BABY LEFT: RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD, WHAT IS IT?

The public has not diminished reactions and indignation yet for the cruel death of a baby named Najden, who with a cut tongue ended up thrown in a yard in Arachinovo, and the citizens were shaken another cruel baby story - the four-month baby girl with head and body injuries was left on the hood of a car in the center of Skopje. What did the poor innocent babies do wrong and how can one play with their fate? - An issue that cannot be given a reasonable answer.

The First Children's Embassy say they do not find it difficult to fight for the rights of children, to represent and protect them. They say it is difficult for them because those who have to take care the most children the parents, beat, abuse, rape and kill them. It hurts even more when institutions instead of preventing situations to protect children, with their late reactions complicate the problems of children. Terminating parental rights is a belated measure after a child has been abused or killed by their own parents.

"Strict scrutiny for exercising quality parental rights is a serious challenge for all institutions and they should realize that all parents are responsible and do not know how to care of children. If responsible parenting is missing, it does not mean there should be absence of care by the state and its institutions to help and support the children. Now there are no taboos and silence of childrens sufferings. It requires responsibility, functionality and mobility of all. Of parents, of institutions, of civil society organizations and the media," says Dragi Zmijanac, founder and director of the First Children's Embassy MEGJASHI.

Strict penalties for parents - monsters!

The First Childrens Embassy Megjashi reminds us of the campaigns regarding the role of the parent and the importance of responsible parenthood for proper growth and development of the child. According to them, citizens remember well the slogans: Did you tell your child today how much you love them? or Did you talk to your child today? The purpose of the campaign, they say, was encouraging responsible parenthood. The more often you demonstrate love to children by hugging, kissing and saying I love you to them, the more they will want to show that they deserve it. Love enables building sense of self-confidence and self-respect in children. But, just hugging and saying to the child that you love them is not enough. It is necessary to talk.

There is neither education nor counseling on the importance of the parent and responsible parenthood. Due to parental negligence to a child, there is a possibility of revoking the parental right for a certain period of time, but it always happens as a belated measure when death or rape occurs. Courts act slowly. Proceedings are long, and it increases the risk of repeating the violence on children. It is worrying that centers, in most of the cases, do not know about the effects of the imposed measures. The biggest problem in dealing with those cases is not the legislative, but it is the lack of resources of the centres for social work and the lack of the trained social workers, the absence of shelter for children-victims of violence. In such circumstances, children are obliged to stay with their parents even in cases where they are beaten and maltreated by them, adds Dragi Zmijanac from Megjashi.

According to Articles 19, 34, 36, 39 of the Convention on the Rights of the Child, states-signatories commit to protect children from all forms of sexual exploitation and sexual abuse, to protect them from physical or emotional violence, abuse and neglect of all forms of sexual exploitation and sexual abuse, all other forms of exploitation harmful to the child and to take measures to promote physical and psychological recovery, as well as social reintegration of a child victim.

The topic of responsible parenthood is a crucial and it entails responsibility regarding the essence of the existence of a society, believes the psychologist Lidija Zorba. According to her, despite the populist policy of requiring young people to become parents of a third child with the intention of increasing the birth rate which has been declining for decades, the real situation regarding parenting is very bad. On the one hand, there are more couples who are treated for infertility even in older age who give a lot of money in private hospitals, on the other hand, many young hardly ever think of getting married and giving birth to a child because society requires them to graduate, master, to buy luxury apartments , to make great careers .

The young, believes Zorba, do not believe anymore in the pathetic filmed glorifications of the parental role. The quickly find out that without economic security, life with a child is even more

insecure. Not only that. Running towards some social, European or other standards, people start forgetting the real living needs, among them is the need to be a parent.

"Being a parent means first to give birth to a child with love and because of affection for your partner, to be ready to be a good part of their life (time, energy, money, commitment) to devote to bringing up a child. Being a responsible parent, it primarily means to be a responsible man or woman. When man and woman are not mature to become parents, and yet the give birth to a child, they risk never maturing and their child actually never to see a model of a mature father or mother. When parents are not mature as individuals, the child usually becomes a burden, expense, fatigue, excuse for many unfulfilled wishes of one or both parents, an excuse for divorce or staying married," says Lydia Zorba, MA, from the Center for Applied Psychology "Zorba Consulting".

She adds that when parents are not mature people, they do not enjoy the growth of the child; on the contrary, they reject one way or another, or poured on them the fury of his own dissatisfaction and feelings of deprivation. According to her, it is no secret that most parents beat their children, as many children regularly see their parents fighting each other. It also is no secret that in the orphanages, most of the children have one and some have two safe and healthy parents who just do not want to take care of them!

Responsible parenthood is learnt at home!

According to psychologists, responsible or mature parenting is taught at home by their own parents. If the child did not have a mature, responsible and dedicated parent, they themselves unconsciously become such parent. Therefore, experts have concluded that it is crucial to educate young people about how to mature in a way that implies responsibility for them and their families which they plan to create. This cannot be achieved by religious populist campaigns, but the wise long-term social and demographic policy through flexible and systematic projects that will be developed and implemented thoroughly and professionally and will start as early as the first days of the upbringing and education of current and prospective parents.

The fate of the four-month baby, which in the center of Skopje was left on the hood, Helsinki Committee for Human Rights was interested. Here, according to them, the problem should be seen deeper as the system to protect children living in social risk and dysfunctional families do not use all mechanisms to detect and monitor the situation of children - potential victims of violence. Often reactions arrive later because greater observance is not done by the services supposed to know where can or occur such situations or where to expect such situations of services that need to know where to place or to expect such reactions of leaving a child or its maltreatment, considers the

Helsinki Committee. They say, they will closely monitor the situation. It is the move of the competent from the Centre for Social Care and the Ministry of Interior.

The four-month baby girl, according to the doctors, is now in stable condition and is under the constant supervision at the Department of Intensive Care at the Skopje Clinic. The investigation should determine what exactly happened on Saturday night and who and why played with the babys fate, and still it is expecting clarification of the case of the baby Najden.