Introduction to Improving Sentences

Improving Sentences questions consist of a single sentence with one underlined word or phrase. Your mission with that underlined portion of the sentence is twofold. First, you have to figure out if theres a problem with the underlined part. Then, if there is a problem, you have to decide which answer choice fixes the problem. Sometimesone-fifth of the t ime, in factno error will exist. The SAT contains 25 Improving Sentences. A group of 11 of the Sentence Improvements appear in the 25-minute Writing timed section (they appear first in that section). A group of 14 Sentence Improvements makes up the entirety of the 10-minute Writing timed section. Groups of Sentence Improvements generally increase in difficulty from the first question in a group to the last question in the group. Lets take a better look: Part of each sentence or the entire sentence is underlined; beneath each sentence are five ways of phrasing the underlined material. Choice A repeats the original phrasing; the other four choices are different. If you think the original phrasing produces a better sentence than any of the alternatives, select choice A; if not, select one of the other choices. Lets look at an example: People visiting relatives in hospital who are unwell risk infecting patients on the ward. (A) who are unwell (B) when they themselves are unwell (C) who are unwell themselves (D) when they are themselves unwell (E) that are unwell themselves Here the phrase who are unwell is incorrectly used. When introduced after the noun hospital it sounds like the pronoun who is modifying hospital. Hence option (A) is incorrect. The same can be said for options (C) and (E). We need a word which will clearly indicate the time at which the relatives have visited the hospital. When can solve this problem. Both option (B) and (D) solve this problem. However, option (D) is too wordy i.e. it makes the phrase unnecessarily long. Hence, option (B) is the correct answer.

The Good News . . . and the Good News

On this section, as on the other sections, grammar terminology is not tested. Neither is spelling. Mastering this section does not require you to memorize a huge amount of material or learn a ton of new concepts. Youll see questions on the passive voice, run-on sentences, and misplaced modifiers. Youll probably also encounter a few questions on parallelism, conjunctions, fragments, and gerunds. Although some of the material in this chapter is new, youll notice that the SAT tests many of the same grammar rules in this section that we cover in the Identifying Sentence Errors chapter.

Common Grammar Errors

Just like Identifying Sentence Errors questions, Improving Sentences questions cover the same grammar over and over. This lecture sheet discusses some of them. Run-On Sentences A run-on sentence results when two complete sentences get jammed together. Run-ons usually sound breathless, as if an excited child is telling a story. Heres an example of a runon sentence: I walked into the pet store and asked the clerk if she had any talking parrots, this made her roll her eyes. The best way to test if a sentence is a run-on is to split the sentence in two and see if both halves of the sentence could function alone: I walked into the pet store and asked the clerk if she had any talking parrots. This made her roll her eyes. Because each half of this sentence is complete on its own, the two halves cannot be joined together with a comma. Here are three ways to fix run-on sentences in Improving Sentences questions:

Method 1: Use a semicolon. Method 2: Add a conjunction. Method 3: Make the clauses relate clearly.

Method 1: Use a Semicolon

One of the most common remedies youll find on the SAT is a semicolon. A semicolon (;) signals that both sides of the sentence are grammatically separate but closely related to one another. For example: I walked into the pet store and asked the clerk if she had any talking parrots; this made her roll her eyes. Method 2: Add a Conjunction Another method for correcting run-on sentences is adding conjunctions. Suppose you see this run-on sentence: In her incredible eagerness to cheer her team to victory, Amy the cheerleader has lost her voice, therefore her performance at the games is a silent one. If you add the conjunction and: In her incredible eagerness to cheer her team to victory, Amy the cheerleader has lost her voice and therefore her performance at the games is a silent one. The run-on disappears. Method 3: Make the Clauses Relate Clearly Sometimes sentences contain strange relationships among clauses that can obscure the meaning of the sentence. (A clause is just a bunch of words with a subject and a predicate). Heres an example: The student council attempted to lure people to the dance with free food, most people attended the field hockey game. This sentence suggests that despite the student councils efforts, people didnt go to the dance because they went to the field hockey game. You can correct this run-on sentence by adding a word that makes this relationship clear: Although the student council attempted to lure people to the dance with free food, most people attended the field hockey game. Okay, time for a real example:

The police reprimanded everyone at the graduation party, they didnt seem very sympathetic to the fact that it was our senior year. (A) at the graduation party, they didnt seem very sympathetic to the fact that it was our senior year (B) at the graduation party, seemingly the fact that it was our senior year did not make them sympathetic (C) at the graduation party without being sympathetic to the fact that it was our senior year (D) at the graduation party they didnt, despite the fact that it was our senior year, seem very sympathetic (E) at the graduation party; they didnt seem very sympathetic to the fact that it was our senior year

A classic run-on. The two parts could easily stand alone: The police reprimanded everyone at the graduation party. They didnt seem very sympathetic to the fact that it was our senior year. Remember, the SAT usually fixes run-ons by exchanging the comma for a semicolon. In this case, E, which uses the semicolon method, is the correct answer. Notice that you could have corrected the question above by turning the second half into a subordinate clause: Since they reprimanded everyone at the graduation party, the police didnt seem very sympathetic to the fact that it was our senior year. Alternatively, you could have inserted the word and between the two clauses: The police reprimanded everyone at the party, and they didnt seem very sympathetic to the fact that it was our senior year. The majority of Improving Sentence questions dealing with run-ons will require you to use one of the three methods weve discussed to fix the sentence.

Exercise 1 Choose the best improvement of the underlined portion of the given sentences 1. The customer did not correctly understand the promotion, she expected to get half price on both items. (A) the promotion, she expected (B) the promotion when she expecting (C) the promotion; she expected (D) the promotion and she expecting (E) the promotion, she expects 2. The scientist conducted her experiment in the tropical forest; instead of in the desert where the lizard population was flourishing. (A) forest; instead (B) forest, instead (C) forest but instead (D) forest. Instead (E) forest and instead 3. Although we frequently camp at the State Park, the National Park is our favorite place to visit, it has the longest mountain range in the country. (A) visit, it has the longest (B) visit instead it has the longest (C) visit; it has the longest (D) be visited for it has the longest (E) visit for it has known to have the longest 4. The kids at the pumpkin patch screeched and spun all day, they bothered their teacher tremendously. (A) all day, they bothered their teacher tremendously (B) all day by bothering their teacher tremendously (C) all day as they bothered their teacher tremendously (D) all day and they bothered their teacher tremendously (E) all day they bothered; their teacher tremendously 5. Because it was the only recourse left to me; I swallowed my pride and called my math teacher. (A) Because it was the only recourse left to me; (B) Because it was the only recourse left to me

(C) Because it was the only recourse left to me (D) The only recourse left to me, (E) The only recourse left to me; 6. Car, bicycle and bus are the only forms of transportation available in this city as there is no metro system available yet. (A) available in this city as there is (B) available in this city, as there is (C) available in this city; as there is (D) available in this city as because there is (E) available in this city, their being 7. The defendant claimed that he had been unjustly incarcerated, the key evidence was falsified. (A) unjustly incarcerated, the key evidence was falsified. (B) unjustly incarcerated, as the key evidence was falsified. (C) unjustly incarcerated but the key evidence was falsified. (D) unjustly incarcerated; the key evidence was falsified. (E) unjustly incarcerated; when the key evidence was falsified. Misplaced Modifiers A modifying phrase is a phrase that explains or describes a word. In standard written English, modifiers usually appear right next to the word they explain or describe. When modifiers are placed far away from the word they describe, the sentence becomes confusing because its often unclear which word the modifying phrase is referring to, as in the following sentence: Eating six cheeseburgers, nausea overwhelmed Jane. This sentence is problematic. We can logically infer that Jane was doing the eating, but because the modifying phrase (Eating six cheeseburgers) is so far from the word its intended to modify (Jane), figuring out the meaning of the sentence takes a lot of work. It could very well seem as if nausea rather than Jane is being described. Therefore, the meaning of the sentence could be that nausea ate six cheeseburger fries. The sentence asis does not convey the meaning the writer intended. When you see a modifier followed by a comma, make sure the word that the modifier describes comes right after the comma. A corrected version of this sentence could read: After eating six cheeseburgers, Jane was overwhelmed with nausea. The phrase eating six cheeseburgers describes what Jane is doing, so Janes name should come right after the phrase. Another way to correct the sentence: Nausea overwhelmed Jane after she ate six cheeseburgers. Now take a look at this sample question:

Having a bargain price, Marcel snatched up the designer jeans right away. (A) Having a bargain price, Marcel snatched up the designer jeans. (B) Marcel who has a bargain price, snatched up the designer jeans. (C) The jeans bargain price led to Marcels snatching them up. (D) Due to their bargain price, Marcel snatched up the designer jeans. (E) Based on their bargain price, the jeans were snatched up right away by Marcel. The misplaced modifier in this sentence confuses the meaning of sentence. As it is, it sounds like Marcel has a bargain price, but he certainly isnt for sale. That means you can cut A right away, since it just preserves the underlined portion of the sentence. Cut B since it also identifies Marcel as the object with the bargain price. C uses the possessive awkwardly and uses them incorrectly to refer to the bargain price. E looks better, but the phrase the jeans were snatched up uses the passive voice. D is the correct answer. In D, the phrase bargain price modifies designer jeans rather than Marcel. The correct answer solves another problem with the original sentence, which is the phrase having a bargain price. Having does not clearly express the relationship between the jeans and Marcels purchase. In the correct answer, the phrase due to suggests that Marcel bought the designer jeans because they had a bargain price.

Exercise 2 1. Giggling at the loud sound his wagging tail made when it hit the sofa, my dog and I watched television together. (A) Giggling at the loud sound his wagging tail made when it hit the sofa, my dog and I watched television together (B) My dog and I watched television together, I giggled at the loud sound his wagging tail made when it hit the sofa. (C) I giggled at the loud sound his wagging tail made when it hit the sofa, my dog and I watched television together. (D Giggling at the loud sound his wagging tail made when his tail hit the sofa, my dog and I watched television together. (E) Giggling at the loud sound my dogs wagging tail made when it hit the sofa; I watched television with my dog. 2. Utilizing modern technology, ancient Roman ruins are being rapidly discovered and unearthed by archeologists. (A) archeologists rapidly discovering and unearthing ancient Roman ruins. (B) ancient Roman ruins are being discovered and unearthed by archeologists. (C) ancient Roman ruins, by archeologists, have been discovered and unearthed rapidly. (D) archeologists rapidly discover and unearth ancient Roman ruins. (E) archeologists ruins, from the ancient Romans, are discovered and rapidly unearthed.

3. Often forgotten, the fire bombings of Tokyo, which started in November of 1944 and lasted until August of 1945, were considerably deadlier than the two nuclear attacks combined. (A) . Often forgotten, the fire bombings of Tokyo, which started in November of 1944 and lasted until August of 1945, (B) The fire bombings of Tokyo started, often forgotten, in November of 1944 and lasted until August of 1945 and (C) Often forgotten, being the fire bombings of Tokyo which started in November of 1944 and lasted until August of 1945, (D) Often forgotten are the fire bombings of Tokyo which started in November of 1944 and lasted until August of 1945, (E) Often forgotten, starting in November of 1944 and lasting until August of 1945, the fire bombings of Tokyo in World War 2, 4. With over 165 wins in 11 seasons, the coaching prowess of Mike Ditka made the Chicago Bears a perpetual threat in the NFL. (A the coaching prowess of Mike Ditka made the Chicago Bears a perpetual threat in the NFL. (B) the Chicago Bears became a perpetual threat in the NFL because of Mike Ditkas coaching prowess. (C) the perpetual threat to the NFL from the Chicago Bears was coach Mike Ditka's prowess. (D) the prowess of coach Mike Ditka made the Chicago Bears a perpetual NFL threat. (E) the NFL was perpetually threatened by Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka's prowess. 5. Originally wishing to study biology, mathematics was the subject in which Tarski ultimately excelled (A) mathematics was the subject in which Tarski ultimately excelled. (B) mathematics is what Tarski excelled in. (C) Tarksi ultimately excelled in mathematics. (D) the subject in which Tarski ultimately excelled was mathematics. (E) it was mathematics, that Tarski excelled in. 6. Weighing more than 15,000 tons each, workers used massive tunnel boring machines to dig the tunnel. (A) Weighing more than 15,000 tons each, workers used massive tunnel boring machines to dig the tunnel. (B) Weighing more than 15,000 tons each, massive tunnel boring machines were used to dig the tunnel. (C) Weighing more than 15,000 tons each, workers dug the tunnel using massive tunnel boring machines. (D) More than 15,000 tons each, workers used massive tunnel boring machines to dig the tunnel. (E) Weighing more than 15,000 tons each; massive tunnel boring machines were used to dig the tunnels.

7. Having finished his introduction, the permanent exhibition was the first thing that Dr. Mitchell showed to the class. (A) Having finished his introduction, the permanent exhibition was the first thing that Dr. Mitchell showed to the class. (B) Having finished his introduction, the permanent exhibition was the first thing showed to the class (C) Having finished his introduction, Dr. Mitchell first showed the class the permanent exhibition. (D) When he finished his introduction, the permanent exhibition was shown by Dr. Mithcell. (E) When he finished his introduction; Dr. Mitchell showed the permanent exhibition first. 8. Despite many attempts, he could not get the committee to listen to him. (A) he could not get the committee to listen (B) the committee wouldn't listen to him (C) he wouldn't listen to the committee (D) and he could not get the committee to listen to him. (E) his speech could not get the committee to listen to him 9. Tirelessly catching up with the other riders, the cyclists were astounded by Henrys stamina. (A) the cyclists were astounded by Henrys stamina. (B) Henrys stamina astounded the cyclists. (C) Henry astounded the other cyclists with his stamina (D) it was Henry who astounded the other cyclists. (E) and Henry astounded the other cyclists 10. As he was about to leave the Shire, lots of food for his journey were packed by Frodo. (A) As he was about to leave the Shire, lots of food for his journey were packed by Frodo. (B) Leaving the Shire, lots of food was packed by Frodo for his journey. (C) Frodo packed lots of food for his journey as he was leaving the Shire. (D) Packing lots of food, the reason being that Frodo was about to leave the Shire. (E) The journey was the reason that convinced Frodo to pack lots of food as he was leaving the Shire. Parallelism We covered parallelism in the Identifying Sentence Errors chapter, but we give it another brief review, since its also likely to show up in Improving Sentences questions. In every sentence, all of the different components must start, continue, and end in the same, or parallel, way. Its especially common to find errors of parallelism in sentences that list actions or items. In the example below, the pool rules are not presented in the same format, which means there is a parallelism error. In the pool area, there is no spitting, no running, and dont toss your half-eaten candy bars in the water. The first two forbidden pool activities end in ing (-ing words are called gerunds), and because of that, the third forbidden thing must also end in ing. If you start with gerunds, you must continue with gerunds all the way through a list.

In the pool area, there is no spitting, no running, and no tossing your half-eaten candy bars in the water. Heres a sample Improving Sentences parallelism question: The unlimited shopping spree allowed Rachel to raid the department store and she could eat everything in the cafe. (A) and she could eat (B) as well as eating (C) so she could eat (D) and a meal (E) and to eat The description of the shopping sprees powers begins with an infinitive, to raid. Therefore, on the other side of that and, we should find another infinitive. Instead, the original sentence contains the phrase she could eat, which is not parallel. E, the correct answer, balances both sides of the equation by substituting to eat. In its corrected form, the sentence is made nicely parallel and balanced by the two infinitives: The unlimited shopping spree allowed Rachel to raid the department store and to eat everything in the cafe. Exercise 3 1. Not only did Hank dislike the way June chewed with her mouth open, but also disliked the fact that she did not know table manners. (A) but also disliked (B) but he also disliked (C) but also he disliked (D) but also disliking (E) but disliked 2. To live a longer life, Herr Hitler did not eat vegetables, smoke cigarettes or even participated in the drinking of alcohol. (A) eat vegetables, smoke cigarettes or even participated in the drinking of alcohol. (B) eat vegetables, smoke cigarettes or even drink alcohol. (C) participate in eating vegetables, smoking cigarettes or even drink alcohol. (D) eat vegetables; or even smoke or drink alcohol (E) eating vegetables, smoking cigarettes or even drinking alcohol. 3. After Amanda cashes her paycheck, the money goes into her lunch fund, house rent and money for fixing her car. (A) her lunch fund, house rent and money for fixing her car. (B) her lunch fund, house rent and car fixing (C) her lunch fund, house rent and car money (D) funding for lunch, house rent and car money (E) lunch, house rent and car money

4. We searched the car trunk, looked on the pantry shelves and the top of the refrigerator but we could not find the box of cornflakes. (A) We searched the car trunk, looked on the pantry shelves and the top of the refrigerator (B) We searched the car trunk, pantry shelves and climbed on top of the refrigerator (C) We searched the car trunk, pantry shelves and the top of the refrigerator (D) We searched the car trunk, pantry shelves and looked on the top of the refrigerator (E) We searched the car trunk and the pantry shelves; the refrigerator 5. Carlos not only missed his one year anniversary with Anna but also forgot to give her a present (A) but also forgot to give her a present (B) but forgot to give her a present (C) also forgot to give her a present (D) but forgot also to give her a present (E) and also forgot to give her a present