Tapping into Love

Tapping into Love

From Pushover-to-Goddess in 12 Simple Principles

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Laurel Lee, MC

www.tappingintolove.net

A goddess is an ordinary woman who has stepped out of the shadows of self-doubt and into the light of love. ~Laurel Lee
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Copyright Laurel Lee: March 13, 2013 All rights reserved ISBN-13: 978-1467956161 ISBN-10: 1467956163 Cover photo courtesy of Virginia Carden www.cardensweddingphotography.com

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Disclaimer This book is for educational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute or replacement for mental health counseling, nor is it intended to offer any mental health diagnosis or relationship advice, either explicitly or implicitly. The author is not a psychologist, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, neuroscientist, lawyer, medical doctor, or other medical, legal, or mental health practitioner. The information presented in this book is her expressed opinion only and is not intended, nor should it be construed to be professional psychological, medical, or legal advice. If you need help in those areas, consult area-specific licensed professionals. Individual interpretation of the material can vary greatly; the author is not responsible for how you interpret this information. Further, the author assumes no liability for any action (or inaction) that you take in response to reading this book. The information in this book can challenge your current beliefs about relationships, love, sex, and romance, which can potentially cause emotional discomfort. The reader assumes full responsibility for interpretation and action taken in response to the information in this book; indeed the whole premise of this book is that you are in charge of your life, and your life is what you intentionally create it to be. If you need any type of counseling (relationship, individual, or familial) seek out services from an agency in your area. The suggestions for anxiety reduction, energy work, and spiritual healing referenced in this book are experimental in nature and do not replace standard medical care or mental health care.
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Tapping into Love

Tapping into Love

From Pushover-to-Goddess in 12 Simple Principles Laurel Lee, MC
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Introduction

A goddess is an ordinary woman who has stepped out of the shadows of self-doubt and into the light of love.

Principle One
A goddess doesnt try to be perfect. Ever. For anyone.

Principle Two
A goddess (quietly) owns her personal power.

Principle Three
A goddess sets healthy relationship boundaries.

Principle Four
A goddess pursues her own goals and life interests.

Principle Five
A goddess walks away from misfit men.

Principle Six
A goddess is easygoing, pleasant and relaxed

Principle Seven
A goddess is forgiving... not enabling.

Principle Eight
A goddess demonstrates mastery over her emotions.

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Principle Nine
A goddess makes rational relationship decisions.

Principle Ten
A goddess lives the authentic (real) version of herself.

Principle Eleven
A goddess doesnt compare herself to others to determine her self-worth.

Principle Twelve
A goddess extends genuine love... ...not expectations disguised as love.

Centered Vulnerability
Visual Guided Imagery Script

The Angels Gather

A Tribute to You

The Law of Love

A spiritual call to action

The Pushover-to-Goddess Principles List Love Note Collection Love Language List Also by Laurel Lee About Laurel Lee

Tapping into Love

Introduction
A goddess is an ordinary woman who has stepped out of the shadows of self-doubt and into the light of love.

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This book has the potential to profoundly improve your romantic life. In an ideal world, this book would not be needed. In an ideal world, all men would naturally behave themselves. They would respectfully and attentively show up in romantic relationships and dedicate their lives to the women who love them. (Awwww...) Men would consistently show women how much they are cherished and adored, and shoe shopping and scrapbooking would become preferred weekend bonding activities. Instead of blaming women for talking too much, men everywhere would show consistent gratitude for the insight, and emotional depth that women provide on a consistent basis. Flower shops would have a terrible time keeping up with the constant demand for longstemmed roses and sentimental baubles that men would be buying for their true-love darlings... just because... If only we lived in an ideal world. In the real world, men and women notoriously clash on just about every level. Over the centuries, mountains of literature have been written depicting the typical mans trouble in understanding females. (Read more about this phenomenon at www.ohforheavenssakeitsnotthatdifficult.com). Society, as a whole, has accepted the skewed notion that women are

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confusing, moody, and dont know what they want. While this is decidedly true for a select percentage of females, most women are good-hearted, fun-loving, levelheaded people who just get wound up when men start playing mind games. What is so difficult to understand? Of course, nowadays, we women can make our own money, buy our own homes, and create comfortable lives all by ourselvesthank you very much. The dilemma, however, is that we still want romance. Alas, the forces of nature continually draw the two genders together... and there isnt much we can do about that. Whether we like it or not, (most) women will always desire men. (Most) men will always desire women. Sexual orientation notwithstanding, every human intrinsically wants intimacy and romanceand that is pretty damn impossible to create all by ourselves. Truthfully, ladies, we probably cant sit around and wait for men to undergo any type of global or spiritual awakening on our behalf. Many men (though in fairness, not all of them) have a diehard allegiance to their mind games. When it comes to romance, the majority of men have no motivation (or desire) to stop behaving in ways that keep women confused, hopping, and jumping through all kinds of hoops to please them. Why do men behave in such unproductive and infuriating ways? Who the hell knows. Even they arent sure. However, if we were to look at the biology of a man and what makes him romantically tick we would find that, at the very core of his nature are the insatiable needs to triumph over opposition and conquer problems. Most women are far too placid and predictable to create such delicious excitement.

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So... how does a man create opposition to triumph and problems to conquer? Why... mess with a womans mind, of course! If the average man were to answer this question truthfully, he would tell you something like this: To create opposition and problems, just start messing with a womans mind... and see how far you can get. See what hoops you can get her to jump through on your behalf. See how long it takes for her to spontaneously combusts into a big ol ball of emofury. Then blame the whole thing on her and tell her shes too moody for you. Play dumb. Tell her you dont like to argue and get her to take the blame for everything. Then sit back, smoke a stogie, and tell yourself you are a real man. Then wait for her phone call... telling you she cant live without you. Repeat. Seriously, girls... tell me Im not right?! But (shh...) what if we could give men what they biologically crave: problems to solve and opposition to conquer in subtle ways that allow us to remain sweet, feminine, and loving? In ways that keep us one-step ahead of the predictable mind-fodder that men are so used to dishing? In ways that deliver highly favorable romantic results... instead of manipulation and feigned ignorance from him? In ways that make us exponentially more attractive, sensual, and alluring to the very men we love? Well, my dear, behold the wisdom of Tapping into Love. Enjoy.

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Principle One
A goddess doesnt try to be perfect. Ever. For anyone.

________________________________________________ Ah! The enchanting world of romance! Where wonders of the heart seed, bud, and spontaneously burst into twilights of bliss... a world where the universe opens behind the tempest of his eyes... and the sweetest lullaby is heard in his heartbeat. It is a world both luxurious and essential, where pious rules are swept aside as paradise indulges the senses and soul. Indeed, true love is what we all seek in this lifetime. True love has been written about for centuriesand we know for certain that it exists. We have been teased with tastes of its sweetness, lavished with ripples of its pleasures, seduced by its promises of its delight, and devastated by woes of its demise. We have traveled many promising paths (and not-so-promising paths) for the mere chance at one magical encounter. We have brazenly endured the horrors of betrayal, rejection, and unrequited love... yet somehow have always found the ability to pick ourselves up by the garter belt to rejoin the game. For many women, love is as elusive as the wild birds that eat from their prized berry patch. Society as a whole promotes romance as wondrous and attainable. The silver screen, television, and radio are all drenched with love stories and magical, happy endings. Why? Because love sells. It is what everyone wants... and we intuitively know that it is for usto have and to hold, until death do us part. (Them are fightin words!) And advertisements? Well, we wont even go there.

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Suffice it to say that never has a perfume seduced a man down the aisle. Romance should not be underestimated as a key ingredient to a fulfilling life. Women of all economic levels, ethnic backgrounds, and religious beliefs have taken great risks in their respective quests for it. A woman will pursue men nowadays, and may even follow him across the country... even overseas! All in the name of love. In spite of the modern womans ability to take such risks, she is often frustrated when love leaves her empty-hearted. With divorce rates skyrocketing and many women making their way solo in this sea of beautiful men on the planet, we need to stop and wonder... are we seriously just missing something? Why can some women attract amazing, passionate romance on a consistent basis, while other women cant seem to get past the first date? Some cant even land a first date? Why is it that some women consistently fail at maintaining fulfilling relationships? How is it that an iron-clad soul mate connection can suddenly crumble with the bat of an eyelash? Is there really a rhyme or reason to these seemingly random successes and failures? Of love and loneliness? Of sex and abstinence? Or is it simply just a roll of the metaphysical dice? That would be wonderful... wouldnt it? We could then just wait for our twist of fate, our jackpot of love, for our lightning strike of random chance to sweep us off our perfectly pedicured feet and into the bedroom of burgeoning bliss. Unfortunately (and fortunately), love is not random. Love is not up to chance. Love is a very real energy that constantly surrounds you and perpetually works to manifest into your life. That is its sole and soul function. Love never leaves you... though we can cut ourselves off from its flow. Yet love, being

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the ever-perfect expression of the Divine, will patiently waits for you to figure it out and provide the proper channel for it to pour into your life... and offer the right environment for it to flourish. This means that once your behaviors, subconscious beliefs, energy, and intentions are all aligned with love (not the desperate longing for love, but with the true energetic vibration of lovethere is a vast difference), it will manifest itself into your physical reality. It simply cant help it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Love Note 1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love will patiently wait for you to provide the proper channels for it to pour into your life... and offer the right environment for it to flourish. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love eludes even the most beautiful, accomplished, and savvy of women. As a whole, women have spent billions of dollars on plastic surgery to correct perceived physical flaws... which they view as barriers to finding love. Ironically, sometimes the very pretense of seeking plastic surgery creates the emotional energy that repels love. I am not good enough as I am! is a deep belief that shows up in identification of body flaws. To men, this emotional energy (even if she never tells him about her selfdoubts and pricey beauty secrets) is like the mosquito spray Off! to those pesky insects. Oy! This is not to say that all women who go under the aesthetic knife are misguided. However, there is a big difference between I hate myself, I need to fix this part of me so I can be loveable! and I love who I am so I am going to honor myself by improving this aspect of my body. In the former, plastic surgery does not work to improve a womans self-image. Post surgery finds her hating herself just as much, still scouring her body for identifiable defects... and still longing in his direction

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wondering how to make him love her. She is still spraying out Off! vibes even if her bra has been increased three cup sizes. Love pain is sometimes the undercurrent motivator for not only plastic surgery, but quests for nicer wardrobes, new hairstyles, better makeup, new shoes, better cars, beautiful houses tangible objects that hold temporary distraction as she avoids (or is largely unaware of) the aching chasm in her soul. While earthly possessions can add sweetness to any life, they should not (or rather... cannot) replace the substance of self-confidence and self-love. These aspects must be in place before true love can seed and bud, and unfold into twilights of burgeoning bliss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Love Note 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ While earthly possessions can add sweetness to any life, they should not (or rather... cannot) replace selfconfidence and self-love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets talk for a moment about generational wisdom. This term is almost an oxymoron in the world of dating, as there are virtually no prior traditions to assist a young girl in piloting the modern world of romance. Gone are the days of Victorian Dogma that kept men faithful and abiding to their women. Victorian Dogma purports that one man and one woman will love each other forever and neither will ever have an inkling of an attraction toward another human being for the rest of their chipper lives. (Right...) Oh- and all of that naughty flirting, kissing, and... *gasp!* bedroom activity? Well, my dear... just remember that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. (...and that concludes our sex talk. Any questions?) Alas, we are still living in this aftermath of our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers ideas of proper male seduction and retention. (Oops! Did I just type that out-loud?!)

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My own mother is an exceptionally gifted cook and baker, and I spent countless hours of my childhood by her side in the kitchen, eagerly learning all of the scrumptious baking tips and secret tricks that had been carefully passed down through our familial generations. It was during those times that Mom and I often had our mother-daughter talks: talks about life, love, and, as Mom explained, the pursuit of every young girls ultimate goal: a happy marriage. I questioned not. Though her intentions were as golden as the tops of our delectable cloverleaf rolls, Moms understanding of romancing the man was hugely influenced by the societal thinking of her youth. Besides assuring me that my future husband will be grateful for the constant supply of delicious, wonderfully textured bread that I, his demure wife, would lovingly provide, Mom graciously helped me hone my dough kneading skills just like her mother had done with her. Like her mother, Mom passed down this sage wisdom to me: Laurel, kneading bread dough properly will help you develop a beautiful bustline, which is important in catching a young mans attention. Mind you, this is the same mother who insisted that, in order to keep my muffins moist and tender, I should give the batter a good hand job instead of using the electric mixer. At any rate, I took Moms knead or bust advice to heart. And I cant be blamed for not giving it a fair shot. I learned to knead a mean pile of dough. Furiously. Alas, not one boy asked me to the seventh grade back-to-school dance. (What the... MOM?!) As Magoo-and-clueless as Mom was about the hard-knocks of seventh-grade romance, she definitely did a lot of things right. In spite of being raised in an era that held so many other women captive and submissive to men, my maternal lineage has

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Ohh... so THATs the way to a mans heart! Quick question: should I wear the bonnet to bed? Or no? Too much?
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The cover of The Settlement Cook Book, one of the most successful cookbooks of all time, depicts the disempowering generational wisdom that still influences modern society.

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been blessed with a different understanding: women are to be respected, cherished, and adored. Period. To be completely transparent, Im not really sure how the women are respected, cherished, and adored notion found its way into our bloodlines. In any case, Mom was somehow able to flawlessly blend the qualities of strength and femininitynever seeing any contradiction between the two. She impressed upon my sisters and me that respect must be evident in our romantic relationships, Or its not love! she would tell us... her German jaw ever so slightly clenching, her hand finding its way to her hipand thats when we knew: Mom meant business! (For the record, dont EVER question a German woman with a hand on her hip...) When I was a young girl, I remember a popular television commercial that portrayed a husband insulting and sneering at his wife for having red, itchy hands. I remember Mom gently telling me, Laurel, that man in that commercial is a rat. What a loving husband would say is, Come on, Honey. Lets go to the store and get you something to take care of that problem. She followed this comment with, A man must treat you with respect at all times, or its not love. Got it, Mom. I promise. Now, will you please drive me to Jessicas? Shes waiting for me to go roller-skating! What I didnt realize at the time was how priceless (and rare) Moms advice truly was. I observed, from about the 7th grade actually, other girls struggles with boys: boys insulting, mistreating, and even intimidating them. It would really upset me and I would think, Why do they put up with that? Dont they know? Thats not love! What I finally came to realize is that they really didnt know. That demeaning behavior had been normalized in society and media... and no one ever told these

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young women (or men) that they could do it differently. Like many of you, my dear readers, they simply didnt know. So... now that you knowyou, too, can do it differently. I invite you to take Moms wisdom into your own heart. In fact, if you were to sit down with her today over tea and ask for her advice on how to handle your disrespectful or abusive boyfriend, fianc, or husband, she would absolutely tell you, My dear, you deserve to be loved and cherished. You dont need to stay with a man like that. He must treat you with respect at all times, or its not love! I want to take this advice a step further: you must start treating yourself with the same respect you want from others. When you respect yourself, others, including your romantic partners, respect you too. When you love yourself, others love you too. A womans love-vibea phrase I use to denote the subconscious signals she emits to the worldis her collective energies, emotions, attitudes, beliefs, and experiences. A womans lovevibe emits out to this sea of beautiful men who receive it on an unconscious level; they respond to it with either interest or disdain. There isnt much in between. He is either attracted to her or he is not. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-bang, ba-da-boom. We have heard endless chatter these days about the Law of Attraction: What you think about you bring about. I agree. While this principle certainly applies to the world of romance, there is a big piece to this puzzle that is often overlooked: the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind can be thought of as a humongous storage unit of all of your experiences. It holds your memories, thoughts, beliefs, and all influences that have shaped your understanding of life. While positive affirmations can give us a foothold and direction away from self-sabotaging behaviors and negative self-talk, they

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are not the be-all-end-all practice for effecting permanent, positive life-change. This is because, psychologically speaking, the subconscious mind is the engine behind the conscious mind. Therefore, if you subconsciously believe, I am ugly and fat, this belief is projected onto your way of seeing yourself in the world. Positive affirmations are usually only helpful when they are used with techniques that help to assimilate them into your subconscious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Positive affirmations can give us a foothold and direction away from self-sabotaging behaviors and negative self-talk, but they are not the be-all-end-all practice for effecting permanent, positive life change. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman carries her disenchantments from childhood and previous romantic heartbreaks into her present day life. She will naturally superimpose her experiences onto her here-and-now relationships, which can obviously have a tremendous impact on her relationship health later in life. Emotional Memory is the reason why two different people can look at the exact same event and interpret it in completely different ways. This phenomenon causes miscommunication between romantic partners, to say the least. The subconscious mind (and the negative expectations that often comprise it) does not budge in the face of positive thinking. This is important to understand because subconscious expectations largely dictate your success or failure in romance. Therefore, it is important to pair positive thinking with techniques that can counteract (or, ideallyclear out) your negative subconscious beliefs. This is also why it is so essential to assimilate positive thinking statements into our subconscious

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mind; we do this by integrating them through very simple but important brain integration techniques. These are discussed in more detail at the end of this chapter. This is where so many therapists fail to effect healthy, permanent change in their clients... especially when it comes to romantic relationships. One of the best analogies I have ever heard for using positive thinking over a burbling subconscious mind is the whipped cream over mud syndrome. In this metaphor, positive thinking (whipped cream) is squirted all over a plate full of mudthe mud, of course, representing the sadness, pain, fear, and loneliness that stem from past emotional wounds. If you put whipped cream on mud... what have you got? Mud. We pretend that the mud is chocolate ice cream. But even if you decorate that whipped cream with sprinkles and a cherry, you still have nothing that is remotely edible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Subconscious expectations largely dictate success or failure in romance. Therefore, it is important to pair positive thinking with techniques that identify and address our dysfunctional subconscious beliefs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love pain is largely subconscious. A womans fears, heartaches, and negative self-perceptions reside and hide in her bodys neuro-programming. They stubbornly nest... and wait... for the perfect opportunity to hunt its preya budding love relationshipand kill any opportunity for love within it. She will swear that she wants love... but she will emotionally shut down and subconsciously push it away when it comes along. She will swear that she wants passion... but she greets lovers with a cold heart and chatty logic. She will swear she wants romance... but will lash out at her boyfriend, and then

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cry herself to sleep over the fact that he has done... whatever. In fact, because of her subconscious expectations, she will be hugely ineffective at attracting and keeping a romantic partner. Her deeper fear is that engaging her heart again would leave her vulnerable to rejection. Having a happy relationship is directly counter to her latent-but-potent Im just not good enough that is at the core of these self-sabotaging behaviors. Alas, a woman may be unable to get out of her own way to Subconscious allow love to unfold in her life. influences must be She will see rejection from him addressed to effect permanent change. where there really is none. She will have an unreasonable reaction to him canceling a date with her, and her hyperemotional outburst will likely drive him away. She will become jealous when another beautiful woman walks into the room. She will see insolence or disrespect in his actions when this was not his intention at all. She will become clingy or controlling out of fear that he will go away which, not surprisingly, drives him away. In fact, it is impossible for her to attract and keep a healthy romantic relationship while her subconscious mind consistently fears and fights it. Suffice it to say, when it comes to romance, there is more to the Law of Attraction (LOA) principle than meets our bedroom eyes. Subconscious influences must be addressed before LOA can really work. Thus, for the woman who has been devastated in romance, talk therapy is quite possibly the ultimate whipped cream over a mud fix. A therapist shouldnt be surprised when her cured client ends up back in her office six months down the roadwith the same romantic woes that brought her to therapy in the first place.

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Women who have been emotionally devastated by rejection, breakups, divorce, and infidelity from trusted partners will struggle to attract and keep romance, no matter how hard they try. The good news is that, once these underlying influences are identified, addressed, and corrected, her love life can notably improve. A woman who loves herself radiates love, appreciation, and acceptance to others. She doesnt energetically resonate with disrespect, and therefore doesnt attract it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 5 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman who loves herself radiates love, appreciation, and acceptance to others. She doesnt energetically resonate with disrespect, and therefore doesnt attract it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mind you, it makes very little difference what she looks like, how much she weighs or what clothes she wears. She will attract whomever she wants, whenever she wants, and for however long she wants. She will decide when it is time to move on from him or whether or not she will keep him around. This leaves the rest of us scratching our heads and wondering just what in the world is wrong with us? We eventually conclude that we are inherently flawed, cursed for loneliness, or simply unlucky in love and must somehow endure this burden of singlehood just because. Nothing could be further from the truth. You were born to experience divine love. So were the men you adore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 6 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You were born to experience divine love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emotional memory (discussed in chapter five) comprises your

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subconscious beliefsand subsequently your current outlook on life. Emotional memory is the uncompromising, unyielding culprit behind your doubt and self-sabotage when it comes to romance. It is what is causing your bad luck in love. You might be shocked to learn that your first experience of a broken heart in fifth grade may still be locked in your emotional system, setting the groove for difficult love experiences now. Think about it: would you take relationship advice from a fifth grader? Well, this is essentially what is happening by having these unprocessed love pains lurking around your subconscious mind. When it comes to feelings, like begets like. Our first experiences of everything are crucial seeds of future experiences. This is why people with cold, uncaring parents often find the same cold, uncaring attitudes show up in her romantic partners later in life. Fortunately, we now have energy psychology techniques that can remove negative emotional patterns that set the precedence for our life experiences. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which I utilize at length in the Tapping into Love Workbook, involves gentle pressure-point tapping. EFT clears the energy charge behind our emotions that impact our present day lives. (Visit tappingintolove.net for more information on EFT.) Further, humans have free will, which means we can change our behaviors, modify our thoughts, and regulate our emotions in order to transcend our emotional grooves that were carved out earlier in life. We can deliberately plant healthier seeds of faith, love, and joy, which will grow into wonderful life experiences. Yet... your old emotional garbage is not wasted; for just like with real-life waste, your past crap can be used as fertilizer to nourish your new life seeds with compassion, understanding, gratitude, and wisdom.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 7 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Humans have free will; this means we can change behavior, modify thoughts, and regulate emotions. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The humans natural state is one of peace, joy, and fulfillment. This is why we consistently work towards creating better lives. We work to create more abundance, better health, meaningful intimate encounters, beauty, fulfillment, and deeper faith. Clearing negative emotional patterns allows a natural return to peace and entices joy to reappear in our lives. This book refers to your joyful, empowered, loving self as your goddess self. This is a wonderful image for your personal growth. For instance, a goddess would in no way accept a phone call from a lover after midnight (especially after he has ignored her all week), and she certainly wouldnt concede to meeting up with him at that hour. Actually, a goddess wouldnt be attracted to a man who treats her like a booty call; her subconscious patterns of self-love would never match up with his patterns of disrespect. In order to stand by her side, a prospective suitor will either need to step up or she will find someone better. There are no other possibilities. A disrespectful man is figuratively thrown to the lions. On the other hand, respectful men get her utmost appreciation and attention. The goddess understands that appreciation is important to a man, and she is able to give in a way that does not compromise herself or her principles. Pushovers struggle to extend genuine love and appreciation to romantic partners since they are usually gravely lacking self-love and self-appreciation. The pushovers love comes across as clingy, fearful, and smothering. (But make no mistake; she will call it love nonetheless.) Another sign of a pushover: she lets a man walk

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all over her, and then rewards his bad behavior with unconditional love. Yet another version of the pushover behaves in a very cynical and condescending way towards him, believing this attitude denotes her personal powerwhich, of course, it is anything but. Lets back up and define what the term goddess even means. For most women, the term goddess conjures up sizzling images of a scantily clad female with flowing hair, a 24 waistline, and a 34 DDD bra. She has lips that could suction her face to a windowpane and eyes the size of mason-jar lids. She is able to mystify any man into submission and makes love like a jackhammering nympho on death row. Obviously, this image of a goddess is ludicrous! But this is the subconscious image that pushovers compare themselves to when sizing up their personal ranking in the romantic world. Girls, listen. The jackhammering nympho doesnt even exist... albeit, in the minds of some very twisted and delusional men. That is another book entirely (titled Men you Should NOT Date under Any Circumstances). Sadly, this idea of a goddess has been popularized by exaggerated feminine imagesfrom Barbie Dolls, to Hollywood glam, to Fairy Princesses that have been cast on the fertile screen in your brain since infancy. Let me give you a reality check: the real goddess is much more practical. She is sweet, feminine, and confident, though is not at all conceited. She is not demanding. She most definitely does not toil over whether or not she has a perfect body, smooth thighs, perky boobies, how long her hair is, or whether or not her jeans make her butt look fat. Her beauty is not donned from jewelry, makeup, clothes, a flat stomach, the right haircut or a Prada purse. Her beauty comes from a light within her borne from an effortless flow of love and a solid sense of self.

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She treats men respectfully without compromising her principles. She lets her romantic partner know how much she appreciates him. She shows up 100% in her relationships.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 8 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A goddess lets her romantic partner know how much she appreciates him. She shows up 100% in her relationships. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note that she doesnt coddle a man when he fails to do the same. Instead, she steps back and allows him to figure out what he is doing wrong, while she busies herself with her own life pursuits. Doing so is perfectly compatible with the goddess principles. Only a pushover will believe that it is not. A goddess recognizes her own beauty without being consumed by it... and without comparing herself to others. She pours her kindness out to the world with firm but gentle boundaries that exist effortlessly for her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 9 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A goddess recognizes her own beauty without being consumed by it... and without comparing herself to others. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A goddess doesnt demand anything from a man. She simply positions herself in relationships to either accept a partner into her life if he is respectful and loving (she is naturally attracted to that) or dismiss a man who is self-absorbed or treats her poorly. The goddess is joyful in her own skin, and this manifests as joy in romance and other areas of her life. She is able to express intimacy and enjoy sex with her partner because she expresses herself from a place of sound self-confidence and a deep appreciation for her body.

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Oh... one more point that is very important: please do not mistake the term goddess as a call to vanity. Living your goddess doesnt make you better than anyone! Approaching a man with an expectation of him worshiping you will always backfire. Respect you? Yes. Worship you? NO. Setting relationship boundaries with love is infinitely more effective than setting them with arrogance. Setting boundaries with love will increase the level of respect he has towards you... which is what you want in the first place! Love Language: 1. I appreciate myself. 2. I am learning what healthy relationship boundaries look like. 3. I am capable of setting healthy relationship boundaries 4. I am open to seeing my own beauty. 5. I AM good enough! 6. I am attractive. 7. I am kind. 8. I am sweet. 9. I am starting to recognize my beauty. Note: I have included Love Language affirmations at the end of each chapter. Dont just read them, however; remember, we need to assimilate these new beliefs into our subconscious mind in order for them to be truly effective. We do this by using as many senses as possible with them. For example: a. Read them upside down b. Write them out on paper with many different colors c. Write them with your non-dominant hand

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d. Read them aloud, then read them silently. Sing them. e. Close your eyes and say them. Keep eyes closed and sing them. (Singing and talking, and eyes-open and eyes-closed prompts activity in different brain regions.) f. Write them out with crayons or markers on flashcards g. Decorate the flashcards in fun colors and designs. (Creativity stimulates right-brain activity.) Use them daily. h. Put little notes in your books and planner, fridge, or mirror i. Put them on your computers screensaver or phones wallpaper l. Write them in sprinkled sand or salt n. Write them directly on your body with eye-liner or lip pencil and wear them (under your clothing) all day. Whatever you can do to flood yourself with the Love Language affirmations will help you integrate them into your subconscious. When this happens, you will start to behave, feel, and think in ways that reflect confidence, joy, and self-love! _________________________________________________
In the 1960s, women were learning proper bedroom etiquette and their place in a mans world. Suffice it to say the wheelbarrow position was not likely part of this young womans sexual repertoire. (The original source of this article is regrettably unknown.)

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Principle Two
A goddess (quietly) owns her personal power

_________________________________________________ Because we have evolved from our anthropological roots, it is helpful to understand why the female-to-male bonding process is so powerful. Historically, females needed a way to bond to their mates in order to survive, produce offspring, and form the bonds of cave-dweller clansfor lack of a better term. Mother Nature ensured that our brains evolve to fit this need. We can argue that, in a very basic sense, females with the most intense bonding ability were the ones who survived and produced offspring. Sticking with her man (and clan) meant extra protection and food for her and her young. Now, cave men were biologically driven to impregnate as many females as possible, thus ensuring his inherent contribution to the gene pool. Chasing or hunting females was a crucial biological piece to our ancestral arousal patterns. (Quick sidebar: theories about how and when homosapiens, or modern man, appeared on earth vary wildly, and I am not learned enough in the subject to form an opinion. I merely discuss it here to give perspective on why women react from such a primal place when it comes to protecting their beloved romantic relationship. I use the terms cave man and cave girl loosely in this respectto refer to the more primal self that mindlessly reacts rather than thinking it through.) Fast forward to modern times: this anthropological bonding is one of the reasons some women work so hard at getting a

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mans attention. It is also the reason a woman will experience such intense anxiety when he starts backing off from the relationship. That inner-cave girl wants her man to herself! This is also the reason a mans feelings suddenly change the moment a woman gets clingy, needy, or controlling. He simply doesnt need to hunt her anymore. (BORing...) Further, any female that presents a threat to his freedom stifles the biological makeup that drives him as a man. This is also why dolling yourself up in your quest for perfection... and then being overly-available will only serve to repel him... which only serves to propel you towards him in a frenzy of fear and envy. Ugly... really ugly... Recognizing that we are now, indeed, living in the 21st century, it makes little sense to behave like a Neanderthal. Knowledge Instead of trying so really is power, girlfriend! So why hard to be perfect, adopt subtle attitudes that will not use this knowledge to your get his attention. benefit? I want you to wrap your brain around this concept: if you make yourself too available to a man, he will be neurologically incapable of falling in love with you. Notice this doesnt read he might not be able to fall in love with you. Read it again: he will be neurologically incapable of falling in love with you. Harsh, I know, but you can actually use this knowledge to your benefitif you play it right. (Shh!!!) Become more mysterious! He will love you for it. Creating mystery engages him in the hunt. To a man, the hunt is everything. Being mysterious means that there are parts of your life that you do not share with him. It means that he doesnt always need to know where you are, why you are gone, or when you will return. It means that you dont sit around and sulk while he is out with the guys, waiting for his phone call to

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beckon you back to his arms. It means that he doesnt always get first dibs on your time because you have important things to dolike hanging with your girlfriends, painting your toenails, going to the gym, or working on your tennis backswing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 10 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A mysterious woman is an alluring woman. Being mysterious simply means that there are parts of your life that you do not share with him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets identify another pushover trait: chatter. Incessant talking. Babble. Gossip. Girl, please! Shut the front door! It is suffocating to a man to hear every detail of your life. Yeshe would rather watch the ballgame or work on his truck... or chew on tinfoil. Not only does the goddess NOT divulge everything about herself, she doesnt dump her feelings in his lap and then wait breathlessly for his response. Acting like this truncates his ability to chase or hunt you, and cheats him out of discovering the amazingness of you. Along these same lines, dont get into the habit of nagging or yelling in efforts to assert boundaries. Nagging and yelling does NOT denote personal power. In fact, nagging and yelling denotes pushover with attitude... and trust methats not anything you ever want to be. Sweet and feminine are far more attractive to a man than harsh and bitchy ever could be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sweet and feminine are more attractive to a man than harsh and bitchy ever could be. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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MANAWAY! The Worlds Best Man Repellant! For All Your Man-Repelling Needs!

Ingredients: jealously, clinginess, low self-esteem, ranting, acting like his mother, emotional smother, making yourself too available, drunkdialing (especially if calls involve emotional dumping, crying, or crass sexual innuendos), drunk-texting (of same), talking too much, having sex with him after hes been a jackass, dressing like a slut to get his attention, seducing him when hes trying to avoid you, trying hard to be his everything, trying to make him understand why you are upset with him, anything you do or say that threatens his freedom, thinking about nothing else except him-him-him!, a posed or fake demeanor, playing the victim, ill manners, poor hygiene, crusty feet, hating his friends, flirting with his friends, pointing out his faults, no personal pursuits, hating your own life, assuming the girlfriend role after a few dates or a romp in the hay, being nasty to kids or animals, dropping hints about marriage or kids, telling him your biological clock is ticking, repeatedly texting him, repeatedly emailing or I.M.ing him, hounding him, asking why didnt you call me? or where are you? or where were you? driving by his house to see if hes home, crowding his space, creating no mystery about yourself, giving him a laundry list of all of your good qualities so he knows what hes missing with you, acting like the perfect little housewife who does his laundry, cleans his house, and cooks his meals, talking too much, not listening to him when hes talking, wearing too much makeup, wearing too much perfume, telling him about all the new guys you are dating who want you, crashing his guys night, hanging on him in public, telling him we need to talk, explaining to him why hes emotionally shut down, emotional attachment to him, calling/texting him after he has blown you off or ignored you, acting ticked-off at him for him not calling, throwing things or damaging property, analyzing his actions, bragging, demanding, threatening, whimpering, bitching, freaking, moaning, whining, nagging, hitting, faulting, harassing, pouting, complaining, kicking and screaming . Suggested use: Spray liberally towards men you want to repel. 100% Effective. Use at your own risk. Side effects include being dumped on your ass, being labeled a psycho, involuntary abstinence, and men dive-bombing out of the way when they see you coming.

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A confident woman doesnt freak out when her partner behaves badly. She simply removes herself from his presence and gets busy with her own life. These actions get his attention. Why? They create the hunt. He doesnt know, at this point, if he really blew it or if she just doesnt like him enough to keep him around any longer. In either case, he will set to the task of getting her back. This is a mans nature. Time to make it work for you. Sarah (21) and Roger (22) had been dating for a year. They met at Arizona State University in her sophomore year; he was in his junior year. Sarah had been dancing since she was two years old and trained in many different dance styles, including ballet, modern, and jazz. She participated in local theater shows and was a highly accomplished performer. Sarah was a gorgeous girl, with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She had a beautifully toned physique as she had danced her whole life; she was studying dance in college with a minor in music. Yet in spite of all these amazing qualities, Sarah held no power in her relationship with Roger, a cocky running back on ASUs football team.
Want him to step up? Try stepping back.

Sarah had a list a mile-long list of expectations for Roger. Sadly, he never lived up to any of them. In fact, Roger was downright awful to her. He would constantly cancel dates at the last minute to go out drinking with his buddies. He would then call her at two in the morning, drunk and horny, telling her that he was coming over and, in spite of her nagging and protesting, he would show up on her doorstep and, after a heated argument, she would always let him in. She put up with all of it, simply

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nagging him and ranting whenever he pushed her too far. In spite of his immaturity, Roger and Sarah had an intense chemistry and it never failed that Sarah would forgive him of everything for a romp in bed with him. Essentially, Roger could come and go as he pleased from her life with nothing more than a nag session to pay for his bad behavior. Then he had a great reason for not taking the relationship more seriously. (She is such a nag!) AND he would get his ego stroked by being able to bed a woman whom he had dissed so horribly. One glorious day, Sarah auditioned for a dancing role in a musical with a prestigious theater production company. She was cast for a major part and for nearly three months of rehearsals, her feet barely touched the ground! Not only was this opportunity an incredible boost to her career, it would surely change the way Roger viewed her and that he would start treating her with a little more respect. Now, it happened that Sarahs car was in the shop and would not be ready for a couple of days, so the day before opening night, Roger agreed to drive her to the theater and then watch the show from the audience. Not surprisingly, he went out the night before and got drunk with his buddies. They all went out for an after-hours breakfast and then headed to his friends house to play video games. He fell into bed at six in the morning, knowing that Sarah had to leave for the theater by 2:00 the next afternoon. Starting at 10:30, Sarah called him repeatedly. Of course, he slept right through her calls. Roger finally woke up to the sound of his phone ringing at 2:30Sarahs 57th phone call that day. He raced over to pick her up. Sarah climbed into his car, shrieking at the top of her lungs. She called him every name in the book and blamed him

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for ruining her dancing career with her first big break. (Do you see how she handed over every speck of her personal power?) Roger barely responded, but just looked at her coldly. She was an emotional mess by the time she arrived at the theater. She got out of his car and... he drove away. He left, never going in to watch the performance, and later told her, Dont you ever talk to me like that again! He never acknowledged his selfish and immature behavior. Sarah was devastated and struggled with her performance that night. She had to ask for a ride home. When she arrived home, Roger was waiting in his car in front of her house, drunk and annoyed. She saw him and started sobbingtears she had held in the whole night. He hugged her for a while, and then she let him into her house and had sex with him to make up for her yelling at him. An absolutely true story, I am sad to say. Lets all make a silent promise to Sarah that Rogers troll-like behavior (and her pushover blunders that supported them) will be exoneratedthrough all of us implementing the goddess principles and holding these egotistical men accountable! I am going to take some poetic license and rewrite the above scenario, giving Sarah the inner confidence and healthy boundaries of a goddess. In fact, I encourage you to do this same activity with your own pushover behaviors. This will become easier as you learn and embrace these principles. Visualize your goddess-response several times a day as this creates the mental groove for your future behavior. How might Sarahs day have unfolded with her inner-goddess at the wheel? Well, it would have looked something like this: Roger promised Sarah that he would drive her to the theater and then watch the show from the audience. He goes out drinking (as depicted above) with his buddies the night before

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and sleeps right through her one and only text message: Hey, Roger! Need to leave my house by noon. Thanks! :) Knowing that he is unreliable, Sarah has prearranged a back-up ride down to the theater. After not hearing back from him at a reasonable time, she calls her back-up ride and heads to the theater with plenty of time to spare. She is disappointed, yes. However, she gets that his failure to keep his word has nothing to do with her self-worth. She loves herself... and Roger is quickly showing her that he cannot support her in the way she wants from a man. *yawn* She arrives at the theater and heads to the dressing room, relaxed and focused. She greets all of her theater friends and is soon engrossed in and thoroughly enjoying the buzz of getting ready for her first big performance. She carefully applies her glittery makeup and styles her long Ask yourself, How blonde hair. She dons her would a goddess handle sparkly costume jewelry and this? Act accordingly. slithers into her exotic dance outfit. She looks in the mirror at her goddess self and feels a wave of ecstasy as only stage fright before an amazing performance can bring. She completes her warm-up stretches and practices some dance moves. She does some deep breathing, says a little prayer, and then goes on to deliver a killer performance. After the show, she goes out for dinner and drinks with the cast and crew and has a ball. Roger wakes up at 3:00 that afternoon. He panics when he realizes that he missed Sarahs text over five hours earlier. He calls her, but her phone is off. He races over to her house and knocks on the door. No answer. He races back home. He hastily showers, dresses, drives down to the theater and buys a ticket. She had one for him, but for some reason it was not at

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will call. (Hmmm... she must have just forgotten...) He sees her in the show as she dances her heart out. She is so damn sexy! After the show, he calls her cell phone, but it is still off. She has mysteriously made herself unavailable without a whimper. She has not even left a nasty message for him blowing her off. Uh oh... maybe she is sick of him. Maybe she has finally figured out how wonderful she really is and that he is nothing but a jerk for treating her like a play toy. Or, maybe she is involved with a guy in the theater production?! He is sick over these thoughts. He texts her and calls her after the show, leaving voicemails apologizing for sleeping in and asking her to go out and celebrate her amazing performance. She never answers her phone. Finally, he drives over to her house and sits on her porch, waiting for her to come home, which she doesnt do until midnight. Her theater friends drop her off; as the car door opens, he hears their laughter and their buzz talk with each other about the amazing performance. She says her goodnights, closes the car door, and walks up her driveway. Oh, hey! What are you doing here? she asks with a lighthearted smile. Sorry, I guess I blew it today. Yeah, you missed a great show! No, I saw it. You were amazing. Oh, you did? Well, thanks! (beaming smile) Can you believe it? My first big show! Could you tell I was nervous in the first scene? (Notice she never addresses that didnt give her a ride.) Not at all. You were great. Awww... thanks! Im so excited for tomorrow night! Its a sold out show! She pulls her house key out of her bag. Can I come in? He tries to get comfortable with his furious hard-on from seeing his sexy girl glammed-out in glittering

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stage makeup. Oh gosh... not tonight. She kisses his cheek. Im beat and need a hot bath. But lets catch up next week? She unlocks her door. Good-night Roger. Thanks for stopping by! She goes in, closing and locking the door behind her. She shuts off the porch light (a polite way to tell him to get lost) and keeps her phone off for the rest of the night. Roger is left hobbling down the driveway with a wounded ego and a stiffy. The boundary is set. His punishment is much harsher than any amount of nagging or screaming Sarah could ever have imposed. She has completely maintained her personal power.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 12 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Take some time to rewrite your own pushover behaviors with goddess confidence and boundaries. Visualize your goddess-responses several times a day. This helps to create the grooves for your future behavior. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So do you see it? In the goddess version of the story, Sarah rose above his poor behavior without so much as a scratch on her dignity. Even if Roger had just blown her off completely, never gone to the theater to see her perform, and didnt show up at her house afterwards, Sarah still would have had complete and total control over her personal power. Sarahs love of dance and performing would not have been compromised by his lack of respect. In her subtle but powerful way, the goddess lets a man know that his immature behavior will not be tolerated. At that point, he has a choice: step up or step back, but he cant stand where he is any longer. Sadly, in the real story, Sarah never stepped into her goddess-

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self. She had all she needed to do sobeauty, charm, talent, and intelligence... but she made her whole life about Rogers acceptance of her. She allowed his disrespect and attitude to dictate her self-worth. Ouch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 13 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In her subtle but powerful way, the goddess lets a man know that his immature behavior will not be tolerated. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In real life, Sarah and Roger dated for five years. They ended up moving in together. His treatment of her got worse and worse. He was partying until all hours of the night, he was sleeping with other women, he was completely ignoring her requests for time together, and he copped an attitude like he was king of the castle and she was nothing but an annoyance he had to tolerate until he wanted to have sex. To top it all off, Sarah was paying most of the bills and cleaning up after Rogers sloppy ass. One day, completely broken and disillusioned, Sarah looked at him and said, Roger, I just cant do this anymore. She packed all of her belongings and moved out. He didnt chase after her. Sarah never did recover fully from him. She settled down with the first available rebound guy, gave up her dancing career, and drank herself into a puddle of tears. No one could figure out just why Roger treated her Sarah so poorly. She was an absolutely beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman who could have given him the world... but he didnt want it. Not from her, anyway. Because it was just too damn easy. Responding nonchalantly and acting as if his mind game is no big deal will disempower him. Men are used to pushing boundaries, then getting their way. So when you dont engage, but are nice to him, it is the ultimate goddess move, because he will immediately think that you are getting a life without him.

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This is what you want him to think. Really, my dear, you need to think thatand live that too. A goddess is always kind and gracious. She cant help it; she loves herself! When we love ourselves, we love others. This is why, in the re-written goddess scenario, Sarah speaks kindly to Roger when she sees him sitting on her porch. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and simply goes inside ALONE. These are the actions of a goddess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 14 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A goddess is always kind and gracious. She cant help it; she loves herself! When we love ourselves, we love others. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The goddess completely skims over his immature behavior, and gives him zero opportunity to engage in an argument, because she has already won any potential argument. Lets look at another potential pushover response: suppose had Sarah told Roger that night on his driveway, Im so pissed at you for ditching me today! Fuck you! You stupid asshole! (A conversation that transpired on an almost daily basis between them) it would have meant a complete relinquishing of her personal power. Or, had she copped an attitude with him, rolled her eyes and talked curtly to him, something like What do you want? as she walked up the driveway, or met his request to come in with, God, youre so pathetic! and slammed the door, she also would have been relinquishing all of her personal power. A goddess doesnt act like that. These actions mean a sinking down to his level of immaturity... and he still has no motivation to change his poor behavior. His thought process will go something like this: I guess shes pissed. Damn it! Oh well... no nookie tonight. Whatever... shell get over it soon enough. Now where did I put that girly magazine and bottle

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of lotion? Roger would have left, knowing that he still was the one with the power in their relationship. Depending upon his level of resolve that night, there is always the possibility of seducing her into bed with apologies and kisses; then she would have been tired for the show the following night and would have hated herself in the morning... because essentially she traded her convictions for an orgasm or two. A goddess wont do that. Any man who touches her body has to earn that privilege through a deep respectdenoted by his enduring actions not a temporary hard-on for her. End of story. He either lives up to your standards or he doesnt... there is very little wiggle room. If he doesnt, then you are not interested. Living your goddess means that you are happy, content, and vested in your own interests and pursuitsnot just his! If you love your own life and radiate excitement and passion about it, then he will want to be part of it. I hear what a lot of you are thinking right now. Easier said than done! (Right?) You want me to walk away from him after hes acted like such a jerk? Hell no I wont! He deserves to pay the price! Im gonna rip him a new one when I see him next! Or, some of you may be wondering, How do I get over the anger, hurt, and feelings over what hes done to me? My heart is broken... and I cant just smile and pretend like its not.... Hey, I hear you Sister. I am going to ask you at this point to just keep your goddess-you in mind as you move along this journey. You may not get there overnight, but as you do this work and release your negative emotions, work on loving yourself and creating a life you are happy to live, you will soon find that you are implementing these processes fluently. Soon you will have no desire to climb in bed with a disrespectful jerk. You just wont be attracted to him anymore. You will see.

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Successful relationships are simply a matter of understanding the attitudes, emotional patterns, and behaviors that make men attracted to certain women: independence, confidence, and mysteriousness are all highly attractive to men. Think about itare you not attracted to those same qualities in men, too? Men are attracted to women who dont need them. If she could take him or leave him and still be happy, she is a catch. Therefore, the most powerful thing you can do to boost your love-vibe right now is to get avidly interested in your own life. What are your interests? What do you like to do? What were your dreams as a little girl? Have you done anything to pursue those dreams? Or have you traded those dreams for disenchanting relationship endeavors and bygone romance? Please stop defining yourself by your past relationship failures. The men who have disappointed you and broken your heart were responding to your subconscious negative expectations not your true and inherent self-worth. Start noticing what is right with you... because there is a lot right with you! By your very nature, you are an expression of divine love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 16 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By your very nature, you are an expression of divine love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On this same note, recognize that there is NOTHING virtuous about being a pushover. This means that there is nothing spiritual about being too nice when he is being disrespectful. While we are on the subject, dont dupe yourself into donning the unconditionally loving labelwhereby you close your eyes to his troll-like behavior and welcome him with open arms anyway. This is not unconditional love. It is everything but love because you are supporting a dysfunctional pattern in him. Further, it is certainly not a loving way for you to treat yourself!

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Get this: it is virtually impossible to give unconditional love when you are supporting dysfunctional behavior. Rather, start setting your standards... and putting yourself on the level of respect that you want and deserve from him. Being sweet does not mean being stupid. It means being real, and setting those standards firmly and lovingly. The old adage you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar is very true. But being sweet has absolutely nothing to do with being a pushoverbecause no matter how sweet the honey is, no man is going to lick it off the ground. Stop being a doormat. Start being real. He will love you for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 17 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Being sweet has absolutely nothing to do with being a pushover. Because no matter how sweet the honey is, no man is going to lick it off the ground. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you begin to release your tendency to cling to your man, you will become more relaxed in your life overall. You will start feeling better about yourself. You will act much differently towards him. These energetic shifts may feel a little scary at first as your ego fights you mentally to hang onto familiar means. There is no need for fear! Remembermen like to chase their women and unless he really does not like you in the first place, he will come around. If he does not come around? That is no true loss; you are still better off than you were just waiting around for him to step up. You are far too classy of a woman to wait for a man who views you as a booty call. In fact, start thinking of yourself as a delicious, forbidden fruit, reserved only for the most noble of men (keeping in mind that the most simpleminded troll can become the noblest gentleman in the presence of a goddess). Of course, dont use this visual from a

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conceited standpoint. Rather, use it simply to internalize your true and inherent value. A humble, unassuming attitude is always in order. Always strive to speak respectfully and calmly toward him, even when you are upset. When we look at the disempowered version of Sarah, we see that her yelling and ranting at Roger got her absolutely nowhere... except further disrespected. It must be noted thatonce in a great whileit is necessary to throw the plate against the wall and yell like a banshee from hell. But this is reserved for times when he does something that could cause harm to himself or someone else. For example, he is verbally abusing or hitting your kids or dog (p.s.: leave a man if he EVER does), he insists on driving drunk, or he informs you that he is going to take your toddler alligator hunting for some special bonding time. Yelling is also sensibly used for emergent issues that require his immediate attention (E.g.: there is a rattlesnake is in your kitchen, your house is on fire, or... he didnt put the twist-tie back on the bread package *kidding*). Seriously girls... dont use yelling for the little things... or in efforts to communicate when he starts pushing your emotional buttons. In those cases, simply distance yourself from him. This is MUCH more effective in shaping desired behavior. You see, if you hardly ever yell, he will definitely take notice when you do. But if you yell all the time and seem equally upset about him leaving his dirty socks on the floor as you do about him ditching you to go drinking with his friends, he well become immune to it and dub you a nag and then use it against you when you least expect it. Sad but true. Some boys are like that. Some of you may have a tough time breaking your yelling habit. You may even be worried that not yelling anymore will disempower you within the relationship. I am only asking you

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to try these goddess principles and witness the positive effects first hand. It will be well worth the effort, and you can save your vocal cords and gain peace of mind in the process! One of the best parts of doing this work is in observing the emergence of your inner-goddess. She may not emerge overnight, she may stumble and fall and cave to your cave-girl once in a while, but if you keep working to raise your level of awareness, keep focusing on creating joy in your life and creating a core appreciation for yourself, you will soon succeed, and your inner-goddess will emerge in a splendid way. Remember, it is your birthright to live a glorious and fulfilling life. This process is not so much a forging-ahead-and-forcing yourself to change process as it is a dropping-old-baggage-toallowing your charm, loveliness, and sweetness to unfold process. Allowing... not forcing. Take a moment to feel the difference in the energy of each these words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 18 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This process is not so much a forging-ahead-and-forcingyourself-to-change process, as it is a dropping-old-baggageto-allow-the-unfolding-of-your loveliness, charm, and sweetness process. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You will know this process is working because you will start feeling more content in your own skin for seemingly no reason. You will feel more empowered and more alive. You will walk with your head held higher and will smile more often. You will feel emotionally lighter and excited about your future. You will have no desire to keep checking your phone or email for contact from him. If he has been disrespectful, you let his call go to voicemail. You answer his text messages with nothing more than an emotionally-neutral, yet respectful two or three

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word reply. All contact between you is initiated by him (at least until he starts behaving himself). When you do speak to him (even if it has been several days since he has contacted you), you are kind and convey an ignorance of sorts: you were too busy with your own life to notice that he has not been part of it lately. You explain absolutely NOTHING about why you didnt let him come over when he was drunk last night or why you wont drive to his house after midnight. If he calls you after nine oclockespecially after not talking to you all weekit is a booty call and dont be deluded into thinking differently. If you do answer the phone, you say in a sleepy voice, Lets just chat tomorrow, sweetie... then hang up the phoneeven if he starts to argue with you. Then turn your phone OFF so that you wont be disturbed by his calling and texting you all nightbecause he will. You dont yell at him. You dont get into verbal arguments with him. You never, EVER utter the words, You need to respect me! or Im done putting up with your crap! because saying these things means that you are not convinced of them yourself (or you wouldnt be saying them). He instinctively knows this... and will push the envelope further and further. Arguing with him only serves to give him a foothold on your emotions and gives him all the power in the relationship. The goddess knows this, and simply steps back when he pulls his macho-mischief. If you are talking with him on the phone and he becomes disrespectful or argumentative, politely say, Oh gosh... I have a situation here. I need to get going. Bye! Then hang up the phone, without any further explanation. Do not talk to him unless he is being respectful. If he gets upset with you for blowing him off you dont need to make excuses or overexplain yourself. Nor do you need to don your policewoman hat and read him his relationship rights. In fact, you give no

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explanation. He will figure it out without you coaching or coddling him through his how not to be a troll lessons.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 19 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arguing with him only serves to give him a foothold on your emotions... and gives him all the power in the relationship. The goddess knows this, and simply steps back from him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are a classy woman. Holding him to a higher standard with actionsnot words, has everything to do with your love life working... with him or someone better! Love Language: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. I stay calm and composed, even if he disappoints me. I can explain my perspective in just a few simple, truthful words. I allow distance to say what needs to be said. I maintain my personal power in my relationships. I am learning to allow love... rather than chase love. I handle my relationships with confidence and goddesswisdom. I am worthy of love. I am getting this romance thing right. I recognize my positive qualities.

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Principle Three
A goddess sets healthy relationship boundaries.

__________________________________________________

Why does she do it? Why does a perfectly beautiful woman pine away, wait for, and cry over a jerk-of-a Mr. Wrong? She usually does so for one of two reasons: 1) she subconsciously doesnt think that she deserves any better, and 2) she believes he is incapable of change. Both reasons are bogus. Men are far more likely to commit to women who love themselves than women who dont. Dont kid yourself; he instinctually knows the difference. The woman who loves herself doesnt break her back trying to prove how worthwhile she is. She doesnt make up excuses for his bad behavior, and she doesnt stick around to try to figure out his head games. Now, this doesnt mean a man wont hang out with that girl who does break her back for him, make up excuses for him, or puts up with his head games. He will. Especially if she is willing to do all those kinky moves in bed trying to please him. That is great fun! But this poor girl can forget him ever stepping up into a dream boyfriend... much less trying to finagle any kind of a commitment out of him. Why should he commit? She already gives him everything he wants. He doesnt need to spend money on nice dinners; she puts out anyway. He doesnt need to clean his house; she does it for him. All he needs to do is tell her, Darlin, youre the best! I dont know what I would do without you! Then she will feel that much

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closer to winning him over. She seals the deal by giving him a earsplitting blowjob. Or maybe he will throw her around the bed for a while. That isnt a bad time, and it keeps her happy. Later he will crack open a beer, kick back, and play video games while she bustles around the kitchen and makes him a delicious snack. Seriously, sisters... why would he change? Why would he commit? Dont be silly! Hes got a great thing going! Men dont set the standards in relationships; women do. Every time a woman rationalizes a mans poor behavior, she takes a tiny chip out of her self-esteem. Every time she bends over backwards in an effort to prove herself, she subconsciously lowers her personal value. Eventually she feels awful about herself... and has no idea why. So she stays with himbelieving she isnt worth anything more than what he is giving her... unaware of the many wonderful, attractive men in this world who would be honored to be her romantic partner. But she will never see them through her tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 20 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are many wonderful, attractive men in this world who would be honored to be your romantic partner... but you will never see them through your tears. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I understand how difficult it is to traipse around on the romantic playing field of life. I am definitely not one of those women who just doesnt get it when it comes to the real-life hard knocks of love. I know how painful it can be to hug your pillow, wishing it were him, and looking at your phone to see if he has made any effort to connect. In fact, I am very realjust like you. I hurtjust like you. I used to really struggle with holding to these goddess principlesjust like you. The only difference between me and many of my readers is that I have

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learned to follow these protocols that maintain my confidence and keep me in the drivers seat of my love life. I understand the incredible personal value that comes from holding myself to the higher standards of self-love and self-respectno matter how strong the emotional pull is back to him. I hope to inspire you, my dear reader, to walk away from disrespectful men who dont show you how incredibly wonderful you are or what you mean to them... who dont adore you like the beautiful, loving woman you are. I hope to inspire you to walk through the madness of his macho squalor... and find the confident-andthriving version of yourself on the other side. The self-esteem that comes from recognizing that you have behaved like a goddessrather than a pushover? It is worth everything in the world. It is worth far more than succumbing to the emotional addiction of going back to a difficult, selfcentered man who chooses the television over your eyes in the afterglow. He might be handsome, sexy, with incredible potential. But it takes far more than that to hold the hand of your goddess. See if you have ever heard your girlfriends (or maybe yourself) use any of these rationalizations for staying in a rotten relationship: I have just never ever had this strong of a connection with anyone before. The sex is just sooo incredible! People just dont know him like I know him. I know a side to him that nobody knows. He and I just have a very unique relationship. I dont really want a serious relationship right now anyway.

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He is just being difficult because he knows how connected we are, and he is trying to not feel the way he really feels because it scares him. Im fine just sleeping with him once in a while. I dont know what it is about him! He is just so amazing! You just could never understand how I feel. You would never understand. No one will ever understand. I know, I put up with a lot but I cant help it. Im crazy in love with him! Oh boy! Where do we start? How about we start with an understanding that this is not love at all? These statements are essentially describing a pattern of addiction. Any time we adhere to an unhealthy life patternwhether it be booze, Set your standards food, computer games, or a MUCH higher than you hurtful relationship, and we ever thought you would... claim that it brings joy, or could. Because you can. And should. pleasure, or euphoria that no one would ever understand, know full well that you are dealing with an addiction. This is not love, in any way, shape, or form. It is hell... and you are there. In a hand-basket (whatever that means). You have the power to change this unfulfilling pattern and open your life up to wonderful possibilities of love. Mother Nature has created enormous hormonal and neurological attachment potential in women. This is why some women bond so quickly to sexual partners. This bonding shows up as neediness, obsession, possessiveness, and all of those other yuck factors that many women know so well. Whether or not this bonding is a positive adaptive quality largely depends

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upon the era discussed! For instance, a cavemans average lifespan was a mere 15 to 20 years. Therefore, an intense attraction/bonding pattern made sense. But such an intense attraction/bonding pattern is outrageously counter-productive in our modern world of romance. We need to give Mother Nature a helping hand in taking the reigns back on our love life. One of the great misfortunes of childhood is the backwards ideology of fairytales. From a very young age, girls are taught that a womans love hero will magically ride in and fulfill her wildest dreamswith virtually NO effort on her part. All she needs to do is be passively kind, perpetually cheerful, and, of course, tolerate horrendous abuse from her evil stepmother and society. The result of these messages is that we now have a whole culture of beautiful, talented and desirable women, who are disempowered, disenchanted, and highly confused, with no measure of self-esteem or practical personal goals. Most women have no idea how to attract, intrigue, or enchant the men they really want. Then, when Prince Charming does show up, he is a dweeb from hell and she isnt interested. She wants her sloppy, lazy, half-hearted heartthrob back... and she somehow manages to both compromise her fairytale ideals and superimpose them on him at the same time. Do you remember that part in Cinderella when Prince Charming gets drunk and goes over to her house to bang her by midnight, before her bed turns into a pumpkin? How about the scene in Sleeping Beauty when Prince Charming humps her roommate and then turns the whole thing around to be Beautys fault? Oh! Oh! I know! How about that part in Snow White when he ignores her for two weeks, and then plays dumb when she calls him crying? Then he gets annoyed with her and says, You see, Snow? This is why you and I would never work out! Youre way too clingy and dramatic! Wasnt that

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romantic? **sigh** I love happy endings... dont you? It is astounding to look at how many women hold onto the fairytale-troll dichotomy... and virtually see no contradiction in it whatsoever. This fairytale-troll dichotomy depicts the woman who subconsciously holds a diehard allegiance to her fairytale love story and, at the same time, holds out for her disrespectful, ignoramus, and egotistical boyfriend, fianc, or husband. He doesnt treat her like a princess. He treats her more like the gum he found on the bottom of his shoe. And they lived happily ever after. The End. My dear, if you want to continue the relationship with a man who is making you feel unworthy, unattractive, or unhappy, that is your choice; I am only asking that you recognize it for what it truly is: a lopsided mind game that is played at the expense of your dignity. I am asking that you give up your attachment to it ever being more than it is, should you never choose to create something different in your life. It is entirely possible that, as you continue to work on you and raising your awareness of your incredible selfworth that you will wake up one day, look at Mr. Half-Ass, and think, Wow. I dont know what I ever saw in him. Or, You know, he is just not as handsome to me anymore. Or, Eww... I never realized that his butt was that hairy. You are not doomed to a life of Im fine just sleeping with him once in a while. You just need to wake up and recognize where you are already strong. Already beautiful. Already deserving. Because, my beautiful sister, you deserve so much more than what he is giving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 21 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My beautiful sister, you deserve so much more than what he is giving.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

20 signs you are with Mr. Wrong... who feels like Mr. Right: 1. You think there is something wrong with you and that is why he is not committing. 2. You keep waiting for the magic of the love between you (that you KNOW is there) to unfold. You keep waiting... waiting... waiting. Weeks... months... years go by... and you are still waiting. (This is evolutionary cave-girl programmingjust so you know...) 3. You are lying to family and friends about his behavior because they would have your head examined for staying with him. 4. You are not telling anyone about his poor behavior because you are too embarrassed to, and no one would understand why you keep going back to him. 5. He is dating other people or trying to pick up on your friends. 6. You take him back during his sexual dry spells. 7. He is drinking a lot or using drugs, but you see the good in him anyway... and hold out for him to step into his potential. 8. You get excited to receive his calls/texts/emails after he has treated you like garbage. 9. You dont require him to do any work in the relationship. 10. You are doing his laundry or dishes while he is out of town or out drinking with his buddies... or out with other women. 11. You cry more than you smile about him. 12. You have feelings of hopelessness about your future with him, but you just cant help the feelings you have for him! 13. You feel doomed in love.

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14. You think you are fat (or ugly, or old, or flawed in some way). 15. You have neglected your family or friends in order to spend time with him. 16. Your family members are upset with you for neglecting them in order to spend time with him. 17. You hold off on making any plans to make sure he doesnt want to see you first. 18. You cancel plans with friends if he wants to see you. 19. He has a criminal record and minimizes it. 20. He offers nothing to the relationship but a fun time in bed and an occasional hot meal. Darling, may I be blunt with you? Your flea-market availability is a total turn-off to his inner hunter. Unless you change things up, he will never develop the drive he needs to falland stay in love with you. If you choose to continue with your relationship the way it is, then he will never become the man you dream him of being because you are essentially giving him absolutely no motivation to change. By nature, most men do as little as possible to maintain relationships. This is not really their faultit is the way they have been programmed by evolution. But these same men step up into dream-boyfriends when they fall in love. (Now isnt that a delicious and handy piece of information?) It is up women to set the standards within themselves. Goddess, instead of wasting your time, beauty, and talents on a man who is taking advantage of your patient nature, invest in your own life. Instead of wasting your time trying to prove yourself to him, start doing things that are meaningful to you. Follow your own interests and hobbies that make YOU excited

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about your life. Note: this doesnt mean you should pursue interests and hobbies that HE likes or would think were cool. He knows you dont actually enjoy fly-fishing, mud-wrestling, or watching reruns of ESPN. Pretending you do is completely counterproductive to your efforts and cements you further into disenchantment and powerlessness. Your passions and interests are Gods calling cards; it is important that you follow them. Doing so will bring your life into alignment with the natural divine order. Self-love and confidence are natural qualities of divine order. This means that even the slightest effort on your part can bring about profound results.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 22 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Your passions and interests are Gods calling cards; it is important that you follow them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is a common scenario I have heard from many women over the years: her disrespectful ignoramus boyfriend tells her that he values his freedom and never wants to marry. He turns around a couple months later and falls head over heels for some clunky bimbo with a bad dye job and big earsbut who can hold her own with him and doesnt lay down like a mattress when he puffs up his chest. He soon flies off to Bermuda to marry her, completely abandoning his prior convictions of singlehood. Why? It is simple: a man wants a girl he cant control or manipulate. He desires the woman he needs to put effort in to pursue. He wants the girl who will trigger his innerhunter. Rest assured, my good readers, this is the only way a man ever falls in love. For my non-believer fairytale-sufferers, I would like to recount a subplot from the movie White Chicks. For those not familiar

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with this movie, the Wayans brothers (two sexy black men), go under FBI cover as Brittney and Tiffanythe white societalprincess Olson sisters. Another character in the movie, Latrell, a sweet-talking, basketball star and man-whore, takes a liking to Brittney who is played by Shawn Wayans, done up in his undercover Brittney-wear. Latrell, who is usually able to bed any woman he wants, approaches Brittney and tries to engage her in sweet-talk. Disgusted by his sexually charged come-ons, Brittney (Shawn Wayans) holds her hand up in front of Latrells face and sneers, Sorry! Not interested. Latrell persists in his efforts to engage Brittany, much to her (his) disgust. Brittney finally says to him, Look King Kong, why dont you take you and your 1980 pick-up lines, and climb all the way up to the top of the Empire State Building, beat on your big old monkey chest, then jump off? scuse me! She swaggers away from him. In disbelief, Latrell grabs her arm to pull her back; Brittney responds by spraying him with mace and yelling in a deep voice, Get your hands off me, man! then runs away as fast as her hairy legs can carry her. What was Latrells response? Did he say, What a conceited bitch! There is no way Im interested in her anymore! (?) No. Did he say, Well, I guess shes not attracted to me. I think Ill go find another woman to bed tonight. (?) No. Did he say, Oh well, shes too much work to bother. I better just give up on her! (?) NO! Are you ready for it? While blinking the mace out of his eyes , he fumbles, in utter shock, points in Brittneys direction and

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says, Oh! She dont know it yet, but oh, thats wifey right there! WIFEY! Within seconds of meeting her he has designs on marrying her! All because she triggered his inner-hunter by not being remotely available. Keep in mind that his future wife was sporting a five oclock shadow and a penis! (...and... seriously... like ohh moy gawd... she was like... wearing fake leather shoes that didnt even match her purse! Like... ewwwuhhh!!) Latrell continues his mercilessly pursuit of Brittney throughout the movie, including paying $50,000 at a charity auction for a single dinner date with her. In order to keep undercover, Brittany must accompany King Kong on his $50,000 date. Revolted by his relentless affections, Brittney displays crude and unladylike behavior in efforts to turn him off and repel him. Each effort she takes to free herself from his lovelock only allures him into further pursuit of her. She stuffs her face full of noxious food and laughs with her mouth full. She bites off her toenail and spits it in his drink. She does a boopsie (passed gas) when he tries to kiss her. She insults him at every turn, snubbing his basketball playing abilities, calling him ape and other horrible names that I wont repeat here. The more obnoxious and unavailable she makes herself, the more deeply he falls for her. Near the end of the movie, Latrell jumps in front of a bullet that was meant for her, screaming, NOOOOO!! When Brittney thanks him for jumping in front of the bullet to save her life, Latrell says to her lovingly, I had no choice. I couldnt let them take my one true love away! The cat-and-mouse chase doesnt end until Latrell learns that she is really a he. So ladies, if you are looking for some secret magic that will make you irresistible to men, look no further. It is not about pheromones. No sappy feminine charm. It is not about breast

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implants or losing that ten extra pounds. It is never about finding that perfect hot outfit or sexy new sunglasses. It is definitely NOT about giving him the benefit of the doubt so you can come across as easy going (because he will see you as a pushover). It has nothing to do with the conditioner you use on your hair, that $50 perfume on your vanity, the earrings you swiped from your sister, the brand name hair-straightener you use, or the fact that your shoes match your purse. All it takes for a man to fall in love is for her to successfully get the attention of (and then run) from his inner-hunter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 23 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All it takes for a man to fall in love is for her to successfully get the attention of (and then run from) his inner-hunter. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The movie White Chicks teaches one of the most important lessons I promote throughout this book: if you are in love with a man, you must be willing to create some mystery. You must create some distance between you two in order to attract and maintain his attention. And for goodness sake, if he is sleeping with other women, viewing you as his off-season ride, or acting like a jerk, then walk away from him. Stay away. Dont reward him with your attentionincluding arguing with him about his devolution into troll-magnon-man. Of course, you dont need to spray him with mace, be unladylike, or let your leg hair grow into dreads. That is not the point here. Just be sure to put your own dignity first. Refuse to take on in his feigned ignorance and poor behavior. If he is being disrespectful, rude, or downright trollish, then it is not loveand you deserve better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 24 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If he is being rude, elusive, or downright trollish, then it is

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not love, and you deserve better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the way, an excellent book on productive female behaviors is Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. I highly recommend that you read it; the author gives sound insight into the maleminded thinking and excellent suggestions for side-stepping his frustrating behaviors. Lets look at a real-life scenario that demonstrates the troll in action: Graces boyfriend, Greg, cussed her out and ranted for ten minutes one day because she put the mayonnaise back in the refrigerator on the wrong shelf. (Troll!) Grace had no idea how to respond to him, so simply watched him rant and rave. He then stormed out to the back yard, and she went into the bathroom and cried. She sat in there for 15 minutes... until he came looking for her and knocked on the door. You okay, Hun? he asked, as if nothing was wrong at all. She waited a few minutes, and finally opened the door. Whats wrong? He asked, giving her a hug. She sobbed as he held her and told him how much his yelling hurt her feelings. He apologized three times, called himself a knucklehead and a shit-for-brains and told her he had just had a hard day at work. Grace then forgave him and spent the night. She told herself, I am showing him unconditional love... which he needs. Because he never had love from his mom, which is why he acts like this toward me... (Pushover!) Two weeks later, Greg ranted and cussed at her for not shutting the TV and the DVD player off in the right order! (Troll!) Lets take this same scenario and, using the same poetic license we used with Sarah and Roger in the last chapter, rewrite Graces goddess-response to Gregs disgraceful mayonnaise on the wrong shelf tirade: The minute Greg starts cussing and

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ranting, Goddess Grace quietly leaves the kitchen, gathers her purse, and leaves his house . She doesnt slam the front door. She answers his predictable phone call that comes five minutes later. He asks her, Babe, where did you go? I was just upset about the mayo being on the wrong shelf. You didnt need to leave! (Minimizing and denying bad behavior are common troll elements.) Grace calmly responds. Your rant was just way creepy. Mayo on the wrong shelf? Really? (This is all she says.) He pauses and says, Im so sorry, Babe. Youre right I just had a really bad day at work! Someone stole my favorite pen and my boss is breathing down my neck about the big project thats due Friday. Im so sorry Babe... please come back! Grace, of course, does NOT go back. Instead, she thoughtfully pauses, and says, Ya know, Greg, I really appreciate the apology. It means a lot to me. Im sorry things are stressful for you at work (notice how she is validating him) but Im not going to ever be your emotional punching bag. Im sure not going to be with a man who cant control his temper over something so trivial. Then she shuts up. (YES! That is ALL she says!) There will be dead silence on the phone on his end; he is stunned that she just put him in his place so calmly. Most women he has done this to have scrambled around, trying to figure out how to get him to calm down and not be mad at her... which put him in the power position. Now? With Goddess Grace? He is in the shitter position. He is completely disoriented and in unfamiliar territory. (Helllooooo Inner Hunter... yo??!!) So when that dead air phone silence comes, the goddess does NOT say, Hello? Are you still there? (Because this suggests she is worried that he hung up... which is a pushover move). Instead, she says, Well, it seems we are both

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done talking, so Im going to get going. Goodnight Greg. I hope you have a better day at work tomorrow. She gives him a respectful five seconds or so to respond back, which he doesnt do. She hangs up and turns her phone off. Greg is left spinning. What in the hell just happened? She disarmed his troll with nothing but... nothing. How did she do that? Now Greg has a choice; he can have either have his inner troll run his life, or he can have Grace. He cant have both. Meanwhile, Grace arrives home, spends some time playing with her dog, checks her email, does a couple loads of laundry, and then treats herself to a relaxing lavender bubble bath. She is not crying in the bathroom for 15 minutes and is not lowering her self-respect by hanging around a man who just berated and insulted her. She is not minimizing or rationalizing his poor behavior in efforts to make the relationship work out. Quick question: Do you think Greg will ever talk to Grace like that again? Not a damn chance. One more very important question: regarding the unconditional love ideal that so many women seek to embody. Considering the above two scenarios, which was truly more loving: Graces pushoverwho rewarded Gregs bad behavior and perpetuated the cycles of abuse in their relationship? Or her goddess behavior, which ultimately helped him step into a more respectful, loving version of himself? Clearly, not all men are as trollish as Greg. Most men are more like trollettesbasically good guys who impart mini infractions, just to see if they can. Remember that the man doesnt set the standards in a relationship; the woman does. A mans job is to find weaknesses in her relationship armor in order to exploit her resolve in whatever way he can. (Well... it seems that way sometimes.) Your job to stand firm to your principles of

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self-respect, confidence, and love. Lets look at a hypothetical troll situation that is not quite as obvious as Greg and Graces story above. Chances are that this example below demonstrates the troll-speed that is actually showing up in your romantic life... so subtle, in fact, that you likely dont even recognize it. Suppose your boyfriend has not seen you or called you in four days and has not returned any of your text messages. You then notice on his Facebook page that he posted a picture of himself with another girl sitting at a sporting event from yesterday. You are annoyed and upset... but arent sure if the girl is just a friend or a romantic interest. He finally calls you at about 8:00 that night. He says in a loving, seductive voice, I miss you babe. Can you come over? You are excited that he called; it means he is not with the girl in the pictures, and you are dying to see him and craving his lovin. You know better than to race right over after his bad behavior this week. What to say.... what to say... oh... I know! Well I dont have much gas in my car and Im starving. Can you come get me to go to dinner? Im really hungry and havent eaten all day! This time he speaks in a very convincing, apologetic way. Oh babe I just had three beers and shouldnt drive! Im sorry babe. I can order pizza or something. Whatever you want, babe. Can you just stop for gas real quick and come over? Dont make me beg, babe. Im craving you and I miss you... <pause> Okay, Goddess. you have a decision to make. Take a moment to let all of the dirty little details play out in your mind: I miss him ....... he hasnt seen me.......no texts.........no calls......... sporting event yesterday........with some girl..........post on Facebook .......... finally called me.......... eight pm............ begs me to come

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over.......... no forethought about me......... drinking beer instead......... now cant drive ................ I need to get gas............. at night......... no nice dinner......... order pizza.......... drunk sex......... not much fun......... half-mast...... at best......... breath smell like stale beer......... yuck......... ...... but......... I miss him.... ... ...... hes craving me :)......... he said he missed me......... (awww I miss you too............ ... you... gorgeous... hunk... of... man... love..... ;)................... mmmmmmmmmmmm......... wait......... I miss you babe........ I miss you babe??!! Well...... who the hells fault is THAT??!!) Ah! Yes. I knew you would see it soon enough. ______________________________________________ Pop Quiz In the above scenario, what is the best way to behave this evening that will dramatically increase his respect towards you? Choose the best only goddess answer: a) Let him see what hes been missing! Put on your sexy-mama outfit that shows off your cleavage and tight abs, go over, and have insanely awesome sex with him. Have pizza after, but make sure he buys. b) Go over and eat pizza but dont have sex with him c) Get lost. Ignore him. Completely. d) Have phone sex with him so at least he wont sleep with the Facebook girl and you can keep your dignity by not going over. e) Dont go over! Call him out on his crap! Let him know you saw the picture of him with the ugly bitch on his Facebook page then hang up on him and dont talk to him for a week; that will let him know you mean business! ______________________________________________

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I hope that the answer (c) is obvious. Actually, in an ideal goddess-world, you wouldnt even answer his call... at 8:00pm... after his hiatus that week and ambiguous Facebook post. You would just get lost... silently and uneventfully. However, if you do answer his call, be cool. If he is drunk, you have permission to mess with him... just a little, and just for a minute. Try throwing some Brady Bunch quotes into your discussion. That is always great fun. Aww... golly Peter... drunk sex and pizza sound way-far-out-and-groovy and all! But you were such a welcher this week and I already have swell plans for tonight. When he ask you who Peter is or why you are talking like a Brady, just yell, Oh, my nose! and hang up. (My apologies to those too young to remember the Brady Bunch...) Then... get lost. Get on with your own life. He might not chase after you. But if he truly does love youas you are so stringently convincedhe WILL find you and make every effort to win you back. What can you do to ease your heartbreak in the meantime? Oh yeah... That. First, as long as you refrain from donning a spiteful, angry, or rude attitude, getting lost from his life will exponentially increase not only his respect for you, but also his desire for you. So relax... knowing that your inner-cave-girl will try to get you to believe otherwise; she will stir up all kinds of crazy reasons why you should at least just talk to him or think, Im not a mean person! I just cant shut him out. I feel so guilty! It is precisely these kinds of cave-girl thoughts that make most girls give up too easily. Sadly, they cave and go back after he ups the ante on his why are you doing this to me? factors. You know the ones I mean, right? The ones involving him sticking out his bottom lip and looking at you with his big,

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sad Pound-Puppy eyes. Heres a few other things he will say to try to get you to doubt your resolve: Why are you behaving this way? Why are you acting like I dont matter anymore? How can you be so cold, after everything weve been through? Dont you love me anymore? I dont even know you anymore. I already said I was sorry! Why cant you just forgive me? Why are you holding such a grudge? I just made a mistake. I swear Ive learned my lesson. Youre the one who has treated me bad! I said I was sorry and you still want to argue. <blah... blah... blah... blah... Goddess, take another look at these statements above. Every one of them is designed to shift the blame off himself and his rotten behaviorand put it on you instead. This is a hallmark of the troll; he ends up blaming you for the relationship difficulties and ups the ante when you start setting boundaries. If he is still in this mode then there is more ego to be broken down. He needs to go back into the oven for a while. (Oven= distance). None of us like to watch the man we love suffer. It breaks our hearts to know that they are hurting. I totally get that. Please keep in mind, however, that all of his behaviors here are just signs that the process is working. Because without a thorough dismantling of his ego that prompted him to behave like a jerk in the first place, he will subconsciously know that your personal resolve to stop tolerating his bullshit isnt really your personal resolve at all; it is more like a lowering of your tolerance. If you DO take him back at this point, you will

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actually reinforced his trollish behavior... and practically guarantee it will happen again. Next time you will have a much harder time setting those boundaries, and making him believe that you mean it. Use this time away from him to dive into your passions and interests. Doing so will immediately put you into a more excited and joyful space, which, of course, is highly attractive energy. Another thing you can do to help break unhealthy attachment is to start dating more than one man at a time... and dont commit to any one of them. (Gasp!! Im sorry... could you repeat that? It sounded like you wanted me to date more than one man at a time...?) Yes! That is exactly right. Dating more than one man will help you stay neurologically autonomous from any one particular suitor. Notice, please, that I wrote dating more than one man. I did not write sleeping with more than one man. There is no reason to hop in bed with a guy simply because he bought you dinner. This is not an invitation to throw your morals to the wind. It is simply a way for you to stop the neurological madness of unhealthy attachment and try on the notion of staying neurologically detached from any one particular romantic partner. Dating two or more men at once sends the message to your Promiscuity is subconscious that you are not damaging to your selfemotionally bonded to anyone esteem... and on many man in particular; this is a other levels. marvelous way for your newfound goddess to start calling the shots in your love life. Forget all of the societal bull that condemns women who play

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the field. Because those same rules were created when women were viewed as property, chastity belts were in high fashion, and women were not permitted to read. Those rules were meant to control and shape women into dutiful little servants who held no measure of personal power in relationships. The residuals of those notions are felt today in the undercurrent belief that women who play the field are sluts or whores. Nonsense! Women who play the field are wise and in control of their romantic lives. Women who play the field develop the critical thinking, wisdom, and emotional maturity to identify what they truly want in a romantic partner. They are naturally able to expand their horizons beyond the fairytale sufferings that have been crammed down their throats since infancy. Women are waking up to the reality that they are sensual, powerful beings who can create their lives the way they want. It is very important for you to lighten up on your pious pretences that are keeping you romantically dedicated to a jerk. It is important that you wake up from the fairytale delusions that are keeping you stuck, lonely, and awaiting your one and only Prince Charming... who doesnt even exist. Yes, by all means, my dear, play the field! Let yourself be wined and dined by many men. Silently raise your standards as to what you will and will not accept from a romantic partner. Start by practicing these principles with the men who arent emotionally threatening to you as your current heartthrob is. Then setting those boundaries will feel like second nature, and you will be able to implement them when Mr. Right appears. Instead of holding the attitude of, Gee... I hope he likes me... silently adapt the mindset of, So, Buddy... whats in this for me? (Note the word silently.) Stop worrying so much about if or when you will ever get married. Who cares? You have a brilliant life to create and live! Being single is a marvelous thing.

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(Just ask any miserably-married woman.) Let the men in your life pine away after you for a change. Then when you are ready, marry the one you really love, who treats you the way you want to be treated, and who can share with you a life that can support your dreams, goals, and ambitions... while you support his too. Dont dupe yourself into thinking any one man has to be the one. Love is perennialmeaning it always returns. It may appear through a different channel (meaninga different person) than you expect, but love always returns. What stops it from manifesting in our lives is our emotional attachment to a particular person (a.k.a. being too available...) and holding out for Mr. Wrong... who feels like Mr. Right. If you doubt you are doing the right thing by getting lost? Think of Brittney Olson (Shawn Wayans) with her big, clunky, size 14 shoe, manly gait, and horrendous behavior; think about how a millionaire stud fell for her just because of her do-or-die efforts to get lost. Sure, it is Hollywood, but what makes it so funny is that there is truth to it! A man wants the woman he cant control or manipulate. Self-love does not simply mean just that you are making your own money, having regular girls night out, enjoying pedicures and shopping sprees. While all of these can be aspects of a wellbalanced life, what we are really talking about here is a shift in where you draw your love energy and self-esteem. If you make your whole life about his acceptance of you, you will be waiting for a very long time for your life to unfold. I invite you to redefine your standards for not only your romantic life, but for your own life. Start treating yourself with respect, love, and patience as you work through these issues and adapt these principles.

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If you are tempted to rationalize a partners poor behavior, take a step back and reassess. Ask yourself, Would I want my daughter to put up with this? Or, Would Laurel tell me it is okay to put up with this? If the answer to either of these is, No! then silently and uneventfully back away from him... and take another look.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 25 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ask yourself, Would I want my daughter to put up with this? Or, Would Laurel tell me it is okay to put up with this? If the answer to either of these is, No! then silently and uneventfully back away from him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This doesnt just mean back away in person. It also means no texting, no phone calls, and no emails. Dont make up excuses to call or text him. Dont hang out at his favorite nightspot. If circumstances dictate that you must see him (for example, he is in your class, the same social circles, or you work with him), be kind and sociable (meaningdont blatantly ignore him). Just treat him as if you would any other person in that group. Stay extremely interested in other things (a good book, a phone call, whatever... just not him). Keep any interaction short-and-sweet. Smile. Then resume your efforts of distance. Ohand there is no reason whatsoever to explain to him why you are backing away from him. Sadly, I see women over explain themselves all the timeand it never works to their benefit. At the risk of sounding clich, actions speak louder than words. A man who treats a woman poorly in the first place is apt to manipulate, twist, and downplay her effortsespecially if she starts advertising them to him. If you try to explain to him what you are doing, you are essentially handing over your personal power and practically begging him to challenge you. I guarantee that he will turn the whole thing around, and you will end up

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confused and in tears. Sidestep that whole issue; dont tell him anything about your new resolve. Then play dumb when he starts to question why you are acting so weird. ...and busy... you are just so very busy... The less you say (and the more distance you create) when he pulls his shenanigans, the more goddess-like you will be, and the more he will take notice. Stay kind, sweet, and mysterious. Just smile and back up. Love Language: 1. I am learning how to set boundaries... with love. 2. I am learning to be more mysterious in my relationships. 3. I am capable of healthy change. 4. I love myself and it is good to be me. 5. I am raising my standards and reclaiming my self-respect. 6. I do not need to fix him. That is up to him. 7. I feel beautiful, worthy, and lovablewhether or not I have a romantic partner. 8. I create my own self-worth, self-love, and self-respect. 9. Im giving myself the gifts of inner peace and confidence.

Principle Four
A goddess pursues her own goals and life interests.

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_________________________________________________ We can all agree that the sun and the earth are in a relationship. The earth revolves around the sun and creates a force we know as gravity. The sun is a solar nuclear furnace burning at billions of degrees; it exists in such a way that it is constantly drawing the earth towards it. This dynamic is similar to a rubber ball on the end of an elastic string that is swung in a circle. There are two forces of consideration: the centripetal forceor pulling away of the ball from your hand, and the elastic string that is constantly drawing the ball towards it. If either one of these forces were to suddenly fall out of favor (e.g., the string breaks) the rubber ball would fly off in some random direction and a considerable distance away. Or, if you gave the string a jerk, it would bring the ball towards your hand. Should the earth and sun ever dishonor their agreementthat is, should one force become dominant over the other, the earth would either be sucked into the sun or it would fly off into space. Either way, all inhabitants of earth would die. Interestingly, your romantic relationships must follow this same distanceintimacy concept. When it comes to romance, distance is just as important as intimacy. The intimacy, of course, is the time you two spend together. Romantic dinners, making love, cuddling, and watching movies together are all examples of intimacy. Most women love this part. Distance, on the other hand, often brings up resistance in women. Relationship distance means just that: without you he goes over to his buddys house to watch the ballgame; you go with your sister to your yoga class; he goes to the gym to work out; you go to your friends bachelorette party over the weekend; he goes fishing with his brother for the Memorial Day holiday... you get the picture. Relationship distance is something to which many women are downright resistant. (That inner cave-girl will panic without her man!)

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Even in brand new relationships... during that first time period of sizzling passion that feels so heavenly, it is important not to hang around him 24/7. It is crucial for you two to have some distance, especially when the flames have settled down to comfortable embers. Men intuitively know this. Women dont. This is why men pull back when things get too close too fast. Dont belittle him for this; he is brilliant. Like the relationship between the sun and earth, distance and intimacy must balance each other. This is a universal principle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 26 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Like the relationship between the sun and earth, distance and intimacy in our relationships must balance each other. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ooooh... I hear all of the protest now! You want me to spend all that time away from my man? Are you serious? I know this principle was not taught in fairytales. ...and they lived happily ever after! somehow translates into ...and they never left each others side! Truly, these concepts were never taught by our past Victorian dogma generations when women were reduced to bread-baking-baby-makers. Personal interests? What are those? This is sometimes a whole new concept for womenand part of the revolution of personal empowerment, enlightenment, and romantic connection that will bathe our world in the energies of love. But we need to first drop the stuff that just isnt Hint: get lost once working and be willing to follow in a while. He doesnt the universal principles that run always need to know the everything from the alignment of when, where, how long, and whys about your life. the planets to the blooming of flowers. The principle of balance is everywhere in the matrix of life.

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People breathe in, they must also breathe out. The ocean ebbs, the ocean flows. The sun rises, the sun sets. Having only intimacy in your relationship is the same as only trying to breathe in all the time. It doesnt work. Distance and intimacy must be in balance in order to have a long lasting, passionate relationship. There is no way around this. So before you recoil to this idea of time together should equal time apart, think of the couples you know who are constantly togetherto the point that they exclude the pursuit of individual interests. Even if there are some good aspects to their relationship, constantly being together is a formula for disenchantment: the attraction wanes, the sparks dwindle, and the magic reduces to routines and predictability. It cant help but do so because it dishonors one of the fundamental laws that holds this universe together. This also means that your intimate times are times for true intimacy. Ladies, this is NOT the time to act reserved, nonchalant, or disinterested. Be fully present with him. Keep your heart open. Enjoy him. Connect with him. Love him. Kindly. Sweetly. Passionately. Vulnerably. Just be sure to own these qualities from a confident and centered space. Couples can practice the distance principle even while living in the same house. You see, this has not so much to do with physical distance as it does with simply being interested in your own respective lives and interests. Perhaps you hike with friends while he works on his truck. Perhaps you work in the garden while he goes out to shoot some hoops. You stop at the gym after work instead of racing right home to him. You go out to lunch with your sister while he goes to the pub to watch the football game. To be clear, this lifestyle does not denote a purposeful ignoring

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of each other (for that would be highly destructive) but a genuine interest in your own life and allowing him to have an interest in his. Relationship distance possibly goes against everything you have learned about love thus far. Even if you think you are openminded and independent, you still have some tugs at your heartstrings if the guy that you really like decides to take off for Las Vegas for the weekend to celebrate his buddys birthday. Of course, your inner cave-girl rears her fearful head with thoughts of being away from her man. Arguably, his being away from her not only increased her chances of death, it increased his chances of procreating with other cave women; not something the cave-girl took too lightly! Nowadays, women dont need to be with a man 24/7 for survival. Nowadays too, among his many other evolved brain functions, he has something called a frontal lobe (the area behind the forehead). The frontal lobe gives humans the ability to set priorities, make plans, and think through consequences of actions. So unless he is pathological, brain-damaged, or just downright stupid, he is not going to stray from a perfectly healthy, loving relationship with you, a goddess of a woman, who gives him too much space to begin with. Further, if he does decide to sleep around or chase other women while youre not babysitting him, then please, for your own sake, have the self-respect, confidence, and common sense to move on... away from him. Then watch how fast he changes his tune. Vocal cords respond poorly while choking on dust. A man like that doesnt need a goddesshe needs a cave girl. Or five. Blah... hes not for you. On the other side of this same coin, it is no longer sensible to expect a man to behave in a certain way in order to quell your

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jealousy or fear in the relationship. That thinking went out with chastity belts. It is up to you to develop your own sense of self-worth and self-respectnecessary to abolish your jealousy in the first place. (More on this in Chapter Eleven). Do you want to smother the passion or fan the flames? Do you want sexual boredom or intimate intrigue? Do you want a short-term fling or an enduring love? Honor the distance. Dont be so available to him. Men are attracted to women they cant control or predict. Get interested in your own life. Make your own money. Get your own education. Go within and Create for yourself address the jealousy and fear a beautiful life that you love living. Dont wait for that has been only serving to a man to do that for you. repel himthen be genuinely delighted to see him and treat him with kindness and respect when you do. As you free yourself up emotionally and balance out the energies in your romantic life, it creates an ability to set your bed on fire. Hubba hubba! Whose in? Remember, if you are shaming and blaming as he seeks his distance time, he is going to lose sexual interest in you. Even if you are a hot-to-trot sex kitten, he will lose interest if you pull the guilt card or emotionally smother him. Its just his nature.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 27 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Even if she is a hot-to-trot sex kitten, he will lose interest in a woman who smothers him or guilts him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Men need freedom. Period. A man must be able to pursue a woman in order to remain sexually aroused by her. Implementing the distance-intimacy balance is one of the easiest ways to keep that passion going between you. Of course,

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no one likes to be stuck with someone out of guilt. He would rather be with a girl who is far less attractive... but gives him his space to breathe. Instead of being upset about your partner wanting time to himself, be grateful for the room to breathe. Make a list of fun and/or productive things you could do in your own time too. If you cant think of any, therein lies the problem! You MUST become more interested in your own life than you are in his. Ideally, you will be so interested in your own life that he is drawn to you by sheer intrigue. The human race is shifting into a new understanding of love. We are dropping the old ball-and-chain paradigm of marriage and embracing the virtues of trust, appreciation, and freedom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 28 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The human race is shifting into a new understanding of love. We are dropping the old ball-and-chain paradigm of marriage and embracing the virtues of trust, appreciation, and freedom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those women (and men) who choose to hold tightly to ideas of losing oneself for the sake of a relationship may find themselves lonely and passionless. Those who embrace them will find a whole new world of love is possible. You must honor one of the fundamental laws of the universe that keeps our solar system aligned. You must honor the distance-intimacy balance in your romantic relationships. Practice living from a space of continual allowing, which ultimately gives him freedom of choice to be with you or not. While this possibly could mean that he will choose the latter, know that no amount of neediness, smothering, or guilt will keep a man eagerly at your side. If he does stay at your side

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because of these reasons, he will silently begin to resent you. This is a breeding ground for affairs, alcoholism, or sexual coldness... and who wants that? If you find yourself here, not to worry... you do have the power to change it. Further, no matter what you currently believe about yourself, you are a lovely woman with many gifts for the world. In fact, just by reading this chapter you have shifted your awarenessa powerful move in the right direction. Is it not refreshing to know that your one and only job is to return to peace and love in each moment?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 29 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ No matter what you currently believe, you are a lovely woman with many gifts for the world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While we are on that subject, in the early stages of relationships, it is fairly normal for men to suddenly back up for seemingly no reason at all. They do this not only to test you to see if you still like him, but to reassure himself that he still has his freedom. Thus, if he feels that you two are getting too comfortable, he might just pull backor disappear for awhile. A pushover will respond by dumping her fear and expectations all over him and kill any potential for that relationship progressing. I would rather see you throw your phone in the trash than to see you ruin a perfectly good romantic connection by overloading him with text messages and expectations... especially, since all he is likely doing is taking an energetic breather. How do you avoid being a pushover when he finally decides to come around? Again, your job is to stay interested in your own life. Date other men. Remind yourself of the amazing life you are creating for yourself. So... guess what? You barely notice the time that has gone by since you have seen him; then when he

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calls, he will hear only your happy-go-lucky self answering the phone. The unspoken message comes across loud and clear. He will think, Wait... shes not even upset that I didnt call her? Hmmm... Thats a first. Maybe she doesnt like me as much as I thought... Kudos, Sister! You have just gotten the attention of his inner-hunter. Again, when he does finally contact you (after ignoring you for two weeks) answer the phone sweetly and then politely decline his invitation to get together on such short notice. Suggest a time a few days away. Wednesday evening would work much better for me. If he argues with you, simply say, Yeah... well figure it out. Im going to play tennis [or insert your hobby here]. Gotta run! Then get busyuntil Wednesday! You are just not there yet? Thats okay... read on! Honoring the distance-intimacy balance will drastically improve the passion in your relationships. Just be sure to implement the balance with kindness. Many girls cop an attitude. They tsk!, roll their eyes and become short with him in conversation. Bad idea! You look pathetic when you pull thatand you are not fooling anyone. He knows you are upset with him. (Paraphrase: he has all the power.) Besides, it should feel good to him to be around you; then he will want to be around you more often. A man who doesnt feel trapped with a girl will have a rocket in his pocket for her all the time because he can only get to her half of that time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 30 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It should feel good to him to be around you; then he will want to be around you more often. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If he starts to question you on your strange new behavior, just play dumb. Whatever you do, DONT spill and tell him why

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you are no longer behaving like a pushover. In other words, DONT say, Oh, Im so glad you asked! Im reading this book that helps me become a goddess. It tells me that I need to get interested in my own life and not hang around you so much so you will think Im more attractive and since I love you so much Im willing to try anything to make you love me. <Insert crashand-burn sound here.> As crazy as this sounds, when I first started instructing women on these principles, you would not believe how many of them actually said things like this to their partners! Sadly, this approachwhich stems from fear and a need to pleaseconsistently destroys any chance of these relationships ever working. Not only is saying something like this a radical undoing of any empowerment effort thus far, from that point on he will look at everything she does with a suspicious eye. Of course, it becomes that much harder for her to trigger his inner-hunter. Dont fall into the belief that this relationship is different. That he is different. That it is totally okay for you to follow your emotions on this one because you know he is the one. You might even say, To hell with the goddess principles! I want to tell him everything! I want him to know everything about me! I want to share my every secret and dream with him! Him! Him! HIM! Because that approach, my dear, will get you back to singlehood faster than he can crack open a beer and ignore your phone call. A man doesnt want you or need you to divulge your deepest, darkest secrets. Ladies, it is never about, I just am being totally honest so we dont have any secrets between us! (Gag... you are not still buying that 1950s white picket fence crap, are you?) THAT is called being a pushover. A doormat. A mattress. You create zero mystery if you ascribe to the no secrets between us because I love him so much theory Acting this way will make him lose interest because there will be nothing further to explore in you. Then

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what? You rationalize his disinterest with all of those selfdepreciating falsehoods (Im ugly. Im frumpy. I dont matter.) None of which are remotely true. Consider the following scenario: Little Billy was a happy eightyear-old boy who loved exploring the forest behind his house. He often went out for hours, digging up worms, plucking caterpillars from dewy leaves, chasing butterflies, collecting shiny rocks, catching big, fat bullfrogs and slithery garden snakes. One sunny Sunday morning, Billy bounded out of bed. He dressed quickly and ran down the stairs for his breakfast. Why are you in such a hurry? asked his loving and kindhearted mother. Im gonna go exploring in the woods today! He almost shouts with a big grin. Im gonna catch worms and caterpillars and FROGS! Im gonna get shiny rocks and butterflies and a whole bunch of other neat stuff! His mother smiles at Little Billy, as if she has a great secret. Oh, my sweet Billy! You dont need to go exploring today! I love you so much that I got up early today and went exploring for you! She then places a large box with tiny holes punched in the top of it on the table in front of him. Look! I collected all the shiniest rocks, caught the prettiest butterflies, and even caught a frog for you! See how much I love you? Now you can stay inside and spend the WHOLE day with me! Yay! Arent you excited? This is essentially what you are doing if you are exposing all of your secrets and trying to be everything to your man. Get this, Goddess: the only thing standing between your old, crestfallen, heartbroken self and your sensual, alluring, empowered self is a bit of confidence and a healthy dose of mystery!

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Love Language: 1. My life is full of excitement, passion, and joy! 2. I create a healthy balance of distance and intimacy. 3. I trust the process of love. I dont need to control it. 4. I make these changes quietly; I keep my intentions to myself. 5. I pursue my own life interests and goals. 6. I love feeling so energized about my own life! 7. It feels good to make healthy, positive changes in my life. 8. I am creating a fun and interesting life!
9. I love being me

Principle Five
A goddess walks away from misfit men.

___________________________________________________

A goddess sets relationship boundaries not with harsh words, yelling, or giving the cold shoulder, but by simply walking awayand staying awayfrom misfit men. A goddess wont ever try to fix: a man. No matter how counterintuitive this all seems, men adore women of few words and self-assured action. He respects a woman who behaves like this. He will ditch his friends for a woman like this. He will dream of marrying a woman like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 31 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A goddess sets boundaries by simply walking away (and staying away) from misfit men. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If a man behaves like a troll, walk away from him. Most women will fundamentally understand the importance of this principle. But some of you may have a hard time with it. Emotional memory (also called cellular memory) refers to the events and past experiences that have shaped our understanding of life. Emotional memory influences the way we interact with others, our tolerance level for troll-like behavior, and, in fact the very way we perceive behaviors of our romantic partners. For example, if a woman was raised in a household where there is a lot of yelling, disrespect, and domestic violence, these behaviors are normalized for herand thus become part of her emotional memory. She will likely find that these same patterns show up in her romantic relationships later in life. Many people understandably harbor resentment and anger over past traumas. They often feel they were cheated out of a normal childhood. Sometimes life can seem downright unfair, with no rhyme or reason to it. If you are a trauma survivor and are overwhelmed with resentment, self-doubt, and other negative emotions that is completely understandable. There is an unseen benefit, however, that may offer you some comfort: in the mental health world, there is a concept called Post Traumatic Growth. Post Traumatic Growth denotes the phenomenon of people emotionally, mentally, and spiritually growing far beyond their pre-traumatic functioning. In fact, people who have had horrible childhoods or bad life experiences actually have some distinct advantages over people who have had lily-white, easygoing, and perfect and wonderful childhoods. Trauma

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survivors tend to have greater emotional depth, compassion, wisdom, and insight than their lily-white childhood counterparts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 32 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We can glean tremendous strength, compassion, insight, and wisdom from our past traumas and heartaches. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Empathy, intuition, and adaptability are also seen in those who have overcome traumatic life experiences to a much greater degree compared to those who have not. Post Traumatic Growth notwithstanding, it is human nature to seek healing from past heartaches and disappointments. This is precisely why the daughter of an alcoholic will fall madly in love with a man who just so happens to be an alcoholic. Her feelings are not love at all, but a matching up of damaged emotional patterns that resonate with her emotional memory woundedness. We mistake this matching up of damaged emotional patterns for love. This is partly because the human brains tendency to match emotional patterns is part of our survival instinct. Emotional memory is a powerful force that you must become aware of in your own life if you truly want to improve your romantic relationships. In our example above, this womans emotional memory dictates that this alcoholic man has potential to correct the difficult experiences that were Ever wonder why you only like jerks who energetically set at an earlier treat you like dirt? Two time in her life by her fathers words: Emotional memory. (or mothers) alcoholism. In other words, she will be attracted to a man who provides similar emotional patterns to

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what she experienced as a child. This could show up in any number of ways: him disrespecting her, physically or verbally abusing her, neglecting her, to name a few. Instead of recognizing her emotional memory wounds as the reason for her attracting him into her life in the first place, she will spend the bulk of the relationship complaining, coercing, and lamenting about his treatment of her. She does this because she possesses an intrinsic drive to fix what is broken. This is not to downplay his terrible behavior or treatment of hernot at all. It is simply to exemplify the unrecognized power that she has within her. It is to empower you to recognize that your emotional memory wounds play a much bigger part in your life results that you know, and you have the power to implement profound growthnot just in spite of itbut because of it. Subconsciously, we seek to create desired changes in our current realities. This is part of our cave man to modern-man survival pattern. Our sweet little lady here subconsciously believes that favorable change in her current alcoholic relationship will correct her past traumas and merit her worthiness; her past suffering will obtain recognition and her childhood traumas will finally be exonerated. Alas, it rarely works this way. In fact, should her alcoholic husband work his way to sobriety, and if she has not done significant emotional work on her own past issues, she will fall out of love with him very quickly. She will rationalize her falling out of love by saying, I guess he has just hurt me too much already! Its too late... Boy, she will have a posse of supporters to validate her. However, the bare-bones truth is that her emotional memory will suddenly be out of sync with his now sober energetic pattern, which will only leave her subconsciously longing for another alcoholic to fix. She may even have an affair on her (now sober) husband, which she

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rationalizes because of the poor treatment she has received from him in the past. She completely forgets that she chose him in the first place. This is but one example of how emotional memory shows up in our current relationships. For many people, emotional memory needs are rampant. Emotional memory needs are selfish, demanding, and masters of disguise. This is no ones fault; it is simply spawned from evolved brain processes of our archaic survival instincts. Emotional memory may also show up as an immediate and intense attraction to another... which is sometimes what we experience as love at first sight. Emotional memory needs are also very tricky. People have turned their lives upside down to succumb to them. Drug, alcohol, food, and relationship addictions are almost exclusively run from emotional memory. People marry for emotional memory and some married persons will subconsciously seek affairs that hold promise of fulfillmentall spawned fromyou guessed itemotional memory. Lets look at the Hollywood love scene for a moment where divorce, love affairs, and new marriages every few years (or few months) are almost expected. Why? Well, first, it takes an incredible amount of self-awareness to make it to the silver screen. It takes a commitment of honoring oneself, of putting oneself before all others, and a tireless perseverance to follow dreams to fruition. Such dedication screams that one is aware of and honors her deepest desires and one is used to living from her passions and dreams. Now, society certainly doesnt dictate that dreams be followed so passionately. This same passion that drives an actress to the silver screen while ignoring the societal standard of go to work and live paycheck to paycheck takes over when she falls head over heels for a man who, by societal

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standards, is unavailable. Of course, she may be falling due to her emotional memory patterns, but lets face itthose emotional memory love affairs feel so damn good, who wants to stop? Her me first perceptions are what dictates her following her heart (or really, her neurons and peptides in her brain which attracts her to him) and she will follow these patterns all the way to his bedroom. Hell, shell follow them all the way down the aisleno matter who gets their heart broken in the process. This is not a slam of actors; many of them embody these same principles with philanthropist pursuits and charitable organizations. Lets get back to your experience of emotional memory, and how it can impact your life. Your emotions are generated within your own body, in reaction to certain stimuli. This is always the case. This is also why changing the emotional environment within brings better experiences without. Suppose that a woman finds out that her fianc is cheating on her; she understandably becomes consumed with anger and jealousy. Technically, his cheating did not create these bad feelings; they were essentially created within herfrom her own emotional memory and expectations of engagement. Even more importantly, how did she fall in love with a man who had potential to cheat? Of course, this was not a conscious choice, but the choice was still made and must be considered a significant piece of her relationship puzzle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 33 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Change within brings lasting change without. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know this concept seems completely backward, but it really is not. I am not suggesting that your feelings are invalid; they absolutely are valid. In fact, if you ever had a lover cheat on you

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or leave you for someone else, reacting with anger, resentment, and jealousy is perfectly normal. However, consider this: if these experiences show up in your life, you have an opportunity to transcend them. The strength of character, spiritual muscle, and wisdom you will glean from addressing your emotional memories and overcoming jealousy, anger, and resentment is invaluable. My father has always been an extremely calm and loving dad. When we were kids, he never spanked us, yelled at us, or scared us in any way. He never dreamed of hurting or criticizing my mother either. Thus, I grew up with the understanding that men are calm, respectful, and kind. They never raise their voice or act aggressively (except when they needed to, say, chase off his daughters psycho ex-boyfriend with a crowbar, which Dad did more than once.) Thus with men, I developed the emotional memory that they are kind-hearted, gentle beings who would do anything to protect me. These emotional memory patterns hold several observable outcomes for me. First, I have never had to endure the torments of domestic violence in a relationship. The times that I did date a potentially violent man, the relationship never gelled. Several years ago, I was at a nightclub with a few girlfriends. I met a handsome guy named James. He bought me a drink and we talked for a few minutes. I was quite taken with his looks, charm, and sense of humor, but soon I realized that I didnt really feel comfortable with him. In fact, he kind of gave me the creeps. I excused myself to rejoin my friends on the other side of the club. While I was walking away, James grabbed my hand and yanked me back to him, spilling my drink. You better come back and talk to me laterand dont talk to any other guys or it will break my heart.

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Let go of me! I demanded. He looked at me perplexed. Im just trying to let you know how much I like you! Let go of me! I said, again, working to pull my hand free (which was no easy task.) Im not coming back to talk to you! Why not? He finally loosened his grip and gave me the saddest look he could muster. Well, Ive barely known you for five minutes and youve already manhandled me and given me two ultimatums! I was just joking! he protested. I didnt wait around to hear it. I disappeared into the crowd as fast as I could, muttering to myself What a jerk! He hurt my hand... that idiot. As IF Id ever go out with him! Creep... An hour later, I saw a beautiful young girl talking to James. Actually, she was all over him. They were talking intimately, kissing, laughing, and hugging. I remember thinking, What in the hell does she see in him? He is a jerk and a control freak! Of course, now I understand that this is EXACTLY what she saw in him: he is a jerk and a control freak. She probably went home and told her friends, Oh my gosh! I met the most amazing guy! We have a date tomorrow. I like him so much! Do we need to guess what that relationship looked like a few months down the road? I will tell you this muchit involved at least a few bruises and him minimizing, downplaying, and blaming her for his aggressive behavior. Why was she attracted to him and I was not? My educated guess is that this young lady had a controlling, possibly abusive adult figureprobably male (though could have been female) in her past. She was recreating this dynamic through an attraction to James, based on his immediate nuances of

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aggression and control. Another way our emotional memory shows up is perfectly depicted in Randy Travis hit song of 1986, Diggin Up Bones. In this song, Randy sings about his failed marriage.: Im resurrecting memories of a love thats dead and gone. So tonight Im sittin alone, diggin up bones. One of the reasons this song became such a big hit is the Diggin up bones is uncanny ability of everyone to an example of how relate to it. Diggin up bones emotional memory can shows up in a number of ways. preoccupy our present You may consistently mull over thoughts and dictate behaviors. a past lover who broke your heart. You may text or email him with a random thought or question (oh come on... you didnt really need to ask him that, right?) You may even ruminate with friends over coffee or wine, much to their boredom over hearing the story again! Diggin up bones does nothing but keep a woman stuck and pining away after Mr. Wrong. His natural reaction, of course, is to back up and act like a jerk... because his inner-hunter no longer needs to chase her and she is now a perceived threat to his freedom. In turn, his actions perpetuate her false belief that love is a painful experience and that she is somehow jinxed in romance. Not true. She is simply uninformed in romance. Just what constitutes relationship bones? Truly there is going to be some variance with every situation, but if he is not returning your calls, texts, or emails, and he is not oversees at war, in jail, in a coma, or otherwise unable to communicate with you, consider him to be relationship bones. It is almost impossible for a man to stay away from a woman he loves... or even likes.

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If he loves you, he will find a way back to youeven if you stop speaking to him when he starts acting like a jackass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 34 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It is almost impossible for a man to stay away from a woman he loves... or even likes. If he loves you, he will find a way back to you-even if you stop speaking to him when he starts acting like a jackass. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other words, if he has made himself scarce for seemingly no reason, and you havent heard from his own mouth, I really want to work this out with you! then consider the possibility that he doesnt. That or he is too broken to show up in an authentic way for you. You dont want a man like that. That man turns into a perpetual project and can consume your entire life. Providing he even has the desire to fix his life, he needs to be willing to do the work to fix himself. You cant do that for himanymore than you can eat for him, shower for him, exercise for him, take vitamins for him, earn a college degree for him, or use the toilet for him. This is one of those things that he must do on his own and under his own volitionnot yours. Now, this in no way means that you should strong-arm or ignore your true feelings; if you miss him and you need to work through that, then it is important to do so in an authentic way. But diggin up bones doesnt help you work through love loss. Diggin up bones only serves to temporarily feed the neuromemories that house his imprints (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell of him) within your brain and nervous system. So yes, diggin brings fleeting relief, partly because some areas of your brain dont know that he is not really present when you think about him. Unfortunately, though, it also only serves to tangle you more and more into the dysfunctional patterns: the more

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you think about your lost love, the stronger these neuropatterns become. Because the pattern is cyclical (i.e. the more I think about him, the more I miss him... the more I miss him, the more I think about him) we can consider this an emotional addiction. Its time to relinquish the shovel. Let the bones rest. One of the driving forces behind our propensity to dig up bones is the belief that we will never find another love like him! This is labeled a false belief because God (The Universe, etc...) does not take away love for the purpose of our suffering. The love pain is there for the soul purpose of you growing beyond your current understanding and propelling you forward on your path of enlightenment. If you are willing to do the work, the spiritual freedom that comes from this lesson is the most precious gift you will ever give yourself. At this point, you may not be buying into all that... am I right? Thats okay, just be open to the idea that there is a higher reason youre going through this heartache. Whatever negative emotions are showing up for you now are signals of your emotional memory patterns that are making their way up to consciousness for healing. Neurologically speaking, there are literal brain processes that prompt a woman to hang on to old love. This predisposition has helped humankind survive and evolve... anthropologically speaking. No matter how unproductive, it is perfectly normal for you to revisit memories-of-old. Yet just because it is normal does not mean it is healthy. For example, at one time, having the disease Small Pox was normal! This was because more than 60% of the worlds population had it. So by definition, it was normal, but not healthy. It is also possible that you have a subconscious (or conscious) fear that if you truly let him go, it will blow any chance of

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working it out with him in the future. This is patently FALSE because letting him go is truly the best chance youve for the relationship to really work. If you two are truly meant to be together then it will work out between you. Nothing on Gods green earth will stop that processexcept (ironically) your expectations and emotional attachment. I know this seems like a cruel jokethat you need to detach before love can returnbut it really isnt a joke. Its a soul lesson. Love never springs from desperation. You no longer need to torture yourself with a constant barrage of his memories. Make a conscious choice in every moment to shift your thoughts from forlorn memories of him to happier thoughts that love and support yousuch as your own life pursuits and personal interests. At the same time, recognize that a romantic breakup is a very real loss. It needs to be treated as such. Its important for you to give yourself permission to acknowledge your grief... and, like any significant loss, give yourself time to heal from it. Women are neurologically programmed to hang on to past love relationships. This can be really damaging to her self-esteem. Whenever you are tempted to contact an old flame, reread this chapter. Then focus on your personal dreams and goals... and stay busy until the urge to contact him subsides. The good news is that you are not doomed to live out your emotional memory patterns for the rest of your days. With a little awareness of what your past wounds are, you can respond to present-day emotional triggers in a healthier and more goddess-like way. With some clearing work, you can create more harmonious emotional patterns, which ultimately lead to better life results. This means that the type of man that you are attracted to will changefor the better.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 35 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You are not doomed to live out your emotional memory patterns for the rest of your days. With a little awareness of what your past wounds are, you can respond to current triggers in a healthier, more goddess-like way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thing that keeps most women stuck in past relationships is the lack of finality of that relationship. It doesnt feel over for them as part of their brain doesnt know that he is really gone. One thing you can do to help you over this hurdle is to sit down in quiet thought and write out a eulogy for the love thats dead and gone. This may sound crazy, but this exercise is helpful on many levels. First, writing a eulogy for your deadand-gone romantic relationship will help your brain get that it is really over. Like pulling the knife out, yes, it will hurt. But once the knife is out, you can heal. You can release your emotional attachments, move out of limbo and back into your space of personal power. Mind youthis exercise will not doom a relationship that is meant to be lived in this lifetime. All it will do is help you to stop your useless pining, release your attachments, regain your personal power, and help you to create a much more attractive energynot only to your ex, but to other potential romantic partners. This also means that if you two are destined to rekindle your love, you will be able to do so from a fresh, new space and you will be able to show up without your emotional attachments and expectations gumming things up for you. Like at a real funeral, you will probably cry and experience the pain of letting go. But it is vitally important that you allow these feelings to come up and out... and that you set this mark

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of finality. This exercise subconsciously gives you permission to move forward with your life. Like I mentioned, if it is truly in the stars for you two to be together, this exercise will not stop that process. However, before that relationship can receive grace, you must be willing to release your emotional attachments. Get a handle on your exhausted expectations of this guy ever giving more to you Stop picking up the slack for his lack of than he is currently giving. You involvement in the are worth so much more than relationship. Only a that. Stop pining away after a pushover does that. deadbeat boyfriend. You must let go before the energy of love can enter into the situation and bring any measure of healing. In fact, letting him go gives you the best chance of revival of that relationship. You are a lovely and loving woman, meant to experience a beautiful and fulfilling romantic relationship. In order for this reality to manifest, you must identify and clear your emotional blocks and realign your intentions and energy with love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 36 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You are a lovely and loving woman, meant to experience a beautiful and fulfilling romantic relationship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take a mental inventory of your past relationships. Then ponder the following questions: What behavioral patterns do you notice in the men you like? What emotions seem to repeat themselves in your relationships? Do you feel worthy of his love?

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Do you feel like he owes you something? Do you typically give more to the relationship than he does? What do you fear would happen if you stopped trying so hard? The Tapping into Love Workbook will help you explore these questions and give you EFT scripts to help you clear emotional blocks related to these issues. Though not always pleasant, taking the time to increase our self-awareness holds the key to a better way of life. We must own our misgivings, misperceptions, and emotional stuckness before we can truly let these things go and move on to something better. Sometimes, simply becoming aware of these stuck points is all it takes; awareness brings with it the power of choice. We can choose to see ourselves differently. We can choose to create better thought patterns about ourselves. We can choose to let go of worn out expectations, and disempowering beliefs. When we do this, we open ourselves up to receive grace... to receive healing... and open ours lives to better possibilities. One of the goals of this chapter is for you to become more aware of your emotional attachment patterns. This isnt to blame or shame you for them, but simply to raise your level of awareness so you can purposefully create better results for your future. Another goal of this chapter is to empower you to walk away from misfit men... a term used loosely to describe any man who treats women poorly. Be aware, however, that almost any bona fide misfit can morph into a perfect gentleman with the right female influence. Contrary to the pushovers belief, this type of transformation almost always requires your absence. It requires that you dont act in ways that suggest you are trying too hard. For instance, if you show up at the gym with fresh makeup, a new workout outfit, a matching hair tie and earrings, you are trying too hard. You will come across as a pushover.

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The goddess never tries too hard. She shows up at the gym in an old tee shirt, her hair pulled back in a careless ponytail, no makeup and no earrings. She doesnt run to the ladies room to fix her face every few minutes. She is 1000% focused on her workout, because this is what serves her in that moment. She runs on the treadmill and sweats like a donkey in Ecuador and could give a flying fingernail about how she looks to anyone. She is centered, but not conceited. She is self-focused, but friendlysmiling and saying hi when he walks by, asking for a spot if she needs it, and spots him if he asks. Compare the pushover versus the goddess in the above gym scenario. Which version do you tend to be? Do you think you look fat in your workout outfit? Do you check to make sure your abs look toned in the mirror before heading out to the weight room? Do you wear your push-up bra to the gym? If so, rethink your approach, and pull yourself back into your personal power. You dont need a perfect body, a perfect face, a perfect ANYTHING to be a goddess... except an intrinsic knowing of your true value. You need only to show up in the loving version of yourself... the authentic (real) version of yourself... the kindhearted version of yourself. This takes some time to getbecause a pushover who tries too hard to come across like a goddess is still a pushover... who is trying to come across like a goddess. Thats no good. She is still trying too hard. Her focus is still on the outside world and worry about how he perceives her. Take note of your daily thoughts about yourself and your life. Begin to pay attention to your automatic thoughts about yourself and the way you relate to men. Pay attention to the thoughts you have about yourself in relation to other women. (Do you compare yourself to them?) Dont judge these thoughts. Simply become aware of them. Write them down.

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The goal is to increase your personal awareness and identify the subconscious influences that have shaped your understanding of how you fit into and interact with the romantic matrices of life. This awareness will be hugely helpful as you incorporate and implement more goddess-like thought patterns and behaviors. Chapter Eight discusses the actual brain processes involved with the mental stress of romantic breakups. It also gives ten powerful suggestions to help you reduce anxiety and create happier brain chemistry. But dont skip ahead... there is more to learn first. Love Language: 1. I am gentle with myself on this healing journey. 2. All of my feelings are valid; it is good for me to own them. 3. I welcome joy and abundance in every moment. 4. My past struggles have given me compassion, insight, and strength. 5. I am embracing my inner peace. 6. I no longer care what others think of me. I can just be myself. 7. I am attracting new and exciting life experiences. 8. I love myself and my life! 9. I am more than good enough!

Principle Six
A goddess is easygoing, pleasant and relaxed.

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___________________________________________________

Are you a guilt monster? Most women use guilt to coerce their partners and see nothing wrong with it. Sadly, in many respects, guilt is one of the most destructive human emotions. Dictionary.com defines guilt as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. Pay attention to the whether real or imagined here. Inappropriate guilt is often at play in romantic relationships. But guilt, in and of itself, isnt a bad emotion. Guilt is actually a higher-functioning brain process that has helped mankind survive. Guilt keeps people from harming each other, from robbing banks, and committing other acts of destruction. Guilt only becomes a problem when we misuse it to manipulate others, or turn it inwardonto ourselves. Inappropriate guilt is taking on a dramatically magnified sense of it for relatively small, usually harmless infractions. An example of this is a woman who feels guilty for not leaving a big enough tip for her waiter at a restaurantand she toils about it all day, wondering if she should go back to give him a couple extra dollars.. This book wont get too much into the how and why some people experience inappropriate guiltjust that it may stem from childhood emotional memory wounds of unresolved guilt, which definitely deserve a second look. If you experience inappropriate guilt in your current life, and you find that you toil over things you say, things you do, and how other people might perceive your actions, take some time to see if you can identify the emotional root of these tendencies. Look for the pools of guilt so to speak in your past that still bother you. Make a personal commitment to letting them go. You can simply try closing your eyes and say aloud, Im letting this go. Watch those painful memories float away, up to the sky, and into the universe, where they transform into pure love and

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light. Note that if your childhood guilt seems to be overwhelming to you, or you are struggling to let go of past emotional pain, I encourage you to engage the help of a therapist in your area. In the movie Napoleon Dynamite, Trisha, the object of Napoleons affections, is forced by her mother to accept his invitation to go to the school dance. Trisha is disgusted, but caves to the guilt monster her Tame Your Inner Guilt Monster, Girl! mother has become. While this Boow hooo haaa whaa haaa! scene seems comical, it is, at its heart, tragic. Not only is poor Trisha in a state of turmoil, she gets Napoleons hopes up... then he is ultimately rejected at the dancein front of his friends and all of the other kids... a much harsher consequence than Trishs simply saying, No thank you. I fear that this may be a far-too-common scenario between mothers and daughters. Whether you are currently a mother or someday become one, do NOT put this guilt on your daughters (or sons, for that matter). Trishs mother holds the false belief that her daughters feelings, wishes, and choices are somehow less important than Napoleons. This is a surefire prescription for depression. We can see this in Trish during her date with Napoleon. The guilt monster promotes an inability for a teen to grow into a woman with a sound sense of what she truly wants in a relationship. Ten years later, she is divorced with kids, with no concept about true love or its constituents. No wonder so many teenage girls rebel. Thank God they do! Dating a man out of guilt is not fair to him either. You will eventually hurt him much more than had you said no to his

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first request. Or you will eventually squelch your own truth in order to fulfill his wishes and desires. Either way, no good comes out of it. Please, Goddess... do not date (or marry!) someone out of guilt or obligation. It is psychologically devastating with profound, life-long effects. The vibration of guilt will always lower your love-vibe. If you have ever had to dump a past lover, boyfriend, spouse, or just some guy who was infatuated with you and who wouldnt leave you alone, you may be harboring latent guilt over this act of honoring yourself. If you are continuing to date someone out of guilt because you are concerned about hurting his feelings, then at least take a step back and reassess the situation. Dont just put it on the back burner. Dont pretend you still love him either; feigning affection is one of the worst energies you can possibly put outbecause it sends inauthentic signals to the universe (and him, of course) and can really hack up your lovevibe. If you find yourself in a relationship that is just not working for you and you have more dread than joy over him, you have the right to break it off in order to find something better. Dont stick around out of guilt, or out of fear that he might fall apart without you. Have faith in his journey and know that this experience is for him to healnot you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 37 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you find yourself in a relationship that is just not working for you, you have the right to break it off in order to find something better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some women stay in the wrong relationship because they have a fear of loneliness. This is part of the incongruent existence thing that causes romantic disenchantment in the first place. It isnt always easy, but it is worthwhile to take the steps necessary

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to bring yourself into a more authentic existence. Not only will this improve your self-esteem, it will help align you with the energy of love. If you are staying in a disenchanting relationship out of guilt, fear, or some other negative emotion, give yourself a reality check. Part of becoming an empowered woman is developing the personal mastery it takes to walk through your fears, and to live your life from truth. This means that, when you do break up with him, dont feel obligated to continue a friendship in order to humor his egoor your own fear of being lonely. If you are not in love with him (or at least semi-attracted to him), just say no to his request for a date. You dont need to give him any rationalizations or explanations. Dont spend hours on the phone with him trying to make him feel better while he cries and begs you to come back. Thats enabling him to stay stuck in his grief... and it is sheer torture for you. Dont accept his gifts. You can be kind, but firm. Learn the word no. Look in the mirror and practice saying, No, thank you. You dont need to cushion to your answer. No, thank you. That is all you need to say. Clearing your guilt vibes will have a positive effect on your love life. You will no longer be using up your time, energy, and beauty on a relationship that is simply not working for you. You will respond to a stifling request to go to dinner with, No thank you. Or, Im sorry, no... I cant do that. Remember, if you engage in either side of the guilt equation (as a guiltimposer or guilt- receiver), you are weakening your love-vibe. Interestingly enough, the guilt-imposer and the guilt-receiver may look like two completely different roles in your life. But the core energy of both are the same. Guilt is guilt is guilt. Guilt involves a buy-in to the belief that one person is

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responsible for another persons success or happiness. While we, of course, should always be mindful and treat others with respect and kindness, we also must treat others authentically so that they may identify, address, and eventually overcome their personal barriers to love too. We also must make a concerted effort to create our own joy in life, and not put that burden on another person... which often happens in romanceand causes useless burdens of guilt on the other guy. Men have intuitive antenna that can pick up those invisible but powerful guilt vibes that scream, Dont hurt me! Ill die without you! She may as well be saying directly to his face, I am the guilt monster! If you ever leave me, youll be sorry! This energy will always send him running for the hills. She wont have to say a word to him. He will run. OR if he does stay, he will be miserable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 38 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you engage in either side of the guilt equation (as a guilt-imposer or guilt-receiver), you are weakening your love-vibe. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He is not a jerk. He is not a pig. He is not any of these things. Or maybe he is. He still doesnt owe you anything. Your belief that he does is what is causing your pain. But in truth he may have acted in a piggish way because you were being the guilt monster! Boow hooohaaaa wha haaaaaaaaa! This is a good time to bring up the concept of unenforceable rules. This concept comes from Dr. Fred Luskins book Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness. Many womenand men for that mattertry to impose unenforceable rules on others. When someone has an expectation about a person or situation over which she really

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has no control, she has created an unenforceable rule. If she has no control, then she has no ability to effect the desired outcome. Yet many women spend their entire lives trying to enforce unenforceable rules with their romantic (or prospective romantic) partners. Unenforceable rules often involve the word should. Here are a few common ones: Common Unenforceable Rules: He should appreciate me more. He shouldnt be sleeping around. He should have asked me to marry him by now. He shouldnt be so lazy. He owes me an explanation. He should have called me back. He should tell me that he loves me. He should listen to me more. His mother shouldnt interfere so much. He shouldnt be such a mommas boy. He shouldnt drink so much beer. He shouldnt spend so much time with his friends. He needs to stop watching sports. He needs to spend some quality time with me. He needs to go shoe shopping with me. Relieving yourself from the frustration of unenforceable rules will have a positive effect on your love-vibe. Start by identifying the unenforceable rules you have created in your own life. Then make a conscious effort to let them go. Tell yourself, I am

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letting this unenforceable rule go because I am getting nowhere trying to enforce it. Unenforceable rules always beget guilt. Therefore, they in no way belong in the goddess toolbox. Eliminating unenforceable rules will most definitely heighten your levels of inner peace and efficacy in the world of romance. Remember; the most important thing to a man is freedom. Guilt is a powerful shackle should he ever be trapped. If you are truly dedicated to getting this romance thing right, take some time to identify those areas of guilt that have become old hat and may be weakening your love-vibe. Ten signs that a man is staying with a woman out of guilt: 1. Their sex life is minimal or non-existent 2. He lets her win arguments just to shut her up 3. He has developed symptoms of depression since meeting (or marrying) her 4. He has gained weight since meeting her 5. He started drinking (or drinks more than he did before) 6. His friends dont like her 7. She doesnt like his friends. 8. She is faultfinding with his family. 9. His family is faultfinding with her. 10. When she pushes him too far he explodes and puts his foot down. While one or two of these items may not mean much in and of themselves, if three or more items ring true with your relationship, take an honest look within. If you are a guilt

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monster, lighten up. Work on your own self-esteem so you dont need to be projecting your control issues onto him. Give him some breathing room. Address your own fears about potentially losing him should you loosen your grip. Actually, you may have already essentially lost him, because he probably is not living an authentic existence. Neither of you can be very happy right now. It is OK to recognize that you have fallen into the guilt-rut. Be willing to do the inner work needed to let go of your own guilt monster. It will do wonders for your relationships! An acquaintance of mine, Dawn who is a lovely and intelligent woman has been married to Tim for 10 years. Sadly, Dawn routinely uses guilt to motivate her husband into action. I noticed it at a weekend barbecue at her house one day. I was completely taken aback at how she spoke to himexactly like an overly doting mother would speak to her rebellious child. The chicken is going to burn if you dont get it off that grill. Now, why would you leave the hose in the pool? Cant you see the water level is up to the tile already? Are you going to clean off that table or do I need to do it for you? My personal favorite, I asked you to cut that grass earlier today. Do you mind telling me why it hasnt been done? (The grass looked fine to me). To my shock, he had no rebuttal for her. Instead, while maintaining his meek smile, he went to the shed and pulled out the lawn mower. Oh, so now youre going to mow the lawn with our guests here? Good thinking, Tim. Put it away and sit down and eat. (Say what???!!!) Sadly, Tims expectations of guilt are firmly cemented in his emotional memory. He takes all of it from her, never secondguessing her behavior, or considering that this may not be the way to a healthy marriage. Mind you, he works very hard (has two jobs) and is a devoted father to their four children. One

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day, over lunch, Dawn confessed to me that her and Tims sex life is non-existent, and that she is worried that her husband may be having an affair. What should I do? she asked me. Should I hire a private detective? Well, thats not the approach I would take. I said. What do you mean? Wouldnt you want to know? Well, yeah. But what Id really want to know is whats causing the problems between you in the first place. Proving that Tim had an affair isnt going to liven up your mattress or fix your relationship. Well, WHAT then, Laurel? What should I do? Do you love him? I asked. Oh my gosh, yes! Well then its worth changing whatever isnt working. When I suggested that perhaps she could lighten up on her guilting him because it could be driving a wedge between them, she was confused. She had no idea what I was even saying. I recounted what I had witnessed during the barbecue. Do you talk to him like that all the time? Im not getting what youre saying, Laurel. Dawn, those are things a mother might say to a defiant ten year old. Its very emasculating to Tim, and its probably one of the biggest reasons he doesnt have sex with you. Dawn looked irritated. Well, those things need to be said to him, Laurel. You dont know him. If I dont stay after him, he wont do them. Well what about the cost to your marriage? I persisted. Dont you want things to improve between you two? You

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cant talk to him like a child, and then expect him to bed you like a man. Thats not it. She snapped. Weve always communicated that way. Before I could say anything else, she put her hand up. Conversation over! Alllllll-righty then... That talk took place over four years ago, and sadly, things have gotten far worse for them. Dawn has become increasingly bitter and condescending towards Tim (because that is what happens to sexless women). I suspect she will live out the rest of her days in that passionless marriage and perpetuate her cycle of guilt imposition with him. And her husband? Well he may very well be having an affair... perhaps with a woman who doesnt treat him like a child. Of course, I have no reason to believe this is true. But if it is, as Dawn believes it is, this is a highly dysfunctional solution Dont act like his to his predicament. Ideally, mother! You cant treat him like a child, then instead of having an affair, Tim expect him to bed you would stand up to Dawns like a man. ridiculous treatment and stop rewarding her with compliance. I sometimes ponder what would happen if he were to say to her mid-rant, Stop talking to me like Im a child. I worked twelve hours today! and then plopped down on the couch with a well-deserved beer. Or, if he were to tell her, I dont want to have sex with you because you act like my mother! Justhit her squarely between the eyes with it, she would have a chance to rethink her actions and her communication patterns. This would actually be a more virtuous way of communicating rather than allowing their marriage to go down the drain. But to date, Tim has never spoken up for himself; at least not as far

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as I can tell. In fact, I found out that Dawn recently bought him a stack of how to be a good husband books, which he dutifully read, but to her dismay, his reading them had no lasting impact on improving their sex life. Hes impotent. She told me the other day. Even the pills dont help. So at least he cant be having an affair. Ladies, men deserve (and need) to be appreciated. They need to know that their women look at them with gratitude, love, and adoration. Your partner needs to know you see what value he brings to the relationship, and that you feel safe and secure in his strong and loving arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 39 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He needs to know you appreciate him and see the value he brings to the relationship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Men respond to sweetness and love. It is the littlest things that make all the difference. If you notice the trash is overflowing and you want him to take it out for you, instead of, Tim! Look at this garbage! How many times have I told you not to let it get like this?! Try smiling and saying, Sweetie, when you get a chance, would you mind taking that garbage out? I will bet you a dollar to donuts that he jumps right up and takes it out. (Be sure to thank him.) Also, for Heavens sakelose that God-awful scowl youve been sporting for no good reason. (It makes you look older... and highly unapproachable.) Smile. Be gracious. Be kind to him. Then guess whose getting some lovin tonight? Just because we are learning to set healthy boundaries does NOT mean that you abandon gratitude, sweetness, and kindness. Ever! A man like Tim needs gentleness and appreciation from Dawn before he feels safe enough to open his

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heart and love her again. Just remember to extend love with the gentle arms of a goddess, not the needy claws of a pushover. However, the troll who stood you up last week or is sleeping with your roommate? Appreciation is not necessary, reasonable, or warranted. Repeat: the troll who stood you up last week or is sleeping with your roommate? Appreciation is not necessary, reasonable, or warranted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 40 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free yourself from the guilt monster. Your romantic life will dramatically improve! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get this: no man wants to get in bed with a mother figure! If you are constantly scolding him or guilting him, then that is exactly what you have become. You might be as gorgeous as the day is long, but he still wont be sexually attracted to you. Stop that motherly behavior if you want your love life to improve! An honest look within is often required before you can tame your inner guilt monster. Who were your role models as a kid? Did your parents (or other significant adult figures) routinely use guilt to manipulate each other? To discipline you and your siblings? Are you buying into a friends idea that guilt is necessary for asserting healthy relationship boundaries? Have you forgotten your core sweetness and femininity? Healthy boundaries, coupled with appreciation, kindness, and love will do more for your romantic life than any amount of bitching or complaining ever could. Love Language: 1. 2. I am letting go of guilt... to create more space for love. I am learning to trust the process of life.

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3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

I am appreciative, loving, and kind. I dont need to guilt others to get my needs met. I resonate with the energies of love and trust in romance. I use the word could instead of should. I am fully capable of healthy relationship change. I recognize and appreciate the good things in my life. I recognize and appreciate the good in my relationships.

Principle Seven
A goddess is forgiving... not enabling.

_________________________________________________ What woman isnt familiar with the proverbial male-minddisorderPeter Pan Syndrome? Like the fictional Peter Pan, who refuses to grow up, modern-day Peter Pan Man embodies an enduring refusal to mature into a responsible adult... or at least into a responsible romantic partner. A chief component of Peter Pan Syndrome is a portrayed ignorance of just why his behaviors are even a problem. Many men are capable of contracting Peter Pan Syndrome. However, if you are aware of its existence, you have a much better chance of sidestepping its annoying effectsand saving yourself a lifetime of frustration in the process! Complacency and disrespect are two symptoms of Peter Pan Syndrome, and afflicted men convey total unawareness that

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anything unfavorable is going on at all. But men arent stupideven though some of them pretend to be. The savvy goddess recognizes and sidesteps Peter Pan Syndrome by educating herself on its cure: a sweet attitude, coupled with distance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 41 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The savvy goddess recognizes and sidesteps Peter Pan Syndrome by educating herself on its cure: a sweet attitude, coupled with distance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is it possible to turn around a relationship that has fallen into complacency and disrespect? Absolutely! Though, it is not necessarily easy. Not easy in the sense that women who are used to being walked on by men have a difficult time suddenly setting healthy boundaries. Sometimes a woman fears that the man she loves will disappear if she puts any measure of distance between them. (Right. Have you ever tried to get rid of a guy that you didnt like?) Without consistent commitment to what she does want, a woman will fall short of the mark; she will Master your give into her emotional interactions with Peter memory patterns and go back Pan. (No nagging, crying, or begging required!) to him too soon. She will forgive him of everything the minute he shows any amount of respect, kindness, or attention towards her. I am sorry, Goddess, that is not how it works. There is a huge difference between forgiveness and enabling. Obviously, we all make mistakes, and forgiveness is an important component of healthy relationships. The problem, however, is that many womenpushovers in particularuse forgiveness as an excuse for tolerating disrespect. They do this

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because they believe it is virtuous to overlook his abusive behavior, forgive him and love him anyway. This is called enabling and is in no way virtuous or spiritual. Any time we enable another person to stay stuck in any measure of dysfunction, we are hurtingnot helping. It is simply not a healthy practiceon any level... or by any stretch. True forgiveness doesnt have anything to do with tolerating disrespect or enabling ignorance. This is where many women get caught up in some warped ideas of unconditional love. Enabling bad behavior is not unconditional love, but, in fact, the exact opposite, because it perpetuates all that does not love, and all that is not loving. Enabling stems from fear and a misunderstanding of what true unconditional love is. Forgiveness is something that takes place within our own heart, mind, and soul. Therefore, the ability to forgive stems from self-love. If you do not love yourself (hintyou tolerate disrespect or abuse) you will not be able to truly forgive him of anything. Certainly, if you are enabling bad behavior, you cant expect that he will do any significant shifting in the relationship. He will continue to push every emotional button possible and play you like a violin. Oh, and for the record, nagging, yelling, and giving the cold shoulder are signs that a woman is enabling a mans poor behavior. These are grossly ineffective pushover attempts in trying to effect change in defunct relationship. Men dont hear nagging. But they do hear distanceand the possibility of losing her forever. Here is a visual for you: turning around a cruise-liner headed in the wrong direction takes commitment and vision by the captain and crew of the ship. The captain just doesnt turn the wheel once and spin that humongous puppy around. Instead,

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brakes need to be engaged, the rudders (or thrusters) need to be repositioned and the navigational system must be reset. It is a big process with many different elements. But once the boat is headed in the right direction, it is smooth cruising. Your relationship that is headed in the wrong direction is not that different. It takes a core shift in your beliefs about what you deserve and a healthy vision of where you would like to be headed instead. This chapter discusses Brenda, one of many real life romantic success stories, who was having difficulty in setting healthy boundaries with her boyfriend, Mark. Like Brenda, it is entirely possible to procure a dream lover out of a deadbeat, booty-calling, Peter Pan misfit. But that type of transformation is going to take some skill and know-how on your part, coupled with a willingness to leave him behind in Neverland should he never step up. As you go through this chapter, remind yourself of the importance of staying calm and cool while setting these boundaries. This shows that you are a woman in control of your own life. Speak to him gently, resist using vulgar language, and say what you need to say in as few words as possible. Dont insult him. Just state facts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Love Note 42 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Even if you are upset, speak to him calmly, resist using vulgar language, and say what you need to say in as few words as possible. Dont insult him. Just state facts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These same rules apply to your e-voice. Since instant messaging and texting are so popular nowadays, it is important to know how to respond to a man via these modes de communiqu. For instance, if he texts you out of the blue after you havent heard from him in two weeks, or after he has been rude, disrespectful,

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or plays dumb after standing you up on Friday night, the last thing you want to do is return his whats up babe? text with an emotionally charged rant. Here are some of the text messages that Brenda sent to Mark before she knew any better: What do you want Derrrr! Numb nuts! You just think you can ignore me for five days and then see me? Im fucking sick of this and sick of you and your stupid drunk ass!!!! I hate you! Get lost, asshole! Ooyyyy... No... no... dont communicate like that. It will get you nowhere but miserable . An angry, reaction from you tells him that HE has all the power in the relationship. He will know he has you over an emotional barrel, and all he need to do is figure out how to get you to chill so he can have his way with you. Once he gets his way with you, he will start his Peter Panning all over again. Instead of ranting, you need to maintain your composure. You need to be kind. You need to be clever. You must know at your core that you are worth much, much more than what he is offering to you. It is time for him to either step up or step back. In the wake of his disrespect, your text responses should follow two rules. Make sure they are: 1) devoid of emotion and 2) short and sweet. This goes for emails and instant messages too. If he texts you hey your response is hi. If he texts you whats up tonight? your response is busy w friends or, got homework or going to movies. By the way, whenever he asks you whats up tonight? or, what are you doing right now? be sure to respond with something besides not much or nothing or anything else that

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makes it sound like you dont have a life outside of him. You are always doing something: having dinner, listening to music, painting your toenails, getting ready for a run, hanging out with your sister, cleaning your room, on the computer, or getting ready for bed. Right? Back to Brenda: Brenda was dating Mark for two years. When Brenda first came to therapy, Mark had been ignoring her for over a week. Their last encounter was a drunken phone call and a subsequent all night sex-a-thon. That was nothing new; Mark had fallen into a long-time pattern of boring and booty, and Brenda desperately wanted out of that pattern. She often went off on him with emotional rants and nag-sessions when he was being a total jerk. Not surprisingly, this had very little effect on curbing Marks disrespectful actions and poor treatment of her. Never once did he own up to his behavior. He simply continued them, and seemed to really get a kick out of making her completely crazy. Why is he so horrible to me? Brenda cried to me one day. I dont know why I try so hard with him. I just feel like I dont even deserve his attention sometimes! Brenda was a great catch. She was beautiful, educated, and successful. Yet she had a pervasive feeling of just not being good enough for anything more than what Mark was showing her. Using her feelings as a guide, I used some visual-guided-imagery scripts with her to see if we could identify the root of her this emotional memory pattern. She made a connection right away; her father had always been just barely there in her life as a child. She had always felt like a second thought, a burden, something he had to put up with out of obligation. Whether or not this was true from her fathers perspective makes no difference. This is what Brenda perceived as a child, and this is what set the stage for what she would create in her significant relationships later in life.

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Through the therapeutic process, Brenda was able to heal those old emotional wounds and embrace her inner child who so desperately wanted love and approval. As you can imagine, these were intense sessions for her. Simultaneously, Brenda began to recognize that she had made it far too easy for Mark to have his cake and eat it too. This was partly because of her maybe Im not good enough pattern that she had formed in childhood, and partly because no one had taught her to execute better relationship boundaries. She mirrored the same desperate and forlorn love patterns she had witnessed with her mother, sisters, aunts, and cousins. They were always putting up with horrible treatment from men. Brenda came to understand why she had failed to set healthy boundaries early on with Markbecause that is all she ever learned. That was a big ah-ha moment; she resolved to implement actions that reflected her new level of self-love. When Marks next text message came (eight days after her big ah-ha moment in therapylate one Thursday night) Brenda did a perfect job executing the textual tricks of the trade: Mark texted this: Brenda texted back: Hey beautiful what up... ... ... ... Oh hey :) Can I come over... ... ... ... ... ..... Sry not 2nite Why not... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... . Im busy :p I miss u... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... (no reply) You mad at me? ... ... ... ... ... .. .. Um- No :) Hello?... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. Ya? Whats wrong w u? ... .... ... ... ... Sry babe just busy Brenda then shut her phone off, poured herself a glass of wine,

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turned on a fun movie, and cuddled up on the couch to enjoy her newfound personal power. A half-hour later, Mark knocked on her door. Brenda ignored his knocking... for 20 minutes. The next morning, when she turned on her phone, she had a half-dozen missed calls and seven new text messages: Im coming over k? Im here, babe- open the door! Hey sexy u there? Can I come in? Sorry I was so busy last week U mad? <duplicate> U mad? She ignored them all. She stayed out of his reach for the entire weekend, over which time he text her many more times. If you notice, his fifth text above makes it blaringly obvious: he knew exactly what he did wrong: Sorry I was so busy last week. Yet for two years, Brenda had argued with him every time he went on hiatus; never once did he own his poor behavior. In fact, until that point, he had essentially won every argument with her, telling her she was overreacting and blowing things out of proportion. She would end up feeling completely invalidated, frustrated, and in tears. Then she would let him come over and have sex to make up with himafraid he would just go away... and any attention from him was better than no attention from him. She wondered why Mark never treated her with respect? She was not willing to treat herself with respect. Implementing her new boundaries was not easy for Brenda; her old emotional memory patterns were furiously trying to get her to return to her Mark addiction. She was crazy in love with

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him, after all. Yet, she was learning to love herself more. She continually reaffirmed what she really, really wanted in a relationship, and stuck to her guns... and left his gun stuck in its holster. She powered through and kept herself insanely busy with her own interests and hobbies. She even left her cell phone locked in my office filing cabinet one weekend so she was sure to not respond to his (now predictable) texting and begging. An entire month passed. After getting zero response to his bootyseeking text messages, he called and left a voicemail asking if she wanted to go out to dinner one Friday evening. She messaged him back and accepted. (Reinforcing good behavior. You see? It is no different from training a dog.) He picked her up at her house and was a perfect gentleman. She was kind, sugary sweet, engaged in conversation, and toasted to his suggestion of new beginnings. Indeed. At the end of the night, he drove her home. She thanked him for dinner, then kissed him goodnight while standing by his car. Lets go in... he whispered. Though every cell in her body was craving him, she used her logic and resisted. She reminded herself of the bigger picture and what she had learnedthat one night of chivalry does not absolve two years of mistreatment. (Get this girlsbecause this is where most of you will cave and take him to bed.) Cant tonight. I got a big day tomorrow. She pulled away. His perplexed look was met with nothing but a sweet smile and a digging for her house key in her purse. Goodnight. Thanks again for dinner. Brenda walked up the steps to her front dooralone. She unlocked her front door, went inside, closed and locked it behind her. She never looked back. Her phone rang thirty seconds later. She answered. Yes? Whats up with you? Mark almost demanded.

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What do you mean? So you dont want to have sex anymore or what? I just dont think its a good idea. Yeah, okay! he snapped. (Dont tolerate rude remarks like this.) Goodnight, Mark. She said kindly, and hung up the phone. She turned her phone off and got ready for bed. Marks car sat out in front of her house for fifteen minutes. He finally drove away. Brenda didnt have sex with Mark until several months after that dinner dateafter he consistently started treating her with the utmost respect. He didnt dare stand her up for another datesave for once; the fourth date into their new pattern; he said that he, Wasnt feeling well and overslept. He told her this at two in the morning through a text messageafter she suspected that he was out partying it up with his buddies. She was not interested in his excuses. She didnt text or talk to him for a month. She didnt respond to his texts, she didnt respond to his knocks on the door, she didnt even respond to him the one time he showed up at her work; she told the receptionist that she was busy. Its easier now, she explained. It all makes sense. I dont need him to fulfill me anymore because I feel so much better about myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 43 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ No woman needs a man to complete her. This belief is a surefire road to disenchantment and does NOT belong in the goddess rulebook! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was around this time that Brenda started dating a new guy Chad. Chad was five years her senior. While she was not in love with Chad, she was attracted to him and really appreciated his

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respectful treatment. Mark got wind of her new beau through a mutual friend... which is when everything finally shifted. Mark ended up sending Brenda a dozen roses and a sappy sorry I messed up. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me card to her at work. She sent him a text: Thanks for the beautiful roses! She agreed to his invitation to dinner that weekend. This time he showed up ten minutes early. He opened her car door. He repeatedly told her how beautiful she looked. At dinner, he ordered her favorite wine. He didnt take his eyes off her the entire night. At the end of the night, as before, she started walking up her steps to her house alone. His protests were met with a softly spoken, Look, Mark. I care about you a lot. But we just want different things. What? No, we dont! Yes, we do. Otherwise we would have worked out by now. Notice her verbiage here. Brenda didnt say, Otherwise you would have married me by now. Or, Otherwise you wouldnt have been such a jerk to me for the last two years. She said, Otherwise we would have worked out by now. This statement is ambiguous enough to drive him nuts (meaning, it gives him no emotional foothold to argue) and reflect back to him that she was not satisfied with what he had been offering her... or what their relationship might look like in the future should she start sleeping with him again. She also did something else with this statement... did you catch it? She validated something that he had been trying to convince her of for a long time: that he didnt have the ability to give her anything more than what he was giving to the relationship. Ka-POW! Now his feigned ignorance (a.k.a. Peter Pan Syndrome) was coming back to bite him in the heinie. Energetically, Brendas was at a much different frequencyself-

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loveand he could sense it. With Chad lurking around as a potential replacement for him, there were simply no emotional handles or self-depreciating loopholes for Mark to exploit. He was forced to make a choice: to step up and into his full potential, or step back, and let his dream girl fall into the arms of another man. This is the kind of dilemma that will keep Peter Pan awake at night, tossing and turning and trying to figure out how to win her back while standing by his old tricks. Is it up to her to show him (not tell him) that that is no longer an option. Actually, in Marks mind, and before all of this nonsense, the relationship was working out perfectlyfor him! How he missed those good ole days where he could come over and bang her 'til the cows came home... after he was such a daft prick to her all week. What an ego stroke that was! He never missed a night out with the guys, a football game, and got to save all of his money for partying and video games. But now... Brenda was no longer interested in that arrangement. She had no intention of changing her mind. He was a little shellshocked, and spinning with thoughts of how to get her back. He watches Brenda make her way up the stairs. I love you! You too. She says and waves a hand in the air. She didnt look back. Once inside, again, she shut her phone off and let him leave a messagesboth text and voice. Personal power? Check! Dignity? Check! Self-respect? Check!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 44 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Personal power? Check! Dignity? Check! Self- respect? Check! Woot! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now Mark had butterflies in his stomach every time he called her. He caught his breath when she answered the phone. He

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was thinking up ways and spending money for gifts to show her how much cared about her. Now he was thinking about how he would get such an amazing woman to fall for him again. The long and short of it is he became the boyfriend of her dreams. Brenda dated both Chad and Mark for about six months, until she felt 100% certain about exclusively dating Mark again. He proposed a few months later. Their whole relationship shifted because she went within to heal herself and redefined her expectations in romance. Whereas before, all she did was rant and nag... and use her energy in trying to get Mark to change, and step up into what she really wanted. Note that Brenda needed to be 1000% willing to walk away from himto truly leave the relationship behindAND he had to be willing to step up into her new (unspoken) standards.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 45 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You must be willing to walk away from a dysfunctional relationship in order to create the space for change in that relationship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Think you cant pull it off? I think you can! All that is essentially required is for you to shift your core love-vibe from, Please love me! to the love-vibe of, Whats in this relationship for me? Like Brenda, your energetic alignment with love begins within. You must truly love yourself before he will. You must respect yourself before he will. You must set the relationship boundaries before he will. It is only fair to let you know... not all men will respond the way Mark did. Some are too far entrenched in Peter Pan Syndrome and simply have no interest in women who dont put out whenever theyre hornywith little to no effort on their part. These men are not, repeat, not relationship material.

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No matter! The process is the same: address your past emotional memory patterns, work to clear them, and redefine your expectations in romance. If a man disappears after you have given him a little resistance? This is no great loss. He was incapable of stepping into your hearts desire anyway. Are you beginning to see how vital it is for you to start loving yourself? Stop looking for the love and acceptance you crave from the outside world. The pursuit is fruitlessand completely unnecessary. No man can give you love that you are unwilling to give yourself. Foster a deep sense of self-love and self-respect, and then act from that place at all times. One final word on Peter Pan Syndrome management: I hear from many women that setting these boundaries feels like they are playing games, and thats just not who I am. Lets look at this more carefully: if setting boundaries feels like a game to you, it is simply because you are not used to putting yourself first. You are used to men calling the shots and dictating your self worth. Allowing his inner-troll to keep you stuck in complacency and disrespect is a much bigger, much more spiritually dangerous game than setting these healthy boundaries ever could be. Love Language: 1. I am raising my relationship standards. 2. I set my standards quietly and uneventfully. 3. I am forgiving... but not enabling. 4. I dont need to stay where Im not loved and cherished. 5. I no longer expect others to complete me. I complete me. 6. I dont owe a man anything after he buys me dinner, except a sincere, Thank you! 7. I keep my options open when it comes to romance.

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8. The love I have for myself is reflected in my relationships. 9. I am fully capable of making logical, rational decisions.

Principle Eight
A goddess demonstrates mastery over her emotions.

_________________________________________________ It is uber important to take time each day to pamper your brain. We pamper our brain by indulging our senses: sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Pamper yourself and find ways to show love to yourself. Perhaps buy yourself new bottle of cologne or a few pieces of fine chocolate. (Be sure to spend in moderation since a feeling of emptiness can manifest as excessive shopping sprees; you dont want this consequence in your future!) You might stroll through a botanical garden or cook up an exotic dish for dinner. Dive into a sparkling swimming pool or rollerblade through the park. Play beautiful music and put lovely smells in your environmentlike flowers, potpourri, or baking cookies. I often clip a few long stalks of organic basil from my garden and place them in a vase of water on my kitchen table. It perfumes the whole front of my house!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 46 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We pamper our brain by indulging our senses: sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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The more pleasurable experiences you create for your brain to perceive, the happier its chemistry will be. Living from such a sensual place is a very good habit to develop. Take time to pamper yourself! Use the good body lotion. Enjoy a quiet cup of tea and soft music. Give yourself a deep conditioning hair treatment and a facial. Lounge in the sun and sip something delicious. Set aside at least one hour a week to give yourself some tender loving care. Self-pampering sends vital messages to your brain: 1) I am very important! and 2) I can take care of myself! Rememberwhen you truly love yourself, everyone else will love you too!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 47 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Self-pampering sends vital messages to your brain: 1) I am important! and 2) I can take care of myself! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have already discussed the importance of addressing past emotional wounds in order to create better emotional and energy patterns. This will continue to be an important theme in this book. However, in the throes of a breakup, most women are in a state of panic and grief. This is a difficult time to start working on past love wounds. If you have just experienced a breakup, you are in emotional pain now. Keep in mind that people are much more emotionally reactive than normal following a romantic breakup. Of course, emotional reactivity can be a destructive force and, without a set of checks and balances in place, could easily cause you to embarrass or humiliate yourself. Therefore, if you have recently faced the perils of a breakup, or even the threat of a breakup, it is vitally important for you to take control of your inner cave-girl. She has the potential to make things worse for you if you dont. She does this by undermining your logic, self-respect and dignity.

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You have probably seen other women (if not yourself) get their emotionally reactive freak on in front of the man she loves... and he never responds well to that sort of thing Lets review some dos and donts to follow in the aftermath of a breakup. These will be helpful should you ever find yourself there. The Do List: Do take time for yourself: exercise daily, pamper yourself with bubble baths, get plenty of rest, listen to music, exercise, watch fun movies, visit with friends, etc... Do honor your emotional pain. Engage the help of a therapist if necessary. Do remind yourself that your feelings of loss are very real and completely normal. Do continue to go to work, school, family gatherings, etc... Do get into the sunshinedaily if possible. Do stay hydrated; drink plenty of high-quality water every day. Do nourish yourself with healthy foodsincluding plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Do schedule massages or other bodywork for yourself at least once a weekor as often as possible. Do take your vitamins. Do take your medications as prescribed. Do the brain calming techniques in this chapteroften. The do list items give you concrete ways to care for yourself during this difficult time. You might need to force yourself through them initially, but do your best to implement them on

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at least a semi-consistent basis. The dont list gives common cave-girl behaviors that wreak havoc on the dignity of the unaware goddess. Read them... several times. Write them out and post them on your bathroom mirror or fridge. When you are tempted to cave to your cavegirls jealousy, anger, and feelings o hopelessness, STOP! Remind your goddess to step in. Go back to your do listand get busy. The Dont List: Dont call him or text him for any reason. The pushover tends to make up gimpy reasons to call ex boyfriends/lovers/crushes. None of the reasons they invent are valid. If he wants to talk, HE will call or text you. Dont email him, text him, visit him, or call him when you are crying or angry. Dont drive by his house. Dont cyber-spy on him. Dont hook up with another guy to try to forget about your ex. Dont try to figure out if he is with another woman; it is a fools errand and you will just make yourself sick. Dont stuff your emotions with food. Dont drink or use drugs to cope with your feelings. I want to explore the last dont herebecause it is not uncommon for heartbroken women to turn to alcohol and other substances in order to cope with her overwhelming feelings. This behavior is glorified by Hollywood, but can be devastating to your self-esteem and reputation. Further, it can drive an even bigger wedge between you and your ex! Alcohol

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enhances a persons dominant feelings. This means if you are upset or depressed, alcohol will make you more upset or depressed. Mixing the emotional storms of love loss with alcohol can cause life-changing and permanent damage on many levels. People do downright stupid things when they are drunk. They sleep with strangers, drive under the influence, become verbally and physically abusive, and do just plain embarrassing things. For instance, a heartbroken woman could very easily embarrass herself by drunk-dialing or drunk-texting her ex. She could leave ranting voicemails or send a bunch of sappy, angry, or just plain weird text messages to himall of which he will likely avoid. Do you remember the nursery rhyme Humpty-Dumpty? Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall All the kings horses and all the kings men Couldnt put Humpty together again The message here is, of course, that one moment of carelessness can lead to lasting consequences later. We could call this pulling a Humpty. I am not suggesting that you cant ever go out for a couple of drinks with your friends. Of course you can! But take precautions: if you just broke up with a guy and you tend to get emotional and impulsive when schnockered (that will be most of you), give your phone (and your car keys) to trusted pal BEFORE you have even one drink. This way, your friend can help keep you from making a total Humpty of yourself later. What does your brain have to do with love pain? The answer is a bit complex. Basically, when a person you love disappears,

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your brain completely freaks out and tries to find him. In What About B.O.B.? biological terms, intricate neuro-electrical and hormonal Okay, Girls! This is your Brain On Breakups! reactions take place in your brain when your predictable life patterns change... especially when your dreams of love are disconfirmed. We can heed Dr. Daniel Amens wisdom with this excerpt from his book, Sex on the Brain. Dr. Amen is a leading brain-health authority in the United States: When we love someone, they come to live in the emotional or limbic centers of our brains. He or she actually occupies nervecell pathways and physically lives in the neurons and synapses of the brain. When we lose someone, either through death, divorce, moves, or breakups, our brain starts to get confused and disoriented. Since the person lives in the neuronal connections, we expect to see her, hear her, and touch her. When we cannot hold her or talk to her as we usually do, the brain centers where she lives become inflamed looking for her (Sex on the Brain, Dr. Amen, 2007). Your brain interprets every experience of your life. This is especially true in romantic relationships. Your brain decides who is attractive, who is annoying, if a breakup hurts, and how in love (or bonded) you are to a romantic partner. When you fall in love with a guy (or spend a lot of time fantasizing about him) he literally gets wired into the neurological patterns of your brain. It makes sense, then, that when he is suddenly gone (a.k.a. I got dumped!) your brain starts to wig. The patterns that have been so used to the sound, sight, taste, touch, and smell of him go crazy looking for him. But he is simply not there anymore. You end up feeling empty, unfulfilled, like half of you is missing, which is why you obsess so much about

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getting the feeling of wholeness back. People mistake this obsession for love. Yet, obsession is not love. It is miserable emotional state that masquerades as love. But fear notyou can learn to tell the differencesand divide and conquer!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 48 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Your brain decides who is attractive, who is annoying, if a breakup hurts, and how in love (or bonded) you are to a romantic partner. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing to understand if you have endured the heartbreak of unrequited love is this: there is nothing wrong with you. Your drive for him is normal human behavior as an attachment piece of human survival. However, in our age of personal empowerment and spiritual growth, it is imperative that you take deliberate steps to transcend would-be clingy and obsessive tendencies and work to return to peacewith him or without him. Girlfriendget this! Obsession is not love! Obsession is the byproduct of unfulfilled emotional and sexual needs. Feelings of obsession can be traced directly to specific brain functions that are creating it. This is important because we always process the experience of a lover within the infrastructure of our brain. Your man data has been stored there: the sight of his chiseled features, the sweet scent of his neck, the feel of his bristly skin, the taste of his sensual lips, the ecstasy of making love to him, your skin contact exchanging neuro-electric sensory signals with each other... all of these experiences get programmed into that neurological blob between your ears. This is not your fault; it is part of the human survival instinct. Oxytocina powerful human bonding hormoneis abundant during and after intimacy. This is why your sweethearts sudden

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disappearance from your life will elicit a strong anxiety response as your brain looks for him in your environment. This is another reason why some women become obsessed with lovers (or ex-lovers); they are looking for their oxytocin dump, and that search can become desperate to the unaware. As you know by now, men are programmed to run from cling. The loss of a romantic partner will also trigger a reaction in the limbic brain. The limbic brain consists of an amygdula (a small, almond shaped section directly above the brain stem at the top of the spine) and basil ganglia (which surrounds the amygdula). These are two of mans oldest brain centers. The limbic brain becomes overactive as other parts of the brain frantically look for the person who is now missing from his or her life experience. The limbic brain responds to this changed environment with anxiety (because back in the cave-day, a shifted or changed environment meant danger). We can, in a sense, blame the limbic brain for generating the anxiety behind all of those awful emotions: fear, guilt, worry, obsession, panic, etc... Note that there is a high correlation between anxiety disorders and depression; this can prompt a vicious cycle of seeking symptom relief... such as indulging in the use of alcohol or drugs. The limbic brains role in modern day romance wreaks havoc for many. In fact, a hyper limbic brain is a determinate of stalking behaviors. It is the driving force behind the mania and obsession many people experience after losing a lover. It is much worse when you indulge these patterns and continue to pursue him after he has walked away. Instead of indulging these obsessive patterns, be practical, and give your brain a hand. Take some time to clear your environment of his stuff. Take his pictures down and remove

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them from your home. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. If you shared a bed with him, get rid of itor at least get new sheets, pillows, and blankets. Rearrange your room (and whole house if possible) as this will send different signals to your brain from your environment. My friend, Rita, decided to use her difficult breakup with a long-time boyfriend as motivation to redecorate her whole house. She shopped thrift stores and clearance sales and found new drapes, couch pillows, and even obtained some oops paint from the local hardware store (oops paint is paint that another customer had mixed that turned out to be the wrong color, so they returned it to the store). She spent only a few hundred dollars total and is now enjoying her redecorated house, and her grieving time has been greatly reduced by her deliberate choice to create a new and improved home environment. She even had her brother tear down her exs workbench in the garage and she now uses that space to store her gardening supplies; they were in an old, rickety metal shed in her backyard. She got rid of that too, and planted a healing Zen garden there, complete with flowers hummingbird feeders, herbs, a comfy birdcage swing that she sits in to meditate, and even a tiny labyrinth. All of these things helped her change up her environment (and make it better!) which, in turn, helped her get over him much more quickly than if she had left her environment the way it was when they were living together. Modern-day stressors trigger the same excitement in the limbic brain that had Australopithecus man running from hungry wild animals. But rarely is modern-day stress signaling such morbid danger. Your computer crashing, your psychotic boss, your pending divorce, or recent romantic breakup, your overdue bills... none of these present a true threat of death. Regardless, when stressors present themselves, your limbic brain will default

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to stress mode. Unfortunately, our human neurological warning system hasnt evolved much over time. Since we are stuck with it, we need to find ways to effectively deal with it. Because of our evolved brain structures, humans are able to implement logic... instead of reacting solely on emotion. This means that, even if you dont want to, you can choose to act counter to your impulses (a.k.a. behaviors listed on the Donts List in this chapter). This moment-to-moment decision is good to practice until you clear the anxiety that drives those donts since that anxiety could hamper your chances of you walking away with your dignity. Ten Techniques to Calm a Brain On Breakups (B.O.B.) 1) Write It and Burn It : One of the best ways to help you process love pain is to write a letter to your ex. Dont worry; you wont be giving it to him. This is for yourself only. Write as much as you want. (I recommend a minimum of five pages.) Identify all of the emotions, disappointments, fears, and upset that you have towards him for leaving you, cheating on you, or disappointing you. Think of this as emotionally vomiting on the paper. Dont hold anything back. When you finish writing, go outside and burn your letter (safely! Water the ground around it and burn the paper in a fireproof (clay or metal) container). Crumple the pages loosely or they wont burn well. Do not stand in the smoke. As you watch the smoke rise to the sky, imagine it is carrying all of the negative energy, emotions, and grief away from you and to the divine, where these emotions will receive healing. Once it stops burning, rinse the ashes into your yard, symbolizing fertilizer for your new love to appear. When this exercise is complete, take a shower, visualizing that you are washing away the negative from this past relationship experience. Light a candle, put on some

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relaxing music, and enjoy a cup of tea to signify your renewal of spirit. Be sure to do something fun or pampering for yourself: give yourself a pedicure, watch a comedy, go have some quality time with some friends, etc... Many women really start to enjoy their free time, away from their absconded loverswhich is much easier to do when you have had an opportunity to express your thoughts and feelings! One reason that the write a letter technique is so effective is because writing uses different brain processes than does talking or simply thinking about upsetting things. Writing out your sources of upset gives your brain a chance to process the grief and loss of an ex in an entirely new way. 2) Write It and Trash It: This is a more dramatic version of the Write It and Burn It technique and is especially helpful for releasing anger towards an ex loveror anyone. It can also be used to help you process anger at just about anything and anybody. Its harmless, but powerful! Here is what to do: Tape a large piece of butcher paper to a bare wall. (Note: if you dont have butcher paper, you can use the back side of wrapping paper.) Using markers or crayon, write all of your feelings on the butcher paper. (If you are using a permanent marker, use two layers of paper to prevent bleed-through). Write out all of the things that are upsetting youusing large strokes, angular scribbles, or any type of writing/drawing that helps you express your negative feelings. When you are done, take the paper down from the wall and put it on a sofa or bed. Using a padded wiffle bat (you can pad it with foam and duct tape) or a pool noodle with a piece of PVC pipe stuck through the middle, beat the paper with all your might! (Be sure the pool noodle extends several inches past the end of the PVC pipe to prevent damage to furniture.) Yell if you feel the urgeand continue beating the paper until you have released all of your anger.

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Then wad the paper up and STOMP on it until it til your hearts content. Throw the wad in the trash. Or, if you can do so safely, burn it outside, as instructed in the Write It and Burn It instructions above. Take a shower, signifying a washing away of the negative. Please note that we are simply using this activity to process anger. Do not allow yourself to stay in this state of anger or continue to think destructively toward the person/persons involved, as this will have a tremendous negative impact on you and your spirit. Here is a helpful tip: After you have completed the above, sit in quiet thought and think of two or three positive things that have come out of your bad experience with this terrible person. Since the universe is about balance, there is always a positive side to our negative experiences, though sometimes we really need to take some time to identify them. Also, if you are able to, do your best to identify a few good qualities about him/her/them. This will have a positive impact on your own life outlook and experiences. Rememberwe reap what we sow. This, sow loving thoughts whenever possible. 3) Become Mindful. Mindfulness is the process of bringing your awareness to the present moment. Mindfulness has its roots in Eastern spiritual practices and is the cornerstone of prayer and meditation. The metaphysical masters teach us that all of our problems exist in the past or in the future. But in the present moment, we have no problems. You can become mindful in many different ways; you can focus your full attention on an object, such as a flower, a stone, a picture, or the sunset and describe the object in detail. Another way is to focus on your feet touching the floor, or the position and feel of any body part. Coloring is an excellent mindfulness activity that also engages your right brain, which will be discussed further in the next technique. One of my favorite mindfulness activities

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involves chocolate. Keep a bag of large semi-sweet chocolate chips in your freezer. When you are feeling upset or anxious, put one chocolate chip in your mouth. Do not chew. Close your eyes and focus your entire mind on the experience of the chocolate melting in your mouth. Focus on the temperature change of the candy, the slight weight of the candy resting on your tongue, the pressure on the roof of your mouth, the feel of the candy melting in your mouth, the action of swallowing as the candy melts. When you open your eyes, notice how much calmer and centered you feel. If you dont want to use chocolate, you can use any type of candy or mints. Keep a small bag of candy in your purse, desk drawer, or car to practice mindfulness while you are not at home. Fair warning though: if you live in a warm climate, use shell-coated /non-melty candies. 4) Engage Your Creativity : Another process that is HUGELY helpfultake up a hobby, craft, art, sport, or activity that you have always wanted to do, but couldnt (or wouldnt) do while he was in your life. My friend Rita (who I mentioned earlier) had a creative artistic gift; she loved to paint. She painted beautiful pictures and would get lost for hours in the sheer pleasure of it. But after her deadbeat boyfriend moved into her new house with her three years earlier, she gave up her painting passion for the indulgence of a fiery romance with him. He was a wannabe rock-star and part of a local dive band and, as she put it, He eventually cluttered my whole house up with his stupid, narcissistic rock-star crap! After he moved in, there was simply no room in her house for her painting supplies. He eventually crowded her out of her art room completely, saying, You dont want to paint anyway. Its a waste of a hobby. Sadly, her painting supplies all ended up packed away in a storage unit several miles away. As you probably know, my dear readers, this was her first and biggest relationship mistake. A

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goddess never gives up her own interests and passions for any man. Even an Eddie Van-Halen wannabe. Actually... especially an Eddie Van-Halen wannabe. At any rate, when her shaggy-rockin fianc moved out (and in with his new girlfriend) instead of wallowing in sadness, jealousy, and grief, Rita went to work and adapted the Engage Your Creativity technique. She went to her storage unit and pulled out all of her old painting supplies. She spent the next several days organizing and setting up her art room and even treated herself to new paint and canvases. She started painting almost nightly, and while enjoying her rekindled creativity, she purposefully and continually told herself, Im so glad he is gone! Now I have my art room back! Im so grateful he is out of my life! Sure, she experienced bouts of sadness and crying over him. That is fairly normal. Instead of indulging them, she allowed them to process, often painting right through them. This sob-painting as she called it, lead to some pretty exotic pictures which helped her stretch her imagination much further than she could have done without those emotions. A few months later, she was having lunch with her friend at a new restaurant near her house. She noticed that the walls of the restaurant were painfully bare. She had a brief discussion with the manager about allowing him to use her artwork to jazz up the joint. He was thrilled with her offer. She started displaying her paintings at the restaurant. Less than one month after hanging her artwork, a painting of hers sold for $400! Since then she has sold several more pieces and is holding quarterly art shows at the restaurant. Isnt it amazing to think that, for three years, this young woman traded her remarkable creative gifts for a self-serving, ignorant, wannabe rock star who could barely zip up his own pants?

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Needless to say, the Engage Your Creativity technique substantially helped her get over him because the pleasures of painting continually flooded her brain with feel good hormones and creative energy. While this practice was not a negation of her feelings, it was simply a healthy focus for her to use while she healed from them. 5) Ice It: Put a cloth-covered ice pack on the very top of the back of your neck/at the base of your skull; this cools the limbic brain and brings about an instant calm. Try 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off, repeat. If you have trouble sleeping due to anxiety, try the ice-pack trick. This also works well to ease headaches. 6) Get Moving : It has been proven over and over again, in many different studies that physical exercise dramatically increases brain endorphins. So get moving! Take some time right now to list different physical activities that you enjoy or have always wanted to try. Take out your day planner and enter appointments to do these activities as you would any other important meeting or date. Include at least 20 minutes of moderate activity in your daily routine. (Note: Check with your doctor before beginning any exercise plan.) 7) Be in Service: Did you know that it is virtually impossible to be depressed while you are in service? Give it a try! Do something really, really nice for someone... without expecting anything back. Easing the suffering of another being immediately puts you into alignment with the divine flow. My favorite bumper sticker reads Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty. We can also observe the wisdom of Mother Teresa, who dedicated her entire life to serving underprivileged populations: I do not do great things. I only do small things with great love. Here are a few ideas to get you started in service: volunteer at

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the Humane Society. Volunteer to help adults learn to read. Purchase a coworkers favorite candy bar from the snack machine and put it on her desk with a little note, For you! Dont adapt the belief that you dont have time to be in service. When you go visit your sister, take out the overflowing trash. Put on a load of dishes for her while you chat. When you visit your mom, fold her laundry or pull a few weeds from her garden. Pick up a few scenes of her favorite yarn at the craft store. Whatever you know would be meaningful to her, do it! Always, always, always, do whatever you are doing with a smile and consciously put love in your heart and project it out into the world. Put in your mind the following statement: I am a delightful person. People are always happy to see me! Then make sure your actions follow suit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 49 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Put in your mind the following statement: I am a delightful person. People are always happy to see me! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8) Breathe Deeply : Ok... ok... I know you are probably tired of therapists and yoga instructors telling you to breathe deeply... when that is the absolute LAST THING you feel like doing! Breathing deeply can feel horribly counter-intuitive when you are upset. But it actually can be really helpful and help you regain a sense of personal mastery over your emotions. The reason deep breathing works so well is simply because a relaxed body breathes more slowly and deeply than does a tense body. So deliberately breathing deeply sends a powerful signal to your brain of, I am safe, relaxed, and calm. The practice of deep breathing can calm your nerves on a moment-to-moment basis. To even further the beneficial effects, consciously relax your body, and imagine that you are breathing in peace and

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joy, and blowing out stress and anxiety from your body. This type of deliberate deep breathing will have a powerfully relaxing effect on your psyche and give you moment-to-moment relief from negative emotions. 9) L.O.L! Laugh out loud! Humans have the incredible gift of laugher. Laughter is often called Mother Natures antidepressant because it triggers the release of endorphins in the body. But how often do we actually indulge in one of lifes greatest FREE pleasures? Endorphins are the feel good hormones that humans crave. Endorphins are desperately lacking during a romantic breakup or in the wake of love loss, or even when we are simply lonely and yearning for companionship. While it may not seem practical to laugh during tough times, ample research points to laughter as a viable treatment for depression, anxiety, and grief. Laughter boosts the immune system and circulatory system, increases oxygen intake, stimulates the heart and lungs, relaxes muscles in the body, triggers the release of endorphins, eases digestion, relieves pain, balances blood pressure, improves mental functions such as memory and creativity, improves ones outlook on life, reduces stress and tension, promotes relaxation, improves sleep, enhances the quality of life, and produces a general sense of wellbeing. In fact, laughter is such an amazing remedy that it is even being used by cancer treatment centers as an adjunct to medical protocols (www.cancercenter.com). The site reads, We were born with the gift of laughter. Laughter is a natural medicine. It lifts our spirits and makes us feel happy. Laughter is a contagious emotion. It can bring people together. It can help us feel more alive and empowered. Indeed! 10) Learn Energy Psychology: There is an exciting field of study that is quickly gaining popularity: Energy Psychology. Energy Psychology uses techniques that release the charge

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behind emotional blocks from the body. We have discussed Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) a few times already in this book. EFT involves brief exposure to any given problem (thinking about) while gently tapping on specific meridian points. Taking time every day to pamper your brain will give a huge boost to your inner-goddess. Do these ten B.O.B. exercises as often as possible. Romantic breakups are a part of life. While they can be difficult, they dont need to devastate you. Take some time after breakups to heal your heart. That doesnt happen overnight. And be sure to do the things that will help you regain your footingtrusting that you will emerge much wiser, more compassionate, and far stronger than you ever thought possible. Love Language: 1. All of my emotions are valid. 2. I allow my emotions to come up and to process. 3. I am gaining mastery over my emotions. 4. I can feel my emotions without being consumed by them. 5. I am lovable, intelligent, and attractive. 6. I laugh easily and often. 7. I am gentle with myself as I learn these new principles. 8. I can create inner-peace in any moment by closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing. 9. I take steps to create a beautiful and fulfilling life for myself.

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Principle Nine
A goddess makes rational relationship decisions.

_________________________________________________ Did you ever notice that, microscopically speaking, sperm looks like tiny number 9s? For this (and other reasons that will become clear), I like to refer to seminal fluid as Love Potion Number Nine (LPN9). Actually, this is not just a metaphor; seminal fluid contains dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and vasopressin, testosterone, and estrogen. These hormones, once inside a womans vagina (or mouth, or even on her skin) infuse into her bloodstream. This hormonal tonic increases her sense of pleasure and serves to hormonally bond her to the male who just left his magic potion inside of her. Thus, her pleasure is not just elicited from her own sexual experience, but from the hormones he just introduce into her body during it. Add to this phenomenon the underpinnings of emotional memory and we begin to understand the power of LPN9. Even those who use condoms are not completely immune to it. Although condoms do help by keeping his hormones out of her body, a woman releases her own oxytocin into her bloodstream during sexual arousal and orgasm. Oxytocin is a powerful bonding hormone; thus, a hormonal bond will form with whomever the female is in proximity to immediately during its release (i.e. the man who is laying on top of her, or the man of her continual fantasies). So... if a woman has an initial emotional memory resonance with a man, and she is exposed to his LPN9, and she has an orgasm at approximately the same time, she will powerfully

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bond with him, hook line, and sinker. Like a just-hatched duckling follows its mother, she will follow him to the ends of the earth, and abandon logic, her own wellbeing, and her pride in order to do so. (Can you say cave-girl, boys and girls?) LPN9 can have a brainwashing power too; a woman who bonds to a man may be absolutely convinced that he is bonded to her in the same waywhich, as we all know, he may or may not be. We are talking about intelligent, beautiful women here... women who have the power to create amazing lives for themselves, but who trade it all for hopeless romance. We have all known a woman or two like thiswho disregards Love Potion # 9 is blatant evidence that her the silent culprit behind heartthrob is just not that into obsession and heartache! her. She pines... and pines... and pines... he avoids... and avoids... he (possibly) comes back for sex... and then avoids again... She continues with her pursuit, because she knows in her heart that he is in love with her too! Or, worse, she knows he doesnt care anymore but she stays a slave to her emotional patterns and continues to pursue him... and seems unable to stop herself. In the meantime, everyone else around her thinks, Has she lost her marbles? He is an idiot! He is dating someone else! He hasnt called her in three weeks! Yet she persists... constantly checking her phone and email from him... driving by his house after work or in the middle of the night... calling him and leaving dismal messages for him, which he rarely, if ever, returns. She will argue against any suggestion that he is not in love with her (hes just scared of commitment and is running from his feelings, right?) and, in the worst cases, even her longtime friendships may disintegrate as the situation is simply too

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painful for onlookers to bear. What in the world is going on here? Noshe is not certifiably mad. This is all part of the powerful spell of LPN9. Men have a sexual pursuit area that is 2.5 times larger than in the female brainwhich accounts for the games he plays when trying to get some. To boot, his brain emits far less oxytocin after orgasm than a womans brain doesabout onefourth the amount (I know... it is just not fair...). This means that after sex, women can literally become significantly more bonded than men do. This is exactly why a man will hop out of bed right afterwards; they are used to women shifting to cling mode after he plows her down... and he is simply not there emotionally. Yet. So here is an outrageous concept for you: what if you could just enjoy sex without worrying about whether or not he is going to commit to you afterward? (WHUUHHHT???!!! Did she really write that?! Oh the shame! The horror! Enjoying sex without an iron-clad commitment? What kind of ho is writing this book, anyway?!) But before you get your feathers ruffled, ask yourself if your emotional attachment and ironclad rules of romance have been working for you? Do you have the love you desire? Do your romantic partners stick around? Or do they usually disappear without explanation? Knowledge is your best friend here. He may not want the cuddle time that you so intensely crave after sex. He doesnt give a rip about basking in the afterglow. He is probably not feeling the overwhelming emotional bond that you have just discovered between you twoat least not to the level that you do. Not yet, anyway. Girlfriend, you need to stop making him so wrong for it. These are just aspects of his biological programming that you will never, ever, ever. EVER be able to

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control. The only way to get him to fall for you is for you to start behaving in a healthier, less possessive and less needy way. It is the only way he will ever build up enough oxytocin which is needed to bond with you... a.k.a.: needed to fall in love with you. He will never do that if you are coming at him with the sex-and-commitment rule book from hell! Stop personalizing his perceived lack of attachment to you. His oxytocin bank is highly lacking compared to yours. Sadly, a woman will often shut his oxytocin faucet off completely by becoming clingy and emotional in the afterglow. She asks, Was it good for you? Or will say, Wow, Ive never felt this way about anyone! She reaches for him, holds on to him, gets choked up and misty-eyed, and gazes at him with pleading eyes that scream, Please love me!! and Please dont ever leave me! and all of that other Victorian dogma bull that keeps her completely disempowered and waiting for his approval of her. Ugh. Instead of behaving this way, just lay back on the pillow and chill. Remind yourself that you have cave-girl cling programming going onand he doesnt. You are learning a whole new way of being in the romantic world, and it is going to feel odd, and maybe even a little bit scary at first. But if you have not created the results you want by doing things your way then you have nothing to lose by trying it the goddess way. Moving to a place of sex without attachment will put you in the drivers seat of your romantic life. When a man loses his predictable foothold on a woman and her emotions, he also loses control over dictation of her happiness and dreams. She regains control of her life. This means that his inner-hunter remains on the prowl for her... which means, of course, that his biological programming will keep him in pursuit of her... which

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means that his hormonal attachment to her increases, which means he (eventually) trips himself up over his heartstrings that have mysteriously formed for her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 50 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When a man loses his predictable stranglehold on a womans emotions, she regains control of her life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A naive female will continue to ingest the LPN9over and over again, through her real or imagined sex play and subsequent hormonal system dumpand she will remain hooked on him...til death do us part. Her whole life will literally be a waiting period... a waiting period for love to unfold. Yet, it never does, because she disregards the main ingredients of true love: mutual respect, emotional detachment, and an open heart. The more emotionally detached you can be after sex (without acting cold or indifferent towards him: that is NOT healthy detachment!) the more comfortable he will feel hanging around you, the more he becomes attached to you, the more he will hormonally and neurologically bond to you, and the greater your chances of happily ever after you so badly desire. Please stop with all of your disempowering beliefs that you just cant live without him. Let go of the fear that he might just be using you for sex. If you are an empowered and self-aware woman, you wont attract a man who would treat you like that in the first place. In fact, The more you start viewing sex as an expression of a sacred and beautiful soul-connectioninstead of an act that leads to solitary confinement, the more confident you will be within the context of your relationships. Be one of those rare women who doesnt come at him with expectations and

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pleading emo-attachments. Your love-vibe will surely improve!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 51 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The more you start viewing sex as an expression of a sacred and beautiful connection, instead of an act that leads to solitary confinement, the more confident you will be in your romantic relationships. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Again, please note that I am not advocating that you start bedhopping or that you sleep with every guy you date. Not at all! Rather, sex without attachment is a mindset that I want you to (silently) adapt to help you regain your emotional footing within your romantic relationships. No man can possibly be the source for you happiness, self-esteem, or fulfillment. Even married women can practice these concepts with her husband; this more of a mindset that guides you to healthier patterns of personal mastery, rather than staying enslaved to your old emotional memory patterns and viewing your sexual partner as your source for joy. Post-sex statements women say that signify cling: Please dont ever leave me! How do I know you wont leave me for someone else? Do you like my body? Im so scared you will fall out of love with me! When will I see you again? Are you just using me for sex? These statements are total killjoys and will keep him distanced from you... and not in any way entice him fall in love with you. I know this idea of emotional detachment seems like a completely backward concept, but it really isnt. Or, maybe you are thinking, Well, damn! Ive already blew it with him! Ive

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totally fallen for this guy who is showing signs of disinterest. Ive already acted clingy and needy. Is it possible to undo the damage Ive done with him? Why... yes it is! LPN9 is incredibly effective for undoing this sort of damage to relationships, because it will alter the unhealthy way that you energetically show up in your relationships. An ancient antidote has been discovered in the shrines of goddesses past, encased in mummified hearts of the men who adored them. This ancient and secret antidote is 100% effective if its directions are followed faithfully. The downside is that some of the ingredients are bitter, and therefore may prevent some women from taking it. Side effects can include nervousness, nausea, unexplained pain, and crying oneself to sleep. But this antidote does work. Famously. The kicker? The LPN9 Antidote doesnt cost one penny! The LPN9 Antidote touts a 100% effectiveness rate and is indicated for: Getting your life back Restoring your self-esteem Restoring your self-respect Giving you the emotional space to live your life Getting him to notice youin healthy ways Clarifying his motives in the relationship I will reveal to you now, the secret antidote. But lets keep it on the down-low. Do NOT advertise to your ex that you are taking it because that will considerably decrease its efficacy.
____________________________________________

The Clandestine Love Files Antidote Sector CONFIDENTIAL

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Antidote for Love Potion #9 -One part self-respect -One part emotional clearing -Faith in divine order -Distance from LPN9 donor -Personal pursuits and interests -Passion-for-life -Time Directions: Blend one part self-respect and one part emotional healing. Combine with sustained distance from LPN9 donor. Fold in generous amounts of Personal Pursuits and Interests. Scoop spoonfuls of Faith into mixture and stir until all lumps are gone. Add one dash of Passion-for-life. Blend at medium speed until light and fluffy. Do not over beat. Bake for one to three months or until heart is golden light and hope is restored. Sprinkle with joy, laugher, and your own dazzling beauty. Suggested uses: This antidote can be used anytime the counterproductive effects of LPN9 show up. Use it anytime inferiority, helplessness, or hopelessness tempt you to doubt your own beauty and magnificence. Note that the LPN9 antidote cant eliminate the bonds of true-love. In fact, applying the antidote will serve to eradicate disrespect, fear, and dysfunctional behavior from the LPN9 donor who may be occluding his true-love from LPN9 recipient. ____________________________________________

Caution: Application of the antidote may cause bizarre and unusual behavior from LPN9 donor; since he is not used to you putting up any resistance or distance between you, he will likely

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increase his pursuit of you. He will pull all of your heartstrings and try to get you back to how things used to be. But for the antidote to be effective, you must limit your exposure to the LPN9 donor. Beware that LPN9 comes in different strengths and formulations: Daydreaming about him Fantasizing about him Keeping pictures of him around Reading/rereading his past emails and texts Talking to him under the pretense of just friends Sleeping with him when he does come around So what does this mean? It means that you must lose his phone number. You must take down the pictures and get them out of your home and work environment. Dont email or text him. Dont fantasize about being with himsexually or otherwise. In fact, this is a wonderful time to make up a fantasy guy (or four) to help you through your lover withdrawals. Not that escaping into la-la land is a be-all-end-all practiceit most certainly is NOTbut it is a helpful adjunct to the LPN9 Antidote. Besides, a fantasy guy (or two) can help you clarify what you really, really want in a relationship and keep you from falling into bed with a rebound loverwhich can be damaging to your self-esteem. Further, chances are good that your fantasy man is not out with other women or prompting you to feel lousy about yourself... although this does happen with some women. If this is your case, please step back and take a look at your romantic expectations. If a man truly does love a woman, she will know it through his actions after she takes the antidote! Therefore, use the antidote liberally, with faith and absolute abandon. Know, too, that

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LPN9 is tenacious... and tricky. It will cause your exs memory to pop into your mind at the peak of orgasm. It will show you his eyes as you come down from it. It will bring him into your dreams and make you doubt your sanity for wanting to get over him. You will think, Oh my gosh! What am I doing? I will never have another love like this again! He is just sooooooo perfect for me! So your subconscious mind will try to get you to sabotage and manipulate your thoughts to the point of rationalizing his presence in your life again. If you indulge in this neurological game... wham! You will become bonded to him all over again. To guard against this, remind yourself that this is YOUR brain, and YOU and only YOU get to choose what thoughts are going on in your head at all times. Choose self-respect above all else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 52 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Remind yourself that this is YOUR brain and YOU get to choose what thoughts are going on in it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One very important point for the non-committed single folks who are having sex: condomsgood. Use them. Besides protecting from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy, condoms will keep his LPN9 from infusing into your bloodstream... which removes his unfair advantage... of your hormonal tendencies as a woman. Until you can implement the goddess process fluently, stay confidently aware of your own brilliance, and are in a committed, mutually exclusive romantic relationship (not just in your mind, but in his mind too) condoms will help you stay in the drivers seat of your own life. Dont give that position away to anyone... no matter how handsome, sexy, smart, or perfect for you he is. He is not more brilliant, more perfect, or more beautiful than you

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are. His desire for condom-less sex is NOT more important than your peace of mind or you keeping hold of your personal power. If he refuses to wear a condom, get up and dress immediately, and leave. Or if he is at your place, do the same, and insist that he leave. He might get annoyed or angry, but his respect for you will dramatically increase. If you want to get your wits back about you, stop fantasizing about him. You MUST stop sleeping with him or thinking about sleeping with him; all that is doing is keeping you pigeonholed into loneliness and reinforcing your bond to a man who is taking advantage of you and wondering how long he can get away with it. The answer to this is as long as you let him. Remember: hormonally speaking, it takes a man takes at least four times as long to fall in love as it takes a woman. This is especially true if she is delaying (or stopping) his fall by acting clingy, possessive, or simply not interesting enough. Again... what is the best way to become an interesting woman? Why, to be insatiably interested in your own life, of course! Think about it: you can either continue to indulge in the spiraling love spell and keep pining away for a man who has already proven his inability at stepping into your hearts desire, or you can open yourself up to infinite possibilities of romance. Incidentally, breaking the LPN9 spell will in no way doom a relationship that is destined to be lived in this lifetime. Hormonal bonds are far less potent than the divine destiny that the universe has planned for you. So for those women who are frightened to actually walk away and break her bonds to him for fear that nothing better will come along? Releasing unhealthy emotional attachments and moving back to trust are crucial for love to flow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 53 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Releasing unhealthy emotional attachments and moving back to trust are crucial for love to flow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only way to tell if a man is in love is through the actions he consistently executes within the relationship. Is he attentive and kind? Or distant and rude? Does he avoid your emails? Or send I love you texts throughout the day? Is he faithful? Or dating other women and telling you he wants to be single? Ladies, this is not rocket-in-his-pocket science. It is life. Deciphering the biology behind sex and loveand taking to heart the truth of his actions will give you a healthy advantage in your romantic relationships. However, many women find themselves emotionally-confined to a man who is not, in any way, stepping into her hearts desire. The good news is that we can literally train our subconscious mind to step back and observe our current reality... and, if necessary, make new choices that support our dreams. The LPN9 Antidote points the way. In order to effectively administer the LPN9 Antidote, we can pull in the wisdom discussed in Chapter Four: The DistanceIntimacy Balance. Distance is a crucial ingredient in Love Potion Number Nine. The best way to integrate this step is by making the effort to follow your own personal pursuits and interests. The hardest part of this is recognizing thatyeahmaybe youve been hit by a pseudo-cupid. But knowing what you do now about our biological bonding processes, can you forgive yourself for staying stuck in a bad relationship and allowing yourself to be used and disrespected? Of course you can! It is your anthropological programming has you spinning. Damn evolution... but once again, we are all stuck with it, and simply

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need to find practical ways to deal with it. Now that you are armed with the LPN9 Antidote, so be sure to use it! Love Language: 1. I make sound, rational decisions... even when I feel emotional. 2. I can move beyond my neurological and hormonal urges. 3. I dont need to stay hooked on any one romantic partner. 4. I am moving forward to wonderful possibilities of love. 5. I easily let go of relationships that arent working for me. 6. I am learning to live life from my heart... but this doesnt mean I abandon logic. 7. It is rational and healthy to put myself first sometimes. 8. I honor the distance necessary for me to heal and move on. 9. I respect myself; this is reflected in my relationship choices.

Principle Ten
A goddess lives the authentic (real) version of herself.

_________________________________________________ Do men really want women just for sex? It can look like that, sure, especially to women who believe it. But this notion should never be taken at face value and, at the very least, it deserves a bit more exploring. This idea that pigeonholes men into unfeeling, self-serving sex-bots is also part of the futile

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generational wisdom that served only to disempower beautiful women... and keep them second guessing how absolutely desirable and magnificent they really are. SO! If Mama gave you the men just want one thing advice, put it aside for a moment. Mama didnt know any better. Mama was misinformed. Mama was only telling half story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 54 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If Mama gave you the, Men just want one thing advice, put it aside for a moment. Mama didnt know any better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You will never create love with the notion that men only value you for your vagina. In fact, this statement is an unfair bias. Most men are not heartless sex-a-holics. Most are good guys. But even good guys get put off by a needy woman; even they will try all sorts of tricks and play all sorts of games when they are trying to avoid an extreme clinger! Lets explore how this men only want women for sex belief came about and why it continues to plague modern society. First, notice that this statement has several ludicrous inferences: Men are devoid of emotions. (False!) Men are incapable of connecting to a woman or falling in love. (Tell that to the guy who wont leave you alone!) Men are only concerned about getting their rocks off. Nothing else matters to them. (Bogus!) Men are so focused on having sex that they dont care who gets hurt in the process. (Bunk!) If these statements were true, then every man in the world would simply settle down with the very most available girl in his life and engage in bottomless booty with her. It wouldnt matter how he feels about herhe just wants one thing... right?

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It is true that men have powerful sex drives. It is also true that, in the physical sense, sex with almost any womaneven a woman he doesnt really likecan give a man an orgasm. Even if he is gay, his body will respond to the physical act of friction. This is how many gay men father children before coming out to the world. A mans sex drive is often stacked against him when trying to play fair in the world of love. Picture this: Jimmy realizes that he just is not too into the girl he is out with one Saturday night. She is making herself way too available to him and is trying too hard to impress him. She has little vested interest in her own life. So she just doesnt have the it factor that drives him to pursue a relationship. This doesnt, in any way, suggest that Jimmy wont take her to bed. He is a man. His horniness does not necessarily mean he is into her. She is female. She is available. She hasnt been around long enough to become clingy or annoying. Yeeee-hawww!!! Loosen dem britches, Darlin! And lets have a go! Yes, Jimmy could have done the noble thing and walked away from Miss Available-and-Willing. But if you want to know how hard that is for men to do, it is like you walking away from a glass of water after you have just ran a marathon through a desert. If it is the only glass of water available, then it doesnt matter if is a glass of cool mountain spring water or a glass of tepid city tap water. You will drink it. Enthusiastically. This is very akin to the struggle that men have with discernment when it comes to having sex with a girl who may or may not be a good relationship fit for him. As girls we simply cant relate to that. We would rather have a date with our battery operated boyfriend than to take just any guy to bed to get our fix. There are exceptions, of course. Some women sometimes have sex with tepid city tap water men, but this behavior is usually emotionally-driven and comes about when she is trying to

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forget about the man who broke her heart. Further, women think that men have the same attachment patterns to their sex partners as women do. Thats not true either. Actually, I highly recommend that you sleep with no one until you develop a sound sense of self-confidence. A solid selfconfidence can help you make rational decisions in the afterglow. The powerful emotional attachments that women often experience after sex are a combination of the hormonalbonding tonic (discussed in Chapter Nine) and a desire to fill unmet emotional needs through her sexual partner (discussed in Chapter Five). This is a recipe for disaster, and is exactly where the men just want one thing! belief originates. This combobond can wreak havoc on otherwise perfectly wonderful sexual relationships. Not only does it disempower women within those sexual relationships, it often repels men... and sends them running for their freedom. Not to fear though; now that you know better, you can stay a step ahead of the game; if you feel Debunk Mamas bad relationship advice. overwhelmingly attached to NO- most men do NOT your partner after sex, and he just want one thing! doesnt seem to be on that same wavelength, give yourself time. Step back. Reassess. Breathe. Honor the distance that is needed to intrigue him enough to enthusiastically come your way. Back to Jimmy and his not-so-exciting date: after the sex, she falls in love with him (she was already following him around like a just-hatched duckling). She mistakes his sexual arousal as a sign that he is totally into her. She flutters around for the next couple of days with her head in the clouds and her pearly pink toes dancing on the ground.

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Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jimmy has just returned from a date with a different girl. He didnt really like her either. But she had even bigger hooters and was easier to bed than the last girl. Truthfully, he already feels bad about ducking #1. Now, another one. Jimmy knows he is hurting both girls feelings by ignoring their text messages and voicemails. So in order to deal with his guilt, he dons the bad boy persona and labels himself as a playa. He tells himself that these girls were just two more notches in his belt, and it is just too bad for them that they became victims of his smoldering lovelock. He then essentially shuts down his feelings, drinks a few beers, and zones out in front of the TV. Later that week he will go out with his buddies and look for the next duckling to hatch. He does this to quell the feelings of guilt and preserve his freedom at the same time. The playa persona serves both. Both ducklings are just too gaga over him. Dull... Guess what? A week from now, he calls duckling #1 and has sex with her again. A few days later he calls duckling #2. She tells him to go to hell and slams the phone down in his ear. So... he calls back duckling #1 and has sex with her again. Jimmy now looks like he just wants one thing, especially if he has bedded several ducklings in the process. Really girlsthis doesnt make him a bad guy. Men must have sex. They physiologically must orgasm... and often. If they dont, it can literally make them sick. For starters, sexless men have a much higher risk of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, prostate cancer, and heart disease. This, however, doesnt mean that you should become a philanthropic hussy and start performing sexual favors for lonely men. It simply means to be aware that most men want to be noble, but physiologically it is just very hard for them... with

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one exception: it is hard for him to be noble... UNLESS he is in love with a woman. Then all of his sexual energy will be spent on her. Easily and willingly. His desire to hatch ducklings will mysteriously fall away. This is precisely why you want to be sure of his intentions before you sleep with him. Is he really into you? Or is he just horny? The confident woman knows the difference. Remember, Goddess: to a marathoner in the desert, that glass of tepid city tap water looks just as delicious and refreshing as that glass of cool mountain spring water. You are the glass of cool mountain spring water. Choose a man who recognizes that. Sadly, a duckling will incorrectly interpret a mans disinterest in her as a sign that she is ugly, fat, or undesirable in some way. This is such a nasty blow to her ego that she will subconsciously make moves on another, less emotionally threatening guy... (meaningshe is not attracted to him and he is incapable of hurting her the way Mr. Unavailable did) or accept his romantic advances towards her. This is why, in the world of romance, it is fairly common for a brokenhearted woman to find herself in bed with a Mr. Rebound. I call this phenomenon the Surrogate Mate Complex. Note that not all women have this tendency. However, enough of them do, that I want to discuss it. The Surrogate Mate Complex is a term I spun from Harry Fredrick Harlows rhesus monkey experiment in which baby rhesus monkeys, who normally cling tightly to their biological mother in infancy, were taken from their mother and given, instead, a surrogate mother: a cylinder of carpet-wrapped mesh. The baby monkeys clung to carpet-wrapped mesh in the same way they would their biological mothers. This cruel experiment allows us to derive many powerful conclusions about

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attachment and bonding and generalize them to the human experience. So why is the Surrogate Mate Complex so destructive? Well, first of all, the woman who is living it is walking, talking, and breathing an out-and-out lie. This sends confusing signals to the universe and can really mess up her love-vibe. Further, if she decides to have sex with Mr. Surrogate, which is very often the case, her body will sexually respond to him. This creates incongruence between her physical and emotional structures, which causes significant mental stress. Im sexually turned on but not at all attracted to him? Yuck! Whats wrong with me? She will subconsciously feel like her body betrayed her... and thus will develop a sense of disgust towards herself. She misses Mr. Unavailable more than ever! She leaves her wellintentioned Mr. Surrogate confused as she departs to indulge in a good cry. (Mr. Surrogates inner hunter is then triggered, and he may soon be on her trail and will perhaps even fall in love with her.) She is so consumed with grief over the fact that Mr. Unavailable is well, unavailable that she may even enter into a relationship with Mr. Surrogateand have herself and everyone else convinced that she really likes him and doesnt even think about Mr. Unavailable anymore! As dysfunctional as this is, it is not uncommon. Disgust or anger toward yourself after your romp with Mr. Surrogate is normal. So dont be too hard on yourself; you are just trying to figure things out in the world of romance and to regain your footing. Disgust and anger will not bring you the love you desire. As Louise Hay explains, You cant plant onion seeds and expect roses to grow! Sage advice, indeed. If you find you have been carrying on with a surrogate mate, the first thing I want you to do is take steps to realign with your

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authentic self. Be brutally honest with yourselfand Mr. Surrogate; break it off with him immediately if you are not attracted to him. Only you know the truth in your own heart. Stand in that truth. Your surrogate mating will never lead to happiness; it simply becomes a sad-and-bogus waiting game with no end. Secondly, practice self-forgiveness and return to your center. Your truth. Your vitality. Your love. Close your eyes, take a breath and say, I forgive myself. Then do what you need to do to move on from him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 55 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Practice self-forgiveness and return to your center. Your truth. Your vitality. Your love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dating a surrogate mate comes from fearnot love. It denotes a yearning for distraction. Like the baby rhesus monkeys, it is a subconscious fix for what is broken. Instead of staying with a surrogate mate, step back... and give your heart a chance to heal what truly needs to be healed. Remind yourself that you are human, and therefore will make mistakes. Because you are human, you can learn from those mistakes... and make better choices. Have some grace with yourself, and remember, in the divine order of things, there really are NO mistakes, just spiritual lessons. No surrogate dating ! Remind yourself of the importance of authentic expression and genuine affection; if you are doting on a man whom doesnt truly resonate with your heart, get real. Only YOU know the truth. If you are not attracted to a man, there is no reason to keep seeing him. Break up with him... as lovingly and firmly as possible. Then do some inner work on yourself. Own your pain. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Be with it. Then ultimately, release it... and keep moving forward on your

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healing journey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 56 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Own your pain. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Be with it. Then ultimately, release it... and keep moving forward on your healing journey. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now back to Bad Boy Jimmy: the reason he keeps going out and dating different girls (they are all physically beautiful, by the way) is that none of them stimulated the most imperative thing that needs to be stimulated for a man to fall in love. No, I am not referring to Big Jim and the Twins. Remember? Anything with eyelashes and a vagina can do that. But what has not gotten stimulated by the ducklings is his inner-hunter. So after the initial, Wow, shes just so damn hot! wears off which takes about forty-two minutes and a blowjobhe is left with... what? A girl with little investment in her own life who just made it all too easy for him to take her to bed. So he subconsciously continues to seek for a girl who is not so easily won, dating all of the different girls he can in the process, serving the inner playa and breaking hearts along the way. Lets throw in a hypothetical situation to observe the process of a man falling in love. Jimmy goes to work and spies a new office gal, lets call her Elaine, in another department who doesnt give him the time of day. She walks right by him to the break room without even a glance in his direction. He watches her intriguing little jiggle all the way down the hall. This goes on for a few weeks. A casual hello from him at the water cooler returns a non-enthusiastic half-smile. At the company Christmas party she walks in, dressed to the nines. She gives the definite impression that her self-worth is not derived from wearing a pretty party dress and sparkly earrings. She eats. She

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laughs, converses, smiles, and stays centered in her own power. Jimmy finally gathers his courage and approaches her. He makes small talk with her over the wine bar. Elaine is sweet and charming and engages in conversation. She by no means agrees with everything he says. Finally, he says, Hey, we should hang out some time. She winces a bit and replies, Actually, I have a personal policy: I dont date men from work. She quickly changes the subject. Have you tried the shrimp? Its soo good! He is left with a little blow to his ego. At that moment, a series of biochemical and neurological impulses trigger his innerhunter, and BAM! Just like that, he is attached to her. Translation: he neurologically became attached to her. Just like that, girls. Just like that! So... do you behave like Elaine? Or are you more like a duckling? At the office the next week, Jimmy tries to make conversation with Elaine. He tries to leave for the elevator when she does. He thinks up silly reasons for needing to go to her department. The whole time he has got his eye on that sweet prize of a woman who thinks more of her, I dont date men from work rule than him. Hmmm... This is a first. She finally concedes to having coffee with him at the building caf bar one morning when she is just jonesin for a cup-of-joe. She keeps the encounter relatively short, stating after ten minutes, Thank you for the coffee, Jimmy. I need to get back. She stands up before he can protest. A less confident girl might cave to his asking, Oh, come on! Cant you just visit for five more minutes? She will say, Oh, okay! and plop back down in her seat, taking this as a sign that he really likes herwhich maybe he does. But he would like her even more if she stuck to her guns and said, So sorry, just cant today.

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Back to Elaine... a few lunch dates ensue, and eventually a dinner date. Elaine is always kind and thoughtful. She kisses sweetly but never lets it be more... for a couple months that is, until she is sure he is worth her loving while. (This is the true notion behind the virtue of waiting for sex... not all that bunk that turns the sexual waiting into a quasi-pious, manipulative game...) When she looks in his eyes, his head spins and his heart flops in his throat. She loves him passionately, kisses wildly, and tells him how insanely sexy and gorgeous he is... and does so without being sappy or emotional. She acts totally normal after sex, which means no emotional latching, no expectations and no needy promises. She simply says, Im starving. Lets order in. and pulls out her Blackberry. How does Italian sound? Because of Elaines exemplary goddess behavior, Jimmy has no reason to put up his guard, so his oxytocin bank continues a-pumpin. What Elaine has essentially done is set the stage for Jimmy to get out of his own way so that he can finally fall in love. All of the sudden, Jimmy is absolutely certain that he has found the one and he starts planning his Valentines Day surprise. Mind you, this is the same man who the ducklings concluded only wanted one thing. So whats changed? Simply his neuro/hormonal-chemistry... a.k.a. his ability to connect with a dream goddess... an ordinary woman in disguiseand ONLY because she wasnt so easily won.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 57 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So whats changed? Simply his neuro/hormonal-chemistry, and therefore, his ability to attach to a dream goddess... an ordinary woman in disguise-and ONLY because she wasnt so easily won. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is important to point something else out: when Elaine is with

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Jimmy, she is fully present with him. She doesnt pretend not to care about him. She doesnt pretend not to like him. In fact, she holds his hand, kisses sweetly, loves him passionately, and tells him he is gorgeous. In essence, Elaine lets Jimmy know how much he means to her without being sappy, needy, or overly emotional. The difference between her and the ducklings is that she has never lost her center and hasnt made her whole life about him. That, and Jimmy knows she would walk away from him in a heartbeat if he ever pulled a Peter Pan stunt or regressed into troll-zone. She is never said so; he just knows. Dont ever be a predictable, romantically safe woman to any man. Ever! No matter how much you love him. Actually... especially if you love him. Your relationships will turn passionless and boring if you are always around or are trying too hard to show him what he means to you. He wants the chase. He needs to be able to exert some measure of the hunt in order to stay aroused and interested in you. So if he goes on hiatus for a week, and you start getting restless, wondering if you should call him or not, dont! Instead, get busy with your own interests. No more being the eager-toplease or safe-girl! Yes-he wants a kind, polished, and wellspoken woman... but he also wants a woman who doesnt always play by the rules.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 58 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ No more being the eager-to-please or safe-girl! Yes-he wants a kind, polished, and well-spoken woman... but he also wants a woman who doesnt always play by the rules. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dont surprise him by showing up at his work, wearing a cute little sundress and holding a plate of cookies. Because if you do, guess what? Hell love the cookies. Hell think, Damn that girl

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can bake! Which is greatif he is an entrance judge for the next Pillsbury Bake Off Contest. But sadly, his inner hunter will take a snooze, and you surprising him with your baked treat will in no way convince him that you are any more sexually desirable than you were yesterday. In fact, it will be counter-productive to that end. So no cookies. No surprise visits. Stay mysterious. Be unpredictable. Get lost. Let him chase you. Now, obviously, if you two are in a healthy romantic relationship, and he is being a sweet, respectful, and attentive romantic partner, then YES! Showing up at his work with a plateful of cookies is a wonderful act of kindness on your part. This is much different than you showing up at some guys work whom youve only had a few dates withor worsejust met! It is important for you to get uber-clear on your intentions: are you giving the cookies as a sincere act of love? Or are you trying to get him to like you? Are you imparting this act of kindness because you know it will mean a lot to him? Or are you trying to show him how thoughtful and awesome you are? Because you are even more awesome if he needs to chase you. Another important point: it is crucial for you to address and change your irrational belief that men just want women for sex. Otherwise, you could trip yourself up when a really great guy comes along. Its no secret that we project our beliefs and fears onto the world around us... and those beliefs somehow show up for us to experience. The men just want women for sex belief is a great but costly example of this. I have a good friend, John, who has been a friend of my family for years. John is one of the most awesome guys on the planet. He is very good-looking, very confident, and a total sweetheart, so it is understandable that he

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intimidates a lot of women. Nonetheless, over the years, Ive noticed that John is the epitome of an awesome boyfriend to the girls he dates. He is faithful, easy-going, and fun. He and I had a recent discussion about his last girlfriend, Tina, and how she epically FAILED to come across as an empowered woman. As he explained it, She just got a wild bur up her ass and thought I was just using her as a bed-buddy. Before that day, she was super fun; we had awesome chemistry, and off-thecharts sex. I thought she and I were going to end up together, actually. Whatever the case, on this fateful day, after several months of him wining and dining her on a regular basis, Tina coldly announced to John that she knew he was just using her for sex and was just viewing her as a bed buddy. She explained that she was no longer willing to have sex with him until he earned it. John thought she was just messin around and laughed it off. But when he saw her that night, she refused to have sex with himand again told him that he needed to earn it. It was so fing out of left field! He told me. We had just gone to a dinner and concert a few days before that cost me over $200. I spent so much money and time with her, it was obvious how I felt about her and that I wasnt using her for sex. John was so annoyed that he broke off their relationship, telling her, I dont know what youve been smoking, but if you think another guy is going to be a better boyfriend than me, then good luck finding him. John also has incredible resolve. So when Tinas apologetic and pleading phone calls came in the days and weeks that followed, he ignored them all. He never saw her again. So what happened here? My guess is that this young woman had a persistent subconscious belief (set by her well-intentioned

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but misinformed Mama) that men just want one thing. In spite of Johns exemplary boyfriend-behavior, Tinas subconscious belief overpowered reality, and their relationship ended disastrously. Tina ruined a great relationship with a one-of-akind guy out of her irrational fear that men only want women Mamas warning that for sex. So... NO, Girls. Men do not just want women for one thing. But some men might take it if it is available, especially if she gives it up too easily and he has been lonely. So when Mama told you, Men just want women for one thing! Mama was only telling half of the story. Mama was just regurgitating what her mama had told her. This is another example of generational wisdom that does nothing more than instill worry and frustration. Mama would have been much wiser to tell you, Honey, love yourself first. Then the world of romance will be yours. Because the truth is, he wants love too. But he wants it from a secure, balanced woman who pursues her own dreams and passions. You know... a woman like you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 59 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He wants love too. But he wants it from a secure, balanced woman who pursues her own dreams and passions. You know... a woman like you! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
men just want women for sex! mentally sets up her daughters for romantic disaster later in life.

Love Language: 1. I live the authentic (real) version of myself. 2. I am trading my old beliefs for supporting, loving beliefs. 3. I am rewriting my beliefs about romance.

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4. I am embracing all that is loving and beautiful. 5. I am stepping into my confident, genuine self. 6. I trust that the real me is more than good enough. 7. It is good to be a bit mysterious and elusive sometimes. 8. I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually balanced. 9. I am kind and thoughtful. Quick Anxiety Reducers Put an ice pack high on the back of your neck / the base of your skull; this cools and calms the limbic brain for an instant calm. Put a piece of chocolate in your mouth without chewing. Close your eyes, and put 100% of your attention on the chocolate. Notice the temperature of the candy, the way it melts, the feel of it in your mouth, and where on your tongue you can taste the chocolate. This is a simple mindfulness activity that brings you into the present moment. Move it! Historically, anxiety meant danger to humans. So if you just sit there, you will only get more anxious. Get up and walk, run, hop, skip, lift weights, cartwheel, box, roller-skate, bike ride, swing, chicken dancedo SOMETHING physical until the anxiety subsides. Put a few drops of essential lavender, chamomile, or rose oil in a spray bottle of water. Spray around you and breathe in the relaxing scent. (Use immediately to prevent rancidity.) Take five slow, very deep breaths, putting your entire attention on the movement of air in and out of your lungs. Use a feather to very lightly, slowly caress your arms and legs. This stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which will calm you.

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Take a cool shower. Cool calms. Heat induces agitation. Roll your feet over golf balls. Color or paint. This stimulates the right side of the brain. Sing or play a musical instrument. Dump a large bag of dry rice into a plastic tub and play with it. (You can also use dried peas, beans, or even sand). Tap your fingertips together. There are pressure points in the fingertips and this will instantly calm you.

Principle Eleven
A goddess doesnt compare herself to others to determine her self-worth.

_________________________________________________ Women who love and respect themselves dont get jealous of other women. Jealousy is nothing more than a false belief that you are somehow inferior to another. This stems from a lack of self-love. If you look closely, the women who often experience jealousy are the same women who routinely compare themselves to others. More often than not, they use these comparisons to boost their own self-esteem. Im prettier than her. Shes fatter than me. At least I dont have an ugly nose like that. She looks old. Shes annoying. Shes weird. Shes pathetic. Shes a slut. Shes a bitch. Shes pale. Shes wearing too much makeup. Shes stupid. She walks weird. Her legs are too short. Her hair is frizzy.

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The comparisons never cease. Her judgement becomes a way of life. By refusing to recognize the good in people, she spends almost all of her time in a state of judgement. It seems harmless enough... right? I mean... its not exactly like she is telling these people to their faces about how pathetic they are. Whats the big deal? The big deal comes back to the good ol Law of Attraction. Some people call this karma. Some people call it the law of energetic vibration. Whatever you call it, know that when we judge other people, those judgements come back to usnot just from other people judging us, but from us judging ourselves. These judgements show back up in our life as jealouslywhich is nothing more than an energetic reversal of those tables we have built with our perpetually critical, negative, Im better than you thoughts we have put out about others. Lets start with some facts about jealousy: Jealousy involves anxiety in your limbic brain Jealousys core belief is Im not good enough! Jealousy is a negation of your divine nature Jealousy indicates a disconnect from divine love Jealousy leads to thoughts of destructive revenge Jealousy is the precursor to most passion crimes

I often make reference to the gift of jealousy. How can jealousy be a gift? Jealousy gives us a perfect, unbiased reflection of our present level of self-esteem. No other emotion gives us this mirror so faithfully. If a woman is jealous of another woman, it means that she holds the belief that she, herself, is somehow inferior to this other woman. Otherwise, jealousy would never show up. Theres that nasty belief again... Im not

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good enough. The cure for jealousy is three-fold: 1) Reduce anxiety 2) Dissolve your belief of Im not good enough and 3) Reconnect to divine love through meditation or prayer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 60 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The cure for jealousy is three-fold: 1. Reduce anxiety 2. Dissolve your belief of Im not good enough 3. Reconnect to divine love ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The limbic brain consists of the amygdulaa small almondshaped cluster existing just above the human's brainstem, and the basil ganglia, which surrounds it. Acting like a storehouse of emotional memory, the amygdula is often referred to as the human's "old brain and it dictates our "fight or flight response. The amygdula becomes highly active in the presence of danger. Obviously, this response helped prehistoric man survive before homo-sapiens (modern man) appeared on the scene (about 1,000,000 years ago) and developed the cortex brain regions that generate our rational thought. Actually, theories about how and when homo-sapiens appeared on earth vary wildly, and I am not learned enough in the subject to form an opinion. What we need to understand here is that, historically, humans (or their prehistoric predecessors for that matter) were served well by a hyperactive amygdulagiving them the anxiety necessary to escape potential danger. We see this same fight or flight in humans today. Therefore, I use the term cave girl loosely, to refer to our more primal self who reacts to stimuli without thinking it through.

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In todays world, those who endure life-threatening events may develop a chronically hyperactive amygdula. This means that they will exhibit intense "fight or flight reactions well after the initial threat is gone. For example, a door slam down the hall will startle them significantly more than other people. People who have endured significant heartbreak in the past from romance-gone-wrong usually experience a hyper-jealousy response in later relationships. Jealousy is fed by over-activity (anxiety) in the amygdula. This is why jealousy feels so bad. It is also why techniques that can calm this response in the amygdula can reduce or eliminate the experience of jealousy. Anxiety triangulates with the other two aspects of jealousy: 1) the belief of Im not good enough and 2) a disconnect from your divine nature. The belief of Im not good enough causes significant inner-turmoil. This is because it is a false belief . (You are more than good enough. You just havent discovered that yet.) A belief that makes us feel this terrible is a false belief because it is counter to the truth of our divine nature. Sadly, jealousy is normalized and rationalized in our culture to the point of self-righteousness. Most people blame others for making them jealous. They use this rationalization for behaving in ways they would otherwise never even consider. But other people dont make us jealous; we make ourselves Jealousy is SOOO jealous. If you believe that a un-goddess-like... situation is making you Seriously, girl! You need jealous, what is really happening to get over it! is you are being confronted with appearances that feed into your belief of Im not good enough. It is fairly normal to have thoughts of revenge in response to

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jealousy. But having thoughts of revenge is much different than acting on those thoughts. Do not act on those thoughts. Let them pass. No good comes from carrying out acts of revenge. Again, we can blame your inner cave-girl here; a few million years ago; another female lurking around her mate was reason enough to clobber her over the head with a rock. We still have those impulses. Nowadays, thank goodness, we also have our fully developed cortex regions of our brain to keep us from picking up a big rock and taking out potential romantic competition. As one kind, but brokenhearted woman explained to me, Im not a violent person. I have never hurt anyone, and live a fairly peaceful existence. Ive never even met his new fiance. Ive just seen her in pictures. Today I was driving down the road and really scared myself because I suddenly had this sick fantasy of hunting her down while she was trying on wedding dresses and strangling her to death. Of course, I would never do such a thing, but it scared me that I was even thinking along those lines. Of course, I would never do something like that, but I didnt understand what was wrong with me! This woman was relieved to know that these types of thoughts are a natural part of the jealousy reaction that stems from our cave-girl programming, as well as what can be done to quell her anxiety (that fuels jealousy... which feeds the cave-girl). She followed the protocols in this book, worked on raising her own level of self-esteem, and worked on adapting the goddess mentality. Her thoughts of aggression and revenge dramatically reduced, and eventually disappeared. But some women arent able to move through their negative feelings so quickly. If severe enough and persistent enough, thoughts of revenge can lead to physical acts of aggression destruction of property, physical assault, stalking, obsession,

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and murder often stem from run-away-anxiety and low selfesteem; these two forces act like a tornado in our mind, which form a funnel-cloud of revenge that actually appear logical to us in the midst of it. Some women were raised in households where yelling, physical aggression and intimidation were commonplace and rationalized. Because of emotional memory, these women may struggle more than others do to keep their own aggressive thoughts and behaviors in check. Jealousy is a huge motivator for violence. It is vitally important for all of us to learn ways to calm anxiety and build self-confidence in order to deter thoughts of revengewhich could hold grave and life-long consequences. Carrying out plans of revenge will, at best, provide you with If you are thinking short-term relief as you bring about acting on thoughts down your victim to feel as bad of revenge, STOP. No as you do. Really, that is all you good ever comes from it are doing. Can this bring you and you could face love? Not in a million years. In serious consequences. fact, except for the sociopaths among us, destructive rage usually leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, embarrassment, and remorse. Carrying out acts of revenge will not help you heal anything . In fact, it will set you back eons in your love life. Moreover, if you take an honest look within, you will find that you are really just angry with yourself for giving up your personal power to someone else. Bringing that into awareness can help you regain your emotional footing and help you transform those emotional memory patterns that are duping you into the Im not good

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enough belief. Love cannot coexist with the energy of revenge. Please, Goddess. It is not worth the price to your spirit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 61 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love cannot coexist with the energy of revenge. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This doesnt mean that feelings of revenge hold no value for you. Im not suggesting that you strong-arm or ignore your feelings. Rather, talk to a trusted friend, therapist, minister, or another person who can help you work through your thoughts and emotions in a positive and helpful way. Exploring your emotional memory wounds from childhood and past romantic breakups can give you tremendous insight into your presentday romantic struggles. Again, any measure of jealousy denotes a denial of our own beauty and self-worth and should never be taken at face value. You are beautiful. You are lovable. You are worthy. You are an expression of divine love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 62 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You are beautiful. You are lovable. You are worthy. You are an expression of divine love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take some time to explore your desire for revenge. These feelings may be stemming from an earlier life-experience of invalidation, abuse, or other emotional trauma that lead you to believe that you were somehow not worthy of respect or love. Identifying those memories will give you a much better understanding of why you are feeling the way you are feeling now... and will have a profound and positive effect on your selfesteem. Please seek out a therapist if you are having difficulty coming to terms with your past; the right therapist can be extremely helpful.

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Further, if you are in a relationship with a man who is cheating or mistreating you, move on. Exercise discernment, personal power, and faith in the process. Use the Quick Anxiety Reducers on the previous page to quell the (normal) anxiety you have about moving on from him. Realign yourself and your actions with the high standards discussed Chapter Three. Acknowledge any fear you have, and visualize letting it go and releasing it to the universe. Visualize yourself living your life from your empowered, goddess self. One of the quickest ways to reduce anxiety is engaging in meditation and prayer. The reason being is that these practices still the mind and bring you to the present moment. Mindfulness practices, which are becoming very popular in therapeutic circles, are essentially the same thing as meditation and prayer. The common theme of these practices is that they all calm the mind and bring your focus to the present moment. Try this very simple mindfulness the next time you feel anxious: Take a deep breath and straighten your spine. Close your eyes. Allow your shoulders to relax and drop toward the floor. Notice your feet placement and make sure they are comfortable. Bring your entire attention to the rhythm of your breathing. Notice the air going in and out of your lungs. Sit very still and pay attention to the rhythm of your breathing. Do this for at least three minutes. Slowly return to the room. If a woman has a propensity towards jealousy, she will feel threatened when another beautiful woman walks into the room. On the other hand, if a woman is filled with self-appreciation and confidence in her own self-worth, she will not feel one bit threatened when a bombshell blonde with legs up to her neck walks into the room and steals her boyfriends attention for a second. She will either not care, or she will notice this other

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womans beauty also. If she does happen to see her boyfriends reaction, she will laugh to herself over him being sooooooo male. In any case, she remains at peace because she has an awareness of how incredibly beautiful and valuable she is too. When a woman embodies this awareness, her boyfriend feels it. It makes her alluring and attractive. A woman this confident is rare and desirable; he wont dare do anything to mess that up! Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend starts dating another woman. Lets pretend further that you, for whatever reason, view this other woman as better than you. Get this: She is NOT better than you. This situation merely triggers your subconscious belief that you are somehow an inferior woman. This is untrue, of course, but if jealousy rears its ugly head, it is a sign from your subconscious that you need to address your subconscious beliefs and examine why you are buying into this jealousy in the first place. A great place to start is by simply creating more joy, excitement, and passion in your own life... rather than focusing on whatever is going on in his. We do this by focusing our attention on our own interests. Doing so will ignite your inner fire and feed your soul and foster that self-confidence that invariable eradicates jealousy. The Im not good enough magically disappears, and your self-esteem is ultimately restored. This is a much more effective approach than the one most women takewhich is trying to boost self-confidence through physical means (i.e.: jewelry, makeup, pretty clothes, fancy car, a plastic surgery, new shoes, etc...) They utilize these outer effects to dictate their self-worth. They compare themselves to others and puff themselves up in efforts to hide their deeper fears of inadequacy. This is called conceit. It crashes and burns every

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time. Conceited and Confident are two very different things. Conceit is actually, Im not good enough in disguise. This is why conceited people work so hard to prove how worthy they are. Conceited people are very difficult to be around. They are constantly comparing themselves to others, trying to determine how worthy they are. Conceited people play all kinds of egotistical games that attempt to fill the Im not good enough abyss. Sadly, this approach not only affects their friendship circles, it leaves very little room for improvement in their love lives. Conceited people are so disconnected from their true nature that they are never able to reach a level of genuine intimacy with romantic partners. This perpetuates their cycles of loneliness. Although conceited people can appear to be very confident, Conceited people conceit actually stems from a are judgemental, rude, lack of self-worth. No one else and tend to make other can fix that for them. Until people feel awful about they come to terms with this themselves. within themselves, there is very little you can do to help them out of their silent hell. The only thing you can do is honor yourself, bless them, and then uneventfully back away from them... and all of the emotional toxicity they present. Then find yourself some new friends... and dating partners. Confidence on the other hand, comes from a deep sense self-love and self-worth. Confident people recognize their own value, so they naturally notice the value in others. Confident people are wonderful to be around; they lift others with their joyful and genuine energy. When we are filled with love and appreciation,

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our love-vibe is on full tilt; we become dramatically more attractive to romantic partners. Divine love is also an important part of overcoming jealousy. I am not talking about gleaning your boyfriends love, or allowing his opinion of you to dictate the way that you feel about yourself. I am talking about your own personal connection to God (the universe, your higher self). Divine love is a powerful energy, and once it finds the channel into your life it will flood your human experience and transform you (and those around) you forever. Divine love is the medium of miracles. The energy of divine love is difficult to describe. It is kind of like... trying to explain what water tastes like. We know the benefits of water, and crave it when we are dehydrated. But what does it taste like? It needs to be experienced to be understood. People who pray or meditate and routinely make time to connect to their spirituality enjoy a healthier self-esteem, clearer thinking, and a heightened sense of life-purpose. If jealousy does show up in their life, they can choose to take it into their prayer or meditation with them, and ultimately release it through the divine process.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 63 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ People who pray or meditate and routinely make time to connect to their spirituality enjoy a healthier self-esteem, clearer thinking, and a heightened sense of life-purpose. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Divine connection is like that; difficult to describe, but we know when we are in it. Yet, we are not so aware when we are disconnected. In fact, when we are disconnected, we usually, we

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dont recognize that anything is missing at all. I would like to approach this quandary about describing divine love with an example of it I experienced in my youth. It was, indeed, a moment in my life that shifted my consciousness forever. It was a moment when I unmistakably felt divine energy... when a right beforehand, I had no idea that anything was missing from my life at all: We were four sisters: Holly, age 13, Cynthia (Cindy), age 14, Laurel (me), age 15, and Mary Jan, age 17. We were all very close and loving as younger siblings; however, somewhere in our early adolescence, we sisters began to treat each other rudely. It was very ugly... yet, as mentioned earlier, undetected. Like wildfire, it spread through our sisterhood like a rampant disease. There is nothing I can pinpoint as the instigator... except maybe we were insecure in our own teenage bodies, as most young girls are, and we projected these insecurities onto each other. Ironically, we would attend church every Sunday and youth group every Wednesday. We went through the motions, learned ALL about Gods love and how it had the power to heal us and love our fellow man, and blah, blah, blah... whatever. Hey! Why are you wearing my lip gloss?! We had no idea that God was essentially missing from our life in spite of it all, and, really, that anything was wrong with our life in the first place. As mentioned, I was fifteen at the time and honestly, I was a total bitch to my sisters. We were all just awful to each other. Our mornings before school consisted of us primping and preening and admiring our own beauty in the mirror while sneering sideways at our sisters for doing the same. (Oh boy...) Never EVER did we share our makeup, hair spray, or jewelry with each other. We guarded our earthly possessions as if our lives depended on our sister not having access to our nail polish, hairspray, or blue jeans. OH boy...

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Dont ask me how we turned into that; my parents are the most loving, generous people on the planet. Certainly they didnt raise us to be like that! My mothers pleading for us to become more loving towards each other and treasure our sisterhood over silly earthly belongings fell on deaf ears. I didnt recognize at the time that she was coming from a place of fear and a sense of failure as our mother, which is why her requests only fed our disdain. In fact, we thought she was being ridiculous. We were perfectly fine being the way we were. What was she even talking about? Holly, our youngest (and truthfully the most selfish sister at the timeshe literally used to rope off her clothes in the closet with nasty warning signs: dont touch OR ELSE! and back off! This is MY STUFF!) decided to go on a church youth retreat one weekend. She was 13 then and was excited to go flirt with all the cute boys that were sure to be at the camp. She packed her bags, hoarding as much primping stuff as she could. The rest she lefteither hiding or roped off. She left the house yelling, Nobody better touch any of my stuff! and slammed the door. We scoffed in her direction and went about our day. Holly had an unexpected, life-changing moment during the retreat. As she later explained it, during a powerful prayer, the evils in her actions towards her sisters flooded into her awareness. Shame hit her like an avalanche... and she started crying. A moment later, she experienced intense and divine loveand she felt, on a core level, her spiritual reconnection with God... and us, her sisters. In this place of divine, there was no place for meanness. No place for jealousy. No place for selfishness. No place for the awfulness that we had been showing each other for far too long. For the rest of the weekend, she was energetically vibrating at such an intense state of love that she could barely contain her joy; tears of love were

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in her eyes constantly. She suddenly understood that in no way can true joy be found in hairspray, blue jeans, or makeup. She couldnt wait to get home to us. This kind of energetic shift is almost ineffable (that isimpossible to describe in words), but it is beautifully genuine to those who experience it. Holly came home from the retreat in the wee hours of Monday morning. I found out later that she came to each one of our beds, crying and hugging each of us while we slept, and apologizing for being so selfish. She went to the closet and dismantled the ropes over her clothes. She put a sign on the closet door: Dear Sisters, help yourself to ANYTHING of mine you want! I love you! Love, Holly. She pulled out her makeup and jewelry boxes from hiding and laid them on the vanity, for open access to everyone. To understand: we all slept in the master bedroom with two sets of bunk beds. We were used to lots of commotion in the room so we slept right through her activity before she retired to bed at about 2:00 a.m. The next morning would claim the most influential moment of my life. The bright lights in our room woke me at 7:00 a.m. I put my pillow over my head, in hopes of catching a few more Zs. Through the pillow I could hear some strange music playing on the stereo in our bedroom and became a little annoyed. What was this? Christian music? What on earth... where was the Van Halen? The Black Sabbath? The AC/DC that usually accompanied our morning primp? Somethin wasnt right. I took my pillow off my head and opened one eye to have a look. Holly was standing in front of the vanity mirror, curling her hair. I saw my sister, Cindy sitting at the vanity and applying makeup. Through my barely opened eye, I noticed that Cindy wearing one of my shirts. I sat up. What are you doing with my shirt on? Take it off. I climbed off the top bunk. Hey! Why are you

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I was stopped mid-sentence. Holly held her hand up and, with her brown eyes misty and lit with a beauty I had never seen in them, she said, Please, Laurel! Dont fight about clothes! You cant take them with you when you die! Love is all that matters! We need to love each other and stop being so mean to each other! Here! You can wear my clothes! Use my makeup! My jewelry! Whatever you want! I love you so much! Her connection to the divine was SO strong, and she spoke with such conviction that there was absolutely no room for rebuttal. It was as if my ego had slammed into a brick wall and I had nowhere to turn but to the truththat I love my sister way more than I could ever love my shirt. The clincher was that Holly was offering me ALL of her prized possessions, and she was happy about giving them to me? Ok ... who are you and what have you done with my sister?! I would have been less stunned if a horse had crashed through our roof and landed in my bed. The experience was almost surreal as my mental habits had no place to assimilate my sisters energy and behavior. I stood there feeling a bizarre combination of shame for my recent rant and the familiar energy of love for my sisters. This was a very different energy than my mothers pleadingseven though she had always essentially said the same thing to us. I watched Hollys eyes dance to the Christian musicall of the sudden it was not so offensive to meher smile lighting up the room like a noonday sun. My heart blasted wide open, and I started crying. Im sorry Cindy. Of course you can wear my shirt. Im being stupid. You look really pretty in it... Hugs and tears followed as we each went to our respective stuff stash and brought it out into the open for sharing. As we left for school, I dont think any of us had ever looked as beautiful as we did that morning... and I couldnt keep any makeup on,

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because I kept crying it right off of my face the whole day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Love Note 64 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The worlds best beauty secret is divine love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The reconnection to my sisters was a powerful experience. I realized how much I had missed them, even though they had been right in front of me all along. We were in a loving state of peace for many days after that... lovingly connected with each other again like we were when we were children. Our little brother, Cliffy, couldnt figure out what had come over us either; suddenly we were hugging him and inviting him to hang out with us, letting him know how much we loved him too. As an eleven year-old kid he moved into the flow too, and enjoyed the attention we were giving him. Even our friends, neighbors, and the kids at school I never normally talked to responded to my spiritual shift. I was smiling at everyone, and they were smiling backwhich made no sense to me at the time. But it does now. That is the power of divine love! If I had to pick one key moment that has changed my life forever, that moment in front of the vanity mirror would be it. The inconsiderate behavior between all of us sisters completely vanished, never to return. Over the next few days, Hollys euphoria quieted down, and we all settled into our newfound understanding. We began to listen to our hard rock during our primp time again. But we were just never the same as we were before the Divine touched each of us that morning. Not only did we learn to share with each other, shortly thereafter, our parents took in three teenage girls who had untold difficulties in their own families of origin. They didnt receive any money for this act of lovethey just saw the need for stability and love for these young girls, and, besides a few court documents that

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needed to be signed and processed, took them inno questions asked. We shared everything with them too! You know what? We always had enough stuff to go around! To this day, we have an open-closet, open jewelry-box, open makeup bag policyunwritten of course, amongst all of my sisters. We recognize that stuff is secondary compared to the beauty of love. We also have a genuine interest in the success and happiness of each othersomething that did not exist consciously before that fateful day of reconnection. People who pray or meditate and routinely make time to connect to their spiritual side enjoy a healthier self-esteem, clearer thinking, and a heightened sense of purpose. If jealousy does show up in their life, they can choose to take it into their meditation with them, and release it through the divine process. We have often heard from others, There is just something about your family. You guys are all so loving towards each other! Ive never seen anything like it. This is true. We are. Certainly, the divine love that Holly channeled into our family that day is still alive in us today. I want to emphasize something: this divine healing took place from one moment of divine love shining through one person: the youngest among us. One moment. One person. She met us not with frustration (as our well-intentioned mother had) but an intense energetic vibration of love that cast out our literal evils and imbued us with light. Hollys love in that moment eradicated years of resentment that had eaten away at our sisterhood, our self-esteem, and our souls. Her being a channel for God allowed Him to connect with that latent part of us that recognized truthand each of us transformed in an instant. In fact, this is the only way God ever worksin intense moments. No formal education required!

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Though we were raised Catholic and Holly went on a Catholic retreat, please dont get hung up on the how to find God. Miracles of this nature have taken place in almost every religious sect, in every culture, and over the span of centuries. None of us even practices Catholicism anymore. However, we are all very aware of Gods presencethe Divine Being who created each of us, and every wonder on this planet that spins into miracles every day. If you are experiencing any form of negativity from a family member, friend, or romantic partner, take a moment of silence. Ask for love to pour over you right now, and bless you both in the same ineffable way that it blessed me and my sisters that morning. Close your eyes, connect to whomever or whatever represents the Divine for you, and ask to see the situation with the eyes of love. You dont need to know how to do so. You only need to be willing. God will meet you halfway. Give up trying to prove yourself right... thats a fools errand. Connect with love... the love around you right now. Feel it bless you and bring you to a place of centered peace. A person who is energetically vibrating with love is wonderful to experience. People love to be around this person. Guess what? You have the potential to be this! In fact, it is your divine nature. If you are not experiencing love, something is blocking it. Like the teenage version of me, you may not even be aware that anything is missing from your life! The energy of romance is one form of divine energythat is, a very high, fast energy that moves at the speed of light. This is why it feels sooooooo good to fall in love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 65 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The energy of romance is a very high, fast energy that moves faster than the speed of light. This is why it feels so

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good to fall in love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jealousy is a low-vibration energy that moves at the speed of... err... the speed of shit. That is why it feels so... crappy to be in it. Thus, it is energetically impossible to attract the divine energy of romance in your life when you are in a state of jealousy, fear, resentment, or any other low-vibration emotion. In fact, the energy of jealousy can rip apart romance faster than a puppy can destroy a new pair of shoes. Once you understand on a core level that you are a beautiful, loving and gifted woman, feelings of jealousy and revenge will no longer show up for you. How could they? A beautiful, loving, gifted woman doesnt need to compare herself to others. She also wont attract into her life a man who invalidates or mistreats her. He just wouldnt show up, nor would she tolerate his behavior if he did. A very good daily practice to develop is this: visualize the light of love pouring in through the top of your head, and flooding every cell in your body. See it fill the space around you. Carry this love with you everywhere you go, and freely send it to all on your patheven the grumpy, narrow minded, smelly, or weird peoplefor those perceptions are all judgements of the ego and perpetuate the falsehood of separateness. On a spiritual level, there is no separateness among people. That grumpy, smelly, weird guy is your spiritual brother. So, for goodness sake, bless him! Secretly thank him for reminding you of the importance of staying in a space of love. It is your natural state to be flowing with divine love. Seek out ways to connect with love today. You might pray or meditate. You might take a walk in nature. You might visit a cathedral or prayer group. You might read from a book of wisdom or read a

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powerful prayer. Find something that helps you connect to God (source, higher self, the universe). Please dont get hung up on the verbiage here. Its love that matters. Love Language: 1. I am more than good enough! 2. I stand in my own unique beauty, love, and confidence. 3. I love myself and embrace everything about me. 4. I am calm, loving, and gentle. 5. I am a desirable woman with many gifts and talents. 6. I am a beautiful expression of divine love. 7. I dwell on positive, uplifting thoughts. 8. I invite healthy, passionate romance into my life. 9. I am open to the channels of divine love.

Principle Twelve
A goddess extends genuine love... not expectations disguised as love.

_________________________________________________ When I was in grade school *ahem...* a few years ago, our teacher taught us about a unique little girl. This little girl was born without the ability to feel pain. At that time, doctors couldnt figure out why she couldnt feel painjust that her nervous system was wired in such a way that she didnt.

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Initially, we were all envious. Comments from my classmates and me were things like, What a lucky little girl! She cant feel pain? Wow! I would give anything to have that problem! However, upon further study, we learned that this little girl had significant problems navigating the basic functions of life. She would do things like jump off a swing and sprain her ankle, then continue to run around on it, causing untold damage to her ankle tissues. She would slam herself down on the ground to inspect an interesting bug and give no mind to her scraped knees and hands. She bit through her tongue on several occasions. She bit the sides of her cheeks repeatedly and even bit the skin off her fingersall because she couldnt feel pain. She had no internal feedback to tell her that she had a bite, a broken bone, an ear infection, a bee sting, or a cut on her knee. In fact, her lack of pain was a devastating and dangerous condition. She would often make the same mistakes over and over... in spite of the fact that these mistakes often held grave and enduring consequences. What became apparent to us is that this little girl couldnt experientially learn many things. Her inability to feel pain was a gross disadvantage and, in fact, threatened her very existence. Whats more, she had to be taught everything through logic; without the redirection that pain provides, she simply couldnt learn about her environment... and therefore couldnt navigate the basics of lifesomething that you and I take for granted. In 1983, Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis (CIPA) was listed as a medical disorder so rare that only one in 125 million people are born with it. People with CIPA cant feel pain or discriminate between even extreme temperatures. Because of their inability to sense temperature, they do not

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sweat. About half of people born with CIPA die before age three due to unidentified illness, injury or over-heating. People with CIPA can easily injure or kill themselves in ways that would normally be prevented by pain. They cant feel if they have an internal injury or illness; thus, they go without treatment, which can easily lead to death. What this little girl (and my very wise teacher) taught me is that pain is actually a good thing. It provides us with immediate feedback so that we can navigate our way through the tangles and trials of life. Pain helps us coordinate our behaviors and intentions in ways that keep us safe and thriving. We can think of our emotional pain in the same way. When I am going through my emotionally painful life experiences, including love pain, I remind myself of this sweet little girl who couldnt feel physical pain. This little girls life taught many people how important pain really is. Whether that pain is physical, emotional, or mental, it is here to guide us. To show us what needs our attention in order to survive, heal, and grow. If our life were devoid of emotional pain, it would not help us, but, in fact, gravely hinder us. Without emotional pain, we would struggle to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. While not pleasant, we need to pay attention to our emotional pain, listen to its messages, and respond appropriately and beneficially. Our emotional pain becomes a true problem when we refuse to pay attention to it... when we ignore it, deny it, or stuff it. This is similar to us ignoring a physical wound because we dont want anyone to touch it, even though that wound needs to be treated properly before it will heal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 66 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If life and love were devoid of emotional pain, we would struggle to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Actually, emotional pain can be far more brutal than physical pain. By nature, it is much harder to treat because it is not always easily definable... and not something people can readily articulate. Further, emotional pain likes to hide. It likes to burble below the surface and keep to the shadows, giving a general feeling of malaise, apathy, agitation, or depression. Sometimes it takes a while to articulate it, even with the help of a gifted counselor. In fact, a huge part of therapy revolves around helping the client in identifying and articulating feelings... a process that can sometimes take weeks or months... even longer in some cases. Generally speaking, love pain is an exception to this rule. We usually can go right to the moment our heart was broken and are able to feel the feelings from that moment, no matter how much time has passed since. Again, this is a good thing, because it gives us an indication of where we need to put our attention. By the way, there is a big difference between being emotionally wounded and emotionally scarred. A wound hurts when we touch it. A scar doesnt. This is an interesting phenomenon because a scar is invariably stronger than the damaged tissue that it replaced. It doesnt hurt to touch a scar; we can rub it, teach from it, talk about what caused it, an, most importantly, we know how to keep ourselves safe from the same type of wounds in the future. Indeed, the scar serves us well. Our emotional wounds are very similar. Once they heal to scars, they dont hurt, and we are invariably stronger and wiser from the experience. Sadly, however, most people are not taught how to properly tend to emotional pain, which is why it often fails to heal. (By the way, I like to refer to emotional scars as wisdom.)

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Our unprocessed emotional wounds may be several years (sometimes decades) old. They still hurt when we brush up against them. If you hear a song that reminds you of your ex or you find a birthday card he gave you last year, those memories brush against those emotional wounds... and they hurt. Most people (including many mental health therapists) have no idea how to begin addressing emotional pain like this. Thankfully, we now have simple methods like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to quickly remove the energy in our nervous system that drives our negative emotions. Again, the Tapping into Love Workbook guides you through some powerful EFT scripts to help you clear address and clear your own emo-blocks. You can also check out the EFT resources at EFT is a simple tappingintolove.net. We are experts at distraction in clears the charge this society; we party, we drink, behind negative emotions. we eat, we pop pills, we zone out in front of television, computer, etc... More often than not, our emotional healing is reduced to a waiting game. We delude ourselves in thinking that if we sufficiently distract ourselves, the pain will just magically go away. That doesnt ever work. We ignore it... then unknowingly take those emotional wounds into our next relationship. As discussed earlier, unhealed emotional wounds set the groove for future romantic experiences. This is why we tend to relive our same love patterns in different relationships.
technique that quickly pressure-point tapping

However, much like physical scars, given the proper tender loving care, our emotional wounds heal and make us stronger, tougher, and wiser. We then take that strength and wisdom into our subsequent relationships, which lead to positive love experiences.

Tapping into Love

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 67 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Instead of denying or ignoring your emotional pain, embrace it. Be with it. Listen to it. Let it teach you. Let it guide you. Let it whisper its wisdom to you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unaddressed emotional pain causes all kinds of hairy-scary fallout in our romantic lives. For example, the romantically wounded woman may don an attitude of cold indifference with new lovers... or would-be lovers. Cold indifference is projected from an emotional numbnessa blanket denial of emotional pain. While this may provide at least the illusion of emotional safety when it comes to romance, a denial of pain also means a denial of joy... a denial of love... and, ultimately, a blatant inability to connect to romantic partners in a meaningful and authentic way. Then... off he goes, never to be seen again. Another potential fallout of unaddressed emotional pain: ANGER. In therapy, anger is known as a secondary emotion. Anger is always fueled by an underlying emotion (called the primary emotion). Examples of primary emotions are sadness, shame, and fear. Like pain, anger is not a bad thing; in some cases, it helps us set boundaries, can boost our strength in order to keep us and our loved ones safe. Anger only becomes a problem when it becomes a way of life and we dont move beyond it... and the primary emotion remains unaddressed. This is often the case with the woman who becomes verbally aggressive with a new romantic partner (or potential romantic partner) for seemingly no reason. Why on earth would any woman behave this way? Especially toward a man she likes? To answer this question, we just need to take a peek at her past; the last man she loved tore her heart to shreds, and she has yet to address, much less heal those emotional wounds. She

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subconsciously correlates love and extreme emotional pain, and brushing up against her heart-wounds causes her to behave like a wounded animal. This is an instinctive protective reaction. However, she secretly craves his love. This is an example of how our subconscious can sabotage the very thing we say we want. Like cold indifference, this womans anger gives the illusion of emotional safety. Her anger masks her deep woundedness. She becomes a prisoner to her emotional injuries because she never pulls back the curtain to look at the root cause (primary emotion). She remains a prisoner to her fears: her fear of rejection, her fear of playing the fool, her fear of not being good enough... without even know it. Each broken romance pushes her deeper into those fears... deeper into her woundedness... deeper into confusion... and deeper into Im just not good enough. She will mentally spin... and spin... and spin... trying to grasp the concept of love... with no comprehension of why men simply dont stick around past the first few dates. Love is reduced to a head gamewith her frantically trying to stay one step ahead of his intentions something she doesnt Love doesnt flow organically understand in the into our life through our first place. Sound exhausting? It logic. It shows up through does to me. I need a nap. When we are in our head like this, we ponder, rationalize, theorize, analyze, scrutinize, and idolize anything and everything about our romantic partners (or desired romantic partners). Many women think that this fanatical thinking as an indication that they are in love. But this is not love. This is obsession. The energy of obsession is not an affectionate energy. Rather, it is a binding energy. It constricts. It overpowers. It suffocates. If left unchecked, it can ultimately destroy both the
our heart-space.

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obsesser and the obsessee. (For lack of better term, obsessee is being referred to here as the victim, such as in stalker cases.) Obsession is the cold, cruel beyotch of the romantic world. It dupes us at every turn. It robs us of our peace of mind. It ravages our creative flow. It repels the very love we crave... which triggers more anxiety, creating more obsession... which repels love even more. Obsession is our own internal head game with absolutely no winner. We can never be the empowered version of ourselves from that space. There are several ways to quell a runaway obsession pattern; many of these methods have been addressed in this book. Obsession is closely related to jealousy, which we explored at length in Chapter Eleven. More suggestions, as well as the causes of obsessive thinking, are discussed in the Tapping into Love Workbook. For now, keep in mind the following: if you start to feel obsessive over a man, do whatever you can to put your full attention back on your own personal life goals and interests. By doing this, you calm the anxiety behind obsession, because you are initiating your creative flow and boosting your self-confidence, which uses completely different areas of the brain. Also, read the Centered Vulnerability Visual Guided Imagery Script at the end of this chapter; this will help you to reset your expectations and help you foster inner peace and confidence. The confident woman doesnt obsess over any man. She doesnt think too much about the hows, whys and what-ifs about love. She shows up with an open heart, and flows with whatever is. She is okay either way because she possesses a solid sense of selfwith or without him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 68 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The confident woman doesnt think too much about the

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hows, whys, and what-ifs about love. She simply shows up with an open heart and flows with whatever is. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She lets love go... it returns... she lets it go... it returns... no attachments... just letting the natural rhythm and flow of love take over. He leaves... he returns... he leaves... he returns... or maybe he doesnt... but someone better returns. Love always returns. She simply allows it to do so. It is within this ebb and flow that the goddess is determined from the pushover. You will recognize the pushover; she is the one trying to control the ebb and flow. She is the one trying to control the outcome... to no avail. The goddess, on the other hand, is the one swaying with the natural rhythm of love because her focus is on love itselfnot on the channel (or person). But lets be real here... allowing this natural ebb and flow of love can be scary... and really tough! This is because the ego (that spoiled brat behind obsession) wants to think it is in control at all times. This allowing business is completely counter to our egos goal: survival. Allowing is a spiritual principle, which requires that we detach from our egoic expectations and permit love to be whatever it may be... to flow however it may flow. This makes us profoundly vulnerable... which, to our ego, is a very bad thing. Remember that true love is a spiritual principle. Spiritually speaking, vulnerability is a very good thing. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to whatever is, we are able to let love in. We can also give love without expecting anything in return. Vulnerability allows us to exchange heart-energy with a lover and connect with him in a deep and meaningful way. If two people are in love (a.k.a. in sync) with each other, divine love

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energy is abundantly exchanged between them. This is megaamplified during sex and intimacy. However, if you approach your partner with the ego (denoted by neediness or obsession), you come at him with expectations of him completing you. This subconsciously will feel threatening to him, and will abruptly halt the sacred energy exchange. In this case, the sex is reduced to the carnal (body) level. Instead of romantic sizzle, we get romantic fizzle. Sadly, I see this all the time; women put incredible amounts of effort into their physical appearance... from extravagant makeup to fancy clothes to plastic surgery... but they put no effort into their spiritual growth or emotional health. Then they wonder why they cant seem to find their soul mate. They feel incomplete, and continue to seek the physically beautifying means in order to fill that void. Goddess, no man can complete you. The outlook of you complete me is a fallacya surefire way to disenchantment because it immediately puts the burden of ones spiritual fulfillment onto another. Rather, you complete you. You give this gift to yourself. No man can give you self-confidence. You give this gift to yourself. No man is the source for your joy. God (The Universe, Divine, Source, etc...) is your ultimate source for joyand connecting to Him is a gift you give yourself. When it comes to love and intimacy, we naturally bring with us all of our so-called baggage. We bring our subconscious fears, body insecurities, and emotional memories from previous relationships into subsequent ones; these elements can interfere with our ability to give and receive love in an authentic and heart-based way. This doesnt mean you are doomed to never connecting with a man again; it simply means that you need to

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recognize and own when your stuff starts coming up and interfering with your heart-space and love flow. If you are with a new partner and suddenly start feeling intimidated, nervous, or inadequate, simply close your eyes for a moment and focus on your heart. Visualize it opening up and flowing with love. Thank your ego for trying to keep you safe... then instruct it to take its proper placeunder the authority of your spirit. If you still struggle with staying in your heart, tell your partner so. Say, Im having a hard time staying in my heart because Im feeling kinda vulnerable right now. Can you give me a minute? Then close your eyes and continue to visualize the love flow. Your honesty and commitment to your heart will serve you well. First, these actions demonstrate a core confidence; only a confident woman owns when she is feeling vulnerable. He will respect this. It also immediately shuts down that part of your ego that think it needs to fake confidence... a most repelling appearance... and you will be able to return to your heart-space more quickly. Mind you, we dont need to be Angelina Jolie confident. We just need to be confident enough to show up with our heartenergy and the authentic version of ourselves. This is definitely not a romp for the meek... and not logistically feasible for the pushover. Initially we may need to practice centering ourselves moment-to-moment... as the urge to go back to our fears will be strong. But keep practicing your heart-based existence. Eventually, your spirit will prevail, your ego will yield and fall into its proper place, and you will step into your new reality. If you are devastated by a romantic breakupto the point of extreme depression, persistent anger, hopelessness, or obsessive thoughts of low self-worth, do your best to be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Your feelings simply

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indicate that you are not yet healed from your past emotional pain. Please Note: if you are emotionally struggling to this degree, you are encouraged to immediately seek the help of a competent therapist in your area. As a reminder, this book is only to educate its readers on the healthy principles of romance; it is not, in any way, meant to be a substitute for counseling. Sit in any circle of women long enough and have a listen; you will witness that these terrible, unsupportive, and irrational beliefs are practically taken as gospel: Men are pigs They all just want one thing All men cheat Men are dishonest, self-serving bastards Love isnt even worth it anymore Etc... etc... and more pathetic etc... This irrational thinking has haunted women for far too long. It has portrayed men as unfeeling, self-serving primates with no semblance of a soul. These statements simply are not true. Most men are good, loving, caring people. They do want love. They just dont want it in soul-sucking way that women have been trying to give it. Do you see why so many women have been so very confused for so many years over finding the secret to successful romance? This is really new and radical thinking. As previously discussed, there are no prior traditions to assist women who are seeking to move to the higher order of love. This is why we collectively need to blow the lid off of the positively terrible and virtually fictitious beliefs about men that have perpetuated over hundreds... nay... thousands of years... beliefs that keep women

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stuck and pining, and beliefs that keep men behaving in a way that suggests these statements might be even remotely true. Men, as a whole, are becoming more enlightened and less enslaved to Victorian dogma (a concept discussed in Chapter One). This means that women who want true love have no choice but to radically shift into a higher order of consciousness... an existence that supports the realization of true love... not the backward, blood-sucking dependence theyve been trying to pawn off as love. That type of thinking just isnt going to work anymore. Humanitys consciousness is shifting. We can either shift with it, or be lost in the squalor of pushover hell forever. Here is a wild thought: what if every man who has ever dumped you... every man who has rejected your emotional hope in him, every man who has ever pulled the plug on what you thought was a match made in heaven has, in fact, done you a humongous favor? You blamed him for ruining your life? I beg to differ. He saved your life. You blamed him for taking everything from you? I disagree. He gave you everythingincluding a wake-up call that you are capable of so much more than the deficient and defunct version of yourself that youve been trying to sell him and the rest of the world. True, it probably wasnt his intention to do you this huge spiritual favor; he was just trying to shield himself from your energetic fixation on him that you mistakenly labeled as love. Yes, it felt awful when he pulled the plug and ran off... but nonetheless, my dear, he ultimately did you a huge spiritual favor. He showed you that you were on the wrong path... and needed to find your way back to love. He showed you that you needed to go within for your answers.

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We must begin to teach all women the truth about how powerful and precious they really arenot from some here; let me puff up your ego while we blame that awful man who rejected you sham, but by compelling each woman to uncover and discover the truth about her authentic value... to teach her that she has a purpose far greater than pining after a man in hopes of getting him to barely accept the lesser version of herself... the version to which she has resigned all of her potential. The world needs love. As humanity, we need to shift. Quickly. This is not just about you finding happiness on the wings of delight that the energy of true love brings (although that is one incredibly beautiful consequence). This is about the human race dramatically shifting to a higher order that allows Gods potent healing energy to pour into the world through the channels we create... via this crazy little thing called love. We need love to flood the planet. Now. We need it to flow into every corner of the world. We need it to help us dissolve the anger, resentment, fear, and hatred that currently fuels the violence, greed, and contempt that humans have created toward each other... all because there has been such a radical lack of love in the first place. Why are we so angry and hateful toward each other? We are angry and hateful because in the absence of love, thats just what happens. Mastering the art of detachmentwhile allowing yourself to stay vulnerable, loving, and open to affection, intimacy, and passion is something that requires a high level of personal mastery. I like to call this phenomenon Centered Vulnerability, Understanding and implementing this concept of Centered Vulnerability is essential here. It is exactly as it reads: centered= consciously connected to your Creator, the Divine, God, Source (whatever you perceive the Divine to be) and

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Vulnerability= you remain in a vulnerable (heart-open and caring) space with your romantic partner. This combination is... very foreign to most women. You do not need to get it perfect right away; you just need to be willing to understand the basic concept and make a concerted effort. Obviously, making ourselves vulnerable to another person especially a romantic partnerinvolves some measure of personal risk. By definition, vulnerable means one is capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt (dictionary.com). The biggest risk in relationship vulnerability is the potential for rejection or, possibly criticism from the person we love... should we choose to bare our heart and soul. The pushover responds to rejection poorly because she allows other peoples opinions to define her. The empowered woman, on the other hand, is able to fall back on her core confidence and life goals and fulfillments. Thus, she doesnt fall apart in the wake of rejection. Of course, this doesnt mean she ignores her emotions. Quite the opposite. She actually allows herself to feel them fully, though doesnt allow herself, her behavior, or her actions to be controlled by them. Rather than letting his rejection define her, she takes steps to process and heal her emotional pain. Ultimately, her emotional wounds heal to scarswhich, as we discussed earlier, serves her well; the experience of going through this healing process ultimately increases her compassion, deepens her spiritual wisdom, and gives a hefty boost to her personal strength. She carries these qualities into her next relationship... and other areas of her life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 70 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The empowered woman is able to fall back on her selfconfidence and personal life fulfillments, which means she doesnt fall apart in the wake of rejection.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Contrary to our white-picket-fence-and-fairytale beliefs, getting this happily ever after thing right isnt always easy! Such profound growth requires a willingness to push beyond the comfort of our weary expectations and ideas of what true love... truly is. It requires that we do the inner work necessary to foster a sense of appreciation for ourselves. No one falls into true and everlasting love from the comfort of their couch, watching mind-numbing television shows, drinking beer and eating junk food. We must be willing to take some risks. Furthermore, we certainly cannot adhere to our ineffective, outdated, and juvenile beliefs about love and expect different results to show up for us. The process of aligning our energy with energy of love... Mastering the art this is the path less traveled. It of Centered Vulnerability is important for love to is the path of the woman who thrive. knows she is worth much more than a mediocre existence of settling for Mr. Wrong... or just waiting around in a state of droopiness for Mr. Right. We must heal our past wounds to gain the wisdom necessary to stand the fires and fears that predicate intimacy. Above all, we must foster the self-love and self-confidence needed to be profoundly vulnerable to intimacy with the man we love. It is only through great risk that we can ever know great love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 71 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Only through great risk can we ever know great love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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The following visualization is very helpful for women who have difficulty approaching romance from a space of detachment. The purpose of detachment, of course, is not to project an aloofness or disinterest in your partnerfor that would be counter to loves purpose, and in many ways, destructive. Detachment, rather, can be thought of as an emotional relinquishing of a dependency on your partner. Detachment is the realization that you no longer count on his affection, attention, or attitude (or lack thereof) to dictate your level of joy and comfort within yourself. Women trip themselves up with all kinds of emotional attachmentsputting huge amounts of expectation on the (often unspoken) promises of their partners. This supposition destroys more romantic connections than you could ever imagine. Of course, there are no guarantees in love... at least not in the way our egos want there to be. However, the spiritual Law of Love, we can trust in the truth of God (Universe, Divine) as the true Source to provide all the love we could ever want or need. When we are properly aligned with Source, we will experience love wherever we goincluding in our romantic relationships. It is within our own souls that we connect, through meditation and prayer, to Gods omnipresent and omnipotent downpouring of Love. The following Visual Guided Imagery will help you detach from unhealthy expectations of love you toward your romantic partner and help you center by reconnecting to your true Source (God, Divine, the Universe, etc...) Download a printable version and audio of this Visual Guided Imagery script at tappingintolove.net.

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Centered Vulnerability
Sit or lay in a comfortable position. Begin by taking a deep breath. Relax completely. As you exhale, imagine yourself breathing all stress out of your body. With each in-breath, you breathe in love, joy, and peace. With each exhale, you breathe out stress, anxiety, and tension. Watch this tension dissipate and neutralize in the air around you. As you focus on your breathing, you feel yourself going deeper and deeper into a relaxed and pleasant state. You feel centered and loved by all of existence. Now visualize yourself surrounded by a beautiful, nurturing golden light. This light loves and supports you in every way. Breathe in this light and watch it fill your lungs. As you breathe out, observe the heaviness, sadness, anger, and resentment leaving your body through your out-breath. When this heavy energy hits the golden light around you, it is transformed into sparkles of wisdom, compassion, and love. Breathe in again, and watch this golden light enter into your lungs again, and observe as it infuses into your body. Imagine every cell in your body is eagerly drawing in this healing golden light, and releasing all negativity, toxins, and fatigue... all of which is instantly transformed into the sparkles of wisdom, compassion, and love. Take a moment to observe this process going on in your body. The light continues to fill every tiny part of your body, until you glow with spiritual love and feel weightless and free from all of your earthly struggles. Now call to mind your boyfriend or romantic partner, or the person whom you would like to be your current partner. Imagine him standing a few feet away from you. Notice the ethereal ties of fear that have been binding you to him... fear that he might leave... fear that he might not like you... fear that you arent good enough for him... fear that he will break your heart. These are gray or dark energy cords that run from your body to his. These are your energy attachments to him, and these cords are causing strain in your

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relationship (or potential relationship). These cords represent your subconscious expectations, which create a needy and repelling energy. This is precisely what is keeping him cold and distant. It is also what has been (unknowingly) keeping you from existing in an open, loving heart-space... which is a highly attractive space, energetically speaking. These energy cords are literally sucking the life out of him, and he is responding with resistance. Without judgement, notice the way that they draw energy from his being and towards you. Notice his resistance to giving you his energywhich translates into him being cold, rude, and emotionally shut down. Notice he is trying to energetically retreat from you. Say to him, I am learning to connect back to God instead of you. I am learning to be vulnerable in love instead of fearful. I am sorry I have been viewing you as my source for love and joy. Notice the relief in his face as he has been trying to find a way to tell you this but could never find the right words. He respects the fact that you have had this realization. Now, in your hand appears a golden sword. The sword is there to serve you in this journey of cutting the unhealthy cords from him, and connecting you back to God. You lift the golden sword and begin cutting the ethereal ties that bind you to him. Any white or bright cords between you two remain; these represent love in the truest and purest sense, and these are impervious to the cutting of the golden sword. As you cut each dark energy cord, a corresponding cord of brilliant, sparkling light appears at the top of your head, which runs straight up and connects to God (Universe, Source). Light and love radiate downward an intense and beautiful infusion of love, trust, and peace. You are instantly comforted and joyful. Now, look at your partner or potential partner; notice that he, too, has corresponding

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cords to God at the top of his head. Notice the change in his body posture and the way he is looking at you now with openness and peace. Cut any remaining gray or dark cords between you and him. Say to him, God is my Source. Thank you for helping me to learn this lesson. I am learning to be both unattached and vulnerable in love, which requires me to create my own joy and fulfillment. Instead of being emotionally needy, I am learning how to love from a space of self-confidence. Thank you very much for helping me learn to do this. I promise, Im getting it! Observe your heart area opening and expanding now, and pouring out the divine golden light that has filled you during this practice. This divine golden light pours out to all of humanity, including him. This is a much different energy than what you thought was love in your prior emotionally attached state. Take a moment to note the difference between neediness and clinginess and the authentic heart-space love that you are feeling now. Now extend extreme gratitude to God and the Universe for helping you integrate this beautiful spiritual lesson. Remind yourself that romantic love is your birthright and the universe is delighted to meet you half way in your efforts, as long as they stem from genuine, source-connected love and vulnerability. Breathe deeply as you return to the room, retaining the golden light with you. <end> Commit to daily practice of Centered Vulnerability. Use this script several times a day, especially during those times you are feeling jealous, hopeless, needy, or obsessive. This visualization is a powerful way for you to release your attachments and move into a state of allowing, and keep you flowing with the brilliant divine love that truly is your birthright.

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Welcome to your new reality. Step into the light of love. Open your heart. Love yourself first. The world of romance is yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Love Note 72 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Open your heart. Love yourself first. The world of romance is yours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl~ youve got this! Love Language: 1. It is safe to feel my emotions. 2. I listen to my emotions with love and gentleness.
3. I am learning to love from a space of self-confidence.(new

order)

4. I am confident enough to be vulnerable in romance. 5. I open my heart... and simply love. 6. I can set boundaries with love. 7. I allow myself to be vulnerable in romance. 8. I allow myself to be fully-present with the one I love.
9. I move beyond the shadows of self-doubt and into the light of

love.
The Angels Gather: A Tribute to You The angels gather round To gaze into the light of His masterwork If you are still on a starlit night You can hear whispers bouncing off the walls of Heaven... Ahh Master...

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Behold Your radiant daughter! With tempting eyes and an enchanting smile She is sassy and charming, gentle and sweet With sunlight in her soul and miracles in her heart She is perceptive and spiritual, alluring and fun She is mysterious, confident, and anchored in truth She holds romance as her birthright And sensuality as her medium With piercing discernment She embraces only what is right for her She owns her yes, and she owns her no Never yielding to the judgements of others She radiates love, blessing all on her path A true gift to the lives she touches... Such wonderful work, Master... You! What a beautiful contribution to humanity. Thank you for being born. Blessings to you, Goddess...

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The Law of Love

_____________________________________________________
A spiritual call to action

There is a higher order to life. This order is called love. Love is an energy so gentle that it can beckon the rosebud to open in the placid rays of the morning sun... yet so powerful it can bring the strongest man to his knees in tearful adoration of the woman who holds his heart. Love binds everything of substance togetherfrom the chair beneath you to the alignment of the planets. Love is a natural expression of life. You are a natural expression of the Divine. Therefore, you are love. Therefore, too, your natural propensity is to seek and give love. Once you align, love can pour into your life and express itself through you. It has sought to do since the moment of your conception. No other realities (loneliness, resentment, fear, etc...) can ultimately persist, because they defy your true nature. They defy the Law of Love. Intimacy is a powerful avenue... and a most relished form of The Law. Intimacy is a decisive calling to our soul; this is why we daydream so much about it... and work so hard to find it. Intimacy is a calling that requires reverencenot scorn, and one that waits patiently for us to make our way through all that is unholy... all that is wielded from the egos phantoms fatale... until we finally align enough to get it right. Our mind, on the other hand, when left to its own devices, calls us to the lower order of physical survival... to sameness... to poise for attack on the slightest threat to our wellbeing. To the

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heartbroken female, never has a greater threat existed than a wonderful man with the potential to love her. Therefore, never will her mind worked so hard to create a cesspool of doubt, fear, shame... the knowing she isnt worth it. These are all subconscious efforts to keep the love out... and keep her in the safety of sameness. She hopes that he will somehow see beyond her madness and love her anyway... when she, herself, has struggled to find the way. He will try for a while, but ultimately walks away, unwilling to wade through her allegiance to fear. His departure cements her false belief that she is unlovable. Quell your doubts by reminding yourself that love is the natural law. Love is your birthright. You were not born to fail. This means that the universe will meet you half way, and your slightest effort to align with the 12 principles can impart profound results. Most women have allowed negative beliefs, opinions of others, and stagnant advice from the disgruntled masses to perpetuate their patterns of disenchantment. They have allowed this disenchantment to block their spiritual calling to love. They have superimposed these prospects onto those around them particularly those of romantic interest, creating even more barriers to the divine love that is, by law , perpetually working to manifest into their lives. Because we have, on a global scale, succumbed to these deceptions of the mind, we have a dramatic shortage of love-flow on Mother Earth. Our souls are suffocating, and suffocation leads to panic. Panic leads to dysfunction and desperationwhich is the exact energy that most women bring to the romantic world. Yet... it doesnt need to be this way. Whether you recognize it or not, my dear reader, you are being called to a higher spiritual order. You would not be reading this book if you werent. This

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higher order compels love to permeate every corner of the planet. This order holds the keys to our true salvation... and to manifesting everything weve ever desired. We are being called to align all levelsour hearts, minds, bodies, and soulswith The Law. We then, in humblest gratitude, virtually become loves channels. Only then are we able to manifest the very love weve been seeking in others... because we have created it within ourselves. This also means, Goddess, that we must not enable men to stay stuck in their preemptive patterns of denial. Especially now, as many young men (and women) are suffering unspeakable war trauma and returning to our society. These experiences often go underground, denied and downplayed, and ultimately reduced to dark-and-dreadful shadows in the back of his mind. Enter: the intimate relationship... and what happens? Hint: it involves a difficult road for all involved. A man will naturally project his dark shadows onto the easiest and safest targetwhich is very often the woman he loves. (Yelling, disrespecting, etc...) When his projection is met with tolerance, which is the case with most women, he is given subconscious permission to continue... to feed the beasts so to speak and allow them take over. He is then left to his own devices in trying to find his way back to appropriate behaviors within the context of their relationship... and she is left waiting for him to do so. She never realizes that she holds the power to call to the true love within him. The sacred connection between them is at grave risk for being lost... for love cannot flow where conflict reigns. However, you are NOT like most women. You are an empowered woman who follows the 12 Principles of Romantic Success. The empowered woman doesnt buy into the awww...

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poor baby... this is the best he can be right now... Not at all. She holds the space for the best in him to come forward, not by invalidating his woundedness, but by transcending it. No matter his past, or how intensely his wounds show up, she calls only to the purity of love within himthrough her actions, not words. This calling becomes a gateway for his miracle. It is a miracle that is virtually never realized by her acquiescing to his alleged emotional limitations and supposed inability to extend even the basics of respect and kindness toward her. Like a soothing balm, the omnipresent (albeit clouded) love within him has the potential to seep over his pain and move into his hearthowever woundedwhich is always fully capable of expressing love. He shows up in love... for the woman he loves... because she simply doesnt tolerate anything less. An empowered woman offers more to an emotionally wounded man than any amount of counseling or medication ever could... not because she steps into that therapeutic role (no!) but because she provides the catalyst for his soul to align with the Law of Love. This is all she does. He does the rest. Indeed, the rest might involve therapy or medicationbut none of that is up to her. She simply holds the space for him by holding her standards of self-love, self-respect, and the truest form of unconditional love. Be his miracle. Knowing his mind will fight you, hold to your spiritual brilliance anyway, and do not be deluded when he starts to flounder. Show him compassion. But do not cave to his macho meanderings. His spirit already knows how to love... though his ego will fight it and work to convince you to the contrary. Rather than your pushover-self seeking to gather bits and pieces of his affection, under a blanket of excuses and

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meager efforts of connection, know that his love is much sweeter when he gives it freely and through his own volition. Hold the line with kindness. Hold the line with faith. Hold the line with a knowing that you are both worth the effort. You are both worth much more than his feigned ignorance, elaborate sidestepping, and complex reasoning as to why he is incapable of getting it. He is more than capable of getting it. You are being called to align with the Law of Love and experience romance and intimacy to a degree you never thought possible. To some, this effort may seem selfish. True, the personal benefits are great and lavish. However, your alignment with love is vital at this time on Mother Earth. The love that flows through you will overflow to those around you and create a beautiful rippling effectwhich subconsciously gives others permission to align in the same way. Love is not a luxury. It is essential to the spiritual healing and survival of mankind. Relationships give us the opportunity, if we so choose, to recognize our deeper wounds so we may own them, heal them, and transcend them and move to the higher order. Intimacy has the potential to elicit the purest of divine energies and bathe us in its blessed sacredness. If enough love flows through enough people, we can heal the world... for all woundedness is simply an invitation for love. Men in love dont start wars. Women in love dont abuse or neglect children. People in love dont cheat, steal, berate, insult, assault, or kill other people. People in love more readily extend love, forgiveness, and peace to each other. This is the function of The Law. Be the solution. Call to his love... without words. Humbly hold yourself in high esteem. Expect him to do the same. Meet him with love in every moment. Do not enable... but forgive in

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every moment. Employ the twelve principles and revel in the wonderful benefits. Like the morning sun to the rose, allow the light within you to beckon the love within him. Together we can effect profound and lasting change and guide humanity into the light of love. Thank you for allowing me to walk this sacred path with you. It has been my deepest honor and privilege to serve in this way. Laurel Lee

The Pushover-to-Goddess Principles List

Principle One: A goddess doesnt try to be perfect. Ever. For anyone. Principle Two: A goddess owns her personal power. Principle Three: A goddess sets healthy relationship boundaries. Principle Four: A goddess pursues her own life interests. Principle Five: A goddess walks away from misfit men. Principle Six: A goddess is easygoing, pleasant and relaxed. Principle Seven: A goddess is forgiving... not enabling. Principle Eight: A goddess demonstrates mastery over her emotions. Principle Nine: A goddess makes rational relationship

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decisions. Principle Ten: A goddess lives the authentic (real) version of herself. Principle Eleven: A goddess doesnt compare herself to others to determine her self-worth. Principle Twelve: A goddess extends genuine love... not expectations disguised as love.

Download a printable copy of the 12 Pushover-to-Goddess Principles at tappingintolove.net.

Love Note Collection

1: Love will patiently wait for you to provide the proper channels for it to pour into your life and offer the right environment for it to flourish. 2: While earthly possessions can add sweetness to any life, they should not (or rather... cannot) replace selfconfidence and self-love. 3: Positive affirmations can give us a foothold and direction away from self-sabotaging behaviors and negative self-talk, but they are not the be-all-end-all practice for effecting permanent, positive life change. 4: Subconscious expectations largely dictate success or failure in romance. Therefore, it is important to pair positive thinking with techniques that identify and address our dysfunctional subconscious beliefs.

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5: A woman who loves herself radiates love, appreciation, and acceptance to others. She doesnt energetically resonate with disrespect, and therefore doesnt attract it. 6: You were born for the purpose of experiencing divine love. 7: Humans have free will; this means we can change behavior, modify thoughts, and regulate emotions. 8: A goddess lets her romantic partner know how much she appreciates him. She shows up 100% in her relationships. 9: A goddess recognizes her own beauty without being consumed by it... and without comparing herself to others. 10: A mysterious woman is an alluring woman. Being mysterious simply means that there are parts of your life that you do not share with him. 11: Sweet and feminine are more attractive to a man than harsh and bitchy ever could be. 12: Take some time to rewrite your own pushover behaviors with goddess confidence and boundaries. Visualize your goddess-responses several times a day. This helps to create the grooves for your future behavior. 13: In her subtle but powerful way, the goddess lets a man know that his immature behavior will not be tolerated. 14: A goddess is always kind and gracious. She cant help it; she loves herself! When we love ourselves, we love others. 16: By your very nature, you are an expression of divine love. 17: Being sweet has absolutely nothing to do with being a pushover. Because no matter how sweet the honey is, no man is going to lick it off the ground. 18: This process is not so much a forging-ahead-andforcing-yourself-to-change process, as it is a dropping-old-

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baggage- to-allow-the-unfolding-of-your loveliness, charm, and sweetness process. 19: Arguing with him only serves to give him a foothold on your emotions... and gives him all the power in the relationship. The goddess knows this, and simply steps back from him. 20: There are many wonderful, attractive men in this world who would be honored to be your romantic partner... but you will never see them through your tears. 21: My beautiful sister, you deserve so much more than what he is giving. 22: Your passions and interests are Gods calling cards; it is important that you follow them. 23: All it takes for a man to fall in love is for her to successfully get the attention of (and then run from) his inner-hunter. 24: If he is being rude, elusive, or downright trollish, then it is not love, and you deserve better. 25: Ask yourself, Would I want my daughter to put up with this? Or, Would Laurel tell me it is okay to put up with this? If the answer to either of these is, No! then silently and uneventfully back away from him. 26: Like the relationship between the sun and earth, distance and intimacy in our relationships must balance each other. 27: Even if she is a hot-to-trot sex kitten, he will lose interest in a woman who smothers him or guilts him. 28: The human race is shifting into a new understanding of love. We are dropping the old ball-and-chain paradigm of marriage and embracing the virtues of trust, appreciation, and freedom. 29: No matter what you currently believe, you are a lovely

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woman with many gifts for the world. 30: It should feel good to him to be around you; then he will want to be around you more often. 31: A goddess sets boundaries by simply walking away (and staying away) from misfit men. 32: We can glean tremendous strength, compassion, insight, and wisdom from our past traumas and heartaches. 33: Change within brings lasting change without. 34: It is almost impossible for a man to stay away from a woman he loves... or even likes. If he loves you, he will find a way back to you-even if you stop speaking to him when he starts acting like a jackass. 35: You are not doomed to live out your emotional memory patterns for the rest of your days. With a little awareness of what your past wounds are, you can respond to current triggers in a healthier, more goddess-like way. 36: You are a lovely and loving woman, meant to experience a beautiful and fulfilling romantic relationship. 37: If you find yourself in a relationship that is just not working for you, you have the right to break it off in order to find something better. 38: If you engage in either side of the guilt equation (as a guilt-imposer or guilt-receiver), you are weakening your love-vibe. 39: He needs to know you appreciate him and see the value he brings to the relationship. 40: Free yourself from the guilt monster. Your romantic life will dramatically improve! 41: The savvy goddess recognizes and sidesteps Peter Pan Syndrome by educating herself on its cure: a sweet attitude, coupled with distance.

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42: Even if you are upset, speak to him calmly, resist using vulgar language, and say what you need to say in as few words as possible. Dont insult him. Just state facts. 43: No woman needs a man to complete her. This belief is a surefire road to disenchantment and does NOT belong in the goddess rulebook! 44: Personal power? Check! Dignity? Check! Selfrespect? Check! Woot! 45: You must be willing to walk away from a dysfunctional relationship in order to create the space for change in that relationship. 46: We pamper our brain by indulging our senses: sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch. 47: Self-pampering sends vital messages to your brain: 1) I am important! and 2) I can take care of myself! 48: Your brain decides who is attractive, who is annoying, if a breakup hurts, and how in love (or bonded) you are to a romantic partner. 49: Put in your mind the following statement: I am a delightful person. People are always happy to see me! 50: When a man loses his predictable stranglehold on a womans emotions, she regains control of her life. 51: The more you start viewing sex as an expression of a sacred and beautiful connection, instead of an act that leads to solitary confinement, the more confident you will be in your romantic relationships. 52: Remind yourself that this is YOUR brain and YOU get to choose what thoughts are going on in it. 53: Releasing unhealthy emotional attachments and moving back to trust are crucial for love to flow. 54: If Mama gave you the, Men just want one thing advice, put it aside for a moment. Mama didnt know any better.

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55: Practice self-forgiveness and return to your center of peace. 56: Own your pain. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Be with it. Then ultimately, release it... and keep moving forward on your healing journey. 57: So whats changed? Simply his neuro/hormonalchemistry, and therefore, his ability to attach to a dream goddess... an ordinary woman in disguiseand ONLY because she wasnt so easily won. 58: No more being the eager-to-please or safe-girl! Yes-he wants a kind, polished, and well-spoken woman... but he also wants a woman who doesnt always play by the rules. 59: He wants love too. But he wants it from a secure, balanced woman who pursues her own dreams and passions. You know... a woman like you! 60: The cure for jealousy is three-fold: 1. Reduce anxiety 2. Dissolve your belief of Im not good enough 3. Reconnect to divine love 61: Love cannot coexist with the energy of revenge. 62: You are beautiful. You are lovable. You are worthy. You are an expression of divine love. 63: People who pray or meditate and routinely make time to connect to their spirituality enjoy a healthier self-esteem, clearer thinking, and a heightened sense of life-purpose. 64: The worlds best beauty secret is divine love. 65: The energy of romance is a very high, fast energy that moves faster than the speed of light. This is why it feels so good to fall in love. 66: If life and love were devoid of emotional pain, we

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would struggle to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 67: Instead of denying or ignoring your emotional pain, embrace it. Be with it. Listen to it. Let it teach you. Let it guide you. Let it whisper its wisdom to you. 68: The confident woman doesnt think too much about the hows, whys, and what-ifs about love. She simply shows up with an open heart and flows with whatever is. 69: Only through great risk can we know great love. 70: The empowered woman is able to fall back on her self-confidence and personal life fulfillments, which means she doesnt fall apart in the wake of rejection. 71: Only through great risk can we ever know great love. 72: Open your heart. Love yourself first. The world of romance is yours.

Love Language List

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. I appreciate myself. I am learning what healthy relationship boundaries look like. I am capable of setting healthy relationship boundaries I am open to seeing my own beauty. I AM good enough! I am attractive. I am kind. I am sweet. I am starting to recognize my beauty.

10. I stay calm and composed, even if he disappoints me. 11. I can explain my perspective in just a few simple, truthful

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words. 12. I allow distance to say what needs to be said. 13. I maintain my personal power in my relationships. 14. I am learning to allow love... rather than chase love. 15. I handle my relationships with confidence and goddesswisdom. 16. I am worthy of love. 17. I am getting this romance thing right. 18. I recognize my positive qualities. 19. I am learning how to set boundaries... with love. 20. I am learning to be more mysterious in my relationships. 21. I am capable of healthy change. 22. I love myself and it is good to be me. 23. I am raising my standards and reclaiming my self-respect. 24. I do not need to fix him. That is up to him. 25. I feel beautiful, worthy, and lovablewhether or not I have a romantic partner. 26. I create my own self-worth, self-love, and self-respect. 27. Im giving myself the gifts of inner peace and confidence. 28. My life is full of excitement, passion, and joy! 29. I create a healthy balance of distance and intimacy. 30. I trust the process of love. I dont need to control it. 31. I make these changes quietly; I keep my intentions to myself. 32. I pursue my own life interests and goals.

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33. I love feeling so energized about my own life! 34. It feels good to make healthy, positive changes in my life. 35. I am creating a fun and interesting life! 36. I love being me. 37. I am gentle with myself on this healing journey. 38. All of my feelings are valid; it is good for me to own them. 39. I welcome joy and abundance in every moment. 40. My past struggles have given me compassion, insight, and strength. 41. I am embracing my inner peace. 42. I no longer care what others think of me. I can just be myself. 43. I am attracting new and exciting life experiences. 44. I love myself and my life! 45. I am more than good enough! 46. I am letting go of guilt... to create more space for love. 47. I am learning to trust the process of life. 48. I am appreciative, loving, and kind. 49. I dont need to guilt others to get my needs met. 50. I resonate with the energies of love and trust in romance. 51. I use the word could instead of should. 52. I am fully capable of healthy relationship change. 53. I recognize and appreciate the good things in my life. 54. I recognize and appreciate the good in my relationships. 55. I am raising my relationship standards.

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56. I set my standards quietly and uneventfully. 57. I am forgiving... but not enabling. 58. I dont need to stay where Im not loved and cherished. 59. I no longer expect others to complete me. I complete me. 60. I dont owe a man anything after he buys me dinner, except a sincere, Thank you! 61. I keep my options open when it comes to romance. 62. The love I have for myself is reflected in my relationships. 63. I am fully capable of making logical, rational decisions. 64. All of my emotions are valid. 65. I allow my emotions to come up and to process. 66. I am gaining mastery over my emotions. 67. I can feel my emotions without being consumed by them. 68. I am lovable, intelligent, and attractive. 69. I laugh easily and often. 70. I am gentle with myself as I learn these new principles. 71. I can create inner-peace in any moment by closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing. 72. I take steps to create a beautiful and fulfilling life for myself. 73. I make sound, rational decisions... even when I feel emotional. 74. I can move beyond my neurological and hormonal urges. 75. I dont need to stay hooked on any one romantic partner. 76. I am moving forward to wonderful possibilities of love. 77. I easily let go of relationships that arent working for me.

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78. I am learning to live life from my heart... but this doesnt mean I abandon logic. 79. It is rational and healthy to put myself first sometimes. 80. I honor the distance necessary for me to heal and move on. 81. I respect myself; this is reflected in my relationship choices. 82. I live the authentic (real) version of myself. 83. I am trading my old beliefs for supporting, loving beliefs. 84. I am rewriting my beliefs about romance. 85. I am embracing all that is loving and beautiful. 86. I am stepping into my confident, genuine self. 87. I trust that the real me is more than good enough. 88. It is good to be a bit mysterious and elusive sometimes. 89. I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually balanced. 90. I am kind and thoughtful. 91. I am more than good enough! 92. I stand in my own unique beauty, love, and confidence. 93. I love myself and embrace everything about me. 94. I am calm, loving, and gentle. 95. I am a desirable woman with many gifts and talents. 96. I am a beautiful expression of divine love. 97. I dwell on positive, uplifting thoughts. 98. I invite healthy, passionate romance into my life. 99. I am open to the channels of divine love. 100. It is safe to feel my emotions.

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101. I listen to my emotions with love and gentleness.

102. I am learning to love from a space of self-confidence.(new

order) 103. I am confident enough to be vulnerable in romance. 104. I open my heart... and simply love. 105. I can set boundaries with love. 106. I allow myself to be vulnerable in romance. 107. I allow myself to be fully present with the one I love.
108. I move beyond the shadows of self-doubt and into the light

of love.

Also by Laurel Lee

Tapping into Love Reflection Journal: For profound integration of the goddess wisdom! With 108 Love Language Affirmations. Tapping into Love Workbook : Clear your emotional blocks and adapt the 12 Goddess Principles with this intensive chapter-bychapter tutorial! Tapping into Love Audio Book Love Note and Love Language Collection: Audio CD Set Visual Guided Imagery Scripts for Integrating the Goddess Wisdom: Audio CD Tapping into Love Junior : For girls 8-12: Empower her early with the basics of self-love and self-respect! Co-authored by Delaney Rose, age 10

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Tapping into Love Teen : For young women 13-16: Set her up for a lifetime of self-confidence, success, and a clear understanding of healthy relationship boundaries. Tapping into Chicks : Because men need love too! Tapping into Chicks gives even the most romantically wretched man the tools to step into his personal power and improve his romantic game! Tapping into Girls (for young men 13-16): This quick but powerful read helps young men gain the self-esteem and selfconfidence necessary to relate to girls in positive ways, setting them up for romantic success later in life!

Laurel Lee, MC
Laurel Lee is a gifted presenter and spiritual healer. Known for her candid, yet loving demeanor, she has earned a reputation for busting open and exposing commonly accepted modern day myths about love, sex, romance, and the formidable head games people can play when their hearts are on the line. Laurel is dedicated to teaching humanity the authentic principles and importance of love; nowhere is this more needed than in the romantic arena. Never has this wisdom been so needed than at this time in human history, when love is so severely lacking among us. Laurel is a Certified Reiki Master through Sunlight Alliance and a Certified Divine Healing Hands Soul Healer through the Institute of Soul Healing and Enlightenment. She earned both her Masters degree in Counseling and her Reiki Master Certification in 2004. Laurel studied both the clinical aspects and the spiritual aspects of

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human beings simultaneously, and for many years and has been able to derive many powerful parallels between the two worlds. Laurel delivers radical insight into even the most complicated of human love quandariesoften pulling the plug on the notions of victimhood and blamewhile simultaneously empowering people to embrace a far more loving, more succulent, and more passionate existence than they every thought possible. Laurels natural joy, boundless compassion, and devotion to truth entice readers to push through limited mental and emotional stuckness and align with the potent healing energy of love. She teaches us that the sweet and sacred energy of true-love-intimacy has the ability to heal mankind... two souls at a time. My-oh-my... what a sweet way to grow!

...because love matters

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