07 Winter Retreat 9

Winter Retreat Sravasti Abbey Teaching/ Q&A #9 Venerable Thubten Chodron February ! ""# $otivation% When meditating on emptiness, the first step when we are exploring the selflessness of persons, specifically ourselves is to identify the object of negation. ot just by reciting words, but by recalling that very experience. !o they often recommend remembering a time when we felt critici"ed unjustly, were upset, were mad# and how does the $, the self, appear to exist at that time% &'ually, we could use a situation in which we feel we are being rejected, not listened to, we have something important to say and people are tuning us out, so again we are agitated, irritated. (ow does the $ appear to exist at that time% !o you have to call up that feeling of how that $ is. )hen we have to loo* for that $ because if it exists, it should be findable the more we investigate and loo* for it. We have to first ascertain however that if it exists, it+s got to be findable either within our five aggregates or separate from our five aggregates. )o be very clear in our own mind that there are only those two alternatives, there is not a third alternative somewhere. !o if this really strong independent ,&, who other people aren+t listening to, who they+re accusing unfairly, if this ,& is indeed existent in the way it appears, only two alternatives- in the aggregates or separate from them. )hen we start to explore in the aggregates. !ometimes it+s tempting to rush through the body- .$ am not my eyes, $ am not my mouth, $ am not my this, $ am not my that./ 0ut it can also be very effective to just

07 Winter Retreat 9

slowly disassemble our body. )here often feels that there is a real ,& hanging out somewhere inside this body. !o if we start loo*ing in all the parts of the body, what they are and seeing if they are me and then if they aren+t, putting them aside. )hen see how it feels after you+ve gone through every single part of your body and you can+t locate yourself. 1nd then we also loo* through our mind at all the different *inds of consciousnesses- eye, ear, all the sense consciousnesses, the mental consciousnesses, all the thoughts, the attitudes, the emotions, the feelings. 1re any of these mental events ,&% 2an $ find, is 3myself4 located as one with any of these mental events% &ven the thought $, is the thought $, ,&% What about separate from our body and mind% $s there some amorphous thing that is really me% !ome soul, some formless something, that is independent, doesn+t rely on anything else, and is ,& floating around somewhere% $f you have that feeling, really analy"e and as* what is that% We have this feeling of some 3me4 floating around, what is it% )ry and find it and pin it down. $f you can+t find the $, either inside the aggregates, one with the aggregates or separate from them, then just stay in that not5finding. )hat sense of emptiness, that what you thought was there, is nowhere to be found. !o this is 3$4 that everything in your whole life is based on. $t is just something made up. 6ou can+t find it. (ow much energy do we put into trying to protect and promote something that is nonexistent% While the inherently existent self is totally non5existent, when you collect the body and the four mental aggregates together, in dependence upon them, there is the label .$/. 1ll that is, that label, the thought .$/, but there is nothing there. )hat is .$/ from its own side. )his is the lightly labeled .$./ $t is unfindable when you loo* for it.

07 Winter Retreat 9

ow when we open our eyes, the appearance to our senses is so strong, .$ am here./ 7our people, two cats, the whole thing is subjectively existent. )hat is how it appears to the senses. 6ou can see how what we are perceiving is 'uite far away from what actually is. 8et some idea of how distorted our mind is. (ow distorted ignorance ma*es our mind. Q&A% !o what+s been happening in your meditation this wee*% (as your truly existent $ been throwing you any temper tantrums% Wanting to assert itself and control the world% 9- $f you could spea* a little bit about this. $t is a common experience that $ have had since $ have met the :harma and maybe even before that. 1fter $ heard the teachings, the teachings every )hursday from ;hensur Rinpoche, here my mind is so inspired. $t really is, at the gut 5 heart level going, .6es./ )his resounding, .6es</ (earing the preciousness and feeling the vibe. 0ut you *now within => hours, it is gone and $ am bac* to the same old struggle with la"iness and discouragement and indifference. 0ecause in that space $ can really see how bodhisattvas can handle it. $ can really see how great practitioners can remove obstacles. (ow you can sustain and really wor* on the difficulties. )hat energy is so clear and has so much joy to it, but it is so fleeting. $t comes up again the next time $ hear a teaching. 0ut where does it go% What obstacles in my mind relate to that, or is it just something li*e :harma familiarity that happens over time% 1- ?;, so you are saying that whenever you hear a teaching, li*e once a wee*, during a retreat or a series of teachings going on, that you feel 'uite inspired, the mind is very joyful and you really see how bodhisattvas have the energy to carry on practice. 0ut within => hours all that joy, all that inspiration is gone. 6ou come bac* to where you were. !o you are as*ing what are the hindrances and what has gone

07 Winter Retreat 9

wrong% $ would start out and say how marvelous it is that for => hours you felt so inspired. )hat you felt practicing the path was really doable and achievable. 0ecause if you thin*, before you met the :harma, we never had any inclination of human potential. &ven if you hear the teaching, and you have some inspiration, and it doesn+t last forever, just having it as long as you did is actually 'uite a radical change from the usual dry state of mind, isn+t it% @ust *nowing that you can feel that way already deepens our refuge in the )hree @ewels because you *now that feeling that way is possible. 6ou have felt it. )hen the thing is just to extend the experience, deepen the experience and that happens through familiarity. Ai*e if you hear teachings often and you *now that experience of hearing the teachings, then you become familiar with the teachings and that feeling happens more and more often. When you meditate and contemplate on the teachings, you are familiari"ing yourself with them. &ven when you are doing recitations if you focus on the words you are reciting, you are familiari"ing yourself with that meaning. !o it ta*es a lot of familiari"ation. )he more we are able to focus and concentrate when we are in the process of doing that familiari"ation, the deeper the imprints are going to be put in the mind. 9- 1lthough at the time, to hold the *nowing that that is an experience that $+ve had although at the time when $ am wor*ing on the familiarity that experience may not be as manifest or hardly manifest at that time. $s to *eep building the trust that this a valid experience that you+ve had. )hat it hasn+t gone anywhere. $t is in the mind. 1- &xactly. )he experience is a valid experience. $t hasn+t gone any where, it is there in the mind. $t is a 'uestion of strengthening it and learning to concentrate on enhancing it so that it becomes bigger and bigger.

07 Winter Retreat 9

9- )hat is part of what $ thin* the retreat is. Really it has been a challenge because the experiences have been harder and $ just go in there and *eep trying to just be with whatever comes up. 0ut $ haven+t come to any semblance of that inspired experience except when the direct teachings have been given. $ am just trying to hold that as something toB 1- !ometimes the experience comes stronger in teachings because due to the connection with the teacher, something is going on at that point. )here is some blessing going on# but don+t thin* that the only the way to have that experience is by listening to teachings. 6ou only have it when you are listening to teachings because you spent all that time in the meditation hall in between teachings. 0ecause what we do sometimes, we do it even in meditation, .?h, $ had a good meditation. (ow come all my meditations can+t be li*e that% $ go all this time and li*e there is no feeling and $ want something to happen./ 0ut the thing is you have that 3good meditation4 because you have spent all that time before now familiari"ing yourself and thin*ing about it over and over and over again. What you said before about feeling that experience doesn+t go anywhere. $t+s still there. $t is li*e when you love somebody. )hat person may not be in front of you, so your attachment isn+t going ?(((((, because they aren+t there. 0ut in your mind, that feeling is there. !o it is similar in that way, it hasn+t disappeared completely. 9- )hat is very helpful because $ thin* that $ have gotten things really compartmentali"ed. )he teachings are one experience and then the practices are another# not thin*ing that they have any semblance of relationship to each other.

07 Winter Retreat 9

1- o, the teachings, the service, the meditation sessions, everything is one continuous stream that is contributing to ma*ing things develop. :on+t compartmentali"e your life. 9- $ had a 'uestion for 8eshe5la and then $ thin* he answered it but then $ reali"ed that $ had a 'uestion from that. Remember when he first started tal*ing about the solitary, autonomous self# the one that lasted forever% )he first one, the permanent, unitary, independent self. 9- 1nd in that same tal*, he spo*e about the autonomous, substantial existence. $ remember thin*ing about those things with regards to the four part analysis# and feeling li*e all are in that analysis. )he self outside of the aggregates, that is *ind of li*e the soul. !o that is li*e eternal unitary independent self. )hat is li*e the atman of the (indus and the soul of the theistic religions and it is a notion that is created through philosophy. )hat one is not innate but is comes about because we have learned it from some philosophy or psychology- that there is something separate from the body and mind that is eternally unitary independently indestructibly ,&. !o that is the grossest one. 9- )hen also when we do that meditation, $ had a little difficulty separating autonomous from substantial but $ *now that at least the substantial one is the one that $ am doing. $ am ta*ing the body apart. 1- )hen the second the one is a little bit subtler but is still pretty gross# it is the autonomous self5sufficient self. 6ou don+t have to separate out autonomous and self5sufficient, it all goes together. 1nd that one is described in two different ways. $n one way it almost sounds li*e the first one because they describe it li*e the shepherd who herds sheep# with the person being the shepherd and the aggregates being the sheep.

07 Winter Retreat 9

0ut having them separate li*e that is very similar to the eternal unitarian independent one, so there is another analogy that they give for the self5 sufficient substantially existent one or autonomous substantially existent one. 1nd that is a group of salespeople and one of them is the head salesperson. !o they are all salespeople but one of them is a little bit more important. !o in that way, there could be all the salespeople that are the various aggregates. 6ou *now- form, feeling, discrimination, compositional factors and consciousness but one of them is *ind of the boss. )hat is mental consciousness. )hat one is *ind of the boss. !ome of those schools assert that. )he non50uddhist schools assert that there is that *ind of person there, but all the 0uddhist schools say no. 9- !o when we do the four point analysis, it seems li*e that is what we are doing. 0ut then later on he says that you don+t *now which one you can identify. 1- 6es, when you call up that feeling, you+re not always sure which one it is and are not sure that we even can *now completely until after we have reali"ed emptiness which one it is. 9- )hat is what $ wondered because that is *ind of what $ wrote down. (e didn+t say succinctly that but that was the impression $ had. !o maybe this object of negation stays *ind of vague. 1- )he thing is that, if you were able to completely totally one hundred percent identify the object of negation 5 absolutely correctly, then just being able to identify it would mean that you would *now it was non5 existent. 0ecause you would *now that is what there is to be negated. !o they say you call up as best as you can, but you never actually *now, what it is fully until you have negated it. )hat is why they give analogies. When somebody falsely accuses you, when somebody rejects you, when they are not listening to you, when you have strong attachment or strong jealousy or something li*e that coming up# it is

07 Winter Retreat 9

then that there is some *ind of strong feeling of .$./ !o start out with that one, whatever it is. What you don+t want to do is say, .)here is a feeling of 3$4 that is substantially existent, independent of the aggregates./ )hen there is no feeling in that. Cnless you actually call that feeling up, and reali"e how much you- rely on that feeling# believe in that feeling# and treasure that person# do everything you possibly can to protect her and promote her and ma*e sure she is safe and ma*e sure other people respect her and love her. Cnless you reali"e how much of that feeling is there, at the center of your whole existence, then negating it is not going to be any big deal. $t is important to have that feeling there. 9- $t was interesting the way he D8eshe5laE lead the emptiness meditation with the two pictures and ta*ing all the body parts and setting them aside 3over there.4 1nd the graphic way of doing this and then how much can you really cherish a pile of body parts< 1# 1nd you can do that in terms of visuali"ing yourself outside and dissecting yourself outside. 0ut $ find that it brings more of a gut feeling, if instead of thin*ing, +)he person who loo*s li*e me on the outside,/ that $ am dissecting# but to sit here with this one and start throwing out the different parts. 1nd that this relates actually very strongly to the practice of mindfulness of the body. $n that practice you are loo*ing at the F= or FG aspects, organs and attributes of the body and just getting familiar with them. !eeing how dissecting the body is. 0ut when you do that, you can also get a sense of .there is nobody in there./ We wal* around all day with this body and we feel li*e there is somebody in there, don+t we% )here is somebody in there. ot merely designated, it is there. 0ecause if somebody punches me, they are not hitting something merely designated, they are hitting ,&. 9- )hat is so strange 5 just to thin* about. ?nce you have done that meditation and then just thin* li*e, ?; you just merely designated this.

07 Winter Retreat 9

1- 6es, then it has some *ind of impact when you see it is merely designated and it is just a bunch of rather disgusting loo*ing parts, nothing particularly glamorous. )he lungs, the ribs, the intestines are just parts. 1ll these people who loo* so good on the outside and that pay so much attention to their appearance, ma*e sure their dress is just right, they wor* out and their bodies are fantastic, but on the inside...they feel want. $ will show you the pictures of the autopsy $ went to in )hailand last year. $t is very good for that when you just imagine that they are cutting you up. )a*e out your liver and put it in the scale and weigh it and toss it away. )a*e out your stomach, put in the scale and toss it away. )a*e out your brain, chop it up, weigh it, toss it away. )hen you say, .Why am $ so attached to this thing%/ $t is li*e in 1sia sometimes when you go in the mar*ets- they will have just *illed an animal, maybe a sheep or a goat or a cow. )hey will be s*inned and hanging upside down in the mar*et, really disgusting. Well, that is basically what we are when our s*in is ta*en off. !o that really shows us how distorted our mind is. 7irst of all we thin* this body is the most beautiful thing. !econd, that it is definitely going to bring us pleasure. )hat it is valuable. )hat it is permanent and that there is a self inside there. )here is ,& inside of there. $t is just basically a bunch of hamburger. 9H- ow ta*e that point you just made 5 that understanding 5 and then relate that to the dependently existing self that does function. 1- ?;, so how do you relate that understanding to the dependently existent oneB 9H- 0ecause $ can wal* around, $ can be here but as soon as $ go homeBfor example- $ cut my hair again. $ was just growing it long, it is such a big deal and within that world that $ live at home# just to *eep

07 Winter Retreat 9

people happy because their views are so very different, that if $ have to grow my hair a little bit, it is fine. $t+s fine if $ have to grow my hair a little bit. ?ne has to loo* at their environment and say, .(ow do $ function within this%/ &ven with this idea of there is really nothing that $ love and $ am so attached to but it still functions and still exists and $ still have to participate. 1- 6es, you do participate. !o you are as*ing how does this conventional $ wor* in the world% Well, the conventional $ is just something that is merely labeled. 1ll those people that you feel are pressuring you and wanting you to be a certain way, they also are just merely labeled. )here are no people in there, ?;% 1ll their ideas are just ideas, there is no concrete idea there. )heir opinions are just opinions, there is no real opinion that is there and findable. )he thing is that when we see there is nothing findable there but there are appearances of things, how do those appearances arise% :ue to depending on other factors. )hen we have an understanding of, .?;, things exist dependently./ 0ut there is nothing solid inside them so we don+t need to ma*e them solid and ta*e them so seriously. !omebody li*es our hair, somebody doesn+t li*e our hair. $t doesn+t really matter, ?;% 9H- $t doesn+t. $ can thin* that from my side butB 1- 0ut even from their side they may thin* your hair is extremely important. 0ut that thought is just a thought in their mind. $t is just a thought in their mind. )hen you can loo* at that thought and say, .:oes that thought have an ethical value% $s it going to ma*e the world a better place%/ o, it is just a thought. Ieople have ga"illions of thoughts everyday. $f one day there is some machine that could type out our thoughts in one day, especially the thoughts of the people we are attached to and we really care what they thin* about us. $f we could read all their thoughts in one day, we would really stop caring about what they thin*. 0ecause first of all, they don+t spend that much time thin*ing

07 Winter Retreat 9

about us. !econd of all, loo* at what they are thin*ing about all day. $s there wisdom inside% )hey are *ind to other sentient beings but do they have the wisdom that leads to enlightenment% @ust ta*e our thoughts. We+re :harma practitioners. 2ould you imagine if there were a print out of everything you thought in one day% We would loo* li*e total idiots wouldn+t we% We could print out the )ara praises we+re singing at brea*fast. What about everything we are distracted about while we are reciting the prayers, .(ow come she made this again for brea*fast%/ ?r just in the DmeditationE hall we start out thin*ing and meditating on the :harma and then ga"illions of distractions come in and there they are typed out. 1nd we+re :harma practitioners. ow you see why it is so important to read the texts because at least when we read the texts there are some words there, something that has some value. 0ut then our mind spins out- .)here so many bugs in the meditation hall and there is not as many flies as last year, that is good, $ remember last year when the flies were all up in the lights and they were dying and they+d ma*e so much time. )his year we only have the stin* bugs and you *now at least the stin* bugs are getting some *ind of blessing but $ wonder how they get blessing sitting here in the meditation hall, you *now. 1m $ getting blessings sitting here in the meditation hall% ?h no, $ am just getting sore *nees. Why am $ doing this retreat anyway% $ am just idiot. $ could have been wor*ing ma*ing money and doing something useful in helping solve the problems of the world./ 2an you imagine all of that typed out% .1ll these stin* bugs. We have teachings saying that we can be reborn as a stin* bug . $ don+t *now if $ really believe it. $ remember all this time when $ was traveling around when $ was HG and there were stin* bugs there and na na na na na and so yes somebody else in the meditation hall

07 Winter Retreat 9

they always go and play with the stin* bugs. )hey are so preoccupied that nobody steps on the stin* bugs that they are constantly disturbing me by moving the stin* bugs. Why can+t they just sit there and leave those stin* bugs% @ust give them blessings without playing with them... and this is all typed out. 2an you imagine% $s anybody going to value what we thin* if they *new what goes on in our mind all day% 7orget it... so in the li*e way why do we need to be so concerned% $f somebody is saying something to us of value, li*e the :harma or something that has ethical import, sure we listen. We pay attention. 0ut if people are saying their opinions about the color of our hair, or the length of our hair, or what *ind of clothes we are wearing, or what we are doing in our life, you *now.... 9H- )here is something that we say- when in Rome do as the Romans. )here is something to be said for that because the world largely functions in this non5realistic way. )hey set all these wrong conceptions of what we are supposed to do or be. J- 1nd you can spend your whole life trying to do or be what other people want you to do or be and you are never going to succeed. 9H- )hat is the opinion to extreme. $ am saying one still has be within and one still has to listen to that concern. 1nd it is so stupid, why not just do it% J- 6es, if you want to go ahead, do it. $t doesn+t matter if you color your hair or how long it is. )hen do what ma*es you happy. 9=- 1ll of my life, my mother in particular, was always throwing out clothes that $ was wearing saying that they were rags. !he wanted me to do this and this and this. 1nd $ am doing a lot of those things now. $+m coo*ing. $+m wearing dresses. $+m not wearing weird hats. )here were all

07 Winter Retreat 9

these things that all my life she has bugged me about# that would ma*e her so happy if $ did them and $ doing them< 1nd is she happy% o. J- ,y parents for years, especially, +8et your hair out of your face already.+ $ got it out of my face, are they happy% 9=- $ see your original point and if $ don+t care either way about the issue then because it is easier for them $4ll do it, so $ can agree with that. 0ut at the same time, they are never going to be happy. )hese things you are trying to do, that you+re going to try to change your life, in ways. )hey aren+t going to ma*e them happy. )hey may thin* it will, but it will not ma*e them happy if $ ma*e these changes. $t gets to the point where you are choosing between things you really want to do in your life and the pressure that you get from this other person. $ thin* it is important to try to hear them and accommodate them if you are changing what is really important to you but it doesn+t always go that way. 9H- o, but my hair isn+t so it is one less thing that $ have to hear.

9=- )otally. $ end up doing that too. 2ome on, who cares. 0ut sometimes there are things that really do matter and it is the same energy, it is the same thing and it is just as useless. J- ?r what you could do is try an experiment. $f you really feel that their concerns are so important and you have to live in a world with their concerns, try and please them. )hen do everything that they want you to do. :o everything that they want you to do for a year and see how you feel at the end of the year. 9H- $+m not saying do everything, $ am saying it is very different living here and living out there. $t is totally different because people have totally different views. !o there has to be a balance without compromising whatB.. there has to be a balance there.

07 Winter Retreat 9

J- $ agree with you. What $ have found is the thing that spea*s loudest when $ am in non5:harma environments is just being *ind. )hat+s the thing that people pic* up on. 0ut in any case, something that helps me when $ get stuc* in this *ind of thing, is to thin* that these are basically concerns of just this life, and the things of this life, of just this year and of just a few people and they are valuable and $ have to function within them. 0ut if $ remember to place them within the whole big picture ofthis is samsara, with incredible amount of suffering in it, for so many other sentient beings, then yes, what is going on, what $ *new, what my clothes areB. $t is important but put it in perspective with what is going on with all sentient beings. $ find that 'uite helpful. 0ut it is something that you will have to figure out for yourself, nobody is going to be able to answer the 'uestion for you. We can discuss it and tal* about it but it is something that everybody has to answer for themselves in their own heart. 0ecause we all have our own uni'ue situations, we have our own uni'ue families, we have our own uni'ue pressures upon us and nobody else can tell us how to run our lives. )hey can just give us tips about how you can possibly loo* at it and then we have to play around with that and figure it out for ourselves. &ven though it is sometimes very uncomfortable and we wish the whole thing would all go away. 9- $ have a 'uestion in a completely different vein. $ have had an experience a wee* or two ago that made me start thin*ing about this. $ am wondering if within us we have this very very subtle mind that we are completely unaware of. 1nd is that what becomes the omniscient mind% $f you are just removing the defilements and obscurations and things that are just clouding it, is it actually remembering everything from all of our lives% J- ?;, so you are tal*ing about the extremely subtle mind. 1ccording to tantra that is an extremely subtle form of mind that continues from life to life# even though it is empty of inherent existence and impermanent and

07 Winter Retreat 9

not a self. )his mind eventually becomes a buddha or transforms into the wisdom dharma*aya of a buddha. )hat is one aspect of a buddha. $n addition, you have the form body of the buddha, you have the nature body of the buddha, but it transforms into the omniscient mind of the buddha. !o when we tal* about memory, memory has to do with latencies and imprints and things li*e that. !o when you as*, what is it that carries the latencies either *armic latencies or memories or things li*e that% What carries it% )hey say that it is basically just the merely labeled .$/ that is the long term thing that carries it from one life to another onto enlightenment. $n the short term, it can be whatever consciousness is manifested at any particular moment. !o those latencies can somehow be associated with whatever consciousness is manifested in that moment. 0ut that is just the temporary basis because while we are alive we have a gross consciousness. When we go to sleep, the consciousness is a little bit subtler. When we dream, it is between a wa*ing state and a deep sleep state. When we die, it is more subtle than the deep sleep state. !o we have all these minds and levels of mind. !o any of them can be the temporary basis that carries the latencies but when we tal* long term, we say it is just the .mere $/ Dwhich is nowhere at all that we have found.E !o that is what carries the latencies. 9- !o when the 0uddha tal*s about all his former lives, seeing how things came into being and how everyone created *armaB. this is all from that place% J- When we hear about the 0uddha according to the Iali canon, on the eve of his enlightenment, the first reali"ation he gained was an awareness of all his previous lives. (ow did he do that% $ really can+t say because $ haven+t done it. $ did hear that when people have the jhanas, the deep meditative absorptions, when you get to the fourth jhana, when your mind is able to be in the fourth jhana when you want to remember previous lives you come out of the fourth jhana because when you are within the jhana you can+t do any analysis, your mind is just total single

07 Winter Retreat 9

pointed. !o you come out of it but of course your mind is still inspired by all of that and then you start recalling what happened yesterday and the day before and the day before and then you continue bac*. )here gets to be a certain point in this life where it gets more difficult or maybe you get to the point of conception and then you really have to push through and brea* through that to remember previous lives. !o it could be just that process of when the mind is very peaceful and calm and unclouded then things just surface when you ma*e the effort to loo* for them. 1n analogy could be when you are doing retreat here, even though we have very gross minds, no jhana or anything, but are you remembering things from years ago that you haven+t even thought about% When you+re mind gets 'uiet, this stuff just comes up and it is li*e, huh% Where did that come from% 9- 8reat clarity J- 6es and you haven+t thought about it for many years. 9- ot even trying to. J- 6es. 9- $ have *ind of a related 'uestion. $ have read that in some boo*s anyway that there is a belief that there is a very subtle body in the bardo. J- )here is a bardo body, yes. 9- Well then that is *ind of li*e predestination% J- o, what happens at the time of death, the gross sense consciousnesses are losing energy because the body is losing energy and unable to support them. )he mind is getting subtler and subtler and subtler until it gets to this extremely subtle mind which is of the same

07 Winter Retreat 9

nature as an extremely subtle wind. When that combination of extremely subtle mind and wind leaves this gross body, which is the actual time of death, then according to the *arma that was ripening before the mind got so subtle, some of that *arma starts to ripen. $t pushes us to see a certain *ind of rebirth as something attractive so that when the extremely subtle mind and wind leaves this body, it gets a little bit grosser. When the wind gets a little bit grosser and the mind is a little bit grosser that is the intermediate state that )ibetans call bardo. 6ou ta*e the bardo body that resembles what your future life is going to be. 9- !o it isn+t the way we loo* now. J- o, as soon as we leave this body, this life is finished, gone, and the *arma is ripening for the next body. !o the bardo body resembles the future life. 9- )hen some traditions say you loo* for a certain light, go to the clear light. !o even though you have a body you are still loo*ing for that, see what $ mean% J- )here lots of different traditions that say different things. $ thin* what is most valuable is whatever you are experiencing during the time of death and in the intermediate states, is to recogni"e that it just an appearance, it is not an inherently existent thing. )hat is important. 1nd what ever appearance comes to you as you are dying or in the bardo, to react to it with compassion. !o $ thin* because that is what actually changes your mind because that+s compassion and wisdom. )hey tal* about loo*ing for the light or 1mitaba coming and getting you. $ don+t thin* it is really that 1mitaba is going to appear there in )echnicolor and say +2ome on, hop in the taxi, we are going to the Iure Aand, hurry up<+ 0ut they tal* in those terms as if 1mitaba is going to come and get you. ,y personal opinion is that what is really happening is our mind becomes, through our meditation and our remembering emptiness and

07 Winter Retreat 9

compassion, our mind becomes capable of rebirth in a Iure Aand because that is how people thin* in a Iure Aand. ?r if you die and you are thin*ing of 1mitaba+s great 'ualities and the wonderful 'ualities of the 0uddha and you are ta*ing Refuge, that is going to steer your mind towards a rebirth in a Iure Aand perhaps or maybe a precious human life or something li*e that. !o $ thin* it is not that we are focusing on some external color or light but it is more what our internal state of mind is. 9- 1nd that the KKK%KKKLnot transcribedM, that is dependent on all these grosser things, it can still exist but most of the basis is that it is designated upon is gone. J- Right, so the .mere $/ continues from life to life but the basis it was designated on is something totally different. What $ find very helpful is thin* of Aondon because it has existed for a long time. What was Aondon li*e in the >th century, the Nth century, the Gth century% $s anything that is Aondon, $ don+t *now even when Aondon started it is probably that old, huh% 0ut whatever was there then, is any of that there now% o, everything that was there is now totally different. one of the same people are alive, none of the same buildings are there, yet the name Aondon continues doesn+t it% !o the name continues but what the basis of that name is has changed how many different times throughout the centuries% !o in the same way the .mere $/ continues from life to life but whatever gross aggregates there are in each life, those are the gross aggregates of that life that cease at the end of that life. 9- 1nd so when the .mere $/ is basically designated by the subtle mind and subtle wind% J- o it is just designated. 6ou don+t need to *now what consciousness designates the $. ?r whose consciousness designates it# because it doesn+t always have to be a thought $. Ai*e when you are in deep sleep, you are not thin*ing $, but you still exist.

07 Winter Retreat 9

9- !o you could call it a continuity also% J- 2all what the continuity% 9- 6our $% J- 6ou could say that the .mere $/ continues or the continuity of the .mere $/ but the .mere $/ is just the label, just the concept. 9- When you were tal*ing about ;hensur Rinpoche+s teaching of the .general $/ and the .specific $/B. J- )here are both- the .general $/ that covers all the lives, and the .specific $/ of each life O both of them are merely labeled. !o the .specific $/ of this life is 2hodron. 1t the time of death 2hodron is gone, finished, nonexistent but the .mere $/ continues. 0ecause there is a continuation of aggregates. L% !hould read 3because there is no continuity of the aggregrates%%M 1nd the .specific $/ of the next life is completely different. When we thin* about it, it gives you a bigger space, a bigger sense. We always thin* of ourselves as having a certain *ind of personality. We could be born next life with a totally different personality. 9- L8oing bac* to the earlier discussionM )he answer to the 'uestion was both- it was more how you relate that bigger perspective to this moment to moment thing that we actually experience. J- $ thin* you *eep that big perspective in mind and what is important in the big perspective- compassion, bodhicitta, ethical discipline, wisdom. $n the moment to moment thing, how can $ bring compassion, wisdom, bodhicitta, ethical conduct into the moment to moment stuff because what is important.

07 Winter Retreat 9

9- $t is difficult to *now what to translate into actions. J- Right and that is where your meditation is so important. 0ecause it is not clear instantaneously to the mind of how does ethical discipline translate into action, or how does compassion translate into action. 1nd we hear the word compassion and we have some idea what it is# but we don+t really understand it completely and how to put it into practice. !ometimes we haveB Aama 6eshe used to call it- ma*ing +mass compassion+. $ remember we did a s*it one time about ,ic*ey ,ouse compassion. !o this is why we practice the :harma. 1nd this is the *ind of stuff that we contemplate in our meditation. ?;, $ have some idea of compassion. :oes it mean this% :oes it mean that% What does it loo* li*e when $ put it into practice% $ don+t *now% Well, what are some of the stories li*e in the scriptures that they tell of how the 0uddha acted in previous lives. (ow does my teacher act% (ow do other holy beings act% (ow do they display compassion in their lives% )hat can sometimes give you some idea about what it could loo* li*e in your life. ?ften when $ read the @ati*a tales, or $ loo* at what some of my teachers do- it+s li*e whoa, that+s compassion. $ don+t *now if $ can really do that. $+m not there yet, so $ am not totally compassionate li*e them. Aet+s just ta*e off a little chun* of that compassion and $ will try and practice that much. $n that way slowly build upon it. ?r ethical conduct, sometimes ethical conduct is a bit easier because the 0uddha was 'uite specific. 6ou have the list of the ten non5virtues, you have your precepts, the lay precepts, the bodhisattva precepts. )hose things can really give a lot of structure- and how do $ act with ethical conduct in this situation% 0odhisattva vows help us- how do $ act with compassion in this situation% )hese things can be 'uite helpful but they don+t become instantaneously clear. We spend years and years rolling around in this trying to gain clarity.

07 Winter Retreat 9

9- 2ompassion isn+t always LgentleM. 2ompassion sometimes can be really firm or hard. !o is not li*e it is one action# ethical conduct Ltoo.M !o it seems unclear, it depends on the situation. $andala &''ering( Teaching% The Essence of Refined Gold Te)t% Some people think that a teacher should be revered only if he or she has many obvious qualities. They say, I go to him to hear his words on Dharma, not to see him, and I can see no great traits in him, so there is no need for reverence. !hat fools" #or instance, even if your parents have no good qualities, you should appreciate their kindness, for, by doing so great benefits arise, whereas by not appreciating them only pain and confusion result. The same holds true of your attitude toward your spiritual mentor. !o what this is tal*ing about is we have high regard for our spiritual mentor not because they are charismatic, not because there is alot of hullabaloo going on and there is a big show, and they are very articulate, and they sit on a high throne, and they spar*le and glitter. ot for that. 0ut by loo*ing at the role that our spiritual mentors play in our lives and by loo*ing at their 'ualities then having a sense of gratitude and a sense of respect and faith. Why do we cultivate those attitudes towards our spiritual mentor% 0ecause we are the ones that benefit when we do. $ will get into it later on, and @e Rinpoche tal*ed a lot about this in the 8reat )reatise on the !tages of the Iath, about the importance of not seeing faults in our teacher or not dwelling on the faults and the importance of seeing their good 'ualities. )he whole reason why this is done is not because our teachers need reverence. We don+t do it in order to win their good graces and please them so that they li*e us and they give us chocolate. We do it because we are the ones that benefit. !o it ta*es some contemplation in our meditation to see how do we benefit from having a good attitude towards our spiritual mentors# and how do

07 Winter Retreat 9

we loose out when we have a bad attitude towards them. !o he is using the analogy here of our parents. o matter how your parents treat you, the bottom line is, they gave us this life. )hey gave us this life that we can use for the :harma. )hat is tremendous *indness on the part of our parents because just them giving us this body, whether they li*e :harma or don+t li*e :harma they have given us the ability to able to practice because we have a human mind inside this human body. !o just that alone- we can be grateful to our parents for. $f we spend our whole life just loo*ing at our parents with a critical mind- they did this, they did that, they didn+t do this, they didn+t do that, they mistreated me this way, they were abusive that way, the family this...1ll of that, the information maybe true, but by loo*ing at it with a negative attitude, what happens to our own mind% We are miserable aren+t we% !o it is li*e $ spo*e about last time- a pic*poc*et sees poc*ets. !o if we spend our time reiterating all of somebodys4 faults, then it is very easy to go from just seeing those faults to being angry, being resentful, being depressed, being aggressive. What does that do to our own mind% $s our mind happy% o. $s it in a virtuous state% o. !o all those facts may be true, but when we remember them and then our negative mind reacts to them, then we are the ones who lose out. $f we are able to loo*, even start with our parents and see what they did do.Wow, they gave me this life, incredible< )hey taught me how to spea*. )hey *eep me from *illing myself when $ was an infant when $ couldn+t ta*e care of myself./ 6ou *now all these things that we just ta*e for granted. $f we train our mind to see those things, then our mind becomes full of gratitude towards our parents. ?ur mind feels uplifted. ?;, there were some things that went on that weren+t so good, but they are not so important because, .Wow, loo* at everything that they did do for me./ ow you might say, .$sn+t that imbalanced, shouldn+t you see the whole

07 Winter Retreat 9

picture%/ Well, if you say that then loo* at somebody you are very attached to, somebody that you love deeply. 6ou *now how we say, .$ love you/ meaning, $ am attached to you. 1re you seeing that person accurately% )hey have faults. 1re you seeing their faults% o. 6ou might recogni"e that they have a few faults but you completely ignore those faults because you are painting over this wonderful, spectacular person that you are madly in love with. $t is all 'uite similar. !o then, when we loo* at our spiritual mentor, if we train our mind to see our teacher+s good 'ualities, what happens to our mind% We start to feel 'uite inspired don+t we% &ven if we see 'ualities in our teachers that we can4t do# and we feel,/(ow am $ ever going to do that%/ ?ne of my teachers stays up all night and doesn+t sleep# and it is li*e, .?h./ 0ut $ shouldn+t put that 'uality down just because $ can+t do it. $t is li*e, .Wow< (ow fantastic, so much bodhicitta, the none sleeping and spending the whole night benefiting sentient beings. $ can+t do it but fantastic that somebody can</ 1nd then you thin* of their good 'ualities, or you thin* of who they benefit, or how they handle situations, or what they went through to develop their practice. When you thin* of all of that, then your mind feels really joyful and you feel a very close connection with your spiritual teachers. When you feel that close connection, then you don+t feel lonely out there and misunderstood. 6ou feel li*e somebody really understands the most important part of you, your spiritual yearning. 1nd somebody is doing with their life what you want to do with life even if you are not capable of doing that yet. !o you feel 'uite inspired and your mind is very joyful. $f you focus on your teacher+s faults- they burp, they fart, they don+t do their dishes, they ma*e a mess in the *itchen and they don+t clean up, they tal* when it is supposed to be silent time, they scold somebody who is acting obnoxious, they don+t scold someone who is not acting obnoxious, not me because $ never act obnoxious. Whenever my teacher scolds me it is li*e when you were a *id, whenever your parents scolded

07 Winter Retreat 9

you, .Why are they scolding me% $t is my brother+s fault, my sister+s fault, $ didn+t do anything./ $t is the same thing when your teacher scolds you, .What did $ do wrong% 6ou don+t understand me./ 1nd so we thin* negatively, .)his fault, that fault, they don+t appreciate everything./ 1nd, .$ wor* so hard for my teacher# $ sacrifice my whole life to serve my teacher. :o they ever say than* you% o. What gratitude. ,y goodness, my teacher has absolutely no manners, no gratitude, no appreciation for everything $ do to show them that $ am a conscience, diligent, earnest disciple./ 6ou spend your time thin*ing li*e that, where does that get you% What is your mind li*e when you dwell on that% 6ou are totally bummed out, H00P bummed out. :o you feel li*e practicing% o. :o you feel li*e being nice to anybody else% o. :o you want to *eep your precepts% o. 6ou don+t want to do anything except complain- morning, noon, night and in your dreams. Why waste anytime% 2omplain while you are dreaming. !o see, when we let our mind get into that state where all we see is faults, who is it that loses out% We do. $ have even seen it where some teachers haven+t acted properly. )hey embe""led money or they lied, really unethical. $+m not just tal*ing about staying up all night or scolding somebody but major unethical things. 6ou might have to ac*nowledge those# but if you stay and dwell on them what $ have seen happen is that people focused so much on that that they started to lose faith in the :harma, .)his teacher taught me this practice. )his teacher is unethical. Why should $ do the practice that they taught me%/ 1nd $ had to say, .Aoo*, the :harma is perfect, the :harma is pure. )hat person is having their own problems. 0ut the :harma itself, if you learn it properly and practice it properly you could develop good 'ualities yourself. !o don+t give up on the :harma because of the behavior of somebody else who was called a teacher but whose practice was not

07 Winter Retreat 9

going very well./ !o even in those situations if the teacher is doing horrible things, you might have to notice it, create some distance from them. 0ut you don+t want to let your mind get in this totally negative state# because then what you wind up doing is wanting to give up on the :harma. 1nd who loses out when we give up on the :harma% We do. !o this is why it is so important to catch our mind when it starts on its litany of, .)hey did this and they did that and on and on./ 0ecause all we are doing is harming our self and digging a hole for our own :harma practice. ?ur mind gets so negative we don+t want to practice# we don+t want to do anything. )hat is not at all a helpful state of mind. !o that is why it is emphasi"ed. )hat is why they say we are the one who benefits by seeing our teachers in positive lights. We can see that actually pertains not only to our teacher but to anybody. Whoever we are dealing with- if we can see their good 'ualities then we will find something to appreciate in them. We will find someway to connect and communicate with them. Whereas if just have our thing of they did this and they did that...then we are creating the distance between us and them by the way we are loo*ing at them. !o the )hird :alai Aama continues$ou feel that someone who gives you a little wealth is very kind, but the spiritual mentor can give you every goodness of this and future lives. If you contemplate deeply, it becomes obvious that all stages of development% from that of a lay follower to those of the bodhisattva and &uddha% depend completely upon pleasing the spiritual mentor. There are many e'amples of people who have attained full enlightenment in one short lifetime by correctly devoting themselves to a master, and if you please your teacher with the offerings of possessions, service, and intensive practice, there is no reason why you cannot do the

07 Winter Retreat 9

same. Thus the importance of correctly relying upon on an all(kind spiritual mentor cannot be over(emphasi)ed. *eeting with and being cared for in this and future lives by a spiritual mentor with whom you have a Dharma relationship is purely your responsibility, so serve your spiritual mentor well. )here is a lot in this paragraph. !o we feel that somebody who gives us a little bit of wealth is very *ind. !omebody gives us QH00, wow, so *ind. )hey give us QH,000, they are even *inder. )hey give us QN,000, wow, how wonderful< )hey give us QH0,000, unbelievable< )hey give us a million, how can $ ever repay the *indness, they gave me a million dollars% What the )hird :alai Aama is saying is, .)hat+s nothing./ 0ecause a million dollars doesn+t come with you when you die. 1 million dollars can also give you a lot of headaches in this life. 6ou can do a lot of good with it, but you can also have a lot of headaches because you have to ta*e care of it. 0ut the spiritual master can give you every goodness of this and future lives. (ow does the spiritual master give us every goodness of this and future lives% 0y teaching us the :harma. 0ecause when we put into practice, do what they teach us, our mind is transformed. When we transform our minds then even in this life we are happy. We are creating goodness, positive *arma which will be the cause for future lives happiness which will pave the way for gaining all the :harma reali"ations until full enlightenment. 1ll of that comes due to our spiritual master teaching us the :harma. !o we may thin* the person who gives us a million dollars is *ind, they are but nothing compared to our spiritual teachers. We may thin* our best friend, our lover, the person who loves us, who promises never to desert us no matter what is the most *ind person. 2an they lead us to enlightenment% o. $n fact sometimes they are going to desert us, they are going to die. )hey can+t prevent that, we can+t prevent that. 0ut if we ma*e a good relationship with 'ualified spiritual teachers, that continues on into future lives. 1nd that is why it is so important to

07 Winter Retreat 9

choose our teachers well and ma*e strong dedication prayers continually to meet with 'ualified teachers. ot just to meet with them, but to recogni"e them and practice under their guidance. 0ecause otherwise we might met a lot of 'ualified teachers but we are too busy with something else. !o if you contemplate the roles that our spiritual mentors provide in our life, it is as if the 0uddha was there teaching us. 0ecause what is our spiritual mentor teaching us% )he 0uddha+s teachings. $f the 0uddha were here in person, would the 0uddha teach anything different from what our spiritual master is teaching us% $f our spiritual master is actually teaching the 0uddha+s teachings, that is what the 0uddha would be teaching us. !o from that point of view we can see that they are to be held in high esteem. !o then the second sentence says if you contemplate deeply it becomes obvious that all stages of development completely depend upon pleasing the spiritual mentor. ?;, so here is this thing about pleasing the spiritual mentor, $ tal*ed about that before didn+t $% !o remember- pleasing the spiritual mentor means maintaining a positive attitude on our part and putting the teachings into practice. )hat is the meaning of pleasing the spiritual mentor. $t doesn+t mean being +goody5two5shoes+. )hen he D)he )hird :alai AamaE says there are many examples of people who have attained full enlightenment in dependence on pleasing their teacher and correctly devoting themselves to a master, so please your teacher with the offerings of possessions, service and intensive practice. $f you do, then you can do the same Lie, attain full enlightenmentM. *o+ to Rely on a S,iritual $entor Through &ne-s Actions% ./0 1y o''ering ,ossessions% !o when we tal* about the offerings of possessions, service and intensive practice, that is tal*ing about how we rely on a spiritual teacher in terms of our actions. 0efore when we were tal*ing about developing faith, respect and gratitude, that is how we rely on them in terms of our thought. 0ut by offering possessions and service and practice, that is

07 Winter Retreat 9

how we actually do it. !o the easiest thing to offer at the beginning very often is possessions. !o that is why we ma*e offerings of money, we ma*e offerings of material possessions, food, clothing, whatever things that our teacher could use to be able to sustain their lives and to sustain the virtuous practices and the virtuous projects they are doing. !o it is good to ta*e the opportunity to ma*e an offering of some possession. $t doesn+t mean we have to offer tons or ga"illions of dollars and give away our whole ban* account. )hat is not the point. )he point is having an awareness of how much we benefit from receiving teachings from the person and what a strong object for creating *arma this person is for us. 0ecause they represent the 0uddha for us so ma*ing offers towards them is very strong *arma. 8etting mad at them is also very strong *arma. !o if there is some opportunity even to ma*e a small offering then to ta*e that opportunity because we create so much positive *arma. 1nd if you really thin* in a *armic way, we might give our teacher QH0 or QH00 or QN00 or a new computer or a rose. $t doesn+t matter. 0ecause we are practicing generosity and they are a very strong object with which we create *arma. )hen we can create a lot of positive potential- when we have a mind of respect and appreciation and we thin*, .$+m ma*ing this offering for the benefit of sentient beings./ 1nd then you see, .Wow< $+m getting all this tremendous amount of positive potential and my teacher is getting lunch. $ am getting oceans of positive potential which is so valuable and my teacher is getting QH,000./ )hen you see what you are giving your teacher, what you are offering your teacher is nothing compared to what you are getting from ma*ing the offering. !o ta*e that opportunity to do that. !omething $ did when $ was a baby nun and actually even before $ became a nunB. and loo*ing bac* on it now it is li*e- somehow $ just did that% $ am not sure but $ loo* bac* now and $ am really glad $ did. !ome of my teachers whom $ was studying with daily, very often $

07 Winter Retreat 9

would just bring something in each day. $n $ndia they have these bananas that are three inches long. $ was bro*e, $ didn+t have anything. $ would bring in one banana or a tangerine or F coo*ies. 0ut $ tried to ma*e it a habit to just to give some small thing and $ loo* bac* on it now and $ go, .Wow< (ow did $ *now to do that%/ 0ecause just even that process, each day cultivating the motivation, thin*ing of the *indness, even though the object was something very little, loo*ing bac* on it now, .?h, $ did something good./ Rather miraculous. . 0 1y o''ering service% )he second one is offering service. )his is *ind of a notch up. 0ecause for some people it is much easier to give a possession, and then you do what you want to do with your time and your life. ?ffering service is a little bit more, or a commitment in terms of ma*ing that connection and a strong offering with your teacher because it involves offering your time and your energy and your life energy. $nstead of going to the movies, you are going to offer service to your teacher. $nstead of lying down and going to sleep, or going to beach, or going to the bar, or sitting down with a novel, you can offer service. !o it is your time, something very precious to us. $t is our energy. 1nd we are putting ourselves on the line a little bit more because when we offer service there is the chance that we ma*e a mista*e. 1nd then you thin*, .)hey+re going to see my mista*e and $+m not going to do it right./ !o it is a thing of getting over that fear. 1nd again if we see that what our teachers are doing and how they are using their energy then offering service to them- we can be assured that we are doing something useful. 0ecause if we have really good teachers and we are offering service for their virtuous projects, then definitely we are doing something meritorious. $f we are serving them food, washing their clothes, or cleaning their room, or whatever it is- then we are helping to sustain their life and they can be of benefit to others. $f you thin* li*e bodhisattvas, they tal* about @e Rinpoche, .&ven when you breath in and out, benefits sentient beings./

07 Winter Retreat 9

!o here is somebody just whose breathing benefits sentient beings because they have the bodhicitta. 0ecause they are *eeping their life alive by breathing# doing ta*ing and giving meditation as they are breathing. $f you offer service to somebody li*e that, wash their clothes, you sweep their floor, it is incredible the *ind of good *arma we create and the depth of the connection that we ma*e. Ilus, when you offer service you learn :harma in a way that you never learn it by reading boo*s or in a formal teaching situation. When you offer service then you really see how this person practices :harma in daily life situations. 1nd you are right there and you see it. $t can be very inspiring and sometimes be very pu""ling. 0ut it then it becomes li*e a *oan. Why did they do that% What does that mean% $ remember one time very clearly, it was +7G or +77, a long time ago. $t was at ;opan. 1nd you *now that in epal at all the monasteries, at everything, the first thing you build is a fence around your piece of land. ;opan had a bric* wall around its piece of land. )hey were out there putting pieces of bro*en glass, cementing it on top of the bric* wall. Aama 6eshe was out there with the mon*s putting these bro*en pieces of glass on top of the bric* wall which was maybe eight feet tall. 1nd $ saw him doing that and $ thought, .Why is he putting glass on the top of the wall% We are 0uddhists, we should be welcoming everybody. 1re they doing that to *eep out the villagers because they are afraid they will steal% We 0uddhists, we should be giving things away, we shouldn+t be so possessive./ !o my mind got a little bit judgmental, .Why is Aama doing this% 8lass is going to hurt somebody. Why not just build the wall higher%/ !o that has always stayed with me. $ was so pu""led. (ow can someone with Aama+s incredible, such a magnificent teacher, and his compassion was very clear. (ow can he do something li*e this% $t too* me a long time to figure out that he was preventing the villagers from creating the negative *arma of stealing from the sangha. (e was helping to preserve and protect the re'uisites of the sangha so the people who were there, the young mon*s, could continue to practice and learn the

07 Winter Retreat 9

:harma and train in bodhicitta. $t too* me a long time to figure that that was why he was doing that. 0ut if $ hadn+t been offering service, $ would not have seen that. $ would not have had that opportunity to have what for many years was a *oan and was actually 'uite a profound teaching for me. 9- Why didn+t you as* Aama about this at the time% J- o, he was up on a ladder, totally involved in putting this glass on the wall. $ didn+t want to distract him while he was doing that. !o when you offer service, when you are right there, then you really see how people ma*e decisions, how they do things. $t is 'uite important because you can learn so much through observing. $t always astounds me how some people feel li*e they don+t want to be near their teacher. $t is so high energy. 1nd $ always wanted to be near my teachers and $ was always upset because $ couldn+t be as near to them as $ wanted to be. )hen when $ meet other people and try to ma*e opportunities for them to be near teachers and they say, . o/ $ am so shoc*ed and astounded because this is the opportunity that $ would have died for. 0ut people+s minds are really different, .?h, well, that is too much pressure./ $t is very interesting how people see things. .20 1y o''ering our ,ractice% )hen the third offering is offering our practice. )hat is the best *ind of offering. )hat is the offering of not just doing the sitting meditation but actually transforming our mind so our behavior changes. !o actually, if we are doing the offering of intensive practice then to some extent or another we will automatically be ma*ing offerings of possessions and service. $n the Aama 2hopa after we do the mandala offering there is one verse that is the offering of practice where we imagine all the reali"ations as the trees with flowers and the fruits on them the five paths and the three higher trainings. !o we thin* of developing the three

07 Winter Retreat 9

higher trainings in our mind, developing the six far reaching practices, developing the five paths and offering those. $n that particular verse you are imaging a beautiful environment and offering it# but that is not necessary, it could just be- .$ spent my day wor*ing on my own mind and $ offer that./ 1nd that is the offering that pleases our teachers the most because that+s the whole thing that they are teaching us for, is so that we+ll transform our mind. !o if we hear live teachings but we don+t try and practice them, then we might flit around our teacher and offer lots of money and compete with all the other disciples for who is going to bring them tea, but how much virtue are we actually creating% We really want to try and offer our practice as well. $t says that the importance of correctly relying upon an all5*ind spiritual mentor cannot be overemphasi"ed. $t is really important. )he term here+relying upon a spiritual mentor+ this is what the actual )ibetan term sheng(ling tempa should be translated as. !ometimes it is translated as guru devotion. )hat is an incorrect translation which gives wrong understanding actually# for we want to create- how to rely on a spiritual mentor so that we obtain benefit from the relationship, so we can progress along the path. ?f course having respect, faith and appreciation and gratitude is part of it, but not this thing of, .)here is the great guru in the s*y and $ am this little ant and $ am surrendering,/ becoming *ind of li*e an idiot. ?r running around, .?h, $ have got to do this for my teacher< ?h, $ have got to sweep this room< ?h, you have to cut the apple this way, the teacher doesn+t not li*e the apple cut that way. :on+t do it that way, you idiot< 2ut the apple this way because we have to please our teacher./ $t is not doing any of that stuff. *eeting with and being cared for in this and future lives by a spiritual mentor with whom you have a Dharma relationship is purely your responsibility, so serve your spiritual mentor well. $ thin* this sentence is incredibly important because we want to meet with a 'ualified spiritual mentor in this life 1 : future lives. We have

07 Winter Retreat 9

to really prepare for future lives- all our future lives from now until enlightenment. We have to plant those seeds for meeting a good teacher now. 0ecause if in a future life we meet a bad teacher, then remember @im @ones who had all of those disciplines ta*e poison% 6ou meet some really weirdo teacher, you can+t ma*e any progress on the path if you have faith in that *ind of teacher. !o that is why in this life we really have to create the *arma to meet that very good teacher in future lives# with whom you have a :harma relationship. )here might be a very excellent spiritual teacher but maybe you don+t have a :harma relationship% !o we have to create that :harma relationship and doing that is our own responsibility. $t is not our teacher+s responsibility to call us up on the phone and say, .6ou haven+t been to :harma class for so long. 1re you feeling ?;% (ow is everything in your life%/ $t is not our teacher+s responsibility to call us and say, .Ilease come for tea. $ am missing you. 6ou are one of my most excellent students./ $t is not our :harma teacher+s responsibility to say, .Would you li*e to learn such and such a practice%/ We are responsible for creating the relationship. $t can be as close as we want it to be, or it can be as distant as we want it to be. 0eing around our teachers all the time does not necessarily mean we have a close relationship. 0e physically separate does not mean we have a distant relationship. 0ecause the closeness and the distance depends on what is going on in our own heart. )hat is what ma*es us close or far away from our teacher. )hat is our responsibility. !o developing the faith and connection and gratitude and appreciationthat is up to us to develop. $t is up to us to re'uest our teachers for teachings. $t is up to us to re'uest and not just go in there and say, .6eah, how are you doing today% 6eah, um, $ would really li*e to ta*e initiation. 2an you give me initiation next Wednesday%/ ?r, .$+ve been thin*ing about ordaining can you arrange an ordination ceremony for me%/ )hat is not how we re'uest our teacher. When you really really

07 Winter Retreat 9

appreciate the role that your teacher plays in your life- you prepare properly, and you go in with an offering, and you ma*e three prostrations, and you *neel down, and you respectfully ma*e the offering, and you sit lower than your teacher, and you explain from a really dedicated heart what you are feeling. !ometimes with our teachers, we have certain teachers who we are more informal with. 0ut on certain things there is a place to be 'uite formal with them on certain occasions. 0ut all this thing of how we build the relationship is up to us. $t is not up to our teacher to come and hold our hand, .(i, dear. 6ou are so wonderful. $+ve been missing you in :harma class. Why don+t you come more often% 6ou are really one of the most intelligent, creative, highly respectable students in the whole group. 6ou should really try to ma*e a little more effort. 2ome to my house and $ will give you dinner./ )his is not up to our teacher to do, ?;% $t is up to us to create the relationship. 6ou may have noticed $ go every year to $ndia# this is why $ go every year to $ndia. ,y teachers aren+t going to come here. ?nce in a while some of my teachers will come here. We+ve been incredibly fortunate# several of my teachers have come here. 0ut $+ve got to go to them and if $ have to travel halfway around the world, $ do it. We have got to see what is important in our life and to *now we+re responsible for creating those relationships- for *eeping them strong in our own hearts# because $ don+t see my own teachers so often. )here was a time when $ saw them every day# $ was living with my teachers. 0ut in my heart my teachers are there all the time. $t doesn+t matter whether $+m close or distant. )his is the value of doing the guru yoga practice. 6ou are doing the guru yoga when you are doing 2henre"ig. 6ou+re thin*ing of 2henre"ig as the nature of your teacher. )hen there is always that connection. 1s you build your own bodhicitta and wisdom, then your mind gets closer to your teacher, you build that connection.

07 Winter Retreat 9

$ remember Aama 6eshe one time saying, he was tal*ing about this, .!ometimes the people who don+t see their teachers very often are very close to their teachers and the teachers *eep around them the people who are most desperately in need of help./ 1nd that was one thing where $ felt a little bit relieved. $ remember there was this one man who $ really didn+t li*e and he always always got to be around Aama and $ never got to be. !o then $ got a little bit arrogant. (e is such a disaster that is why Aama *eeps him close. 1nd $ am so good, that is why $ am notconceited mind. !o let4s sit 'uietly.....