Allie Pearson March 23, 2013 Reflection Paper: Facilitative Leadership and Crucial Conversations I have always thought

of myself as a leader. However, in my understanding of being a leader, it was more of a take charge and do leadership attitude as opposed to a facilitation of leadership attitude. After going through the Facilitative Leadership training, I immediately began trying to figure out how I would work this into my leadership style. I was very fortunate in that shortly after the Facilitative Leadership training a new semester was beginning for me and I was going to have a new group of students. I immediately worked Facilitative Leadership into my lessons, from using agendas, proposals, and consensus, to alternating markers on flip charts. However, I wanted to take it further, I needed to do more so I began to think about the Seven Practices of Facilitative Leadership. I started with Share an Inspiring Vision. In creating my syllabus for the semester, I wanted to make sure I communicated my vision for success with my students. I also wanted to make sure that they new what I expected of them and they could agree to the vision. When I introduced my vision to the students, I asked if anyone disagreed with the vision or felt the need to add anything. After we discussed what was now the classroom vision, everyone was on the same page. Once we determined the Shared Vision of the classroom, I also discussed with them what our classroom atmosphere was going to look and feel like. I remained focus on Results, Process, and Relationships. I knew that my students needed to understand what we were there to do: To learn and grow. I knew that my students

needed to understand the process we were going to take to get there and this meant reviewing the classroom procedures and how they relate to our vision of success. But, what I wanted to really focus on was the relationship piece. I wanted to learn as much about my students and also encourage my students to learn more about each other. I notice that all too often even though students are grouped in classes together and typically travel with each other grade level to grade level, they really do not know who the other is sitting in the desk beside them. In going through the Facilitative Leadership workshop, I really wanted to focus on building relationships. I have found that building solid relationships with students takes time. I must be patient and be intentional in my interactions with them. What has been more difficult is building the student-student relationship. In getting my students to build deeper relationships among each other I have had to intentionally implement strategies and lessons to encourage the students to interact. I had difficulty even getting them to talk to each other in groups about group work. While not all of my students have shared as much as others, we are starting to find ourselves as a cohesive unit working together. My students have had to rely on each other and build trust that the other person was going to do the job they were supposed to. We, as a class, remind each other of our shared vision and hold each other to that. When one of them has a proposal, they share it with each other first before bringing it to me; this ensures that they all have consensus and have the same end goal. After the students bring me the proposal, I review it with them and then we go through a consensus check. In doing this multiple times with my students, I have found in

comparison to my former classes; this semester my classes are running much more smooth. I have student buy in on most everything and the students are holding each other accountable for their actions. This has made the classroom atmosphere much less Ms. Pearsons Room Ms. Pearsons Rules and has grown into Our Classroom Our Vision. In building relationships with my students, I have had to have several Crucial Conversations. However, one conversation in particular has stuck with me. I have a student who has trouble taking responsibility for his own actions. To him he is always the victim. It was something someone else made him do or say. I had trouble over and over again with him and I found myself becoming angrier as the days went by. Over time I had told myself a story about why he was acting the way he was and what I was not going to do to for him. I had convinced myself that he was the one that needed to change he needed to take responsibility and he was old enough to know better by now. It wasnt until he blamed me one day for his actions, that I really found myself angry. I moved away from silence mode and into violence. When I went home that night, I found myself thinking about Crucial Conversation training and I realized I needed to work on me. I dug up my tool kit and focused on CPR Content, Pattern, and Relationship. I realized that his action of blaming me was a single issue; however, his pattern of constantly blaming others and playing victim is was recurring throughout the semester. Both of these had an affect on how he and I worked in the classroom. He was not performing to his potential and I was doing the bare minimum to help him. Both, the pattern and our

relationship had a major impact on our class. I realized, it was imperative that we have a Crucial Conversation. The next day before class, I grabbed him in the hall. I made sure it was safe for him in the sense that he did not feel I was trying to put him down in front of his peers. I also remained very conscious of my tone and voice level. I apologized for my reaction to his behavior and shared my thoughts with him. Then, I asked him to share his story. I asked him clarifying questions about his behavior or why he thought others were responsible. Then we calmly discussed the fact that he needed to take his emotions out of the picture and look at the facts. Once he was finished telling me his side of the story, I stated my path. Once we reviewed the path, I asked him what he would like his path to be? I asked him to explain his viewpoint of the issue and what he best felt he could do to solve it. We created a plan of action and I told him I was glad that we could talk. I told him we would revisit this conversation again to see how he was doing. Overall, the conversation went better than I had expected. Trying to constantly remain thoughtful of my Crucial Conversation training was difficult, especially when I felt my emotions rising. However, in all we were able to have a productive conversation and I have since seen some change in the young man. In reflection of Facilitative Leadership, one thing I need to work on is celebrating success. I have not celebrated success in my classroom other than a great job or a high-five. It is important to me that my students know that I notice what they are doing and when they are working hard, growing not only academically but socially and emotionally. Self-esteem and pride are two

characteristics that everyone need bolstered; I must be more intentional in fostering this in my students.