6:31:18 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I just hate not being able to do anything about

it
(6:31:24 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: being utterly helpless
(6:31:42 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: especially after doing all the work to get the
benefits in the first place
(6:32:49 PM) Chris Antenucci: that's the true test of faith, if we could do more
stuff to help ourselves we'd need less faith. The more helpless you are, the m
ore faith is required, but also the more of an opportunity God has to show you w
hat He can do for you if you trust Him
(6:33:31 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: there is a difference between having faith and
being helpless
(6:33:48 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: you can have faith and still be doing things to
improve your life
(6:34:25 PM) Chris Antenucci: when you've done ur best, the only choice left to
make is whether or not you'll have faith that God will provide
(6:34:58 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I guess Im at the point where my faith is start
ing to fade
(6:35:51 PM) Chris Antenucci: happens to everyone, especially people like us who
are totally isolated, have no help, no emotional support, and no brainpower tha
t would enable us to inspire ourselves and reach deeper for faith if necessary
(6:36:45 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: when Im able to fight for my life I have faith,
but it is my personality that I lose faith when I can't actively do anything to
improve my life
(6:37:50 PM) Chris Antenucci: and that's when u need faith the most, so this may
be God's way of strengthing ur faith and trying to bring u closer to Him, cause
if you can't have faith in Him when u need it the most, when ur truly helpless,
then you've failed the test of faith
(6:38:00 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: Im just not the type of person who gives up on
things and never will be
(6:41:03 PM) Chris Antenucci: this may be God's way of saying it's time to stop
having a victim attitude and realizing that if you believe He has a plan for you
, now's ur chance to prove that belief. If you can't do it now, when will u do
it? Cause you'll probably never have another test as big as this one. I choose
to see all this as a learning experience. Nothing teaches us in life more than
experience and suffering, and that's the diff between wisdom and knowledge. Kn
owledge comes from learning info, wisdom comes from an accumulation of life expe
riences
(6:43:31 PM) Chris Antenucci: after all this suffering i now realize what i've l
ost in knowledge, and i've lost almost all my knowledge, i've gained in wisdom,
and that's much more important in terms of decision making, relationships, and o
ur journey through this life and to the next. because of this im gonna be way a
head of most people my age in terms of wisdom and maturity, even though it won't
be emotional maturity
(6:44:12 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: maybe I don't have as much faith as I thought,
or maybe losing faith occasionally for people like me is just as important as h
aving a steady faith
(6:45:50 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: maybe some people like me just dont have the em
otional stability to weather the most intense storms of life and have to learn t
heir lessons from the suffering and loss rather than from some deeper spiritual
truths
(6:48:06 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: the difference between us is the story of marth
a and mary in the new testament personified
(6:49:10 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I think God made humans so that some people wil
l be the worker bee types like me because of our mental instability and can't ha

ndle times when we are helpless and dont receive help from anyone including fami
ly members
(6:50:42 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: and He made some people who are listeners and t
hinkers like you who are more emotionally and mentally stable and who can learn
and grow from painful experiences like this where they are totally helpless
(6:51:06 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I am Martha and you are Mary in this analogy
(6:51:51 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: why God made us this way we will never know in
this life
(6:52:26 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: but the world needs both doers and thinkers
(6:52:45 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: if there was all one or the other, the world wo
uldnt survive long
(6:54:55 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: the thing I hate the most is to work so hard fo
r something and put your body through hell just to lose it all
(6:58:23 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I think you need a certain level of mental and
emotional stability to grow from painful experiences where you lose things or ev
erything
(6:59:57 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: it all goes back to the question of why does G
od allow some people to suffer more than others?
(7:00:05 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: and we just dont know

(7:00:49 PM) Chris Antenucci: and as the devotional book I read told me, it's no
t for us to try and figure out, but accept
(7:01:13 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: except when you are the person suffering more t
han others
(7:01:32 PM) Chris Antenucci: that's when ur supposed to accept it
(7:01:43 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: and dont the emotional stability needed to acce
pt anything hard or painful
(7:02:46 PM) Chris Antenucci: i don't think God is expecting anything out of us
right now, everything we learn from this, we'll learn in hindsight and we'll be
able to apply it in the future if God has a plan for us then, not now
(7:03:12 PM) Chris Antenucci: He doesn't expect things out of people who aren't
mentally capable of doing those things
(7:04:20 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: Im just never going to be the type of person wh
o just sits back and lets bad things happen to me or people I care about
(7:04:54 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: almost all of our family is like that
(7:05:31 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I wish I could be different but like I said bef
ore I need experiences to change my perspective about life
(7:06:46 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I dont have either the emotional stability or m
indset to just sit back and chill when my life is falling apart
(7:08:21 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: maybe if I was a lot more functional and capabl
e than this I would
(7:08:29 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: or if I was always sheltered like mom
(7:08:33 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: but I am neither
(7:09:03 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: which means unless I am fully healed I will alw
ays have to scrape and claw my way through challenges I face in life
(7:09:31 PM) Jonathan Antenucci:
countries
(7:09:48 PM) Jonathan Antenucci:
lessons from their suffering
(7:10:15 PM) Jonathan Antenucci:
e and to survive
(7:10:38 PM) Jonathan Antenucci:
use they wont survive that way
(7:11:49 PM) Jonathan Antenucci:
(7:12:05 PM) Jonathan Antenucci:
s much as I can

it is the same for a lot of people in 3rd world

most of them dont learn any profound spiritual
they just try to do the best with what they hav
but they cant afford to just accept things beca
I dont trust myself as a homeless man
so I would rather prevent that from happening a

(7:13:47 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: if I had the attitude of accepting things we wo

uldnt have got food stamps in the first place
(7:13:57 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: and would be a lot worse off than we are now
(7:16:27 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I've found that all problems and crises in life
can be understood best in the light of the serenity prayer
(7:16:49 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: there are times to accept things and times to f
ight things
(7:16:58 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: wisdom lies in knowing the difference
(7:17:08 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I'm afraid to say I dont know the difference
(7:18:19 PM) Chris Antenucci: that's part of having OCD we got from mom, not bei
ng able to be decisive, it's going back to not having that closed-boundary mind
(7:18:22 PM) Chris Antenucci: u can accept something and still do everything u c
an to survive. The acceptance is when u reach the point where there's nothing m
ore u can do, or what u can do isn't likely to change the outcome, and accepting
that u simply can't do everything, u need God's help
(7:19:29 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: right, but being anxious and frustrated with th
e struggle to survive is part of being human
(7:20:15 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: and a big part of it for me is still feeling co
mpletely inadequate as a human being
(7:21:33 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I feel like I just need a new set of experience
s and people in my life to see things differently
(7:21:40 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: which you have had a few times but I havent
(7:22:12 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: Im struggling to see things differently because
I have never seen things differently, literally
(7:23:19 PM) Chris Antenucci: u wont be able to see things differently on ur own
, u have to ask God for help, He knows ur limitations and knows u aren't able to
have the right perspective on ur own
(7:23:45 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I dont see how that can happen in a static envi
ronment
(7:23:59 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: with no input from other people
(7:24:47 PM) Chris Antenucci: u wont be able to imagine it, all u can do is ask
for it
(7:24:56 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: i have
(7:25:07 PM) Chris Antenucci: then all u can do now is wait
(7:25:32 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: I never was able to wait for things
(7:29:38 PM) Chris Antenucci: God might be trying to change that
(7:29:54 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: no one in our family has been able to
(7:30:00 PM) Jonathan Antenucci: except maybe you

weaker people like us who are also pretty stubborn unfortunately have to learn t
he hard way that we simply can't make it through life without God's help, but ev
en then we can't get God's help unless we learn to stop trying to control everyt
hing, let go, and trust that God will help us
we can't always be aware of what we're supposed to learn from a certain situatio
n or how exactly we're supposed to handle it. Sometimes u just have to go throu
gh it and deal with it the best u can, and if God has a plan for you, He'll show
u what u needed to learn from that situation later on in life, and maybe even g
ive u insight into why it was necessary.

The harder u try to do things to solve ur problems and be less helpless, the mor
e helpless you'll become and the more stressed you'll be. At some point u have
to reach a point where u realize you've done ur best and u have to let go and le
t God take over. So much suffering and anxiety is brought about by people tryin
g too hard to change their circumstances before the proper time, before they we
re meant to be changed, cause God was gonna do it Himself but in His time and in
His way, if only we let Him.