2 Vol.
XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
news
Economania!
By Najib Aminy
It’s hard to ignore the fact that the
U.S. economy is in shambles but it’s easy
to get lost in the complexities of how
this latest recession ultimately began:
sub-prime mortgages.
Sub-prime Lending
Usually whenever middle-class, or
any-class, Americans buy a house, they
take out a mortgage, a loan contracted
to a bank – which owns the property
until the mortgage is paid off. One gen-
erally must have good credit, employ-
ment stability, and decent stream of
income to apply for a mortgage.
This stopped being the case several
years ago. Banks started to offer mort-
gages that were easier to apply for,
which ultimately led to the highest per-
centage of homeownership in American
history: 69.2% in 2004, according to a
Census Bureau study. The nature of
these “easier” mortgages varied, from
no income-no asset loans to adjustable
mortgage rates, which offer below mar-
ket interest rates for the first couple of
years before resetting to higher rates of
interest.
These loans were given to people
who were, as borrowers, “sub-prime” –
they failed to meet the standards of gov-
ernment lenders, the financial institu-
tions Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.
Applying these standards would mean
looking at measurements, such as the
size of loan, the borrower’s debt-to-
income ratio, or their ability to docu-
ment their income.
The Perils
But what these sub-prime borrow-
ers failed to realize was that the initial 2
or 3 percent rate they were paying on
their mortgage would double – if not
triple – to a rate at which they would be
unable to pay. “Interest rates were very
low under very good conditions in the
short run, but they were set up to ex-
plode in the long run,” said Hugo Ben-
itez-Silva, a Stony Brook professor in
economics. “The broker who was sitting
in front of this family knew that this
person could not pay two years from
now unless he got promoted and earned
twice as much.”
So why would banks offer these
loans knowing that they could not be
paid? For profits – money made from
mortgaged-backed securities. Brokers
from small banks across America took
these sub-primed mortgages, bundled
hundreds of them together, and sold
them to the bigger banks like Citibank,
Chase, and Bank of America to name a
few. The promise of these mortgage-
backed securities was a high interest
rate, ultimately a return of investment
anywhere from 5 percent and up.
These big banks would then sell
these securities to various investment
companies, or even international banks
such as those of the Swiss and the
Japanese. Meanwhile, these securities
that have now traveled across the world
are all backed up bad mortgages – in-
ternational players had paid for the
right to collect back borrowed money
which couldn’t be repaid.
How Could It Happen
“There was this big sort of chain of
people from the broker until the last guy
buying it that no body remembered it
was garbage,” said Benitez-Silva, who is
also the director of Graduate studies of
economics.
This scheme was concocted in re-
action to Alan Greenspan, former
Chairman of the Federal Reserve, and
his decision to drop the interest rates of
government bonds to roughly one per-
cent. This forced companies and people
willing to invest to look to an alterna-
tive source of investment, as govern-
ment bonds tend to be the safest form
of investment but not necessarily one
with a large return. Looking for the next
big thing, specifically something with a
low risk/high return promise, investors
fell in love with mortgage-backed secu-
rities. Because the demand was high,
banks offered more lenient loans and
mortgages to fuel the money making.
But where was the oversight?
It was there, but the overseers, too,
were just as corrupt. These rating agen-
cies – such as Standard and Poor’s and
Moody’s Corporation – are companies
of finance and have economists that
look at these bonds and grade them.
“Well, they were really good friends
with people at Citibank, Chase, and
Bank of America, so the guy from
Chase would say ‘I have this bond, it’s
all these mortgages – great quality –
give me triple A score,’” Benitez-Silva
said. “Over a big T-bone steak, the rat-
ing agency would say, ‘Well you have
never failed me’ and that it is when it
started to snowball.”
The same sub-prime mortgaged
loans were given triple-A scores – a rat-
ing equal to that given to famously reli-
able government bonds – and being
traded all across the world. Yet, as the
Professors at Stony Brook are radical! In the good way!
people at the very beginning of this
chain of financial opportunity stopped
paying their mortgages, houses were
being foreclosed, and owners of these
mortgage-backed securities began los-
ing money.
The Consequences
This led to all these banking com-
panies panicking and selling their trou-
bled bonds only to realize that every
other bank or security holder was doing
the same, thus making the price go
down to zero. Now the choice to put
these assets on the balance sheets of
banks, which had once seemed to be a
profitable move, is revealed to have
been a troubled investment.
So that leads to where the economy
is today. It’s not that there is no money
to go around, rather the economic diffi-
culties stem from the simple fact that
people aren’t spending and banks aren’t
loaning. After witnessing the poor lead-
ership and operation of American
banks, investors want to go somewhere
safe with their money until the market
rebounds. So they are putting their
money into U.S. treasury bonds that
offer little to no interest at all.
Banks, who rely on investors and
whose assets have dried up due to trou-
bled assets cannot offer loans as they
did in years prior. Without access to
loans, there is less spending. Due to the
decreased spending, companies and
manufacturers are producing less and
laying off many of their workers. For
those that still have a job, spending is
tight as the uncertainty of job security
looms all across America.
Roman Sheydvasser
The Response
Enter President Obama. Not even
100 days into his administration, the
former Illinois Senator submitted his
$800 billion economic stimulus plan to
Congress last month. With the help of
Democrats and a few Republican Sena-
tors, his bill was approved. But will that
be enough?
Economics Professor Michael
Zweig doesn’t seem to think so. “I had
this friend who was a nurse who told to
me to take two aspirin instead of one,”
he said. “She said it was a better guar-
antee my headache would go away.
Obama has given the nation one as-
pirin.” Zweig, who is the Director of
Center for Study of Working Class Life
at Stony Brook, said he does not think
Obama’s stimulus plan will create
enough jobs. “So when the time comes
to take the second aspirin because the
problem is still there, people are going
to be more reluctant because they will
say the first one was not effective.”
When he looks for causes of the cri-
sis, Zweig points to the deregulation of
the financial sector in 1999, when banks
could offer investments and insurance
policy to consumers, under the Finan-
cial Services Modernization Act. “It no
longer becomes a Republican or Demo-
crat problem, but a problem of the cor-
porate elite,” Zweig said. “These banks
and investment companies get away
from government regulation, avoid
taxes, and make money.”
ECONOMY continued on page 3
The Stony Brook Press
NYPIRG Strikes Back!
By Natalie Crnosija
The Undergraduate Student Gov-
ernment Senate gave oral support for
reactivation of New York Public Inter-
est Group’s line budget during its Mar.
5 meeting. Senator Adal David Regis,
who worked closely with NYPIRG,
asked that the senate give its support to
the organization before its contract and
budget were reviewed for reinstate-
ment.
NYPIRG is a non-profit, statewide,
student-governed, public advocacy or-
ganization, founded in 1973 that fo-
cuses on consumer rights,
environmental protection and govern-
mental reform.
NYPIRG’s Stony Brook University
chapter, which was funded by USG, lost
its line budget funding last year due to a
loophole in its contract with USG.
“Their contract said that they did
not have to report how much money
they spent,” Senator Daniel Graber sai
This loophole left USG unable to
evaluate NYPIRG’s spending over the
2007-2008 academic year. According to
the SBU USG Constitution, it is the
spending of the previous year that USG
uses to determine a club’s budget for the
upcoming academic year. As NYPIRG
did not report its spending, it lost its
USG line budget, which totaled
$125,000.
Although NYPIRG lost its line
budget, it did receive vouchers for spe-
cific programs and on-campus initia-
tives during the 08-09 academic year.
ECONOMY continued from page 2
Climbing Back
And that is what makes this reces-
sion so unique from the past recessions
that America has faced. “Not a crisis of
middle class or poor, it’s the rich,” Ben-
itez-Silva said. “Obama is not talking to
the poor or middle class, he is talking to
the rich and trying to convince them
that it ok to spend.”
It is spending that leads to produc-
tion and increased employment – re-
sulting in a daunting outlook for
USG vouchers must be applied for indi-
vidually for every event.
“It is not as if we didn’t give them
any money at all,” Graber said. “They
get vouchers, but things don’t go as
smoothly as they do with a line budget
In spite of the constraints of the
voucher system, NYPIRG’s SBU chap-
ter remained instrumental in voter reg-
istration, and most recently, in
organizing the Feb. 25 SUNY budget
cuts protest, Andrew Morrison, SBU’s
NYPIRG regional supervisor, said.
The protest, which was co-orga-
nized by Regis, was seen as victory by
graduating students. “Students cannot
control the job market, nor can they
control what other candidates from
other universities do; they can only con-
trol their own actions,” said Marianna
Savoca, director of Stony Brook’s Career
Center. “A student graduating does not
have to worry about millions of jobs he
or she only has to worry about finding
one job.” Stony Brook’s Career Center
offers a range of career services from
looking over one’s resume to giving ca-
reer advice among other resources in
order to help prepare students entering
the job market.
senators who have actively campaigned
against budget cuts on campus over the
past few months. The cuts, which stip-
ulate a 90 percent tuition increase, will
be sent to the state government and
have been harshly criticized by admin-
istrators and students alike.
Stony Brook is not unique in its
struggle as the budget cuts rattle the
state’s university system. Across the
SUNY system, universities are suffering,
but are united by their respective
NYPIRG chapters and their collective
lobbying power.
SBU NYPIRG helped coordinate
Benitez-Silva, originally from
Spain, has noticed one positive from
this whole economic negative. “What is
most impressive about the U.S., regard-
less of how bad things get, there are al-
ways people that have a positive view
about the future, for one the youth,” he
said. “The youth have had a tougher
time competing with the fat cats. Now
the cat is the thin cat and is afraid and
the youth can be the top dog.”
News 3
SBU’s protest with those of other SUNY
campuses, Regis said. Now, as a result
of the demonstration, there is a possi-
bility of SBU keeping up to 40 percent
of its budget.
USG President Jeffrey Akita said at
the Feb. 25 USG Senate meeting that he
would not endorse NYPIRG’s reinstate-
ment of its budget, but insisted that
NYPIRG was a necessity at SBU.
“NYPIRG helps in ways that we
don’t even know,” Akita said. “It insures
that we have money for elections. They
advocate for us in Albany. NYPIRG is
fundamental for USG.”
Though Regis used NYPIRG’s per-
formance at the rally as evidence for re-
activating the organization’s line budget,
Senator Shamell Michael Forbes said
that reactivation should not be a reward
for NYPIRG.
“The reason for NYPIRG’s contract
reactivation is not because of their ef-
forts,” Forbes said. “This is not how we
want to decide. We have to think about
the actual contract, not about their ef-
forts. Is it necessary to their function to
have a budget, or can they use the
voucher system?”
Morrison, who spoke of NYPIRG’s
continuous lobbying in Albany, said
that USG’s support of NYPIRG, by pub-
lic and financial support, would help
NYPIRG accomplish its goals for the
SUNY system. “I am confi-
dent that we will get our funding back,”
Morrison said. “We need our contract
back to run at optimum efficiency.”
Roman Sheydvasser
 4 Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Editorial Board
Executive Editor
editorials
James Laudano
Managing Editor
Andrew Fraley Professor Chittick Is Awesome!
Associate Editor We know times are tough here at Mordente is insinuating there is. this hard-line stance, the article never
Najib Aminy
Stony Brook these days. The economy Chittick received his PhD in Iran once provides Chittick a chance to re-
Business Manager is in the tank and tuition is on the rise. and taught there during the 1970s (pre- buke these groundless arguments. In
Katie Knowlton So, we all need a good laugh at times. It Islamic Revolution for all you Patriot fact, it seems to be more of a lengthy di-
Production Manager was with this in mind that we picked up staffers, by the way). Mordente states, “I atribe against all things Iranian govern-
Tia Mansouri the latest issue of The Patriot, Stony find it hard to believe William Chittick ment, needlessly attaching Professor
News Editors Brook’s conservative student publica- is completely naïve regarding the cur- Chittick to a country and policies that
Natalie Crnosija tion. rent state of Iran…” And, for once in the he has had no part of since its old
Cindy Liu While we all had a bunch of good article, Mordente is probably correct. regime. It simply goes on to spout bull-
Features Editor laughs while reading it, one article did- Chittick is one of America’s foremost shit without any examination of
Alex Nagler n’t make us smile in the least. Well, one scholars on Iran and is most certainly Chittick’s stance, which essentially dis-
Arts Editor of us did laugh, but we had to remind aware of what is going on there today. credits the entire article in its own right.
Kelly Yu her that it was a serious piece. Titled, Yes, the sentiments echoed by certain We don’t think Professor Chittick
“SBU Professor Accepts Award From Iranian politicians are unsettling. But, should be ashamed. In fact, we applaud
Photo Editor
Roman Sheydvasser Iran” (how unimaginative) the article is just as Ernst said above, this award is ac- him. We admire the fact that he can
Liz Kaufman a baseless and ridiculous assault on ademic and apolitical. Yet, despite transcend unfortunate present day pol-
Copy Editors William Chittick, one of Stony Brook’s Chittick’s clear expertise in matters itics and continue to teach about the
Ross Barkan eminent scholars. Written by Patriot Iranian, Mordente goes on to cite Is- rich, vibrant history and culture of Iran
Erin Mansfield “Editor” Derek Mordente, the article lamophobe Robert Spencer and the and Islam. It is because of men like
Webmaster winds up being narrow-minded and nonsense he spouts on his website ji- William Chittick that we will be able to,
Chris Williams petty, rather than informative in any hadwatch.com. Bringing someone like one day, bridge the gaps between Iran
Audiomaster way. Spencer into the discussion only serves and America and make meaningful,
Andrew Fraley Here are the details: Professor to shove the argument outside the realm peaceful connections. It starts with mu-
Chittick was recently awarded The of being academic and apolitical. tual understanding from both sides, and
Ombudsman
Jowy Romano Farabi International Award, which is an Mordente closes this ridiculous “ar- Chittick is doing his part. Keep up the
achievement bestowed upon the fore- ticle” by stating “William Chittick, you good work, Professor Chittick!
most scholars in the field of Islamic should be ashamed of yourself.” Despite
studies. In addition to Chittick, two oth-
ers won the award, namely Carl Ernst
Minister of Archives
Jesse Schopefer and Miriam Galston. All three accepted
the award. As Mordente points out,
Ernst “…[claimed] that although he
Layout Design by
Jowy Romano ‘cringed’ at some of [Iranian President]

Staff
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s ‘policies’, he
found the award to be strictly ‘academic’
and apolitical.” We couldn’t agree more,
Mr. Ernst. As far as we are concerned
Kotei Aoki Frank Loiaccono
Ross Barkan Justin Meltzer (and most respectable scholars would
Vincent Barone James Messina probably agree) there is nothing wrong
Raina Bedford Steve McLinden
Matt Braunstein Samantha Monteleone with a professor accepting an award
Tony Cai Frank Myles
J.C. Chan Amyl Nitrate such as this.
Doug Cion Daniel Offner However, Mordente doesn’t see it
Laura Cooper Chris Oliveri
Caroline D’Agati Ben van Overkill this way. He goes on to say “Now, since
Krystal DeJesus Laura Paesano
Joe Donato Grace Pak William Chittick did not decline the
Nick Eaton Rob Pearsall
Michael Felder Jon Pu
award, one can only believe that, at best,
Caitlin Ferrell Aamer Qureshi he is in virtual agreement with the sen-
Vincent Michael Festa Kristine Renigen
Joe Filippazzo Dave Robin timents expressed by…Ernst” Yeah,
Amelia Fischer Jessica Rybak
Ilyssa Fuchs Joe Safdia Derek, he probably is in agreement with
Rob Gilheany Natalie Schultz Ernst. In agreement with the completely
David Knockout Ginn Jonathan Singer
Joanna Goodman Nick Statt logical and reasonable stance Mr. Ernst
Jennifer Hand Rose Slupski
Stephanie Hayes Lena Tumasyan has. What could possibly be wrong with
Andrew Jacob Marcel Votlucka Chittick agreeing with what Ernst said?
Liz Kaempf Alex Walsh
Elizabeth Kaplan Brain Wasser Nothing. However, it certainly seems
Jack Katsman Matt Thrillemain
Yong Kim Jason Wirchin
Rebecca Kleinhaut Jie Jenny Zou
Iris Lin

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The Stony Brook Press 5
E-mail your letters to sbpressnews@gmail.com letters
To the Editor,

I was very troubled by the print edition of Alfred Esposito’s article on the Stony Brook Motorsports team en-
titled “The loud, the Dirty, the Brilliant”. Mr. Esposito’s research and writing show promise, and he is to be com-
mended and encouraged in that regard, however the positive tone of the piece is marred by the inappropriate
caption under the photograph of President Kenny in the race car, along with the misuse of our photograph on
the back page. The student members of the Motorsports team work very hard to both complete their project
and also present themselves in a professional manner, and ascribing inappropriate language and bizarre im-
agery to their work only serves to disparage and misrepresent the program. I am extremely surprised and dis-
appointed that students like yourselves who are working on a project such as your newspaper would show
such disregard and disrespect towards your fellow students who are working passionately on a project of their
own.

Also, the following information was omitted from the article or requires correction: I work for the Department
of Mechanical Engineering, and Vivek Zilpelwar is a senior Mechanical Engineering student. Jean Christian
Brutus is a graduate student in Mechanical Engineering, and he serves as a graduate advisor to the team. Henry
Honigman is a team advisor. Vivek Zilpelwar and John Baglione’s names are spelled incorrectly. The team’s next
competition is in June, not July. The testing site at Research Park is known as the research and development
facility, not “the track” – it is used only for testing and evaluation of vehicle design elements without any of the
competitive aspects of a “track”.

In addition, there is no mention of the numerous on-campus sponsors that support the program; in particu-
lar the Undergraduate Student Government, the Department of Mechanical Engineering, the College of En-
gineering and Applied Science, President Shirley Strum Kenny, Vice President for Research Gail Habicht, Vice
President for Facilities and Services Barbara Chernow, Provost Eric W. Kaler, the Office of Undergraduate Ac-
ademic Affairs, and UREKA. Without all of this support, the team’s achievements would not be possible.

Sincerely,

Noah D. Machtay
Department of Mechanical Engineering
Stony Brook University

Noah,

We appreciate your concern about the article in our most recent issue. And we are sorry that you are disappointed
about the use of the photo that was generously provided for us. While we are within our legal rights to use the photo
as we did, that does not necessarily mean that we should. We don’t feel, however, that we did anything wrong. The
photo of President Kenny sitting in the car with a goofy grin on her face is, you must admit, ridiculous. It is a photo
that is asking to be lampooned, and we assumed that was the reason it was taken. The caption at the bottom and the
back cover are merely bad jokes—we have a very childish and morbid sense of humor—and shouldn’t be taken seri-
ously. We apologize if you feel that this in any way disparages Team Baja in any way, that was certainly not our intent.
As you both mentioned, Mr. Esposito’s article was well written, and we feel it represents the team well. A little joke we
slip into the article shouldn’t take away from the writing itself. In the future, we will do all in our power to avoid un-
fortunate situations such as these. We also hope that this doesn’t dissuade you from collaborating with us in the fu-
ture.
As for the mistakes in the article, we apologize for those. Retraction forthcoming. Rest assured also that our edi-
tors have all been sacked, and replaced with less useless ones. Mr. Esposito has also received the beating of his life for
those mistakes. We’ve also branded them onto his chest, in reverse, lest he ever forget them.

RETRACTIONS:
In Volume 30, Issue 9, in the article, “The Loud, The Dirty, The Brilliant,” senior Vivek
Zilpelwar’s name is misspelled, as is senior John Baglione’s. The article also misassociates the
Stony Brook Motorsports Team’s testing facility. Also, in addition to the duties mentioned in
the article, Henry Honigman also acts as team advisor. Also, in addition to the details pro-
vided by the article, graduate student Jean Christian Brutus also acts as the team’s graduate
advisor. We sincerely apologize for the mistakes.

Request an ad packet:
sbpressnews@gmail.com
Also, rest assured that the guilty parties have received their just desserts. A few rounds in the
Rancor pit ought to prevent a mistake like this from happening again.
 6 News
Much To Do About Nothing
By Andrew Fraley
Inside a packed and dimly lit room
in Harriman Hall, with two police offi-
cers standing outside, a would-be sim-
ple film screening inadvertently turned
into the most controversial event this
year. On Thursday, February 5, the
Stony Brook Social Justice Alliance
screened the documentary film Occu-
pation 101, to much criticism and op-
position from the Jewish community on
campus.
“[The movie] misrepresents the
facts and makes up slanderous lies,” said
Daniel Graber, a Undergraduate Stu-
dent Government senator and promi-
nent member of Stony Brook’s Hillel
Foundation for Jewish Life. Graber had
contacted the SJA earlier that day to re-
quest that they not show the film that
day, and perhaps delay it for another
time. Graber was not speaking for Hil-
lel when he requested this, but he said
they backed him up. In addition, several
students went to Dean Stein and Direc-
tor of Student Activities Alexandra
Duggan to voice their concerns. “Show-
ing a film that is very anti-Israeli is
going to bring up anti-Semitic senti-
ment,” said Sarah Marshall. “We obvi-
ously don’t want that.” Marshall is a
contributing writer to The Patriot, and
is also an active member of Hillel. She
shared similar opinions as Graber,
agreeing that the film is, “extremely bi-
ased and inaccurate.”
Graber also cited an earlier inci-
dent, in which Hillel agreed not to show
the film Obsession—a controversial
documentary about radical Islam—
The infamous forged “cancelled” fliers
after the Muslim Student Association
voiced concerns, as another reason SJA
should not show the film. Hillel acqui-
esced in order to preserve the peace and
cooperation between the two organiza-
tions. “Things work better when people
get along,” explained Graber.
In addition to the legitimate and
courteous requests, there were also sev-
eral inappropriate responses, including
accusations of anti-Semitism and at-
tempts to sabotage the event. Before the
movie was shown, Alex Saiu, a member
of SJA, displayed a flier of the event,
with “cancelled” printed beneath it. “We
don’t appreciate this,” announced Saiu.
Hillel and Graber both condemn the
sabotage, calling it “misguided”. The re-
sponsible parties have not been identi-
fied. Also, since the film was advertised,
the SJA has been inundated with nu-
merous accusations, over email and on
the group’s Facebook wall. “Accusation
of anti-Semitism should not be used
lightly. I think it’s unfortunate that peo-
ple feel that way and are willing to use
words like that as vehemently as they
have been used before and following the
film screening,” said Dan Woulfin, a
graduate student and member of SJA.
The SJA decided in the end to go
ahead with the screening. “We feel that
the members of the campus community
are mature enough to watch it and make
up their own minds and not come to
rash conclusions,” said Saiu, defending
the SJA’s decision. The SJA also wanted
the screening to coincide with the up-
coming convoy to Palestine. The Viva
Palestina! Aid Convoy, a humanitarian
convoy from Britain and with contribu-
tions from around the world, success-
fully crossed into Gaza on March 9.
“Showing the film was
meant to highlight this
courageous humanitar-
ian mission and the im-
portance of direct action
and international soli-
darity when national
governments and global
bodies like the UN fail
to act in the face of bla-
tant human suffering,”
explained Saiu. More
info is available at viva-
palestina.org.
In order to avoid con-
flict, and to diffuse the
unjust accusations, the
SJA went to Hillel to dis-
cuss it. They also invited
Rabbi Joseph Topek to
speak at the event, and
open it up for discus-
sion. “[The SJA] were
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Alex Saiu is a cool dude.
gracious enough to me to offer a few re-
marks after the film,” Topek explained.
“I think the SJA leadership did a good
job at moderating a discussion.” Agree-
ing that the situation was dire, Topek
also added facts he felt the movie omit-
ted, and tried to clear up some of the
history that wasn’t fully explained.
The movie itself focuses mainly on
the human rights side of the Palestin-
ian-Israeli conflict. While many agreed
that it was one-sided, Saiu explained
that it is the “side that’s unrepresented”;
this later became a topic of debate dur-
ing the discussion as well. Despite con-
taining no apparent anti-Semitism,
many still begged to differ. “The film
uses Israeli and Jewish interchangeably,”
explained Graber, claiming that the
movie creates a negative association be-
tween the two. Graber did not attend
the event, but had seen the movie pre-
viously. “It’s basically a propaganda film,
and a well made one at that,” added
Topek. “ If the purpose is to try to have
a somewhat objective study of the Is-
raeli-Palestinian conflict then I don’t
think it was a great choice, but it did
succeed in provoking a discussion.”
The discussion afterward became
heated early on, although the SJA did an
effective job keeping it reasonable.
Woulfin acted as moderator, and made
sure everyone got their say. “My biggest
concern was that the discussion would
devolve into a circular debate of ‘us ver-
sus them,’” said Woulfin. “Fortunately,
most of the Stony Brook students who
attended didn’t fall into that trap and
were able to discuss the film intelli-
gently.” Although it remained civil, it
Dan Woulfin
became polarized and very tense. “It
was very uncomfortable for me,”
claimed Marshall, “the pro-Israeli side
of the debate got jeers, while the pro-
Palestine side got cheers. It was a very
scary thing.” The tension was certainly
not one-sided, however; I noticed sev-
eral scoffs at statements defending
Palestine as well. With prepared state-
ments and unwavering responses, many
of the attendees seemed unchanged by
the film. “By simple observation, most
of the minds are already set,” noted jun-
ior Ahmed Uro. In the end, the only
thing that was agreed upon was that no-
body may agree, but knowledge is
power. “It’s ok for students to disagree
with one another, even passionately,”
admitted Topek, “as long as it is civil.”
Members of SJA still remain per-
plexed about the whole incident. “The
film isn’t perfect but our goal was to
highlight a humanitarian crisis, which
the film very powerfully does,” ex-
plained Woulfin. “Another film about
the same topic was shown the week be-
fore in the Union Auditorium by
UNICEF and raised no outcry.” The
movie drew a crowd of 65 people, com-
pletely filling Harriman 214, and would
have drawn more if not for the forged
fliers and police presence. “[Not show-
ing the movie] would have been a dis-
service to those here,” said Saiu after the
screening. Relations are usually good
between the Muslim and Jewish com-
munities on campus; fears of anti-se-
mitic backlash seemed unfounded. “It’s
something that I’ve seen on other cam-
puses,” said Woulfin, “but never at Stony
Brook.”
The Stony Brook Press
Just As The Frozen Earth Doth Thaw,
So Too Unto Stony Brook’s Job Market
By Caitlin Ferrell
It’s been five months since Presi-
dent Shirley Strum Kenny declared a
hiring freeze on the Stony Brook Uni-
versity campus to prepare for state
budget cuts. The freeze ended in No-
vember, but the recession has only
deepened since, and Stony Brook Uni-
versity continues to see the wounds
from lack of cash across its campuses.
During the freeze, construction
projects, which were already slow mov-
ing, were halted. The Stony Brook Med-
ical Center was also affected. An
administration worker, who requested
to remain anonymous, said that since
the freeze ended, employers have been
“a little more resourceful” with new
hires, trying to stretch a thin budget.
News 7
Research and state funds were drasti-
cally affected, but have since been re-in-
stated.
However, Campus Dining was un-
affected. “Campus Dining Services does
not receive state funding,” said Angela
Agnello, Director of Marketing & Com-
munications of the Faculty Student As-
sociation at SBU. “Its sole funding
source is revenues from food purchases
on campus, including the student meal
plan.” Agnello also said the FSA was un-
affected as it is a private not-for-profit
auxiliary services corporation. Campus
Residences was also unaffected as its
funding comes from students’ room
and board fees.
Today Stony Brook University’s
website has a slew of medical jobs listed
as well as jobs in almost every depart-
ment in Human Resources, Campus
Dining and Campus Residences.
 8 Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009

features
My Two Cents
By Nick Eaton
Meeting Economics Professor
Michael Zweig was intimidating. With-
out having ever heard of him before, I
couldn’t help but assign importance to a
man whose idea of “organized” entails
a desk strewn about with papers and
folders. As Najib and I peeked into the
room, the second thing we noticed was
a wall of shelves covered in books. Fi-
nally Michael Zweig, typing away at his
computer in the back of the room,
caught our attention. e man looks
like Karl Marx.
If you search “Michael Zweig,”
you’ll find his article for e Nation and
multiple interviews on PBS. You’ll find
an Amazon listing of his books and of
course his Stony Brook University fac-
ulty page. Suffice it to say that, at the
very least, he knows his shit. As the Di-
rector of the Center for the Study of
Working Class Life, Professor Zweig is
certainly the go-to guy regarding eco-
nomic issues that affect the vast major-
ity of SBU students.
plain English. While many Wall Street
types aim their sights at “too much gov-
ernment regulation” as the cause of the
crisis, a simple breakdown of the crisis
itself shows that a circumstantial lack of
responsibility was to blame for the
mess. Whether or not government is the
solution is up to debate, but govern-
ment certainly wasn’t the cause – op-
portunity and greed were. Despite
falling to the Keynesian side of the di-
vide, Zweig was more than a little skep-
are more political posturing than effec-
tive policy and the job creation is min-
imal to say the least. While this may
possibly slow down the current down-
ward spiral, another stimulus will be re-
quired in the future. is begs the
question of whether or not Obama will
have the political clout to accomplish
that goal. In the face of what will be
framed as a “failed” stimulus package by
Republicans, can Obama stave off criti-
cism enough to pass another omnibus
bailouts would, I think, be a step in the
right direction. A securities speculation
tax could help. Advocated by economist
Dean Baker as well as the ever-vigilant
presidential candidate Ralph Nader, a
securities speculation tax would be the
equivalent of the taxes paid at casinos
or playing the state lottery. e differ-
ence being the majority of participants
in the financial market “roulette,” so to
speak, are wealthy individuals. Nader
sums the concept up nicely: “Why
should you pay a 5 to 6 percent sales tax
for buying the necessities of life, when
tomorrow, some speculator on Wall
Street can buy $100 million worth of
Exxon derivatives and not pay one
penny in sales tax?”
He continues by stating that
“the basic premise of taxation should be
to first tax what society likes the least or
dislikes the most, before it taxes honest
labor or human needs.” Zweig added
that such a tax would have to be federal.
If done at the state level, the stock ex-
change could merely change its location
and sidestep the tax entirely. Such a tax
would also enable a lightening of the in-
come tax which would benefit all Amer-

You Can’na Talk To Youkhanna!

As Najib and I launched questions, tical regarding Obama’s economic spending bill?
stimulus package as am I. e tax cuts Recouping the money spent on the icans.
the answers we received came back in

By Natalie Crnosija
The Iraq known to Americans has
been burned into the public conscious-
ness by images of urban warfare and
improvised explosive devices. This Iraq
is different from the Iraq that once ex-
isted: the one composed of the artifacts
that have been stolen, music that has
been silenced and art that is no longer
exhibited. It was this modern, cultur-
ally conscious Iraq that became a war
zone without running water, Dr. Donny
George Youkhanna, Iraq’s former
Chairman of the State Board of Antiq-
uities and Heritage said.
“People wouldn’t believe what we
had then…it was an open society with
dance parties and social clubs where
people could play bingo every Sunday,”
Youkhanna said. “Now, the infrastruc-
ture is so bad that Iraqis get only two
hours of electricity a day.”
Youkhanna is a visiting professor in
Stony Brook University’s Department of
Asian and Asian American Studies,
where he has been teaching since 2006.
It was earlier in 2006 that Youkhanna
was pressured out of his chairmanship
by threats against his family and the
possibility of assassination. He had held
the position for one year.
In the years since his departure
from Iraq, Youkhanna has observed
changing American policy towards his
home country. There is now a time
frame for American withdrawal from
Iraq, and President Obama’s call for
diplomacy has been seen as a turning
point in the conflict. Though he agreed
with Obama’s call for dialogue,
Youkhanna stressed the necessity of cul-
tural understanding.
“I believe educated people will not
kill each other,” Youkhanna said. “There
has to be a cultural approach to peace.
If there is an attempt to see another cul-
ture and its achievements, that will give
good results in the long run.”
The cultural history of Iraq, which
spans back 7,000 years to the Sumerian
Empire, has also been a casualty of the
conflict through looting and damage to
the museums.
Youkhanna, an expert in the
achievements of Iraqi culture, oversaw
the preservation of Mesopotamian arti-
facts in Iraq’s museums. There were
over 150,000 artifacts in museums of
Iraq. Of those artifacts, 50 percent were
lost to looting after the invasion. the diversity of religious sects, Iraq can-
Though some of these items have been
returned, thousands of artifacts remain
not be classified strictly as an Islamic
country, Youkhanna said. He preferred
missing. the classification of Iraq as an Arabic
“It’s a disaster,” Youkhanna said. country as a cultural characterization.
“There are masterpieces that are lost “In Iraq, there are Muslims and
and have still not been returned.” Christians and as much as they are ed-
The theft of artifacts was prompted ucated as such, they live together and
by the initial chaos of the 2003 invasion are Iraqis,” Youkhanna said. “They rec-
and the ensuing five years of urban ognize they are all Iraqis, and that is the
combat. The low security of museums most important thing.”
and massive unemployment made the
theft of artifacts a viable way for Iraqis
to make money at the expense of Iraq’s
cultural history.
This unemployment, caused by the
deterioration of the economy, also con-
tributed to the growth of the insurgence
movement. Financial desperation drives
Iraqis to paying sectarian insurgent
groups.
“We need to minimize unemploy-
ment,” Youkhanna said. “That is the
only thing that will 100 percent work.
The reason people go to the insurgence
is because they have no money.”
The sectarianism in Iraq among the
Sunnis, the Shiites, the Kurds and
Christians has been the cause of the
civil strife in Iraq and has fuelled the in-
stability within the country. Because of
The Stony Brook Press
Though it appear a little out of fashion,
There is much care and valour
in this Professor
By Natalie Crnosija
The only place one would expect to
find a Barnes & Noble Classics Edition
of “Henry V” or “Titus Andronicus” at
Stony Brook University would be at the
campus bookstore—not under the edi-
torship of a university professor.
At SBU, which touts its scientific
conquests on-campus, off-campus and
abroad, achievements in the humanities
seldom make the shuffle of advertise-
ments on the university homepage. De-
spite its low profile, Stony Brook’s
English department is populated by
many published and publishing profes-
sors, including Professor Benedict S.
Robinson, with his most recent editor-
ship of “Henry V” and “Titus Androni-
cus.”
Robinson, 36, is an associate pro-
fessor and, apart from his Barnes &
Noble publications, has authored nu-
merous articles analyzing Renaissance
drama and poetry.
“I didn’t always like Shakespeare,”
said Robinson in his office in the SBU
Humanities building. The walls were
dotted with postcard-size portraits of
Elizabethans, and a single playlist hung
by the computer with a Velvet Under-
ground song near the bottom. “I got
into Shakespeare pretty late in life, but I
was always a reader.”
Robinson, a native of South Bend,
Indiana, planned to study 20th Century
Literature as he neared the end of his
undergraduate career at the University
of Chicago. A single class peaked
Robinson’s interest and made him
switch his focus towards the Renais-
sance.
“It was a really late decision,” said
Robinson. “I remember some of my
recommendations still said I was going
to study Modern Literature.”
Robinson studied Renaissance Lit-
erature at Columbia University’s Grad-
uate School of Arts and Sciences under
Shakespeare expert Professor James
Shapiro. Shapiro, a winner of the The-
atre Book Prize and a Fulbright lecturer,
said that, after two years into Robinson’s
dissertation, the two spoke as equals.
“Ben is a brilliant scholar and a tal-
ented editor…with a fine sense of
drama and Shakespeare in relation to
his moment,” said Shapiro. It is this type
of expertise that Barnes & Noble, Inc.
looks for in editors of the Classics Edi-
tion said Alan Kahn, a member of the
corporation’s Classics department.
“It is important for editors to add to
the readers’ learning experience
through their own insight,” said Kahn.
Robinson’s specific field of study is
the representation of Islam in Renais-
sance literature. The European preju-
dice of perceived Islamic militancy was
the subject of Robinson’s dissertation,
“The Romance of the East: Islam and
English Literature after the Reforma-
tion.” The dissertation was expanded
into his book, “Islam and Early Modern
English Literature: The Politics of Ro-
mance from Spenser to Milton,” pub-
lished in 2007.
Publication is a requirement for
tenure in SBU’s English department,
where Robinson has been teaching for
almost seven years. The other two cri-
teria are teaching and service said Pro-
fessor Stephen Spector, chair of the SBU
English department.
Robinson has published articles
through Columbia University Press,
Cambridge University Press and Uni-
versity of Pennsylvania Press, through
which he edited Textual Conversations
in the Renaissance: Ethics, Authors,
Technologies with Professor Zachary
Lesser in 2006.
Robinson’s most recent editorial
work can now been seen on the shelves
of Barnes & Noble Booksellers.
“The editorship [of the Barnes &
Noble Classics] was just something that
happened,” said Robinson quietly. He
did not elaborate further.
“Professor Robinson is a very de-
cent, modest and honest,” said Spector,
who was a member of the board who
9
features
hired Robinson. “He agreed to be di-
rector of the undergraduate English
program because he knew we needed
it.”
Robinson will be replacing Profes-
sor Bente Videbaek, the current under-
graduate director of the English
department, at the end of the Spring
2009 semester. As the undergraduate
director, Robinson will be the advisor
for nearly 500 undergraduate English
majors at SBU.
“The great thing about Professor
Robinson is that, when he is lecturing,
he is so focused and it is like there is
nothing else in the world but Shake-
speare,” said Junior Darla Gutierrez.
“It’s amazing.”
Robinson, who was first attracted
the analytical aspect of literature study,
has grown to enjoy teaching.
“I had to get over the initial fear of
public speaking,” Robinson said. “I like
to sit and think about literature and I’d
like to think I’m not alone in that. I love
when people get excited in class and
have ideas.”
As the new undergraduate director
of the English department, Robinson
will have to balance his own work and
the position of an English program di-
rector in a science research university.
“It’s a little weird,” said Robinson
and smiled. “But maybe they’ll let me
use the particle accelerator.”
10
features
Why Women Are Awesome
By Natalie Crnosija
Men say a lot of things about
women. Men say that women’s judg-
ment comes and goes with the moon.
Men say women can’t drive. Men say
women can’t do math.
e role of men in society is rarely
questioned. eir level of freedom rel-
ative to the opposite sex is not a fre-
quent topic of discourse, nor is their
status determined by their companion
gender. In the majority of the world’s
population, women’s worth is deter-
mined completely by men.
ere is a global scale of variability
in terms of how men treat women. Men
can treat women like chattel. Men can
treat women like equals. Men can
bounce around in between and find
some twist of chivalry. If a woman goes
to Iran, she is treated differently than
she is treated in France. If a woman is a
mother, she is treated differently than if
she were a bachelorette.
It is not the disastrous inconsis-
tency of women in the world that hu-
mankind needs to worry about. It is,
instead, the vacillations of men’s views
of the world and the women within it
that the global population should con-
sider a threat. How did men come to
hold the keys and say that women
couldn’t drive? How did men come to
determine the benchmark of correct-
ness while women struggle to measure
up? Over time, the concept of worth
and power has become hyper-sexual-
ized and skewed towards men. is
power gradient has become so in-
grained in the human mind that women
themselves discriminate against
women. Women are as capable as men.
ey are more capable than men if ca-
pability is judged by college acceptance
rates, graduate school acceptance rates
and the female employment rate com-
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
parable to men. Men say women can’t perception of female
do math.
Here’s an equation to ponder:
behavior, or, the nega-
tion of male behavior.
{(2009 Total U.S. Adult Employ- It is uncomfortable be-
ment Rate) – (“All Women Sent Back to cause this social shi is
the Kitchen”) = (49 percent of the earn- so massive that the old
ing population)} (Source: New York masculine association
Times) with power and apti-
If you want to really want to destroy tude is showing its lim-
America, send all the women home. its. e modern world
If women are considered to be gov- includes women. e
erned by the pitch and yaw of hor- modern world in-
mones, how does one explain the cludes women in pow-
inconsistency of men? Women’s pri- erful positions. A
mary sex hormone is not an anabolic woman does not have
steroid that causes hyper-aggressive be- to be a man to be pow-
havior. Testosterone, which builds mus- erful.
cle, gives men the physical edge over Even in the most
women. e hormone has been deter- progressive societies
mined to be the dividing line between where women hold le-
the genders and biologically establishes gitimate power, men
the foundation for masculine-feminine feel threatened by the
interaction. push against their tra-
Because of the nearly neolithic as- ditional power role. As
sociation of strength with masculinity men projected puis-
due to the steroidal affects of testos- sance on themselves,
terone, humankind has found itself they projected
stuck in the current gender conun- women’s burgeoning
drum. ere is a basic physical compo- role in society as a
nent that seems to determine the threat. is has
relationship completely. Men have prompted the defama-
taken this concept of power and re- tion of women in
formed it in their own image, and by modern society, in
their traditional, societal control, have classrooms, in dorms
made it impossible for women to equal and in the workplace.
them. is is what makes the female If it is women who are
struggle for equality so difficult. perceived as “old fash-
Socially, a woman can only be con- ioned,” why are men
Women rule
sidered powerful up to a certain level having trouble adapt-
before she is said to be taking on a mas- ing to the new world
culine role and is demonized for it. order?
der equality. Men should grow up, get
Both men and women criticize the in- ose catty remarks about modern
out of the sandbox, and start acting like
dividual woman’s assumption of mas- women are derived exclusively from
adults instead of using the “girls have
culinity as unnatural and outside of her fear, the masculine fear of being less
cooties” line of reasoning.
specific gender role, which is presum- than superior. Men will have to adapt
Quit your bitching! You’re starting
ably passively running a vacuum their view because the problem is not
to sound like a girl.
cleaner with a ring on her finger. with women ruining the world; it is that
e current trend of female men refuse to adapt to a gender power
achievement falls outside of the ancient shi and accept the possibility of gen-
The Stony Brook Press
Reflections on Women, Break-Ups
and Things of That Sort
By Ross Barkan
March, as you might have heard, is
Women’s History Month. Conservatives
will shout that this is only one more ex-
ample of the liberal media propagating
their values in an already totally egali-
tarian society, while liberals will shout
(or whine, as the Conservatives like to
say) that women need to be empowered
because they face oppression from
America’s patriarchal construct. As a
man, but more importantly an asshole,
I fall somewhere in between on this
supposed debate over the merits of
Women’s History Month. (Does this de-
bate even exist? Fuck if I know). What I
do know is that my girlfriend dumped
me nary a week ago and I plan to share
my observations on the female gender
as a humble, curly-haired 19 year-old
fellow.
Sociologists, biologists, ecologists,
economists and botanists tell me that
women are “people.” As an amateur zo-
ologist (and an asshole), I must take ex-
ception to this assertion. My studies in
the practice known as “dating” in which
the male assumes the role as
“boyfriend” and the female assumes the
role as “girlfriend” have taught me that
females, like 19th century battleships,
need to be anchored to the dock at all
times. By dock, I mean me. And by me,
I mean society. And by society, I mean
my dick. Males will know what I am
talking about. Women, quite simply,
aren’t like you or I. They’re special crea-
tures with special wants and needs,
needs which grow like weeds in the gar-
den of your proletarian domicile. Every-
one knows you must destroy the weeds.
A great singer named Kenny Winker
once crooned, “Don’t make love to any
part of me. My dick tells lies just like my
son of a bitch face.” Mr. Winker was
both right and wrong. I would like the
female gender to make love to my body.
Repeatedly, preferably. In fact, the lack
of fellatio my ex-girlfriend was willing
to provide me secretly irked my trou-
bled soul, despite the fact that a multi-
national corporation, in one of the most
bittersweet moments of my life, in-
formed me that my phallus did not fit
into their standard-issue contraceptives.
Women suck
This is aside from the point, though.
Mr. Winker, intentionally or uninten-
tionally, presents a fascinating paradox.
How can women be “people,” fit to
walk, talk, and breed in a society, when
they wrong me so?
Paradox or not, William James, a
19th century pioneer in psychology, and
Bubba Crosby, a former reserve out-
fielder for the New York Yankees who
owns a career batting average of .216,
share something in common. They
both haven’t broken up with me. In fact,
William James died seventy-nine years
before I was born. What does this have
to do with women, you say? I’ll answer
with a quote from my good friend, the
amateur philosopher and potato chip
connoisseur Craig John Heed: “Women
shouldn’t be allowed to work, vote,
marry, or have children.” Are these irra-
tional sentiments, perhaps? No. Mr.
Heed is correct in his scientific exposi-
tions because a fictional 2004 study by
Johns Hopkins University revealed that
women, in fact, have no souls. As a de-
vout Christian and neo-Pagan, I cannot
respect something that does not have a
soul.
Remember, the male always pays for
meals. Even the casual observer can see
that women consume far more than
they actually need, whether it be food,
money or petroleum. A female is a ver-
11
features
itable black hole, a fissure in the cosmos
raping the spectacular star field visible
from your heart’s telescope. Were I to
apply Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel’s
law of Immanence to the female debate,
one would see females aren’t actual peo-
ple because they can’t play in the NBA.
It’s common sense, really. When so few
of a gender can dunk, are they even
worth saving?
Last week, when I was not a single,
I was watching a portion of the movie
Titanic, which TBS had decided to air
instead of an infomercial for goiter re-
duction surgery. I was alone, back home
in Brooklyn, idling away the minutes
before I would go to sleep once again in
the a.m. As you might have heard, the
Titanic sunk. Before the ship split in
two like a stale breadstick and drowned
in the Atlantic, the deck officers allowed
only women and children to board the
lifeboats first. You’ve probably heard
this by now. Women—the same sup-
posed gender that can’t dunk a basket-
ball, be President of the United States,
invent electricity or walk on the
moon—were allowed to be saved before
men. And then eight short years later
women had the audacity to vote in a
presidential election. Hell, next thing
you’ll tell me is that they let demon-wiz-
ards from Alpha Centauri vote.
I write this piece with a bitter heart.
In a month when we are supposed to be
celebrating the woman, I am now with-
out one. I only wish we could domesti-
cate the poor species and keep them
from overgrazing. In these tough eco-
nomic times, we need all the grain fields
we can get. Women need to learn that
hearts, like a 1912 ocean liner, can
break. They can sink. Also, if you look
deep enough into them you too can see
Kate Winslett naked.
God damn I’m lonely.
12 Features
Getting Under Their Skin
By Matthew Calamia
“Sorry…We’re Open,” reads the
sign in the window of The Devil’s Rose
tattoo parlor in Blue Point, New York.
Walking through the glass doors, the
unwelcoming buzzing of needles and
heavy metal music plays in unison
against the orange walls littered with
artwork.
“I’ll be with you guys in a second,”
said Christian Peters, washing down his
client with disinfectant before casing
the fresh ink of an Indian-style chest
piece in plastic wrap.
Peters, 25, from Sound Beach, Long
Island, said that he was a shy kid when
he was younger, and tattoos allowed
him to break away from his loner per-
sona. “People always treat you differ-
ently after you start getting covered. As
you mature, your tattoos mature with
you,” said Peters, who has been tattoo-
ing for almost three years, after gradu-
ating from Suffolk County Community
College with a degree in television and
film production.
The body art that Peters has “col-
lected” over the past seven years covers
most of his body, and ranges from drag-
ons and tree branches, to funeral bells
that he remembers his fallen comrades
by, and old record players symbolizing
his passion for music.
Tattoos always contour a person’s
personality, and tell a story about the
person they belong to. Peters prepares
This is TATU, not tattoo.
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
to begin work on his next client, James such a strong
Marvullo, who is in for his third and
final sitting for a shoulder tattoo. “I’ve
bond. The artist
literally gets into
noticed people with tattoos have their client’s skin,
changed their whole outlook on things,” in such a personal
continues Peters. “They start to become way that very few,
more of an individual.” if any, other pro-
For Marvullo, 19, a fashion design fessions come
major at Nassau Community College, close to. Every
the art of tattooing is self-expression. “I prick of the nee-
like having them because I like art, and dle into the per-
tattooing is just another way to express son’s flesh is the
the art that I enjoy.” Peters’s love artist’s indelible
affair with the needle began long before signature.
the 50 to 60 hours he has spent so far “That whole
covering his body with the black and parallel, the fact
colored ink, dating back to his child- that you’re going
hood. “I was always drawn to [tattoos], to do something
even as a little kid,” said Peters as he permanent, some-
mixed blue and white ink. “I’d always thing that causes
get the temporary tattoos from the ice pain,” said Peters.
cream man,” he said, laughing. “I never “You need to treat
thought I’d be the illustrated man them in a differ-
though.” ent way. You need
The bond between people with tat- to understand
toos is glaring. The camaraderie be- what they’re look-
tween people with permanent ink has ing for, and give
formed many friendships in the com- them what they
munity, which may not have been pos- want.”
sible. Others in the
“I’ve met a decent amount of peo- industry agree.
ple through tattooing, whether it be An artist that goes
clients or people that I’ve worked with,” by the name Tom
said Peters. “A lot of people I’ve tattooed Tap It, works at
were my friends already, which holds a The Electric Tiki
lot of pressure on me.” Tattoo parlor in Tattoos have always been shadowed
It’s that pressure and trust factor be- Patchogue, New York. “Being new by negative stereotypes of anger and vi-
tween the client and artist that creates within this community myself, it truly olence. Peters admits that’s a stereotype
makes a strong connec- he has embraced. “Part of me loves
tion with your client and them,” Peters said laughing. “Tattoos
you share a bond that will used to be a social faux pas, and they
never be broken,” he said. may not be popular for too much
Christine Bartolillo, longer,” he adds. “This could all be just
18, concurs that her tat- a flavor of the week, you know?”
toos help her be more gre- Although Tap It has never met Pe-
garious. “For someone ters, he has seen his work. “The clients
who is very, very self con- of his that I have met have amazing
scious like myself,” Barto- work on them,” Tap It said. “From what
lillo said, “tattoos are a I understand he is a genuine guy and
way of kind of actually lik- one of the local artist that I have been
ing the way I look, and lik- meaning to get to know. I enjoy his
ing the body I have. It’s a color blends as well as the structure he
reason to show my skin. I puts into his artwork.”
can say ‘wow, I really love With any job, there must be a love
this ink on my thigh,’ and and passion in doing it. Peters looks for-
it just makes me feel bet- ward to seeing the white neon “TAT-
ter about myself.” TOO” sign hanging above the little shop
An attempt to contact on Blue Point Road everyday, and
the National Tattoo Asso- would not change a thing. “I love my
ciation president Curt job. If I couldn’t be doing what I love, I’d
Keck, pertaining to how kill myself,” laughs Peters. “Or at least
tattoos help a person be miserable.”
come out of their shell and
help meet people was
made, but no reply was
given.
The Stony Brook Press Features 13
E-mail The Press at
Want your club/organization to be featured in a future Club Spotlight? sbpressnews@gmail.com

FIGHT CLUB(S)- BRASILIAN JUJITSU

including close quarters grappling, also learned. It’s basically a series of moves get pinned down? Can I shake him?
By Eric DiGiovanni known as clinching. BJJ also encom-
passes both ground fighting, where one
that look really cool when performed. I
use “performed”, as opposed to “exe-
Then when the grappling begins, the
blood pumps, and you have to force
combatant tries to maneuver to a more cuted” because while it shows what op- yourself to breathe normally. All that
Style: Brazilian Jujitsu advantageous position, and submission tions you can actually do in the middle talk about strategy begins to fall to the
When It Meets: Monday, Wednesday, fighting, where the object is to try to of a fight, you’re probably not going to wayside. If you’re compromised for
and Friday, from 5:30-7:30 PM cause pain to a specific part of the body. pull any of that off, at least on purpose. even a second, instinct takes over. For
Where It Meets: Mat Room in Pritchard Or, as Krishna puts it: “Gravity will take While it’s good to know “Great, in case seasoned veterans, this simply means to
Gym over eventually.” I’m in this position, I can do this,” fall back on your extensive training, and
Who’s Known For It: Everyone with the fish around for an opportunity.
last name “Gracie”, most UFC Hell, they’ve danced this dance
fighters before, they have time. How-
ever, for most, and me in partic-
Brazilian jujitsu is a martial ular, fight-or-flight kicks in like
art that focuses primarily on an adrenaline fueled boot to the
grapping and fighting on the ass, and the primal urge to be on
ground. One of the factors that top boils to the surface. Oh, it’s
separate it from others is that it easy for the instructor to say,
relies primarily on leverage and “Relax, take it easy,” and keep it
improvisation. What amazed me light. Honestly, though, how am
from watching some of the more I supposed to do so when a man
experienced members of this club is trying to choke me?
was how one tiny detail; one foot All in all, it was a good work-
in the right place, one twist of the out, and served as a venue to ex-
hip, can turn the tides of the ecute the individual moves
match. learned in a practical setting.
I attended one of the meet- Looking back to all the times I
ings of the club this past Wednes- got caught in the submission
day. There have been similar clubs holds, I could almost see where
in the past, which caused me I went wrong, and my opponent
quite a bit of confusion. There took advantage of an opportu-
were wrestling and MMA clubs nity. Brains win out over brawn
on campus, but those fizzled out. here.
BJJ has been on campus for the When I asked the members, or
past four years. more accurately, whoever
The main question I look for
when doing these “Fight Club(s)” Owned
showed up, for comments, they
remained silent. Terrence was
columns is, why should anyone the only one to speak up, “I like
bother taking this specific art? “It’s been Even if you’re not interested in chances are the other guy isn’t going to the instruction…” and anything after-
the most proven form of self-defense” learning anything new, it’s worth it to let it play out, and is thinking of doing wards was drowned out by the rest
boasts instructor Krishna Mirjah. “It’s come just for the workout. Among the something else entirely. shouting out their answers.
non-combative, unlike the striking arts. standbys like squats and running, one The real meat of the class is the spar- “Discipline!”
We can go full-out down here without of the warm-ups was to practice a cru- ring, or “rolling”. These are done in “Community!”
really harming each other. Jujitsu liter- cial move in BJJ known as “shrimping”. three-minute rounds, where the only I think what summed up my feeling
ally means ‘Gentle Art’” Shrimping is an escape maneuver that objective is to get a submission. Let me was the only thing I heard him say
Terrence Cheng, a long time mem- requires you to pivot on the hip and tell you, there are a million thoughts when everyone else quieted down: “I
ber, who was also on the e-board for the push out with your feet. In practice, it’ll going through your head during one of like the dedication everyone has”
defunct MMA, club cited low turnout look like you’re flailing around, like a these things. Oh sure, it starts out So, if you’re looking for some good
and the fact that only experienced peo- shrimp. I never said anything about friendly enough, you both slap hands, exercise, and to learn something new
ple attended as the reasons why that looking dignified. and crouch into position. You try to with people who are more than accom-
club is no more. One practice technique employed have some sort of game plan going into modating, try the Brazilian Jujitsu Club.
Chances are, any UFC fighter was called a flow drill, which is where a it, but right when the other guy starts to And yes, there are girls who attend.
you’ve seen on TV has had some expe- lot of the moves and techniques are move, fear begins to set in: Am I going
rience in BJJ. It does cover quite a bit,
14
arts&entertainment
The Chaotic LI Music Scene:
By Andy Polhamus
& Nick Statt
Crammed between a row of lower
middle class businesses, and across
from the railroad station from which it
takes its name, Traxx Music Hall is a
small, but popular, venue in
Ronkonkoma, Long Island. The capitol
letters stretch out in a chipped gold font
and the black tinted windows conceal
the happenings inside, but let the sound
leak out in glass shifting swells. Loafing
around outside are sweatshirt donning
ticket peddlers who, at first seem to be
trying to pick up a few bucks, but are in
reality just part of a band trying to earn
a little profit, or sadly just break even,
using the tickets they’re forced to sell in
order to play.
Traxx is just one of many venues
that host the mind-bendingly vast Long
Island music scene. Ranging anywhere
from brutal hardcore to riff-heavy
catchy pop, Long Island’s distinct tastes,
mixed with the upper-middle class
budgets, spawn an army of teens, ex-
pensive equipment in hand, who are
trying to get noticed.
On the bitter Sunday of March 1, a
blaringly large amount of bands stuff
themselves into an estimated 8-hour set
at Traxx. One such group, Stony Brook’s
Pembrook, was the fifth to step onstage.
Sal Grisafi, a Stony Brook University
freshman, leads the band with vocals
and is joined by John Enrico, also a
freshman at SBU, on bass, and Kacey
Heiser, Danny Tesoro, and Patrick
Dwyer on drums and guitars respec-
tively, who are still attending high
school. Grisafi views the SBU music
scene as slightly out of touch with that
of the rest of Long Island, saying, “Stony
Brook has the potential to be a powerful
and honest outlet for local music, but
instead were stuck with a cycle of the
same students and limitations imposed
by the TAC.” We took the liberty to
check out what a true Long Island show
involved, taking note of both the good
and the bad.
We arrive at Traxx in time to see the
third of the night. It’s only about twenty
Forget about climbing -
there isn’t even a ladder
after three, but this isn’t a matinee show;
there are maybe eleven bands perform-
ing tonight. Nobody seems sure of the
exact number. Long Island’s high cost of
living is reflected not only in ticket
prices (ten dollars for a local show is ab-
surdly high in most local scenes) but
also in the equipment used by the mu-
sicians – a vintage English-made Or-
ange amp head priced $1500 in one
corner, a Marshall half-stack parked
against a pool table.
As for atmosphere, Traxx is nicer
on the inside than one might expect.
Trendy post-hardcore blares from the
speakers in between sets played on a
stage about three and a half feet high at
one end of the L-shaped room.
Finally at ten minutes to five – 20
minutes late – Pembrook takes the
stage. They are the first of three or four
mid-level bands in the enormous line-
up. The hierarchy of bands is a good il-
lustration of the core of Long Island’s
music scene – an often exploitative net-
work of bands jumping on top of each
other, using each other’s strengths to
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
climb to the top.
Earlier tonight, Grisafi finally man-
aged to sell all of his tickets, which
means Pembrook will be paid $10 for
this show. Unfortunately, bands almost
never make money for their perform-
ances. In most cases, the ticket selling is
demanded of them by the promoters
and often they don’t see a dime of the
ticket-money they earn. Most bands are
happy just to be able to get stage and get
some exposure, even if it’s for the usual
20-30 minutes. “This is the fairest way,
even if it does cause some problems,”
says drummer Kacey Heiser. But the
fact is, most Long Island musicians
don’t know how different music scenes
can be in other areas of the country,
being forced to make the best out of a
rather difficult situation.
When asked about putting on af-
fordable and non-exploitative shows,
such as basement or church shows,
Grisafi says the hardcore bands domi-
nate the DIY scene, which in recent
years has forced many venues to stop
putting on shows due to complications
like “blood on the floor”.
Despite all these negative impedi-
ments in their way, Pembrook takes the
stage with smiles on their faces, draw-
ing a small, but dedicated, crowd of
fans. Pembrook, musically, are a
pepped-up marriage of the new school
of pop punk and the harsh sounds of
post-hardcore. Deriving influence rang-
ing from Death Cab For Cutie and Fall
Out Boy to Chiodos and Saosin, Pem-
brook also give nods to the much-loved
sound of Long Island favorites Bayside
and Taking Back Sunday. Their closer,
“Double Life”, is easily the best song in
terms of not only performance, but also
lyrics and music. They emit a vibrant
energy – going as far as letting friends
sing into the microphone during cho-
ruses – that some of the other bands
lacked. It is this sense of not taking
themselves too seriously and devoting
more to crowd participation and having
fun that gives them a strong edge
against the many other performers.
They recently recorded an EP at
Killingsworth Studio on Long Island
and plan on touring this summer with
their friends Love, Robot, another up-
and-coming LI band.
As Pembrook packs up, everyone
seems satisfied and the show seemed to
have gone well, especially considering
they actually made a profit this time
around. Traxx is still relatively crowded
and will be cycling through bands for
many hours to come, all the while using
the local scene as a means of obtaining
both revenue and bar traffic.
Our first fully immersed Long Is-
land show ends and it’s easy to discern
the many layers of this infamous music
scene. For Pembrook, this was a good
way to get the word out and another
step forward toward a true and record-
label worthy fan base. For promoters, it
was just another day, just another dol-
lar.
The Stony Brook Press
Harlem Shook up the Born Ruffians Before
Tokyo Police Clubbed Everyone to Death and
Raped Vampire Weekend Songs
By Cindy Liu
I am prefacing this review with a
disclaimer that I do not have any sort of
specialized knowledge of the contem-
porary music scene. I am no music
buff. With that said, I was fortunate
enough to go to Webster Hall on Feb. 24
to see Tokyo Police Club and evaluate
the performances as though I were.
Here is some entertaining prose de-
scribing the general atmosphere before
the actual show. On the exponentially
increasingly crowded floor, I had the
chance to witness a 15-year-old boy
gossip about his awkwardly convoluted
high school social life. “She’s a whore,”
the kid concluded, and almost in per-
fect cadence came the “Yeah man, she is
a whore,” from his Yes men.
But the audience wasn’t just com-
posed of bitter high school sophomores.
All around us were yuppies, city college
students, hipsters, and wanna-be hip-
sters galore! Needless to say, we found
Crusty Old Vaginas vs. Shiny Sleek Lotuses
ourselves in good company. We were all
By Julia Clunn
Vaginas were discussed, clitorises
were praised, and cunts were exalted on
Feb. 26 and 27 with Stony Brook Uni-
versity’s annual production of The
Vagina Monologues. The Monologues
are a collection of stories, written by Eve
Ensler, that are based on interviews she
conducted with women across the na-
tion about their vaginas. Each mono-
logue relates to the vagina in some way,
be it through masturbation, love, sex,
rape, orgasm, mutilation or your nick-
name for your “down there.” The
Wo/Men’s and Gender Resource Center
presents this play every year and do-
nates all proceeds to fighting violence
against women. A feminist show to its
core, it proudly trumpets the joys, fears,
and hopes of women’s sexuality while
raising awareness of the violence com-
mitted against women, here and abroad.
This year’s production certainly de-
livered the feminist empowerment.
Some women found their happy spots
without needing man’s help, while oth-
arts&entertainment
set for the head-bopping and torso-
swaying that is so characteristic of cool
shows like these.
First came the Harlem Shakes. A
five-member indie band originating in
Brooklyn three years ago, they have fi-
nally completed their first full-length
album, Technicolor Health, due for re-
lease March 24 under the label Gigantic
Music. After spending days trying to
assess their performance from the per-
spective of an informed scenester, all I
came up with was “happy and clean.”
There was an awful lot of doo-wopping
from the backup vocals, which I think
was meant to incite some sort of musi-
cal nostalgia for the 1950s. “They are
the next Vampire Weekend,” music
critic Jonathan Metzelaar said. Doo-
wopping and second comings aside,
having the Harlem Shakes was a good
way to open up the evening and make
even Bitter Gossip Boy forget about his
troubles. But let me get this out of my
system. Vocalist Lexy Benaim’s voice
sounds exactly like the aliens from Toy
Story. And the Harlem Shakes cite
ers proudly demonstrated differing
“power moans” for orgasm. An inter-
esting point about this show is that each
production may choose to add or sub-
tract monologues as they see fit. Ensler
has been writing new monologues each
year since the show’s original produc-
tion in 1996. The effect is that the play
can be performed each year but be dif-
ferent every time. In truth, this year’s
Monologues did not differ all that much
from last year. It felt a little repetitive.
Even, dare I say, cyclical?
An addition from last year that I
did not particularly enjoy was the
monologue of a woman watching her
daughter give birth. In excessive detail
she recalled the blood, the stretching,
the screaming, and all the other things
I’ve tried to block out of my mind ever
since the Miracle of Life video in seventh
grade. It was realistic to be sure, but ac-
curacy can be lost on the audience if
they are cringing throughout the seg-
ment.
However, the addition of the mono-
logue “They Beat the Girl Out of My
Boy” was an excellent choice. This par-
ticular piece was written from the per-
Randy Newman as one of their musical
influences. Correlation? Listen for
yourself some time.
The Born Ruffians came on at 9
p.m.. It was pretty clear by the time they
came on stage that people attended this
show specifically to see this three-mem-
ber band from Canada. Having never
listened to them before, I thought they
were surprisingly energetic for just
three people on stage. With their con-
trolled energy, they managed to get the
audience clapping and moving to their
songs. Lead singer Luke Lalonde
sounds like Vampire Weekend’s Ezra
Koenig if he inhaled a little bit of helium
and had a severe case of the hiccups.
Strangely enough, this only adds to the
charm of their performance, for they
are characterized by their “yelps” and
their “howlin’.”
Then came the featured act. When
they came on, people cheered, but some
were still screaming for the Born Ruffi-
ans. It wasn’t that Tokyo Police Club
sucked. It was that the Born Ruffians
riled up the audience so much that by
spective of transgender women who
were born as men. It was a bit funny,
sometimes sad, but overall provocative.
It posed the question of what it actually
is to be a woman. Do you have to be
born with a vagina to be female? Ask-
ing questions and exploring the un-
mentionable is the goal of this show and
this segment did a particularly good job
of addressing that issue.
I feel the only major setback of the
production was the expansion of the
cast. Last year’s production had roughly
15-20 performers, each playing a few
roles in the overall show. In contrast,
this production bills 54 performers in
its playbill! Each woman had one part
in a single monologue, and for the re-
mainder of the show they would stand
on stage in the background. Having so
many women onstage at once made the
performance feel crowded and claustro-
phobic at times. [Insert line about your
mom’s crowded vagina here]. What was
even stranger was that while the show
was going on, these women not per-
forming would laugh along and whoop
for the performing girls. It was quite dis-
tracting.
15
the end of their half-hour performance,
there came the unsettling realization
that they were going to be a hard act to
follow. And what’s unfortunate is that
it was true—the intensity of the act
barely equaled that of their openers.
And the band seemed to feel it, too. Al-
most as though they didn’t want to seem
unnecessarily enthusiastic, they main-
tained a cool, reserved air about them
save for the obligatory hopping and
hair-swishing. It is too bad that they set
themselves up for a lackluster perform-
ance.
When the final clapping made
them think we wanted them back on
the stage, they returned with the mem-
bers of the Harlem Shakes and the Born
Ruffians. Together, almost like they
wanted to compensate for the lack of
enthusiasm on the part of the Tokyo Po-
lice Club, they all played some cacoph-
onous, orgiastic experiment that hurt
my brain and sounded like everyone
was gang-raping a Vampire Weekend
song.
Truthfully, I did enjoy last year’s
production more, but in my book any
night filled with feminist empowerment
and supporting a good cause is a night
well spent. I was stirred by the power of
womanhood and feminism that pre-
vailed over the night. Inspired by their
words of wit, wisdom, and woman-
hood, I celebrated the rest of the night
in the best way I know how—by head-
ing to Hooters for some hotwings. Vive
la Femme!
16 This Fortnight in Photos Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Stony Brook Press This Fortnight in Photos 17
18 Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009

You’re Welcome America
By Alex Nagler
George W. Bush’s disapproval rating
was in the mid 70s when he left office,
yet eight times a week since January 20,
he receives a standing ovation at the
Cort Theater on 48th Street between
7th and 8th Avenue in New York City.
This bizarre occurrence has much to do
with the fact that this specific George
W. Bush is portrayed by Will Ferrell in
the Broadway play, “You’re Welcome
America: A Final Night with George W.
Bush.”
Will Ferrell is new to Broadway,
though he has incorporated songs and
dance into some of his movies such as
Step Brothers, Blades of Glory, and
many vintage SNL routines. In 2005, he
found himself singing and goose-step-
ping to Mel Brooks’ “The Producers” as
Franz Liebkind and was nearly courted
by director Susan Stroman to revive the
role on stage. “You’re Welcome Amer-
ica” is Mr. Ferrell’s first foray onto
Broadway, but hopefully it will not be
his last.
Mr. Ferrell’s Bush has been uncere-
moniously dropped off by Marine One
(or whatever the call sign for the heli-
copter bearing a former president is) in
the middle of New York’s theater district
and now finds himself face to face with
an audience of critics. To lighten the
mood, he shows them a picture of his
penis. “Shock and awe, baby,” he laughs.
The first act of this hour and a half,
no intermission play was a biography,
reminding everyone that America’s
most recent cowboy president was born
in Connecticut, went to Andover
Preparatory, Yale (where his nickname
was Gin and Tonic), and Harvard, and
went AWAL in the National Guard for a
year. This year, according to Mr. Ferrell’s
Bush, was spent in Vermont with then-
lover David Rothchild. Always true to
his standup roots, Mr. Ferrell spent a
decent portion of the play engaging
with the audience, asking if there were
any actual Texans in the audience; there
were. When asked what part of Texas
they were from, one replied “Austin.”
Without missing a beat, Mr. Ferrell said
“Austin. Great cocaine back in the 80s.”
All of these things, all of the negative as-
pects of George W. Bush’s life have been
swept under the rug and are not avail-
able for comment as of 1980, when
“Dad” became the Vice President.
Underneath the goofy exterior of
G8 Lampoons and remembrances of
Cabinets past, there is anger. Will Fer- most likely taught about comedy: he re- “Political Science. Hmm… I’m
rell and Adam McKay, Mr. Ferrell’s long quests a moment of silence. And some- gonna call you ‘Studies Useless Mate-
time collaborator, are angry at the past how, the audience obliges. No one rial’”
eight years. So is the audience. The screams “You’re my boy, Blue” or “I’m The audience laughed. I partially
biggest bouts of applause were for any trapped in a glass cage of emotion.” The agreed.
time they were reminded of the simple audience is silent. “And good luck in this job market.”
fact that this man is no longer behind Then the phone rings. Mr. Ferrell’s Bush would later take
the helm of the ship of state. “That Tiger It’s Michael D. Brown, or as the credit for destroying the world’s econ-
Woods guy,” as Bush put it, now is, “and world better remembers him, Brownie. omy.
his speeches are like Shakespeare What follows is a scathing com- “You’re Welcome America” ends its
dipped in sex.” mentary on the disastrous second term limited engagement run on March 15,
But along with the applause, there of the Bush administration, capped off but fret not if you find yourself unable
was one patch of silence. Launching by a bout of nickname giving. The to find a ticket for the next week. HBO
himself into a monologue on whether house lights went up and people were is one of the main producers. Saturday,
or not he ever cries, Mr. Ferrell’s Bush invited to shout out their names and oc- March 14, the performance will be
states that of course he does. The deaths cupations. I volunteered mine, adding broadcast live at 9 pm. Knowing HBO,
of all military personnel and Iraqi citi- that I was a political science major as it will then be rerun from here to eter-
zens are on his watch. And that it’s our the last student, an eighth grader, now nity. And then everyone will have a
job to remember them. What follows is went by the name of “Are You There chance to be shocked and awed at the
opposite of anything Mr. Ferrell was God? It’s Me, Margaret.” image of a presidential penis.

Sleepwalking Into The Future

By Josh Ginsberg
When I think about the
bands I listen to, I think of
them as splitting into two dis-
tinct camps. The bands in the
first camp do big, new things.
They present challenges with
every release and when they
get it right, it can be mind-
blowing. It’s easy to place them
on some elevated level as true
innovators or architects of fu-
ture generations of sonic ex-
ploration. But every once in a
while it’s refreshing to listen to
something straight up, raw, no-
frills, that exists as a result of a
simple formula and gratifies
with simple hooky bliss.
In this case that bliss is
over-driven, punchy and
subtly lo-fi. New Jersey’s
Alex and the Horribles are a
rock band. Their first record’s
ten songs blast through in
something like twenty-two
minutes, ranging from brain-
less rockers to smart (assed)
ballads to tongue-in-cheek
acoustic throwaways. The Hor-
ribles’ second album Sleep-
walking Into The Future is a
significantly stronger record.
Sleepwalking is probably not
going to blow anyone’s mind,
but since it snuck onto my
iTunes, I’ve been listening to
the Horribles’ album very con-
sistently.
It makes sense that at the
forefront of Sleepwalking Into
The Future is Alex. Alex isn’t a
great singer and there are mo-
ments on “Make Out Like
Japanese School Girls” where
he qualifies as a bad one. His
howling, over a bed of chug-
ging guitars which sound like
Green Day covering “In the
Street,” is damn near tone-deaf
but this is just a part of Alex’s
persona. Alex is strangely
aloof; reminiscent of the kind
of mod Pete Townshend would
write an opera about but with
a snotty Americanized side.
Alex’s lyrics are replete with
references to pop music: in fact
one of the album’s best songs
“Dig Up My Soul,” takes its title
The Stony Brook Press Arts & Entertainment 19

Social Art At Stony Brook

One piece in the gallery was of policy. I have more connections to the more political influences. One piece de-
By Matt Calamia Gadoury herself. It showed 30 photo-
graphs of her in her waitressing uni-
result.”
The next piece was a painting of
picted deformed humans drinking from
gasoline cans with cobs of corn at their
form, again showing the repetition in people walking in a line to a cliff ’s edge feet, while another showed people
Stony Brook University is known her own life. “I’m talking about myself,” and falling, like lambs to the slaughter. kneeling up to a Cadillac Escalade,
throughout the world for its successful she said, “and I don’t want to ever be ac- She said the meaning behind it was, which is open to interpretation as to
science and engineering programs, but cused of pointing a finger and saying, “You don’t ever realize the repetition in why they’re doing so.
what about art? ‘This is what you do.’ I do it too, and so the systems you’re involved in every “I used to make art that seemed
Julianne Gadoury, a second year more under the definition of politi-
student in the University’s Masters of cal art,” said Gadoury. “One of the
Fine Arts, has received attention for things I don’t like is how people don’t
her work in the art gallery located in want to hear about politics. That’s
the library, which is rotated every 15 what a lot of my art is about now. It’s
days among the other art students. about being a bystander and not
Her show is entitled “Please Stand wanting to hear about these things.”
By,” and ran from Feb. 25 to March Gadoury feels that because art isn’t
7. a big part of education, people don’t
The artists have 15 days total in appreciate it as much. “I feel that
the room, which includes setting up since we don’t have this instilled
the room for the exhibit, the show value of art from an early age that a
times itself, and the cleanup. At the lot of people aren’t walking into an
end of the 15 days, the room must art gallery and are really intimi-
look exactly the way it did when the dated,” she said. “They feel that
artist started. they’re supposed to walk in here and
“You need to think of the en- get it, and if I don’t get it, that they’re
tirety of the production,” said stupid.”
Gadoury inside the gallery as she Gadoury wants visitors to have
began the moving out process. “I opinions of their own, even if they
only allowed myself three days to in- are completely opposite of her own.
stall. All the pieces were all done be- “I already know why I created these
fore they came in. The setting up works,” she said. “What’s more inter-
Matt Calamia
Gadoury, who began her under- In Memphis, this art would get you lynched.
took about 20 hours total.” esting to me is their interpretation
and what they’re getting out of it.”
graduate art study in the fashion “That is one of the reasons why art
field, focused her exhibit around social does everyone.” day…you repeat and follow what your is so powerful,” she said with a slight
issues and everyday repetition. “I wanted to make sure I was talk- boss says, what your teacher says, what pause. “We’re all different people with
“In our daily lives, we repeat our- ing about things that have affected me the media says.” all different experiences. We all see
selves over and over again,” said personally in my own life,” she added. “I tried to get people to think more things differently. You can look at art-
Gadoury. “We find comfort in it, and “I think of social art as more of a result critically of where they’re getting their work and get 100 different answers.”
that we don’t think outside of what we of things that have happened politically, information from,” said Gadoury.
see outside that zone.” as opposed to things just talking about Other pieces in the gallery had

the best example of guitarists Derek and

SLEEPWALKING continued from page 18
from the most recent Oasis LP.
In a post on the band’s blog, Alex
lists the meanings of all Sleepwalking’s
songs and points out many of the refer-
ences contained. Alex draws inspiration
from The Tibetan Book Of Living and
Dying, Isaac Hayes, Reckoning, Led Zep-
pelin, The Plague Dogs, Pacific Trim EP
and David Lynch. It’s always funny to
catch an unexpected one. Most of the
references are things you’d probably
never notice or read particularly deep
into, but that’s just part of the fun.
Despite seeming disingenuous at
times, Alex writes earnest songs. “Dig
Up My Soul” tells the classic story of a
boy who is the bane of his girlfriend’s fa-
ther’s existence. In this case, he is the
victim of resentment for being a work-
ing class white kid by an upper-middle
class Korean family. “Northern Califor-
nia” is one of the strongest tracks and is
Ramy’s ability to play off each other,
though “Coming Down” might be a bet-
ter example of the interplay between the
entire quintet. “Northern California” is
the longest song on the album, at about
four and half minutes length. Alex is
seemingly unable to decide if he wants
companionship or to be left alone. Its
jam is the peak of tension on the album
but gives way to a nice resolution of
mellowing out and drifting for a while.
The record’s sendoff might be my
favorite song. “O Jin” is an ode to Alex’s
close friend Jin Park and its beginning
half sounds like one of the very Kinks
songs it references. A song about pla-
tonic friendship for about a minute, the
song eventually morphs into a coda that
wouldn’t sound at all out of place on a
Thin Lizzy or Lynard Skynard LP. Alex’s
final words are an off-key scream of
“Teenage wasteland!” which slides into tars wind in harmony as the song fades back up to “Mary X” and start Sleep-
and silence hits. That is, until you scroll walking Into The Future over again.
a falsetto for a few “oohs” and the gui-
20 Arts & Entertainment
Fanboys: The Wait is Nigh
By Sarina LaTorre
These days, fanboy has come to be
an affectionate term referring to overly
obsessed fans and devotees. In other
words, fanboys and girls are the nerds,
geeks and dweebs that debate whether
or not Greedo shot the first and the
proper pronunciation of words in Klin-
gon.
Fanboys are also some of the
biggest critics and can be hard to please.
To be fair, fanboys have just cause to be
so judgmental after so many beloved
characters have been ruined by on-
screen adaptations. Some of the more
recent comic film versions that have
failed miserably are X-Men III, The
Spirit, and Punisher: War Zone. Don’t
even get me started on Spider-Man III.
Adapting comics into coherent films
has had its obstacles through out the
years. Special effects technology limited
a lot of what could be done because lots
of things came off as gimmicky and
cheesy. Also, comic book films were not
taken seriously. However, not every-
thing was bad. In the 80s, Superman
and Tim Burton’s Batman became in-
stant classics. Comic books films have
been seen as a risky gimmick in Holly-
wood. That all changed with the first X-
men film directed by Brian Singer.
Comic book films were no longer seen
as a joke in the film industry, as they
were helpful in aiding a box office reas-
surance. Comic book properties began
being optioned for movie deals and in
the years that followed, fanboys saw
characters like those in The Incredible
Hulk, Fantastic Four, Constantine, and
Sin City. Even indie comics saw big
screen versions, such as Ghost World
and American Splendor.
Last year, the release of The Dark
Two fangirls, Sarina LaTorre and Melissa Sabbatino, at the theatre.
Knight changed the dynamics for comic
book films. Christopher Nolan’s depic-
tion in the revamped telling of Batman,
based on Frank Miller’s run on Batman:
Year One, posed intense questions
about being a hero. The Dark Knight
wasn’t a typical action film, but recog-
nized as an accredited cinematic film.
This followed with accolades and an
Oscar win for Heath Ledger’s portrayal
of the Joker. Dark Knight was also an
example of how technology and the au-
dience have reached a new level of so-
phistication and understanding of the
genre.
Last year when The Dark Knight was re-
leased, a trailer was shown during the
previews that got the movie world
buzzing with intrigue. This, of course,
was the trailer for Watchmen. There was
such a large response, not just from the
comic book community, but also from
mainstream movie going audiences.
Bookstores immediately had to stock up
on copies of the graphic novel.
For those that didn’t or still don’t
understand the hype around Watchmen,
it is the Citizen Kane of comic books.
Some fanboys and girls, like myself,
were skeptical. This could potentially be
really amazing or could also be horri-
ble. Writer of the graphic novel, Alan
Moore is known for cursing any film
adaptation of his work. After all, this
was the same guy that wrote League of
Extraordinary Gentleman which was a
major disappointment as a film. Major
Hollywood liberties were taken. Moore
also didn’t want his name attached to
the film version of V for Vendetta.
Other factors that questioned the
plausibility of a Watchmen movie were
the politics in Hollywood. Movie stu-
dios have been trying to make this film
for the past 20 years. Many argued that
Watchmen is so rich in detail and is
such a layered story that it seemed im-
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Rorschachʼs journal March 6..Dr. Pepper...scrumptious
possible to make. That was until direc-
tor Zack Snyder, took on the challenge
of filming the unfilmable Watchmen
after it was offered to him, following his
work on 300. He accepted because he
felt it was his responsibility before the
studio let it fall into the wrong hands.
This pompous attitude worried fans,
who were concerned that they would be
seeing a highly stylized Watchmen, with
similar techniques seen in 300, such as
the overused slow motion effect.
Snyder had also said something
along the lines that the movie would be
for people that have not read the
graphic novel. This got many fans won-
dering if this was a film for them or for
mainstream audiences. Snyder came
under more scrutiny when it was leaked
that there would be an alternate ending
and the meta comic, The Black
Freighter, would be totally absent from
the film. These alterations to the story
could drastically change it.
Many fanboys and girls were ex-
cited and nervous as I was before seeing
it. I was there at midnight at Lowes
Stony Brook, wearing a Sally Jupiter
style Silk Specter outfit waiting on line
with several Rorschachs and kids hold-
ing signs saying, “The End is Nigh.” The
event was a true example of nerdiness
as the preview trailers for Star Trek,
Transformers, and Harry Potter and the
Half Blood Prince were met with praise
and applause. There was even a gentle-
men walking up and down the aisles,
flashing $40 and asking if anyone
wanted to switch seats, in order to have
an optimum viewing experience in
IMAX.
Both fans and movie industry folk
have had mixed early reviews. As for the
fanboys: to those of you who haven’t
seen or were disappointed, here is some
advice and a different way of looking at
it. I for one loved it. Of course the en-
Sarina LaTorre
tire film wasn’t going to be verbatim,
panel for panel translating to shot for
shot. The opening was amazing and
pretty close to the comic. After seeing
the film I reached for my copy and
picked out what was in it and what was
left out. Minor things were altered, such
as Rorschach’s visit to Veidt and one of
my friend’s favorite lines from Sally
Jupiter to Laurie, “You’re the one sleep-
ing with an H-bomb.” One of the
biggest things left out was the news-
stand in the city. This was important to
the graphic novel because it served as
the Greek chorus, letting the reader
know that this was an alternate reality
and how the everyday person was feel-
ing about the political climate and
threat of impending doom. These
scenes were filmed and Zack Snyder en-
sured fans that it will all be in an ex-
tended edition DVD. This will also
include Tales from the Black Freighter,
the allegorical comic within the comic.
A separate version of The Black
Freighter is set to be released at the end
of the month. It was slightly disap-
pointing that these elements didn’t
make it into the theatrical version, but
fans have to understand that films aren’t
like comics. If you want a shot for shot
version, the final film would be
ridiculsy long, probably around the 24-
hour mark. Despite this, Zack Snyder
did the best he could.
Reading Watchmen was an experi-
ence. It posed so many questions as it
deconstructed the concept of the hero.
Watching the Watchmen was an experi-
ence I am glad to have witnessed. It
sounds nerdy, but when you fall in love
with a story and a character on the page,
you get a giddy excitement seeing them
being brought to life on screen. Fanboys
have been waiting a long time for this
moment – their wait is nigh.
The Stony Brook Press
The Many Faces of D’lo
by Liz Kaufman
Going in to see “D’lo: Reflections
and Rambles While Relevating Revolu-
tionaries” at the Wang Center, I had no
idea what to expect. All I knew was that
D’lo stated in her program that she
would use spoken word, art and com-
edy, and “[would] leave you with your
head cracked open.” She also stated that
“relevating” wasn’t a word.
The show started off with jokes,
which led into some serious spoken
word poetry. Often D’lo interjected
with random, unpredictable jokes, tal-
ents, like doing a trick with her tongue,
and stories out of nowhere.
The audience was tossed between
hilarious comedies to a sudden de-
pressing low. It felt as though I never
saw the next topic coming, making this
show quite unique.
D’lo spoke of stories from childhood,
both painful and happy; stories of grow-
ing up in an immigrant family and
being of color; stories about fighting ig-
norance and the need to change how
certain groups are viewed; and the most
important message, of how love and
peace, which she refers to as “spiritual,”
are essential for making someone a rev-
olutionary.
I learned about Sri Lanka. I never
really knew where it was or the wars
and turmoil currently going on there
until I saw this performance. D’lo
strongly identifies with her Sri Lankan
heritage and discussed what it means to
live in an immigrant family suddenly
being exposed to the values of America,
while turning their new home into an
extension of their old one. The humor
in these stories created a bond with the
artist and drew the audience in. She im-
itated her mother and father, joked
about being a kid in her a family, and
how she was “quite the striking young
lad.” Then a depressing tale of D’lo’s
family losing her sister was dropped like
a bomb.
This was probably the most inspir-
ing and effective tactic D’lo used to get
Dan Woulfin - Courtesy of The Wang Center
her message across: we can all share in
the feelings of others and feel con-
nected. We can feel as though we are a
part of their life. Once everyone felt this
connection, we all experienced the sor-
row of death. D’lo said that if everyone
felt connected to each other and re-
membered everyone was human and
felt the same outside the production,
there would be less hate. This is what it
means to be a true revolutionary.
The gay community was brought up
halfway through the show and sexual
jokes were in full swing. At first, it
seemed like only part of the audience
was laughing sincerely- mainly the
LGBTA. Like everything else, though,
D’lo eased everyone into the humor,
stressing it was perfectly fine to laugh at
these things and people should. We are
often afraid to touch upon these topics
because of the fear of what could hap-
pen. She then made everyone an hono-
ray gay /lesbian/ vegetarian/
transgender/ revolutionary and gave us
permission to laugh now that we were
part of that community.
Now, I’ve got to admit that I was
somewhat uncomfortable at first. I will
occasionally drop an innuendo, but
prior to the show, I wasn’t all too com-
fortable making sexual jokes like D’lo
did. (“What do you call a lesbian di-
nosaur? –A Lickalotapus”) I guess my
main concern was that it was wrong to
make such jokes and I was surprised
that after being there, I saw things dif-
ferently. It changed my mind about
what is and is not correct and what
should and should not be accepted in
society. The same with how to deal with
controversial topics like the gay/les-
bian/transgender communities. If we
did talk about things more, instead of
labeling them taboo and giving people a
reason to hate what is different, there
really would be more peace in this
world. But that doesn’t just go for
LGBTA.
After the show I was able to get an
interview with D’lo. She stressed that
her point in life is to spread the message
of the LGBTA community and those of
color or race that aren’t completely ac-
cepted. That doesn’t mean that other
causes and people aren’t groups we need
to recognize.
When asked about how she felt
about the conditions and treatment of
those with mental illness and the dis-
crimination directed against them, D’lo
agreed that everyone should have the
Arts & Entertainment 21
opportunity to live in a way that doesn’t
separate them from the rest of society,
but it isn’t her destiny to fight the entire
world- just the cause she feels destined
to defend. It’s not that she doesn’t rec-
ognize other groups need a revolution-
ary to help them, she can only do what
she was meant to do. “Revolutionaries
are supposed to help and be helped. The
world needs more revolutionaries and
has a lot of work in front of it.”
The most influential statement she
made while we spoke was that anger is
necessary, though she does maintain a
calm, Zen appearance. We all need
anger, no matter what group we’re in.
The important thing to remember is
this: “Just because another person is
happy, it doesn’t make us worse off or
affect our lives.”
I loved this show and highly rec-
ommend it. You will leave with a
changed perspective and see things dif-
ferently, even if it’s just slightly. If we
think in the way D’lo does, the world
would be far better off and people
would be at peace with themselves
rather than making war against every-
one else.
“Feel me, you felt me. You did-
n’t…you’re dumb.”
Dan Woulfin - Courtesy of The Wang Center
22 Arts & Entertainment
Dawn of War II - The RTS For The Rest Of Us
By Kenny Mahoney
Dawn of War II is a real-time strat-
egy (RTS) game for the PC from devel-
oper Relic Entertainment, famous for its
work on the original Dawn of War and
their World War II themed RTS, Com-
pany of Heroes. Through these games,
Relic has proven itself more than capa-
ble of crafting a great game, and Dawn
of War II is no exception.
Before I go any further, let me say
this - DOWII does a lot of things differ-
ently from many other current RTS
games – things that, in my opin-
ion, make the game more acces-
sible for the casual player while
focusing the gameplay on what
matters most – combat.
1. No base building
In most RTS games, the
game begins with your control-
ling a couple of buildings, and
having to build more buildings in
order to produce soldiers, tanks
and planes, then having to build
better buildings to build better
soldiers, tanks and planes and on
and on. As you can tell, this can
become pretty daunting and ups
the complexity level to unneces-
sary heights. After all, I thought
I bought this game so I could
play as a badass space soldier, not
a construction site’s foreman.
2. No Resource Gathering
In order to build the afore-
mentioned buildings and sol-
diers, normally you’d have to
gather resources like oil, electric-
ity, space crystals or whatever.
Not here. In the single player
campaign you have everything
you need to get going, so there’s
no bullshit about having to construct
additional pylons to get on with the
mission.
3. Small Armies
Most RTS games will have you at-
tempt to gather the most resources to
build the most buildings so that you can
build more dudes than the other guy
and hopefully overwhelm them in sheer
numbers. Basically, it turns into a digi-
tal pissing contest. DOWII instead has
you control a small group of squads and
have them strategically complete objec-
tives and take out enemies in the most
efficient way possible, without getting
overwhelmed by having to handle a ton
of units.
The game is set in space during the
Warhammer 40,000:
41st millennium, full of humans and
aliens all fighting for control over cer-
tain planets. The single-player cam-
paign puts you in control of the Blood
Ravens, a group of human space
marines with voices like gravel and
faces that look like they‘ve been hit with
a hot bag of nickels. Basically, they’re
just like every badass in every other
videogame you’ve ever played. Interest-
ingly enough, the Dawn of War series
actually stems from a tabletop role-
playing game (Warhammer 40,000)
with a very rich back story, so if you’re
the type of person who gets engrossed
in stories, there’s plenty for you to enjoy.
For the rest of us, it’s just a game where
a bunch of dudes in space shoot at each
other, and that’s enough for me.
As mentioned earlier, you control a
small number of squads, and these
squads include your avatar/hero char-
acter, the squad commander. As you
take on this role of squad commander, it
is your job to tell your squads where to
move, what to attack, what to take cover
behind, and what abilities to use. Not
only do you just command, you also get
to kick some serious ass, as your squad
commander is able to take on such a
large amount of enemies that it’s as if
you‘re engaged in an interstellar tickle-
fight as opposed to a war for humanity.
As far as your other squads go, you
have a healthy assortment of different
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
squads each with their own unique ca-
pabilities. You’ve got your heavy
weapons guys, who can dish out a lot of
firepower but move like turtles, your
stealth squad that can turn invisible for
brief periods but have armor like tissue
paper, and your jump squad – dudes
with jetpacks who can jump across the
battlefield and slice up your enemies
with their chainswords (chainsaw +
sword, you get it, right?).
Your squads aren’t invincible, how-
ever, and will occasionally die. But,
since you have no means of creating any
other units because of the lack of a base,
Relic has come up with a new solution
to your problem. During each mission,
there are certain relay beacons you can
capture. If some of your units die, you
just have to capture a beacon to have ad-
ditional units beamed in from space.
And, if some of your more important
units fall in combat, such as your squad
commander, all you have to do is click
on their bodies and wait for them to
come back to life. Think of it as having
your cursor give a nice shoulder rub to
your teammates, magically convincing
them to continue to fight.
Although you only have a select
number of squads to choose from, the
game offers its variety in the experience
system and the wargear (a.k.a. loot) that
you acquire as you play. Through play-
ing missions, your squads earn experi-
ence that allows them to level up. With
these points, you allocate them towards
upgrades in the amount of health they
have, the damage they do, and also spe-
cial traits and abilities – pretty standard
fare for anyone who has ever played a
role-playing game. Wargear is usually
a reward for completing a mission or is
dropped at random by enemies and
bosses, and comes in the form of
weapons, armor, and special items like
grenades or deployable turrets. Col-
lecting wargear is a really enjoyable part
of the game. It’s always exciting to find
out what cool stuff you’ve picked up at
the end of a mission, then playing dress-
up as you outfit your guys in
the mission select screen.
Unfortunately, most of the mis-
sions you’ll be doing are pretty
much the same. Move to a lo-
cation on the map, murder
everything in sight, and kill the
boss. That’s right; this is an RTS
with boss battles. Like all
bosses, they’ve got a ton of
health that you and your squads
have to work together to take
down, but it usually proves to
be a pretty shallow experience
as most of the bosses can be de-
feated almost the same way (by
shooting it a lot). The missions
that do change up this formula
from time to time are few and
far between, so if you’re not too
keen on the space-marine story,
the campaign mode can get
very dull very fast. Also, seeing
as there is only one story yet
four different races presented in
the game, if you’re bored of
playing as the Blood Ravens
your only other option is mul-
tiplayer.
Multiplayer, while still very good in
its own right, is a completely different
ballgame from the single player. In mul-
tiplayer you have the option to control
the four races presented in the game.
You can still kick it with the Humans, or
you can try out the Orcs, the Eldar, and
the Tyranids, each of which has their
own unique and different squads/sol-
diers, which the game totally neglects to
teach you. This can be very frustrating
when you want to play a new race, as
you’ll need a lot of practice time play-
ing against the computer before you
have the balls to jump online with real
people. I’m not saying its impossible,
but a tutorial would have been nice.
The multiplayer uses a matchmaking
system for you to find opponents, sim-
The Stony Brook Press Arts & Entertainment 23
DAWN OF WAR II continued

ilar to the ones seen in Halo or Call of
Duty. Most games can be completed in
10-30 minutes, which is perfect for
those of us who don’t have two hours to
sit in front of the computer to play one
multiplayer match (like many other
RTS games). One nice addition to the
multiplayer is that it includes an army
painter that allows you to customize the
colors of your armor when you go into
battle.
Remember when I said that there
were no bases or resources in this game?
I lied. Only in multiplayer does the
dreaded base beast rear its ugly head,
but it’s not too big of a deal. You’ve only
got one building where everything is
created, and you generate resources by
capturing points on the map, so you
don’t have to order a unit to make trips
back and forth between the base and the
resources to collect them. It doesn’t feel
like a burden, though, as your base is al-
ways one click away, and unit upgrades
The game isn’t without its
problems, however. Sometimes control-
ling your squads doesn’t feel as accurate
as it should (I mean, c’mon, why would
I ask you to take cover in front of some-
thing?!). Multiplayer can also at times
be unforgiving, because if you choose
the wrong upgrade for a squad or build
the wrong unit, that’s often the differ-
ence between winning and losing. Also,
the repetitive campaign and voice act-
ing does start to become grating after a
while.
This all might sound a bit too con-
fusing for someone who isn’t a hardcore
RTS player. However, this game comes
off as surprisingly easy to handle. The
fewer number of squads makes it easier
to manage, as you don‘t have hundreds
of units to command all in different
places across the map. Also, the lack of
base building in single player means
you can focus more on your squads
without having to babysit a base. For the
back for the multiplayer.
Each race is varied
enough that it gives you a
different feel for the game,
and the maps and game
types are fun and work
well.
All in all, the game is a
blast, and I recommend
anyone that enjoyed the
original Dawn of War or
Company of Heroes to
check it out. Also, I’d rec-
ommend this game for
someone who wants to
play an RTS, but doesn’t
have years of experience
watching videos on the
Internet of Koreans play-
ing Starcraft. So, if the
stale storyline and minor
hiccups in gameplay can
be overlooked, you’re
That armor is probably pretty heavy. Oh, you Space Marines
going to have a great time

Jimmy Fallon Is No Conan.

are easy to manage once you figure out hardcore crowd, you may not get your with Dawn of War II.
what’s what. fill of single player, but you’ll be coming

But Then, Who Is?

By Nick Statt
As Jimmy Fallon wraps up his first
week at Late Night, many die-hard fans
of Conan O’Brien and his antics, which
lasted 16 years at the 11:30 P.M. slot on
NBC, are left to nit-pick and criticize
the new host. Personally, I think he
sucks. But looking at it in retrospect,
who’s really fit to fill O’Brien’s shoes?
Conan O’Brien, after gaining an in-
sanely dedicated fan base as the follow-
ing act to Jay Leno, is finally stepping up
to the plate he so wholly deserves: The
Tonight Show. The one show every
Johnny Carson fan drooled over for
years, and the one show that Leno used
to stomp his opponents in the ratings is
being handed to the most lovable man
in late night television; and it feels so
right. Yet, at the same time, gnawing at
the back of my mind is a bittersweet
twinge concerning what O’Brien has ul-
timately to leave behind – his legacy. He
knew it when he accepted the invitation
that his old home would be thrown to
the sharks of big-league network execs
and that it would be up to them to de-
cide who would don the late night mask
and attempt to entertain viewers in the
competitive hell that surrounds those
time slots.
When news of Jimmy Fallon’s re-
placement of O’Brien hit the papers, I
really didn’t know what to think. My
thoughts of Fallon at the time involved
a hyperactive SNL junkie who was only
fit to take on personalities dramatically
different than his own. After sitting
through a week of watching his show,
you really can’t help but tear the guy
apart.
The very first episode was an utter
disaster in terms of making the audi-
ence comfortable. Fallon failed to inter-
view any of his guests genuinely, relying
completely on what seemed to be pre-
organized bits that just felt awkward
and cheesy. Some of them garnered a
few laughs, but the unfortunate down-
side was that they almost always in-
volved his house band, The Roots. Yes,
if you didn’t know before, you know
now. Fallon’s house band is The freakin’
Roots. Settling down after years of
being an incredibly talented and
Grammy-nabbing hip-hop group, the
Phili six-piece is taking on the house
band role to catch their breath. They
made for some hilarious bits, but as
Conan O’Brien quickly discovered in
his beginning years with The Max
Weinberg 7, relying too much on the
same joke can kill the charisma. Don’t
get me wrong, it was funny when Fallon
asked Questlove if he was acquainted
with the term ‘bromance’ and even fun-
nier when, on their first episode, Black
Though repeated Fallon over some
smooth instrumentals in a bit called
“Slow-jamming the news.” But Fallon
better not over-do it because it can be
very easy to bore your audience with
repetition, especially in the late night
business.
As for Fallon himself, he just does-
n’t seem to fit the part. In spite of Fal-
lon’s probably nerves during his first
week, his tone seemed off the whole
time. Seeing him sitting behind a desk,
wearing an honest-to-god suit, just
made me smile and chuckle. I won’t go
into too many specifics and just say that
overall, Fallon’s performance felt too
much like one of his SNL skits, with a
sneering punch line that involves the
audience actually taking the man seri-
ously.
Despite my disapproval of Fallon
and his first week, I honestly can’t gripe
about the choice. In the realm of charis-
Boooooooo!
matic personalities, I can’t think of any-
one who could fill the shoes of Conan,
mainly because in the end it doesn’t re-
ally matter. Some say that Jon Stewart
should have been given the offer, or a
more notable comedian with the rating-
swaying power of a guy like Demetri
Martin. The argument is trivial though.
Fans of Late Night watched it not be-
cause it was Late Night, but because of
the name tagged on the end. O’Brien is
moving on and so will his viewers and
his replacement will spawn their own
supporters and critics. Fallon happened
to be that guy and the end result of any
criticism can be met with a simple state-
ment: just don’t watch’ em. I intend to
take my own advice, and it’ll be easy in
the realm of television where the press
of button tears down what was there
and rebuilds a new entertainment-hun-
gry center. Until Conan hits TV sets this
summer, I’ll watch Jimmy Kimmel or
read a book or something. The rest is up
to the critics.
24 Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Stony Brook Press 25
26 Comics Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Haikus To Obama:
On Barack Obama’s first day as President, he overhauled the White House website to include a new public participatory feature: You can now leave comments! There’s
one catch though: the comments are limited in length and formatting. All comments must be 3 lines, with 5 syllables on the first and last line, and 7 syllables in the mid-
dle. This unconventional limitation makes it difficult to get a substantial point across, so we here at The Press decided to hold a contest for the best comments. Here
are this week’s winners! Well, just one winner this time. Congratulations, Matt Willemain of Synecdoche, New York! You made a clean sweep this week, winning every
single category.

Threatening a war—
In international law
Defense procurement Read the NIE
It is forbidden.
Your appointee’s background is: (National Intelligence
Former lobbyist? Estimate—from spooks).

Some strong words about They have no weapons. False pretense for war
Supposed Iranian They have no weapons program. (You were wrong about this, too):
Nuclear weapons. What are you smoking? It’s impeachable.

Send your comments to Obama at whitehouse.gov/contact! But forward them to us to be included in next week’s contest!
sbpressnews@gmail.com
The Stony Brook Press
Make your opinion heard! Write for The Stony Brook Press.
My Mourning Commute
By Roberto Moya
My earliest class starts at 9:35 A.M.
It’s not an unreasonable time for those
who live on campus but for train com-
muters like me, 9:35 A.M. spells out the
exact reverse, 5:39 A.M. or more accu-
rately, 5:30 A.M. – the time my alarm
clock goes off. Three hours of what
could have been precious sleep is lost to
my dependence on the Long Island Rail
Road.
A countless number of problems
could be attributed to the LIRR’s hap-
hazard way of running things. For
starters, the Port Jefferson line runs on
a widely-spaced schedule, which means
that if I unfortunately happen to miss
the 6:39 train, it’ll be another good two
hours before the next one arrives. This
is very inconvenient considering the
fact that I cannot shape my schedule to
my liking, but instead to the rather er-
ratic schedule of the LIRR.
I catch the morning train in
Hicksville, and another displeasure I
can easily complain of is the hideous ap-
pearance of their train station. A decay-
ing pair of broad platforms run parallel
to each other, both highly elevated from
ground level providing passengers the
temporary entertainment of traffic and
pedestrians below.
More sources of entertainment in-
clude the affable company of cooing pi-
geons and an inescapable display of
annoying advertisements. Except when
humorous mustaches, missing teeth
and oversized penises are drawn on the
faces of ad models, the Hicksville train
station is nothing short of a depressing
reminder that at a time not too long
ago, I had the choice to live on campus.
I almost forgot to mention the var-
ious television sets scattered throughout
both platforms. Before they played the
news, but now all they’re good for is fix-
ing your hair using the glass’ reflection.
Great investment.
Transfers are inevitable. What’s
worse than fighting the urge to sleep in
the train is having to get up and stand
in the freezing cold for what seems like
forever. When the train eventually ar-
rives, it’s a childish race to see who can
gain first entry accompanied by push-
ing, shoving, groping and bad breath.
The only perk is that we get to ride the
double-decker. Joy.
One nice thing I can say about the
LIRR is its paranoid attention to pas-
senger safety. They make it almost im-
possible for anyone with common sense
to fall into the “gap,” the LIRR’s favorite
Sheʼs a cold, unforgiving beast.
word. The gap that divides the train and
the platform before entry is a less than
foot-long space that most people seem
automatically trained to step over – the
result of the LIRR’s establishment of
ubiquitous gap reminders. These re-
minders are almost too omnipresent to
the point that they imply a mockery of
our intelligence. Of course I would step
into the gap. Losing your foot nowa-
days is only the newest fad!
Instead, the LIRR should balance its
efforts on safety to encompass both
physical hazards and public safety. Most
commuters are familiar with the phrase,
“If you see something, say something.”
If the LIRR assumes that we’re sensible
enough to know that that “something”
is a bomb, then why not apply that same
assumption to the apparent presence of
the gap. I don’t understand.
Now for the dreamy proposals. In-
stead of two-hour waits between train
arrivals, why not resolve the problem
with half hour waits using a fewer num-
ber of cars? That way, passengers can
get more sleep. Well-rested passengers
equal happier passengers which equal
hefty profits. Think about it, LIRR.
As for the unattractive atmosphere
of the Hicksville station, a simple reno-
vation would do. A fresh paint job, rust
removal, garbage cleanup and plenty of
Febreze to rid the air of urine stink is
not too much to ask for. But of course,
the LIRR would rather use our hard-
earned money to pay Alec Baldwin to
utter a few words on “gap” safety.
Speaking of “gap” safety, if the gap
is such a dangerous hazard, then why
not create a train-door whose lower
portion would lower like a drawbridge?
Perhaps such a courageous leap in train-
door design would prove to be a bit
pricey, but wouldn’t Mayor Bloomberg’s
expensive promenade project ruin the
very essence of Time Square’s hectic ap-
peal?
Are these proposals truly dreamy,
or is pragmatic a more appropriate
word? In contrast to the economic cli-
mate, these problems are but mere mi-
croscopic problems, which, if resolved,
would at least make not just student
commuters but all LIRR customers less
pessimistic about their morning com-
mute. But I hope you’ve noticed by now,
these are only exterior complaints.
Recently, the LIRR sent a survey to
their customers asking them to rate
their service. To my surprise, one ques-
tion implied the possibility of a quiet
section. I would cry if the LIRR made a
quiet section. When it’s 7 o’clock in the
morning, the only sound present should
be the whirring hum of train wheels.
Morning chatter is just rude. I could un-
derstand if most passengers were in
deep conversation with friends, cell
phones, or themselves, but when it’s
close to dead silence, train etiquette at
that point is obvious.
I was pleased to see that the LIRR
took heed to the issue of noise pollu-
tion, but what about the pollution re-
sponsible for disgusting those who wish
Opinion 27
Meetings Wednesdays 1pm
Union Building Room 060
Roman Sheydvasser
to sit? Ancient apple cores and banana
skins, flowing rivers of coffee, and
mucus-infested tissues are a few exam-
ples. I couldn’t identify any of the oth-
ers.
Trash receptacles are nonexistent
on LIRR trains, which could explain
why commuters often find themselves
in sticky situations. It’s too inconvenient
to get up and deposit trash in the rest-
room or outside at a stop, so the next
best thing is the hidden crevice between
window and seat. It’s obvious that these
trains were designed by men who live
on their couches.
Another reason why seats can’t be
sat in is because passengers leave their
baggage in the adjacent seat. The ques-
tion is whether this seat-hogging is in-
tentional or not. In the morning, you
can’t really tell when everyone looks like
the Republican Party during President
Obama’s address to Congress. But who
am I to complain? I do it too. Fortu-
nately, the conductors are aggressive in
handling this problem. I have noticed,
though, that the farther east the train
route, the more blithe the conductors
tend to be.
About an hour later and the train fi-
nally arrives at Stony Brook, the most
popular stop on the Port Jefferson line.
In fact, because it is so popular, the
LIRR ought to implement an express
run for just Stony Brook goers. I would
cry if the LIRR did this too. Student
commuters, after all, are the reason why
Port Jefferson trains see the light of day.
28 Opinion
American Democracy Might Need a Little Health Care
Before America’s Un- and Underinsured Can Get Theirs
By Matt Willemain
Apparently reluctant to say that
President Obama was a liar, the Hunger
Action Network of New York State
(HANYS) decided to “call on President
Obama to be Truthful with the Ameri-
can People.” HANYS is a 27-year old
statewide antipoverty activist group, ac-
cessible online at www.hungeraction-
nys.org/. HANYS, advocating for a
single payer universal health care sys-
tem to cover every single one of the tens
of millions of Americans without health
insurance, implied that the President
was being dishonest in a press release
critical of Obama’s national leadership
in the health care policy debate. The
question of the President’s honesty in
this situation has serious implications
on the way national decisions, with
huge impacts on our lives, are made.
The March 6 press release echoed a
similar criticism made on the advocacy-
journalism radio program Democracy
Now that same morning. The day be-
fore, Thursday, March 5, Obama had
convened a high profile White House
health care summit with 120 “stake-
holders” to kickstart the policy making
process. Both HANYS and Democracy
Now co-anchor and New York Daily
News columnist, Juan Gonzalez, noticed
an inconsistency in the Obama admin-
istration’s statements. In the lofty rhet-
oric of his opening remarks, written to
sound good on television, Obama said
that, “every voice has to be heard. Every
idea must be considered. Every option
must be on the table.” But other public
statements by the President and his al-
lies and, tellingly, their actions, suggest
that the minds of Obama and others in
Washington aren’t quite so open to find-
ing the best solution, wherever it may
be.
For his part, the President has al-
ready ruled out the single payer system
preferred by HANYS. “The President
doesn’t believe that’s the best way to
achieve the goal of cutting costs and in-
creasing access,” explained White
House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs in
the March 6 daily press briefing. Sen-
ate Finance Committee Chair Max Bau-
cus, a Democratic leader in the inner
circle shaping proposals in congress, has
been more direct, issuing flat rejections
of the single payer proposal. In a mirror
image of Obama’s words, for example,
Baucus declared single payer “off the
table” in public appearances he made
travelling his home state.
The actions of these Washington
insiders add even more weight to their
words. Press Secretary Gibbs joked
with reporters that the White House
wasn’t the Washington Nationals’ ball-
park, in order to apologize for the lim-
its on who could be invited to the
“Why is President
Obama lying about
hearing everyone out
and considering each
proposal?”
summit. But with 120 seats to fill,
Obama’s bias was exposed by his choice
of house guests. The administration
was careful to invite the selfish special
interests most vocally opposed to single
payer, for-profit insurers and pharma-
ceutical companies. At the same time,
they initially invited no supporters of
single payer, whatsoever. Long-serving
Congressman John Conyers, Chair of
the House Judiciary Committee and the
sponsor of HR 676, a single payer bill
with broad support (100 cosponsors in
the last House session), had to beg his
way in. Facing protests, eventually
Obama allowed Conyers and one single
payer activist a seat.
Embarrassingly, Senator Baucus
was caught trying to bully congressional
bean counters into fudging the numbers
to make proposals like his and Obama’s
look better.
What’s going on here? Why is Pres-
ident Obama lying about hearing every-
one out and considering each proposal?
Why is Senator Baucus trying to “ad-
just” the facts?
The Democratic leadership is
caught up in some serious cognitive dis-
sonance because the fix is in on making
the wrong decision for America. Single
payer, similar to the health care system
used by virtually ever other wealthy
country in the world, is an overwhelm-
ing winner. After exhaustive studies
and debate, the evidence is in, single
payer is without a doubt the best way to
both take care of everyone in America
and control costs at the same time. The
arguments articulated by single payer
advocates, like Physicians for a National
Health Program (www.pnhp.org) can’t
be beaten in any fair fight. The analysis
of experts is in line with the popular
will; clear majorities of doctors, health
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
economists and the general public all
support single payer.
Even Obama seems to know that
single payer is the right thing to do. As
HANYS points out in their press re-
lease, Obama representatives have ad-
mitted that if “he was starting from
scratch” he would choose single payer.
Luke Mitchell, Senior Editor at Harper’s
Magazine, and a guest on that Democ-
racy Now broadcast, found even more
evidence that Obama knows what he
ought to be doing. In his Harper’s arti-
cle “Sick in the Head: Why America
Won’t Get the Health Care System it
Needs,” Mitchell reports:
“I happen to be a proponent of
a single-payer health-care pro-
gram,” Barack Obama said in
2003. “As all of us know, we
may not get there immediately.
Because first we have to take
back the White House, we have
to take back the Senate, we have
to take back the House.”… And
now that Democrats have the
White House, the Senate, and
the House, it is clear that a sin-
gle-payer program is not a part
of their agenda.
Not everyone supports single payer,
however. Influential campaign donors
and media oligopolists, for example, op-
pose the system. That Washington in-
siders are poised to once again defer to
these interests and knowingly enact bad
policy speaks volumes about the glaring
deficiencies in the instruments and
practices of our democracy. The mar-
ketplace of ideas—the idea that candi-
dates who champion ideas with merit
will win out in an open competition for
votes—has been distorted beyond
recognition by monopolies of power
that perversely limit which candidates
and lines of inquiry are allowed into the
conversation.
Writing in the Sunday Washington
Post, Dan Egger reported how the
“health sector has donated millions to
lawmakers.” While the health care in-
dustry has “long ranked with financial
services and energy interests as one of
the most powerful political forces in
Washington, and it spent nearly $1 bil-
lion on lobbying in the past two years
alone,” as Eggen reports, in the past four
years they have stepped up their dona-
tions to candidates’ campaign funds.
The Post story is based on a report
by Consumer Watchdog (a nonprofit
consumer education and advocacy
group online at www.consumerwatch-
dog.org) which analyzed federal elec-
tion data and counted the campaign
donations from health insurance and
drug companies to the ten lawmakers in
each house who received the most such
legalized bribes. Those twenty individ-
uals alone raked in more than $5.5 mil-
lion. Senator Baucus, for example, was
at the front of the pack, with $400,000
of his campaign funds coming from
these special interests.
At the same time, newspapers and
television news programs are white-
washing single payer out of the picture.
Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting
(FAIR), a media watchdog organization
accessible online at www.fair.org,
searched through all major national
newspapers and news programs on
ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox News, CNN,
MSNBC, NPR and the PBS News Hour
for the week leading up to the health
care summit. FAIR found hundreds of
stories about health care policy, and a
grand total of five of those stories in-
cluded the perspective of supporters of
single payer.
Given all the evidence and popular
support for single payer (FAIR cites one
recent opinion poll that finds the public
prefers single payer by a 2-1 margin),
the challenge HANYS issued to Obama
in their press release is a tricky one. If
Obama, Baucus, and others of their ilk
in Washington, are honest, they will
have to admit that they are ignoring sin-
“‘...it is clear that a
single-payer program
is not a part of [the
Democrats’] agenda.’”
gle payer in their search for a health care
policy. If they make that admission,
they will have no leg to stand on, and
will be forced to consider it. Once sin-
gle payer is in the mix, and assuming
Baucus doesn’t cheat and get the data
changed to suit his preferred results,
they will have no choice but to support
single payer. It is the best solution for
America’s health care needs. But if they
support single payer, what will happen
to the regular infusions of millions of
dollars from the tiny, selfish minority of
single payer opponents—money they
count on to help them buy the crooked
elections that put them in power?
The Stony Brook Press Opinion 29

Single-Payer Health Care and You:

What Everybody Ought to Know
www.pnhp.org at a glance
By Nick Eaton & Physicians for a National Health Plan (PNHP) is one of many organizations advocating for a single payer uni-
Matt Willemain versal health care system for the US, and their web page is a wealth of resources.

A single payer system is like the health care plan in Canada. Private,
for-profit health insurance companies would be replaced by one Medicare-like
program which would provide insurance, for every medical need, equally to
everyone. This system would be different from those of England and France,
where the government is in charge of doctors. Under single payer, the United
PNHP is an organization of 16,000 doctors. Since 1987, their one pur-
States would still have a free market for care—doctors would still be in private
pose is to support a single payer program.
business and consumers would be free to choose whichever doctor was best. Vir-
Resources on the PNHP web page describe the many reasons why a single
tually every wealthy nation in the world provides its citizens with universal pub-
payer system is the best option:
lic health insurance of one kind or another.

• Currently, tens of millions of us have no health insurance whatsoever, and
many more have inadequate insurance that doesn’t cover our medical needs. Sin-
gle payer is the moral choice because it takes care of everyone.
• In the midst of financial crisis, single payer is by far the cheapest and most
efficient health care system.
• Equal insurance for all would help fix disturbing, ongoing racial disparities
in medical care.
• Medical crises are a huge cause of personal bankruptcies—even among peo-
ple with some health insurance.
• With the current system, the US performs poorly compared to other coun-
tries on measures of health care, such as infant mortality, life expectancy, immu-
nization rates, &tc.
• By making things easier for employers, who generally provide private health
insurance now, single payer would be great for small businesses and the creation
or retention of jobs.
• Under single payer, doctors would make decisions about what procedures a
patient needs with their first priority being good medicine, instead of insurers
making decisions with their first priority being making money by denying care.
• One government insurer buying drugs in bulk would have the negotiating
power to buy drugs much cheaper.
• Single payer would dramatically reduce the cost of malpractice and mal-
practice insurance.

The web page also includes links to careful research backing up the “What is HR676?” you may ask. Good
doctors’ arguments, including studies on these topics:
Question. Here are some brief facts:
• The wasteful administrative overhead in our current system eats up 31% of HR 676 is a bill introduced
health care spending—Canada’s system only spends 17% on administration. The by John Conyers which lays out a plan
money we are wasting ($350 million a year) is enough to provide insurance to for single payer health care in Amer-
everyone who currently has none. ica. Single payer health care entails es-
• Medical bills contribute to half of all personal bankruptcies. Of those peo- tablishing a public insurance provider
ple who went bankrupt, three quarters had some health insurance when they got while maintaining private health care
sick or hurt. facilities and clinics. Proponents state
• We already pay the world’s highest health care taxes without getting the that single payer health care, which
health care other countries’ citizens get. Our health care system is already 60% covers all American citizens for all
paid for by taxes. Businesses pay less than 20% of our “privately financed” health medical necessities, is not only the
care. most humane system (reducing the
• Canadians spend less on health care than we do, but they are healthier and inequalities created by a pay-to-play
have better access to doctors. system) but is also the cheapest over-
• For-profit hospitals, nursing homes and HMOs are less efficient than non- all. The program is largely funded by
profits—they pay higher costs and, for the most part, provide lower quality. tax revenue but recent Nobel Laure-
• Bogeymen like immigrants and abuse of the emergency room are not the ate in the field of economics, Paul
reason for spiraling health care costs. Krugman, said that “the taxes that
• People without insurance don’t get the care they need—one third of unin- would support single-payer aren’t a
sured adults have chronic illnesses and aren’t getting care. true cost, because they would simply
• Innovations like the computerizations of medical records and chronic dis- replace premiums and in most cases
ease management don’t save much money, and they don’t compare as a cost sav- be lower than those premiums.”
ing measure to adopting single payer.
• Alternative “universal health care” systems, other than single payer, like “Private physicians, private clinics, and private health care providers
those tried by states like Massachusetts, don’t work. They haven’t actually gotten shall continue to operate as private entities…” Essentially: Americans will con-
medical insurance to everyone. tinue to be treated at privately owned and operated facilities but will be provided
a full range of health benefits from a solitary, public insurance provider. Private
Still itching for more? check out the website for insurance providers may continue to cover those aspects not covered by the
USNHC Program, such as cosmetic dentistry, and will be fully compensated for
tons more information, including info on how to get their conversion into non-profit entities (if they wish to continue providing the
active and support it. Check it out at pnhp.org! full range of coverage) but not for loss of profits.
30 Sports
Stony Brook Ice Hockey Qualifies for
By Matthew Calamia
The Stony Brook Men’s Ice Hockey
team has qualified for the American
Collegiate Hockey Association national
championship tournament in Gates
Mills, Ohio.
The top 16 teams in the ACHA, a
league formed in 1991 for teams across
the country that are not funded by their
college or university, will meet in Ohio
from March 14-18 to crown a cham-
pion.
In his first season as Stony Brook
head coach, former professional player
in the New York Rangers organization
Buzz DesChamps led the Seawolves to
a 21-11 record, including five wins over
top 10 teams, after a disappointing 0-5
start. They finished 2nd in their divi-
sion, and 14th overall in the nation.
Coach DesChamps describes his
team’s style of play as high tempo. “We
have a lot of good scorers on our team,”
said DesChamps. “Angelo is a good
National Championship
scorer, and so is [forward] Chris Ryan.
“We like to forecheck hard, and we
like our defenseman to carry the puck a
lot. That’s the system, and it seems to
work for us.”
The Angelo that DesChamps is re-
ferring to is senior co-captain Angelo
Serse, who led the team this season with
49 points in just 30 games, and feels
confident facing the Seawolves’ first
round opponent, 3rd ranked Delaware.
“We feel really confident,” said
Serse from inside the Seawolves’ locker
room before a 10:30 p.m. practice at the
Rinx. “In the first round we have
Delaware, and we beat them, then lost
to them in overtime, so we feel really
comfortable going in there. We just
have to be focused, and hopefully we
have a good playoff this coming week-
end, and then into nationals.”
Coach DesChamps agrees with
Serse on their opening round matchup.
“You have to take one game at a time,”
he said. “I think we match up real well
Vol. XXX, Issue 10 | Wednesday, March 11, 2009
against Delaware. Our goaltender
[Derek] Stevens has just been excellent.
He’s held the whole team together.
“I think we have better goaltending,
better defenseman, and maybe two lines
a little better than them. Anything can
happen in a hockey game.”
Senior defenseman and assistant
captain Dan Capizzuto believes that
after the team’s slow start, followed by
the run they had later in the season,
they’ve been the top dog on campus.
“Many would argue that we were the
best team at Stony Brook, period,” said
Capizzuto. “There was no other team
that could compete with us; in our
league or at that school.
“We had our ups and downs, but we
pulled though, and we’re going to na-
tionals,” he said with pride.
Stony Brook has plenty of reason to
be confident. This season, the Sea-
wolves sent five players to the Eastern
Collegiate Hockey Association all-star
game, including Serse, Capizzuto and
goaltender Derek Stevens. Serse and
Capizzuto have also been the interest of
scouts from the National Hockey
League.
Although not funded by Stony
Brook, many in the community have
shown their support for the Seawolves
this season, which play their home
games at the Rinx in Hauppauge, which
is ten miles from campus. According to
the Seawolves’ Public Relation’s Direc-
tor Kris LaGrange, the Stony Brook
hockey team had more total attendance
in fifteen home games than men and
women’s basketball combined; both of
which play directly on campus.
Capizzuto said having such support
from both students and the community
helped the team through the season.
“We get the students that drive the ten
or fifteen minutes from campus to the
games,” he said. “We also get people
from the community. A lot of little kids
that love hockey come to see the heart
and the atmosphere. It’s good to touch
people’s lives like that, and give them
some sort of entertainment, other than
just watching the Islanders on televi-
sion. It’s a step in the right direction.”
The Stony Brook Press
Alexander the Great?
By Jason Wirchin
She asked the questions. He an-
swered them – each one with a boyish
smirk and a hint of narcissism. O n
December 2007, CBS News’ Katie
Couric, script in hand, grilled New York
Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez
in a now infamous episode of 60 Min-
utes.
Twas an interview for the ages, as
Rodriguez, speaking days after the
Mitchell Report disclosed the names of
more than 80 Major League players ac-
cused of steroid involvement, openly re-
fused his use of illegal drugs.
“For the record, have you ever used
steroids, human growth hormone or
any other performance-enhancing sub-
stance?” Couric asked.
“No,” Rodriguez replied.
Liar.
“Have you ever been tempted to use
any of those things?” Couric asked
again.
“No,” Rodriguez replied.
Liar.
“Given this controversy, Alex, who
do you think has the real home run
record? Barry Bonds at 762 or Hank
Aaron at 755?” Couric continued.
“Well, I think Barry Bonds. He has
762,” said Rodriguez.
“But, he has an asterisk next to his
name.” Couric responded.
“Does he?” Rodriguez quipped.
“Not yet.”
Neither did he. Until now.
When reports surfaced in early
February that A-Rod had used two an-
abolic steroids – Primobolan and testos-
terone – from 2001 through 2003 as a
member of the Texas Rangers, Ro-
driguez found himself in the same
shunned-upon category as Bonds,
McGwire, and Sosa.
Each a gargantuan power slugger,
these clean-up men went from fan fa-
vorites to mistrusted media bull’s eyes.
Their reputations have been tainted and
their names will forever be associated
with the prospect of cheating.
This reality sticks particularly hard
with Rodriguez, who was seen as one of
the lone saviors left to break Bonds’ all-
time home run record without the help
of drugs.
Major League Baseball officials are
unlikely to impose a penalty on A-Rod
since the substances he took were not
banned until 2004. Still, he’s only added
more controversy to an already confus-
ing résumé.
Before the 2001 season, he signed a
colossal 10-year, $252 million contract
with Texas. In 2004, he was traded to
the Yankees – an example of the
Bombers buying out another egotistical,
clubhouse-dismantling superstar.
Notorious for his lame October
baseball, Rodriguez was the center of a
bizarre play down the first base line
during the 2004 ALCS, and failed to hit
for average in every postseason appear-
ance.
In 2007, despite leading all of base-
ball in homers, runs, and RBI, Ro-
driguez decided to opt out of his
Sports 31
contract with New York. Oddly
enough, he resigned with the Yankees
later that offseason with another 10-
year contract, this one worth a whop-
ping $275 million.
His alleged affair with Madonna
and late night stints with an anonymous
blonde were also front page news, as
was the divorce from his wife, Cynthia.
Then there was his unexplained
fickleness over which team to play for
in the 2006 World Baseball Classic – the
United States or the Dominican Repub-
lic.
Add to this list his latest steroid
mêlée, and Rodriguez makes for quite
the character. He’s a magnet for atten-
tion, but he doesn’t seem to care. He’s a
pretty boy and a conceited celebrity
high on his own pride.
Nevertheless, fans cannot ignore
the obvious. To many New Yorkers and
baseball enthusiasts around the country,
A-Rod is the game’s greatest player, re-
gardless of his spotty past. His three
MVP awards are a testament to his on-
field successes.
A look at the numbers, however,
might curb their enthusiasm. Ro-
driguez hit more home runs from 2001
to 2003 than he did during any other
three-year span in his career. In 2002,
he hit a career-high 57 dingers, a feat he
came close to, but never topped, in
2007.
He might appear scary at the plate,
pitchers might quiver in his presence,
but the only person this Alexander is
conquering is himself.
Death Egg Zone