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The Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adams

AASLEAGH (n.)

A liqueur made only for drinking a he end of a re!ol ingly long bo le "ar y #hen all he drinkable drink has been drunk.

A$E%$EEG (!b.)

&f ama eur a' ors( o ado" a Me)i'an a''en #hen 'alled u"on o "lay any !arie y of foreigner (e)'e" *akis anis + from #hom a ,elsh a''en is 'onsidered suffi'ien ).

A$E%-%A.E (!b.)

To s rongly desire o s#ing from he "ole on he rear foo "la e of a bus.

A$E%/ST,/TH (n.)

A nos algi' yearning #hi'h is in i self more "leasan han he hing being yearned for.

A$0LE1E (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of he "leasing 'oolness on he re!erse side of he "illo#.

A$01GE% (n.)

&ne #ho #ashes u" e!ery hing e)'e" he frying "an( he 'heese gra er and he sau'e"an #hi'h he 'ho'ola e sau'e has been made in.

A$&/1E (!b.)

To bea an e)"er a a game of skill by "laying so a""allingly ha none of his 'le!er a' i's or s ra egies are of any use o him.

A-LE (n.)

The rouge "in #hi'h shir makers 'on'eal in he mos im"robable fold of a ne# shir . 0 s fun' ion is o s ab you #hen you don he garmen .

ADLEST%&* (n.)

Tha "ar of a sui 'ase #hi'h is designed o ge snarled u" on 'on!eyor bel s a air"or s. Some of he more modern adles ro" designs ha!e a s"e'ial 3qui'k release3 fea ure #hi'h enables he 'ase o fli" o"en a his "oin and fling your under'lo hes in o he 'on!eyor bel 3s gearing me'hanism.

AD%0G&LE (n.)

The 'en re"ie'e of a merry+go+round on #hi'h he man #i h he i'ke s s ands unner!ingly s ill.

A44-&T (n.)

The sor of far you ho"e "eo"le #ill alk af er.

A44*5DDLE (n.)

A "uddle #hi'h is hidden under a "i!o ed "a!ing s one. /ou only kno# i 3s here #hen you s e" on he "a!ing s one and he "uddle shoo s u" your leg.

AGGLETH&%*E (n.)

A dis"u e be #een #o "oo!es in a bou ique.

AHE11/ (ad2.)

The #ay "eo"le s and #hen e)amining o her "eo"le3s bookshel!es.

A0G$5%TH (n.)

Any "ie'e of readily iden ifiable ana omy found amongs 'ooked mea .

A01DE%$/ 65E%1H&, (n.)

&ne #ho 'on inually bemoans he 3loss3 of he #ord 3gay3 o he English language( e!en hough hey had ne!er used he #ord in any 'on e) a all un il hey s ar ed 'om"laining ha hey 'ouldn3 use i any more.

A01DE%$/ STEE*LE (n.)

&ne #ho asks you a ques ion #i h he a""aren mo i!e of #an ing o hear your ans#er( bu #ho 'u s shor your o"ening sen en'e by leaning for#ard and saying 3and 03ll ell you #hy 0 ask...3 and hen alking solidly for he ne) hour.

A01S,&%TH (n.)

The leng h of ime i akes o ge ser!ed in a 'amera sho". Hen'e( also( ho# long #e #ill ha!e o #ai for he aboli ion of in'ome a) or he Se'ond -oming.

A0%D &4 SLEAT (n. ar'hai')

An'ien S'o ish 'urse "la'ed from afar on he s re 'h of land no# o''u"ided by Hea hro# Air"or .

A0TH (n.)

The single bris le ha s i'ks ou side#ays on a 'hea" "ain brush.

AL$565E%65E (n.)

A sha"eless squiggle #hi'h is u erly unlike your normal signa ure( bu #hi'h is( ne!er heless( all you are able o "rodu'e #hen asked formally o iden ify yourself. Muslims( #hose religion forbids he making of gra!en images( use albuquerques o de'ora e heir o#els( menu 'ards and "y2amas.

ALD-L51E (n.)

&ne #ho 'olle' s en+year+old ele"hone dire' ories.

ALLTAM0 (n.)

The an'ien ar of being able o balan'e he ho and 'old sho#er a"s.

AM$LES0DE (n.)

A alk gi!en abou he 4a' s of Life by a fa her o his son #hils #alking in he garden on a Sunday af ernoon.

AME%SHAM (n.)

The snee7e #hi'h i'kles bu ne!er 'omes. (Though o deri!e from he Me ro"oli an Line ube s a ion of he same name #here he rails al#ays ra le bu he rain ne!er arri!es.)

AML,-H (n.)

A $ri ish %ail sand#i'h #hi'h has been ke" sof by being regularly #ashed and resealed in 'lingfilm.

A%AGL01 (n. ar'hai')

A medie!al "ra' i'al 2oke "layed by young squires on a knigh as"iran he af ernoon he is due o s ar his !igil. As he knigh arri!es a he 'as le he squires a em" o raise he dra#bridge !ery suddenly as he knigh and his 'harger s e" on o i .

A%D-%&1/ (n.)

A remo e a'quain an'e "assed off as 3a !ery good friend of mine3 by someone rying o im"ress "eo"le.

A%DS-AL*S0E (n.)

E)'use made by rural ,elsh hairdresser for 'om"le ely massa'ring your hair.

A%DS-5LL (n.)

E)'use made by rural ,elsh hairdresser for dee" #ounds infli' ed on your s'al" in an a em" o re' ify #ha e!er i #as ha indu'ed he ards'al"sie (q.!.).

A%DSL0G10SH (ad2.)

Ad2e' i!e #hi'h des'ribes he beha!iour of Sello a"e #hen you are ired.

A%T0-LA.E (n.)

A 'le!er ar'hi e' ural 'ons ru' ion designed o gi!e he illusion from he o" de'k of a bus ha i is far oo big for he road.

A/1H& (!b.)

&f #ai ers( ne!er o ha!e a "en.

$A$,&%TH

Some hing #hi'h 2us ifies ha!ing a really good 'ry.

$ALD&-8

The shar" "rong on he o" of a ree s um" #here he ree has sna""ed off before being 'om"le ely sa#n hrough.

$ALL/-5M$E%

&ne of he si) half+read books lying some#here in your bed.

$A144

*er aining o( or des'ri" i!e of( ha kind of fa'ial e)"ression #hi'h is im"ossible o a'hie!e e)'e" #hen ha!ing a "ass"or "ho ogra"h aken.

$A1TEE%

A lus y and rau'ous old ballad sung af er a "ar i'ulary s"e' a'ular araglin (q.!.) has been "ulled off.

$A%ST0$LE/

A humorous de!i'e su'h as a 'hina horse or small naked "or'elain infan #hi'h 2o'ular hos s use of "iss #a er in o your S'o 'h #i h.

$A5GH5%ST

Tha kind of large fier'e ugly #oman #ho o#ns a small fier'e ugly dog.

$A5M$E%

A fi ed elas i'a ed bo om shee #hi'h urns your ma ress bananasha"ed.

$EAL01GS

The unsa!oury "ar s of a moa #hi'h a knigh has o "our ou of his armour af er being he !i' im of an araglin (q.!.). 0n medie!al 4landers( sou" made from bealins #as a !ery sligh ly sough +af er deli'a'y.

$EA5L0E5 H0LL

The o" imum !an age "oin from #hi'h one o !ie# "eo"le undressing in he bedroom a'ross he s ree .

$E--LES

The small bone bu ons "la'ed in ba'on sand#i'hes by unem"loyed guerrilla den is .

$ED4&1T

A lur'hing sensa ion in he "i of he s oma'h e)"erien'ed a breakfas in a ho el( o''asioned by he realisa ion ha i is abou no# ha he 'hamber+ maid #ill ha!e dis'o!ered he embarrassing s ain on your bo om shee .

$EL*E%

A knob of someone else3s 'he#ing gum #hi'h you une)"e' edly find your hand res ing on under a de'k3s o"( under he "assenger sea of your 'ar or on somebody3s high under heir skir .

$E1$5%$

The sor of man #ho be'omes a re urning offi'er.

$E%E**E%

The irre!o'able and s urdy far released in he "resen'e of royal y( #hi'h sounds qui e like a small mo orbike "assing by (bu no enough o be 'onfused #i h one).

$E%8HAMSTED

The massi!e hree+'ourse midmorning blo#+ou en2oyed by a die er #ho has already done his or her slimming du y by ha!ing a eas"oonful of 'o age 'heese for breakfas .

$E%/ *&ME%&/

9. The sha"e of a gourme 3s li"s. :. The dro"le of sali!a #hi'h hangs from hem.

$0L$STE%

A "im"le so hideous and enormous ha you ha!e o 'o!er i #i h s i'king "las er and "re end you3!e 'u yourself sha!ing.

$0SH&*3S -A51DLE

An o"ening gambi before a game of 'hess #hereby he missing "ie'es are re"la'ed by small ornamen s from he man el"ie'e.

$LEA1

S'ien ifi' measure of luminosi y ; 9 glimmer < 9==(=== bleans. 5shere es3 or'hes are designed o "rodu'e be #een :.> and ? bleans( enabling hem o assis you in falling do#ns airs( reading on "eo"le or "u ing your hand in o a 1ea"oli an ub #hen rea'hing for 'hange.

$L0TH$5%/

A look someone gi!es you by #hi'h you be'ome a#are ha hey3re mu'h oo drunk o ha!e unders ood any hing you3!e said o hem in he las #en y minu es.

$L0TTE%LESS

The li le sli!ers of bamboo "i'ked off a 'ane 'hair by a ner!ous gues #hi'h li er he 'ar"e benea h and ell he 'hair3s o#ner ha he #hole "ie'e of furni ure is abou o un'oil erribly and slo#ly un il i resembles a gian "en'il shar"ening.

$&DM01

The irra ional and ine!i able dis're"an'y be #een he amoun "ooled and he amoun needed #hen a large grou" of "eo"le ry o "ay a bill oge her af er a meal.

$&LS&.E%

&ne of hose bro#n "las i' rays #i h bum"s on( "la'ed u"side do#n in bo)es of 'ho'ola es o make you hink you3re+ge ing #o layers.

$&18LE

&f "lumbing in old ho els( o make loud and une)"lained noises in he nigh ( "ar i'ularly a abou fi!e o3'lo'k in he morning.

$&&LTEE1S

The small s'a erings of foreign 'oins and half+"3s #hi'h inhabi dressing ables. Sin'e hey are ne!er used and ne!er hro#n a#ay bool eens a''oun for a signifi'an drain on he #orld3s money su""ly.

$&&TH$/ G%A44&E

9. The man in he "ub #ho sla"s "eo"le on he ba'k as if hey #ere old friends( #hen in fa' he has no friends( largely on a''oun of his habi . :. Any s ory old by %ober Morley on 'ha sho#s.

$&S-ASTLE

A huge "yramid of in 'ans "la'ed 2us inside he en ran'e o a su"ermarke .

$&SEMA1

&ne #ho s"ends all day loafing abou near "edes rian 'rossing looking as if he3s abou o 'ross.

$&T-HE%$/

The "rin'i"le by #hi'h $ri ish roads are sign"os ed.

$&TLE/

The "rominen s ain on a man3s rouser 'ro 'h seen on his re urn from he la!a ory. A bo ley "ro"er is 'aused by an a''iden #i h he "ush a"s( and should no be 'onfused #i h any s ain 'aused by insuffi'ien #aggling of he #illy.

$&T&L*HS

Huge benign umours #hi'h ar'hdea'ons and old 'hemis y ea'hers affe' o #ear on he sides of heir noses.

$&T5S4LEM01G

A small( long+handled s eel ro#el used by surgeons o remo!e he 'on en s of a "a ien 3s nos rils "rior o a sinus o"era ion.

$%AD4&%D

A s'hool ea'her3s old hairy 2a'ke ( no# se!erely dis'oloured by 'halk dus ( ink( egg and he "re'i"i a ions of unedifying 'hemi'al rea' ions.

$%AD,&%TH/

&ne #ho is skilled in he ar of naming loa!es.

$%E-&1

Tha "ar of he oenail #hi'h is designed o snag on nylon shee s.

$%0S$A1E

A "erfe' ly reasonable e)"lana ion (Su'h as he one offered by a "erson #i h a gurgling 'ough #hi'h has no hing o do #i h he fa' ha hey smoke fif y 'igare es a day.)

$%&ATS

A "air of rousers #i h a 'areer behind hem. $roa s are mos 'ommonly seen on elderly re ired army offi'ers. &riginally he bra s #ere "ar of heir bes sui ba'k in he hir ies@ hen in he fif ies hey #ere demoun ed and used for gardening. %e'en ly "ensions no being #ha hey #ere( he broa s ha!e been 'alled ou of re iremen and reins a ed as "ar of he bes sui again.

$%&M*T&1

A brom on is ha #hi'h is said o ha!e been 'ommi ed #hen you are 'on!in'ed you are abou o blo# off #i h a resounding rum"e ing noise in a "ubli' "la'e and all ha a' ually sli"s ou is a iny 3"f" 3.

$%&MSG%&.E

Any urban en!ironmen 'on aining a small amoun of dog urd and abou for y+fi!e ons of ben s eel "ylon or a lum" of 'on're e #i h holes 'laiming o be s'ul" ure. 3&h( 'ome my dear( and 'ome #i h me. And #ander 3nea h he bromsgro!e ree3 + $e 2eman.

$%&5GH S&,E%$/

&ne #ho has been #orking a ha same desk in he same offi'e for fif een years and has !ery mu'h his o#n ideas abou #hy he is 'on inually "assed o!er for "romo ion.

$%5M$/

The fake an ique "las i' seal on a "re en ious #hisky bo le.

$%/M$&

The single una""e ising bun lef in a baker3s sho" af er four ".m.

$5D$/

A ni""le 'learly defined hrough flimsy or #e ma erial.

$5DE A "oli e 2oke reser!ed for use in he "resen'e of !i'ars.

$5LD&&&

a !irulen red+'oloured "us #hi'h generally a''om"anies 'lonmul (q.!.) and sandberge (q.!.)

$5%$AGE

The sound made by a lif ful of "eo"le all rying o brea he "oli ely hrough heir noses.

$5%ES

The s'abs on knees and elbo#s formed by a 'om"ulsion o make lo!e on 'hea" Habi a floor+ma ing.

$5%LEST&1

Tha "e'uliarly uneless humming and #his ling ado" ed by "eo"le #ho are e) remely angry.

$5%L01GA&$$

A se!en een h+'en ury 'rime by #hi'h e)'remen is hro#n in o he s ree from a ground+floor #indo#.

$5%1T /ATES

-ondi ion o #hi'h ya es (q.!.) #ill suddenly "ass #i hou any a""aren in er!ie#ing "eriod( af er he s"iri of he hro'kmor on (q.!.) has finally been summoned by in'essan hro'king (q.!.)

$5%SLED&1

The bluebo le one is oo ired o ge u" and s ar ( bu no ired enough o slee" hrough.

$5%T&1 -&GGLES

A bun'h of keys found in a dra#er #hose "ur"ose has long been forgo en( and #hi'h 'an herefore no# be used only for dro""ing do#n "eo"le3s ba'ks as a 'ure for nose+bleeds.

$5%,ASH

The "leasurable 'ool sloosh of "uddle #a er o!er he oes of your gumboo s.

-AA%1D51-A1 (n.)

The high+"i 'hed and insis en 'ry of he young female human urging one of i s "eer grou" o do some hing dangerous on a 'liff+edge or "ie'e of o)i' #as e ground.

-A0%1*AT (n.)

A large "ie'e of dried dung found in moun ainous errain abo!e he 'o#line #hi'h leads he e)"erien'ed ra'ker o belie!e ha hikers ha!e re'en ly "assed.

-AME% (n.)

A mis+ ossed 'aber.

-A11&-8 -HASE (n.)

0n any bo) of Af er Eigh Min s( here is al#ays a large number of em" y en!elo"es and no more ha four or fi!e a' ual min s. The 'anno'k 'hase is he "ro'ess by #hi'h( no ma er #hi'h "ar of he bo) of en( you #ill al#ays e) ra' mos of he em" y sa'he s before "inning do#n an a' ual mino ( or 3'anno'k3. The 'anno'k 'hase also o''urs #i h "eo"le #ho "u heir dead ma 'hes ba'k in he ma 'hbo)( and hen embarrass hemsel!es a "ar ies rying o ligh 'igare es #i h ree quar ers of an in'h of 'har'oal. The erm is also used o des'ribe fu ile a em" s o "ursue uns'ru"ulous ad!er ising agen'ies #ho ni'k your ideas o sell 'ho'ola es #i h.

-HE10ES ("l.n.)

The las fe# s"rigs or assels of las -hris mas3s de'ora ion you no i'e on he 'eiling #hile lying on he sofa on an Augus af ernoon.

-H0-AG& (n.)

The foul+smelling #ind #hi'h "re'edes an underground rail#ay rain.

-H0**01G &1GA% (n.)

The disgus and embarrassmen (or 3ongar3) fel by an obser!er in he "resen'e of a "erson fes ooned #i h kirbies (q.!.) #hen hey don3 kno# hem #ell enough o ell hem o #i"e hem off( in!ariably his 3ongar3 is a''om"anied by an in!olun ary s a''a o #i 'hing of he leg (or 3'hi""ing3)

-LA$$/ (ad2.)

A 3'labby3 'on!ersa ion is one s u'k u" by a 'ommissionaire or 'leaning lady in order o a!oid any fur her a' ual #ork. The o"ening gambi is usually designed o "ro!oke he ma)imum 'onfusion( and herefore he longes "ossible 'labby 'on!ersa ion. 0 is !i ally im"or an o learn he 'orre' ( or 3'li)by3 (q.!.)( res"onses o a 'labby gambi ( and no o ge ra""ed by a 3di hering on3 (q.!.). 4or ins an'e( if 'onfron ed #i h a 'labby gambi su'h as 3&h( mr Smi h( 0 didn3 kno# you3d had your leg off3( he di hering on res"onse is 30 ha!en3 ....3 #hereas he 'li)by is 3good.3

-LA-8A.&0D (n.)

Te'hni'al $$- erm for a "age of dialogue from $lake3s Se!en.

-LA-8MA11A1 (n.)

The sound made by kno'king o!er an ele"han 3s+foo umbrella s and full of #alking s i'ks. Hen'e name for a "ar i'ular kind of dis'o drum riff.

-LATH/ (ad2.)

1er!ously inde'isi!e abou ho# safely o dis"ose of a dud ligh bulb.

-LE1-H,A%T&1 (n. ar'hai')

&ne #ho assis s an e)or'is by squee7ing #hi'he!er "ar of he "ossessed he e)or'is deems useful.

-L0B$/ (ad2.)

*oli ely rude. $riskly !ague. 4irmly uninforma i!e.

-L&1M5LT (n.)

A yello# oo7e usually found near se're ions of buldoo (q.!.) and sadberge (q.!.)

-L&.0S (q.!.)

&ne #ho a' ually looks for#ard o "u ing u" he -hris mas de'ora ions in he offi'e.

-L51 (n.)

A leg #hi'h has gone o slee" and has o be hauled around af er you.

-L51ES ("l.n.)

*eo"le #ho 2us #on3 go.

-&1D&.E% (n.)

&ne #ho is em"loyed o s and abou all day bro#sing hrough he maga7ine ra'ks in he ne#sagen .

-&1G (n.)

S range+sha"ed me al u ensil found a he ba'k of he sau'e"an 'u"board. Many au hori ies belie!e ha 'ongs "ro!ide 'on'lusi!e "roof of he e)is en'e of a no# e) in' form of yello# !ege able #hi'h he .i' orians used o boil mer'ilessly.

-&%4E (n.)

An ob2e' #hi'h is almos o ally indis inguishable from a ne#s"a"er( he one 'ru'ial differen'e being a i belongs o somebody else and is una''oun ably mu'h more in eres ing ha your o#n + #hi'h may o her#ise a""ear o be in all res"e' s iden i'al. Though i is a rule of life ha a rain or o her "ubli' "la'e may 'on ain any number of 'orfes bu only one ne#s"a"er( i is qui e "ossible o ransform your o#n "erfe' ly ordinary ne#s"a"er in o a 'orfe by he sim"le e)"edien of le ing somebody else read i.

-&%45 (n.)

The dulles "erson you me during he 'ourse of your holiday. Also he only one #ho failed o unders and ha he e)'hanging of addresses a he end of a holiday is merely a so'ial ri ual and is absolu ely no an in!i a ion o "hone you u" and urn u" unannoun'ed on your doors e" hree mon hs la er.

-&%%0EA%8LET (n.)

The momen a #hi'h #o "eo"le a""roa'hing from o""osi e ends of a long "assage#ay( re'ognise ea'h o her and immedia ely "re end hey ha!en3 . This is o a!oid he ghas ly embarrassmen of ha!ing o 'on inue re'ognising ea'h o her he #hole leng h of he 'orridor.

-&%%0E-%A.0E (n.)

To a!er he horrors of 'orrie!orrie (q.!.) 'orrie'ra!ie is usually em"loyed. This is he 'o#ardly bu highly skilled "ro'ess by #hi'h bo h "ro agonis s 'on inue o a""roa'h #hile kee"ing u" he "re en'e ha hey ha!en3 no i'ed ea'h o her + by s aring furiously a heir fee ( grima'ing in o a no ebook( or s udying he #alls 'losely as if in a mood of dee" irri a ion.

-&%%0ED&& (n.)

The 'ru'ial momen of false re'ogni ion in a long "assage#ay en'oun er. Though bo h "eo"le are "erfe' ly #ell a#are ha he o her is a""roa'hing( hey mus e!en ually "re end sudden re'ogni ion. They no# look u" #i h a glassy smile( as if ha!ing s"o ed ea'h o her for he firs ime( (and are "ar i'ularly deligh ed o ha!e done so) shou ing ou 3HaaaaaalllllooooC3 as if o say 3Good griefCC /ouCC HereCC &f all "eo"leC ,ill 0 ne!er. -oo. S ab me !i als( e '.3

-&%%0EM&0LL0E (n.)

The dreadful sinking sensa ion in a long "assage#ay en'oun er #hen bo h "ro agonis s immedia ely realise hey ha!e "lum"ed for he 'orriedoo (q.!.) mu'h oo early as hey are s ill a good hir y yards a"ar . They #ere embarrassed by he "re en'e of 'orrie'ra!ie (q.!.) and de'ided o make use of he 'orriedoo be'ause hey fel silly. This #as a mis ake as 'orrie!orrie (q.!.) #ill make hem seem far sillier.

-&%%0E.&%%0E (n.)

-orridor e ique e demands ha one a 'orriedoo (q.!.) has been de'lared( 'orrie!orrie mus be em"loyed. $o h "ro agonis s mus no# embellish heir a""roa'h #i h an embarrassing 'ombina ion of #a!ing( grinning( making idio fa'es( doing "ira e im"ressions( and #aggling he head from side o side #hile holding he o her "erson3s eyes as he smile dri"s off heir fa'e( un il #i h grea relief( hey "ass ea'h o her.

-&%%0EM5-HL&-H (n.)

,ord des'ribing he kind of "erson #ho 'an make a 'om"le e mess of a sim"le 2ob like #alking do#n a 'orridor.

-&%ST&%*H01E (n.)

A !ery shor "erem" ory ser!i'e held in monas eries "rior o ea ime o offer hanks for he benedi' ion of diges i!e bis'ui s.

-&TTE%ST&-8 (n.)

A "ie'e of #ood used o s ir "ain and hereaf er s ored uselessly in a shed in "er"e ui y.

-%A0L (n. mineral)

-rail is a 'ommon kind of ro'k or gra!el found #idely a'ross he $ri ish 0sles. Ea'h indi!idual s one (due o an as ye undis'o!ered gra!i a ional "ro"er y) is 'harged #i h 3nega i!e buoyan'y3. This means ha no ma er ho# mu'h 'rail you remo!e from he garden( more of i #ill rise o he surfa'e. -rail is mu'h em"loyed by he %oyal 1a!y for making he "a"er#eigh s and ash rays used inside submarines.

-%A1LE0GH (n.)

A mood of irra ional irri a ion #i h e!eryone and e!ery hing.

-%&MA%T/ (n.)

The bri le sludge #hi'h 'lings o he o" of ke 'hu" bo les and "las i' oma oes in nas y 'afes.

-5%%/ MALLET (n.)

A large #ooden or rubber 'ub #hi'h "oa'hers use o des"a 'h 'a s or o her game #hi'h hey 'an only sell o 0ndian res uran s. 4or "ar i'ulary small 'a s he "ri'e ob ainable is no #or h he 'os of e)"ending ammuni ion.

DAL%/M*LE (n.)

Dalarym"les are he hings you "ay e) ra for on "ie'es of hand+made 'raf #ork + he rough edges( he "ain smudges and he holes in he gla7ing.

DAM1AGLA5% (n.)

A 'er ain fa'ial e)"ression #hi'h a' ors are required o demons ra e heir mas ery of before hey are allo#ed o "lay Ma'$e h.

DA%E1TH (n.)

Measure < =.====9DE mg. Defined as ha amoun of margarine 'a"able of 'o!ering one hundred sli'es of bread o he de" h of one mole'ule. This is he legal ma)imum allo#ed in sand#i'h bars in Grea er London.

DEAL (n.)

The gummy subs an'e found be #een dam" oes.

DEE*01G ST 10-H&LAS (n.)

,ha s ree +#ise kids do a -hris mas. They hide on he roof o"s #ai ing for San a -laus so ha if he arri!es and goes do#n he 'himney( hey 'an ri" s uff off from his sleigh.

DES M&01ES ("l.n.)

The #o li le lines #hi'h 'ome do#n from your nose.

DET-HA1T (n.)

Tha "ar of a hymn (usually a fe# no es a he end of a !erse) #here he une goes so high or lo# ha you suddenly ha!e o 'hange o' a!es o a''ommoda e i .

DET-HA1T (n.)

(&f he hands or fee .) *runelike af er an o!erlong ba h.

D0D-&T (n.)

The iny oddly+sha"ed bi of 'ard #hi'h a i'ke ins"e' or 'u s ou of a i'ke #i h his 'li""er for no a""aren reason. 0 is a li le+kno#n fa' ha he 'onfe i a *rin'ess Margare 3s #edding #as made u" of housands of did'o s 'olle' ed by ins"e' ors on he %oyal Train. D0DL01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The "ro'ess of rying o #ork ou #ho did i #hen reading a #hodunni ( and rying o kee" your o" ions o"en so ha #hen you find ou you 'an allo# yourself o hink ha you kne# "erfe' ly #ell #ho i #as all along.

D0LL/T&* (n.)

The kind of ba h "lug #hi'h for some una''oun able reason is a' ually designed o si on o" of he hole ra her han fi in o i .

D0$$LE (!b.)

To ry o remo!e a s i'ky some hing from one hand #i h he o her( hus 'ausing i o ge s u'k o he o her hand and e!en ually o any hing else you ry o remo!e i #i h.

D0THE%01GT&1 (n)

Sudden a''ess o "ani' e)"erien'ed by one #ho realises ha he is being dra#n ine)orably in o a 'labby (q.!.) 'on!ersion( i.e. one he has no ho"e of en2oying( benefi ing from or unders anding.

D0TT0SHAM (n.)

Any musi' you hear on he radio o #hi'h you ha!e o lis en !ery 'arefully o de ermine #he her i is an ad!er ising 2ingle or a bona fide re'ord.

D&$,ALLS ("l.n.)

The no# hard+boiled bi s of nas iness #hi'h ha!e o be "rised off 'ro'kery by hand af er i has been hrough a dish#asher.

D&$,ALLS ("l.n.)

The no# hard+boiled bi s of nas iness #hi'h ha!e o be "rised off 'ro'kery by hand af er i has been hrough a dish#asher.

D&-8E%/ (n.)

4a'e ious beha!iour ado" ed by an a''used man in he mis aken belief ha his #ill endear him o he 2udge.

D&GD/8E (!b.)

&f dog+o#ners( o ado" he absurd "re en'e ha he animal shi ing in he gu er is no hing o do #i h hem.

D&LEGELLA5 (n.)

The 'lum"( or 'lus er( of bored( quie ly enraged( mildly embarrassed men #ai ing for heir #i!es o 'ome ou of a 'hanging room in a dress sho".

D&%-HESTE% (n.)

A hroa y 'ough by someone else so imed as o obs'ure he 'ru'ial "ar of he ra her amusing remark you3!e 2us made.

D&%%0DGE (n.)

Te'hni'al erm for one of he lame e)'uses #ri en in !ery small "rin on he side of "a'ke s of food or #ashing "o#der o e)"lain #hy here3s hardly any hing inside. E)am"les in'lude 3-on en s may ha!e se led in ransi 3 and 3To kee" ea'h bis'ui fresh hey ha!e been indi!idually #ra""ed in sil!er "a"er and 'ello"hane and se"ara ed #i h 'orruga ed lining( a 'ardboard fla"( and hea!y indus rial yres3.

D%A44A1 (n.)

An infuria ing "erson #ho al#ays manages o look mu'h more dashing ha anyone else by urning u" unsha!en and hango!er a a formal "ar y.

D%E$LE/ (n.)

1ame for a sho" #hi'h is su""osed o be #i y bu is in fa' #earisome( e.g. 3The 4ro'k E)'hange3( 3Hair A""aren 3( e '.

D%&0T,0-H (n.)

A s ree dan'e. The #o "ar ners a""roa'h from o""osi e dire' ions and ry "oli ely o ge ou of ea'h o her3s #ay. They s e" o he lef ( s e" o he righ ( a"ologise( s e" o he lef again( a"ologise again( bum" in o ea'h o her and re"ea as of en as unne'essary.

D5$565E (n.)

A look gi!en by a su"erior "erson o someone #ho has arri!ed #earing he #rong sor of shoes.

D5D&& (n.)

The mos deformed "o a o in any gi!en 'olle' ion of "o a oes.

D5GGLE$/ (n.)

The "erson in fron of you in he su"ermarke queue #ho has 2us unloaded a bulging rolley on o he 'on!eyor bel and is no# in he "ro'ess of rying o #ork ou #hi'h "o'ke hey lef heir 'heque book in( and indeed #hi'h "air of rousers.

D5LEE8 (n.)

Sudden realisa ion( as you lie in bed #ai ing for he alarm o go off( ha i should ha!e gone off an hour ago.

D5L5TH (ad2.)

The smell of a a)i ou of #hi'h "eo"le ha!e 2us go .

D51$A% (n.) A highly s"e'ialised fis'al erm used solely by urns ile o"era i!es a %egne 3s *ar 7oo. 0 refers o he !ariable amoun of in'rease in he !ariable ga e akings on a Sunday af ernoon( 'aused by "ersons going o he 7oo be'ause hey are in lo!e and belie!e ha he feeling of roman'e #ill be someho# enhan'ed by he smell of "an her s#ea and rank in'on inen'e in he re" ile house.

D51$&/1E (n.)

The momen of realisa ion ha he rain you ha!e 2us "a ien ly #a 'hed "ulling ou of he s a ion #as he one you #ere mean o be on.

D51-%AGG&1 (n.)

The name of -harles $ronson3s re iremen 'o age.

D51GE1ESS (n.)

The uneasy feeling ha he "las i' handles of he o!erloaded su"ermarke 'arrier bag you are 'arrying are ge ing s eadily longer.

D51T0SH (ad2.)

Men ally in'a"a'i a ed by se!ere hango!er.

EAST ,0TTE%01G (n.)

The same as #es #i ering (q.!.) only i 3s you hey3!e rying o ge a#ay from.

EDG$AST&1 (n.)

The s"are sea +'ushion 'arried by a London bus( #hi'h is "la'ed agains he rear bum"er #hen he dri!er #ishes o indi'a e ha he bus has broken do#n. 1o one kno#s ho# his 'harming old 'us om origina ed or ho# long i #ill 'on inue.

EL/ (n.)

The firs ( inies inkling you ge ha some hing( some#here( has gone erribly #rong.

EMS,&%TH (n.)

Measure of ime and noiselessness defined as he momen be #een he doors of a lif 'losing and i beginning o mo!e.

E**01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The fu ile mo!emen s of forefingers and eyebro#s used #hen failing o a ra' he a en ion of #ai ers and barmen.

E*S&M (n.)

An en ry in a diary (su'h as a da e or a se of ini ials) or a name and address in your address book( #hi'h you ha!en3 he fain es idea #ha i 3s doing here.

E*,&%TH (n.)

The "re'ise !alue of he usefulness of e""ing (q.!.) i is a li le+kno#n fa' han an earlier draf of he final line of he film Gone #i h he ,ind had -lark Gable saying 34rankly my dear( i don3 gi!e an e"#or h3( he line being e!en ually 'hanged on he grounds ha i migh no be unders ood in -le!eland.

E%0$&LL (n.)

A bro#n bubble of 'heese 'on aining gaseous ma er #hi'h gro#s on #elsh rarebi . 0 #as Sir Ale)ander 4lemming3s s udy of eribolls #hi'h led( indire' ly( o his dis'o!ery of he fa' ha he didn3 like #elsh rarebi !ery mu'h.

ESHE% (n.)

&ne of hose "ush a"es ins alled in "ubli' #ashrooms enabling he user o #ash heir rousers #i hou a' ually ge ing in o he basin. The mos "o#erful esher of re'en years #as 3dam"ed do#n3 by %ed Adair af er an in'redible si) y+eigh days3 figh in Man'hes er3s *i''adilly S a ion.

E.E%S-%EE-H (n.)

The look gi!en by a grou" of "oli e( angry "eo"le o a rude( 'alm queue+ barger.

E,ELME (n.)

The smile bes o#ed on you by an air hos ess.

EBETE% (n.)

All ligh household and ele' ri'al goods 'on ain a number of !i al 'om"onen s "lus a leas one e)e er. 0f you3!e 2us mended a fuse( 'hanged a bulb or fi)ed a blender( he e)e er is he small( fla or round "las i' or bakeli e "ie'e lef o!er #hi'h means you ha!e o undo e!ery hing and s ar all o!er again.

4A0%/M&51T (!b.n.)

*oli e #ord for buggery.

4A%D5-8MA1T&1 (n. ar'hai')

An an'ien edi' ( mys eriously omi ed from he Domesday $ook( requiring ha he feeding of fo#l on !illage "onds should be 'arried ou equi ably.

4A%1HAM (n.)

The feeling you ge abou four o3'lo'k in he af ernoon #hen you ha!en3 go enough done.

4A%%A1-ASS0D/ (n.)

A long and ul ima ely unsu''essful a em" o undo someone3s bra.

4EA8LE (!b.) To make fa'ial e)"ressions similar o hose ha old gen lemen make o young girls in he "layground.

4015GE (!b.)

0n any di!ision of foods uffs equally be #een se!eral "eo"le( o gi!e yourself he e) ra sli'e lef o!er.

4051A%/ (n.)

The safe "la'e you "u some hing and hen forge #here i #as.

4L0M$/ (n.)

&ne of hose irri a ing handle+less sli""ery ranslu'en "las i' bags you ge in su"ermarke s #hi'h( no ma er ho# you hold hem( al#ays 'on ri!e o le some hing fall ou .

4L&D0GA%%/ (n. S'o s)

An ankle+leng h gabardine or oilskin ar"aulin #orn by dee"+sea herring fishermen in Arbroa h and "ubli'ans in Glasgo#.

4&01DLE (!b.)

To queue+2um" !ery dis'ree ly by #orking one3s #ay u" he line #i hou being s"o ed doing so.

4&%S01A01 (n. ar'hai')

The righ of he lord of he manor o moles d#ar!es on heir bir hdays.

4&.A1T (n.)

A a)i dri!er3s ges ure( a raised hand "oin ed ou of he #indo# #hi'h "ur"or s o mean 3 hank you3 and a' ually means 3fu'k off ou of he #ay3.

4%ADDAM (n.)

The small a#k#ard+sha"ed "ie'e of 'heese #hi'h remains af er gra ing a large regular+sha"ed "ie'e of 'heese and enables you o 'u your fingers.

4%AML01GHAM (n.)

A kind of burglar alarm usage. 0 is 'unningly designed so ha i 'an ring a full !olume in he s ree #i hou a""aren ly dis urbing anyone. & her y"es of framlingams are burglar alarms fi ed o business "remises in residen ial areas( #hi'h go off as a ma er of regular rou ine a >.F9 ".m. on a 4riday e!ening and do no ge urned off il G.:= a.m. on Monday morning.

4%A1T (n.)

Measure. The legal minimum dis an'e be #een #o rains on he Dis ri' and -ir'le line of he London 5nderground. A fran ( #hi'h mus be no less han 9:: 'hains (or H leagues) long( is no 'onne' ed in any #ay #i h he ad2e' i!e 3fran i'3 #hi'h 'omes o us by a 'om"le ely differen rou e (as indeed do he rains).

4%AT01G G%EE1 (ad2.)

The shade of green #hi'h is su""osed o make you feel 'omfor able in hos"i als( indus rious in s'hools and uneasy in "oli'e s a ions.

4%0MLE/ (n.)

E)aggera ed 'arefree saun er ado" ed by 1orman ,isdom as an immedia e "relude o dro""ing do#n an o"en manhole.

4%01G (n.)

The noise made by ligh bulb #hi'h has 2us shone i s las .

4%&LES,&%TH (n.)

Measure. The minimum ime i is ne'essary o s"end fro#ning in dee" 'on'en ra ion a ea'h "i' ure in an ar gallery in order ha e!eryone else doesn3 hink you3!e a 'om"le e moron.

4%&SSES ("l.n.)

The le'herous looks e)'hanged be #een si) een+year+olds a a "ar y gi!en by someone3s "aren s.

45L801G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

*re ending no o be in #hen he 'arol+singers 'ome round.

GALASH0ELS ("l.n.)

A form of "ar i'ularly long s"arse sideburns #hi'h are "ar of he manda ory uniform of $ri ish %ail guards.

GALL0*&L0 (ad2.)

&f he beha!iour of a bo om li" rying o s"i mou h#ash af er an in2e' ion a he den is . Hen'e( loose( flo""y( useless. 3She #en suddenly Galli"oli in his arms3 + 1oel -o#ard.

GA1GES (n. rare ; 'olonial 0ndian)

Leg+rash 'on ra' ed from "laying oo mu'h "olo. (0 is a li le+kno#n fa' ha *rin'e -harles is roubled by ganges do#n he inside of his arms.)

GASTA%D (n.)

5seful s"e'ially ne#+'oined #ord for an illegi ima e 'hild (in order o dis inguish i from someone #ho merely 'ar!es you u" on he mo or#ay( e '.)

G0LDE%S&ME (ad2.) Des'ri" i!e of a 2oke someone ells you #hi'h s ar s #ell( bu #hi'h be'omes so embellished in he elling ha you s ar o #eary of i af er s'ar'ely half an hour.

G0**01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The fish+like o"ening and 'losing of he 2a#s seen amongs "eo"le #ho ha!e re'en ly been o he den is and are "u77led as o #he her heir ee h ha!e been "u ba'k he righ #ay u".

GLASG&, (n.)

The feeling of infini e sadness engendered #hen #alking hrough a "la'e filled #i h ha""y "eo"le fif een years younger han yourself.

GLASSEL (n.)

A seaside "ebble #hi'h #as shiny and in eres ing #hen #e ( and #hi'h is no# a lum" of ro'k( #hi'h 'hildren ne!er heless insis on filing heir sui 'ases #i h af er he holiday.

GLAIELE/ (ad2.)

The s a e of a barris er3s fla greasy hair af er #earing a #ig all day.

GLEME150LT (n.)

The kind of guil #hi'h you3d 'om"le ely forgo en abou #hi'h 'omes roaring ba'k on dis'o!ering an old le er in a 'u"board.

GLE1TAGGA%T (n.)

A "ar i'ular kind of ar an hold+all( made e)'lusi!e under li'en'e for $ri ish Air#ays. ,hen #ai ing o 'olle' your luggage from an air"or 'on!eyor bel ( you #ill no i'e ha on he ne) 'on!eyor bel a soli ary bag is going round and round un'olle' ed. This is a glen aggar ( #hi'h has been "la'ed here by he baggage+handling s aff o ake your mind off he fa' ha your o#n luggage #ill shor ly be landing in Murmansk.

GLE1T0ES ("l.n.)

Series of small s e"s by #hi'h someone #ho has made a serious a' i'al error in a 'on!ersion or argumen mo!es from 'om"le e disagreemen o #holehear ed agreemen .

GLE1,H0LL/ (n. S'o s)

A small ar an "ou'h #orn benea h he kil during he his le+har!es .

GL01S8 (n.)

A ha #hi'h "oli i'ians bu o go o %ussia in.

GL&%&%5M (n.)

&ne #ho akes "leasure in informing o hers abou heir bo#el mo!emen s.

GL&SS&* (n.)

A rouge blob of food. Glosso"s( #hi'h are generally s reaming ho and highly adhesi!e in!ariably fall off your s"oon and on o he surfa'e of your hos 3s highly "olished an ique+rose#ood dining able. 0f his has no ( or may no ha!e( been no i'ed by he 'om"any "resen ( s#anage (q.!.) may be em"loyed.

GL5TT L&DGE (n.)

The "la'e #here food 'an be s ored af er ha!ing a oo h e) ra' ed. Some Arabs 'an go #i hou sus enan'e for u" o si) #eeks on a full glu lodge( hen'e he e)"ression 3 he shi of he desser 3.

GL&AD$/ MA%,&&D (n.)

Someone #ho s o"s Aon -leese on he s ree and demands ha he does a funny #alk.

G&DALM01G (n.)

,onderful rush of relief on dis'o!ering ha he ely (q.!.) and he #embley (q.!.) #ere in fa' false alarms.

G&LA1T (ad2.)

$lank( sly and fain ly embarrassed. *er aining o he e)"ression seen on he fa'e of someone #ho has 'learly forgo en your name.

G&&LE (n.)

The "uddle on he bar in o #hi'h he barman "u s your 'hange.

G&&SE-%50.ES ("l. n. ar'hai')

A "air of #ooden rousers #orn by "oul ry+kee"ers in he Middle Ages.

G&&S1A%GH (n.)

Some hing lef o!er from "re"aring or ea ing a meal( #hi'h you s ore in he fridge des"i e he fa' ha you kno# full #ell you #ill ne!er e!er use i .

G%EAT T&SS&1 (n.)

A fa book 'on aining four #ords and si) 'ar oons #hi'h 'os JE.G>.

G%EAT ,A8E%01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

*ani' #hi'h se s in #hen you badly need o go o he la!a ory and 'anno make u" your mind abou #ha book or maga7ine o ake #i h you.

G%EELE/ (n.)

Someone #ho 'on inually annoys you by 'on inually a"ologising for annoying you.

G%ET1A G%EE1 (ad2.)

A shade of green #hi'h 'ar oon 'hara' ers dangle o!er he edge of a 'liff.

G%0MMET (n.)

A small bush from #hi'h 'ar oon 'hara' ers dangle o!er he edge of a 'liff.

G%0MS$/ (n.)

A lum" of some hing gris ly and foul as ing 'on'ealed in a mou hful of s e# or "ie. Grimsbies are some imes merely he resul of 'areless 'ookery( bu more of en hey are "la'ed here delibera ely by 4reemasons. Grimbies 'an be "ur'hased in bulk from any res"e' able Masoni' bu 'her on gi!ing him he se're Masoni' handbag. &ne is hen "la'ed 'orre' masoni' me hod of dealing #i h i . 0f he gues is no a Mason( he hos may find i en er aining o #a 'h ho# he handles he obno)ious ob2e' . 0 may be (a) manfully s#allo#ed( in!ariably bringing ears o he eyes. (b) 'he#ed #i h resolu ion for u" o #en y minu es before e!en ually resor ing o me hod (a) (') 'hoked on fa ally. The Masoni' handshake is easily re'ognised by ano her Mason in'iden ally( for by i a used grimsby is "assed from hand o hand. The se're Masoni' me hod for dealing #i h a grimsby is as follo#s ; remo!e i 'arefully #i h he sil!er ongs "ro!ided( using he lef hand. -ross he room o your hos ( ho""ing on one leg( and ram he grimsby firmly u" his nose( shou ing( 3Take ha ( you smug Masoni' bas ard.3

G%01STEAD (n.)

The s a e of a lady3s 'lo hing af er she has been o "o#der her nose and has hi 'hed u" her igh s o!er her skir a he ba'k( hus e)"osing her bo om( and has #alked ou #i hou no i'ing i .

G5E%1SE/ (ad2.)

6ueasy bu umbo#ed. The kind of feeling one ge s #hen dis'o!ering a "las i' 'om"ar men in a fridge in #hi'h hing are gro#ing.

G,EE8 (n.)

A 'oa hanger re'y'led as a 'ar aerial.

HADI&% (n.)

A shar" ins rumen "la'ed in he #ashing+u" bo#l #hi'h makes i easier o 'u yourself.

HAG1A$/ (n.)

Someone #ho looked a lo more a ra' i!e in he dis'o han hey do in your bed he ne) morning.

HAL-%& (n.)

An adhesi!e fibrous 'lo h used o hold babies3 'lo hes oge her. Thousands of iny "ie'es of 2am 3hook3 on o housands of iny+"ie'es of dribble( enabling he 'lo h o be'ome 3s i'ky3.

HAL04AB (n.)

The green syn he i' as ro urf on #hi'h greengro'ers dis"lay heir !ege ables.

HAM$LED&1 (n.)

The sound of a single+engine air'raf flying by( heard #hils lying in a summer field in England( #hi'h someho# 'on'en ra es he silen'e and sense of s"a'e and imelessness and lea!es one #i h a "rofound feeling of some hing or o her.

HA**LE (!b.)

To annoy "eo"le by finishing heir sen en'es for hem and hen elling hem #ha hey really mean o say.

HA%$LED&,1 (!b.)

To manoeu!re a double ma ress do#n a #inding s air'ase.

HA%$&TTLE (n.)

A "ar i'ular kind of fly #hi'h li!es inside double gla7ing.

HA%*E1DE1 (n.)

The 'oda o a "hone 'on!ersion( 'onsis ing of abou eigh e)'hanges( by #hi'h "eo"le ry gra'efully o ge off he line.

HASEL$5%/ *L5-81ETT (n.)

A me'hani'al de!i'e for 'leaning 'ombs in!en ed during he indus rial re!olu ion a he same ime as Ark#righ 3s S"inning Aenny( bu #hi'h didn3 'a 'h on in he same #ay.

HASS&* (n.)

The "o'ke do#n he ba'k of an arm'hair used for s oring #o+shilling bi s and "ie'es of Lego.

HAST01GS ("l.n.)

Things said on he s"ur of he momen o e)"lain o someone #ho 'omes in o a room une)"e' edly "re'isely #ha i is you are doing.

HATHE%SAGE (n.)

The iny sni""e s of beard #hi'h 'oa he inside of a #ashbasin af er sha!ing in i .

HA5GHAM (n.)

&ne #ho loudly informs o her diners in a res auran #ha kind of man he is by 'alling for he 'hef by his 'hris ian name from he lobby.

HAB$/ (n.)

Any garden im"lemen found in a "o a ing shed #hose e)a' "ur"ose is un'lear.

HEAT&1 *51-HA%D&1 (n.) A !iolen argumen #hi'h breaks ou in he 'ar on he #ay home from a "ar y be #een a 'ou"le #ho ha!e had o be "oli e o ea'h o her in 'om"any all e!ening.

HE1ST%0DGE (n.)

The dried yello# subs an'e found be #een he "rongs of forks in res auran s.

HE%STM&1-E5B (n.)

The 'orre' name for he gold medallion #orn by someone #ho is in he habi of #earing heir shir o"en o he #ais .

HE.E% (n.)

The "ani' 'aused by half+hearing Tannoy in an air"or .

H0$$01G (n.)

The marks lef on he ou side breas "o'ke of a s orekee"er3s o!erall #here he has "u a#ay his "en and missed.

H0-8L01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The "ra' i'e of infuria ing ea regoers by no only arri!ing la e o a 'en re+ ro# sea ( bu also loudly a"ologising o and "a ing ea'h member of he audien'e in urn.

H0D-&TE $A%T%AM (n.)

To be 'augh in a hid'o e bar ram is o say a series of "ro ra' ed and final goodbyes o a grou" of "eo"le( lea!e he house and hen realise you3!e lef your ha behind.

H0GH L0ME%0GG (n.)

The o"mos read of a s air'ase #hi'h disa""ears #hen you3!e 'limbing he s airs in he darkness.

H0GH &44LE/ (n.)

Gossnargh (q.!.) hree #eeks la er.

H&$$S -%&SS (n.)

The a#k#ard lea"ing manoeu!re a girl has o go hrough in bed in order o make him slee" on he #e "a 'h.

H&DDLESDE1 (n.)

An 3in2ured3 foo baller3s limb ba'k in o he game #hi'h dra#s a""lause bu doesn3 fool anybody.

H&D1ET (n.)

The #ooden safe y "la form su""or ed by s'affolding round a building under 'ons ru' ion from #hi'h he builders (a almos no "ersonal risk) 'an dro" "ie'es of 'emen on "assers+by.

H&44 (!b.)

To deny indignan ly some hing #hi'h is "al"ably rue.

H&GGEST&1 (n.)

The a' ion of o!ershaking a "air of di'e in a 'u" in he mis aken belief ha his #ill affe' he e!en ual ou 'ome in your fa!our and no irri a e e!eryone else.

H&%T&1+-5M+ST5DLE/ (n.)

The 'ombina ion of li le hel"ful grun s( nodding mo!emen s of he head( 'onsidera e smiles( u"#ard fro#ns and serious "auses ha a grou" of "eo"le 2oin in making in rying o eli'i he ne) "ronoun'emen of somebody #i h a dreadful s u er.

H&.E (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of he e)"ression seen on he fa'e of one "erson in he "resen'e of ano her #ho 'learly isn3 going o s o" alking for a !ery long ime.

H&/LA8E (n.)

The "ool of edible gra!y #hi'h surrounds an inedible and disgus ing lum" of mea + ea en o gi!e he im"ression ha he "erson is 32us no !ery hungry( bu mmm his is deli'ious3. -f. *easlake + a similar e)"erien'e had by !ege arians.

H5$/ (n.)

A half+ere' ion large enough o be a "ubli'ly embarrassing bulge in he rousers( no large enough o be of any use o anybody.

H5-81ALL (!b.)

To 'rou'h u"#ards; as in he mo!emen of a sea ed "erson3s fee and legs made in order o allo# a 'leaner3s hoo!er o "ass benea h hem.

H5LL (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of he smell of a #eekend 'o age.

H5M$E% (!b.)

To mo!e like he 'heeks of a !ery fa "erson as heir 'ar goes o!er a 'a le grid.

H5M$/ (n.)

An ere' ion #hi'h #on3 go do#n #hen a gen leman has o go for a "ee in he middle of making lo!e o someone.

H51A (n.)

The resul of 'oming o he #rong de'ision.

H51S01G&%E (n.)

Medie!al 'eremonial brass horn #i h #hi'h he su''essful e)e'u ion of an araglin (q.!.) is rum"e ed from he 'as le ba lemen s.

H5TLE%$5%1 (n.ar'hai')

A burn sus ained as a resul of he beha!iour of a 'lumsy hu ler. (The "re'ise du ies of hu lers are no# los in he mis s of his ory.)

H5TT&4T (n.)

The fibrous algae #hi'h gro#s in he dark( mois en!ironmen of rouser urn+u"s.

0$ST&-8 (n.)

Any hing used o make a noise on a 'orruga ed iron #all or 'linker+buil fen'e by dragging i along he surfa'e #hile #alking "as i . 3Mr $enne hough fully sele' ed a s ou ibs o'k and lef he house.3 + Aane Aus en( *ride and *re2udi'e( 00.

0*01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The in'reasingly an)ious shif ing from leg o leg you go hrough #hen you are des"era e o go o he la!a ory and he "erson you are alking o kee"s on remembering a fe# final hings he #an o men ion.

0*S,0-H (n.)

The sound a he o her end of he ele"hone #hi'h ells you ha he au oma i' e)'hange is #orking !ery hard bu is in ending no a' ually o 'onne' you his ime( merely o le you kno# ho# diffi'ul i is.

AA%%&, (ad2.)

An agri'ul ural de!i'e #hi'h( #hen o#ed behind a ra' or( enables he farmer o s"read his dung e!enly a'ross he #id h of he road.

AA,-%A0G (n. medi'al)

A massi!e fa'ial s"asm #hi'h is brough on by being old a really as ounding "ie'e of ne#s. A mys erious a a'k of 2a#'raig affe' ed ?=(=== shee" in ,hales in 9G>:.

A5%$/ (n.)

A loose #oollen garmen rea'hing o he knees and #i h hree or more armholes( kni ed by he #earer3s #ell+ meaning bu in'om"e en aun .

8ALAM0 (n.)

The an'ien Eas ern ar of being able o fold road+ma"s "ro"erly.

8A1T5%8 (n.)

An e) remely in ri'a e kno originally used for belaying he o"gallan foreshee s of a gaff+rigged -hina 'li""er( and no# more 'ommonly obser!ed #hen rying o ge an old ki e ou of he 'u"board under he s airs.

8EELE (ad2.)

The horrible smell 'aused by #ashing ash rays.

8ELL01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

A "erson sear'hing for some hing( #ho has rea'hed he fu ile s age of re+ looking in all he "la'es hey ha!e looked on'e already( is said o be kelling.

8E1T (ad2.)

*oli ely de ermined no o hel" des"i e a !iolen urge o he 'on rary. 8en e)"ressions are seen on he fa'es of "eo"le #ho are good a some hing #a 'hing someone else #ho 'an3 do i a all.

8E1T5-8E/ (ad!.)

4i ing e)a' ly and sa isfyingly. The 'ardboard bo) ha slides nea ly in o an e)a' s"a'e in a garage( or he las book #hi'h e)a' ly fills a bookshelf( is said o fi 3real ni'e and ken u'key3.

8E%%/ (n.)

The small #is of skin #hi'h se"ara ed ea'h sausage on a s ring.

8ETTE%01G (n.) The marks lef on your bo om or highs af er sunba hing on a #i'ker#ork 'hair.

8ETTLE1ESS (ad2.)

The quali y of no being able o "ee #hile being #a 'hed.

80$$LES,&%TH (n.)

The foo ling amoun of money by #hi'h he "ri'e of a gi!en ar i'le in a sho" is less han a sensible number( in a !ain ho"e ha a leas one idio #ill hink i 'hea". 4or ins an'e( he kibbles#or h on a "air of shoes "ri'ed a J9G.GG is 9".

80MME%0DGE (n.)

The ligh bree7e #hi'h blo#s hrough your arm"i hair #hen you are s re 'hed ou sunba hing.

801GST&1 $AG*50SE (n.)

A for y+year+old si) een+s one man rying o 'ommi sui'ide by 2ogging.

80%$/ (n.)

Small bu re"ulsi!e "ie'e of food "rominen ly a a'hed o a "erson3s fa'e or 'lo hing. See also -H0**01G &1GA%.

80%$/ M0S*E%T&1 (n.)

&ne #ho kindly a em" s o #i"e an a""aren kirby (q.!.) off ano her3s fa'e #i h a na"kin( and hen dis'o!ers i o be a #ar or o her "ermanen fi) ure( is said o ha!e 'ommi ed a 3kirby mis"er on3.

80TM5%./ (n.)

Man #ho o#ns all he la es s"or ing gadge ry and 'lo hing (gold rolley( ee 'osies( !en ila ed shoes( Gary *layer+ au ogra"hed ra'ksui o"( Ameri'an na!y 'a"( mirror sunglasses) bu is s ill only on his se'ond gold lesson.

81&*T&4T (n.)

The mys erious fluff "la'ed in your "o'ke s by dry+'leaning firms.

85%D0STA1 (n.)

Hard s are gi!en by a husband o his #ife #hen he no i'es a shar" in'rease in he number of imes he ans#ers he "hone o be old( 3Sorry( #rong number.3

LAMLASH (n.)

The folder on ho el dressing+ ables full of as oundingly dull informa ion.

LA%G&,A%D (n.)

Mo oris s3 name for he kind of "edes rian #ho s ands beside a main road and #a!es on he raffi'( as if i 3s heir righ of #ay.

LE T&565ET (n.)

A mere no hing( an un'onsidered rifle( a negligible amoun . 5n ouque is of en defined as he differen'e be #een he 'os of a bo le of gin bough in an off+li'en'e and one bough in a du y+free sho".

L044 (n.)

A book( he 'on en s of #hi'h are o ally belied by i s 'o!er. 4or ins an'e( any book he dus 2a'ke of #hi'h bears he #ords. 3This book #ill 'hange your life3.

L0ME%0GG (!b.)

To 2ar one3s leg as he resul of he disa""earan'e of a s air #hi'h isn3 here in he darkness.

L01D0S4A%1E (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of he "leasan smell of an em" y bis'ui in.

L0ST&,EL (n.)

The small ma on he bar designed o be more absorben han he bar( bu no as absorben as your elbo#s.

L0TTLE 5%S,0-8 (n.)

The member of any 'lass #ho mos in'lines a ea'her o#ards he !ie# ha 'a"i al "unishmen should be in rodu'ed in s'hools.

LLA1ELL0 (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of he #aggling mo!emen of a "erson3s hands #hen shaking #a er from hem or #arming u" for a "ie'e of #orksho" hea re.

L&-H%A1IA (n.)

The long una''om"lished #ail in he middle of a S'o ish folk song #here he "i"es ni" around he 'orner for a 'ou"le of drinks.

L&1G10DD%/ (n.)

A dro"le #hi'h "ersis s in running ou of your nose.

L&SS0EM&5TH (n.)

&ne of hose middle+aged ladies #i h 2us a hin of a lu)urian handlebar mous a'he.

L&5TH (n.)

The sor of man #ho #ears loud 'he'k 2a'ke s( has a "ersonalised ankard behind he bar and al#ays ge s ser!ed before you do.

L&, A%D,ELL (n.)

Sedu' i!e remark made ho"efully in he ba'k of a a)i.

L&, EGG$&%&5GH (n.)

A quie li le unregarded man in glasses #ho is building a ne# kind of a omi' bomb in his garden shed.

L&,E% *E&.E% (n.)

-ommon solu ion o he "roblems of a humby (q.!.)

L&,EST&4T (n.)

(a) The balls of #ool #hi'h 'olle' on ni'e ne# s#ea ers. (b) The 'orre' name for 3na!el fluff3.

L&,THE% (!b.)

(&f a large grou" of "eo"le #ho ha!e been o he 'inema oge her.) To s and aimlessly abou on he "a!emen and argue abou #ha e!er o go and ea ei her a -hinese meal nearby or an 0ndian meal a a res auran #hi'h somebody says is !ery good bu isn3 'er ain #here i is( or ha!e a drink and hink abou i ( or 2us go home( or ha!e a -hinese meal nearby + un il by he ime agreemen is rea'hed e!ery hing is shu .

L5$-%&/ (n.)

The ell ale li le lum" in he o" of your s#imming runks #hi'h ells you you are going o ha!e o s"end half an hour #i h a safe y "in rying o "ull he dra#s ring ou again.

L5DL&, (n.)

A #ad of ne#s"a"er( folded ablena"kin or lum" of 'ardboard "u under a #obbly able or 'hair o make i s and+u" s raigh . 0 is "erha"s no #idely kno#n ha air+a'e Sir Douglas $ader used o ge abou on an enormous "air of ludlo#s before he had his ar ifi'ial legs fi ed.

L544E1HAM (n.)

4eeling you ge #hen he "ubs aren3 going o be o"en for ano her for yfi!e minu es and he luffness in beginning o #ear a bi hin.

L5441ESS (n.)

Hear y feeling ha 'omes from #alking on he moors #i h gumboo s and 'old ears.

L5L,&%TH (n.)

Measure of 'on!ersa ion. A lul#or h defines he amoun of he leng h( loudness and embarrassmen of a s a emen you make #hen e!eryone else in he room una''oun ably s o"s alking a he same ime.

L5**0TT (n.)

The "ie'e of lea her #hi'h hangs off he bo om of your shoe before you 'an be bo hered o ge i mended.

L5S$/ (n.)

The fold of flesh "ushing for#ard o!er he o" of a bra #hi'h is oo small for he lady inside i .

L5T&1 (n.)

The horseshoe+sha"ed rug #hi'h goes around a la!a ory sea .

L/$STE% (n.( !b.)

The ar ifi'ial 'hu'kle in he !oi'e+o!er a he end of a su""osedly funny ele!ision 'ommer'ial.

L/D0A%D T%EG&IE (n.)

The o""osi e of a ma!is enderby (q.!.) An unrequi ed early lo!e of your life #ho s ill 'auses errible "angs hough she ine)"li'ably married a ele"hone engineer.

MAA%50G (n.)

The ine)"ressible horror e)"erien'ed on #alking u" in he morning and remembering ha you are Andy S e#ar .

MAE1T,%&G (n. ,elsh)

The heigh by #hi'h he o" of a #a!e e)'eeds he heigh o #hi'h you ha!e rolled u" your rousers.

MAL0$5 (n.)

The heigh by #hi'h he o" of a #a!e e)'eeds he heigh o #hi'h you ha!e rolled u" your rousers.

MA1801H&LES ("l.n.)

The small holes in a loaf of bread #hi'h gi!e rise o he momen ary sus"i'ion ha some hing may ha!e made i s home #i hin.

MA*LED5%HAM (n.)

A hideous "ie'e of 'hi"board !eneer furni ure bough in a suburban high s ree furni ure s ore and designed o hold e)a' ly a year3s su""ly of Sunday 'olour su""lemen s.

MA%GATE (n.)

A marga e is a "ar i'ular kind of 'ommissionaire #ho sees you e!ery day and is on 'heerful -hris ian+name erms #i h you( hen one day refuses o le you in be'ause you3!e forgo en your iden ify 'ard.

MA%8ET DEE*01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

S ealing one "ie'e of frui from a s ree frui +and+ !ege able s all.

MA%L&, (n.)

The bo om dra#er in he ki 'hen your mo her kee"s her "a"er bags in.

MA%/TA./ (n.)

A "erson o #hom( under dire in2un' ions of silen'e( you ell a se're #hi'h you #ish o be fare more #idely kno#n.

MASSA-H5SETTS ("l.n.)

Those i ems and "ar i'les #hi'h "eo"le #ho( af er blo#ing heir noses( are sear'hing for #hen hey look in o heir hankies.

MAT-H01G G%EE1 (ad2.)

(&f ne'k ies.) Any 'olour #hi'h 1igel %ees re2e' s as unsui able for his rousers or 2a'ke .

MA.0S E1DE%$/ (n.)

The almos +'om"le ely+forgo en girlfriend from your dis an "as for #hom your #ife has a 'om"le ely irra ional 2ealousy and ha red.

MEATH (ad2.)

,arm and !ery sligh ly 'lammy. Des'ri" i!e of he e) ure of your hands af er he au oma i' drying ma'hine has urned i self off( 2us dam" enough o make i embarrassing if you ha!e o shake hands #i h someone immedia ely af er#ards.

MEATH&* (n.)

&ne #ho se s off for he s'ene of an air'raf 'rash #i h a "i'ni' ham"er.

MEETH (n.)

Some hing #hi'h Ameri'an do' ors #ill shor ly ell us #e are all suffering from.

MEL-&M$E %EG0S (n.)

The name of he s yle of de'ora ion used in 'o'k ail lounges in mo'k Tudor ho els in Surrey.

MELL&1 5D%0GLE (n.)

The ghas ly sound made by radi ional folksingers.

MELT&1 -&1STA$LE (n.)

A "a en an i+#rinkle 'ream #hi'h "oli'emen #ear o kee" hemsel!es looking young.

MEM*H0S (n.)

The li le bi s of yello# fluff #hi'h ge ra""ed in he hinge of he #inds'reen #i"ers af er "olishing he 'ar #i h a ne# dus er.

M0L,A58EE (n.)

The melodious #his ling( 'han ing and humming one of he mil#aukee 'an be heard #hene!er a "ubli' la!a ory is en ered. 0 is he #ay he o''u"an s of he 'ubi'les ha!e of elling you here3s no lo'k on heir door and you 'an3 'ome in.

M01-H01HAM*T&1 (n.)

The e)"ression on a man3s fa'e #hen he has 2us 7i""ed u" his rousers #i hou due 'are and a en ion.

M&44AT (n. ailoring erm)

Tha "ar of your 'oa #hi'h is designed o be sa on by he "erson ne) of you on he bus.

M&LES$/ (n.)

The kind of family ha dri!es o he seaside and hen si s in he 'ar #i h all he #indo#s 'losed( reading he Sunday E)"ress and #earing sid'u"s (q.!.)

M&18S T&4T (n.)

The bundle of hair #hi'h is lef af er a monk has been onsured( #hi'h he kee"s ired u" #i h a rubber band and uses for 'hasing an s a#ay.

M&TS*5% (n.)

The four h #heel of a su"ermarke rolley #hi'h looks iden i'al o he o her ree bu renders he rolley 'om"le ely un'on rollable.

M& 0 %A1A 0magine being on a !a'a ion( and i 3s raining all he ime( you are dri!ing and he kids are making you a ner!ous #re'k. ,ell you are defini i!e in Mo i %ana.

M5GEA%/ (n. medi'al)

The subs an'e from #hi'h he un"leasan li le yello# globules in he 'orners of a slee"y "erson3s eyes are made.

M51DE%40ELD (n.) A meado# sele' ed( #hils dri!ing "as ( as being ideal for a "i'ni' #hi'h( from a si ing "osi ion( urns ou o be full of s ubble( dus and 'o#"a s( and almos im"ossible o en2oy yourself in.

1AAS (n.)

The #inemaking region of Albania #here mos of he #ine ha "eo"le ake o bo le+"ar ies 'omes from.

1A-T0&1 (n.)

The 3n3 #i h #hi'h 'hea" ad!er ising 'o"y#ri ers re"la'e he #ord 3and3 (as in 3fish 3n3 'hi"s3( 3mi) 3n3 ma 'h3( 3assaul 3n3 ba ery3)( in he mis aken belief ha his is in some #ay 'hummy or endearing.

1AD (n.)

Measure defined as he dis an'e be #een a dri!er3s ou s re 'hed finger i"s and he i'ke ma'hine in an au oma i' 'ar+"ark. 9 nad < 9H.? 'm.

1A1H&%&1 (n. medi'al)

A iny !al!e 'on'ealed in he inner ear #hi'h enables a deaf grandmo her o 'on!erse qui e normally #hen she feels like i ( bu #hi'h e)'ludes 'om"le ely any hing ha sounds like a reques o hel" #i h laying he able.

1A1T,0-H (n.)

A la e+nigh sna'k( in!en ed by he Earl of 1an #i'h( #hi'h 'onsis s of he dam"es hing in he fridge( "ressed be #een #o of he dries hings in he fridge. The Earl( #ho li!ed in a fla in -la"ham( in!en ed he nan #i'h o a!oid ha!ing o go sho""ing.

1A*LES ("l.n.)

The iny de"ression in a "ie'e of %y!i a.

1ASE$/ (n.)

The s ou me al ins rumen used for 'li""ing labels on o e)hibi s a flo#er sho#s.

1A5GAT5-8 (n.)

A "las i' sa'he 'on aining sham"oo( "olyfilla( e '.( #hi'h is im"ossible o o"en e)'e" by off he 'orners.

1AIE01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The ra her un'on!in'ing noises of "re ended in eres #hi'h an adul has o make #hen brough a small dull ob2e' for admira ion by a 'hild.

1EE1 S&LLA%S ("l.n.)

Any ensemble of es"e'ially unfla ering and "ar i'ular garmen s #orn by a #oman #hi'h ell you ha she is righ a he forefron of fashion.

1EM*1ETT TH%5$,ELL (n.)

The feeling e)"erien'ed #hen dri!ing off for he fris ime on a brand ne# mo orbike.

1ETHE% *&**LET&1 (n. obs.)

A "air of *.A.*roby3s rousers.

1&TTAGE (n.)

1o age is he 'olle' i!e name for hings #hi'h you find a use for immedia ely af er you3!e hro#n hem a#ay. 4or ins an'e( your greenhouse has been 'lu ered u" for years #i h a huge "ie'e of 'ardboard and grea fronds of gardening s ring. /ou a las de'ide o 'lear all his s uff ou ( and you burn i . ,i hin #en y+four hours you #ill urgen ly need o #ra" a large "ar'el( and suddenly remember ha lu'kily in your greenhouse here is some 'ardb...

15$$&-8 (n.)

The kind of "erson #ho has o lea!e before a "ar y 'an rela) and en2oy i self.

1&T$&5%1E (n.)

0n a 'hoi'e be #een #o or more "ossible "uddings( he one nobody "lum"s for.

1/$STE% (n.)

Sor of "erson #ho akes he lif o ra!el one floor.

&-8LE (n.)

An ele' ri'al s#i 'h #hi'h a""ears o be off in bo h "osi ions.

&S$AST&1 (n.)

A "oin made for he se!en h ime o somebody #ho insis s ha hey kno# e)a' ly #ha you mean bu 'learly hasn3 go he fain es idea.

&SH8&SH (n.( !b.)

The noise made by someone #ho has 2us been grossly fla ered and is rying o make ligh of i .

&SSETT (n.)

A frilly s"are+ oile +roll+'osy.

&S,ALDT,0STLE (n. &ld 1orse)

Small brass #ind ins rumen used for summoning .ikings o lun'h #hen hey3re off on heir longshi"s( "laying.

&$,EST%/ (abs.n.)

$loody+minded de ermina ion on "ar of a s ory eller o 'on inue a s ory #hi'h bo h he eller and he lis eners kno# has be'ome des"era ely edious.

&5GHTE%$/ (n.)

Someone you don3 #an o in!i e o a "ar y bu #hom you kno# you ha!e o as a ma er of du y.

&51DLE (!b.)

To #alk along leaning side#ays( #i h one arm hanging lim" and dragging one leg behind he o her. Mos 'ommonly used by a' ors in ama eur "rodu' ion of %i'hard 000( or by "eo"le 'arrying a hea!y sui 'ase in one hand.

&IA%8 (n.)

&ne #ho offers o hel" 2us af er all he #ork has been done.

*A$$/ (n.(!b.)

(4en'ing erm.) The "lay( or manoeu!re( #here one s#ordsman lea"s on o he able and "ulls he ba lea)e off he #all.

*A1T+/+,A--& (ad2.)

The final s a e of mind of re ired 'olonel before hey 'ome o ake him a#ay.

*&*-ASTLE (n.)

Some hing dra#n or modelled by a small 'hild #hi'h you are su""osed o kno# #ai i is.

*A**LE (!b.)

To do #ha babies do o sou" #i h heir s"oons.

*A*,&%TH E.E%A%D (n.)

Te'hni'al erm for he hird ake of an orgasm s'ene during he making of a "ornogra"hi' film.

*EE$LES ("l.n.)

Small( 'arefully rolled "elle s of skegness (q.!.)

*EL5TH& (n.) A Sou h Ameri'an ball game. The balls are #ha'ked agains a bri'k #all #i h a s ou #ooden ba un il he "risoner 'onfesses.

*E1+T%E+TA4A%1+/+4ED, (n.)

,elsh #ord #hi'h li erally ransla es as 3leaking+biro+by+ he+glass+hole+of+ he+'lerk+of+ he+bank+has+been+ aken+ o+ano her+"la'e+lea!ing+only+ he+ s"e'ial+ink#ell+and+ hree+in'hes+of+ in+'hain3.

*E&%0A (n.)

The fear of "eeling oo fe# "o a oes.

*E%-/H&%1E% (n.)

(English "ubli'+s'hool slang). A "refe' #hose du y i is o sur"rise ne# boys a he urinal humilia e hem in a manner of his 'hoosing.

*E%%A1IA$5L&E (n.)

&ne of hose s"ray hings used o #e ironing #i h.

*E.E1SE/ (n. ar'hai')

The righ o 'olle' shingle from he king3s foreshore.

*0DDLET%E1TH0DE (n.)

A rouser s ain 'aused by a #imbledon (q.!.). 1o o be 'onfused #i h a bo ley (q.!.)

*0ML0-& (n.)

Small odd+sha"ed "ie'e of "las i' or 'urious me al 'om"onen found in he bo om of ki 'hen rummage+dra#er #hen s"ring+'leaning or looking for Sello a"e.

*0M*E%1E (n.)

&ne of hose rubber nodules found on he undernea h side of a la!a ory sea .

*0TL&-H%/ (n.)

The ba'kground gurgling noise heard in ,imby $ars 'aused by "eo"le rying o ge he las bubbles ou of heir milkshakes by slur"ing loudly hrough heir s ra#s.

*0TSL0G& (n.)

*ar of radi ional ma ing ri e. During he firs ho day of s"ring( all he men in he ube s ar gi!ing u" heir sea s o ladies and s a"hanging. The "ur"ose of "i sligo is for hem o demons ra e heir manhood by dis"laying he #e "a 'hes under heir arms.

*LEELE/ (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of a drunk "erson3s a em" o be endearing.

*L/M&5TH (!b.)

To rela e an amusing s ory o someone #i hou remembering ha i #as hey #ho old i o you in he firs "la'e.

*L/M*T&1 (n.)

The ("oin less) knob on o" of a #ar memorial.

*&DE H&LE (n.)

A hole drilled in 'hi"board la!a ory #alls by homose)uals for any one of a number of "ur"oses.

*&GES ("l.n.)

The lum"s of dry "o#der ha remain af er 'ooking a "a'ke sou".

*&L$ATH0- (ad2.)

Gif ed #i h abili y o mani"ula e a"s using only he fee .

*&LL&-H (n.)

&ne of hose iny ribbed+"las i' and aluminium foil ubs of milk ser!ed on rains enabling you o 'arry one safely ba'k o you 'om"ar men #here your legs in 'omfor rying o ge he bloody hings o"en.

*&L*E%%& (n.)

A "ol"erro is he ball( or muff( of soggy hair found 'linging o ba h o!erflo#+ holes.

*&&1A (n.)

Sa isfied grun ing noise made #hen si ing ba'k af er a good meal.

*&TT SH%0GLE/ (n.)

Dried remains of a #eek+old 'asserole( ea en #hen e) remely drunk a #o a.m.

*5DSE/ (n.)

The 'urious+sha"ed fla #ads of dough lef on a ki 'hen able af er someone has been 'u ing s'ones ou of i .

65A$$S ("l.n.)

The subs an'es #hi'h emerge #hen you squee7e a bla'khead.

65ALL (!b.)

To s"eak #i h he !oi'e of one #ho requires ano her o do some hing for hem.

65EDGELE/ (n.)

A rabidly lef +#ing "oli i'ian #ho 'an afford o be ha #ay be'ause he married a millionairess.

65EE1I0E$5%1 (n.)

Some hing ha ha""ens #hen "eo"le make i u" af er an aggle hor"e (q.!.)

65E1$/ (n.)

A s ubborn s"o on a #indo# #hi'h you s"end #en y minu es rying o 'lean off before dis'o!ering i 3s on he o her side of he glass.

65E%%01 (n.)

A "erson ha no one has e!er heard of #ho una''oun ably manages o make a li!ing #ri ing "refa'es.

65&/1ESS (n.)

The ha efulness of #ords like 3relionus3 and 3easie"hi 3.

%AMSGATE (n.)

All ins i u ional buildings mus ( by la#( 'on ain a leas #en y ramsga es. These are doors #hi'h o"en he o""osi e #ay o he one you e)"e' .

%A145%L/ (ad2.)

4ashion of rying ies so ha he long hin end undernea h dangles belo# he shor fa u""er end.

%E-5L.E% (n.)

The sor of remark only e!er made during Any 6ues ions.

%0*&1 (!b.)

(&f li erary 'ri i's.) To in'lude all he bes 2okes from he book in he re!ie# o make i look as if he 'ri i' hough of hem.

%&-HESTE% (n.)

&ne #ho is able o gain o''u"a ion of he armres on bo h sides of heir 'inema or air'raf sea .

%&/ST&1 (n.)

The man behind you in 'hur'h #ho sings #i h errifi' gus o almos ree quar ers of a one off he no e.

%51-&%1 (n.)

A "eeble (q.!.) #hi'h is larger ha a bel"er (q.!.)

SAD$E%GE (n.)

A !iolen green shrub #hi'h is ground u"( mi)ed #i h #igs and gela ine and ser!ed #i h 'lonmul (q.!.) and buldoo (q.!.) in a 'on ainer referred o for no kno#n reason as a 3relish ray3.

SA44%&1 ,ALDE1 (n.)

To s"ray he "erson you are alking o #i h half+'he#ed bread'rumbs or small "ie'es of #hi ebai .

SA.E%1A8E (!b.)

To se# muni'i"al 'res s on o a #ind'hea er in he belief ha his #ill make he #earer a""ear 'osmo"oli an.

S-AM$LE$/ (n.)

A small dog #hi'h resembles a hro#+rug and a""ears o be dead.

S-ETH%&G (n.)

&ne of hose "e'uliar beards+#i hou +mous a'hes #orn by religious $elgians and Ameri'an s'ien is s #hi'h hel" hem look like rolls.

S-&1SE% (n.)

A "erson #ho looks around hen #hen alking o you( o see if here3s anyone more in eres ing abou .

S-&*,0-8 (n.)

The fla" of skin #hi'h is orn off you li" #hen rying o smoke an un i""ed 'igare e.

S-&%%0E% (n.)

A small hun ing dog rained o snuffle amongs your "ri!a e "ar s.

S-&STH%&* (!b.)

To make !ague o"ening or 'u ing mo!emen s #i h he hands #hen #andering abou looking for a in o"ener( s'issors( e '. in he ho"e ha his #ill hel" in some #ay.

S-%A$$/ (n.) A 'urious+sha"ed dus er gi!en o you by your mo her #hi'h on 'loser ins"e' ion urns ou o be half an under"an .

S-%A$STE% (n.)

&ne of hose dogs #hi'h has i off on your leg during ea.

S-%AM&GE (!b.)

To 'u oneself #hils li'king en!elo"es.

S-%A1T&1 (n.)

A "erson #ho( af er he de'lara ion of he bodmin (q.!.)( al#ays says(3... $u 0 only had he oma o sou".3

S-%A*T&4T (n.)

The absurd fla" of hair a !ain and balding man gro#s long abo!e one ear o 'omb i o he o her ear.

S-%EE$ (n.)

To make he noise of a nylon anorak rubbing agains a "air of 'orduroy rousers.

S-%EGGA1 (n. banking)

The 'rossed+ou bi 'aused by "eo"le "u ing he #rong year on heir 'heques all hrough Aanuary.

S-%EM$/ (n.)

The dehydra ed fel + i" "en a a'hed by a s ring o he 3Don3 4orge 3 board in he ki 'hen #hi'h has ne!er #orked in li!ing memory bu #hi'h no one 'an be bo hered o hro# a#ay.

S-%&GGS (n.)

The s ou "ubi' hairs #hi'h "ro rude from your hel"ing of moussaka in a 'hea" Greek res auran .

S-%&18E/ (n.)

Some hing ha hi s he #indo# as a resul of a !iolen snee7e.

S-5LLET (n.)

The las eas"oon in he #ashing u".

SEATTLE (!b.)

To make a noise like a rain going along.

SHAL51T (n.)

&ne #ho #ears Trinidad and Tobago T+shir s on he bea'h in $ali o "ro!e hey didn3 2us #in he holiday in a 'om"e i ion or any hing.

SHA18L01 (n.)

The hoo" of skin around a single sli'e of salami.

SHE1A1D&AH (n.)

The infini e smugness of one #ho kno#s hey are en i led o a "la'e in a nu'lear bunker.

SHE**/ (n.)

Measure of dis an'e (equal o a""ro)ima ely se!en eigh hs of a mile)( defined as he 'loses dis an'e a #hi'h shee" remain "i' uresque.

SH041AL (n.(!b.)

An a#k#ard shuffling #alk 'aused by #o or more "eo"le in a hurry a''iden ally ge ing in o he same segmen of re!ol!ing door. A similar effe' is a'hie!ed by "eo"le en ering hree+legged ra'es un#isely 2oined a he ne'k ins ead of he ankles.

SH0%ME%S ("l.n.)

Tall young men #ho s and around smiling a #eddings as if o sugges ha hey kno# hey bride rea her #ell.

SH&E$5%/1ESS (abs.n.) The !ague un'omfor able feeling you ge #hen si ing on a sea #hi'h is s ill #arm from somebody else3s bo om.

SH%0.E1HAM (n.)

&ne of Germaine Greer3s used+u" lo!ers.

S0D-5* (n.)

&ne of hose ha s made from ying kno s in he 'orners of a handker'hief.

S0LES0A (n. medi'al)

The inabili y o remember( a he 'ri i'al momen ( #hi'h is he be er side of a boa o be seasi'k off.

S0LL&TH (n.)

Some hing ha #as s i'ky( and is no# furry( found on he 'ar"e under he sofa he morning af er a "ar y.

S0M*%0M (n.)

The li le mo!emen of false modes y by #hi'h a girl #i h a 'a!ernous !isible 'lea!age "ulls her skir do#n o!er her knees.

S0TT01G$&5%1E (n.)

&ne of hose 'on!ersions #here bo h "eo"le are #ai ing for he o her one o shu u" so hey 'an ge on #i h heir bi .

S8EG1ESS (n.)

1ose e)'re a of a malleable 'onsis en'y.

S8ELL&, (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of he sa isfa' ion e)"erien'ed #hen looking a a really good dry+ s one #all.

S8E14%0TH (n.)

The flakes of a hle e3s foo found inside so'ks.

S8ETT/ (n.)

A""aren ly self+"ro"elled li le dan'e a beer glass "erforms in i s o#n "uddle.

S80$$E%EE1 (n.)

The noise made by a sunburned highs lea!ing "las i' 'hair.

SL0G& (n.)

An unnamed and e)o i' se)ual a' #hi'h "eo"le like o belie!e ha famous films s ars ge u" o in "ri!a e. 3To 'ommi slingo.3

SL&GA%0E (n.)

Hill#alking diale' for he se!en miles of 'on'ealed rough moorland #hi'h lie be #een #ha you hough #as he o" of he hill and #ha a' ually is.

SL5$$E%/ (n.)

The gooey dri"s of #a) ha dribble do#n he sides of a 'andle so belo!ed by 0 alian res auran s #i h -hian i bo les ins ead of #all"a"er.

SL5GGA1 (n.)

A lurid fa'ial bruise #hi'h e!eryone "oli ely omi s o men ion be'ause i 3s ob!ious ha you had a "un'h+u" #i h your s"ouse las nigh + bu #hi'h in o a door. 0 is useless o !olun eer he rue e)"lana ion be'ause nobody #ill belie!e i .

SL5M$A/ (n.)

The 'igare e end someone dis'o!ers in he mou hful of lager hey ha!e 2us s#igged from a 'an a he end of "ar y.

SMA%DE1 (!b.)

To kee" your mou h shu by smiling de erminedly hrough you ee h. Smardening is largely used by "eo"le rying o gi!e he im"ression ha hey3re en2oying a s ory hey3!e heard a leas si) imes before.

SMEA%0SA%/ (n.)

The 'orre' name for a 2unior a""ren i'e greengro'er #hose main du y is o arrange he frui so ha he bad side is undernea h. 4rom he name of a 'hara' er no in Di'kens.

S1EEM (n.(!b.)

*ar i'ular kind of fro7en smile bes o#ed on a small 'hild by a "aren in mi)ed 'om"any #hen ques ion( 3Mummy( #ha 3s hisK3 a""ears o require he ans#er(3 Er...i 3s a rubber 2ohnny( darling3.

S10TTE% (n.)

&ne of he ra her unfunny ne#s"a"er 'li""ings "inned o an offi'e #all( he humour of #hi'h is su""osed o deri!e from he fa' ha he headline 'on ains a name similar o ha of one of he o''u"an s o he offi'e.

S10TTE%$/ (n.)

Someone #ho "ins sni ers (q.!.) on o sni erfields (q.!.) and is also sus"e' ed of being res"onsible for he e) in' ion of !irgins o#s (q.!.)

S10TTE%40ELD (n.)

&ffi'e no i'eboard on #hi'h sni ers (q.!.)( 'ards saying 3/ou don3 ha!e o be mad o #ork here( bu if you are i hel"s CCC3 and sligh ly smu y "os 'ards from 0bi7a ge "inned u" by sni erbies (q.!.)

S&LE1T (ad2.)

Des'ri" i!e of he s a e of serene self+kno#ledge rea'hed hrough drink.

S&TTE%LE/ (n()

5n'o!ered bi be #een #o sho"s #i h a#nings( #hi'h you ha!e o 'ross #hen i 3s raining.

S*0TTAL &4 GLE1SHEE (n.)

Tha #hi'h has o be 'leaned off 'as le floors in he morning af er a bag"i"e 'on es or !am"ire a a'k.

S*&44&%TH (!b.)

To idy u" a room before he 'leaning lady arri!es.

S*%&ST&1 G%EE1 (n.)

The !iolen 'olour of one of 1igel %ees3s 2a'ke s( #orn #hen he hinks he3s being elegan .

STE$$01G (n.)

The ere' ion you 'anno 'on'eal be'ause you3re no #earing a 2a'ke .

ST&8E *&GES (n.)

The a""ing momen s of an inde) finger on glass made by a "erson fu ilely a em" ing o 'ommuni'a e #i h ei her a ro"i'al fish or a "os offi'e 'lerk.

ST5%%/ (n.(!b.)

A oken run. *edes rians #ho ha!e 'hosen o 'ross a road immedia ely in fron of an a""roa'hing !ehi'le generally gi!e a li le #a!e and break in o a s urry. This gi!es he im"ression of hurrying #i hou ha!ing any "ra' i'al effe' on heir s"eed #ha soe!er.

S5TT&1 and -HEAM (nouns)

Su on and 'heam are he kinds of dir in o #hi'h all dir is di!ided. 3Su on3 is he dark sor ha al#ays ge s on o ligh +'oloured hings( 3'heam3 he ligh + 'oloured sor ha 'lings o dark i ems. Anyone #ho has e!er found Marmi e s ains on a dress+shir or seagull goo on a dinner 2a'ke (a) kno#s all abou su on and 'heam( and (b) is going o ome !ery 'urious dinner "ar ies.

S,A1AGE ("l.n.)

S#anage is he series of di!ersionary a' i's used #hen rying o 'o!er u" he e)is en'e of a glosso" (q.!.) and may in'lude (a) u ering a high+"i 'hed laugh and "oin ing ou of he #indo# (1$. his doesn3 #ork more ha #i'e)@ (b) snee7ing as loudly as "ossible and #i"ing he glosso" off he able in he same mo!emen as #hi""ing ou your handker'hief@ (') saying 3-hris C 0 seen o ha!e dro""ed some shi on your able3 (!ery un#ise)@ (d) saying 3-hris ( #ho did ha K3 (be er) (e) "ressing your elbo# on he glosso" i self and #orking your arms slo#ly o he edge of he able@ (f) lea!ing he glosso" #here i is bu mo!ing a "la e o!er i and "u ing u" #i h si ing a an un'omfor able angle he res of he meal@ or( if he glosso" is in oo e)"osed a "osi ion( (g) lea!ing i here unremarked e)'e" for he o''asional humorous glan'e.

S,A10$&ST (ad2.)

-om"le e shagged ou af er a hard day ha!ing in'ome a) e)"lained o you.

S/M&1D3S /AT (n.)

The li le s"oonful inside he lid of a re'en ly o"ened boiled egg.

TA$LE/ S5*E%0&% (n.)

The look dire' ed a you in a hea re bar in he in er!al by "eo"le #ho3!e already go heir drinks.

TAM*A (n.)

The sound of a rubber eraser 'oming o res af er dro""ing off a desk in a !ery quie room.

TA%&&M (!b.)

To make loud noises during he nigh o le he burglars kno# you are in.

TEG5-0GAL*A (n.)

An embarrassing mis ake arising ou of 'onfusing he sha"e of some hing ra her rude #i h some hing "erfe' ly ordinary #hen gro"ing for i in he darkness. A 'ommon e)am"le of a egu'igal"a is #hen a #oman "ulls a "a'ke of Tam"a) ou of her bag and offers hem around under he im"ression ha i is a 'ar on of 'igare es.

THEA8ST&1E (n.)

An'ien mad ram" #ho 2abbers o himself and s#ears loudly and obs'enely on s a ion "la forms and raffi' islands.

TH%&-801G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The a' ion of 'on inually "ushing do#n he le!er on a "o"+u" oas er in he ho"e ha you #ill hereby ge i o unders and ha you #an i o oas some hing. Also; a s yle of drum+"laying fa!oured by 1igel &lsson of he El on Aohn $and( reminis'en of he sound of someone sla""ing a frankfur er agains a bu'ke . An e)'ellen e)am"le of his is o be heard on 3Someone Sa!e My Life Tonigh 3 from he album -a" ain 4an as i' and he $ro#n Dir -o#boy.

TH%&5-8M&%T&1 (n.)

The soul of a de"ar ed madman; one of hose no# kno#n o inhabi he iming me'hanism of "o"+u" oas ers.

TH%5MST%E% (n.)

The irri a ing man ne) o you in a 'on'er #ho hinks he3s (a) he 'ondu' or( (b) he brass se' ion.

TH%5** (!b.)

To hold a ruler on one end on a desk and make he o her end go bbddbbddbbrrbrrrrddrr.

TH5%1$/ (n.)

A ru'ked+u" edge of 'ar"e or linoleum #hi'h e!eryone says someone #ill ri" o!er and break a leg unless i ge s fi)ed. Af er a year or #o someone ri"s o!er i and breaks a leg.

T0$SHEL4 (n.)

-riss+'ross #ooden 'ons ru' ion hung on a #all in a eenage girl3s bedroom #hi'h is 'o!ered #i h glass bambies and "oodles( ma 'hing "igs and "or'elain "onies in !arious "os ures.

T0D*0T (n.)

The 'orner of a oenail from #hi'h sa isfying li le bla'k de"osi s may be s"rung.

T0GHA%%/ (n.)

The a''om"li'e or 3lure3 #ho ge s "un ers o "ar i'i"a e in he hree 'ard ri'k on London s ree s by #inning an im"robable amoun of money !ery easily.

T0LL0-&5LT%/ (n.)

The man+ o+man 'humminess ado" ed by an em"loyer as a "relude for elling an em"loyee ha he3s going o ha!e o le him go.

T0M$LE (!b.)

(&f small nas y 'hildren.) To fail o!er !ery gen ly( look around o see #ho3s abou ( and hen yell blue murder.

T01-LET&1 (n.)

A man #ho amuses himself in your la!a ory by "ulling he 'hain in mid+"ee and hen seeing if he 'an finish before he flush does.

T01G%0TH (n.)

The feeling of sil!er "a"er agains your fillings.

T&D$E% (n.)

&ne #hose idea of a good ime is o s and behind his fron hedge and gi!e surly nods o "eo"le he doesn3 kno#.

T&DD01G (!b.)

The business of alking amiably and aimlessly o he barman a he lo'al.

T&L&$ (n.)

A 'rease or fold in an underblanke ( he remo!al of #hi'h in!ol!es ge ing ou of bed an largely remaking i .

T&LSTA-HA&LA0S ("hr.)

,ha he "oli'e in Lei h require you o say in order o "ro!e ha you are no drunk.

T&&T01G $E- (n.)

A 'ar behind #hi'h one dra#s u" a he raffi' ligh s and hoo s a #hen he ligh s go green before realising ha he 'ar is "arked and here is no one inside.

T&%L51D/ (n.) 1arro# bu hi'kly grimed s ri" of floor be #een he fridge and he sink uni in he ki 'hen of a ren ed fla .

T&%&1T& (n.) Generi' erm for any hing #hi'h 'omes ou of a gush des"i e all your 'areful effor s o le i ou gen ly( e.g. flour in o a #hi e sau'e( oma o ke 'hu" on o fried fish( s"erm in o a human being( e '.

T&TTE%0DGE (n.)

The ridi'ulous #o+in'h hun'h ha "eo"le ado" #hen arri!ing la e for he hea re in he !ain and fu ile ho"e ha i #ill minimise ei her he embarrassmen of he la'k of !isibili y for he res of he audien'e. '.f. hi'kling.

T%A1TLEM&%E (!b.) To make a noise like a rain 'rossing a se of "oin s.

T%E,&44E (n.)

A !ery hi'k and hea!y drif of sno# balan'ed "re'ariously on he edoge of a door "or'h #ai ing for #ha i 2udges o be he 'orre' momen o fall. 4rom he an'ien Greek legend 3The Tree#ofe of Damo'les3.

T%0S*E1 (n.) A form of in elligen grass. 0 gro#s a single( ough s alk and makes i s home on la#ns. ,hen i sees he la#nmo#er 'oming i lies do#n and "o"s u" again af er i has gone by.

T%&SSA-HS ("l.n.) The useless e"aule es on an e)"ensi!e rain'oa .

T5AMG%A1E/ (n.) A hideous #ooden ornamen ha "eo"le hang o!er he man el"ie'e o "ro!e hey3!e been o Afri'a.

T5LSA (n.)

A slur" of beer #hi'h has a''iden ally gone do#n your shir 'ollar.

T5M$/ (n.)

The in!olun ary abdominal gurgling #hi'h fills he silen'e follo#ing someone else3s in ima e "ersonal re!ela ion.

T,EEDSM50% ('olle' i!e n.)

The name gi!en o he e) ensi!e 'olle' ion of ha s ke" in he do#ns airs la!a ory #hi'h don3 fi anyone in he family.

T,EML&, G%EE1 (n.)

The 'olour of some of 1igel %ees3s rousers( #orn in he mis aken belief ha hey go ra her #ell #i h his s"ros on green (q.!.) 2a'ke s.

T,&M0LE$&%%0S (n.) A "o"ular Ease Euro"ean ou door game in #hi'h he firs "erson o rea'h he fron of he mea queue #ins( and he losers ha!e o forfei heir ba h "lugs.

T/1E and ,EA% (nouns)

The 3Tyne3 is he small "ri'eless or !i al ob2e' a''iden ally dro""ed on he floor (e.g. diamond ie 'li"( 'on a' lens) and he 3#ear3 is he large immo!able ob2e' (e.g. ,elsh dresser( 'ar+'rusher) ha i shel ers under.

5LLA*&&L (n.)

The s"i le #hi'h builds u" on he floor of he %oyal &"era House.

5LL01GS,0-8 (n.)

An o!er+de!elo"ed e"iglo is found in middle+aged 'olora uras.

5LL&-8 (n.)

The 'orre' name for ei her of he deaf S'andina!ian ouris s #ho are s anding #o abreas in fron of you on he es'ala or.

5M$E%LE0GH (n.)

The a#ful momen #hi'h follo#s a dor'hes er (q.!.) #hen a s"eaker #eighs u" #he her o re"ea an amusing remark af er nobody laughed he las ime. To be on he horns of an umberleigh is o #onder #he her "eo"le didn3 hear he remark( or #he her hey did hear i and 2us didn3 hink i #as funny( #hi'h #as #hy somebody 'oughed.

5*&TTE%/ (n.)

Tha "ar of a ki 'hen 'u"board #hi'h 'on ains an unne'essarily large number of milk 2ugs.

5TT&BETE% (n.)

A small bu immensely 'om"le) me'hani'al de!i'e #hi'h is essen ially he 3brain3 of a modern 'offee !ending ma'hine( and #hi'h enables he ma'hine o ake i s o#n de'isions.

.ALLETTA (n.)

&n orna e head+dress or loose garmen #orn by a "erson in he belief ha i renders hen in!isibly na i!e and no like a ouris a all. *eo"le #ho don huge 'olonial s ra# 'ollie ha s #i h 30 Lu! Lagos3 on hem in 1igeria( or fa soli'i ors from Tonbridge on holiday in Malaya #ho insis on a""earing in he ho el lobby #earing a sarong kno# #ha #e3re on abou .

.A1-&5.E% (n.)

The e'hni'al name for one of hose huge ru'ks #i h #hirling brushes on he bo om used o 'lean s ree s.

.E1T1&% (n.) &ne #ho( ha!ing been !isi ed as a 'hild by a mys erious gy"sy lady( is gif ed #i h he s range "o#er of being able o o"era e he air+ no77les abo!e aero"lane sea s.

.0%G01ST&, (n.)

A Dure) ma'hine #hi'h doesn3 ha!e he "hrase 3So #as he Ti ani'3 s'ra#led on i . The #ord has no# fallen in o disuse.

.&$STE% (n.)

A s rain of "erfe' ly heal hy roden #hi'h de!elo"s 'an'er he momen i en er a labora ory.

,A%LEGGA1 (n. ar'hai')

&ne #ho does no a""ro!e of araglins (q.!.)

,ATH (n.)

The rage of %oy Aenkins.

,EEM (n.)

The ools #i h #hi'h a den is 'an infli' he grea es "ain. 4ormerly( #hi'h ool his #as de"enden u"on he imagina ion and skill of he indi!idual den is ( hough no#( #i h e'hnologi'al ad!an'es( #eems 'an be bough s"e'ially.

,EM$LE/ (n.)

The hideous momen of 'onfirma ion ha he disas er "resaged in he ely (q.!.) has a' ually s ru'k.

,E1DE1S AM$& (n.)

(.e erinary erm.) The o"era ion o ra'e an ob2e' s#allo#ed by a 'o# hrough all i s se!en s oma'hs. Hen'e( also (9) en e)"edi ion o dis'o!er #here he e)i s are in he $ari'an -en re( and (:) a sear'h hrough he 'om"le e #orks of -hau'er for all he rude bi s.

,EST ,0TTE%01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

The un'on rollable #i 'hing #hi'h breaks ou #hen you3re rying o ge a#ay from he mos boring "erson a a "ar y.

,ET,A1G (n.)

A mois "enis.

,HA*L&DE D%&.E (n.)

A homi'idal golf s roke.

,HASSET (n.)

A business 'ar in you #alle belonging o someone #hom you ha!e no re'olle' ion of mee ing.

,H0SSE1D01E (n.)

The nose #hi'h o''urs (of en by nigh ) in a s range house( #hi'h is oo shor and oo irregular for you e!er o be able o find ou #ha i is and #here i 'omes from.

,0DD0-&M$E (n.)

The sor of "erson #ho im"ersona es rim "hones.

,0GA1 (n.)

0f( #hen alking o someone you kno# has only one leg( you3re rying o rea hen "erfe' ly 'asually and normally( bu find o your horror ha your 'on!ersion is liberally s udded #i h referen'es o (a) Long Aohn Sil!er( (b) Ho"along -assidy( (') The Ho'key -okey( (d) 3"u ing your foo in i 3( (e) 3 he las leg of he 5E4A 'om"e i ion3( you are said o ha!e 'ommi ed a #igan. The #ord is deri!ed from he fa' ha sub+edi ors a 0T1 used o manage o men ion he name of ei her he o#n ,igan( or Lord ,igg( in e!ery four h s'ri" ha %eginald $osanque #as gi!en o read.

,08E (!b.)

To ri" a "ie'e of s i'ky "las er off your skin as fas as "ossible in he ho"e ha i #ill (a) sho# ho# bra!e you are( and (b) no hur .

,0LL0MA1T0- (ad2.)

&f a "erson #hose hear h is in he #rong "la'e (i.e. be #een heir legs).

,0M$LED&1 (n.)

Tha las dro" #hi'h( no ma er ho# mu'h you shake i ( al#ays goes do#n your rouser leg.

,018LE/ (n.)

A los ob2e' #hi'h urns u" immedia ely you3!e gone and bough a re"la'emen for i .

,01ST&1+SALEM (n.)

A "erson in a res auran #ho sugges o heir 'om"anions ha hey should s"li he 'os of he meal equally( and hen orders #o "a'ke s of 'igare es on he bill.

,0.E1H&E (n.)

The 'ry of ala'ri y #i h #hi'h a s"righ ly eigh y+year+old breaks he i'e on he lake #hen going for a s#im on -hris mas E!e.

,&801G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

S anding in he ki 'hen #ondering #ha you 'ame in here for.

,&&L4A%D0SH,&%TH/ (n.)

A mumbled( mis"ronoun'ed or misheard #ord in a song( s"ee'h or "lay. Deri!ed from he #ell+kno#n mumbles "assage in Hamle ;

3...and he s"urns( Tha "a ien meri of he un#or hy akes ,hen he himself migh his quie us make ,i h a bare bodkinK ,ho #oolfardis#or hy To grun and s#ea under a #eary lifeK3

,&%G%ET (n.)

A kind of "ol ergeis #hi'h s"e'ialises in s ealing ne# 'o"ies of he A+I from your 'ar.

,&%8S&* (n.)

A "erson #ho ne!er a' ually ge s round o doing any hing be'ause he s"ends all his ime #ri ing ou lis s headed 3Things o Do (5rgen )3.

,&%MEL&, T5M* (n.)

Any se!en een+year+old #ho doesn3 kno# abou any hing a all in he #orld o her han bi'y'le gears.

,%A$1ESS (n.)

The feeling af er ha!ing ried o dry oneself #i h a dam" o#el.

,%0TTLE (!b.)

&f a s eel ball( o se le in o a hole.

,%&&T (n.)

A shor li le berk #ho hinks ha by "ulling on his "i"e and ga7ing shre#dly a you he #ill gi!e he im"ression ha he is infini ely #ise and > f 99 in.

,/&M01G ("ar i'i"ial !b.)

Mo!ing in hurried des"era ion from one 'ubi'le o ano her in a "ubli' la!a ory rying o find one #hi'h has a lo'k on he door( a sea on he bo#l and no bro#n s eaks on he sea .

/ADDLETH&%*E (!b.)

(&f offended "oo!es.) To e)i huffily from a bou ique.

/A%M&5TH (!b.)

To shou a foreigners in he belief ha he louder you s"eak( he be er hey3ll unders and you.

/ATE (n.)

Dishear eningly #hi e "ie'e of bread #hi'h si s lim"ly in a "o"+u" oas er during a "ro ra' ed hro'king (q.!.) session.

/E**&&1 (n.)

&ne of he ha +hanging 'orks #hi'h Aus ralians #ear for making 6an as 'ommer'ials.

/ES1A$/ (n.)

A 3yes( maybe3 #hi'h means 3no3.

/&1DE% $&G01E (n.)

The kind of res auran ad!er ised as 32us hree minu es from his 'inema3 #hi'h 'learly nobody e!er goes o and( e!en if hey had e!er 'on em"la ed i ( ha!e 'er ainly 'hanged heir mind sin'e seeing he ad!er .

/&18E%S (n.)

(%are.) The 'ombined hrill of "ain and shame #hen being 'augh in "ubli' "lu'king your nos ril+hairs and s uffing hem in o your side+"o'ke .

/&%8 (!b.)

To shif he "osi ion of he shoulder s ra"s on a hea!y bag or ru'ksa'k in a !ain a em" o make i seem ligh er. Hen'e ; o laugh falsely and hear ily a an unfunny remark. 3Aasmine yorked "oli ely( loa hing him o he de" hs of her being3 + .irginia ,oolf.

IEAL M&1A-H&%5M (n.)

(Skiing erm.) To ski #i h 37eal mona'horum3 is o des'end he o" hree quar ers of he moun ain in a qui!ering blue funk( bu on arri!ing a he gen le bi 2us in fron of he res auran o #hi77 o a s o" like a !i' orious slalom+'ham"ion.