Vous êtes sur la page 1sur 10

# A hillarious spelling mistake behind a truck, saying: Put deeper at night!

# In life, never look down on anybody, unless u r getting a lovely view of the

# Russian: Sir we got a huge order from usa for 16 inches condoms. I think it is
to embrass us.
Boss: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE.

# Santa on long tour asks Banta 2 inform if anything unusual haoens at home.
Banta SMSs after a month: Man who comes 2 Screw Ur Wife daily, didnt come today.

# Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity don't screw the opportunity!

# Why is a woman's pubic hair curly?

So that it won't poke a man in the eye!

# Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?

To see if u really mean it!

# Why is sex similar to shaving?

Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u hav to do it again.

# Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and
then they want to kill the woman who does.

# Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .

Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

# Life is all about Ass; We are either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it,
kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one!

# The stock markets now are like an old man's dick;

Just refusing to rise, and The irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

# This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!

# 70 ways to make a woman happy: No. 1 is shopping & the rest is '69'.

# We had a girl to stay; her name was Viginia. We called her Virgin for short, but
not for long.
# Father in Church: An hour's pleasure is not worth a lifetime of disgrace. Any
Someone yelled: Tell me how do you make it last an hour ?

# Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity - don't screw the opportunity!

# What is Fashion Designing?

Too many brains working on too little clothes with too many ideas on how to cover
two little areas.

# What is d similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?

Skill is more important than the instrument...

# I'm not a Gynaecologist, but I wouldn't mind having a look..

# What is Female Viagra


# A old woman calls the Police department and says: I have a Sex Maniac in my
apartment. Pick him up in the morning!

# Teacher: What do u know about Sensex?

Pappu When we have sex with Riya Sen, Raima Sen, Rimi Sen, Konkana Sen & Sushmita
Sen etc. it's called Sen Sex!

# The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them
to : Hang Till Death !

# Girl: Xcuse me brother, that's my seat.

Boy: OK! But I'm not ur brother, my father never fucked ur mom.
Girl: True, but my father did !

# Why are condoms transparent?

So that sperms can atleast enjoy the scene, even if their entry is restricted...!

# Every married man keeps wondering every evening: Should I go out and look at
what I cannot fuck or....Stay home and fuck what I cannot look at....

# Sex n shopping have one thing in common: In both the cases, men start sweating
in 15 minutes n women want to go on and on and on and on!

# How do you define a virgin?

On the Verge but not in!
# What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another Damm Woman trying to do a Man's job!!

# A football team loses their star player, Roger Dicks, due to an injury.
Next day a headline reads: Team to play without Dicks.
The manager calls up the newspaper and objects, so the editor changes the
headline. It reads: Team to play with Dicks out.

# What do politicians and porn stars have in common?

They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.

# On a NUDE beach a man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U!
Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that.

# Why do men get circumcised?

Because women will GRAB anything with 20% off!!

# What is a man's idea of foreplay?

Half an hour of begging.

# Todays generation: Six year old boy to a four year old boy: Dude, I found a
condom in the balcony.
Four year old boy: What�s a balcony ?

# A man is taking a woman home after their first date. When they get to her door,
he asks if he can come inside.
Woman: Absolutely not. I never ask a guy to come in on the first date.
Th Man: All right then how about on the last date?

# Q: What did the sign s on the door the door of the Whorehouse say?

# Q: What does a nymphomaniac chicken sound like?

A: Fuck-fuck-fuck...... fuck-fuck-fuck.

# A man raced into to the gents toilets in a pub, ran up to the urinal, whipped
out his 12 inch dick and said with a sigh of relief, "Phew, just made it!"
The man next to him, looked over and said, "Pretty impressive, could you make me
one too!"

# The young couple were holding hands in the Nudist camp.

Guy: When I tell you I love you why do you always lower your eyes?
Girl answered shyly: To see if it's true

# Advice of a dentist: Treat your girl friend like a toothbrush. Dont let anybody
else use it and get a new one every 3 months!

# Q: What is common between a girl's legs n Amul butter?

Both are delicious when spread.

# Mr Chu from China & Mr Tiya from Korea came to India & setup a Firm. Till now,
they have no Business & are still wondering why their firm: CHUTIYA & CO. failed?

# Doctors have discovered that most single women can't fart. Apparently, they
don't have an asshole until they get married to one.

# What's the difference between a thin prostitute and a counterfeit note?

One is a phony buck and the other is a boney fuck.

# A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said: I bet
you can't tell me something that will make me feel happy and sad at the same time.

The wife thought for a few moments, then said: Your penis is bigger than your

# Q: What is the definition of innocence?

A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleep

# Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstick and a magician's

A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts.

# When God made me, He asked, "Great Memory or Giant Penis?". I cant remember what
I said.

# Marriage: Where you have to keep paying for sex long after you had it.

# Virgin Airline ad: We are much more experienced than our name suggests!

# One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?
The second guy: No, but I've woken up with a few.

# What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?

Stay out of BED for two days.

# What's common between U and Christmas tree?

The balls are just for decoration.
# Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon,
I'm gonna divorce her.

# Kiss- Height of luv

Nipple- Peak of luv
Boobs- Shape of luv
Penis- Length of luv
Pussy- Depth of luv
Ass- Base of luv
Testicles- Weight of luv
Fuck- Experience of luv
Suck- Taste of luv
Masturbation- Substitute of luv
Condom- Care of luv
Sperm- Cream of luv
Marriage- Mistake of luv
Pregnancy- Proof of luv
Child- Outcome of luv

# I told my wife I want to die in bed. She said, "You did last night - three

# Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.

"Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far
as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible."
"Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash possible."

# The sexy secretary walked into her boss's office & said, "I'm afraid I've got
some bad news for you"
"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good
news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile....."

# Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I
cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my
garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that
when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."

# A really, really fat man got out of the shower at the health club. A second man
said: Gee, you're fat!
The fat man: Yeah.
The second man asked: How long's it been since you've seen your dick?
The fat man answered: Long time.
The second man asked: Why don't you diet?
The fat man asks: Why? What color is it now?

# A woman walks into a gynaecologist's office who greets her with: At your cervix,
The woman replies: Dilated to meet you!

# A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy
leaping out of the window.
Wie yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

# My wife says my sex drive has taken up walking

# Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down

# "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the
"Honey," he continued, "what would then neighbors think if I mowed the lawn like
His wife thought for a moment, then replied, "That I married you for your money."

# Q: What does a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common?

A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

# Litte Boy: Daddy, where did I come from?

Daddy: You came from the stork
Little Boy: Ewww, you fuc ked a stork?

# A delicate young man walked into an army recruiting office. After answering
numerous questions, he was finally asked if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted
that he was.
Recruiter: Gay, huh? Do you think you could kill a man?
"My, yes," the man giggled, "but it would take days & days"

# What do you do if you come across a girl in your bed?

Apologise and wipe it off!

# Baniya gave matrimonial ad for his daughter, working at a call centre: Wanted a
suitable match for Chandigarh's highest paid call girl

# Did you hear that Elton John is getting a divorce.......Found out his husband
was having sex behind his back

# As Mike walked into the office on Monday morning, a co-worker asked, "How was
your weekend?"
"I played a round of golf... I hit two of my best balls," he replied.
"Tell me about it," asked his co-worker.
"Well, er, I stepped on a rake"

# A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his
stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, "Big breaths."
The girl replies, "Yeth and I'm not even thixteen."

# What did the Hen say when Rooster tried to rape her?
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuckaaak

# Sant,a unable to satisfy his wife, took Banta�s advice.

While having sex, he asked her: Do u feel any change?
Jeeto: Yes, today u r doing it like Banta

# Q: Why are babies so fragile?

A: They are put together with one screw.

# Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor.
One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
One day we should get her for this, said the first boy.
I agree. We'll grab her... said the second.
The third guy: And then we'll kick her in the nuts!

# Pastor: Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?
Johnnie: Sure, back of the church yard.

# Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex?

Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it?
Santa: She does it for free.

# What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?

Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing

# Two prostitutes were talking:

We're in the best business in the world
Why's that then?
Well, we've got it, we sell it, and we've STILL got it!

# One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever been to bed with an ugly woman?
The second guy says: No, but I've woken up with plenty

# A policeman arrested a prostitute in the Hospital area & asked for her
Prostitute: I'm a social engineer.
Policeman: What do u do?
Prostitute: I build & destroy erections

# Q: Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?

A: A computer doesn't laugh at a 3� inch floppy.

# A Kiwi farmer was counting his sheeps: "205, 206, 207, hello darling, 209,

# When a man of 60 marries a girl of 21, it's like buying a book for someone else
to read.

# The definition of an optimist is a woman who loads up the CD changer before

making love.

# A French n a Brit gynecologists were chatting. French: Just last week there was
this woman, her cliotris was like a melon.
Brit: That's a lie, she wouldn't be able to walk if it was.
French: You Brits always talk about size; I was talking about the taste.

# Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week.
Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months.

# A female Press Reporter slaps Santa. Banta standing near asks Santa: Y did she
slapped u?
Santa: On her T-shirt was written 'Press', so I just pressed�

# Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the
needy, not the greedy...

# A professor was asked to give a talk on Sex

When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone just
so. He said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..."
And he sat back down.

# Did you hear about the blind man who was walking down the street and as he
passed the fish market he tipped his hat and said, "Good evening ladies.

# Q: What does PMS stand for?

A: Penis Must Suffer

# Dentist didnt get erection on wedding night so he used finger. Wife: What's
Nothing honey, just a temporary filling.
# I've invented a fly spray that doesn't kill flies; it makes them so sexually
active, you can swat two at a time.

# If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?

And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

# Old chinese proverb says: Man with erection walking through door sideways is
always going to Bangkok.

# Doctor: Ur knees all blistered?

Lady: Coz of doggy style!
Doctor: Cant u do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't!

# Wife, stark naked, stands on her head in bed.

Husband: What the hell are you doing?
Wife: I figured if you can't get it up, you could surely drop it in.

# What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?

In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

# Sometimes I call my husband 'Q'," the wife told her friend.

Her friend asked: Why's that? Is he some kinda superguy like that man on Star
No, he's a big fat zero with a little dick hangin' down.

# Two women were having lunch together and discussing the merits of cosmetic
The first woman: I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job.
The second woman: Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!
To which the first replies: Wow! I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!

# A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from 1-14, went to court to sue her
husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.
"When did he leave you?" the judge asked.
"Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied.
The judge was confused. "Well, if he left thirteen years ago, where did all these
children come from?"
"Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry."

# Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.

# The Five Sizes of Penises: 1. Small, 2. Medium, 3. Large, 4. Oh My God!, and 5.

Is that available in white?