e&ery!ody+s cu% of tea, !ut his dry and %recise "anner of deli&ery was so"ething I en)oyed greatly in s%ite of that slightly acidic way he had of going a!out it' #ollowing his "anner, I had also got into the ha!it of ending what I had written with H'E'3' or H'E'#'' D D D ?hen Anna first saw these letters she wanted to know what they "eant and I showed her where to look in the A!!re&iations section of the dictionary' 0he found another grou% that I did not know - H'E'I', /that which was to !e found/' 0o now I had three sets' 1'Huod Erat 3e"onstrandu", E'Huod Erat #aciendu", and I'Huod Erat In&eniendu"' H'E'3', /which was to !e %ro&ed/, and certainly Cohn+s %leasure8 H'E'#', /which was to !e done/, and see"ed always to !e "y )o!8 And H'E'I', /which was to !e found/, and Anna+s "ain delight' /09uashed-u% writing/ was what Anna called a!!re&iations' And for her "athe"atics was si"%ly /All s9uashed-u% writing/' 0o"eti"es it was difficult to understand what Anna was saying' *er in&ented words took so"e getting used to' 2nce, in a "o"ent of %ride, I took so"e %ages of her writing to show Cohn 3', eager to hear what he would say a!out the"' I was angry when, a few days later, I collected the", and found that he, a%%arently tri%%ed u% !y her /talk/, had si"%ly corrected the gra""ar and s%elling in red ink' 0he was ne&er &ery good at s%elling or gra""ar' 0he had her own way' Anna had !een with "e when Cohn had launched hi"self into his usual anger a!out religion' /If there was )ust one religion,/ he said, /I "ight !e te"%ted to study it, !ut there are so "any of the" it+s as if e&ery!ody has their own God and that, #ynn, is really !eyond "e' If there is an answer, there can only !e one'/ Anna had written down her own solution to this %ro!le" !ut Cohn hadn+t gras%ed it' *e had si"%ly !usied hi"self with corrections' /It+s easy, #ynn/, she had said' /2ne of the first things Mister God e&er did do was when he "ade light, wasn+t it;/ /Agreed' .hat+s what it says'/ And then she re"inded "e of the thing we had done together when, with the aid of a %ris", and a !ea" of light, we had "ade that little s%ectru" of light on the wall' .hat+s what it was all a!out' /.he 4atholics used the red colour, the Arotestants used green, the Cewish %eo%le another colour, the *indu %eo%le yet another colour to see Mister God

!y'/ 2f course there were lots of different religions, and Anna was ne&er really certain that so"e!ody "ight not suddenly find another with one "ore holy day to cut out of the week, so that she would ha&e less ti"e than e&er to %lay with her friends' But it didn+t really "atter when you saw the" all as !ea"s of the one light' As Mu" said, you are !orn into one religion !ecause you ha&e no choice, !ut you die with the" all or nothing' Cohn &ery nearly "issed this other way of looking' D D D Anna+s ti"es at 0chool or 4hurch didn+t always achie&e those ai"s intended !y Miss *aynes or the 1e&' 4astle' #or that "atter, Cohn also ca"e in for a good few /Aoohs/' 0o"e of all this teaching was not !ad, !ut so"e of it was )ust downright /daft, wasn+t it, #ynn;/ Aoor old 1e&' 4astle "ost definitely was not %leased one !it to !e so loudly /Aoohed/ in the "iddle of his ser"on, and the way he had %eered at "e o&er his s%ectacles "ade it look as if it was "y fault' I did try to kee% her 9uiet, !ut it ne&er worked all that well' .he =icar had !een telling the congregation the %ara!le a!out the sower sowing the seeds' .he fact that so"e of the" fell a"ong stones and others fell a"ong thorns was a little !it too "uch for her' *er /Aooh>/ was startling enough, !ut her co""ent that he ought to !e "ore careful was so loud that I+" sure e&en the statues heard it' It didn+t hel% "atters afterwards when she was heard telling "e that this sower !loke was also a !it daft' /*e should ha&e taken the" stones out first' At least he should ha&e dug the" thorn things out, shouldn+t he #ynn;/ 0he al"ost con&inced herself that the reason why grown-u%s read fairy stories to children was !ecause they, the"sel&es, !elie&ed the"> I often taught Anna so"e of the things that Cohn had taught "e' 0he ne&er was what you "ight call !rilliant at "athe"atics, !ut she so often saw in it things that neither Cohn nor I had seen, or at least not in the sa"e way' #or instance, "ulti%lying two nu"!ers together was fine if that was what you wanted to do' A !it of a !ore at ti"es and at ti"es %retty hard to do' It was a great e<cite"ent for her when I showed her that F ti"es 9 e9uals 71 was only one way of doing it' 5ou got e<actly the sa"e result !y di&iding one nu"!er !y the reci%rocal of the other' .he idea that you could /do/ "ulti%lication !y di&ision was for "e such an a!surd idea that it )ust stuck with "e' 2f course, it was one of those things I had to teach Anna' 0he did change the words a !it' 9 or 9J1 !eca"e /standing u%/ nu"!ers and the reci%rocal of 9 or 1J9 was o!&iously /u%side down/ nu"!ers'

It "ade "uch "ore fun for Anna to do her su"s with this wonderful new way' .he old stuff of "ulti%lying 9 !y F suddenly !eca"e either 9 -:- 1JF or F -:- 1J9' It didn+t "atter which way you did it, it didn+t "ake any difference to the answer' ?hiche&er way you did it, the answer was always 7E and it was /the right way u%/ too' .hat certainly needed so"e thinking a!out' F < 9 K 7E F -:- 1J9 K 7E 9 -:- +Js K 7E

I don+t re"e"!er if I had e&er thought of what ha%%ens if you "ulti%ly 1J9 !y 1JF, !ut Anna did' /?hat ha%%ens, #ynn, what ha%%ens if you "ake the" !oth +u%side down+ nu"!ers and "ulti%ly the"; 1JF L 1J9 K '''; ?hat ha%%ens, #ynn, what ha%%ens;/ .he fact that it turned out to !e a G'G1IFFFFFF was a !it of a disa%%oint"ent to her after this new and wonderful way of doing it' I waited for her ne<t 9uestion' It took a long ti"e co"ing, !ut e&entually it ca"e' 0uddenly she launched !oth herself and her 9uestion at "e' /Is it, #ynn; Is it;/ /Is it what, .ich;/ /Is it an +u%side down+ nu"!er, #ynn, is it, eh;/ It was indeed a reci%rocal or /u%side down/ nu"!er of 7E 61J7E K G'G1IFFFFFF7' /2ooh> #ynn,/ she gas%ed, /ain+t it good; 2ooh> I+" going to tell Mister Cohn ne<t ti"e' 3o you think he knows a!out it, #ynn;/ /I reckon he does,/ I re%lied, /you can tell hi" a!out it to"orrow when we see hi"'/ Cohn chuckled with a"use"ent and delight at her /right way u%/ and /u%side down/ nu"!ers' *e had ne&er heard the" called that !efore' /I don+t su%%ose it really "atters what she calls the", as long as she knows what it "eans'/ I left the" to it for a few "inutes' Anna was chattering away as fast as she could, and Cohn was in his fa&ourite ar"chair with a da$ed !ut ha%%y s"ile on his face' ?hen I ca"e !ack I heard hi" say, /5es, "y little "aid, I+ll re"e"!er, I will !e careful'+ /?hat was all that a!out, Cohn;/ I asked' *e laughed' /0he )ust told "e that so"eti"es the answer is +u%side down+ and that "akes a difference and you+&e got to re"e"!er what you+&e done'/ *e %oured hi"self a fresh tankard of ale' /I ne&er re"e"!er !eing so e<cited a!out reci%rocals in "y education' Aerha%s, young #ynn, it+s the na"es she gi&e things that I find so enchanting'

+@%side down nu"!ers+ indeed> .hat does see" to fit so "any occasions and situations, don+t you think;/ /.hink, Cohn; I don+t often get the chance to think when she gets started>/ /.he answer "ight !e +u%side down+/, he "uttered' /It so often is> 1e"e"!er that, #ynn' .he answer is so"eti"es +u%side down+'/ /5es, Cohn, I will' 0o"eti"es I think it+s "e that is +u%side down+>/ /Ah>/ *e laughed' /0he certainly does gi&e it a new life, doesn+t she;/ It didn+t "atter which way round you did it, the idea that it was %ossi!le to "ulti%ly !y di&iding and di&ide !y "ulti%lying was so"ething entirely new to Anna' .his "ust surely !e real Mister God stuff' And then there was those logarith" things where you could "ulti%ly !y adding certain kinds of nu"!ers and di&ide !y taking away certain kinds of nu"!ers' Cohn didn+t see this "agic as Anna saw it' /5ou can do things like "ulti%lication the ordinary way, you can do it !y di&iding and you can also do it !y adding>/ .hat really was so"ething to reckon with' 0o she %lunged into "athe"atics with rare e<cite"ent' 0he ne&er really did get into that H'E'3' stuff' Aroofs for her were a co"%lete waste of ti"e' .here really was so "uch to find out' After their first few "eetings Cohn had &iewed her with tolerant a"use"ent' /0he is so ignorant of the task ahead of her that she can+t see the certainty of failure/, he had said' *e was )ust %lain %u$$led !y her' It was "uch later that he said, /?ell, I don+t really know, whate&er else "ight !e said a!out her, she certainly does a%%ear to %roceed in a ste% !y ste% fashion, e&en though I can+t always follow her %ath>/ It was at this ti"e that a curious "agic ha%%ened !etween us: the /which was to !e %ro&ed/ retired school "aster, the /which was to !e found/ red-headed child, lea&ing "e with the /which was to !e done/ !it as usual8 !ut that was all right' It was worth it> It was always a great %leasure to see these two together' Cohn slowly !eca"e "uch "ore rela<ed a!out things, and after a ti"e he was e&en ca%a!le of %laying %retend ga"es, e&en though he ne&er was a!le to sto% !eing the acade"ic' Being with these two didn+t do "e any har" either, e&en though I did get "yself into a "uddle at ti"es' After all, I could ask, couldn+t I; And I often needed to' I wasn+t always sure a!out the answer, !ut I ne&er went without one'

It didn+t take Cohn too long !efore he could e"%ty all the conte"%t fro" the word /!rat/ and fill it with lo&e, in the way that Anna was a!le to e"%ty the word /sir/ fro" its association and fill it with lo&e' (either of the", howe&er, was a!le to get out of their own way of s%eaking' Cohn often threw in a foreign %hrase or two and Anna+s choice of words was not always of the !est' But /!rat/ and /sir/ they !eca"e to each other for a long ti"e and, for the "ost %art, I was a!le to translate the one to the other' 2n the occasions when there was no!ody around to see it, Cohn would often wear the red-!eaded heart that Anna had "ade for his !irthday' Making !rooches was not a thing that Cohn would e&er atte"%t to do, and it was so"e long ti"e !efore he ga&e her one she ke%t for &ery s%ecial occasions' Cohn had chosen a %lain little sil&er !rooch for her on which he had had inscri!ed so"e words in atin8 of course, what else> H@23 AE.I0 *I4 E0.' Anna would ne&er tell any!ody what it "eant when asked' /Ask #ynn' *e knows'/ I did like saying, /It "eans +?hat you seek is hard+'/ At one ti"e I thought of ha&ing one "ade for her "yself, )ust to kee% the whole thing in order so to s%eak' Mine would ha&e !een different, like H@A(.@M 0@##I4I. - /As "uch as is sufficient/' If only I had known e<actly how "uch> But I ne&er did find the answer to that one' .he fact that "uch of "y ti"e was s%ent with !ooks on "athe"atics, %hysics and related su!)ects, "eant that Anna %icked u% a nu"!er of unfa"iliar words, like /electrons/, /%olyno"ials/, /relati&ity/ and /9uantu" theory/' .he fact that I ne&er ke%t "y !ooks fro" her "eant that she soon had words in her &oca!ulary which "ost %eo%le had ne&er heard of or, if they had heard of the", didn+t understand' (either did she for the "ost %art, at least, not in the way that would ha&e allowed her to %ass an e<a"ination' 0he si"%ly s%rinkled the" a!out like salt and sugar' It didn+t "atter if the salt was where the sugar should ha&e !een' As a "atter of fact I did not know all that "uch a!out the" "yself' But these words, in Anna+s &iew, were the result of finding, and finding was to her all-i"%ortant' A 9uestion "ark was an in&itation to finding' ?hen she saw a cha%ter-heading I0 .*E E E4.12( 3I=I0IB E A 02;, she knew it was i"%ortant' ?hen the author went on to say, /Aerha%s it is "erely a coincidence that the %erson who first noticed that the ru!!ing of a"!er would induce a new and re"arka!le state now known as the state of electrification was also the "an who first e<%ressed the con&iction that there "ust !e so"e great unifying %rinci%le that links e&erything together/, she reali$ed he was a friend of Mister God, and she was 9uite certain that it was Mister God who "ade it all ha%%en' /Any "athe"atical !ook to !e of any &alue has to !e read forwards and !ackwards'/ (othing could !e si"%ler, could it; 0o she tried it' It was so"ething that was so si"%le to say and al"ost i"%ossi!le to do, !ut in her own way she was often a!le to find so"e little ge" out of the wreckage of instructions' 0he tackled this reading the !ook !ackwards idea with enthusias", e&en though to !egin with she did think it was daft' It was easy for her to see that the !est way to go a!out this thing was to %ro% a "irror on the kitchen ta!le and read the reflection of the !ook in the "irror, not the !ook itself' It did see" to her to !e a little !it like Mister God' After all, the =icar ne&er lost any o%%ortunity to re"ind us that we could ne&er actually see God, so the reflection was all that we had to go on' Mind you, it did "ean that you had to !e a !it careful> I think that this was why she was so &ery interested in e&erything a!out her' #or a few days I often saw her looking into the "irror, screwing her head to left and right' 2n "y return fro" work one e&ening it was 9uite o!&ious that she was )ust ready to e<%lode

with e<cite"ent' .he "irror was carefully set u%on the ta!le as she di&ed into her own %ri&ate drawer and !rought out a sheet of %a%er' It didn+t see" to !e all that i"%ortant to "e' 0he had si"%ly written in large nu"!ers 4 L 7K11' /0o, what+s all the e<cite"ent, a!out/, I wondered' /.hat+s %retty o!&ious stuff'/ /0o what;/ I asked her' /?hat+s that in aid of;/ /.hat+s right, aint+t it, #ynn;/ /2f course it is/, I re%lied' /5ou know that' 5ou didn+t need to ask "e'/ / ook/, she said' / ook now'/ 0he had turned the sheet of %a%er to face the "irror' .he reflection now read 11 K 7 L 4' /.hat+s right too/, I said !efore she had a chance to ask "e' /@rn,/ she said, /!ut, #ynn, what else is ele&en e9ual to;/ /?ell, it could !e 1G L 1 or 9 L E, it could !e '''/ 0he interru%ted "e with, /4ouldn+t it !e s9uillions of things;/ /5es, it could, couldn+t it;/ /#ynn, that e9uals thing "akes it safe, don+t it;/ /0afe for what;/ I asked, getting a !it lost as usual' /0afe so you can read it !ackwards like Mister God'/ (ow I was co"%letely lost' /*ow co"e like Mister God;/ ?hat was so clear to her left "e a wee !it in the dark' /#ynn,/ she re%lied with so"e e<as%eration, +/cos if there is only one way to go frontways to see Mister God and he won+t let us and there is s9uillions of ways of going !ackwards, what then;/ .here was not "uch gli""er of light, !ut enough for the "o"ent' 3oing so"ething !ackwards and forwards "ight see" odd at ti"es, !ut so"eti"es it did work and then well, who knows, things "ight ha%%en' 1 liked the idea that the K sign "ade it 9uite safe to go forwards or !ackwards, !ut I had ne&er really gras%ed the fact that, of course, 4 L 7K11 was, according to her, only right once when she read it forwards, !ut that there were s9uillions of answers when you read it !ackwards' 11 K 7 L 4 or F L I or ''' or ''' I was ha&ing enough trou!le doing it the right way round> And I su%%ose Mister God )ust "ight ha&e "ade it so that we couldn+t see hi" frontwards in only one %ossi!le way, !ut that we had to look at hi" !ackwards like the reflection in a "irror' It did "ean, as she told "e, that there were si"%ly s9uillions of ways to do it and that Mister God was in each way, and considering the fact that the little K thing "ade it all so safe, that was fine' /5ou+d !etter tell the =icar,/ I said, /I+" sure he,d like to know'/ 0he wasn+t all that certain a!out that> /I+" going to tell Mister Cohn the ne<t ti"e I see hi"' Bet he wants to know, #ynn, !et he do>/ 2&er the ne<t few days she did "anage to tell this to the 1e&' 4astle and, for that "atter, anyone else who would listen' .he 1e&' 4astle had res%onded, /.here is a!solutely no need for that kind of stuff in church, you know/' 0he got a great deal "ore res%onse fro" the "ilk"an and the coal"an and Bo"!o" and Millie, !ut that was all right' In the ne<t few days "ost of the railway wall was filled with little su"s as she and her friends e<%lored this idea' It didn+t look like Mister God to "e,

!ut, according to Anna, it was, )ust the sa"e' It was after this that the whole idea of "athe"atics "ade sense to her and she %lunged into "y !ooks with so"e urgency' *er way of doing things often got "e into hot water8 like the ti"e we had !een turned out of 0t Aaul+s 4athedral' 0he couldn+t understand how we were /desecrating God+s *oly Alace/' After all, we were )ust %ushing a %rayer !ook around the !lack and white s9uares on the floor, and what was the har" in that; It+s true that we had written so"e nu"!ers in chalk on the floor, !ut as she %ointed out, /#ynn can get it off with his hanky/, so why were we !eing turned out; .his was God-stuff after all, wasn+t it; I was curious, considering the fact that Cohn 3' regarded the Bi!le as not worth reading as it was nothing "ore than a collection of fairy-stories, that he should !e so offended when Anna could so easily laugh at it' .he 1e&' 4astle was e&en "ore

%ut out' *is word for Anna+s laughter was that she was "aking a "ockery of it and that really I ought to do so"ething a!out it' #or !oth of the" ife was a &ery serious !usiness' E&ery!ody said how hard ife was' It was odd that two %eo%le so far a%art in their !eliefs should think of God in the sa"e way' /Aeo%le get "uddled u%/, she told "e' /.hey "ust do,/ I agreed, /!ut a!out what;/ /Mister God and 2ld (ick'/ /2h, do they; *ow do they "anage to do that; I can+t see how they "ake that "istake'/ /In church the 1e&' 4astle kee%s on saying that Mister God is always looking at "e'/ /0o, what+s wrong with that;/ /I know that>/
"So?"

/?hy does he say that Mister God stick "e with a !ig sticker if I don+t sit u% straight and if I talk so"eti"es'/ /0u%%ose other %eo%le want to hear what he+s got to say and that children ought to !eha&e the"sel&es'/ /0u%%ose so>/ But o!&iously she didn+t !elie&e that was true' 0he tried to find the right words to e<%lain to "e what she was wanting to say, words that I could understand' /I do try, #ynn, I really do'/ /.ry to do what, .ich;/

/.ry to !eha&e good, and sit u% straight, and things like that'/ /I know that'/ /But I don+t always, do I, #ynn;/ /(ot always,/ I said, /so"eti"es you are a !lessed nuisance, !ut I lo&e you>/ 0he nodded and s"iled at "e' /0o does Mister God too, don+t he, #ynn;/ /0ure thing> I don+t see how he could hel% it'/ /It+s the" !loody stones, #ynn' .hey get hea&y' .hat+s what they are like, stones'/?hat stones are you on a!out, .ich; ?hat kind of stones;/ /All the things they tell you to do' The" kind of stones' .hat+s what> And then they get so hea&y, I can+t do nothing' Mister God don+t do that, do he #ynn;/ I was !eginning to get the hang of this stones stuff' .he =icar was certainly full of /do+s/ and /don+t+s/ and at ti"es they did see" like hea&y weights' /It "akes "e laugh so"eti"es' It+s funny>/ /4an+t see what+s funny a!out it' *ow do you work that one out;/ /+4os I can+t do it' It+s funny' I can+t hel% laughing then #ynn'+ All this did sound co"%licated to listen to, !ut as far as I could see she wasn+t far out' .he trou!le with %eo%le like the 1e&' 4astle and Cohn was that life was a deadly serious !usiness, and so often they would load you u% with dead weights and you certainly couldn+t run and %lay' /If you had to carry all the" stones around with you> Mister God ne&er did "ean you to do that kind of thing, did he;/ As far as Anna understood Mister God, he ne&er went around %rodding %eo%le to "ake the" fed u% or frightened of hi"' ?hat Mister God really wanted was to "ake you laugh - to laugh at your own "istakes' If you could do that, you really did learn and did not get tangled u% in things you couldn+t %ossi!ly do' /It "akes you laugh, don+t it;/ * * * It was a!out the "iddle of Autu"n and I was )ust co"ing ho"e fro" work' As I %assed the 4orner 0ho% I was hailed !y Mrs Bartlett, our local sho%kee%er, who, a"ongst other things, acted as a clearing house for tele%hone calls for those of us who had not as yet got a tele%hone' .hat "eant all of us' /#ynn/, she called' /Got a "essage for you' .he Arofessor+s sister rang u% this afternoon' .he old cha%+s !een taken !ad and would you go as soon as %ossi!le;/ /.hanks, Missus,/ I said, /I+ll get there as soon as %ossi!le after I+&e washed u% a !it'/ /*o%e he+s all right' *e+s a funny old gee$er right enough' Meself, I can+t understand what he+s on a!out half the ti"e' *e ought to learn to s%eak English %ro%er' .hat+s what he ought to do'/ 0he chortled her ne<t sentence, /*ow do you fancy "e as a Mada",

#ynn;/ /?ell, I don+t 9uite see it "yself, !ut you ne&er know>/ /.hat+s what the old gent called "e' +Good afternoon, "ada", ha&e you !y any chance got so"e #rench "ustard;+ And "e with "e curlers still in' +Mada"+ indeed> It "ade "e feel a right fool, it did>/ Mu" was ne&er e&er sur%rised at "y co"ings and going' As far as I was concerned, there wasn+t all that difference !etween day and night' /*a&e you told Anna yet;/ /(o,/ I re%lied, /I ha&en+t seen her yet'/ /0he went o&er with Bo"!o" to May+s house' I+ll )ust tell her you had to go out' It+s !etter not to say too "uch until you get ho"e' May!e it+ll turn out to !e nothing "uch after all' 5ou can wake "e u% if you get ho"e late' I+d like to know "yself how the old fella is'/ I %ro"ised that I would do that as soon as I got in' (ow 1ando" 4ottage, where Cohn and Ara!ella li&ed, was &arious distances away, de%ending on the route you took and, of course, what "eans of trans%ort you could use where' .ra"s and !uses took a long ti"e' But I had worked out a route using the canal tow-%ath and other short cuts' As I rode along "y "ind was working nineteen to the do$en' C' 3' was, after all, no chicken and well, "ay!e ''' I didn+t waste "y ti"e in getting there' I )ust %edalled as hard and as fast as I could' .here was nothing out of the ordinary that I could see as I "ade "y way to the !ack door' Ara!ella was doing so"ething in the kitchen' I rang the !ell and waited' 0he greeted "e war"ly' /*ello, #ynn' *o%e I didn+t gi&e you too "uch of a scare' .hank you for co"ing so %ro"%tly' Go through to the study' Cohn+s there'/ I !reathed a sigh of relief for nothing at all see"ed to !e wrong' It was, as far as I could see, "uch the sa"e as usual' Cohn was in his usual chair with his usual %int of !eer' /*ello, young #ynn' Aour yourself a %int of !eer and sit down' 3on+t look at "e like that/, he chuckled' /5ou look as if you+&e seen a ghost' 3rink u%' ?ell, as a "atter of fact, I did ha&e a !ad turn, !ut, as you see, I+" fit as a flea now'/ I was relie&ed to hear it and said so> /I+" afraid, #ynn, that Ara!ella does get a little worked u% a!out things, !ut there you are'/ It was )ust like Cohn to think that so"e %eo%le got worked u% a!out uni"%ortant things' I did wonder, for a "o"ent of two, whether I ought to say what was

in "y thoughts and decided that I "ust' /5ou really "ust look after yourself'/ /(o, no, #ynn,/ he interru%ted "e, /don+t you start on "e' 5ou are far too young to tell "e what I "ust or "ust not do'/ /0orry/, I re%lied' /5ou would not say that to Anna, would you;/ /.hat+s an entirely different thing/, he said' /5ou are !eginning to think like "e, so I feel free to correct you' Anna/, he continued, /is far too young to want to offer "e any ad&ice' 0he has her own %articular way of thinking and I do find what she says to !e of so"e interest, e&en though I don+t always understand what it is that she "eans'/ .hat I was !eginning to think like hi", I took to !e a rare co"%li"ent, !ut it did see" odd to "e that if I was "ore and "ore like hi", why was it that he %aid "e so little attention or why was it that he was so interested in Anna+s way of %utting things; /I had ho%ed/, he said, /that you would ha&e !rought her with you' 3idn+t you think of that;/ /2f course I did,/ I re%lied with a touch of anger, /!ut I thought Ara!ella+s tele%hone call sounded so urgent that you "ust !e ill and, well '''/ I was stu"!ling o&er "y words' /Aooh>/ he chuckled, /%ooh and %ooh again' 5ou see, #ynn, it+s ne&er too late to learn'/ I was hurt !y his re"arks' /If your !eing unwell is a %ooh thing, I'''/ /0orry, #ynn, forgi&e "e'/ /.here+s nothing to forgi&e/, I "uttered' /I+" &ery glad you ca"e' I did want to see you' I ha&e !een gi&ing so"ething a great deal of thought these last few days and I wanted to talk to you a!out the "atter'/ I was &ery relie&ed at this' It sounded to "e that he was !ack to his old self again, !ut I was totally un%re%ared for what he said ne<t' /?ouldn+t it !e nice if Anna could stay at 1ando" 4ottage for, say, a day or two;/ I was so totally sur%rised at this that I was 9uite una!le to think of an answer' /5ou look sur%rised, #ynn'/ /A !it/, I said' /5ou know, I+" not the "onster you take "e to !e' I too ha&e a heart' .he little one has ne&er !een frightened of "e and that I find &ery %leasing'/ *e did see" disa%%ointed when I told hi" that I couldn+t %ossi!ly gi&e hi" an answer right then and that I would ha&e to ask Mu" and Anna' It wasn+t &ery often that any!ody e&er said /(o/ to hi" or didn+t gi&e hi" an i""ediate answer' /I+ll "ention it, Cohn,/ I "anaged to say, /I+ll "ention it and let you know later'/ /Mention it; Mention it, young #ynn; More than "ention it' Gi&e it so"e serious thought' I+" sure that a change of scene will do her good'/ I was !eginning to feel that he was getting "e into a corner and I was una!le to get out' /.hink a!out it, #ynn/, he re"inded "e as I said good!ye' I %ro"ised I would as I "ounted "y !ike' I didn+t hurry ho"e that night' I was so sur%rised at the way things had turned out that I needed ti"e to think, and also a %int of the necessary and a !reathing s%ace and ti"e to

sort out "y thoughts !efore I got ho"e' .he "ore I thought a!out it, the "ore I looked at the %ossi!ility that he had arranged the whole thing, right down to Ara!ella+s %hone call' But no, that wasn+t his way' .here was so"ething going on that I didn+t know a!out' I+d si"%ly ha&e to talk to Mu" a!out this %u$$ling e%isode when I got !ack' It was nearly "idnight when I finally "ade it ho"e' Mu" was still u% waiting for "e in the kitchen' /?ell,/ she asked, /what news;/ /#alse alar"/, I re%lied' /*e looked 9uite all right to "e'/ 0he nodded her head as she said, /A !out of indigestion %ro!a!ly' 4an !e nasty, that can !e'/ I was still so undecided a!out the last few hours that I thought it "ight !e !etter if I s%oke of his offer, or was it a re9uest, after I had sle%t on it' Anna was sound aslee% so I wasn+t going to !e faced with an unending strea" of 9uestions this night' By the light of the street la"%, I could see her 9uite clearly and the only word that ca"e to "e at that "o"ent was innocence' After an hour or two, that was the word that ended "y waking hours' ?hate&er else, she was innocence' .hat was her' ?aking u% to "y early "orning cu% of tea !rought !y Anna, the word /innocence/ ca"e into "y "ind' Innocence' ?hat a nice word that was, e&en with all its risks' 0he sat on the side of "y !ed and kissed "e with all the fire of a young child' Innocent certainly' And then it ca"e to "e that I had ne&er reali$ed what res%onsi!ility that 9uality %laced on older %eo%le' (ot that I had any dou!t a!out Cohn at all' It was si"%ly that I had no idea why Cohn wanted to see her so "uch' Mentally, I added another word to Innocence and that was /.rust/' 2&er !reakfast we talked a!out Cohn+s re9uest' Mu" didn+t see that she would co"e to any har", and after all it would certainly "ake a change to get out of all the s"oke and dust for a few days' /5ou don+t su%%ose he+s trying to change her "ind a!out going to church, do you;/ Mu" asked "e' .hat was so"ething I had ne&er really thought a!out, !ut I was a!solutely certain that he would ne&er do a think like that' As for Anna, the thought of seeing all the ra!!its, !irds and the odd deer was &ery %leasing to her' .he fly in the oint"ent was !eing away fro" her friends ''' Bo"!o", Matt, Millie and the rest of the gang' 0he ga&e it a great deal of thought' As I got ready for work, she "ade u% her "ind' /#ynn,/ she yelled, /if you can co"e too, it would !e &ery nice' 4an you ask Mister Cohn and, say, #ynn, will you;/ I %ro"ised that I would get in touch with Cohn !efore I returned ho"e that e&ening' /.hat+s the !est %lan/, said Mu"' /I+d feel a lot easier in "y "ind to know that she wasn+t alone with strange %eo%le in a strange house, and do try and find out why the Arofessor

wants her to co"e, will you; I know she+s as !right as a !ag of !uttons, !ut I don+t know what she could %ossi!ly say that would !e of any use to hi"'/ I %ro"ised that I would do "y !est to get answers to all of these 9uestions and that we would talk a!out it "ore when I returned' Anna walked with "e to the to% of the street' /#ynn, when I get !igger, you can go to work on your tande" and I can dri&e it ho"e and then co"e and get you, like the Aosh %eo%le do, can+t I, #ynn;/ /All in good ti"e,/ I re%lied, /don+t rush growing u% too 9uickly, .ich'/ /I+" going to grow u% like you/, she said' /Cust like you>/ I was certainly &ery %leased and flattered !y her last re"ark !ut I couldn+t hel% ho%ing as I %edalled along to work that she "ight grow u% to !e a !it !etter than I was' I "anaged to finish off "y work in good ti"e that day and !y si< o+clock, knocking-off ti"e, I was ready to go' /?hat+s the rush, #ynn; ?ait for "e and I+ll treat you to a %int of wallo%/, said 4liff' /*e wants to see his lady lo&e' ?ho is it tonight, #ynn; Blonde or !runette;/ asked .ed' /(either/, I re%lied' /As a "atter of fact, it is a red-head'/ /2h>/ said 4liff, /you "ean little Anna' 1ight, #ynn;/ /1ight/, I answered' /Kee%s you !usy, don+t she' 0he+ll wreck your lo&e life if you+re not careful' ?hat+s she u% to this ti"e; ?hat does she want now; A tin of canal water or ha&e you got to %ick a !unch of flowers for her;/ /(e&er seen one like her/, said .ed' /1egular !all of fire, that+s her>/ /0he certainly is a real corker and that+s a fact/, re%lied .ed' /5ou+re right there/, I said' /?hat I want is forty-eight hours a day' .wenty-four hours )ust ain+t enough'/ 0o I %edalled out to 1ando" 4ottage' I rang the !ell at the !ack door' Ara!ella o%ened it' /#ynn,/ she e<clai"ed, /you+re ?hate&er has ha%%ened to you;/ a "ess>

It was then that I reali$ed that I was still in "y o&eralls and that I was not a &ery %retty sight to see' /4o"e in, do co"e in' 5ou+d !etter take off your shoes, though' 4an+t ha&e you tra"%ing all that oil onto "y car%et' 5ou can sit in the kitchen, !ut "ake sure you %ut that news%a%er on the chair first' I+ll fetch Cohn for you and then I+ll "ake you so"e tea' I ho%e you won+t kee% hi" too long' 2ur su%%er will !e ready soon'/

I %ro"ised that I would !e as 9uick as %ossi!le' /*ello, young #ynn/, Cohn greeted "e' /?hate&er is a"iss;/ And after looking at "e for a "o"ent and wrinkling u% his nose, he said, /Is this the latest fashion that the young are wearing these days; 5ou look a sight> ?hat can I do for you, #ynn; Money or a new %air of trousers; Aerha%s you+d like a !ath;/ *e was really going at it' *e was in one of his sarcastic "oods' I took no notice of hi"' I had heard this kind of thing all too often' I %rayed that he would ne&er ha&e this a%%roach with Anna' I did try to gi&e her "essage to hi" as gently as I could, !ut it didn+t co"e out 9uite right' /Anna said she ain+t co"ing unless I co"e too' 0o does Mu"'/ *e chuckled' /#rightened of the ogre, is that it;/ /(o,/ I re%lied, /that+s not it, !ut, well, you can !e a !it shar%-tongued at ti"es and you know it' Anyhow, what do you want to talk to her a!out;/ /.rust, trust' ?here is your trust, young #ynn; 0urely you should know "e !etter than that !y now, young #ynn;/ *e was !eginning to "ake "e asha"ed of "yself' /0orry, Cohn/, I "anaged to say' /It+s )ust that she is so &ery young and if any!ody was e&er to hurt her, I+d, well, I+d '''/ /Break the" in two/, he suggested' /3on+t worry, #ynn' I+d hel% you>/ /But, Cohn,/ I continued, /whate&er would you want to talk to her a!out; ?hat you know co"%ared with what she knows8 it )ust doesn+t "ake sense'/ /If that+s "eant to !e a co"%li"ent, I acce%t it with %leasure'/ /?hy, Cohn; ?hy, then;/ /0he+s an e<ceedingly !right young lass and will no dou!t reach a &ery high le&el, !ut it isn+t that that %u$$les "e' 0he has caused "e to look again at so"e of the things that I ha&e "issed' (ow, now, #ynn' (o re&elation' (o road to 3a"ascus or anything like that'/ /?hat then;/ /Aerha%s you+&e ne&er noticed it, #ynn' It is si"%ly the fact that she has this nice a!ility to use the right words for the right su!)ect, unlike our local =icar' I )ust like listening to her' 0he is one of the few %eo%le who "akes "e think, as you do so"eti"es'/ I felt a !it !etter after that re"ark8 that sort didn+t co"e &ery often fro" Cohn' 2n "y way ho"e I was at least satisfied that "y dear old Master would !e on his &ery !est !eha&iour and that in no way would he cause Anna any distress' I was also ha%%y to hear fro" hi" that he would !reak any!ody in two if she was in any way har"ed' It was a certain fact that she was a )oy to listen to 8 that unending %rattle and 9uestion, !ut I still had no idea e<actly what it was that he e<%ected her to say' Aerha%s I "ight )ust understand "ore fully when we went to stay with hi"' Mu" was &ery relie&ed when I had finished telling her a!out Cohn' /?ell,/ she said, /that+s all right then' ?hat do you think a!out it all then, u&ey;/ /I+" glad #ynn can co"e with "e' I wouldn+t go else'/ .hen after a "o"ent+s thought, Anna said, /4an+t Bo"!o" co"e too, #ynn; 4an+t she;/

/?ell,/ I re%lied, /I don+t really see how we could ask hi" to do that' Aerha%s another ti"e, if he asks us again' I could find out and then she "ight go with you without "e'/ /?ouldn+t go/, she said flatly' /?ouldn+t go without you'/ It+s funny how good she could "ake "e feel, and what+s "ore I did know that she "eant it, too' /0o,/ said Mu", /what+s the arrange"ent then; Going on the !ike;/ /(ot this ti"e/, I re%lied' /?e+re going !y car>/ /A real car, #ynn; A really real one;/ /5es, Mister Cohn is going to collect us here at ten o+clock ne<t 0aturday "orning and he will !ring us ho"e a!out eight o+clock on 0unday e&ening'/ /4an I go and tell Bo"!o", eh, %lease; 4an+t Bo"!o" and May co"e to Mister Cohn+s house on 0unday after tea and then he could !ring us !ack all together, can+t he;/ /?ell, he could, I su%%ose' ?e+ll ha&e to ask hi" when he co"es on 0aturday' 5ou are 9uite certain you wouldn+t like *ec and 0andy and 3oreen, 0ally, 0arah and the rest of your friends;/ /4ould they all get in the car, #ynn; 4ould they; #ynn, you+re teasing "e ain+t you;/ I nodded' /2ff you go to Bo"!o" then and "ind you+re !ack in ten "inutes'/ 0he fled down the %assage' It was always easy in our house to tell when Anna was co"ing in or going out' *er s%eed always "ade the gas light flicker' /I su%%ose/, said Mu", /I+d !etter start getting so"e clothes together'/ .hen /2h,/ she said, /what are we going to do a!out a nightie for her; I ha&en+t got the ti"e' Got any "oney in the tin;/ /A!out two %ounds I reckon/, I re%lied' /.hat+ll do fine' I can get a cou%le for that' Better get her a %air of knickers while I+" a!out it'/ /4an+t see her in a nightie "yself' 5ou know that she won+t slee% in anything !ut "y shirt'+ /I know,/ she re%lied, /!ut it is a s%ecial occasion and I wouldn+t want to e"!arrass the child'/ /.ake a lot "ore than that to e"!arrass her' 0he wouldn+t turn a hair if she hadn+t got a stitch to her !ack'/ /But still,/ she said, /they are not like us, are they; ?ith that !ig house and all that fine stuff they+&e got'/ I laughed' /(e&er thought of you as a sno!' 4ouldn+t li&e there "yself' I+d !e far too scared to touch anything'/ By se&en o+clock the ne<t "orning our clothes had !een washed and ironed' /4an I go in the street, %lease; I+&e got to say good-!ye to Bo"!o" and May'/ /0o"e %eo%le do slee%, you know/, I said' /E&en if you get u% with the !irds other %eo%le don+t' Besides, we+re not going away for e&er' 2ff you go then and try not to "ake

yourself dirty'/ /I won+t/, she %ro"ised' /#ynn,/ she yelled, /will you get "y !ag too, %lease; I "ight want so"ething'/ 0o I fetched her !ag and %laced it !eside the case' /?hate&er has she got in there;/ asked Mu"' /All her %encils and chalks I su%%ose' ?hat would she do without the";/ By a 9uarter to ten that "orning "ost of the street knew that we were to !e away for two days, and had turned out to see the "otor car' /*i #ynn>/ yelled Millie' /2ff to the "oon;/ / ooks like it, doesn+t it>/ I was )ust a!out to light u% a fag when the whirlwind struck "e a"idshi%s once again' /5ou won+t forget to ask Mister Cohn, #ynn, will you; And if he says +yes+ you can tele%hone Mr .hackeray, can+t you;/ At ten %ro"%tly Cohn turned his car into the street' /4an I get in the front #ynn; 3o you reckon Mister Cohn will let "e honk the horn;/ A few "ore /4an I+s;/ %lus a cou%le of /3o you think+s;/ and we were off' .hat was, of course, after she had finished her sy"%hony on the horn, and with Anna directing Cohn as to which way he "ust go, since she certainly wasn+t going to let any of her friends "iss seeing her in a car' ?ith "e s%read out co"forta!ly o&er the large !ack seat and Anna chattering ne<t to Cohn, we slowly went on our way' Cohn was a &ery careful dri&er and he needed to !e e&en "ore so at this "o"ent, for he had to duck "ore than once as she flung out an ar" to indicate so"e e&ent or situation that we %assed' / ook, Mister Cohn, look at that>/ /?hat+s that, Mister Cohn, what is it;/ But he was fully concentrating on ducking outflung ar"s and trying to get us there in one %iece' ?e got there e&entually' Cohn was thankful that he had got ho"e intact' *e had ne&er e<%erienced that kind of )ourney !efore> Ara!ella greeted us at the front door' Although we had !een there a nu"!er of ti"es !efore, we had always used the !ack door and she had ne&er shown us the house' ?e had not seen "ore than the dining-roo" and %erha%s had a %assing %eak at the sitting-roo"' /4o"e along in you two' I+ll show you to your roo"s and then you can e<%lore the house, !ut,/ she added, /%lease don+t touch anything' ?e don+t use that roo",/ she e<%lained, %ointing to a closed door, /nor that one and that one is "ine' 5ou can look at it if you want to'/ ?e were taken u%stairs' I had a dou!le !ed whilst Anna had a single' I hel%ed her %ut her clothes away in the drawer' /*ow did this get in here;/ I asked her as she drew "y shirt fro" her !ag' /.hat+s for the night ti"e, #ynn' .hat+s the shirt you gi&ed "e'/

/?hate&er ha%%ened to those two nighties I !ought you;/ /.ook +e" out>/ she e<clai"ed' /.hey were too nice for slee%ing in' I like this !est/, she continued, holding u% the shirt' Ara!ella returned )ust as Anna was holding "y shirt' It was a good one' /?hate&er ha&e you got there;/ she asked' /#or slee%ing in, don+t I, #ynn;/ I could do nothing else !ut nod "y head' /I+ll find you an old !louse of "ine/, res%onded Ara!ella' /5ou can+t go to slee% in a thing like that>/ Anna could' 0he liked it' A few "inutes later, Ara!ella returned with one of her !louses, all lace and frills in %ink and white' /5ou can ha&e that/, Anna was told' ?e didn+t really ha&e all that "uch to un%ack, so we set off to e<%lore the house' E&erything was a !it of a "ystery to Anna' 0he )ust did not understand why you went to !ed in all that frilly stuff' /I "ean, what+s the %oint if no!ody is going to see it;/ And as for all those roo"s that a%%arently were ne&er used, well, I ask you, you )ust had to !e a !it doolally to do a thing like that> As for real hot water co"ing out of a ta%> Cust fancy not ha&ing to !oil a kettle of water or light u% the co%%er> /.hey "ust !e real "illionaires, #ynn, "ustn+t they;/ /.hey are what %eo%le call +&ery co"forta!ly off/, I e<%lained' I su%%ose her !iggest sur%rise was that she was una!le to find the !ath hanging on the wall, in the !ack yard or anywhere' /3on+t they ha&e a !ath then, #ynn;+ 0o off we went u%stairs again in order to see the !athroo"' 0he tried as hard as she could to "o&e it' /It+s stuck, #ynn' *el% "e'/ It was difficult for her to acce%t the fact that I wouldn+t !e a!le to "o&e it either, for it was fi<ed' It took her a long ti"e !efore she would !elie&e that one> #or the ne<t thirty "inutes we )ust "ooched a!out the house, looking at e&erything and in all the roo"s that were not locked u%' ?e saw the new-fangled car%et cleaner, the electric !oiler, the solid fuel cooker and such like things' Anna walked with her hands held !ehind her !ack' /?hat+s u%, .ich; Got a %ain;/ /0he told "e not to touch anything, so I+" not'/ /I think she "eant don+t "ess a!out with things'/ /I+" not going to/, she re%lied' Knowing her so well after these few years, I figured that there was a thing or two not to her liking' As we walked in the garden I said, /3on+t you like it, 0weetie; ?ouldn+t you like to li&e here;/ /(o%e/, she sna%%ed at "e' /I like it ho"e with Mu" !etter> I su%%ose so"e %eo%le "ight like to li&e here, !ut not "e'/ 0he continued to tell "e why, !efore I had a chance to ask her'

/#ynn, it+s all too sort of s%ecial and all those things that you ha&e to look after that+s su%%osed to look after you, well, well you )ust ne&er get no ti"e to %lay and en)oy yourself'/ I had ne&er heard la!our-sa&ing de&ices s%oken of like that !efore, !ut I su%%ose it "ight !e true so"eti"es' 0he wasn+t at all keen either that there weren+t any trains %assing the window, nor was there any street light co"ing in' /I+" going to slee% in your roo" tonight, #ynn' .hat+s what I+" going to do and then we can talk'/ I wasn+t sure how Ara!ella would take all these criticis"s a!out her house and only ho%ed she wouldn+t ask any awkward 9uestion' Anna was sur%rised to find that Cohn had another way of doing su"s' *e had told her "athe"atics was /like %laying a ga"e/' .hat was new to her' 0he didn+t understand' *e e<%lained the difference' /?hen you %lay a ga"e in the street, "y little "aid, you can+t unkick a !all and you can+t unthrow a stone' 2nce you+&e done a thing, there is no going !ack' But with su"s and "athe"atics, there is always a way that you can go !ack'/ .hat afternoon he showed her two "o&ing fil"s he had "ade "any years %re&iously' I had ne&er seen the"' I didn+t e&en know that his "ain ho!!y was "aking fil"s' 2ne was !ased on a ga"e of draughts and the other was a ga"e of chess' (o %eo%le and no hands a%%eared in the fil"8 )ust the %ieces doing what they were su%%osed to do' It really did look like a ga"e' Because he could &ary the s%eed of the %ro)ector' *e could "ake it look like anything fro" a %ointless, di$$y "uddle to a %ro%er ga"e' Anna liked it' It was )ust like !eing two different %eo%le, one seeing things fast and the other seeing things slow' It was no wonder I got in such a "uddle with all these different Annas knocking a!out' .he one that saw things slowly, the one that saw things s%eeded u%, to say nothing of the one on this side of the road and the one on the other' *er different %ers%ecti&es were such that so"eti"es she re"inded "e of the story of 3ick .ur%in, who was seen to co"e out of the Black 0wan Inn at 5ork and ride off in se&eral directions at the sa"e ti"e> /Aint God wonderful;/ Along with so "any %eo%le in the 19IGs, Cohn was con&inced that, gi&en a few "ore years, 0cience would !e a!le to e<%lain e&erything that was worthy of e<%lanation' *e had little ti"e or inclination to !elie&e anything that wasn+t ca%a!le of %roof, or at least so"e sort of reasona!le e<%lanation' *e held to this !elief so fir"ly that on any %ossi!le occasion, he would launch into a lengthy talk on the su!)ect, along with a total dis"issal of the significance of the "ore gentle things of life around hi"' As I ha&e "entioned, !oth his house and his garden were so well organi$ed, with a %lace for e&erything and e&erything in its %ro%er %lace, that anything slightly out of order was such a !light on the total organi$ation that it had to !e %ut right instantly' Anna &iewed this order with sus%icion and sadness' /It+s like !loody wall%a%er' It+s the sa"e thing what )ust goes on and on> 3on+t it;/ As she was looking at the garden, Cohn ca"e u% !ehind us' /3o you like it, little one;/ +(o>/ 0he was ne&er one to dodge the awkward things' /3on+t you like flowers, Mister Cohn;/ ?e were looking at !locks of red flowers, !locks of yellow flowers and that kind of thing' Cohn was "ore than a little %er%le<ed' /4an+t you see that I do; I+&e s%ent a lot of ti"e

and "oney on this garden>/ /But not lo'''>/ I knew she was going to say /lo&e the"/ !ut changed her "ind and asked Mister Cohn, /?hy don+t you let the" do what they want;/ /?hy in hea&en+s na"e should a flower want to do anything; It hasn+t the a!ility to $ant anything>/ Anna could contain her dis%leasure longer than "ost, !ut in the end she !roke out with that scornful word: /Aooh>/ 0he turned away fro" the flowers and headed for what, according to Cohn, was the untidiest %art of the garden, the %art that was going to !e tidied u% ne<t s%ring and turned into a real garden' Cohn and I followed after her' /3on+t you like "y garden, "y little "aid;/ 0he shook her head &igorously' 0he had no need to think of her answer' .hat had !een ready for a long ti"e' /Mister Cohn, it looks like a war/, was her unflattering co""ent' Aoor Cohn was co"%letely taken a!ack' /?ar;/ 0he nodded' /All the" flowers look like soldiers on %arade/, she said and "arched like a toy soldier around the !order' Cohn "anaged to restrain hi"self e<ce%t for a little /2h>/' As we went in for tea, I ho%ed Ara!ella wasn+t going to ask if she liked the house' I knew that there were a few "ore /(oe+s/ lurking around so"ewhere' But she did ask' It wasn+t a /(o/ this ti"e' 0he looked around the roo" and said, /It looks like that enchanted castle' 5ou know, #ynn, like the one in the !ook you gi&ed "e'/ I didn+t re"e"!er the castle and I didn+t like the way she dragged "e into the discussion' It was a sure sign that so"ething was going to ha%%en' I got that itchy feeling again, !ut Ara!ella and Cohn didn+t understand the sign and they glowed to hear that they li&ed in an enchanted castle' .hey weren+t 9uite ready for, /5ou know, #ynn, that one where the %eo%le went to slee% for a hundred years/' I wished that I was aslee% too> 0he+d started it, so she could finish it, !ut no, she had got "e into it and all I could do was to sit it out and ho%e that their looks would soon soften> I ne&er ha&e !een a!le to work out why it is that you s%end years teaching children to !e honest and truthful and then along co"e those ti"es when you ho%e that they ha&e forgotten that teaching> It ha%%ened to "e often' I+d ho%e that she wasn+t going to !e too honest or too truthful, !ut she always was' She didn+t "ind one !it, !ut it often left "e floundering' I su%%ose it+s )ust one of those things you ha&e to %ut u% with' .he order in Cohn+s garden and house was si"ilar to the order in his "ind' .here was nothing rando" in all of this e<ce%t for the na"e' #or Ara!ella and Cohn s%ring-cleaning lasted all year and e&ery year' I "ust say I did en)oy the shar% edges of Cohn+s "ind, es%ecially

when he launched into so"e co"%licated e<%lanation, like+ the !eauty of so"e in&ol&ed geo"etric diagra" or the sha%e of a "athe"atical for"ula' .his was always a %leasure to "e, !ut it wasn+t always so for Anna' .he /0keletons/ as she called these diagra"s and for"ulae were all &ery well, !ut she was after the "eat' 0he wanted to %ut clothes on the /0keletons/ and that was what she was a!out' ?e had listened to hi" for "ost of the afternoon on one of our &isits' I wasn+t doing all that well with his e<%lanations' .he idea that sooner or later the whole thing, ato"s, stars and e&en Anna was going to !e descri!ed !y a few %hysical laws in a "athe"atical for", was a struggle for "e' I had looked at Anna fre9uently, !ut she showed no sign of distress' I thought that !y now we should ha&e had an e<%losion or two, !ut they ne&er ca"e' /Mister Cohn,/ she asked, /will you know e&erything a!out #ynn and "e too;/ /2h,/ he said, with so"e sur%rise, /I+d forgotten you were there'/ .his news was strange to her and it took her a cou%le of fi$$y drinks and the odd cake or two !efore she "anaged to stow away the i"%ortant !its of Cohn+s talk' 0he was always the "aster of the /%oor little "e act/' It always left "e feeling hel%less, !ut I knew it was a danger sign' /Mister Cohn,/ she said, /I+" such a little !it of it all, ain+t I;/ /5es, "y dear, as I a", and #ynn'/ /*ere it co"es,/ I said to "yself, /I ho%e you+re ready, Cohn'/ /Mister Cohn/, she said all too sweetly' /5es, "y dear, what is it;/ /?hy does such a little !it like "e want to understand it all; It+s such a !ig !it, ain+t it;/ Cohn tried to find the right words to answer her, !ut they )ust wouldn+t co"e out' Anna wasn+t at all frightened of !loody 0keletons and she certainly wasn+t going to gi&e u%' /?hat a!out the" flowers then, they+re littler than "e; ?hat a!out if the flowers want to understand too, what a!out it; .hat+s why they want to %lay and you won+t let the"'/ It was "ore than a 9uestion, "ore like an accusation, and %oor Cohn didn+t know what to do with it' It was 9uite clear to "e the way he shook his head that Cohn did not like that 9uestion at all' #or hi" it wasn+t a real 9uestion' It sounded all right to "e and I wanted to know the answer' If it was all going to end u% in a handful of laws, then it would !e nice to know why a little !it of the uni&erse should want to know and understand the rest of it' Aerha%s I had si"%ly "issed a ste% or two on the way' It see"ed to "e that Cohn had discarded Mister God so co"%letely that I ne&er did gras% the difference !etween a uni&erse that understood itself and the Mister God that Anna talked a!out' It see"ed to "e, at ti"es, that they were like a cou%le of !ridge !uilders, trying to !uild a !ridge across a chas", and they had left "e stuck in the "iddle, )ust hanging on with nowhere to %ut "y feet down' It was strange to !e sandwiched !etween this %air, old Cohn so full of knowledge and logic !ut so short of

i"agination, and that little red-headed i"%, full of in&ention and i"agination, !ut a little short on fact' But I really did want to know why the little !it wants to understand the !ig !it' ?hy should a daisy want to understand a star; 0o far as I could figure it out, the only thing that wanted to understand was the !it in the "iddle so"ewhere, the soul or the "ind' .here ne&er was such an ill-"atched %air as these two, !ut in so"e curious way they were a!le to s%ark each other off' (ot that I+" co"%laining too "uch, "ind you, !ut all this stuff was at ti"es too "uch for "e' I wasn+t doing too !adly with Cohn+s set of rules and his way of going a!out things, and I think I could )ust a!out "anage Anna+s set of rules, the red hot way, !ut it did "ean that I was in danger of either !eing fro$en to death !y Cohn or !urnt ali&e !y Anna> .here were "any ti"es when I reckoned that Anna "ust ha&e had a little kno! tucked away so"ewhere - one that I ne&er found' If she had such a kno!, I knew that the instruction would !e /0i""er gently until done and !ring to a fast rolling !oil/' But, as I didn+t know where she ke%t it and neither did any!ody else, there was always a danger of setting it at the wrong %osition, as I knew to "y cost' #or the last week or so it had !een set to the si""er %osition' .here was so"ething on her "ind' ?e were going off to ha&e tea with Cohn that afternoon, and, as we had %lenty of ti"e to s%are, I took a "ore leisurely route on the tande", )ust looking at things' Cohn greeted us at the door' /Ah> .he little !rat herself and young #ynn'/ /0ir/, she said' I had finished that kind of thing so"e ti"e ago' 0o, /*ello Cohn/' 2n the ta!le !eside his chair was an o%en atlas' /Bringing !ack old "e"ories/, he said' /I s%ent so"e ti"e there'/ *e %rodded his finger in the general direction of #rance' /?here+s +there+, Mister Cohn;/ *e turned a few %ages and %rodded again' /4an+t see your house Mister Cohn, can we;/ /(ot on this "a%' I+ll show you on another "a%'/ *e fetched a large scale ordinance "a%' /.here we are, )ust there' Cust where that road is'/ .hough she had got her own atlas, she had ne&er seen one on a different scale !efore, and for the ne<t hour or so Cohn was ke%t !usy with telling her a!out "a%s 8 that one of a scale of this "any inches to the "ile was either !etter, or "ay!e worse, than one of that "any "iles to the inch' / ook, #ynn, look at this' 3id you know that;/ /5es/, I re%lied' /5ou didn+t tell "e, did you;/ /5ou didn+t ask'/ It was at a!out this %oint that the kno! was turned to the /fast rolling !oil/ stage'

/Mister Cohn,/ she so e<%loded it was al"ost %ossi!le to see the stea" co"ing out of her ears, /Mister Cohn, if you could "ake a "a% s9uillions of "iles to the inch and then one s9uillions of inches to the "ile, you could see the" things, couldn+t you;/ /?hat things are they, "y little one;/ /.he" electron things wot #ynn reads a!out' .hen you would know if you could di&ide the", couldn+t you;/ Cohn looked at "e' All I could do was to shrug "y shoulders' 0he hadn+t 9uite finished yet' /5ou could %ut it in yer ear, couldn+t you;/ I ne&er did find out why &ery s"all things always had to get %ut in your ear' (e&er "ind' I su%%ose if you really could draw a "a% of the whole uni&erse on that kind of scale you "ight easily %ut it in your ear' Cohn really should ha&e left it there and got on with his !eer' At this rate he "ight ne&er finish it, !ut no, he )ust would go on telling her all a!out nu"!er scales, like in ordinary counting, where successi&e %laces were units, tens, hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands and so on, and the other ways where the successi&e %laces were units, threes, nines, twenty-se&en and so on and so forth, to say nothing of all the other ways of doing it' It was the idea of reduction and enlarge"ent that ca%tured Anna+s i"agination, des%ite Cohn+s insistence that it was not %ossi!le to do that kind of thing !ecause there are %hysical li"its to what the "ind can gras%' All he got was, /In your head you can, can+t you;/ .here was really no answer to that one' I was %leased that it had !een his turn and not "ine to !e the target of her ideas' I thought it was going to stay that way, !ut that was too "uch to ho%e for' /#ynn,/ she e<clai"ed, /you can do su"s with the angels, can+t you;/ /I su%%ose you "ust !e a!le to,/ I agreed, /!ut I don+t know how'/ /5ou can find out, then, can+t you; and then you can tell "e, can+t you;/ * * * .he %ro!le" with "e"ories is not that they aren+t true' It+s )ust that there+s so "uch of the" to write down' All those things that ha&e ha%%ened to "e o&er the last u"%teen years would take a!out ten or so ti"es longer to write down than they took to ha%%en' But then you don+t ha&e to %ut down the un%leasant !its, "erely the nice !its8 those little ge"s or words that were said all those years ago that "eant so "uch to "e then' I )ust don+t know if they are as true as they see"ed to "e to !e at the ti"e' 2ld Cohn+s often9uoted saying that /.rue "athe"atics is a lost art of ci&ili$ation/ or that /Mathe"atics is nothing "ore than unconscious art/' 2r Mu"+s re"ark that /.he !rain is the organ of learning and the "ind is the garden of knowledge/' .hese kinds of sayings still look fresh to "e, e&en though "y own garden of knowledge is always in danger of !eing taken o&er !y the usual cro% of weeds, and I find it takes "e a long ti"e to get rid of the"' But I+&e ne&er found a !etter way of saying things so I guess I+ll stick with the"' And then there was that lo&ely !ut strange thing that Anna had said, and that I ne&er 9uite understood' After a cou%le of years of %retty concentrated "athe"atical studies, she suddenly floored "e one night with her usual "i<ture of "aths and religion' /#ynn,/ she !egan, /it+s a funny thing, ain+t it;/ /Must !e,/ I re%lied, /!ut what is;/ /1eligion'/ 0he had thu"%ed "e on "y head'

/*ow funny;/ I asked' A few "ore thu"%s' /It reduces you in si$e and increases you in di"ensions'/ /*ey, .ich, where did you get that fro";/ /0aw it in one of your !ooks'/ I was a"a$ed that she had cottoned onto that, for it is the kind of thing that e&en if you don+t understand you don+t want to forget or throw away' It sounds so good that it "ight e&en !e true8 that is, if I can e&er figure out what it truly "eans' May!e one day I will, !ut in the "eanti"e I+ll kee% it safe> .here are so "any words inside "e' .hings that either Mu" or Anna or Cohn ha&e said' .hings that really sound so good that I don+t like to get rid of the", e&en though I don+t understand the"' But I will one day' My life was now full of %u$$les and riddles, like the occasion when Cohn was trying to tell "e the difference !etween a%%lied and %ure "athe"atics' /Cust re"e"!er, young #ynn,/ he said, /a%%lied "athe"atics is when you search for the solution to the %ro!le", !ut %ure "athe"atics, ah> that is when you search for the %ro!le" of the solution'/ It was odd that he could so often say that kind of thing, !ut found it so difficult to understand Mu" when she had told hi" that Anna wasn+t looking for a needle in a haystack, !ut rather looking for the haystack in the needle' E&en if she did change the word /haystack/ to /God/, I think I did understand' And, of course, Millie could also co"e out with the odd /doughnut saying/ that could so easily stand "e on "y head' But then I had known Millie for a!out ten years' 0he had a heart of gold and a wit to "atch' ?e had !een talking a!out lo&e' In &iew of the way that Millie "ade her "oney as a %rostitute that "ight see" a !it odd to so"e %eo%le' I said that I found it &ery difficult to understand )ust what lo&e was' /5ou had !etter ask Anna/, she had said' /I think it+s got so"ething to do with seeing in others the "ystery of yourself'/ * * * It was &ery early in 19IM' At si<teen, I was a"ong the oldest of Cohn+s students' In those days, "ost !oys left school at fourteen years of age' #or "any it was a ti"e to re)oice, to get away fro" school at long last' #or others it was a "atter of necessity to earn so"e "oney to hel% out the fa"ily' #or the" the lack of "oney was a %er%etual worry' I was one of the lucky ones, with a s"all !ursary and &arious odd )o!s' Mu" had %ersuaded "e to stay on' 0he had a )o!, too' Although we had no "oney to waste we were a lot !etter off than "ost %eo%le' I was ha%%y to continue "y education, as !y now Cohn had asked "e to de"onstrate e<%eri"ents in che"istry and %hysics against the !ackground of his lectures' 2n this day he hadn+t told "e to %re%are anything' *e lurched in in his usual way' /.oday,/ he said, /I ha&e good news for you' In a few "onths+ ti"e I retire'/ .here was the odd su!dued cheer fro" so"e !oys, !ut for "ost of us it didn+t see" %ossi!le' /As fro" that ha%%y date, Mr 4le"ent will shoulder the i"%ossi!le task of knocking sense into your heads, not that it will do any good' 0o"e of you !lockheads are so thick that I &ery "uch dou!t if anything could %enetrate those dark recesses of your "inds'/ *e was in his sarcastic "ood again and he flowed on for ten "inutes or so' /Ah well,/ he ended, /it will no longer !e "y res%onsi!ility' In the "eanti"e, we ha&e "uch to do and

do it you will'/ My world had suddenly shifted its or!it' I wasn+t at all ha%%y a!out this une<%ected news, !ut at the "o"ent I didn+t know how Cohn+s retire"ent was going to affect "e' It didn+t see" %ossi!le that I wasn+t going to see hi" e&ery day' As "y father had died so early on in "y life it was Cohn that I had taken "y %u$$les and %ro!le"s to, and without hi" ''' I guess I lo&ed that old grouch, !ut I wasn+t going to tell hi"' ?e were to asse"!le in the !ig hall to !id hi" farewell and to see the usual %resentation' I couldn+t face that' It was too "uch' I didn+t turn u%' I wasn+t going to cry, not in front of e&ery!ody' If I wanted to !loody well cry I+d do it alone' I had a &ery s%ecial %lace I went to on i"%ortant occasions - one of the little !ridges o&er the canal' (o!ody used it &ery often' It was tucked away down a !ack street, with a nice &iew o&er the %ark' I had sat straddled across the %ara%et for hours doing nothing "uch' I couldn+t think what ca"e ne<t' I knew that so"e!ody had called "y na"e !ut hell, so what; /#ynn, #ynn, where the de&il are you; 3on+t !e a !loody fool' 0%eak u%, Boy> 0%eak u%> I ha&en+t got all day to waste for an answer>/ .he sa"e old i"%atient Master walked o&er the !ridge and stood !eside "e' /?hat, no good!yes, young #ynn; Aren+t I worth a good!ye;/ /Bugger off>/ I s%at at hi"' /Cust !ugger off'/ I didn+t "ean to say that and I regretted "y words i""ediately' I wanted to say so"ething else !ut I couldn+t' /?ho told you I was here; ?hy can+t you lea&e "e alone;/ /I asked your "other' 0he told "e' It+s a nice %lace to co"e to when you want to think, isn+t it; As for your words, I do understand' I really do' E&en at "y ri%e old age' I understand' My car is only )ust down the road' et+s go for a little )aunt, shall we, and we can ha&e a long talk'/ 0eated in the car he had taken "y hand in his' *e had ne&er done that !efore' .he only ti"es he touched "e had !een with that three-foot length of !unsen !urner tu!ing when he %unished "e, which was often' /?hat+s !othering you, #ynn; ?hat+s on your "ind;/ ?ith "y hand in his I still couldn+t say the words I wanted to' All I "anaged to say were the words of a child, a lost child' /I won+t see you again, will I;/ /2h that,/ he said, /don+t worry a!out that' I don+t intend that to ha%%en'/ ?e dro&e slowly through the %ark and headed off across the "arshes' /?hat+s your %lan;/ /0u%%ose I+ll ha&e to get a )o!'/ /3on+t !e too hasty' .here+s %lenty of ti"e' #inish off your education and then wait until after the ter" ends' Mister 4le"ent won+t !ully you like I ha&e done and he really does know his su!)ect' And as for not seeing "e - you know where I li&e, you know "y tele%hone nu"!er and it+s hardly any distance at all to 1ando" 4ottage, and you can co"e to see "e at any ti"e at all' In fact, not only "ay you co"e, I ask you to co"e' 5ou can still %ursue your studies with "e' 5ou ha&e the %ro"ise of good things and well ''' )ust co"e whene&er you like' Is that what you want;/ .hat was what I wanted' It felt like

old ti"es again' /I+&e %acked "y %ersuader/, he chuckled' /I couldn+t !e without that'/ 0o it was that, although I didn+t see Cohn so often, I did see hi" for "ore hours in the week than I had %re&iously done' It was 9uite true what Cohn had said' Mr 4le"ent really was a nice %erson and certainly he knew his su!)ect' I su%%ose it was !ecause the %ersuader was no longer there that it ha%%ened that after a nu"!er of ela!orate %ractical )okes and one thing and another, I was %olitely asked to lea&e the school' *ad 2ld Cohn still !een there with his trusty %ersuader, I would ha&e had to do "y studies standing u%' But it wasn+t like that any longer' .hings had changed a !it' ?ith Cohn, %unish"ent was o&er and done with 9uickly, !ut !eing re%orted was 9uite another "atter' ?e all "issed the %ersuader and it really didn+t hurt all that "uch' Cohn had ne&er said /this hurts "e "ore than it hurts you/' *e knew !etter, and so far as he was concerned it was su%%osed to hurt and he was no weakling, es%ecially not with the old %ersuader in his hand' I had co"%lained on one occasion when it caught "e in the wrong %lace and he didn+t a%ologi$e' (ot hi"' / ast week,/ he said, /after that rugger "atch, you were not a &ery %retty sight with a "issing front tooth, a !eautiful !lack eye and a nose !leed' And you en)oyed yourself> I+" "erely trying to gi&e you "ore %leasure - so"ething "ore you can !rag a!out'/ 0uddenly I was out to work, "eeting other %eo%le and "aking other friends' And then there was Anna as well' After a &ery few "eetings with Anna, Cohn was con&inced of one thing, as he told "e one e&ening when I had gone o&er to see hi"' /.his untutored and uncontrolled talent of Anna+s really "ust !e hel%ed to de&elo% in an orderly fashion'/ /0ure/, I re%lied' /*ow do you go a!out doing that;/ /0he needs %ro%er teaching/, he said' /I know you+&e done your !est to hel% her, young #ynn, !ut you will surely agree that you ha&en+t !een trained to teach her, ha&e you;/ I had to ad"it that the only training that I had had was as one of his %u%ils' /I know that I taught you, !ut that was how to learn, not how to teach'/ I wanted to gi&e Cohn a good answer to that, !ut the words would not co"e' 0o far as I could "ake out, Anna and I "anaged to teach each other' ?e were !oth 0tudents and .eachers, and the "ost i"%ortant thing for "e was to !e the 0tudent and her the .eacher' I didn+t tell hi" that' It wasn+t the kind of thing to say to a "an with all that e<%erience and knowledge, so I didn+t !other to say anything' /Although I a" now retired, I a" &ery willing to hel% her with her studies'/ /5ou+ll ha&e to talk to Mu" first and see what she says/, I told hi"' /And you+ll ha&e to talk to Anna, too'/ /(o, #ynn, I will certainly talk to your "other, !ut you will ha&e to %ersuade the child'/ I agreed to talk to Anna, !ut I wasn+t going to %ress her into it' .o tell the truth, I wasn+t at all keen on this idea of Cohn+s !ut I would ne&er stand in her way, if that was what she really wanted' I )ust wanted to do whate&er was !est for Anna' It took us a few days to sort it all out' Mu" finally agreed that it was worth a try for a little while, to see how it went' It was "ore difficult to talk to Anna a!out it' *er first res%onse was /(o/' /3on+t you want to learn;/, I asked her' /4ourse I do'/ /.hen why the +(o+;/

.he way she e<%lained it all to "e "ade it sound si"%le, and I reckon Mister God saw the sense in it too, !ut I had a feeling that Cohn wouldn+t' *is insistence that e&erything had to !e neat and tidy was "atched !y Anna+s insistence that it shouldn+t' .hey were %oles a%art' @nlike Cohn, I had gi&en u% any atte"%t to understand the way Anna+s "ind worked so"e ti"e ago' I was content )ust to let things ha%%en, and rescue her, if I could, fro" whate&er "uddle she "ight get herself into' ?hen I couldn+t, Mu" was the one who understood her "ost' 0he knew that she "ight !e hurt at ti"es, !ut that+s the way it had to !e' /.here was really no safe way to grow u%/ as Mu" %ut it in her u%side down way' /.here "ight !e a safer way than this to grow older, !ut there )ust ain+t no safe way to grow u%'/ Both Mu" and Anna did this kind of thing to "e' .hey would so often answer "y si"%le 9uestion, or %u$$le, !y a harder one and I co"%lained' /I+" sur%rised you ha&en+t worked that one out yet/, she would say' 0he ne&er did ha&e "uch schooling, !ut she had %acked a lot of e<%erience into her life' *ow often she had laid her finger on "y li%s and said, /(o 9uestions, wait' .hat is too difficult to do when you are young' .hat+s what ha%%ens when you grow u%' .hat+s what life is for'/ Aoor Mu", she didn+t understand, did she; 0he &ery rarely got angry !ut she did one day in her own 9uiet way' /5ou and your %recious Master> .he %air of you "ake "e sick>> 5ou see e&erything and understand nothing i"%ortant>>>/ /4o"e on, Mu"8 easy' ?hat does Anna do that I don+t;/ 0he had softened "y %ain !y cu%%ing "y face in her hands' 0he had s"iled when she said, /5ou ne&er notice what you see "ost often' (either does Mister Cohn' Anna does'/ 0he waited for a "o"ent or two !efore she went on /.hat+s what+s called +disco&ery+'/ *a&ing deli&ered herself of this little ge", she took a sheet of %a%er and wrote two words / ook/ and /0ee/' /.here,/ she said, /the word +look+ has got two eyes o%en and the word +see+ has got two eyes half shut'/ I thought I could see what she was on a!out, !ut this wasn+t the way that Cohn had taught "e' /.hat+s not scientific, Mu", that+s )ust fancy'/ /.hey didn+t teach you "uch, did they; 0cience is all right, !ut it+s not e&erything'/ I wasn+t going to argue with her, !ut I didn+t agree with her' /?hat is science,/ she said, /!ut the disco&ery of the rules !ehind the facts; It ne&er occurs to your %recious Mister Cohn that there is so"ething else'/ /?hat else can there !e;/ I asked' /.here+s always the facts !ehind the rules and that+s religion, that is'/

I nearly said they were )ust different sides of the sa"e coin, !ut decided against it' I was al"ost certain to get "yself into an e&en greater "uddle' .his was the %ro!le" when talking to e<%erts in /doughnut s%eech/' * * * ?hen I got ho"e it was all o&er' Arthur had arri&ed safe and sound, (urse .urner was satisfied and "ost of the %eo%le who had waited around outside Mrs Cones+s front door had left' .he only %erson in the street who had only a &ague idea of all the e<cite"ent and dra"a was "e, and I was soon to learn' /#ynn, ha&e you e&er seen a !a!y co"e out;/ /2ut; 2ut of what;/ /#ynn don+t !e silly' 5ou know, !orn'/ /(o, !a!ies I ne&er ha&e' Kittens I ha&e' Au%%ies I ha&e' But !a!ies ne&er' ?hy;/ /3o you know what they do;/ /(o, what;/ /.hey turn it u%side down and s"ack its !u"' .hat+s what they do'/ /?hat would they want to do a thing like that for;/ I asked' /3on+t know' .he nurse didn+t tell "e' I wonder why they turn it u%side down;/ .his turning of a thing u%side down was so"ething Anna understood &ery well' It "ade you see things %ro%erly, so %erha%s turning a !a!y u%side down wasn+t a !ad way for it to start off its life' But s"acking its !u" she wasn+t sure of' It was all real doughnut stuff' I wondered if Cohn was ready for this kind of stuff' *e surely "ust know a!out it' ?hat would he do when it ha%%ened to hi"; I reckoned it was going to' Cohn did see" to !e &ery confident that teaching Anna was going to !e a fairly straightforward thing to do' *e was in for a sur%rise, I guess' .he first week went 9uite well' .here were, of course, the odd hold u%s !ut nothing "uch e<ce%t the full !last of her %u$$les on our way ho"e' * * * 2n those )ourneys I always took the safe route !ecause the way Anna wriggled a!out on "y handle!ars "ade the canal route tricky' /#ynn, Mister Cohn took "y %icture today and, #ynn, I really and truly was u%side down' E&erything is'/ Cohn+s large %late ca"era definitely showed things to !e u%side down' Either that, or she was' And, at that ti"e, she didn+t know which' ?hat with !eing u%side down so"eti"es and !ack to front in a looking glass, it was going to take 9uite a !it of working out and if Cohn wasn+t &ery careful, he was going to find hi"self turned inside out too> /Know why it+s u%side down and inside out, #ynn; 5ou know why;/ /.ell "e when we get ho"e, not now, or you+ll ha&e us !oth !ase o&er a%e< in the "iddle of the road'/

ittle things like that were of lesser i"%ortance to her than telling "e why e&erything, e&erything was u%side down' +/4os,/ she yelled, /Mister God ain+t finished us yet'/ /If you don+t sit still,/ I told her, /he+s ne&er going to get a chance'/ /#ynn, when we get finished %ro%erly, then we will all !e the right way u%'/ I was glad to know that' It was a real co"fort to "e> 2&er our su%%er we were treated to her nonsto% chatter on the finer %oints of di&iding one fraction !y another' All you had to do was to turn one of the" u%side down, or was it !oth of the"; 0he couldn+t 9uite re"e"!er and %erha%s it didn+t "atter' It ca"e as no sur%rise to her, this !usiness of turning things u%side down in order to understand the"' 0he was an e<%ert in that kind of thing, and so was Mu" with her /doughnut s%eech/' I was a little en&ious of Cohn in his teaching of Anna, !ut I was co"forted !y her saying, /*e ain+t half as good as you, #ynn, he gets a !it "uddled/' I wasn+t going to tell hi" that' *e+d ne&er !elie&e "e' If she wanted to tell hi" that he got a !it "uddled she would ha&e to do it herself' .he first week of his teaching had gone off fairly well, e<ce%t, that is, the s"all "atter of li&ing u%side down' *e had had no e<%erience of that' .he second week didn+t go at all well' In fact, it was a near-disaster for "e' Anna had !een showing hi" so"e of the interesting things I had shown her "onths ago' .hings with nu"!ers and a chess !oard' I had used her own words to e<%lain to her, not the kind of words you would find in a te<t !ook' #or Cohn, the right word was &ery i"%ortant, so when she called it /the thingy that #ynn showed "e/, he al"ost e<%loded' I know I should ha&e called it the !ino"ial theore", !ut I didn+t' It didn+t see" i"%ortant to "e then, !ut it did "ean that I got the rough end of his tongue' /?hy in hea&en+s na"e did you teach her that, young #ynn; 0he+s nowhere ready for that'''/ /I didn+t,/ I said, /it )ust ha%%ened' ?hat+s the trou!le, Cohn, did she get it wrong;/ /(o,/ he re%lied, /as a "atter of fact she e<%lained "ost of it 9uite !eautifully in her own words, !ut you really "ust hel% her to use the correct words otherwise she will ne&er !e understood'/ I didn+t !other to tell Cohn a!out the ti"e I had s%ent e<%laining to Anna how to use the word ter"inology: gi&ing na"es to things and ideas in &arious su!)ects' It didn+t take her a "o"ent to )u"% fro" nu"!ers to Mister God' All those &arious na"es he got called, like Allah, the A!solute, Ceho&ah weren+t really all that i"%ortant, were they; She,d stick to Mister God and words like /thingy/' Most of her friends had at least three na"es, so"e e&en had four, so it didn+t "atter what na"e they were called, they would know that you were talking to the"' If it didn+t "atter to her if she was called Anna or .ich or e&en /the !rat/, it certainly wasn+t going to "atter to Mister God one little !it, was it; It was a lot of fuss a!out nothing' Cohn was a little %ut out to !e told that he only changed the na"es, whilst #ynn changed the nu"!ers' 0he had tried to e<%lain to hi" that e&ery s9uare on the chess !oard had its own na"e, which could !e changed, and that de%ended on what you did' All that the nu"!ers did was to tell you in how "any different ways you could get there' It didn+t really "atter what you called it as long as you got there, did it; (either did he like it when I said that all I could gi&e her was a sort of life-raft, e&en though it did ha&e %lenty of holes in it' /?hat other !it of nonsense ha&e you "anaged to teach her; ?hat "ust I !eware of;/

I did tell hi" that the thing she really wanted to know was how to do su"s with the angels and %erha%s e&en Mister God too, and since no!ody knew )ust how "any fingers an angel "ight count on she did understand how the &arious nu"!er !ases worked, %owers and indices and such like' /2h, does she indeed> I will ha&e to see a!out that' (o dou!t she is &ery "uddled a!out that' I really do wish that you had left that to "e'/ *e was soon to find out that doing su"s was one thing which wasn+t too difficult once you had got the knack' It was her 9uestions afterwards that caused all the trou!le' I tried to tell hi" a!out those fifty !ald-headed "en she had asked "e a!out' .here was this church and e&ery 0unday fifty !ald-headed "en ca"e in, each "an had a nu"!er %ainted on his head, the nu"!ers fro" 1 to MG' @% in the do"e of the church was an angel with a ca"era, and e&ery 0unday he took a %icture of the nu"!ers %ainted on their heads, and e&ery 0unday they had to sit in a different order, which was all &ery well e<ce%t that she wanted to know, if the &icar was thirty years old, how old would he !e when these !ald-headed "en finally re%eated the first %attern' I did work it out for her' As far as I could figure it out, this &icar "ust ha&e !een M'F4FFN4 NE' 0o I reckoned that !y the ti"e the %attern was re%eated he would !e far too old to !e "uch concerned with it>> *e was going to !e a &ery old "an, older than Methuselah, older than good old .yrannosaurus 1e<' ?hy, if you added the ages of e&ery li&ing %erson, he+d !e a lot older that that> Aerha%s he "ight e&en !e older than ''' (o> .hat+s not %ossi!le' I knew her answer to that kind of answer' /2oh, #ynn, ain+t su"s wonderful>/ /5eah, ain+t they'/ Aarticularly if so"e!ody else did all the hard work forher' It was good for "e when she !egan to take o&er the hard work for herself' #ro" the 1e&' 4astle+s %oint of &iew, nu"!ers were totally uni"%ortant and, as for Cohn, since he didn+t !elie&e there was a God anyway, going to church was, for hi", a co"%lete waste of ti"e' As for the !ald-headed "en and her other %ro!le"s, it was si"%ly a "atter of co"!inations and %er"utations, which was all right for so"e, !ut they weren+t Anna+s words' It all left "e struggling in the "iddle so"ewhere' ?hat neither of the" see"ed to understand was so"ething &ery si"%le' At least, it was si"%le the way she %ut it' It was a different "atter when she asked "e to work it out in nu"!ers' .hat took a long ti"e' 0he knew 9uite well that if you did things with little nu"!ers they had the ha!it of suddenly !eco"ing &ery, &ery !ig nu"!ers, and &ery, &ery !ig nu"!ers were o!&iously Mister God nu"!ers' #or her they !oth see"ed to !e the sa"e thing' .he si< days of creation looked a !it different after she had finished with the"' (ot that any!ody else was i"%ressed !y her ideas' 5ou needed to !e with her whilst she e<%lained the" to really understand what she was on a!out' I didn+t know that Mister God only "ade three things on that first day' Although she had no idea what they were and e&en if there were "ore than three, it didn+t really "atter'

/.hen he went to slee%,/ she told "e, /and drea"ed how he could arrange these three things in different ways' 0o the ne<t day, when he arranged these three things, he ended u% with si< things and after that, of course, he had another little slee% and drea"ed of all the ways he could arrange si< things in their different orders'/ And she wasn+t at all sur%rised to find that the answer was 7EG' 0he ga&e u% there on the answer to her 9uestion: /*ow "any ways can you arrange 7EG things - in e&ery %ossi!le way;/ .his was a !it too "uch for her and it was for "e too> ?hat Mister God was going to do on the fifth and si<th days was so"ething only he could do' .he nu"!er was going to !e so !ig that no!ody could e&er %ossi!ly work it out' It was no wonder he was tired with all the" nu"!ers and had a rest on the se&enth day> .hough, for Anna, Mister God and &ery !ig nu"!ers were the sa"e thing, neither frightened her' .hey were !oth lo&ely and !oth &ery !eautiful, so they had to !e the sa"e, didn+t they; ?hene&er Anna really got into to% gear, there was nothing to do !ut listen until she had finished or dried u%' ?hen she was in full flood the only %lace for her to !e was sitting on "y la%' It was a !it of a sur%rise to Cohn to find her suddenly on his la%' I know that he was %leased with that, !ut as a .eacher it wasn+t the kind of thing that had ha%%ened to hi" !efore' A cou%le of hours of this was 9uite enough for any!ody and Cohn was no longer young' /5ou+d !etter take her ho"e now, #ynn, and !ring her !ack to"orrow' I need ti"e to reco&er' Although for "uch of the ti"e I didn+t know what she was talking a!out, I "ust confess I did like listening to her' It is, I su%%ose, )ust %ossi!le that her chatter "akes sense and I wanted to hear "ore of it, !ut not now' 0o take her ho"e and !ring her !ack to"orrow'/ * * * Mister Cohn, as Anna called hi", was %laying an increasing role in the life of us all, so that the day when we took Mu" along with us to see hi" could no longer !e %ut off' 0o there we all were one afternoon, drinking tea in his sitting roo", Anna !etween Mu" and "e on the sofa, and Cohn on the other side of the roo" in his fa&ourite ar"chair' It was an e<traordinary gathering, with three %eo%le who were not afraid to say what they thought and who "ight, at any "o"ent, say it' 2f course there was "e too, !ut since I was always !eing taught !y one or other of the", I didn+t really count' I was along to see fair %lay' Although I was fairly certain that this little get-together wasn+t going to end u% as a free-for-all or a !attle royal, I was sure that so"e!ody or other was going to "ake a "istake sooner or later' Mu" was fir"ly con&inced that "ost %eo%le )ust went on talking when there was nothing else to !e said' 0he did "anage to ask Cohn if all this e<tra teaching was a!solutely necessary' /5ou wouldn+t want her to grow u% like a sa&age in the )ungle, would you;/ Anna nodded her head and held "y hand' /I+" not sure of that,/ re%lied Mu", /not sure at all'/ /2h, co"e, co"e, whate&er "akes you say that;/ /?ell, I+&e ne&er had your education, !ut it does see" to "e that these so-called sa&ages don+t do so !ad after all'/ /In what way is that;/ /.hey, at least, do "anage to li&e with their de&ils and de"ons and sur&i&e, !ut we li&e

with our successes and fail so often'/ ?hat the answer to that one was, I ne&er did know' (either did Cohn' *is ne<t shot also went a !it astray: /E&ery day she is getting older and e&ery day lost is a day lost for e&er'/ .hat was a &ery !ad "istake for hi" to "ake' (o!ody else in the roo" !elie&ed that one' .hat was %ushing education far too hard' / ost days indeed,/ Mu" said, /surely there is nothing worth ha&ing in this world that is not worth waiting for'/ Mu"+s cal" and slow "anner %ut Cohn off co"%letely' 0he )ust ne&er see"ed to !e where he e<%ected her to !e' #or the ne<t thirty "inutes Cohn and Mu" tried to work out so"e sche"e to further Anna+s education' /0o,/ said Cohn finally, /what are we going to do with this e<traordinary little Miss;/ .he /e<traordinary little Miss/ giggled and %inched "e' /?hy not ask her;/, I suggested' /(ot yet/, he said' /Are you an e<traordinary little Miss;/ he asked her' /A" I, #ynn;/ /3on+t know a!out that>/ I laughed' /5ou+re a %erishing nuisance so"eti"es and if that is e<traordinary, then I guess you are>/ Cohn frowned at "y re"ark and showed his disa%%ro&al' E&entually it was decided that I was to !ring Anna to his house and whilst he was hel%ing her with her &arious lessons, I was to hel% in his large garden, doing odd )o!s a!out the %lace' 0o, instead of !agging u% sawdust and that kind of )o! that occu%ied "y s%are ti"e, he was to %ay "e "ore than "y odd )o!s did' .hat was fine with "e' Cohn wasn+t the only one to e<%ress strong &iews on how Anna should !e taught' Any "ore of it and I would !egin to think I had let her down' It see"ed e&ery!ody who ca"e in touch with her see"ed to know e<actly how it should !e done' After a few "onths of this arrange"ent, Cohn said to "e o&er a glass of !eer, /5ou know, #ynn, there is only one way to teach Anna %ro%erly, at least to teach her in the nor"al way'/ /And what+s that, Cohn;/, I asked' /I+" afraid that you+ll )ust ha&e to find the largest %ossi!le !o< there is and kee% her away fro" other %eo%le' It+s so"ething that no!ody in his right "ind would do, !ut I can see no other way' .he ha!it of asking e&ery .o", 3ick and *arry to write things down for her "eans that her little head is o%en to e&ery o%inion under the sun and e&ery crack%ot idea i"agina!le' 0he really need only ha&e one good teacher and not these hundreds of %oor ones' If only I was twenty years younger, I+d like to take her on regularly, not )ust for an occasional lesson'/ /Cohn,/ I re"inded hi", /in case you ha&e forgotten, you did teach "e for nearly fi&e years'/ /.rue, &ery true/, he sighed' /0o I can+t !e all that !ad'/ /(o,/ he agreed, /as long as you stick to one thing at a ti"e you are not too !ad'/ /Cohn, do you re"e"!er the nickna"e you had;/

/?hich one was that; I+&e had so "any in "y ti"e'/ /.he Black Knight/, I re%lied' /2h, that one/, he said' /I could ne&er understand why'/ /2h co"e on, Cohn' 0urely you know why'/ /(o, I don+t'/ /.he way that you would )u"% fro" one su!)ect to another could !e so &ery trou!leso"e'/ /2h that> But I did know what I was doing>/ /.hat+s e<actly what Anna does too and, as far as I can see, she knows what she+s doing too' 0o "ay!e I+&e got a ?hite Knight to teach "e now;/ /Aerha%s you+re right, %erha%s you+re right, and I su%%ose,/ he continued in his sarcastic way, his refuge whene&er he was lost for words, /I su%%ose you consider yourself to !e the King'/ /(ot "e,/ I grinned, /not "e' I+" )ust a %awn' My %ro!le" is )ust that I ha&e to change colour so often'/ /5our usual cle&er stuff, young #ynn>/ /Got it fro" a cle&er teacher'/ /.he thing I find so &ery %u$$ling a!out her/, he continued, /is the fact that she will not loosen her gras% on anything, e&en ru!!ish, until she understands it, to her own satisfaction that is' If there is anything in this world that "ight "ake one say I !elie&e in the hu"an soul, it+s the sheer %ersistence of the child that !affles "e' I really don+t think she would !at an eyelid if faced !y the de&il itself' (ow look what you+&e done to "e> I a" !eco"ing "audlin and senti"ental and it won+t do, #ynn, it )ust won+t do' 3o you know what she asked "e last week; 0he asked "e what I would %ray for if there was a God and, hea&en hel% "e, I told her' 5ou+ll laugh at "e, #ynn' I told her that in that case I would %ray that "y !utterfly and "oth collection could !e !rought !ack to life' It+s the one thing I feel guilty a!out' .here, you see, !etween the %air of you I+" getting a !it soft in the head, and I don+t like it'/ * * * .hen ca"e the day she ran into the garden calling "y na"e' I did "anage to catch her in "y ar"s !efore she fell into a flower !ed' /#ynn, #ynn' 4o"e 9uick' Mister Cohn fell o&er and he can+t get u%'/ *e didn+t look all that !ad when we entered the sitting roo", a little %ale %erha%s, nothing that a tankard of ale wouldn+t %ut right' But the 3octor, when he ca"e, had other ideas' *e was old, he was tired, he "ustn+t get e<cited and suddenly Anna+s e<tra teaching ca"e to an end' /?ill you %lease continue to tend the garden and do little )o!s for "e;/ he asked' /2f course I will'/ /Alease !ring the little "aid with you whene&er you co"e and a few friends too, if that is what she wants' .hey can %lay in the garden and Anna can talk to "e and we can all ha&e tea together later'/ Although Anna see"ed to ha&e a fairly fir" gri% on "any ideas, she wasn+t all that good

when it ca"e to adding u% nu"!ers' It isn+t "y strongest %oint either, for that "atter' Aerha%s it was "y lo&e of "athe"atics that "ade her feel that it was this su!)ect that was &ery i"%ortant to understand' .he %ro!le" was that at school, it was )ust one tedious round of doing su"s like adding, taking away and "ulti%lying' .hings like that' 0o far as she could see, all that kind of stuff didn+t "atter a hoot' ?hat she really wanted to do was to know how she could talk to angels, Mister God and, who knows, %erha%s e&en %eo%le who li&ed out there in the stars' .he difficulty was she )ust didn+t know how this could !e done' /#ynn,/ she said, /how can you do su"s with angels;/ I was slightly taken off !alance !y this 9uestion' I didn+t 9uite see why angels would want to do su"s' Anyway, I reckoned they didn+t ha&e ti"e for that sort of thing' 0o I answered her with, /?hy would they want to do su"s anyway;/ /3on+t know,/ she re%lied, /!ut they "ight'/ /0u%%ose so,/ I "anaged to say, /!ut I honestly don+t see why'/ 0he thought for a long "o"ent and finally said, /If they want to know how "any angels there are, how they going to do it, #ynn, how;/ /3on+t know, sweetie' I )ust ha&e no idea' I+" sure they "anage to figure it out so"e way'/ 0he wasn+t &ery i"%ressed with that answer, so she tried it a different way' /?ell, then,/ she said, /how do they know how "any %eo%le they ha&e to look after; *ow do they count, #ynn; *ow, eh;/ /0u%%ose they do it the sa"e way you do' I reckon they count on their fingers'/ /Aooh>/ was her re%ly' /Angels don+t ha&e no fingers'/ ?e were getting nowhere &ery fast with this kind of a con&ersation, so it was a!out ti"e it sto%%ed' /?ell,/ I ended u% ho%efully, /I guess they )ust ha&e to count on their feathers'/ I reali$ed as soon as I said it that it was a daft thing to say and I wished that I hadn+t said it' 0he ga&e "e one of her sad, %athetic looks and hurled another 9uestion at "e' /*ow "any feathers they got then;/ /(o idea,/ I re%lied, /I guess it "ust run into thousands'/ /Must !e funny kinds of su"s then'/ /I reckon it "ust !e/, I re%lied' Aerha%s she reali$ed that I was teasing her for, as usual, she ended u% tra%%ing "e into doing so"ething that I had no idea how to go a!out' /#ynn, can you work out how angels do su"s and Mister God too and those things out there'/ /2i> *old your horses> ?hat things out there; May!e there ain+t things out there'/ .hat was a co"%lete waste of ti"e' /But if there are, how do they count, #ynn; *ow do e&erything count; 4an+t you work it out, #ynn, and then you can tell "e'/ It looked as though she was gi&ing "e a %er"anent task'

I didn+t gi&e &ery "uch thought to the angels and their su"s' If they really wanted to do su"s, they could work it out for the"sel&es' E<ce%t for Anna+s constant re"inder, I would ha&e forgotten it altogether' Anyhow, u% to "eeting her, I had ne&er "et an angel, at least not to "y knowledge, and as for Martians and other such creatures, I was co"%letely certain I had ne&er "et any' But I did "anage to work so"ething out for her' 0o"ething that %leased her' 0o"ething that e<cited her' It was so o!&ious when I had finished it, !ut with no calculator or co"%uter around then, it was a &ery dreary and tireso"e !usiness with all that long di&ision' 0u%%ose that there is so"e angel or so"ething out there with se&en fingers to count on, all you do is to di&ide whate&er nu"!er of fingers it had got, or whate&er it counted on, !y itself, like if it has se&en fingers, di&ide se&en !y se&en and of course, that+s one' .hen you ha&e to di&ide 1 !y the nu"!er of fingers' 1 di&ided !y 7 is G'14EFM714E and that is the "agic nu"!er for se&en fingers: G'14EFM714E' After that it+s si"%le, e&en though it does take a long ti"e' All you need to do is to di&ide that "agic nu"!er !y itself, which is of course 1, then you di&ide 1 !y the "agic nu"!er and that gi&es the answer 7' .hen di&ide the 7 !y the "agic nu"!er, which takes you to 49' .hen di&ide the nu"!er 49 !y the "agic nu"!er and that+s E I4I and then )ust kee% on going < ''' < ''' <I''' <GG' E&ery nu"!er has its own /"agic nu"!er/' Cust another case of turning things u%side down' Good old God, he+s done it again> #or Anna, God was )ust fun - sheer en)oy"ent' * * * Anna+s e<cursion into the Bi!le concordance and dictionaries wasn+t always a great success' .he words she "ost wanted )ust weren+t there' 0he had looked for the word /fun/ for a long ti"e, !ut it was nowhere to !e found' 0he found the word /%lay/ all right, !ut it didn+t see" to "ean what it ought to' 5ou could %lay the harlot or the "ad %erson, !ut where were ga"es and )ust %ure fun; 0he &ery soon ca"e to the conclusion that %eo%le in the Bi!le didn+t really ha&e "uch ti"e for children' .hey always see"ed to !e killed off for so"e reason' /3on+t %eo%le like kids, #ynn;/, she had asked "e one e&ening' /2f course they do,/ I re%lied' /As far as I+" concerned there+s only one thing wrong with the"'/ /?hat, #ynn;/, she asked' /.oo "any darned 9uestions>/, I re%lied' /2h'/ 0he looked at "e' /?hat+s that, #ynn;/ /.hey ne&er sto% asking 9uestions/, I grinned at her' 0he s%ent a lot of ti"e looking for what she called the &ery i"%ortant words in the Bi!le8 kids+ words, that is, not grown-u% ones' It did see" so &ery strange to her that when you consider )ust how nice Mister God was, there ought to !e "any "ore laughing words and ha%%y words in the Bi!le' But she could ne&er find )ust the ones she wanted' .he =icar wasn+t "uch of a hel%, neither was Miss *aynes'

/5ou+re far too young to understand/, she was told' /?ait until you grow u%'/ /#ynn,/ she asked, /do e&ery!ody ha&e to grow u% !efore they know Mister God;/ /3on+t su%%ose it works like that/, I "ur"ured' /.hen how does it work, #ynn; *ow then;/ /?ell,/ I re%lied hesitantly, /I guess the =icar "eant understand Mister God, not kno$ Mister God'/ /2h'/ /0o"eti"es, .ich, I think it+s a whole lot easier for kids to know Mister God than it is for grown u%s'/ /?hy, #ynn;/ she %ersisted' /?hy;/ I didn+t 9uite know the answer to that one, so I )ust had to "ake it u%' /?ell,/ I !egan, /I reckon grown u%s ha&e often got so "any %ro!le"s of their own that they )ust ha&en+t got ti"e to ''' er ''' er '''/ /Alay;/, she suggested' /Alay with Mister God' Eh; Alay;/ /0o"ething like that/, I said' /@"' Grown-u% %eo%le "ake church so, well, serious that they ne&er ha&e ti"e to %lay, do they, #ynn;/ /I guess you+re )ust a!out right on that one, lu&/, I re%lied' /.oo !usy trying to earn enough "oney to %ay the !ills I guess'/ Anna didn+t really go "uch on the idea that %eo%le had no ti"e to %lay with Mister God' 0o far as she could understand the Bi!le and all the church ser&ices she had attended, it was often "ore frightening than )oyful and she lost no o%%ortunity in saying so' /#ynn,/ she said, /is that why Mister Cohn don+t like Mister God;/ /?ell,/ I re%lied uncertainly, /I don+t think Mister Cohn doesn+t like Mister God' It+s )ust, well '''/ As usual I was getting into &ery hot water and I )ust didn+t know how to get out of the "ess I was getting into' ?ith her usual %ersistence, she wasn+t going to let "e off the hook' .hese kind of 9uestions so often left "e stunned' I ne&er 9uite knew which way to turn' I tried to wriggle out of the", !ut she ne&er allowed "e to' My %ro!le" was always how to try to e<%lain things to her without destroying her own ha%%iness in Mister God' I didn+t reali$e for a long, long ti"e that nothing that I, or for that "atter, any!ody else, could say could %ossi!ly destroy ''' it wasn+t lo&e, it wasn+t awe, it was si"%ly ha%%iness' 0he )ust saw God as a !eing of %ure fun' 0he talked to Mister God in the sa"e way that she talked to "e or her dear friend Bo"!o"' 0he saw Mister God not in the way "ost %eo%le did, !ut si"%ly as her !est friend8 the kind of friend you could )ust chatter with and tell a funny story to' 5ou could show hi" things' ?ell, you could si"%ly ha&e a good old giggle with hi"' 0he ne&er could understand why it was you had to cree% a!out on ti%toes or that sort of thing when you went into church' It )ust wasn+t her' 0he could well understand that you would ha&e to do that sort of thing with &ery i"%ortant %eo%le like Kings and Hueens, !ut surely not with Mister God> All she wanted to do with Mister God was to throw herself at hi", to e<%lode with )oy' It was this s%ontaneous out!urst that grown-u% %eo%le didn+t understand and si"%ly couldn+t do' 0he reckoned that grown u%s had )ust forgotten how to %lay and it was, as she said, /a!out ti"e they !leeding well did, and Mister Cohn !leeding well didn+t/'

I did try to e<%lain to Anna that it wasn+t anything to do with not liking Mister God' It was ''' it was that Cohn )ust didn+t !elie&e that there was a God to like or not to like' *e was totally con&inced that, gi&en a few "ore years, the scientists would !e a!le to e<%lain e&erything in the uni&erse' .rying to e<%lain this kind of thought was going to !e a !it "ore than I could "anage' But she acce%ted this like a duck takes to water' It was so"e days later that she returned to this "atter' I was )ust a!out to tuck into "y fa&ourite su%%er of sausages and "ash when the fork I was lifting to "y "outh was halted in "id-flight !y her hand' /#ynn,/ she said, /you know why, don+t you;/ /I know why what;/ I "anaged to say, sneaking a 9uick "outhful' /?hy Mister Cohn don+t !elie&e Mister God is there'/ I nearly said, /?here+s there;/ !ut I didn+t' I took another 9uick "outhful instead' I "anaged to say, /(o idea, .ich' ?hy doesn+t he !elie&e that Mister God is there;/ 0he ga&e "e one of her i"%ish grins of delight' /+4os he wants to know how it all started'/ /2h, I see, that accounts for it> 3on+t you, then;/ 0he waggled her head' /(o/, she said' /It don+t "atter, do it;/ I )ust had to ask the ne<t 9uestion' /?hat do you want to know then;/ /*ow it all ends and how "e and you end>/ It was a great %u$$le to her' .he "istake %eo%le "ade thinking they looked like Mister God' 5ou end u% with a %atchwork 9uilt of a God, "ay!e !lack or white, red or yellow, and %ossi!ly so"e other colour, she hadn+t figured out' And then, of course, did it "ean that Mister God was tall or short, fat or thin; .his i"age stuff was far too dangerous to %lay a!out with' 5ou ne&er knew what you "ight end u% with' If it "eant anything at all, it "ust "ean inside not outside, e&en that wasn+t all that i"%ortant' .he really i"%ortant thing was that he could do what we e<%ected he could do and that was, for Anna, all there was to it' Anna ne&er did 9uite understand what all the fuss was a!out or why it was that so"e %eo%le )ust could not !elie&e that God was around' 0o far as she was concerned, it was a stone-!onking certainty' 0he was sure that it was !ecause of those words in the Bi!le, the !it where Mister God says, / et us "ake "an in our own i"age/' .hat+s where it all went wrong' 0he knew a lot a!out i"ages' .he circus had re&ealed her as a short, fat dwarf or a tall, thin giant in the distorted "irrors' I"ages could lead you into all sorts of trou!le and, after all, Mister God ne&er did say if he was "aking us in his outside i"age or his inside i"age and, since no!ody had e&er seen hi", how do we know what he looks like; As far as she was concerned he could look like a %ussy cat if he wanted to, or e&en a sausage roll, it was us that insisted that we looked like he did and that was what got us all "i<ed u%' 0o none of that stuff was for her> 2ne e&ening we !u"%ed into 2ld ?oody and the night %eo%le' /*e> *e> *e>/, he chortled' /If it isn+t the little darlin+ herself> 0it yerself !y "e, "y little one, and get yerself war"' Good e&ening little Miss er ''' er '''/ /It+s Anna/, she said' /Anna, of course' ittle Miss Anna' .he little lady whose na"e is the sa"e !ackwards or

forwards' *ow could I forget that; *a&e you found all your answers yet;/ /(o,/ re%lied Anna, /not yet' 0o"e, !ut not &ery "any>/ /5ou "ustn+t fret a!out that' (one of us finds "any answers' 0o"e of us none at all'/ Anna stood !efore 2ld ?oody and said, /Mister, can I ask you a 9uestion;/ /2f course you "ay, "y dear' Ask away'/ 0he war"ed her hand !efore the fire and said, /Mister, wot+s religion; Is it a!out Mister God;/ /(ow that is a &ery, &ery !ig 9uestion and I don+t think any!ody really knows the answer to that'/ /But is it really a!out Mister God;/ /*ark at that>/ chortled con&ict Bill fro" downunder' /.hat+s got you stu"%ed' Aass the !ottle o&er>/ /?ell,/ said 2ld ?oody thoughtfully, /I don+t really think it is all that "uch a!out God' It+s a!out so"ething different'/ /?ot;/ /It+s a!out an a%%oint"ent that none of us ha&e "ade' It was "ade for us'/ /2h; ?here we got to go to; /.hat+s another 9uestion I can+t gi&e an answer to' It "ight !e here, it "ight !e there, !ut I+" certain we will know when we get there'/ /And will we see Mister God when we get there;/ /.hat+s what I think/, re%lied ?oody' /*e was the one that "ade the a%%oint"ent' An a%%oint"ent in ti"e or s%ace' I know not where, neither do I care, !ut it+s there'/ I liked the idea of an a%%oint"ent that I had ne&er "ade, and knew that I would sto% !eing asked 9uestions' 0ure, she would collect a lot of ru!!ish, !ut I didn+t want her to "iss the ge"s' (or did I> #air ge"s are only found in the dust' / ittle Miss Anna, did you find your answer as to what %oetry is;/ /5es, Mister' #ynn+s Mu""y told "e'/ /And what did she say; ?ill you tell "e;/ /It+s the least said the !etter' .hat+s what #ynn+s Mu""y said'/ /I like the sound of that, I do indeed> +.he least said the !etter'+ #ynn+s Mu""y does sound a &ery nice lady'/ /0he is/, said Anna'

/But who is #ynn;/ /*e,/ she re%lied, holding "y hand' /*e+s a lucky "an'/ I nodded ha%%ily' /I know I a">/ Anna+s schooling ne&er did go along with that cal" and easy rhyth" that "ost teachers wanted, !ut her education had taken wings long !efore I had e&er "et her' As Miss *aynes once told "e, /0he always gets good "arks !ut she ne&er see"s to %ay attention to what I a" saying'/ I wanted to tell Miss *aynes that she %ro!a!ly %aid too "uch attention to what she was saying' But that would ne&er do' Anna had looked u% the word /school/ in "y dictionary long ago: /A %lace for the education of the young and a %lace where horses were trained'/ As she wasn+t a horse and certainly didn+t want to !e instructed, she didn+t want to go to school' 0he+d rather find out for herself' 0chool was a !it of a !ore' As far as Anna was concerned, !rains was the kind of stuff you could !uy in the !utcher+s sho% or, if you were lucky, ha&e on toast for tea' Many of the old ladies fir"ly !elie&ed that the "ore !rains you could eat, the cle&erer you would !eco"e' And when Miss *aynes %ersisted in telling her to use her !rains, Anna was "ore than a little sus%icious' 0o far as she was concerned, the heart was the i"%ortant thing, not the !rains' It was, for her, &ery si"%le' 0he could easily acce%t that !rains could find out things, !ut the heart was so"ething else altogether: /.hat "akes you understand things, don+t it, #ynn;/ .he whole !usiness of !rains caused "e no end of trou!le' /(o, dear, you won+t grow u% to look like a shee% if you eat shee%+s !rains, nor a cow, nor a %ig either'/ /?ill I get cle&erer if I eat the" !rains, #ynn;+ .hat was another thing I didn+t know a!out, !ut Anna could "ake it all sound so si"%le' 0he had no difficulty in acce%ting that eyes, ears and noses and the other sense organs are what %uts stuff into your !rain, and she was e9ually certain that the heart was what you used to get it out again when you wanted to look at it' Aoor Miss *aynes> Ideas a!out so"e things got /Aoohed/ out of e<istence, and she lost a!out fi&e %oints on that one, !ut then she was always losing %oints' Aity she didn+t know it' (ot that Cohn did "uch !etter either' *e was always losing %oints' It was co"forting to know that I didn+t lose as "any %oints as either Miss *aynes or Cohn' I lost so"e, !ut not as "any as they did' ?hat Miss *aynes and Cohn si"%ly did not understand was that it was all &ery well sticking stuff into the old !rain !o<8 the real %ro!le" was how to get it out again' 5ou did so often tend to lose the i"%ortant stuff, things that you ought to !e a!le to find, !ut where were they; As Mu" so often told us, /If you ha&en+t sto%%ed during the course of the day, you ha&en+t done anything worthwhile/' As so"e!ody or other has said: ?hat is this life if full of care ?e ha&e no ti"e to stand and stare;

Mu" was ne&er against learning or education e<ce%t, as she would say, /.oo "uch learning "akes %eo%le lose heart/ and, for her, losing heart was the greatest tragedy of all' ?hate&er else I "ight say a!out Mu" and Anna, that+s one thing they ne&er did' .hey ne&er lost heart' It was sto%%ing and looking again that did the trick for the"' A trick that I hadn+t 9uite "astered' * * * I did en)oy the cool wind of Cohn+s a%%roach to things, !ut I also en)oyed the war"er !ree$e of Anna+s innocence' As far as I could see, the only way to go on was to acce%t !oth sides and get on with it' At least I wasn+t the only %erson in the world to !e fuddled with life> It wasn+t the thought of all this e<tra learning that she was going to get that finally %ersuaded Anna' 1ather, it was when Cohn had said that on so"e days her friends Bo"!o" and May could co"e with her in the long school holidays' After forty years of teaching, Cohn had got the strange idea that children+s "inds were for filling u%' *e see"ed to think that her ha!it of standing with her hands on her hi%s and head tilted to one side and red hair strea"ing, was a sign that she was ready for "ore facts to !e %oured in' I really did try to tell hi" that the real reason was so that the things that she didn+t want to know could %our out> But he didn+t !elie&e "e' *e+d )ust ha&e to find out for hi"self' Miss *aynes had tried long enough, goodness knows, and all she "anaged to get was a lot "ore grey hairs> My idea was to let Anna ha&e a taste of e&erything in her own ti"e' ?e had !een to synagogues, churches and &arious kinds of cha%els, and where&er we went there was always so"e!ody who could tell you e<actly what God was, what he was thinking and e<actly what he wanted8 and "any of the !ooks in the li!rary weren+t all that "uch hel% either' Aeo%le see"ed to know e&erything there was to know a!out Mister God and then %ro"%tly forgot a!out it' It was all &ery strange' 0he really wanted to find out for herself' And I really should ha&e told Cohn that al"ost e&erything was either a /thingy/, a /wotsit/ or a /doings/, !ut that was another thing I forgot' I "ade her one of those de&ices that s%un on its a<is and "ade a series of still %ictures look as if they were in "otion' .he !ook called it Ahanakistosco%e, and as it was difficult to ask your friends if they would like to see your Ahanakistosco%e, it ended u% !eing called a /thingy/8 and e&ery!ody knew e<actly what a /thingy/ was e<ce%t, of course, the .eachers' I always see"ed to !e "aking so"ething or other for her, and I did wonder how Cohn was going to "anage on her continuous cloud!urst of 9uestions and answers' It was all &ery well if you could li&e underwater> I reckon so"e of Anna+s .eachers si"%ly got washed away in a flood of /?hy;/, /?here;/, /?hat;/ It wasn+t always %ossi!le for her to %ut her ideas into words' I often had to "ake guesses a!out things until she told "e I had got it right' And that isn+t the kind of thing "ost %eo%le ha&e got ti"e for' .hings were altogether si"%le for Anna8 understanding so"ething was when you could %lay with it' / ike Mister God,/ she told "e' *e was always ready to %lay hide and seek, !lind "an+s !uff and all that kind of thing' *e+d )ust cree% u% !ehind you and ask the 9uestion, /Guess who;/ .he fact that at "any ti"es he could look like a tree, or a cat, or e&en a Ahanakistosco%e was really neither here nor there' 5ou "ay not always know where Mister God was, !ut there was one thing that she was certain of, that he always knew where she was, and that was enough for her' Mu" %ut the whole thing in a nutshell when she told Cohn, in her own doughnut s%eech, /0he+s really not looking for a needle in a haystack, you know' It+s "ore like she+s looking for a haystack in a needle/' 5ou can+t always work that kind of thing out instantly' It takes a ti"e !efore it "akes sense and I reckoned that was where Cohn "ight ha&e a !it of trou!le'

It always ga&e "e great %leasure to see Cohn and Anna together - the old +un and the young +un' After the initial hesitation they had struck u% a dee% friendshi%' It didn+t "ake "y life any easier' In fact, it "ade it a darn sight "ore co"%licated, !ut that was fine with "e' 2ne of the %ro!le"s was the fact that whate&er Anna wanted to say or do, she said it in the si"%lest and "ost direct way %ossi!le' /I want to ha&e a %ee, #ynn, a %iddle, a %iss'/ It was all the sa"e to her' I su%%ose it was a 9uestion of age and u%!ringing, !ut it was a lot different to Cohn+s, /#ynn, I need to relie&e "yself/' Cohn would so often hide what he wanted to say !ehind so"e atin %hrase or in so"e other language' 0o it "eant that I had to s%eak two languages, his and hers8 and on "any occasions, act as an inter%reter' It wasn+t that I couldn+t understand either of the", that was si"%le enough, !ut understanding the" !oth together, that could !e a !it tough at ti"es> Most ti"es, I was a!le to listen and understand Cohn and Anna well enough, e&en though it "ight !e a !it of a struggle' It was when they got together that I so often found "yself in a flat s%in' ike a s%ectator at a tennis "atch, "y head was going fro" left to right, fro" right to left' (or"ally I could "anage it' .he %ro!le" was when "y head was going right at the sa"e ti"e as "y eyes were going left, that caused "e confusion' I wasn+t "ade to do that kind of thing and I co"%lained, !ut they !oth ignored "y co"%laints' .here was Cohn who "aintained that the things that "attered were the things we knew, the %u!lic things' Anna reckoned the only things that really "attered were the things we didn+t know, the %ri&ate things' Me; 0orry, I+" a stranger here> As usual it was Mu" who ga&e "e the clue I needed' 0he told "e that Mister Cohn needed to know the !iggest %art and Anna wanted to know the s"allest %art' Aut like that it "ade sense' After all, what do you e<%ect fro" the sort of Mu" who worked a sa"%ler, as a young girl, which read /.oo "uch of anything kills the )oys of ha&ing enough/' It hung o&er her large !rass !edstead' I had learnt that she would ne&er ha&e had the usual sentences like /Cesus lo&es "e/ or /Bless this house/' ?hen you co"e to think a!out her sa"%ler, it "akes sense and it worked out with Cohn and Anna too' 2nce I had got that secret, things were a lot easier to understand' .he large telesco%e in Cohn+s garden i"%ressed Anna well enough, and well, all the" stars and things, you+d ha&e to !e a !it of an idiot not to wonder at it all' But it was a %ity, wasn+t it, that you had to s9uash those fi&e or si< daisies in order to do so' .here were so "any ti"es when I was uncertain if I was !eing stretched or flattened> It+s a !it difficult to %ut it into words, and each ti"e I try to do so, it can sound sillier and sillier' .he only way that I could %ut it was that while Cohn had s%ent "ost of his life trying to fold the whole uni&erse into a "anagea!le %acket, Anna was, in her own way, trying to unfold the daisies to fill that e"%ty s%ace that Cohn was creating' I said it was too difficult to %ut it into words, !ut it was so"ething like that' All this re"inded "e of the story of, I think, the 1e&' 0idney 0"ith, who said to his Bisho%, /Is it not strange, "y ord Bisho%, that

you, !ecause of your gra&ity, will ascend to hea&en, whilst I, !ecause of "y le&ity, will descend to hell'/ #or I felt sus%ended in the "iddle, going u% and down like a yo-yo> ?hen I re%eated this one afternoon Cohn+s res%onse had !een, /Are you sure it was 0idney 0"ith who said that #ynn;/ /I+" not sure that it was>/ Anna thought that it was worth a snigger !ut really not all that i"%ortant' But "e, I thought it was good and I knew that so"e!ody had said it' And it certainly wasn+t "e and I don+t think it "attered anyway' It doesn+t to "e' I don+t gi&e a fig who said it' It had !een said and that was good enough for "e' And then there were "irrors' I use the" when I sha&e, !ut I had s%ent hours and hours with Cohn learning a!out geo"etry and "athe"atics of single and "ulti%le "irrors, and then "ore and "ore hours learning a!out the "agic of "irrors' In those days I had a !ook entitled The Mathe"atical Anal!sis o* Knots' 0o far as I was concerned a knot was what I did when I tied u% "y shoes or "y tie, !ut I read that it was "ore than that' .he si"%le once-o&er knot, called the clo&er knot, went one way, !ut its "irror i"age went the other way' I ne&er reali$ed that' .he fact that the knot and its i"age are called an /enantio"or%hic %air/ was interesting' (ot that I used that word &ery often' And then the !ook went on to say that /a"%hicheiral/ "eant fitting either hand, that socks were a"%hicheiral !ut on the other hand, glo&es and shoes were not' 2h> ?here did this /other hand/ co"e fro"; .hat+s another thing I had ne&er noticed' I nearly ga&e u% when I was infor"ed that so"ething a!out these knots could !e e<%ressed analytically in its si"%lest for" !y the relation that follows: <K 1 yK 1 <K 1 y < y<K 1 yK 1 <y<yK 1 <K 1 yK 1 <yK 1 > I was i"%ressed to know that this was the si"%lest way of e<%ressing it>> And I was glad to know that I had learnt to tie a knot a long ti"e !efore I had read the !ook> 2therwise I dou!t if I could e&er ha&e tied u% "y shoes> But it re"inded "e so "uch of Cohn and Anna' ?as it )ust %ossi!le that they were re&erse i"ages of each other' It was a day like any other day at ho"e when it started' (o green clouds, no "anna fro" hea&en, not a shower of %ound notes to !e seen anywhere, )ust a s"iling-faced Anna with a "orning cu% of tea and the sound of the "ilk"an, the train going !y, the usual factory chi"neys gi&ing out the s"oke and soot' As I said, it was )ust %lain usual, a!solutely nothing to raise the flags a!out, !ut it turned out to !e the day when /it/ ha%%ened' I was going to do a !it of digging for Cohn, and Anna was to co"e with "e' I took the tande" into the street, %u"%ed u% the tyres, checked the !rakes, tested the lights' Cust the co""on or garden ordinary things' (othing s%ecial' I had finished the digging around a!out lunchti"e, listening to Anna+s chatter' Ara!ella asked us to stay for lunch, so that was fine' After lunch, we sat in the sitting-roo" and talked a!out nothing in %articular, Anna looking at a large %icture !ook, Ara!ella !usy "ending so"ething' Cohn and I each had a %int of !eer and were )ust idly talking a!out this, that and the other' (othing of great i"%ortance, !ut whether trees "ight ha&e any "eans at all of co""unication with each other' /(o,/ he had corrected "e, /they don+t know each other, that would !e too "uch' .hey can+t %ossi!ly know anything, they were not "ade that way'/ /.here "ight !e so"e %ossi!ility that they could co""unicate with each other in so"e

&ery %ri"iti&e way' I wonder what they would talk a!out if they could;/ /.he usual things, I su%%ose/, giggled Cohn' / +.he weather is not 9uite right+, +the children are "ore like "other than father+, )ust silly nor"al things'/ I+" certain that Anna had not heard a word of this con&ersation' 0he was far too !usy with her !ook' Ara!ella %aid us no attention at all' .his kind of con&ersation was so far !eneath her as to !e al"ost out of sight' 5ou see, nor"al, )ust %lain e&ery day nor"al' Anna drifted o&er and sat on the ar" of "y chair' /*i, .ich/, I greeted her' /?hat+s to do; All right;/ 0he nodded and s"iled at Cohn' 0he walked around the roo" once or twice, stood in front of "e )ust looking, and suddenly without any warning flung herself into "y ar"s' 2f course we were alar"ed' It was so unlike her, e&en Ara!ella unfro$e a !it and was ready to gi&e out with the co"fort' I held Anna tight in "y ar"s for so"e "inutes until she wriggled free and there she stood, grinning down at "e' /5ou scared "e, .ich/, I said' /5ou sure you+re all right;/ /I+" good, #ynn' I+" good' Cust want to say so"ething to you, that+s all'+ /0ure thing, lu&/, I answered her' /#ire away' I+" all yours'/ It was then that /it/ ha%%ened' .he "o"ent when that sitting-roo" held one &ery certain child and three unco"%rehending grown u%s' 0he uttered no "ore than fifteen ordinary words and the world see"ed to stand still' All she said was, /#ynn, you ha&e to know "uch "ore to !e silent than you do to kee% talking'/ Cohn looked at "e in a da$ed fashion' Ara!ella sto%%ed her "ending and stood u%' /?ell/, she said, and nothing "ore' Cohn was struck du"!' .here were no words that I could find for that "o"ent either' I did "anage to find "y tongue a few "inutes later, !ut all that I could "anage to say was, /?here did you find that one fro";/ /3unno, !ut it+s true ain+t it, #ynn; Ain+t it true;/ /0u%%ose it "ust ha&e co"e fro" one of the %eo%le she+s always %estering to write it down !ig' I can+t see how else she could ha&e %ut that sentence together'/ And I ne&er did find out how she ca"e !y it' Aerha%s she worked it out' I )ust don+t know' I do know that Cohn ne&er ceased to 9uote it to %eo%le' It had a %rofound effect on hi"' /It was then that it changed/, he would say' As "ost of Anna+s little stories and her workings out were done sitting on "y la% or when she had gone to !ed, I knew the" all !y heart' Most of the" had a little sting in the" so"ewhere, !ut not e&ery!ody saw it' It was after we had finished tea one afternoon when Cohn said, /?ill you tell "e a story, little one; I ha&e heard a lot a!out your stories'/ /5es, Mister Cohn' ?hat one shall I tell you;/ /?hiche&er one you like'/ /?ould you like "e to tell you a!out the "ice, or the one a!out hea&en;/ /I think,/ he said, /the one a!out the "ice would do &ery well' 5ou can tell "e the one a!out hea&en another day'/ /0ay when you+re ready then, Mister Cohn, and then I+ll start'/ /I+" ready, Anna, so you "ay start'/ /.his king/, she !egan, /had lots and lots of )ewels and crowns and things like that' .hen one day the !iggest dia"ond of all fell out on the floor !ut no!ody could e&er find it again' .he 9ueen couldn+t find it and the %rincess couldn+t find it' Cust no!ody could find

it, so in the end they all had to go to !ed' (ow in the "iddle of the night, a little "ouse was looking for so"ething to eat and he saw this dia"ond where no!ody could find it and he tried to %ush it to the hole where he li&ed, !ut he couldn+t "o&e it a !it' 0o then he went to find his friend to co"e and hel% hi", and they %ushed and %ushed and %ushed and they couldn+t do it' 0o they went to get so"e "ore friends to hel% too, !ut they still couldn+t "o&e it' 0o they called for so"e "ore friends to co"e and then there were hundreds of "ice, all %ushing this dia"ond and in the end it started to "o&e and they all %ushed all night long and in the end they %ushed it down a hole and no!ody e&er saw it again' It was lost for e&er'/ /I see,/ said Cohn, /so that is the end of that little story, is it;/ /(o, Mister Cohn' .hat+s only the start of it' I ha&en+t finished yet' 5ou+&e got to wait for the end of the story and I ha&en+t got there yet>/ /I+" sorry, Anna,/ he said a little a!ashed, /%erha%s I+" a little too i"%atient'/ *er /5es, Mister Cohn,/ turned hi" a dee% cri"son' /Alease go on'/ /?ell then, the "ouses couldn+t find it either, cos it had fallen down a &ery dee% hole and they couldn+t get down it' .hen, Mister Cohn, one of the "ice said to the first "ouse, +?hat did we all %ush it for;+ And do you know, Mister Cohn, no!ody could tell why they had worked so hard> (o!ody could say why they did it at all> 5ou couldn+t eat it, could you; And no!ody knew what you could do with it' It was a &ery silly thing for all the" "ouses to do, wasn+t it, Mister Cohn; And it was only !ecause a king wanted to look i"%ortant first of all' And that+s the end of the story of all the" silly "ouses' But it+s like %eo%le too, ain+t it, #ynn;/ I was used to !eing gi&en the hard !its to sort out afterwards, so I was ready for any 9uestion that Cohn "ight ask' I think he got lost with all those "ice dashing a!out, for he ne&er said a word until Anna had gone out into the garden' /I su%%ose, #ynn, she+s saying that "any %eo%le do useless things and ha&e no idea why they are doing the"' Is that it;/ /5ou said it, Cohn, not "e/, I laughed' /.hen why didn+t she talk a!out %eo%le not "ice;/ /Aerha%s, Cohn, if she had talked a!out %eo%le, you "ight not ha&e !elie&ed her' It+s a lot easier to !elie&e "ice are silly, rather than %eo%le'/ /Aerha%s you+re right, #ynn' I really "ust wait for the end of stories, "ustn+t I;/ * * * 2f all the odd )o!s I did in "y s%are ti"e, the one I en)oyed the "ost was dri&ing the Baker+s horse and &an !ack to the de%ot, little "ore than four "iles away, and I could earn anything !etween two shillings and si<%ence and four shillings a ti"e' Money for old ro%e' .here was nothing difficult in dri&ing 2ld .o"' *e knew his way ho"e !etter than I did' 2n so"e occasions, when the dri&er, after a night out, didn+t feel u% to it, I did take on the whole round' I could "ake as "uch as 1EJNd for that, which wasn+t !ad going' .o" was so certain of the deli&ery round that he always sto%%ed at the right %a&e"ent' ?ith !oth front legs on the %a&e"ent and neck outstretched he waited for his tit!it, a no! of sugar, a carrot or an old stale !un' *e would not "o&e until he had !een gi&en it' If .o" had !een a!le to count "oney, I would ha&e !een out of a )o!' I often told hi" he was )ust an old flea-!ag, !ut he didn+t understand "e, or if he did, he took no notice' *e was li&ing in clo&er with all these e<tras and he got all the %ats and strokes' (o!ody e&er did that to "e' *is attitude to "e so"eti"es "ade "e feel 9uite useless'

#red had told "e often enough, !ut so"ehow I always forgot when the ti"e ca"e' /(e&er turn your !ack on hi", that+s the one thing he doesn+t like'/ I could take his harness off, gi&e hi" a !rush down, feed hi" and water hi" and then turn away to lock the stall' *e+d %ut his head in the s"all of "y !ack and, with a twist and a sho&e, send "e flying across the sta!le' If he had any sense "ay!e I could ha&e reasoned with hi", !ut he ne&er could understand "e, not e&en when I called hi" a flea-!ag' .hat dratted horse could "ake "e feel so s"all at ti"es, es%ecially when the others laughed at the nu"!er of ti"es he !owled "e o&er' .here was one (o&e"!er day when I was certain that "y shrinkage was !eginning to show' ?e had one of those (o&e"!er fogs, not the ordinary ones, !ut a /%ea-sou%er/, those fogs when you took two ste%s outside your front door and were i""ediately lost' (o!ody could see the street na"es and the street lights were nothing "ore than a greenish fu$$' It wasn+t that you couldn+t see your hand in front of your face, you )ust couldn+t see it anywhere' .his %articular e&ening it was so thick that you could ha&e nailed a %lank of wood to it, or leant a ladder against it and cli"!ed it' 0o"e of the kids could "ake a few %ennies on nights like this' ?ith a %araffin la"% they could walk the cur! directing a lost !us or a lonely car or two' (o!ody knew where they were' /A" I all right for the Broadway, "ate;/ /3on+t know, chu", I think it+s the other way, !ut I+" not sure'/ E&entually I did find "y way !ack ho"e' /?hat a night>/ I co"%lained to Mu"' /It+s a real stinker>/ /Glad I+" in' It+s not a night to !e out'/ /?hat+s for su%%er, Mu"; I+" )ust a!out ready for it'/ /#red 4oo%er+s not well/, she said' /*e+s got !ronchitis' 4an you take the &an !ack to the yard for hi";/ /1ight,/ I said, /!ut I "ust ha&e a cu% of tea first and I+d !etter %ut so"ething war"er on'/ /*is Missus left so"ething for your trou!le'/ 0he had left "e fi&e shillings' /(o trou!le, Mu"/, I said' /Buy yourself a tiara or so"ething'/ /A cou%le of !ags of coal would !e nice/, she re%lied' /?hat with the winter co"ing on that+ll !e right handy'/ /Good idea' I+ll %ut it !ehind the clock for you'/ /4an I co"e with you, #ynn;/, asked Anna' /.hat+s fine with "e, !ut you+d !etter ask Mu"'/

/?ell,/ said Mu", /as long as you kee% war" and don+t do anything silly, yes'/ /*ow will you "anage to get ho"e if it+s as thick as all that;/ Mu" called after us u% the %assage' /3on+t worry a!out that, Mu"/, I said' /?e+ll slee% with the horses if it doesn+t clear soon' .hey won+t "ind'/ /1ight/, she re%lied' /I+ll see you when I see you' .ake care>/ ?e closed the street door and headed u% the street' .he fog was )ust as !ad as it had !een an hour ago' /4an Bo"!o" co"e;/ asked Anna' /If she wants to, of course, she can'/ In a few "inutes, I was )oined at the to% of the street !y Bo"!o", May, (i%%er and Anna' Millie was !y the la"%%ost talking to a cou%le of her friends' /?here you lot off to;/, she asked' /.aking #red+s &an !ack to the yard for hi"; *e+s got his chest again'/ / ike to co"e for a ride, Mill; 5ou "ight not get !ack till the "orning and if it goes on like this, you+ll ha&e to slee% with the horses'/ /I+" ga"e' ead on'/ In no ti"e at all we were outside #red+s house' /I+ll )ust %o% in to ha&e a word with #red' 5ou "ight as well %ut .o"+s nose!ag on until I get !ack'/ /*e can+t go out on a night like this, #ynn' It+ll kill hi"/, said Mrs #red' /.hanks for taking .o" !ack for "e/, said #red when I went in' /Aerha%s you+ll do "y round for "e in the "orning if I don+t get in'/ /0ure I will' 5ou get so"e rest'/ /.o" will see you !ack safely'/ /1ight, #red' I+d !etter go now' I+&e got a &an load of kids waiting for "e'/ /.hat+s good' It+ll !e co"%any for you' 2h #ynn, there+s cold %ies in the locker' 5ou "ight )ust eat the" !etween you'/ 2utside the kids were waiting for "e' /#ynn,/ laughed Millie, /we+&e got a lost 4o%%er who wants a lift to the station' Any chance; It+s A4 aithwaite'/ ?e "o&ed !ack the way we had co"e and I sto%%ed the &an ne<t to the King+s *ead' /Gonna !uy so"e fi$$/, I said' /Back in a tick'/ As I cla"!ered !ack onto the seat, I heard a lady say, /I didn+t know it was going to !e like this, did I;/ /(ow we are in a fi</, ca"e the "an+s &oice' /I can+t %ossi!ly dri&e the car !ack in this'/ /.hat+s Mister Cohn, .ich/, I whis%ered to Anna' /*o% down and tell hi"'/ /*ello, Mister Cohn/, I heard her say'

/?ell !less "e' It+s the little "aid herself' Are you lost too;/ /(o, Mister Cohn'/ /?e are and I don+t see any way of getting !ack'/ /Ask #ynn' *e can do it for you'/ /#ynn> ?here is he;/ /@% here, Cohn/, I laughed' /?ould you like a lift ho"e; I+" going your way'/ /2h #ynn, could you really find your way in this;/ /(ot "e,/ I re%lied, /!ut 2ld .o" can'/ It was arranged that 3anny would dri&e Cohn+s car !ack, following 2ld .o" and the &an' Ara!ella wasn+t at all certain that she was e&er going to get ho"e again and, as for sitting !ehind a s"elly old horse, well /the indignity of it>/ Anna did "anage to tell her that e&en the King and Hueen did that kind of thing' 0he started to tell us that riding in a coach with s"art horses %ulling it was one thing, 2ld .o" and the Baker+s &an was so"ething entirely different' ?e did at last "anage to con&ince her that it was .o" and the &an or nothing' 0he wasn+t certain that I could "anage either: /I "ust sit with "y !ack to the horse' I really couldn+t !ear to watch'/ I told her that I couldn+t see either, and that didn+t hel% a !it' .he fact that she would ha&e to rely on a "ere horse, a du"! ani"al, to get her ho"e was al"ost too "uch for her' At last we "anaged to get away, 2ld .o" %lodding his steady way along the road' .here was nothing "uch I could really do, with Anna !eside "e on the !o< and the rest of the %assengers %acked in the &an' I asked Anna to get a cigarette fro" "y %ocket and lit it' ?hen Ara!ella saw that I wasn+t holding the reins in "y hand, she nearly had the &a%orus' /#ynn, do !e careful' 3on+t let it run away>/ /1un, Ara!ella; 2ld .o" hasn+t run for the last ten years' *e+s got too "uch sense for that'/ Aoor Ara!ella, for all her learning, really didn+t know &ery "uch a!out ordinary things like the way 2ld .o" was cle&er at cutting across the tra"lines, which could !e a little tricky at ti"es' I ne&er "anaged to work out e<actly how he did that, !ut I ne&er knew hi" to "ake a "istake e<ce%t on the one occasion so"e ti"e ago when I had %ulled the rein too "uch' .hat was the ti"e when I nearly had the &an o&er, !ut since then I )ust let hi" get on with it at his own %ace' A4 aithwaite dro%%ed off at the 0tation *ouse without "y needing to sto%' I asked Millie where the cold %ies were to !e found, !ut Ara!ella would ha&e none of it' /Is 3anny still with us;/, I asked' /5es #ynn/, said Bo"!o", her "outh full of %ie' /#ynn>/ /5es;/ /4an I co"e and sit !etween you and Anna;/ /0ure thing' Cust cla"!er u%'/ 0he hadn+t !een with us for "ore than a "inute or two when .o" ca"e to a sto%' /#ynn,/ Bo"!o" said, /now the horse is lost too'/

/Is he lost, #ynn; 3o you know where we are yet;/, Ara!ella %i%ed u%' /*e+s ha&ing a drink/, Bo"!o" told her' /?hat+s that noise;/ asked Ara!ella' /*e+s ha&ing a %ee too/, e<%lained Anna' (ow I knew e<actly where we were - the horse trough !y the canal !ridge' ?e weren+t doing !adly at all' ?e ought to "ake it in a!out thirty "inutes' As we tra&elled westwards away fro" all the factories, the fog thinned out )ust a !it' (ot that I could see all that "uch !etter, !ut at least the street la"%s no longer had that greenish tint to the", and it wasn+t too long !efore I %ulled .o" to a sto%' /?here are we now;/ Ara!ella asked' /*o"e, Ara!ella' 0afe and sound'/ 0he could hardly !elie&e it was true' I had to refuse her in&itation for a hot drink' 0he was a little sur%rised when I told her that we couldn+t sto%, for it was a!out ti"e 2ld .o" was tucked u% in !ed' #or Cohn and Ara!ella all ani"als were du"! creatures' 0he didn+t want to !elie&e that it was .o" who had got her ho"e safely, du"! or not' ?e "ade it to the sta!les in less than fifteen "inutes' .he fog here had lifted considera!ly' I took the harness off and wi%ed it down, ga&e .o" a good !rush down and instructed Millie and the kids how to find his food and water and )ust where to %ut the"' .hen I led .o" to his stall' I was &ery careful not to turn "y !ack on hi" that night, !ut I think he had had enough of that day and didn+t gi&e "e any trou!le at all' It didn+t take us long to "ake u% a co"forta!le !ed for the night' Ar"fuls of hay, a nu"!er of horse !lankets and the odd !ag of oats, and we were ready for slee%' E&en Anna was reduced to a sentence or two' /#ynn, Cesus was !orn in a %lace like this, wasn+t he;/ /3on+t think it was as nice as this/, I yawned' /2h, don+t su%%ose so'/ A little chorus of good nights were e<changed and I think the last thing I re"e"!ered was her /Good night, Mister God/' I woke u% ne<t "orning with so"e!ody trying to %oke "y !rains out with a straw in "y ear' /*i, #ynn, ti"e to wake u%>/ /Millie, what+s to do; 0to% %oking "y ear, will you; ?here ha&e the kids got to;/ Aeals of laughter fro" outside in the &an yard told "e all I wanted to know' /?hat day is it, Millie;/ /0aturday ''' all day long'/ /.hat+s so"ething/, I said' /Any idea what the ti"e is;/ /Cust after si<' .he church clock )ust struck'/ /0u%%ose we+d !etter get a "o&e on then' *as #red !een in;/ /*a&en+t seen any!ody at all'/ /Gi&e "e a hand, Millie' I+" stuck'/ ?ith her hel% I got to "y feet' 0o far as I could figure it out, I had only sto%%ed for fi&e or si< hours out of the last thirty-si<' I was a !it washed out'

.he fore"an and a cou%le of ladies were in the yard with the kids, who were filling the"sel&es with cakes and tea' /.hanks for !ringing the &an !ack' .here weren+t all that "any who "ade it last night' A regular stinker wasn+t it; I+&e had a "essage fro" #red' *e says if you can do his round for hi" today he can !ring the &an !ack tonight' .he fog has cleared u% nicely and it looks like it+s going to !e a nice day' I+&e "ade the 0aturday !ook u% for you, and your young hel%ers are %acking the &an now' Aerha%s you had !etter look it o&er so that you know where the stuff is'/ *e sli%%ed a ten shilling note into "y hand' /.hanks,/ he said, /once again'/ /I "ust ha&e a drink and a !ite !efore we set off'/ /Mary,/ he called, /you can !ring the young lady too'/ Millie arri&ed looking s%ic and s%an as usual' /0ur%rising what a lick of %owder and %aint can do for a girl, ain+t it, #ynn;/ /5ou look all right to "e without it'/ /.hanks, #ynn' 3on+t sto%, tell "e "ore> 5ou+ll get yourself a !ad na"e one of these days, #ynn'/ /*ow co"e;/, I asked her' /If the street e&er gets to hear that you s%ent the night in !ed with four young ladies, your na"e will !e "ud>/

.he na"e of Cohn+s house, 1ando" 4ottage, had %u$$led Anna for a long ti"e' It didn+t see" to "ean anything at all' If it had !een called /.he arches/ or /*ill =iew/ or so"ething like that, that would ha&e !een fine' 0he could ha&e understood 11E that' But /1ando"/, I ask you> ?hat did that "ean; 0he told "e that the &ery ne<t ti"e she saw Cohn, she was going to ask hi" why' I had !een %u$$ling "y head all week long o&er so"e !it of "athe"atics that I could not understand' 4o"e 0unday afternoon I decided I was going o&er to see Cohn !efore "y head finally ca"e off its hinges' Anna was off so"ewhere %laying with her friends' Going to Cohn and !ack certainly wouldn+t take "ore than a cou%le of hours and I+d !e !ack !efore su%%er' I would sneak off while she was !usy' .he street was full of kids %laying their &arious ga"es' As I "ade "y way to the to% of the street, /Ga"e of cricket, #ynn;/ asked *eck' /(ot now' Going to !e !usy for an hour or so'/ I had to dodge the ski%%ers, the go!stone %layers and the odd !all %layers' I had al"ost "ade it to the to% of the street when I was nearly knocked flying !y Anna' /?here are you going, #ynn; Going to Cohn 3'; Going on yer !ike;/ /(ot this ti"e' Going to run along the canal' 0ee you in a few hours ti"e, .ich'/ I ran slowly the last few yards to the to% of the street and I was )ust a!out to turn the

corner and head for the canal when the 9uick %atter of feet %ulled "e u% short, to say nothing of the %ersistent cries of /#ynn, #ynn'/ .wo young !odies thu"%ed into "e, Anna and Bo"!o"' /#ynn,/ said Anna, /why is it called that;/ /?hy+s what called what;/ /Mister Cohn+s house, why is it called that;/ /I don+t know' 5ou+d !etter ask hi" when you see hi" ne<t'/ /5ou ask hi"/, said Bo"!o"' /?hat+s it "ean, #ynn; ?hat+s it "ean;/ /.ell you when I get !ack/, and I started off again' /Meany/, said Anna' /#ynn+s an old "eany'/ After the s%ace of a !reath or two Bo"!o" )oined in the chorus' .he two of the" ran after "e with their chorus of 11I /#ynn+s a "eany, #ynn+s an old "eany/' I could ha&e got away fro" the" 9uite easily e<ce%t that I was hailed !y Millie' /*i, #ynn, what+s to do; Ainched the kids+ sweets again;/ /?here did that idea co"e fro";/, I asked' /.he way you+re !eing chased/, she gestured with her ar"s' I turned to look' .hey hurled the"sel&es at "e' Being caught off !alance I ended u% none too elegantly or gently face down in the road' I really could ha&e got u% e<ce%t for Millie+s foot which %ressed "e flat again' If nothing else, I was now looking u%wards, not with a face full of gra&el' /.here, there, #ynn' 5ou+d !etter ha&e a rest and get your !reath !ack> 4an+t ha&e the old +uns too e<cited now, can we;/ My intention was to chase after her, !ut with her foot fir"ly on "y nose %ressing "e !ack, it was difficult for "e to do anything as she counted /N-7-F-9-2@./' /5ou+d !etter gi&e u%, #ynn' 5ou+ll ne&er win with the kind of kids you run around with'/ By this ti"e I was encircled !y faces looking down at "e' /5ou kids "ustn+t !ully #ynn, you know' *e+s not as young as he used to !e' ?hat+s he !een u% to; Ainched your lollies or su""at;/ /*e won+t do so"ething for "e, that+s what>/, said Anna' /*e+s a "eany>/ /May you !e forgi&en, you little %erisher>/ I "anaged to say !efore Millie+s foot %ushed "e !ack again' /Ask hi" again, Anna,/ giggled Millie, /ask hi" while he+s hel%less' .he way he+s going on he+ll %ro!a!ly ne&er get !ack today' Get knocked o&er !y a train or so"ething' Go on, ask hi" again' I+ll hold hi" still/, and she a%%lied a little "ore %ressure to "y face' /Ask hi" while he can still !reathe'/ It was )ust another one of those occasions that I wasn+t going to get out of' I had !etter "ake the !est of it' ?hat the %assers-!y thought of this little e%isode, I don+t know' I didn+t get any hel%' I was a little an<ious when the large dog )oined the circle and then ha%%ily went off in search of his fa&ourite la"%%ost' 114 /4o"e on, Anna, ask the 9uestion' #ynn+s co"ing !ack to life'/

/#ynn'/ 0he s%oke "y na"e in that kind of a%ologetic "elody that only children who know they are on to a sure thing can "anage' /Mercy, I gi&e u%> ?hat "eans what;/ +.hat +1ando"+ word' .hat+s what+s what' ?hat does it "ean; Ask hi">/ /2'K' Mill, lift the foot and let "e u%'/ /Always told you'it was no good trying to !e a genius' 5ou+ll co"e to a sticky end if you go on like that, #ynn'/ I didn+t think that Cohn would "ind "y telling hi" that he ne&er had this kind of %ro!le" - when I got there> 2n "y feet at last I "ade threatening signs at Millie, a %ro"ise to strangle her' /(o &iolence, %lease #ynn' 2nly trying to s%read a little light on things' ?ouldn+t "ind knowing what it "eans "yself' Gi&e with the wisdo", what does it "ean;/ /?ell, it+s a sort of ''' it+s a kind of "uddle, I guess' 0ort of no sha%e to it'/ /Gawd !li"ey, #ynn> ?hat, you "ean it+s a lot of fuss a!out nothing;/ /Ain+t intelligence wonderful;/ she said to the world at large' It wasn+t e<actly what I had wanted to say' It really needed a little "ore thought' ying with "y face %ressed into the gra&el, I had got a glea" of an idea' /3on+t worry, .ich, I+ll ask Mister Cohn and I+ll tell you what he says when I get !ack'/ /2h no you don+t> 5ou can+t wriggle out of it all that easy' It+s now or you don+t go>/ /5es, "aster' .he genie of the hand!ag is now a!out to do its stuff> .hat+s if I can find the darn thing' ?here did that darn %en go to; (e&er can find the !lessed thing when I want it'/ It was Bill who s%otted it first, %lunged his hand into Millie+s !ag and %roduced the fountain %en' I took a %eek into the hand!ag' 11M /4ri%es, what+s all this )unk for; 5ou could start a sho% with this lot'/ /5ou stick to what you think you know, genius, and kee% your nose out of "y !ag' It+s got nothing to do with you' Ain+t that right, kids;/ /?hat a!out a sheet of %a%er then; And you "ight as well dig out the ta!le and chair too while you+re a!out it>/ 0he swung her hand!ag at "e !ut "issed, which was a good thing considering all the stuff she had got in it' /Aa%er/, I de"anded' /Aa%er'/ 0he took a !ag of a%%les out of her other sho%%ing !ag and handed the" around and ga&e "e the !ag' /3on+t I get one;/ /(ot till after' If I can understand what you+re going on a!out, you "ight'/ I shook the %en &igorously o&er the %a%er !ag, which was soon co&ered !y a "ultitude of s%ots' /.hat,/ I said, handing the !ag around, /is rando", well "ore or less' It gi&es you the idea' .here is no real order' It+s kind of "essy' .here is nothing "uch you can say a!out it'/

/Bet that took a long ti"e to figure out, #ynn>/ Millie said' /4ouldn+t do it "eself> .akes !rains that does> I+" )ust a du""y> .hrilling' .hat+s what it is> 1eckon I won+t slee% for weeks after all that e<cite"ent> .akes real !rains to do so"ething you can+t talk a!out> 5ou "ust do it "ore often> Gi&e your !rains a rest>/ /Moron/, I yelled o&er "y shoulder as I fled' I decided to antici%ate her, and "ore than an hour later I reached 1ando" 4ottage' After I had e<%lained the reason and asked Anna+s 9uestion, he answeed with, /Cust luck' (othing "ore than that' 2ne of those long lost relations that fairy stories tell you a!out' (othing "ore' I was &ery lucky' It+s as si"%le as that' It was a whi", a fancy, that "ade "e gi&e it the na"e +1ando"+' 2dd, isn+t it;/, he continued, looking around the house' /It %leases "e to call it that' .here is nothing that I can 11N say a!out the word' 4hance, nothing "ore'/ E&erything in his house and garden was so well ordered that the word /rando"/ was a )oke, and he s"iled whene&er he used it' ?hen I returned ho"e, that %a%er !ag with all its dots was s%read out on the ta!le with Anna+s head down o&er it' I told her of the con&ersation I had had with Cohn and got nothing "ore than /2h/' /.hat+s the last of that/, I thought' ittle did I know how wrong I was> #or after a few days, that %a%er!ag with its dots was now a large sheet of white card!oard with e&en "ore dots' E<ce%t for the occasional, /5ou can+t say a fink a!out it/, which could ha&e "eant anything, nothing "ore was said for a while' I was nearly tra%%ed into asking her what it was that you couldn+t say anything a!out' I didn+t !ecause there was no use "essing a!out asking silly 9uestions if I didn+t know what she was on a!out' After the u"%teenth ti"e of hearing that /you could say nothing a!out it/, it was a!out ti"e to ask "y 9uestion' /0orry, .ich, no idea what you+re talking a!out' ?hat you on a!out;/ /5ou know, Mister Cohn+s house'/ /1ando" 4ottage;/ 0he nodded' /5ou know, you said you couldn+t say "uch' 5ou know, a!out the word +rando"+'/ /5ou "ean that one;/ /?ell '''/, when she said /well/ in that way it was a!out ti"e to duck' 0he darted to the cu%!oard and %ulled out the large sheet of white card!oard which was now co&ered with circles and a few coloured dots' After a ti"e to get her thoughts sorted out, she sta!!ed the red dot with her finger: /.hat+s you, #ynn, that is/' /2h, I see' 4an+t I !e so"ething i"%ortant for a change; 0o"ething &ital;/ /It is, #ynn' It is so"ething i"%ortant' And that+s "e/, %ointing to a !lue dot' /(ice to ha&e a !it of co"%any' I was !eginning to get a !it 117 lonely'/ *er s"ile was co"forting, !ut the shar% intake of her !reath "eant that I was getting a !it too fri&olous' .his wasn+t the ti"e to !e funny' .his was going to !e serious stuff' 0he "o&ed to the ?elsh 3resser and got "y !est !rass geo"etry set' (o!ody else would dare do such a thing' .hat was strictly hands off> ?hate&er it was that she was

going to say was o!&iously so i"%ortant that she didn+t ask' 0he )ust looked at "e' I did nod, !ut that was )ust for the sake of a%%earance' 0itting o%%osite "e she o%ened the lid' *er hand hesitated and she ga&e "e that look - the look of so"ething i"%ortant to co"e' /4an I, #ynn; 4an I;/ I nodded' 0he drew out the largest co"%ass in the !o<, the one with the e<tending legs' After wa&ing it a!out like the sword E<cali!ur and carefully ins%ecting the %oint with that air of concentration and re&elation to co"e, she turned her ga$e on "e' /.his,/ I thought, /is going to !e good'/ /#ynn,/ she said, %ointing at the red dot again, /that+s you'/ /I know, you told "e'/ And with that, she stuck the %oint of the co"%ass in "e, the red dot I "ean' I couldn+t hel% it, it )ust ca"e out' /2i> .hat

11F hurts>/ .hat re"ark wasn+t worth noticing' 0he was !usy o%ening the co"%ass until the writing %oint "et one of the dots, and with the shar% !it still stuck in "e, the red dot, she drew a circle' 0o far so good' It was "ore than an hour !efore she had finished doing the sa"e thing for each one of the other dots and there I was, right in the centre of all those concentric circles' It was a!out ti"e she recogni$ed how i"%ortant I was, !ut she hadn+t finished yet> /#ynn, all the other dots want it too' .hey want the" circles too'/ It was a funny thing how Anna+s dots or !lo!s always see"ed to end u% !eing "ore hu"an than hu"ans' At least they did know what they wanted' /I done that too> I done it> I+ll go and get it>/ 5et another sheet of white card was laid on the kitchen ta!le' It was a !it different !ut the %oint was lost on "e' In this one all dots+ wishes and wants had !een fulfilled, for now each and e&ery dot was fir"ly in the centre of its own %ri&ate nest of concentric circles' /Good, ain+t it;/, she asked' /=ery good/, I agreed I nearly said it, !ut I had noticed so"ething that I hadn+t accounted for' 0i"%le really when you think a!out it, !ut I had "issed it' #or one circle of e&ery other dot %assed sla% !ang through the "iddle of "e' .here was the dot called Anna, Mu", Millie and, since e&ery!ody is a dot, you too>

/?hat+s all this "ean, #ynn; ?hat+s it "ean;/ I hesitated' .he idea that was going through "y head "ade sense to "e' At least, it sounded all right, so I said it' /?hat it looks like,/ I said, /is that e&ery dot can !e seen in two ways' Either it can !e the centre of e&erything or/ - and this was the tricky !it - /e&ery dot is a s%ecial, no uni9ue, "eeting %oint of one circle of e&ery other dot'/ I got a kiss for that' I had no words for her' / ike Mister God, ain+t it; It+s funny when you know how'/ 119 /Alain funny how e&erything is like Mister God'/ /.ook a long ti"e doing it, that did'/ /I !et it did>/ /Me !u" went to slee%'/ /It+s sur%rising nothing else went to slee%, the way you sit'/ 0he could always, and for that "atter often did, "i< God and !u"s and the strangest of things in one sentence, !ut then I really don+t su%%ose Mister God "inded at all' After all, he had !een around a fairly long ti"e' .he 1e&' 4astle didn+t get the %oint and really wasn+t i"%ressed' As for Cohn, he said, /0he doesn+t understand the difficulties yet' I see what she is getting at, !ut that is %ure cheek, it+s not "athe"atics>/ *e didn+t understand that it wasn+t "eant to !e "athe"atics' All she was trying to do was to talk a!out so"ething that no!ody was su%%osed to !e a!le to talk a!out, and as far as I could see she had done )ust that' .he idea that e&erything could !e seen either as the centre of all things or as a uni9ue "eeting %lace of e&erything else was all right with "e' I felt I could stick with that one' It was ti"e for lots and lots of tea after that' * * * It wasn+t that the %eo%le in the street were %o&erty stricken, nothing like that' It was si"%ly the fact that they didn+t always ha&e enough "oney and there are %lenty of disad&antages in that state of affairs' But there were a few ad&antages - like knowing each other, hel%ing each other, "aking do, the necessary in&entions of li&ing' All these things were a!out as nor"al as !reathing' It was one of those things that Cohn ne&er fully understood' Aerha%s in the long run it didn+t "atter one !it, e<ce%t for the fact that "any things had to !e done another way and Anna was an e<%ert in doing things another way' Many of her thoughts had to !e seen in /the other way/ and if you didn+t know /the other way/, it was 9uite easy to end u% wondering 1EG what had ha%%ened and what had hit you> .he 0unday that she s%ent the whole ser&ice drawing little circles in the air with her forefinger was one of those occasions' .he 1e&' 4astle wasn+t at all %leased with this acti&ity and told "e so, and Cohn si"%ly saw it as the idle doodling of the young' I was asked, no told, to do the sa"e thing in the sa"e direction' 0he crossed the road, skirting the tra" and dodging the odd horse and cart, and stood o%%osite "e, still drawing her little circles, as I was doing' 0he "anaged to %ersuade

so"e %asser-!y to co%y her in this circle-drawing stuff and s%ed !ack to "e' I was still !usy drawing little circles in the air' A4 aithewaite grinned at "e' /(ice to see you occu%ied for a change/, was all he said' *e had soon got used to the fact that if Anna was around, so"e!ody near to her was al"ost certain to !e doing so"ething out of the ordinary' May!e e&en a little cra$y' Most often "e or Millie' Miss *aynes ne&er did understand why Anna would often sto% and slowly s%in around' It wasn+t anything new to Cohn' *e had s%ent "any hours talking a!out it, !ut her ideas a!out this circle-drawing were not the sa"e as his' 0he told hi" 9uite si"%ly and clearly that it was like !eing two %eo%le' *e tried to gi&e her the %ro%er e<%lanation, !ut whate&er any!ody else "ight say it was like !eing two %eo%le' May!e e&en "ore than two and that was definite' After all, if on one side of the road you had to say that the circle was going one way, !ut on the other side of the road, that in&isi!le circle was going the other way, of course it was like !eing two %eo%le> 2nce she asked "e what a /&icious circle/ was and other little ge"s that grown-u% %eo%le talked a!out, like reading !etween the lines, which was rather daft !ecause there wasn+t anything !etween the lines, any!ody could see that' * * * It wasn+t often that I "ade the )ourney to 1ando" 4ottage alone, and when I did I s%ent "ore ti"e talking a!out Anna 1E1 than I did in the garden' Cohn wanted to know e&erything she had done since he last saw her: what she had said, what her latest ideas were' Most ti"es we arri&ed with her sitting on "y handle!ars or, if Bo"!o" was to co"e with us, then we+d go !y !us, and whene&er the weather was fine and war", they would sit at his feet and he+d listen to their chatter' And as he grew stronger, he would often )oin in their little ga"es' /(othing too strenuous, Cohn, re"e"!er what the 3octor said/, Ara!ella re"inded hi"' /Bosh' #etch "e a drink, will you, #ynn, and one for yourself and find so"ething for the children'/ 0ince we had !een going to Cohn+s house so often he was ne&er without a %lentiful su%%ly of drinks for the children' .here were "any ti"es when I thought that Anna ought to ha&e !een !orn a "ountain goat, the way she could )u"% fro" one su!)ect to another which so often confused her teachers and got "e into hot water' #or one thing, there was this large !uilding site u% !y the !ridge' E&ery!ody co"%lained a!out the "ess it was "aking, the incon&enience it caused' .here were %iles of !ricks, %i%es, %lanks of wood, ce"ent, sand and a lot of ru!!ish too' 5ou+d )ust ne&er think to look at it that so"e!ody knew that the "ess was going to !e a !uilding at so"e ti"e' .hat was the way she saw her schooling and all her &arious e<%lorations' 0o"e things were good and she wanted the", !ut others were not so good and she had no use for the"' *er teachers didn+t really understand, !ut in the end it was going to turn out to !e a /?ho knows;/ and I was %re%ared to wait' It was !ound to !e so"ething s%lendid and that was good enough for "e> It was funny with grown u%s, they were always throwing the "ost i"%ortant things away' #or instance, that dandelion that Cohn had dug u%' /4an I ha&e it %lease;/ /?hat do you want a thing like that for; .here+s too "any of the"' .hey are nothing !ut

a nuisance'/ .hat wasn+t what Anna thought a!out the"' .hey really 1EE ought to !e so"ewhere nice, so she %lanted it in a flower !ed in the %ark' It didn+t last &ery long there either' And then the 1e&' 4astle was al"ost outraged to find Anna %lanting this dandelion in the churchyard and he told her so in no uncertain ter"s' It wasn+t all that long ago that he was telling the congregation that God saw that it was good and she co"%letely agreed with hi"' If only grown u%s could ha&e seen things as she saw the", things would ha&e !een a lot easier, !ut they didn+t and Mu" ended u% with the !est weed garden in the country' 0urely you+d ha&e to !e a real idiot not to say that weeds were truly !eautiful if they were looked after %ro%erly and it was Anna+s %leasure to do so' In s%ite of Miss *aynes+ anguish and Cohn+s concern a!out her disorgani$ed "ind, she continued to look for those things that Mister God saw were good' .he fact that they so"eti"es turned u% in the "ost unlikely %laces didn+t really "atter at all' After all, things always grow in the cracks in the wall, on waste land and in all sorts of unlikely %laces, and it really wasn+t right to %ull the" u%' All things were !right and !eautiful, she felt, if you only sto%%ed to look at the"' And why did we ha&e to s%oil Mister God+s fun; *e "ust ha&e thought it was i"%ortant' 0o Anna+s ways of going a!out things were )ust that !it different' May!e if Cohn had !een woken u% in the "iddle of the night, as I had !een so often, he "ight )ust ha&e co"e to an understanding of Anna+s way a lot sooner than he did' But he was woken u% only once at two o+clock and I got !la"ed for it' If only Anna had !een a!le to read "y night-ti"e drea"s as easily as she see"ed to read "y day-ti"e thoughts, I feel sure that she wouldn+t ha&e woken "e u% so often' I ne&er did get to the nice %art of the drea"' It would ha&e !een nice to hold all the "oney in "y hand )ust for once, the "oney fro" the inheritance that the nice solicitor told "e a!out, !ut that ne&er did ha%%en' I had to wake u% to /#ynn, what+s a "oron;/ /#ynn, what+s a "oron;/, she thu"%ed "e on the chest' /+4os Mister Cohn said I was one'/ 1EI /(ot you, .ich' May!e "e, !ut not you'/ /*e did, #ynn' *e said I was a "oron' 5ou+&e gotta tell hi" not to call "e that' 5ou+&e gotta tell hi" so>/ /0ure, I+ll tell hi" the ne<t ti"e I see hi"' I sure will tell hi"'/ /(o, now #ynn' .ell hi" now'/ /I really don+t think he+d like !eing woken u% this ti"e of night'/ /3on+t care' .ell hi", tell hi" I+" not a "oron'/ 0he sounded so near to tears that there was nothing else to do !ut tell hi" now' As we headed for the nearest tele%hone !o< I tried to con&ince her that he wouldn+t say a thing like that' /But he did, #ynn' *e really did>/ I reckon any!ody who called a little girl like Anna a "oron deser&ed to !e woken u%, no "atter what the hour' Anyhow, he did ha&e a tele%hone ne<t to his !ed' *e didn+t e&en ha&e to get out of !ed to answer it' (ot like "e, I had to get dressed and walk nearly half

a "ile' Anna tried to get the nu"!er a cou%le of ti"es and at last the o%erator "ade the connection' I %ressed "yself as near to the ear %iece as I could' I could hear his !ell ringing and &ery soon I heard his &oice' /*ello, Cohn *odge s%eaking'/ /5ou do it, #ynn' 5ou say it>/ I shook "y head' /It+s your fight, you do it>/ /Mister Cohn,/ she !ellowed down the %hone, /it+s Anna'/ /*ello, Anna' ?hat do you want; Are you all right; Is #ynn all right;/ /5es, Mister Cohn' *e+s here' *e wants to talk to you/, and with that she thrust the tele%hone into "y hands with a little so!' /?hat+s all this a!out calling Anna a "oron, Cohn; I wouldn+t do that' 0he says you did and she+s &ery u%set a!out it'/ /Aut her on, #ynn' #or goodness sake, %ut her on>/ /Anna, "y dear,/ he said, /I would ne&er call you a "oron' I couldn+t do that>/ 1E4

/5es, you did, Mister Cohn' I heard you say, +0he+s the only two-legged "oron that you had e&er "et+'/ /(o, no, little Anna, you ha&e "ade a "istake' (ot a "oron, I said you were an o<y"oron' ?ill you %ut #ynn on' I had !etter e<%lain to hi"'/ /0tu%id "en/, ca"e a &oice' /5ou ought to know !etter than to frighten a little child'/

/Mada", will you %lease get off the line' .his is i"%ortant'/ 1EM /5ou !et it is/, said the o%erator' /5ou !oth deser&e to !e locked u%, confusing the kid with your stu%id o<y stuff' 0he ought to !e tucked u% in !ed' My ad&ice is to take her ho"e and gi&e her a good cuddle'/ /Mada", %lease get off the line'/ /#ynnJ he said, /the word is not "oron' It+s o<y"oron, you know, o<y"oron'/ 2<y"oron wasn+t a word I used e&ery day of "y life' It wasn+t a &ery useful kind of word' .he only ti"e I e&er re"e"!er using it was in an English lesson "any years ago' / et+s go and get a cu%%a, .ich/, I said' /I think we need one'/ /Is it all right then, #ynn; 3id he "ean it;/ /*e didn+t say what you thought he said' *e said a different word'/ /?hat word;/ /*e called you an o<y"oron'/ /Is that word !ad, then;/ /(ot really' It+s what is called +a figure of s%eech+' 3rink your tea while it+s hot'/ 0o"ewhere at the !ack of the old !rain !o< I re"e"!ered an e<a"%le' /It+s like when %eo%le say +hasten slowly+ or like when %eo%le say +a li&ing death+ or so"ething like that' It is two words that contradict each other se%arately, !ut %ut together "ake sense' It+s so"ething like that' .hat+s what Mister Cohn called you, not a "oron'/ /2h/, she said' /.hat+s different' .hat+s all right, I thought he said so"ething else'/ /.he" things,/ she said, /you gotta !e careful, ain+t you, #ynn; I+" an o<y"oron, ain+t I, #ynn;+ 0he told the coffee stall owner too' /I+" an o<y"oron>/ I don+t think he really cared a !it' /I+" tired/, I co"%lained' /4an I go !ack to !ed;/ I was glad that she thought it was a good idea too> 1EN Mu" called down the stairs as we got into the house' /?here ha&e you two !een off to; It+s nearly "orning'/ /Been killing o<y"oron/, I yelled !ack' /.hat+s nice/, ca"e the answer' It wasn+t until I was once again in !ed that it ca"e to "e )ust how strange this night had !een' /.he %ointed con)unction of see"ing contradictories/ was the dictionary definition of an o<y"oron, so I guess Cohn wasn+t so far out after all' 0he was an o<y"oron, sort of, and, for that "atter, %ut together they "ade another one' All I was left with was the fact that /you+&e gotta !e careful/' More and "ore I was getting the feel of it' Being !y now so used to the way !oth e<%ressed ideas, I was a!le to translate Cohn to Anna in a way that she could understand,

and I could do the sa"e for Cohn when he was finding it a !it difficult' I "ust confess, I often found it difficult too' ?hate&er it was that was so %er%le<ing hi" was causing hi" no little %ain and confusion, !ut one thing was for sure, he was !eginning to lose that acid touch in his con&ersation with her8 that e<as%eration which he had so often shown8 that shar% edge in hi" which could hurt so often was !eginning, slowly, to take on a "ore gentle edge' And as for Anna, she was losing none of her "agic, !ut in so"e ways de&elo%ing !etter ways of saying e<actly what she wanted to' (ot "uch, !ut a !it' Aartly, I su%%ose, )ust !ecause she was growing u%' Aoor Cohn was really ha&ing a rough ti"e of it' .here was no sudden re&elation to hi", no !linding illu"ination' It was all a &ery slow %rogress and all with the greatest difficulty' In what direction, he did not know' #or that "atter neither did she and, least of all, "e>

Cohn decided that Anna ought to !e gi&en the !enefit of his knowledge of things, so it was arranged that we %ay a whole day+s &isit to the &arious Museu"s in 0outh Kensington' I didn+t 1E7 like to tell hi" that we had already !een there and that she didn+t think "uch of the"' 0o it was that a little grou% of kids, a!out eight, waited for hi" one "orning' I had asked Millie if she would co"e along to hel% out' I didn+t fancy the )o! of chasing the kids around the Museu"' 0he agreed' Cohn arri&ed, ready to stuff our heads full of infor"ation' In the centre of the large entrance hall to the Museu" was a large "odel of a hu"an flea, !igger than Anna herself' 0he circled it, gi&ing it a wary glance' .he shake of her head indicated that she didn+t think "uch of it and wasn+t at all interested in whate&er Cohn, or any!ody else, "ight ha&e to say a!out it' I did "ention to Cohn that they did at least ha&e so"ething in co""on, that !oth of the" "ade "e want to scratch so"ething I couldn+t reach, !ut he si"%ly frowned at "e' After "onths of Anna I knew all a!out this need to scratch when she got going, !ut Cohn hadn+t learnt that yet' *e would, gi&en ti"e' But after years of !eing taught !y Cohn, I wasn+t going to %rotect hi" fro" her kind of torture' *e was old enough to look after hi"self' /#ynn,/ he asked, /has Anna !een to the *all of 3inosaurs;/ /3on+t know' I don+t think so'/ /?ell, in that case we "ust go along to see the"' I+" certain that she will !e i"%ressed'/ ?e saw the !ronto things, the stego things, the icthyo things, and other things that no!ody !ut Cohn could %ronounce, and finally ended u% in front of good old .yrannosaurus 1e<' Cohn %oured out facts and figures a!out old 1e<, !ut his "illions and "illions of years didn+t i"%ress any of the kids at all' /?ouldn+t like to "eet hi" in the dark/, said Millie, and Bo"!o"+s /Bli"ey>/ e<hausted her co""ents' May+s cry of /4oo ''' ee>/ echoed around that hall and turned a few heads for a "o"ent' ?ell there isn+t "uch you can say a!out such a thing as old 1e<, is there; /0trewth>/ )ust a!out su"s it all u%' ?e "o&ed off to look at "ore wonders, with Cohn still gi&ing

1EF out with his hundred-"illion-years-ago facts' I knew how easy it was to lose Anna and, for that "atter, get lost "yself when she was doing a !it of thinking and, as she wasn+t with the rest of the", I had to go !ack to look for her' I found her swinging her satchel, dwarfed !eneath good old 1e<, all teeth and claws' #ro" the way she was swinging her satchel and the look she ga&e it, her thoughts were %retty o!&ious' If she wasn+t frightened of 2ld (ick hi"self, she certainly wasn+t frightened of old 1e<' /3on+t you start on "e or you+ll get a good slosh with "e !ag'/ 0he s"iled at "e and wrinkled her nose as I stood !eside her, and we went off in search of Cohn and the others' ?hen we found the", Cohn was !usy trying to con&ince May that this e<hi!it was called a 3uck-!illed Alaty%us and not a %lat-!illed-ducky-!us' In s%ite of all his insistence, it re"ained a %lat-!illed-ducky-!us for e&er "ore> After an hour or two it was decided that it was a!out ti"e we went into the gardens to eat our sandwiches' Cohn sat on a !ench !eside "e, and the others on the grass' *e wanted to know what Anna thought of all those dinosaurs' /3id you like the", little one;/ /@"/, she re%lied' /3id they frighten you;/ 0he wagged her head' /?hat did you think of the";/ 0he thought for a "o"ent or two and, looking hi" straight in the eye, said, /(o "eat>/ It wasn+t what he had e<%ected to hear, and he launched hi"self into the task of telling her that the flesh had decayed "illions of years ago' .hat didn+t get "uch further' /@", I know that, #ynn told "e'/ *e didn+t know that /no "eat/ was i"%ortant to her' /3o you think the little "aid is en)oying this, #ynn;/, he asked "e' /It+s not too "uch for her, is it;/ 1E9 /3on+t think so, Cohn' I+" sure she+s taking "ost of it in'/ /0he see"s so 9uiet, not like her usual self' I wondered if she was feeling unwell'/ /3on+t take any notice of that, Cohn' 0he+s thinking, that+s all' .rying to %ut it all together, trying to work it all out' 0he+s often like this'/ /It would !e nice to see inside her head for a while'/ /I shouldn+t try that one, Cohn, if I were you' 5ou+ll ne&er find your way out again and I+" not sure there+s all that "uch s%ace left, with all the stuff she "anages to cra" inside her noodle>/ /Aerha%s you+re right at that' .he thing that really %u$$les "e, young #ynn, is how anyone, faced with this e&idence, could %ossi!ly !elie&e that the Bi!le was right' *ow the creation story can stand u% against all these facts is !eyond "e'/ /I don+t see that the Bi!le tells you "uch' It "erely creates "oods'/

(either of us had noticed that Anna was standing near!y and "ust ha&e heard what he had said, !ut she said nothing at all, nothing !ut a sniff' /?ill you and Millie !e a!le to take care of the children for thirty "inutes; I ha&e a little !usiness to attend to'/ I did "anage to con&ince hi" that we had done this kind of thing !efore and that they would !e safe, e&en if Millie and "e weren+t> /?e+ll !e off to the 0cience Museu" ne<t, Cohn' 0ee you there in an hour or so'/ /1ight/, he answered' /I+ll find you so"ewhere'/ .he kids found this "uch "ore interesting' All those !uttons to %ush and a whole row of historical la&atories, where they could %ull the chains "uch !etter than all the dead things' 3ead !irds and stuffed ani"als were all right as far as they went, !ut not as "uch fun as the !uttons that "ade the wheels go round, "odel trains, "odel cars and all that sort of thing' .hey were o!&iously so engaged in !utton-%ushing that they wouldn+t "iss "e' 1IG /Millie, d+you "ind if I lose "yself for a while; I+d like to look at a dis%lay'/ /0ure thing, #ynn' ?here you off to;/ /(e<t floor u%' .here+s a dis%lay of "athe"atical "odels I+d like to look at'/ /Might ha&e known it/, she laughed' /.rust you'/ I hadn+t !een there &ery long !efore Anna+s red hair wriggled under "y ar"' /#ynn'/ /*i .ich> ?hat+s to do; 1un out of !uttons to %ush;/ /(o' ?anted to !e with you, that+s all' ?anted to ask you so"ething'/ /0ure, ask away'/ /I don+t think Mister Cohn !elie&es in Mister God, do you #ynn;/ /(ot sure,/ I said, /!ut I don+t think he does'/ /2h'/ I did try to tell her that not e&ery!ody in the world !elie&ed in Mister God, and that "any %eo%le !elie&ed in so"ething altogether different' .hat was difficult to e<%lain and she did not !elie&e "e anyhow' #or a little while she walked around the cases with "e, looking at the &arious "odels, trying to get inside the" in her i"agination' It was not long !efore Cohn rea%%eared' /Glad I found you here, #ynn' I want to show you the e<hi!it o&er there' .he Bush 3ifferential Analyser' A &ery interesting de&ice, really "ost interesting' ?hat it does is '''/ But he ne&er did get around to telling us a!out it, and Anna wasn+t "uch interested whate&er it "ight do' .here were 9uestions she wanted to ask Cohn and that was what she was going to do' I don+t su%%ose that any!ody had faced her 9uestions so directly' 0he )ust hit hi" with the": /Mister Cohn, why don+t you !elie&e in Mister God then; ?hy don+t you;/

It wasn+t often that Cohn was lost for words, !ut he was on this occasion' *e had to sit on a near!y seat' /0it ne<t to "e, little one, and I+ll try to tell you'/ 1I1 I wasn+t certain how this was going to turn out at all' I wanted to !e near her to gi&e her su%%ort if she needed it' 0he had ne&er heard hi" on the su!)ect !efore and it was 9uite %ossi!le she "ight need a hand' I had 9uite forgotten the look she had gi&en old .yrannosaurus 1e<' I had ne&er heard Cohn !e so gentle in all the years I had known hi"' *e tried to e<%lain so &ery si"%ly that he couldn+t %ossi!ly !elie&e that it was all "ade in the way the Bi!le said' 0he listened without saying a word' *e ended with, /so you see, little one, why I can+t !elie&e it' I+" sorry, !ut I can+t'/ #or a long ti"e no!ody said a word' Anna, with her head hung down, was !usy studying the floor' I ho%ed she had not !een too hurt !y what Cohn had said and, fro" the looks he was gi&ing "e, it was o!&ious that he regretted the need for his words, !ut for Cohn, the /truth/ was all-i"%ortant, no "atter what the conse9uences' 0o there we sat, not knowing what to say' As she raised her head I did notice that little s"ile that she reser&ed for her /I ha&en+t finished yet/ ti"es, so there was a lot "ore to co"e' /*ow "any %ages in the Bi!le, Mister Cohn; *ow "any %ages;/ /Aages;/, he said' /Aages' I+" really not at all sure, !ut I su%%ose it "ust !e around two thousand or "ore' ?hy do you ask;/ /*ow "any %ages when Mister God "ade the world, then; ?hen he "ade it all'/ /(ot "any' I don+t think it was "ore than fi&e, if that'/ /.hat+s like the" skeleton things, ain+t it #ynn; It don+t "atter do it;/ 0ince I didn+t know what would co"e ne<t, and the fact that I was always !eing dragged into this sort of thing, there was nothing "uch I could say' /It+s all the" other %ages, Mister Cohn' It+s all in the"'/ /?hat is, "y little "aid; ?hat+s in those %ages;/ ?ith a kind of /I told you so/ flourish, she ended u% with: 1IE /All the "eat to %ut on the" !ones, the" skeletons/' All that Cohn could "anage was, /I see' I "ust re"e"!er that'/ Cohn was so"ewhat %ut out to ha&e all his facts and figures so easily dis"issed with the words /no "eat/, !ut she wasn+t talking a!out the flesh of those long-dead !easties' It was so"ething else entirely' I ho%ed she wasn+t going to start on that''' I had had that one for weeks'

0o far as Anna was concerned, her /no "eat/ referred to all those e9uations and for"ulae and things that Cohn had taught "e, and that I so lo&ed "essing a!out with' 0he had told "e 9uite clearly and si"%ly that all that kind of stuff was )ust a lot of old !ones, skeletons' (ot that she had anything against the" at all, !ut the really i"%ortant thing to do was to %ut "eat on the"' 0he did "anage to tell hi": /.hey ain+t got no outside, Mister Cohn/, and after a "o"ent, /no insides, too'/ 5ou+&e got to ad"it that it+s difficult to get &ery e<cited a!out so"ething that has got no outsides or insides' * * * #or a few weeks the kids+ con&ersation had !een all a!out the co"ing !onfire night and how "any fireworks they "ight ha&e' It was to take %lace on Moonground, that %lace that the adults insisted on calling /the du"%/' #or the kids, it was a %lace of i"agination and in&ention, a %lace where the nor"al rules were changed to who-knows-what - like all scra% hea%s, it was si"%ly a )u"!le of the )unk of li&ing' .here were ti"es when I thought of it as a %lace where the ordinary rules had failed' It had !een called Moonground for as long as I could re"e"!er' .he adults knew it as a %lace to !e a&oided, a dangerous %lace, an eyesore, a %lace which so"e!ody really ought to do so"ething a!out> I had !een trying to %ersuade Cohn and his sister to co"e to see the kids and Moonground, and e&entually it was agreed that we would all "eet at se&en o+clock on Bonfire (ight' I always found it a slightly odd e<%erience, standing in the "iddle of 1II Moonground, for not too far away we could see the tower of our %arish church where the 1e&' 4astle talked a!out another land where the rules were different, and where e&erything was &ery "uch !etter, !ecause Cesus had stood the old rules on their head' Moonground was such a %lace, where the rules were !oth different and !etter' .hat was why grown u%s did not like it' .hey felt uneasy !ecause they did not know the rules, and they could not %lay with Mister God' .hey couldn+t see it with different eyes' /Aeo%le see it with the sa"e eyes/, Anna had told "e' /5ou+&e gotta see Moonground with different eyes'/ I si"%ly hadn+t got the heart to tell her how difficult that was for "ost %eo%le' 0o I shut u%' 0o it was that 3anny, (o! and I s%ent "any hours struggling to collect whate&er was !urna!le and "aking a reasona!le !onfire, whilst the kids were !usy scrounging %ennies: /0%are a %enny for the guy, Mister'/ 0o"e of the older !oys were !usy "aking hand-war"ers' A well-"ade hand-war"er was i"%ortant for the co"ing winter "onths' Any %erson with a safe and well-"ade handwar"er was always the centre of a huddle of kids' 0o"e liked a large si$e cocoa tin with air holes %unctured at the !otto" and a lid that could !e securely closed' .his, fi<ed to a!out two feet of wire and a wooden handle, and you were ready to go' 2nce the %a%er, wood and coal in it were lit, a few energetic swings and twirls "ade it ready to war" the coldest of hands, and whoe&er had one was /.o%s/' 4o"e the a%%ointed hour we all gathered at the end of the street, the older !oys carrying large !iscuit tins full of fireworks, and four or fi&e swinging hand-war"ers, like incense, as if they were in church' As we were going to Moonground along the 4anal, 0ally had decided we ought to take a few %araffin la"%s to light our way along the tow%ath' /4ouldn+t get no s%uds, #ynn/, yelled *eck' /Mu" didn+t ha&e no "oney'/

1I4 /It doesn+t "atter/, I said' /?e+ll get so"e at the coffee stall'/ /Got a !ag of +stick)aw+/, chi%%ed in Bunty' /Good thing, too/, said another' /It "ight sto% you talking for a little while'/ /2h, you+re a rotten thing, you, you+re rotten>/ /Any!ody got anything else;/, I asked' /A !ag of %eanuts '''/ /I got so"e toasted coconut s9uares/, said another' ?e were slowly collecting a s"all feast' /Ain+t you got nothing, #ynn;/, asked Kath' /0ure I ha&e/, I re%lied' /Got so"e !ars of chocolate and a !ag of wine gu"s'/ /5ou got anything, Mill;/, asked (i%%er' /0ure ha&e/, re%lied Millie' /It+s for grown u%s like "e, not for kids like you lot'/ /I+" grown u%/, cried Kath' /Ain+t I growed u%; Gi&e us a look, Mill' ?hat you got in the !ag; Eh;/ /Cust you kee% your nose to yourself' Kee% your nose out of "y !ag'/ /Betcha it+s !oo$e, ain+t it, Mill;/ /Betcha a "illion %ounds it+s whisky ''' I !etcha'/ /?hat+s it taste like, Mill;/ /Gi+s a taste>/ /(o%e/, laughed Millie' /(othing doing' It+s )ust for "e and 0ally' 5ou+&e gotta kee% the da"% and cold out when you+re as old as "e'/ /*ow old+s our Millie, #ynn;/, asked Anna' /0earch "e, .ich' I+&e got no idea'/ /I+n she old like wot she said;/ /Betcha she+s fifty/, chi"ed in *eck' /4an+t !e/, cried another' /Betcha she+s not older than thirty-fi&e, ain+t you, Mill;/ /*old it you lot/, co"%lained Millie' /5ou+ll ha&e "e in a wheel chair if you lot go on like that' If you really want to know, I+ll !e twenty on 4hrist"as E&e'/ 1IM /.hat+s rotten, that is, ain+t it;/, said 1ose' /5ou get one %resent and not two, do you;/ /Gonna ha&e a %arty, Mill; 4an I co"e;/ /'''and "e;/ .he continuous chatter of the kids s%illed into the cold night air, the "ist rising fro" the 4anal and the !reath of all the e<cited kids wo&e %atterns in the light of the la"%s, like newly for"ed ghosts' .he sha%es, una!le to sustain the"sel&es, disa%%eared' As we a%%roached the !ridge to cross the 4anal we could see our !onfire on the other side' A

rocket hurled itself into the sky, trailing its lace-tail of s%arks' As we a%%roached the fence which we would all ha&e to wriggle through !y the light of the fire, I could see Cohn+s car %arked at the far end of Moonground' I had forgotten that entirely, and wondered how he had "anaged to get it in' (o dou!t 3anny or 0a" had figured out so"e way of doing it' .he early ones had certainly "ade a good !onfire' As we searched for an easy way in, we were confronted !y A4 aithwaite on the other side of the fence' /.his way,/ he said, /and "ind how you go' Glad to see you+re all sensi!le this year' (one of your dangerous !ackyard fires like last year' It+s a!out ti"e you older ones started to use your loaf/, he re"arked, directing that one at "e' /.here+s ho%e for you yet' 4o"e in and en)oy yoursel&es and "ind you "ake sure the fire is well and truly out !efore you lea&e' I see young #ynn is with you' 2h, how are you Millie; (ice to see you get a night off then'/ /I wouldn+t "iss this little shindig for all the tea in 4hina/, re%lied Millie' /0adie and 0ally+s here too'/ /3o you good/, he re%lied' /2ff with you and ha&e a nice ti"e>/ Ara!ella ca"e to "eet us as we wandered towards the fire' /I+&e !rought so"e !aked %otatoes with "e,/ she said, /and enough sausages to feed an ar"y' *o%e I+&e done enough/, she 1IN re"arked, looking around at the kids' /5ou+ll only need to war" the" u%'/ Anna and I went o&er to greet Cohn' /5ou ca"e, Mister Cohn' .hat+s nice'/ 3anny had "ade Cohn co"forta!le on the rear seat we had taken out of an old wreck of a car a few days ago' /*ello, little Anna/, re%lied Cohn' /4o"e and sit !eside "e'/ 0he did "ore than that, "uch to his sur%rise, for she ga&e hi" a hug and a kiss, as did Millie and, encouraged !y this dis%lay of affection, the other kids decided it was a!out ti"e they )oined in too' ?hat with the red glow of the fire and the glow of his own %leasure, he looked ha%%ier than I had e&er known hi" to !e' It was when Millie, the gentle tart fro" the !ackstreets, handed hi" a dou!le whisky, that he nearly ca"e a%art at the sea"s' /*a&e a totJArof',/ she said, /kee%s the cold outta yer !ones'/ #or a "o"ent or two he was 9uite undecided what to do, !ut

finally he said, /?ill you co"e and sit the other side of "e, Miss Millie;/ /0ure thing, Arof',/ she said' /I+d lu& to/, and %lo%%ed down with a flurry of skirts and legs' Aoor old Cohn' It "ust ha&e !een "any years ago, if at all, that he had "et anyone like Millie and he shifted a !it to "ake "ore roo" for her 8 !ut he had not reckoned with Millie> #or she tucked an ar" through his with /@s old +uns gotta kee% each other war", ain+t we Arof';/ 3ear Millie' (o "atter how she earned her li&ing, there was an innocence a!out her that it was i"%ossi!le to "iss' Cohn s"iled and rela<ed, and there they sat, the lo&ing %air, the earnest Arofessor and the 9uestioning Anna' 0uddenly the night sky was afire with "ulti-coloured lights and showers of !rilliant s%arks' /?atch this one/, warned 3anny as an e<tra large rocket cli"!ed ra%idly skyward and !losso"ed into a shower of coloured stars' As the s%arks slowly faded, Millie said, /It+s good to know the stars are still there when all the fuss is o&er, ain+t it, Arof';/ *e nodded, and turning to Anna, he asked, /Are you en)oying it;/ /5es,/ she re%lied, /''' !ut'''/ /But what;/ /Mister Cohn, what ha%%ens when the stars go out; ?hat ha%%ens then;/ After the fireworks had finished and the fire had died down to a large "ound of glowing e"!ers, 3anny and 0a" went off to the %u! for so"e !ottles of %o% and such stuff for the kids' ?e all sat around on old oil dru"s, %acking cases or whate&er could !e found, reheating our !aked %otatoes and sausages' .he kids !egan to sing' It a"used "e that they knew the words of the ''' well ''' naughty songs far !etter than the other ones' 0oon Moonground faded into strange odd lu"%s, lit only !y a few gas la"%s fro" the street

near!y, and the stars took on that strange nearness of a cold frosty night' Cohn had !een asked "ore 1IF 9uestions in the last two hours than %erha%s he had had for the last two years' /Mister Cohn, why are so"e of the s%arks of the" fireworks green and so"e of +e" !lue;/, and /?hat "akes rockets go u%; ?hat, Mister Cohn;/ By this ti"e Anna was lying al"ost full length, staring u% into the stars with that silence which so often heralds an out!urst of 9uestions' I edged towards her, e<%ecting at any "o"ent to !e asked i"%ossi!le 9uestions' But I was to !e s%ared it this night, for her 9uestions were ai"ed at Cohn' /Mister Cohn,/ she asked, /how "any stars u% there;/ /I think/, he said after a "o"ent+s thought, /there are a!out three thousand stars that you can see and "any, "any "ore that you can+t see e&en with a telesco%e'/ 0he tucked that !it of infor"ation away so"ewhere as she silently rehearsed the ne<t !it' /Mister Cohn,/ she said, %ointing u%wards, /if you )oin a line fro" that star to that star and then to that one, and then to '''/, she rattled off "ore stars' /If all the" stars were )oined u% !y little lines/, Cohn was gi&ing nods of his head' /5es,/ he said, /I+&e got that'/ /?hat then;/ Cohn was %re%aring to gi&e so"e astrono"ical e<%lanation' /.hen it "akes "y face, don+t it/, she asked e&ery!ody in general' I think Cohn+s lower )aw dro%%ed an inch or two and I "ust say I reckon I had )oined u% a few stars the wrong way round, !ecause I couldn+t see it' /?hy ain+t it "! face;/, e<clai"ed Bo"!o"' /It is too' It is your face too, Bo"!o"/, re%lied Anna' /It+s e&ery!ody+s face if you do it %ro%er, ain+t it, Mister Cohn;/ Aoor old Cohn, he could do nothing "ore than nod his head> 0he hadn+t finished yet' /*ow "any different faces in all the" stars, Mister Cohn; Eh;/ 1I9 It wasn+t the kind of 9uestion that Cohn wanted to !e e<act with' /0o "any,/ he said finally, /so "any you couldn+t count the"'/ /More than e&ery!ody in the world;/, she went on' *e could do no "ore than nod silently' ?e were all silent as we looked for our faces in the stars' /5ou wouldn+t get "y old "an u% there/, giggled *eck' /?hy not, *eck;/, I asked'

/*e+s so !loody ugly, #ynn/, laughed *eck' /*e+d frighten the life outta e&ery!ody' But he+s a good +un, a good +un for sure>/ 0a" had gone across to Cohn+s car, to get it onto the road' A few of us carried the old !lanket and ha"%er that Ara!ella had !rought with the &arious goodies in' /3id you like it, Mister Cohn; Good, wasn+t it; .hat !loo"ing !ig rocket, !etcha it nearly went u% to the Moon, !etcha it did' 3idn+t it, Mister Cohn;/ /A long way/, s"iled Cohn' /It certainly went u% a long way'/ I was glad that he didn+t launch into so"e "athe"atical calculation in order to gi&e so"e "ore accurate esti"ation of )ust how high it had reached' *e shook his head and, to "y co"%lete sur%rise, said, /Aerha%s it did go u% as high as the "oon'/ /.old you so ''' told you, didn+t I;/ 0o"ething had "ade hi" see the "agic of this night and not si"%ly the facts' As we walked, Cohn %ut his hand on "y shoulder' /5ou "ust !e tired, Cohn/, I said' /4an I do anything;/ /I+" not really all that tired,/ he re%lied, /"ore ''' well, "ore thoughtful'/ /?hat a!out;/, I asked' / ooking !ack'/ /2h>/ /3id I; It+s too long' I can no longer re"e"!er' 3id I;/ 14G /3id you what;/, I asked' *e ga&e a long, long sigh' /3id I ask so "any 9uestions when I was that age; I can no longer re"e"!er that far !ack'/ *e %aused for a "o"ent' /?here does the "agic go to, I wonder; ?here; ?here;/ I didn+t answer that one, for in the first %lace, this wasn+t the "o"ent, and in the second %lace, I didn+t know the answer' .hey were )ust a!out to dri&e off' /Bring her to see "e' Bring her often ''' little Anna>/ I %ro"ised I would' * * * #ro" so"e!ody or fro" so"ewhere Anna had &ery early on %icked u% the idea that answers ca"e first and 9uestions ca"e later' .his wasn+t the way I had !een taught and it certainly would not do for 2ld Cohn' Mu" had %erfected this way of li&ing for a long ti"e, so when Anna and Mu" ca"e together, they were a well "atched %air> It was a little tough on "e, for I ne&er really knew if I was co"ing or going, and, "ore often than not I found "yself trying to go !oth ways at once' .hat can !e a little %ainful at ti"es' At ti"es I did co"%lain that Answers really ought to co"e after the Huestions, !ut I ne&er did "ake "uch headway with this a%%roach' I was s"iled at' Being s"iled at in

that %articular way could !e &ery tough to take' It could reduce "e in si$e i""ediately' /.here is "ess in e&ery order,/ Mu" said, /and an order in e&ery "ess, !ut whate&er order you "ay find or whate&er "ess you "ake, it+s yours - no!ody else+s>/ It was not unusual for so"e %eo%le to liken Anna to so"ething or so"e!ody that they understood' /0he+s like a )ackdaw or a "ag%ie, she %icks u% these things'/ I did it "yself, I likened her to an angel' (ot that I knew all that "uch a!out angels, I can+t re"e"!er if I+&e e&er "et one or not, !ut I was a !it 141 sur%rised when Cohn likened her to a rifle' .hat stu"%ed "e co"%letely> /*a&e you e&er fired a rifle, #ynn;/ /(othing !igger than a %eashooter or a %o%gun' ?hy do you ask;/ /0he re"inds "e of one'/ /A !o"! I could understand, I feel as if I+&e !een !lown u% at ti"es>/ I re%lied, /!ut a rifle, ne&er'/ I don+t think he liked what he had said' *e was struggling for words' /*ell> .here are ti"es when she a%%ears to ha&e a foresight and a !acksight' 3on+t !e so dense, young #ynn' 5ou sure know what I+" dri&ing at'/ /5ou+&e lost "e, Cohn, gi&e with the e<%lanation'/ /I su%%ose what I a" trying to say is that you align with the foresight and ad)ust with the !acksight'/ /0ounds all right to "e,/ I said, /!ut what+s to do with it;/ /(ot "uch, I su%%ose, e<ce%t she knows e<actly what she+s ai"ing for' I wish I could say the sa"e for "yself' 0he causes "e to ha&e the strangest thoughts' Idiot thoughts' .hings that I know can+t !e true, !ut they+re there'/ (ow I was in a "uddle' *e see"ed to !e thinking like Anna and I said so' /Aerha%s you+re right, #ynn, %erha%s so'/ /3oes she e&er gi&e you the feeling that she is '''/ /Is what;/ /A detached %art of your own "e"ory; 0he does "e' I+" losing "y gri% on things'/ /(ot you, Cohn' (ot you>/

/2ften she re"inds "e of "y own childhood, "y own "e"ories, "y own "uddles'/ /Muddles I can understand/, I said' /0he often stands "e on "y head'/ /(ow you+re laughing at "e' 5ou+re not to> I don+t like it one !it'/ 14E /0orry, Cohn, !ut you did it often enough to "e'/ /I know,/ he said, /!ut that was different' I was a lot older than you and it was, after all, "y duty to teach and yours to learn' 0he can gi&e "e a %ositi&e "ental itch at ti"es, and I )ust don+t know how to scratch it' Mental indigestion, I su%%ose, !ut #ynn '''/ /5es;/ /.here are ti"es when I think she "ay !e right, not in the !igger things, you understand, !ut in the s"aller things' If only she could e<%lain herself accurately it would hel%'/ /It would hel% "e too,/ I laughed, /if you could tell "e what you+re on a!out' I+" lost'/ /*as she/, he asked, /assaulted you with her &ery, &ery, &ery world;/ /2h that one,/ I said, /I got that one in the "iddle of the night weeks ago> .he &ery, &ery, &ery s"all and the &ery, &ery, &ery large' 0o"ething she %icked u% so"ewhere' Aerha%s so"e!ody wrote it down for her, or "ay!e one of "y !ooks '''/ /.hat I can understand, !ut where did she get the idea that the rules were different; 3id she work it out or did so"e!ody tell her; 0he+s right, you know'/ /.hat %u$$les "e far less than the fact that she looked u% the word +&ery+ in the dictionary' I did "any, "any years ago' It+s not a word I use often' 3o you know the "eaning of the word;/ /(e&er gi&en it a thought' I )ust use it'/ /2nly that it "eans real or true, and that+s what I+" not at all sure a!out'/ Cohn was now s%ending as "uch ti"e with the kids at our ho"e as I s%ent at 1ando" 4ottage' It was strange to see this retired teacher sitting on an old crate or the old car seat which was always called /Mister Cohn+s %lace/' In no ti"e at all he was %erfectly at ease with Millie and her %als at the to% of the street' (o longer did he )udge the" or critici$e the"' 4ertainly he was saddened !y the fact that they had chosen that way of "aking "oney !ecause they could see no other way of hel%ing 14I their fa"ilies out' *e %ut it correctly, when he said to "e, /5ou+re &ery lucky to ha&e such good friends/' And I was so lucky' * * * I+" fairly sure that I had ne&er heard Anna use the word /%reface/ in any of her chatterings, !ut she certainly understood that the !eginning %art of a !ook told you what the !ook was going to !e all a!out, and that was )ust the skeleton, wasn+t it; It was the rest of the !ook, /the "eat/, that hel%ed you to understand it all' 0o when Cohn told her that he couldn+t !elie&e in Mister God !ecause he )ust couldn+t !elie&e the !eginning, she wasn+t all that sur%rised' Cust saddened' 0he had seen shel&es and shel&es of !ooks in his

study, so he "ust know that the !eginning !it was only the skeleton, "ustn+t he; *e did agree with her when she e<%lained it to hi", !ut it didn+t hel% hi" all that "uch' It was funny how grown-u% %eo%le did that kind of thing' .hey )ust didn+t !other with all the nice "eaty !its, !ut they were always ready to fight each other a!out the skeletons' ike the 1e&' 4astle' *e always talked a!out Mister God as if he was like a &ery strict *ead Master with a cane in his hand, )ust waiting to %unish e&ery!ody' It was no wonder his ser"ons were so often %unctuated !y her o&erloud /Aooh>/ 0o far as Anna was concerned, Mister God was definitely and %ositi&ely cuddly' It "akes a difference if you start off that way' /It isn+t that I think she+s right' It+s what she says, young #ynn' (othing like that at all, !ut then '''/ /I know what you "ean, Cohn' It+s always +!ut then+ with her>/ /0he %uts so "any different things together in one idea that, to "e, it+s )ust a "uddle'/ /.o "e, too' I ne&er know for certain if I+" u% or down'/ /But then she always wriggles out of her "uddle so"ehow'/ /It+s the way she has of saying things'/ 144 /I find "yself waiting for the ne<t !it' I+" sur%rised to find I+" holding "y !reath and I ha&en+t done that for "any years'/ ?hen talking a!out Anna, I so often find I run out of words' I don+t know what to say ne<t' I did "anage to say: /0he )ust sees things in a different way, that+s all Cohn/' /May!e, "ay!e, e<ce%t that she has the knack of "aking things look !eautiful' E&en her own co"%licated "uddles' 0he %u$$les "e, #ynn, and I don+t "ind saying it' .he "ost I would like to say a!out the little "aid is that she "akes "e sto% and think again' 3oes she e&er write stories, #ynn;/ /5es, 9uite often'/ /Aerha%s she "ight write so"e for "e so"eti"e;/ /?hy don+t you ask her yourself; Better still, why don+t you ask her to tell you one of the"'/ /Aerha%s I will'/ * * * .hat winter didn+t treat Cohn kindly' 2n too "any occasions he had to stay in his roo" with so"e !ug or other, which "eant our &isits were far less fre9uent and "uch shorter than usual' But on those occasions when we did "anage to ha&e a little chat, he a%%eared to !e &ery "uch "ore thoughtful' *is decisi&e, cold edge was no longer there' *e see"ed far "ore inclined to listen, rather than to launch into so"e co"%le< lesson as to the nature of things' I+" really not certain how he would ha&e taken co""ent on his change' /*e+s "ore cuddly/, Anna had said' I+" not certain that I would ha&e used those words !ut change there certainly was' *e no longer had that unshakea!le certainty' *e was "ore gi&en to listen to other &iews and, "ost curious to "e, he asked 9uestions, which was so"ething I rarely heard hi" do' 2n those occasions that I did "anage to get a 9uestion in, the answer was often, /I+" not sure, #ynn/, or, /I don+t know/' 2n a nu"!er of occasions when we had !een

14M

talking a!out one thing or another, he had turned away fro" "e and said to Anna, /?hat do you think, "y little one;/ I had the distinct feeling that he was wanting to ca%ture so"e of Anna+s fire or so"e of her e<cite"ent of the nature of things' May!e I was )ust letting "y i"agination run loose, !ut it certainly see"ed that way to "e' I was !eginning to feel that it was her that he really wanted to talk to, not "e' #or in "any ways we were far too "uch alike for "e to !e of any hel% to hi" at all' My "ain contri!ution in this threeso"e was as a sort of inter%reter' #or "uch of the ti"e I don+t think they were all that aware that I was e&en there' 2ld Cohn was e&en !eginning to giggle' (ot the kind of giggle you did !ehind a raised hand, !ut a full-!looded giggle of )oy' At the start of these giggles, he had often a%ologi$ed, !ut now he would take her !y the hand and let go' It was good to see the %air of the" laughing so ha%%ily together' .here were secrets !etween the" that I was una!le to share' #or they di&ined in each other so"ething that I was una!le to reach' In s%ite of all their laughter, though, I felt that !eneath it all Cohn was ha&ing a %retty rough ti"e' *e was wrestling with so"ething and I didn+t know what it was, and neither Cohn nor Anna was %re%ared to tell "e' (ot only was I often asked to go and do so"ething else, things which so far as I could see were 14N co"%letely unnecessary, !ut I was also fir"ly told to take "y ti"e a!out it> /Go and get so"e doughnuts at the sho%, #ynn' I+" sure Anna would like a doughnut or two for her tea' I certainly would'/ I was co"%letely una!le to tell hi" that there was a !ag of doughnuts in a tin in the kitchen' 0o off I went and left the" to it' I didn+t really "ind all that "uch doing these little things, !ut I was taken a!ack when, after a !it of sho%%ing and after I had %ut the tea tray down in the drawing roo", he turned to "e and said, /3oughnuts, #ynn; 5ou should krow !y now that I ne&er eat the things' Isn+t there a )a" tart in the kitchen or )ust a %lain !un or so"ething;/ I &ery nearly told hi" that not only were there )a" tarts, there were %lain !uns, fruit cake and at least si< "ore doughnuts in the kitchen, !ut I didn+t' It didn+t really see" worth it> * * * It wasn+t that Mu" was so "uch !etter than any!ody else that "ade her so different' 0he wasn+t !eyond the odd cuss word now and again, and her te"%er on those few occasions when she lost it was really so"ething to see' .hat was the ti"e to duck> (o, it was

altogether so"ething different - si"%ler' In her &iew, the reason why this old world got itself in such a tangle wasn+t !ecause %eo%le either did or didn+t !elie&e that there was a God' It was 9uite si"%ly the fact that e&ery!ody wanted to do "ore than God' As she %ut it, /(o!ody e&er told you that you+&e got to do "ore than God, did they;/ I had ne&er heard it said and it certainly wasn+t that Mu" didn+t work hard, she did' But she always ke%t ti"e for herself, ti"e when she )ust liked !eing with all those cra$y things that went with )ust !eing' 0he could si"%ly turn off' Anna could do it with ease' .urning off ca"e naturally to her, !ut with "e it was hard work' It took "e a long ti"e to learn that' As Mu" %ut it, how could you read a !ook if there were no s%aces !etween the 147 words; and "usic would sound like 1 don+t know what without its own inter&als> D D D .he (ew 5ear had arri&ed for "e al"ost unnoticed, e<ce%t for the fact that we were all going to !e a year older' Anna was fast growing u%, !oth in her si$e and her %ursuit of !eauty' I had recently !ought "yself a tande"' It would !e "uch safer to "ake our )ourneys on that than to ha&e her %erched on "y handle-!ars, where her continuous wriggling a!out was a !it of a ha$ard, to say the least' .hat year Anna was going to !e se&en so we decided that we would go off to see Cohn and show hi" our al"ost new tande"' It hadn+t taken "uch to alter the rear seat and the handle-!ars, and we were all set for off' I don+t think she had really noticed the %edals and that they were there in order to hel% the thing along> I really didn+t "ind at all, doing all the %edalling, and she found it easier to look at things as we went along "uch !etter than when wriggling around on the handle-!ars' Cohn ga&e it a really close ins%ection as he walked around it' /5ou "ay find this difficult to !elie&e, young #ynn,/ he said, /!ut I was once &ery good on one of these contra%tions' 2nce the weather gets a lot war"er you "ust let "e use it for a little ride/' /I+ll steer it, Mister Cohn/, said Anna' /I think/, he re%lied a little dou!tfully, /we had !etter wait until you are a !it older'/ /I+" nearly se&en/, she re%lied' /.hat+s old'/ /0e&en>/, he said' /.hat+s old is it; ?ell, well, well' I+" nearly '''/ *e started to gi&e his age and then thought !etter of it' *e "erely said, /.hat "akes "e &ery old, then'/ I went into the house with Cohn for a %int of refresh"ent, lea&ing Anna to wander around in the garden' ?e !oth raised our tankards and wished each other a /*a%%y (ew 5ear/ and then he said, /.hat little one out there has "ade "e reali$e so"ething I really ought to ha&e known' It+s an error that I really can+t account for'/ /?hat+s that, Cohn;/, I asked, 9uite uncertain as to what this terri!le error "ight !e' *e chuckled dee% in his throat !efore he answered' /I su%%ose I had assu"ed that the "ind was a sort of array of little cu%!oards, each one clearly "arked with its %articular su!)ect'/ *e ticked off a nu"!er on his fingers - /Mathe"atics, English, 0cience, Geogra%hy, and ''' "ay!e 1eligion too/' I didn+t think he wanted any answer to that one, so I )ust waited for hi" to continue' /5ou can see "y %oint, young #ynn, can+t you;/

I shook "y head' /?ell, "ay!e not, !ut I+ll tell you this' After listening to little Miss 4hatter!o<,/ he said %ointing to the window, /I+&e !egun to think that you can+t organi$e your "ind in the sa"e way you can order your !ooks' It )ust doesn+t work that way'/ I did know the ne<t 9uestion to ask, !ut I ne&er got the chance' 149

/(o, #ynn,/ he continued, /whate&er goes in the "ind "ust, I su%%ose, !e, to so"e degree, altered !y what is already there'/ /0ounds all right to "e' I+ll go for that'/ /.his attitude of wonder and e<cite"ent that Anna has is so"ething that I think I+&e ne&er %ossessed' It "akes a difference, you know' #ynn' It %re&ents you kee%ing e&erything a%art' I won+t say that I think she+s always right in what she says, !ut I do ad"it that I was wrong in dis"issing it all too easily' ?hat a "i< u%' It is all a "i< u%, to !e sure, #ynn' ike e&ery!ody else I ha&e not !een without ho%e, !ut I need to !e con&inced' (ot that the little "aid has con&inced "e, !ut it+s the silly little things that she says that "ake "e dou!t "y own dou!t' A few days ago I asked her how did she know that Mister God was true and that he was really there' 0he si"%ly said she could feel hi" !ecause he is war"er than "e' +.hat+s why, if Mister God wasn+t different, I wouldn+t know, would I;+ /I did ask her a!out 0atan' +2ld (ick is colder+, she had said' 5ou know, #ynn, the way she has of %utting things does "ake sense' I su%%ose "y "istake has !een that I ha&e ne&er really %ut it to the test' Aerha%s I ought not to 9ui$ her too &igorously, #ynn, !ut she does ha&e an answer to all "y 9uestions' (ot that I understand her answers> /I asked her, +?here do I find Mister God;+ *er answer didn+t gi&e "e any co"fort at all> *er answer to that little 9uestion was +in %eo%le+s %u$$les+' ?hat do you "ake of that one, #ynn; I su%%ose she could !e right' .here I go again, #ynn, I do get too technical at ti"es, !ut I ha&e no other way' It+s difficult for "e to think a!out so"ething that is not o%en to ins%ection' All you are left with is to say what Mister God is like, and the little "aid can !e 9uite con&incing there' All her dratted circles and colours "ake a nice %oint' I+&e always found that the usual talk a!out God lea&es God as a re"ote and a!stract

thing, not the war"th that Anna talks a!out' I su%%ose if you are a!le to in&ol&e so"ething in e&erything and that e&erything+s in that so"ething, that has to !e the answer to Mister God' 0he see"s 1MG to !e a!le to do that with such ease and I "ust say, I like it' 0orry to sound so clinical, #ynn, that+s the way I a", I+" no e<%ert' 2n the other way, I need a great deal of %ractice' 0he always re"inds "e of an insurance co"%any, if you see what I "ean'/ .he re"ark was !eyond "e' /It+s the ignorance of the one thing that can, if you go a!out it in the right way, lead to knowledge of the "any things' .here I go again, !ut I do find her way "ost co"%elling'/ Cohn did ha&e a rough ti"e with Anna, with what he called the /in&isi!le stings of childhood/ and his wish to see things with other eyes' 2ne thing was certain' *e had changed a great deal' .ea didn+t take long that afternoon' All she really wanted was to get into the garden' /?ell, well, well, what caused that little eru%tion;/ /I don+t think anything caused it/, I said' /It+s )ust one of those things that ha%%en now and again' I think I need so"ething stronger than tea' A %int "ight !e !etter, or "ay!e e&en two'/ /It "ight at that, #ynn, it "ight at that' It was as well I retired when I did' I was really getting too old for it' .he thought of the !rat e&ery day of "y life was ''' well ''' too "uch' (o, not that, #ynn, let+s say &ery rich' 0he ne&er lea&es you with nothing to think of, does she;/ /.hat+s for sure' *ow do you like the thought of sticking the uni&erse in your ear, Cohn;/ /(ot a %leasant thought, to !e sure, !ut I see no way of getting out of the dile""a' Aerha%s we really are the wrong si$e after all' I "ust gi&e it so"e serious thought'/ /?hile you are thinking, Cohn, s%are a "o"ent to think a!out "y %ro!le" too' *ow the de&il do you talk to angels;/ /(ot talk, #ynn' 3o su"s' .here+s a difference' Aerha%s not "uch, !ut there "ust !e one'/ ?e did ha&e another %int !efore we left and had it not !een 1M1 for "y %assenger there "ight ha&e !een one "ore' /Good luck with the angels, #ynn>/, he said as we left' /I ha&e great faith in you and know that you+ll "anage so"ething to her satisfaction'/ /(uts>/, I said and we were off'

/Growing u%,/ Cohn said to "e one e&ening o&er a %int of !eer, /Growing u% - what the de&il does that "ean;/ /3on+t ask "e' If you don+t know !y now I don+t know who

does'/ /Gently, gently, "y young #ynn' Alease don+t ru! it in' It "ust ha&e so"ething to do with understanding, I su%%ose' 2therwise, what else;/ /Aerha%s it ought to, !ut it doesn+t always turn out that way, does it;/ /4onfor"ity to other %eo%le+s ideas, that+s what it is' 4onfor"ity>/ /2h> ?hat !rought that on;/ /.he little "aid' I ha&e !een thinking a lot a!out her recently' I still don+t understand her' Aerha%s I ne&er will'/ /Aerha%s we aren+t "eant to/, I re%lied' /Meant, #ynn, "eant> 3on+t gi&e "e any "ore of that gush' (o!ody "eans us to !e anything e<ce%t us and none of us are &ery good at that' 4onfor"ity is )ust too "uch to %ay for the %leasures of li&ing' I know that I+" "uch older than you, young #ynn, and I )ust don+t like it' (ot one !it' .he little one has got so"ething that I ha&en+t got and it+s %u$$led "e for weeks' I know what it is' It+s so"ething I lost too "any years ago' 0o"ething I should ha&e guarded with "y life' I ne&er reali$ed that until a few weeks ago' 4onfor"ity ro!!ed "e of it and I ne&er noticed until now'/ /?hat is it, Cohn; ?hat did you lose;/ /A &ision' Cust that I had one once, !ut not now' 0o"eti"es 1ME little Anna+s chatter re"inds "e of it, !ut it+s not there any longer, I+" afraid'/ /A &ision, Cohn; 3on+t we all ha&e the";/ /I+" sure we do, !ut confor"ity knocks it out of us and then it+s too late'/ /(ot with you, Cohn' (ot certain what you+re saying' ?hat do you "ean;/ /E<actly what you ha&e said' 5ou don+t know what I "ean' .he little one would ne&er "ake that "istake, she would know'/ /.hat+s !eyond "e, Cohn' 5ou )ust confuse "e and that+s not like you>/ *e chuckled' /*a&en+t you e&er noticed, #ynn, that a &ision, like lo&e, has its own language that you can ne&er find in a dictionary' .he little one knows that so she has to in&ent a way of words that is different' I hear what she says well enough and I listen well enough' Aerha%s I hear it too well and I correct what I hear, !ut there are so "any ti"es when 1 )ust don+t listen' Aerha%s that+s the difficulty of growing older, hearing -!ut not listening' Blasted kids,/ he grinned, /they listen, !ut so seldo" hear> 1e"ind "e again of that saying that your "other so often uses'/ /?hat one is that Cohn; 0he uses so "any>/ /.he one a!out sto%%ing'/ /2h, the one a!out if you ha&en+t sto%%ed in the course of the day then you )ust ha&en+t done anything worthwhile' Is that the one;/ /5es, that+s the one' It+s cra$y, )ust %lain stu%id, until you sto% and listen and then it "akes sense'/

/.hat+s what we call +doughnut s%eech+ at ho"e'/ /?ho called it that na"e;/, he asked' /Anna of course, who else;/ /.hat+s e<actly the %oint I+" dri&ing at' ?ith a &ision, you are forced to in&ent words' I had forgotten that that+s why you ha&e to listen so hard' .he straight and narrow sounds all right, 1MI !ut if you+re not careful, all you learn are the tricks of the trade and nothing else' I used to think at one ti"e that e&erything could !e written into a !ook, !ut now I+" not sure' Books "ight contain what you need to know, !ut where, oh where, do you find what you want to know; I+" &ery tired of tricks, #ynn, and I en&y you "ore than I can say'/ /?hy do you say that, Cohn;/ /Both your "other and the little "aid ha&e a &ision' It "ight "ake life &ery difficult for you, !ut don+t lose it' .here sure "ust !e "ore than words to it all, #ynn, don+t you think so; .here are ti"es when I a" of the o%inion that they are "ore of a hindrance than a hel%' ?hat is there other than words; .here+s nothing else to use'/ /I know Anna+s answer to that, Cohn/, I re%lied' /Beauty'/ /0he "ight ha&e so"ething there at that, !ut we still need words, for how else can we share !eauty;/ /5ou+d !etter ask Mu" a!out that' 0he reckons that when you co"e face to face with !eauty there is nothing else to do e<ce%t re"ain silent'/ /5our "other and the little "aid ha&e an answer for e&erything' It is )ust %ossi!le it+s right, !ut it+s so difficult to re"ain silent you know, young #ynn' 5ou "ay think that I a" against the Bi!le entirely' I+" not' I do ad"it to !eing %u$$led a!out the first and the last cha%ters of the Bi!le, !ut e&erything else I understand u% to a certain %oint' It %u$$led "e when I was a child and it still does now' #ynn, answer "e one 9uestion and then I+ll !e satisfied' ?ho was God talking to in the first cha%ter of Genesis;/ /(o!ody, as far as I know/, I said' /I+" glad you don+t know either' It always %u$$led "e when God says + et us "ake "an in our own i"age+' ?ho was this +us+ *e was talking to; .hat+s where I "ust ha&e lost "y &ision' I think it+s %u$$led "e all "y life' It was &ery early in "y life I resol&ed to dis%el the "ystery of it and %reser&e the wonder' I don+t think I+&e "ade a good )o! of that' It de%resses "e, !ut 1M4 then I a" encouraged to read the lines +and God saw that it was good+' Aerha%s it "eans !eautiful' 3o you think so, #ynn;/ /4ould !e, Cohn, could !e' I don+t really know'/ /I+" always so ha%%y when you !ring the little "aid to see "e, you "ust do it "ore often' (o, no #ynn, don+t say it is !ecause I+" old and she is so young' It+s not that at all' (or do I understand her chattering, !ut e&ery once in a while she unco&ers a !eauty for "e that I had lost' 3o you understand what I+" saying, #ynn;/ /I think so/, I re%lied' /.he ner&e of her> .he last ti"e you were here she told "e I was wrong'/ /*ow did that co"e a!out;/, I asked hi"'

/I ha%%ened to say that she was "agic'/

"So?"

/*er answer was so hard to !elie&e that I thought for a "o"ent that she was regarding herself too highly, "uch too highly, !ut I was wrong'/ /4o"e on Cohn, let+s ha&e it' ?hat did she say;/ /+(o Mister Cohn,+ she said, +I+" not "agic, I+" a "iracle>+ ?hat do you "ake of that;/ /Cust !eing her nor"al self, I su%%ose'/ /(o, you+re "aking the sa"e "istake as I did' +Miracles+, she told "e, +was when you said sorry to Mister God and he took you !ack to find what you had lost'+ I+" not at all certain a!out saying sorry to Mister God, !ut there is a lot of truth in taking you !ack to find what you ha&e lost, so who knows, "ay!e she is a sort of "iracle' 0o, #ynn, !ring her as often as you can'/ .here was no dou!t a!out it' Cohn had changed a lot since I had first "et hi"' *e was certainly a lot "ellower, although with "e he could still !e tough and still the sa"e old stringy Cohn that I had first "et' ?ith Anna he was "uch gentler, which was strange, !ecause it was "e he ought to ha&e !een gentle with' *e )ust didn+t know how tough Anna really was> ike so "any %eo%le who s%ent "uch ti"e with Anna, they so 1MM

often got it wrong' 0ure she was sweet, sure she was all the things that you "ight drool o&er in a child, !ut when, like "e, you could !e woken u% at any ti"e of night to talk a!out /the" things/ you !egan to see her in a different light' At three o+clock in the "orning, to !e faced with the 9uestion, /#ynn, the" things you was talking a!out yesterday - what does it do;/ or "ay!e /?hat does it "ean;/ 0he ne&er did reali$e that at that ti"e in the "orning I had enough %ro!le"s trying to figure out what I was, let

alone trying to e<%lain what /the" things/ were %articularly when /the" things/ could !e al"ost anything fro" a rice %udding to a &olcano' I didn+t see her as sweet 1MN at these ti"es, !ut I didn+t really "ind' In fact, once I got o&er the shock of ha&ing "y eyes o%ened, I really en)oyed it' It was often in the "iddle of the night that things really ha%%ened' .o wake u% to her /#ynn, #ynn ''' the =icar>/ /Eh> ?hat; ?hat a!out the =icar' ?hat+s he !een u% to;/ /?hy does he ha&e to %rotect Mister God so "uch and "ake %eo%le frightened;/ /(o idea, .ich'/ /?hy does he %rotect Mister God so "uch and attack %eo%le;/ /I+&e got no idea'/ /?hy does he do it then;/ /3unno'/ .hat wasn+t "y idea of a good night+s slee%, !ut that was the way I got used to "y nights, and this was one of the things a!out her that &ery few %eo%le knew, and as for her %rayers that I heard e&ery night, I often wondered what the 1e&' 4astle "ight say on that su!)ect> /*ello, Mister God' .his is Anna talking/, which was a nice way to start' .here were also ti"es when it see"ed to "e that it was her way of letting Mister God know who he was talking to' *er ne<t words "ight easily !egin, /(ow look, Mister God '''/ or / ook here, Mister God '''/ 0he could )ust as easily gi&e hi" a good scolding or tell hi" how wonderful e&erything was' I reckon you had to !e %retty sure of Mister God to start off with /(ow look, Mister God, you "ustn+t !la"e hi" or '''/ Anna was certainly sure a!out Mister God' 0o sure that the occasional ticking off was 9uite all right' It was at these "o"ents when the sweetness that other %eo%le saw in her could turn her into so"ething tougher than any!ody reali$ed' ?hen Cohn had s%oken to "e of Mu"+s and Anna+s &ision, he "ade "e a little itchy' =isions were so"ething I knew &ery little a!out' 0o far as I was aware, we were a little short of &isions, &isitations, &oices and such like down our street' E&ery!ody was far too !usy doing lots of things with so &ery 1M7 little to e<%ect such wonderful ha%%enings' ?hen Cohn had told "e )ust how "uch he en)oyed !eing with her and listening to her chatter, he then said, /0he %ro!a!ly is the co"%lete eclectic'/ *e "ade it sound as if she had got the "easles or the %lague or so"ething like that' .hat was a new one to "e' I had to look it u% in the dictionary' /Eclectic/ "eant %icking u% those things that %lease her "ost, !ut what was wrong with that; It was true she %icked u% things, she %icked other %eo%le+s "inds or other %eo%le+s ideas, whate&er %leased her' ?hat Cohn didn+t reali$e then was that that was the easy !it' ?hat she was then doing was re-arranging the !its she %icked u% or the !its that %leased her and, in due ti"e, she would %resent this !ou9uet to Mister God' (ot )ust a !unch, !ut a %ro%er !ou9uet, one of the !est arrange"ents %ossi!le' .hat+s where she was a toughy' .hat took ti"e' 0o"eti"es what she wanted was hard to find' * * * 2n the day of the 0unday 0chool outing, that once a year scra"!le for the kids, I was

una!le to go along with the"' I had to work a few hours+ o&erti"e that 0aturday "orning' I did "anage to get all the kids to the a%%ointed %lace in ti"e and we waited for the char-a-!anc to arri&e' /0orry you can+t co"e, #ynn,/ said Millie, /!ut we+&e got enough of us to look after this lot'/ After work I decided to s%end a few hours with Cohn' I did like talking to hi" and he was glad to see "e when I arri&ed' /Glad to see you, young #ynn' By yourself;/ /Anna+s off to the seaside with the kids fro" the 0unday 0chool'/ ?e talked a!out this and that, drank a few %ints and "unched a few sandwiches, !ut Anna cre%t !ack into our con&ersation' /#ynn, I+" ne&er really sure if she+s teasing "e or not'/ /I know what you "ean' It+s not that what she says always 1MF "akes sense, far fro" it' All the sa"e, I know what you+re going to say, Cohn' 5ou "ust not, or cannot, ignore it or dis"iss it co"%letely'/ /.hat is e<actly it> 0he so often "i<es u% her su!)ect "atter so co"%letely that I a" not always certain what she+s u% to'/ /I+&e !een there !efore/, I said' /2ften, ne&ertheless, #ynn, in s%ite of what you and I "ight call a "uddle, she does %aint a "ost ca%ti&ating %icture' 2ne that I wouldn+t "iss for anything'/ /3on+t worry, Cohn, she won+t let you "iss anything>/ /5ou know "y &iews on religious "atters;/ /I ha&e heard, Cohn' I ha&e heard>/ /It+s her attitude to her %recious Mister God that %u$$les "e so "uch' 2f course, #ynn, it+s none of "y !usiness whether any!ody !elie&es in God' By all "eans, if that+s what gi&es you co"fort'''/ /(ot co"fort, Cohn/, I "anaged to say' /.hat+s easy' It+s )oy, and that+s not easy'/ /As I was a!out to say, #ynn, she see"s to know her %articular God so well that I can+t'''/, he %aused for a long "o"ent, /''' can+t tell the" a%art> It+s always struck "e as strange, #ynn'/ /?hat has;/ /.he fact that the less you know any!ody, the greater are the differences that you can recogni$e, and con&ersely, the "ore you know a %erson, the "ore you reali$e )ust how alike you are'/ /.hat+s an interesting thought, Cohn' It "akes "e wonder, if Mister God reali$es )ust how alike he is to Anna he "ight ha&e a !it of fun for a change'/ /If I was a church-going "an, #ynn, I "ight say you were !eing sacrilegious, !ut as I a" not a church-goer, I "erely say that you+re !eing facetious' 3id it e&er occur to you to wonder why I singled you out all those years ago;/

/(o, !ut I did often wonder why it was always "e that ended u% with so "any !eatings'/ 1M9 /2h that> It ne&er did you any har"' I singled you out, for, in "any ways, you re"inded "e of "yself when I was your age'/ /In what way was that, Cohn;/ /4ocksure> fust !loody cocksure> Aerha%s we )ust grew u% too fast' 5ou know, #ynn, !earing in "ind what I said a few "o"ents ago, you are !eginning to sound like Anna at ti"es' ?hat a terrifying %ros%ect for you, young #ynn'/ /*ow+s that, Cohn;/ /.o ha&e !oth "e and Anna inside you at one and the sa"e ti"e> (o wonder you get so "uddled at ti"es' (o offence "eant, #ynn, no offence' 3on+t worry> .hey see" to fit well enough' I+" ha%%y'/ ?e talked in that fashion for hours' /#ynn, it would !e nice if other %eo%le could see "e as you and Anna do' Most %eo%le see "e as a cantankerous old Grouch' I su%%ose I a"' ?hen are the children !ack fro" their outing;/ /.hey are due at the church at si< o+cloock'/ /Ah/, he said' /5ou can %ut your !icycle in the !ack of the car and I+ll dri&e you there' I+d like to see the kids again'/ 0o, at the %ro%er ti"e we ended u% at the church and, after a short wait, the char-a-!anc arri&ed' In no ti"e at all Cohn found hi"self in the "iddle of a tangle of kids' /*i, #ynn,/ said Millie' /I+" done to a fra$$le' I+" worn out>/ /*ow+d it go, Mill;/ / ike clockwork, like clockwork' My !loody s%ring+s !usted'/ 0lowly the kids found their "u"s and left, and I walked o&er to Cohn and Anna' /#ynn,/ he said, /I ha&e suggested to Anna that she "ight like to co"e to "y !irthday %arty ne<t 0aturday, if that is con&enient to you, that is' 0he can !ring a few of her friends too' (ot too "any, of course, I really could not face all that lot'/ 0o the ti"e and %lace was arranged and he went' I was co"%letely una!le to suggest to Anna any %resent that Cohn "ight like to ha&e' (ot with the "oney that was a&aila!le, that is' 0o far as I could see, there was nothing "uch he didn+t 1NG ha&e' I had to lea&e it to her' .hat week was a fren$y of acti&ity' ?hate&er it was that was going on I was not allowed to see' I often saw Millie and Anna sitting with their !acks to the railway wall, !usy doing so"ething or other, and in the kitchen, things were hurriedly %ut away' I got "any a secret s"ile fro" Millie and Anna, !ut that was as far as I got' I knew that Millie was co"ing to the %arty and Bo"!o", May and Bunty, and that was as far as I knew' And I was told that we were going !y !us, so we could sit u%stairs in the front' 2f course, there was no other way to go, not when you were nearly se&en, that is' 0o ar"ed with the fare "oney that I had gi&en her, we !oarded the !us and in due ti"e we arri&ed at 1ando"

4ottage, %olished and all shined u%' Cohn didn+t try to shy away fro" Mill+s war" kiss or fro" the rest of the kisses fro" the kids' After all, this was a &ery s%ecial day' .he sitting roo" was full of %eo%le drinking cocktails and eating /funny things on sticks/' /I know you, Millie, would like a large whisky, and a %int of "y s%ecial for you, #ynn; And for the children, there+s le"onade, ginger %o% and that kind of thing' ?hat would you like to eat;/ All the &arious !its and %ieces on sticks, so easily and ra%idly rechristened /horses doofers/, they didn+t want' ?hat they did want was toast and dri%%ing, the "eaty )elly stuff at the !otto" of the !asin' Anna tugged at "y ar"' /.he %resent, #ynn, when;/ /(ow,/ I said, /right now'/ And so Cohn was wished /*a%%y Birthday/ and handed &arious %ackages and /stick)aw/ toffees' It was a %ity that Bunty+s offering of a !ag of hundreds and thousands !urst on its way to the ta!le' Ara!ella+s s9ueal alerted the whole co"%any to this disaster, !ut we soon sorted that one out, and I took the kids off to the kitchen to hunt for toast and dri%%ing, and in no ti"e at all they were ha%%ily "unching away' 4onsidering how house-%roud Ara!ella was, %lus the fact that dri%%ing has a ha!it 1N1

of dri%%ing e&erywhere, I decided that the %lace for us was in the kitchen out of all %ossi!le danger' It was there that Cohn found us' 1NE /I ho%e you+&e all had enough' 4o"e along with "e and "eet e&ery!ody' ook, Anna,/ he said, /I+" wearing "y !adge/, and he dis%layed his large !eadwork red heart' /And as for your %icture of "e, I think that is wonderful'/ .his was news to "e' I hadn+t seen the heart !efore, nor the %icture' ?e followed Cohn !ack to the sitting roo"' /*a&e you had your toast and dri%%ing;/, asked a lady' /5es, fanks, Missis/, said Bunty' /?asn+t arf good, too' It lines yer !elly a treat that do'/ .hey all laughed' /And this,/ said Cohn, taking Anna forward !y the hand, /is the young lady who drew "y likeness/' .he likeness was of a face constructed fro" nu"!ers and surrounded !y hearts' /*ow &ery cle&er of you to think of such an original idea/, said a lady'

/It+s so like Cohn' (othing !ut nu"!ers'/ /All the" hearts are hi" too/, corrected Anna' Cohn glowed at this and %laced his new likeness on the centre of the "antel%iece' .he %arty went well and e&entually all the other guests left, lea&ing us alone' As Bo"!o" was "incing u% and down with an e"%ty cocktail glass: /*ow original of you, "y dear>/, Cohn was standing in the doorway' *e did "anage to "o&e out of sight !efore he !urst into laughter' * * * I had !een in Cohn+s garden for near on a cou%le of hours' Ara!ella wanted that %atch of thistles, docks and nettles turned into the usual well-ordered flower !ed' I had "anaged to get it near to what she wanted, !ut !y now e&en "y !listers were getting !listers' It was ti"e I %acked it in' I was careful to tidy "yself u%, and %ut on a different %air of shoes so that I didn+t tread "ud all o&er the house' Anna and Cohn were heads down, !attling away o&er a ga"e of draughts' Cohn lifted his head and %ointed across the roo"' 1NI /Aour yourself a %int, #ynn' I can reco""end the new !rew, and you "ight )ust as well !ring "e one, too'/ I was thankful to get the weight off "y feet, and sank into a co"forta!le ar"chair' I "anaged one long drink and then it ha%%ened' /It+s like Mister God, ain+t it, Mister Cohn;/ Cohn didn+t answer' /Ain+t it like Mister God, #ynn;/ I didn+t "o&e' After all, since, according to Anna, al"ost e&erything was like Mister God in one way or another, it ca"e as no sur%rise to "e to learn that %laying a ga"e of draughts was like Mister God' I didn+t know how it was, !ut it really didn+t "atter, for in due ti"e we would !e told' Cohn wasn+t at all used to this kind of thing and showed his i"%atience' /Get on with it, it+s your "o&e'/ /#ynn, if Mister Cohn is Mister God and I+" "e, this is where it starts'/ Cohn had !een called "any things !efore, !ut ne&er e&er had he !een called /Mister God/, and he didn+t know which way to look' /*e always found it difficult to %retend' /#ynn, here> ook>/ .here was little use in "aking a fuss, so I )ust got u% and went' /*e+s Mister God o&er there and I+" "e here'/ /5eah, I know that'/ I looked at Cohn and raised "y eye!rows' /#ynn, don+t you dare' 3on+t you dare say anything>/ I couldn+t resist it' /*e+s Mister God and you+re you, I+&e got that !it' ?hat+s ne<t;/ I said' /.hen I+" going that way to hi" and he+s going this way to "e'/

/@h, uh, that+s the usual way it+s done'/ /0o it is a !it like Mister God, ain+t it, #ynn; It+s got to !e'/ 0he nodded her agree"ent with herself' 1N4 /.hen what ha%%ens;/ I asked' 0he thought for a "o"ent !efore she launched into the ne<t !it' /#ynn,/ she e<clai"ed with e<cite"ent, /if I get ho"e to his side he+s gotta turn "e into a King, don+t he;/ /?hat ha%%ens,/ I "anaged to ask, /if he gets to your side; *ow do you work that one out;/ /?ell,/ she re%lied, /he can turn hi"self into anything he likes, can+t he;/ Although this wasn+t the kind of con&ersation Cohn e&er got hi"self in&ol&ed in, he did "anage to ask a 9uestion' /Anna, "y dear, what ha%%ens in the "iddle; After all, that is where the ga"e is %layed'/ /4ourse it is, I know that'/ /?ell;/, I asked' 0he looked at Cohn and "e as if we were so"e for" of idiot' /?ell,/ she announced, /you gotta !e careful then, don+t you;/ /It+s all really too si"%le when you know how, isn+t it;/ /5ou finish off "y ga"e, #ynn' Must ha&e a %ee'/ Cohn looked at "e and laughed' /*ow does she do it, #ynn, how;/ /0earch "e/, I said' /I ha&en+t found the answer yet'/ /0he see"s to !e a!le to wriggle out of the "ost co"%licated situations/, he said' /?ell,/ I added, /there are ti"es when she si"%ly shifts it o&er to you' If you want to %lay you+&e got to !e %re%ared for the changes'/ * * * It was a!out the "iddle of 2cto!er' .he days were !eginning to get noticea!ly shorter' I was ha&ing a chinwag with Millie and 3anny at the to% of the street' .he gasla"%s were ne&er all that !right, and I didn+t notice Ara!ella until she was al"ost on to% 1NM of us' 0he &ery nearly tu"!led and certainly would ha&e done so, had 3anny not held her u%' /#ynn, can you co"e; Cohn wants to see you, I think he "ight die' #ynn, do you think that you could !ring Anna, too;/ /I+" not at all sure' *ow !ad is he;/ /I think he+s &ery !ad' .he doctor is with hi" now' #ynn, %lease ask Anna' 0he wouldn+t !e frightened, would she; (ot with you'/ /I+ll go and ask Mu" and Anna/, I said' /?ould you like to co"e down with "e or would

you rather stay here;/ Millie said: /5ou stay here with us, Ara!ella, and let #ynn sort it out at ho"e' 5ou hold on here and I+ll %o% across the road for a whisky' 5ou look as if you could do with a lifter'/ /*ow a!out getting you ho"e after all this;/, asked 3anny' /I+&e got "y "otor!ike around the corner and you+re welco"e to a ride if you like'/ /It+ll ha&e to do, won+t it;/ she said' I returned a!out this %oint with the news that Mu" had said it was all right if Anna wanted to go' 0o Mu" was already getting "y tande" onto the street and Anna was %utting on so"ething war"' 3anny went off to get his "otor!ike as Millie returned with the whisky and a stool for Ara!ella to sit on' /#ynn,/ she said, /I think that we are going to lose hi" this ti"e' *e has had too "any little attacks in the last few years, !ut this, #ynn, this one is !ig and I don+t really know what to do'/ Mu" turned u%, %ushing "y tande", along with Anna following !ehind' /Anything I can do;/ she asked' /?ish I knew what/, I said, /I don+t think so'/ /If there is,/ said Mu" as she turned to go, /gi&e Mrs Bartlett a ring and I+ll certainly do what I can' If you ha&e to sto%, that+ll !e all right' I know where you are, !ut do !e careful on this dark night' Be careful and don+t go along the 4anal' 0tick to the road' 0ee you when I see you then' .ake care'/ I %ro"ised I would' A "inute or two later the roar and rattle 1NN of 3anny+s !ike heralded the fact that he was nearly with us' /0orry I was so long' I had to find a cushion for the %illion seat' 0orry a!out the noise, Ara!ella, !ut the old e<haust is getting a !it dicky, !ut it+ll get us there all right' 2h, and kee% your leg away fro" it, it does get a !it hot' I can+t think of any other way of getting you ho"e'/ /.his will do )ust fine'/ /It+ll ha&e to, #ynn/, he said' /I+ll get off now, so we+ll !e waiting for you'/ ?ith one last ad)ust"ent of the e<haust they were off' It was a so!er little grou% that listened to the fading roar of that engine' By this ti"e there "ust ha&e !een twenty or so %eo%le huddled around that la"% %ost' /*o%e he+s gonna !e all right/, said Bo"!o"' /*e ain+t gonna die, is he, #ynn;/, asked May' /3on+t know, lu&/, I re%lied' /?e+ll )ust ha&e to wait and see'/ /*e+s a nice old gee$er'/ .his was fro" (i%%er' /*ow long it+ll take you to get there;/, asked Millie' /.en, "ay!e fifteen "inutes/, I re%lied' /0u%%ose we+d !etter get off then' 5ou on, .ich;/ /I+" ready, #ynn'/

/*o%e it+ll turn out all right, #ynn' Gi&e hi" our lo&e, if you can/, said Millie' I %ro"ised I would do that if I could' /And, #ynn,/ she yelled as we "o&ed off, /gi&e us a ring if you need any hel%'/ I wanted to s%eed along as 9uickly as I could, !ut with Anna on the !ack, I had to !e e<tra careful' ?hat with all the tra"lines, the di"ly lit streets and those da"n co!!le stones I )ust had to concentrate' My %assenger was silent for the whole )ourney' I was not used to this lack of chatter, !ut in the circu"stances it was a good thing' It allowed "e to gi&e "y full attention to getting us there in one %iece' A!out two hundred yards fro" 1ando" 4ottage, we "et 3anny %ushing his "otor 1N7 !ike on the ho"eward )ourney' I %ulled into the side of the road, /*i, 3a' .rou!le;/ /(o' .hought I+d !etter %ush this old contra%tion away fro" the house !efore I start her u%' 0he can "ake a !it of a racket at ti"es' ?ait a tick, #ynn, will you; I "ight need a !it of a %ush' .here+s so"e!ody there, #ynn' .here+s a cou%le of cars in the dri&e' 3on+t know who' May!e the doctor' 3on+t know' 5ou+re to go straight into the sitting roo"'/ By then his "otor!ike was shattering the night air' It really was a!out ti"e he got a new e<haust' I waited a few "inutes until the sound of his engine faded into the distance' It was a "atter of holding on to so"ething fa"iliar for a while longer' I leant "y tande" against a tree in the garden and we headed for the house' ?e said nothing until we had reached the %orch' Anna was holding "y hand' 0he s%oke "y na"e' /#ynn'/ It was the first word she had said for the last twenty "inutes' Anna %ulled her skirt and to% straight and silently 9uestioned "e' I nodded' 0he gri%%ed "y hand tightly as we entered the sitting roo"' I was a little sur%rised to !e confronted !y a "an in clerical gar!' *e walked towards us with outstretched hand' /Ah, Cohn+s %rotege and his !right star>/ *e had %laced his hand on Anna+s head for this last re"ark' /Cohn 3aniel ne&er sto%s talking a!out you>/ *e shook "y hand once again' /Gerald *odge'/ It was "any "onths later that I was told that Gerald *odge was Cohn+s younger !rother' It hardly see"ed %ossi!le' .hey were so different' Anna had wriggled away fro" his hand and was sitting !eside "e' .he !rothers were so different fro" each other that the thought of the" held "y attention for so"e "inutes' Gerald had none of Cohn+s shar% cutting edge, and ne&er s%oke with those attacking sentences that I had !eco"e accusto"ed to' .he only thing they see"ed to ha&e in co""on was an air of certainty' 1NF Gerald once "ore %laced his hand on Anna+s head' /.he !right star, the !right star ''' and a little child shall lead the"'/ I could see that she didn+t really like the /!right star/ stuff, !ut she didn+t say anything' ?e )ust sat' Gerald said, /*e+s told "e so "uch a!out you !oth I feel that I know you well' *e has ne&er really lo&ed "any %eo%le, !ut I think he is lika!le'/ Gerald oo$ed goodness' It was a week or so later that it dawned on "e that he had ne&er used any!ody+s 4hristian na"e in those few hours at 1ando" 4ottage' I had !een o&erwhel"ed !y his

%resence and had !een a!le to say nothing "ore than, /*ow do you do;/ .hough it could ha&e !een no longer than ten "inutes !efore Ara!ella ca"e into the drawing roo", it see"ed like hours' /?ill you go in now; *e+s waiting for you' I think he+s a little !righter'/ ?e started to "ake our way u% to Cohn+s !edroo" until Ara!ella told us that she had set u% a !ed for hi" in his study' I ta%%ed lightly' I was relie&ed to hear the sna% of /?ell, co"e in, co"e in'/ ?e entered, not 9uite knowing what to e<%ect' Cohn didn+t look too !ad, a !it washed out, %erha%s' Anna had to hold his tankard of !eer for hi"8 he was none too steady' /(ot too long, I a" a !it tired' I+" &ery glad you+&e co"e' =ery' 3o sit down, #ynn, for goodness sake' 5ou "ake the %lace untidy' 0it on the !ed !eside "e, .ich' I want to look at you'/ Anna grinned and wrinkled her nose' /?ell, !rat,/ he s"iled at her, /!een talking to Mister God again;/ 0he %ut her head on his shoulder and whis%ered to hi"' /0o ha&e I .ich, so ha&e I'/ I heard hi" say that distinctly8 there was no dou!t a!out that' ?e stayed for a few "inutes longer and then I got u% to lea&e' /It+s !est/, he said' /I really do want a rest'/ Anna kissed hi"' /Goodnight, Mister Cohn' I lo&e you'/ /I lo&e you !oth' I do' 5ou had !etter stay the night' 5ou can 1N9 use "y !edroo"' I+" not using it' 5ou+ll !e alone u%stairs' I don+t su%%ose you two hunters will "ind that, will you; 4o"e and see "e in the "orning'/ ?e left hi"' Ara!ella didn+t o!)ect to us staying the night, nor slee%ing in Cohn+s roo"' (or did she tell us not to touch anything> (either of us felt like slee% although we were !oth tired' ?e stood !y the o%en window in Cohn+s roo" and talked' /#ynn, Mister Cohn lo&es "e and you, don+t he;/, she said' /5es he did, #ynn, he called "e .ich' 3id you hear hi"; And !rat too'/ /3id you "ind;/ /(o, it was nice'/ ?e talked a!out little things for a while !efore we stretched out on the !ed' Anna had her usual long con&ersation with Mister God, with "y ar" around her, and we sle%t' It was a!out "idnight and I had !een u% since )ust after fi&e that "orning' Although I wanted to stay awake I couldn+t' I sle%t' It didn+t feel as if I had had "ore than four hours+ slee%, !ut I had' It felt "ore like four "inutes' A knock at the door had shot "e out of !ed' It was Ara!ella' /Cohn+s gone, #ynn' *e+s gone' A!out an hour

ago'/ 0o this was it, I thought' I didn+t notice that Anna was !eside "e' 0he had heard it' It was odd that "y first thought had !een that I was glad that I was not the one to !reak the news to her' I was 9uite uncertain what ca"e ne<t' ?hat to do; Anna, in her "agic way, )ust took o&er, or so it see"ed' After all, se&en was really a ri%e old age, wasn+t it; /I+ll go and "ake so"e tea/, and Anna was off to do so' It was one of those things that )ust ha%%en at ti"es' After the strain of that night the fact that Anna was off to "ake so"e tea was a !it too "uch for Ara!ella' 0he )ust e<%loded into %eals of laughter' /2h, #ynn,/ she gas%ed, /she is so ''' well, what+s the word, 17G #ynn, I )ust don+t know, she+s '''/ /0he is, ain+t she;/, I "anaged to say' .rue to her word, !y the ti"e we had reached the kitchen she had %re%ared the !iggest %ot of the !lackest tea that she could "anage' /3one so"e toast for you, #ynn' 4ouldn+t find no dri%%ing though'/ 0he was totally engrossed in cooking !acon and eggs for Ara!ella' /I couldn+t "anage that' (ot all that>/ (o, !ut definitely no, Anna did not want to %ay her last res%ects to Cohn' /5ou do, #ynn' *e ain+t there' *e+s with Mister God'/ And that was that' Ara!ella asked us if we would "ind staying with her for the day' It was Anna+s suggestion that we stayed the night too' /?hy don+t you let Millie co"e to"orrow when we+&e gone ho"e;/ /?ell,/ said Ara!ella, /I don+t know a!out that'/ .hen after a %ause' /3o you think it would !e all right; ?ould she "ind; I would like so"e co"%any and she could hel%' 5ou tele%hone Mrs Bartlett and tell Millie and 3oody to co"e'/ .hat was the way that day %rogressed' ?e )ust did what we were told, whilst Anna whi$$ed a!out the kitchen %roducing a cu% of tea e&ery half hour or so' It was early ne<t "orning !efore Millie and 3oody arri&ed, and after they were settled in, I decided that it was ti"e Anna and I were off' /Cohn left this for you, #ynn/, Ara!ella said, handing "e a letter, and so"e !ooks for Anna' 2n our way ho"e I did wonder )ust how Ara!ella would "ake out with two young %rostitutes in the house' I felt certain that Cohn would ha&e chuckled a!out it' Millie and 3oody stayed with Ara!ella for a!out a week, doing or hel%ing to do those things that had to !e done' Cohn+s 171 !ody was taken u% to the (orth of England, where his !rother arranged the !urial in a churchyard for which he was res%onsi!le'

Anna was a!sor!ed !y her new treasures - those !ooks that Cohn had left her astrono"y, "athe"atics, and %hysics' #or no reason at all that I know of I didn+t o%en Cohn+s letter to "e for a!out two weeks' My e<cuse was that I had !een too !usy' May!e I had !een' I don+t know' /?here+s Cohn+s letter, Mu";/ /@nder the clock on the "antel%iece' I %ut it there for safety'/ I o%ened it in the !ack yard' I reckoned that I wanted to !e alone' /My dear #ynn and Anna,/ it !egan, /I write to tell you what a )oy it has !een to know you !oth' 5ou "ay !e sur%rised to know that although I ha&e had no sudden re&elation or +road to 3a"ascus+ illu"ination, I ha&e at least co"e to the reali$ation that I "ade a gross error in dis"issing religion too ra%idly' (ow I find that it isn+t the cosy hideaway I thought it to !e, !ut hard work' Anna "y dear, how right you were> I did want to know how it all started and how right you were to want to know how it all ends' Anna, if you still ha&e that dis%lay of those circles, will you enter "e at so"e %oint as a !lue dot; /My dears, I salute you and your friends' /I salute the God-hunters' I can already hear .ich saying +!ut Mister Cohn, Mister God is hunting for us too>+ I do ho%e so' Good luck in your searching' /I send "y lo&e to you !oth'

Cohn'/
0o"ewhere down the line I reckon there "ust !e an affinity !etween Mister Cohn+s world and Anna+s, !ut in order to sol&e their %ro!le"s, they had to hunt in different fields, and each 17E saw the other+s as different' Aerha%s "ost %eo%le need !oth' I certainly do' Ara!ella sold 1ando" 4ottage and went to li&e with a cousin, I think so"ewhere in (ew Oealand' E<ce%t for a few 4hrist"as cards, that was the last I heard of her' As for 1ando" 4ottage, it was lost, together with other houses, under a dual carriageway'

It was strange for "e not to !e a!le to share "y thoughts with Cohn any "ore' (o "ore tankards of ale with hi" - those occasions when I s%ent a lot of ti"e fending off the icecold logic of his attacks' (ow I would ha&e to sort out "y own %ro!le"s' *e had undou!tedly changed a lot during the years I had known hi"' 0o"e %eo%le told "e how "uch he had "ellowed in his later years - or that he had !eco"e /al"ost hu"an/ after his retire"ent' But it wasn+t that, for 2ld Cohn was always &ery "uch a hu"an - he could !e hurt' Mu" had told "e a long ti"e ago that the effort he had %ut into hiding his hurt had "ade hi" a !it irrita!le' May!e she was right' /?hy do you think he caned you so often - for the fun of it;/ /I hadn+t gi&en it "uch thought/, I re%lied'

/0i"%ly to toughen you u%;/ /*old it, Mu"' *old it> I reckon I was tough enough for "y age, don+t you;/ /2h, you were strong enough> Aerha%s a !it too strong for your own good' But I don+t "ean that kind of strength' It+s the other kind of strength I+" talking a!out' It was so"e years ago that Mister Cohn told "e that he was going to take you under his wing !ecause you so "uch re"inded hi" of hi"self at your age'/ /I know that, Mu",/ I re%lied, /he told "e that too, !ut I ne&er did know what he was ai"ing at' I don+t think that I+" anything like Cohn'/ 17I *er eyes crinkled and she s"iled' /5ou+re "ore alike than you know>/ /*ow+s that, Mu"; In what ways;/ /5ou are )ust a %air of !ig softies>/, she laughed' /And that+s why he !eat you so often, so that you wouldn+t !e too easily hurt'/ /3on+t know a!out that, Mu"/, I laughed' /May!e he wasn+t "uch to look at, !ut he was strong and he certainly knew how to use the old +%ersuader+>/ /2h, that,/ she re%lied, /that+s nothing' 5ou+ll get a lot "ore hurts than that in your life' If that+s the only kind of hurt you ha&e in your life, you+ll ha&e it %retty easy'/ I wasn+t at all certain that I had understood her %ro%erly and said so' /It doesn+t "atter/, she re%lied' /5ou+ll learn>/ It was )ust another one of those occasions when I wasn+t going P to get anywhere' /*e did change a lot, didn+t he;/ I tried another tack' /*e certainly did that, he certainly did' *e was a lot "ore content and ha%%ier in his last two years' It was good to see it'/ /It was a good thing that Anna ca"e to li&e with us/, I said' /I reckon she did hi" a %ower of good'/ Mu" looked at "e a long ti"e !efore she asked, /In what ways do you "ean;/ /?ell, all her chattering a!out Mister God hel%ed hi" to change his "ind' 3on+t you think so;/ 0he didn+t answer "e' /I reckon he ended his life !elie&ing that there "ight !e a God after all'/ /?ell,/ she re%lied, /he was certainly no longer con&inced that there wasn+t a God' .hat+s for sure'/ /I reckon he did !elie&e/, I said' /Aerha%s' All I know for sure is that the last ti"e he ca"e here he asked "e if I could lend hi" a Bi!le'/ 174 /I+" sure Anna had a lot to do with that/, I said' /0he was like a ''' like a '''/ /3on+t/, Mu" interru%ted "e' /3on+t say what I think you were going to say' 5ou+ll certainly !e wrong'/

/*ow do you know what I was going to say; *ow could you know;/ /I can read you like a !ook' After all, I+&e known you long enough' .here are ti"es I know what you+re going to say !efore you know yourself'/ /All right, then, tell "e what I was going to say, if you can' .ell "e>/ /A %ound to a %enny you were going to "ake the sa"e "istake as your Aunty 3oll and Mrs ?eeks "ake, that Anna was sent !y God or that she is a "essenger or so"ething like that' 4o"e on, ad"it it>/ /?ell,/ I "anaged, /not e<actly that, !ut so"ething si"ilar, I su%%ose'/ /.hought so>/, she re%lied' /?hat a !urden to hang around a child+s neck> ?hat a !urden>/ /I can see that,/ I said, /!ut you+&e got to ad"it she is a !it different and I+" sure that she did hel% Cohn'/ /2f course she did, !ut not in the way you think'/ /*ow then;/ Mu" laid her hand on "ine' /.o use his own words, his &ery own words when I last saw hi", +Anna has shown "e how useless it is to !uild Mind Mountains, and that to know God is altogether different fro" descri!ing God+' I wouldn+t %ut it that way "yself'''/ +/A Mind Mountain+; ?hat did he "ean !y that;/ / ike your stu%id wall' E&en if you had lea%t o&er it, it wouldn+t ha&e "eant that you had grown u% - only that you were !igger' .hat+s a +Mind Mountain+' 0o don+t !uild any "ore>/ /In that case, I+ll try not to' ?hat was it a!out Anna; ?hat has she got that I ha&en+t; ?hat did Cohn see;/ 17M /?ell, nu"!er one, the night you !rought her ho"e you told "e that she was lost, right;/ I nodded' /If she was lost, I+" a 3utch"an> ?hy, she+s one of the few %eo%le who really knows who she !elongs to, and that surely is not !eing lost>/ /5ou "ean Mister God;/ I didn+t need an answer to that 9uestion' I shouldn+t ha&e asked it in the first %lace' /(u"!er two,/ she continued, /is that she is too !usy li&ing to carry around with her any useless !aggage' 0o don+t you hang anything on to her what she doesn+t need> Got "e;/ /Got you, Mu"'/ /I reckon that )ust si"%ly !y her chatter and her lo&ingness Cohn saw another world that he hadn+t seen !efore - not )ust the world oi his own knowledge' I know how "uch you ad"ired hi" !ut e&eryone has his li"its, and I+" afraid dear old Qohn really did try to go !eyond his' After he+d known Anna a !it, I think he )ust sto%%ed %ushing at God and then ste%%ed !ack a !it'/ /0o what, Mu";/ /?ell, I su%%ose you could say it ga&e God a chance to "o&e forward'/ /.hat+s a difficult one for "e'/

/May!e, !ut I ha&e a sort of feeling that that+s the way it was'/ /I wish I knew why he had changed so "uch, Mu"' I )ust wish I knew'/ /May!e you+ll ne&er know that'/ 0he s"iled at "e' /God "o&es in wondrous ways'/ I had to !e content with that' 17N