2 Vol.
XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009
news
Oh, the Humanity!
By Natalie Crnosija
The Undergraduate Student Gov-
ernment’s Supreme Court unanimously
ruled on March 30 that this year’s only
presidential candidate was permitted to
campaign, and essentially win the USG
presidency, after his candidacy was ini-
tially disqualified by the USG Constitu-
tion’s incongruous election bylaws.   because that number could be used to
Presidential Candidate Jasper Wil-
son’s signed petitions, the requirement
for a student to become eligible for USG
campaign funding, were disqualified
based on the use of SOLAR ID numbers
in the place of the required NetID num-
bers on the petition forms, said Kate
Patestas, the chair of the USG election
committee.  Although Wilson had col-
lected 421 signatures in total, 30 of Wil-
son’s signators had put their SOLAR ID
numbers in the place of NetID num-
bers.  Though the USG election bylaws
do require SOLAR ID numbers for can-
didacy petitions, the petition forms re-
quire NetIDs. Patestas, who followed
the election bylaws’ NetID requirement,
disqualified Wilson on that basis.  The
reason for the invalidation of the
SOLAR ID number requirement exists
steal students’ identities and should be
struck from the bylaws, Senator Adam
Kent said.
“The election bylaws are an unmit-
igated mess,” stated Senator Kevin
Brady at the March 26. USG Senate
meeting.  “There is a contradiction in
the section as to how a petition is vali-
dated.  Keep in mind that if there is no
elected president, the consequence is
that the executive vice president will be-
come the president for the entire fol-
lowing year.”
The terms of vacancy would require
governmental reshuffling in late Octo-
ber, a task which the current Senate was
not eager to support.
Brady, who would later act as Wil-
son’s advocate during the March 30
hearing, expressed his dissatisfaction
with the bylaws but said the situation
was only a glitch in the bureaucratic
process, not a failure and could be cor-
rected.
There were five other candidates
who had been rejected by the same pe-
tition conflicts as Wilson, Patestas
said. Following the court’s ruling, these
perspective candidates will have to in-
dividually appeal to the elections com-
mittee to be recognized as candidates
and receive campaign funds.  “We will do another sweep through the
Alternatively, Senator Shamell
Forbes argued that the privilege being
extended to Wilson’s uncontested can-
didacy was unfair because other per-
spective candidates were rejected
because they were vying for contested
seats in the Senate.
“It is unfair to open the election up
for vacancies and reject others in simi-
lar situations in contested races,” Forbes
said.
Senator Aharon Eliezer Benelyahoo
joined in the criticism, saying that a
dangerous electoral appeals precedent
could be established by accepting Wil-
son’s candidacy.
Benelyahoo and Senator Syed Haq
both pointed out that Wilson’s fate did
not fall under the Senate’s jurisdiction.
This, however, did not halt the debate.
“We can make corrections to the
bylaws,” Haq said.  “But we cannot do
anything until the court rules.”
The amendments to this section of
the election bylaws were drafted prior
to the election but the Senate’s executive
council has yet to amend the contradic-
tory sections that require only NetIDs.
“The amendments should be
passed by the end of the academic year
so this will not happen again,” Executive
Vice President Geeta Malieckal said.
bylaws before the end of the semester.”
The elections bylaws conflict post-
poned the campaigning process for all
candidates by nearly a week.
“Everyone was victimized by this
situation,” Brady said. “But rules are
rules, right?”
The Stony Brook Press
Stony Brook Miami: Red Hot
By Najib Aminy
First there was Stony Brook Man-
hattan. Then there was Stony Brook
Southampton. Now there is Stony
Brook Miami.
After months of deliberation, Stony
Brook University is in the final stages of
acquiring the financially-challenged
Florida International University and
adding it to its staple of campuses, ac-
cording to an official close to President
Shirley Strum Kenny.
“The move was made to expand
Stony Brook’s name and provide stu-
dents with a cost-effective education
not just in the New York area but also in
Florida,” said the official, who asked to
remain anonymous for leaking the in-
formation. “This acquisition will not
only increase the vast amounts of prop-
erty Stony Brook has but will increase
the amount of income the university
rakes in.”
The takeover follows a number of
budget cuts that have affected both uni-
versities. Florida International Univer-
sity was hit hardest when a number of
its programs had been cut along with
faculty and administration freezes.
“To allow the best academic setting
for our students we had no option but
to look into a possible merger or even
acquisition with another university,”
said Michael Rodrigo, an FIU public re-
lations officer. Rodrigo neither con-
firmed nor denied SBU’s involvement
with a possible acquisition.
The financial cost of the acquisition
has yet to be released but sources close
to the deal are speculating the cost to be
somewhere between $370 million and
$400 million, a bargain price for a com-
petitive school. “It’s a buyers market,”
the anonymous source said.
Just last winter, SBU received large
donations from Renaissance Technol-
3
features
ogy’s founder Jim Simons and
leading scientist Henry Laufer,
who donated roughly $70 million.
Stony Brook had also announced
reaching $300 million in its capital
drive.
SBU, whose last attempt for ex-
pansion died with the failure of
Touro Law School, had been eye-
ing a number of institutions until
coming across the troubled FIU
campus. The current faculty and
administration at FIU will be kept
intact, according to the SBU offi-
cial, however, some changes will be
made.
For one, the school’s motto will
be altered from “A first-class first
class,” to “We are red hot!” Addi-
tionally, the athletic program will
follow Stony Brook’s scheme of red
and gray and change the mascot
from a panther to a seawolf.
Opened in 1972, Florida Inter-
national University has grown to
the nation’s 25th largest university,
based on enrollment, with a size of
32,000 undergraduates and
roughly 6,000 graduate students.
Like SBU, FIU is a commuter
school located near some of the
world’s most populated shorelines.
Stony Brook Miami is scheduled to
open in fall 2009. New Yorkers can
expect to pay an in-state tuition
like Floridians.
“At this point all that needs to
be done is dot the ‘i’s’ and cross the
‘t’s,” the official said.
Students may begin registering
for classes sometime during late-
April and early-May, according to
the Stony Brook official. Graduate
programs are also offered from
nursing, marine sciences, journal-
ism and theatrical avant-garde.
The acquisition announce-
ment is expected in early May.
 4 Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Editorial Board
Executive Editor
editorials
James Laudano
Managing Editor
Andrew Fraley
Associate Editor
We’re not Saying We’re Bitter...
Najib Aminy
Spring Break is upon us, and for But this is all just par for the course, relocated due to renovations to the
Business Manager those of us lucky enough to be stuck on right? People are supposed to go home Sports Complex, which never actually
Katie Knowlton
campus for the week, this can mean a for Spring Break, and the unlucky souls happened. I-CON isn’t coming back
Production Manager number of things. To start, it means that who are stuck here for the week are in next year either. It may never be back.
Tia Mansouri you’re stuck in a virtual ghost town for the very small minority. But has anyone So now we have a gym that’s not reno-
News Editors a week, with absolutely nothing to do. else noticed that this is starting to apply vated, and an enjoyable weekend event
Natalie Crnosija Campus dining halls have shorter to not just holidays, but weekends too? that no longer exists on campus.
Cindy Liu
hours, if they’re even open at all. Some Shorter campus dining hours, almost Without getting too sidetracked, we
Features Editor buildings, like the Student Union, close no weekend events, etc. It’s almost as if would just like to say thank you, Shirley
Alex Nagler at the wee hours of 6pm. A building, the school were discouraging student Strum Kenny, and thank you, Stony
Arts Editor built for students with taxpayer money, life during the weekend, and not just the Brook University administrators, for
Kelly Yu won’t even stay open for the poor out- holidays. But that’s not what Shirley making Stony Brook University such a
Photo Editor of-staters and international students Strum Kenny has said. She’s claimed dismal place to be, not only during
Roman Sheydvasser with nothing to do. Not that it really time and again that we’re a true resident school, but on the weekend too. We pre-
Liz Kaufman matters; over the years the Union has college, with a robust weekend life. We dict a couple top spots in the next
Copy Editors been stripped of almost everything that tend to disagree, Shirley. Another good Princeton Review “Least Happy Stu-
Ross Barkan made it an enjoyable place to frequent example of this is the noticeable lack of dents” category. Go Stony Brook Uni-
Erin Mansfield
(if you don’t know what we mean, ask I-CON this year. One of the few long- versity!
Webmaster yourself why it’s called ‘club alley’). standing traditions at this school was
Chris Williams
Audiomaster
Andrew Fraley
Ombudsman
Jowy Romano
We Be the Fourth Estate...
You would think that with 32 peo- busy texting at meetings and trying to A better question is: why is only
ple running for USG Senate, at least two figure out how to defund us for hurting one person running to be the head of an
thirds of them could be bothered to get your feelings to respond, but come on. almost 3 million dollar organization?
Minister of Archives
Jesse Schopefer back to us when we sent out an email There is no reason that more people Are things really that bad within the
requesting that they answer four simple couldn’t have responded to this. USG that only one person can hold
questions. But no. Our main issue isn’t with the new their nose and jump? Why is it that the
Layout Design by
Jowy Romano We’ve only had seven responses to people who’ve decided they want to only person running for this position is
our four simple questions. And that’s enter the madhouse and play with the a complete outsider with no experience
not including the multiple vice presi- loonies who didn’t respond to our inside USG, but plenty of experience
Staff dent positions, many of which have query; it’s with those who are already outside running a successful club? This
only one candidate running for them there. As stated, the numerous vice could have something with current
Kotei Aoki Frank Loiaccono
Ross Barkan Kenny Mahoney from the existing Senate. We under- president positions are uncontested by President Jeffrey Akita’s decision to not
Vincent Barone Justin Meltzer
Raina Bedford James Messina
stand that you’ve been annoyed at us existing members of the USG. These are run for a second term at the deadline,
Matt Braunstein Steve McLinden ever since we started detailing your people who have nothing to lose by an- forcing all those he had initially cor-
Tony Cai Samantha Monteleone
J.C. Chan Roberto Moya foibles again with the USG Update and swering a few questions as to what they ralled into not running against him to
Doug Cion Frank Myles
Whiskers T. Clown Amyl Nitrate that some of the more thickheaded plan to do that could be any different stick by their pledges and abstain from
Laura Cooper
Caroline D’Agati
Chris Oliveri
Ben van Overmeier
members in your organization are too than what’s been done in the past. running for president all together.
Krystal DeJesus Laura Paesano
Eric DiGiovanni Grace Pak
Joe Donato Rob Pearsall
Nick Eaton Jon Pu
Michael Felder Aamer Qureshi
Caitlin Ferrell Kristine Renigen
Vincent Michael Festa Dave Robin
Joe Filippazzo Jessica Rybak
Ilyssa Fuchs Joe Safdia
Rob Gilheany Natalie Schultz
David Knockout Ginn Jonathan Singer
Joanna Goodman Nick Statt
Jennifer Hand Rose Slupski
Stephanie Hayes John Tucker
Andrew Jacob Lena Tumasyan
Liz Kaempf Marcel Votlucka
Elizabeth Kaplan Alex Walsh
Jack Katsman Brian Wasser
Yong Kim Matt Willemain
Rebecca Kleinhaut Jason Wirchin
Iris Lin Jie Jenny Zou

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by The Stony Brook Press, a student run non-profit or-
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The Stony Brook Press 5
E-mail your letters to sbpressnews@gmail.com letters
Election Season Madness
The election season so far has been a disaster. The USG’s own Supreme Court had to step in to declare that the
sole presidential candidate was actually eligible due to the number of the signatures on his petition being improperly
formatted. The ruling came down to what the definition of a signature was, which in essence dove into how absolutely
atrocious the organization controlling our money files its own paperwork. It all came down to the wording of a bylaw
differentiating NetID versus SOLAR number.
This delay, thanks to bickering over the meaning of the words, cost the election almost a week in campaigning
time, which subsequently cost us time in trying to put this together. It’s amazing that the USG is upset that clubs won’t
communicate with them when they can’t even realize how disorganized they are.
Please pay attention to those who did respond to our questions. These are the ones who at least took the time
to write us back. We may not agree with some of responses, but they took the time to tell us and to tell our readers what
they’re thinking and how they plan to serve the students.
To those who of you who emailed other people in USG asking if it was alright if you answered the four sim-
ple questions and then didn’t take the time to write to us after having things clarified, we have this to say to you. Please
be aware that the Stony Brook Press is indeed a separate entity of the USG Board of Elections, but also that we make
up something more important than any elections board: those you serve.
Free Pressalujha.

April Fooled
Ever seen those ads asking if you’re “pregnant and scared?” Imagine for a moment that you were pregnant and
scared; this might seem like the perfect place to turn to. With little money or resources, you would go to this clinic
where they could provide you with assistance navigating the options you’re considering. Unfortunately, the chances are
you’d be fooled.
In reality, many of these centers attempt to coerce and intimidate women out of considering abortion as an op-
tion, and prevent women from receiving neutral and comprehensive medical advice. They are Crisis Pregnancy Cen-
ters (CPCs), sometimes operating under names like The Women’s Health Center or Pregnancy Resource Center. Unlike
comprehensive women’s health centers, these clinics are typically operated by anti-choice or faith-based organizations,
staffed only by untrained volunteers. They commonly disseminate medically inaccurate information tainted by their
strong opposition to abortion and birth control.
CPCs tend to target their advertising on college campuses across the country, and often misrepresent their serv-
ices to make young women believe the CPCs offer professional counseling, pre-natal care and other options. The anti-
choice organizations running these clinics commonly offer free pregnancy tests and counseling, but rarely offer medical
care or have actual medical personnel on staff. In addition to the fact that the volunteers do not offer comprehensive
options as a part of their counseling, the time and resources it would take for a young woman to go to this clinic could
risk her health, and potentially compromise her pregnancy.
According to a 2008 survey conducted by the Feminist Majority Foundation, 48% of responding Campus Health
Centers include CPCs on their referral lists for students facing unintended pregnancies. Generally, the referrals do not
specify the services offered, and thousands of women each year are referred to these clinics under false pretenses.
The deception doesn’t end there though. A 2006 Congressional investigation of CPCs receiving funding through
President Bush’s faith-based Compassion Capital Fund revealed that 87% provided false or misleading information about
the health effects of abortion. Some of the medically inaccurate information included claims that abortions increase the
risk of breast cancer, result in sterility, and lead to suicide and “post-abortion syndrome.” After visiting CPCs, many
women report they’ve been told that condoms and other contraceptives are ineffective and there are reports of false re-
sults from pregnancy tests, putting the health of these women at great risk.
Over the last ten years, Congress has funneled over $1.1 billion in federal dollars to failed abstinence-only ed-
ucation programs and so-called crisis pregnancy centers. These clinics received a boom in funding through the 1996
welfare reform act (Title V), which allocated $50 million a year in state block grants to fund abstinence-only programs.
Under the Bush Administration, there was another dramatic increase in abstinence-only funding; in 2008, over $176 mil-
lion was appropriated to these organizations - including CPCs - despite studies commissioned by the U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services showing abstinence-only programs to be ineffective. Beyond our borders, President
Bush mandated that at least 1/3 of the $15 billion initiative to combat HIV/AIDS globally in 2003 be spent on abstinence-
only and faith-based programs.
More recently however, Congress passed the 2009 Omnibus spending bill which reduced federal funding for do-
mestic abstinence-only education, some of which goes to “fake” clinics, by $14 million. However there is still plenty of
work to be done. Regardless of ideology, we must work together to expose these so-called health centers that are put-
ting young women’s lives and health at risk. Several states are considering bills that would specify that these centers are
not medical centers, and these legislative efforts would further establish a set of standards that must be met in order for
any facility to represent itself as a medical center. The ultimate goal, however, is to allow the scientific and medical facts
to speak for themselves – that these clinics are dangerous and ineffective, and the stream of federal funding to all absti-
nence-only programs must be stopped.
It’s imperative that we work together to safeguard women’s health. Visit the Feminist Majority Foundation for
more information and to get active at http://www.feministcampus.org/act/cpc/default.asp. The Stony Brook Feminist
Majority Leadership Alliance will be tabling, armed with information and goodies to share, as well as a petition to sign
to make your voice heard, in the Union on April 13 from 12-2pm. Request an ad
Have you been fooled? Share your story and help protect our community! E-mail us at sbufmla@gmail.com, or packet:
come to a Feminist Majority Leadership Alliance meeting, every Tuesday at 8:15pm in the Stony Brook Union, room 223.
 6 Features
USG Election Season Extravaganza!
The heated battle for Executive Vice President!
John Krischenski in the Blue Cor-
ner
By Natalie Crnosija
Junior John Kriscenski, a candidate
for the 2009-2010 Undergraduate Stu-
dent Government executive vice presi-
dency, said he believes that he can
contribute the most to Stony Brook
University through his election by re-
forming communication between USG
and its clubs.
“As your Executive Vice President
I will work to simplify the complex
rules that leave many in our clubs baf-
fled and confused,” Kriscenski said. “I
will work to increase the communica-
tion between the USG and the students
on campus that is so desperately
needed.”
A USG senator in his second term,
Kriscenski views the role of the execu-
tive vice president to be the moderator
of the USG Senate but said he will use
the role to insure that clubs and stu-
dents remain informed about Senate
rulings and activities.
“Communication is a necessary
component for any legislative body and
as the chair of the Senate, no club will
feel le in the dark,” Kriscenski said.
“Few students even know that the USG
offers free legal advice or free tutoring
services right now. ese are the assets
of the student government that all stu-
dents should know about and should
be able to take advantage of.”
Kriscenski cites the current lack of
communication between the USG Sen-
ate and students as one of the sources
of student apathy at SBU. Increasing
financial and academic pressures are
the other sources of student indiffer-
ence which Kriscenski hopes to remedy
by campaigning against the proposed
14-credit minimum for students to
qualify for the New York State Tuition
Assistance Program. He also plans to
streamline USG financial bylaws to
make them more understandable to
clubs and facilitate communication be-
tween the clubs and USG.
“I understand the frustration club
leaders feel when they go to apply for a
budget, only to learn that are missing
documents that they never were noti-
fied were not on file,” Kriscenski said.
In response to criticisms of the
Senate, Kriscenski defended the cur-
rent administration, saying that the 22-
member legislative body’s attendance,
conduct and efficiency has much im-
proved over the years.
“Attendance at Senate meetings
Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009
was so low at one point that we barely
met the two-thirds requirement to pass
the USG budget,” Kriscenski said. “It
used to take Polity an hour to approve
its agenda. e current Senate’s atten-
dance is good and we get stuff done.”
Kriscenski attributed the achieve-
ments of the current Senate to the
moderation of current Executive Vice
President Geeta Malieckal, who
Kriscenski worked with as the Senate’s
president pro tempore.
“She made my job very easy,
Kriscenski said. “She had firm control
of the Senate and got stuff done.”
Kriscenski said the main problem
within the current Senate is that sena-
tors do not know how to expedite leg-
islation or solve problems efficiently.
“We need to work on getting things
off the ground,” Kriscenski said. “I
would institute training for senators so
they understand the bylaws more com-
prehensively…I would also try to insti-
tute a unanimous concensus, which
would expedite the approval of min-
utes. We would be more effective if we
got to a quicker start.”
Kriscenski believes that his experi-
ence in the Senate and his work with
legislation makes him a better candi-
date than opponent Alan Suchecki, the
Vice President of Clubs and Public Re-
lations.
e SBU Clubs and Organizations
website, which is Suchecki’s responsi-
bility, has been a source of complaints
for many clubs, according to a source
who preferred to remain unidentified.
“[Suchecki] is a strong opponent
and a nice guy and he is very good at
making fliers for events,” Kriscenski
said. “But I have more experience with
the Senate.”
Kriscenski cites his record as a
moderate, hardworking senator and
president pro tempore as ideal qualifi-
cations for the executive vice presi-
dency.
“ese qualities are essential
for a successful executive vice president
and if you elect me, I’ll use them to
make the Senate and the USG the most
fair and effective it can be.”
Alan Suchecki in the Red Corner of control…further actions have
By Erin Jayne Mansfield
Alan Suchecki, who has been the
Vice President of Communications for
over a year now, is running to be Exec-
utive Vice President, the highest con-
tested election in the Undergraduate
Student Government this year.
The main job of the Executive Vice
President is to preside over the Senate
meetings, which many have alleged
tend to become disorganized and un-
professional. He said he “would not be
cracking down” as much as others have
in the past, saying that senators still
need to be treated like adults.
“I would express my discontent but
at the same time not give out conse-
quences.” He added, “If things get out
David Mazza
Running for Vice President of Commu-
nications and Public Relations
Why are you running for this position?
I'm running alone for the VP of Com-
munications and Public Relations be-
cause nobody else was nearly as capable
or willing. My boss Alan Suchecki is
vying for the Executive VP spot, and I
will slip into his chair as he moves on.
What changes do you plan to make if
elected?
Before you continue to read, keep in
mind that you have no choice in this
matter, because everyone else on cam-
pus was too apathetic to run against
me. Whether or not you like the
changes I plan to make, they will be
made. I could just as easily sit back and
Elections Feature reported by
Natalie Crnosija and Erin Jayne Mansfield
Editors Note: Somehow these candidates are more qualfied than the
majority of everyone else running. ey managed to respond to an
email and answer a few questions. USG, go big or go home.
to be taken.”
One of his goals, he says, is to work
to improve the Student Activities
Board: “The problem is that the events
on campus cater to only a small part of
the student body. We need to organize
events that bring students together.”
While working as the Vice Presi-
dent of Communications, he said that
he would often think to himself, “I’m
promoting them, but at the same time,
I would not go to them.” Suchecki men-
tioned that a possible solution would be
a direct feedback method with which
students could vote for events they pre-
ferred.
The other is to create a new Un-
dergraduate Student Government web-
site because, “It’s not up to the students’
standards.” This year, he hired David
Mazza to be his assistant to help him fix
it. “I’m going to go along with what he
wants,” Suchecki said.
Among the intended changes are
updated contact information and office
hours of USG members, and a social
networking component for groups to
advertise their events online. “Our goal
is to have this whole thing done by the
end of the semester,” he said.
“John and I are both very qualified
for this job,” he said. “What it has to
come down to is who can lead better.”
do nothing, but I prefer to pretend
that this is a competition.
I will create a Stony Brook Social Net-
work focused around events. Students
and clubs will create profiles on this
network, and post events. is isn't just
an empty promise like the rest of the
crap from these candidates, I have al-
ready done it. Sign up now at
http://sbulife.com for a preview of your
new network. See davidmazza.net for
more information, and thank you for
your vote.
The Stony Brook Press Features 7

USG Election Season Extravaganza!

Tahir Ahmad
Running for Senate
Why are you running for this
position?
I am running for this position
first and foremost because I feel
that things could be done more
effectively by the Senators at
USG, primarily their relation-
ship with other clubs and or-
ganizations. As a member for a
USG Funded organization for
the past two years I feel that we
have had little to no interaction
by any of the Senators. I feel I
can be one of those Senators
that can extend my reach to
those clubs and organizations
and can offer them something,
even if it's just a word of in-
Keith Tilley
Running for Senate
Why are you running for this po-
sition?
Simply put, I am running to be a
USG Senator because I want to
change how the USG operates it-
self. From what I understand, the
USG is filled with dedicated and
hard working individuals but, as
a whole, it lacks a certain Trans-
parent and Proactive Approach
that is necessary for constructive
governing. I think the USG has
gotten the bad reputation of just
being an ATM for Clubs, who’s
inner workings remain a mystery
to the Student Body and I want
OUR government to be more
than that.
What changes do you plan to
make if elected?
I have several key initiatives that
I plan on working on. As I have
already said, I want to change
how the USG works, I want to
Advocate for student interests,
not just allocate funds. I, also,
quiry on a particular issue that
they may be having, or a simple
request that can be looked into.
I am also running because I feel
I have the leadership skills to
actively be involved in the Sen-
ate and can raise questions and
give input leading to innova-
tion and great ideas.
What changes do you plan to
make if elected?
It is not feasible for me to
have current plans to work
on overhauling the USG website
with the future VP of Communi-
cations, David Mazza, so that the
student body can be well in-
formed on what is going on
around campus. Finally, I prom-
ise to work on certain issues like
transportation on and off cam-
pus, getting better student events
(guest lectures, concerts, come-
dians, dances, debates, etc.) that
will have mass appeal and I want
to reach out to local businesses
and restaurants to find a way for
students to use their Meal Plan
Cards off campus. You can find
out more details on the Student
Advocates for USG Facebook
Group.
promise any changes as a
senator alone because it would
be out of my reach to do so. It
is up to the senate community
as a whole to help implement
changes through legislation
that benefits clubs and organi-
zations, and the student body
in general. As a senator how-
ever I do promise to work
proactively with my colleagues,
to attend all of the senate meet-
ings, to reach out to both clubs
and organizations and students
to ask them what I may do for
them, or what they would like
to see on campus and will go on
from there to relay this to the
senate and work with them col-
lectively to act ensure that these
visions are implemented into
our campus life.
Moiz Khan
Running for Senate
Why are you running for this po-
sition?
A few decades ago, Stony Brook
was considered the Berkeley of
the East, the current state of
Stony Brook does not reflect
that at all. With the right people
in USG, we can at the very least
attempt to get things happening
on this campus. In the past cou-
ple years, Ann Coulter was
probably one of the biggest
names that we got on campus,
there just is no way that a third-
rate, talentless, misogynistic
bigot such as Coulter is the best
we can do. Currently we have a
USG that on the surface seems
official and legitimate, but
Adam Kent
Running for Senate
Why are you running for this
position?
I first got involved with USG
last year (2007-2008) in order
to help clubs out. I am run-
ning for senate because I feel
that this position enables me
to help them in the fullest ca-
pacity.
What changes do you plan to
make if elected?
As a Senator the actual
changes made are mostly de-
pendant on the committee I
would put on next year. What
ever the committee I am on I
will do my best to make pos-
that couldn't be further from
the truth. It is plagued with
people there simply because
they want to get a paycheck or
build their resume. Its time to
change that.
What changes do you plan to
itive changes within the
school. Not just in the official
capacity of USG, but also on
different areas that I can help
out with. is year I helped
with the Budget Cut Rally,
and plan to help keep stu-
dents informed with things
that will impact SBU student's
lives. I will like to help im-
prove events that USG helps
put out every year. I want a
larger appeal to more stu-
dents.
make if elected?
I am not going to make fake
promises like other people.
However, I do feel there is two
areas in which I can help dra-
matically improve USG. Firstly
is USG's presence on campus
and also creating a venue for
students to voice their concerns
such that they will actually be
heard. Most students don't have
a clue what USG does and
rightfully so, as it immensely
difficult to even get into contact
with most of those in USG. By
working hard to create a work-
ing relationship with most of
the groups on campus and also
helping them plan budgets and
market events we can at the
very least make this campus
bearable for its students.

John Kriscenski
Running for Executive Vice President
Why are you running for this position?
I’m running for Executive Vice President
because it is the position that would allow
me to contribute the most to Stony Brook.
e number one complaint I get from stu-
dents on campus is that there is not enough
communication between what happens in
the Senate meetings and what clubs find out
about (details regarding the budget process,
passed legislation, etc.). e chief respon-
sibility of the Executive Vice President is to
fairly chair the Senate meetings, but I will
also use that position to ensure that stu-
dents and clubs are informed about the
Senate’s activities. Communication is a
necessary component for any legislative
body and as the Chair of the Senate, no club
will feel le in the dark. Over the last two
years I have always been a fair, moderate
and hard working Senator. ese qualities
are essential for a successful Executive Vice
President and if you elect me I’ll use them
to make the Senate and the U.S.G. the most
fair and effective it can be.
What changes do you plan to make if elected?
Together we can make the U.S.G. work for
the students it represents. As your Execu-
tive Vice President I will work to simplify
the complex rules that leave many in our
clubs baffled and confused. I will work to
increase the communication between the
U.S.G. and the students on campus that is
so desperately needed. Few students even
know that the U.S.G. offers free legal advice
or free tutoring services right now. ese
are the assets of the student government
that all students should know about
and should be able to take advantage of.
Most importantly, as chair of the Senate I
will work to provide effective communica-
tion between the U.S.G. and the clubs on
campus. I understand the frustration club
leaders feel when they go to apply for a
budget, only to learn that are missing doc-
uments that they never were notified were
not on file. e Undergraduate Student
Government needs to work for us and I ask
that you please join with me in fulfilling this
goal. I will work hard for you.
 8 Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009

arts&entertainment
Harvey Milk Was Not Mayor of SF
By Natalie Crnosija
Hollywood loves Frankenstein and all his permu-
tations. There is an industry in shooting the celebrity-
dead full of celluloid, making them walk around on
screen for two and a half hours with the expectation of
plaudits. Highfalutin productions about the epic,
tragic and ultimately triumphant lives of musicians,
artists and persons of note have become the new B-
movie, populated by the living dead, hungrily grab-
bing at a golden man.
With this precedent, “Milk,” a biopic of slain, gay
San Francisco politician Harvey Milk, seemed formu-
laic and destined to join the ghost land of Oscars past.
It is not. And if other biopics are B-movies,
“Milk” is baroque opera in its highest form. It is as
vital and gripping as any grand libretto of the past, but
is simultaneously rooted in the modernity and divi-
siveness of the 1970’s.
This duality makes such a lofty ascension unex-
pected as the film opens in the bowels of the New York
City with an ad executive’s casual pick up of a cherub
haired youth.
The ad executive, Harvey Milk (played with bril-
liant feeling by Sean Penn), has lived closeted his en-
tire life. He laments his passive nature over a shared
plate of birthday cake with Scott (James Franco), his
hookup who became something more. Together, they
move to San Francisco’s Castro district and begin
shaking up the corrupt system which nearly criminal-
izes homosexuality. From Milk’s small camera shop
begins a revolution which combats the prevailing gen-
der intolerance in America.
Milk’s attempts at election are met with prejudice
which Milk conquers one handshake at a time. With
his lightening rod status becoming bicoastal, Milk and
Scott are driven apart. With each challenge, Milk be-
comes more resolute in his fight. His eventual
achievement of the city supervisorship makes him the
first openly gay public official in
America. Milk also begins his
tenuous friendship with conser-
vative Catholic supervisor Dan
White, his soon to be opponent
and slayer, the Salieri to his gay-
rights Mozart.
The film, shot in the beige
palate of the age, is marked by its
time; it is composed of frag-
mented footage of raids, beat-
ings, riots and news reports. The
narrative film is embedded be-
tween these grainy images which
color and imprint themselves
upon the lives of the characters.
This context prevents the film
from being exclusively centered
upon Milk and his Icarian fall.
Milk’s story and success lifts the
gay rights movement. Milk’s life
was focused on the fight for
rights and the film, like Milk
himself, was a vessel for the
movement. The message, hope
for equality by all people, re-
gardless of sexual orientation, is
the true focus of the film.
The evolving, message-
laden structure of Milk’s life and
death is emphasized through the club or in some rarified atmosphere where there isn’t
strategic use of arias and Milk’s own shift from hippie a care in the world apart from the availability of glow
culture to that of upper echelon, power culture. He is sticks. The characters are weighed down by the prej-
changed by power but remains true to the cause and udice around them and fight for the freedom to live
dies for it in the most dramatic fashion. He is eulo- and love as they please. This film is an upgrade from
gized as an imperfect, selfless hero, whose quirks and “Brokeback Mountain” in that “Milk” is built on hero-
endearing aspects made him the human face of the ism and strong, forceful, queer characters instead of
movement. weakness and the tragedy of being gay.
Milk’s delicate internal architecture confounds the “Milk” is ultimately about hope and the human
stereotypical “gay” role within a “gay” film as Broke- will to persevere, making even tragedy triumphant.
back Mountain did years before. He is not set in a

Pokémon Platinum Grills

By Nick Statt
Ah, who doesn’t remember those
days? Flashback to third grade when
Japan was just beginning to completely
and utterly dominate the electronic and
popular culture spectrums of American
life, a secret scheme to excessively enact
revenge for the dropping of the A-
bomb. The kid next to you - the one
whose mom wouldn’t buy him
videogames because of some religious
creed you didn’t really care to under-
stand - is trying to learn long division
while you’re busy rolling over in your
head how many hours of sleep you’d
have to forfeit in order to raise your
Charizard to level 70.
During recess, you’d hardball some
first-graders for a couple holographic
cards, telling them some extraneous ex-
planation as to why your cards, actually
worth far less, were in fact more valu-
able. That kid - the one who didn’t yet
understand the concept of trading per-
sonal possessions because he was
slightly autistic and his parents didn’t
know it yet - would freak out and start
fighting someone for the cards he just
handed over, thinking he was getting
swindled.
The teachers would run out and
break things up, cursing under their
breath about that damn Japanese video
game that has all their students so riled
up. Pokémon would be banned from
school grounds a few days later, but that
wouldn’t stop you. You’d still be button-
ing up your coat and chilling behind the
playground, Game-Boy Pocket in hand
and trying to catch ‘em all.
Flash forward eleven years and
Pokémon is still alive and kicking, re-
fusing to let anyone pull its plug. Poké-
mon Platinum, the latest in a series of
almost uncountable editions of the mid-
90s craze, was recently released for the
Nintendo DS on March 22nd in Amer-
ican stores.
Platinum is to Diamond and Pearl
what Yellow was to Red and Blue, and
Emerald to Ruby and Sapphire. Does
that absurd sounding array of colors
and gems mean nothing to you? Good,
that means you’ve probably saved your-
self an inconvincible amount of time
over the past decade. The comparison
points out that this latest installment is
just an upgraded version of the last two
games that were released in unison last
year. It adds nothing substantial and
aims mainly to fix the bugs of its pred-
ecessors and rake in the big bucks of
anyone still willing to fuel their love for
inhumanely capturing undomesticated
creatures.
The continuation of the series
brings up an interesting point about
American mindsets. While Japan con-
tinues to release Pokémon games be-
cause it’s simply a cultural tradition,
Americans’ fervent purchase of each
new addition creates an anomaly. Why
keep holding on? Can Pokémon even be
considered nostalgic in a country that
The Stony Brook Press
Peggle, or: Positive Reinforcement, the Game
By Kenny Mahoney
When it got down to considering
games to review for this issue, many ti-
tles went through my mind. The newest
Pokemon would have been a good
choice, or maybe the portable murder-
simulator Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown
Wars could also have been a good one.
Ultimately, I decided I didn’t want to go
through the headache of a) having to
find and purchase these games and b)
having to devote a lot of time and en-
ergy to something right before spring
break. So, I decided to pick a game that
was not only readily available, but one
that was cheap and pretty easy on the
scrambled eggs that were once my
brain. This is why I’ve chosen Peggle, a
more casual game then some of the
more hardcore gamers want to admit
they’d play, and one that is definitely a
good title for people that don’t want to
have to deal with the stress and brain-
ache that other games drag with them.
bares no signs of its birth? Well, it could be because
Americans just love to dominate stuff. What better
than to come upon an organism that at first glance
may seem more powerful or more experi-
enced in its environment than you and just
snatch it up and put it to work with the
help of some cool groundbreaking tech-
nology (i.e. the poké ball or small pox. Na-
tive Americans, cough). Africans, cough.
Either way, Platinum is soaring in the sales
and doesn’t really bring that much to the
plate.
The RPG game play, which, ten years
ago, acted as a harsh gateway drug to the
Final Fantasy series and MMOs (the
equivalent of cocaine and heroine in gam-
ing), is relatively untouched. Previous in-
stallments attempted to add upon the
foundations with dual-battling, more
story-oriented game play, and of course,
list after list of those fabricated cuddly
icons. Platinum adds a couple new fea-
tures, such as new forms of Pokémon from
arts&entertainment
Peggle is a difficult game to de-
scribe. If I had to sum it up, I’d say it
most closely resembles Pinball +
Plinko... on crack. The object of the
game is to shoot a ball from the top of
the screen down to the bottom while
trying to eliminate all of the orange col-
ored pegs before you run out of balls.
Don’t think it’ll be that easy though, as
you’re going to have to first hit some
blue pegs to make them disappear in
order to open up shots to the orange
ones. Or, if you’re feeling really cool,
you can strategically bounce your ball
off of said blue pegs to hit the orange
pegs.
But that could seem kind of boring
– just shooting the ball and watching it
fall down to the bottom of the screen
and hoping it lands in the free-ball
bucket. However, the game’s 55 levels
are incredibly varied, each one with dif-
ferent environmental obstacles. Oh,
and everything is colorfully illustrated
and shiny. There’s a unicorn that farts
rainbows.
In addition to the orange and blue
pegs, there are also green pegs and pur-
ple pegs. The purple pegs grant you a
point bonus helping you rack up points
towards earning free balls and high
scores. However, the green pegs are
where the real fun is. Depending on
which Peggle “master” you’ve chosen,
the green peg will activate that master’s
special ability. There are 12 masters in
all, each with their own unique ability.
Abilities can range from things like
multiple balls to adding pinball-style
flippers to the sides of the stage. These
abilities vary the game incredibly, and
the last games and a revamping and healthy buffing
up of the side quests portion of the game. In the end
though, it’s another Pokémon game, another month
9
depending on which one you use. it can buddy from a hail of gunfire or toiling
drastically change your strategy. to level up your blacksmithing so you
In addition to the actual gameplay can finally make that sword you’ve been
aspects, the aesthetics of the game make drooling over. The last thing you want
you feel incredibly at ease and comfort- to have to worry about is trying to sur-
able. Other than the aforementioned vive a zombie attack right after you fin-
rainbow-shitting unicorn, the bright ish a 12-page paper. Sometimes you
colors are soothing and a welcome con- just need to unwind with a game like
trast to the varying shades of brown, Peggle, with no real consequences for
gray, and red seen in Resident Gears of failure that you can pick up and put
Master Chief 4, or whatever the hell down any time you want.
shooter game came out this week. Not In closing, Peggle is a game that’s
only that, but you don’t have to drop easy to learn, but hard to master. To-
$60 on it either. Peggle has been avail- wards the end of the 55 level game, I
able on the PC for a while now, but it was shooting balls like a pro, pulling off
was also just released for the Xbox Live shots I would never thought possible
Arcade for the low-low price of $10 or when I started. Peggle is definitely
800 points in Microsoft Fun-Money. worth checking out if you want a game
Every time you beat a stage, the camera that’s stress-free, has lots of bright col-
zooms in on the ball as it’s about to hit ors, and is just an all around blast to
the last peg, and then plays “Ode to Joy” play.
while the ball flies through the air with
a rainbow-colored streak. And
no, I didn’t make that up – it’s
just that fucking awesome.
After you’ve beaten the 55
level adventure mode, you un-
lock the challenge mode. Chal-
lenge mode uses stages from
adventure mode and gives you
specific goals to complete, such
as getting a certain score or
eliminating a set amount of
pegs. And, if you’re playing the
Xbox version, there’s also a mul-
tiplayer mode so you can take
on your buddies both on and
offline.
Ultimately, the gameplay is
relaxed and fun without the
stress of trying to save your
of your life.
I, and everyone else, can hate on the franchise all
we want, but it doesn’t change the pure and simply
truth. I paid money for it, am playing it right
now, and am having a pretty good time. I asked
earlier if playing this game was nostalgic and,
in a twisted way, yeah, it is. Almost everyone
played and loved these games. Kids let friend-
ships crumble over feuds, all originating from
Pokémon. Grades slipped, unhealthy gaming
habits surfaced. Obsessive-compulsive disor-
der over collecting things ran rampant within
the mass of young kids who thrived on the
pursuit or achievement of perfection.
Pokémon was not really that productive for
the growth of children. But, no matter how
many people jeer at you in public or how many
girls definitely won’t talk to you, it feels good to
embrace the series and whatever new install-
ment it brings. That’s because under that shiny
cover and hidden deep in that little meaning-
less cartridge lay memories, no matter how
embarrassing they really are.
10 Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Stony Brook Press
An I-CONic Adventure Through
the Depths of Geekdom
By Kenny Mahoney
My First I-CON, or, an I-CONic Ad-
venture Through the Depths of Geek-
dom
I know it seems weird that the guy
that writes about videogames for the
newspaper has never been to I-CON,
but it’s true, I’ve never been. For those
of you who are new to the school, or
haven’t noticed storm troopers or guys
walking around with gigantic fake
swords on campus, I-CON is a scifi/fan-
tasy/geek convention that’s usually held
right here at Stony Brook. However,
this year the convention was held this
past weekend at the Brentwood campus
of Suffolk Community College, as well
as a few neighboring hotels.
I attended I-CON as a volunteer,
which basically meant that I had to do 8
hours of “work”, and in return I was
given free admission to the convention
all weekend. I know you’re dying to
hear about all the great stuff that volun-
teers get to do, like stand in front of
doors for 4 hours or make sure room
capacities don’t go past the fire-hazard
limit (the latter of which I had to do ac-
companied by a man wearing a dress,
cat ears, and a leash—I wish I were
fucking kidding). I won’t go into it
more, though, as that shit-storm de-
serves a whole article unto itself.
As I stated before, the convention
had branches in a few different areas.
The main building was at Suffolk Com-
munity College, with some different
panels going on at a nearby Marriott
and some more panels and gaming stuff
at a Holiday Inn off Veteran’s Highway.
At Suffolk, the gymnasium was taken
over completely by different booths,
each one occupied by a store or dealer
trying to sell their wares. Some really
popular items seemed to be various
leather products and medieval outfits,
board games and miniatures games, as
well as anime and manga.
Now, when I say board games, I
don’t mean games like Monopoly or
Scrabble or any of that other Milton-
Bradley bullshit. I’m talking about
board games for geeks. Games for men.
Men with beards. Games for people
with a shit-ton of time and money on
their hands. I’m talking about games
like Warhammer, in which you have to
buy (and then hand-paint) a ton of little
solidiers to build an army, and then
fight to the death against another dude’s
army.
If I had to pick one, my favorite
dealer at I-CON had to have been Ches-
sex Dice Manufacturers. They do ex-
actly what the name of their company
says, they make dice. But what’s so in-
teresting about dice, you ask? Well, if
you aren’t a huge geek like yours truly,
you may not realize that there exist dice
with more than 6 sides. Amazing,
Tia Mansouri
I-CON Elsewhere
T
right!? I’ll give you a minute to let that
sink in. As I was saying, these exotic
dice are used with a number of games,
but are most famous for the use with
Dungeons and Dragons. You’ve got
your standard 20 sided die, as well as 12,
10, 8, and even 4 sided die. And it’s not
just the number of sides that change,
but the size, color, and opacity as well.
Chessex had dice that were as small as
5mm and as large as the palm of your
hand. Not only that, some had differ-
ent colors swirled together, and some
were completely transparent. Even if
you didn’t really care about dice, it re-
ally was a spectacle just to walk by the
booth to see what could be done with a
tiny piece of plastic.
What’s really interesting about
some of these booths is the way that
they try and get you to shop there.
Local videogame retailer Play-N-Trade
had a booth set up with Guitar Hero and
an old Super-Nintendo that passer-bys
could pick up and play for free. An-
other booth had a dice game that, de-
pending on what you rolled, would earn
you a specific prize. My girlfriend was
actually able to turn two one-dollar rolls
into $150 worth of prizes. Other booths
had special sales and deals that would
be otherwise unavailable outside of the
convention.
Other than just buying and selling,
the convention also played host to a
couple of famous artists, writers and ac-
tors. The big-name guest was actor
Sean Astin, who you may remember as
Frodo’s BFF Sam from the Lord of the
Rings movies. Other guests included
Tory Belleci from Discovery Channel’s
11
Tia Mansouri
Mythbusters, as well as the author of the
Spiderwick Chronicles, Holly Black.
Many of the guests were there for Q&A
discussions, panels, and autograph sign-
ings.
My girlfriend and I actually waited
in line for 2 fucking hours to get Sean
Astin’s autograph, only to realize that it
was going to cost me $20 to have him
sign anything other than the program.
Apparently this is how it usually works
with autographs, but I feel bad for any-
one that paid for a ticket to have to pay
an additional $20 for some guy to write
his name on a piece of paper for you.
Although there were a huge num-
ber of panels given at the convention,
my volunteer work prevented me from
actually seeing any. But—unless you’re
a huge geek or are really into some-
thing—the panels are so niche that if
you’re not a die-hard follower of what-
ever they’re talking about, it’s probably
not going to be of that much interest to
you. I was more than content to just
walk the convention floor and play
games.
So that’s pretty much all I saw. The
volunteer work kept me from getting to
see as much stuff as I would have liked,
but I feel that I got my work’s worth. I
don’t think I would have paid $60 for a
weekend pass, but the cheaper day tick-
ets should be enough for anyone who’s
just going for shits and giggles. There’s
no word on when the next one will be
coming around, but it’s something I’d
definitely go to again.
12 Arts & Entertainment
Artsy Metal Heads Finally Embrace
Their Prog Rock Fusion
By Nick Statt
It only takes an observation of the album’s glossy
casing, putting aside for the moment any of its cir-
cuitry, to see the smooth, almost graceful, transition
Mastodon has made over the years. From brutal heavy
metal to an artistically stunning acceptance of their
progressive mindsets, Mastodon has made a journey
some bands have found impossible in only six and a
half years.
The album art exhibits two white-eyed half-man,
half-specter beings hanging between a black swirling
symbol. Beneath the scene lies the album’s name,
Crack the Skye, which is spread out in a sharp Eastern-
looking font. Even this album art is a clear signal of
maturity when compared with Mastodon’s freshman
release in 2002, which exhibited a purple horse-like
being soaring through the air in what looks to be a cry
of pain or terror. The two subsequent albums in the
four-part series, which have been dedicated to the el-
ements (this album being air), have featured a simi-
larly cryptic beast painted in an array of jarring colors.
However, Crack The Skye has an almost serene image,
the only beast is a stringy bear image beneath the two
human forms. After soaking up the astral feel of the
album art, diving into the record is only further proof
of any wavering suspicions.
Mastodon, once considered a strictly metal-ori-
entated band and having been named best metal band
of 2008 by Rolling Stone, has used their fourth release
to do just as its title suggests – completely charge their
limitations and explore whatever artistic direction
even tempts them. This has resulted in one of the most
amazing and well-balanced progressive-metal per-
formances that have ever graced the hard-knocked
scene.
Some attributions may lie in the dramatic changes
that the band has undergone in the last year. Brent
Hinds, the band’s lead guitarist and vocalist, suffered
a brain hemorrhage, among other injuries, in a brutal
altercation with System of a Down bassist Shavo
Odadjian and musician William Hudson. While in re-
covery, Hinds found his head trauma to be somewhat
of a muse that helped him write many of the core mu-
Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009
sical components of
Crack The Skye. An-
other change came in
the form of producer
Brendan O’Brien. Hav-
ing worked with the
likes of Bruce Spring-
steen and Pearl Jam,
O’Brien definitely
spurred the growth of
Mastodon’s dormant
elements to create the
complexity evident in
Crack the Skye.
The album’s
opener, “Oblivion,” is
nothing short of a per-
fect collection of
Mastodon’s finest de-
liveries. It begins with
a style true to their
roots and known by
many die-hard fans: thick and rumbling, but slow, gui-
tars over tom-heavy drum spills. Yet, out of the typi-
cal intro and eruption into a fast distortion heavy verse
comes the voice of drummer Brann Dailor with a sur-
prisingly clear tone, followed close by the wailing voice
of bassist Troy Sanders. “Close, low bright eyes fading
faster than stars falling”, sings Sanders, before Hinds
delivers the much-welcomed growl of his throwback
singing voice in the chorus, the only portion of the
song he sings.
About halfway in, Hinds whips into a solo, but it
feels different. In one sense, it aims to calm you, with
Hinds bending his notes into smooth howls, before it
tears you apart with air-stabbing distortion-heavy
licks. The style instantly conjured up David Gilmour’s
“Comfortably Numb” solo with its similarly serene, yet
disassembling, nature. Painted over the backdrop of
slow progressing chords, Hinds seems less intent on
showing off his guitar prowess or speeding up the song
in true metal fashion, focusing instead on elevating a
calm chaos.
The rest of the album’s six tracks transgress in a
staggeringly impressive fashion. The fourth and sev-
enth songs, “Czar” and “The Last Baron,” stretch out
into 10 and 13-minute epics respectively
that further exhibit Mastodon’s acceptance
of progressive rock customs. “The Czar” is
easily the second best track behind the
opener with its highly diverse musical
arrangements and provocative lyrics telling
the portion of the album’s story when the
lead character is reborn into the body of
Rasputin, advisor to the Czar of Russia.
That being said, it should be noted that,
yes, Mastodon donned another of the
prog-rock genre’s trademarks with their re-
turn to the concept album.
Like their 2004 release, “Leviathan,”
which was the water-themed portion of the
elemental saga and loosely based around
Melville’s “Moby Dick,” Crack the Skye tells
the trip-inducing fantasy story of a boy
who travels through space and time, back
to historical periods like Czarist Russia,
and eventually breaks through a crack in
the sky with the help of spirits on a journey back to
his original body. Does it seem a little crazy? Yes, cer-
tainly. But that’s where the fun lies. Music that can
stand alone as one medium of art, but also offer an in-
teresting path into another, gives listeners the ability to
appreciate an album like Crack The Skye at a much
higher degree.
For fans of the band’s instrumental lavishing,
“Divinations” delivers ear-splitting solos from both
guitarists. Also, the two double-digit epics previously
mentioned contain breakdowns that leave those
yearning for virtuosity with something to soak in a
few times over. The emotional high point of the album
is undoubtedly the self-titled track, “Crack the Skye.”
The title of the song, and the album, is a reference to
both the concept album’s story line and to drummer
Brann Dailor’s sister, Skye Dailor, who committed sui-
cide when she and Brann were teenagers. The track is
five and a half minutes of swelling vocals and quick
emotive turns in style that provide for a satisfying
segue into the album’s extensive finale.
As a band now loafing around the progressive-
rock and metal genres, it’s important to note what
components comprise Mastodon. They don’t make
you want to destroy everything or fill you with graphic
images of the unpleasant, like the pro-rocking four-
piece Tool, and nor do they take the fantasy themed
concept album idea so far that the song titles and lyri-
cal references have a whole comic-book series to flesh
them out, like falsetto-heavy Claudio Sanchez and his
fellow band mates in Coheed and Cambria. They are,
however, a perfect blend: a band that has resided on
top of the core of what has garnered metal a fan base
while wielding the tools of artful expression that make
modern music a multi-faceted and thought provok-
ing experience. In other words, they are the upper ech-
elon of modern metal.
Although it’s sad to see them cast off the four part
saga that has made them what they are today, it’s im-
possible to ignore the aura of excitement generated
around Mastodon. With this path finished, they’re ab-
solutely free to do whatever they like in the future, and
it’s quite obvious that they’ll have a dedicated fan base
waiting to see exactly what that is.
The Stony Brook Press
As If Connecticut Didn’t Get Enough Tourism
By Liz Kaempf
It’s evident that Hollywood these
days is running out of ideas. Thus
movies lately fall into a set of seemingly
only four categories; Hollywood re-
makes, movie parodies, historical con-
tent, and those ‘based on a true story’.
You could easily argue that The Haunt-
ing in Connecticut could fall under any
one of those subsects of cinema, but for
time’s sake, we’ll stick to it being a ‘true’
story. Just like the director did.
Devoid of stereotypical characters,
raunchy sex scenes, and vulgar, benign
dialogue, this ‘true’ story follows the
Campbell family through their encoun-
ters with the paranormal after they
move into a perfect Connecticut home.
The mother, played by the flat and un-
emotional Virginia Madsen (Seriously,
her facial expressions did not change
once! Not even when she was crying. Or
at least, trying to cry.), soon discovers
that their new house used to be a fu-
neral home and a mortuary. So like any
good mother would have done, she
threw all the evidence into the trash
with the rest of the spring cleaning. All’s
well until her oldest son, Matt, played
by the only decent actor in this film,
Kyle Gallner, starts having nightmares
and seeing ghosts. We chalked it up to
hallucinations due to his experimental
Counting Dreams in Centimeters...
By Andrew Fraley
The highly anticipated new album
from indie dance-rock supergroup Met-
ric is coming out a week ahead of sched-
ule. Fantasies, the Canadian band’s
fourth studio album, dropped on April
7, instead of its original April 14 date.
The album had been leaked a month
earlier on the Internet. Official release
dates have become fairly irrelevant now
that listeners can pirate albums months
before they actual hit stores. Regardless,
it’s always exciting to anticipate a band’s
proper release, even when you have an
illegal copy sitting on your hard drive.
Metric formed in New York in
1998, although many of the members
are from sunny Toronto. Emily Haines,
indie rock goddess extraordinaire, has
also been involved with the other Cana-
dian supergroup, Broken Social Scene.
She’s also recorded a couple solo al-
bums, although they are a little mel-
lower than her Metric work. If you’re
reading this now, Emily, please marry
TGhosts are so damn messy.
cancer treatment until the creepy house
ghosts became a little more persistent in
their efforts to drag him off to their own
personal Hell. Thus causing the movie’s
emulation of The Shining when Gallner
portrayed Jack Nicholson by going all
bat-shit crazy on everyone, with a mas-
terful wild and possessed look in his
eyes.
There was nothing particularly
frightening about The Haunting in Con-
necticut. It had the usual amount of
marginally spooky happenings popping
out from behind corners, in mirrors
me.
Fantasies comes two years after
their last release, 2007’s Grow up and
Blow Away, although that was actually
a re-release of their first album. Techni-
cally, this comes four years after their
most recently recorded album, 2005’s
critically acclaimed Live it Out. Fan-
tasies represents a return to their ori-
gins, while keeping the energetic sound
from their more recent albums.
and from under the bed. Oh, and there
was the secret dumbwaiter that any
other average and sane person would
have boarded up—so as to never see it
again—instead of using it as a hide-and-
seek spot. Stupid unintuitive clichés.
(See also; venturing into the eerie base-
ment that’s making absurd noises even
though the lights don’t work.)
My particular movie-audience
crowd thought we were all in luck when
the hot chick jumped into the shower.
But no, we didn’t see anything, much to
their disappointment. Thankfully she
Grow up and Blow Away was origi-
nally recorded at the band’s formation
and finished in the early ‘00’s. The
album was more musically diverse,
ranging from slow and jazzy songs, to
hip-hop-esque vocals from Haines.
Guitarist James Shaw’s vocals are also
prominently featured on the album,
providing a nice contrast to Haine’s sen-
suous, sweet singing. The album had a
very limited release after its recording,
and the band refined their sound to a
style more suitable to their fans.
Old World Underground, Where Are
You Now? was their second album and
their initial progression to their current
synth-pop style. The addition of drum-
mer Joules Scott-Key also gave the band
their driving beats and sound. This style
would later be further refined with Live
it Out.
But as the band has evolved, they
have created a mix of both worlds; the
frenetic energy of their established style
with the more musically mature sound
of their formation. This is evident with
their first two songs, “Help, I’m Alive”
Arts & Entertainment 13
was attacked by the shower curtain for
her conservative nature. Although, she
won that fight. Before that was the un-
intentionally comedic scene where the
irrelevant father comes home in a
drunken, belligerent rage and smashes
every light bulb in the house into the
kitchen sink. There’s a classy guy for ya.
The saving grace was the ending,
and it wasn’t because it was the ending.
Gallner revived his role as Jack Torrance
and broke out a big-ass axe, stormed the
house, barricaded himself inside and
started to hack at the walls of the living
room where about one hundred stolen,
embalmed, and séance-experimented
bodies poured out all over the floor. It
was by far one of the grossest things I’d
ever seen. And so, going down with the
ship, he lit a massive fire, trapping him-
self, so he can destroy all the demon
corpses. Death would have been immi-
nent had his heroic mother not rushed
in to save him … with a prayer?!
Yep, God saved the day in the
movie, and Matt’s cancer miraculously
vanished, as did any chances of Con-
necticut getting any tourist money out
of this one. Supposedly all supernatural
activity disappeared from the house
after that night, and all was right in the
world. There’s no Amityville Horror
ending for this town. Sorry CT, better
luck next time, kid.
and “Sick Muse.” These two songs are
the catchiest songs on the album, a great
lead into the rest of the album. The
album on a whole, however, falls a little
short of their previous work, but still re-
mains pretty strong. It also takes on a
sadder note than their more poppy
predecessors. “Gold Huns Girls” sounds
similar to “Live It Out,” but not as up-
beat, “Twilight Galaxy” and “Gimme
Sympathy” also have a more melan-
cholic air, like Haines’ solo work. Fan-
tasies also lacks an edgy anti-war song,
like Live it Out‘s “Monster Hospital” and
Old World Underground‘s “Succexy.”
Not that that’s a bad thing; maybe
they’re just cautiously optimistic about
the new Obama administration.
Nevertheless, Fantasies is a great
album, one of the best of the year so far.
I would strongly recommend either
buying the album from a non-corporate
music store, or just pirating it from the
internet. Make sure to support the band
by seeing them in concert though.
Haines shakes her head (because it’s
empty) more sexily than anyone alive.
14 Comics Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Stony Brook Press Comics 15

Explainations for
This Statesman Ad

10 Latest qualifying test for the

Glia soceity
9 Entry from Governor
Paterson’s little black book

8 A rad April Fool’s joke on a

lowly, second-rate advertiser
for a good time, call Mrs. Pratt at 3 3 3-
7 3333wwwwNwwNwww(wnN...

6 Didn’t Jackson Pollock go to Pratt?

Failed attempt to fill their WTF

5 bar and reach Level 4

4 Mid-Party Coke Party Invite

Statesman editors have watched Nicholas

3 Cage’s The Knowing far too many times

2 Helen Keller’s MySpace page

The funniest thing in their

1 April Fool’s Issue
16
The 2009 Kenny Awards:
And the Winners Are...
By Doug Cion &
Najib Aminy
Presenting the first inaugural Shirley
Strum Kenny Awards, honoring the best-
mediocre feature films of 2008, The Press
would like to congratulate all the nomi-
nees, the Academy, and Hollywood for a
successful year in producing top-notch
forgettable mediocre feature films. As our
dear President Kenny departs into the
setting sun, an award meant to honor her
time and service at Stony Brook is to ride
along with the preceding sunrise. Thanks
for the memories Shirlz. We wish you the
best!
Nominees and awards were chosen in a
meticulous screening process that took
months and a few weeks to determine the
winners. Emails disagreeing with a selec
tion can be sent to
sbpressnews@gmail.com, however, they
will not be read.
And now, announcing the winners of the
2009 Shirley Strum Kenny Awards:
Best Mediocre Feature Film: Vantage
Point
What made this movie so mediocre was
the fact that its plot revolved around
one event and added sequences of time
to produce a feature film. From its ok
cinematography to quite predictable car
chases, it is hard to be enthralled or dis-
appointed with the film’s overall pres-
entation. This movie is not likely to be
watched more than once, strengthening
its bid and leading up to its win in this
award category. Sorry Slum Dog, you
can’t win everything.
Mediocre Actor: Paul Rudd (Role Mod-
els)
The role of a depressed spokesman,
Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009
who finally snaps and is ordered to par-
ticipate in a Big Brother-like organiza-
tion, is brought to life by the dry
comedic stylings of Paul Rudd, which
he has brought to the table on many oc-
casions. In his first leading role, Rudd
teams up with fellow funnyman Sean
Williams Scott that gorges the audience
with enough awkward facial expres-
sions, F bombs and the irony of every-
day life to truly be labeled as your classic
Judd Apatow film. Being that this is not
a Judd Apatow film, Paul Rudd’s per-
formance proves that he does not need
a specific author to make a character his
own…and the same.
Mediocre Actress: Anna Faris (The
House Bunny)
The role of the ditzy blond has been im-
mortalized by the works of this spectac-
ular character actress. With years of
experience in this role (Scary Movie I-
IV), when Faris was called upon to play
the former playmate turned sorority
house mother, it was her chance to daz-
zle the audience with her talent and skill
to play this one character. This time
however, she finally had the opportu-
nity to exploit how incredibly attractive
she is which was able to distract all the
men who were dragged to see this
chick-flick. Her role in The House
Bunny appealed to everyone and her
acting was alright too.
Best Exeunt: Marley (Marley and Me)
Mediocrity is not subjective to just hu-
mans. After almost two hours of wit-
nessing how bad a pet can actually
behave, it is no wonder why having it
euthanized at the end would be the best
answer and this is why Marley’s (played
by Clyde the dog) Exeunt truly defines
the term mediocre. Nothing extensive
or melodramatic; just a vet, a needle and
the performance of two Hollywood
stars and the audience is left in tears.
Best Mediocre Romantic Comedy:
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Friends go to Europe to advance their
studies; one is a whore for love and be-
comes attracted to a Spanish artist, the
other resents him. Both, in one way or
another, fall in love with him. Turns out
the Spanish lover has an ex-wife and
they get back together… You see where
this is going?
Sacre Bleu Moment: The Ending (In-
diana Jones and the Legend of the Crys-
tal Skull)
Beginning in 1981 with Raiders of the
Lost Ark, the character Indiana Jones
has become an icon for the American
action hero. Followed by two more
classic films over the course of eight
years, the Indiana Jones franchise had
cemented itself in classic American cin-
ema. Then, when the fourth install-
ment of the franchise was released in
2008 culminating the series, audiences
across the United States all felt a piece
of themselves die with the character on
screen. Swinging monkeys, aliens, fight
scenes defying the laws of physics, fire
ants, nuclear bombs and lead refrigera-
tors and countless attempts to try to be
funny, the best moment of 2008 in films
is when Indian Jones and the Legend of
the Crystal Skull finally ended.
Best Mediocre Animated Film:
Madagascar: Escape to Africa
Filling its role as a sequel to a pretty
awesome movie, Madagascar: Escape to
Africa made money delivering an OK
piece of work. The storyline—a dancing
lion who is trying to earn respect from
his alpha-male lion father—was drawn
out but kept alive with entertaining
characters and a jovial soundtrack. It
was no where near as good as the first
Madagascar but because the first one
was so great this movie came in with
few expectations, leaving audience
members pleased that there was an-
other movie about talking animals.
The Stony Brook Press
Avante Garde Tickle Zebra
2. The economy.
They tell me it’s
bad. You know
what? I don’t care.
Let me tell you a
story about a boy
named Richie. In
By Ross 7th grade, he stole a
Barkan car and drove on
the freeway. An
obese teacher had to fuck the car to stop
it. Fuck the car. Not even T.S. Eliot
could do that. The point? Stop worry-
ing, the economy will be fine. Richie is
alive. T.S. Eliot isn’t. Go read a book,
why don’t you. Go buy me a cookie.
7. I got a melodramatic friend. Let’s call
him Posh Frinsberger. He has a girl he
likes. Let’s call her Articuno. He’s
hooked up with Articuno like three
times, yet he stresses that things aren’t
going well and the girl doesn’t like him.
He throws like a girl. You should know
this. In 1994, F. Scott Fitzgerald pub-
lished his last novel Tabletop Pregnancy
about a boy and his dad starting a base-
ball league on the moon. You should
understand that this ended tragically
because the moon can’t support life.
Neither can Articuno’s vagina. Cheer up
Posh, we’re all cheerin’ for ya, ya fuckin
bastard!
XVI. Popes aren’t real. I don’t see them
in the stars like I used to - and I’m a de-
vout Christian, so I should know. I
heard Richard Nixon outlawed them. If
there’s a mist and you’re alone, the dew
drops are trickling down your knee gen-
tly like the calm of the sea and your
lashes lick the darkness while the grizzly
bear that you raised from birth to be the
successor to the kingdom tries to fon-
dle your peach sack, don’t fear. The
economy WILL come around. She’s a
good girl. Take it from James Taylor, I’m
driving on the freeway we call the
woods/I’ll be silent in my sleep/when you
rape me/rape me/like a dove in the bath-
tub/fly away…
4. Let me tell you about my ex. She’s in
a band now that I don’t care about.
There were a few problems in our rela-
tionship because, you must see, the cos-
mos did not play their lyres for us.
Milky Ways colliding about and here we
were, two chocolate drops, fucking on
the sofa. Earth Day: it did happen. My
pal Craiggala tells me there’s only two
things you have to fear. One is cough
medicine. Two, two, well I’ll inform you
of two, you impudent, concupiscent
communist. Two is society. No one let’s
you ride a horse bareback through the
shopping mall. There’s something
wrong, like a screwdriver spinning
through the stars. I don’t care about
your bands, girlie. I only care about the
wind. I’m a logger.
17 (c). Here’s a sample from the best
novel you’ll ever read: It’s a razzle-daz-
zle sort of world, bright lights, bright
people, a red foil galaxy fanning out
over the dreams people cling to. People
need a buzz. The RealMachine—that
thing Cecilia so unpatriotically ig-
nores—is guaranteed to buzz those ca-
jones and clits. If Cecilia were to enter
the Paradise Du Jour, she would initially
find dents everywhere. Dented furni-
ture, dented countertops and dented
people. The front room is an antique
barroom complete with movie stools,
cigarette fog and sallow mitts rubbing
the decayed wood for secrets. Cecilia
would have seen five people, four of
whom are men, at the bar. Rather than
be served by a veteran of love, war, and
gin rummy, they are served by a child.
We said this was unauthorized, right?
2,232,443.9: History lessons should be
quick. William Wordsworth and Mary
Shelley loved each other like grape jelly
and phosphorous. One was a cougar.
The other a red school bus. They drove
until time told them to stop. They drove
until their hearts—beet red like the
menstrual sun—could give no more.
Jim Rice should not be in the hall of
fame. But William Howard Taft should.
He saved America. You only made her
mad.
F. Television show titles I do not sup-
port: Brain Lobster, NubbinsFuck, Let’s
Make Rape, The Fuzz n’ Me, William
Blake: Actually Naked?, Friends, Me
and Julio Taste Freedom, Me and Julio
Taste Titty Pastry, Where Are You Tony
Danza?, and Noodle Tits—say maybe.
23. Michael Jordan showed the players
how it was done. Back in ’96, he scored
like 20 points in that one game and had
like 400 rebounds. They called him the
“Sultan of the Midnight Slam” because
rumor had it every midnight he went
out into the dripping moonbeams and
made love to as many young sheep as he
could. As many sheep, I repeat, as he
could.
Opinion 17
opinion
take 1
POP QUIZ-ANSWER QUIETLY:
WHO FORMED THE TRIPLE EN-
TENTE IN WORLD WAR ONE?
A) France, France, France
B) Fuck you, Mike the Bro
C) Russia, Japan, Josh stop
leaving the popcorn bag on my
desk I need room to grow
D) Do you know where the nail
clippers at?
E). William S. Burroughs, Mark
McGwire, Tony Gwynn’s
colonoscopy bag
FROM WHAT TOWN DOES HENRY
DAVID THOREAU HAIL FROM?
A) New Yawk
B) Munich, Italy
C) The Compromise of 1850
ensured that lesbians, forever
plaguing the northwest, would
not bother me anymore
D) FACETIME
E) Who’s the Audiomaster?
Only Jesus knows, and he’s not
a track star
ANSWERS: 2, q, Galloping
Horse, Charles DickENS
harhar
57. As I type this, our stowaway says he
wants a Dirt Devil to clean his shit. Isn’t
life nothing but cleaning? Shuttling
from rat farm to rat zoo, shuffling our
feet like mice on the ice of time praying
we don’t melt, asking God for the an-
swer, realizing spaghetti cooks slowly,
why did you leave me, the arc is filling,
if there were two animals and we saved
all the animals where are the bra-
chiosaurs for Wayne Knight to love and
raise as his own since everyone knows
Wayne Knight cannot reproduce be-
cause his bladder, now the size of a Chi-
nese steam engine, cannot purr, cannot
sleep, cheese doodles have too much
crunch, Quaker Oats fiber bars too little
sting, and the cobras were flying away.
Make love to me, Jungle Queen. The
vines won’t tear.
1,008. Exactly ten years from now, I
promise you reverends will fly. Every
last one. Genetic engineering, a thing of
the future, will prevent the apocalypse.
This is because I know a rapper star
named Lil’ Nastyfuck MC who can
prophesize, like Cassandra, the bad
things that will happen. Buckle your
seatbelts, kids. You’re gonna be screw-
ing for a long time.
18
Sports
“The First Rule of Boxing Club is....”
By Eric DiGiovanni
FIGHT CLUB(S)- Boxing
Style: Boxing. As if you couldn’t
read the head line. Seriously, why do
I do this part?
When It Meets: Monday and
Wednesday, 8:00-9:30 PM
Where It Meets: Mat Room at
Pritchard Gym
Who’s Known For It: Mike Tyson,
Muhammad Ali, and Little Mac
from the Punch-Out!!! Series
Boxing. There’s really nothing I
can tell you that you don’t already
know. Fist-fighting, pugilism, what-
ever you call it, there’s already an
image in your head. Whether it’s of
the glitzy pay-per-view fights on
HBO, or maybe two gentlemen with
handlebar mustaches, fists at waist
height to engage in a fisticuffs duel
to protect ye olde honour, you can’t
deny the popularity of the sweet sci-
ence.
Which is why I was concerned
that only four people (including my-
self) showed up to Monday’s meet-
ing of the Boxing Club, which
started last Spring. Sure, there were
people already down in the mat
room with us with boxing gloves al-
ready on, but apparently it’s just
some random people. It might have
been the fabled Mixed Martial Arts
Club, but that’s for another time.
Whoever did show up to that meet-
ing, however, seemed to like it a lot.
Fortunately, hand wraps and
boxing gloves are provided for those
who don’t have their own (for a lim-
ited number of people), so the club
is accommodating. What’s great is
that we pretty much got right into
the action. OK, first I had to go
through a very specific process to
wrap my hands, which took several
Vol. XXX, Issue 12 | Tuesday, April 14, 2009
minutes, but after that, we got to the
punchin’. Normally, the first ques-
tion I ask when doing these articles
is along the lines of “When did this
start?” or “Why should I take this
up?” But for the boxing club, my
first question was “How can I write
with boxing gloves on?” Compound
that with the fact that I didn’t have
my own photographer, and the diffi-
culty of getting down notes and tak-
ing pictures. So basically, every time
I had to make a note or take a photo,
I had to undo the Velcro on the box-
ing gloves, shake them off, undo the
hand wraps so that I had enough
wiggle room to write or use the
camera, do whatever I needed to do,
wrap up my hands again, and then
get back. Everything here is pretty
straightforward, meaning there’s no
nuances or language I have to trans-
late (See the Capoeira article from
the April 1 Issue of The Stony Brook
Press! Excelsior!, but it can be an
inconvenience.
Also of note, the boxing gloves
are surprisingly heavy, and this
coming from a regular gym rat.
Keeping them up all the time is a
good workout for the shoulders. In
fact, one of the selling points is that
it’s great for getting in shape. Patrick
Rooney, who’s been in charge of the
club this past semester, says “It’s
good for all levels, it’s great cardio,
and we’re always changing things
up here.” Vladmir, a student who’s
been coming for the past two se-
mesters says “This is like, the best
overall workout you can get without
weights.”
We were working on punch
combos, and the mystery group had
their music setup playing in the
background. So naturally, I started
working in that rhythm. It makes it
really fun, but at the same time, it
seems futile. In an actual bout, the
other guy’s going to be working on
a different rhythm. So either adapt
to his rhythm, or force him to go by
your own. Timing is everything in
this sport, and one punch at the
wrong time can leave you open for a
nasty blow.
Speaking of nasty blows, yes,
we got to spar. This wasn’t the kind
of sparring I was expecting – nay –
looking forward to, where we put on
headgear and start rumbling. It’s im-
possible to go all-out or even do
light-contact sparring in the context
of the club because of all these
things called “insurance” and “law-
suits” and “liability issues”. The ex-
ercise in its place, however, was
actually interesting. Basically, one
person can only fight offensively,
throwing punches and hooks, and
the other can only block or dodge
the punches. It’s great for working
on technique and strategy, and helps
more aggressive fighters slow down
to look for weak points, while help-
ing more defense-minded boxers to
break the “Now I Gotta Hit This
Guy” barrier, and work on feinting,
or faking out. It was tame, but the
guy I was working with managed to
get a good hook right in my stom-
ach. The punch didn’t hurt that
much physically, but mentally, it
taught me a hard lesson: don’t leave
yourself open.
If you go to the Boxing Club
looking for a fight, you’re going to
be disappointed. During a quick
peek in the racquetball courts that
led me to find the boxing club
(Again, the efficiency at which this
school operates astounds me), I saw
some people having actual bouts at a
court down the hall from the mat
room. Whether they split off from
the boxing club to do their own
thing, or I accidentally stumbled
upon some secret underground fight
club, they seemed to be the excep-
tion, not the rule. Still, if you’re
looking for a good workout, the
boxing club will do.
Now if you’ll excuse me, a man
just stole my bike, and I now I have
to chase after him along the New
York skyline in the pink jumpsuit I
am somehow wearing.
The Stony Brook Press
New York State of Mindlessness
By Jason Wirchin
For the recently laid-off Long Island
dad hoping to take his son or daughter
to a Mets game this summer, seeing
those ubiquitous Citi logos all over the
team’s new ballpark is a serious punch
in the gut – especially if CitiGroup gave
him a pink slip!
With Citi Field’s exorbitant ticket
prices, growing numbers of jobless New
Yorkers will need to cut their 2009 base-
ball budgets and attend fewer games
than usual.
It’s a demoralizing reality, but the
ironies hurt more than anything else.
Citi, which fired over 53,000 em-
ployees last November in the second-
largest job cut in financial history, will
have its presence felt from ticket stubs
to outfield walls, and everywhere in be-
tween.
What’s an unemployed father of
three to think of this corporate mess?
After Citi takes away his livelihood, they
still have the cajones to spend $400 mil-
lion on stadium naming rights?
Apparently so, at least according to
Mets chief operating officer Jeff Wilpon.
“Citi is fully committed to their con-
tract. We’re fully committed to them.
There’s no change in status whatsoever,”
Wilpon told WCBS TV.
But back to ticket prices.
According to The New York Daily
News, last summer, Dave Howard, the
Mets’ executive vice president of busi-
ness operations, disclosed details on
Citi Field’s ticket-pricing structure.
SBU Seawolves Stumble
By Ian Thomas
After winning four straight games
earlier in the season, the men’s lacrosse
team was hoping to get back on the
right track as they opened their Amer-
ica East campaign Saturday at LaValle
Stadium.
The game boasted the largest crowd
of the season for the Seawolves, draw-
ing more than 4,000 fans, according to
team officials. This was the second
game in a back-to-back showcase for
Lacrosse for Autism event. In the first
game Duke, ranked tenth in the nation,
downed Dartmouth 12 - 6.
The Seawolves fared no better; they
dropped their second straight game, an-
other frustrating loss where errors and
The Daily News reponded that
Howard said the top ticket price at the
Mets’ new digs is $495 for 76 front-row
seats between the dugouts, and that six
percent of seats are priced at more than
$200, the Daily News reported.
“We’ve tried to do the best we could
to keep this balanced,” Howard said.
Bullshit.
If I may modify Mr. Howard’s state-
ment, the highest price for four games
this season – opening Night against the
San Diego Padres and three games
against the New York Yankees in June –
is not $495, but a walloping $695!
sloppy play doomed them.
The Seawolves fell to the University
of Maryland Baltimore County Retriev-
ers by a score of 14 - 8.
UMBC, currently ranked 8th in the
nation and last year’s America East
champions, came into the game toting
Howard was likely referring to less
prominent games labeled “Silver” in the
Mets’ pricing system.
These sky-high prices may sound
hunky-dory to the fools who got us into
these economic troubles, but what of
the man who can barely pay his bills, let
alone spend his leftover savings on a
gold-plated hot dog?
In dire times, the Mets should take
dire measures. As a financial swoon en-
velops the nation, ticket prices need not
be stratospheric – only fair. The more
cash the average fan has to grab from
his wallet, the less often fans will come
to the ballpark.
one of the league’s most
dynamic offenses. They
didn’t disappoint.
The Retrievers never
trailed in the game. Jun-
ior attacker Chris Jones
scored a minute and 40
seconds in for UMBC.
The team recorded 40
shots in the game,
Stony Brook
battled all afternoon,
but missed opportuni-
ties and turnovers did
the team in.
Freshman attacker Graham Adams’
third goal brought the Seawolves within
one with just under a minute to play in
the first half, but the Retrievers an-
swered with four straight goals and
never looked back.
19
Sports
Is this what the team wants? In a
brand-spanking new, overly-marketed
baseball palace, do the Wilpons want a
great view of empty stands? Of course
not! But that’s what they’ll get if ticket
costs continue to soar before the econ-
omy picks up.
Here’s a look at prices for select
games this season, courtesy of
mets.com.
For a game against the lowly
Cincinnati Reds, a single seat in the
Delta Club Silver section behind home
plate costs $270. A spot in the Metro-
politan Box Gold section along the
third base line against the Washington
Nationals costs $225. Don’t forget that
cheap seat in the Caesars Club Silver
section in right field against the dinky
San Francisco Giants worth $150.
There are reasonably-priced places
to watch a game, though. For several
games against the Nationals and Florida
Marlins, the least expensive seats cost
$11 and $15 in the Promenade Re-
served section. But don’t be fooled.
From there, tickets rise to $20 and then
gradually to $98 until they jump into
the hundreds.
Gone are the days when modest
Long Islanders could spend a day at the
yard without going bankrupt. They are
but figments of our collective imagina-
tion, memories long departed in a
world of greedy baseball ownership.
Citi Field will be marvelous. It’ll
outdo Shea in every respect. But one
thing remains certain. The new system’s
a shame – an Amazin’ shame.
By the end of the game, Stony
Brook had turned the ball over 22 times,
and allowed a dangerous extra man unit
to go three for three.
Adams led the team with three
goals on the afternoon. Sophomore
midfielder Kevin Crowley had four as-
sists, and sophomore attacker Jordan
McBride, who led the America East
with 27 points going into the game,
scored twice. Junior goaltender Charlie
Parr added five saves.
The loss leaves Stony Brook at 4-4
on the season, dropping them to fourth
in the division.
Stony Brook hopes to rebound in
their next game, when they travel to
Burlington to take on the University of
Vermont on April 4.
Death Egg Zone