A Healthy Self Esteem-pt. 1 By Pastor Roland Johnson What do you see?

Que es lo que ves?

This picture could be several things: an athlete exercising, an inmate inside of a prison cell, a man holding a gift, it could be a robber being arrested or just someone doing funny things or acting like a clown. Your self esteem is like that: there are different ways of looking at yourself. You may see yourself in positive way or in a negative way such as: not good looking, with too many pimples or acne, fat, skinny, not likeable, not smart, not popular or feel like you are clumsy. There are many different psychological definitions of self esteem but according to the Bible it means

seeing yourself as God sees you.

Here is how God sees you: ..Whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye- Zechariah 2:8 .Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings- Psalm 17:8
The apple of the eye refers to the black dot (pupil) in the center of your eye that controls the amount of light that goes into your retina. To protect the pupil, the eyelids open and shut 15,000 times a day. Tears also lubricate and cleanse the eyes. The idea that we have here is that God will protect us because he values us just like the eyelids protect the eyes.

Other verses that point to our worth as individuals is that we are made in the image of God Genesis 1:26 and we are Gods treasured possession-Deuteronomy 7:6. The above verses point to the fact that as humans we are not junk or defective.

A Healthy Self Esteem- pt 2

A young person with a healthy self esteem will answer yes to the following questions- Am I worthy? Do I like myself? Am I worthy to be loved? Do I have the right to be happy? However, 75% of young people do not have a healthy self esteem and only 2% like the way their bodies look. This situation leads to the following cycle.

Low Self Esteem

Guilt and Failure

Low Self

Expectations

Less Production-ie low grades

You have observed the cycle of low self esteem which just keeps turning and turning in a persons life. For example, if a student has a low opinion of their abilities then they will expect less of themselves. This will lead to less production as in the case of low grades and the low grades lead to guilt and failure. Other characteristics of low self esteem include: being overly concerned about what people think, withdrawal, having suicidal thoughts, depression or addiction to drugs. A student with a low self esteem is hungry for approval and may start hanging out with the wrong crowd just to please someone. These are patterns that the Bible calls sin. This is not God plan for you. John 10:10 states that Christ came so that we can have an abundant life

A Healthy Self Esteem Pt. 3

A low self esteem can come from many sources but we look at mainly one source- the way your parents relate to you. Think of your upbringing as a mirror. How your parents treat you is the way you see yourself. If your parents are cool, if they treat you with respect and compliment you often, then when you look at that mirror you will see a healthy picture of yourself. However, if your parents treat you in a negative way you will see a distorted picture of yourself. There are seven negative mirrors: 1.The mirror of Im not loveable- caused by a lack of love, touch or embrace 2. The mirror of Im not worthy- caused by rejection 3. The mirror of I'm helpless- caused by parents that do everything for you. Overprotecting parents. 4. The mirror of Im weak- caused by parents who want to over control you. 5. The mirror of Im not good enough- caused by perfectionistic parents who think you cant do nothing right. 6. The mirror of Im bad or defective- caused by parents who shame you 7. The mirror of no one cares for me- caused by parents who are too busy. Now as they say the $64,000 dollar question-how do you fix the negative mirrors? Well, first of all none of us have perfect parents because we live in a sinful, fallen world. Your parents are probably trying to raise you the way they were raised by their parents and if you are not careful you will raise your children with the same sinful patterns. Something else is that nothing negative that your parents might tell you or may have told you should affect you unless you believe it. If in a fit of rage your dad calls you a dummie, it wont affect you unless you believe it. Also, remember we can also choose our friends but not our family. They are part of us forever and we have to find ways to get along. Finally, we are told that we are to forgive we are to forgive up to seventy times seven. Matthew 18:22

Self Esteem-Pt. 4
Consider the following : the choir director in the school after an audition tells you are not accepted into the choir, you get kicked out of a football team because of failing grades, a parent overcorrects you and slaps you on the face, a boyfriend dumps you, a teacher gets mad at you in front of the class or most people in your school are wearing designer clothes and you are wearing something your parents bought at Walmart. All of the above are examples of Shame. Shame is an emotion that we are born with and you see that even in toddlers when told no, no will hang their head in shame. Even a dog will feel shame when corrected. Shame is a normal reaction designed to keep us in check. However, there are some who do not process shame in a healthy way but in unhealthy ways. Psychiatrist Donald Nathanson has developed the Compass of Shame

. The Compass of Shame is explained above but I would add that under the reaction of Attack Self are students that cut their wrists and also those that quit eating and may develop Anorexia Nervosa which is a serious condition that requires professional help. To help you process your shame- think for a moment of a shameful experience you have had and how that may have affected you in a negative way. Then ask the Lord to heal you from that experience. But you, Lord are a shield around me, my glory, the one who lifts my head high.-Psalm 3:3

Self Esteem-Pt 5
Even after you leave parents home and start life on your own you might still str uggle with low self esteem. Many people suffer from low self esteem and that includes successful actors, attorneys and medical doctors. Criticism from Others Low self esteem can result from criticism, bullying, and people making fun of you. This we will encounter as long as we live. When someone criticizes you- do the following: Accept criticism that is constructive (designed to help you), then remember that nothing will affect you unless you believe in it, remember that your worth doesnt depend on what people think or say about you but what God says that you are and finally dont get defensive or mad. Your Inner Critic The Inner Critic is that little voice in your mind that that sends you thousand of negative messages every day. It never reminds you of positive things but just brings up your failures and the times you have blown it. It constantly tells you that you cant do this or that.

To defeat you Inner Critic do the following: be aware of it (I once had a student who had many negative messages going through his head to put a rubber on his wrist and snap it when his Inner Critic spoke. Something else that is important is to give you Inner Critic a name- mine is called Narizon- Nosey because he always wants to get in my business. Finally, tell him to stop and replace a negative thought with a positive thought. You are not alone. You might be surprised that many people in the Bible had a low self esteem and that includes David, Moses, Gideon, Mephibosheth, Saul and the Samaritan woman. God, however is the number one promoter of a healthy self esteem and wants people to see themselves as He sees them. Gospel singer Marcos Witt as a youth had a problem with low self esteem. Even as a youth he had a bed wetting problem and was called El Meon by others. One day a pastor shared the verse of Ephesians 1:6 that states that we are accepted in the Beloved and told him that one day his music would be known throughout the world. Remember that God loves you and sent his Son to carry your sins on the cross so that you can forgiveness and have the promise of eternal life. Others may not accept you or like you but you are accepted and loved by God. Why not invite Christ into your life now?

Healthy Self Esteem-Review

Name_______________________________

Pt. 1 Biblical self esteem is _________________ yourself as God sees you. God says that we are the _________________ of His eyes, Zechariah 2:8, Psalm 17:8 Pt.2 _____% of young people have low self esteem Low self esteem leads to low expectations which lead to__________ production which leads to guilt and failure Jesus came that we may have an___________________life. John 10:10. Pt. 3 The faulty mirror of Im not good enough is caused by ________________ parents. (starts with a P) We are to forgive our parents seventy times____________. Matthew 18:22 Pt. 4. Cutting yourself or not eating in the Compass of Shame is an example of attack_____________. God is the one who lifts our head high (confidence). Psalm 3:____ Pt. 5. As long as we live we will have people who will criticize us and also an Inner____________. (Starts with a C) Name one Bible character that had a self esteem problem___________________. God is the number __________promoter of healthy self esteem. We are _______________ in the Beloved. Ephesians 1:6