Pure Love, Pure Sex

directed by Chaitali; produced by Ong Hee Yah, in Tribal Sex & Marriage (Montreal, QC: CinFte, 2007), 49:06 mins

Anthropologist/Ethnographer: Chaitali Content Type: Documentary Copyright Message: Copyright 2007 by Cin Fte Director: Chaitali Discipline: Social Sciences Duration: 49 minutes Field of Study: Anthropology Format: Keywords: Polygyny; Women's roles; Husband-wife relationships; Polyandry Language Of Edition: English Narrator: David Medford Original Language: English Original Release Date: Place Published / Released: Montreal, QC Producer: Ong Hee Yah Publisher: CinFte Release Date: 2007 Series: Tribal Sex & Marriage Specialized Area of Study: Cultural anthropology Subject: Gender status; Endogamy; Cultural identity; Polygamous marriages Title: Pure Love, Pure Sex

David Medford Imagine a time when marriage was a very simpleinstitution. Man and woman come together basically to make babies, have children, raise a family, that sort of thing. Of course, love has to be a part of it because contraceptives were not invented then. I mean, why have sex if not for children? So how did marriage become so complicated today? How did love become divorced from marriage? How did divorce come into the marriage? How did sex become a one night stand? And where did lust come from? What about adultery, fornication, homosexuality, orgies,promiscuity? What is getting married all about, really? We're going to try to find some answers, but not in the cities because I'm sure you know all about sex in the city. Somewhere in this amazing world of ours, marriage is what marriage does. This is "Tribal Sex and Marriages". And these are the players in this game of love. Tribal Sex & Marriage. [music] David Medford Wait a minute. That doesn't sound right. Let's try again. [music] David Medford Hey, that's not it either. [music] David Medford Yup, that's the real McCoy. [music] David Medford Ah, the Himalayas. David Medford The land of the gods. David Medford Looking at it like this, you can almost believe that you could reach the heavens to the Himalayas. The word Himalayas in Sanskrit means ice home. According to legend, these mountains were the home of Lord Shiva, one of the three main gods in Hindu mythology. People also believed that those who live in its midst are a chosen lot, special and exotic because they are living on holy ground. Uncorrupted, untouched by modern society. [music] David Medford These tribes come in different shapes, sizes, colors and sounds. [music] David Medford But their actual origin is something that is still being debated today. [music] David Medford The northwestern part of the Himalayas is called Himachal Pradesh, where you can find about ten tribes. The land is the most important asset they have. That's why they try to keep it within their own family for generations, which then explains their, well, somewhat unusual and unorthodox marriage customs. David Medford Each village is made up of 20 to 25 houses. If you think that these people are backward and running around half naked, you could not be more wrong. Most of the villages have got it all together. Take the Kinnaur tribe, which lived high up in the Himalayas, about 10,000 feet above ground. According to their local legend there were five brothers called the Pendavas who were told by their mother to share everything they had including a beautiful woman. And they did. Five men to one wife.Until today this polyandry system is still in practice. Meet the lucky Kinnauri men and their women. [music] David Medford This is a very special night for the Kinnaurs, which we were lucky to have caught on film. It is the festival Ajagro(ph), which is celebrated once every three years. But for this village in Raugi(ph), this is the first time in 12 years, very special day indeed. David Medford Such festivals are occasions for the tribal members to turn up in full force. The women are preparing a feast for the community while the men are outside sitting and chatting. Their tribal identity is very strong. I mean, talk about branding, these people could teach marketingfolks a thing or two about that. One glance at them, and immediately you know who they are, where they come from because of what they wear. Bhajandas Respected village elder

Bhajandas We wear the hat because it's our custom. It's made with velvet and the tailor in the village makes it. It was quite cheap in our times, but now it's expensive. The velvet comes from Nepal but it's not as good as ours. We put real velvet which cost Rs60. Without this hat, we cannot attend any religious functions. It's like our fashion. We wear it not just in temples but at homes too. The younger generation does not wear it... But we older people wear it always wherever we go even when we are in cities like Delhi. David Medford Every village has its own god. In this village, their god is a reincarnation of Lord Vishnu called Marion(ph). Women are not allowed to touch the god. It usually has 18 heads and is carried on a palanquin covered by a hairpiece made of yak hair. The main 8head of the god is made of gold. The handles of the palanquin are made of silver. And to make it happy you have to get very special flowers called the jhongor(ph). They believe that it is a holy flower and can be found only 1500 feet up in the mountains. The village sent 10 to 15 people to go pluck these flowers for the god. Of course, many of the village devotees also go along because they want the blessings that come with it. Such religious processes are very important to the tribe. They turn to their God for all their major decisions they want to make life. For example, if you want to get married or if you want a quarrel to be settled or if you just want to know if you can allow strangers to enter the village. Well, you need to ask the god for its advice. They have to sway the palanquin as part of the process to make the god happy. The people are swaying because they are partly drunk and are walking backwards because Hindus are not allowed to show their backs to the god. David Medford The Kinnaurs are well known for having some of the most beautiful people of the world. They are andogenous(ph), which means that they only marry their own kind probably to keep those genes within the family, I guess. Every household is controlled and managed by thewoman. She is usually shared by the brothers and brothers-inlaw in a clan. It's called a common or joint marriage which is still in practice today.The center of the household revolves around her, and she is not happy she has a right to leave. David Medford 55 year old Satya Devi is a staunch believer in this common marriage system. She is the richest lady of the village. Satya Devi Richest lady in the village Satya Devi Joint marriages or, marriage is good because the household was stronger. If there were two husbands one would take charge at home. The other would work outside and bring home the earnings. but now separate marriages are the trends and there aren't more difficulties.Many go away because of their husband's drinking and fighting. But some tolerate despite the problems because of their children. They stay back but when the children grow up they also give problems and she has to endure it. But if in your karma, unhappiness has to come, it will calm. If your karma is good you will get happiness. It's ultimately your karma. David Medford Vasaldevi is married for the last 25 years. Til today, her husband is still smitten with her. Jakishe She is friendly and smiling. She is good to talk to. She is not like those who avert their face and not talk... David Medford But when Vassaldevi married Jakishe, her mother-in-law begged her for a favor. She wanted Vasaldevi to also marry her older son, Davisu(ph) who is deaf and dumb. His own wife had left him. Vasaldevi Has two husbands who are brothers Vasaldevi My younger husband also told me to keep his brother company and said we should stay together. So I agreed. David Medford And, uh, how is the sleeping arrangement? Vasaldevi I used to sleep with my children, they are grown-up so mostly I sleep alone. Before this... I used to sleep with one husband one day and the other the next day, alternately. INTERVIEWER Any problems in that? Vasaldevi No. David Medford Wife sharing is something Vasldevi had grown up with because her own mother was married to her two uncles. INTERVIEWER Do you know which children belongs to which father? How? Vasal Devi Yes, I know... when one was at home and the other wasn't, I would know. INTERVIEWER If they fight amongst each other over you, what will happen? Vasaldevi Never... Otherwise I would have left... I had forewarned one of them it's not my responsibility if you guys fight over me later. INTERVIEWER Do the children respect both the fathers equally? Vasaldevi The children think equally of them, respect both. And call both "father".

David Medford Vasaldevi has three sons and one daughter. Two of her sons are in the Army. She is one amazing woman because she has managed to keep the peace and harmony in her household. Jakishe shares wife with older brother Jakishe My brother literally cannot utter a word... He never does any wrong. My brother is hard of hearing, so he hardly speaks... I don't get angry with him. If I get angry, then I have to go on my separate way. It's my brother's love that we are together. Furthermore, one of us has to dedicate some time to the village deity and one has to stay at home... If we separated as brothers, that will cost us more and economically, it's not viable. A common pool of resources gives us a better life. We can educate our kids better. Jakishe Tell them that you are happy with us, are you? David Medford Now, isn't that sweet? The language of love never fails to bring a smile to a woman's face. Jaidevi is one lucky lady because she hastwo men looking out for her. She married Hirachand, the younger brother.But when she came to her husband's house, she was asked to be the wife to her brother-in-law who was a widower. And her own husband alsoencouraged her to do so. Jaidevi has four children. Jaidevi Has two husbands INTERVIEWER How many are from Hirachand and how many from Roshantal? Jaidevi Three are from him and one from him. INTERVIEWER Are you happy with the marriage? Roshantal Yes, happy. INTERVIEWER What makes you angry? Jaidevi I get angry mostly about home matters... Work matters. INTERVIEWER Do you have to work hard... How do you start your day? Jaidevi I clean, wash up, bathe the children, cook and go to the farm. INTERVIEWER Do you get tired? Jaidevi If I get tired, I rest around noon. In the mornings and evenings I have to work. INTERVIEWER Do you do anything else? Jaidevi Make wool, knit sweaters. INTERVIEWER How do you make peace, when your husbands fight? Jaidevi No it does not happen, no fights happen. Both understand. The younger one understands. The older one understands. INTERVIEWER Whom are you close to? Jaidevi I am closer to the younger one. INTERVIEWER Does it to make the older one jealous? Jaidevi No... David Medford Well, it's pretty obvious that no one is about to broadcast to the whole world that they have marital problems. Lest you think that all is hunky-dory in these households, it is not. But, it's not something that these women cannot handle. Take Bajandaas(ph) and Gangadasi for instance. She has put up with his bad behavior for 25 years. INTERVIEWER If your husband sometimes does not listen to you, what do you do? Gangadasi Respected Village Elder Gangadasi I sometimes thought of leaving with my children to live separately. Bajandaas Then I try to make her happy by promising not to drink, not to make funny jokes. It sometimes happens when you drink yourself silly.During that time I used to be with the sheep and goats and go out into the mountains. She was left behind with the children. INTERVIEWER You never thought that while you were away another man could come into her life? Bajandaas No. No we have faith! David Medford We are going to move onto the next tribe, which also lives high up in these mountains. They are the Gaddis. [music] David Medford Nobody quite knows when and where they came from.The story is told of how the Gaddis once lived peacefully in the cities, Lahore and Delhi. In the seventeenth century they had to run away from religious persecution. Many fled to the Himalayas, but the land was cold and hard, and they had no means to make a living. Then the Brahmans among them chanted the Gayatri mantra, which is a Hindu prayer. And as the legend goes, a thick

black rope appeared from nowhere. The Gaddis took this as a sign from the gods for them to become shepherds. And henceforth, both men and women where this special rope around their waist until today. David Medford It is called the dora, and is about 60 meters long and is made of sheep's wool. Mitturam Shepherd, Gaddis Tribe Mitturam I am wearing Chola and Dora. These two are integral. I can use the chola to keep little animals like this or to rescue animals. I can keep my weapons here and when it snows and rains, these things come in handy. It is worn usually with all clothes. David Medford Unlike the Kinnauris, the Gaddis are semi-nomadic. They have a few settlements in the mountains, and they move when it gets too cold. In this tribe a married woman wears a nose ring and a vermilion mark on her head. [music] David Medford Like the Kinnauri woman, her right to choose is respected in the tribe. She has a say in what she wants, who she wants to marry, and no one can force her to do it. This is Tulsadevi she has a co-spouse, and this is their husband. That the sister-in-law. That's her husband, Mitturam. Tulsadevi has been married for 32 years. Tulsadevi Shares husband with another spouse The Batta Satta Marriage Tulsadevi If Batta Satta was not prevalent every man in the village would have remained unmarried! What a question you asked! T tell you... David Medford Tulsadevi has four children. That is important because if you cannot conceive, your husband has the right to marry a second wife. And if you're not happy about it, you can either leave the marriage or just live with it. [music] INTERVIEWER What's your name? Desraj Desraj. Sripur Sripur. Desraj I will show you how I do it. I take out wool thread, put this thread slowly into this and roll. David Medford Desraj married Sripur after his wife died 10 years ago. The Gaddis called this kind of marriage Jhanharara or a smaller marriage. The Gaddis man can take him widows or singles as their second or consecutive wife, and the price of the bride is about 250 US dollars. INTERVIEWER How did you win her hand of marriage? Desraj When I used to go to the mountains with my herd, her father also used to, with his herds. We got friendly and the relationship happened. INTERVIEWER Did you feel awkward that you're going to be his second wife? Sripur The Jhanharara Marriage (Smaller Marriage) Sripur No, actually I was too young to understand. When I got married, I didn't feel scared as I have faith in him. INTERVIEWER Are you happy? Desraj The Jhanharara Marriage (Smaller Marriage) Desraj Happy! Why would I not be? When an old man gets a young wife, it makes him happy! David Medford These two lovely ladies are Desraj's daughters-in-law. They both have been married for less than a year, and they are not about to discuss what goes on in the bedroom. Desraj's daughters-in-law INTERVIEWER How many children are you planning to have? David Medford Whatever you might think of their marriage customs, the fact is the women are taken care of. Hardly anyone is left alone, because somewhere somehow they are taken in by someone in the clan. David Medford Hari Singh is a farmer and a carpenter. He's 60 years old and has two wives. He married the second one after 15 years of marriage.Why did he do that? Hari Singh Took a second wife (Smaller Marriage) Hari Singh She is my sister-in-law, my first wife's sister. She was married before but he left her, so I brought her. INTERVIEWER For your second marriage, did you pay any more money? Hari Singh No... No expenses, no money. INTERVIEWER You brought another wife, wasn't your first wife's angry? Hari Singh She is her aunt's sister. To manage them, I have arranged for separate kitchens. INTERVIEWER So how do you spend time with both, eating, sleeping etc.? Hari Singh Mostly eating and living is was the first one... sleeping too.

INTERVIEWER What about the second one? Hari Singh Yes, sometimes I eat and sleep there but less often. Ruttu Devi Hari Singh's first wife Ruttu Devi Now what to say, he remarried after 10 12 years of our marriage. INTERVIEWER Did he take your permission before marriage? Ruttu Devi No, he went ahead without asking and got married. INTERVIEWER Didn't you get angry? Ruttu Devi Why get angry? She is family. INTERVIEWER You were married before and this is your second marriage, isn't it? Manga Devi Hari Singh's second wife Manga Devi What marriage...? Who told you; who gets married again and again. INTERVIEWER Your husband said so. Manga Devi Who is he to say that he married me and brought me here? Tell me? Take my photo while I'm eating or cooking, but why are you asking all this? Who gets married again and again... They are outsiders but who are you to tell about my life? My husband is talking rubbish about me. Why are you showing off? David Medford Boy, she is one angry lady. And it's a good thing we filmed her and Hari Singh together before we interviewed her. Maya Devi's first husband had left her because she couldn't conceive. Her aunt then got Hari Singh to marry her. She is not happy that her privacy has been invaded by none other than her own husband. Otherwise, they seem quite a happy couple. David Medford The last but not least love marriages where both men and women have the choice as to who they want to marry. Kishen and his wife Saroj Kumari fell in love and courted each other for six months before they tied the knot. [music] INTERVIEWER Are you too happy with each other? Kishen and Saroj the Love Marriage Saroj Yes... Very happy. INTERVIEWER Is there anything about him that makes you angry? Saroj Yes there are little things that make me angry but I get over it after some time. INTERVIEWER What about you? Kishen I get angry but I cool down pretty fast. INTERVIEWER So is the love still the same? Will it remain? Saroj Yes it is... It will stay forever. David Medford They are considered to be the modern Gaddis because they have been educated. So what would be her stand if her parents had objected to this love marriage? Saroj If they didn't agree, this would not have happened. I cannot rebel against the family. Our parents have not raised as to be like that. INTERVIEWER Then you could have lost Kishen? Saroj Maybe, but like I told you, I cannot go against parents. INTERVIEWER You are from the new generation, do you follow Gaddi customs and traditions? Saroj Educated Gaddis woman Gaddis Yes we do. Just because we are from the new generation, it doesn't mean we will not follow the Gaddis customs. David Medford And now we move down the mountains to the Jaunsar tribe. [music] David Medford A family in a Jaunsar household means having more than one father and mother. Children sometimes grow up without really knowing who their biological father is, but it doesn't make them worse off than those who do, because in such a tribal system the focuses is on the family, the land and the property. Nandram is a shopkeeper. He has twofathers and three mothers. Almost everyone is related to him because his village practices all the poly's: polyandry, polygyny and polygamy. While the caste system is still entrenched in the tribe, it is more pronounced in the Jaunsar tribe. Nandram Has 3 mothers and 2 fathers

Nandram Jaunsar people are divided into castes like Doin, Kolta, Pandit(Brahman) and Rajput. There are 4 5 castes. The Rajputs practice discrimination. They look down upon the lower castes like us. We are Koltas. [music] David Medford The Jaunsars also live closer to the city, which really hasn't done them much good. They are very poor, and unlike the Gaddis and Kinnaurs, their marriage customs have not made life better for them.Illiteracy is high. Child marriages used to be practiced in this tribe, which led to many divorces. These have created a very unhealthy condition and the tribe where relations can get very complicated. Let's go back to Nandram. He has technically two fathers and three mothers. This is his first mother. This is his step brother, because his biological mother has left his two fathers and married to other men, Juda Singh(ph) and Purba Singh(ph), who are brothers. Then Purba Singh married to this lady in pink, but instead of living happily ever after, they fought and now live apart. Kindo Naradam's mother, no longer married to his father Kindo We had some trouble between us, so we separated from each other. We used to live together before but when she came in, we separated. David Medford Because of that, they left one very unhappy old woman, very unhappy. Kindo's mother-in-law Mother-in-law My sons separated... My husband died. I am all alone, no one with me... no one to look after. No one to give me a smoke or clothes to wear. I can't even see much or here. My sons who were together left me. They separated. All these are my daughter-in-laws and grandsons but the moment these two women came, everyone separated! David Medford Dividing the land and breaking up the household is the worst that can happen to a tribe. This lady is not likely to have that problem at least for now, because she is the only hen in the courtyard.And this is the household she manages. From the left is husband numberone, two and three, and all our brothers. Sardar Singh Shares wife with two brothers Sardar Singh The family used to be united. There was love. For instance, we are three brothers. If we marry separately, there would be enmity.There was the legend of the Pandevas brothers who remained together.It's a relationship based on honesty. Our tradition is based on this legend.Our grandparents and parents also told us to be like the five brothers who live together. Those brothers went to the jungle together and lived there, even ate leaves, but they remained united. Sardar Singh's youngest brother Shares wife with older brothers Youngest Brother Five brothers together it is a good thing. But now, the situation is changing. Brothers are not meeting brothers, sisters are not meeting sisters. what more is there...? David Medford Well, I suppose we can understand why they have the multi-spouse system going. But, what about the health problems? Let's not even talk about AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, because of their multiple partners. David Medford Sunita is a Jaunsari. Ten years ago she left the tribe to study in the city. She is the first graduate and postgraduate woman in her tribe. Sunita is a teacher and is definitely against child marriage and polyandry. Sunita First Jaunar postgraduate from village Sunita It was a bad system for a woman because... It was terrible as she was shared according to the Pandeva tradition. She was exploited so much that she could never complete her lifespan because... she would contract some disease or other and die. Being the only woman in the house... she used to leave behind motherless children which was really a cause for concern. Though some woman got around it by divorcing and remarrying... but now the situation is changing and it is for the betterment of women. David Medford They have been around for hundreds and hundreds of years. And each of them has managed to preserve their identity, which is created by how they procreate, how they live, hate and love. Their idea of marriage is almost free from the modern complications we are so familiar with because they didn't go to the same school as we did. Is that's good or bad? Well, no one can say. INTERVIEWER Have you ever thought of leaving this place? Chetna Married and expecting A Kinoaun Chetna No... I like it here. I like the ice capped mountains, high waterfalls.Village people living in a community is what I like. Nasib Young and restless A Gaddis Nasib The family should think about us. We have to do what we want. If we love someone, it's our life, it's up to us.

[music] narrated by DAVID MEDFORD directed by CHAITALI filmed by RAJNEESH SHARMA G.S. NEGI India production crew SHRIKANT SHUKLA DEEPAK DWIVEDI DEEPAK VIKAS edited & coloured by TEA WEE BOON post production by CUTTING EDGE Animation and illustration by SIXTREES VIX COMMS PTE LTD Production Assistant LYNETTE OH Production Manager MARIANAH ARSHAD Written and Produced by ONG HEE YAH CALDECOTT