My soul to keep

I walked into my dark room after a nice hot shower and slowly I slipped under the covers. The cold sheets interrupted my easy going slumber. So then I laid, still in the same spot to regain the warmth I once had, and while awake an old prayer came to me. Now I lay me down to sleep and pray the lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take. A prayer many have heard as a child before bedtime. A routine that is required after a hot bath, after youve change into your jammies, and after youve brushed your teeth. Once upon a time I was subjected to practice that same routine. To sit on my knees at the edge of my bed with both hands pressed together and recited those exact words. My house wasnt exactly the religious house but my parents tried their best to mak e the Christian faith apart of the family. For a while it was all about the early Sunday mornings, getting ready for church that was on the other side of the city, saying a prayer before eating dinner, and saying a prayer before going sleep. I have no idea when all of the teachings about the Christian faith ended but I knew that I did not care because I had no interests in the practice at all. As a child you do what you are told whether you like the idea or not. Sure I got up for church and sat in the rows of the crowded audience, but I did not enjoy being there nor did I get the point. We were in Gods house yet I did not feel the sprit in me to celebrate like the others. Even when my whole family got baptized I did not feel that I needed it or wanted to. There was something in me that felt like the whole church scene and the people were all unnecessary.

As I laid in my bed in the darkness the sheets are now warm enough for me to fall asleep, but the thought about the prayer still resided in my head. When I thought about the religion the prayer came from I thought about the stories children are often told. Like the legends and the fairytales all having happy endings and if they do right there is a reward waiting at the end. Those stories all have the same elements as the bible. It too is filled with stories, stories that todays people base their lives from. What I dont understand is how people can base those stories as actual facts, say that it was truly Gods words, and that he was truly there when Santa and the tooth fairy are classified as fictional beings? Turning over and over in my bed I thought about my question. There was no way I would fall asleep, I had reach the point of no return. I thought to answer the question and my answer helped me realize that I have no problem with any type of religion. Some people need a higher being in their lives to give them purpose to live on. I just do not like when people say their religion is an excuse for their negative actions or abuse their beliefs and turn on others who think differently. That last point in my answer made me flash to a time where ignorance was at its highest, Freshman year of high school. A time where the students felt a little close to adult hood and had a little more freedom. At that time I did not have much confidence in myself but I did have confidence in my beliefs. On the day in question it was 2nd period in Mrs. Christiseans English class. Every one hurried into the room as the bell rang and as they all went to their seats they noticed the woman standing at the podium was not at all Mrs. Christisean. My name is Ms. Tully, and today as you see your teacher Mrs. Christisean is not present Ms. Tully stated. Now, Mrs. Christisean did not leave you any work for today. So I guess it is alright for you all to

talk quietly among yourself for the remaining class period. Everyone got up to move around, to find that one or group of people they wanted to chat with for the rest of class. I sat in the last row on the left side of the class room and did not feel like moving since the only person I talked to was already sitting next to me, her name was Ashely. Another member of our group was a boy name Jeremy. I never really talked to him but he was on good terms with Ashely and he sat in the row ahead of ours, therefore he became a part of the circle. Jeremy began the conversation about what happen at church that Sunday. It was clear that he and Ashely went to same church since both were laughing and giving details about the event. Well I just relaxed at home and watched TV I interrupted. You didnt go to church? Jeremy questioned while giving me a look like something was wrong with me. No, I dont go to church at all. Havent been in like six years I stated with a smile on my face. I figured the six years statement would make someone who goes every Sunday laugh, but that was not the case. So what? Are you like an Atheists? Jeremy quickly questioned. I came back with a sharp answer No, Im just not religious. Jeremy turned back around in his chair with a smirk on his face and said to the person in front of him She dont believe in God. He quickly turned back to Ashely and I and said straight to my face Youre going to hell. My heart sank a little, not because of his words but because it was so loud that he gained the attention of the other students. Their heads turned and that made me uncomfortable since I did not like all eyes on me. Once everyone began to continue on what they were previously doing I confronted Jeremy No Im not going to hell I dont believe that. Yes you are thats what it says in the bible he replied back. I rolled my eyes and thought to myself that damn bible. If your God is as good as they say he is then I dont believe he will send me to hell all

because I dont go to church I said. It was good timing when the class bell rang. I was so ready to get out of that uncomfortable and awkward situation. I rose from the bed, there was no way I was going to sleep now. I was not angry then, but now I felt like I wanting to hit something or eat some chocolate. Some people in this world are just too close minded and arrogant. They are so adapt into their own world to the point where nothing else can get through. What Jeremy said to me that day only made me aware of the reactions I might have to go through in life. There are some negative people who are so called religious, and will be the first to judge you the moment they sense you are different. Jeremy comment made my decision not to focus on religion so clear. People too often put their beliefs in a book instead of just feeling on their own. As I ate a bowl of cereal I hoped that the crunch berries would make me tired as it always did. I wanted to think of good thoughts to get the memory of Jeremey off my mind, therefor I thought about the time my boyfriend and I had a discussion about religion. Terrell was a known Christian and really believed in his faith. He knew that I wasnt so much into the faith card, but that did not stop him from talking to me. One night he tried to convince me that the bible was truly the words of God. God gave those men who wrote the bible special abilities, he spoke to them himself and shared his stories he said. Ok, but we know now we cant trust a mans word. So how is it not possible for a man who clearly wrote the bible to falsify it and just say God spoke to him I replied. Everything he threw at me I had a response, but he never yelled or made fun of me. I never felt like he was sorry for me or wanted to change me. It made me feel comfortable to be myself and accepted without any type judgment.

I am important and special without faith in God and so is everyone else that lives on this rock, no matter their beliefs, I thought as finally laid back down. I do know that not all religious people are arrogant and judgmental. There are actually some good religious people that are using their faith for good and know that not every word in the bible should be taken into account. Faith is something you cant prove its just a feeling within yourself. Like a good story that helps those carry on, do better, and stay positive or even fall asleep peacefully, faith can be included in the same category. Who cares if its real or not as long as it works and you are happy.