! !

! ! "#$%!&'()*!#$+,!#$--,.,*!$%!%#,!/0,,*'1!2)(3!*,3$%,! ! !

What could have happened at the super-exclusive, super-secret Freedom Club debate. Monday, at an undisclosed location with undisclosed but super-rich participants, at an unknown time, Mike McFadden finally attended his first GOP Senate debate. Because of this, we have no idea what McFadden, Ortman, and the other candidates grappled over, but a potential transcript of the event follows... Host: Congratulations on being super-secret and special enough to know when and where to show up for this U.S. Senate debate! We've got rich Mitt Romney-style politician Mike McFadden, corporate defender Julianne Ortman, State Sen. Jim Abeler and Chris Dahlberg here to answer some questions. Let's get started! Q: Isn't being rich awesome? McFadden: It's completely awesome, though I am assembling a team to assess just how fabulous it really is and keep all our special breaks in place. Does anyone have a cigar? Ortman: Freedom! Er, I mean. People should have the freedom to be rich and the richness to be free! That's why I valiantly defended corporate tax breaks at the legislature. Corporations and their CEOs should be free from taxes! Let the little people pay, I say. Dahlberg: Um, Chris Dahlberg came here to talk about something Chris Dahlberg likes to call "Front Porch Leadership." Do rich people actually use their front porches? Q: Apparently, there's something called 'public education,' where children whose parents can't afford thousands in tuition go to school. What is that, and would you do anything in Washington to make that better?

Ortman: Liberty! When I was in the legislature, I made sure that public schools knew who was boss by borrowing 700 million bucks from our kids without any plan to pay it back. What a great lesson in Wall Street financial services for our children. Am I right? Who's with me? Abeler: Hey! I'm here! Will someone call on me? McFadden: Though I claim to be an expert in education in the rare event that I leave the house to campaign, I think it's best if we put together a study group and see what this whole 'public school' thing is really about. Q: Some people say that America should expand background checks to prevent criminals from getting guns. What do you think about them? McFadden: I am so firmly against background checks that in July I said I supported them and now I say I am against them! It turns out that the position that nearly 90% of Americans agree with - common sense checks to prevent gun violence isn't so popular with extreme GOP primary voters. Sometimes you've gotta know when to fold 'em, fellas. But don't worry. You can totally trust me (wink and smile). Maybe I should form another committee on this. Ortman: Who cares if the majority of constituents support common sense measures to reduce gun violence? WWTCD, people? That's right, What Would Ted Cruz Do? Q: Republicans both in Minnesota and nationally are known for sticking to their extreme principles and giving no ground. If you were in the U.S. Senate, would you shut down government to make a political point? Ortman: As a State Senator, I bravely shut down state government in 2011 to protect tax breaks for big corporations, so...yeah! Abeler: Hey! Me too! I did that too! McFadden: Shutdown...shutdown...let's see. Probably. But I don't have a notecard on the shutdown, so I'll have to review the issue and come up with a detailed shutdown plan. But hey, I'm always one to join a club, and the Republican shutdown club sure was the coolest DC Republican club.

Q: Republicans in the U.S. Senate have twice blocked efforts to extend unemployment benefits to job-seekers who are out of work. Three cheers for that! Would you vote to extend these benefits? Ortman: Absolutely not. Let them eat freedom eagles! McFadden: Huh? Things happen in the Senate? They vote? Who knew! Q: What do you think about lifting the federal debt limit to make sure the U.S. doesn't default on its credit? Ortman: The freedom to default is a constitutional right that cannot be stripped from us. Liberty is ours! McFadden: Debt ceiling? Default? I think I have an...appointment? Choir practice? Pedicure? Um, anyway, I gotta go! !