Noticing What Your Inner Wisdom Is and Is Not Real wisdom is so different from what's drilled into us by most

authority figures that we tend to go functionally blind to it. But even if you can't recognize your own wisdom, you can notice what it isn't. om!are this list of Buddy traits with their "ang o!!osites. Wisdom Is Sensory, Not Verbal #It's not as though I hear a voice,# says a friend of mine who's famous for her wisdom. #It's more li$e a little $id ta!!ing me on the shoulder. It's something I feel.# In other words, while the voice of social conditioning manifests itself as a stream of thoughts in the head, wisdom often a!!ears as emotions or !hysical sensations in the body. Brain%damaged !atients who lose function in !arts of the brain that register emotion may still understand the logic of a !roblem, but can no longer reason effectively or ma$e advantageous decisions for themselves. &he emotional centers of the brain, along with the elaborate bundle of nerves in your belly 'the so%called gut brain(, have been evolving far longer than language. )nd that system, more than logic, is e*+uisitely attuned to hel!ing you navigate your way through life. ,o if you're wondering whether a choice is wise or not, don't search your mind for a rational argument. Instead, hold each o!tion in your attention, then feel its effect on your body and emotions. When something's wrong for you, you'll feel constriction and tightness. &he wise choice leads to feelings of liberation, even e*hilaration. Wisdom Is Calm, Not Fearful &he inner voice of social conditioning-that would be "angdoesn't .ust s!ea$ in words/ it shouts them. "Do it my way!" "ang shrie$s. "Do not screw this up!" By contrast, inner wisdom is stillness itself. If you're waiting for wisdom to outscream !aranoia, get comfortable. It's gonna be a long wait. Instead, you might want to regard the thought stream in your brain as an annoying &0 tal$ show !laying in an u!stairs a!artment. ,end your attention downstairs, to a !lace in the center of your chest where Buddy is smiling in the stillness. It hel!s to ta$e some dee! breaths. You may have to lie down. But as you feel for that stillness, the yaw!ing from your brain will seem less im!ortant. )s you begin to rela*, you'll find yourself guided to do une*!ected things. &hese may include

.ust resting, often the single wisest choice. Wisdom Is Chosen, Not Forced "rom infancy we're trained by adults who can force us to coo!erate. ,ometimes, indeed, we're trained so well that we begin to e*!ect all instructions to come through coercion. "You're crazy to want that!" "ang shouts as you try to grow or en.oy life. #You don't deserve it1# #You'll fail1# 2eanwhile, your inner Buddy $noc$s gently, then waits to be invited in. Wisdom is far, far stronger than fear, but while fear gladly forces itself u!on you, wisdom will do nothing of the $ind. We can't be victims of wisdom3 It must be chosen. ,to! and e*amine any frightening, ugly, or !ainful thought that customarily drives you. )s$ yourself3 Really? Is this really the $ind of energy you want blaring through your inner s!ace4 If not, calmly state a truer thought3 #You're wrong, "ang. I do deserve this, and even if I do fail, the world won't end.# "ang will not a!!reciate this. &here will be shouting. But you'll gain wisdom every time you choose to believe the !eaceful thoughts again-and again, and again, and again. 5ltimately, this !ractice will enable you to ta$e "ang less seriously. &hen you can go out to !lay with Buddy, who's much more interesting. Next: 6*ercises to hel! follow your inner buddy "ollowing Your Inner Buddy 6*ercise 73 WWB84 Think of a challenging circumstance or difficult decision you ha en to be facing right no!"something that#s been kee ing you u at night$ With this situation in mind, !rite the first ans!er that comes u !hen you ask yourself the follo!ing %uestions$ &on#t o'erthink the ans!ers$ In fact, don#t think about the ans!ers at all"(ust blurt$ With regard to your difficult situation$$$

What !ould calm do no!) What !ould eace do no!) What !ould relaxation do no!)

*Note: I don#t include +What !ould lo'e do no!)+ because so many eo le ha'e such misguided inter retations of lo'e$ They think lo'e !ould sacrifice its o!n ha iness, or thro! a tantrum, or hide in an ex,boyfriend#s garage

!earing nothing but night,'ision goggles and a leo ard, rint thong$The more often you ask yourself these strange %uestions, the more o en you become to the gentle energy of your o!n inner !isdom$ When you feel your body begin to let go of tension, you kno! you#re headed in a !ise direction$ .nd that's !hat /uddy !ould do$ 6*ercise 93 Nightmare Board, Wisdom Board 0erha s you#'e heard of 'ision boards: collages you assemble from ictures of things that a eal to you$ 1ost of us go through life carrying something similar in our minds"exce t that instead of ictures that a eal to us, they#re cro!ded !ith ictures that torment and terrify us$ I call these nightmare boards$ 2our nightmare board, curated, assembled, and rominently dis layed by your inner Fang, contains images of e'erything that frightens and u sets you, including all your most hideously ainful ex eriences$ Fang is continuously adding ne! ictures to the board and lo'ingly retouching the old ones$ 3ere#s a radical assignment: 1ake your nightmare board real$ 4lue u some actual images of e'ery frightening thought that haunts you$ /ut don#t sto there$ When you#re finished, you#re going to make another board$ This ne! board must contain three or more images that contradict e'ery icture on the nightmare board$ For exam le, if your nightmare board sho!s a de'astating oil s ill, your 'ision board might feature three hotogra hs of eo le tenderly s!abbing oil,coated ducks$ For e'ery image of 'iolence, come u !ith three exam les of lo'ing kindness5 for e'ery crisis, find three beautiful, ordinary moments of calm$ When you#re finished, ceremoniously shred, burn, or other!ise trash Fang#s nightmare board$ Then ut your !isdom board !here you can see it$ Focusing on ho e in a !orld of fear isn#t nai'e$ It#s the irrational essence of !isdom$ 6*ercise :3 0ocab Rehab Take ten minutes and !rite a descri tion of your life"stream of consciousness, no self,(udgment, no editing$ Then go o'er your descri tion, looking for e'ery !ord that carries frightening or ainful associations$ These !ords ha'e more o!er than you might think$ Studies sho! that after focusing on !ords ha'ing to do !ith aging, eo le !alk more slo!ly5 !hen they see !ords associated !ith anger, they#re more likely to be rude$ This henomenon is called affecti'e riming, but it !orks both !ays$ 2ou can use it to connect !ith your inner !isdom by changing e'ery stressful !ord in your self,descri tion to something more freeing, relaxing, or exhilarating$ If you !rote +I#m ner'ous,+ see !hether +I#m excited+ may also fit$ The !ord unsure could be re laced by open. .s you change your story, Fang#s 'oice !ill begin to soften, and the eace that comes from your !iser inner 'oice !ill begin to arise$

;ractice 2a$es ;ermanent .ll these exercises can di'ert your attention from bossy, self,righteous Fang and hel you a reciate the brilliance of your inner /uddy$ Wisdom !ill ne'er be the loud, ob'ious one in this odd cou le$ It !ill ne'er shout do!n its o osition or barge in unin'ited$ /ut each time you choose !isdom as your ad'iser, you come closer to making the choice a !ay of life$ Trust me, that#s ad'ice you !ant to take$