THE SITUATION Andy and Eve are both teachers in a public high school in Metro Manila.

Andy had been a loyal employee in the English Department for more than a decade while Eve had just spent her first few months working in the Social Studies Department. A serious conflict arose between them due to supposedly simple and shallow reasons. The twos clashing personalities led to an unexpectedly significant issue that had critical impacts on both their personal and professional lives. Two separate instances of misperceptions of nonverbal communication and a public confrontation took a toll on not only the two women but also their respective departments, friends and even families. The two parties have not had any direct interaction since the mediation of their department heads. Such conflict proved to be a sufficient reason for Andy and Eve to reject the idea of establishing a more professional and meaningful relationship with one another. ANDYS PERSPECTIVE Teaching has always been my passion. It is my idea of the greatest way to give back to my community. I have worked in the same school for nearly two decades as an English teacher. My years working for the same institution have given me loving, supportive and trustworthy friends who also serve as my second family. The school is one of the places where I feel accepted and respected the most. It is normal for the school to have new hires every now and then as response to its rapidly growing student population. Nothing brings me more joy than seeing familiar faces that were once in campus as students and now, as fellow teachers. It just feels great to be able to inspire and share the motivation and joy in repaying the school as an educator. In fact, it is not difficult for me to befriend new hires, particularly those who were also my former students. Indeed, I thought everyone was simply friendly and courteous until I knew Eve.
1

The First Instance The entire campus was in chaos once again. That meant only one thing: the shifting of the morning batch students with the afternoon batch. I walked along the corridor to get to my table and eat lunch as the familiar scene played in the background. There I was mindlessly strolling along the corridor when I saw one of my co-teachers approaching. I immediately smiled warmly at her as she eagerly smiled and greeted back. However, little did I know that Eve was walking a few paces behind her. I personally did not know her at the time but she was commonly described by other employees as snobbish. I honestly had nothing against her and so, I smiled at her as a sign of plain graciousness and with expectations that she would reciprocate the gesture. Unfortunately, Eve failed such expectations and to add insult to injury, even scowled and swayed her hair in the opposite direction. I was left astounded as she continued to walk away. It was the first time I ever experienced such extremely rude and insulting behavior, particularly for someone who has seniority over her. Her actions were seemingly intentional and directed at me. Others have told me similar stories about her but until that point, I had no idea. The Second Instance A couple of days have passed since the corridor incident. I have convinced myself to simply let it go. Eve must have been experiencing something horrible during that day. Besides, who am I to be an object of her rage and hatred? Nonetheless, my hopes eventually came crashing down once more. It was a Saturday review class for the National Achievement Test. I was tasked to count the number of students for each classroom for the lending of textbooks. All were going rather

well when I came upon Eves classroom. It was necessary to count the students in that particular class for I was its next teacher. I approached the room and politely told her my excuse. Despite my repetitive calling, she went on facilitating the class as if I was not there. Exhausted and humiliated at the same time, I decided to go to the back door to count the students from there. It did not take long before one student noticed and approached me. I then asked him how many were they in the room. After asking and double-checking the number of students, I immediately turned on my heel and walked away. I was in complete rage. Once was enough and acceptable but twice was entirely different. It would be perfectly fine if Eve would ignore me as if I do not exist, at least without anyone around to witness it. But to act the same way in front of my students was just offensive. I gave her a pass before, considering that she was going through a rough time. However, this time she already made a statement. It was all especially for me right from the beginning. She might have gotten away with that kind of attitude from others, but she had to learn her lesson. The Confrontation I became more determined to confront Eve after the second instance. As if the situation was not bad enough, one of my good friends began telling me about a spreading rumor that I was mean and oppressive. I have to admit that I have established quite a reputation of being overly outspoken and other people tend to interpret it as being arrogant or condescending. However, I can sincerely say that it was never in my best intentions to oppress anyone, particularly my colleagues. This school had been my second home. My mind and body remained in a state of shock even after my friend spoke. Moments later, shock turned to confusion, and confusion turned to pure anger. It was Eve. She was the one who started and spread the rumor. She had loathed me from the very start. I have been teaching in the same school for more than ten years and it
3

pained me to think that all that hard work of building a good reputation would simply go to waste. It was wrong for her to make me look like the bad guy when she was the one who started it all in the first place. She cannot get away with all the humiliation she made me take. It was my turn to let it know how it feels. It was time to end it all. It was dismissal time when I decided to look for her everywhere around the campus: the Social Studies department, first year classrooms, and any other place that she could be in. My heart felt like it was going to fall right out of my chest due to all the rage and disdain that it was containing. Finally, I found her nearby the main entrance getting ready to time out. My footsteps suddenly became unusually fast. My eyes and mind were locked on her. I did not even grant her the chance to open her mouth. My emotions flowed out of my mouth as I drained myself of the anger and despise for her. I made my voice louder and clearer to let everyone else hear me. At that moment, her eyes were undeniably consumed by fear. She was absolutely humiliated as I desired. Fueled by my sick satisfaction, I went on yelling at her without letting her weeping stop me in any way. In fact, it only catalyzed my anger as I thought that she was doing it on purpose to prove that I was truly oppressive. I yelled that she was apparently guilty as seen in her reaction and threatened to bring her to the Principals Office to let her tell the entire administration herself what she was spreading about me. It could have ended worse if not for the intervention of my friends. The Mediation Monday the following week, I just arrived at work when I unsurprisingly received a note from my department head to come to their office. I knew what it was going to be about. In spite of being assured of what and how the discussion is going to be like, I began to feel frightened and nervous for my job. What I did was admittedly conduct unbecoming of a professional. I entered the room minutes later and saw Eve sitting on one side of the center
4

table. She was looking at me but I tried my best to forbid my eyes to start going to her direction. It was important for me to sustain my dignified image. I was first to speak about what happened. All of them intently listened to my narrative, especially Eve. Her face looked completely different from her familiar one. She was apologetic and afraid. My voice eventually started to sound louder and higher, signifying the rebirth of my rage. With that, she began to sob once again. From that point on, everything seemed to be dj vu. It was the scene in the school entrance repeating itself. Our department heads decided to intervene at once in order to prevent the situation from worsening. Eve was also given the opportunity to speak her side of the story. She was crying the entire time, making her words incomprehensible and I more annoyed as ever. It all seemed just a game to her. She was immature and idiotic for thinking that portraying her pitiful on-stage persona in front of our department heads would actually persuade them to take her side. I was more than assured of my position in the school, compared to hers, at least. Besides, everyone knows who she truly is anyway. No one is foolish enough to believe her. I was always in the right and never did anything wrong. It was her mistake for provoking me to do what I had to do. By the end of her little act, she uttered an apology. Nevertheless, I did not accept or acknowledge it. All I wanted at the time was for her to cease sobbing. She might be skilled and sly enough to have our department heads extend sympathy to her but she can never have mine. The discussion ended with the two of us being forced to shake hands in order to please our department heads. The Present and the Future The discussion in the Department Heads Office did not end our conflict. The greatest thing that it probably resulted in was turning the heated battle into a cold war. We never really

understood or even attempted to one anothers perspective. It only served as a form of appeasement for everyone else. The mediation was the final time Eve and I ever had direct communication with one another. Perhaps, there would be a slight chance of us establishing a better relationship if a person who we both thoroughly trust and respect would serve as a bridge. However, for now my only mechanism to continue my job as a teacher in the school is turning her invisible. We pass one another in different areas around the campus but both refuse to recognize the others presence. I go on with my life as she goes with hers. It is not necessary for us to like each other as long as we keep professional at all times. EVES PERSPECTIVE I have been newly-hired by my high school alma mater to teach Social Studies. It was both exciting and frightening to work in a place that I have known for almost my entire life. The school has a very huge population of students and teachers. Hence, it proved challenging to know and please everyone around. It would not take very long for me to realize the truth behind such statement. I barely knew Andy before what happened, though a common friend had told me things about her. She was one of the veterans in the school, working for more than a decade. She had proven herself as outspoken and extremely hostile when angered. It was also not difficult to see that she had secured herself with quite an influence to gain extensive connections in the school. Simply put, she knew the school and everyone in it like the back of her hand. The First Instance It was my first year of teaching. Though several months have passed since my first day, my heart and mind remained filled with a mixture of enthusiasm and anxiety. I decided to project

an image of myself as someone who is highly respectable and professional for students to not have any ideas of disrespecting or disobeying me. I know the feeling very well. I was also a student of the same school. Not every child in here is educated well in good manners and appropriate behavior towards others, particularly adults. It was just another day. I was walking along the corridor as students began to leave the classrooms to go home. The surroundings were full of noise as children talked and bid farewells to one another. However, my mind was in a completely different place. I was probably thinking of some other matters. I do not normally talk to people in similar settings, even to my colleagues. It is not my habit to openly greet or smile at people without them initiating the gestures. I was new to the school and felt that it was not my place to impose myself on them. It was important for me to let things go their own way. I wanted my students and co-teachers to do whatever is in their will: like me or dislike me without my intervention. Furthermore, it is not my greatest concern to please everyone. It never was and it never will be. All I want is to do what I have to do; to be myself and have people value me for it. My hard recalling of what happened proved to be in vain. It was probably due to the fact that it happened quite a long time ago. The only thing that came back was me walking alone along the corridor, thinking about home and possibly other important things. I do not remember ignoring or even seeing anyone smiling at me. I am completely aware of peoples perception of me as a snob, but I can truthfully say that I do not do it deliberately. I am only certain with one thing: I know nothing of what she accused me with. The Second Instance It was a Saturday review for the National Achievement Test of the second year students. I served as a substitute for one class as assigned by my department head. At first, everything seemed normal. I did what I was supposed to do: facilitate the review and observe the students.
7

A few moments later, I noticed a number of my students at the back looking somewhere outside the room. Waves of murmur soon swallowed the silence throughout the class. Curious, I began looking at the same direction. I saw one of my students speaking to Andy, whom I did not know personally by then. The conversation between the two was calm and nothing out of the ordinary. Andy did not look angry or insulted at all. In fact, she even approached me once I started to notice her. She respectfully excused herself and stated the purpose of her coming to my room. Naturally, I gave her permission to accomplish her task. By the time that everything was said and done, I continued facilitating the review thinking that I did nothing wrong. The Confrontation Another day in the office had just been wrapped up. Exhausted and looking forward to rest at home, I eagerly went down to the school entrance to time out. One of my colleagues approached me and warned that Andy was looking for me around campus. She was said to be fuming with anger towards me. I was in a state of utter shock and perplexity when moments later, I saw her approaching. Everything seemed to change in a flash. Andys face was in a deep red as she ceaselessly threw accusations at me. She claimed that I intentionally disrespected her and other teachers as well, and complained of rumors which I allegedly started about her being oppressive. I was not thinking at all; I could not. My mind was reeling as I tried to comprehend how such could happen to me. The entire world was reduced to her furious face as she kept on yelling. I looked around and everyone was beginning to look at us. Andy was deliberately making a scene; pulling everybodys attention towards our direction. What hurt the most was her telling me that I was new yet had the audacity to be arrogant and snobbish to others, particularly to older teachers like her. Tears have started to well up in
8

my eyes. There was no going back. Everything was said and done. Everyone was already glued to the scene. I wanted to defend myself but decided not to because of the other teachers advice to stay calm and let it pass. My mouth eventually dried as I began to sob. However, it did not stop Andys outburst. It was only when she threatened to drag me to the Principals Office to report the situation that one of her friends decided to step into the scene. She then stopped and walked away, still in rage. The Mediation Despite the fact that my mind was still in a daze, I decided to raise the issue with our department head. I requested for a confidential discussion with Andy to get to the heart of the matter. The weekend had no effect at all. I have not slept due to excessive thinking about what just happened. My family had found out only from our neighbor who is also my colleague. I did not have the heart to tell them what happened. It is not my desire to have them worry, especially my mother. I am already an adult and my problems must be confined to my concern. Fortunately, my request was granted. It was a Monday morning when our department heads called us to their office. My heart was beating in an unnaturally fast pace. The wait was brief as Andy arrived minutes later. The discussion started as soon as everyone had settled down. Our department heads inquired on what truly happened. Andy began to talk about both instances and opened up the issue regarding rumors that I was said to have started and spread. The rest of us listened as she spoke of the pain she was feeling about her reputation being ruined. I started to sob once again which seemed to have made the situation worse. She gradually became angrier as she approached the end of her story. Afterwards, it was my turn to speak and narrate mine. Our department heads eventually deemed our case as something based on an extremely shallow misunderstanding. They reminded us to uphold professionalism at all times,
9

particularly in front of students. We were also told to apologize to one another. However, such effort proved to be in vain. Both of us did not acknowledge that we have any fault in the conflict. We stood firm on our respective grounds. When it became apparent that nothing can ever make us apologize, the department heads decided to end the discussion with a mere shaking of hands. The Present and the Future A considerable period of time had passed since the situation. Andy and I have definitely moved on from what happened. We did not have any direct interaction since the mediation with the department heads. Perhaps, we just cannot find valid reasons to establish a better relationship as colleagues. I still see her around at work but cannot force myself to have the will to talk to or notice her. To me, she does not exist. Seeing her only brings back memories of my immaturity and shallowness. I simply cannot afford any more aggravation. Indeed, it is best this way: both of us neglecting each others existence. THEORY APPLICATION The interpersonal conflict between Andy and Eve was evidently a product of the intricate interplay of nonverbal communication misperceptions and clashes between equally dominating individualities. The two women exhibit very strong personalities and such only intensified the conflict. Neither of them admitted fault in any way until the end. One insisted on being just provoked while the other maintained her ground as a victim of misjudgment. Three interpersonal communication theories can be used to dissect Andy and Eves conflict. These are Bergers Uncertainty Reduction Theory, Burgoons Expectancy Violations Theory and Altman and Taylors Social Penetration Theory.
10

Uncertainty Reduction Theory Charles Bergers Uncertainty Reduction Theory states that human beings are motivated to seek information about others. Upon meeting another individual, we naturally feel uncertainties towards such individual, which could be behavioral or cognitive in nature. To reduce these uncertainties, we utilize particular strategies like directly observing and asking around about the person (passive strategy), requesting another party to set up an environment necessary to obtain more information about the person (active strategy) and most commonly, talking directly to the person (interactive strategy). Andy and Eves uncertainties about one another were not exactly reduced in a positive way. Both parties never had the intention to seek information about the other. All information which they held prior to the conflict was derived from other peoples accounts. In fact, Andy was the only one who truly did uncertainty reduction in the case. She experienced uncertainty towards Eve during the first time she personally saw her along the corridor. This uncertainty was then heightened through seeing Eves nonverbal communication (behavioral uncertainty). In spite of this, she decided to continue with her show of friendly gesture to perhaps be able to alleviate some of these uncertainties. She thought that Eve was just experiencing something unpleasant at that moment or first impressions more often than not are inaccurate. When her negative impression had been confirmed twice, she became less motivated to seek information about Eve. She began to dwell on other peoples stories to affirm her judgment of her colleague. However, we see in the end that Andy remained as the one who exhibits informationseeking behavior and tendencies of uncertainty reduction. She stated that there is still a slight chance of her consenting to an establishment of a better relationship with Eve given that someone else would be willing enough to serve as their bridge. This statement implies the strong potential of Andy utilizing the active strategy of uncertainty reduction. Such case proves

11

that uncertainty reduction could sometimes be one-sided, and immediately cease when the worst that is anticipated with this uncertainty is eventually confirmed. Expectancy Violations Theory The two instances highlight important factors which give rise to expectancy as stated in Judee Burgoons Expectancy Violations Theory. These include contextual factors as determined by cultural norms, and relational factors such as similarity and familiarity. In both instances, Andy expected Eve to acknowledge and reciprocate her gestures simply because it is what society demands her to. Furthermore, another day in the office for Andy would include interacting whether verbally or nonverbally with all of her colleagues. It is one of the most effective ways to teach students proper behavior towards others and has been deeply embedded in their organizational culture. This expectation is prescriptive which means that one expects another to act in a certain way because it is what should happen in the given situation (Guerrero & Floyd, 2006). Simply put, Andy expected Eve to return her friendly gestures because it is what both their national and organizational cultures prescribe her to. As a fellow teacher, Andy somehow found a common ground with Eve though she did not have any personal knowledge or relationship with the latter. Despite her lack of familiarity with Eve, she expected her to be familiar with the norm inside the organization and respect it because it is a way to uphold group solidarity for her and their fellow teachers. Nonetheless, Eve did not do so and such behavior reflected her disrespect of such value. Eves negative violations of Andys expectations led the latter to be aroused in assessing what these violations meant (Guerrero & Floyd, 2006). She thought of the extent of impact of such violations to her and what should be the appropriate response to it. At first, she wondered if Eve held a grudge on her. She then evaluated her personally, considering factors such as stories told by other people, her age and being new in the organization. With all these
12

weighed and calculated, Andy ultimately decided that the violation was extremely negative, and the proper response is to publicly confront her in order to teach her a lesson. Social Penetration Theory Altman and Taylors Social Penetration Theory emphasizes the concept of reciprocity that is clearly manifested in Andy and Eves situation. Reciprocity, which is also present in Burgoons Expectancy Violations Theory pertains to the moral obligation to return good in proportion to the good we receive, and to make reparation for the harm we have done (Becker, 1986). It is considered as one of the fundamental human virtues and also serves as the key to relational development. Self-disclosure occurs more smoothly when both participants in the communicative process return information of equal degree of intimacy with what the other provides. The absence of sufficient self-disclosure would naturally lead to the stagnation or termination of the relationship, regardless of which stage in relational development it is currently in. In this case, the participants have not even reached the orientation or impersonal stage. They have not had any direct interaction to provide an opportunity for self-disclosure at all before the first instance. What they knew about each other were all from mere rumors and stories from other people which later came into play in worsening their respective reputations to one another. The initially perceived as trivial misinterpretations and non-reciprocation of nonverbal communication paved the way for a serious conflict between the two. CONFLICT RESOLUTION KEY STRATEGIES Resolving interpersonal conflicts often involve the participants evaluations of the possible positive outcomes should the process be successful (Deutsch, Coleman, & Marcus, 2006). Those who are involved would normally predict and assess if such positive outcomes are worth the efforts necessary in the resolution process. These outcomes can be as material as
13

money or food, but also include immaterial gains like establishing more meaningful relationships with others. Andy and Eve have already reckoned the possible outcomes as highly indispensable. However, they should realize and learn that the preservation of a healthy and productive relationship with one another is worth more than the compromise. Third-party mediation should come either from those who have legal authority to intervene or those who have reliable relations with both subjects (Deutsch et al., 2006). The department heads effort to resolve the conflict only proved to be insufficient. This could be due to several reasons such as the manner by which the discussion was handled, time when the mediation was called or simply the insincerity of everyone in having concern to actually arrive at a resolution. Andy had mentioned that the mediation did not help in anything except for turning their conflict into a cold war. She and Eve only acted as if ending the conflict in order to please their department heads and nothing more. Despite being able to listen to one anothers perspective, their perceptions of each other did not change at all. They already possess their respective predetermined judgments of each other, and the mediation failed in altering such. Nonetheless, efforts in resolving the conflict should have not ceased from that point. The first and best way to resolve Andy and Eves conflict is through the use of the interactive strategy in reducing uncertainty. This strategy suggests that one or both parties initiate and engage in face-to-face interaction with one another, preferably without another persons intervention to avoid biases coming outside of those who are involved. Through such, the two women could know each other more accurately rather than merely observing each others nonverbal communication and asking information about the other from other people. One cannot be certain if their judgments resulting from such interaction would be better, but these would surely prove to be more precise.

14

Lastly, other authorities in the organization or even their co-teachers must still initiate to totally end the conflict. It is necessary for them to remind both Andy and Eve to practice professionalism at all times and build a personal relationship that is grounded on mutual trust and respect for them to be able to do it. In addition, they must present the improvement of the entire organization as an outcome that is highly positive and indispensable to persuade Andy and Eve to finally resolve the conflict. The two women must have the will to surrender some of their individual pride to achieve a better relationship for them and the organizations superordinate goals as well. GUIDE QUESTIONS 1) As shown in the case, actions do not always speak louder than words. One must be able to find the balance in utilizing both in building and maintaining interpersonal relationships. What are some of the most feasible ways by which you can do such? 2) Disparate and clashing personalities are one of the most common causes of interpersonal conflicts, particularly in the workplace. How can these factors be settled in order to avoid the occurrence of such conflicts? 3) Sobbing was shown in the case as a misinterpreted nonverbal signal. To one, it served as a defense mechanism to a particularly distressing situation while to another, a sign of guilt. Which interpretation do you think is more credible? Why? 4) Rumors and first impressions, inaccurate they may be inevitably affect our perception of another individual. How can you somehow minimize the effects of such in knowing and developing relationships with others? 5) Different genders are said to possess distinct and varying communication styles. Do you think that such would have happened if those involved are of a different gender? If so, how? If not, why? 6) Can personal issues be truly separated from professional life? Why or why not?
15